#that now you're too ashamed to do it because you think people will be mad at you because you didn't do it earlier (which is the reason you

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Ao3 Link because this one is a bit long <3

Buck ducks his head on his way into the station, hoping that it's one of those days where everyone else is too caught up in their own stuff to notice that he’s kind of spiraling.

It's not that he wants everyone to be going through stuff. And really, thinking that might bring it into existence, and the 118 already feels cursed enough as is. So, Buck really doesn't want anyone to be dealing with emotional baggage on the same level as what he's dealing with but-

"You alright?" Bobby asks as he turns off the stove, pulling everyone's attention toward Buck which is exactly what he doesn't need right now.

"Fine. Just thinking," Buck replies easily, ignoring the way Eddie is leveling him with an I know you're lying because you're a worse liar than Christopher look.

Before Eddie can say anything, Chimney points a piece of bacon at him and chimes in, "Uh oh. That's dangerous."

"What's more dangerous are the thoughts he isn't willing to share with the class," Hen says, eyebrows raised in an almost accusatory way. "So, what aren't you telling us?"

Buck shakes his head with a frown. "Nothing," he states, taking a place at the table and shoveling food on his plate, hoping it's the end of this conversation.

Eddie leans over and lowers his voice to ask, "You're not having nightmares again, are you?"

"No," Buck replies honestly, although after the events of last night, he just might.

"Maddie hasn't said anything, so it's not family related,'' Chimney very unhelpfully adds.

"Are you and Tommy okay?" Hen asks.

The grimace is entirely involuntary.

"Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!" Chimney says with a laugh which dies down quickly when Bobby gives him a look.

"What happened?" Hen questions softly.

Bobby takes the opportunity to clear his throat. "Buck, you don't have to answer any of their questions if you don't want to, after all, we are all at work."

"When has that stopped anyone before?" Chimney asks, getting a swift kick in the shin by Hen in response.

The tiniest bit of relief floods his system when everyone stops pressing and moves on. Well, besides the occasional lingering glance of curiosity, they mostly move on. But the smallest part of Buck wishes they would press on because he has to tell someone, and while they are some of the nosiest people he's ever met, they're also family.

"I called Tommy the wrong name last night!" Buck blurts out.

Everyone stops mid-conversation to look at him.

"I called him the wrong name... and he left."

The amusement on Hen's face slips right off as she puts a hand over Buck's. "Oh, Buck."

Eddie swallows his food audibly before gently asking, "Left as in..."

Buck glances his way, taking in the soft sympathy in Eddie's eyes. "Left the apartment with a quick goodbye saying he needed time to think about things, and he hasn't talked to me since. It's been twelve hours."

"That's not too bad. What we really need to know is what name you called him. Then we can figure out the damage. And hey, I've had many girls call me the wrong name, and the longest I waited was maybe a day before speaking to them again," Chimney says.

"I don't think you're the best person to be giving advice about this," Bobby says with his ever-present small smile.

"Hey, I'm married now! I think I'm doing pretty great."

Bobby turns his attention back to Buck. "Hey, kid. We've all been there, okay? You're still in the early stages of this relationship, and it's natural to revert to old tendencies - including calling someone the wrong name. Hell, I've called Athena my first wife's name before; there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Buck shakes his head and stares down at the table. "But it was... really bad this time."

"This time?" Ravi asks in disbelief, only to be ignored as Buck continues.

"He didn't even look mad. He just looked... disappointed. And I thought it was something we could laugh off because really it was just a slip of the tongue! I mean, I didn't mean to call him 'Bobby!'"

An eerie silence settles in the station as everyone takes in what was said.

Buck tries to defend himself with a quick, "Uh-" But is immediately cut off by the bell going off.

On the way to the scene, everyone glances at Buck who finally says, "Okay, so Tommy has a daddy kink."

"Yeah, I could've gone my whole life without knowing that," Chimney sighs.

"And!" Buck continues, "Daddy and Bobby are... kind of similar sounding, you know? Daddy... Bobby..."

"If you say 'daddy' one more time, I will revoke Uncle Buck privileges," Chimney groans.

Hen shrugs and says, "There's nothing wrong with a daddy kink as long as everyone is consenting. Now a Bobby kink..."

There's a mixture of laughter from Hen and Chimney, an ay dios from Eddie, a mumbled what is happening from Ravi, and Bobby pointedly tries to ignore the conversation.

"We were in the kitchen and he handed me-!"

"Nope! I do not want to hear about your sex life, Buckaroo!"

Buck frowns at Chimney for a moment before his eyebrows shoot up in shock. "Oh! No! You all think I- Oh god. No. No." Buck shakes his head seriously and continues, "The kink extends outside of the bedroom. He likes it when I call him that all the time. Like when we're having dinner or when we're making dinner. Which is exactly when it happened last night. See, Bobby and I cook all the time, plus like I said Bobby and Da-"

"Alright, we're one minute out, let's wrap this conversation up please," Bobby says, as the tips of his ears turn red.

"Yes, d- Bobby. Shit," Buck mutters, ignoring the cackling around him. Who knew a minute could last so long?

Luckily, the call isn’t too bad – a car accident with the worst injury being minor airbag burns. They're able to clear the scene quickly - too quickly in Buck's opinion because none of them forget their previous conversation.

On the ride back, it takes less than a minute before Eddie asks, "So, I don't get it. You misspoke, and Tommy just... walked out?"

"If it was during sex... that would definitely be off-putting, but you would think you could just laugh it off even if it killed the mood," Hen thinks aloud, "But what exactly did you say when you called him Bobby?"

Buck shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls the moment. "He just asked me to hand him the garlic powder, and I said 'Yes, Bobby' and immediately started laughing about it because I thought we could just laugh it off. But when I saw he wasn't laughing I apologized because it was an honest mistake, but he said the thing about taking time to figure things out, and he walked out."

"Maybe he didn't want to be compared to Cap because he's ancient," Chim jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Hen laughs and looks at Bobby. "You have no comeback today?"

"Don't need one if being ancient got me Athena."

There's a series of cooing, awws, and catcalls from everyone as they're quick to tease Bobby who throws a proud smile over his shoulder. Buck tries his hardest to focus on the secondhand love he feels for their relationship but notices how dim it is when compared to his tarnishing relationship. Bobby must notice it because he's quick to say, "Tommy is a good man. He'll come around."

Buck nods, lost in the thought of what if he doesn't? and too distracted by it to conceal his other thought, "Yeah, if he can get over me calling him Eddie in bed then he should be able to get over this, right?"

A weird strangled noise comes out of Chimney's mouth and Hen's jaw visibly drops. But Buck's eyes shoot to Eddie when he realizes what he just confessed.

Eddie just smiles, looking disturbingly undisturbed and a little amused and maybe… proud?

A minute of silence passes by before Ravi of all people asks, "So is no one going to question what was just said?"

Eddie shakes his head and laughs. "Come on, you guys. You said it yourself it happens to everyone. And I've had my fair share of partners who have gotten offended because they thought I said 'Buck' but 'Buck' and 'fuck' sound very similar."

"Just like 'Eddie' and 'baby' sound similar," Buck rushes to say, jaw tight, nodding quickly in agreement.

"Yeah because I'm sure that..." Chimney trails off and throws his hands up. He shoots Hen a look and asks, "Do you want to take this one?"

Hen blows out a deep breath of air and shakes her head. "They don't pay me enough to even begin to unpack this."

Eddie rolls his eyes and bumps his knee against Buck's. "This doesn't change a thing between us, okay?” He lowers his voice to say, “And between you and me, there was definitely one time I clearly said your name, so I guess we're even."

"You realize our radios are all on the same channel, right?" Bobby asks with barely veiled amusement.

Eddie's eyes widen for a second before he straightens up and fixes everyone with a flat look, almost daring them to say anything.

"Does this happen often?" Ravi asks naively.

"With these two idiots?" Hen asks.

"Yes," comes the answer from Chimney, Hen, and Bobby.

Buck crosses his arms, but he can't feel too bad when Eddie shoots him a small private smile.

Soon enough, they get back to the station, and Buck can sense something is off when he's the last to get out of the truck.

"Someone is here to see you, Buck," Bobby says, his smile tighter than usual before he squeezes Buck's arm and walks past him. Buck glances over everyone else's shoulders and finds Tommy standing there, hands in his pockets looking slightly uneasy.

"So, I'm assuming everyone knows," Tommy comments to the group who all look around uncomfortably.

"I think Cap said something about cleaning something upstairs," Ravi says before running off. He's definitely one of their smartest firefighters and probably their least nosy - maybe there's a connection there. Buck doesn't have much time to think about it as everyone rushes past him, giving him looks of encouragement and poorly concealed grimaces.

"Hi, Tommy," Buck says, purposefully saying his name to prove to both of them that he's capable of it.

"Evan," Tommy replies easily. He glances up and sighs, "Let's go somewhere a bit more private, hm?"

Buck turns and finds everyone including Bobby leaning on the railing upstairs, trying to overhear. Buck furrows his eyebrows and frowns at them, shaking his head - although he knows if the roles were reversed, he would definitely be doing the same thing.

He follows Tommy outside and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely.

Tommy nods, the ever-so-slight smile appearing on his face. "I know." He just looks out around them, glancing up at the sky as if trying to determine the impending weather. Buck nearly makes a joke about it, but Tommy beats him to speaking first. "I'm sorry that I walked out like that. I should have said what it was that was bothering me, but I truly needed the time to get my thoughts together."

"And that's okay. You can take all the time you need."

Tommy nods again before finally looking at Buck. "Evan, I think we both know what I'm about to say."

Buck's heart sinks to his stomach as he shakes his head. "No, I really don't."

Tommy glances over his face, frowning for a moment before fixing him with a look of... pity? "You really don't know, do you?"

Buck shakes his head, but he's pretty sure he can tell when someone is breaking up with him. So maybe he should nod, but this feels like something more than that.

Tommy puts his hands in his pockets and takes a step closer to him. "The reason I left like that wasn't because I was angry that you called me Bobby. And really, it was funny as hell given the situation."

"But?" Buck can't help but ask.

"But," Tommy continues, "It was your reaction that startled me." Buck shakes his head, confused as ever. Tommy just sighs. "Evan, you were genuinely startled by it and taken off guard. You immediately laughed it off, and I knew it was nothing. But that made me remember the other time when you said Eddie's name-"

"Which was also an accident!" Buck cuts him off, quickly, almost desperately.

The look Tommy gives Buck nearly makes him want to take the statement back. "Please, Evan. You didn't just laugh it off then, and we both know it. And we always avoided bringing it up because we both knew what happened. From the beginning, I accepted that it was only a matter of time before you figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Buck questions weakly.

Tommy pauses, seemingly debating if he's going to tell him or not. Eventually, he settles on saying, "Both times were an accident. But one was an honest mistake while the other... wasn't."

There's a moment where Buck almost brushes it off and says I don't know what you're talking about. They were both a mistake. But he can't lie to himself or Tommy anymore, and he can see the moment that Tommy registers that, expression dropping to something somber but not surprised.

"You got my attention, Evan. But whose attention was it that you were really after?" Tommy asks, slowly backing away.

"I really liked what we had!" Buck interjects before Tommy can get away.

Tommy gives him a small smile. "I did too. But we both knew it was only a matter of time." He hesitates before walking up to Buck and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Evan. And go talk to Eddie, please."

Buck huffs out a small humorless laugh, experiencing a weird sense of deja vu. He watches as Tommy walks away and doesn't say anything in response because if he fucks up his name one more time, he doesn't think he will ever recover.

As he makes his way back into the station, he notices that most people are upstairs actually minding their own business. But then he catches Eddie watching him carefully and slowly approaches him.

"I take it that went well?" Eddie asks.

Buck chuckles and glances over his shoulder to where Eddie must've had a clear view of their conversation. "Were you watching me?"

Eddie shrugs. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He says it so casually yet sincerely that it makes Buck duck his head, trying to fight the blush that threatens to color his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

"So, everything is good then?"

Buck pauses and considers what Tommy had said – go talk to Eddie. “Yeah, things are… good.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows slightly, definitely not believing Buck’s weird tone.

Buck sighs and looks down. “Okay. They’re not good. But they’re fine. We broke up- amicably! And… I’m fine.”

Eddie takes a step closer and tilts his head down so Buck looks him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

It takes a moment for Buck to process what Eddie has said- he always gets flustered when he stands this close. He wonders how he pushed it all down before. But he remembers all the pep talks he would give himself to confess things to Eddie before finding out he was seeing someone new, and all the times he was with Christopher and knew that he would do anything for the kid. Anything meaning not dating his dad and fucking up their whole dynamic. And that’s the thing about Buck, he never knows how to keep a good thing. And if Eddie were the one to leave… he thinks it might destroy him.

“I will be fine,” Buck insists and plasters on a smile. “And don’t worry, I won’t stop your and Tommy’s whole bromance thing. So don’t stop hanging out because of me.”

Eddie frowns and puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb resting on his collarbone. “You know you’re my best friend, right? Even if I’m out with Tommy, you can always call me, and I’ll be by your side in a heartbeat.”

“Even if he’s flown you to a different state?” Buck jokes.

“I’ll make him fly back even faster. Maybe even see if he can land where you are,” Eddie answers, smiling wide and sincerely. Buck laughs.

They remain there for a few moments just smiling at each other before the moment is interrupted. “Everything okay?” Bobby asks cautiously.

“It will be,” Buck says with a nod because it will be.

He just hopes it will be sooner rather than later.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Buck’s in Eddie’s kitchen the Thursday after the breakup, staring at the calendar with the dumb circle around the date. Basketball pick-up game with Tommy.

Jealousy still swirls in the pit of Buck’s stomach, and he’s no longer trying to fool himself that he’s jealous of Eddie. He never really has been, and he wonders if Eddie knows that. Because Thursdays are Eddie and Tommy’s night. Even with Christopher’s absence and Buck’s extended stays at Eddie’s, Thursdays are the nights Tommy comes over to distract Eddie from the emptiness for a while.

But tonight, Eddie asked Buck to come over and have dinner with him probably knowing Buck would’ve had the tiniest mini spiral on his own. And Buck wonders what he’s done to deserve such an amazing best friend.

He glances in the pantry, wondering if he should tell Eddie to cancel the pizza order he'll be picking up on his way home in favor of Buck making something that will distract him from his thoughts. Just as Buck picks up his phone, there's a rattling of keys in the front door that makes Buck nearly jump out of his skin as he rounds the corner until he sees Eddie pushing the door open.

"You're early," Buck states as he takes the pizza out of his hands.

"Basketball ended early today," Eddie replies easily.

Buck narrows his eyes at him because he's pretty sure the only way that's true is if basketball ended early only for Eddie. "Right."

"I'm going to shower. Find something for us to watch tonight."

As Eddie goes down the hall, Buck calls after him, "You know you don't have to baby me, right?"

"Who else am I supposed to baby with Chris gone?" Eddie yells back, knowing that Buck can't really argue with him. He only wishes he had something to throw at him in response. He really should've made some popcorn.

While Eddie quickly showers, Buck set the pizza down in the living room and grabs two beers, plates, and napkins before settling on the couch. He opens Netflix and goes to his account, knowing Eddie’s is full of romcom suggestions that he pretends to hate, and picks out a random true crime documentary that fulfills Buck’s thirst for random knowledge and Eddie’s thirst for drama.

Eddie joins him a few minutes later wearing slightly ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt that clings to his chest and arms just right.

Buck averts his gaze before Eddie can catch him staring, although he thinks he might be too late because he sees Eddie watching him carefully out of the corner of his eye. Buck grabs the remote and presses play in hopes of distracting him, but weirdly enough, Eddie’s gaze never really seems to leave him. At one point, Buck even glances over and gives him a questioning look which Eddie answers with a shake of his head before looking at the TV only to glance back at Buck a few moments later.

When the documentary comes to an end, Buck has absorbed about none of it and he doubts Eddie has either. So instead of talking about it, he grabs their empty plates and heads to the kitchen hearing Eddie trailing behind him with their empty bottles.

“Want another one?” Eddie asks as Buck rinses off their plates.

Buck shakes his head. He has a feeling that Eddie is about to ask him how he’s doing or something, and although another beer won’t really affect his cognitive abilities, Buck rather not take any chances. Once he’s through with putting the plates in the dishwasher, he turns carefully and leans against the counter, locking eyes with Eddie who lingers by the fridge, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“Is there something you need to talk to me about?” Eddie questions, throwing Buck for a loop.

“Me? I was going to ask you the same thing after you found me more entertaining than that documentary,” Buck jokes.

Eddie frowns and looks away from him. “I did not.”

“Tell me one thing that happened during it.” And Buck really hopes he doesn’t say anything because he wouldn’t be able to confirm it.

Luckily, Eddie stammers for a moment before sighing, “I was staring out of concern after Tommy said…”

Buck's heart drops to his stomach as Eddie trails off. “What did he say?”

Eddie pauses and crosses his arms. “He asked if you had talked to me, and I told him you told me about the breakup, but he acted like there was something more that you needed to say.”

Buck crosses his own arms to try to hide how much his hands are starting to shake.

“Is there more?” Eddie asks.

There’s a moment where Buck almost says, No. I don’t know what he’s talking about. But then he hesitates, wondering if this is it. This is his moment.

Before he knows it, too much time has passed for him to lie and say there’s nothing, so Buck lets out a deep breath and takes a seat before he does something dumb like lock his knees for too long and pass out mid-confession. He looks up at Eddie who begins leaning against the fridge, head framed by one of Chris’s tests with a big A on it.

“I never told you why we broke up,” Buck confesses. “I never even told you the truth about why we started dating.” He pauses and looks down, unable to look at Eddie’s reaction as he continues. “You know, when I met Tommy, I thought he was pretty cool with the whole flying-a-helicopter-through-a-hurricane-to-help-us-without-asking-any-questions thing. I mean. Who does that? So, yeah I asked him for a tour because I wanted to get to know the guy - as a friend.

“And then, I saw him with you,” Buck looks up at Eddie, reimagining the moment. “And you were so happy with him. Happier than I’d seen you in a while, and I knew I should’ve been happy that you got a new friend. But I was devastated. And I felt so guilty about it, especially after the whole basketball thing. I told Maddie about what happened, and she told me all about this best friend she had and how she got jealous when she got a new best friend, and I thought… that was it. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be your one and only best friend.”

Buck pauses, wondering if he should cross this line, but Eddie nods gently in encouragement, brows furrowed as he takes it all in, and Buck continues, “But that wasn’t it. And deep down, I think I knew what was really happening, and I didn’t want to admit it. So, I changed the narrative in my head a bit… I think? Honestly, things aren’t one hundred percent clear to me about how I repressed it - but all of a sudden I was so sure that I was jealous of you. That I was jealous of you hanging out with Tommy. And that’s what I told him before he kissed me, and things just progressed from there. And really, I was happy with our relationship, he was great, and he was… kind of like you. But…” he trails off, words on the tip of his tongue but unwilling to fully let them escape.

“But?” Eddie prompts so gently that Buck almost doesn’t hear it.

In one breath, Buck says, “But he wasn’t you.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up so fast that Buck would find it comedic if it was in any other situation. “So, you’re saying…” Eddie asks, head cocking to the side.

“Calling Tommy ‘Bobby’ was an accident,” Buck states, uncomfortably straightening up in his chair as he prepares himself for what he’s about to say. “Calling him your name was not.” And just to put the final nail in the coffin Buck says, “And it was never his attention I was after. It was yours. I wanted you, but I couldn’t handle the thought of telling you and ruining things between us. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship or my relationship with Chris, but here I am… doing exactly that.”

Eddie purses his lips and nods for a few long moments before turning to the fridge and opening it up, grabbing two beers, and setting them on the counter.

“I’m good, Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, these are both for me.”

Buck feels his entire being shrink in on itself and he wonders if this is the worst rejection he’s ever felt.

“To think,” Eddie clarifies quickly, walking over to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb soothing over his collarbone. “About everything you said - which absolutely won’t ruin our relationship or your relationship with Chris. I promise. I just need a few minutes.”

And that’s all Buck needed to hear to know no matter the result of this conversation, things would be okay.

He stands up quickly, suggesting, “Why don’t I let you sleep on it?”

Eddie gives him a look mid sip that says no before he can actually say anything. “The only way you’re letting me sleep on it is if you stay the night on the couch because I’m not letting you doom spiral in your apartment.”

“I wasn’t going to…” Buck trails off when Eddie raises his eyebrows at him. “Okay, yeah, I would’ve spiraled on my own. But let me at least give you some space to think.”

Eddie nods, eyes staring off into space entirely unfocused.

Buck quietly says, “Okay,” under his breath and goes to the living room, closing the kitchen door behind him. He takes a deep breath and settles on the couch, trying to make himself comfortable but failing entirely. He takes out his phone and starts typing a message to Maddie saying this is probably crazy but remember that time you said something like whatever I had to tell Eddie I would tell him in my own time? well, guess who just found out what you meant by that and told their best friend they’re in love with them???

But then he remembers Maddie will tell Chimney and Chimney will tell Hen and Hen will tell Karen and Athena and Athena would tell Bobby and… really he does not want everyone to know he confessed his feelings for Eddie before Eddie has time to process those feelings.

Buck sighs and goes through his apps before going to Google and looking through whatever is trending in searches before going down a rabbit hole that becomes a fairly decent distraction until he thinks Man, I need to send this article to Eddie. Then he gets an achy feeling in his chest.

Quite a few minutes pass before Buck gets a sudden dry feeling in his mouth and he realizes he needs water. This is arguably the worst time to need water when the kitchen is off-limits, but he doesn’t think he could drink straight from Eddie’s bathroom sink faucet without feeling weird about it. Plus, he’s sure Eddie will understand, and he won’t interrupt his moment if he’s quick about it.

So, Buck makes his way to the kitchen, pulling the door open only to find Eddie pushing it open on the other side.

“Hey,” Buck says with a small smile.

“Hey,” Eddie responds, eyes trailing over Buck’s features as if taking them in for the first time.

A few seconds pass before Buck finally asks, “Do you mind if I get some water?”

Eddie shakes his head and steps back out of Buck’s way. But as Buck steps forward, Eddie shakes his head and says, “Wait, I’ll get it for you.”

Buck frowns, trying to interpret Eddie's body language, but he's not sure if he's ever seen him so... nervous or maybe... flustered?

As Eddie walks back to where Buck is lingering in the doorway, his eyes roam over Buck before he snaps himself out of it, shaking his head and handing Buck a glass of water. He turns and rubs his hands over his face. "Dios," he mumbles.

Buck doesn't say anything as he sips on his water, leaning against the doorframe and taking in Eddie's spiral. It's simultaneously comforting and nerve-wracking. After a few moments of silence, Buck finally asks, "You okay?"

Eddie pauses and glances up at him. Buck's almost sure that Eddie is about to lie and say he's fine, but right as he opens his mouth, he closes it and shakes his head. Buck wants to step forward and comfort him, but he hesitates, wondering if the push into Eddie's space will scare him away.

Eddie takes a few steps toward Buck, effectively making Buck feel pinned up against the doorframe. "I have been trying to replace the hole Shannon left in my life since she passed. And I've been finding all these replacements that never felt right. Hell, I found Shannon's doppelganger, and it still wasn't right. And I always thought that she was just irreplaceable. And I was right. No one will ever be Shannon, and no one will be able to replace her role in Christopher's life or what I had with her. And that’s okay. But... while I pursued all these women for the wrong reasons, I never realized that Shannon wasn't the only reason why things never worked out."

Eddie takes a deep breath and takes another step closer to Buck. "There was always this small part of me that knew that no matter what happened with my relationships, it didn't matter because you would always be there - for me and Christopher. But I never really considered that this," Eddie makes a quick motion between him and Buck, "could even be an option. And I feel..." He trails off as he stares at Buck.

"Uncomfortable?" Buck asks slightly cowering in on himself, prepared for the mental hit Eddie's answer will be.

Eddie gives him a flat look, completely shutting down all of Buck's thoughts. "Like an idiot," he states as if it's the most obvious answer. Eddie crosses his arms and takes another step toward him. "I mean, I’ve always known you were attractive. Sometimes I would wonder what it would be like to be one of your girlfriends – especially when they didn’t treat you right. I would imagine what I would do if I was them.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, “Hell, I used to call Ana your name often enough that Chris tried to make it an inside joke. At the bachelor party, I really should've known though because as soon as I saw you and Tommy together I felt... awful." Eddie laughs and shakes his head. "For a minute there, I was confused as hell wondering if I was suddenly homophobic."

Buck can't help but burst out laughing.

"It's true!" Eddie laughs and hits Buck on the arm. "I had to reevaluate my feelings when Karen and Hen walked in, and I became very aware that it was just a you and Tommy thing. Then, I thought maybe I was just jealous seeing you close to Tommy or maybe seeing Tommy close to you. But that didn't really make sense because I've been so excited whenever you hit it off with anyone else in my life."

"So, how did you rationalize that thought?" Buck asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I got blackout drunk and didn't think about it again." The answer is so immediate that Buck can't help but laugh again. Eddie smiles at him and nudges him on the shoulder. "I should say, I didn't think about it again until about half an hour or so ago"

Buck can't help but look at him a bit bashfully. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be," Eddie says, hand landing on Buck's shoulder. "Don't ever be sorry about telling me how you feel even if it sends me into an identity crisis of sorts."

Buck cocks his head to the side. "Identity crisis meaning...?"

"I might be into guys?" Eddie says more as a question than an answer, but it still makes Buck's heart skip a beat. "I'm not sure," Eddie confesses. He pauses, eyes roaming over Buck before breathing out, "I think I might just be into you."

Buck's brain lags for a few seconds as he processes what he's been dreaming about hearing practically since he met Eddie. After replaying the words in his head a few times, he can't help but ask, "Might?" But before Eddie can answer, Buck leans over far enough to set his glass down and effectively crowd into Eddie's space, "Because I know a way for us to confirm that you're definitely into me."

"Is that so?" Eddie asks, an amused smile gracing his face. The hand on Buck's shoulder slowly yet firmly travels up his shoulder to the back of his neck. "Do you want to show me?"

Buck doesn't trust any words that are about to come out of his mouth, so he lets out a shaky breath and nods, already feeling his cheeks flush and his eyelashes flutter involuntarily.

Eddie raises his eyebrows at him, and they both share a moment of this is really about to happen.

As they move closer together, Buck is sure something is going to interrupt them - like an alarm or an unwanted knock on the door.

But Buck's nose brushes against Eddie's gently, and then there's a breath shared between them before their lips connect gently.

Buck breathes in sharply, heart pounding in his chest, and Eddie responds by weaving his other arm around Buck's waist and pulling him in deeper as if he's trying to make them one whole entity. And who is Buck to deny him his wish?

Buck suddenly remembers that he also has arms which he uses to cup Eddie's face, and then he backs them up until his back is suddenly colliding with Eddie's fridge.

Eddie pulls back momentarily to make sure he's okay, and Buck laughs breathlessly before pulling him back in.

It feels like his first time on the job as a firefighter, the first time he and Eddie truly worked together as a team, and the first time he met Christopher. It feels right.

Buck smiles so wide that he has to pull away with a laugh that sounds almost like a sob, but he doesn't try to stop the happy tears that escape - especially when he sees Eddie in a similar state.

They both stare at each other in disbelief for a moment as they laugh and pull each other into a hug.

"I definitely just like you," Eddie chokes out.

Buck laughs and squeezes Eddie a little tighter.

They linger in the hug for a few moments longer than they usually would, swaying slightly. They slowly pull back to look at each other before resting their foreheads together. “This is real, right?” Buck questions quietly.

He can feel Eddie nod before he says, “It better be.”

Buck laughs softly. He pulls back and notices a faraway look in Eddie’s eyes. “You okay?”

Eddie nods and looks down. “I just wish Chris was here for this. He would probably roll his eyes at me and tell me that you were right in front of me the whole time. Or maybe he’d also feel like an idiot for not realizing that you’re all we need.”

Buck cups Eddie’s face again and redirects his gaze at him. “Hey, we’ll get to know what he thinks soon, okay? In the meantime, don’t you think it’s better that we work out all the kinks of turning what we had into something more before getting Chris involved?”

Eddie nods and laughs softly. “Of course, you already want to fix what we have before it's really begun.”

“I’m the guy who likes to fix things,” Buck says with a smile. “But I don’t think there’s much to fix here, you know?”

“Other than the years of dates, kisses, and declarations of love that I need to make up for,” Eddie comments cheesily.

Buck cocks his head to the side and feels his cheeks turning red. “Wow. Eddie Diaz is a romantic.”

“For you, I sure am,” Eddie flirts.

Buck can almost hear Christopher groaning at the line. “Declarations of love?” Buck recalls out loud.

A pinch forms between Eddie’s brows. “Yeah. You know that I love you.”

Buck frowns and tilts his head. “Really? Because I don’t think we’ve ever truly said that to each other.”

Eddie looks off as if trying to recall every moment they’ve spent together. He frowns and looks at Buck. “Another thing that should’ve made things obvious to us.” Buck laughs as Eddie smiles and grabs his shoulder. “But, just so you’re totally aware, Evan… I love you.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks with a big smile, already pulling Eddie back in for another kiss.

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles against his lips.

A few moments later, Buck quickly pulls away and says, “I love you, too, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Buck laughs, “Good. But I’m still going to spend as long as I can proving to you that I love you more than you know. That I love you and Christopher more than you both know.”

Eddie smiles at him so sweetly that Buck almost forgets that he’s allowed to openly stare – more than that… he gets to openly stare at that smile forever. “And we’re going to do the same for you.” There’s a pause before Eddie gets a slight mischievous glint in his eye. “Just try to refrain from calling me ‘Bobby,’ okay?”

Buck sighs and rolls his eyes, pulling away to put his glass in the sink.

There’s a sudden loud chime, and a moment later Eddie gasps.

Buck turns to find Eddie turning the phone to him with a text from Christopher reading I’m ready to come home Dad. Love you.

“Scratch what we said about working out the kinks?” Buck says with a breathless laugh.

Eddie nods and kisses him. “Let’s go get our kid.”

[tarotwithlucien]

𝓨ou in the eyes of your future spouse | pick a pile

Hello everybody! Welcome to my first PAP on this account – it's also the first time I've done one about "future spouse", so I hope you like it and that it resonates with you! ♡

┈─★ Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only and shouldn't be taken seriously or used as a substitute for medical and professional advice. It's also a general reading, so it may or may not resonate with you.

┈─★ How to choose: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the image that catches your attention the most – trust your intuition.

── .✦ PILE 1

Shufflemancy: Moonlight/Sunrise - Rope and Ladder, It's Not The Same Anymore - Red Orange County, To - The Neighbourhood, Love Songs For The Haters - FLEECE & Maintain The Madness - The Jane Austin Argument.

Without a doubt your future spouse loves you – otherwise they wouldn't even marry you lol – and they are a protective partner towards you, so in general, they see you as someone they should protect and care for. Therefore, they can act as your knight in armor when you need it, as they are always ready to protect and defend you from all those who try to hurt you.

They also view your relationship dynamics as if you are the sun and the moon – for some of you reading this pile, you are more the moon and your future spouse is the sun or vice versa. Your future spouses see you as a beautiful and attractive person – as if you were a mermaid who mesmerizes them with your enchanting beauty. And one of the physical features they love most about you in general are your eyes because, in the eyes of your future partner, they shine in a way that they have never seen before with anyone. Not only do your eyes shine, but in your future partner's vision, you light up their entire life. Before you met and were together, they saw life in a gray way due to the adversities they faced on a daily basis and, thanks to you, they felt life gain more color, they felt love and it was as if their eyes open themselves up to everything they had never experienced before in their lives.

You probably met early and one of the things they love most is being able to look at old photos you took – whether it was when you first met, when you started dating or just photos of you together in general – and admire how you used to be and they probably compare themselves to the old version of themselves in the photo and it's really funny because you could be looking at your photos together and they laughs, points to their face in the photo and says something like “wow, I was weird ” and it’s a really cute moment between you two. They feels nostalgic in these moments and really misses that time, because unfortunately it doesn't come back and all that remains are memories – and fortunately they are good.

In the eyes of your future partner, you are going through a difficult time in your life. It's not just your partner who is a nostalgic person, you are too and you probably remember the times when your life was easier and compare it to the difficult life you have now – like when you were children, for example. They also see that you are tired and stressed about the way things in your life are – for example, you may work long hours at jobs you don't like just so you can pay the bills at the end of the month, you have to put up with people you hate and it even seems like you let people step on you so that problems don't occur (you can be people-pleasers too) and your biggest victory of the day is going home and sleeping, all while repressing what you're feeling and putting on a fake smile. Your future spouse is your family and they can tell when you are feeling bad and they think that you are being too hard on yourselves and that you may not want to admit it, but you need to seek professional help. So, if this is your case, don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help! This is destroying your mental health, pile one, please take care of yourselves!! Stop bottling up your feelings, process them, let them go, and then stand back. Do this for yourself.

Your future spouse knows you better than you know yourself – they know what to do or say to make you feel good and are careful about what not to do or say to avoid hurting you or making you feel worse. In their view, sometimes you can end up projecting your problems onto them, but they continue to love you regardless of your flaws – just be careful that this doesn't become a toxic trait that will affect your relationship. They may have met many girls/boys before meeting you, but none of these people compare to you! This whole time in their lives, they never needed anyone, they never felt the need to have someone by their side – on the contrary, they used to be the type of person who went out to a party/bar and flirted with people just to feel good/attractive. But, from the moment they met you, things changed completely and seemed to turn upside down. Just being away from you makes your future partner's heart sink. You make them feel good.

That was all, pile one! I hope you enjoyed it and that this reading resonated with you. Don't forget to take care of yourself and seek professional help if you need it, otherwise your future partner will hit you lol

── .✦ PILE 2

Shufflemancy: Room - Ethan Tasch, Ode To a Conversation Stuck In Your Throath - Del Water Gap, Epiphany - Stained, 976-Evil - Deftones & Tulsa Jesus Freak - Lana Del Rey.

In the view of your future spouses, you are a person who doesn't like to fight in your relationship and who tends to avoid conflicts so as not to cause major problems. You may even end up staying quiet instead of taking a stand on something that bothered you and your future partners also think that you can't express yourself very well through words. It's okay not to want to fight in a relationship, because who does? But, you must understand that some conflicts are necessary and need to happen, so don't run away from them, position yourself and choose your battles well – you don't need to fight over stupid things either lol.

In the eyes of your future partner, you are a disorganized person – the type who leaves their clothes scattered all over the floor or easily forgets where their left their things because everything around them is just a mess – and they think this is just a reflection of how you are feeling inside and how your mind is going. In fact, they may think that your inability to communicate effectively in the relationship is due to problems such as depression or anxiety. Regardless of what your case may be, your future partners notice this and care about you, they accept you exactly as you are and they will not leave you in this difficult time. You may be facing mental health problems, which leave you tired and without energy to do basic tasks like tidying your room and that's okay, just don't forget to take good care of yourself and, if necessary, seek professional help as it will be very beneficial for you!

For some of you reading this pile, before you finally became a couple, you and your future partner were best friends and all this time they tried to convince themselves that you were just that, but deep down they wanted to be tying you to the bed 🤭. They really wanted you and things are no different now. You also seem to be a popular couple who attract the attention of other people wherever you go, as if you were a celebrity couple or just people who are very loved by others.

In general, your future spouse is very jealous and possessive of you, so they want to be the only ones who can touch you in this way and just imagining people other than them touching your body the way they love to touch you so much chills down their spine lol. Just like in pile one, one of the physical features they love most are your eyes and they love just looking at them. One of the activities they love to do with you is traveling – in fact, any time they can spend time with you makes them happy. Your future spouse is so cute, because in the moments when they notice you are down, they do everything they can to make you laugh or just smile. In their view, in moments when you're feeling bad, you tend to walk away just to calm down - and for some reading this pile, this could apply to your future partner.

That was all, pile two! I really hope you enjoyed this reading and that it resonated with you. Just like in pile one, don't forget to take care of yourself and seek professional help if necessary 😠

── .✦ PILE 3

Shufflemancy: White Roses - Greyson Chance, Nervous Young Inhumans - Car Seat Headrest, I'll Follow You Into The Dark - Miya Folick, Uzumaki - Softcut & Dancing In The Moonlight - alt-J

Your future spouse is totally devoted and blind with love for you, pile three! In the eyes of your future partner, they can't live without you and they can't even imagine what their life would be like if they didn't have you by their side. It seems like from the first moment you met, just by looking at you, they felt attracted and didn't waste any time, they went to ask you out on a date lol. Just like the future spouses in pile two, your future partners are also jealous, the only difference is that they seem to be more jealous than the partners in the previous pile, because just seeing you going out, having fun with your friends without them around your side already makes them jealous.

The future spouses in this pile think that you still don't know all sides of them even though you are together. They may have red flags that you haven't noticed or ignore, so it's good to be careful. They may have addictions like alcohol or drugs, they may have bad habits, they may be overly possessive/jealous, controlling, aggressive or end up giving you the silent treatment or distancing you from them when you fight or there is a problem going on in your life as a couple – and maybe that's why you feel the need to walk on eggshells in your relationship to try to prevent your partner from acting that way towards you, which isn't cool. If for any reason you are uncomfortable, they disrespect your boundaries or you simply no longer want to be in the relationship, don't be afraid to walk away!

Because of what I mentioned above, your future spouses see you as someone who doesn't raise their voice in a fight, who doesn't point the finger in their face when they're wrong - they see you as someone who basically never showed their bad side to them. In their view, you understand them. Your future partners may also be individualistic and not have a black and white view of life – that is, they do not follow concepts such as “good” and “bad” and usually only do what is beneficial for them. Furthermore, they usually give back to others what they first received or what they think others deserve. But when it comes to you, it's different. It seems like they control themselves and use the power they have to give you what is good – they know they can affect your life, so they choose to affect it in a positive way. In my opinion they are weird, ngl lol.

Even though I think they're weird lmao, they would be willing to go through hell with you if necessary. They would be with you in times when no one else would be and they would be your refuge, ready to hug you and comfort you.

That was all, pile three! I really hope you enjoyed it and that the reading resonated with you. Be careful with emotional dependence, don't be afraid to set boundaries and, if necessary, let go of relationships that no longer serve you! Until the next PAP ♡

© tarotwithlucien - don't copy, redistribute or edit my content | DIVIDERS

[softshuji]

You're starting to believe Shion doesn't have the capacity to be mad at you,

and it makes you a little angry when you've done something wrong, and he can only click his tongue and say 'I don't mind, I'll sort it out' and he's on his hands and knees picking up the shards of the broken glass now scattered over the kitchen floor.

He might nick his own palms with a wince, but he diligently grabs the broom and sweeps the flints up before you can comment on how you should have been doing it.

He turns up with a replacement the next day and it finds a home next to the others, as if it had never happened in the first place. And he never gets mad, never yells, never speaks negatively even if you deserve it, even if you're pushing his buttons and being irritating, he can only smile.

You crash your car, you lose your handbag, you set the smoke alarm off, you get into trouble constantly and he has nothing to say except, 'it's okay, it'll be fine' and you're torn between believing maybe that he doesn't have the capacity to get mad at all with you,

or maybe he doesn't care enough to do so. Anger is passion after all, isn't that what they all say?

You've taken to doing more reckless things just to get a reaction that isn't the softhearted and loving smile thrown towards you whenever you drop something and send the pieces flying and you hate yourself a little bit every time when you know he's being so kind, and you'd be devastated if he wasn't.

That's always the thing about him- and the rules are different for you.

He doesn't take you to gang meetings often and they call him 'mad dog' when you're not around and it baffles the others (ran and Rindou especially) that his girlfriend is a sweet, innocent, intuitive thing that dotes on him every day- enough for you to send him out with home cooked lunches that don't give him stomach aches. Though he'll never admit he gets them at all, he's never really been one to complain at anything.

If anything they're a little jealous. How can someone as 'unput together' as him bag a girl like that?

You would have a mind to tell them exactly how if you ever knew that conversation had happened- but he makes a point to keep 'all that gang shit' away from you anyway. He likes your little corner, the slice of domestic life that you offer him where he can perhaps be something else, where he gets to be the man in charge for once, where you don't mind that he is sometimes hard to put up with (his words, you'd never believe that). His dear girlfriend is a saving grace at the end of the day when he kicks off his shoes at the door and heaves a big sigh, scratching his hair as he slides off his jacket and misses the bannister when he throws it onto the wood cornering the stairway.

He is too good at the centre of it all. You don't and have never felt at all ashamed of being his girlfriend, or his girl, or anything,

and the snickers don't bother you when you know who he really is and what he really means. People have always chosen to see exactly what they want to, why would this be any different?

But you can't lie and say the guilt isn't eating you at all, when you provide so little to him in the way of his life. To him, he might not be the Haitani's but to you that's never mattered. You like the simplicity of him, and duplicitous feelings have never been your forte because he's always been so upfront about his feelings for you. He likes you, he loves you, he makes it known all the time and you wonder if you really do enough when he is so forgiving and you're under no illusions that maybe he isn't like the others, but it doesn't mean another woman won't want him if he left you. He's still part of the biggest gang in the country, and you know that counts for something.

It's making you a little sick when you think about it again- the concept of him not caring enough to be pissed off at you when you deserve it, of being so quick to defend you, even when you have done something wrong.

Like today, when you're deliberately being tetchy with him, sketchy and evasive and he's prodding in the gentle way of his to find the root of the issue, and it burns you a little inside when he trails after you- a puppy following an owner- with your discarded jacket in hand, clothes kicked off and left on the floor.

'You going to tell me what's wrong or not?' he says, bending to pick up your shirt as you round the corner to the bedroom. It makes his heart quake inside when he thinks about it. Are you not happy enough with him? Do you not love him? Is he doing something wrong? If so, how can he fix this?

'Mhmmm no, no nothing's wrong,' you say airily, as if nothing is and you miss how his eyebrows crunch towards your back as you slip off the rest of your clothes and pick up your discarded robe from the tower of them on the chair.

And you hate that you're being like this for no reason, or rather a reason you can't discern in any easy way when you know he doesn't deserve this, when he's been more than attentive to you over time. You're lucky in a way few others are. When you meet with friends and they talk on and on about husbands and boyfriends that it sounds like they don't love at all- all the issues, all the nagging that you can't relate to and you curse yourself for ruining what others would kill to have, albeit unintentionally.

'You're being funny.' He folds your clothes and leaves them on the chair, filling a glass of water for you as you both pass the kitchen.

'Funny how?'

'Weird, like you're upset.'

'You think so?'

You hate the evasive game. You hate even more that he can probably see through it so easily. He's always been like that. The other's call him airheaded, but he's never forgotten a thing about you.

'I know so. Can you tell me what's wrong?'

You turn, a look over your shoulder to him in the doorway, fiddling with his hands, a little lost, a little adrift, the worried and anxious tilt of his brows matched by the bite to his lower lip and it aches inside when you know you're the cause, when it hurts because of that fact. You love him, but where is that love meant to go when you have so much of it? When you wonder one day whether he's coming back, whether he's staying or dying in another man's battle, when you know his loss would tear something in you that you could never heal.

Your mouth forms the words before you have time to catch up with it, and it comes off seamlessly when you say 'I'm sorry,' and he frowns in that way he does, his brows pinching, the slight curl of his blond hair framing his cheeks, a strand or two falling over his tattoo away from the fray.

'Huh? What for?' he says, now shutting the door behind him, your glass of water and painkillers for the headaches you get left on the nightstand.

Clockwork.

You're a fish when you open your mouth, close it again and turn wordlessly towards the dresser to pick up a hairbrush, mumbling a "nothing, forget it," that has his ears pricking up, expecting him to take the bait and leave you to sulk on your own, the kicked puppy attitude that you hate you still show even now.

His hip brushes the dresser when he comes up to you now, pulls the hairbrush from your hand with a noise of indignation at the back of your throat, before tossing it onto the bed, your wrists now encircled in his bigger hands, his thumbs finding the dips over your knuckles seamlessly.

"no."

"no?"

"no, it's not nothing, and you can tell me." A beat. "I want you to tell me." 

And your cheeks burn with heat, a fiery ice that licks at your neck when his thumbs come to rest on the incline of your wrists, a knowing look in his eyes with an eyebrow raised. And you avoid his gaze for a moment, settling it on the dresser, on the corner where the paint is chipping and the wood is exposed and he lifts a hand to tilt your head, your chin between his thumb and forefinger, till you stubbornly turn back to him with a pout.

‘Sorry,’ you say, your lip pulled by your teeth, bitten down and reddened, an anxious bite that he presses down on your lip to stop, the edge of his thumb skimming the dip in your chin. 

‘You’re saying it again without telling me what it’s for,’ he says now, hands slipping down to your waist that he pulls till it’s flush with his own. ‘I wanna know what has my Dear girlfriend so sad.’

‘I just feel stupid y’know? I’ve been shitty to you recently, and you haven’t gotten mad at me once, and it makes me feel guilty when you don’t.’

He frowns, a crease to his brows that you resist the urge to smooth over with your fingers. ‘You want me to get mad at you?’

‘Yes! I- well no, but just- don’t you get mad at me?’

‘No, why would I?’

‘Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you love me?’

He shakes his head, incredulous, a stunned and pained expression flitting over the warm apples of his cheeks. ‘Of course I love you, but what does that have to do with anything?’ His grip tightens on your hips, a slow rock and thud against his own as he smooths circles into the slip of skin between your shirt and pants.

‘Well, people get angry at who they love sometimes, and you don’t, so that might mean…’

‘That I don’t love you? Is that what you’re saying?’ he says, the inflection at the end that betrays his hurt, the worried and hushed flash of pain glimmering in his eyes where the reflection of you avoids his gaze. You don’t speak again, opting to stare at the ground, your feet, the one spot on the carpet with the immovable stain that never lifts. 

The silence seems to stretch, a quiet so loud that your ears ring with it, yawning on till he breaks it with a ‘I’m not sure who told you that but they were an idiot.’

Your head snaps up, apprehension and unease creeping along your skin. ‘What do you mean?’

And he laughs somehow, his eyes creasing, the sharp edges of his teeth revealed with the curve of a smile, lowering his head till it rests against yours, the edge of his blond hair tickling your cheek. ‘You’re so silly sometimes y’know?’

‘Huh?’ you say stiffly, a warning bell ringing lightly against your ears, a little ashamed, a little pressured despite yourself, even though you're the one who started it, you're a deer in headlights at the soft easiness of him. Maybe it would be easier if he burned through you, if he bared his fangs and bit straight into you - in the way you know would take a long time to nurse. 

And he laughs harder somehow, a little giggle that provokes your own, a light and hesitant laugh that has you prickling with self consciousness. 'What are you laughing at? What's so funny?' 

'You! You are!' And he raises his hands around your shoulders, a light shake of them as his breath ghosts over your Cupid's now, warm, sweet and scented with the undertone of menthol. You catch the reflection of yourself in the vanity to the side- you're puffy, cheeks puffed out, eyes watery, not your best by any means, especially when you angle in the way that shows the scar on your shoulder - a horrifying sight really, and you lift your cami to hide it , as if you ever can, as if it still matters this many years later.

And he softens, that glimmer in his eyes, a faint click of his tongue before you're pulled- gently still, into the warmth of his chest, your cheek squished against the soft linen of his shirt now creased from the day, your hands somehow instinctively finding purchase on his back where the muscle slips and slides underneath his skin, all sinewy flesh that feels warm and alive under your hands. 

'Y'know…..' he starts, a rumble of his voice that ruminates against your earlobe, one hand coming up to rub at your back, the other still firmly on your hip pulled flush to his. 'Sometimes I do get angry at you, but it never means anything, never changes anything.'

Your voice is a whisper against his skin, your breath curling along the exposed flesh of his arm where your lips skim across now, faint freckles and marks now pressed to your mouth. 'You do?'

'Mhm, sometimes. When you do reckless things, when you don't take care of yourself, when you don't talk about what you like because you don't think you should.' 

A hot fiery ice thunders into your veins and your neck prickles with embarrassment. 'I do that?' 

'You do. It's like you don't think you ought to take up any space, like you feel bad for wanting things.' 

'Oh.' 

'But it doesn't mean I don't love you. You're my girlfriend aren't you? Just because I don't get mad at you doesn't mean I don't love you. It's because I love you that I don't get mad.'

'But other people say-'

He pulls you back, his lips ghosting over your forehead, hands coming to cup at your cheeks, tenderly, the knuckle dusters and rings left forgotten on the bedside table. 'I don't care what people say. Loving you will never make me angry, or mad, or anything like that and whoever told you that was a loser.' 

'But…..' 

'No buts. It's either love you as you are, or lose you all together.' He shrugs, the glint of eyes now pearly and glimmering with a soft rosy shine. 'It seems like an easy choice to make.' 

You look away, a lick of heat making a slow crawl along your neck. 'Oh.' And you move from foot to foot self consciously, a hand coming up to scratch at your neck. You wonder in times like this, whether it bothers him to constantly give you this reassurance that comes so easily and often, when you doubt him and it has you shameful, and you find that he never relents in neverending love. 

Why would he? You're his dear girlfriend and that's the way he likes it.

Happy bday to my darlin' ❤️

Reblogs appreciated!

[dead-boys-club]

†  my idol : hawks.

❥ scenario: hawks and his idol s/o. ❥ no triggers; not rated. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ requested!

❥ be thankful i don't write nsfw c: + idk if someone's gonna get all offended over this, so i'll say now, there's a lot of fan slander in this lol talking about crazy fans, stalker fans, etc.

✧*̥˚ hc type things *̥˚✧

can i just start with this would actually be one of the cutest pairings for him?

let me start off with saying that he is absolutely going to be your number one fan. he's going to be so proud of your achievements as an idol. his schedule as a hero would make it difficult but he'd do his best to attend events and concerts, anything he could squeeze through. he'd be offering quite a good amount of public praise, making sure you knew he supported you along every step of the way. at no point would he be embarrassed or ashamed - he's doing everything he can not to be in the air with his lightstick, let's be real.

there is one thing he may have trouble navigating and helping you to navigate: balance. keigo is used to an overly busy life but the moment he sees your schedule, he's realizing it's never actually been that bad. he's immediately going to be asking if you're even taking care of yourself - if you know anything about kpop idol lifestyles, you'll know the concern is very much warranted - but he's going to be worried. however, he would respect it and your choice to pursue such a lifestyle, doing his best to help with making sure you're okay, helping with the pressures of fame and whatnot. his biggest concern, outside of your health, is going to be the privacy of your relationship. with both of you being so well known, the last thing he wants is your personal life to be put on a chopping block and make things even more difficult.

keigo often makes the comments of 'if i can' or 'possibly' when you ask if he'll be at an event but he does his best to show up and surprise you. even if he can't stay, he's there long enough to bring flowers or a small gift, reminding you that even if he's not there, he's still cheering you on. amidst busy schedules, he would do his best - even if it just meant sending a feather your way.

if anything, keigo is considerably patient. he can't exactly get mad at your busy schedule when his own isn't all that empty. you would both have to work with accommodations. and he'd totally have some silly, flirty comment about sneaking around. you'd have a moderate amount of quality time together, even if it meant him dragging you out of a window in the early hours. willingly, ofc.

he would be very, very protective when it comes to your privacy and personal space. fame attracts unwanted attention and he knows that; he doesn't want you to face something because of it. and, if i'm honest, i don't think many people would be too stupid to mess with you - the last thing they'd want to face is him being pissed off. he would definitely use his influence to aid in the overwhelming media and fans that don't know boundaries.

✧*̥˚ little things *̥˚✧

❥ spiderman kisses: not exactly the same but it's something he does when he's in a hurry and you're not supposed to be out. the first time he did it, he almost hit his head on the balcony railing. he honestly didn't expect kissing someone upside down to be so challenging.

❥ voicemails: god, you both have so many voicemails saved from each other. you've sent plenty to him of song snippets and sitting in the corner of the recording studio. he generally sends little rambles while flying, telling about his day and random things he's thought of. plus, always asking how you are, checking in on you.

❥ feathers: it's a cliche in writing for hawks but, i can't deny it's fitting. he's going to have a feather on you when you're within range for it to matter. it's how he makes sure you're doing okay.

❥ little notes: hawks likes to leave little notes for you when you part. hidden within your bag, between your clothes, etc. he generally knows your schedule but his own can be unpredictable. so, when you'll be away for a little while, he likes to leave you things you can read and have with you.

❥ keepsake boxes: about a year into being together, while out on a little break, you came across a section of little wooden boxes at a shop. it was a date night that you both sat and decorated them together, keeping all the notes, trinkets, stubs, etc in.

✧*̥˚ small scenario *̥˚✧

keigo landed at the venues back entrance the moment the door opened, his wings fluttering a bit when his feet touched the ground. the moment you popped out and smiled brightly, he couldn't help but pull you into his arms, squeezing softly before you could even speak.

'hey, pretty bird,' you greeted, voice full of excitement.

'hey, superstar.' keigo cooed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 'ready for a much needed break from the spotlight?'

all it took was a nod for him to scoop you up into his and lift up into the night sky. you were used to it, just holding onto him and closing your eyes, letting your mind rest from the rush of performing, just wanting to be normal for a while.

the flight didn't last too long and soon enough, you were carefully being set down on a secluded rooftop. out of habit, you left his side to approach the edge, looking over the city with bright eyes, sparkling even more in the moonlight.

taking a deep breath, you stretched your arms up. 'this is so amazing, it's so pretty up here,' you sighed, turning on your heel to look towards him. 'you know.. does it make me sound bad to say i like that i can gloat about private stargazing sessions with the number two hero?'

keigo let out a soft laugh as he spread out the plush blanket, shrugging. 'would it make me sound bad to say the same thing about you?' he asked, gesturing you over. 'thought it'd be a nice change from the usual post show routines. less people.'

as both of you settled on the blanket, lying side by side, you enjoyed the distant, dulled hum of the city. it was a nice change from being crammed into a van or just going home to rest, both of you needed something nice every now and then.

the blond spoke first, head turning to look at you. 'how was the show? anything memorable happen?'

you shrugged, not taking your gaze away from the stars. 'just the usual. overzealous fans wanting attention, the offhanded comment during the meet.. i'm pretty sure one of them is convinced we're going to get married? which, i can't complain.. i used to sit and think that about heroes and idols and stuff when i'm was younger but still.'

laughing, his eyes lit up with amusement. 'sounds like you're handling fame pretty well. i've dealt with my fair share of -- is it wrong to call fans 'crazies'? mine just usually come with the whole 'save me from the villain' request when there's.. no real villain.'

'nah, i don't consider the ones who act like that real fans.. i think real fans respect boundaries, don't you think?' you responded, a hand raising up to reach for the sky, fingers wiggling. 'i'm sure dealing with supervillains is a lot more fun than dealing with autograph requests. i wouldn't trade you though, i enjoy what i do.'

'fair, yeah.' keigo sighed, reaching up to collect your hand. 'we both have our ways of brightening people's days. even if it means dealing with a couple of weirdos.'

silence fell over the rooftop for a moment, enjoying each other's company under the beauty of the night sky.

'i was thinking,' he began, gingerly playing with your fingers, 'we should do this more often. escape the chaos, find quiet moments like this.'

finally, you turned your head to look at him, leaning close enough to bump your noses together. 'that would be nice.. sounds like a dream to relax and spend time together without a million eyes on us.'

'so, what do you say? more rooftop dates?'

you smiled, squeezing his hand. 'as long as you keep flying us up to spots like this, i'm one hundred percent in.'

with that, you closed your eyes and he looked back towards the sky, just enjoying the time before you were putting on the news as missing and he was unavailable. the conversation drifted around from playful jokes and confessions, little flirty comments and sweet thoughts. it didn't last forever but anything was better than nothing.

[heyhihellosworld]

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨

Lando Norris x OC Alice Davies

Word Count: 7.6k

Summary: Childhood friends too...?

Warnings: People changing, friendship ending, breakup, very brief smut, Angst!

Notes: Never written for Lando before but this idea seemed fitting for him soo. Also this is not an x reader story but an OC because it felt right and the OC is completely made up, names found on google's first page lol. It's soooo long too hehe. This fic needed so much research and I'm sure it's not all correct, but it is fanfiction, and also it's angstyyyy, probably not a happy ending, sry

2005 Hampshire

"Lando Norris, what are you doing?!" Cisca yelled over the small yard causing the young boy to stop in his tracks. His hand still in Alice's hair as he was in the middle of pulling her to the ground.

"She took my car!" Lando tried to argue but Cisca looked furiously at her young son. "Take your hands out from her hair!"

Lando slowly untangled his hands from Alice's long strands and turned to his mother, having the decency to look slightly ashamed.

He glanced at his younger friend, her face holding a soft pout and her eyes spilling over with tears as she tried to hold them back. Lando always felt guilty when she looked like that, especially when it was his doing.

"Say sorry to Alice!" Lando's mom ordered, the small boy lifting his eyes slightly "Am sorry Alice" he spoke, feeling small under his mothers hard gaze. "You never pull her hair again, okay?"

"Okay, sorry" he muttered, turning around to follow his mother towards the house.

As he started walking he felt sadness creep onto him, he felt sad his mother was angry at him and that Alice had that expression on her face, it was the same one she had when the boys at school poked fun at her or when she knocked at their door because her parents were fighting again. He hated to be the one making her look like that.

Just as the feeling took a hold of him he felt a small hand on his, his head turning to meet Alice's smile, her hand opening his and gently dropping the small car in his palm. It was his favourite which was why she always teased him with it. "I'm sorry I took your car"

"It's okay, as long as you're not mad at me" Lando smiled. His eyes fleeting around before he found what he was looking for, running to the small row of flowers and picking the prettiest one before running back to Alice, hand offering the blue flower.

Her smile split her face open, she loved flowers, especially blue flowers. The girl wrapped her arms around her friend, thanking him with a soft giggle.

Soon enough the two kids happily strutted on, arms around eachother and Cisca looked at them with a fond smile as the kids where all happy again, playing tag in the green grass.

They were innocent, small and new to the world. If only it would always be this easy to forgive and forget.

2006 TeamSport Go track

Alice watched with longing eyes as she watched her friend in the go-kart. It was a competition hense why she was not allowed to join, she didn't necesarily want to compete but she liked to kart and Lando did too. So much he had told his friend he was gonna drive in formula when he got older, he was gonna be in f1 and win the championship.

It was already done

"Are you sure that's possible?" Alice had asked quietly, not to upset him but just because it meant he wouldn't be here, with her forever.

But Lando had told her that of course it was posible and maybe she didn't understand now because she was younger. She was in fact born a year later but she was only barely two months younger, something she had held for herself as she looked at the seven year old boy, his goal already set.

Done and dusted.

It was naive to think that they would spend all summers and years like this even if he wasn't in formula one but it was her thoughts, the underlying inevitable. She didn't want to seperate from him, ever. He was everything she needed and everything she always would need, that she knew.

Even if she was only six.

2008 Hampshire

The sun was bathing on the young girl, her hair sticking out in every directions after their dip in the water, despite the warmth she had a warm smile etched on her face. Laughing with Lando as he threw water on her, chasing her down until she stumbled face first into the cold water.

This was the first time in a long time the two bestfriends were together again. Lando had been busy with his karting and Alice had not been able to follow him around.

The girl squeeled as she found herself underwater, the waves keeping her from the surface as she struggled to get air again. Panic settled in her body before Lando gently pulled her up to the surface, chuckling as she choked on the water she had inhaled. His laughter though, stopped immideately as he watched her face morph from coughing to crying.

"Lando, that was scary" she sobbed softly, wading up to the beach again as Lando followed. He liked teasing the girl but he hated it when he took it to far and she got sad.

"I'm sorry Alice" he pouted, reaching out to help her sort her towel out as it was crumpled to pieces as she tried to smothen it out but she just slapped his hand away.

Lando stood helplessly and watched his friend dry her tears, folding her arms over her chest stubbornly. "I am sorry Alice" Lando said again but her eyes narrowed at him

"I will pick you a flower on our way back" he pleaded, knowing that was gonna make her forgive him, it always did. "Fine, but it's gotta be pretty" she said, a smile slowly forming on her face as he finally relaxed. "Of course" Lando grinned before throwing himself on her towel, pushing her off it as they laughed.

2010 Hampshire

"What do you want to be?"

The question came unexpected and the small girl pouted her lips in thought. Her eyes watching her friend who sat on the soft grass, hand picking on the strands in a way she wanted to tell him off for.

"A vet, a teacher or maybe a doctor" she rambled, Lando giggled, not to poke fun at her but because she looked so deep in thought over this simple question.

Lando already knew his dreams and had always done, it was all they talked about but lately he had pondered about her, had she ever told him? He didn't think so.

It was quite for a little while which made the young girl frown, the silence getting to her, she didn't like silence after she had said something so instead she snapped at Lando.

"Stop picking on the grass, you are destroying it" she muttered sharply, the brunettes hand immideately stopping his assualt on the gren strands. "Sorry" he muttered

Alice gave him a small smile, apologizing. "I think whatever it is you're gonna be great" Lando spoke, gathering the grass he had picked into a pile and blowing it in his friends face.

"Lando!" she half yelled half laughed as she launched over him, pining the laughing brit into the grass, smudging his face with a few strands she had gathered. "Alice!" he laughed, trying to squirm out of her grasp but he didn't have much of a upper-hand to the girl who giggled with him.

2013 Ortona Italy

"You did it!" Alice grinned at her friend as he ran into her open arms, hugging her close to him as he giggled. "I did it" he mumbled into her soft hair. "I told you it was posible! I told you I would do it!" Lando laughed, overjoyed with the result and the win. Alice only giggled, she knew too, she knew anything he set his mind to he could do.

"Karting European Championship winner" he mumbled, smiling as the words reached his ears. This was the beginning, the very beginning to something so much bigger, to his dreams.

Alice watched his smile all afternoon as they celebrated with a big dinner in their rented house. The sun falling beutifully outside of the open deck. The grill was on and their mothers were going around filling up peoples glasses and hugging Lando every chance they got. Everybody was proud, everybody was happy.

It was one of the best days Alice could remember, not an ounce of bad mood everything light hearted and domestic in a way she never realised until years later, looking back at that afternoon.

Sitting with Lando on the edge of the landstrip down to the water, listening to him talk about his race, his dreams his passion as they munched on some sweets they had stolen from the big oak table.

Time seemed to float together as they sat there, feets gently tapping in the water, hands interwined and bodies close to the other. It was the first time they kissed, the two young teenagers to caught up in their own little bubble. To hung up on the sweet love they had always shared for eachother to even realize what kind of territority they stepped into.

2014 World Championship Karting

He could spot her from miles away, her bright smile lightning up in the crowd in front of him. She was the first one with him, the first one aproaching with her arms wide open.

Lando laughed into her embrace as she smiled like an idiot "I'm so happy for you Lando, you are so good!" she praised, his heart swelling twice it's size at her voice and words. "Thank you" he whispererd, meaning it.

When he pulled away from her embrace he had to go back to the track, his friends immideately hogging him up.

"Congrats" George smiled. Lando grinned back, thanking him as he walked with the others to their cars, gathering all of their stuff to go home.

"Hey Lando" Max asked making the boy pull back a little to get even steps with the dutch boy. "Huh?" he questioned, watching his friend pull a slight face. "Just, that girl that is always with you, who is she?" Lando was too stunned to speak, he knew they had grown a lot, to the point were girls and relationship was a hot topic. Someone who had before only been a playmate was now someone people gawked at, rating and thinking up things with. It had been drastic and Lando often thought it got a bit too much.

But he couldn't deny the obvious, the feelings and the thoughts that sometimes bubbled up despite his liking. Alice had grown up to be a beutiful girl, she had always been in Lando's eyes but not in the way he now realized and it hadn't dawned on him that othes thought the same.

Spread laughter sounded around them "Mate, careful" George joked and Max's eyes rolled "Just wondering mate"

"Alice?" Lando stuttered, wanting to scream when Max nodded. She was often with Lando but had never cared for his karting-friends, saying they weren't her type even though she had only watched them from afar.

"Well she is my friend?"

"Friend?" Max repeated "So you are not together?"

Lando conteplated lying but he shook away the thoughts "No, she is my childhood friend"

"Well she is hot"

Lando swallowed hard, gritting his teeth togehter as he didn't say anything else but Max watched him, seeing the obvious discomfort and dislike to his friends comments and decided to let it go, Lando was a good friend and he understood Alice was important for him and he didn't want to step on anyones toes.

"She seems nice, that's all" Max concluded, patting his friend comfortingly on his shoulder before letting the topic change back to the race.

Lando tried to get into the joking mood but he couldn't really let his thoughts move on from Alice. Did she have a boyfriend? It wouldn't surprise him if she had, because she was..hot?

Lando battled with his thoughts. He didn't know, Alice had always been Alice. Nothing more nothing less, feelings had never even been questioned, love as more than friends had never been brought up, not necesary because they were them, togehter. The only time something like it had been talked about was when their mothers joked about them getting married.

Well they had kissed... but still

Was this all as confusing for her as it was for him? Did she have multiple suitors chattting her up and asking her on dates? Lando had no idea. Of all the things they spoke about this was a topic they had never even touched, never felt the need to.

"Come on man, go to your girlfriend" George joked, shoving him towards Alice who stood with his family, an uncertain smile forming on his face.

2014 Costwolds

His eys watched her as she helped his mom set the table. She was wearing a white flowy summerdress, the fabric flowing in the wind. His mom had helped her fix her hair with a flower and she looked absolutely stunning, with that wide smile on her face.

He couldn't pin it down to when she went from his cute best friend to this, to Alice. A young, mature beutiful woman, someone he felt a lot for and not only platonic feelings. Of course this was strictly hidden. After their little kiss nothing else had surfaced, nothing even close to happening. They had brushed it away.

He couldn't help it tough, he was also getting older, close to sixteen now and feelings did surface, thoughts he wasn't proud of circled in his head and he wondered if she had the same thoughts or if it was just his mind that was sick.

"What are you doing?" Alice laughed softly at him as he stood like frozen on the grass. Blinking rapidly as he shrugged, playing it off like always "Nothing, I was just thinking you know?"

"Really, thinking? Seems like out of usual, no?"

He pulled a grimace at her joke, but it soon turned into a smile as her laughter filled his ears. What a sappy sap he was and he hated himself for it. If any of his friends would see him now they would laugh in his face.

"You wanna come with me to pick flowers for the table?"

"Sure" he nodded, following her out of the main door and out on the field behind Alice's house. Her parents had gotten divorced a year ago, her father moving abroad for work whilst her mother stayed with her.

They had newly been able to pull this house, a beutiful small cute little home more on the countryside with fields and forests close by. It was peaceful, comfortable and beutiful, Lando thought it fitted Alice perfectly.

"What is on your mind today? You seem so distant" she pondered softly, her hair falling in her face as she plucked a beutiful pink flower from the field. "I don't know" he shrugged.

"Then talk to me" she smiled gently as she popped the flower into her basket.

"Do you... do you ever feel..." he couldn't figure out the right words to finish his sentence, "Feel? Of course??" she deadpanned and Lando let out a soft chuckle "No, I mean have you ever felt... like... romantic feelings for anyone?"

Alice scrunched her face up as she looked at her friend. "Do you have a girl I don't know of?" she asked, offended. "But I guess?"

Lando's face heated up, hands pressing against his cheeks as he sat down in the grass. "No no I don-wait you have?"

Suddenly his stomach filled with dread, did she have someone he didn't know of?

"I think so but it's a bit weird"

Lando couldn't say anything more before she spoke again, cutting him off. "Please go on, who is this? What are you feeling, it's okay you know"

Lando removed his palms from his cheeks, taking a deep breath. He felt almost overwhelmed by her calm sweet voice, gently nudging him on.

"Well I don't know, I am so unsure on it because it's... it's someone I've known for so long and I am not sure how I got to feel more than friendship. I have no idea if she likes me back but it's just getting clearer and clearer that I can't supress that I feel more and more every day"

Alice only nodded along his fast words, trying to comprehend and figure out who this was. She felt the same, it was a bit complicated because being friends forever made it a bit tricky to point out what was what.

She tried to keep an even face, not to let him know too obviously that her heart slowly cracked at his words, he liked someone else?

His eyes met Alice's, taking another deep breath

"It's you"

2015 Hampshire

"I know" she repeated, it was all she said as she dragged Lando over the grass to the deck where she had been sitting all morning.

"What? You know what?" Lando asked confused, trying to make sense of her enthusiasm and rapid words.

She let go of his hand as they reached the small decktable, the oak scattered with papers, drawing, documents, all kinds of stuff and it didn't make Lando any wiser of what she wanted with all this.

"I know what I wanna do!" she exclaimed, excitment written all over her, from the way her eyes shone, the way her hand gestured over the papers and to how fast she talked and how she practially bounced up and down on the floor.

"Oh?" Lando asked, leaning forwards to see her papers. This had been a big deal for Alice, ever since he brought it up when they were ten she had been pondering over it. It was no stress and she knew that but for some reason, maybe because Lando knew his dream since the age of six, she felt the need to know.

"I want to be a diplomat!"

Lando fell quiet, too stunned to speak. A diplomat.

He was apparently not the only one having big dreams.

"What do you think?!" She asked, her voice so excited he had to be too. "I think it's fantastic!" Lando giggled, just as engrossed as she was as she pointed at the paper with the decsription of her future job, because Lando was sure she would make it.

"How do you become that?" "Well there are different aproaches to it depending on what you are most interested in to major but you need a bachelors degree but you can choose to major in example Law, international studies, political science or history but I think I want to go Law because then if I don't make it I can go into law for real so I'm gonna apply to Lawschool's here in England, Oxford and Cambridge. That's four years"

Lando's eyes followed her every movement as she spoke him through the different stages of how to become a diplomat. It seemed incredibly hard and long way there but she was so excited over this it made it's way over to Lando.

2016 Costwolds

He looked at her so softly she didn't know what to do of herself. His colourmixed eyes filled with so many different emotions, so many questions.

His hair was all wet from the rain that had poured down over England as usual and his lips held a soft smile whilst his hand tilted up her chin.

"You are so pretty" he mumbled softly, Alice feeling her face heating up at the comment. "You are too" she spoke, her voice like silk, so low it was hardly even hearable through their deep breaths.

She couldn't tell what had gotten them here, alone in her house, cuddled up in her bed watching a movie. Watching a movie had turned to a kiss, then a makeout and now here they were, asking eachother silent questions about how to move forward.

They had started to explore more and more ground with eachother after their feeling-revelations. Slowly but surely taking step by step.

"Are you sure?" Lando asked unsurely, his voice deep and ragged, feeling nervous as he looked at the young girl laying so beutifully on his bed. It felt like he was dreaming. Not only was there a beutiful girl half naked in his bed it was also Alice. His teenage hormones were too high to manage at this point.

"Have you... ever?" she asked, watching his head shake "No, I have no idea of how.. this is suposed to g-"

"We will figure it out" she smiled, asking both of his current questions and he smiled, face relaxing as his mouth dived to hers again.

It was slow, gentle and intimate. Both of them taking their sweet time, caring for eachother.

Their bodies moved together, figuring out what felt the best for both. Lando didn't know what to do, what to feel, it was all overwhelming to a point he became blank of thoughts. Hands gently helping her move with him, relishing in her heavy breaths and small sounds as they explored a new part of themself and eachother.

2016 Silverstone

His hand laced in hers as he gently pulled her along the streets in Silverstone. He had bought GP tickets for her birthday, revealing that his parents had helped him out a litttle after her worrying words for his money.

"Thank you" she said softly, smiling at Lando who looked back at her just as fondly. "Of course" was his reply, even though this didn't feel any type of of course

"Just want to make you happy" he murmured, making her heart soar

"I am happy just being with you, this-this is amazing and I am so happy and excited but you, you will always be enough"

Lando's smile got impossible big at that, swinging their hands inbetween their walking bodies. They were both fools, fools in love but they didn't care.

He talked her through the basics even though she already knew it all. But she loved to listen to it, listen to him talk about it with so much passion, blabber about the teams, the rules, the best. Everything he knew he loaded off to her, Alice more then content to walk around the paddock like this, hand in hand listening to his voice.

2017 Hampshire

She watched as Lando helped his mother to set the table in their old summer-house. The tradition continuing on. His hands balanced the plates as his mother directed him to what should go where.

She couldn't pin down the moment when Lando, her gullible dork of a friend became Lando. Lando who got all the girls falling at his feets with his riddicolously attractive smile and brown curls. Lando who got her to feel more than platonic feelings, Lando that got her all hot and bothered just being him, Lando.

But it was still the same Lando who had picked her flowers, held her when she was sad or confused, shared her highs and been there all the time. He was the same but with some additonal things, things she didn't exactly mind.

His eyes met hers over the table, his face of concentration turning into a teasing smirk as he winked at her.

Alice couldn't help but to giggle, moving off the grass and to the table where him and Cisca were talking about something. Lando had currently signed all season in formula 3 with Carlin. But he had been home for the weekend before going off again.

"Hello" Lando smiled like a dork as she reached the two, his smile going over to her, smiling just as widely as his arms reached her body to pull her close. "Are you coming to my next race?" He asked lowly, smile breaking out again as she nodded "Of course" Alice did in difference from Lando still go to school, her goal meant hard school studying for many years forward whilst Lando's goal meant no school studying but a lot of experience gathering. It was different but it didn't bother them. Alice studied, Lando helped her best he could, usually more distracting than helping but he was also useful to use as someone to juggle ideas with and have as a listener when she pracctised her speaches or read through her essays. In return Alice listened to him ramble about motorsports, went to every race she could and simply was there for him when he needed her to be.

Despite their young age they were mature in their relationship and more than anything, they were serious about eachother.

2018 Barcelona

She watched him from a distance, watching how he went around with his friends, joking laughing. It was formula two now, a new world from forumla 3 in some ways but the biggest difference were the publicity.

The fanbase that had before been small had explded as he startde to do well in formula 2 and especially since he started to appear on the internet via social media, interviews and youtube clips. It had exploded so fast neither of them had gathered what had happened.

What Alice had gathered by now though was that this new world of the sport he loved so dearly made him more and more distant. Suddenly he cared more about his appearance than her, cared more about his image than her. It showed in so many situations, him declining to hang out with her to hang out with some friends, telling her she didn't need to come because it was better for his image if they wasn't seen together all the time.

Alice didn't know if it was better for his image or better for keeping the girls that currenly circled aorund him.

He rarely spent any time with her anymore and it was fine Alice thought, but the feeling that he was embarrassed of her, that he didn't want people to know about her or their relationship was something she felt really hurtful.

The most confusing part of it all was how different it was. When it was only them he was the same, the small soft little boy who picked her flowers and helped braid her hair but when they were with others or in public he was someone completely different. One who pushed her away, ignored her and laughed at her.

It was all getting a bit too much. In the begining she could wave it off by him being new to the experience and fame, having to navigate his way around it but it had gone too far. And it felt too much in her heart.

2019 Monza

"I think... I think we should stop seeing eachother"

Lando's words caught something deep within her, felt like a shot right at her heart as she looked at the boy.

"What?" Her words came out weak, like a faint whisper. "I think we should break up, or whatever" he spoke, this time more direct, less feelings in them, more harshness.

Break up or whatever

They had never put a label on it, they were them, nothing more nothing less. But now he wanted to be nothing?

"Why?" she croaked out not getting where it was all coming from. "I want to see other people" he deadpanned, no emotion in his voice as he looked her straight in the eyes.

She felt defeated, nothing to fight with, nothing to fight for. Because he looked so sure, he looked so distant from the person she knew so she had no choice but to let him go, regardless of the feeling of her heart breaking into pieces in her chest.

But she got numb, feelings she could deal with later, she did not want to look weak when he looked like this, acted like this.

"Okay" was all she said, dropping the flower she held in her hand and turning on her heel.

2019 England, contract with Mclaren

"Congrats" she smiled carefully at the cheery boy. Things hadn't been good lately, stifff and tense but this was his long time goal, his dream and there was no way Alice wouldn't congratulate him on it.

Even if he broke her heart.

His eyes glistened as he pulled her into a warm hug, smiling into her hair. "Thank you, really"

Lando was happy, and Alice were happy that he was happy because it felt like it had always done. He spoke about his contract, about the races infront and she listened, just like she had always done. Taking it in and gently quzzing him further. She didn't want to push too hard.

His smile grew more and more as they talked, he even came so far as to ask how she was doing, he hadn't done that in a long time but just as before, in the end of their relationship things changed fast.

He hadn't told her he'd met anyone new, although they had barely spoken at all lately, only the odd hello on their family dinners. Alice felt it was too early for that but she could see it from miles away.

His eyes flickered around as the tall girl moved towards them and she knew it before she was even there. The lump in her stomach exploding into a sick feeling.

Lando fumbled nervously as he introuduced the two, Alice's eyes stuck on her beutiful face and incredible body. She was everything in one package, one stunning package.

"When did you meet?" Alice asked, voice sweetly soft, trying to disguse any hiddden intention but by the way Lando couldn't meet her eyes she already knew it was before they had ended.

"Oh, I don't know, I think it was last year yeah?"

Last year

Lando didn't answer, didn't look at Alice, he couldn't.

"Oh wow that't nice, and it was really nice to meet you but I have to go"

"Okay, nice to meet you too!" she smiled cheerily.

Lando catched up to her before she could leave the grounds completely, grabbing her arm to stop her.

"Alice" "Don't tocuh me" she snapped, feeling too many emotions at once to control it. "I'm sorry" he tried but she just waved him off

"Save it" she bit

"Don't be like this Alice, come on" "What? You met her a year ago? When we were still together?" "I did nothing with her until we broke up!" "NO but you LIKED HER?!"

Lando looked down "I don't know"

"Fuck off!

"Stop it, youre making a big deal out of this when it dosen't have to be, we broke up I found someone new" "I-I I don't even know what to say" she spoke, shaking her head at the boy she thought she knew but so clearly didn't

"What did you think Alice? That we would stay in love our whole life and get married with many kids?" "I-I don't know" she whispered because maybe that had been what she thought, or at leat hoped. More importantly she thought they were real, and that they had real feelings. But maybe it was just her.

2019 Bahrain

Alice didn't cheer nor did she congratulate. She stood next to Cisca in the Mclaren garage watching the race. She was there for Cisca and only Cisca. She suposed she had forced Lando to give her a pass as he probably much rather would have wanted to give one to his new girlfriend than Alice. But his mother was good at talking and she guessed she had skills with her son as well. Having dangled the pass in her face as Lando had agreed to give her one.

Lando glanced over at her and gave her a faint smile but he got nothing in return, just a stone face that made him advert his gaze again.

He knew why though, the very reason swinging with her long hair before stepping forward to kiss him, right in front of her. It shouldn't but it made his heart ache, he didn't know if it was because it was Alice or if it was because he was a decent human being, he doubted that though.

"Wow babe! Your first points amazing!" She grinned at him. He forced himself to tip his lips into a forced smile "Thank you babe"

He could se in his imagination how Alice would scrunch her face up in disgust. She always hated those nicknames.

"How should we celebrate?" she asked, a hopeful look on her face. She wanted to go out. Lando wanted to go home, eat dinner with his family and Alice, sit down the water with Alice and talk about everything and anything. But those days were gone and now he had a new life.

"Clubbing?" he suggested, smiling as her face lit up.

"Perfect!" she smiled, turning away from him and to Alice and his mother who stood chatting, not paying any attention at all to him or at least not by the looks of it.

"Lando, we are going home. Are you coming with us for our regular big celebration?" His mother asked and he dreaded having to answer

"No, sorry. We are going out" he voiced softly, watching his mother's smile falter as a disapointed scowl took over her face "Out?"

He didn't even dare to look at Alice, knowing she would look at him with murder in her eyes, not liking his answer.

"Okay, well it was so good seeing you" his mother smiled, hugging him close before giving him one more loook and walking out the garages. He had excpected Alice to follow his mother out but she stayed put, making him feel a bit uneasy.

Alice smiled at her as she gave her a soft wave, telling Lando to catch up with her. Alice's smile fell the second her eyes landed on Lando.

He was thinking about aproaching but decided against it, should he go? As his mind was reeling with options and things he could say Alice was standing in front of him with an uncharacteristic frown on her face.

"You are really choosing clubbing before your family?" she spoke, her words harsh but it was nothing compared to her tone, filled with venom and hard as ice.

Lando tasted different aproaches on his tongue before, of course choosing the worst one. Anger.

"You're just angry I choose her before you"

The words struck, he could see that and in a twisted way it settled something inside him. "This has nothing to do with me" she spoke back, her voice even colder than before.

"I already said I was not gonna come to any celebrations, seriously Lando, who do you think you are?" He swallowed, didn't know what to say next but she beat him to it "And since when do you even go clubbing?" her face twisted with distaste. She had never liked clubbing a lot, only rarely could she enjoy it briefly but Lando had had no problem with that. Not a fan of the crowded rooms either but now, now he wanted to make his words hurt as much as hers did.

"Well maybe that's something I can now feel free to do" he spoke harshly, watching the wave of emotion on her face as she shook her head.

"I never, ever stopped you from it"

Lando shrugged "Didn't matter"

Alice shook her head, baffled. Where had Lando gone? Because this wasn't him.

"I was just going here to ask what the fuck is wrong with you. Your mother traveled here to watch you, to support you but you can't even take the time to celebrate with them over dinner? Go to the fucking club after dinner what do I care! But you don't treat family like that''

"What do you know about family?" The words left a bitter taste in his mouth but they had already tumbled out

"Apparently more than you" she bit and maybe she was right but it didn't stop his words from tumbling out.

"Just stop it Alice, you can't control me like before, let me be"

Alice swallowed, he could practically see the emotions swimming in her eyes but it was his doing. No matter how long it had gone he still hated to be the one that made her look like that, so fragile and so hurt.

"I'm sorry if that's how you felt" she whispered before leaving him feeling like the jerk he was.

2020 Cotswold

Her fingers scrolled through the profile, clicking in to one then the other. Scrolling through comments and reactions.

It was like an addiction, once she'd started she couldn't stop.

She was clicking into his pictures, trying to make out the people he was with like she had any reason to do so.

Her eyes fleeted over it all, drinking it in as this was all she could have. Sulking over her ex 'whatever' and the life he was now living.

Her eyes locked on a particular photo, he was on the podium, the widest of smiles on his face and a cup in his hands.

She would have called herself pathetic for sitting here dreaming of the guy who broke her heart but she couldn't help but to look at the photos and dream of what once used to be.

2021 Cotswold

Stiff was a light word to put it. Everyone felt awkvard as the two 22-year old's adjusted their gaze's over the room. Who's idea it had been to put on a family reunion dinner Alice didn't know but whoever it was had started an bad idea.

She hadn't seen Lando face to face in what felt like forever and it was just as unplesant as she would have thought it would be. Horrible.

"So Alice, how is studying going?" Cisca asked sweetly

"Well it's going great, we haven't completed any major essays or studies yet but it's really interesting so I'm happy" Alice spoke, looking at Cisca who held the most comforting smile ever.

"That's fantastic honey, I always knew you would make out what you wanted, you beutiful soul!" she all but squeked making the young girl feel warm inside out "Thank you"

"So Lando, what about you?" Alice's mom asked, just as politely. Alice busied herself grabbing some more potatoes in the slowest movements she could muster as Lando spoke them very detailed through the season so far. He told them all about the car, how it felt, his teammate, his team, the last race, others on the grid, all of it.

It was a bit weird how something she used to find so intruiging, now made her feel numb. Like a big lump balling up in her stomach. "And how is your girlfriend?" She continued, everyone holding their breath

Lando looked uncomfortable as his eyes fleeted around the table not staying to long anywhere. "Well, eh. We broke up" he revealed, making Alice look at him for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Oh I'm so sorry honey" Alice's mother spoke again but he just waved it off, giving her a reassuring smile "No it's fine. I guess we realized how different we were and how different the things we want are. It was no biggie, mutual decision" he shrugged, not seeeming to care to much about it and something about that made it twist in Alice's stomach.

"And how about you Alice? Your mother told me you were seeing someone?"

Alice and Lando both looked like they were gonna faint with shock. Alice coughing on her potatoes, waving her hand as she took a sip from her glass.

"Noo" she chuckled once she recovered. "It was nothing serious at all, just a bit of...fun" she spoke awkvardly, something about that sentence making Lando's stomach twist unpleasantly.

"Aha" Cisca smiled, her lips twitching as she tried to not chuckle at both the youngsters uncomfortableness.

"I hope you mean fun like jumping into the sea and giggling in the grass" Alice's mother mused, looking at her with amusedly narrowed eyes.

"Of course, that's what I mean..." Alice giggled, hiding behind her tall glass. "Because I have never heard you even say you lost your virginity"

Alice choked at that, spluttering her drink over herself and the table as the others laughed at her.

"Well" she breathed

"Alice! You have but you have not told me?!" Her mother said sarcastically. She had figured she had, they had talked about it vaguely since she had wanted to know it was okay and all and she had also not so sneakily gotten a condom or two plus she had asked for her mother to hellp her with the pills.

"Maybe?" "There is no hard feeling honey" She started, tone warm "And Cisca has told me all about it"

This time it was Lando who choked on his drink, coughing desperately until his airways were free again. He had not been as secretive as Alice apparently had been. He had told his mother the next day about it. Not in detail of course but still.

"Oh really? What did he say?" Alice snickered, throwing a look on Lando who's face had creeped up with colour. "Oh not too much, just that you had had sex and it had been ok"

"OK?!" Alice gasped at Lando who giggled in his hands, face red as he giggled at the awkvardness of it alll

Alice couldn't help but to laugh at his face but stopped abruptly when she realized what she was doing, laughing with him?

No

"No I'm joking it was hideous" she deadpanned, their mothers snickered but Lando looked at her with a glare.

She cracked a sarcastic smile and engrossed herself in the next conversation floating, ignoring his gaze for the rest of the evening.

2022 Monaco

His fingers scrolled through the profile, clicking in to one then the other. Scrolling through comments and reactions.

It was like an addiction, once he'd started he couldn't stop. Obsessing over her life even though he wasn't in it anymore.

Eyes locked on the different pictures he couldn't help but think she was the most stunning person he had ever met.

He also could not stop himself from feeling his heart swell and break at the thought.

2023 Silverstone GP

Alice's hair moved in the windy air of Silverstone. His eyes wandered over her, drinking her in.

He had missed her, really missed her.

Being without her was a test on it's own, one he thoughts was nesecary to live how he wanted, but now he realized he wouldn't ever want to live without her.

It was too late, of course. He knew that, everybody knew that. He had completely wrecked everything they had and shared because of a few years trying to be someone else.

He had been fine though, moved on because he knew that's what she had done, but his heart struggled all the same everytime he saw her or even thought about her.

His mom had tried to push him towards her, saying that he needed to apologize. Lando had never understood why. A simple sorry wouldn't change a thing of what he had done, it was not gonna make anything better.

A sorry was simply not enough.

Despite that he itched to say it, beacuse he was sorry, even if that changed nothing.

-

A GP sunday and Alice hadn't had it in her heart to refuse Cisca's pleas for her to come with her and watch. She had been there more times since they broken up 'or whatever' and it had been fine.

But this time it felt different. From the moment she stepped into the paddock Lando's eyes were on her. Nothing unusual but his eyes were something else, held something else deep within them.

It hadn't even been half an hour after the race when he aproached her carefully. His eyes fleeting around as he stopped in front of her, hand combing through his wet curls.

"Hi" he breathed, meeting her eyes a short second.

"Hi" she answered, her heart picking up in her chest for no reason at all.

Why did it still do that?

"Good race today, congratulations" she smiled weakly making his heart grow wings. "Thank you". He was on the podium, second place, a good weekened for Mclaren, for sure.

"How you been?" he stuttered out, trying to be as normal as possible as she looked at him. "Good, you?" she replied shortly, his breath catching in his throat "Fine" he got out, his words stuck in his throat, sounding like he had just coughed them up. "I- I know this is not gonna change anything and I know I've been a proper dick but I still wanted to.." he murmured, his hand reaching into his suit pocket and bringing out a small blue little flower. Blue ones where her favoruite, it had always been.

"A flower?"

His eyes burned with sadness and regret

"I really am sorry"

Alice's eyes flickered from the sad looking guy and his handpicked beutiful flower, wishing it was enough, wishing it was as easy to forgive him now as it had been when they were small and Lando had teased her or made her cry. But it wasn't and Lando knew that too.

No amount of flowers could possibly make up for this and it absolutely shattered him.

[icarusredwings]

Snippet of my one fic series im calling

"Finding home."

This comes after DOG TAGS. They're spending the night at the Xmen mansion when someone pays them a visit. Established Poolverine.

Warning: Wade is just.. Wade. Logan (worst wolverine) is learning to stand up for himself, Complicated stuff with Jean Grey and other xmen characters. Post unknown context.

Angst, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff.

Coming into the room, Logan had found Wade lying down. Sprawled out beautifully like a dame in one of those fancy paintings. As if he was worn out. This had pleased him greatly. It meant he had so much fun that he was satisfied with the level of exercise and socialization for today. Something that was a rare sight.

Walking over, he climbed into the bed with a big smirk, pulling him close, underneath him.

“Hey..”

“Hi.”

He chuckled softly, starting to kiss him all over. The kind of kisses that meant he was hungry for something more, already nipping at his lips and his neck. Putting his head back into the silk pillows Wade groaned, putting his hands up to the back of his head, beginning to pet him.

Sliding his shirt up, It wasn't often that Logan let himself wonder so confidently. Which is why Wade whined, his stomach fluttery a bit as he groaned. Maybe it was because Logan was leaving a trail of nips down his abdomen or maybe it was because of how nauseous he was getting, but something wasn't right.

“Oh god. I usually would never in a billion life times say this but.. Stop?” What ever has gotten into Logan had got him good because he only chuckled again and bit his ear, Holding him by the hem of his jeans. “Sorry, Bub, But you're all mine now. Stuck with me. So get used to it because you're gonna be scr-”

“Logan Stop.”

Almost instantly, Like a switch he sat up, No longer touching him. In Fact the look he gave him was filled with concern and almost ashamed for the things he's done. For not stopping the first time. There've been plenty of times where stop didn't actually mean it, but he knew better when it was said in that tone.

This only made Wade pout more. Look at him!! All confident and ready to play the way they've been training his self confidence for. And the dirty talk too? Come on! How he was sitting like this? All obedient and worried for him? Ugh! He only wanted to fuck him more now. It wasn't fair.

“I'm gonna puke.” He stated a quick explanation that made the man frown, his thoughts instantly going to because of him, as if he were too gross to play with, but a single brain cell pipped up as he remembered his dear fiancé was not new to throwing up.

“If… if you don't mind. Do you think we could just cuddle tonight?” He asked, looking almost ashamed of himself too, feeling bad for turning him away.

“Yes. I mean- Of course… Do you want help?” Watching him light up like a puppy with hope to be helpful.

Wade couldn't help but stifle a laugh, giggling after the scoff. “Can you hand me that trash can? And.. maybe look away. Or something.” He muttered, not liking when people saw him so gross, especially not him. No one wanted to kiss you with vomit in your mouth. Within a few seconds, He fetched the trash can, sitting next to him as he rubbed his back.

“You're alright.” He whispered, reassuring Wade that it was okay, that he could do whatever he needed to do, and no one would be mad at him. Sometimes, he became upset with himself for times like this. Thought it ruined the moment, and past shitty hookups have convinced him it was true and his fault.

This was the opposite of looking away, but no one really wanted to be alone when sick.

“You're burning up…” he mummbled, looking away but kept his hand on him as he hurled, gagging and grunting how much he hated doing this.

Listening to him try to catch his breath was the worst part for him, knowing how sensitive he was to unauthorized breath play and cancer didn't exactly believe in safe words.

“I know.. I know.” It took him about a month to finally get it when he first moved in, that Wade wasn't lean and thin because he wanted to be, Rather, he could barely keep anything down some days.

“It's alright. Hey. You're okay. I got you.” He whispers to him. Wade put his head back, tears in his eyes as he breathed deep and slow.

“There we go. Better?”

Starting to nod, this quickly became a shake of his head, putting his head in that trash can again. Oh, the poor thing…

Opening the door, Logan swallowed as he saw her. “Hey…”

To make matters worse, there was a knock at the door. God, they couldn't catch a break, could they? Without even getting a chance to ask, Wade went off to the bathroom, slamming the door. He always did prefer a toilet, really. It's much easier to throw your guts up when you don't have to worry about holding a bucket full of vomit. Much easier to clean up too, just flush it instead of rinsing it and cleaning it with soap.

“Erm.. Hi?”

“Look.. Logan I- We.. we're sorry. For everything.”

Crossing his arms he looked away, leaning against the door frame. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes. You very much do. You claim that you're different, but the way you've been acting shows that we even hurt you in your timeline, too. So.. While I don't know what we did then, I want us to be on good terms.”

“Us?” He asked, a little confused, shaking his head a bit. “Jean.. that was a long time ago. And you're not even the same person. I'm not even the same person.”

Blinking, Logan looked outside of the door, as if trying to see if there was anyone else. “I'm sorry- this is bothering me. We?? Who's we?”

“I know.. but that doesn't mean we can't apologize... Maybe start over? We would like that."

“Well.. you know how he can be.”

“Jean, Usually when people apologize, they're in person and say it to their face. Not send their pregnant wife to come confront them by herself.”

A Small look of horror came to her face, as if she hadn't told anyone else yet. A look that said ‘How did you know?’ But she only sighed.

“Only ever what mattered…” His nose crinkled a bit, Able to smell it. She wasn't far enough along for him to tell if it was a boy or a girl, but the baby was healthy. That's all that did matter to him. There was nothing wrong with worrying for a friend's child.. was there?

“I never could hide anything from you...Could I?”

“Logan, Please. He really is sorry. He's just.. you know.. with the school and you of all people know how much a man's egos can get in the way of things...” She mumbled, taking his hand, rubbing over his knuckles.

She wasn't even doing anything with her powers, and yet he felt this intense wave of relief fall over him, only for it to be instantly covered with a sense of protectiveness. She always had that effect on him. He wanted to protect her no matter what.

Swallowing again, he pulled his hand away as it started to sweat.

“That's exactly my point.. If he actually was sorry and believed he did do something wrong, He'd be standing here with you, now wouldn't he?”

“That's not-”

“I'm not finished!” He growled, tired of being spoken over. Wade did a hell of a job to connect his emotions to his mouth, and now he wasn't shutting it off. He worked hard to turn his grunts into words. And she would litsen.

Becoming quiet, she nodded, Implying that he could finish without another interruption.

Taking her other hand, he held both of them.

“I know you're an independent woman. You always have been. But you shouldn't have too. You need a man that will not only defend you, but will take care of you, and stand next to you for things like this.”

This speechless promise quickly becomes a lie. “Logan-” Her eyes were almost… hopeful.

Tears welled in her eyes but wouldn't let them drop.

“I'm not that man.” He started, shaking his head slowly as he did, not wanting her to get any ideas.

“Not anymore… Do you understand? Hell, Even Forge stands up for Ororo and would defend her until his last breath despite her practically being an all-powerful weather goddess!... and your husband won't even stand next to you while saying sorry? Think about it.”

“F-for what?”

“Jean, I'm sorry.”

“Because I'm happy. I was never going to fit into your marriage. Not ever. Not… well. At least. Everyone thinks that relationships are finding someone who matches your puzzle piece. When in reality it's finding someone who's willing to change pieces to fit. I mean- I'm engaged now!” He whispered this bit, almost excited, leaning down some to talk to her.

“Is.. he okay?” She asks.

“How crazy is that? The Wolverine settling down? Crazy to think about. And with a dying maniac at that.” He smiles, only to frown, hearing a big cough and a groan of frustration from the bathroom. “Oohh Fuck..” It said.

He now stands, putting his hands in his pockets. “He gets tummy aches.” He lied, whispering. “Gluten sensitivity.”

“Ooh…then why is he-”

Just before she could say it, Wade came out with a stretch, seeming better as he dramatically held his stomach.

“We're pregnant!!”

“No- we are not.”

“Pfft-” snickering some, Logan put his hand to his face, rubbing it embarrassedly.

“Oh we so are! Don't you remember? It's the only reason he's marrying me really. Got me knocked up and now we're having A shotgun wedding. How scandalous! I can see the headlines now.”

“There's not going to be any headlines, you lunatic!” He chuckled, almost at the brink of giggling.

A frown came to her face, only to softly smile.

“... I've never seen you laugh like that before.”

“Huh? Oh… heh.. yeah. I uhm… I didn't know that I could..”

“Hmm.. Well.. I guess I should be going..” She whispered. “Leave you two alone..” Turning to leave, she had mixed feelings about the interaction. Happy for him yes, but also now had other topics to think about.

“Mmh.. Yeah.. Oh- And Jean?”

Turning, the hope in her eyes made him frown, feeling sort of bad for being kind of a jerk to a pregnant lady. “When Scott grows some balls? He knows where to find me.”

Sighing, she nods. “…Goodnight, Logan.”

“ ‘Night.”

Closing the door, he came back to bed, still giggling a bit. “Why did you tell her we're pregnant? I can't get you pregnant, idiot.”

Laying on the bed, Wade looked slightly offended. “Are you calling me a liar!?”

“I'm calling you the biggest liar.”

He shrugged. “Oh well. And who knows? Maybe I got a cancer baby in there or something.”

Rolling his eyes, He climbed under the blanket with him. “Oh shut up. You don't have a cancer baby.”

“You never know…So…marrying a dying maniac?”

“Oh… how much of that did you hear?”

Grunting, He rolled over, Putting his face in his hands again. “Nngh.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean for you to hear all that..”

“The bathroom has surprisingly thin walls.”

“It's alright. It's always nice knowing that you're just as big of a whore as I am.”

“Hey! Am not! It was just… complicated.”

“That's what whores say when they can't pick one dick to ride” he giggled, Rolling over to climb into his chest, nuzzling up under his chin.

“Are…are you sure you aren't happier... here?” He asked, the questions slipping out.

So many things were running through his mind, things that he probably shouldn't be thinking but he's learned that as long as it stays in his head, no one would get hurt… except.. that was the hard part.

Logan let out a deep sigh. “Wade?”

“I mean- Do you even like that i'm with Vanessa? What were you doing? Being a barrack bunny? But for the mansion? The mansions personally sex pet or some kinky shit like that?”

“Yeah, yeah.. shut up.. I know...”

“Wade.”

“hm?”

“I let you cut up my dog tags…and turn them into a ring”

“Technically Forge did that- actually.”

“.. a ring that you own now.. right?”

“Uh… yes?”

“And dogs go with their tags.. right?”

“I guess so?”

For a few seconds there was silence.

“So what does that mean?”

“25- no! 26. I'm pretty sure it's 26.”

“What?” He laughed. “That wasn't even a math question.”

“Ugh, just tell me. I'm not good at stupid riddles! If I ever met the riddler I'd just shoot him in the face.”

“The who-? erm, nevermind. If the tags belong to me. Yes?”

“Ok..”

“And now you own them. Yeah?”

“Okay..”

“Then that means..”

Blinking, he suddenly gasped a few seconds later, going into a giggle fit as he held him tight. “Oohh!! I wanna get married!”

“We will. Just not yet.”

“Tomorrow!!”

“No-”

“Why!?”

He wasn't tucking and running anymore. He would stay like a loyal mutt. As long as he wore that ring on his finger, he'd follow him. Whether here, or at that shitty apartment. He didn't care which.

“Because.. you deserve a good one. And good ones aren't planned overnight.” Logan smiled.

“And for your information… I was always the Barrack bunny..”

“GASSSP!! No way!! Same!”

“Yeah I figured that much… and.. As for Vanessa? We're inviting her to the wedding right?”

“Obviously. Duh.”

“.. Go ahead and kiss her after me.”

“Shut up and take orders, Wilson.”

“Really? But that’s- I don't think-”

“Yes sir!.. erm... peanut?”

“Do you still want too?....you know”

“Hm?” It was these late night talks that really made him enjoy having him around. The pressure on his chest, the gabbing, the giggles. It made him feel young again.

“Eh.. not really. 'm tired."

“Oh thank god! My stomach is killing me.” He groaned. Shifting them to lay on his side, Logan pulled him close into his chest, rubbing his stomach softly.

“Behave, Jr.” He mumbled, earning himself another laugh and a deep kiss. “Mmh..” intertwining their hands, Wade curled up against him, happy as always just to be next to him.

“...I love you..” Holding him in his arms as he said this, he felt embarrassed and almost.. nervous. As if he wouldn't say it back. But if there was anything about Wade he knew, it's that he'd never skip a beat to reciprocate affection.. something he wasn't used too.

“..How much?” Usually, he wouldn't ask such childish things. But Tonight? He might have needed it.

“I love you too, Logan. A lot.”

“I'd fight the entire world.”

“You do that anyway. More than tacos?”

“Woah there, Angelcakes! Know your place.”

They both laugh, the giggles die down, and snoring replaces the sounds.

[googledetective]

my thoughts about the new drdt episode...

I want to start off that this episode has not left me in a great mental state and this piece of fiction is starting to effect my reality in a negative way, currently. I do suffer from mental health issues, so please be sympathetic. If something I say seems too emotional or a bit off, that's likely why. My therapist will be hearing about drdt, lol. No hate towards drdt, it's an amazing project, and I'm amazed at how the piece of fiction is able to make me react in such a way.

1. I am not educated on ASPD or anything like that, so if I say something wrong feel free to correct me. I had a feeling that Levi likely had it from his secret, but this is a cool confirmation. I like that this is represented in a really great way, and that the reactions to his confessions are also very realistic. I like Levi a lot, but now I understand him so much more, and it makes me really appreciate him.

2. I find it interesting how Levi is so detached, as Veronika said, to everything. Even if I was not capable of remorse, I would've remembered killing my own father. I wonder what his father did to be so looked down upon.

2.5. OKAY SO HES KINDA JUST LIKE ME FR. like I stated previously I've had some bad mental health issues in the past to the point I've kicked windshields of cars in and attacked people. It is not my proudest moment, but holy shit I can relate to this a lot. It makes me so good to see someone who's done shit like I've done who's trying to change.

3. Ace really did care about Levi and considered him a friend, which warmed and broke my heart at the same time. I really hope Ace finds another friend, because he deserves to feel some comfort and joy. I hope he learns about Levi's ASPD and realizes Levi has no malicious intent towards him. I find it nice that Ace did really trust and look up to Levi though, it proves him capable of friendship and deeper feelings that people usually overlook. Great complex character.

4. I was shocked that Levi sided with David, but honestly I do too. David is a good person, and we see that later in the ep where he doesn't tell Eden what Arei said.

5. J CALLED OUT HU??? UNEXPECTED. called her a stupid argument moderator. Interesting. I love you J, but watch it.

6. Veronika's secret isn't the worst thing she's ever done- interesting. I think it could be the thing she's the most ashamed of, but you never know. It really breaks my heart for Hu, and I hope we get a backstory on her soon.

I'm coming back after point 14 and adding this: these secrets don't seem to be any of the worst things they've ever done, nor relevant to the killing game (besides "Xander's"). These secrets are personal. I think they each have worse secrets but they are too related to the killing game so they couldn't give those out.

7. Excuse you, David. Freaky ass.

8. that is NOT Teruko's secret 😭😭😭

9. This is seriously rich coming from J, as she usually escalates the situation.

10. Eden's monologue broke my heart. I am so glad David lied to her at the end, or I think Eden's heart would've been broken. This just makes me so sad.

11. "That maybe there would be a world in which we would be friends." I'm sure there would be, since your fans have created worlds that you're dating her.

12. Arei needs to genuinely shut up. This is where I get very upset and irrational. I am so fucking mad at Arei for lying to Eden. For the rest of Eden's life she's going to be wondering what she could've done or if her friendship was enough. Why the fuck would you lie and say you believed you could change, only to come back and admit you know you can't. My heart breaks for Arei though, because I believe she could've changed. This especially makes me so upset because as a previously bad person who relates to Arei and tries to change, I feel like I'm going to give up hope to do so too. Obviously I gotta overpower and not let fiction effect my reality, but it really hurts.

13. Arei's worldview that nobody is a good person mirrors David's (though David excludes Xander). Makes me really sad. I can hope, but there's really no hope left.

14. Well we know who attacked Xander (what the actual fuck). I hope we learn how that ties in later. Eden's hidden quote, "you can never go back, no matter how hard you try." maybe it's referring to this incident instead of the situationship with her friends in the past.

15. Love this.

16. WE HAD A JRUKO MOMENT!!! So happy about this!!!

17. Why the actual fuck does Whit know so much about how that hanging mechanism would work. You're making yourself look so suspicious. High and low were highlighted, which was interesting.

18. Whit said this murder would've been hard if Arei wasn't a willing victim. If she was, this just makes this case even more tragic. She may have convinced herself to give up hope and cooperated with the killer, which pains me a lot. I think this was due to David's secret.

19. I love the carousel bit! And the banter between Arturo and Whit. They had banter last trial too, so that's a continuation. Maybe they'll have a confrontation in the future.

20. NICO FUCKED BRO

21. At this point my only logical conclusion of who I think the killer could be is J.

22. Everyone is bringing up Ace's friend- Taylor! It's seriously throwing me for a loop bc that's my name!

ENDING:

To clarify, I think it's sad that Arei believes she can't change and even started doubting Eden.

[toon-tales]

Is Anxiety the villain in Inside out 2?

First, let's get something straight:

These. Are. Emotions. Not. Persons.

Here's the thing, Fear isn't about being scared, nor Disgust is about being disgusted, nor Sadness is about being sad, and etc...

Sadness is about sympathy, understanding and listening and offering comfort

Embarrassment is about being careful not to draw attention, feeling ashamed, exposed, even regretful

Anger is about needing justice, feeling mad when someone does something that bothers you

Fear is about protecting, not just being scared

Disgust is about avoiding toxicity, physically and socially

Ennui is about irritation, pointlessness, feeling empty

Envy is about not feeling complete, feeling like everyone is better than you and you're lacking something

Now, to Anxiety.

I don't think you people know what anxiety is. Anxiety is a complex and misunderstood condition. It's more than just feeling stressed or worried; anxiety can be an overwhelming sense of dread that something bad is going to happen, even if there's no clear reason for that feeling. It's a state of being that can affect one's entire perception of the world, making everyday tasks seem daunting. Playing hockey, in Riley's case, is proof of that. That's her favorite sport we're talking about and all of a sudden it's a competition, an exhausting one

Anxiety often also manifests as a deep-seated need to maintain control over one's environment or circumstances. It's a relentless whisper in the head, suggesting that if things are not managed just so, something terrible may occur

And what did Anxiety do? Just that - took control

However, anxiety isn't that bad when it's controlled. It can actually be quite beneficial, serving as a catalyst for action and a motivator for change. Controlled anxiety can sharpen focus, enhance creativity, and even drive efficiency. It's like an internal alarm system, a gentle reminder of forgotten stuff

Like what happened in the end

Now, to Joy

Joy is great because it makes us feel happy and full of energy. But, it's not always perfect. Sometimes, if we're too happy, we might not want to try new things or be ready for when bad times come. Also, if we keep trying to be happy all the time, we might end up feeling sad because being happy all the time is hard. Which is what happened to Riley in the first movie

Joy, like a bright light, can sometimes overshadow other parts of our experiences. It's not that it erases parts of ourselves, but rather, it can make us temporarily forget the challenges and complexities that shape who we are. When we're caught up in a moment of joy, it's easy to overlook the lessons we've learned from difficult times. However, these aspects of our identity are not lost; they're simply out of focus. Once the intensity of joy dims, the rest of our experiences can come back into view. But with no joy to ease them, other emotions kick in, especially anxiety

Now, what's the case here? It's simple, really

The case is that Riley couldn't control her anxiety. Why? She wasn't complete, not yet, she didn't know what she wanted. But in the end, she embraced herself, all of herself, then she managed to control her emotions

Thaaaaat's it! Hope you guys liked it! As usual, feel free to add or comment on anything!

[fallinforerling]

LOVE ISN'T ETERNAL. chapter 10 - jb

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s masterlist

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s taglist

ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

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"So... You're back together with him?" Nikki whispered, looking at you neutrally. She was fighting her face muscles, so they didn't make any type of weird expression that may upset you. She was as sweet as it gets.

"God, no! We're just... friends. That's it." It made you uncomfortable to admit you forgave Jude after all the events of the past month. You were aware of how mad your friends were at him. "I know it’s a bit stupid to forgive him after…"

"After all the shit? We know. He’s not the brightest person around for breaking up with you for that reason." Mia leaned against the sofa, shrugging. "I swear to God, some men can’t talk about their feelings for the sake of their life." A tiny smile peaked from her lips. "We get you, you know that, right? It’s not easy to ignore all the feelings you still have for him… It’s been a month." 

"Hey!" You blushed rapidly, ashamed by Mia’s words. "That’s not the reason…" 

"Sweetie, we know you. You’re not going to fail yourself, us or anyone else just because you still love him." Nikki sighed. "And he’s kinda handsome…" Mia elbowed her, rolling her eyes. "What?! He is! Not my type!" She screamed immediately, looking at you with a worried expression. "Don’t take it as a hint of my non-existent attraction to your boyfriend." 

"He’s not my boyfriend!" You screamed as well, laughing. "We-are-friends." 

"For now." Mia shouted, giving you a knowing look. "If he plays his cards right… Baby, you’re going back to being his girlfriend in less than three months." 

"Or his wife." Niki giggled while saying it. 

"Very funny." It was your time to roll your eyes, taking a deep breath. "I love the support in case I get back together with him, but that’s not it. I’m still bitter about the whole situation, I just got tired of… I don’t know, the intense drama and both of us wanting closure. He’s my friend. We can be friends." 

"Are you trying to convince us or yourself?" Mia asked, patting your leg. "We get it, he’s an asshole. I’m not saying he’s innocent or that you should get back together with him right now, but… Girl, you’re in love, and so is he. He basically implied marriage." 

"You know what they say about drunk talk." Nikki added. 

"I don’t want to hear anything else about marriage. That’s the reason for our breakup… Besides, we’re going to his parents house tomorrow so he can tell them the truth." 

"No way! How did that happen?!" Mia laughed, visibly enjoying Jude’s future sufferment. 

"He said he was going to do anything in his power to make things right with me… Well, that’s the first thing I asked for: honesty. I need him to be completely honest to his parents." You crossed your arms. "It’s bad enough that he asked Jobe to lie about our breakup too. I can’t stand it anymore." 

"Sounds reasonable." Nikki agreed, smiling again. "He’s going to throw himself under the bus just to make his girl happy; how romantic!" 

The only answer she got from you was a pillow thrown directly at her face.

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If you were completely honest with yourself, you were as scared as Jude seemed. It was easier to think about it than to actually do it. You loved Jude’s parents; they were the sweetest people ever, and they always treated you like a daughter. That’s why it was horrible to lie to them, but it was even worse to confess it directly to their faces. 

"I’m nervous." You said after a while, waiting in the living room for them to arrive. Jobe was sitting on the opposite sofa, smiling from time to time while looking at his phone. 

"You are nervous? Mom is going to kill me." Jude took a deep breath, bouncing his right leg non-stop since he sat down. "Dad’s going to smack my head off after he finds out why I broke up with you." 

You bit your lip, feeling bad for putting him in this position. Nonetheless, it was inevitable. 

"Maybe you shouldn’t mention the marriage part." You said after a while, touching his arm. "It might be too much." 

"What? Yes, I do. What’s the point of telling them if I’m not going to be completely honest with them? You said I needed to hold myself accountable for my actions, that it was best for my parents to know what happened. So I’m doing it. If a scolding from my parents and disappointed looks are what it takes for me to regain a little bit more of your trust, then that’s what I’m doing." He rubbed his face, taking your hand between both of his. "I’m just a bit nervous, that’s it." 

You both looked at each other for a while, just silently studying the other. You felt a different type of happiness while replaying his words in your head. 

"Good, then." You squeezed his hand, smiling. "Do you want me to be here while you tell them?" 

He shook his head. 

"I need to tell them alone, it was my mistake after all." 

"Better gather your courage, because they’re here." Jobe said almost immediately, looking out the window. You didn’t even notice he got up in the first place. "Come on, let’s go somewhere else after you say hello, they need their space." He told you, grabbing his phone.

The three of you silently waited for them to arrive. When the door finally opened, your heart started to beat frantically. Would they hate you after this? Will they yell at Jude? Tell you to leave? 

"Don’t panic. It’s going to be fine." Jobe spoke, sensing your sudden fear. 

"We’re here!" Mark said, his voice coming from the hall. "Are we all home?" 

"Yeah! We’re in the living room!" Jude said, standing up. He looked at you over his shoulder, giving you a tiny smile. "It’s okay, just go with Jobe while I do this." 

"Hello, hello!" Denise entered the room first, smiling, as always. "Honey! I’m so glad you’re here! I bought all the ingredients for your favorite meal, so I hope you’re hungry." While she said all that, she gave both of her sons a kiss and a hug to you. 

"Hello, darling. Nice to see you again." Mark followed her, hugging you. "What’s up with all of you standing in the middle of the room?" 

"I…" Jude started to talk, his voice failing at the last second. "I wanted to tell you something. To the both of you." 

Mark and Denise looked at each other with identical expressions of suspicion. Then they looked at you, raising their eyebrows. The look they had on their faces was a mix of emotion and fear. 

"Okay?" Denise said, sitting on the nearest sofa. "Go ahead." 

"Uhm, it’s better if we’re alone." Jude said, looking back at Jobe and you. 

"We are… Going to be upstairs, bye!" Jobe was fast on fleeing the scene. He took your arm, dragging you out of the room and up the stairs. You gave Jude one last worried look before leaving.

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It’s been twenty minutes since both of you went upstairs. There hasn’t been one yell, any loud voices, or even any mumbling that was high enough for you to hear it. You were happy that it was a peaceful conversation, but the suspense was killing you. You sat on Jobe’s bed, paced around the room, fiddled with some funkos that were sitting on his desk, and even folded some clothes that were on a chair. He kept looking at you with an annoyed expression; you were going all over his room, so it was understandable. 

"Can you sit still for five minutes? It’s fine, they’re not going to kill him." Jobe looked up from his phone after you sat down and immediately got up for the third time, sighing. "Besides, if there’s no yelling, they’re not going too hard on him." 

"I’m just worried that they’ll be mad at him forever." Was all you said, sitting next to him on the bed. "Am I overreacting?" 

"Just a bit." He shrugged, looking at you. "I understand why you are worried, but don’t be. They love you. Of course they’re going to be a bit disappointed in Jude for being… Well, Jude. But it’ll pass. Just prepare, because they're going to work extra hard on getting you back together." 

"Why is everyone saying that? We’re friends now." 

Jobe gave you a side smile that did nothing to calm your anxiety. 

"It’s just meant to happen, darling."

˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚

✉️ Jude: You guys can come downstairs, I’m still alive

✉️ Jude: At least

 The text relieved your stress a bit, but the idea of coming downstairs was still terrifying. What will Denise tell you? You didn’t want to make her upset after all, she was like a second mother to you in so many ways. 

 “It’s now or never, love. C’mon, it’s okay.” Jobe had to physically lead you through the hallway and down the stairs. You were so stiff it was uncomfortable to walk. “Stop acting like you’re walking straight to your death.”

 “It feels like it, Jobe. It really feels like it.” You whispered after walking around the corner and entering the living room. 

 Denise and Mark were standing by the sofa, where Jude was sitting with a blank stare directed at the carpet. He was pale, but other than that, his body language was still pretty good for a person who spent the last thirty minutes talking about a delicate subject with his parents. 

 “Oh, honey.” Denise said as soon as she saw you, walking rapidly towards you. She gave you the warmest hug you’d ever received from someone in a long time. “I swear I raised him better than that.” 

 “It wasn’t your fault, Denise.” You rubbed her back, smiling a bit. Your eyes wandered to Jude, who saw the hug with a tiny smile on his face. His eyes were tired, but he seemed content with what he saw. “It was just complicated.”

 Mark stood there, obviously uncomfortable and not sure about what to do. You simply smiled at him once Denise released you from the hug and gave him a little thumbs up. He seemed relieved by it; he just smiled back and pointed at Jude. 

 “I’ll make sure none of that happens ever again, I swear.” Then he looked behind you. “And you, young man, stop covering your brother when he does things like this.”

 “Dad, don’t shoot the messenger. I prefer to get scolded by you than choked to death by Jude.” 

 “Talking about drama queens.” You said, smiling when Jude seemed a bit more animated by your joke.  

“Well, I’ll take her to the kitchen for a while. She needs a little bit of peace.” Denise grabbed you by the shoulders with care, and you let her take you wherever she pleased because it was better than staying in the living room and being stared at by the whole family.

“My love, I hope you know I’m deeply sorry about Jude’s behavior.” She said the moment you were out of earshot from the boys. “I don’t know what got into him to act like that. I knew something was wrong this past month. He was unusually quiet, he never talked about you anymore, which was weird since he never shuts up about you or what you guys did. I thought it was a fight, nothing else.” She sighed. “I’m very disappointed by all this. And again, so sorry that you had to go through it because my son wasn’t capable of talking to you or us.” 

“Stop apologizing, it wasn’t your fault that he decided to manage the situation like he did.” You rubbed her arm, trying to make sure she saw you were sincere. “The good thing is that we’re on good terms and you guys know what happened.” 

“Oh, it’s such a shame… You guys were such a lovely couple.” She smiled. “It’s not because he’s my son, but… I wish there was a solution. I’m not defending him, he behaved very poorly and doesn’t deserve a second chance right away. I just know that you both love each other very much.” 

You knew you were safe with Denise to tell her the truth. 

“I do. I still love Jude very much but… I can’t just let him be my boyfriend this soon. I feel like… I’ll be disrespecting what I went through this past month trying to get over the situation.” 

“Your healing process it’s more important than my son’s urge to make things right. He can work harder to repair what he destroyed in the first place.” She gave you an understanding look. “Make him do an effort to save the relationship. You deserve it.” 

Your eyes felt suddenly watery. 

“Thank you for the advice…” 

“Anytime, darling.” She paused, giggling a bit. "And we thought you were pregnat, how naive."

That got you giggling as well.

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After the whole “confession session” you had at his house and a very awkward dinner, Jude decided it was a good idea to go out and eat dessert while exploring the city. You argued, saying people may recognize him and take photos while you two were walking, but he just shrugged and took you for a walk anyways. You followed along because you didn’t had enough energy to discuss; plus, you were craving something sweet.

So you let him walk you around Birmingham, like he always did when you visited his hometown. You didn’t know how, but he always took you to a new place, no matter how many times you did the same routine. Tonight, the walk stopped at a really tiny but beautiful ice cream shop; after some greetings, photos with two guys from the staff and very appealing cups of ice cream, you continued walking until you found a very nice bench far away from the dispersed crowds. 

"Were they too hard on you? Be honest." You asked between scoops of each other's ice cream.

"They were, but mostly because I blew it with you. They said that type of impulsive acts had been always a problem for me, and I agree. I always regret things I do from one moment to the other. But... It wasn't much of an scolding, but more of a large session of advices..."

"That's good. At least they didn't kill you."

He smirked, not replying but instead leaning over to steal the last bite of your ice cream but stopped at the last second.

“Wait, where’s your necklace?” His hand moved your hair away from your neck, revealing the absence of the gift that meant so much to the both of you. 

You stayed in place, scared to tell him the truth. What a way to ruin the mood, huh?

“Uh…” You coughed, awkwardly trying to move your hair back to your neck so his eyes were unable to see how naked it was. “I kind of threw it into a lake two weeks ago?” Yes, you did say that as a question. 

“What?!” He laughed afer a few seconds of blinking, surprising you with the absence of any type of anger. 

“I… I threw it into a Scottish lake, actually.” You paused, smiling when he started to shake his head, still laughing. “I was very upset. I wanted to get rid of it to get closure. Don’t judge me!” You smacked his arm. 

“I’m not! I’m just impressed by it!” He kept smiling. “Well, okay. It’s some new jewelry for the sirens, I guess.” 

“Shut up.” Your cheeks were red, maybe because of the whole ridiculous scenario of a siren taking your necklace or because he was very pretty while smiling. 

“I’ll never shut up about this.” He hugged you out of the blue, leaving a tiny peck on your temple before resting his head on top of yours. “I’ll get you a more beautiful necklace… Don’t worry.” 

“You don’t have to…” But you really wanted him to do so. 

“Of course I do, my love.” 

And when you felt the butterflies inside your chest trying to get out, you knew you still loved him a lot. What were you going to do to stay friends with him while your heart healed? No idea.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ * TAGLIST

@mentalbaddie | @taintedstranger | @mrs-dasilvasantoss | @mbapbaesluvr | @erensfavgirly | @cinderellawithashoe | @yoitsmo07 | @seajjin | @kakuchosbff | @peterparkerbae | @alwaysclassyeagle | @itsjuspenny-blog | @lbsmainblog | @youngjayla | @freetimemachinequeen | @chaeryeongstuff | @lazyreadergirl | @trentismine | @ironmaiden1313 | @wavessmile | @jul1ettt | @daydream-er | @citrusjunosart | @pierre-gasssllyy

[muzicgenerator]

pls could u do a tom kaulitz angst? like he’s arguing w reader and mentions something he knows the reader doesn’t like bringing up, and he has to make it up to her, then it can turn into fluff <3

yep here it is!!

hope u like it and sorry for late reply T_T

(BRO OHHH MY GOD THE ORIGINAL STORYLINE DIDNT SAVE 😭😭😭 so i just made a new one which is this one AGHHH SO MAD RN btw i didnt proof read the entire thing)

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Atonement

✮

Pairing: Tom Kaulitz x Reader

Genre: a bit Angsty, Fluff

Warnings: None

Request Status: closed :(

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Last Night on Earth : Green Day

Playful bantering was one of the things you and Tom would do everyday in your relationship.

Sure, serious arguments would rise up which a simple kiss and genuine apology would quickly fix.

However those two won't do it right now.

"The hell do you mean I have trust issues?!"

"What?! It's true! Your ex cheated on you so you're scared to trust me; It's not like I'm gonna do what that guy did!"

Definitely, Tom shouldn't have brought your ex up who has no relation to this quarrel.

He knew how much of a prick he was to you and how he treated you; he even witnessed how devastated you were when you once came to him to seek comfort when you found out for the second time he had been cheating.

And he knew damn well you never wanna hear about the jerk ever again.

However, you did appreciate him admitting he wouldn't repeat the history you had with your past lover.

"The fuck, Tom? That bitch has no connection whatsoever about what we're fighting about right now.

And I saw the way you looked at her! It's like, if I didn't interrupt you both would've shared spits by then." enraged by what he said; you raised your voice to match his volume - which was unlike you since you're the composed one out of you two during serious arguments.

"Sorry but he kinda does! This issue you're having surely started with him. I remember the way you wasted your snot and tears on him and I dried it off.

And please stop being overdramatic, she's just a fan and I wanted to make sure she's happy. Not only with her; I mean with everyone of them!"

Tom tried hard to defend himself instead of admitting his wrongdoing.

"You are such an ass for bringing that shit up again when you know damn well your ass had issues too that I helped you get over with and all I've ever done was try my greatest to understand and care for you!

All I ever wanted was for you to stop looking at other people and look at me.. Am I asking for too much?" your voice whispered in offence and slightly croaked which made you resent yourself more.

Tom realized with wide eyes of what he had done,

"No, no of course not ____. No, look- I'm really sorry for what I said, I really am and-"

"Just shut the hell up, Tom. Save it, I don't wanna hear it right now." you harshly brushed past him to storm off to your apartment's bedroom in fear of hot tears falling down to your cheeks.

He sighed; ashamed in himself. Tom truly regrets letting those harsh and unnecessary words slip his blunt mouth. He knew he was better than this - definitely, he should control his mouth more and think about what he should say carefully during times like this.

The night spent alone in the bed you'd always share with Tom felt cruel.

Not for the reason he's not by your side; it's rather the fact that you're in bed without properly making up with him since you'd always forgive one another the same day.

A big part of you wanted to forgive him - believe that he truly didn't mean what he told you and only accidentally slipped because of the heat in the moment; that we all say things we don't mean when we're mad, and that he really wouldn't stab you on the back with a woman like your past lover did.

The smaller part of you scolded for being such an idiot; for believing a man would stay loyal - that you should call it off before he could do any further damage.

Honestly, you felt devastated just thinking about not being with him; so you eventually came into terms with yourself that the fire will settle down and you'll forgive him and he'll do better.

Don't know when it'll die down but it will. Hopefully soon.

Some relationships are worth fighting for, like you have with Tom.

Hence you will stay strong and prepare for many wars.

But tonight; you wanted and allowed yourself to fall asleep being upset and disappointed at Tom.

You'll let tomorrow do its thing.

✮✮✮

It was the next day and the back of your head was pounding alongside a stiff neck.

You sat up and glanced at the digital clock placed on your night table that read 11:37 AM.

After stretching your limbs out while reminiscing the night before; you decided it's time to wash your face and start making lunch for yourself.

When you turned the knob and pushed it open; you were greeted with the aroma of your favourite dish; one that was always served to you as a child when you still lived with your family - one that you shared its recipe and process with your lover.

"Tom?" you asked in disbelief. You were certain he had left since your ears picked up the sound of the front door being pushed open then close in the middle of the night.

Certainty assured your mind that you'd rather not see his face first thing in the morning after such a night. Boy, were you wrong.

Your lover turned his head quickly; unaware of your presence since he's so caught up finishing, as well as perfecting the dish.

"Oh- love, you're awake. I um.. made breakfast but you didn't get up and it's uh, it's almost time for lunch so I thought I'd make your favourite." he stumbled over his words; which is bizarre.

"The pancakes are on the table, you can eat them later as a snack."

You nodded your head with a tight lipped smile and mumbled a thanks before heading to the bathroom.

Once the door had shut; you quickly drowned your face with water to remove the image of Tom cooking without a shirt on.

It's not like it's the first time you've seen him like that; but the way you're reacting right now is how you feel when you catch him in these types of situations - preferably without the post-fight shit going.

After peeing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth washing and drying your face, and doing your skin care - you forced yourself to go back outside for you cannot stay in the bathroom forever.

When you opened and closed the baby blue painted door; your eyes wandered off to the table and drooled at the sight of the newly cooked meal.

Tom patted the seat beside him with a smile; gesturing you to sit beside him.

You had no choice but to join him for lunch; after all, you are starving.

Instead of giving in to his request, you sat in front of him.

Instead of painting a frown on his lips; he still kept his genuinely proud smile (from cooking such a delicious dish) and handed you your plate and utensils - to which you accepted.

"Let's eat?" Tom asked.

"I don't wanna eat without talking about last night." you said with a straight face.

The man in front of you softly breathed a sigh,

"You're right." he agreed with a nod

"I'll start by saying I'm really sorry, and I didn't mean what I said. I just want you to know I would never even dare to think about betraying you like that, and I was an ass for what I did." Tom seemed to look everywhere but your eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to look at your mesmerizing hues for he was certain his shredded heart would be turned into dust.

"I don't even know why I said those things, I- I know this sounds like bullshit but I swear I really don't mean those things and you're the only person who I have my eyes on.

Please give me another chance I- I'll be better now, promise!" he trailed off and fearfully continued;

"But y'know if uh.. if you don't and wanna call it o-"

"Shut up Tom we're not breaking up." you sighed

"I know you said those to defend what you did, and it slipped out because of the heat of the moment. We all say shit we don't mean when mad, I understand. But what I don't understand is why you'd caress her cheek and look into her eyes like that?" your eyes examined his facial expressions and only saw genuine regret on his face. You hoped he'd look at your eyes and tell you directly why.

Hence, before his ready mouth started to explain; you tell him, "Tom, look into my eyes, please."

You caught the way the ball of his throat bopped up and down; swallowing his saliva. His eyes slowly trailed up from the table to your chest, neck, chin, nose, then eyes.

"She said she'd been a fan since the very beginning of the band's debut. She loved all us a lot, especially me. I asked her if meeting us was a dream come true, she said yeah, and we talked a bit more. Then she asked me to touch her face because she really couldn't believe that it was all happening, which I did."

Tom would look away from the two windows of your soul for a second before meeting again.

He was replied with silence; which kind of scared him.

"____? Please say something."

"For God's sake Tom, why didn't you just start with that last night when I brought it up?"

Tom rapidly blinked once, twice, thrice, then for the fourth time. "... I must've forgot to bring it up because I was so caught up in the moment."

You laughed; a true one, "You mean too focused into bringing my ex up?"

He was speechless by how just a second ago you were dead ass serious, and now crying laughing at what you said.

"Sorry, I'm done laughing now." you giggled before continuing, "Fine, I'll forgive you if you tell me where you went last night."

"I went back to my apartment and did some thinking how to make it up to you and slept there. I went out really early to buy groceries so i can cook your favourite food here."

It was your turn to be speechless.

"...You seriously did that?" you asked with doubt in your voice.

"Yeah, I mean the proof is on the table." Tom chuckled.

You said nothing and finally dug into the 5 star looking meal, soon your lover did as well.

"Sooo, are we good?" Tom hopefully asked after sipping his water from the cylinder glass.

"I guess so." you blessed him with a small smile to which he returned with a big one.

Conversation flowed naturally between you as you ate the savoury food.

If Tom didn't make it as a famous guitarist, he'd definitely be a winner in Hell's Kitchen.

After Tom cleaned put the dishes to the sink; you insisted to wash it since he cooked. He declined numerous times but it wasn't going anywhere since you're more stubborn than him.

"All right, fine. Only if you let me hug you from behind." Tom made a deal.

"Pshh, why're you asking as if you don't do that whenever I do shit in the kitchen?"

Tom rolled his eyes with a smirk drawn on his lips as a reply and proceeded to snake his large hands to your waist; then pressing his chest to your back and resting his chin on the crown of your head.

Nothing could be heard other than the clanking of pans, plates, and utensils, along with the flow of the running water from the faucet.

The comfortable verbal silence and physical contact was very much needed after a fight.

After drying your hands with a cloth; you walked towards the couch and sat with your boyfriend still embracing you from behind.

"What do you wanna watch?" you turned your head to the side to look up at his face.

"Whatever you want, I'm fine with anything." Tom looked down to your eyes, then lips.

Slowly, he leaned his fave closer to yours so he could taste your lips.

Once contact had been made; you couldn't help but melt even more to his touch and wrap your arms around his neck - and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss and caress your waist and back.

Soon enough, the passionate kiss had come to an end to catch their breaths.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?" Tom stared into her hues as the tip of their noses touched.

You slowly nodded and brought your hands up to his hollow cheeks, "I love you more." you said before pulling his face closer to kiss each other's lips once again.

Tom mumbled in-between the kisses, "I love you the most, sweetheart." before deepening it. His tongue soon entered your mouth and both your hands rubbed and caressed your bodies.

The hot post-fight make out session would last as long as half the length of the movie you played in the middle of the session; playing Atonement for the millionth time from your entire life.

After pulling your mouths away due to your jaws hurting; you slept and cuddled like babies.

Feeling the safest in each other's arms.

[callofdudes]

I don’t know if you’ve been asked this before, but could you do your own take on an AceReader who loves the boys (all 141 guys and König) but feels like they can’t tell them that as they don’t feel Sexually attracted to them? But the boys don’t care (Or knew that already) and they just want to be happy with them? I would love to read how you would go about it <3

I messed up the ask for this one and didn't read it properly. It's really hot here guys I'm not processing things right I guess. But if you want to see the same thing with the actual prompt above you can for it here!

Telling them you love them (platonic)

Summary: Aroace reader struggles to tell the boys they love them with the fear of not actually being romantically or sexually attracted to them. (Different prompt than above :/)

Love has always been a point of tension for you. People sometimes didn't agree with how you chose to live your life. One thing that was practically shoved down your throat was that you cannot say, or express any kind of romantically portrayed affection to anyone you weren't attracted to. You wanted to tell the boys you loved them, but you weren't sexually attracted to them. You didn't want them to take it bad or misunderstand...

Ghost 💀

You knew Ghost wasn't keen on love. He wasn't really keen on anything. So attempting to tell him you loved and appreciated him without being given a glare and a smack in the face was hard.

You usually kept to buying him gifts on the occasion, aiming to finish the paperwork he gave you early. But it all never felt like real appreciation.

You didn't want Ghost thinking that you were into him. Because that just wasn't it. You were sure he was a very attractive man, but he was your friend.

It was easier just to write him a note, put down all your complicated emotions on paper and hope he would understand. And you dropped it in his office, worried he would freak out and yell at you for everything you said.

You were looking at documents on your computer when Ghost came into your office, completely unannounced.

"Sergeant."

"Oh- lieutenant!"

He holds up the note, placing it gently on your desk. You look down, immediately feeling ashamed of what you wrote. You wanted to cower away, not knowing how he would react. Would he be mad?? He obviously thought you liked him by the way he came in.

"I'm not mad."

You flick your eyes back up, still feeling ashamed of the things you'd written.

"But I don't... Well, y'know."

"It's not like that..." You mutter, suddenly afraid to look up at him. Ghost's stance softens, voice getting a bit calmer.

"I know it's not." He steps forward and reaches out his hand, gently ruffling your hair.

You frown, looking up at him. "I love you... Just platonically. I just didn't know how to tell you..."

"Yes sergeant, I understand. Don't worry."

You smile, feeling relief fill you. "You gonna say it back??"

He huffs. "Maybe one day."

"I'll take that." You smiled and squeezed his hand. "You're a good friend Ghost. Really, you are."

The man hummed and nodded, squeezing your hand back. "Thank you I guess... You're not too bad yourself."

You chuckle and stand, eagerly embracing him. "I love you, Simon."

He tensed, but patted your back gently. "I know. Thank you."

Gaz 🧢

Gaz was quiet and reserved. Not like Ghost, but he was a private person. He preferred most of his time alone and you often wondered how Soap managed to drag him into such a tight knit friendship.

But you'd also grown close to Gaz. He wasn't as good with expressing his feelings in words he thought fit, so he just tried not to.

But you knew him for him. The music he liked, the movies and the bands. You two would spend hours just laughing and talking together in the quietness of the base, the best of friends.

You have wanted to express to Gaz how much you love him for a while now. But considering both of you couldn't get a grasp for proper words, you were afraid he would misunderstand.

You were waiting by the cargo station, knee bouncing as you waited for the plane to open. Their mission had been met with problems and there was a slim chance they'd all come back alive.

When you saw Gaz you immediately ran to him, pulling him into your arms and hugging him tightly. "Oh thank goodness."

Gaz was a little surprised but hugged you back. You both stood there like that for a bit until you said it, you didn't care. You'd bottled it in in fear for so long, and you'd almost lost him. You almost lost your best friend. "I love you so much."

Gaz didn't question it. Didn't dig into it. He only held you tighter, reassuring you he loved you back, and he wasn't going anywhere. There wasn't any need for clarification, there just was. Just two best friends so glad to be back with each other.

"You should get cleaned up. I'll make you some tea as well."

Gaz smiles. "You're awesome, thank you."

And without a second thought you both parted ways for a time.

Price 🥃

Price was a warm yet harsh soul. You'd known him for a couple years and he'd been amazing guidance for you. Always a light you could follow. In the darkest of times you could always reach for his hand and be assured you'd find it.

After a recent mission you'd come back a little scratched up. You thought you were going to die and were in tears when you walked over to Price, feeling his arms wrap around you to comfort you.

He hadn't been there with you that time. But you were relieved to be back. Even when he pulled you into his office to clean your face you were still softly crying.

"It's alright sergeant, I've got you..." Price reassured as he pressed the alcohol pad to your chin.

You sniffled, wiping a tear from your cheek. "Price??"

"Yes sergeant. I'm right here."

You sniffle. "You know I love you right?"

He looks deep into your eyes, taking a moment to process your body language and fully understand. "I love you too sergeant. I'm glad you're ok."

You nodded a little. "You... You know it's not sexual right? I'm sorry if..." You asked weakly.

"I know kiddo, I know." He patted your shoulder. "Come here, you're still a little shaken up aren'tcha?"

You nod and crawl into his arms, feeling him hug you tightly. "It's alright. I'm here."

"I love you Price." You choked out again. He softly shushed you, keeping you in his arms. "I know kiddo, I know."

Soap 🧼

Johnny was not unfamiliar with your secrets. He knew you very well and had come to learn of your lack of romantic attraction to others. Didn't change how he saw you, you were still his bestie.

He himself was conflicted in if he should tell you that he loves you. Even if it was meant to be platonic he didn't know how you might take it and wanted to remain respectful of you and your boundaries.

You laid on his bed with him, listening and joking as he told you a story about setting off a small bomb near the recruit bathrooms.

He was laughing so hard his face turned red, smiling wide as his hand brushed across yours while trying to find air.

You smiled back, gently taking his hand in yours. "Soap??" You look up at him with a slightly less whimsy gaze, contemplating the heaviness of your next words.

He slowly calmed down and looked at you. "What is it??" He could see the look in your eye and shuffled closer, getting slightly into your bubble without realizing.

You felt comfortable with him. So incredibly comfortable. All those years fretting and worrying what he'd think. All you saw right now was the smile of your best friend and how much you loved him...

"Soap, I just want you to know... You're my best friend and.." you squeeze his hand. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I love you."

John is a little quiet for a moment. "You do??"

His frown makes you worry as you rush to explain you don't mean it romantically. You just really love him as a friend and everything about him.

It makes a smile spread across his face. He takes your hand and places if against his chest. "You are the most amazing friend in the whole world y/n. I don't know what I'd ever do without you. I love you too."

You smile softly, happy to have said it. "Now tell me what happened with that buzzer." And you two jumped back into conversation.

König 🐙

You sighed, bouncing your knee in agitation. The thought of your first solo mission... You'd be lying if you said it wasn't daunting. You'd always gone on missions with König or different members from KorTac. But you'd never been assigned your own mission.

You started to question if you'd be good enough and could get home ok. It made you worry, if you'd ever come back.

You were wrapped up in your thoughts, not noticing the large figure who sat down next to you, leaning over to look at your face. "What has you looking like that y/n?"

You looked up at the sound of his voice and sighed. "I'm just nervous about the mission..."

He nodded understandingly and took your hand in his. "You'll be alright. I do not doubt your abilities one bit you know. You'll do it."

You chuckle softly. "You say that now but... What if I get hurt??"

"Then I'll come find you." He squeezes your hand. "But you will be alright."

You nod. "König? You know... You've really been a good friend. And you've helped me grow so much since I've been here... I really don't know what I'd do without you here with me."

He tutted softly. "Do not start writing the words for your obituary, y/n."

You sigh, leaning against his shoulder, relishing the last hours you have with him before you'll be sent off. "I... I love you König... You know that? You're everything to me. My best friend and-"

"Shh" he squeezes your hand. "Take some deep breaths." He smiles softly. "I love you too, but do not expect you to be going anywhere soon. Ok?"

You relax, seeing how it wasn't a big deal. Just two friends against the world with nothing to lose but each other. "Ok."

Alejandro & Rudy.

Alejandro sighed loudly, flopping down on the couch next to you and Rodolfo.

"Well well, welcome back Mr. Vargas." You chuckle, putting down your phone to see his tired expression. "How did it go?" Rodolfo asked lazily, eyes still trained on his book, curled up on the couch, his thigh against yours.

"I'm so glad to be off my feet." Alejandro sighed, grabbing the tv remote and turned it on, flipping through the shows before finding something to play.

He gets back up again and wanders into the kitchen, grabbing three ice cold drinks, tossing the other two to you guys who eagerly catch them and crack them open.

Alejandro huffs when he sits back down, taking a swig and finally relaxing. "Glad to be back with my two favorite people."

You and the boys were close enough and comfortable enough that you were ok with their physical touch, so you were used to Alejandro wrapping a respectful arm around your shoulder and you'd usually end up snuggled up, giving Rodolfo the room to join when he wanted.

Today was no different as you snuggled up to his side and felt his warmth. "Geez, maybe you need a bath. And you smell fuckin' awful." You snort.

Rodolfo chuckles and nods. "I can smell you from here Ale."

The man only rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Ya both better appreciate my presence. It's a gift."

You snuggled closer. "You work really hard for us Alejandro. You deserve all the rest today." You smile and hug his waist. You really did appreciate him. The fear and the worry of what he might think, of how he'd feel if you ever expressed it... But you went for it. You wanted him to know how much you appreciated him.

"I love you, Ale. Like I said, you're an amazing friend and you support us so much. Working your butt off like this just so we get a few hours off."

He looks down, a little surprised, but smiled softly. "I love you too y/n, I'm glad to have you at my side."

You stick out your foot, bumping your feet against Rodolfo's. "You too mister!" He looks up and smiles. "You are a good friend y/n, it's a blessing to have you with us."

"Then come here you, get in on the cuddles."

Rodolfo huffs and puts down his book, but curls up with you two as you all watch the show. Nothing better than spending time with your two favorite people.

[noroi1000]

Nyan XII - Stalker Cats

A/n: In this chapter are my arts for the chapter....I'm a bit ashamed of it because it didn't turn out pretty well. But I am sending you this. Please don't laugh 😅

The black cat hit the white cat lightly as he continued to meow.

His blue eyes looked at him questioningly from behind his glasses.

His ears still droop from being sad.

White fluff so sad. But mostly he was jealous.

It was a terrible feeling.

You didn't betray them. You just went out with your friend...

But they feel jealous of it!

They're supposed to be your cats when you go out with some other guy?!

They weren't mad at you because you sure love them. But they were mad that this guy still thought he could get you! You could only be his friend!

Can't he understand?

You were their girlfriend.

Even if you didn't know the whole truth about them, they never lied.

Why do they sometimes disappear from home? Because they are Jujutsu sorcerers. They can't stay indoors all day as cats, even if they would love to.

But unfortunately the world is unfair.

But they feel that what is happening is also an injustice.

If Yuki wanted war, he'll get war.

Is this supposed to be a rival? He doesn't stand a chance against them!

They will make him rest.

Because you are their girlfriend.

Suddenly, the white cat jumped onto the railing and jumped off the balcony, landing noiselessly on the pavement as a human.

His friend, whose girlfriend you were, landed right next to him.

Black smoke drifted lightly at his feet.

"We can't walk around as cats in the city." Satoru said, standing in a white plume of smoke.

"This is just a discovery for me. If we had at least worn the collars that (y/n) gave us, it would have been better. Some idiot wouldn't threaten to lock us in a shelter." Suguru said, taking steps forward to make the smoke disappear completely.

"You know, wearing those collars isn't so bad. At least people will see what she gave us. As if marking us as hers. Not everyone gets a collar from their sweetheart."

"When she gave it to us, she thought we were cats. Normal cats. Not people. You were the one who finally wanted to show her."

"Prefer to eat cat food from a bowl on the floor? Besides, if it wasn't for that, she'd probably be with someone else! She would have another boyfriend! Probably this guy! If we didn't hurry, it would be too late!" he said with a sad face. His cheeks were slightly grim.

"Come on, come on. You're right. And now we have to ensure that we don't lose her."

"It'll be faster as a cat." He laughed, and suddenly there was a levitating white cat in the alley.

"You know there's a dogcatcher in town?"

The cat meowed.

Basically, there was a shelter here.

However, there were a lot of stray animals on the streets, or those that had escaped and the owner couldn't find them.

They don't want to be compared to animals that have run away or been left behind.

But they also can't constantly change into a human and then into a cat.

It would be more suspicious if the two big cats disappeared and suddenly reappeared.

They are sorcerers, and people know very little about sorcerers.

They cannot know much because the world of Jujutsu is a mystery to them.

And it's best to keep it that way.

But they think you'll have to find out someday.

They will have to explain it to you in detail.

They don't want to scare you.

It was hard for you to accept that your cats turned into people. In two men!

That must have been terrible for you!

And now they have to tell you right away that they are Jujutsu sorcerers? That they have powers that normal people don't have?

That there are curses in this world?

There are curses here. Even with you. But since they're with you, nothing comes close to you.

That's why they can't leave you.

How can you react to the fact that there are monsters invisible to you?

Flying cats, cats that teleport.

Cats that turn into people.

And if you weren't with them, you would be unaware of how much you could be loved.

Even if they're half-two purrs who are jealous that you have a friend who's a guy.

And he is a bit like Ijichi. And they don't want you to replace them - handsome, tall and manly. For something like him - shorter and looks like he just went to high school. Even though he probably might be older than you.

They're just better.

That's why they will do everything to make you stop noticing your friend and pay attention only to them.

Even if they are assured of your love still because he is just a friend.

But he fell in love with you...

And you are their girlfriend. He can't just fall in love with someone else's girlfriend and want to go out with her!

Therefore, they must do something to show him clearly that he has no chance.

Because they're with you and he's about to let it go.

That's why two cats were running on the roofs of buildings, jumping between them and looking for you on the sidewalk.

The glasses disappeared from the head of the white man to find you faster.

And suddenly he jumped, clearing the way for the black cat. Causing his friend to hit his fur and they both nearly fell over.

But Gojo didn't care and looked down at the pavement.

Showing Geto that you're there.

His purple eyes met your face as I was talking to your friend, smiling. His fluffy tail twitched in annoyance.

How can someone like him make you smile? He's probably so boring!

Even though you're going to work now... They can distract you somehow.

Or do something to show that they are your boyfriends and he has no chance to change that.

Just what could they do?

They can't get your attention over the phone because they didn't take it from home.

And cats don't have pockets.

As the black cat turned to look at his white friend, he was standing on the edge of the alley, and suddenly saw a fluffy white cat jump from there.

He ran quickly to the edge, seeing the human form of his friend standing around and white smoke disappearing.

His hand was combing his hair.

His eye remained with a thin pupil until he saw you. And it became normal, or better yet, expanded. He smiled slightly.

And next to him was now a black cat that would have scared him if it hadn't sensed him coming.

Behind him moments later, Suguru was standing watching Satoru's smile.

"What do you do? Whenever you smile like that, you're planning something." He said, leaning his arm against the wall next to him.

Suddenly, he came quickly closer and grabbed your wrist, pulling you away from your friend.

"Satoru?"

He pulled you into an alley between corporate buildings and pushed your back against the wall, connecting your lips.

Making you blush, but you kissed back.

And your friend watched the scene with a little blush and wide eyes.

They win this round.

[harmonity-vibes]

A new beginning

Explicit 🔞 NO minors allowed

⭒❃Summary - After realizing her mistake, she returns to him to try and make amends. But is it too late to make amends?

⭒❃Pairing - Davis Mitchell x F!Reader

⭒❃Contents - Fluff, Angst, bestfriends to lovers, smut

⭒❃Word count - 1611

⭒❃ A/N - English is not my first language so if you spot any mistakes just bare with me. I'm sorry if I've made any syntax, spelling or tense mistakes.

This fic doesn't really follow the plot. I'm making my first attempt at writing a fic.

⭒❃ Credits - photos (pinterest) (edit by me)

For an autumn refreshment, the air isn't too bad. It's even mild. People are playing with leaves on the ground and children are running around laughing. But here I am, in front of my best friend's house. Well, former best friend…

I wonder if he's sitting on the couch right now, watching our favorite movie by the fire. Or playing video games.

I loved these little moments with him, it was relaxing and there was no judgment or criticism, we were just ourselves. Thanks to these moments, I had a crush on him, I actually fell in love with him. How could I not be in love with him, he's adorable, helpful, loyal, funny, a little destructive around the edges but he's also incredibly sexy.

I remembered that in high school all the girls were crazy about him, everyone wanted to be him. He was one of the best quarterbacks in our high school and I was proud of him, just like he was proud of me when I passed my science report.

I remember he often won games and I was in the stands cheering him on. I wasn't ashamed to shout his name so he'd know I was there for him. Those were the best years of my life.

Even though all the girls wanted his attention, he stuck by me. He once told me that I was more interesting than any of them. I remember blushing and hiding my face on his chest. Just thinking about it made my heart beat faster. I miss her touch, her warmth…

I wish I could go back in time and tell her I loved her. If I hadn't been such a coward, I'd never have lost him. Instead, I went off to see someone else. Still, I kept thinking about Davis, how he'd managed to hold my heart in his hands.

I was stupid…

The door opens, snapping me out of my reverie. He's standing there, his gaze soft and sad at the same time. Did he know I was coming?

“(Y/N), you came?” “Wh-what? How did you…” “Come on in.”

He stepped aside to let me in, I stood there skeptical, but finally entered after his nod.

Why, did he let me in? He should hate me, though. His house was simple but very warm, everything inside was comforting. If I looked carefully, I could see that he had always kept our things in common. It brought tears to my eyes.

As if reading my mind, he approached me and smiled.

“I couldn't let any part of you go so I kept them.” “Why?” It was all I could manage to say. “Because you're part of me and I can't live without them.” “What do you mean?” I said, puzzled.

He looked at me as if it were obvious, as if all the pieces of the puzzle were in front of me.

“Come on, shall we sit down for a bit?”

He guided me to the small living room, and I sat down next to him on the sofa opposite the fireplace. There were already two mugs of hot chocolate on the base table. Was he expecting someone?

“To answer your question, I was waiting for you.” “I know you're mad at me…” “Who told you I was mad at you?” “After what I did you should be!” I exclaimed. “But I'm not and do you know why?”

I nodded so he could continue. Deep inside, my heart knew why, but it wanted to hear it from his lips. Even if the other side thought otherwise, how could such an incredible man love a woman like me.

“Because I've always loved you and even now you drive me crazy, and have since we were little. Every time my parents and I came to your house, I had…No I needed to see you.”

I couldn't help but blush at his statement, it was as if I were dreaming at that moment. I lowered my head with a smile on my lips as I realized it was real after all. “Tell me why you left with Ryan?” He gripped my chin with his thumb and forefinger to force me to look at him.

“I left with him because I thought you'd never want me.” “That I'd ever want you?” Davis questioned.

The more we talked, the closer our bodies got, until our knees were pressed together. This sudden closeness gave me butterflies in my stomach and then his gaze on me drove me crazy. How had I not noticed all this before?

“I was madly in love with you and I still am. But I want to know one thing, do you have or still have feelings for me?”

I saw in his eyes that he was looking for an answer, an affirmation. So all I could do was offer him a tear-filled smile. He wiped away my tears with his thumb and brought his face close to mine, until our foreheads touched.

“I'm still in love with you, Davis, but I was too afraid you'd reject me.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He put his hand behind my neck and tried to pull me closer as if he still had distance.

“I could blow up the world for you, (Y/N). Oh lord, you know how much I love destroying things, but not you, you're far too precious to me.” We couldn't help but laugh at this simple sentence, admittedly cute, but a little psycho.

Standing next to him, I take in his features. His storm-blue eyes, his thin, pink mouth, his muscles trapped in his plain shirt and freckles dotting his face and little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. He had become even more handsome.

“You know, I like it when you look at me like that.” He smiled wryly. “But stop!” I could bet that by this time, I'd gone all red.

I put my head in his warm chest and hugged him tightly. Meanwhile, he started laughing out loud and I felt his hand move up from my neck to my head to caress it. He always knew it calmed me. “I've always loved your laugh.” “I know.”

“That's a pretty pretentious thing to say, you know?” I laughed “I'm only pretentious with you.” “But seriously, what do we do now?” I murmured, intrigued. “We could start by taking our time and then see?” “You're probably right, only time can help us.” “When you have doubts, (Y/N) come to me, okay? I don't want to lose you again.” I nodded to let him know I agreed. “I'll also come and see you if I'm not well or have doubts too.”

He took me in his arms and tightened his hold on me, as if afraid of losing me again. Before I knew it, he lifted me onto his lap and caressed my back with his two large hands.

I felt something thick and hard against my crotch and knew I was close to his cock. I never imagined it would be big and hot. I know he told me to take our time, but after three years of not seeing each other I couldn't resist another minute.

I began to discreetly rub my clothed clitoris against him. This new sensation was driving me crazy and I wanted more. I felt his hands squeeze my buttocks and push me even closer to his erection.

“Please, (Y/n) don't stop.” He moaned

He kept asking me not to stop and that's what I did, I didn't stop. I rubbed myself even harder. His grunts and groans became very loud. He couldn't stop making these obscene noises, worthy of a porn movie. The fact that it was him having this effect made me even more excited.

He suddenly took my head in his hands and kissed me with such force. It was as if something had awakened. The grip of his hands was harder but softer at the same time. After open-mouthed kisses, we pulled back to breathe. Her eyes had become darker and more intense. I'd never seen that kind of look coming from him.

“Fu-Fuuuuuck, I knew you were meant for me, darling.” My hands survey his body, touching his pecs and bulging abs, until they reach his big erection. I cup it and start making circular motions around his cock. “FUCK! If you don't stop now, I'm going to cum in my pants.” “Oh yeah?” I smiled wryly. “Please, baby go slow, you're making me super sensitive.” “Don't worry, honey, we've got plenty of time.”

I placed my lips on her neck and began to suck the soft one below her ear. I could feel shivers run through his body, smiled in victory and continued with more determination. He started moaning and grunting again, but it was more desperate envy.

“Shall we continue into the bedroom?” “I'll follow you.”

I never thought my best friend would become my boyfriend…

[not-5-rats]

What if Sugarboo and Charlie knew each other when they were younger and so when Chapter 3 happens shit is weird

I like to think at first neither of them would recognise the other, but as soon as they asked his name Boo recognised who it was. They made hints towards their history and didn't intend on conforming their suspicions but when they found themself unable to sleep thay night they decided to confront Charlie.

(A/n: Using my SB insert name for this when names are like unavoidable)

Charlie was sat out on the stairs, Boo had tried to get some sleep but there was so much going on they just had to have some clarity. Even if it was something as simple as knowing that this person was really him! So they stood up, shifted hair out of their eyes and went out to the stairs.

That's when they saw him again, Charlie sat on the stairs just staring down at the many floors beneath them. He hadn't heard the door open and Boo was kind of relieved. They could hear him murmering to himself as they slowly approached, being careful to avoid the odd stains which littered the floor

"So this is what you've been up to huh Charlie?" they settled down onto the stairs beside him causing Charlie to jump slightly and shuffle away from them timidly.

"Huh? Em yeah, I guess so? I'm sorry I don't want any trouble, definitely not with...you?" He was glancing from Boo back to the abyss below, like he was scared to look for too long, but it was clear he recognised them. Where from? He couldn't quite tell yet.

"Hm can't say I expected you, of all people, to go down this route" they shrugged before crossing their arms and leaning back against the handrails "then again you always were full of surprises weren't you?"

Charlie paused, he knew that voice, he knew this person. Wait. Realisation hit him. His mouth fell open as the words caught in his throat

"Jayden?! That you?...shit em didn't expect to see you here- you seem to be doing...well?" They smiled at his suprise "I'd say I'm doing pretty good yeah, looks like you've had better times though" Boo chuckled expecting Charlie to do the same, he didn't, his gaze fell back onto the abyss below them "Hey no need to be ashamed man" noticing the expression on his face Boo hurriedly spoke again "so you got involved with some shitty stuff, that sucks, you did some shitty things whilst involved with shitty people, that also sucks" They smiled, gently putting a hand on Charlie's shoulder as they continued "but you're a sweet guy Charlie, and just because you've made some stupid choices it doesn't mean you're any less of a good guy"

Yet this didn't seem to comfort him, "Jay, I appreciate it, I really do. But some of the stuff I've done, the stuff I've done to...those two. I'm not a good guy Jay, I got myself into all this and now I don't think I can ever get out again. I'm real sor-" he was cut of by Boo shaking roughly his shoulder

"Dude, listen to me" they had turned to face him, it was clear they were annoyed. But it wasn't because of what Charlie had done in the tiem they'd been apart it, no it was because he genuinely believe they would be mad about that kind of thing "you ain't got anything to apologise for, nothing to apologise to me for at least. Yeah I know you've been a dick at points, an absolute asswipe from what I've heard but you're able to be so much more than that! You're better than all this Charlie, even if you never saw it, I saw it and...Casper saw it too"

They both fell silent, just staring at each other. It had been hard when Casper left, hard for both of them. And in their struggle to cope with the loss of one of their closest friends they ended up drifting away from each other. They still cared about each other, all this time later, a friendship like theirs was hard to forget. All the things they had done together, the secrets they shared, it meant alot to both of them.

"You can get out of this mess Charlie" their voice was hushed but they may as well have yelled, the silence surrounding them magnifying any little sound "and if you need some help doing so...I've got your back, even now, you were my best friend and I'm still here if you need me"

There was silence once more, but a different kind of silence. It was more comfortable, the point had finally gotten through, Boo wasn't angry at Charlie for what he had done. They still cared about him just as much as when they were kids. The two sat there, just staring down at the many floors below enjoying the memories they had from the simple (well simpler) times of their childhood. The three of them, Charlie, Boo and Casper driving their families mad by getting themselves caught up in any trouble they could. Sleepovers that ended up lasting days, once even weeks. The forests/fields they explored, the flowers they planted and watched grow, the paint that permanently stained their clothes, all those stupid memories that they held so dear. They remembered the stairs just behind their school, they used to sit there for hours on end simply talking about anything they could think of and now on these stairs, in this building those memories were mirrored...only a part was missing. They both knew it, yet it didn't bother them, they were happy having found each other again and who knows maybe one day one of them could find Cas again (how wild would that be)

[emeritus-fuckers]

First off I apologize if I frequent the confessional (aka the inbox) too often. 😔 pretty new to ghost and I love your writing! Secondly, I saw you wanted fluff requests and I have one that’s not exactly fluff, it’s more hurt/comfort, but it is NOT HORNY (for once). Also since this is such a sensitive and personal topic I 100% understand if you need to refuse it!

-mental health and self harm warning-

How would Papas (or Terzo specifically if you’re short in time but still want to do the prompt) react to and comfort their s/o who feels guilty/ashamed after a mental health relapse? Feel free to keep the specific event vague for your and others’ comfort :) (I recently self harmed and have found a lot of comfort in thinking about my Papa telling me he’s still proud of me and that I’m getting better, still recovering, etc.)

Once again, this is a very difficult topic for many people so I completely understand if this is outside of your comfort zone. (If it is a reject, I would greatly appreciate it if you could reply privately.)Write what you love and have a wonderful day! ❤️

While I usually respond to asks with a little comment, I've already said everything in the dms. For everyone else, though, a reminder: this is a comfort zone for you. If there is anything going on, please don't hesitate message my main if you want to talk about it. I'm here for you. - Jez

Papas self-harm comfort

TW: mentions of self-harm, poor mental health.

Primo

He notices right away. Or maybe he just knows. It's unclear.

He takes you to the garden, knowing that it was a comfort space for you both.

Talks to you about flowers, but you can tell there's something more he's getting to. So you wait, listening to how fondly he would speak about the plants.

"Do you like roses, amore? I find them particularly loveable, even despite their thorns. Over the years, I've hurt myself on them many times, but I can't bring myself to hate them. After all, they're just trying to defend themselves this way, since they don't know that I also protect them."

Something about this little speech made you realize that he knew what you did. And just like that, it all hit you hard enough to make you fall to your knees and start crying, mumbling how sorry you were.

He would carefully help you up and take you to the nearest bench and sits there with you, holding you and rubbing soothing circles onto your back.

"I know it's difficult, my love. I know. But I'm here with you now. I won't hate you or leave you because you're hurting. You just couldn't handle it anymore, could you?"

His voice is so soft and you can hear he's sad, beating himself up over not noticing it earlier, before you relapsed.

"But it's going to get better now. I'm here to protect you. I'll help you get through this."

Secondo

He's always been very direct, which might be why so many people in the Ministry considered him a prick.

The moment he notices just how often you pull your sleeves down is the moment he calls you over to go talk in his room.

He asks to see your arms. And your terrified eyes tell him everything. You've relapsed.

He seemed angry, clenching his fists. And that scared you even more, you almost ran away, but he caught you and pulled to you his chest.

He held you so tight, he almost knocked the air out of your lungs.

And that's when you realize, he's not mad at you. He's mad at himself. He's mad that he let that happen.

And so you both just hold onto each other for a while before he picks you up and carries you to bed. He tucks you in and goes to make dinner for you.

He just kinda goes into house husband mode?

He tries his best to make you feel safe and loved.

He trusts you to talk to him when you're ready. And until then, he's practically glued to you.

Terzo

He knew something was wrong when you didn't return his affection with your regular enthusiasm. At first he thought maybe you were just in a bad mood, but he kept observing you just in case.

After a while he pulled you aside, taking you to his room to talk. He sat on the bed with you, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around you.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" He would ask quietly, resting his cheek on top of your head as you curled up to cuddle to him some more.

He could tell you were hesitant, but he wanted to make sure you were comfortable before you spoke. So he just held you and rocked you, kissing the top of your head and humming a soft tune to you.

When you finally opened up, telling him that you've relapsed and started hurting yourself again, he holds you tighter and stays quiet for a while.

After a few minutes, he'd ask if you'd be comfortable to show him where you did it. If you did, he would kiss around your scars, the old and fresh ones, his lips incredibly gentle against your skin.

He lets you cry it out, holding you against his chest.

He wants you to feel safe with him. To know that you can always come to him and talk.

Copia

When you tell him one evening that you need to have a serious conversation with him, he can already tell it's gonna be bad. Although his assumption was that you wanted to break up with him.

But, as it turned out, it was way, way worse.

You already confided in him that you used to hurt yourself, but he never thought you'd relapse!

He's very sad, but tries his best not to show it and just holds you for a while.

He would try and gently ask you for the reason. Did he fail to see the signs? Oh, he did, didn't he?

He's upset with himself that he couldn't prevent it.

Quietly begs you to come to him whenever you have thoughts about hurting yourself again, no matter what he's doing.

Offers to get you a nice therapist.

Tries to make you happier however he can. Dedicates all his free time to you.

Plays video games with you, lets you play with his rats, he's by your side whenever possible.

He really hopes that's at least close to being enough.

Old Nihil

He's incredibly confused when he found out.

This man does not see a single flaw in you, he views you as above perfection.

And for whatever reason, you harmed yourself???

It does not make sense to him. He demands to have you called to his bedroom so he can question you.

He's even more shocked as you break down, crying and apologizing.

"Hey, hey now, stop crying, okay?"

He's just... So awkward as he pats your shoulder and assures you that he loves you, he just really has no clue why you'd want to do that!

He wants you to explain everything to him just so he can tell you you're wrong and interrupting you with his own views of him.

He tries, okay?

Young Nihil

This fucking dumbass...

His first reaction is literally "Why the fuck would you do that?!"

He's in shock and it's basically a defensive reaction.

He doesn't understand why you'd do something so stupid???

He might yell at you at first and only realize after a moment that he's making it worse.

So he apologizes, still a bit grumpy about it, but he holds you close.

"Listen, just... Just don't do that. Okay? I don't wanna lose ya."

He might actually tear up about it once you're asleep. His life was filled with fuck-ups and he'd hate it if he'd lose you.

He's gonna pay more attention to you from now on.

And he's gonna do his best to take care of you.

He's an idiot and he lets him emotions get the better of him, but he really does love you. He' just bad at showing it. Really bad.

[herbatalover]

Could I request something with Charles? Perhaps male reader is too shy cause why would big handsome Charles ever want with them? Or something like that? Feeling extra insecure today myself lol

Again, I'm really sorry it took so long. I got problems with notifications, but here is something I came up with! I hope you'll like it

★★★★★

Charles x m!reader

It was pathetic. You were pathetic and you knew it.

You were sitting by the campfire, staring at it blankly. Most people already went off to sleep, leaving you alone with his thoughts and a drink in his hand. Sad, sure, but what else can you do when you got a hopeless crush on someone out of your league? Not only that, but on someone who's the same gender?

Now, you see, most people in the camp didn't have a problem with someone being queer. Hell, with Bill Williamson being one there was no chance for any mean comments (Micah being an exception, but I don't think we're surprised).

But that wasn't the problem. The problem was that the crush was Charles Smith himself. And as sweet and nice as he was, you couldn't risk possibly hinting at it and getting shot down. Mostly because he was too dear for you to see the awkwardness or disgust on his face. Or maybe it was the fact you were afraid he'd laugh at your face, or worse, get mad.

In the corner of your eye, you saw someone sitting down next to you. You turn your head there, noticing Bill, having his own drink. He took a swig, then looked at you.

"Tough night?"

"Tough few months..." You sigh. The man was looking at you quietly, then chuckled.

"You're sweet on someone"

"Excuse me?" You turn to him, surprised. He wasn't good at reading people, you know that. So the thought your crush was so visible sent you into slight panic.

"You're sweet on someone. I'm not surprised, many folks are fond of the ladies" He shrugged. You were staring at him quietly, then turned back to the fire as he started guessing who might it be.

"Is is Karen? She's attractive, even I know this. Tilly maybe? Or Sadie? Sadie is a hard fork partner, you'll wantnto be careful with-"

"It's a man" you muttered under your breath. You thought it was barely above a whisper, but the way he went awfully quiet made your head turned away. He likes men, you knew this, but it still felt like something to be ashamed of.

"... A man?" He repeated. You just shook your head.

"No, you overhead"

"I'm dumb L/N, but I'm not deaf" he rolled his eyes. You turn to him quietly. The shame must've been visible in your eyes, because his looks immediately softened when he looked at you. Or maybe it was pity?

"Forget it. Please"

"Y/N" he sighed. "You can trust me. Look, I might not be the best listener, but this is one topic I know how to help with"

You just look down in to your hands. The thought of letting it out, talking it through with someone seemed nice. But scary as well.

"Who is it?"

You held your breath. There it was, the question that could set you free or bring all hell upon you. You tried to come up with something, an excuse, anything. But then came a moment of braveness. So...

"It's Charles"

"Charles?!" Bill spat his drink out, coughing surprised. You shushed him quickly, not wanting anyone else to hear.

"Shut up!!"

"Sorry, sorry-" he cleared his throat, calming down. "It's just... I already expected Arthur-"

"Arthur's nice, but he's more of a brother to me" you sigh. He nodded slowly.

"... Do you want to tell him?"

"God no-" you shook your head. "he'll just reject me"

"Why do you think so?"

"Why do you not?? He obviously likes women!"

"Oh please! If anything, he loves animals over life" he muttered, waiving his hand and turned to you. "Give it a go, trust me. I... Spoke with him"

You went quiet.

You had to know everything.

"You spoke?? When?? Why?? What about?? Anything about me?? Did he-"

"Jesus, hold your horses partner!" Bill raised his hands. "Yesterday. He had to get something of his chest. He might... Like you too"

All the world started spinning around you. Charles Smith himself might like you. That's all you ever dreamed of. Bil chuckled "So I'd say, go an tell him! You might be surprised"

"...and what if he doesn't like me?"

"Doesn't like you? Oh, well then screw him! There are other guys and gals better than him!" But there wasn't. He was the best one. Yet you still smiled at Bill's attempts to make you feel better.

"Thank you" you nodded. "You really helped"

"Yea, well... When you live being sweet on someone, you learn such things towards others"

You blinked surprised, opening your mouth, ready to ask about it, he already got up, walking off.

"Goodnight Y/N"

"... Goodnight Bill"

★★★★★

You woke up early, ready to make it happen. You'll ask Charles out. Were you terrified? Absolutely. But you were also confident. After last night talk with Bill, you got tot thinking. And you figured, if he does reject you, you'll just make it look like you got shot accidentally on the next mission. No embarrassment if you don't see him again, right?

Either way, either social death or literal death. Both felt almost the same.

You walk out of your tent, going to the campfire to grab some food. You're soar and tired, but it'll go away. You stop when Charles called your name. You turn to him, the familiar nervousness, rush of heart and cold sweat appearing. You smile at him. "Yes?"

"We need to talk" he said, face serious, eyes cold.

And just like that all the confidence, all the energy boost, all the braveness went to hell. Your plan didn't exist anymore. You simply panicked.

Why does he want to talk to you? Did you do something? Your mind quickly rushed through all the possibilities. No, you don't think so... Maybe Bill talked with him, and how he doesn't want to do anything with you? That's high possibility.

Or what if Micah overheard you? Oh, then you'd be dead in everyone's eyes.

Your breathing quickened, chest squeezed, vision becoming blurry. Every bad scenario that could possibly happen was playing through your head.

But then you took a deep breath. Grounding yourself, remembering that nothing happened yet. He just needed to talk. You don't know about what. It might be both good and bad. You just had to stay calm.

Yet you were fucking scared.

★★†★★

You were waiting at the spot you were supposed to meet with Charles. It was further away from the camp, which again striked up the nervousness in you. But maybe it's not that bad. Maybe it's just something he's shy about and only trusts you to tell you about it? So you waited.

You waited a long time. What if it was just to humiliate you? In a second Sean and Javier will jump out from behind the trees, laughing at you. Yet nothing happened. So you waited.

Then came a spark of hope. Maybe he was nervous too? Maybe he did like you and decided to ask you out? He was naturally a shy man, yet you knew he could have a... Wild side. But it made you excited. Brought back the confidence in you. So you waited.

Soon enough, you heard footsteps. You turned there, noticing Charles coming.

"I'm sorry it took so long, Reverend didn't want me to get past without listening to his ballad about whiskey" he sighed as you chuckled.

"Not a problem. You wanted to talk?"

"Talk? Ah, yes..." He nodded. He seems nervous. Score.

"I... Actually wanted to talk about us"

That was enough. Before he could say anything else, you grabbed his collar, pulling down and just kissed him.

His lips were soft, surprisingly well taken care of. They were warm and you could still taste Pearson's stew on them and some morning coffee. But non of those bothered you, not even a bit.

Charles tensed up, surprised, yet raised his hands, placing them on your cheeks. And when you thought he'd kiss back, he softly pushed you away.

And there it is again, that horrible feeling like you'd be about to faint. You looked at him, panicking. Vision blurry again. But then he said something that surprised you.

"I wanted to do it first" he muttered, chuckling awkwardly. You blinked, calming down, then smiling softly. As sweet as always. "But I wanted to tell you about it first"

"Oh- I'm sorry!" You chuckled, embarrassed. You went too quick. But he didn't seem mad, at thankfully.

He then took your hands in his, walking closer to you, looking into your eyes.

"Y/N... You're an amazing man with a sweet soul and a great heart. I've liked you for as long as I remember, and I wanted to thank you for being with me this whole time. But I don't think friends are something I can stand any longer. I want to be something better. Someone more important"

Now, as much as it was sweet, it was greatly surprising. Charles rarely talked about his feelings, let alone people he's sweet on. So... You felt honoured. And touched.

No wonder it took for him so long to come. He was stressed. Maybe even as much as you. Or more.

No, he'd be dead if it was more.

He then pulled you into a warm hug. Holding you close, nuzzling to you.

"Will you go out with me?"

You honestly felt like you could fly. Years of dreaming and begging faith for one chance... And you got it. Now you'll be damned if you screw this up. The plan with "accidentally getting shot" wouldn't sound so bad then.

But you smiled as you looked up to him.

"Gladly"