#technically there are 2 version of the same guy LMAO-

[nitkat-rp-stash]

Hewwo as yall know this is my Rp blog where I do most of my bullshit with my scriblos!

It’s also my first time doing this so umm but a lil nice but aside from that! Here are

THA RULES!!! 💥

1. 18 to 21+ Rps since most of the topics that I’ll do are mixed but most of the time it’s normal. ButI want to be as flexible with the settings with the characters as I can but Mature topics are gonna appear so be careful! (Also I don’t want to interact with minors had very bad experiences with them)

2. NO ROMANCE, NO SHIPPING Unless ur a mutual friend of mine and we are consenting of this.

3. I prefer rping to be a semi literate multiple paragraph style. I'll try to adapt to the best of my ability but 10+ long paragraphs or short ones are a no for me like dawg.

4. I’m open to any type of roleplay! But please be considerate with me, and if there’s any shit ya want to pull in the RP we can discuss it in DMs for further details (so both parties can be on the same page).

5. I’m chill with Rping with Ocs! But I’ll start with a few Au characters and Ocs before I expand on more characters.

6. Please for Fucks sake be nice and non rude for fucks sake, I may take a while due to the bullshit I deal with most of the time.

7. Fandoms that I WILL NOT RP WITH: Anything created by Vivzipop, Celebrities/Real people, country/military shit, DSMP (Or any Minecraft related SMPs). And probably more cause I’m still thinking-

8. Series that I’m familiar : Megaman, Transformers, Pokemon, Steven universe, Digimon, Sonic, Spark the electric jester.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Character/Muses info-

Megaman X (Anchorage) He is a Reploid, a robot who can think feel and act on his own will. A member of the maverick hunters, he fights against mavericks. reploids who are a danger to society. He fights on and dreams of a Utopia of humans and reploids coexisting in peace. However he still despises fighting so at times he finds different ways to solve problems without violence. He currently runs a rehabilitation (a surprisingly successful) program of helping former mavericks (Who aren’t infected with the virus) and criminals to be reacquainted with society. Holding the belief of second chances, he’s currently married to Marty leader of the rose thorn pirate group for almost 50 years.



Ref:

Volnutt Caskett Light (Legends Reborn)- he's a Carbon, Biomechanical being with the ability to interfacing and changing their limbs with mechanical parts. He is a young adventurous digouter boy, who descends ruins to collect ancient artifacts and special crystals of energy called refractors. Who enjoys going on adventures, naive on aspects of the world and gets into mischief and Danger face first. but he holds a heart of gold. He loves his friends and family very much. He is, importantly, the Youngest Son of the ancient legend megaman X.

Xavier Light: Once upon a lifetime ago he was formally the legendary hero megaman x but now in this flooded world of no war, he is Xavier Light.The assistant of the renowned professor Barrell, aiding his research of Terra’s old civilizations. At the same time the Flutter’s caretaker, performing most domestic duties around the ship. A hardened yet gentle soul that at times provides wisdom and advice to those who need it, especially his youngest son Rock. Despite living a peaceful life Xavier is still a skilled warrior, but he would rather do diplomacy than fighting but when push comes to shove he’ll fight to the bitter end to keep his loved ones safe.

Note: Reborn!X is called Xavier and Anchorage!X is just named X they are are technically the same person but in different Timelines.

OC Verse:

Alice: Alice is a slime based alien being who explores the stars and medical assistance to those who are needed. A carefree mischievous individual who sought the curiosities to different worlds and what she could learn from it. Despite her duty she’s often dropped into the antics of others curious to see how it goes. She enjoys causing a lil bit of mayhem to entertain herself but still committing to her duty of supporting individuals on her travels. Often she enjoys the thrill of adventure and is surprisingly combative despite her status as a medic.

[shinhyunjin]

── .✦ after the rain.

⟢ pairing: lee minho x female!reader

⟢ genre: fluff, non-idol au, established relationship

⟢ word count: 1.9k

⟢ summary: the one where a street interviewer asks the story of how you met.

⟢ author’s note: hello, everyone! this is minho’s version of the meet cute series. i’m not sure this is an actual meet cute lmao but i got this idea from @/meetcutesnyc on tiktok, so that’s what we’re calling it. this one’s dedicated to @hykwrld because she asked for the lino version. i hope you all enjoy, and i would love to read your thoughts on it if you do<3

“Excuse me, are you two a couple?”

“Yeah” your boyfriend answers in a heartbeat, as if out of instinct tugging at your hand and making you stop walking right as he does.

You barely have any time to register the stranger in front holding a mic up to you and Minho—and the cameraman filming you while at it—before he shoots another question at you.

“Would you mind telling us the story of how you met?”

Hearing a teasing giggle leaving Minho’s mouth, and looking up at him only to see him already looking at you with his signature smirk, you brace yourself for the answer he is about to give—the very same one he had given one too many times, whenever someone asked him how the two of you met.

“I picked her up from the street”.

You shove him off as soon as his answer reaches your ears. “That is so not—” your eyes go to the camera. “He loves saying that, but that is not how it was”.

“It technically was, though” he argues, staring at the camera as well. “So what happened was, I was on my way home at like 2 AM after having a couple of drinks with my friends, and as I was walking past an animal shelter that’s like two blocks away from my place, I saw this woman kneeling down in front of the door, absolutely drenched—it was raining, by the way—and she was like, holding something inside her jacket trying to protect it from the rain… and she was crying so hard, I couldn’t help but worry…”

Throwing a brief glance at you, he waits for a moment in case you want to add something else. When you don’t, and nod for him to go on, he continues the story.

“So I walked up to her and asked if she was okay, and she started crying harder and was like ‘I found this kitty on the street and he’s so little and I couldn’t find his mum, and I can’t bring him home because my roommate’s severely allergic and said there’s no way in hell she’s letting him in, and none of my friends would pick up and my phone died now, and the shelter is closed and I can’t leave him alone’”.

You feel your cheeks heat up over how perfectly he remembers your heartbroken speech—and over how funny his high pitched voice comes out as he tries to imitate your sobbing, desolated one.

“To be fair, I was going through it” you hopelessly try to defend yourself.

“It was cute how she didn’t even think of going to a 24/7 convenience store to at least shelter herself from the pouring rain while she found a solution” he throws you under the bus.

“I was going through it” you emphasize your previous point through gritted teeth, earning laughs from all three guys next to you. “But yeah, my ugly crying must’ve moved him a lot, because he didn’t hesitate to offer taking the kitty back home with him and bringing him to the shelter for me the next day” a smile creeps up your mouth, feeling your heart warm up at the memory. “And he also offered to let me dry up and charge my phone at his place so I could call a taxi. I usually wouldn’t have accepted, I mean, he could’ve been a psychopath for all I knew,” you hear him laugh next to you. “But I was freezing and exhausted, and for some reason I felt like I could trust him, so I just went with it”.

“Back at my place I lent her some dry clothes and we had some tea to warm up while her phone charged, and we kind of grew fond of the kitty right away” he confesses, still remembering how neither of you could take your eyes off the orange and white ball off fluff sleeping soundly on his couch. “So we exchanged phone numbers and the next day when she texted to ask about him I told her that I would keep him, and that’s pretty much when it all started”.

“Yeah…” you reminisce as well with a fond smile. “The kitty was his now but I did still feel responsible for the whole situation, so I offered to help him pay for his food and shots and whatnot”.

“Of course I said no,” he chimes in. “But then I realised that it was the perfect opportunity to keep in contact with her, since I did find her very cute and wanted to keep seeing her…” his confession earns a smile from you. “So we ended up co-parenting somehow and now he’s our son”.

“How old is the baby now?” The interviewer asks with a smile.

“One year and nine months” you reply. “He was only one month old when I found him”.

“And how long have you two been together?”

“A year and a half” Minho chuckles timidly.

“Oh, so you got together only two months after adopting him”.

“Yeah, the whole co-parenting thing really got to our heads” you joke, and Minho lightly shoves you away with his shoulder.

The interviewer chuckles, holding the mic up closer to Minho. “So, what do you love the most about her?”

“Ugh, do I have to get all sappy now?” He whines, leaning closer to you.

“I don’t know, is the thing you love the most about me sappy as hell?” You tease, smiling triumphantly when he sighs rather heavily, preparing himself for what’s to come.

“Her heart” he goes straight to the point, and his genuine answer makes you pout in complete awe. “She has the biggest heart, she cares so deeply about everyone, especially about me and Yong-ie, so…” his soft eyes lock with yours for a moment—your feline son’s name slipping up from his lips. “I mean, the way she was crying over him when she found him and refused to let go of him… I think she would've spent the whole night outside waiting with him for the shelter to open, had I not gone up to her right then; and that only makes me love her more”.

“I think I would’ve, actually…” you sheepishly murmur.

“And what do you love the most about him?” The guy asks you now.

“Can I copy his answer?” You laugh.

Minho rolls his eyes. “Cheater”.

“I do love his heart the most, though. His compassion…” you specify. “There were a lot of people who walked right past me crying that night, which was kind of embarrassing, and he was the only one who went up to me and tried to help…” you feel his hand tighten his hold on yours, and you give it a gentle squeeze right back. “And then when he said he was keeping Yong-ie the next day… God, I got the fattest crush on him right then and there”.

Minho laughs under his breath next to you, and you don’t need to look at him to know his ears are turning red.

“And what is the next step in your relationship?”

“Getting another cat,” you don’t hesitate to say, looking up to Minho, who smiles the brightest at you. “Maybe?”

“Oh, getting another cat, definitely” he agrees. “We’re living together now and her annoying roommate isn’t there to nag about cats to us—”

“Minho…” you call him out under your breath, yet he doesn’t mind it one bit.

He is sure your ex roommate was more of a cat hater rather than severely allergic as she claimed.

“So there’s nothing stopping us from getting as many of them as we want anymore” he finishes his point.

The guy in front of you laughs, both at his words and at your reaction. “And your names are?”

“Minho” he says, although you had already given his name away a few seconds ago.

“I’m Y/N” you answer as well.

“Well, Minho and Y/N, it was a pleasure interviewing you guys” he wraps it up, signaling for the cameraman to stop recording. “I hope you keep rescuing as many cats as you want”.

Saying your goodbyes to the TikTokers, not without first making sure to write down their account so you can later watch the video once it is up, you resume your walk hand in hand to your apartment—the one that used to be only Minho’s up until four months ago, before you moved in with him.

Although some people in your life had said it was too soon to move in together, given that you had only been together for a little over a year by then, it didn’t feel rushed at all. If anything, it felt right.

You spent most of your days at his place anyway, for Yong-ie was there and you couldn’t bring him home because of your roommate. It had come to the point most of your stuff was at his and you were begging him to let you pay for the utilities, since he had made it clear he wasn’t letting you pay for half the rent like you had suggested more than once.

In the end, the obvious solution was to make it official and move the rest of your stuff to his place, so that the three of you would be together every single day like the family you had become a long time ago.

“So… another cat, you say?” He smiles.

“Yeah… I think it’s about time Yong-ie gets a sibling”.

“I doubt the spoiled brat is gonna like it”.

You chuckle, finding amusement in the contrast of how tiny and defenseless he was when you first found him, versus how big and spoiled he is now.

He is an only child after all, and as the cat lovers you and Minho are, he truly is living his best life.

“He’ll learn to like it,” you try to be optimistic. “He must feel bored and lonely at times when we’re not home”.

“Should we pay a visit to the shelter then?” He proposes, right before a taunting smirk curved up his mouth. “Or should I wait for you to find another one on a rainy night and call me crying to pick you up at 2 AM?”

“You’re such an ass” you try to playfully let go of his hand, only for him to tighten his hold around yours and pull you closer.

“Maybe” he agrees. “But I’m still the father of your child and future children, so…”

You shake your head in amusement—unaware of whether the second part of his sentence was meant for the future cats you planned to adopt, or the actual kids you may have one day. Either way, over such a statement coming from him, you feel fulfilled as ever.

Although the two of you always felt sorry for Yong-ie and the state he was in when you found him under the pouring rain, you were oh-so-grateful for everything that came afterwards.

After all, you only have him to thank for allowing you to come across the love of your life on that cold and rainy night.

[critterishere]

Postal Demon in Postal 3 au INFOBLAST!!! + some demon headcanons bc I’m evil

WARNING!!! This is a poorly written au that was created just to house this AWFUL crackship…… This au is held together by really thin strings,, the strings are that the first game’s Paradise is the same as the rest of the other games. (I just have to ball with it⛹️)(Despite the au taking place in one general universe that compiles the other games,, I don’t think that the postal dudes from each game are the same person!🧨 idk what all these dudes are doing around eachother but we ball)

Small postal demon info before I start the au summary:

I call the postal demon “Pamorrgus” a lot in this,,,, fake demon name I made up for him… sigh… you can tell how much of a blorbo he is to me…💔 

I also refer to the demon with he/it pronouns, just a heads up bc I don’t want to cause confusion with the pronoun switching. (Woke demon?!?!😨😨/silly,, I don’t think Pamorrgus gives a damn about pronouns and all that stuff,,, not his problem man. It’s got better things to worry about like getting a meal that day or 100% not being gay about some guy LMAO😭😭… You could technically use any pronouns for this guy,,, it just does not care.)

Basic “summary”(its really long):

Pamorrgus wanders to wherever there’s tragedy/disaster/suffering. If there is no human suffering near by, he’ll make something happen. Demons feed off of emotions, primarily on the negative side. Yes, Pamorrgus tells its victims to harm others for its own amusement, but the pain and distress of humans is also how he sustains itself. The earth is indeed hungry!!

After the events of Postal 1, Pamorrgus feeds off of the town’s anguish and grief. This lasts around maybe 10 years or so. Throughout the years, most people that been around during the game’s events have moved on from the event, moved out of town, or just passed away. The town’s grief declines little by little, and the demon’s power is weakening. Around 2003, Postal 2 Dude moves into town. Pamorrgus watches him from afar, not interfering with his life. Unlike with P1 dude, P2 doesn’t need any encouragement in order to start slaughtering people, the town is already driving him mad, so there’s really no need for the demon to interact with him. Pamorrgus just sits back as hell breaks lose. 

After Paradise got blown up and p2 dude gets the hell out of there,,,, the demon wanders into Catharsis and hides itself inside the walls of an apartment building, hibernating to digest its meal. (they’re more like depression naps to me😭😭 but sure boy go sleep). 8 years later, P3 dude finds himself in Catharsis and stays in the same apartment room that the demon is currently inhabiting. (uhhhghh,,,,,, i still don’t know how the freak p3 exists man😭,, you now understand my warning about this being not very well thought out.. But he ends up in Catharsis at some point!) ((Also ignore the fact that P3 dude probably wouldn’t have enough money to get an apartment or something,, since the whole goal of the game is to get money for a tank of gas,,, which is expensive… The economy is not doing good 😭😭…. My excuse is,,, like,,,, look that game start up menu screen gotta take place somewhere!! Idk man😭😭lol). Pamorrgus wakes up to discover that P3 is living in its current place of residence, and starts watching over him to learn more information about him and to figure out how to convince him to do what it wants. In the au, I think the dude leans more to the good path version, so the demon has some convincing to do.🫢

And then they properly interact at some point then later yaoi happens somehow,,, and like😭 SCARY!YAOI!!!!

demon and p3 dude stuf yay yay yaaaay:

They’re like,,, “Strangers + accidental roommates” to “acquaintances” to “murder buddies” to “AAAHHH I NEED TO EAT MY SKIN” to “I’m not gay lmao💀” to “AUUGGGHGGHH [sounds of a man drowning in acid]” to [redacted] to [data expunged] to “@#&$*%;,,:#&#&,@& (starts frothing at the mouth)” to “kinda lovers” to “I’m ngl I would rip off my skin if you asked me to❤️”…. Or something,,,,, Waow….. don’t really know how to properly explain the development of their relationship….🧚 I imagine Pamorrgus is pretty distant at first,,,, with every one of its victims, it likes to have some level of distance. Like yes, he has to get its victims to trust it and be (somewhat) comfortable around him (sometimes,, comfortability is not required lol) in order to get what it wants, but forming any attachments to a victim is like,, gonna make things complicated and might get in the way of his goal,, yk? This never really was a problem for Pamorrgus before though (not like he has to worry about some freaky bisexual weirdo… Haha right guys? Imagine if that happened? Just crazy mate, crazy!),, this guy does not care about humans. I imagine that before his fall from heaven, he used to be a guardian angel! He’s probably sick of humans after having to take care of them for years and years. Although… I don’t think he really liked humans to begin with,,, but he never expressed this until his fall… (He’s like Patrick Bateman the way he pretended to be some normal ceo guy or something,,, ((and the way he denies the fact that he’s gay—COUGH🗣COUGH🗣)) idk I never watched or read american psycho I’ve only watched a yt analysis on it!!😭😭)

He eventually warms up more to P3 dude,, (since dude just can’t stop yapping😭 and the demon is kinda bored and wants to get more information on him.) but only by a little bit… It’s gonna take a while for the demon to see him as an equal. Pamorrgus sees P3 just as a pawn to take control of. Sigh….. soon the gay microchip will be planted into his mind…

I imagine their banter would be very entertaining to listen to,,,,,, sometimes the demon will say some edgy poetic nonsense similar to the p1 loading screens and P3’s like “oh shit fr😮🤨😏?”😭😭😭😭😭 tho most of the time the demon just talks like the regular p1 voice lines when around P3,,,, these guys just go around saying the most stupidest crap imaginable to each other while they blast peoples heads off.💕 Sillymaxxing joyous pilled…. Gross!!🤢blehhgh!!!!! I also think Pamorrgus can be so mean to him sometimes,,,😭😭 it can get really sarcastic and petty if P3 dude doesn’t do something it wants.. Dude don’t give af though ,, he just keeps annoying it back. They do become slightly nicer to each other later on.

I’m not quite sure when they will realize that they have fallen for each other, but I know the denial would be crazy😭……. Pamorrgus got his whole “humanity means nothing to me lmao” sigma grindset going on,,, so it would be pretty pissed about this new development… Absolutely not happy about it. He’s screaming and breaking chairs and mauling people over that man. And around this time I don’t think P3 dude has accepted the fact that he’s probably bisexual. (Sighs really loudly…..) What’s up with these guys?

Anyway some off topic stuff,,,, related to the drawing on the right,,,,,, for some reason I keep getting this visual of the demon pulling guns out of the apartment’s walls,,, how did you fit all those in there??

And while I’m bringing up random stuff I want to add this image in (ignore my server name)😭😭 I think it’s a silly visual,,,, sigh,,,,,, I hate this awful stinky shapeshifting immoral old fart and his loser boyfriend /aff /silly

Anywaaays,, Thanks for reading!🏌️‍♂️Idk what I was doing but I like thinking and drawing and writing about them!! Yay!!!! Yaaaay!!!!!!!!!

[dr-spectre]

I heard about how in Bancala Walker there was a short story about Marina and Acht and their time in the domes. And I'm gonna be 100% honest with you. It kinda makes me mad, and it really highlights a massive problem with Splatoon as a whole, and that's how it treats its stories.

(Yep I'm rambling about Splatoon's storytelling for the 500th time, welcome to my blog.)

Since Splatoon 2, the series has had a weird relationship with its storytelling, the main stories of each campaign are very simplistic and are very video game like plots. "Go get the Great Zapfish back and save Captain Cuttlefish. Go get the Great Zapfish again and find Callie. Find the thangs and get out. GO GET THE ZAPFISH AGAIN AND SAVE CAPTAIN CUTTLEFISH AGAIN!!! Climb up the tower." Splatoon 1 got away with this because it's clearly the most "tutorial" mode out of any of the single player campaigns and it doesn't really try to say any deeper messages or express a character arc.

Now, obviously video game stories must have goals for the player to work towards, I'm not complaining about that, you gotta have that stuff in games to motivate the player, however, what really drives me up a wall is when they decide to add depth and interesting things relating to the characters and world, yet they intentionally throw away that same depth and chuck it to the side. Hell they sometimes retcon the optional hard to find lore or make it more confusing just because!! If you're gonna add depth and something else to these stories, you HAVE to actually explore it and expand upon it WITHIN THE STORY! You cannot add it as "extra lore" when it's stuff that should have been in the main storyline to begin with. It's like not adding seasoning to chicken and that you boiled the fucking chicken and wrapped it in lettuce and mayonnaise.

I could obviously talk about the elephant in the room... you know... this little goober right here. This freak.

And I'm going to.

From the concept art we were given, we know that Callie was originally gonna have more exploration into her troubling mental health issues as seen by her being in the shadows and being comforted by Octarians. It's a significantly different tone compared to the final product.

However in the final game, they tossed MOST of this shit away and say in the game as well as in official media, "naw she was kidnapped and brainwashed forcefully because she's a dumb clutz lmao." They tried to backtrack with an obscure relationship chart, the sunken scrolls and Squid Sisters web prequel series, but then they backtracked AGAIN with the Splatoon 3 artbook that states that she was "brainwashed." It's an incredibly simplified and frankly insulting version of events that are TECHNICALLY canon but Nintendo and others don't treat it as such and i don't know why. I dont know why they treat Callie like this. Is it because she's silly?

Wouldn't it be more interesting and more powerful as a story if they made Callie had more control and awareness of her actions? That she was truly acting upon her mental illness and isolation? Putting DJ Octavio, the fucking funny octopus guy on the same level as Talon from Overwatch and Hydra from Marvel, the literal nazis who damaged Bucky Barnes' brain and removed all of his memories, making him into the Winter Solider, is fucking psychotic and actually insane of Nintendo to do.

There is also Acht and how they were shown between Octo Expansion and Side Order.

Some of the most powerful stories in media have strong character arcs and characters overcoming their struggles and pain. It is inspirating and incredibly real to see a loved one reach out to a person that they care about who have lost their way, either from mental illness or drugs. Trying to bring them back and help them go through their pain together. When someone is under distress and mental health troubles, they can act like a completely different person and the fact that Nintendo half assed serious topics like this and made shit WAY WORSE boils my blood to no end.

In Octo Expansion, we were told that they went under Sanitization willingly in order to remove doubts in their mind and put their all into music. Now due to the unknowns of Sanitization at the time, this made for a really interesting character and brought up a lot of interesting questions as to why they would do this and who they are.

However, in Side Order when they explained Sanitization further and told us that Acht lost all of their free will and were FORCED to make music for Tartar, it kinda damaged their story a little bit. Like sure, Acht still probably wanted to go under Sanitization to clear their doubts and remove emotion, but the added information kinda goes against the interesting story they were trying to tell with Acht. Acht doesn't even mention why they went under Sanitization in Side Order and their reasoning is only found IN A SOCIAL MEDIA POST BACK IN 2018!!! THEY DON'T RESTATE IT AT ALL WHEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPORTANT TO DO SO! They kinda tell us via their letters, but guess when you get those, IN THE POST GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This leads me to another big talking point, most of the lore is hidden and hard to find. You have to go out of your way to find most of the shit Splatoon has to offer. Sunken Scrolls are hidden collectables and most people don't wanna go through the effort of finding them all in the stages, the chat logs in Octo Expansion are completely optional due to entries being tied to specific stations and you can choose to easily skip them, the dev diaries are locked behind lockers and some people may complete Side Order in a manner where they can get to the final boss and be done with the main campaign before seeing most of the entries. Now I'm not saying that there cannot be extra lore tidbits for players to find, hell no, i love extra stuff like that, i think Splatoon 1 and 3's hero modes did a really job of that. BUT WHEN YOU HIDE AWAY IMPORTANT DETAILS LIKE CALLIE'S MOTIVATION IN SPLATOON 2 AND MARINA'S AND PEARL'S BACKSTORIES!?!? YEAH I GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM RIGHT THERE!

In other games, these would be cutscenes or a bunch of mandatory dialogue, BUT NOPE! THEY ARE IN HARD TO FIND SPOTS!

Some of the other lore details are found on social media posts and some of them are YEARS old or on Splatoon's dead Tumblr account. Most people would rather go to Inkipedia and even they can sometimes make vital mistakes or have wording that gives people the wrong idea on what happened in particular events, which heavily impacts the community and discussion. When i talk about my perspective on what happened to Callie in Splatoon 2, I've seen people say to me "wait really? Huh?! I didn't know that." The amount of research you gotta do to go into these characters is an absolute nightmare, AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SPLATBANDS!!! Their lore is literally locked behind Japanese exclusive expensive artbooks!!! WHY?!?!

I really do wanna stress again, is it cool to get cool lore outside of the games and as collectables?! ABSOLUTELY! You know how awesome it was to read the Alterna logs for the first time? The smile on my face seeing Pearl and Marina back in the Final Fest in Side Order. But when the main stories suffer because of important information being tossed to the side and not applied to the main games... I dont know man, it just becomes incredibly frustrating to me personally. Especially with all the misconceptions and other things that occur within the community, the fandom has an information problem and honestly, it's Nintendo's fault. Imagine if Side Order had flashbacks to a younger Marina and Acht, it would have helped with the middle chunk of the story being so... nothing.

[mikuni14]

High School Frenemy

Like any normal girl, I've always liked a good high school series with strong homoerotic undertones, like Gokusen, Crows Zero, School 2013 😊 I'm an orthodox fan of the School 2013 series and at first I didn't want to watch HSF based on it, because I didn't think they could pull it off (I rate S2013 10/10 and it's one of the best series I've ever seen). For some time now I've been waiting for the series to end to either binge it or skip it, reading reviews in the meantime (ngl, thanks to that trick I saved myself time and sanity by not watching many bad series). I've heard only good things about HSF, I've seen kawaii little videos with MLs so I decided to give it a chance and watched the whole thing right before the finale. So. It wasn't a waste of time, actually it was GREAT 😄 HSF is similar to School 2013 but fortunately it's different enough that you can enjoy both without the joy-depriving comparison. The difference is that S2013 has less fights and more seriousness, while HFS has definitely more scenes with MLs and their relationship. S2013 also has more sub-plots and more characters involved in the plot, whereas in HSF the show is mainly carried by 2 strong characters, and the subplots come more in the second half of the show.

*deep sigh* It was like watching Word of Honor: you know you're technically watching a non-romance, non-BL, but you know, your brain knows and your heart knows thay you're watching a romance and a BL. It can fry your brain if you're not careful 😆

Saint and Shin, have no, I repeat no resistance, no qualms to make the most sappy and sentimental confessions, to sugarcoating their whole conversations with each other in the most tender, romantic way, they would outdo any, even the most romantic couple in the world with their behavior. I absolutely love this lack of shame and embarrassment. Just when I thought they couldn't get any more romantic, they made up and entered the honeymoon era and I died. Honey dripped off my screen, it was so sweet and mushy 🥰 I suppose, their unique charm is also due to the fact that in many moments when Saint was being particularly sappy and Shin being particularly shy, I was 100% convinced that it wasn't SaintShin but SkyNani 😆

HSF has an incredible amount of just kiss already dammit! moments, not to mention scenes that just beg for angry sex or make-up sex.

I don't know how anyone can pretend that WoH, The Untamed, S2013 or HSF or Steve Rogers and Bucky are not BL lmao. Friends don't act like that and don't say things like that to each other, in that way. Just think how anyone from the outside could walk into any of the aforementioned couples, their relationships, I mean... the logistics? 😂 Like, every single one of the guys in the above couples is really obsessed with their "friend", I mean ✨obsessed✨. Plus, no one knows them like their "roommate", the best and the worst, they have a history together, both good and tragic. You can't beat that! They are glued, ingrained to each other too deeply for there to be room for anyone else!

I love how Saint and Shin are so obviously crazy about each other, how perfect they are together, how comfortable they are together, how they sleep in the same bed together, even though they sleep on the floor in other houses, how their parents are fully aware of their incredible relationship, how they lived like zombies for 3 years without each other.

Their tragic story is one of the best I've seen, it's on the level of a Greek or Shakespearean tragedy. An exceptionally strong relationship on the level of soul mates, an exceptionally strong love. A tragic misunderstanding, an accident caused by one of them, unintentional, but laced with fear and resentment of one, which only adds to the already existing colossal sense of guilt. I absolutely love that in both versions, there is a whole range of emotions between the MLs, and they go through each one in turn. It's an emotional buffet in a fancy restaurant, it's got everything and in high quality: fear, longing, resentment, anger, guilt, wanting to forgive, needing to be forgiven, anguish, trust, losing trust, rebuilding trust, love. It all makes their relationship so incredibly compelling and satisfying.

I love how Saint was determined to atone for the wrongs he had done. How he was willing to do anything, how he accepted Shin's anger and resentment, his verbal and physical attacks. Saint not only apologized multiple times, but also worked off his sins. He worked to earn back Shin's and his mother's trust, even when they wore him out for it. That's why this relationship feels so satisfying, to be worked for by them, Saint really tried and nothing Shin said or did discouraged him. I really like that none of this was easy, that Shin's anger, resentment, and pain were noticed by the plot and by Saint.

I really like the fact that both of them are very strong, yet sensitive and emotional (95% of it was when it was about the other one 😅), that they are each other's strength, but also weakness. That together they are unstoppable. That THEY ARE BOTH EQUAL, both have the same power over each other. Both are presented in the plot as a power couple, as leaders of their groups. Saint is strong mentally, he's also physically stronger than Shin, but he doesn't flaunt his strength, he doesn't have to prove anything. I noticed that despite the fact that he is technically stronger than Shin, he gives the last blow, finishing the main villain, to him. On the other hand, Shin sacrifices himself twice and instinctively covers Saint in danger with his own body. Shin is more shy in their relationship (I feel like Nani was showing through in these scenes lol), he is the one who moderates Saint's crazy antics. Both are very handsome in different ways, Saint is like a bull with his stocky build, he is also the ideal himbo: kind, strong, muscular, mentally a puppy and dumb about his beloved 👌 He has absolutely no shame in showing off his feelings for Shin and gushing how awesome Shin is, which is 100% perfect boyfriend behavior. Shin with his face of a tortured poet with dark circles under his eyes that would have decimated the girls and me at my high school during our grunge years, with his bedroom eyes and the begging-for-kiss mole on his neck, was very seductive 😏

Tl;dr excellent series, excellent couple. Highly recommended.

[stealingpotatoes]

Shaak Ti & Plo Koon are clone parents asks!

u guys went a bit crazy w this au-ish and you know what?? absolutely fair its a great au. however for the sake of not clogging up ppl's dashes. will put most under the cut <3

Plo & Shaak: These are our clone children <3

Anyone else: uh two of them arent the same species and one of them is very clearly white and ginger he's not--

Plo & Shaak, igniting their lightsabers: These are our clone children.

@freshmiraclecheesecake LMAO omg so many conversations. like aayla come here sit down we see the way you're looking at our son bly. we need to give you the shovel talk

@theschultinator LMAO I LOVE THE IDEA OF THEM JUST CLAIMING THE CLONING FACILITY AS A FAMILY HOME good for them honestly <3 i think literally none of the jedi should be trusted as responsible anythings to the clones. if anything the clones are babysitting the jedi, ESPECIALLY the disaster lineage. rex has anakin and ahsoka on a kiddie leash

@dr-carew-jekyll i meaaaan thats basically what the au already is except it's plo koon and shaak ti doing it to get the clones some human rights via adoption loll. au to the left. i think the Communal one we have goin probs has mace stab palps but honestly would love to see a version where he chokes on a chicken wing PLEASE write that

idk if u mean Sister from the Padme novels or Omega tbb but yes absolutely <3 shaak ti has 1-2 girls she can be a girlmom to and thats fine w her!!

@reader6898 LOL omg yeah. scheduled out every millisecond of custody to fit all the clones in

@succstosucculent ok this doesnt TECHNICALLY fit the post but plo koon. anyway i have in fact drawn ghosta rica before!! its become smthn of a running joke now loll

[weidli]

Is it ok to ask what your Bond story is going to be about? 0-0

YES OF COURSE I AM ALWAYS HAPPY TO ELABORATE ON WIPS. it's (a) fun and (b) helps me figure out what the fuck i'm actually trying to do with a certain story

ao3 draft version of The Creature currently looks like this:

(dw i have everything in a word document also. i put active wips in ao3 drafts to 1. give myself a pretend deadline and 2. so i can figure out title / tags / summary / formatting in advance)

the idea for this fic crystallized when i saw this quote:

but the main concepts i'm trying to get at in it have been drifting around my head since i first watched casino royale / quantum of solace / skyfall (only thing in spectre i found vaguely compelling were the bond/moneypenny/q interactions and i still haven't subjected myself to no time to die (even though the fact that we were doing billie eilish's no time to die is the only reason i decided to watch a james bond movie at all lmao), the dc!james bond oeuvre is an open-ended trilogy 2 Me). basically the thing is that although james bond is commonly known as Theee womanizer (this is probably completely true when referring to the earlier bonds and also the books, nothing i have heard about those makes me doubt it) ummmmm. the way the trilogy and quantum of solace ESPECIALLY handles james and sex certainly. Leaves room open for alternate interpretation.

let me elaborate.

(disclaimer: i'm a law major, probably some degree of asexual, and my favorite bond movie is quantum of solace, and all three of these things certainly show)

FIRST casino royale babyyyyy. as noted above not my favorite of the three (least favorite actually lmao) but there's various things it gets points for on my list. but what we're mainly here for is (watch out this is a sentence i will never type again) THE SEX SCENES.

(please put you know my name on now. For Atmosphere)

first interaction we see bond have with a woman in casino royale beyond like. random people who are technically also in the street he's having a standard batshit james bond chase scene in is with m and OKAY YEAH I'LL ADMIT IT i'm not entirely opposed to a romantic reading of that relationship (they're fucked up and it fascinates me. i'm predictable. whatever). but thing is what bond mostly does in this scene is sit there and look at m with big woeful eyes while she tells him to fuck off and die somewhere (three times) calls him a blunt instrument (to be fair he did just blow up an embassy) and also get out of her house and HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY, 007. iconic

it's a HUGELY important scene for establishing how this version of james bond works (i think about "well i understand double-os have a very short life expectancy. so your mistake will be short-lived" often) and james is vaguely flirtatious in the way he always is (i.e. in a way that mostly consists of saying things softly while looking at people the right way) and nothing comes of it all. he doesn't make any real overtures, she doesn't even take off her coat, he leaves when she tells him to.

first SEXUAL bit is solange. he DOES give her bedroom eyes as soon as they spot each other on the beach, but 1. she does it first and 2. this is already The Mission. please consider once again the luca guadagnino quote. why flirt with her? why smile? because he's attracted to her? because it's useful to have the mark's wife want him? who knows! not us! and he's definitely not going to TELL us-

Ah! Well okay then!

and as soon as she tells him the guy he's after is going to be on the last plane to miami he's like Okay i'm outta here (almost visibly turns the switch marked flirtatious and available to the off position). i mean i don't have very much experience in this whole having sexual intercourse lark but that's not really Guy Who's Really Into This Sex Thing behavior to me! he does sex the same way he does killing which is to say. efficiently and with a vague sort of disinterest the second he's not actively performing it for someone.

compare this to, for example, the Whole Relationship bond and camille have in quantum of solace. the whole thing is (as far as i can tell, deliberately) CHOCK full of parallels between the two of them, and the fact, stated in text, that camille has unenjoyable sex with people she despises for the sake of the mission, isn't exactly excluded. consider (among other moments) this:

(James voice Lol same haha)

which is almost IMMEDIATELY followed by

HAHAHA CRAZY. this motherfucker out loud calls camille basically a prostitute and then says james kills everything he touches and then says this. and then we find out that camille is also a spy and is also here to kill a man and james and camille themselves are like yeah we ARE mirrors of each other actually

PARALLELS ARE TWO LINES IT'S NOT A STRETCH TO DRAW THE SECOND ONE IS ALL I'M SAYING. there are two people in this cave and they're bonding over losing someone in a violently traumatic way and then turning themselves into a weapon as a reaction but NOT about also using sex they don't really particularly want to have as a weapon in service of the mission in much the same way as a knife or a gun? don't make me laugh . it's RIGHT THERE. it is literally RIGHT THERE. and they do all this together and nearly die together and he gives her new purpose after she does the killing she meant to do and then all they do is kiss once

that's not SEXUAL!! LOOK AT IT. that's what two people who haven't quite realized that you can touch someone without it being the prelude to fucking or killing do instead of a normal goddamn GOODBYE HUG. that's what you do when you're a damaged creature and someone who's exactly the same as you except she's gotten what she thought she wanted looks into your eyes and sees you and the only thing you can think of to do to stop her looking at you is kiss her. NONSEXUAL INTIMACY between two people who use THEIR BODIES AS A WEAPON IN ANY WAY THEY CAN BABYYYYYY.

god i love quantum of solace. anyway.

my point? i think the fact that james bond has sex on missions often and skillfully doesn't mean he enjoys it. the whole point of these movies is that he does a lot of things for the mission that he doesn't enjoy. i think a more compelling interpretation of this version of james bond is actually somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

But Elke, you say. What about Vesper? the whole POINT of Vesper's role in the story, after all, is that what he does with her ISN'T the mission, and in fact ends up running contrary to mission goals. and yet he has sex with her, long after he's left the mission behind. to quote quantum of solace:

(this is also a point in favor of my SECOND hill to die on when it comes to "things that are probably true of most james bonds but i don't think are actually true of this one", i.e. i don't actually think he gives a flying fuck about england. most of the things he does are either fueled by personal loyalty to a specific person (most of the time, m; briefly, vesper) or personal conviction that it's the right thing to do (see for example him getting mad at m in quantum of solace because he thinks she's putting england's interests over the lives of people in bolivia) i personally don't see much patriotism in it at all)

the thing about vesper is that the initial flirting definitely IS an Standard Mission Behavior thing. their first conversation is a verbal sparring match that only occasionally dips to the physical (his "every penny of it", her "your perfectly formed arse") and i'm pretty sure the sparring match aspect of it is what he finds more interesting ("skewered. one sympathizes."). yes he flirts and yes he kisses her and i think part of that really is about wanting le chiffre to think he's distracted by the pretty woman and part of that is trying to get on her good side because it's useful for the mission. and then part of it is that she's unpredictable and thus fascinating (not least because she DIDN'T immediately step into the honeytrap) and the subsequent way he acts around her is . Hm in a certain way it's playing. this middle section of the movie is about two games james is playing and one of them is the poker game with le chiffre as a worthy opponent and the other one is with her. the sniping at each other is fun! it's different! she understands him in a way other people don't! and she DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. people wanting to sleep with him is the predictable standard outcome and she doesn't.

these movies work a lot with bond being a guy who kills people to get done what needs to be done and with how you can't really do that for very long without starting to think of yourself as a weapon rather than a person. even if it wasn't the original intention, i think a reading of the text that does the same thing with sex is DEEPLY compelling enhances the whole thing. the first scene with bond and vesper that really isn't about the mission even a little bit, the first scene where he steps out of his role as 007 for her, is this one:

(FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH FRIDAY)

which is notable 2 me for being wonderfully quietly intimate and not at all sexual about it (despite the fact that they are WET in a SHOWER and also he SUCKS ON HER FINGERS. what was that, james) and also what it's ABOUT. she's messed up over being responsible for a human being's death and he, killer of killers, doesn't ridicule it, but sits down in the shower next to her.

(they do this in a bathroom. i wonder where this james bond's first official kill canonically took place--

ah. oops. well never mind that i'm sure it's not important)

sure, they have sex later. but the first moment of actual, real intimacy is pointedly nonsexual. and listen. listen. i like to interpret bond as on the asexual spectrum, yes. but i think he really fucking likes touch, actually. i think that's what the whole thing with miss fields in quantum of solace is about, besides seducing her into letting him have a bit of leeway. the part he actually wants out of that, if he wants anything, is the one we see on screen-

sure it COULD be sexual. could also just be an excuse to touch someone he won't have to try and destroy with it afterward (and then it destroys her anyway, but that's a different essay). like god. think about it. you are a little boy in a big stone house in scotland and you love your parents and then they're gone and you go into the tunnel under the moor and you stay there for two days and then you come back out because you know you'll have to, someday, but you left your childhood buried in that dirt. and who is there after that? the gamekeeper, kincade, who you were probably close with, but when you meet him again years later you only shake hands. boarding school. the boys talk about girls, about wanting. you try it and it doesn't feel right to you, but then again nothing has, not for years. and you learn to do it, and do it well, like you do everything, because if you don't they'll remember you don't belong here. ("-and they never let you forget it. hence the chip on your shoulder.") the navy. they teach you to kill. in a grimy bathroom you hold a man down into the water of the sink, his body against yours, until he stops moving. ("not well.") you stand there. take a breath. ("made you feel it, did he?") this is what you are now. kill him a second time. kill another man without ever coming close, and starting then the only thing your body is good for-- ("as mi6 says, he's difficult to control. nice way of saying that everything he touches seems to wither and die.") -- is being a weapon, one way or another. you fall in love with her because she takes you apart and doesn't want to sleep with you, and you send in your resignation and sleep with her after all because you love her, you do, and you want to touch her forever, and you don't really mind it, if it's her. (her dead mouth under your mouth and she won't breathe--) you start killing again. you're as good at it as you ever were. one wink, and she's following you to bed. the only person you had left to trust asks you to hold him as he dies, and you do. ("that's better. that doesn't hurt.") drop the necklace in the snow. it nearly does kill you this time ("take the bloody shot.") and you sleep with anyone warm enough and let the scorpion crawl onto your hand and go back anyway, and when he ties you to a chair and puts his hand high on your thigh you say ("what makes you think this is my first time?") --

Which is to say, I have a lot of opinions about James Bond's relationship with his body and relationship with sex and relationship with autonomy, and I'm writing a substantial amount of words of fic about it. PLOTWISE the basic scenario of the fic is that on some mission somewhere, part of the plan is for James to get someone specific into bed, and then before this actually happens, she roofies him, and the subsequent sex happens while Q has some camera somewhere on them. the following god only knows how many words are about Q (who i'm writing as aromantic but not asexual in this, because i can) slowly realizing that something really fucked up is going on here, actually, and trying to fix it, and instead fucking things up harder because he underestimated the level of fucked up inside James Bond is baseline operating at, and then eventually they do figure it out and now maybe MI6 sends someone else out when they can tell from the beginning that a certain mission is going to require sex, and maybe sometimes James and Q sleep in the same bed and don't ever ever ever fuck about it. James makes scrambled eggs in the morning. The cats steal some. It works out okay, maybe.

[spiritsglade]

jason todd, cass cain, and ollie queen for this ask game

[character breakdown]

HI HAI!!! THANKS FOR THE ASK!

jason todd:

How I feel about this character

i think calling him my favorite is somewhat misleading but he is certainly the one i am thinking about the most and always. he may have a total of like five good comics but i am an expert at taking a run that sucks and picking out the 2-3 interesting implications in there for my own purposes.

i want to tuck him into bed. i need to make him into a marketable plushie and throw him at a wall as hard as possible. i hope he gets 2 billion hugs i want to study him under a microscope.

there's so much i like about him that it's hard to compress it into something short lmao. he's such a unique character metatextually. the all-blades are so so interesting, especially when you contextualize them with his code in utrh/lost days. he's so theatrical. i am thinking always of the nuances of his relationship with each of his parental figures.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

roy harper probably gets closest to otp status. i would say i need them to kiss so badly but this isn't even true i just need them to be like. in the same space together. i'm obsessed with nearly every single variation of their relationship i just kgmreklgmrehmltkhmr,m.

jaykyle is fun to me but in a shitposty kind of way. jayessence is one where i think i technically do ship them but the romance is secondhand to the thorny and strange way they regard each other. jason x isabel is hmmmm i like them but only with the version of isabel ardila that exists in my head.

jayrose, jayrena, jaymia and jaysteph are all in the same tier of i don't really seek them out/they're not the first that come to mind. but if i stumble across them i am absolutely down :) also you're selling me on jaymax i won't lie.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

dick grayson. the two of them make me ill in a ways that defy description. jaybin & discowing in every variation makes me sooo so sad (ranging from dick's fighting with bruce leading to resentment for jason -> them explicitly thinking of each other as brothers and hanging out as much as possible.) when it comes down to it, it's all about the lost potential!! what could have been!! no matter how much dick may have been fond of jason that strain of his relationship with bruce + the difference in age and maturity means there was always gonna be distance there.

and then when jason comes back... honestly i think post-crisis dick's cruelty to jason to like an almost ooc way can be explored in an interesting way in-universe. why is jason the exception to your selfless compassion!! but even ignoring that it's again about lost potential it is about trying to reconnect when the person you've lost has changed so fundamentally and so have you!! anyway dickie and jay i am thinking of them always.

My unpopular opinion about this character

i simply have no frame of reference for what opinion is unpopular anymore (i <3 my echo chamber) but i am actually not all that opposed to the idea of jason putting down the guns or shifting to a more nonlethal moral code. however dc has failed in every attempt to do this in an interesting way.

sorry i simply do not believe that jason hasn't realized or needed to reckon with the consequences of killing people. oh no they had families? what if he accidentally kills the wrong guy? what if he killed the guy we needed info from/needed alive for various reasons? he's considered these questions before pulling the trigger. pick better arguments. starting a story with 'killing is bad' already established as an axiom is boring as hell.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

he should kiss roy harper. i mean. anyway.

i don't actually trust dc to do this at all but sometimes i wish that plotline in future state where bruce had jason working undercover & the entire batfam thought jason betrayed them was like... real. (it wasn't actually bruce it was hush.)

like the total lack of faith in jason. jason destroying his own life and relationships for bruce's sake. a proper arc of how do you fix what's been destroyed after the whole undercover part comes to light. i'm saying give jason a spyral arc, i guess. i think it could highlight existing strain between him & the batfam in a very interesting way.

hey if we just believe hard enough maybe this could be where h2sh is headed--*gets shot*

cassandra cain:

How I feel about this character

i love her i love her i love her one day i'm gonna accidentally project all over her and it's gonna be so over for me. i think first of all her being a teenage girl beating the shit out of grown men is just awesome for her. i'm so happy that there are people out there mad about that.

i think her mindset is just so interesting. like the body language gimmick immediately makes her so fun to play around with in social contexts. like for all its faults i think the wfa episode where she can tell steph is unhappy and then pushes too hard to find out why -> makes everything worse is so interesting, actually!! being able to practically read someone's mind, having all those cards on the table, can actually complicate your relationships even further! and cass is a fun lens to explore that though, especially because she hasn't really had a chance to know what's "normal" for most of her life.

her desperate need to save everyone is also so important to me. as are the impossible standards she holds herself to. 'i can be mediocre for a lifetime or perfect for a year' <- lines that i need to absorb into my bone marrow. man. i really need to finish batgirl 2000.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

stephcass forever. i don't know much about cassrose but i do know enough to be intrigued + stephcassrose is also neat for similar reasons.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

barbara gordon!!! babs wants the best but there is forever a disconnect between them because babs doesn't really get cass. babs as an information broker with her eidetic memory has a very specific perception of the world that just doesn't overlap very well with cass's whole deal. and that causes this undercurrent of tension. i think babs focusing on how she wants cass to have a civilian life + cass not caring about that at all because being batgirl is enough is a pretty clear example of this.

but more importantly, babs cares!! she's trying her damnedest to help. cass literally thinks of her as family, as her mother, and i am spinning that fact around in my head always.

the entire babs and bruce and cass push and pull is extremely fun to witness in general.

My unpopular opinion about this character

i think she should be more of a hater. she should watch a show and decide she doesn't like it and announce this fact to the entire world. she has like five food items that she likes. strong opinions about trivial things and she's not talkative, you will know exactly how she feels about everything.

i am talking more fanon interpretations here because i admittedly haven't read too many of her more modern comics but if she gets annoyed talking to you i truly believe she would just leave midsentence.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

make stephcass canon i am actually serious about this one. tate brombal i hear you're doing good work. keep it up.

oliver queen:

How I feel about this character

i saw someone describe green arrow comics as having more mundane struggles than batman and i think this is correct and a large part of the appeal to me. ollie struggles with his relationships and with problems that feel more real. he has a lot of flaws but he does actually face the consequences of them and makes an effort to improve, and that's a narrative i can really get behind. i want him to do better!! he's stubborn but he can recognize when he messed up!

also he's so loud about his opinions and i love that for him. keep hating on billionaires <3 yay

All the people I ship romantically with this character

halollie i am so sold on you. the fact BOTH of you consider that gay ass roadtrip the best moment of your life? sickening. you are so in love.

olliedinah i have less developed thoughts again but i think they're very fun to witness.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

mia dearden!! it is deeply important to me that he is the girldad of all time. i don't really have much to add except that you should read ga 2001. every time they're on page together it's just. aughhh i experience the full range of emotions i love them so so much. curls up and dies.

My unpopular opinion about this character

he is a better dad than bruce wayne. actually green arrow > batman is just true. in general.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

ooo honestly i don't think i've read enough of his comics to feel strongly about this. but uhh did they ever end up doing anything with the reveal at the end of archer's quest that ollie did know connor was his son all along? that feels like a plot point that should have been followed up on, probably.

whew that got long. thanks again for the ask :]

[pinkprettycure]

do you have any otome/dating sim recs? aside from diamond heart of course ^_^

for otome dating sims (like stat raisers) Tokimeki memorial girl's side has fan translations for the DS versions of the games and the PSP version of GS3 (which is what I play, it's an improved version with more content <3) you can play all of those on a mobile device with an emulater as well, PPSSPP the psp emulator runs on android n_n

for other games that have official eng releases for dating sims i sent my friend a lot of them before so I'm copying my list from there lol:

Also I recommend checking out the English Otome Games account that is still very actively documenting and sharing all these games

PAID SIM GAMES:

Backstage Pass THE GOAT fr fr there IS one female LI in this btw!

Dandelion Wishes Brought to You, from the same people who made Mystic Messenger, this was an ealier game i liked it!

Lucky Rabbit Reflex, okay i love this one but a lot of ppl are turned off by the art but it has a great cast and its very funny, but the setting is europe so watch out! also fair warning it IS older it was released n 2011! so it 1. has really low resolution and 2. tacky tasteless dialogue... i remember the r slur is used in it u.u.

MAGICAL DIARY THE GOAT dude, it takes place in a magic school so if you like witch magical girls this one is for you, There's also a boy MC version that came outlater, Wolf Hall. also has female LI options

Paid visual novel otomes!

These ones are regular VNs like MWDH but unlike MWDH shouldnt have much emphasis on stat raising at all.

Amnesia Memories: This was really fun for me I liked the mystery and Kent is my love of my life lol

Band Camp Boyfriend: okay i havent finished this one but it looks really fun and cute so there

Chronotopia Second Skin: this one's based on a variation of Cinderella and has a black cast and female LI options!

Date Warp: man i fucking loved this one it had a fun mystery

Heart Fragment: one i've been keeping an eye on, it's also technically "in progress" but it's doing an episodic DLC model with very affordable DLC tis also has female LI options

With Eyes of Ice: this one is a linear VN with only one LI, and it's meant to be pretty depressing haha, but ebi-hime markets it as an otome/adjacent game and I really like her prose and I loved what I read so far

FREE SIM GAMES!

RE: Alistair is super old but a goodie and a classic for indie otome fans i think n_n Backstage Pass is a spiritual successor to this!

Christmas and Valentines Otome, I didn;t realize they had stats. the creator made halloween otome first and it didn't have that from what i remember, all three are pretty great and theyre all free

Free VN otome:

Cinderella Phenomenon, another classic this one is very popular for good reason its nicely made, a good length story, and best of all? Free babey.

Bell Maidens Bloom: this one is in progress but it's releasing at a time so I'm not rlly considering it a demo ? the selling point is a soft black girl MC lol!

XOXO Droplets: it's free to play with a paid extended version. You play as a girl who's a jerk who doesnt GAF and is pursuing a bunch of jerks just cuz they're hot lmao it's very funny xD

Our Life is by the same people as the above but what if instead of being an asshole rizzing up jerks you're a nice person who's chill and getting to know a shy autistic boy over the course of your life. only one LI

Tailor Tales! This one isn't a pure VN because it has a fashion boutique mechanic? I didn't realize it was totally free but it only has paid DLC for the sexy content xD... you run a boutique and get to rizz up hot guys, it's really intricately done and has a LOT of content

Demos to watch out for

These ones are demos rn and not full games in any capacity, but they look epic and I want ppl to keep an eye out

Edge of Elsewhere: from the same person as lucky rabbit reflex, i really liked the demo so far and it doesn't have the same issues of dated writing (but it still has the issue of being in europe, sad!)

Snowkissed Romance: it's based on 90s anime and is a stat sim game! i really liked what I saw and the art's really cute,

Mirage Noir: a mystery otome! it looks really fun and the art is great. I watched my friend play this one and I liked what i saw

MY DEAR LOVE; this one is SOOOOO cute, another shojo inspired one, this one more manga than 90s anime and it's also another stat raiser. it only has one li I think? but it looks really cute i loved the demo

Thread of You: I recommended my friend to play this one because Liam's VA was in it and she loves his performance lol. It's pretty fun so far though but sadly the character Phil voices doesnt have as much screentime XD;;

[rosetheocto]

Among Us Logic: Rewritten • A Bunch Of Yapping!! (Part 2)

Once again, AULR is a colab project between me and @coinholder! HUGE huge yapping session and stuff is under the cut!! Note that all of this is still a work in progress and will probably change!! You can find Part 1 here!

ACTUALLY GETTING INTO MORE OF THE STORY-FOCUSED STUFF NOW RAAAGGGSGGGDGSH :3

OK OK JUMPING RIGHT INTO IT CUZ IDK HOW TO REALLY DO AN INTRO LOL so like. the episode summaries from the last post can kinda explain some stuff for me but yeaaa!!! A lot of the weird non-Among Us stuff I kept was mainly to serve as foreshadowing for the big 5 part “Finale” to the series with the NoVisor Arc!! I mean, NV’s connection to Player (and being the reason for his curse of bad luck) is already explicitly canon, so NV being the explanation for all the weird stuff in the series isn’t too far fetched to me! The prequel is still Fall Guys Logic and everything from those first two episodes stays pretty much the same, but AUL onwards is pretty different! Sorry in advance for the amount of times I might repeat stuff here and everything, I just. I just really like the silly gametoons among us fanfiction. REALLY hoping this next batch of paragraphs make sense >_<. Oh yeah also putting here that yes I’m making Noob a main character who’s actually likable (she is already in GT’s post-AUL content imo) and I’m making PlayVetNoob a thing instead of PlayVetCap. Boo me all you want, I don’t care! /hj /silly

ANYWAY please read the episode summaries in the first part of this series if you haven’t already cuz you’re gonna need to see all that for the sake of understanding the rest of this more lol. So a lot of the episodes here are bunched up into “Arcs” of sorts, with the first one being:

The Omelette Arc

This arc technically starts in the 2nd episode when Mr. Cheese kills TheGentleman as an Impostor. At the end of that episode, Player and others rejoin the lobby and are greeted with what is basically a screaming match between the two business partners. Episode 3 is when the arc really kicks off with the introduction of Mr. Egg, with the 4th episode causing a rivalry between him and the FGL Trio. Just like in canon, Mr. Cheese makes his grand return in episode 5, disguising as Player and killing Mr. Egg as payback for the Crewmate getting everything he didn’t (ie: TheGentleman being nice to his partner and not a dick for once). Oh yeah by the way, in this version of the story TheGentleman had technically never “terminated his contract” with Mr. Cheese, implying that his partnership with Mr. Egg was the equivalent of Gent cheating on him. Mr. Cheese’s emotions were already kinda understandable in the canon series, but in this rewrite we kinda leaned full in on Gent being an awful person at the start. Mr. Cheese doesn’t really want TheGentleman back romantically like in canon, at least not at first with the whole abuse stuff, but he just wants to work with Gent and have him treat Cheese with some basic goddamn respect!

Similarly to Episode 2’s ending, Player joins the lobby just in time to see TheGentleman speedrun his breakup with Mr. Egg (Like to contrast to how loud and obnoxious his breakup was with Cheese, he just walks up to Egg after everything and says “consider our work partnership terminated.” and leaves the game) and wonder what the hell is going on before the credits roll. The episode after that isn’t the Halloween special (that happens later) but actually a rewrite of AUL 8! After the beginning musical number, Mr. Egg is like. very much going through the 5 stages of grief with processing TheGentleman’s breakup and Mr. Cheese is practically going out of his way in trying to worsen it for Egg lmao.

Like. Mr. Egg at first is trying so hard to pretend like the breakup didn’t truly happen, being in denial of feeling any hurt from it. This eventually leads to him bargaining with TheGentleman to give things a second chance, but Gent is insistent on leaving things be for the sake of the rest of the Lobby. This sends Mr. Egg into even more of a depressive state, not even caring about finding out who the Impostors are anymore. His anger towards Mr. Cheese soon clouds his vision and he tries convincing the others to vote him out because “he must be the impostor, he’s ALWAYS the impostor! It just has to be him” but it’s so emotionally charged that literally nobody buys it… but with some advice from Player, Mr. Egg eventually learns to accept that TheGentleman’s moved on and that he must do the same. Idk I just like Mr. Egg and I think that episode idea is neat :3

The final episode of the Omelette Arc is the Egg/Cheese Impostor episode that we honestly should’ve gotten in canon like. it was right there GT cmon now… anyway, Mr. Cheese and Mr. Egg obviously both aren’t really thrilled about being each other’s Impostor partner, and spend a little while trying to sabotage the other player. Eventually though, they both have an argument when nobody else is around and blow up at each other. It’s revealed to Mr. Egg that Mr. Cheese never got any real respect from TheGentleman when they were together, and it’s revealed to Mr. Cheese that Mr. Egg didn’t even know he existed until after the stunt he pulled in his Player disguise instead of being fully aware like he thought he was. Now that the two of them are rightfully angry at TheGentleman, the two food-themed characters actually team up and successfully frame TheGentleman as the Impostor while still putting up a front of hating the other! After the game, we see the final post-lobby confrontation between the three beans, and instead of an argument, the talk surprisingly goes over well! After this episode, TheGentleman starts to put an effort into redeeming himself and being a better person to the others! Again, Mr. Cheese doesn’t get back with him immediately, but still! There will be among us yaoi trust me lmaoo

ANYWAY now that the first arc’s over I’m gonna talk more about the episodes in between all that and the Hackers’ Lobby Arc!! So by this point the few notable weird moments that have happened in-game can be handwaved off through other means, but the first truly significant non-among us thing is directly tied to NoVisor itself, although we don’t really know what it really is at this point yet. For the Halloween Special, we’re just straight up introducing NoVisor’s current vessel, Aiden!

The episode begins with Player dying per usual, getting killed by PoopyFarts96 as the Impostor (which is. Something to say the least). While exploring the out of bounds part of The Skeld in boredom waiting for the round to end, Player manages to find a hidden area in the map, no doubt some kind of Easter egg tied to the Halloween event update. In this new void area, he finds a lone brown Crewmate chained to the ground, and when he tries to interact with them, he finds they actually can communicate back! The problem though is that this person seems to have extremely little recollection of who they are, and there’s a feeling that they’re being drained of the small amounts of energy they have left, for one reason or another…

Somehow, Player does manage to jog their memory a little bit, and the Crewmate tells Player that his name is Aiden, and that he had gotten trapped in the Digital Space while trying to get work done for the college he was attending. There was also something about glitchy visorless ghosts and some kind of vessels? Player unfortunately didn’t get enough info about everything before he was forcibly sent back into the Lobby due to the game ending. He never got the chance to interact with Aiden again afterwards either, even while the Halloween event was still up. He thought it was a bit strange, but it was probably just a rare chance for a meeting like that to happen, and that he somehow scored the RNG odds to get it. Innersloth did a damn good job of making things spooky for the occasion, that’s for sure! At least, that’s what everyone took from Aiden’s introduction :] (I like to think that Aiden isn’t really mentioned after this episode for a while, so both people in-universe and viewers just assume that he only existed for the Halloween special, just like Freezy in canon, which would make the NV Arc being as big as it is all the more surprising!)

Blue also offhandedly mentions encountering a Cult during the early days of him playing Among Us too when he gets introduced to the rest of the game. He’s still very much the “normal guy surrounded by weirdos” like he is in canon, and he was planning to leave the group after his first few rounds with them, but Mr. Egg manages to get on his good side, and Blue decides to stick around a little longer to get to know him more!! Ninja also makes a small return in an attempt to help Player get his first Victory, but it doesn’t go as planned because it’s Player. After Player unintentionally breaks Ninja’s win streak as Impostor, he decides to take a page out of Blue’s book and look for other people to play with for an episode, leading him to stumble upon the GTG Lobby! I’ve always loved the idea of Rookie and Player mirroring each other when Rookie was first introduced all that time ago, and I’m definitely taking that idea for this rewrite in one way or another! The way the GTG Lobby play the game is by having it in a sorta gimmicky “hard mode” called Among Us Extreme! It basically has the whole shebang; highest speeds, lowest vision, confirm ejects off, anon voting, etc! I don’t have all of the GTG episode written out yet, but uh. I probably will soon!!

The Hackers’ Lobby Arc

This is probably the arc I’ve talked the most about! It goes from episode 12 to 14, so it’s quicker than the Omelette Arc was. I’ve yapped a lot about NotOrange’s episode in this post and the Hackers’ Lobby here, so feel free to check that out! TLDR being that NotOrange and Player are partnered up as Impostors, with NotOrange using a mod to gain the upper hand. Because of Player’s willingness to let it happen, he gets sent to the Hackers’ Lobby alongside NotOrange. After Player’s former companion ban-evades his way out of the lobby for the umpteenth time, Player is stuck in the room on his own and quickly finds out from the others there that he most likely is banned for good. Player, adamant on escaping, teams up with a trio sharing a similar goal to help him gain the approval of Ms. Pink and especially Admin.

These three crewmates in particular are Angel, Mother, and Goober! Angel knew Player before (episode 1) and is helping him out of the kindness of her heart, same with Mother but she also thinks that it’ll make her look better towards Admin so he could let her out too (along with Timmy and Franklin) (she is insistent on keeping their mods on), and Goober… Goober just has nothing else to do lmao. Don’t entirely know how yet, but Player does eventually get enough approval from Admin to show he’s changed about hacking in the game, allowing him to leave!

Now uh, I’m sure some people might have noticed that I haven’t really brought up Captain all that much! Well him being a side character here more than a main character is pretty intentional by this point. We aren’t really leaning into his “friendship” with Player as much as GT is and are focusing more on his self-proclaimed title as “Leader” of the crew. He’s even the one to introduce new characters to the rest of the Lobby! Lately though, people seem to be respecting his authority less and less, especially Player with that hacking-the-game thing! Captain’s a bit of a control freak in this, and Player breaking his rules as badly as he did was somewhat the straw that broke the camel’s back.

When Player arrives back into the Lobby, he’s immediately hit with another hacked game! This time, anyone killed by the Impostor is sorta turned into one themself, losing full control of their character as the bean is turned into a zombie! A lot of the episode kinda stays the same, but the Captain reveal is the most notable part that was rewritten here. With the round nearly over, Captain goes to turn off the mod and be the big hero… but it doesn’t work. Cap’s smugness quickly turns to panic as he’s caught red-handed by Player, and he explains that he created the mod to affect anyone he kills as the Impostor. He did do it to cause himself to win, but he wasn’t exactly going out of his way to make Player lose. His plan was to “save the day” and get everyone’s respect as leader back, but he wasn’t as skilled of a hacker as NotOrange was, and was gonna be sent into the Hackers’ Lobby anyway, so his plan severely backfired. The episode ends with Player apologizing to Captain for not respecting the rules he put in place as they both lose to the zombies, with a post credits scene of Captain meeting a ticked off Admin (and worried Ms. Pink) afterwards.

After the Hackers’ Lobby Arc, the group feel a bit off without Captain’s leadership, but they’re also understandably a bit pissed at him at the moment for the stunt he pulled. The episode after this is the first episode in a while that isn’t focused on Player, and is surprisingly focused on the two silent brown crewmates in the Among Us Losers (although one takes the white color cuz of Cap’s absence this ep): PoopyFarts96 and Cub! This episode with them is kinda silly, but we also learn some interesting stuff to say the least with these two! Since they’re both quiet in the series itself, they use Discord DMs and facial expressions(?) to communicate what they’re saying. The episode shows that the two only have one goal: make Player lose. Always. Even when they’re on the same team, they both need Player to lose. However in this particular round, they make a huge error that gives Player the upper hand, so they kinda have to scramble in a comedic way to prevent Player from getting that sweet first victory before the game ends! They’re successful, but the two aren’t really celebratory afterwards about it. The ending of the episode shows one final DM conversation from the two beans, explaining that as much as they want to, they can’t back out from this grand plan now without harsh consequences… whatever that means. I’m sure it’s nothing important!

AULR Episode 17 is a proper Valentines special cuz we needed a proper valentines special imo and NO I refuse to accept AUL 16 as one lmaoo… anyway this is more of a chill slow episode. Player’s the impostor and he does try to win the game like he usually does but he eventually just decides to focus on just being with the people around him and all that stuff. GentleCheese get back together, Noob and Player let Veteran into their relationship, Gnome and Engineer have some cute moments together and there seems to be something going on between Blue and Mr. Egg too… and Ninja as the token single who’s just quietly (lightheartedly) making fun of the others in the lobby. The way Player loses here is actually through a tasks win but like. as pathetic as that is at least it makes sense!!

Captain finally makes his return back from the Hackers’ Lobby in episode 18! The episode here is basically focused on Cap trying to get the respect of everyone back after the zombie stuff he did a few episodes ago! Also just gonna add here that Dum doesn’t play Among Us at all in this and thus doesn’t really meet Captain, sooo no CapDum!! I don’t really know how this episode’s gonna fully play out but Cap does somehow get a second chance from the rest of the group, just in time for The Airship to drop as the newest Among Us map (this all still takes place in 2020/2021 in-universe)!! Most stuff from Airship Arrival carry over, like TheGentleman and Player being impostors and surprisingly enough, the way Player loses stays the same too! I know people say that PF recording him was a copout in canon, but I think it makes sense in the rewrite with what we know about him and Cub by this point! …yknow, we haven’t really talked about an arc in a minute… I say we change that a bit!! Technically the NoVisor Arc starts on episode 21, but Hornsly’s introduction episode is kinda where it all starts to go down.

This episode also takes place on The Airship, with a new member of the group, Hornsly, joins the Among Us Losers server, along with his pet robot QWERTY! Everyone obviously is like “yoooo adorable robot hell yeah” but QWERTY’s more shy and reserved at first, kinda like their owner, but something must’ve happened to it in between the waiting room and the round beginning, because things just kept getting more and more off with it as the game progressed, almost like it was being controlled by some type of higher being…. the round ends with Hornsly dying, but QWERTY taking the reigns and sabotaging the victory of every Crewmate, saying that the “mission” it had was “too important to jeopardize”. After the game’s over, both Hornsly and QWERTY are very understandably very confused, creeped out, and concerned with What The Hell Just Happened. The duo then leave the lobby to contact Innersloth about the issue, with the rest of the group planning to do another round in the meantime, changing the map to The Skeld just in case.

Despite Player’s increasing anxiousness about continuing to play the game, he decides to stay online with the others anyway, and the screen transitions from the waiting room to the actual round beginning… he finds himself not sitting in his room at his home laptop anymore, but in The Skeld as the bean inside the screen. Player is now trapped inside the game!! DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!! and then the episode ends on that cliffhanger lmao

now uh. for the rest of the NoVisor Arc… I’ve decided to make a third part for, cuz it’s quite a bit and I’ve definitely infodumped and yapped A LOT in this post already!! hopefully this can satisfy the few AUL rewrite fans for now! Third part coming soon hehe :3

[ultraviolet-cello]

Alright since the @tristampparty is Well under way now I'm gonna do a little day by day analysis or details I like about the episode of the day, along with my usual art hustle :3!

Because this is going to end up being Super long we'll put this under a cut! [Spoiler warning for All of Trigun, primarily Tristamp and Trimax]

Tl;dr? I'm normal about how Knives is in Tristamp

So I'll be going point by point in chronological notes that I kept while writing abt this episode :] thank u to Mal for putting up with my rambles hehehe.

So the Seeds ships specifically are reminiscent, to me at least, of the Angel Arm (probably moreso the tristamp version which, can you believe, is incredibly difficult to get a screenshot of lmao)

That's interesting to me because it could be just a design choice but if it is an in-universe thing, it does,... imply some things about Plants. Granted, Independents probably weren't known abt when the Seeds ships launched, but is there another aspect of Plants that takes that form? And is that impactful enough for a human fleet to design their ships after that? Much to think about for something that's probably just symbolic lmao

Now for Knives! So a little bit of context that I will elaborate on as we watch, but I think the narrative is heavily biased against Knives when he was a child, and that we will get some recontextualization next season that's more in line with how we know him in Trimax.

In particular, I think the beginning flashback is possibly theeee most unbiased depiction of events because all the rest are specifically memories being told to others by Vash or Knives, or the whole memory thing in July. Granted it's still very Vash-focused but it gives us two major things.

Knives seemingly wanting to take Rem along with him. In Trimax, it's semi-implied that Knives would have initially wanted Rem to live and spirals very hard into telling Vash he hates Rem as a coping mechanism (which I will elaborate on if anyone's interested in my reading of those scenes), and it seems to be even more overt here.

He doesn't stop reaching out either until Rem shuts the escape pod/pulls the lever (Unclear on when that is)

2. From that scene, the only time we see Knives' face/expression again is when the escape pod is being like. Slung out of the ship. The rest of it always blocks his face and expression in favour of seeing Vash's far louder and emotional reactions.

and we just straight up do not see knives again until his big maniacal speech thing and that's,,, well we just don't know how long it's been since they crashed. could be minutes. could be hours. could be enough for knives to have had a breakdown and start laughing at the sky because he just doesn't know what else to do

i think (hope) season 2 might end up having a lot of the same flashbacks from knives' pov/an unbiased pov :]

Moving on with the episode: Roberto! I love Roberto a lot actually, he definitely grows on you. Something I did notice is that throughout this ep he says that Meryl and Vash would not last long on this planet which. That's interesting, considering he doesn't say that to Wolfwood, and yet Wolfwood and Roberto are the ones doomed by the (sometimes meta) narrative.

So when Vash is found he's been strung up by the Bad Lads gang (who have far more presence in episode one than I originally thought lmao), and he looks... a little dehydrated maybe, but overall fine.

The guys next to him, though? not doing remotely as well. Now while there is the possibility that he just got tied up later there's also the possibility that. While he does need to eat he doesn't need to eat as much as the average human. Which. is a lovely thought for the two dead guys. [Also a possibility that if Vash does need to consume less than a human, it could be another justification to himself for his eating issues]

The bounty! So it's technically Knives' bounty but whatever. [Sidenote: the idea that Vash and Knives look very similar is hilarious to me because they do not and never have to me] The particular notes are that Knives definitely had a hand in this - Vash is the only person specified alive, the bounty is obscenely high (compared to the other wanted posters), and it's specifically stamped with July Military, which. Well Knives and Conrad operate in July, and Conrad (by extension Knives) very clearly has a Lot of power in that City because he has the tower, that massive lab, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if they were the ones who initially created the bounty/wanted poster.

This Thomas carrying co... coffins? Are they coffins??

Background wanted posters for B.D.N, Marilyn Nebraska, Rai-Dei, and some other characters from trimax/98. And also for Nightow. for 30 $$ you can bring in Nightow the Comix Artist dead or alive! Wanted for Couch Crimes

Roberto kinda fascinates me as a character, especially when he sticks up for Vash and suggests a duel. My friend Mal describes him as a tsundere for friendship and. yeah okay that works lmao. for all his,,, roberto-isms, roberto has a a bit of a moral streak (he gets maddddd when he learns that children have been experimented on, hesitates in defending himself against Elendira, and lies to the police to get information out of them). He's just a Lot jaded, and we're already primed to like Meryl because, well she's Meryl, but he tends to be right when it comes to Meryl's inexperience. i like him. It's also, come to think of it, possibly because Vash fascinates Roberto a little bit. Roberto really saw Vash and went "I gotta study this guy" lmao

Vash having absolutely Perfect trigger discipline lmao

OKAY SO THIS PART IS MY FAVOURITE. For reference I am a black belt in a couple different martial arts, and working to become a sensei in Goju Ryu Karate, so this sequence is delightful! Let's break it down :] The initial block is one we use to open up a person's body - if that arm is clear out of the way you can keep control of the gun arm in this case by just pushing outwards (And with Vash's additional strength in his prosthetic that's Pretty Dang Effective, especially because in gun situations you want to keep the gun barrel away from you, so you're taught to use two arms - Vash doesn't need to do that)

From there, he goes and grabs the guy's shoulder to pull him forward unexpectedly - this throws him off balance and shifts his weight onto Vash's, so Vash is taking all that bodyweight. From there, all Vash has to do is maintain his grip on the gun arm's wrist (keeping the gun away from both parties in case he accidentally fires or there's a misfire), then turn sharply and let the body follow through!

From there he keeps the grip on the wrist and twists, which sends the gun out of the guy's grip and out of danger. At the same time, he spins his own gun's grip and hits the back of the head with the barrel - Notably he lets go of the wrist, which, if he'd kept holding it, would break the arm. I'm not entirely sure which martial arts were referenced for Vash's style, but this is exactly the type of thing I teach! [For anyone interested, I practice Goju Ryu karate, aiki jiu jitsu, iado (sword), self defense, and general okinawan kobudo (weapons like the bo staff, sais, and nunchaku)]

okay i blacked out and am no longer in teaching mode. Vash's arm, when he picks up that rock, glows very very green

what does that mean? I have 0 idea, it could be that it's overstrained, or using more power than usual. I mean, he did rip a rock out of the ground.

Zaziecam birdworm heading to July from Jeneora Rock! Probably how Knives got word of where Vash was

This fucking scene. man y'all this scene HAUNTS me.

It's so. unreliable at best. this scene goes adult vash saying he has a brother into this flashback. knives says, in order, that "he finally did it", not to worry because the plants are fine, he got rem killed, and tells vash not to get mad because he's already his accomplice, and nothing else. now we Know that that's not the case because Knives directly adds in information in future renditions of this flashback (That Vash gave him the launch codes). Which. What else don't we know about this scene. Clearly it's been a little while, the fire is burning, and Knives had all this time to climb the tower while Vash was (unconscious?). I want to see it from Knives' pov.

Knives keeping a bunch of last run plant corpses as statues to.. remind himself of his goal I guess. I read Tristamp Knives as Trimax Knives taken to the extreme (will elaborate in one of the flashback episodes), so I think he's a touch uh. Extremely unhealthy.

And that's it for episode one! I hope if you read this you had fun and it wasn't too much of a slog to read lmao i'm just rambling. I hope you had fun if you made it this far :]

[vro0m]

not to strum up discourse this fine sunday evening😂 but this has been irking me a bit lol i don’t understand this universal agreement that max rather than lewis will do well in other motorsports. don’t get me wrong i get it, the sim racing allows you to develop various skillset that can work in other disciplines of motorsports but you don’t just score a podium in every single season you’ve competed in, win a race in every version of car you’ve ever competed in, and if we’re being honest less preparation cuz he didn’t have the best kart/karting prep like other wealthy drivers up until mclaren decided to sponsor him and he got a podium right from his first race. (this may end up being long please bear with me😂)

(you could say well lewis didn’t gel with ground effect cars(hasn’t he?? or he hasn’t gelled with mercedes cars in the era) but yaa okay but with a generation of cars he doesn’t like he’s won 2 races, came 3rd overall last year behind the most dominant car in f1 history and 2022 was kind of an outlier; post ad21, mental side of not having a competitive car from the jump, whatever maybe i’ll give you that lmao)

this is a pointless argument of course😂 but like we’ve seen lewis on two wheels, we’ve seen him in a nascar, we’ve seen him in a fighter jet?? i can’t remember but he said he’s getting a piloting license or something, we’ve seen him with guns on his technically first try, i genuinely can’t believe people really think if he doesn’t put in the hours in other versions of motorsports he wouldn’t be good??😂 max lives and breathes racing but the more i talk about it the more i think it reinforces this quite frankly racist narrative that lewis isn’t as committed to racing and he just shows up with his natural talent in f1 and does the job. maybe i’ve gone on a tangent now but NOBODY IS JUST BORN TO RACE ONLY F1 CARS😂 sorry… my point is the fact that lewis doesn’t like or doesn’t talk about other motorsports doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be good at them. i find it hard to believe that people think someone who’s put in this much dedication and sacrifices into a sport and then excelled is not considered as one who can replicate it in another less or more version of the same sport.

(side note; it’s a less debatable conversation that charles leclerc is probably the fastest guy over a lap but you need to be not only be versatile but also adaptable and consistent to win multiple grand prix and a championship and then multiple championships so why??? WHYY??? do people think the guy with the most wins and championships can’t replicate this skill in other motorsports)

(and if we’re being serious about these hypotheticals based on nothing, the most versatile motorsport person is probably valentino rossi)

No offense but you're right it is a pointless argument. Lewis hasn't expressed interest in other series so genuinely who cares if he'd be good at something he's apparently not gonna do or not?

[coolwali]

Dream of a Space Timeline Split

This is a weird one

I had a dream last night. The dream was that a version of me went to space in a rocket ship and something bad happened. Apparently, he flew too close to a black hole or something and suffered from some serious time dilation (in the dream, this was referred to as a “perhexelion”). This caused a split in the timeline where 2 versions of me now exist at the same time in the present.  One was stuck in a time loop in space and had aged several years (referred to as “future me” ) and other existed on Earth before going on the rocket ship (referred to as “past me” or “POV me” since I was experiencing the dream from this version’s POV).

So from my POV, in my dream, I woke up, looked at the news and saw that a future verison of me had gone on a rocket ship to space, experienced time dilation/”perhexelion” and was now stuck in space/a time loop and was also older (so my dream has lore now lmao).

NASA had this cool telescope that they were using to show everyone future me’s predicament and was considering sending a rescue mission but were unsure if future me was even technically alive in the time loop.

The more surreal experience was seeing people on Reddit meme on Future Me’s predicament. A popular conspiracy theory was that future me was somehow responsible for the incident (I didn’t believe that but I had no proof to dispute it since I had no memories of what exactly happened to future me). Some people made memes like “lmao, imagine this guy being stuck in a time loop and getting older, probably hoping that when he gets rescued, he comes back several years later and is able to play GTA6 or TES6. Imagine how disappointed he’d be when he comes back to the present and learns no time had passed for us. So he got older and waited for nothing lmao”.

[charliechaotic]

ayup. gonna do some headcanon / writing requests for a specific set of au sanses, except its just gonna be my am versions, as kinda a way to develop it a bit :>

(note: esp for Cross/Backstab, I dont know what im doing! The others I have at least vague concepts of TvT)

Name references:

The Stars:

Ink -> Sketch, 'Squid'

Dream -> Solaria, 'Sunshine', 'Ria', 'Glowstick'

Swap -> Orion, 'Blue', 'Rigel'

The Bad Sanses/Nightmares Gang -> The Comets

Nightmare -> Lunaris, 'Luna'

Horror -> Butcher, 'Butch'

Killer -> Blade

Murder -> Fracture

Cross -> Backstab, 'Bax'

Error -> Terminal

NOTES!!

•Sketch is kindaaaa a manipulative bastard(sorry gang)

•Solaria is transfem! (also, was in stone 1000 years instead of 500, so the apple twins are older!)

•Orion is very freshly 16 years old, universe was destroyed, and is the current main target of Sketch's manipulation- cowabummer! (is aware of being a replacement.) Uhhh right also he isnt Technically a 'Sans'- Think of it like.. Au-ing an Au. He's from an AU of the Swap au? [also he may be my favorite] TRANS MASC !!

•Lunaris is very non nightmare- more dadmare core, really? Also, its the kinda thing where the corrupted and past version are kinda the same? Corrupted Lunaris has his memories, and isnt Quite the original, but he isnt some random dude. Think of the corruption even like his birthday ig?

•Butcher is also very dad core- He doesn't eat until he's made sure everyone else has- also, doesn't have a 'papyrus' / general brother character-

•Blade is like a goofy uncle kinda guy, def a prankster- Tends to go against Lunaris the most often

•Fracture doesn't speak too much, general keeps to himself- but when he does it's either a Lot, or something important to listen to- Also he's a major space and greek mythology nerd.

•Backstab uh. Doesn't have anything to him yet? I'll mostly base it off of fandom stuff I've seen of cross shdjej (gladlt accepting suggestions- my buddy helped start this stuff and he kinda has the role of Backstab but is hyperfixating on smth else rn 😔)

•Terminal is 16, and WAY less destructive than Error. He still destroys stuff, but 1. He's a kid, and 2. Once he joined The Comets he's kinda only destroyed stuff for when its needed for a job. (note: terminal i ALSO made by my other buddy, but I have a better hand of him) HUMAN RACIST!!(/hj) He is a BULLY to HUMANS ONLY!!

Also yeah these guys aren't skeletons anymore lmao- different kinda monster species that comes with the AM. Monsters are the ones with Soul traits in this too :> (Havent worked out who is what yet- Solaria is /Probably/ Kindness)

I have refs for everyone except Fracture and Backstab rn but theyre all done in gachalife2 except for like. one drawing ive done of Orion (literally done less than thirty minutes ago)

[youdontknowe]

And we’re back! I hope your vacation was good 💙

1. Oh no gold and purple on the walls is Dean and Sam this isn’t a fun nightmare or vision

2. Oh tall and thin makes me think death just cus I remember the show had a tall thin and old guy

3. It’s a good job death doesn’t want her cus her family would go insane I think. Especially Bobby

4. The sky is bugging me I need to knowwww (I can wait I just can’t decide what’s happening with the sky and what it is)

5. Dean my lovely

6. THE DANCE

7. LMAO why a condom in the icecream????

8. YESSSS three squeezes means I love you now!! Your right I do love this Chapter

9. Giggling at cas asking if the sarcasm landed

10. Oh damn heaven would weep is insane

11. Awwww is this the beginning of the unstoppable duo of angel and Magdalene

12. Cas likes bridges that’s very him

13. Of course she got Sam to use his lanky limbs to do the tall stuff

14. Bobby ‘I don’t know nothin’ singer. Also reading this after the last chapter of nll where she’s calling him names is so funny cus I can imagine the irl versions giggling over how different it is

15. NOT THE ICECREAM BACKFIRING

16. I just love the dad and daughter conversations maybe is my daddy issues but it’s very comforting

17. Immediately into the banter

18. Not bended and spread 💀 I thought they only did that in like jail and prison

19. Just *shoves mint into Bobby’s hands* and a list of instructions and a clueless father

20. More secure than Alcatraz but that place didn’t have warding so technically it IS more secure

21. Imagine Dean comes across the fantasies written down and she’s sweating watching Dean look at what he doesn’t even know is literally just porn about her wanting to be pounded into next week by him

22. every demon that’s described having a British accent I’m like CROWLEY????

23. IT IS HES HEREEEE

24. Sassy man apocalypse

25. California???

26. John when I catch you mf

27. Dean forcing himself into tight spaces even tho he didn’t fit to protect Sam 😭

28. A flower and one person - just throw the brick at me then/j

29. Omg he was only ten???? So sammys 6 and deans trying to prevent John from making a six year old do tight spaces on hunts. And he already thinks Sam’s smart awh

30. Deans too cute omg

31. OH that’s what’s in cali the boys

32. Sam gets hugged first cus she knows he wouldn’t get a proper hug if Dean goes first

33. I think I remember this being an episode in the show

34. Not her making a bet with an angel and bickering

35. The most wholesome bet ever and cas loves ice cream awhhhhhh

36. In law bonding time tomorrow if dean doesn’t last minute trade

37. That position of half sprawled over him is just the ultimate weakness for him rn

38. His love language really is acts of service meets gift giving cus he’s built her and car and now wants to build her a house

39. Cupid is so cute and I love how wholesome they kinda are like your literally poking the bear but your also so excited cus love

40. I wonder if her soul being part of his is making Dean less receptive to the famine

41. And it only occurred to me now that this is the first Dean has fully told Sam exactly how he feels

42. She really just gets into her safe space (his arms) and knocks out at any given opportunity

43. End note: I hope that fucker is like a corpse maraca when they so much as sleep in the same bed

44. Im so excited that Crowley has made an appearance eeeeeee

Chapter 24 - Just Hold On

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Author's Note: Huge chapter for fans of emotional whiplash, Dean's feelings, and Princess and Cas being creatures. Enjoy!

Chapter Title from Twin Skelton's (Hotel In NYC) by Fall Out Boy

Word Count: 19.1k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You try to keep it together, get an offer, and Dean learns something about himself. Usual Warnings.

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, angst, fluff, pining, action

Chapter 23 - Chapter 25

Read on A03!

It’s smiling at you. 

Everything is smiling at you, and you aren’t in control. There’s a hand on your neck—it might be your own—that’s strangling the Silver out of you, and you can’t feel the pain but only because you are far too big for anything like that.

You are everything. 

Your nails are digging into something strong and cold, and black and titanium, and you’re ripping it open as teeth—those aren’t yours—sink a level lower than your skin. You want to stop. You have to stop. You wish you knew how to fucking stop, but it’s right in front of you, and you’ve never been good at control, and-

There’s a laugh, echoing in your ear. There’s gold and purple stained on the walls. The air is thin, but you’re not sure you need it anymore. You just need it to be over. For everything to fall away because you’re so tired, and you’re not in control, and you want to go home.

If you were better—less than a plague, less than just a cancer twisting into whatever’s in your hold—you’d stop. You’d save the choir of souls that are hanging right over your head, forming a stained glass of a picture you recognize, but don’t remember. You’d look up and beg for their forgiveness, because you didn’t mean to. You never mean to. But you’re sick and wrong and you’re a little burrowed in everything, and the teeth in your neck were going to bite Dean- 

Dean.

He’s not here. 

But that’s his Gold. And the Spiderweb is going haywire around you—light dancing off the walls and bursting like a supernova—and you’re fucking everything, and where’s Dean-

The world shakes. It rattles, and all the souls above you let out a high moan, and there’s a soft, delicate hand that’s brushing the hair away from your face and asking ‘are you strong enough, little one? Are you bright enough to bring the rat home?’

You’re not sure. 

You still look at your hands, just to see. But all you find is Gold and pastel blue.

You’ve never been able to save either of them.

And the Sky is high over you, just a level past the souls howling for your attention. But it never does anything except fucking watch when you need it, and rip things in half when you’re trying to keep them. 

It hurts so fucking much. All of it. 

You just want to fucking go home. 

And the strong thing cleaves apart. 

The teeth—stained with blood and singing your name—crow like you’ve brought them a great gift. The hands on your face maybe turn to ash—or maybe they were never there at all—and in their wake is Gold. Shifting, strong Gold and pretty green eyes. You should be falling back into yourself, but the Dean before you isn’t real, so he can’t call you back home

And you can see it. 

Tall. Thin. 

Old. 

It looks old.  

Pale and hanging off of bones, smooth and quiet and content. None of it is trying to escape itself. It doesn’t seem all that interested in being here at all. It doesn’t run like a machine the way white-eyed demons do, and it isn’t humming with a neon power like an angel.

It just is.

And it doesn’t smile at you. It just tilts its head—not quite a head, more of a gentle, black shadow that looks like it should be hiding something, but isn’t—and holds your gaze.

It doesn’t really have a gaze. 

It’s really only mist, in its eyes—not eyes, more like dying stars that have chosen to remain in a stasis—but the mist is boring right into you, and you can’t move. 

You can’t look away.

But it’s not painful. There’s nothing wrong with it looking at you.

It’s not home. But it’s familiar. You might have known it your whole life, moving in its wake as it waited for you to find it, just so it could tell you this. 

No. 

You can’t hear it, but you can feel it in every dark space between the stars and under the dirt, in every decayed bit of life that’s pleading to be called back up. And it’s telling you it doesn’t want you. 

And when you frown at it, you can feel it. 

The power. 

And everything shatters apart. 

Your eyes fly open, but you can’t move. It’s almost paralyzation. Your body is still stuck in the nightmare, and your eyes are darting around but all you can see is the dark, and-

Dean. 

He’s here. He’s fine. Knocked out at your side and snoring into the pillow, his hand resting over yours and his knee bumping near your thigh. 

Slow breaths. Deep, slow breaths, and find what you can see. What you know is real, and not just another haunting terror. 

You’re real. And right now, you’re yours. The Silver is dormant, and the Spiderweb is a little wired, but with every rumbling snore from Dean it settles back down. The sheets are sticky from cold sweat, and Dean’s shirt is bunched uncomfortably on your back. There’s no light leaking from under the door, so it must be impossibly early. Dean’s shoulder still has the bandage from his last hunt, and he’d whined like a baby when you put it on, but still grinned at you the whole time. The book Sam brought you is open on your side-table, and when you manage to sit up, you can still see Dean’s name in Enochian, written in pen on your forearm. 

It’s only been a night. Nothing new has happened, and that wasn’t an omen or a vision, like Lucifer and the cage.

Only another nightmare. 

And it hurts so much. There’s all the usual pain, but then there’s also the noose that’s formed itself around your throat, and it’s made of Death. 

Death looked at you, and it didn’t want you. You raised him, and he told you no. And you don’t remember anything else but pain, and knowing that you’re something so horrible and sick and fucking wrong, that Pestilence calls you pure, and Death doesn’t want you.

It’s not like you can blame him.

You don’t really want you either. 

Dean says to wake him up, when this happens. That if he’s off dealing with apocalypse shit, you should call him or go get Bobby. If you’re drowning in it—in the blue on your fingers, or dying stars seeping into your soul, or all this fucking pain that’s not allowed to kill you, because Death doesn’t want you—then you need to get him or Bobby. If there’s something hollow that’s spreading over your chest, and it’s filled with winding, distorted colors that are calling for you, but you can’t seem to reach, that you can’t just curl up and try to wait it out. 

But he looks so peaceful. His mouth is parted slightly, and there are no lines in his brow of worry. No deep look his eye that reminds you that you’re just a fucking problem. That you’re making this harder for him, because he’d asked you to come home so he wouldn’t have to worry about you, but now he’s fucking worried anyway. He’s been texting you every day to make sure you’re eating, and when he’s home, he doesn’t move from your side.

You don’t deserve him. You’ve never deserved him. He’s always stronger than you’ve ever been, and he’s always too good to you, and he needs some rest. 

When you dare to trace your hand over his cheek, Dean mumbles something you can’t make out and leans into your touch. 

You’re not going to wake him up. 

But you can’t just stay here. Can’t just sit in the pain, or it’s going to shred you into ribbons that Dean will—for some reason—decide are worth braiding back together.  

You shuffle out of bed on unsteady feet, and Dean grunts, but doesn’t wake up. You’re moving quietly. Pulling on sweatpants—they’re a little too big, so likely Dean’s and not yours, but that’s better—and fumbling for a sweater and socks in your dresser.

You don’t bother with shoes, when you slip out of the door and down the stairs. 

The jagged sticks and rock below your feet help you anyways. 

You’re not sure where you’re going, as you walk through the yard. Not too far. You’d promised Dean you wouldn’t run, so you’re only wandering. Letting the cold wind and morning mist bite into your skin, until it starts to buzz with the relief of being numb. 

And you walk in circles—sharp rocks cutting into your feet, but no blood on the dirt behind you—before you end up at the usual place. 

The Impala is locked. Dean always locks it, because—even though Bobby’s yard has newer, better cars for people to steal—he’s careful. 

He’s always so careful. 

And Baby is covered in his Gold. She smells a little like him, too. Lingering cinnamon and leather, and it’s like a tiny haven you don’t deserve. A shield around you so that, when you lay on its hood, you’re not left alone with the Sky. 

Staring down at you, and doing nothing but watching.

“I hate you,” you whisper, and your voice is almost swallowed in the wind. “I fucking hate you. Leave me alone.”

It flashes, but it’s not in warning. It’s a reminder. 

It’s everywhere. You’re never going to escape it. And no matter how much you hate it, nothing will change. 

The Sky will keep watching. Waiting. 

And you’ll just keep growing sick.

You don’t know how long you lay here. Your fingers start to shake and the Sky blinks—now in warning, it doesn’t like when you damage it’s toy—but you just close your eyes. It hurts. Over all your nerves and sore in your gut, it fucking hurts-

“Son of a-“ Warmth wraps around you, and you squeeze your eyes tighter.

If you look at him, you’ll start crying. Again. And Dean doesn’t need that.

“Goddamnit, sweetheart.” He’s tugging you up, until your face is pressed right against his chest. “You’re fucking- How long have you been out here?“

You don’t answer. Your fingers just curl against his shirt—you don’t deserve to have him here, worried about you and holding you so close, but if he leaves you might split into a million fractures that scatter further than the universe—and the ache in your throat grows unbearable. You know you woke him up, and you made him come outside to get you, and you wish he’d just leave you alone, leave you to freeze into a glassy, perfect and docile statue of the monster that you are-

Dean mutters your name, and you shake your head. He’s keeping you wrapped in his jacket like you’re a baby kangaroo, and it’s so warm here. 

His chest heaves with a deep sigh, and your arms shoot around his torso. He can’t go. This can’t be the time he decides to leave you. You should let him—you’re not something that can be saved—but you need him to grab you before you fly away, and your head is swimming with too much pain and you’re so tired-

“It’s okay,” Dean murmurs, his lips brushing over your brow, and a weak sound escapes your throat as your eyes start to sting. “You’re okay, Princess. I’m here.”

You’re not okay. You can still see him staring at you. 

Death. 

Not greeting you like a friend, but something more. Something worse. 

But Dean’s here. And he’s slowly tugging you back, keeping you stuck to his chest as big hands frame your face. His thumb strokes down your nose as you collapse into his touch. The sting grows to a wet blur when you take a staggered breath, and drag your eyes open. 

He’s watching you, so carefully. Holding you the same. As if you might shatter under his touch, or turn to ash if he blinks wrong.

So fucking careful.

“You with me?” Dean’s voice is barely a rasp, still clogged with sleep and deepened from the cold, and you swallow down a sob. 

You did that. Made those lines on his brow appear with worry, make him wake up, made him come save you from drowning yourself.

And he’s more than Golden, in the fog of the slowly rising morning. He’s brighter than the Sky, and that odd, intangible thing his soul is made of is turning and glowing in the light.

Running through it, you can still see it. The shining, silvery river that’s always flowing inside him. That you wove there, and he’s never seemed to find it foreign. 

And that’s likely because Dean can’t see souls. Can’t know that there’s a parasite burrowed into him, can’t even feel it.

But you can lie to yourself a little.

Say he doesn’t fight against it because you’d never hurt him.

Just like you tell yourself that he’s in your orbit by choice, and not because you demanded his attention like a loud, feral beast. 

You’re only the beast to serve him. 

But you’d climb up to the Sky and lay yourself on its alter, if that served Dean. You’d bow your head and let yourself be put on a leash, if you knew he’d be safe. 

He’s still watching you. 

He asked you if you’re with him.

So you nod, and whisper the only thing you can think of.

“All the way down.”

Dean’s throat bobs, and you get a small nod as he tugs you a little closer, and tucks your head right back against his neck. 

“All the way down.” He murmurs, the sound from deep inside his chest and his heart beating right near your ear, and that’s all it takes. 

The first sob is soft, and muffled in Dean’s shirt. He still hears it. Still holds you tighter, instead of shoving you away and leaving you to erode alone. 

Maybe if he did, you’d grow into something better. A tall tree, that he could keep visiting, which would never hurt anyone again. You’d offer him shade in the summer and wood in the winter to keep him warm. And he could come back when he finds a better woman and marries her, and bring his future children to visit you, and you’d just be a tree, but you’d be Dean’s tree-

Your body is shaking with it, now. The pain, rolling out of you in heavy waves and clawing out of your throat.

“I-“ You sniff against Dean’s shirt, your nails digging into the muscle of his back. “I- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-“ Another sob wracks your body, and Dean’s arms tighten around you. “I’m sorry-“

“I know, ba- sweetheart. It’s okay-“

You shake your head—he doesn’t understand—and you’re not sure when your legs wrapped around his waist. You’re not strong enough to move them away. “I’m sorry-“

Dean shushes you, pressing another kiss to the top of your head, and then your face is back in his hands. His thumb pets down your nose once more until your breathing is even, and your tears dry out.

Baby. You know I love you, baby.

His gaze is driving straight into you. And you’re still sniffling and blurry eyed, but he only wipes your nose with his shirt, and lets out a long, heavy sigh.

“You wanna dance?”

You blink at him. “What?”

“Dance.” He mutters, his knuckles brushing the last lingering tear from your cheek. “You owe me one, Princess. C’mon.” 

Dean starts to tug you forward, but you’re just staring up at him with an open mouth. You’re not sure you heard him right. Or that this isn’t just another hazy dream. But you can feel his warmth, and his deep voice is so clear in the night air, so it has to be real.

You need it to be real.

You don’t think you’ll be able to manage waking up and replaying this whole scene all over again like a cruel joke-

He sighs and bends down, holding your gaze with a slight frown. “Sweetheart, I can carry you if you need, but you gotta work with me-“

“Sorry.” Your voice even sounds fucking weak. “I- I don’t know what- You-“

“I’m asking you to dance with me,” Dean says your name, his voice low and soft, and your lips pull into what might be a pout. “Please.”

You couldn’t say not to him if you wanted to. And your nod is tiny, but Dean still sees it, and a grin you don’t deserve splits his handsome face. 

And you can’t stop yourself. From reaching up and tracing his jaw, feeling the slightly prickle of stubble against your skin, and knowing he’s real. Golden and alive and—despite all reason—here with you.

But reason has never been either of your strong suits. And knowing you should shove him away and scream for him to just let you go, it would be so much fucking easier for everyone if Dean would just let you go, doesn’t help you at all. 

So you let him help you to your feet and guide you inside, Dean’s hand on your lower back quickly turning into you stumbling a single step, and him hauling you up into his arms. 

“I-“ He clears his throat as you climb back upstairs, his gaze fixed ahead. “Got that honey-cereal thing you like. When I went out with Sammy last night.”

You hum, letting your fingers play with the collar of his shirt. It’s better than scratching at your own skin. “Did the bar have a grocery aisle?”

“Nah.”

“So you just… Found it?”

Dean rolls his eyes, his lips twitching slightly. “Saw it at the gas station. There’s a pack of root beer’s waiting for you, too. Just don’t touch the strawberry ice cream. Hid a condom in there.”

“You- Why?”

“Don’t worry, Princess, it’s for Sam.”

“I think that’s more worrying-“

“Shut up.” Dean kicks open the door, poking your rib slightly and grinning at your small squeak. “He found a blonde chick last night that seemed pretty into his whole wet puppy thing. I’m trying to make sure he stays safe.”

You give him a flat look. “With an ice cream condom.”

“Yep.” He slowly sets you down to your feet, but doesn’t make a single move to pull away. “It’ll remind him.”

“I don’t think it will-“

“Well, sweetheart.” Dean grins down at you, his arm slipping down to hold your hip, and you swallow. “Good thing you don’t need to worry about it. If Sammy gets himself knocked up, I’m not lettin’ him dump the baby on us.��

You giggle, dropping your face into his chest, and you know what he’s doing. He always does it so well, until the pain is there, but faded slightly. Only a drum of your heartbeat—a little heavier than usual—and a pressure in your lungs that gets lighter with Dean’s every word. Your fingers are still tingling from the cold, but you can feel it when Dean takes your hand and tugs you fully against him. Your knees are okay, but you’re not worried about them giving out. 

Dean’s here. 

He’s got you. 

“I- Uh-“ Dean sighs, and you look up at his almost nervous expression. “I don’t know if you want music, but- uh- I don’t have any-“

“You have a phone, De.”

“For calling people.” He grumbles. “Not music.”

You giggle again, not bothering to hide your smile. “You are going to make an excellent old man one day.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m an idiot-“

“I didn’t say that.”

“You were thinking it-“

“No. I wasn’t.”

Your words are quick, a small frown on your face, and Dean raises his brows. “You got something you want to tell me, Princess?”

You sigh, resting your brow on his shoulder, and Dean starts to sway you back and forth. 

The dancing. 

You’re dancing. With Dean. And it’s less dancing and more letting Dean move you around in silence, but it has the same effect.

You’re a little dizzy.

A little drunk on the smell of him and the Gold that’s flowing all over you.

And the silence means to you can hear his breathing. Steady and slow and almost in time with your own, making you come down, down, down. 

Back to Dean.

Always back to Dean.

“You’re not dumb.” You mumble against him, your free hand digging into his shirt. “You’re the smartest person I know.”

“Pretty sure you know yourself, sweetheart-“

“I’m serious.” You snap, pulling back to hold his gaze. “You are not dumb, Winchester. You’re the only reason I even know what I am.”

He frowns. “That’s-“

“You figured out I was mistranslating the Enochian in my head. I only asked Cas to look into the Magdalene’s because you gave me the idea.”

“You would have figured that out yourself-“

“It had never even occurred to me.”

Dean jaw ticks, his gaze locked onto yours, and you’re still dancing. He’s so close. His hair is mussed from sleep, his lips slightly swollen from the same, and it’s a good thing he’s got you. You might have fallen too far into him, otherwise. Dragged him down, until you were both on the floor and you’re straddling his abdomen, trying to show him. Prove that it hurts, so much, all the time, but you love him.

That even when you thought Dean was something that hurt, it was only because you didn’t get to have him at all.

And, for better or worse, he’s here now. 

You’re not allowed to say you love him. Not allowed to show it. 

But Dean’s hand squeezes yours once—checking in—and you squeeze it back three times. 

It means I love you, now. 

He just doesn’t get to know that. 

“We’ll see if I make it long enough to be an old man,” Dean hums, and you blink. 

He’s trying to divert the conversation. And you don’t want to let him, but he just keeps talking.

“And I’d get one of those iPod thingys, but they’re a million freakin’ bucks. I’m not made of money, sweetheart.”

You let out a slow breath, press your cheek back to his chest. Tonight, you’ll let him have it. “I could get you one. For your birthday.”

“You even know when my birthday is-“

“January 24th.” You mumble. “Eighteen days away.”

You could swear you hear is heart stutter. “Ah. We’ve, uh- I didn’t think I told you that-“

“Think again, Winchester.” Sam had told you.  

“You don’t have to get me anything-“

“Yes I do.”

Dean mutters your name, and you lean back with a glare. 

“I have a whole untapped credit card to burn, Deano. Watch your fucking back.”

He’s still frowning. “But-“

“Shut up.”

A smile tugs at his lips. “So bossy.”

“Dean-“

“Alright, alright.” Dean chuckles, and you yelp as suddenly he’s twirling you around, then pulling you right back into his chest. “Whatever you want, Princess.”

You. The Spiderweb sings as you gape at him. I just fucking want you, Dean. 

But you’re not allowed to say it.

So you hum, and let Dean keep swaying you in the silence. Your eyes are getting heavy again, and you can feel sleep creeping up the corner of your vision, even as sunlight starts to leak through the window. 

You still don’t want this to end. 

“You getting tired, sweetheart?”

“No.” You grumble, moving your free arm to hook around Dean’s neck. “Shut up.”

His laugh is low and deep and right in your ear. “I don’t know, you sound kinda tired-“

“‘M gonna stab you.”

“Okay, Sleeping Beauty. Let’s get you to bed.”

You shake your head, even as Dean pulls you up to his chest and you fold right against him. “De?”

He grunts, and you swallow, the sting of tears building back up behind your eyes. He’s so good. Strong and resilient and careful, and all you do is make him lose sleep, but he’s still carrying you to bed.

“I’m sorry.”

Dean sighs, and you feel his lip brush over your collarbone as he speaks. “I know, ba- Princess.”

You mumble something even you don’t understand as he sets you back in bed, and grab his hands when they cup your face. 

“I need you to promise you’re gonna call me.” He mutters your name, and your lashes flutter as you try to hold his gaze. “I’ve gotta go with Sammy in a few hours, we’ve got a case in a nuthouse to take care of. We’re gonna use that truth-telling thing you did in-“ He cuts himself off, and you know why. 

He’s trying not to remind you of San Francisco. 

It’s sweet.

But it’s still going to hang over your head like a blade. You’re never not aware of it. 

That’s how you ended up here in the first place. 

“De-“

“We’ll only be gone a week, and I’m not gonna have my phone, but I’ll call you from the hospital line. And if start getting the urge to do something stupid, call it like crazy and don’t stop until they let me talk to you.” He’s frowning, his grip tightening slightly against you. “Please. I- Even it’s the middle of the fucking night, just call-“

“Okay.” You breathe out, settling down into the pillows. You’re too tired to argue anyway. “I will.”

Dean nods slowly, then raises his hand between your bodies. 

Your pinky locks with his fast, and he leans forward to press a kiss to your brow as the hand still on your face strokes a line down your nose. 

You let out a soft sigh, and Dean might be saying something, but you can’t really hear it. 

It’s just Dean. 

It’s always just Dean. 

And you sleep dreamlessly, through the morning, and into the afternoon. 

Your days are a little more flexible now. In the weeks since San Francisco, you haven’t been hunting. And the nights like these keep you from Bobby’s hunter fever, because you know.

It’s safer for you to be benched right now. Safer for everyone.

You’d raised Death. You’re not sure how you did it, but you hadn’t needed Cas to tell you that’s what happened. You, with only pain and grief and the Silver, had raised Death for Lucifer. And nobody is pissed at you about it—a bitter, raw part of you really wishes they would be—but they all agree you’re most useful on book duty right now. Trying to figure out where Death might be, helping Sam and Dean with easier cases over the phone, using your spare time to try and transcribe everything you can about the Magdalene’s onto paper. 

You’d called Cas around midnight a week ago, when you were alone. Prayed to him carefully—just in case Gabriel was on the line again—and barely flinched when you’d heard his voice behind you.

“Dean says I am supposed to insist that you sleep,” he’d said as you turned around. “If you call me at night.”

You’d rolled your eyes. “Dean is dramatic. I’m fine.”

Cas’ head had tilted slightly. “Yes. You seem fine.”

“Was that…” You blinked at him. “Sarcasm?”

“An attempt at it, yes. Did it land?”

“Sure.”

“Good.” Cas had paused, still holding your gaze. “You do not seem fine, to be clear. You are… very bright.”

You’d scowled, rubbing at your wrists. “I thought I was supposed to be bright.”

“You are. It is just… Distressing.”

“Distressing? I’m distressing?”

Cas had nodded slowly. “There is a commercial Dean showed me. Where a dog dies, and it makes the other humans very sad. This is similar.”

You’d blinked at him. “So I’m a dog?”

“You are in pain. And it is distressing. To me.” Cas’ frown had deepened. “I can hear it. If you were not hiding yourself from my brethren, they would likely feel it to. Heaven would weep.”

“Oh.” You’d swallowed. “Sorry.”

Cas had shrugged. “Are you going to go to sleep now? Dean was very clear that you should either go rest, or call him-“

“Dean can shove it.” You’d kept your voice flat, even as the Spiderweb had howled at just the sound of his name. “I need to talk to you. I- I have some questions.”

Cas had paused, and you’d sighed. 

“You did your job, Cas. I’ll go to bed after we talk.”

“Alright.” He’d nodded slowly. “What are your questions.”

You’d let out a slow breath, watching him carefully. “You want some ice cream?”

“Is that your question-“

“No. Do you?”

Cas had blinked at you for a second. “I have never had ice cream.”

“Well, let’s fix that.” You’d turned around, calling over your shoulder as you opened the door. “I think we’ve got strawberry and chocolate. You’ll love it.”

Cas had loved it. You’d sat in dark, letting Cas devour the whole bowl, then the chocolate carton as you turned your questions over in your head. You’ve been trying to track Ellen’s soul, but it’s as if she’s vanished off the face of the Earth. It’s not worth asking Cas about that, though, given the whole cut off from Heaven thing. And if none of Bobby’s hunter contacts know anything, she doesn’t want to be found. 

You’ve still been searching though. If only to find Her and say I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have left, I should have saved Jo, I’m sorry and if you hate me, I understand, but just know that I’m so fucking sorry- 

“You haven’t asked me your questions.” Cas had cut through your thoughts, and you’d sighed. 

“It’s- You might not have anything. And it might be nothing all, but-“

Cas had said your name carefully, and you’d rushed out the rest of the sentence. 

“I found this thing about Men of God, and I’m not sure what it means, and I- Angels are of God. So-“ You’d let out a heavy breath. “Yeah.”

Cas had stared at you for a long moment, then shaken his head. “I have never heard that phrase before. Was it in Enochian?”

You’d shaken your head. “I heard it. In English. From, uh- Lilith, Alistair, and Anna.”

“Anna?”

You’d nodded, and Cas had sighed. 

“She was of a higher rank than I, in Heaven. And Alistair and Lilith were very old demons, both of whom seemed to be aware of you, but- I’m sorry. I don’t know what men of god are.”

“Alright.” It had been a long shot anyway. “I-“

“I can look, though.” Cas had jumped over you, and you’d blinked at him. “If you wish it. It might be able to help with my search.”

“Yeah, uh- Sure. Thanks.” You’d poked your ice cream—now only soup—with your spoon. “How’s the God search going, by the way?”

“Not well. There is… A lot of Earth.”

You’d snorted. “Yeah. Small, big planet.”

Cas had frowned. “Those are antonyms-“

“It’s a dialectic. Contradictory things that are both true.”

“Ah.” Cas had tilted his head at you. “I am sorry. That you have not been able to see it.”

“I’ve seen more of it than Sam and Dean.”

“Maybe. But there is- You are not Sam and Dean.”

You’d blinked at him. “What?“

“Dean told me what Anna said.” He’d murmured. “That your name is written in parts of Heaven I have not seen. And it does not seem to only be Heaven.”

“I-“

“May I ask you a question?”

You’d frowned, but nodded, and Cas had leaned forward. 

“What do you love? Of what this species has created?”

“Humans?”

Cas had nodded, and you’d rubbed your palm as you thought. 

“I- I don’t know. I don’t really think about it. But maybe- Nothing?”

Cas had frowned and opened his mouth, and you’d shaken your head. 

“No, not nothing. Just- Nothing.” You’d sighed. “Nothing that we’ve created. I’ve never been happy because of something. Like I-“ You’d let out a long, slow breath. “You know my knife?”

“The one you keep in your jacket.”

“Yeah, that. It’s- Dean gave it to me. And I love my flask because Bobby gave it to me. And I- I don’t care about the thing itself. I just- I love other people. And the things we do for each other.”

That had been pure fucking nonsense. You’d known it.

But Cas had nodded slowly. 

“I… believe I like that too.”

His attention had returned to his ice cream, and before you could push about the written in Heaven thing, he was talking about how he was fond of bridges.

And you’d remained benched. Researching and spending most days with Bobby, then trying not to smile like an idiot and kiss Dean’s big, stupid and pretty face whenever he came back. 

No demons knock at the door, but Lucifer might be keeping them on a leash. The angels are still after you, but the only reason they haven’t landed on Bobby’s roof to rip you away is because you warded the place to Hell. Four sleepless nights, utilizing Sam’s longer arms to get the ceilings and serval calls to Cas—Dean scowling in the corner and muttering that he’s surrounded by crazy—and Bobby’s house might be the most secure building in the country. 

So you read, and write, and pass the time trying to just get through it. 

You will.

You always do.

When you wake up there’s a glass of water on your dresser, paired with a little paper note folded beneath it.

Nuthouse is in Alabama. Sammy thinks it’ll take five days, so with the drive we’ll be back next Friday. Call tonight, then when we get there - DW

You smile, and tuck the note into your pocket. Maybe you can track down Ketch and demand he give you the first note back—or search all Mexico until you find it floating on the wind—so you can start a shrine. Even the paper has a little Gold on it. And Dean added a little smiley face that he scribbled out at the bottom, and he’s the most adorable thing on the planet, and you love him. 

It might be written all over your face, when you walk downstairs. There’s no other reason for Bobby to roll his eyes at the sight of you.

You stick your tongue out at him, but you’re not doing yourself any favors when you shuffle over to the coffee machine, and see that there’s extra left. Made with your grounds, and the cereal box waiting out for you.

A stupid, wide smile overtakes your face, and Bobby sighs. 

“You look drunk, kiddo.”

“I don’t drink-“

“Wish you did.” He mutters. “Maybe it would give you the balls to tell that idjit you like him back.”

You flip him off over your shoulder—this isn’t a useful conversation to have right now—and focus on the cereal. Dean even cleaned your mug and left it out on the counter, right next to an empty bowl and spoon. And if it were anyone else you’d be pissed about it. About the coddling and gentle treatment, like you’re just a little girl. Like you can’t carve your way through demons with only a knife, or kill monsters with nothing but your head and hands. 

But it’s Dean. 

“You know about this case they got?” Bobby asks as you drop across from him, and you shrug. 

“Dean said it was in psych ward last night. I think they’re going to try and get into it. But that’s all.”

Bobby raises his brows. “You’d already gone to sleep when Sam got the case.”

You sigh, giving him a flat look. “You know Dean and I sleep in the same bed, Bobby.”

“I don’t know shit.” Bobby holds your gaze. “Far as I was aware, you were just sleepin’, not having, uh- Pillow talk-“

“Jesus Christ, it’s not- We don’t-“

“I’ve told you, I ain’t gonna judge if ya are, long as you’re both aware of what’s goin’ on-“

“Bobby-“

“And you’re bein’ safe!” He runs a hand over his face. “I mean, if it comes to it, I’ll help ya, but now ain’t the time to be caring for a-“

“No.” You cover your ears with your hands. “Nope. It’s- We’re not even- Why would you-“

“Found a condom in my ice cream this mornin’.” Bobby shrugs. “Wanted to tell you that’s just gonna make it useless.”

Your face might be burning, and you glare at the cereal in the hope Dean can feel it, even halfway across the country. “Great. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.“ There’s a long pause, and then- “You can do a hell of a lot worse than Dean, kiddo. And he’s fuckin’ dedicated to ya-“

“Bobby.” You poke at the lingering cereal, floating around in the milk. “Please.”

Bobby grunts your name, and you shake your head. 

“We’re not sleeping together. Or dating. Or-“ You swallow, unable to finish the sentence, and Bobby sighs.

“You remember when you were nine, and I took you out to that safe house I got, in Alexandria?”

You nod, and Bobby clears his throat. 

“Was supposed to be a break. I’d had a rough hunt with a wolf, and you’d been havin’ those nightmares where you’d wake up screamin’ that someone was watchin’ you. But I’d brought the boys up there, month before that. Your magic thingy had started gettin’ out of hand, and John was gonna drop them with me for the week, but I wasn’t about to have you runnin’ to Rufus’ when you were freakin’ out about how the lamps were tired and the walls were gettin’ sore.”

“Rufus stayed with me.” You mutter. “He brought me new crayons, watched soccer, and told me to draw whatever I was seeing. Then you came back and said you were glad I asked about monsters and not math.”

“Sam spent the whole week talkin’ my ear off about fractions.” Bobby mutters. “And you gave me one of those drawings. Drew me green and the grass gold. When I asked you why, you said cause you’re green, and I like grass.”

You swallow, dropping your gaze back to your hands, and Bobby pushes on.

“I keep that in my desk. With all your other…”

“Crazy shit?”

He chuckles. “Sure. But the point I was tryin’ to make is that I brought you up to Alexandria, but I’d forgotten to clear it out. Some of Dean’s shit was still lyin’ around, and you were goddamn fascinated by it. Few of those old movies he loves, car magazine he’d grabbed from a library, and a bunch of candy he’d nicked for Sam. Think that was the first time you ate candy. Your eyes got real wide, and you asked if there were other things that tasted like it. Then you watched all the movies three times, and asked me to bring you more of ‘em.”

The world is blurring a little again. “All you could find was Indiana Jones.”

“Yep. Got you that, and a root beer float, and you never fuckin’ looked back.”

“Bobby.” You don’t want to look at him. To see what you know, written all over his face. “I- I don’t- I can’t-“

“I know you can’t, kiddo.” Bobby lets out a long, slow sigh. “All I’m tellin’ you is that whatever the hell you two got goin’ on, it’s not new. You wanted that boy since before you even knew him.”

“I-“

“You don’t gotta do anythin’ about it. But if you think it’s nothin’, it’s not. I still remember Dean bein’ twelve and askin’ me why that blanket you kept on the couch smelled good. And he’s a dumbass, but he’s good for you.”

“He’s not a dumbass.” You mumble, and you don’t care if it’s not helping your case. You still have to say it. 

Bobby only sighs. “I know he ain’t. But he can be. Just like you.”

You give a tiny nod, and keep your eyes fixed on your fingers. You’re picking at them again. “Can we please talk about something else.”

“You hear me? ‘Bout Dean?”

You nod, and hear Bobby let out a slow breath. 

“Okay, then. What’d you wanna talk about.”

“Uh- How’s the hunt going for Death-“

“Same as it was last night.” 

Your glare shoots up, and Bobby gives you a small, dry grin.

“Finish your breakfast, kiddo. Then we’ll talk Armageddon.”

You sigh, but listen. 

And the hunt for Death isn’t really making progress. Wherever Lucifer sent him, it’s not for television appearances. Most of the day is spent playing the news in the background in hopes of blatant omens. 

You won’t be useless. You might not be allowed to hunt, and you might lose Dean sleep by wandering out in the dead of night, but you won’t be useless. You won’t start screaming about Death in the middle of the night and make it Bobby’s problem. You’ll go sit on your bed and work on what you do best. 

Weird things.

New spells and rituals, trying to resketch that map of Heaven, ideas for how to help Bobby or find Ellen. Through the whole night, ignoring when your eyes go dry and you can feel your teeth, because you won’t be useless.

True to his word, you get a call from an unknown number the next morning. Early the next morning. Your phone buzzing before the sky has even started to lighten, starting your attention away from the notes in your lap.

“Dean?” You pick up in a second, and he laughs from the other side. 

“You know, one day you’re gonna pick up the phone and it’s gonna be the feds. Then you’ll have some explaining to do, Princess.”

You sigh, tipping your head back and smiling at the ceiling. "The feds don’t know who I am, De. Some of us are good at our jobs.”

“Hey, I’m good at my job. I got me and Sammy into this psych ward, didn’t I?”

“You did.” Your smile grows. “With my strategy.”

“Shit.” Dean mutters, and you let out a soft giggle. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“Nope.” You pause, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

Dean’s shirt. 

Dean’s shirt that you’re wearing, because you’re an idiot who misses him and loves him and wants him all the time. 

“I, um,” You swallow. “Are you there? And safe?”

You can hear him sigh through the phone. “Yeah. We’re safe. I mean, we got full bended and spread, but we’re safe.”

“Bended and-“

“Medical exam.” He grumbles, and you can almost see his sour expression. “It don’t know what the hell my ass has got to do with being bananas, but they still had to take a look.”

“Oh.” You flush, and force it to stay out of your voice. “That’s, um- Did it hurt?”

“Nah. It was fine. I-“ Dean cuts himself off, his voice dropping slightly when he continues. “Princess.”

Your flush is spreading. Growing hot between your legs. “Yeah?”

“Why the hell are you up right now.”

“You’re up-“

“I snuck out to leave you a voicemail so you had the number.” He snaps. “I didn’t think you’d actually be awake. Go back to sleep-“

“I never went to sleep.” You raise your voice over his, your knees drawing up to your chest. “I- I can’t.”

The line is only static for another second, then Dean clears his throat. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay. You haven’t been-“

“I’ve been writing.” You whisper, turning one of your notes in your hand. “And thinking. But that’s it.”

“Good.” Dean mutters, and you hear a rustle through the speaker. He might be rubbing his face. “I can try and stay on the line with you, b- sweetheart, but if they catch me, I lose pudding privileges.”

You smile softly at the air. “Woe is you, Deano. I-“

“It ain’t that bad.” Dean speaks over you before you can convince him to hang up. “All they got is butterscotch.”

“Wow. Woe really is you.”

He chuckles. “You have no idea, Princess. You want me to stay?”

“Yes.” Your grip tightens on the phone. Like you can force his voice to stay with you.  Please.”

“Alright, then. I had a great fucking milkshake on the road. Tasted like mint.”

“Dean, you hate mint-“

“I hate toothpaste. The, uh- sharp kinda mint-

“Spearmint?”

“Yeah. That. This was better than that. I’ll take you sometimes. If you- Uh, if you’d like.”

You smile into the air.  “I’d like.”

“Good.” Dean coughs. “Sammy got a salad. Fucking health freak.”

You giggle, and stay on the phone until you blink, and realize the sun has long risen back into the sky, and you’re slumped across the mattress to Dean’s side of the bed. 

He’s fine. The first thing Bobby tells you when you get downstairs is that Sam called that morning, saying they think they’re hunting a wraith and nothing else. If Dean was in trouble, Sam would mention it. 

“Bobby.”

He grunts, and you push one of your papers across the table. 

“Can you read that?”

“The Enochian?” He gives you a flat look. “No.”

“Not that.” You tap the bottom of the page. “That.”

Bobby sighs, and frowns at the paper. “Congelo.”

“Great. Now take this,” you shove a fistful of mint into his hands. “And keep it in your pocket.”

“In my-“ Bobby say your name with an incredulous expression. “What the hell are you talkin’ about-“

“It’s a defense.” Your tone is almost frantic. You can’t help it. “If you eat the mint and then say congelo, then everything within a ten-foot radius will freeze. I tried to keep it as simple as possible, but we’re going to have to up the salt in your diet and get you some pebbles to throw over your shoulder. And you, uh- You’ll have to keep the house about five degrees colder-“

“Kiddo, I ain’t doin’ any of that.”

“It’s not forever! It’s-“ You grab another fistful of notes, shoving them forward as if Bobby could read a single word. “It’s just until I figure out how to heal you-“

“No.” Bobby shakes his head, and you frown.

“But-“

“No. I don’t want you wastin’ your time on me.”

Your brows knit tight, and you scowl. “It’s not wasting time, Bobby-“

“It is if you’re lookin’ for ways to get me out of this chair instead of stop Lucifer.” He snaps. “I ain’t gonna lie and say I’m happy with this agreement, but I sure as shit ain’t putting myself before the damn world.”

“What if I want to put you first-“

“Then you need to remember that there’s no me, no anybody, if there ain’t world.”

You shake your head, your words growing strained. “What- What if something attacks you, Bobby. What if I’m not here and a demon gets to you again, and you can’t get to your shotgun. Then that’s three people that I could have helped, but I failed-“

“Hey.” Bobby grunts your name, and you take a slow, slightly shaking breath. “Breath. I got a piston on me, I keep extra guns places in this house that would shock ya’, and I know my exorcisms.”

“But-“

“If we’re bein’ honest, kiddo, my life expectancy is probably doubled in this chair. You’ve made this place more secure than fuckin’ Alcatraz. I’ll be fine.”

You take a heavy breath, your voice dropping under your breath. “People escaped from Alcatraz.”

“Yeah, three dumbasses who got themselves drowned.” Bobby sighs your name, rubbing his beard. “I’ll be alright kiddo. I got you lookin’ out for me, and if it makes you feel better, I’ll keep the damn mint. But I ain’t doin’ all the other stuff.”

You’ll take it. Just to give yourself a false sense of comfort, you’ll take it. 

But it doesn’t help you sleep better. And the pain still crushes your lungs in the dead of night, but you don’t call Dean. He’s working. He needs the sleep too. 

You’d promised you’d call him, if you were going to do something stupid. But you’re not. Every time you want to go outside and scream at the Sky until your voice is gone and your skin is frostbitten, you just keep writing under your hand cramps. It’s not even spells anymore. It’s Dean’s name in Enochian, a record of things you did that day, a bunch of fantasies you’re never going to speak aloud—that part comes with your hand between your thighs and a small gasp that sounds a lot like Dean—and a list of ideas for Dean’s birthday. 

But it still hurts. 

And you can’t just sit in it. 

You take the knife and the Blade, as you slide out the door. You won’t need them—anything that can really hurt you will trigger the Silver, and then it’s everybody’s problem—but it will be good to have a defense in the morning, when Bobby asks what the hell you were thinking, sneaking of in the middle of the night. You brought a weapon. Everything was fine. 

It isn’t.

Not really.

And you’re not really sure where you’re going. For a second, you’re driving the Firebird to the trail, ready to hike to the waterfall and see Jo—hiking at night might be a dumb idea, but animals tend to like you, and you do have your knife—but you’re not ready. 

You can’t do it alone. 

So you turn around, and end up at a bar. It’s the one Sam and Dean always go to. And you’ll always refuse Dean’s invitation, because they’re going to be drinking and you don’t want to be a bummer. The stick in the mud loser who can’t play pool, won’t drink, and is clinging to Dean’s side, stopping him from getting laid.

Sam had said Dean doesn’t look to get laid anymore.

That doesn’t mean he’d turn down an offer.

You try not to think about it. 

But there’s still the fucking fantasy. Where you do go the bar with them, Dean’s only looking at you. Grinning at you and ordering you a Shirley Temple before guiding you to the pool table with his hand on your lower back, and talking to you through the whole game. Then he wanders over to your stool and stand between your legs, smirking at you before pulls you into a long, deep kiss-

“Are you waiting for someone, darling?”

You blink at the voice from your left—you’ve been staring at your eggnog for maybe twenty minutes—and nod. “Yeah, my boyfriend.”

The voice hums, and your skin crawls. It’s British, and all you can think of is Ketch. “Some boyfriend he is, leaving a lovely thing like you hanging.”

“He’s not leaving me hanging.” You shrug. “He’s a mechanic and I make him shower before he joins me. And I’m really not looking for company, so-“ You turn to look at Mr. British, and your words die in your throat. “Fuck.”

The demon is seeping and sticky and smooth. Blood red.

Crossroads demon. 

His vessel is shorter, dressed on all black with a clean beard. 

Easy body to hide.

You reach for your knife, and the demon just sighs.

“Don’t do that.” He tilts his head to your hand, and you scowl.

“Shucks, buddy, you don’t really get a say-“

“I am not here to hurt you.” He hums, taking a slow sip of his own drink. “No fun in that.”

You pause. The Silver isn’t rising anymore, but it’s not going back down either. Just humming in static. Waiting.

You don’t pull out the Blade, but you don’t move your hand, either. “No fun?”

“God, no.” The demons turns to face you with a smirk. “If I’m being self-aware, no point in trying, either. I’ve seen the news. As far as I recall, San Francisco never had hospital that looked like a hanging garden. Not until you visited it, anyway.”

The Silver flares slightly at that, and your words are pushed through your teeth. “What do you want.”

The demon laughs. “Think I’d rather introduce myself first, actually.” He extends a hand, his smirk growing. “I already know who you are,” he says your name, and you sit a little taller. “But I’m afraid I missed you, when your two handsome buffoons gave me a gentlemanly call. Crowley, King of the Crossroads, anti-Lucifer demon.”

Fuck. 

You’re staring at him, trying to weigh the merits of stabbing him and running. If one demon found you, others could find you. And even if Crowley is—as he very pointedly said—against Lucifer, that doesn’t mean other demons won’t find you and call Lucifer-

“What’s wrong?” Crowley cuts through your cold panic, his brows raised. “Not a toucher?”

His hand.

You’re not going to shake it.

“You didn’t answer my question.” You say, pulling your hand out of your jacket. “What do you want.”

“Well, if we’re skipping formalities,” Crowley withdraws his hand, and his smirk grows. “I want to make a deal.”

“No.”

He sighs. “You haven’t heard my offer yet, you can’t just say no-“

“Yes, I can. No.”

“You are-“ He scowls, scanning over you carefully. “I’m not asking for your soul, darling. This isn’t another Dean’s got a year situation.”

You narrow your eyes, the Silver flaring slightly. “I’m still not interested.”

“Yes, because you don’t know what I’m offering-“

“I don’t care-“

“You will.” His grin returns in full force, wide and snake-like. “Because I can give you Death.”

The Silver flares again. Still too deep in your body to be dangerous, but brighter. You can feel how cold your glass is, from the ice in your drink. “Death.”

“That’s right.” He hums. “And since I can’t take your soul, all you’d owe me is one little favor.”

One favor. 

Death, for one favor. 

You’re not a fucking idiot. And Crowley might have played nice with Sam and Dean, but he’s still a demon. Still smiling at you from inside the vessel, hideous and crude and bloody. 

But Death.

You could fix your mistake. You could make it better.

Dean told you not to do anything stupid. 

“I know you have no reason to trust me,” Crowley says, before you can even open your mouth. “But I promise. I don’t break my deals, and I am very much in favor of a world without the Devil. He doesn’t even do any of the real work. Made us govern ourselves for years, he’s barely more than a figurehead.”

You frown, and speak before you can stop yourself. “Why are you British?”

He rolls his eyes. “Why are you American?”

“Touché.” You sigh and rub your thumb over your palm. “I-“

Crowley shakes his head. “Don’t answer yet. Sleep on it. And if you need proof of my allegiances,” Crowley leans forward, holding your gaze. “So I can offer you a step forward. For free.”

“Offer me- A step forward.” Your eyes narrow. “Why would you do that?”

“Call it an investment. I’ve been told some interesting things about you,” he drawls your name with a small shrug. “And while I’m not looking for friends, I’d have to be a fool to be on the bad side of the girl who kills angels and raised Death.”

“What’s a step forward-“

“You’ll have to find that out yourself, I’m afraid. But I promise I’m good on my word.”

You swallow, the Silver twisting in your body. “And it’s… free.”

Crowley nods, his grin never dropping. “As long as you promise to think about my real offer, yes. It is free.”

And Dean told you not to do anything stupid. 

But thinking about it doesn’t mean you have to do it.

“Fine.” You lean forward, holding Crowley’s gaze, and his smirk grows. “I’ll think about it. Promise. Your turn.”

“Los Angeles, California. See what you find.”

You open your mouth to push, but before you can, Crowley snaps his fingers. And he’s gone. 

Fuck.

——————   

“Dean.” Dad grunted, and Dean’s sat up. 

If Dad needed him, he always had to sit up. Look ready. Prove that he was listening, and that he would be worthy of whatever was needed. The kiddie gun Dad let him keep was in his pants. He couldn’t get into smaller spaces anymore, but he could strong-arm them open. Or just force himself into them, so Sammy didn’t have to. 

Whatever it was, Dean would do it. He could do it. He always did it, and it hurt sometimes, but he was being fucking useful, so-

“Take these.” Dad muttered, passing a pair of scissors into Dean’s hand. “Go inside, cut some cloth, then come out. Anyone ask you what you’re doin’, you pretend you’re dull in the head. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” 

Dean didn’t understand. But he knew better than to tell Dad that. Then Dad would just give the scissors to Sammy, and while Dean could play stupid, Sammy couldn’t. Kid didn’t know how. He’d just freak out about getting caught and start making up frantic excuses until they were screwed.

But Dean could play stupid. He was good at it, too. And he’d figure out what Dad wanted. 

Get cloth. 

That couldn’t be too hard.

Dad had parked around the back of the Church. Out of the view of the road and—more importantly—patrolling cop cars. Dean had heard him on the phone with Bobby this morning, while Sammy was sleeping. Someone had ratted out the guy in room 105 at the motel on Kirk Street, with a bunch of guns and two kids that didn’t go to school. Now they had to wrap up the case and hit the road, before everything got worse. 

That was why Dean was going in, and not Dad. Dad would be in danger.

Dean might be too, but no one was going to hurt a kid. 

Usually. 

And Dean had never been in a church before. He didn’t remember Mom being that kind of religious, and Dad always said ‘you’d have to be a crazy asshole to believe, knowin’ what’s out there.’ Sometimes they’d pass big, dusty churches on the highway, but they looked like nothing. Single-colored building with crosses stuck on the top, all wood or clay or brick. The door always seemed too big, and the signs all said things like ‘There will be judgement’, which Dean wasn’t sure was true.

If there was judgement, it was a little slow. Or misplaced. If there was judgement, Mom never would’ve gotten ganked, and Sammy would’ve gotten to know what normal was. If there was judgement, Dad would get to sleep more, and he wouldn’t ever be angry because everything would be fine.

Dean didn’t remember what fine felt like. 

He was sure he wouldn’t be finding it in an old building that smelled like wet wood and smoke, with some old bald guy yelling at him. 

And that was what he’d been sure all churches would be.

But this wasn’t that. 

Maybe it’s because they were in a city. Dad rarely took them to cities. But Chicago had a problem, and Dad was the only person who could solve it. So, city.

And Dad rarely let them near churches, either. But here they were.

And when Dean shuffled through the too big doors, this wasn’t the wooden box filled with guilt and dummies praying to nothing. 

It was big.

Beautiful.

A ceiling that seemed higher than the sky, and arches that curved over his head like doorways. There was a big organ at the front, stained glass windows lining the walls, and Dean felt small. He felt like he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. It was too bright and colorful, too well-kept and clean. That might be gold, lining the alter, all the benches were shiny and polished, and not one of them was going to give him a splinter. 

It was empty. Oddly empty. It was a Thursday, but a place like this felt as if it should be filled with a hundred people, shouting and singing and doing church things. But it was just Dean, and the stature of the guy on the cross, hanging over the dais.

That looked painful. Really freaking painful. 

Dean didn’t think he’d be strong enough to do that, if he had to. He knew the whole Jesus story—he wasn’t that much of an idiot—and if Dad asked him to hang himself for the sake of everyone else, he didn’t know if he could. 

He wanted to be able to. Wanted to be worthy of whatever people saw in that guy, to make something this beautiful for him. Maybe if he bled enough, just one person would leave a flower at his grave. One person would sit on all those shiny benches, and think of Dean. 

He would never be worthy of all this beauty. Of those painting on the glass of angels, or the spotless shine of the floors. A flower and one person could be all he asked for. 

Maybe one day he’d earn it.

Right now, he had to get cloth. 

There was no one to stop him wandering right up the steps to the big preaching area, and there was some red, soft looking fabric hanging off the alter. That could be what Dad was looking for. And if it wasn’t, Dean would just take the blow, then run back inside until his brain started freaking working and he figured it out. 

He knelt down behind the alter—where nobody would see him, if they walked in—and raised the scissors to make a small, clean cut.

“What are you doing?”

Dean’s head shot up, and there She was. Sitting on the alter with hair shinier than the gold in the pews, looking at Dean with eyes brighter than all the sun leaking through the glass. Dean whispered Her name, his voice a little hoarse, and suddenly he wasn’t small anymore. He was kneeling, but at Her eye level. The scissors were smaller in his hands, and the alter was far from hiding his body from sight. 

He didn’t want to be hidden from sight. He wanted Her to look at him, all the fucking time. And smile, and lean forward while holding his gaze. 

“Dean.” Her voice was teasing, mimicking the tone with which he’d said Her name. He really wanted to kiss Her. “Why are we in a church?”

“I, uh-“ He cleared his throat, grabbing Her knee. 

A little bit to steady himself, but mostly just to touch Her. Make sure She didn’t vanish into the air as the dream fell back into a boring pace. 

“I’m working a case. With Dad.”

“Huh.” She frowned, glancing down at the scissors. “What?”

“He needed cloth from a church.”

“Why couldn’t he get it himself?”

“There were cops.” Dean shrugged. “And this isn’t that bad, sweetheart. One time he had me crawl into the sewer cause he dropped the wolf killing bullets.”

Her brow furrowed into a tight wrinkle. “Dean-“

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He shrugged. “But shit happens. And he got the wolf.”

“I- How old are you?”

“Right now?” Dean frowned. “This is, uh- The ’89 case in Chicago. Woulda been ten.”

The little wrinkle deepened, Her lips falling into a full pout. “That’s-“

He sighed. “Look, Princess, I know. And I’ve come to terms with it-“

“I don’t care.” She whispered, Her fingers reaching up to trail his jawbone. “You didn’t deserve that, De. I- He never deserved you.”

Dean let out a dry chuckle. “That right, Princess? I’m just that good, huh.”

“You are.”

She was holding his gaze, and there wasn’t anything mocking in Her voice. She just had that little furrow in Her brow, a siren-like voice that might be the most gospel this stupid church had ever heard, and Dean didn’t even feel small now. The felt like he was something important, with how She was looking at him.

And he wasn’t. 

But for Her, he’d always wanted to be.

“Well,” Dean drawled Her name, raising his brows. “Who would deserve me, then?”

She frowned. “Nobody.”

Dean blinked. She’d said it like She meant he was too good, when really nobody deserved having to deal with him. Deal with all his shit. The bits he’d forced into himself, the mud he’d been born into, the violence and horror that came with just knowing him. 

And She’d said it so simply, too. Like it was a fact and not just an outright lie. Moving on before he could push it. 

“You know, I’m from Chicago.” Her voice was a hum, Her fingers still lingering on Dean’s face. “Sort of. It was the closest city. I actually came to this church a lot.”

Dean frowned. “You did? If I’m ten, you’re-“

“Seven. Still with my family.”

“Huh.” He scanned over Her carefully, catching Her hand before She pull it away, and pulling Her a little further forward. Until he was higher on his knees, settled between Her spread legs and holding Her gaze. 

“Dean.” She whispered, and he pressed a kiss to Her knuckles. 

“What do you think woulda happened?” He murmured. “If we met then?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“I do.” He shrugged, taking Her face between his hands, and brushing his thumb over Her lower lip. “I’d start goin’ to church a lot more.”

She gave him a flat look. “Dean.”

“Yeah, baby?” He grinned at Her, and She flushed.

“You would hate church-“

“But I like you.”

She sighed. “You’d have to sit still for hours. Without music.”

“So I’d sit next to you.”

“My family wouldn’t have let you sit next to me.”

“Then I woulda snuck you out.” Dean shrugged. This was a stupid, impossible fantasy. That didn’t stop him from having it. “We’d hang out with they did whatever church people do, and if you still wanted to run away, I would’ve taken you with me. But if you stayed trapped with your douchebag family, I would’ve kept coming back, over and over, forever.”

She sighed, giving him a sad smile. “That’s a long time, Deano.”

“Nah.” He shrugged. “Not if I was with you.”

Her throat bobbed, Her fingers curling on the collar of Dean’s shirt, and She was so fucking beautiful. This was what the world should be worshipping. Her. But She shouldn’t have to suffer for it. She was too untouchable, too divine. People should be the ones bleeding for Her.

Dean certainly would. 

And when She leaned forward, brushing Her lips over his, Dean understood how people could dedicate their lives to something they could never be sure was real. 

This was only a dream. Dean was only crashing up into Her in the haze of light and color that was his dream, and only leaning Her down on the alter in his head. And he may never get this again, out there in the real world, but he didn’t care. He’d keep himself as Her shadow out there, and He’d keep Her like this in his mind all the time. 

Sighing easily into his mouth and mumbling his name, pliant and soft under his touch but scratching at his back when he nipped Her lower lip or pulled Her tongue between his teeth. 

Just for the idea of Her, he’d do unspeakable things. 

And for Her herself, he’d bleed all over the floor if She asked it of him.

Everything Dean had to give was Her’s.

All the way down.

Something slammed right into his fucking face, and Dean’s eyes shot open with grunt.

“What the- Goddamnit-“ He dragged the towel off his face, shooting a very smug looking Sam a glower. “This is still fucking wet, bitch-“

“You weren’t waking up, jerk.” Sam shrugged. “C’mon. I already started the car.”

Dean frowned. “You- Why? If you think you’re driving-“

“I’m not driving, Dean. We just need to hit the road, if we want to get to LA before midnight.”

“Before-“ Dean shook his head, and he could still fucking smell Her in the air. It hadn’t helped clear his thoughts. “Sammy, there’s no way we’re going right to the next case without-“

Sam said Her name, and Dean froze. “I know. You want to go back to Bobby’s to see her-“

“I- We need to check on Bobby and the Horsemen-“

“Sure, dude. But she’s gonna be there. So let’s go.”

“Be- In LA?”

Sam nodded, tossing Dean his jacket, and he caught it with a scowl.

“Why the fuck is she in LA, she’s still benched-“

“It’s her case.” Sam shrugged on his own jacket. “I guess she un-benched herself.”

He was way too goddamn relaxed about that. She shouldn’t be on a case right now. And it wasn’t just Dean being overprotective like Sam kept saying. Sam wasn’t there with Her, almost every night. Sam didn’t hold Her while she cried in the dead of night, or see that She was picking at her hands again, or notice how She’d been rubbing Her wrists until they were raw and looked rope burned. 

Sam didn’t wake up to find Her missing from bed. Didn’t feel his heart jump into his throat as he ran outside to find Her, and have it sink right back down into a pit at the sight of Her. Shivering and curled into Herself, all the color drained from Her features.

Sam didn’t feel goddamn useless when he got Her to smile again, but still left Her in the morning. 

Dean didn’t want to leave Her. Ever. If it were up to him, he’d live at Bobby’s and never stray further than he could hear Her calling his name. But the stupid fucking apocalypse meant he had to. And he wasn’t sure if it was the shit in San Francisco that had pushed Her too far, or something else she wouldn’t talk about, but he knew She shouldn’t be in the field. Shouldn’t be anywhere where She might hurt herself more.

And She’d agreed with that. Dean had double checked that She really was fine staying with Bobby, and She’d agreed. 

So he wasn’t sure what the fuck was happening. 

“What do you mean, it’s her case.” Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam, and the kid sighed.

“I mean she called last night, and she said I’ve got a case in LA. Meet me there. That’s it, Dean.”

“She called you?”

“Yep.” 

Dean’s jaw clenched, and Sam gave him an amused look. 

“Holy shit, dude. You were asleep-“

“Shut up.” Dean stomped to the door. “Call her for the details, then tell her to go back to Bobby’s-“

Sam snorted. “No. There’s no way I’m doing that.”

“I’m not asking-“

“No, Dean.” Sam gave him a flat look as they moved across the parking lot. “And glaring at me isn’t going to change my mind.”

“Sammy, she shouldn’t be hunting-“

“Then tell her yourself. I’m not jumping in front of that bullet for you.”

Dean scowled, and Sam let out a long sigh. 

“Look, dude, you’re not gonna be able to stop her. You know that better than anyone.”

Dean did. 

Son of a bitch, he really did. 

And he only grunted at Sam and turned up the radio, but Sam didn’t need Dean to admit he was right. The little smirk on his stupid face meant he already knew.

Trying to stop Her wouldn’t work. It had never worked. If Dean went up to Her and said Princess, go home, he’d get a glare that might hurt just as much as being stabbed. Then She’d been pissed at him, and wouldn’t let him talk to Her, and if She started crying, Dean wouldn’t be allowed to comfort Her. 

The best thing he could do was be there. With Her. For Her. Next to Her as her shadow, all the time. 

Hopefully, this would be a quick case. If not a salt and burn, a monster that She could gank in Her sleep, and She just wanted them there to help her with. They’d take care of it, then maybe actually get to the beach this time around.

And that wasn’t what was going to happen. She wouldn’t have left Bobby just for a monster of the week. 

She wouldn’t be waiting for them at the motel—the drive had been long, but Dean had only stopped for gas once and told Sam to hold it whenever he started whining about the bathroom—with Cas at Her side, if it was something that would be done in a day. 

They were settled in, too. Cas sat at the table, frowning over some of Her notes. She beamed when She saw Dean—and it filled him with light and made him stand a little taller, ignoring Sammy’s eyes roll entirely—and stood up, crossing the room to pull Sam into a quick hug. 

Sam got to go first. That was fine. There was no reason—at least not a logical one—that Dean should be hugged first, so he just rocked on his feet with his hands in his pockets, and he didn’t need to Her to hug him at all-

She almost slammed into him, and Dean let out a wheeze. It was tight. And long. And his arms wrapped around Her in a second, holding Her head to his chest and swaying back and forth slowly.

He could smell the fruit, and Her hair was so shiny, and Her lips were brushing against his neck whenever She took a breath-

Dean squeezed Her once, just to check, and She squeezed back twice. 

His jaw clenched, and he held Her a little tighter.

Something was wrong. 

“Hey, Cas.” Sammy cleared his throat, shooting Dean a should we be worried about this look. “You’re, uh- I thought you were still looking for God, right?“

Cas said Her name, and She pulled back from Dean’s arms with a sigh. “I can tell them, if that would be easier-“

“I’ve got it.” She took a pace back, looking between Sam and Dean with a small, tight smile. “I’ve got a lead.”

“A lead?” Sam frowned. “Like, on a horseman?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. Don’t know yet.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean you don’t know.”

“I know it’s something.” She gave him a grimacing smile. “Jury is still out on what.”

“How’d you find the lead.” She sighed, twisting the skin on her finger. “Research.”

Lie. That was a fucking lie. 

But before Dean could call Her on it, Sammy was talking again. 

“What is the lead?”

She walked back to the table with Cas, who gave Her a tight nod and passed her a paper without a word.

Maybe Sam was right. Maybe they should be worried about that.

“People are fucking each other when they try to have sex.” She said, and Dean couldn’t stop his smirk.

“I think that’s what’s supposed to happen, Princess.”

Flush. Hitched breath. Parted lips that feel into a tight frown. “I know that,” she muttered. “I mean they’re fucking each other up. Like, ripping each other apart.”

She held up the photo—red and gruesome with a lot of guts on the outside of bodies—and Sam recoiled.

“That’s… so gross.”

“It gets worse,” Cas muttered. “Another couple suffocated. To death.”

Dean frowned. “How the hell is that-“

“They were also engaging in sexual acts.”

“Sexual-“ Sam shook his head, then said Her name. “What sexual acts?”

Her voice was barely a mumble. “Uh- 69ing.”

“Oh.” Sam’s eyed widened. “Oh. Shit.”

Dean couldn’t look at Her too long. At how She was very obviously avoiding his gaze and rubbing at Her wrists, hiking her knees up to Her chest as she dropped back at the table. It was just sex. And maybe Dean imagined it with Her, every time he took a shower and whenever She was lying with him in bed—or when he was alone in bed, or when She bent over and he wanted to crowd all Her space and kiss over Her neck, or when She fluttered her lashes and pouted Her lips and it felt like a goddamn spell was being cast over him—but that didn’t mean this was weird. She didn’t even know Dean thought those things.

He was pretty sure She didn’t know. 

If She knew, She’d never said anything. She would have said something. Or, more likely, stopped sleeping in a bed with him. And he played this out a million times before in his head—if She could see Dean’s desire and need for Her, spinning out of control from his soul and trying to touch Her, Dean always wanted to touch Her—but never stopped to circle around what if She could see it, and didn’t say anything, but didn’t hate it, either. 

He wasn’t sure what to do, then. She might be waiting for him to something, just like the kiss in Florida. But Dean wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and fuck it all up. 

And if She wanted him, if She was flushed and nervous because of that, then-

Now wasn’t the time to worry about that. People were dying. Fucking each other to death. He needed to focus.

The more he focused, the faster they’d get through the case, the faster they got Her home, the sooner he could think about falling to his knee in front of Her and asking do you want me to touch you, baby girl? Are you thinking about touching me? Cause not a goddamn second passes where I don’t think I’d be a happy man suffocating between your legs-

“Do we have any theories?” Sam asked, moving to stand over the table and Dean clenched his fists. Focus. He needed to goddamn focus. “I know you guys have only been here a day, but-“

“We have ideas.” Cas cut Sam off with slow, careful words, looking to Her. 

Still staring at the floor as Cas said Her name.

“The Enochian. Tell them about that.”

She frowned. “You tell them about it.”

“But you’re the one who found it, and translated it.”

“But you keep saying I translated it wrong.”

“You still got it, though.” Cas frowned, and Sam shot Dean another worried look. “Do you wish me to explain it?”

She swallowed, but shook Her head. “I- Yes. Please.”

“Fine.” Cas looked back to Sam and Dean. “It’s a cupid.”

She rolled Her eyes. “It’s not a cupid.”

“You said I could explain it. I’m explaining it.”

“But you have to say my side too-“

“Your side is incorrect, why would I give them incorrect information-“

“Cas.” Dean grunted, looking between them with a frown as he muttered Her name, and She blinked up at him with shining eyes. “What the fuck is happening here.”

She sighed. “We have a bet.”

Sam blinked. “A… bet?”

“I found Enochian markings on the victims.” Cas said, pushing another paper—this one covered with Her handwriting in the margins—forward. “It is a Cupid’s mark. One may have gone rogue.”

She shook Her head. “But it says meat.”

“It says mate. Meat is a mistranslation.”

“But the word mate in English is derived from meat. And the people were hungry.”

“Hold up.” Dean shook his head, leaning over to frown at the paper. “Mate? Like- Soulmate?”

Cas sighed. “No, Dean. Soulmates aren’t real. Unions are pre-ordained by Heaven for higher purposes, or chosen at the free will of humans. Mate means…”

Cas trailed off, giving Her a helpless look that she only shrugged at, and Dean cleared his throat.

“Sex. It means sex, right.” He frowned between them. “You two are allowed to say sex-“

“We know that.” She snapped, and Dean’s lips twitched as She snatched the paper back with a glare. She was so fucking pretty. “We’re just tired. We’ve been working this all day.”

Sam frowned. “So you can’t say sex?”

“Sam.”

“Oh- Uh, sorry.” Sam scratched the back of his neck, reclining slightly from Her glare. Dean couldn’t blame him. She looked scary. “So- Do we think it’s a Cupid?”

She said no at the exact time Cas said yes, and Dean sighed, running a hand over his face.

“Well, it’s gotta be something-“

“That’s the bet.” She said, crossing Her arms over Her chest. “If it’s a cupid, he wins. If anything other than that, I win.”

“Win?” Sammy frowned between them. “Win what?”

“She will buy me more ice cream.” Cas muttered. “And I will find her a cat.”

“Cas.” Sam said slowly. “You’re an angel. I don’t think you need someone to buy you ice cream.”

“And,” Dean grunted Her name, holding Her gaze. “You can’t get a cat.”

“Why not?”

“I’m allergic.”

“It… will not be your cat, Dean.” Cas frowned at him. “I am getting it for her.”

“Yeah, Dean.” She stuck Her tongue out at him. “He’s getting it for me.”

“But only if you win, right?” Sam frowned between them. “I mean, that’s how bets work-“

“I know how bets work.” Cas said Her name with a shurg. “She explained them to me.”

“And we’ve already shaken on this one.” She sat up a little taller, raising Her chin. “So that’s that.”

Sam had definitely been right. Whatever this was—Her and Cas both staring them down with smug expressions and a bunch of Enochian notes covering the table—was maybe going to give Dean a heart attack.

“Oh- Okay.” Sam sighed, shooting Dean a defeated look. “Did you guys make a plan?”

“We have had a plan for hours, Sam.” Cas’ tone was flat, and Sam blinked. “We were waiting for you to arrive, so it could be executed.”

“Exe-“ Dean shook his head. “Cas, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but it’s damn near two in the morning-“

“We’re gonna go to bed, De.” She gave him a softer smile, and his heart might have just done a freaking flip. “But in the morning, I’m going to take Sam, and you’re going to go Cas, and I’m going to win.”

Cas frowned. “Unless it is a cupid-“

“It’s not a cupid.”

“The point of the bet is that it may be a cupid-“

“No, the point of the bet is that I want a cat-“

“Guys.” Sam raised his hand, raising his voice over theirs. “Splitting up isn’t a plan. I mean- It’s kind of a plan, but not really-“

“Don’t worry, buddy.” She gave Sam a wide grin. “You’re with me. And I’ve got a real plan.”

“Oh- Okay.” Sam put his hand back down. “And Cas and Dean-“

“I have a plan as well.” Cas gave Dean a small nod, and he felt a little frozen. “Dean, there is a diner down the road with burgers you will like. We’ll meet there.”

“We’ll- Where the hell are you going now?”

Cas frowned, rising slowly. “I do not sleep, and there are,” he glanced down to Her. “Other things. For me to attend to.”

Dean scowled. “Like what.”

“Things.” Cas’ voice remained flat. “I will see you in the morning, Dean.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Wait-“

There was a rustle, and then Cas was gone.

And She was still staring down at Her hands, the skin of Her nails picked raw. 

Something was wrong.

“Shit.” Sam muttered Her name, shaking his head. “Do I need anything for tomorrow?”

She shook Her head. “No. Just get some sleep.”

Sam nodded slowly, turning around with a clap of Dean’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go get our bags,” he muttered under his breath. “I’ll take whatever bed you guys aren’t in.”

Dean grunted an agreement, and didn’t look away from Her as Sam moved away.

The door closed, and he crossed the room to kneel before Her, his hands resting carefully on Her thighs. She could shove him away if She needed to. And it would sting over his heart and skin if She did, but he’d let Her. 

She just met his gaze under Her lashes, a small furrow in Her brow.

She looked so fucking tired. 

Dean muttered Her name, slowly reaching up to hold Her face in his hands. “You’re not supposed to be hunting.”

“I- You’re not my boss, Winchester-“

“But I’m your-“ Friend. Best friend. Pathetic guard dog. Shadow. “I know you, Princess. Better than anyone. And you need rest-“

“I- I know, okay. But I need to see this through.”

He frowned. “Why.”

“Because.”

Dean grunted Her name, and She shook Her head. 

“I- I just do, okay. Please.” 

She was saying please. And fluttering Her lashes slightly. And Dean was orbiting around Her, and falling up into Her, but goddamnit, this felt like a shit idea. She was lying about something, and he didn’t know how to push Her on it. He’d never been good at applying the right amount of pressure with Her. And Dean might be damn good at taking care of Her—brushing a little of Her hair back and running his thumb down Her nose—but he’d also been good at hurting Her. 

He hadn’t hurt Her in a while. He never wanted to hurt Her again.

But he couldn’t make it better if he didn’t know what was wrong. He couldn’t protect Her if he was off with Cas for the whole hunt. 

“Princess-“

“I- I want to go see it soon.” She whispered, and Dean frowned.

“See-“

“The waterfall. Where Bobby-“ She swallowed, and it clicked in Dean’s head. 

“Jo.”

“I- I can’t go alone, De. I- I’ve been trying. And I can’t. And I promise I’m not running, and I know this is a bad idea, but it’s my lead and I have to do it-“

Her words turned into soft, weak tears, and Dean swore under his breath. He wasn’t making Her cry. But he wasn’t fucking helping either.

“I- I’m so tired,” She was falling over him, and Dean adjusted in a second. Pushing up to his knees and tucking Her into his chest. “I wanna go home-“

“Then go home,” he muttered Her name. “We can take care of this ourselves, cupid or not-“

She shook Her head against him. “No, I- It has to be me. I- I’m just tired.”

This was more than tired. She was leaning back with sniffles and pouting lips, and Dean knew this was more than tired.

But son of a bitch, he didn’t know how to push Her on it. And at least She’d have Sammy. He wouldn’t let anything happen to Her, if not for Dean, for Her. The kid adored Her. And She was strong. She’d gotten through months alone, right after Jo’s death, without a single scratch.

That Dean could see. 

But he couldn’t push Her on that either. Or on whatever the hell She and Cas were up to. And it definitely wasn’t the time to talk about how—when he kissed Her brow and helped Her to her feet, guiding Her into bed and pulling off his shoes before falling at Her side—he couldn’t stop wanting to fucking kiss Her.

He needed to just be there for Her. Lay at Her side and take Her hand, carefully testing if She’d kick him out of bed like a dog if he tugged Her a little closer. 

She didn’t.

And that should be enough. It had to be enough. 

But it never was. 

She shifted, in the night. Dean drifted in and out of sleep, and every time his eyes would open and he’d regain fully awareness, She’d have moved. Her body now facing his. Her chest pressed to Dean’s side. Her leg hooked over his waist, and their hands still tangled together.

Her face, burrowed in Dean’s shoulder, Her breath warm on his skin. 

It was torture. It was the best goddamn torture in the world, because Dean got to hold Her—kind of—but it wasn’t enough, and now he couldn’t fucking sleep. 

The rest of the night passed with lights on the ceiling, their hands pressed to Dean’s chest the smell of fruit and sugar getting him high on an amazing, horrible drug. 

He shouldn’t think about it right now. It was wrong. Sick. She was his best friend, and She was in fucking pain, and She’d been crying in his arms only a few hours before. 

But She was also humming softly whenever She took a breath, and nuzzling against Dean’s throat, and Her knee was real damn close to brushing against his cock. And in another world, maybe he’d be allowed to flip Her over until she was staring at him all pretty, splayed out below Dean and whispering his name in that siren-like way only She had ever said it. Then he’d kiss the sound off Her lips, and she’d hum softly and tug at his hair, and he’d give Her more. Give Her everything. All She’d need to do was relax into it, and Dean would make Her see all those stars that only seemed to shine for Her. Make Her feel that perfect, slightly pained paradise he lived in, whenever She so much as fucking smile at him. 

He’d made Her scream his name until Her voice was hoarse, then wrap Her safely in his arms, getting Her whatever she needed before She had to ask. He’d fuck Her until She couldn’t walk, then carry Her wherever She needed to go. He’d praise Her and kiss Her until she was a flushed, fucked out mess, and kiss Her again just so She knew. 

That as long as Dean had a say in it, She’d only feel good things. Be good places. Be happy.

He just needed to be the luckiest, most undeserving son of a bitch in the world, and be the one She wanted to be happy with. The asshole from the mud that hadn’t dragged himself up, but had hardened into clay. And She could mold him into whatever She wanted him to be. 

Dean just really fucking hoped it was something where he got to kiss Her, and She stayed wrapped around him for maybe the rest of time. 

He got up the moment light cracked through the blinders. He’d be fucked if She woke up first, and felt the raging boner pressed into Her thigh.

The cold shower sort of helped. The gritting his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut, and jacking off to the fantasy of Her in bed with him—curled at Dean’s side, smiling at him with fluttering lashes and maybe grinding onto his thigh while Her hands wrapped around his cock—helped a lot. And Dean dressed in the bathroom, grabbing coffee from the desk and setting in on the nightstand, with a little scribbled note that he was out with Cas, and to call if they got any leads. 

She and Sammy needed the sleep more than Dean did, anyway. They both looked peaceful, and they’d both been beating themselves up every damn moment they’d been awake, and Dean had been trying to help them but maybe he was only making it worse-

Problems for later. Right now, Dean needed to get a start on the case. The sooner they wrapped it up, the sooner Dean could get Her home. Take Her to go see Jo. Maybe stop and get Her food—not that day, that day would be a lot more holding Her while she cried—and then find the words to ask am I allowed to kiss you still, Princess. And if I am, could we do more than kissing. Could you maybe see yourself holding my hand, wearing even less clothing when you slept, and letting me build you a house that might not be the fanciest thing in the world, but would be fucking ours. And you’d be mine, and I’d just keep being yours. 

Always been yours, Princess. He stared down at Her like a fucking creep, tracing his hands over Her cheekbones. Never gonna be anything else. All the way down, right?

She didn’t answer. 

So Dean headed out the door, and called Cas at the diner. 

“How certain are you it’s a cupid?” Dean asked, right through a mouthful of burger—Cas was right, this place was awesome, they served burgers at six in the morning—and Cas sighed. 

“I am positive.” Cas muttered Her name. “She is caught up on the semantics of the translation. I will admit that I’ve never seen a rogue cupid do something like this, but this year has been… full of firsts.”

Dean grunted. “Yeah, it has. Never seen an angel place a bet before. Or take orders from a human.”

Cas frowned. “I have taken orders from you, Dean.”

“Those were suggestions-“

Cas said Her name carefully. “I am speaking of her. You did not suggest that I ensure she slept.”

Dean scowled. “Well, did you?”

“Of course I did.” Cas frowned. “You asked me to.”

Dean blinked. “Oh, uh- Thanks then. You’re not really gonna get her a cat, right?”

“I will have to. If I lose the bet.”

“What, did you two make a blood oath-“

“I don’t have blood.” Cas paused, his gaze flicking down to Dean’s burger. “You are eating slower than usual.”

“It’s early. And you better lose that freakin’ bet-“

“I am confident in my theory, Dean. You can come with us when we get ice cream.” Cas was still staring at the burger, and Dean cleared his throat. 

“How’d that other thing go?”

Cas’ gaze flicked back to Dean’s with a frown. “What?”

“Your other thing that you left us for. Last night.” Dean narrowed his eyes, and said Her name. “Was it something for her?”

Cas sighed. “If you are looking for me to tell you of our private conversations, Dean, it won’t work.”

“Why the hell not-“

“Because I won’t betray her confidence. Just as I wouldn’t betray yours about the bottle of her perfume that you keep in the bottom of your bag-“

Dean sat up. “How the hell do you know about that.”

“You asked me to grab you a gun, a few weeks ago. And I have eyes.”

“Well- I-“ Dean shook his head, leaning forward. “This is different, Cas. She might get herself hurt-“

“I will not let that happen.” Cas was looking at the fucking burger again. “Dean, I know how you are about your food, but-“

“Take it, man.” Dean sighed, pushing the plate forward. “I’ll get another one for the road or something.”

Cas nodded, grabbing the burger a lot faster than Dean expected, and he frowned. 

“I thought you didn’t need to eat-“

“I don’t. I’m trying new things.”

That didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Wasn’t enough time to push it.

“Well, if it’s a cupid, how are we gonna find it-“

“You won’t have to find it.” Cas shrugged, frowning around the diner. “This city is a high priority location for cherubim-“

“Cherubim-“

“Cupids. They are low level angels. Not a threat, though.” Cas nodded slowly, and it mostly seemed to be to himself. “I will find it and deal with it easily.”

Dean frowned. “Then what the hell am I here for-“

“The bet.”

“Ah. Right. The bet.” He let out a slow breath, turning over his fork on the table. “If cupids are angels, do you think this is a rebellion situation? Lucifer flips one of them, diapered douchebag goes around ganking anyone he can?”

“Cupids don’t wear diapers.” Cas took another bite of the burger. “They’re naked.”

“Course they are.” Dean muttered. “Awesome.” 

Cas nodded, speaking through a mouthful. “And I am not sure of this one’s motivations. There is no reason for Lucifer to want a cherubim. Human love would not be… of his interest.”

“So you’ve got nothing.” Dean said flatly. “No motive, no theory, no explanation for why this might be happening.”

Cas shook his head, his mouth still stuffed with his burger, and Dean sighed. 

“Dude, we’re going to fucking lose this bet.”

And Cas kept saying they wouldn’t. Dean got his second burger—Cas ordered his own as well, and they were good burgers, but not that good—before they left, and whenever Dean muttered that it would probably be better for them to be helping Her and Sammy, Cas shook his head and said it’s a Cupid. Only they make those marks.

But it wasn’t a fucking cupid. 

Cas summoned the damn thing, and it crushed their freaking bones with hug, then started sobbing about how it would never do that. 

“Are cupids good actors?” Dean muttered in Cas’ ear, and Cas sighed. 

“No. They’re not.”

“So you lost-“

“Apparently, yes. Congratulations on your cat, Dean.”

Dean scowled—there needed to be a way to talk Her out of that—as Cas moved forward to comfort the sobbing cupid.

There was something off about this whole thing. There was a case here—people didn’t just eat each other—but if it wasn’t the cupid, Dean didn’t have a goddamn clue what it was. And She still hadn’t said how she actually found the lead, or given any alternate theories, and this cupid was sobbing, but both the vics had been marked with that meat or mate thing-

“Wow.” The cupid gasped, still hugging a very rigid Cas and staring at Dean, and he blink. “I’ve never seen anything like you.”

“Anything like-“ Dean pointed to himself. “Like me?”

The cupid nodded, and before Dean could open his mouth, the guy was naked and right in front of him. Poking him. His chest and face and arms and-

“Cas.” He grunted, his tensed with the effort not to throw a punch. “What the fuck is this.”

“I am not sure. Brother,” Cas caught the cupid’s hand, and it gave him an almost innocent expression. “I cannot recommend poking Dean Winchester-“

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s-“ The cupid took its other hand, and fucking poked him again. “Can you not see it? The bond in him?”

“The bond?!” Dean looked back to Cas. “What bond? I- Is there something in me-“

“There is nothing in you.” Cas sighed, and the cupid shook his head. 

“But- Look at that! He’d so shiny, and I- I’ve never seen such intricate work, and it’s not even angel made-“

“It?” No punching. He wasn’t allowed to punch. “What is it? I- Cas-“

“You have a connection.” The cupid whispers, his eyes wide on Dean’s. “It is the purest love I have ever seen. It’s-“ The cupid grabbed Dean’s face between his hands. “It is beautiful, Dean Winchester. Your love.”

Dean was frozen. 

His- He- That wasn’t- 

Cas muttered Her name, slowly pulling the cupid away. “He’s seeing her. Cupids are more attuned to souls than the average angel. They can see the webs you weave for each other-“ 

“Webs?” Dean blinked, and his voice was hoarse. “Cas, I- What-“

“Human souls are the most complex in creation.” The cupid offered eagerly. “They are all made of other people’s souls, too! You have your soul, then little bits of all the souls that have affected you the most! And as a cupid, my job is to take my arrow and weave certain souls together, but you- Your love-“ The cupid tested out Her name slowly, and Dean was going break his own hand. “You love her so much-“

“Cas.” Dean felt like something was pressing on his chest. “We’re done, right.”

Cas nodded, and that was all Dean had needed to say. There was a whoosh and then both the angel were gone. 

And it wasn’t pure. 

Dean wasn’t pure. He was made of mud and guts, and the was a shadow, not some shining prince in a fairytale. He killed things for a living, he lied and cheated and stole, he was barely better than the fucking monsters he chopped the heads off of and burned like it was a sick fucking sport. At least they hadn’t gotten a choice. They’d just had shit luck, a bad draw of species, born evil and wrong without a say in the matter. Dean had made that demon deal. He’d picked up that blade in Hell. He’d failed to keep Sammy off the demon blood, and he’d just let those Hell’s assassins keep a gun to his head while Anna killed Jo. 

And he’d held Her, after. And waited for Her. 

But that was because it was a law of fucking nature. She needed to be good. If She wasn’t good, nothing was good. She was warmer than the mud Dean came from, and stronger than the oceans he’d drown in, if She asked him to. More vital than the air he was taking in shallow gasps. Brighter than holy fire. 

And Dean still thought about fucking Her. About getting on his knees until Her legs were shaking, or stuffing Her mouth with his cock until She was moaning around him. That wasn’t pure. 

She was ethereal, and brilliant, and made of damn stardust or something, but Dean had always known he’d only turn that into something bloodied. 

He hadn’t. 

He tended to Her. Been careful. Waited. 

But- The cupid- It-

Dean’s phone rang, buzzing in his pocket and ripping through the air, and-

It was Her.

He picked up in half a heartbeat.

“Hey, Princess, what’s-“

“It’s not a cupid.” Her words were frantic, and Dean could hear how She was running out of breath, and Dean’s grip tightened on his phone. “Dean, it’s not a cupid, you have to tell Cas and come back right now, I- I need you-“

Fuck. “I’ll grab him, sweetheart, but- I need you to slow down and tell me exactly what’s happening-“

“Sam.” She whispered, and Dean’s blood went cold. “Fuck, Dean, he’s- We were looking at the morgue and I turned around for a second, but he was gone. And he’d been acting weird, and I’d seen that there was demon, but-“

Dean muttered Her name, and there was a muffled bang from the other side of the line. “What-“

“He took a hit of demon blood.” Her voice was so fucking soft. “I- I knocked him out. And dragged him back to the motel. He’s tied up. But I- I don’t know what to do-“

She didn’t have to know what to do. 

That’s what Dean was for. 

“I’ll be there in ten.” He muttered, already walking out to the Impala. “Keep him tied up, and don’t answer the door for anyone but me. We’ll deal with it.”

“Oh- Okay.” Dean heard Her shaking breath. “I- I’m sorry-“

“Don’t.” He grunted. The engine wouldn’t start fast enough. “You did good, Princess.”

“I hit him with a hospital poop pan.”

“And he’ll thank you when he’s up.”

She sighed, mumbled an agreement, and Dean forced himself to let Her hang up. It might be better to keep Her on the line. Just in case She thought of doing something reckless-

“Dean.” Cas appeared in the passenger’s seat, and the engine started. 

“Thank Christ,” Dean muttered. “Cas, we gotta go-“

Dean said Her name, and Cas cut him off with a shake of his head. “I don’t think it’s wise for you to be near her, Dean. Not right now.”

“Cas-“

“I have a working theory.” Cas said, his words slow. “And it may be dangerous-“

“I don’t care.”

“Dean-“

“No, Cas. I don’t give shit what’s doing this. We’ll work on the case after. My girl calls me, I go.” Dean pulled onto the street with a scowl. Speed limits were suggestions anyway. “That’s it.”

Cas made the smart choice. He shut the hell up, and let Dean drive. 

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, crossed legged and curled into herself, eyes a little red as She stared at Sammy across the room. There was blood dried on Her lower lip, and it was swollen from chewing. Blood on Her nails as well. 

Sam was tied to the chair, his face still a little stained with demon blood, and bowing his head. 

That was good. If Sam wasn’t fighting it, all they’d have to do is wait for the detox. 

So Dean walked right over to Her. 

There was nowhere else to go. 

His arms wrapped around Her shoulders, Her face buried in his stomach as she held him back, and they stayed like that until Cas cleared his throat and muttered Her name. 

“You have connected it?”

“Yeah.” She sighed, and Dean stepped off to the side so She didn’t have to lean around him. “Meat. Mate. It’s hunger.” Dean frowned. “Hunger?”

“Famine.”

Cas nodded in agreement, and shot Dean an odd look. “I asked the cupid if it’s seen other cases like that. It said it had heard rumors, of pairings gone wrong. And lust is the most… potent of the sins-“

“So he’s been tailing after cupids.” She muttered, pushing to Her feet. “Sirens too. Found a few cases scattered across the country, but they somehow got missed. They start in Maryland.”

“Ilchester?” Dean muttered, and She nodded. “Shit, that’s where Lucifer-“

“I know. It’s Famine.” She let out a slow breath. “Cas and I will deal with it.”

She started to walk to the door, and Dean barely registered the words fast enough to grab Her around the waist with a scowl.

“You and Cas are not dealing with it-“

“It would be the most effective.” Cas offered, very unhelpfully. “I may be affected by the desires of my vessel, but I can overcome that.“

“And they can’t do shit to us.” She said, holding Dean’s glare. “Famine eats souls. Cas has grace, and if he does try to touch me, I’ll blow him up.”

Dean scowled. “I’m not exactly falling apart either, sweetheart-“

“Dean.” She squeezed his hand three times, Her gaze so fucking soft. “Please.”

God fucking damnit. “Fine. But if you’re not back by sunrise, I’m launching a search that’ll make a manhunt look like a lost sock-“

“I know.” She wrapped Her arms back around Dean’s neck, Her face falling into his chest. “Thank you.”

Dean only grunted. “Call me if you-“

“I will.” She was going to choke him, with the way She was clinging to him. He didn’t really care. “I fucking hate California.”

Dean let out a dry chuckle. “So we’re not goin’ to the beach.”

“Maybe we can try an east coast beach.” She mumbled. “I’ve always wanted to go to cape cod.”

Dean had been to cape cod. Lot of box houses and gray sand and dune. No place for a walking, breathing star. 

But wherever She wanted to go, Dean would follow. Just like the goddamn shadow he was. 

And he wasn’t going to just be reduced to dog, pacing around the motel and looking at the door, waiting for Her to return.

That ended up being most of the afternoon, though. The TV played in the background, Dean and Sam ate in silence after the kid had mostly detoxed, and every time Dean glanced at his phone, there wasn’t a new call or message.

“Why aren’t you affected?” Sammy broke the silence around dusk, his voice a little gravely. “I mean, you’re like, the hungriest guy I know, Dean.”

“And I eat when I’m hungry.” He shrugged. “It’s not that complicated, Sammy.”

“Yeah, but, if lust is something that Famine can feed-“ Sam cut himself off with a shake of his head. “I mean, you haven’t gotten laid in a while-“

“I take care of myself.” Dean muttered, and didn’t fucking know why he wasn’t affected. He just wasn’t. And he wasn’t a soul scientist or something-

The cupid. It could see him. It had said his- That it was pure-

“Maybe it’s- I mean, you do eat, and I’ve, uh-“ Sam cleared his throat, and Dean really needed him to just drop it. “Heard you-“

“Sam-“

“You’re loud, dude. It’s sort of a miracle that-“ Sam said Her name, then froze. “Holy shit. You should be like, all over her.”

“Sam.” Dean’s voice was almost a bark. He couldn’t find it in himself to be sorry about it. “I’m not affected. That’s it.“

“No, it’s not. You- Dean, even if we ignore feelings, you at least want her physically-“

“I-“

“And denying that isn’t going to do you any favors right now, so-“

“I’m not denying it.” Dean pushed the words through his teeth, holding Sam’s gaze with a scowl, and Sam blinked. 

“You’re… not?”

“No. I’m not.” Dean was going to snap a few teeth. “You win, Sammy. I want her. I think about her all the time. I dream about her. She’s my whole, stupid world, and I can’t live without her, and I-“ He choked on the last words. Pure. “I know that I want her. But it’s complicated. And yeah, I’ve been thinking about fucking her, but I’m not feeling whatever the hell hit you and Cas, so I’m fine.”

The room was silent for long. Too long. Dean shouldn’t have fucking said that. He’d let a lot of Sam’s teasing about it slide, over the years, but this- She was holy. Sacred. And Dean couldn’t let the fact that he had feelings taint that, or let Sam ruin the very thin line he’s been walking for damn near nine years-

“Dean.” Sam’s voice was barely a rasp. “Oh my god, dude. It’s-“

“Don’t-“

“I knew.” Sam said quickly, and Dean frowned. “I mean, I’ve known. Everyone’s known. But I- I didn’t know.”

Dean stared at him. “Man, if you keep talking in riddles-“

“How long have you felt, uh- That? About her?”

“Yeah, no, I’m not showing you my fucking diary-“

“Dean.“ Sam sighed “I’m trying to help. Just tell me.”

It took a second to say it. This conversation fucking sucked. “Long as I can remember.”.

“As long as- You mean-“

“Yeah.”

“Oh. I- Do I need to say it?”

Dean let out a long breath, and shook his head. He understood. And Sam, to his credit, finally shut up. The detox wrapped up with Sam knocked out—his hands still tied together, and one leg to the bedpost for safety—and Dean just… 

Waited. 

For Her to come home. 

He sat on the couch and stared at the door, and he was fucking pathetic. Dad would have shot him, if he could see Dean now. Would’ve yelled at him about lettin’ the lyin’ little girl boss him around.

All Dean would’ve had to say in his defense was that he liked Her bossing him around. She looked hot while She did it, and She knew what she was talking about all the damn time. And She wasn’t a liar. Not about the stuff Dad thought. She was just bright and consuming and amazing, and Dean knew when She was lying anyway, so it didn’t really matter. 

Dad would’ve then snapped that Dean wasn’t being a man, havin’ Her do all the work. Sittin’ around on his ass like a bitch.

And Dean wasn’t sure what Dad had thought being a man was.

But to him, it felt a lot like when the door opened, She walked through without a single drop of blood on Her body but a heavy look of Her face, and Dean was the first place She went. 

Before the bed. Before Her shoes were off, before Cas was even in the door. 

She went to Dean. Folded into him, with Her arms back around his neck and their bodies slotted perfectly together, letting Cas take the lead as She just stayed in Dean’s arms. 

“Famine’s ring.” Cas muttered, holding it up for a second before dropping it on the table, and Dean nodded. 

“Did, uh-“ He glanced down to Her, and Cas understood.

“It was a clean cut. I stayed outside, she got him with her blade. Is Sam-“

“He’s feeling better.” Dean muttered. “How about you, man. Still craving burgers?”

“No. It passed.” Cas paused. “Dean, I believe we should discuss how you-“

“No. We shouldn’t.”

“Dean-“

“I know.” Dean muttered, his gaze flicking down to Her. 

She was passed out. Warm against him. So fucking beautiful, even with Her hair knotted from the hunt and a little drool already falling from Her lips. 

And Dean knew.

He knew when Cas nodded, and muttered that he had those other things to take care of, but to call if they needed him. He knew when he carried Her to bed, and She let out a soft, sweet sigh. He knew when She curled closer to his body, and Her hand moved into his like a magnet.

He’d felt it forever.

But he only knew now. 

Pure. 

It wasn’t pure. It was just big. Consuming. Easy to get lost in without ever needing a way out. Safe to be trapped in because he’d never want to be anywhere else. It was every single star, and all the planets Sammy used to love telling him about. The deepest parts of every ocean where light didn’t touch, so She’d told him that the fish made their own. The first time Dean had stepped into a church, and he’d felt so small, but wanted to be more. The loudest parts of all the songs he had memorized and all the words She knew that still would never be enough to properly say it. The whole universe, and then whatever was going to devour it in the end. 

Her. 

It was all Her. All the way down.

And it didn’t matter if She tried to rip herself apart again, or if She left a million more times. I didn’t matter if She came back and fell into his arms, or tried to take a bite out of him. If She screamed and cursed his name, or let him hold Her until the pit in his body was only light.

It didn’t matter that the world was ending. Or that She was being hunted by angels, or had raised Death, or had Lucifer making Her friendship bracelets. It didn’t matter that Dean might have to play puppet for an archangel, if he didn’t get killed in the process.

It didn’t matter that it was complicated, because it wasn’t. Everything else sure as shit was, but this wasn’t. 

Dean loved Her. 

And that was all the way down, too. 

End Note: John Winchester turning in his grave right now. Good. I hope he explodes when they fuck.

I'm back!!! Thank you guys so much for waiting the two weeks! I posted a few bonus chapters in the pslams while I was on vacation, so check those out if you want to.

Thank you so so so much for reading!! If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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[raid3r-r4bbit]

2, 10, 14, and 24 for all 💖

this was far more depressing then i wanted it to be my bad lol

Jolt

Jolt has crippling anxiety. He hides it really well under a very thick layering of anger, sarcasm and apathy, but once it's stripped away he'd likely be prone to regular panic attacks.

Also, He's suprisingly great with kids. He's a great teacher and mentor, having a lot of expericence on his resume; and in 'pre-war' or 'irl' situation he'd probably have become a teacher or guideance councelor.

I have had Jolt in many AU's. He's been half dragon demon, a ghost, a zombue ghost, and also a cyberpunk mercenary. so i cant really think of many more AU's id like to put him in. ( this goes for all of them, rikki having had the least and jolt the most. Bux and Keres are actually split from the same oc, and you can see various peices of the them throughout the (many) years, if I could find my old sketchbooks.)

Cold and unfeeling. He wants to be preceived as a force to not to be reckoned with, something not to fuck with. He'd like his enimies and oppenents to be near pissing themselves at the sight of him.

If his parents never left the farm, or stayed in Arizona with the NCR, He likely would have stayed a farmhand, or possibly a trader. He would have probably lived a suprisingly normal life.

If he'd stayed with his siblings ( i cant spoil to much can I?) he'd still be with them, and again, would have had a surprisingly normal life with a slightly less traumatic past.

Bux

Bux is pretty open about all of his feelings, but he's got a very bitter side to him. he puts out a stupid goofy manic persona but he's very bitter and angry. maybe not the most hidden thing, I guess? but it's a very toxic, seething bitterness that if he didnt have any support or crutch would likely make Jolt's bitter persona look silly.

same again. I even made him an alien, twice. I'd say irl for him but ngl i basically ripped myself in half to make jolt and bux, so his irl life is basically just… my own… (farm, abusive parents, running away, drugs, mental health issues, its not really fun irl i guess?)

Depends on the person, he likes to be seen as a goofy funny guy to people he likes, but to people he doesnt he'd rather … not be seen by them.

When his parents divorced, (this comes up pretty early on so it's not much of a spoiler) he'd either have lived a normal life or still ended up with Keres and the others if his mother had taken him with her. ( btw by normal i mean as normal for that environment as possible)

Keres

Keres has the least amount of trauma of the enitre group. They still struggle, however. (lmao, me, with untraumatized characters? never.) hwoever, they have the healthiest coping mechanism, facing this stuff head on.

Keres never technically had a cyberpunk phase, nor a ghost phase. they were still a demon, when i split them and bux apart, and then later when i fused them back together ( and apart again) they remained the same. I'd love to speculate on an irl version of them though.

as a teacher or mentor, a guide. Alternatively, as an equal.

Keres' and Rikki's backstory are both pretty still un talked about by me, but without spoiling anything, Keres would have likely become a leader of their group. Their life would have still likely mimicked what it is now just more calm. (they kinda end up the same in every path.)

Rikki

this poor baby where to start? genuinly the most trauma of the entire group. (haha im so fuckin not sorry) she's the only one who genuinly uses drugs to medicate herself and not just to get high. She can't handle being cornered, confrontation, correction, it'll break her.

But she's also a suprising confidant. Her own pain makes her easy to vent to, and she'd keep any secret completely under lock and key.

10: same again. rikki was a ghost, demon, vampire, and while she was never technically made into a cyberpunky character i have others that kinda fill her place. still would like to see an offical version now. im not good with au's i guess?

14: happy and friendly. healthy, okay, fine, all good, nothing wrong.

If not for the events that led to her being where she is now she'd be dead. everyone else is on a 'dark' version of their own paths in this story. Rikki is on the best path her life could have gone.