#tbh it did not really compute until yesterday

[wander-wren]

if i don’t look New Media in the eye i won’t develop a hyperfixation, right?

i say, binging seasons 8-10 of hermitcraft as fast as humanly possible, diving into fanfiction and finally understanding why people write about mcyt, and pivoting to watch double life with my shipping goggles on

[oncemorewithqueering-tv]

star trek tos season 1–my summaries

i just finished a watch of season 1 of star trek tos season 1, and i would like to provide a (very) accurate summary of each episode. no one should let me have a Netflix account i stg

pilot: large veiny-head things make cishet male think about green ladies dancing at him. he then psychologically alters the green lady’s mind to be filled with lies.

the man trap: so here’s the thing. this lady really needs salt. also, bones. for some reason (just jk he’s perfect)

charlie x: annoying teen is annoying and also tries to kill everyone. but don’t worry, kirk saves the day while also being shirtless. yay.

where no man has gone before: this is an x files episode

the naked time: spock wants his mom, kirk kind of wants to kiss the enterprise and there is irishphobia

the enemy within: kirk wears a fuck-ton of eyeliner and sulu is chilly

mudd’s women: ooh sexy ladies ep number 1/2367

what are little girls made of: kirk spins while naked and chapel and uhura kiss :)

miri: the studio had this set lying around, and also kirk hits on a teenager

dagger of the mind: i don’t really remember this one tbh

the corbomite manouver: kirk just fucking goes for it. just lies for 40 minutes. goals

the menagerie part 1 and 2: clip show but good and gay and sad :(

the conscience of the king: kirk has a tragic backstory??? that explains it

balance of terror: why is sarek a romulan commander? did he and amanda fight?

shore leave: bones and everyone else goes insane. also finnegan and more irish stereotypes. kirk has made it clear; the irish are the enemy

the galileo seven: whyyyyy do they all hate spock

the squire of gothos: english dude throws a hissy fit

arena: GORRNNNNN and spock is proud his bf is doing science

tomorrow is yesterday: kirk flirts with someone who could very well be his great great great great great great great grandfather

court martial: spock uses ‘being gay’ as a valid point that will hold up in court

the return of the archons: 1984 but with spock in a cape. a computer is god but is clearly made of cardboard

space seed: khan is sexist in the way only a 90s man can be

a taste of armageddon: everything was fine until kirk showed up

this side of paradise: spock flirts with women despite being a homosexual

the devil in the dark: a shag rug pizza hybrid emotionally connects with spock. bones uses cement, but doesn’t like it, jim.

errand of mercy: klingons do not look like worf and that really threw me off guys

the alternative factor: what twin peaks season 2 shit is this

the city on the edge of forever: so good. i imagine existential crises are how bones wakes up all the time though

operation: annihilate!: small farting brain cells attempt to kill kirk’s nephew and his husband

[raspberryconverse]

(pardon my bad cropping: it's been at least 8 years since I took a class on video editing and I can't figure out how to do it the way I want it)

When I saw this scene, it really got me thinking. At first I thought, "I never had any crushes on girls when I was younger. Discovering I was bisexual came out of nowhere." Or so I thought, until a few days ago.

I realized I was bisexual when I took a photography class my senior year of high school. My best friend was gay (so gay my mom could tell from across the street when we were 13), so it's not like I didn't know any queer people, but it just never really occurred to me that I could be queer too. Enter Purple-Haired Sarah. She had just moved to our town (I lived in one of those places the majority of people spend their entire childhood there), so I had just met her that year. She wasn't just pretty, but she (obviously) had purple hair and a fun style. If we had to work in pairs or groups, I wanted to be with her. Then one night I had a sexy dream about her. And that's when it clicked for me. Definitely a, "Well, guess I'm bi now." (There was a bit of experimentation with a friend of a friend to confirm, not that you necessarily need to do that)

But I really, truly thought I never had any crushes on other girls when I was younger. I saw this scene and thought, "Yeah, that was never me." I never had that urge to impress or desire to always be around certain friends- oh wait. Maybe I did.

My very first best friend was named Steph, or Steffy when we were younger. We met in second grade. I was always at her house or she was at mine (more often at hers because she had a computer and AOL so we could go in the chat rooms and do other online stuff in the early 90s). She used to live around the corner from me, but she moved a little bit away. Luckily, the school district let her and her brother still go to the same elementary school, but she did end up going to a different junior high/middle school (my district switched when we were in 8th grade, so we only spent 2 years at those schools). We also joined orchestra in 4th grade (violin for me, cello for her), though she didn't continue into JH/MS and I did. What was really interesting was that she facilitated in a crush I had on a boy who played viola (who eventually became a good friend in high school and we did make out a few times). I'd write him notes and she'd drop them in his viola case on her way to the cello section when we had rehearsals for the district wide Orchestra Festival. When we were younger, we both had a major love for the Baby-Sitters Club books. I remember one year I wanted us to dress as two of the characters for Halloween. She was supposed to be Kristy and I was Mary Anne (before her dad loosened up and let her wear things other than skirts and dresses). She didn't follow through with it though, and I was really upset about it.

I was really sad when Steph wasn't able to go to the same school as me for JH/MS. And when she went there, she really changed. TBH, I kinda did too, but I always was really disappointed that she changed so much. We were both big Hanson fans when they first were popular, but I never got into any of the other boy bands or pop artists of the late 90s/early 00s. She became really preppy and I was more punk/alternative (I went through a big Nirvana phase in 8th grade). It broke my heart that she wasn't my best friend anymore and we didn't have as much in common as we used to. We did go to the same high school and we were still friends, but it definitely wasn't the same. But I think the fact that I always wanted to hang out with her, was so disappointed when we weren't at the same school and that she changed so much might have been signs of an early crush (even if I was having crushes on boys at the same time).

The next one without a doubt (though I just thought of this yesterday) was my best friend Rachael. Rachael and I met in third grade and she was a part of my friend group with Steph. Later in elementary school, we were inseparable. She was definitely my best friend out of the friend group. In seventh grade, I spent a lot of time at her house. She even took me on a vacation with her family one summer. Unfortunately, in eighth grade she moved out to the county (IDK why my particular area uses the term "county" instead of "country," but that's just the local vernacular for the area west of the interstate). We stayed close friends, though. I still spent a lot of time at her house because my mom really liked her (not that she didn't like Steph) and as we got older, we got into similar music and clothing styles, unlike Steph. All through high school we spent a ton of time together, despite her being a 25 minute drive away (if that doesn't say something about how much I loved being with her, IDK what does). She was my partner in crime when I had a boyfriend my mom didn't like and she kind of a had thing with his friend too. We talked my grandma into taking us to see them, even though my mom forbade it. When I got a car, I would drive out to hang out with her all the time (and drive her and her boyfriend around and they'd make out in the backseat of my mid 80s Buick and I'd "accidentally" have to slam on the brakes so they'd go flying off the seat). We remained super close all through high school, despite not even being in the same school district. We went to local punk band concerts together, thrift shopped for fun random t-shirts from the kids section (that was kind of our style) and crushed on similar boys.

The only thing that was a bit of a problem with Rachael was when I came out as bisexual, it made her uncomfortable. Maybe she realized my feelings for her were more than platonic even though I didn't. I mean, there was always a lot of ass smacking and other silly things that could totally be seen as flirting, even though I didn't perceive it that way. But looking back, I totally see it now.

The last crush I didn't realize was a crush was the first one that got me thinking about this: Rhianon. I met Rhianon in seventh grade and she was just so cool, especially with such a cool name and I was boring Nicole V. Her parent let her dye fun color streaks in her dark hair and she wore such cool clothes. She was fairly popular, but not in a preppy way like it was in the late 90s. She didn't like boy bands or the other pop singers like Steph. She liked bands like No Doubt (she was very inspired by Gwen Stefani's fashion) and other alternative bands of the time. Honestly, she was kind of an inspiration. I wanted to be more like her. I wanted to be her. Maybe I just wanted her.

We were friends in high school because we still hung with the same crowd. I was definitely jealous of her: her confidence, her style, the boys she was able to date. I distinctly remember a local band show where she was dating one of the trombonist of one of the ska bands who I really like and I legit spent most of the show crying in the bathroom because seeing them all over each other made me so jealous. But was I jealous of her or was I jealous of him?

I certainly wouldn't have thought so at the time, but looking back, it probably was.

I definitely remember her posting on LiveJournal after she went to college that she had joined a sorority. I actually commented on the post and said I was very disappointed that she had because that just wasn't the Rhianon I knew. One of her new friends replied and didn't understand why I felt so strongly about it. But sororities just weren't very Rhianon, if you asked me. She still remained pretty cool all this time, though. She got married a few years before I did and she wore this really cute almost sort of rockabilly shorter wedding dress with a birdcage veil. I would have loved to be able to pull off something like that (not that I didn't love my wedding dress, because I wouldn't change a thing about the way my wedding turned out, minus the way the arch got set up), but I've just never had the confidence she's always had.

Oh, and the interesting thing about my Rhianon crush I didn't realize was still definitely a crush: she often comments or reacts to my Facebook posts and I was super disappointed that she didn't go to our high school reunion. I would have loved to have seen her. And now I know why.

That a-ha moment is really interesting to think about. Needless to say, Nick's bisexual discovery has made a lot of us older bis realize we had some of those feelings earlier than we originally thought. Even me, who swore up and down it was just Purple-Haired Sarah during senior year that did it for me. The more I think about it, the more I realize she probably wasn't the first.

[dianaladrislovebot]

gone headcanons that have popped into my unhinged little brain, part 5 : colours edition

hey there besties it’s been long enough since the last hcs post so here’s another one (i promise the next one will be actual hcs). yesterday i asked on both instagram and tumblr what colours y’all associate w the characters bc i mentioned to me diana is a very red character so i thought i’d take a general consensus on the other characters and i got some really good answers so i thought i’d share ! i’ve compiled a few of my personal favourites that i feel are the most accurate, thank you to everyone who contributed ! <3

sam temple : light green

i think sam being light green was the colour most people saw him as (probably due to his power) but i did also see some ocean blue’s which i liked, but green is personally my favourite for sam

caine soren : navy blue

literally everyone agreed on either this or indigo which in my mind are the same thing. there was not a single other answer he IS navy blue.

astrid ellison : baby blue / cream

i did see a couple of other answers for this but i think these two sum her up the best in terms of her personality and characterisation

diana ladris : bright red / royal purple

as i said, i’ve always seen diana as a very red coded character but i did see a couple of purples and i raise you: royal purple, as she is named after a princess

drake merwin : blood red

i use to see him kind of green bc of his connection to the gaiaphage while completely neglecting how red he is. i’ve been a fool.

quinn gaither : sand

i didn’t get any answers for him but i’m glad for that bc i wouldn’t be able to see him as anything other than sand. any other answer would have been wrong

edilio escobar : burnt orange

i originally thought of him as a rich chocolate colour but a friend brought dark orange to my attention and now i believe it wholeheartedly. i look at that colour and see edilio.

brianna berenson : bright yellow / orange

brianna’s a very hyper, overbearing, in your face character so her having such an exuberant borderline obnoxious colour seems fitting

dekka talent : dark purple

i was actually stumped on dekka until i had a few people answer this so i thank you bc you’re so correct she is dark purple

lana arwen lazar : rust red

i don’t even have an explanation for this i just feel it in my bones. she is this.

mary terrafino : baby pink / dark pink

i think mary starts off the fayz a very light pink. a very feminine, childish pink. but as the series goes on and her mental state deteriorated, i think she shifts into more of a dark pink to signify her downward spiral

albert hillsborough : money green

come on. i don’t need to explain.

taylor : hot pink / gold

obviously i know people associate her w gold bc she turned gold blah blah blah but as a character she’s very hot pink. i imagine her very girly and gossipy and such before the fayz, very 13 year old girl ish so hot pink sums that up nicely

computer jack : silver

i had a few people answer this and i’ve honestly never thought about it before but you’re so right and you should say it

that’s all the main characters that i have set in stone and i’m pretty happy w them tbh. once again thank you to everyone who participated and gave me ideas bc somehow you were all correct. i love hearing how different people interpret the characters it’s so interesting

[recurring-polynya]

[don't read until u've watched the episode] *PTERODACTYL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA* la muerte :) was my favourite part of the opening fight tbh I'm just. THE KIDS :'). Also the amount of money that was put into this looks nuts. Can I just say I really loved how they integrated 3D models? I can see some background elements plus most of the Hollows were 3D it's dope. I'm going to vibrate all my molecules into a heart attack. When Renruki show up I'll die. Enjoy!

You know, I think I agree, I think Chad punching a skull into a building completely unnecessarily was my favorite part of the first episode, although I also liked Orihime healing people in about 0.6 seconds.

The Karakura backgrounds looked really nice, and I honestly can't believe how much energy they put into them, considering that 99% of this arc takes place somewhere else.

You are a person whose animation opinions I respect very much, and I am very happy you like it. I am going to be perfectly honest and say that I do not really like the new style very much, in part because it is very computer modeled and also Rukia and Renji's faces looked very baby in the trailer. This is the first arc that I've read before I watched, so I can see everything in my head as it is in the manga, and the characters just really lack Kubo's elasticity and stylization. I actually just showed this comparison to Mr P, and was complaining that (I felt) it lost most of its charm in the translation (he has not read the manga and, as I suspected, did not even register this as a humorous moment):

"Wow," he said. "It's the background. Because there's no background, your eye is drawn to the window." [Note: The only thing Mr P knows about art is stuff he I say to him, I am unspeakable proud of him for this comment][Note 2: It's not just the background, it's a lot of other stuff, including posture and foreshortening, it just always cracks me up when Kubo not-drawing-a-background makes things look better. King shit!!]

Anyway! I don't want to complain! It was fine and I liked it and I'm glad Bleach is back and I'm glad that other people seem to love it. I am slightly peeved that I had to stay off the internet all day yesterday because I just wanted to watch it in the evening with my husband and not see the entire episode in gif format before then. Maybe the fandom will calm down once we've had a few more episodes. (lol I am sure they will not)

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

(This will probably be a 3-4 part ask, fyi) So I skimmed through Alpha Beta Omega when that post with the photoset popped up, mainly to remember if I've read it before. (I have a lot of opinions on the actions and stuff in that, and that's definitely a fic I can never re-read, but that's not what this ask is mainly about). But anyway: how soon after the video incident did Scott meet & become friends with Stiles? I can't imagine he would know what was happening and not mention it or say (1/3?)

anything, even if they were only acquaintances at that point. Like Scott knew who some of the pledges were, but did he know who the "targets" were (besides his own)? Because maybe I just read way too many 'true alpha' style fics but I can't imagine him not trying to warn people. (But then again I'm also basing some of this off of my college experience, which was a tiny campus (<2000 students) so warning people is probably easier said than done when you add a huge campus & class size) (2/3?) Also, no rush on getting back to my messages. I know you didn't actually say names with that comment but I'll out myself as one of them. I know I'm bad about sending literal essays sometimes (and then adding more later)   . I know I've told you but one of my best friends also doesn't always have enough spoons to actually respond to me with words, so sometimes our messages are only gifs & memes for weeks. But I still love you both just as much no matter how frequently or what style we talk with ❤

Okay listen. Listen. I can’t remember what I had for dinner yesterday, and I almost always eat the same thing (creature of habit + cheap + lazy) and you’re asking me to remember a fic I wrote when I just started in the TW fandom |D LOL I barely remember any of the fics in the Sterek New Year’s Extravaganza except the ones people seem to always bring up (Quickest Way to a Man’s heart, Not so Beauty, It’s Happening, Your Pain is my Pain, etc.). 

All I really remember from Alpha Beta Omega is that the prompt requirement for that day was Fraternities and I know exactly 0% about frats because 1) Girl, 2) Canadian, and 3) Not involved whatsoever with Greek row at my uni. Like, I’m 80% sure we had frats and sororities at my university --  I just Googled it, we did -- but I know nothing about any of that outside of movies |D AND MOVIES ALWAYS MAKE FRATS SEEM LIKE TRASH!!! So I had to go with what I knew (and sadly if I recall from the comments, a lot of people said most frats are like that. Not all! But most, which is depressing tbh). 

Anyway, in answer to your question remembering like, basically nothing about this fic, I would assume Scott and Stiles didn’t meet until way later. Scott definitely would’ve told Stiles about everything with Derek considering I’m pretty sure (if memory serves) that he left the frat specifically because it was trash and... he fell for his target right? It was Allison or something I think? I DON’T REMEMBER OKAY LOL. But yeah, Scott would’ve 100% told Stiles about the whole thing so they would’ve met after Scott had already left and Derek had already done his part. 

There’s a lot of fics in that entire series I’m honestly not super happy with because again, that was when I first started, didn’t really have a handle on the characters, and a lot of the prompts were things I would never write (frats being one of them, another being the friends with benefits, crossovers, etc.). On top of that, I rushed like, basically all of them because I was trying to get a fic out a day and some of them are LONG |D (I legit remember writing Not So Beauty on the fucking bus on my way home from work for a week because it was the only time I had to write it, and my brain was like “IMAGINE HOW GOOD THIS COULDA BEEN WITH YOUR COMPUTER!” because I defo cut corners. And we’re not gonna talk about the Human prompt because I hate that one and legit wrote it the same day it went up. Mistakes were made during that event, I am not proud, but you learn and grow from things, right? |D 

Anyway, not what we were talking about. Yes, Scott would’ve told him. 

And thank you ;~; AND SORRY! I just... need to do it. I keep watching the number go up and instead of doing something about it, I just hide from it |D But I know some people probably think I’m a bitch for not replying to them, or think I’ve like, idk, died? I WILL REPLY THOUGH! Maybe I should give myself a goal of like, 10 messages per week minimum or something |D I’LL REPLY TO YOU SOON THOUGH I PROMISE FORGIVE ME!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 

[surveysonfleek]

1623.

How old were your parents when you were born? my mum was 26 and my dad was 34 Are your parents still married? nope What is the one thing you own, that if it got lost, you would be bummed? my engagement ring lol. i dont even want to think about it Do you have a most prized piece of jewelry? that ^ and a gold necklace that was left for me from my grandmother Do you own any board games? a ton. my friends and i went through a board game phase from 2019-2020 so now i have all these boardgames that havent been played in ages

Did you speak to your father today? yes Last people you went out to eat with? my dad Will you be in a relationship next month? yes Is it easy for someone to make you smile/laugh? if they know me yes. then again, i am pretty easily amused Have you ever burned yourself? yes, i hate the feeling. i hate that the pain just stays for ages Does love exist? of course Would you rather spend a day outside with friends, or inside alone? lmao. it depends where and how long for (outside). the pandemic has made me even more of a homebody than usual How many siblings do you have? one younger sis Is there someone you can tell everything to? yes Why do you think your favorite color is your favorite color? because its the most visually appealing to me Any sleepovers coming up? nah Do you honestly think you could last a week without a computer or cellphone? depends on my environment but it would be hard. if i didnt have my family around me id constantly think about if they were okay Do you ever think about the world ending? not really Do you trust all of your friends? eh, yeah for the most part What time are you waking up tomorrow? whenever i want haha Do you want a tattoo? nope Where is your cellphone? to the left of me When is the next time you’ll be driving? maybe tomorrow if i go out How many piercings do you have? two Sometimes do you feel older than your age? haha not at all. i dont want to get older :( i just not ready to be an adult What will you be doing tonight? nothing, itll be a saturday night at home Summer’s coming; what do you have in mind? it’s already summer here. cant wait until its over!! Have you found someone you really like? yes Your ex calls you to hang out, what do you say? nahhh What do you hear right now? im watching rpdr while doing this Have you seen anyone you knew and purposely avoided them? haha always. especially if we’re acquaintances  Think of the last time you were REALLY angry, when was it? i forgot actually. i always get ‘mad’ but not to the extent of getting really angry Is there someone you can’t stop thinking about? no Will tomorrow be better than today? hmm it’ll be more uneventful than today tbh What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? i havent noticed lol Do you have children? no Last time you laughed really hard? today. no wait yesterday You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you? no Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? yes Where is your biological father right now? at home Where is your best friend right now? out with his friends Did the last person you kissed mean anything to you? the world Was it your fault your last relationship failed? no What will you be doing in five years? being a mum hopefully! Do you like reading? i did but its been ages since i found a good book Where is your mom right now? downstairs

[nicistrying]

this is gonna be a long work rant re: my post yesterday about closing up with my manager and not wanting to fuck up so feel free to scroll on past, I just need to vent somewhere 🙄

I got in at 3.30 after he asked me to start early and he said there was quite a lot to do. I thought I could probably get a reasonable amount of it done. Started with helping my friend get our usual work on frozen out of the way which took from 4-6pm. He'd asked me to work the chiller, change over a deals cabinet and put some tickets out by 9. It'll be tight but if I go fast enough it is possible!

Started working the chiller and some guys turned up with a cherry picker saying they needed to fix the air con but couldn't start working until we closed at 9, and would be working for 2 hours. So my manager comes to me and asks me to stay til 11 bc there have to always be at least 2 staff. The other 3 people who were in all live further away and don't drive so I said I would.

Working the chiller somehow took until 8.30, manager did the deals changeover bc time and I took my break bc I was starving.

9pm comes around and we can't find his keys to get into the office to get into the safe to be able to bring the tills to cash up. We found them by 9.20 so I ran down to empty the tills, but the keyring that these tiny keys are on is broken so they keep falling INTO the counter caches (deep metal boxes with fiddly bits in them which are intentionally difficult to get your hand in. Thankfully I have tiny hands and managed to get them out after a few tries and a lot of cussing).

I could not for the life of me get the safe open even though I KNOW how to do it, and have opened it several times before. My manager is laughing to try to calm me down but I'm just getting really panicky and embarrassed bc I've already told him he makes me really nervous and I always fuck up when he's there. He came to show me something earlier and I got flustered and he's standing there laughing saying why are you going red. It's not that he's intimidating or anything, I just really want him to know I can do my job but bc I want that so badly I end up fucking up. He eventually has to open the safe for me and I finally start cashing up at 9.30 and everything is going fine, he's left to do other stuff, 3 tills are pretty much balanced, I get to the last one and it's £10 over. So I text him to come in the office. He recounts it and it is indeed £10 over so he declares it.

He asks me to count the safe and I'm so panicky by this point that I have to count everything twice bc I'm so convinced I've miscounted somewhere, I give him my numbers and he puts them into the computer. The safe is now £30 over and we have no idea why. So he has to start counting everything again himself and I'm just sitting tensed up in my chair by now, just panicking and thinking if I don't do anything I can't do anything wrong, but he'll think I'm not capable of doing it myself, so I ask what I can do that's actually useful. He remembers about stuff on the shop floor that he'd forgotten about, so I go do that while he finishes recounting. He comes out at 10.45 and says he figured it out and the wrong money was in the first till I did by myself 🤦🏼‍♀️ So I'm extra embarrassed and feel dumb as fuck.

I tell him this and that I'm worried he just won't actually be able to leave me to ever close up by myself, and he tries to make me feel better by saying I can just do early shifts instead. I didn't really say anything back bc I kind of took that as confirmation that he agrees I probably can't do it. I know that's not actually what he meant bc he just kept saying I'll get better etc etc but I just felt so shit and it was such a knock to my confidence (which I did not need) bc I know I can do all of it myself, I've done it all myself before and been totally fine because I was in with deputy manager who is super chill about everything and just lets me get on until I ask a question. Which is what he did last night too, he even left the room so i would panic less but I still fucked it up.

We finally leave work at 11pm. He showed me his baby car seat in the back of his car all ready for when his baby boy arrives (not due until July. It was adorable). Matthew pulls up to pick me up and I tell him I fucked up. My manager is super nice about it and says 'she did not fuck up she just freaked out everything is fine she's fine she just needs to calm down' and I give him the finger because he was also very much freaking out. We all laugh and say goodnight.

I get in the car and have the actual panic attack I've been trying to hold off all night and cry to Matthew for a good 10 minutes solid when we get home.

I've woken up this morning still feeling a LOT of residual stress and anixety AND I came on which explains the whole fucking thing but I can't really tell my manager that. I thought about texting him to apoligise for having such a shitty attitude but I'll just leave it bc the less I say to him the less weird shit can come out. I'll laugh it off on Friday when I see him. I just feel bad bc at one point I told him I didn't want the keys or the responsibility any more and that he should give them to someone else. He laughed and told me to fuck off lmao and said I don't have a choice bc he's told his bosses he's training me and this other guy and he insisted I'll be fine eventually but ugh. I'm annoyed at myself for having such an awful attitude but I now know it was partly down to hormones which is kind of a relief but kind of just sucks. Trying to look on the bright side, I'm just grateful that he recognises that I have such low confidence and is willing to work with me like this rather than just giving me the keys and hoping for the best.

It's 9am and I have a lot of housework to do before I go back into work at 12 and I just feel so anxious and overwhelmed by it that I genuinely want to call in sick. I can't do that bc I'll get into a depression spiral if I'm sat at home by myself and I'm hoping that once I'm there I'll be okay bc deputy is in charge today and I love her. Might actually go in early just to ask for reassurance tbh.

I have a lot of other stuff I really need to do and organise for the weekend but I can't think about it right now bc even getting up and washing the dishes feels overwhelming atm. Hoping I'll feel good enough to text some people and make some plans when I finish tonight. 🤞🏻

[wovenstarlight]

YWBK update: chapter 26 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 26 here, or start from the beginning here

as always, commentary below the cut

Yoojin🐉😊

watch this space....

In preparation for it, Han Hyunjae temporarily requisitions Yoojin’s laptop and combs through the internet looking for photos of the Hunters that he thinks his family should know about in advance. He goes down one too many internet rabbit-holes, takes way too many screenshots, transcribes a summary of the notes in his future diary, then painstakingly puts everything together into a neat little presentation for them.

picture HHJ reading his fifth article wondering where the sung family heir has disappeared to and being like 👁️👁️👁️👁️

had a little giggle to myself about “future diary” that phrasing was definitely on purpose. will exclusively be referring to it as this now

“Right,” he starts, clapping his hands together, after Yerim’s been sent off to play with Hohyoung.

LHH is so much of a background figure.... i want to see more of himself but he likes his privacy.... he’s got his girlfriend and his baby sister and yoojin who’s wormed his way into his good graces by way of Living In Same House but that’s kinda it....... he’s always lurking in the background instead of showing up on screen. come here hohyoung oppa i just wanna talk

Even if Yoojin’s right, Han Hyunjae still has to protest. [...] But he can’t keep it up when Jiyeon looks at him like that.

KJY has the world’s best Stern Mom Voice and Disappointed Mom Glare and to her great delight they work even on fellow adult HHJ. she will use this power For Evil

The other S-ranks are Moon Hyuna, leader of Breaker Guild, and Bak Mingyu of Hanshin Guild.

OK FOR THIS PART I STRAIGHT FORGOT ABOUT HANSHIN GUILD AND I WAS COUNTING UP ON MY FINGERS LIKE WAIT... IF YERIM WAS THE EIGHTH KOREAN S-RANK WHO WERE THE SEVEN BEFORE HER.... (for those curious they were 1. sung hyunjae, 2. han yoohyun, 3. moon hyuna, 4. song taewon, 5. bak mingyu of hanshin, 6. choi sukwon of MKC, and 7. yoon kyeongsoo of soodam. but. i forgot about the last three altogether.)

“Oh, blond guy,” Yoojin says, unimpressed. “Yeah, I’ve seen him on the news and stuff.”

Top 10 Funny Yoojin Moments (I JUST THINK IT’D BE REALLY FUNNY IF HAN “HAVE I MENTIONED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES HOW HANDSOME SUNG HYUNJAE IS” YOOJIN DID NOT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HIM IN THIS TIMELINE....)

Han Hyunjae takes a moment to double-check that he really doesn’t have Noise Resistance (L), and looks back in time to see Yoojin rubbing at his eyes and glaring at the screen. 

HEHEHE...... A SECRET TOOL THAT WILL HELP US LATER

“Hyunjae-yah,” Jiyeon says, looking at the photo of Sung Hyunjae on screen, “this man looks—” “LIKE A PIECE OF WHITE BREAD,” Yoojin bellows. [...] “HYUNG THINKS HE LOOKS GOOD? [...] Oh, god, he kinda does, [...] but like, in a trashy romance novel cover way.” [... Jiyeon] gives the computer screen an assessing once-over. “He looks like the models in cologne advertisements.”

this part of the chapter was planned waaaay back in august 2020 and i actually crowdfunded these descriptions from the s-class server dshblksjdfkblsdfb. the original suggestions (thanks to server members for these):

“bland whitie potato with a slap-on seme personality”

“tacky valentine’s day/mom’s cologne advertisement”

“the face of the dude on the cover of all my mom’s trashy romance novels”

and tbh HYJ does think he genuinely looks good but like, disgustingly good, you know... also Hyung Likes Him so [19 gun emojis]

also me handwaving moment of mild homophobia because like. jiyeon doesn’t know yet AND homophobia is a thing in this world BUT i don’t really wanna do, All That (we already did it with HYJ once), so.

“Do S-ranks get rich?” Yerim asks as she enters, because apparently everyone’s coming for his life today. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes and lies down on the bed while Yoohyun calls out an affirmation over his head. “Then I think— oh! He looks nice!” He cracks open an eye just in time to see her nod. “I think ahjussi should marry him for the eye candy and the money.” She beams very wide. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes again and tunes out the loud conversation going on around him. And wishes, not for the first time, that he’d picked literally any other name when he first got here.

yerim says gay rights cuz she’s like 12 rn and she straight up does not really care. but says it in, like, the most frustrating way possible.

sometimes you just need to lie down even as the world keeps throwing shit at you. just lie down and nap for a little bit. especially when the shit in question is the alias regret you had literally back in chapter one of your 25+ chapter story. this is gonna come back to bite you in the ass Very Fucking Soon babe!!!!

You Oh this is like the 17th one I got wrong I swear this course is trying to kill me

me, flicking on that EPSON brand projector,

(i have. been having a Time of it.)

[Yoojin🐉😊 called you (21:35)]

that’s minutes and seconds babey... you can pretty much guess the content of call from context :(

well, uh. most of call. some internal plot and Realizations happening right at the end of those 21 minutes, 35 seconds. namely:

Yoojin🐉❤️

:-)

or i dunno you can be my roommate and we can both leech off my rich and prosperous baby brother!

[extremely sad voice] heehoo... they... care each other....

YMW’s parents are kinda shit ngl. they care about him, but unfortunately, that does not show through in their care for him, ykwim? if they just paid attention to what he was actually talented at and encouraged him in his efforts.................

well, he wouldn’t have met HYJ in canon. but he would also have been a lot happier!! and YMW deserves to be happy!!!!!!!! YMW fucking rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You When you came with me to drop off Jihui’s standee. 

they finally remembered her name sjfbklsjdfbl

Yoojin🐉❤️ OH right i was talking to one of my new commissioners about their piece realized they were an old friend of hyung’s

HEEHOO.... HONKS MY LITTLE CLOWN NOSE yoojin forgot to ask about pronouns but that’s okay they’re figuring that stuff out still

Yoojin🐉❤️ it’s getting late the kids are going to bed i have to turn off the lights 

you can take the caregiver out the role of caregiving but he will still think of his baby siblings as his kids

Part of that is changing his behaviour. Hyunjae and Yoojin sit side by side and watch as Suk Simyeong gently coaches Yoohyun on how to interact with others and present a neutral, if not friendly, exterior.

[same voice as ingredience] neurodivergence.....

try and look them in the eye, or at least look somewhere on or near their face, if eye contact is too much

yoohyun, who’s the type to look people in the eye without blinking until they inevitably look away because then they don’t try that eye contact shit again later:

tbh i kinda made up shit for the Training In Formality section i don’t know shit about being Formal and Polite. hope i got it right :pensive:

“He’s not good with touch,” Hyunjae cuts in. [...] “Sorry,” [Yoojin] says apologetically to Suk Simyeong, crossing the room and gently pressing a hand against Yoohyun’s back. The kid slowly stops rocking and leans into the touch as he talks.

he’s not good with touch, Usually..... there are exceptions :-) every time i think about this being canon i go insane. wow. love and trust and faith.

Suk Simyeong nods understandingly, giving the closed door a considering look. “If that’s the case, perhaps he can take over part of the preparations,” he offers.

SSM who’s frothing at the mouth wanting to know more about this dude who apparently did some killer business deal with the head of Dungeon Task Force who all the dungeon people are gossiping about on their phone calls while they cart around unassuming A-rank businessmen: PLEEAAASEE fucking involve him PLEEEEASE make him involve himself in business with me

Still, Yoojin’s work is fairly repetitive and boring, so Hyunjae and the women pull out a pack of UNO cards from somewhere and start playing while he works, not paying much attention to either of the boys.

plugging my Han/Bak family playing UNO art here, please reblog like and subscribe,

He stares down at Yoohyun’s hair. Yoohyun’s wavy hair sits there judgmentally. Yoojin bemoans his budding career as a stylist and admits, “This… isn’t working.”

i’m sorry sweetie... hair isn’t your forte :( you can still do fashion if you try really hard

(fun fact about this whole scene, yoohyun not being able to straighten his hair until he could control flame resistance is Certified Canon!)

“No, shit, don’t get up.” Yoojin flaps his free hand at him distractedly. Hyunjae and his need to do everything himself, jeez. “I mean, like. The iron is not. Straightening.”

“hyunjae and his need to do everything” says the man who a few paragraphs ago wanted to be hair makeup clothing and management all in one

“Okay, but why is it not working, though? Is the iron not turned on?” Wow. Wow! Yoojin wonders suddenly if Yoohyun ever felt as homicidal towards him as Yoojin’s currently feeling towards his big brother. If he ever had, then it’s frankly stunning Yoojin’s survived as long as he did. “Do you think I’m stupid,” he snaps. “It’s plugged in.” “Yeah, but did you turn it on.” “You know what, why don’t you touch it and see?” Yoojin unplugs the straightening iron for a minute so that he can take it over to Hyunjae, presenting it to him with a flourish. The heat will hold on for the few seconds this takes. “Come on, touch it right now. I dare you.”

zmur put this into words better than i can, she described this part as “the feeling when elder siblings doubt your intelligence”--

“What if you used a regular iron. Like for clothes,” Hyunjae says, completely ignoring Yoohyun. Yoojin hums thoughtfully.

--and this part as “THEY ARE RIGHT TO DOUBT IT !”

“Killjoy,” Hyunjae mutters so only he and Yoojin can hear.

(should doubt your elder sibling’s intelligence too, once in a while. keep them on their toes.)

“HAN YOOHYUN YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF THAT RIGHT NOW,” Yoojin and Hyunjae and Jiyeon holler in perfect unison.

parental instinct for particular phrasings of commands

“Flame Resistance,” Yoohyun reads out. “S-rank.” It’s not heat resistance, but it’s pretty close, so it probably still applies.

hum hum the flame skill works on heat as well, huh

Yoojin’s watching Hyunjae idly when the flickers start up at the edge of his vision again. He blinks, rubbing his eyes idly, and looks back up in time to see, just for a split second— 

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE VISION PROBLEMS WAS IT? RUBBING HIS EYES WAS IT??

“Eh? It didn’t? I’ll… I’ll try it again, one second.” Nothing, for a second— but no, there is, pale flashes here and there. Yoojin shakes his head and blinks. They die down, then start up again. Fainter, this time. Why? 

gonna say this here because i accidentally set it up as a Thing there’s. there’s no reason. whether the message shows up or not is pretty much random error.

“Ahjussi has an L-rank skill?” Yerim demands. “That’s so cool!” Jiyeon and Yoohyun and Yoojin stare at Hyunjae in silence as he returns Yerim’s eager high-five. He cowers when he notices them.

these three are already so mad and they don’t know that between S and L there’s SS and SSS. they’re gonna be SOOOOO mad. anyway yerim remains the chillest in the room

“So, say you needed to cauterize a wound in an emergency, and you didn’t have access to healing items or Hunters. You could drop the Resistance there, set it on fire, and just… sear it shut.” Yoohyun blinks, an intrigued look coming into his eyes, and looks down at his own forearm. “That’s true, I could probably…” “Yeah, food for thought, I suppose.” “What the hell?!” Yerim yelps. “Though it’s up to you if you want to try it. I still think your hair is fine as is, we don’t have to—” “That’s horrifying,” Yoojin blurts. “No, I should know how. In case something happens like you said. How do I do it?” “Now hold on a second,” Jiyeon says, voice rapidly rising in pitch.

sometimes i think about how dungeon stuff made yoojin significantly more chill with violence and murder and self mutilation in some cases. and how he comments specifically (i think this might be in a slightly later chapter, possibly unreleased) that people like myeongwoo who don’t have those extra years of immersion in the dungeon culture still reject and avoid violence and killing whenever possible. really makes you think

anyway! i saved some extra commentary for those okay with spoilers. continue reading at your own risk. extra large warning in case you’re skilling

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE BELOW CONTENT!!!! IT DRAWS ON INFO FROM UNTRANSLATED CHAPTERS, POST-170S AT LEAST!

“How many of these people did you personally know?” “Not many!” “So one, then,” Yoojin concludes. “You don’t know that!”

HE DIDN’T SAY THAT YOOJIN WAS RIGHT, THOUGH..............

“Why did you pick his name out of everyone’s! I thought you weren’t in touch with S-ranks. I thought you picked a friend’s name!”

:)

they wanted some kind of bedroom decoration for a family member, counting sheep or something, i forget 

a sheep, for a family member of one of han hyunjae’s old acquaintances, is it

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and  I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

[xllxxrbxg]

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

[yyxgin]

meteor garden is so problematic honestly my favourite part was when there was a meteor shower for 10 whole seconds somewhere mid 20’s episode. i forgot to mention she HAS a job she just like never went (on camera at least) she goes to uni that’s why she’s so broke too. it’s typical rich family pays off poor girl to leave her son alone but son is the one chasing the girl 🤡

HAJSJSKSKAKKA i got so much stuff from that album i didn’t realise how much i really got until i got a different album and i was like,, okay. i got a chan pc, double sided han pc, minho pc, changbin polaroid pc, changbin & minho film strip and a kind of pop out thing? of i.n. there’s an ot7 thing too but i figured everyone got that.

i recently watched... uh... into the dark? and it was in french and i didn’t even realise i wasn’t reading the subtitles i was like ~woah~

if you don’t mind me asking ~ what’s your part time job? only bc we can make conversation about it!! also i freaked out at my last job bc i thought i’d put down my details wrong as a lady at hq rang me to tell me they were having problems paying me 😰 i think the computer might’ve read my numbers wrong bc i write in cursive but like... i write more... how do i say... comic sans? for formal docs bc the computer can read my handwriting and people can read it too T-T we used to get told for exams to write really neatly bc if the examiners can’t read it they don’t mark it and we work solely off of essay writing here (or short answers no multiple choice bs) so i worried that i’d get stuck w the one examiner who couldn’t read my writing but the boy who’s handwriting looks like a spider ran across his book gets someone who can read it perfectly fine 😓 my ultimate fear tbh. i love the extra flourish i can add to envelopes just by writing all fancy-like.

YES YOLO!! i’m a libra so i’m the worst at decision making so when i do it’s impulsive and i have to say things like yolo to justify myself and then i’m gucci for the day.

yuta makes me so 😳🥵🤪😚😳😍🥵🤪 for every reason. i have a weakness for japanese men... my mind just goes into overdrive and i short circuit,, i’m afraid of watching shotaro content bc he’s just so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and do i dare risk it?

personally, i enjoy russian roulette by rv but that’s very, pop-y of them. i like b sides by them more bc they carry a different sound to them. ice cream cake is good. and future!!! i like future bc i watched start-up tho 🤩 ladies night is a fun one and if i remember correctly time slip was good? i have a massive playlist with loads of artists so i need a refresher on rv as got7 and simon dominic have been in heavy rotation recently 😬

what did you do today? how did your interview go? (or am i too early?) wait i think i asked about it earlier oops 🙊 lots of love and positivity being sent your way ~ 🌻

and stop apologising about replying to asks late!!! 😐 i deliberately send asks bc you can take your time over them!! i really don’t mind how long you take!!!!!!!!!!!! 😙 ~ 🌻

ITS OFFICIAL I LOVE METEOR GARDEN DJSJSJ

you have like,,,,so much stuff ??? i wanna steal ????? i would literally do anything for that minho pc😔💔 i think the moment i buy my first album im literally gonna freak out from whoever i get 😩✋

i dont mind u asking !! my part time job is like,, working in this one shop called pepco, idk if you guys have it there lol. its like working behind the cash register and also helping with like,,restocking the shelves and stuff. i'm starting in june hhh lets hope i make some friends as well bc that lady said there are a few girls in my age starting at the same time so we can only hope haha. also i totally get you,,my handwriting changes like every year bc i get an identity crisis and change it lmaoo but people always tell me its really messy and sometimes unreadable😔

YOU ARE A LIBRA ?? I AM IN LOVE W YOU my moon is in libra so decision making isnt my best quality either but the aries sun in me just says fuck it 90% of the time so i'm good.

SHOTARO IS THE LOML HE IS SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺 but also his predebut tiktoks,,,,,much thoughts. yes. his instagram is the best thing that's ever happened to me, like yes get it king 😩

oooh i love russian rulette !! 🤩🤩 i am also a fan of ice cream cake but i dont know the other ones you mentioned, i'll have to give them a listen 😎

i didnt reply yesterday because i was out the whole day with my best friend and when i came home i had a glass of wine and got really sleepy💔and today i just cleaned my room and i'm about to water my plants lets hope i dont forget after finishing this reply,,,my interview went good hhh thanks !!! how has your day been ? ❤

sending u love !! <3

[purplesurveys]

1192

Have you ever tried a colorful macaroon? Maybe you mean macarons? I’ve never seen a macaroon with food coloring before.

Do you say macaroon or macaron? It depends on what I’m referring to because they’re two different kinds of food.

Do you know what a macaroon is? Yes, they taste terrible.

Would you rather go to Paris or London? Both sound a bit too boring of a trip for me tbh, I’d rather go to other European cities.

Which national flag do you like the best? I’m not that into flags to have a favorite...I like how Nepal’s has a unique shape, though.

Name 3 celebrities people say you look like. Lucy Hale, Anna Akana, and a local celebrity you wouldn’t know about.

^Do you agree? I never saw myself looking like Anna but that’s actually the most common one I get, so I just might not know my face all that well. The only one that’s agreeable enough with me is the last celebrity I mentioned.

Do you know anyone who looks like Taylor Swift? No, especially not on this side of the planet.

Have you ever been betrayed by a best friend? Yes but that was like back in the fifth grade. I’ve been very selective of my friends ever since.

What color is the sweatshirt that you wear the most? Black.

Do you have a mirror in your room? No. I don’t really feel as if I need it.

What was the last thing you painted? I last painted on a paint-by-numbers kit, but it’s been a while since I took up the hobby. I want to get back around to it someday, but proably not any time soon as I find it a tad bit time-consuming.

Do you correct grammatical errors online? Not other people’s, but yeah I edit my posts whenever I catch a typo or grammar error. I also edit survey questions if they aren’t in proper grammar, just so other people who’d want to take the same survey won’t have to deal with it and point it out anymore.

What’s the last thing you made out of clay? I’ve only done pottery once, and that time I was taught how to make a vase. I wasn’t able to see the end result though since they still had to bake it and everything, and I was only staying in that town for a few days.

Do you go for days without washing your hair? No, I absolutely hate that feeling. My hair starts getting itchy after a day or so of not washing it and it feels irritating, so I feel the need to shower everyday.

When is the last time you had scrambled eggs and bacon? Maybe around a week ago? It’s something my parents make regularly for breakfast, alongside other local breakfast dishes.

Do you like bacon bits on your salad? I don’t really eat salad but sure, I’ll take some bacon in mine.

What is your favorite salad dressing? See above.

What is your favorite kind of soup? Not a big soup person either. I suppose I’m most enthusiastic about miso soup, if anything.

Do you eat a lot of soup? Not at all. I don’t think I ever purposely ordered it at a restaurant either; I only consume soup if it already comes as a freebie with my order.

Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? Nope, was never a hobby of mine. This reminds me that I have a mason jar filled with date receipts and love notes on tiny Post-Its from my last relationship, though...I literally can’t remember if I’ve since thrown it out, but I also haven’t seen it in a while...hm. I guess I’ll try looking for it later today and throw it away if I do find it still lying around in my room.

What’s a trend that you never caught on to? Remember when I said streetwear like, literally a month ago? Lmaoooooo I’m into it now. That’s why I’ll just skip over this question HAHAHAHA I always end up being obsessed with the things I swear off in the beginning :((((

What’s a trend that you haven’t caught on to yet, but you want to? Vlogging? It’d be nice to make a video or two of my own.

Do you type fast? Very. My co-workers recently started sharing this typing speed website that we’re all free to try out and so far I’m the official reigning champion haha. No one has beaten my WPM record yet.

Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yes. I never adopted the ‘standard’ finger practice though; I type only with my index and middle fingers.

How many years were you homeschooled? I was never homeschooled.

If applicable, what’s a youtuber you would love to collab with? Louise Pentland.

Do you think you’re successful in life? Not quite there yet, but I’m comfortable with the way I’m working towards it for now. It’s nice to be doing things that I know will lead to something in the future.

What color is the tree outside your window? If you mean the leaves, then green.

What color is your rug, if you have one? (not carpet, rug) I don’t have one in my room but the main one we have in the living room is brown.

What do you take for pain? I take a Biogesic pill for headaches. If I get muscle sores/strains, I rub Katinko on the spots that hurt.

Which pharmacy do you use? I never need to go to those but I can always take a drive to the nearby Mercury Drug.

Do you reapply nail polish when it starts to chip? I don’t wear nail polish at all.

What is this month’s calendar picture? I don’t use a calendar.

What was the last thing you ate? Sushiiiiiiiii. I made a very impulsive and rash decision to buy THREE ORDERS of sushi yesterday. I hadn’t eaten all day and I also had a crappy at work, and my clouded judgment thought buying 24 pieces of maki was the way to go. I’m still in the stage of trying to convince myself I deserved it anyway.

What are your favorite things to put in tea? I don’t drink tea tea, but when I buy milk tea I always go for chocolate flavors. I also don’t like pearls in my milk tea.

Do you wish the Unicorn Frappuccino was a regular drink at Starbucks? I never go for customized drinks, so I don’t care at all about this.

Is there a coffee shop in your town that’s better than Starbucks? Possibly, but I may not have checked it out yet. For now, I like buying from Starbucks.

Do you frequent any coffee shops? Back in college I used to alternate between Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf; I’d go several times a week to either because coffee shops were the best place to study at.

What’s your favorite Lisa Frank character? I was never aware that there were characters lol. I thought it was only her.

Which Disney character looks the most like you? Raya for sure, but before her, I felt a big connection with Moana.

Did you go to Disney World or Disneyland as a kid? No, I haven’t gotten to go yet. It would be nice if my first time could also already be a trip with my own kid in the future :)

Do you live with a demon? Talk about creepy question lol. No.

Who has the best personality on youtube? Who cares? < I mean, same. I’m sure they all put up a show to some extent - I don’ think anyone would ever know the answer to this...but personally, those whose personalities I find really endearing would beeeeee Grace Helbig, Kelsey Impicciche, Kelsey Darragh, and Andrew Ilnyckyj.

What are some of your goals for this year? Stay employed, be better at my job, collect more BTS albums.

Does it feel like spring yet? We don’t have spring, so I don’t know what that would feel like.

What do you do to celebrate Earth Day? I don’t wait until April 22 to do something for the planet.

How do you celebrate Easter? I don’t.

Have you ridden your bike yet this year? I can’t ride bikes, haaaaa.

What does your bike look like? The family bike has some blue and grey on it. Not that I ever practice riding it.

What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? I like the house that we live in now. I like that we have a rooftop and that we don’t live with extended family.

Do you shop at Aeropostale? No, and I’m not sure we have Aeropostale shops here. The only reason we ever got Aeropostale items of clothing in the past was because relatives living in the States would occasionally bring home a box of pasalubong for us here in the Philippines.

What’s the last thing you wore from Aeropostale? Idk, probably a shirt. Have you ever been to a church that just wanted your money? Aren’t all churches like that? < Can agree and can confirm. My local parish has been undergoing a ridiculously extravagant renovation for years now and the thing is that the renovation is meant to be so fucking fancy they clearly can’t afford it, so they’ve been pooling money from churchgoers for years now as well. When we could still physically attend mass I used to keep myself from laughing everytime one of the church staff would come up on the podium and ask for money again.

Who is someone you are struggling to forgive, if applicable? I don’t struggle to forgive. I just don’t forgive. If someone does me wrong I just do my best to block them out of my memories, get into the mindset that they never existed, and live peacefully from there.

Have you ever had someone try to intentionally bully you to suicide? I don’t think so, at least not intentionally. My mom always did it unintentionally though, especially in my tween and teen years. She was always very harsh with her words and actions (she still is, but we don’t butt heads as often anymore). I didn’t have a very good emotional foundation mainly thanks to her and I had to claw my own way to get to be the much more stable self I am today.

What’s your favorite type of cereal? Sweet ones.

Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? I never babysat kids outside of younger relatives.

Who is your favorite cousin? My eldest cousin from my mom’s side. I’ve always viewed him more as a brother than a cousin since we did live under the same roof for nearly a decade before my family moved to our own home.

Does one side of your family live in another state? My family is spread out everywhere, dude. I have relatives living in another town, another city, another province, another region, another island, another country. Idk about cultures but that’s generally how Filipino families are to begin with.

What states did your parents grow up in? I’m not saying that.

Do you want kids? If yes, how many? It would be nice. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find someone I would want to marry and have a family with. It definitely seems bleak, but then again I’m 23 lmao. I’m not in a hurry.

What’s a craft that you’ve seen online that you don’t think will work? Most of the shit that that 5 Minute Crafts channel or whatever they’re called puts out.

What, if anything, are you severely allergic to? Grass.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? Nopes.

How do you react to bee stings? I’ve never been stung and I hope that never happens to me.

Is there a good hospital where you live? I’m not so sure; I don’t take trips to the hospital frequently.

What’s your favorite kind of tea to drink in the spring? I never drink tea. Never been my...cup of tea? Hahahaha.

What are your favorite biblical names for girls? Elizabeth and Eden.

…for boys? Luke, Noah, Jacob, Seth.

What color nail polish do you usually wear in the spring? Again, I never put on nail polish.

What’s your favorite color that you’ve dyed your hair? I haven’t tried dyeing my hair either :( It’s something I want to explore, though.

Do you ever eat ice cream in the winter? We don’t have winter but yeah, I’m not opposed to having ice cream when the climate is on the cooler side.

How often do you wash your sheets? Every month or so.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? No one got away with pulling that kind of shit in my old school.

^Did everyone hate her/him? -

^Were you his/her target? -

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Days 276-280

December 13-17 Maybe I just haven't had too much to say lately, or maybe I have just been hit with the one-two punch of ennui and busyness. We were supposed to leave yesterday for our trip to North Carolina, so I spent several days getting ready for that. The only thing worse than trying to get the house set up for a trip of several weeks in length is doing it knowing that people are going to come in while we're gone. I was able to put off the pest control people by telling them we were quarantining, which had the advantage of being absolutely true, but it also gave me extra time to clean the kitchen and the bathrooms which were the places they wanted to spray. Thank god we don't actually have bugs, those sprayings are much more invasive. This time I didn't have to empty out the cabinets or anything, just clean stuff. So a lot of time the past few days has been spent packing and cleaning. I even got down on my literal hands and knees to wash the kitchen floor. (My kitchen is so small that it doesn't make a lot of sense to use a mop.) It looks nicer now than it has in ages, tbh, just in time for us to be gone. Those pest control folks had better be very impressed. I also did more advanced planning for this trip than I usually do, packing my yarn bags and the toiletries kit several days in advance instead of my usual strategy of throwing in anything that is around on my way out the door. I was so proud of myself! Even my suitcase looks nice, everything folded and in the right place, and with the straps on to make sure it doesn't shift around too much.  Then Wednesday rolled around  and we didn't go. See it turns out that Kiddo had a standardized test to do that afternoon, the MAP test for those of you who follow such things. I cannot begin to express what kind of bullshit it is to make the kids do  standardized tests in a year like this, but it is what it is. We could've just ignored it, but I want to take the kiddo to the sea island where my folks spend the late winter for a little bit in February, and we will be better positioned to do that if we don't piss off the school too much with absences. Wednesdays are supposed to be asynchronous learning days, ideal for traveling, but instead we'd have had to stick around until nearly 3pm before heading out for a six and a half hour drive. Couple that with a gnarly winter storm weather forecast and we elected to push the trip forward by a day.  It was the right decision, but it did mean that the kiddo missed a partial day since my hotspot could not keep up with streaming his classwork once we left. He was there in the morning though, and that's when they take attendance. I made sure he did his homework. Tomorrow is the last day before break anyway, I doubt they were piling too much new stuff on. We had a brief scare when the car threw us a "bad key" error as we were trying to leave, but got it resolved and made excellent time with only one stop along the way. There was a lot of traffic! I listened to the entire soundtrack of 10 Things I Hate About You, my favorite 90s nostalgia album. Every song a banger, I tell you what. Anyway, we arrived about an hour before it started to snow, and early enough so that we could help MIL get into her book club Zoom meeting, so that was good.  Man, computers have really been a thing this week. The Red Cross rolled out a new system for getting people hooked up with services and emergency funds after a disaster, and it is _fucking awful._ It is so, so, so bad. It went live on Tuesday, and wouldn't you know it, Tuesday night I had my first call of the week. It wasn't a great call to start with, not a lot of information, some of it thirdhand, fire department no longer on scene. It's the sort of call where I would usually have to do a little extra poking the system and maybe make a couple extra calls to get everything perfect, but where it wouldn't be too big a deal. But because I marked one checkbox incorrectly on one page of this 25 page one-way flow, the system wouldn't let me set up the financial aid and it wouldn't tell me what was wrong or how to fix it.  I had to apologize to the client and tell him I would call him back because I had to figure out what was wrong. Figuring out what was wrong required contacting my coordinator, who three way called me with our area leader, who eventually put me into a Teams meeting via phone with two of her supervisors, while one person in that meeting simultaneously connected to the national watch floor so somebody could give us some goddamned technical support. (I tried calling the new tech support hotline, but they said they couldn't help me and I'd have to talk to my supervisor who had told me to call them in the first place.) So this all takes about an hour, which is actually pretty fast given all the moving parts involved and the fact that nobody knows shit about this one-day-old system, but is a long time when you have just had a fire and have young children and no place to stay. Finally, about a zillion steps up the Red Cross food chain from me, somebody is able to access the system and do the required approval (I had put a 1 instead of a 2 in what was apparently an extremely important box), and the financial assistance went through. I was able to help the client and it turned out okay, but it was HORRIBLE. I have done another call and talked to several people since then, and none of us can find one thing that the new system has made better, only things that are worse. It sucks. At least I go off shift for the month tonight.  Anyway, that was my week, but we finished our quarantine and now I am in North Carolina and that is good. MIL is happy for the company and Victoria and Tanika the cats have not tried to kill each other yet, and it's nice. Tomorrow we pickup groceries and try to get a Christmas tree, which are in short supply this year. But for now, rest! 

[quaranteenedseniors]

School is DRAINING!

Hello everyone, and happy weekend! I can’t believe today is Sunday, but that means that tomorrow is Monday, which means that we have school, ugh. I really was looking forward to my senior year, I had the idea that teachers will be more lenient because they know that we have IB exams and IAs, but nope, they really aren’t being lenient at all.

 This week didn’t suck as much, besides my French teacher, who thinks we only have her class, so she gave us a lot of work, and my lovely Tok teacher who has been making us write the Tok essay and I don’t even know what I’m saying in that paper. It’s worst than terrible, it’s as if a fitfh grader wrote it(I know, sad), but it’s okay, I’ll fix it somehow (at least I hope I do).The only class that I don’t really complain is English, and that’s because in that class we just read some chapters for homework, take a 10 question quiz, and then have quote discussions in groups. I mean, it does get tiring because we do the samething every class, but the teacher’s really nice and we don’t get a lot of homework like in other classes.

My life is now focused on school only, and that’s sad. My day consists of attending my four classes, then doing homework, then doing SAT practice, and then doing more homework. At least my corky friends make the day more fun, with their crazy messages and screenshots of them in class. But it’s sad how I don’t have many classes with them, and even none with some of them. It’s also sad how I can’t even watch my Kdramas as much as I used to during summer, and that’s because there’s always something to do for school or college. But because I’m so smart, I just watch my dramas in my computer with the volume off while the teachers are “lecturing,” and it becomes a very good class. Talking about college, I didn’t think that it would be this stressful, I mean I did but I didn’t at the sametime. Like there’s so much to do, and there are deadlines that we have to meet, but like in my case, I have a deadline coming soon, but there are some people who haven’t submitted what they’re supposed to, which means I might not be able to submit the application in time.

I really can’t just wait until this year is over, everytime I realize that tomorrow I have school, and then the next day, and the day after that, I just get really tired and sad. Every school day, I just start calculating how much is left until the day is over, and I do that everyday until it’s the weekend. This has become a cycle at this point. At least I was able to go to church yesterday after not going for a long time, and that was fun. But now it’s Sunday and I got homework to do, and more stressing as well. Isn’t that nice? I really don’t know how I’ve been able to survive IB tbh. But oh well, that’s life right, and at least we only have this year left and after that I’m saying bye bye to IB forever.

So yeah, ladies and gentlemans, enjoy what’s left of the weekend, and see you neext weekend with more stories about how great my week was, I’m sure it’s going to be AMAZINGG.

Blessings,

-cc

[antpernas]

11/17/20

you bitches better buckle up bc the trip to georgia went from bad to horrible VERY QUICKLY OSIDFLJSLDFK

SO just to note after i posted yesterday he came to the couch and started cuddling me while watching tiktoks and we were chatting and it was cute!! and i woke up feeling really good actually!! i was really confident that we were going to be able to enjoy the trip even without the intention of pursuing anything romantically afterwards! today we had plans to go around and look at atlanta, go thrifting, probably eat out too, etc. so i was really excited! and originally we were going to go to savannah today to go to the beach but then that went out the window alksfjslkdn

so i went to sleep the night before way earlier than dan, he had a presentation at 8 AM and he still hadnt completed the powerpoint for it. personally i thought he shouldve gone to sleep right when he did but he stayed up until 8 AM to present and then knocked out after. the consequence of that is that i woke up at 9 AM and was waiting for him to wake up all the way until 3 in the afternoon ASLKJLSKFDS

so finally he wakes up, i was kinda hoping that he would initiate the effort to actually go out like we had planned, especially since in our conversation on the drive home yesterday i had told him it really sucks to always be the one making the first effort literally all the time (not just with him but in general), and he said he would try to be more proactive to make me feel appreciated (that didnt happen aksfjlkf). so yeah no after thirty minutes of him not saying anything to me after he woke up i go ask him if hes still down to go out, and how i was waiting for him to wake up bc i didnt want to leave him alone in the aptmt to go thrifting cuz i thought that was mean, etc. he gets ready, we head out, he asks to drive my car and i say no bc he keeps breaking like a fucking maniac after id told him specifically not to bc it stresses me out !! we get in and head out

thrifting was pretty cool actually, there was like a LITTLE bit of awkward tension but it wasnt that bad, the thrift stores were super cool and i found some pretty nice stuff while i was there B) he also bought a bunch of stuff he liked so i thought it was a win win! we went and got food after, then we headed back to his place, which is where shit REALLY hit the fan

when we get back to his place he goes straight to his computer again. i go to the couch to eat, and after like a half hour of literally nothing–no chatting, no cuddling, he didnt even eat with me we just ate separately– i started looking into getting an airbnb and meeting other guys to try and salvage the trip. i told myself if he doesnt try to make a move to make me feel welcomed by the time my laundry was done, ill leave

THEN..... he starts getting dressed, and he heads to the door and he says to me “so youre gonna have the place to yourself for a little bit, im going to go out with some friends” and he leaves me alone in his house. this was extra ironic for me bc i remember before i had started the drive up and we were working out the details, i asked how long he would want me to stay, and he told me after wednesday he had a lot of stuff for school so he wouldnt be able to give me his attention or focus so he would feel bad if i stayed any longer; i said that that was totally fine and i thanked him for being considerate. and for that whole sentiment to be thrown out the window (if it hadnt ALREADY been bc he was just ignoring the fact that i was sitting on his couch twiddling my thumbs) when he left me alone in his house- yeah just comedy bitch COMEDYYY

and so i try to look into getting an airbnb and turns out i CANT bc my number is still linked to somebody elses fucking account and airbnb doesnt let you update it without access to the original account. at that fucking point i was pissed and i didnt even care about trying to salvage the trip so i just decide to drive home

i start getting my stuff ready and i messaging my friends about all this stuff, i end up facetiming my friend to tell them about it and their like “this is absolutely infuriating. youre not mad enough for me. burn that house down. steal his shit.” LOLLL it was just a mess!! i get all my stuff ready, i pack up my car and i leave

this one dude on grindr i was chatting to earlier had invited me over, i take him up on his offer and he was really sweet! we chatted about anime, played some video games for a little bit, his cat was adorable and it was a nice little thing. i was only there for an hour or so before i started heading home again

yeah all in all the trip was preeetttyyyyy much a bust, theres a lot of shit that pisses me off when i think about dan now (he was a huge hypocrite (he got mad at me for calling him out when he tried to excuse his behavior by saying it was bc of his trauma, but then made jokes about my r*pist.......), tbh kind of a sociopath, took a lot of pride in telling me about how hes so toxic and gaslights people all the time and i was just confused as to why he thought that would make me think any better of him at all/???, had a really concerning sense of humor that like took joy in suffering “ironically,” etc.) but i dont want to be resentful or spiteful or anything and honestly im not even that mad AT him!! he has a lot of potential in life and hes still super interesting, he just needs to heal a lot and GO TO THERAPY bc jesus fucking christ

but yeah thats my story about yesterday, im gonna write the one for today even though its not that eventful but i hope you enjoyed these little chronicles lakfsjlaksdf