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wutheringmights · 3 years

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Can I be greedy and ask for all of the boys ? And any characters you have strong opinions on? Pretty please? With lots of cherries and chocolate on top? ( for the ask meme ofc)

Anon, I'll finish up all of the boys in the Chain just for you. And trust me, I have an Infinite Amount of Strong Opinions. You have no idea how Opinionated I Am.

If anyone is coming in late to this, here are the boys I have done already and a short summary of my thoughts (click the hyperlinks to get the full Opinion):

Warriors: he's best when he's the trashy anti-Link, and I like him so much

Twilight: kind of boring, but I have a soft spot for him anyway because you never forget your first

Wind: should have been aged up a little so that he can have that identity crisis I'm craving

This... gets long. Really long. 3-hours-of-work-long. Before you read, please note that even when I speak negatively about something, it’s not to diss anyone who does like the thing. I’m not vague posting or being passive aggressive. This is all written in good humor and good faith.

That being said, let’s a-go!

-Sky-

What I love about them: He has one of the best character arcs of all the Links. I love that he starts off being lazy and kind of a jerk, but grows as a person because he wants to save his friend. And I love that he's truly the most courageous Link. He has no other successful hero of past or legacy to lean back upon to reassure him. He walked into that fight with Demise with no assurance from anyone that he would succeed. Yet, he does it anyway. Because he's a true hero and someone had to be one. And he's rewarded with a curse that he does not initially take seriously. He thinks he's saved everyone, yet he's cursed his spirit, possibly his bloodline, and his entire legacy of the kingdom of Hyrule into a doomed cycle of destruction. All because he dared to face evil incarnate. I love him.

What I hate about them: You know how I called Twilight boring? I should have saved that critique for Sky. LU Sky is actually the most boring interpretation of his character. All of his negative traits? Gone. All of his positives? Also gone. He's the blandest version of himself, and like Twilight, I now feel like I gotta add some spice to him to make him more interesting while still keeping him recognizable. Even so, he's still one of my favorite Links.

Favorite Moment/Quote: When he kicks Twilight's ass at sword fighting. That's stuff is *chef's kiss*

What I would like to see more focus on: You would think that there would be more angst out there about him realizing that he's actually been cursed, but it's still kind of hard to find. He's the Cursed Knight! The beginning of a terrible legacy! Imagine meeting a bunch of heroes for the first time, and instead of being relieved at having someone who understands your experiences, you're filled with horror at realizing that your victory was a false one. You didn't win. Your spirit will never be at rest. Imagine dealing with that realization for the rest of your life. You could never be at peace.

What I would like to see less focus on: I love that he loves his wife, but he's more just the fact that he's married, y'know? I would like to see a little less blind devotion to Hylia and Zelda, and more complicated feelings about being manipulated into being the hero.

Favorite pairing with: Sun/Link/Groose OT3! I have no reasoning behind this other than I like Groose and Groose definitely had a crush on SkSw Link.

Favorite friendship: I won't answer Groose again even if I want to, so I'll say Warriors. I cannot begin to describe how elite this friendship would be if you gave it a chance. They're just two boys dealing with unique positions of leadership and responsibility. They would probably even bond over being shitheads at different ends of the shithead spectrum. It's so good, okay?

NOTP: Ghirahim. I'm not too adverse to this one, but the ship hinges on whether you can redeem Ghirahim or not. In my opinion, Ghirahim is awesome because he's such a fun villain. Redeeming him ruins the fun.

Favorite headcanon: I have a whole life story planned out for Sky. Basically, he lives to be close to 500 years old by the power of the Triforce. He is the Link throughout the Era of Chaos who banishes the Dark Interlopers to the Twilight Realm and seals the Triforce in the Sacred Realm. He actually seals himself in the Sacred Realm as well to keep the Triforce safe, and he fought Ganondorf in when he broke in. Sky, like Time and Wind, does not get a happy ending.

-Four-

What I love about them: Four is origin of the heroes of Hyrule being known for being children. What a legacy to leave behind. He's such an interesting case of an incarnation of the Hero's Spirit, too. He fought Vaati, and he did his job so well that Demise's next incarnation had to be Ganondorf. Four did his job the best out of everyone, and it came at the cost of creating a magic sword that changed him permanently. I like to think that the Four Sword was not meant to split him, that it was a mistake he made with the design. And it's sad, isn't it? You made a defective sword, and like any good sword, it has a symbolic double edge. It gifted you with so much, and yet he can never be the same again. And his story is never well-remembered because it is overshadowed by the Links who fought the King of Evil. He's does so much, yet his legacy is underappreciated.

What I hate about them: I want to prepare you for this Opinion, because I know it's unpopular. Are you ready? Okay. I don't like the Colors. I'm sorry. I want to like them, but they don't interest me at all. Because they are parts of Four’s personality, they have to be one-note archetypes which does not make for exciting storytelling. I also haven't found a fic yet that has been from Four's POV that did the internal monologue of the Colors in a way that wasn't a pain in the ass to read. Maybe if someone can figure out how to do the Colors in a way that doesn't feel like a drag, I would like them more. But in the end, I think Four himself is more interesting than the Colors.

Favorite Moment/Quote: The fact that he didn't want to touch the Master Sword because he doesn't trust magic swords. That is every I need to know about his opinion on his own adventures.

What I would like to see more focus on: I want more of Four as Four. It's getting harder to find content of Four being his own person first and the Colors second.

What I would like to see less focus on: Four being the Colors first and his own person second. There is something about viewing Four as this cover identity for the Colors that doesn't feel right. There's a balance that needs to be strike between his ability to split, how that affects his every day life, and his own identity of being Four. I think I may have read one fic that hit that sweet spot for me, but still.

Favorite pairing with: Shadow. I'm such a sucker for befriending and falling for the enemy. That is all.

Favorite friendship: Dot! Their friendship is super cute. I like the idea of them being super close when they were younger and struggling to keep the friendship going as they age due to how much their paths in life diverge.

NOTP: This isn't necessarily a Four or an LU problem, but people who ship the Colors together? Bro. C'mon.

Favorite headcanon: I'm torn between two different Four and the Master Sword headcanons. On one hand, Four thinking that the Master Sword is just legend until he meets Sky and everyone else is just a fun idea. He sees the legendary sword for the first time and his mind is blown. On the other hand, I also like my Four with a side of hubris. What if he had the option on his quest to draw the Master Sword himself? What if he could tell that if he did that, the consequences would be terrible. He's not sure what would happen, but he knows it would be terrible. So he decided to make his own sword instead to disastrous results. Wouldn't that be tragic or what?

-Time-

What I love about them: Last winter, I did a two hour powerpoint for my friends about the Legend of Zelda timeline. During that powerpoint, I was rating every iteration of Link. What I said about the Hero of Time then holds true to my thoughts of LU Time now. Time is the original Link, more so than Sky in the lore and Legend/Hyrule in real life. Every other hero is a reflection of him. So the fact that his story is about the loss of childhood and the tragedy of that is incredible, and you can see those themes reflected in every other game. Moreso, he’s the only Link with a confirmed tragic ending. Not only does he end his life unsatisfied, but his adventure is failure on every timeline. In the adult timeline, Hyrule is swallowed by the sea. In the child one, Ganondorf returns again. In the fallen timeline, Hyrule fell. I like the idea since that the games themselves are the legends that are past down about each hero, Hylians have also remembered Time as a tragic figure. Yet, they also remember that the happy moments for his life come from small acts of kindness. Even someone as sad as him finds joy in helping others, even if it’s just to small deeds that will not be heralded as grand heroic quests. It’s beautiful.

What I hate about them: This is more about Mask than Time, but Mask is not an adult in a child’s body. He did not rewind time in Termina enough to be considered mentally an adult. He’s a young teenager at best, and that’s me being generous. He is a child who was forced to be an adult and despite the gods being done with him, he cannot conceive of ever having a childhood again. So he can say all he wants that he’s an adult, but he is not. That’s just what he thinks he is.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Anytime we get a flashback to him being a younger adult is great. I want to see more of his in this his early adulthood.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think I just want more of Time being... not a bad leader, but being an imperfect one. I honestly think he’s only the leader because he’s the oldest and enough of the heroes recognize the title of Hero of Time. But he is not the leader type, and he is struggling to keep it together and has to defer to Twilight and Warriors for help a lot.

What I would like to see less focus on: I’m not the biggest fan of Dad!Time for any of the Links. He’s not emotionally ready for it. And I think he defaults to treating the boys like adults because that’s how he wanted to be treated when he was their age.

Favorite pairing with: Malon. He has this great partnership of equal respect with her and it’s just. So good.

Favorite friendship: Linebeck. I know. This exists only in my head. But if these two ever meet, you cannot convince me that they would not get along swimmingly. It would be so good (once Linebeck gets over his crush on Time and stops hitting on him, of course).

NOTP: Child Timeline Zelda. Let me explain: I fully believe in Bi Time supremacy, and when in OoT, he definitely had a crush on Sheik. However, one of the worst parts of rewinding time and being in the child timeline is that Zelda is a completely different person now. They may have been friends in the other timeline, but her life experiences are completely different now. She is not the same person as he once knew. And it’s tragic to know someone as who they could have been, not as they are.

Favorite headcanon: After Termina, Time spent a lot of time with the Nabooru because out of everyone he knew, she’s the only who took him seriously even as a child. She has big older sister energy, and he considers her a part of his family. However, being treated as such made it easier for him to ignore his issues and put off his healing process by a few years.

-Legend-

What I love about them: Veteran of Heroes! What a freaking title. I love that he keeps on finding adventures, and that he keeps hustling. Even if he complains about never getting a break, you can tell that he loves helping others. He loves being on the road, never settling down, and finding adventure after adventure. Honestly, if any of the Links had a calling to be a hero, it’s him. Is he tired? Sure. Is he a little jaded after having saved Hyrule and a bunch of other kingdoms multiple times? Yes. But at the end of the day, he likes being a hero. This is who he is. His complaining is not genuine; he just plays the martyr because, at this point, he’s earned the right to.

What I hate about them: If you can’t tell by now, I have a, uh, different interpretation of Legend from popular canon. Fandom Legend is not right to me. He is unrecognizable. It is hard to write him because I feel like I have to balance what other people think Legend should be versus how I think he is. The people who are big Legend enjoyers probably feel the same way about my version of Warriors, and that’s fine. I’m not going to gel with every character and I don’t expect everyone to gel with how I see characters either. It’s goes both ways, y’know.

Favorite Moment/Quote: I like how subtly he tried to approach the Wolfie problem at first, trying to ask questions and get more proof before confronting Twilight. It’s a good touch.

What I would like to see more focus on: If I had to choose one thing, it’s this one throw away line about him never wanting to settle down. I’m telling you, folks! He likes his lifestyle! And did you see him when he does presenting the origins of the hero? He’s not bitter about being a hero! Legend is moody, but he is not angsty about the whole hero thing. Have fun with him please!

What I would like to see less focus on: If you can’t tell by now, Legend is my least favorite Link. There is a lot I want to see less of, but just to name one thing, it’s the headcanon that Fable is his sister. I live and die by common born Link, and whether he’s a legitimate heir or the royal bastard, I am more than bored with the persistent Prince!Legend content.

Favorite pairing with: Marin. It’s a good tragic story and I like it well enough. She’s cute, and he’s cute with her.

Favorite friendship: Warriors. I’m with everyone else on these two have peak sibling energy. They tease and pick on each other, but only they are allowed to mess with each other. They’re each other’s bully, and it’s always good to see.

NOTP: I do not have enough energy to have a lot of strong opinions about Legend’s romantic relationships, but I will mentioned that I have lost a lot of love for Ravio recently and am liking seeing him with Legend less and less. I have no better reason for this than the fact that I finally played ALBW and hate how many of my hard earned rupees he’s taken from me by withholding important, lifesaving items. Rat bastard.

Favorite headcanon: Remember my headcanon about him being the coolest bad boy folk hero on the block because everyone thinks he kidnapped Zelda? Yeah, I still stand by that one. I did good there.

-Hyrule-

What I love about them: If there is any Link that I would call a gutter rat, it is this one. I struggle a bit to talk about Hyrule since his games gives us so little, but in the end, I always fall back on him being a hero of the people. He is the one who has nothing and relates the best to people who are at their lowest. Yet, he is still a hero. He earns the right to be a hero because he helped Impa in her time of need. He’s selfless and competent. Even if he never got a traditional education, I bet he’s wicked smart too. He is the Link that symbolizes all of the parts of the Triforce the most. And, god. I cannot talk about him without mentioning the blood sacrifice part of LA. It’s such a cool concept, and I cannot imagine what it must be like to go from being the rough and tumble, win-at-all-costs fighting to protecting yourself first because if you don’t, the consequences are disastrous. It’s paradoxical, and it must be such a different mindset to fall into. But it must also be a blessing in disguise since now he has a reason to finally care about himself.

What I hate about them: Who started the Hyrule is innocent headcanon? Come over here because we need to exchange some words. If there is anyone who would be a realist and know how the world works, it’s this guy. And while we’re here, who came up with the Hryule is always lost headcanon? I also have some words for you. And you know what? WHILE WE’RE HERE, who let him be named Hyrule? I’m have more than choice words for you. His name scheme is the bane of my existence and the express reason why I don’t write him more. God.

Favorite Moment/Quote: That one panel where he takes utter delight in Warriors hiding from his scorned lovers? That is a central pillar in my understanding of Hyrule.

What I would like to see more focus on: Again, his relationship with other people. Even if his games are lacking in NPCs, we know from lore that he’s a good guy who will jump in to help others. He must know plenty of people, and I want to see who exists in his world with him.

What I would like to see less focus on: I have an on-going joke with my brother that certain characters are Catholic, even if Catholicism does not exist in the world of the thing we’re watching or playing. Of course, we’re not being serious. we’re just joshing around. So imagine the gut punch I feel whenever I see people say Hyrule is Christian and realize that they’re being serious. I just can’t take it seriously.

Favorite pairing with: Aurora. It’s cute and I’m a sucker for that hero and royalty dynamic, especially when the hero is a peasant. It’s so cheesy, but I love it.

Favorite friendship: Legend. But not the way everyone else pairs them up as the grumpy one and the sunshine one. I think of it more as them being the pinnacle of boys being boys. They’re shitheads. They do stupid shit together. They both have a dark sense of humor. They joke that they’re practically the same person sometimes.

NOTP: uhhhhhhhhh.... Is he paired with anyone else?

Favorite headcanon: I love the idea that he just likes his way of life and refuses to accept anyone saying otherwise. Legend wants to teach him to read? Sorry, but he’s never had to read before in his life so he’s pretty sure he’ll never need it anyway. Want to participate in the treasured Hylian tradition of piercing your ears when you come of age? Why would he ever do that when a monster could rip those earrings off? He’s stuck in his ways and it frustrates everyone else to no end, but he has no interest in ever changing.

-Wild-

What I love about them: When I was 9, I spent my time online on Legend of Zelda forums. I remember one of my forum friends saying that they wanted a Legend of Zelda game where Link lost. And I think of that friend whenever I think about Wild. BOTW Link is the best Link that has ever been. He is the epitome of every trait we associate with any Link. He’s smart and sassy. He’s hard working and kind. But underlining all of that is the fact that he’s still the one who failed. If Demise’s Curse in SkSw is the set-up, the Great Calamity is the payoff. And I haven’t even talked about how confirming him as being non-verbal before the Calamity does so much for his characterization. I don’t even know where to start or how to articulate it. By game storyline alone, Wild is one of my favorites.

What I hate about them: You guys knew this one was coming, but I’m going to have to say it anyway. Fandom Wild.... not good. I’ve said it for half of these boys so far, but god is it true. I have a way I see Wild that is rarely done in the fandom. Fandom Wild has a lot of the traits I also see in Wild, but to all of the extremes. I will mention one thing in particular as being a pet peeve, and it’s how some people headcanon him as always being nonverbal. I know what they’re trying to do, and I think they’re on to something, but they’re also missing the point of what BOTW Link’s character arc is. I just wish more people would forget fandom and work more off of the games for how to characterize him.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Weirdly enough, my favorite moment is when he got mad at everyone for making fun of his Gerudo outfit, so he dumped Goron Spice in his cooking. It’s encapsulates a part of his character I think a lot of people forget about.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think he has a really complicated relationship with his past. He said himself that his old self felt like a different person, and I think that should be explored a lot more. That idea actually fascinates me so much that instead of CTB, I almost wrote a character study fic about Wild. His emotions are not as simple as feeling guilty about letting his friends die and not preventing the Calamity. His emotions would be so complicated and because I don’t have the time to explore it, someone else needs to do it for me.

What I would like to see less focus on: There is a weird fascination with Wild having memory loss and essentially being like a kid again. And this feels infantilizing to me. It honestly bugs me a lot every time I see it.

Favorite pairing with: I can’t decide between Zelda, Mipha, and Revali. They’re all different dynamics and they’re all good.

Favorite friendship: Paya. I firmly believe that Paya is Wild’s best friend. I am the only one in the world who believes this. But I am also the only one in the world who is correct.

NOTP: Wild is good with everyone. Good for him!

Favorite headcanon: An essential scene of my Wild character study I will never write is one where his horse dies. He goes into shock and walks back to Kakariko to talk to Impa. But once he goes to her, he breaks down in tears and has an absolute melt down over the horse. And Impa sagely says, “It’s not about the horse, is it?” She’s implying that he’s actually mourning the loss of his friends, Hyrule, his life, everything-- but through his tears, he keeps tell her that she’s wrong. He barely remembers them. He doesn’t know them. He doesn’t have any feelings about them. He just really loved that horse. But Impa refuses to listen to him, just repeating over and over again: “it’s not really about the horse.”

And that’s it! That’s all of my opinions! I know a lot of my opinions are polarizing, but everything I said is in good faith, and I am not trying to diss anyone for how they approach these characters.

I welcome you to send me your Opinions on the Links, even if it’s just to disagree with me. I’m cool with it, and I like knowing what everyone else thinks!

#so there are my polarizing opinions #heed my note at the beginning and end about acting in good faith #anyway if you read all of this you are obligated to tell me some of your headcanons and opinions #sorry i don't make the rules except i actually do #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu #lu sky #lu four #lu time #lu legend #lu hyrule #lu wild #lu twilight #lu wind #lu warriors #me rambling #ask #anonymous

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acheez · 3 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/32465941/chapters/80509633

you asked for it! have my favorite Luci smut I've ever written 😅😁

I will dissect this into 3 or 4 key points cause this is one of my favorite fics like I am not shitting myself or yourself with this statement

The way you start the fic? Amazing. I loved the vocabulary you used (I could never bye) but I loved lucifer inner monologue per se about him hurting you and you hurting him in a sense of demon behavior deprivation. He is a fucking sadistic little meow meow but also he is very human as well and commits the same mistakes and feels the same things anyone that shares any part of his personality would feel

Sex. Look, I love, and I mean it in the "i love this trope more than i love my own mother" way the somnophilia kink. and when this motherfucker put those two filthy, long and very cummeable fingers inside I came, I conquered and I went outside to run a marathon. But the counterpart is that pet and master isnt my cup of tea. HOWEVER and I say this clapping with my ass cheeks, I love the tone and how he says it. It makes me feel almost humiliated and mortified. Reduced to a fucking piece of shi- wait no my dog ain't shit, she does it but yk. It made me feel tiny and insignificant like myself cause how I am 154cm tall OKAY LETS MOVE ON

nipple play. sir. oliver twist my nipples like candy envelope, twist them open if you need motherfucker but fuck you for denying my orgasm. I will fill a formal complain against you lucifer morningstar and put a star up yo ass and send you flyin' to the celestial realm

so far the first chapter only let's continue with the other two

GOLDEN BOI MAMMON CAMEO BEING IGNORED because my fucking sex is on fire *copyright by kings of leon* but bby bby when your shitty older brother started CSI me on you and if you could smell my golden drip lemme tell you, call me pussycat doll casue he pushin all my buttons. BYE I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH I AM JUST COMMENTING ON ANYTHING THIS IS A BLAST FUCKING HELL YEAH but I have to move forward to britney cause he said "strip" and you know me, you know I am a slave for that man and the second he said "masturbate" jesus fuck I enrolled in the army casue you had me saying yes sir over and over again

one thing I love, and I think I stated it clear is that, no, I dont like petplay but I am a motherfucking chewing toy. GOD THAT WAS SO HOT YOU HAVE NO CLUE, HAD TO TURN MY AC ON. IMMA SEND YOU MY ELECTRICITY BILL CASUE THIS YA FAULT

third chapter I have no longer thoughts, head empty, hand in pants stroking my cock

I WILL CALL MY LAWYER ON YOU NOW. how dare you make him touch himself the second I am out, mf. But he came fast, under a minute setrling new world record. Let's congratulate fast cummer lucifer ladies and gentlemen and in betweeners

If YOU DENY ME ANOTHER ORGASM I WILL DENY YOU BALLS PRIVILEGE. lemme become doctor house and castrate you morningstar. Nvm RIGHTS BACK. You praised me, I feel like the praising broke me bro...... left me ready to be taken to the pokecenter and be taken care of mf brock is JEALOUS. BUT I LOVE THIS PRAISING I AM ON MY KNEES THIS IS SO GOOD

"LOOK AT ME" yes I am looking at you jme, I saw what you did there ..... and I wish I've seen more NAH BUT LIKE I CANT CONTAIN MY HORNINESS ANYMORE JME LOOK HOW LONG THIS ANSWER IS. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO SAY THAN

"MINE" yes yes yes Lucifer call me the arctic monkeys cause I wanna be and baby i am yours. okay I SERIOUSLY CANT ANYMORE CANT U SEE HOW GRADUALLY IVE BEEN LOSING MY SHIT?

READ JME FIC HERE OR ELSE ..... *tragic music*

#lets pretend this isnt acted in need for me to show the world that you make my cock ROCK HARD OKAY LETS MOVE ON #imma take a cold shower or dial lucifer casue i re read it and now the rock hard went to painfilly hard and i need a doc #LONG STORY SHORT FUCKERS READ THIS FIC #fan mail #fan: jme

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finnskeeper · 4 years

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Critical Role - Campaign 1 (Thoughts Machina): Episodes 22-33

AKA: WHAT THE HELL, PERCY?

PIKE IS BACK!

VAX: Vex kind of broke the carpet. VEX: I. DID. NOT. (Peak sibling behavior)

Kiki? Adorable

Grog haggling UP...OMG

Aaaaaaand Laura rolls another Nat 20 for haggling

Grog the Victorious!! #Justice4Phillip

Grog using a severed arm to give a thumbs up is PEAK Grog and I love it

Keyleth helping Vax to pretty up Trinket with bows and flowers. It’s important to do creative things together.

MAJESTIC BEARD GROG VAX NO

Uh...is Percy building an Iron Man gauntlet?

LOL Everything Percy makes is an item from Smash Bros - 12.5% chance of exploding

I am offended that Laura taught her bear how to roll through an entire swath of squares and didn't immediately name the move "The Katamari"

*Briarwood Arc begins* “Bring on the emotional flogging.”

Ah, the old "they died of a mysterious illness and left everything to us" ploy. I see you Sylas Briarwood

Vax...I say this with the utmost respect and love, darling...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Liam having fun with Matt during this exchange is giving me life. Laura slapping Liam angrily in response out of fear of the DM retribution is even better.

VAMPIRES?!? AMAZING

"Jenga." LET'S GOOOOO

Liam, my dude, we've talked about this. You cannot throw in these fucking monologues that rend all of our hearts in twain all the time. We simply cannot handle it. You’re not allowed to think goodbye thoughts anymore.

Good gods she even haggles the DM

2 Nat 20's in a row! Don't fuck with the twins y'all (I guess that means the shopping trip is cancelled?)

"SYLAS!" YASS FAM. FUCK HIM UP.

"You're soul is now forfeit!" Uh...you okay there buddy?

*in bad Russian accent* "Whole team is cows!"

So many cow puns

Team cow is amazing and I love this game

Side Note: 6 Miles of Dragons is a great band name

"You want to build a militia?" "I want to build a rebellion."

OOF That scene at the Sun Tree...that’s fucked up fam.

What level is that door?!?

"The butt flap of my soul is down." LOL Percy

HOW did Scanlan just kill that vampire? Mocking it to death? Excellent.

I gotta say, Scanbo’s Day Out was certainly something to behold. Everyone loves dinosaurs (except for that one guy)

3 crits?! Mercer have mercy

VAX: "You hung people from the Sun Tree?" GUARD: “Yeah, as a warning.” VAX: “Where I saw that child?” *immediately slits his throat* (And just like that, Vax solidifies his place atop the leaderboard)

PIKE GOAN FUCK SOME SKELETONS UP

"I Percy'ed" LOL That's officially a thing now?

Lol Vax rushing up to help Pike and then punching a skeleton in the noggin is peak disaster friend and I love him

Behold Vox Machina’s archenemy: Doors

Pike is wrecking shop and I love it. They definitely needed this boost to their morale and their fighting power.

Vax fucking with Grog while he sleeps like an annoying little brother gives me life

The Doors of Whitestone, A Saga

"You are, at the moment, the luckiest person in Whitestone. Do you know why? Because you're at the bottom of my list." DAMN SON

The Undying King?? Matthew Fucking Mercer, ladies and gentlemen *insert the connected dots gif* AND RESIDUUM? good god the dm chops on this one

HOW MANY NAT 20s IS THAT, TALIESIN??

“You know I’m in love with you right?” ROFL @ everyone’s face journeys.

Character Rankings (As of Episode 33):

1) Vax (It was super close for a while. Percy’s been edging closer and closer. Then Vax slit a guard’s throat, without hesitation, for hanging a child and that was it.)

2) Percy (this entire arc has been fantastic. Everyone who sent me a message was absolutely correct. I love it.)

3) Pike (She rolled a Nat 20 to leap into a horde of skeletons and then proceeded to vaporize half of said horde with her divine presence. It’s honestly a crime she isn’t #1, but she’s simply not present enough to have staying power in my head)

4) Grog (I love one chaotic bastard and his name is Not Phillip.)

5-7) Keyleth/Vex/Scanlan (I honestly could not pick between them. They’ve all had some great moments and some not so great moments. Vex may have the edge simply because I love bears so goddamn much. Sam’s songs are fucking amazing. And that entire dinosaur debacle was a ROLLERCOASTER and I loved every second of it. Keyleth is so pure but so powerful, and the way she constantly thinks about anyone other than herself is both refreshing and infuriating sometimes).

#critical role #vox machina #campaign 1 #thoughts machina #vax'ildan #percy de rolo #pike trickfoot #grog #keyleth #vex'ahlia #scanlan shorthalt #yes I left Tiberius off on purpose #I wish Orion no ill will #but Tiberius was beginning to grate on my nerves

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bestfrownsforever · 4 years

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Frown of Doom: Chapter 4

(Cover art by Michelle & text by me)

Hawkodile, Puppycorn, and Dr. Fox drove on his motorcycle, his trike, and Unikitty’s cloud car respectively, one after the other in a speeding line, from the garage to the opposite side of the world.

As they drove through the Frowntown, streets they found it funny that it didn’t look much different from the last time they went long ago. They expected worse, but it was still indifferently bleak and drab as ever.

(Art by @astraldoodlez)

“Guess a crazy supervillain wandering around doesn’t matter a whole lot to these people,” Hawkodile wondered.

“It’s still Frowntown,” Puppycorn said, feeling certain, “They’re never gonna stop being cranky.”

“Alright,” Dr. Fox announced suddenly, looking at the cloud car’s GPS, “The Doom Lord lair should be just up ahead. Remember, be as careful as you can when we get there!”

“Yeah, we got this, Dr. Fox!” Puppycorn assured her before staring blankly ahead, “But wait, careful about what again?”

Hawkodile and Dr. Fox groaned, the latter slamming herself onto the cloud car’s horn as she drove.

“Ok one more time,” Hawkodile said firmly, turning around to face Puppycorn, “Dr. Fox and I are gonna distract Master Frown and lure him outside while you sneak in and look for Unikitty. Chances are Frown will have Brock fight alongside him to even out the fight, but if not, fingers crossed that he can secretly help you. But if he’s possessed, you run and come find us. Got it?”

“Yep!” Puppycorn nodded.

“Ok good,” Hawkodile said, “cause we’re here!”

The line of vehicles stopped and Puppycorn hopped out of his trike first.

“Yeah, let’s get Unikitty back!”

“You should’ve said ‘fingers double crossed’,” Dr. Fox mumbled to Hawkodile as they followed him.

To the friends’ advantage, Master Frown and Possessed Brock were unaware of anything going on outside.

“So while you were dramatically monologuing on the roof again, I had to keep Unikitty from waking up over and over again. Let me tell you, we messed her up pretty bad-“

A loud bang on the door interrupted Possessed Brock.

“OPEN UP AND GIVE US OUR PRINCESS, FROWN!” they heard Hawkodile yell.

“Oh no they’re here!” Master Frown shrieked and ran to the door, “Keep the place from getting messier while I finish them.” “By yourself?” Possessed Brock asked. “Well yeah,” Master Frown shrugged, trying to be optimistic, “I almost got them last time, so this’ll be it!”

But Master Frown didn’t feel as confident after he shut the door and turned around, face to face with a furious Hawkodile.

“Wow uh,” Master Frown forced a laugh, “fancy seeing you come all the way out here, huh? Guess you want to die more than I thought.”

“Don’t act surprised,” Hawkodile grunted, softly yet fiercely, “You’re scared. We can see it!”

Master Frown tried faking laughter again. “Scared!? No! I just…didn’t expect to see you back for more already, that’s all. But it won’t matter.” He pointed at Dr. Fox. “Doesn’t seem like ‘Doctor Accidents’ over there will do a lot after last time.”

“HEY!” Dr. Fox yelled, marching his way, “What happened yesterday was completely unfair and you know it!”

“Well DUH!” the Doom Lord yelled back, “It’s my job to MAKE things unfair!”

“Touché, Frowny, but there’s still nothing you can do to stop us. Doesn’t matter what you do to Unikitty, we’ll still find a way to get her back! No one messes with her and gets away with it, especially you!”

“Oh I already did, what’s your point!?”

(Art by @samthecookielord)

As the two went back and forth, Hawkodile helped Puppycorn sneak past them and into the entrance. Though Puppycorn’s first few steps were steady, Possessed Brock heard him and turned around armed with his scythe.

“Hey, who goes there!?”

Puppycorn screamed and put his paws up.

And despite being in the middle of an argument, Master Frown could hear it all from behind him.

“Why am I even fighting you with words? You should be dead already, SO STOP STALLING!”

As he used all of his power to try tackling his opponents, he lost control over Possessed Brock and the mindless shell regained consciousness before he could lay a hand or blade on the puppy.

“What the…!?” Brock threw his scythe on the ground, hoping the first time he saw the prince in months didn’t start off bad, “Hi Puppycorn.”

“Huh? Oh right, normal eyes doesn’t mean evil.”

“Yeah, heheh…don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you…and really hope I already didn’t.”

“Nah I’m good.”

“Ok great. But how’d you get in here!?”

“Dr. Fox and Hawkodile are right outside fighting Master Frown. We came to save Unikitty as a team!”

“Awesome!” Brock said, pointing to one of the hallways, “Go down that way and you’ll find her in the first room on the left. Master Frown’s gonna kill me if he catches me helping you, though, so sorry but you’ll have to get her by yourself.”

“Alright,” Puppycorn said, making his way to the conference room as Master Frown tried lifting inanimate objects to throw at his enemies to little avail.

“I know Puppycorn’s in there,” he shouted, “you’re lucky I hate you two as much as him, because he’s getting it worse as soon as you’re gone!!!”

“Oh really?” Dr. Fox tried laughing off the pain as she shot the rocks and metal bars with a ray gun, “That sounds like we’re a step ahead of you to me! I told you no one messes with Unikitty and gets away with it, didn’t I?”

Master Frown grunted with rage, set on crushing the doctor with a street sign when Hawkodile pushed her away in time.

“He’s not gonna stop,” Hawkodile warned, “we gotta crank it up a notch!”

“Agreed!”

A shadow loomed over them with plans to crush them, and Master Frown’s mech slammed the ground so hard that it formed a crater in the street when they dodged it.

“Sounds like a good way to start round two to me,” he snarked, “or in your case, THE FINAL ROUND!!!”

(Art by @arekusatheamazingx)

Dr. Fox hopped into Unikitty’s cloud car and pressed the emergency button to turn it into its own mech form as Master Frown laughed. Hawkodile stood at her side and charged at their foe as he did back, but afterwards his punches and kicks weren’t enough to leave a dent. Still, Hawkodile tried as Master Frown dodged the moves he could until he picked the bodyguard up with one robotic hand and flicked him away with the other.

Not even a second before the red-eyed lowlife could continue with Hawkodile, Dr. Fox knocked his mech down with the cloud car’s. But he got up and fought back, starting to have the upper hand in the fight. And after he had the scientist right where he wanted her, he smashed the cloud car to pieces and sent her flying. She landed next to Hawkodile with a hard thud.

“He’s unstoppable,” she groaned, “Hawkodile, what do we do now!?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Hawkodile yelled as if he blew a fuse, “What kind of idiot writes stuff like this anyway!?”

(Art by me...sorry for the gross quality)

As the fight took a turn for the worse, Puppycorn peeked into the conference room.

“Uhh…hello?”

But looking ahead he found his sister lying in the cage, cried “SIS! THERE YOU ARE, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!”, and almost crashed into the cage. But he stopped wagging his tail and laughing when he realized she was hardly moving.

“Sis? Are you ok?”

Still no answer. He walked around to the other side of the cage to see Unikitty’s peacefully resting face. He knelt down to try getting closer.

“Come on sis! Unikitty, can you hear me!? It’s me, Puppycorn!” Tears formed in his eyes as he was met with more silence. “Please sis, you have to wake up! We need you!!….I need you.”

He hung his head low and started crying, slowly waking Unikitty up. She moved around rigidly and opened her eyes, making Puppycorn jump up for joy.

“SIS, YOU’RE ALIVE!!!” he cried again, this time joyfully.

“Puppycorn?”

“YOU SCARED ME BUT I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE OKAY!!!”

“PUPPYCORN!!!”

The siblings hugged each other through the cage, filling the room with laughter, tears, and tons of happy sparkle matter.

Unikitty broke the hug. “Puppycorn, what are you doing here? And HOW did you get in???”

“We came to save you! Lemme just get you out of this cage and then outside so we can help Dr. Fox and Hawkodile beat Master Frown up and then maybe-“

“NO!”

“Huh?”

Puppycorn saw the unusually different attitude in Unikitty’s face and shaking body.

“I’m super happy that Dr. Fox and Hawkodile are still alive, and yeah they’re really really tough, but Master Frown is REALLY REALLY evil now, and even they might not be strong enough to beat him! How did the last fight even go!?”

“Oh it was crazy, Hawkodile’s arm almost came clean off!”

“REALLY!?”

“Yeah, but it’s ok,”

“NO IT’S NOT! You’re lucky you didn’t see what I did! Trust me when I say that Frown’s nothing like he used to be, and I’ll do whatever I can to punish him for everything he’s done!!!”

“Oh wow, ok.”

(Art by Hawky Boi)

“Don’t worry, little bro,” Unikitty said, trying to soother her brother by petting his head, “You and our friends won’t get hurt anymore on my watch. If you’re not safe and he comes after you again, then that means I failed you, which ISN’T HAPPENING!!!”

“Great, great,” Puppycorn took a step back after Unikitty’s brief second of anger, “does that mean we can get out of here already? This place is creeping me out.”

“Me too, but the key-“

“Puppycorn headbutted into the cage, his horn jamming into the lock and swinging the door open.

“What key?” he asked as he hopped down.

“Nevermind,” Unikitty said, stepping out of the cage, “Now…”

She roared as she turned angry again, destroying the conference room and beyond, carrying Puppycorn, and leaving a blazing trail behind as she left the building to find Hawkodile and Dr. Fox huddled up against a wall and Master Frown about to crush them with his mech’s fists.

“HEY!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!”

Everyone turned the siblings’ way.

“UNIKITTY!!!” Dr. Fox and Hawkodile rejoiced. “Puppycorn, you actually did it!” Dr. Fox then said, “We’re so proud of you!”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” Master Frown fumed with anger of his own.

His mech stomped their way and prepared to crush them, but Unikitty flew away with Puppycorn in time to miss the blow and towards their friends, where she handed him to Hawkodile.

“Unikitty,” Dr. Fox asked as she hugged the princess, “are you ok!?”

“NO,” Unikitty bursted into her angry form and back to her normal self in a second, “Thank you for saving me, but this isn’t your fight. IT’S MINE!!!” She turned angry again, crushing the cement in front of her into pebbles and scaring her friends.

“Princess,” Hawkodile worriedly asked, “what happened to you?”

“I learned about what Master Frown’s been doing this whole time,” Unikitty solemnly said, “and now I’m gonna avenge all the lives that he ruined!”

“I HEARD THAT, YOU KNOW!” Master Frown yelled, hopping out of his mech and walking towards Unikitty, “but you sound promising. So how’s this sound…you sound like you really want a fight, don’t you?”

(Art by @drfoxs-lab)

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Unikitty snarled, “Leave them alone, and I’ll give you the fight of your life on behalf of everyone you’ve harassed, stolen from, and killed!”

Master Frown laughed. “Oh-ho Unikitty, you still have no idea what you’re getting into. But I’m loving this idea with every second!”

“Good, and I want a REAL, FAIR FIGHT! No mechs, no tricks, no one else, just you and me. And you’ve got your powers while I’ve got my rage, so we should be even.”

Master Frown held Plague’s beak with his crimson-colored aura and caressed it with his hands.

“Fine, but ‘fair’ might be a little subjective, don’tcha think?”

Unikitty growled, her fur almost turning red again until she said “Save it for the battlefield. And meet me back in the Unikingdom.”

“With pleasure,” Master Frown tried holding back chuckles as he walked away, “But who’s gonna get there first?”

Everyone watch him zoom away in his car, leaving a dusty storm behind.

“Princess what did you just do?” Hawkodile asked. “The only thing I can do,” Unikitty sighed grimly, “Now let’s go!”

She flew away as fast as Master Frown drove when Brock opened the doors.

“Whew, finally put that fire out. Is everything ok?”

“Didn’t you hear, Brock?” Puppycorn asked, “Unikitty’s gonna fight Master Frown!”

“WHAT!? Really!?”

“Yeah!”

“Well we can’t just stand around, aren’t we gonna follow them!?”

“Well what else can we do?” Dr. Fox rhetorically asked. “Yeah,” Brock said, “guess you’re right. But I can’t let anything happen to either of them!”

“Neither can we,” Hawkodile said, “yet. Now quick, before anything gets out of hand!”

“Yeah,” Puppycorn yelled, following him back to their motorcycles, “let’s go!”

Brock climbed behind Hawkodile do go off with him, and Puppycorn was about to start his trike when Dr. Fox started up her teleporter.

“And you’re coming with me to the castle,” she said to Puppycorn’s dismay.

: ~~~ :

Unikitty gazed at Master Frown menacingly across the basketball court she used to play with her friends on, now feeling dozens of square miles bigger. Every time a bittersweet feeling came over her, her fury pushed it away as Master Frown’s arrogance wouldn’t change one bit.

After many persuasive attempts, Richard gave into watching the fight with his friends and Brock, who waited anxiously for the fight to start.

“Man, even the way they look at each other is intense,” Brock said, wondering what he’d do. Worse would definitely come to worse, but on which end?

“You sure you’re ok watching?” Dr. Fox asked, “I know he’s your best friend and all, but-“

“Yes,” Brock interrupted in a more serious tone.

“Cool,” Puppycorn said, cross-eyed, “‘cause I’m too young to be watching.”

“But not old enough to be on your own,” Hawkodile commented, “Plus they’re gonna start, so it’s too late to leave anyway!”

Everyone’s hearts raced as Unikitty stood taller.

“I still wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

Master Frown rolled his eyes. “Of course you do, but we’ve done enough talking.” He lifted some stones behind him and his “sword" telepathically.

“IT’S FINALLY OVER, DEADIKITTY!” he yelled, beginning to strike first. But the bad insult alone was enough to make Unikitty roar and turn angry again, this time her vengeance turning her angrier and even bigger. And it made Master Frown scream and start running away.

(Art by @usf2020)

All the hatred Unikitty lashed out kept Master Frown from standing much of a chance. She clawed, threw, bit, dove down on, and burned him with no mercy. The Doom Lord had hardly any time to get up and back on track, and relied desperately on what the power in him could control. But Unikitty would block, dodge, and knock almost every stone, street sign, trashcan, plant, or bench he was strong enough to hurl at her away. And every blow back at him was worse than the last.

As she took more of her trauma out and Master Frown struggled to stay alive, Puppycorn noticed that he was the only one paying attention anymore. Everyone else was trying to keep Brock from running into the battle.

“Come on,” Brock pleaded, “let me go! I have to get out there!”

“Are you crazy!?” Dr. Fox yelled, “This is the angriest Unikitty’s been in forever! If even the smallest accident happens, she can kill you!”

“That’s why I have to stop them.”

“Huh?” Everyone unknowingly let him go.

“She’ll kill him and it’ll be my fault!”

“How?” Puppycorn asked.

“Because,” Brock explained, “he told me to stay out of stuff like this, but if I can’t protect him then what can I do!?”

He dashed away to help Master Frown, who Unikitty sent flying and landed back-first against a giant boulder’s flat surface. He weakly tried getting up when Unikitty landed in front of him and swung her flaming paws up.

“THIS. ENDS. NOW!!!”

SLASH!

(Art by @friffinx)

But Brock took the blow instead. He held himself up and giggled quietly before collapsing.

“BROCK!!!” Unikitty and Master Frown both cried, the former turning blue and crying waterfalls and the latter holding him in his arms and lap.

“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH,” Unikitty panicked, “B-BROCK I’M SO SO SORRY, I-“

“NO!” Master Frown yelled tearfully, “YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO-“

“Dude stop,” Brock said with all the might he had left, “she didn’t deserve what we put her through…”

“THEN WHY DID YOU SAVE ME, YOU IDIOT!?” the shaky villain nearly sobbed.

“Because…” Brock lost more breath, consciousness, and his grip on Master Frown with every phrase, “no matter how good or bad…I couldn’t live with myself…if something happened to you.”

(Art by @x-master-brock-x)

Brock’s eyes closed and he fell into his friend’s arms.

“No, no, no no nonononONONONONONONONO BROCK!!!”

Master Frown shook Brock’s body and tears clouded his vision as Unikitty cried after him.

“M-MASTER FROWN,” she cried, “I-“

“SHUT UP! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! NOW HE’S GONE AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!”

Unikitty turned pink temporarily as a lightbulb flashed above her head.

“Wait, yeah there is! DR. FOX!!!”

She flew halfway through the court when her friends met her.

“DR. FOX,” Unikitty cried, “BROCK IS DYING AND WE NEED YOU TO HELP HIM!!!”

“I don’t know,” Dr. Fox said as she walked closer to the bleeding tombstone, “he may be too far gone already. But we’ll bring him to the lab just to be sure.”

Hawkodile knelt down beside her and moved his fingers down the side of Brock’s face.

“I can barely feel a pulse.”

“Well,” Dr. Fox said, “it’s still better than nothing.”

(Art by sofa_cryztal)

As she and Hawkodile moved Brock away from Master Frown, Puppycorn and Richard led Unikitty back to the bush they watched the fight from.

“Oh no, what have I done?” Unikitty cried and turned blue again, “WHAT HAVE I DONE!?”

“You left him open,” Puppycorn said, pointing at Master Frown, “this is your chance, sis! You can get back out there and beat him!”

“Seriously?” Richard disapprovingly asked.

“No,” Unikitty sniffled, “it wouldn’t be right. He’s losing his best friend over there and really needs our help! Look at him!”

“Well what if he tries to hurt us again?” Puppycorn asked, skeptical of the grief, despair, and hopelessness on Frown’s face.

“He will if Brock doesn’t make it,” Unikitty sadly said, “this is blood spilled on MY paws, little bro! I don’t know what I’ll do either! But we’re the only ones who can help him and Brock, so he might not want hurt us yet. And if things get better, then maybe he’ll stop everything he’s been trying to do after all.”

“Uhh..are you sure, sis?”

“Well,” Unikitty said, trying to feel some bit of hope amid her immense dread, “I’m trying to be.”

Master Frown closely followed Hawkodile and Dr. Fox as they carried Brock away, but they turned around and gave him menacing glares. He tried to be slower as well as not break down again with them so close, no matter how hard seeing his best and only friend almost dead in front of him made it.

Ono is he gonna be ok 😱

Well, you’ll have to stick around a bit longer to find out!

Until then, thank you again to all my co-artists! And this time almost all of them got to do pictures!

But wow, it’s hard to believe that the story’s already almost over! Doesn’t seem like too long ago when I was doing crappy art for some asks.

Just a little bit longer and you’ll finally get in on the spoilers I’ve had to hide for so long! Here’s to hoping it’ll be worth it.

45 notes · View notes

jedward5ever · 4 years

Text

Jacob and Edward

hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that.

setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet

edward: so what did you get for number 5?

Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it

edward: ok. why?

Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?

e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?

J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes

e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules

J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo

e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria

J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous

e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’

J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing

e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me

J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….

e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying

J: *mumbles something*

e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.

J: i said…..i….l...ll

e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT

j:......i….love……

e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*

J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*

e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*

J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……

e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?

J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot

e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth

J: what does it say man

e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it

J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...

e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on

Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*

LAMOAOAK

J: dude…...thats in the textbook????

e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…

J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….

e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook

J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha

e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u

J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?

e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*

J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS

J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..

e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again... monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…

J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..

e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…

J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?

e: no… *intense eye contact*

J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different

e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then accidentally looks down* bro… is that….

J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!

e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u

J: youre...attracted to me……

e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood

J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*

e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*

J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????

e: u tell me

J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have

e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs

J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then

e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways

J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick

e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….

J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck

e: well yeah more or less

the end

BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued

LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3

setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)

jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.

e: ugh. u again.

J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault

e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason

J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back

e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to

J:.........what do you mean…….

e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..

J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......

e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?

J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement

e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*

J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring

e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*

J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…

e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that back right fucking now

J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?

e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*

J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though

andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.

J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…

e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that

J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us

e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*

J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me

e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*

J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan

e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what

J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..

e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…

J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other

e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…

J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too

e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*

J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid

e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…

J: *steps closer* make...me…..

e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…

J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me

a/n: how fucking close are they now huh uhh like 3 ft apart ok

e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME

J: make me *smirks*

a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need

e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy

J: do it then…..

e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*

J: *dies*

e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*

J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*

a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL

e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard

a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO

J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?

e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that

J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*

e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME

a/n IM CRYING HAHA

J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you

e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog

J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…

e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.

J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….

e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.

a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW

J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..

e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess

a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)

J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place

e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…

J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers

e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.

J: what man???

e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.

J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember

e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.

J: ……...how?

e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.

J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….

e: *squints at him* what.

J: we could……..you know…. ..

e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.

J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you

e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*

J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight

e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?

J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right

e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.

a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person

J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting

a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP

e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*

a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW

J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…

e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*

J: you don't have to look away…..

e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.

J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….

e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay

J: maybe…..but so are you…….

END

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye

dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue

setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions

J: so make yourself at home i guess…..

e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?

J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are

e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..

a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie absolutely not

J;well like……...theres only one bed…

e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)

J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*

e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*

(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think

J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit

Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????

edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…

J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary

a/n: k so im billy now? If u want

billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*

edward: …

billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?

edward: .

J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go

e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now

(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)

(in jacobs room)

J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again

e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*

a/n HAHAHAHAHA

J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..

e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework

J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*

e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh

J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again

e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.

J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???

e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING

J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR

e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*

J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*

e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….

J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something

e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably

(but they on sacred land or smthn)

J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so now what???

e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…

J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world

e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad

J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever

e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*

J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*

e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*

J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U

e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….

J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……

e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.

J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me

e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok

a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels

J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….

e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*

J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho

e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY

J: *dies*

e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.

J: *still dead*

e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.

J: *just a fucking corpse*

e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.

J: *not alive*

e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird

BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT

*continuing edward monologue*

e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*

(billy comes out from behind the house)

J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad

Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall

e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?

J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know

Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*

e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?

J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????

e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.

J: how…..???

e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….

J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????

e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .

J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???

e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food

J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian

e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*

J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo

(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)

e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke

ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS

J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*

e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr

J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something

e: . im tired. u get something for me.

J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit

e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.

J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some

BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all

k anyways continue

J; here take this eat up

a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right

e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom

J: feel better now?

e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom

J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……

e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk

a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good

J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????

e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food

J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit

e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*

J: *rolls eyes*......

e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.

J: *says nothing but keeps looking*

e: *slurp* u want some then?

J: absolutely not

e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here

J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting

e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*

(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)

a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post YES

J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..

e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom

J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….

e: ur the one who hunted it.

J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks

e: what the fucks a mcdicks

J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..

e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…

J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh

e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again

J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want

e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what

J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???

e: do about what

J: me calling you small minded idiot

e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up

J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???

a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA

e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT

J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…

e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..

J: *steps closer* do it then

e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*

J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*

e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*

J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*

e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..

J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer

e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea

BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA

e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.

J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back

e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU

J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???

e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*

J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*

e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*

J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home

e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*

J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?

e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*

(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)

a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm

J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………

e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever

J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…

(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*

e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….

J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....

e: wait. do u hear that……..

(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)

bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys

a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW

J: uh…..who the fuck are you….

b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….

J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?

e: *uncomfotable.*

bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.

J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??

b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize

e: hhhhhhhhhh

J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??

bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*

e: wait…. u can’t

bella: y?

e: um……. bc….

J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….

e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?

b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)

J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?

bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e

e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT

bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*

J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……

(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS

e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT

J: …………*jumps at edward again*

e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*

(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)

e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE

J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……

(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)

e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!

bella: omg so cringe stop pls

J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……

(awake and unafraid asleep)

e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*

J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..

b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*

e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)

J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........

e: hmmmm,...... jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP

(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)

J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..

e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../��.///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG

j: *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….

(na na na is over and fades slowly bc bella closes her mouth)

b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN

e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…

J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..

e: *checks him for wounds*

bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him

J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*

b: stay down. that’s an order u dog

e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH

(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)

J: ………..

(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)

b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend

e: *blushes* bro not right now

b: no seriously

e: …..

b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?

e: ….

b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition

(what is this condition lemme think)

b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child

e: ok (?)

(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)

e: *goes back to jacob* helo

J: are you ok…….what went down??????

e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that

J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??

(the mist rises)

e: ok…. can you even walk?

J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*

e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber

BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH

a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u

(jacobs room)

J: ok im fine stop worrying

(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)

biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….

e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor

a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu

J: who…….

e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…

J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???

e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.

Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else

J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….

seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……

e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner

seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor

a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)

J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….

e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*

billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?

seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.

J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????

billy: JACOB (does he have a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..

seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?

J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool

e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*

seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…

J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*

a;/n: lMFAO

(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)

e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*

billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible

seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um …. ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me

e: *still staring at the wall* no

J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????

e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?

J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…

e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*

J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad

e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*

s: OH my fucking GOd *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*

J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*

e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*

billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid

seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome

J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…

seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?

billy: *leaves*

J: so i think i need a real doctor now

s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*

J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?

e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.

J: bruh why not u said u would earlier

e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.

J: dude come here let me see your head

e: no

J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way

e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….

J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??

e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr

J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?

e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad

J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???

e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move

J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…

e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*

J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…

e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*

(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)

J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…

e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier

J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????

e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that

J: dude wtf…..why are you like this

e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …

J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner

e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*

J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me

e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.

J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know

BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING

e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit

J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell

e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN

J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that

e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?

a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that

J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole

e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that

J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????

e: u tell me

a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu

J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……

e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work

J: you could have just asked…..

e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*

J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???

e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)

J: *dies*

e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on

J: *still dead*

e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly

J: *dead*

e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that

J: idk man but its a banger tho

e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh

J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….

e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…

J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????

e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches

J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???

e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .

a/n IM CRYING

J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before

e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in

J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man

e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life

J: i get so many bitches u would not believe

e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u

J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close

e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*

J: *angerily silent*.......

e: *starts laughing* like…….. i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah

J; *still silent* …………………….

(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )

e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm

J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........

e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..

J: *mumbles* go get it then……

e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….

J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..

e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package

J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot

e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk

J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man

e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*

(billy and other wolf members: :|

J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf

e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*

J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you

e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally

J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much

e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*

J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????

e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…

J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….

e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*

J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones

J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down

e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*

J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*

e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage

BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge

Sorry bro ok bye

(now is morning)

e: *been watching tik toks all night long*

J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh

e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working

J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….

e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….

J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….

e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life

J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this

e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?

J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot

e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..

J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u

e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..

J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……

e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?

J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……

e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*

J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….

e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?

J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….

e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….

J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….

e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..

J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….

e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time

J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO

e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog

J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving

e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….

J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????

e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there

J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now

e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo

J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..

e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?

J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..

e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……

J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r u always so fucking difficult

e: im not difficult bruh

J: u fucking r

e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway

J: alright sick

#twilight #Edward cullen #Jacob black #Bella swan #fanfiction #gay #lgbt

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teeentyonepilots · 5 years

Text

Hohoho it’s me, your Secret Santa, @neds-bayou !! It’s been great talking to you and I hope you have a fantastic day with lots of fun and celebration! I am so excited to reveal who I am so we can talk for real!

For your gift, I wrote you a fic and I hope you like it! I used some of your favorite story elements.

Merry Christmas, Hannah!!

Tyler knew he was the world’s biggest chicken but he swore he had good excuses as to why he’s never confessed his true feelings to Josh. From the moment he met Josh, he knew—over a year later able to recall longingly the dim lighting, a hue of red over his downright adorable face from the exit sign overhead which heralded their fateful meeting. Josh’s smile burnt into his retinas, and his handshake imprinted into the whirls of Tyler’s fingerprints.

Falling so quickly in love— something he was hesitant to even saying, feeling like it was too cliche— was unexpected and Tyler didn’t realize it for at least two months, and denied it for another six. After a lot of introspection and agonizing, he finally came to the conclusion that he was completely and deeply in love with Josh. They were just so compatible and everything worked so well.

Josh even pointed out early on how they were soulmates, in so many words.

“Dude, it feels like I’ve known you in like all my past lives, or something. I’ve never been this close to someone so fast and with anyone else I would feel uncomfortable telling that to, but with you…. man, I know you get what I mean.”

Tyler knew exactly what he meant and at the time, just agreed and acted like it was just some cool platonic joke they had, rather than a truth that made his heart race and palms sweat imagining who they were to each other throughout history.

He had a lot to wrestle with in the growth of his friendship with Josh; not just in acknowledging his feelings, but also allowing himself to love another man. While his family turned out to be more accepting over the years, there was still a lot holding Tyler back. The judgements of everyone else echoed horrifically, but worst of all was the thought that Josh wouldn’t accept him. Not having the feelings reciprocated was one thing that Tyler would have to deal with, breaking his heart. But having Josh utterly reject him for being attracted to him? Cutting all ties off? Tyler wouldn’t know what to do if that were to happen.

So he decided to live in waiting for the right moment, when he was finally sure it would turn out okay and he wouldn’t lose Josh in the process.

But there never was a ‘right’ moment. For every ounce of evidence, every nice thing Josh said to him or friend swearing up and down that he liked Tyler back, Tyler couldn’t take the plunge. There were many moments where he knew he was a breath away from planting a huge kiss on Josh’s lips but time and time again, he held back.

Being in a band together only complicated it all. Josh joined the band this past year and Tyler knew he couldn’t say anything after that happened. The music meant everything to the both of them and they made all the sacrifices to say that they didn’t want anything to come in the way of playing shows and touring

Telling Josh that he was in love with him would probably change their dynamic entirely, at worst— he would leave the band. There was too much of a risk so Tyler decided, for now, not to say those three words his heart begged him to say.

“What if I could guarantee it would work out?” Mark said, the usual victim to sit and listen to Tyler pine. “Josh likes you so, so much in return. It’s so obvious when he talks to you, and also when you’re not even there… it’s like you’re both already in a relationship with each other.”

Living with Tyler means he’s physically the closest person for Tyler to complain to, and it was plain he was getting tired of Tyler’s inaction. TV on in the background but Tyler was mid monologue before Mark finally had enough.

“It’s Christmas, just freaking pull him under the mistletoe and kiss him. He will kiss you back.” Mark threw his hands up. “I don’t know what more you want me to say.”

Tyler scoffed, “it's not that easy.”

“I think you’re gonna find out in the end that I’m right,” Mark vowed. Tyler was still doubtful.

…

Tyler also agonized over what gift to buy Josh for Christmas. They both didn’t have much money— most of their funds going towards equipment and touring. He knew Josh would be mad if he bought something expensive because Josh would know that Tyler would have to forgo food or something else just to pay for it.

Mark’s suggestions were less than helpful, in Tyler’s humble opinion. “Dude, just get on your knees, tell him you’re madly in love with him, and then suck his dick while you’re down there. That’s exactly what he wants for Christmas.”

“As much as I really, really want to do that, it’s not possible,” Tyler replied with a pained expression on his face.

“The only person stopping you is you,” Mark pointed out.

The pep talk was helpful but didn’t change anything. Tyler got Josh a cool color-changing X-Files mug filled with chocolate and a new pair of headphones because Josh’s pair broke on the drive home from their last show of the year. His headphones were important to him, helping to stave off his anxious thoughts. Tyler hoped it was thoughtful and meaningful enough.

...

They hosted a Christmas party at the rental house for friends the last weekend before the big day since everyone would be with their own families then. Josh showed up of course, looking festive and downright hot in an atrociously tinseled sweater which he leaned in to whisper in Tyler’s ear that he found it at Goodwill and added more tinsel. He was so close, Tyler could smell cinnamon lingering on his skin from the baking Josh helped his sister with every year.

Josh brought Tyler some cookies and he couldn’t help falling even more in love with him.

Tyler had to dive away from him like a grenade had been thrown— he could sight of Mark trying to sneak up on them with mistletoe on a string dangling from a fishing pole. He was resorting to some devilish tactics to make them kiss and Tyler army crawled away, leaving Josh looking… was that disappointment?

He could’ve cried; as the night wore on, if either of them came within a few feet of each other, Mark or anyone else would appear with the pole and Tyler would run. It was completely counter-productive. Josh and Tyler were incapable of spending any time together. Tyler was about to pull Mark aside to tell him to back the hell off, when a pair of hands grabbed him and pulled him towards the stairs.

“Quick, before they notice we’re gone,” Josh tugged Tyler towards the sanctuary of his room. (Their departure was seen by every person there, and silent fist pumps of celebration filled the room they left).

Josh sat down on Tyler’s bed, the boundary never existed for him. Quieter up here, Tyler felt less frantic with just the two of them, almost hanging out like normal, though Josh is looking at him with an unreadable expression— his eyes soft and endless. Josh patted the bed next to him and Tyler sat with their knees touching.

“Have barely seen you all night,” Josh’s voice was neutral, soft.

Tyler willed his throat to laugh, “it’s cuz of Mark and that stupid mistle-pole or whatever he’s calling it.”

“What? Do you not want to kiss me?” Josh’s voice is still soft, teasing him with a little smile, but Tyler still feels a sudden surge of adrenaline at being called out. “You kissed other people tonight; do I have a disease or something?” He nudged Tyler, “I’m just joking, dude. It’s fine.”

Tyler wasn’t sure if the shaking stayed out of his voice, but he retorted, “yeah, it’s a bad disease. No one else wants to tell you, but you’ve got a terminal case of dumbass-itis. Sorry you had to find out like this.”

Josh laughed and gave Tyler a noogie— pulling his head to his chest to ruffle his hair. “Okay, wow way to ruin Christmas.”

“Speaking of which!” Tyler remembered, “I’ve got your gift here.”

Josh perked up, “oh! Thanks! I completely forgot yours at my place. I guess that’s a symptom of dumbass-itis.”

“It’s all good.” Tyler assured him and grabbed it from under the bed.

“Ew, dude were you storing it with all your cum towels down there?”

“I wrapped it in my jizz tissues, bro,” Tyler shot back and Josh laughed as he unwrapped the mug.

“No way! New headphones! And the mug is awesome— thanks so much, Tyler!” Josh gave Tyler a one armed hug and Tyler smelt cinnamon again.

“Anytime, bro,” he mumbled into Josh’s neck, wishing Mark appeared with the mistletoe so he could finally be brave enough.

“The real gift is letting me be in your band,” Josh kept a hand on Tyler’s shoulder even though he pulled away.

“Our band,” Tyler reminded him. “And you saved the band by joining so I have a lot to be grateful for, with you. Like, not to get super sappy—”

“You just can’t help yourself, dude.”

“Nah, I can’t, but anyway, I dunno how I would be able to do it without you. You’re just… we’re meant to be in a band together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if we don’t make it, I’m just happy to be doing this with you.”

“Of course we’re gonna make it,” Josh said quietly, putting the mug down, so he could face Tyler completely.

This would’ve been the moment, Tyler knew he would regret it if he didn’t do something. But he felt paralyzed, stuck. He just wanted to know what Josh’s lips felt like against his, would he open up to meet his kiss, and how their bodies would move together. He needed so much, but all he could do with his mouth was whisper his name, “Josh…”

“Yeah?”

“I, Uh, I…. um… you’re… I’m really…”

Tyler never would’ve finished his thought, so Josh answered for him. Hands bracing his shoulders, Josh pulled him closer and pressed their faces together, finally kissing Tyler.

And Tyler knew.

His hands immediately went to the curls on Josh’s head, keeping him in place so he could push all the feelings and thoughts and emotions he had about him into that kiss. Tyler felt Josh’s hands move to brace his body and guide him to press their chests together. It wasn’t enough— they needed to be as close as possible. No words were said as they broke apart from their first, very long, kiss. Just a look communicated that they had to keep going; climbing further on the bed for Josh to lay down and Tyler to sprawl across him.

They continued to makeout for an unknown amount of time, an eternity. Their world condensed to just their lips and bodies against each other— Josh quickly losing his shirt to ‘save the tinsel creation’. Both their mouths were shiny and lips swollen from kissing for so long and so hard. They panted and stared at each other, as if surprised that the person they were with was their bandmate and best friend. Now a new label would be added, and Tyler couldn’t keep back the words he had been hiding behind a dam in his heart.

“Josh, I’m in love with you…. so much.” Tyler told him, pulling back from another long kiss.

“You know I am too,” Josh assured him, kissing his jaw and smoothing Tyler’s hair.

“No, I mean I’m like in love, love with you. I want everything— not just dating but everything with it and beyond. Dude, I wanna grow old with you and… it’s too much to be thinking all that with someone but you’re not anyone. You’re Josh and… I’m just gonna screw it all up.”

“No, you’re not gonna mess it up,” Josh replied. “Trust me, I feel the same exact way. And how could I not feel the same way back? You’re my best friend and so much more and I’ve waited to tell you this for so long.”

Relief. Tyler’s head sagged and rested on Josh’s collarbone. Josh kissed his forehead.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered to Tyler. “You’re the best present I could’ve ever asked for.”

Tyler for once, had no more excuses— his answer was a kiss.

🎄👽

#clique secret santa 2019 #my fics #my writing #joshler #this will go on ao3 after i post my 100th fic #was wondering if you guessed it was me because i purposefully used my sign off in my latest selfie #merry christmas to everyone!!! have a good day!!

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