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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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dreaming abt sophomore year class swap bard!riz
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#ft. kalina#fh class quangle#tbh Im not suuuper happy with the bones of these designs yet#but also its just a bit hard to measure up to how strong ''kid who wears suit to school'' is#I kiinda gear the sophomore year design specifically towards like. cameraman-esque aesthetics#kind of dude who's working the light rig And the audio at the same time. dude who's running inbetween two huge tripods#theres also a thing with the freshman year arcade scene that I wanted to draw but just do not have the energy today#maybe in the future! if I can be bothered to draw biz lmao#I wanna draw something for cleric!gorgug first anyway... specifically his death in freshman year#man I'm so glad I tossed bard!riz into investigative journalism that is SO annoying. exactly what I set out to do with my classswaps#can you imagine going to school with that guy. can you imagine going to school with tintin#this also makes kipperlilly vs riz even funnier like influencer vs journalist? it'd be the Worst#man thinking of it I should rework gorgug's design too. currently his sophomore design is really zac core lmao#and zac can pull it off but character design wise its. really nothing. laughs#his junior year design is full aerith at least so that one Im very happy with. what if I tell u cassandra is the deity of#the inbetween spaces in this class swap thingy. and gorgug offers her domain as a stop for folks fresh out of a faith to gather themselves#that being transgender as fuck is kinda coincidental lmao. but well I stand by it I like that#nobody's design has jumped out to me like riz and gorgug yet. adaine I have a prreeetty good idea for#mostly bc shes the hoodie kid this time round lmao. gamer adaine true believers rise up#we take it easy! we take it easy as we go. these comics-lite were real fun to do. I should do that more
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I complain about wanting male attention bc of my daddy issues and then when I get perceived in any sort of way by a man I’m like I’ve been doubly victimized …. This is the worst, most blasphemous thing to have ever happened to me ……. The nerve on you to think you can speak to me …………….
#Studying at a cafe rn and some dude turned around and looked me in the eye and was like “u smell good :)”#Bc id like walked ahead of his table to drop my drink in the trash#And at first I was like ummm what which I feel like should’ve given him the chance to course correct#This man doubles down and is like u smell good!!!!!#And I had to be like aw thanks :) but it was rly awkward bc I feel like that’s just not a natural way to start a conversation#So he had to j awkwardly turn around and I had to awkwardly go back to my biochem chapter#Also I’m wearing Love Don’t Be Shy by Kilian rn so ofc I smell good …..#tell me something I don’t KNOW …….#Anyway I rly don’t wanna be perceived rn
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“Ain’t turtles supposed to be endangered?”
“Only the ones who can’t do this!”
#TMNT 2012#raphael hamato#casey jones 2012#is your bestie really your bestie if the first time you laid eyes on them it wasn’t immediately on sight#rasey#it’s not ship art but also I want it in my rasey tag so#I am having so much fun drawing in the canon style I am but god did I need to do something in my own style again#it’s like when you get made to wear a fitted dress and everyone tells you you look nice and it’s perfect#but you feel self conscious and constricted and it’s not something you’d ever wear#I love learning from studying the different styles but I also miss just editing the designs and going off model#altering the brushes and colours to suit a vibe#this is messy gritty wrong and imperfect but that’s what made it fun and easy and I’m so happy with this you can all bite me#also this is the return of flat ass Casey#Lou jitsu’s moral enemy and opposite lmao#I am so normal about Raph and Casey honest#I don’t constantly think about the way he slams Jones on the car bonnet#just a normal short chunky dude with his lanky toll bestie that happens to have the worlds flattest ass
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David is absolutely sticking his arse out more than necessary in that first pic, and I am at peace with that...
#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#rex is not your lawyer#big twink energy#tell me you've had gay sex without telling me you've had gay sex#even the ancient Greeks are looking at this right now like 'Dude...'#also god help us all if Michael ever sees these pictures#there's something slutty in the state of Denmark#and giving off major bottom vibes#and it's David Tennant#amazing
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why do you draw the same dude over and over again. I love your art but I’m getting sick of seeing the same thing.
The reason why I draw Miguel over and over again is because I really want to, lmao. No one pays me to draw any of the stuff I post, it's all just for my own entertainment and for practice. I'm sorry, but if you're getting sick of seeing the same thing, then you're gonna have a tough time
If you'd like me to draw something else though, you're more than welcome to commission me! But otherwise, it's kinda Karen behavior to think you can be both a beggar and a chooser in this scenario 🤷♀️
#I don't even know what to say lmaoo#there are literally so many better ways to go about it if it's cuz you'd like me to draw something else#like dude#I'm sorry' but telling me what I should and shouldn't draw is so insanely entitled#I literally do this for free#sit down#-sorry for talking like this everyone' but my god#anyways#anon shooting themselves in the foot' cuz this just makes me wanna draw him even more 😏
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I will never stop drawing klunk being cute you guys
#tmnt 2003#tmnt leo#tmnt klunk#dude I’ve been so busy lately but here have a drawing!!! :)#leo is absolutely about to kick klunk off the table#leo is the type of guy to ask the cat politely to get off the table before picking it up and setting it down on the floor#you cant tell me he wouldn’t be like ‘uh excuse klunk could you get down’ or something#and mikey would probably encourage klunk to go on the table to eat breakfast or something 💀💀💀#god I have such bad brainrot#maybe I’ll draw that#dude why do I get good ideas whenever I’m not drawing
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Normally Sanji is the most put together person between him and Luffy. He’s probably the most put together person on the entire crew besides Robin. Meanwhile Luffy is a walking disaster, chaos is naturally drawn to him and he’s ALWAYS getting into trouble. When it comes to their actual romantic relationship tho. It’s COMPLETELY flipped lmao
Luffy will walk out on deck with his hair slightly tousled and his vest a bit askew but that’s normal for him. He looks smug as hell but that’s also normal for him. Nobody bats an eye. Then Sanji comes tumbling out of the galley. Shirt untucked and buttoned up the wrong way, hair thoroughly ruffled, clothes rumpled, looking utterly fucking disheveled. His nose is bleeding, he’s stumbling like he’s drunk and his neck is covered in hickies. Everyone on deck proceeds to lose their goddamn MINDS
#Sanji tries to tell them he was ‘attacked’ but then Luffy goes ‘Yeah by me ;))))’ and Sanji promptly gives up#Usopp: Dude you’re a mess. I’ve never seen you this unkempt before#Sanji: I. Listen.#Luffy: 😋#Sanji: DON’T LOOK SO PROUD OF YOURSELF THIS IS YOUR FAULT#Luffy: I take full responsibility and I WILL be doing it again!!!!#Sanji: NFJSNFNSNCNSNCNSN#Lusan#Sanlu#One Piece#Sanji#Luffy#Shima speaks#Just reminding you all where my heart lies. In case you didn’t know already tee hee <3#I love the contrast between how they are normally and how they are when they’re intimate#AKA Sanji’s a fucking mess after Luffy gives him any kind of affection and Luffy is fully unbothered#Sanji getting overwhelmed at any physical affection makes me ill actually.#Luffy knows that he’s doing smth right when Sanji’s nose starts bleeding LMAO#Luffy: Cool!! I’m glad Sanji’s enjoying it :D#Meanwhile Sanji’s brain is fried. He can’t even articulate. LMAO#Idk what it is about them!! They’ve changed me!! They awakened something in me………jfjdnnd
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#tryin out something new hehehe im not sure if i like it tho my eyes hurt so bad#reminder that the ASKS N REQS BOX EXISTS IF YER READING THIs PLEASe ILL TAKE WHATEVER TALK TO ME PLEASEee#like literally. the only thing in my asks inbox is this dude called spore biggest fan telling me random facts about spore??? srs#like i appreciate that but i yearn for requests and asks#...but do be specific or ill just be very confused and cry#tf2#team fortress 2#sfm#tf2 sfm#sfm poster#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#engiespy#tf2 engiespy#practical espionage#my art
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amazing PHIL💙 and his mismatching socks
i need to sleep
#dan and phil#phan#phil lester#amazingphil#deeducing doodles#i wanna sleep#let me sleep#phanart#or something#stupid Thing#i cant do shit#IM SO TIRED I JUST WANNA SLEEP HONK SHOO MIMIMI#omg mimimi#SIMON!!!!!!#rip simon#we love You Simon#shrimp#I LOVE SHRIMP#as food though#dont tell phil#anyways did anyone see that pheal#dude the dan seal literally got age restricted on twitter#ITS FUCKING DAN#NOT A CONDOM#Spotify
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it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.
like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips
because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.
bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.
and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.
these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?
and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.
in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.
it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.
and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.
"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."
"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."
#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid#we point out that you've been denying us something#writeblr#almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society#like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache#love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do#im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar#men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire -#women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said#it was probably just my time of the month i guess?#anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics#so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess
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Bigshot Industry Guy: Sorry, I’m running late, can we push back our meeting until later?
Me: No, I have another appointment immediately after
Bigshot: Sorry, I’m with another client :(
Me: So tell him to fuck off?
#When You're A Little Fish People Just Straight Up Do Not Respect Your Time#You Chose This Time Dude Not Me#Don't Tell Me You're Gonna Do Something And Then Not Do It#Men#This Whole Thing Smacks of Gender#A Lack of Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency On Mine
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nah because what if the matron of ravens shows dorian a vision of cyrus so they can talk to each other one last time WHAT THEN. WHAT THEN??
what if dorian yells at the matron for not helping the crown keepers at their lowest point, especially when one of them was greatly vowed to her, how she just stood there and watched as they all crumbled before this ‘merciless goddess’ sister none of them(the gods) like. what then. what if dorian finally releases some of that anger, the anger he is afraid of- the anger that has been boiling up inside of him since that day his brother was murdered and all he could do was walk the other way. OH MY GOD.
#critical role#dorian storm#bells hells#c3#campaign 3#matron of ravens#dude i know it’s a lot to think about#but hear me out for a second#it’s literally lined up perfectly#especially when him and orym are so close to actually talking#the angst of the situation would be sooo good#dorian having a rage breakdown or something#then again idk if he’d actually do that becuz he hates showing weakness towards authority figures#if we can clock that from the arch heart interaction#BUT I WILL SAY#trauma damages people and since this would be a moment about his dead brother#ooooohhhj i think i think i think#i wanna see him tell off that matron SO BADLY#IT WOULD BE SO BADASS
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Eddie Diaz + Hesitation.
#911#eddiediazedit#911edit#911 fox#911 abc#my edit#well#i dont know okay#when i was looking for the correct shots to add to my eddie fell first essay i was like#huh dude pulls back before saying someting a lot#thats a set idea#dude bites his tongue a lot aoksaoksaoskaoks#anyway#i dont even know if this makes sense i just needed something to do that i can do because my brain is telling me im a bad writer#and i needed it to shut up#and gifs are a mechanical#anyway yeah#have this#i miss him :(#911verse#eddie diaz
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I LOVE UR BRAIN SO BAD 😭😭😭 YOU ALWAYS POST THEBBEST HEADCANONS AND THOUGHTS LIKE. WORK HUSBAND GOJO. AND JUST HAVING A WHOLE IMAGINATION OF THE OFFICE W NANAMI AND HIGURUMA AND TOJI I?????? I WANT TO LIVE IN YOUR BRAIN
TEEHEEEE you’re so sweet <33333 the work husband to actual husband to househusband gojo pipeline is so so real to me and the office au that comes with it truly does take up space in my brain, so here’s some more loosely established points
satoru has been your work husband since you got your first job in undergrad. you two met in your dorms, and became friends, and eventually you thought a job would help with your time management skills, so you got a very low-maintenance position at the front desk of the library. satoru applied right after you and schmoozed the two little old librarians into giving him the same shifts as you. that was probably the first moment satoru knew he was a little bit in love with you—because he had no reason to have a job while in school, but this small change in your schedule made him miss you so much that he was moved to get his very first job, probably ever, just to spend more time with you.
he wasn’t bad at his library receptionist job, but he technically wasn’t good at it, either. if a student asked him for a laptop charger or to check out a book or something, he could do that, but anything else he’d just smile and say, “oh, you’ve gotta ask the pretty girl right there about that, she knows way more than me,” and bat his eyelashes at you. except, then, when you did need to get up to grab something for someone, satoru would just spring up instead, and tell you he’s got it. it’s like… he was incapable of helping anybody else unless he got to flirt with you, and then help you out to help them out……… strange boy
anyways, satoru makes it a habit to assist you through your student jobs throughout undergrad, and then follows you to the same law school and repeats the process there. (also not to elle woods-ify him a bit but his father heavily questions him going to law school btw because satoru has never showed any interest in working, let alone following in his footsteps to be a lawyer, and now he’s going to law school? his mom is a bit sharper though, because when satoru tells his parents he’s going to the same law school as you, she just smiles and sips her tea and wonders if her son has already made a trip to their family jeweler).
the firm is large, but the floor you work on is a pretty close knit group. there’s hiromi’s office at the tail end, which is the largest because he’s managing partner and he practically lives in there. on the other end, both you and nanami have decently sized offices. satoru doesn’t like hiromi at first because he thinks he’s mean. then satoru watches him play a little prank on kento, and suddenly the two of them are best friends. it would be a surprisingly wholesome friendship if their common denominator wasn’t irritating kento, and acting as guard dogs for you.
kento’s office used to be just the bare necessities—law books, his degree, basic furniture, maybe a fancy paperweight, until satoru got his hands on it and decked it out. which is not something kento asked for, nor he thinks is necessary, but that doesn’t stop satoru from continually adding little trinkets and decorations and art to his office to make it livelier. when kento first meets you, he’s surprised when you tell him satoru gojo is going to be your secretary because kento interned for satoru’s father for two summers during law school, but when kento sees you and satoru together for the first time, it answers all of his questions. satoru couldn’t be more of a lovesick fool if he tried.
listen the ex-convict to single father to janitor to lawyer toji pipeline is so real to me. while toji is working as a janitor at the firm, satoru slips once and then jokes that toji shines the floors too aggressively on purpose to make him slip, toji tells him to fuck off and he can sue for harassment. they truly don’t like each other at first, but once satoru steals toji’s masterkey to get into your office one night after you’re gone to leave flowers, and handle some paperwork to lighten your load in the morning, toji is sort of impressed. he still almost hits him with a broomstick, but even someone as gruff as him can see that satoru had pure intentions. toji is a lot of things, but he’s not immune to or devoid of love or passion. so, eventually he and satoru develop a weird sort of banter and respect for each other. one day someone actually tries to accuse toji of not putting the wet floor sign down and how it’s gonna be a lawsuit because some lowlife janitor fucked up his $3000 suit. satoru catches the argument as he’s heading upstairs and recognized the schmuck as the stuck up lawyer on the other side of kento’s case. satoru’s ready to jump in, but toji’s displaying an impressive amount of physical restraint and legal knowledge that when the dust is all settled, satoru asks him if he ever considered being a lawyer. toji laughs at it at first, but after a month of serious consideration (and megumi becoming a college freshman), he figures it can’t be all that bad. and turns out, toji’s a half-decent lawyer—once you’ve spent so much of your life skirting (or blatantly breaking) the law, you become pretty good at getting people out or around it, too. and with his life experience, he’s a pretty good judge of character; so when it comes time to lock up the bad ones, toji makes sure they get the maximum sentence.
except he has a bad habit of sending out emails with “URGENT: NEEDS ATTN” in the subject, which prompts you, kento, and hiromi to rush to his office, just to see toji with his feet up on his desk tell you that, “the emergency is i hate the opposing counsel, and now that i work on this side of the law i’d really like to not kill him, so somebody else should take this case.”
anyways back to work husband secretary satoru. he pulls you out of boring meetings under the guise of an urgency, just for him to admit that the emergency is that he missed you, and you two were gonna be late for your lunch reservation. because he’s actually a licensed attorney, he can actually carry out duties an associate otherwise would, which saves you a lot of time and trouble; and it means that satoru gets to work even more closely with you, which is always an upside for him. sometimes you ask him to hand you documents and instead he just hands you his hand. and then pretends to blush and preen like a schoolgirl which always draws way too much attention to the two of you, but there’s no way to stop him either. he takes your coat off of your shoulders when you arrive in the morning, and helps you put it back on in the evening. when you tell him you’re looking for an apartment closer to the firm, he has eight places lined up for viewing, and one surprise at the end which happens to be the other vacant penthouse suite in his apartment building; which, conveniently, would make you satoru’s neighbor. he claims that it’ll be just like in college, but it certainly doesn’t feel that way when you finally move in and satoru can now loudly and proudly proclaim, “see you at home!” in the halls at work now.
#answered#that was a lot..... sorry this universe is so vivid to me#maybe i should rewatch suits..............#tho the first time you actually go on A Date with a real dude nothing work related satoru crumbles#he's so quiet at work for the entire day everyone thinks he must be sick or something#the day after your date he's sort of back to normal but something is off.... you don't bring up the date tho so he takes that a good sign#for him at least bc if u have nothing to say u must not have found him all that interesting righ t#but then you briefly mention a second date and now satoru has to get serious#and by serious i mean dig up everything there is to possibly dig up on this guy#way past public records he's calling favors as the DA's office he's calling his dad he's calling moles in the police. if this dude is gonna#be serious about you then he better be squeaky clean#except satoru 100% gets caught by kento who tells him that he needs to stop digging up dirt on ur date#which makes satoru pout and whine but whatever he'll drop it (only bc kento reminds him that if You find out ur gonna be Pissed)#then he really goes back to being himself but 10x#arm around your shoulder driving you everywhere himself introducing himself to ur date with the most smug grin on his face#it doesnt take long for this guy to get uncomfortable/ask you whats up with you and satoru and in the end satoru drives him away anyway#he might not be able to confess to you but he sure can keep everybody else away#besides theres only so many hours in the day u should focus on the important things: him and work 😇#jjk x reader#satoru x reader#lawyer au#satoru.ask
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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