#tbh this is not my best work but i still hope y’all accept it

[catboybiologist]

I'm trans! Here's a way-too-long ramble on my internal thoughts on that!

My other posts on this:

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/725852054829023232/im-going-to-document-some-things-about-my?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/725851397783011328/the-short-answer-is-no-but-im-gonna-have-a?source=share

So yay I’m trans! Which like, is neither unexpected nor abnormal for the community I’ve fostered here, so I’m guessing most of y’all’s reactions is just a “hey cool”. But, you see the online side of me, not the irl side, so there’s still a lot of thoughts to sort out on my end. So I’m dumping a lot of thoughts here to sort all that out. And hoooly shit, it got very long, and I still feel like I have more to say… but yeah. If you wanna hear some perspectives on my relation to gender, transness, and femboy culture, read on!

I guess the best way I can think to style this is as an interview with an imaginary third person, sooo…. Bold text is questions I can imagine people having LOL

So what’s my own personal relationship with the term femboy, catboy, and gendered terminology in general? Is the name of your accounts gonna change?

Short answer, no. I like the name CatboyBiologist. “Catboy” itself is a term that is completely untethered from gender at this point to me. Tbqh, the “cat” part feels more wrong than the boy part- as time goes on, I’ve generally ditched the cat ears for most of my outfits as I take them a bit more seriously. Maybe that’ll change when my transition actually starts, but for now, CatboyBiologist stays, and the femboy related language stays in all of my own past posts (keyword, past- more on that in a bit).

I’m not gonna be updating my approach to pronouns. Any pronouns do just fine, I’m sending a vibe into the world and pronouns are my feedback as to what other people interpret that vibe is. Default to they/them if you don’t know what to do with that.

I will be updating my pinned post to link all of these posts, but mostly copy/paste the information from before. That might take a moment cuz I’m lazy, tbh.

And let’s get something else out of the way.

I’m not socially transitioning yet, and probably won’t for a while.

Which, I think leads to a lot of follow up:

Well, why not?

I present fully male and masculine on a day to day basis, and look the part too. Part of it is just this looks insecurity. The mask stays on in my pictures for a reason. Beyond just facial hair (which grows aggressively on me and always shows some shadow), my face looks pretty masculine overall. It takes time to look the way I do in my posts. I wanna give my face and body some time to change so I can look more femme in more casual ways before I present it to the world.

Beyond that, I’m also just worried about being “accepted” as femme straight off the bat. Implicitly, I know this will be easier if I already have some small amounts of physical feminization down my belt.

There’s two main environments that worry me: family, and professionally. Family is a weird hot mess grey area that is too personal to talk about here, but the professional atmosphere is certainly going to be a bit… weird. I live in an accepting geographic region, and around people who are very outspokenly trans supportive…. But most of whom are cishet and simply don’t have a lot of experience seeing or working around trans people. I’m more afraid of being seen as “trans first, biologist second” as far as my career is concerned, than I am about outright transphobia. I know this will never fully go away, and given that I’m 6’2”, I’ll probably never “fully” pass- but I’d at least like people to implicitly read my as femme on a gut level before I start changing how I present that way. One thing my irl femboy experience has shown me is that, even if people can “clock” you intellectually, the way their gut instinct reads you affects whether they treat you as masc or femme. I hope that makes sense on some level. Of course its always going to be an awkward shift, but I hope some time on HRT will make it less awkward.

I’ve come out to one person that doesn’t know about this online persona, or the depths of my queerness. They straight up told me they were shocked. They were incredibly supportive, but they told me they didn’t see it coming at all. And they already knew that I “crossdressed occasionally”. So that’s kinda what I’m working with here.

Essentially, I’m not actually truly “transitioning” in a real sense yet. More than that, I feel like I’m getting the ball rolling. If there’s anything I learned in my research, it’s that HRT takes a while, much longer than anyone expects (suppressing my rant about how the media cherrypicks people in early transition for trans representation and the effect that has on public perception). Two years is often cited as the “end” point, but based on both scientific and anecdotal accounts, that is wildly untrue and variable. I also know that the first changes onset quickly (skin and mood, most notably), but that overall body shape changes sometimes take a VERY long time to start and progress. So to be quite honest, I barely feel like I’m transitioning yet, I’m just laying groundwork for the future.

So yeah. I’m gonna be boymoding for a bit. Possibly a year or more. Even for the people who know, I’ve still asked them to address me as he/him or they/them, and use my masculine name for now (haven’t even really decided on a femme name yet, although I have ideas [open to suggestions as well]).

Wait, so why address it online at all?

Put simply, honesty. I’m displaying a lot of selfies and experimentation with my look here, and I want to make it abundantly clear what I’m doing to have an effect on that. People have asked me if I’m on HRT in comments before, and like, I’m not gonna lie about that. Might as well also make a shitpost, a data gathering post, and a too-long ramble about it as well (which you’re reading now!).

There are a LOT of body image issues in femboy spaces (and trans spaces too!), often among very young people. While I have no issue with people on HRT continuing to call themselves a femboy (more on that in a bit), I do think transparency on that matter is helpful for those body image issues.

So to make it abundantly clear: all of my selfies and pictures that I’m labeling and tagging as “femboy” are pre-HRT. In the future, everything I tag with “trans” is post-HRT. I still got 1-2 weeks before actually starting, and I’m still going to use the femboy tag for any outfits I post during that time. The moment an estradiol pill hits my mouth, though, new pics will use trans tags.

Posts that relate to discussion of the interplay of the communities, and how I view myself within them, I’ll tag with both.

Which leads to another follow up question. This one isn’t about me specifically, but it’s my hot take about a certain brand of trans discourse I’ve seen around (mostly on reddit tbh):

Why would someone who knows they’re mtf trans willingly call themselves a femboy and/or request people to “misgender” them?

So this is actually gonna be striking a nerve with me, and I know I’m gonna kinda be strawmanning here by arguing against the ghost of reddit comments past. I’m not gonna try to dig any of them up in the internet archive, but they are sentiments I’ve seen multiple times.

I’ve seen this question almost word for word in the comments of trans subreddits multiple times. Imma be blunt, and it’s maybe gonna sound a little mean. If this thought is going through your head, you’re likely way more sensitive and particular about labels than most people. And that’s okay! Ask people to address you how you want, you deserve that respect! But the real answer to this question is that many people simply don’t mind being called whatever label is most useful or familiar to themselves in various contexts.

The moment that it becomes completely unacceptable is when someone does actually change their pronouns, name, presentation, etc, and people still address them as “male” or “femboy”. That is completely the fuck out of line, and if you don’t agree, fuck off.

Why does this strike a little bit of a nerve with me? Well, the “conclusion” I saw reached in these trans spaces multiple times when the subject was brought up was annoying as hell. That conclusion was that the only or primary reason that people labeled themselves a femboy, even while on HRT… was to sell their onlyfans. My fucking god, seriously? This is just conservative rhetoric. Luckily, on tumblr, it seems that people are a lot more accepting towards people using whatever language they like to describe themselves, which I’ve enjoyed a lot.

I’ve also had a lot of hate towards “fencesitting” directed at me on reddit, from trans people, for calling myself a femboy. I can’t remember it verbatim, but I very distinctly recall getting a DM that went something like “I fucking hate femboys, just transition already. You’re making us (transfemmes) look bad.” So yeah. Bit of a sore spot.

Yadda yadda yadda the personal journey shit

If I can be real for a moment…. In an ideal world, I would still want to be a part time femboy. Even moreso than the sheer utility of it all (eg, enjoy cis male privilege when I want, but still get treated more femme in certain contexts), it feels almost more profound to fuck with gender norms without sitting on one side of the gender line or another. But I can’t really ignore what I’ve described as my “mental resting state”- a baseline crackle of dysphoria that fills the space in my head when there’s nothing else to fill it. It’s easily distracted, but its always there, and I can’t imagine living my life that way anymore.

I’ve pretty much known I was trans since I was about 12, and had a realization that puberty was just starting to hit me, and I hated it. I suppressed it deeply, for many, many reasons that I don’t think I want to share here. But it made a lot of other mental health struggles in my life a lot worse, even if I didn’t consciously acknowledge that’s what was happening. By the time I was willing to consciously acknowledge it, I realized that my dysphoria wasn’t so bad as to dive in right away. But, I made moves to stabilize my life overall, which have been massively beneficial to me in other ways as well.

During the pandemic, I found myself living alone for the first time ever. So during the pandemic, in one last ditch effort to try to convince myself I wasn’t trans, I delved into femboy aesthetics to try and “just be a feminine man”.

That failed.

So yeah, here I am. I have a wonderful queer community both irl and online, a meagre but stable income, health insurance that has great coverage for trans care, and accepting people around me in my life. It’s long overdue. Maybe I’ll beat myself up for waiting so long and masculinizing so much as a result, but I don’t think I really could have done it any other way.

This all said, I don’t actually really consider myself a woman yet. I’m sure many of you are aware of two different ways transfemmes view themselves(and trans people in general, but using a transfemme perspective here):

-Some view themselves as having always been girls or women, but took some time to realize it and make their body more comfortable for themselves with that information.

-Others view themselves as boys or men who made efforts to become women later.

I fall strongly in the second line of thinking for myself. For my own personal experiences, even though I have felt dysphoria for a long time, I don’t really think I’m “actually” a woman yet. I don’t know what my identity as a woman looks like yet. But I deeply want to discover and create who that person is, and there’s no way to do that without transitioning.

B but… BASIC BIOLOGY!!!!!

How many biology degrees do you have? I got a BS and an MS, and I’m working on my PhD. I’m sure you’ve brought a similar level of expertise to this discussion.

But seriously, I could genuinely write an entire fucking essay about how studying biology has influenced my views on this subject, but honestly, that’s an entirely different topic. But tl;dr is that bioessentialism is brainrot, and if someone tries to use essentialist language to “justify” someone’s transness (or gender in general)… well, I think they’re wrong. Plain and simple. We don’t say someone isn’t “really able to see” if they put glasses in front of their eyes.

I’m stopping myself before I write more here, because this warrants another post or even a fucking video essay, to be quite honest. But yeah. Biology based.

Conclusion?

Uhhhh… in conclusion, I’m not particular about language or pronouns you use for me, I’m making posts about it anyways to ensure honesty associated with my selfies, if you’re transphobic jump of the tallest bridge you can find. I think that about covers it.

[peachycrime]

Neytiri and Spider

let’s talk about it, ik y’all gon eat this up @be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie @spicymiilk

To start, Neytiri has lost so so much, her home, her father, Tsu'tey, Seze and now her eldest son. The child that made her a mother. With all of these losses all sense of safety and trust has disappeared from in her short life. It's unreasonable to expect her to ever get one these things, she has grief that no one could ever understand. Except Moat. I don't think it's realistic for her to just love him despite everything, I don’t think she doesn't have enough room left in her heart and that's okay. She’s lost so much, and was undeniably betrayed by Jake, her mate for life. She really doesn't owe anyone anything. She does however owe respect to an innocent teenager, who's also given up a lot for her and her family.

Her being wary and scared of him isn’t the odd part. The odd part is that even after years of having known this kid, watching him grow into the kind, funny, sarcastic and empathetic young man he is, she still never saw past day one. From day ones he’s been the ‘demons spawn’ nothing more and nothing less, even with the best intentions in heart, she only ever saw a ticking time bomb wrapped in a pretty package that everyone seemed to love.

You’d think that after 16 years she’s maybe start to free herself from all the hate, at least stop targeting it at him but she doesn’t. You can’t blame her for not letting her guard down, but you can’t deny that’s it cruel to hold a child to such standards. I personally find it very conflicting😭

Now Spider, a kid who's been handed the worst hand in the world. The only human child within light years of Pandora, even if some scientist had kids after a while he was still the first and grew up mostly alone. No mother to sing him to sleep and read him stories about earth. No father to comfort him and tease him about small things. On top of that his actual parents were shitty people anyways, Quaritch is Quaritch and Paz was insane enough to sleep with that demented marine. So not only is he an orphan but his parents are people that any person in their right mind would hate. But a child is not just a reflection of its’ parents.

A child also reflects the environment they brought up in as well as the people who raised him aka the lab guys/McCoskers and Na'vi.

The only thing I really resent Neytiri for is for never giving him a chance, she never saw past his parentage which is so unfair I can't even begin. But for her the whole situation is unfair too, someone can only open their heart so much after it being broken so many times.

Jake disappoints me the most tbh. As a former human, how can he not see the utter hypocrisy of the whole situation? I don’t care that Neytiri would’ve been mad, after killing the kids dad you’d think he’d take more accountability? Not only that but leaving him in the hands of the RDA, didn’t even try to shoot the t’exilas down as they watched him get taken. The kids were the ones to actually bring him up after they kidnapped him right under their freaking nose.

Bro went through torture and never gave any information up. The only reason they ever found the Sully's is because Max & Norm used that stupid helicopter. The fact that Quaritch was literally the only adult who had the sense to help him is insane.

Then Neytiri has her son for a son moment.

I don't blame her for that. She did what she had to do to save her daughter as a mother should and it worked. It's just sad that all he amounted to was a bargaining chip. The reason he got caught in the first place was because he was constantly keeping Kiri in check and making sure she was in his line of sight and and to make sure she was keeping up. That backfired ofc because when they dropped the bomb(thing) he was too close to the blow and fell.

So for me I just hope that she can come to accept him as an individual. Not as a son cuz that's way too drastic but as someone worthy of her family, loyalty and maybe- her affection. That'll take a lot of self work but I'm sure one of these days she'll find it in her to do so because at heart, she’s a shy, stubborn, but also very kind person and even if she doesn’t naturally feel empathy for humans, U don’t think it’s impossible.

I love Neytiri and I hope she gets all the happiness she deserves after everything she's been through.

Put some respect on my girls name bro. She’s fought for her, her family and her people time and time again and never gave up. She’s also just genuinely a good mother and I love the woman she grown into, I just wish she was happier. I also love Spider and I just hope he gets accepted for who is, a kind, empathetic snarky and sarcastic little tree climber who just does his best.

This is my personal opinion so don't be rude please.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Is it okay that we've never known the real count of our head mates? We have very heavy barriers between us + aphantasia and as a result even though I'm always in front (idk why? I've just never ever been able to leave the front, I'm not always in control though, when I'm in front and not in control t feels like I'm watching the body from above) and sometimes I'm aware that someone is in front with us, I still am not aware of how many of us there are or what most of them do. There have been many times where I can look back and say ohh someone else was in front w/ me and that's why we behaved that way but I cant easily identify anyone at all especially when I don't even rlly know what makes me "me"? All of us refer to the body as "I" frequently but it's more like different versions of the same person with different likes/dislikes sometimes and things like that, and I have some of that stuff in my notebooks but I can just never actually talk to them much at all and have no idea how many of us exist

hey, this is totally fine and tbh we feel like this is a normal experience for many systems, especially those who are newly discovered or still trying to make sense of their plurality. it took us over 2 years to get more or less of an accurate headcount of how many alters we have, and that was with a ton of work internally and pretty intensive therapy every week. and tbh there are probably even more alters that us in the main fronting group don’t know about… it comes with the territory of having dissociation issues.

it’s okay to not know how many headmates are in your system. maybe that answer will come with time and effort, or maybe not, but we think what’s more important is showing respect, kindness, and acceptance to the headmates that you do meet.

if you’re not already, you may find it useful to start using the simplyplural app to keep track of the headmates you know about. you can leave notes in some conspicuous place to urge the other members of your system to use it too. that way, y’all can collaborate to start building a database of your headmates so you can at least start trying to get a better idea of how many members your system has. of course, you could alternatively start keeping track of this information in a notebook or document. hopefully, with time and patience, you’ll be able to get a better idea of the size and scope of your system.

we hope this helps… we know trying to learn how many members are in your system can be a daunting task, especially if you have strong dissociative barriers between headmates. but we’re wishing you the best of luck with figuring this out! rest assured, your experience is pretty common, especially for those of us who struggle with heavy dissociative barriers between members.

[heauxkyu]

97 sprace, please. ☺️

Thanks for asking! I promised myself I would make this one shorter than my first sprace prompt, but I have no self control oops. I was also gonna try a modern au but I love my period-typical newsies and no one can stop me from writing historically inaccurate gay shit ((Also their accents are written atrociously I’m so sorry)) Hope you like it :)

97. “You’re so cute when you pout like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Guess what?”

An excited voice shouted right into Spot’s ear just as he was about to doze off, his feet propped up on a rotting wooden crate and his back leaning against a slanted metal rod, one of the hundreds upon hundreds providing support to the Brooklyn bridge.

Surrounded by mucky water, abandoned fishing nets, empty cargo bins, and scattered broken bottles, Spot’s throne was far less than impressive. However, it was still his place, his perch, the location where any newsie could most likely find him on a laid-back afternoon. Although, most of the Brooklyn newsies knew better than to interrupt the King when he was relaxing after selling, meaning the abrasive voice that woke Spot out of his peaceful daydream didn’t belong to one of his boys.

Tipping his hat away from his eyes, he glared up at Racetrack Higgins, rolling his eyes as he watched the Manhattan newsie bounce on the balls of his feet, holding his hands behind his back, waiting for Spot to respond to his initial question.

“The hell do you want?” Spot grumbled, settling back against his pole and crossing his arms over his chest, doing his best to appear unalarmed. Truth be told, Race had been the last person he expected to see. While Race had made an annoying habit of visiting Spot whenever he had the chance, it was usually at night after he was done selling for the day, when he knew Spot was alone and could let his guard down. Race would either challenge him to a quick game of cards or he would simply ramble on about the events of the day, seemingly happy about simply being able to talk with the other boy when he wasn’t so worried about his status. However, it was still early in the afternoon, and there was no way Race was done selling his papers; Spot knew he took breaks between to bet on the races constantly occurring at Sheepshead, meaning it took him twice as long to sell his papes on a busy day.

“You have to guess!” Race responded, the same excited shrill still accompanying his voice. Spot scowled.

“What if I don’t care?” He yawned, moving his hand up to tip his hat back over his eyes. “Go away.”

Race, completely used to Spot’s sarcasm and nonchalance, simply reached forward and tipped Spot’s hat back up so he could look at him again. Grinning, he still held one hand behind his back and tried again.

“Spot, c’mon! You’ll never guess what just happened to me!”

“Well, clearly you wasn’t just taught how to leave a guy alone.” Spot growled, sitting up and adjusting his hat on his head once more. “That’d be a damn miracle.” He attempted to crane his neck to see what Race was hiding, but Race turned further away, still maintaining his stupid, cocky grin.

“Christ,” the younger boy mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “How am I supposed to know what happened? Did ya find another dead frog?”

Race giggled as he thought back to the time he had indeed found a dead frog and thought it would be hilarious to put it in Spot’s discarded hat as they played cards one night. When Spot had put his hat back on and felt the frog carcass tumble down the back of his shirt, he had let out the highest pitch scream that Race had ever heard. To this day, he denies that the noise ever happened, but Race still wheezes with laughter every time the event is brought up.  

“No, but you’s got a nasty attitude that makes me wish I had a dead frog to fling at ya.” Race said, side stepping Spot again as the other boy tried to peer behind his back another time.

“Damnit, Race. I know you ain’t even finished sellin’ your papes. Either get outta here or tell me what you got.” Spot snapped, losing patience by the second. He tolerated Race and his antics to a point, but now that his nap had been interrupted, he was like a small toddler, ready to break at any second.

Race pursed his lips, bouncing on his feet again, waiting a little longer just to watch Spot suffer before he blurted out “I WON!”

Spot barely had time to raise an eyebrow at the boy in front of him before a small pouch was hitting him in the face. He jumped back slightly before looking down at the bag that had now fallen in his lap. “You… won?” He asked, clearly lost.

“At Sheepshead, you moron!” Race cried, picking up the bag from Spot’s lap and waving it in his face. Spot could hear the money rolling around inside, and the words finally started clicking in his mind. Race, to his knowledge, had never won a single bet he placed at Sheepshead, for he was always the victim of bad tips and, frankly, shitty luck.

“No way.” Spot gasped, his eyes widening. “You’re kiddin’.”

“Look at it, Spot!” Race cried again, opening the bag and digging in to pull out the coins. “I’m rich!” He shoved the money in Spot’s face, near hysterical laughter coming from his mouth. “I’s just over at Sheepshead doin’ my sellin’, right? And the next race is happenin’ real soon and I just hadta go see it, but I got no idea who to bet on. So then,” He paused to take a giant breath before continuing, “So then, these two guys is passin’ me by and they whisperin’ real low about the horse they’s bettin’ on. I followed behind ‘em and they said Ol’ Sweets was the winner. She ain’t ever won before but I bet on her anyway. And she won today and I won! I won! Four whole dollars!”

He was practically dancing in front of Spot, clenching his fist around the money and spinning around like a fool. Spot sat stunned in front of him. For any newsie, four dollars was a lot of money to have sitting in their pockets, and Race was the last person he expected to win something like that. If he was being honest, he felt rather proud, barely able to keep a smile off of his face as Race celebrated in front of him. However, he was slightly confused as to why Race stopped in the middle of his day to tell him of all people.

“Why are you tellin’ me this?” He asked, reaching out to grab Race’s arms to steady him. Race’s smile faltered only slightly as he put the money back in the tiny bag and shrugged.

“Why not? I was excited. You’s my only friend over here.”

Spot tried to ignore the the way his heartbeat picked up at that statement.

“And,” Race continued, his smile returning, “I felt like I owed ya a bit. For, you know, always lettin’ me on your turf.”

Spot perked up at this. “Owed me?” He repeated dumbly, sitting back down on his crate, one knee up with his elbow resting on it. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Race said, digging back into the bag to pull out half of his winnings. “Here.” He held out his hand, the money shining in the sun, and looked at Spot pointedly. “Take it.”

Spot, for once in his life, was completely lost for words, staring at the hand in front of him. He made no move to accept the money. Instead, he looked up at Race and said “You bein’ serious right now?”

Race nodded earnestly, moving his hand closer to Spot. “Yeah. I figured since, you know, I come over here all the time. And you always talk to me… And you’s my friend.”

Spot had to try extremely hard to pretend that Race’s words weren’t making him feel a load of feelings that he had tried to repress a long time ago. Gulping, he took a shaky breath and stood up, reaching forward to close Race’s fingers around the money. “I can’t take this.” He said softly, keeping his hand closed around Race’s fist, just to take advantage of the contact.

Race blinked. “What?”

“I’m not takin’ your money.” Spot repeated, finally pushing Race’s fist away. “You won it.”

“Yeah, so?” Race sounded offended, his smile now gone, replaced with a look of confusion. “I won it, it’s my money, and I wanna give it to you.”

“No.” Spot said again, firmer this time. “You don’t need’ta give me anything. Lettin’ you in here is just good for business between me n’ Manhattan. You don’t— You don’t owe me.”

Admittedly, the amount Race was attempting to give him wasn’t huge, and Spot would likely blow through it in a heartbeat buying candy for some of his younger boys that could use something to cheer them up. However, it was the gesture that meant the most. Race spent half of his time over at Sheepshead trying to win and when he finally did, he brought it over to Spot. His friend.

Spot scoffed in his head. Race’s friend. Maybe he didn’t want to be Race’s friend. Maybe he wanted something he couldn’t have.

Race seemed lost for words as he looked down at the money in his hands. He snorted and shook his head, eventually dropping the coins back into the pouch and pocketing it. “Well, this was a big ol’ waste of time.” He mumbled, his crestfallen face making Spot’s heart wrench. An awkward silence passed between the two boys, and Spot was seriously considering taking the money that Race had worked so hard for, just to see him smile, but his pride overpowered his common sense.

“Um,” Race finally broke the silence with his disappointed tone, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking pointedly away from Spot. “I’ll uh, I guess I’ll see ya around.”

He paused for a moment, glancing back at Spot, evidently waiting for him to say something profound and amazing, preferably along the lines of “Don’t go, Race!” or “I’d love to take the money and buy you dinner, Race!” but he knew that would never come. When Spot said nothing and instead turned his eyes down in embarrassment, Race turned on his heel and trudged off, his bag of unsold papes swinging pathetically behind him.

…

The next day, Race seriously considered avoiding Brooklyn all together, his mind unable to focus on anything but the rejection he faced the day before. Frustration built up inside of him as he got ready to start the day. It’s not like he asked Spot to marry him or anything, so why did it feel like Spot had taken his feelings like, stuffed them in a tiny box, and crushed the box?

After successfully avoiding any questioning from Davey, who had become this annoying older brother-weird uncle-figure to most of the Manhattan newsies, Race decided he didn’t want to be stared at suspiciously for his fowl mood all day and began the trek across the bridge. If he ran into Spot, he would just ignore him. He could do that. He had SOME self control after all.

‘If Spot talks to me, just ignore him. If Spot talks to me, just ignore him’ Race repeated over and over again in his head as he got closer and closer to the end of the bridge, his mood mirroring the dark clouds already beginning to cover the clouds.

‘If Spot talks to me, just ignore him.’

‘If Spot talks to me, just ignore him.

‘If Spot talks to me, just ignore him.

‘If Spot talks to me, just—‘

“Race!”

“Huh? Oh, hi, Spot.”

Shit.

Race bit his lip and scolded himself for breaking the only rule he had come up with on the way over just because he was distracted. Spot was standing right in front of him, slightly off balance, chest heaving, and hat missing, clearly having run over to Race as soon as he had seen him on the bridge. Race felt a pang of satisfaction as he noticed Spot flushed and struggling to catch his breath. It was very unlike him to run after anyone, meaning Race, if anything, was at least slightly important to the younger boy.

“Race, I” Spot panted, straightening up and running a hand through his hair, “I didn’t think you were, uh, gonna come… here… um, today.” He stuttered like a nervous child, suddenly remembering that he had made no plan of what he was going to say to Race once he saw him.

Race raised an eyebrow at him, deciding it was probably best to break his ‘don’t speak to Spot’ rule. “And?” He asked, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

Spot opened his mouth, but no words came out. Race rolled his eyes and pushed past him, planning to lose him in the crowd of people going about their days and get to his selling point as soon as possible.

“Race, wait!” Spot called after him, jogging slightly to keep the other boy in his sight.

“No.” Race called back. “I’m gonna go win more money and NOT give it to you.”

He knew the response was childish at best, but his feelings were hurt and he knew Spot probably didn’t care, but he was still going to make it known.

Spot finally caught up to Race after spitting a few vulgar words at a man who simply wouldn’t move, and caught him by the wrist. Race huffed and turned around, wrenching it out of the other boy’s grip.

“Leave me alone.”

“No,” Spot said, looking around at the people surrounding them on the streets in frustration. He definitely didn’t want an audience for this. Glancing around quickly, he spotted a store with no customers milling around the front, meaning the back would be even more desolate. Picking up Race’s wrist again, he yanked him over to behind the weathered brick building and pushed him up against the wall.

Race fought against him, albeit half-heartedly, letting himself be pressed against the wall, but refusing to wipe the scowl from his face. “Go away, Spot.” He spat, knowing he was taking a great risk denying Spot what he wanted, especially as Spot could have him beat to the ground in a matter of seconds.

“Just hold still for a second!” Spot snapped, pinning Race’s shoulders in place. “I’m tryin’ to apologize!”  

“Oh, wow!” Race cried, sarcasm evident in his tone. “Spot Conlon wants to apologize to me? How lucky am I?”

Spot glared at him. “I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt your feelings.”

The statement was surprisingly honest and was enough to have Race’s mouth snap shut. He stared at Spot with a blank expression on his face, allowing the other to continue hesitantly.

“You just… offered me the money that you worked for and I ain’t no bum who needs your charity.” Spot continued, making sure to still maintain an ounce of his dignity within the apology. “Plus, you earned it. It’s yours. I wasn’t tryin’ to make you feel… I dunno, bad, or whatever.”

Race chewed on his tongue for a moment, taking in the very Spot-like apology. The younger boy’s hands were still gripping his shoulders, and he was much closer than Race was used to, but he was not going to let himself be distracted.

“You was a jerk.” He declared, his hands gripping the strap of his bag full of papes. “I wasn’t tryin’ to give you charity. I was tryin’…” He paused. What had he been trying to do? Win Spot’s affection? He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and thought for a second before finishing with “I was tryin’ to make us even. You let me sell in Brooklyn at no price.”

“The reward is that I gets Manhattan on my side if we’s ever got a problem. It’s a business negotiation.” Spot responded coolly, still not moving any farther from Race. “You’s gettin’ all soft on me.”

“I ain’t gettin’ soft!” Race argued, frowning deeply. Spot only laughed. Race continued frowning as the other boy threw his head back. “It ain’t that funny.

“You IS gettin’ soft, Higgins, don’t deny it. Comin’ over here to give ol’ Spotty a gift yesterday and all.” Spot teased, finally dropping his hands from Race’s shoulders. His apology was turning into the perfect opportunity to poke fun at the other boy. 

“Shut up!” Race whined. “I was tryin’ to be a good person, somethin’ you wouldn’t understand.”

Spot only laughed more, finally stopping to look at Race in a way that made his cheeks flush. The affection in Spot’s face was unmissable, and Race wasn’t prepared for the way his heartbeat seemed to amplify in his ears and his hands began to sweat. In order to save himself some embarrassment, he huffed and turned his head to the side, staring pointedly down toward the other end of the street. He expected the altercation to be done at that, but then Spot spoke again.

“You’re so cute when you pout like that.”

Race was pretty sure he was having a heart attack. His head whipped around and he stared at Spot incredulously. “Excuse me?”

Spot didn’t falter. “When you do that pout thing. It’s cute.”

Race thought his knees might give out. “I ain’t cute.”

“You are.” Spot argued. Race felt like his skin was on fire and he fought with all of his might to keep a smile from appearing on his face. He wondered how many times he could get Spot to admit that he thought he was cute before he passed out.

“I ain’t cute and you’s being a jerk.” He retorted, pushing himself off the wall only to be pushed back by Spot, who was now hovering over him.

“Says the one who tried to give me money.”

“I was tryin’ to make us even!” Race cried, attempting to ignore the way Spot’s hands were gripping his hips and his breath was hitting Race’s cheek. “I thought it was a nice thing to do.”

“It was nice, but…” Spot whispered, pressing Race further into the wall, if possible. The other boy raised his eyebrows, his heart beating so loud he thought Spot might just be able to hear it. He almost didn’t want Spot to finish his sentence, for fear that he might vomit and ruin the strange, yet amazing moment the two were sharing. However, Spot finished it anyway by saying “You could’ve paid me in a different way.”

Race felt as if he had been slapped in the face, his whole body heating up at Spot’s words and his heart basically throwing itself out of his ribcage and climbing up into his throat. He wanted to cry and scream at the same time; he was unable to believe that Spot was actually here, pinning him against a wall, suggesting that they do things Race had only ever dreamt about.

“You want me to pay you?” He repeated Spot’s words carefully, a mischievous grin appearing on his face. “But… how?”

He knew exactly how, but he wanted to hear Spot say it. He wanted the satisfaction of knowing that Spot thought about him in the way that Race did. He wanted to know that Spot spent countless hours analyzing their every interaction, that he daydreamed about Race, that he dealt with endless days of inner turmoil over having feelings for someone he thought he could never have.

Spot grinned back at him, his hands squeezing Race’s hips, pressing his own body ever closer so that they were aligned from chest to toe. He waited a painstakingly long time to answer Race, watching how the blush rose on his cheek’s, how his dark eyes sparkled, even when it was cloudy, and how he kept wetting his lips with his tongue and oh god his lips.

“Kiss me.”

Race wasted no time at all. He shot forward and closed the gap between them, melting into Spot’s touch as soon as he felt the warmth of his mouth. Spot responded eagerly, moving a hand from Race’s waist to behind his neck, tilting his head and deepening the kiss. Race’s hands moved from the strap of his bag to the front of Spot’s shirt, grabbing fistfuls of fabric to pull him closer and to steady himself so that he didn’t collapse onto the ground and dissolve into a puddle of emotion. They kissed each other as if they had something to prove, Spot biting at Race’s lower lip before running his tongue along it, making the boy pinned to the wall moan softly. Race’s hands were everywhere from Spot’s shirt, to his hair, to his back, desperate to show the other boy how much he wanted this.

When they finally broke apart, they took each other in, Race laughing at the spit visible on Spot’s chin. “Gross.” He giggled, making Spot roll his eyes and wipe his mouth with his sleeve. A very romantic gesture, in Race’s opinion.

“Shut up.” Spot mumbled, the hand still placed behind Race’s neck running up to card through his hair, knocking his hat off. “You should stay in Brooklyn.”

Race laughed. “Forever?”

“I meant tonight.” Spot answered seriously, pressing another quick kiss to Race’s lips. “Just for the night. Then we’ll be even”

Race smiled at him.

“I think I can make that work.”

~~~~~~~~~~

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[rayofsunas]

pretending you’re not his s/o. [1]

A/n: happy Thursday!! whew, the week is almost over thank goodness. I hope you’re all doing well and thank you for being patient while I knock out these requests <333 Scaramouche’s is long for obvious reasons (I simp) ALSO thank you for 800 followers, I hit that milestone yesterday ahagdwcsh omg I’m growing so much wtf. thank you all :) <33 

Summary: the boys having to pretend their s/o is their secretary, maid, friend, etc. (someone other than their s/o)

Parings: Childe/Reader, Venti/Reader, Kaeya/Reader, Diluc/Reader, Albedo/Reader, Aether/Reader, Xiao/Reader, Chongyun/Reader, Xingqiu/Reader, Scaramouche/Reader, Razor/Reader, Bennett/Reader, Zhongli (fem and gn mixed)

Warnings: violence tbh (in Scara’s especially chile), swearing, crack, angst?, fluff

Word count: 1.7k

Requested by bestie @mintydump​ 

Refuses (tells people you’re his s/o and compromises the mission)

Childe: for some odd reason, he was sent out by the Tsaritsa to retrieve a man who was impersonating one of the eleven harbingers and you were to go along. she said men were much more willing to follow along, if there was a beautiful woman promising affection, etc. the only problem was, to win over the impersonator, you had to pretend to be Childe’s co-worker. he hated this idea, and the minute he left, he reassured you he would not call you his partner unless it was romantically. so hell yeah, he’ll compromise the mission and will return without the impersonator. he does not care, you’re not his co-worker. he’ll just be like, “sorry, next time send me alone.”

Venti: jean why... ofc you'd be great company duh, but why did you need to be his babysitter on this expedition?!? sure, Venti may look like a child, but this was stupid! he’s loose-lipped anyways, so he’ll accidentally let it slip to whoever that you’re not his babysitter and that you’re his s/o. he’ll be like, “oops.” with the biggest shit-eating grin. he doesn’t care though, you’re not his babysitter grrr. 

Razor: he also accidentally lets it slip you’re his s/o. hunters were after him and his friends, you included (you’re human, he considers you family though, therefore wolf) and he just yells, “don’t touch my mate, GRRR” before ya know, ending them lmao. it never crossed his mind that maybe it wasn’t in his/your best interest to say what you were to him. other hunters could be nearby listening and then target you at a later date. but, tbh he will worry about that another day. as long as you’re safe now, he’ll always be there to protect you. 

Refuses (he doesn’t refuse the mission, but he refuses calling you someone other than his s/o/he won’t say if you’re his s/o or not.) 

Kaeya: he definitely won’t be calling you anything other than his s/o but he also won’t offer this mission to anyone else. he’s more than capable and he can do this without you having to be in danger too. if someone asks who you are, he’ll just cooly respond with, “none of your business.” and move on. he’ll use that whenever someone asks who you are. even if someone gets a little pushy, he won’t use anything to clue them of your relationship.

Xingqiu: he was supposed to borrow steal a book from someone. he needed it for personal purposes lol; it would be great for his collection. and from his understanding, the person who has it wasn’t using it. though you were confused on why he needed to break into somewhere to retrieve it. you just happened to be with him when he broke in, he says it was an accident that you were there, but tbh it’s all part of the thrill and his mischievousness. despite Chongyun warning him that he shouldn’t have brought you, he still did. and when the person who owns the book whips out a sword and then asks why you were brought along if you seemed timid and unreluctant to steal, Xingqiu’s response is, “well she’s my girlfriend! duh.” cue deadpan. legit no hesitation.

Scaramouche: this mission is happening no matter what. the Tsaritsa’s life is on the line; highly trained assassins from all over Teyvat were sent into Snezhnayan territory to kill her. she could protect herself, but Scaramouche was feeling feverish for battle; he was one of the more unhinged and dangerous harbingers, she entrusted this task upon him. he never turned down a mission. plus, it’s your fault you’re even here. why are you here again!? he left you home in Inazuma days ago. also... who the hell was looking after your daughter if not you...?? when you caught up with him once he was well away from Liyue Harbor’s docks (so he couldn’t force you to get back onto the ship, smart) you told him you weren’t some housewife and you missed the thrill of adventure, so you snuck on the ship too. he wasn’t sure how you got on in the first place without alerting The Kanjobugyo (you’ve snuck out before, so he’s told them not to let you leave, though he assumed you used your former title of a Fatui to gain clearance) let’s just say he’s not happy you’re here, but he’s not turning back now, he’s determined to end this. in the end, he kills all the assassins (ofc). on your way back to Liyue Harbor, arguing about why you’re here (you’re losing), another assassin comes out of the shadows; intent on killing the both of you. he’d managed to grab the end of your hair in his fist and was going to slit your throat. Scaramouche will say, “don’t touch my wife, you insolent scum.” he doesn’t have a problem telling those who have a death wish of your intimate relationship, because they’ll die in the end anyway; therefore to him, it’d be like they never knew. 

Zhongli: not many people know you’re his s/o anyways, so if he has something to do, especially dangerous you’re not coming along. he’ll make sure of that. on missions or something, he refuses to call you anything other than his s/o, but if he can’t/wants to keep it private he’ll call you by your name. if you’re facing off against someone, he’ll be like, “y/n, please watch out, I’ll handle this.” he never wants to put you in danger, and tbh even someone threatening who knows your name is a risk, but if they ever found out that you were not only his s/o but the s/o of an Archon? yeah, you’d be on a hit list just like him. 

Accepts (he will do this and won’t ask any questions)

Diluc: sorry y’all, but once this is discussed in full and you agree, he’s going to accept it. this mission is important. it’s not often people travel into Inazuma, so he was very lucky his wine is sold there and that he has a popular, well-known name. shipments of his wine weren’t making it into the borders and he was to find the culprit behind it; someone was stealing obviously. you were to go along with a few other soldiers and when jean told him it would be safer to call you his maid and not his fiancé, he agreed. you wouldn’t be a target that way. if anyone wonders why he took his maid, he’ll just say, “she’s to travel everywhere with me.” don’t worry, after the missions over he’ll reassure you he doesn’t think of you as his maid, definitely not. he’ll apologize profusely. “please don’t think of yourself that way, you’re not my maid, I adore you very much, sweetheart.”

Xiao: he already doesn’t go around calling you his wife or telling just anyone, only the Archons know and the fallen Yaksha once knew (you’re one of the female Yaksha) so being talked into this wasn’t a big deal at all. before, he didn’t run around Liyue telling people about your relationship because you both enjoyed the privacy. but now, having to call you his fellow Yaksha who’s been working alongside him for centuries, kinda feels like he’s ignoring or not acknowledging you. sure, you do hold the same titles (Yaksha) and yes you’ve known eachother for centuries, but really, you’ve been together for centuries. if you’re not bothered, then he doesn’t mind. but if you are? he’s very apologetic and will repay you in some way. “you’re not a weakling, you have no reason to worry.” he needs to do this task, he’ll never turn away from the people and if you have to be known as your Yaksha title to him and others, so be it. 

Chongyun: it’s not that he doesn’t want to call you his s/o. it’s just he’s a quiet guy and never has told anyone about your relationship; only Xingqiu knows. so he has no problem introducing you as his friend to absolute strangers, especially if you’re okay with it. if you’re not and tell him, he’ll be sure to never call you a friend again. he’s really looking out for your safety, people can be two-faced as he’s learned from Xingqiu’s fantasy books. he wants to protect and keep you safe, and if you need to be addressed as his friends a few times then that’s how it’s going to go. 

Accepts (he’ll accept but he has so many questions on why and hates it)

Albedo: he will accept if there’s a logical reason. for example, if you absolutely need to come because you’re his assistant or something and can offer your expertise, he will accept. but if you have no need? you’re not coming, please stay home. the whole time, he hates this. yes, you’re his assistant irl, but you’re his s/o, not just an assistant. it makes him sick that he has to call you that tbh, even if it’s your occupation. but it’s necessary for a lot of reasons you two have already discussed. after the mission is complete, he’s never going to stop apologizing. “love, please do not take what I said to heart, you’re not just an assistant.”

Aether: he has to be talked into this a lot. once kaeya and jean tell him the seriousness and importance of seeing his sister again, especially after all they’ve discovered about her, he’ll agree. no matter how much he hates calling you his travel partner, he has to. his sister has turned to the dark side for whatever reason and this meeting already is risky enough. if she finds out you’re his girlfriend, who knows how she’ll react; she’s very unpredictable now, a little unhinged even. but it does hurt to have to call you that, let’s be real. he never wants to say or hear that ever again.

Bennett: he knows he’s quite unfortunate, so you going with him on expeditions is just stupid and you could face something awful due to his bad luck. you go either way though, what a good s/o :) he almost slips a few times, especially facing off against a few lowlife Fatui. but then you remind him of the dangers of doing that and you’re immediately just a friend/member of Benny's Adventure Team. pls, he hates this so much, like why can’t he call you what you are?!? he’s constantly like, “well why can’t I just say you’re my s/o already? they won’t harm you as long as I’m here!” ?!?!?!? HE JUST DID?!?!?!?!

2.25.21, rayofsunas 

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 here!

A/N: I already know some of y’all are going to be mad, it’s 2020 and twilight needs some diversity, don’t @ me.

* You’re not really sure how you got here

* “This ones done”

* Edward holds out the blood bag to you, carefully pulling out the needles from you beloved Deer, Hayden.

* “Ah, thank you.” You place it carefully along with the others, before lavishing Hayden with affection

* “You were so good today! You’re going to get extra carrots, yes you are!”

* You’re aware of Edwards gaze on you as he disinfects the injection point.

* “You know it’s illegal to have Deer as pets in Alaska don’t you?” The corner of his mouth is quirked in the smallest smirk you have ever seen, and you roll your eyes

* “Tanya got a permit, the official stance is they’re her deer, I just take care of them for some extra pocket money”

* Not that anyone would venture into the “siren house” to ask questions

* You knew people were probably wary of coming up to the estate, even the mail man looked dead scared when he left Irina’s Lululemon packages in the mailbox

* But you didn’t think the locals legit called the manse “The Siren House”

* Edward told you they used to call it “The Witch House” but then, upon seeing the Denali sisters, changed it to Siren

* Edward doesn’t say anything, just moves to take the filled blood bags up to the house

* Ever the gentleman

* You really thought Edward would show up once, figure out he couldn’t read your mind, and retreat into his own moody silence.

* You figured you would mostly be dealing with Carlisle, who would teach you how to draw blood from your heard of deers, and then you would be on your own.

* But instead it was Edward who volunteered to do it for you, Carlisle was busy with his day job after all.

* He shows up once a week, usually after school, and carefully extracts the blood

* Then he puts them inside the fridge and leaves

* You really don’t get what’s going on, if he hates you so much why even bother coming over in the first place

* You’re about to fall into your usual rhythm of handing him the blood bags, which he then puts in the fridge when he breaks your routine

* “Why-“ your head pops up from the small pile of blood bags and to him. He’s looking away, but then his gaze meets yours. “Why go through all this trouble for a few deer.”

* You grin and hand him a blood bag

* “Another vampire might say the same thing to you, why go through all the trouble for a few humans?”

* He flinches, and you laugh. He’s so unaware of himself it’s actually funny

* “For the record, I do it because they remind me of my (Dog/Cat/Pet).” He quirks an eyebrow at that.

* “Your pet?”

* You nod. You’re number one concern on arrival here had been whether your dog was okay, but sifting through your memories of this life, you realized your dog had passed away in the middle of high school.

* “When I look into their face, all I can think about is my dog” you shrug, it’s the same with bears and other animals too.

* “Also, it’s kinda disgusting to drink that blood straight out of the animal.”

* Draining the blood must have deducted something from the taste, you can’t imagine what that skunky revolting flavor would have been like if you were drinking straight from the animal.

* Edward laughs. It’s the first time he’s laughed around you, pearly white canines in full view, the skin at the corner of his eyes folds

* It’s cute, very boyish. You get what Bella was talking about now

* “You get used to it after a while” he shrugs

* You shake your head, no one should ever have to drink that crap

* “Here, try some of my blood” you say it like you’re offering him some cookies you made. You pick up one of the bags, still warm, and he quirks an eyebrow

* This isn’t the first time you’ve offered, usually he declines and rushes to leave

* One time it looked like he might say yes, but then he noticed Tanya and excused himself.

* He accepts the bag, holding it up with one hand

* “Do you pour it in a mug?”

* And so you and Edward sip your blood-Capri-suns in the kitchen that’s only now started to be used

* You sit in the counter cross legged, while he leans against the adjacent counter. Both of you silently sipping your meals.

* “This is really good” he finally says, his blood bag almost empty.

* “Who’d you have? I’ve been trying to add different veggies to their meal to see if it brings out a different flavour profile.”

* He had Henrietta, who you had been giving more citrus too. Partially for flavour, and partially because she’s your favourite

* “It kind of tastes like...fruit punch” Edward recalls after a prolonged minute.

* He seems so nostalgic, you wonder how long it’s been since he’s had human food

* “I think genetics have something to do with the flavour too, the breed from this region all seem to have a fruity aftertaste”

* “I’m partial to deer since they don’t have a strong game taste aftertaste.”

* “Yes! That part is the worst, it’s like eating a skunk” You scowl and he laughs again.

* You know he doesn’t belong to you, he’s Bella’s, in a few years she’ll be all he thinks or cares about.

* But maybe the two of you can be friends until then.

* All at once the moments broken, Edward stands a bit straighter, the smile on his face gone.

* You turn to look behind you to see Carmen.

* Her head is tilted to the side, a smile tugging on her lips

* “You both look like you’re having fun.”

* After that the conversation is pleasant, but it definitely stutters until Edward eventually leaves.

* “I think he likes you” You’re reading a book by the fire, the gentle heat is nice and it sets the mood.

* “What?”

* Carmen’s grinning

* “The Cullen boy is interested in you.”

* You just shake your head. You doubt it, Edwards only got a one track mind for one person. And it’s not you

* “It would be nice if we could be friends though, I don’t really know many other people my physical age.”

* Carmen stops mid-stitch on her embroidery hoop

* “Is that something you want? Because the Cullen’s have other’s your a-“

* “I don’t need you to set up play dates for me Carmen”

* “Understood”

* Edward comes by regularly, to help you with your animals. You’re both always under the (discrete) supervision of one of your guardians (excluding Tanya of course.)

* And with each visit you learn a little more about him

* You find out that right now he’s masquerading as a senior in high school, he’s considering going to college for veterinary sciences

* “Why veterinary sciences?” You wonder if he’s about to poach your best deer and start his own blood business when he shrugs

* “It’s one of the few degrees I don’t have”

* You’re drinking blood-Capri-suns out on the porch, he’s still in his school clothes, including a very puffy jacket

* “What were you going to do?” Your raise an eyebrow and he elaborates “before you turned, what were you plans for the future.”

* “I was on my graduation trip, I was going to college in the fall”

* You got accepted into your safety school with a generous scholarship.

* Edward doesn’t press any further. But you can tell that he wants too.

* Many nights go by, you experiment with you animals diets, have supervised hang-outs with Edward, you meet Carlisle every so often who basically gives you therapy and helps you control your emotions

* Life is good

* But your growing complacency with the situation is starting to bother you

* You haven’t forgotten about Alec and Jane who are still fighting so hard to survive, or the countless others who would prefer this way of life if they only knew

* You know the minute you start being content is the minute the world wins

* So every night -or really every so often, you’ve lost all perception of time, the nights in Alaska are totally fucked and these heathens don’t even have a damn clock. Your only really sign of time is the mail man dropping off amazon packages- you sit and dream

* You think about giving back to the community, about saving your friends, and about dethroning fucking Aro

* You’re only at the beginning now, there’s still so much work to do, but it’s a start

* You hear a noise and your eyes open

* If you had a beating heart it would stutter when it saw Edward standing beside your bed, your hand moves on it’s own through reflex, clutching your heart

* Under the circumstances you would expect someone else to laugh, but Edward just looks confused

* “Are you...sleeping?”

* “I like to pretend, it’s a nice way to end the day” he raises an eyebrow at that

* “It’s 4 in the afternoon”

* “Well damn Edward, we don’t have any clocks in this house, how am I supposed to know what time it is.”

* He does laugh at that

* “Is it...nice?”

* “Yeah, it’s pretty relaxing, kills some time too.” Noticing the curious look on his face, you ask:

* “Do you want to try?” You pat the space on the bed beside you.

* You’re fully expecting for Edward with his old fashioned virtues to deny your suggestion. So you’re surprised that after several long seconds of silence, and a rather pained look, he adheres to your request and lies next to you on your bed.

* It’s a king size bed, so he’s at least three Great Danes away from you, but the closeness still surprises you.

* “What do I do now?” He says, eyes closed.

* “Daydream, or fantasise I guess, about things that happened in your day, or things you wish happened, places you want to go and memories you wish you could relive”

* “What do you usually dream about?” He asks, eyes open now

* “I think about Jane,” the answer is automatic, and you regret it as soon as the words come out. But Edward’s expression doesn’t change so you continue. “I think about my deers and my family too.” Most of the time you’re just thinking about what animal you want to excitement with next tbh

* “And sometimes I think about you.”

* And how glad you are to have a friend

* Edward doesn’t say anything for a long time, and for a second you hope he hasn’t misunderstood your words, you know he’ll never feel that way about you. All of those romantic feelings are saved for Bella

* “Would you like to come to my house sometime?” The questions throws you off, and your expression illicit’s a laugh from him. “Emmett and Esme are dying to meet the newborn from the Denali coven”

* That’s probably true for Esme, you’re pretty sure Emmett just wants to have some physical match with the “Volturi-reject”

* “That sounds fun, sure.”

* Maybe they have a clock in their house you can steal

* Edward shows up the next day in his shiny white Volvo to pick you up.

* On either side of you on the front porch are Carmen and Kate with their most fierce expressions (and behind them is Eleazer who just looks like he’s along for the ride)

* “Where are you going?” Kate asks

* “Our home on the other side of the mountain, you’ve been there before” Edwards got a small smile curling in his lips, and an eyebrow raised.

* “What will you do?” Carmen asks

* “My family’s having a board game night, I think we’re playing monopoly”

* “What time will you bring them home?” Kate intervenes, man they’re not even pretending to be polite

* “Well it’s not a school night-“ Seeing his joke isn’t going to land, he rethinks his words midway

* “Whenever they tell me to.”

* You’re half expecting to get a curfew, even though this household seems to operate without the concept of time, when Eleazer interjects

* “Well be safe, and have a good time.” He slides a backpack up your shoulders. “I packed you some blood bags in case you get hungry, Henrietta’s since I know that’s your favourite.”

* He’s the only one waving as you get into Edward’s car

* The view as you drive is breath taking, the snow covered mountains, abs crisp green trees

* Edward laughs beside you, at your awestruck expression no doubt

* “You don’t get out much do you?”

* You have your nose practically pressed to the glass

* “Not at all.”

* The Cullen’s home is reminiscent of the one from the movies. All light, with glass everywhere. It’s like a aurora, all wavy with no true shape

* “Welcome to our home (Y/N)” Carlisle greats you first, and behind him is... Esme

* She’s not at all like the books or the movie

* She’s definitely not white, you can’t tell exactly what race, but she’s definitely a POC.

* Her caramel cheekbones seem even more prominent when she offers you a smile.

* “It’s so nice to finally meet you, I’m Esme.”

* For some reason her being a POC, makes you feel more comfortable around her.

* Maybe you will ask her to draw up those plans for a proper barn.

* Edward stifles a laugh behind you, and you raise an eyebrow.

* “Emmett is dying to meet you upstairs.”

* You follow Edward up the stairs, finally meeting the family that spawned four books and a movie franchise.

* None of them look like they’re actor counterparts

* For one Emmett is black. And also really handsome, he’s got this Chadwick Boseman look alike thing going on and you’re down for it (RIP)

* Rosalie looks basically the way she was described in the books, all blonde hair and angel faced, but she’s the only one

* Alice is definitely Asian, she kinda looks like Lana Condor

* Jasper.... is ambiguously brown, but it still makes you let out a sigh of relief when you remember he was a Major in the CONFEDERATE army.

* More to the story than someone who was blatantly racist and supported slavery.

* They’re all beautiful, and they terrify you. You’re not exactly sure why, but something primal in you tells you to run away as fast as you can.

* But Edward lightly brushed the small of your back, pushing you forward. Right into the lions den.

* “Hello, I’m Rosalie”

* Looks like they picked her to be their spokesperson, all glittering smiles and flawless cheekbones. She extends her hand, and you lightly grasp it.

* “It’s nice to meet you.”

* It’s surreal to think how you know almost everything about this girl, while you two are virtually strangers

* Jasper introduces himself next, all smiles and quiet gentlemanly behavior.

* You’re not really sure what to expect with Alice, from what you know this girl has seen every future you could possibly have.

* Who knows what she saw

* But when she stands she hugs you

* “It’s good to see you!”

* “Alice, you haven’t introduced yourself”

* “Oh, right. I’m Alice”

* Emmett claps you on the back like you’re an old friend.

* “So, I heard you used to hang out with the sadist twins in the Volturi”

* You can practically feel the tension in the air, even Edward winces

* “They’re not so bad” really, what did anyone expect when they were in that environment

* Emmett grins

* “That’s bad ass”

* The rest of the night passes in a blur. The cullen’s game of monopoly includes some monstrous version where they put 8 different themed boards together and play in teams (You’re obviously on Edward and Alice’s team)

* They also have some sort of structure where they put four hotels together and called it a mega-hotel

* The whole thing blows up when Emmett accused Alice and Edward of using their powers to cheat

* “What do you want me to do, I can’t turn it off when I want Emmett, trust me I would especially when you and-“

* “Oh shut up Emmett, like we haven’t noticed Rosalie has an awful lot of $500 bills” Jasper interjects

* “It’s because you always pay me rent in small change!” She screams

* “Now-“ Carlisle tried to interject but Alice stands up

* “That’s a lie! I saw you steal from the bank several times when Esme wasn’t looking” Alice screams

* It goes on like this until Carlisle Declares the game over, and shoos everyone away.

* “Sorry, I would say it’s usually not like this, but I would be lying” Edward grins and you shrug

* “It was pretty fun and... entertaining in its own way” Edward beams at you, and once again, you definitely feel the dazzling effect Bella described in the movies

* “Should I... take you home now?” You can tell he doesn’t want to take you back yet, and if you’re being honest you don’t want to go back either

* The Cullen’s house has so much light, and you can see the stars so clearly here

* And if you’re being honest things seem to be way more entertaining here

* Edward takes you to a nook which houses a grand piano

* You’re fingers instinctively roam over the keys.

* “Do you play?”

* “Just a bit”

* You’re not the one who knew how to play, not really. But now this body is yours. You’ve thought about asking Carmen for a Piano, you’re sure they would love something that adds to the gothic feel of the mansion, but always cast it aside.

* You’re busy enough with your research.

* “Play me something” Edward grins.

* Alec had said the same thing to you when you were first taken by the Volturi, at the time your mind had raced wondering which piece would impress him the most. Which would aide in your survival.

* But looking at Edward now, you know that it’s not the same situation.

* He really does want you to play whatever your heart desires

* So you play “Love like you”, accompanied by your quiet voice reciting the lyrics

* At some point Edward sits beside you, playing in a deeper key, adding another layer of depth to your performance

* Wordlessly, afterwards he plays a piece of his own, Claire de Lune. Which you know is a remarkably hard piece.

* Still halfway you chime in, your super human fingers keeping up with him with ease

* And so it goes on like this, you play a modern song, waiting for him to catch up and he does the same with a classic

* Like a never ending game of cat and mouse

* It stops abruptly when Edward is in the middle of “moonlight sonata” when Alice clears her throat from behind you.

* “I hate to disturb,” there’s a teasing grin arched on her face. “But if you don’t drop them off, Carmen and Tanya are going to come over personally to retrieve them-“

* You see Edward wince, no doubt reviving Alice’s vision through his ability

* “And I don’t think anyone wants that.”

* You nod, moving to grab your backpack when you overhear Alice say-

* “You never let me play like that with you”

* Edward let’s out some sort of noise akin to a scoff

* “Where did you learn those songs?” He asks when you’re on the road

* Well you can’t tell him they’re from artists who aren’t known yet

* “Personal compositions” you murmur, and Edward grins his dazzling grin

* You talk about nothing but music until you pull into the familiar circle driveway of the manse

* Right when you’re about to thank him for a fun time, he gently stops you with a fleeting touch to your shoulder.

* “I’m graduating next month,” he hands you an envelope which you assume has his graduation card. “I was wondering if you would like to come to the ceremony.”

* You hold the card with both hands stunned, he’s already graduating high school?

* That means only 4 more years until he moves to Forks, and another two until he meets Bella

* And you realize that while time is frozen for both of you until the end of the universe, you’re the only one who isn’t moving forward

* “Yeah, I’d love that!”

* You try your best to smile, but your sure it comes off looking strange

* You don’t talk to anyone, heading straight for your bedroom

* What’s next for you?

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 18 March ‘21

The Zayn/ Zach Sang interview is happening, for real this time (fingers crossed)! It’s scheduled for tomorrow!! Zach promises to ask lots of NIL questions. And I really believe it’ll happen this time, Zayn OUT THERE doing promo-- he did multiple radio spots yesterday and answered every question thrown his way however stupid, even throwing caution to the wind and taking on the one they’re all always trying to avoid (though not so far to the wind as to choose any of the other options each of which would be a scandal in a different way- you can take the boy out of the media training but...)- “I’ll tell you what,” he said, “Niall is my favorite. How about that? There you go. Niall makes the best music. Yeah I will say that he makes better music than me. Yeah, I’m a Niall fan." About the grammys he said, “It's nothing to do with my own personal gain because even if they nominated me at this stage, I wouldn't even go and accept the award because it doesn't mean anything to me.”

Zayn talked about how he just wanted to do a song with Ingrid, he didn’t know what, “I didn’t expect it to be anything less than great but it was better than that… it hit the nail on the head” and “the fact that it’s an important message in the song makes it better.” He also said that he listens to a lot of country music and would really like to collab with Chris Stapleton. OKAY! TBH I can hear how that makes sense- amazing, I am manifesting this, come on universe! He also said that he will have new music this year in an old school R&B style though and that he would like to do live shows after the pandemic!! If I didn’t think he was just saying things I would be LOSING MY MIND right now but omg WHAT IF?? He said Khai is an easy baby, a good sleeper and eater, that he likes singing to her, and that Gigi is a “wicked mom” and “a big help,” LMAO (RIP Zayn, strangled by his baby mama). RCA posted a couple more gorgeous new Zayn pics, and Ingrid raves about how Zayn’s fans are “the sweetest most supportive people” and she feels “like I’ve been hugged by a million stars today.” Am I to understand that it’s possible for stans to treat a woman working with their fave with kindness?? My mind is REELING!

Hopefully Harry has had enough time to process having achieved a great industry honor, because yesterday brought another- he was on Beyonce’s insta! She included a picture of the two of them talking backstage in her big grammys wrap up post (plus he’s visible behind her in a shot of her winning- say what you will about the orange jacket it’s great for visibility!) And Lil NasX, perfect as always, has something to say about Harry too- he says “stop using me as a bait against harry styles. I love harry, if y’all fw what I wear say it without mentioning him,” and posts a couple examples of the types of tweets he means such as “we have GOT to stop acting like Harry Styles is a male fashion icon when lil nas x is right there.” Stop pitting girls against each other2k21! Nas gets it, bless him. Oh yeah and an old pap video from DWD set of Harry going into Olivia’s trailer posted which I ignored because it was so completely uninteresting but apparently that’s a BIG DEAL to some people. My bad! You’re so right, the only reason someone would possibly go into a room with a coworker is obviously that they’re fucking! They probably had sex right there while the paps were outside! I mean there were a bunch of other people visibly in the trailer too but whatever. Oh and as long as we’re doing nonsense catch up- he was seen with a FEMALE in Malibu the other night omgggg they’re clearly dating. Oh but actually it might have been Mitch! LMAO, but that’s okay we can have discourse about how they’re obviously fucking anyway cause like… dinner! TOGETHER!! The scandal.

Anyway Louis has a message for us, can you guess what it is? Yes that’s right-- “Hope everyone's doing alright!!” No matter how many times he says it, I still love the hello, thanks love (even if it was an afterthought and he was actually there to follow a crypto currency trading account). A bunch of old videos of him were posted today, including one from 2019 where Louis says about acting in his music videos “I wasn’t acting it’s who I am hahahaha” (ahhhhh I miss that laugh) and he’s on the wall of a THIRD MUSEUM! Louis is Art pt lll-- A Doncaster history timeline at the local museum has a big entry for Doncaster’s finest export, labeled “Louis Tomlinson Achieves Super Stardom”! Earlier entries were his face (hung up high) in the National Portrait Gallery and the science museum employee who saw their chance and took it by crediting a mushroom joke to him, a deep Video Diaries reference in the year of 2019; whoever that unknown louie is I hope they are having a very nice day every day, what a hero.

And a photodump from Zayn’s favorite member of OT4! Labeled DUMP (charming thank you) Niall posts an assortment of selfies (that sunglasses one! Ashe agrees, commenting “photo number four thank you very much”) and aesthetic pics and one tiny snippet of a piano tune, and speaking of photodumps from favorites of Zayn’s, a BUNCH of outtakes from Liam’s Grinder Tetu photoshoot just got posted and if I were a gay man I’m pretty sure I would have just had a heart attack, view with care they should probably be PG13.

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ✰ you coming out PART 2 !!

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon ♡ )

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff & humor

wc: ~1.3k

warning/s: descriptions of coming out as non-binary, brief mentions of gender dysphoria, my dumb commentary once again (hehe), these are just my opinions and ideas !!

a/n: i reference the first version of this reaction a few times and i recommend reading it first !! i got some really sweet responses to the original so i hope y’all like this one too :) OH ALSO i should mention that i decided to make it platonic since i found that easier and more natural to write.

✰ CHAN

i feel like even if he already knows a bunch about gender identity, non-binary and genderqueer people, dysphoria, pronouns, etc. he would definitely enjoy you giving him a full rundown on it !! and specifically what your interpretation is and how you identify

BEST LISTENER EVER !!!

do you remember that vlive where felix is talking and chan’s just sitting back and looking at felix with immense amounts of love in his eyes? yeah…

he’d be so. incredibly. proud. of you.

idk why the chan portions of these reactions have both been super sappy but anyways-

he’d be very dedicated to using your preferred pronouns and finding new ways to compliment you !!!

his google search history would most definitely include “genderless adjectives” and “enby dad jokes” and he’d keep a running list on his phone

chan: “what do you say when your non-binary friend is sad?”

you: [dead silence]

chan: “their, their....” [giggles]

KSDFJ

✰ MINHO

my first thought is that he’d be the type to ask for your new pronouns and immediately use them in a sentence.

for instance, say your new pronouns were xe/xem. he’d immediately say, “well, i’m very proud of my y/n, and i love xem very much.”

so then i’d start crying in the background.. blah blah blah omniscient narrator struggles :’)

i can’t see him being anything but casual and accepting !!

if you want to talk about things, he’ll most definitely let you, but if you don’t want to he won’t push.

but regardless, he just wants you to know he supports you in whatever way he can.

would also politely correct people if they misgender you in public !!! he wants you to feel safe !!!!!

i saw him as a wingman in the other reaction but in this context he’d definitely serve as your personal information pamphlet for people who you might not know too well.

random person: “what exactly does that mean?”

you: “it-”

minho: “WELL ACTUALLY-”

✰ CHANGBIN

just like in the first version, he’d get pretty emotional !!

i think he would really sympathize with you even though he can’t fully understand what you had to deal with externally or emotionally.

honestly that would probably make him even MORE emotional.

the fact that he can’t fully relate to those complex feelings would really tug at his heartstrings as he listens to you speak. he really wishes he could understand your struggles more, and maybe even take on the burden for you.

but let’s get less emo, shall we?

ok picture something with me bestie:

first, he casually refers to you using your new pronouns in a group conversation.

next, after the topic changes in the conversation, you look at him while the others continue talking.

this mf WINKS and flashes you the silliest smirk

you let out a little chuckle and you both continue on in the conversation

[end scene]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways-

✰ HYUNJIN

i feel like he might question his own gender identity a little as well sometimes, especially due to what people say online (like calling him “pretty”, the edits some people make, praising him for breaking stereotypes, etc.)

so, he probably understands a bit deeper than some of the other members might.

in that same vein, i think it might make him a little bit emotional to hear your story !!

over the years, i think it’s plain to see that he’s become more comfortable with expressing his more feminine attributes, which has always comforted you as his friend.

he understands the feeling of being uncomfortable with the gender roles one is expected to follow, so he empathizes with you.

in terms of his actual first reaction, i think it would be pretty similar to what i suggested in the other version of this.

(my bias is showing but oH MY GOSH I STILL THINK THIS WOULD BE SO CUTE-)

“woo~” *insert little jazz hands here*

…

[cries] anyways-

you feel really comfortable coming to him with this, and you’re happy when you do !!

✰ JISUNG

maybe it’s because i’ve seen tweets about it, but i feel like this dude knows everything there is to know about modern gender identity topics and neopronouns and stuff

after the initial awkwardness of the conversation (and a big supportive hug ofc) he’d be stoked to talk about it !!

would ask for your pronouns right away !!! he might also do the thing where he uses them in a sentence.

“y/n !!! ze’s so cool !!!!!!!”

i think if he saw someone misgender you (by accident) he wouldn’t correct them for you out of in-the-moment nerves, but he’d be very proud of you if you do it yourself !!

might buy you a snack afterward tbh

but if HE ever misgenders you OHHHHH goodness gracious

HE WOULD FEEL SOOO BAD AH

EVEN IF IT’S LIKE.. THE NEXT DAY

he’d get so very embarrassed and apologetic SDKFJ you’d have to really assure him that it’s not that big of a deal since he’s still adjusting to things, but he’d still feel like he has to make it up to you in some way

would probably buy you snacks again LMAO

✰ FELIX

i think he would be really excited !!

we know felix really loves and is passionate about androgynous/genderless forms of expression, especially in regard to appearance, so he’d probably really enjoy talking about gender and stereotypes with you !!

(if you’re comfy with it, ofc)

honestly, felix would be really encouraging and would help you gain more confidence !!!!!

if you ever feel like trying out a new look, he’d be like “OK BESTIE LET’S GO SHOPPING”

tbh he’d probably try it out with you !! or if you hang out often, he’d probably subconsciously start finding inspiration in your style and adopt it a bit himself

on days where you feel a bit down for whatever reason, especially in regard to dysphoria, his first instinct would be to cheer you up by reminding you how unique and cool you are.

and it’s not just because you’re nonbinary but also because you’re just a super cool person !!!!!!!!!! and i think so too !!!!!!!!!!!! never forget it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so overall, i feel like felix wouldn’t be very hard to come out to once you get over your initial nerves, and the end result would be super fun :D

✰ SEUNGMIN

i think his initial reaction would be pretty similar to chan’s !!

he also seems like the type to be super, super diligent with adjusting to whatever pronouns you feel comfortable using or words you’re okay with him using to refer to you.

(maybe it’s because we know he was a good student and he’s diligent with practicing his english. training his brain to correct itself would be like studying for him lol)

for example, instead of calling you “pretty” or “handsome,” he might even try simply pointing out a part of your appearance that he thinks looks especially great !! something like your eyes, your hair, your outfit, etc.

your hair looks great today, btw. anyways-

aside from that, i think he would just try to be as courteous as possible without making a big deal out of things.

and if he ever slips up with your pronouns, descriptors, etc, he’d be super quick to apologize and correct himself before keeping the conversation going like normal !!

there’s just generally a lot of mutual respect all around :)

✰ JEONGIN

this is somewhat similar to my other version of this reaction, but i think he’d just be really intrigued and a little shocked

IDK WHY I KEEP THINKING HIS ABILITY TO GAUGE THESE THINGS IS SO BAD DKFJ every time i think about someone coming out to him i just can’t help but picture him being like “reaLLY??? since WHEN”

still, something deep within my soul is telling me that jeongin would truly think you’re the coolest person on the planet.

being as he can’t personally relate to this, jeongin would be pretty psyched to hear about your journey to finding out !! kinda the opposite reaction to changbin lol

honestly he’d be a super good listener !!!!

he’d hear you out for however long you explain things to him, and if you ever get a bit emotional, he might smile at you or reach out to hold your hand :’) or both :’’’’’)

then, when you tell him your preferred pronouns he’s like “oH okay !! coOL !!!” lmao

so, he understands the concept and is super happy for you but he just didn’t really expect it !!

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​,@kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​,@kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[1eos]

All these anons are weird and corny so here’s an actual query, I have the hag line cap stellium and am Saturn dominant, nd everything online basically says Saturn dominant ppl are born 2 suffer/lvl grind thru life nd I was wondering if u have a less…depressing take on it lol. tbh I don’t even find a lot of trustworthy takes on stelliums and/or planet dominance online so idk if it’s even something to stress abt but I feel like Saturn has been kicking my ass my whole life n I need positivity rn;;;

YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PERSON~!!!!!!!! literally i haaaaaaaaate the way ppl talk abt saturn its not that depressing. basically saturn dominant ppl are gonna age backwards nd thrive the older they get nd the more uhhhh life experience they acquire? so a lot of Saturn children are super serious but once they bloom into adulthood they will ironically then start to indulge in what makes them happy! saturn isn't actively trying to destroy you or make u suffer she's just trying to get you to change how you're looking at things. LITERALLY just this year i had a major saturian breakthrough nd if you ever have the chance u should read thru liz greene's saturn: a new look on an old devil bc it paints saturn differently. like a lot of the times when we get blocked by life we get frustrated nd can't see that there's something better for us. but here are some of my fave excerpts i think can help u!

but as a saturn dom i think its IMPERITIVE that you

-take life at your own pace bc the ‘live ur best life in your early 20s’ isn’t neccessarily for you. literally you will Never Peak it just keeps getting better.

-start treating yourself softer. you don’t HAVE to hold the whole world on your shoulders alone. its ok to rely on ppl. its ok to take breaks

-find the sweet spot between ‘some suffering in life is bc of things i cannot control nd has no bearing on me’ and ‘sometimes the growth i need will come out of an uncomfortable circumstance’ the point isn’t to identify with our pain but rather to….learn from it. accept it nd heal from it nd become someone that’s wiser from experience but softer from compassion. which i think is another great thing abt saturnesque ppl. like y’all know how to be firm nd get shit done but still with such a competent compassion 🥺 im sorry this ask is so long anyways but to explain my point my mom is a cap moon nd i always wondered if she didnt like our dog much bc she doesnt really pet her but i found out my mom went out of her way to boil dog treats so they’d be soft for my elderly dog to eat nd i think that sums up cap/saturn energy. a practical but not always seen care

-oh and possibly most importantly. do some soul searching nd ask yourself if what you’re struggling for is what you REALLY want in life. nd then ask if you TRULY believe that you deserve it. bc in my experience the times where saturn pushed against me the hardest were times were i was fighting for something i THOUGHT i wanted but i really didn’t. if you’re unaware of something in yourself saturn will beat u over the head until u get it but the process doesn’t have to be miserable you know? the journey of self discovery should be, in the end of the day, full of levity bc it’s a step closer to the idealized self you’re working for.

sorry this is so long i just have a lot of thoughts abt saturn nd ik what its like to have her beat the snot out of u i hope this help pls don’t hesitate for more excerpts, venting, etc i live for this

[mythiccheroacademia]

Happy New Years Hotties!!!

hey :) i know your dash is flodded with beautiful new year’s posts and i just wanna pop in and add my own little thank you note. if you read nothing else, at least read this.

after the year we just had, you deserve some big gross romantic declaration of love and then a new year’s kiss. so lemme just say i love you and give you a smooch. you survived all 365 days and that’s some real hot girl shit. thank you for being you. i’m shaking some metaphorical ass for you bc you are that bitch

wishing nothing but inner peace, self love, confidence, happiness, big moneyyy and all the pretty bitch shit you could ever want in life <3

now that that’s over, wanna see me be a cornball beneath the line?

i’ve attempted to write this an embarassing amount of times. so now im forced to write this 2 hours before midnight at a church event....wearing white like im not on the most sinful app in my phone...in front of my mother...keeping a straight face in front of 100 people...and this wig is squeezing tf out my head. this is prolly not gonna be perfect and if i forget anything or anyone, my b dawg. i’ll be back to edit

so let’s get into it. no beta, we die like hot girls 

there’s about 5.4k+ of y’all i’d like to individually thank, but that’s impossible in the time constraint i have. so, for now, pls accept this embarrassing thank you/love letter. im not gonna act like i dont spill my heart out to yall on a daily. but imma do it again. this yr was trash tbh. everyone was being tested like all hell, but we’re here and i’m very grateful for that. my heart is full from all the kind hearts i’ve met throughout my time on here. 

~~~

to my mutuals, your presence literally blows my mind bc there was certainly a time i talked to me, myself, and i LMAO. i was so nervous to speak to anyone outside of asks bc a bitch was shy, but you’ve all accepted me with open arms and have made my time on here that more bearable. thanks for tolerating me bc ik i’m a lot sometimes hehe. y’all are cool asf and a large reason why i haven’t called it quits. no matter what i want the best for y’all. thank you, i love you 

also i have to write a special shout out to @bnhainthewoo and @melanimed bc you two hoes are stuck w me forever. even tho ion like yall niggas all the time, i love y’all like sisters. you’ve supported me through some real shit and i cant say thank you enough. i’d literally fight anyone for y’all also @liltodo @cellotonin @kingtamakimurder @tamasoft @kelatonin @mrs-atushiro @itsbabyysunnyy @mypimpademia @myhoodacademia @infernaltribute7 @sheerxradiance (i’m forgetting so many people but my mom just asked why i’m typing so much and im PANICKING) you all are people that i was lowkey highkey geeked to get to know and blogs i look up to. when i figured out you followed me, i smiled a lot and every time i interact with y’all i literally tell myself ‘don’t fuck this up cece.’ it’s sick LMAOOO i appreciate you and idk man, i just genuinely like you guys a lot and ion be liking people like dat. hope y’all are well and know that i have real love for you. i’d revoke my hottie card for y’all <3

~~~

to my anime anons, bitchhhhhh y’all are a RIOT. thee harem house is a mess!!! the way you keep my on my toes is sickening. you guys deserve a medal. you make my tumblr experience so fun, i can’t thank y’all enough. you make me feel all kinds of emotions and i’m always asking myself, “now how’d we end up here?” KSSKSK. please know that i’m grateful for every note and ask. i hope you all are having a wonderful new year. i love youuuuu

~~~

to my followers, if anyone deserves the biggest thank you, it’s y’all. you’re the main reason i write. the comments and interactions i get from you....i dont understand how i got so lucky. you’ve seen some shit on here yet you still stay. like bitch wtf. WHY ARE Y’ALL STILL HERE??? you make me smile and i honest to God wish i could hug you all. thank you for believing in my writing. thank you for believing in me and this blog. and thank you for being some real ass pretty bitches

i had more to say but i’d be here all night. happy new years y’all. be safe and know i care about you. thanks for surviving 2020 with me. y’all are some hot girls fr fr

i’m about to tag everyone and their mama. if i forget you, pls know i dont mean it and I”M COMING BACK. i have to do this in the next 3 min jdknfk;fk i love you. don’t come at me sideways! i beg!!!

@sems-diarie @sunshineszn @pinkceokjin23 @chefakari @black-bhabie-2000 @azura-galaxy @amajikibby @des-the-girl @blkanimegyal  @iiminibattlehero   @lilsparkyswife @stellarxfresh @mintballoons @reebgirl13 @bnha-baddie @vixenpen @oshun-energy @vangooh-works @tediursula @oh-sotired @azura-galaxy @fuckingyaoimann @astrablossom @todorokiaimee @thermaflute @saitamastamaticsoup @velvesagi @blkladyelle @sweetbakugou @shayiswifey @vodrea @bakugoustanaccount @shhhlikeme  @bnhatrashh @niggacaaaaaat @tododeku-or-bust (couldnt forget to add you<3)

[because-of-a-friend]

Boyfriend!Dino Fluff

MASTERLIST

Coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino

Hey anon! Thanks for the request and the kind words about my writing! I hope this is what you wanted! Feel free to request more! This is a series I do by request so if I’m missing someone you want, you have to request it!

Dino and you meet at a coffee shop 

He’s rushing to grab a drink before he has a meeting with the other members and some of their managers 

Which is why he’s not paying a whole lot of attention to the orders being called out as he reads the texts Coups is sending him to hurry up

So when he hears an order that sounds close to his but not exactly

He just grabs it thinking they must have messed it up and he doesn’t have the time to deal with it

And he’s already gulping it down when he turns to leave and sees you!!!

And you were coming up to grab your drink

AKA the drink he is currently downing

When he realizes what is happening he turns so red

And starts stuttering

“I just- I was in a rush so- It was so similar to mine- I thought” 

You just laugh

“Hey honestly it’s fine, if you’re in a rush, go ahead and take it” 

“Oh wow, honestly you’re too kind, I don’t know how to make it up to you”

“I can just take your drink! And... you can give me your number”

Dino.exe has stopped working

“Right... right! My number!”

He grabs your phone and types it in

You take your phone back and look up

He’s just sitting there staring at you

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh right!” he panics and starts heading for the door. “Text me soon! I’ll buy you a replacement coffee!”

The whole time he’s in the meeting 

He’s in a daze

Just like trying not to grin as he thinks about you being so forward and catching him off guard and making his heart beat like crazy

It doesn’t actually take you long at all to text him

“Hey coffee boy, when am I getting my replacement drink?”

He reads the text twenty times in a row and every time he jumps back onto his bed and kicks his feet into the air

Hoshi walks into his room and walks back out immediately

“Umm guys, I think Dino is broken”

Dino realizes he actually has to reply and asks if you’re free to meet that weekend

You are!!!

When you get to the cafe, Dino is already there with both of your drinks

“You remembered my order?”

“Well it’s so close to mine”

He’s already red

There’s a moment of silence

“So, coffee boy, do you have a name?”

“Oh! It’s Chan, Lee Chan”

“Hello Lee Chan, I’m [Y/N]”

After finally introducing yourselves, you get to know each other

Dino really really really really likes talking to you so he asks you every little question he can think to

And he commits it all to memory

It doesn’t take him long to realize you are his ideal type that he didn’t even know he had

Like your humor, your interests, the way you speak

Every little gesture makes him feel comfortable and happy

You two talk for hours without even realizing it 

He doesn’t even know how late it is until Mingyu is calling him to ask why he’s not at practice

“Oh! I have to go!”

“Haha, you’re always in a rush, aren’t you Lee Chan”

He scratches the back of his head and blushes a bit

“I don’t want you to think I’m just running off, I really enjoyed spending time with you and-”

You grab his hand to stop his rambling 

“We’ll do this again” you affirm before sending him off 

And you do

You and Dino meet up for little dates more and more often

The other boys are having a heyday when they realize what’s happening 

“[Y/N] and Dino sittin in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G”

“Guys pls this is the third time you’ve sung that today”

“First comes love then comes marriage-”

“This is why I’m never introducing them to any of you”

But he still shyly asks them to help him come up with date ideas and how to dress when he meets up with you

Your whole relationship is so exciting for him bc honestly he had never really thought about dating until he met you so he’s feeling all this stuff for the first time and it’s just a great time for him tbh

Meaning he absolutely adores you

Get ready for random moments where you look up and he’s just looking at you like 

*          *              * *             * *     *        *  *             * *        *               Heart Eyes   * *    *       *       *          *   * *  *    *     * *      *       *     *      * *

He’s also gonna get shy and giggly any time he initiates physical contact

But he’s like obsessed with hugging you, cuddling, holding your hand, kissing you

His love for you is always overflowing so it’s evident in everything he does

He’s always being affectionate, making time to see you, buying you thoughtful gifts, listens to you intently 

But he acts like it’s such a big deal when you do the same????

Like one time you came to bring him lunch on a busy day

He looks like he’s gonna explode with joy

But then the other boys appear and he’s like 

“You gotta leave”

“Are you ashamed of me coffee boy?”

“No I just don’t want them to scare you away”

Too late

Mingyu has spotted you and now all twelve of them are introducing themselves simultaneously and asking you a billion questions

And Dino’s like “pls leave them alone”

But you think it’s so funny and you’re having the time of your life talking to them 

And it’s really fun to see how much Dino takes after them

But he’s also a nervous wreck, hoping that no one says anything to offend anyone else

But of course that doesn’t happen

They all like you and you like all of them

So Dino starts inviting you over more often bc you knowing the other boys and getting along with them and feeling comfortable spending time with them is really important to him

But he also somewhat regrets it when you and Seungkwan occasionally gang up on him to tease him (harmlessly, of course) 

But the fact that you get along with them so well still makes him so so happy

Then one day Coups gets you a ticket to their concert

And of course Dino wants you to be interested in what he does and get to see it

But he’s never been so nervous for a show before

What if you don’t like it?

What if you think he’s no good?

He puts his whole heart and soul into his performance that night

When they exit the dressing rooms he’s a nervous wreck

He sees you standing down the hall, lightstick hanging from your wrist, looking worn out from attending the concert

As soon as you see him you rush to greet him and jump into his arms

“Did you like it?” he whispers quietly into your ear

“Channie are you kidding me??? I loved it!!!”

He squeezes you so tight you think you’re gonna pop

And as if your words didn’t make him happy enough, he can hear that your voice is scratchy so you must’ve been cheering pretty loud

“C’mon babe, let’s get you a warm drink”

“But I’m already so hoooooot” 

“Yeah but you’ll thank me tomorrow when you actually have your voice”

After that you attend your concerts all the time 

Dino is beaming whenever you come

Accept that one time Seungkwan paid you to hold a sign with his name on it just to see Dino’s reaction

And he’s so excited whenever you ask him about his career and his dancing and music 

He rambles on and on and on and on about it

He’s just so excited to get to share that part of his life with you

And you love seeing how passionate he is about it

Another thing tho

You like never call him Dino

Since he introduced himself as Chan and that’s what you called him before you knew his stage name

And he’s fine with it

But it’s also weird bc sometimes he’s so used to everyone calling him Dino 24/7

Sometimes you’ll be like “Chan, baby, can you pass me the salt?”

*no response*

“Hey Chan?”

*still no response*

“Hey! Lee Chan, I’m talking to you”

“Oh sorry, I forgot that was my name for a second”

You start quoting Seventeen’s song lyrics to him to embarrass him sometimes 

But he gets to turn around and make fun of you bc 

“Last time I checked, [Y/N], you asked me to sing you to sleep with those same lyrics just last night”

There’s definitely a very fun, teasing aspect to your relationship bc Chan doesn’t like to take things too seriously and wants you two to have a lot of fun

But he doesn’t shy away from the more serious parts of being in a relationship and is actually incredibly mature and responsible in facing any issues you two have head on and solving it all in the best way possible

Dino is generally a really level headed person so he always tries to look at things from your perspective and is really great at coming up with solutions and compromises that satisfy you both

He buys y’all matching stuffed animals so that you both have something to cuddle when he’s away on tour

Such a softie honestly 

But seriously

He’s just a great bf who is gonna treat you right and be incredibly cute and cheesy while he does it

[frunbuns]

Fics that punched me in the face and stole my lunch money

one more time with feeling by Soulykins (Not rated, 4009 words)

When Five Hargreeves is four-years-old, he discovers his power.

He also discovers a whole lot more than that.

They’re all figuring out their powers, and as a consequence they all move out of the nursery into their own rooms after a somewhat unfortunate incident regarding the discovery of Six’s powers. Regardless, Five isn’t very fond of the new arrangement because he’s lonely.

He can’t sleep without the sounds of his siblings around him. One’s sleepy whuffling and Four’s random exclamations, Six shuffling around and Two kicking his blankets off in the night. It’s too quiet.

That is, of course, when the man falls into his room.

Probably one of my all-time favourite fics. It hits hard and is honestly the reason this rec list was made. I swear the ending knocks the breath out of me every time I read it.

little white lies by Soulykins (General Audiences, 3750 words)

The first time Five lies, really lies, he's four-years-old and taking the blame for something he didn't do.

And then he doesn't stop.

--

Five lies to everyone. He lies to his father, to his siblings, and even to himself.

(Five has broken himself apart and put himself back together so many times over the course of his life. When you're broken, you use whatever is at hand to glue yourself back together. Love and loyalty and determination, of course. But hate and spite and fury all work as well.

Five never noticed when he started gluing himself together with lies. Lies are not very good glue, they come apart too easily.)

Five protecting his siblings? Angst and hurt? Yes. It hurts, but in a good way. Like all good angsty fics do. The ending? My god. A very nice way to end all that angst. Thank you very much.

Delusions of a Practical Nature by KnightNight7203 (Teen and Up, 5045 words, 3 chapters)

This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. He was supposed to get through the next layer of his equations, finally narrow down the limits he’s been searching for for the past month and a half. But maybe he should sit down with his family more often. For the first time in a long time, he feels something akin to peace.

In which Five doesn’t always have to make it through an apocalypse alone.

You think this is nice. A few things that make you go “That’s weird”, and then it punched you in the gut with the ending and you realize; “oh shit” and it’s actually really sad. This is yet another one of the fics that made me make this list lol.

Don’t waste your time (or time will waste you) by rosewitchx (Teen and Up, 4408 words)

He was an old man. He is sixteen. Ben dies next week. How does he know that? “I think I broke it,” Five stutters, and for the first time in her short life Vanya sees absolute terror in his eyes.

- Or, Five travels back again. Something goes wrong.

Heartbreaking in all the best way. This one hurts, but it wraps up nicely at the end and I like that in a fic (or anything tbh). It kinda feels like one long gut punch at times.

losing you to the gutter by tiesmp3 (Teen and Up, 2328 words)

fire, it burned my skin but i still want to play with it. - “baby boy”, mother mother

or, five is teetering on the edge of a very steep cliff—or, maybe he always has been, but no one’s ever really cared about it, anyway.

Hurt and comfort. Five’s PTSD being adressed. Getting the help he needs. All the good stuff.

and i'll be back (again and again and again) by artfulacrostic (Teen and Up, 3560 words)

Five stumbles to his feet and looks up at his family.

They seem so...startled. Staring, like they can't believe he's back, even though he's been back over and over and over.

Of course, they don’t know that. They never do.

//

Five relives the eight days before the apocalypse over and over again in a whirlwind of equations, alcohol, and failure.

This one’s a ride, y’all. Oh my fucking god. It’s so good. The feels, holy shit. I have no words. Just read it. This was also one of the fics that made me make this list.

Bolt from the Blue by TheArchaeologist (Mature, 84665 words, 39 chapters)

When they were sixteen Klaus successfully escaped for the night, and to celebrate went to the disco with a girl he barely knew. He was young, terribly misguided, but overall the night had been amazing.

He just didn't expect to have a baby dumped in his arms nine months later.

Or,

The author takes a throw away joke in the show and runs with it.

This is a looong one, I have to be honest with you all. It really is. It’s so good and heart wrenching and sweet and oh so sad. In an Alternate Universe Five is Klaus’ son and we follow him and Ben as they try their best to raise him with the little they have, until it all goes to shit. It’s part of a longer series and let me tell you; It’s a wild one.

And I Will Run Fast, Outlast by beastboy12 (Teen and Up, 27345 words, 7 chapters)

Five is fine. Getting his siblings to see that is a different matter entirely.

In which Five has a very difficult time accepting that he may not, in fact, be okay.

This one’s also on the longer side, but not terrifbly so. It’s another fic where Five struggles with his trauma and gets help. Some recovery. A very nice read. Make sure to read the warnings though, as it covers some difficult things. Be aware of that when reading this.

Side Effects May Vary by CivilBores (Teen and Up, 6565 words)

Allison crosses her arms. “Five,” she says firmly, “when was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know,” Five says honestly. At Allison’s expression, he quickly adds, “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t know what it’ll take for all of you pea-brained idiots to realize that.”

“We may not be as intelligent as you, Five,” Allison says, “but at least all of us are smart enough to know how to take care of ourselves.”

OR

A week after the world is saved, Five convinces himself that he is still experiencing lingering side effects of paradox psychosis. His family has something to say about that.

Five’s falling apart and he thinks it’s paradox psychosis. The siblings try to help him. It takes some time, but eventually they get through to him. Turns out it’s not that serious, but Five is a disaster so what do you expect?

we are alive, here by pilotpoison (General Audiences, 1364 words)

The Apocalypse was diverted, and Five finally gets to feel.

Probably one of the shortest ones on the list. Five has a bit of a breakdown after finally stopping the apocalypse for good. Angsty with a hopeful, nice ending.

(i heard a rumor) i put a band-aid on a bullet wound by telm_393 (Teen and Up, 3220 words)

Allison tries to figure out who she really is. Allison tries to calm her brother down. There are no quick fixes.

Allison centered fic where she struggles with the loss of her voice and powers. It delves into Allison’s feelings towards the sitauation and her siblings (mostly Vanya). Basically she kinda learns how to live without the use of her voice, which has been such an imprtant part of her before and she also has a nice moment with Five where she calms him down after a nightmare. It’s also an interesting look at what Five’s trauma might look like from an outside perspective.

Derivation by obvious_apostate (General Audiences, 3199 words)

Grace wants to give the children something special for their birthday. She succeeds for six of them.

Your typical fic of the siblings recieving their names, expect in a slightly different direction. Grace sends out letters to the sibling’s mothers to ask what their names should have been and Five’s the one that never gets one. It’s sad and it hurts, but it’s so good.

[elizabeatrice]

Episode 12 - The Little Mermaid

Let’s Talk About JSHK Anime #3

Warning: Manga spoilers for The Little Mermaid arc, The Clock Keeper arc, and chapter 64!!! (just a bit, skip point no. 5, 6, and 10 if you don’t want to get spoiled) Also … this ended up way longer than I intended.

Well that was one heck of a feels trip. It’s probably my new favorite episode, just because everyone is here being wholesome lmao.

This is mostly hananene meta I ain’t even gonna lie.

Before we begin, shout out to Black Canyon, our newest anime cutie pie. Just look at him, folks. Just chilling with his sunflower seed.

He has no idea the kind of life his owner leads.

I said before that the best part of episode 12 is how it made Daydream worse, so now I’m gonna ramble about it.

“Maybe different species can’t understand each other after all.”

“Maybe it would be better if I were an apparition too.”

This is my favorite part of the episode. And no, not in the sense that I want Nene to die just so that she and Hanako can be together. But because of how Lerche actually explored deeper what was said only once in the manga.

Well, both in the manga and anime Nene ended up accepting the mermaid’s blood because of her desire to be popular, but the anime decided to revisit what she said earlier in the episode.

Not only did that make her decision kinda less selfish, it’s also just … sad. Thinking that your friend, someone you really cared about, doesn’t trust you enough to tell you things about themselves, to the point where you’re willing to go to such lengths as turning into an apparition just to understand them.

And if you think about it, isn’t this part of her true wish? To have her feelings be reciprocated? Man I just realized that as I wrote this and I am mindblown.

She thought she finally got her wish with Hanako. I mean, he said it himself in the first ep (”You wanted someone, anyone, to return your feelings, right? And as far as you’re concerned, sharing a bond with someone is the same thing, right?”). So it must’ve hit her really hard when she thought he didn’t trust her. Especially with all the wrong ideas the fishes were feeding her mind.

Then we got this little flashback. At first I was like, “Girl, you really be thinking that he doesn’t care about you while recalling the moment he apologized to you and hugged you? Are you insane?”

But after some thinking of my own, it occurred to me. Maybe she was too used to having her feelings not reciprocated, she couldn’t believe it when someone finally did. Not to mention Hanako did kinda trick her with his fake confession a while back (heh, he’s not the only one with trust issues, eh?). And that just made the entire thing even sadder.

So when Nene said, “But I thought, if I were an apparition like you, I could get closer to you. Then, maybe I’d be able to understand you, Hanako-kun. Although I know I probably don’t mean anything to you.”

That was a harsh wake up call for Hanako.

(Btw even more full circle, Hanako brought up Nene’s wish to become human again in the first episode. Nice.)

So. We got one daikon girl who’s afraid of not having her feelings reciprocated, and one ghost boy who’s afraid that daikon girl wouldn’t be his friend anymore if she knew about his past.

While in actuality, said daikon girl already decided she wanted to and would be his friend no matter what, and ghost boy had grown to care about her more than he thought he would.

He heard what she said to Tsuchigomori. He knew all about regret, too.  I mean, honestly, I think if she had said no, he’d let her walk away right then and there, no questions asked. But she didn’t.

Nene’s wish finally came true here. And the best part? It wasn’t the work of magic or curses. Just Hanako finally shoving his fear aside, offering himself as he was, and letting her decide.

And she still chose to be with him.

Heh. Lemme just. Sob for a bit.

Is my hananene trash brain reading too much into this? Idk. Maybe.

So props to the production team for managing to add even more weight to this arc. Which, they had to, since it’s the season finale and all. But I love what they did!

Onto my commentaries!

1. The KouNene

Good shit. She was worried about him but he didn’t want her to worry so he just smiled it off? These two are precious. Thought they were gonna interact. Sadly not. Buuuut! (see point 12)

2. Hanako’s classroom visit

He. Is. So. Adorable. Someone please take his babey license away he’s too dangerous.

Hanako’s classroom visit is like my absolute favorite clingy Hanako moment, so I’m really happy I get to see it this season. Ugh. My kokoro. Hugging her from behind, that semi confession vibe … Smooth mf.

The Mokke brushing Nene’s hair!!! The radish hairdo tho lmao.

On a sidenote, as a history nerd I appreciate that they’re actually putting lessons in the background. And the teacher talked about Apollo 11 again??? While my boy was in the room? That ish both hurt and pleased me.

3. The Clock Keeper rumor drop

Heeeeeehhhhh? What’s thiiiiiissss?

4. This freaking thing

*flips table* Darn production team been knew I’m hananene trash how dare they do this to me.

And lookie here there’s Kodama chilling.

5. Fishies! (!!!manga spoiler for The Little Mermaid arc!!!)

Pufferfish didn’t die. Well, good for him. Also I can’t believe they just call the other fish ‘yeah yeah’ lmao what the freak. Has it always been like that in the manga?

6. AOI AND AKANE (!!!spoilers for chapter 64!!!)

I swear I did not intend this numbering coincidence.

*claps* Boi. Nene asking Aoi about cutting ties with someone she’s interested in? And then Akane just swooped in and say he’d rather cut his head off than cut ties with Aoi? What about getting impaled, huh, boy? Would that do?

The not-so-subtle call out to these two pairs’ parallel? BOI.

7. Nene and Yako

These two just chilling together having girl talk, and Yako let Nene pet her? That’s some adorable shit right there. Admit it Yako you like her.

Yako also be really hitting home with what she said. It was extra heavy coming from her, considering what happened to her and Misaki. Boiiiiii.

8. Tsuchigomori

Oh my God, his laughter. Just … oh my God.

Tsuchigomori in dad mode is always one of the highlights of the episode/chapter.

By the way, in this scene according to the sub, Nene asked Tsuchigomori who Tsukasa is. But she knew who he is already. Is it possible that the sub misinterpreted it? ‘Cause I think what she actually meant was, “What happened to him and Tsukasa-kun in the past?”

If someone who speaks Japanese could share their wisdom, please do!

9. The 5 pm bell and twilight

Look how pretty they are!!!

Lo and behold, another important hananene interaction while the 5 pm bell plays in the background. Also, twilight? Y’all giving me Kimi no Na wa flashbacks.

“Twilight, when it’s neither day or night. When the world blurs and one might encounter something not human.”

Huh … kinda fits the ‘boundary’ concept but it still hurt.

Anyway they still had Hanako tell her what she already knew. And I did say in my ‘Walking Blind’ post that it’d be redundant. But since the episode kinda emphasized Nene’s desire to understand Hanako, having him actually tell her himself, even though she already knew it, was a big deal. It’s not about what she knows, it’s about him opening up to her. So I’m super cool with it.

10. The Broadcasting Club (!!!spoilers for The Clock Keeper arc!!!)

I love how Natsuhiko and Sakura are actually decent people. When he told Mitsuba that he was free to choose to stay with them or not? That’s solid, man. Though, of course, Tsukasa might not be as kind.

Speaking of, I know it couldn’t be anything else, but I’m still not sure if Tsukasa’s drawing was confirmation for season 2. Don’t wanna get my hopes up. Imma just enjoy what I currently have.

Kinda curious, though. Because Clock Keeper wasn’t Tsukasa’s doing. Maybe he was the one who released Mirai? But tbh I’d prefer if it wasn’t so. Because having more cases of supernaturals going loco without it being one of Tsukasa’s games is interesting, and kinda underlines the need of The Seven Wonders to keep supernaturals in check.

11. Kodama just chilling

12. The Adventures of Minamoto and the Summer Vegetables

You go, Kou! I’m rooting for you oh my God you’re so precious.

And look at that ikemen smile! Him supporting Kou is just top notch sweet y’all I can’t-

Ngl this was the biggest surprise of the episode. Teru finding out that summer vegetables = Nene? Broooooo. Interesting. I don’t think this little addition warrants any changes to their future interaction, so it should be safe. Clever replacement, too, those veggies.

It’s so sweet that Nene delivered those veggies to Kou! Just imagine the Minamoto family having veggies for dinner. Awww.

(Also, Nene wrote her name in hiragana instead of kanji. Is that a reference to how bad Kou is with kanji? Lol, so sweet)

13. The Coda!!!

Look at him. Just look at him. Look how lovesick he is y’all I can’t-

THEY’RE SO ADORABLE.

All in all, I love this episode. Sorry for how long this post is. I’m just dealing with so many feels right now. Gaaahhhhh.

[zabrak-show]

The Letter | Maul x Reader

Word count: 1.9k

warnings: fluff, mention of alcohol, nudity, gender neutral reader, adopted children, mention of slavery and trauma, so fluffy and sweet dear god, I hope that it’s not too cliche, sex is suggested, but never explicit.

a/n: I wrote this because I have been really stressed lately and also have baby fever really bad. I have never done a story like this from the reader’s perspective and tbh wasn’t sure if I would ever try, but I figured why not?! I also usually only write angsty things I’ve realized, like even when I think I’m being sweet it still ends on a bad note LOL anyway, I hope someone else enjoys this please leave me hearts and feedbacks. I’m new at this and need validation hahah xoxo

~*~*~*~AU where Maul left Sidious to become a bounty hunter. Y’all lovebirds met and adopted a couple sweetie night brother babies and settle down on Dathomir to live the domestic Star Wars dream.~*~*~*

The hour was late and you were pacing around the large office in your home on Dathomir. The house was everything you could dream of for a home. It was a lovely 3 story, sprawling with more than enough rooms to make everyone happy for your family of 4. You had adopted two night brother children while your husband, Maul, had been on a mission to free them all from a life of slavery and subservience on Dathomir. After peace was established on Dathomir, you decided to settle down here for the kids and it really was a dream come true.

 You could not believe this was your life sometimes. Your husband was the most handsome man in the whole galaxy with his crimson skin, sharp facial features, and dramatic black tattoos decorating his entire body. Your two children, Zabrak boys, the older one with orange complexion and the littlest one, yellow, were sound asleep in their rooms above you. The bottom of your long black robe lightly crawled across the cool wooden floor as you made your way around the room, too restless to sleep, too tired to get anything done.

Maul had been gone three months now. He was set to return any day now and you hadn’t heard a word from him in weeks. His work was dangerous as a bounty hunter, but you had full confidence in his abilities. He was the strongest and fiercest person you’d ever met. Of course, around you and the kids was another story, but you knew the way he was raised by Sidious had led him to do some really dark things that made him more than capable of taking care of himself.

Finally, you decided to pour yourself a glass of Tevraki whiskey to help calm your nerves. You sat at the long dark wooden desk at the corner of the room and turned on the green lamp atop its surface. It was Maul’s desk and you usually never sat there to not disturb his things, but you hadn’t gone this long without seeing him since you’d been married and craved any sort of reminder of him. You ran your fingers over all the drawer pulls in a futile attempt to feel him through the things he touched repeatedly every day when he was home, noting where the wood and metal parts of the desk were more worn. You reluctantly pulled open one of the drawers. If there was one thing you weren’t, it was nosy, and you fully trusted and respected your husband’s privacy. It felt like you were being possessed by a hand not your own now opening the top drawer and seeing a small stack of papers. One folded neatly with (y/n) written on it in your husband’s handwriting. 

Oh dear, I really shouldn’t 

I mean it does have my name on it though…

No, it’s not for me to decide

Just take a small peak…

You were slowly opening the folded paper, despite the argument in your head, your hands had made up their mind and your eyes weren’t going to pretend to look away either.

My Dearest (Y/N),

I will never understand how someone so gorgeous inside and out could love a monster like me. I struggle to understand every day, sometimes I think you’d be better off without me. I am filth compared to your innocence and beauty. I look into our children’s eyes and see the same purity reflecting off their eyes. How lucky they are to have you as a parent, to learn about love, acceptance, and family. All things completely foreign to me until I met you. How can I teach the children these things, when I myself still have so much to learn?

  I get so scared, my love. Scared that I won’t be able to protect you all. Scared that I do not deserve this life. Scared that I will somehow hurt you or the children. I had my mind made up that my presence was a downfall to this family and would degrade us all into the grime and dysfunction I know all too well. I fear it is all I know and that I will always be drawn to it like a flii to bantha fodder.

Despite my fears, I can never leave you. I love you too much and I need you now more than ever. I remember once threatening to leave you before because I felt like you were better off without me. You told me that wasn’t my decision to make for you, and I don’t think I ever told you just how much that resonated with me. My whole life has been others’ making decisions for me and me being forced to go along with it. Here I was doing the same thing to you, something I never wanted you to experience. It horrified me and I pledged to do better for you, for myself, for our children.

I am so sorry you fell in love with someone as despicable as me. I wish I were not who I am. Every day I can only try to do my best and show you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I wish I could give the entire galaxy to you, for us to both rule and unite. I know that is not what you want, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still day dream about it sometimes.

I don’t think I will ever be brave enough to give you this letter, but it has been a good feeling for me to get these feelings out somehow without using violence.

                                      Yours forever and always,

                                                       Maul

You held the note to your chest and held back tears, finally succumbing to them and just letting yourself cry. Hot tears rolled down your face, you were overcome with emotion, bursting at the seams with love and saudade. At once, you heard a door creak behind you. You had been so zoned into the letter you had completely lost track of your surroundings. You felt a slight panic at first from the noise, but then figured it may be one of the children up to go to the fresher or ask for a snack. Wiping your eyes, slowly you turned, and saw a tall dark cloaked figure in the doorway to the office. Highlights of ruby red could be seen through the shadows and you knew at once who it was.

“Maul!” you jumped out of the leather office chair like there were springs attached to your feet, entirely forgetting the open letter still sitting on his desk. You ran over to him so fast it felt like you were flying. You wrapped your arms around his neck in a long overdue embrace.

“My love, I am still dirty from my travels, I do not want to get my grime onto your perfect pristine self.” His voice was low and calm, just as you had remembered it and he smelled like blaster fire, ozone, sweat, and petrol.

“Oh I don’t care I missed you too much to ever care about that.” you didn’t let go as you spoke softly into his ear, “I was so worried. I...I thought maybe something had happened.”

He backed away shaking his head looking directly into your eyes with his alluring golden eyes, “No. No my sweets. I will always return to you. Always. No matter what.” 

With that he wrapped his hands around your waist so hard it drew the breath from your lungs and he lifted you off the ground walking slowly towards the ‘fresher. You held on tight, not worried about him dropping you, but simply to get closer to your lovelorn partner, drinking in his scent and making a mental note to store away this memory forever in your mind, to get you through future dark days.

He gently sat you atop the counter in the fresher as he began to peel off his bloody, singed, and greasy clothes. You didn’t have the patience to sit and watch so you began to help him, slowly lifting his shirt over his head, examining his gorgeous red skin for more wounds and tracing your hands along the old scars and tattoos that adorned his unique skin. He gently took your hand and held it up to his lips for a small kiss. You smiled sheepishly and he took your face into his calloused and strong hands and looked at you like he needed to study your face for a quiz on all your features.

“I missed you so much,” he said low and gravelly.

“I’m so happy you’re home, Maul.” you turned your cheek to kiss his hand, and he finished undressing to get into the shower. You lost yourself in a daze, watching his hands run soap and water over his naked form to wash off all the debris of his last hunt. You never even had to ask if he was successful anymore, he was always successful.

With a sudden jolt, you remembered you left the letter open on his desk.

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom, sweety.” you winked at him and started to walk out.

“(Y/n), I already know you read the letter you don’t need to try and hide the evidence.” Maul’s bright yellow eyes cut into your soul and you remembered he could read your mind.

“Oh, I wish you wouldn’t read my mind like that.” you pouted.

“Sweets, you left it out on my desk. I saw it when I walked in to hug you. It doesn’t take a mind reader to use context clues.” he laughed and you didn’t even care that he was teasing you, seeing him laugh and smile was the best sight in the galaxy.

“I’m sorry I read it. I..shouldn’t have. I should not have gone through your things, that was wrong.” your eyes got big to show your remorse at the decision. He stayed silent and you panicked at the thought of him being upset with you. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“Hmmm… well. You did go through my things without asking. And read a highly classified document, I’m not sure if I can forgive you. I wonder if there’s some way you could make it up to me?” He was now climbing out of the shower and toweling himself off, with a sly smirk on his face. You rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand to lead him into the bedroom.

His eyes never leave your elegant figure and you slowly begin to undress, dropping your long robe to the bedroom floor, but still wearing your thin black nightie. He delicately throws you on the bed and gets ready to climb on top of you, his own figure still slightly wet from the shower, when a clatter is heard from down the hall. Maul whips his head around to look at the door behind him with his killer instincts, your head peeking out to the side of his.

“Shhh… I think daddy’s home.” a small voice from outside the bedroom followed by a gentle knock at the door. Maul growled so lowly that only you could hear it. Your eyes grew big and you threw your robe at Maul to cover up with as the door handle slowly rotated and two orange and yellow faces peered out from the darkness of the hallway. The sight of Maul excited them beyond measure and they ran to tackle him now wearing your fancy robe. There was nothing but laughter, happy tears, smiles, and warm embraces. It was the most beautiful family moment you could ever think of having in your life and you truly did not want it to end...mostly. 

No use in lying to yourself, you could not wait to get Maul all to yourself again for even just a little bit.

***************

tags: @wolfpack-arts-industries99​, @pinkiemme​

[synchronmurmurs]

Not sure of you're still doing HC, but even if you aren't I still want to hear your response. How nervous would Vergil Nero and Dante be to hold their newborn daughter (We all know the baby's 110% a daddy's girl)? (Let's say for Nero he's not with Kyries because I personally think that would add to the nervousness. I also feel like Vergil would be extra nervous to hold a new innocent life after all the death he's caused) Bonus: How nervous would Nero be to hold his newborn baby sister?

I can’t say that I actually get requests for HCs often, even back when more extensive requests were open, but I’ll do my best with this one nonnie. That isn’t to say requests ARE open right now though, I’m gonna do this one because I’m a touch ahead of my writing... for now. 😶💦 And also this is really cute 😭

I hope this works for you, nonnie! Enjoy! 💖

Dante

Probably never thought this day would come

Probably took him a while to even be convinced he had the capacity to love someone as much as he does his S/O

But that’s a whole other thing

I don’t see Dante as being too worried about holding his newborn. He has definitely come to terms with adjusting his physical strength as needed.

But he’s still really tender

It’s a touch morbid but he thinks he understands Eva’s need to head out into danger to look for Vergil a little better now

That’s the love a parent has for their child

And god he would do anything for this tiny little dumpling

It also makes him a little sad though. He doesn’t cry, but he does feel something well up inside him

The first thing he does when he and S/O head back home though, is show the baby to Eva’s photo.

Yes, showing the baby to Eva, and not showing Eva to the baby

“God, you’d love her.”

Vergil

Now this guy is 100% nervous

He doesn’t think he holds any real right to be a father, much less hold his own child

I mean it took him literal months for him to properly talk to Nero

And even though Nero turned out just fine, he had nothing to do with it

He genuinely thinks he can’t raise a kid

It’s different from Dante, who’s merely really goofy about it

Vergil just straight up doesn’t know how, and doesn’t think he can learn

“Hold your baby.” “I can’t.” “Yes you can.” “I can’t--” “Put your arms out.”

And then suddenly he has a baby in his arms

He goes completely still. Completely rigid. Like if he so much as even breathes, something will go wrong

100000000% cries, y’all can pry this from my COLD DEAD HANDS

Doesn’t sob, but just has tears well up in his eyes, and he starts to shake a lil’ bit

Dante reassures him with a little pat on his shoulder

“If you’re crying about it, you’re gonna do just fine................ you pissbaby”

Dante walks out of the hospital holding a bag of ice to his eye. 😔

Nero

Probably the most casual of the three, and I think that’s attributed to the fact that of the three of them, Nero was actually shown some level of love and care during his formative years

Like yeah, Fortuna hated him, but his foster parents didn’t. Neither did Credo or Kyrie. And I think that played a super important part in shaping him into who he is?

But this is also neither here nor there

He definitely accepts fatherhood the easiest imo, and that’s in part because he already has so much experience with kids

A newborn is a whole new challenge, but Nero rises to meet that really well and even... sorta naturally too?

I don’t think there’s much else for me to say about this

Nero’s just Good At It™

Kind of puts the other two to shame tbh

The Bonus

Branching off from the above, I don’t think he’s nervous at all

Maybe a little bit weirded out that there’s such a significant age gap between him and his new sister, but that’s about it

Treats her as family pretty much immediately

A sibling also helps bridge the gap between father and son incredibly well

Gives pointers on fatherhood, not out of any sense of spite, but out of a genuine desire to help his struggling father

“Yeah just keep your elbow like that, helps support her neck a bit better is all. Perfect. See? You can do it.”

😭😭😭😭😭 Nero is such a good sonboy omg I love him...

[bndz]

(normani kordei, twenty-two, cisfemale, she/her) * hey, i’m looking for the office of adrianna king. they’re the intern who’s known around the office as the airhead, if that helps? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re humorous but talkative, is that true? i also heard that they’re the one who brought her pet fish to work. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

&  i’m  back  at  it  again  with  another  character  !  it  me  ,  tay  !  i  have  another  child  &  her  name  is  adri  .  she’s  my  bubbly  little  baby  &  i  love  her  chatty  ass  down  !  i  have  some  points  about  her  below  &  i  am  so  excited  that  i  got  to  bring  her  here  .  tw  :  religion  ,  homophobia  ,  toxic  parents  &  mentions  of  physical  violence  .

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔  !

NAME   :    adrianna  king  . NICKNAMES  :  adri  . GENDER   :   cisfemale  . PRONOUNS   :   she  /  her  /  hers  . AGE   :   twenty-two  (  22  ) BIRTHDAY   :   23  september  . ZODIAC   :   libra  . HOMETOWN  :  miami  ,  florida  . CURRENT  RESIDENCE  : new york city  , new york  . ETHNICITY   :   african-american  . SEXUAL ORIENTATION   :   bisexual  . OCCUPATION  :   intern  .  (  the  art  department  ,  but  more  so  visual  art  )

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  !

FAMILY   :  born  &  raised  in  the  city  of  miami  ,  adri  grew  up  in  a  household  that  was  highly  religious  .  her  family  was  heavily  involved  in  the  church  with  her  mother  also  being  a  pastor  herself  .  because  of  this  ,  her  parents  were  very  strict  &  super  controlling  .  they  monitored  almost  everything  surrounding  adri  since  she  was  their  only  child  ,  trying  to  prevent  anything  they  deemed  negative  &  wrong  to  consume  their  daughter  .  

this  caused  for  adri  to  at  first  obey  them  because  she  was  a  child  ,  but  as  she  reached  her  teenage  years  she  saw  how  toxic  her  parents  could  actually  be  .  they  were  the  definition  of  religious  hover  parents  &  it  was  slowly  starting  to  cause  adri  to  resent  them  .  they  would  spend  hours  lecturing  her  if  she  wore  something  they  thought  was  inappropriate  .  they  would  call  her  names  &  say  she  was  being  fast  for  her  age  .  they  would  tell  her  she  was  going  to  go  to  hell  if  she  didn’t  listen  to  the  word  of  god  .  

it  all  came  to  blows  when  adri  was  figuring  out  her  sexuality  .  all  her  life  she  was  told  that  liking  the  same  sex  was  wrong  ,  but  she  was  having  feelings  for  the  same  sex  .  at  first  she  felt  internalized  homophobia  ,  but  as  she  started  to  grow  into  her  own  person  &  renounce  the  teachings  that  were  drilling  into  her  head  ,  she  started  to  accept  herself  .  she  knew  that  her  parents  were  going  to  condemn  her  ,  so  she  didn’t  ever  plan  on  coming  out  until  she  moved  out  .  sadly  ,  her  father  did  a  random  check  of  her  phone  &  found  texts  that  she  didn’t  delete  to  a  girl  she  was  dating  at  the  time  .  it  was  literally  a  shit  show  in  the  king  household  .  slaps  &  many  sessions  of  trying  to  pray  the  gay  away  later  ,  adri  had  to  pretend  as  though  she  was  not  bisexual  .  she  had  to  break  up  with  her  girlfriend  &  was  removed  from  public  school  to  be  home  schooled  at  sixteen  .   to  say  she  hated  her  parents  was  an  understatement  .  

as  the  years  went  on  ,  adrianna  was  counting  down  the  days  until  she  could  be  off  to  college  .  during  her  senior  year  she  applied  to  the  furthest  schools  from  miami  .  she  had  to  beg  her  parents  to  let  her  attend  an  out  of  state  college  ,  but  because  her  act  at  home  was  convincing  ,  they  allowed  her  to  stay  with  her  aunt  in  new  york  to  attend  college  .  they  were  still  going  to  be  as  controlling  as  ever  ,  but  it  was  a  step  closer  towards  freedom  .

SCHOOL   :  adrianna  attended  hofstra  university  &  majored  in  art  .  while  she  was  in  grade  school  ,  adrianna  gravitated  towards  painting  because  it  was  the  best  way  for  her  to  get  what  she  was  feeling  out  .  attending  college  was  the  best  thing  for  her  .  although  her  aunt  was  as  strict  &  religious  as  her  parents  ,  she  used  college  as  a  way  to  wild  out  .  she  was  sneaking  out  easier  because  her  aunt  worked  overnight  shifts  as  an  rn  .  she  was  enjoying  the  ounce  of  freedom  that  she  had  even  if  her  family  was  on  her  neck  24  /  7  .  she  had  a  lot  of  pressure  to  graduate  &  get  a  job  ,  so  that  she  could  live  on  her  own  &  she  knew  that  the  arts  wasn’t  the  best  major  to  find  a  joke  as  quickly  as  she  wanted  .  but  graduation  came  quick  &  adri  was  literally  scrambling  .

MASTER’S  :  after  college  ,  adri  was  literally  running  all  over  nyc  trying  to  look  for  a  job  .  it  took  her  months  to  finally  land  a  job  interview  at  master’s  &  she  honestly  thought  she  flopped  .  when  she  got  the  position  as  an  intern  she  was  literally  over  the  moon  .  she  absolutely  loves  working  at  master’s  &  she’s  hoping  she  can  move  up  the  ranks  .  being  that  she’s  new  at  the  position  ,  she’s  trying  her  best  to  fit  in  &  get  things  done  in  a  timely  manner  .  she  does  struggle  a  bit  because  it’s  her  first  big  girl  job  ,  but  she’s  working  on  it  day  by  day  .

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !

BUBBLY   :  you  could  easily  describe  her  as  someone  that  lights  up  the  room  with  her  smile  alone  .  adrianna  is  super  cheerful  &  very  positive  majority  of  the  time  .  she  has  a  hint  of  pep  in  her  voice  that  almost  sounds  like  she  talks  with  a  smile  &  she  usually  does  .  she  just  loves  to  talk  &  interact  with  others  .

FLIRTATIOUS  :  due  to  her  personality  ,  adrianna  is  naturally  friendly  &  flirtatious  .  she  will  flirt  with  ya  boo  &  it  won’t  even  be  intentional.  that’s  just  who  she  is  .  some  may  call  her  a  thottie  because  she  does  live  her  best  hot  girl  life  ,  but  she  truly  does  not  care  .  she  does  what  she  wants  because  she’s  poppin’  !  (  see connections  for  some  mess  surrounding  this  trait  )

TALKATIVE   :  honestly  ,  she  will  never  shut  up.  she  talks  very  fast  &  says  a  lot  &  it  can  also  be  alot  .  she  just  loves  to  talk  y’all  .  she  will  talk  anybody’s  ear  off  who  will  listen  .  she  can’t  help  it  .

DITZY   :   def’  has  her  moments  where  she’s  super  lost  .  it  takes  her  a  few  seconds  to  understand  jokes  sometimes  &  can  def’  lose  her  train  of  thought  as  well  .  she  can  be  a  little  dumb  ,  but  she’s  just  all  over  the  place  .  somebody  help  her  ,  please  ! 

in  general  she’s  like  a  bimbo  ,  but  not  to  the  worst  degree  .  she’s  v  aware  &  just  has  her  moments  .  she  doesn’t  like  when  people  try  to  be  condescending  towards  her  because  of  her  personality  ,  so  she  can  get  a  little  defensive  &  snappy  when  pushed  to  that  degree  .  it  takes  her  a  lot  to  snap  ,  so  i  doubt  she  will  be  popping  off  unless  she  is  truly  offended  .  she’s  also  not  that  confrontational  ,  but  if  she  has  to  defend  herself  ,  she  will  .  (  she  lowkey  can  get  creative  tbh  )  she’s  just  here  to  befriend  people  ,  okay  !

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !

001  .  enemies  .  i  feel  like  because  she’s  genuinely  nice  it  would  have  to  be  a  huge  reason  for  her  to  dislike  someone  .  so  ,  pick  your  poison  . 002  .  friends  with  benefits  .  we  always  love  these  ,  don’t  we  ?  she’s  with  all  the  shits  ,  okay  .  head  hot  girl  at  your  service  ! 003  .  exes  .  not  to  be  that  garbage  bag  ,  but  i’m  pretty  positive  adrianna  probably  cheated  on  all  of  her  exes  due  to  boredom  .  she  is  someone  that  needs  change  in  her  life  bc  of  how  she  was  treated  at  home  .  if  she  feels  stagnant  ,  she  will  just  pull  some  bs  like  cheating  &  move  on  to  the  next  .  truly  her  biggest  flaw  &  someone  gotta  smite  her  ass  for  this  fr  ! 004  .  besties  .  someone  give  her  a  baddie  bff  pls  ! 005  .  a  work  boo  .  v  self  explanatory  . 006  .  a  muse  .  since  adri  likes  to  paint  ,  this  could  be  someone  that inspires  her  artwork  or  even  let’s  her  paint  them  on  occasion  . again  ,  i  am  terrible  at  thinking  of  connections  ,  so  i’m  down  for  all  the  plots  !

𝒇𝒖𝒏  𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔  !

001  .  she  is  type  one  diabetic  . 002  .  is  a  huge  bad  bunny  stan  . 003  .  a  bratz  doll  collector  . 004  .  is  into  art  &  loves  to  paint  . 005  .  her  guilty  pleasure  is  watching  bad  girls  club  .