#that said tho i am reminded once again of how easy it is to lose sight of yourself with stress anxiety n being alone

[noxtivagus]

I GOT THIS

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

Heartless - a criminal minds episode\\part 3

part 1, part 2, materlist

- english is not my first language please exuse any spelling or grammer mistakes.

- this case is made up

- it happens around the.. 6th season, i think? so the team is Hotch, dave, Morgan, Prentiss, JJ and reid

- it will end up being Reidxreader kinda, tho my main focous is to create a plot line for an episode with a (y\n) charecter.

- lmk what you think - i try to make the charectes as in charecter i can :)

"it's a female, around the age of 24. she has an engagment ring on, and her heart missing, so we belive this is the same offender as the earlier crimes" the forensic team leader said, "she was strangled, real bad, i mean, she was dead for half the time she was strangled". Reid looked at Dave, they were both thinking the same thing. "that's the same overkill we saw on the other female victim" Dave finally said. "the dump site is different" (y\n) says. "yeah, so far it was allys, but this is a more public space - there is an ally about half a mile from here, but instead he chose to leave the body in the middle of the street" Reid says. (y\n) can't help but smile at the fact Reid agreed with them.

"he's getting bolder, or he could be trying to make a statment" Prentiss says. "won't he pose the body a certin way if he's making a statment?" officer Williams chimed in. "well, yes and no. putting the body out in the open could be a warning for cheaters. I mean, we relesed the profile, people know why he is targeting these specific victims" Derek says, looking around in hopes to notice a detail they missed. "once we have an identification on this vistim, we should have Garcia check if she was cheating" Prentiss says. "and monitor the fiances house for any packages" JJ adds.

"he did pose the body a certin way" (y\n) says. "huh?" JJ wonders, and her eyes follow the direction (y\n)s were set on, right across from the body. "the bakery across the street?" JJ said, "why would that be-" she wondered, but than she noticed the name on the bright pink sign. "rose's goods" JJ said. "that's one of the bakeries the wedding venues work with" Reid reminded everyone, tho you didn't need an eidetic memory to remember that."well, now we know for sure the unsub must be connected to the venues, but how?" Dave asked, putting everyones thoughts to words.

…

"okay, guys, our latest victim, Maya, was not cheating. i can not find anything remotly suspitius. the only man she was sending heart emojies to other than Roy, Her fiance, is her best friend David who is most definatly a friend of dorothys" Garcia says. "that's how gay men identified eachother in the 40, it is based on the charecter of Dorothy fro-" Reid starts one of his infamous info dumps, but Hotch cuts him off with a simple "yes Reid, we are aware of that". "okay" Reid mumbles, slightly disappointed he didn't get to finish, his eyes travel to the floor.

"well, if the unsub was'nt aware of the fact David is gay, he could have misinterpret their texts as flirting" Prentiss says. "it was pretty easy to see, i mean, he has photos of him and his boyfriend on social media" Garcia sighs. "that could mean he's devolving, the texts were enough to prove his.. delusion, he didn't care enough to dig deep like he did with the earlier victims" JJ says.

"guys, i just had a thought" (y\n) says, "i know we profiled a psycopath, and i am not saying we were wrong - but what if sending the hearts to the fiance is not meant to hurt them? what if in his delusion, he is giving the fiance what they deserved - the heart of their deceased partner?".

"that would make perfact sense - i mean, he took the term hertless as literal as it gets" Reid agrees with (y\n) once again and they couldn't be more proud. "if that's the case, he could be having a phsycotic break of some sort" JJ suggest. "and he is most definatly losing his grip on reality. we need to find him, and we need to do it soon" Hotch says.

…

"well, there are 26 males who got left by their cheating fiances, 3 of those were engaged to a man and 3 were over 30, so that leaves us with 20 potentional unsubs" Garcia says over the phone. "told you" Reid mumbles in his know-it-all tone, but no one takes it to heart. "does any of them have a connection to the wedding venue company?" Prentiss asks. "well, give me a minute… uhg… yes! Ron Sawyer works for a bakery connected to the venues, Eren Nicolas works for a security company that was hired by them a few times and Zayn Thompson is a florist who…" Garcia starts, and JJ finishes for her. "works at a flower shop that's connected to the venues" she says. "yeah" Garcia says, sighing. "were any of them at the venues at the days that the four victims visited there? i mean, we only lookes at the venues employees on our initial search" JJ sugests. "i'll get back to you on that in a few moments babes" Garcia smiles through the phone.

…

"the garden of eden venue… we still need to check. all venues had a breaching point, what if they also had a weak spot? our unsub may not be connected to the venues but sneak up there somehow, or get in through a false identety…" Prentiss says. "well, they refused to talk to us, they won't cocperate…" Derek sighs. "what if they didn't know they were talking to agents?" JJ sugestes, "i can go in with Reid, pretend we are a couple looking at venues". "if they saw us delivering the profile, they would know you are an agent…" Dave dismisses her idea, "we can't risk that, they could make a fuss". silence falls in the room until Hotch breaks it: "they never saw (y\n)".

all of the eyes in the room turn to (y\n). "no, no, i can't possibly do this, i- i am not quelified for this at all, and yeah, i took theater in high school, but i only played a small part-" they start to rumble, but dave laughs. "well, you know what they say, there are'nt any small parts, just small actors".

…

"i cannot belive that i am doing this" (y\n) sighs. "well, we will get through this. together" Reid smiles at them, offering them his hand. "fine" they sigh once again and take it. His skin is softer than they expected, not that they ever wonderd how his skin feels, because that is just weird, and holding his hand was… nice, really nice. more than they thought it would be. not that they thought about how that would be, you know, they only thought about it now, because of the assigment and not because they had a crush on the pretty wonder boy. no. most definetly no.

"are you okay?" Reid asks, stopping at the entrence. "yeah, i'm good, just, uh, nervous" (y\n) admits, not disclosing the reason they are nervous. it may have been a small part, but they nailed it. pretending to be Spencers fiance could be the straw that breaks the camels back, forcing them to admit to themselves what they've been ignoring ever since they joined the BAU. "well, you have nothing to be nervous about, i am sure you will love it here" An obnoxious voice the agents assumes belongs to the infamous DIane says. today she is wearing a bright green suit, her head up in a pony-tail so tight even Jojo Siwa would'nt wear it.

the three go in, and walk around. "this is the main entrence…" Diane starts, and she continues to talk but Reid and (y\n) are both not focosing on what she is saying. they look around, trying to look for an easy breach. they look at the people around, trying to see if theres anyone walking alone, looking at the venue. "-and now, would you like to see the yard? you got here just in time, we are holding a tasting in just a few minitues" Diane says.

"oh, my love, that sounds great" Spencer smiles, his hand leaving (y\n)s to place it on their waist. "it does" they smile back, resting their hand on his shoulder - he is much taller than them - to pull themselves up, and now that they have easy access they place a kiss on his left cheek, making the both of them blush. "oh, you two are just too cute" Diane smiles, but her eyes meet those of the man waving at her from behind the 'couple'. "excsue me" she smiles at them, "uh, Zayn!" she says, grabbing the forearm of an employee, "get them a glass of wine, won't you?". "yes maam" Zayn says, and dissaperas to get it, going in the opposit direction she is.

"i am sorry if i crossed the line by kissing you, i felt we need to sell it a bit more so she won't get suspicious" (y\n) says awkwardly. "oh, no, it was fine, even nice. a nice touch, i mean" Spencer says, almost letting the way he words the sentence reveal his true feeling about that small, innocent kiss.

…

"hey there choclate thounder" Garcia's voice sounds from the other side of the line. "hey there baby girl, got any updates for me?" Derek says. "you already know i do" Garcia's usual snark laced in her voice, "so, none of them were in the venues at all 4 days, but two of them were working on two of the days, they could have used their easy access to the premiss for the other two couples" Garcia says. "what are the venues they were at?" JJ asks. "well, Ron Sawyer was at the Crystall ballroom and the Garden of eden" Garcia says. "okay, and the other one?" Prentiss asks. "Zayn thompson, he was also at the crystal ballroom and at the whispearing willow" Garcia says.

"well, JJ and i checked The enchanted Castle venue, with the broken fence. if he was working for them he could have known that, he could have snuck in there and if he was caught just say he's there for work" Dace says. "when i talked with the whispearing willow after the last murder, they said their security is tight, that's impossible to get inside unless you are supposed to be there" Derek says. "well, that would make Zayn our more likely unsub, Garcia, what more do you have on him?" Hotch asks, and when Garcia come through with answears he sounds like the perfect fit.

"well, his parents got a divorce when he was 15, his dad cheated on his mom with the woman from next door who was also married at the time. he got suspended from school 4 tomes, all of those because of fist fights and other violent behavior. he's been a florist for about six months, but he is very, very good at his job, quick learner. before that he worked at cyber security, but he started performing horrible 8 months ago and got fired a month after. it appears that he was engaged to a Viola Gardner, but there aren't any photos of them together from later than… 8 months ago. their wedding was meant to take place at the Garden Of Eden venue and it did, i found photoes from the event on his friends socials… oh god" Garcia stops her word flow. "what is it?" Hotch asks. "Viola got engaged three weeks ago, to a Henry Lewis" Garcia says in shock.

"that must have been the trigger" JJ says. "and his Father chating with a married woman, sounds like a stressor to me" Derek says. "Garcia, where is he now?" Prentiss asks. "well, he is…" Garcia says, and the sound of her keyboard clicks is heard through the phone, "… at the Garden of eden venue, that's where.. that's where Spence and (y\n) are, right?".

"Prentiss, let them know the suspect is with them, they should locate him, tell them we are on our way" Hotch orders, and the team leaves the office.

[joy-drops]

this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

[asteriismos]

flashing lights — bill denbrough

pairing: bill denbrough x fem! reader

warning(s): smut, eighteen! bill denbrough, is it choking if he doesn’t squeeze?, fingering, piv sex, cursing, ig kinda degrading idk tho judge for yourself, unedited

summary: bill, the star baseball player of derry, and you, from another high school, meet in the locker room and get to know each other. 

words: 3.1k

note: don’t say i never gave you anything i am a woman of my word

sitting here in the bleachers adjacent to the baseball field, with the setting sun in your gaze and the feeling of newly spring wind on your skin, you had high hopes that your schools baseball team would win. out of all the schools in lieu with your own, bangor high school, derry’s team was the most anticipated of in the season. where most high schools in the nation favored the fall sport of football, the central part of maine where you lived actually liked baseball more, so when the first sprouts of spring showed, everyone was excited for the next season. 

you were a senior, almost finished with school and personally tasked yourself and your group of friends with trying to go to every single baseball game that you all could make it to - whether they were at home or away. 

“look, he’s up to bat,” your friend marcella said, catching your attention by lightly tapping your shoulder and motioning to the field. there you saw your close friend owen, who was the star player of your school’s team and one of your friends since you were a little kid. he was the person who introduced you to the group that you were here with now, here specifically to cheer him on. 

you saw him walk to home plate, bat in hand and getting into position to swing. your eyes took you across from him to the pitcher of the other team, who you didn’t know but could see the name displayed on the back of his shirt. denbrough. you raised your eyebrow at the last name, it didn’t ring a bell. 

the crowd started to cheer for your friend, waiting for denbrough to throw the first pitch. everything became silent, and the ball was thrown with stellar accuracy. whoever this denbrough boy was, he was seemingly a really good pitcher. when the second ball was thrown and owen missed yet again, your hand ran through your hair nervously. you could hear people whispering all around you, wondering if he was going to strike out. 

just as if someone of the heavens was listening to the anxious worries of your fellow classmates, denbrough went to throw the ball and owen swung and the ball went flying, going straight for the outfield as owen ran with all his might to first base. you cheered with your friends, yelling words of encouragement and praise towards your team. 

the game, from that point, was in your high schools favor. it was seemingly decided almost halfway through that bangor high school had it in the bag, which did nothing for any person in your crowds ego. just as the last inning was finished, your school came out victorious. 

“hopefully this means that we’re going to the championships this year,” you heard people say. “and maybe we can host it at our school so we don’t have to drive all the way out here again.” 

you were anxious to see your friend, running down the stairs of the bleachers and shouting his name, but owen didn’t hear you. sighing, you turned to your group to say, “should we get back home?” the team would have to come back by bus anyways, which sucked, because you wanted to congratulate your friend on such a good win. 

“yeah, probably before it gets too late, you know how bad those backroads are,” jake stated. “do you want to catch a ride with me? im sure marcella can take your car back.” 

half of you wanted to go with them and just see owen later, but to you, it felt like poor taste to make him wait that long. plus, maybe you could catch him before he left. you shook your head, “no, i’ll stay. i want to see the team. go without me, I'll see you tomorrow.” 

jake laughed. “okay, just don’t get lost.” he wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing manner and walked away, taking your friends with him and leaving you alone in the front of derry high school. 

you had been here once before, just for a short while and after a baseball game like right now. but that was all the way back during freshman year when you were trying to find the bathroom, you really had no idea where the locker rooms were. 

opening the large door, you started along the main hallway, looking at the posters that aligned the wall that reminded you of your own school. derry was really similar in layout, so perhaps it wouldn’t be that hard. turning the corner, you saw a sign that pointed to the gym and the locker rooms. in no time you were there, but there was no one coming out of the doors. had they already left and you missed them? it was silent. 

you put your ear to the door and listened, hearing some rustling. you knocked, but there was no answer, making you raise your eyebrow. and you don’t exactly know what prompted you to open the wooden door and make your way inside, but you did, and along the array of closed lockers, your eyes took you to the one person who was in there. 

it was the denbrough pitcher. 

you got a good look of him now, with his honeyed locks that fell messy on his forehead, standing taller than you. his back was slightly turned to you and through his jersey you could see his toned back muscles, making you lose yourself for a moment and send you almost stumbling over your feet. you knew that he was attractive from the moment you set your eyes on him but you didn’t know that he was this attractive. 

he turned around now and immediately those dazzling cerulean blue eyes landed on you, making your face heat up in realizing that this was not the visitors locker room like you had intended on trying to find. 

“sorry,” you fumbled out after a moment of shameless staring. “I was looking for my friend.” denbrough tilted his head to the side and you watched him take out a bag and push his locker door closed. instead of walking out like you should’ve, you just stood there watching him. it was in poor taste, since the longer you looked at him, you could see clearly that he was angry. 

a tiny grin came to his face. “it’s fine, no one’s in here except me anyways.” a silent moment passed and then a quizzical look came to his face, eyes falling back on you. “wait . . . weren’t you cheering on the other team?” he had noticed you, just as you were now noticing him. the room seemed a lot smaller than it had earlier and you ignored the fluttering feeling in your stomach the longer he stared at you. you didn’t even know his name. 

“yeah, it was a good game,” you shrugged your shoulders. 

“we should’ve won that game.” 

a cocky grin splayed on your features. “well, im sure you’ll get another shot next time.” you would have to play them again to secure a spot in the championships, it was still rather early in the season anyways. 

“will you be at the next game?” denbrough asked, he walked closer to you now, and there was a look in his eyes that was not easy to mistake. he was looking at you like you were a full course meal and he was the hungriest man on earth. and you liked the way that he looked at you, this gorgeous boy that you had barely met, and you wanted him to keep looking at you like that. well, you would rather him be doing other things. “maybe we could go do something together afterwards.” now you were certain of his likeness for you. 

you gave him a smirk. “well, i don’t know about that, i wouldn’t want to get involved with the opposing team.” when he noticed you were directly giving back the same energy he was giving, his feet stopped so he was just inches away from you. it took everything in you to keep yourself from grabbing him by those large muscles and - 

in a moment of weakness or just pure idiocy, you did exactly as you thought, lunging yourself forward, hands reaching for his face and pulling him into a searing kiss. when he reciprocated your movements, you had to stop another smirk from rising to your face, pushing it down and focusing on your hands that made it’s way to his soft hair. 

your kiss was unexpected by denbrough, though seemingly not unwelcome since his hands found their place exploring your sides, not being exactly gentle with his touches which you didn’t mind. this was so unlike you, doing something like this with someone you didn’t know. and to be honest, it was unlike him, too. 

but both of you were giving each other the ‘fuck me’ eyes and well, you only live once, right? 

as the kiss became more sloppy and he broke it to press kisses to your jawline and trailing down your neck, you breathed out and closed your eyes. “I don’t even know your name.” you sighed into his touches though, not really caring what his name was but knowing that it would probably be useful sometime soon. 

denbrough came back up to meet your gaze. “it’s bill,” he gave you a grin. “pleasure to meet you.” there was a sense of teasing in his tone, which you would’ve laughed at if his hands weren't reaching for where your shirt met your pants. 

“y/n,” you said weakly, already feeling your legs start to give out by the way that he was looking at you. you reached out to bill, wanting to feel his body pressed against yours again. he chuckled at your eagerness, giving you what you wanted by slowly pushing you against the lockers behind you. you felt the cool metal through your shirt and instantly realized how hot it was getting in this locker room, your skin was already on fire. 

bill reattached his lips to your skin and you spent the time trying to undo the belt that was around his pants that nicely accentuated everything that you wanted from him. thank god for baseball pants. 

tentatively, you pressed your hips against his and you heard a groan leave his throat, his lips stalling for a moment and then going back to his earlier movements. you were well aware of how excited he was, taking a moment to note that you could feel that he was absolutely fucking enormous. 

of course he was. 

as if he had enough of this teasing, his hand reached down and went straight under the band of your pants, being met with the wetness that was gathering in your panties. you bucked your hips forward into his hand and he smirked at how compliant you seemed to be with him. his other hand was gripping your side, keeping you close to him while the other pushed your panties to the side and the pad of his pointer finger came into contact with your slit. 

you moaned out and bill covered your mouth with his own, not kissing you but keeping it there. “so tell me,” he said, breath hot against you, finger tracing a line from your slick folds to your clit, making you almost keel over if it hadn’t been for his hand keeping you up and body pressing you farther into the locker. “this friend of yours, he was on your team wasn’t he?” 

you nodded, not trusting your voice. but he didn’t seem to like that, his hand stalling and not moving no matter how much you tried to gain friction. 

“answer me with words,” the hand on your side coming up to the bottom of your throat so you were forced to look at him in the face, those blue eyes on him seemingly had become darker. 

you took in a sharp breath. “yes,” you answered. his movements started again, but this time he took one finger and pushed it inside you till he was knuckle deep in, a large moan falling off of your tongue, eyes rolling to the back of your skull. 

“and how do you think he would feel seeing you like this for me? the star player of the other team?” bill’s tone was condescending and you wondered if he was normally like this, or he was just angry about the outcome of the game. his finger sped up, soon being joined with another one that slipped in with ease. you were so wet for him already. “but you wouldn’t care, would you?” 

it was seemingly rhetorical, because he didn’t wait for you to answer and instead attached his lips to your throat, teeth grazing a point that had you gasping, hand coming and tugging on those locks of his, the other falling to his neck. 

“bill,” you muttered. “please just-” you were cut off by a moan, gripping him close as his thumb came into contact with your clit and rubbed tight circles against it. 

he looked up at you from the mess he was creating on your neck. “please what?” 

“just fuck me.” 

you were really in no position to be making such requests since bill seemed to be in control (which really, you didn’t mind if it meant that he was making you feel good in the process), but at this point you were too strung out to care what he thought of the rather forward request. you knew that you needed him and you needed him now. 

bill pulled away from you and you took in his now ragged features, noticing the tint of red in his cheeks and the freckles that dotted them, and the goldenness that he seems to radiate. in some ways you hoped that this wouldn’t be your only encounter with the denbrough boy, but that was something to worry about later, since his hands were undoing the rest of his belt and you knew that was your cue to do the same with your own pants. 

soon enough you were back in the same position, one of his hands next to your head on the locker behind you as he moved to position his cock at your entrance, eyes meeting with yours as he pushed in to look at your reaction. and it was everything that he hoped to see, your mouth opening into an ‘o’ shape, lips parted and eyes never leaving his own. 

once he bottomed out, he already started a fast rhythm, giving you little to no time to adjust. but you were so needy you didn’t care, not one bit because he was making you feel so good that you wished for this moment to last forever. and you were already so wet and willing, bill couldn’t wait a second longer. 

your hands gripped onto his forearms, steadying yourself, but it was hard to keep your legs from giving out. bill must've noticed your struggle and leaned down, grabbing you by the back of your thighs and hoisting you up in his arms, using the leverage of the locker to fuck into you. 

the change in position made you quiver in his arms like putty, arms wrapping around his neck and caging him close to you. incoherent words fell from your mouth that wouldn’t close no matter how hard you tried, while his pace became fast, rough, and unrelenting. you didn’t know bill well but you could tell that he was adamant about making you feel good, which fueled the fire inside of you even more. 

if he was tired from playing the game, he didn’t even show it. bill fucked into you with such a frenzy that it was almost animalistic, which made you wonder how much energy this boy possibly had. what you didn’t know was it was your moans what were spurring him on, your moans that kept him going. bill had already been to point of exhaustion from the game but you were able to give him a second wind and he was not fucking up this one like he had fucked up in the game. his determination both of the field and in this moment caught up with him and well, he was bringing all of his emotion out. 

and you loved it so much that you couldn’t think straight. all you could do was try and keep yourself still, words stringing together into barely put together sentences of oh fuck yes and that feels so good. 

it was a moment of pure bliss that you didn’t even feel yourself start to clench around him, noticing it finally when you felt every inch of him scrape against your willing walls, bringing you closer to that cliff into a sea of pleasure that only he could give you. what finally made you break was the groans that he was making, which were hot and heavy and like heaven to your ears that you knew you would be playing on repeat before you went to sleep tonight. 

and then his hand slipped between your legs, pressing up against your swollen clit and that was it. you were sent into a state of pure, fucked out bliss as you came around him, your moans everything but silent. luckily there seemed to be no one around to hear, and if they did they didn’t bother with stopping it.

a few thrusts afterwards and with an insistent command from you to cum inside you because you were on the pill, bill came undone and it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen in his life. as if this boy couldn’t get more perfect, haven been basically sent to you on a gift from god himself. he pulled out and you could feel the evidence slightly dripping out of you and onto your thighs. 

there was a moment of cleaning up, where he actually grabbed a towel from his locker and helped you wipe away everything and eventually sit down onto the bench between the sides of lockers. where you thought would be awkwardness, there wasn’t, a few words passed between the two of you and then you told him that you should go, you had to drive home. 

surprisingly, he asked if you needed help and then you remembered you barely knew him and shook your head. it was late anyways, he probably had things to do. 

and when you got control of your limbs again (which bill cheekily smirked at), you walked out of the high school, him trailing behind you. you gave him one last look before parting ways, and in the heat of the moment, you told him your number and to call him if he ever wanted to get together again. 

[literaphobe]

Two questions:

1. What do you feel about CorpsexSykunno ship?

I feel like it's MarkiplierxJacksepticeye all over again, starts out innocent and turns uncomfortable.

(Also I think real people shipping is gross in general)

2. Dream smp makes me so nervous, not necessarily because of any of the members but due to (1) the history of online teams dominated (and lead) by male influencers, (2) minecraft youtube's general history of exploiting fans. I feel like it's going to end badly. You seem to be enjoying it tho, and it's definitely up my alley, should I get into it?

1. Corpse and Sykkuno are not comfortable being shipped! Neither of them are okay with being shipped with ANY of their friends in general, so like, don’t do it, or if u do like. i guess just don’t say anything about it? it’s really not hard to just enjoy their friendship. like it’s an endearing friendship n there’s nothing wrong w liking it. but. nothing more u know. plus both of them have made it clear on several occasions that they’re both straight and my gaydar agrees JFKDKDK like they’re just. Friends. Who care about each other :)

I definitely think it’s not like the markiplier x jacksepticeye situation, because for one u have jack himself telling people not to ship etc etc and also BECAUSE of that u have people actively policing any form of shipping. it’s honestly gotten to the point where it’s annoying but i genuinely don’t think it’s that big a problem, plus the rising popularity of the amigops puts less pressure on one-on-one corpse + sykkuno interactions, since people now wanna see all four of them play games together n not just corpse n sykkuno!

2. I get why Dream SMP would make u nervous. An interesting thing I realized when I started finding out more about people on that server is that there’s marginally more poc on it than I previously thought and also A LOTTTTT more lgbt+ people than i previously thought. Like genuinely why are so many of u so gay. And like that affects the stories being told obviously. Like. I don’t think it’s perfect n I don’t follow EVERY person on the SMP, just like i obviously don’t know everything about every minecraft YouTuber like fkdkdkdk i would say the only people i watch are dream, george, quackity (and even then i haven’t seen most of quackity’s YouTube videos) and like I’ve seen a couple of tommyinnit’s videos Fjdjdjdj and sapnap obviously but he has like 10 videos and i watch Karl’s streams if certain people are on it. yeah i think that’s about it like i do like the feral boys (dream george karl quackity sapnap) and i have seen maybe one or two skeppy videos

Anyway I get ur concerns about online circles dominated by male influencers too. but quite frankly compared to past circles ive seen its genuinely not that bad and also. In terms of holding them accountable, I think mcyttwt makes VERY sure of that (which honestly has devolved into a problem. because privileged haters will dig up stuff on creators that either a. has been addressed properly or b. is just. several years old and i don’t like how minorities are being weaponized. also i cannot stress how little i care that some minecraft YouTuber said the r slur 10 years ago when they literally never do it now. like. i worry so much because so many of these stans who think they’re ‘educating’ are just wearing themselves out n burning themselves out. so many of them are minors too)

but like. the people i am kept up w definitely do take responsibility and accountability. like dream especially gets accused of stuff that’s either fake/not him or something that’s just like out of this world (e.g. accused of queerbaiting. w george. interestingly no one ever accuses george directly of doing this) and no matter what he like addresses it properly and accordingly. like looking at his journey as a creator over the past year he’s grown a LOT and changed so much and matured a lot and i think like. looking at how much he’s blowing up and how much more of a following he’ll gain. I feel much better that it’s him who has this following as compared to. Certain people. And like. It’s upsetting to see how a lot of people have this impression of him that’s objectively false? Due to all the fake stuff that gets spread by haters (most often white for some reason???)? Because genuinely he’s not the creator we need to be so worried about?

Anyway in terms of getting into mcyts in the dream smp. I knew who Dream was because he’s played among us w the amigops a lot n they all like him because he’s just a good natured amicable person. I vaguely knew who george was because of dnf n also people putting his stupid face on my tl all the time. I thought he was pretty n hated that I thought that. I don’t care anymore tho. Like what’s wrong w looking at pretty people. I deserve it. Anyway! I got into their videos through GEORGE first, funnily. I think Minecraft, But I’m Not Colorblind Anymore was the first one I watched and it’s very very good. It’s endearing because it’s George trying out colorblind glasses for the first time n he’s nervous but Dream is there with him to make him feel more comfortable. And also Dream is so happy n emotional (he talks about tearing up at the thought of George being able to see colors properly) and their friendship is just very endearing. The video starts w george taking a colorblind test and we find out he has protan colorblindness (severity: STRONG which makes them crack jokes about how George is SO strong 😤)

anyway these losers. Decide to test the colorblind glasses on colors in MINECRAFT because of course that’s the whole video and it’s really heartwarming to see George learn how colors look like again n Dream just being excited about it the whole time n then George taking the colorblind test again at the end but with the glasses on... n then u go on to watch more george videos but it’s the ANIMAL CHALLENGES. like George Speedruns Minecraft But His Friend Is (Insert Animal, This Animal Is Always Dream) and like...... yeah so I watched a bunch of George’s videos n I went onto dream’s channel out of curiosity

And i was like. What the fuck. These videos are so WEIRDLY named. What the fuck is Finale, Finale Rematch, Grand Finale???? But dream has adhd too and in hindsight I absolutely would’ve titled the videos in a similarly confusing way. Anyway dreams manhunt videos are...... a work of art. I swear to god like even if u don’t know jackshit about minecraft they are very entertaining and weirdly impressive.

Basically in Minecraft Manhunt: Dream has to beat the game, but his friends are there trying to kill him. If they kill him even ONCE, they win n the video ends. He’s allowed to kill them repeatedly though. Manhunt started with one hunter (George, to one’s surprise), then two hunters (Sapnap and George), three (Sapnap, George, BadBoyHalo), and now four (Sapnap, George, BadBoyHalo, Antfrost). The next stage is possibly 5 hunters but idk who is the fifth yet. Anyway the thing that’s so entertaining about minecraft manhunt is:

1) Dream’s Parkour & PVP skills, which he developed and trained over such a short period of time n got REALLY good, it’s satisfying to watch him do risky maneuvers n succeed, the ways he’ll jump from a high place but clutch w either water, blocks, horses, boats, scaffolding, etc, to escape from the hunters

2) Dream’s TRAPS, like he actually does research for possible plans n traps he could do to counter the hunters, since there’s so many of them and only one of him, and he can’t just fight them in combat exclusively, since he’ll lose eventually if he gets ganged up on. I won’t spoil any of his traps, but they’re very good and also very dramatic. It’s amazing

3) The banter and taunting!! The lies and tricks!! They’re all really close so it’s easy for them to crack jokes during a lull where neither party is engaged in a fight, they’re all on the same VC so they can potentially say stuff to trick each other, or they can hear the other team say stuff that gives them an edge

4) The editing. Like the pacing is incredible, and all the bgm used is SO good at setting the atmosphere n making things more tense n exciting etc. like “dream’s manhunt music” is honestly a meme at this point but he actually unironically uses it and it unironically makes the videos better. Also dream edits all the manhunt videos by himself!! he doesn’t hire editors to do it for him or anything

idk what else to say but yeah I watch most of dream n george’s YouTube videos and they’re in most of each other’s videos and I like their dynamic a lot!! Especially since they still have not met in real life but already know they want to like live together (forever, according to George), and it like reminds me of the friendships I have because most of my close friendships have been made online. And like. They remind me that online friendships aren’t actually inferior. That’s it :) sorry this is so long

[catzula]

It’s hard NOT to be a fangirl (especially when the setter is Oikawa Tooru)

A/N: is it evident how much in love I am with this man? I cried at his backstory, I did that. Well, uh, hope you enjoy! And I have a mountain of hw and exams coming up so I might not be able to write something so thats that.

Warnings: spoilers!!! For the spring tournament so beware. Cursing? 5.9k? Oikawa crying in the end? Its NOT angst tho. Also not edited cuz its 1 am

Genre: fluff, Iwaizumi's sister!reader

Synopsis: maybe confusing you with a fangirl wasn't exactly starting off the right foot, but Oikawa thought the stranger that sat with him till the beginning of his next match was... quite charming.

Oikawa might've been many, many things, but he was not a coward.

Most of the time, at least.

Whenever it was his feelings he had to be brave about, he never succeeded, especially not when they were towards you. You, who laughed and stood with him, never across but always beside him. Oikawa couldn't afford to be brave.

It was the first day of the Interhigh matches when he had met you. To say Oikawa was having a bad day would be an underestimation. He got dumped by his girlfriend that very day, right before his match, and brutally ripped out of the soft, consoling presence of his fans by Iwaizumi. He just wanted to be fawned over and comforted, maybe eat a snack or two while he was at it, but he didn't even get to do that?

"Stop pouting, Shittykawa." Iwaizumi muttered when Oikawa made an exaggerated 'hmph!' sound for the 20th time the last 5 minutes. "We need to go to the gym, and you need to focus."

"You need to focus too!" Oikawa protested, "but look at you getting ready to go to a date- hey, agh!" Holding the back of his head, Oikawa pouted even deeper this time. "You didn't need to hit me!" Oikawa whisper-yelled.

"I told you to shut the fuck up. Hold your tongue if you don't want to get beaten." Iwaizumi whispered angrily, sending a side glance at his coach to try and see if he had heard stupid Oikawa. Iwaizumi took a breath of relief when the coach didn't even look his way.

"We're gonna sit in the back stands so coach won't be able to see us. You can still watch the game from there, too." Iwaizumi finally spoke after they arrived in the gym, eyes scanning the room to find the perfect hiding place.

"You mean I am gonna sit in the back stands, all alone, cold and freshly dumped." Oikawa frowned, his frown only growing deeper when his best friend rolled his eyes. "Am I wrong? Tell me I'm wrong! As you go on your marry way with your girlfriend, I will be sitting here alone and wallow in my sadness for what... 6 hours?!"

Iwaizumi clenched his teeth, knowing Oikawa had a point. Sighing, he rubbed his temples. "Look, fuck, I'm sorry, okay? Should I tell her I can't come?" He asked gruffly, and despite all his brutality and harsh words, Oikawa knew he would do it if he said the word. "Nah, it's okay. Have fun in your date!" Oikawa answered, earning a baffled glare from the boy. 

"Then why the fuck have you been guilt tripping me the past hour?"

"I'm lonely, Iwa-chan! I want attention." Oikawa grinned, professionally avoiding the slap coming his way, his grin growing even wider when Iwaizumi pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. " I wonder how I didn't murder you already. Anyway, settle there, and don't move anywhere until the match. And I mean, anywhere, no visiting your fans, looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror, taking selfies before the windows, nothing."

"Okay, okay, I'm not dumb!" Oikawa whined as he threw his gym bag on the free seats. "Say hi to her for me, Iwa-chan!" He called after his best friend. 

~~~

It had been almost an hour since Iwa had left, and Oikawa was losing his mind. Why did he agree to this again? He wanted to sit with the rest of his team, that sat across the court but Iwaizumi had told him not to move anywhere (and Oikawa was still a bit hurt at how grateful they seemed when Iwa had told them Oikawa would be sitting separately), so he had opted to social media. 

Oikawa wasn't aware of someone else entering the secret back stands and getting closer to him as he watched a short compilation of cat videos. "Oikawa-kun?" You approached him, hiding your snicker when he jumped in his place to look at you. He was quick to hide his shock, a mask of smugness quickly finding its place on his pretty face. 

"That's me." He smiled, his chocolate eyes scanning you and meeting your eyes back quickly. He watched as you sat a seat away from him, close but not approachable. He quirked his brow when you stood quiet, holding your phone a little too tightly. A shy fan, how sweet, he thought, smirking as he turned your way. He had an idea of what you wanted.

"Did you, perhaps, want a photo? I might not look as I normally would, though." Oikawa suggested, going by how you held your phone, checking the time every once in a while, you wanted a picture. His brows raised when you didn't say a word but bit your lip as if holding in a smile.

"That's your que to say 'no, Oikawa-kun, you look amazing!" He told you, not expecting your laugh to ring in his ears, baffled both by how sudden and how pretty the sound was. "No, you do look tired, actually." You finally answered, earning a gasp from the boy across you. 

"Oh, to think I was going to see the days of my fans calling me tired-looking and ugly!" He dramatically brought his hand to his face, peeking through his fingers to see what you were going to do. You should at least deny he looked ugly, he thought, but his eyes grew wide when you chuckled. Now you were just rude! Did he really look that bad?

"Sorry, I'm not a fan." You pressed your lips in an apologetic smile, trying to hold it sorry and not smug when you spotted the blush on his cheeks. "Oh- I thought..." He cleared his throat to hide the embarrassment. "Most of the pretty girls like you who aproach me are my fans, so I just assumed." He spoke when he finally managed to find back his high-toned, flirty persona.

"That crowd of groupies in the entrance should belong to you, too, then?" You teased, not expecting him to answer yes, bursting into laughter with the unexpected positive answer.

"I kind of have to ask, though, if you're not my fan, why did you approach me, calling my name?" He seemed nonchalant as if he was used to that, but you had to admit it was a bit creepy.

"Oh, Haji- Iwaizumi sent me." You corrected yourself when you remembered how your brother had told you not to tell Oikawa you were siblings (he had warned you about how flirtatious Oikawa could get, and he might see it as a challenge if he figured you were his best friend's sibling. You didn't think it was true, they were best friends after all, but it was better to be cautious anyway.

"Iwa-chan? Ah, so he does care after all!" Oikawa blurted out, his words reminding how your brother had sent you here and how it was something way different than caring. "Well, he did want me to make sure you didn't leave here or call your ex. Heard you had some... problems."

"Cold as a stone, as always." He sighed, and you chuckled. "Can't exactly call it a problem, but being dumped isn't the best feeling in the world." He shrugged, taking a sip out of his water before flashing you a charming smile. Your brows furrowed when he admitted he was dumped, of course, Hajime had already told you that, but judging the boy by his looks, his nonchalant acts, and everything your brother had told to warn you, you hadn't expected him to admit that, especially not to a stranger. 

"Well, uh, that sucks." You answered awkwardly, not knowing how to approach the situation. "I'm sorry about that."

"Its okay, as it was bound to happen, anyway. Our relationship wasn't exactly sailing smoothly." He shrugged, but it was evident he was a bit broken about it. "I- uh, I'm not the person people would come for advice in these kind of situations, but I can... listen?"

You felt something warm blooming in your chest when his gaze locked on you, chocolate brown eyes the prettiest you've ever seen, but the surprised, almost grateful look was what made you feel that way. Did he only want someone to listen?

"It's okay, I don't want to burden you with my stupid problems." He chuckled, pulling his playful nature back on the surface. "I don't even know your name."

"Oh, shit, you're right!" You laughed when you realized you hadn't even told him your name but had offered a shoulder to cry on. "I'm Y/N, nice to meet you." You stuck your hand out, his warm (big-) hand gripping yours and causing that warm feeling that was in your chest to spread even more.

"Y/N-chan, it's very nice to meet you." He winked. "So, what is your relationship with our dearest Iwa-chan?"

"Oh- well, uh... you could say he sees me as a sister." You shrugged, not expecting him to pout sympathetically. "Oh no, sibling-zoned? That's harsh, man."

"No it's- hey, you have no right to pity me, you're the one freshly dumped!"

"Hitting low, are we?" He laughed, making you laugh with him. "You look like you're gonna die if you don't ask me how we broke up." He sighed after a second, although he still had a playful smirk. "I guess I have to tell you." He sighed one more time. "We're stuck here for at least 5 hours, anyway."

~~~

"Here you go, a granola bar. Are you sure you didn't want anything else?" You tossed the granola bar to Oikawa, who had his legs on the seats in front of him, making himself comfortable in the uncomfortable seats.

"Yeah, that's enough. Thank you, Y/N-chan." He smiled cheekily, opening the packet with his teeth. "The match is in about an hour, anyway, I shouldn't eat much."

"Sure, whatever you say. Well you were talking about a new player before I left."

"Before your stomach started to scream, you mean." He laughed, and you found yourself watching the smile. These past few hours had flown by so quickly that it almost felt like barely an hour. Oikawa was easy to talk to, and you always found something new to talk about, laughing almost at everything he said. He was really charming, and the confidence that oozed out of every move he did, every word he spoke was attractive, you had to admit.

But as much of a smug player he could be, he often acted childish, too, especially when he talked about a certain Kouhei of his did you see the childlike jealousy and competitiveness clearly. Though despite that, he would have a fond, soft look in his eyes whenever he talked about his teammates, making you feel almost jealous at how affectionate he looked about them.

You knew he was charming and flirtatious, your brother had warned you not to get close because he could and would have you falling for him in no time, but you had underestimated him. You had thought he was acting overly cautious as always, but apparently not.

You saw him checking his phone for a new message. "I gotta go warm up now." He told you as he stood up, the playful glint in his eyes not being missed by you. "I trust you'll watch and cheer for me, right, Y/N-chan?" His smirk was self-satisfied, already knowing the answer, but you didn't want to give him the pleasure. "I'd rather cheer for the ace, actually, much cooler than a setter."

Another dramatic gasp came from the proud setter, making you laugh. "How dare you! Setters are much cooler than aces, I'll have you know. I'll prove it in this match, too." He leaned towards you, and although you already knew how long he was, having him towering over you like this sent goosebumps down your spine. "I'll prove it, just make sure you watch closely." 

~~~

"So, was I right or was I right?" Your phone chimed with a new message, and you instantly knew who it was that sent the message. You opened Instagram, accepting the message request. 

"I couldn't tell since I was watching the ace the whole time, didn't have the chance to see if you were cooler." You texted back, almost able to see the pout forming on his lips on the other side of the screen. It was a lie, too. The moment you saw his serve, you were unable to take your eyes off him. He looked like a different person on the court. It was almost scary, how focused he suddenly became the moment he grabbed the ball, how he was aware of everything that was happening around him, developing strategies half you didn't even understand and it was terrifyingly beautiful, you had to admit. 

"Mean! And I had played exceptionally well just because you were watching :(" You giggled at the text, not noticing how your brother's eyes were narrowed and turned to you instead of the TikToks his girlfriend had sent him. "Who are you talking to?"

"Hm?" You flinched, so concentrated on your phone, you had forgotten your brother was there, too. "Oh, no one. My friend sent me a meme." You stared back at your brother, who was still watching you with narrowed eyes, waiting for you to crack, but you didn't. He nodded curtly, and though he could've pursued it further if not for his phone starting to buzz, the name of his girlfriend appearing on the screen. 

"Gotta take this." He told you, standing up and making his way to his room. "Don't stay up late texting." He told you as a warning. 

You wished you had taken your brother's advice the next morning when he came in to wake you up. You had texted Oikawa for hours into the night, only stopping when you fell asleep mid-conversation.

"Y/N, I need you to come to the sport center again, today." Hajime told you as you were brushing your teeth, and he was putting gel in his hair to make it look like his signature spiky style. "Again?" You rolled your eyes, earning a soft slap on your head from your brother. 

"Don't talk with your mouth full, and don't roll your eyes at me."

"I'll do whatever I- Ow! Okay, okay, I'll be there!" You muttered angrily, but a part of you, the smallest part of you, wasn't as angry as you showed him to be. 

~~~

You were there before him, this time. It had been almost 10 minutes since you had arrived, but Oikawa was nowhere to be seen (and you got ready especially neatly this time! What a shame). You sighed, opening your phone to text Hajime Oikawa wasn't here just as you felt a pair of warm hands closing your eyes from your back. 

"Quick, tell me the coolest volleyball position!"

"Ace!" You answered and heard his exaggerated sigh. "No, Y/N-chan, I thought we clarified this yesterday!"

"I never admitted to it, though." You told him with a sly smile, causing his fake anger and annoyance to fall and a laugh to breakthrough. "Clever little Y/N-chan." He muttered, plopping down to the seat next to you. 

"You look tired." You remarked, making him gasp. "And whose fault is that? You fell asleep! I waited an hour for you to write back, thinking you had something else to do." He frowned, making you chuckle.

"I take none of the blame, you talk too much." You teased.

"Only with people I like." He shot back, catching you off guard and making your eyes widen. "Ah, finally, I won this round!" He cheered. "You, on the other hand, look especially nice today, madame."

"Thank you, kind sir, I got a good night sleep, unlike you." You smiled cheekily, and he was about to answer before loud cheering filled the room and made you wince. You noticed how almost everyone was on their feet, watching the game closely.

"What's going on?" You asked the boy sitting next to you, now also watching the game with a Cheshire cat smirk.

"Karasuno's game started." He answered without taking his eyes off the game. "It was the freakish quick they used just then that caused the cheering."

"The freakish quick?" You repeated. 

"Yeah, watch." He told you, sounding excited and annoyed at the same time. You turned your eyes to where he was pointing at, a short, ginger boy. Your brows furrowed, trying to understand just why- 

"Oh, shit." You gaped when the boy flew over the court in mere seconds. The ball was on the other side of the net in almost less than a second, and it took you a moment to realize they had just made a spike.

"Oh shit, indeed," Oikawa answered, his smirk still on his lips, but his eyes weren't looking humored. "That little bastard, he had to be this fucking talented." He muttered, speaking almost to himself. 

"You don't look worried, though." You smiled. "There is no reason for me to be worried." He smirked proudly in answer, although it had a slight waver to it. "I'm much better than him as a setter. What worries me is the team itself."

"Are they that good? You looked much better in the match yesterday."

"Ah, I knew you were watching me, Y/N-chan! I'm too pretty not to look at." He swiped a soft-looking lock of hair out of his face with a playful smile. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." You muttered, hiding your embarrassment from him by turning back to the game. "See him, the short boy in the back, he's the libero." Oikawa told you, getting slightly closer to explain, and you would've understood it if it wasn't for how close he was all of a sudden. "He's one of the best I've seen, actually."

"W-what makes him so special?" You asked, turning your eyes back to the game from his pretty face (as if he wasn't handsome enough, he also had a good side profile?!) "That." he answered, his eyes glinting with something you could say awe. You turned back to the boy who leaped to the ground after the ball, his hand sliding over the surface and sending the ball straight up. "His reflexes are unbeleivable, and he's fast and smart, like the rest of his team." He explained further, not aware of how focused he suddenly was, and it was clear he was passionate about the sport. You had never understood why your brother felt devastated after a lost game, or why he was cheering on the top of his lungs, sometimes pushing himself so hard in training that he passed out, coming home late almost every day because of his practice.

But seeing Oikawa watch the game, seeing him in the game, you felt like you could understand what it was. You could never grasp the feeling, but you could understand what it was. And it was infuriating, made you jealous, and you couldn't understand why, but it also amazed you, making you yearn for the strange feeling.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must be boring you to death." He realized, bringing his hand to scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment, cheeks flushing slightly after talking for almost an hour about everything going in the game, explaining them all in detail. 

"No, no its fine!" You answered, laughing at his flushed face. It was funny how he was a charming, devilish, smart, and manipulative guy at one second and a volleyball geek the other. "It helps me appreciate the game better." You shrugged, not aware of how his eyes glinted with your answer. "But don't you think I realized how you're overlooking everything the setter does. You didn't say anything about him."

"What, you're interested in him?" He pouted, causing you to laugh. 

"I didn't say I was interested, I'm just telling you you're ignoring him!" You protested after your laugh, but he still had a frown. "Sounds like you're interested, to me."

"No! Okay, okay, keep ignoring him, then. But don't think I missed the jelaousy-" You couldn't finish your sentence because of a sudden hand closing on your lips. "Nope, we don't say that here." He whispered, and somehow, you were able to hear him despite the loud cheering, the crowd, and the loud thumps of your heart.

"What, saying you're jealous?" You spoke beneath his fingers, noticing how his smirk grew wider and cheeks flushing pinker.

"Yep, let's not repeat that and I'll take my hand off you." He waited a few seconds as you stood silent, removing his hand, still having a suspicious look in his eyes. "Good girl." He told you, causing your eyes to widen and shout a protest. "O-oikawa! What the fuck?!"

"What, I didn't mean anything?" He answered innocently, but there was still a smirk on his lips. "Well, okay, I'll tell you about him if you're so curious." He sighed.

"As I said before, he's my Kouhei." You nodded for him to go on. "He's... talented. Very talented. A genius, actually." He laughed uncomfortably. "He's not on my level yet, but his talent... it even makes up for it and I hate to see how despite all my days I spent training, he's still better than me easily."

"I- oh." You muttered, not expecting something like this, especially for him to admit someone else was better than him and will always be better than him.

"Tomorrow we're playing with them." He told you, and despite the forced smile, you could see how he clenched his teeth. "I can't- I won't lose to him."

"You won't." You agreed.

"I'll fight as hard as I can but we won't lose to them. I'll fight Shiratorizawa, I'll play against Ushiwaka and show him, prove him I did the right thing by choosing Seijoh and not his dumb school." He looked determined, eyes glinting with such determination that even though you had no idea what he was saying at that point, you wanted to agree and cheer him on.

"You will." You agreed once again, causing him to smile. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just a bit stressed."

You smiled, shrugging as if to say it's nothing. "No, no problem, I understand what you mean. It must be nerve-wracking."

"Well, it is."

"I'm horrible at advice, but uh, want me to show you what I do when I'm stressed? Like before exams and stuff. It might help." You smiled, extending your hand out to show him, not expecting him to do the same, and hold your hand like a handshake.

"You're right, that does help." He grinned, shaking your hand and making you burst into laughter. "That wasn't what I was going to do!"

"Oh, it wasn't? Still helped, though!" He told you innocently, teasing you even more. "C'mon, stick your hand out like this." You giggled.

"Now start drawing-" you told him, focusing on drawing shapes and letters in his hand. He was going to say a snarky remark at how that wasn't how it went, but Oikawa couldn't bring himself to stop you from doing whatever you were doing as he watched you focus on his hand, fingers running over his calloused ones, the tip of your tongue sticking out from the corner of your mouth without realizing, and every move of your finger sent goosebumps down his body.

Noticing you had lost yourself in thought, absent-mindedly going on drawing on his hand for a good few minutes, you raised your eyes to meet his brown ones. "Does that... help?"

"It- uh, it does. I'll need you to do this before the game tomorrow, too, though." He smirked playfully, his hand closing on yours just as he said it. "Well, I'm glad I could help." You shrugged, trying to hide how embarrassed you were. You could tell he already knew how you were feeling by the smile on his lips, but instead of teasing you about it, he turned to the game without letting your hand go, smiling even wider when you didn't pull it, either.

~~~

"You guys were great at the game today." You texted Oikawa that night, not sure whether he would answer, though your thoughts disappeared when he texted back instantly. 

"It must be your doing." He wrote, sending a picture of him doing the peace sign right after. 

"I don't think I can come early tomorrow, though. I won't be able to do it again. Are you ready for the game tomorrow?"

"Oh no, how could you? I can never overcome the stress now. Will you let me call you if I say I'm not ready?" He texted back, making you chuckle. 

"Just this once."

Your phone started ringing right after, a 'yahoo' greeting you when you picked it up.

"Hi, Oikawa-kun."

"Are you free?" He asked, and you shrugged as if he was across you and not on the other side of the phone. "I was getting ready to bed."

"Thinking of me before bed, you must have a crush on me, Y/N-chan." He chuckled, somehow still able to tease you through the phone. "Hey, I-"

"No, actually, don't answer that." He stopped you. "I had something else in mind when I called you, but you cute voice is too distracting." He sighed. 

"Oh." You answered, making him laugh, his laugh ringing in your ears. 

"Yeah, well... I was wondering, I mean after the match tomorrow." He cleared his throat. "No, actually, will you cheer for me tomorrow?" He finally asked, and you could tell he was holding his breath.

"Cheer for you?" You repeated.

"Yeah, only- only for me." He spoke, this time merely a whisper. "I mean, of course you cheer for me, everyone does because I'm that-"

"Yes, Oikawa." You laughed and cut his self appreciating ramble off. "I'll cheer for you, and only you."

"Y-you will? Well then, maybe you'll accept my offer to perhaps grab a coffee or something after the game? To make up for not being there with me tomorrow?" You were trying to stifle a laugh at how unsmooth he was despite his reputation when he spoke again. "Am I- am I pushing it? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." 

"No, you're not making me uncomfortable!" You protested quickly, already aware of how dramatic he could get. "I'm just, well, surprised. But yes, I'd like to grab a coffee with you. Anywhere but those god awful stands, actually." You chuckled, hearing the relieved breathe coming from his side of the line. 

"Well, if that's settled," he spoke, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "Tell me, Y/N-chan, what's your favorite color?"

Wow, you thought, he really sucked at flirting. 

~~~

"I'm here." You texted both your brother and Oikawa. It was merely minutes away from the start of the game, all because of a dumb chemistry quiz you had at school. You finally found a free seat when you noticed they were done warming up and were getting ready.

"Good, we're about to start the game. I'll probably meet my gf after the game, so don't start crying if you don't see me." Was the first text you got, rolling your eyes at how much of an idiot your brother was. "Yeah, whatever, not like I'm here to see you." You texted back, noticing how his head perked up when he read the text, eyes scanning the seats to find you as he texted a "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!"

"Wish me luck, Y/N-chan, just remember your promise to cheer for me ;p" Oikawa texted back, also raising his head to search you in the crowd, but he was successful at finding you, eyes locking for a second, of course, he sent a playful wink at you.

The game started after that, and you could swear you were losing years of your life with each given and taken points. You had screamed at the top of your lungs at one point, so worked up, you sometimes forgot what was happening.

"Oikawa, good serve!" You screamed (he had told you to say that when he was serving the day before, and you could see it immediately brought a smile on his lips). 

The third set was the worst, you thought. No one ever got to widen the point gap, always one of them at match point, points being given and being taken, and you were sure you were going to lose your mind if they-

You watched as Oikawa ran to receive a ball, running so fast that he was unable to stop himself from crashing into the table, falling on his bad knee that you could only imagine how much it hurt, but not before pointing at Hajime, your brother, the ace. He set an incredible ball for him, incredible even for someone like you who didn't know anything other than the basics about volleyball.

You could feel tears swelling in your eyes as he tumbled into the table, pulling himself back up almost immediately and limping back towards the court.

He was... he was determined to win. 

But he couldn't.

You watched as Oikawa tried to receive the ball flying towards him and failed. You couldn't watch when he realized he failed. He lost. But he was still there to make his teammates gather for the lineup, patting them on the back to cheer them up, thanking the crowd, but his face was down, helping his teammates collect themselves back, your brother too when he was also devastated inside.

Still, Oikawa managed to hold it all in, unlike your brother and most of the team that was crying. You couldn't hide your disappointment in, either, eyes already wet with tears because you thought they were going to win, and they thought they were going to win too, and seeing Oikawa like this, it hurt. You watched them as they left the court, your eyes following the brunette who had separated himself from the rest of the team, going somewhere else with a quick pace. 

You rose to your feet without even realizing it, running after him without thinking what to say or to do, but you just wanted to be there, and you were so focused on finding him that you hadn't realized Hajime following his friend or rather, you, either. 

You were about to enter the room Oikawa had entered a minute before you when someone held you by the arm and pulled you back. "Y/N, don't." Your brother warned you, and maybe you should've listened since they were friends for years. "It's not- you shouldn't go in, not right now. Give him time." 

He sighed when you freed your arm from his grip. "He wouldn't want you to-" the door shut in his face, and he only got a glimpse of his best friend's tear-stricken face, "-see him like that." Iwaizumi finished his sentence as a whisper to himself.

You thought this might've been a bad idea the moment you entered the room. "O-oikawa?"

"What are you doing here?" You heard him say, the room dim-litted, making it near impossible to see his expression, but something in you told you, you didn't want to. "I'm- well, I'm here to see if you're okay-"

"Get out." You heard him say, merely a whisper but still there. "I don't want you to see me like this, stop looking at me! I don't want to see the same pity I see at everyone else's face, pitying me for losing to my own Kouhei and-" His voice getting higher and higher with each word, he was almost screaming the last few words. So you hugged him, you didn't know what led you to do so, was it instinct to relieve his tension? You didn't know, but it still worked, you noticed. 

His stiff muscles started to relax with the sudden contact, and though he stood as still as a stone, not hugging you back, you didn't feel rejected. "Shh, I know." You whispered, breathe brushing over his skin and sending goosebumps down his spine. 

"We lost." He whispered, a sob finding its way out of his lips. His arms came up, hugging and pulling you to himself, almost as if he tried to swallow you whole, burying his face to your hair. He was big, much bigger than you, for sure, so the sobs that shook him shook you, too, but you didn't mind. 

"We lost." He sobbed again, and again, and again and again. It took him a while to let it all out, but he felt better when he did. His arms were still around you when his cries had died, your scent affecting him to relax.

"Thank you." You heard him whisper as he pulled back, not looking in your eyes once. "Of- of course." You shrugged, feeling somewhat awkward as he wiped his face with a tissue. 

"Well," he spoke, looking in your eyes for the first time for what felt like hours, "that's me. The Oikawa Tooru. Now you know me better than almost anyone else." He shrugged, trying to sound and look indifferent but failing miserably. His voice and his hands shaking, eyes looking at you with almost fear.

"Are you going to leave now?"

"Leave?" You repeated. 

He shrugged. "Now that you've seen I'm not the clever captain or the charming playboy, but a- an insecure, jealous man, who is now also a failure, are you going to leave?"

"Oikawa," you whispered, noticing he was more insecure than he let on. "Just because you are more than what you look like, it doesn't cancel the others. You're still the smart, cunning, and amazing captain, the charming flirt who made me fall for him in mere days, and the man who lost a match with a point. A man, striving to be better than everyone else, with goals and a purpose in life. I don't think I could leave you for having a purpose in life." You chuckled. 

"Well, that of course if you-" Before you got to finish, you felt pressure on your lips, stopping you from talking. It was his soft lips, this time, making you silent. It was a soft kiss, his hand cupping your cheek and pulling your face towards his, his lips were almost brushing yours, but it still felt heavenly. 

"I think we should go before your brother marches in and kills us both." He whispered to your lips with a sly smile. "Yeah, I think you're- wait, you knew he was my brother?!" You exclaimed, making him chuckle.

"Of course I did, who do you take me for? I am the clever captain of Seijoh, I knew it the moment you told me you were like a sister to him."

"Well, the clever captain of Seijoh, use your brain to find us another way out but the door, since I'm pretty sure Haji is guarding it." 

"Ah, I have the perfect idea." He snickered, picking up his phone, and entering the name of Hajime's girlfriend.

"Tooru, where are you, are you okay, do you-"

"Hey, hey, I'm alright, I just need a favor." Oikawa whispered into the phone. "I'm stuck inside a room, and the door is being guarded by Iwa-chan whose waiting to kill me, so please get him out of here?"

"Tooru, are you with a girl?" You heard the voice screaming on the other end of the line, making you both wince. "Please just help me just this once?" 

You heard her sigh. "Okay, okay, hang in there." She closed the phone, and it took only two seconds for your brother's phone to ring.

You were in awe when Hajime suddenly screamed, "What?! Whose checking you out? I'm fucking coming baby, don't move anywhere." sprinting down the hall.

"You're a magician." 

"I'm amazing." He muttered right before leaning in for yet another kiss, smiling against your soft lips.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[unabashegirl]

#1 “Kings of Leon” HS

Author’s Note: First Harry Styles imagine! Hope you like it! Request are open!

--

He leans against the frame of the entrance of the living room. He was locked away in the office for a few hours, trying to write something down in his journal for the day. It was until he heard the faint sound of music playing that he decided to leave the room and investigate the source of the ruckus.

It was her. The music sounds too familiar to him as he walks down the hallway. Kings of Leon play loudly throughout the entire house. He had discovered that it was her favorite band after the first few dates. That day after lunch, they had decided to go for a walk. They ran into a small music store where Y/N bought a Kings of Leon vinyl. She then proceeded to invite Harry to her small apartment for some coffee and to listen to the record together.

Her appearance captivates him. She dances around the living room without a single care in the world. She only wears a simple t-shirt over her bikini. Her hair is down and still wet from her previous dip in the ocean. She is attempting to air-dry it. She also holds tightly to a tall glass of Pina colada and tries her best not to spill it on the hardwood floor of the house, but she is still not holding anything back. He can see the small bruise forming on the side of her thigh. Last night Y/N had turned off the lights before getting in bed and had walked into the corner of their bed. Harry had to turn the lights back on with the switch beside the bed to go tend her. 

It is only their second day in the Caribbean, but they have both already managed to burn. Jamaica will always hold a very special place in Harry’s heart. He has enjoyed showing Y/N the best places to eat and loved her reaction after they had gone snorkeling.  After being in Japan for so long, he had only desired to spend sometime under the sun and away from the real world especially with her. It also didn’t take much convincing to get Y/N on the plane. 

In one of her twirls her eyes land on Harry, who is only staring at her while enjoying the view of her careless self. 

“What are you doing?” She breathlessly asks as she stops moving while Pyro plays in the background. It was one of her favorites songs. Y/N pushes her hair away from her face, her cheeks are blushed which only entices him to approach and kiss each of them.

“Just heard the music” He honestly just wants her to go back to dancing. He relishes watching her when she isn’t looking. It is mesmerizing for him. He had even sneaked into her office once for a  few hours before lunch just to watch her work. He would just tell her that he needed to finish some lyrics for a song and pretend to write in his journal. He loves seeing how she knits her eyebrows when she reads over her emails or how she fiddles with her pen as she tries to remember what she was about to write on a post-it. 

“I am sorry if I interrupted you” She kinda feels bad and flustered. She knows how important writing time it’s for him. It wasn’t her intention to disturb him in his sacred time. It is his alone time and it helps him to put all his thoughts in one place whether they are bad or good. While Harry walks over to the small bar and pours himself a glass of whiskey, she turns down the music with her phone. When he chooses his drink, he heads back and sits on his usual seat. She just stands around. 

“No need to apologize, kitten” Y/N has the habit of apologizing for things that aren’t her actual fault especially when she is around him. She is just terrified to piss him off and for him to send her off. After all, there is nothing binding them together. They have no commitment to one another. They weren’t even formally dating per se. Even though Harry whispers that she is his every time he makes love to her. 

“Did you get to write anything tho?” She pulls on the back of her shirt, trying to cover some skin. He knows how nervous he makes her feel and he can only blame himself for it. They had met in a time when Harry was fragile due to his past relationship. It was a few weeks before his departure to Japan. He had already bought the tickets and his team had already organized everything for him. In the following weeks, they had multiple dates. She invited him to her hot yoga and spinning classes in the morning. They would usually go out for breakfast or lunch after. He grew accustomed to having her around. He asked her to accompany him to Japan three days before his departure.

“This is something you need to do on your own,” She said that day to him while she held him tightly. That was the day, Harry knew that she was so different from all the girls that he had even gone out with him. It wasn’t only because she wasn’t a model and she was just like any other person, but because she truly cared for his mental health. “You need to recover and I think this will do you good” Y/N said a few hours before his departure. He had stopped at her apartment before leaving. He wanted to tell her how much he liked her and to wait for him.

It wasn’t easy for Y/N. After all, he was leaving the country to write about his ex, who he was still in love with. She took a step back after his departure and let him do his own things. If it was meant to be, it would happen without her having anything to do with it. It certainly was because the first place that Harry went to when he arrived was her apartment.

“I did” He smiles as he reached out for her hand. It had been mostly about her and their long passionates nights on the island. “Are you hiding from me?” Harry asks as he pulls her on his lap. She nervously shakes her head as she settles each of legs on either side of him. “How was the water?” He runs his fingers over her skin noticing the little specks of salt on her brand new tan skin. Harry had stayed in for their usual sunset dip. He had fallen asleep after making love to her and devouring a giant bowl of fruit with her in bed.

“Warm and kinda lonely” She pouts, wrapping her free hand around his neck then leans over and places her drink on a table. 

“We can’t have that can’t we?” Y/N smiles and shakes her head at him as she gently pulls on the curls at the back of his head. The skin of his cheekbones is slightly burned making him more irresistible. She had tried to apply sunscreen on his face, but he kept making faces. It only distracted her and she ended just laughing at him “I guess I won’t ever leave yeh again” Harry leans in and kisses her jawline gently. He can still smell the faint aroma of her carrot tanning lotion on her skin.  

She enjoys the coolness of his rings pressed against her bare lower back. She runs her hands on his chest noticing the soft material of the shirt that he has on. The living room slide doors are opened allowing the sound of the waves crashing soothe them along with the faint sound of her favorite band.

“I need to tell yeh something” he mumbles against her the salty skin of her neck. She immediately tenses up and goes cold. A million thoughts run through her head. Harry pulls away wanting to see her reaction. He takes a sip out of his drink and leans back on his seat. He still grips her hip in place wanting to keep some kind of content with her.

“What is it?” She gulps, silently playing that he wasn’t dumping her or sending her away.

“I first have to confess something. I told you I liked you before I left for Japan, do yeh remember?” Y/N nods along too scared to say something. She also feels like she was about to be sick. It might have to do something about the amount of rum that it’s running through her veins. “I was actually not sure if I did. I was hesitant. We had just met and I was leaving for a long time. I didn’t want to lose you. I lied”

“Why are you tell me all of this now?” She frowns not comprehending where he is going with this or what he is trying to tell her.

“For us to have a healthy relationship. I have to be honest with yeh from starters. We can’t build a relationship based on lies” He explains hoping she would get what he is trying to say and catch up.

“In that case, I actually didn’t lose your sweater” she confesses, “It's actually in my closet at home. It just reminds me of you” Harry laughs lightly showing her his pearly whites.

“I know babe” A few days ago he had seen it in her closet. “I think that you are absolutely beautiful inside out. I love how much you worry about little things, how you sing in the shower, how much you take care of your plants and even how your lips still taste like pineapple when I kiss them” he jokes at the end. He tries to keep it short even though there are still a million things he can mention about her.  “I guess I am trying t’ say is that you are worth having my heart broken a thousand times more if that means that I get to be around yeh” He watches as a wide smile appears across her face. She presses her lips against his. 

“Would you be my girlfriend?” She doesn’t say much but just repeatedly pecks her lips. Y/N was starting to grow impatient. She was starting to believe that their relationship would never move forward and she would remain to be just a friend who he occasionally has sex with until he found a girlfriend. 

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, silly” she giggles then proceeds to peck the tip of his nose. “I thought you were going to send me home for a minute” Y/N admits as she presses a hand against her chest. 

“No. You’re stuck with me now”  He is so infatuated with her that it wouldn’t surprise him if he tells her he loves her before the trip ends, but that is another story. 

[angelicyoongie]

brick by brick

⤷ 1.2k follower event request: Taehyung x Yoongi + “Are you drunk, stoned, or just stupid?” + Humor ⤷ anon said: Heyy I love this kind of games 🤩 can I ask for taegi + c18 with humor please? Its up to you if you want to write it or not tho, I just love to read your works 😆 ⤷ word count: 1,400 words ⤷ a/n: It was never supposed to take three months for me to start fulfilling these, but uhm .. better late than never? And sorry anon, this story ended up very different from what I had originally planned (so it might have ended up being a little more angsty and less funny than you wanted), but still, I hope you like it!

Yoongi grumbles under his breath as he sinks further down into his coat, the cold wind biting at his pale cheeks. He can’t believe he’s out at two am again, trailing after Taehyung like his own personal guard dog. It isn’t like Yoongi doesn’t have better things to do, because he does, in fact, have many things he’d much rather be doing right now. And one of them could’ve been being asleep in his bed, because well, it’s the middle of the fucking night.

But Taehyung doesn’t seem to care about Yoongi’s protests, not when he consistently drags him out of his warm and cozy bed like clockwork every month. Instead, he just wraps himself around Yoongi like a second skin, whining into his neck about being afraid of the dark and I’m scared of being alone hyung, and well, Yoongi is weak and Taehyung knows it. He knows how to play him just right to get what he wants. And maybe Yoongi pretends to hate it a little more than he actually does, because even though he craves sleep, he also craves Taehyung’s boxy smiles and warm laughter in a way that he shouldn’t. In a way that goes far beyond the safe walls of friendship they’ve built up brick by brick over the last two years.

So here he is, freezing half to death in the biting weather as he follows him around. Yoongi’s sharp eyes never leave Taehyung’s form for even a second, not willing to lose him after what happened last time. Yoongi swears he had only blinked, but in the next second Taehyung had been nowhere to be found on the busy street they had been walking down for Taehyung’s last project. It had been something about capturing the essence of life, but Yoongi swears it felt like the last drops of his youth left him as he realized Taehyung was gone. He had walked through the nearby alleyways and streets for an hour, so close to calling in Seokjin or the police or even his fucking apartment janitor for help when Taehyung had stumbled out of a nearby record store, all pretty smiles and “Look what I found!”

Yoongi has learned from his mistake. At least, so he thought. Yoongi’s gaze flickers down as he stumbles on the uneven path, a puff of air escaping his lips as he tries to steady himself. The moment he looks back up, Taehyung is gone.

Yoongi freezes in his tracks, eyes sweeping frantically over the dark road as he tries to figure out if Taehyung has just crouched down out of his line of sight. But no, he can’t make out Taehyung’s figure against the bushes or trees lining the path, and Yoongi realizes with a disgruntled groan that Taehyung has left him here alone. Again.

“He’s going to kill me some day,” Yoongi groans, straining his ears for any sounds as he follows the path, steps a little more hurried than before. Yoongi just thanks whatever gods are out there that Taehyung chose the university grounds as the place to disappear in. The trail they’re on goes through the middle of the forest surrounding their university, and sure, it’s a forest, but you can reach either side in thirty minutes tops. And the scariest thing hiding out here is probably a rabbit. Or maybe, if they’re really unlucky, a student smoking a joint. And Yoongi is fairly certain he can at least deal with that – if not, he wants all the hours he has spent working out with Jeongguk back. That kid knows how to run him to the ground only to push him even further, and while Yoongi enjoys the results, he’s not sure it’s worth the aching muscles that haunt him for days afterward.

Yoongi is lightly panting by the time he catches the low timbre of Taehyung’s voice. His annoyance level maxed out from having had to follow the path all the way around only to end up where he first lost him. Yoongi huffs as he follows the sound of Taehyung’s voice, the noise taking him of the trail and into the surrounding forest. It’s even more difficult to navigate the grounds in the darkness, but Yoongi just grits his teeth whenever he stumbles, determined not to lose Taehyung a second time before he can even find him.

He lets out a sigh of relief once he spots Taehyung’s freshly bleached hair, the area he’s in entirely unfamiliar. It almost looks like a small park inside the forest, with overgrown benches and a low broken stone fence surrounding it. Taehyung seems to be talking to himself as he circles around a small statue that can’t be much taller than his leg, and as Yoongi gets closer, he notices that it appears to be in pretty bad shape too. He’s never heard of this place before, not even a whisper from the other students has reached his ears about this part of the forest. If judging by how run down and abandoned everything looks, Yoongi guesses their university has likely already forgotten it even existed.

“There you are hyung! Took you long enough,” Taehyung grins as he waves him over.

“Took me long enough? You’re the one who disappeared! We’ve talked about this–“ Yoongi’s rumble is cut off as Taehyung suddenly clap his hands together, an excited smile lighting up his whole face as he gestures up to the statue.

“I think this would be perfect,” He says. Yoongi’s step falters, his eyes flickering back to the cracked stone. “Perfect for what?” Yoongi asks carefully, his eyes narrowing as he glances back at Taehyung.

“My project of course! It’s about the progress of time, remember? Hyung, haven’t you been paying attention to what I’ve been telling you?” Taehyung pouts, and Yoongi swears his heart drops and soars at the same time. What he wants to say is of course I have, I always pay attention to you, I always remember but instead he just scowls, mutters out an “I have too much to keep track off.”

And maybe the worst part is that Taehyung doesn’t even seem fazed. He just brushes off Yoongi’s comment with a smile, his eyes straying back to the statue. Yoongi watches him out of the corner of his eye, his stomach already heavy with guilt. He hates being so indifferent, hates pretending like he doesn’t care, but his lips are too loose, always threatening to let the words on the tip of his tongue slip out. So this is better. It’s better to keep his distance. To stay where it’s safe – with their perfectly crafted wall between them.

“So, what are you going to do with it?” Yoongi says, his voice cracking against the silence between them. Taehyung circles around the statue once, dragging his hand along the grimy stone as he gives it a final once over. He finally turns back to Yoongi, the brilliant smile on his lips making Yoongi’s breath hitch as he says, “I think we should steal it, hyung.”

Yoongi blinks, struggling to make sense of what Taehyung just told him. “Steal what? The statue?” Yoongi hisses.

“Yes! I know I can make this into something really pretty.” And Yoongi knows Taehyung probably can, but this is illegal, this– “Taehyung, are you drunk, stoned, or just stupid? This belongs to the university! If they find out we took it we’re fucked.”

“But they won’t find out hyung! I promise they won’t recognize it,” Taehyung ignores him, pleading as he takes a step closer, his eyes sparkling in the darkness. Dangerous dangerous dangerous, his brain yells but even then, Yoongi is weak.

He takes a deep breath, and the cold air rushing in to nip at his lungs serves as a harsh reminder that this is a bad idea, and that they’ll definitely get caught, but, “Fine. If we get caught I won’t hesitate to pin the blame on you,” Yoongi bites, but they both know he would never.  

It takes them nearly an hour to get back home, the heavy statue balancing on their shoulders serving as a mocking reminder that Yoongi is too easy, too smitten. But then Taehyung sends him one of his trademark boxy grins over his shoulder, and Yoongi is already internally plotting where they can find their next statue if it’ll make Taehyung look at him like that again.  

Click here for the 1.2 follower event masterlist! Please leave a comment/reblog if you enjoyed :)

[frightfurtabby]

HimiKiyo Week Day 6: I Melt With You

// 2nd to last day, the theme is sickness and health. Emi told me about a headcanon about Kiyo having Marfan Syndrome a while ago so I used that for this. And to add another layer I’ve made a nod to a grey’s anatomy episode we watched on a date night. sadly i dont think thats enough for me to be able to tag that fandom tho smh//

Word Count: 1299

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34224124

Amino: (coming soon)

Korekiyo always had health problems in some way since they could remember. It wasn’t easy to live with but Sister had always had it worse. Of course she did, because her ailments were rarer and deadlier, as she frequently reminded them back in those days. It was all about her so without her things went south for several years. (More so than they had been)

Himiko also knew what it was like to lose somebody to something like that. It was one of the things that they bonded over in their early days knowing one another. It took a few conversations to fully open up about that. It took even longer then for Kiyo to confess there was a reason for their lanky appearance and spindly fingers: Marfan Syndrome.

A big catch was that their heart was bad. It could be fixed with surgery, but that and the medications were simply managing it and the dozens or so other symptoms. It, like many of the disorders Kiyo’s sister had while she was alive, was incurable.

Any surgery had risks, but the risks were better than risking the damage to the arteries getting any worse. It had finally come time for the procedure. There were indicators their heart would start to get worse.

Himiko was in the room when the doctor broke the news. In a cruel twist it was she that seemed to need the most comforting about the news. Kiyo kept her up on their lap and brushed fingers across her hand.

“I’m going to be fine, darling.” They told her before giving a peck on the cheek. “Recovery might take a while but when I’m all better, I’ll be better than ever before. Stronger.”

“You’ll really be okay honey?” She clung to them like a koala.

“Yes. I promise that.” A promise sealed with a kiss on her lips. That was the kind that should never be broken, so they knew they had to fight.

There were little conversations day to day about it. It was first caught extremely early as many genetic conditions were. It started with eye problems and scoliosis. A few more observations and tests and it was the answer. Plus, there was a family history with it due to one grandfather having had it.

Kiyo had a morbid sense of humor and one of the jokes was about how they were “Always in and out of the hospital, so why not have something interesting to stay longer. Make things a lot more convenient”

Himiko knew she had to stay in the hospital overnight tonight, so she put a call in to an old friend to house-sit and make sure to feed their kitty child, Ryo. It was the night before the big day.

“Thank you.” Kiyo said, propped up a bit on the pillows. They figured they may get some shut-eye soon. “I got a little sad, but then I thought about how happy he’ll be when his mommies come back home.” They smiled.

“I’ll be glad when this is all over.” she put her phone under the pillow on the visitors couch she was going to sleep on before walking over to hold their hand. “If the doctors mess anything up I’ll sue.” She wasn’t kidding, and hoped it didn’t come to that.

A smile crossed Kiyo’s face as they gently returned her little hand squeeze. “I know you would. I trust that I’ll be fine here.”

She leaned in and gave a kiss. “Is there anything you’d like before bed?”

Stroking their chin in thought, an answer came with a slight delay. “Well… how about a bedtime story? I’ve read those to you many times, so this can be a good opportunity for your turn.”

“Hehe, I thought you might say something like that. So I came up with one already earlier today.” she explained, “So, I hope you’ll enjoy hearing this tale.” It was a relaxing one with a relatively light conflict. Many talking animals inhabited a lush green landscape with the yellow sun shining on them above.

Some of the denizens of this land had assumed a Kitsune had stolen lost items from them when things went missing solely due to the creature’s reputation. After a bit of detective work, starting from a single odd feather out in the nearby farm’s chicken coop led to the discovery that there was a visit from a Tengu and that had been the true culprit.

Kiyo enjoyed laying back and listening instead of telling for once, eyes closed as they listened and visualized what was going on in the story. Following it all along, walking in the shoes of the characters. As time passed they got sleepier, her voice soothing any worry they had.

Happy little yawns popped up here and there. Kiyo expended only a small bit of energy to lean up and nuzzle into her hand as she ran soft, gentle hands along their cheek or through their hair.

“Mmm, I know I tell you this a lot but you really are cuter than you’re given credit for.”

“Am I?” they asked, briefly opening their eyes to look up with a flutter.

“Yes, especially when you’re all sleepy like this. You should rest up.”

The next day Kiyo woke up a little bit later than usual. It was still morning but the sun was approaching the peak it would have at midday. The curtains were open so that meant either one of the doctors or nurses or Himiko opened them.

Their wife was up and about, returning a moment later. “Oh, you’re awake! You were still resting when I got up. I brought you something.”

In her hands was a bottle of water and some toast with jam.

“It’s not very much but since it's today it has to be light.”

Kiyo nodded. “Well, it is breakfast in bed served by my beloved. I’d say that its enough~”

They took a drink first and then a few bites of their food. Himiko walked up for a hug when they’d finished eating.

“So, how do you want to spend the rest of the time before they take you in?”

“I’m not sure, there’s plenty to read or we could watch the television.”

“I’ll watch with you.” she said, pulling a seat up.

Kiyo flipped through the channels until something interesting came up and then put the remote on the bedside table. The couple held hands and tried to keep away the anxiety and worry for a few more hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later the Doctor came in, asking if they were ready. To which Kiyo nodded.

They looked over to Himiko and gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you again soon honey. Don’t worry about me too much.”

She kissed them and Kiyo reached up around her shoulders to return the kiss.

She waved them goodbye for now, adding before her wife left “I’ll try, but I can’t help but worry at least a little.”

She occupied herself more or less successfully. At least she hadn’t freaked herself out badly. They came back in one piece, still under, just a few hours later. Hours that dragged on yet felt like nothing at all when she knew they were going to be okay.

Her huge grin never left her. Kiyo woke up and looked up so happily tears just about formed.

As the two hugged close, Kiyo said their first words since before the surgery. “Told you I’d be back, This wasn’t so bad now was it?”

“I guess not. I’ll always be here no matter what else you’ll need” Himiko knew there may be a need for further surgery in the future, given what she knew about their medical history from before they met. “That’s what I signed up for after all.”

[theymakemegayer]

Reputation: Chapter 2

author’s note: In a few hours we will have another QB update, and I have so many mixed emotions about the next chapter... Here’s something I hope can make you guys feel better.

PLEASE TAG POEPLE WHO WANTS TO READ POPPY X MC FICS. I know today’s update will mess up the tags for Poppy.

TW: for a little cursing, I tried to censored it tho

Chapter 1

********************************************************

After parting ways with Zoey, I enter my classroom for my first subject. My eyes scan the vacant seats. I had just put my laptop down when someone spoke behind me.

 "Well, isn't this very exciting. Bea Hughes." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm, turning around I was met with Chloe frowning at me.

 "You've got to be kidding me. You again?"

 "You think I enjoy seeing your face early in the morning? You must be still asleep and dreaming newbie." She crossed her arms in front of her. 

 I laughed humorlessly, "Don't try to be funny."

 Her lips tugged into a smirk, "You know what would be funny right now?"

 I raised my eyebrow, a part of me starting to get nervous. This was definitely bad news. Plastering a smile, she casually dumped her coffee on my laptop. My eyes grew wide. She laughed at my reaction.

 I scowled at her, "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

 A voice interrupted us. "What is going on here?"

 I turned around and my eyes landed on Ina standing at the top aisle, a briefcase in hand. Holy Shi-?

 Chloe smiled at her, "Nothing Professor Kingsley. I'm just helping Bea clean up the coffee she spilled in her laptop. She is so clumsy."

 My mind blacked out for a moment, all I can think about was Chloe calling her Professor. Like falling down on the ground and being slapped by reality, realization hit me.

 "Y-you're my professor?" I managed to voice out.

 Ina cleared her throat then plastered her professional smile. "If you're in my Behavioral Science in practice course then yes." Then she proceed on the podium ready to start the class.

 I sat weakly trying not to look at Ina. I took a couple of breaths calming my racing mind and heart. 

 This should be some kind of joke right? I cast a look at her surprisingly she also looked at me at that moment. I avoided her gaze.  I groaned internally. God this is so awkward and messed up.

 After my grueling and awkward first period I rushed out of the classroom calling Zoey and wanting to meet her in our dorm. 

 I was already in our dorm building when someone called me out.

 "Bea! Wait up!" I turned around and saw this random guy power walking towards me.

 "That clapback against Poppy yesterday was all over my social media. It was epic!" He said once he was in front of me.

 "Oh... thanks?"

 "You don't know how much it means to me that someone is finally standing up towards Poppy. I'm totally on your side."

 "Thanks. I'm happy to stand up too towards people like that."

 He grinned, "I'm Benji by the way. Your residence advisor. If you ever need anything, I'll be here."

 "Thanks Benji, but I need to go already." I glance at my wrist watch.  "I need to meet up with a friend. It was nice meeting you Benji."

 "Sure! it was nice talking to you, Bea." He said waving goodbye to me.

 Once I arrived at our shared dorm memories of my dilemma and stress came back into me in full swing. I was pacing back and fort in our living room area when Zoey arrived.

 "Hey you okay?" She slouched on the couch facing me.

 "Zoey..." I pouted. 

 "What happened? It's sounded like some kind of emergency when you called."

 I sighed and plopped down beside her. "It is." I huffed before telling her what happened.

 "Okay you what now?" She exclaimed looking me dead in the eye.

 "Ina... Professor Kingsley she was the one I met at the speakeasy last night." I groaned hiding my face on my hands.

 "You guys kissed?"

 "We made out to be exact. Thank God you called me last night Zo. I don't know how messed up it will be if I happen to sleep with her." I groaned again. 

 "You sure you don't like her Bea? Almost everyone in Belvoire has a crush on her. And you happen to even made out with her. Heck you were so close with sleeping with her too."

 I groaned removing my hands on my face I looked at her in the eye, "Please don't remind me and Zo having a crush is different with practically making out with her."

 "Oh then let me add that apart from having a crush I'm sure some of the students thirst for her." 

 I sighed, "Well yes Ina is attractive, but knowing that she's my professor. I just can't Zoey. Seeing her a while ago became so awkward to me."

 Zoey wrapped me in her embrace. "Sorry I should have known you're really different from the people around here Bea." 

 "This scholarship I have is really important to me Zo. I can't afford to be this careless and lose this." My voice was muffled in her shoulders.

 She caressed my back soothingly, "I'm sure you won't lose this. Have you talked to Professor Kingsley yet?"

 Sighing I withdrew from our hug, "Not yet. I was so shock seeing her a while ago. I can't talk to her yet nor be left alone with her."

 Zoey frowned, "You seem really stressed about this Bea. Wanna go out again tonight?"

 I raised an eyebrow, "What's on your mind?"

 She grinned, "Let's crush the Alpha House's Welcome Week Bash tonight! It'll help with your ranking, you'll have a good time and maybe will bump into Poppy there and piss her off." 

 The moment she mentioned Poppy, I swear I was already sold to crush this party, but of course I won't admit that to anyone specially not to Zoey. She'll get mad if she knew.

 I beamed, "Okay you had me sold with pissing Poppy off. " A little lie won't hurt right?

 **********************

 We arrived at the party an hour ago. The only 'almost' mishaps we had was getting inside - which was an easy job if you had me and Zoey; with the right charm and words Michael let us in. The music was blasting loudly, the people occupied with different games and drinks, and the frat boys diving once in a while in the jello pool - the party was in full swing.

  "Bea! Bea! Bea! Bea! Bea!" People chanted as I won another game. I grinned at them when a clap suddenly cut through the cheers.

 "How lovely. Luis and his brothers already done with their charity work for this semester. Don't mistake it for kindness Farmsville."

 I turn around at the sound of that voice and came face to face with Poppy. She's with Chloe and I think that was Veronica who was busy with her phone.

 I rolled my eyes, "I was starting to think when you will show up and grace us with your presence, Poppy."

 She rolled her eyes, "I must say hanging out with the boys is definitely a step up from this another nobody." She gestured dismissively towards Zoey without taking her eyes off me. "You know I think we can be friends Farmsville. You clearly learned how to dress up too." Her eyes roamed at me. Oh God. Please this is torture. I tried to school my expression even though my mind was about to explode. Her eyes finally landed on my face a smirk ghosting on her lips. Bea focus.

 "And why would I want to be friends with a bully like you?" I crossed my arms staring at her hard.

 "Because I ran this school. You have two options here, I can make your stay here like a living hell or..." She grinned sweetly, "I can make it heaven. All you have to do is leave the dead weight here." She smirked at Zoey who was glaring at her.

 I frowned not liking how she addressed Zoey, "You know what Poppy? Zoey is better than you in every way." I step closer at her standing in my full height. "If you wanna be friends with me" I smirked, "Here is a little tip." I leaned closer and I swear did her breath hitched?  I whispered, my breath tickling on her ears making sure she was the only one who can hear it, "I just need you to be Poppy, not Poppy Min-Sinclair or any of these masks you wear, just you." I leaned back and plastered my sweet, sweet smile as I watch Poppy's dumbfounded reaction - and something I can't name flickered in her eyes.

 Not even a second passed when she scowled at me, "You wish Farsmville. We ran by my rules not yours."

 I sighed dramatically, "Well it's your lost then." I stepped back and smirked at her. 

 She was about to speak again when Ford interrupted us , "Hold that thought." He ran towards the pool and dived.

 Poppy shrieked darting away from the spraying jello. Carter - which I found out to be Poppy's boyfriend slung his arm around Poppy. "It's just a little jello babe. C'mon let's jump too! It'll be fun." 

 Wriggling free from Carter she glared at him, "Do I look like I am dressed for a swim on that colored sugar?"

 "But -"

 "Hang on!" Luis suddenly interrupted. "Sorry bro. I'm just thinking, Bea seems really cool I bet she'll love to join the fun and swim in the jello pool. What do you think?"

 "I mean, I'm always up for new experiences." I stated with a grin. 

 "See! Come on Bea!" Luis cheered.

 Grinning as an idea popped in my head I yelled, "Poppy hold your breath!" 

 Shocked she spoke, "Why would-"

 But before she can even finished her sentence I was running towards her and pushed her towards the pool. She shrieked, "BEA HUGHES!"

 "Can't let her have all the fun." As I leaped in the jello pool I can hear people cheering, a bubble of happiness surged through me.

 When I finally got up I saw Poppy completely mufunctioning, "There's like jello... in every crevice of my body."

 I inched closer to her, "Was jello pool that bad?" I laughed when she threw me a glare.

 "This is your fault Farmsville." 

 I raised my hands in mock surrender, "Hey I just wanted you to let lose a little." 

 "Stop talking to me." She growled. Oops is she really pissed off now?

 "Cannon ball!" Luis yelled only dressed in his underwear as he dove spluttering more jello towards Poppy and me. 

 Poppy shrieked again. I can hear Chloe desperately saying, "Somebody help her. She has a jello phobia." While Michael laughed, "Nice look Pops! The green really brings out your eyes."

 Poppy screamed finally reaching her limit. Carter finally helped her out of the pool bringing her some towel. 

 "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL." She yelled one last time before sprinting inside, while Chloe and Veronica followed her.

 Feeling a little guilty I decided to get out from the pool to dry myself up. 

 "Bea!" Zoey called out for me. I sat at the edge of the pool and she swam closer to me. She smirked, "Love how you pissed off Poppy."

 I smiled at her trying to bury the feeling of heaviness inside of my chest. "And I love how pretty you look right now." 

 Zoey laughed, "Flutterer."

 At the corner of my eyes I saw Veronica and Chloe entering again. Okay, where's Poppy? It was probably not helping at all that Carter just dove passed us towards the jello pool. Oh damn it.

 "Hey Zoey. I just need a little bathroom break." I stood up carrying the towel with me. "I'll be back." I winked at her before power walking inside the house. 

 I almost gave up on finding where Poppy might be when I stumbled on the garage. She was standing - her back facing me and mumbling to herself. "I hate that Farmsville." She groaned.

 I suppressed my smile before speaking, "Don't you think hate is a strong word to use?" 

 She whipped her head around so fast and threw a glare at me once she saw me. "What are you doing here Farmsville?" She said through gritted teeth.

 "I can be anywhere I want you know. You don't own this." I gesture on the garage where we are.

 "Didn't you pissed me enough today? Do you really want a death sentence so bad?" She glared at me.

 I laughed and raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll stop teasing. I just stumbled here, I swear." 

 She raised an eyebrow, "Then get lost. I don't want to talk nor see your face." 

 I crossed my arms, "What are you even doing here alone though?"

 "I'm waiting for my driver. I'm going home since I feel so grossed out thanks to you. Now will you leave me alone." 

 Instead of following what she said, I stepped closer towards her. 

 "Are you deaf? I said get lost." 

 I lifted my hand holding out the towel I had in me and ignored her as I wiped out some jello remains on her hair. She flinched the first time the towel touched her hair. 

 "Relax. I swear I was just cleaning a jello out of your hair." I mumbled. 

 She remained silent which was surprising, so I look at her and that was when I realized I was standing too close to her. My hand stopped wiping her hair in mid-air and my eyes grew wide at the realization. Poppy was looking at me intently. Her eyes wasn't glaring at me, but it was searching for something in me. I can feel the heat creeping on my cheeks because of the way she looked at me.

 "W-What?" I stuttered stupidly.

 "Why are you doing this Newbie?" She whispered like her question itself was not meant to be heard by anyone, but I heard it - I heard her. The tone of her voice was softer and clearer than her usual tone.

 I gulped, "I'm doing nothing. What do you mean?"

 "You..." She was still looking at me before sighing and averting her eyes from me. "Whatever. Forget I asked anything." 

 She took a step back and turned her back towards me. "Just answer this one thing." 

 "Yeah?" I spoke my voice quivered a little as I fidgeted with the towel in my hands.

 "Did you mean what you said earlier? That tip. You only need me to be Poppy and you will be my friend?"

 I grinned as warmth blossomed in my chest, "Yeah." 

 At that moment Poppy's car arrived.  A man opened the door for her. Before stepping inside Poppy halted like she wanted to say something. She shook her head a little before finally entering the car. What were you gonna say?  I tried to bury that curiosity as I watch her car leave. I finally let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding back. 

 "Today had been weird." I mumbled as I started walking back inside.

[lolkhai]

in the memory of a love story like in those stupid romance movies that i’ve never believed in.

dearest you,

it’s been a while since our last slight interaction. i actually thought we would meet paths again because of they way i felt the little sparkle in my heart, for just one tiny second, as my eyes lightened up and i smiled so large while i rolled up in my bed giggling like a little kid, i felt warmth in heart for the first time in God knows how long.

this happened 3 days ago. i’m not doing great anymore, i've had my 15 minutes of drunk happiness on a beautiful night with clear skies and when i woke up i felt okay, still feeling that drop of euphoria from the previous night.  i continued my day with my little tasks, my mind not leaving you for a second. to be honest, i hated myself for that, because i know it wasn’t healthy for my heart. we all know that these letters will never see the light of the day, even tho i wish you would see them, cause you know me and how much i love to write you letters, because i’m too much of a coward to tell you myself.

i came here to say goodbye, to pour my feelings out for you for one last time. 

i may be a patient and hopeful person, my mom grew me like that, but i also have a strong intuition and, baby, i don’t feel anything right now. i don’t feel the small sparkle i told you about in the beginning, i see grey, i see unimaginable void, as the butterflies in my chest left, as the sparkle in my eyes faded and my heart started aching instead of tingling. 

and all of these are just signs losing hope and, maybe, the universe signing me to ease my heart and mind. 

deep inside, i will always keep holding on, even though if it’s by the thinest strand of hair. i gotta be honest, i wish i wouldn’t, i wish i would be able to control my feelings, but it’s been so long and yet, my heart started beating fast that one night, reminding me how it feels to love you.

and i will keep loving you, that’s for sure, i’ve been doing it for so long, it’s so natural for me to feel this.

i don’t know how and why i am cursed with you, cause you don’t deserve me and my love. and even though i am aware of that, i still see something in you that makes me love you so, so much.

i wish i was the one you would share your time, memories, laughs, kisses, smiles. i wish i was the one that would bring you happiness. i wish i was the one to make you realize how loved you are, how important you are, to tell you how beautiful you are. and i wish you were the one to make me smile, to brighten my days, i wish you were the one to read all my love letters and other writings that i never share with anyone else, to be my motivation, to be my another.

day by day, as the flame of hope consumes me like a candle and burns me, my heart tells me to move on and my mind slaps itself. and it’s okay, it’s the cliché of almost every romance story that doesn’t have a happy ending. 

and i know ours doesn’t have an happy ending cause i’m writing it,

right now.

as i said, it’s a goodbye letter, from me to you, as much as i wish i was writing a love letter telling you how much i love you and how lucky i am to have you in my life instead, i think it’s time for me to transit into my healing phase, where i will start loving myself like i deserve to. 

and people always tell me “you don’t deserve this” like i don’t know, but if i don’t deserve this pain then why? why am i not happy? this year has been so shitty and this past month has been by far the worst, as my hopes for a summer full of love and adventures lower by second. 

i’m so tired, so tired. of everything. 

i want to be happy, i want to be truly happy for once in a long time, i want to wake up and smile, i want to wake up and feel love and to love. 

i hate myself for still searching for you, my heart pounds inside me as i check my phone every other minute, hoping to see the smallest interaction from you. i hope, i hope...

and i hope. and then i hope again. to see you, to feel you, to talk to you.

but i feel like it is too late and i’ve been hurting too much, to the point i felt like the end of the world was near. 

so i’m saying goodbye.

i will try to find another occupation, to stop myself from thinking about you. i am aware of the fact that there are ways that might start a small interaction with you, like maybe making the first step, or something like that. i wish i was a brave girl, like you used to paise me to be, but i am not, at least not anymore. i will work on myself, i will try to stop myself from checking on you, on checking my phone.

it will not be easy, but it is what it is. i don’t know what else to do. 

i’m sorry i couldn’t be brave. and i’m sorry to myself too, that i lost myself, once again, in love. 

yours, as i always signed myself in all the letters dedicated to you and only you,

- khai. 凯��

[spectre-of-communism]

I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello"  " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32:  "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

[jjsjuiceboxx]

NOT SO SUBTLE

REQUESTED FOR: @www-imbored-com

SUMMARY- You and Drew have grown close filming season 1 of obx, you think you’re starting to love him and you think he likes you back because he is very touchy and he always makes sure he is sitting close to you.

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️: cussing.

A/N: this is just a bunch of fluff, happy reading :).

☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎

While filming season 1 of obx drew was one of the first people you got close with dont get me wrong you were friends with everyone and close with everyone but you and Drew’s friendship was a bit more then the others, you noticed how in the first month of filming season one Drew got a little flirty complimenting you every chance you got “wow that dress looks beautiful on you” which always led to you blushing. By the third month of filming he would open doors for you and always offering his water to you.

6 months into coming you guys held hands hugged and cuddled. In public the people who didn’t know you guys thought y’all were dating but you were not you never went on dates and he never asked you to be his girlfriend. Of course you hung out outside of filming but it was mostly with the group every now and then you two would go out alone.

Currently you were on set filming season 2 you had already done your scenes for the day but decided to stay back just in case they needed you to help or, or help madelyn take pictures and funny videos for tomfoolery, “hey did I show you the photo of Drew I took this morning in the trailers?” Madelyn asked after taking a photo of the sunset with the silhouettes of the pogues in the background looking like shadows “no, but now you said it I need to see it” you said she handed her camera over flicking to the photo and there it was Drew practically passed out in his breakfast burrito “oh my god that is gold he isn’t living that down ever”

Who isn’t living what down?” The man who uses a burrito as a pillow muses at you “oh nothing dearest drewseph” Maddie said laughing and putting her camera away “how was your day?” You asked calming down from laughing so hard you barely saw him today “it was good I missed my lady around, oh did you drink enough water? And eat? I know how you get when you don’t eat food” Drew reprimanded but sweetly you rolled your eyes “yes Drew I ate food dont worry they beast is in hibernation from a food coma” you said Maddie and Drew laughed “ok good we don’t need you to break another window” Maddie said remembering how you were starving you all were but you had it the worst and were so mad at Rudy and chase for messing around you punched a window and broke it then immediately apologized for breaking a window and said you were just really hungry Austin walked to you and literally shoved a hamburger in your mouth and you were so quiet for 20 mins while you at his hamburger feeling so much better ever since then everyone makes sure you ate so you don’t end up splitting them in half.

“Yeah yeah I’ve gotten a lot better” “yeah because we all remind you to eat or shove food in your face” jonas walked over to the three of you “hey guys so we just need the pogues for the rest of the day so it’s a wrap on you guys if you wanted to go and stuff” Jonas said and walked off quickly to direct what’s happening next “I was thinking of going out to this lake where you can rent paddle boards and canoes and stuff, do y’all wanna come?” Drew asked “yeah that sounds like fun I’ve never been paddle boarding before” “I would but I promised I would help out around with everything you guys have fun tho” Maddie said you guys said goodbye and hopped into a car.

Once you arrived you immediately took a picture of the view because it was so beautiful “Drew this is beautiful, how did you find this?” You asked amazed “aww yanno just some tourist site thing” you walked up to the people at the booth for the paddle boards once you got the paddle boards you and Drew started to paddle in the lake “so am I your lady or is there a secret women I need to know about?” You asked Drew laughing “oh it’s definitely you but i dont know one of the set members dog looked really good today” you both bursted out laughing “you’re such an idiot” “oh yeah well can an idiot do this?” Drew questioned before throwing himself off the paddle board and doing a flip landing perfectly into the water.

“No I guess an idiot can’t do that, you’ve proved me wrong starkey im quite impressed” you said clapping for him “good because I’ve actually never done that before and just hoped it would look cool not gunna lie I was trying to impress you” Drew said getting slightly red “well you’ve succeeded tremendously” you said you guys continued talking and paddle boarding deciding to race you lossed tho because you fell into the water.

“Drew look at the view it’s soo pretty oh my god” you said taking out your phone and snapping a bunch of photos you stopped when you heard a camera shatter and looked at your phone confused since you put your silencer on so it wouldn’t disrupt your time with Drew you looked over and Drew is looking at his phone smiling then he showed you the photo it was of you in the paddle boat taking a photo of the view “should I post this and be basic and caption it “she thought the view was pretty but I thought she was prettier” ?” Drew asked making your laugh “oh of course I’m trying to turn you into a white girl that should be the first step” you said you sighed “thank you for saying I’m pretty” you blushed and looked down at your reflection in the lake you guys paddle board was side by side so it was easy for him to take his hand to your chin and make you look at him “youre so welcome, honestly you’ve made this whole experience so great and I just want to tell you that I love you a lot and uh do you want to officially be my lady?” You laughed but said yes and you guys kissed it got a little heated because of all the sexual tension that had been built up you had tongues in each other’s mouths your hands in his hair and his on your bare hips on of the paddle boards almost flipped “maybe we should head back to set, also we took the only car for them to get home in” you suggested drew nodded not being able to form words and off to set you went.

When you arrived you saw everyone waiting all in their normal clothes “dudes did you really kidnap my car?” Austin asked “I wouldn’t say “kidnap” I just borrowed it” drew said air quoting kidnap “whatever you’re not riding shot gun for that and neither are you Y/N” Austin said getting in the drivers side you shrugged “SHOTGUN” chase belted out him and JD made eye contact and JD touched the handle first and sat down “gotta be quicker then that” JD said to chase you rolled your eyes and got in the back Drew got in right after you and you both intertwined your hands together the rest piled into the car and off you went to the apartment buildings.

Once you got on the highway JD plugged his phone in the aux and played music Rudy, chase, and both maddies were singing so loudly you got a lot of confidence from no where and unbuckled your seat belt and straddled Drew’s lap “what are you doing?” He questioned wide eyed “you’ll see just go with it” you mumbled and then started to lean in he surprised you when he met you half way and you continued what you had stopped at the lake his hands were squeezing your ass making you want to moan but you didn’t and you tugged on his hair “uh guys ? Can you like I don’t know maybe not do that?” Rudy questioned looking at you guys he was seated right next to drew one of Drew’s hands moved from your ass and waving off rudy. His hand immediately went back to where it was you felt everyone’s eyes on y’all now Rudy groaned annoyed “Ok you can borrow my car from now on” Austin said chase turned the song louder hoping you would stop Madelyn and Madison laughed you heard Madison say “that explains his insta photo she said showing everyone that he did in fact post it madelyn decided to take a picture and video recording “hey guys you gonna come up for air? She asked you just flicked her off you could hear the video replaying “dude this is gunna be so good for tomfoolery”

You guys pulled up to the apartment but you wouldn’t know cause you were still making out with Drew his hands in your shirt this time and you leaving slight hickies on his neck then going back to his lips and pulling his hair making him lean to the side so you can get better accesses chase turned around when no one got out of the car “yo love birds we are here” chase called but you still didn’t move Madison giggled “wow” Madelyn pulled her phone out again and recorded knowing the look on Rudy’s face meant he was about to do something funny “ok that’s it” Rudy stated frustration obviously on his face and tone because he was squished two on one of his side and then both the maddies to his left side keeping him from getting out of the car “I’m fucking hungry and squishedl” he complained turning towards you and drew who were still kissing you felt a hand on your forehead and then suddenly you were being pulled apart from Drew you opened your eyes to see the same was being done with Drew you moved your eyes from Drew’s to Rudy who was literally pulling you apart by your face “we are here it’s time you stop so I can get out” Rudy said his tongue out so he can focus on pulling you apart once he was satisfied he looked at you since you were closest to the door “now get out so I can get out and get food before I lose my shit” you got out and thought drew would follow but he wasn’t fast enough for Rudy’s liking “oh fuck it” Rudy said before climbing over Drew’s lap and then running to his and chases apartment door.

“Yeah don’t mess with Rudy when he is hungry he gets mean” chase said “much like Y/N just not physical leash not yet” chase mumbled “I’m going to my house to watch tv and for Cheetos” JD said “wait I’m coming, everyone out of my car” Austin said catching up with JD drew got out of the car and came straight to you “I guess this is goodbye” he said sadly “yeah I think it is” you said back just as sad “oh my god you live in the same apartment building 3 doors down calm down” chase said going up the stairs Madison followed to get her shoes she left the night before madelyn still there laughing at the video she got of Rudy pulling you and drew apart.

You hugged drew and went in for another kiss, Madelyn had left by now leaving the two of you out there you both pulled apart and said your goodbyes “goodnight drew I’ll see you tomorrow” “goodnight my lady” drew said you went to move out of his embrace but couldn’t he was latched on you tapped his shoulder but only got a hmm “babe, you gotta let go” you said laughing “I did” “yeah for 2 seconds” you literally had to pull him away from you and turned him around and slightly shoved him in the direction of his house he went to come back to you which led you to turn around and run away from him “Drew I love you but if you hug me one more time I won’t let go” you shouted as you got further away from him you heard him laugh and went into your apartment with both maddie’s you heard your phone ding and saw drew texted you saying that he missed you.

[painted-crow]

Submission time #6

Primary Mess

Hi, I’m having trouble figuring out my primary. Could you please help? Secondary wise, I’m a Lion with a Bird model. My family culture is definitely Snake, which probably has influenced my morals. My mother especially is a VERY loud Snake primary. 

Paint: Good to know!

Just a reminder to everyone about how the submission format around here works, the original submission will be indented and my comments/responses will be in blue, like this.

Because this one is structured around the quiz, I'm also going to be coloring the quiz questions in pink, just so they're easier to pick out.

I doubt Badger because I'm not really attached to my community. I was at one point, but I doubt some of their beliefs so I've drawn away. Snake I've been evaluating all my relationships and there's no one I trust that much or who I'm that close to. I don't think it bothers me as much as a snake either.  Lion just feels like too much. I'm not that righteous. Bird, I don't think I'm that adaptable. Also I doubt I have a system, Idk tho.

Okay, so you're probably an Idealist! You disconnected from your community because of beliefs/ideals, which is a very Idealist thing to do (although it's less firm if the beliefs that pushed you away were extreme--Loyalists will definitely draw a line if their people start hurting others). Importantly, you don't sound very upset about it, which is also very Idealist.

Remember that Lions don't have to be confident or righteous. Burned Lions in particular distrust their own judgment.

Remember that not all Birds are flexible. Some cling hard to their systems, unwilling to change or adjust even small beliefs. Others have a core to their system that they're very firm about, and everything else is adaptable (I'm one of those). Others are willing to change basically anything given enough time and evidence. Systems aren't flexible by definition.

We can Fall/Burn if an integral/core part of our system collapses, or if we lose our confidence in being able to perceive reality accurately enough and make decisions about it. Fallen Birds aren't what you'd describe as flexible, either.

Sorry in advance for this being so long.... 

Ambivalent answers: (had trouble with)

If people in your family or community disagree with you, is it hard to act against their wishes?

I don’t care about whether or not my community disagrees with me. I would probably feel judged to some degree, but honestly that makes me feel even more stubborn in my decision. I barely know most of the people in my community, they’re only acquaintances. If I cared about what they thought, I would go crazy. 

My family is a different matter. I would listen to them and take their opinions into account, but in the end I need to think my decision is right. I’m the one who has to live with it, so I should agree with it too. Sometimes I’ll bend because I may not care too much about the outcome or I can have the outcome fit what I want by listening to others' advice. I have avoided conflict in the past with family members by just shutting up, but most of the time I have a very vocal opinion. (That may relate to my secondary tho.) 

I think out of all the answers, I agree with, “Yes, because I have to live with and around them and they can make my life more difficult with their disapproval.” “It might be hard, but I’ve got to do what I think is right.” and “I don’t care about what the larger community says, but if people really close to me are against something, then I’m less likely to go through with it.” It honestly depends on what the situation is. 

This seems like more evidence that you're an Idealist primary. Leaning towards Lion so far.

Would you lie to an acquaintance to save their peace of mind?

The key word in this question is acquaintance. I wouldn’t really feel guilty telling a stranger the straight up truth. Lying just makes your life more complicated. It easier to tell people the truth and no one deserves to be lied to. I think that ties into my Lion secondary. I tend to simply tell the truth at most given opportunities. It's just easier. I will hide the truth though. Lying makes me feel icky but simply choosing not to tell someone something doesn't feel quite as wrong. Sometimes I feel guilty about telling the truth about personal things because, “oh no, now this person has power over me and I don’t know if they’re trustworthy.” However, that doesn’t happen too often anymore. I just don't tell anyone when I'm in pain. It's none of their business and why should they care anyway? They have better things to do. 

I am usually more careful with my friends though. I still will tell the truth most of the time. It's too hard to keep up a lie and it makes me feel bad. I think the exception to the no lying thing would be if I think the person will attack me for telling the truth. I don't need that kind of emotional abuse. 

So basically I chose, “I would if lying made my life easier and it wouldn’t make me feel bad at all.” I didn't think I wouldn’t lie is precise enough. I wasn’t sure exactly what they meant by acquaintance. Like how well do you know this person? Also can I trust them not to lash out at me for telling them the truth?

Since you said lying makes you feel icky, I don't think that's the answer you want to go for--"I wouldn't lie" seems closer to what you mean.

When you’re making a decision and you’re stuck, what should you do?

Honestly, this question makes me feel weird. I need to find what makes sense, but I also have to be able to agree with my decision feelings wise. I will listen to advice from other people and try to learn at least a little about the topic before making a decision. I would probably also freeze up, especially if it’s a sudden decision or there are too many options to choose from. 

I chose the, “I need to take a breath…”

This still has me leaning towards Lion for you.

Does disagreeing with your closest friends about something important to you make you love them less? 

No, they’re my friends because of who they are, not what they believe. (which I realize is basically almost the same thing, but idk how else to explain) As long as they don’t believe something horrible that involves hurting people our friendship won’t be affected. Your political views or opinions about certain things aren't going to affect our friendship. I may respect them less but it wouldn’t be over something minor or because of one situation. I don’t think I would have been their friend or even liked them very much if they were “bad” people. It takes time for me to really establish someone as one of my closest friends so by then I know them pretty well so something like this is less likely to happen. 

Huh, interesting! You might have some Snake to your Sorting.

Which of these statements is more true for you?

I think I would choose to stand by the people I love. There are always exceptions though. If it was about standing with them for a cause, it depends on the cause. If they’re standing for something wrong, like against basic human rights, I don’t think I could support them. I have to be able to stomach it. I trust that my people wouldn’t do something like that though. If it was against a person, I’m afraid I would be biased towards my people. Once I commit I'll stick by them. You can’t just abandon people you love, what’s the point of loving them if you don’t support them? 

If you're a Lion, I think you have a Snake model--or you have Snake ideals coded as "good" in your intuition. This seems like a strong possible Sorting for you.

You might yet be a Snake with a Lion model, though.

Vehement answers: (strongly agree)

What’s your top priority?

Automatically my mind went to a specific goal of mine. I felt guilty immediately because shouldn’t it be family? Making the world a better place didn’t even come close.  I ended up choosing my goals and feeling incredibly guilty about it. It just seems selfish to say that, but I wanted to be as honest as possible.

Remember, primaries are aspirational, and your knee-jerk reaction isn't necessarily your truest one/what you really think. (The fact that you think it *is* kind of supports the Lion theory, lol.) It's just surface thoughts, or what you've been conditioned to think.

It'd help the quiz if you picked an answer you don't feel guilty for prioritizing. You should feel right in choosing your answers, even if you don't always live up to them.

Would you feel worse abandoning a stranger in need or turning our back on your closest friend?

This one was easy, my closest friend. If it was a stranger who really really needed me I would feel guilty, but I would feel worse abandoning someone I’ve loved for years.

Again, this is either Snake or Lion with a lot of Snakey loyalty baked in.

Loving people is a lot of trouble.

Agreed. Worth it? Idk.

xD

What if everyone you loved left you? They betrayed you, abandoned you, or died, and you’re hurting. What keeps you moving forward?

This one was easy. I don’t think I would survive that. I lost a friend in the past and was just really upset and angry about being abandoned for a long time. I would just harden up and stop letting people in. I would basically just work. Set goals and throw myself into accomplishing them like a machine.

Huh, I don't really know what to say about this Sorting wise. That sounds rough though, I'm sorry you had to go through that :c

What if you realized that absolutely everything you thought true was wrong? The authorities you’d trusted, the beliefs you’d held, the wrongs you’d fought against?

I chose, “I’d have to go sit by myself in a corner….” That trust being broken would be shattering. I don’t have too much faith in authorities, probably because they’re not close to me. Yes, they affect my lives but I have no personal attachments to them. However, having conflicting beliefs is one of the things that really hurts. You don’t know which belief is right, and what if the one you decide is right is really wrong? If all my beliefs were actually proved wrong I’m not sure I would know what to do with myself. 

Not to read too much into this, but the word "trust" here is interesting! What is it you're trusting? You say yourself that it's not trust in authority. Other people are important to you, but it seems like you don't lean on them too heavily for your own morality. It seems like you're talking about trust in yourself, and that's the core of a Lion's primary.

You can’t help everyone in the world who needs it, but you wish you could.

I help people when I can and when I see someone who needs me and I choose to walk away I feel guilty. I don't worry about it enough to choose the "It makes me feel like a bad person sometimes," answer.

Fair enough! This doesn't contradict any previous information, so let's keep moving.

Do you listen to your intuition? 

This one was fairly simple? Umm it depends, when I have nothing else to go on, yes. Sometimes it's wrong and sometimes it's right. I can trust it with moral decisions most of the time or about certain people. If I get weird vibes, I’ll usually be more wary. Thinking about it now, I’m realizing that I do tend to avoid things that make me feel wrong, and the decisions I’m most assured in usually feel right. I do like to validate my feeling when I can though. I don't value being overly emotional or acting on pure emotion because it can cloud your judgment. I try to validate my feelings with proof before jumping in to things. 

Yep, that's a Lion response! Lions can be cautious and want to back up their intuition with evidence, or give decisions time and consideration, but overall they're going to be most confident and stable-feeling when they follow their intuition.

Someone points out a flaw in your logic. Their argument makes sense, but there’s something about it that just bothers you. Do you change your ways because of what they said? 

Not right away, no. I would have to go think about it, but it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll change my mind, especially if it's about a moral viewpoint. When it comes to a moral viewpoint, I have usually had an internal debate with myself already. What do I feel is right about this and what is wrong? Unless it really really bothers me and what they pointed out makes me feel like a bad person, I won't change my mind completely. I very firmly believe there is no one yes or no answer to important moral questions. It depends on the circumstances.

That feels very Lion to me, especially the "unless the dilemma makes me feel like a bad person" bit. You have Snakey values, but the source of your moral decision making seems to mostly come from your internal compass.

I’ve taken the quiz multiple times, and read all the primary posts and the ones I've stuck with longest are Snake and Lion. I have thought I was a Bird or a Badger too though. 

Please feel free to ignore this if I'm being annoying. 

I can see why you landed with the Internal primaries, yeah--and I'm with you, I think you're almost certainly one of those two and you model the other.

I do think you're a Lion who's modeling Snake, though. Your intuition says that Snake ideals are good and worthy, that it's right to be loyal to those you care for--but it sounds to me like you're thinking and talking about it in a very Idealist flavored way.

It's ultimately up to you to decide, but I hope this helps!

--Paint

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Touchy

Commission prompt: Jackothy (though if you want to add Rhys I won’t complain 👀): After having his face scarred, Jack realizes the only way he can see and feel his own face again is if he goes to see Tim. The other doppelgängers use tech which isn’t the same, who knows what they look like underneath? And Tim is... oddly ok with that (not at first tho; Jack was annoying. Still is but it’s oddly charming now) He spent his whole life being overlooked, and Jack focused solely on him is intense... basically Timtam gets a little too heated when Jack looks at and touches his face. Tim thirsts.

This is the first part of the commission :D Subsequent parts on my ao3 here. My masterlist archive of bullshit i write can be found linked at the top of the blog or here.

--

Handsome Jack was many things.

A hero, in short, opener of vaults and defeater of monsters, and CEO of the most powerful company in the galaxy.

And the price of that power had been his face.

Sure, Jack tried to buy into his own propaganda as much as he expected his employees to, but he couldn’t really lie to himself, even if he desperately wanted to. The ironic fact that he’d fashioned himself a mask of his own face wasn’t lost on him, but denial was a powerful thing.

He was scarred, disfigured with an injury which refused any kind of correction be it medical, scientific, or bordering on alien technology. The mask had been the logical next-step to try to regain some semblance of what he’d lost, and for a time, the power and re-branding that came with seizing an empire for his own was a good distraction.

He’d tried. Oh how he’d tried.

Every day that he looked in the mirror, mask or no, it bothered him just a little bit more until he couldn’t just ignore it. The mask began to overwrite his memories of his true features, making him panic in need of removal, only to have his ruined, panicked face stare back at him from the bathroom mirror.

The mask functioned as his face, but it just wasn’t. And without it, he still didn’t look like himself; not as he truly remembered. The damage his face had sustained did more than just wound his vanity. The deep fissure of old scar tissue bothered him sometimes if he stubbornly left the mask on for too long, and without that technologically-superior second-skin, he was almost totally blind in his left eye. Forgetting his face made him fear he was forgetting himself, and Handsome Jack the CEO of Hyperion wasn’t afraid of anything.

The logical next-step to quell the fear of ignominy was quite clear.

“Rhysie?” Jack spoke up, startling his personal assistant from whatever he’d been doing at his desk as he looked at the younger man. “Call up Timothy for me, would ya kitten? It’s about time for a quality-check. Make sure he’s still on-brand. And by on-brand, I mean me. Heh, get it? Because he’s me; Mr. Hyperion.”

Rhys gave Jack a depreciating moue. “If you’re going to say something about him being on you, or you being on me, or vice-versa, don’t bother. You’ve made that joke before,” Rhys snarked back, the snort Jack gave making the PA grin despite himself. “Get some new material, first.”

“Look at you, thinkin’ you’ve got me figured out,” Jack teased. “What color underwear am I wearing today, cupcake?”

“I’m surprised you even know about underwear, Jack.”

Two for two. It made the CEO genuinely grin.

Rhys was a good little assistant. Even if his creepy fanboy-gazes had eventually stopped after a few months of working for him, he still blushed when Jack brazenly flirted with him, though the older man never took it too far. Rhys was efficient, and despite Jack’s teasing, he did know the older man better than any past secretary or other idiot that couldn’t carry out Jack’s iron will the way he wanted.

Jack had gone through… a lot of personal assistants. The ones that had nervous breakdowns were one thing. The incompetant ones he certainly didn’t miss, but a couple had at least been amusing until Jack had had to airlock them.

And then came Rhys. The younger man wasn’t just good at his job, but he was one of a very few people to act normal around the older man despite his obvious hero-worship; to tease him back and roll his eyes at Jack’s too-sweet coffee-orders, and laugh at his dirty jokes, or come right back with ones to challenge them.

Jack knew it said a lot about him that he enjoyed an (ex)-creepy fanboy as the one to handle the personal details of his day, but he also felt just a little bolstered by the fact that Rhys still flushed pink sometimes over some of his more creative innuendos, despite the back-talk and rolled eyes. It reminded him that even after years of wearing the mask-- of no one seeing his true face- that he could still make a pretty, leggy PA blush. Despite the fact his face wasn’t exactly a face.

He was insecure. He was vain.

He knew he was vain, but the choice to rebrand himself after the branding-incident was wrought from insecurity above anything else, and he lied to himself about that as well. He changed his name to reflect what he wanted to believe: Handsome Jack. That he came into this world good-looking-- and so help him god- he wouldn’t let current-circumstances let anyone forget that fact.

Reminding himself, however, was where Tim came in.

“Tim is still on Elpis finishing that… thing,” Rhys informed with a slight, distasteful raise of his pouty lips. “When did you want me to set it up?”

“That thing,” Jack began, ignoring Rhys’ question to grin a little, “is going to make me even more stinkin��� rich than I already am, kiddo.” Rhys gave him a further-displeased look. “Oh come on, you liked the idea of eternal youth.”

“Spreading some Shuggurath-derived wrinkle cream on your face isn’t the same thing as eternal youth, Jack.”

The CEO didn’t miss a beat, and didn’t allow himself to dwell on the subtext Rhys didn’t even know he was on to. “It won’t just be the face, kitten. My scientists are gonna make it work on everything.” The regenerative-properties the creatures had were promising, according to the eggheads in R&D. Jack shot him a smirk. “Balls, too.”

“Gross.”

“What, you some too-good-for-nice-smooth-balls type?” Jack gave an exaggerated look over his desk. “You?”

Rhys put his face in his flesh hand. “I’m more disturbed by the fact you’ve got Tim out there milking them, Jack.”

“I was just being nice saying that.” Jack’s grin grew. “He’s not milking them for the compound so much as--”

“Aaaaand file that under things I definitely do not need to know about before lunch,” Rhys quickly interrupted, ignoring the older man’s grin and murmuring about ‘protein’ strands and regenerative ‘slimes’. “When do you want me to have him come up once it’s done?”

Jack knew exactly when he wanted Tim here: after-hours in private once Rhys had already left for the day.

He needed this. He needed it badly and couldn’t hold off any longer.

It had been over a month since Jack’s last ‘quality check’, and while Tim submitted to them without issue, too many not-between-missions-checks might raise the double’s suspicions as to what Jack was really doing. Looking at photos of the double were one thing (and good to help him hold out against the fear of losing himself in his mind’s eye), but it wasn’t the same as touching the planes of your ‘own’ face.

Good thing Tim was on a relatively-safe job collecting samples from the otherwise-dangerous creatures; Jack would be able to look and feel to his heart’s content under the guise of genuine quality-control when he knew there wasn’t a threat at all.

“That job’s almost finished though, right?” Jack asked conversationally. “Day after tomorrow? Did Timtams send you an update?”

Rhys’ lips pulled thin. “Yes. And he sent pictures, too.” Pictures Rhys honestly didn’t need to see, though Tim’s comments on each one were funny at least. The one the annoyed-double had sent of himself covered in… Well, Rhys wasn’t sure Shugguraths had entrails, but the caption of ‘Hyperion Beauty Cream coming to a store near you!’ made the image amusing at least.

It was still a gross assignment though.

Jack grinned at Rhys’ sour look. “Heh, neat. Send those to my comm, wouldja sugarplum?”

“If you have nightmares, it’s not my fault,” Rhys warned as he did as Jack asked. “There. Sent. Ew.”

“You could always send me some nicer pictures to give me sweet dreams, Rhysie,” Jack purred, teasing a bit even as his heart rate spiked at his PA’s words. Rhys just rolled his eyes with a little blush and a muttered “buy me dinner first” which made Jack relax a bit through a smirk.

There was no way Rhys could know what was going on in Jack’s head-- his words were coincidence was all, and Jack knew he was getting paranoid again- but the promise of his double’s return from Elpis was a relief that kept his worries carefully contained.

No one knew what was going on in his head. No one knew that Handsome Jack-- most powerful man in the whole goddamn galaxy who put the word ‘handsome’ into his own name- suffered from poor self-image. And no one would, as far as Jack could help it.

Hell, no one would believe that at any rate, either, which Jack was immensely grateful to his PR team about.

He was just tired. Stressed. Seeing Tim would help matters. Feeling him would help a lot more.

The taunting nightmares were keeping him from restful sleep; looking into a dream-mirror to pull off his mask only for nothing to be beneath it but a horrifying blankness, and in the dream (and sometimes still once awake) Jack really couldn’t recall what his face had once looked like. Putting his actual hands on his double would soothe his psyche a great deal, the tactile-sensation further embedding the shape and feel and perfection of Tim’s own face back into Jack’s subconscious.

Rhys set up the meeting, and now all Jack had to do was wait.

--

It hadn’t been easy to not watch the clock, or to keep his foot from tapping anxiously under his desk days later, but once Rhys had packed up-- asking multiple times if Jack would like him to stay- the CEO was pacing the space behind his big desk waiting for Tim’s return.

Elpis loomed outside the large window, it’s pink glimmer lending an ethereal-quality to Jack’s office as Rhys got the main-lights as he’d left. Only the light on Jack’s desk remained on, the rest of the office bathed in Elpis’ glow. To think he’d once wanted to crack the proto-planet like egg, only for it to be key to his recovery.

The Shuggurath research was extremely promising. That the creatures could generate other creatures-- not that Rathyds were particularly useful themselves; moon-Rakks, Jack called them- lead down some very interesting paths.

Rathyds shared a few qualities with the Shuggaraths that spawned them, but genetically they were different creatures. Shuggaraths bred just like anything else to create more Shuggaraths, but the fact they were capable of creating a second, unique animal held implications which got Jack very excited indeed.

The skin that was scarred by Eridian-technology refused any attempts to change it, while minor nicks and cuts that Jack got while shaving around the thing healed back up just fine. By his own observations (and tests several techs did before he airlocked them for what they saw) his normal skin was fine and unaffected by the depth of the brand, while the scar itself was… different.

Genetically different, but still a part of him.

Jack believed that the weird moon-dwelling animals were key to healing his face. Whatever protein or enzyme or slimey bits that they contained might be able to rewrite the damaged cells and reverse the scarring, or at the very least, minimize it to not need the mask anymore. The ugly, bulbous creatures created much more elegantly-designed animals somehow, and if that was possible, then maybe it could be applied to himself as well.

He could be normal again. Be handsome again, without the necessary moniker.

Until that happened though, Jack had Tim to get by, and he was antsy as ever to see the younger man.

“Did you forget to pay the power bill?”

Jack spun around on his heel, a grin on his face even though he’d been taken by surprise from hopeful, antsy thoughts. “Timmy! There’s my favorite double! Flip ‘em back on, wouldja kiddo?”

Tim rolled his eyes, but he had a smile on his face as he did just that, and crossed the office towards Jack’s desk. His mission had gone well, and he’d brought back more than enough samples to last quite some time. The confidence he felt over it was all over his face; especially from the lack of injury he’d come back with this time. “I think you’re gonna be impressed.”

“That so?” Jack said with a raise of his brow, impatience over wanting to get his hands on the other man’s face kept carefully tramped down. “How’s that gorgeous face, kiddo?”

“I’m more worried about my jacket,” Tim responded with a sour look. There had been… a lot of slime. “Did Rhys show you the pictures?”

“Not the ones I wanted to see,” Jack said with an implicit smirk, forcing himself to walk slowly towards the double as Tim climbed the steps to the dais Jack’s desk was on. His eagerness wasn’t something he wanted to showcase.

“Of Rhys, or of me?” Tim joked right back, grinning at Jack’s surprised bark of laughter.

“Cute, Timtam. Real cute.” Tim smirked unapologetically, and Jack knew well the mischievous look on the double’s face. So Tim was in a playful mood, then. The mission must’ve gone very well indeed. That was beyond excellent. “You feel free to send me whatever pics you feel like, handsome. I’m a big fan of close-ups.” The smile on Jack’s face was genuine, even if he was dying to get his hands on the body double. “Remind me to give you a raise, too.”

“Add that to the extra vacation days you also said you’d give me.”

Jack grinned as they stood before one-another. Tim was giving him a doubtful, accusing tilt of the head, and Jack’s fingers itched so badly to rove over Tim’s face that he didn’t even bother teasing the younger man. “I did say that, didn’t I?” He raised his hands to Tim’s face, the double patiently waiting for Jack to remove the mask himself. It was something the older man insisted upon-- part of the nightmare he badly needed to address- to remove the mask and find no damage beneath. “Echo Rhysie about it. Now let’s see that gorgeous face.”

Jack tried to keep his fingers steady as he reached for the double’s face, and Tim waited far more eagerly than he wanted to appear.

Tim didn’t necessarily care for these ‘brand-checks’ at first. Jack already demanded most of his time, and what little free time he did have, he didn’t want to waste on his boss making sure he still “looked right”.

Pfft, as if Tim wasn’t a professional.

Tim wasn’t exactly vain himself, but he did take pride in his acting skills, and no one was a better Jack than him. That was just a fact. Because there were no other Jacks like him. None who’d undergone extensive plastic surgery, modulator-implants, and actually fought side-by-side with the CEO before he was the CEO. Tim might not have been much pre-surgery, but Jack had seen his potential, and Tim had risen to all expectations. And he was proud of that.

None of the other doubles knew Jack the way Tim did, either, not to mention actually looked like him. The others used tech which was fully reversible. What he did was an art, regardless of his personal feelings on the matter.

So needing to be checked if he was ‘on-brand’ was insulting to his professionalism at first, and annoying at best, even if it was always the same. Jack’s scrutiny had made him uncomfortable, as if Tim could lose everything he’d managed to gain after being overlooked for so long in his life. And Tim hadn’t liked it.

He liked it now.

Jack had nice hands. He’d know. It wasn’t an awful thing to be so casually handled by him, and regardless of how long he’d known Jack now, the intense focus of such a powerful man always got his heart beating just a bit faster.

Jack’s hands were expert in the removal of Tim’s own mask, the CEO undoing the clasps before setting the material down on his desk. His attention came back to Tim, and at that moment the double watched him carefully for the change that would occur in the older man during the reveal.

Jack was… different during these checks, but not necessarily in a bad way.

He always took a moment after the mask was fully removed-- eyes darting about Tim’s face as if to check that everything was still there- before a sort of almost relief settled into the older man’s eyes. And then came Tim’s favorite part: the quirk of Jack’s lips as the man cupped both his cheeks in his large, warm hands, and firmly brushed his thumbs over Tim’s cheeks.

Tim used to blush heavily when Jack had first started demanding these checks. The intensity of the CEO’s focus had made poor Tim go entirely red in the face, and he had trouble meeting Jack’s eyes the first few times. Jack’s hands were always surprisingly gentle if not firm on him, the inspection a lot more like a full face massage than anything else. The touches and traces of fingers and thumbs over the bridge of his nose, under his left eye, the bottom of his cheeks, all made Tim want.

They hadn’t at first, though. Tim was observant, and the simple fact alone that Jack wanted to inspect under the mask-- where no one else ever saw anyways so what would it matter if he had some blemish or something?- made him think.

Tim wondered sometimes if Jack ever forgot that he knew what the CEO really looked like under the mask, or if he thought Tim might be repelled by it, and thus hid what Tim suspected were the true reasons for checking. The double had his own suspicions on what Jack was really doing.

He’d been there when Jack had been branded. It made an impression on him for multiple reasons: the way Jack handled the pain; the visceral reaction to seeing-- essentially- himself be branded, skin ruined and blistered. The way Jack was still somehow strong after the fact and overcame it all. Yeah, Tim had changed his entire being into someone else, but it had been more or less voluntary, and wholly expected. What Jack went through…

Well.

Tim had been there for it and he still couldn’t imagine going through that himself. Not without totally breaking. Him and Jack maybe butted heads sometimes but he admired the hell out of the older man, and even a bit more than that.

It was part of the reason he submitted to these examinations. There was something pitiful and desperate and utterly human in the way Jack’s thumbs sometimes slid up his cheekbones, palms sliding down to turn his chin this way and that between his big hands. Jack might’ve poked fun about telling him not to break Jack’s investment in ‘his’ face, but there was something a little too real behind his concern. It made Tim ache for the Jack he knew right before the man was betrayed. He knew what the scarring looked like, but such superficial things, ironically, didn’t matter to the double.

Tim tilted his head as Jack’s thumb slid down the side of his neck, hoping the older man wouldn’t register the hard thump of his heart, and then Jack breathed out in clear relief before letting Tim go. He tried to hide his disappointment that it was over already.

Tim’s voice wasn’t as confident as he would’ve preferred, but he kept the excited tremor from it, at least. “Everything still in one piece?” he joked as Jack looked at him a few moments more.

The CEO raised a brow, cocky-smile back in place. “Why, got something more interesting to show me, Timtam?” He waggled his brows in what was clear tease as Tim rolled his eyes.

“I only got a little electrocuted, and nowhere interesting,” the double replied.

Jack didn’t miss the slight pinkness to Tim’s actual cheeks (the sight was going to be in his dreams tonight for its rareness, that much he was certain) but the older man didn’t comment on it. “Interesting for you, or interesting for me?” He gave the double a wink.

Tim felt his heart thump hard in his chest, deciding to play a little with the older man in lieu of getting to truly indulge; Jack flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean it was real, or that he meant it. Tim still liked it, though. “I’m not stripping to let you find out. It’s cold in here.”

Jack snorted and retrieved the mask from his desk. “You can always send me pictures. Don’t forget about that!” Jack handed the mask back to Tim. He never liked putting the mask back on the double himself, and Tim never questioned it. It was something he preferred to watch Tim do; something his subconscious would have to reconcile as an active choice to cover his unharmed face.

“There would have to be pictures for me to even send,” Tim muttered as he put things back in place.

“I like your thinking, pumpkin! Let me know if you need any inspiration.”

Tim snorted but left on his way as Jack shooed him out.

The CEO collapsed into his chair once the office was again left in Elpis’ pink glow. He felt more relaxed than he had all month, and with the relief of Tim’s visit finally washed over him, he knew he was going to get a very good night’s sleep indeed.

He wasn’t even mad that he didn’t have any dirty dreams that night, instead happy to sleep like the dead.

He’d need to take advantage of all the rest he could get now, before the shame of his true face caught back up to him again.

--

Chapter 2 will be found at my ao3 :)

kofi | ao3 | commission ‘info’