#that movie isn’t even out yet and already everyone involved is making me hate it

[bataddictedloony]

listen this might be something that seems obvious to me because I actually like the art of film and storytelling and art in general, but maybe… don’t make movies based off of old movies you very obviously hate. Why should I watch your remake if all you do is shittalk the source material you based it off of? How is that supposed to convince me your “new and improved” version is going to be better if you keep telling me the bar is literally rock bottom?

[courtneysmovieblog]

I watched “Blonde” so you don’t have to

Blonde is the worst biopic I’ve ever seen since Wired, and I don’t write that lightly.

Like Wired, Blonde isn’t really a biographical film at all: it’s adaptation of Joyce Carol Oates’ fictional novel about Marilyn Monroe. Wired was a bastardized fictional piece based on Bob Woodward’s book about John Belushi, which many of Belushi’s friends and family felt was exploitative and inaccurate. I have been pretty outspoken on how much I hated Wired and how it portrayed John Belushi. So please believe me when I say that what Blonde does to Marilyn Monroe is just as bad, if not worse.

Writer and director Andrew Dominick has made it very clear that he didn’t think much of Marilyn’s career, and it shows in this movie. He doesn’t bother with facts or accuracy (yet another thing this has in common with Wired). He doesn’t bother to delve into how hard Marilyn worked as an actress, or even the positive aspects of her career. He just just focuses on her trauma and flaws in the most graphic and grotesque ways possible.

I’m not going to get into how graphic it gets. Odds are that you’ve already heard about those scenes. They are bad. Very bad. I guess I’m grateful this was on Netflix and not in theaters because there was no way I could have sat through three hours of this garbage in theaters without the privilege of a fast forward button.

It is such a waste of Ana de Armas, who does everything she can to show Marilyn some respect. With her luminous, vulnerable eyes and breathy voice, she nearly disappears into the role. Had this been a better movie, she would have been perfect. Unfortunately, Marilyn herself is reduced a needy, unstable victim with an Electra complex.

Mind you, the real Marilyn was no saint. But like John Belushi, she deserved better -- far better -- than to be posthumously exploited and humiliated with all of her flaws embellished and dramatized for the whole world to see.

So, directors of the industry, I beg you: do NOT make movies about people you don’t care about. It was a lesson that the Wired filmmakers had to learn the hard way, and I have a feeling that everyone involved in Blonde will too.

3 out of 10   

[sevlgi]

hit and run

requested: no

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: a  shit ton of angst, some fluff

contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters

warnings: slight homophobia

synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship. 

a/n: while i was writing this, i  imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao... 

for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.

word count: 6.8k

The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.

“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”

“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.

Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”

Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”

You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.

Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.

Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”

“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.

To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”

“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”

You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is.  Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.

There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.

Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.

“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?” 

The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.

Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”

“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”

As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.

“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.

You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”

“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”

“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”

“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.

She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”

“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--

“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.

You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”

“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”

You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”

“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.

The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)

Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”

Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.

“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.

“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”

You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”

“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.

“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”

You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”

You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”

Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”

Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.

Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.

Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”

“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.

She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”

You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.

Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.

Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung. 

One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”

You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”

“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.

“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”

You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”

She winces. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.

Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”

“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.

Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”

You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”

Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”

“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”

The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”

“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”

She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.

Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.

It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.

You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek. 

At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.

“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”

You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”

Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.

“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.

The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”

“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head. 

The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”

“Your coward, huh?”

Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”

There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.

She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.

“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.

Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”

You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.

You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.

You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”

“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”

Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”

“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”

“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.

Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.

The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.

“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”

You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”

Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”

“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”

“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”

You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”

“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.

She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”

“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.

But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.

Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,”  you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.

You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.

You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.

You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.

“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”

The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.

Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”

“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”

“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.

Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”

She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”

“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”

“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.

By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”

“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”

“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”

“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”

“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.

She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”

“It sounds sweet.”

“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”

“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”

“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”

Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.

She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”

“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.

Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”

You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”

Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”

“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”

“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.

You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.

“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”

You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”

She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”

Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”

Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”

“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown. 

Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”

“No.”

Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.

“Which articles?”

She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.

“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”

“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.

Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”

She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.

Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.

“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.

Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips. 

It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins. 

“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.

“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.

She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”

“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”

Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”

“I thought you were questioning?”

She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”

You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.

But for once, you know what you want.

“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. 

“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”

“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.

She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.

Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”

“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.

You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”

“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”

“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.

The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”

Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”

“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”

The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”

“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.

The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.

The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won��t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.

“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.

Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.

“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.

Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”

“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”

“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”

Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.

When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”

For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”

“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.

Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”

“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”

“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”

“At the end of the day, yes…”

“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.

“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”

“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”

None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.

And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.

[rose2jam]

Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam

So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults.  I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever.  This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.

A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.  

So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something.  The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies.  But this Leader?  This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way.  Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered.  That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.  

Any of this sounding familiar?

Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others.  Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families.  Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in.  He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them.  I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.

So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever.  But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin.  Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside.  And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him.  Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader.  Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded.  Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above.  Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).  

Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.

Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters.  He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1).  Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be.  Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her.  (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well).  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.

Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life.  And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical.  Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back.  For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental.  This friendship is everything.  Why wouldn’t he love her?

So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts.  Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life.  But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up.  Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black.  So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3).  And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat.  And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4).  What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.

Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience.  He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible.  During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place.  It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5).  But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6).  He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus.  On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily.  So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.

So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this?  He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers).  But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members.  McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol).  So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles.  As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with.  His dorm mates became his family.  So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily.  Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic?  Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?

On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8).  At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word.  He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds.  Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse.  So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.

Severus had been beaten down his entire life.  By Muggles and Magic Folk alike.  And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light.  He betrayed her as well, of course.  But he did try to show remorse.  And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.  

So.  Who does he have left?

I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here.  Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate.  For what?  For power, for a family, for a community.  For a world where he is no longer the weird one.  For a world where he’s respected, strong.  For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.

And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.

Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult.  Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House.  Maybe he was recruited directly.  Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life.  And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.

Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions.  There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play.  Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right.  (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)  

The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family.  Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult.  On the contrary, I feel sorry for them.  Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the… end result of what happened to them.  Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”.  But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end.  They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.

I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953

Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116

It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart.  I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done.  But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.

Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany.  This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers.   There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2.   Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware.  As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family.  The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks.  Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?

Sorry.  Back to Snape.  There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation.  This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this).  Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.  

Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however.  In the end, he manages to break away from the cult.  The scales fall from his eyes.  In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off.  What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life.  He was brought back by genuine love.  Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.

[blindbeta]

Blind / Low Vision Person’s Review of “Blind” by Rachel DeWoskin and Why Writers Should Not Underestimate the Benefits of a Sensitivity Reader

[Content warnings: spoilers for the book. Ableism. Brief mention of an accident involving eye trauma. Mentions of suicide. Stereotypes about blind people. Also this review, because I focused on the portrayal of blindness, comes across negatively. Please know that I have no hate for the author and might even read another book she wrote. However, I did not like the way this book portrayed blindness and, as difficult as it is, I wanted to be honest in my review.]

I struggled with the title, and I’m not even sure benefits is the appropriate word. What I want to convey here is not Brought to You By Big Sensitivity Reader Company vibes, but more This Book Was Not Good and It Needed a Sensitivity Reader Very Badly vibes.

Blind is about Emma Silver, a high school student who goes blind in a traumatic accident. Here is a good summary and review by a blind person. I listened to the audiobook, which was narrated well. I’ll start by saying this will only be a review of the portrayal of blindness — I’ll try to leave my other opinions out just to keep things focused.

Unfortunately, focusing on just blindness means that it will not make this review more positive, because this book is about a blind girl recovering from going blind. In a way that is both inauthentic and swerves well out of the author’s lane. I say that because, as I hope will become apparent, this book consists of main character Emma being sad about being blind for the majority of the book. The book doesn’t simply have a character who goes blind. That is the main character’s entire arc.

This is a long review. However, I believe it will be invaluable for my readers and anyone who is interested in writing a blind character. Because this book passes most of my minimum standards for writing blind characters and was still lacking due to many factors, including stereotypes. I included many sub-headings so you can find specific topics easily.

Helpful Links

I include these links in the review. I’ll list them here for easy finding.

Here are two reviews of the book by blind readers: one and two.

Here is a video of the author talking about some of research she did for the book.

Here is my post Things I Want to See More Of / Less Of.

Here is my post about writing a blind character adjusting to being blind and being all sad about it when you aren’t blind yourself.

And finally, here is the post I shared that lists misconceptions about blind people.

The Author

The author, Rachel Dewoskin, is not blind. I did as much research as I could, but even if I hadn’t done so before reading the book, it was obvious she wasn’t blind herself. There are too many inaccuracies and offensive moments. This becomes a problem not because her MC was blind, but because she told a blind person’s story and used tropes in ways I think would be better off written by a blind person. If I’m going to read a story like this, I don’t want to read it from the perspective of a person who isn’t blind. When I get into the details of what went wrong, I hope you’ll see why.

Did the author do her research? Yes. The author met with blind people, clearly researched assistive technology and cane skills, and even taught herself contracted Braille. She talks a little about it in this video.

In fact, I wanted to say I am so impressed and grateful this author immersed herself in things like Braille and cane skills. None of my followers have shared that they went to a Lighthouse For the Blind or taught themselves to read Braille or spoken so passionately about why they loved it.

But sometimes research falls short. Or it is simply not enough.

That’s why I’m writing this review. For you writers writing blind characters when you aren’t blind. Because while the author clearly had good intentions, while the author clearly did her research and put in the time to learn and listen in ways I don’t think many of my followers have yet — the book was not authentic enough for me.

This book needed several sensitivity readers. If it had any, I would be surprised.

The Cover

The audiobook seems to have Braille on the cover, but I can’t tell if it is accessible or simply a picture of Braille. The cover features the word Blind in white print on a black background, with what seems to be Braille in rainbow colors that also spell out the title. I’ll reserve judgment here, since I don’t know the answer. If the Braille is tactile, then the cover is fantastic.

In the video I linked, the author seems to be holding the hardcover edition of the book with Braille on the cover. I can’t tell if the Braille is actually tactile or not.

What I Liked About the Book

I wanted to list a few things I liked about the book.

1. The main character is Jewish.

2. Emma has a large family full of well-developed characters and realistic portrayals of various ages. Everyone reacts uniquely to her blindness and I thought these characters were all used well. The scenes with Emma and her older sisters as well as the scenes with her mom were really great.

3. Emma gets therapy for her trauma. She also gets training to use a cane. These are annoyingly rare in stories.

4. As I said, the author clearly did her research. This is obvious when reading the book and In everything I found when researching the author after I finished it. I want to give the author praise here. I thought her explanations of technology Emma uses were the most accurate I have seen so far, both in books and when doing sensitivity reads.

What I Didn’t Like

I will start with this: Emma, after a year of learning to use her cane, is still using a cane inside her own house. After a year. This is not realistic, nor does it seem comfortable at all to use a cane in one’s own home. I don’t know anyone who does this and according to the other reviews, I am not the only one who was surprised by this.

Basically, this story would be okay with some inaccuracies. That’s to be expected. The real issue I had with this book was that it uses tropes the blind community generally hates and that the book is literally about !!! a character going blind and adapting. That’s the story. If you remove the blindness and the trauma, the story falls apart.

The author told a story that was not hers to tell and she did so badly.

If you are confused about why I dislike this, please read this post called Writing Blind Characters Accepting Being Blind When You Aren’t Blind Yourself.

What Did The Author Do Badly?

Trauma and Blindness

The story starts when main character, Emma, goes blind after a fireworks accident. Not only is this cliché, but it also tics one of my boxes in my Things I Want To See Less of post. This author wrote about a character going blind due to a traumatic accident. Link to the post.

In telling a story that was not hers to tell, here are some harmful things in the book:

The author does not do a good job of separating Emma’s trauma from her blindness. To be fair, this is difficult and most people don’t know to go about doing so with purpose. There are a lot of times in the book where the fact that Emma is traumatized leads to her saying a lot of terrible things about blindness and blind people that are never corrected or contradicted in the story. Again, if you are not sure why this is a problem, read the link I shared to my post.

Here are a few times this issue came up:

-Emma develops a habit of rocking, which myself and many reviewers know to attribute to trauma, but it isn’t clear if the author thinks blind people rock, as the stereotype indicates. Is Emma rocking as a trauma response or because she is blind? The book doesn’t make it clear. This is a time where authors need to be clear.

-Emma assumed she will never get a job, be kissed, get married, etc, after going blind.

-Emma yells about being ruined due to her blindness. The first two hours of the audiobook consist of Emma complaining about being blind. She mentions never being able to get a job a few times, assuming she won’t be able to work. While blind people do struggle with employment, this is due to discrimination, lack of transportation, lack of accommodations, lack of community support, and other systemic issues.

-Emma calls herself disfigured.

-Emma states she wanted to die. In another part of the book, when a background character we never met, Claire, completed suicide, Emma wonders if she was so focused on Claire because she wondered if she wanted to kill herself too.

-On the subject of the character, Claire, Emma states: “How easy would being gay be compared to being blind?”

This is especially damaging because some people are blind and gay. It also isn’t fair for Emma to compare them and the systemic issues that are faced by blind people and gay people. Emma not only trivializes homophobia, but also decides being blind is worse. For Emma, being blind is the worst thing ever, which is very isolating to read.

There are times where the fact that Emma is traumatized was not only grouped in with her blindness, but where the author used trauma to write ideas about blindness that are ultimately harmful.

This book, if readers of the blog want to read it, should be a lesson on why separating trauma from blindness is important. Whether that means making clear distinctions in the narrative itself or just not writing about a character going blind after a traumatic accident.

Let’s continue the overall things done badly.

Stereotypes and Tropes About Blind People

1. Rocking —

I have already mentioned the rocking thing above, but to reiterate here, not all blind people rock to orient themselves.

2. Touching Faces —

Emma and another blind character literally feel each other’s faces, one of the most hated tropes for blind people. In another scene, Emma feels another character’s face without asking.

3. Where Are the Audio Descriptions? —

Emma compares her life to a horror movie she couldn’t watch. This is a subtle reinforcement of the idea that blind people don’t watch films or television. The book makes no mention of audio descriptions. I suppose Emma and all the other blind characters simply don’t watch films or shows anymore.

4. Supposedly Fake Service Dogs —

Emma gets a dog that is specifically said to not be a guide dog. Emma brings this dog to restaurants and to school. Emma explains that she can get away with bringing her dog because no one wants to tell the blind kid no. This was, as you may be able to imagine, frustrating to read. Plenty of blind people have been denied access to transportation and buildings with a guide dog that is supposed to be able to travel freely. Emma’s blindness would absolutely not be a big help to her in bringing her dog places where it is not allowed. In showing Emma getting away with bringing her dog into restaurants when he is explicitly not a service dog, the author is contributing to a huge myth that prevents actual service dogs from traveling freely. Yes, this is only a book and it probably isn’t falling into the hands of someone powerful — however, it has probably been picked up by a business owner, a driver for public transport, a teacher, etc.

5. Avoiding words like see and look —

Emma avoids words like see and look. She also gets angry at her friends for using such words. At one point, Emma’s friend says something and Emma snaps, “I can’t see”. This prompts her friend to, according to Emma, never make that mistake again. Toward the end of the book, Emma is still avoiding such words.

Here is a list of misconceptions about blind people. Look at #6.

Here is another review of this book that also touches on this issue. The reviewer states: “The strange thing is that I’ve never known any blind person avoiding the use of words like “see” or “look.” Again, I’d hate for sighted people to read this book and think that blind folk all avoid words with visual associations; in fact, the only blind friends I talk to moan about sighted people avoiding the use of such visual words because they think we’ll be offended!”

6. All Blind People Are Apparently Totally Blind —

At one point in the story, Emma attends a school for the blind. Another character, who I think was Emma’s mother, says that the campus is beautiful. Emma makes this remark: “Why bother making a school for the blind beautiful? It’s lost on everyone anyway.”

Wow, Emma, that was rude. This is another example of where Emma’s pain and anger cause issues for readers. If they take this at face value, they may think that blind people don’t notice or appreciate beauty. More importantly, they might also assume, like Emma, that all blind people can’t see. As I have stated many times on this blog, most blind people have residual vision. Not everyone is totally blind. This is why, like beautiful grounds, schools for the blind also have things like stairs with high contrast.

7. Subtle Use of the Idea That People With Low Vision Should Rather Strain Themselves Than Be Blind —

This one was less obvious for me. However, once I thought about it again, I understood what I was reading in this character. There’s a rather outgoing character named Seb whose personality is very refreshing in this story. Seb attends the school for the blind with Emma. Seb has low vision.

So Seb wants to get a job. Remember how Emma was afraid she wouldn’t be able to get a job now that she is blind?

Instead of showing Seb getting a job to prove that idea wrong, he knows he has to conveniently not mention being blind when he applies, showing up in sunglasses and without a cane. The book states he worries he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application.

Here is what the book states:

[Quote] “He got hired without telling any of the guys who ran the place that he wasn’t sighted; I know because he had confided in me and Dee the week before that he wanted the job—if friend worked there and said they had an opening—but Seb was worried he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application. So he showed up one night before closing time, wearing sunglasses and not carrying a cane, and asked all casually if he could grab and application and bring it back the next day.

And he spent all night filling it and brought it back the next day. He didn’t mention that he was blind or that the application had taken six hours to finish with the help of his sighted brother.” [End quote]

Seb has no obligation to reveal any personal information to them. If he wants to fill out the application on his own time, in a way in which he feels comfortable, that is fine. However, the book implies he thought he would not be hired if they knew he was blind. Rather than talk about the employment discrimination that is such a huge problem for blind people, the book decides to skip over this. And rather than address Emma’s fear-based expectation that she will never get a job, presumably because she doesn’t think blind people can do anything, the book ignores it.

Seb getting a job, especially in this way, does absolutely nothing to assuage Emma’s fears. Or challenge any possible low expectations the readers may have.

Seb fills out the application by himself and it takes six hours. Six. Hours. His brother also helps him eventually and it still takes that long. No one I know, even with intense internalized ableism, would sit there for six hours doing something like that.

Seb should be using a magnifying device or a scanner app. There is tons of technology out there for people with low vision and the author chose to include absolutely none of it in the book. Instead, she chose to show a character struggling for six hours without exploring his reasons for doing so. Does he do this because of internalized ableism? If yes, how can the same character tell Emma the school will get rid of her “Poor Blind Kid bullshit”?

Now, in some families and some cultures, it would be more appropriate for a family member to help. However, the author tells us nothing more about Seb’s culture, his family life, or his motivations. I assume he did not ask for his brother’s help until later, because I can’t fathom why having a family member help from the start would take six hours.

Why is a character doing this in a story that is supposed to be about adjusting to blindness? Clinging to his remaining vision instead of using a few adaptive tools to make things easier on his eyes hardly makes him a good role model for Emma. Why is a character modeling independence in this specific way? In a way that tells Emma that it is better to struggle with a little vision than to be totally blind?

This is reinforced when Emma says some kids, including Seb, pass well. This is something that cannot be given nuance unless it is written by someone who experienced it. Otherwise, the story shows Emma over and over again that being blind is bad. Undesirable. Which is ableist.

Do people struggle with this? Absolutely. Did the author write it well? No.

And Here Are a Few Things That Could Have Been Done Better

In this section, I wanted to go over things I thought could have been done better. They aren’t necessarily harmful, but I wanted to mention them.

Sunglasses

The main character wears sunglasses when she goes out. This is likely because she has a scar she feels self-conscious about, but this is still a big stereotype that the author could have taken more care with.

O&M Issues

So Emma has someone come around to teach her orientation and mobility, which was nice. The author put in her research here as well. However, the instructor leaves after a time, which seems odd. Rather than work with her around her schools or other locations, he decides she has learned all the basics. I received O&M training until university.

Now Let’s Examine The Blind Characters vs Tropes

In this section, I want to go over the biggest tropes in the stories structure, the number of blind characters, and what I normally advise to get around these issues. We’ll see how this advice compares to how the book turned out.

So, the things to look out for are:

-tokenism

-blind characters going blind through trauma

-blind characters being sad about being blind

Examining Tokenism

Emma is not the only blind character. The blind characters include: Emma, Sebastian, Dee, and Annabelle. I normally say to have one other blind character at minimum. The book meets that requirement.

Examining Blind Characters Going Blind Through Trauma

I also normally suggest avoiding characters going blind through trauma, especially main characters. If the writer would like to go ahead with this, I normally suggest 2 or 3 other blind characters who didn’t go blind through trauma. With 2 as the minimum. I admit, I prefer the main character not to be the one going blind through trauma, simply because the main character has so much power in the perception of the reader.

Let us examine each character.

Emma - went blind through a traumatic fireworks accident

Sebastian- unknown

Dee - unknown

Annabelle- went blind through Retinitis Pigmentosa

On the topic of Dee and Seb, Emma does mention they may have better hearing, which she claims you only have if you lose your sight before the age of ten. We can guess that Dee and Seb both went blind in early childhood or were born blind, but we aren’t sure. What I want here is explicit confirmation that other characters didn’t go blind through accidents. We only get that with Annabelle and her RP.

Not only that, but the other blind characters are not in the novel as much. Annabelle only shows up at the end, seemingly as a way for Emma to help another recently blind person to show how she has developed. Seb and Dee are only in a few chapters, mostly as flashbacks. They don’t get much backstory or development either.

However, it fills my minimum requirements, so I’ll let it pass.

Examining Blind Characters Being Sad About Being Blind

This is literally Emma throughout the entire book. Until the last few chapters.

Annabelle has a similar, shorter arc, although she is only 9 at the time. Annabelle comes in near the end of the book.

It is normal for people to need an adjustment period, particularly if they are young. However, to have the entire book consist of Emma being sad and having trauma focused mostly on her blindness is not something I’m okay with. Especially because, as I wrote in this post, it can leave non-blind readers with a very negative impression of blindness. Again, why would I want to read about this arc from an author who isn’t blind? Why make the entire book about adjusting to blindness?

Anyway, then we have Seb and Dee.

There characters were refreshing in this story, which is mostly Emma being sad and angry.

Dee doesn’t seem to be sad, but we don’t know much about her. She does seem well adjusted and laidback. She and Seb go skiing, so that’s something.

Sebastian gets a little more attention in the story. He does tell Emma the school for the blind will knock the “BPK bullshit” or “Poor Blind Kid bullshit” right out of her. I thought it was funny. Sebastian also has a big personality and interests outside of moping about being blind. He enjoys skiing and, according to Emma, he would have no problem with presenting on the Lighthouse For the Blind in front of people who aren’t blind, unlike Emma, who struggles with calling attention to her blindness. Which I can understand, what with the awkward questions her sighted classmates give her.

However, Seb also has an issue with hiding or fighting against his low vision in some parts of the story. If Sebastian were the main character, I could understand some of the things he does. However, this does not go well at all with Emma’s arc.

Anyway, Seb and Dee don’t get nearly enough time in the book for me to feel 100% comfortable using them as exceptions.

How Would a Sensitivity Reader Help?

If I were doing a sensitivity read for this book, I would suggest including more about Seb and Dee and the school for the blind. I would have explained that the way the story sidelines them shows Emma is not okay associating with her blind friends. I would have asked for more backstory, more contrast between them and the main character, and possibly a few more blind characters Emma met at the school for the blind.

If the writer was insistent on having Emma go blind in an accident, I would have suggested reducing the time she spent depressed and shifting the focus from her blindness to her traumatic accident. I would have had the author work harder to separate the two, even if it took Emma a while to do so. I would have also suggested reducing Emma’s remarks or have them called out. For example, her comments about not being able to get a job or beautiful schools being lost on blind people. Sebastian would have been excellent in this role.

I would have worked with her to either get rid of or subvert the list of stereotypes. Most of them are easy fixes.

I would have told her blind people don’t use canes in their houses. I would have given suggestions for assistive technology for Seb to use. I would have helped her with the section on trauma and blindness, reducing or erasing a lot of the issues I included there. I would have suggested giving Emma an arc that isn’t entirely about adjusting to blindness, even if her story starts with going blind.

I probably would have seemed nicer about my feedback because the author still had opportunity to make changes.

The author could have done more research on stereotypes and cane usage, but I think there is an important lesson here about the benefits of sensitivity readers.

In the end, a sensitivity reader would have fixed most of the problems in this story, despite the amount of research the author did. Research cannot always teach you everything and that is where a sensually or authenticity reader comes in. Moreover, there is a certain respect in involving communities you are representing. In paying them in money or exposure. In listening to their voices and respecting what they say. If the author was willing to learn Braille and sit with blind people to learn about canes and technology, why did she stop at getting sensitivity readers? Why does it feel like she didn’t want to include the blind community in any meaningful way?

I hope this helps someone.

-BlindBeta

[let-me-luve-you]

Don’t Be Clingy

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: Being Tom’s little sister means getting to go visit the Spider-Man set. You want to spend as much time with Tom as possible, but everyone else don’t think you should. 

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, cussing, Rude af brother and spiderman cast, Tom being the best big brother ever

A/N: I don’t think Harry or Zendaya or Jacob or any of the Spider-Man cast would actually act like this. It’s just for the story. Also, I just googled Smok’d. Idk the age limits in England. If I’m wrong, just pretend for the story. 

MASTERLIST

With Tom filming Far From Home mostly in London, it means you get to go to set often. Kevin Feige had met you on multiple occasions and he knew you wouldn’t tell any Marvel secrets. He allowed you to come to the set whenever. Unlike the rest of your family, they could only come on certain days.

You loved being able to watch the movie be made. The whole process blew your mind. You are only ten years old and you already knew that you wanted to make movies when you were older. Tom loved having you on set. You were this ball of energy and when he needed a little pick me up, he would talk to you about what you had learned and what you thought worked and didn’t work. He would always listen and if you said an idea, he would usually mention it to Jon to see what he saw. A few of your ideas were actually going to be in the movie.

This was the last week that the cast and crew were going to be in London before they ventured off to other countries. They flew out on Tuesday to go to Berlin. Tom was kind of disappointed he had to leave his home and family, especially you, but he knew he would be back once the movie was done filming.

It was Friday afternoon and the cast was almost done for the day. You were sitting in Tom’s chair watching the final scene being filmed. Between takes you could hear Tom and Jacob talking about going out to dinner tonight. You knew you had to ask Tom if you could join. You watched Harry walk over to Tom and Jacob while they fixed the lighting.

“Where are we going tonight? First rounds on me.” Harry said.

“Thinking maybe we could go to Smok’d and then maybe find another pub.” Tom said.

“Sounds good to me. You know where the best places are.” Jacob said. “We can get everyone else to join us too.

“Okay. Ready on set.” Jon said. Harry looked over to him and nodded before walking off set. Tom and Jacob getting back into character. The scene filmed on for another thirty minutes. When it was over, Tom walked over to you and held a hand out to help you down from his chair.

“You have fun today bug?” Tom asked you as he guided you to his trailer.

“I did.” You beamed at him. “I wish I could go with you to Berlin.”

“Mum and Dad are flying out when we go to Venice. They are using it as a minivacation, but I’ll tell them to bring you and you can stay with me and come to set with us.” Tom said. He moved to the bedroom part of the trailer to change out of his Peter Parker clothes. When he was in his own clothes, he walked out and asked, “ready to go home?”

You nodded and followed him out. When you walked out of his trailer you saw Jacob, Harry, Zendaya, Jake, and Angourie standing in a circle talking. “Can I go with you to dinner tonight?” You asked Tom as you walked up to the group. The whole group heard you and you saw the awkward glances of everyone.

“No Y/N. You’re going home.” Harry said flatly. “We don’t need to babysit a kid on our last Friday night in town.” Tom gave him a what the heck look before he turned to you.

“What Harry means to say is, we are going to do adult stuff tonight. It would be safer if you stayed home.” Tom said with a gentle voice.

“But I want to hangout with everyone. I’ll be good I promise.” You begged. Everyone stood awkwardly and watched the oldest Holland and youngest talk it through.

“I know you would, but you need to be 18 to get into here.” Tom said. “You’re eight years short of that.” Tom grabbed you by the shoulder and led you away from the group. When they thought you were out of ear shot Harry spoke up.

“She’s so clingy. Hopefully Tom can distract her so she’ll leave us alone tonight.” Harry said with a laugh. The whole group laughed with him. “I can’t stand when she’s always around. That’s why I always travel with Tom.”

“Come on man. That’s your sister.” Zendaya said. “But you’re right. Tom’s been too nice to her and letting her come around too much.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t she have Barbies or something to play with? Why is she always here. I’d hate to be Tom and have a shadow following me when I’m trying to do my job.” Jacob said.

Everyone kept talking about you and it broke your heart. You fought the tears that were wanting to escape. Tom also heard these things. He felt you tense up next to him. He looked down at you not knowing what to say. You refused to look up. You found your shoes way more interesting.

“Is mum here yet?” You asked quietly. Worried if you spoke louder that you would start crying.

Tom looked around the lot and saw Nikki talking with a guard. “Yeah. She’s over there. But list-” You ignored Tom and walked away from him. He was shocked you didn’t even say goodbye. “Y/N come back here.” He said chasing you down and grabbing you by the arm to stop you. “Look, what they said back there, it wasn’t okay. I’m going to let them know that.”

“I’ll talk to you later.” You said yanking your arm from Tom’s grasp. He watched you walk to your mum and hop in the back of the car. Nikki looked over at Tom with a confused look. When she saw the pain in her eldest son’s eyes, she knew today wasn’t a good day for you.

Tom walked back over to the group. He was pissed at what Harry had said. Pissed at what his friends had said. As he got closer he realized he needed to cool off some before he said something he didn’t mean. He kept walking towards his trailer and Harry called out to him.

“Yo div. Are you coming with us or driving yourself?” Tom ignored him and slammed the door of his trailer. He started to pace the length of it when Harry barged in. “Dude. What’s up with you? Y/N say she hates you or something?”

“No.” Tom said shortly.

“Okay? What’s your problem? You were fine just before that whole situation.” Harry said.

“You really had to say those things about Y/N?” Tom asked, finally looking at his younger brother.

“I didn’t mean anything by them. I was just joking around.” Harry said defensively.

“She’s hurt, man. You started something that got everyone else involved. Y/N will never want to come to another set again. She thinks the whole cast hates her and thinks she's annoying.” Tom said, starting to raise his voice.

“She doesn’t need to come to set so much anyway.” Harry said, acting like he didn’t hear anything else.

“Dude..” Tom said with disgust. “She’s our sister. She loves us. I love her. I want her around. This is the only set she can come to because this movie is kid friendly. I’m going into movies after this that she won’t be able to visit, which means months without seeing her in person unless I fly from the US back home on a weekend.”

“I know, but all this hollywood stuff is too much for her.” Harry said.

“Have you even talked to her when she’s been here?” Tom asked. Harry shook his head no. Saying he was too busy working. “She’s observant as fuck. She’s seeing things that Jon isn’t. She’s told me things between takes and I’ve mentioned them to Jon and he has used the ideas. I don’t know when you started to think she was a thorn in your side, but you need to apologize to her.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Harry stormed to the door. “Catch your own ride to Smok’d. We will see you there.” Harry paused halfway out the door, “And check the attitude.”

Tom sighed as he fell back onto the couch. He was so frustrated at Harry for not seeing what he did to you. Tom knew he had to make it right, so he got up and went to his car. He drove straight to your favorite restaurant and got your favorite meals and desserts.

Driving home, you stayed silent. You didn’t want to cry from the rude words you heard. You definitely didn’t want your mum to see you cry and get mad at Tom. So the whole 45 minute drive, you stared out the window.

“Y/N, can you tell me what happened?” Nikki asked gently. She looked in the rearview mirror and saw you shake your head no. She sighed and decided to leave it for now. When she pulled into the drive, you immediately went up to your room and slammed the door. You weren’t supposed to lock it, but you did anyway. You fell onto your bed and finally let the tears fall down your face.

“I thought we had a couple of more years before she started acting like this.” Dom said, trying to make a joke.

“She didn’t have a good day. She wouldn’t tell me what happened. Tom looked upset too, so I’m not sure. I’m going to give him a ring.” She said, setting her purse onto the kitchen counter and took her phone out. Tom answered after a couple of rings.

“Hey mum.” He said with a sigh.

“Tom, dear, what happened today?” She asked.

“She wanted to go to Smok’d with us.” Tom answered honestly.

“She can’t get in there.”

“I know. I was trying to explain it to her, but almost the whole cast was standing there so I pulled her away. As we were walking away, things were said about her being clingy.” Nikki gasped as she heard people were talking ill of her daughter. “I tried to tell her it wasn’t true, but she walked off before I could get it through her head. I’m getting her food right now and headed over.”

“Tom, that’s sweet of you, but maybe give her the night to calm down. She’s really upset. How about just drop the food off with us and we will give it to her. You can go to Smok’d with everyone else.”

“Maybe. I’m not really in the mood to go out now. Especially after my fight with Harry.” Tom said. He cringed wanting to keep Harry out of this with his mum.

“What about Harry? Why did you two fight?”

“Nothing. Just a rough day is all. I’ll see you in a few, mum.” Tom said, hanging up before she even got another word in. He knew he would pay for it, but he was fine to take any punishment. After fifteen minutes, he pulled into his parents’ driveway. He stared at the house trying to gather the courage to face his protective mum and his hurt little sister. He finally got out and reached into the backseat for the bag full of goodies. He walked into the house and walked straight for the kitchen.

“What did you and Harry fight about?” Nikki asked when he walked in. He sighed.

“He said some hurtful things and thinks she’s overreacting. Thinks she has no business on the set anyways. I got mad at him because his words started everyone else's.” Tom said.

“What?” Nikki asked, shocked.

“I know. Where is she? I want to go talk to her.” Tom said looking in the living room.

“She’s in her room. Hasn’t come out since she got home.” Nikki said pointing to the stairs. “But I really think you should let her calm down a bit. Go out with the cas-”

“I don’t want to see any of them right now. I have to make sure Y/N is okay.” Tom said with pleading eyes. Nikki whispered okay and nodded her head for him to head up. She was proud of Tom for caring for his sister. She was happy she raised him to care for others.

Tom walked slowly up the stairs. When he got to your door he could hear your quiet cries. His heart hurt hearing it knowing he shouldn’t have ever let it get to this point. He should have called Harry and everyone else out on their shit the second he heard it. Tom tried the door and noticed it was locked. Tom knew about the strict no locking the door rule because he was the reason for it. He knocked and waited for an answer.

Tom heard the cries stop. Like his sister was muffling it with her hands. He knew she was hoping whoever was at the door, they would leave. “Y/N/N baby, please let me in.” Tom said. He didn’t hear any movement. “Please. I have a surprise for you.” Again nothing. “That’s it. Y/F/N Y/M/N, you know you aren’t supposed to lock this door, so let me in before I get dad.” That did it. Tom heard you get off your bed before he heard the lock unclick.

He tried the door again after a second and when he walked in he saw you in bed with the covers over your head. He walked over and gently sat next to you. He put his hand on your shoulder and turned you to face him. He pulled the covers down and saw the broken look on your face.

“Go away.” You whispered and tried to turn away from him again. He wouldn’t allow it.

“I’m not going anywhere. I want to have a movie night. I have all your favorites for dinner. Even got desserts.” He said trying to bribe you.

“Keep it. Throw it away. I don’t want it.” You said not looking at him.

“Come on. I can’t apologize for what they said, only they can. But I can say what they said isn’t true. I love that you are on set. You are the pick me up I need between takes. You are seeing these things for the first time and you bring new light to it. I told Jon all of your ideas. He’s using a lot of them. Did you notice that?” Tom asked, pushing some of your hair out of your face.

You shook your head no. “I love having you there. I really do. You make it so much better. When you aren’t there, it’s just a job. When you are, I can share that experience with you and we can discuss things. I love having you on set. If Harry wasn’t helping the crew, I would exchange him for you.”

“Hey now.” You turned towards the door to see Harry.

“Why are you here?” Tom asked him.

“You never showed. Came to check on you.” Harry said before turning to you. “Also came to apologize. What I said wasn’t true. It was rude.”

“No. You don’t like me.” You said with a pout. “That’s why you are always gone.”  

“No it’s not. I just said that as a joke. It was a bad joke and it was horrible to say. I shouldn’t have said it. I love having you around. I get to watch you grow into this beautiful young girl. I just wanted a night with our crew where we could do whatever and not have to worry about you.” Harry said kneeling beside your bed.

“I’m sorry I always tag along. I won’t do it again.” You said look from Harry to Tom.

“No, no, no, no.” Tom was quick to say. “We want you around. We love taking you out to dinner with the cast, but sometimes, we need to be able to do some things without you. It isn’t because we don’t want you around, it’s because we just want to let loose of responsibilities for a little bit.”

“It’s like when you go into your treehouse to read. You just want to be away from things.” Harry added.

“Oh. I think I understand it now.” You said.

“I’ll always love you. You’re my best friend.” Tom said leaning over to kiss your forehead.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked looking from both brothers. They both nodded. “Go out to Smok’d. Have fun with your friends. I’ll stay here and eat all the food Tom bought me.”

“No, I can’t do th-” Tom said before you interrupted.

“You can hangout with me this weekend before you go. Go join the cast for a fun night. I promise I’m no longer upset.” You said. “Please, for me?” You begged. Both Tom and Harry sighed before looking at each other.

“On one condition.” Tom said. You looked at him confused. “Come stay with me until I leave. Sam can cook us food and we can watch movies, go to the arcade, or do whatever you want. We can even build a fort in the living room like we did a few months ago.”

You smiled widely at Tom’s one request. “Okay. Yeah. Maybe mum can run me to the store so I can get us snacks.” Tom laughed as you started planning. “Now please go have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said hugging Harry before hugging Tom.

“Okay, we’ll go now. Go eat that food I bought. I don’t want it to go to waste.” Tom said as he stood up to follow Harry out the door. “Love you Y/N.”

“Love you too Tom.” You said with a smile.

[fukurodaze]

october

pairing: third year!tsukishima kei x third year!fem!reader genre: fluff, suggestive word count: 2.7k warnings: cursing, mentions of hickeys, makeout session hehe synopsis: “tsukishima” and “high school sweetheart” are a unique combination of words

LISTEN TO: lowkey - niki; used to you - mxmtoon

lowercase intended!

nobody knows about this.

nobody knows about his offhand banter and longing gazes. if you and kei go back exactly five months from today, you’d be asking him a question about the research assignment as you were about to leave the library and he surprisingly follows his answer up with “i’m going home too. come with?”

nobody knows him on facetime, staying late until his eyes can barely open after a blink. you’re used to his texts, somehow so much funnier and warmer than everyone seems to know him. and maybe one day he’d kissed you; on the right temple, as you fell asleep on your bed; on the back of your shoulder, when he did it subconsciously during a movie. and maybe you kissed him too; a short peck on the lips when he went home through your front door; another on his calloused and bandaged hands after a block had left it bruised. 

nobody knows that now, you’re straddling the boy you’ve known for a while as you suck his tongue until he gets breathless. his hands roam up and down your body, finding themselves under your shirt and holding onto the bare skin of your waist like he can never let go. when he tugs on the hem of your shirt, bunching it up your torso, you let him take it off, the moment away from his lips making you realise his lips are swollen and his glasses have been thrown somewhere on your bed. you freeze for a bit when he spends a little too long staring at your body, and you freeze even more when you realise you’re not wearing the bra you would’ve liked for this occasion, but you’re cut off when he starts nipping on your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses as he mumbles, “you don’t have to suck in your stomach.”

you relax a little, small whimpers coming out of your mouth as he continues to work on your neck, the little shocks of pleasure filling your senses as hands on bare skin start to feel more familiar than foreign. you could get used to this. 

“wait, don’t leave any, uh, marks or hickeys or whatever,” you breathe, “people might see.”

he hums, and yet his grip on you tightens as you think he’s coming back to your lips, but he doesn’t. he just stops there, face inches away as his lips barely ghost yours. he purses his lips for a second, like he’s thinking of something to say, but the microwave makes its strange appearance when it beeps loud enough to make you jump a little in his lap. he still holds you close. 

so, so close. and nobody else knows.

“i’ll get the popcorn.” right, because tonight you had planned to watch a movie with him. like the usual - talk, cuddle, whatever. 

come to think of it, your relationship with kei sounds weird; feelings so well understood without ever being spoken. you liked it at first, when he told you he liked you on a saturday morning, your reciprocated feelings tasting of warm rice and milky eggs and an unspoken convention that this stayed between you two and you two only. but as the days passed, and the thrill of a secret relationship wore off, you’ve started to wonder how it would feel like to be able to show people that, yes, tsukishima kei is your boyfriend, and yes, you like him very much.

when you take your shirt, he says, “wear my hoodie. it’s cold.”

you grin when you hear that, opting to simply wear his hoodie without a shirt underneath. it’s the same black hoodie he wears literally all the time and probably doesn’t wash regularly (which is gross) but if there’s one thing you learned about these feelings is that you couldn’t care less.

when you pick up the popcorn, kei only lays against the headboard of your bed, feeling slightly empty at the words he’d heard from you. serves him right, he thinks as he picks his glasses back up; this relationship, or whatever it is, isn’t something both of you wanted everyone to know. he’d get sick of all the attention, and there was probably no need for the two of you to share everything. it’s high school anyways, who knows how long it’s going to last.

yet, when you come back into his room, lips soft and hair tousled, holding a bowl of fragrant popcorn, kei finds himself letting go of those thoughts.

you take a seat on the floor against your bed frame, already having set up the laptop in the middle of the floor. you motion to the boy on the bed to come down, and he brings your entire duvet with him.

as he settles next to you, your shoulder touching his upper arm, you set the popcorn in the space where your knee meets his thigh, over the blanket. the movie you two had decided on earlier tonight starts playing, and you feel your head slide into the crook of kei’s neck, like it always does. 

the night starts off slow; just the two of you making remarks at the movie, laughing at plot holes and cliches. then, by halfway, the bowl of popcorn is empty; as the protagonist kisses their love interest, you feel a flush up your cheeks; and as the movie ends, kei’s arm is around your waist, pulling you into his side. it’s a pretty shitty movie.

“well, that was a shitty movie.” 

“agreed,” you grunt as you stand up to place the bowl of popcorn on your desk, to be taken out at a later time. you fold your laptop onto your desk as well, and kei gets the cue to sprawl your duvet back onto your bed. it’s only nine pm. you climb back in your bed, motioning for him to come with you, too.

slowly, his tall figure holds yours in an embrace filled with something you could only identify as care and affection. and here, especially with his glasses off, sight blurry and only really being able to see you in full focus, it makes you grin at how strikingly different he can be in your room and at school. not that you had ever seen him at school very often, as most of your relationship was crafted of video calls and secret little dates in the night. 

you wonder if he’ll grow out of this.

“oh my god, something kind of funny happened today after the english exam,” you chuckle, your head resting comfortably on kei’s chest. he lets out a questioning hum.

“the girls in my class thought i was seeing osawa,” you stifle a laugh, “at me they were like, you’re definitely dating a guy from the basketball club.”

“wait, how’d they know you were dating someone?”

“word got out. they asked for details, and i told them he was in a sports club.”

“they didn’t think about the volleyball club?”

you shake your head, “they did, but they literally went - ‘we know it can’t be kageyama or tsukishima, so, yamaguchi?’” kei snickers at those words, remembering that even the boys in the volleyball club don’t know about you.

“i love how they just glossed over the chances of you with either me or kageyama,” kei tsks, “and who’s osawa?”

you roll your eyes, hearing his voice tinted with a bit of jealousy when he hears other people think you’d go better with this random guy at school. “he’s a guy i partnered up with for biology. why?”

“nothing. just good to know.”

“alright, whatever.” you flip over, your chin now pressing on the backs of your hands on his chest. your grin is wide. 

“your hoodie smells like sweat,” kei says, trying to divert the topic away from your eventual accusations of jealousy.

“it’s your hoodie, asshole!” you jokingly exclaim, and he pulls the hood up to your head. you look cute, he thinks, even with his over-worn hoodie and messy hair. it’s in moments like these, when the both of you let go of the fronts you put up at school, and just live like nobody else exists. of course, it will all be over in a few hours, but that’s not to say he doesn’t secretly text you under the desk during class or that you don’t have the liberty of an extra pack of chips in your locker from the early mornings kei has practice.

“okay, but, hoodie aside, you could’ve just said i was your boyfriend.”

you like the sound of it; something so distant yet so close. so you make him repeat it again, “wait, what did you say?”

kei exhales through his mouth, “you could’ve just said i was your boyfriend.”

“would you like a boyfriend badge with that?” you tease.

“shut up. at least it sounds better than you and osawa,” he mumbles, sitting up, leaning on his arms. “not that anyone would ever know about us.”

your arms wrap around your boyfriend’s neck. his eyes stare straight into yours, and though he still feels uneasy at first, he likes the feeling of you so near him, so warm and fluttery in his stomach. it makes you hope, at least, in the way he’s looking at you, that he might want to show you off more than he lets on. 

“you know, kei, it wouldn’t hurt for some people to know about us,” you mutter, almost a whisper, and he catches your words perfectly.

“but i hate how everyone shits on couples all the time.”

“no, you just shit on couples all the time.”

he sighs defeatedly, “okay, but everyone’s just gonna be annoying when they know. like they’re shoving their noses into our business.”

“yeah, but-”

“on top of that, my mom would constantly nag me about the details of our relationship. i don’t need everyone knowing so much about us.”

you fall silent, running out of things to say. admittedly, the way he’s so quick to shut down all your reasons is getting to you.

“see? there’s no point in other people knowing.” kei’s hands run under your hoodie to caress your bare skin. he likes the way you shiver slightly from the sudden coolness of his fingers, but it does give you an idea.

“i’ll let you leave marks under my school blouse.”

“as hot as that is, no.”

you groan, slouching against his larger frame. you shift your weight onto him, making him fall back on the bed, and you settle with lying beside him. kei, like the reluctant cuddle bug you’ve found him out to be, immediately wraps an arm around your torso, like every second spent at your house that doesn’t involve his limbs intertwined with yours is a second wasted. 

you exhale through your mouth, “kei, i just wanted to be proud.”

his grip tightens.

“like, we don’t have to tell everyone what happens between us every single day, but, god damn, i don’t want to keep sneaking you in like this, or having to send you off at like, four in the morning so nobody knows you were here.”

“do you care more about what other people think than how i feel?” now you’re letting it out. you realise you’re frustrated - so fucking frustrated - that you barely even get to see him every week because of school and clubs, and that you don’t even get to save his contact on your phone under his own name in fear that people might find out. all because nobody knows.

“no, i care about-”

“i want to hold your hand in public, kei. is that too much to ask?”

you take a deep breath, sitting up against the headboard, “my friends think i bail on them all the time. i want to tell them it’s because i’m going to see my boyfriend instead of some lame excuse, kei. and i want to cheer you on at the spring high nationals in january, because you talk to me about volleyball so much and i want to see my boyfriend do what he’s been working so hard for.”

there’s a hanging silence in the air, coupled with the whirring of your heater. you can’t make eye contact with him - what if he gets mad? your fingers fiddle with the string of his hoodie, knotting it and untying the knot. and it’s only then that he sees you, gaze unsure and lips pursed, that he knows what to do.

it’s not so bad, kei thinks. he wouldn’t have to save your number under a name that’s not exactly yours, and he wouldn’t have to always rush to leave because he has “something coming up”. he can walk you to class in the mornings when you arrive after his morning practices, and it’s like he can imagine the way he’ll hold your hand and make sure everyone knows you’re with him. his train of thought might have gone a bit too far, but he can’t deny the thought of wanting to show you off as his. hell, he’s had a crush on you since your second year (though he’ll never tell you or anyone), and now that he’s got the girl, he might as well be proud of it, too.

so he comes up and kisses you. chastely. “okay.”

you give him a flick to his shoulder, earning an ‘ow’ from him. “that’s it? okay?”

“you said i could leave marks as long as it’s gonna be covered by your blouse, right?”

another finger flick, to his forehead this time, “you asshole.” but you smile. you know him.

when you pull his lips to yours, this time, he makes sure to keep you busy with his hands around your body and your hands in his hair, shirts and hoodies being pulled up to eventually be taken off. suddenly, he stops, and it’s only then that you hear something that you’ve only barely heard once before, on a warm saturday morning when it was summer, months away from today’s october.

“i really, really like you, y/n. and i’m not afraid of that.”

as he cradles you in his touch, kisses trailing down your jaw and beginning at your collarbone, you make sure to ask if he’s okay with reusing the same uniform he wore today for tomorrow. his answer slips out easily; yes.

“is it always this cold in the mornings when you practice?” you tighten the scarf around your neck, shoving your hands into your coat. kei hums in response as you two near the gym.

“to be fair, you could’ve worn tights. doesn’t help when you’re basically half naked in the winter.”

“wearing a skirt does not mean i’m half-naked, kei.” you scoff, but you do take a mental note to start dressing warmer for the coming seasons. 

“i’m just saying, the wind can just go up your skirt-”

his sentence is cut short when a louder, higher-pitched voice runs through.

“woah! tsukishima’s with a girl?” you recognise it as one of the kids in class 3-2, hinata shoyo. his orange hair isn’t exactly easy to miss. behind him is the boy you recognise as kageyama tobio, remembering the way kei would sometimes slip in a snarky mention of his name on the nights he’d call you from his training camp in tokyo. you introduce yourself to the two boys.

“why is that such a surprise to you?” kei points out sharply. a number of second and first years pass by the three of you, and they exchange casual good mornings.

“i think i’ve seen you around. are you friends with kana-san?” hinata names one of the girls in your class, and you nod, telling him you’re pretty close to her. 

"are you going to be watching us practice?” hinata asks, and as you look frantically between kei and hinata, you tell him, “yeah, is that okay for you guys?” kageyama and hinata nod.

you don’t miss it when kei takes your hand and intertwines your fingers with his. it makes you feel a little warmer in chilly weather. it makes you smile.

“go ask team captain over there,” kei shrugs, cocking his head at yamaguchi, who currently has a content smile on his face.

“so this is your girlfriend!” 

you immediately snap your head at kei, as if silently telling him no fair, how come yamaguchi knew all along?! kei shrugs, “he saw me going to your locker one day.”

you roll your eyes before introducing yourself the same way you did to hinata and kageyama, and you hear kageyama huff out, “she looks too nice for you.”

kei scoffs, “well, that’s rich coming from you. maybe you’re forgetting how-”

“alright, tsukki, let’s just go up to the clubroom first.” yamaguchi thankfully cuts in, letting hinata and kageyama go to the gym first.

“oh, y/n-san, you can go to the gym first, too, since we’re going to be changing in the clubroom. we don’t want you to wait outside, after all.” yamaguchi adds, and as you let go of kei’s hand with a reassuring smile, hinata takes it upon himself to make even more conversation with you on the way to the gym. you find his and kageyama’s company entertaining.

“if he’s you’re boyfriend, does he, like, insult you all the time?” kageyama blurts out, his words making you break into smiles.

you giggle, swatting your hands, saying no, no. it makes you realise how different he really is when he isn’t with you.

your hand wanders to the uniform bow around your collar, and you play with the ends of it, the area of your body reminding you of the hickeys you saw littered around your chest and collarbone this morning. when you told kei about it, he only shrugged with the most smug face you’ve ever seen. thank god for collared uniforms.

“so, y/n-san, how’s tsukishima as a boyfriend?” hinata chimes in.

you catch your lip in between your teeth, sucking in a soft inhale. you wonder if you could tell them that he’s the guy that buys you your favourite snacks on the way back from volleyball practice, or that he puts all your favourite songs into his daily playlist so that he can sing along with you when he comes over. still, even after the news about your relationship, you think there’s no harm in keeping some things private. so you exhale.

“he’s an asshole,” you laugh, gleeful, “such an asshole.”

[i-need-air]

Hey it's me again ❤️

I'm just gonna whisper something in your mind (is that even possible?)

Having a baby with Hybrid Katsuki.

Just that. Imagine girl. Perfection.

Ok, real talk here. Every time I see a request from you I uwu a little bit bc I know for a fact whatever you're requesting will make me get so immersed and involved and I'm gonna 💕💞AAAAAA💕💞 while writing AND [lemmecatchmybreath] it happened once again skdjdkfkf Hope you enjoy and sorry it took longer than normal~

Word count: 1.8k

× listen 🥺 I already started and I'm melting, ok?

× when he finds out you're having a smol baby together?

× he freezes and looks at you in a whole different light

× if you're getting pregnant, he will definitely smell the change in your scent and will know even before you do; he'd be instantly by your side with a bewitched expression on his face, taking your cheeks into his palms to just soak everything in yet he's shaking slightly

× and even if you adopt [hopefully a smol hybrid], something deep inside of Katsuki, burried and long forgotten surfaces

× this is the life he always wanted, he always craved even in his darker moments

× this happiness, this fulfillment, this joy

× I absolutely believe he will diligently read and learn everything about the baby to come; will educate himself like no other, deciding to be the very best father he could ever be

× his life was rough and he was stolen away from his biological family, he will now have a chance to have his own and he will not fail you or the baby

× when you hold the little bundle of sunshine in your hands, head down admiring the beauty of a new life, he will stand there, again in shock, again soaking this moment in... so beautiful, so perfect

× will he ever tell you that? of course not; angry ass wild pomeranian—

× but his face gives him away every single time and when you tilt yourself to hand him his new son or daughter, he falls in love for the second time in his life;

× he burries his nose in the soft and fragile skin of the baby's head and breathes in, his instinct kicking in to defend, protect, care, look out for...

× watch carefully because once the baby makes a noise, he'll still, unsure of what to do, but smile so softly as the baby coos in his arms securely; that right there is the best image you can have of soft Katsuki.

× the first few weeks are actually horrible, sorry to break it to everyone aksjskdj not because he doesn't know what to do or does not want to help; on the contrary, he is so incredibly attentive but he also recites the books he learned by memory at this point and it's getting absolutely infuriating;

× although understand him, please; he wants to prove he's a good dad 🥺 except you wanna smack him bc he scoffs if you suggest something he isn't sure about.

× you will find him standing by the baby's crib as it sleeps; he's just???? making sure this is not a dream????? don't question anything though

× can we hc Bakugou with a daughter too? [ already established in the Hybrid!Kiri hcs that Kiri'd have daughter bUT i just really really like beefy men with tiny daughters;;; my heartttt;;; ]

× his little angel, no discussion, no argument, his daughter can do NO WRONG!

× he's very down to earth though, don't get me wrong, he just absolutely adores spoiling her

× speaks softly into her ear, the lowest you'd hear from him

× gruff, raspy, gutural voice ofter overused to scream now low and soft as he holds her into his chest; doesn't do baby-voices or anything like that, but calls her his angel then smirks at you if you're watching;;; then starts softly complaining and bitching about you to the baby 💀 all while rubbing her back

× omfg his hand is as big as her tiny back; guys, call an ambulance, I'm—

× Katsuki would be the type of little shit to pull what I just said then grab you and glue you to his chest too; he'd look down at you both, eyes shining in such adoration he'd take your breath away just before he continues his ranting about you;

× once the baby starts being more interactive, her giggles specially the ones induced by her daddy will make him melt; absolute diminute baby with a small wiggling tail clapping her chubby hands at her dad? his eyes would widen suddently, ears snapping high in surprise and he's taken back by the emotions overtaking him

× he's gone, man; she has him wrapped around her tiny little finger and you can't do anything about it

× instantly acts all in denial if someone is around though; scoffs to hide is obvious smile, placing a palm on his mouth to further block it out and tickles her with the other, earning another fit of giggles

× please, don't tell him his whole tail is waving from side to side

× the only clear giveaway apart from his ears and it's;;; a d o r a b l e;;;

× specially when your daughter also starts wagging her tail in response whenever he does it;

× "Hey, come see what the dumbass is doing!" or "Look at what she did" while showing you a video; proud pappa 🥺

× we're bringing back Proud Bakugou bc hIS DAUGHTER iS tHe BeSt; no, seriously, his kid is the mf best in the world and he will start this presentation with—

× now sit down with me and accept this: the baby; yes, your sweet daughter; mhm, that adorable screeching angel; mhm;;; she'll talk so early it's disturbing.

× at 6 months or so she's already saying mamma, dadda, kitty, woof-woof

× seriously terrifying how sharp she is and how she cannot shut up; for the love of gOd, Katsuki, this is all your fault... it doesn't matter, he just smirks as he has another reason to brag to anyone about his child

× did that street vendor look at him funny? "I'M GONNA FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAUGHTER—"

× super-protective of her and fucking hates with a burning passion if anyone dares to do that thing where they match up babies saying "Maybe they'll get married when they grow up"

× hands down, no filter, he just looks deep down in whoever had the audacity and says "Like fucking shit they'd deserve her."

× drag him away before he throws fists

× he will definitely if you don't drag him away and you know it, they know it, the baby knows it and cheers for pappa, the whole world knows it at this point and they're buying tickets to watch the shitshow

× chest carrier and walks around with the kid like a boss

× man has shit to do, don't even dare to judge him;

× handles fits really well, he's impressive to say at least

× she's spoiled, yes and always has new toys, coloring books, whatever she wants but the moment she throws fits, he puts his foot down

× baby would be smol angery bb all adorable in all her Bakugou genetics anger and he'd just stare, tapping his foot

× literally waits in place until she calms and looks up at him with big, round eyes, puffy red cheeks and ears lowered

× mission accomplished; he nods then picks her up;

× and you're there amazed??????

× "The fuck you lookin' at?" lil shit still has a foul mouth tho, but make him get just as pouty and embarrassed as the child in his arms by saying something cheesy like "How amazing you are as a dad 💕"

× all rainbows and unicorns until she starts repeating insults and fr tho, Katsu almost shits his pants, fearing your reaction. Will, hands down, chill out with the insults even if he meant no damage with them; he has this unreadable expression on, a mix of shame and fluster, dread too? he's sorry, ok????

× loves, loves, loves cooking for you both and once the kiddo has her own special chair to sit at the dining table together, that's when he sees it: his dream

× you, wiping some food off her cheek with a loving expression, talking about your day casually, baby giggling while she moves her face away playfully; he loves you both so much.

× has these rare moments where, at the end of the day once you're settled in bed, he'd hug you tight and thank you in his mind for... for this... all of it...

× once she starts walking they're both a disaster

× seriously, do not expect the household to be silent ever again [ well, that dream was gone long ago anyway lol ]

× "Where the fuck do you think you're goin'?"

× rapid giggle running around from place to place

× "Oh, for fucks—"

× "Katsuki." you only need to say, catching him in his insults

× 😳 ... "Kid, come back, we're goin' to the park." Skdjkdfkl

× sudden adorable tiny fast steps approach him bc they're going for walkies!

× he is very careful with her and teaches her about stranger danger; also teaches her how to growl and even if her attempt is a total failure, small rawr leaving her lips, he's like "Yes. Good job. Now give it more heart."

× he growls as an example

× she growls back, sounding like a cute lil pup 🥺💕

× as she grows up, she obviously acts more like her father yet he knows when to stop the bad behaviors and it only takes a warning growl from him to get her to cease

× yet somehow you're the strict parent at the end of the day??????? tf????????? who made the rules??????

× starts calling her brat, squirt, lil shit 💕lovingly💕

× "your child" if she did something bad

× "Your fucking child kicked the ball into the vase and broke it." Aha, nice one, Katsuki. Good job.

× not to brag but her puppy eyes don't work on him but yours do; the problem is her puppy eyes do work on you bc she's the light of your life so if she wants something; she'll puppy-eye you knowing you'll get it for her bc daddy loves you very much 💕💞

× literally evil mastermind; didn't I tell you she's sharp? pft, she's playing you both so hard

× every day he comes back from work she runs to him at the door, tail wiggling happily behind her as she stretches her arms to be picked up and he always does, without a doubt, then proceeds to kiss the top of her head

× come out to greet him too? the whole loving routine is his absolute thing and wants to see you, have you kiss his cheek; he complains but adores it soooooo much!

× you have a family night; BONDING WITH MOODY POMERANIANS. Yes, plural, and it sounds perfect~

× even if it's just one of those animated movies he hates so much, he'll watch through all of it and make sarcastic comments just to make you both laugh; will grin satisfied asf if he manages to do so bc he's the best.

× will definitely want another kid, so how about maybe a boy??? hmm???

× asks you if you're up for the idea and if you agree, he'll roll his eyes and crack his shoulders, acting so very uninterested and purely exhausted yet his smirk would give him away:

× "Knew you'd torture me with another devil"

× throw him out, istg— 💀

[robininthelabyrinth]

Hello! I saw a post that said your prompts are open, but if they’re not yet, please don’t worry about this. Anyway, if you’re interested, please take this ‘Wen Ruohan appoints Lan Wangji his next heir with being 1) impressed by him, or 2) bested by him’ Lan Wangji is less than thrilled about this

Modern AU

“I hate this,” Wei Wuxian grumbled. “This is so dumb.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to enjoy being kidnapped,” Jiang Cheng said, his arms crossed over his chest. He was scowling. He hadn’t stopped scowling. Nobody blamed him one bit. “It’s not like it’s something that gets advertised in travel brochures or anything.”

“Listen, if it was like in the movies, it’d be one thing,” Wei Wuxian argued back. Lan Wangji suspected he was just arguing in order to hear himself speak, but since Lan Wangji also enjoyed hearing him speak, he didn’t mind. “Getting snatched into a van! Taken to a mysterious secondary location via plane! Villain monologues! Handcuffs! Zipties! Ropes! Chains!”

Lan Wangji wondered if Wei Wuxian had a thing for bondage. He would be okay with that.

Very okay with that.

“Wei Wuxian…” Jiang Cheng started.

“But noooooo, we don’t get jungles or the ‘most dangerous game’ or sexy people in skimpy swimsuits –”

Lan Wangji had a bathing suit. It wasn’t that skimpy, though.

“- we just get kidnapped by a deranged politician who’s decided that the best way to figure out who deserves to be his heir is via a stupid reality show!”

“I think it’s based on the Apprentice,” Nie Huaisang said from where he was sitting. “Possibly the Bachelor? I actually don’t watch that much reality television.”

“You watch the Great British Bake Off like a fiend,” Jiang Cheng pointed out.

“First, Great British Bake Off doesn’t count. Second, if this was a bake-off, your sister would win, instead of not even being here. Is that what you want?”

Both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian shuddered.

“So, we’re all in agreement that the goal is to lose, right?” Wei Wuxian said. “No one actually wants the job of being Wen Ruohan’s heir, right?”

Nods all around.

“Doesn’t he have kids already?” Jin Zixuan wondered.

“Wen Xu and Wen Chao,” Lan Wangji said shortly.

“…yeah, fair, I’d be looking elsewhere too. They’re pretty awful – dumb and dumber. But surely there’s someone else in the family…?”

“I think they’ve been disowned. Anyway, who would want power if it means putting up with Wen Ruohan?”

Nods all around a second time.

“How will this work?” Nie Huaisang asked. “Are there, like – contests?”

There were.

Stupid ones.

Lan Wangji did his utmost best to mess up the archery competition – archery? In this day and age? – but he wasn’t quite willing to turn around and wildly shoot backwards the way Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were doing, if only because the possibility of collateral damage made him shudder. He focused his arrows on a small corner just outside the target.

(Nie Huaisang’s arrows impressively did not reach the target even once. When asked how he had managed to pull that off despite being closely monitored to make sure he was actually trying, he proudly pointed to years of practice in fucking up his brother’s efforts at getting him to train.)

Lan Wangji was also incapable of getting a low score in the calligraphy competition, although Nie Huaisang shared in his misfortune there – being an artist did not necessarily translate to good penmanship, but in Nie Huaisang’s case it did – and naturally no one could quite compare to the atrocity that Wei Wuxian had created.

“It’s still recognizable as words, in my view,” Nie Huaisang declared after several minutes of close study. “So it should be fine to submit…you should really consider taking up abstract art, though. It’s quite nice, from that perspective.”

“Thank you,” Wei Wuxian said. “I think. Or was that an insult?”

The mathematics segment was even more disastrous for Lan Wangji – his uncle had brought him up with a strict prohibition against lying, including on test answers – and then they’d brought out music…

They didn’t even give Lan Wangji a chance to sabotage his chance, opting to just play a Youtube clip of one of his public performances on the guqin.

He was very, very good at guqin.

At least they’d done the same for Wei Wuxian and his flute – he ended up getting ranked first in music, even above Lan Wangji – but that wasn’t going to be enough to overcome his middle-of-the-road performances in the other subject.

“I think you’re going to win,” Jiang Cheng told Lan Wangji. “I’m very sorry. Seriously, and without sarcasm: I’m very, very sorry.”

Lan Wangji said nothing, but apparently his face managed to convey his misery effectively enough because Wei Wuxian came over and gave him a hug.

Lan Wangji enjoyed the hug, at least.

“Don’t worry,” Nie Huaisang said. He was fanning himself again – where did he even get a fan? Lan Wangji thought all three of the ones he’d seen Nie Huaisang pull out of his pockets had been confiscated, and surely there was a limit to how many “back-ups” a person plausibly needed – and reclining under the shade, having been thoroughly knocked out of the running during the physical portion of the competition. He hadn’t even had the courtesy to be concerned: he was, as always, secure in his uselessness. “We’ve been here for quite a while, haven’t we? Our families will be along soon enough to pick us up, and then we can forget all this.”

“What if they can’t, though?” Jiang Cheng said, wringing his hands. “I mean, we all hate him, he’s awful, yes, but he still has influence and power, for some unknown reason –”

“I still can’t believe there are people who support him. Least of all nearly half the cultivation world!”

“Less than half. Remember, we just counted.” 

“Yes, yes, I know, but still. Regardless, don’t worry – it’ll be fine.”

“Surely if our families were going to do something, they’d be here already?” Jin Zixuan asked.

Jiang Cheng pointed at him. “See? Even the peacock is worried!”

“Also, what if Wen Ruohan wants to keep Lan Wangji as his heir even after we’re rescued?” Wei Wuxian wanted to know. He looked worried, which Lan Wangji appreciated. “Listen, my future boyfriend and I are not going to live somewhere named something as classless and pretentious as the, and I quote, ‘Nightless City’, okay? I refuse.”

…future boyfriend?

“The Nightless City is a perfectly decent name,” Nie Huaisang said. “For a Bond villain. Which I’m not convinced Wen Ruohan isn’t.”

Boyfriend? As in – romantic partner boyfriend?

“A Bond villain wouldn’t be this stupid,” Jiang Cheng argued.

Wei Ying’s future boyfriend?

“I dunno,” Wei Wuxian said. “There were some real stinkers, especially in the 70s…”

Did he mean Lan Wangji?

“Can we get back on subject?” Jin Zixuan wanted to know. “Lan Wangji is on the verge of being selected to be Wen Ruohan’s heir, and I’m not sure that process doesn’t involve brainwashing at some point.”

Wait, why was it future boyfriend? Couldn’t they be boyfriends now?

“I would fight them first,” Wei Wuxian declared. “All of them. Immediately!”

“Or we could escape. I know the guards took our cell phones, but I pickpocketed Wen Zhuliu’s and the GPS says we’re actually just at a warehouse outside the city.”

“We’d need a distraction, though…”

“How about we release the giant turtle?”

“Wait, that thing in the moat is a turtle? I thought it was a snake.”

“I don’t know why you expect me to know anything about amphibians.”

“It’s not – they’re not even remotely – a snake has no legs! What is wrong with you people?!”

“Unrelated, but has anyone noticed that none of the girls got brought in? Isn’t that sexist?”

“Like Wen Ruohan being sexist is a surprise –”

“I still think we need to do something before he tries to adopt Lan Wangji –”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Lan Wangji asked Wei Wuxian, who blinked at him, and then beamed. “Or maybe make out in the corner while everyone’s arguing?”

That seemed like something they’d both enjoy.

It was, too, right up until someone did unleash the giant turtle, at which point it was mostly screaming and splashing and all of their families coming to their rescue at just the right time.

But Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were dating now, so overall, a good experience.

Well, mostly. Wen Ruohan sent him countless letters for the next two months asking him to consider coming back for an internship (to be paid in "experience" and "exposure", of course).

Lan Wangji burned them all.

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY SUPPOSITION SUNDAY: The Warden

SPOILER WARNING!  It’s still a thing, and, if you haven’t yet, you still need to watch Megamind.  (If you have seen it already, however, you need to see it again.  Because it’s awesome.)

Yes, yes, the post is three days late this time.  Real life has to take priority and such. So sue me.  (Don’t really do that.  LOL!)

For that same reason—or more accurately because this week has exhausted me—I will attempt to make this post shorter than usual.  We’ll see how that goes.  My money is on “not well.”  LOL.

Anyway, today we’re going to look at a subject that often divides the Megamind fandom: the Warden and his relationship with Megamind. There are several fan theories—I mean, suppositions—surrounding this, but I’m going to be focusing on a few of the main ones.

The first of these is that the Warden was actually a father figure to Megamind when he was young, allowing him to be raised in jail not out of cruelty or disinterest, but because it was the only way to keep him safe from shadowy government agencies that otherwise would have performed all sorts of experiments on the blue alien.  This both accounts for why a child would be allowed to grow up in what is clearly a high-security prison for dangerous adult criminals—something that, admittedly, needs some sort of explanation—and fits with widely accepted sci-fi and comic book tropes. (From Area 51 to mysterious “Men in Black” type organizations, fiction is full of government agencies created to study extraterrestrial life and technology.)  Some even go so far as to suggest that the Warden may have tried to adopt Megamind officially, but was blocked from doing so by these same entities. On top of this, such an idea also offers room to re-imagine the Warden as a much more interesting, complex, and sympathetic character.  Indeed, there has been some excellent fan fiction written about this pseudo-parental relationship.

Art: Fathers And Sons Day by tabbydragon

There is some evidence to support this.  The first is that, although the Warden behaves harshly toward Megamind in the “jail-break” scene near the beginning of the film, Megamind himself seems to be trying to engage in a playful exchange: pranking the older man, wishing him a good morning, and even teasing him.  While some say that this is simply Megamind’s personality as well as his determination to always appear indominable, others suggest that, perhaps, the blue man is trying to recapture a lost amiability between himself and the prison Warden.  It is possible that, when he was younger and less villainous, Megamind might have exchanged friendly jokes and greetings with the man in charge of the jail he called home.  It has even been suggested that the Warden is so hard on the blue man at the beginning of the film not because he hates Megamind, but because Megamind’s life choices have hurt and alienated his father figure. This idea finds some support in the facts that, when Megamind leaves jail to confront Titan, the Warden wished him good luck, and at the end of the movie, that same man seems genuinely happy as he watches the television broadcast of his one-time prisoner being named Defender of Metro City.  Finally, there is some evidence from the comics which, although not truly considered canon, as I’ve mentioned before, do offer some material for fan theories.  In the “episode” entitled Bad Minion! Bad! Megamind runs into the Warden in a bar, and the latter offers the former advice.  There is certainly a somewhat fatherly feel to the scene.

The second theory is exactly the opposite: that the Warden either did not care for or outright disliked the former supervillain.  Unfortunately, as fun as the Warden/Father Figure concept is, this second, darker idea has far stronger evidence to support it in the film itself.  (Try not to hate me, everyone.)  These clues range from the obvious to the subtle, but there are quite a few of them to be found.

During the first scene in which we see Warden interact with Megamind, he doesn’t behave like an angry, disappointed father—at least not a good one.  He isn’t merely surly toward Megamind; he is absolutely nasty. The Warden verbally condemns the alien, telling him that he’ll “always be a villain,” and essentially steals what he believes is a gift for the blue man, even taunting him by saying: “I think I’ll keep it!”  This hardly seems like the actions of someone who once felt any sort of affection for the extraterrestrial.  That same portion of the movie holds another clue as well: the screens monitoring Megamind’s brain activity.  Indeed, in original concept art for the film, the system appears both more invasive and more nightmarish.  It seems that, far from protecting Megamind, the Warden may have actually allowed him to be experimented upon.

Next, there is the newspaper article at the beginning of the title sequence, which bears the headline “Hometown Boy Makes Bad.” It’s hard to see what the paper says, of course, even if you bother to really notice it, but luckily for us Liz (Demishock) wrote a wonderfully thorough blog post which, among other things, provides a transcript of the “news story.”  In it, the Warden is quoted as referring to young Megamind as a born villain as well as abnormal.  

You don't know this kid. I've watched the little criminal since he was in diapers. This kid is just a bad seed. I've got experienced, hardened criminals in here who are afraid of him - I mean, have you seen the size of his head?…  It's not like he's a normal kid… I mean, have you gotten a good look at his gigantic blue head? I don't know where you come from, but where I come it's just not right.

Granted, there seems to be some truth to what the Warden is saying, as the article also mentions that Megamind, who can hardly have been more than seven years old at the time, has basically been put into solitary confinement for the safety of other prisoners following an unnamed incident, adding that the other inmates “refused to point fingers for fear of retaliation.”  (This fits with the fan theory that young Megamind would have had to both fight and develop a fearsome reputation in order to protect himself. You can read more about that in the post How Strong is Megamind?) However, the Warden seems to dwell a lot on the fact that Megamind looks alien, and he displays an obvious dislike for the young boy.

Finally, there is evidence hidden in the school scene, although it’s easy to miss. In an amazing two-part video series, Megamind: A City of Deception. YouTuber The Theorizer illustrates several hidden clues about Megamind’s early life and how it it led him to embrace villainy.  (I will very likely write another post going into more detail about that at a later date.)  One thing that The Theorizer discovered is a seemingly innocuous detail in the background during the popcorn scene.  Take a moment to examine the images below.  Look closely at the blackboard and you’ll see a paper cut out of a school bus.  Look even more closely at that and you’ll find something odd: the bus is full of crayon-drawn children except for one figure: an adult male, riding in the back of the bus, who looks suspiciously like the Warden as he appears at the beginning of the film. 

In a movie where so much attention is given to small things—I mean, seriously, the animation team actually went through the trouble to write a news story for a paper that was on the screen less than ten seconds—this cannot possibly be a coincidence.  (You can learn more about the artists’ amazing dedication to detail in my post What’s Hidden in the Animation?)  Although it is vaguely possible that Megamind, painfully aware of how much his appearance was despised, chose to draw the Warden’s face instead of his own, most fans believe there is a darker reason for this oddity.  

Think about it: the Li’l Gifted School for Li’l Gifted Kids is built close by a jail with a strangely similar name: Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted.   It’s clearly a small academy, yet the only two known aliens in the city—who, by the way, have extremely different social backgrounds—both just happen to attend there.  And now the prison warden appears to be somehow involved with the elementary school?  It’s bizarre.  Add to this the fact that the young alien adopted by a privileged family—a boy who possessed super-strength and laser vision—seemed inclined to be a bully, (as is made obvious by the kickball scene,) and a disturbing fan theory emerges.  Adults realized that Wayne Smith, the child who would eventually become Metro Man, might prove dangerous if left unchecked, and came up with a plan to turn him into a hero instead.  Wayne was showered with praise, conditioning him to seek public approval, but a superhero needs a nemesis.  The strange-looking, unwanted blue boy who’d already been labeled a criminal would have seemed like the obvious choice.  If this is true, then Megamind was purposefully, albeit covertly, groomed to become a supervillain from a young age, and the Warden played a major role in doing that.

So there you have it.  Two competing fan theories concerning the Warden’s connection with Megamind.  Both have some evidence supporting them, and there are fans who are firmly dedicated to one or the other.  Which is true?  Did the Warden care for Megamind like a son but distance himself when the boy turned to villainy?  Or did he judge and despise Megamind but come around to liking him when he finally realized what sort of person the blue man was deep down?  The fact is that those questions can be argued for hours on end.  No matter which of these suppositions you prefer, however, the mere fact that even a minor supporting character is complex enough to offer room for this debate speaks to the impressive amount of work and devotion that went into creating this amazing animated film.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 8

Cult girl and Hannibal go through an exhaustive list of potential adoptive couples. 

@wisesandwichshark

Trigger warning: sexual harassment, christianity, discussion of pregnancy and family planning, adoption, murder and cannibalism 

Step two: find an adoptive family.

Some would say your list of expectations for potential adoptive parents was too extensive. Impossible for any human to reach. But it was really just the bare minimum.

Regardless of if they were two men, two women, one of each, or a few people, the parents had to be trustworthy. It wasn't easy to earn Hannibal's trust, but he could recognize those who had the capacity to right away. It was a little instinct you had dubbed 'friend or food'.

On paper, the apostolic pastor and his wife of 19 years seemed like the perfect candidates. The adoption agency tried to push them on you, as they had a great track record with adopting from them prior. Three boys, all of which were honors students.

Hannibal insisted on a formal introduction, during which you could conduct a proper, though surreptitious, interview. It was an invitation to dinner.

He invited the couple into his office, where a pot of tea and an interrogation was waiting for them. Then there was you. Barely-pregnant little [F/N], feeling entirely safe so long as your fiancé was beside you.

"You're doing the right thing, y'know." The woman, who introduced herself as Mrs. Landon, said upon meeting you.

"How do you mean?" You asked, already knowing the answer.

"All god's life is precious." She said, placing a hand on your not-even-remotely-showing-yet stomach. "You're walking in obedience to the lord by giving this child a shot at life."

Strike one: bringing up religion unprompted. Strike two: touching me without asking first.

You wanted to swat her hand away, but remembered that patience was a virtue. She and her husband took a seat across from you.

"Y'know," The man began, his mannerisms eerily similar to those of his wife. "I don't usually begin with the god talk, but I think a higher power had to have been involved in the conception of this- well, our child. I'd like to think the good lord brought us together today."

Strike three: already believes he is entitled to my child. You're outta here.

"Don't flatter the adoption agency like that, Jacob." Hannibal chuckled, placing his teacup on the side table.

"I'm serious, Dr. Lecter." Jacob interjected. "Faith and I really do believe that god put us on this earth to prepare his smallest soldiers for the spiritual war."

You shot Hannibal a side glance that said 'can we please just eat them now?'.

The answer was no. Hannibal liked to play with his food.

"And your adult children have all moved out?" He asked.

"That's right." Jacob nodded. "We have plenty of room in our five-bedroom house for the new little slugger to run around in."

"And if it's a girl!" The wife interrupted. "We have enough closet space for all the denim maxi-skirts money could buy."

Strike four: arbitrarily genders the behavior of a nine-week-old embryo.

The man then returned the teacup to the table, not bothering to use the saucer and instead leaving a nasty ring of condensation on the polished mahogany.

"Okay." Hannibal huffed, resignedly rising from his seat. He pulled two hypodermic needles from his back pocket and carefully, subtly stuck them onto the couples' necks. They couldn't even scream.

The tacos al pastor that followed (after a few days of marinating, of course) were exquisite.

The next week brought a new couple to your doorstep. Frank and Angela, they were named. Their claim to fame was that their oldest son played football for one of those big southern party schools. Either Auburn or Alabama. There was hardly a difference.

You sat for what felt like hours listening to the man speak in unintelligible football babble, waiting for him to take a breath. Surprisingly, it was the mom who got him to finally shut up.

"Frank, please." She said with more frustration than this one situation even remotely warranted. Either she had enough intuition to know she was being tested, or she’d spent the last decade putting up with this. Possibly both. "You're boring our hosts to death."

"What? No way! She loves it!" Frank replied, then turned to you. Not to Hannibal, just you. “Aren’t you having a great time, sweetheart?” 

Strike one: takes advantage of the female socialization to be passive and polite, allowing himself to take up the most space.

You shook your head. “I hate football.” 

His wife looked quite pleased with herself. 

“Angie, I just wanted her to know what good breeding her son is going to have.” He said, without a lick of irony or self-awareness. He eyed you up and down and licked his lips. “And it is mutual, I see.” 

The room went quiet as everyone tried to determine whether he was serious or if it was just a fucked-up joke. The longer the silence lingered, the more you realized he wasn’t kidding. Angela looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“I don’t know what the agency told you, Mr. Wyatt,” Hannibal said, trying not to grit his teeth. “She isn’t a surrogate. She’s already pregnant.” 

Frank’s jaw hung dumbly open. “I thought you were looking for a sperm donor? I just-” 

“No.” You cut him off, raising your hand and covering your face. “I don’t want to know what you thought.” 

“Well, I would!” Angela interjected, righteous fury eclipsing what should have been crippling embarrassment. “What exactly did you think this was, Francis?” 

“The file said that he was over fifty, so I just assumed--” Frank rationalized, his voice far too loud for the room. “Y’know? That she wanted a baby that wouldn’t come out all funny-looking?” 

“You’re disgusting.” You blurted out. 

“Francis Howard Wyatt,” Angela scolded as if she were talking to her son. “You are forty-eight and the only increasing part of your body is your blood pressure. Why on Earth would any woman choose you over her smart, handsome doctor fiancé?”

This made Hannibal sit up a little straighter. He wanted Francis on the butcher’s block yesterday, but he momentarily considered letting Angela live. 

“They’re not married?” Frank whispered, or whatever the loud-aggressive-toxic-masculinity version of whispering was. He paused, as the dead hamster on the wheel powering his brain crept back to life. “That actually makes sense.” 

Angela loudly smacked her hand against her face. “Dr. Lecter, Ms. [L/N], I am so sorry.” 

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Wyatt.” Hannibal stood up, readying the next batch of needles. “It just makes what I’m about to do easier.” 

It took quite a bit of restraint to not make their deaths hurt, but he made up for it when it came time to carve. He had fun running his fittingly small penis through a meat grinder. Not with any intent to cook it, though. Just because. 

Hannibal wanted to make Francis Wyatt into the least dignified meal imaginable. You quickly recalled going to a friend’s barbeque in Georgia and encountering a horrendously Southern delicacy known as Frito Pie. You proposed the idea to Hannibal, who, after reviling in abject horror at the notion of eating something out of a bag, agreed that it was the most fitting end. He could spare a few pounds of flesh to grind up and make into chili. 

The third week brought yet another couple. They seemed smart enough to realize your invitation wasn't the friendly olive branch the others had interpreted it as. Their healthy skepticism was refreshing, to say the least. Then, you met them: Max and Archie.

"You'll have to forgive my partner's paranoia." Max said upon entering the house. He tugged playfully at Archie's hand. "We watched Get Out recently, so an invitation to the suburbs sounded some alarms in his sleep-deprived brain."

"I love that movie." You chimed in. "It reminds me of my family."

"Oh no." Archie's eyes widened in only half-pretend fear. He shot an I-told-you-so look in his partner's direction. 

"But my favorite horror flick has to be Midsommar." You added. "My friends and I saw a midnight screening and we didn't sleep at all that night."

"But have you seen Hereditary?" Archie posited.

"Of course." You shrugged. "Aster is totally genius."

You made more than just polite conversation with the couple. Max, despite his young age, was a skilled data analyst and day trader. He attributed his success to the hard work of his immigrant parents. Archie was an environmental lawyer and land activist. He was also a bit of a thrill junkie, indulging in everything from scary movies to bungee jumping.

It didn't take long to realize that you wouldn't be eating them. They were far too pleasant of company to eat.

"So when is this baby planning to make its entrance?" Archie asked, gesturing to you. "You don’t look all that pregnant to me."

You put your hand over your slightly-protruding stomach. "Late August, I believe. If everything goes according to plan."

"You're not far along at all, aren’t you?" Max observed. "That gives us plenty of time to prove ourselves to you."

"Believe me." You put up your hand. "You're doing a great job so far."

“If you like horror stories, we might have to indulge you in the last two encounters we had.” Hannibal commented, leaning back comfortably in his chair. That was a good sign. “No blood was spilled, thank god. Would have ruined my carpets. But believe me when I tell you it came very close.” 

The couple laughed along. Archie leaned in like he was about to tell a life-shattering secret. “You wouldn’t believe the hoops we had to jump through to even have the chance to adopt. And I don’t want to say that it’s because we’re an interracial gay couple, but...” 

“Agencies aren’t exactly colorblind.” You finished, via his prompting. 

“She gets it.” Archie pointed to you. “See, Maxie? She agrees with me.” 

Max pushed his glasses up his nose. “I never said I disagreed.” 

You spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for the conversation to take a sharp left turn off a cliff, but it didn’t happen. They were wonderful company; polite, intelligent and articulate. Exactly the kind of people you’d want to see taking care of your child. 

You’d have to look for you next meal elsewhere. 

[hyuckssunchip]

Hasty Encounters, Hasty Decisions

Pairings: Yuta x Reader, ft. nct 127

Words: 10K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), drinking, slight smut, insinuation of sex

Summary: 

Y/N and Yuta meet for the first time and learn quickly of not only their attractions, but also their many more differences. Painful words and revelations leave a deep ridge between the two of them, that is until someone makes a shocking confession. Will they continue to make hasty decisions, or will they learn to forgive and forget?

Yuna was the exact opposite of you. She was gorgeous, outgoing and such a party person. You’d rather chill at home and binge your favorite drama for the billionth time, and that’s exactly how you planned to spend this weekend, however, Yuna had different plans.

“Come on, this is the last one of the semester! The NCT frat house always has legendary end of the semester parties. Besides you haven’t been to one yet, you need to broaden your horizons.” She kept jabbing your side, as if that was a good tactic to make you agree to her idea.

“No, I already set up my computer for six straight episodes of Penthouse, it’s too late now.” You gave her a triumphant grin, as if that were enough to get Yuna off your case.

“Are you serious right now?” She rolled her eyes at you, “This is ridiculous, I get that the actors are hot and all, but these are the hot guys in real life! Stop pining over some made up character and get it on with a real guy!”

“Who’s getting it on with a real guy?” 

“Mark, Yuna keeps trying to take away my drama time, she’s trying to force me to go to a frat party.” You whined to him. Surely he would take your side, he’s a homebody just like yourself.

“The NCT frat party? I heard those are awesome. Why don’t you want to go?”

Sike.

“Ugh, I can’t believe you Mark, you’re supposed to take my side unconditionally.”

“Right… Yuna why do you want her to go so badly?”

“Mark, don’t you want to go to the party? They’re even better than what people say.”

“Really?”

“Mark!” You tugged at his shirt.

“What? I’ve always wanted to go. You know you should really get out there more. I think Yuna’s right on this one.”

“See?” Yuna gave you a smug look.

“Mark, you’re not helping.”

He swung his arm over your shoulder and pulled you closer, “Maybe you should go to this one, I think it’ll be fun.”

“You’re only saying that cause you want to go.”

“Is it working?” He grinned at you before you shrugged his arm off your shoulder.

“No. I already told you, I’ve got a busy weekend up ahead.”

“Yeah of bingeing dramas.” Yuna put her hands on her hips in protest.

Mark tilts his head at you, “How about this? If you go this weekend, I promise that I will help you set up that editing software on your computer that you’ve been wanting.”

“Deal.” There was no hesitation. You’ve been dying for him to help you for months but he never got around to it.

“Damn, that was easy.” Yuna grinned, “I’ve got tons of stuff you can borrow for tomorrow night!”

“What’s wrong with my stuff?” You frowned.

“Umm… have you seen your closet?” There was a snicker from beside you, but it was quickly cut off when you elbowed him in the side.

“I agree with Yuna on this one too.” Mark said, rubbing his side where you had just jabbed him. “Your clothes just aren’t suitable for a frat party.”

“And how would you know?” You mocked him, knowing he’d never been to one before.

“I’ve seen many movies, thank you very much.”

“Not the same Mark, but regardless you both are coming with me.” Yuna spoke up, “My class is gonna start in fifteen and it’s across campus so I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you later. Don’t think you can ditch this one!”

She ran off in the other direction before there was room for response.

“She’s something else, isn’t she?” Mark chuckled, throwing his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, ever since she and Johnny broke up, it’s like she’s going there to make sure he sees that she’s doing fine. To be honest, I’m a little worried about her.”

“Everyone goes through different ways of mourning y’know? That’s just Yuna.” He shrugged, kicking the stone in front of him. 

You dropped it, feeling the mellow mood.

“Well, I should head to class then, I’ll see you at lunch yeah?” You nodded in response and with that he left.

“Sure.” Your eyes followed his back as he continued kicking stones out of his way.

Beep Beep!

“Are you sure this isn’t too short? I’m pretty sure you can see all of my ass.”

“Y/N, that’s the point.” You shot her a look. “Besides you’ll be so drunk you’ll feel fantastic either way. You look hot.” She flashed you a smile and grabbed your arm.

“Now come on! Mark’s waiting.”

You groaned, dragging your feet in resistance. The couch looked so comfy right now.

Beep Beep!

“Yeah we get it Mark!” Yuna yelled, “Come on.”

You were pushed into the passenger seat and she slammed the door on you, sliding into the back right after. 

Yuna leaned forward resting her arms on the both of the seats in front of her. “Ready?”

You rolled your eyes, leaning your head against the window. You glanced at Mark, who was staring at the rear view mirror. You smiled at his face.

“Wow.” He cleared his throat, shaking his head and glancing at you. “You look great. You guys look great.”

You sent him a small smile, but went back to looking out the window. 

“Of course we do, we spent hours on this.” Yuna scoffed. 

“Right.” With one last glance in the mirror at Yuna, he started the car and headed to the address.

“How long are we staying?” You asked, starting to get nervous.

“How ever long we want to. You know you could even stay the night.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you, but in vain.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Right. Just make sure you text me to let me know if you’re going home with someone.” She laughed, “That goes for all of us, I don’t want to be stranded without a ride home Mark.” 

Mark blushed and shook his head, not really replying.

There was a comfortable silence throughout the ride and you hadn’t noticed that you had already arrived until the echoing sound of music hit your ears.

“Alright! Are we ready!?” Suddenly you had a headache, and Yuna was not helping.

You were unceremoniously dragged out of the car while Mark, slowly clambored out of his side.

“Let’s go already.” 

“You know I can walk on my own right?”

“I know, but you’re a flight risk.” She gripped my arm tighter and pulled you to the front of the frat, skipping the large line that seemed to wrap around the street.

“Yuna! Pleasure to see you again!” And with that you were let in.

It felt as though you were entering a whole new world when you walked through that door. You saw many familiar faces, and many unfamiliar. 

“How about we start off with drinks?” She hooked her arms into both yours and Mark’s and dragged you to the makeshift bar. You held eye contact with Mark before letting out a sheepish grin. 

If there’s gonna be lots of alcohol involved, how bad could it be?

“Yuna! I’ve got special mixes for you, unless you’re here for the hard stuff. But you know how good my cocktails are. So what are we starting off with?” The man with silver brown hair at the table shouted over the music.

“Taeil!” Yuna smiled, giving him a small hug, leaving you and Mark feeling empty and vulnerable. “I’ll take you up on your mix, I know how many shots you can get into a cocktail. These are my friends, Y/N and Mark. Can you show them a bit of your magic?”

There was a friendly laugh as the man, Taeil, shot you both a smile. “Of course! Is this your first time here?” He asked whilst pouring his concoction.

You nodded silently, looking at Yuna for help, but she wasn’t paying any attention.

“Thought so, I would definitely remember someone like you.” He gave you a wink, handing the first one to you.

You immediately sipped it, not knowing how to answer his comment, evident in your blushing face. 

“Oh my god. This is amazing.” You looked up at him, actually confused at how you couldn’t taste the alcohol, seeing as you saw just how much he poured into that drink.

“That’s Taeil for you, he knows how to get everyone the most fucked up.” She grinned at him, taking both drinks from him and handing one to Mark, keeping the other for herself. 

He grinned, “Of course, come back when you’re done, I’ve got plenty more where that came from.”

“You’ll be seeing plenty of me.” She sang back while dragging the two of you off again. She pulled you to a crowd of yelling people, and as curious as you were, you’d much rather sit on the couch and sip your drink.

“Okay but actually what’s in this?” Mark asked, he sounded as amazed as you felt and you laughed at his expression. 

“I don’t know, but it’s amazing right?” You took another sip, turning your attention to the loud cheers from the people around you.

Some unfortunate frat boy was doing a keg stand, held up by Johnny. “Jungwoo! Man, you good? That was a shit ton this time.”

The boy with fluffy brown haired grinned toothily, “I don’t know man, I’m feeling pretty good right now.”

“Alright, you go have fun then.” Johnny laughed, shoving the keg under a table. “Beer pong anyone?”

You rolled your eyes. Johnny and Yuna had dated for a short time earlier this year, but you never really liked Johnny. I mean in general he was a fun guy, everyone liked him, it was hard for you not to. But as a boyfriend? With Yuna? Nope. You saw what she went through and that wasn’t healthy. It’s not like you hated him, in fact you and Johnny had plenty of fun conversations, but he was too out there for you.

You sighed, turning away from the commotion of guys trying to earn the chance to play against Johnny.

“Hey where are you going?” Yuna asked, still staring at the table. You pointed to your now empty drink, “I’m gonna get more!” You yelled back.

She loosened her grip nodding, but you were sure she stopped listening.

“You want me to go with you?” Mark asked, but you could tell he wanted to stay with Yuna and watch. 

“No I’m fine. I’ll be back soon, I’ll probably get a drink and then some fresh air. I promise.” He nodded, frowning at you. At least he cared enough to look worried. 

You headed back to the familiar table, “Back so soon?”

“Yeah, I don’t even remember drinking all of it.” You laughed, “That probably means it’s working right?”

He chuckled, “It works wonders. So what do you want this time? Something strong or sweet or just something that’ll knock you out?”

You giggled at the offer, “You know, as tempting as that last one is, I think I’ll just go with sweet. Make it so I can’t taste it.”

“Right, coming right up.” 

There was another obnoxious cheer. “Yuta! Yuta! Yuta!”

“What are they up to? Beer pong?” He asked, back facing the crowd.

“Yeah.”

“Go figures, that’s the only game Yuta slaughters Johnny in.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“Hey can I get something?” The keg boy from earlier stumbled up to you, obviously having trouble standing still.

“Jungwoo, man what’s up?” Taeil chuckled, handing you your drink as he faced the boy. 

“I feel great.” The grin was so endearing that you felt the need to smile with him. 

“I’m sure you do buddy. You wanted a drink right?” Taeil reached down for a bottle of Vodka from under the table. You frowned, looking at the half full bottle still on the counter.

“Yeah,” The boy giggled, turning to face you. “Hi. I’m Jungwoo. You’re kinda hot.”

You blushed, sipping your drink. You shouldn’t have been affected, this boy was drunk out of his mind, he probably thought that anything with two legs was hot.

“Here you go buddy. I made this one good, you probably can’t even taste it.” Taeil walked around the table to hand it to Jungwoo, standing next to you.

Jungwoo sipped it, nodding his head contently. 

Taeil bent down and whispered in your ear, “ Don’t worry, it’s just pineapple juice mixed with water. He won’t even tell the difference.” He pulled back giving you a grin.

“Hey Jungwoo, why don’t you take this pretty lady outside for some fresh air, I think she could use it.” He winked at you and pointed his head in direction of the empty backyard. 

“Of course I will.” He grinned, sticking his elbow out for you to grab, to which you complied and sent Taeil a little smile on your way out. 

You sat on the stairs of the deck, Jungwoo landing next to you. He was having a little more difficulty trying to sit down without falling over. 

“So what’s your name?”

“Y/N.” You answered softly, taking another sip. It looked like this one was going to be finished just as fast as the last. You shook your head worried about future you.

“Huh. Cute.” He took a long sip of his.

Again you blushed. You really needed to stop doing that every time some guy talks to you.

“You know you’re kinda cute to be hanging out here.” He commented mindlessly, chewing on a block of ice.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like you’re hot, but you seem like you’re too sweet y’know, to be hanging out at a frat house.”

You giggled, “It’s not like I wanted to come here. But you know I’m not having a bad time.” 

Another sip.

“Yeah? That’s good. You a student here?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I’m a Sophomore, what are you?” He was a bit blunt, but you didn’t mind, the alcohol was kicking in and you were beginning to think everything was funny. Honestly, sober you would’ve probably thought this whole situation was funny too.

“I’m a Junior.”

“Oh.”

He paused, thinking.

“You know I’m into older women.”

You laughed, throwing your head back. And he grinned at you, leaning back on his elbows, his drink long gone. 

“Well that’s a shame, cause I’m into older men.” He pouted at you. 

“People actually think I’m a lot older than I am.”

“I’m sure they do Jungwoo.”

He grinned at you.

“Hey, I kinda like the way my name sounds coming out of your mouth.”

Again, you couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter from erupting. 

“Jungwoo, you’re a total flirt.” You had your hand covering your mouth as you tried to stop the giggles, swaying towards him. 

He let out a little giggle. You lost your balance and fell towards him, leaning against his shoulder. Jungwoo could hardly manage to keep himself up let alone both your weights. The two of you tumbled flat on the deck, in giggling fits. 

You sighed, finally calming yourself as you rolled over staring at the black sky, not a single star in sight.

You turned your head sharply and faced Jungwoo, his nose only and inch away from yours. You could tell he wasn’t paying much attention to you as he eyes were trained on your lips. 

“You wanna dance?”

“Huh?”

“I wanna dance. Are you coming?” You attempted to push yourself up, struggling for a good minute.

Jungwoo followed, “Yeah, only if you help me get up, I think I might be a little drunk.” He laughed to himself.

“A little?” You had no right to tease him.

Pulling each other up, you guys somehow managed to make it back inside. As you stumbled inside together Mark happened to find you, holding on to your waist to stabilize you. 

“Dude where were you? I’ve been looking all over for you.” You giggled, hanging on to both Mark and Jungwoo. He sniffed, smelling the alcohol on you.

“How much did you drink? You smell like a sketchy gas station.” His nose crinkled.

Jungwoo stumbled, pulling you and consequently Mark with him. 

“Woah man, maybe you should sit down.” Mark reached his arm out to grab Jungwoo.

“But I’m gonna dance with Y/N.” He whined, but nevertheless letting Mark lead him to the couch.

“Next time yeah?” 

Jungwoo nodded, gladly sinking into the cushion.

“Y/N how about you? You good?” Mark asked, leaning down to your eye level. You leaned your head against his chest and closed your eyes for a bit. 

“Mmmmm.”

“Mmmmm? What’s that mean? You need something?” You shook your head, opting to wrap your arms around his waist. 

The two of you swayed there for a bit, until you started to feel dizzy. “Water?”

“Huh?” His head was resting on top of yours. “You want water?” He pulled away, once again looking you in the eyes.

He nodded slowly at you, “Okay, I’ll get you water, you just stay right here okay?”

You leaned against the couch and smiled at him nodding in response. 

He was only gone for a moment when you felt a presence invading your space. “Is that your boyfriend?”

You opened your eyes. 

Woah.

He smiled at you, liking your reaction, “Woah?”

Your heart skipped a beat.

Your hand reached for the lock of blonde hair nearest to you. He chuckled, grabbing your hand, “I’m gonna go with no then.”

You looked up at him, wide eyed earning you a grin. “Wanna dance?”

There was nothing left to do but nod.

He grabbed your head, softly pulling you towards the space everyone was dancing on. From the corner of your eye, you could’ve sworn you saw Yuna making out with that guy from your Calculus class but you shook it off, there were more important things in front of you.

You were tugged against his chest, and the heat coming off his chest making you feel dizzy. After a few moments he turned you around, placing his hand under your chin, leaning your head back in the crevice of his neck. You closed your eyes. His hands once softly gripping your waist dug into your hips, dragging you closer if that was possible. As your bodies grinded against each other, you felt his lips make contact with your exposed neck. You gasped, stretching your neck more in order to give him as much access as you could. Already you could feel the spots where hickies would be impossible to hide the next day, but you didn’t care. 

Soon the kisses and licks turned into love bites and the grip on your waist grew firmer. It was becoming much easier to feel the growing eagerness of your partner. You rotated your hips, pushing back into him and he threw his head back groaning. 

“Fuck, how about we take this upstairs?” He moaned into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You felt your stomach clench.

Somehow you made it upstairs, stumbling through frenzied kisses and already swollen lips. He pushed your backwards through a wooden door frame and immediately turned you around as he slammed the door shut. He trapped you against the cool wood panel before attacking your neck once more, you let out a gasp, running his hands over his chest. His lips didn’t stop attacking until he found your sweet spot, you moaned, fingers tangling in his hair pulling slightly. He moaned into your neck before swearing and pushing you towards the bed. 

Before you had even made it there he managed to rid you of your dress.

“Fuck, you know that shit really wasn’t leaving much for the imagination.” He quickly pulled his top off and pushed you down, crawling you top of you to leave a trail of kisses down your body.

“God, you’re fucking hot.” He groaned as his lips traced the black lace of your bra that Yuna forced you into.

You sunk further into the bed, his body crashing into yours, unbelievably close, as his fingers left blazing hot trails on your body.

You were wrapped around each other in the morning as you woke up. Your eyes opened slowly meeting the already awake eyes of the man next to you. For a moment you stared at each other in silence, relishing the peaceful moments before your hangover would kick in.

There was a loud clang from downstairs, causing you to flinch. The moment was over.

He pulled away from you harshly turning to throw on sweats and a shirt before moving past you to the bathroom. You wrapped yourself in the sheets sitting up and watched his back.

He hesitated for a moment before turning back to face you, “Don’t you know to leave before I wake up?” He gave you a one over while shaking his head at you. “It was just a fuck.”

You sat in silence, only jumping at the sound of the bathroom door slamming. Suddenly you felt sick. You scrambled out of bed to find the pieces of last night’s outfit scattered around the floor.

As soon as you were dressed and you cleaned yourself up as much as you could in the mirror, you ran towards the stairs. The smell of bacon wafted past you, making you wish you didn’t feel the nausea that was slowly rising. 

“Y/N?” Taeil turned to see you rush past the kitchen. You stopped, backtracking to the doorway and gave him a tentative smile.

He looked at his watch and frowned, “You’re still here?”

“She was with Yuta.” A boy with black curly hair and a grey hoodie said, munching on his apple. He spun in his chair before stopping in your direction.

Yuta? Well shit, you didn’t even know his name until now.

“I’m surprised you’re still here. Yuta usually makes sure his girls leave before he wakes up. Honestly, most of them don’t even get to spend the night, he just kicks them out after his little escapade. I’m Doyoung by the way.” He flashed a little smile and tilted his head at you.

“Oh.” You blushed looking down at your feet. “I was just on my way out.” 

He nodded, getting what you meant. 

“Oh? Y/N?” You turned to find a familiar face. 

“Jungwoo?” He smiled sheepishly at you, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Sorry about last night. I don’t really remember much except us falling over each other. I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable did I?”

You blushed in response. “No, trust me I think it was mutual last night.” You laughed nervously, rubbing your arms, suddenly immensely aware of your less than modest outfit. 

“Here!” Jungwoo stripped off his blue hoodie, leaving him in a plain white tee. He stuck his hand out, offering you the jacket, which you took gratefully. Even though you weren’t planning on staying long, it was freezing outside and you’d have to wait for a ride to come get you.

Mark! You totally forgot to tell him, you mentally slapped your forehead, knowing that he wasn’t going to let this go too easily. 

The sweatshirt hung just above the length of your dress, not doing much for modesty down there, but it still felt more comfortable than before. 

There was a slam and a girl came running down the stairs and towards the door, she gave you a knowing glance before exiting the building.

You sighed, you should probably get going now, Mark was going to throw a fit but you knew he'd show up anyways.

A hand came down on your shoulder, the man behind it chuckling as he watched the scene. 

“You staying for breakfast Y/N?” He moved around you, grabbing a plate from Taeil and sitting down.

“Jaehyun.” You froze. You and Jaehyun were kind of friends. You had met through Yuna and Johnny. Actually you got along really well with him, you just lost contact after Johnny and Yuna broke up.

He flashed you a dimpled smile.

“No, I should get going.”

He nodded, already digging in, “You have a ride back?”

You paused. He noticed, looking up at you. 

“Give me five minutes, let me just finish this and I’ll drop you off. Okay?” 

You nodded and gave him a smile. Five minutes wouldn’t hurt right? Besides then you wouldn’t have to bug Mark so early. 

It was 11 am, but he was probably still knocked out. A ride with Jaehyun wouldn’t kill you. He patted the seat next to you and you took up his offer.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” Jungwoo set his plate down opposite of you.

You shook your head, “I don’t think I could keep it down.” 

“Right.” He paused, looking at his own food with hesitation before shrugging and taking a bite. 

Doyoung laughed, sinking into the seat next to the boy, “He’ll probably throw it up, but then he’ll say he made more room and eat again.”

Jungwoo shoved him whilst mid-bite before focusing on the task before him.

You looked at him, “How about you?” Referencing the lone apple in his hand. 

“Oh I don’t drink enough to get sick in the mornings, I’m just less of a bacon dude, more of an apple guy.” He grinned, taking a bite. 

“Johnny?” Taeil asked.

Jaehyun leaned back in his chair, grabbing the coffee Taeil just sat down. 

“Sleeping, you know how he is the day after.”

Taeil nodded, “Yeah, I figured, but I thought he’d smell the bacon and be the first one down.” He laughed to himself grabbing another cup of coffee and raised it in your direction.

You shook your head smiling. Jaehyun threw his arm around the back of your chair and you looked at him. He was sipping the coffee and frowning ahead of him.

“What are you still doing here? Did I not make it clear that you should leave?” Your eyes widened at the sound of the voice you heard this morning. 

“Yuta!” Taeil scolded, still setting down a plate for him. He shrugged in response taking the seat at the head of the table, farthest from you.

Jungwoo looked up intensely chewing and just as intensely glancing between the two of you.

You shrunk down in your seat, avoiding eye contact with him. Jaehyun glanced at you and set down his mug. 

“You ready?” He asked, standing up with a stretch. You immediately followed his lead. 

“Yeah.”

“Let me grab my keys real quick. You haven’t moved right?” 

You nodded, watching Jaehyun jog up the stairs for a moment.

Taeil came and stood next to you, cup in hand, “You guys close?”

You shrugged, turning back to face him. “We used to be.”

He nodded silently, watching Jaehyun reappear.

“Got everything?” He asked, opening the door as you started towards the exit. You nodded and turned back to the kitchen one last time, sending a wave and a smile. 

You didn’t miss Yuta’s scowl.

“Don’t mind Yuta, he’s just usually cranky the night after.” Jaehyun reassured you, but it didn’t do much good. 

You looked out the window and nodded silently.

“Did you atleast enjoy last night?” He asked, attempting at rekindling the conversation.

“Yeah, I think I did. Honestly a lot of it was a blur.” You let out a strained laugh.

He joined you, “That’s what makes it so fun.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

There was a comfortable silence. The car jolted to a stop.

“This is you right?”

You had zoned out and missed half the ride back.

“Oh! Yeah, thanks for the ride. Mark would’ve killed me if I asked him to pick me up.”

He nodded, “No problem. I didn’t mind at all. We should hang out again, I’ve missed you.”

You grinned, “Same, we’ll definitely hang out, just let me know when and where.” 

“Will do.”

You shivered as you stepped out of the car and slammed the door. You stepped back, wrapping your arms around yourself and gave a short wave as he left before making your way to your door.

You let yourself in quietly, taking off your heels and turning around only to let out a startled scream.

“Yuna?! What the hell are you doing?! You scared the shit out of me!” 

Yuna was sitting on the couch staring at the front door, looking as if she had been waiting all night.

“Well? How was last night? I’m assuming things went well because here you are waltzing in at 11:30 in the morning.” She was taunting you.

You groaned, “At least let me shower first.”

She squealed, clapping her hands whilst bouncing on the couch.

You paused, “Last night… Mark…”

Her face scrunched up, “Yeah, he’s kind of pissed. We both forgot to tell him… but we’ll make it up to him. I was thinking we’d bring him lunch.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Wait?! Both forgot? Did you hook up with someone again?!”

She continued shaking her head with a bright smile and shoved you towards the bathroom. “Clean up first!”

She laughed at your protest but you eventually gave in.

“Maaarrrk. Come on, we said we’re sorry. I mean honestly we were both drunk out of our minds, how could we have even texted you?” Yuna pouted at him, something she always did to get her way with him.

He looked away, staring at the cupcakes you had brought as a peace offering.

“If it makes you feel any better I made a complete fool out of myself this morning.” You said, still twiddling your thumbs. 

He cocked his head slightly, an indication that you had his attention.

“The guy I slept with totally threw me out.”

He frowned, looking at you, “Why on earth would that make me feel any better?”

You shrugged avoiding eye contact.

“Who was it?”

“What? Are you gonna beat him up?” Yuna asked, laughing as she stole a cupcake.

“Maybe.” He turned his attention to you, “So who?”

“Yuta.”

“Yuta? As NCT frat boy Yuta? Why would you sleep with him?” He asked, his voice increasing a decibel. 

“Umm.. Have you seen him? He’s hot as hell.” Yuna said, licking the frosting off her fingers before giving him a look. “I’m glad she did. It’s about time she got some action.”

“How can you be glad she slept with him? He’s a total asshole! Plus he kicked her out this morning!” He asked, reaching for the coveted cupcake. She slapped his hand away, taking a bite.

“Okay, but everyone knows when you sleep with someone at a party, you don’t stay the night, or you at least don’t stay long enough for breakfast in the morning. No offense.” The last part directed at you, but you just continued to stare at the floor.

“Well, wouldn’t you know?” Mark spat out, for once losing his temper. 

Yuna paused and gave him a look. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. It’s just that, just because you go sleeping around and know the ‘etiquette’ or whatever, doesn’t mean that someone like Y/N would know.” He turned around blocking himself off from her gaze.

“Whatever. I don’t need this.” She stood up grabbing her bag. “We came to apologize, I didn’t come to be attacked. You know I’m sorry I ditched you last night but I don’t need to be called a whore cause you’re still pissy about the whole thing.” 

She slammed the door on the way out, glaring at nothing in particular.

Well. There goes your ride.

Mark sighed, slouching into the cushion of his couch.

“I didn’t call her a whore. At least I didn’t mean to. It’s just she was totally attacking you, and you did nothing wrong. Except maybe sleep with a dickwad.” He groaned, rubbing his hands on his face. “I would never kick you out like that.”

“I know.” You replied, leaning into his side. “I don’t think she’s actually that mad, she’s just struggling right now. You know how she’s been since they broke up.”

“I just think she’s so desensitized, that she doesn’t even know how to be treated right.”

“I know.” You sighed, resting your head on his shoulder. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while.

They weren’t his frat brothers but you were sure he told them all about you and your mistake, judging by the way they were laughing at you.

“Screw them.” Yuna said, glaring at the group. “It’s not even that big of a deal, he should be honored he slept with you.”

You kept your head down, mentally cursing yourself for ever letting him get to you.

The semester had already ended and you had almost forgotten about the frat house and the embarrassment that followed, that is until Yuta and his friends sat themselves behind you in lecture today.

Yuna made a face at you, an attempt to brighten you up. A whole semester with them behind you? This was an actual nightmare.

“Where is Mark?” Yuna muttered checking her phone. “Look I’ve got to go or I’ll be late to my class but you’ll have Mark so don’t let them get to you alright?” 

You nodded, playing with the strings of your sweatshirt. With one last glare Yuna exited the back of the lecture hall.

You felt a presence next you and you stiffened.

“This’ll be fun, don’t you think?” You groaned, of course he would have the nerve to sit next to you only as soon as Yuna leaves. 

You chose to ignore him.

You didn’t have to look at him to tell that he was smirking, “Luck really was on my side-”

“That’s my seat.”

Both you and Yuta looked up and you sighed in relief seeing that it was Mark, “I don’t see a name on it.” Yuta cocked his head, the smirk still plastered over his face. 

Mark just stared at him, not moving. 

Eventually Yuta sighed, standing up and staring down at Mark, the height difference only enhancing the mood he was going for. “It’s a shame you’re no fun.” He moved to the seat behind yours and rested his feet on the back of your chair.

You grimaced as you felt the pressure, and rolled your eyes in annoyance. Mark sat down, turning to you.

“You good?” He asked, leaning in close to you.

Again, you nodded silently.

This was going to be a long semester.

“Are you still coming over to my place tonight?” Mark asked, packing his notebook in his bag.

Nodding, you replied, “Yeah, I still have clothes there right? I’ve got to run to the library and get some stuff first, then I’ll just come over.”

“Yeah, if not, you can just borrow something of mine.” 

You nodded in agreement, watching as the last of his things were secured in his bag. 

“Alright, I’m gonna head out, text me if you need anything.” He waved back at you and made his way out of the hall.

You felt Yuta lean his head forward inches away from yours. You flinched away, bending down to get your things.

“You have plans tonight?” You frowned at his question, or rather statement. He had obviously heard the conversation between you and Mark.

You chose to ignore him, one of your greater ideas.

“Umm.. There’s a party this weekend, if you wanna come.”

You struggled to hold back a snort. Was this his new way of tormenting you? Why on earth would you go to another one of his frat parties?

“It’s for Jaehyun’s birthday.”

You froze, hand half way in your backpack. After a moment you stood up, clearing your throat, attempting to move towards the exit only to find him blocking your way.

You peered behind him, his regular clique of friends long gone, you frowned. 

“What?” You breathed out, tired of whatever mind game that he wanted to play.

He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans, the ever present scowl replaced by a timid look.

“I think it’d be nice of you to go. Cause you’re friends and all.” He shrugged half heartedly, like he was struggling to ask you to go.

He glanced at your scrunched face, confusion written all over it. 

“It’s gonna be a small party, not like a huge thing. Just the boys and a few friends.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s gonna be really chill.”

“Right.”

You hesitated to ask for the date and time, but it was for Jaehyun’s birthday so you felt obligated. 

You and Jaehyun had gotten closer over the last few months, a small joy in a hectic semester. 

“It’s Friday, at seven. Don’t feel obligated to bring anything but yourself.” He sent you a small smile, one that sent an unsettling feeling through your stomach. 

You nodded, skeptical of the situation. Your mind was racing, an internal struggle overwhelming you.

By the time you had focused back in, there was a stream of students passing by you, already entering for the next lecture, Yuta no where to be found. 

You sighed, hiking your backpack up on your back and heading towards the library. 

It was hard to concentrate on the task ahead of you, especially when all you had was thoughts of what was to come this weekend. 

“Excuse me.” You flinched, nodding apolegitcally at the girl who reached for a book that you were blocking. 

You shook your head, trying to remember what you had come here for. After a half and hour of racking your brain you gave up, opting to just go to Mark’s.

“So I didn’t find any of your clothes, but you’ve got your toothbrush here.” You weren’t focused on what Mark was saying, walking into his apartment in a daze. 

“Y/N?” You turned to face him, eyes slightly more alert.

“What are you thinking about so hard?”

You sighed, flopping on to the couch and closed your eyes.

He sat next to you, and you felt his intense gaze over you.

You sat up suddenly, facing him. “What would you do if you had a friend who wasn’t really on good terms with a friend of a friend and you were invited to this friend’s kickback but it would be awkward to bring your other friend, but then it would be wrong if you didn’t tell this friend about the party, but it would also be bad to not go to the other friend’s party cause it’s his birthday?”

“What?” 

You sighed, collecting your thoughts. “Jaehyun’s frat is having a party to celebrate his birthday and I was invited.”

“Okay... so?” He furrowed his eyebrows. 

“It’s supposed to be a small thing, like just the frat and a few friends.”

“Right? What’s the problem?”

“Mark, what do I tell Yuna? I can’t tell her that I’m going to a party cause she’ll want to come, but that would be weird because it’s a small thing, and you know,,, Johnny. I’m sure she’ll end up making a scene.”

Mark sighed, looking away from you. “Just don’t tell her, or do, and just say she can’t go. I don’t really care.” 

He stood up making his way to the kitchen. You groaned. Mark and Yuna haven’t quite been the same since the incident after the party. You haven’t found them willingly enter the same room, and even if they were forced to, they refused to interact. You were often caught in the middle of they’re snide remarks regarding each other.

“I don’t really want to go alone though. I’m not close enough with any of the frat guys to hang out there.” You griped, hands fiddling with your sleeves again.

“I thought you were cool with them.”

“Yeah, we’re friendly enough, but it’s still awkward.”

There was a poignant pause. 

“Mark?” You whined, hoping that he would catch the hint.

“No, I’m done with parties.” He held up a hand, waving it in refusal.

“But it’s going to be a small one, it’s not even a real party. Please?”

“Are you even allowed to bring anyone?”

You shrugged, “He didn’t say, but it doesn’t matter, they won’t make you leave. And if they do then I’ll just say hi to Jaehyun and then leave.”

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. “Who even invited you?”

“Yuta.” You whispered out.

“Yuta? Why would he invite you?” He frowned, deep in his own thoughts.

“He said it would be nice for Jaehyun. Plus I doubt he’s going to do anything, especially because it’s Jae’s birthday. You know as much as a dick he is to girls, he probably cares about his frat brothers.” You found yourself defending Yuta.

He shot you a look, before shaking his head. 

“You owe me.”

You grinned, pumping your fists in victory.

“Yes! I owe you a thousand times.” You stood up, “Where my sweats?”

“You mean my sweats.” He just shook his head and pointed towards his room, “They’re on my chair.”

You slid past his door, grabbing hold of the sweats that had been designated as yours. 

After changing a picture on his desk caught your eye. It was a photo of the three of you at the beach, a memory made last year during spring break. You smiled to yourself, eyes tracing over the bright smiles. Your eyes shook as they reached Mark’s profile, too busy staring at Yuna to focus on the lense of the camera. 

You winced, recognizing the way that he looked at Yuna, your heart broke for him. It wasn’t the first time you noticed the way he watched her, but seeing it so definite made you hurt for him.

“Y/N? You coming? I’m gonna start the movie if you don’t hurry your ass up!” Mark shouted from the living room, and you tore yourself away, skidding back to the couch.

“Stop doing that, you’re gonna crash into something.” He laughed at you.

“What’s the point of having hardwood floors then?” You climbed over the back of the couch after dumping your clothes next to your bag. 

“Who said you got to choose?” You grumbled to yourself.

“Me, cause you owe me a thousand favors now.” You smiled cheesily at him, hoping to ease his irritation with the situation you dragged him into.

“Right. Do you want anything to drink, eat, possibly a foot massage that would appease you?”

He shoved you upon hearing your teasing tone. “Don’t make me regret this.”

You laughed, turning to focus on the screen ahead of you.

You opted for something a bit more casual than what you wore the last time you entered the frat house, definitely a bit more modest. 

The mood was totally different the moment that you passed the door. 

“Y/N! You came!” You smiled at the familiar face.

“Of course I came, it’s Jae’s birthday.”

Jungwoo peered at Mark who stood next to you, taking in the house as if it was his first time seeing it. 

“Who’s this?” He frowned, racking his brain and trying to connect face to name.

“Oh you probably don’t remember.” You laughed at the memory, “This is Mark, he kind of took care of you at the party we met at.”

His eyes flashed at sudden recognition.

“Oh! Right, you were the one that stole Y/N away from me! I never did get that dance.” He grinned cheekily at Mark’s flustered expression.

“Don’t worry, I’m not planning on drinking that much this time.” He winked at you.

“That’s what you said last time.” A skinny boy with wide eyes interrupted him, throwing his arm around his shoulder.

The newcomer smiled at you, eyes turning into half moons. “I’m Taeyong, I don’t think we’ve met.”

“That’s cause you haven’t.” The familiar laid back tone answered before you a chance to. 

“You were out of town the last time she was here.” Doyoung faced you, giving you a brief smile before turning back to Taeyong. “You know if you stuck around and chilled like everyone else then you would’ve known.”

You felt the tension between the two of them, glancing at Mark who had the same expression on his face. 

“I’m here now, so what’s the problem?” The tone was less teasing than you expected, obviously things weren’t smooth between the two of them.

“It doesn’t matter, if you didn’t up and leav-”

“Her name’s Y/N.” Jungwoo interrupted, not caring that it wasn’t quite the right timing to introduce you.

The irritation washed off Taeyong’s face as he sent you a soft smile. “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He winked at your nervous expression. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I think I need a drink.” After sending Doyoung a glare he found Taeil close by.

“Sorry about that.” Doyoung muttered embarrassed, but he didn’t seem too genuine about his apology.

You smiled back at him, another awkward glance at Mark.

“Well drinks anyone?” Jungwoo asked, hoping to lighten the mood. 

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” You giggled at him. 

He glared at you teasingly, “What are you trying to say?”

“Okay okay, here.” Taeil swept by shoving a handful of drinks in your direction.

“Well that was easy.” Jungwoo commented before moving to greet the next newcomer. 

With everything happening so quickly you hadn’t noticed that Doyoung had also escaped.

“See. I told you it would be awkward, if you weren’t here I’d be standing alone in a corner.” You shoved Mark’s side, handing him your drink.

“What’s this?” 

“I’m not drinking tonight. I don’t want to do anything stupid again, drink up.” He grinned at you.

“Well I guess this is payment enough.”

It was some time later that you found yourself laughing alongside Jaehyun when you realized that you hadn’t seen Mark it a while.

“I’m gonna go grab a water.” You excused yourself and set out to find him.

“You came.” You jumped at the sound of Yuta’s voice, uncomfortably close to you.

You spun around, facing him. 

“You brought your little boyfriend though.” He was obviously drunk, more so than the last time. Or perhaps you were just more aware and now you could notice his tendencies. 

“Right. Have you seen him?” You asked curtly, trying to focus on the task at hand. 

“So he is your boyfriend?” The alcohol had definitely left him no control over his emotions as you frowned at the crestfallen look on his face. 

“No, Yuta focus. Have you seen Mark?” 

“I don’t like him.”

You rolled your eyes, starting to enjoy teasing him. “Why not?”

“He’s too touchy with you.”

You cocked your head to the side. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Only your boyfriend should touch you like that. You guys are like hugging and stuff.” He pouted at you, a new version of Yuta you had never imagined.

“You touched me.” You mumbled out, watching his reaction.

“Can I be your boyfriend?” 

You stepped back, nervous for the first time. This version of Yuta made you uncomfortable. You were so used to the asshole that made snide comments and teased you. You knew it was just the alcohol talking but you felt restless upon seeing this new side of him. 

Out of the corner of your eye you spotted your savior.

“Mark!” The boy spun around face bursting into a smile as he made his way over to you, slinging his arm over your shoulder. 

“Y/N where’ve you been? I lost you.” His smile faded as he noticed your company. “What are you doing here?”

His tone had turned cold and he pulled you tighter against him, an action not going unnoticed by Yuta.

“I’m having a conversation. And you’re not her boyfriend.” Mark glared at him, not appreciating the tone.

“Okay?”

You cut in between their little stare down, moving to face Mark, “Hey, I already wished Jae a happy birthday and stuff, it’s getting kinda late. We should get going now if you’re ready to go.” 

You motioned towards the door in case he could understand you.

He nodded, not really paying attention, something that you were expecting. 

“Alright, let’s go say bye to Jae and then I’ll drive us home, okay?” You talked slowly, hoping that he would understand more easily.

You grabbed Mark’s hand, pulling him towards the patio, the last place you had seen Jaehyun.

“Oh.” You stopped and turned to face the boy staring at two of your hands. “Bye Yuta.”

His eyes whipped up to find yours, a small smile taking over his features. He lifted his hands and waved slightly, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to.

“What is wrong with him?” Mark muttered under his breath, face grimaced at the sight. 

You sighed, resuming your journey to Jaehyun. “He’s drunk.”

You slammed the passenger door shut and slid into the driver’s seat, once more checking that all of Mark’s limbs were attached and in the car. 

“That was fun.” He laughed, staring at nothing in particular. 

You snorted at his reaction. “So I don’t owe you anything anymore?”

“I never said that.”

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” You asked, taking a quick glance at him before regathering your attention on the road. 

“Yeah.”

You drove in silence for a while, and peeked over at him. He was so silent you were sure that he had fallen asleep. But his eyes were open, hooded, but definitely open. He was staring out the window, watching the buildings flash past him.

“Do you think Yuna wants to come?” 

You were startled by his sudden question.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Mark.”

“I know. But I kind of miss her.” He sounded so upset, and you began to get angry at Yuna. 

“I know Mark. Things will get better though. She’s just being stubborn.”

He sighed, fogging up the window for a few seconds before it dissipated under the cold.

“Okay.”

You hesitated to continue. 

“Hey Mark?”

He didn’t respond,

Your eyes found his sleeping figure slumped in the corner of the seat. 

You let out a deep breath, one you didn’t realize you had been holding. 

“How do you do it? Deal with her knowing that she’ll probably never love you back?” You asked no one in particular, listening to the silence that followed your harsh question.

You spent the last few miles of the ride with your mind involuntarily wandering back to Yuta. Now that you thought about it he had been acting weird since the day he invited you to the party. 

It wasn’t that you missed the nagging or teasing that he constantly made you endure. But it made you uneasy, reminding you why he starting doing so in the first place.

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to the road as you pulled into Mark’s designated spot. The car rocked to a standstill.

“It’s because I love her that I can do it.”

You turned to face the seemingly asleep boy, mentally cursing yourself for letting him hear your thoughts.

“Yuna, don’t you think you’re being a little too harsh on him?”

She had just spent the last twenty minutes purposely avoiding Mark, stating that it would absolutely ruin her day to see him.

“He called me a slut, are you really taking his side?” Her tone had turned fierce as you expected.

“He didn’t call you a slut. Besides if it’s something you’re ashamed of, then don’t do it.” You muttered the last bit, trying to soften the tone.

She whipped her head at you. “What? So now you think I’m a slut too?”

“No, it’s just if you’re so upset with the way that people think of you, then why do you keep giving them reason to think that way?”

It was harsh, but you had finally given up on stubborn Yuna. It was time to finally hammer it into her head.

She was at a loss for words when you looked back at her. “I shouldn’t have to care about what other people think of me.”

You bit your lip, frustrated with the way she was thinking.

“Then why are you so mad at Mark? If you don’t care what other people think of you, why are you so mad?”

“Because it’s Mark. Of course I care what he thinks.” 

You stared at her, mouth slightly open, confused with her statement. But it seemed like you weren’t the only one, her eyes widened, throwing her hand over her mouth.

“I mean, he shouldn’t have said that because he’s supposed to be someone I can count on to not think of me that way. I’m supposed to be able to trust that he knows me, and has my back no matter what, not that he’d stab me in the back like that.”

“He didn’t stab you in the back. And he does have your back, no matter what. You know he’s never said one bad thing about you during this time? He just keeps asking if you’re doing okay.”You paused, thinking about your next words, hesitating for a moment. 

”You know I think it’s kind of embarrassing how much you’re bad mouthing him and avoiding him when all he does as make sure that you’re doing fine.” You glanced at her as she turned away from you, trying to hide the fact that she was furrowing her eyebrows. 

“Don’t you think it’s been long enough? For both of you? Would it be that hard to forgive him?” You raised your eyebrows in hopes that you would no longer be the split messenger between the two.

There was a deep sigh from her side. 

“I’ll talk to him later, just the two of us. I guess I owe him that much.” You smiled at her flushed face.

She grinned back, wrapping her arm in yours, “Now tell me about the party last weekend.”

You jolted your head to the side, wide eyed. “H-how did you...?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad. It’s not like I was invited. Besides it would’ve been weird right, for me to show up.” You smiled at her, thankful that she wasn’t upset.

“To be honest, it was fun. I missed hanging out with them.” She elbowed you in the side.

“Any one in particular you like hanging out with?” Wiggling her eyebrows, she sent a suggestive look your way.

You blushed, understanding her intentions. “No. They’re all fun.”

“Right. Did Yuta bother you much? I hope Mark didn’t leave you alone to be bugged by him.” She scrunched her nose, evidence that she was still annoyed by him.

“No. He didn’t bother me, he was pretty drunk.” You frowned, “He actually said something though that bugged me.”

“What?”

“I don’t know, he just kept talking about me having a boyfriend.” You paused, eyes shaking at what you were about to say. “He asked if he could be my boyfriend.” 

Yuna made her scandalized face, teasing you as you cut in, attempting to save face for both yourself and Yuta.

“But he was really drunk, who knows if he even knew what he was saying.” You hurried out,  nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Didn’t you say he had been acting weird around you lately? Like not teasing you weird, but like he was actually kind of nice to you?” You nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah, he was actually the person who invited me to Jae’s party.” 

“Really?” She asked, squinting in confusion. “That’s strange, I thought he would’ve been the last person to invite you.”

“Right?” You thought to yourself for a moment, “He wouldn’t do something would he?”

“No, I think he’s just gotten bored. Maybe he’s finally tired of teasing you.” You laughed at the thought.

“Sure, I’d die of happiness if that were true.” But there was a small part of you that you chose to ignore, that felt a little sad at the thought.

“Do you want one?��� You raised your eyebrow at the scene in front of you.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Yuta gave you a small smile. “Taeil baked them, they’re to die for.”

You frowned at the muffin he was showing you, but eventually took it.

He nodded his head once, indicating for you to try it.

As you bit into the soft texture of the muffin your eyes widened. 

“I know. I’m not usually one for muffins, but I’ll never pass on one from Master Moon.”

You giggled at the title.

“No really, that’s what he calls him self, but I’m not one to argue.” A genuine smile bloomed over his face, the first time you had seen it.

Unknowingly you returned the smile, something about it making you feel better already.

He rubbed the back of his neck, an embarrassed smile, replacing the previous, “I’m sorry we got off on a bad foot.” He let out a big sigh, “I kind of let things get out of hand.”

You felt yourself closing off again, but realized that his words were genuine.

“I’m not gonna lie, the stuff you said and things you did hurt me. This class was hell because of you, I even avoided seeing Jaehyun because of you.”

You let out a sigh, and a heavy silence followed. You glanced at the worried expression on Yuta’s face, and you recognized the guilt.

There had been some point where your anger towards Yuta had faded. Perhaps it was the fact that he stopped bothering you, perhaps it was his confession, or perhaps it was the way that he started to look at you. You believed that there was something more to Yuta, and you wanted to get to know that side.

“But if you continue to bring me amazing snacks I’ll have no choice but to forgive you.” You laughed nervously, tearing anxiously at the empty wrapper.

“Then I’ll just have to keep bugging Master Moon.” He grinned, a reflection of yourself.

You felt your face heat up, blushing at his blatant flirting.

“Um.... I know I was like really drunk the other night. I’m not going to pretend I don’t remember pieces, because I do. And I want you to know that even though I was drunk I really meant what I said.” He glanced at you from the side, not brave enough to confront you.

“What do you mean?” You tried not to think of the way that he basically confessed to you, and you chose to ignore it.

“Uh... Do you... not remember?” He scratched his head, ruffling his hair into a more messy look.

“I’m not sure, you were saying a lot of things.” Biting your lip, you focused on the wrapper in your hand.

“Oh... I- uh...I like you.” You whipped your head to face Yuta, who was now avoiding eye contact.

“What?” It came out as a whisper, barely audible to him. You heart began beating faster, and you were worried that he would be able to hear it because it was so loud.

“I like you Y/N. Look, I know I have a pretty shitty way of showing it, but I promise that I’ll make up for it.”

You hated to leave him hanging, but you had no words. You wanted to give him some sort of reassurance, but the words were stuck in your throat.

“Will you go out with me? Or at least one date to show you I’m not a total asshole.” He wasn’t great at hiding the fact that he was nervous, and you giggled at the sight.

“Yeah. I guess one date couldn’t hurt right?” You smiled at him, boldly reaching for his hand.

He wrapped his hand around yours, pulling you close to his chest. you could hear the beating of his heart through his shirt, making you smile at the thought that you were the cause of this.

“I swear I’ll make it up to you. I’m done making stupid decisions.”

© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.

[ptergwen]

4 times peter loved you and 1 time he said it

warnings: angst, swearing, and flash being a dickwad (love him tho)

a/n: i wasn’t sure if i would ever finish this bc i started in march? and gave up but i really like the concept so i made myself get back into it and AHH i’m really happy with how it turned out! fingers crossed y’all like too ahaha. also this is unrelated but send me requests!

-

to say you and peter were each other’s missing halves would be an absolute understatement. there wasn’t a secret you didn’t share, an inside joke you didn’t have, a text or call left unanswered, or a second you weren’t on the other’s mind.

it had been like that since your first day of freshman year. you took the seat next to peter in first period spanish, and the rest was history.

peter knew you better than you knew yourself. as cheesy as it sounded, it was true. he could guess what you were going to order at a restaurant before you picked up the menu. if you had a bad day, he’d come over to your place with tissues and hugs, without you having to ask. he knew all the little things.

you? you were a peter parker encyclopedia. you watched all his favorite movies so he could rant to you about them, and you’d actually understand what he was saying. whenever he felt overwhelmed by his chaotic life, you found a way to calm him.

you two were soulmates in best friend form.

best friends, nothing more.

♡ 1.

you had an arm around peter’s neck as you picked at some fruit on his lunch tray. his head was resting comfortably against your cheek, whole body leaning on you. impromtu cuddle sessions weren’t unusual for the two of you. they worked in both of your favors. peter was your own personal heater, and you were just really comfortable to nap on, in his opinion.

“are you gonna eat all my grapes? i was looking forward to those,” peter whined, taking one out of your hand. “are you gonna keep using me as a pillow?” you challenged. he responded by moving his head to your shoulder and chewing. “then, yes. i am gonna eat all your grapes.”

“you know what two people who share food are?” ned chimed in from across the cafeteria table. already knowing what he was implying, you sighed. “what, ned?” he cupped his hand over his mouth like he was about to spill the world’s biggest secret. “a couple.”

it wouldn’t be a regular day without ned trying to play matchmaker for you and peter. the idea made peter scoff. “leave us alone, man. that doesn’t even make sense.” “yes it does!” ned nudged mj for backup. she only raised her hands in defense. it was always a hard pass from her on getting involved in these types of things, unless she found a reason to.

“really? how?” you grabbed peter’s milk and took a sip just for the hell of it. he chuckled at that, forgetting he was supposed to be annoyed with you. a bit of milk dripped down your chin in the process. “oops,” you grimaced at yourself and licked it away.

something about the whole thing made peter’s heart clench. it was so... you were so... cute. cute was definitely the word he was looking for. wait, what? that was new. peter had always thought you were pretty and all, but he’d never found himself endeared like this over such a little thing you did. or had he? no. nope. it was ned’s stupid theory messing with him. that was all.

“y/n, dude, everyone knows it’s a thing. like, why else would someone give up their whole lunch? it’s flirting,” ned interrupted peter’s sudden thoughts about your cuteness. the smug look on his face made you want to throw the tray at him.

before you even joined their friend group, ned was on a mission to set the two of you up. peter described you to him and mj as “the actual sweetest girl ever. she makes me laugh a lot. you guys gotta meet her.” mj obviously ‘tsked’ at him, but a light bulb went off in ned’s head. peter was crushing. he just didn’t know it yet.

part of how you and peter got so close was that ned and mj used to back out of group plans. you’d end up hanging out alone most of the time. of course, it was ned’s idea. a successful idea, yes, but neither of you understood the obsession. apparently it was a guy in the chair’s duty to be a good wingman, and you should leave it to him. whatever that meant.

“if i remember correctly, you and your mom went halfsies on a piece of cake at your birthday party last year. what are you trying to tell us, leeds?” mj asked with a smirk. you and peter looked at each other and burst into laughter, ned’s mouth hanging open. the girl could really get someone when she wanted to.

“shut up, you guys! that’s different!” “so is y/n stealing my food and you calling it sharing,” peter made a point of saying more to you than ned. despite his words, he pushed the tray over to you. it was basically yours, anyway.

you thanked him with a pat on his cheek and popped more grapes into your mouth. in that moment, peter decided he’d get you all the grapes in the world if he could. jeez, he seriously needed to reel it in.

ned was only going to keep going now. “see that? peter’s such a sweet boyfriend. isn’t he, y/n?” he cooed and clasped his hands under his chin. you didn’t have the chance to change the topic before flash appeared at your table. he’d probably overheard your conversation. “penis parker is somebody’s boyfriend? good one.”

feeling peter tense up next to you, you put a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. you’d been in too many of these situations. the way flash talked to peter pissed you off in ways you didn’t think were possible. he was fine with everybody else, so why did he choose to pick on him? peter was the least deserving person of having to put up with it from anyone.

“just ignore him, okay? he’ll get bored and leave. works every time,” you reminded peter. too uneasy to say anything, he reached back and put his hand on top of yours. he tried to focus on how nice your touch felt instead of the fact that he was about to be humiliated by flash yet again.

“peter could totally get a girlfriend! he has, like, tons of girls after him,” ned attempted to back peter up, pleased with himself. groaning, peter put his head down on the table. he couldn’t bare to watch his friend destroy what was left of his social life. “you’re really pushing this now. stop talking,” mj warned in a whisper yell to ned. that didn’t stop flash from hearing her.

“she’s right. even parker agrees! look at him,” he snickered at peter’s embarrassed state. you’d had more than enough of him at that point. screw the silence. it wasn’t going to cut it for this one. while wingman ned was still making up stories, you tapped peter’s shoulder to find out how he was doing. his head remained down.

“you okay? want me to say something?” “i’m used to it, and no. i don’t wanna make you deal with him.” peter hated putting his issues on other people, but you couldn’t stand another second of listening to the things flash was saying. you cut into an argument between him and ned about peter’s body count. like his was any higher.

“fuck off, flash!” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “huh?” “i said fuck off. anyone would be so lucky to date peter. you’re probably salty at him all the time because it’ll never be you,” you finally snapped. his tough guy persona faltered for a few seconds at your words, ned and mj taking the opportunity to high five you for telling him off.

peter was glad his head was still down because his cheeks were pinker than he’d like to admit. did you really mean that? would you be lucky to date him, too?

“what are you, president of the parker protection squad? or are you two a thing?” flash quickly recovered. there he went trying to get the last word in. the embarrassment for peter if you denied it was exactly what he wanted, but you weren’t letting him have it.

“ask me again some other time.” you plastered on a shit-eating grin and waved goodbye. unsatisfied with your answer, flash huffed his way back to his own table. after he was gone, peter looked up at you with something you’d never seen before twinkling in his eyes.

“thank you, y/n. you really didn’t have to say all of that.” “oh, no. don’t thank me. i‘d do it for you anytime. i am president of the parker protection squad, after all.” your fake smile turned into a genuine one for him. peter couldn’t help but mirror it.

his was heart doing that thing again. he guessed it was because he loved you so much, but this love felt different somehow. it wasn’t the friend kind of love he’d had for you all those years.

it was the kind of love he saw in the rom coms you made him watch when you got to pick for movie night. cupid’s love was the official name for it. when he put two and two together, the realization smacked him straight in the face. ned was right.

peter was starting to fall in love with you, and there was no way he could stop.

♡ 2.

peter was a workaholic. patrolaholic to be exact, especially when he had a reason. he’d sometimes find himself in a cycle of getting home late and going out early for days on end. he’d gotten used to the sleep deprivation. his grumbling stomach from missing meals wasn’t too big of a deal either. not when he had a city to save.

it was also a good distraction from everything else going on in his life. man, did he need a distraction. after peter came to terms with the fact that he loved loved his best friend, he narrowed it down to two options; telling you about his feelings or taking them to his grave. since the city was so busy, he was thankful he could throw himself into patrolling and not decide just yet.

may would usually only allow peter to patrol on weekends. school existed, and he had to take breaks. peter really wanted to help out more, so he proposed an idea that could potentially let him up it to the full seven days. he had to make it home in one piece every night for a trial week. that would prove to may he could handle it.

ignoring his black eye on tuesday and limp on thursday, it worked out. peter was positive he could finish off the week just fine. may didn’t have the same optimism. she decided that so much as a scratch on friday and it was strike three. friday came, and peter had impressively managed to end the day, like he thought, just fine.

he did one last swing around the neighborhood he was in, then started heading back to queens to gloat to may. on his way, he remembered he had to text you goodnight. he was bound by a pinky swear to you that he would do it every time he finished patrolling.

peter being spider-man was something you figured out only a few months after he got his powers. he technically exposed himself, and you pieced everything together. it all happened when spider-man offered to walk you home from school one day.

the way he rubbed the back of his neck while asking was a nervous habit that was oddly familiar, and urged you to say yes. you also thought it was strange how even though he didn’t ask for your address, he somehow knew where he was taking you. then again, he was spider-man. it was his job to know new york city and the people living in it.

you came to the conclusion you were making things up until he was about to leave. he walked you to the door of your apartment building and said, “stay safe, squirt.” nobody called you that besides peter. he came up with it because he had recently grown a few inches taller and could finally give you hell for being the short one.

needless to say, peter didn’t take off like he was intending to. he realized his slip up as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. you brought him upstairs and had a long afternoon of questioning, explanations, and making promises.

peter typed out a message telling you he was fine and to go to sleep. as he was about to hit send, he swung too low and smacked his head right into a traffic light. that was what he got for texting while swinging. he could imagine mj giving him one of her famous safety lectures already, but that wasn’t first on his list of worries. he had a throbbing head and may’s third strike to deal with.

crap, may couldn’t know about this. she’d ban him from patrolling probably forever. going home was out of the question, but peter was in desperate need of an ice pack. there was already a bump forming from where the light hit him. his next choice would be to go to happy, only he couldn’t do that because he‘d tell may.

peter’s hands worked faster than his brain, and he started swinging over to your apartment. the overthinking began soon after. nobody wants to deal with a surprise appearance from their possibly concussed friend at 2 a.m. besides, what would he say? he’d barely seen you all week. it wasn’t fair to you, but it was too late to turn back.

peter landed on the sidewalk with an “oof” and crawled up the wall of your building. when he reached your window, he knocked in the same rhythm that he always did. no answer. he knocked louder. no answer again.

seeing as he had no other option, peter had to let himself in. he pushed on your window to see if it was unlocked. thank god it slid up then, but he made a mental note to remind you about keeping it locked another time. he climbed through the window with as little noise as possible so your family wouldn’t hear.

after navigating in the dark, peter pulled off his mask by the side of your bed. he instantly melted at the sight of you. your face was squished into your pillow, hair sprawled everywhere. you’d must have fallen asleep waiting for his text because you were holding your phone. peter was sure he’d never seen something so adorable.

he let himself stand there and watch the peaceful rise and fall of your chest. the bump on his head was no longer a priority. peter was utterly and completely entranced with you. god, why was he acting like this? oh, right. he was secretly in love with you.

before peter could help himself, he brushed some hair that had fallen into your eyes away with his fingers. you squirmed in your sleep, peter pulling his hand back. he was such an idiot sometimes. your eyes fluttered open and landed on him.

“peter? ‘s that you?” you squinted to see in the darkness of your room. he moved closer. your legs dangled over the bed as you slowly sat up. “yeah, it’s me. sorry to wake you.” he went to scratch his head out of nerves, but stopped when he remembered it really freaking hurt right there.

“‘s okay. i was hoping you’d come over soon. missed you all week.” you frowned at the red and blue clad boy in front of you. except for school, you hadn’t seen peter the past few days. “lots of crime to fight lately?” “missed you more, and yeah. been kicking lots of asses.” the awkwardness peter was imaging faded away when he plopped down next to you on your bed.

“how’s your eye doing? and the limp?” you turned his head towards you by his chin. he exhaled in relief. “getting better, i think. now that we’re talking about injuries...” the sleepiness was knocked out of you. you all but leapt to your feet and turned on the lamp by your bed. peter had a feeling you’d slightly freak.

“we’ve been making small talk and you’re hurt? what happened, peter?” “i-i sort of, um, i was texting you and swung into a traffic light.” “oh my god, where?” he pointed at his forehead with a weak smile. surely enough, there was a big bump. you gasped. “please don’t be mad at me.” “i’m not mad at you. just feel bad it was kinda my fault. do you think you have a concussion?”

you weren’t sure what to do beyond the mostly useless first aid videos they played in gym class. being an avenger, peter had had his share of experience with wounds. whenever he came to you hurt, he talked you through how to help him. the most you’d ever dealt with was a few particularly deep cuts. this was not the same.

“i‘m not sure. you could try that finger thing?” he suggested. you crouched down in front of him. “good idea. let’s do that.” as you waved your index finger back and forth and peter’s eyes followed it seemingly well, his mind was elsewhere. he was thinking about crawling into bed with you and sleeping in your arms.

“well, you passed or whatever they say. i’m pretty sure you don’t have a concussion. you’ll heal fast because of... you know.” you stood up and mimicked the way he shoots his webs. peter chuckled quietly. your thumb ran lightly over his bump, making him wince. “how bad does it feel?” “on a scale from one to ten it’s, like, a five and a half.”

although not what you wanted to hear, it was manageable. you hoped so, at least. “i’m gonna go get some stuff. change into comfortable clothes.” “yes, doctor y/n.” peter saluted you. you were happy to see he still felt up to joking around. biting your lip to hold back a smile, you made your way to the kitchen.

peter searched through the spare clothes he’d left here over the years. there were so many, you had to give him a drawer. he changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, then sat back down criss cross on your bed.

you came in shortly after with a water bottle, two advil, and an ice pack wrapped in a towel. “i was kidding about the whole doctor thing, you know.” “too bad.” you handed him the advil and water. “take these. they’ll help until your magic healing powers kick in.” peter took the pills while you pressed the ice pack to his bump. he took it from you when he was finished.

“is that any better?” “much better. i’m all good. i should probably go soon.” he mumbled, not meaning it but also not wanting to overstay his welcome. you’d already done so much for him. you stopped him from getting up by putting a hand on his chest.

“what? you already changed, and i’m not sending you home to get killed by may. just stay.” “are you sure? i don’t wanna bother you anymore. it was annoying for me to come here so late in the first place.”

a frown set on your face. “peter, don’t you remember my promise?” there was a beat of silence while he thought about it. “that you’d help out with spidey stuff?” “however and whenever i can. i don’t know what made you think differently just now, but nothing’s gonna change that. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or early in the morning. i’m always here.”

only you could reassure him just like that. peter was really lucky to have you. really, really lucky.

“right. you’re right. sorry for... whatever that was.” “you apologize too much.” you poked his chest to punctuate your statement and switched the light off. “sorry for that, too,” he teased, wanting a reaction from you. “peter benjamin parker, just get in the bed.” “yes, ma’am.” that was enough before you changed your mind and threw him out.

you rolled to lay on the other side of peter. still pressing the ice pack to his head, he laid down next to you. it didn’t take long for both of you to be settled under the covers. “try not to bang into the wall or something,” you joked and pulled your comforter up to your chin.

peter puffed some air out of his cheeks, tugging more of it back. “you can’t be mean and hog the blanket.” “it’s my bed, so i actually can. i’ll hog everything.”

to prove your point, you moved over to peter until there was no room between you. both of you knew it was an excuse to cuddle. he wasn’t mad about it at all. peter opened an arm for you. you curled into his side, letting him hold you close. his whole body relaxed as you hugged him against you. “goodnight, spidey.” “night, squirt.”

♡ 3.

“what does that cloud look like to you?” you pointed up at the sky. peter’s eyes darted around as he tried to find exactly which one you were talking about. there were a lot of them, in his defense. you made a big circle with your finger around the cloud in question.

“the really curvy one. right there.” “kinda looks like a tiger. can we keep walking now?” peter tugged your arm linked in his in an attempt to move you from the spot you’d randomly stopped in. he made a whiny noise when you didn’t budge.

“i think it looks more like a horse, and no. why are you in such a rush?” furrowing your brows at him, you tightened your grip on his arm. “because some people don’t like cloud watching, grandma.” “i only asked you about one! i’m just... trying to get the most out of today.”

with college around the corner, you and peter both had a lot to do and a little bit of time to get it done. your only hangouts had become some shared extracurriculars and weekly study group with your other friends. trying to binge watch your shows together on facetime hadn’t been easy, for one thing. you fumbled to keep your phone up more than you payed attention.

on a more serious note, being apart sucked majorly. it was going to be this times a million when you would inevitably have to split up in a few months. thinking about it for too long usually made you cry.

peter was struggling in other ways. his more than a friend feelings for you were only getting stronger. having all that love and not being able to give it to you was hurting like hell, and he had to just pack everything up and act normal during the rare moments you were together. you were both going through it.

this was the first sunday in what felt like forever that you and peter were both free. you decided that the nice weather called for a meetup at central park. so, there you were, arm in arm on your afternoon stroll.

“don’t say it like that, y/n. you’re making me sad.” peter let out a breath as you rested your head on his shoulder. “that was the point.” you started walking again, peter following next to you. he kicked at pebbles while you smiled up at him. that made him smile at his feet. you were getting really good at making him flustered.

“so, did you finish that pre calc packet?” peter asked to distract himself. you lifted your head off his shoulder with a groan. “peter, we’re not talking about school for once. let’s talk about literally anything else.” “like what?” you were about to make a suggestion, but something caught your attention.

you raced over to a swingset, dragging peter along with you before he could realize where you were taking him. you stopped in front of it and threw your hands up to present it to him. he let out a breathy laugh. “when was the last time you went on one of these?” you asked, taking peter’s arm again. peter shook his head. “way too long ago.”

with a smile, you walked him over and took a seat on one of the swings. peter sat on the one next to you. you spun around in a circle to see how much you could twist the chains, peter laughing. “y/n, what are you doing?” “having fun. you should try it sometime.” he backed up to get himself started and grabbed his own chains. “i do have fun. it’s just not in the ways you think.”

you untwisted yourself to watch peter. “so, how?” “well,” he started going higher, “i like learning about stuff, even the things we have to in school.” “everybody knows that. that’s the first thing i thought of.” you did know everything possible about him.

everything except his new feelings for you, but this wasn’t the time for him to blurt that out. he was still figuring out when or if he should.

“guess i’m not gonna say i like movies, either.” “singing?” you were swinging next to him, turning it into an unspoken competiton for who could get the highest. peter slowed down a bit since he’d had a head start. “i suck. the only person who’s allowed to hear me is you.”

“it’s possible to suck at something and still enjoy it.” the breeze blew your hair around, peter seeing it from the corner of his eye. he’d always loved how carefree you were around him. it rubbed off.

“remind me to force you to do karaoke one day.” “you’re so annoying.” that motivated you to kick off harder on the ground. peter huffed and tried to catch up to you. “don’t be mean to your only source of fun.” if that wasn’t true, he would’ve came up with a comeback.

the only time peter remembered to relax was when he was with you. it was usually because you reminded him. he skidded to a stop on the swing and looked up at you.

“why’d you let me win? was that too mean?” you looked over your shoulder. “nah, i just got tired.” “oh. we can do something else now. catch me?” “sure,” peter chuckled and got off the swing. he stood in front of you on the grass and waited for you to get lower. you clenched your teeth into a nervous smile.

“ready?” “ready.” swinging towards him, you jumped off and expected to land in his arms. you ended up completely on top of him instead.

the wind was knocked out of both of you, but peter had it worse because he broke your fall. your hands were on his shoulders and one of his was around your lower back. neither of you realized the position you were in. you were too busy trying to breathe again.

“god, that hurt.” “my bad,” peter mumbled. in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t be complaining about this. “i should’ve warned you or something,” you dismissed him.

you were still hovering over peter, your lips dangerously close to his. he could’ve sworn they almost touched. that was when you got off of him. he only forced out a laugh. nothing ever went his way. you offered him a hand, oblivious to his inner conflict. peter took it and pulled himself up, falling into step next to you as you headed to another path.

that could’ve been a chance to make some sort of move, and he blew it.

♡ 4.

it hadn’t been easy for peter to move on from that day. his mind kept replaying the split second you almost kissed on an endless loop, and all he could do was come up with what he should’ve done in the moment.

things were getting to a point where he had no clue how to act around you. being your friend was hard, but becoming your boyfriend would be that much harder. his stupid feelings put him in an awkward place, and he was afraid you were starting to realize. he couldn’t lose you altogether.

you asked peter to meet you for coffee after school. it was this small place in between your apartments you’d both been to once before. they had really good cookies and an overall cozy feeling you liked. peter wasn’t sure what this was all about.

were you going to confront him? did ned say something? maybe it was a mistake to confide in his most gossipy friend about how he felt.

with a headache from stress and a heavy backpack hanging off his shoulders, peter walked into the café. he spotted you at a table near the window. you’d already taken the liberty of ordering, two drinks and a chocolate chip cookie waiting there. you looked up from your phone when peter pulled a chair out.

“hi.” you gave him a small smile and put your phone down. “i already got everything.” peter shrugged off his backpack with a grin. he sat down facing you. “thanks. sorry i’m kinda late. i had to stop at my locker.” you usually met him there. come to think of it, why hadn’t you today? you pushed peter’s drink over to him. “you’re fine. i came here early to get us a table, anyway.” phew.

peter bent the straw to his iced macchiato and took a sip. it made him feel grown up, casually drinking coffee with you over a boring conversation. adult life must’ve sucked. “so, how was the rest of your day?” he asked to fill the silence. you only had two classes without him after lunch, so that was a dumb question. he’d never had so much trouble talking to you.

“eh. betty fell asleep on me during this cold war documentary we had to watch.” “didn’t she say american history is her favorite?” you broke off a piece of the cookie with a laugh. “not after that. what about your day?” the light from the window was shining directly on you, blocking out everything else from peter’s view. he wanted to tell you how beautiful you were so bad, but that would be creepy.

you took a bite of your cookie and raised an eyebrow. he was staring. “uh, nothing interesting. i’m gonna patrol a little bit later.” peter sipped his drink again. you clicked your tongue and let out a breath. “that’s all you do these days.” he knew you were catching on to how off he’d been. what was he supposed to say? it would’ve helped if he’d prepared a few excuses.

“just trying to help out while i’m still here.” that was a half truth. “yeah, but you should still take some time for yourself.” you ripped open your straw wrapper and blew it at peter. he caught it just before it hit his face. rolling your eyes, you put the straw into your drink. “i hate your reflexes sometimes.” he shrugged one of his shoulders casually. “jealousy is a disease.”

neither of you said anything for a few minutes. you stared out the window while peter finished the rest of the cookie. he could tell something was on your mind. whenever you were deep in your thoughts, you sort of zoned out like this.

he was too nervous to ask you what was wrong because of the conversation you just had. it sounded like you had already considered he was being distant before today. his feelings aside, he needed to reassure you. that was more important.

“y/n?” you turned your head to look at him. “yeah?” peter’s gaze shifted from you to his thumbs twiddling in his lap. “i know we’ve both been really... busy lately, but i’m still here. don’t forget that.” a hint of a smile played on your lips. you would’ve hugged him if you could reach. “thank you, peter. i kinda needed to hear that.” he nudged your leg under the table. “of course. hey, you wanna come with me tonight?”

a couple of hours later, you were in peter’s arms on a rooftop that was much higher up than it looked. he insisted on taking you for a swing so you could get the full experience. he’d been trying to get you to do this for the longest time, so he wondered what made you agree today. you wanted to find out what was so enjoyable about it.

“i trust you, but you’re not gonna drop me, right?” your legs were around his waist, and he had one hand supporting you by your back. that wasn’t terrifying at all. you grabbed peter’s shoulders, the idea of it making you nervous. he wrapped his arm tighter around you.

“oh my god, no. i can always web you back up.” “peter! that’s not funny.” even behind the mask, you could tell he was smirking. “you’re always safe with me, squirt. don’t worry.” you brought your arms up to loop around his neck.

“i feel better now.” “good. i’m gonna jump when we get to the edge, okay?“ your whole body stiffened up. peter could sense it. as excited as he was to share this with you, he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “or we don’t have to do it.” his voice was quiet. you tried to relax in his hold. “i’m just gonna close my eyes. i think that’ll help.” “we’re about to find out.”

peter started walking towards the edge of the building with you holding on even tighter to him, your eyes squeezed shut. he kept finding himself in situations where he was close to you in the ways he’d been wishing for, but never for the same reasons. it was bittersweet.

he bit down on his lip and aimed his free hand at a building. you squealed when he leaned back. “i’m jumping now,” he prepared you, and before you could respond, you were in the air. you hid your face in peter’s chest the second you felt yourself pretty much flying.

“what the fuck, you like this?” you had to yell so he could hear you. peter shot another web to keep swinging. “it’s really not that bad! try looking up!” he shouted back, clearly amused.

grip tightening around his neck, you slowly pulled your face away from him. he kept you close as he swung. you somehow convinced yourself you weren’t going to die by looking at something besides peter. your eyes landed on the sky behind his head.

the sun was almost completely set, deep pink and orange merging together against the glowing lights of the city. you were finally understanding why he liked this so much. it was beautiful.

peter peeked at you for a second to check on you. he swore his heart was going to explode out of his chest. the look of adoration on your face, it was even better than the view. it was the view. the little moments where peter got to see you this way made him realize how in love with you he really was.

“this is... wow. i get it now,” you laughed in disbelief, watching as the city whirled past you. peter smiled so big it hurt. “pretty awesome, huh?” one of your hands slid back down to his shoulder. “take me with you more often.”

♡ 5.

peter licked his lips out of habit as he held the door open for may, who was following behind him with a look of pride. he was about to graduate high school. the ceremony was being held in a really nice stadium-like place. trying to find it added minutes on to the parker tradition of being late to everything important.

peter wasn’t as concerned with his tardiness as he was with finding you.

while he tossed and turned in bed the night before, he went over his whole school year in his head. that meant little things and big things. he was starting to drift off until he remembered a conversation with ned a few weeks back. they decided on a deadline for peter to tell you about his feelings, and it was before graduation.

they chose it because if peter got rejected, he’d be over it by the time college started. that was the goal.

it wasn’t that peter had changed his mind. it was that he completely forgot. he didn’t have a solid plan for what he should do. these things needed to be decided way in advance. he ended up pulling something together last minute because it was you. plus, this extra pressure gave him the push to go through with it. somewhere between steps seven and eight, he passed out.

may rushed him to get ready because he’d slept past his alarm. the whole morning was a mess, and he had at most fifteen minutes to confess his love to you by the time he got there.

“you should go make sure you’re marked here. i’ll see you after. love you.” may pressed a kiss to his cheek and half-jogged to the auditorium for a seat. he squeezed her arm and headed off to check in. your whole grade was already lined up along the walls for what looked like miles. the deal was to tell you before graduation. he still had about ten minutes.

peter walked past hundreds of students with his heartbeat thumping in his ears. everyone was in alphabetical order, so it didn’t take too long to find you. relief washed over you when you saw peter. you were worried he wouldn’t show up at all. his cap was in his hand, hair getting tangled from running his fingers through it. he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“finally, i’ve been trying to call you all morning. where were you?” your tone was dripping with concern. “i overslept. there’s something i gotta tell you, y/n.” he gulped. you smiled in a way that was kind of pitying. “we’re about to start going inside. i- you have to wait, pete. go get lined up.”

this wasn’t how it was going to end. not again.

he looked around to see who was watching, then he grabbed your wrist. “peter, what are you-“ “just come with me really quick.” despite yourself, you let him lead you down the hallway. you dodged a couple of teachers having a conversation and went into a bathroom that was vacant by some chance. he let go of you after the door shut. you stood behind it while he walked over to a sink.

it was making you anxious to not be out there. you could be late. peter was the same way when it came to school, so you knew this had to be pretty serious. you gave up the battle with yourself and made your way over to him. he was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to get a stray curl back in place.

“let me help.” you stood next to him. he turned to face you, that same look of urgency still in his eyes. you used two fingers to brush through his hair. there was so much gel that it was wet enough to mess with. you smiled a bit and took your hand out of his hair. his hand was gripping the sink.

“you look good, pete. you smell good, too.” “so do you.” his voice was lower than usual. you flattened out the material of your blue gown. “thanks. so, talk to me. what’s up?”

the question was so simple, but way too many answers were running through peter’s brain. he wasn’t even sure he’d have enough time to explain everything now. this was why he needed a written out and carefully crafted plan.

but, like he said to himself last night, this was you. his best friend in the entire world and any other that might exist. the person who’s been there for his most embarrassing moments, and who’s been responsible for some of his best ones. if he couldn’t finally say the three words he’d said to you so many times before, what was the point?

his fingers drummed a steady rhythm while he mustered up the last remaining bit of courage in him. you watched him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. “just, um...” he was stalling. he pulled his hand off the sink. “i... love you.” peter only glanced at you for a second, too afraid to see your reaction. “i love you, too. is everything okay?” his heart sank. you thought he meant it in the friend way.

that was what he got for being so terrible with words.

“no, y/n. not like that.” he blurted. you were lost. peter pressed his back against the wall and sat down. confused and equally worried, you sat next to him on the floor. “then what do you mean? you’re scaring me.” he checked the watch may made him wear to see how much time was left before graduation. four minutes. he really should’ve woken up on time.

“we have to get back in line soon. i don’t wanna miss-“ “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” a weight that had been on peter’s chest for months was lifted just by saying it. you squinted your eyes at him, but said nothing.

“i’ve been trying to tell you for a while, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i just had to say it.” “fuck, are you serious?” you sounded what peter could only describe as disappointed. yeah, it was unrequited. here came a summer of crying. “i was gonna tell you first.”

peter’s breath hitched in his throat, and he swore you could hear it. he was so sleep deprived that it felt like he was hallucinating. you shook your head as heat came to your cheeks.

“how long have you...” peter trailed off, an eye crinkling smile interrupting him. “that day we went for coffee. something clicked, so i thought for a while and figured it out. i think i’ve loved you for a really long time.”

you inched closer to peter, just barely resting your head on his shoulder. for once, you felt like the shy one. he put his hand on top of yours. his thumb traced over each of your fingers. “i’d ask you out, but you know. we don’t really have time.”

“peter, it won’t take that long.” you giggled. he squeezed your hand in his. “hm. y/n, would you wanna go out with me after this?” you thought about teasing him for it, but he was right. you had to go. that was the friend still in you. “i’d love to go out with you, peter.”

with that, you both jumped to your feet and ran out of the bathroom. you were still holding hands, and a few classmates made faces when you rushed past them to get to your spots. you exchanged one last smile with peter before lining up.

the person in front of you said everybody was looking for you two. honestly, you didn’t care all that much. you were too excited for your date later. peter already knew he’d be checking his watch throughout the whole ceremony.

it was a best friend and soulmate thing.

[tobesolonely]

more time with you

a/n: hello everyone! here's some dad!harry for you all :-) i had a lot of fun writing it and am wondering if this family could be a little recurring thing?? lmk what you all think! i hope you enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

warnings: fluff (super cute dad!harry!!!), oral (female receiving), fingering, dirty talk

word count: 2.5 k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

If you knew that getting your husband to take a break from all the late nights in the studio, the commitment to several different interviews a week, and the daunting possibility of a world tour within the near future, was by telling him you were ready for another baby, you would've done so way sooner.

Your daughter, Allison (or Ally, she reminded you every time you and Harry would get upset with her and call her by her full name), was nearly six years old. You knew that you and Harry wanted a big family, so it was a surprise to everyone that knew the two of you that you didn't have a house full of babies running around yet. Needless to say, you were ecstatic when Harry agreed he was also ready for another child. He immediately pushed back everything he had planned within the current year to the following year.

"Next album can come out a lil' bit later, m' sure everyone will understand." He reassured you when you asked him if he really had to cancel absolutely every single thing he had in the works. "Just wanna take some time off for you, Ally, and our second love bug. Loved the time off I spent with yeh and Ally when she was jus' a baby, 'member that?"

You smile at the memory of you and Harry being new parents, trying to care for a fussy baby that wouldn't sleep through the night for the life of you until she was nearly two years old. After that, Harry decided he was ready to get back to work, admitting that he wouldn't be as guilty leaving you with a baby that sleeps through the night versus one that wakes up every few hours.

"I remember," you sigh contentedly. "I can't wait to do it all over again. Also, can't wait to start trying…" You trail off, trying to slip your hand under Harry's t-shirt that he wore to bed the night before.

Harry tsks, giving you a cheeky look and moves your hand out from under the fabric of his shirt. "Not now, darling. Ally's football game is at ten, so we gotta wake her up soon."

Letting out a soft sigh, you cross your arms, knowing Harry was right. You were just excited by all that talk about expanding your family that you wanted to get started right away. If Ally was late to her football game, though, she'd be furious at the two of you because that would mean sitting out the first quarter. She hated not being able to play as much as she possibly could. "I'll go wake her up, and you can make her a bowl of fruit or something like that? Needs something light, so she doesn't complain about a stomach ache with all that running around she'll be doing."

"Oh yeah, wouldn't be good now, would it? Can't have a repeat of last time," he laughs at the memory of you frantically calling him during half time of your daughter's football game last year while he was at a meeting going over tour logistics to scold him for making her such a heavy, greasy breakfast, while he laughed and told Jeff about Ally's little incident. "I'll go get her breakfast started." He places a kiss on your cheek and swiftly gets out of bed. You get up shortly after him, tie your robe around your body, and head down the hall to your daughter's room.

"Ally," you knock gently on the frame of her door. "Time to get up, bug. It's half past 8, and your coach sent Mumma a message saying he wanted everyone there by 9:15. Up you go, sweetie."

Your daughter groans and pulls the covers up higher over her face. "M' sleepy, Mumma. Don' wanna go today." You smile at her and walk over to her tiny bed, sitting down on the edge.

"I'm sorry you're sleepy, bug. But your teammates need you! 'Member what Mumma and daddy told you about bein' a team player when you told us you wanted to play footie like all your friends in school? They're gonna be missin' you if you're not there with them today, sweetie."

At this, Ally peaks her head out from under her covers, sleep still in her eyes. You continue on. "And besides bug, daddy's gonna be at your game today! He hasn't seen you play very often, has he?" Ally's eyes immediately light up when you remind her that Harry would be in attendance. He was a wonderful husband and dad, but he wasn't perfect. Sometimes he'd forget about her games and practices and already have things scheduled that he just couldn't cancel at the last minute. Although your daughter understood that her daddy was very busy, she hasn't quite grasped the magnitude of exactly how famous Harry actually was. Therefore, she wasn't quite sure why he wasn't able to make it to every single one of her events.

"Daddy's gonna watch? He's gonna see my whole game!" Ally all but squeals, kicking her covers off. "Where's daddy? We can go now!"

You grin at your daughter's enthusiasm, thrilled that she was so excited for her daddy to watch her play. "Slow down, babe. I'll get your uniform out of the dryer, and you can go down and eat breakfast with daddy. How's that sound?"

Ally nods and quickly runs out of her room, ignoring you calling out to her and asking her to please stop running. Shaking your head, you get up from her bed and retrieve her football uniform. You hear her talking a mile a minute downstairs to Harry, telling him how excited she is that he was gonna get to see her play and get to see all her 'cool friends'. Ally was a daddy's girl for sure, and you loved every minute of it. After getting her uniform from the dryer, you lay it out on her bed and go downstairs to join your family.

"...and I can run so fast, Mr. Coach says I run fast like a road-runner! You'll think it's so cool, daddy, I promise!" You walk in on Ally enthusiastically telling Harry what to expect when he's at her game.

"Is that so, bub? Are you the fastest one on your team?" Harry entertains the conversation, setting a bowl of oatmeal in front of your daughter.

"Yeah, daddy! And I don't even trip and stuff over the ball anymore like I used to! Mumma says I'm more 'co-ordinated'!"

You and Harry let out a giggle at your daughter's pronunciation of the word 'coordinated'. Yet, she doesn't notice, hurriedly stuffing her breakfast into her mouth.

"I'm proud of you for being more coordinated, bub," Harry ruffles her hair. "C'mon and let's finish up so Mumma can help you get ready for your game, don't wanna be late, do ya?"

⋆⋆⋆

"That's my girl, Ally! Go- oh, wrong way, poppet! Other way!"

You watched amusedly from one of the folding chairs you and Harry brought. He's eagerly yelling to your daughter on the field who was now about to score a goal for the opposing team because she was running in the wrong direction. She kicks the ball to one of her teammates, and Harry claps loudly, causing her to stop and wave at him.

"Nice kick, Ally! Pay attention!"

The other parents are looking amused at Harry, some knowing who he is, you assumed, based on how they had their camera phones out. Harry turns to look at you unbothered, a proud grin on his face.

"My daughter is a football star! Gonna go pro, that one is."

"Our daughter," you jokingly tell him. "And sit down, Harry! You're distracting her. She has looked over this way at you probably a dozen times already!" Harry playfully rolls his eyes at you but sits down anyway, knowing you're right. He settles down for the rest of the game, cheering loudly for her but staying seated so she doesn't get distracted by him.

As soon as the game is over, Ally immediately runs over to her dad and starts talking excitedly. "Did ya see how good I played, daddy? Did ya? I told you I can run fast! Did you see how fast I run? I'm fast, do you think so?"

Harry lets out a loud laugh, hoisting your daughter upon his shoulders. "I saw indeed, poppet. Really startin' to think yeh the fastest lil' bug I've ever seen in my life." Ally's eyes widen at this statement, and you snicker as you fold the chairs you and Harry were sitting in back up. The three of you are getting ready to leave when one of Ally's teammates and her mother comes up to you with smiles on their faces.

"Great game, Ally! You're such a good little striker!" Ally beams at this compliment, as does Harry.

"Whadya say when someone tells yeh something nice, bug?" He gently reminds her. Ally lets out a timid 'thank you,' and Harry gives her a little squeeze on her leg.

"Can Ally come to my house and eat pizza with me? And we can play with my toys, and we can watch a movie!" Ally's friend looks between you and Harry, a pleading look in her eyes. "My Mumma said it's okay with her if it's okay with you!"

"Oh, we wouldn't want to intrude…" you start, but Ally's friend's mother waves her hand.

"S'not a problem at all! I'd love to have Ally over, lil' angel she is. She's always welcome over at mine." She tells you and Harry truthfully. You look at Harry and shrug, non-verbally telling him if he's okay with it, then you are. Ally's been over to her friend's house before and always has a great time, and you had no plans as a family for the remainder of the day.

"Okay yeah, that'll be fun won't it, bub?" He asks your daughter, lifting her off his shoulders and setting her back down. He reaches into his pocket and pulls his wallet out. "Let us at least pay for food and some desserts too, if the girls want. I'm sure they will, though." He winks at Ally and her friend, and they giggle and go to kick the ball back and forth to each other while the adults talk. Her mother thanks him profusely but tells him it isn't necessary, but Harry, being the kind person he is, insists and gives her a few bills to cover the girls' day together. He never liked sending your daughter with someone else's parents without money because he thought it was rude to expect them to pay for his kid. He usually ended up paying for all parties involved as a 'thank you' for having your daughter as company. After telling your daughter to be good and have fun, you and Harry walk hand in hand back towards the car.

"Got the whole rest of tha day to ourselves, don't we?" He asks, rubbing his thumb over yours. You hum in acknowledgment and turn to look at him. He has a cheeky grin on his face, and you immediately know what he's thinking.

"Think we should get started on that baby, then?"

⋆⋆⋆

As soon as the two of you are through the front door of your house, Harry has his hands all over you- one on your neck, the other gripping your ass.

"Harry," you moan out breathlessly. "M'not gonna conceive our baby next to the front door."

"Well lucky fo' you, I wasn't plannin' on takin' yeh next to the front door, hmm," he says against your neck, placing a wet kiss on it. "Jump."

You wrap your legs around Harry as he walks you to your couch. "Wasn't really thinkin' 'bout the couch either you goof, but I guess it's better than the floor."

Harry huffs in annoyance and lifts his head to look you in the eyes. "Wan' me to put this baby in yeh or not?"

"Course I do," you retort, reaching in between you to unbutton your jeans. "Been thinkin' about it since this morning."

Harry hums in response and lifts up your shirt, kissing his way down from right below your breasts until he's at your hips. "Gonna let me have a lil' taste first? Make sure you're all nice an' wet fo' me, pet?"

You nod quickly, lifting your hips so Harry could have an easier time getting your bottoms off. He yanks them off and flings them over his shoulder. Harry runs a calloused finger over your underwear, causing you to shudder. "Lets get these off, yeah? That alright with you?" You whimper, bucking your hips up against Harry's hand ghosting over your core.

"Gotta let me hear you say it Y/N, yes or no?" He has the most shit-eating grin on his face, and you know he's just trying to get you all hot and bothered.

"Yes Harry, please get these panties off of me," you all but beg. "Need to feel your tongue on me."

That's all Harry needs to hear before he's hooking your underwear in his fingers, shoving it to the side. He flattens out his tongue and licks slowly up your folds, moaning against you. "Always taste so good, pet. Love havin' my head between yeh thighs like this."

Letting out a rather loud moan, your eyes squeeze shut as you tangle one hand in Harry’s hair, the other gripping the side of the couch. He takes your clit in his mouth and hallows his cheeks, suckly gently. “Feel good, Y/N? Let me know when I’m makin’ yeh feel good, gotta hear it.” You nod, feeling yourself growing close already even though Harry hasn’t been at this for more than three minutes.

“Need your fingers, H,” you breathlessly tell him. “Make me come, please.”

You don’t have to tell Harry again. He sucks on his middle finger and slowly slides it in you, curling it up and searching for that sweet, spongy spot he’s so good at finding. His finger curls against it and you yelp in pleasure, grabbing onto his hair even tighter. “Feels s’good, baby. Fuck, don’t stop please. Whatever you do, don’t fuckin’ stop.” Harry speeds up, sucking even harder on your clit to help you reach your first orgasm of the day.

“Can feel your tight pussy throbbin’ round my finger, know yeh gonna come, Y/N. S’tha feel good?” You move your hands onto your chest, pushing your bra up and rolling your nipples between your fingers. Harry moans at the sight and flicks his tongue on your clit, middle finger moving nimbly inside your cunt. Without warning, your orgasm washes over you, and Harry helps you ride it out, not stopping his licks against your clit. He gradually slows down his movements against your pussy and lifts his head, a big dimpled grin on his glistening face. “Always taste delicious, but I think I wanna feel ya come around m’cock now. I mean, I am on a mission to put another baby in yeh, after all.”

You beam, knowing this was just the start of having Harry to yourself a lot more often.

[bvidzsoo]

Poison (Part 4)

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Pairing: Kim Mingyu x female reader

 Warnings: lots of cursing, blood, mild violence

 Word count: 18, 095

 Summary:  It seemed like Sana only brought more complications to your relationship with Mingyu and now you weren’t even sure where you stood with him. Finals hanging around were only adding on to your stress and your bad habit of building up your emotions finally blew up in your face, causing mayhem. 

 Taglist: @chal-kagyu​ @taeyongandfree​ @cheolliehugs @3rachaonlyfans 

 A/N:  Part 4 is here everyone! Get buckled up because this one is a rollercoaster of feelings, but you know, life isn’t just rainbows and sunshine, sometimes it gets dark and rains too. If you would like to be added onto the taglist, just click here and leave a message. I hope you enjoy this part!

           A day turned into two days; two days turned into three. Mingyu was busy with this sudden mysterious business everyone around me knew about, but refused to tell me; and I was busy studying for my finals with Seungcheol. Irene was nice enough to take one or two extra shifts to cover for my absence when I stayed up all night reading and reading for my thesis, and Vernon dropped by every day to drag me out for lunch to make sure I ate something at least once a day. I was beyond busy, and so was my brain overthinking every single little thing when it came to Mingyu. Yesterday, I noticed even the slight peachy smell combined with his cologne and it was enough to throw me off for the whole day. I was on edge every time I was around him and I hated it. I hated jealousy. This isn’t who I was before, with my other partners I couldn’t care less, but even just the thought of Mingyu with any other woman was enough to send me into an uncontrollable fury. It was a horrible feeling and it was bubbling up more and more inside of me, but I ignored it. For various reasons. First of all, I didn’t want to seem like a controlling, jealous girlfriend who jumps at other girls’ throats for daring to breathe in their boyfriend’s direction. Secondly, my pride wouldn’t let me tell Mingyu just yet, because deep down, I knew I was overreacting and that there was nothing going on between Sana and him. It was pure business, and I really understand that, but the way Sana acted around him; and he let her act like that; made my blood boil in my most peaceful moments. I’d randomly remember it in the middle of class and Seungcheol would give me a weird look, asking if I was okay, and I’d just nod wordlessly while trying to distract myself. Sometimes while on the phone with my parents, Sana wrapping her hand on Mingyu’s shoulder possessively would flash before my eyes, and my mother would point out the stress lacing my voice and I’d make a pathetic excuse that the cause were my finals hanging around. Other times, I’d be taking lunch with Vernon and Sana’s annoying voice would ring through my ears and I’d slam my spoon on the table too hard, creating a small commotion, but at least Vernon never questioned it. Vernon seemed to understand me without me even saying anything, and he never pushed me over the edge with his excessive questioning, like Seungcheol does. Even Irene noticed how tense my shoulders would be every day at 3:15, knowing well Mingyu was about to pass in front of the bookstore; which he actually stopped doing so often. My heart would jump in my throat every time I got a message form Mingyu and I’d have to stop myself from answering back aggressively. I even stopped texting him, afraid that I’d overshare how I was feeling without realizing. And that led to one or two things, which ended up with a pissed Mingyu and me screaming at him at 10 pm.

It started out as a normal night. I was sitting at the table in the kitchen, notebooks scattered around and coffee placed aside for another all-nighter. Seungcheol was on a last-minute notice business Jeonghan needed him to be at, so he skipped studying with me. I asked Mingyu to let Seungcheol off for two weeks, so that he can study for his finals, but Mingyu’s only answer was that ‘he’ll manage’. I was reading through my notes when the front door was unlocked, and of course, Mingyu walked in like this was his apartment. I was already in a bad mood, thoughts of how he acted towards me when Sana showed up swarm around in my head, and him showing up uninvited really ticked me off the wrong way.

“Y/N—”

“I’m studying!” I snapped from the kitchen, not bothering to welcome him like I usually would do. There was shuffling in the hallway and in came Mingyu, his shoes discarded at the door. His long coat clung to his body and he rubbed his hands together, beaming down at me.

“Where’s my kiss—”

“I said, I’m studying.” I said through gritted teeth, trying to calm myself down. I wasn’t being fair to Mingyu by not talking about what was bothering me, but I felt childish. I thought he’d laugh at me and even tease me about what was worrying me so much. I didn’t want to tell him, but it just made me feel worse.

“It takes only about a second to kiss me—”

“Mingyu!” I exclaimed, slamming my notebook on the table, “Can you leave me alone?!”

His eyebrows rose as I glared at him, hands shaking from anger but also fatigue. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and I gulped, almost spilling my frustrations.

“I don’t see you all day and then you blow up on me as if I did something wrong,” He said with a grimace, voice turning cold, “Thanks, my day was also amazing.”

I sighed and closed my eyes for a second, trying to stay rational, “I have finals next week, I need to study, my future depends on these marks, Mingyu. You can’t come by everyday unannounced and bother me! I can’t go on daily dates and act carefree when I have responsibilities to take care of! And you—you just—”

“I what?” Mingyu snapped, uncrossing his arms and storming inside the kitchen, “Is it so wrong I want to be with my girlfriend because I miss her? Because I think of her non-stop when I’m not with her? Because I like her so much, I want to be next to her all the time?”

“Mingyu—”

“No, Y/N,” He snapped, eyebrows furrowing and I stood up, regretting my outburst, “I have responsibilities too! A lot, actually, problems that could kill lives if I don’t take the right choices! I am responsible of twelve people’s lives and other innocent civilians that get involved with us! Do you really think I have all the time in the world to run around you? Be with you always?”

I huffed and threw my hands in the air, “Then why did you do it for the past six months? Why were you there daily for me, when I made it crystal clear I wanted nothing to do with you!? I didn’t ask you to do it.”

Mingyu stared at me, jaw clenched, and I felt my hands shake more, “Why offer me so much attention when—when—business is more important in the end? When a—woman, any kind of woman—is more important than I am?”  

I didn’t even realize my voice raised louder and louder, until I was done shouting the question. And I felt pathetic, I saw it in his eyes too, how Mingyu frowned and looked at me like I grew another head. I wanted to cry right there and then, pinch myself for letting that slip.

“What woman, Y/N?” He whispered, lips in a sneer, “Why are you not answering my texts—no, why did you stop texting me?”

I shrugged not trusting my voice and looked away, clenching and unclenching my hands into fists, “Because I’m busy.”

“Busy with what?”

“Studying.”

There was silence and I didn’t have the nerve to look at Mingyu, instead, I stared at the mug of coffee on the table. A loud, malicious, giggle bubbled out of Mingyu’s lips and my temper flared once again, “No, you are busy hanging out with Vernon for lunch dates. You are busy having fun with Irene at the bookstore, gossiping. You have fun with Seungcheol on your movie nights. And you have fun ignoring me and then blaming it all on me. I’m done playing this push and pull game of yours, Y/N, I’m sick of it all.”

“That’s not what this is about!” I was quick to defend myself, feeling sick by his words. They weren’t true, I really was busy studying, the others were just trying to distract me from losing myself and becoming overly stressed, “I study day and night, my finals are coming up! Okay, why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know, that’s a good question, Y/N,” Mingyu scoffed and turned around, jaw clenched, “Why don’t you ponder on it and then answer it yourself?”

I gulped and watched as he walked out into the hallway, jaw clenching more, and I panicked. I didn’t want him to leave pissed and misunderstand the whole situation which I caused because I’m insecure and too stubborn to admit my jealousy.

“Mingyu—”

“Save it, okay?!” His voice raised and I flinched, staring into his blazing eyes when he turned around.

“If you leave through that door,” My voice got shaky as I pointed towards the front door, “I’m breaking up with you.”  

The silence was deafening and I could hear my heart thumping loudly, as if it was in my ears. My skin tingled and when Mingyu stared back at me blankly, it made me more anxious. Why did I even say that? I didn’t want to break up with him, fuck, he’s probably one of the best things that happened to me in this life.

“Whatever,” He muttered and swiftly pulled on his shoes, his expression so cold, I didn’t recognize the man standing in front of me. I’ve never seen him so passive before, not even the night of our first encounter. He always showed some sort of emotions, seeing him like this was scarier than seeing him angry. I knew he was about to leave and I couldn’t stop the few tears from falling and I bit my lower lip, gulping down my pride for once.

“I’m so stressed, Mingyu, I can’t even think straight anymore, okay?!” I was shouting once again, but my voice was shaking and raw, “I tried to—not be like this, but I can’t when—Sana just shows up and you don’t even acknowledge me anymore! You let her be all over you and I’m just standing there like a fucking idiot! Like I’m not even your girlfriend but your maid! And these finals—I have to pass them, okay? You can’t interrupt me all the time, these are important, I really can’t—”

I choked on air, finally running out of energy to scream at him. I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore, I just needed him to stay and hug me. I needed Seungcheol; him to tell me everything would be alright. Mingyu watched me stunned, his anger still lingering, but he was more shocked than anything else.

“Sana, she’s not—”

“Whatever.” I snapped, wiping my tears away, “I have to study. Leave or stay, I don’t care.”

I turned to walk back to the kitchen but Mingyu held my wrist, “You have to talk to me, I’m not a mind reader, sugar.”

“Yeah, I’m not either, so maybe next time warn me when you have a woman over that wants to fuck you right in front of me.” I snapped and pulled my wrist away harshly, ignoring Mingyu’s sigh.

“Sana is not—”

“Goodbye, Mingyu.” A groan came from the doorway and I downed my coffee in one go, running my hands through my hair.

“If you think you can break up with me like that, you are stupid.” I scoffed and turned to look at him, not caring that he could see the redness in my eyes.

“Suck my dick, Mingyu.” A wide smirk spread onto his lips and I looked away scowling, my blood boiling once again.

“Text me when you’ve calmed down, sugar.” I flipped him off and he was out of my apartment, slamming the door shut. I scoffed and bit my lower lip, clearing my throat and glancing at the clock. I’ll have to buy some Sugus tomorrow for the kids staying next door and apologize to their parents for being so loud; it was out of the norm; I was a quiet person.

           Leaned against the counter, eyes wide open, I stared down at the white pages covered in letters and letters that seemed to not make any sense anymore. I clenched my jaw and focused harder, but I couldn’t even read the words anymore.

“Y/N,” I jumped when a soft hand gripped mine, “Can you please blink, you’re scaring me.”

“I thought staring down at my notes will help me memorize it all—” I let a cry fall from my lips, “It’s not working!”

Laughter bubbled up from Irene and I sighed, abandoning the thought of studying anything for the moment, “I can’t do this anymore!”

“I’m glad you finally realized!” Irene exclaimed and quickly slammed my notebook shut, pushing it away, “I thought I would have to wrestle you away.”

“No…” I muttered and took a seat behind the cashier, turning towards Irene, lips pulled in a tight line.

“What’s bothering you?” She asked softly, pushing up her glasses.

“Ah, I just—” I sighed and bit down on my lip, Irene didn’t know about me and Mingyu, “Just, you know, I had an argument with…Seungcheol? Yeah, it made me really sad and now I’m just pondering on it, I guess.”

“You should both apologize,” Irene said with a shrug and I hummed, “Communication is key, Y/N, you have to speak in order to solve your problems.”

I sighed and looked down at my hands, “I suck at communicating about my feelings.”

She placed another reassuring hand on my arm and I smiled at her, “He’ll come around, he always does, doesn’t he?”

Yeah, Mingyu comes around after he cools down. I apologized after my outburst and Mingyu showed up with chocolate cake, saying that it was the magical ingredient you needed after you got into a fight. I argued that it was the magical ingredient if you piss off your girlfriend when she’s on her period, but eventually had to agree with Mingyu, chocolate cake was a good way of making up. We both admitted to having been wrong, even though Mingyu really didn’t do anything. He tried to bring up Sana again, multiple times actually, but I refused to talk about it again. It doesn’t mean I still didn’t think about it all. The outburst didn’t help much, my beliefs stayed the same about the two, but at least I could close my eyes before sleeping without seeing the two all over each other behind my eyes.

The door opened, letting a cold gush of wind inside, and Irene was on her feet with a wide smile.

“Hi!” She squeaked out and I looked at her confused, turning my head. My eyebrows furrowed when I ended up looking at Jeonghan.

“Uh,” I narrowed my eyes at him, glancing at a smiling Irene, “Hi?”

“Good morning, ladies.” He said politely, sending a small wink at us, “I come with good news.”

“Uh—” I looked between Irene and Jeonghan, “You know…Irene?”

“Of course!” Irene exclaimed, throwing me a small glare, “Jeonghan really likes to read, he comes around every few days, right?”

Jeonghan and Irene shared a subtle look and I furrowed my eyebrows at them, “Weird.”

“Yeah, Y/N, in my free time, when my boss isn’t breathing down my neck, I really like to read.” Jeonghan threw me a knowing look and I grimaced, rolling my eyes, “And I live two blocks away.”

“You what?” I exclaimed, eyes widening.

“Yeah,” He threw me a smirk before looking back at Irene with a soft smile, “I like taking walks from time to time—”

“Motherfucker.” I snapped, palms balling into fists. That’s why Mingyu stopped coming by so frequently, Jeonghan was right here to look after me when he couldn’t, and I didn’t even realize that. Holy shit, Jeonghan has amazing stalking skills if I didn’t even realize!

“Y/N!” Irene exclaimed, eyebrows furrowed in desperation, “Shut up!”

Jeonghan cleared his throat and looked at Irene with a charming grin, “So, I’m going clubbing with a few friends tomorrow…would you like to tag along?”

“Yes!” Irene didn’t miss a beat when she answered, eyes set on Jeonghan’s face, “Y/N is coming too! She’s been studying like crazy; she needs a little break.”

“Yeah…” I shook my head, “I’m not coming. I’m not exactly in the mood for—”

“My friend would appreciate if I brought more girls with us, he doesn’t take ‘no’ as an answer.” Jeonghan said playfully, but I understood the underlying message. This was Mingyu’s plan all along, that fucker. Irene threw us a confused glance before clearing her throat.

“Well, then, we’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure, Vernon will pick you up girls,” Jeonghan winked at Irene and she blushed; I sighed, “I’m working beforehand, otherwise I would’ve picked you up.”

“Vernon Chwe?” Irene’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she glanced at me, “You know him?”

Jeonghan chuckled and leaned against the counter, “He’s a good friend of mine.”

“What a coincidence…” I muttered with a glare and Irene nodded, not bothering to look at me as Jeonghan seemed to lean closer in towards her.

“Nothing is a coincidence, Y/N.” He said with a shit eating grin and I glared at him, “See you, Irene.”

“See you!” Irene said breathless and followed Jeonghan with her eyes until he was outside the door. I scoffed and looked at her, not believing what I just found out. Just what other things did Mingyu not tell me? I slapped Irene’s arm to get her attention, and she glared at me.

“What?” She snapped and I rolled my eyes.

“You are a smart woman, please, stay away from Jeonghan.” I looked at her with a serious expression, not wishing a similar fate to mine for her. She was a sweet person; she didn’t need someone like Jeonghan to taint her.

“Don’t worry,” Irene giggled and turned around, walking away, “I only want to fuck him.”

“What!” I shrieked as Irene laughed loudly, disappearing between the rows of bookcases, “Are you serious—wait for me!”

           And that’s how I ended up with Seungcheol, Irene, and Vernon in my apartment at seven in the afternoon, getting ready for the party. The boys were being loud in the living room; they were arguing five minutes ago who was the best team in Formula 1; while Irene and I worked quietly in my bed room, music filling the room. I asked her to straighten my hair for me and I helped her pull hers in a really tight, high pony-tail. We did our makeup and chatted about what our plans were for the upcoming spring break, our boss gave us a two week leave as he was going overseas for some conference. I attempted to sneakily study a little bit, but Irene noticed me taking glances at my notebook and she threw it in one of my drawers when I wasn’t looking. I shook my head at her but said nothing, she was right after all, I was stressing myself out even further. When we were ready, we quickly got dressed. Irene told me she would bring over a dress for me when I told her I didn’t have anything to wear for the party, and my jaw dropped to the floor when she threw the leather, black dress at me.

“You want me to wear this?” I exclaimed; eyes wide as I held the dress in my hands.

“Duh,” Irene said with a chuckle, not even glancing at me as she pulled on her black mini-dress which had a dangerously high cut at her right thigh. The long sleeves clung to her arms like a second skin and in a swift motion her high heel boots were on, and Irene was ready to leave.

“Stop standing there like a dummy,” She chuckled as she passed by me to get her phone, “We are supposed to leave in—”

“Y/N!” Seungcheol hollered from outside the bedroom door, knocking aggressively, “When are you done?”

“In five minutes!” Irene called back and I sighed, knowing I had no choice but to wear the dress now. I made a mental reminder to never trust Irene with picking a dress for me. Reluctantly, I pulled on the tight dress, groaning when it stopped mid-thigh.

“Why is it so short?!” I exclaimed, throwing daggers at Irene with my eyes when she giggled.

“Because you’re taller than I am!” I groaned and walked to the mirror, grimacing when I saw myself. The dress was off the shoulders and it clung to my whole body like a second skin. It had a belt at the waist that I tied tightly, and of course a zipper at the front, which was the only thing keeping the dress together. Irene grinned when she stopped beside me and patted my back.

“I knew this would look bomb on you,” I threw her a small glare and suddenly, her fingers gripped the zipper and pulled it down enough to expose the top of my breasts.

“What are you doing—” I shrieked and slapped her hand, trying to pull the zipper back up, but with a surprising force, Irene gripped my wrist and gave me a look.

“We are going clubbing, not to a grandmother convention.”

“This dress already is enough for clubbing! Why pull the zipper, Irene—”

“Silence!” She raised her hand, giving me a look when I opened my mouth to speak, “I won’t go if you don’t leave the zipper the way I did it!”

“You’re so mean.” I muttered with a pout and walked to my bed, picking up the red lipstick that I left there. I went back to the mirror and applied it on my lips, a grin appearing on them unintentionally. I looked really hot, cat-eyeliner looking amazing with this shade of lipstick. The more I looked at the dress too, the more I started to like it, but I would never let Irene know, I don’t want to see her shit-eating grin.

“Now…” I heard her mutter and when I turned around, she was bent down looking for something, “Where do you keep those leather heels you told me about…”

And then it clicked and my mouth fell open, “You!”

Irene glanced at me but continued looking wordlessly, the heels were resting by the wardrobe, “That’s why you picked this dress! Because I told you about my heels! I should have stayed silent—”

“Oh, quit whining!” Irene snapped, a victorious smirk on her lips as she held the heels in her hands and threw them in my direction, “Put them on, five minutes are almost up!”

I grumbled to myself as I pulled on the leather heels, coming mid-thigh, just below where the dress ended. The heels were sharp and tall, elongating my legs even more.

Irene squealed and threw me a mischievous smirk, “Everyone will want to fuck you tonight—”

“Irene!” I screamed, slapping her arm and making her hiss, “Stop saying stuff like that!”

I turned around, embarrassed, to grab my purse from the bed, ignoring the thoughts of Mingyu suddenly invading my mind. How will he react seeing me dressed like this? Meanwhile the red silk dress from the auction was definitely the look, this one is even better. This look, is my kind of look. It really brings out my best features and I feel really hot right now, I hope Mingyu will think the same. But not to the extent to ruin our secret…wait, who said Mingyu was even coming? No one, but by Jeonghan’s subtle words, I assumed Mingyu would show up too. After all, I can not imagine Mingyu not being there when his girlfriend is about to parade around a place infested with males. I just hope he doesn’t kill anyone who dares looking my way.

After turning off the music and shutting off the lights, Irene grabbed her bag, and we headed out of my bedroom. Vernon and Seungcheol were still in the living room, now having quieted down, speaking in hushed tones. I motioned for Irene that I will inform them that we are done and that we can leave. I walked carefully to create less sound, curious of why they were suddenly whispering.

“I’m not keen of mingling with the police.” Seungcheol’s voice was deep and low, as I peeked around the corner.

“That auction made us too susceptible, Mingyu knows what’s he doing—”

“Mingyu doesn’t know shit!” Seungcheol snapped harshly and Vernon sighed.

“I know you are his second-in-hand, but S.Coups, we wouldn’t be here if Mingyu didn’t pull all that shit years back—”

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL IS MINGYU’S SECOND-IN-HAND?!

“Don’t you see he stopped listening to me?”

“It’s not like that—”

“Vernon, ever since he met Y/N, he’s…just changed. He does things carelessly; he fucked up two raids, for fuck’s sake, two! And now mingles with the police? Take orders from Wonwoo—fucking Jeon Wonwoo; Vernon! I’m sick of it all, I just want to—”

“What are you doing—” I yelped when Irene showed up next to me making me stumble a bit forward. Vernon and Seungcheol turned abruptly, heads shooting in our direction. My eyes widened and I shook my head at Irene, asking her to stay quiet. They definitely realized I was eavesdropping and I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to hear any of that. Seungcheol is Mingyu’s second-in-hand? What’s so wrong about taking orders from Wonwoo? Why did Mingyu change after meeting me? And why is a mafia leader getting involved with the police, isn’t that pure suicide? My head became dizzy from all the wondering and I cleared my throat when I realized all eyes were on me.

“What? Oh yeah, we are done.” I offered a small smile to Vernon and Seungcheol. Both men nodded, but remained staring at Irene and I, “Uh…what?”

Vernon giggled but Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed more, “Go back to your room and change out of that—”

“Are you her father, Seungcheol?” Irene snapped, glaring at Seungcheol, “Shut up and come on!”

“You look awesome, both of you!” Vernon exclaimed as he passed by us to put on his shoes. Seungcheol ignored Irene and walked up to me, eyebrows still furrowed.

“I have nothing else to wear.” I said with a shrug and Seungcheol scoffed.

“Do you want me to go through your wardrobe real quick?” He raised his eyebrows and Irene scoffed, hooking her arm with mine.

“Sorry, we’ve got no time for that,” She flashed him a fake grin and pulled me out into the hallway, where Vernon was typing on his phone, “Jesus, you never told me Seungcheol was so protective.”

“Why do you think I chose him to be my best friend?” I asked with a chuckle and Cheol scoffed from behind me.

“Obviously not with the intent of also listening to me when I want to do something good for you.”

“Oh, come on, Cheol,” I pouted and let go of Irene to grip onto my best friend’s arm, “I always listen to you, and if I don’t, I always take those words as advice.”

“Advice that kills you?” He raised his eyebrows and I threw him a glare as I let go of him.

“I’m not talking about Mingyu, again.” Vernon and Irene’s heads turned toward us in curiosity.

“He’ll be there tonight though.” Vernon raised an eyebrow and I threw him a questioning look before patting Seungcheol’s cheek.

“I love you, but shut up, Cheol.” He scoffed but a small smile slipped onto his lips.

“I love you too—”

“Good!” Irene chimed in, opening the front door, “Now that we are done with our early evening confessions, can we go?”

“We really should, Seungkwan texted me, they are already on their way there.” Vernon said as we all left my apartment and I locked the door, holding Seungcheol’s hand as we headed for the elevator. He gave it a reassuring squeeze and I grinned at him, pulling the leather jacket tighter around me. The weather wasn’t exactly fit for leather wear.

           I had no idea the whole SVT gang was coming to this underground party, so when four different flashy cars showed up in the parking lot, I was pretty surprised. Surprisingly, we arrived earlier as they got caught it traffic and we were waiting for the rest of the men inside Vernon’s car. It was cold outside and Irene and I weren’t dressed exactly appropriate for this weather, we didn’t want to catch a cold. Vernon got a text saying everyone was here, so we finally exited the warm car. Seungcheol was by my side instantly and I rolled my eyes when he intertwined his fingers with mine and threw a menacing glance to a guy passing by, who happened to look in our direction.

“Honestly, you have to stop doing that…” I trailed off with a look, making Seungcheol scoff.

“Right, I’m not gonna let guys ogle you the whole night—”

“I don’t think that’s how this works, Cheol.” I said with a laugh as we approached Mingyu’s Mercedes. Wonwoo was leaning against the car and Jihoon was by his side, talking about something.

“Seungcheol, Y/N!” Wonwoo exclaimed when he saw us and I offered him a small wave.

“Hi.” Jihoon gave us a nod and the three men did a handshake as I stood to the side. I looked around, searching for Mingyu, but I couldn’t see his tall frame anywhere. Irene was by Jeonghan’s side, giggling, and Vernon was leaning against his car, smoking a cigarette. I gave him a frown and he chuckled, making Seungkwan turn around with a frown. When his eyes fell on me, he gave me a glare and faced Vernon with a pout, making him burst out in laughter. I chuckled and turned back around, facing Mingyu’s car, eyes falling on the opened back door. Wonwoo held it with his hand as he typed away on his phone with his other; a leg was placed outside. My heart picked up and I looked at Seungcheol nervously, but he was busy muttering with Jihoon. Then, a hand gripped the edge of the door and out came Mingyu. Our eyes fell on each other and Mingyu’s jaw instantly clenched, making my heart beat faster. He wore leather pants, which hugged his long legs in all the perfect ways giving me a good view of his strong thighs; and he wore his leather jacket to match with his pants. I bit my lower lip, eyes running up and down his body, itching to go over and hug him tightly, to feel his body against mine. His curly hair was pushed back and the choker poking out from underneath his jacket made me gulp. Suddenly, Wonwoo cleared his throat, gaining my attention.

“You definitely didn’t miss the opportunity to dress up.” He said with a chuckle, glancing at Seungcheol, who happened to scoff.

“I’m never letting Irene dress her again.” He grumbled and I huffed, Jihoon started laughing loudly.

“Why not?” Jihoon asked once he calmed down, “She looks hot.”

I gulped and looked away from him flustered, watching Wonwoo grow amused as Mingyu slammed the door shut. I looked at him and he was glaring at an oblivious Jihoon.

“Irene picked your dress?” Mingyu finally spoke, eyes gazing at me intensely. I gave him a look before intertwining my fingers with Seungcheol’s again.

“Let’s go before he pisses me off.” I snapped and dragged Cheol with me, joining the other men that decided to enter the club. I felt Mingyu’s burning gaze on the back of my head and I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from joining his side. I desperately wanted to touch him, but I knew I couldn’t when everyone would see us. To them, I still hated Mingyu, and Mingyu was still chasing me without any successful results. It sucked having a secret relationship, but I wasn’t ready to let everyone know. When we joined the line to enter the club, Seungcheol let go of my hand to go join Joshua at the front. Irene was waiting at the back for me, pouting when I joined her.

“Where’s your prince, huh?” I teased her and she nodded to where Seungcheol was.

“He got whisked away by that Joshua guy, I think…”

“Yeah, that’s Joshua.” I said with a chuckle and Irene crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Well, I hope he’ll stop bothering Jeonghan for the rest of the night—” Irene muttered and quickly smiled when Jeonghan glanced back at her. I rolled my eyes and watched Jeonghan beacon her over.

“Okay, that’s my sign.” She said with a smirk and pushed her way to the front where Jeonghan was. I huffed and remained standing alone at the back of the line, searching for Vernon to go and join him. When my eyes fell on him and I was about to walk over, a big hand gave my ass a hard squeeze and I hissed, whirling around, ready to punch the person, but it was Mingyu. My anger faltered quickly, until I remembered anyone could see us.

“What are you doing!” I snapped and glanced around, but no one from SVT was paying attention to us.

“You’re wearing all leather?” Mingyu muttered, eyes running over my body once again, and I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Yeah…” I muttered and didn’t step back when he closed the distance between us.

“Well fuck me,” He chuckled and pressed a hard kiss against my lips, making me whine, “Is this your way of getting revenge that I left that night?”

I rolled my eyes and raised my hand to wipe the red lipstick off his lower lip, “Don’t flatter yourself so much, Mingyu, if I really broke up with you that night, I wouldn’t be here.”

“You still think you can avoid me or ignore me?”

“So, what you are saying is that you’ll bother me for the rest of my life even if I end things with you?”

“You can’t end things with me, sugar,” His lips pulled up into a malicious smirk, “only death can do us apart.”

“Jesus,” I scoffed and stepped away, turning around to walk further inside the club, “I think this is the red-flag I’ve been waiting for.”

Mingyu’s smirk widened more and I threw him a glare as we reached the entrance. I went to take the money I placed in my pocket for the entrance fee, but Mingyu pulled out his wallet and threw a card at the guy selling the tickets. His eyes widened and he handed us two bracelets with a bow of his head, refusing to take my money when I tried to hand it to him confused.

“What was that?” I asked confused as we stepped inside the club, the music not quite loud as the party barely started and there weren’t many people around yet.

“Oh, that?” Mingyu asked cockily and I glared at him as I handed him the bracelet to put it on for me, “Nothing, just exerting my power onto others, of course.”

I huffed and smiled at him mockingly, “Don’t tell me literally everyone knows who the fuck you are.”

Mingyu raised his eyebrows and looked at me seriously, waiting for my reaction. When I realized he wouldn’t say anything else, realization dawned on me and my mouth fell open. He smirked again and I glared at him, ready to burst his cocky bubble.

“Well, to your information, if you showed me whatever the fuck you showed the guy, I still would have asked for money, because six months ago I had no fucking idea who you were, so…don’t flatter yourself so much, Kim Mingyu.”

“No, sugar,” He stepped closer, eyes fixating on mine, “That’s just who you are. Even if you knew me, you’d still not let me pass without paying—”

“You’re damn right…” I scoffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest, “You with your God-complex, Jesus…”

Mingyu burst out laughing and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back again, my eyes following the movement. I wanted to run my hands through his hair too, but tonight I couldn’t.

“Y/N!” I sighed quietly as Seungcheol appeared at my side, watching me confused, “Why did you disappear?”

“Why did you leave me alone?” I fired back and he rolled his eyes, gripping my arms firmly.

“Joshua had something to say, you could have just walked with me—”

“Yeah, maybe if you told me!” I shrugged and Seungcheol threw me a small glare before turning towards Mingyu.

“And what do you want?” He snapped, raising his eyebrows.

“Ah, me?” Mingyu chuckled and raised his arms in the air as if he was surrendering, “Absolutely nothing…from you.”

Seungcheol’s glare returned as he started pulling me away from Mingyu and I giggled quietly, glancing back to see him following us.

“We booked a booth; you can leave your stuff there.” Seungcheol spoke as he led the way to the booth section, a sign saying only those could sit there who had booked one previously. I nodded wordlessly and noticed how Seungcheol abandoned his coat. He was wearing a sleeveless black tank-top with a high neck, it was tucked inside his high-waisted cream-colored loose trousers. And he comments about how I dressed, when he looks this hot.

We reached the booth and I scoffed as Seungcheol faced me, “Look at you scold me when you look like that!”

Seungcheol looked down at himself with a confused looked, Mingyu stopped next to me and took a quick lookover of the older male standing in front of us.

“I look…normal?” Seungcheol said finally confused, looking back at me.

“You look hot!” I exclaimed and people passing by glanced at me amused, Mingyu scoffed next to me. Seungcheol bit his lower lip piercing, trying to stop the smile from spreading onto his lips.

“Like…really fucking hot…” I emphasized it more and Mingyu scoffed louder, suddenly throwing his leather jacket off. Seungcheol and I looked at him questioningly but he ignored us and brushed past me, raising his chin high.

“What’s his problem.” Seungcheol muttered amused and I laughed, shrugging my shoulders.

“Maybe he’s jealous—”

“Please,” Seungcheol gave me a look, “Jealous of what? It’s not like you offered him sweet attention for the past six months—actually, I feel like you’ve gotten nicer to him since the auction.”

“I have?” I mused surprised, unzipping my leather jacket, “I don’t think I have; you’re just imagining it.”

“Am I?” Seungcheol raised his eyebrows and I stared down at him, I was taller in my heels, as I took off the jacket.

“Will you seriously ruin my night by mentioning Mingyu every five seconds?” I raised my eyebrows at my best friend and he shook his head, taking my jacket.

“No, no…” He approached the booth and called out for Soonyoung to take them and hand the jackets behind him on the wall, “Wanna take some shots now or when the party starts?”

“Now—”

“Y/N!” Two different hands grabbed my arms on each side and I jumped, looking at Seokmin then at Chan.

“Hi, guys,” I giggled and Chan offered me a small wave.

“Did I just hear shots?” Seokmin asked with a wicked grin and I nodded my head slowly, glancing at Seungcheol, who didn’t look very amused.

“Want to join us?”

“Hell yeah!” Seokmin exclaimed excited and I laughed, wriggling an arm free to wave over Irene and Vernon.

“Irene! Vernon!” I called loudly, catching their attention, “We are getting shots!”

Irene was instantly on her feet, Jeonghan forgotten, as she basically ran up to us and Vernon quickly stood by Seungcheol’s side to join us.

“Okay, let’s go then…” I grinned and Seokmin gripped my arm again as him and Chan started pulling me towards the bar eagerly, making me giggle quietly. It was a bit hard to keep up with their eager pace in these heels, but I stayed quiet as the booth wasn’t very far from the bar. Irene, however, was basically running in her heels and she got to the bar first, already speaking fast to order.

“Someone is eager tonight…” Vernon muttered as we got to her side, he leaned against the bar.

“Eager to choke on some dick, you mean—” Seokmin and Vernon burst out laughing as I gave my best friend a nasty glare. Chan muttered something underneath his breath as he gave Seungcheol the stink eye too, letting go of my arm.

“At least I’m getting some dick tonight, Seungcheol, unlike you—” Irene smirked sweetly at Cheol, “Who will be playing police and hunting down every guy that dares to come close to Y/N, am I right Y/N?”

“Sounds pretty right.” I nodded with a hum and Seungcheol scoffed, turning around and grabbing a shot glass.

“Shut up and drink.” He snapped and we all laughed, stepping forward to grab a glass each. Seokmin still held onto my arm and I didn’t question him. We clanked our glasses together and emptied the glass, throats burning from the strong liquid. Suddenly, another round was placed on the table and we all looked at Irene.

“What? I told them I’m here with Kim Mingyu and apparently everything is on the house—so, I ordered five rounds!” She said excitedly, another glass in her hand already.

“Five rounds?” Chan exclaimed, grimacing as he hesitantly grabbed another glass.

“Dude,” Vernon grinned as he watched Chan amused, “You are so getting shit faced tonight!”

“You’re telling me?” Chan whined as we all grabbed our second rounds, “I didn’t eat anything before coming here.”

“Me neither.” Seungcheol groaned out after we downed our second shots. I shuddered as the liquid traveled down to my stomach, burning my body from the inside.

“What’s with Mingyu though,” Irene spoke up as our third round got filled, “Everyone looked scared shitless when I mentioned him—”

“We are regulars here.” Vernon quickly answered her, before anyone else could, “He gets in fights sometimes, and uh, he’s a big guy, you know—people don’t exactly—vibe with him always, you know?”

“Ah,” Irene pouted and handed me my third round of shot, “That makes sense.”

“It totally does.” Seokmin said with a very serious expression, making Irene give him a questioning look.

“Who are you again?” She asked as we raised our glasses and downed the shots, “I forgot your name.”

Chan laughed next to me and Seokmin glared at him as my body shuddered again from the foul taste.

“Seokmin.” The bright boy said sulkily next to me and I offered him a small smile.

“I don’t think five shots are smart, because I’m starting to get dizzy—”

“This is a bad idea,” Seungcheol agreed with me, but his fourth round was in his hand already, “But I mean…we’ve only got two rounds…”

“Fair point…” I muttered as we downed this and then the next one, groaning at the burning in our body. I ordered some Sprite to wash down the foul taste but it only helped partially. Seungcheol walked to my side and threw his arm over my shoulders, grinning at me. I chuckled and glanced at Seokmin questioningly as he held my arm still.

“Oh, this?” He grimaced and only gripped harder, “I stop feeling my legs when I drink alcohol, I really need to hold onto someone.”

“Wouldn’t it be smarter to hold onto Vernon, Chan or Seungcheol?” I raised my eyebrows as Chan approached Seokmin on his other side, “They are more powerful, you know…”

“But your skin is really soft…” Seokmin muttered to himself and Irene’s laughter was loud as Seungcheol glared at the man.

“Take him away.” He instructed Chan and the younger boy did as told, dragging away a pouting Seokmin. I laughed and pulled Vernon into my side, gazing out onto the dance floor. The club was finally getting filled, music turned up to a louder volume now, bass reverberating off the walls and making our chests feel like they thumped together.

“I hope you both dance with me!” I looked at my two friends with raised eyebrows and accusing eyes. Vernon grinned and Seungcheol sighed, giving me a look.

“Of course, we’ll dance with you, Y/N!” Vernon pushed off the bar and pulled us onto the dance floor, “Why did we even come clubbing for if not to dance?”

“Definitely not for a one-night stand!” Irene flashed Seungcheol sweet eyes as she brushed past us, headed for the booth to probably coerce Jeonghan on the dance floor as well. Vernon and I laughed as Seungcheol glared after Irene, arm leaving me. Vernon turned me around, hugged me into himself, and started shaking us around. I burst out laughing as I tried to wriggle out of his grip, but he became more chaotic, totally ignoring the beat of the music.

“Stop!” I laughed as Seungcheol watched us with a glare, “I just had five shots, do you want me throw up on you?”

“Are you drunk already?” Vernon exclaimed alarmed and stepped back.

“No, but anyone would throw up if someone shook them around like that!” Seungcheol answered for me and I nodded with a shrug, Cheol wasn’t wrong. Vernon pouted and pretended to walk away from us, making Seungcheol and I roll our eyes as we intertwined our hands and stared moving to the upbeat song. Seungcheol started jumping around and I shook my head, as I watched Seungkwan surprised as he joined us. He threw me a small glare before facing Vernon and they moved around goofily, making me smile. The brotherhood these boys had was anything unlike I’ve seen before. In the six months I spent with them, I realized they were a big family before they were just a gang formed of thirteen members. They loved each other genuinely and supported each other when in need. Distracted by watching Vernon and Seungkwan, I almost failed to notice Seungcheol sneakily trying to grab the zipper of my dress.

“Are you trying to touch my boobs, Choi Seungcheol?!” I called out loudly, staring at him with my eyebrows raised. Seungcheol’s face drained of color and he shook his head violently, his grip leaving my hand, as he went to even shake his hands.

“No, no, no!” He exclaimed, panicked, “That zipper could be pulled higher, your boobs are kind of—”

“Spilling out?” Seungkwan intertwined, giving me a side glance, “That’s the charm of the dress, Seungcheol, let the woman have fun, Jesus…”

A big grin spread on my lips as I looked at Seungkwan, he had a scowl on his face but it wasn’t directed at me this time, and I felt grateful. He never really liked me, even though Vernon said he’d come around, Seungkwan never really did like Jihoon, Joshua and Minghao did. All three warmed up to me after I spent a little time with them, but Seungkwan was hellbent on always making fun of me and criticizing me. I didn’t understand why, but I convinced myself that was how Seungkwan just was. He showed his love like that, or at least I fed myself that lie to feel less worse whenever we met. His eyes fell on me and he threw me a small glare and I knew the little affection he showed towards me was gone and never spoken again of, so I stuck my tongue out at him and turned back to Seungcheol to shake my ass at him, knowing it’d piss him off. And it did, when I faced him, he was glaring at me and his arms were crossed in front of his chest.

“Five more rounds to make Seungcheol less tense and to get him to leave you alone?!” Vernon asked as he watched all three of us, eyes lighting up with mischief. I laughed and shook my head as Seungkwan took the offer.

“I’m good for now! Maybe later, but Seungcheol—” I threw my best friend a knowing smirk and he sighed, motioning for Vernon and Seungkwan to follow him to the bar. He loved drinking, especially if it was free, and so I knew he’d get drunk and I’d have to sleep over at his to make sure he didn’t get sick during the night.

Being left alone on the dance floor, I moved around to the beat subtly, turning to try and find our booth from here. Most guys have already dispersed around the club, only around four people remained in the booth, and when I saw Mingyu sitting there alone, I decided to approach him. I walked around people, pushed a few away, to be able to get out from the dance floor and the first thing I noticed were Jeonghan and Irene sitting at the edge of the booth, leaning over each other as they were talking about something.

“Y/N!” Irene exclaimed when I stopped next to them and Jeonghan gave me a smirk as a greeting, “I was looking for you!”

“You were?” I raised my eyebrows and Jeonghan chuckled, raising to his feet, “Didn’t seem like it to me!”

“She was!” Jeonghan said as he exited the booth, offering his hand for Irene, “Care to join us on the dance floor?”

“Go ahead, I’ll be there in a few seconds!” Irene offered me a wide smile, disappearing with Jeonghan onto the dance floor. My eyes fell on Wonwoo and Mingyu, the only people sitting in the booth. Wonwoo was on his phone, sitting to the side, meanwhile Mingyu sat in the back, in the middle of the long sofa, legs spread wide and arms resting on the back of the sofa. He wore a white sleeveless shirt with green vine-like prints on it, and his choker was white as it sat around his neck tightly. I took in his form and gulped down the excess saliva, resting my arms on the table and leaning forward. Mingyu’s eyes instantly left my face and rested on my chest, jaw clenching, before he slowly dragged his eyes back up. We made eye contact and he licked his lips, hands clenching into fists. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one struggling at trying to stay away from him tonight, but I sure as hell was doing a better job at not showing it.

“Do you plan on sitting there all night?!” I asked loudly, Wonwoo snapped his head up at my voice alerted, “Just sit and watch?!”

Mingyu licked his lips again as his eyes fell back onto my breasts and he nodded, “I like the view from here!”

“You sure do,” I rolled my eyes, and stood up straight, “but I’m feeling lonely.”

“Someone is being careless tonight!” Mingyu’s lips spread in a smirk and I returned it.

“Who says I’m inviting you to dance with me? I’m asking you to join us!”

“Yeah, I’ll pass on that offer, sugar.” I huffed and my eyes landed on Wonwoo, who’s phone was placed away now.

“And you?” I raised my eyebrows at him, “Will you stay here all night next to Mingyu like a guard-dog?”

Wonwoo’s lips pulled up into an amused smile and he glanced at Mingyu, getting to his feet and adjusting his pants before he spoke up, “Of course not, I was just waiting for a hot chick to invite me to dance!”

“Wonwoo.” Mingyu’s growl was low, yet we both caught it and both Wonwoo and I burst out laughing as he exited the booth.

“Yeah, sorry, Mingyu, but I came here to have fun so…suit yourself!” Wonwoo winked at his friend and I took his extended hand, turning my back to Mingyu; I made sure to sway my hips more than I usually would do as Wonwoo led the way to the dance floor.

           Time passed but the night was still young and I haven’t stopped dancing even for a second. I took three trips to the bar already, only doing three round shots this time, not exactly wanting to get drunk by the end of the party. I knew how to hold my liquor, I also knew when was the time for me to stop and right now I was right there, so instead of downing another round of shots like Irene and the guys were doing next to me, I instead drank from the Sprite I ordered. Soonyoung and Seokmin cheered loudly as they slammed their glasses against the bar, high-fiving each other for finishing the shots first and then they turned around and headed back to the dance floor. I laughed at them and turned towards Minghao when I felt him nudge me. He had a sour look on his face, eyebrows furrowed, and I offered him my Sprite to wash away the sour taste of his non-alcoholic drink with. He took it with a grateful nod and I looked towards Irene amused when she started cheering loudly. Her and Jeonghan have been drinking the whole time we’ve been here for, competing to see which one would get drunk first, and right now, both already were.

“That was my last shot of the night!” Jeonghan slurred, almost knocking over three other glasses as he slammed his down.

“You give up?!” Irene shouted with a grin.

“Unless you want to put me in a coma?!” I laughed at Jeonghan’s words and took the bottle of Sprite back from Minghao.

“I won then,” A smirk spread on Irene’s lips and she stepped closer to Jeonghan, holding his chin, “where’s my prize?”

“Right in front of your eyes.” Jeonghan smirked before his lips were on Irene’s and both Minghao and I turned away with a grimace on our faces.

“That was enough action for me tonight, I’m retreating!” He called with a tired voice, taking my Sprite bottle, “I’m stealing this, I hope you don’t mind!”

“I don’t, drive home safely!” I patted his shoulder; Minghao didn’t drink alcohol tonight; and Minghao gave me a small nod of goodbye.

“Take care of your drunk friend!” I nodded as he disappeared into the crowd of people. Seeing Jeonghan and Irene still making out, I sighed, and headed back onto the dance floor, eyes falling onto the booth to find Mingyu gone. He, himself, took a few trips to the bar during our time here, but I always kept my eyes on him and so did he with me. Not seeing him didn’t alert me very much, but I continued to look for him to make sure he was fine. He was a powerful and dangerous man after all, many people wanted to see him dead. Not seeing him at the bar and booth, I figured he’d gone to the restroom, so I ventured inside the dancing crowd but my eyes narrowed when it fell on Mingyu. Two females with short skirts, shorter than mine, clung onto his exposed arms and giggled at something Mingyu was saying. He was grinning down at them wickedly and my jaw clenched as I watched the suggestive way they continued gazing at him. I knew he was just doing his façade as the two of us basically weren’t a couple that others knew about, but as I turned down multiple men trying to hit on me, I expected the same behavior from him. Without thinking twice, the alcohol fueled my anger even more, I headed in their direction eyes set on them like a hawk. As the long, black haired girl raised her hand to place it against Mingyu’s chest, I caught it in a vice like grip. I didn’t even care anymore if someone from SVT saw me, I wanted their hands off my boyfriend.

“Having fun?” I shouted over the music, raising my eyebrows at the three people in front of me. The girl struggled to pull her hand away, but I squeezed it harder.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” The other one, who I wasn’t holding, took a demanding stance and laughter bubbled up from my lungs.

“Your hands on my boyfriend!” I stared the woman down with a death stare and when her lips pulled into a smirk, I thought I’d break the wrist of the woman I was holding. She yelped loudly and I released her arm, realizing I was hurting her, and she instantly stepped away from Mingyu.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know—”

“Who the fuck cares, Dahyun!” The other one still clinging to Mingyu provoked, “He never said he has a girlfriend!”

I was sure even my face got red and when I stepped forward, right hand curled into a fist, Mingyu stepped away from the woman and glared at her.

“Fuck off, both of you.” He snapped aggressively and both women scrambled away, not without the black haired one shooting daggers at me. I felt like I was breathing out fire as I watched them until they got sucked into the crowd, I didn’t even feel Mingyu approaching me. My eyes snapped at him when I felt firm hands gripping my hips tightly, trying to gain my attention.

“Calm down, sugar,” Mingyu’s voice remained soothing as he shouted over the music, “I wouldn’t have let them do anything! It would’ve been suspicious if I stayed in the booth all night watching you—”

“You let them touch you!” I snapped, still angrier than I normally would be, of course, due to the alcohol in my system, “I will break their fingers and yours too!”

Mingyu had the audacity to laugh in my face and squeeze my hips, pulling me closer to his body, his honey-like cologne invading my nostrils. My skin tingled and my heartbeat quickened, I wanted to touch him and feel him against me, kiss him. So, I leaned closer to him, lips almost on his, when he pulled away.

“Not here.” His voice was low but I heard it crystal clear, his eyes darkened as he watched my eyebrows furrow as I placed my hands on top of his.

“I can’t do this anymore!” I whined and desperately clung to his hands, “I want to feel you!”

Mingyu’s jaw clenched and he turned one of his hands, letting go of my hip, to intertwine our fingers, “Soon, okay?! We’ll make it look normal, pretend to go the restroom or something—but be patient!”

I sighed and nodded my head, eyes on his lips as I watched him talk, imagining the softness and the smokey taste they always carried around. Before I could answer him back verbally too, someone else grabbed my shoulder and I was ready to create a scene thinking it was Seungcheol, but when I looked to my right, it was actually Junhui. He had a smirk on his face and I watched him confused as he pushed me a bit forward.

“Come on, let’s go dance with Seungcheol!” He shouted over the music, not even sparing a glance at Mingyu, clearly uninterested in with whom I was. Mingyu’s grip turned dangerously tight and I hissed, squirming out of his grip due to the pain. I didn’t want to go with Jun, I wanted to stay with Mingyu, but I knew Jun would snitch to Seungcheol if I stayed here, so I shot my boyfriend an apologetic smile and let Jun lead me away and towards Seungcheol, Vernon, Irene, Jeonghan, and Seungkwan. Everyone was pretty tipsy, besides Irene and Jeonghan who were really drunk. They greeted us with grins when Jun and I stopped next to them and I waved at Seungcheol, who didn’t seem very happy that I arrived with Junhui. I was about to stand next to Seungcheol as Jun was still holding me and I wasn’t very comfortable with it, when I felt his hands shift to my waist and move me from behind. My brain went blank when I realized he was trying to dance with me and I didn’t know how to react, so I let him lead my hips to his own rhythm. I was feeling uncomfortable but I played it off, trying to put even a tiny little bit of distance between our bodies, but Jun held me tightly against him. I made eye contact with Seungcheol and he was glaring hard at Junhui as he started moving towards us, clearly seeing how uncomfortable I was feeling. I shuddered when Jun rested his chin on my exposed shoulder, his breath hitting my skin, and I decided that it was time I helped myself get away. I gripped his hands and tried to pry them off, shooting Seungcheol a look when he was about to raise his fist, as if to punch Jun.

“Hey! Let go—” He started shouting, but suddenly, Junhui’s body was gone and I turned around stunned. Seungcheol watched amazed as Mingyu held Jun back by the collar of his white shirt, with a gaze that could make you drop dead on the spot. He raised his forefinger at Jun as he started saying something to him, mouth moving fast. Seungcheol placed a hand on my shoulder and I offered him a small smile, watching Mingyu, scared he’d punch Jun or something and cause a scene that would attract more eyes than the ones already on us. Jun’s jaw was clenched as he glared back at Mingyu, but he just nodded twice when Mingyu finished speaking and stepped away from him, turning his back and walking off. Mingyu remained still for a few seconds before he turned around, eyes locked with mine, and then the next second I was pulled into his big body. Seungcheol’s arm disappeared from my shoulder and I didn’t feel it try to pull me away, as Mingyu’s hands held me against him tightly. I sighed and circled my arms around his neck, clinging onto him like I wanted to all night. The heels made me even taller than I usually was and I could feel his hot breath hitting my ear, making the hairs stand on my arms. One of his hands gripped my nape as the other rested on my ass, I didn’t even care who saw us and what they thought, I just wanted to be close to my boyfriend. Mingyu started swaying us to the rhythm and an excited grin appeared on my lips as we were finally doing what I wished for us to do all night. I could have been imagining it, but I thought I could feel the rapid beat of his heart as I pressed a kiss just below his ear, giggling at the way his hands squeezed me in warning, asking me to stop. I knew I had to stop, otherwise, we’d really blow our cover. If I was struggling this much at trying to ignore him all night, I couldn’t imagine what Mingyu was feeling having to see me dressed so revealing without being able to feel me. I pushed all worries to the back of my mind, all the explanations I’d have to come up with to the ones that saw what happened, and enjoyed the present moment of doing what I wanted all night. Moving with Mingyu, against him, and running my hands all over his body with the occasional swift kisses pressed against his skin, my night was complete.

           Seungcheol was finally free after the party and we could sit down to study together. He had a lot of catching up to do, so we didn’t talk much, only asked each other if we needed help understanding something. I was secretly really happy that Seungcheol was too busy studying to even think about anything else, because I knew he wasn’t drunk enough last time to have trouble remembering events from the club. I knew it was eating him alive that he let Mingyu dance with me, as if that was some horrible thing, and I realized it this morning when Cheol showed up at my door with a big ass homecooked breakfast. He wasn’t someone who enjoyed staying in the kitchen, probably why he would always eat my leftover food, but when something really bothered him it was his way of unwinding. A weird habit, but it helped him clear his mind for a bit. And so now I was just waiting for him to bring it up, even though I really didn’t want to talk about it, but it was inevitable. We had placed two mugs of coffee on my coffee table in the living room and while I rested on the sofa with a notebook in my lap, Seungcheol was strolling around in my living room as he mumbled to himself whatever was written in his notebook. The atmosphere was chill and pleasant, like it usually was when we were studying, until, of course, Seungcheol opened his mouth and stressed me out with one single question.

“Why were you clinging to Mingyu last night?” I thought if I didn’t react to the question, he’d assume I didn’t hear it and would drop it, but when I felt my best friend’s burning gaze on me, I realized he wouldn’t let this topic slide at all. Seungcheol was angry and confused and wanted answers.

“Uhm,” I shrugged, glancing up at him with my heart thumping quickly, “I guess the alcohol messed with me. I get clingy, I think…you know that though.”

Seungcheol gave me a look and I looked away, attempting to continue studying, “You are not clingy, ever.”

“Why does it matter though?” I snapped, glancing at Seungcheol. He seemed outraged by my question as he threw me a glare.

“Why does it matter?” He scoffed and I stared at him with my lips in a straight line, “Because it’s Kim Mingyu! He will fuck your whole life up, Y/N, if you get involved with him. Please, listen to me, I’ve known him for a long time, okay? He’s not the person who he pretends to be, he just wants to—”

Seungcheol cut himself off and I raised my eyebrows, feeling a bit attacked, “Wants to fuck me? Then dump me and never speak to me again? Maybe taunt me a little bit, play with me for a short time then break my heart because he’s an awful person?”

Seungcheol gulped and nodded his head once, looking back down at his notebook, “Well…I know.”

The words didn’t feel right and I didn’t believe what I said. Maybe at the beginning, when I met him, I believed that, but not anymore. Not ever since we’ve spent so much time together and he let me see his vulnerable side. He didn’t share very much, but I figured he was being cautious, and he just probably wasn’t ready yet to lay his whole life out for me.

“If you know, stop associating yourself with him!” Seungcheol snapped and looked at me frustrated, “Every single time when he comes to you with a suicidal proposal, you accept it! It’s like you can’t wait until he shows up with something crazy! Do you understand what we do is dangerous? That you keep getting involved in things you shouldn’t? We can’t protect you always, I won’t be with you always.”

I grew annoyed at Seungcheol’s words and I placed my notebook aside, crossing my arms in front of my chest, “You do realize this applies to you as well? For five years, Seungcheol, I had no idea you were a gang leader’s or whatever’s second-in-hand. You were the first one to expose me, idiot, and now you keep blaming everything on Mingyu! Why is it always about him? Why is it never about you? Why will you not admit it, Cheol?”

My best friend gulped and he looked down, a guilty look crossing his features before he looked back at me, “Because you are my sister. I come form a shitty family, you know, I struggled my whole life with money because my parents couldn’t deal with them. I still have to help them, if it wasn’t for me, they’d be living on the streets right now. And SVT—I had to do many dirty things to become Mingyu’s second-in-hand, things that would horrify you—I’m—a horrible person and you make me feel a little less horrible. Like I have a normal life, like I’m just a simple university student, like I’m just Choi Seungcheol.”

I bit my lower lip, anger dissipating a little bit, as Seungcheol looked back at me teary eyed, “I know I’m selfish, okay? And I know I can be a lot to deal with sometimes but I just—really love you, okay? And I’m really scared of losing you, that’s why I hate you being involved with SVT and not just me. While it was just me, it wasn’t that dangerous, but now everyone—”

He sighed and my eyebrows furrowed, I watched Seungcheol expectantly and he just shook his head, “Now everyone knows you are Mingyu’s and that if they touch you, they are dead. But that also implies if they touch you, Mingyu is destroyed. And Mingyu has pissed of many people who’d like to get back at him and now—he offered them a perfect bait.”

I gulped as Seungcheol approached me, “I know Cheol, I was kidnapped within the first week of meeting him. And I think about it more often than you’d think…how easily I could disappear one day and end up dead without being able to say goodbye to…the people I love. But I chose to trust you, SVT, and Mingyu. Have a little faith in him, will you?”

Seungcheol grimaced as he plopped down next to me, cuddling up into my side, “When you kissed him at the auction, I thought I’d shoot his brains out.”

“You what?” I exclaimed, glaring down at my best friend. Just the thought of Mingyu getting harmed could send me into a panicked frenzy and when it was coming from Cheol, it made me even more upset. I would never forgive him if he harmed Mingyu.

“He planned it all, Y/N, did you never think of that?” Seungcheol’s eyes connected with mine and I looked at him confused, “He’s an amazing manipulator, Y/N. Whatever he said that made you kiss him, he planned it, he wanted that to happen. The people who were there wanted to ambush Mingyu that night and kill him, but he brought you along and changed their plans. Not because they care if an innocent life dies, no, because Mingyu changed routes. They didn’t know where the two of you would go after the auction and they couldn’t proceed with their plan. It was all a lead on, that’s why I was so damn angry and wanted you to stay out of it. Because I was scared, I’d lose you.”

I frowned as I in-took the information Seungcheol just gave me; he looked at me worried, as if he knew how this affected me. So…the auction was not only a set up to kill Mingyu, but it was also a set up to fool those people and also put my life at risk? It didn’t sit well with me and perhaps my blind trust in Mingyu faltered a little bit. How do I know what we have now is genuine?

“Who’s Hirai Momo?” I blurted out, remembering the tension between the old man and Mingyu. How smug he acted there, how tauntingly he said her name, how he owned the place. Seungcheol sat up straight, eyes wide.

“What?”

If Mingyu was so horrible, he must have done something to them, I wanted to know what. Did he use the family, maybe Momo, like he used me for the auction? Was he using me now too? Would I suffer a similar fate to the Hirai family?

“Vernon—” I gulped as I maintained eye-contact with Cheol, hating that I was lying to him again, “I heard him mention that name and he looked…really sad…”

Seungcheol gulped and he looked away, scratching the back of his neck, “The Hirai family got involved with Mingyu at the worst time and they thought they could play him, so now Mingyu owns them for life. It’s a dirty world we live in, Y/N. Once you mess with a leader like Mingyu, you’re at his mercy.”

I hummed and played with my fingers as Cheol glanced at me, looking uncomfortable, “But who’s Momo?”

“A woman.”

“What happened to her?”

Seungcheol refused to look at me as he rose from the sofa and took his mug, taking a sip from it, “Just a poor girl who—got involved with the wrong person—”

“Stop saying that!” I snapped, anger returning, “I’m fed up with hearing the same excuse over and over again! Just tell me!”

“She’s Mingyu’s ex, okay?” Seungcheol snapped, his anger seeming to match mine, “She fell in love with him and Mingyu played her, no, destroyed her for life. He exploited her and bent her to his wishes however he wanted. Momo can’t see Mingyu anymore, unless she wants to have another maniac episode. He traumatized her and now she’s suffering on her own, her parents struggle to keep her together every day. We don’t talk about her, so you should never bring her up again.”  

I gulped as I watched Seungcheol, not exactly knowing how to take in the information. Mingyu did something so bad to Momo that she’s now suffering? He literally drove her crazy? I bit my lower lip and looked away from my best friend, afraid he’d already seen the tears in my eyes. I had the audacity to waltz inside the poor family’s house and flaunt around with Mingyu. With Mingyu, who knew if Momo saw him, she’d get worse, no, he enjoyed the thought of her seeing him…and me there with him. Who was the person I was dating? Did I even know anything about him? Was I destined to have the same fate? Maybe worse? Would he drive me crazy or kill me when he was done with me? I was on the verge of breaking down and just telling Seungcheol that I was dating Mingyu, when loud knocking interrupted the silence of my apartment. I jumped to my feet, hands shaking from the shock of what I learned, and Seungcheol extended an arm.

“Stay here.” He muttered lowly as he cautiously headed for the front door. I saw him peeking out the window before he neared the door, undoing the locks one by one. Seungcheol’s shoulders were tense as he gripped the handle and swung the door open, unleashing hell.

“Move, fuck, move!” Someone shouted and I jumped, heart thumping wildly.

“Where’s the fucking kitchen—”

“To the left, what the fuck happened!” Seungcheol’s voice boomed over the voices in my apartment and I was in the hallway, eyes widening at the sight. I gasped as I watched Mingyu half conscious, groaning at every step Wonwoo and Hoshi took. Chan looked frantic and when my eyes fell on Mingyu’s bloodied white shirt, I had to lean against the wall.

“What happened?” I asked faintly, not even noticing Cheol approach me.

“Go sit in the living room—”

“No, what the fuck happened!” I shouted, following after Wonwoo and Hoshi into my kitchen. Chan threw everything off my table, I didn’t care when a plate shattered, and Mingyu was laid on top of it.

“I need gauze, a knife, needle and thread, alcohol!” Seungcheol rushed past me, knocking into me, as I stood in the doorway with my eyes fixated on Mingyu’s pain covered face.

“A deal went wrong—” Wonwoo huffed out, tearing Mingyu’s shirt open as Chan rushed to wash his hands in the sink, Hoshi held Mingyu’s torso down, “Shootout happened, he got injured—”

Mingyu moaned loudly in pain and I watched helpless, that one time he returned injured after a week of missing and I had to dress him returning to my mind.

“Hurry the fuck up, S. Coups!” Chan shouted and I bit my lower lip, heart beating fast when Wonwoo slowly lifted the bloody material off Mingyu’s skin. Mingyu groaned again as he pressed his head into the table, eyes opening and falling on me.

“Sugar…” He panted, voice weak and raspy. I didn’t know how to react, my hands shook more, when Wonwoo beaconed me over.

“Is he—will he—die?”

“Not if it depends on me.” Chan said determinedly as Seungcheol rushed into the kitchen, everything Chan asked for in his arms. I shakily approached them and bit my lower lip when Mingyu grimaced again, squirming around more.

“Stop moving if you want the bullet out of your body!” Hoshi snapped and my eyes fell on the wound for the first time. I could see the bullet actually, it wasn’t in very deep, and it made me sick; his lower abdomen was all bloody and sweat covered his body.

“I told you to wear a fucking vest!” Wonwoo cursed, his deep voice raising at Mingyu and Seungcheol disinfected the knife and needle with the alcohol.

“Sugar…” Mingyu’s eyes searched for mine and I looked at him, not knowing what to do, “Now would be a good time to get a kiss…”

I huffed out a chuckle, shaking my head at him, as Chan took the knife in his hand, “Hold him down.”

Seungcheol grabbed Mingyu’s thighs, Hoshi held onto his torso and Wonwoo stood beside me, hands pressing down his shoulders.

“You can hold him too; he needs a little comfort.” Wonwoo muttered to me when Chan approached Mingyu.

“Stay still.” Chan instructed and I watched as he lowered the knife closer and closer to Mingyu’s ribs, poking the skin just underneath the bullet wound. Mingyu groaned loudly, sucking his belly in and I fell to my knees, taking his head in my hands.

“Look at me,” I said shakily and Mingyu’s jaw clenched as a groan left his lips, “You’ll be fine.”

His body was twitching and my eyebrows furrowed when I glanced at Chan, knife in the wound, pushing the bullet out. The sight made me sick and I looked back at Mingyu as he cried out.

“It’s almost out, Mingyu…” I whispered and he groaned, turning his head into my hold, closing his eyes tightly shut. Chan worked to wipe the wound with alcohol too and Mingyu cried out for the second time, his voice raw. My heart clenched at the sound and I knew he could feel the tremor of my hands when his eyes snapped open, the needle with the threat entering his skin to stitch him up.

“I’m fine.” He growled out, jaw clenched, the veins in his neck showing, as he pressed his head into my touch.

“Yes, you are.” I snapped, biting my lower lip when he attempted to chuckle, “Because…if you die…I don’t know what I’ll do.”

I needed so many answers, he couldn’t leave me. We’ve been together for way too little time; I couldn’t lose him now.

“A bullet can’t—” He hissed and I glanced at Chan to see him having finished stitching Mingyu up, “take me down, fuck.”

His body seemed to go slack, his muscles loosened when Chan stepped back, and the boys let go of him. I couldn’t, not when he was laying on my kitchen table injured and in pain. He nuzzled his cheek into my touch and closed his eyes as Chan cleaned up the skin around the wound as best as he could, pressing some gauze against the stitches.

“Who did this?” Seungcheol’s voice was deadly, low and menacing, and my head whipped in his direction to see him staring at Mingyu’s wound. Soonyoung shared a look with Wonwoo and he left Mingyu’s side, taking Seungcheol out of the kitchen with himself.

“Seungcheol told us it was a bad idea—” Wonwoo seemed angry as his palms turned into fists.

“And you said we should proceed still—” Mingyu spat, eyes blazing with fire as he opened them, glaring at his best friend. Chan remained quiet as he cleaned up and I continued to hold Mingyu’s head, stroking his hot cheek. And then I remembered the conversation I overheard Vernon and Seungcheol having, and I opened my mouth, not letting Wonwoo say anything.

“Since when do you take orders from Wonwoo?” I snapped, raising my eyebrows. The three men looked at me stunned, my voice was hard and the panic and anger slipped through, “Seungcheol is your fucking second-in-hand, not Wonwoo. Remember who you are, Kim Mingyu, and start acting like it.”

When I said those words, I didn’t know the weight they carried. I failed to notice the look Chan and Wonwoo shared next to me, the way they straightened up and looked down. Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed, probably confused how I knew that, but I knew he got the message when his expression hardened. He raised his head and I lowered mine, pressing a kiss against his lips before Seungcheol returned. The questions remained, all the insecurities worsened, but when I looked at Mingyu, laying on my table in the kitchen injured, I knew those could wait. I knew I would forgive him, because I cared about him so much. So much, I felt like my own life flashed in front of my eyes when I saw him in pain and all bloody. I realized, no matter what this man did to me, I would always return because I cared about him. Because I wanted to be with him, because I felt something for him, I’ve never felt before. And maybe…I was the next Momo, but I couldn’t bring myself to walk away. And if I didn’t do it now, I wouldn’t do it later.

           The boys stayed for two hours, letting Mingyu get a little rest while they planned how to get back at the gang that injured their leader. I cooked some food and fed the men, staying by Mingyu’s side, even though he asked to be alone. I couldn’t bring myself to do that, not when his face was scrunched up in his sleep, and he winced at the tiniest movement. Chan gave him some powerful painkillers but the effects kicked in later than they were expecting it. Seungcheol was too busy and tired to pay any attention to me as they were huddled around in my kitchen at the table, which we cleaned up already, discussing about something I wasn’t supposed to hear about. I took that as my chance to sneak into my bedroom, where Mingyu was resting, and study some more while supervising him and making sure he was alright. Mingyu had a fever, but Chan said it was a normal reaction. Apparently, Chan went to med school and he was SVT’s medic, in case something like this happened. He reassured me that Mingyu would be fine and in no more than just a week, he’d stop feeling any discomfort caused by the bullet wound. I trusted him and thanked him for doing his best as I closed the bedroom door softly, turning around to see Mingyu’s eyes half opened. He looked tired and in pain, my heart clenched. This was such a bad timing, I wanted to reassure him, but Seungcheol’s words hung around my head and I didn’t know how to act anymore. But when he extended his hand towards mine with a whine, I caved in, and walked up to the bed to hold onto him. He mumbled something that I couldn’t understand as he held onto my hand fiercely, his eyes finally closing as he dozed off with a long sigh. Tears gathered in my eyes once again as I looked down at him, confusion, fear, and affection mushing together all because of one man. I felt so lost sitting there, left alone with my thoughts, but my finals were tomorrow and I needed to study still. So, I grabbed my notebook and sat on the floor, holding onto Mingyu’s hand, as I distracted my thoughts by memorizing everything I could.

After Mingyu woke up and ate a bit, Wonwoo, Soonyoung and Chan took him away and thanked me for housing them for the time being. Apparently, my apartment was the closest and they knew Seungcheol was over, so they knew they had to come here. I was a bit reluctant when Mingyu whispered that he’d text me as soon as he got home, not wanting him to go just yet, but I nodded at him and kissed his cheek when no one was watching. That night, I hardly slept anything, and I ended up going over to Seungcheol’s, cuddling up next to him in his small bed. It helped a bit, but I wasn’t feeling very energized in the morning when Seungcheol drove us to Uni, let alone ready to take those finals. But I sucked it up, and did my best to get a passing grade. Before leaving, I messaged Mingyu to see if he was feeling alright and I got a swift text back, but I didn’t think much of it, he wasn’t very talkative in the mornings. I continued to send a few messages, like I usually would, while Seungcheol and I were going to Uni but I got no answer back, so I assumed Mingyu was just resting. After my finals, I messaged him once again with a few texts, checking up on him and letting him know that I was done with Uni and I would head to the bookstore, but I got no answer back. It made me a bit sulky, but I tried not to think much of it, he probably was just resting, like he should. However, it still worried me a bit since he stopped answering me since the morning. Seungcheol had to stay for longer at Uni today, so Vernon was the one picking me up, he called and told me was around and free if I needed a ride or wanted to have lunch. I told him that I couldn’t go to lunch today as I was working, so he offered to drive me to the bookstore.

It was warm inside the car and I sighed with a smile as I closed the door, smiling back at Vernon. He leaned over the middle console and we hugged each other before I put on my seatbelt, my backpack resting between my legs.

“How were your finals?” He asked as he drove out of the parking lot.

“Hard, but at least it’s finally over.” I muttered with a sigh, melting into the seat. I could finally do whatever I wanted and wouldn’t be stressed anymore.

“I heard finals are a pain in the ass.” I scoffed at Vernon’s words as he turned onto the main street.

“I was living on coffee and all I did for two weeks was an attempt to study non-stop…” Vernon hummed, turning up the radio when his favorite song came on. I chuckled and bobbed my head to it, unlocking my phone to check if Mingyu answered back. There was nothing though and I sighed as I continued enjoying the music, laughing when Vernon rapped along. He changed lanes swiftly and sped up a bit, crossing the light when it turned yellow.

“What’s bothering you?” Vernon spoke over the music, giving me a quick glance, “You keep frowning.”

I quickly evened my expression out and shook my head, “Nothing.”

“Ay, come on…” Vernon gave me another glance, “You won’t tell you friend what’s bothering you? Do you not trust me?”

“I trust you!” I snapped and Vernon chuckled, coming to a stop at the red light, “It’s just…”

“Just say it, it’s no big deal, really.” He offered me a small smile and tapped my knee reassuringly.

I pursed my lips and nodded, turning my head away from him as my cheeks warmed, “Do you know anything about Mingyu…”

Vernon remained silent as he turned the volume of the music down, “Like…am I supposed to know anything specific about him?”

I scoffed and gave him a look, “He was shot and I’m just curious if he’s fine.”

“Ah!” Vernon exclaimed, driving through the intersection once the lights turned green, “Yeah, we had a meeting this morning, he was fine. I mean…I’m sure he’s still in pain, but he had more energy than I was expecting him to have.”

“Really?” I muttered and sighed, looking out the window, “Is he resting enough?”

“It’s Mingyu,” Vernon scoffed and I glanced at him, “He never rests, especially when we are in the middle of negotiating with the police! I know he was with Sana today before and after our meeting—”

My head whipped in Vernon’s direction as his eyes went wide, “What?”

“Uh,” Vernon gulped and chuckled awkwardly, stopping at a cross, “No—nothing?”

“Mingyu was with who?” I pressed again, shooting daggers at Vernon’s profile as he started driving again.

“Sana.” He whispered guiltily and I huffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“That fucking asshole,” I snapped, voice growing loud, “I worry about him non-stop, wondering if he’s doing alright, but he’s out with Sana? Doing business, I assume? I’m so fucking fed up with him! Why did I even think dating him was a good idea—”

It was my turn for my eyes to go wide, and voice grow silent. Vernon didn’t say anything, a bit surprised by my sudden outburst. I cleared my throat and sneaked a glance at him, he was grinning to himself.

“What.” I muttered, glaring down at my own legs.

“Are you jealous?” His voice filled with amusement almost made me lose it again.

“I’m not!” I exclaimed, looking at him with narrowed eyes, “What makes you think that?”

“Well…” Vernon chuckled as he pulled in front of the bookstore, “I don’t know if it makes you feel better, but Mingyu is really jealous too. I mean…he told me right after the auction to leave you alone because you’ve been dating secretly for a while now.”

“That’s not even true!” I exclaimed as my eyes went wide; Vernon just shrugged, “We’ve only been dating for four weeks now…there was nothing going on between us before the auction!”

I undid my seatbelt as Vernon watched me with a pout, “I don’t want to get involved with your relationship, but…just be careful, okay?”

“Why?” I raised my eyebrows, opening the door, “Because I’ll end up like Momo?”

Vernon’s jaw went slack as his eyes ran over my face, shocked that I knew of her, “What?”

“Yeah,” I snapped sourly, “Mingyu had the audacity to take me to their house. He’s incapable of answering my texts because he’s currently with Sana. Maybe he’s already begun his process of breaking me, huh?”

“That’s not—” I scoffed and Vernon looked away from me for a second, “That’s not what’s happening, if Mingyu wanted to play around with you, he would have had his fun with you already.”

I hummed and exited the car, “Yeah…I don’t know what to believe anymore, Vernon. I know the whole auction was planned, Cheol told me.”

Vernon’s face turned pale and guilt overtook his features as I turned to look at him, “I’m not mad at you, don’t worry. I’ll talk to you later and—please, don’t tell anyone about Mingyu and I, especially Seungcheol.”

“I won’t, take care of yourself.” I hummed and closed the car’s door, watching as Vernon drove away. I sighed and looked up at the sky, questioning all the decisions I have taken lately. What was I doing? Was this the right path? Could I turn around? I couldn’t though, it was too late already. Maybe this was supposed to happen to teach me a lesson. With a sigh I turned to walk up to the bookstore, but my phone got a message notification. I took it in my hand and pulled down the notification bar to see a text from Mingyu. Then another and five more in just five seconds. I scoffed and put it back in my pocket as I headed for the bookstore, eyebrows furrowed and blood boiling. He has the audacity to say he was resting meanwhile he was with Sana. If he thinks he can fool me and make me bend to his wishes, he is fucking wrong.

           I was doing the shops inventory as I hummed along to the music. Irene had to leave to pick up a package that her mother sent for her from the train station, so I was currently alone at the bookstore. I didn’t mind spending my time alone here, today was a less busy day. I was checking the list of newly arrived books when the door opened, making my eyebrows furrow.

“I’m sorry, we are doing inventory right now—” When I raised my head and looked at the person standing in the doorway, my blood boiled. Mingyu wore a long brown coat that reached his ankles, and he held a bag in his hands.

“Hi, sugar.” He said with a smirk as he walked further inside, my jaw clenched. I didn’t want to see him.

“We are closed.” I snapped as I went back to checking the list, ignoring Mingyu’s intense gaze.

“You weren’t answering my texts,” He said quietly and I rolled my eyes, “I brought lunch.”

“I’m not hungry.” I muttered as Mingyu stopped on the opposite side of the counter, placing the bag on top of it.

“You didn’t have lunch today.” Mingyu pressed and I sighed, finally looking at him. He looked fine, besides the slight wincing when he moved.

“My appetite has been gone for days…” I told Mingyu and he raised his eyebrows, glancing down at the inventory list.

“I saw your finals went good?” I nodded my head, looking away when he searched my eyes, “We can finally spend more time together. I was thinking we could go on a trip—”

“I’m working still.” I shut him up quickly, grabbing the bag, and placed it behind the counter, “I haven’t seen my parents in a long time, I want to visit them soon.”

“We can go together.” Mingyu offered with a grin and I hummed, not very keen of the idea.

“Yeah…I’d rather not present you to them…” I muttered as I turned around to grab the box of newly arrived books. Mingyu scoffed and I threw him a glance, he was glaring at me.

“Why not?”

I scoffed this time as I slammed the box on top of the counter, “Because we’ve barely been dating for four weeks? Why would I take you home when the relationship is so unstable?”

Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched, “What the hell are you saying?”

“You heard me.” I snapped as I opened the box with more force than necessary, glaring at Mingyu when he grabbed my wrist to get my attention. He hissed quietly at the sudden movement, pain painting his face for a second.

“What is your problem lately?” He snapped and I offered him an unamused smile.

“You are my problem,” I yanked my wrist out of his hold and for a second I felt bad as Mingyu winced, “I’m working, so please leave. The bookstore is closed for inventory.”

Mingyu scoffed and shook his head at me with a sneer, throwing me a glare before he turned around and stormed out of the bookstore. I sighed and leaned against the counter, closing my eyes. Is this the relationship I want? Constant fighting? Pent up frustration? No communication about my feelings? Since when did I become so closed off and unhealthy? Why do I feel for the first time like I’m inferior to a person?

           Irene and I got to stay later than the we usually would at the bookstore as our boss came around to give us our salary. He offered to give us a ride home as it was dark outside already, but Irene had to be somewhere, and I didn’t want to bother him. He lived on the other side of the city so I reassured my boss that I would be taking a cab home, so that he would let me leave. After he closed up, we bid our goodbyes to each other, and all three of us went our separate ways. I held onto my backpack as I walked down the street, inhaling the chilly air of the evening. It was refreshing and it didn’t bother me as I needed something to clear and ease up my mind. Finals were over, yet I was still stressed because of Mingyu. I didn’t know how to bring up everything that was bothering me and it was stressing me out more. As I sighed, shuffling behind me caught my attention and I peaked over my shoulder subtly to see a tall figure approaching me fast. My first instinct was to start running, until I realized it was Mingyu’s brown coat that was flapping around. I groaned and stopped walking, turning around to face him.

“Why are you following me?” I snapped once he approached me, his eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s late, why are you walking home?” He asked, grabbing my backpack. I glanced down but didn’t let go of it.

“Because my shift is over, am I not supposed to go home?” Mingyu sighed and tugged on the backpack but I still held onto it, “I’m not giving it to you.”

“Would you have walked home if I didn’t show up to drive you?” I looked up at Mingyu with a grimace as he gave the backpack a harsh yank, almost pulling it out of my grip.

“I don’t want you to drive me home.” Mingyu just rolled his eyes before he stepped closer, forehead’s almost touching. I looked into his eyes instinctively, taken aback by his sudden closeness. His honey-like scent invaded my nostrils and I hated how it made me miss his touch. I didn’t even feel it when Mingyu untangled my fingers from the backpack, lost in his eyes, and he was already stepping away.

“Get in the car.” His voice was commanding as he left me standing on the sidewalk, his Mercedes a few feet away, parked where it wasn’t even allowed to. I closed my eyes and sighed, knowing I couldn’t just walk home now, so I went and sat in his car. My backpack was thrown in the back and the radio was turned off as I did my seatbelt, feeling Mingyu watching me. I didn’t look at him, I just turned my head to look outside the window and he started driving wordlessly. He wasn’t speeding like he usually would, he was driving at a slow tempo and it was pissing me off. He was doing it on purpose, prolonging our time together.

“I’m tired, I want to get home tonight, if that’s possible.” I snapped finally, biting the insides of my cheeks when Mingyu scoffed.

“Of course, you’re tired, sugar. Any excuse that gets you away from me is welcome.” I rolled my eyes but remained silent as Mingyu sped up just a little bit, changing lanes recklessly. I reached out to turn on the radio, but Mingyu’s strong grip made me stop and hiss.

“What are you doing.” I snapped and looked at him with a glare as I tried to free my wrist.

“Start talking, right now.” His jaw was clenched, stance stiff, eyebrows furrowed and lips in a tight line. I gulped and tried to tug my wrist away again, but Mingyu just held it stronger and I whined, pain surging up my arm.

“It hurts.” I muttered, but he didn’t react.

“Yeah, I’m hurting too, but you don’t see me whining like a fucking baby.” He snapped and I looked at him hurt, why was he making everything worse?

“Can you take my feelings into consideration for just one second?” I asked, eyebrows raising as Mingyu scoffed.

“You’re asking me to do that? What about you?”

“Why do you always turn everything I say around and blame me?” I exclaimed and a humorless chuckle left Mingyu’s lips.

“Because you always paint me as the bad guy!” He snapped back and I laughed, tugging my wrist finally away.

“Aren’t you the bad guy though?” I asked with a taunting chuckle, turning my body towards him as my eyes narrowed at Mingyu, “Everyone is telling me to stay away from you. Maybe they are right, maybe I’m starting to see what they’ve been warning me of. Maybe…it’s not late for me to walk away. Save myself from becoming another Momo.”

I gasped when Mingyu hit the brakes suddenly, sending us forward in the car. Loud honking came from around us and a few tire screeching sounds, but thankfully nothing worse happened. Mingyu’s eyes have darkened as he looked at me and I gulped, almost afraid. My heart was thumping wildly when he pulled over onto the side walk, the engine still running as he turned his whole body to look at me.

“What did you say?” Mingyu’s voice was low and a shiver ran over my skin. I almost looked away when his gaze found mine, but no, this was the timing I needed. Horrible, indeed, but if I didn’t tell him now, I wouldn’t later.

“I know everything about you and Momo, don’t even try to deny it. You played her, made her crazy—and you took me to their house? Knowing how she’d react seeing you there?!” My voice broke, emotions of shame and anger mixing, “You made me walk in there, waltz around—I’m fucking sick just thinking about it! And—and Sana! The way you treated me when she showed up? Do you think I’m a piece of shit you can push around, Mingyu? You call me your girlfriend but you let her be all over you? Kiss her on the corner of her mouth? In front of me? What game are you playing, huh?”

“I’m not playing any games, Y/N,” Mingyu growled out and I flinched when he swiftly grabbed my nape, pulling me closer, “Everything is in your head—”

“Oh, Momo being crazy is in my head?! You eye-fucking with Sana is just in my head?! You constantly pushing my needs away to satisfy yours are in my head?! Putting my life at risk by bringing me to the auction because you knew they planned to ambush you, is all in my head, right?!” I screamed at Mingyu, breathing hard and eyes filling with tears of anger, frustration, and hurt. He gaped at me, taken aback by my outburst, grip loosening on my nape.

“I—” He cleared his throat when his voice sounded weak, “I knew what I was doing—you—you would have never been hurt even if they proceeded with the ambush.”

I chuckled tiredly as tears escaped my eyes, my chest felt lighter and maybe the tears were of relief as I shook my head, “How can you know that?”

“I planned it.” Mingyu’s jaw clenched as he searched for my eyes.

“Like those two raids that got fucked because of you?” I whispered, biting my lower lip as I attempted to brush my tears off my cheeks. Mingyu’s face fell and he winced as he leaned closer, pulling me into a tight hug. He sighed and held me tighter when I didn’t return the hug, I didn’t have the energy, I was still crying silently.

“I would never put your life in danger if I didn’t know what I was doing.” Mingyu’s voice was filled with raw emotion and it made my heart clench, “I’m so sorry I made you feel like this…”

I hummed and weakly returned the hug, careful not to squeeze Mingyu as his wound was still fresh, “I’m so upset that you hid so many things from me. Why can’t you just tell me the truth? How can I trust you, Mingyu?”

“I promise to tell you everything from now on.” He reassured softly, running his hands down my back.

“You can’t even answer my texts, but you hang out with Sana instead of resting?” I scoffed and bit my lower lip, the tears have finally stopped falling, “How do you think it made me feel? I have never acted the way you do, around Vernon or Seungcheol, have I? I even told you they are like my brothers to remind you there was nothing going on between us. But you…I don’t know anymore. What if you’re sleeping with her behind my back? Why would you even be with me if Sana was there—”

“Stop.” Mingyu’s voice raised as he pulled back abruptly, holding my cheeks firmly, “Please stop saying so much non-sense, do you even hear yourself, sugar? I care for you so much; you can’t even imagine what it feels like. You are the only thing that fills up my mind. You’re constantly on my mind, so much, sometimes it drives me crazy. I would never—I will never do what I did to Momo to you, and I will never cheat on you or hurt you. Please, stop thinking it will happen. Just—trust me? Please, I will explain everything when this mess is over. Sana is just a person I’m doing business with and it’s a very important matter for SVT. I’m risking everything with this, please, don’t leave me when I need you most.”

I bit my lower lip again, refusing to tear up again, “I trust you. I’m just…so insecure. I want to trust you more but it’s hard when you switch from being like this into a person I don’t recognize.”

“I can’t show this side of me, the real me, to others, sugar. You have to learn to accept both, work with both. It’s still me at the end of the day, yeah?” Mingyu raised his eyebrows and I nodded wordlessly, finally letting myself melt into his touch. I missed him so much. I didn’t want us to get here. I should have voiced my fears a long time ago.

“I’m sorry, I—I’ll try to speak up about how I feel before it blows up. I just really suck at talking about my feelings.” I looked away and Mingyu smiled softly, leaning close to nuzzle his nose against mine.

“Yeah, you definitely need to stop doing that. I missed you a lot.” He muttered and I returned the smile, placing my hands on top of his.

“I missed you too,” I pressed my lips against his, warmness flooding my body at the sense of familiarity, “Stop leaning over the console, you’re hurting the wound.”

“It does hurt like a bitch.” Mingyu groaned as he pulled back, sitting back normally in his seat.

“You have to rest, okay?” I raised my eyebrows at him and he nodded with a grin, offering me his hand. I intertwined our fingers with a grimace, irritated by the smug look on his face.

“Stay with me tonight?” Mingyu asked and I looked at him wondering. Could I sleep over at his? No, Seungcheol would notice my absence and that would be bad. Maybe Mingyu could sleep over at my place?

I opened my mouth to answer him back, but his phone started ringing. With his left hand he took it off the dashboard and answered the call. I couldn’t hear what the person on the other line was saying, but it made Mingyu tense up, all tenderness gone from his expression. I watched him as he grew angry in just a few seconds, and I rubbed his knuckles with my fingers to reassure him a bit.

“Understood, I’ll be there.” He growled out and ended the call, throwing his phone back where it was. I raised my eyebrows as he threw me a look, shifting the gear into position.

“We need to make a quick stop, then we can go home and sleep.” He said as he started driving again, posture tense. I nodded and rested my head against the headrest, curious as to where we were headed. Mingyu drove at a high speed, but I remained silent. What has happened now?

Part 5

[peterprkrsbtch]

sapphire - part 2

Peter Parker x reader

A/n: Part 1 is up on my page! There’s a couple flashbacks in this one so I put the dates before so it doesn’t get confusing. If you enjoy this one, like or reblog to share! I already wrote part 3 and it’s my favorite one yet so that’ll def be up soon :)

tag- @juliannaamonroe​

Warnings: swearing, make out, violence

(September 1)

We’re one minute away. Come out hoe!

You smile as you read the text, glancing at yourself in the mirror again, nerves and excitement ablaze in your stomach. You’d been planning for this day since last winter, and now it was finally here. You adjust your carefully styled hair and double check that the natural makeup you applied was sitting on your skin correctly.

Of course it was. That goddamn injection sometimes made you feel like a vampire out of twilight and sometimes you still got surprised when you saw your own face while passing a mirror or a particularly reflective window. You smooth down the ruffles of your short black skirt and tug the top of your tank top down so a bit more of your curves show.

You put on your white sneakers and tug your shirt back up to cover your chest again. We’ll have to work up to that, I guess. A long honk sounds from outside your apartment building and you curse as you scramble to grab your backpack and phone before running down and out the front steps.

“Awwww,” You say sweetly at the sight of the two girls who had become your best friends. “That’s the shirt you were wearing when we met, Ally.” You jokingly brush away a tear, pretending to be ultra touched.

“Best damn day of my life.” Ally says from her spot in the drivers seat, laughing at your dramatics. She may be joking around, but her sentiment makes your heart clench. This year really was going to be different.

***

(July 3)

You quickly realized you needed to find some Midtown friends if your plan for senior year was going to work. If you dared to show up looking, well, like you do, completely alone and friendless, you might become even more of an outcast than you were before. The first month of summer had been the least lonely time of your year so far, thanks to a certain Spiderman.

The two of you spent most of your nights together, flying through the city, fighting crime together, and talking. The “slow” nights that used to fill you with boredom quickly became your favorite when he was involved. The sound of his laugh and the jokes he makes during fights quickly became the highlight of your days.

But you couldn’t let yourself get too distracted by him. After all, neither of you knew what the other looked like. The only other boy you’d ever found remotely cute (other than celebrities) was nerdy Peter Parker from your high school. He wasn’t your usual type and he seemed to be just as shy as you were, so you had little (zero) hope that it would ever lead to anything more than a smile during the hallway if you accidentally made eye contact.

Sorry Spiderman, but no way in hell are you gonna make me lose my focus. The loneliness you had felt through the last three years of high school was too much. Your plan had to work. So that night as the two of you patrolled together, you softly mentioned that you were going to a pool party tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet.

He seemed a bit disappointed, but you brushed it off, trying to remember the names of the girls at your school who seemed nice. Peter, however, couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that you had told him where you would be tomorrow. There was only so many pool parties in a city like New York.

You tried not to think about who was under the Spiderman mask out of respect and, to be honest, it seemed like a pointless endeavor. Peter was not the same. No matter how tired he was from patrol, he always had time to lay awake before he fell asleep and picture what you would look like under the mask.

There wasn’t very many people who understood Peter’s secret life. None, actually, until you. Maybe that was why he was so intrigued by you, because you were so similar, but in his heart he knew that wasn’t it. He liked you. And he hated himself for it. But once you mentioned the pool party, he made sure to take one long last glance at the color of your hair before you two said goodbye. Just in case he happened to see that same hair tomorrow.

(July 4)

You were so, so nervous. Your closet of exclusively sweats and hoodies was trashed as Part 1 of your plan, much to your mother’s happiness. She had always been honest about her hatred of your junior year clothes and was extremely excited to purchase everything you needed. As distant as she was, you had to give her a little credit.

Although you’d been wearing the new clothes for the past month, this was the first time you were doing it so publicly. Your denim shorts exposed miles of smooth leg, and you’d decided to wear a red tube top in honor of the holiday-not to mention it really showed off your curves. You’d meticulously done your hair and makeup like you’d been practicing the past month and prayed that somebody would talk to you today.

You’d seen the flyer for the Fourth of July party on Instagram, which had been step 2. Unfortunately, you had two followers. Your mom and her boyfriend. Step 2 is a work in progress.

One long walk later, and you’re in front of the address. You swear you could explode of nerves right there, but instead you take a deep breath and force your legs to carry you inside the house and towards the people out by the pool.

Your eyes are so focused on your destination, the glass sliding door, that you barely notice when you bump shoulders with someone, causing you to drop your phone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You say, reaching down to grab your phone.

“Oh my god, stop. That was totally my fault.” You stand back up to see the girl who was speaking, and you recognize her immediately. Her name is Ally, and she’s a part of the most popular group at school. Despite her long black hair and sweet smile, you haven’t heard many good things about her. Not the type of person you were looking for.

“Do you go to Midtown? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.” Ally says, making no move to walk away from the conversation.

“Yeah, actually. My name is Y/n?” You don’t miss the way her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen with confusion and shock. You’re embarrassed now, realizing maybe you weren’t as invisible as you’d thought. In an effort to explain away the last few years, “My dad left a couple years ago and it was pretty hard on me, but I’m all better now.” You flash the most dazzling smile you can manage and hope she accepts it.

“No way, mine did too!” She gasps as she grabs your hands. You feel a small pang of guilt at that. It was a lie, you had no idea who your dad was and frankly, you didn’t think your mom knew either.

The conversation starts to flow between you and Ally easily as you make your way out to the pool. “This is my best friend Betty.” Ally introduces you to the sweet-as-pie girl and the three of you quickly fall into a conversation like you’d known each other forever. A few of their guy friends tried to come up and talk to you, but she just waved them away. “Leave us alone, we just met our new best friend.”

You felt bad for judging Ally so harshly earlier, blindly trusting the stupid rumors you’d heard about her. Popular or not, the three of you got along better than any of the other friends you’d tried to make throughout your life. They do briefly make fun of your instagram before forcing you to take and post pictures with the two of them by the pool. They both tag your account.

Peter didn’t seem to share the good luck you did. He’d dragged Ned to 6 different pool parties across the city and saw no one who looked like Sapphire. Disappointed, he spent the night patrolling alone and dodging fireworks.

***

(September 1)

Since that day, you’d become a trio with Ally and Betty. The day after the pool party you’d woken up to nearly 1,000 followers on your instagram. Everyone from Midtown who never gave you a second look when you had your hood shoved over your head now wanted to be your friend.

The three of you spent the rest of your summer days together, and you fit into the popular friend group better than you could have imagined. Maybe you watched too many teen movies, but you expected them to be mean. The only mean one was Flash, and even he was basically harmless. You’d given up Saturday night patrols with Spiderman for a weekly girls night with your new best friends. You thought having new friends and a bustling social life would’ve made it easier to forget about Spiderman, but somehow he seeped into every area of your life.

That damn laugh. As Ally and Betty sing along to the radio loudly, you bite your lip to stop a dumb smile from rising to your lips. God, just thinking about him made you flustered. As Ally drives into the school parking lot, nerves bubble in your stomach.

As if you aren’t stressed enough, your brain decides this is the perfect moment to remind you of the one night this summer you and Spiderman haven’t talked about since.

*** (August 14)

The two of you were sprawled out on a gravel rooftop next to each other. Not the most comfortable of relaxing spots, but you’d both grown tired of flying around under the summer heat with no hint of trouble for miles.

“This sucks.” Spiderman huffs out.

“Rude.” You reply quickly, even though you know he isn’t talking about you.

“Oh, no,” He immediately sits up. “I didn’t mean you suck, I just meant, you know, because there’s not much going on right now and it’s hot and-” He sees your cheeky smile and stops himself with a laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s cute.” You bite your lip. The fuck did I just say? Before you can begin to explain, he jumps to his feet.

“Spidey sense, let’s go!” You jump up too and follow after him as he jumps off the building. Thank god. I’ve never been so grateful that someone’s in trouble. The fight was tough, even with the both of you. These men had strange guns that keep firing at you and Spiderman even though you’d tried multiple times to crush them with your powers.

“The guns are magic-proof! I can’t destroy them!” You yell over to Spiderman as you take down one of the men in between punches.

Somehow, two men get ahold of their guns and corner you. Just as you start levitating to fly over them, a web shoots from somewhere behind them and the men and their guns are yanked away. Spiderman wastes no time and you swear he seems angry with the two men as he webs them to the wall next to their friends before picking up the guns and violently smashing them on the ground.

You’re still frozen in shock, watching him. When he seems to be satisfied with the broken pile of guns on the floor, he runs back over to you. “I’m so sorry, I know we promised-” You finally break out of whatever trance you were in to place a finger over his lips, casting a disgusted glance towards the men staring at you from their webbed cocoons.

“Not here.” You say quietly, and fly the two of you quickly up to the roof. He blinks for a second, his head spinning from the speed. You rarely use your full speed, especially with him, but you had to get out of there. “Okay, go ahead.” You say after a second of silence.

“I’m so sorry, I know we agreed not to get in each other’s way, and I know you can handle yourself, probably better than I can. Hold on, I didn’t mean I handle you. That sounded weird. Anyways, I just got so angry when I saw those men pointing their guns at you I had to-” He’s talking about the agreement you two had made when you first started working together. You both obviously were skilled, so you agreed that you wouldn’t interrupt each other’s fights unless asked.

“Spidey, I really don’t care you interrupted. It was hot.” JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN. You immediately winced and slap a hand over your mouth. “Oh my god I did NOT mean to say that I’m so sorry.”

Your rambling is cut off as Spiderman’s hand travels up to the bottom of his mask and you think your eyes might fall out of your head with how wide they become as he begins to pull it up, revealing the soft pale skin of his neck.

His jaw, chin, and then lips become visible as he lets the mask rest on his nose. The 0.5 seconds that have passed since you stopped talking feel like an eternity until he suddenly leans forward, crashing his lips into yours. Spiderman is an amazing kisser, you decide, as you gently kiss him back.

WHAT AM I DOING? Your mind is going haywire but instead of stopping, you deepen the kiss and nearly smile when he lets out a low moan. Everything you’ve told yourself about focus and distractions flies out the window when his gloved hands clutch your waist and pull you closer to him than you thought possible.

It feels like it’s only been a second when he pulls away, but your eyes flicker to his swollen lips and you know it must have been longer. You smile as you stare at his lips, only inches from yours, but as your gaze moves to the rest of his exposed skin the smile drops slowly.

Your rational mind comes back. It’s easy to forget when you’re with him that you’ve only known each other a couple months. How could you do this? Your first time making out with a boy, and he doesn’t even know your name.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You whisper as he starts to say something.  “Sorry, what were you going to say?” He blinks slowly and takes a deep breath before stepping away from you.

“Nevermind. See you tomorrow.” And he swings away from you. You silently curse yourself for being such a big mouth, wanting to know what he would have said. You can’t help the small voice in the back of your head, telling you that you made the wrong decision.

You raise your hand to run your fingers along your tingling lips before flying home as fast as you can.

***

(September 1)

You wince at the painful memory before reminding yourself everything was back to normal the next day and neither of you mentioned it again. You still weren’t sure if that was good or bad. You force all thoughts of Spiderman out of your brain and even give Ally an encouraging cheer when she successfully parks on her first try.

You don’t remember Midtown having so many fucking students last year, but maybe it was because they were all staring at you. Any confidence you’d had as you opened Ally’s car door had disappeared as everyone around you turned to gawk. The bright smile you’d pasted on a second ago quickly fell and you glanced at Ally nervously.

“Come on, girls!” She says enthusiastically, grabbing an arm from you and Betty as she breaks the brief moment of awkward silence. God bless you Ally. As the three of you hoist your bags over your shoulders and make your way into the school, you mouth a quick thank you her way, hoping she can see your genuine appreciation. She smiles at you. “I’m happy we’re going into this year as three instead of two.”

Betty leans forward to smile at you. “Me too, y/n. I’m really happy you’re here.”  You smile back brightly. There really was no one as sweet as Betty.

“You won’t be so happy I’m here when I talk your ear off during class.” The three of you continue laughing and joking your way down the hall to stop at your lockers.

“Oh my god, is that Y/n?” Ned interrupts Peter’s latest ramble about his night with Sapphire. Usually, he really did listen. Ned was fully invested in the superhero love story, as he called it, unfolding. But the sight of a girl notorious for hiding in her own baggy clothes across the hall in a miniskirt and tank top was more important.

“Y/n?” Peter asks, confused why Ned wasn’t paying attention. But when he turned around to see what Ned was staring at, he understood. He’d seen you around school the past three years, but never like this.

You looked like a fucking model. And everyone in the hall couldn’t help but stare. “Holy shit.”

“Right, dude?” Ned breathes out, the two of them shamelessly staring. “Why didn’t that happen to me over summer? Oh my god, of course she’s friends with Betty.”

Peter laughs as his best friend goes on about “two pretty best friends” but he can’t take his eyes off of you. The light in your eyes as you joke with your friends, making them double over in laughter, feels strangely familiar. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking on his part because you’re extremely pretty.

He watches in surprise as you and Ally walk up to the AP Chem classroom, waving goodbye to Betty sadly as she heads off to English. You turn to walk into the classroom after Ally, but you pause and look back down the hallway-right at him. Instead of yelling at him for being a creep like he expected, you smile at him widely before heading into the class. He exhales deeply and glances down at his schedule quickly, a smile appearing. AP Chem.

Of course his thoughts are still consumed by Sapphire, but it was hard to ignore you especially after seeing his name on the seating chart next to yours in the back row. Plus, Sapphire was the one who’d shot him down after he finally tried to make a move after catching onto the hints he thought she’d been dropping.

He felt bad for thinking that about her, he didn’t blame her at all. He knew there was a million reasons they shouldn’t be together-and he didn’t want to know specifics on why he wasn’t good enough. Sapphire hadn’t brought up that night since, and he was fine to pretend it never happened.

You were already in your seat at the lab table, but Ally was still standing next to you waving her hands wildly as you two spoke. He doesn’t want to interrupt so he freezes in place, unsure of whether or not to go sit down. He’d thought you were cute, and a little shy like him in freshman and sophomore year and he remembered the many times he would look at you from across the room like he is now.

His eyes had been quick to find you whenever you two were in the same room ever since the first day of school freshman year when you smiled at him in the hall. Even last year, when all he saw of you was a curled up lump at your desk or a sliver of hair peeking out from behind your hood he still noticed you.

Luckily for him, the bell rings and he slides into his seat just as the teacher begins speaking. “Hi, Peter.” You lean over to him, your shoulders nearly touching, and whisper so the teacher doesn’t hear. “I’m y/n.” You smile warmly as his cheeks and ears turn light pink.

“You don’t have to introduce yourself. We’ve gone to school together since we were 6?” Now it’s your turn to be embarrassed and you purse your lips together.

“No, I know, just-” Peter notices you seem a bit frustrated as you glance around the room and then lean even closer to him. “Everybody thinks I’m new.” You nervously mess with your bracelet.

“You do look a bit different.” He points out and you raise your eyebrows before sighing slowly and shrugging.

“I was just sick of feeling invisible, you know. Not because I care what anyone here thinks. Last year was just, really, really lonely.” Peter watches you intently as you speak, hanging onto your every word.

Your confession made him sad. If only he’d been brave enough to ask if you were okay. You pause for a second and meet his eyes. Any other guy in this school would’ve laughed at you by now. You gesture to your outfit and nervously adjust your skirt. “I’m also not a superficial person. It wasn’t about changing how I looked, I just needed the confidence to put myself out there.” You pause and nod towards Ally with a smile. Peter glances over to Ally and sees her blow you a kiss, which you catch across the room with a giggle.

I miss you! She mouths with a dramatic frown and this time Peter laughs quietly with you. “I thought she was a bitch before I met her.” He looks at you with surprise to find you smiling at him. “But,” you hold up a finger for dramatic effect, “because I put myself out there, I met my best friends. A lot of people around here judge on appearances. I’m not like that anymore.” You say with confidence.

“That’s really cool of you.” Peter whispers back, and the sound sends an involuntary shiver down your spine. He’s so close to you and the feelings you thought you left behind two years ago don’t seem so left behind as you stare into his warm eyes. “For the record, I’d be your friend no matter what you look like.”

Peter has only been this nervous a couple times before in his life, and he can’t help but feel like he’s betraying Sapphire with the way he’s thinking about you. He watches as you smile warmly at his words and extend your hand towards his.

“Friends? Even though I'm so much uglier now?” You pout your bottom lip out, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He nearly laughs out loud and has to remind himself you’re still in class. “I know guys go wild for the homeless man sweatpants look.” You’re both trying to hold back your laughter, shaking silently in the back of the class as he raises his hand and grabs yours.

“Friends.” Peter isn’t sure why he keeps going, but he does. “And just so you know, you were never ugly. I don’t know why you tried so hard to hide yourself last year, but even then,” the words leaving his mouth sound confident but Peter takes a deep breath before looking up from his lap to meet your eyes. Your wide eyes and surprised smile give him just the confidence he needs to finish. “You could never be ugly.” Peter can hear his heart beating.

You blink at him. This boy could not be real. Here he was, basically implying that the one thing you had wanted all along, for somebody to notice you, was true. Not only was it true, but it was Peter fucking Parker telling you this. Despite everything that had changed you in the past year, the giddy feeling in your bones brought you back to sophomore year and pining over Peter.

“Really?” Your smile spreads and he seems to let out a deep breath of relief.

“Yeah.” He smiles back at you until your sweet moment is interrupted by a fat ass syllabus dropping onto the lab table in front of you.

“Fuck,” you whisper. “This class is gonna be so much homework.” You turn the page so Peter can briefly see the list of projects alone, and it’s enough to make him cringe.

Something about the way the whispers travel back and forth between you all class makes you realize you hadn’t fallen into a friendship this easily, even with Ally. Even with Spiderman, your brain points out.

A red and blue suit swings into your mind and you are hit with a wave of guilt. Not two hours ago I was thinking about my make out with Spiderman, and now I’m comparing him to Peter? 

You have all but one class together, and you can’t help but glance in Peter’s direction any chance you get. The only time you don’t see him is at lunch, even though you look all around the lunch room for him or the boy he’d been standing with this morning. You thought it would be too creepy to ask him where he’d been.

Finally, the last bell of the day rang, and you were sure if you didn’t have superpowers you would’ve been exhausted. School is kinda draining when you actually acknowledge people. Ally and Betty share your complaints about being tired on your drive home, all three of you agreeing you need naps. You kiss them both on the cheek and wave goodbye before heading up to your room.

Forget what I said about having superpowers. I’m fucking tired. You lay down on your bed, groaning into the pillow at the thought of having to patrol tonight. You sat up abruptly. You’d never dreaded patrol, it was always the thing you looked forward to. You glance towards the suit in your closet and sigh.

It’s not patrol I’m nervous about. It’s him. You feel incredibly guilty about today. I’m not a two timer. If I want to like Peter, I have to talk to Spiderman about that kiss first. You start to make your way over to the closet before another wave of exhaustion hits, sending you straight back to your bed.

After a nap. Then we’ll talk.