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chaosduckies · 1 year ago

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Restoration (Chapter 6)

I had no idea what to do with this chapter, but it’s going to mostly lead up to something that’s going to happen later on! So mostly a filler chapter just because why not?

Word Count: 5.1k

CW: Slight mentions of suicide, slight trigger warnings, serious overthinking

6-Nathan

A week has passed since that night. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just hugged him. How embarrassed I’ve felt since then. How awkward I feel when I’m near Ryker. Even though he wasn’t at all bothered by it. It hasn’t left my mind. I just feel so embarrassed by it. I mean, we barely knew each other and I just went up and gave him a makeshift hug? Not something people do on an ordinary basis. But still, I haven’t forgotten the way he gently pressed one of his fingers against my back to return the gesture. Somehow I was terrified, but also… grateful? Happy? Whatever the word for it was, it just felt nice.

I spent that entire week trying to talk to him again, but I guess the adrenaline rush was the only reason I could get those few words out to him. Of course, because I can never get anything to work out in my favor. Typical Nathan.

Well, during that week, my mom had taken off from work to be with me, since she’s apparently realized that I’ve “been in and out of it,” This entire week. Which I have, I just didn’t think she’d really notice. But of course she does, because she’s a parent and a nurse. How could she not notice?

She asked me everyday for the past five days after school how everything was going. I would always reply with a smile and say, “It’s good.” Even though in some cases I was lying. Sometimes at school I would stare off into space, not paying attention to anything anyone ever said. Or sometimes when Ryker was talking I would just cave in on myself and ask: Why am I even here? What was wrong with me? Heck, even Ryker has noticed and tried confronting me about it. He told me I didn’t have to answer, and I didn’t. Afraid that I would ruin whatever friendship we’ve made. Or if he even considers us friends. Though, I doubt that was a possibility.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. Ever since that… hug, I’ve been nothing but a mess. Was it the unbelievable act I thought I could never do again? The way I felt about it afterward? Was it the fact that I wanted to talk so bad, but I couldn’t? Mom can’t know about any of this. She’s already heartbroken enough, and I’d hate myself even more if I dropped this bombshell on her. This is why I needed my dad. Even when I was younger I was always timid and shy and I overthought plenty of things. He’d help me by saying that I should put all of those bad thoughts into a jar and throw it far, far away. But that was when I was a kid. What about now?

Mom was really worried about me. I could tell. But I was fine. I think. Probably not. Either way, she called the school counselor in hopes that whatever was going on with me would go away. I knew she hated seeing me so sad. I remember when we were still… trapped she used to try to keep my happy by playing little games, or telling me made up stories. As I grew older she tried her best to keep me from crying, trying her hardest to keep me happy. Even after dad died.

So, this was the week I had started to take counseling after school every Monday and Thursday for forty minutes a day. On top of that, she also contacted Mrs. Kay for whatever reason, and she’s told me that she wants to work with me for at least twenty minutes everyday after class. Great, right? So much for a normal life. I thought I could give it another chance and all of a sudden people are just trying to overwhelm me when I wanted to solve this mystery on my own.

It was a grueling morning. It was raining, hard. Thunder had sounded above the entire city, making me jump. Stupid right? A seventeen year old scared of thunder? I have a good reason. I think. Didn’t matter.

I groaned, forcing myself out of bed. This was going to be a long day. I already knew it. It was raining, mom was passed out on the couch, and my body felt like it was going to give up on me at any moment. And luckily that stupid little project thing was over so I could finally take my regular classes. I just hoped Mrs. Kay wouldn’t assign anything crazy again. She probably would though.

I didn’t bother eating breakfast. Just grabbing my backpack on the way out and making my way to the bus before I was late. Nothing to it. The same routine as the past month.

The school looked as gloomy as ever. Of course it did. It was Monday. The halls were filled with people talking by their class, or running down the hall like there was no tomorrow. Isn’t it too early in the morning to be doing all of that? I was barely waking up. Either way, I went by unnoticed by the crowd of people and made it to class.

I admit it felt weird not having a looming presence above me at all times. Was that a good thing? I have no idea, but it makes me kind of miss the one-sided conversations Ryker likes to start up. I miss it a lot. Even though I never talked, I loved listening. I was so weird. Before all of this mess, I wanted nothing to do with him, and here I am wishing for his company. Why couldn’t I just be normal?

The classes were the same as always. Nothing new to it. Then it was lunch. The time period in school where anything can happen. Especially with that encounter a couple weeks back… I shuddered at the thought, reaching the cafeteria. So many people. Too many people. I forgot how crowded it was being on this side.

Searching for the table I sat at before I had met anyone, I found that it was taken by a group of girls. Nope. Not getting that back. Especially since I know that no one would willingly sit in the far corner. I sighed, searching for a table that was open, and not finding any. Could I just sit with Ryker again? I asked myself. It would be nice, but I don’t think he wants to see me. At least not until last period. I wouldn’t want to be bothered by me either if I were him.

“Boo.” I jumped, catching my breath while Lucky was laughing so hard he starting coughing. I was not expecting that at all. I thought he would just forget about me. Especially since the “project” was over. I just thought I was another name to be remembered once they all graduate.

“Sorry, sorry, but you’re so easy to scare,” He chuckles, “Wanna come sit with us?”

It takes my mind a while to process what just happened, “Wh-who’s ‘us?’”

“Just Ryker and me. Dylan had a basketball game so I’m all alone.” Lucky shrugged casually. Did I want to sit with them? Yes. Of course I do. I was just afraid I might zone out like I have been for the past week. What if I get scared again? What would happen then? They would all drop me and I’d be all alone again…

I was about to shake my head before Lucky grabbed my wrist and guided us through the cafeteria to where Ryker always sits. Away from everyone else… I gulped, seeing him stare bored at whatever was playing on his phone. This was a bad idea. Who told me I could even do this? No one. Lucky just dragged me here. And there was a tiny feeling of gratefulness that he did.

Lucky guided me into the elevator with him. It was silent on the way up, and I couldn’t help but notice the way Lucky looked at me like he was worried. Was it because I kept fidgeting with my hands? Was it because I couldn't look straight ahead? Or was it because he’s noticed something was wrong with me just like everyone else has? Probably the last one.

“Why do… you look nervous?” Lucky had asked before the elevator made that same ding sound it always does. I didn’t take a step forward, and neither did Lucky. Nervous? I have no idea.

“I-um… I don’t know.” I let out a sad chuckle, trying my best to give a genuine smile. Lucky gave a skeptical look, “If I promise not to tell will you tell me?”

Do I trust that? I do. I really, really do. I had no reason not to trust Lucky. Even if I didn’t know what I was so nervous about. I don’t get why everyone was so concerned either! I was a nobody. Just another person trying his hardest to live an impossible normal life. Maybe I should have stayed at the hospital…

“I really don’t know though.” I muttered, looking down at the ground. Lucky gave another skeptical look before guiding me out of the elevator. I still almost ended up tripping over my own two feet per usual. What was going on with me lately?

“Hey Ry.” Lucky greeted, smiling and heading over to watch whatever Ryker was watching on his phone like it was nothing. What was I supposed to do now? I can’t… What? My thoughts were a jumbled up mess. I don’t even know what I was thinking at this point. Does Ryker even want me here? No, no he doesn’t. He’s tired of me. I already know it. Everyone gets tired of me eventually. I’m either “Impossible to deal with,” or, “Not worth the time.” A messed up system, right?

“Hey,” He sighed, his eyes wandering towards me and flashing a soft smile, “Hi, Nathan.”

I didn’t know what to do. Was he acting? It didn’t really seem like it. He also didn’t seem like the kind of person to act in a situation like this. Still, there was no telling. Maybe he just didn’t want to break the news to me like this? Yeah. Most likely.

I raised a shaky hand, giving a wave and a nervous smile in hopes that Ryker wouldn’t catch on. He didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from giving a confused expression as if he was trying to put together a puzzle. Hah. As if you could solve my puzzle. I’ve lost so many pieces it’s practically impossible. I’ve tried to solve it myself many times and failed miserably.

Ryker dragged his attention back to the movie on his phone, looking bored. What was I supposed to do now? We used to watch that hilarious cop show, but I think he only put it on to keep me from being bored and bothering him at this point. Was it all an act? Did he just play along with whatever happened? He didn’t hug me back because he wanted to? He forced himself to do all of those things just so he wouldn’t be bothered? Was I tricked again?

I’m overthinking.

One step at a time. I said I wanted to give life one more chance, so that’s what I’m going to do. Even if this was all some kind of sick act. Even if I get hurt. I sucked in a deep breath, and sat next to Lucky, watching the events on the theater-sized screen in front of me. Usually I sat further back, but I was afraid of being alone at the moment.

Even though I was scared out of my mind, there was also some other kind of feeling lingering in the back of my mind. I felt comfortable. Surprisingly after everything that’s been going on inside my head. I was too used to being around Ryker. That doesn’t mean I was comfortable being around any giant though. I had nearly an entire month of forced contact with him. Of course I’d be more lenient towards him. Especially after he’s made no move in those past four months to imprison me and keep me as some kind of pet or entertainment.

“Bell’s gonna ring.” Ryker grabbed his phone from in front of us, stuffing it back into his pocket and holding his hand palm-up. Why though? We can just take the elevat-

Lucky quickly pulled his backpack on and climbed on, waiting for me to follow. I guess I didn’t have any other choice. Lucky helped me on, and we both managed to fall over on top of each other somehow. Lucky laughed while I hurried to get up, muttering quiet apologies to him.

“It’s nothing. It happens with Angela all the time.” Lucky smiled. Ryker cupped his hand a bit and started walking towards the doors to get out of the cafeteria. Just in time too, because the bell rang and everyone was now rushing to get to class all of a sudden. I stopped looking back, afraid that the panic attack I’ve been fighting back for the past month would suddenly resurface. Nope. Everything will be okay. I think. Hopefully.

Ryker crouched down at the part of the hallway that leads back to the human side of the school, letting us down. He barely even talked to me. In fact, the only time he was even talking to either Lucky and I was when we arrived at the table. Was he okay? I couldn’t tell anymore. I just hope that I’m not the cause.

———Ryker———

Today was not a good day. For more than one reason. One reason being that I had work afterschool today. Another being that I woke up late today due to staying up until about two in the morning because I needed to finish cleaning. And my third reason was the fact that I’m ninety nine percent sure I messed everything up with Nathan.

In the last week of that “project” I noted that Nathan didn’t really seem to be… himself? Of course I barely knew him and he could have something going on at home, but something just felt off. Maybe it was just that one tiny moment that Friday? Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to hug him back? Did I do or say something wrong to upset him? It didn’t really make sense in my head. I thought everything was going good. So why all of a sudden did he seem timid and nervous around me?

It was that entire week. I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted to talk about it. Nathan just shook his head and gave the best makeshift smile he could manage. I knew something was wrong and that it had something to do with me. And today proved it. It seemed like we were back at step one.

Was Nathan okay? I remember asking one time and receiving a shake of his head, but I never once thought if he did it just to answer or if he really meant it. I guess I have my answer now. I don’t know why I was so worried honestly. Maybe because in my brain I pretty much consider Nathan and I friends? I have zero idea if he thinks the same, but I hoped so.

I forced myself through these next grueling classes, waiting for last period. I hadn’t talked to Nathan at lunch because it really didn’t seem like he was up for it at the time. I don’t want to overstep his boundaries either. What if he just wants to be left alone? I have no idea what was going on in his mind as I’ve said before, so that could be a possibility?

Mrs. Kay had nothing being projected on the board today, which meant it was either a free day or it was some kind of lecture on relationships between human and giants. Something that this world apparently is so focused on. I guess that’s a good thing though.

After a couple minutes of waiting, I heard the faint ding noise that comes from the elevator and watched as Nathan stumbled out, figuring out a way to trip once again. I’ve wondered for a while why he had always found a way to trip over thin air, but I could never figure it out. Maybe he was just clumsy? It would make sense, but that can’t be the only reason, right? Still, every time he fell my hand twitched to try and help, but I already knew that would tumble everything downhill. Especially now.

Mrs. Kay had announced that today was a free day since she still had to put in some grades. Would it be overstepping if I asked if Nathan was okay again? Maybe to him, but I was already feeling guilty for being the cause of why he seems so upset.

“Are you finally glad that you don’t have to be carried around by me anymore?” I nervously laughed, hoping for him to answer. Just build up. That was the way to do this.

Nathan turned around, thinking about the question before rotating his hand sideways. Kind of? Honestly, that was expected because even Lucky gets tired of being carried around everywhere. Speaking of… Lucky told me something about Nathan making brownies? I’m pretty sure that was on Friday, I just don’t know when he did. But Lucky and Angela absolutely loved them. And Angela had showed me a new stuffed animal that Nathan had bought for her too. In return, she drew a picture of Nathan with some of her crayons and my heart practically melted.

“Oh, um, Angela has a gift for you. Y’know… for the stuffed animal you bought her?” I smiled. I think it was sweet. I don’t know why he thought he needed gifts though, everyone already thought he was nice already. I guess he just wanted to make sure that no one thought bad of him?

Nathan’s eyes widened and pointed to himself with an unsure look. Was he confused why? I don’t even know why either. I shrugged my shoulders. Nathan brought his knees up to his chest and stared at the ground, deep in thought. Did I do something wrong again? I guess now would be the time to bring up the topic.

“I know you’re probably not going to answer me, and that’s okay! But, do you wanna talk about something? You just don’t… look okay.” I bit the side of my cheek in hopes that he’ll give me some kind of a response. He probably thinks I’m annoying at this point. Even I think I am at this point. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even asked.

Nathan shook his head, putting on a makeshift smile. He was lying. But, if he doesn’t want to talk to me then I won’t force him to. There was nothing I could do. Although, I’m sure a teacher or even his parents would have noticed this. If they haven’t already, then it would be soon. Most likely they’ll just get a therapist or he’ll eventually tell someone about whatever was going through his mind.

The rest of the time was spent asking him how his weekend was. How it felt to be back on his schedule. You know, questions to keep his mind off of things. I think it was working. At least for a little before the last bell of the day rang. I gave a two fingered wave to Nathan, receiving a shaky one back and left the room. I still felt bad.

———Nathan———

Remember when I said today was going to be a bad day? I wasn’t kidding. The one-sided conversation with Ryker helped get rid of the uneasiness of going to the counselors office. But as soon as the final bell rang it all came flooding back. Last period wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not bad at all. Not until that loud bell rang, and the entire classroom rushed to get out.

On my way down the hallway to the counselor’s office, I couldn’t stop thinking about what could possibly go wrong. They might give up on me too. They might tell me to just go home. Or they might send me back to the mental hospital. I mean, it’s not that bad of a place when you don’t have any friends waiting for you, but there were some things that I hated. No contact with the outside world, they make you take these dumb classes to help “calm the mind.” Like yoga or where you would pass a foam ball around and tell everyone your name and what you were there for. I never, ever took part in that exercise.

Sucking in a deep breath, I knocked quietly on the door that read, “Counsellor Office. Mr. Smith” I didn’t exactly know how these kinds of things worked. All I knew is that no one liked them.

“You must be Nathan! Please take a seat. Anywhere is fine.” Mr Smith was a tall man. He look about in his late thirties early forties, but he looked so friendly and calm. His voice was trusting and soft as well. I can’t wait till he starts talking behind my back about how impossible I was.

His office was like any other office I’ve been in. Other than the two different colored bean bags that sat in the corner by a small book case that had a tiny tv above it with movies on the side. This room was nothing like any therapist room I’ve been in. Usually they’re cold and only have a singular couch with magazines about eating healthy and being mentally healthy. Not that those ever helped me.

I decided to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk, fidgeting with my hands the entire time. Mr. Smith walked over to his own chair, taking out a notebook and gave another soft smile.

“Nervous? Most students are when they walk in here,” He chuckled, grabbing a pen, “Do you mind telling me your name and how old you are?” I thought he knew that already.

I opened my mouth to speak, “N-Nathan… I’m seventeen.” Curse the stuttering. Today was already hard enough, why does everything go downhill after I feel good about something?

“Nice to meet you, Nathan. I’m Garrett Smith, thirty-seven years old, and I have a PhD in psychology.” PhD? Then why is he working as a school counsellor? He could be an actual therapist and won’t have to deal with so many kids. This guy was confusing, but I feel somewhat comfortable around him. Even though we met barely three minutes ago.

“Now, your mom was worried about you. She says that you seem to be having more nightmares lately. That you seem more tired and sad lately. Would you wan to start there or talk about something else bothering you?” He asked, waiting patiently for my answer. My heart was racing. What was I supposed to answer? I didn’t even know at this point. I haven’t taken therapy for a couple months now, and usually they started with talking about the excruciating events that had happened while we were kidnapped. Instead, Mr. Smith just wants to start with this? Why was that?

“S-sure.” I nearly squeaked. I never did good at any sort of therapy. I was always too nervous. And then they’d pressure me to answer when I couldn’t. I was afraid that he might do the same.

“Alrighty then,” He tapped his pen on the notebook, “Would you mind telling me when you started feeling this way?”

“Last weekend? I th-think.” I started silently tapping my foot on the carpeted ground. Just another thing I do when I was nervous. Mr. Smith didn’t seem to mind or notice.

“Hm. Did anything… happen around that time?” He wrote something down and I had no idea what it was. Was it bad? Was it good? Did I somehow say too much to get me placed back into the hospital? Please say no. I don’t want to go back there with a bunch of screaming kids throwing the plastic chairs while I was just trying to make some cookies.

“U-um, just this project thing for Mrs. Kay.”

“The project where you spent two weeks with a giant in school?” He asked, his face full of curiosity. I nodded my head, playing with my hands again. I’m pretty sure he wrote that down.

“May I ask who your partner was then?” Oh. Not a question I was too prepared for. I slightly turned to the door, the window peaking inside covered by a piece of cloth. Did it really matter who my partner was? I don’t think it did honestly.

“Ryker…” His eyebrows shot up in shock as he chuckled lightly, “Ryker Stone?” I nodded. I’m pretty sure that was his last name. How did he know who he was though? There was no way he could know all eight hundred people in this school. That seem a bit over-the-top.

“From my understanding, you went to his house last Friday and something happened over there?” I nodded. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have-

“Was it bad thing?” His eyebrows were scrunched up like he already knew what my answer was going to be. Nothing bad happened. It’s just that my thoughts like taking over me sometimes. A lot of times. I make a good situation and turn it into a bad one. I shook my head at his question.

Mr. Smith laughed, “That’s Ryker for you. Not a dull moment with him.” He said it like he knew him personally… maybe he did? I mean he is the counsellor. I just didn’t think he worked with giants as well. So if he knew Ryker… does that mean Ryker knew him? Of course that’s what that meant.

“Back on topic though, I did some looking around on you. I found some… interesting things, but also a record from past therapists. All different notes on you, except for one. That you’re known to overthink situations. Do you think that’s why you’ve been so upset lately? You have a thought on your head from the event that happened?” He wasn’t going to ask what happened? I mean, thank goodness because I don’t think I could answer, but he really wasn’t going to ask me? This guy has a weird way of getting people to open up, but it’s working. It’s working amazingly.

I nodded my head. Ryker doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I knew it was true. I messed everything up that Friday night ruined things between us. The worst part is that I was actually warming up to him. He really did feel like friend even though I was deadly afraid.

“Do you mind telling me what’s been on your mind? It’s alright if you can’t.” He asked softly, already knowing that this might be hard for me. It is. It really, really is. I didn’t want to lose the only friend I’ll ever make in my entire life. Even before I was kidnapped, all of the other kids didn’t bother talking to the shy, timid kid who sat alone by himself at lunch and never had a friend to play with on the playground during school.

Now I was in high school where people still look at me the same way. I didn’t want to lose someone who was so nice to me. Who actually takes the time to talk and hang out with me. Is that what’s wrong with me? I didn’t want to see someone I care about leave me?

That stupid cage had ruined me.

“I-I don’t think Ryker w-w-wants to be around me,” Tears stung my eyes, and I tried my best to blink them away while sucking in a deep breath, “I-I like to think we’re f-friends… but I d-did something stupid and now that this project is over I think he’s just done with me.” A couple tears fell down my face. I wiped them with the back of my sleeve, looking down at the ground. I really didn’t want to lose the one potential friend I’ve made in my entire life.

The room was quiet except when I heard Mr. Smith pass the box of tissues my way, showing a sympathetic face, “You don’t want to lose a friend?” I shook my head, calming myself down before I make this even more embarrassing for myself. I haven’t cried for a while. It felt good for some reason. Too bad I wasn’t going to let it go any further than a couple tears.

“And what if Ryker still wants to be friends? What would you think then?”

That he’ll eventually grow tired of me like everyone else. That it’s only short lived. He’ll eventually forget about me.

“I’d be grateful… but I doubt he’d remember me after graduation.” I sadly answered. Mr. Smith wrote something down, ripping out the page he was writing on and handing me the paper. I grabbed it with shaky hands, looking over the paper. My name, age, things I’ve done while sitting in his office, and some squiggly lines. He didn’t write down questions? No notes on what he should do next?

“I don’t like writing down the questions I ask. I think people would prefer to keep them said and not on paper,” He chuckled, “And as for your tiny piece of advice, you and Ryker aren’t so different, and I doubt he thinks ill of you.” That was it? No other questions? He wasn’t going to pry me open? He wasn’t going to force me to spill my guts to people who didn’t want waste their time anyways? No words could describe how confused and happy I was at the same time.

“Th-that’s it?” I muttered, trying to figure out if he was playing a trick on me or not, but he nodded his head and opened the door for me. I grabbed my backpack, stuffing the sheet of notebook paper in it and walked out of the door.

“Thank you.” I mumbled.

Mr. Smith smiled, “Come anytime you want to talk. Just remember after school on Thursday, okay?” I nodded, thinking hard about how Mr. Smith believes, in all honesty, that Ryker won’t just leave me. He could be right. I just have to trust in his word.

—————————————————————-

Yup. Nathan’s afraid that Ryker will leave him now that their little project is over. I wonder what happens next?

I don’t know how I feel about this chapter. I like and I don’t at the same time. We’ll see. Thank you for reading! Love you guys ❤️

#G/t #g/t writing #g/t community #sfw g/t #giant/tiny #G/t angst #restoration #Oc: Nathan #oc: ryker #Nathan just wants a friend🥺#Yeah i didn’t know what to do #Next chapter will def have something tho #I kind of liked how this one came out???#nvm I don’t #Thanks for the support!

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