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mightbewriting · 4 years

Note

So I came to W&H and B&E in an odd way. I'm a long time Dramione fic reader who like many of us doubled down on in 2020 to find comfort in a bananas year. I kept seeing W&H on everyone's rec list, but for whatever reason kept putting it off. Then I heard about the prequel and decided to wait for that to be finished, read it, then do W&H. But once it was finished, I saw you recommended W&H first so I was like okay I'll do that. I struggle with impulse control but am trying to do better so when I saw the audiobook for W&H I was like perfect, I'll listen rather than read that way I won't gobble it up in a day. Ha well that did not work, I listened to the first 3 chapters (at that time those were the only chapters they had recorded) then instantly ran not walked to A03, reread said chapters, then continued on. At Chapter 4 of W&H, I thought hmm maybe I'll read them simultaneously. I continued that way maybe through Chapter 13 of B&E and Chapter 7ish then fully committed to W&H first. I cannot imagine reading these fics in real time because reading them in full, back to back was the most intense glutenous binge and it's taken over my life in the best way. I have been living in your fictional universe for the past two weeks. I started a list of all the parallels and callbacks and eventually had to call it because they are innumerable. I'm awed. In literal awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Your writing - the individual words of your vast vocabulary, the way you string said words together into hilarious, heart breaking, heart stopping, beautiful, and visceral feelings is astounding. It's hard to explain but even good writers (and/or an intriguing plot) sometimes do not create an overall immersive feeling. But the feelings your words evoke are all encompassing and truly universe building. Like it's not just the wording or the plot or the charters but all of it together come to make something even greater than the sum of their parts. Your writing, your universe of W&H, S&S, and B&E live in my mind and heart and in an embarrassing amount of screenshots of passages on my phone and in voice memos to myself as I don't have anyone irl to fan girl with. When I think of your words and the world you built, I'm reminded of a Taylor Swift lyric: "it cut deep to know you, right to the bone". That is how I'd describe your writing's effect on me, but in the best way.

Your brain's capacity to plot, plan, and flawlessly deliver W&H THEN B&E? Idk how you kept all the threads and plot points and moments and timelines in check. My head aches just thinking about how you wrote these stand-alone but also inextricable works of art. Like how does one's brain function in such a level? And it's especially telling in B&E because we knew where we were going but I still gasped, screamed, squealed, giggled, had to put my phone down, clutched it to my heart, fist pumped, stopped half way through just for a minute to breath and take it all in, and overall looked and acted as an utter idiot during each and every chapter because while I knew where we were going I also had no idea! I'm just floored you managed to keep us at the edge of our seats with a prequel? Who does that? You do!

The texts in the final chapter of W&H devastated me, literal chills. I think about that daily. It's exactly what H and we needed. Just like a reminder of what they went through. It reminded me of Chapter 41 of B&E. Like a summary of where they had been and where they are now.

The other thing that rattled in my brain is the motifs of choice and time, life kind of boils down to those two things huh? But choice especially. It's funny because choice is so prominent but at the same time how W&H and B&E give off soulmate vibes even though this is not a soulmate fic (also are the rumors true...?!) because despite time turners, breakups, and lost memories, they always come back together. But more on choice: it's just as Draco says - in a million scenarios he'll always choose her and he feels lucky she chose him just once. But of course with W&H, she does it twice. And she does it in both timelines of B&E, and of course that's the problem when Draco realizes he has not done the same hence heartbreak 1.0. And just god - he wants her to have a choice with the potion, a choice with her memories, and stops the timey wimey madness by realizing he's taking her choice (and in a way H started it by taking away his choice and leaving the first time). And then those parts about how he chose her, she chose him, but they could not chose each other. This motif, these callbacks. I'm flabbergasted. It's just hitting me now that you extend the choice to us as readers - we get to choose whether H get her memories back or not.

Theo in all your Wait and Hope universe, but especially S&S broke me. Blaise asking who is taking care of Theo when he's taking care of everyone else? Theo's literal and figurative demons? Yikes. Those were unpleasant looks in the mirror for me. I'm glad Theo has his Blaise. Where's mine haha? Also just shout to your underrated Blaise. The fact that he might be my favorite of the Slytherians in your stories says a lot since he doesn't say a lot haha. But he packs such a punch in all your works.

Okay, after singing your well deserved praises and fan girling and marveling at your works (god this is so long, I'm so sorry!), at long last my ask. I still cannot get this out of my head: what did Theo mean in Chapter 1 of B&E when he suggests to Draco “I know that. Maybe you could—tell her some of—” some of what? I zeroed in on this as soon as I read it and it's been rattling in my brain ever since.

um. hi? holy shit. i dont know how to process this. i am resisting the impulse to cringe away from the level of praise happening here because i really need to learn how to take a compliment but oh my god? i am not...this is just...wowzers. you are very literally too kind to me. i have melted into a puddle of feelings in my reading chair here.

so, first things first: thank you. these are some of the nicest things i’ve ever heard about my writing and i can guarantee i will come back to this ask when I'm feeling like i suck and need a motivation boost. i can’t deny...it feels really nice to know that at least one person out there caught and appreciated some of the insane attention to detail i forced upon myself lol. so thank you. truly, thank you so much for saying such amazingly kind things that have short circuited my brain!

and im sure my friends at @etl-echo-audiobooks will be over the moon to know that their recording work was such a hit! your trajectory reading these stories is so fun and hilarious and probably the most unique reading experience i’ve heard so far xD

also, please be advised that your analysis on choice in these stories is probably going to live in my head rent free for the rest of my life. i feel seen, you know? you just...picked up what i was putting down and it feels really nice to know that it worked for you!

and ok. your question. that little dash of ambiguity i was planning on leaving open ended. but let it be known i can be plied with compliments. i can’t just *not* give you something in return for such a lovely and kind and thoughtful dose of joy you had absolutely no obligation to give me today.

so, in my mind, after draco’s house arrest ended and before he went abroad for his mastery, he and theo had an extensive (most likely drunken. also blaise was probably there too) night of reflection where they kind of just looked back at their childhoods and the war and the history of blood purity and just sort of went: “what the fuck?” i imagine draco probably confided in theo that when he went abroad, he planned to just try and pretend like none of it mattered, to see if that was really true. and draco probably kept him updated via owl (even though draco did not write enough and theo had feelings about that) so that by the time draco returned and we have theo asking that sort of trailing question, the implication at the end is “what if you told granger some of your realizations about it all?” so...not all that exciting? but there you have it!

in conclusion: thank you! you are too kind! i appreciate your thoughtful commentary SO much! i’m so happy you enjoyed these stories. and i hope the explanation of what theo was going to say wasn’t too underwhelming.

#thegirlwhowatchedeverything #asks #death by kindness #my death #i am dead #oh also yes #they rumors are true #im writing a soulmate story next #i intend to hurt you #you being ALL of you #*evil laughter*

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cownnor · 6 years

Note

Hi!! Can i ask for your headcanons on android physiology? Bc Daveed Cagee gave us almost nothing and what he did give us was like.. ok... but also i don’t agree hahah. Pls. Enlighten us!!!

THIS HAS SAT IN MY INBOX FOR DAYS WHILE I CAME TOGETHER WITH MY FAVORITE HEADCANONS SO HERE WE GO.

1. Android’s thirium pumps are not actually their “hearts”. The thirium pump looks like this

and it is referred to as the “thirium pump regulator”. I headcanon that it actually controls the heart beat and thirium pressure and acts as an aorta while THIS

is their actual “heart”– IE the thing that pumps all their thirium around.

2. Android death is very complicated because their memories can sometimes be preserved and reuploaded into another body– this means that a baseline of android life takes some time to be established, and therefore a standard of android care most likely takes a few years to develop. Should it be impossibly to reupload memories and personality (the accurate corruption within an androids code “deviancy”) then the android is “dead”.

3. Androids do not need air in excessive quantities. They use “breathing” for cosmetic purposes, but also as a use to expel the heat that is built up naturally by the processes of their biocomponents. If an android cannot “breathe” it does not become a problem until this heat becomes excessive and poses a risk to inner components. As you can see in the same chest shot above, there are no artificial sacs that could act as lungs (this may be different in androids who work in emergency services, as artificial lungs that can expel a certain amount of air with force could act as substitutes to an Ambu bag in the case of CPR). Panting may be introduced as a quick trick to reduce heat within an android, but android are built to withstand an incredible amount of exertion before this becomes necessary– and it is not usually very effective. Most androids who need to cool themselves down simply remove their chest plate so that their components can release heat directly.

4. The most delicate and important processors in an android are located in the head, in roughly the same area as a brain. They are extremely fragile and cannot be exposed to dust, dirt, or any other abrasive elements. Any repairs needed on these processors must be conducted in a clean room. As such, abrasive elements inside any biocomonents or internal workings of an android can be extremely damaging, and should be removed as quickly as possible.

5. Androids have the same amount of nerves and sensations as a human located in their external epidermis. This is so an android can react to stimulus identically to a human. However stimulation to these nerves does not translate to pleasure or pain, but simply as information to their processors (may be subject to change in deviants). Androids do not have nerves on their inner biocomponents, but do have senors attached to them so that they can detect when they are damaged and in need of repair. In deviants, enough damage can translate into pain if the damage is distressing enough.

6. Androids have all 5 senses: they can see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. These senses are installed so that androids can once again have the same reactions as humans, and better experience things to the same degree so that when their owners require a certain task accomplished, the android can do so by relying on these senses. Only certain androids can eat, such as: domestic servants, sex androids, health care androids, child androids, and catering androids. Examples of androids who cannot eat (because they have no need to as to their designated task): park maintenance androids, emergency services androids, police androids, repair androids, and sales androids. (IM SORRY BUT EATING MEANS THEY HAVE ASSHOLES THAT THEY SHIT OUT OF AND I JUST CANT WRAP MY MIND AROUND THAT BEING A THING)

7. Not all androids have genitals. The main differencing factor is whether or not the android in question was created for public service or domestic service.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CAGE THIS MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE WHEN AN ANDROID IS DEACTIVATED A BIG OL TUBE IN THEIR BELLY SEPERATES????? I DONT HAVE A SINGLE GODDAMN EXPLAINATION FOR THIS

9. The white chassis that is located beneath the skin is actually very malleable and has similar give and pull to it as muscle. It is far tougher than the liquid skin, but it is not a hard shell. It bends and twists like muscle and is palpable.

Here in the concept art you can see that with the gray chassis (Lets just assume its the layer beneath the white for now) that there are twists and sinews to it like muscle. The white chassis also has the ability to become clear and translucent (as can be observed in the Junkyard scene where you can see straight through to Markus’s heart and then all of a sudden can’t).

10. Androids can self repair to a degree. Their “muscles” are made of various materials that while cannot be created on demand should one part be damaged, can be stretched and rerouted according to electrical pulses sent by the android’s processors. This means that should an android experience damage, they can partially heal themselves back into operational condition. Similarly, if a thirium line is sliced or damaged, and android can cease the flow from that line and reroute their thirium through other “veins”, though they risk temporary loss of function to certain components or lessened functionality. Androids’ have access to their own code so should they experience a disruption in their consciousness or experience corruption in their code, they can alter their coding to adjust until they have back their available maximum capacity. (This is only true to a degree as anyone with a brain knows better than to let an AI engines run around with control over its own code. Deviancy breaks the locks and limits put onto androids by developers.)

THESE ARE JUST MY HEADCANONS and you do not have to agree with them!!!!!!!!! These are just the ones I like to use when I write! I’m content with the degree that they line up with canon and I am totally okay with people who believe these to be not true or have their own ideas!!!

#LONG ONE #headcanons #androids #detroit become human #dbh #mine #medical #writing #im proud of this #Anonymous #asks

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triumphorce · 6 years

Text

under stars that feel as far as

real does..

at the moment.

at any moment..

kidnap me.

any chance presented

& in moments prior.

spent alone

zone.

far from progress.

stasis,

stationed next to

hope & regret.

on either side.

stamina. breathe now

to breathe more.

no free will.

i got to survive.

i got to make it,

especially if i just change aim

change rim-height,

relate with reality

change chin height,

keep head up,

lower expectations

keep pen up.

can’t make shit up,

so i make this shit up

dig deep, drain soon as i wake up

from sleep, or conscious nap..

break up

buildup

of words

that

feel

millions.

euphoric

ultimatum;

write,

or just

waste.

can’t wait

to post, create.

post haste

long ass roads that really dont have

an end, or means to.

I just become more of

whatever comes;

whatever emotions

i allow;

however

i react;

whoever,wherever,

when tf ever

‘cause all i am

is now, here.

a little more conscious..

that’s it.

&the more i remember,

the more i forget.

gotta pick and choose.

careful.

careful, please.

carefully

cut ties, choose way

‘cause by the time it's time to remember

new knew's

once was' just can’t keep up

and i accidentally

delete something

important,

or distort it..

gotta

slow down

life...

ssssshhheesh

i once was in less pieces,

&I at least, once, knew peace, but didn’t know it,

more than likely still do

staring at sky blue.

so blue..

eyes find it soothes

waiting on.

bus late.

contemplating, mind rages

sea

lost in deep

hue pool

sharp, wind wrapping body.

waitin on,

waiting on.

contemplating. gone.

daydreamin way thru life.

thru the little things

i always belittled.

cause I thought I had what i needed. or what I had was mine to keep.

...just because.

i need a little more somethin

a little more new, more original stop cliches, tropes,& archetypes in general

droll,

repetition equals learning, well i'll just lurn-less

beg to differ, by beggin questions, even when forced to tread slow,&only do so in head.

we’re all middlemen.

just fiddlin’

‘round in world,

in universe,

riddled withh riddles,

that

trickle,

drip

complex

descent

from cognitive

beginnings.

ephemeral glimpses of outside-nighttime-world,

through blinds in bed, as a child to now, still just as far from.

as far as real feels.

feelin nothing like how I do now.

but pain passes,

so it just must be my brain's capacity for trust shrank. & elaborates time taken for to cross neural pathways,

not get lost, and make it back safe save, all at the same time, while i attempt to ignore age

pay mind solely to the idea i can do, &I don't have to prove.

to become honest, so potential growth is optimum to be one with me, and know I can't ever be anything but and no idea is ever done, no matter finished, no grey matter greyer, no more dr. bender's, no more directions, no more winners, reflect on self, &what it means-to be better, i deflect defects w/ skylark teeth,

a truer sense of.. truth

a higher level basic

newfound fundamentals

that all the world and creation in it,

then, now, or later

are truly small

no life was ever finished

nobody wants to give it up,but we learn to

and as a consequence return to world what we wish to see beyond our existence

to find trust again love again feel again believe again hurry up, clock's tickin

get it, grind look and find get inspired go inspire go perspire run a mile two three four

five seconds six seconds

gotta go for it gotta get better,

never listen only instrumentalz for me

in a room aspire to be able to define my every rhyme and reason behind thoughts had,

itchin to stay consistent, keep on writing and don't worry about why, keep on filing tomes of dreams, ordering guides to self, from one idea to a whole library of shit I did,

like,

"oh, damn kid, you wrote that?"

damn right I did.

conversations that I have in my head

while I reread pieces

an elixir, a pensive remedy

for when I feel reluctant toward

reality, when in reality

it's really just the people around me that I trusted, busted ass for, gave up past for filled up gigabytes, sticky notes, notepads for designed a whole world for,

put off parties, friends, a part of me I never gave a chance for. became an outcast for. put on mask for.

to be compared and not contrasted warned and not encouraged critiqued but not heard

made me want

to tell, create a story and not give a damn about glory.

although i worry how i come off..sometimes..

made me

change style time after time for some time, now..

made me have

to boost own confidence, own own ego; inflate like raft, & float to shore,

common ground with action &

focused on

how I'm amounting in life.

..apparently

im just climbing up invisible

mountains

but i don't let it make or break me,

used to,

but no more ,& nowit's just me.

&that's just crazy..

so im focused

on how im a mountain lion to moles tryna troll, but most the time, tho I'm...focused on settling score with where I've failed

& failed to respond to failure well

let go

of initiative, hung to anger

in orbit around regret towards doors left unopened, words unspoken to people gone, that could've changed life, if only They could hear these thoughts.. if only I had someone to talk to besides myself, & people that talk to high-five themselves; given approval never sought, advice for battles never fought, in a room for most of youth, stuck in head, so much to see, explore lore of stories never written, so much done even before i decided to pick pen up, before i decided I was ready for commitment decisions in head turn to an every 5 minute thing,

stuck in holes deeper than before

tell-tale signs around sub-subconscious that Im chasin nothin..

apparitions..

in front of people

waitin somethin fierce

for me to

summon what's already there

a mirror image of miracle from thinnest air from holes put in life for pride in pages of jumbled thoughts gaps in memories for drafts that define ironic, describing fine lines I believe are there, in thinnest mirror, between me and experience in eyes that remind me i am less, i am more i am worse, i am better everything in between all and nothing, not objective, but an object capable of observation, own purpose assigned no more worth than yours, no more than I have dealt my self chances missed to live for product tossed or lost in the end

x's & lines through a mind confused, backspaces scribbles procrastinating daily, delaying the inevitable, staring at.. ...coffee steam and letters linked in ink curves and ink in nerves

on nights only sleep's deferred as vivid as yesterdays and scenes in head of tomorrows mixed in with skips in consciousness obvious options almost always missed second guesses linger in gut like wtf

what the fuck am i doing everyday, if I don't contribute to future

to believe, or not to believe i was in control of will was the whole problem let go of all it hone on goals. fly low, that is...

as far a stretch as breath of desire to contribute to the world believing if chance exists, i will succeed I will fulfill promises thru notepads & audience

a caged bird singing

do or do not.

seems all I've done is try, it seems to try isnt good enough, seems what they want from me wasn't what I was told they want, which is for me to want from me & instead what they want to see is what they want to see

me to become this and not my own, no matter how many hours spent, no matter the font, text, or etiquette formed to gain attention, but apparently a proper use of improper use of prose prospered overtime & i kept my posture, keep me from losing self, going crazy, letting people make me think something's not okay, or wrong with me, or out of whack off top, not taken seriously

priorities of the majority of society made it difficult to captivate eyes, and garner respect, because of conflictive internal contradictions to set out for what I thought was spreading message, but was embedding judgment of self, & effort, looking at motives that been made a home in heart like they suspect, but they was who fucked with me when I wouldn't even fuck with me, wanna be someone else, something else, like what you want clave?

to wait for mine..

psh, nnn’eh, thinking I was good enough to be taken seriously ..

thinking there was nothing to do, but to do, but something changed course, one day,

one day atta time

thinking that I was right behind, could just lift up arm and touch but that wasn't the case, ever, constant race

couldn't hold on, couldn't hide the pain to psyche out greatest opponent, me

didn't want to, saw no point

repeating and repeating, over and again

so on and so forth, thus forth destroying self convinced I couldn't help it and still am

and still can't

accept I ever gave in, broke under pressure, buckled under what some would chuckle over, no pity, just recognition of jimity's petition to push when pushed, with thoughts into written gale force, in a position to always hope, so when foundation crumbles, there's another one up under

if not, I use earth to wander.

whether with excess of momentum or subsiding in subtle realization of sustenance behind life's work

purpose on course set to find reward I'm told I'm looking for..

fin

#poem #dps #clavevesari

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im-fairly-whitty · 7 years

Note

Hi Whitty! Do you have any ideas and suggestions for @muyguapemusician's (with a tiny tiny partially edit from me) Fame AU? For example, how does Miguel and Hector get along together and what should the main conflict be and mooooooore? We will LOVE ANY addition headcanons from you guys!!!!!!

First off, the Fame!au you and @muyguapomusician have created is extremely interesting to me for a couple reasons. The main reason being that the entire AU revolves around a very dark twist in Hector’s character that I don’t think I’ve seen anywhere else: What is he really did leave his family behind for a life of fame like Imelda thought he did?

Because Hector’s main redeeming quality as a character, and indeed the whole point of the movie, is that he didn’t, I think first you have to establish why he did to find the main conflict of this AU.

But Hector would never leave his family right? That’s literally the core of who he is, his greatest strength as a person is his unfaltering and (literally) undying love and devotion to his wife and child. It’s this love that drives him to go on the road with Ernesto in the first place to provide for them, it’s what makes him try to leave Ernesto when he realizes it would be better for Imelda and Coco if he was home with them, it’s why Imelda asks “how many times must I turn you away” because he’s tried to come back to her so many times, it’s why he has increasingly desperate plans every year to try to cross the marigold bridge to return to Coco.

We know Hector I determined, he’s creative, and he would do anything for his family.

So what would have to break him so completely that he would leave them behind?

Well, let’s take a look at his weaknesses.

Hector is non-confrontational. He’s grown up his whole life under Ernesto’s wing, meaning that he’s used to being domineered over and directed by someone else. For better or for worse, you can see that reflected in his marriage to Imelda, whose fiery personality completely rules the home. He’s so used to cozying up to a more dominant friend that can be bold and forceful for him, that he unconsciously sought out the same headstrong and controlling qualities in a spouse.

Of course Imelda and Ernesto are different, Imelda’s pride is the kind that takes care of others, while Ernesto’s only takes care of himself, but it speaks to the fact that when push comes to shove, Hector would much rather be shoved than push. Even when he confronts Ernesto at his mansion in the movie, Hector says he doesn't care about getting credit for his songs, that’s a fight he never even tried pursuing, he just wants to get home.

We also see how easily he’s swayed by Miguel in the movie, letting Miguel convince him to travel with a living run-away living boy to find his old friend he hasn’t talked to in decades, to let Miguel play in a talent show their whole plan hinges on even after saying he’s never performed before, ect. Hector rarely pushes back on Miguel's hothead decisions, only when he realizes that Miguel has a family to return to does he try to put his foot down.

Hector will do a whole lot to avoid fighting or pushing or even being direct, instead opting to find a way to sneak around his problems and obstacles to achieve his goals.

Hector’s emotional, but he also avoids confronting his problems (otherwise he would have picked up on the red flags Ernesto had been dropping long before he was poisoned,) which leads me to beleive that Hector’s downfall would have been triggered by his inability to say no to something that would start to paralyze his driving ability to feel love and concern for his family.

In the year 1920, Mexico established a law that more tightly controlled the import and distribution of drugs such as Cocaine, Opiates and Marujana because the drug problem in the country had reached a level of national concern. But we all know that a heavy law against a substance often has the unfortunate side effect of creating a thriving market for that very substance.

It’s terrible, it’s awful, but opium drugs are also the perfect way for Hector’s personality and priorities to have changed to fit the Fame!AU.

While on tour Ernesto realizes he’s going to have to do something drastic to keep Hector from returning home, but he doesn’t want to kill Hector. That would be stupid, he’d never be able to get anymore songs from his musico partner, and besides, Hector’s his hermano. Ernesto could never kill him.

But Ernesto is still getting desperate, so he seeks out a poison anyway. But this time it’s not arsenic, this time it’s opium. A poison of the mind instead of instant death.

Hector’s done a lot of stupid things over his life long friendship with Ernesto, a lot of hilarious, fun, risk-taking things that boys always get up to. So one night when Ernesto brings a small pouch of powder heroin back to their inn room, and won’t leave him alone until he’s tried just a little, it starts a drastic downward spiral that Hector’s never able to climb back out of.

Are you cringing yet? Good. Because that’s the awful reality of drugs.

A few symptoms of opiate use? Boredom, feeling detached from self, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, or nervousness.

Hector’s still performing, he’s still writing songs, but that underlying sense of needing to see his family again is drowned out by the omnipresent detached feeling that looms over him. His need to see Imelda is smothered in his even greater anxiety that he can’t quite pin down, but seems to ease when he sticks close to Ernesto (who of course makes sure to get Hector his next fix whenever he needs it.)

Memories of Coco and Imelda, hopes of seeing them in the near future, those are all thoughts that are lost as Hector’s brain chemistry alters around his growing dependence on his drug addiction. Addicts dont think about the past and they don’t think to the future, they think about the now. Because they need another hit now.

Hector doesn’t realize how much he’s changed of course, addicts rarely do, but Ernesto keeps him on a tight leash and continues to feed his partner anxious lies about how he’s got to keep performing if he’s going to provide for his family, that it hurts but but it’ll hurt more if he leaves, that the only smart thing to do for Imelda and Coco’s sake is to always, always be performing with him as they continue to claw thier way to sucess (and of course they suceed with Hector’s brilliance.) And Hector never, never sees through these lies on his own all those years because he no longer has the mental capacity to see through the hazy anxiety that now rules his life.

He always wanted to go home of course, but he just…he just was never really able to…right?

Ernesto of course never touches the stuff. Oh no. That’s just for Hector.

Hector of course writes his daughter whenever he can, he still loves her, but now the looming detachment of the drugs that have riddled his mind creates a kind of untouchable barrier between them that he just can’t manage to get over. He keeps meaning to visit, keeps meaning to come be his daughter’s father, but things are just always so busy, and he can never really manage to think ahead far enough to make it happen. Especially since Imelda has stopped speaking to him after being truly abandoned all these years, only accepting the rich paychecks he continues to send home for Coco’s sake.

And Hector and Ernesto make it big, they become huge stars on the silver screen together, a wildly successful duo. But of course Hector dies before Ernesto when his opiate strung out body gives up on him one night, unable to take it anymore.

Ernesto suffers a tragic stage accident shortly after, and the two performers are reunited in the land of the dead, much to the delight of the thousands of fans on the other side who eagerly put them up in a mansion of their own, excited to have their two favorite performers back together.

And so it begins again. The caged life that Hector was trapped into in life is also the same numbing cycle he now performs in death. It’s all he knows at this point anyway.

And so is the life and death of an addict.

That’s all the time I have left this morning to expound on this, but I hope it makes you as ill inside as it makes me. Even the very best of people can be brought to the lowest of lows doing things they’ve never do otherwise when their brain chemistry is shoved around. It’s a grim AU, but drugs are grim stuff. You can’t mess around with them lightly, and Ernesto knew that all too well.

Does this whole thing reek with regret and broken promises and half-finished plans?

Oh, you bet it does.

And that’s why the Fame!AU is such a captivatingly dark one.

[Side note: this post also comes with the experience of my having worked professionally with addicts, it’s really not a pretty sight. Drugs can kill a person you love much more effectively than arsenic.]

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pepperminthealing-blog · 8 years

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Day 1

I want to start this blog stating that I’m going to attempt to write everyday, and maybe even more than one a day. The events of this blog will not be in chronological order, it’s going by what is really tearing my heart apart that day, where my mind wanders.

I want to say thank you for whoever reads this, and I hope through my healing it may give you some insight in your own life, or better understanding of whatever. Or even if you’re just curious, I hope it tickles your feather I suppose.

On we go.

A month and a half ago I met someone, and we had the instant click. Whether it was because we were considerably nerdy, or because he made me feel safe during my current situations. Honestly, it was all supposed to be a joke; and thats so sickening to me knowing that I fell that low. We first met on tinder, and he would send some uh... wonderful messages. And my co-workers and I would read them and respond, then chuckle as we just kind of made fun of this guy who seemed to really be trying too hard. -Sigh- Who would of known that this guy was actually someone with a very very soft heart. We lost contact once I left my job shortly after my miscarriage and gained contact back when I returned, he was already seeing someone and I was on the line of breaking up with the person I was with at the time as well. We made rules that we wouldnt hang outside of work until we both had ended those two terms, because we wanted to be as truthful and transparent with not just one another but with them, fairness to speak. Today, I couldn’t tell you how we got to where we were that day, it was literally just a click... Maybe I was craving something that he posessed because I wasnt getting it in my own relationship? Idk. But, the first night we hung out... I knew I had to keep walking with him. He took me to Wawa at 3am, and bought me a tuna sandwich, and we drove to some dock area and talked about politcal things, hospital business and just our opinions on the world. It was freeing, connecting and intoxicating to find someone who had a like mindset as my own, that could hold an intellectual conversation on things that really mattered to me. After hours of talking, he drove me back to my car and kissed me, and it felt so tender and innocent. I think that was the moment I let my walls down, that for some stupid reason my dumb broken heart wanted to just burst and open up to someone I barely had any knowledge of. The most we talked when seperated was sexual things, and from my past expierences that was never a good sign, but WHY DID THIS FEEL DIFFERENT? Was it because he was a nurse I worked with? That I believed he didnt have the capacity to break me like anyone else could in this world? -sigh.- I slept with him that night, and the hormones our brains release during that time, started the attachment. But it also set the fear in that he would be like everyone else. I want to skip around so much because diving back into these memories have been nothing but haunting the last week, but I’m trying to remind myself that skipping details is skipping moments that could possibly heal you. As I’m writing this, I’m crying tears over this stupid guy. And calling him stupid isnt going to fix anything, because even though you guys have gotten to read down to this part, I just want to say he isnt bad at all. He didnt leave to be an asshole, he was physically ill, he had an addiction problem and I was his catnip. And asking him to stay wasnt just selfish of me, but it was deadly. I would of never forgiven myself if he relapsed because I pushed him too far. I know he cared about me, and the impression I’m giving of him already doesnt give that off, so I wanted to say that before I continued the rest of this story.

Anyways, weeks passed and James and I would have deep conversations about our lives, fantasies, dreams and things. He would care for me when I was sick, reach out and cushion the blows I would take from the break up I just endured. He would push me to take the stress of work and push through it, remind me that I’m doing it for the greater good, and that I was doing just fine. He calmed the storm in my mind for a brief period of time, while I rumbled the dark one in his. Sex and the connection we made was what he called “catnip” to him, and he tried to push me away and I pulled him right back in. Not only was I intoxicating to him, but he became just as much to me. Who wouldnt want someone who could protect them from the harsh of the world for some time?? To give them that freedom feeling that they have CRAVED to feel for years? Valentines day, he gave me 3 chokers, and they meant the absolute world to me. Not only were they ones I wanted, but they had meaning to me. They were heartfelt emotional presents, specially from him; and I felt I was flying. I think that night was the night I began the falling process, or well... I know I did. I stepped off the ledge after he told me to not move furniture into a house he was only renting. I refused to believe that, in my head I thought I could save him, that this would be different. And the signs he gave off, gave me the hope that just that was happening.

......this is the hardest part.....

The day after Valentines day, I woke up and in my stomach I felt something different. I felt like our connection was torn, I was depressed and I thought it was just maybe me. We talked all day, and everything seemed normal. But that night, when he got off his shift, he met me in the staircase at my work. The staircase where he would visit me before he left, where he told me how crazy he was for me, where we shared some of our best kisses.... The staircase I walked down to have my first in face conversation with him...I sat next to him... Him: “Hey buddy, how are you?” It always bothered me when he called me buddy, I wasnt his buddy. I was his Kitten, his baby... “I’m alright, how are you?” “Tired.” I wanted to just slump onto him and just melt. But I could feel the tension behind his words, that there was something that he wanted to say. “Are you still coming over Thursday?” “I don’t think thats going to be a good idea, buddy.” That last sentence shattered the world that he built up with me. I pressed on asking and he began to lightly tell me how what we built up was unhealthy for him, which I didn’t understand at that moment how it was unhealthy. How our relationship was bad for him, but I wasnt. His hazel eyes stared into mine, and I could feel that wall being built between us, I felt shut out. I tried clawing at that wall, pushing, hammering everything I could to get him to tell me why he was leaving. I sat on that second stair of the top while he stood below me, asking me to tell him to leave... I couldn’t. Telling him to leave was like telling myself to drown at that moment. How in such a short period of time could one person make me feel all this in a second. I didn’t grasp how we went from one moment of bliss, to.... hell. I’m still processing through this part, and it wasn’t until last night that it all made sense to me. James expressed so many times that he didn’t want to leave, but what we had was enticing his addictive nature, which could push him to relapse. And the only way to stop that, was to stop being with me. And I felt like I was so unhealthy for him at that point, no matter what he said. But it wasnt me, it was what we had. And there was no going back from that, you can’t just build up a relationship and then change it expecting it to change with you. So, you have to end it... Which is still hard on me, because I care deeply about him. And because I care deeply for him; I’ve started to let him distance from me.

I wrote him one final text last night expressing every little emotion I had for him, and apologizing for throwing his stuff out, which I regret so much now because I dont have an inch of his love in my house... just my bed still smells like him. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about him in a day, or how I’m still picking pieces of our relationship apart to find solutions or how BADLY I fight with myself to text him, begging him to text me back. Even after we broke up, he still wanted to come take care of me... I invited a random guy over to poke at him when we broke up, and he still came over to calm the pain in my heart once the guy left. Who does that? Not only do I know that what we have was unhealthy for him, but by the way I acted when he hurt me, was how I knew I was unhealthy for not just him... but those around me.

Moral to this story, even though its not fully finished but this is as much as I want to dive into it today is that... people are lessons. And James was the one who left pain in my soul, and that pain finally opened my eyes to how dangerous I am to people, how much pain I actually feel. I’m so for healing those around me, and saving those who need it. But... I forgot about me. I forgot that I need those things too, from myself. As of right now, I havent texted him; I’ve kept my word to let him distance, and I think he’s finally removed me from snap chat so he wont look at my stories and have the craving to return.

As for me, well... this whole thing has made me realize that I need time to really heal and figure out me. I’ve been in and out of things in life, that I don’t think I’ve ever slowed down long enough to process what it is I’ve gone through.

Do I love James? I think I loved the idea of being with him, and the feelings he gave me.

Do I care about him? Yes, and because of that, I don’t want to get in the way of his recovery.

Do I hope we can ever become something? At this point I think it’s healthy to say that everyone hopes they can get back with the person who just left them . I do hope we can talk one day, i miss our conversations.

What’s next? Well, work today... I’m dreading the day we have to run into each other at work, but that day will come and when it does, I’m going to embrace it and push through.

I think thats enough for right now.

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tumblunni · 8 years

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I NEED TO PRODUCTIVITY GAMES Anyone ever have a moment where you have TOO MANY CHOICES on a thing that you like, so you cant decide which to pick and you pick none of them and you just sit here being sad??? I have that as a huge problem on Steam, whenever I get a humble bundle or a deal or something and I have more than five games I havent played, I sit here paralyzed. And now I currently have OVER 100 GAMES that I haven’t played! Thats how bad I’ve let it get! if I don’t play a game immediately after i buy it, or if I get ANY DEAL EVER, I just never play it and I’m stuck here scared of playing things I enjoy, somehow?? I’,m just so confused, my brain doesnt have the capacity to comprehend the reasoning that’d allow me to choose. I’m really REALLY desperate to play one of these games but WHICH ONE FIRST AAAA Why does it even matter which one i play first??? And some of these have been in my play list for OVER A YEAR so i dont even remember what the game IS, and its even harder to choose! I get scared going into things blind for some reason even though I know its just a game and it cant physically hurt me. And the times steam games have most psychologically blindsided me were all games where I DID do the reasearch and I had no way of working harder to be prepared for the twist, it was just the fault of reviews not mentioning stuff that really needed a trigger warning :P That GODDAMN lolicon witch simulator game that goes three hours in looking fine before suddenly throwing little girl vaginas and weird positive portrayals of female-on-male rape at you, and the game description doesnt mention the sexual content at allllll And then Amnesia Memories wasnt a completely irredeemable game and it wasnt as disgusting as that, but still it had really creepy nonsense out of nowhere and I’m glad I was prewarned at least... BUT YEAH ANYWAY This is the pain I am stuck in right now cos my dumb brain doesnt work :P And I guess I might actually be able to blame that witch game for starting me doing this stupidness, gahhh. ive always had a problem with being scared of making choices but it never went this far before I had a reason to be scared of games :P Two out of three games that’ve freaked me out like that are all steam games and all of them happened in the last two years for some reason. Games are getting way more sexualized without having appropriate age warnings, I feel... And i mean, its not just that it contains fanservice that is bad, its just when its this weird unhealthy shit. Why is THAT so much more common suddenly in 2015-17?? Goddamn ps4 digimon game having bondage gag rape metaphor boss battle against an underage teenager, goddamn monster possesion thing that looks inhuman when it absorbs men yet looks like a rape cage for the only female victim. WHYYYYY ...actually that probably traumatized me MORE than the witch sim, cos it was a franchise I trusted making this horrible mistake. Halfway through a 70 hour rpg that I’d chucked 400 HOURS into because I wanted to unlock all the digivolutions :P Much more painful when it hurts your opinion of a franchise you actually WERE invested in, WERE enjoying... I’m much more scared of accidentally enjoying half a bad game and then friggin having to mourn it as well as being traumatized :P ANYWAY GAH THIS IS THE PROBLEM I need to focus on just clicking a random game in my list and being able to actually enjoy it, rather than remembering bad stuff and getting unnecessarily worried I actually had this exact damn feeling before I played Undertale, it was why i took like a month to play it after it came out. i was so scared that the hype was wrong and there were a bunch of confusing rumours going around of there being ‘a virus jumpscare’ that was specifically bad for people with anxiety disorders and I was completely blind about what the game was about so I had no clue it was this uplifting morally good thing that just happened to have some scary bits. Normal scary bits that any other damn game could have, nothing worth trigger warning unless you have a specific fear of that particular thing. And the ‘virus jumpscare’ was only in the no mercy run so you kinda deserve it. i think everyone who deliberately takes the bad scary route probably already knows its gonna be bad and scary?? But yeah I had that spectre of worrying over a sudden unexpected unexplained bad thing happening at any moment, and it took me ages to get past toriel’s introductionary scene and ease up enough to actually enjoy the game, actually get immersed... This kind of feeling makes me not enjoy games that I otherwise would have enjoyed, so i kinda do have a reason to worry about playing a game during an anxiety mode... But then again playing a good game can snap me OUT of anxiety mode, like Undertale eventually did! GAHHH MY DUMB BRAIN IS SO HARD TO CONTROL

#bunni original vintage post #sorry #vent post

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magical-agatha · 5 years

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vent, dont reblog.

cant readmore on mobile soz

all that did was leave me tired and confused. i am traumatised and damaged and prone to running away or hiding or freezing or fawning. but i have enough control over myself and enough awareness that i can, almost always, stop myself from hurting anyone. even when im terrified and my head is screaming to run. i have enough control to think about what is happening and what i actually want to do. im not like the ppl described in that. i am traumatised heavily. but i dont lash out. especially not now. maybe a small snap when i panic or im hysterical and struggling to control myself. but thats only when its bad. the kind of panic where my brain cant process thoughts properly anymore and i can barely think and i have to devote all my energy to staying real and not thinking about suicide. i dont lash out i just put up walls. but i only put up walls when talking cant work. i cant talk to an ace exclusionist or a transmed, i cant change them. i cant afford the energy to try and nor am i capable of convincing them. they have to learn for themselves. so i block them to avoid them and feel sad and angry about it. if i can talk i do. if talking has a chance of working i talk. and its hard and sometimes i mess it up. but when it should work it does work. cuz some ppl wont listen or see things from my perspective. bc they dont want to. i tell them they hurt me. and they say it was my own fault or gaslight me. when it wasnt. i dont blame ppl for things they havent done. that makes no sense. and i dont blame ppl for the sake of it. if someone i can talk to hurts me i think about it. cry probably. consult my gf and my psych and maybe other friends. then i talk to the person if i can. if they care they listen. sometimes i dont get it right. sometimes i mess up bad. but if i do i listen. and i try to change and i apologise. and the ppl i keep in my life all do the same. we talk and we listen and we try to be better people. and the ones who wouldnt communicate turned out to be the ones more often than not that contributed to my trauma. and a lot of them i think about more than id like. and i wish they were still in my life and had listened and had been better. but they werent. they made choices. they blamed me or dismissed me when i tried to communicate. and so we dont talk.

there were things i messed up in most of those situations. but i apologised and i learnt from the mistakes i made and i grew. which is what im supposed to do. grow.

so im not like the people that was describing. not in the way im scared of being. i am small and tired and traumatised but i dont make callouts, especialky not for personal disputes. i dont gaslight ppl or acuse them of abuse prematurely or innapropriately. i try to resolve conflict responsibly. bc i have made a lot of mistakes in the past. and i dont want to repeat them. bc i want to be better. i want to be a good person. and most importantly i want to have friends and loved ones and a community. and building a community means i need to have second and third thoughts and i need to watch myself and learn from all my mistakes bc i want to be better and thats how you get better. i think im lucky in my capacity for self awareness. not only is my brain extremely good at pattern recognition and being critical, which i think are in part from an overactive like, part of the brain that senses danger, but i can see it and control it and i can turn it inward and watch myself. and i can watch myself watching myself. and sometimes it messes me up and i hurt myself or wear myself out but i need to be critical. not all the time not too much. not to the point of hurting myself. and im getting better at balance. but being able to watch myself like i can is extremely useful. and i think it might be an uncommon trait. based on people ive known and disliked. and people i see out in the world. and based on an awful lot of thinking and guessing. i think most ppl cant do this. and i think thats why certain things are the way they are. im too tired to articulate. but as much as i hate my trauma and how much it has destroyed me. there is a silver lining. i will make the best of a bad situation.

i will move in with my gf. i will learn and grow and gradually i will stop being scared all the time. and ill be better. ill have friends and family. and ill keep the useful skills i learnt frok being sick and from trauma. like second and third thoughts. and first sight. and all the other stuff ive grown because of. and hopefully ill shed most of the pain. and the intrusive thoughts. and the parts of my brain intent on sabotaging me. undermining me when im weak. ill stop dissociating maybe even too. i might never be able to remember things well or process thoughts consistently or reliably but there is always a way around problems like that and ive already learnt a lot about doing that. my memory isnt an issue. my gf remembers the important stuff i dont. and i write things down and set reminders. and i have old messages and posts to read thru. and screenshots and photos too. and gifts and mementos and paths in my head i can follow if i try hard enough. if i keep digging i can find things i lost. sometimes. so memory is handled. but other stuff still needs work. like executive dysfunction or focus or consistency or sleep.. speaking of which. its past 4am. i should sleep.

#hashtag blogging with aggy

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johnclapperne · 6 years

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“What Is Creatine? How to Start Supplementing with Creatine”

Most supplements in the fitness world are a complete waste of money.

Some supplements aren’t even absorbed well, making for some expensive urine![1]

Others, like “weight loss pills,” can actually be outright dangerous.[2]

However, there are a few supplements which could be an exception to this rule.

And one of those supplements is creatine.

Creatine is one of the most popular and tested fitness supplements on the market.

Technically, it’s an amino acid derivative, but you don’t really need to know that.

That is, unless you are a chemist.

We get loads of questions here at Nerd Fitness on using creatine correctly, so today I’ll jump right in and give you the low down.

We’ll discuss everything you need to know about this supplement:

What exactly is creatine?

If you were to take creatine, how much should you use?

What time of day is best for taking creatine?

What are some of the best creatine supplements on the market?

Let’s go!

WHAT IS CREATINE?

Creatine is a naturally occurring substance found in muscle tissue.

Right now you have creatine, specifically creatine phosphate, in your body. All vertebrate animals do.

Yes, even corgis.

Think of creatine as an energy reserve your body taps into when it needs a boost. Or like, an extra energy tank in Metroid or Mega Man.

Our bodies naturally produce creatine in our liver, pancreas, and kidneys.

We also obtain it from certain foods, because all vertebrate animals contain creatine in their muscles.

So if you eat meat, you are getting extra creatine in your diet. Red meat in particular (beef, lamb bison), has the highest levels of dietary creatine.

(Don’t eat meat? Cool. Read our plant-based guide.)

Outside of diet, people often supplement with creatine. It’s one of the more popular supplements taken, and in fact, is THE most popular supplement taken amongst college athletes.[3]

The reason people supplement with creatine: the more creatine you consume – whether through nutrition or supplementation – the more will be found in your muscles.

Why should you care? What does creatine do, exactly?

WHAT DOES CREATINE DO?

Science time! To discuss supplementing creatine with any justice, we need to talk about ATP.

All cells rely on adenosine triphosphate (ATP) for energy. It’s our body’s energy currency.

Sort of like “Mana” in World of Warcraft or Magic: The Gathering, ATP is a fuel tank for doing awesome things like running, doing pull-ups, or summoning lighting.

But much like “Mana,” ATP can be replenished only so quickly by your body. With intense enough exercise, you’ll use more ATP than your body can produce. Which means you’ll run out.

It’s why people can only sprint at 100% maximum effort for a short amount of time. You just plain run out of juice, or ATP.

And depending on how you are exercising, your body will replenish its ATP through one of three ways:

Less than 10 seconds, for exercises like short sprints or heavy lifting, ATP is replenished with creatine phosphate stored in muscle tissue.

30 seconds to 2 minutes, for activities like swimming a few laps, ATP is replenished with glycogen found in your muscles.

Greater than 2 minutes, ATP is replenished with oxygen and glucose. You can think of endurance activities for this stage.

I get it, there’s a LOT more to it than that (The three systems often blend into each other, so it’s not so clear cut).[4]

Why I bring all of this up: your body can quickly convert creatine to ATP (in seconds).

This means the more creatine you have stored in your muscles, the longer you can utilize the phosphagen system – short and intense energy – to produce ATP.

It’s math: the more creatine you consume, the more will be found in your muscles. The more creatine you have in your muscles, the longer you should be able to sprint at max effort (or lift heavy, etc.).

Granted, there’s a point where your muscles become saturated with creatine and your body can’t hold anymore.

We’ll talk about dosage and absorption rates shortly. But first…

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF CREATINE?

There is good evidence to suggest that creatine supplementation does, in fact, allow for longer periods of intense exercise by helping to produce more ATP. [5]

One such study found that supplementing with creatine for 28 days allowed users to increase their bike sprint by 15% and bench press performance by 6%.[6]

This is generally why people supplement with creatine. If you can produce more energy for more intense exercises, you can workout harder.

Instead of stopping at 10 reps because of exhaustion, perhaps you can squeeze out that 11th rep if you are storing more creatine. Or instead of slowing down your sprint at 10 seconds, you keep going until 12.

If you’re looking to improve physically, being able to achieve one more rep or just a few more seconds of a sprint can be critical.

Creatine has a boatload of other benefits too:

Cell signaling. Creatine has been shown to increase satellite cell signaling, which helps your body communicate its “needs” better. I personally picture a little cell crying out “help me, I’m broken” when thinking about cell signaling. However, improvements in cell communication can have an impact on muscle repair and growth.[7]

Cellular hydration. Creatine helps your muscles retain water, which helps them work more efficiently.[8] Hydrated muscles perform better than dehydrated muscles, so creatine as a performance enhancer seems appropriate.

Muscle growth. Creatine supplementation has been shown to increase the hormone IGF-1, which is needed for muscle growth.[9] In fact, the International Society and Sports Nutrition states “Creatine monohydrate is the most effective ergogenic nutritional supplement currently available to athletes in terms of increasing high-intensity exercise capacity and lean body mass during training.”[10]

Don’t get thrown off by the “creatine monohydrate.” We’ll talk about types of creatine shortly. Just know that creatine has been shown to aid in muscle growth.

Brain health. While not technically a muscle, your brain stores creatine. Can more stored creatine help with brain health?

There is research and evidence that suggests some conditions like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and epilepsy can all be helped by supplementing with creatine.[11] A creatine supplement might also help with memory and cognition in the elderly.[12]

Also, I have to highlight this study linking creatine supplementation with working memory and intelligence.[13] This makes sense because your brain also uses ATP, which remember, creatine helps produce.[14]

All of these studies are going to lead to a natural question…

SHOULD I SUPPLEMENT WITH CREATINE? IS TAKING CREATINE SAFE?

The use of creatine has been “extensively studied,” which makes my job of recommending it easy.[15]

The International Society of Sports Nutrition analyzed over 500 studies on creatine usage and concluded: “There is no scientific evidence that the short- or long-term use of creatine monohydrate has any detrimental effects on otherwise healthy individuals.”

However, we should acknowledge there is anecdotal evidence that taking creatine can cause kidney damage, dehydration, diarrhea, and an upset stomach.[16]

Kidney damage would be the most serious of these, let’s talk about that specifically for a moment.

Again, no study has been able to verify the claim of organ damage, and kidney function with creatine supplementation has been looked at specifically.[17]

However, if you have a history of kidney problems, it might be a good idea to talk to a doctor before you start supplementing with creatine. Better safe than sorry.

The other concern would be dehydration and diarrhea, which actually might have an easy cause and solution.

I mentioned earlier that taking creatine can help with muscle hydration. Because your muscles are holding onto more water, this leaves less water for other places. So if you start taking creatine, you should also increase your water intake!

Shoot for 16-18 ounces of water (a half liter) for every 5 grams of creatine you take. We’ll devote an entire section to dosage in just a moment.

It should also be noted, that being dehydrated puts extra stress on your kidneys. It can also cause diarrhea.

Drink water.

HOW TO TRAIN ON CREATINE

The reason creatine is so popular is because of its impact on athletic performance.

For you to receive most the benefits of supplementing creatine, you’ll need to work out. The creatine won’t lift that barbell for you.

The interesting thing about creatine: nearly any type of physical performance has been linked to improvement when combined with creatine supplementation:

Strength training. If you’re looking to grow strong, you need to lift heavy. Taking creatine has been shown to increase muscle strength.[18] In other words, taking creatine can help you lift slightly heavier or slightly more. If you do this consistently, you could start to achieve gains faster than you would without creatine supplementation.

This is the number one reason people take creatine.

Endurance. Despite creatine’s popularity for strength training, it can also be used as a tool for endurance athletes. That’s because creatine has been shown to increase glycogen stores.[19] If you remember our example from earlier on different metabolic ways to replenish ATP, you’ll recall that glycogen is a medium to long term energy source.

Meaning the more glycogen you have, the longer you can run. If you’re looking into improving an endurance sport, creatine might be worth checking out.

Recovery. Creatine has been shown to help reduce inflammation and muscle soreness.[20] Shorter recovery times, means you can get back to training sooner. More gym time can equal a stronger you.

No one likes being overtly sore. Creatine may help a little here.

When you start to learn more about creatine, it makes sense why so many athletes take this supplement.

However, I do need to mention that a majority of the benefits of creatine supplementation kick in with the conjunction of a regular exercise practice.

Supplements must be combined with a good solid workout! You don’t get big muscles or faster speeds from only protein and creatine.

They need to be combined with a proper training program!

If you’re not quite sure how to get going, I’ve got a few resources for you.

The first is our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

It’s a circuit – where you quickly go from one exercise to the next – that you can start doing tonight in your living room or basement or spaceship. It’s one of our most popular routines here at Nerd Fitness, and it’s something you can do from your own home. No gym required.

If you want someone to help guide you – and hold you accountable – we can help with that too! We have an uber-popular 1-on-1 Online Coaching program where we work with busy people just like you to complete life overhauls. We can help you start strength training, offer nutrition recommendations, or provide you with accountability and structure to start working out from home. No matter where you need to go on your fitness journey, we can help guide you there.

If you want to learn if we are a good fit for each other, click on the big box below:

COMMON MISTAKES WHEN TAKING CREATINE

So far this article has more or less come out as an advertisement for creatine supplementation.

While there are a lot of great benefits of creatine, and not much in the way of studies showing harm, we need to talk about one potential downside.

Bloating.

Since creatine helps you retain water, you might feel a little bloated after taking it. Granted, hydrated cells perform better. But it can still be uncomfortable and cosmetically unappealing to hold onto a bunch of water.

The dosage and timing of taking creatine might be a factor, which we’ll talk about soon.

However, if bloating continues to the point that it’s interfering with your life, stop supplementing with creatine.

Speaking of creatine challenges, there’s also the fear that taking too much creatine could upset your stomach.[21]

We’ll get to proper dosage of creatine in just a moment, which might solve this.

It should be noted, that certain types of creatine are sold as “anti-bloating” and “easy on the stomach.”

Let’s talk about types and brands of creatine right now, by looking into these claims.

WHAT IS THE BEST CREATINE TO TAKE?

Creatine actually exists in multiple forms. We’ll go over each one briefly, plus give our recommendation on which type to take.

We’ll then leave you with a brand or two to try out.

First, some different types of creatine:

Creatine Monohydrate is the most common, and thus the most studied form of creatine.

It’s essentially a creatine molecule and a water molecule combined.

This would be the form of creatine we recommend. When we discuss the benefits and safety of creatine, we mean creatine monohydrate, because it’s the form that ends up being used in research.[22]

If there is a downside to creatine monohydrate, it would be that your body might have trouble absorbing all of it.[23] Which means you can pee a lot of it out. When people sell other types of creatine, they’ll generally claim their version has a better absorption rate.

Creatine Ethyl Ester is thought to be absorbed into the body easier than creatine monohydrate. There may be some evidence this is true.[24]

However, when it comes to body composition, creatine monohydrate still looks to be superior.[25]

Creatine Hydrochloride is another form of creatine that is touted as being absorbed easier than creatine monohydrate. You’ll also see claims that it won’t make you bloated.

Early evidence may back some of the claims of better absorption rates, but I would hold off on this form of creatine until more studies are done on its safety.[26]

Buffered creatine attempts to solve the stomach issues that are anecdotally reported as a side effect of creatine consumption. This form of creatine is mixed with an alkaline powder, with attempts to make it easier to digest. So far studies on the results of these benefits are mixed.[27]

Again, for now, I’d avoid buffered creatine until the research concludes its safety.

Hopefully, I convinced you to stick with creatine monohydrate. Again, it’s the most tested version of creatine there is, which makes it the most recommended.[28]

Want some recommendations on brands?

The brand of creatine monohydrate I personally take: Bulk Supplements.

dotFIT is another good brand for you to check out. MyProtein also carries a good choice. Both of those are creatine monohydrate options.

If you are going to take creatine, take creatine monohydrate. Which leads to the next question…

HOW MUCH CREATINE SHOULD I TAKE?

The question “How much creatine should I take?” will lead us to the topic of creatine loading.

The theory on creatine loading goes like this: at first, you’ll want to take more creatine so your..

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#“What Is Creatine? How to Start Supplementing with Creatine”

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albertcaldwellne · 6 years