#thank you for coming to my long winded ted talk part 2

[baldrambo]

On Joyce Byers....

Joyce Byers is a bad ass.  So why is she handled with kid gloves by everyone?  This is a bit of a companion discussion to my Hopper post from a few weeks ago. Like my prior meta, I will discuss what I believe to be truths about Joyce and her arc, which don’t appear to be aligned with most analyses of her character that I’ve seen elsewhere. I will make 5 assertions and address each of them below the cut because (as per the norm) this got really long and I am not trying to clog up people’s dashboards.

Assertion 1: We have no canon evidence that Lonnie was physically abusive and making Joyce his victim does a disservice to her characterization

Assertion 2: What Bob represented to Joyce was more important to her arc than Bob himself (aka Bob/Joyce were not really a good match)

Assertion 3: Making fun of/being frustrated by Joyce’s magnet obsession misses the point of her arc in S3, which was about her pro-activity rather than reactivity

Assertion 4: Joyce inappropriately attempts to compartmentalize Hopper (aka Joyce needs to let Lonnie and Bob go if she’s to ever move on)

Assertion 5: Joyce is not a delicate cinnamon roll in need of our protection she is a BAMF and should be treated as such.

Assertion 1:

Our first introduction to Joyce is as a small, mousy, anxious, chain-smoking single mom who….can’t find her keys.  And not because she is is careless. She has literally SO much on her plate at any given moment that the location of her keys is trivial until it’s not.  She works long hours at a low-wage job to support her boys.  She really has no life outside of work, paying bills, and cleaning house.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  She is just barely scraping by. 

And yet we learn through flashbacks fairly quickly after Will’s disappearance that despite working long hours, despite the constant stress….she still manages to find time to parent her boys.  And not just be any old parent, mind you.  Joyce Byers is a good parent.  When Will is out in Castle Byers she doesn’t just barge in.  She respects his personal space, remembers a unique nerdy password, and waits for him to tell her that she can enter.  She then trusts his judgment when he says that he can handle watching Poltergeist. This is later juxtaposed by the scene in Nancy’s bedroom with Jonathan where Karen attempts to enter the bedroom after Nancy has had to lock it.  Jonathan looks at Nancy, a little shocked, and says “she doesn’t knock?” Which is weird to him, of course, because Joyce would always knock.  Now lets contrast Joyce, who is Mother of the Year, with Lonnie Byers who is a Grade A Piece of Shit™. He abandoned the family and hasn’t seen them in years.  And when he was around, he spent his time being a deadbeat, calling his son a faggot, and trying to force his boys into being “manlier” and more mainstream.

We first meet Lonnie in 1x2 when Jonathan drives out to Indianapolis to confirm that Will is in fact, not with his father.  When Lonnie’s girlfriend answers the door, Jonathan pushes past her and into the home, shouting for his brother.  Lonnie then comes in from outside, grabs Jonathan, and pushes him up against a wall.  Only then does he realize it’s his son.  Lonnie hadn’t seen Jonathan in so long that he almost didn’t recognize him, and initially thought him an intruder. Jonathan angrily shoves Lonnie back, who steps back and laughs. Notably, Jonathan does not appear to fear Lonnie and Lonnie makes no attempt to otherwise assert any other type of physical control over Jonathan. Lonnie talks to him like he’s an adult.

When Lonnie returns in 1x5 for Will’s funeral, he is an immediate negative influence who has Joyce up drinking all night, calls her crazy, and starts sniping at Jonathan about some stupid poster in his bedroom being inappropriate.  However, there is no real confrontation until Joyce finds the flyer in his belongings and realizes he is attempting to collect on Will’s “death.”  She screams at Lonnie and holds her ground when he shouts back.  She shoves him. She gets in his face and throws his bag at him.  And then little 5′2 Joyce Byers successfully throws a grown ass man out of her house.  He never raises a hand to her.

This is not a Lonnie Byers apology piece.  Lonnie Byers is a shitty dad, shitty partner, shitty person.  I think an entirely separate piece could be written on the emotional abuse of his boys (although in the 80′s Midwest much of that would be considered normal, but that’s another essay).  But there is nothing to suggest that Lonnie ever hit them, or Joyce.  If the Duffers wanted Lonnie to be physically abusive, they would make it obvious, no?

The most clear example of this? Neil Hargrove. When he enters Billy’s bedroom in 2x8, he has complete control.  Over Billy, his wife, the conversation.  He overtly strikes Billy, humiliates him, and it’s clear that Billy fears him.  Susan Hargrove also fears him, and she stands in the background for the entire confrontation, avoiding eye contact, saying nothing.  The only time she attempts to intercede is to diffuse the situation, diffuse Neil, when he commands that Billy apologize and quickly shuts up when it’s clear her efforts didn’t work.  She then exits the room, first allowing him to leave the room before her. The dynamics here are light years from Joyce/Lonnie/Jonathan.

Ok so.  Why am I bringing all of this up? Because, imo, turning Lonnie into a physical abuser cuts at the heart of Joyce’s characterization.  Joyce Byers is a fighter.  That’s what Bob loved about her.  “You fight back,” he told her, in a somewhat awestruck voice.  Joyce is not a Susan Hargrove. None of this is to suggest that Susan is to blame for what she has gone through, or that somehow Joyce is better for not being like her. I contrast them because the Duffer brothers do. Joyce will steamroll anyone and anything that gets in her way to protect her boys.  If she’s on a mission….if she is trying to save someone…watch out.  Making Lonnie a physical abuser so he can be a plot device, or because it makes it easier to hate and villainize him upsets the core of Joyce’s character. And it changes the entire show.

Assertion 2:

Much of Joyce’s inner strength shines through in S2.  When S2 begins, Joyce can’t leave Will’s side and still worries about him incessantly.  She’s overbearing and “struggles to function” whenever she is not with him.  She is forced to re-live the horrors of what her and her family went through every time she goes to Hawkins Lab and worse…she has to place her trust in the very same people who nearly ripped her family apart.  Yet, she doesn’t give up, she soldiers on for Jonathan and Will.  But so much like S1, S2 Joyce is helpless.  She is unable to control what is happening around her.  The events of S1-S2 make her reactionary, she gets dragged along by the plot instead of driving the plot.

But there is one bright spot of happiness for her…..Bob.  He is the exact opposite of Lonnie in every way.  He is kind, thoughtful, hardworking, honest, and trustworthy.  He put Joyce first, he tried to bond with and be a parent to Will and Jonathan. And he was willing to jump in to the fray when he had no idea what was going on to save her, save everyone despite being absolutely terrified.  Bob Newby. Superhero.

There are some early warning signs that perhaps….we as the audience are not supposed to view this as the perfect match? Jonathan, in particular, doesn’t seem to approve at all, in fact, it downright confuses him.  He confides in Will that he doesn’t understand what Joyce sees in him and later gets agitated when he learns that Bob has stayed the night.  Hopper, too, seems to struggle with it. And while a lot of that can probably be chalked up to the early signs of jealousy, his forced “I’m happy for you” appears to be at least somewhat tied to his inability to take her dating “Bob the Brain” seriously.  Why drop all these hints if it doesn’t mean anything?

It’s the conversation she has with Bob in 2x2 on Halloween that really cements Joyce’s arc and Bob’s central purpose.  While they’re dancing to Kenny Rogers, he starts prattling on about moving to Maine.  He’s in love with her, he knows being in Hawkins is hard for her.  So why not start over again and be a family? “We aren’t a normal family.” She tells Bob.  His response is simple: “It could be.” And that moment plants that seed for Joyce.  What if they COULD be a happy, nuclear family?  What if they COULD leave all that trauma behind them and finally find safety and security?  She starts thinking on it so much that by the end of S2 when Bob brings it up again, she’s all but ready. And the Duffers have confirmed, if Bob had survived she would have gone with him to Maine.

But here’s the thing: what if someone else besides Bob had planted the idea in her head? Would she have wanted it any less?  Or consider, was it really Bob himself that drove her desire, or was it always lying dormant there waiting to be activated?  If she had started dating Hopper after S1 instead and HE had been the one to make the suggestion, would she have desired it any less?  Did she really love Bob himself, or the idea of him?

It’s easy to romanticize Bob because he seemed perfect, he represented the happy ending that Joyce wants, that WE WANT for her, but here’s the thing.  There is no perfect guy.  You can’t move a few states away and leave behind Demogorgons and another dimension that nearly killed your son.  That stays with you wherever you go, and you have to face it and deal with it.  You can’t run away from trauma, and Joyce has to realize this.  Joyce is chasing a mirage. Perhaps Bob was kind of a mirage, too. 

Assertion 3:.

The Joyce we see at the end of s2 seems….like she’s going to be okay.  She has her boys, Hopper’s friendship.  She’s lost Bob but the Gate is closed now, everyone is safe (or so everyone thinks).  But then there’s S3 Joyce.  She’s lonely, isolated, sad, discontent, and restless.  The kids are trying to move on from the events of S1-S2.  But she’s unable to.  She’s unable to move on from Bob, from her fear that her boys could still be in danger, from the feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong again and she won’t be able to stop it. 

So Joyce preemptively reshapes her arc.  She decides she is going to put her own house on the market.  Bob may not be coming with her but goddammit she is going to move anyway and find safety somewhere else.  When she notices the magnets fall off the fridge she is not going to wait and see what happens, SHE is going to go research magnets and solenoids and weird science stuff she doesn’t understand and SHE is going to figure it out and SHE is going bring it to Hopper before shit hits the fan.  And when they call the military, SHE is not going to wait around for them to show up and save her kids.  She’s going to take action herself.

Thus, Joyce is driving much of the plot in S3, rather than being dragged along by the plot as she was in S1-S2.  She is not focusing all of her time and energy on Will and his safety, and reacting to where he is and what he’s doing, she is able to focus on Hopper, El, the Party, the bigger picture.  Will kept her focus narrowed, magnets expanded them.

And perhaps most significantly, the magnet obsession is what ultimately saved the day.  Joyce is the hero of S3.  Think about who saved the day in S1-S2.  Who were the heroes?  El and Hopper.  In S1, El sacrificed herself to kill the Demogorgon and save the Party and Hopper resuscitated Will.  In S2, El and Hopper closed the Gate.  In S3, who saved the day? El?  She had no power.  She wasn’t even the one fighting the Meat Flayer. Hopper?  He was trapped on the platform.  Who closed the Gate and killed the “Meat Flayer?”  Joyce.  By herself. This ended the threat, this stopped the “Meat Flayer,” this saved El and the Party.

I think it’s easy to miss all of this due to the tonal shift in S3, which added some silliness to the plot lines that didn’t exist in S1-S2.  On the surface, obsessing about magnets instead of your son seems ridiculous.  But this shift gave Joyce’s character a chance to breathe, a chance to grapple with her own feelings, what she wants, it gave her a chance to just be Joyce instead of Mom™.  So S3 is about her, instead of what is happening to her. 

And i think, ultimately, this tonal shift in S3 is what allowed that to happen.  If the circumstances in S3 were the same as S1-S2, then the Duffers wouldn’t have had this freedom.  If we want to see Joyce grow as a character, there has to be time and energy spent on her away from her kids and away from the same closed loop of S1-S2. Which brings me to my next point.

Assertion 4:

Jopper.  You can’t expect me to write this long ass meta on Joyce Byers and not talk about Hopper, right?

In early S3 there is obviously a marked shift in her relationship with Hopper.  There are no longer secrets (El) or other relationships (Bob) that they can use to hold each other at arm’s length anymore.  There are no other adults in town now who understand what they’ve been through.  Joyce is effectively co-parenting El with Hopper and it’s clear that he not only asks her for advice often but that they spend a lot of time together.  This did not happen between 1 and 2.  It’s made fairly clear upfront that Hopper is hopelessly in love with her, but what of Joyce?  She’s more difficult to read.  And this is due in large part to the fact that she is more complicated than Hopper and her feelings are more complicated than his.

I am not here to argue about whether I think Joyce loves Hopper.  This entire analysis is based on the assumption that she does because I think the Duffers and Winona have given us more than enough to go on to draw that conclusion.  What I AM here to argue, however, is that Joyce is still grappling with what she wants and (inappropriately so) is attempting to compartmentalize Hopper.

Adult relationships are complicated and particularly for a character like Joyce, who has been to Hell and back a few times, there is added complexity that has to be dealt with and worked through.  She’s been in prior relationships before.  She knows what it’s like to be in love and she’s felt the pain and grief that comes along with it.  She’s been divorced already, had a spouse that abandoned her, children  to prioritize over her own love life, and trauma stemming both from the events of 1983-1985 and separate from it.  Joyce, especially, is fresh off the train of losing a love interest who she got close to very quickly.  You can imagine her hesitation about leaping forwards again with someone else who could die.

There’s your backdrop for Joyce in S3.  Throw a healthy dollop of she has feelings for Hopper and then point blank ask her: “What do you want, Joyce?”  She could probably tell you that she wants to feel safe again.  That she wants to be free of the pain and grief of losing Bob and what happened in S1-S2.  If you really can get her to open up (or if you are a mind reader like Murray) you would also find out that she is still holding onto that desire to have a normal, happy family which includes a “nice guy to settle down with.”  The thing about Hopper is that he fulfills all of this for her, just messily.  Joyce is still looking for that coloring book of life to be filled in by an artist (Bob). Hopper fills it in like a 3 year old with disorganized scribbles that cover the picture but can’t quite stay in the lines.  Lonnie is easy: he never even filled in the lines to begin with.

Hopper shares personality traits with both Bob and Lonnie.  Like Bob, he makes her feel safe, she can trust him, she knows he cares about her, feels more than friendship for her.  But he’s also brash and loud and argumentative and after spending a decade of her life screaming with Lonnie….she doesn’t want that again.  He probably at times DOES “remind her of a bad relationship,” but Hopper is not Lonnie.  He respects her, treats her like an equal, trusts her judgment. But she can’t escape the constant comparisons.

And what I’ve seen from a lot of the fandom are the same attempts to shove Hopper into the “Lonnie” box or the “Bob” box that Joyce keeps trying to do.  S1-S2 Hopper is in the “Bob” box.  We like S1-S2 Hopper. But S3 Hopper, man.  He is in the “Lonnie” box.  He yells and stamps his feet.  This Hopper isn’t “good enough” for Joyce.

But here’s my radical proposition: Hopper IS good enough for Joyce if he is who she wants.  And he is what she wants.  But she needs to let Lonnie and Bob go first.

Lonnie and Bob still have a hold on her and if she is going to be able to take that leap forward with Hopper she needs to put their ghosts to rest.  She couldn’t save Bob, but maybe she can save Hopper.  Maybe Hopper isn’t perfect and has a temper, but that is ok because he loves her and respects her unlike Lonnie. I think if we see Joyce work through this in S4 and join her on her journey of making the decision to be with Hop and making that choice FOR HERSELF rather than the plot or some other force making that decision for her, the payout is gonna be huge.

Assertion 5:

Finally, I wanted to touch on the common theme of this whole analysis: that despite this inner strength, despite the growth and change her character has undergone, she is still largely handled by the ST fandom with kid gloves.  Like she is someone that can’t take care of herself, and who we need to step in and defend and protect against….the world.  Here are a few examples I’ve seen over and over:

1) Mischaracterizing S3 Hopper as an “abuser” that Joyce needs “protection” from, much like she needed “protection” from Lonnie. 

2) Attempting to turn Jonathan into her protector/her keeper.  

3) Defending her when she is in the wrong because she is Mom™ (see i.e. standing Hopper up for their date and being non-apologetic about it.)

4) Analyzing “what is best for Joyce” without thinking about her canon feelings or what SHE wants

As I dissected above, Joyce never needed protection from Lonnie. She doesn’t need protection from Hopper. Or anyone.  She doesn’t need Jonathan stepping in for her and she does not need us the fandom, to decide FOR her what she wants and what she can and cannot do.  All this does is, ultimately, build her arc around men and strip her of her agency as a character.

All the canon evidence suggests that she is a bad ass.  She curb stomps assholes on the regular and saves the day, multiple times.  So why is it next to impossible to find any discussion of Joyce that doesn’t involve complaints of what man (Duffer or otherwise) is wronging her at any moment?  Is it because it’s just easier to pidgeonhole characters, particularly female characters, into villain/oppressor and “the good guy?”  Because if we open her up into complexity outside of being our cinnamon roll mom we worry she could disappoint us? Because we cannot accept that a good female character doesn’t need protection?  What happens if Joyce is just a complex person who is both mom and badass? Focused on her kids and herself? Deserving of her own life and respect for her autonomy? Is both selfish and selfless?

Joyce, imo, has one of the most compelling arcs on the entire show.  We are introduced to her as a Mom who is barely holding it together already and then loses her son, sending her into a spiral that her inner strength alone carries her through.  After nearly losing her kid again, she loses her boyfriend horrifically, and just when she thinks they may have finally escaped it all permanently she has to single-handedly close the Gate, torching the only other man she loves in the process. So she packs her shit up and moves her family away from the danger.  She goes from the most reactive character on the show to, perhaps, the most proactive one.  

She may not have “powers,” she may not be able to effectively wield a gun, but she can knee an asshole in the crotch and that makes her a hero to me. I say let her be everything she is, allow her to explore her own wants even if they are imperfect, let her make mistakes and stand up for and protect herself, and let her be her own person outside of the character arcs of other male characters.

Andddddd end scene.

[object-show-analysis]

Hi it's me again I like to talk about something I noticed that's definitely not long enough to make a post about but something I noticed either way. So spoilers for episode 8 part 1 of ii3. So I've been thinking about Clover pacifically and I don't think they actually have any skills as mean as that sounds. because since they don't have their luck anymore they're making mistakes, and can't really do basic stuff like blowing out a candle. Which if they were lucky probably would just be blown out by the wind or something which makes me realize she never really needs to try because of her luck basically carries her through everything and she doesn't even need to think about it really quoting test tube in Clover's body so she never actually need to be good at anything, and it's not like she's unlucky now. she just has the normal amount of luck which means she's just bad because she never actually learned how to do basic things. it was automatically given to her by luck. So yeah the moral of the story here is the thing her luck is hurting the most is not others but mostly herself thanks for coming to my ted talk

Hi there! As always I love to see your analysis in my inbox. I think you’re 100% right in saying that she’s hurting herself more than others with her luck, and I’d like to add to that a little more.

So obviously like you said, Clover is pretty incapable when her luck is taken from her. She lacks basic skills that she’s never needed previously due to her luck. Now that she’s had her luck taken from her, she’s unable to do basic tasks. Her luck has stripped her of the learning experience.

However, if it were not for the body swap, this would have never been an issue in the first place. She would have no need to learn these things because her luck would always be there to help her out.

That’s not to say that her luck isn’t hurting her regardless. In fact I think if it weren’t for the body swap, her luck would hurt her even more. So let’s talk about it.

Despite the fact that Clover is unable to do most things now that she’s in Testtube’s body, she’s a lot happier. The reason for this is obvious, of course. She hates her luck. Or more accurately, she’s afraid of it. She’s made no secret of that in recent episodes.

Ever since she realized other people could be hurt to save herself, Clover has been going into a downward spiral. She doesn’t trust herself, she doesn’t trust others. She doesn’t even know what’s real or not anymore, which we see when Goo offers his help to her, and she’s unable to be convinced that it was of his own free will.

She’s constantly scared that she’s going to hurt someone, and any help she receives is viewed as a burden to others by her.

This is all a very sharp turn from what her personality used to be. When she was unaware of her luck and could just get through life easily without worry, Clover was very care free, if not often a bit confused. She was happy and loving and easily distractible. And she didn’t take things too seriously most of the time.

But now that she’s gained this awareness, it’s clearly taken an extreme mental toll on her. Personally I don’t feel as if the pain that she’s taken on is equal to the pain that she causes others.

The only person to suffer any long-term effects from her luck is Box. And he’s currently in the hands of a medical professional.

Everyone else that has fallen “victim” to Clover’s luck hasn’t suffered more than a mild inconvenience (considering that in the universe of ii, death isn’t really a huge issue) Meanwhile Clover is constantly on edge, fearing for others, and terrified of her own capabilities.

The pain here is not equal. So on many levels I do agree, Clover has definitely suffered far more than her fellow contestants due to her luck.

(The first half of this analysis was written pre-episode 8 part 2. I just forgot to post it LMAO. but since it ties in so well with what happened in the new episode, let’s discuss the rest)

Clovers luck hurt her so much that it was considered lucky for her and everyone else to get physically hurt so that she would be free from it. And her luck put her in so much pain that it was obvious to everyone that she would be happier outside of the show.

I think what really drives home the fact that she’s being the most hurt for her luck is that Goo tells her that she wasn’t voted off because she’s a danger to others, she was voted off because everyone else thought she would be happier that way.

Taking Clover away from the game isn’t going to stop others from being hurt. It’s going to stop Clover from being hurt. Because she’s the one who’s faced the most pain at her own luck.

[primasveraas-writing]

"Kent v Fucking Automobile" -Ted Lasso

This is an accompanying piece to 2 others in this series, but I consider it an AU of the first one. The subject matter is the same, but things go down differently. This one can be read on its own.

Part 1 // Part 2

WORDS: 3482

XXX

Roy Kent’s life is fucking incredible.

For one, he has a gorgeous, wonderful wife, with whom he has a fucking wonderful son, and if that weren’t enough, they’re expecting another baby in just a few short months. But, not only does Roy have a perfect fucking family that he loves, he also has one of the greatest fucking jobs in the world: coaching AFC Richmond (a career second only to being a footballer himself).

He’s headed to work early; Sam needs him for something before practice, and apparently, Roy loves this team enough to miss part of his morning with his wife and son.

It’s one of those days where he’s on autopilot, barely needing to pay attention to what he’s doing. He’s slowing for a traffic light when it turns green, and then there is a mass moving towards him, and he jerks the steering wheel, dread heavy in his chest.

All Roy knows is that he’s bracing himself, then there’s pain, then a hot flash striking his arms and face, then the world stills and he’s opening his eyes. There’s an airbag in his face and horrible pressure against his right side. He blinks, slowly, and tries to take a steadying breath. That doesn’t hurt, at least, and he looks around.

His door is bashed in, bent awkwardly into his body. He can hardly see around the airbag, but he can feel the metal against his leg- his fucking leg, as if it weren’t fucked up enough- and the other car is rammed into his own. Roy swears, loudly, and realizes that there are people starting to swarm around the wreck. He groans and curses again- he doesn't particularly fancy making the headlines with this one.

He gives one of the pedestrians a thumbs up, then fumbles around for his phone. There's no moving until the other car is gone, and even then, Roy's not sure he'd be able to climb out of his seat without collapsing. The phone rings once, twice; long enough that Roy can feel his hands shaking.

"Keeley," he says when she picks up.

"Roy," his wife answers, and she sounds startled.

"I'm okay," Roy says, staring down a bystander, who's unabashedly taking pictures of the scene. "Whatever you see, I'm okay."

"Okay," Keeley says, and there's an edge to her voice now. "What's-"

"I was in a car accident. I'm fine."

Keeley gasps; Roy wavers, suddenly regretting his bluntness. "Some wanker hit me from the side. Airbags went off but aside from being very pissed, I'm alright."

He hears Keeley breathe in and out deeply, and more anxiety bubbles in Roy's stomach. He feels hot, uncomfortably warm, and when he raises his free hand to his head, it comes away wet with blood.

"Are you sure you're alright, Roy? Did you call 999?"

"No," he mutters. "Though I'm sure someone else did." A beat, then:

"I think I fucked up my leg."

"Does it hurt?"

Roy looks down, tries to move his leg, and bites down hard on his tongue to keep from yelling. "A little."

"Okay." He can hear Keeley moving in the background, undoubtedly getting her keys. "Where are you?"

Roy peers through his cracked windshield and finds his vision is blurry. "I don't know," he whispers, and closes his eyes. "I was on my way to the pitch, but-"

"Right. I'm coming to find you."

"Wait," Roy warns. He can hear sirens approaching. "Worry about Oliver first. I'll meet you at the hospital, okay?"

"Okay." Keeley manages to sound businesslike. He knows she's trying not to reveal her worry, and that she knows he's downplaying the circumstances. "I'll see you there, then."

Roy waits for her to end the call. There's a few seconds of silence.

"You're okay, yeah?"

"Yes, Keeley," Roy promises. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay," she whispers back. "Love you."

"Love you, sweetheart."

-

Keeley stands in her kitchen and releases the kind of profanity only Roy is usually capable of. Her purse and keys are already gathered in her hands, but there's just one thing she has to worry about first.

"Oliver, love, we're going-" She bites her tongue. She can waste precious minutes asking the neighbor to come and watch him; if that fails, she'll have to find someone to come over and that could take any amount of time.

"We're going to the hospital!" She declares, and her and Roy's little terror sprints into the room and cheers.

Keeley scoops him into her arms, feeling incredibly unbalanced, and makes her exit, grabbing the first pair of baby shoes she can find. She's sure she's missing something, but at least her toddler won't have bare feet.

She calls Ted and Rebecca on the way there; Ted to watch her son and Rebecca to watch her. It'll make them both late to work, she's sure, but there are few people she'd trust more to support her family.

As expected, both of her friends drop everything to help her. Ted sobers up the moment after Keeley says hello; the worry in her words must be painfully evident. In turn, Rebecca vows to be at the hospital in a time that guarantees some horribly reckless driving, which is terrible, given the circumstances, but Keeley knows Rebecca and her best friend bribing her driver isn’t Keeley’s greatest concern right now.

Unsurprisingly, Rebecca is waiting at the hospital for them, Ted at her side. He’s white in the face, which confirms Keeley’s suspicions about their ride over, but he scoops Oliver into his arms, asking how his day has been and if he’d like Special Texas Pancakes for lunch. Keeley offers Ted a wordless smile in thanks before Rebecca takes her inside.

“All I know is they’ve admitted him,” Rebecca says, glancing at the receptionist. “They wouldn’t tell me anything else.”

“Right, well, you can’t bribe hospital staff all too easy,” Keeley muses. She gives her name to the attendant, who, despite Rebecca’s glowering, tells them to wait, and they take a seat.

It’s only a few minutes before a nurse is pointed towards them. He smiles at them, which Keeley takes as a good sign, though she still clings to Rebecca’s hand during the whole of the conversation.

Roy is fine; he was brought in conscious, but with a severe leg injury and a probable concussion. The doctors aren’t terribly worried, but they have to act fast.

“We understand that Mr. Kent has a previous knee injury.” Keeley nods. “This complicates things. Preliminary tests suggest that there’s further damage to his knee. We still need to do an x-ray and an MRI, but it’s likely that he’ll need surgery.”

Keeley swallows, hard; the youngest Kent-Jones gives her bladder a kick, and she shifts uncomfortably.

“We’ll let you back as soon as we find a room for Mr. Kent.”

“I’d like to see him before any surgery,” Keeley asserts, but her voice is strained.

The nurse nods. “Of course, Ms. Jones.”

-

Soon translates to an hour, but Rebecca occupies Keeley, complaining about idiot businessmen and updates on her mum and anything else asinine that Rebecca can think of. Keeley’s leg shakes up and down, but her thoughts aren’t totally captivated by worry, and that’s good enough.

A different nurse takes her back to see Roy when it’s time, and they wind down a long series of identical hallways. The air is stale with sickness and nerves, and Keeley’s boots click on the linoleum of the otherwise silent hall. Then, they round a corner and the nurse pushes open a door, leading Keeley past curtained-off beds and finally, to Roy.

His eyes are closed. Bright red skin indicates the burn of a deployed airbag, and there are cuts on his face and arm. The hospital gown does him no favors, revealing his mangled leg and the mess of bandages covering his knee.

Tears well in Keeley’s eyes. It’s the most vulnerable she’s seen Roy, topping his last game with Richmond, his retirement conference, and his reaction to the birth of his first child. He’s pale, clearly in pain, but when his eyes open, they seize her up quickly.

She breathes out his name, moves to the head of the bed to run her fingers through his hair, and presses a kiss to the unmarred part of his forehead. His hand captures hers, gripping tightly.

“I fucked my knee,” he whispers, and Keeley nods.

“We’re gonna unfuck your knee,” she tells him, unsure of how much she means it. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Roy nods, alert, but obviously tired. His voice was shaking on their call; it’s steady now, but Roy is stuck in a grimace, and he’s barely moving as he talks to her.

“What did they tell you?”

“Not a lot. What did they tell you?”

Roy eyes her suspiciously. “Fuck all. They did a hundred fucking tests and kept their damn mouths shut.”

“Okay. Let’s wait for the doctor, then.”

“Keeley-”

They know each other so well. She’s hard-pressed to get out of this one.

She can see the argument brewing in his mind- his lips are parted, his trademark scowl graces his lovely features, and she knows that he has every right to be frustrated.

“Well, you’re not gonna lose your leg,” she informs him, and Roy snorts. Keeley bites her lip. “I think.”

“It’s fucking useless anyway.” Roy rolls his eyes. “I’m not fucking playing football with it.”

“Legs have other uses, you know,” Keeley points out, and Roy snorts again.

“Fuck that."

A smile is tugging at her lips, and Roy is about to mirror the expression despite everything fucking hurting when metal scapes against metal, and the curtains part to reveal a doctor, who smiles at them both. Roy scowls.

“You’re going to cut my fucking knee up.” He accuses, and the doctor nods.

“You tore several major ligaments and we need to prevent permanent nerve damage and limit the risk of blood clots.”

Roy’s scowl deepens, impossibly. “Fine.”

“Excellent. We’ll get prepped for emergency surgery.” She looks at Keeley and Roy, at how tightly they’re holding each other. “I’ll give you two a minute before we take you back.”

Keeley murmurs her thanks, and turns back to Roy.

“Right,” she says, brushing a stray curl off of his forehead. “You be good, and enjoy the hell out of those painkillers. I’ll see you soon.”

“Right,” Roy agrees, kissing the back of her hand. “Don’t eat shitty hospital food if you get hungry. Make Rebecca order you something fancy while you wait.” Roy’s brow creases. “Ted has Oliver, doesn’t he?”

“He does, yeah.”

“Fuck. Well, Ted can keep him when he has his massive fucking temper tantrum ‘cause of all the biscuits he’s eaten. And you fucking relax and don’t worry too much about me and my fucking knee, okay?”

“Okay.” Keeley bends to kiss him, and he smiles at her, not with his usual brilliance but something close, and that’s enough. She knows he’s in pain; she can read it in every line on his bruised face, but he’s being unflappable for her, and she can try and do the same. “I love you so much, Roy Kent.”

“I fucking love you, Keeley Jones,” he tells her. “And tell Ollie I love him too.”

“I will. He’s gonna cuddle the fuck out of you when we get home, you know that.”

“Damn right.”

-

Keeley stays with Roy until nurses come to take him into surgery. She watches them wheel her husband down the hall and through a forbidden set of double doors, and exhales.

She finds Rebecca quickly enough, who ensures they celebrate Roy’s prognosis and consciousness and retainment of his humor. Over and over, she repeats Roy’s words in her head: he’s going to be fine, and she shouldn’t worry too much.

Rebecca regales her with tales of the worst men she’s worked with; when that fails, they compare notes on baby names. They laugh and grin without light ever reaching their eyes and neither utter a word about it, but Rebecca confiscates Keeley’s phone when her Twitter mentions blow up. There are pictures of the accident, and of a bloodied Roy Kent being loaded in an ambulance, and Ted texts her to let her know that he’s brought Oliver inside where any nosy press won’t catch a glimpse of him. Her heart aches for her son, who would be distressed if he knew any better, and who likely won’t get to see much of his parents today. Ignorance is bliss, though, and Keeley thinks of Roy’s last smile to her, and not of his strained words when he called her, or the pictures of his totaled car online, or how fragile he looked in the hospital bed.

There’s a nagging at the back of her brain, though, of what would’ve happened if Roy couldn’t reach his phone, or if he left home a second sooner or a second later, or if she had gone with him, or if he had to drop Oliver off somewhere along the way, or if the other driver had been going a tiny bit faster or hit Roy at a slightly different angle. He’s lucky, after all, that it’s just his leg, that it’s not even broken, that their baby wasn’t in the backseat, that Roy will ultimately be fine after this, he’ll be fine, because he’s still so fucking young and his son is still a baby, really, and he hasn’t even met his second child yet.

Keeley takes a shaky breath, and Rebecca captures Keeley’s hand in both of her own. She rubs her thumb across the back of Keely’s hand, and the younger woman rests her head against Rebecca’s shoulder, and the two women stay like that for a long time.

-

It’s three hours before they get any word about Roy. Keeley thinks, really, that it should have been like, half an hour at most, but the nurse who talks to them says all good things, and that they’re almost done. Some of the damage is permanent, especially to Roy’s nerves, but the rest of him is fine. Walking normally will be the greatest challenge, and to Keeley, that’s a nominal problem given the rest of his prognosis.

Rebecca stews when they have to wait another couple of hours: first, the surgery has to wrap up, then Roy is brought to a recovery room to be monitored, then finally, finally, he’s moved to a private room where they can sit with him. The whole time, Rebecca lingers an inch away from total fury, but Keeley lets Rebecca be as angry as she likes, so that way, Keeley doesn’t have to be and all her energy can be focused on Roy.

It’s quieter when she sees Roy this time, more peaceful. Even Roy Kent doesn’t scowl in sleep, and despite the IV in his arm and the injuries peppering his skin, Roy appears at rest, genuinely so. Keeley waits, alone for the first time that day, for him to wake, and when he does, Roy only mumbles hi and offers a groggy smile before he’s out again. Keeley texts Rebecca and Ted an update, and that’s how her afternoon passes, her husband in and out of sleep, and not much else in the world mattering.

-

The next day is a flurry of doctors and physical therapists, and their three-year-old son navigating a hospital for the first time. Roy’s concussion means wearing sunglasses indoors, but Ted drops Oliver off with a matching pair for him and Keeley, and their first family picture after the accident is of them in the hospital, all wearing shades inside like a bunch of proper arseholes, Roy’s face impassive but Keeley and Oliver positively beaming at the camera. Roy learns how to navigate on crutches, as is the condition of his release, so he struggles his way up and down a short hallway, swearing all the while, his grouchy disposition only faltering when Oliver makes his opinion known about the matter (“Daddy has four legs!).

They’re sent home, donned in sunglasses and laden with crutches and high-grade painkillers, late that day, and Roy has to wonder if Rebecca’s paid off the press when he’s loaded from wheelchair to car without any twats snapping pictures of him at his worst. Later, he’ll confirm that she did, in fact, pay the tabloids to piss off, accompanying a press release along the same lines. He and Keeley are lucky to have such a friend, he knows, especially one that doesn’t believe in bullshit.

He’s absent at the next Richmond match and most of their practices the following week, in favor of sleeping frequently. Something wonderful about needing three fucking naps a day is that Oliver will nap with him, which gives Keely a much-needed break, and also there’s nothing fucking better than his baby asleep in his arms, because he loves his son so fucking much but sometimes it’s fucking nice when Oliver isn’t running around like a maniac, and Roy can just hold him.

Putting any weight on his leg is fucking hard. Showering is fucking impossible, bending down to pick up Oliver’s ridiculous toys is difficult, stairs are a fucking burden on humanity, and Roy is in so much fucking pain all the time. It gets better at a snail’s pace, and he manages to make it through a full day of work on an obscene amount of Tylenol and Ted literally cheering him on in the most annoying way possible. The only thing that pacifies him is Keeley coming in to kiss him at various intervals throughout the day, and he buries his head against her side and she runs her fingers through his hair, and their kid-on-the-way sometimes kicks against Keeley’s stomach, which never fails to be spectacular.

Roy masters crutches, even though the dumb fucking things make his armpits hurt, and a month after surgery, when Roy has endured physical therapy and public sympathy and a thousand fucking stairs, he begs his doctors to let him off them. And so, they introduce the next alternative that Roy will use for the rest of his fucking life.

A cane. Roy Kent, still fucking young, is fitted for a cane, which Ted immediately wants to decorate with lights and streamers and shit, and that Oliver tries to use as a fucking lightsaber and wack people with. It’s fucking terrible, but it’s also the first thing that makes Roy laugh after coming home from the doctor’s with his fancy new stick.

They told him and Keeley this, that first day in the hospital after the wreck. That he would never walk the same, that some of the nerves were too far gone. There’s nothing he can do, aside from physical therapy to build up some strength. It’s damning, and a hard pill to swallow, but Roy’s knee has been fucked since his last football match against Manchester, and he knows that. Keeley reminds him that his life is still pretty incredible, after all, and Roy has to agree.

His daughter is born shortly after, and Roy weeps when he figures out how to hold a cane in one hand and his precious baby in the other. Frequently, he looks like the corniest fucking dad ever, because it’s honestly easiest to carry Lily in a papoose, but Roy fucking Kent’s reputation holds up: he’s still the scariest motherfucker to ever grace the face of football. When he takes her to practice, though, he finds that this effect is somewhat diminished; he yells at one of the boys to tighten up, then his daughter gurgles, and Roy is caught gazing down at her with a dopey fucking smile on his face.

The first cane breaks when Richmond loses by a slim margin thanks to a few small mistakes. Roy is minutes into a post-match debrief when he punctuates what went wrong with the cane against the whiteboard, and the wood slams against metal and splinters into a hundred fucking pieces all across the locker room, footballers ducking for cover, Roy’s chest heaving as he surveys the scene. Then Ted sits Roy down, commends his incredible strength, and tells the team to goldfish their way through this, and that they’ll work through it during the next practice.

Oliver breaks the second cane. And the third. And then Roy concedes style to durability and gets a fucking metal cane that his kids aren’t allowed to touch.

His life is different, largely because he’s a father of two now, and stairs are fucking terrible and he hates them. But, aside from that, he’s still Roy Kent, Keeley Jones’ husband, parent to the two best fucking kids in the universe, football coach extraordinaire. That’s pretty fucking good, in his book, and in the end, there’s nothing fucking wrong with using a cane so long as Oliver doesn’t kill anyone with it.

[blackberry-gingham]

Mermaid reader x teddy!Beatles part 2!

John and George over here!

Paul

Somehow, Paul makes it home with all his Dad's things without being caught

Truly, it's a miracle

But it's not all thanks to avoiding his dad's wrath that he can't believe he's alive...

Whenever he gets some good, quality alone time, he takes out your scale and just admires it

You were beautiful in the moonlight of course, but somehow this scale alone is even more gorgeous in the light of day

This particular scale has a green and blue iridescence to it, and it's the most lovely thing he's ever seen

He honestly feels like he can see a different hue in it every day if he turns it juuuust right

And of course, it is nice to have on hand

Paul assumed you were just using a turn of phrase when you told him it was "for luck"

But it would seem he was mistaken...

Now he doesn't have many stories to tell, but last week there was a calculous test he absolutely was supposed to fail

And yet... He got a B+

A B+ !!!

That's never happened before, even if he did study

Then there was another time he won a nice lot of cash at billiards...

And the time he found a brand new free bus punch pas on the ground...

His dad sure was pleased at that one

He's even been noticing some improvements in his bass playing, particularly on the few times he tried using the scale as a pick

All these thoughts swirled in Paul's mind as he lays awake in bed

He's been so fortunate lately, and it's all thanks to you and your gift

If only he could just thank you...

He feels like it's the least he owes you

Especially considering he accidentally snagged you on a fishing line for your first meeting...

That's it. He's going to do it!

Paul turns over in his bed with a grin plastered to his face as a plan to sneak out to the lake formulates in his mind

He doesn't get the time to actualize said plan until a few days later however

Not ideal, but manageable

He decides on the same plan as last time: late at night, when no one is around

But it isn't until he's arrived at the pier that he realizes he hasn't considered how he'll get in contact with you

Paul paces back in forth in the dark

What to do, what to do...

First he decides to skip some stones

Hopefully none of them hit you, but perhaps disturbing the water will get your attention

When that doesn't work, he settles for something a little more rudimentary

Paul takes as deep a breath as he can, and yells a long "hello?" across the water

He waits a few moments and assumes it didn't work, so he winds up for a second go

As if on cue, you pop up from below the waves with an agitated look on your face first

"Do you mind? Us normal people are trying to sleep!", You whisper yell

But then, you gasp, upon finally recognizing him

"You again?"

Paul jumps a foot in the air, quite startled by your sudden appearance

But he gets his wits about him soon enough, and he drops to his hands and knees, "Yeah, I've been looking for you!"

You give him a sideways look, but Paul cuts you off before you can pose a question

"Before you get upset! I um, I wanted to say... Thank you! You know, for the scale!"

You look at him as though you haven't a clue what he's talking about, then the memory comes back to you

"Oh, um... Sure?"

"No no, you don't understand! All these wonderful things have happened for me and my family, and I- well, we're a bit bad off, so really I-I can't thank you enough! I thought the least I could do was come back and say it"

Your face softens at that

Not many people would consider giving thanks for a mermaid’s gift, they seem to much rather just enjoy the profit

“Of course, uhm...?”

“Oh, Paul!”

You smile at last and tell him your name out of courtesy

“Wow, that’s a lovely name! It suites a pretty bird like you, if you don’t me saying”

Paul gives you a wink, and you laugh in surprise

You assume it was a one off thing, especially as you part soon after having a short chat, but...

He comes back a few more times on separate nights to meet with you and tell you about the latest goings on

And of course, squeezing in his flirting game here and there

At first you're not sure

After all, you've done this song and dance plenty of times before, and things never seem to work out

But Paul is kind, and charming, and polite...

So many things you've yet to experience from a human

Eventually, Paul starts visiting you from a different point on the edge of the lake in order to spend better time together

It’s in the forest, away from the prying eyes of others

This allows him to visit you at all different hours, which gives him far more freedom to see you often

And before you know it, he brings you little gifts, like offerings, whenever he can spare something nice from his good fortune

“You know, we had our first ever gig last night... They loved us! We already have another one lined up!”

Paul talks excitedly, while you rest and listen on the little blanket he’s set out for you both

“That’s wonderful, Paul! Congratulations”

“Yeah, thanks!”, Paul clears his throat and looks away demurely. “It’s all thanks to you, ya know...”

“Oh I don’t know about that, you’re very tal-!”

“No, really it is... I um, I haven't told you this, but I've been using your scale as a pick for my bass here and there and... there's just something, magical about the sound it makes..."

He braces himself a bit, expecting you to feel indignant, no matter what his explanation

But instead you laugh, amazed to hear that it can do that too

And if course, touched to know that a piece of you was able to be with him for such a big event

So, Paul continues his story, "And I mean, the amount of coincidences that had to happen just for us to get in, let alone get another one lined up is too much for chance...”

He laughs casually, then gives a little stretch before putting his calloused hand over yours

Paul almost expects you to flinch or pull away, but... Nothing happens

No, you continue to look at him, a gentle, blissful smile gracing your face

Taking a little risk, he gently strokes the back of your palm

He speaks again, his voice dropping to a bit of a hush so that only you can hear “Not to mention I wouldn’t even have applied for the place if you wouldn’t have encouraged me to, heh”

"Well... I suppose all that's true...", You lean in a little closer to him, resting your head on his leather clad shoulder

Paul nudges your hair with the tip of his nose, with a playful smile, "Now, if only I could think of a way to thank you..."

You pick your head up and smile mischievously back at him

By now, you've begun to enjoy his cheesy little flirts

You glance from his eyes to his lips and back again, "Hm, I might be able think of something..."

Paul bites his lip and gives a toothy grin, leaning in slowly

Not missing a beat, you meet him halfway, gently closing the gap between you

And you soon decide, it's the best thank you you've ever received...

Well, right next to the one that came after it

Ringo

Ever since that day on the docks, Ringo can’t get you out of his mind

He thought for sure he was dead

In fact, he would’ve been for sure if you hadn’t saved him

He owes you his life

All he wants to do is see you one more time...

There was so much he wanted to say before you swam off

So here he is, alone at the abandoned dock for the third time this week

It’s about noon on a Saturday right now

The sun is warm and bright above while the ocean waves lap peacefully to and fro below

Ringo is still nursing several bruises from the last time, and as much as there’s a risk he’ll take another beating, he’s willing to take his chances

Of course, no sooner has the thought crossed his mind, then do the sounds of three familiar boots stomp up the old wood planks behind him

“Starkey! ‘Aven’t you learned you lesson yet?”

“Yeah, this is our dock!”

The boys taunt and threaten, as they approach Ringo once again

This time, he tries to take a stand

Unfortunately, any words he tries to say are washed out by the sudden rushing of the tide behind him

Then, by the laughing and jeering of the other gang

"Wha's that? Can't 'ear ya!"

Another round of mocking laughter, and suddenly Ringo feels about 2 feet tall

When the boys start to calm down, the leader of the teds gets very serious and sheds his jacket before handing iit to one of the others

" 'old this, don't want to soil it..."

But Ringo can barely hear them over the sound of the water

Is it high tide already?

The leader hardly takes a few steps forward before stopping at the curious sight of a sudden, large shadow

All the boys look up to see a massive, tsunami sized wave arcing up and over the edge of the pier

Just as soon as it arrived, it comes crashing on top of the other teds

Hundreds of pounds of water lay them flat against the wood, and by the time they're able to catch their wits and stand, they turn tail, leaving Ringo all alone

Ringo, who is perfectly unharmed...

The remaining pool of water dribbles off the edge of the pier, providing a little something for Ringo to focus on while he tries to collect his own wits

Just then, a gentle tap comes at his lower back, causing him to whip around

Your eyes are just barely peaking over the ledge when you whisper, "Are you alright?"

A great weight feels lifted off of him, as Ringo turns fully to face you

"Me? Fine! D-did you do that?", He nods over his shoulder, breathless, but excited

You smile and nod, "It's a bit... tiring... But it was worth it"

Know that he's calmed down a bit, you do sound a little out of breath

"Oh... Well, thank you... Really, I mean it!", he pauses, and then, "Say, do you want to rest a minute? Maybe on the shore? I can watch and make sure no one bothers ya!"

You're about to interject, maybe tell him he doesn't have to do that, but there's something about the look on his eyes that tells you he's not offering just to be nice

So instead, you agree, and Ringo meets you shortly amongst the brush and the rocks just a stone's throw from the pier

He takes a seat on a rock, as a wave gracefully deposits you on the sand

You crawl a short distance to a rock of your own and prop yourself up on it, enjoying the time to rest

As you get settled, Ringo can't help but admire you

He's focused on your tail and all the intricate, shimmering scales and fins that adorn it

Of course, you notice his staring, "...Does it bother you?"

Ringo snaps out of his daydream, "Huh? Oh, uh no! Not at all!"

He scratches the back of his head, and ducks down a bit

Even behind his scraggly beard, you can see a little blush

"Sorry... I um, I just think you're pretty..."

You're not sure why, but that makes you blush a bit too

You've been told that a thousand times before by humans, sailors, and mermen alike

But when Ringo says it, there's something more... innocent to it

Like a childhood crush, or a romance that blossoms between two close friends

"Oh... Thank you...", is about all you manage to get out

Ringo runs his fingers through his hair, trying to fix it up a bit, "My name's Ringo, by the way... Er, no, actually it's Ritchie, but me friends call me Ringo"

He holds up his hand and shows you a collection of various and intricate rings as though to justify his statement

They glint and gleam in the sun, all the various metals and gemstones like a kalidascope to your eyes

Ringo notices how transfixed you are, and feels a bit encouraged

Perhaps he hasn't scared you off just yet...

He takes a gamble, "Would you like to see them up close?"

You refocus onto him, "Well... If you wouldn't mind, sure!"

Your tail gives a swish behind you, betraying you and your excitement

Ringo hops up and over to your rock and takes as seat right beside you

The proximity startles you a bit, but he seems so excited to show off his collection to you, that you forget all about it

He splays out his hand for you to see, and you end up holding it in yours while he points to the details of each ring, telling their stories

His hands are rough and callused, with a bit of soft hair coming in around his knuckles

They're a bit bigger then yours still, which you find a little humorous

He's like a puppy that's growing into it's adult body, with his short stature yet large hands and ears and eyes...

Now that you mention it, they're just so blue...

"And this one, I- Uhm, are you alright?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry! I just- ahem. You're eyes... They're so pretty"

With your free hand, you gently caress the very edge of his eye socket then give the bridge of his big ol nose a few playful scratches

Ringo's heart leaps in his chest and a gleeful smile slowly spreads throughout his face

See, he's not like John or Paul... They have birds all over them

And what does he get? Teased. Ignored. Sometimes flat made fun of...

So to have such a beautiful woman as you take even a little fancy to him...

He's over joyed

The rings are immediately forgotten, and you tell him a bit more about what you like about him

You like the hair on his face... What is that called?

You like his smile, and the way he laughs...

And yes, you do like his nose, since he asked

Ringo feels like he's floating on a cloud. The genuine affection he's getting from you right now is beyond anything he ever dreamed of

He has to say something...

With a little clearing of the throat, Ringo gathers up how confidence to take oneore chance for the day

"So erm, is there... anyone waiting for you? You know, back there?", You nod towards the infinite sea

You look away, a sad smile tugging at your lips, "No, not really... Why?"

Ringo can feel his heart hammering now, and he takes his chance

"Well I was just wondering..."

He slips one of his precious rings off and hold it out to you

"If maybe you'd like to see each other... M-more often?"

Your eyes light up, and you realize that yes, yes you would like to do that...

He's estatic to hear it, and to seal the deal he slips his ring on your finger

For safe keeping, he says

And before you both part ways for the day, you make sure to give him his first, little kiss

[nerdingz-obsessed]

An Analysis of Castlevania (Netflix)

In response to mean words from a fren.

My dearest Castlevania simps, it is time to rise up.

My friend (who I will be attacking :)) was dissing Castlevania (szns 1-3) after my recent Trevor Badass Belmont post, so now I must indulge myself with a rant on how much I absolutely love this series. This is a five four part thing, sorta long (Sorry? but if you read then you’ll understand why I love it my friend is wrong) it has minor spoilers throughout, but it's been out for a while so, proceed with caution ig.

TL:DR at the bottom folks.

One: The Nostalgia

When I was a (small) kid, my uncle was a senior in high school. (I think, I don’t exactly remember.) He loved video games and he’s part of the reason I love them today. Mostly I only ever watched him play things like Halo, but one day he was playing this 2-D, fight game, killing monsters and kicking butt. (as he described it.) And later he let me take a turn, and I couldn’t exactly tell you I knew what I was doing, but I remember how awesome I felt as some 7 year old kicking vampire arse. Now, I get to see those characters again as a young adult and it brings me back, especially the kicking monster butt parts, which brings me to...

Two: The Fight Scenes

(Light Spoilers) HOLY MOTHER OF GOODNESS, if you would have told 7 year old me, “this is going to be a badass anime one day and you’re going to squeal with excitement,” I would have laughed in your face. But I’m not laughing now. If you’ve watched it then you just know. From Sypha and MAGIC (I stan so hard lemme tell you) And Trevor WITH THE WHIPSSS (Szn 3 Episode 9 THAT SCENE Ashshishgishguhsi) And Alucard WITH MAGIC AND MAGIC SWORD (YES) And just Isaac (Whom we love to hate and hate to love) And all of the Vamps and their kool little fighting quirks. I just love love love how amazing, fast paced, and epic the fight scenes are. And it never felt incorrect. i.e. yeah Cypher uses magic and she always seems to never never run out of stamina, but to me it made sense, she’s trained for her whole life, always on the road and there are times when she does look appropriately winded. @ my friend Or Isaac, he’s powerful yes absolutely, but we still see his human weakness. @ my friend(I think this goes for all humans when compared to the Vamps and Monsters tho...)

Three: The Animation

Can I just say that this is one of the most aesthetically beautiful anime I’ve seen in a while. Like the fight scenes, for instance, when fire engulfs a lot of the screen it looks beautiful. Okay that wasn’t very specific, here, in fight scenes, the lines change. If you look, you’ll notice in intense fight scenes the lines getting harder, intenser I suppose, it therefore adds that intensity. (Especially by season 3.{Szn 3 episode 9, dual whips got me drippin fam XD}) But it was also so smooth and elegant (Hi I really love the fight scenes in this show. :)) On small details: the details in Dracula's castle and Alucard's hold under Gre- that city whose name I cannot spell. Not only that, but the scenery, my particular favorite: When Isaac is ‘forging’ his first set of monsters when he’s out on his own. I’m a sucker for the way from a distance those red flames (flames?) shot up into the sky, it was just *chef’s kiss* in the scenery department, just ahhhh :

Oh, speaking of Isaac, it’s time to get on to important, meatier things...

Four: Characters

First off, the villains/antagonists are not just evil to be evil. (Unless you’re Carmilla... :| ... I mean ig she thinks she’s justified bc hello, she’s fighting for her peoples... and I mean, she’s badass, but I sorta have to side with humans? idk) Big Daddy Baddy Drac isn’t just “I vant to suck your blood,” his pain is real. I mean, losing the only person you ever truly loved? Heartbreak. Isaac and Hector both have totally a plausible and low-key understandable reasons for their actions. Okay it’s not an excuse for their bad behavior, but the way they respond to Drac. And, back to Carmilla, can we just stan the four Queens that rule. The four ruler thing they have going is Genius! It’s brilliant, they share their acquired and unique skills and there’s no mans to ruin plans. @ my friend

Edit: Yo I didn't even touch on our two sibling bastards from szn 3. Lol. They are great manipulators, you can feel the betrayal hurt just as bad. They're the jerks that you LoVE to HATE >:(

And The side characters and minor antagonist give the story life. They aren't just blown off characters who don't promote the plot @ my friend. They add depth, perspective, atmosphere and life into the story. Some may not be particularly necessary, or may not need all the character building they were given, but none of it felt forced. It made sense with the story and the interactions they had with other characters flowed and was natural. Yeah, that was brief, but ya get the point.

And importantly, our protagonists. 

Trevor Belmont, technically the main protagonist and center for the for the entire story. His character instantly pops of the page as a reluctant hero, but one that is so damn good at his job. His emotions are believable, it's fairly easy to sympathize with him and he is a vibrant character that you can easily follow along with. See the badass Belmont post ✨ here ✨

Sypha Belnades has easily become one of my most favorite heroines. Her personality, physicality and entire character are so vivid and colorful. She is a believably strong character who does not deserve the resentment she gets from @ my friend. I admire the steps that her character has gotten to take in the story and I am so excited for more Sypha. Also ✨ M a g i c ✨

Lastly, Alucard, our troubled, half vampire son who deserves the world and a hug. He is introduced as the badass immortal that we love to see, but seeing how he has to deal with well, everything, is why I so love the writers. They gave us a dynamic in which we get to see someone, who at first didn't care or need for interaction with others slowly realize how much he needed it. And you can see the stages of his development through each episode. It's lovely. He also doesn't deserve the hate my friend gives him. Also, ✨ Tiddies ✨ (I'm so sorry omg)

And Extra ! Extra ! they are all attractive, like have you even seen an unattractive face in any of the characters with surplus screen time? Sure they may not be your type (@ my friend) but they each have their good looking qualities.

Five(ish): Dynamics/Relationships

I'm lazy and can't write another paragraph lol, but point is. Everything in the amazing show flows together so well. Nothing feels awkward or forced, and more importantly everything has a cause and effect factor for other things. Maybe not directly, but it's there. And everything will come crashing together soon, can't ya feel it? As for relationships b/t characters, well, what can I say, they work so well, are unakward, and have me begging for more.

TL:DR:

This show is beautiful and amazing, both in animation and writing quality. Characters pop of the screen as do the scenes. Fight scenes = Epic. Villains = Important + Badass. Characters = Relatable. Writing = Good. Scenes = Pretty. Hotel = Trivago.

And I didn't even get into the details. Smh.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I hope you had a good time @ my friend

[praisethepizzagods]

WandaVision Theory

Okay so this contains some spoilers (mostly specculation really) from wanda vision so... spoilers below cut.

We have all seen the casting for Spiderman 3 & Doctor strange 2.... It includes people like: Andrew Garfield (spiderman) Tobey Maguire (Spiderman) Xochitl Gomez (America Chavez) Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool) Tom Hiddleston (Loki) Among others.... lots of universes being mixed here guys. So I have a theory... Blame my friend for this thing being birthed she had to listen to this as it came out. Peter/Pietro (since xmen pietro is called peter, but wanda knows his as pietro) maximoff is Loki, last we saw loki he had the tesseract and was fleeing, loki is trying to find out the state of the awvengers post end game, and yeah loki likes to fuck with thor & in the comics he lovveeesss just winding people up (God of mischief ffs), so he is trying to find out what the fuck is going on, he is curious about wanda's level of powers (like she is one of the most powerful mcu characters, hes gunna be curious), wanda as we know has a town hostage and is controlling everything, this is similar to avenegrs where loki wanted to rule earth, so hes seeing if she could be of use to him/try figure out a way to get his end goal. End of wanda vision season 1 - wanda looses complete control, she snaps. She breaks the multi verse because she has been believing this pietro is her pietro but with a different face... she finds out it is loki in pietros body which causes her to loose total control and snap a rift in the multi verse OR sword cause her so much stress, vision is questionign everything/realises what wanda did (Sees the footage maybe?) or she has to watch him die again and wanda is so torn over by emotion that she looses control, pietro/loki then realises that oh fuck this is about to go down and wanda uses her powers to try control more and either knocks pietro loki back into loki for or loki shifts just before to do a reveal, he may even try and fix this and help wanda because he knows intense powers and notice she is going insane????? But this ends in her bringing in all the spidermen into the MCU. Bringing deadpool with em. Bringing america chavez with them (She lives in a paralel universe and thats where she got her powers so wanda drags her into MCU because hey, she snapped). Doc strange 2 happens which is about the multi verse. Strange appears at end of wanda vision kinda like "Oh no...." like he's seeing what is about to happen and sees wanda is about to cause he doesnt see this coming,  So doc strange 2 is now begining wanda has lost control and merged all theses universes into one - sony,fox,the new characters universe etc etc etc are now all in the MCU universe there is many spider men now (Like into the spider verse) kidna like that level of how it happens they just got ripped into this reality. In spider man 3 this is also playing a part because all the spidermen are still here (Showing this could be a long winded issue/they cant get back to their universe because wanda doesnt know how she did it, doesnt want to do it/cant do it again) Back to doc strange 3 - this movie will be directly dealing with the immediate backlash of this, the many spidermen, deadpool, america chavez all appearing, strange realising what has happened, trying to fix this, loki also there because he doesnt even know whats happened but DAMN is he interested because THIS level of power.... thats interesting to him. Loki's disney+ series happens after the multi verse of madness/during it (like loki's show is bought up in it like "lokis fucking president?!?!?!" like thats another thing thats gone wrong from wanda's melt down and destroying the multi verse, and another thing for strange to to and do damage control on. wanda cant fix this, shes now gone fully off rails, if she watches vision die twice she wont be coming back from that we know. so strange is also trying to help her on how to use her powers as she never reallllly has had training, strange might know people who can help her deal with this insane amount of power. Strange cant fix this alone he needs wanda to try and fix this, and the issue could be a permenant one ( i recon it will be permenant and all wwhat phase 4 & 5 will be about) Doctor strange 2 sees them going between thesee multi verse's they have discovered (maybe strqange & wanda, maybe strange & wong, maybe wanda and someone else who knows... but they are trying to find out how far this damage has gone End of doctor strange is them realising this isnt a quick fix, the world has gone insane as there is all these new ones, ("WHY ARE THERE 3 SPIDER MEN!" - JJJ shouts (cause hey he was in the tobey mcguire spidermen ffs we get him with this package too) spider man 3 then happens & tom holland (The spider men will be refered to by their actors names) see's that um theres another spider man??? what the??? he finds him and they all find out they are the same spider man. This movie plays out similary to into the spiderverse but they dont all go at the end of it because this is a long winded issue. But... now we have america chavez, shes just been bumbling round the MCU being a hero cause she's here.... Monica as you rememebr from wanda vision has her internal sequencing rewritten each time she goes through the hex, this gives her powers cause she has gone through the hex so much at this stage in wanda vision.... So Monica = Photon America Chavez Cassie = Stature Kate bishop = Hawkeye Tom holland = Spiderman How did kate get here and Cassie? KATE So clint stepped down, hawkeye disney+ seems to be like fractions, clints training kate (maybe his family left after end game because jfc clint is probs a wreck, or clint didnt stop so hsi wife left.... maybe they live in iowa happily who knows) Clint was going solo for a while in newyork, when he met this other hawkeye (Hey maybe kate got dragged through the multi verse or maybe she was just a great archer rich kid in newyork who saw hawkeye had fucked off after the blip (maybe she was working during the blip, but towards the end? in comics she took hawkeye mantle while clint was off beign a depressed noodle and he then found out there was 2 hawkeyes and confronted ehr and agreed to train her so maybe somehting simialr to this is what happens in hawkeye) But anyway Clints training kate in new york and yeah shes good. CASSIE Scott after end game & Hope continue being antman and the wasp, but cassie eventually takes over the suit from them (Maybe something happens in antman 3 quantamania that means neither scott or hope can use the suits any more because it will tear them apart, like hank cant use the suits because it takes too much of a toll on his body now and he wouldnt surive it really...) so cassie has taken over the suits and is now operating under the code name stature. This then begins the next arc for the avengers now they have got people powered up, and atleast 1 person from this destruction of the multi verse (America chavez) but we may have more that are discovered over the course of phase 4 that were bought through with the multi verse. So, where does this go??? The young avengers is the next big arc.... Maybe wanda (&peter maximoff? not sure how that would work as young piettro (evan peters one) was from the 80s or something in xmen so is an adult not a kid like he is in wanda vision, which adds to my this isnt pietro but loki thing) But maybe wanda is leading them, maybe not. But the multi verse cant be fixed so they have these heroes now and the avengers kinda died after end game cause tony died and steve fucked off. Sam helps train but hes off with bucky alot too doing a buddy up thing together, but as sam is the new cap he also heads up this young avengers kinda as a mentor for them. Now... right now your pronbs thinking "Morgan stark though" Morgan has a suit... but morgan is still even in 2030 (hawkeye is 2025...) morgan would only be 7..... so she isnt really old enough.... But who else had an iron man suit in the comics? who may of got dragged through the multi verse? Enter riri williams aka iron heart. That takes us up to about end of phase 5 with the rise of the young avengers & champions maybe??? Hi and thanks for coming to my ted talk

[heartbreakgrill]

Circles; Harry Styles Pt. 2

“Remember Frankie? From World History? She has a baby now,” you remarked, voice like lyrics over the rhythm of your white tennis shoes and Harry’s leather boots stepping in time on the concrete bike path.

Leaves occasionally fell, crunching under your feet, sticks and stones on the path being kicked or broken away. The fall wind blew gently, waving strands of your air in front of your face. You had decided against lipgloss, luckily because your hair was so unruly. Harry’s curls, a beautiful feature of his which you always admired, were flopping with each step. You found your eyes trailing from his cheek to his hair consistently, simply admiring. He didn’t catch on much, his own focus glancing between you and the ground beneath his feet.

Lunch had been wonderful. He took to you the local pub, where you sat in the corner, knees bumping against each other after every movement. You shared a basket of fries, ate your own sandwiches and drinks. You caught up on everything: Your studies in London, who your friends were these days, the last boy who broke your heart. He told you about Louis and Niall, and only a little of Liam and Zayn. He explained the sketchiness of his management, the stress of touring, but his excitement on stage. You admitted to have listened to his two albums the night before and told him Little Thins became a quick favorite. You told him about your plan to move to New York when you finished University in order to delve into the world of international journalism.

After lunch, you didn’t want to leave one another, lingering in front of the door, still chatting, when you remembered the local bike trails. (“Gosh, I haven’t been there in forever.” “Same here.”)

So, now, you were strolling along, hands in pockets and elbows bumping somewhat. He replied to your comment about a forgotten classmate with, “God, its strange to think about people we know having children. Were only 19.”

You shrugged, “That’s normal around here, I guess. People settle down straight away, let go of their dreams for simpler, easier things.”

“I could’ve done that,” Harry spoke with a whispery tone. “Sometimes I wish I would’ve.”

You didn’t want to poke and prod at a comment that could turn into something bigger and moved on. “You’ve got money. Be happy.” Of course, this was a joke.

Harry laughed, “Money cant buy happiness.”

“Oh, I’m sure it could buy mine.” He glanced at you inquisitively. “Well, Im constantly stressed in London because of work and school. Its stressful and exhausting paying for my apartment and class and food and life.”

Harry frowned somewhat, “That’s part of the reason I hate it sometimes. I’m so lucky and undeserving of all I get just because I can sing and I’m attractive. You work so hard for what you have and you still struggle. It’s unfair.”

You retrieved your hand from your pocket and pushed him lightly, “I’m just confused as to who said you were attractive.”

He blushed deeply, his eyes downcast and shy. Suddenly he met your eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “You did say I was cute.”

Your own cheeks quickly turned red. “I’m gonna avoid my problems.” Your pace quickened and you began to walk away from Harry.

He giggled, emitting a grin on your face, and walked fast. Harry reached out and grabbed you around the waste, spinning you around in his arms. You caught yourself on his shoulders, feeling his warm breath combat the cold on your cheeks. He grinned cheekily down at you, eyebrows raised.

“I didn’t lie,” you unashamedly spoke. “Ive always thought you were cute. Hell, the only reason I came to the bakery so much was because of you.”

“What about the muffins?” He mused.

“Harry, a girl gets sick of eating muffins every single Saturday for 2 years in a row.”

He chuckled, squeezing your waist gently. But, then, his eyes fell slightly, his lips molding into a frown. His grip loosened and he almost stepped back. But, he didn’t. “Do you wanna go on a date tomorrow? With me?”

“I’d really like it if you could get Niall’s number for me, but I guess you’ll do,” you whipped your head around in exclamation.

He scoffed, laughing loudly, before pulling you against his chest. You just stood there, hugging each other lightly, though you were shivering in the breeze. Soon after, he walked you home and even kissed your cheek prior to leaving. You giddily walked up to your bedroom, bare of much decoration because of your schooling situation. You closed the door and leant against like a heartsick teenager. You felt the same way you did two years ago, head over innocent heels for some stupid boy. You didn’t know if this would work, given your future career and his present one. You didn’t know what his favorite color was, but he did telll you his favorite way to drink tea. You didn’t know who his childhood cartoon crush was, but you knew that when he looked at you, your stomach was in flames.

You didn’t know what you would regret in the future, as no one does. So you decided to jump.

-

Harry had definitely gone on Pinterest.

When you opened your door (only knowing he would be arriving at the time he did because you spent the entire afternoon, night, and morning texting one another) you immediately smelled the sweet fragrance of men’s cologne. It was nice, slightly overwhelming, but nice nonetheless. He held a bouquet of red roses, your favorite because you told him you were a fan of cliches. He wore a jade green button-up, short-sleeve dress shirt. It was obviously new, given away by the fact that there were creases in his sleeves. (His favorite color was ocean blue, by the way, and yours was the color of his shirt.) In his other hand was a picnic basket, which he held up to you after he handed off the roses.

“It’s freezing outside, Harry,” you giggled whilst motioning him to step inside. He did, following you into the kitchen.

You set the roses up in a vase as he replied, “I know. But its okay because I have a really nice idea.”

“Okay, I trust you,” you spoke reassuringly. You turned towards him from your spot by the counter.

Harry’s eyes trailed over your figure, clad in a long-sleeve, ocean blue wrap top tucked into a pair of blue jeans which stopped just above your black ankle boots. Gold jewelry dangled above the neckline and from your ears, your hair tied up in a low messy bun which took too much effort. “You look lovely, by the way.”

“You, too,” you grinned, meeting his eyes. “Guess we both thought of impressing one another.”

“I went to three different stores to find this,” he spoke as you began to lead him back to the front door.

“Uh, me, too. Don’t act so special,” you grabbed your coat off the rack and slipped your arms through it. Harry laughed.

You bid farewell to your parents, who were watching television in the living room. They gushed over Harry, about to ask him a million questions when you said, “Dinner reservations, sorry, got to go!”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. You didn’t let go, and neither did he, but he had to in order to open your door. You hadn’t expected this and hesitantly slid into the passenger seat. “Thanks.” You told him once he started the car.

After a few moments of adjustable, comfortable silence, you piped up again, “So, where exactly are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

You arrived to a park two towns over after half an hour. It was massive, with lookout spots all over the hills. He parked in one with the trunk of his mum’s car facing out over the countryside. He opened your door for you, again, and led you to the back of the car.

“Okay, Ted Bundy,” you giggled lightly, walking ahead of him.

“Oh, please, I dont want to kill you,” he scoffed, popping the trunk. “At least not until the nights over.”

“Why not?” You held his eyes, not yet looking to the trunk.

He shrugged, “Because I have to get a goodnight kiss first.”

He left you stunned, cheeks red and eyes wide. Harry sat down in the trunk, leaning back against the pillows and blankets decorating the small space. You grinned at him, as he was awaiting your reaction. He leant a hand and helped you settle next to him. You both crossed your legs in order for him to set the picnic basket down. He shut the trunk, the heater cranked up and the radio playing.

“Were wasting so much gas,” you laughed, shedding your coat.

Harry took it from you, folded it, and set it on the folded down back seats. He took off his own, “Dont worry about it. I’m rich, remember?”

You tossed your head back with a loud laugh. The hours flew by from there on: He had made finger sandwiches, which you ate with liberation, and homemade lemonade packaged in a thermos. His mother helped him melt chocolate and cover strawberries in it. He had even made a mini cake at the bakery and packaged it all nicely for you two to share. You talked about everything you hadn’t already discussed: Music, books, television, his supporting act on tour, your favorite professors. You told him about your dumb job waitressing, about the lady who had tipped you one-hundred euros.

Once you were done, you helped him pack up the trash. He set the picnic basket in the front seat before shutting off the car. The sunroof was closed, but the stars were visible through it. He laid down on the blankets, head smushing the pillows. You sat there for a moment, feeling slightly awkward, before he motioned for you to lay down, too.

You cleared your throat, face hot and body stiff, before doing so. There were barely a few inches between you, but Harry made sure there were none. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and tugged you into him. You took the liberation to lean your head on his chest and lay your arm across his stomach. No words were exchanged, but they didn’t need to be. Everything that you could learn had probably already been said: Deeper stories, moments, could be exchanged later. A bond was now established and you already knew what was coming.

For now, you could only enjoy the moments that he was here: His hand in yours when he drove you home; hand in yours as you led him to the front door; lazily smiling down at you; a gentle, comforting hug; his eyes flickering between yours, your lips; his breath fanning closer until he stole his goodnight kiss.

“Guess you can kill me now.”

TAG LIST: @mantlereid , @boxofteenageideas , @dinosaursandsocks @ashhdaniellee95 @heartbreakcity @sadhwstudent

[smallblueandloud]

fsk emotions: the playlist

(i’d like to apologize in advance for how long this is going to get. UPDATE: yeah, this is around 4k, i am So Sorry.)

in case y’all weren’t aware, i have fitzskimmons emotions ALL THE TIME. my poor friends have to deal with me texting them at 11 pm like “i’m freaking out about fsk again” embarrassingly often. so, i figured i’d try to share some of those emotions with y’all, in the form of songs from my private fsk playlist on spotify. 

that playlist is 63 songs long. hopefully i will not feel the need to talk about ALL 63, but i’m not going to make any promises. y’all know what i’m like about this. i’m planning on giving you a list of the songs for your listening pleasure, and then go into detail about the lines / vibes from each song that i think especially fit the ship. we shall see how this goes.

just a warning: my music taste is very all over the place. i associate the sound of 80s love songs with fsk, so there’s gonna be a few of those, but also some weird obscure indie songs and some pop and just... bear with me, okay? these songs are in no particular order, because i have no idea how to make a “”legit”” playlist or whatever the heck y’all are doing to make such good mixes. i’m just gonna stick a tracklist here and move on.

can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

gravity // sara bareilles

new year’s day // taylor swift

don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

i choose you // sara bareilles

ordinary people // john legend

carry on // fun.

blackbird // the beatles

thunder road // bruce springsteen

the long and winding road // the beatles

the archer // taylor swift

army of angels // the script

paper rings // taylor swift

lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

wonderwall // zella day

team // noah cyrus

i melt with you // modern english

cornelia street // taylor swift

coroner’s report // molly ofgeography

two // sleeping at last

fair // the amazing devil

arms unfolding // dodie

making love out of nothing at all // air supply

all the song explanations are under the cut, because this is going to get long. there’s also ten honorable mentions if you manage to make it to the end of this. let’s get started!

1. can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

i felt legally required to put this one first because i literally named my magnum opus after it. i like this song a lot on its own, but it specifically reminds me of fsk because the idea of your partner(s) as the place you will always gravitate towards is peak fsk for me. also, these three are canonically each others’ reassurance and rock and i’m just... i love them a lot, okay? this song’s imagery and lyrics have come to be inextricably associated with fsk for me and i love it a lot.

important lyrics: “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night”

“And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore“

2. gravity // sara bareilles

this one goes second because it’s probably my favorite song of all time. i play it on repeat whenever i’m feeling sad or anxious or pining or happy or just... anytime, lmao. but i also think it’s a very fsk song, and more specifically the fitzdaisy relationship! not only does it have more of that “gravitating towards each other” theme (more literally in this case), but the lyrics are also... very much fitzdaisy, i think, who are very much each others’ safe space and have been vulnerable with each other from the very beginning.

important lyrics: “ Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone”

(although really every single lyric fits really perfectly, so go and check out this song! it’s genuinely my favorite song ever and i think everyone would benefit from a listen or two)

3. new year’s day // taylor swift

the most underrated song from reputation, this song is probably the most INTENSELY fsk song i’ve ever heard. these three have grown up together, have changed together, have left their mark on each other in ways that can never be undone. the thing i’m most nervous for in the series finale is the show completely ignoring that impact (along with all three’s relationships with coulson and may especially!). no matter their romantic configuration, none of them would be the same if they hadn’t known the others. and new year’s day really articulates that, along with a really sweet feeling of trust and the image of them cleaning up together after a party - which makes perfect sense when you think about canon, and how they’d stick together even after leaving the life-changing experience of shield. even though there’s no more life-changing adventures, they’re still going to be together, and that means something. y’all, this song is really good and the best fsk song ever and you NEED to listen to it.

important lyrics: “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

4. don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

look, just let them be happy, okay? also, i really love the trust aspect of this song, which i associate intensely with the fsk relationship. after all of the betrayal and pain and suffering they’ve experienced, i really love thinking about how much all three must trust each other, even in canon. also i wrote a fic where all three danced to this song and now i won’t ever get that image out of my head.

important lyrics: “Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey, if I get restless Baby, you're not that kind”

“And nobody told us 'Cause nobody showed us And now it's up to us, babe Whoa, I think we can make it“

5. dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

okay, this song is a bit darker than the others but i am a secret lover of springsteen, shh. also the mood works VERY well for three agents of shield who haven’t gotten a break since they left college. i really like the idea of them making their own happiness in the middle of the darkness together, because that’s part of why i’m so emotional about them! they are each others’ safe space and protector!

important lyrics: “You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

6. born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

heck yeah, let’s talk about the fact that no one in the ot3 would be the same if they hadn’t met the others! not just that, but the fact that they support each other and are a big reason why each of them have made it through the pain of the series with, like, less trauma then they could’ve. fitz was there for daisy when she developed her powers and is the one who talked her into coming back in s4, daisy was there for jemma when she came back from maveth (and in the framework), and jemma and fitz have been supporting each other since they worked things out in s3. also, they know each other insanely well and i think this song does a great job of expressing that!

important lyrics: “I never knew anybody 'til I knew you I never knew anybody 'til I knew you And I know when it rains, oh, it pours And I know I was born to be yours”

7. i choose you // sara bareilles

they! change! together! thank you for coming to my ted talk! also, i’m just... very obsessed with the idea of them choosing to be together, choosing to try to work through their problems, even when there have been so many. i am also obsessed with the idea of them spending their lives together. leave me alone.

important lyrics: “We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing And even better I get to be the other half of you”

8. ordinary people // john legend

i really, really love this song, actually? i’m a big fan of a lot of his music lmao. but i like this song specifically because it’s about how complicated love can be sometimes, and i think fsk’s love gets really complicated sometimes! and like, despite it all, they love each other and they’re trying to work it out. but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard sometimes! (shoutout to the fic i titled with a lyric from this song that exemplifies that exactly)

important lyrics: “I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow”

9. carry on // fun.

first off, this song has INTENSE post-framework fitz vibes. this is very much how i headcanon his relationship with violence works after they escape from the framework and fuck canon. but also, just, the idea of them all healing together? the idea of them moving on together after shield? poetic cinema. chef’s kiss. they’ve all changed SO MUCH since the show started, and yeah, not all of that change is good! but at least they’re still together.

important lyrics: “You swore and said we are not We are not shining stars This I know I never said we are Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

10. blackbird // the beatles

i don’t know what about this song reminds me of jemma but something in this song reminds me of jemma, and fitz and daisy helping her heal. regardless, i am So Into them helping each other heal! mostly because the way that the show refuses to give them a break is SO FRUSTRATING. (also it tends to involve them being soft with each other and i am Weak.)

important lyrics: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly”

11. thunder road // bruce springsteen

this is probably my second favorite song of all time. i am Absolutely Unbiased For Sure. regardless, i adore the imagery of this song, the contrast between the poetic feeling of it and the down-to-earth lyrics. this song, to me, is about people coming back to each other at the end of a long long journey. being in love while tired and recovering from a long, painful, messy life. and that just fits them... so well.

important lyrics: “Well now I'm no hero That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood”

“With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now Except roll down the window And let the wind blow back your hair? Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere“

(y’all do not understand how hard it was to not copy All The Lyrics. you really really have to listen to this song.)

12. the long and winding road // the beatles

EXACTLY THE SAME THING THAT I SAID FOR THE LAST SONG. god this song works so well for them. they are never going to be able to leave each other because they’re so interconnected and yeah, part of that is circumstance, but so MUCH of that is CHOICE. they CHOSE to spend time together, they CHOSE to spend time together, i’m getting emotional over here.

important lyrics: “The long and winding road That leads to your door Will never disappear I've seen that road before It always leads me here Lead me to you door”

13. the archer // taylor swift

this is THE definitive daisy pov song. try to tell me i’m wrong. you can’t. daisy showing vulnerability is a BIG DEAL because of how easily she deflects things! she shows vulnerability to people she loves, most notably mack, coulson, fitz, and jemma! it physically pains me to think about how much she trusts them, y’all. there’s also this sense of melancholy throughout the song, because she’s never going to be the person that she once was. I’m Upset, Y’all.

important lyrics: “Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you”

14. army of angels // the script

this song is courtesy of @theclaravoyant, who recommended this as THE fsk song, and i think she’s very right! they fight TOGETHER, y’all. i’m very emo about it. their love is TRANSCENDENT and helps them OVERCOME their obstacles and i’m Really Upset About It, okay?? this song especially sounds like jemma’s voice, but it works so well for any of them and i Love It.

important lyrics: “When they got me cornered Close to giving in Oh I feel you round me like a second skin”

15. paper rings // taylor swift

*sobbing* i just want them to be HAPPY. i think part of my feelings about this song stem from, like, how fsk manages to find love during really, really dark times? and manages to be in love with each OTHER during the events of the show, which are VERY DARK as i think we can agree. and yet they managed to get together! and they managed to stick together! and idk, y’all, i’m just so soft for permanent partnerships and people being Married(tm) and this song brings that in SPADES.

important lyrics: “Kiss me once 'cause I know you had a long night Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life”

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this“

16. lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

this song just SCREAMS domesticity to me and no it’s absolutely NOT because i used a lyric from this song to title my collection of domestic fsk ficlets, i have no idea where you would get such a ridiculous idea. they are all BEST FRIENDS okay and they’re in LOVE and they come HOME TO EACH OTHER at the end of the day. they genuinely like spending time together. god, this song is so cute, i love it so much.

important lyrics: “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday”

17. wonderwall // zella day

before you tell me i’m being stupidly cliche, look at the artist. and then realize that the artist doesn’t make a different for how cliche i’m being. first off, this is such a wlw song (google that one car commercial if you don’t believe me) and skimmons is kind of. my peak wlw song. but also this song is so lovely because it’s about people persevering through challenges to be together, even their own feelings, and that’s VERY good and VERY fsk. i’m just very gay, alright? leave me alone.

important lyrics: “And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

18. team // noah cyrus

this song is from @bobbimorseisbisexual’s fsk playlist (thanks al i love you) and it’s VERY GOOD for this ship. god, i have so many emotions about them being on the same team (which is part of why it’s so FRUSTRATING when the show tries to split them up-). especially because trust is such a big aspect of their relationship? look, these are three people who have been betrayed a lot, even by each other. it’s so IMPORTANT that they trust each other to be on the same team!! (also this song is one of the only songs i’ve ever heard that’s apparently singing to both a man and a woman, and i’m gonna ignore the fact that it’s a duet. let me have my poly songs.)

important lyrics: “Whenever you're winning I'll give you strength, boy And I'll share your name, girl 'Cause I'll always be on your, I'll always be on your team Yeah, I'll always be on your team”

19. i melt with you // modern english

this song is sponsored by @florchis, who not only was the person that first told me about this song but also named her entire fsk collection after one of the lyrics. she has very good taste. first off i love how high-energy and happy this song is. declaring your love for someone is a VERY fun thing to do in the best of circumstances! and i just love the idea of them taking time for each other in the middle of all of their shield business. i love them so much, y’all.

important lyrics: “Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face (let me hear you) Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace (c'mon)”

“I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference And it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do”

20. cornelia street // taylor swift

YES, i know this is the FOURTH tswift song on this list. she’s really good at songwriting, okay? also... y’all.. the VULNERABILITY. the LONGING. the idea of having to deal with the very real fear of loss fits VERY well for a ship where everyone involved is in mortal danger three times a week. also, the idea of never being able to separate the memories of a place from the people? that’s peak fsk. i know i keep saying this but they’re all HUGELY INFLUENTIAL on each other and it’s a BIG DEAL!! they’re never going to get over this relationship, this love, and I’m Never Going To Get Over Them.

important lyrics: “And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

21. coroner’s report // molly ofgeography (aka @ofgeography)

first off, everyone should listen to this ENTIRE ALBUM because it’s VERY GOOD. secondly, i know this song is really sad but imagine this as steeling yourself for the series finale. canonverse fsk hurts SO MUCH, y’all, and i love them so much. the metaphor in this song is *chef’s kiss* and the guilt of losing love is.... yeah. i’m sad. please be sad with me.

important lyrics: “How do you bury love, and what gets carved into the stone? If I had waited by the window would love be safe and back at home?”

“We held hands in the procession, black and veiled and strange You said, ‘love was good when love was here,’ it didn't ease the ache“

22. two // sleeping at last

okay i definitely think that part of this is me being an extreme 2 and therefore considering this song the Peak of Romance. which is probably a little unhealthy but leave me alone. i don’t know enough about enneagram types to diagnose any of the ot3, but definitely this song resembles all of them to some extent, especially daisy. (i am in pain.) this song, to me, feels like daisy pining for fs in canonverse. (i am in PAIN.) she would ABSOLUTELY give parts of herself up for them and count on the fact that they wouldn’t notice. god, this hurts so much. i love this song so much. if it helps, i think in a happier universe they all also sacrifice parts of themselves for the others? which hurts too but in a good way.

important lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat”

“I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too“

23. fair // the amazing devil

this song is CRIMINALLY unknown. GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW AND THEN MEET ME BACK HERE. this song just screams fsk at me. the humor, the depths of love, the good-natured resentment, the depths of love... god. it’s so good. i definitely think the strength of their emotions for each other overwhelm them sometimes. i think they find comfort with each other, i think they tease each other, i think they’re disgustingly in love all the time. god.

important lyrics: “She promises to fight them all when it all becomes too much And he, he curses at the world for Leaving him behind and he's falling out of touch And she is stronger than he's ever been he knows And she brushes her hand through His hair, he's got so much fucking hair”

“And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay And when they're sure no-one can hear them She'll turn to him to say, she'll turn to him and say It's not fair, It's not fair how much I love you“

(yes i DID copy more than i’ve been copying for the rest, because the songwriting in this song and album are PHENOMENAL and YES i will harass y’all until you listen to it because LOOK AT HOW GOOD IT IS.)

24. arms unfolding // dodie

i know, i know, this is a really short song. but it’s really pretty and i think it fits daisy, like, extremely well. think about daisy during early s4, specifically. she loves them enough to break down her walls. that’s what this song is about. and that’s what i’m gonna go cry over now. god this post is so long what the heck.

important lyrics: “Hope I'm not tired of rebuilding 'Cause this might take a little more I think I'd like to try Look at you And feel the way I did before”

“You know I could live without or with you But I might like having you about“

25. making love out of nothing at all // air supply

okay, so i admit it, i’m actually a HUGE fan of really cheesy 80s music. but i really love this song for them? especially jemma. i think it fits jemma really well. first off, it’s that good old vulnerability with admitting that she doesn’t know everything! and it’s admitting that she specifically doesn’t know what she’s doing with this relationship! and admitting how much she loves both of them even though she might not have wanted to! and i think she’s just... so amazed, so so amazed at the way that fitz and daisy are able to forgive and be loving even when they’re in the worst situations? which is definitely a big message of this song. (oh jemma, i love you and your violent tenancies. i see al’s valid criticisms and i am Loving You Anyway.)

important lyrics: “I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em And I always know the name of the game But I don't know how to leave you And I'll never let you fall”

“And I don't know how you do it Making love out of nothing at all”

jesus CHRIST this got long. i actually also had a bunch more songs that i didn’t have a LOT to say about but i thought they fit anyways, so uh, honorable mentions:

can’t help falling in love // elvis presley (”wise men say only fools rush in / but i can’t help falling in love with you”)

the longest time // billy joel (they’ve influenced each other)

after all // peter cetera & cher (they’re never going to be able to forget the influence they have on each other)

leave a tender moment alone // billy joel (daisy pov for skimmons. that is all)

she // dodie (i am Soft and Gay and skimmons is also Soft and Gay)

bremen // pigpen theatre co. (honestly idk what to say here, it’s just The Vibe)

say something // a great big world (similar vibe to ordinary people)

saturn // sleeping at last (Science and also Influence On Each Other)

celeste // ezra vine (thanks to al for this one too, i REALLY want to write a fic about them and this song at some point)

 you’re the inspiration // chicago (i just love the sound of this song. also i think all of them - but jemma especially - are inspired by the others to be better)

[panharmonium]

some disjointed thoughts about stranger things 2 under the cut (concealed to hide spoilers from my sister)

so, season 2!

i’ve gone into every season of this show knowing absolutely nothing about it.  i’ve had no exposure to the fandom or to reviews or anything that would indicate what it was about or how good the seasons are in relation to each other, which i like, because i know my opinions are my own.  season 1 i watched back in the winter, i think, and it was amazing.  blew me away. 

i just finished season 2 and i’m like...not as into it?

and i’m glad i had no preexposure to anything, because if i had, i’d worry that i was just being influenced by other people’s opinions, but i genuinely don’t know what people think of the various seasons.  i’ve been stringently avoiding anything about this show, have it blocked on tumblr, etc, so i could watch it cold.

i’d have to watch it again to really pin down the places where my investment was flagging, and i’ll probably do that eventually, because i know my roommate will want to see it, but my general impression was this: they had me hooked in the beginning, and then they started to lose me.

- i feel like overall it was 9 episodes where very little substance actually happened.  plotlines were stretched out over a reallllllly long period of time and became paper-thin.  like nancy and jonathan?  the only thing they really did over those entire nine episodes was make a tape recording and send it to the paper.  that was their whole story, and it could have fit in one episode.

- and what did happen felt like it suffered from a lack of focus.  can i explain this in more detail without watching the show again?  not really.  but i just mean that in S1, i could tell you what each of the main character’s arcs were, and i could lay out how those arcs had clear beginnings, middles, and endings.  in S2, i can really only do that for El (and even that i feel like got messy by the last third).  

- the horror vibe was different this season.  it was LESS scary, to me.  S1 was a CREEP factor that had my skin crawling - it wasn’t like...creature horror - it was the unsettlingness.  the whole parallel world thing was so - well, the only word for it is unsettling, like.  you felt like you could take a step and accidentally wind up somewhere no one should be - the idea that you can be trapped so close to somebody and yet so far away - you just felt like the world was inside out (or upside down, if you will).  and so much of the fear in the first one came from how incomprehensible and uncertain the entire situation was - you didn’t know how things worked and nobody believed you when you tried to tell them what was happening.  that scene where the christmas lights spell out R-U-N?  scariest fucking thing i’ve ever seen.  but S2 changed it to be like...it felt like more of a monster flick.  like a zombie movie or something - lots of creatures running around that you can just shoot with a gun - that’s just not really the same vibe as the first season, and i didn’t find it quite as interesting.

- i don’t want to be That Person, because i liked maxine as a character in general, on her own terms, but from a writing perspective - what even was the purpose of her introduction?  her and her brother both, honestly, the whole family.  i feel almost bad for saying that, because i can guarantee that there were people out there complaining about her being introduced because “they just wanted to have another girl; it’s so stupid, blah blah,” cue more sexist stuff, etc, and that’s really not where i’m coming from, but for me, from a general storytelling perspective, i don’t understand why she or her family were introduced.  they were superfluous to the story.  they didn’t need to be there.  and since i don’t even feel like the returning characters got enough development this season (see point #2), i don’t understand why we spent so much time on her/her family/her introduction to the Party.  it felt like filler.

- stranger things S2 did that thing teen wolf does where 2/3 of the way through the season it drops a tonally-different expository/flashback episode that does a lot of the legwork tying other shit together while also being completely disconnected from the rest of the plot, which is basically an info dump and is my least favorite way of relaying plot/getting characters to the spot the writer wants them to go.  i think kali was the most interesting new character we met this season; i was rapt every time she was onscreen, but i don’t love the “we’re going to shove all of the character development and background info into this one episode and at the end El has had her turnaround and goes back home.”  it didn’t feel believable to me.  are we ever going to see those people again, or were they just a plot convenience to serve the aforementioned purpose?  (idk, i haven’t watched S3 yet, so...we’ll see.)

- some weird...minor tonal changes/dropped plots?  in S1 one of the running undercurrents was how mike and nancy’s mom wanted them to talk to her and she really did care about what was going on but they couldn’t connect to her and that bothered her, whereas in S2 it’s like - that theme has been dropped; she’s not involved in their lives really at all, and her and ted’s spousal relationship is just being played for laughs, and there was that REALLY weird scene with her like...lusting after billy??????  that was so fucking bizarre.  

and until one line in the very last episode, they dropped the whole thing about hopper’s daughter, too - the way they wove that into the first season was brilliantly done, and just - you don’t see a bit of it in S2, and that felt off, to me.

- killing bob was a bad call.  it was gratuitous, AND it was contrived - who the hell is running for their life and then just stops dead in the lobby to smile at their girlfriend?  ANY SENSIBLE PERSON WOULD KEEP RUNNING FOR THE DOOR.  like - bob died, but the doctor survived????????  the doctor, who was attacked and immobilized and defenseless in a stairwell, somehow wasn’t killed??????  of course not, because he needed to survive, so he could get El her papers later....that entire thing irritated me.  it made no sense.  that was actually the point where i said to myself “uh-oh.  first Bad-with-a-capital-B decision this show’s made.”  

- lack of consistency in terms of how, exactly, Stuff Works.  in S1 it was like - the Upside Down is everywhere.  the demigorgon could come through anywhere, if you were unlucky.  that was part of what made it so creepy - there’s this whole other world and it is RIGHT THERE with you, and sometimes the fabric separating the two universes gets scary thin, and bam, you’re somewhere no human has any business being.  whereas in S2 it’s like - ok, things are coming through this one portal and spreading through tunnels underground, in our own dimension???  like at first i thought hopper had actually entered the Upside Down in the tunnels, but then it seemed like the tunnels were still on our plane, just gross-looking.  so why in S1 could the demigorgon come through the ceiling of will’s house, or through that tree in the woods, or take barbara through the pool?  why did the lab people think burning that little gate would help, when the first monster from last season was obviously popping into our dimension from all sorts of other places?  

- this is a minor quibble, but it was driving me up the WALL in the last couple of episodes - what in god’s name were they injecting will with???  and HOW.  mike just grabs that syringe off the counter like “we need to make will go to sleep” - there is NO reason that anyone in the room would know what was in the syringe or what the correct dosage was or HOW TO GIVE AN INJECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.  joyce gives it???????  by stabbing straight down????????  into will’s arm????????????  what the hell kind of injection technique is that?!?!?!  that’s not....how that works.  ever.  and maxine does it to billy too, in his NECK - just straight in there.  there is no....look, people in human medicine can weigh in better than me here; maybe things are different, but just from the veterinary perspective, you can’t just stab a creature any old place you want, and giving something via any route that isn’t intravenous isn’t going to drop an animal immediately, AND you do not have control over how long they’re going to be out.  if you give a sedative, you can’t just wake an animal up by wafting ammonia under their nose.  AND the animal is likely not going to be actually asleep until you also give an anaesthetic induction agent, and if you do give an anaesthetic induction agent, you’d better have some monitoring equipment and a breathing apparatus hooked up to your patient!

look, it just - the “go to sleep” injection was used to solve too many critical situations for me to just ignore it.  it bothered me.

anyhow.  overall, i didn’t hate it.  but i thought it was way less cohesive than the first season, and therefore way less effective.  i’m still curious to see what happens in S3, but my expectations are lower now. 

[if you wanna talk to me about this, you have my permission, but ONLY if you’re able to do it without talking about S3 in any capacity, including your own personal evaluation of how good/bad it is in relation to the other seasons.  i like to watch without knowing other people’s opinions of things, otherwise i feel like my viewing experience is colored by what i hear.  thanks! :) ]

[ahiddenpath]

Epilogue Celebration: Family

I keep running behind with these, there’s so much going on!  HOW ABOUT THAT STEVEN UNIVERSE FINALE, EH?

I keep intending to write a ficlet, but I can never seem to stay on top of it.  I hope you’ll accept some miscellaneous 2028 family headcanons below the cut.

-Taichi is one of the last Chosen to have his first child, age wise.  This is partially because he’s busy representing digimon in human government, and humans to digimon.  It’s a difficult and demanding job, both in terms of the work and the emotional toll as a subset of humans exploit digimon and a large swath of humans fear them.  It often feels like Taichi is standing alone in a huge chasm between the two parties, trying to bring them together with little interest from either side.

So, yeah, he’s not really thinking about kids and family...  Except that he is, and he’s eating his heart out with indecision over it.  I think it takes a ton of courage and time for him to decide to become a father.

Like many of the Chosen, Taichi can’t spend as much time with his child as he would like because of his career.  Still, his son adores him and thinks he’s the best Dad in the world, an attitude helped along by Agumon constantly saying so!

Taichi is a laid back and indulgent dad, except when his Worry kicks in.  His wife has put him in parenting time out when he gets into his head and starts hovering too much.

-Yamato and Sora also waited a while to have kids because of their family backgrounds.  They wanted to really be sure that they were ready first, committed to each other and to their new family.  (I wrote a drabble that gets into it here, if you’re interested).

Because Yamato is an astronaut and Sora is a clothing designer, they rely heavily on their parents and Takeru for help watching their children.  This is difficult for them, because they very much want to be with their kids...  But they also want to achieve their own aspirations.  Luckily, their parents and Takeru all dote on the kids, and sometimes squabble a bit over who gets them next.

Yamato tries to be chill about it, but it’s embarrassingly easy to get him gushing about his kiddos and the wife.  Like, he’s that guy who starts every sentence with, “My daughter/son/wife/brother/Gabumon/nephew...”  Missions are really hard on him for this reason.  He’s known to tear up when talking to his family from space.

Sora is Best Mom, having trained since age 11 by handling the Chosen.  Even when she’s away, the kids can’t get away with anything; her Mom Powers elicit confessions without much effort.  The trick is that the kiddos just can’t lie to their adoring mother who takes such great care of them.

Sora does have to monitor herself closely.  When her emotional state is poor, she sometimes snaps at the kids for normal kid stuff.  Meanwhile, Yamato has to watch out for his tendency to send mixed messages by retreating when his emotions act up.

-I talked about Koushiro as a Dad a lot both here and here.  His Dad strengths are supporting all of his daughter’s interests and engaging with her via activities and teaching opportunities, but he’s not skilled at understanding and meeting her emotional needs and giving social advice.  Happily, I headcanon him marrying a lady who is well-equipped to cover those areas.  He also sometimes just... gets scared of doing the wrong thing and retreats, but again, his parents and his wife quickly learn when to intervene.

-Mimi also has a parent post here.  She’s great at interacting with her kid and having fun with him, and as an adult, she’s learned how to set boundaries.  Still, she has a tendency to spoil her son, so luckily, there’s a wide network of beloved people helping to raise him to balance that out.

-Jyou!  Oh my god, Jyou would be the most amazing dad, fight me (there’s likely no need). 

The thing I most want to say here is that Jyou goes out of his way to expose his son to all kinds of careers and hobbies.  In fact, he asks his friends, including the Chosen, to allow his son to participate in their “take your kids to work” events.  He tells his boy that he can be whatever he wants, and that while he wants his son to find his passion and succeed in it...  If he ever needs a place to fall back on, Jyou will be there.  

He doesn’t want his son to experience the pressure he felt.  Still, he is sure to instill the virtues of hard work and service.

Honestly, I think his only major flaw as a parent is worrying too much about his kids, and also spending too much time at work (he’s a doctor, so that’s inevitable).  Luckily, Gomamon is around to keep things light-hearted, and to remind Jyou that is family needs him and he needs to go home now.

-Takeru is a great dad, and I think having his own family was really...  A dream?  Just a dream come true for him.  After his parents divorced, I think it’s clear that Takeru wanted his family back, the way it used to be.  These days, he has both parents (and they love babysitting), his brother, his sister-in-law, their kids...  And he has his own wife and child.  Things are no longer quiet at home or awkward with his parents.

Honestly, I think Dad Takeru is living his best life and organizing play dates and is just so happy.  He’s amazing with children, and they love him...  But his adult friends know to be wary when their kids and Takeru huddle up.  What the hell kind of mischief is he encouraging?  At least they never have to wait long to find out.

-Hikari is also an A+ Mama.  Her warm, sweet aura soothes kids and inspires good behavior, but don’t think she can be walked on!  A teacher takes no guff and knows how to convince kiddos to behave.

Hikari needs to learn to tend her mental health with love, care, and regularity.  Teaching saps her emotional strength, and she often feels depleted, but forces herself to keep smiling and giving her all.  There are times when everything just reaches critical failure levels, and she melts down.  

So, Hikari...  I’mma need you to love yourself the way you love everyone else.

-Oh my God, Daisuke.  Sometimes, he acts more like a brother or uncle than a father, so his kid gets away with things that he... probably shouldn’t.  I’m hoping he is with someone who disciplines instead of joining in on nonsense!

I can tell you that his son adores him, though.  They live a fun, loud, and noisy life!  Daisuke and his son both wish that Daisuke wasn’t so busy as an entrepreneur, but the good news is that Daisuke’s parents, sister, and Chosen friends (especially the 02 crew) are always willing to babysit.

-Miyako and Ken might have the most... stable????  Presence for their kiddos, since Miyako is a stay-at-home-mom.  I do think that, when her youngest goes into kindergarten, she starts working part time as a researcher for Koushiro’s company, but...  She’s always wanted a big, happy family, and she is always, always there for her kiddos.  I really admire that.

I think the kiddos might favor Ken, just because he’s not at home all the time, and...  Well, who doesn’t love Ken-chan?  I bet Miyako gets a little miffed when the kiddos rejoice when daddy comes home after she cared for them all day...  But she’s probably just as excited to see him!  

I kind of think Ken and Miyako are That Couple.  You know, the one that makes everyone think, blech, get a room, just from the way they look at each other.

Miyako is the kind of mom that can cheerfully yell at kids XD  Like, the standard speaking volume is pretty high in this household.  They’re the kind of sibling group that bickers one moment and cuddles and plays together the next.  She always sees to everyone’s needs, knows how to discipline, but also brings on the fun.  The only issue is that her emotions get carried away sometimes, and she needs to reel herself in before she riles up the kiddos to the point where they’re impossible to calm.

Ken, I think, is like an oasis for his kids.  Calm, soothing, understanding, patient, quiet...  He might not be as good as talking and taking charge as Miyako, but he’s an amazing listener, and he gives the world’s best hugs, certified.

He has his hands full with the bedtime routine, trying to wind everyone down after a loud, fun day with Miyako and each other.

-I believe that leaves Iori!  Ugh, I love him, and I love to think of him as this strong, capable man who dedicates himself to service.  He’s like a pillar to his daughter, who is likely the sweetest and kindest gen 2 baby.  Like so many of the Chosen, Iori’s career is demanding, but his wife, mother, and grandfather step in.  In fact, they might all live together?  And while his daughter loves all of them, Iori is her favorite.  In her eyes, he is just, kind, capable, dedicated, and strong, always helping the digimon and people who need help.

I think the only issue is that Iori doesn’t realize how big of a shadow he’s casting.  His daughter pushes herself to be everything that she sees in him, which is a lot for anyone, let alone a kid.  The good news is that her great-grandfather sees everything, and he is always telling her that she is more than enough.

I LOVE THEM ALL, THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

[femininenachos]

thank you so much for giving us an update on this! I really love the magaya au, where the story is going and just the way you're handling the whole thing. Can't wait for the next update (PS the gay panic Lexa had when a pretty girl touched her was a little too relatable)

Previously on Make America Gay Again: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

~~ * ~~

How about we take this someplace warmer, preferably inside?

It was supposed to be a throwaway suggestion; a joke. It genuinely wasn’t Clarke’s intention for it to come out sounding like a bad pick-up line, flirty undertone and all.

Except here’s the thing: 

Lexa agrees.

Shoots off the bench so fast it’s like someone jammed a red hot poker up her ass. And from Clarke’s perspective, it’s difficult to gauge if Lexa is that desperately eager to continue their conversation or she just really wants to escape the cold. But whatever the motivating factor might be, Clarke is more than okay with it.

It’s not even the first time her expectations have been upended today, which seems to be a recurring theme with Lexa. This gap between how Clarke assumes Lexa will react and the reality keeps throwing her for a loop.

She was ready to do the hard sell to convince Lexa to join forces. She’d rehearsed a whole TED Talk in the shower this morning, full of poignant emotional beats, weighty pauses, and a powerful closing statement.

It’s almost disappointing she didn’t get the opportunity to deliver it.

Because, with surprisingly little effort expended on Clarke’s part, Lexa is on board. 

They’re a team now.

Committed to working together; fighting for a common cause; ready and willing to do whatever it takes to prevent one less piece of human garbage from getting re-elected to public office.

Clarke is so fucking amped about their newly struck alliance, thoughts racing ahead at a mile a minute once they set off, that they’re at the park gates before it occurs to her she doesn’t have an actual destination in mind.

She comes to a gradual stop. Squints and scratches her head. “So, uh, where to?”

Lexa turns, slipping her hands into the vertical pockets of her dark wool coat as the blustery wind picks up again, scattering clumps of fallen leaves across the ground. With all the detailing on the coat—epaulettes and double-breasted brass buttons—she half reminds Clarke of a naval commander on shore leave. Which is a slippery slope to be on, because in the next second she’s picturing Lexa wearing an officer’s cap. Or rather, taking it off and shaking out that gorgeous mane of hair and…

No. This is not the time or place for rogue fantasies about Lexa stripping out of uniform.

“Hm. Well. Nowhere too public,” Lexa says, drawing Clarke’s attention back to their current predicament. “We can’t risk anyone eavesdropping and tipping off journalists—or, worse, my father’s campaign team.”

Clarke chews her lip as she considers their options, racking her brain and coming up empty. Until a radical idea enters from left field. It’s probably inappropriate, but she’s at a loss for other alternatives when discretion is paramount.

“My place is only four stops away on the metro.” 

(She isn’t still thinking about the hat. She isn’t.)

Lexa’s eyes go round. “Oh.” She peers at Clarke, uncertain, brow furrowing slightly. “I’d hate to impose.”

Clarke downplays it with a shrug, faking indifference while she ignores the flutter in her stomach. “You wouldn’t be. Plus, my roommate is away all week visiting his girlfriend so you don’t need to worry about your secret collusion with the enemy getting out.”

Lexa hesitates for a long moment, lips pursed in thought as she weighs the offer. Another strong gust batters them and Lexa shivers visibly this time, a full body shudder as she brings her shoulders up. Acting on impulse, Clarke unwinds the green and silver striped scarf (Slytherin represent) from her own neck and loops it around Lexa’s instead. 

“Looks like you need it more than I do,” Clarke explains, taking note of the pink tips of Lexa’s tiny, tiny ears and how they turn a deeper shade of red. It’s far too endearing and Clarke has to bite her lip to contain the little grin that threatens to overtake her entire face.

The gesture seems to startle Lexa out of her indecision, a softly spoken “if you’re sure” breathed out into the frosty air.

That’s how they find themselves on a crowded subway train ten minutes later, standing room only. The carriage was busy to begin with but when another twenty or so passengers pile on at the next station, jostling for limited space, Clarke is forced to move closer to Lexa to make room. Which is fine, until some jerk rudely pushes past them and Clarke loses her footing. Lexa catches Clarke’s elbow at the same time she stumbles into Lexa’s body, an automatic “sorry” leaving both their lips on impact.

Shaken, it takes Clarke a beat to register the sudden intimacy of their position. Her hands grip both ends of the borrowed scarf Lexa still wears and Lexa’s head is bent close, mouth only inches from Clarke’s. She gradually becomes aware of several details: the gentle fan of Lexa’s (mild coffee) breath over her cheeks; the slow bat of dark lashes; the shallow crease down the middle of an exceptionally pouty bottom lip; the two-inch height advantage Lexa has over her in heels. This close, she’s enveloped in a fog of perfume; it’s floral, undoubtedly expensive, and it smells fucking amazing on Lexa. Individually, these things would be enough to throw off Clarke’s equilibrium. Cumulatively? She’s way too bi for this. 

But the thing that makes her pulse leap and her mouth run dry is the way Lexa’s heavy gaze searches her face in return. Roaming across Clarke’s features before landing on her parted lips. Lingering there for a second or two too long. Pupils dilated. Eyes burning with an intensity that sends a warm flush across Clarke’s skin. When their eyes lock, clashing in the cramped space, Clarke feels her cheeks grow hotter.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks in a low voice laced with concern.

Clarke swallows thickly and gives a nod. “Yeah.” She lets go of the scarf; adding, embarrassed, “Thanks.” 

But Lexa’s hand remains cupped around Clarke’s elbow until they leave the train, the touch scorching a hole through her sleeve.

~~*~~

“Sorry about the mess,” Clarke says preemptively as she lets Lexa in. “If I’d known I was going to have a guest…”

It would probably still look like a tornado hit the place.

Lexa’s gaze moves around the living room, taking in the shabby interior with a hard to read expression. The longer the silent appraisal goes on, the more self-conscious Clarke becomes about the piles of papers and empty takeout containers on the coffee table, the clothes strewn over the back of the couch, and the fact she hasn’t vacuumed since Lincoln left for DC. 

“Just give me a minute to move all this crap.”

She scoops the clothes up in both arms and tosses them into her bedroom then shuts the door. Makes a trip to the kitchen to find a trash bag and stuff the takeout boxes into it. When she returns, Lexa is perched gingerly on the edge of the two-seater next to the window. She couldn’t look more out of place if she tried, juxtaposed amongst the mismatched furniture. Clarke almost laughs at the sight: this buttoned-up socialite with an air of mild superiority and barely a hair out of place, despite being windswept on the way over, slumming it in Clarke’s crummy apartment.

But she remembers her manners.

“Can I get you a snack or something to drink?”

Lexa demurs with a subtle shake of her head and a small smile. “I won’t stay long.”

She takes off the scarf and folds it on her lap but doesn’t remove her coat or even unfasten it. 

It is a little chilly in the apartment, so Clarke turns on the space heater for a quick blast before hanging up her parka on the hook beside the front door. She crosses the room to take up her usual spot on the couch.

“So?” Off the questioning look she receives, Clarke fills in, “Our plan of attack.”

Lexa’s shoulders relax by a degree. “Right.”

“Is there any dirt we can dig up about his personal life? Or, like, some kind of MeToo misconduct?” Clarke sits forward, elbows on her knees. “If we disgrace him, we could force him out of the race.”

“Doubtful. He’s always strived to show he’s a morally upstanding, church-going family man. And for reasons that escape me, he truly is devoted to my stepmother.” Lexa speaks as though the words leave a sour taste in her mouth. “So unless he had a secret affair that he’s done an excellent job of keeping hidden, I don’t think we’ll find anything.”

“What about his finances? Any irregularities there?”

“It’s on record that he has close ties with big pharma lobbyists and the oil industry. It doesn’t mean he’s breaking any rules. Besides, even if he was, I couldn’t gain access to that kind of information without raising suspicions.”

“Okay.” Clarke sighs, eyes downcast. 

She pulls off the beanie and sweeps a hand roughly through her hair in frustration, fingers getting caught briefly in a snag. Frowning at herself, she scoops her hair up into a ponytail using the elastic tie she habitually wears on her left wrist.

When she looks up again, she thinks she sees Lexa gulp before Lexa’s gaze shifts away to the side.

The immediate flush that creeps up Clarke’s neck has less to do with the space heater making the roam toastier by the minute than the fact Lexa was obviously staring at her.

A bit too abruptly, Clarke stands and hooks her thumb towards the kitchen. “I’m just going to grab a water. Sure you don’t want anything?”

Another shake of Lexa’s head. “No, thank you.”

Despite the polite refusal, Clarke returns with two glasses filled to the brim. 

(And so what if it took longer than it strictly should have, just because she had to open the fridge door and stand there for a minute to cool her cheeks?)

Her step falters when she discovers Lexa’s coat is gone, folded neatly over the armrest. She wears an ivory blouse tucked into her skirt, the boat neck providing a clear view of sharply defined collarbones, and Clarke shouldn’t be so compromised by this development but she is.

Seriously, why does Lexa’s every physical attribute have to be so offensively attractive? It’s like the universe is testing Clarke’s ability to function.

Somehow, she pulls it together. Responds to the raised eyebrow, aimed at the second glass she’s holding, with a casual shrug. “It’s important to stay hydrated.”

Their fingers brush as Clarke passes the glass over and she’s very careful not to react.

Lexa’s lips curve up slightly. “Something you and my stepmother agree on.”

The thought of sharing Nia Woods’s opinion on anything fills Clarke with abject horror. It makes her want to pour out the damn water and come back with that bottle of vodka from the back of the ice box. It must show in her expression because Lexa’s smirk grows a fraction wider.

“Don’t worry, Clarke. I won’t tell a soul. Your liberal credentials will remain intact.”

Clarke gives a withering look and sits down again. 

“Anyway,” she says pointedly. “There has to be something we can pin on your dad. A guy like that doesn’t get to be in the position he’s in without greasing a few palms and trading favours.”

Lexa scoffs. “Show me a politician who hasn’t. Even Democrats aren’t above reproach. Thelonious Jaha. Jacapo Sinclair. Diana Sydney. Shall I go on?”

“There are bad apples on both sides of the floor.”

“At least Republicans are transparent about their greed.”

“Just not their multitude of other sins.”

They lapse into a tense, prickly silence, one that lengthens as they hold one another’s stare, a combative glint in their eyes. While Clarke can’t deny there’s something invigorating about the verbal sparring, it isn’t getting them anywhere.

“Look, Lexa, I get that you’re reluctant to resort to underhanded tactics but destroying his reputation might be the only way to bring him down. If you haven’t got the stomach for it—“

“I didn’t say that.” Lexa’s jaw tightens. A few seconds elapse then she lets out a long, drawn out sigh. “Whatever I think of his politics or his character, it’s hard not to retain some affection for the man who raised me.”

Lexa places her untouched glass of water on the coffee table. She stares at her lap, adjusting the hem of her skirt.

“He wasn’t always like this.” Her voice is sadder, more subdued when she adds, “After my mother passed away, he changed.” She appears to fold in on herself a little, spine sagging under the weight of this admission. “Not that he was ever an open-minded, tolerant person but he was more… moderate, I suppose. Less entrenched in his views.” A muscle ticks in Lexa’s cheek. “Grief transformed him beyond recognition.”

Clarke is up and moving before it really occurs to her what she’s doing. She sinks into the seat beside Lexa, like her presence, the nearness might bring comfort.

“Part of me always hoped he’d mellow,” Lexa continues. “That eventually he would come around to scientific fact over religious dogma. Or, I don’t know, he’d be swayed by an appeal to his sense of humanity or whatever shred of common decency remains.” 

“It’s still possible.”

A wan smile tugs at Lexa’s mouth. “I think we both know that isn’t true.”

There’s a lull.

Until Clarke speaks up. “I lost my Dad when I was seventeen. Natural causes. If you can say that about an outwardly fit and healthy forty-two year old man. He was fine one day and the next,” she puffs out her cheeks and blows out a slow breath, “gone. He suffered a massive myocardial infarction while he was out running. Rare genetic heart disorder. Nobody knew.”

Lexa reels back slightly, brows shooting up. “Genetic…?”

“I got tested. I don’t have it.”

The relief that drains through Lexa’s face is instantaneous, but Clarke refuses to dwell on what it means.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke. Were you close?”

A nod. “We loved watching soccer games and old movies together. We had the same nerdy sense of humour and it drove Mom crazy.”

The way Lexa looks at her now, eyes glowing with soft sympathy, makes Clarke’s throat constrict, a hard lump of emotion wedging itself in her esophagus. But she finds the strength to keep going.

“Bereavement affects people in different ways. There’s no timetable, no universal coping mechanism. My Mom—she’s a surgeon—threw herself into work. I hardly saw her for the first six months afterwards. Any time I tried to talk about Dad she shut down, stopped the conversation and left the room. It took her years just to get to the point where she could even mention his name in front of me. We’re in a better place now. We talk. But it was kind of a fraught journey to get there.”

Clarke allows Lexa to process the exposition dump in silence for a moment.

She sighs at last. “I guess what I’m saying is: it’s never too late for personal growth, even for Titus fucking Woods.”

They share a wry glance and the tightness in Clarke’s throat recedes, the band of pressure around her ribs loosening.

“I hope you’re right,” Lexa says, so softly. And there’s something about the brittleness of her smile that tugs at Clarke in a way she can’t explain.

“Would it be too weird if I hugged you?” Seeing the surprise register on Lexa’s features, Clarke quickly backtracks. She waves it off. “Yeah, of course. It’s weird. Stupid question. Never mind.”

“Clarke.”

“Forget I said anything.”

Lexa puts her hand on Clarke’s wrist and, cliched as it is, Clarke feels a bolt of electricity shoot up her arm at the touch of their skin.

“I don’t usually—I’m not really one for—” Lexa presses her lips together. She shuts her eyes briefly. Resets and tries again. “If the offer is still open, I think I’d like that hug. Please.”

It’s the thin, strained ‘please’ that gets to Clarke most.

Awkwardness ensues. There’s a bit of logistical trial and error, a wordless negotiation of whose arm goes where, an exchange of sheepish smiles. But as soon as Clarke’s arms wrap around Lexa’s shoulders and she feels Lexa’s hands slide across her back through the fabric of her sweater, it’s like something clicks into place. 

The sensations hit her dizzyingly all at once. If she thought Lexa smelled incredible before, it’s overwhelming now. Her hair and her perfume and the scent of her skin. As covertly as possible, Clarke breathes it all in. And it strikes her how warm Lexa is. Warm and soft, despite her thin frame, and Clarke wants to melt into it. Attuned to the pressure of each finger against her spine, she’s hyper aware of every place that they’re touching: chests flush, knees knocking, the soft strands Lexa’s hair tickling her cheek. Clarke’s chest aches with the urge to pull Lexa tighter against her, to press her nose against Lexa’s throat, to let her mouth—

A light expulsion of air close to her ear sends a tingle rolling down Clarke’s spine. She can’t hide her body’s reaction, can’t prevent the sharp intake of breath. It’s a reflex; beyond her control. 

It snaps her out of this haze.

God, what the fuck is she doing?

There isn’t really a graceful way to disengage, especially when Lexa seems reluctant to let go. They both inch back, arms still loosely looped around one another, and Clarke makes the stupid mistake of catching Lexa’s eye.

There’s a moment.

An infinite moment of stillness where neither of them move.

A look on Lexa’s face that shakes Clarke to the core, that causes her stomach to plummet, heat coiling low in her belly. It’s that same hot gleam in Lexa’s eyes that Clarke glimpsed on the train but magnified to the extreme, pupils large and black enough to swallow her whole.

Lexa’s half-lidded gaze keeps flicking between Clarke’s mouth and her eyes. 

She can’t remember anyone looking at her with this much thirst. 

It makes her head spin.

“Clarke.”

Her name from Lexa’s lips seems like the most loaded word in the English language, a 12-gauge round that obliterates the last of Clarke’s self-control.

She isn’t sure who reaches for the other first, her own hand sliding across Lexa’s jaw as Lexa’s palm cups the back of her neck. 

All that matters is that Lexa’s mouth is soft and eager, and she makes a noise that sends a warm flood of excitement through Clarke when she licks inside.

Part 8

[a-crimson-lion]

How Losing Can Feel Like Winning (The Right And Wrong Way)

Me: *Looks at clock*

Me: Screw it, I got time to burn.

[Bad news: Bakugo Bashing. Good News: Not JUST Bakugo Bashing. I get the feeling some of you get tired of that.]

I've heard a phrase that goes somewhere along the lines of "Winning signifies victory, losing signifies a chance to learn from your mistakes." In this sense, losing can feel like winning in the right circumstances. However, that doesn't mean that's always a good thing. In order to elaborate, I'll be using two examples from My Hero Academia: Katsuki Bakugo and Izuku Midoriya.

+Katsuki Bakugo (Wrong Way)

In retrospect, I shouldn't be surprised. The "Katsu" part of Katsuki's name comes from the Japanese term that means "to win." It's only natural that even some of his failures are ultimately victories. However, these "subsequent victories," as I will address them as from here on out, don't exactly work in his favor, which I will explain later.

Also, something to keep in mind: characters will not always win something when they lose. Sometimes a loss is a loss. It may help in the long run, but we're looking at the losses that have a relatively close and significant impact shortly after the loss. Now then, let's begin:

The Battle Trial. Katsuki lost this by the parameters of the test. With this loss, he is confronted by the fact that Izuku, someone who should be "worthless" by his standards, managed to beat him. He spends the rest of the day having a lowkey mental breakdown because his worldview has been challeneged and he can't cope. However, once Izuku has recovered from his injuries, he ends up confronting Katsuki and telling him about his quirk, or at least enough for Katsuki to connect the dots, and Katsuki decides to refirm his resolve to overcome everyone is his class. Later, All Might will attempt to comfort him. So, Katsuki lost, and he gets insider knowledge on one of the world's most incredible quirks, his initial worldview is reestablished with some minor changes, and good old All Might shows up to comfort him. Yeah, looks like a subsequent victory.

Attacking Kurogiri. The Pro Hero No. 13 is about to apprehend Kurogiri at the USJ, but out of nowhere, Katsuki and Eijiro attack the menacing Warp Gate Villain, causing No. 13 to hold back and allowing Kurogiri to scatter Class 1-A to the winds. Only... what's this? Katsuki overheard Kurogiri saying "That was close," and thus came to the conclusion that he had a physical body!? How convenient! All sarcasm aside, this is an obvious subsequent victory.

Final Exams. Katsuki tries time and time again to try taking down All Might in their final exam, even though running away is a perfectly viable course of action and All Might (even handicapped and weaker than he's been before) is a force of nature to be reckoned with. Naturally, Katsuki gets his butt whooped, due to his initial refusal to collaborate with Izuku and his own adamant persistence in trying to take down All Might, and failing spectacular. But this will never affect him in the long run, because while Katsuki's out cold, Izuku comes to his aid, and drags him through the gate, letting them both pass. This is one of the subsequent victories that irritates me more than most, but I'll get back to that later.

Provisional License Exam. Fast forward a few months ahead, and our young heroes in training are finally gonna get their Provisional Hero Licenses! Well, except for Katsuki (and Shoto, but he's not the focus right now). At first, this seems like a momentous occasion! Katsuki didn't get his License; we're in for more character development!!! Well yes, but actually no. For starters, just because Katsuki didn't get his License NOW doesn't mean he won't get it LATER (which he does, and I will admit that he has every right to try again). Then, because DeKu got his License before Katsuki, his inferiority complex will rear it's ugly head, dragging Izuku out after curfew for an unnecessary pummeling (and NO, just because Izuku justifies it to himself doesn't mean I have to), after which he'll get a few days house arrest and learn the entire scale of One for All. Oh, that's not enough? He also conveniently avoids fighting against Mirio, an opponent who would absolutely curb stomp him. Even if he didn't follow Shoto's lead and stick to the sidelines because he lacked his license, Deku vs Kacchan 2 made sure that the narrative had a backup plan to keep him from earning a well deserved beating (though let's be honest, knowing Katsuki, it probably wouldn't do much). And to top it all off, he only gets a little bit better than he was before. Just a smidge. This one of those subsequent victories that makes me go "Ooh, you sneaky piece of crap" in regards to the narrative.

We'll stop there for now, since Season 4 isn't out yet and we really don't see much of Katsuki there, anyway. The reason I don't like any of Katsuki's subsequent victories is because they don't let his character grow; they shelter him from consequences and justify his less than ideal decisions. He gets comfort and privilege after a fight which only strengthens his flawed world view. He gets insider knowledge on how to incapacitate one of the villains by getting in the way of a Pro Hero who would have likely reduced the villain's impact. I don't like how he passes the Final Exams considering that even though Minoru carried Hanta out the gate, Hanta still failed (and while I don't like Minoru, I can admit that he shows strategic intelligence when it counts, though not much else). Why does Katsuki get to pass when Izuku basically does the same thing? And then the narrative tries to make it seem like Katsuki is recieving fair consequences for his actions, even though it will ultimately end up with a slap on the wrist and knowledge of a quirk he shouldn't know about, combined with the fact that he avoids a confrontation which might actually teach him something, and he'll get his License anyway.

Katsuki doesn't get to grow to be better; he just continues to get more physical growth rather than emotional growth, which will ultimately backfire as it has on people like Endeavor and numerous villains (I appreciate that Endeavor is attempting to change, but still). Subsequent victories are pointless if they don't let the character, y'know, actually improve.

Okay, Bakugo bashing over. Let's move on to...

+Izuku Midoriya (Right Way)

What's interesting about Izuku's subsequent victories is that there's not only arguably more of them compared to other Shonen protagonist, but there's also actual growth that comes with them, and not just another epic power boost that ignores the problems thus far. Let me elaborate.

Entrance Exam. This is the closest to a win that Izuku gets from a loss. Even though he actually passed thanks to rescue points, we don't know that, and Izuku doesn't know it, either. That makes it all the more relieving that Izuku actually passes his exam, and it's also a subtle reminder to viewers: "Raw strength isn't everything; actions are important, too." Of course, Katsuki would probably argue about that...

Midoriya vs Todoroki. This is probably his biggest subsequent victory to date because of the sheer impact it has on the series. We can see that even if he goes all out after freeing Shoto from his previous transgressions, Izuku still loses the match. It's what happens in the aftermath that REALLY sells the point across, though. Izuku actually has permanent damage thanks to his reckless use of his quirk at 100%. He gains an ally in Shoto, which will come in handy during the Stain Arc. He learns about All Might's Quirkless past, and he ultimately gains the incentive to learn what will eventually becime One for All: Full Cowl. A subsequent victory at its finest!

Deku vs. Kacchan 2. I've already said my thoughts about this fight during my spat on Katsuki. I still stand by that, especially considering that this subsequent victory is the closest to an actual loss as far as I'm going. Having said that, Izuku still benefits from this. Even if he lost that fight with Katsuki, he still managed to bump up his quirk output from 5% to 8%. Plus, when he returns to class, he'll see how far he has to go to really become a hero when he faces off against Mirio, leading into the Shie Hassaikai Arc.

And since he doesn't experience a subsequent victory that I can recall from that point to the end of the Shie Hassaikai arc, I'll just leave it there. The difference between Izuku's subsequent victories and Katuki's is that Izuku grows emotionally as well as physically. He gets into a hero school because of his heroic nature. He learns to better maintain his use of One for All and gains a powerful ally after he loses the match, while learning to take better care of himself when he's using his quirk. Finally, he gains a small but significant power boost from an otherwise pointless confrontation, later getting the proper perspective on how much farther he has to go on his path to heroism.

In a way, I think the above statements describe Katsuki and Izuku's work ethics.

Katsuki works hard, yes, but it's more for the sake of maintenance. He's not getting stronger and more versatile with his quirk because he thinks he has to; he's doing it because he thinks he's already the best of the best (most of the time), and now he has to prove it to everyone else.

Izuku works hard because he wants to actually push beyond his limits. There are no finish lines for Izuku, only checkpoints. Getting stronger is only a piece of Izuku's goal: to help save people. He doesn't think of himself as the best; he just wants to do better.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Crimson Lion (8 September 2019)

[futuresightcd]

The Indigo League - Johto Gym Leaders

Bugsy // Tsukushi :

Just how much Bugsy knows about Bug-Type pokémon astonishes Matsuba. Most times, it feels like the kid knows more about his type speciality than he does his own. Matsuba views Bugsy as a younger brother, and typically does what he can to make official league work loads a little lesser for the young blood.

Bugsy’s Scyther and Matsuba’s Haunter Yasu get along very well. They seem content to use each other as moving targets to train certain attacks.

Matsuba has the gym leader listed as ‘little beetle’ in his pokégear/phone.

Falkner // Hayato :

Hailing from a town as old fashioned as Ecruteak, Matsuba finds quite a lot of comfort in Falkner’s company. They’re close, in fact, to the point Matsuba will break his abstinence from physical encounter with him. It isn’t uncommon to find them walking arm and arm, or using one another as support if sat near each other.

Matsuba has had feelings for Falkner for longer than he can remember. They’re well hidden, however. He isn’t bold enough to tell the other Gym Leader & wouldn’t risk losing their platonic relationship over it if rejected.

Falkner, alongside Agatha and Sabrina, is one of the few who know the extent of some of the disturbing visions Matsuba’s had. He’s also one of the few that could without hesitation, list off the mystic’s favorites, && vice versa.

Every year, for Falkner’s birthday, Matsuba makes wagashi as his primary gift. It’s tradition. Though the flavor is always a surprise.

Whitney // Akane :

He will never speak the words aloud, but Whitney terrifies him. Not in the sense one is afraid of the dark, a ghost, clowns or cramped spaces. It’s her unpredictable, loud and chaotic personality that makes him very, very nervous. While generally able to save face, a talent long practiced, he’s always a little tense around her. Matsuba wasn’t always like this, but after something happened, he’s never gone back.

Matsuba sits as far away from Whitney as possible at league meetings.

He’s 100% guilty of watching his phone ring when it’s her caller ID.

He won’t talk about it.

Chuck // Shijima :

There are many mixed emotions when it comes to Chuck. As a trainer, and fellow Gym Leader, there’s a certain level of respect. Though outside of work, Matsuba is fairly judgemental. Watching the man’s wife wait on him, and for him, so often always makes him a bit peeved. Unfortunately, he’s not the type to poke his nose in other people’s business.

Chuck clapped Mat on the back so hard once, it knocked the wind out of him. Matsuba was sputtering for air for a solid three minutes.

At one of the annual league holiday parties, Matsuba had a little too much to drink and challenged Chuck to an arm wrestling match. He lost. Obviously. The lead up however, was the highlight of the year.

Jasmine // Mikan :

The young woman’s compassion for pokémon and people despite her type specialization is Matsuba’s favorite thing about her. Her dedication to the Ampharos responsible for making sure the lighthouse stays lit is something he deeply admires. That and her general quiet vibe really helps balance out the Johto League’s personalities. ( A lot )

He knows it’s not that funny anymore, but he sends her pictures of anything related to oranges. Often captioned with “Jasmine, is that you??”

Two trips have been made to the light house, because she swore up and down that there was something wrong. That it was ‘haunted,’ both times it was just an electrical problem.

Pryce // Yanagi :

Pryce has every ounce of respect that Agatha has from Matsuba. The sheer amount of time that the old man has been a gym leader was enough, but after learning that he stands under a waterfall even to this day? To meditate? Mat can’t fathom he’ll be anything like that past 50.

Pryce has thwacked Matsuba upside the head with his cane three times. Only one of those times did Mat actually deserve it.

As a kid, going to League meetings with his father, Matsuba used to ask Pryce for stories all the time. Usually he was just given Pryce’s Seel’s pokéball and told to go play. The few stories he did get, he still remembers.

Clair // Ibuki :

Matsuba has immense respect for Clair. Not only does she have a fierce elegance in her every day life, the pristine control on the battlefield always leaves him in awe. Blackthorne City is a ways away, but his visits to see the dragon tamer are more for advice and consultation than anything. As someone with ancestry heavy on her shoulders as well, he trusts her perspective.

Clair is one of the first people he calls when he doesn’t know what to do. She’s also one of the only people he tolerates laughing at him for how much he worries. 

They’ve exchanged good luck tokens, at least twice. Matsuba wears his as a bracelet; leather braided into a circle, with a Dragonair scale as a charm. The kanji for “peace” is carved into it.

thanks for coming to my ted talk :*

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

[ringa-starr]

What You Mean to Me Ch 8

A/N: Hey all my lovely dudes and dudettes! I really hated to do this but, I decided to split up part 8 because it was becoming too overwhelming and I didn’t want to keep you guys reading forever.

That being said, please enjoy this chapter and please like, comment, and give me your reactions..or don’t it’s up to you ;) 

Anyways stay excellent, breathtaking, and for the love of God be excellent to each other.

I love you guys

-Deidra <3

Deidra stopped walking when she could see her house in the distance, the sun having set ten minutes ago.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she willed herself to calm down, her hurting heart pounding in her chest as she slowly wiped her face with both hands, taking her sweet time walking up her sidewalk.

Relief mixed in with a bit of disappointment washed over her at the sight of Barry’s car not being in the driveway.

She could have really used the comfort of her twin right then.

‘He must still be out with Lainey”, Deidra said to herself as she walked up the driveway to the front door.

Sighing, Deidra opened the door, being met with the faint sounds of Adam playing Super Mario Brothers 2 downstairs in the basement as well as the sight of her dad sitting in his favorite lounge chair in the living room, watching Gilligan’s Island with Lucky curled up in his lap.

Hearing the door open, Lucky’s furry little head popped up, her tongue sticking out as she jumped out of Murray’s lap and ran as fast as her furry little legs would carry her to Deidra.

“Hey, girl!” Deidra greeted the puppy softly with forced enthusiasm, forcing a big smile on her face as well.

Slightly leaning down, Deidra picked the small, white Cockapoo up, Lucky immediately licking the teenager’s face with wet, loving doggy kisses.

Deidra’s forced smile turned into a real small one as Lucky’s kisses caused her to giggle.

“Thank you for the kisses, baby”, she said, rubbing Lucky’s cold, wet nose against her own right before Lucky started licking her face again.

“Thank you for the kisses”, Dedra repeated in a baby voice, causing her to laugh a little harder.

“Hey, moron”, Murry said from his spot in his chair, not taking his eyes off the tv. “Keep it down. I’m trying to watch tv in here,”

“Sorry, Dad”, Deidra apologized with a lighter smile before walking upstairs with Lucky in her arms.

After opening her bedroom door, Deidra placed Lucky on her bed, the puppy immediately going over to one of her owner’s fluffy throw pillows and trying to find a comfortable spot on it before lying down, curling herself up in a nice, little ball of curly, white fluff.

Deidra laughed at the sound of Lucky’s soft, deep breathing being heard a few minutes later indicating she was sound asleep.

Smiling, Deidra petted the puppy on the head as her personalized ring tone for Emily went off in her pocket.

“Hey”, Deidra greeted her best friend after answering her phone.

“Hey”, Emily replied, sticking a mini pretzel stick in her mouth as she lay on her stomach on her bed, a magazine laying open in front of her. “How’d it go?”

“With my parents or Ted?” Deidra asked.

“Both really”, Emily answered honestly, “but I was thinking more about Ted. Did he take the news okay?”

“Oh, Em it was awful”, Deidra admitted, feeling her heart hurt again.

Emily’s eyes widened, not expecting this at all.

“Why? What happened, Dee?” she asked.

Deidra did her very best to tell Emily the whole story without breaking down again, and surprisingly, she succeeded.

“What?!” Emily cried a lot louder than she intended once Deidra had finished her story.

Meanwhile outside Emily’s room, River was walking down the hall towards his own bedroom, gently tossing a shiny red apple in the air.

He stopped when he heard his sister’s exclamation, carefully pressing his ear to her closed bedroom door.

“You mean to tell me”, Emily said slowly, her voice filling with more anger by the minute as she sat on the edge of her bed, “that you told Ted that you’re pregnant with his baby and he just denied it like that…and even denied you two had something between you?!”

Deidra nodded, even though she knew Emily couldn’t see her.

“Pretty much, yeah”, was her reply.

Outside his sister’s bedroom door, River clenched his beautiful white teeth in anger as he threw the apple he was holding on the hardwood floor before running to his room.

Hearing a door slam open and closed a few times, Emily looked at her own bedroom door nervously out of the corner of her eye.

“Uh, Dee”, she finally said slowly and just as nervously into the phone. “Let me call you back. I think River might need my help with something.”

“Okay”, Deidra answered. “I need to go talk to my parents anyway.”

After wishing her best friend luck, Emily hung up and placed her cell phone in the pocket of her pajama shorts before rushing out of her bedroom only to see River with his jean jacket on, a metal baseball bat clutched in his fist.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Emily cried out, eyes wide as she hurried after her brother, following him down the stairs, his long, golden hair hitting her in the face a few times she was that close behind him.

At the bottom of the stairs, Emily reached out and shoved the barely open front door closed, River’s free hand still on the doorknob.

“Emmy, let me go!” River growled, fire in his diamond blue eyes. “I need to teach that bastard a hard lesson!”

“River, don’t do this!” Emily cried, knowing exactly what he was planning on doing. “You have a reputation to uphold!”

“To hell with my reputation!” River cried, his heart pounding in his chest as he thought about his sister’s best friend. “Deidra’s like another sister to me and to know someone’s hurt her and I don’t do anything-“

River cut himself off, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, his lips formed in a thin line, the bat still clutched in his hand.

“River please”, Emily begged, trying to convince her brother otherwise. “Don’t do something you’ll regret!”

River let out another slow, deep breath, Emily feeling his tense body relax a bit as she gripped his arm tight.

“You know what, Em”, he finally said, slowly opening his eyes and looking at his younger sister. “You’re right. I do need to think this through.”

Emily let out the breath she was holding as she released her hold on her brother, a small smile crossing her face.

“Good”, she sighed. “T-This is good. I’m sure everything will work out, Riv. Maybe you could give Ted a call and-“

“Oh, no”, River cut her off just as calmly. “I’m going to do better than that.”

“Good”, Emily said again. “Wh- “

River threw the door open, a scowl on his handsome features, the cold wind sending his hair flying back.

“In order for me to really get my point across…I’m going to need a bit of help”, River announced, showing his sister the sinister smirk on his face before running out of the house and into his white 2010 Volkswagen Rutan.

“What?!” Emily exclaimed, eyes as big as plates and she worked to get her flip flops that were sitting by the front door on as quick as she could.

“N-N-N-No wait!” she cried, hurrying out the front door quickly, slamming it behind her. “River!”

~~

Back at the Goldberg’s Adam had just reached the top of the stairs from the family’s downstairs area and met Deidra halfway in the living room.

“Hey, Deidra”, Adam greeted his older sister with a wide smile. “Do you wanna play D&D with me? I’ll let you be Dungeon Master.”

Deidra smiled warmly and gave Adam a quick hug.

“Maybe”, she said, “but right now I really need to talk to mom and dad about something important.”

Adam nodded.

“It’s ok”, he said. “I can wait.”

Adam followed his sister into the kitchen where their mother was cooking dinner, Deidra sitting down at the kitchen table.

“Hey my little, Snuggle Monsters!” Beverly greeted the two when she heard them come into the kitchen. “I hope you two are hungry. It’s meatloaf night!”

“Yes!” Deidra sighed, a big smile on her face. “I’m starving!”

Beverly turned from where she was standing at the stove and smiled at her younger daughter.

“I’m glad to hear that, Shmoopy”, she said with a loving smile before she kissed Deidra’s head. “You had me a little worried there for a bit.”

She walked back to the stove, stirring a small pot full of green peas.

“It seems like you really haven’t had much of an appetite these past few days.”

Deidra felt her blood suddenly go cold, nervousness surrounding her as she remembered what she had to tell her parents.

She tried to force the smile back on her face as her mother laughed before adding, “I was actually going to take you to the doctor if- “

“Bevy!” Murray’s voice cried from the living room before walking into the kitchen a moment or so later. “There’s something wrong with the tv!”

“I’ll help you fix it, Dad”, Adam offered, placing his glass of orange juice on the table.

“Um, actually Dad I’m glad you’re in here”, Deidra admitted, getting more nervous by the minute, “because I really need to talk to you and mom about something.”

Murray shrugged before sitting down across from his daughter at the table.

“Might as well”, he sighed. “Looks like I’m not going to get to see the end of Gilligan’s Island tonight.”

“Dad”, Adam said in a nonchalant voice, “they don’t get off the island.”

“Shmoopy”, Beverly said as she turned the stove down and walked over to the table, sitting down beside her husband, concern lacing her voice. “What’s the matter?”

Deidra sighed, playing with her hands in her lap before noticing that Adam was still in the room.

“Adam, can I talk to mom and dad alone?” she asked. “Please?”

Adam nodded before downing the rest of his juice.

“Okay?” he replied, confusion filling his own voice. “Umm I’ll go look at the tv, Dad.”

With that he left the room.

“Alright”, Murray said once Adam had left. “What’s going on?”

Deidra looked down at her hands again, afraid to look back up at her parents.

“This is so hard to say”, she admitted quietly, “but I have to.”

“Deidra?” Beverly asked, getting more concerned by the minute.

~~

In the living room, Adam was trying to figure out what was going on with the tv when the front door opened, Barry and his girlfriend Lainey walking in arm-in-arm.

“Hey”, Barry greeted Adam. “Where is everyone?”

“In the kitchen”, Adam replied, turning to look at his brother. “Deidra wanted to talk to Mom and Dad alone.”

A mixture of confusion and concern came over Barry as he quietly pressed his ear against the closed kitchen door.

“Barry”, Lainey quietly scolded her boyfriend. “You shouldn’t spy on them!”

“Why didn’t I think of this?” Adam asked just as quietly as he pressed his own ear to the door.

“Because you’re not as smart as me, dork”, Barry replied with a prideful smile.

Lainey frowned and shook her head.

~~

“What’s going on, Dee?” Beverly asked from where she sat at the kitchen table.

Tears filled Deidra’s eyes as she looked up at her parents’ faces.

“I’m pregnant”, she told them before breaking down in tears, covering her face with her hands.

“WHAT?!” Murray, Barry, and Adam cried in shocked unison.

Beverly’s only response was her eyes growing as big as plates, covering her mouth with both hands, her eyes slowly filling with tears of her own.

Deidra put her head down on the table and started crying.

“Y-You can’t be”, Beverly gasped, not know what to feel at that moment.

“I am”, Deidra insisted, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

Murray was suddenly like a ticking time bomb, getting ready to explode, his face getting redder and redder and his breathing getting heavier and heavier.

“WHAT KIND OF DUMB ARE YOU?!” Murray finally exclaimed, his voice filled with anger as he jumped up on his feet, knocking his chair over in the process.

“Murray, calm down”, Beverly told her husband calmly, gripping his arm.

Before Murray could respond, the kitchen door opened, and a still shocked Barry walked in.

“D-Did I hear that right?” he asked.

“Bear-“Deidra began only to be cut off by her twin.

“Are…you…pregnant?” Barry basically growled, anger welling up inside him as well.

Deidra only nodded her head yes before looking down at her hands again.

“Okay”, Barry said while nodding his head, his voice full of determination. “Okay…I’m killing him.”

“Barry don’t!” Deidra begged, tears falling down her face.

“We don’t even know for sure yet”, Beverly pointed out. “It could have been a fake positive.”

“12 false positives?” Deidra asked in a quiet voice.

“What?!” Murray and Barry cried again in perfect unison before Murray sank down in his chair, rubbing his temples.

“That bastard!” Barry growled.

Beverly reached out and gave Deidra’s hand a gentle squeeze, Lainey and Adam walking in the kitchen.

“I’ll make you a doctor’s appointment for first thing in the morning”, she told Deidra.

“And if you’re really pregnant”, Murray added, fire in his eyes, “you’re out of here!”

“What?!” Deidra cried.

“You heard me!” Murray yelled back. “I won’t have a little whore living under my roof!”

Everyone in the room gasped at that, Deidra feeling her heart shatter.

“Murray!” Beverly cried as Deidra sobbed uncontrollably in Barry’s arms, her older brother stroking her back and kissing her head.

Before anyone else could say anything, the doorbell rang, Adam hurrying to answer it.

There on the Goldberg’s front porch stood River with Emily a couple steps behind him, his arms down to his sides and still clutching the baseball bat in his hand.

“I guess you guys know now too, huh?” Emily asked, seeing everyone walk out into the living room, Deidra’s eyes still filled with tears.

Murray nodded and grinned at the bat in River’s hand.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Mr. Goldberg?” River asked with a deviant smile.

The older man grinned and nodded his head.

“Indeed, I am, River”, the older man replied. “I really am.”

“Okay, now let’s just stop for a moment and take a deep breath”, Beverly said as she stepped in front of the two.  “Let’s try talking this out like adults.”

“Talk about what?” Murray demanded. “How some dumbass, good-for-nothing teenage boy got my daughter pregnant?!”

“Oh, so now I’m your daughter?” Deidra snapped. “I thought I was just a little whore on the street to you!”

At this, River and Emily’s jaws dropped as well.

“You watch how you talk to me, young lady!” Murray commanded. “Or I’ll throw your ass out right now!”

Lainey gently took Barry’s arm.

“C’mon”, she said softly. “Let’s go get a snack.”

Reluctantly, Barry followed his girlfriend into the kitchen, Adam not too far behind.

~~

“That bastard’s gonna get it!” Barry growled, slamming his fist into his other hand before sitting down at the kitchen table with Adam.

“Barry”, Lainey said as she opened the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk, “like your sister said please don’t.”

“That little bastard got my sister…my twin sister pregnant, Babe!” Barry exclaimed. “He needs his ass beat!”

“No, you don’t need to do that”, Lainey said as she placed a glass of milk in front of Adam and Barry before setting down a plate of chocolate chip cookies in the middle of the table.

She then sat down at the table with her own cup of milk. “You could go to jail.”

“Then I’m going to”, Adam spoke up.

“You’re eleven and he’s seventeen”, Barry replied. “You can’t do a damn thing, Adam.”

“Shut up, Barry”, Adam snapped back. “I will for either one of my sisters!”

“Neither one of you is killing him!” Lainey spoke up. “Look that unborn child needs a father and if you kill him Barry, then that baby doesn’t get one.”

Barry looked down at the plate of cookies before taking a deep breath.

“You’re right, Babe”, he quietly admitted. “I know you’re right.”

“Of course I am”, Lainey replied with a smirk, giving Barry a hug. “Aren’t I always?”

She smiled and kissed his lips as Emily and River walked in the kitchen.

“Ahhh, man!” River cried. “One pregnant teen around here is more than enough!”

Emily and Adam laughed as Barry and Lainey broke apart, River giving them a smile.

“Just messing with you, Barry”, River said, giving him a light hit on the arm.

“Yeah Bear”, Lainey added. “Just be there for your sister. That’s what she really needs right now.”

“Yeah”, Emily said, stealing a cookie off Barry’s plate. “Especially since Ted denied he was the baby’s dad.”

Lainey slowly closed her eyes, facepalming herself as she realized that speech she made to Barry and Adam had been all for naught.

“WHAT?!” River, Barry, and Adam yelled in unison, causing Deidra, Emily, Beverly, and Murray to run into the kitchen.

“What happened?” Beverly demanded. “What’s wrong?”

“Emily just informed us that Ted denies he’s the father of Deidra’s baby”, Adam explained.

Deidra covered her face in her hands, tears pouring down her face again as the events of what happened earlier came back to mind.

Beverly gently pulled her teenage daughter in a loving embrace, holding her close.

Barry and River exchanged looks of anger before River nodded his head, resulting in Barry walking over to one of the kitchen drawers…and taking out a large knife.

“Let’s roll!” Barry snapped, everything Lainey had told him before going right out the window.

“I’m in”, River replied, following Barry out the front door.

“Me too”, Adam chimed in, grabbing his camera from the living room dresser and following the boys outside.

“I’ll drive”, Murray said, grabbing his keys off the coffee table in the living room.

“H-h-hey wait a minute!” Emily cried, hurrying to catch up with the guys. “Hang on a second guys. Let’s think about this…”

And with that, the front door shut, leaving Deidra sobbing in Beverly’s arms, Lainey softly rubbing her back.

“Dee, you really need to calm down”, Lainey advised her boyfriend’s sister softly. “This really isn’t good for you or the baby…i-if you are pregnant”, she added after a short pause.

“Lainey’s right, Shmoo”, Beverly added, kissing Deidra’s head again before pulling apart slightly. “Come over here to the couch and try to relax.”

“Y-You mean…y-you’re not mad at me?” Deidra asked Beverly.

Deidra’s mother gave her a small smile and lightly shook her head no.

“Not mad”, she replied. “Just a little disappointed.”

Deidra started taking slow, deep, shaky breaths, feeling her heart rate decrease some.

“Here, Dee”, Laniey said softly coming back from the kitchen a moment later and handing her a cup of water.

“Thanks, Lainey”, Deidra said softly, giving her a small smile before drinking a little.

Taglist:

@shhh-no-ones-home @celestiaelisia @derangedcupcake @lindszeppelin @ohportgas @loganharpervo

[confused-bi-nerd]

Ok so it's like 2 in the morning but you know what I'm f*cking desperate for?

Modern day Anne with an E

I mean obviously the original historical context is just f*cking awesome.

But picture Anne being an incredible badass feminist bi icon. (Does she have a youtube channel? Who knows???? That'd be cool...)

Her new family, two pretty "traditionally" raised siblings at first have a hard time with her and her identity and intensity about everything. (When dont they though right)

She doesn't even have to be a "mistake." Nowadays with cellphones and stuff a confusion like that would be impossible. But maybe she just ran away because the orphanage was abusive af and kept sending her to sh*tty homes.

And honestly if Matthew doesn't have asperger/autism/down but it went ignored cause "we just don't talk about it" but Anne came and was like "that's f*cked up were getting you diagnosed and treated Matthew dammit" then what even is the point.

Diana being raised in a really harsh and severe family so she's afraid her mom will find out about her best friend being, well, her. (No, they are not dating, they're BFFs as originally just that Diana's mom sucks even more in the actual timeline.)

Honestly I just LOVE Anne and Diana's friendship. Like they've literally known each other for one day and they already have this deep bond, they truly are kindred spirits. I think Diana wouldn't even have a hard time accepting Anne; she would just be relieved she could finally explore herself. (Ace-Di-ana-Ace-Di-ana)

Cole (yes, Cole, book and series mixture S u C k I t) being openly gay and spending a lot of his time just laying low at Anne's because his parents also s u c k. (Uhhh maybe then he just realises he doesn't HAVE TO go back to his sh*tty parents and moves with aunt Jo, the Eccentric City Lesbian tm) (And also honestly let's say f*ck it and go all out: Cole with eyeliner)

Man they'd probably sneak around a lot talking about all this "forbidden stuff". Cole would join them whenever they were at Anne's (most of the time anyways) because Diana's mom knows his mom and there's no way in hell he'd risk crossing her way.

Mr IDKwhat (that teacher dating a student) being an ACTUAL pedophile and it being f*cking reported and shut down. (Yes I realize this was era appropriate but SURPRISE, stuff changed)

OMG GUYS MISS STACY

I could make a whole post about miss Stacy alone but lets just go with badass lesbian teacher who actively fights the school and the parents, takes bs from no one and basically adopts all of her students in need.

Also let's be honest, the Barrys would probably be this really wealthy family with a bigass house in the suburbs and they'd all own IPhones or some sh*t and the Cuthberts would be this regular middle class family with an inherited little house in a not-so-awesome-but-still-pretty-nice neighbourhood; so Diana's mom already isn't a big fan of Anne because a) "she's a freaking street orphan for God's sake" and b) "her ClAsS isn't exactly the SaMe as ours Diana dEaR". So imagine if she found out her _perfect older daughter's_ two best friend are queer icons one of them being "a BoY wHo WeArS mAkEuP" *scandalized old British lady accent*

And I can totally picture Anne with this really weird pet, like a mouse or a small bird or one of those extrangely small cats that you can carry in your pocket and her talking to it and it really looks like a conversation to outsiders. (Because it is, they're discussing the latest episode of a show or planning a prank on Cole's stupid homophobic mom)

Let's be honest, Anne would be the BIGGEST fan of Rent. I'm talking memorizing both songs AND dialogue and having a thousand fan theories she'd be able to defend against rain and wind. (This one was originally drafted during my Rent phase, geez it is a great musical though)

OMG GUYS JERRY AND DIANA. I'm talking Jerry being an old friend of Anne's (Orphanage? Foster home? The streets? We'll see...) and him falling HARD for Diana. (Not the same plot as the series though, I know it wouldn't have been possible back then but they'd totally stay together in MY self indulgent AU of everything. Still would exist the class issues and the Anne-Diana fight about it, bonus point if Jerry ends up Latino cause I want more representation man)

Maybe this part being on them more advanced on their life (Maybe the whole thing could be more advanced? Like directly starting with them at 16 or stg??? Cause like they are all sounding way too independent for twelve year olds) so Cole already moved to an apartment in the city near aunt Jo but all in all being independent and pushing through despite his terrible TERRIBLE parenting. And like both Anne AND Diana going to him with their class issues fight (Is Cole Latino/African American? I'd like that.... Let's say so it's my 2:40 am fantasy after all) and him being all surprised because a) He was most definitely NOT expecting them b) This two never fight about anything and c) Diana and Jerry? Geez how long was he away?

And I would legitimate M u R d E r someone for their yelling match across Cole's apartment being interrupted by like a male voice asking "Cole where is X thing?" And Anne and Diana like "I thought you'd been living alone this two years (two years, let's say so my brain is shutting down) since leaving aunt Jo's" and Cole being like "you've also missed a lot" And essentially that's how they meet Cole's boyfriend who doesn't understand a thing but rolls with it because he finally gets to meet famous Avonlea friends (the neighbourhood should be called Avonlea or among those line at least)

Anne and Gilbert WILL end up together cause I honestly think they're meant to be they just compliment each other but like maybe while fighting her totally obvious inner crush she'd date a few people, some girls, some boys, just casually bi-ing by but like settling but still being bi cause that's just real bi people

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[thecloserkin]

book review: Mira Grant, Deadline (2011)

Genre: Sci-Fi

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: how is it possible that the book where one half of OTP is dead is shippier than the first one where they’re both alive

Book 2 of the Newsflash trilogy picks up with our boy Shaun, who’s turned desk jockey since he lost George, riding to the rescue of some buddies beset by a zombie swarm. Everyone makes it out alive and Shaun tries to play it like it’s no biggie but the truth is,

I’ve lost one of the integral traits of a good Irwin: I’m not having fun. When I wind up in the field, it’s a chore to be survived, not an adventure to be relished. Without that little spark of gosh-golly-wow to drive me on, I’m essentially a dead person walking … George is the one who stopped breathing, but I’m the one who gave up on living.

Without George he has nothing to live for and so he’s sensibly withdrawn from fieldwork. The one thing that keeps him going is George’s voice in his head, chiding him for (among other things) picking up a coffee instead of a can of Coke. He’s started drinking Coke to appease her. He says it himself: “I am a haunted house pretending to be a man.” As for whether she’s real or just a figment of his imagination, this is Shaun’s take:

Screw sane. I don’t want anything that makes her stop talking to me.

Buckle up for an angst rollercoaster, kids:

One apartment for me and George, who didn’t take up any physical space but was so much a part of every room that sometimes I could fool myself into thinking she had just stepped out for some fresh air.

Several people have said it doesn’t really feel like anybody lives there, and what they don’t seem to understand is I like it that way. As long as I’m not really living there, I never have to think about the fact that I’m living there alone.

Outwardly he’s functional i guess but this is not the behavior of a person who has Moved On.

Sometimes I think this series is a how-to manual for small business owners masquerading as science fiction. For Shaun and George, the work used to be everything. Now George is gone Shaun is in the unenviable position of having to make all the tough calls, and second-guessing every last one because maybe George would have done it better. Oy vey. Offhand he informs us that their parents are also suing Shaun for ownership of her intellectual property. I always knew they were vultures but seriously???

So Shaun’s raison d’être right now is to bring down the person or people who murdered George. Obviously this does not mean the ones who pulled the trigger, it means the ones who gave the order & plotted to remove her. In the process of doing this he uncovers an even bigger conspiracy—although maybe it’s merely the same conspiracy from Book 1, only expanded in scope. I’m not sure. What I’m mainly interested in is how bad absolutely clueless Shaun is at signaling or perceiving romantic interest. Like, there’s a co-worker/employee of his, and they’re thrown together rather a lot, and she’s clearly crushing on him hard only Shaun’s too dense to see it. After the whole affair ends disastrously (he sleeps with the poor girl then calls her by George’s name) he ruminates:

”Why would I know what the signs were? I never had to read them before.”

It’s obvious why Shaun, a not-unattractive grown ass man whose other social skills appear to fall well within the range of “normal,” has such atrophied skills when it comes to this one thing. He’s never had to use them. Here’s Maggie the relationship guru:

”Have you ever had a girlfriend?” “Not as such, no.” ”Have you ever been in love?” There’s never been a good answer to that question. I didn’t even try. I just shrugged.

I can’t find the tweet anymore but Seanan Maguire has confirmed that Shaun and George first got together the night after junior prom—they went with other people as a sort of experiment. (@JKRowling see, this is the sort of authorial headcanon that the fans actually clamor for.) The two of them just skipped right over the tentative fumbling awkward initial stages of dating, of getting to know each other, because they already know each other inside out. Shaun says:

Sometimes I’m even arrogant enough to think the Rising happened so we could be together.

Colloquially we use the term two people “being together” to mean they enter into an exclusive romantic relationship. But it’s intentionally ambiguous here whether he means that, or just the two of them finding each other, because what would have been the chances of their being raised together absent a global catastrophe like a zombie apocalypse. Shaun finds it impossible to separate the romantic aspect of their relationship from the familial bond, and that’s why I love incest thanks for coming to my ted talk. Oh, here’s Mahir the relationship guru:

”I mean, I didn’t know…” “What, that I loved your sister? Of course you didn’t, just like you had no idea Rebecca fancied you. You never had to go searching like the rest of us.”

Can I just say, on an unrelated note, I feel SO BAD for Mahir’s wife who’s not even a proper character? She doesn't get any screentime. But this is a small business how-to manual, remember, and the way Shaun is always ringing Mahir at 2 in the morning and Mahir feels obligated to pick up because it’s his boss? Mahir’s wife is a saint, canonize her immediately. Back to my earlier point about how Shaun has less experience with flirting/dating than your average fourteen-year-old:

This sort of thing was easier to handle when George was around. She was always the one who noticed when girls started crushing on me, and she made them go away. One way or another. I’ve never tried to deal with this sort of situation on my own before.

What’s fascinating is that it’s not just romantic entanglements that he’s at a loss to deal with:

I’d never driven any real distance with a passenger—not unless you counted George, who didn’t actually change the way the bike was balanced, or make it necessary for me to compensate for additional weight.

WHEN GEORGE RODE PILLION ON HIS MOTORCYCLE IT DIDN’T EVEN THROW OFF HIS BALANCE!!! He’s not used to having to think about compensating for a passenger’s weight bc with George everything came naturally!!! If this isn’t a metaphor for their entire relationship idk what the hell it is.

She didn’t like touching people, so I touched them for her. She didn’t like emotional displays, so I took up the slack.

She was the yin to his yang, they were a team etc etc. Here is how Shaun reacts when the book’s antagonist gives his Evil Villain Spiel:

”I never gave you much credit for brains, Shaun—that was your sister’s department, God rest her soul, and if she made any errors in judgment, it was in trusting you to watch her back—but I still thought you were smarter than this.” “You take that back,” I whispered.

Shaun couldn’t care less that this fool gives him zero credit in the brains department, but let him impugn George’s judgment even slightly and our boy is ready to throw hands. We stan.

These are my two favorite passages from the book:

George and I shared a lot of rooms exactly like this one, one of us dozing while the other kept working, the staccato click of keys providing the white noise that meant it was safe to sleep.

It’s a work partnership! It’s a sibling bond! It’s a romantic pairing! It’s us-against-the-world, it’s everything! Also this:

George and I used to have shower races. Who could get in and clean and out again in the shortest amount of time. All the guys we went to school with insisted that their girlfriends and sisters took forever in the bathroom, but George always beat me … once a month or so, she’d take over the bathroom for an afternoon to dye her hair back to its original color, which inevitably resulted in her shouting for me to come in and help her dye her roots. The sink on our old bathroom was stained a permanent brown by the time we were sixteen, and we ruined so many towels.

Lol the implied contrast between “other guys who complained about their gfs/sisters” and Shaun who’s been President of the Georgia Mason Fan Club for over two decades.

ANYWAY the twist at the end of this novel is that George is alive. She’s being held at some scary, sterile government facility, and it’s clear from a minor early plot point involving clones that this isn’t George, it’s got to be a George-clone. Because George 1.0 died in Shaun’s arms. But George 2.0 has got all George’s memories so we’re going to go ahead and treat her just like George, which sets us up nicely for alternating Shaun-and-George POVs when we return for the final installment of the “Newsflesh” trilogy.