#technically straight but playing with gender like a cat with a bird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

an-angel-in-the-garden · 3 years

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Hello! I saw that requests were open and I was wondering if I could request the demon brothers from Obey Me! (separately) with a mermaid s/o? The brothers are unaware that their s/o is a mermaid since they hid themself amongst humans and pretended to be one. But since they’re in the Devildom and they miss the ocean, they’ll take really long baths in the bathroom while in their mermaid form whenever they can. Maybe the brothers find out they’re a mermaid when they accidentally see their s/o in their mermaid form? Gender-neutral please! And sorry if this is kinda a long request. I love your work and I hope you have a lovely day! Thank you! ❤️

Aww, I'm glad you like my work thank you for requesting it! And don't worry I love long requests it really helps me when it comes to writing! I will also say this is technically against my rules as I only write for 6 at a time but I will make an exception only for the Obey Me brothers just please keep that in mind. - Lilly

Set up

It's been a rough week the heat in the Deilvdom Is already above average but this past week has been the worst it's almost unbearable and I want nothing more then to get home so I can soak myself for a while. I've been doing that most days anyway but now it's more out of need than a want. Another hot day and another need for a long bath only this time I would get to relax for even longer! 'Everyone should still be at RAD for the meeting" With how hot it was Diavolo said it would be okay for me to head back so I didn't risk passing out so I would have at least an extra hour before anyone got home! Fully submerged in cool water my Iridescent tail just slightly hanging out I let myself unwind from the week. "Other than the heat things have been good I've kept my grades high and tomorrow we'll be going on a date" My lips pull into a smile as I muse not noticing the sound of knocking or the worried voice of my partner calling out to me it seems only natural this would happen one day but opening my eyes to the shocked face of my lover wasn't how I planned it.

Lucifer

Though fully shocked by the news that you're apparently a kind of merfolk he is also in stunned awe

It might take him a few moments but once he recomposes himself he'll jump straight to questioning you on things

He's not mad not even really a little angry that you kept this from him he just wants to know why and how you hid it....did Diavolo know?!

After you answer his questions he just stands there in amazement as a human he thought you the most beautiful being and now you're also like a shining star

You also have no idea how much pride this man has when he finds out you wanted to tell him and only him for a while now

He does get a little shy about a desire he now has but he still tells you about it (it's wanting to see and swim with you in the ocean)

" My my and here I thought you couldn't surprise me anymore then you already have you truly are my most special one huh?

Mammon

So flustered I mean what was he supposed to do you're in the tub and oh...oh you're a merfolk

He doesn't fully know how to process this information but man he knows he's happy and a little upset

Ask tons of questions and most of them are about why and how you hid this from him

Once that's out of the way Mammon is so excited you've been his number one since before you even started dating but knowing this secret about you and being the only one to know even if it was an accident makes him so happy

You get a new nickname then and there and it's His Sea Jewel though he still calls you his human to cause duh

He plans to take you to the ocean whenever he can just so you be fully yourself and enjoy not being in such a small tub( he might even bribe Asmo so you can use his tub too)

"I always knew you were a treasure but babe this is something else ya know"

Leviathan

:o that's him when he sees your tail, You're a sea dweller like him!!!!

Not even really gonna wonder why you didn't tell him he just gonna make sure you haven't told anyone else

Guess what your new couple's activity is! It's swimming in his aquarium room him in his demon form and you in your merfolk from

Is now a hype man for you talking up how cool it is that you are really a merperson and how it's just like the anime my best friend turned out to be a mermaid!

Will not even think about telling his brothers this is his secret with you now no one else should know unless you want to tell them..

Please let him help clean your tail and fins he will do everything you (⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Satan

He walks out right away and it won't dawn on him at first that you're a merfolk until he's out of the room

Does tons of research on mermaids and merpeople in general

He's hyper-focused on it for a bit and honesty prefers if you want to tell the others because he can brag that you're all his

Teasing calls you catfish and lovingly calls you jellyfish don't ask why

Is really scared now of bringing you with him to play with cats or showing you the cats he brings in thanks to slightly fearing they may try to eat you

enjoys sitting in the tub with you while you stay in your full form even if you like the water cold if it means holding you like this he won't mind

" What a wonderful surprise my dear jellyfish if you ever want to go see the ocean just let me know it will be our vacation plans"

Asmodeus

At first, he was just happy to see enjoying your time and then he saw the tail

He so excited his partner the second most beautiful person in all the Devildom and the most beautiful human is actually a beautiful merfolk

Will not question it at all he understand why you might want to hide it and that Diavolo probably already knew so he's not worried

Asmo already called you many sweet nicknames but his new favorite is Angle fish

Now that he knows he becomes far more committed to helping you out with a beauty routine after all merpeople can't risk their fins and scales drying or being hurt

If you're okay with it he'll want to post about you in your true form mostly bragging about how amazing you are

" I didn't think you could be any more gorgeous yet here you are angle fish glimmering like a clear night star"

Beelzebub

His first thing after seeing you like this is to be worried you're in the heat so often are you ok?

Beel isn't really fazed by the fact you've been hiding this he's just happy you don't mind him knowing

Won't say a word to anyone unless you want him to but will ask if he can at least tell Belphie

He will go to the beach with you whenever you want and starts to take you with him to work out his gym has a huge swimming pool you can use

Really wants to know about food you like now did you enjoy fish or other types of seafood if so raw or cooked he'll plan a dinner for you

Beel will still call you cupcake but sometimes when he wants to tease you he calls you sushi and if anyone calls you that in a mocking way he will fight

" I've always like carrying you around but now I have even more reasons to"

Belphegor

Doesn't ever notice you have a tail he just wanted to know why you were in the bath for so long

Is both in awe and also doesn't care thanks to you he became ok with humans again and even though he knows you're not really one you clearly choose to live like you are

Is fine with keeping it a secret but will also be real smug if you tell people cause now people think your even cooler but your all his

He can sleep anywhere and thought he wont be in the tub with you he will hold your hand and rub your tail while he sits on the ground and naps

Doesn't like going to the beach much but if you really wanna go hell come with you just to see having fun

Will whole heartedly defend you and fight for you if someone finds out and picks on you or if any of his brothers bother you

" Who would've guessed that you would be such a magical person and to not just that but that even being who you are you still choose me"

Okay I hope that this was to your liking and thank you for reading! And a huge thank you to my best friend @bird-brained-plague-doctor for helping me with some of the ideas used!!!!

#x reader #reader imagine #obey me imagines #obey me x reader #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmodeus x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphegor x reader

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waithyuck · 4 years

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extra elongated tag game

tagged by @gohyuck my love

tagging: @kwantified @honeyyu @jensungf @renjunwrites @neo-shitty @suingjaehyun

O N E

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

okay so my ult group is nct and I can’t remember what song exactly but i remember not being a stan and LOVING back 2 u so much that I had to look into nct

for bts is was serendipity and blood sweat & tears

ateez was pirate king bc we stanned since debut 😔✊

T W O

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

favorite item of clothing?

I own a lot of hoodies but my fav is my dark gray we go up hoodie and it’s big n comfy....yeah

if you had to smell like one scent for the rest of your life what would it be?

I think I would want to smell like vanilla or lavender

favorite painter? why?

frida kahlo bc she embraced everything about herself and did wonderful self portraits

what’s your favorite horror movie (and if you don’t like horror, why not?)?

I don’t like jumpscares so most horror is not to my taste....however give a psychological horror and I’ll go off ab how much I love it (like idk if it’s considered horror but ‘a cure for wellness’ anyone???)

iphone or android?

iPhone dude

favorite tiktok trend (and if you don’t like tiktok, you can talk about how much influencers suck)?

i only go on tiktok for the kpop content I don’t know trends,,,,also can be talk about how most influencers on that app manipulate literal children into giving them money?? for doing absolutely nothing??

if you could wake up with any new ability what would it be?

the ability to read others emotions and make them happy no matter what (call me a corny ass bitch but it’s true)

favorite superhero/supervillain/antihero?

people consider her a ‘villain’ so I’m saying maleficent (from the movie maleficent) bc ??? she fell in love with a man and he fuckin just,,,,did her so dirty and left her broken-hearted and cut off her wings like ??? hell I’d be mad too I’d curse the little ass baby he had with another woman just as fast as she did. also how about that character development??? she cursed aurora but always looked out for her and eventually came to love her?? and that’s the kiss that broke the spell and woke aurora up?? call that motherly love we stan

if you could only dress in one color for the rest of your life which color would it be?

realistically black is prob the way I would go but gray is also a valid option

who’s your ult and give me five reasons why.

oof y’all already know it’s my boy lee donghyuck

1. his vocals??? the vocals alone are enough reason to stan

2. his dancing??? he is so incredibly talented and I love watching him move

3. his hardwork and dedication to his career, like he loves what he does so much and I love seeing him shine (but also like, pls let him sit the fuck down for a sec)

4. his aura and personality !!!!! is just so loveable !!! he brightens the room with his mood-making personality and I’m just in love with him god

5. okay okay now I’ll touch on the fact that he’s so fucking handsome??? a visual king ???? look at that face, look at those legs, JUST LOOK AT HIS BODY PROPORTIONS. PERFECT.

my questions:

what is your favorite memory from your childhood?

If you could travel anywhere in the world with just a snap of your fingers, where would you go and why?

describe your personality in three (3) words.

what is your favorite thing that you have ever read? (anything you’ve ever read counts! fanfiction, poems, novels etc.) why?

are you the studying type of person or the type to just ‘wing it’ when you have a big test coming up?

between bold colors and pastel colors, which do you prefer?

do you live life in the moment or do you plan every action you take?

what is your favorite holiday and why? (all holidays count! across all religions and cultures 😄)

would you rather stay up to stargaze in the middle of the night or wake up early to watch the sunrise?

what is your favorite eye color on another person?

T H R E E

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

F O U R

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better!

PERSONAL

name: samantha

nickname: sam

birthday: march 9

zodiac: pisces sun

nationality: american

languages: english, currently learning korean

gender: female

sexuality: pansexual :)

height: 5’2” (157 cm)

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: music, tv, movies

meaning behind my url: hyuck is doin too much he’s gotta just give me a break and wAIT A SEC = waithyuck

blog established: 2020 but I’ve been on tumblr since 2015

followers: 791

FAVORITES

favorite animals: pigs, cats, dogs, snakes

favorite books: lord of the flies, the great gatsby, hamlet even tho it wasn’t technically a book

favorite color: yellow, orange, pink

favorite fictional characters: gilbert blythe, prince zuko from atla idk who else

favorite flower: sunflowers, carnations, roses

favorite scent: vanilla, citrus, lavender

favorite season: spring or fall

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: like 4-5

cats or dogs: both

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate

current time: 2:23 p.m.

dream trip: seoul, rome, greece in general, london, dublin

dream job: teaching english as a second language, linguist, translator

hobbies: writing, drawing, singing

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

last movie watched: burlesque lmao

last song listened to: kick it - nct 127

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): my fingers are double jointed lmaO idk

F I V E

10 things i can’t stop listening to

slow down - chase atlantic

watermelon sugar - harry styles

to die for - sam smith

we go up - nct dream

blue side - j-hope

god’s menu - stray kids

inception - ateez

love me right - rendezvous at two

renegade - aaryan shah

HER - chase atlantic

#tagged #tag game #raya🧡#mutuals #gohyuck #thanks for the tag !

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shriekthemighty · 4 years

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High School (and Middle School) Never Ends

For years I have occasionally thought back to the videos that made my youth. Salad Fingers, Cat with Hands. Spoilsbury Toast Boy. The first two were amusing, if off-putting at times. Fond memories of my youth. But Spoilsbury Toast Boy is a hectic flashback mirage of deeply unsettling imagery. I like to think of myself as someone who isn’t easily scared. I found Salad Fingers amusing. Cat with Hands was mildly creepy at best. After one viewing I vowed to never watch Spoilsbury Toast Boy again.

Every time I remember Spoilsbury Toast Boy, I resolve myself to rewatch it. To prove to myself that it’s not as intensely unnerving as I remember. Every time, I forget. Like my mind is protecting me from what I have mostly forgotten.

But today that will change. Today I will rewatch Spoilsbury Toast Boy for the first time in about a decade.

But first. Salad Fingers! I figured it was a good starting place on the creepy scale, as I can understand why some people would find it unnerving. And I’ve heard there’s been some new content since I was a kid! So let’s go!

Episode 1: Was this a youtube thing originally? That doesn’t seem right. And 11 episodes??? I feel like there were maybe 5 last time I looked? Granted, that was almost a decade ago. I’m making myself feel old. But now! The first episode!

“The feeling of rust against my salad fingers is almost orgasmic.” Iconic. THE quote that dominated my early teen years.

The rusty kettle thing feels like it’s there to just make him look like a creep, but ALSO feels like some weird foreshadowing or something. It’s been so long. idk.

Episode 2: The introduction of the finger friends! The real start, in a first watch, to indicate that Salad Fingers is maybe a bit fucked up. And the abrupt language change is interesting. This is all familiar so far.

“I like it when the red water comes out...” Okay, this is when it should probably start being unsettling? A humanoid figure is presumably burned alive while the non humanoid is getting off on impaling his finger. But. I’m not upset? This feels normal for the times? What were the early 2000′s.

Real world references to bring the weirdness home! Very good! And a finger friend now seemingly in the flesh! The episode ends with a return to the oven and the ‘fish’ about done. Still all things I remember

Episode 3: There is so much, in only the first few minutes of this video. Oh boy. Is it a product of the times, or ahead of them? Only time will tell. I don’t even have the energy to talk about ‘milk from the teat’ of Salad Fingers being produced via masochistic acts and just... I’m too tired. This is a quarantine adjacent nostalgia tour blog.

I took a break and am now restarting this the next day. The flute playing is, interesting? As is the more humanoid but clearly mutated figure being so intent on killing Salad Fingers.

Episode 4: A person is watching him so he just... goes home. I feel that.

This child loves him. Why???

A bug! Little sister.

I love the post apocalyptic implications of his house having a number on the door. And a trap! A grubby tap trap!

There is so much phallic imagery happening.

And he just... bamfs out! The poor child is sad. Riding taps into the sunset...

Episode 5: The broken phone and forgetting Hubert’s name is interesting. All still somewhat familiar. I’m pretty sure I’ve see this episode before.

Dressed as a bride and distressed. Not just a picnic, a wedding. Guests imminent!

One of the finger friends in the window does NOT like him having a new playmate!

THE BIRD. THE BIRD STOLE THE SPOON! OH NO!

The girl talking is definitely significant. Interesting

Episode 6: Someone is in the house, and the finger friends are back! He remembers Hubert’s name this time. Bye bye Jeremy!

Wash those bad thoughts away. The toilet (somehow still able to flush) knows things.

He’s eating... himself? Another Salad Fingers? Who knows. The toilet knows.

Episode 7: Floor sugar.

I can never tell if this is one of those things where there’s all some deeper meaning, or if it’s just meant to be weird and senseless. Is Kenneth actually his brother? Was there a great war? Idk, I’m drunk.

The tree “barely shuffled an inch” a way of keeping sane? Making sure all is in its place? I’m reading too much into this.

In a dress once more. I want this to be a gender thing, but I don’t think it is.

Episode 8: Filling a clearly broken radio with... metal pellets? Buckshot? And Things are happening.

Hiding in the safety cupboard with a ‘special hair” dragged across the eye. Interesting. Multiple special hairs.

By the end of this I fully expect The Revenge of Hubert Cumberdale.

Oh someone wants their hair back! A ghost??

Goodbye special hairs. The safety cupboard is the crying cupboard now.

Episode 9: The animation style seems different here. I’m not sure I saw the last episode, but I’m almost positive I haven’t seen this one.

Oh shit. Baby Yvonne.

Wtf is up with his salad fingers!!!

Use your “baby” to clean the windows and then eat a sandwich. At first I thought he didn’t want to give up Yvonne, but now I think he just realized it wasn’t a baby and came up with another reason he must have gone there?

Episode 10: WAY nicer animation immediately. This was obviously done years after the original ones.

Milford is still there and it’s Hubert’s birthday! Oh shit!

A shiny new monolith thing, here to bring salvation and the end of Salad Fingers’ world?

Oh the detail on that is HORRIFYING. I miss the low quality now.

Hubert Jason!

Well. Dr. Papanak is terrifying.

That took an unexpected turn. Poor horse.

And... more horses. Okay. Also, does Salad Fingers look older suddenly? Sounds older too.

More Salad Fingers!! Oh poor boy, he’s seeing what he would have (should have?) become. He’s all alone.

The monolith is moving!

...okay then.

Episode 11: The last episode! How will it end?

Fighting with his finger friends, so sad.

I REALLY don’t like the detail on the fingers now. Better animation is not always a good thing. Does help the creepy factor though.

New Hubert is awful and glass mother is entirely unsurprising. Let’s see where it leads!

Very Gollum/Smeagol. Interesting.

Yeah, saw that coming. Bye, Hubert!

Through the puddle, rescue Hubert! And... do that, I guess. Will Hubert seek revenge yet?

Huh. So that’s all of Salad Fingers. I enjoyed it, but I understand nothing

Spoilsbury Toastboy Time!

Episode The Title One: Oh shit it’s by the same guy! That makes sense.

Idk if I’ve ever seen this one. I watched the one titled episode 1 first.

Oh wait yes, I think I have seen this! The beetle goes into his ear and that’s why he sees beetles!

Oh. Well. Things can’t be wrong if you’re dead, I guess!

Episode 1: I technically watched this one first, so that’s important.

Already very intense. Kill grandma!

Speckled huckleberry leaves. That’s the thing that made Salad Fingers sick, I think!

Grandma burning in the fire. I remember that!

For some reason I remembered the beetles as crickets? I have a very clear memory of this.

Episode 2: Quite the young gentleman. And then straight to work! Sounds about right.

Corporate slavery seeming all normal, and back to grandma! I feel like she was a big part of why this terrified me as a teen, so let’s see.

Oh the beetles are fucking. I think one fucks grandma at some point? Yup, there it is! They’re raping grandma. Cool.

This just seems... senselessly cruel? Like, not even entertainingly grimdark. Why did this used to scare me. I’ve finished it and I’m just annoyed that I wasted my time.

Bonus: Cat With Hands!

Since I mentioned it in the intro, I figured I’d watch this one again too. I remember finding it mildly creepy. More so than Salad Fingers, but way less than Spoilsbury Toast Boy.

The guy who hasn’t spoken is the cat, right? I remember this. He just needs a tongue.

Wow this animation is BAD. But that almost makes it better? It works, for the story.

Yup, just as I remembered. I think this one is probably only scary the first time, when you don’t know what to expect.

#salad fingers #cat with hands #spoilsbury toast boy #childhood #me

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pinkiepiebones · 5 years

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I was tagged by @deep-aural-fixation

Name: Zombie

Nicknames: Zomb, Zombalom, Zom-Zom, Pinkie

Zodiac: Rabbit, I think. Year of the Dragon, but the year didn’t start until after my birthday, so I think I’m technically a Rabbit? Oh, and Aquarius

Height: 5’3” if I stand up straight

Languages: English. I can introduce myself in Japanese and explain I don’t speak it and ask if the listener knows English.

Nationality: I don’t know. All the depressed and white ones.

Favorite season: Right between fall and winter.

Favorite flower: Stargazer Lily

Favorite scent: Like, real or perfumes? I’m allergic to so damned much anyway...

Favorite fictional character: Victor Zsasz but only when he’s written well

Coffee, hot tea, or hot chocolate?: Don’t like hot drinks.

Average sleep: Uh, five, six hours? I have to take sleep meds otherwise my anxiety keeps waking me up.

Dogs or cats?: Both but I have a preference towards cats

Number of blankets: Depends on the weather and my hot flashes

Dream trip: I want to go back to the town that inspired Twin Peaks and Deadly Premonition again someday.

Blog established: Whenever Tron Legacy came out. Fuck...

Random fact: I made Tobias Forge laugh once

Gender: No thank you

Current time: 8:06am

Favorite artists: Ghost, the Monkees, Dandy Warhols... I like a lot of artists, but I have to be in the right mood for most of them. Ghost is great for all times.

Stuck in my head: "Dance Macabre” by Ghost

Last movie I saw: In theatres? Birds of Prey. On video? Ford v. Ferrari

Last thing I Googled: (I’m a paranoid dick who only uses DuckDuckGo) Eastern Towhee habitat

Do I get asks?: Very very infrequently despite my constant begging for them

Reason for URL: Was once ‘pinkiepieclone,’ changed it for Halloween. Kevin Free called me ‘sweet bones’ when answering an ask so I decided to keep this.

Followers/following: Followers: 698 (it’s been fluctuating though, I think a lot are spambots getting deleted)(really wanted to hit 700 for my birthday. Oh well, there’s always next year). Following: 90 (I went on a depressive unfollow spree recently)

Lucky number: No

Currently wearing: Jeans and a pajama top because I can’t fucking get with it and finished getting dressed

Dream job: Anything that will make me irresponsibly wealthy enough that I can fill people’s gofundmes and kofis and have a modest home with an always-available guest room for anyone who needs a place to stay. I just want to help people, ultimately, I guess.

Favorite foods: Steak, fried rice, pizza... I eat like a child

Instruments: Played a saxophone eons ago. Dabble in kalimba playing now. I can’t read music for shit though.

Favorite song: Impossible choice

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innerclouds · 5 years

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Another big ask request:

“Wait, these are actually hella cute questions.”

—

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Don't recall.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Latter.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Bae.

4. Are you easy to get along with? Probably not.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? If I'm drunk chances are they're drunk too so attempts at care would be made.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Big brains.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Mebe.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Idk.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? No.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Bae.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Something about freezing to death.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Don't have any currently.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No touchy.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Luck sorta, miracles no.

15. What good thing happened this summer? Computer didn't melt.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Do e-kisses count?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? You'd have to be stupid to think there wasn't any. Now if said life is as intelligent(lol) as humans or higher, that's another story.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Not really.

19. Do you like bubble baths? Not really.

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes and no.

21. What are you bad habits? Nail nibbling.

22. Where would you like to travel? Lotta places.

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes, but it's more on the surface due to anxiety, if I get to know someone it evaporates.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Chat with bae.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? There's two of them and they sit high.

26. What do you do when you wake up? Yell at the cat to stfu/pitch alarm.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Albino levels of lighter.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Bae, cat, 2/3 siblings.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? I have not had contact with them so I don't know and I honestly don't care.

30. Do you ever want to get married? Yus.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Ew.

33. Spell your name with your chin. No, you know how much bacteria is on a keyboard? I keep mine clean but even so, that's nasty.

34. Do you play sports? What sports? No.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV. I mean I already technically do, I don't bother watching anymore unless movies count but I use my comp for that.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Absolutely nothing.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Bae.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sprouts? Costco? I dunno, I wouldn't call those favorites, they're just stores.

40. What do you want to do after high school? I wanted to be into dinos, but too much leg work in terrible environments plus layoffs layoffs layoffs.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Ye.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Any number of things.

43. Do you smile at strangers? Lolno.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Spaaaaaaaaaaaace.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Chats with bae, cat yowling, alarm, not wanting to be homeless so go to work

46. What are you paranoid about? That is an extremely long list.

47. Have you ever been high? Yes.

48. Have you ever been drunk? Unfortunately.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Maybe.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yep.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Rather not say.

53. Favourite makeup brand? What makeup?

54. Favourite store? I answered this above.

55. Favourite blog? Bae's.

56. Favourite colour? Answered this.

57. Favourite food? Answered this.

58. Last thing you ate? Ice cube.

59. First thing you ate this morning? Orange juice.

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Ah... halloween costume thing in a game once, years ago.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No.

62. Been arrested? For what? No.

63. Ever been in love? Yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I don't think it counts.

65. Are you hungry right now? Sure.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Who says those aren't one in the same?

67. Facebook or Twitter? Both are equally interesting and retarded at the same time.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? See above.

69. Are you watching tv right now? No.

70. Names of your bestfriends? Sebbysheepy

71. Craving something? What? Bison burgers, thanks to above.

72. What colour are your towels? Black, gray and misc print.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Four if you count the body pillow.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 11.

75. Favourite animal? Sharks, birds

76. What colour is your underwear? Currently? Dark blue.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Yes.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Answered this.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black.

80. What colour pants? Gray.

81. Favourite tv show? Answered this.

82. Favourite movie? Answered this.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Never seen either.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? See above.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Stop asking about whatever mean girls is I've never seen it.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Bruce and the sharks.

87. First person you talked to today? Cat.

88. Last person you talked to today? Bae.

89. Name a person you hate? I don't hate exactly, I just dislike with various tiers.

90. Name a person you love? People with brains.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No because that means I'd have to touch them.

92. In a fight with someone? Cat maybe.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? Three or four.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Two.

95. Last movie you watched? Don't recall.

96. Favourite actress? None.

97. Favourite actor? Sam Neill.

98. Do you tan a lot? I burn.

99. Have any pets? Gatto.

100. How are you feeling? Meh.

101. Do you type fast? Yes and no.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Tons.

103. Can you spell well? Well.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Possibly.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes.

108. What should you be doing? Drawing.

109. Is something irritating you right now? This ask request has over 100 questions, that's abnormal.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues? Wtf, I've answered this in this same ask thing.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Idk.

113. What was your childhood nickname? I'd rather not say, it was mean.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii? No.

116. Are you listening to music right now? No.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes.

118. Do you like Chinese food? Love it.

119. Favourite book? Anwered this.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? No.

121. Are you mean? I try not to be but I can be.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I don't have white shoes.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? Not really.

127. What makes you happy? Bae.

128. Would you change your name? Absolutely.

129. What your zodiac sign? Rat.

130. Do you like subway? No.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Uh, lol.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I've answered this in the same ask thing. You need to screen these so there's no repeats. Shit gets old.

133. Favourite lyrics right now? None.

134. Can you count to one million? Why?

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Been a few of those.

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed hopefully!

137. How tall are you? Smol.

138. Curly or Straight hair? Me? Wavey.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Me? Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? Autumn.

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? Autumn or mid spring.

143. Are you a vegetarian? No. Meat is too tasty.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark cocolate.

145. Tea or Coffee? Yes.

146. Was today a good day? Meh.

147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers.

148. What’s your favourite quote? "Never try, never fail."

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Sorta.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "That creep."

#ask request

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loladiamond01 · 5 years

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50 Questions Tag

Hey there, so I thought I can’t ignore this forever, and so I’m going to do the rest of the things I was tagged for. First, the 50 questions tag, for which I was tagged by @thesimperiuscurse quite some time ago. I decided to do this for Shari since we haven’t seen her in a while, plus she’s rather... uh... complex, so it might be interesting.

How old is your Sim? As of the latest, 19th, chapter, she is 34.

When is your Sim’s birthday? July 4th.

What is your Sim’s zodiac sign? Ironically, both she and Ron are cancers. *coughs suggestively*

What is your Sim’s ethnicity? American, though I do not talk much about it in the story.

Does your sim have any nicknames? Shari. Tiny Shari sometimes (I think @thesimperiuscurse once used it in reference to her, I liked it, and it kind of stuck).

Do they have a job? Technically, she’s a cartoonist, and has even released a couple books with her drawings. But no, she doesn’t have a “real” job, in terms of having set work hours, being forced to get up in the morning, etc.

Where does your Sim live? She currently lives in Appaloosa Plains.

Who does your Sim live with? She lives with her husband, John, and their three children, oldest James and twins – Jasmine and Justin.

What environment did your sims grow up in? She grew up in a loving environment. Although her mom, Candy, was technically a single mother, Shari was surrounded by many other adults she treated like family – “uncles” Reggie, Frank and Waylon, and “aunt” Hailey. And of course, she grew up with Ron and Becca (her peers), and two years older Clint. But throughout the years, she’d grown more and more jealous of the fact that everyone had a father except her. She deeply believed in importance of a traditional family dynamic, even to the point of feeling sorry for Clint for growing up without a mother.

What is your Sim’s favorite food? She loves sweets, and especially chocolate. She can eat a whole bar (or a couple of them) by herself when she’s stressed, which is often.

What is your Sim’s favorite drink? Shari loves tea. She often prepares herself the melissa one because she’s trying to convince herself it will calm her down during anxiety attacks (which it really doesn’t).

If they have one, what is your Sim’s favorite color? She doesn’t really have a favorite, though she started wearing a lot of red because of Ron (and the fact he connects red to her due to his synesthesia), and has gotten so used to it, she still unconsciously buys a lot of red clothes.

Does your Sim believe in any clichés (love at first sight)? She doesn’t necessarily believe in love at first sight, but she does believe in destiny, and that everyone’s fate is known before they are born.

What is your Sim’s sexuality? Straight.

What is your Sim’s gender identity? Female.

Is your Sim type A or type B? It’s hard to tell because she’s quantities connected with both – gets stressed easily, is impulsive, over-emotional, but definitely not a high-achiever.

Is your Sim introverted or extroverted? Introverted.

What is your Sim’s favourite woohoo position? In a way, she treats sex like a way to feel less alone, so she would pick anything that lets her feel it on a spiritual level. She particularly enjoys face to face positions with a lot of tight hugging, like the basket pose. But she doesn’t usually voice her preference and lets the partner decide because she’s desperate for just about any physical contact.

Is your Sim a pet person? She adores pets of all kinds, and can’t pick a favorite. She had always wanted a dog as a child, and was excited when her husband brought a rescued puppy home. Now, as she lives in the country, she feeds a lot of stray cats, dogs, and has also learned horse-riding.

Does your Sim have a best friend? She used to be very close to Becca when she was still alive. Now that she’s mostly distanced herself from all her past acquaintances, she doesn’t really have friends anymore.

What is/ was your Sim’s favorite school subject? Art.

Is/ was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school? She was a low achiever because she was always too focused on her drawings to pay attention during classes.

Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? She studied fine arts for a short period of time, but then dropped out.

What are your Sim’s political beliefs (if they have them)? Shari is an ignorant when it comes to politics, and not once has she even considered voting, nor is she interested in what’s going on in the world.

What is one thing your Sim wants to do before they die? She wants to come clean to her husband, and admit she’s cheated on him multiple times with many other men.

Does your Sim have a favourite TV show (cable) and/ or movie? She doesn’t really watch TV.

Is your Sim a Netflix viewer? She doesn’t watch any series either. She once tried, but came to a conclusion that people there either seem too happy, or, in the dramatic ones, so sad she gets more depressed than she normally is.

Does your Sim like books? Not traditional books, but she loves comics, and likes to do fanart sometimes.

Does your Sim enjoy video games, if so, what is their favorite one, and do they play on PC or console? She used to play on console with Ron, Becca and Clint as a teenager, but she doesn’t do that anymore.

What is your Sim’s personal style? She wears girly clothes in bright colors. When she was younger, she sometimes liked experimenting with more risqué clothing and make up, but has grown out of it. She also loves flower themes, and midi skirts.

Does your Sim have a lucky charm? That would be the bracelet given to her by Ron on their anniversary. More about it in this post.

Is your Sim religious? Not really, but she believes that there exists something out there that’s going to eventually punish her for all the wrong she’s done, like cheating, which she feels extremely guilty about, but has no plans of stopping.

What kind of music does your Sim listen to and who is their favorite artist? She doesn’t listen to music with lyrics, only relaxation music to calm herself down during anxiety attacks. She loves when there are birds or sea sounds included.

Is your Sim a festive person? If so, what’s their favorite holiday? She doesn’t care much for holidays. Usually, her anxiety increases during Christmas when she has to leave the house and shop in a crowd.

What is your Sim’s favorite type of weather? She loves when the sun’s shining. It makes her a bit happier.

Does your Sim prefer to start fights or finish them? She avoids conflict at all cost. So, most likely, she will burst out crying and apologize even if she’s not actually guilty. Thankfully, she and John don’t argue often because he’s very peaceful by nature.

Does your Sim have a dream job? She doesn’t really know what she wants out of life. There was a time when she wanted to be a praised artist but now she feels nauseous at the prospect of being overwhelmingly famous.

Does your Sim have any siblings? She’s an only child, though she used to think of Becca as her sister.

Does your Sim get along with their family? She used to be very close to her mother, and all her extended family (not related to her by blood, but she thought of them as such), but now she’s distanced herself from them, so she isn’t anymore.

What is your Sim’s favourite hobby? Drawing.

What does your Sim look for in a romantic partner? She has never had a healthy relationship. Her marriage with John was a way of escaping from unfinished business with Ron, and she wanted someone who’d provide for her. All she’s done after that have been hook-ups with no emotional attachment.

What is a secret about your Sim? She has a calendar in which she notes down the dates and names of all the people she’s cheated on John with.

What is a wish your Sim has? She wants to die, but is too afraid to commit a suicide in fear she’ll get punished in the afterlife.

What is a flaw your Sim has? Her fear of rejection, which prevents her from building up a proper relationship with anyone.

How do others generally perceive your Sim? As shy, insecure, reserved and vulnerable.

Does your Sim have a greatest achievement? If so, what is it? She’s become quite well-known on the internet because of her comics. She was even invited to take part in a meet and greet to talk with her fans and sign her comics, but she didn’t go due to her anxiety.

If they have one, what is your Sim’s greatest regret? She deeply regrets breaking up with Ron, even though she continuously tries to convince herself it was a good decision.

Does your sim have a favorite emoji? ♥ – a heart, which she not only uses in her conversations with John and her children, but also the men she hooks up with. She often prefers it over actual words because she tends to overanalyzes her text to the point she doesn’t know what to say anymore, and then panics that the person on the other side will get mad for her at leaving them hanging.

Does your Sim use Simstagram? If so what’s their @? She shares her comics on @sharistinydoodles (it’s not an actual username, don’t check, lol).

What is the last text your Sim sent (and who did they text)? “♥” in response to John’s message that he’ll be home in half an hour.

#shari's so messed up #i should really tag this post with like #tw: anxiety #or sth?#i mean i guess it can be quite triggering for some reading it #but sadly that's her #with her many many issues #anyway hope that was interesting #and sorry for the delay in responding to this #but you know the drill i was feeling drained etc. etc.#sharicka dawkings #shari dawkings #sharicka blake #shari blake #neverdoitagain #next one i'm going to do is carys' in-depth one #and i'm going to do it for britt #i'm stressed #now you're gonna see the real one with flat characters

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messr-kwbekjskej · 5 years

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｡･ﾟﾟ･　about me　･ﾟﾟ･｡

Tagged by @aaeschylus 💕

name: elijah

nicknames: goblin, elk, dad

gender/pronouns: nonbinary; they/them

zodiac: leo sun, taurus moon, scorpio rising

height: 5′4″

birthday: 08.01.2002

age: 17

sexuality: bisexual

other blogs: @samael-s, @kyareth

do i play an instrument? i play trumpet, piano & a tiny bit of uke

languages spoken: i speak english natively, but i’ve been taking chinese for 5 years and im learning korean on and off

nationality: american

pets? 2 dogs named chewy and gibbs, a guinea pig named pandora and a chinchilla named eevee

favourites:

– season: autumn

– flower: sunflowers, marigolds & peonies

– shows: good omens, atla, i remember you, death note, queer eye + the magnus archives, rabbits, tanis & the black tapes (im including podcasts here bc i listen to those more than i watch shows)

– movies: 80s horror movies, heathers, bright young things, v for vendetta, harry potter, american psycho, saw, the sixth sense, silence of the lambs

– books: harry potter, ziggy stardust & me, 1984, the picture of dorian gray, a tale for the time being, the divine comedy, it’s kind of a funny story, the wind up bird chronicle, shadows cast by stars, the watchers

– bands: the beatles, the front bottoms, the frights, hozier, rainbow kitten surprise, todrick hall, radical face, delta rae, the avett brothers, girl in red, three days grace, my chemical romance, frank iero, the hu

– kpop artists/groups: exo, chen, stray kids, seventeen, dreamcatcher, shinee, jonghyun, taemin

– fruits/vegitables: watermelon, cantaloupe, broccoli, pears, corn

– holiday: halloween/samhain (also some of the holidays for my pantheon but those aren’t fully formed yet lmao)

– sport: soccer & running

– tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? all of them, but mainly hot chocolate and cofee

– dogs or cats? both but im more of a dog person

about my blog:

– followers: like i think only like 40 or 50 ??? i lost all my followers when i switched blogs lmao

– following: 229

– created: this blog was made on June 15, 2019 but i’ve been here since 2014/2015ish

– purpose: collecting all my hyperfixation stuff that doesn’t have to do w/ my aesthetics

– why did i choose my url? bc i’m hyperfixating on the beatles rn and lady madonna is one of those songs i listen to for 3 hours straight bc it gets stuck in my head

– did i ever think of deactivating? i mean yeah ??? like i /technically/ deactivated from my old acc. but i haven’t deleted it just in case i wanna move back

#thanks for tagging me sunnie ily!!!!#tag game

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wrath-of-dawn · 6 years

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Tag 20 followers you’d like to get to know

Technically got tagged twice by the lovely @bambiistuff but i figured i’d play along with this account because I met them through this one 😄

Nicknames:

- Ash

- Raven Tiddy (if you wanna know why i can explain in another post but its a bit of a rant lol)

- My lady (only from @llamascanbepurple tho - ps love you Reggie Ol’boy)

- We’re not even gonna include some of the names by brother calls me because that list is long and nonsensical

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Cancer

Height: 5″ 6

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw (gotta love me some more ravens they’re such wonderful birds)

Favourite Animal: THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION but i’d have to go with maybe fox or raven maybe? or should I go with guinea pig seeing as I have two?

Average hrs. spent sleeping: on a weekday - about 7 (thank god for first period spare it used to be like 3 hrs). On a weekend - about 11 (I can sleep all day my record is 16 hrs straight)

Dogs or Cats: Both for different reasons. They are very different animals and have their own special reasons to love them both in their own ways.

Dream Job: zoologist/ anything to do with studying/working with wild animals

When i made this account: oh shit ummmm. . . . imma just take a gander and say november 2017? I have no clue. It was sometime in early to mid semester 1 I feel.

Why I made this account: So I would stop spamming my irl friend’s accounts with akayona stuff and so I could post stuff about it without them going: ???? therefore my main account is full of memes, other anime, etc

(She says fully intending to tag them in this)

Followers: On this account - 482 and I love each and everyone of you guys whether I've been lucky enough to chat with you or not, you guys make my day so much better!

thanks again @bambiistuff! This was fun :)

Tagging: @star-dancer-13 @llamascanbepurple @thatembergirl @thatnerdgirl454 @aligrump @rollzerox @zenoobsessed @ne-onblue @umu1234 @party-with-books @iluvluvnutella @spoilliest @dillislazii @lovelyhearth-3129 @punchagoddamnnazi @http-kenopsia @mbrhodes

And anyone else who wants to have with this. Don’t feel any obligation though if you’re not interested.

#get to know me #get to know the blogger #get to know each other #tag game

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turbo-blaze · 6 years

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Mehmayz

all the memes ive been tagged in but havent done

Not tagging anyone cuz i dont wanna be a bother with this mess hgfd

tagged by everysinglepheel: list 10 songs you’re currently into

Ok this is really embarrassing because i recently found a ton of songs that ive been listening to out of pure nostalgia. Some from fucking korn, slipknot and criss angel. And then pop songs like lady gaga stuff and lmfao’s party rock. I dont want to list specific ones because idk i feel like its cringey haha h a

tagged by ask-the-star-children and dathmach: say five nice things you like about yourself

oof ouch, a challenge huh? :)))))))))

Uhhjjhh i like my ability to make line art that LOOKS like it came out of a vector program, but really i just free-hand 90% of it. I do use the vector tool for straight lines and geometrical shapes though. I also like the plushies i make. Shit, theres still 3 more? Rip.

tagged by storyhorsedork:

Relationship Status: never

Favorite Color: Pink, brown, blue and purple are pretty. all pastel. i think its obvious pastels are my favorite

Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick, i dont care about make-up

Last Song I Listened To: uhhhh a pokemon one actually (i dont remember which)

Last Movie I Watched: Black panther, my brother didnt get to see it so we rented it

Top Three Bands: Mystery skulls and the ones mentioned above i guess

Top Three Shows: Mlp, steven universe even if i havent watched it in 2 years, and thats it

Top Three Foods: i like anything with tri tip, spaghetti and good ol hamburgers (in-n-out and the habit are top tier)

Book That I’m Currently/Recently was Reading: some warrior cats one i havent picked up in ages

tagged by jyarako:

1) What’s the last dream you remember having? have you ever kept / considered keeping a dream journal?

Ok so last night i had one where a rick and morty movie came out but it caused physical injuries to manifest on any living being that watched it. it was fucking terrifying. I have never tried to keep a dream journal even though i thought it would be a nice idea, i just havent done it because i usually forget my dream by the time i would bother to write about it.

2) What do you think humanity’s greatest weakness is? what about its greatest strength?

hhuuuhhhhhhhh idk?? sorry hgjkfdhtfguiyutfdyrgku

3) If you mess up a project, are you more likely to try to fix it or completely start over?

I try to fix it for hours until i decide its a lost cause and give up.

4) What single event has had the biggest impact on your life?

Meeting my frineds space-prophet and semicossyphus-pulcher

5) Do you think it’s possible to live a normal life without ever lying?

i..guess?? hmm...

6) What’s the last song you got stuck in your head?

zinnias encounter theme seems to get stuck in my head a lot

7) What do you think existed before the universe?

arceus (jk i dont know i dont think about things like this a lot gjhf)

8) If you were a dragon, what kind of things would you hoard?

dream catchers, or shells

9) When’s the last time you’ve gotten super deep with someone?

i dont remember but it was most likely with spacey

10) What’s something you’re super interested in? why are you interested in it?

pokemon because ive always loved animals and its extremely creative and fun. its the sole thing thats inspired my creativity since childhood.

11) What’s the best kind of bird?

soft floofy birds!!

tagged by superspaghettiwolf and everysinglepheel:

Nickname: Perap

Gender: girl

Star sign: sagittarius

Height: 5′ 7″

Time: 9:36 pm

Birthday: Dec 8

Favorite bands/artist: Already answered

Song stuck in my head: Already answered

Last movie I watched: Already answered

Last TV show I watched: Technically already answered cuz all i watch is mlp XP

What do I post: My art, stuff that happens to me, reblogs of pokemon art

Do I get asks: occasionally!

URL meaning: A game ive never played combined with the japanese name of one of my favorite pokemon

Average hours of sleep: any that i want because i dont really have anything that requires me to get up. sometimes its 7 and other times its 12

Nationality: American

If you read all of this, congratulations, you have learned random things about my boring life.

#tag meme #long post #i hope nothing got messed up with this post...

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the-punforgiven · 6 years

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ALL OF THEM, 1 TO 150

…

Aight, let’s go I guess

I’mma put it under a readmore since it’s pretty long lmao

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My cat lmao

2. Are you outgoing or shy?Shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?@cardiac-ossification, someday

4. Are you easy to get along with?I mean once you get used to the fact that I barely speak and that one-word responses do not mean I don’t want to talk to you, I guess maybe?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?Most likely

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Pretty much anyone who could kick my ass lmao

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I sure hope so

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?@cardiac-ossification

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Depends on who I’m talking about it with honestly, like for the most part yeah, but like if I’m really close with someone then that changes things somewhat lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?….. Also @cardiac-ossification

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?Rad

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

A Sound of Thunder - Hello Nurse

Whispered - Strike

Children of Bodom - All Twisted

Ye Banished Privateers - Lamentation of a Marooned Sailor

Arsis - Unwelcome (but like the whole album lmao)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Yeah

15. What good thing happened this summer?Bold of you to assume I remember when anything has happened

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Oh absolutely, whether that’s just like, microbes or something I dunno but thinking of the entire vastness of space I find it really hard to believe that this planet’s the only one with life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No

19. Do you like bubble baths?I guess? To be honest I haven’t had one since I was a kid Probably since I don’t actually even fit into the tub anymore lmao

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t think I’ve actually met them lmao, I’ve talked to them like twice when they asked me to help find their dog but they seem alright lmao

21. What are you bad habits?Procrastinating and just fucking forgetting literally fucking everything

22. Where would you like to travel?Norway and Wisconsin are my two big ones

23. Do you have trust issues?Yeah? I feel like I tend to trust people too easily lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sending cute good morning messages to my girlfriend lmao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?Probably either my stomach or my body hair honestly

26. What do you do when you wake up?Open my eyes Roll around a bit and immediately grab my phone lmao

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Not really, I honestly don’t care, it’s gonna be gone soon enough anyway

28. Who are you most comfortable around?Fun game take a shot everytime I tag @cardiac-ossification

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?No

30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yeah.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

33. Spell your name with your chin.Today I have learned that I can’t actually lean that far down

34. Do you play sports? What sports?No? I mean I spar a bit and would love to try out the Armored Combat League, if that counts?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV, I’d honestly probably die without music lmao

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences?bold of you to assume I can talk at all

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Literally just @cardiac-ossification lmao

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Can’t say I really have any that spring to mind, honestly, like if they sell guitars, cd’s, or swords then I’m gonna be good but I don’t have an actual favourite place lmao

40. What do you want to do after high school?Visit my girlfriend, join a band, achieve omnipotence

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I prefer to think of that sort of thing on a more case-to-case basis, but for the most part, Yes?

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Extremely quiet’s just my natural state of being lmao Silent however usually just denotes that I’m in a horrible mood

43. Do you smile at strangers?I mean, I try to but I’ve also been told I’m like hella intimidating and I know I’ve got a pretty bad case of supervillain grin so I dunno it that’s actually the best idea lmao

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?If you’re offering I’d go with Space, since unlike the ocean I can’t just walk there

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Need for caffine and whatever the fuck you call those pills that stop heartburn I forget the name

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything. Though talking in my sleep’s a big one for some reason

47. Have you ever been high?No

48. Have you ever been drunk?Barely

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Yeah, though I mean someone already knows about it I’m just embarassed about that whole topic in general lmao

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?I don’t actually remember since I like never wear hoodies anymore but probably Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Occasionally in a sort of brief non-serious way, but like intensely? No

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?that’s really tough honestly, I’d probably want either more muscles or a fucking functioning brain

53. Favourite makeup brand?I don’t wear makeup lmao

54. Favourite store?Wasn’t this already asked?

55. Favourite blog?I’ve got a lot lmao, I can’t narrow it down to one, sorry…

56. Favourite colour?Black, if that counts, if not probably that one shade of purple

57. Favourite food? Spaghetti

58. Last thing you ate?Shepherd’s Pie

59. First thing you ate this morning?Bold of you to assume I’ve eaten today

60. Ever won a competition? For what?I honestly don’t think I have lmao, and if I did I don’t remember lmao

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?I was suspended for like half my fuckin time in middle school because I’d just fuckin fight everyone if memory serves

62. Been arrested? For what?I haven’t lmao

63. Ever been in love? I am right now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Uhhh, watching Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny with my first girlfriend and I just kinda asked if she’d be down. She said yeah and… there we go. Fuckin… Great mood movie

65. Are you hungry right now?Yeah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?A lot of my real friends follow me on here so I’m not sure I can answer this lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter?I’m not terribly fond of either to be honest

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr, I guess

69. Are you watching tv right now?No

70. Names of your bestfriends? Thanks for pluralizing but I dunno if they’re comfortable with me giving out their names on the internet so I’mma err on the side of caution here lmao

71. Craving something? What?Uhhh meat lmao, I need the protien

72. What colour are your towels?We’ve got a lot of varying colours lmao

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?I mean there are two on my bed but I don’t actually use them they’re just kinda there lmao

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?… Yes?

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Three? I’ve got a stuffed bear that I’ve had since I was a baby that’s just kinda rotting away in my closet, a stuffed hyena that I got from my wonderful girlfriend, and a plushie undead warlock that I got at a con lmao

75. Favourite animal?The Snow Tiger. Not only are they cute cats, but also majestic and aesthetic

76. What colour is your underwear?My what now Black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Cookie Dough I guess?

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Black

80. What colour pants?Also black

81. Favourite tv show?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

82. Favourite movie?Kung Fury? I dunno I don’t remember like half the movies I watch

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?I haven’t actually seen either of them lmao

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?.. Haven’t seen 21 Jump Street either lmao

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Why are there so many Mean Girls questions

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

87. First person you talked to today?My sister, who dutifully wakes me up every afternoon by destroying my fucking door jesus christ child calm down I’ve had to fix the thing like twice already

88. Last person you talked to today?I dunno, discord buddies

89. Name a person you hate?No one really springs to mind honestly, I don’t know if I’ve got anyone I really hate, y’know?

90. Name a person you love?@cardiac-ossification

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Me

92. In a fight with someone?Also Me Not really lmao

93. How many sweatpants do you have?Exactly one that I made myself a few years ago. They’re falling the fuck apart and they’re pretty ugly since the only fabric I had available was that really gross camo green so I honestly don’t care lmao

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Like three? I think? I’ve kinda unofficially given them away to my brother and sister, but they’re still here so I dunno lmao

95. Last movie you watched?I don’t remember, I mean I was present in the room the other night while my roommate was watching the Hateful Eight but it’s a stretch to say I was actually watching it lmao

96. Favourite actress?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

97. Favourite actor?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

98. Do you tan a lot?No, I am disgustingly ginger so I don’t tan at all I just go straight to burning

99. Have any pets?I do! I have a cat, her name’s Groucho, and she’s the sweetest little thing! I live with another cat, two dogs, and a couple of birds but they’re not technically mine lmao

100. How are you feeling?Horrible, thank you for asking! I’m getting sick physically and I’m constantly reminded that I’m a defective fucking human being!

101. Do you type fast?Not really, like I type fast-ish in short bursts, but the space between them is regrettably long lmao

102. Do you regret anything from your past?Anything and everything! It’s only in the last couple of years have I really started to realize what an insufferable pile of shit I’ve been for my entire life and knowing that nobody’s ever gonna forget that really keeps me up at night!

103. Can you spell well?No

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Not particularly.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?I think so yeah

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?not that I know of?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?no

108. What should you be doing?Not being the most useless creature in the universe, contributing to society in literally any way, actually caring about my health, pursuing any hobbies, the list is endless!

109. Is something irritating you right now?Yeah!

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Also yeah lmao

111. Do you have trust issues?Yes, but I feel as if it’s more so in the sense that I trust people too quickly/easily rather than too little and- Wait wasn’t this also already asked?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?……. Also @cardiac-ossification, kinda?

113. What was your childhood nickname?Uhhh, there were a lot and all of them were gross and insulting, so I’d rather not say lmao

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yeah

115. Do you play the Wii?Back when we had one, yeah. I was a fucking god at Wii Boxing, and at one point had mastered getting that perfect angle to always hit strikes in Wii bowling. Fucking wish I could do that with actual bowling lmao

116. Are you listening to music right now?I am, currently checking something out that was in my recommended list, but I’m not sure if I’m really into it yet though

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes! I especially love chow mein and ginger beef, the place in town that makes it is just the fuckin best.

119. Favourite book?Overlord I guess? I dunno I barely ever read anymore

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not unless I’ve been given a reason to be.

121. Are you mean?I… Try not to be…

122. Is cheating ever okay?No

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Not really. I believe in attraction at first sight, but love’s something that I find needs to be built up over time? I guess?

125. Do you believe in true love?I think so, yeah?

126. Are you currently bored?Yeah

127. What makes you happy?@cardiac-ossification, music, art, and For Honor trailers lmao

128. Would you change your name?Maybe? I don’t really care about it enough to want to change it lmao

129. What your zodiac sign?Virgo

130. Do you like subway?Yeah! It gives me massive heartburn but it’s pretty great

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Calmly explain to them that I’m in a committed relationship already

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Say it with me now, @cardiac-ossification

133. Favourite lyrics right now?Not sure, I mean everything Gloryhammer’s ever written are great for a giggle but like on a serious tone, I’ve got nothin lmao

134. Can you count to one million?There is no way in hell I’d have the patience to lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?There are way to many to choose, I am a fucking terrible liar lmao

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed

137. How tall are you?6′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?Is this question in terms of which I prefer or which I have? in which case I don’t really have a preference and mine is straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?Honestly I’m not sure? Like, my two favourite hair colours are like, jet black and blinding white lmao, all the rest of them I’m pretty neutral on lmao

140. Summer or Winter?Winter, on the sheer basis that I can be outside without having to sacrifice a good chunk of my flesh to the sun gods

141. Night or Day?Night

142. Favourite month?October, for obvious reasons

143. Are you a vegetarian?No

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Dark Chocolate, 100%. Milk Chocolate is a pretty good second place, but white chocolate just makes me sick

145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee

146. Was today a good day?meh, it had it’s highs and lows, so overall it’s about average I’d say

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers, I guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?nothing springs to mind, aside from the super pretentious “Just because perfection is unattainable, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it” or however the fuck it went

149. Do you believe in ghosts?Yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “For this rough bunch who valued an adventurer’s strength above all, what he was saying made sense”

Thanks for the asks!

#thanks!#asks #anon

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the-mayor-of-space · 7 years

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Do all thirty of those identity things have fun

do you have a creed?you bet your ass i’ll have fun

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? - uhhhhh fuckiinnnnn.... off the top of my head, im sure im missing a lot of important stuff here: listen to hawaii part 2, dinosaurchestra through to spirit phone of the lemon demon discography, and a bunch of miscellanious game music / siIvagunner. and just like have a base understanding of what vaporwave is about. probably you could get a pretty good sense for what im like by going through several hundred pages of this blog honestly. also if youve ever [media appropriate verb]ed anything where theres a theme of alternate timelines and resets and all that. lots of stuff has that kind of stuff going on recently. rick and morty, pokemon, hs, ut, you name it. also also, the story of the hollows from dark souls and the themes it brings up speaks to me on some level, so theres that.

have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who? - no i dont think so. i dont really do a lot of reading anymore, even though i used to be captain books when i was younger.

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with. - god this is a good question but the way its worded just doesnt jive with me. its so 2013 tumblr you know? that being said the more i think about this the less of an answer i have. sorry thats boring and not giving an answer defeats the whole point of the ask.

do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better? - i guess. i mean its alright, im not really sure what i would rename myself to if it was up to me to choose. i like that you guys all call me “mayor” here though. obviously that doesnt work outside of the internet but like you know.

do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do? - instead of adressing the stupid jumble of words masquerading as a deep question, im gonna take this opportunity to express my worry that my answers to these asks might just be a bunch of inane, barely legible rambling. if nothing else im sorry that my formatting is shit. in response to that second question though, yeah sure i guess. dont we all?

are you religious/spiritual? - pffffft no no no.

do you care about your ethnicity? - not particularly, although i realize that the fact that that’s my answer is a luxury in and of itself

what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? - like i get that technically its not a wrong usage, but “lifetime” feels like its implying that im way older than i am and also that im dying. anyways. neil cicierega, recently at least. although im well aware that connecting to someones music is different than knowing them as a person, its a lot more interpretive than just actually getting to know someone.

are you an artist? - debatably.

do you have a creed? - nope.

describe your ideal day. - its foggy and raining outside, me and my lover are curled up in bed with food and computers. maybe we go out and take a walk, mostly we just spend the whole day together. mayb we’re having conversations that arent as deep as we think they are. maybe we’re playing games. doesnt really matter. we’re together.

dog person or cat person? - cats. arent you guys happy when my answer to something isnt three run-on sentences worth of esoteric thought?

inside or outdoors? - indoors. i just realized that you can say “side” or “doors” for both of those words and it means the same thing either way. thats kind of interesting isnt it?

are you a musician? - nope. i like the idea of being one, but i dont think i have whatever it is it takes to be one. a bunch of my coworkers assumed i was though, so thats something. must have been my hair.

five most influential books over your lifetime. - uhhhhh

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same? - theres probably a preppier version of me out there in an alt timeline? idk. i wish someone got me to learn how to code earlier, thats relevant to my interests and actually useful going into the 21st century. as it stands im just starting out now, shit at it, and beating myself up over the fact that im not that good at it despite the fact that sitting on my computer all day is just what i do. its a small event if i bother going anywhere.

would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”? - ehh? idk. nobody is exactly the same in all contexts, the situation you’re in influences how you’ll act, that doesnt mean one of them is more of the “real you” than any of the others, theyre all facets of one person. god that was pretentious and psuedo-intellectual. the point im getting at is “yeah sure.”

what’s your patronus? - i took a test online and it gave me a hare. so there you go. i wouldve assumed some kind of bird but w/e.

which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle? - i took a test for this too and it said slytherin. now im having a small crisis over whether or not im an edgy boy.

would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else? - the pokemon world is pretty idyllic all things considered, lets go with that.

do you love easily? - nope. i crush easily though. though for what its worth, i can always tell its not real love, so i never wind up acting on it. mostly im just constantly lowkey sad that i cant find anyone to have a long term relationship with. how the fuck do you become close to someone.

list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. - christ dude idk i dont have stats for this shit

how often would you want to see your family every year? - .3 times a year sounds good to me. i’d settle for .5

have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone? - no. what does that even mean.

could you live as a hermit? - “could” i? i think you mean “do”. and yes.

how would you describe your gender/sexuality? - captain privellege. the downside though is i dont know even one straight woman, so ive got nobody to fall in love with. real inconvinience this is. not much anybody could do about it.

do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”? - i’ll spare you guys another ramble a la question 17. my point would be “yeah sure i guess”

on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin? - depends on the person, if im not already predisposed to liking you its probably like a 4. none of you people reading this will probably have to worry about it though, id assume if youre the kind of person who would send an ask or message me youre also probably the kind of person i like, so dont feel scared of bothering me. i’ll be pretty clear if you are. [which you won’t be]

three songs that you connect with right now. - i alays have so much less to say about music than i think i will. borns - electric love, mystery skulls - get it together, hotline miami ost - daisuke

pick one of your favorite quotes.- guys i want you all to know how much i hate that quotes are one of those things that immediately drain out of your mind as soon as youre asked to recall one. theyre like jokes. im gonna default to my usual boring answer of morty’s “nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die” speech to summer. i wish i could come up with something better for that though, im not feeling that nihilistic right now.

lemme use a couple more fuckin commas here, just sprinkle some in there,

,,,,, ,, ,,, ,,,,, , , , , , , ,,,, ,, , , , , , , ,, , ,,,,,,, ,, ,,, ,,,,,,, ,,, , , ,, ,

#autocrossbow

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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5 Sucky Things That Suck On Purpose

This may come as a surprise, but I like it when things don’t suck. In fact, I would say that I devote 80 percent of my efforts toward avoiding suckage. Sadly, though, I can’t control the actions of others, and I won’t ever be able to until The Device is perfected. But until then, some people make shitty things, and the rest of us have to deal with it. And while we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that everyone makes mistakes as we eat a pizza which inexplicably arrived topped with double olives and pineapple, there’s no solace in the knowledge that some people do shitty things entirely on purpose. On that note, here are five terrible things which people made fully knowing that they’d be terrible.

The Google Glass Battery

If you were sober or literate in 2013 and 2014, you may have had to endure the deluge of tech profiles and extremely not-boring thinkpieces on Google Glass. If you could not in fact read or legally drive in 2013 and 2014, Google Glass was basically Google’s answer to the question “What’s a super expensive piece of shit I can intrusively wear on my face which will obscure my vision and make anyone around me fearful that I’m videotaping them like some kind of creeper?” You know, a question that we’ve all asked.

While most of us immediately dismissed Glass as being about as appealing as a herpes scab parfait, there were naturally a few fans who couldn’t wait to be the dollar store version of Geordi LaForge. But even amongst those die-hard tech fluffers, there was a clear issue: Glass had a battery that sucked like a leech in the coldest recesses of the vacuum of space.

The battery life of Google Glass clocked in at around 45 minutes, meaning that you had just enough time to stream yourself watching one episode of Young Sheldon and then crying about it afterwards before it shut off. Google tried to explain this away as an intentional design feature that was actually beneficial and not an example of a battery assembled by a one-eyed guy in an flea market who smells like cats.

According to Google, your cellphone is just a dangerous espionage device constantly listening to you from your pants pocket and maybe sending all that sweet, sweet pants gossip back to Samsung or the Kingsmen or whoever the fuck cares what you’re doing. So in an effort to heroically protect you from filthy spies, Google intentionally made a shitty battery so that the New World Order agents will only be able to watch half of your masturbation session before they’re left hanging. Suck it, dickholes! You’ll never know how this one ends!*

*Hastily, with a climactic yawp.

Low-Quality Viral Commercials

In 2011, the internet was blessed with one of the worst commercials for a taxidermy business that anyone had ever seen. I say this not as a connoisseur of taxidermy ads, but as a logical human being. Also, do taxidermy places really need commercials? What more needs to be said, other than “Hey! Do you like wolves, but hate the bitey, movey kinds?”

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This commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy featured the one-two punch of Chuck Testa’s taxidermy skill and acting, and made us all fall in love with the stuffed corpse of a coyote and the overall awfulness of the entire experience. It was poorly made, clearly cheap, and its only redeeming quality was that all of the badness made it charming as hell. Chuck Testa became an internet hero. And it was all bullshit.

Testa is just one of many viral commercial stars made famous for being in videos often shared as “the worst commercial I’ve ever seen.” One commercial for a mall from 2014 featured employees singing a jingle that sounded like a cross between 3 a.m. barf-in-your-own-shoe-drunk karaoke and a cat stuck in a well. It sucked large, and people went nuts about it.

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For a local business trying to drum up some attention, you have two options: Legitimately make a forgettable, boring, low-budget commercial which blandly explains whatever you’re trying to sell, or roll the dice on potentially going viral by making an abomination. Create such an abysmal crime against advertising that the sun refuses to shine when the video is playing and birds immediately stop singing and synchronize-shit on your car. Make it so bad that everyone immediately shares it with everyone they know. And then your craptastic commercial becomes an internet sensation.

They say people are ten times as likely to share a bad experience with a business than a good one. People like to complain more than they like to praise, probably because if something goes right, it fits in with your expectations and is therefore unremarkable. It’s only when things go wrong that you get worked up and make a stink over it. So when you see a commercial that damn near offends you with its utter fuckshittery, you’ll share that monstrosity with everyone. And that’s exactly what they want.

Web Brutalism

When I first got the internet in my house as a kid, we got a state-of-the-art, badass, lightning-fast 56k modem. I could download an MP3 in like ten minutes, and sometimes an entire dirty picture would load up before something went buggy and the poor woman was cut off at the knees. And seven out of every ten websites looked like a low-res My Little Pony pony ralphed cotton candy and Four Loko across a small-town church bulletin board.

As time passed, we all grew up and became better people with better websites. Dancing baby GIFs gave way to interstitial ads and Flash videos. Designs that looked like they were made by a guy with vinegar in his eyes working in the dark faded away, and sleek, professionally designed mega porn sites took their place. It was a great time to be alive. Or so we thought, because I guess people got sick of things that don’t look like shit and Web Brutalism was born.

If the terribly cheesy name didn’t give it away, Web Brutalism is a kind of artsy shitsy internet aesthetic. You purposefully make your website look like the south end of a northbound horse. Ugly, disorganized graphics, shockingly off-putting colors, a veritable dumpster of design techniques shat out onto a screen — if your site doesn’t look a fourth-grader’s glue and cardboard collage, you’ve failed.

A classically bad website was designed on Angelfire by your aunt who collects figurines of Jesus playing sports when she wanted to do something to commemorate her love of beat poetry. Some links were unclickable, images didn’t quite line up right, and it had charm in the same way your macaroni artwork had charm to your mom, who never told you that it looked like shit because she loved you. By the way, your macaroni art looked like shit. It’s cool, though, mine looked like the shit that shit takes after eating shit sandwiches. And somehow, someone decided a forced version of that was a good idea.

Web Brutalism seeks to make a website harder to navigate and uglier to look at than a fine, upstanding site, like the one you’re currently enjoying. Why? The answer is best summed up in this quote I heard from a guy in a bar once: “Fuckin’ because.”

Bioware’s Female Designs

Back in the day when I had an NES, there were basically two female characters you could name across the spectrum of video game characters: Princesses Peach and Zelda, and I don’t even think Zelda was actually in her game. But I did beat Super Mario Bros. 2, and Peach helped a brother out on that one, so yeah, you could say I’m like a video game feminist or some such. Which is why Bioware’s curious history with female characters is such a headscratcher.

Bioware makes some pretty impressive-looking games, like Mass Effect, and the character designs are amazing. There is a definite problem with some of them, though, insofar as that amazingness is in how straight up nuts-on-a-donkey ugly they are.

When Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, fans were quick to notice that the male version of the player character, Ryder, looks super badass and cool and almost exactly like the male model who lent his likeness to the game designers. The female version of Ryder looks like the model if you rolled her in a sack of sadness and didn’t let her sleep for four days while feeding her a straight diet of CHUD.

Twitter

So why, if you have the ability to render characters in a way that makes them look like not vaguely emotive ballsacks, would you make your character look like a vaguely emotive ballsack? This one requires a bit of creative tinkering in the ol’ thinky bag, but it does make sense. Female characters in gaming, as you may be aware, have a bit of a lackluster history in terms of realistic representation. After Princess Peach, the next big name in lady characters was Lara Croft, who was at first presented as polygonal boobs on blocks, and then later as well-vectored boobs on well-vectored short pants. And thus began a tradition of most video game women being little more than boobs and confusion. So maybe Bioware makes their female characters less appealing on purpose so as to not be considered sexist or douchey.

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Bioware has never come out and said they’ve made purposefully ugly characters. They have acknowledged abhorrent animation issues and terrible facial expressions which they set to work on fixing, but fans were all pretty convinced that there had to be more behind the distractingly objectionable visages of the female characters. As noted gamer nerd and feminist Lisa Kerzner argues in her video, it looks an awful lot like Bioware put considerable effort into downplaying the character’s face to make her more of an ugmo hero type (but just in the face), while trying to pawn it off as a technical limitation. Despite the fact that numerous other games can feature women who don’t look like victims of barnyard mad science, including a lot of Bioware’s previous games.

Unfortunately, dealing with matters of sex, sexism, and gender in video games is like opening a bag of cat shit lined with explosive squibs right in your damn face. If you recall anything to do with Gamergate, you know this is ground no one wants to tread on, so you almost can’t blame Bioware for not saying jack shit about it, as you don’t want to feed any trolls. But at the same time, when it’s obvious that they can make a nearly identical male character, there’s clearly a reason they’re not putting that same kind of effort into their females.

Scam Email Grammar

Usually when I send emails, I spell the multi-syllable words incorrectly and use grammar that’s about as fucked as a friction-burnt Fleshlight. But that’s my own bugaboo to deal with, and has little-to-no bearing on the world of scam email.

The odds of you having never received a Nigerian scam email are slimmer than Slender Man’s weird dick, which I’ll tell you about sometime if you buy me a few beers. But for the sake of the kids in the audience who are reading this on the wall I inscribe all my articles on and have never received email before, a Nigerian scam email is a poorly worded piece of fuckery that shows up in your inbox claiming to be from some African prince who has millions of dollars tied up in banks overseas, and if you could just help pay some transfer fees, you can keep a buttload of it!

Typically, these emails use terrible grammar and atrocious spelling, not because the person sending you the email is a blithering idiot, but because they need you to be so gullible that you believe a Wakandan prince personally sent you a one-way ticket to being a millionaire, and he typed the message with a greasy turkey leg in his hand while riding a homemade roller coaster.

Most of us can identify a scam email right away. Another subsection of people will be suspicious but interested. And an even smaller division will write back to test the waters. The scammers want nothing to do with any of those people. They want the person who immediately responds with their bank account number in the signature line, because they only want to deal with people who may have mistaken a ham bone for Tony Danza more than once in their lives. So don’t be too proud if you recognize right away that someone sent you a weak as shit attempt at ripping you off; they just didn’t want you to waste their time.

Ian’s Twitter is awesome on purpose. Go look.

Does Troll 2 suck on purpose? Find out for yourself, and go down the rabbit hole of recommendations like Samurai Cop and more!