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#telling that it's not normal doesn't actually help me with it
genderqueerdykes · 3 hours
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Is it true that T gel is not as effective as shots are and that you cannot truly transition if you get the gel? Asking as a transmasc whos deathly afraid of needles
hello there!
fortunately, nope, that's not true! that's misinformation that gets spread around like crazy. every single person on this earth will respond differently to medications- just because one person did not receive the benefits they wanted from topical hormone gels (estrogen or testosterone) does not mean everyone else will have the same reaction!
there are folks who will get nothing out of it at all due to certain health conditions, genetics, or other factors, but that does not make the medication wholesale ineffective. there are also people who do not respond well to or process injectable testosterone- every person reacts to medications differently. it's best to take it on a case-by-case basis, as some won't get anything, but some will see the full spectrum of effects. it just depends on your body chemistry and how you personally react to medications
there are many trans people who transition with T gel only! you can absolutely fully medically transition with T gel. you are able to adjust your dose as needed, so you can tailor it to your needs just like injectable T. i took topical T for a few years and it still gave me all the benefits of injectable! including stopping my periods
i think some people struggle with T gel because they do not follow the instructions properly. i've actually met a few transmascs who shower their T gel off RIGHT after they've put it on, thinking the medication absorbs immediately. it is recommended to not shower or swim for several hours (usually around the 4 - 5 hour mark) to make sure all of the medication absorbs. if you do this and are not showing results from your gel, this is why. please don't immediately shower your T gel off! a lot of people also apply their gel to the wrong areas of the body: if you start topical T, your specific formulation will come with a guide showing you where to apply it. applying it in other areas may not work as well
it's a completely viable option, especially for people with shaky hands, needle trauma, or are squeamish. i hope that helps! topical T is not "weaker" than injectable- your skin is actually one of the areas of your body that has the some of the highest bioavailability when it comes to medications, meaning that your skin is excellent at absorbing topical medications and getting as much as possible out of them. as long as you do not have a condition that makes it difficult for your skin to absorb medications, its should affect you just as much as injectable would.
this is not a guarantee, as everyone is affected by medications differently. you may not have a condition that prevents you from absorbing medication through the skin and still struggle. everyone reacts differently- genetics, body chemistry, there are a lot of factors that can change how a person will react. it will depend greatly on who you are as a person.
usually there's not really a way to tell if it will work for someone until they try, so your mileage will vary, but the topical T is not on the whole weaker, or ineffective. it's important to talk about how it doesn't affect some people, but it's also important to talk about how it works great for many. like any medication, experiences with it will vary greatly from person to person and that's not a reflection that the medication is bad or ineffective, that's just normal for medication.
hope that helps!
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eloiseyybish · 2 days
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Touching on recent 9-1-1 fandom discourse, I think it's important to contextualise. You see, the thing is, I've typically in the past shipped non-canon ships, but they've taught me a lot about fandom culture.
Ngl, this kinda started with The Mighty Ducks (Charlie/Adam shippers rise) and keeps going onto fuckin Klance (I'm just mad about how the writers left Lance and Allura as individual characters regardless of their romantic status at the time) and Zosan (OPLA did not help this).
So I 10000% know what it's like to ship something and for it to never to be canon because that's like 95% of most ships (especially gay ones) in fandom.
I promise you...if Buddie doesn't go canon... you'll live. You'll still have the same fanon couple that you've worshipped for so long.
Just, please... stop the 'Tommy Bashing' fics just because he is hot enough to make Buck discover his sexuality (instead of Eddie). I don't have the energy especially when some people don't even un-tag Bucktommy with these fics. They still keep Buck/Tommy as the main couple even though all they're doing is making Tommy OOC and an asshole (idk I haven't actually read the fic because I muted the creator when I saw that's what they were doing)
This is all new to me.
Normally, I don't ship the canon one, but Bucktommy is cute, guys, and idk what to tell you if you disagree. There isn't a single interaction they've had (in canon, not fanon) to show you that they don't desperately want to know each other better.
My point is: YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR SHIP TO BE CANON FOR YOU TO SHIP IT. As a veteran, I'm so shocked at the entitlement of NEEDING your favourite ship to be canon because that's the only way it's valid.
Please, grow up and understand that things don't happen in this world just because you want them to. Canon or not shouldn't stop you from being able to enjoy the dynamic.
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haloburns · 1 day
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the mile high job is, hands down, one of the fucking BEST episodes in the entire series
i saw a post talking about that poor flight attendant and how fucking FUNNY the episode would be from her pov, but like. there is so much happening in this episode that is pure gold
parker playing flight attendant and being TERRIBLE at it, and the other attendant just.....being annoyed with her but not bothering to correct her or say anything. she is NOT paid enough for this bullshit
eliot just...being an air marshal. being grumpy and disgruntled the ENTIRE flight. telling that guy to watch the movie instead of watching eliot rifle thru other people's belongings with ZERO explanation of what he's doing. fighting a dude in an PLANE BATHROOM and then stealing his knife
nate and sophie having a marital dispute the ENTIRE EPISODE and not really being much help overall
and hardison... hardison MY BELOVED he's playing office and he's having the time of his LIFE. getting in by pretending to be a maintenance guy who doesn't speak english. gaslighting the guy who got off the elevator next to him into thinking he's just being racist when he (correctly) concludes that hardison and the maintenance guy are the same person. hijacking a meeting and running it well. redirecting everyone by pretending its his birthday. wearing the silly hat while wrapping up the con. pretending to get fired so he has an exit. DOING HIS JOB SO WELL THAT HE MAKES CHERYL BELIEVE HE'S ACTUALLY WORKED THERE THE ENTIRE TIME.
and then, of course, there's the whole "landing a plane on an ocean highway" that never fails to give me cold chills bc like. imagine ur drivin down that highway, normal thursday, when u hear a plane overhead. not unusual, but it sounds a little close.... and then you fucking SEE the plane pass over you REALLY FUCKING CLOSE before coming to a stop just ahead of u
truly one of my favorite episodes of all time
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yanderes-galore · 2 days
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Hey! requesting some HCs for Ranni (Elden Ring). Thank you!
I watched her cutscenes, I watched her lore, and I'm still not entirely sure what's going on but that's normal for this kind of game. Pardon me if there's something wrong in this concept... I am trying. ALSO, the term "Elden Lord" is used, but it's gender neutral just like in the game.
Sorry if it isn't intense... I will appreciate feedback from the Elden Ring fans.
Yandere! Ranni the Witch Concept
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Violence, Isolation, Stalking, Dubious relationship.
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I imagine Ranni's darling is the one who helps her achieve her Age of Stars.
You are her Tarnished who came to her at her call.
She needs someone to help her achieve her fate and destiny.
For most of her obsession, you may actually be a willing participant.
Right up until the end when you begin to realize something may be off.
Like most of Elden Ring's yanderes I feel, Ranni isn't all that intense.
She'd mostly watch her obsession through their journey to aid her.
She watches you closely, even if you may not know it.
She sees how you interact with her cohorts and how you fight in battle.
You are a promising Tarnished in her eyes... She can tell through the way you speak and fight.
Sooner or later, she'll deem you the perfect Elden Lord for her new age.
To Ranni, meeting her obsession was yet another destiny she was meant to meet.
To her, you two were always meant to be.
Her chosen Elden Lord.
Her obsession would span throughout her side quest to get the Age of Stars ending.
Since in that ending... Ranni and The Tarnished (you) marry as God and Elden Lord.
That would be the general story idea... Ranni obsessing over her most devoted helper.
At the beginning, she tries not to show much of her favoritism.
Although, by the time you defeat Radahn and unfreeze the stars, she shows her fondness more.
In terms of her overall behavior, I imagine she's mostly the observing type, watching you from a distance and praising your efforts when you meet her.
Ranni prefers to meet you as her larger life-sized doll form.
However, when you pick up her smaller form, she doesn't mind the idea of being held by you while you share a conversation.
Her obsession is unintentional.
She originally doesn't think you'll survive her requests.
Yet when you prove yourself by meeting her again... she thinks you'll prove to be useful to her for her plans.
Then from there... the moon witch begins to grow fond of you.
She's a subtle manipulation yandere, instructing her beloved to follow her every word like a divine command.
She watches over them through her dolls, often wondering when their next meeting will be.
Her obsession starts as curiosity.
As if she's wondering if you'll really be someone she can trust.
However, once you retrieve the lost treasure of Nokron...
She knows you're hers.
Before you even find the Dark Moon ring, Ranni has claimed you as her Tarnished.
You are not loyal to any other covenant, just hers.
Which must mean she has your heart, body, and soul as hers.
In a way, like other yandere covenant/religion leaders or deities, your loyalty makes her feel she has a claim over you.
To differ from canon a bit, maybe Ranni instructs you to find the Dark Moon ring.
She doesn't tell you for what, a subtle trick.
She just gives you small lies, deceiving you by saying it was a gift from her mother that she wants back.
Then she instructs you through her smaller doll to find her location.
Unlike in the game, where she's surprised you are choosing to be her Elden Lord...
She would deceive you into being hers once you slip the ring on one of her fingers.
This is a yandere story, after all, a dark romance.
Her deceiving her Tarnished, her obsession, into being hers in her new age would be something she'd do.
You aren't quite sure what you've done until Ranni appears, claiming you to be her Elden Lord.
There's a ghost of a smile on her face while she watches your shocked expression.
As if challenging you to rebel against her now that such a ritual has been done.
She doesn't think you'll refuse if you've gone this far to listen to her.
As her new consort, you are given the task of removing her old cohorts and defeating her Shadow, Blaidd.
Then after that, she oversees you defeating Queen Marika... Radagon... her traitorous parent of a dreaded Golden Order.
By the end of it, Ranni appears to greet you and the shattered corpse of Marika.
You can't help but feel a chill run down your spine.
Ranni merely greets you with a smile yet again, thanking you for helping her achieve her Age of Stars.
Unfortunately... You cannot part from her now.
Every God requires their Elden Lord.
Their consort.
It doesn't matter if you try to back out now or agree.
Your fate and destiny are sealed.
She may have tricked you, yes...
But she assures you she does it out of love, she only feels love for her beloved consort.
She takes your hand... and you just feel cold.
She grins teasingly, leaning closer as she congratulates you...
A cold kiss cooling your warm lips.
You two are meant to be together now... forever in her new age...
You'll be hers forever...
Just the two of you, overseeing the people in the Age of Stars... Together forever... Just as destiny told her.
You can't fight your destiny... no matter how hard you try... she'll always just tug you back with a kiss... She's as cold as the Dark Moon itself.
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#I'm so tired explaining to my nt parents my “ disordered eating''#YES I'M FUCKING AWARE THAT NOT BEING HUNGRY ISN'T NORMAL#i figured that shit out over my 18 years on this planet#food sometimes makes my want to gag#i find it really unappealing#I'm not hungry a good amount of those times#or just too tierd to put the food on my plate#ik shocker that's not normal either#but i can't help it#if i could i fucking would#telling that it's not normal doesn't actually help me with it#idk what's wrong with me#and yeah i don't care that much about fixing it#I'm tiered always stressed and doing many other things to fix this#i take advantage of it though to a degree bc dieting and loosing weight has been on my mind since preschool#it's sad af#i remember looking down at my stomach and thinking that i need to loose some weight#i remember how sad i was the next couple of days bc i couldn't restrict myself from eating as easily as i could in the past#i was probably 5 fucking years old but at this point is a core memory of mine#i wish i could love eating again as much as i did#but i can't#whatever is wrong with my head has messed with my appetite so badly that i can't go back#diet culture has convinced me that gaining weight is bad even though I'm underweight and need to#but same as the last time this happened i don't do it on purpose this time at least I'm self aware enough to stop it before it reaches the#point of starting to loose my hair#it's messy and complicated i don't know how to fix it but their response doesn't help either it makes things worse
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angelthemanspanker · 7 months
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The way some people characterise Buffy in fics like you described genuinely put me off Buffy fandom for years, it was absolutely everywhere, in Spuffy fics, in faith/buffy fics, it felt like I couldn't read a fic without the obligatory 'Buffy apologises to whoever the fuck for being so mean' and I just stopped, it was so baffling
For real its so weirdly pervasive. It genuinely blows my mind bc I totally get the urge to use your fic to call out a character/plot point you don't like, more power to you. Like I'm constantly imagining rewrites of the scenes where Xander is at his most insufferable but no one in-show is verbalising obvious holes in his bullshit (my big one is that besides a one off line from Buffy that everyone in the show ignores and a DELETED line from Giles is that NO ONE calls him on his absolutely infuriating "I was jealous of Angel being with the girl I like and I'm gonna have the gall to pretend it was bc I saw him turning evil coming" BULLSHIT)
But like. Buffy? You came out of this show and the person you had beef with and want to call out is BUFFY? THE VAMPIRE SLAYER? The protagonist of all time? Bc she's mean sometimes :( people try to apologise for trying to kill her and she's so unsympathetic :( she carries out her responsibility as the Slayer whether she wants to or not even if the person she's targeting is a character I like :( why won't she apologise. why won't she apologise. why does she insist on taking up space. why can't she just be nice all the time. yes my ao3 tag is princessspuffy why do you ask. yeah I know their relationship is abusive but I think Spike would forgive her :)
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moghedien · 8 months
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i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
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maudiemoods · 1 year
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Ok not cool why am I hearing voices
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numberoneanika · 3 months
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Honestly the roleplay blogs are stronger than I am because if I saw a post where people were saying my blog was annoying and calling me corny I would jump in a large pit and rot away
#I don't think I should tag this one#Okay I've typed my emotions out. For a more normal way to put it: While it makes sense to be upset#best move. I'm sure the blogs in question would be happier if you just told them about the roleplay guidelines than if you made a post#where multiple people call them annoying. Like can you imagine if someone said that about a writing blog#'So sick of x reader fics in the tag I don't want to see that and they're all so out of character' What a dick move.#It is a different case with rp blogs I'll give you that. But I think the principle of the matter stands#unless it doesn't and everything I said is stupid#original ramble below I was so mad for some reason. im not mad at anyone really. everyone is cool. love you guys#I get why people are unhappy that theyre clogging up the tags#like despiar dev said not to and people want to see content of despiar thyme not just ask blogs#I saw someone say they just blocked them and like. I get why. however. people do not know everything#but my brother in Christ you're not helping the matter!!!!!!!!1 send them a screenshot of what despiar dev said!!!!help other people!!!!!!!#just politely tell them instead of weirdly vague posting it helps everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe they just don't know#misspelling the tags so no one finds this post. I will actually be so pissed if people find this and r upset#Oh I'm sorry THIS is the post you're noticing? You have followed me for over six months and you haven't said anything about any other negat#negative feelings i've expressed. I see how it is#I wish the drdt confessions account was still open but whatever fucking whatever#sui mention#personal vent#whatever I guess
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void-botanist · 6 months
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19, 20, 21, 22 for the polycule of your choice? :0
whoops we're doing it for two of them :3 and I'll include Heith too
19 - Summarize your character's goals in one sentence.
Marcus: be okay and go home, but also never have to tell Heith about all of his lies by omission
Heith: figure out if she's actually for real serious about Marcus (she thinks she might be actually for real serious about Marcus) and one way or another move out of her hotel room on Aephar
Yera: be a mom and try to make peace with the fact that Marcus is not here to be a part of the family
Hossan: be a dad and help Umedes figure themself out
Gren: see Marcus again and hopefully find out that there was no need to be jealous about his girlfriend, and make sure everyone's okay, especially the baby
Pali: prevent Kiatcarmen from finding Marcus (though that isn't a very active job), make sure the shifter coalition in the court doesn't budge, and get somewhere with her studies of shifter magic
Umedes: figure out whether they want to have a kid or not help
Kiatcarmen: find Marcus, because Minaya must not ascend, and do whatever else she can to preserve her accomplishments in the kingdom
Pirianus: broaden Kiatcarmen's vision beyond legacy, or, failing that, as he has for some 30+ years, get her to open up to him
Caladea: see Marcus again, and for his polycule's sake believe with all her heart the lies they tell Kiatcarmen
Thade: continue completing the political project du jour and end up in a happily ever after with Pirianus, which might also make him more welcome in the palace
Orvi: complete the one thing he was installed in the palace to accomplish
20 - Who's in the way of those goals?
Marcus: his mother. Always his mother. And honestly a little bit himself
Heith: herself, mostly. This is so not like her - well, specifically the part where she's still here when there have been plenty of times to go home
Yera: realistically, Kiatcarmen. But she still sometimes feels like she's lost some of her verve
Hossan: Umedes is the big challenge here. They're just so indecisive
Gren: Kiatcarmen, but sometimes it's easier to focus on the fact that Marcus has an interstellar girlfriend that none of them have ever met and that's so frustrating
Pali: herself. There aren't enough hours in the day for everything, and she has to sleep ugh
Umedes: themself, because they were the one who said this would be a great idea for when Marcus comes back. Who 100% believed Pali and Minaya and her ferasca spouses that this would go great. And who also took one look at Yera & Hossan's baby and thought that maybe they were signing up for more than they realized
Kiatcarmen: Marcus. Always Marcus. But she also blames Minaya and Yera and Pali for his disappearance, and she needs Pirianus to just shut up. This would have been so much easier with Jimmy
Pirianus: Kiatcarmen because he put his eggs all in one basket. But he mostly blames himself
Caladea: Kiatcarmen, but she tries to focus on what she can do better, and how she's getting in her own way
Thade: he's beginning to suspect he's been in his own way this entire time but it can't be understated how much Pirianus is constantly hot and cold
Orvi: it changes frequently, but always some contingent of the court
21 - What is your character's relationship with their emotions?
Marcus: he can't control his bad emotions, so he suppresses them. This has never caused any problems
Heith: she's just as cynical about her emotions as she is about everything else, but sometimes she just can't not feel something completely unironically
Yera: she's gonna feel them whatever they are so [grits teeth] negative emotions are part of the fullness of experience (she will be screaming into this pillow later)
Hossan: left to his own devices, he would feel his emotions, and then let them cast away upon the wind. Being with Yera and Gren has made him learn how to interrogate them more
Gren: he feels everything. A lot. He also conceptualizes things in terms of feelings a lot
Pali: she would like to believe she doesn't have them, but then she lays awake at night deconstructing them
Umedes: they tend to put intense feelings away for later, but don't ever get to later unless later comes for them first
Kiatcarmen: her emotions are so rich and nuanced and nobody understands that, so all of her emotions collapse into some flavor of annoyance
Pirianus: don't like that feeling? Repress it! This will never result in it returning in continually more warped and incomprehensible forms
Caladea: being in the palace seems to have stunted her emotions - they're flatter, duller, and way more anxious no matter what they are
Thade: don't like that feeling? Deflect it! The more mirrors there are between you and your emotions the less you will ever know what they are and the less you can ever be responsible for them
Orvi: he has a mental Tupperware for emotions that allows him to keep control of himself. He is the only person on this list who will actually open that Tupperware on purpose later
22 - What regrets do they have, if any? (From any part of the story, not just exposition.)
Marcus: missing out on eight years of his "real" life, and especially not being there when Gren's grandmother died. If only he'd been stronger, he could have stayed
Heith: before finding out about Marcus, that she's kind of a flake to her band, but they don't seem to mind that much. After finding out about Marcus, that she ever thought there was some kind of "magic" between them and maybe she could feel naïve about love for two seconds
Yera: she regretted drifting away from her father and sister, so she's fixing that now
Hossan: most of his regrets are from the now-distant past and don't make much sense - even he will say so - but he always finds himself regretting that he can't seem to do more for people
Gren: not going home even more before his grandmother died, even though he was practically splitting his time between his home city and the palace. He also regrets letting Marcus leave, even though he had to, and there was no other real choice
Pali: after getting married, she got more distant from her professor mentor, and the regret hit her hard when they died
Umedes: most immediately, thinking that having a kid was a good idea (they are beginning to think that this is a pregnancy kink that got out of hand). But more than anything they regret not going with Marcus, even though they couldn't
Kiatcarmen: Ashmalo was a liability, but she still regrets that he died (despite her image she does not think that assassination is the right way to deal with most problems, including Ashmalo). Conversely, she regrets that she couldn't save Jimmy, even though medical science itself could not have saved Jimmy. She also regrets letting Minaya slip out from under her thumb, because if she hadn't, she wouldn't be stuck looking for her runaway son
Pirianus: that he can't seem to permanently extract himself from Thade. If he stops and thinks about it (read: gets drunk and sad) he regrets spending so many years of his life trying to get through to a woman who would just as soon throw him to the dogs
Caladea: that she couldn't do more for Marcus or Minaya or Ashmalo, and that she still can't. And that being stuck in the palace has left her struggling to try and pick up the pieces of her creativity and her passion even though it should have given her unlimited resources to pursue them
Thade: things he's said to people. Most of them used to be seared in his brain because he thought they were funny, and eventually he figured out that oh, maybe they weren't. But some of them seemed bad from the moment they came out of his mouth (not before that, unfortunately, because he wasn't thinking about it) and he wishes he could take them back for real, especially the things he's said to Pirianus
Orvi: that he's still here. He had one thing to accomplish, and even though it was complex, it's taking SO. LONG. He knew that marrying into the royal family meant that he probably wasn't going to permanently go home again, but the longer this drags on the less he even wants to show his face there, and he wonders if it was worth it at all
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unityrain24 · 1 month
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you don't have to read this i just have so much pent-up in my head.
(if you do tho the tags are just as important as the post.)
i wish i could make people unfollow me without blocking them? bc like. every single palestine ask i get (whether spam or real) they follow me. even though it's not set up so only followers can send asks. i think they do it because like, then they think i will be more willing to help? bc follower counts are so important on other platforms and to most people, it's probably like an exchange? They do the nicety of adding to my follower count and so i will be more willing to donate money to their cause? but like. i don't want followers just for followers. it makes me uncomfortable. i've got a little over 150 followers right now but probably a third are palestine fundraiser blogs (and a few bots i can't tell are bots or not and promotional spam). it makes me uncomfortable? it makes me feel like the numbers a lie? i want the people following me to be there because they actually care about my blog/me?
obviously i don't want to block these people! they are in a genocide trying to do whatever they can to survive! they are on here trying to ask anyone and everyone so that out of the hundred of people they ask maybe one or two can donate a few dollars! they are trying every tactic they can to make people listen to them! following! posting photos! using eye-catching colours and fonts! writing out their stories! all things that are emotionally and or/physicaly exhausting and draining all in an attempt to just get someone to listen! and honestly it's sort of unfair that they have to follow random people and clog up their dash with random stuff just so people are more willing to help (obviously most of these people didn't have tumblr before and aren't here for the dash, but i imagine a dash full of palestine help would be less overwhelming than a huge mass of random fandoms while you go find people to ask).
#i also get. so. many. palestine asks. and i do think a good chunk are spam but a good chunk are real too and i can't tell the difference#but it really stresses me out how i get so many bc like. i do not have the money to help you people.#and i have said that on every ask ive answered#and the majority of my following doesn't really have the money either. and plenty of them aare struggling for money and asking for help#& now im mounted with tens & tens & tens of asks in my ask box of people i cant help my following cant help & i don't know are real or not#but i have this duty to share them anyways bc even if i can't donate just sharing helps#but again i don't even know which are real#and it's overwhelming and stressful#but then how pathetic/inappropriate is it to feel that way compared to what they are going through?#they are in a genocide and i'm “uncomfortable” at the amount of asks pleading for help in my ask box???#that's fucked up!!!#and why am i even saying i don't have the money to help? i don't have a job and have never had one but i've saved up a bit for a few years#for a special occasion like my birthday or a legal name change or something#who cares if i get that? they can't either! and they are a lot worse of without it than i am without it!#and i have money from a car accident a few years ago from when i was in a car accident that will be all the money to my name once i cut my#parents off. it's all i'll have to try getting housing and maybe film school and such before i can get a job#but why not give them all of that too! who cares if i give away all my money and i live in a cardboard box in the side of the road!#a cardboard box on the side of the road would still be better living conditions than what they are going through!#and if i can make their life better without making my life worse than theirs don't a have a moral obligation to?#so why don't i do that!#what is wrong with me!#unityrain.txt#moral ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#ocd#actually ocd#maube i shouldn't tag this as palestine#palestine.#<-with a period.#so that way it doesn't show up in people following the normal tag
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terresdebrume · 3 months
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Walked 2 times 30mn today, without the brace. Did not do squats, but I also experienced much fewer tremors in the thigh, so we'll give it a try again the day after tomorrow (with the brace on and a reduced walk time).
In the meantime, we'll see if I can maintain 2x30mn for a while, and if it goes well I'll switch to 40+20mn of walking to keep working towards the goal of walking at least 1h at a time so that it's finally financially viable to go to the gym and use the machinery there x)
It's still frustrating that I can't just do everything at once/be better but I'm really trying to be careful about this because slow and steady protects you from reinjury.
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dangerpronebuddie · 4 months
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dixiedingo · 1 year
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Bahhh
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atissi · 2 years
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@james-fun-in-the-sunderland​ drawing is a curse but getting to have an image of gay people kissing is a blessing
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candied-cae · 1 year
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And Who Are We At The End Of The World? - Freaks and Fools
Chapter 15/? - - - Read it on AO3
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]
Word Count: 9,634
Summary: While they await the final verdict, passing the hours by until the Hawkins Police decide what will happen to Eddie Munson, a few of them have some fun in his hospital room. A few others hammer out the details with the government operatives. And, eventually, the shoe has to drop...
What's going to happen so they can move on from Spring Break?
More ST Fics
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While most of the party was making their way to the high school, agreed upon gathering around one of the tables outside, one faded yellow pizza van was arriving at the hospital. Argyle got them parked, and Robin was swinging the door open for their two smaller backseat passengers to climb out. El, of course, was someone they already expected to bring. To make sure she didn’t get cornered somewhere alone while the others got things figured out. But Erica was also trailing along. She had promised to check on Max first thing for her brother while he was off with Dustin, telling the rest of Hellfire a good cover story for what was going on.
“Come along, ladies,” Robin grinned at the two as they hopped out onto the parking lot.
The older kids escorted the younger of them to check in and obtain their visitor passes and waved to Officer Nichols. He was posted outside Eddie’s room on a chair in the hallway, flipping through the morning paper while he sipped on a cup of crappy hospital coffee. He returned the gesture with a tip of his cup while Argyle hovered behind Erica, following her into Max’s room while she made her visit. The other two went for the door across the hall as Robin poked her head through first.
She actually had a particular question she’d been asked to extend before El came in with her.
“Heeyyy, Eddie?” she asked as she cracked open the door to the guy’s room, wearing a big, bright smile to hopefully win him over effortlessly.
Eddie looked over from the tv set quietly playing a cartoon. There was a second of confusion when he saw her face - only having expected to see El’s - when he noticed the expression spread across it. She had a suspicious kind of smile that cued him that she had a favor in mind,“ What do you want?”
The thing was that when Robin was getting picked up, the girl had stepped out of the car to say something before she got buckled in. Robin leaned over and El whispered to her something about when she had the sleepover with Max over the summer. That she’d mentioned wishing she could paint her nails. Max might’ve been a rough and tough kind of girl, but she liked feeling pretty and special too. But as active a kid as Max was, it would just chip off in no time. So the girl never really went through the trouble, even though she liked the look of them. And well… Max wasn’t really going to be doing too much right now… so El wanted to paint her nails as a little surprise for when she woke up.
But El had never even painted her own before, so surely it wouldn’t go very well.
So Robin had an idea.
She stepped a little further into the room and put her hands together,“ So, El needs to practice.”
“Practice?” he quoted back to her, his confusion coming back quickly.
“Painting nails.” Robin clarified,” She wants to paint Max’s. I offered to do it for her, but she really wants to do it herself.”
“And, what does that have to do with me?”
Robin hummed her words and came in just a little closer,“ Well, you don’t really need your hands, you know? Can’t even move them very far at the moment, so…”
“No.” he stopped her quickly.
“Come on! You’re not busy right now!” she argued.
With a wave of his hands, as far as they could while he was under the charges and restrained, he threw back,“ Offer her yours!”
“Mine are already painted! Obviously!” she told him, flashing her maroon-tipped fingers at him with a stern face.
And then Eddie was silent.
Considering.
Could he really say no? Even if it was being said to Robin’s face, it was really being said to El. And the girl did save his life. And she was kind of his favorite. And he liked Little Red. And he felt pretty bad for both of them…
“Fine.” He gritted out through clenched teeth,” But I’ll only accept black polish. Nothing frilly, or you’ll mess up my vibe.”
“I assumed that would be your preference.” Robin smiled to herself, pulling a bottle of black nail polish out of her back pocket that she nabbed when she came up with the idea,“ El! Come on, he’s in!”
The girl timidly joined them, her own hands tucked into the sleeves of her sweatshirt as she came forward to Eddie’s bedside.
He splayed his hand out for her and dropped his voice to sing a line,” I want it painted blaaack~”
He was hoping for a smile. Or a laugh. Or just, something to let him know he was funny and making the situation entertaining. But she just looked at him with a blank expression. And then her eyes drifted up at Robin, who was pulling up another chair, like she was asking for help with the comment.
“Come on. The Rolling Stones,” he explained, because maybe she didn’t know their whole discography, but she had to at least know the name.
But nothing. She just looked back at him, not even a glint of recognition behind her eyes.
“Okay, seriously? The Rolling Stones? You don’t know The Rolling Stones? They aren’t my favorite or anything, but geez- have you been living under a rock, girlie? They’ve been makin’ music for like twenty years.”
Robin chastised him with a gentle smack to his shoulder for expecting the kid, who had never been outside of a lab until three years before, to know about any musical artists except for her favorites. The two girls were getting sat down side-by-side on Eddie’s right hand when Arygle and Erica came into the room. They made themselves at home in the other chairs on Eddie’s left side and watched what was playing, which turned out to be an episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You!
It was slow work of the pair on his hand. Robin was showing El a comfortable way to hold it and get a good angle for the brush. Showing her how to wipe off the excess polish in the rim of the bottle, and how to start in the middle before working her way back and pulling it along the sides to make it clean and easy to keep on the nail.
“Doesn’t get very messy if you don’t stress and take your time. ’Course, if you do get outside the lines a bit, not a big deal.” She added and exemplified with his pointer finger, letting the brush barely slip over the side,” I just take my thumb and gently scrape the little bit off of the skin with my nail to fix up the edges, like this-”
“Ow!” Eddie complained and shot Robin a glare.
She ignored the dramatics to whisper to El,” It doesn’t really hurt-”
“Yes, it does,” he insisted,” You just dug your nail into my- my-” he struggled for the word.
“Your cuticle?” Robin finished for him.
“Yeah! And it’s pointy, Robin!”
She rolled her eyes at him,“ It doesn’t hurt, El. Boys are just wimps. Max’ll be way tougher than this patient. When you do hers, she won’t even feel it-”
Robin had said it quickly. Absentmindedly. For a second, forgetting that Max was in a coma and couldn’t feel anything at all. And El didn’t look like the words hit her too badly, but Robin started sputtering anyway.
“I mean, even if she was awake, she wouldn’t… Like, we all know Max is a tough cookie in her own right, and she’d be fine. And she will be fine! And girls really do handle things better! The whole ‘beauty is pain’ thing and- Boys really complain about this sorta stuff way more and…” she fizzled out of her defense and added one last note,” It really doesn’t hurt. Promise.”
El simply nodded back.
“Says you.” Eddie grumbled to himself,“ How many slumber parties you been to where they train you mini-torturers anyway?”
Robin shrugged and focused on holding his middle finger for El to try painting on,“ Oh, none. I just sometimes make Steve try colors out with me when I can’t pick one. But he’s antsy and always picks it off within the hour, so… I get lots of practice.”
“You’re lying,” he dismissed the idea quickly.
She just quirked an eyebrow at him with a quiet “Am I?” that left him wondering.
Before Eddie could consider her words much further, Argyle was leaning over to Erica and asking who she thought the bad guy was for this particular episode. Now, of course, he’d already seen it and remembered who was hiding under the mask. So did Robin and Eddie. But Erica thumbed at her chin and hummed while recounting some of the plot.
“Weighing the variables," she’d said.
And the conversation moved on. Robin passed Eddie’s hands into El’s so she could continue, and the room was alight with the discussion of a far simpler mystery than the one they had waiting for them in the real world. And El was shy about it for a bit. She hesitated to take his hand, and she was stiff and extra careful with it when she held it. Like his hands were delicate and fragile. But after a few minutes rolled by, she was sufficiently focused on her paint job, instead of the fact that the hand was connected to someone. She started to relax around them. Letting their conversation pass over her while she soaked it up. Listening, but not worried about answering herself.
It was comfortable and easy.
The rest of the crew was less so at comfort or at ease.
The folks who were sent off to the meeting had all gathered around a cement table with the slow traffic of townspeople around them. Some of them go inside. Some of them leave. Some of them were just milling about like they didn’t know what to do.
Nobody really knew what to do. This sort of tragedy wasn’t something Hawkins had ever been faced with. And even the people who knew what was really going on didn’t know exactly what to do.
They had the barebones of a game plan. The idea was to get some tapes set up so they had a shield or buffer between them and Vecna when they rode into battle. And the understanding that they needed to find a way to take to that fight as soon as possible, preferably before Vecna got himself fully pulled back together. But there wasn’t anything solid. Nothing to really stand on except shifting quicksand.
Which was a maddening reality.
Nancy was mad, in case no one noticed.
She kept finding herself mad, what felt like all the time.
It felt like she just had this hair trigger, and so many things set it off.
And now she was meeting with a woman who kept pissing her off. So surely she was going to get even madder within the next few minutes. But she was meeting up with her with Jonathan, Steve, Joyce, and Hopper by her side. And - if the way he kept his arms crossed and his expression sour after Nancy pointed out that they handed El back to Dr. Brenner was any hint - Hop would be right there with her on being pissed off. They also had Will and Mike. They tried to leave them behind, but they both insisted on coming with them.
They hadn’t been there waiting very long. Maybe ten or so minutes. Sitting silently together. Because they didn’t really have much to say to each other. Next to her, though, Mike sat with a bouncing knee.
Then, just as Nancy was thinking she would need to snap at her brother for being incapable of sitting still- three agents strolled up.
They were all dressed in uniformity: dark, neutral suits and trench coats, hats and sunglasses, glossy, black dress shoes, and the exact same silver watches on each of their wrists. They were headed by the same woman Nancy kept butting heads with. She walked in the middle while two men were just shortly behind. And she was the only one with a briefcase tight in her fixed grip. The other two didn’t have one, but when the wind whipped and their coats opened, she could catch sight of the holsters on their hips.
“This isn’t all of you,” the man on the left said in place of a greeting. He was a tall and lanky guy. Bushy eyebrows and slicked, jet-black hair that just barely poked out of his fedora.
“No. It’s not.” Hopper answered, though clearly not giving up the information the man wanted him to. Silently challenging the guy to push it. See how tough he really thought he was. Hop took a step forward and told him,” But it’s everyone you’re going to get. So, let’s talk.”
“Let’s.”
The woman cut between them, seeming to try and soften the tension, though Nancy felt like she did the opposite every time she’d seen her,“ Why don’t we start with what happened to you? It’s been months since you were presumed dead-”
“Eight months,” the guy on the right clarified. Shorter than the other. With a mop of dirty blonde on his head and a speckling of freckles across his cheeks.
Hop just shrugged and blew between his lips casually,“ Not much. Blew up the mall gate. Wasn’t enough to kill me. Russians came back. Found me. Smuggled me out. Threw me in a cell. Sat in prison til we snuck our way back over.”
“You say that like it’s simple-” the woman started.
“It’s the simplest part of this mess because it’s over and dealt with.” He declared,” So let’s skip to the next part: the bullshit happening right here, right now.”
And she didn’t really seem to like that answer. Probably something about paperwork and files that would be left blank or vague about his unaccounted-for time. But the blonde didn’t hold any argument.
“So, what do you know?” he asked, content with moving right along to the current shit show.
“We know there’s a problem in fair Verona. A disagreement.” Will spoke up. Having just covered the play in Lenora, the legendary dueling families were fresh on his mind. And the need to know if these people were friends or foes to his sister was one of the most urgent concerns he'd been thinking over time and time again.
And then, as if Mike was right there in his head, he continued the comparison,“ A disagreement about what to do with El. So, are you Montagues or Capulets?”
The woman rolled her eyes, and with an exasperated tone said,“ We’re in this with Dr. Owens. We know the girl didn’t cause all of this-”
“But we don’t know what did.” The blonde stepped forward to insist,” Care to enlighten us with what you’ve found out while you were running around?”
Nancy shifted in her seat,“ How much do you know about Dr. Brenner’s original experiment?”
“His data’s on a need-to-know basis,” he returned.
“So nothing? Or just about?” Nancy guessed. Enjoying just a little bit of how it felt to know more than them about the atrocities of their department’s precious scientist.
“The point?” the black-haired one pushed.
“Well - since it’s all ‘need-to-know’ at this point anyway - the first child he snatched for his superpowered kids game was Henry Creel. I assume you’ve at least looked into what happened at the Creel house a few decades ago considering the similarity in the recent murders?”
The woman gritted her teeth,“ Yes, we have-”
“Good.” Nancy steamrolled on through,” After those, the doctor got custody of him. Made him subject number one of his great experiment. Used him as the blueprint to try and replicate his… condition, in others. But, if the dead and tortured family was any indication, he wasn’t very stable. For some reason, or other, the doctor removed him from the experiment and kept him in the lab to keep an eye on him. Gave him an implant that suppressed his abilities. Henry didn’t like that. So when he got the implant out and had the opportunity to use them again, he killed over a dozen of the newer models and just about every member of staff at the lab.”
“El,” Mike jumped in,” was the one who stopped him from getting out by getting rid of him. She was stronger. Trapped him in the Upside Down all on her own. Practically by accident. On instinct. So he couldn’t hurt more people.”
“Sounds like a happy ending. Just one problem: what’s he been doing causing death and destruction over the course of these last two weeks then?” the taller man asked.
“It’s not been just these past two weeks. Every time we’ve had… an ‘event’ it’s been him trying to get back. Get back here.” Joyce informed.
Hop summarized the timeline,“ Three years ago, Dr. Brenner was pushing her, and she made contact in the Upside Down. Once Henry found out there that there must be a way to reopen that connection, he was. He’s been trying to claw a way back here and finish business. Which we’re all pretty keen on not letting him do.”
“Why- What does he want to do that we can’t let happen? If he’s just trying to come back, why doesn’t El just open the door and let him through so all the other things stop mixing in?” the woman asked, rubbing her temples.
“He wants to destroy everything,” Nancy answered. Cold. Remembering what he showed her. His promise for what he’d do.
The air of the conversation shifted. The three of them were finally starting to understand the stakes at play this time.
“It wasn’t just about hurting the people in the lab that made him a prisoner. He wants to get rid of all of it.” Jonathan explained a little further.
“What would he even gain from that?”
Nancy took back over,“ He thinks humanity is a failure. A calamity with faults so deeply ingrained in us that the only choice is to start creation, civilization, all over again. In his image of what’s right and natural, of course.”
“And- where do we stand with this? With keeping this from happening?”
“He needed to take four lives to open the gate and get back onto this side. We met him in the Upside Down while he was staking out Max and lit his ass up.” Steve answered with a slight nudge to Nancy’s shoulder for being the one to fire the buckshot right into his ugly mug.
“But it wasn’t enough.” She admitted,” Max died. And he disappeared when the gate opened, but El kept her from staying dead, so the gate snapped shut again. We don’t know what happened after that. He could be in some kind of limbo between dimensions, or hiding out somewhere here, or still on the other side. We just don’t know. Will can’t feel him.”
The blonde looked at the boy,“ You can’t?”
Will shook his head,“ Not like the last times he’s come back. He’s not totally there, sparking things up again. But he’s not gone. He’s still there, just… small, and- and it’s like he’s curled up in some corner. Putting himself back together.”
“And what happens when he’s got himself straightened out?” the other man asked, unkept eyebrows raised.
Nancy let out a remorseful huff,“ Best guess is he tries to brute force the gate back open with Max’s half-death. Or he’ll try to reach back over and finish the job. Maybe even go after someone new if he has to, but he doesn't like losing, so surely he wants to get at Max.”
“Which we won’t let happen.” Steve needed to say.
The agents looked… off-kilter. Like they’d been rocked off of their foundation for the first time. The first real surprise. They were used to dealing with weird things. Unusual, inexplicable things. Dangerous things. But this was a whole new ball game, and there were finally getting a lay of just how messed up the land was this time.
“And what of the NINA Project?” the woman steered the conversation, wanting to finish fleshing out where they all stood within the organization.
“We didn’t stick around long. But what we did see was a lot of bodies, a lot of fire, a helicopter fell out of the sky… and Dr. Brenner can’t hurt El anymore.” Jonathan filled in.
“Dr. Owens?”
“Didn’t see him.” Will said,” We’ve been telling El to take it easy after the fight and trying to find One again, so she hasn’t tried to find him yet, but she doesn’t know what happened. Didn’t see him after Brenner drugged her.”
“But the girl, the project itself, it was successful…?”
Mike confirmed,“ Her powers are back. Stronger than they were when they went away. But that doesn’t mean that this will just get taken care of with a snap of her fingers when we find him. She threw everything she had at him-”
Nancy threw in,“ While the rest of us were risking our lives doing the same-”
“-And all that didn’t finish him off. Somehow, he’s still kicking. And he’s going to keep trying to get back over here if we can’t take the fight to him and end it for real.”
The three agents were silent for a minute. Processing, if the locals had to guess. Trying to figure out what it all meant and what options they had. They all looked deflated by the time the woman spoke up.
“What’s the plan?”
“Wow, you don’t have one for us? Shocker.” Nancy cut out.
“We-”
“It’s so surprising that you are, yet again, useless.”
Joyce put her hand over Nancy’s to try and soothe her,” We’ll figure it out.”
The woman sounded humbled, quieter, when she next asked,“ What can we do?”
And maybe that was it.
Maybe that’s what Nancy has been waiting to see. To see them accept it, just accept that they messed up. Accept that they didn’t have all the answers. That they were wrong. They didn’t say it outright. That was probably lesson one when they joined the supernatural clean-up crew: Not admitting culpability.
But that silence. And the question that followed.
It did something. Took some pressure off the hair-trigger of Nancy’s rage. Because it meant she’d been justified before. She was right and now they knew it.
She took a breath and calmly asked,“ Can you bankroll a trip to the RadioShack and wherever else we go to for supplies?”
And the woman nodded,“ We can do that."
“And Eddie and Max’s hospital bills,” Mike added.
“And when two more come to town, we need to get their citizenship worked out.” Joyce considered the Antonov’s.
“And find a way to make sure the California Stowaways don’t have any problems trying to graduate after this mess.” Jonathan thought for himself and Argyle.
“And, if you hear anything from Dr. Sam, you let us know. You let us know if you hear anything about unexplainable earthquakes, demo-murders, or general Upside Down related business. The minute you know. So we all stay on the same page.” Nancy spoke.
“And whatever Max wants when she wakes up, she gets. Period.” Steve added.
Jim pointed out,“ And guns. We’d like more guns.”
Nancy quickly agreed,“ I second the vote for guns.”
Which brought a smile to Hop’s face. That girl was something all her own.
“We’ll start working on things.” The man on the right said after he was done jotting things down in a notepad.
The three agents nodded a silent agreement and were about to walk away when the sight sparked something for Nancy.
“This is it?”
“What?” the woman asked her.
“This. The three of you. This is all of you that’s left. Isn’t it?”
The teens and two parents looked at her and then between the agents when they didn’t have a thing to say for themselves.
Jonathan questioned it next,“ Is she right?”
“We-” the leftie was about to lie when the woman cut him off for the simple truth.
“There are two others still working on contacting any of the team that might’ve made it out of the NINA Project. But besides that, this is all. We’re it.”
“You used to be dozens with a fleet of vans…” Mike wondered in shock, remembering the insurmountable difficulty they’d been to dodge three years before.
“The Capulets have made times difficult for the Montagues. We got stretched thin, and most of us that were trustworthy enough to stay on the force on Owen’s side went to work at the bunker in Nevada. The rest of us came out here when things started looking hairy. Which… isn’t a comforting reality, I’m sure. But, if you focus on fine-tuning that wishlist so we can be done with Fair Verona as a whole, maybe we still have a chance at getting out of this play better than the lovers did.”
Nobody really knew what to say. But the woman stepped forward and spoke directly to Nancy for her last lines.
“We’ll keep you updated with what we know, and you do the same. We haven’t gotten along well, up until this point. But we all want this to be over. And we all want to suffer as little damage as possible. We don’t have to be adversaries in getting across the finish line.”
Nancy met her gaze. And for the first time, she wasn’t so furious at the green staring down at her.
“Agreed.”
And then they were gone. Packed into black cars and driving off to “deal with business.”
And Nancy found herself left with… a vacancy where her anger had sat. She still had plenty to be mad about, but the focus of it that she had temporarily shifted onto the government suits was now gone. And she was left dissatisfied. And the hollow feeling wasn’t enough. It didn’t sit in her, filling her up and taking up her attention, like the anger did. And then she had to wonder if she might’ve made the whole mess worse than it needed to be. At least a little bit.
They were wrong for being in Hawkins and not saying anything, yes.
They were wrong for letting El suffer Dr. Brenner’s experiments again, yes.
They were wrong for taking down to her before, yes.
But she turned them into a big, evil monster in her head that they simply weren’t. They weren’t the monster they had to defeat at the end of the day. But maybe she’d decided they were because they got in her way enough and were something she could fight against while Vecna remained a big question mark in her notebook.
So maybe she’d been unnecessarily mean, fostered animosity between them because it felt better to have a reason. It felt better to have something to be mad at and yell in the face of.
Maybe she should be worried that it felt better to be mad at people who didn’t completely deserve it than to not have anything to do with herself.
“Welp,” Hopper clapped his hands on his legs and stood up, interrupting her train of thought,” I have a Chief of Police to soften up.”
“Bribery?” Joyce asked him, just a hint of judgment in her tone. Not much, though.
“If it works.”
After a little while, El had moved on to Eddie’s other hand. She was far more comfortable with holding it and painting along his short nails as she was reaching the end of her work. There was some discussion happening around her. Not one that she’d been paying much attention to for the last few minutes. She had followed along earlier. But over the last little bit of time, she’s had a question buzzing around her mind she really wanted to ask that was distracting her.
“Eddie?” she spoke quietly, not wanting to stop the room’s talk even if she was stealing his attention for a minute.
He looked away from Argyle’s lackadaisical questions about life growing up in rural Indiana he’d been posing for everyone over the last twenty minutes. She hadn’t looked at him when she spoke, kept her eyes fixed on the pinky finger in her hold as she started its first coat.
“Yeah, angel?”
She hesitated, swallowing to steel herself before she just tried to push it out,“ Dustin said… he said they call you ‘freak’ too?”
And maybe the words themselves would’ve sounded like a statement. But from her, they were certainly a question. And they sounded like just the tip of an iceberg. Because she said “too.” And she said it softly and ashamed.
Someone made her feel that way.
“Does someone call you that?” he asked, voice gentle as he could make it. The other three in the room pretended like they couldn’t hear them, instead trying to paint a picture for the Californian of the divisive political nightmare that was the Starcourt mall when it was built the summer before.
El didn’t answer though. Just kept her gaze on sweeping the black polish down his nail. Lips tight together with a slight, barely perceptible tremor that said all too much.
With a sigh, Eddie pulled on the part of his character that he thought might help.
“Well, for the record,” he started, bringing himself all high and mighty against her sullen expression,” over here they call me ‘The Freak.’ So, like, the freakiest freak of them all, you know. I get it. I am a freak. I’m weird and off and certifiably freaky, and I like it. But, you little lady? You ain’t no freak. You’re super normal.”
She giggled at the idea. Couldn’t help herself. Eddie must’ve had her figured all wrong to say something like that.
“What?” He wondered, playfully dropping his head to the side to look at her,” People never tell the kiddo with magic powers she’s normal?”
She cast her eyes up at him as if to ask “What do you think?” before quickly putting them back on their task.
He shrugged it off,“ I mean, sure, the magic power part is, admittedly, a little off the baseline. I won’t lie. And the haircut. But I’d say that makes you way cooler than everyone else. I was rocking the tight buzz myself once upon a time, and not everyone can make it work like the two of us do. But besides those two very small factors, you seem like just any other little girl to me. Way more normal than miss Erica over there. First time I met her, she was already lecturing me about venomous knives-”
“It was one poisoned kukri,” she corrected, unable to keep the comment to herself.
He lowered his voice and leaned in,“ See what I mean? But you? Nah, you’re just fine.”
She finally looked up and held his eyes,“ Fine?”
And he smiled back at her, as bright and assured as he could manage,“ Yeah. Just fine. And even if you were a freak like me, you’d still be fine. I’d accept you into my beloved kingdom and show you that being a freak isn’t bad. It’s actually a whole lot of fun. I know we’re still new to each other, but will you trust me on that much? As a freak speaking from experience on it?”
And she looked kind of like a weight had been lifted off of her. One she’s carried for so long with no idea how to understand. No idea how to get rid of or come to terms with.
But somehow, being told she was normal, even when it still didn’t quite fit… it felt better than all the times Mike called her his superhero.
She was different. No amount of “but it’s special” ever got rid of the feeling that there was something wrong with her. And for so long, she would’ve given anything not to be the way she was. And yet, here this guy was. This near stranger that told her he didn’t find her all that weird. That he didn’t find it impossible to look past the things the lab did to her.
It felt nice. To try and believe him for a minute. To pretend like “normal” would be an option after they shut the door on the Upside Down for good.
And maybe one day she’ll be able to believe she doesn’t need it anyway. Decide that normal was fine and all, but she can also be a freak and still be just as fine because she chose to enjoy it. Eddie seemed happy enough in it. Even handcuffed to a hospital bed and having just escaped death, he was still loving being a freak.
“Yeah,” she decided. She’d trust his advice. Why not? It felt way better than the alternative.
“Good,” he remarked before splaying his hand to view for himself,” And thank you for my bitchin’ claws, kid. I’m sure Little Red’s set’ll look great too.”
“Thanks…” she smiled a little wider, capping the black polish and setting it down on the table by the bright orange they’d brought for Max’s.
“Of course. Surprise, surprise, she’s good at more than just saving lives. Though I doubt I’ll ever really get over the fact that you saved mine, you know. You would not believe the hell I’d have tried to raise if I died before I got to see Ozzy live.”
“Ozzy?” she asked, tilting her head with the inquisition.
And if he weren’t laid up and chained in place, Eddie would’ve tried to fling himself to the floor with a gasp.
“Another person who doesn’t know about the one and only Ozzy? God- you people are killing me here!” he groaned and writhed in his bed for effect, pulling another giggle out of the girl at his side while the rest of the room playfully rolled their eyes at his antics.
“Wasn’t sure you’d show.” Police Chief Powell said as Jim pushed in what used to be his door.
At least, it had been until he went and got himself abducted, of course. Now it was Calvin’s. And he sat behind the desk wearing a face that Hopper probably guessed he’s worn before. Long nights, early mornings, shit getting kicked up faster than a town as small as theirs had any right to. He remembers being in that spot and feeling just as exhausted as Calvin looked.
He strode in with the confidence that said that office was still his in some way,” Said I would.”
“Yeah, but you always hated mornings at the station. Came in late as often as you could.” Powell pointed out.
Jim smiled and shook his head,“ You got me there. But I’m here, with coffee, as promised.”
He passed over the cheap paper cup. Took his seat in the chair opposite him while the man popped off the lid and shook out a few packets of sugar, definitely stolen from the break room and squirreled away in his desk drawer.
“Still got a sweet tooth?” he teased and sipped on his own cup, black and bitter.
The man raised an eyebrow at him while he stirred it around,“ You weren’t gone that long, you know.”
Jim had to give it to him,” Guess not. Not long enough for you to grow out of it, at least.”
They drank from their cups in a familiar, comfortable silence while Jim looked around the room. It was mostly the same. He’d never decorated much, so there wasn’t much to be taken down or changed. Same knots in all the wood grain. Same dents and scratches in the walls. Same scraps under the chair legs. New name on the nameplate, though. New man in the chair. New computer set up in front of him, big and clunky and off-white. Jesus Christ, Jim’s happy he involuntarily gave up the job before they’d made him regularly use one of those things, at least.
But, thinking of chiefly duties…
“Well, Cal, how’s it looking for the kid?” Jim brought up.
He looked at him for a second and asked, waving his cup to him,“ How do you even know Eddie Munson all that well? You’ve been gone for eight months, Jim. And while you were still here, we never busted him for the drugs.”
Jim settled back in the chair further and recounted,“ I told him to quit it a time or two, but didn’t want to make a fuss on his record about it. Never caught him in the act, and only ever with a baggie of pot on him.”
He took another sip and continued,“ But, besides that, I just want to see something done right by him. By this whole mess, I’ve heard about. I can’t explain how I know that what all the kids are saying is the truth. That he’s innocent. But I just do. Would stake my life on it. He didn’t do anything to the girl or those boys.”
Powell almost nodded to the fact, given what they’d been working on uncovering over the last few days,“ Well, we’ve been investigating the case based on their testimonies…”
He let his words trail off, but Hop was impatient for some good news.
“And?”
Powell met his eyes, and with a tone of near-disbelief, he admitted,“ We haven’t found a single shred of evidence to suggest they’re lying about it. Nothing beyond the locations of the murders speaks to Eddie having had anything to do with it. And while the kids could’ve had time to coordinate their stories with each other, the others we’ve interviewed couldn't have. And with the background we’ve dug up on the victims… The claim that this was all a huge mess perpetrated by Jason Carver as he kept digging himself a deeper hole to cover his tracks… it’s the more plausible theory between the two. Way more than the idea that Eddie just went crazy all of a sudden and convinced so many people to cover for him this well.”
“So you’re saying…?”
“We can’t charge a dead man with the crimes. Can’t detain him and interrogate him while we look for more evidence.” Powell pointed out, regretfully,” But we can drop Eddie from the suspect list. Take the cuffs off him, make an announcement, and turn him loose.”
“That’s good news, Cal. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear it.”
“Oh, I’m sure. Better than sending him to the clink for something he didn’t do just to satisfy this town’s thirst for blood.”
“Aint that the truth.”
There was almost time for another silence to fall around them. But Calvin had a question to pose before it settled very long.
“So, what’ll you do now that you’re back?”
And it probably should’ve been a scary question. The prospect of the unknown. A whole slew of decisions to make now that his life’s been so completely thrown off-track. He probably should’ve already had some idea of a plan in place for what he’d return to without the walls of a Soviet prison making all the choices for him.
“I have no clue.” he honestly answered instead.
“What? Don’t want to get rehired back here at the station?”
“And do this grunt work?” They shared a hearty chuckle that spoke to all their years of complaining about both having not enough and way too much to do before he explained,” Nah. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I think I’m tired of trying to make this whole damn town my responsibility.”
“You think you already have enough of it with that kid of yours?”
Fondness crept its way into his face,“ Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“How did that even happen? I feel like I had no clue you were even looking to adopt, much less had a kid already when you died and she was moving away with Joyce.”
“That’s a crazy story, Cal. Crazier than the shit that’s gone on here in recent days, I swear. But, uh, she’s mine. And she means everything to me. And I don’t want to do anything except be a good dad for her now. A job just seems like a waste of precious time.”
Powell brought his hands together and wistfully sighed,“ I hear ya…”
“What? Chief ain't treating you right? Wasn’t all it cracked up to be?”
“Don’t you make it sound like I’m whining about it. Wasn’t too much more to deal with until all this shit hit the fan. But this shit has been…”
“Hell on earth?” Jim supplied.
“Exactly. Slept either here or in the cruiser more nights than I did at home. I think the Missus is just about ready to march in here and drag me back into the cold side of the bed I left her with.”
Jim’s eyes snapped to his with more attention,“ Missus? So you and Wendy?”
“Finally tied the knot,” he pulled back his hand to reveal the wedding band on his left ring finger that he’d been twisting.
“Wow, been waiting on you to do it, what, six years now? And you up and decide to commit while I’m gone.”
“I ‘up and decided to commit’ because you were gone. Seeing you here one day and then just - poof - not anymore… Thought about taking up your badge and if the same thing happened to me… I was done wasting time.” Powell detailed the whole affair for the man who missed it,” So I bought the ring and proposed that same month. She spent forever on the phone, planning the whole thing out with her sister. Got married in December. Honeymooned over Christmas and New Year's.”
“That sounds nice.”
“It was. And, in a way, I had you to thank.”
Jim shook his head at that,“ Nah, you woulda wisened up one of these days. With or without me.”
“Maybe. But why don’t you tell me when you’re going to wisen up.”
“What does that mean?”
“You think the whole you-and-Joyce thing is subtle?”
They shared another laugh before Jim conceded,” No, I guess it isn’t.”
“You gave her your kid, Jim! That’s nearly grounds for an engagement right there.”
“Don't start talking like that, or I’ll get ideas and scare her off, Cal. We haven’t even had a single date yet.”
He was a little taken aback,“ Didn’t you two…? Back in high school?”
“No. Never.” Hopper corrected him,” We just ran into each other a lot, hung out cutting class sometimes…”
Powell didn’t really look like he believed him, but he let it slide to check him,” But now you’ll get a move on?”
“I guess now I owe it to her to get a move on. Already made her wait eight months for a damn dinner.”
Cal whistled,” Oh yeah, sounds like you best get a move on.”
“How ‘bout you do the same?” He said while he got up,” I’m sure that the kid’d like to know he’s a free man as soon as possible. You promised me you wouldn’t drag your feet on this.”
Powell stood up with him,“ And I’m not. Just waiting for Flo to let me know the machine’s done spitting out the official report. Then I'll be headed out to get started on cleaning things up.”
Before Jim turned to leave, he asked,“ Could I ask you for another favor?”
“What do you want from me now?”
“Nancy Wheeler. She’d been writing up the story on what happened for the school newspaper. She’s the only one with the inside scoop, has both the Munsons talking to her, and the most in-depth coverage of both the during and after of the arrest.”
“That’s good for her.”
“It is.” He agreed,” And if her's got to be the first article announcing that the charges have been dropped, before even the tv crews do, it’d go a long way for her resume down the line."
“I’ll bet it would."
"Especially since she'll have to help spearhead women in investigative journalism in the first place.”
"I never did like the press... But you tell her she can stop by and get a quote. As long as none of the other kids get in the way of it, she can get her story printed before morning news runs with it tomorrow.”
“I will. Thank you. Really. I’m happy to know the seat I left empty got filled by someone fit to sit in it.”
“God, what’d they do to you while you were gone?” Powell rounded the desk to stand next to him,” You’ve gone all sappy and soft in your time off.”
Jim bumped against his shoulder,“ Let’s just call it gettin’ old and leave it at that.”
“And see, I would've bet good money you’d be one of them crotchety things. Screaming from your front porch at everyone who dares pass by.”
“I woulda bet on it too. Now look at me.”
“It’s a good look on you. Enjoy it.”
Then, Flo burst through the doors, thumbing through freshly printed papers and eyeing them through her glasses instead of looking up,“ Your paperwork is all done, Chie- Jim? How are- When did you slip in?”
“Flo,” he greeted simply with a smile to the woman who practically kept that department running by being the biggest pain in his ass the entire time.
She tucked herself against his side in a quick hug, turns out working with someone for about eight years mean they miss you a little bit. Who would have guessed?
She held the papers into her chest and reached out to shove at his shoulder,“ I’m almost scared to ask if this is someone’s stupid idea of an April Fool’s joke.”
“It’s April first?” Jim asked, looking at the calendar on the wall that was fully crossed off but hadn’t been flipped to the new month yet.
“Sure is,” she confirmed while Powell took the hint to change it.
“Thanks for reminding me…” Jim thought of something for a minute,” I’ll be heading off. Was good catching up.”
With Eddie’s hands all painted, Argyle found himself the only one in the room without. He’d held out his hand for Erica and asked if she thought he’d look cute with shimmery pink nails like hers. Which made all of them laugh. But she said it didn’t exactly fit his vibe, so he then turned to all of the girls and was letting them debate what kind of color they’d put him in if they could. There were a few ideas of a mossy green, or a peachy orange, or maybe a daffodil yellow when Hop’s voice cracked through the walkie they’d perched on the windowsill of the hospital room.
“Hey, any rotten kids around?”
Robin leaned over and snatched it off the ledge,” Rotten kids one through five checking in. What’s the word on the construction for gallows in the town square?”
“Just spoke to Cal on how the case is looking,” was all he answered.
Robin took a look around the room with a stilted expression,“ And? What’d he say?”
There was no response.
“Hello? Requesting status on the conflict between Ex-Chief, Jim Hopper, and Current Chief, Calvin Powell?” she joked.
Hop’s voice came back in a low rumble,“ I’m real sorry, kid…”
All at once, Eddie felt his stomach plummet through the tile floor.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
They’d been joking around and having fun all morning… he forgot for a minute that things don’t always just turn out. They usually didn’t before he found out the world was ending, but his luck hadn’t been so bad recently. He cheated death and made some new friends, but it seemed the legal system was going to be a fouler beast to defeat.
Shit.
Jim continued,“ They’ve been digging through everything, but it’s just not enough to convince them…”
Robin shook her head as his voice faded out. She looked back up at the accused man and remained defiant,“ Don’t worry, Eddie. We- we can keep trying to figure this out. We’re not going to quit on you and we aren’t going to let them chuck you behind bars for the rest of your life. Okay? Well… We’ll put together a petition! Or gather a protest! Or- We have Nance’s paper she’s gonna publish! We’ll get people on your side and figure something out. We won’t give up on-”
But the radio cut right through her,“ I just can’t get ‘em to put you in prison stripes.”
And everything stopped.
Eddie's heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped breathing, the whole fucking Earth stopped spinning under him.
“Wait-” Robin asked herself before remembering to pull the walkie up to her face and click the button,“ What?”
The next time Hopper’s voice came through, they could hear the grin he was trying to fight back,“ He’s on his way down now to tell you officially, but the Hawkins Police Department is dropping the charges. Congratulations. You buncha deviants did a good job showin’ ‘em all what’s what.”
“Are you kidding?!” Eddie’s voice rang through the room, Robin having clicked down the button in time for Jim to catch most of it.
“What? Nobody’s ever heard of an April Fool’s joke?” he asked.
“Most April Fool’s jokes aren’t supposed to make the victim die of a heart attack!” the man yelled, voice rising in pitch.
“He’s still breathing ain’t he?”
“Oh my god- as if that even makes it okay to tell a guy he’s going to be prosecuted for like a hundred murders-”
“It would’ve been three, maybe four, and an assault at most, Eddie,” Robin tried to remind him, setting down and forgetting the walkie on the table.
“They would’ve sentenced me to like a hundred years, Robin!” he argued back.
“I just told you we would’ve figured it out-”
“I’ll take that as a yes. So, he’ll be fine.” Jim assumably answered the silence he received.
El took the walkie herself to tell him,” Was still a mean joke.”
“You kids need to lighten up. Yeesh. Nobody around here knows how to have any fun anymore.”
Eddie’s room filled up after that. Nancy, Steve, Mike, and Will arrive shortly after, just barely beating Chief Powell. He went over all the news with Eddie and the officer there. They undo his cuffs and explain that he won’t even have a misdemeanor for the drug distribution he admitted to at the end of the day. And since Nancy was right there, she got his statement and would get to send out her papers before the news channels ran an official announcement. If he faced any harassment despite it, though, the Hawkins Police department would help him out.
Then the rest of Hellfire showed up. Dustin and Lucas, along with Jeff, Gareth, Bruce, and Josie. Those four were particularly relieved to see him okay after everything. Not having received any update between Jason’s “Where’s Eddie?” interrogation and “Eddie Munson; Prime Suspect” and “Eddie’s in the hospital” they got from the boys that same morning. They were just saying their hellos when a nurse came in and tried to show them out.
“Awe, but we were celebrating,” Dustin complained to her.
She just looked down at him and hummed,“ Well, I’m sure Mr. Munson would prefer that we checked over everything privately. Like getting that catheter removed. Am I correct?”
Eddie didn’t hesitate to erupt with a pointed finger towards the door,“ Everybody, get the fuck out! Now!”
They got him taken care of and returned his things, but kept him in the hospital gown and hooked up to the IV.
They weren’t letting him out just yet. Turned out that when you nearly die of blood loss, the medical community likes to hold on to you. Make sure the wounds start healing over well, and there wouldn't be any deficits before the guy could start strolling about town. Who knew.
They decided to keep him until the end of the week, just to be safe.
In any news, they let his friends back in to annoy him. And, if Max’s mother signed some moving paperwork, she’d get wheeled into his room to share the rest of his stay with her the next morning. Hellfire made plans to camp out with him sometime and hold a one-shot around his bedside. Even roped newly returned Will Byers in agreeing to play, even though he didn’t know the rest of the club and was a little nervous.
When four o’clock hit, his uncle arrived and pulled him out of the bed for a real hug after the room emptied out.
Everyone else scampered off home, save for Robin, Nancy, and Steve.
They went to the school and used Nancy’s key to the newsroom to format her release and get Steve’s story for it. He sat on the light table while Robin threw questions at him. And they argued about how exactly he should word his answers the whole time Nancy typed away at the computer. They were crammed together working on it for a few hours, easily. And then they gathered up by the printer and folded hundreds of copies of the account. Using the school’s dime and credentials to get the news out as quickly as possible with at least a little reliability.
They were filling up milk crates from the cafeteria with stacks of them and loading them up into the Surfer Boy Pizza van when Jonathan and Argyle stopped by. The pair ran them around town and packed them into the newspaper boxes, even though technically they weren’t supposed to. Steve and Robin ran a few of them around the homes of people they knew were in a lot of the local groups and communities and would spread the word the fastest, and to Eddie’s neighbors. Those of them that were still at the trailer park.
Nancy dropped off copies in the mailboxes of some of the businesses for them to see first thing in the morning: the Hawkins’ Post and local news station, particularly. And then she dropped off a bunch of enveloped ones at the post office like they had when they released the tape about Barb less than two years before. To correct the brigade they’d been running with over the last week.
By the time the sun came back up, it should be on a world that believed Eddie was innocent. Or at least could be convinced of it soon.
As they were finishing up their rounds and headed back towards Robin’s house for drop-off, Steve stopped by his mailbox. He’d forgotten to for the last few days, and when they were about to pass it by, he figured he should grab anything while he was thinking about it before he came back later and forgot again.
There was a little bit that built up. Nearly all of it was addressed to his parents. But there was one letter with Steve’s name on it. Sent from the Family Video Headquarters in Glenview, Illinois.
“What…?” he mumbled to himself when he saw it.
“Come on, Steve,” Robin called from the rolled-down window,” Let’s get me home, so my parents don’t try to find new reasons to disapprove of our treasured friendship.”
“Just a second.”
Steve tore open the envelope right there, standing outside by his mailbox with the others tucked under his arm. When he pulled out the papers inside, they certainly held a surprise of a completely different kind. Not the stuff he got surprised with earlier that week. Not supernatural, end of days stuff. Instead, the mail spoke of incredibly mundane, and yet totally shocking stuff.
“Holy shit…”
Robin perked up at his expression while he read the paper“ Steve? What is it?”
He didn’t even look up for the paper when he quietly sputtered,“ I’m the manager…”
“What?” Robin knocked her head to the side and opened the door. Stepping out onto the street and rounding the car to join him.
“I-” he tried to start, then switched gears and looked at her,” Keith skipped town. So did half the staff. It’s just you, me, and Alex left in Hawkins now. Family Video sent the letter to me because I’m older and have the most hours on the schedule. They can’t convince anyone else to move out here to take over the building since Hawkins is so cursed in the public eye. So I- I’m the manager now.”
Her eyes fell to the paper, and she parroted his first thought,“ Holy shit…”
“We’re supposed to re-open on Friday and try to get things back in business.”
After… everything… that was so out of left field.
“April Fools?” Robin tried.
“They sent over the rest of the keys and instructions…“ Steve separated the open letter from the stapled packet behind it and held up the three new keys he had. For the office door, locked filing cabinet, and emergency exit.
“So, not April Fools…” Robin looked at the official paperwork and reminded him,” Steve. You don’t know how to run a store.”
Which, yes, was true. Steve did not know how to run a store. But the thing was that Steve and Robin never did any work truly on their own. So he looked back up at her and emphasized how absolutely tied together they were in it.
“We don’t know how to run a store.” he corrected.
“We don’t know how to run a store.” she agreed.
“We’ll have to figure it out…”
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