#tecchou is my hoe

[judasgot-it]

Bsd men who actually want a long-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriend, and Bsd men who would piss and shit their pants if they saw their GF hug another man

(I was thinking about ken from the barbie movie and had a realization. I needed a silly you guys. A silly)

Could NOT handle a long-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriend -

Nikolai - Says he wants it, even says it should be an 'open relationship' but then the moment he sees his GF talk to another man he's pissing over himself and crying about how it's not fair

Dazai - he would rather kill himself. Literally.

Tecchou - he's probably the type of guy to SAY he's chill and then the moment someone says something bad about his GF he's throwing hands

Is the walking devil incarnate and doesn't believe in monogamy -

Fyodor - has 4 discord kittens and definitely calls all of his enemies 'pookie' to feel a sliver of affection. Definitely plays porn games but dw it's a puzzle game so it doesn't count (he's in denial)

Ango - this slut can't even choose which organization to spy on, he is the definition of a WHORE

Tachihara - same as Ango although he wouldn't cry about it. He owns up to his sluttyness. A proud streetwalker.

[incorrecthuntingdogs]

Tecchou: Tachihara made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

Teruko: ...is it possible he actually said "bros before hoes"?

Tecchou: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hoes.

[incorrectbungou]

I still have more quotes from friends and family to make into incorrect quotes:

Chuuya: “Put the cactus back with its friends now Dazai.”

Dazai: “But it’s making new friends!”

Chuuya: “Now before I make it best friends with your ass.”

——————————————————————————

Kenji: “It’s a pupper with a porpoise!”

Yosano: “Did you just have a stroke?”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: “Snack time bitches.”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: “But my chalupa...”

——————————————————————————

*after getting into an argument*

Dazai: “Hey! Look at that!”

Kunikida: “Look at what?”

Dazai: “I don’t know but I’m not wrong!”

——————————————————————————

*driving past a farm*

Kenji: “Was that a fucking zebra?”

Atsushi: “When did you learn to curse?”

Dazai: “Holy fuck that is a zebra!”

——————————————————————————

Kenji: *in tears* “I tried to save a bug by pushing him out the window and I put too much pressure on him and he just exploded!”

——————————————————————————

Oda: “Where will Mori go when he dies? Heaven, hell, or purgatory?”

Dazai: “Well he’s a little bitch with no soul so according to my copy of the bible he’ll go to purgatory.”

Oda: “But where will he go?”

Ango: “He’s the personification of Satan so he’ll just reclaim his throne in the depths of hell.”

——————————————————————————

Yosano: “I think my left ovary just screamed for help.”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “Get that nice car out of here, everyone’s gonna think I bought it off drug money.”

——————————————————————————

Mori: “Tell the dog what’s going on and say goodbye.”

Dazai: *to Chuuya* “I’m leaving for a month for work, you better not die while I’m gone.”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: “There are so many cars.”

Chuuya: “That’s called TRAFFIC!”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS USELESS?”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “Did you roll up that hose outside?”

Dazai: *half asleep* “We have a hoe outside?”

Akutagawa: “No I didn’t it was too much of a mess.”

Dazai: “We have a messy hoe outside?”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “I have power.”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “Dazai is a fuckin freeloader, alcoholic, and a glutton!”

Dazai: “We should open that new bottle of wine.”

——————————————————————————

Gin: *pulls up in a car next to Higuchi* “Hey there hoe, you take 20s?”

——————————————————————————

Fukuzawa: “What are you eating?”

Ranpo: *angrily* “I’m eating a prepackaged healthy snack of course.”

——————————————————————————

Cashier: “Did you pay yet?”

Akutagawa: “Nah man, but I’m just gonna go if that’s alright?”

——————————————————————————

Poe: *playing the sims for the first time* “My sim doesn’t need a boyfriend, he just needs a raccoon.”

Ranpo: “I’m actually insulted.”

——————————————————————————

Kenji: *singing* “Intercepted with LOVE!”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: *trying to get a dog to sit in his lap* “I know you want these thighs!”

——————————————————————————

Tecchou: “This is a mistake...”

Jouno: “You only just realized that Sherlock?”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: “When in Rome, I’ll fuck a Roman.”

——————————————————————————

Kyouka: “I can hear you but I’m ignoring you.”

——————————————————————————

Kyouka: “I’m only half kidding.”

——————————————————————————

Jouno: *laughing hysterically* “Sorry sorry, I’m just imagining little emo Tecchou listening to Michael Jackson on repeat for 6 hours.”

——————————————————————————

Jouno: “Tecchou ONLY likes Green Day and Michael Jackson.”

——————————————————————————

Tecchou: “I feel like I’m getting stupider as I get older.”

Jouno: “That’s because you are.”

——————————————————————————

Yosano: “I just want regular pants! Why are there so many tags? Why is there elastic in the waist band? I’m not that fat!”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: “Are you happy to see me or do you just have salami in your pants.”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: “Sometimes you’ve gotta rub a penguin on your ass, you feel me?”

Atsushi: “I have never felt you less.”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: *to Kenji and Kyouka* “Santa flew over Yokohoma already? That’s a bunch of fucking bullshit! Where’s our presents?”

——————————————————————————

*1am*

Poe: *almost falling asleep*

Ranpo: *kicks open door* “WAKE UP BITCH IT’S TIME FOR DINNER PART 2!”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: “Fuck teachers.”

Kunikida: “Excuse me? I used to be a teacher!”

Dazai: “And look where that got us!”

——————————————————————————

Fukuzawa: “Ranpo... you need to stop eating all the time... even when you’re bored.”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “Fuck this, I’m defaulting to a box of wine.”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: *changing a light bulb* “I’M GOING INTO THE LIGHT!”

——————————————————————————

Nikolai: “Thanks for the support everyone, but I’ve decided to become a problem.”

——————————————————————————

Chuuya: “Not to be dramatic, but if I don’t get into a homoerotic sword fight right the fuck now I’m going to lose my shit.”

Yosano: “I’d homoerotic sword fight you, but I don’t think I meet your requirements baby.”

——————————————————————————

Gin: “I’m only going if I get to shoot someone.”

——————————————————————————

Kenji: “Oooo I’m about to go wild.”

——————————————————————————

Ranpo: *to Poe* “This movie might scare you, but it’s fine, we have McDonald’s.”

——————————————————————————

*through DMs*

Poe: *to Ranpo* “It sounds like you planned a really cool party, I’ll be there!”

*in different DMs*

Ranpo: *to Yosano* “YOSANO! POE THINKS THIS IS GONNA BE A COOL PARTY GET RID OF THE GLITTER GLUE AND MACARONI! WE CAN’T DO THE MACARONI ART ANYMORE!”

Yosano: “Well now this party is gonna suck. The macaroni art was the only reason we were throwing a party.”

——————————————————————————

Dazai: *shows Yosano a picture of Chuuya*

Yosano: “DAMN SET ME UP WITH HIM!”

Kunikida: “I thought you were a lesbian?”

Yosano: “Wait! Fuck! I genuinely forgot I was gay when I looked at him!”

@stinkyme

[atlaskrr]

... i just read the new bsd chap. wtf.

FIRST OF ALL

WHAT THE FUCK. TERUKOS DEAD TOO????? killing myself. also now, all the hunting dogs except teacchou are dead. holy shit. oh my god.

then we got a teruko backstory and AUGHHHH

SHES ONLY TWELVE??? SHE MATURED HER MIND IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS OF HER LIFE. this girl is the DEFENITION of grew up too fast. and no wonder she loves fukuchi so much. he saved her. now we have all hunting dogs backstories but tecchous. hmmmm we shall see.

also what is this ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. i cant even- and sskk is gonna fight this thing???

AND THIS IS HOW WE END. THIS WAS ALL FOR NOTHING?!

oh hoe could i forget to much how much i HATE fyodor doing THIS

FYM HE AYAS "PROTECTOR" NOW. IM CALLING BS AND IF ITS NOT- BRO

LIKE SHES CRYING. GIVE HER HER DAD BACK

[sskk-ao3feed]

bros before hoes? NO. MY bro is MY hoe.

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/hasOKnA by sanestfyolailover mainly wrote this fic for me but read if you want yolo :p Words: 559, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Naomi, Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Higuchi Ichiyou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Gin, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kajii Motojirou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs), Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Ookura Teruko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Suehiro Tecchou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jouno Saigiku (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fukuzawa Yukichi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fukuchi Ouchi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs) Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Gin/Higuchi Ichiyou, Fyodor Dostoyevsky/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tachihara Michizou/Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Ozaki Kouyou/Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka/Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji & Suehiro Tecchou (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: One-Sided Attraction, Silly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Gay, Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions (Bungou Stray Dogs), Cute, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Wrote This While Listening to Melanie Martinez's Music, Melanie Martinez References, Taylor Swift References, Chatting & Messaging, Dirty Jokes, Slice of Life, Everyone Is Gay, French Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allan Poe is Whipped (Bungou Stray Dogs), Swearing read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/hasOKnA

[soukcku]

16 bc im an au hoe

what is ur favourite ridiculous au

there are so many but my favorite is the evil au with @ainaki which was borne out of my desire for Fyodor to brainwash Dazai, and then we made Kunikida evil, and then we decided that if Dazai is getting brainwashed Chuuya should get to be brainwashed too, so now they’re all out there being evil while Gogol and Tecchou are the more extreme forms of Kunikida & Dazai and also in the Agency and Nikolai and Fyodor are still in love and it’s very very self indulgent and very very good

[judasgot-it]

Just saw your post on what kind of lovers Dazai, Tecchou and Nikolai are and I want to know what kind of lover Chuuya is!!

DJFLJAFL I NEVER GET CHUUYA REQUESTS OMG (short king. he is such a good character I love him)

Headcannon: What kind of lover is he? (Chuuya, the short king himself mwah)

After being screwed over by so many people he thought he could trust, he has a hard time giving his heart over. Especially when it comes to some of the most vulnerable parts of himself, since he still has soft spots for people who he hates - he needs to be reassured, and has no issue telling his lover "I love you" - it's the one thing he needs to hear as well.

I feel like despite appearing angry a lot, he's sensitive to a lot of things - he finds his relationships to be a top priority since they're all he has

So his lover is someone who he thinks about a lot, so much that he'd go out of his way for them

He communicates his feelings in not the best way though, since he tends to repress them too

This man will struggle to open up, not because he doesn't trust but because he feels like it becomes a burden. The whole childhood thing is a bit much for him.

Literally will listen to you rant about yours just fine but he can't talk about his for shit. He just brings it up randomly like "I was stabbed by my best friend in the gang once"

Does NOT elaborate

He loves to gossip though, and probably does bitch about some things - like Dazai. Whatever mundane drama goes on in his life he WILL tell his lover.

Needs to be told "I love you" and reassured that he won't be abandoned. Probably is a frequent texter and gives a little too many gifts. He has the money to spoil, and he will.

If he's given something back, he'll do it back threefold. He has a really big heart unfortunately, it's his downfall

Loyal in a clingy way tbh.

Gets sad if you don't cuddle him or kiss him when you see him come home or leave for work. or see him anytime really.

Unless he's in front of important people he's a stage 5 PDA guy

He'd probably leave his lover alone if they asked but I think he wants to be seen as a couple when he's around them, he doesn't want any sort of second-guessing

I blame all of this on his Taurus energy

I need to tryout more Chuuya content cuz he seems like a loyal AF dude and I can't stand hoes (Dazai is said hoe. jk i love that hoe)