#thank you so much kat!! love your art so much!! my boy looks so beautiful in your style!!

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

Artfic trade with @nyankocatnyan, this is Kat's part!

So, I'm not an artist, but Kat and I wanted to do a gift exchange, so we bent the common rules a little bit by making an art and fic trade! I wrote a fanfic for Kat, and Kat drew this amazing and beautiful artwork of Finn, one of my favorite Mashle boys, for me! Thank you so so much for the lovely art, and for the wonderful opportunity! I really had a lot of fun doing the artfic trade, I love Kat's art soooo much!

Check out Kat's commission info here!

[oonajaeadira]

Hi Adira!

For this round of daily askgasms I’m asking the Inside the Actors Studio questionnaire! Imagine me doing my best James Lipton impression…

* What is your favorite word?

* What is your least favorite word?

* What turns you on?

* What turns you off?

* What is your favorite curse word?

* What sound or noise do you love?

* What sound or noise do you hate?

* What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

* What profession would you not like to do?

* If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Looking forward to hearing your answers!

Oh Kat, you beauty. Thank you for coming into my inbox and leaving me pressies!!!! Your year of asks is a lot of fun!

My favorite word is clandestine. I actually have a show that leans heavily on it and it never fails to catch the ear.

My least favorite word? Monsieur. I am not fluent in French but I can get by and have not-terrible pronunciation, but I fail at that word every fkn time and it's COMMON.

I'm turned on by a sharp mind and a kind heart. And a hairy chest. Or smooth collarbones. Big hands. Strong arms. A good laugh.

I am not a fan of copycats--dude, just be yourself, not me! And hovering--those folks that stand to the side and wait for you to notice them? Dude, just sit down! Join the convo! You're being more rude by forcing us to acknowledge you and break the flow just to invite you in! And bad hygiene. All I'm asking is that you don't have crust in your ears or in your nails and that you wash your butt. Boys especially need to wash their butt and underballs or I walk.

My favorite curse word is balls. I know it's not really an FCC no-no, but it's what I use most of the time. That and Jesus ass and fkn hell.

I love silence. A nice quiet fall evening? Bliss. But I also love the sound of thunderstorms and crickets in the summer. And a really good meditation chime or a minor-tone windchime. And bagpipes. Bagpipes have good vibrations and induce a drooling trance state.

I'm...a mouth noises person. Mouth noises are the devil. I tolerate it because human bodies have a lot of moisture and it's asking too much not to smack and pop and slurp and swish, but it won't go unnoticed. And I put it in perspective because nothing was as horrid as the thick lapping sound of my last dog licking herself for hours on end. Hence why I started sleeping with earplugs in. Secondly, we have a glass cutting board and the SO is a generous chopper of things and nothing will set off my tinnitus faster than the harsh, repetitive clap of steel on glass.

If I had to swap professions...I'd love to go into art curation. Or theologian. I kind of wish I'd become a librarian. Or just straight up read tarot for a living. I started college as a biology major with a path toward becoming a vet. I'm glad I didn't do that, but if I had, I would have liked being a death doula for pets. I find that honorable and compassionate. I've been thinking about volunteering in hospice for a while now, so maybe someday I'll do that.

There are a million jobs I would never enjoy and they all have to do with money, finances, sports, food processing, cleaning, and the beauty industry.

Heaven has always sounded like a giant bore to me. But an afterlife where all the cool gods hang out? Yes. The thing I'd want most is a look of approval from Anubis. If I die and Anubis is there weighing my heart, all I need is to see that look in his eye that says, "Good job. I'm so proud of you. Welcome home."

Thank you for such interesting asks, friend!!!! <3

[luluwiie]

My writers academia

My readings full masterlist

Or: just Lulu-stan praising her fav writers (❤ = My dearest ones) + Masterlist links + my very fav work from them ❤ The "ranking" logic goes crescendo, from growing writers to the "greatest" and most experienced ones, aka my favs ♥!

✏ Aspiring - Promising pencils ~

Aspiring heroes - Some writers I recently discovered or who just started creating some really great works. Show them some love, they deserve it !

@matts-writing - How you got together -

@thesweetestkimberry - Mlist - Chocolate

@daenqyu - Masterlist - Promise me

@veenxys - Masterlist - Todoroki & Bakugo falling for you - Mel is honestly such an adorable person, and a really funny one too ! I just love her Hcs, and the way she mixes humor with angst in her stuff. Honestly, I'm a fan :')

@shinsorokiri - Masterlist - Losing memory - Their hcs are just soooo deeply touching my heart. I wish I could read more ! Good angst content 😳

@bkgmaid - Masterlist - Shinso falling in love - New Tumblr I just discovered an fell in love with ! The slow burn process depicted there are.the.best ❤ Love the way growing feelings are depicted ! Touches my soul ❤

@yaomomvs - Masterlist - Ten duel commandments - I just love this girl's writings. I dunno what to say I JUST WANT MOOORE FIZNEKC (Shouto lover High five)

@atsumiyass - Masterlist - Simphony - Mars and Venus are new in BnHA fandom but are just So. Talented. I just love their writings. Simple yet very touching. Just go check their art ♡

@shotos-noodles - Masterlist - If we tried - There are definitely some sweet poetical vibes in this adorable person writings. Cue some adorable Shoto moments and I'm melting. I just love this cutie works ❤

🖋 Pro writers - plumes ~

Pro heroes - Some more or less famous yet very talented and experienced writers, whose works are undeniably qualitative.

@sam-writs- Masterlist - Candles - I want to read more touching poetry like this ! ♡

@tsuhika - Masterlist - Saturdays are for the boys -

@fruggykitty - Masterlist - Trying to confess - BEST TAMAKI CONTENT. LUV IT.

@lovers-liability - Masterlist - I keep my promises - FF + The Beauty of it all - Ongoing FF - Lu' is such an adorable person and an incredibly gifted writer. She really has a thing with words; her own special way of depicting emotions and mental / physical states. She writes some of the deepest angst drabbles I've ever read, like you can feel the intense emotions she depicted. And considering her FF prologue, I can tell you she's as good in Fluff ! She deserves SO much love, recognition an fame for her art. I just can't wait to read more of her works! In two words, I highly recommend her Tumblr and whole great person ❤

@duskjelly - Masterlist - Lovestruck - This adorable jelly has such a good appreciation of BnHA characters. Every single thing I read there was full of small yet very significant details that make their work unique. I just love falling in their lovely / lively hcs !

@lovely-angst - Masterlist - This whole account is just what I ADORE reading on Tumblr. Intertwined Angst + Fluff moments. LOVE-IT.

🖌 Top 10 artists - brushes ~

Top heroes- The very best writers I know so far. I absolutely worship their works. Their art never fail giving me chills and emotions. I highly recommend ♥

@katimagines - Masterlist - Kat is just the author responsible for my BnHA fandom adoration. Her works made me fall in the fandom, and for that I'll be eternally gratefull !

@songbirdsingingthings - Masterlist - Ice Skating + Polka-dotted Bandages - This writer is honestly underrated, she deserves SO MUCH love and fame. I just love the way she writes for my fav characters (aka Shoto, for BnHa). I'm just in love with her writings and details, that's all ❤

@izukulus - Navigation - Do you want some tea ? - There is something in Izukulus writings. A mix between psychological writings and pure fluff / soft moments. I just love their sweet writing. ❤

@meliorist-midoriya - Navi- the meaning of “i love you” + sing me to sleep - Kelley's whole masterlist was in my reading list since quite some weeks now... And I recently literally FELL in her whole ART. 'Cause honestly, it's about art (and a lot of emotions, too). First, just look at her tumblr theme ? It screams ART. Then read her psychological works ? it screams FEELS, EFHGRGIH I just love how she writes, I discovered this way too late and now that I've fallen for this, I'll never stop supporting her and reading her work è.é LUV

@blkladyelle - Masterlist - Unforgettable -Ongoing FF - One of my very favorite Dabi / Hawks fanfic. Honestly, with Midnight, these are the two Fanfics who made me fall in Dabi and Hawks works. I'm just in love with these two Fanfics. Just read it, it worths the journey! ❤

@elysianseraph - Masterlist - How they say I love you / Arrythmia - Poetry. Just emotional poetry. Nothing more to say, these works are often masterpieces. Deserves fame!

@oikawaplssteponme - Masterlist - 7 signs you're in love - I only discovered this Tumblr recently, yet I'm already sooo deeply invested in it. Willow is just the cutest person on earth. She deserves all the support and love ♥ The little Fanfiction with Todoroki learning what love is.. is just a blessing for our feels. Honestly, it's so well written, so sweet, so full of good vibes, I just love it 💕❤ -

@thelawofmixingcolors - Princess and Hero + Midnight - Ongoing FF - ❤ Realllly one of my top favs. A really sweet person and an amazing author. Their work never fails moving me, they do really have a gift for writing. I highly recommend ❤❤

* ******************** *** ******************* *

Wherever you're on this crescendo list, regardless of the number of followers and interactions of your tumblr, it doesn't matter : just know that your art helps people. I'll quote @melloyellobeth post, 'cause it encapsulates my thoughts and feelings about Fandom writings :

“There will always be someone who enjoys your writing [and I’m one of them]. Remember that every like, reblog, and comment is one person who enjoyed what you wrote and i can assure you they (and I) want more! and remember, not everyone remembers to leave evidence that they liked your writing or they might just be too nervous to interact with you. invisible fans exist, and you’ve got them.

Going along with that last one, your writing has the potential to help others! you could write about a minority, or maybe you could publish a little something comforting at the exact time someone else needs it. ”

This is what your writings gave me. Comfort. Feels. A perfect exit from reality / anxiety / any bad moment in my life. Honestly, I would never have thought I’d become addict to the whole fandom’ universe, and yet here I am, unable to sleep correctly if I didn’t have my bed-time FF reading.

To put it shortly : your writings move, comfort, help, bring bliss, feels and amazing moments to people. So thank you for that. Thank you for everything. ♥

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

thank you to the patrons! fleurdelis, lukeperiodsun, @heraldinthedark, hadbabits, kellie, natascha, kirbx14, and @technophage!

also kirby’s [pride preparations] seemed to be pretty popular!

it’s a long one this time!

on [road trip]:

@littlemousejelly said: oh the universal Displaced Smol Feeling. doesn't matter how tall you are you look at a menu like this. doesn't matter how old you are being on a roadtrip means you feel like you're nowhere and everywhere and that's OKAY

@thebreakfastgod said: in 8th grade i went on a roadtrip in the week long break for Thanksgiving. on Thursday we were driving home but didnt make it back until Friday, so that Thursday we had Thanksgiving at McDonalds somewhere out in Kansas. we had actual thanksgiving the next day with my brother. this drawing is so cute n it reminded me of this :)

@nikuknight said: so cute!! and yeah this experience is universal I think ^^ relatable

@indigowallbreaker said: this was me last Sunday, what a feeling

@sortofabetaiguess said: this is probably what i’m gonna be like. actually if my queue works this is probably what i /am/ like. #not twilight

oh I didn’t expect to get road trip stories out of this post but it’s wonderful that I did, I’m glad so many of you can relate XD (also I had to keep the “#not twilight” tag because there’s just something delightful about my kirby making it to a twilight blog.)

on [sandwiches]:

@salted15 said: ohmygoodness !!!!! them hamds !!!!! they full !!!!!!! blessed

@orion-flux said: TWO GRILLED CHEEZUMS!?

two of them!!! (also I love that two different people tagged the same friend in this drawing, that’s so cute :’> )

on [mirror]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH CUTE, I THINK THEY BOTH LOOK NICE! i'm Love mirror kirmby very much they are as much shaped as a friemd as right side gorb kirby

oh he is definitely equally friend shaped! he’s just not quite as round lol

@macro-microcosm​ said: the duality of man

man vs self

on [game night]:

@lavendarjevil said: girls night

pedicures! talkin about boys! pillow fight!

@poltergeist-draws-probably​ said: me and the besties on a tuesday afternoon

heck yeah dude that is exactly the vibe I was going for

@littlemousejelly​ said: oh this is precious oh my godddd LOOK AT THE LIL KIRBOS WATCHING AS GREENBY DOES THE VIDDY GAME FOCUSING SO HARD AND DOING A REALLY BIG WIN, PINKBY IS JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE! blueby is asleep shhh... GRAYBY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GREENBY IS DOING BUT THEY'RE IN AWE CUTE CUTE CUTE

using the color names like that is so cute :0 I just love the excitement in these tags it feels so nice ;u;

@toastycharmander​ said: 🥺 imma be honest i wish i could sit with friends and watch them play video games like this, just seems so nice. i’d probably end up as the blue kirby at some point tho

man, same. someday we will all get to sit with our friends again and/or make good friends to sit with.

on [incognito]:

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: the brows remind me of the cinnamon toast crunch meme. either way, adorable until proven innocent and even then still adorable. yes im aware of what the last tag says. its the law duh

the crime he was wanted for was being adorable! there is no escaping that! (also I don’t think I’d seen that meme before, drawing angry eyebrows on things is just almost always funny huh)

on [hat]:

@dragonsandmollusks​ said: baseball hats or whatever this type of hat is called are way too hard to draw

ugh, they really are. especially in lineless art! (altho the person who said they’re putting this one in the art ref folder is funny XD )

on [small]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH TEENY!!!!! HELLO YOU ARE VERY SMALL!! OR VERY FAR AWAY!! OR BOTH!! I LOVE YOU!!!! littol teeny kirby are you cold?? are you rubbing your lil hands together because you have a chill?? WAIT I ZOOMED IN AND YOU ARE POUTING! AHHHHHH CUTIE I KISS YOUR LIL PIMK HEAD AND PATPAT! i hope you feel better soon!!!

a true journey :’>

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: hi kirbo! why you so far away? did he have a snack? i see that lil cheek curve. he holding his hands or arm nubs so cute like an innocent lil guy so cute. is he innocent tho? not gonna get into tjat discourse cuz the end result is that he's always adorable!! Thank you kirby!

I like this interpretation too! just trying to play innocent after stealing a snack. :>

there was a lot on [pride prep]:

@lammiies said: Kirby supports Gay Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

@macro-microcosm said: BEST MOST SUPPORTIVE BOI happy pride 🌈

@rainbowmilk1996 said: Kirby is a good lad. That, and he probably likes all the colors

@neurokinetics said: my sweet gay child

you are all correct! kirby is gay, kirby supports gays (and the whole lgbtqia+ community! all of us!), and kirby thinks all the pretty pride flag colors are very neat. :>

@drummajor-isyourbandready said: this is the only pride post I'll reblog probably. look at this fella

ohh a high honor! thank you :> (although of course if you find other stuff also worth sharing that’s a good thing too!)

@kiwi-lynx said: Ok, I’m obsessed with your drawings THEY ARE JUST SO CUTE 🥰🏳️‍🌈

@pizza-equals-poetry said: op this is beautiful

awwh thank you both so much!

also @your-local-neighbourhood-kat tagged me in this [very cursed image] by a deactivated blog which, thanks I hate it XD

[seasonsofeverlark]

Pumpkin Duck

Author: @mega-aulover​

Prompt: How about Katniss taking Peeta to the forest during the fall for the first time to see all of the fall colors. [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: K

Author’s note: Special thanks to @jroseley​ for beta-ing. :)

____________ 

“You smell like a snickerdoodle Sweetheart?”

Katniss slammed the door of Haymitch’s man cave and sat down. She narrowed her eyes at her mentor. She was beginning to hate anything fall flavored related, including cinnamon.  Most of all she grew a distinct dislike of pumpkin.

“Peeta’s still baking up a storm.”

“He claims he’s experimenting with recipes for the bakery,” she huffed. “But the thing is he’s making stuff that isn’t sold at the bakery.”

Haymitch handed her a beer. “So what has the boy done that has you spittin nails?”

She twisted the bottle cap angrily. “This morning he said he was going to create a pumpkin flavored  macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese shouldn’t be pumpkin flavored. For that matter pumpkins don’t have a flavor like tomatoes, apples, or broccoli.”

Haymitch lifted an eyebrow. “Broccoli?”

“Yes broccoli,” Katniss said, putting the bottle down.

“Sweetheart, have you seen my house, I have orange coming out of my ears. I found Effie changing out my tidy-whities for oranges ones with squirrels sitting on piles of leaves. It’s not even fall yet.” 

Katniss hung her head. “Why don’t we make a run for it?”

Haymitch chuckled, “Effie’s got a tracker in me she’ll find me.”

Katniss laughed. Effie always seemed to show up wherever Haymitch hid.

“Fall’s like a week away Haymitch but he’s been driving me bananas.” Peeta yesterday dragged out his wok to make fried rice with pumpkins. She shuttered.  “How do you do it?”

“We find them appealing, they put up with our crap.” 

Katniss grimaced.

“No you don’t have the right to make that face. You and I both know Effie puts up with my geese and the boy puts up with muddy footprints all over the floor. Besides we are nuts about them.”

Her shoulders drooped, she did love Peeta. “He is cute when he wakes up in the morning  with his wavy hair all askew.”  

Haymitch grinned, he handed her half of his ham and cheese sandwich.

Having the normal food calmed her down.  “He says he wants to be ready for fall.”

“Why don’t you do something for him?”

“Like what?”

“You like the woods right?”

Katniss frowned she wasn’t following. “Yeah.”

“His favorite time of year is the fall, and next week the fall starts.” 

“Oh take him to the woods so he can see the real deal.” She had taken Peeta to the lake during the summer but never when the leaves were changing. Finishing up the sandwich she bounded out of the door. “Thanks Haymitch.”

“Don’t mention it,” Haymitch muttered. 

Katniss walked by Effie who today was dressed in a bright orange jumpsuit with a hat that looked like a pile of leaves. She shook her head but managed a smile at her former escort. “Hi Effie.”

“Oh, hello Katniss, is Haymitch still cooped up in there?”

“Sure is, the game’s nearly finished,” Katniss paused and then turned to her former Escort. Haymitch needed a break and she needed help. “Effie how quickly do you think I can get camping equipment?”

“Why?” Effie turned around. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well Haymitch gave me a great idea. I know how much Peeta loves the fall, so I thought I would take him camping up in the mountains. The leaves change colors in the mountains quicker because it’s cooler.”

“OH,” Effie gasped. Her lashes with miniature fall leaves batted quickly as her eyes became brighter. “What a darling idea? What exactly do you need?”

“Well,” Katniss said, linking her arm with Effie. “First off I need camping clothing, and I need a large enough tent.”

“Ooohhh, I know some people who can help.”

Katniss grinned. “I also need this to be a surprise. You know I cannot lie to Peeta.” Now if she could only survive the couple of days of pumpkin wreaking havoc in her life.

“That is the utter truth.” Effie said. 

The next day when Peeta returned to the bakery Katniss and Effie got to work. Katniss  had to make sure the path was still there. Around here the leaves were still green, but high up in the mountains the air was colder and the leaves changed color quicker.

Her father had taken her there once. She was a small child but she’d been past the trail a dozen times when she hunted in the woods with Gale but she’d never explored. After the war when Peeta came back she took a walk. She discovered the trail and everyday she cleared it little by little until she made it to the peak of the mountain. It took three days and Peeta was scared out of his mind when she came back. He kissed her hard, yelled at her, and kissed her again. Her toes curled in her old boots at the memory of that passionate kiss.

“Look Effie,” Katniss shouted excited to find the trail. When she found the trail she was overjoyed. 

“Oh dear this will not do,” Effie tsked. “We need someone to make a clear path, Peeta will not be able to get through there easily. I know who to call.” 

Katniss wasn’t sure about the gleam in Effie’s eyes. But true enough within a day Effie had Thom and a crew working around the clock to clear a path up to the mountain that would be even enough for Peeta to make his way up the mountain. 

A few days later she was in the mudroom looking bewildered at all of the packages Effe had brought over. There were boxes dozens of them of every size and shape. Katniss wasn’t sure how she was going to keep this from Peeta. He knew she was frugal and she just didn’t buy anything. 

“Katniss,” Peeta said, popping his head in her mudroom.

Katniss looked up, surprised that Peeta had come home early.

“What is all of this?”

“Nothing,” Katniss said, hiding the orange plaid shirt behind her back. Horrified she watched Peeta pick up a box.  

“Looks like Effie is trying to hide purchases from Haymitch.”

Katniss glanced down at the nearest box and indeed Effie’s name was on the shipping label of the boxes. “Erm…yeah,” Katniss nodded, she fought to keep her embarrassment from showing up on her face. “What are you doing home so early?”

“Well I wanted to make some ravioli, for dinner.”

Katniss eyes lit up at the thought of the fluffy pasta filled with oozing cheese or ground meat.”

“Yeah I got an idea for pumpkin flavored raviolis. I got the ingredients at the grocers,” he began walking away. “..they had these beautiful pumpkins.”

Her smile turned into a frown. “Great more freaking pumpkins,” she muttered under her breath.

The day before the great adventure Katniss sat outside with Haymitch.

“Effie is…” Katniss said to Haymitch a few days before.

“Determined?”

“Like a general in the rebellion,” Katniss said leaning up against the porch watching Peeta and Effie talk about the upcoming fall festival.

“You all set for tomorrow?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said about Effie?”

“I’m not talking about the trek, I’m talking about the…”

Katniss looked away…she looked at her beer. She drank it savoring the brew. “Yeah.”

“You, ready for this?” Haymitch leveled a look at her.

Katniss glanced toward Peeta, “I love him, even with his pumpkin obsession.”

“Good, that’s all that matters.”  

The next morning all went awry. A huge storm pulled into the  mountains and a deluge flooded the roads. They were stuck inside. Katniss sat by the window looking at the rain fall. 

“Katniss what's wrong?”

Katniss turned around biting her bottom lip. She wanted to cry but instead she squared her shoulders. “Today is the first day of fall but.”

“Yeah I know it’s the autumnal equinox.”

Jutting her chin out with determination she said, “We’re making fall.” 

“What?”

Determined, she went to his art supplies and said, “We’re making the fall indoors.”

“Kat?” 

“Get your paint box Peeta,” Katniss said, marching upstairs to an empty room. They were going to have to do this backwards. 

Peeta had his paints. “Okay are you going to tell me what this is about?”

“We’re going to make a mural Peeta. Big beautiful trees, one for each season.”

“Okay,” he looked around.

The words tumbled out of her lips,  “I had this entire weekend planned we were going to go up into the mountains.  We were going to eat fresh game and wonder at the colors of the fall. Then I was going to give you this.” Katniss took a small envelope and pressed it into his hands. 

Peeta frowned. He opened the envelope and took out the card. She watched his lips move as he read what she’d written. Katniss delighted in watching the way Peeta’s eyes lit up bigger than the bonfire she planned cooking their meals on. “You wanna try?”

Katniss nodded. 

“Real or not real, you wanna try to have a baby with me?”

“Real,” she whispered.

“Real,” Peeta uttered. Tears fell down his face.

“Yes,” Katniss pointed toward the room. “Wouldn’t this room make an amazing nursery?”

Peeta grasped her by the middle and swung her around. Katniss laughed. He put her down and then said, as he gathered his painting gear.  “I’m going to make us something special,  butternut squash soup, oh and some pumpkin bread…to go with pumpkin spiced duck.” 

Katniss scowled; she loved Peeta but she still hated the pumpkin. 

[sixsclassic]

It’s Lovely: Part 2

Some more Parrward fluff with Baby Mae. I recommend listening to You Mean the World to Me by Freya Ridings as it’s the song I listened to while writing. 

Also a big shoutout to @modernqueensix for the kind words about the first part and it really was the motiviation I needed to finish the last bit of part 2!

Part 1

Things had moved on rather quickly in Kat’s life since meeting Mae, it was like she put herself in a slingshot and everything was flying by. She finished her first year at university and since she was living with Anne and Catalina, she was already home. She was scared that the end of the school term meant that Cathy and Mae would go back to the town where Cathy grew up but she was rather relieved to find that Cathy had found a job in the city that she’d be working for a while and couldn’t move back home. Since the first meeting of Mae, Kat spent as much time with the two of them as she could. 

They’d go to the park a lot, get lunch, or just spend time at Cathy’s apartment. Mae had even met Anne and Catalina since Cathy insisted on meeting the two and Katherine was sure that she wanted them to meet Mae as well. Kat felt so much love for both Cathy and Mae. It made her heart swell with how happy Mae was to see her whenever she’d come over. The two year old would run over to her squealing her name until Kat could pick her up. They had a special bond that Kat couldn’t explain but her life was starting to make so much sense with Cathy and Mae in it. 

Now it was a special day for Kat, it would be the first birthday of Mae’s that she got to spend with them both. Mae was turning three on August 1st and Kat was really determined to make it a special day for her, as she was learning about everything the little girl liked over the past three months. Kat now found herself sleeping over every once and a while at Cathy’s place and today was no exception. She felt Cathy stir against her as Kat was curled up against her girlfriend’s chest. Cathy pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Kat’s head before untangling herself from Kat’s arms and legs and heading off to the kitchen to start Mae’s birthday breakfast. 

Her little girl loved chocolate chip pancakes and they’d had them for any special holiday since they were Mae’s favorite. This year it felt a little different for Cathy since the previous holidays spent just the two of them and now they had Kat in their lives. It was pleasant, so Cathy continued to make the pancakes as she heard the quiet shuffle of feet from the hallway and she turned to see Mae coming towards her, rubbing her eyes. Her now three year old was dressed in her favorite frozen nightgown and her hair was braided back into two dutch braids. Two dutch braids that Kat had patiently done on a wiggly toddler last night. 

“Happy birthday my princess.” Cathy smiles as she leaned down on her knees and brushed some baby hairs off of Mae’s forehead as she gently kissed each of Mae’s cheeks earning a giggle from the little girl. “Tank you Mama.” Mae says bashfully as she let herself fall into her mother who encased her little one in a hug, placing a few more kisses on the top of Mae’s head. She then settled Mae on the counter as the toddler snacks on some of the chocolate in the bowl Cathy had placed beside the pancake mix. 

A few minutes later Cathy heard another pair of feet shuffling down the hall. Kat exited her room, dressed in one of Cathy’s old band tees and a pair of pajama shorts. Her hair tied back in braids, matching Mae’s since she’d insisted the night before that her Kat Kat match her. “Happy birthday Mae.” Kat smiles, moving to where Mae was as the toddler outstretched her arms towards Kat who took her girlfriend’s daughter into her arms. She gave Mae a gentle squeeze and kissed the little girl’s cheek a few times. “Tank you Kat Kat.” Mae says, now beaming as she saw her favorite two people. “You’re welcome sweet girl.” Kae replies, placing another kiss on Mae’s cheek. Kat then turned her attention to Cathy, giving her girlfriend a matching kiss on her cheek. “And good morning to you my love.” Kat says, leaning her head on Cathy’s shoulder. 

“Good morning beautiful.” Cathy answers as she delivers a soft kiss on Kat’s lips. Kat grinned widely as she danced around with Mae in her arms, making the little girl laugh loudly and Cathy though her heart was going to burst right there, this was the life that she always wanted for Mae and herself, for someone to love them both. 

The morning had gone by successfully, Mae enjoyed her birthday breakfast so much that she wore most of it on her face and her nightgown. It earned her an early bath that day since they were going to be having a few friends over that to celebrate with them for Mae’s birthday. It was going to Jane with Edward since the little boy had turned two in late June and he and Mae had a little playdate the previous month and the two had wanted to have another since, then Cathy had also told Kat to invite Anne and Catalina since they were a part of their family. A few of Cathy’s friends from high school were going to be attending as well, their names being Joan and Anna. As well as three of their friends from their art class, where they’d met were going to be attending as well; Bessie, Maria and Maggie. 

The last three had been the friends that really encouraged Cathy to ask Kat and always held study sessions for the first few months to see how quickly the two were falling for each other. Now they were going to be seeing Kat in a new light, one where she was a part of Cathy and Mae’s life as a big part. The party was scheduled for two and Mae spent part of her early afternoon, napping so that she’d be awake and ready to have fun during her party. 

While she was napping, Kat and Cathy were getting the apartment setup with balloons and other decorations, Kat going to get the cake about an hour before the party started. “It’s looking amazing babe.” Kat says as she wraps her arms around Cathy’s waist, pressing a soft kiss against Cathy’s neck. “I can’t wait for her to see it.” Cathy replies as she looks around the living room that was filled with different frozen characters. 

“She’s going to be so happy to see Olaf.” Kat smiled, “I’m going to go see if she’s up.” 

“Sounds good to me, love.” Cathy replies, as Kat slipped in Mae’s room, finding the tot curled up with her teddy as Kat gently rubbed her back and Mae began to stir. “Hi sweet girl, do you wanna get ready for your party?” Kat asks as Mae rubs her eyes. 

“Yes pwease.” Mae nods as Kat lifts Mae into her arms and the three year old settles against Kat’s chest as she begins to wake up and Kat finds the dress that Cathy had gotten for Mae’s birthday, a simple cornflower blue dress with daisy flowers on it. It was going to look so cute on Mae, so Kat got Mae dressed, finding a white bow to match the dress as she brought her out to the living room. “My princess, you look beautiful.” Cathy smiles. 

“Tanks Mama.” Mae smiles as the doorbell rings and the first set of guests begin to arrive. The party went amazing, Mae spending most of the party playing with Edward, and being so excited at all the cool new frozen toys she’d got. Kat felt so grown up in that moment, like that Mae was her little girl, and it felt special to have some of her friends there to celebrate Mae’s birthday. Probably one of Mae’s favorites was that Anne and Catalina got her tickets to see Frozen on Ice and Kat swore that Mae was going to make herself pass out from all the excitement. 

Later in the night, Mae was asleep right at bedtime, not even needing a bedtime story since she wore herself out from all the excitement. It left Cathy and Kat cleaning up the living room, and noting who gave Mae what so they could write thank you notes to everyone. Finally they were finished and settled on the couch, Kat resting her head on Cathy’s lap who started to play with her hair. “You’re so good with her.” Cathy finally says as Kat glances up at her and before she could get anything else out, Cathy adds, “Move in with us?” 

“R-really?” Kat asks as she sits up and faces her girlfriend. 

“Yes, I mean it.” Cathy nods as a smile grows on Kat’s face. 

“I would love to.” Kat beams as she kisses Cathy softly. 

“Mae loves you like crazy, she was asking me about something the other day and I wasn’t sure when to talk to you about it but now feels right.” Cathy explains. 

“I love her like crazy too, you can tell me anything.” Kat replies as Cathy gently takes Kat’s hand in her’s and gives it a gentle squeeze. 

“She asked me if you’re her other mommy. She sees that other kids at daycare have two parents and she knows that we’re together. I hope this doesn’t scare you.” Cathy says as her cheeks began to turn bright red since it was something she’d been building up the courage to talk to Kat about. 

“I’d love to be Mae's other mommy. She holds a special place in my heart that I can’t explain. Something inside me tells me that I was always meant to find you two and I’d really love to be Mae’s mommy. It would mean the world to me.” Kat smiles as tears start to form in her eyes, she feels so connected to Cathy and Mae since now she’d be something more than Kat Kat to Mae. 

[the-quiet-winds]

Some Sort of New Light

[Dedicated to the Toby to my Lucy, @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts]

“Can I pet your dog?”

“Do I know you?”

“Well, no,” Anna concedes, “but can I pet it?”

The woman gives a weirded-out look, then shuffles off down the sidewalk, the dog following quickly to its owner’s heels.

“We’ll get the next one,” Katherine promises. “We’re not going home until we pet a dog.”

The mission had started that morning. Something about Anna dreaming about the hunting hounds from the past life and missing her own dogs, she had woken up in a very weird mood. And, of course, since Katherine was her (self-proclaimed) “best friend in the entire universe”, not that Anna would disagree, she had come up with the plan over breakfast.

They were going hunting.

Dog-hunting.

Instead of weapons, they had hands, and instead of kills, they were going for pets. 

So far, unfortunately, the brilliant operation had been a huge bust. They had been wandering the park for nearly an hour and a half, and only saw three dog owners.

Beside the touchy woman, they had met a very kindly man with a very average dog, but he didn’t speak a word of English, rapidly asking questions and probably in apologizing in what they both think was Polish. Then there had been the woman whose dog wore a bright pink vest, service dog logos emblazoned all over his proud back.

Otherwise, there had not been a single dog sighting during the entirety of they day. And Anna was growing upset.

All she wanted was one dog to pet. But she couldn’t seem to find one.

She must have been wearing her disappointment clearly on her face, because Katherine nudges her gently with her elbow. “We’ll find one,” she promises softly, “and we won’t go home until we do.”

“This was silly,” Anna says, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking down, “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.”

“Hey, I wanted to come,” Katherine corrects. “I wasn’t going to just leave you to be sad.”

Anna looks up to her, a flicker of a smile lighting her face. She opens her mouth to respond, but is cut off by Katherine’s cry of, “there!”

She turns sharply. About a hundred paces over, by the treeline, is what Katherine would call a woofer. A hulking dog, thick, heavy fur, drooping at the muzzle.

They spend barely a minute looking at each other before rushing over, giving the poor man on a phone call a fright. Their excitement must be dripping from their sleeves as they rock on their feet slightly, waiting for him to finish his call.

As soon as he ends the call, he’s met with, “can we pet your dog?”

They know how it looks - two women, college age or older, nearly bouncing out of their shoes with anticipation.

“Sure,” he says, pretending to not be as weirded out as he is.

Immediately, they are both crouched down, petting the dog. The dog’s tail starts to swish at the attention, mouth falling open as it starts to pant, lips almost forming a smile.

“What’s its name?” Anna asks.

“This fluffy monster is Balbo,” the man laughs softly, patting the dog’s head. “Pure-blooded Leonberger.”

Anna’s ears perk up at that. “German?”

“Indeed,” the man says, “went all the way there to bring him back as a pup.” With the hand not holding Balbo’s leash, he starts tapping through his phone. He shows a picture of himself, a few years ago with a few less grey hairs, holding a very fluffy brown and black puppy, its tongue lolling out and massive paws hanging limply in front of it. “Can you believe he was the runt of his litter?”

“No way!” Katherine counters. “He’s so big!”

Balbo barks once, and the man chuckles. “Don’t call him big,” he teases. Katherine flushes red, and Anna bumps her side. “Squirrel,” she mumbles, pointing to the target of Balbo’s bark.

The man tilts his head slightly. “Hey, wait, you do that stage show at the old Arts, right? Six?”

Anna and Katherine exchange a surprised glance, then nod. The man grins brightly. “My daughter, she’s a huge fan. I’m taking her for her birthday in a few months, but she doesn’t know that.” He smiles fondly, then pulls his phone out again. “Do you think I can take a picture of you two with Balbo? It would make her month, I bet.”

“Considering you actually let us pet this beautiful man,” Anna says, going full baby voice at the end, “I think it’s the least we can do.”

“Balbo,” the man says, “sit.”

Ever the trained dog, he follows the command. Anna jumps to his other side, each girl looping one arm over the dog’s fluffy back. 

He snaps the picture and smiles at seeing it. Balbo is looking directly at the camera, almost appearing to be grinning as brightly as his companions.

“Thanks,” he says, “seriously. This’ll make her so happy.”

“The pleasure’s all ours,” Anna assures him. She turns and holds the sides of Balbo’s face, flipping his ears and rubbing behind his head. “We got to meet this boy,” she says, baby-voicing the dog again.

Katherine can’t help the giggle at seeing her best friend talking to the dog in such a way. “It’s been nice to meet you…,” she trails off awkwardly, realizing they never got the man’s name. 

“Peter,” he introduces, holding out a hand. “Peter Wilson.”

Katherine shakes it without hesitation (something she notes to tell Jane later), and subtly tugs on Anna’s jacket. “Well, Peter, thank you so much for your time.”

“Yes,” Anna latches on, “this made my month,” she says.

“We’ll see you in a few months?” Katherine asks.

Peter grins. “My daughter is going to flip, and I know she’ll want to meet you both.”

“We’ll see her there,” Anna promises. 

With one last pat to Balbo’s head, Peter leads the dog back down the path, and Anna gives a content sigh. She closes her eyes for a moment, then opens them again as soon as she hears Katherine’s voice.

“Another one!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians @thinkaboutitmaybe @haniawritesthings @messanaa @rigatoni-ravioli @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy @justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @philopeanut @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate @bellacardoza16 @bluify @katherines-choker @why-only-have-one-fandom @missmarvelmixer @le-mlp-nerd @0-hufflepuffle-0 @drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces @lesbabe6 @wicked-books-101 @insertmusicaltheatrepunhere @toomanyfamdom @zoalis @rainbowmoose01 @broadwayqueer

[purplebenjy]

2005-Part 2

There’s six patients at his next session. Then nine. Then twelve. Dorcas has stopped participating to give up her spot to the thirteenth member, new today, a girl with nails that are bloody stumps and a smile that doesn’t reach her glazed over eyes. She gets her long dirty red hair in the paint and Dorcas has to gently help her tie it back.

RJ had missed last week’s but was back again, sitting determinedly next to a boy who looked maybe a year or two older than him, and twice as nervous. Katie, ever the faithful student, was still remarkably skinny, though Benjy could see a noticeable difference in five weeks of classes. Deena was in her usual spot in the back, but Benjy noticed she was quieter than usual that day, only heckling Benjy twice through his muddled lesson. Their sessions have extended to an hour and a half, so all of them spend the first sixty minutes putting paint on paper. He makes the rounds after that, pausing and smiling big when Rj tugs on his flannel to show him what he’s made. 

“You uh, get it?”

Benjy laughs delightedly. It was a painting of a young boy with the head of a cow, floating in space. 

“Space Cow Boy. Amazing and really well done. Rj you’re really talented.” He blushes, the tips of his ears turning bright pink. The boy next to him smiles shyly at RJ when he looks down.

“I’m glad you came back.”

“Me too. Vance told me I should.”

Benjy introduces himself to Vance and tries not read into the shy, borderline flirty smiles the boys are exchanging. Katie and her friend also from the ED program, Shawna, have both painted sunflowers. Her strokes are finally looser, slightly less perfect, though Benjy knows she’s got a long battle ahead of her. 

When he finally makes his way back to Deena, he’s surprised. Every session after their first one had depicted some sort of flying penis motif, but not this time. She’s painted a field, with mountains in the background. Her talent is obvious, it’s a semi-photo realistic style that Benjy has never even really been able to master himself. In the field there are all sorts of wildflowers and walking through them are a little girl with unruly tangled hair and a woman with slightly less wild curls. They’re facing the mountains, only the backs of them visible, their blue dresses picked up by a breeze Benjy can almost feel. Deena’s coloring in the raised arm of the mother, and she glances up at Benjy when he sits down beside her. 

“Deena...”

“I’m more than just flying dicks you know.”

She’s studying him now, Benjy can feel it. Waiting for his approval-a feeling he knows all too well, he can feel it coming off of her almost in waves. It’s bizarre to be in this position, to be on the other side of the canvas as it were, but he’s here, and Deena’s eyes are boring into him. 

“I know. I just didn’t know...you’re incredible.”

She scoffs. Without thinking, Benjy grabs her hand. “I mean it.”

She smiles, a real smile. A rare smile. She squeezes his hand once and lets it go.

“Thank you. I was..I mean I’m going to be again, in a program for art. It was just...a lot. My parents are splitting up and I...”

She trails off, glancing around the room. It’s alive with chatter and activity of the other patients and the two other nurses Dorcas rounded up to help her. No one’s hearing her, so Deena lets the wall down, just a little.

“It’s been hard. But I’m-I go home tomorrow, Benjy.”

He hears the excitement and fear in her voice as pride swoops through his heart.

“D, that’s great.”

“I’m terrified.”

“That’s a good thing.”

Deena snorts. “Oh yeah? When was the last time you were terrified?”

“When was my first session here again?”

That makes her smile again. 

“I hope it’s a good thing. I’m uh...” She drops her gaze to the painting. “I’m gonna miss you.”

The pride turns into affection.

“I’m gonna miss you too. But I can talk to Bernie about an outpatient program maybe...”

Deena shakes her head.

“No uh, other people need you more than me.”

“I mean, clearly.” Benjy says, nodding at her painting. “I can’t do that shit. You’re remarkable.”

“Not like you are.” She says, looking at him again. She clears her throat.

“You know how whenever you talk about your mom, you say she’s the best person in the world?”

“I talk about my mom that much?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, I’m really cool.”

Deena laughs.

“Well, uh, my mom’s the best person in the world too. She got me in here, came to visit as much as they let her and...well after you came the first time, I finally could talk to her. It was just about the session at first but then…” She smiles. 

“I told her about you. About what you do. She asked me what your name was and she uh, knew you?”

Wildly, for a second that doesn’t make sense, Benjy wonders if Deena is one of Forest’s daughters. He shakes himself. At most they were middle schoolers right now, barely if that. Still, his chuckle is nervous when he speaks. 

“Um, how?”

“Her name’s Donna-uh, Donna Pierce?” 

Deena keeps talking but Benjy feels a little piece of him die. Donna Pierce was arguably one of the most influential art agents in not only the Bay Area, but the whole fucking state. She’d been at his showcase. She’d shaken his hand and taken a sample of his portfolio-he found out later he was one of only two she’d done that with. And she was one of the agents’ whose assistants had told him they’d call him, but he hadn’t heard anything.

“She saw me at school.” He says dumbly. Deena laughs.

“That’s what I just said. Anyway we’ve sort of just...talked about you and painting and stuff when talking about the other stuff was too hard. She wants to meet you again-she left her personal card for you at the front desk. I hope uh-I hope that’s okay. You obviously don’t have to call her if you don’t want to.”

“I think I’m going into shock.”

Deena laughs.

“Yeah uh, she’s a pretty big deal. That’s part of why all of this was just….like I’m her kid and if I fuck up it’s twice as bad, you know?”

Benjy softens, snapping out of his surprise for a moment.

“I doubt she’d ever see you as a fuck-up.”

Deena grins.

“That’s what she said too.”

~~

Cass glances nervously towards the corner booth. He’s been cleaning the same mug for the past 20 minutes, which happens to be about as long as Benjy has been having a conversation with Donna Pierce. She’d almost look out of place in the Spacey KC’s if it weren’t for her wild collection of curls. Her sharp red blazer stands out  aggressively against the seafoam green of the wall she sits in front of. Cass smiles to himself when Benjy says something that makes her laugh, the sound crossing the cafe and hitting him at the  rainbow bar. She’s got black cat eye glasses and light green eyes that look like they could easily turn cold, but they look like they’re at least entertained by his boyfriend as he sits across from her. He can only see the back of Benjy’s head but he studies it all the same, a smile crosses his face for a moment when he notices the blue streak is fading back to the almost white bleach they’d put in it. He’s not messing with his hair too much, which either means he’s not nervous at all or too nervous to do it. Benjy’s jean clad leg is bouncing under the table but it always was. He’d worn the “Kinda Gay” shirt today after almost 20 minutes of debating with himself. He’d finally decided on it, not wanting to hide himself, even if it meant risking what this opportunity could be. Cass was proud of him either way, and of course he knew Benjy knew that. He knew Benjy was talented and if things didn’t work out with Donna, they’d work out with someone else. But still-he’d been lower than either of them had really realized before he’d started volunteering to do the therapy sessions. Cass had watched Benjy come back to life after each of them, his self assurance blooming again, his confidence rising, wounds that were still painful healing a little more each time. If Benjy could get an agent...well, when he does get an agent, Cass was sure he’d be completely unstoppable. He already was of course, but he needed something to remind him, to fully light that fire again-

“Shit.”

Cass quickly averts his eyes as Benjy turns around to look at the counter, grinning like an idiot at the too clean mug in his hands when a snippet of what Benjy is saying drifts over to him.

“That beautiful tall one? Who doesn’t fit in at all with the Rainbow Brite thing that’s going on? That’s the love of my life.”

“Um, hello?”

Cass whips his attention to cash register and smiles sheepishly at the customer. Well, not customer. It’s Carly-one of the co-owners and his boss.

“Hey, hey, Car. Sorry.”

“Is that her?”

Everyone at work knew about Benjy’s meeting today, mostly because he couldn’t stop nervous babbling about it to anyone who would listen, and whenever Cass was at KC’s, Benjy wasn’t far away. Cass just nods, playing it cool and Carly, mercifully, picks up on the hint. Kat, her wife, was far less subtle, and probably would’ve gone over to also introduce herself. Cass makes Carly the weird herbal tea she stocks for pretty much only for her own use and she settles at the robin egg blue part of the bar, close to the register-doing the books but also listening in. 

When Cass goes back to his mug, Donna and Benjy stand up. They shake hands, and then, in something that appears to surprise them both, Donna pulls Benjy in for a quick, maternal hug. She laughs a little sheepishly, but Benjy says something to her that makes her instantly relax. They speak in low voices, probably because Benjy was highly aware of eavesdroppers. Donna Pierce straightens her blazer and with a nod to Cass, who doesn’t even pretend to not be staring, she leaves the cafe.

His eyes find Benjy’s as he walks over to the counter, hands in his pockets, body language casual.

“Hi baby.” 

“Hi…”

Benjy smiles at him in a way that really shouldn’t be legal and Cass can barely resist the urge to reach over the bar and pull him in for a kiss.

“Do I look different?”

Benjy cocks his head to the side slightly when he asks, the small gold earring in his ear catching the light. Cass’s eyebrows come together; that wasn’t what he was expecting him to say.

But he should know by now; Benjy Fenwick is anything but what’s expected of him. 

“Uh, no? Not really? Should you?”

“Well I thought you know, landing an agent, therefore making me an official professional artise would make me a bit more-”

Benjy doesn’t get to finish his thought because Cass lets out a cry of delight and gives into temptation, grabbing the sides of his face and bending ¾ of his body over the bar to kiss Benjy victoriously, swallowing his laughter and breaking away in astonished giggles.

“Shut the fuck up!”

“I’m guessing it’s good news?” Carly says dryly, glancing up from her books with a smile that betrays her. Benjy’s grinning almost manically and he nods so fast Cass actually sees a blur.

“Congratulations, Benj. You deserve it.” She jerks her head to the door as her eyes find Cass.

“Go. Celebrate. I can start half an hour early.”

“Are you sure?” Cass asks, already untying his apron. Carly nods, her smile growing.

“Your lives just fucking changed, of course I’m sure. You only get to celebrate this once.” 

Cass doesn’t even bother to properly walk around the counter, opting instead to clamor over it to get to Benjy as fast as possible, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug that lifts him slightly off of the ground.

“I knew you’d get it.” He tells his hair, Benjy just grins back at him. They leave the shop and start walking home, their hands firmly together, safe in their own neck of the city. Benjy breaks the contact soon, energy pouring out of him as he recaps everything for Cass, practically dancing as he walks backwards on the sidewalk.

“So she said she remembered me from school, even before Deena mentioned me-and I was honestly already in her ‘possibilities pile’ which is just...I want one of those. How fucking bad ass. But anyway, she remembered my name since it’s you know, ridiculous. And then she said uh, she remembered me because of my talent, but she was giving me a shot because of my compassion, which you know...pretty cool.”

Cass knew it was a lot more than ‘pretty cool’. He could see it on Benjy’s face, the way he spoke, how his eyes danced right along with him-he didn’t need to explain himself further.

“And we talked about Deena for a long time and just...god Cass, she’s such a cool kid and just, like, even if her mom had been like a dentist or something, I still would’ve loved meeting her like this, you know? But she’s not a dentist and now…”

His smile kind of fades and Benjy stops, Cass watches it all sink in right in front of him. When Benjy meets his eyes again, galaxies are forming.

“I’m real.”

Cass closes the distance between them and kisses him sweetly. He wants to tell Benjy that he’s always been real, that he would’ve been real no matter what had happened, but he knows what Benjy  means. And he doesn’t want to take even a fraction of any of this away from him. 

“You’re real.” He says, taking his hand again and giving it a squeeze. Benjy tells him all about logistics, the next steps, how he made sure he could still do the program at the hospital-answering Cass’s questions as best as he can. When they get to their building, Cass starts to unlock the door as Benjy balances on the top of the railing like always.

“You know what one was her favorite?”

Warmth is already spreading to Cass’s cheeks, instincts and the way Benjy’s voice has gone impossibly soft giving him a hint.

“What one?”

Benjy hops off the railing and stands on his tip toes to reach Cass’s lips fully.

“You, your highness. Your photograph. My favorite too.” 

Their fingers are locked together as they climb the stairs. Benjy pauses when they get to their landing.

“Do you think Carly was right? Is everything about to change?”

Someone not fluent in Benjy would’ve missed the tiny hint of doubt in his voice, but not Cass. He pushes some of Benjy’s hair out of his face and smiles at him.

“I think so, Star Eyes. But you know what?”

“What?”

“So far, every change with you has been a good one.”

[afterglowparker]

International Love Day!!

In honor of international love day, I wanted to throw out some love into the world!! This is also a friendly reminder that today can be celebrated by more than just couples! Love knows no bounds, so be sure to let people know you love them, regardless of relationship status! Under the cut is a list of blogs/people I absolutely adore! In one way or another, they have all inspired me; they’re all very gifted and talented! Consider this a rec list too if you don’t follow them yet. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

@bensroger: abby! i know you don’t know who i am (strong start) but i absolutely adore you and your writing! i’ve practically been through your masterlist multiple times at this point. thank you for sharing your writing with the world and aLSO YOU LOOK SO GORGEOUS IN THAT DRESS YOU BOUGHT FOR YOUR SCHOOL BALL! 💘

@bi-writes: b! we! love! a! talented! writer! and such a wonderful human! you are so beautiful and i also wanna thank you for constantly feeding my thirst for tom holland whOOPS 💕

@cosmetologynerd: payton :')))) i have definitely expressed my love for you before, but imma do it again BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING AND DESERVE TO CONSTANTLY BE TOLD SO!! thank you for answering my whack questions, making me cry with your fics, and being an all-around fantastic human being. i’m so glad to know you and call you a friend! ILY. 💝

@hollandroos: soph, i hope this doesn’t come across as weird, but i just wanted to let you know that i think you are a phenomenal writer! i don’t think i have read one piece of work from you that i haven’t loved. ALSO thank you for supplying some quality™ ben hardy fics, cuz uH i love him. and you. you are amazing. 💖

@h-osterfield: kat! we appreciate a harrison osterfield loving queen! you have some of my favorite series on this site and i don’t think i ever get tired of reading them. (catch me constantly crying while re-reading yellow roses, remember when, and the art of pretending. sorry i’m a mess.) I HOPE THIS DAY WAS A GOOD ONE  FOR YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU, CUZ YOU IS PRETTY SPECTACULAR. ALSO HARRISON IN THAT RED SUIT. I’M. I’M CRYING. 💗

@lovelyspidey: bbyyyy stop i am so soft for you. you are so sweet and i cannot express how much i love you. i live for your writing and anytime i see you on my dash or in my notifs my heart soars. i love you!! you are so very wonderful! 💖

@madmadmilk: i know we don’t know each other in particular, but i feel it is important for me to let you know how amazing i think you are. in you i have found such a phenomenal writer. i just love your blog as a whole. everything about it. such quality™ content. i always think about ground rules. and alsooooo i live for the madmadthirst tag. :’) 💝

@peeterparkr: !!! not to be weird, but the day i stumbled across your blog was such a blessing. i binged your entire masterlist in one go. morning classes be DAMNED because that is how good your writing was. i laughed. i cried. i felt every emotion. you’re amazing!! 💕

@pparkerwrites: i feel like at this point you already know how much i adore you, but imma say it again, because I FREAKIN ADORE YOU SO, SO MUCH! forever one of my favorite writers/blogs. i constantly turn to your blog for a good read, cuz i don’t get tired of reading your work. never forget how phenomenal of a writer and how amazing of a human you are!! (did that sentence make sense?? point is i love you and you deserve the world.) 💘

@spider-boi: beaaaa i: love you. yet another writer who i truly love. you werer amongst some of the first writers i discovered when i first started reading for peter parker and co. and i am so glad i found your blog. I STAN A TALENTED WRITER. AND I THINK EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD TOO. (it’s you. you’re the talented writer.) 💖

@spideyshcllands: angie :’))) ily my lil’ bby. you are so sweet and i look forward to everything you post. congrats on all your success thus far!! i am proud of you and know that i wait with baited breath for you to continue to make me cry with in a heartbeat!! 💕

@starksparker: kaylee. i think we have established that i think you are amazing. you were one of the people that inspired me to write again and i thank you for that. you hold some of my favorite fics on this site and seeing your continue success and growth is amazing. never forget how wonderful you are! you have a real gift. 💝

@stuckonspidey: lilly!!! yet another person that constantly makes me cry with their fics. upon finding your blog, i binged i only feel you so fucking fast and waiting for more updates for it always kept me on edge. you really ripped my heart out. but i thank you for that because i live for good angst. thanks for sharing your work with the world! ily! 💗

i could go on forever, but i will leave it here. if you aren’t on this list, just know i probably do still love you so much! happy valentine’s day y’all! 💘💕💝💖💗

[kathillards]

rangerstop day two

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS SHOUTED US OUT AT THEIR PANEL AZIM TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHO MET BECAUSE OF POWER RANGERS AND POINTED AT US AND THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS ALL CHEERED AND TOLD US TO STAND UP OH MY GOD

uhhh sorry how do i move on from that how do i even think about anything else. the panel room was CROWDED people were FILMING kat and tabby had gone up to ask questions (which were HUGE hits) and come back and sat down AND THEN AZIM SAID THAT in the middle of a question about. i dont even fucking remember. something about what great community values power rangers has or something? and i guess we were related to power rangers being a community or whatever but bitch. BITCH. he said it and like pointed at us and they all started clapping (this sounds fake as hell i know BUT THERES VIDEO PROOF SOMEWHERE???) and everyone turned to look at us and we were like hi and then like two minutes later azim went “oh wait i have to make a correction, its not a group of girls its three girls and one guy because i think abigail isnt here? right?” and we were like ya so uh moral of the story... azim rizk i would murder ten hundred men for you

ok other things happened too, this will probably not be in chronological order bc i cant think right now 

- mike ginn stopped when he saw me and looked for tabby who was hiding behind me when she saw him and he looked around for tabby and did his pointing thing again and it was so cuuute

- kat was talking to christina about how we avoided the cast all day yesterday and she was like “yes but i saw you anyway ;) and i was wondering when you’d come over to say hi!” shes so CUTE and then they talked about her rescue puppy and she was so happy to talk about her puppy

- ciara and christina made ben sign the art presents he gave them, ciara did it first and christina was like OMG WHY DIDNT YOU AUTOGRAPH MINE and made him sign hers too

- christina and i did a WHOLE photoshoot we did a normal pic then a silly pic but then she didnt like so we did a kissy face pic and she was like “oh i think i did a duck face” and im like thats ok so did i AND OUR PICS ARE SO CUTE AND SHE HUGGED ME SO TIGHT I. WOULD. DIE. FOR. YOU. CHRISTINA. MASTERSON.

- selwyn called tabby his girlfriend when i showed up without her he was like “wheres my girlfriend” bc he remembered us from last night and then she came over and he was like THERE YOU ARE and gave her a free selfie (and signed her space dvd with “tj is the real leader of in space” but refused to X out andros’ face bc that was mean) and he covered up najee’s face on her kevin t-shirt and then was upset bc it looked like he was touching her chest and tracy lynn laughed at him over it AND THEN HE TOLD US TO COME TO THE TGIF IN THE HOTEL AFTERWARDS BC THE RANGERS WERE GONNA GO THERE AND GET DRUNK AND HE INVITED US TO HAVE DRINKS W/ HIM but we stood him up because... we are tired... he was like “yeah we have this stupid vip dinner but like we’re gonna try to leave early and just go get fucking smashed” and we were like ur so valid selwyn. i love you.

- kat showed azim my tweets defending megaforce and he had to put the phone down to run his hands through his hair and be like “wow that was such a specific takedown” and kat was like “yeah she just says this shit all the time bc shes seen megaforce five hundred times” and he was like “she was so detailed though she didnt just say ‘you suck’ she put THOUGHT into her takedowns” 

- (later when he signed my super megaforce green print he called me “my sista in social media smackdown!!!” complete with that many exclamation points)

- brennan said “i like your hat” to ben five times and he also signed tabby’s as well with his three catchphrases (she asked for him to write “awesome!” and he was like “i had more lines than that....”) he also told us he and the dino charge team were invited back for a dc/nsteel teamup but they kept cancelling them bc of budget reasons till it was just him and yoshi and he was finally like “i told them to just bring yoshi back because like thats his brother” and i was like “but then they didnt even INTERACT” and he was like “i KNOW”

- tabby’s tracy story: she asked tracy if it was uncomfortable fighting in crop tops and short skirts and tracy said “it wasnt uncomfortable but it was hard to not show everything” and she was like “idk why a power ranger would dress like that” and tabby told her ashley should have her own fashion line of athletic wear for fighter girls and tracy was like YES and tabby said she should have been leader of turbo bc she was into cars and tracy said that when they told her that ashley was gonna have a car plot she was like “ew no i dont want to touch greasy car oils” but that she was happy that ashley got to challenge herself

- kat was standing around azim the entire morning and he was introducing her to everyone who came up to him like she was his handler and at one point accidentally implied that she was his girlfriend and kat was like no im not and he was like “oh whoops it did kinda sound like that...” and his actual handler was like “why did u correct him” and kat was like “NO I LOVE HIS GIRLFRIEND” 

- when i was taking my pics w/ the megaforce cast and andrew was the sweetest angel and he kept making poses over my shoulder while i giggled and then he asked me for a hug and KISSED MY CHEEK and hugged me so tight and was like “love you guys” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU ANDREW GRAY

- john mark is literally the funniest person alive and he was constantly going around the megaforce booth when we were there like (to ben when he was giving art to ciara and christina) “WHERES MINE” and to me when i was having them sign my megaforce prints “WHERES MINE” hes so funny and i love himmm

- ciara was signing my prints but she got distracted when we asked about her dogs and she stopped and opened her phone and started showing us pics and videos and she was soo happy to talk about her dogs too and then we took our pic and checked it to make sure it looked good and tabby was like “you look gorgeous” and she was like “we BOTH look gorgeous” i cannot believe. AND THEN she threw in a group photo for FREE and we all got in there

- kat was telling us and azim about some douchebag vendor who was like hitting on her and inviting her to an afterparty and was like “are you over 21″ when she was just trying to look at his spd toys and azim was literally “which guy. where. where is he.” HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT GUY FOR KAT HE LOVES HER

- we somehow got on the subject of azim SHAVING HIS BEAUTIFUL BEARD and he was like “oh well we went to the make a wish foundation to meet kids and the beard scares them so i had to shave” and i was like “thats racist” and he was like nooo but u could tell his mind was blown and i was like “cameron didnt shave” and he was like “well cameron is white” and i was like SO YOU ADMIT ITS RACIST and he laughed also im correct

- related but michael copon came over to jessica rey’s table while we were there and she was like “hi michael these are my FRIENDS” and they were talking about how they’re cousins and they’re both half filipino and tabby was like “why didnt they give you any scenes together in the teamup!” and jessica was like “because i was with erin!” and michael was like “because they couldnt have two filipinos together in one scene” power rangers got WOKE man

- kat to andrew: i have a huge troy plushie!

andrew: oh my dogs would rip that up immediately

kat:

andrew: do your dogs not rip things up

kat: i dont... i wouldnt let them...touch my troy plushies...

(we love you andrew. he doesnt even know hes at a con. hes just here to chill.)

- someone at the panel asked a stupid question about “if you could cameo in any other season which season would you pick” like they dont get asked this all the fucking time and the rangers were like hmm like beast morphers or dino charge and then andrew, my husband my light my life, was like “fuck power rangers, i wanna go to the dc universe” (he didnt cuss obviously) but like... king. legend supporting legends. AND THEN CHRISTINA WAS LIKE “oh mood i wanna be in the pokemon universe” and john mark was like “as what” and she was like “i dont know i didnt watch it” QUEEN OF POKEMON she kins jigglypuff

- tabby was at ann marie crouch’s booth and telling her how she loved that princess shayla was the wild force team’s mom and she was like aww yeah i felt such a maternal instinct even though that was before i had my actual child!! shes so cute!! shes so pretty!!

- jessica rey is literally SO WONDERFUL AND FUN TO TALK TO we went to hang out bc tabby wanted her wild force dvd signed and she was just telling us her stories of hanging out w/ the other boys and how she went to drink w/ azim just to keep him company (bc peter and yoshi were there and they were like “we dont drink” nerds) so cuuute and then she had that pic of her and peter and yoshi and they’re making stupid faces and she’s smiling like an angel and she’s like THEY DIDNT TELL ME IT WASNT A SERIOUS PHOTO and i asked her jokingly how much for it and she was like take it its $30 and i was like pls charge me more have my money take my soul

- tabby and kat were at the megaforce booths and jessica rey came over and was like “excuse me what are you guys doing with MY GIRLS” and john mark was like “uh they’re OUR GIRLS” and then cameron pulled jessica over and was like “actually this is MY babe” and then she tried to leave bc she was in the way of ppl in line and azim stopped her and was like “no no stay you’re part of our FAMILY”and uh basically the power rangers family is the cutest family in the whole world thank you good night

- taylor swift wrote gorgeous about andrew gray

[emmelfish]

Folks, we made it here. It’s NUPTIALS time.

And Dina Caliente bogarts the alcohol before the ceremony’s even begun.

Dina: I’m just – I’m happy for you Brandi, really I am, but Mort-Mort hasn’t called since he got his leg over and I fear I may never fulfill my Marry a Rich Sim want. I just feel so vulnerable right now.

Dina: But yeah you make maternity marriage gowns look super classy and you look beautiful, and Darren – pink becomes you, so... happy wedding guys!

Dina: Let’s all get wasted! Not you obvs Brandi.

Le sigh, still a snooze, even with booze. Hopefully the party score will pick up!

Yep, Brandi’s best boys are all wearing pink, even though she’s not got a hint of her fave color on her wedding attire. Hey John Burb! Better not have been poking any more holes in your Durexes or switching out Jen’s birth control for Altoids. Hiya Dusty, how’s college?

Dustin: I’m still Undeclared since you all threw me in that dilapidated dorm and exited the game.

Undeclared! Great TV show. Uh, we’ll get to it, we just need to change your LTW to Top of the Criminal career because I want you to be a babyfaced mobster, and then you can take the Mathematics.

Dustin: Yay, numbers. That’s almost as fun as wearing a pastel suit.

YOU’LL THANK ME!

Hubba hubba, Tara Kat scrubs up well and has switched out her regular day hat to her fancy one! Thanks girl. Could you have a word with Dirk about changing out of his urine-soaked, blood-stained scrubs for this pivotal moment in his family life? Normally he doesn’t do a single thing to piss me off.

Dirk I swear to god if you don’t change into your powder pink suit I’m gonna make you watch your dad and stepmom making out on a freaking loop.

DIRK!

Holy heck Brandi is freaking huge.

Ah sheesh finally, he Superman’d it at the last minute.

John, there’s telling the bride she looks beautiful as everybody should, and then there’s full-on Jon-Voigt-in-Anaconda leering. STAHP IT.

John: Ah like ’em maaaarried, ah like ’em preeeegnant...

Feminists everywhere, please kick this man hard in the danglebits so he can make NO MORE BABIES.

Vows!

Brandi: From the first moment I saw you...

Brandi: ...it was around five seconds until we boned and made twins.

Darren: It was indeed.

Dustin: That’s... that’s it?

Beautiful, wonderful, round of applause everyone.

Presenting Mr and Mrs Dreamer! It’s a shame about the automagic surname change, I’d much sooner a double-barreling (for both spouses, the way they do in France!), but alas, The Sims 2 hails from a far less woke era. Maybe I’ll get round to fixing that if I ever make the effort to fire up SimPE.

What the... the hell time you call this, Beau Broke?

Beau: Fashionably late.

Dustin: Why in Watcher’s name do I gotta look like a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and young Neil Patrick fucking Harris over there rocks up in a tiny tasteful tux?

Because it’s hilarious, that’s why. And also, those fun suits you and Dirk are wearing didn’t come in child size.

Good lord, who rattled Dina’s cage?

Dina: I just remembered about Jessica, A Baddie, breaking into our house.

Oh for crying out loud Dina get over it, it’s been like an entire season since then and you get mad about this one thing every three minutes.

Staring in disbelief is Tara Kat’s default mode, and it suits her little face swimmingly. To think she was once on Darren’s list of Maybes to Marry, before I gayed her up with SPOILERS! Haha, not yet pretties.

Dirk, it’s their wedding, can you not give them a PDA free pass this one time?

Dustin: Yeeeeah, adulting, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. C’mere you long, tall... curvy... bubbly... yeah, sexy champers.

Had some wine coolers before the bus ride over from SSU did we, Dusty?

Beau what on earth’s wrong? You look distressed and yet your angry thought bubble is vacant. Are the tails on Dirk’s suit offending you?

Beau: Yeeeeessss!

Of course Angry Brandi Art Face had to put in an appearance at her wedding. Or perhaps the furrowed brows are because of the somewhat generous portion of prosec her dear son is pouring himself.

I love how all the toasts are literally only about Brandi, but she chooses to represent her new husband by doing him a heartfart.

Dirk: Hey so Dustin, our girlfriends are related... we’re officially family... do you think that means we’ll get married?

Dustin: Dude, are you high?

Dirk: I’m just... very confused about my life.

No Beau, you don’t get any sadly. I promise you that a nice rosé cava will be your drink of choice when it’s your turn to go to university.

Hey, the party score is up! Don’t stop me now, I’m havin’ such a Good Time, I’m havin’ a ball...

Tara: Brandi, your bewbs are so big that your cleavage can prop up my champagne glass!

John: That’s hot.

Yay, look how happy everyone is! Wow, I simply can’t think of anything that would ruin this perfect moment (obvious foreshadowing is obvious), it’s just what you’d want from a Sims 2 wedding.

Guests are chatting away, siblings are dancing...

...only three minutes to go. I’d take a Good Time score. Come on, we can keep it up...

...Daz is delicately feeding his bride the cake instead of smashing it in her face, good man, Beau’s all aglow in the zone...

...John’s heartfarting a lesbian, he can but dream, but at least it’s a nice dream for him...

...there’s a mother and son dance-off happening, Diggy’s being great with kids as she always is...

...besties dancing – holy shit we hit Roof Raiser! Is that all it takes? A little all-round positivity? Well then. Remind me to throw MOAR wedding pardies.

Beau DO NOT KILL MY ROOF RAISER VIBE with your grumpus face!

Beau: It’s this rain, it’s playing havoc with my corsage.

Rain on a wedding day is lucky! And you like music don’t you kid, just sing that Alanis song. 🎵 It’s like ray-ee-aaaain...

Dina: Goodness gracious. Brandi’s eldest, you’re growing like a weed.

Huh, interesting! The special event camera just kicked in. I wonder what that could be fo –

WHAT

THE

FUCK

I... just... I’m wordless. ACR, you are a freak. Goodnight dear Simblrverse. Stick a fork in me, I am DONE.

Hey – great party though!

[cha-eunwoow]

lHello hello hello!!! I am taking a break from homework to work on some tags and pop then into my queue And i am going to start with this super fun kpop tag!, I was tagged by these beautiful babes @jinjinxed (Morgan) 💙💖 and @buffbin (Lara) 💙💖 and i would like to first thank these angels for the tag and recommend you all check out their blogs if you have not already now let’s get into the tag!

1) 5 favorite groups?

Astro

Seventeen

Day6

N.Flying

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

Eunwoo

Jae 

Joshua

Vernon

MJ

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

ASTROOOOOOOOO 

buuuut here is why, I have l o v e d different groups at different times, I have watched a lot of MVs, seen a lot of choreography I have seen so many concepts. I can remember when I first stumbled on Astro I was watching a lyric video and Again ‘should have held onto you’ was suggested to me on the side bar on YouTube, and I was all for giving new music ago. I licked on it and remember being hooked to the intro right off the bat, so you could say Moonbin started it, but I will cut to the chase, I like music that resonates in my heart and emotions Astro did that right off the bat, even though i wasn’t fully reading the lyrics I still felt the emotion behind the song,the first music video I saw was Hide & Seek and never has watching a MV made me smile to the point where my cheeks hurt, and I continue to smile after all day. And I know this is a super duper simple reason to why I love them but Astro makes me happy, they make me so happy. And I love how close you can see they are, how hard they work, and how they all truly have beautiful hearts, and again I know it is such a simple maybe silly reason but because they make me happy and because they make me smile, and that is something we often forget to do. So I hope we can keep smiling with our boys for a very long time

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

Let’s set Eunwoo’s looks aside entirely here, yes he is good-looking, you have to have never seen Eunwoo if you do not think he is attractive and an actual fairytale prince on this earth, but the fact he is greater than his looks and how he truly is, that is what makes him a prince. I fell for his voice the second I heard it because I basically binged Astro songs and just waited for his part, and i am so proud of how much stronger he has gotten vocally. I adore how hard working and smart he is, and despite being just such a high caliber human being already, he is still humble and wants to improve himself, he recognizes his flaws and wants to be better. And speaking of which, he always pushing and going do all of his personal actives but still keeping Astro, what can he do to help Astro, and how can he be his best for Astro and Aroha on his mind. He cares about Astro so much he cried because he was worried about holding them back, which is far from the case. I love how he got nervous and to try to help calm down, he did research on all the hosts on Hello Counselor (him on Hello Counselor was honestly so cute) and how preparing things like that eases his mind. And I could go on about his Singing, his acting, his dancing (I am so proud of him he is always getting better and better), him being multilingual, knowing how to play the piano, or how his eyes light up before he smiles and you just feel the joy from him, his laugh oh my goodness. Or how he maybe quiet at times but you can see the gears turning in his head behind his eyes as he analyzes a situation with a smile on his face.   But to tie this up I really think I love him as much as I do because I see small fragments of myself reflected in his personality and in the way he thinks, and I also cannot help but look up to him (not just because I am short either) and want to be better and aspire to have the sense of maturity that he has about so many things. I want to put my heart into things like he does, and at the end of the day I am so glad that the universe has put me into the same timeline as him, so I can watch him grow and shine. And I also hope we all can aspire to be a little more like Eunwoo at the end of the day

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

Credit to le Petit Prince 

7)  Favorite Kpop MVs

Baby

Very Nice

Crazy Sexy Cool

Clap

I’ll Wait

8) 10 Favorite Kpop songs? ( no particular order because that is ha r d )

Baby-Astro

Thanks-Seventeen

Innocent Love-Astro

Pls Don’t be sad-Highlight

Again Should Have Held On To You-Astro

Hot Potato-N.Flying

I Smile-Day6

Hola Hola- K.A.R.D.

With You-Astro 

Likey-Twice 

This was really hard omg 

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

I watch too many of them to pinpoint one but anyting with ‘X groups as vines’ are really funny 

10) Favorite content creator(s) within the fandom?

@beyourstar Jen makes the most beautiful GIFs oh my god I c r y

@sleepyastro leepyastro S K I L L S they got your cute and they got your cool art, and they do beautiful sketches of the boys 

@artist-aroha Kat’s Astro word prompt drawings are always so good oh my god 

@snibnoom Keeps us well updated on top of giving us content we may not otherwise see and then being an artist as well

@sanhatation Riley makes the most beautiful edits, honestly I am in art school and she does graphics better than some of my classmates 

go check all of these amazing blogs if you have not already

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

Astro pretty much, I like to keep this blog all Astro all the time, to the best of my ability

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

jkshjshjsdjkfseare you kidding?? fine omg 

F-Joshua 

M-Eunwoo?? 

K- Jae (I feel like we would roast each other and that just may be a result of it)

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

Amber Liu or Ailee or Jae

14) If you could date any idol, who?

If I even hypothetically could, I don’t even think I would. I don’t even think I’m compatible with anybody what the heck this is hard  I will say Eunwoo and we can see how that could fail and move on.  and when we break up he would be the one my family would keep asking about tbh

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

Dream pt. 1, Autumn Story, or Winter Dream 

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

Idk what this even means 

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

Moonbin or MJ tbh 

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

If you do not thing I would fight Jae or Sanha for being tall, loud, or sassy you are wrong I love them though omg

19) Favorite vocalist?

MJ or Joshua 

20) Favorite Rapper?

Vernon or Jinwoo

21) Favorite dancer?

Moonbin or Minghao 

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

Competitive, always want’s to improve, kinda sarcastic(I’m only saying kinda because lord knows this boy can roast if he wanted to), analytical of situations, we also both like the color blue

23) The most beautiful trait any idol can have?

A beautiful heart and mind

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

• Clap or Swimming Fool- Seventeen

•Be Bazy or Blood-Day6

• Baby - Astro

• play Astro if you want to see my hype 

25) Your worst wrecker?

BIN IS OUT TO DRAG ME AND THAT IS NOT OKAY

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

none so far and none anytime soon

27) Favorite choreo?

Thanks by Seventeen is honestly just so beautiful I cry watching it 

28) Favorite live performance?

this~~~~ X or X

29) Favorite debut mv?

Hide & Seek because how could you not

30) Recommend a rookie group

Dreamcatcher

31.) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

Baby~~~~~

32) Tag some cute mutuals you’d like to get to know better (and to do this challenge)!

@astros-turf @blueberrybins @myunghjun @moonbinandback @jinjins-freckles @jinjinwooz @jinwoowoohoo @parkminhyuk @snibnoom(as rules always go you do not have to do this tag if you do not want to and sorry if you have already been tagged for this but if you have done this tag link me to it💖💙💖)

[tookapxlaroidofus]

Hi Taylor, 

I realised I’ve never personally introduced myself to you, or even on this website at all. It’s about time right? My names Katherine (but everyone calls me Kat) 19 years old, and from England. I’m currently over half way through my art degree (scary!) and with my love for art, I’ve been making some designs for you! 

I wanted to use this to thank you for being the most supportive friend in my life, without even knowing it. You’ve helped me so much since I first heard you singing on the radio when I was just a little girl. But especially as I’ve grown up, learnt the wrongs and the rights and found and still am finding my way through life. The past few years have been particularly hard, but you, your music, and the whole fandom have been there to help me so much, and I couldn't thank you or them any more. 

I want to thank you for ‘Welcome to New York’, a song that helped encourage me to come out to my parents and family. ‘You can want who you want, boys and boys and girls and girls’ Hearing that lyric put the biggest smile on my face and a huge amount of love in my heart. 

In the summer, I almost lost my mum to a suicide attempt, and since then, it’s never been the same. My mum has always been my best friend, we never argue and I know I can talk to her about anything, so to see her almost lose a battle to depression and anxiety was the hardest thing ever. Whilst she was in the hospital, I wasn’t allowed to see her much, which made my summer extremely hard. But I listened to your music and I knew it was going to be okay, I knew I could get through it and be the support my mum needed. It’s still hard watching her struggle everyday, but in the end I know she will make it through.

I also broke up a 3 year relationship, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Once again, your music helped me to know things were going to be okay, and that love will find me again. We have to go through some rough patches before we get to the shiny one. 

Thank you for taking your break, but still looking out for us online. Thank you for producing another amazing album, one that I can relate to a lot. Thank you for the words and lyrics you write in your songs, the emotional poems, the beautiful speeches on tours, the connections you make to all of us. You give us so much love and I hope you feel the same back from us. You may not know who I am, and maybe never will. But I always know that no matter what, I have your support through so many different medias and that’s always going to make me happy.  I’m doing better than I ever was. @taylorswift I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re okay. And I can’t wait to sing and dance with you on June 23rd! 

[will-squill-blog]

11 Questions

hey y’all!! so i was tagged in this thing by @libtertysir (thank you for tagging me!! i’m sorry i took so long to get to this) and i’ve never done one of these before, so i really hope i did it right!! i tried to not make myself overthink the answers but there were a couple times when i did, so sorry about that,, anyways I’m gonna put my answers and all of that shit under the cut BUT the people I’m tagging in this next are:  @georgiapeaches-n-cream, @linquenelsprite, @eldritch-queen, @theradicalace, @afantasticmess, @alexfuckingdies, @introverts-unite, @fowl-play-blue-jay y’all don’t have to feel obligated to do this if you’d rather not, but yeah!! if you are, you should at least read the bottom of the posts bc the questions for y’all to answer are down there,, anyways-

What is your earliest memory of school?

Before elementary school, I went to this school/daycare place called “the young school”. I have multiple specific memories from there, (including being taught how to yo-yo and not at ALL figuring it out, getting very concerned over the words to “ring around the rosie”, and not at all understanding the point of nap-time) but the very earliest is from the first day there, when I realized I had to be separated from my brother and was absolutely terrified. 

What is your favorite candy bar, and describe everything good about it!

Kit Kats! It’s probably a pretty typical answer, but it’s always the first one that comes to mind. I love that they break into two, and they’re so crunchy! My favorite part has to be the flavors, though. We have this asian market a little while away from my house that sells a bunch of flavor variations, and they’re so good! Most places just have chocolate and vanilla (which is seasonal), but this place has cookies and cream, matcha green tea, strawberry, peach, mango, and some others! I’ve seen pictures online of the amount of flavors they offer in Japan, and they look so good!! My only problems with them are that I can’t try all the flavors ‘cause they aren’t here, and, of course, that they have milk (I’m lactose intolerant).

What 3 songs would you use to introduce someone to your favorite band? 

I don’t really think I have a favorite band? I usually don’t, I just listen to whatever music I’m feeling at that point. Although if I did have to pick a favorite right now, it’d be NSP, and the songs I pick would vary GREATLY depending on the person. However, I actually was going to introduce them to someone I know, and was going with “take on me”, “peppermint creams”, and “6969”!

What was one weird thing you did with your friends in high school that you’re not afraid to admit? 

I’m gonna be real, y’all, I’m still in high school! I don’t think I’ve done anything weird enough yet that it would fit here, so I guess I can’t answer this one.

What musical instrument do you hate hearing the most, and why? 

This might be very obscure, but a “crank-style ratchet”? We were doing an activity in music class and someone chose that for their instrument and let me tell you, this thing sounds HORRIBLE. I couldn’t think of an actual instrument, it’s more of a noisemaker, so I’m sorry if my answer technically doesn’t count!

If you could, what personality trait of yours would you give to everyone else in the world?

I’m pretty sure “acceptance” is a personality trait, so it’d be that one. Just so people can be less bigoted, you know?

If you could learn any skill, what would it be, why, and how would you use that skill to make at least 5 friends? 

Assuming we mean skills that are physically possible, I’d want to learn art. Not regular art, I mean that next level shit. I’d want to learn how to flawlessly make art using any medium in any art style and it would always look exactly how I wanted. Every time I make any type of art- drawing, painting, sculptures, ANYTHING- it’s never quite right. I would love to be able to always make it look exactly how I wanted. I’d make friends by then being the best fucking artist to exist ever. Just make art of anything and everything, give art to people I meet, make friends.

Bees?

Honestly, I love bees but whenever I’m near them, I’m absolutely terrified of them. Fuck yeah, though, bees.

What is your favorite thing about your face? (Positive Answers Only, y’all are beautiful people)

My eyes! How they look, I mean- I have absolutely horrid vision, but that is a long and complex story for another time. Here’s a fun fact: they’re so bad I had to write this post in another software before copy-pasting it here since this format has so many words so close together that I can’t read this. I’m trying to make the format a bit easier by adding more spaces, but still. My eyes suck.

Do you have any ghost stories?

The one I remember the best is the time when I was younger that I was convinced there was a ghost since I kept hearing scratching noises on the walls and I was upstairs. There were also some strange whistling noises, but that was just the wind. Apparently the scratching was a raccoon, but I still don’t know why it sounded so close? Did it climb up the side of the house or something? Plus, it was really windy out, so how would that thing even get up there? I know it’s not that great, but it’s the first one that came to mind.

A door appears in front of you, and takes you to a room with someone who you want to forgive, and someone who you want to be forgiven by. Who are they, and what happened to between you?

Oh boy, this is a heavy question. Like, a really fucking heavy question. The person I want to be forgiven by would probably be someone who was actually best friends with my shitty, abusive ex boyfriend. We’ll call him L. He was horrible, so fucking horrible, and I still have SO MUCH trauma from that relationship, but that’s for another time. His best friend, however, knew that the things L was doing were bad, but stayed friends with him- for reasons I don’t know. I think, after things got really fucking shitty between me and L, that his best friend started to get angry at me. L’s best friend was an extremely sweet and caring person who I sometimes really, truly miss. I will never, ever understand why they stayed friends, or how you could even stay friends with someone after knowing about how badly they abused other people. Now, on the other hand, the person I want to forgive. This is a lot harder to think of. If I’m being honest, the answer I really want to give is myself? I know that’s probably kinda dumb, but there’s a lot of shit I’ve done and never fully forgiven myself for and I really, really wish I could. That shit, however, is too personal for this post.

WOW i hope i didn’t bring everyone down with that last bit hskjhfdgh

anyways !!as for the people i tagged earlier!

Your questions are:

1: If you had to pick an instrument and a color to describe yourself, what would they be? 2: Describe your favorite outfit and/or what you wore today! 3: What’s the last song you had stuck in your head? 4: Do you have a dream job, and what is it? It doesn’t have to be realistic!
5: What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? 6: Tell the story of the last time you cried from laughter! 7: What’s your favorite superhero / superpower? 8: Do you know that you’re so fucking valid and important? 9: What’s your favorite movie / video game / series of any kind that’s super obscure? 10: Do you have any stories that are actually true, but sound unbelievable? 11: What are your thoughts on birds?


[boo1a4]

11 question tag!

Hey guys so I was tagged by 5 of my fav gals to do the 11 questions tag (THATS 55 QUESTIONS WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS) but anyway I was tagged by @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime and @yongpal-i (this tag is fucking eternal help me)

Cloud’s Questions!

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho)

Blackpink’s As If Its Your Last, Heize’s Star, Day6 I loved you and You Were Beautiful, most of seventeens title tracks and most of their ballads, lastly  Pristin’s Aloha! I'm sure my pronunciation is way off but those are tho the ones that I've taken the time to actually sit down and learn!

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close)  

Ummmm I think it depends on the friendship? also I think I can tend to be a bit of both (cause I'm an insecure ass binch), tho I don't ever feel like my friendships are dying lmao

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it)

not that I can think of?? like I'm sitting here thinking if there is anything and like honestly no????

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs)

Dracula Teeth - The Last Shadow Puppets(honestly cloud just listen to all of their music is so great) Daydream In Blue - I Monster (this is honestly one of my all time fav songs I love it too much) No Way Down - The Shins (you know I can't go 2 mins without mentioning them, some great lyrics right here tho also give September a listen in beautiful) Beechwood Park - The Zombies (I'm assuming you know the zombies cloud but on the off chance that you don't BINCH THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAVORITE well beside cream and zeppelin but they are up there) Kimbra - Miracle (kinda of a random one but this song just never seems to leave me!) Big Bird -Hyukoh (oh that was 6 BUT THIS SONG IS SO GREAT also listen to wing wing!!)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs?

I generally prefer second generation??? I think????? I like a bit of all of them tho. but like there is no definitive answer to when each of the generations start and end so like I don't even know??? but most of my fav groups as far as music goes are older around 2nd gen but a fair amount of them are gen 3, I have a really strong love for kpop that was released between 2009-2014.

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE)

girl idk just my whole fucking life tbh, but my family members and irl friends will all tell you I do this thing where I yell sing songs and change the lyrics to their names this includes badly sung kpop songs IM SCREAMING THO CLOUD WHO ARE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle

um probs ofd?? id say weekly idol also but damn the hosts would literally be like who is this weird binch!

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017?

In no order but 1. Would U - Red Velvet 2. Let’s Hang Out - SF9 3. Night Rather Than Day - EXID 4. Aloha - Pristin 5. Missing You - BTOB 6. I Loved You - Day6 7. Teenager - Got7 8. Habit - Seventeen 9. As If It’s Your Last - Blackpink 10. You, Clouds, Rain - Heize

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house?  

Im a real messy binch so definitely compact studio

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow)

ok so I spent a lot of time at my aunt Lori’s house when I was a kid (like summers, and after school) and my cousin was the BUG queen so she hand made leashes for her pet toads (that she caught) and we walked them around on leashes for like a week but I was always so afraid of them and also hurting them so I WAS NOT ABOUT THAT ahahaha dumb story but it makes me laugh alsoalsoalsdo they had this bench swing in their back yard and my cousin my sister and I would swing on it together for hours at a time and one time we were swinging real hard (REAL HARD) and the links?? or whatever that held it to the ceiling it was hanging from snapped and the three of us of us flew off of it and we all collectively blacked out??? it was so weird but I woke up to my cousin stuggling to get me off of her and then there lays my sister underneath the bench just blacked out chilling (she was fine) then my aunt came running out cause she had just heard the loudest crash ahsdfasdf not long after my uncle put stronger links on it and that bench is still there! From time to time when the three of us get together this story gets brought up its still the most hilarious thing ( ALSO CLOUD YOU ARE SO PURE I LOVE)

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept?

yeah I love music so much why not! not sure I would be able to contribute much  lmao

Mir’s Questions!

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go?

hmmmmm do you mean like I wouldn't be visiting anyone and just traveling alone?? or like going someplace where I know no one?? ok cause for the first I would book it straight to az TO SEE YOU MIR!! AND SISTER!! but for the second I would love to go to Japan (my cousin lives there tho so that also doesn't technically count lmao)

What inspires you?

Music, books, and tv shows! Also really well written characters or just interesting people I guess! but on like a ??spiritual?? level my mom?? she's just that binch you know ( like seriously Ive never met anyone kinder or more driven and hard working in my life she's wild)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind?

47 KITS, no realistically I want 2 kittos and they will be named Bellamy and Murphy cause I got too also lowkey want to name a cat rami or Elliot or also kaz or Inej damn all the good names wow. Also the name Calloway is my fav name of all time and I WANT SOMETHING WITH THIS NAME

What are you opinions on fedoras

um eww?? what other opinions are there?? what is this question mir I'm???? but like ngl when worn in a none cringe manner then can look nice!

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone))

girl I've done my time (lowkey did you put this on her cause I told you about my gravy spoon today???)

What is your favorite type of tree?

I like Birch trees!

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert?

damn MY MOM cause then she might listen to something other than bruno mars once in a while

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with?

art, sleeping, reading and um idk?? tbh??? like maybe not being shitty and being funny??? idk??? like I don't know????

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be!

um hm im a moody binch bonch so probably moodmaker?? mir is main dancer cause yes duh ivy is leader cause she's the only sane one kennedy I feel would be a great rapper like she got that chic thing going she could do it I feel??? and cloud would be our talent tbh??? nom would be the maknae cause she's small I feel! Jeddy would be my happy virus bud cause she's a fun and funny gal ( I love) Jamie ALSO ONE OF OUR TALENTS wow yes I feel a main vocal here she’d go solo and be singing ballads left and right! JESS WOULD BE THE SWEET MOTHER MEMBER THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND IS JUST THE SOFTEST,,,A SUNSHINE GAL.

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way)

damn idk I'm like horrible at taking care of things (including myself) so like honest id just stick to the kit kats

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj)

The best ice cream (tho I can't eat it anymore and its very cursed)

Nom’s Questions!

how are you? :D

I’m good Nom thanks for asking!

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs?

Im a ballad ho these days they are honestly all I listen to anymore, but I do love me an good upbeat song I'm just slightly more picky about them!

fave anime movie?

ok tie between Whisper of the Heart and Howl’s Movie Castle, I honestly need to see more that arent Ghibli!

dogs or cats?

Cats! (my dog is practically a cat tbh)

do you keep stuffed animals in your room?

I have one! its a portal companion cube! its not technically an animal BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY ITS ALL IVE GOT!!!! also if you count tsum tsums I've got a few big hero 6 ones!

someone you miss?

My dad, its been especially hard lately.

describe your phone case?

its like rainbow watercolor! I have a pop socket that matches

favorite lore/myths?

Not technically myth or lore but Beowolf! I've seen the movie at least 40 times and I've read the epic! generally I find northern european mythology/literature to be more interesting than southern. but if we’re going for like ubran myths tbh not really my thing ahahaha.

eardbuds or headphones?

both for different things! but when I first listen to an album I like to listen with my headphones!

can I steal your heart?

you already have ~~~~~~~

favorite thing about your ult bias?

His sensitivity and kind heart! I love a sweet boy! Also I'm really here for Boo’s cheeks!

Jamie’s Questions!

If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

ohhh there are a few songs that I really really love, Heize’s Star is a song that I listen to daily and I feel like I could listen to it for the rest of my life! also September by The Shins! Miracle Aligner by The Last Shadow Puppets also. Idk man I just really love songs with a mystical quality to them.

If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be?

BINCH AND OUR FANDOM NAME WOULD BE BONCHES

If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why?

Singing!! its just about the only kind of musical talent I think I’d be any good at! Im a vocalist ho I just want to be like my favessssss

First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street?

I would literally hide so fast omg

First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site?

SCREAMING ALL THE LOVE FOR BOO SEUNGKWAN 24/7 and literally only doing art of him and nonstop posting it

Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why?

OK literally all of Soonyoungs airport looks cause damn that boy does not get enough credit for his fashion (he's the best dressed in the group fite me)

If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it?

umm probably something really pretty? and colorful? I'm not sure what put I like  arm tattoos!

What is your most prized possession?

probably my laptop?? also my collection of sketchbooks!

What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try?

Im always interested to try those youtube art challenges, I've done the three marker challenge before and the draw this again challenge also!

You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them?

I would literally just send my art to them! I feel like it says more than 100 characters can!

You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like?

LITERALLY A LIBRARY AND LIKE NICE AND DARK AND WARM BUT NOT TOO WARM LOTS OF BLANKETS

Kennedy’s Questions!

Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood.

it is here

What vine do you quote the most?

what is that?? who you fighting?

What do you value most in a friend?

I like people who are good listeners! but also people can keep a conversation going! But really tho just genuine kindness and openness.

If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn?

DAMN THIS IS HARD, so many great ones that I love a lot but probably Red Flavor?

If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?”

damn Idk them so I'm not gonna like tag them or something lol

What is your ideal clothing style?

I like simple dark clothing that is comfortable.

What is your favorite Snapchat filter?

I really like the ugly ones tbh I don't use them enough

What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!)

psychology, I really love learning about how people work.

Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late?

early of course, I hate being late

Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias?

damn neither??? ahahah no a day with boo would be very blessed!

If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back?

F(X) BINCH I NEED MORE MUSIC

My Questions!

if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose?

favorite music video aesthetic?

Group you are most excited for in 2018?

Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups?

If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why?

Favorite soloist? and some song recs?

Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud)

Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they?

Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017?

astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I'm a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor)

Random question but what are your favorite names?

Tagging : @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime @yongpal-i (y'all can do mine if you feel like it!) @forgetjunnot @babybyuny @kae-popx @kiheehyunie @jeonwoooo @trbldean130 @howcaniwait @joshhjs @maetaamong and if you’ve already done this you don't have to do it again ahahahaha I feel like everyone has done it already lol

ok thats it do it if you want!

[yeolsmuffin]

Married to a Monster - Twenty One

Paring: jonginXreader

Genre: Fluff & Angst || Husband!Jongin, Best friend!Minseok, Best friend!Jongdae

Word Count: 12.8k

Summary: You are forced into a marriage with your once love/childhood best friend. Although, you don’t love him anymore and are disgusted with having to marry him. After driving yourself to suicide twice, you know you can’t ever fix things with him but even though, you push forward for the happiness of your parents who are still grieving the loss of your older sister.

Notes: Trigger warning: talks of death, self-harm, suicide, and the likes.

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen [M] | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty [M] | Twenty-One | Twenty-Two |

This was a new start and while you decided to remain married legally, you were going to a girlfriend-boyfriend status to take the relationship as slow as Jongin needed. While you still hadn't been physically intimate, eventually you would. The distance would make that happen on its own especially once Jongin got over the fear of hurting you.

It would be a long haul but you were ready for it. You were ready to start fresh and now that everything had been solved that could be solved, you could be free. You wouldn't have to think about Jongin hurting you or the lingering love you had for Minseok. You wouldn't have to think of how losing your sister ruined you or how Jongdae was one of your crutches. You were free for the first time in a long time.

You could feel the freedom in your bones the day you left your home and you hoped Jongin felt the same. He was going to be free too. Time would heal him the way it healed you.

When you stepped outside that morning, the chilly wind blew in your hair and caressed your skin all while the sun shined brightly in the sky above. Jongin wrapped an arm around your waist, kissing you sweetly before you left, and then, as if it were magic, the birds started to sing.

"Chanyeol," you whimpered out and his dark eyes immediately shot up towards you.

He looked at you tenderly, "Are you okay?"

You nodded, urging him to continue as you closed your eyes tightly.

Before he could even touch your skin, you yelled: "Don't mess up!" As you opened your eyes and smiled playfully.

He raised his lip at you and pointed the metal in his hand in your direction, "That's the third time you've pretended to be in pain and then scare me by saying 'don't mess up'. Y/N, if you say 'don't mess up', I'm more than likely to mess up. You know how I get under pressure," he whined.

You laughed, "I can't believe I used to be intimidated by you."

Chanyeol kept the metal device pointed at you, "You should be intimidated now. I could ruin your life."

A snort escaped your lips, "Sure."

"I will hold you down and pierce your fucking nipples."

Sehun chucked from across the shop, "You act like yours aren't pierced."

Chanyeol's hands immediately went to his nipples as you busted out into a fit of giggles. "I knew it. I knew you were a freak."

His face flushed, "And it ruined my life, so thanks, Sehun."

You raised a brow and craned your neck over towards the man and Sehun just crossed his arms over his chest. "Chanyeol was drunk and screaming about wanting to get his ex back so I told him piercing his nipples would help. Drunk Chanyeol believes anything."

Nodding a few times, you grinned at Chanyeol. "Last time he was drunk, he told me about how he almost got a piercing-"

An "oof" escaped your lips when you got hit by a small white pillow that Chanyeol had launched at you.  "Do you want me to do this tattoo or not? I could make you go find another tattoo artist who will let you use your own work – and let me tell you, it isn't easy."

"You're not scary," you just said, crossing your arms like Sehun's. "I used to be scared of you but you're just a softie."

"So you were scared of me when I was a skinny high school boy but not now when I'm covered in tattoos and go to the gym on a regular basis?"

Shaking your head, you pursed your lips. "You have your nipples pierced. That's not scary."

"Watch it or you're getting a dick on your leg. See if anyone wants to look at you like that," Chanyeol said, but immediately started pouting. "I'm really excited about this tattoo, Y/N, please let me get started."

Nodding, you pretended to zip your lips as Chanyeol let out a shaky breath and hunched over your lower half.

Chanyeol and Sehun had more to them than you knew about – like the two of them were tattoo artists. Honestly, you hadn't paid much attention to them even when you moved into the neighborhood that most of the boys lived in together but since you left home, you tried to become more social. While you hadn't intended to befriend the two boys, the three of you had turned out to be good friends.

They did a lot of tattooing at art shows near the school you went too since the school held some of the biggest shows in your area. More often than not, you would let them stay with you when they came to do the shows every couple months. You weren't trying to replace Jongdae and Minseok but somehow, you still grew close to them.

They were fun and didn't bring up the past – which you enjoyed.

While it had only been about a year since you left home, you had decided to do something not only for you but for Jongin.

The two of you were handling long distance well and you had seen him every holiday break you had. Things between the two of you were still going at a slow pace but you could see the change in Jongin as he went through treatment and therapy.  

It was in hope of the future that you were getting tattoos to cover your scarred legs because you knew that for him to ever heal, he couldn't look at those marks every day.  

Chanyeol was the best tattoo artist you knew and he was willing to work with one of your own drawings, whereas many tattoo artists wouldn't. Chanyeol was also gentle and someone you trusted.

The tattoos were something you had worked at for a while because they had to be perfect. You decided they would start at the tops of your thighs just above your scars, and drop down to mid-thigh. Bright flowers and branches would be encircling the slight curve of your thighs.

This one was purely for Jongin so you told Chanyeol to work his magic and make it apparent that it was for him without literally saying 'This is for you Jongin'. Yeah, maybe his actions took part in you creating the scars but now he wouldn't see that. Instead, his actions took part in you being covered in a beautiful art piece.  

It wasn't your first tattoo, as you already had a songbird with music notes around it to cover the arm that you had cut up the worse – thanks to Sehun, it was stunning.

Chanyeol's tattoo gun pricked your skin as he moved it and you winced slightly. It wasn't the worst pain in the world and since you had once been used to pain, it didn't bother you much.

"It's going to be beautiful," Chanyeol whispered as he traced a line with the gun. "Jongin will love it."

You felt a hand on your shoulder and when you looked up, you saw Sehun standing next to you. "You're doing something good for him. I hope you know how much he loves you."

"I was afraid that he would be in that state forever," Chanyeol went on. "When we were all stupid and getting high and drunk - he was the worst of us. He would talk about how much he loved you and then we'd have to watch him treat you like shit. When he came down, he would hate himself and wish that he was dead."

Sehun dropped his gaze, "None of were okay with how he treated you but we knew he didn't mean it. Minseok was always watching you. Always. I don't think I've ever seen anyone love someone more than the way Jongin and Minseok loved you."

Minseok. Your heart sank into your stomach. You hadn't heard from him since he left. It hurt but you tried not to take it to heart. 

Jongdae and Jongin both had visited you when they had free time but of course, things were different with Minseok. Things between you and Minseok were still fresh so him visiting would be difficult.

"How is he?"

Chanyeol cleared his throat, "He's happy, Y/N. Really happy," he let his words hang in the air for a few minutes, "but he misses you."

"I miss him too."

Life was messy but this was one of the first steps.

As you watched Chanyeol cover the multitude of scars on your legs, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

Not only would Jongin not have to face the past but neither would Minseok. While Minseok wouldn't see your scars as often as Jongin, just the fact that the marks he helped heal were covered, you hoped would help him.

You liked the change the tattoos on your thighs and arm had brought so you decided to have a little more change.

When you visited home for your spring break, you decided to visit your friend Kat before you went home.  

You hadn't seen much of her during your other visits home so she was shocked to see you but even more shocked when you said, "Cut it, cut it some way different than it is and dye it. I don't care what color."

Taking one look at your tattoos, she pushed you down in the salon chair and ran a hand through your hair. "It's a little early for a mid-life crisis."

"Just do it."

She gave you a shade of red hair that only Chanyeol would be happy about and a haircut with edgy bangs.

Which almost sent Jongdae into a shock when you surprised him at work. "Y/N? I almost didn’t recognize you," He said with a cracked voice. You gave him a smile and he embraced you. "We weren't expecting you home until tomorrow," he said as he pointed to Jongin's office.

"I've come to surprise you."  

Petting your hair gently, he gave you a cat-like smile. "Well, it is a nice surprise. But," he looked towards Jongin's office once more, "Why aren't you visiting loverboy first?"

Pulling him to the side, you pulled down the pants you were wearing.

Immediately his hands flew to his eyes and he was protesting. "What are you doing? Jongin will murder me."

You groaned and pulled his hands from his eyes, "Firstly, I'm wearing shorts under my pants asshole. Secondly, you've seen me naked before."

He pointed at you, keeping his eyes from looking down, "Never voluntarily, I might add. You've never just taken your pants off in front of me."

"Dae, I have something to show you," you whined.

Drawing his gaze back down to your legs, you slightly hiked up the black shorts you had been wearing underneath your pants so that most of your tattoo was on display. Thankfully, you locked his door when you came in and that Jongdae had curtains in his office or someone may think you were doing something scandalous.

Jongdae gasped and reached his hand out at the tattoo you had gotten a few weeks ago. "Y/N," he said in awe. "You're... it's... beautiful," he sounded out of breath and you were certain you could see tears forming.  

"Don't go soft on me now."

Waving you off with his hand, he reaches out to your right thigh and his finger traces a scar as if he remembers exactly when you got it – and you thought maybe he did, as his fingertip ran over your skin. "I've always been soft for you; Shut up."

Once he finally pulled away, you pulled up your jeans and gave Jongdae a gentle hug. "Thank you for all you've done."

Jongdae shook his head and wiped away a stray tear. "My eyes betray me," he whined. "I'm just happy. I feel... at peace."

"I guess this tattoo was more than just something for Jongin," you said.

He nodded, "Sometimes me and Minseok pretended to be stronger than we were."

"I'm sorry," your gaze dropped down to your feet but Jongdae was quick to grab your chin and lift your head back up.

"Don't ever apologize. We wouldn't change it for the world. You were the best thing in our lives at that point. You knew we weren't always gentlemen. We were all roped into drugs, girls, and lies at that time. Stupid teenage boys. But Minseok? He always watched out for you and knew you needed us – just as much as we needed you. In the process of saving you, I think we saved ourselves."

The thought of Minseok had your heart fluttering and breaking at the same time. Jongdae must have caught this because he put an arm around you and sighed. "I know you wanted us to be together," you trailed off, looking at the bookshelf in his office that was filled with stuffed animals and visual novels. Jongdae tightened his hold. You didn't want to bring up the past as every day you were trying to still move on from it. It didn't help that the longer you went without your best friend, the more paintings you couldn't finish because a lot of them started with you shaping the curve of his jaw but your mind couldn't remember any other features of his face.

"I did. I've never seen Minseok look at someone the way he looked at you but I guess I hope he'll find someone else he can look at like that because you did. I definitely didn't see you with Jongin after all we had been through but I can truly say now that I've never seen a love so real, so raw, and so destined. He screwed up by treating you the way he did but he's trying to repent. He's doing it, Y/N. It seems that since you have left, he's getting better," he ruffled your hair gently, "and it looks like so are you."

"And Minseok?" You asked knowing you shouldn't ask about him, especially since you had already heard from Chanyeol.  

Jongdae rubbed his lips together a few times before speaking. "He's watching you from the sidelines, just as he did all those years while we grew up. You may not notice it the way you didn't then, but Minseok is always looking out for you – as he always did."

You leaned against Jongdae. "Before Hani passed, did he watch me then?"

A small laugh escaped him, "I said always, didn't I? We've knowing Jongin nearly the same amount of time you've known him and while you never noticed us, we knew all about you. Do you remember the time you passed out during gym class when you were in sixth grade?"

Squinting your eyes, you tried to remember.

"It was a rainy day and since we normally had Strength and Conditioning class that day, we sat in on your class because the track was too slick for us to do our normal runs."

Ah.

Gym class was your least favorite and that was made worse when a majority of the class voted to play volleyball.

As if your day could get any worse.

You didn't have people you talked too much in your gym class and mostly because you liked to keep to yourself if it didn't involve Hani or Jongin. Everybody lacked the shine that Jongin had – they were all lackluster beings in your mind.

To make matters worse, the eighth grade Strength and Conditioning class would be joining the game and that made you want to hide in the locker rooms until your next class. Not that there was anything wrong with that class, but it was a class filled with boys who probably took gym class a little too seriously.

But your grade depended on it and if you missed one more class period, you would probably be forced to retake the whole course and you had no interest in that.

You tried your best at volleyball. Sticking towards the back with a few of your peers that you were comfortable being around although, in the moment, they were getting increasingly irritated with you as you continued to fail in stopping the ball from touching the ground.

Not only had you twisted your wrist from trying so hard, but you were also dizzy since you hadn't eaten a single thing. It was a bad habit to forgo breakfast but you figured that it would help you maintain a figure similar to Hani's. She was perfect. A mix of thin with the right angles to her body that a man typically drooled after and you were just awkward. Still not blossomed into a teenager and with disappointing proportions.

Mix together not eating and playing a sport and you have a dangerous concoction.

The moment the ball smacked into your head, you groaned out and fell to the ground. Faintly, you heard your name being called out and you felt warm hands all over your body.

"I'm going to kill you, Chanyeol,” was the lastthing you heard before going fully unconcious.

"He kicked Chanyeol's ass," Jongdae said with a chuckle. "He may be taller than Minseok, but Minseok is strong and he gave Yeol a huge black eye. Not before carrying you to the nurse's office."

Looking at Jongdae, you stared into his eyes, "He carried me to the nurse's office?"

He nodded, "He didn't leave until he was certain you were okay but he left before you knew he was even there in the first place."

If you had known Minseok was your guardian angel for all those years, would you have fallen for him then? Would you have gotten over Jongin and tried a life with Minseok?

The thought made your stomach twist.  

You didn't have all the answers but you did know that Minseok was your best friend and even if things were complicated and you didn't have it all figured out, you still needed his comfort sometimes.  

"I'm going to go now," you whispered even though nobody but Jongdae could hear you. "Don't tell Jongin I visited, I'm going to surprise him."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

You waited for Jongin for a few hours. After you unpacked some of your stuff for your two-week spring break, you changed from your jeans to the shorts you wore underneath and one of Jongin's shirts. The smell wrapped around you liked a blanket and made your heart pound against your chest.

What if he didn't like the tattoo?

The second Jongin opened the door, his eyes landed on you as if he knew you were there.

"Did Jongdae tell you?" you huffed.

He laughed and dropped his suitcase, walking over to you and engulfing you in his arms. "Your car is in the driveway."

Cursing to yourself, you couldn't help but laugh at how stupid you had been.

Jongin pulled you into a gentle kiss as his arms encircled your waist. "I missed you."

Nuzzling into his chest, you smiled. "I missed you too."

"You're wearing my shirt," he commented and you could practically hear the smirk on his face.

"Technically, we're married so it's my shirt too."

Jongin moaned, "Say that again."

"It's my shirt too."

You could feel his glare as you stayed nuzzled into him, "Not what I meant."

"We're married," you whispered. "You're my husband and I'm your wife."

He pulled you into another kiss before lifting you into a bridal hold and carrying you up the stairs and off to your bedroom. The moment he laid you down on the bed, his eyes glanced at your legs. "Woah," he said as his eyes grew wide. He slid his hands down to your thighs, running his fingertips across the skin. "What... when... how... what?"

You watched as his eyes and fingers trailed over the newly marked skin. "It's a tattoo," you teased.

He glared up at you for a moment, "I know that, but I'm shocked that it's here."

You shrugged, "It was time for a change. Chanyeol did it."

Jongin smiled. "Wow, I love it. He did a good job..." Jongin trailed off. "He didn't have to see you naked for this did he?" He raised a brow, pushing your shorts up where the tattoo went higher.

Rolling your eyes, you gave Jongin a kick. "Don't be ridiculous. I had underwear on."

"Only underwear?" His voice screeched.

You yanked Jongin up towards you, "Oh stop. You're my husband, remember?"

He dropped himself down on top of you and between your tattooed thighs. "That's right. I'm your husband," Jongin's eyes were glassy as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"What is it?"

"Not seeing all of those marks on you and just seeing those flowers really makes everything seem like it's okay. I hurt you but the fact that you covered it up, means that you want to forget it just as much as I wish I could."

You pressed a kiss to his nose. "It is okay. This is my way forgiving you and my way of giving peace to those around me."

He gave you a look. "Is it for him too?"

He didn't have to say Minseok's name for you to know that Jongin meant him. You shrugged. "Mostly for you. You're the most hurt by it. Minseok was never so hurt by my scars but I guess some of it is for him in a way. The marks that he healed are covered so maybe we can get over what drew us to each other and work on being good friends. I just want you to all know that no matter how rough things get, I will never hurt myself again."

Jongin smiled. "Thank you for the tattoo. It's beautiful and thank you for forgiving me. I love you."

"I love you too," and as Jongin held you and the two of you basked in silence for a while, you knew you truly meant it. You were deeply and passionately in love with Jongin. The past was something that you were all in the process of moving on from and it seemed the more you all stayed apart, the better everything got.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to take some time away from them to heal – and that's exactly what you were all doing.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

After your spring break, you didn't see Jongin for a while. The three months you had of a summer break were spent vacationing with Chanyeol and Sehun who were living there dream by tattooing across the country. They asked you to come along since they loved your artwork and often begged you to draw something up for you - which wasn't common among tattoo artists so you took their offer. It wasn't often an artist who was used to working on canvases and paper got the chance to have their pieces be put on something a little more permanent.

Jongin understood when you decided not to come home and the two of you kept in touch constantly. Video chatting and texting so much that Sehun was constantly making gagging noises. Especially when he looked over your shoulder and saw how your and Jongin's texts were more racy than normal – but what could you do? The two of you still had yet to be physical and while you were okay with waiting, you and Jongin had pent up sexual tension from all the years of loving each other.

Minseok was still not speaking to you so even though your heart screamed out for you to message him, you didn’t. Nobody even brought him up and you decided to stop asking.

Did he go home for the summer? Would he see Jongdae who was the other person he was that close to besides you? Or had he found someone new to take care of?

You didn't have much time to think about it though since Sehun and Chanyeol were constantly by your side since you guys were traveling in an RV. Sure, it wasn't small but it wasn't that big either and the confined spaces made it where there were no secrets between the three of you. You didn't have to tell them you were thinking of Minseok for them to know and whenever they noticed, they would redirect your attention.

"When are you getting a girlfriend, Chanyeol?" You whined when he ended up sleeping in your bed, cuddled into your side on a night he had drunk a little too many wine coolers.

Chanyeol pushed your arm harder than he intended and you landed on the floor. Glaring up at him from the floor, he gave you a sheepish smile and shrugged. "Oops?"

"Park Chanyeol!" You yelled as you sat and raised a fist at him making Chanyeol flinch away. "Get out of my bed."

He pouted, "But you're soft and I need a cuddle buddy."

"Cuddle with Sehun or I don't know, maybe get a girlfriend or boyfriend."

Sehun groaned, "Can you dicks shut up so I can drive in peace? I have a migraine from your arguing.

It turned out that you and Chanyeol were like brother and sister and were always at each other throats one moment, and making up the next second. Even if you complained about Chanyeol ending up in your bed, you didn't always mind because sometimes you needed it.

You snarled at Sehun and crawled back into bed, sighing as you let Chanyeol cuddle into you.

"I don't want to date," Chanyeol whispered.

"Why?" You said as you turned towards him.

He let out a shaky breath, "First of all, we're on the road-"

"I mean from home, Chanyeol. Find someone from the area we live in."

"My ex-girlfriend is haunting me. Like I loved her a lot Y/N."

You frowned as you felt yourself soften. "Oh, Chanyeol. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make you feel better about that and I can't give you any advice on how to get over it... since well, you know."

He nodded. "Even Minseok is no help-" he covered his mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm really trying not to bring the two of you up to each other."

"It's okay," you said as you tried to push thoughts of Minseok from your mind. "I think the best thing you can do is move on. If there is no chance to salvage the relationship, move on. If you can't live without her, go after her, be her friend. But if you can live without her, I think you should."

Chanyeol looked at you from under his lashes, "Is that help for me or Minseok?"

You patted his hair gently. "For both of you."

Chanyeol sighed and cuddled into you, making you giggle at the giant man being cuddled into you. "Doesn't distance just make the heart grow fonder?"

Thinking of Minseok, you groaned and cuddled into Chanyeol too. "Sometimes having a heart at all messes up everything."

And with that said, you and Chanyeol fell asleep.

Throughout the trip with the boys, you grew even closer than you already were and this made for nights of the three of you sprawled out on your tiny bunk bed. Normally you had Chanyeol's elbows or knees digging into you and Sehun's head pressed into your side but even though it was uncomfortable, it brought you a lot of comfort. You weren't older than them, but you felt a responsibility for them and you cared for them like little brothers. In turn, the treated you like a baby sister and even if you fought constantly with Chanyeol, he would always make you food when you weren't feeling well or he would carry you to bed whenever you fell asleep on the couch of the RV.

At first, you thought maybe they were good to you because of what you had between you and Jongin, but you learned quickly that they had developed to love you on their own despite what Jongin and Minseok felt for you.

Sehun admitted to having a crush on you for ‘like two weeks’ and Chanyeol admitted to hitting you with the volleyball in gym class all those years ago.  

It was bittersweet and you found yourself having regrets that you hadn't realized they were around all those years ago. Maybe if you had, you all could have been a family from the get-go. If only in that time you had seen more than just Jongin but just like you thought of often, that would have changed the course of your life. There were ups and downs, worst and best moments throughout the journey you had taken but you wouldn't change it. Every tear, cut, and heartbreak had brought you to where you were now.  A stronger woman with a group of boys around you that never ceased to care for you.

Hani would have been proud and while there were days when you prayed and cried to have her back, deep in your heart you knew she was where she was supposed to be. She was the wind, the sunshine, and the song of the birds.  You had to live your life out the best you could for her and that meant no more regrets so more than you prayed to have her back, you prayed that you would take advantage of every moment and live with no regrets.

When the summer had faded and the three of you returned to your apartment nearby your college, you knew you would have to say goodbye to them for a short time. They would return to your hometown for a while and work in the shop they owned together there. Inevitably, you would be alone until Halloween – which you would only see Chanyeol and Sehun for a few days at that point. After that, you wouldn't see all the boys including Jongin until Thanksgiving.

Last year through the holidays, Minseok didn't come home.

In high school, you, Minseok, and Jongdae never missed a single holiday together but you guessed things were different now. Just as you had left for two years and didn't even call them on the holidays, Minseok might be doing the same. It still felt odd to see a chair waiting for him that was never filled and presents that he never came for. Even if nobody liked to bring him up, Jongdae assured you that Minseok would get your gifts and cards.

You had high hopes that he would be home this time.

It was the first time that you were all finally a family. You had grown closer to the people you once saw as monsters who changed Jongin and you wanted Minseok to see how you had changed – but it had been over a year since you had last talked to him and the last text message you had from him was one of him asking for space before you had fully fallen back for Jongin.

It was your second year of school and you were happily on schedule to graduate a year early since you had taken general education courses at your last college. All you had to get through was this year, and one school year after and you would be set. You would be free to return home and by that point, you hoped Jongin and Minseok would be free too.

You had made a couple of friends but nobody compared to your family back home so most of the time you stayed home and watched movies over skype with Jongdae like the way you had in high school – just minus Minseok.

"Stop whining Jongdae, they'll get back together by the end of the movie," you said to him one night when the two of you were watching a chick flick. Your eyes glanced over at your computer to see him rubbing his face with his hands.

He was currently complaining about the main couple of the movie and how they had just broken up. "I don't see why It's so hard to admit that they love each other. Why are they breaking up when they love each other?" He whined.

You scoffed but then felt your heart clench. Your hand touched it over your chest and you tried to focus on the movie. "Love isn't all black and white, Dae. There are gray areas."

You saw the way he shifted on the couch of the house he had once shared with Minseok. "You're right," he nodded. "I guess I haven't been in love yet."

"And you never will be wearing clothes like that," you heard Baekhyun tease in the background.

His head appeared in the corner of the screen and you gave all your attention to your laptop. "Baekhyun!" You shouted, excited to see his bright smile.

"Hey, cutie. See Jongdae, look how cute she's dressed even if she's just staying in the house and watching a movie with your boring ass. How are you?" He asked you and peered at the screen as if he was really looking into your eyes.

Baekhyun was a lot of fun and you found yourself getting along with him better than you imagined. He had visited you a few times, brought you flowers and talked to you about art. He was interested in photography so the two of you eventually grew to do things together – mixing your art in ways that created breathtaking pieces. Baekhyun also had a crush on someone he had met but he had yet to tell you who and even though you were mad that he wouldn't tell you, you still gave him tips on how to woo her.

Pointing at Baekhyun's face, you laughed. "Actually, I'm not wearing pants but thanks for the compliment."

Baekhyun's mouth opened and then he shut it as he burst into laughter. "Neither is Jongdae." Jongdae started whining and protesting as Baekhyun grabbed the laptop and faced it towards Jongdae's lower half, showing in full glory Jongdae's boxers that had cats on them.

You covered your mouth as you tried not to laugh too loudly and watched as Jongdae smacked Baekhyun away.

And then there were the nights you skyped with Jongin, doing silly things like eating dinner together over video call and complaining about not being able to hold each other.

Most importantly, he smiled more.

"Did you get a good grade on the project you did last month?" He asked as he sat at the kitchen table with ramen in front of him. You couldn't help but stare at him and the way his white dress shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbow and showed off the veins that traced their way up his arms. He started waving at the camera, "Hello, earth to Y/N."

You jumped and looked at his face. "What?"

He narrowed his eyes and moved his face closer to the camera. "Do you ever listen or just stare at me?"

You rubbed your chin, "I'll go with the former."

He rolled his eyes playfully but your eyes snapped down to his lips. Something about Jongin's lips always got you. The way they were so perfect and pouty- "Stop staring at my lips, you can't kiss me anyway."

A pout made its way on your lips. "A girl can dream."

"Soon, my love. Soon. You'll be home for Thanksgiving and there is no way I'm letting you out of my sight. I'll force you to stay in bed with me for the whole week."

Jongin always knew the words to get to your heart. You smiled and tried to push away the hopes of seeing Minseok. "So what were you asking before?"

He moved away from the camera to his food again and nodded, "Did you get a good grade on your project last month?"

The project was revolved around something that made you who you were today so of course, you focused your painting on Hani.  

Jongin revealed to you that he had kept the sketching you made all the years ago of him, you, and Hani at the river when you had gone home for spring break. The moment he showed it to you, you broke down and Jongin found himself crying too. Your hands shook every time you touched the sketching but even though, you used it as inspiration for your art.

Hani's portrait was the outline and in between the lines and curves of her face, you remade the sketching you had made all those years ago. You painted it with watercolors and blurred some of the places that were dotted with water in the original sketching and once it was finished, it was one of your favorite pieces – even if it made you cry every time you looked at it.

You gave him a smile. "They want to show it in the showcase this winter." Even though you smile, you were shaking. It made you nervous to show a piece of art that was so close and personal but at the same time as an artist, every piece of work ended up being personal.

Jongin's face lit up, "Are you serious? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I'm debating if I'll do it."

He shook his head, "You have to. Hani would be so happy."

"It's just hard sometimes still, you know?" You said softly.

Jongin put his utensils down. "I know but if you never try to push your comfort zone, it won't ever get easier."

"You're really embracing your therapy."

His lips turned up. "I'm learning a lot. You should consider going. Therapy can help anyone – even those who think they are over everything."

"You're right. I think we could all use a little therapy. I'm glad you're getting help though, you look happier."

"I am. Now all I need is you home with me."

"Two more years to go." Jongin looked at you with a sad expression but both of you knew that this was for the best. The time you were taking to love yourselves and change yourselves was the only way for things to get better.

One day, Jongin would look at you without his heart breaking.

One day, Jongdae and Minseok wouldn't be afraid of you hurting yourself.

One day, you would stand on your feet without being held back by the past.

It was just a matter of time.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

By your second Thanksgiving home, you had fallen into a routine and you had started to find comfort in the way life was now.

But you couldn’t accept the fact that the days leading up to Thanksgiving were filled with you waiting and anticipating for Minseok to come home.

Every car you heard passing down the street or every time you heard the doorbell, you hoped it was him.

It never was.

The day of Thanksgiving, you spent all day cooking with Kyungsoo, Yixing, and Junmyeon. It was nice to spend time with them but you longed for your best friend.

Baekhyun was perched on one of the counters next to you, singing to you as he continued to dip his finger in the batter for the muffins you were working on.

Jongin and Jongdae were working on some financials to get them out of the way for the short break.

Sehun and Chanyeol were playing video games in the living room.

You could almost feel complete with a household buzzing with life but a home was never home without your best friend. You would always love him as a best friend and while you had completely committed yourself to Jongin, part of you would always love him as more than that.

A few times you brought up the topic to Jongin for fear that it wasn't normal and you felt bad about keeping a secret from him. Jongin reassured you that you would never fully get over Minseok and that was okay as long as Jongin was the one you wanted to be with. And he was. You knew Jongin would always love Hani too but he loved you more – just as you loved Jongin more than Minseok.

As you were stirring, you heard the doorbell ring throughout the house and you got so excited that you dropped the spoon in the bowl splattering some of the mix onto Baekhyun's pants - him yelling in protest. You rushed to the door with glee ignoring the whining man. He came. He came after all.

But when you opened the door and saw your smiling parents, you sighed in disappointment. "Hey, sweetie!" Your mom greeted. You gave them a half-hearted hug as you led them into the living room to relax while you cooked dinner.

"Chanyeol, Sehun, can you guys keep my parents’ company?" You asked as you tried to hide the disappointment in your voice.

Having spent three months together in an RV, Sehun and Chanyeol sensed your mood immediately and snapped their heads towards you. "Yeah... sure... of course," Chanyeol said as his eyes searched your face.

You waved him off. "Thanks. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me guys. Dinner should be done in thirty minutes."

Jongdae almost crashed into you in the hallway but stopped himself by grabbing your shoulders. "Sorry, Y/N. We're just about finished and I was coming to see how dinner was coming along."

You gave a shrug and turned to walk away but Jongdae spun you back around and looked at you.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Jongdae let go of you and crossed his arms over his chest, "You're a shit liar."

You looked at him from the corners of your eyes. "I was waiting for Minseok."

Jongdae's face dropped. "He's not coming."

"Oh," you nodded slowly and repeated what Jongdae said in your head a few times.  

He opened his mouth to speak but you just shook your head.

"It's okay. I get it."

Once you had returned to the kitchen and ignored the worried looks you got from the other men, you helped them finish cooking and set everything up on the large kitchen table you and Jongin had upgraded to so you could fit all nine men, plus a few extras.

Jongin was at your side just as you were putting a dish of mashed potatoes on the table and he wrapped an arm around your waist. "He'll come home eventually."

"Yes," you said but you weren't so sure anymore. Minseok might be gone for good and even though it had only been a year and a few months, you missed him. You weren't going to push Minseok though or even get mad since you had spent two years away from him the same way Minseok was doing – but at least he had told you what he was doing whereas you had up and left.

Maybe Minseok was out of your life for good – maybe he didn't want to be back around you and if that's what made him happy, you would accept it. You were no longer relying on him anymore – although, that didn't mean that you weren't allowed to miss him.

The boys, your parents, and you all went around saying what you were thankful for and most commonly out of everyone's mouth was family because that's what you all were now. Even if Minseok's chair was empty where it was across from you, you were all still family.

It took stress and tragedy to bring all of you together but even so, the relationships you had built were beautiful and filled with life.  

Some may argue that being apart from someone would make you grow apart, but being away from your loved ones, only made everything stronger.

Even if Minseok didn't come home you were growing closer to the other boys and they helped fill the void.

⇻☆☆☆⇺

The rest of the year went off without a hitch. You went back to school and showcased your painting of Hani after your Thanksgiving break.

All the boys had shown up to the art showcase your college held – all apart from Minseok but you hadn't expected him to show in the first place. Not only did you not send him an invitation, but he yet to message you and you were going to patiently wait for the day to come before you talked to him. He had to come to you when he was ready.

While your piece didn't win first place, it placed near the top and in honor of that, Chanyeol and Sehun treated you and the boys to dinner.

You had decided to give the painting to Jongin since he was the reason it happened and you swore you could see the tears well in his eyes when you did.

After that passed, and the year drifted into the next, you had another project to work on and this one was inspired by the best friend you had craved so much.

His face seemed gone in your memory as if he didn't exist, so you had your parents pull out old photo albums and send you pictures of you and Minseok together.

Using the photos as your only reference, you tried your best to reminisce on the way his face curved and the way his eyes looked.

After weeks of frustration, you turned the painting into one like you had made for Jongin. You used your tattoos as inspiration and you used the flowers and leaves to make the shapes of Minseok's face. It took months but since the painting was for your final in your art class, it wasn't due until May.

Each day you worked at it, trying to perfect the flowers where the replicated Minseok's face in a way that was elegant but also somewhat private. From far away, the painting looked like a bundle of flowers but up close, you could make out the shape of his facial features.

Valentine's day rolled around and while you didn't get to come home for it, Jongin had shown up, dozens of flowers in his hands.

You nearly melted into a puddle on the floor.

Not only did he take you out to dinner but he had brought you something to wear to dinner.

Since you had a friend that you had met in art class who did a lot of woodwork, you asked him to make you a wooden ring for Jongin with the flower design you had tattooed on you. The ring came out perfect since the friend had stained it a darker color which made the engravings of flowers stand out more. It wasn't expensive, but you hoped he liked it regardless.  

Apparently, you hadn't been the only one to get a new wedding ring for the other.

Jongin had presented you a brand new wedding ring in a small black box at dinner.

"I didn't need a new ring, Jongin. Mine is perfectly fine," you said as you looked down at the ring on your finger with a big diamond in the middle.  

Jongin raised a brow. "That one's not personalized. This one I had made because I wanted something more special..." You opened the box and looked at the silver colored ring that had several different colored gems dotted around a branch-like wrapping that made up the ring. You looked up at Jongin with soft eyes as you tried not to cry. The ring was stunning. "It's just the ring – no wedding band."

Licking your lips, you put the box back on the table. "Oh," you felt immediately discouraged to put the ring on, so you left your old one on, sliding it up and down nervously.

"Don't say it like that. I plan on giving you the band when we get married."

You gave him a confused looked. "But we are married."

Jongin grabbed your hand, taking your old ring off. "I know but we didn't do it right." He slid the old ring into his pocket, grabbed the new ring box, stood from his seat and bent down on one knee in front of you. "I want to do this right," tears pricked at your eyes. "We have been through hell and back. I haven't always been the nicest and best person for you, but I swear to you from this day forward, I will be the best man for you. I won't hurt you ever again. Once you graduate, will you do me the honor of marrying me again? This time without you crying? This time with a real honeymoon?"

Swiping the tears away, you nodded as you put your hand out. Jongin's hand was shaking as he put the ring on your ring finger. He pulled you up, into a kiss as you cried and heard choruses of cheers and applause around you.

"I just wanted to do everything right this time around."

He wiped your tears away as you nodded, "My turn." You reached into your purse, retrieving the wooden box you had made for his ring and you removed his old wedding ring from his hands. "I won't take your limelight from proposing, but Jongin, will you marry me?"

He looked shocked as he tried not to tear up. You placed the new ring on his finger and he moved his hand around in the light as if to get a better look at it.

"There's no diamonds if that's what you're looking for," you teased.

He shook his head, "No. It's just beautiful. This looks just like your tattoo. How did you find it?"

"I had it made by a friend. I wanted it to be special."

"I revolved your ring design around your tattoo, too," he said as he reached across the table and grabbed your hand. "Thank you."

Jongin's hand on yours sent shivers down your spine. "I can't wait to marry you for real this time."

"Me too," Jongin said with a sigh of relief. "This is going to be the wedding of your dreams so even though it's far off, start planning now. I want everything to be perfect."

⇻☆☆☆⇺

The next summer you spent half by yourself and the other half traveling this time with Baekhyun.

Baekhyun and you had a partnership by combining real-life photos with artwork and you were starting to make a name for yourselves. You guys spent half of the summer traveling the country to get the best pictures you could - one of which was a still life photo of the river where you, Hani, and Jongin had spent your time. Another was the bridge over the river where Minseok and Jongdae had saved your life.

You couldn't help but cry when you had stood in the same spot where you had almost taken your life but even as you did, Baekhyun was there to rub your back and you later found out he had taken pictures of you crying there. While you had been mad at first, those pictures became some of your and Baekhyun's favorites.

The picture showed the raw, unfiltered pain that attempting to take your life left you with. It showed that even though you once wanted to die, you were now so glad you didn’t.

Baekhyun and you had big plans for the photos and you hoped to incorporate them into your art a way that did them justice without being too dark - so when he suggested that you print the picture in black and white and paint around it with colors, you couldn't agree more.

The black and white would show that it was the past and that you were in a dark time when you tried to take your life. The painting around the picture you decided should be showcasing the happiness around you now so you painted the photo on the canvas but instead of your hands cupping your face, your hands were spread up towards the sky as if you were free. Once you finished, you adhered the picture to the middle of the image so that your arms almost pointed to it in a way.

The two of you kept the painting a secret as you decided that you didn't want to show it to anyone for a while.  

Afte the summer, your third year at school had finally started and it was your last year.

It was... bittersweet.

You wanted to go home but you were sad to leave the school that had helped you blossom so much. Things between Jongin were amazing and when you visited him, he didn't look at you like he was afraid of breaking you anymore. His eyes were full of life and he smiled more than he frowned.

It felt good to have this 'engagement' period that you had never gotten with Jongin in the first place. Like he said, you were doing things right this time. Your wedding wouldn't be filled with angry tears and glares but happy tears and looks of love.

Nobody around you would understand the true meaning of it besides the two of you and your friends but it didn't matter. The wedding wasn't for everyone else the way the last one was, this wedding was for the two of you.

Wedding planning was in full swing all while you tried to focus on passing all of your final courses and filling up your portfolio.  

You didn't have much time to think let alone worry so Minseok had been the last thing on your mind. He still had yet to talk to you so you were beginning to accept that maybe alongside other things you left in the past, maybe he would be left there too. The scars were covered so it helped you not be constantly reminded of him.

Your third thanksgiving while in college came and while it would still be special, your parents were on a vacation so they would be missing out on eating with you. It didn't bother you too much because you decided they needed some healing too. You couldn't imagine the pain they suffered over losing one of their daughters. Sure, losing a sister was life-altering and one of the worst things you faced, but you couldn't imagine losing your child. Especially when Hani was so young. They needed this vacation.

Things seemed the same as the last holiday. All the boys had found a way to make it home and all decided on staying in your and Jongin's house. You would have liked the privacy but things between you and Jongin still had yet to get intimate so you knew you really didn't need the privacy. You weren't pushing him and you thought maybe it would be best to save the first time for the wedding night.

Baekhyun was singing loudly as you put a pumpkin pie in the oven – so loud to the point where when he reached a high point, you were shocked and you jumped, burning yourself on the oven door. "Ah!" You yelled as you yanked your hand back.

He stopped singing and rushed over to you as you heard Chanyeol throwing his controller down and running into the kitchen at lightning speed. "Baekhyun, what did you do?" he demanded as he rushed over to you and pushed Baekhyun out of the way.

Yixing hurried for the first aid kit while Kyungsoo put the pie in the oven the rest of the way and shut the door and Junmyeon stared at you with worry,

"I didn't do anything."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, "It's your singing. It makes everyone nervous."

Baekhyun lifted his fist back and Kyungsoo glared at him until Baekhyun laughed nervously and lowered his fist. "You could have gotten her hurt a lot worse," Chanyeol complained as he pulled you over to the sink and placed the burn on your hand under cold water.

You whined and squirmed underneath the cold water.

"Hold still, Y/N. I'm trying to help."

"Yeol, it burns," you whined back as the cold water rushed onto the burn.

Yixing came back with the first aid kit and pulled you away from Chanyeol. "I got it from here, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol put his hands on his hips. "I spent three months with her in an RV, I can take care of her just fine."

Sehun scoffed from the doorway of the kitchen. "You spent three months driving her mad."

"And you didn't?" Chanyeol quipped with a raised eyebrow.

Kyungsoo groaned and put his hands over his ears. "Do they ever shut up?"

Junmyeon, you, and Yixing all answered "No" at the same time, making everyone laugh.

It was short lived as Yixing sprayed something on your burn, making you yelp and everyone went silent. "Y/N is fragile. We need to remember that when we're around her. No, distracting her around hot objects."

"Or sharp ones!" Sehun added.

Your head snapped over to look at him, "Don't you dare bring that up!"

"If it wasn't for me, you'd still have that fork stuck in your ass cheek so don’t snap at me, sass-ass," he huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest and raised his chin.

You clapped your free hand over your face as it grew red and everyone started laughing again.

"It was Chanyeol's fault!" You protested. "He always crawled into my bed and ate food late at night so when I went to bed one night – after a near fist fight with Chanyeol because he was wearing my shirt, I jumped into bed and felt the worst pain I ever felt. Don't mess with forks, they're no joke."

"Why are forks no joke?" a familiar voice asked from the doorway and everyone grew quiet. Your eyes snapped back towards the doorway and when you saw Minseok, you swore it was a dream.

All the boys started hollering with excitement while Yixing continued to bandage you and watch you with worried eyes. They all took turns hugging him and by the time Yixing had finished, everyone stopped hugging him and the two of you stared at each other.

The boys were quiet as they watched you and Minseok with concerned gazes.

Tears formed at the bottoms of your eyes despite you begging them not to. "You came."

"I did."

How did he manage to look so different but yet the same? His hair was deep black, darker than it had been before, his cheeks were red, and his skin was nicely tanned. He looked like he had been taking care of himself so that made all the anger you sometimes felt, go right out the window. He must be happy. Why would he come back then? Were you allowed to hug him? After all this time?

Minseok offered you a small nod of encouragement, "It's been a while," he opened his arms for you and you looked around. Everyone turned their gaze away from you and made busy with whatever was near them. Kyungsoo rearranged forks and spoons, Yixing put the first aid kit back together, Junmyeon looked around the room like he needed to find something, Sehun and Chanyeol ran back to their game, and Baekhyun went back to singing.

Standing up with shaky legs, you made your way over to Minseok. You watched his dark eyes the whole time and you couldn't help but cry. The moment his arms wrapped around you, you broke down. He held you tightly, engulfing you in his warmth. Minseok would always be the key in your life. He would always be the missing piece no matter who you had around you.

"I missed you," he whispered in your ear.

You sobbed so loudly that you were sure Chanyeol and Sehun heard you from the living room. "I missed you."

"I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner-"

You shook your head as you nuzzled into his neck. "Don't. Don't apologize. I just want you happy." Your word were distorted from your sobs but you were certain Minseok understood you. He had to distinguish your anguished cries many times in the past.

He rubbed your hair, "Please stop crying. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I just missed you, Minnie. That’s all."

He let out a shaky breath, "It was so hard to stay away."

You stopped yourself from asking him not to stay away then. You couldn't ask that of him. "I know," you said instead as you tried to stop your crying.  

Slowly, you peeled yourself out of his arms and wiped the tears away.

"Thank you for coming to dinner. We saved you a seat."

Minseok smiled as he joined the other boys and tried to make himself helpful.

You stood towards the back of the kitchen, watching the boys working on dishes for dinner so you hadn't noticed when Jongin came up next to you. "Now, it feels right, doesn't it?"

You jumped at his voice but sighed and leaned on him when you looked at him. "Now everything seems right," you agreed.

"Everyone thought he wouldn't come. They assumed he wasn't going to come back anymore. I think they were all as shocked as you," Jongin said as he kissed the top of your head.

"Why do you think he came?"

Jongin shrugged. "Maybe he decided he can't live without you. Love or no love."

"I was learning to cope with it but I'm glad to see him again. I feel bad for everything I put him through relationship wise. I pressured him into a lot of things that caused us both just as much hurt as he was worried about. I wish I could undo it," you admitted.

Jongin gave you another kiss as he pointed at Minseok laughing with Baekhyun. "I think he's happy though. Look at him. You're too hard on yourself. You made a few mistakes, but we all did. Things got messy because none of us were stable and while that doesn't mean it was okay that you hurt Minseok and yourself, it means that you're human. We can't be perfect all the time and we can't fix the times when we weren't perfect. We have to take those experiences and use them for the future. That will stop us from making the mistakes we made in the past. And that's okay."

You looked up at your husband and felt chills course through your body, "Therapy has been so good to you. I can't wrap my mind around how smart and insightful you are."

Jongin scoffed, "I was this way before."

You pucked your lips at him, "Yes, but not this much. Wisdom is a cute look on you," you said as you petted his hair.

"Minnie!" You heard the screeching from the doorway of the kitchen as Jongdae ran into the room with wide open arms, engulfing Minseok in a hug and almost causing Kyungsoo to chop one of his fingers off.  

You and Jongin giggled quietly as you watched Kyungsoo raise the knife at Jongdae. "I will kill you all with no regrets."

Jongdae ignored him and wrapped himself around Minseok the best he could. "I missed you so much."

Minseok laughed and pulled Jongdae off him. "I was just talking to you yesterday."

"But that was yesterday!" Jongdae whined.

Kyungsoo jumped from the whining and lifted his knife again. "I'm seriously killing you in your sleep."

Later in the night, when most of the boys were off playing games with each other, Minseok found you washing dishes in the kitchen.

"Hey," he said as he came to stand next to you, leaning against the counter and rolling up his sleeves. "Let me help."

Minseok rinsed and dried the dishes as you washed them and you guys fell into a few moments of comfortable silence.

You didn't really know what to say to him anymore so you let him break the silence first.

"How have you been?"

You scrubbed at one of the plates in the sink. "I've been good. I went back to school like you suggested. I've had some of my artwork showcased."

He gasped, "Really? At a real art showcase?"

You nodded.

"You never told me."

You froze as you looked over at him. "We weren't really talking. I tried giving you space."

Minseok sighed. "That makes me feel bad."

"No, don't," you said gently as you placed one of the soapy plates on his side of the sink.

He rinsed it slowly as you could feel his gaze on you. "I'm sorry that I haven't been around. I really wanted to be but being away was just better. Not contacting you was the only way I could keep myself from coming back home."

"I get it, Minnie. You don't need to explain yourself. You deserve the freedom. I left you once too, remember?"

Minseok tensed next to you. "But I promised I would never leave you and that I would always protect you. That was my job. That's what I wanted."

"It was time I learned to protect myself. I had to stand on my own two feet eventually. Now look where I am," you laughed as you pointed to your silly apron. "Washing dishes on Thanksgiving with a house full of boys I never thought I'd accept. I love them now. They're family. I even spent one of my summers with Chanyeol and Sehun and the other with Baekhyun. You're my best friend and I want you around but it's finally become less of a need for me and I think that's the start of a healthy relationship between the two of us."

Minseok rinsed another dish you put in his side. "I know. I asked about you constantly. I didn't want to message you for fear of what it might make me do, but I still wanted to know about you. I stopped myself from coming home the other holidays because I needed to prove to myself that I could be around you without being addicted to you and helping you. I came back when I felt like I would feel okay if I didn't come back. The moment it stopped feeling like a necessity, I knew it would be okay."

"A part of me will always be yours, Minseok. I can't change that but I can change how I react to it. I'm going to remarry Jongin and I want things between us to be okay. I'm not going to put pressure on you or do anything the way I did before. I just want to be friends..." You trailed off and you looked up at him. "I want you to be my best man."

The corners of his lips turned up. "Girls don't normally have a best man but okay," he laughed. "I would be honored." He started to rinse another plate. "Part of me will always be yours too, Y/N but you're right. We can change how we react to it. We can manifest it into a healthy thing. Speaking of," he dried his hands for a moment. "Jongdae told me to ask to see your thighs. I don't know why and I yelled at him for being a creep but he swore it wasn't anything like that."

Rolling your eyes, you rinsed your hands and dried them. "Jongdae really can't keep his mouth shut," you started to walk out of the kitchen and gestured for Minseok to follow you.

You led him into a bathroom and removed the jeans you were wearing. Minseok had seen you in your underwear before and after everything the two of you had gone through, you didn't care if he saw you in underwear. This wasn't sexual and you didn't intend for it to be.

Minseok's eyes grew wide the moment he saw your covered scars and his lips upturned into a smile. "Y/N, It's beautiful."

"I wanted something to help Jongin get over the past so maybe it can help you too."

He nodded as he inspected the tattoo. "This is your work, isn't it?"

You smiled. "How did you know?"

His eyes glistened. "I know you."

And even though the mess that was your life, at the end of the day Minseok was still your best friend. Even the through the drama and the distance, he still knew you as if he still saw you every day.

"I'm so glad you did this. Not for me, or for Jongin, but for you. Maybe you were over the scars but I think this can finally bring some peace to you. It affected you that they were there too. But I want you to know I'm thankful that you thought it could bring some peace to me too."

"I can't take back what we did but I can stop it from happening again."

Minseok smiled as he touched your cheek gently. “I’m so proud of how you have grown. If I had to do it all again, suffer through the fear, the love, the heartbreak just for you to get better - I would do it a thousand times over.”

⇻☆☆☆⇺

Minseok coming back into your life felt natural. Like he had never left in the first place. The two of you didn't keep in constant contact but you were thankful for the times you did get to chat with him.

Jongin and you seemed to have a stronger relationship than ever and he didn't seem to be carrying about guilt anymore.

Your time in college started to flash before your eyes and before you knew it, you were graduating once again but this time, you would have a degree in art.

This time, you wouldn't be leaving Minseok and Jongdae behind.

This time, you wouldn't see Jongin watching you from afar.  

You were dressed in an amethyst colored graduation gown with a soft yellow dress underneath. You didn’t feel like you looked stupid this time as you stared at yourself in the mirror before leaving your apartment. You looked like you had it all together and while before you may have had to pretend that you did, this time, you genuinely had it together.  

Three years had gone by and things in your life had changed for the better. You felt confident about returning home and being Jongin’s fiancé even if you were technically married already.  

The artwork you created when you were by yourself turned out to be some of your best and you now had a lengthy portfolio.  

Taking one last look in the mirror, you smiled at yourself.  You wouldn't run away when you graduated his time.  

Jongin was waiting by the front door to your apartment as his eyes scanned the brown boxes that you had started packing with in your living room.  

His eyes found yours and he grinned. “Wow, look at my little graduate.” In his hands was a bouquet of summer flowers. He handed them to you and you took them with a smile.  

“I'm not little but I'll take that in exchange for the flowers,” you winked.  

He wrapped his arm around your waist and led you out of the apartment.  “Are you nervous?” he asked hesitantly as the two of you made your way to the car.  

With a confident shake if the head, you looked up towards the sky. “Not the slightest.” How could you be when the sun was shining at you?  You couldn’t feel an ounce of nerves. The nervous part was when you first left Jongin or when you left Minseok and Jongdae. Once the ceremony was over, you would return home with the three boys you had initially left behind. How could you be nervous about that?

Minseok was still a confusion - even after three years, but it got easier. He decided not to move back with Jongdae and Baekhyun despite Jongdae’s whines. Apparently, he had made a life where he was and he was happy. Could it be that he was still staying away from you? You didn’t think so because Minseok had invited you to stay the night with him and Jongdae a few nights after graduation so you could have one last trip down memory lane.  

The bunch of you were no longer kids. It had been four years since marrying Jongin and you were twenty-four whereas he was twenty-six. Maybe you were still young, but you felt like you were finally blossoming into an adult.  

It was hard to wrap your head around the fact that Hani had been gone for ten years. While you didn’t let it hold you back anymore, there was still a hole in your chest. Things never got better when someone you love dies but it does get easier.  

Even if she wasn’t with you in her physical body, you knew her heart and soul always followed you. You could practically hear every remark she would have made about how she had ‘told you so’ about Jongin.  

You could almost imagine her in the backseat of the car with you and Jongin, humming to herself.  

Jongin must have caught the tears in your eyes because he grabbed your hand while keeping one on the steering wheel. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” you smiled even through a couple of tears that dropped down your cheek. “I just know Hani is with us right now.”

Jongin tightened his hold on you. “Sometimes it's like she never left, isn't it? She had a personality that made her live on.”

You smiled at the pretend Hani in the backseat that your mind had conjured up. “I don’t think she'll ever leave.”

Once you had found a way to stop the tears, you straightened up and prepared to take the stage to get your diploma.  

You shook the hand of the school officials with a smile on your face.  

"Good job, Y/N," the dean said to you as he gave you a firm handshake.

Walking away from them, you turned towards the crowd of people that watched the graduation in front of you. The moment you saw nine pairs of hands waving at you wildly, you felt your heart racing against your chest. Next to them, you could see your parents and Kat giving you soft waves as you made your way down the stage.

Just like in the car, you swore you could see Hani in the empty seat next to your parents and you tried not to cry as you sat with the rest of your class, diploma in your shaking hands.

The ceremony was faster than you expected and the moment you walked out the doors of the auditorium and out into the bright mid-day, you were surrounded and attacked with hugs.

"Guys, she can't breathe," you heard Minseok say from behind the boys and they stepped aside, allowing him to embrace you himself. You looked at him with a pout and tears in your eyes. "You know I wouldn't miss it for the world," he whispered as if he could read your mind.

His warm arms encased you the same way they always had in the past and you could feel everything from the past ten years flash before your eyes. Every moment with Minseok saving your life, bandaging your cuts, holding you when you cried, watching movies cuddled up with him and Jongdae, bringing you flowers on your birthday, and never missing a moment that he could tell you how special you were.

Those were the messy moments and the sweet moments that had led up to where you were now. Here you were graduating and not running away from the past anymore. You had accepted it. Taken the past in and tried to move on from it because running away did nothing but make it chase you faster.

Minseok let go of you and your parents were at your side, peppering you with kisses and sweet words of pride.

Jongin's hand found you and you squeezed it.

"I say we go properly celebrate," Jongin said loud enough for everyone to hear.

You nodded. "Take-out dinner in my apartment with a really cheesy movie," you announced.

Jongdae shouted. "Just like old times!"

"But instead, this is a new beginning," you said as you looked at the family around you.

Losing Hani didn't necessarily mean losing out on love or even family. Losing Hani had brought you an extended family you couldn't even have imagined having. It used to be just the three of you against the world but her passing had brought so many other people to your side to help you face the world with. Just the way she would have wanted, her death had given you a new meaning to life.

Life wasn't always a pathway of light and there were many moments of darkness but Hani was there somehow, leading you back into the light. The loss of Hani led you to eight men who loved you just as much as she had.

And one especially who even through the darkness of his own, still managed to love you.

Jongin may have abandoned you after Hani died but in his heart, he never left you. And in your heart, you never left him.

As you all walked towards your cars, you stared at Minseok. If it wasn't for him watching you all those years, you may have succeeded in ending your life. You wouldn't be here, smiling and freshly graduated with an art degree. Your parents would have been heartbroken and you couldn't imagine how Jongin would have managed to get through it.

Thanks to Minseok, you had the chance to have this new life – the life in the light.

Because of Minseok, you got to love Jongin and in the process of loving him, it saved the both of you.

You thought about the conversation you had with Jongdae. He had said that in saving you, he and Minseok managed to save themselves too. 

Minseok looked back at you as if he knew everything you were thinking. His eyes went straight into your soul.

You were always able to read each other so as he stared at you, you knew he was thinking of the same thing. Even if you created a mess that Minseok and Jongdae had to clean up, Minseok’s expression told you that you saved him too – the same way he saved you all those years ago.

--->twenty-two(final)<---

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