#team silly will and can send you directly to hell

[brosif40]

rare pokemon sword team art

[incarnateirony]

Hi! I’m only asking this as an anon because I don’t really want my name out there. But just fyi, I totally believe u and I’ve gone through ur blog and seen that everything you’ve said has turned out to be true so I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the Winchesters info. I’m pretty sure from what I’ve gathered through ur blog that u work in the industry, but not directly with Warner Brothers? So just wondering how you’ve gotten so much info about the Winchesters? It’s totally cool if u don’t want to answer, I was just curious. I’m pretty ignorant on how the tv industry works. And also, do u know how many seasons the Winchesters is supposed to go for? Or at least what they’re aiming for? And is it leading into something else like a sequel or a reboot?? I mean obvs they’re gonna reboot SPN eventually, but is this directly leading to it? I’m really enjoying the show so far so I’m just curious.

Frankly, it came by several angles. Initial sending went one way. Followup additions went by another source. The script for net4 draft was found publicly. Fandom proposed it was fake, but minding the initial send, and previously available information included like the arenas I've talked about--as well as basic info like when drafts are submitted or sent out for order--well. You recognize shit and can see the authenticity stamps, and when you have older drafts on hand, there's certain shit you can't fake.

So there's that. One thing I've been clear about: I am not from Vancouver filming. At all. If anything Vancouver was lowkey enemy territory of Atlanta, due to the whole... WB pickapart of TBS, the ship out to New York, the pedowitz installation and then bulking out shows to Canada. So like. On that front, it's like a blood walking into crip territory. Like I know the game but I am DEFINITELY outside my perimeter. So on that front. You keep your head low and you know how to navigate.

My SPN attuned sources are, by and large (with a few new exceptions) separate from my industry sources. I fully admit I weaseled my way through things for years. I made very calculated decisions that seemed minor at the time, often unnoticed.

I was ripped up into a shitstorm on day one that fell me into an ITK group of old. It quickly educated me on a lot of fandom issues and contacts and information. Then TAW hit, and I got ripped further up the chain and tapped for information and reports. And then TAW kept hitting, but you guys never found out, because I was busting my ass, you're welcome. All those squabbles with "Castiel's Angels" or Lineage weren't just silly fandom drama, that was playing Pin The Travis Hydra Heads. For about 3 years, every 3 months or so we had a travis incident, and I'd have to shove out new reports which, tldr, basically went to misha's legal team, and no, I'm not going to break down how or where.

You guys saw public bickering with front accounts of his. Maybe you even saw the doxxing website. Hell, maybe you're one of the unfortunate dozen or so people that ended up on it. But you know what? Big Scawwy Awmy Man Twavis only updated one person's listing to Armed And Dangerous. People stopped knocking my mailbox down. And that was AFTER he was already mad enough to Fuck Around And Find Out, because he was already blacklisted, because the dumbfuck pissed his pants on my facebook where facebook will helpfully first degree his bullshit to names like Hilfigers. Great job, douchecanoe, you played yourself.

throughout I also made outreach efforts. Yes, I did message authors. Yes, I do know at least two have followed my youtube for years. yes, I know several read my blog and even refer to my mythos meta. Yes, I stayed involved with Wayward, and author support, and listened closely to what they said or didn't say, and took my chances to speak with them, and be known to them, and be a welcoming face of the fandom that loves their theology as much as their fight for ships. To listen to their love for each other, to treat them like humans, to learn who they admire in the room, and how that room works.

And over that time, after giving that help, I was asked for other help. Like author mute lists. Or actor danger watch lists to give to their security company.

And again randos will be like RECEIPTS. bitch i don't care, i didn't screenshot me sending off the importable excel file, just fuckin' deal with it. [gestures vaguely at Mark P teleporting out and disappearing from cons at an increasing rate] dude's busy now. Totes coincidence. Nothing to do with a recent explosion. He and his lawyers assure you.

...Anyway.

That's separate from what I've told of myself in the past--I have innate Atlanta history. Really it's more of the gulf, I just talk about Atlanta most because that's where I got fired out towards and where the real engine is. Technically I got scooped up in houston, yeeted out to Atlanta and bounced around with various projects. I mostly hovered in the music industry but my personal work ended up market testing near to TPS, and via a fella i now call big bro that this fandom loves to deny exists, my pasty ass got adopted into a black entertainment community, by a long series of dominos I don't feel like re-unpacking in this post.

That said, if you review the long history of the fall of TBS to WB's vulture picking I've posted about, just shuffle me in there. I'm not gonna get terribly more specific but put a bullseye roughly in that ring of the gulf and that market, and assume the majority of my connections are there (with exception to a designer that moved up to New York and did some other work after I walked and an independently developed relationship with the Arrowstorm company by other means, so randomly, Also Utah, Because Life Reasons.)

Now look at the names behind Nexstar's leadership. Now look at TBS. Look at Dennis Miller, former creative under Ted Turner. Turner Broadcasting System. Look at Schwartz, talking about Tyler Perry nonstop. Look at the Assembly, look at all the stuff I been talking about, look at my talk about IAC, meredith etc etc [continues to gesture off in that direction]

Basically, the sources are many. The industry flow/stations/syndicates/affiliates/channel purchase/business/blahblah is like. One side of the lane. Make that column A. Column B is "holy fuck how did I get sucked up into this Vancouver clusterfuck LET ME OUT oh well might as well run some useful messages."

Also along the way I also do collect random shit. Sometimes fans just know I have a lot of info, and find something, and figure it might fit into the giant fuckin vault I'm hiding in the back and help us all piece out something. Like I won't lie, that happens a lot. Because sometimes you can have 95% of the puzzle but just the right pieces are missing, and someone trips and falls on the one that helps you figure the rest out.

No leaker or industry person ever has 100% insight just from a pipeline. It's something I talk about with people like Wiki, or Manchin back in the day. They get very overconfident with their new shiny badges and don't understand how their data is filtered, how most information is need to know, that the editing department doesn't get news about market testing, that the tech consultant doesn't get full modern scripts or advanced news on major elements that they're trying to keep tight, etc. But they all love to blabber to other equally unqualified idiots, which is how you get pipelines of "there's no market testing, (coffee runner) said so" "Berens has no intent, (coffee runner) said so." "The script is fake, (coffee runner) said so." Then like oops debunker proved it oops berens self proved it OOPS. OOPS THE PILOT AIRED AND THEY TRIPPED WITH THEIR OWN SCRIPT AND WERE EVEN LYING. WEIRD.

The older and more versed you are in the fuckeries of media, the more critical you are of sources, because even high sources can be limited in perspective from, say, the business angle you're coming from.

So I take a little from Column A, a little from Column B, I apply my compendium of industry knowledge and common sense, and slip in a little bit of Option C when it's slid on, and there you go, you have a self-critical and self-supporting 3-pillar structure to sort through extremely complicated truths in.

Beyond that, things like the filming I find is a mix. Like, IG exists. But I also worked in the area so I know which IATSE groups to follow even if people aren't technically listed yet, because they might free up on one job and wander in to replace a colleague in another, then of course there's the ones that you can find if you know the IATSE group. Like, the average fan doesn't give a fuck about the Electrician or Set Dresser, but I Fucking Do. So basically, take that as more "I know a few of these guys, trained a few of the guys that trained these guys, I know the neighborhood, I know how to waddle around and find shit."

Hope that helps.

(Congrats now you know why I he-haw at 2po's twice-badly-interpreted M&Gs that he self-proved as bullshit. amazing sources buddy.)

Oh and there's other random what the fuck hows, like eugenie's cousin being a friend of mine on a fluke, or the fact that i accidentally and unknowingly married sera gamble's second cousin and didn't realize it until I had to mail a package and shit my pants. Eventually you just get so tangled up in this shit you're like a fly in a spiderweb. I don't fuckin know why. My soul is attached to this show for some goddamn reason, there's no getting out. For a while I was the opposite of that LET ME IN guy. LET ME OUUUUUUUUUUUT. But I decided now that the battle is over and we won I'm just gonna lay on the floor while the assholes burn and take it all in. I done my duty and beyond.

[justauthoring]

Then, The Moment Came

Prompt: It just never was the right time. Not then, not later, until it suddenly is and everything’s... different. Requested by: no one.

A/N: The Atsumu debut on my account has finally happened. And yes, this is very loosely, loosely based off of A Silent Voice because I literally cannot get it out of my head. Oh, and I love soulmates au’s. Pairing: Atsumu Miya x F!Reader

A hard shove to your shoulders sends you to the ground with a huff, pain radiating through your being as you huff.

There’s jeering laughs that echo, hurtful enough that you don’t say anything, don’t try to stand up for yourself -- instead, you keep your head down, hair falling into your eyes as you bite your lips to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. 

It’s not even the shove, or the pain that follows, that has tears welling. 

They hurt so much less then...

“You’re just a freak,” Atsumu spits at you, “no wonder no one likes you.”

Atsumu Miya, ten years old, and he absolutely hates you. Why, you have absolutely no idea. It’s been like this ever since you moved into the house across the street from him, walked into his class that one fateful day, and introduced yourself. 

You’d felt his glare on your back as you took the seat in front of him, and when you’d turned to face him, a harsh kick at the leg of your chair had you freezing in surprise.

You’d never spoken to him. Never directly. But after school that first day, he’d found you on your way home, tripped you so hard you skinned your knee, and laughed as he walked off. 

Then, just as he went to turn, his twin beside him, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else; Atsumu had turned to you, a glint in his eyes. “You’re just a freak. No wonder no one likes you.”

It just never really ended after that.

But when you got home that day, brushing your mothers concerned hands away as she reached for your knee, you’d sat on your bed and looked at your arm only to see those exact same words.

Those cruel, cruel words, and wondered, how unlucky you must be to have a soulmate that hates you.

-

“Do you want to go to the game tonight?”

You blink, pulled from your thoughts at the sound of Misaki’s words. With a drawl, lips pulled downwards, you turn to her with a quirked brow. “No.” You say simply, shaking your head.

“Come on,” she huffs, head falling into the palms of her hands with a huff, “you never want to go to anything.”

You sigh. “That’s not true. I let you drag me lots of places.”

“You do not.”

“I do too.”

She pouts at you, lips pursed, eyes set into a teasing glare as she takes another bite out of her lunch. “Our volleyball team is supposed to be so good, though,” she whines, trying to appear nonchalant (though very much failing), as she lets her eyes wander on anything but you. “One of the best, actually. They make it to nationals every year and--”

“And they have their own cheer squad,” you cut in, “good for them.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

She just glares at you.

“If you want to go so bad, take one of your other friends,” you shrug, brushing her off. “I’m not your only friend.”

“Yes, but you’re my best friend,” she smiles, sickly sweet, all bright eyed and twinkling and you sigh, once again, at the look she sends you. “And I only want to go with you.”

Staring at her for a moment, you laugh; “you’re good.”

And her eyes brighten, hope flooding them; “you’ll go, then?”

“I never said that.” She deflates, “but... sure.”

“Eeee~!” She jumps to a stand, reaching across the table to grab your hands, shaking them with a bright laugh. “Yes, yes, yes! You won’t regret this, Y/N/N, we’re going to have so much fun!”

I’m sure, you can’t help but think. It’ll be so fun to watch him show off.

And even though you don’t say it aloud, Misaki seems to just know.

“Atsumu-san will be there too.”

“He is apart of the team.”

“Maybe you could even try to--”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” you cut in, voice sharp, maybe a little more sharp then you mean to be. At the look Misaki sends you, you frown at the guilt that floods you, the hurt look in her eyes, before softening your voice. “Atsumu hates me, Saki. I’ve told you this.”

“But-But that was when you were kids--!”

“And he hasn’t talked to me since.”

Her shoulders fall, and she doesn’t argue after that.

Inhaling deeply, you reach across the table, taking her hand in your own like she had moments ago, though gently and squeeze it softly. It pulls her eyes on you, and smiling gently, you add; “I appreciate you, Saki, and what you’re trying to do. And I love that you want me to be happy, but I don’t need my soulmate to be.”

“You say that,” she frowns, “but you hardly ever smile...”

And she says the words softly, carefully, not wanting to hurt you, but you can’t ignore the pang in your heart at her words. Your hand slips from hers as the words repeat in your mind, and you think of all those years ago, the constant, relentless, cruel teasing that you’d endured from the person that was meant to be your one and only.

You realize, Misaki’s completely right -- you weren’t happy. And it was silly to pretend that you were.

“Yeah, well,” you whisper, and it’s like ironic and cruel perfect timing that has Atsumu walking into the lunchroom at that exact moment, surrounded by his friends, laughing. He hasn’t a care in the world, head thrown back with a laugh as passing girls flock towards him.

“That doesn’t matter to him.”

-

“Damn you, Misaki.”

Huffing out the words, followed by a curse, as yet another call to your best friend is all but ignored, you grit your teeth.

Where the hell could she have gone?

One second she was right beside you, laughing and cheering as Inarizaki took an already expected win. And then you’d run to go to the bathroom for a minute, only to find the girl had absolutely disappeared on you. Seriously, she was no where. And it didn’t help that the gym was absolutely flooded with other people that you couldn’t properly see anyone.

“I swear to Kami, Misaki, when I find--”

“--Are you okay?”

You freeze. 

No. Please, anyone but him.

A hand falls on your shoulder, spinning you round and of course, it is him; Atsumu Miya in all his glory, smiling down at you. And then, as you meet his gaze, his own falters, and his brows furrow and the next words that leave his lips sting more then they probably should.

“Y/N? Y/L/N Y/N?” He laughs, shaking his head, “I didn’t know you went to Inarizaki.”

Yeah, ouch.

You’ve only been in the same school as him since literally elementary.

But apparently, after he got bored of bullying you, he also got bored of acknowledging your presence at all.

You don’t say anything, you can’t. Words feel like they’re lodged at the back of your throat, and it suddenly feels like you can’t breathe. All the people feel like too much all of a sudden, and you’re desperate to get away. You’ll apologize to Misaki later, but you need to leave. You turn, moving to run off, because you just want to get out of there, but then, he reaches for you and--

“Don’t touch me!”

People stop, pausing for a moment at your booming voice, all eyes on you as Atsumu pulls back like you’ve physically slapped him, shock clear on his face.

And then you turn, once more, and walk off before he can say anything else.

You don’t see the frown on his face, don’t see the way he glances down at his arm, nor the realization that dawns on him then and there.

-

“You just left me.”

“Technically you left me first.”

“Suna-kun wanted to talk to me.”

“Then, it’s your fault.”

“How is it my fault?”

Pausing, you turn to Misaki; “I sent you a text.”

She blinks at you. “I thought you’d been kidnapped! Or worse, killed!”

“Now, you’re being dramatic.”

“Y/N/N!”

Pausing by your locker, you turn to her; “I’m sorry, I just... I had to get--”

“Y/N!”

What in the world--

“Is that--”

“I know who it is, Saki.”

“Okay,” she breathes, “why is he walking our way? Why is he calling for you?”

“I don’t know!” You stress, turning to her with wide, panicked eyes. “Hide me!”

“How in the world am I--”

“Y/N,” Atsumu smiles, finally reaching you.

You freeze.

Misaki stares at you, then Atsumu, then, with a light nudge, turns; “w-well,” she laughs, “I should really get going. Have fun, you two!” And she promptly ignores the absolutely terrified look you send her.

You’re so going to kill her.

Later. Definitely later, when you manage to escape Atsumu, somehow, yet again--

“I’m so glad I found you.”

Turning to him, you swallow thickly.

“I tried to find you yesterday, but I couldn’t and I got scared that--”

“What do you want.”

You’re blunt, more blunt then you mean to be. But you don’t want this mindless chatter, whatever it means, and you’re absolutely desperate to get away that you don’t even care if talking like that makes him mad. You used to deal with it as a kid all the time anyways, so...

“Well, I just wanted to catch up,” he laughs, lightly, a little too airy. Is he... nervous? “We haven’t talked since we were kids, so--”

“You mean when you used to bully me?”

You have no idea where this confidence is coming from.

“I’d hardly call it bullying--”

“I used to come home in bruises because of you,” you whisper, avoiding his gaze as you hug yourself. You’re uncomfortable. You want to leave, you need to leave. “Anyways, it doesn’t matter. I have to--”

He grabs you, your entire body going cold at the feeling of his fingers wrapping around your arm. On one hand, it’s like you can feel... this electric shiver run through your entire being and you figure it’s because of this supposed connection the two of you are supposed to have. But on the other hand, it fills you with such terror, that you almost want to cry.

“I didn’t know.”

But his words makes all that go away, and instead you’re just confused.

“What?”

“I didn’t know that we were... you know.”

Blinking, you finally meet his gaze head on. “How could you have not known?”

“You... You never said anything.”

Shaking your head, you rip your arm from his grasp. “That day, when I introduced myself--”

“You weren’t talking to me,” he argues, “not directly, at least. And you were always so quiet when I’d...-- But then, yesterday, when I grabbed you, well--” He holds his hand out towards you, and sure enough the words written on his arm are:

don’t touch me!

So, apparently he never did know.

It doesn’t change anything. How could it?

Him not knowing doesn’t excuse bullying you. Doesn’t erase everything he did.

It could never.

“What to know what my words are?” Practically yanking the sleeve of your sweater up your arm, you thrust it towards Atsumu, gaze harsh. And his eyes slowly flicker downwards, frowning as he reads the words.

You’re just a freak. No wonder no one likes you.

And the stupid guilty look on his face pisses you off even more.

“I want nothing to do with you,” you spit, “so just leave me alone.”

-

What the hell is Atsumu Miya doing at your front door.

“I was hoping you still lived here.”

Pausing, you sigh. “You don’t give up do you?”

Grinning, Atsumu rubs the back of his neck, “unfortunately not.”

Sighing, you let your hand fall on your hip, tilting your head to the side curiously. “So what, you know I’m your soulmate now and you want to walk me to school?”

There’s a nervous smile on his face, one that seems odd on him, as he laughs lightly. “Yeah?”

Rolling your eyes, you brush past him, “whatever.”

But he follows, and you don’t argue.

-

“Let me grab those for you!”

With a blink, the stack of textbooks in your hands is suddenly gone and in another’s. You sigh when you meet Atsumu’s familiar gaze.

“You don’t have to do that, Miya-san.”

“I want to,” he shrugs simply, and you pointedly ignore Misaki’s laugh from beside you. “And, it’s Atsumu.”

“What?”

He meets your eyes, smiling; “call me Atsumu.”

Misaki nudges you with her elbow, pulling your gaze on her momentarily as she grins brightly. Sighing, you turn back to Atsumu, watching as he gently places the textbooks down in the locker you’d just opened. Turning to walk off with a grin, clearly proud of himself.

“Thank you, Miya-san.”

“Atsumu!” He calls over his shoulder.

“Well,” Misaki adds after a moment, “that was sweet~!”

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head. “Yeah, yeah.”

-

“I would like you to come to my game.”

Staring up at Atsumu, you blink.

“Please.”

Licking your lips, clasp your hands together behind your back; “won’t I be an embarrassment?”

“No.” And he says it quickly, barely letting you finish your sentence, adamantly shaking his head. “No, you could never.”

I used to be.

But you don’t say that.

“Okay,” you heed, hating the butterflies that flood your stomach at the bright grin that curls onto his lips. “I’ll think about it.”

“Yes!”

-

“Congratulations on the win, Atsumu-san.”

“Y/N/N, you came!”

It’s hard to fight back the blush that threatens to grow on your cheeks at the smile he sends you. Hard to ignore the way your heart flutters as he calls you by that stupid nickname that he’d picked up from Misaki. And hard to forget the way everything screams in you for him at the way his eyes sparkle as he looks down at you.

“Misaki dragged me,” you gesture behind yourself where you know your friend is, shaking your head at the bright grin she sends the two of you.

“Still,” he nods, eyes softening as he looks down at you; “you came.”

“Yes, well,” tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, suddenly feeling nervous, you shuffle on your feet. “I should be going now. Congratulations again on the--”

You don’t make it two steps before he’s wrapped a hand around your wrist, tugged you into him and slipped the other around your waist. You’re flush against him, a huff of surprise leaves your lips as you blink up at the boy, trying to ignore the way it feels like your body has ignited with electricity at just the simple touch of him.

And then his fingers are ghosting across your cheek, brushing back loose hair, and pulling your gaze solely on him, where you can’t seem to look away as everything just... fades away. The crowded gym suddenly feels empty, and everything is quiet as you stare up at him.

You also note that you feel at ease at his touch.

“I never said sorry.”

Lips parting, you swallow thickly; “it’s okay--”

“No, it isn’t,” he whispers, resting his forehead against your own, and it feels like you might melt right there at the feeling of his warm breath on you. “None of what I did was okay.”

“Atsumu...”

“I’m so sorry...”

You relax in his touch, hands moving to fall on his shoulders, where you squeeze, eyes falling to his lips before flickering back up to his own.

“It’s okay...”

“...I want to kiss you,” he whispers, voice gentle, nervous. “Is that okay?”

You nod, feeling the words slip out all on their own; “please.”

And he obliges and suddenly everything just makes sense, just works, and all that gushing Misaki used to go on about about how wonderful soulmates are you completely agree with. Having Atsumu so close, having his warm touch on you, having his lips molding against your own, barely a breaths away, feels so incredibly amazing and right that you wonder how you’d ever existed without him.

He makes up for it all then. None of it matters any more, not the teasing, not the pushing and shoving, nor the tears that would follow.

It’s all worth it for this one moment now.

-

a little ooc? maybe?

whoops.

[oliviajdjarin]

Chapter 13: An Understatement

Warnings: blaster fire and descriptions of battle, mentions of injuries, Mando gets pretty hurt and the reader is a wreck (as usual)

Author’s Note: Enjoy Chapter 13!

Mando’s POV

All Mando could think about was you.

Did you protect the child? There’s no way you leaked their info to the Empire and betrayed them, right? Were you dead?

Somehow, the third option scared him the most.

As if this could not get any worse, Moff Gideon opened his mouth yet again.

“I have just received word that you seem to have a very valuable asset on your side,” he said, and Mando knew exactly what he was getting at.

He was referring to you.

Mando’s mind raced a million miles a minute. The Empire were after you, and they had to know you had the child with them. You could hold your own, he knew that, but against an entire regime of soldiers?

Mando knew you would rather die than get the child caught, he would do the same thing, but he wanted you alive. That’s all he wanted.

“It’s ironic, really,” Moff continued. “You put your trust in the Empire to get away from the Empire.”

Moff Gideon could insult Mando all he wanted. He could insult his religion, his creed, his past, but something about him referring to you as “the Empire” when you had worked so hard to get away from it rubbed him in all the wrong ways.

You had helped Mando start to put his violent ways aside, but you weren’t here now, and Mando wanted to kill the Moff where he stood.

“It’s time you face the fact that she will return to where she belongs. My side. I hope her betrayal does not hurt your feelings too bad,” Moff said, and Cara scoffed.

Mando’s last button had been pushed.

“She didn’t betray us, Cara,” he said sternly, and Cara rolled her eyes.

“Oh, so you’re on her side? The Empire’s side?,” she responded, and Mando tried to keep his cool.

It wasn’t really working.

“We are on the same side,” Mando snapped back. “It’s time you realized that.”

You would not betray him. If you were any other person in the galaxy, Mando would start to give up now. But you showed him, in the very brief time you were together, that even people with the worst pasts can still have good hearts.

You made him feel like an idiot. Like a joke. He hadn’t genuinely cared for a person since his parents, but then the kid came along, and then you came along. It’s like the galaxy was showing him perfect prizes, but the game was impossible to win.

But the very worst part of it all, was that Mando was willing to try.

What had you done to him?

Your POV

To say this day did not go as planned was an understatement.

One second you are running for your life, the next you are being scooped up by a metal hand. It happened so fast you barely even had time to register you were lifted off the ground and placed onto a speeder bike.

Once you finally did register what had happened, you immediately thought it was the Empire’s doing, so you turned around and aimed your longspear at the driver.

“Please don’t,” the droid responded. “Me being dead would make this much worse for you.”

The nurse droid, you thought to yourself. From Kuiil’s house!

You were in such a haze of mourning and sadness those couple of days, you barely remembered meeting the droid. You even forgot it rode on the ship to this planet!

You relaxed a bit and lowered your longspear, smiling internally at the thought that a piece of Kuiil was still alive, but you didn’t put your guard down.

You hadn’t put your guard down in days, so it’s not like your overall body language changed that much.

You made sure the child was ok, and once your head finally cleared, you realized Mando was trying to reach you again.

“Kuiil, Y/N, somebody come in.”

The droid picked up the comm device before you could get it, and responded in a very monotoned voice.

“Kuiil has been terminated.”

That ought to make Mando feel better, won’t it, you thought to yourself.

You were going to take the comm device out of the droid’s hand, but you froze when you heard Mando’s tone of voice speaking through the comms again.

“What did you do?” he asked, and you swore you could hear the venom dripping from his mouth.

It always surprised you how scary Mando could really be when he tried.

“I am fulfilling my basic function,” the droid responded.

“Which is?” Mando asked.

“To nourish and protect.”

With that statement, the droid sped up the bike, and you held the child in your lap. He looked up at you with confused eyes, and you could tell he was asking why you weren’t going home.

“We are going to save him little guy,” you said with a stroke to his ear. “We will be home before you know it.”

You smiled lightly to yourself, and before you knew it, the speeder bike was roaring through the town and taking out every trooper in sight.

Blaster fire surrounded you and you tried to focus on what was ahead.

Mando was trapped…. But where?

Finally, you squinted your eyes and saw a regiment of soldiers ahead, and you knew Mando and the rest of the team were trapped inside the building.

“There!” you yelled, pointing to Mando’s cage, and the droid turned you and the child around for protection while he continued to fire.

It was slightly disorienting at first, because you honestly didn’t expect that to happen, but you felt better about the child’s safety.

This droid is no dummy, you thought to yourself. Kuiil did a good job.

Your heart pulled slightly at the thought of Kuiil, still laying out in the desert, but he would get his proper burial.

You just had to make sure Mando didn’t get one of those first.

The droid finally slowed down, and you took the opportunity to jump off the speeder bike and dive behind a pillar.

You got the child situated in your arms well enough so he could be protected, and started making your way out of your hiding spot.

You knew you couldn’t fight with the child in your arms, that’s just stupid, but you did reflect blaster shots from the troopers and took as many out as you could.

You had to start making your way to Mando somehow, but out of the corner of your eye, it seemed Mando was coming to you.

Mando charged out into the open with Karga on his tail, and he fired at will. He kicked and punched the troopers who were close enough to him, and you couldn’t help the smile that graced over your face at the sight of him.

You couldn’t see it, but Mando was smiling too.

You stuck close to the buildings surrounding you, slowly making your way around to where Karga was, but the chaos was insane. You could barely see where the shots were coming from, let alone where you were sending them.

You looked around to find some other way, but what you did see was way better.

Mando was running to a huge cannon, and you watched him rip it off the tripod and start firing it at the stormtroopers.

Your hopes were on the rise.

You saw a dark black death trooper place a detonator on the wall of Mando’s former cage, and you panicked when you realized Cara was still in there.

You started to make your way over there when the explosion hit, but you were far enough away so that you didn’t feel any wave from it.

You continued to make your way over to her.

Your senses were going so crazy, that you didn’t even feel Moff Gideon enter the scene.

What you did feel, however, was the pain Mando felt when the Moff fired a shot directly into his helmet.

It hurt like hell, and you heard Mando cry out in pain.

You turned back to where Mando was, and you saw him take aim at Moff with his canon.

This is it, you thought. Moff Gideon is dead.

You wish you hadn’t been trained in the force so well, because the very next thing you felt was the pride in Moff’s chest when he realized how to take Mando out.

Your eyes widened and panic struck you like lighting.

Moff is gonna kill him.

“Mando,” you screamed, but it was too late.

Moff Gideon had already fired at the generator next to Mando, and you had no choice but to dive for cover. You shielded the child with your body, and you were lucky enough to not feel the effects of the explosion.

But Mando felt it all.

When the dust cleared, you saw Cara dragging, his body back inside while Karga and IG-11 followed her in.

You didn’t care about anything in that moment. And if you would have known merely weeks ago that you would run across a battle field with no armour and a child in your arms, you would have smacked yourself silly.

But you did it anyways.

You made it to the door right before it closed, and you stopped in your tracks when you almost ran right into Cara’s gun.

It was pointed right at you.

“Get out,” she said, and you raised the hand not holding the child in surrender.

“Cara please,” you plead. You could see Mando laying on the floor behind her, and your heart was breaking.

He was badly injured. You could feel it.

“You can kick me out as soon as you’d like. I promise. Just let me see him,” you ask.

The tears were starting to cloud your vision and you tried not to let your voice crack. You didn’t want Cara to think you were trying to manipulate her.

But your Mandalorian was dying behind her.

“I promise,” you say, and she finally lowers your blaster.

“Thank you,” you respond, letting a breath out of your mouth as you do it, and you run to kneel beside Mando.

Of all the pain you’ve experienced in your life, you had learned a lot about it. You had learned that you personally deal better with pain when you have something to squeeze in your hand, like a pillow or the arm of a chair. You’ve learned that there are people in the world who enjoy making others feel pain, and no matter how many times you try, you just can’t understand why. You’ve learned that bacta shots work wonders for physical pain, but mental pain is almost impossible to numb.

But worse of all, you’ve learned that watching people you care for in pain is the worst pain in the world.

And this one hurt.

Tag list:

@leahkenobi @pinkninja200 @farfromjustordinary @440mxs-wife @bookloverfilmoholic

[fruitcoops]

Hey I was wondering if you could write something kinda angsty but with a pretty ending with the cubs, I’m trynna project getting stood up and turning it into something nice and good, even if it’s just in my head. No pressure but I just wanna smile for a bit and your work always makes me do so :)))

Hello lovely! I’m so sorry that you were stood up--that feels awful and whoever did it missed out on a wonderful person. I’ve combined this with some other asks in the same vein (y’all wanted my boys to hurt) so I hope you don’t mind. Sending love and hugs your way! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove​ <3

1. Bad mental health day for Finn + pushing himself too hard + passing out (ft. Bee anon!)

2. O’Knutzy boiling over with a fluffy ending

3. Insecure Leo

TW for internalized guilt, vaguely implied self-harm (pushing himself too hard at practice), and relationship arguments

Finn had a few bad habits. He left dirty dishes in the sink, could never remember which setting the laundry was supposed to go on, and barely wiped his shoes on the doormat before entering the house. He wasn’t proud of his flaws, but he acknowledged that everyone had some—as long as they didn’t hurt anybody, it wasn’t the end of the world.

This one…this one was different. Even Finn knew that.

He gritted his teeth for the next set of squats, ignoring the ringing in his ears and the climbing nausea in his gut. The chart only said to do three reps, but he had been beating himself up for slacking a set earlier in the week and decided to do five to make up for it.

That, it seemed, was a poor decision.

His thighs were shaking when he finally put the weight down and he leaned on the wall to stabilize himself. “Fish? You okay?” Logan asked from the yoga mat to his right, staring up at him in concern.

“I’m fine,” Finn lied. “Just straightened up too fast.”

“D’accord.” He could feel Logan’s eyes on his back as he left the gym and headed toward the showers.

Finn’s worst habit was taking care of himself, and it wasn’t something that could be explained away as “oh, silly Harzy” like the washing machine. He made a mental note to take some ibuprofen before driving home so he would be marginally less sore in the morning, but he had the sinking feeling it would be a rough practice the next day.

Remus and Talker were playing some sort of volleyball with an old balloon between their stalls when he entered; he missed getting nailed in the head by a narrow margin and waved off their apologies with a forced smile.

A hand closed around his bicep as he passed, snapping him back to reality as Leo’s bright eyes came into focus. “Hey, lovey, is Lo with you?”

“He’s finishing up.”

A small furrow appeared between Leo’s brows. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope.” Finn faked a yawn and stretched his arm over Leo’s shoulder, dragging him down for a kiss on the cheek. “Cap’s workout just kicked my ass today.”

“That’s what they’re supposed to do,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes playfully as he passed. “You’re not a rookie anymore, O’Hara.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.”

Logan entered the locker room a few minutes later; Finn closed his eyes and breathed in the thick steam of the shower until the fog in his head cleared a bit and he couldn’t feel the skin on his shoulders. It billowed off him as he dressed again and tossed the keys to Leo, who raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“You. There’s a little bit of slush left, and you still need to learn how to drive in it.” And I feel like I’m going to pass out at any minute. He swallowed down the last thought and pasted a teasing grin on his face—what Leo and Logan didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It was his own fault for being lazy in the past.

-----------------------

What Leo and Logan didn’t know apparently did hurt them. In hindsight, Finn should have seen that coming before he passed out in the middle of a scrimmage.

The lights of the coach’s office made his headache even worse. “Care to explain?” Arthur asked in a voice like frost. To his left, Sirius was glowering.

“I already told Hestia—”

“Yeah, I know what you told Hestia,” Arthur interrupted. “I want to hear it directly from you.”

Finn sighed through his nose and picked at a stray thread on his jersey. “I…I pushed myself a little too hard at yesterday’s practice and didn’t say anything when I started feeling bad.”

“Why.” Sirius’ eyes were hard as flint.

“Because I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass! I can handle some aching muscles, it’s not a big deal!”

“Not a—”

Arthur put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “That’s enough, Black. O’Hara, I want you to look me in the eyes.” Finn raised his head. “This was a dumbass mistake and all of us expected better from you. Your safety and health come before any workout routine, and it is your responsibility to speak up before you scare the shit out of us by dropping like a rock.”

“I’m sorry, Coach.”

“Apology accepted. I also want you to call Heather when you get home and schedule an appointment with her.” Some of Arthur’s frustration melted into genuine concern and guilt crawled up Finn’s throat. “Doing that to yourself isn’t healthy, Finn. You’re a good man, smart, and I know you know better.”

“Can we talk for a second?” Sirius asked quietly, glancing at Arthur. He nodded and left the room.

“I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck, Finn?” Sirius ran a hand down his face, suddenly pale. “What the fuck was that?”

“It was stupid.”

“Yeah, no, I got that part.”

“I slacked off a set on Monday.”

“Wow, nobody’s ever done that before,” he said sarcastically, sitting down in the chair by the wall as Finn resumed messing with his hem. “You scared the hell out of all of us.”

“I know.”

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m upset that you thought you had to do that at all.”

Tears prickled the backs of Finn’s eyes. “I know.”

“I’m sure as hell not your coach or your dad, but I’m going to say this as your friend, okay?” Sirius leaned over into Finn’s field of view. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. This team wouldn’t be the same without you. I wouldn’t be the same without you. We need you to take care of yourself, Harzy.”

Finn nodded silently and Sirius gave his hand a quick squeeze, which he returned. “Does everyone know?”

“I told them you were under the weather, nothing more.”

“Classic media answer.” He tried and failed to crack a smile. “Thanks for not telling on me.”

“That’s not my job. My job is herding cats on ice skates for five hours a day.”

Finn’s smile was real that time and he managed a light laugh as he swiped away the dampness on his cheeks. “Love you, man.”

“Love you, too.” Sirius helped him stand up and hugged him tight for a second before letting go. “Speaking as someone who used to do the exact same thing, talking to Heather makes a world of difference.”

“I’ll give her a call.”

The cold feeling returned to Finn’s gut when they stepped out of the office; Leo and Logan were waiting by the opposite wall, looking angrier than Finn had ever seen. Sirius patted his shoulder once before walking off down the hallway toward the locker room, where he would no doubt deflect even more questions.

“Hey,” Finn said, barely above a whisper. Logan continued to stare at the ground.

“You lied to us,” Leo said bluntly. “Several times. Both of us asked if you were alright and you told us you were fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology, but I don’t understand.” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “Finn, this isn’t how we deal with things. We agreed to be a team.”

Finn bit his lip. I fucked this one up. “We did. I am so sorry for scaring you—”

“We’re not mad that you scared us,” Logan snapped, still looking anywhere but his face. “We’re upset that you refuse to take care of yourself and then lied to us about it.”

Leo nudged Logan’s shoulder before turning back. “Why did you do that, Finn?”

“I didn’t want to fall behind. I was just trying to make up for the set I skipped on Monday.”

“What? Twenty squats and some pushups? That’s not worth your health, honey.” The pet name soothed the terror clutching Finn’s heart and he took a deep breath. They still loved him. This wasn’t the end.

“It was a stupid thing to do and it won’t happen again.”

“Good. Let’s go home.” Logan grabbed his duffel bag off the ground and started walking toward the door; Leo looked like he was going to say something, but Finn gently took his elbow.

“He’s going to need a minute,” he said under his breath. Logan was a hothead about many things, but lying was in the top three. Finn knew he hurt him deep.

“Did you…” Leo trailed off and pressed his lips together as they followed Logan into the parking lot. “Did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”

Finn shook his head. “No. This was all on me.”

“It’s just that I know I’m younger than both of you and I’m new to the hockey lifestyle, but I never want you to think you can’t trust me—”

“Leo.” Finn stopped walking and tugged on Leo’s hand, turning him around. Worry was painted all over his face and it sliced to Finn’s core. “I trust you and Logan with everything, but I got into my head about this and I wasn’t thinking about how it would hurt you. Please believe that.”

Leo sighed. “I do. I just don’t get it.”

“Neither do I, to be honest.” Logan was already sitting in the car with his headphones on as they crossed the lot. “It’s going to take him a while to talk to me, isn’t it?”

“He was really upset.”

“We’ll figure this out.” He tightened his grip on Leo’s hand. “We’ve made it through worse.”

-----------------------------

The apartment crackled with tension until Finn literally had to stick his head out the open window to get a breath of fresh air. Waves of frustration and hurt rolled off Logan, though he still refused to look Finn in the eyes.

After dinner, Leo slid into the armchair before Logan could get there, leaving only the couch available. They carefully sat on opposite sides—Finn stole glances at Logan out of the corner of his eye for the entire first half of the movie. Ninety minutes of action later, he felt something chilly poking at his calf.

Logan kept his gaze trained on the TV as he scooted his freezing toes under Finn’s legs. Relief flooded Finn’s veins; he felt a little like crying, but instead schooled his expression into a small smile and rested his hand on Logan’s ankle, where it stayed until the movie ended.

Leo had fallen asleep by that time, splayed out sideways on the cushion with his face smushed against the armrest. “Il est mignon,” Logan said softly. There was a beat of silence and he looked over at Finn. “He’s cute.”

“He is.” Finn cleared his throat and met his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lo. I never meant to hurt you, but I did, and I’m sorry.”

“Promise me you won’t do that again.”

“I won’t.”

Finn had a few bad habits, but backing out on his promises would never be one of them.

[ssamie]

ten. love is war!

oikawa tooru x fem langa!reader

(hq x sk8 the infinity)

warnings: spelling mistakes, swearing, 2k+ words, u have langa’s blue hair sorry

gen masterlist.                  "snow" masterlist

oikawa grumbled under his breath as he walked alongside of y/n. normally, he would be more than happy to be hanging with her so casually. but that certainly wasn't the case at the moment, seeing as, not only is iwaizumi with them, but also the five other friends of hers

"hey hey, where are we going exactly?" oikawa whispered to her

y/n peered back at him and smiled "well, we're just going wherever. it's been pretty long since i last saw my friends, after all" she said "but you can stay behind if you don't wanna come with oikawa-san" she said with furrowed brows as she took notice of his grumbling

oikawa took one quick glance at reki and grumbled even more as he shook his head "no, im coming with!" he huffed 

y/n nodded and chuckled sheepishly "okay, oikawa-san.. tell me if you need anything" she said 

"hey, actually.. am i even allowed to be here?" oikawa asked with a look of dread as he looks around them 

joe, cherry, miya, reki, and shadow were casually chatting along and yet he felt a little left out. 

"of course, oikawa-san" y/n reassured him with a smile "why? do you feel awkward?" she asked him. she then averted his eyes towards iwaizumi and mused "even iwaizumi-san is getting along with them quite well" she said 

oikawa sweat dropped and followed her line of sight "that's cus he's bonding with joe over some weird crossfit stuff!" he exclaimed. oikawa sighed and stared longingly at his best friend "even miya likes him" he playfully cried "all that kid does is bully me and call me a slime" he sulked 

y/n sweat dropped and chuckled at his antics. "well then, you can stick with me if you want" she mused. "i won't let you feel left out, oikawa-san" she chuckled "since you did the same for me when i fist joined the team, remember?" she smiled 

oikawa stared up at her with comical tears flowing down his cheeks and beamed "thank you! you're the best, y/n-chan!!" oikawa cheered 

y/n laughed as the brunette hugged her arm and leaned down to rest his head on her shoulder. "you look silly oikawa-san, please stand straight" she sweat dropped as she struggled to walk with his towering form clinging onto her 

oikawa laughed and did as he was told, though still keeping their arms locked together. "dont be like that, y/n-chan~" oikawa cooed "y know you love me" he grinned cockily 

y/n chuckled and sighed "sure, oikawa-san. whatever you say" she said 

from behind them, reki watched with a smile as she and oikawa goofed around. he's always happy to see her so lively and becoming close with new people, after all. 

"well..??" miya mused as he gestured to the two with an expectant look 

"well what?" reki tilted his head in confusion 

miya rolled his eyes and pulled him down to his height to whisper "aren't you gonna do something?" he asked 

reki furrowed his brows and let out a sheepish laugh "what do you mean?" he asked "what do i need to do?" 

miya sighed in exasperation "you're so stupid. no wonder you can't go up from your position as a slime" he said 

reki huffed and ruffled his hair, making miya groan in annoyance "don't call me stupid! also, what're you even on about?" he said

"what're you gonna do if she suddenly gets together with him?" miya asked him 

reki blinked in response and let out a nervous laugh "what..? what kinda question is that?" he mused 

"and what kind of answer is that?" miya spat out in annoyance "you know what? whatever" he said "just don't blame anyone but yourself if y/n suddenly finds a new best friend and gets a boyfriend that isn't you" miya sneered 

reki frowned and hit him in the head, making miya whimper "shut up! she won't do that" reki said with a meek laugh 

reki peered up at her, watching as she listened to oikawa with a weary look on her face as he rants to her about something stupid with his usual charming but cocky grin. 

"she won't do that." he muttered to himself. "she promised."

soon, all of them had arrived at some random restaurant since y/n and reki had been complaining about food for about an hour straight, and frankly, cherry has had enough. 

"y know, you probably should've declined adam's beef" reki mused. y/n raised a brow and looked at him in confusion "what? why?" she asked "i won either way.." 

reki sighed and turned to look at her "well yeah, but adam's totally nuts! and didn't you promise you won't skate with him anymore?" y/n gulped and looked away from him "i did promise that didn't i.." she mumbled 

"well, it's whatever." she waved it off "it already happened. besides, im totally fine!" she grinned 

reki watched as she went to grab some of the food, only for her to wince as her wounded hand grazed the hot bowl. "ow" she winced under her breath as she cradled her hand 

reki sweat dropped and laughed at her "see? what'd i tell you" he mused as he went to grab her hand "here, let me see—" 

he couldn't seem to finish his sentence since he was beaten to it by oikawa's interjection. "tsk tsk, y/n-chan you gotta be careful you know?" oikawa playfully scolded her as he grabbed her hand and gently massaged her palm to try and ease the pain down 

y/n huffed and nodded along as she let's oikawa hold her hand for a while longer "sorry, oikawa-san" she muttered as oikawa playfully pokes her cheek to annoy her 

"hm." reki pursed his lips as he let out a low hum, watching the scene play out with partial confusion and annoyance 

"haha! be careful next time!" reki exclaimed with a grin as he ruffles her hair and pulled her closer to him, making oikawa loose his grasp on her. "yeah sorry" she grinned sheepishly as she looks up at reki with reddening cheeks 

reki side eyes oikawa and sends him a smile, to which the brunette responded to with an irked and painfully forced smile in return 

"haha, well then.." oikawa mused "here you go, y/n-chan" he said as he held a sushi before her with his chopsticks "you should let me feed you since your hand's pretty messed up" oikawa suggested with a smile 

y/n looked up at the brunette and then down at the sushi and eagerly nodded. "okay!" she said as she went to chomp on the sushi, only to be met with nothing. 

"eh?" she mumbled in confusion as she stares at the chopsticks which were now empty 

"actually, i'll do that!" reki interjected with a sweet smile as he snatches the sushi from his chopsticks with his own "here, y/n! say 'ahh!' " reki cooed as he held it to her with his hand cupping the underside from crumbs 

"oh.. um.. okay?" she muttered in confusion as she turned to face reki with her cheeks slowly heating up "a-ahh" she smiled nervously as she went to eat the sushi, only for it to be snatched away once again 

"my my, reki-kun~" oikawa cooed with an irked smile "you shouldn't pass around people's food" he said "now it's all mushy and gross" oikawa stiffly laughed as he put away the sushi and reached for a new one 

reki took a deep breath and sent him an equally irked smile as well. "ah is that so?" he chuckled "my bad.." 

"have this instead then, y/n" reki said as he reached for a dumpling and held it to her mouth 

"have this instead, y/n-chan~" oikawa cooed as he held the sushi to her mouth as well 

"oh..okay.." y/n sweat dropped as she looked at the two boys beside her with a look of dread. "actually, maybe i'll just finish my drink for now—" 

"ha, see! she didn't want the sushi anyways! haha what a shame!" reki cooed as he taunted oikawa 

"well apparently, she's also not in a dumpling mood, is she, reki-kun?" oikawa cooed back through gritted teeth 

as the two boys telepathically argue, y/n sat quietly as her stomach grumbled, wanting nothing more than to eat at the moment. 

"geez. those two slimes really are a good-for-nothing" miya said with a sigh. he then turned to y/n with a smug cat-like grin and held his chopsticks out for her 

"guess i'll have to feed you instead" he cooed with an evil laugh  

y/n beamed and happily munched on the food, "thank you, miya" she said with a smile as she lets miya feed her the meal 

miya chuckled and sent the two boys a smug smirk. reki and oikawa deadpans at him and huffed. "did he just." oikawa muttered "yeah he did." reki replied

"just how long is this gonna go on for?" shadow sighed as he watched oikawa and reki subtly shove each other by masking it with friendly smiles and conversations

"dunno, but im enjoying this!!" miya exclaimed as he happily let's y/n feed him as well

shadow deadpanned as he watched the boy purr and roll around like an over joyed cat. 

"well of course you are" he sweat dropped

"man, just how long til we get there?" reki groaned out as he shuffles around in his seat

"but it's so boring! why can't we just skate there" reki huffed as he reluctantly planted himself still in his seat

"you're not a child. stop acting like one or im kicking you out of this car" cherry said in annoyance

"because it's too far and everyone here will pass out from the heat" cherry responded with a sigh "also.. if its so hot.." he trailed off. "then why are you two cuddling as if its the peak of winter?!" he exclaimed as he gestured to y/n and reki, who was pressed against each other as they both practically melt into a puddle

"because reki said he missed me" y/n replied "so i wanted to comfort him"

cherry peered down at her with a grimace as he took note of her sweat drenched face, and her meek smile "you're sweating all over the seats. that's disgusting." cherry deadpanned

"but i don't want reki to be sad" she reasoned

"he looks perfectly fine to me" cherry shook his head in exasperation "and you." he averted his eyes towards miya "what are you doing?"

miya looked back at him and grinned sheepishly "we're bonding, don't you see?" he cooed with a playful scoff

"bonding?! who the hell said that?! get off me!" oikawa exclaimed as he tried to pluck miya off of his lap 

"we're bonding!" miya hissed at him "it just so happened that theres an ac directly above you, so this position is necessary" he said 

"piss off, catboy" oikawa playfully scowled at him "if it's so hot then take off that damn cat hoodie you have on!" 

"no way!" miya exclaimed as he tried to pry away oikawa's hands, thus causing more chaos within the car 

"hey stop moving around!!" shadow scolded them  from the driver's seat "and you two love birds! stop sweating on my seats!" 

"we're not sweating on them!" reki exclaimed 

"its practically river back there, shut up redhead!" 

cherry had a look of dread on his face as he managed to just sit and endure the whole thing. though that was soon ruined as he turned to look at joe and iwaizumi, only to find them arm wrestling like a bunch of crazy gym freaks. 

"arm wrestling? really?" cherry scoffed in disbelief "in the middle of a car ride? in a moving vehicle?" 

"dont worry kaoru!" joe mused "im totally beating this kid" 

"yeah right" iwaizumi grinned as he slammed joe's arm down with a look of triumph 

"what the?!" joe spluttered "no way! kaoru! he cheated i swear!" he exclaimed 

"i don't care" cherry grumbled back "hey, step on the gas and just take us there for christ's sake" he said to shadow with a weary sigh 

"geez, no need to tell me twice" shadow replied 

"WOAH!" reki and y/n cheered as they looked around the empty skatepark "SO COOL!" they exclaimed as they ran around the open space 

"how'd you find this, oikawa-san?" she asked the brunette with sparkling eyes "i didnt think miyagi even had skateparks!" 

reki perked up and faced him "girls? do you have a girlfriend already or something?" he asked the brunette 

"oh? you like it here huh?" oikawa mused "then let's go again sometime" he suggested "also, one of the girls at school told me about it" he said 

"i don't" oikawa replied with furrowed brows "why?" 

"no reason" reki cooed as he have oikawa a friendly pat on the back "just thought it'd be weird to be so close to y/n if you have a girlfriend" 

"but you don't so it's fine.. totally fine.." 

"oikawa-san is very popular at school so he has a lot of fangirls." y/n explained as she skates past them

"popular?!" reki exclaimed in surprise "you're popular, oikawa-san?!" 

"huh? so what if i am?!" oikawa huffed in response "and why are you so surprised?!" he narrowed his eyes at the redhead. "well i didnt think you would be famous like that" reki said with a laugh "well i guess it makes sense since you're an athlete and all" 

oikawa sweat dropped and peered down at him "i can't tell if you're mocking me or if you're being genuine" he said 

reki smiled at him and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck "im being genuine" he said "its cool that you're a big shot athlete already at your age. you're probably really talented too" reki said "you're pretty admirable, oikawa-san . i can see why y/n enjoys being with you" reki let out a soft chuckle 

oikawa's eyes softened at his words and awkwardly shuffled in his place. "you're pretty cool too, reki-kun" oikawa admitted with a sigh 

"im kinda jealous of you, actually. you don't even have to try and yet.." oikawa trailed off as he watched y/n look at reki with love filled eyes from afar. 

reki looked at him and tilted his head in confusion. "yet what..?" he asked 

oikawa shook his head and waved it off "nothing, nothing. nevermind" he chuckled "just go skate or something" he said "i'm staying here" 

reki grinned and playfully slapped his back. "don't be like that!" he laughed "you're the one who brought us here, so you gotta join in on the fun!" reki beamed as he dragged oikawa over to the rest of the group 

"oh? have you two finally made up?" cherry mused as he watched reki drag oikawa around, while the brunette complains about the wind ruining his hair. 

"made up? but we never fought" reki mused as he got in his skateboard 

"you say that as if we didn't have to sit through your passive aggressive exchange during lunch" shadow sweatdropped 

"eh? what'd you mean?" reki cooed "your memory's going stale, old man shadow!" 

"im only twenty four!" shadow yelled back 

"over already?!" reki whined as they reluctantly followed them to the car 

"well, its already dark" iwaizumi said as he stretched his arms over his head. "and we've been here for hours"

"hes just sad cus he hasn't skated in forever" miya sneered as he skated past them and placed his board into the trunk 

"fine" reki sighed in reply. "hey, was it fun?" he asked oikawa, making the brunette shrug. "it was fun, yeah.. though falling on my ass wasn't exactly the greatest" oikawa replied 

"exactly! let's just stay here for a while!" reki pouted. "we can skate again tomorrow, reki" y/n said with a smile as she patted his back reassuringly 

"don't worry, oikawa-san! you were actually pretty good!" y/n complimented him with a grin 

"yeah yeah, you flatter me too much!" oikawa chuckled as he nudged her playfully with his shoulder 

"anyways, im pretty tired." she yawned. "i think i'll just sleep on the way home" she said as she entered the car and sat down on the leather seats 

"..." 

oikawa and reki side eyed each other, shuffling on their spots as they send each other one last 'friendly' smile before sprinting towards the car, trying to claim the seat next to her. 

"what the hell" iwaizumi deadpanned as he watched them push and shove each other as they fought for the seat beside her "i thought they made up already" iwaizumi sighed 

"and are they really that dumb to not realize she's sitting in the middle." miya chimed in as he peered at the two with a grimace 

"you can sit on both sides, slimes!" miya yelled at them 

"oh right" they both muttered in realisation as they quietly take their seat on either side of her. 

"ehem." reki fake coughed. "y/n!!" he cooed at her with a beaming smile 

y/n looked over at him with tired eyes and smiled back "yes reki?" she asked as her cheeks gradually heat up

"if you ever wanna sleep, you can use me as a pillow" reki suggested with a grin as he patted his shoulder 

"me too! but im probably more comfortable since reki-kun here would probably poke your eye out with his spiky ass hair" oikawa cooed with a sweet smile 

y/n spluttered as she looked back at oikawa with a look of disbelief "what? his.. his hair?" she muttered 

"awh! but oikawa-san, you might suffocate her with the amount of hairspray you have on to keep your hair in place!" reki cooed back with a giggle 

y/n sweat dropped and nervously looked at the two boys as they continue to smile and beam at each other despite their awfully insulting words. "i see.." y/n nervously chuckled. "well, i appreciate it" she said 

"no problem!" they beamed at her

"its been half an hour." miya commented 

"yeah." iwaizumi nodded along "what's gonna happen next? i think i know." 

miya hummed and side eyed them. "y/n's asleep." he muttered in a deeper 'narrator' type voice 

"i see." iwaizumi nodded 

oikawa hummed to himself as he slyly watched her head slowly starting to fall and instinctively lean against somewhere. "wow. this ride's pretty long" oikawa mused 

"her head is falling." miya said. "i see." iwaizumi replied.

"mhm." reki nodded 

a soft sigh could be heard as y/n's head slowly falls towards reki's direction, causing a smug smirk to form on his lips 

"the slime won." miya clapped quietly, with iwaizumi sulking for his friend 

oikawa gritted his teeth as a vein popped out of his temple out of frustration. he swiftly grabbed her head and dropped it down to his own shoulder, waking her in the process from the sudden pull 

"what the..?" y/n mumbled as he looked up at oikawa in confusion 

"nevermind! the other slime won by force!" miya commented as he glared at oikawa while iwaizumi smiled proudly 

"what're you doing?!" reki exclaimed as he grabbed her head and forcefully rested it on his shoulder instead 

"im letting her get comfortable, that's all" oikawa mused as he placed her head back onto him 

"reki?! oikawa-san?! what are you guys doing?! " she frantically asked as she felt her head being shook around, and her neck coming close to snapping 

"shh! sleep!" oikawa shushed her as he held her close and gently ran his fingers through her hair. "i- why are you guys pulling on me?!" she shrieked out 

"okay that's enough." cherry sighed as he turned around to hit both boys on their head with his fan "let the girl rest. and stop fighting." he sighed "just sleep altogether or something"

"how?!" 

in the end, oikawa and reki ended up resting their head on her shoulder while iwaizumi rests peacefully beside them. miya, however, was sprawled out on top of them with his head on y/n's lap and iwaizumi holding his legs down to keep him from slipping 

all in all, it was a cute sight, and whether they admit it or not, joe, cherry, and shadow definitely took loads of pictures. 

"geez." joe sighed 

"these kids are making me feel old" he mused "when was the last time we were like this, kaoru?" he asked as he gestured to their sleeping figures. 

"since never." cherry deadpanned "not once did we ever do that" he said, making joe sweat drop 

"sheesh, atleast play along or something" 

sorry for the spelling /grammar mistakes if there are any :>

idk if this is good i'm so sorry 💀 

[stale-cheezit]

Shower

Summary: You had a press conference with Tony that doesn’t go as planned. Bucky helps you blow off some steam.

 Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Word Count: 1,552

Warnings: swearing. smutty smut smut. oral (female receiving) hair pulling, daddy kink, bucky’s fucking metal arm, praise kink, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy) 

You sit with your legs crossed next to Tony, on a small stage answering questions from various news outlets. You’ve known Tony since you were fresh out of high school. He took you under his wing after your parents died in a plane crash. You helped him form the Avengers. He’s become like a father to you over the years. 

“Question for Y/N?” One of the reporters asks. 

“Yes?” You smile sweetly. 

“It’s come to the world’s attention that you’ve been dating the Winter Soldier for quite a while now...” Here we go again, “What’s it like dating someone who’s taken dozens of innocent lives?” 

You try to stay as calm as possible. The question makes your blood boil, “Bucky was under mind control when those events went down. It wasn’t him. It was hydra.” 

“Next question please?” Tony quickly says before someone could make the situation worse.  

“Is it harder being an Avenger as a girl? Surly it must be more difficult to keep up with everyone else.” 

Your fists clench. Small crescent moons form on your palms. 

“Y/N is one of our strongest. She’s an extremely valuable part of our team. Her being a girl doesn’t mean she’s not as strong as the rest of the Avengers.” 

You mouth a quick thank you to Tony, who smiles at you. 

The rest of the conference goes on. You get quite a few more questions about Bucky and about how you “can’t perform as well as some of the other Avengers because you’re a girl.”

In the limo ride home the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Tony sighs loudly, “I’m sorry about that, Y/N. They have no idea what they’re talking about.” 

“It’s alright, Tony. It’s not your fault.” The rest of the ride back to the compound is silent. You say nothing when you walk through the doors, making a beeline to the elevator and pressing your floor number. Your fingers run through your hair as a sigh escapes your lips. The audacity of some people. 

The elevator doors open and you walk out, Bucky sits in the kitchen with Steve. 

“Hey Y/N!” Steve smiles at you. 

“Hey doll. How was the conference?” Bucky looks concerned when he sees the stone cold look on your face. You mutter a quiet hello before heading straight to your room. Bucky mutters, “I’ll go talk to her.” To Steve before following you into your room. 

You grab one of Bucky’s t-shirts and a pair of shorts before heading to the bathroom. You turn the water on and strip, not bothering to check the temperature before stepping in. Scolding hot water meets your skin as you slide down and sit on the shower floor. The water wets your hair and drips down your face. 

You hear the door open, and clothes being pulled off, “Doll? Can I come in?” 

“Mhm.” You mutter quietly, not bothering to stand up as Bucky slides open the shower door. Your eyes meet, you look down. Bucky steps in and holds his hand out for you to take. You just put your arms up, wanting him to pick you up. Bucky chuckles and leans down to pick you up, and holds you close to his chest. Your bodies close to one another’s. 

You breathe in Bucky’s scent and sigh. “What happened?” Bucky brushes his fingers through your wet hair. 

“They were so mean, Buck. They asked me what it was like dating a murderer,” Bucky tenses, “I tried defending you but they wouldn’t stop asking questions and I-I...” A tear falls down your face, “They said it must be hard for me being a girl. That i must have trouble keeping up with everyone else.” 

“Doll you know that’s not true... You took down me, Steve, and Clint sparring us.” 

“That’s not what got to me.... It’s how everyone sees you. They see you like this bad guy, but you’re not a bad guy. I love you... more than anything in this world. You’re the love of my life and it hurts to hear people talk about you like that.” 

“I know.. I know. You know I’ve changed. So does everyone here. That’s all that matters.” 

“I think I might go down to the gym later and blow off some steam.” You step directly under the hot water. Letting it fall down your entire body. 

“I think I have an idea...” Bucky says, stepping closer to you, running his hands down your hips. 

“And what would that be?” You giggle as Bucky guides you to where your back is pressed against the wall. The cold tiles sending a shiver down your spine. 

“You’ll see.” Bucky whispers, slowly sinking to his knees. A pool of wetness grows in between your thighs, as you realize what’s coming. Bucky’s fingers trail from your ankles to your hips. He presses soft kisses to your thighs, gently sucking on the skin as he places one of your legs over his shoulder. His kisses get closer and closer before stopping, as he blows cool air on your pussy. 

You gasp, “Bucky please...” 

“Please what? Tell me what you want babydoll?” 

“I want you...” You whisper. 

“What part of me, darling? You’ll have to be more specific.” Bucky nips at the skin of your inner thigh. His metal fingers slowly dragging up your legs. 

“Your mouth and fingers.” 

“What’s the magic word?” 

“Please Buck!” 

Bucky chuckles, his eyes looking straight into yours as he licks up your slit, a loud groan escaping your lips. Bucky’s lips wrap around your clit. Going back and forth between lapping at your folds and sucking harshly. Your eyes roll back in your head and you swear you saw stars. 

“Holy Fu- Ahhhh!” Bucky slips two cold metal fingers inside your cunt. Pumping them in and out at a fast pace, “Oh my god Buck please don’t stop!”

Bucky’s tongue flicks your clit before rolling in in between his lips. The entire room is filled with your moans and pleas. Your fingers tangle in his locks. You feel your stomach begin to tighten, It takes everything in you to stay standing up. 

“Bucky please... please please please..” You whisper, desperate for your release. 

“It’s okay doll, let it go.” Bucky whispers. 

Your hips involuntarily buck as you feel shock waves pulse throughout your body. You arch your back and moan Bucky’s name repeatedly as you cum. Bucky’s fingers keeping their fast pace, and his lips still wrapped around your clit as he helps you ride out your high. 

The super soldier rises to his feet, licking off his fingers, “I’ll never get tired of that taste.” He presses a long kiss to your lips, that quickly becomes heated. 

“Fuck me.” You mutter against your lover’s lips. 

He smirks, “If you say so.” His hand taps your ass, and you jump into his arms, him gladly catching you. You kiss Bucky roughly, holding his face in your hands before using one to guide his hard cock to line up with your pussy. Your breathing hitches as he pushes inside you, a low growl escaping his lips. 

“Daddy.” You mewl, feeling his cock twitch inside you. Bucky growls and nips at your jawline, quickly setting a rough rhythm of his hips as he slams into you. 

“Say it again.” He demands. Your hips buck forward to meet his, you’ll definitely have bruises in the morning. 

“Daddy please!” You nestle your face in the crook of Bucky’s neck, “Harder, fuck.” 

Bucky slams his hips into you rougher. Your nails scratch down his back, which the boys will give him shit for tomorrow at the gym, you know he doesn’t mind. Just like you don’t mind all the hickey’s he’s been sucking on your collar and neck. 

“Such a good girl... You’re being so good for daddy. You take my cock so well babygirl.” 

Bucky’s words could’ve sent you over the edge right there, they sure as hell brought you closer to your peak. Your walls clench around his cock. 

“You like it when daddy praises you, don’t you? Oh fuck- You’re such a good girl. Just like that baby, just like that. Cum for daddy. Okay baby? It’s okay, cum for daddy. Cum all over daddy’s cock.” 

Your orgasm hits you again, your pussy pulsing around Bucky as you ride out your high. A mix of curses and Bucky’s name leave your lips, your face buried deep in his neck. 

Bucky groans as he hits his own high, his pace becoming sloppy as he cums inside you. You grab his face and kiss him as he comes down from his own orgasm. He pulls out of you, still holding you in his arms. 

“I love you.” He breathes, pressing soft kisses on your lips. 

“I love you.” You reply between kisses. 

Bucky sits you down and you help clean each other off. Bucky gently washes your body. A few minutes later you both get out of the shower and start drying off.

“You still up for the gym? I’ll spar you if you want.” Bucky says, reaching for his boxers. 

“I was actually hoping for a round two. This time I’m on top.” You wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck, a sinful look in your eyes. 

“Oh fuck yes.” 

[bl597]

Hello! I just found your blog and I loved your writing 💜 Idk if I can request something? Like the reader forgot her clothes or ruin them, wanted to lend some from Ginny but she is smaller so ends up using Fred's, he is shooked, flustered, and happy. All fluffy and stuff. Thanks 💜💜💜

hello, sweetie! thank you sooooooo much 💞💞 of course you can, feel free to request as many imagines as you want to! I hope you enjoy it, sorry it took me so long to post it! 💖

warnings: fluff yay, kind of gender neutral!reader (?), it got a little small (sorry), english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! requests are open!!

my masterlist ♡

Ginny, your best friend, had invited you to stay at the Burrow during your summer break, and you, of course, accepted it. You loved the family of redheads as if it was your own, and loved to stay at the Burrow. It had been almost two weeks since you arrived and you and the 'kids' were having lots of fun together.

You, Ginny, Ron, the twins, Harry, Bill and Charlie were playing quidditch, and Molly (as she told you to call her), Hermione and Arthur (as he also told you to call him) were cheering for you all. It was funny to play with them, since you were competitive little shits and didn't want to lose, so you all made a bet: the team that loses has to degnome the garden, and no one wanted to do it.

Your team lost and you had to degnome the garden right after the game because the twins wouldn't let you guys live if you didn't do it as soon as possible. After about an hour or so, Molly told you all to take a shower so you could eat something. You and Ginny went first and the boys went after.

You were with Ginny in her room, looking for something comfortable to wear. Frowning, you turned to her “Hey, Ginny, could you borrow me a shirt? Mine are dirty.”

“Sure” she said, looking for a shirt in her wardrobe. She then handed you a white shirt and you thanked her, putting it on but pouting when you realised it was too small and too tight for you “Do you want me to look for some other?” she asked.

“Yes, please” you nodded, smiling at her and folding the shirt, putting it where it was again.

She then left the room and you sat down on the bed, waiting for her to return. After a few minutes she came back with a bigger shirt, handing it to you with a small smirk. You thanked her, finding her a little suspicious but just ignoring it.

The shirt was big and really comfortable, it smelt like the Burrow and a weirdly familiar cologne, but you couldn't identify where you had smelt it before. When you turned to her, she was smiling widely at you, practically beaming with pride. You opened your mouth to ask why she was like this, but Mrs Weasley's voice interrupted you, calling you two to tell you dinner is ready. Ginny then dragged you downstairs with her, the smile as big as always.

The first person you saw was Ron, who looked at the shirt you were wearing and then at Ginny, mouthing something like 'is that his shirt?', to which Ginny nodded excitedly. Ron then left, smirking at your confused face. You turned to Ginny, ready to ask her what the hell was that when you were interrupted once again, this time by George.

“Look what we have here.” he said smirking while placing an arm around your shoulder. “So you liked Freddie's shirt, uh, (Y/n)?”

“What?” you asked, already feeling your face getting hot.

“Hey, Fred! I've found your shit!” he yelled to his twin, who just entered the room. When he locked eyes with you, his face became as hot and red as his hair, just like your face was and he lowered his head to avoid your curious eyes, with what looked like a shy smile on his lips.

“Ginny!” you exclaimed, blushing furiously.

But when you turned around to face her, she was smirking. She then cupped her ear, as if she heard something “Oh, sorry, mom just called me and George to help her. Have fun, you two” she said, pulling George by his arm so he could follow her, they both giggling.

You and Fred stayed quiet, too embarrassed to say something or look at each other. You glanced at him, noticing he was shirtless, but then you quickly looked away, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable, focusing on the roof instead. “So,” you shyly spoke “why are you shirtless?"

“Because you're with my shirt” he said, chuckling.

“Oh.” you looked at his face, an apologetic half smile on your face. “I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was yours. I can ta-”

“No, it's okay” he cut you off “It's okay, you can stay with it. I'll just find another one.”

“Okay, then.” you smiled at him “Now, if you excuse me, I'll kill your sister right now.”

“I'll put some clothes on before mom catches me and then I can help you” he winked, climbing the stairs to go to his room, leaving you a blushing mess.

~

After that day, you and Fred were kind of awkward with each other, and whenever you two were alone, there was this uncomfortable silence. Like, he made a few jokes but it just felt weird. Ginny and George didn't stop teasing the shit out of you two ever since then, always nudging you when he entered the room or vice versa.

It was kind of boring, actually. You really liked spending time with the twins, especially Fred, but now you couldn't say anything without making the situation awkward. The fact that you always remembered that moment also didn't really help, since all you could think about was Fred's face when he saw you in his shirt. His face was as red as his hair and he was looking down, but there was still that small smile on his face that made you wonder a lot. Was he trying to hide his laugh? Or was he actually smiling?

The thought that he probably was smiling made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy. You didn't really want to admit it to yourself, but you may or may not have feelings for the redhead). It was obvious to anyone who looked at you whenever Fred was around; you were a blushing and stuttering mess, and could barely function like a normal human being. Ginny – and honestly the whole castle – knew about your 'secret' feelings for her old brother, she noticed the not-so subtle stares you sent Fred's way everytime you were in the same room and she was sick of watching her brother doing the exact same thing with you, so that was why she and George came up with the 'shirt plan'.

You were now sitting with Ginny and Hermione on the Burrow's garden, just admiring the beautiful sunset in front of you. Hermione then nudged Ginny with her elbow, raising her brow at the redhead with a look that you didn't really understand, which made you furrow. Ginny then nodded, the same diabolic smile on both their faces.

“Mione, I just remembered something! We have to do that... thing! Yeah, that thing! Remember?” she exclaimed, already getting up. “Let's go!”

“Oh, yeah! Yeah, the thing!” Hermione said, quite awkwardly, getting ready to leave with Ginny.

“Can I go too?” you asked, looking at them whilst pouting.

“No, sorry” Ginny said “It's..”

“A thing for only two people! Sorry, (Y/n/n)” Hermione quickly cut her off, giving you an apologetic smile before dragging Ginny with her, whispering something you couldn't hear.

You sighed, enjoying the view anyway. You stayed like that for a few minutes, the sunlight kissing your skin, its warmth making you feel a little less cold. Despite being summer now, the night breeze was really cold, and you cursed yourself for not bringing a jacket or a jumper like Hermione told you to.

After a minute or two you heard footsteps quietly approaching you, then the person sat down next to you without saying anything, just enjoying the beautiful view. You saw the messy red hair sitting beside you, his blue sweater with a large yellow 'F' on it made you realise who it was.

“Aren't you cold?” his deep voice brought you back to reality and you blinked at him, shaking your head slowly. “Are you sure?”

“I'm fine, Fred” you answered shyly, still not looking directly at him.

He didn't say anything and you two fell in an almost comfortable silence for the first time ever since the 'shirt plan'. You then felt something on your shoulders, something soft and that made you warm up. Looking down, you saw a jacket that you recognized as his and it smelt exactly like that shirt, Fred's scent was intoxicating and you swore you could never get enough of it.

“Nice view, don't you think?” he asks whilst turning to face you and smiling.

“Yeah.” you nodded “The sun is amazing, especially at this time of the day.”

“The sun is beautiful too, but I prefer another view” he said quietly, his husky voice sending shivers down your spine.

“And what is that?” you asked shyly, seeing his face lit up and a smirk replace his smile.

“You.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but you never found the right words. What were you supposed to do at this moment? You didn't even need to see yourself in a mirror to know that your face is just as hot and red as fire now, and you were pretty sure he definitely noticed it, the playful smirk on his face confirming your suspicions.

“Oh” was all you managed to say. You mentally face palmed yourself, embarrassed by your lack of coherent answers. “Thank you?”

He laughed quite loudly, throwing his head back. You confusedly looked at him, silently asking what was so funny and he just shook his head, still giggling. “You're weird.” he replied between giggles, giving you a big smile.

“That's really rude of you, did you know that?” you asked, furrowing your brows.

“I meant it in a good way, love”

You crossed your arms, huffing, and turned to watch the sunset that was now almost gone. The sky was a beautiful mix of orange and pink shades and it looked like a real life painting. You were too focused on the beautiful sky in front of you that you didn't even notice Fred's silly smile, looking at you in awe.

“So, someone told me you have feelings for me. Is that true, (Y/l/n)?” he asked in a playful tone, slowly inching closer to you.

“Who told you that?!” you exclaimed, looking at him with wide eyes “It was Ginny or George, wasn't it? Oh, I'll kill them!”

“Maybe” he quietly spoke before smirking again “Well, I might return these feelings.”

“What?!”

“You heard me the first time” he playfully rolled his eyes “Can you confirm if the rumors are true?”

“Which rumors?” you stuttered, blushing.

“That we have a date next week”

“What?!”

“You're not as smart as I thought you were” he joked “I was asking if you wanted to go on a date next week? With me?”

You only nodded, not trusting your own voice to say anything at the moment. He smiled widely at you before turning back to the sky in front of you two, you both watching it silently, just enjoying each other's company.

You smirked when you heard whispers a few feet behind you, whose voices you recognized as Ginny, Hermione and George's excitedly cheering that their little 'plan' worked.

~

taglist ♡

@witchorical @fific7 @iamak20 @msmimimerton @grierpilots @idontknowwhatthisisfam @imseeinggred

[lupin72]

What could have been

Anon asked for a fic where ‘Lucy figured out that she was about to be drugged and arrests Caleb and comes to work traumatised that she would have been kidnapped or something and Tim noticed that’. I changed the details a bit but I hope you like it!

Lucy sat in her favorite bar, with an attractive man in front of her, conversation flowing well as they waited to be served. And yet she couldn’t relax. It had been a while since she had found herself on a date. Lucy told herself that was why she had a feeling of unease when she regarded the man before her. Caleb was nice, friendly and he seemed to like her. A lot, if him showing up at the precinct was anything to go by. She had no reason for fear or tension, no reason to doubt his intentions at all. And yet she couldn’t get the voice in the back of her mind to shut up.

Even before she was an officer, Lucy had always been careful on nights out. Her parents had experience with enough patients to feel that it was important to drill into Lucy that she should never leave a drink unattended, never drink anything unless she had seen the bar staff pour it and to always let someone know where she was going. They were rules she had followed throughout her life. She didn’t know how many times such choices could have saved her life.

But this was different, Lucy reminded herself. She was on a date. They were supposed to be alone. But she hadn’t told Jackson where she was going.

The thought struck a pang of panic inside her and Lucy reached for her phone. As she did so, she heard Caleb order his drink and ask her what she wanted. Lucy looked up and tried to mask her uncertainty with a smile and ordered a glass of the house red. She wasn’t fussy after a day like she had had.

That was what it was, she told herself. Leftover unease from being around a serial killer all day. There was nothing wrong with Caleb. Lucy noticed the man in question was frowning at her and realized how silly she must have looked urgently trying to dig her phone out of her pocket.

“I’m not doing that bad am I?” Caleb asked, raising an eyebrow in a way that shouldn’t have been as endearing as it was. “Trying to call for help already?”

Lucy laughed, hoping it didn’t sound as forced as it felt, “Not at all. I just realised I never told my flat mate where I was going.”

“Oh,” Caleb paused, “it’s alright, I’m a gentleman, I’ll have you home by ten, promise.”

Lucy frowned. Her hands froze. Was that a red flag?

She shook herself, cursing her overactive mind and placed her hands back on the bar. She was a full grown woman, she didn’t need anyone’s permission and, despite the fact Caleb was obviously joking, she didn’t like the insinuation that she was acting like a child who was out after curfew.

Thankfully, their drinks arrived and prevented any award silence.

But then the world seemed to slow down. Caleb reached out to pay for their drinks and then smoothly grabbed both their glasses, pushing Lucy’s towards her and dragging his towards himself. It had looked causal, and it was all over in a second, but the movement of his hand had caught Lucy’s eye. There had been no need for him to touch her glass, no need for him to slide it toward her when it was already in comfortable reaching distance. And, had she imagined it, or had he spent a bit too long searching for his wallet? Long enough perhaps to lift something else along with it?

The voice, the feeling of unease, was suddenly too much and Lucy felt herself standing.

Caleb looked shocked.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy apologized, grabbing her jacket and moving away. “I’m not feeling too great tonight. I’ve had a bit of a terrible shift and I should have cancelled sooner. This wasn’t fair on you. You seem like a really nice guy, but I don’t think I can do this. I’m sorry-”

She turned to leave when she felt Caleb grab her arm. Tight.

“Wait.” His smile no longer reached his eyes and Lucy detected a hint of anger in his gaze. “Can’t we just have this one drink? I know I’m not the most attractive guy and I think I might have come across a bit strong when I showed up at your work, but I do really like you Lucy.”

Lucy paused, regarding his demeanor. There was something about the desperation in his tone that she didn’t like. Her gaze flicked back to their glasses on the bar behind them.

The date was over anyway. There was nothing more to lose. Lucy squared her shoulders and said, “If I asked you to down my drink would you do it?”

Caleb looked taken aback. “What?”

“If I asked you to drink it, would you do it?”

The anger on his face grew to the point he looked enraged.

“I thought so.” Lucy broke free of his grip and turned for the door.

Thankfully, a group of girls stumbled into the bar just as Lucy reached the entrance. One stopped and pulled the door back open for her, smiling as Lucy passed through. With a sigh of relief Lucy noticed that their uber driver was still waiting by the door and, upon the driver’s request, jumped in their car.

 Lucy never got much sleep. She had tossed and turned for hours thinking about what could have happened. She knew in her heart that Caleb had been attempting to spike her. Should she have told the barman? Hell, should she have arrested him? No, she once again reminded herself. Her evidence was based on a hunch, on suspicion and nothing more. Still, pushing herself from the bed, she decided she would call her mother later to thank her for her annoying persistence in reminding her to be safe growing up. For now, she had to get to work.

Lucy bumped into Tim just as she was entering the bullpen. “Told you to unwind last night Chen, not stay up the whole night, you look like you haven’t slept at all.”

It was disguised as a reprimand, but Lucy could tell that it came from a place of concern. “Had a rough night,” she replied. “I’ll tell you about it in the shop if you promise not to boast.”

Lucy knew that promise wouldn’t be kept. Tim had sensed something was wrong with Caleb. He had made all those jibes about the photos and tried to steal Caleb’s number from Lucy’s hand. But even if she did have to listen to him boast, part of her also wanted some reassurance that she had done the right thing. Caleb, after all, might have been innocent. It could all have been in her head.

They were in the shop for two minutes before Tim spoke, “So, Boot what did you want to tell me? I’m ready to gloat.”

Lucy explained what had happened on the date, her words tumbling into each other at such a speed that she wasn’t sure Tim would know what she was saying at all. Thankfully, he seemed to follow well enough and he didn’t interrupt.

“I knew there was something wrong with that guy,” Tim said when she was finished. Lucy rolled her eyes at that predictably being his first take away.

“Are you alright?”

The look of concern on his face took Lucy by surprise.

“Yes sir,” she answered.

“You did the right thing. Even if he was innocent it’s better to be safe than sorry. And with this new serial killer on the lose too, you can never be too sure.”

Lucy hadn’t thought about it that way. What were the odds that the new killer would target her? She knew that the number of men that turned to date rape drugs was scarcely high enough in the city of LA that it was extremely unlikely to be related at all.

Still, the thought was enough to send her head spinning.

“Don’t go there Chen,” Tim interrupted her spiral, bringing her back to the present. “You were switched on enough to notice what he was playing at. Not many would have. It shows you have good instincts.”

Just as Lucy was about to point out that Tim had just given her a compliment, he froze.

“Fire!”

Lucy jumped, her hand automatically going to her weapon, whilst she scanned the horizon.

“That house is on fire, what do we do Officer Chen?”

Lucy quickly looked to the house Tim had gestured to and found no sign of smoke or flames. She realized immediately what he was doing, and her heart swelled in response, even if it had just stopped beating seconds before.

Lucy rattled off the protocol as Tim drove on, her nightmare of a night long forgotten.

 An hour later a call came in from Grey directly. A rare occurrence so that they both knew immediately that something was seriously wrong. Tim drove them to the address in a tense silence.

They joined a swarm of vehicles pulling up outside an abandoned farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere. In sync, they climbed out of the car and turned to where Grey stood at the porch, towering over the crowd of officers.

“Rosalind’s partner has struck again,” Grey announced. “A video was sent to the precinct half an hour ago of a woman in a barrel, we presume she is underground. Detectives were able to track the signal here. From the footage we believe this to be a recovery. I want you all to spread out, we’ve got dogs and metal detectors on hand. Let’s bring this girl home to her family and with any luck we will find something to put the bastard who did this behind bars.”

With sharp orders from the detectives, they broke out into their routine search formation: a line forming a grid that seemed far too small to cover the vast desert plane surrounding them. Lucy’s stomach churned as she walked in line next to Tim, a sniffer dog team to her other side. What sort of end the woman must have met? Alone, underground, in a barrel in this heat? It didn’t bare thinking about.

After almost an hour of nothing, the dog to Lucy’s right gave a loud bark and began clawing at the ground. The handler gave a shout and within minutes a flurry of officers began to dig. Dirt flew carelessly around them as they shoveled it clear. The only sound panting and the scraping of the sand. And then they hit metal.

The barrel exposed; they removed the lid. The sight that met them made more than one officer gasp, including Lucy.

They had found her.

Tim pulled the young woman up and laid her body out.

Grey was right. She was already gone.

She looked young, a few years younger than Lucy. Her long dark hair covered half of her face and Tim carefully pulled it back to lay her more peacefully on the sand.

Lucy jumped. The sight of the young woman’s face sent her stumbling backwards. Her hand flew to her mouth to try to stop the feeling of nausea that had overtaken her.

Tim, seemingly the only officer to notice, spun to face Lucy and immediately rose to his feet when he saw the look on her face.

“Chen?” He said, in the same soft tone he had used with her in the shop earlier, a tone she had heard him use so rarely. Lucy felt him reach out and clasp her elbow when she still didn’t respond.

“She was there,” Lucy stammered, forcing the words out between her loud gasping breaths, “She was there, at the bar…last night.” Lucy recognized the victim as the young woman who had held the door open for her.

It was clear the second Tim realized what she was saying. His other hand rose to catch her by the shoulder. “Chen are you telling me that-?”

“It’s Caleb. It has to be.”

They were gathering an audience from their fellow officers, both those who had helped to dig and those that were only now just reaching the scene. Lucy barely noticed them. All she could see was Tim. The fear in his eyes, his strong hands the only reason she hadn’t fallen to the floor.

Lucy choked, unable to hold back her tears any longer, they began to slip down her cheek. The terrible realization hitting them both.

“It should have been me.”

 Hope you enjoyed reading this! A reminder that I am still open for prompts!

[maevemarethyu]

Unexpected (4/?)

(Not my GIF)

You weren’t expecting it. Neither of you were.

That didn’t mean you weren’t happy with how it ended.

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fic.

Warning: Cursing, Cheapshots, a bit of violence, Sad Boi Hour and Fluff

Updated 1/20/2021

It was time. The stage was set. After two days of non-stop correspondence with James, who insisted you call him Bucky, he was knocking on your door for the second time.

“Hey!” You greet, not giving him a chance to respond before you wrap your arms around his torso in a tight hug. It takes him a few moments to return the sentiment but, when he does, you can’t help but notice that James Barnes gives excellent hugs. “Sorry, I get all touchy when I’m nervous”

“S’alright.” He chuckles and you can hear it deep in his chest when you pull away. “I just picked up the papers from Matt.”

“I hope he didn’t give you any trouble. He’s always been protective of me but, this whole thing has him on edge. He’s a nice guy, I swear.” You lead him past the neatly stacked boxes of Patrick’s things and into the kitchen.

“I believe it. I woke up this morning and almost everyone was in a disguise and set on following me here.” The mental image of Steve Rogers and Wanda Maximoff dressed in dark shades and baseball caps makes you laugh harder than it should have. You had never met them but, Bucky talked about his team so much that you felt as if you knew them. Sam Wilson had even gone out of his way to steal James’ phone and personally apologize for the part he played in this whole ordeal.

You barely had time to thank him for the role he played in it before he and James were wrestling over the device. It reminded you too much of you and a certain bullet proof man that had somehow become like a brother to you. The thought of having to tell the Defenders what happened kept you up all last night but, it didn’t compare to having to tell Frank.

“That would have been a sight.” A smirk grows on your face. “Is everything ready?”

Bucky nods. “Claire told me she was spending the day with her sister. Her sister’s in Louisiana right now.” You hum in response. Did Claire really think James was dumb enough to believe that?

“I told Patrick that I was taking Laysa to work with me today. Said I’d be home late.”

The stage was set. After two days of torture in the form of loving gazes and gentle kisses with your husband, the time had come; all you had to do was wait.

“Do you really think they’ll come here?”

Your plan hinged on it.

“If not, I’m tracking them down and shoving these papers down their throats. I can’t stomach another day pretending.” You huff and, as if he knew you were talking about him, your phone dinged.

A message from Patrick.

“Hey babe, you home?” You read aloud before scoffing and typing a reply. No, I told you I’m at work all day (sad face) I’ll be home around seven.

You send off the message and open your snack cabinet.

“So attentive.” Bucky drawls sarcastically. “Husband of the year.”

His voice was low and it sends an unwarranted shiver down your spine. If there was one thing you’d learnt about Bucky Barnes over the past few days was that he really didn’t know how attractive he was. It wasn’t just his looks either, it was his sense of humor, his chivalrous nature, the way he talked about his friends, the nicknames; he was a complete package.

You felt ashamed for thinking about him like that before you realized you didn’t have a reason not to… not anymore. You could look at other men with appreciative eyes for the first time in fifteen years. You’d never act upon anything but, the knowledge that you could was liberating to say the least.

“Do you like popcorn? I was thinking we could watch a movie while we wait.” You ramble on, microwaving the packet before he could answer. “Ever seen Heavyweights? It’s an older Disney movie about a weight loss camp that gets taken over by a health nut. I’m asking you to be polite but, we’re watching it. Laysa’s down for a nap, that girl can sleep for days.”

Another laugh then “Sure doll.”

He had learned quite few things about you himself. You were stubborn, almost as much as he was, you had a serious sweet tooth, you had an even wider range of music than Sam did, you had a soft spot for movies from the 90’s and 2000’s, and you were an amazing mom. The way you talked about Laysa made his chest warm.

Bucky always had a soft spot for kids but, he’d never cared so much about a kid he’s never even seen.

“Great! It’s already set up. All you have to do is press play.” You shoo him into the living room as you pour the popcorn into a bowl. For the perfect balance of sweet and salty, you also fish out a bag of M&M’s, pouring them into a separate bowl.

“Hey Buck! Do you want a drink?” You ask as if this was normal for the two of you. Nothing about this was normal but, you can’t help but feel as if this was the most natural thing in the world. James had already seen you at your absolute worst, you didn’t have to pretend around him and it was amazing.

He answers with a Water’s fine Sugar and your cheeks ache from the silly grin that takes over your face as you fill two glasses. Years of practice has you precariously yet perfectly balancing the dishes on your arms as you make your way into the living room.

Bucky jumps up from the couch to grab the bowls out of your hands, setting them on the table before taking a seat on the couch. You were thankful you had insisted on buying all the furniture in your home; the small L-shaped sectional was perfect for the times you had everyone over. You plop down onto it, directly across from James.

“The hell is skim milk?” He asks, face twisted into a frown when one of the characters mentions it.

“Milk with little to no fat. It’s pretty common nowadays.” You explain while grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“We definitely didn’t have that in my day.”

“Right, I always forget that you’re an old man.” The tease makes him perk up a bit and, with a wicked grin, he turns to face you on the sofa.

“You’re gonna want to take that back sweetheart.” He warns.

“What are you now? two-hundred and fifty something?”

You hadn’t spoken to anyone like this other than Matt and Foggy in years, it gave you a rush you hadn’t felt in a long time. The feeling of butterflies had become a distant memory but, they hit you full force when his blue eyes lock onto to yours. Not even the pillow that narrowly misses you is enough to dampen the feeling.

“I thought you were a sniper Sargent? You must’ve lost your touch in your old age.” The next pillow hits you square in the chest and a squeal escapes your mouth before you can stop it. Bastard.

“You were saying?” The smirk that grows on his face is almost too cocky but, still obnoxiously endearing.

You want to retaliate but, instead you stand up to grab the wayward pillow off of the floor. You had a feeling that if you started a war, it would end in something neither of you were ready for. With all the pillows back on the couch you allow yourself to be submersed in the movie, laughing at all the parts you’d seen a thousand times, silently thankful that James was as well.

As the hour gets later, the impending confrontation weighs on your mind heavily with your eyes straying to the door every couple of minutes in anticipation. Not even the bonfire party depicted on the screen was able to capture your full attention.

“That’s all he has?” James asks, nodding towards the boxes when he notices how distracted you are.

“Mhmm. I bought the house and all of the furniture myself. Apparently being a cop doesn’t pay all too well.” You mused whilst staring at the cardboard. Fifteen years of your relationship was packed away in between his shirts and pants: all the jewelry, save your wedding band, and all of your photos together had been tossed in with his things. You didn’t want any reminders of all the years you had wasted upon Patrick Voight.

“What do you do to afford a home in Manhattan? Is it a secret drug cartel? You can tell me, I won’t rat you out.” You knew he was trying to get you to laugh and it worked. The sound bubbling up from your chest and into the air before it dawns on you he didn’t know what you did for a living.

“I wish.” You sigh dramatically. “I’m-“ Your alarm going off cuts your sentence off, signifying that it was time to feed Laysa. “Actually, let me show you. Wait here!”

You abandon him in the living room while you open the nursery door. Laysa’s already awake and mewling up a storm as you bundle her in your arms. “Settle down beautiful.” You whisper. “I have someone I want you to meet.”

She quiets down long enough for you to walk back to the living room and see James nervously rubbing his palms on his pants, looking as if he were about to be sick. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was nervous.

“James- Sorry… Bucky meet Laysa.” You keep your voice low as to not startle her and you unwrap the blanket around her. He’s out of his seat and in front of you almost faster than you could blink. Once her face is uncovered, he gasps.

“Wha- I thought- What is she?” He stutters as he takes in her white fur spotted with black and arctic eyes just like his own. His mouth drops open in wonder when she squeaks.

“She’s a snow leopard cub. I’m a keeper at the Bronx Zoo as well as a zoologist and wildlife rehabilitator; her mother had twins but, Laysa got ill so she ignored her to focus on the healthier cub. It’s not all that uncommon in the wild and if this happened in their homeland of Siberia, Laysa wouldn’t have made it through the first night. She needed round the clock care and I already had the nursery set up from when I had to take in some macaws.” You explain, rubbing under the cub’s chin. “What did you think Laysa was?”

James’ cheeks redden at your question and you feel your own face heat up. He didn’t-

“I thought you had a baby.” He admits sheepishly before meeting your eyes. “This… isn’t what I was expecting.”

You can’t help but laugh as you grab his hand and place it on Laysa’s head. “If I had a child and found out Patrick was cheating on me, nothing on this planet would be able to save him.”

You meant it and you had the resources to follow through.

But, that wasn’t something James should know about just yet… or ever. Not when he looked so tender stroking the small cub.

“Can you hold her while I make her bottle?” Once again, you don’t wait for confirmation before handing her off to him and going to the kitchen to heat up her meal; enjoying the milk while you can. Soon enough she’s going to be on a raw meat diet and you were not looking forward to cutting up bloody deer and pig.

By the time you arrive back to the living room, James is sat on the couch, Layla settling onto his lap, both entranced by the television. You don’t think twice before snapping a picture to send to Sam later, sure that he’d love to poke fun at Barnes for going soft.

Though, soft isn’t a word you’d use to describe James Barnes. Quite the opposite actually. The man was a wall of rippling and glistening muscle. Muscle that had invaded what little sleep you had gotten since meeting him.

You didn’t mind it all too much as long as it kept Patrick off of your mind.

You take your seat opposite to the man, almost immediately being ambushed by a little ball of fur who had just seemed to notice the bottle in your hand. Laysa’s steps were stuttered and clumsy but, you saw them as progress, last week she could barely move.

“Look at you go!” You coo, scooping her up when she gets close and she eagerly takes the bottle. She really had done a complete three-sixty from when you first brought her home. You loved working with animals and you loved being able to watch them in their natural habitat from afar but, being able to hold and nurse them was incredible.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to the zoo before.” James voices before taking a drink and you let out an exaggerated gasp.

“That just won’t do.” You tsk, readjusting the bottle. “You should come when I go back to full time. You can even bring Steve; we have senior discounts.”

He glares at you playfully before setting his glass down and settling back onto the couch; back leaning against the armrest and legs sprawled out on the cushions. He looked more relaxed than he had the entire time you’d known him and it brings a warm smile to your face.

Laysa finishes her bottle and is asleep almost instantly; instead of putting her back in the nursery, you wrap her in a blanket and set her on the couch next to you.

“Y’know I told everyone you had a kid. Stevie almost hunted down Patrick himself when he found out, Nat had to stop him. Then, when you talked about how sick she was, Nat had to stop me from hunting him down.” He confesses, eyes never leaving the little bundle next to you.

“Good to know family means a lot to you superheroes.” You laugh quietly, eyes drifting from the screen to the figure laying across from you.  “You’re going to have to wait in line behind Matt and Foggy though and that’s only if they get to him before Elle does.”

Yes, Elektra made it very clear that she’s first in line if Patrick tries something after today.

Barnes raises an eyebrow but says nothing as he grabs a handful of M&M’s, giving you an idea. You and Foggy used to do this during late night’s studying at Cambridge; after discovering Matt’s abilities you roped him into it too. Whenever any of you got too overwhelmed, it was tradition to have a movie night complete with the game.

“Hey, see if you can make one into my mouth. If you make it, you can either ask me a truth or to do a dare.” You prompt, mimicking his positioning by leaning against the back of the couch and bringing your feet up onto the cushions.  “If you miss, it’s my turn.”

“You have to answer?” He clarifies, already settling into a suitable position and you nod giddily. Patrick never played the game with you; said it was childish and not worth his time. You found yourself comparing Bucky to Patrick a lot in the past few days. “Who’s first?”

Just as the Apache relay in the movie begins, so does your competition with the Avenger on your couch as you open your mouth expectantly. You realize your mistake as the first M&M falls into your mouth with ease. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t smart to ask an Avenger grade sniper to play your candy truth or dare game.

James doesn’t even try to hide his cocky grin. “What’s the worst dare you’ve had to do because of this game?”

Oh he was going straight for the jugular. Sadly, you didn’t have to think too hard. Matt and Foggy were a little fucked in the brain if you were being honest.

The drop of chocolate melts on your tongue and you hum in satisfaction before answering. “It’s a toss up between having to streak across campus naked and having to down half a bottle of tequila. Consequently those were on the same night so yeah.”

His blue eyes widen in shock and you try to play it off as no big deal with a shrug. That was definitely your most memorable college experience and one you hadn’t even told Patrick about because you were sure he would have had a conniption.

“Naked?! You ran across a campus naked?”

“Mhm. Cambridge was never the same after Foggy, Matt, and I went.”

He mouths the word Cambridge in disbelief before a smirk takes its place. “I guess I have no choice but to believe you.”

“Actually, I think Foggy still has a video of it. He planned on playing it at my wedding but, Matt and I vetoed the idea.”

You shuddered to think what would have happened if your two hundred plus guests had to witness your blurry and naked form dashing through the dark with Matt and Foggy’s laughter in the background. You mother probably would have dropped dead right there.

“That’s a wedding I would have paid to be at.” He laughs. “I didn’t even have a proper one. Claire wanted a courthouse.”

“I almost wish I had a courthouse ceremony.” You admit whilst grabbing a handful of chocolate. “I ended up having people I didn’t even know watching what was supposed to be the best day of my life. All I can remember from that day was thanking Patrick’s twice removed great step aunt for her attendance and that my dress was the most hideous thing I’d ever laid eyes on.”

With a roll of your eyes, you motion for him to open his mouth and he does so with a smirk. Unfortunately for you, your aim wasn’t as good as James’ or Matt’s and the piece of candy ends up smacking him in the cheek before falling only to be caught mid-air by a metal fist.

Show off.

You stick your tongue out in a childish form of retaliation and an incredulous laugh falls from the man’s lips. Embarrassment heats your face and you open your mouth reluctantly, signaling the continuation of the game in order to prevent a snarky comment from Barnes.

Once again the candy lands in your mouth effortlessly and you groan. You hear him clear his throat and you brace yourself.

“What’s your favorite kind of food?”

The game takes off from there with Barnes managing to make every candy but one into your mouth and asking you questions that can only be considered mildly invasive where as you had more candy on the floor than you did in your hand, only making two or three of your shots.

“What’s your favorite memory from before the war?” You ask and it clearly catches him off guard. You almost feel bad before remembering the reason for the game. It was to get to know each other beyond what was currently happening.

He tells you his favorite memory about Steve spending their train money on hot dogs and it has you laughing so hard that tears come to your eyes.

“Y-You spent how much on a stuffed animal?” You choke on a laugh as you try to catch your breath and soon enough, he’s laughing along with you, both of you oblivious to the door unlocking.

A candy pelts your shoulder and you retaliate with two thrown in his general direction, neither of which hit.

“I thought you’d be good at this doll. This is your game.” The way he chuckles send a shiver straight down your spine and you brush off the feeling by throwing a pillow at him which he catches easily. Anything to get to hear him laugh like that again. James had a nice laugh that came from his stomach and reverberated around you like his embrace from earlier.

“Oh my God.”

Yours and James’ heads snap towards the door where the two people you dreaded seeing were stood, mouths open and eyes wide in shock. Patrick and Claire were here and you and James had been too caught up in each other to notice. The thought made a smug and downright cruel smirk grow on your face which only widens when James walks to your side of the couch and offers his hand to help you stand.

You and James were a united front and it appeared that he wanted them to know it.

Your eyes abandon his blue ones and look towards Patrick. He was seething, you could see it in his eyes but, you could also see the fear. After all, he had just been caught with the Winter Soldier’s wife and James could snap him in half with his vibranium arm tied behind his back.

Despite the victorious feeling in your chest, you seem to be at a loss for words. You want to yell. To scream in their faces that they were caught and they were about to lose the best things to ever happen to them. Instead you scoff.

“About damn time you got here.” You scowl, picking up the stack of papers on the coffee table and handing the top one to the man beside you. He takes it with a poorly whispered Thanks sweetheart and you know it’s because he wants to get under Patrick and Claire’s skin.

It works.

“Y/N, baby w-what is this?” Patrick stutters next to a teary Claire who looks nothing less than ashamed. They were caught and they both knew it but, Patrick never was one to go down without a fight.

“This.” You motion between the minimal space between you and James, anger rising in your chest. “Is my good friend Bucky. You’d never guess how we met. When was it again?”

There’s a bite to your words that makes Claire wince and you want to throttle her. She didn’t get to act scared and sorry now. She sure as hell wasn’t scared or sorry when she was destroying her marriage and hurting the man who had vowed to love her for the rest of their lives.

Your eyes flicker to Bucky’s blue ones and underneath the anger, you could still see the sadness that was currently weighing your own heart down. You could read him like a book and you were both on the same page.

He pretends to think for a moment before answering. “Three days ago. I believe I ran all the way here after finding out the guy who my wife was cheating on me with had a wife of his own. I’d say we bonded pretty quickly. Shared life experience will do that.”

His words cut like a knife and you love it. All you had seen was James Barnes the gentleman, this was new and exciting. Dare you say, attractive even.

“B-Buck-“ Claire sobs and you can’t stop the scoff the leaves your throat. “It d-didn’t mean anything. I swear. I love you m-more than anything.”

Her words set something off in the man next to you and he growls; the sound shaking your very core. You hand finds his arm on its own vocation and, as calmly as you can, make your way towards the shell-shocked pair. Ignoring Patrick in favor of leveling a glare at the woman who tore your marriage, your life apart. Maybe it was petty of you but, you honestly didn’t see what either man saw in Claire. You were thoroughly unimpressed.

“If you loved him, this would have never happened.” You seethe, inches away from her face. “I’ve known him for seventy-two hours and I can already see that he is a kind, caring, selfless man who deserves much better than you. You’re pathetic. A sniveling little girl who isn’t a fraction of the woman he deserves. You’re a rat. My husband is a rat. And if you know what’s good for you, you’d save your bullshit apologies and words for your fucking lawyer.”

A firm grip on your arm causes you to gasp and turn towards your soon-to-be ex-husband but, as soon as you register his hand on you, it’s wretched away by sleek metal.

“You don’t get to touch her.” James warns, flinging Patrick to the floor in a heap. Without a second glance to him, he turns to Claire and forces the papers into her hands. You let your stack fall onto the man on the ground.

“Your shits packed Patrick. Take it and get the hell out of my house.” You mock in your bitchiest voice before looping an arm through James’. “I was thinking Thai tonight. Sound good?”

Patrick mumbles something under his breath and you just know it’s something snide; you want to shrug it off but, something deep in your gut wants to fight with him. Scream. Yell. Curse.

“What was that?” You ask in a sickly-sweet voice, daring him to repeat his words for all of you to hear. You know he will. He always rises to the bait.

“I said you’re a raging bitch.” He shuffles to his feet with a glare directed at you. Bucky bristles beside you and mumble for him to let it go. To let you handle it.

“If me throwing your lying ass out onto the streets means I’m a raging bitch, then I guess I am. But, I’d rather be a raging bitch than a washed up, dishonorably discharged, peaked in high school, disrespectful to his mother, wannabe Avenger, who can’t match his own fucking clothes.” The insults spew out of your mouth like dragon’s breath and it burns him with how calm you sound. You knew raising your voice would give him the satisfaction he craved so you held out.

“Do you wanna know why Y/N? Do you want to know why all of this happened?” You open your mouth to say no but, he keeps talking. “When I got dusted. My last thought was damn, I’m dead and I wasted half my life on an ugly cow who thinks she’s hot shit because she went to college!”

His words were like a slap in the face but, you’d rather die than let it show so, you force a laugh out of your lungs.

“I didn’t just go to college. I got two fucking Doctorates.” You seethe, gripping onto James’ arm for some kind of ground.

“Oh and I’m sure your parents would be very proud of you if they didn’t abandon you on the side of the road like trash!”

Whatever you were going to say next gets caught in your throat. You never spoke of your parents and Patrick knew that. He knew it was a line he was never supposed to cross. You’d kept your insecurities close to your chest; not even telling Matt, Foggy, or-

“Get out.” Your voice cracks and, when he doesn’t move, you end up yelling. “Get the fuck out!”

“And I’m sure they’d love to hear about you shacking up with a HYDRA assassin. You’ve been surrounded by scum all your life, why should I be surprised.”

“Patrick-“ Claire gasps yet, no one pays her any mind. She was background noise to the firefight between you and your husband. You almost feel guilty- this wasn’t just about you and Patrick; Bucky was supposed to get his time to confront Claire as well but, for some stupid reason, you hadn’t been expecting this.

You hadn’t expected the man you love to open your stitched wounds by shoving a hot knife into them. Suddenly, you stand up straight and before you realize it, your phone is in your hand.

Your birth parents may have abandoned you, your adoptive parents may have passed away, but you still had family. You still had him and you were a fool for thinking you shouldn’t rely on him.

The ringing doesn’t last a full second before the call connects and a raspy voice shoots the fear of god into your soon-to-be ex-husband. A god named Frank Castle.

“Yeah sis? E’vrything all right?” He grunts, probably in the middle of his daily workout. You had two choices; handle this like an adult or…

“Frankie?!” You sob dramatically with a truly wicked smile on your face. “H-He’s been cheating on me and-“

The phone cuts off as soon as the words leave your mouth and your eyes meet Patrick’s wide ones.

“You better start running baby.” You hiss. “Hope you have a good place to hide. I don’t think The Punisher is going to show the man who broke his baby sister’s heart much mercy.”

You hated the nickname but, it struck fear into the hearts of all who heard it. Beside you Bucky barks out a laugh.

Maybe not everyone.

Regardless, time is of the essence and Patrick knows it because he’s instantly scrambling. The way he trips over his own feet to take his meager possessions has you humming in satisfaction. Watching him panic makes you feel vindicated. He was going to pay for hurting you.

You knew the feeling was temporary, so you revel in it while you can.

“Leave your key. I want these papers signed and then I never want to see you again.” You order and the papers are signed and in your hand within minutes.

Without so much as a goodbye or sorry, he leaves. Abandoning you and the life you two had built together. Abandoning Claire to face you and James alone. A coward- through and through. How had you been so blind this whole time? This was who Patrick was- who he had been all your lives.

Fifteen years and he was able to just turn his back on it all. Leave like it didn’t matter.

Like you didn’t matter.

God, you wish it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“The apartment’s yours.” Bucky voices after a moment of silence and a sharp laugh leaves your lips when Claire sobs. “I advise you apply for a transfer though. Natasha made it very clear what will happen if she sees you again.”

You watch as she reaches for him before her hand falters mid-air, consequently falling back to her side and tightening into a fist.

“You’re going to regret this.” She hisses even though tears are falling from her eyes. “You’re nothing without me.”

Your breath catches in your throat when Bucky stiffens next to you. This bitch…

“Without me all you are is a stupid, needy, little HYD-“

Your fist throbs instantly and it takes you a moment to realize what you had just done. Eyes wide, you stare at the red welt on Claire’s cheek, down to your fist, and up to James, who is looking back with eyes just as wide.

“Did you just punch me?!” She shrieks, both hands flying up to cover her cheek.

“Yeah.” You mumble after a beat of silence before clearing your throat. “I did and I want you out of my home before I give you a matching bruise on the other side as well.”

She sputters in disbelief before turning her eyes back to Bucky who, once he’s over his shock, just shrugs. “You heard her. We’re done here.”

With a stomp of her foot and a childish wail, she stalks out the door and you follow, slamming it after her.

Silence envelops the room and you’re acutely aware of Bucky’s eyes on you. Shuffling your feet, you garner the courage to look him in his eyes. 

“That went well.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: @luthien-t​ @vicmc624​

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Do Me

Summary: You hate each other but there’s something just so sexy about him.

Words: 4.9k

Pairing(s): Hoseok x (female) Reader, Slight Jin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: First Person POV, mature language, sexual humor, graphic sexual descriptions, the sex feels kinda real, reader doesn’t say it but it looks like she’s a virgin, mentions of open relationships, this entire story is literally a buildup to a gangbang also kinda badly written but that’s the charm

                               ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He glared at me as I ran across the field, my shorts riding up my thighs and flashing him quite a bit of skin. I knew what he wanted, it was clear that he wanted to get me angry too.

Hoseok and I share a complicated relationship. He pushes, I pull. We’ve been at odds with each other since we met in ninth grade Algebra, as he was cocky since he knew he was the best looking boy in our grade. However, I never succumbed to his charms. I knew he was good looking, obviously, but he had a rotten attitude.

We became something like friends, since he was newly single and looking for a new girlfriend, and he naturally attached himself to me. Things were steady for a while but it changed after my 18th birthday. He had a girlfriend at the time and he opted to ditch my birthday party for her. 

The next day when I went back to school, I confronted him and poured my heart out to him. He ended the conversation, telling me his true feelings,

“I would’ve come but I wasn’t free! We would’ve had a blast together.” He looked visibly hurt and I could feel my face burning up. I sighed, turning away from him and sitting down in my own desk as he continued staring at me with those ice-cold grey eyes.

He returned my attitude with his own sour mood, reverting back to his older, fuckboy self. I hated him passionately, saving my tears for another guy who deserved them. I started dating his best friend, ironically.

We had to force a mutual tolerance for each other, he had to grimace as I greeted him “hello” every day at lunch and whenever he left, we made conversation. It went a little something like this:

“So how was your day?”

“You and I will never be friends.”

“I just asked you how you were doing, geez.” And then we would go back to our phones, pretending like nothing happened as Danny returned. 

We broke up a little over a month ago but something definitely changed between me and Hoseok again. We hated each other, but with every eye roll and glare, there was tension.

I couldn’t believe it, but every time he yelled in my face, I got wet. I started thinking of him whenever I masturbated, his lips on my clit, or his cock rubbing against my thighs, and how warm he’d feel against my cold skin.

I never told him about my fantasies, instead channeling all my anger at him, till it reached him directly.

Currently, we were in gym class and we haven’t said a word to each other. He slipped a note into my hand, just as we were about to go change. I read in his messy handwriting “Meet me in the boys locker room after everyone leaves.”

I waited, making sure there were no teachers or students in the proximity before sneaking into the boys locker room through the unlocked connected door that the teachers seemingly forgot to lock. 

When I slipped into the room, Hoseok was half naked, wearing only his pants as he smirked in my direction. I grit my teeth seeing his cocky grin and wanting to slap him silly but also wanting to kiss those soft lips and run my fingers through his hair. The connection between us was an unexplainable one. I was angry at him, but at the same time I wanted to get railed by him.

“What do you want?” I hiss, as he backs me into a locker.

“Why do you think I asked you to meet me alone?”

“I don’t know...” He grunts, caging me against a wall as I suck in a deep breath, trying to control my wild heartbeat. 

“Don’t play coy with me, missy.” I let out a sigh, rolling my eyes at him.

“You don’t scare me.”

“I was just gonna apologize.”

“For what?” When I turned back to look at him, he was inches away from me, his lips above mine. They were juicy and plump and I know I couldn’t resist any longer.

“For this,” He gives me the satisfaction of feeling those lips, his breath fanning across my face as the lights suddenly went out in the room and we were left in darkness. “Damn motion sensors. Now come on, let me take you home.” Normally I’d argue with him but I was too tired to put up a fight this time. Luckily since gym was the last class of the day, I could go straight home to shower. The school shower rooms would require me to shower and change all at the same time but going home would mean only showering and changing then taking a nap without worrying about classes afterwards.

“We’re here.” When I open my eyes after five minutes, Hoseok has pulled up in front of my house.

I thank him curtly before walking back home with my head hung low. What’s wrong with me? He waits for me to go inside before pulling back out the driveway  and retreating to his own home.

As I laid in my bed recounting the days events, I wondered what the hell I was thinking, kissing him like that.

I touched my lips again, feeling the familiar warmth arise in my chest as I take in a deep breath. I pull the covers over me and I decided to sleep on it.

The next day isn’t much better. Hoseok hasn’t said a word to me and I haven’t really talked to him either. I finally swallowed my pride during lunch, approaching him with a heavy heart.

“You know, it’s funny that we...yesterday...” Suddenly I can’t seem to find the words after looking into his deep grey eyes. He looks a lot more different today.

“Can we forget about it? I screwed up,” He sighs as I lean against the window next to me, watching him curiously as he turns to me with a red apple in hand. “I only asked you to meet me yesterday so we could talk about the elephant in the room.”

“Which might be...?” I urge him to continue but he just grunted before kicking the wall behind him and avoiding my gaze once more.

“Just drop it.” I step in front of him, blocking him from running away. He looked up at me with those same eyes which get me every time, and all was lost again. 

“Tell me, what did you really want to talk to me about?” He clenched his jaw, leaning in close, lips only millimeters away from my mouth.

“I want you.” I surprised myself by what I said next.

“Then come get me.” I walked away without saying much else, impressing myself with how bold I acted with Hoseok, my sworn enemy. Furthermore, was he seriously courting me? We hate each other. I don’t understand why he’s intent on getting into my pants. His hands probably don’t satisfy him anymore. 

“What’s up with you?” One friend of mine asks as I walk back to the lunch table empty handed. 

“Hoseok.” I reply with a small smile. 

“I thought you guys weren’t friends anymore. What did he want?” She asks, not really prying but still interested enough to ask. 

“Homework, or something like that.” 

“Oh my god, speaking of homework, earlier this boy in my physics class said something sexist.”

“What did he say?” Judging by her tone, he really pissed her off. 

“He said us girls are like homework, guys just do us.” I raise an eyebrow, shaking my head in disbelief. 

“Wow, he said that?”

“Yeah. And he’s not just any guy, he’s a freshman, his name was Jungkook.” I slap a hand on my cheek in shock.

“The basketball player who got into the varsity team after trying out?”

“That’s the one.” She chatters on about how annoying he acts and then moves onto her boyfriend, Jin. He’s handsome, smart, and very charming. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s gay but he has dispelled the rumors himself. He was seen kissing a guy at a rave but he denied everything and said he was experimenting.

Jin is an interesting character, but even so he’s too good to be true. Much better than Hoseok, that’s for sure.

“Hey Y/N.” He makes his way over to me after his girlfriend leaves to go buy a parfait.

“Hi Jin.” I wave at him, not keeping my gaze on him any longer than I should. It would be highly inappropriate if I showed more interest in my friend’s boyfriend, especially since he was a known player. 

“So I was planning on throwing a little after party for the team this weekend, and I was wondering if you would come?” I shrug as his lips curl up into an attractive smile. My heart is racing at the speed of light, but I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of him just yet.

“What’s in it for me?”

“I could introduce you to some of my friends. You’re a pretty girl, and I’m sure you get asked out all the time. It’s a shame you’re single, though.” I cross my arms as he flatters me, sitting on the edge of my seat as this gut feeling tells me to run away. I don’t want to run, there is nothing threatening about Jin in the slightest. I’m just intimidated.

“Okay, sure.” So maybe things didn’t go as planned. If things go well enough at the party, on the upside I could end up meeting the love of my life.

“I’ll ask Bae to send you the details.” 

“Hey.” He stands in front of me, sweat dripping off his forehead as he dabs his face with a towel.

“Hey yourself.” I give Hoseok a forced smile before walking over to the cooler to refill my water bottle.

“Spring ended pretty quickly, didn’t it?” He tries to keep the conversation going but I’m too focused on the game to care.

“I guess. Oh, the other team made it!”

“You like basketball?” He scans the boys first before turning back to me. 

“It’s fun. What’s it to you? Aren’t you supposed to be running track?”

“I am, well I was. It started raining outside and coach made us run laps around the gym section. Yep, I ran 103 laps.” I smirk, pulling his towel off his shoulder.

“You might want to get back in there. I can already hear the coach screaming for you to get back to the upper gym.” His nose scrunches up as he looks at his watch in disdain.

“Oh shit, I was supposed to be there like 5 minutes ago. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye.” I wave him off, tossing the towel into the nearest laundry bin I could find.

After the basketball team wins with a solid 21 points in the lead, we all head down to Jin’s house to celebrate. It felt awkward at first, since I was invited by Jin but he was hanging out with his girlfriend the entire time and I was third wheeling, but by the time I had the fourth drink, it was perfect.

Jin’s hand is on my shoulder as I tell him things that people with only crude humor understand, and while Bae was busy in the bathroom, I got introduced to Jungkook, the star player and his equally bitchy girlfriend, Raini.

“Hey guys, it’s been a long day but I think we ought to play some 7 minutes in heaven, don’t you think?” I hold up my coke can as one of the players makes a suggestion.

“Wait, aren’t some of you guys in relationships?” Raini and Bae have similar reactions, as they step forward out of the small crowd of people, sitting by my side while stroking my hair (and making me uncomfortable if I might add) and complimenting my lip tint.

“We’re both in open relationships, me and my boyfriend are like this so we won’t let anything like sex get in the way of our romance.” I scratch my head as Raini puts her fingers together, not really reassuring me since her nails were longer than my legs and she clearly didn’t give a fuck about who her boyfriend was sticking his cock inside.

“I’m not in a relationship, but I do know that if I was it would probably be closed.” I lunge forward, catapulting myself off the couch as I try running anywhere they aren’t. These girls are intimidating, they aren’t ashamed of their sexual ambitions and they were open to anything. Whereas, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a boy in bed. Sex makes me flustered, what can I say?

“Hey, where are you going cutie? The party’s barely started.” Jungkook suddenly had his arms around me, his body stinking of cologne and sweat. I expected a citrus scent from him since that’s what all the girls who slept with him said but instead I was met with a nasty odor that clogged up my nose.

“Jungkook, stop being such a dick. Can’t you see she doesn’t want to hang out with you?” When I met eyes with Hoseok again, I knew I couldn’t let him go again. I need to have him at my fingertips, preferably under me because I wanted to take control. I want to do to him what he did to me.

“Oh sorry man, didn’t know she was your girl. I was under the impression that you two hated each other,” Jungkook stares straight ahead, searching his eyes for an answer. When Hoseok grips my hand and I don’t say a word, Jungkook backs away. “Alright, be that way. Just don’t come bitchin’ to me when she messes up your shit again.” Jungkook pushed past Hoseok as I stood behind him, pondering what he could have possibly meant by me “messing his shit up.” He might have liked me in the past. Just when I thought I had him all figured out, he goes and pulls this on me.

“Hoseok, wait,” I stop him before he tries walking away. “What did Jungkook mean?”

“I don’t have time for this.” He sighs, trying to push past me as I block the way again.

“Please tell me the truth.”

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” My heart stops when he closes in on me, kissing me softly as I sigh into his lips. 

“That’s all, isn’t it? Tell me, do you feel the same way I do?” I ask as we break the kiss.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He gives me a heart-shaped smile, pulling me into an empty bedroom. He kissed me with more passion this time, his lips practically glued to mine as he pushed me down on the bed. He crawls over me, trapping my body with his. I want this. I feel every fiber of my being heat up with lust, all because of him. Why does he have to be so freaking sexy? “Are you sure about this?” He asks as I pull off my top and kick off my pants. Lips parted as he stared at me in awe, he waited for me to answer. He already had his shirt off, so I had trouble concentrating on what he had to say because he looked yummy.

“Yes.” I pull him down on top of me for a kiss, gasping a bit from the bone crushing weight of his torso as he rests his body on mine momentarily. 

“Sorry, almost blacked out there for a second.” He smirks at me as I shake my head.

“It’s no problem, princess.” He nips my lower lip slightly before moving down to my neck, leaving kisses as he tosses my bra aside.

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” I smacked my lips together, giggling as my lip gloss was smeared all over his face from our sloppy kisses. I feel a string of saliva dribble down my chin as he unbuckles his pants.

“Can I suck you off first?” I feel shy all of a sudden, and considering that I was more naked than he was at the moment, it doesn’t really add up.

“Of course, sweetheart,” His eyes wander down my figure as I crawl to the edge of the bed, blushing as I see his hard-on. “Now don’t go getting all shy on me, babe. Why don’t you start by opening your mouth and you can suck the tip first?” The tip, right. I was completely inexperienced with anything sex-related. Hoseok gently caressed my hair, sucking in a breath as I brought my lips down and closed my mouth around his shaft, slowly falling into a rhythm as he parts his lips, rocking his hips forward, now thrusting his hard cock into my mouth every once in a while, the head twitching and jerking with Hoseok’s spasms.

“Shit,” He groans, watching me as I gag a bit on his dick. My ear throat burns but an overwhelming feeling of lust clouds my vision. I made him weak. “You’re so good at this, baby,” I continue sucking his cock, taking him deeper in my mouth once I get the hang of it. I was bobbing my head up and down in a repetitive motion, watching him with wondrous eyes as he releases the most delicious noises. I feel more dominant, reducing the Hoseok Jung into nothing more but a moaning mess of pleasure. “Move further down, the base...ahhhh that’s more like it.” 

“Are you cumming?” I giggle as he rolls his hips forward, feeling my head between his legs as gently as possible.

“If you keep at it, yeah. I will.” 

“In my mouth?” His jaw drops open as I pout, looking up at him with a twinkle of mischief in my eyes.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I just thought—”

“I was kidding. But I’m not a fan of the taste.” I smack my lips, managing to swallow a bit of the residue.

“Same here. I think cum tastes disgusting but eating pussy is what I’m best at.” I raise a brow at him as he starts bragging about his skill. There he goes again, gloating about something in my face as we’re in the middle of a moment. It’s ridiculous, he just won’t stop being annoying. So, I decided to amp up my game. Feeling the lightbulb go off above my head, I look up at him as his dick goes limp in my hands.

“Quiet. Why don’t you do something useful with your mouth for once in your life and just get on your knees, bitch?” He winced, giving me that look most boys give me when I’ve said something outrageous. I might have gone overboard with calling him a bitch, but as far as insults go, it’s not my worst.

“Whoa, you could’ve said it nicely. If you wanna get eaten out, all you gotta do is ask, baby.” I smirk, pushing my thighs together as Hoseok reaches down to grab my throbbing clit. 

“Don’t call me “baby.” I’m not yours, I’m my own person,” He yanks his hand free, staring at my clear fluids coating his fingertips as I cross my legs. “I guess the toy became the player. Come here.”

“What’s up with you?” Hoseok asks as he crawls between my legs.

“I was just trying something but I didn’t like it. Got me feeling tight.” Hoseok lets out a chuckle as I tell him what was bugging me earlier.

“That’s a good feeling. It means you’re enjoying yourself.”

“No, it’s not. I called you a bitch and disrespected you by calling you a player. I’m sorry that I’m like this.” 

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” His soft voice makes my heart flutter. He’s speaking to me in such a soothing voice and with a buttery tone that just makes me want to suck his cock all day. Damn, I’m horny.

“I just want this to be perfect, for both of us.”

“It’s already perfect.” He kisses the back of my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine after. Our palms were sweaty and sticky, and my breath smells nasty. I should have brought some gum.

“Please continue. I won’t stop you,” We share a smile as Hoseok brings his tongue down to lick my clit, finally reaching my bud as he kisses my pussy with the utmost care. He makes sure not to accidentally bite me, his lips massaging my heat as pleasure overtakes me and I feel a strange sensation like I’m about to explode. But it’s not like peeing, it just feels very good.

“Hoseok!” I call out his name once as he slurps me up with his pink tongue, now with his lips barely even grazing the surface, as his tongue does most of the work, from the inside. I can feel him, my nipples hardened the moment his mouth touched my pussy. I felt close. Whatever that meant. When I started tensing up, instead of stopping me, he started rubbing his nose against my pussy, thrusting his slick tongue into me at a quick pace. “I’m gonna cum!” I cry as his tongue dances across my labia, and I gasp out of shock and relief after the cum spews all over his face.

A knock on the door interrupts us as Hoseok pulls away from my wet heat and he gets up, sighing as I cover myself with the blankets, still recovering from the mind-blowing orgasm.

“You can’t be up here. I get that you’re trying to enjoy the moment but my sheets are new and I’d rather not put them in the laundry right away.”

“I didn’t think you’d kill the mood so quickly, Jin,” Hoseok seems to have a silent stare down with the boy as he stands at the doorway, peering into the room with prying eyes. “I’ll be back.” Hoseok tells me, shutting the door and stepping out in nothing but his boxers.

It was getting cold, without his warmth and pleasurable tongue disappearing between my folds once again as promised.

“What took you so long?” I ask when he finally comes back after 10 minutes.

“Sorry. Just needed to sort some stuff out with the boys.”

“What?” 

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter now. Jin said he’s okay with us doing it on his bed.”

“Well now I just feel bad. Come on, at least fuck me on the rug.” Hoseok smirks as I lower my ass to the ground, leaning forward as he gets behind me.

“If you’re sure about this…” 

“What are you talking about? My ass is literally—Oh, OH.” I choke back my tears as he splits my pussy in half. I felt an excruciating pain first before I was wet enough to the point where he could slide right in.

“Fuck yes.” Hoseok’s sloppy thrusts get smoother over time as I loosen up, it feels more amazing as he fucks me harshly, his testes slapping against my ass and all. I felt my core clench all of a sudden, and an all-too familiar feeling creeping up on me again.

“Hobi…” 

“I know, baby.” He gropes my boobs as he kisses my neck, sliding his warm hands down my entire body as I bounce back on his dick from an odd angle. He was currently holding my arms back, like reigns as I used gravity to propel myself back on his dick and he pushed his body forward to collide with mine. Our skin made a hard clapping sound, like how skin sounds when you smack it really hard or something.

“I’m a little sore now, fuck my life.” I curse as the back of my thighs clench from being smacked against Hoseok’s toned ones. This man has some rock hard muscles. 

“That’s a little ironic, considering that I’m actually fucking you right now.”

“Hoseok, I’m actually in pain, can't you just help me out just this once?” He sighs, pulling out of me as I moan from the sudden loss of his dick. Who knew I was such a whore for cock?

“Get on the bed.” 

                                                       ⚠️

When I saw him for the first time after our lustful tousle in Jin’s bedroom, he evaded my gaze. I took things in my own hands by texting him to meet me in the locker room after everyone left. I had my doubts at first, but after I heard the heavy footsteps, I felt reassured.

Hoseok was avoiding me.

“What’s your deal?” I ask as he rubs his neck, sweat dripping down his forehead despite him having showered and smelling daisy fresh. 

“I dunno.” He avoids my gaze again, and finally losing my last nerve, I slam him against the lockers, just like he did to me when we were first in here.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hoseok. I don’t appreciate when guys fuck me and then leave me hanging the next day at school. We’re friends, right? What’s got you so shaken up?”

“It’s the...agreement I made with Jin.” I keep my arms on either side of him as he gulps anxiously, his Adam’s apple shining as he swallows his saliva.

“What’s the agreement about?” 

“He asked me...for a turn.” I back away from him, dropping my arm back to my side.

“So you agreed to pimp me out just to fuck me in Jin’s bed?” 

“No, I was gonna take it back but he said that I can’t go back on my word or he would tell everyone that we were..” Hoseok sounded ashamed. He didn’t want any rumors of us and the worst part is that he didn’t even tell me about this stupid deal.

“You know what, this isn’t your problem anymore.”

“What?” He asks as I pick up my bag.

“If you’re embarrassed of me I’ll just go fuck your friends. At least they aren’t afraid of a little pussy.”

“I’m not afraid! And how are you gonna do that? You were extremely shy with me.” He folds his arms, expecting me to run back to him. But I won’t give him the satisfaction, oh no. I’m going to do as I said and fuck Jin. Bae said she was in an open relationship with him anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

“Watch me. You’re totally invited, but I won’t be sucking your dick along with theirs.” I leave him alone in the locker room, taking a pack of gum with me before meeting up with Jin.

“Hey you, I just wanted you to meet the boys before we got started. And in case you want to see any tests we’re all clean and everything is back at Jungkook’s place. His parents own this cool pool house which is five times bigger than my entire house and you’ve been there before so it’s safe to say that you’ll be in good hands.” Jin puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk out to his car.

“Will Hoseok be there too?”

“Yep, and just so he doesn’t break the no-touching rule, we’re tying his arms behind his back and only letting him out to use the bathroom and stroke his dick. It’s gonna be painful!” 

“Sweet. What about the ceiling silks, and rope bounds, gag balls?” I ask.

“Whoa, slow down. We’re not going full BDSM, just some aspects,” I raise an eyebrow at Jin. “Not in front of the whole school, freaky nerd girl.” 

“Could a nerd do this in public?” I place my leg strategically between his legs, resting it on his hardening cock as he groans, blushing a bright red as students passing by whisper and laugh at him as he nearly cums in his pants.

“Okay, release, release! Sorry for calling you a nerd. You’re actually pretty cool, Princess.” I giggle, surprising him with my boldness as I did something so rash in public. After having sex with Hoseok, it’s safe to say that I’m a changed woman.

“Hey!” I say in a warning tone. “Call me that again.” He smirks at me with a familiar look on his face. As we walked off together, Hoseok watched us and when he thought I wasn’t watching, Jin gave him the middle finger. Looks like I stumbled into the middle of something I wasn’t supposed to know about.

End Note: Read second part here

[the-creative-lie]

Caffeine

pairings: loki x reader

genre/warnings: fluff. basically mother hen!loki

word count: 1.4k

summary: reader is a mess of a human who survives on coffee and spite and loki is not having it

notes: based on an ao3 request. if you guys want a part 2 let me know!

You’ve been typing this report for what seems like forever and you still can’t get it right. In all fairness, this is not meant to be your strong suit. You know how to kick butt. You know how to cause a scene. You don’t know how to change the stupid font size on this goddamn thing. Suddenly, the whole screen goes black. Then white. “What the fuck?” you whisper to yourself. You frown. “How-” You start to hit every single key, as if that’s going to do anything. “C’MON YOU PIECE OF SHIT. WORK.” “You know that’s only making it worse, right?” Loki shows up next to you. Or maybe he was already there. How long has he been there? You look at your surroundings and realize that the lights are pretty much out, and that everyone seems to have gone to bed.

“Well excuse me if I don’t take computer advice from a three hundred year old alien god from space,” you huff. “What time is it?”

He takes the computer from your hands and puts it down on the coffee table. “Darling, it’s two am.” Your eyes widen.“Ah, fuck. I didn’t- what-” “Have you eaten anything?” he asks, annoyed. He always has that face around him. You tend to test his patience. He wants to take care of you, so he doesn’t understand why you don’t want to take care of yourself. “I… huh…” you ramble, still confused and trying to connect all the dots of how exactly you let  four hours just pass you by without noticing. “Coffee.” “That’s not an answer,” he frowns. “It’s also not food. Let’s go, I’ll make you something.” You run your hand through your face, frustrated, and start padding towards the kitchen after him. You go to make yourself another cup of coffee, but Loki just snatches the mug off your hand with a scowl and puts it back on the cupboard. He goes to open the fridge and you could swear you hear him angrily muttering at himself. “You can’t keep extending yourself like this, you know?” he says quietly. He takes out a few eggs and some other stuff from the fridge and starts to whip up some scrambled eggs and toast. You stare at the whole process, a little bit confused, trying to figure out how Loki, of all people, even knows how to make scrambled eggs. “I was just finishing that stupid mission report. It’s not that big of a deal,” you justify, taking a seat on one of Tony’s fancy high stools and laying your elbows on the bar table the team usually has breakfast on. “Today is the mission report. The other night it was gun practice, and then cutting up newspapers to make that frankly creepy murder collage on your bedroom wall.”  He sets the steaming plate in front of you, along with a fork, a napkin and a bottle of water. You practically inhale it all, suddenly realizing how hungry you were. “That’s for a case and you know it! I’m investigating!” you complain, through a mouth full of toast. He stares at you, a mix of disgust and concern in his features. You know exactly what he’s thinking, because he always looks at you like this. How have you managed to stay alive all these years, you idiot?   “It’s weird and pointless and you know it.” He takes a seat beside you. “You haven’t had a proper lead in months. The other day you taped an ad for a birthday clown on it.” “Because he could be disguising as a clown!” “To kill a high ranking CIA agent? In Berlin?” You stare at your empty plate. Well, when he puts it like that… “I think I need to sleep”, you relent. He smiles, smug. “Shut up.” He puts away the dirty dishes and walks you to your room, a steady hand on your lower back. When you get there, you change into your pajamas while he clears your bed of papers, notebooks and pens you have scattered around and sets them on your even messier desk. He lets out a sigh. “Hey, now. Don’t judge. This is how my brain processes things”, you say, coming out of the bathroom. “I don’t say anything when you fold your socks.” “What’s wrong with folding socks?” he exclaims, offended, hands in the air. “It’s weird. Not to mention unnecessary. Who’s gonna notice if you have wrinkles in your socks? Socks don’t work like that”, you argue, getting under the covers as he turns off the lights. “It’s not about the wrinkles, it’s so I don’t lose the pairs.” You can see his scowl even in the darkness, or at least imagine it to perfection. “Then just put them together, like in a ball.” “That ruins the elastic.” You roll your eyes. “That ruins the elastic”, you repeat mockingly in a silly voice. “You’re annoying. Go to sleep.” He kisses your forehead and heads for the door. You call out to him before he can go, “Hey, Loki? Thanks. For taking care of me.” “Of course, kitten. There’s nothing I would rather do”, he replies softly, and closes the door behind him. Loki stands in the hallway for a moment, resting his forehead on your door and mentally cursing himself. There’s nothing I would rather do? What the hell was that? Normally he couldn’t care less about the life of the mortals his brother calls friends. But when it comes to you he’s like a lovesick puppy, and as much as he tries he can’t hide it. Not to mention you don’t make it any easier by not taking proper care of yourself and working yourself to the point of exhaustion. He hears a small chuckle coming from behind, and he turns around to see his brother standing on his own doorframe, amusement in his eyes. Of course, his room is right in front of yours. He forgot. He stands frozen for a moment before composing himself and just like that, he returns to his cold posture. “What are you doing there? It’s the middle of the night”, he snaps. Thor just laughs. “I could ask you the same thing, brother. What brings you to Y/N’s door?” Then he justs stares at him, waiting for an answer. “That’s none of your business, you big oaf.” “I never took you for a caring one, Loki. Are you finally taking a liking to Midgard? Or maybe to one specific Midgardian? ” He crosses his arms and lifts his eyebrows. “I don’t know what you´re talking about”, Loki replies, mirroring his stance. “If I didn’t know you any better, I would think you’re in love, brother”, teases Thor, with a smirk. “Me? In love? With a Midgardian? That’s foolish. You’re…you’re a fool. Nothing but a simple, daft fool.” Loki rolls his eyes and scoffs. Not his best work, but he’s nervous. “You might be the God of Lies, Loki, but not even you can cover this up. I think it’s a good thing. Y/N is already a good influence on you.” “Yeah, well. You’re wrong. And a fool.” “You’ve already said that.” “I was just making myself clear, so your underdeveloped brain could understand me.” “Yeah, sure. I’m going back to bed. Good luck with huh, not being in love, Loki.” “Shut up.” He sighs, exasperated, resting his back on your door. With his head on his hands, he lets out a frustrated sound. One door closes and another one opens, right? That’s exactly what happens, because as soon as Thor goes back into his room, you open your door, sending Loki directly to the floor. “Are you in love with me?” You ask, matter-of-factly, staring at him from above. He panics. “I… huh. No. Well. Kind of. Not really. Why?” he then closes his eyes, defeated. “Yeah,” he whispers, “yeah. You heard that?” “Yup. Listen, I’m in love with you too and all that, but I’m also really tired and I think the fact that I haven’t slept is really starting to hit me because I’m having a hard time just standing here. So, huh. Just come to bed and we can discuss this in the morning, you doofus.” And just like that you go back to sleep, leaving him on the ground with his heart pounding on his chest, unsure of what exactly happened. He hears a loud laugh coming from Thor’s room and that sends him back to his senses. “Shut up!”

[tuiccim]

Santi (Part 5)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 2219

Warnings: Fluff, flirt, smut  

Trigger Warning: Mentions of sexual harassment/assault and torture

Summary: Six weeks later. You (Santi) and Bucky are learning more about each other. 

Santi Masterlist

Day 40

Another morning where you wake up wrapped in Bucky’s arms. It had been almost six weeks since he had moved in. Your relationship was a mixture of passion and ease. Able to kick ass together, be quiet together, and have endless amounts of fun. It just felt right, still.

You extricate yourself from Bucky’s arms and scoot to the end of the bed while Bucky sleepily whines, “Noooo….” while reaching for you. 

“Sorry, Sarge. I promised Sam I’d make pancakes.” You say leaning down to kiss him.

“Birdbrain doesn’t deserve them.” Bucky pulls you until you fall on top of him. 

“He got back from a hard mission last night.” You squeal as Bucky attacks your neck and puts a hand between your legs. 

“You're already wet for me, baby. Stay with me.”

You push Bucky down and straddle him. “We’re gonna have to make it quick. I have to make pancakes.” you whisper against his lips as you line him up with your entrance. 

“Fuck.” Bucky groans as you seat yourself fully on his cock. You begin working him in and out of you setting a fast pace. After a few minutes, Bucky grabs your hips and thrusts up into you. 

“Yes!” You moan as you move a hand to your clit. The coil in you tightening as Bucky’s cock thrusts deep in you. It only takes another minute and you shatter with a long moan. You clench around Bucky milking him of his release. You lean down to kiss Bucky and then move to get up. 

 “One more.” Bucky says. 

“Orgasm or kiss?” You laugh. 

“Both.” Bucky looks at your hopeful. 

“Mmmmm...gonna have to be kiss. I need to make pancakes. I’ll make some blueberry for you.”

Bucky harumps but let’s you go. 

You are just finishing the first batch of pancakes when Steve and Sam come in. “Morning, guys!” You smile sweetly. “Coffee’s made. How many pancakes you want?”

“All of them!” Sam smirks. 

“I’ll just put the platter on the counter and you two can duke it out. Morning, chickies! And Vision.” you say as Nat, Wanda, and Vision wander in and finally, Bucky. 

Bucky walks up behind you and puts his arms around you. “Morning, Doll.”He says while kissing the side of your neck. 

“Mornin’.” You whisper back, a sappy smile on your face until a sticky piece of pancake lands on your nose and falls down to your shirt. You grab a sausage link and send it flying directly into Nat’s hair. 

“Thanks! I forgot to grab some.” Nat smirks. 

“No problem. I know it’s the only bit of sausage you’ve gotten lately.” You sass at her. 

“Oooohhhhhh!” Sam yells while laughing. 

“Santi!” Wanda gives you a look but is obviously holding back laughter. 

“Sorry! Here’s some more for you though, Nat.” You toss a second piece at her and she catches it. “By the way, Sam, how’s the receptionist?” 

Sam purses his lips and just gives you a look.

“Damn, I am striking out this morning.” You laugh. 

“Yeah, you are.” Nat sticks her tongue out at you. 

“Didn’t strike out with me this morning.” Bucky whispers in your ear before being hit in the head with a sausage. You both look up and laugh as Steve gives a look. Damn super soldier hearing. 

“Okay, okay. Enough with the food fights or I’m gonna get a bag of flour out and fuck you all up!” You yell at the group. 

“I’m terrified.” Sam deadpans. 

“Next time I make you chocolate chip anything you're gonna have to wonder to yourself ‘are these really chocolate chips or chocolate laxatives?’” You glare at Sam. 

“I take it back.” Sam says quickly. 

You grin mischievously. 

Everyone is in the training room a little later. Most of the guys are working weights or punching bags. Vision is watching Wanda and Nat spar in the ring. You decide it’s a perfect day to pull out the silks. No one is using the open mats. With missions and life you had never gotten around to pulling them out to show Bucky as promised. You pull the aerial silks out of the locker and go over to the rarely used climbing rope at one end of the gym. Securing the silks around yourself, you climb the rope until you can pull yourself up to the beam it hangs from. Walking across the beams towards the anchor for the silks when you hear Bucky’s voice. 

“Santi! What the hell are you doing?”

“Attaching my silks.”

“What if you fall?” He yells.

“It’ll hurt.” you say sarcastically. It would hurt like a bitch but you'd heal.

Steve pipes up, “We have machinery to do that, Santi.”

“Takes too long.” You say as you attach the silks to the beam. 

“Santi!” Bucky yells.

“Seriously, guys, stop. This beam is 6 inches across that’s bigger than a freakin balance beam.” To prove your point you do a back handspring on the beam. “See, piece of cake.” Bucky looks like he's going to throw up for a second. You pull on the silks to test them and then gently slide off the beam. 

Bucky gasps and you look down at him from midair. You slide down to the floor to check on him. He looks like he swallowed a fly. “Hey. I’m fine. I know what I’m doing. Are you okay?” 

“Just don’t like heights much.” Bucky says. 

“I get it, but nothing is going to happen. I’ve done this for almost 50 years. God, that makes me sound so old.” You laugh. “Even if I fall, I’ll heal. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky says.

“Look, if it’s gonna freak you out too much I won’t do this while you’re here.” You look into his eyes. 

“No, Doll. I’ve wanted to see you do it since you told me about it. I just didn’t think about you being so high up.”

You pull him in for a quick kiss and then get back to the silks. You show him some simple moves. Mostly using the silks to do climbs and wraps. Eventually you perform a wrap sequence that prepares you for a drop. Usually, this would be done as a surprise for the audience, but knowing Bucky’s anxiety you say to him, “I’m gonna do a drop. I’ll stop a few feet from the floor, okay?”

“Yeah, Doll.”

You drop down and hear him still gasp. You end up in an upside down stretch and smile at Bucky. He walks over and you’re basically face to face. “You know, you look pretty amazing wrapped up in red silk.” He whispers. 

“You two still playing house?” You hear from behind you. 

Maneuvering around and out of the wrap, you exclaim, “Tony!” You run over to him and give him a big hug. It’d been a couple of weeks since you had seen him. 

“Enjoying the silks?” Tony smirks.

“Well, I’m still waiting for you to get me some of Peter’s web shooters.” You nudge him.

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Tony snarks. “Manchurian Candidate, can I get a minute?”

Bucky looks surprised, “Yeah.” They walk off together leaving you wondering what was going on. You look over at Steve who shrugs but is eyeing them also. 

Going back to the silks you do a few more tricks and start doing some swinging and twists. The silly fun stuff that you don’t get to do often. You jump down and take a running leap at the silks, twisting yourself up into them while sailing through the air. You feel pure joy bubbling up in you as you feel the air rush past you. 

“Hey, Mother Teresa, you enjoying yourself?” Tony’s voice breaks through. 

You look around to see everyone smiling and realized for a moment you had let go of your mental hold on emotions. “I’m so sorry! I was remembering performing and I just… I’m sorry, guys.” You say as you pull back and tamp down. 

“Nobody will ever need Prozac with you around.” Tony laughs as he turns to leave.

Bucky puts an arm around you and murmurs, “It’s okay, doll.”

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t let myself lose control like that.” You say. 

“Nobody cares.” Bucky retorts.

“It’s still a violation. I forced something on them.”

Nat walks up, “Hey. It’s okay.”

“Thanks.” You say but you’re not able to meet her eyes. “I’m gonna put them away.” Bucky stops you before you walk away.

“Hey. You are allowed to feel happy.” Bucky says. 

“I’m not allowed to force it on others!” You nearly shout bringing everyone’s attention to you. You bury your face in your hands trying, unsuccessfully, not to cry. The next thing you know the entire team is surrounding you. Wanda puts an arm around your waist.

“It’s okay, Santi.” Steve says. “You had one unguarded moment in how long? Months? Years? It can happen to anyone.”

“Yeah, and at least it didn’t happen in the middle of one of you two’s marathons. Can you imagine everyone in the building reacting to that?” Sam grins at his own wit. 

Your face is still in your hands as you start to snort and then the laughter rolls out of you. You look up at the team that has become your family and laugh through the tears. No matter what they love and accept you. Even through the mistakes. You move to give Sam a hug and then Steve. 

“Okay, now, I want to see another drop because that was cool as hell, Saint. Let’s go!” Sam claps his hands. 

“Sure thing, Falcon.” You go back to the silks and perform a few more tricks for your friends before everyone goes back to finish their training. You decide to leave the silks up. You really should enjoy them more often. Afterwards you finish your circuit and head for a shower. When you come out of your bathroom you find Bucky sitting on your bed, freshly showered himself, elbows on his knees and a strange expression on his face. 

“Is everything okay? What did Tony want?” You ask. 

“Tony was just telling me about some nano technology he’s working on. He says he may be able to develop a kind of skin for my arm to make it look real if I’m interested.”

“Are you interested?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe. Would you like it?”

“I like you just as you are and however you want to be.” You say going over to him. You are only in a towel and fully expect him to pull it off of you when you get close, but he looks up at you and his eyes are a bit red. “Bucky, baby, what’s wrong?”

“Sit down, please.” He says.

“Okay.” You sit next to him and you both turn to face each other. A feeling of dread is welling up in you. “Are you upset about earlier?’

“No. I just need to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“What happened to you?” He says.

“I just let go for a second. I was having fun and…”

“No.” He interrupts. “You are so worried about forcing something on someone. What happened to you?”

“A lot of things have happened to me, Bucky. I’m a fairly attractive woman. I’ve had plenty of unwanted attention and my power can only control what people feel, not what people do.” You say carefully, not quite meeting his eyes.

“First, you’re a damn beautiful woman.” He puts his hands to your cheeks and forces you to look him in the eyes. “Second, there’s more to it than that.”

“Bucky, I worked undercover. I’ve had to do a lot of things that I didn’t want to. I’ve had to hurt people, kill people to prove loyalties. Seduce people to keep myself alive. I’ve been beaten and tortured. All for the job. All to protect innocent people. It wasn’t easy. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like I didn’t give them a choice. I’ve had mine taken from me enough.” You put your hands over his on your cheeks and lean into his touch. Tears begin to roll down your face. “I know you understand that. It’s one of the reasons I feel safe with you.”

Bucky kisses the tears from your cheeks and then kisses your mouth. He leans into you, laying you back on the bed, and opens the towel wrapped around you. You reach for him eagerly, wanting to feel the security of his arms and his thrusts filling you to wipe away all the terrible memories. You push his sweatpants down desperate for him to enter you. He shuffles them down his thighs enough to free his cock. He thrusts into you with desperation. A deep need to feel each other and connect. You pull your knees up and grab onto him, reveling in the feeling. Your orgasm washes across you like a tidal wave as you whisper Bucky’s name over and over again. He shudders above you as he reaches his release. 

He rolls both of you to your side and you just lay looking at each other for a moment. 

Bucky takes a deep breath, “I love you.”

Your eyes widen in shock and joy. “I love you, too.”

This time his kiss is slow and sweet.

Part 6

[doodlingstuff]

Neil’s (fake) B-day

Let’s celebrate my boy’s birthday with some fluff :)

All likes, shares, kudos and comments make my day shine. Thanks for reading ❤

***

( Chapter 14 of Comeback)

Andrew was definitely allowing himself to get carried away by Neil’s joy, otherwise, there is no logical explanation as to why he is driving the pipe dream towards the stadium instead of Fox Tower after he got Abby’s clearance to get back to classes. They could be using each other time’s in more pleasant ways, but then again, Neil loves his newfound family and all their nonsense. And Andrew is no one to take that away from him. Even less after everyone thought they’d lost him for good. Twice.  

Matt’s massive truck and Allison’s hideous atrocity are already there when they arrive. Neil is still too unsteady to walk that much from the parking lot to the court on his own, and he is too stubborn to use any walking aid, but Andrew has proved his talent as a reliable walking stick, so he lets the striker hold to his arm and squeeze it all the way.  

As Andrew knew beforehand, the lounge is covered with streamers, balloons, confetti, and an enormous Happy Birthday sign.  

Every Fox approaches Neil with a big smile. Some dare to pat him on the shoulder and Matt ruffles his hair. Almost everyone gives him presents and of course, the boy looks lost. He turns to see Andrew, but it wasn’t his idea, so he won’t make it easy, although there is the faint ghost of a smile trying to break free as Neil gets more and more confused.  

 “Happy birthday kid.” Coach is the last one to approach and the striker finally finds it in him to talk.  

 “Thank you? It’s-It’s not my birthday, tho”

  His comment is received by a well-deserved couple of pairs of eye rolls.  

 “Some things never change, do they?” Aaron asks. Her cheerleader shushes him with an elbow on the ribs. Maybe Andrew doesn’t hate the woman that much after all.  

 “Sweet baby, don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday,” Nicky says.  

 “It’s March 31, Neil! We promised you a party!” Matt follows with one of his brightest smiles.  

 The auburn-haired turns to look at Andrew as if he’d had any part in that. He was only the driver and his attention is drifting away from the happy reunion as he eyes the big cake on the back. That may be worth the bother.  

 “Told you my birthday was in January,” Neil says, clearly uncomfortable.  

 “And you were getting killed then.” Allison goes on. “You deserve a birthday party. Even if it’s not your real birthday.”  

 “But-”  

 “Lookit this way,” Nicky interrupts. “You get to celebrate twice every year. Sounds like a dream.”  

 Neil looks like he wants to keep arguing, but  Wymack   steps in before. “Shut the fuck up before I get sick. These morons made you a party. Enjoy it and stop looking like a stray cat for once.”  

 The next argument in Neil’s tongue dies as everyone starts to roll food around. They are smart enough to restrain themselves from singing and the cake finally arrives. Since the junkie is happy talking to everyone and watching wide-eyed all his presents, Andrew can distract himself by seeing how many slices of birthday cake he can eat before getting sick of it. As if that was possible. It’s easier for Kevin to die from diabetes just by watching.  

 "Alright. Time to get serious.”  Wymack   is clapping to get everyone’s attention after they all are stuffed and ready to pass out. It takes almost fifteen minutes for the team to clear their heads and gather in the sofas around their Coach.  

 “As you know, we are too far away to have a normal championship, but after how things unfurled for the Ravens,” He spares a brief glance towards Andrew that the twin dismisses “They decided to get them back to their original district. That said, championships will be only a single round of deathmatches to be played on the same day. Winner teams will be qualified by points scored. The two best go directly for the championship and the rest can wait until next season.”  

 “I still don’t know which team we will be facing but from now I tell you that for once, it doesn’t matter the score. This year had brought a shitload of problems I hope I never have to face again, but we made it to this round, so  let's   take the chance as best as we can and keep showing we are not a joke anymore.  

 Wymack   is faster to keep talking before his shortest striker speaks “As for you Neil, don’t even expect to play more than five minutes. You are allowed back to practices, but I will strangle you myself if you pull another fucking stunt in the court. Depending on how you do and in the remote chance we pass, I might think about letting you play the full final match. Doubts?”  

 Everyone shook their heads or deny. Andrew can’t take the perspective of getting back to practices, but Neil is radiating energy only with the perspective of five minutes on a match, so he abstains from complaining as Kevin starts talking endlessly about every single plan and strategy he’s plotted during the past months.  

 Andrew can’t wait to get out of there, but if Neil is happy, he can stay a bit longer.  

 Campus is swollen by darkness when they get out of the gathering. Nicky spends the short ride speaking, as he always does, and Kevin is making a tantrum from traveling in the back. Andrew can’t care less. If he doesn’t like it, he can walk to Fox Tower or catch a ride with the rest.  

 When they arrive at the building, Andrew takes Neil’s duffel bag and motions towards the elevator. The junkie is about to protest, but he is finally learning to tell when he’s tired and the night hasn’t ended for them, so he steps into the elevator.  

 Andrew has the door of the dorm open for Neil. They step in and the blond makes way to the bedroom. He dumps the duffel bag on the bed and looks for the things he stuffed in there before heading out.  

 “Wait.” There it goes. The cogwheels inside the junkie’s brain finally move. Nicky and Aaron pause their silly game to see “This is not my dorm.”  

 “It is now.” Neil looks for the lie in Andrew’s eyes and then he sees Nicky laughing as bills pass between him, the other twin, and even Kevin.  

 “You are such a cute thing. Andrew kicked Aaron out as soon he knew you weren’t dying.”  

 Neil  looks   startled from Nicky’s gigantic smile to Andrew’s shrug. They had shared enough nightmares and had slept together so many times for it to be a scandal, but it was until then when the blond realizes he didn’t ask. He just acted out of spite because he wanted to have Neil close.  

 A big smile spreads on the striker’s face and then he follows Andrew to the roof.  

 After three cigarettes, Andrew still can’t find how to get this over with. They had talked about bigger demons before. They had  shared   more intimacy. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Still, his voice is almost scared when he talks.  

 “Enjoyed your party?”  

 Icy eyes send a wave of shivers down his spine. “I guess. I’ve never had one.”  

 “And you won’t ask me why I didn’t get you a present?”  

 “Do you want me to? I don’t need presents. And you had given me much more.”  

 “Then shut up.” He says and finally drops the contents of his pocket in Neil’s hands.  

 Minutes pass before the striker can talk again. “My phone and keys.”  

 “You left them on purpose.” There is a hard swallow traveling down Neil’s throat.  

 “Told you I never thought I’ll stay. And... I couldn’t be Neil Josten in the Nest. If I took these, they would’ve been more reminders of the life I couldn’t have anymore.”  

 “You have it now.” The official IDs sent by Kengo are still unbelievable to Neil. He nods as he grips the objects in his hands. The proofs that he is real, that he didn’t come out from Andrew’s drugged mind and he will stay. Probably.  

 “And this is your present.” The blond drops a packet of cigarettes in Neil’s lap. He looks bewildered and attempts to give them back.  

 “Abby says I shouldn’t smoke again.”  

 There is no point in explaining things to the pretty idiot, so Andrew settles for looking at him until he opens the damn box and takes out a couple of pieces of cloth.  

 “You want me to sew your socks?”  

 “Don’t be stupid,” Andrew replies while pulling up his sleeves. Maybe Neil can get the hint that way.  

 “Armbands?”  

 “It’s already hot as fucking hell and you keep wearing long sleeves.”  

 Realization crosses fast through his face. If the junkie thought Andrew wouldn’t notice he didn’t want the scars on his wrists on display, he was even dumber than how he looked.  

 “Thank you,” The red-haired says while slipping the pieces of cloth through his hands.  

 Words are burning Andrew’s throat worse than the smoke of his sixth cigarette. He doesn’t want a      no    , but he knows he won’t be in peace if he doesn’t ask. “Will you stay now?”  

 “I haven’t gone anywhere.”  

 The blond only spares a glance at Neil. He doesn’t want to explain. However, as silence stretches, he knows he needs to make sure the point is understood just in case Neil is indeed stupid or Andrew hasn’t been clear enough.  

 “Last year I told you to give me your back and stay. You ran away and did the exact opposite. You’re not in danger anymore. The promise stands. I’m just asking again.”  

 A wild river clashes with sweet honey. For the first time in a long, long while, Andrew can’t tell what hiding those eyes are hiding. He is the one with the blank expression, not Neil. Silence keeps growing between them. The blond is sure he talked too soon. He is expecting the dream to vanish because it has been a big strike of consecutive good weeks and nothing lasts forever. He doesn’t forget that.  

 “Your memory isn’t so perfect after all.” Andrew is startled by the comment. Of course, it is. A fucking burden he never asked to have. A good thing when it comes to Neil and the bright  smiles   he gives. The twin starts digging if he had any other slips like the room swap without asking first, but he can’t find any. “I said yes. Always yes.”  

 “It was a different question.” Relief spreads as he speaks.  

 “But the answer is always yes.” The blank stare is quickly replaced by a big smile.  

 Andrew knows he has to tell him that always can’t be his answer for everything, that there will be times when it’s no, that he will respect any change of mind, that he doesn’t want to force it, that he is afraid everything is still an illusion, but Neil is so close and he has talked so much, that the only thing he manages is a soft growl as the striker´s lips are near his neck, and then, every objection gets drowned in a kiss.  

“One condition,” Neil says when they part. “You don’t protect me. We protect each other.”  

Every complaint dies even before Andrew can voice it because it is true.

Before Neil said it, he gave his life willingly for Andrew, and the blond had turned the world upside down in a week to keep the pipe dream safe. The promise was fulfilled before it was made.  

Regardless, it’s the first time someone says to him anything like that, and it fills his chest with something so powerful and strange that he isn’t sure if his life is really this good. Perhaps he died in juvie, or in Thanksgiving, or in Easthaven, and this is all a weird fantasy created to bear the boredom of being in hell.  

When they return to the dorms, neither asks before getting inside the same bed to fall asleep with their fingers intertwined.  

 If always feels like this, Andrew can get used to having it.  

[myheartrevealedocs]

Untouchable Ch 13- Home, Again

Warnings: swearing, mentions of torture and injuries, family drama and stuff? (if there’s something in this chapter that you want me to tag, let me know, I’m just not sure what to classify some of this stuff as)

Ch 12 | Ch 14

~ ~ ~

Beck threw herself into her sister’s arms as Lydia entered the waiting room.

“Thank god. Lydia, I’m so sorry, but I’m so scared. Watching her fall apart like that, then start seizing- What would we do if we lost her? What would I do? The system will take in Katie and Adam, but I… I’d be alone.”

Lydia pulled away to look into her sister’s cloudy eyes. “You will never be alone. If something actually happened to Sonia, you could come to DC with me in a heartbeat. Please don’t ever think I’d leave you alone.”

“You hate me,” Beck claimed. Her face was a blotchy mess and she didn’t make it any better be rubbing her hands over it frustratedly. She’d recently cut her hair short, which was perhaps the only thing stopping her from ripping it out. “I’ve been such an ass. I wouldn’t blame you if you left me here and went back to Virginia. I don’t have a job, I don’t have a college degree, I don’t even know how to drive a car! I’m useless!”

“You aren’t useless,” Lydia insisted, then leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “You’re stubborn. You were angry. But you know who knows even more about anger than you?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m guessing you, you menace?”

They both giggled, Rebecca hiccuping slightly through more tears.

“So, you won’t leave me to be a homeless prostitute?”

“Not this month,” Lydia joked. “What have you heard? Did they dissolve the blood clot?”

Beck nodded. “It’s gone. Now the only concern is figuring out how much damage it did.”

“Okay. Well then, one of us should stay here and wait for news and the other has to take Katie and Adam home and get them to bed. I really think you could use the rest, but I’m okay with either.”

The two twins were seated in the corner of the room. Katie was asleep across the armrest between her and her brother’s chair. Adam looked bored out of his mind, picking at his fingernails.

Beck looked back at them, then bit down on her bottom lip. “I need to make sure she’s okay. I don’t think I could fall asleep if I went home anyway.”

Lydia could understand that. She gave her sister a nod, before stepping around her and approaching the kids. “Hey Adam. Long time, no see!”

He pushed himself out of his chair quickly and wrapped his arms around Lydia’s waist. “Hi Lydie! Why didn’t you come home for Christmas this year?”

“I had to work,” she admitted, feigning disgust.

“You have to see the Legos that Becky got me! I already built them all!”

“That’s so cool! You’ll have to show me once we get home.”

He bounced excitedly, turning around to wake up his sister. “Katie! Lydie’s here!”

The girl blinked, rubbing her face where it was previously squished against her arm. “Adam,” she grumbled. “What do you want?”

Lydia knelt down next to her seat. “Hey Katie,” she said, softly. “I’m here to take you two hooligans home.”

Katie blinked, recognizing Lydia’s voice and her silly nickname for the twins. “Lydie? Mommy didn’t say you were coming home.”

Lydia didn’t want to freak them out by making them think the stroke was a big deal, so she held up a finger to her lips and said, “Sonia doesn’t know yet. It’s a surprise.”

“Is mommy sick?” Adam asked. “Becky said she was hurt, but when I hurt my arm, I didn’t have to stay at the doctor’s this long.”

“Mommy did get hurt,” Lydia admitted. “But she’s super strong. Right now, you two have to get some sleep. In your own beds. Okay?”

They nodded and followed her out, saying their goodbyes to Rebecca as they passed. Lydia called a cab to meet them outside and take them back to Sonia’s house.

As they were packing in, her phone rang. Spencer. Shit…

“Spence, hey…” she began, but couldn’t for the life of her come up with anything else to say.

“Lydia? Hotch told us that you had a family emergency, what happened?? Are you okay? Did you get home?”

She sighed, relieved he wasn’t angry about her sudden disappearance. They’d just been talking face to face and then she was on her way to the airport. “Can we start with one questions at a time? I’m so tired.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed, quickly. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m leaving a hospital in Oakland, California, on my way to my foster mom, Sonia’s, house.”

“Why were you at the hospital?”

“Sonia had a stroke.”

“That’s awful. I’m sorry. What kind of stroke?”

“Uh… I’m not sure? I didn’t speak to any of the doctors directly.”

“Do you know if she had a hemorrhage or-?”

“No. No, it was a blot clot.”

“That’s good!” he said immediately. “The chances of surviving a ischemic stroke are higher than a hemorrhagic stroke. There’s also a higher likelihood of a full recovery.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Spence. How did the case go?”

“We found and recovered all the kids, but Jane and Frank disappeared.”

“Oh no…” she fretted. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about? You weren’t even in Nevada when it happened.”

“But I was… I told him we could negotiate for Jane and-”

“You saw her,” Spencer reasoned. “She was throwing herself at him. Frank would have gotten away either way and Jane would have followed him. You helped us get those kids back.”

“When did you become so good at cheering me up?” she teased. He didn’t reply, so she kept going. “Spencer, I should go. I’m almost at Sonia's house. Talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Tomorrow.”

~ ~ ~

“Lydia? What are you doing here?” Sonia demanded as Lydia walked into her room the next morning.

“What are you doing in a hospital bed?” she fired back. “You went and scared the hell out of us!”

“Honey, I’m old. It happens.”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “Not old enough. You’re like… one of the least likely people to get a stroke. You’re 50, you’re a woman, you’re Asain… do you have any blood pressure problems I don’t know about?”

“Apparently I have blood pressure problems that I don’t even know about,” she chuckled, trying not to focus on how bad that could be. “Since when do you know so much about stroke statistics?”

Lydia was perfectly ready to tell her that she’d done a bunch of research at the airport, but it was a lie. Spencer had been sending her little tidbits of information all day. Some to try to cheer her up, others to help prepare her for how Sonia’s recovery might go. As she thought about those texts, a smile pulled at her lips and Sonia was on her in an instant.

“What’s that? That smile. You just got all blushy on me, what happened?”

“I work with profilers and somehow you’re already onto my little secret, hm?” She rubbed her forehead. “You should probably go work for my team if you’re going to be so observational.”

“You should probably stop being so obvious,” she argued. “You’ve got a crush written all over you. Did he tell you about the stroke statistics?”

“His name is Spencer, he texted them to me to make me feel better, and I’m not crushing on him.”

“Oh please!” she cried. “Your cheeks are bright red! I know a crush when I see one. Tell me about this Spencer. Where did you meet him?”

“We work together. And I’m not lying, I’m not crushing on Spencer… because we’ve been dating for almost a year now.”

“You what?!” she exclaimed. “Lydia, you have to tell me these things! Almost a year?”

“Yeah. It started last year in April.”

“Why would you hide this from me? Look at you! You’re so happy!”

Lydia bit her tongue in contemplation. Why hadn’t she told her family? “Because I’ve been keeping it a secret anyway. None of the team knows we’re together. We never agreed that we wouldn’t tell our families, but… I don’t know, I guess I got so caught up in the lie that I didn’t even think about telling you guys.”

“Why are you hiding?” Sonia asked.

“Our work.” Lydia shrugged. “When we went on our first date, we didn’t want the whole team to be invested in a relationship that might not last. We didn’t want things to get weird. But now, it feels wrong, you know? Our boss wouldn’t be happy if he found out that we’ve been lying to him all this time. Spencer’s an agent, so in-office relationships are frowned upon for him.”

Lydia’s phone buzzed in her hand and instinctively, she looked down at it.

“Did he just text you?” Sonia teased.

Lydia glared back. “Fucking profilers.”

~ ~ ~

“Katie! Adam!” Lydia called as she shuffled upstairs.

“Hold on!” Katie’s muffled squealing came from the twin’s room.

Lydia smiled at what she could only imagine to be wild shenanigans going on behind that door. But, she turned and walked farther down the hall, opening up the door to Sonia’s room.

She’d been let go from the hospital after about a week, and had been recovering quickly. Lydia was glad to see her sitting up in bed stretching her arms out in front of her. Her left arm was weak and shook dramatically, but it was an improvement.

“Good morning, Sonia,” she greeted, walking over to the side of her bed. “Make sure to do your leg stretches as well today. I know they’re uncomfortable, but if you don’t build up that strength again, you’re going to end up with only one working leg. I want you to think about how frustrating that would be.”

She dropped her head back. “You’re right. That would be awful. Then I’d look like you.”

“Very funny,” Lydia deadpanned. “But my leg works fine, thank you. At this point, I’d say better than yours. But nevermind that, I won’t be here and neither will the car. If something happens, Beck will handle it and I’ll be back before your physical therapy appointment, okay?”

Lydia leaned down and gave her foster mother a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m ready, Lydie!” Adam shouted as he burst into the room. His backpack hung loosely from his shoulders, seeing as there probably wasn’t more in it than a folder.

“Is Katie ready?” she asked.

“No. Katie’s tying her shoes.”

“Oh, well then she’s almost ready. Let’s start heading down, shall we?”

He nodded, eagerly. “Bye, Mommy!” he said, before scurrying downstairs.

“Bye, Sonia,” Lydia followed suit, closing the door behind her as she left. “Beck?”

Her sister popped her head out of the bathroom, only half her makeup done, looking thoroughly unamused. “Must you be so loud?”

“Make sure Sonia gets up soon,” she ordered. “I won’t have my phone with me, so if something happens, call the doctor.”

“Won’t have your phone…?” She raised an eyebrow. “Are you not coming back after dropping the twin’s off?”

“No. I thought Sonia told you.”

“Told me what?”

“I’m ready!” Katie cried, rushing down the stairs to meet her brother.

“Head out to the car, little hooligans!” Lydia instructed. “I’ll be out in a second.”

“Where are you going?” Beck tried again.

Lydia sighed. “I’m visiting Dad today.”

~ ~ ~

Not that visiting a prison was ever a pleasant experience, but Lydia was comforted to find the place exactly the same. She had enough anxiety going in as is, but trying to navigate new rules or requirements would have made it ten times worse. Her dad didn’t even seem to notice her walk into the room, sitting alone at a table, staring intently at a wall.

Lydia cleared her throat. “Um, hey Dad.”

He blinked at her for a moment, before pulling her into a hug. “Lydia! Look at you! You’ve changed so much, sweetheart!”

She shrunk away from him, slightly as he spoke, both because the guards would yell at them if they were in contact for too long and because it had been so long. It was just weird.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s been a crazy two years.”

“I hear,” he said, the two of them sitting across from one another. “Rebecca tells me that you work for the FBI full-time now.”

“Not exactly. I’m contracted out by one of their teams. Sometimes I’m home for a few weeks, other times we solve one case and fly straight to the next. It isn’t exactly 9 to 5.”

“I’m really proud of you.” He smiled and Lydia’s lip twitched as well. “I was shocked to hear you were coming. Rebecca says you very rarely visit.”

“I’m not in California for a visit,” she admitted. “Sonia had a stroke, so I’ve taken some time off work to look out for her and the other kids in her care.”

Her dad had warmed up to Sonia over the years, seeing as she had to escort Lydia and Beck to the prison when they were still minors. He looked genuinely sad to hear the news. “That’s terrible. Tell her I hope she gets well soon.”

“I will. It was pretty mild it seems. She’s regaining strength quickly.”

They didn’t have the time for this small talk. Her father knew that. But Lydia almost hoped that they could keep the conversation going. As if he wasn’t an inmate in a prison. As if they weren’t being watched carefully. As if she didn’t have mixed feelings about speaking to him.

“So, Lydia, why did you come?”

Lydia blinked, pushing up her glasses habitually. “What do you mean? I haven’t seen you for two years…”

“I know,” he chuckled. “But if you wanted to come say hi to me, you’d do it when you were visiting home. Not when you’re busy taking care of a whole family.”

“Well… your sentence is almost done. Seven years… And I was talking to Sonia about it and she asked when the last time I saw you was… I felt bad.” She waited for him to say something, but he didn’t. Because he knew that wasn’t it. “I haven’t really… told anyone in DC that my dad’s in prison. And with this new job, I talk to serial killers. I learn a lot about them, get into their heads. And in the end, we always put them away. And now I see prison in this whole different light and I think I needed to prove to myself that you… you aren’t one of the bad guys.”

“Okay, so… how do I prove I’m not a bad guy?” he asked.

“You don’t. You just-” Lydia’s eyes started to burn and she stopped herself from getting emotional. “I wanted to see you. That’s all. Recently, it feels like I can’t remember much about anyone in the family.”

“Is this about your mom?”

“I don’t know what this is about,” she rambled. “I just… I was finally starting to be okay in college and then, the whole Jenna thing happened and I was an angry monster again. And when I realized I had settled down, I was a different person. I worked for the FBI for crying out loud! And I’m looking at the people around me, and they look different, too, but I can’t figure out if it’s them who’ve changed or just my view of them. And I’ve always-”

She was tearing up again. Lydia gritted her teeth, feeling frustrated. She came here to check up on him, not have a meltdown. But if she shut down, he would keep bugging her about it, so might as well keep going.

“I’ve always been so mad at you,” she said, gnashing her teeth like an animal. “And then I’m looking through a serial killer's house and all I can think is, ‘At least my dad didn’t become this’. And I feel guilty that I’ve been so hard on you for seven years. So, I came here because I needed to prove to myself that this face belongs to my dad and not a bad guy.”

“Could it be both?”

Lydia glared at him, but didn’t have anything to say. She didn’t need the ambiguous question right now.

“Lydia, I know what I did was stupid and it hurt people. And all the excuses I made for it at the time don’t justify my actions. I wasn’t wrongfully accused and I’m not trying to pretend I was.”

“I don’t want to have an argument with you,” she grumbled. “I want to look at you with my new profiling eyes and determine whether it’s worth rebuilding a relationship with you when you get out.”

That shut him up. Lydia’s face burned in shame, but there was no taking it back. They sat there in silence for what felt like years. She didn’t know what there was to say. It had been on her mind for months now that his release was approaching. She’d considered Beck to be her only family for almost 7 years. Her father was a distant memory. But maybe when his time was up… maybe it’d be nice to have a dad again. But she had sworn at 16 never to forgive him.

“Did you decide?” he asked, his voice grim.

Why did she have to decide? Why couldn’t someone tell her that she was going to have to learn to live with or without him and be done with it? Why did it have to be her to walk away or make the effort. Shouldn’t family come naturally?

But for now, at least, she knew what she wanted.

“I want my family back. I don’t want to leave California one day and never have a reason to come back… I want to know my mom… And maybe, just maybe, I want to remember my dad, too. Because somewhere in the far recesses of my mind, he was a cool dude.”

“I’m sorry that I ever left you,” he said.

Finally, Lydia felt a sense of relief. She stood up. “I need to go, Dad. Luckily, the next time I see you, you probably won’t be behind bars.” And then, she opened up her arms, welcoming him in for a hug.

For the past seven years, she’d never been the one to initiate a hug with her father, but it felt like it was time. Her stubbornness had kept her from too much. She’d missed out on so many opportunities to be happy all because she was hinged on being in complete control of the image of herself that other’s saw. And she hadn’t felt like she’d had a parental figure in a long time.

He accepted quickly. “Go be an amazing bad-guy-catcher,” he teased.

“I will,” she replied with a smile. “Keep being a neutral guy, alright?”

As she headed for the door, he said, “Lydia? One more thing…”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“Happy birthday.”

He remembered. She didn’t expect him to, for some reason. She didn’t really expect him to know the exact date.

“I love you,” she told him, but didn’t wait around to hear his response. She didn’t plan on spilling any tears today.

~ ~ ~

“You’re hunched over your computer like Quasimodo,” Rebecca joked as she dropped a bowl of ice cream next to her sister.

Poor Lydia was so wrapped up in her paper, she didn’t even notice the gift, ignoring the dessert completely. “I need Spencer,” she admitted. “He’d be able to give me more accurate information than these pathetic websites.”

“Why don’t you call him?” Sonia offered from across the table.

“He told me this morning that he was leaving for a case. Really bad one, too. He doesn’t need the distraction.”

Beck rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re actually going to get a PhD for this guy.”

“I’m not getting this for Spencer,” she tried to argue. “But I mean, look at me! I’m set to graduate in the spring. Have you ever seen someone get a doctorate in 2 years? Spencer did that for me. I could become a college professor in about a year, all thanks to him. At 23 years old.”

“Don’t act like you’re not a genius all by yourself,” Beck grumbled. “Just because he’s super charismatic-” Lydia laughed out loud when she said that “-does not mean that he got you your PhD.”

“I’m not saying that!” she tried to argue. “Think about how much money I’ve saved! I mean, I was terrified when I took that internship at the BAU that once it was up, I’d be stuck. With this, I have so many options open that I-”

She paused, noticing her phone screen light up with Hotch’s name. Rebecca and Sonia gave her funny looks, but she held up a finger.

“My boss is calling me. Strange.”

“If he says you have to go back to Virginia, do it. You’ve taken enough to time off as it is,” Sonia instructed, but Lydia just rolled her eyes.

“Hey, Hotch,” she answered. “What’s up?”

“Lydia, I’m going to need your help with something…”

“That’s fine. Is it case related?”

“No it’s…” He sounded exhausted and Lydia wondered where he could be. It was 9 in California, so unless he was on the west coast, it was late. “Lydia, Reid has been taken captive by an unsub.”

Her heart stopped. Seeing her family's confused faces across from her, she jumped up from the table and rushed out of the room.

“What? I- What are you… How bad of an unsub?” she sputtered.

“He’s sending us a live feed of it. As of right now, Reid’s forehead has a large gash in it and one of his feet is mangled. We’re doing everything we can to find him.”

“Is there something I can do?” Her breathing was labored and her chest, constricting. This was all wrong. Spencer had to be okay. He needed to be…

“Lydia, Spencer’s strong. He’ll keep fighting until we can get to him. But I have a feeling when he gets out, he’s going to want to see your face.”

She was far too stressed to even consider what he was implying. “You want me to- I’m not sure if I can-”

“Two days. That’s all. I’ll get you a ticket to Georgia as soon as possible. He’ll need your support. Can you be here?”

Leaving suddenly, once again. But Spencer might need her. Hotch was certain he would. And after news like that… she’d need to see him for herself to even imagine that he was going to be okay.

“I’ll pack my things now. Send me that plane ticket and the case file. I need to know what to expect when I get there.”

“I’ll let you know if anything changes,” he assured her. “Thank you.”

She heard him hang up the phone, but didn’t move it away from her ear. All she could hear was her heartbeat in her ears, as if it was trying to break out. She blinked a couple of times and turned to see that her sister had followed her into the next room, eyes wide.

A tear slipped down her cheek, which she quickly wiped away. “I need to go,” she told Beck and ran to her room to gather some things.

Tag List: @kris-stuff​, @wooya1224, @spencerelds​

[thejosh1980]

“My Daughter”

I'm really tired.

Even though I sleep well most nights, I'm still tired. Sometimes the whole day.

I'm still trying to find my routine. For sure, at 08:00 each morning I'm driving Mum to school and picking her up again at 15:00...

Other than that, it's all about whatever I can do to keep myself occupied... Look for work, think about my career, visit a friend, take Alex for a drive, clean the pool, swim in the pool, check the surf or think. 

Today's been a thinking day..... I miss my dog.

It's a very long story, one that I wouldn't want to bore you with the finer details of, but in the end, I was once a proud father, but now my 5 year old baby is with her mum in Dresden and I am here in Ocean Shores.

I miss her every single day.

Some days are worse than others. I can't go a day without thinking about her. She was my life. There's usually 2 questions that roll around in my head...  “what is she doing/feeling now, without me?” and “what would we do together if she was here?”.

I well up thinking about these questions, and usually distract myself immediately so as not to cry.

My ex and I agreed early on we wouldn't post pictures of her or discuss/post about her online. We wanted something private just for ourselves. That decision was made back when I was touring a lot and we had plenty of fans around.

I don't know if that rule applies to me now, and while I do want to respect my ex's wishes (our wishes), I also feel that I should write something down, document my feelings and try to process this... Writing has helped me with a few things so far, why not with my grief?

I guess in the end, I have to get used to the idea that she's no longer my dog. 

I mean, I never had any official paperwork with my name on it saying I owned the “property” that was our dog (how could I? It was all in German anyhow!!!). Officially, I have no say in where she lives and who she lives with.

In fact, I didn't want a dog at first. I've always been scared of them... Terribly afraid because when I was very young, our own dog (in Melbourne in 1984-85) scared the living shit out of me too many times... So I have always had reservations about dog ownership...

That was until the little brown ball of fur came into my life... I loved that little puppy like my life depended on it.

Although I may not be registered as her father, I love her like one.

I am her Daddy. I always will be.

I trained her, I took care of her, I loved her. And I was very proud to do so. She is amazing...

I trained her to skateboard, paddle board and hang with me in the studio (yes, I even have videos of her singing along with me). She could travel all over Europe with me, visit any number of famous locations and take it all in her stride. She's walked Venice, urban swam in Bern, had tourist photos at Checkpoint Charlie and been photographed by more Japanese tourists than I can care to remember...

I taught her how to give hugs on command. She'd pull me in and wrap her little paws around me, it was the sweetest hug anyone could ever get... I miss them...

She is a real beautiful talented little girl...

But maybe the most important thing was, what she did for me.

When “my daughter” came into my life, I had just stopped drinking (6 months earlier). I was still trying to find the new “me” in a world where all my friends and band members drank regularly around me. I was fine with everyone drinking.... However, if anyone who has stopped drinking (or doing drugs) knows, when that crutch is no longer in your life, when you have nothing to hid behind anymore, you learn more about yourself than ever before...

She gave me love, strength and courage to do things I was scared or worried to do... She gave me reason to live...

If this was an AA meeting, I'd say she was my sponsor.

I received unconditional love no matter how bad I felt in a social situation that made me uncomfortable. She looked up to me for guidance, and in doing so, guided me to feeling more comfortable in my uncomfortable skin.

I wasn't afraid to go places when she was with me. I wasn't worried about what people would think, or how I would feel or think... I was happy because she was by my side, and she surely was happy having me take her places and give her treats.

We were a great team...

Now that I no longer have that team, that partnership, that unconditional love, I hurt.

I worry if I can do anything without anxiety anymore. Can I step out of my comfort zone without her??

Well surely I have come along way in the past 5 years. Still ain't drinking, still learning all the time how to deal with my inner struggles. But without her, it feels harder... I struggle without her constant love and companionship.

I never thought in all my years, that a dog would be so important to me... She still is...

The last time I saw her was in late June. I decided to take control of how and when I let her go free. I arranged my dearest and trusted friend to meet with us, and I could pass “my daughter” over... And my friend could walk her to my ex's place.

The idea of passing her over directly, that would have been too much... I couldn't do it. It was hard enough just to pass her to my friend. It took a long time, a hell of a lot of tears (in public no less). The idea of giving this beautiful thing away hurt me to my core.

It still does.

She knew something was up. She was quiet and attentive. She could read me like a book... I tried to say “goodbye”, but the words could barely come out. I know I said “I love you” as often as my tears would allow.

When I made the decision to leave Europe, I knew I'd miss a lot of people and places. I knew I had to give up a lot of things... At that moment, that day in June, it all came to a head.

If, at the time, I was still on the fence about moving, I'd have stayed... I wouldn't have been able to let her go (I still haven’t)... But as all the plans had been made, and I knew my Mum was waiting for me, I had to do it. I had to keep moving forward... No matter how much it hurt...

My last image of my girl is her walking away with someone we both trusted. (she has the sweetest little butt). I ran after them down the street (crying like a fool), but she didn't look back.

She didn't know that was the last time she'd see me... How could she, she's a dog! She doesn't understand... But I do... And it hurts to think about how she feels without me in her life.

I have not had a photo or an update since... It's been 4 long months...

I wake up everyday wondering if my ex would see things my way and send her to me... Maybe she'd have a change of heart, or maybe her circumstances have changed... My ex knows I'm waiting... 

Hope is the last to die...

Originally I wanted to write an update on how our new life down here was going, but I can't get “my daughter” out of my mind, so I figured I'd write about her... Maybe in a few days I can express more about our life here, but for now, my beautiful four legged girl is all I can or want to think about.

I cried while writing this, and I'll cry again if I have to proof read it again (so I’ll get Alex to do that!). 

The sense of loss and sadness is overwhelming.

I just want to process this pain and replace it with love and happiness for our past... I really want to smile when I think about her, and laugh about her silly ways, but I’m not ready... I realised now, I still have more grieving to do... 

I hope writing things down helps...

Thanks for reading,

Josh