#that shapeshifter sure opened up a can of worms huh

[neo--queen--serenity]

Utterly tragic that Chilchuck canonically sees Senshi as a paragon of sex appeal and Senshi canonically sees Chilchuck as a small baby child in need of a parent

[pof203]

Rockababy Halloween (Short Story)

This is a short story for Rockababy with a few OCs. I also like to apologize in advance for turning Boomer’s housewife outfit into a costume. It was just too convenient. Also, my OC, Rosa-Maria, is not in this. This story is in case I don’t finish her story in time. Also, the end scenario is based off one of the stories from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

It was a crisp Halloween morning. Brick had just gotten up and was about to get ready for school when his neighbor, Mrs. Gowan, came to him in the front of his house.

“Excuse me, Brick,” she said. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“What is it, Mrs. Gowan?”

“Well, me and my husband are going to a Halloween party at my sister’s in the next town and we can’t take our daughter, Martha, and her friends trick-or-treating.”

“What about her friends’ parents?”

“Sally’s mom has an extra shift at the hospital and Patty’s dad has a bad cold. And we can’t hire any sitters because they already have their hands full for tonight. So I thought, if you’re not too busy tonight, do you think you can take them? We’ll pay you.”

“Are you sure? You know how your husband feels about me… and Boomer.”

“True. But it was either you or ask his sister, Daniel, and she hates kids. But I convinced him. So, can you do it?”

“Well, I guess I can. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get my friends in on this.”

“I don’t see why not. I’ll bring her by later tonight before we leave. Thank you, Brick.”

With that, she leaves and Brick goes off to school.

At school, Brick tells the other Bozos as well as Richie and Ace about what his neighbor asked him.

“I think it’s sweet you want to help your neighbor,” said Boomer. “I think it would be a good idea.”

“He’s gotta point,” said Ace. “Besides, we have nothin’ better to do tonight and I don’t feel right about letting three young girls go out on their own.”

“What about that Si-Fi movie marathon on TV?” asked a disappointed Richie.

“Hey, there’s always next year,” said Shifty.

“I suppose. Besides… I think I have an idea for a costume.”

“Like what?” asked Ace.

The bell rang and Richie left for class, looking back to his friends with a smile and a wink saying, “It’s a surprise.”

Later after school, Shifty was at home with Buttons. He was looking in the mirror trying to decide what he should be for Halloween.

“You got any idea?” he asked her.

She just squeaked. This was to be her first Halloween.

“I guess I’ll try something.”

Shifty shapeshifted into some detective clothing. He was wearing a dark grey suit, a silver watch, and a gun holster under his coat. He completed the ensemble with a cigarette.

“Just like Bones, huh?”

Buttons laughed.

“But then again, Bones might be going as this. Next.”

Shifty shapeshifted into some kind of space raider. Some of the marks from his alien form would act his tattoos and had a lollipop in his mouth.

“I got the idea from one of Richie’s movies. What do ya think?”

Buttons squeaked in agreement. Then, he looked into the mirror.

“On second thought, this might be a bit too much. Next.”

Shifty was now a nerd just like Richie. To really sell it, he put on some headphone, had glasses that were blue in contrast to Richie’s red ones, and even a band aid on his cheek. Looking in the mirror, Shifty was quite impressed.

“This get-up makes me look young.”

Buttons makes a gesture like she was saying “Richie”.

“Yeah, I think this may be ahead of its time.”

Shifty decided to go for the big guns. He shapeshifted into the scariest thing he could think of… A square jock just like Ace. He was wearing a blue letterman’s jacket with an S, a blue tie, and even changed his hair style. To make it even more convincing, he had a football that Ace left behind from his last visit.

“What do ya think now?”

Buttons just stared a little confused.

“Yeah, this could be bad for my rep, even if I told ‘em that it’s just a costume.” He changed back to his usual greaser clothes. “I’ll think of something on the way. Right now… Let’s get on with your own costume.”

Buttons squeaked in delight.

First, Shifty dressed Buttons like some Russian beauty with a coat. But, the eye lashes made her look too sassy. Next, he dressed her up like a wizard. But he was afraid it would make her stick out too much. Then, he dressed her like some school teacher complete with glasses modeled after Richie’s, a pencil, and a balloon apple with a worm coming out of it. But it was way too simple.

“What would be good for you?”

Then, Buttons goes to a chest. She opens it to show his skin that he shaded some time ago.

“Huh. I thought that would have rotted away by now.”

Suddenly, Shifty got an idea. Taking the skin, he cut it up and sewed it up until it was a little version of Shifty’s alien form. It was just Button’s size and put it on her.

“Cool,” Shifty said with a smile.

Buttons squeaked in agreement.

Shifty looked up at the clock on the wall.

“Looks like we better go.”

Buttons got into Shifty’s coat and they set off for Brick’s house.

The Bozos assembled at Brick’s house in costumes. Brick was dressed as a martial arts master, complete with a pair of nun chucks and left his coat open to expose his chest which Boomer really liked. Speaking of Boomer, he was dressed like a housewife with a red dress, an apron, red heels, and even a frying pan. Ace was dressed like a 1940s detective. He also borrowed Ace’s magnifying glass to complete it. Ace claims that he came as a teen vampire. Basically, it’s just his regular clothes with his letterman jack and a pair of fake fangs.

“Hey, it was the best I could come up with,” he explained.

“You could have a least wear a cape,” suggested Boomer.

Shifty and Button arrive at last.

“You still ain’t found a costume?” asked Boomer.

“I couldn’t decide,” Shifty explained. “But look at what I did for Buttons.”

The guys couldn’t help but fond over how cute Buttons looked in her Shifty Alien suit.

“Where did you get the stuff to make it?” asked Ace.

“You don’t wanna know,” said Shifty.

Then, the familiar sound of Richie’s motorbike came in. The others turned only to drop their jaws. There was Richie… as a greaser.

“R- Richie?” asked a stunned Shifty.

“Tell me about it, stud~,” he responded.

Shifty nearly changed back into his alien form, but managed to hold it together while trying to keep Buttons in his jacket. But it was no use, and just like that, Shifty was back in his alien form. However, his coat remained.

“Holy crap, they’re coming!” said Brick as his neighbors’ door opened.

Shifty quickly took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, hoping Mr. and Mrs. Gowen wouldn’t get suspicious. Mr. and Mrs. Gowen were dressed like Alice and the Mad Hatter respectively, Matha was dressed like a princess, Sally was dressed like a cowgirl, and Patty was dressed like a witch.

“Shifty?” asked Mr. Gowen. “Is that you?”

“Y- Yes?” said a nervous Shifty.

Mr. Gowen was silent in thought for a while. And then…

“It’s perfect!” he shouted in glee. “An alien greaser? Now that’s original. I never would have thought that.”

Shifty sighted in relief.

“As for you, Richie,” said Mr. Gowen. “I’m impressed as well. Can you really see without your glasses?”

“I got contacts,” said Richie.

“Well, as long as it’s just a costume, I guess it’s fine.”

“I don’t know; I may keep this look for good… What? Can’t a guy change his style every now and again. But don’t worry. Even if I really do become a greaser, it’s still me.”

“Okay. And you, Ace, you’re not wearing a costume?”

“I am wearing a costume,” he said, pointing to his fake fangs. “It’s all I could afford at the moment.”

“I see. I guess with what happened to your father-“

“Jerry,” said Mrs. Gowen, sternly.

“Sorry. And…”

Mr. Gowen stopped when he saw Brick and Boomer.

“You… You look… Unique.”

Brick and Boomer didn’t whether they should laugh or be offended.

“Why doesn’t Dad like Brick and Boomer?” asked Martha.

“That’s not true,” said Mrs. Gowen. “It’s just that… People like Brick and Boomer make your father a little nervous.”

“But don’t worry, sweetie,” said Mr. Gowen. “I’m slowly but surely accepting it. I mean, the world is changing. Might as well change with it.”

“That’s true,” said Brick.

“By the way, Martha,” said Boomer. “I like your costume. You look just like a real princess.”

“I really wanted to be a pirate,” she said. “But Dad says that’s for boys.”

“And besides,” added Mr. Gowen. “I looked in every costume shop. They’re sold out. I guess pirates are the most popular this year. But don’t worry, we’ll try again next year.”

“Now,” said Mrs. Gowen. “Let’s go over the rules again. What’s the first rule?”

“Stay with Brick and his friends and don’t wonder off,” said Martha.

“Don’t talk to strangers,” said Sally.

“Don’t enter the houses,” said Patty. “Unless it’s the house of someone we know.”

“Take only candy that’s from houses, not off the streets,” said Martha.

“Keep the flashlights with us at all times,” said Sally.

“After getting the candy, don’t doddle, keep going,” said Patty.

“And most importantly…” said Mrs. Gowen.

“No eating the candy until after we get home,” the girls all said in unison.

“I’ve never heard of that rule before,” said Brick.

“After what happened last year, you never know what you mind find,” said Ace.

“And be sure to be back by nine,” said Mrs. Gowen. “I already made a lasagna. Heat it up when you get back.”

“Actually, I think I can make something just as good,” said Boomer.

“No,” Mr. Gowen. “I mean, you don’t need to trouble yourself. I’m sure things will be fine.”

“I can assure you, Mr. Gowen, Boomer’s a great cook,” said Brick. “Your daughter and her friends are in for a treat, if you pardon the pun since it’s Halloween.”

“I suppose… I mean, he has a frying pan.”

“Jerry, we’re going to be late,” said Mrs. Gowen.

“Right, “I’m late” is the White Rabbit’s line, not the Mad Hatter’s. Coming, Ella! Well, we’ll see you girls later. Stay safe.”

“Thanks, Dad,” said Martha.

“Thanks, Mr. Gowen,” said Sally and Patty.

With that, Mr. and Mrs. Gowen got in their car and left.

“You actually looked good in that, Boomer,” said Sally. “Nice legs.”

“Thanks,” said Boomer, proudly. “Just remember these legs are for someone else.”

He winks at Brick who was blushing happily.

“Actually, I like Shifty’s better,” said Martha. “He almost looks… sexy.”

Shifty was unsure what to say. But he could tell Buttons was stirring in his jacket in jealousy.

“You’re… Not actually falling for me, are you?” asked a nervous Shifty.

“You wish,” said Martha. “I already have a boyfriend. Just don’t tell my dad, okay?”

“Your secret is safe with me. Believe me, I can keep one.” Shifty winked with a smile and he could tell Buttons was happy.

“What’s that in your jacket?” asked Patty.

Shifty took Buttons out of his jacket as she pretends to be a stuffed toy.

“I just thought it would make it more convincing,” lied Shifty.

“I think it’s really cute,” said Patty.

“Can we go now?” asked Sally. “The good candy is always the first to go.”

“Right,” said Richie. “Let’s get going!”

With that, the Bozos, Richie (who by now is probably a Bozo himself), Ace, and the girls left for their candy quest

They went from house to house, gathering candy wherever they go. . Many people were a little confused about the Bozos’ costumes. Especially Brick and Boomer, but they ended up liking them anyway. In the upper class neighborhood where Ace once lived, he had to hide his face in hopes no one would recognize him. It would be a bit humiliating if some of the guys he once hung out with at school saw him and laughed at his current situation.

After what seemed like hours, it was time to head home.

“It’s really getting dark,” said Bones. “We should get going.”

Suddenly, it began to rain.

“We need to get inside somewhere,” said Brick.

“How about there,” said Boomer.

He was pointing to… an old abandoned house.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked an unsure Ace. “And of all the nights, a dark and stormy Halloween night?”

“Do you see anywhere else?” asked Shifty.

Ace knew this was true. So, they all went inside the house. It was dark and dusty.

“Abandoned is right,” said Brick.

“I can’t imagine anyone living here,” said Boomer.

Bones looked around the house for a bit. Suddenly, he went as pale as a ghost.

“You guys,” he said with dread. “I think I know where we are.”

“What do you mean?” asked Martha.

“I don’t get it, either,” said Shifty.

“This was before you girls were born,” said Bones. “And before Shifty came to town. It was back when we were just kids around your age.”

“Can you tell us?” asked Martha.

“Okay,” said Bones, grimly. “Just hope you like… ghost stories.”

The group sat down and listened to Bones’ story.

“Many years ago, when we were just kids, there was a rumor going around town that this house was haunted. Every night, a bloody head would fall down the chimney… That chimney.”

He was pointing to a nearby fireplace.

“Because of this rumor, the owner would not stay in it. However, one day, he announced to the whole town that he would give $5000 to whoever was brave enough to stay in the house for one night. But no one would even dare. They were just too damn scared.”

Shifty scowled at Bones for saying damn in front of three little girls… Four, actually. But Bones continued.

“But then, a young man and his dog came up. He said that he would take the challenge on the condition that he would be allowed to bring his dog with him. The owner agreed.

Later that night, the young man and his dog arrived at the house. He lit a fire in the fireplace to keep warm. As it got later, the young man was starting to think that the rumors were just made up and was about to head up stairs to sleep.

But just as he was about to get up, he heard a voice singing a sad song…

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…

The young man thought it was probably just some drunkard singing gibberish. But no sooner had he brushed it off… his dog responded.

Lynchee Kinchy Colly Molly Dingo Dingo.

The young man was startled. He had never heard his dog utter a word, never mind singing. Suddenly, the young man heard the singing again, but this time, it was closer.

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…

A bit afraid, the young man urged his dog to remain quite… But to no avail.

Lynchee Kinchy Colly Molly Dingo Dingo.

The young man didn’t know what to think. Then, the song was song again. This time, it was real close.

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…

And like before, the dog responded.

Lynchee Kinchy Colly Molly Dingo Dingo.

The young man wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. Something just wouldn’t let him get up. Then, he heard the singing again, only this time, it was right on the other side of the wall.

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…

The young man once again urged his dog not to respond, but like before, he did not listen.

Lynchee Kinchy Colly Molly Dingo Dingo.

Then, the young man heard something climb up the side of the house. Then, it was on the roof as it continued its song. Only louder.

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker!

The young man tried to silence the dog with his hands, but he only growled at the young man. When he kept his distance, the dog responded. Only louder than before.

Lynchee Kinchy Colly Molly Dingo Dingo!

Then, whatever was on the roof went into down the chimney and sang so loud that it was almost deafening.

ME TIE DOUGH-TY WALKER!

Then, the dog responded with the song, but now really loud almost like a howl.

LYNCHEE KINCHY COLLY MOLLY DINGO DINGO!

Then, something fell down the chimney into the fireplace, missing the fire, and landed next to the dog… It was a bloody head. The dog took one look at it and fell over dead from fright. Then, the head turned to the boy, opened its mouth, and…

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

The Bozos, Richie, Ace and the girls were now shaking.

“The next morning, the owner came to check on the young man. But when he went in, he found the young man lying next to his dead dog. His hair was completely white from shock and his was uttering gibbering. The ambulance came to take the young man to the hospital. When the owner asked the young man what had happened, all he could say was…

The Jangly Man is coming.

The young man is still in the asylum to this day. And every night, he sang the same song…

Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…

The end.”

Bones could tell that the Bozo, Richie, Ace, and the girls were now scared.

“Of course, it’s just a story. It may or may not have happened.”

“Well I’m havin’ a hard time not believin’ it,” said an upset Boomer.

“He- He’s right,” said Sally. “It’s just a story. My mom said a head can’t live without a body.”

“Well, I did say it was a ghost story,” said Bones. “But don’t worry, we all know there’s no such things as ghosts.”

“That’s what they said about aliens,” Richie whispered to Shifty. Buttons was listening, too.

“So don’t worry,” continued Bones. “There’s nothing to be scared of.”

But no sooner had he had said it, they heard something faint outside.

“Me Tie Dough-ty Walker…”

“You were saying?” said a doubtful Ace. “I’m not sticking around here for a bloody severed head.”

But just as Ace was getting up, something fell down the chimney and out of the fireplace. Ace, the Bozos, Richie, and the girls just stood silent for a moment… They screamed and all ran out of the house. None of them ever saw that was fell out of the fireplace… was an empty bird’s nest. And none of them even noticed that the singing was just an owl that was hooting something that sounded like singing.

After calming themselves down and realizing that it had stopped raining, the Bozos, Richie, Ace, and the girls all headed back to Martha’s house.

Boomer heated up the lasagna (adding a few touches of his own) and fed it to the girls as he, the other Bozos, Richie, and Ace checked the candy. Thankfully, nothing had been tampered and was all safe to eat. The girls, the Bozos, Richie, and even Ace helped themselves to their loot. Shifty secretly gave some to Buttons. They spent the rest of the evening watching movies on the TV and the girls fell fast asleep.

Later, the sound the Gowens’ car was heard outside and Mr. and Mrs. Gowen came in.

“It looks like you had quite the adventure tonight,” said Mrs. Gowen, taking some money from her purse and gave it to Brick. “I hope they weren’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all, Mrs. Gowen,” said Brick.

“You know,” said Mr. Gowen. “You boys are all right. You can watch Martha anytime. Thank you.”

“It ain’t no prob,” said Shifty.

With that, the Bozos, Richie, and Ace all went next door to Brick’s place to stay for the night.

None of them will ever forget that eventful Halloween night…

And Buttons won’t forget that it was her first one.

The end.

[may-as-well-be-a-hobbit]

kind of tired and thinking about how i haven’t seen fics in which Geralt gets reincarnated...

we all appreciate reincarnation fics but since almost all of them have like both of them reincarnated or jaskier exclusively imagine like immortal jaskier or sth (elf jaskier, deity jaskier, sorcerer jaskier idk) losing Geralt and being like.. It Was NOT Supposed To Go Like This and just he'd never thought Geralt would die first because fate couldn't be so cruel as to take Geralt away after shitting on him so much. So Jaskier like goes in mourning and weeks pass, months pass, years pass. He sings of him until it's no longer feasible and Jaskier has to fade back to obscurity and start a new life ( they wouldn't want people to start noticing Jaskier is immortal bc Jaskier is A Bard  ™ and so he has to change personas every few decades) and it feels dishonest somehow to make this new start without Geralt because who is he really? without him by his side?

Things start to change people, places, traditions, Jaskier.

And then One Day he is in a court or something, drinking wine and feeling too old and uncomfortable in his bones and remembers when royal parties used to be fun (and that was because he'd cause trouble and he and Geralt would have to get out of it and sleep out in the open and Geralt would scoff at him and act annoyed and Jaskier would strum his lute and serenade him until the moon was high in the sky and they'd smile at each other over the fire and-) and then he hears rumors of a witcher from the school of the wolf roaming the continent and THAT can't be, because witchers are now a rarity,  especially those of the wolf school.

The last to come across him was from the viper school and that had gone down awfully if Jaskier said so himself , and oh boy they didn't take well to people singing near them , and if Jaskier thought he could replicate that warmth feeling of companionship and love then his last lute (broken and shattered by vile hands like so much dirt and grime) could have said otherwise. And the sight of filavandrel's lute lying in thousand splintered pieces on the ground was like a spell broken taking away with it the last remnant of Geralt's memory from Jaskier's mind.

He hasn't picked up another instrument since then and that was over a century ago, a century since the last witcher Jaskier came across.

And Jaskier hears of this mysterious occurrence , and to keep himself sane (it's been years, so many years without Geralt and he has to keep sane somehow) buys another lute, and it's nothing like the elven masterpiece gifted to him and Oh hasn't he realized yet that nothing will be the same again?  not even his songs and can he even really remember the words to toss a coin anymore? He hasn't had to sing it in so long and so the only thing he sings again of ages past is her sweet kiss.

If he lingers in taverns and inns just to sing that song one more time at the end of the night it's not like he's expecting a cloaked stranger with white hair and yellow eyes to sit and brood in the corner booth opposite him, right?

So Jaskier absolutely does NOT seek out this witcher from the school of the wolf everyone's muttering about. And it hurts when he thinks too much about it because he can only think of white hair wet from bathwater and pale skin under filth and blood, and yellow eyes that are reflective in the night that he used to sing about, and scars and wounds he lived through and then some he didn't.

But Jaskier is immortal and ever wandering and he is bound to bump into him at some point and he does and it's a summer evening like in Posada and there's a flicker of white and gold and Jaskier is about to lose his goddamn mind and he runs to catch up to the familiar figure in the village square and and-

And it's him. It's Geralt. Alive and well and in front of Jaskier.

And like he knows it should be impossible, Jaskier has now lived more than Geralt got to and he knows, He Knows that things like this don't happen.

Do people come back from death? i mean he supposes.  They become vampires and werewolves, or mindless spirits that haunt and are cursed to an unintelligent and endless and miserable existence, and sure after The Incident (Gods he tries so hard not to think of those last moments and his eyes and the blood Gods-) he thought he'd even settle for Geralt's ghost because he thought he couldn't go on without him but..

but that'd be unfair to him , after all if he could find some peace in death, there was no one that deserved it more than Geralt did.

But he wasn't a vampire or a werewolf or a ghost, Jaskier can tell because he has his hands on him and he is solid under his palm and his heart is beating, slowly (like it always did) but it does, and he carries silver and his eyes glow so that can only mean......

Or maybe that is a doppelganger, a shapeshifter, a spell to change the appearance of someone with ill intentions, but if that was the case why doesn't Geralt recognize him??

He just grunts and walks the opposite way, again like that first day in Posada. And Jaskier is losing his mind, and he has to find out what is going on.

So he follows the witcher like he did all those years ago and Geralt begrudgingly lets him like HE did all those years ago.

And like all those years ago Jaskier's heart grows twice its size and Geralt smiles at him sometimes over the fire , but still doesn't remember him.

And so Jaskier is there for every monster fight and contract and occult occurrence so at some point he has gathered enough information  to be able to confirm that, yes, that is Geralt, that's come back from the dead, sort of, because he's been told that's reincarnation..

Huh, so their paths are bound to cross....

And sure it's awful that Geralt cannot remember the first time he laid eyes on the bard, or the words to the melodies dedicated to him, and all these adventures and soft touches and the tenderness and the yearning.

But Jaskier is willing to do it all over again, write new songs for him and go on new adventures and fall in love again and again, more and more every day.

What surprises him more is that every time Geralt comes back to him from the place he cannot follow, his witcher lets him worm his way into his heart and loves him back just as much and just as intensely every time, again and again, more and more every day.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Rose the Hat

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Stephen King really seems to have some sort of vendetta against kids, huh? It seems like some of his most vicious and terrifying creations exist solely to abuse, consume, and eviscerate kids, and almost all of those creatures have serious pedophilia undertones to them. Obviously the most well-known example would be Pennywise, and for good reason; a killer shapeshifting alien clown demon that devours kids and lives in the sewer is going to stick in the mind, in no small part thanks to being brought to life onscreen by talented men like Tim Curry and Bill Skarsgard. But there is another child predator straight from the pages of King’s work who made her mark on cinema: Rose the Hat.

Rose is a sort of psychic vampire, who consumes the shine from children to preserve her immortality alongside a gang of fellow monsters known as the True Knot. Think Dracula, Pennywise, and Elizabeth Bathory all rolled into one. And if that isn’t a terrifying combo, I’m not sure what is.

Motivation/Goals: Rose’s goal is simple: consume the shine from innocent kids, when their power is strongest and the taste is far better. Unfortunately for the kids, eating the shine out of them is horrendously unpleasant and fatal. And unfortunately for one of our protagonists, the young Abra, she is one of the most powerful children Rose has ever seen. After becoming aware of her existence, Rose sends the True Knot after her and pursues her herself to an absurd degree, even after hitting numerous setbacks, from her hand being mutilated to her followers being massacred. Part of this seems to be the implication that those with the shine are rarer nowadays and they desperately need to eat something like this to stabilize themselves, but at some point it does seem like Rose is going out of her way for the thrill of the hunt, though it is also evident she wants revenge for the death of her followers, because there is every indication her affection for them is genuine.

Performance: I’m really happen I got to see the 2010s Mission Impossible films before I saw this, because it gave me a deep adoration for Rebecca Ferguson. She is an excellent actor, and she manages to give Rose a sort of sub-Pennywise sort of creepiness. She definitely has a child predator vibe to her, especially as seen in the opening when she tricks a little girl to her death; seing a female character written as a child predator is not quite as common as the alternative, so it’s interesting to see it. But that being said, she’s honestly the opposite of Pennywise in a lot of ways – where Pennywise is ugly she is beautiful, where Pennywise is uncanny and creepy she is sweet and inviting, where Pennywise’s affection is faked Rose genuinely seems affable at first. It definitely helps set her apart and make her a great, unique villain in her own right. Plus, gotta love that dapper hat she rocks for most of the film.

Final Fate: Rose shows that she has no idea what she’s actually dealing with as she follows Dan and Abra into the Overlook. Now, the Overlook has been established so far in the film and The Shining as a horrendously evil place, with Doctor Sleep in particular noting how the hotel hungers for the shine as much as Rose does. Now, Rose not only has the shine in her, but has also inhaled the stored-up steam from previous victims before entering in an attempt to give herself the upper hand. Can you guess what happens when Danny finally decides to unleash the imprisoned ghosts of the hotel?

Her death is actually a beautiful little bit of karma. After centuries of picking on defenseless children, Rose is made as helpless as a child at the hands of the ghosts of the Overlook. For bonus karma, the way her death is presented is very similar to how her and the True Knot devoured a terrified little boy earlier in the film. She dies screaming and in agony, a truly fitting death for a monster such as her.

Best Scene: I mentioned briefly in the Psycho Analysis for Jack Torrance that there is a scene near the end where she reenacts the scene where Jack menacingly walks up the stairs towards his wife. This here is probably my favorite scene of hers, as it leads into the disturbing sexual assault-esque attack she unleashes on Dan before he reveals that he has her right where he wants her and unleashes the imprisoned ghosts of the Overlook. It’s a great finale for a villain like her, and Ferguson really does a good job at coming off as menacing as Jack Nicholson in her own way.

Best Quote: Rose has a very simple and sweet quote that I think sums up just what’s so great about her: “Well, hi there.”

It’s not flashy, super impressive, or the most memorable line of all time. It is, however, very affable, friendly, and delivered in an inviting tone of voice all the time, masking her true personality under a persona that has led countless children to a grisly end. Yeah, she’s a Stephen King villain alright.  

Final Thoughts & Score: Rose is one hell of a villain for sure. A lot of it comes down to Rebecca Ferguson’s stunning performance, which really helps you endear yourself to Rose; she just exudes a natural charm and charisma throughout the film, really selling you to the idea that Rose is a charming, cunning individual who could convince someone to her cause. You wouldn’t think someone like Snakebite Andi, whose entire deal is acting as a honey trap to punish pedophiles, would then join up with a child murdering psychopath, but Rose is just that outwardly charming that yeah, you know what? I fully buy that this kid fell for it.

Of course, even with all that said, I think Rose only ends up as a 9/10. This is mainly because she really Isn’t a household name or a true icon among Stephen King villains like, say, Pennywise, Annie Wilkes, or Jack Torrance. She’s so close, and maybe her score will change if she ever becomes a well-known icon like those others, which I think could happen considering how good the film was. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

And aside from that, the fact remains Rose is ultimately not the ultimate, final evil of the film that must be confronted. In fact, she pales in comparison to the true villain, a villain whose presence is felt throughout the movie and is alluded to many, many times before it finally appears. I am of course referring to…

Psycho Analysis: The Overlook Hotel

Yes, I am doing a Psycho Analysis on a building.

The Overlook is not a typical villain, of course. It’s not something that can truly be dissected in the same way as other villains, because there is not one single performance here – rather, there are multiple performances here that are all apart of the nefarious machinations of the hotel. But all of them work together to prey on the weak and frightened, and help build up the Overlook as a terrifying force the likes of which cinema rarely sees in more obvious villains, let alone evil, sentient buildings.

Motivation/Goals: Despite the numerous ghosts all doing different things and despite all the supernatural goings-on, the hotel has one very clear goal, even in the much vaguer Kubrick film: the Overlook wants to drive people to madness and take their power for its own. This is explicitly spelled out in Doctor Sleep, where it is made clear that the hotel was preying on Jack’s weakness as well as on Danny himself, wanting to consume him as much as Rose does. To this end, the ghosts all play a part in pushing people over the edge.

Final Fate: Danny decides to finally allow the fate of the book version of the hotel to catch up to it, and cranks up the boiler and burns the hotel down, opting to stay in and sacrifice himself to ensure he doesn’t become overtaken by the hotel again and allow its evil to spread out into the world.

Best Scene: It’s really weird to think of the hotel having a “Scene,” but if we’re referring to the ghosts… The Shining features the iconic scene of the creepy twins in the hallway as well as the lady in Room 237, both scenes that have stamped themselves into the cultural consciousness.

Doctor Sleep has one that may actually be even better, though; in a scene reminiscent of a scene in the first film, Danny sits at the bar and is offered a drink by the bartender. However, here the bartender has taken on the form (or perhaps even is the spirit of) his father, Jack Torrance. This scene really cements Danny’s character arc and shows that, for all of his flaws, he was still able to overcome his addiction and prove once and for all he is a better man than his father.

Oh, and if you just want something big and fanservicey, every ghost appears all at once to kill Rose. It’s pretty awesome, if I’m being honest.

Best Quote: There are a lot of ghosts in the film, and a lot of them have interesting things to say, but only one quote has wormed its way into the cultural consciousness to any great degree, and that’s the twin’s invite to Danny: “Hello, Danny. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, Danny. Forever... and ever... and ever.”

Final Thoughts & Score: The Overlook is one of the most famous locations in cinema, and as a villain – no, as a force of malevolence – it is utterly perfect. Of course, things are kept rather vague and mysterious in The Shining to fit with the oppressive, terrifying tone, but even then there are so many little touches such as the bizarre, shifting, and even nonsensical architecture (there are rooms there that could not reasonably exist at all) that add to the unnerving atmosphere that when the sequel outright states plainly that yes, the hotel is a malevolent entity with a will of its own, it’s not even the least bit surprising.

The ghosts go the extra mile to making the hotel feel as evil as it is. The woman in 237, Lloyd, the twins… all of them add their own creepy flair to the proceedings. What’s even better is that even in Doctor Sleep it is never entirely clear if the hotel is just empowering the evil spirits or if it is outright creating them based off of the horrendous tragedies that occur there. It’s also interesting how it only ever seems to target people when there’s only a few there, functioning as normal hotel when it’s fully operational. The thing is almost an SCP, with the mysterious and sinister ways that it operates.

Obviously, there’s no way I could give this place anything less than full marks. 10/10 is the easy score for a villainous building the likes of which cinema has never really been able to top. Can you name a single evil building as memorable as this one? I suppose there’s the titular building from Monster House, but as good as that film as, can you say with a straight face that that house comes close to the sheer unchecked malevolence exuded by the Overlook? Rose really didn’t comprehend at all that this hotel is not something to be trifled with.

[cloudbattrolls]

Aftermath

Chimer Latrai | Civitrecce | Present Night

The fuchsia blearily wiped her eyes as she looked down on the city. There hadn’t been too many deaths, somehow...but the property damage was colossal, and it hadn’t just been corporate office buildings. Regular neighborhoods had been torched by pyrokinesis or knocked over by telekinetics too. 

Her ship thrummed with solar power as it hovered in place, and she looked at the security screens to see how her bunch of trolls was doing.

A lot of them were hers - support staff, local experts, her intel crew, Amdzah and a few of her other guards - but some were trolls she’d grabbed off the streets, sometimes without asking if a giant chunk of debris had been headed their way.

Unfortunately, most of the powerful highbloods had been transportalized or otherwise spirited away to safety, safe in emergency bunkers as the city burned and broke.

She had no word on where Cherie was, but whatever, as long as the little shit was keeping their head down. If she was really lucky, someone had culled them for her.

Tabula...what had happened to the maroon? Would she have taken a bargain with a worm god or wish dragon? Could they even affect her, empty of desire unless she chose otherwise?

“Miss Latrai, there’s something here for you in the entry bay.”

A voice spoke through the ship’s intercom. 

“Mmmwhat?” yawned the seadweller, shaken from her reverie. “It better not be another glitter bo -” 

“Hello, Chimer.”

She sat bolt upright as another voice came through the speaker.

“Whatthefuck.”

“It’s good to see you too. Come and say hello. It’s been a while.”

The fuchsia was dazed, blinking in disbelief, but she checked to make her trident was the top of her sylladex before she took the elevator down to the bay. 

Her poor attendant looked terrified, ears pinned back as lines of lime energy glowed around them, restraining them.

The fuchsia raised an eyebrow as she took in the woman - android, technically, from the sheen of the false skin and the purple joins - casually lounging on the couch nearby, looking perfectly unconcerned.

“Blanca. Wassup. Why’sup.”

The woman smiled.

“They tried to disable me. Not that I have an open switch for that - that’d be silly. What an obvious weakness.”

“Was she being spooky?” Chimer addressed the brownblood, who looked like they’d rather be anywhere else.

“I didn’t know she could speak on her own.” They whispered. “I thought she was just a messenger robot, and she was malfunctioning…”

The politician snapped her fingers.

“Yeah, about that, how did you get here? This ship has all incoming transmissions and transportalizations monitored and held until they’re screened. I know I’m not the most tech savvy person, but I have people who are, and I didn’t even get a ping. How?”

Blanca merely pressed a finger to her lips and smiled.

“All in good time, Chimer. I’m here to help.”

“I’ll have an easier time swallowing that if you let...uh...what’s your name, kid?”

“Benzen, ma’am.”

“If you let Benny here go. Try not to creep everyone out, capiche?”

The woman waved her hand dismissively, and the brownblood made themself scarce as the energy dissipated.

Chimer sighed, sitting down on the couch opposite her old...acquaintance? Former friend? Ex? Whatever.

“First Cherie, then you. I thought we were all gonna go our separate ways after the last bunch of nonsense.”

“What do you have against me, Chimer? We all worked together against Echthros.”

The seadweller snorted.

“You made that problem in the first place by stealing my powers, then making me forget about it. Zelaya gave me the dirt, y’know.”

A flash of guilt and then anger darkened the woman’s face before she sighed, the noise strange from a body that didn’t have real lungs. It sounded like a recording. Maybe it was.

“I made some mistakes, but are you really going to hold all that against me? It was a long time ago, even for you. Certainly for me. I was just a girl.”

Chimer snorted and held up a hand.

“A girl who profited off the plague, cursed her kismesis, tried to rewrite history, killed her lusus in return for shapeshifting powers, and raised the dead. Yeah, don’t even try.”

The fuchsia counted down fingers as she rattled off her list, and the android laughed.

“I was wild then, wasn’t I?” She remarked in a fond voice. “But those nights are behind me. I don’t have necromantic powers anymore  - this body can’t use them, even if I had my bells.”

“The constructs are new, though.”

The android let some lime sparks dance across her palms.

“Aren’t they fun? One of the nice things about technology.”

“Srevni sure left you some toys, huh.”

The android’s glowing eyes narrowed as the fuchsia smiled sardonically.

“So she survived after all. Where is she hiding?”

“They’re just dandy, and I’m not telling you.”

Her fists clenched, her ears flicking back and forth. Chimer held the silence, staring resolutely with her arms crossed.

Blanca looked away first.

“I know what Coloth is up to.”

“Way ahead of you, already had someone retrieve that info. Was about to use it against him when the monsters hit and everything went cuckoo.”

Her smile was back.

“So you don’t know.”

“Be straight with me or clear off, Blanca, I have too many other things I could be doing right now.”

“So responsible.” She said, teasingly, crossing her legs together. “Don’t you ever miss what we got up to? Sneaking around behind the church’s backs, taking down the highblood mages? Not having to answer to anyone?”

“Sure. You know what else I miss? Being able to trust you wouldn’t wipe my memories.”

“I can’t now.” She pointed out acidly. “So will you listen to me and stop bringing up the past?”

The taller woman leaned back, folding her hands behind her head.

“Go for it, then.”

“You might know Coloth’s plans to mass market the shapeshifting psi in containers for helming purposes, but after the monster incident you needed seeker tech from him for? He had a new idea: acquiring all of Civitrecce’s surveillance for himself. Putting down every single rebel in their own hive.”

The fuchsia’s fins rippled in amusement.

“He want to buy me a whole moon while he’s at it? That’s impossible, he’d have to fight so many legal battles the teals would own his ass for the next five hundred sweeps.”

The former undead pressed the tips of her fingers together, lips pulled back. 

“That would be true...if the Empire wasn’t looking for people they could pawn off the city’s reconstruction on. They’re willing to promise the lowest bidder anything if they can clean up the mess.”

Chimer swore. That sounded way too likely to be true - she’d verify it, but her news people had probably already at least heard rumors.

“I can’t interfere with that.” She said, dragging a hand down her face. “That’s technically private business. On paper, politicians are supposed to stay out of it.”

“Why do you play their game, Chimer? The system is already corrupt. You’re not holding any moral ground by going along with it when no one else bothers.”

“‘Cause go shove your face in a beaky mask again, that’s why.”

The android blinked.

“If you can’t understand why I do things this way, I’m not gonna bother going into it. What do you want, anyway? I know darn well you didn’t poof yourself here just to warn me about Coloth.”

“What I’ve always wanted, Chimer. I want my people to be free.”

“I can’t turn back time anymore, even if I wanted to. The clock’s gone, and if a single limeblood has survived this city, I’ll be surprised. You’re in the wrong place.”

The woman’s glowing eyes briefly flash in strings of code. 

“There’s a lot you don’t know about Civitrecce, Chimer. A lot I can tell you, if you accept my help.”

“‘Kay. What’s your price?”

“Cherie dead, at some point. Doesn’t have to be now. I’m sure you’ve longed to get rid of them yourself. Have you realized why they’re dogging your steps yet?”

The fuchsia looked at her nails, bored.

“They inherited a weird jealousy complex from their ancestor? Yeah, been there seen that. It’s annoying, they’re annoying, I have more important things to worry about.”

The elder Rincon leaned forward, studying the fuchsia with a gaze that was slightly uncomfortable in its intensity.

“Stop staring at me with them big ol’ eyes. What.”

“Just wanted to make sure you believed that.”

“You’re the liar liar stake on fire, not me.”

The former undead scowled.

“Too soon?” said Chimer innocently. 

“Don’t joke about how I died.”

“Don’t zap energy around people for being scared of your weird metal ass and we’ve got a deal.”

Some sort of malicious feeling flicked across the woman’s face, the purple markings above her eyes slightly eerie in their glowing light.

“As you like.” She said, tone neutral. 

Chimer decided not to go there. Blanca was a grown adult, even if she didn’t look it, and she wasn’t stupid enough to try to stab the fuchsia in the back on her own ship. She’d have her staff keep an eye on her - that’d be enough for now.

“Anywho, make yourself at hive. I dunno what you use for energy, but feel free to take it. I’m tired, we can trade more deets later. Here, have a welcoming present.”

Rummaging in her sylladex, the fuchsia took out an old necklace, tarnished with time - but the carvings on the strung bones were still visible, abstract swirls of fae and animals in an endless dance.

Blanca almost didn’t catch it, so surprised was she when her old friend tossed it to her.

“You kept it?” She said in a voice that was almost a whisper.

“‘Course. Things can be good again, you know. Stop plotting all the time, it won’t kill - okay, it did, my bad with the stake thing before, but things can be better. If you try. That’s why I do what I do, y’know.”

“...do you not want it anymore?” 

She clutched the necklace as if it were a lifeline.

“Nah, we can share. Just figured you’d like to see it.”

The limeblood - she had once been lime, long ago when she’d been alive - nodded. 

“Help me put it on?”

The politician blinked. All right then.

“Sure.”

She walked over, bent down on one knee, and fastened it around the much shorter woman’s slender neck. It was amazing, really, how well her current form mimicked her original one - if a lot smoother and cleaner. Blanca had always been covered in small scars when she’d been alive - from fights, from plague, because she’d tried some new necromancy experiment that tried to take a bite out of her. 

Chimer got up again, making finger guns as she stepped back to face her new guest.

“Ta da.”

“Thank you.”

“Any time. I do need sleep though, it’s almost dawn. Light light.”

“Light, Chimer.”

When she slept, the fuchsia dreamt of long ago, when a girl with white hair had offered her a way forward. Even if they had to rip it from everyone more powerful.

She dreamt of stolen things, of a clock that never stopped ticking, and realizing quite by accident, that she’d been in love.

[shuttershocky]

“Report.”

“Emiya-kun has very little ability at all. He can’t fix broken glass and he can barely use reinforcement on an item without shattering it. Kiritsugu Emiya did not teach him any more than simply activating his circuits, and he has no knowledge about what magic crests are at all. His power is so weak I can’t even sense him tripping the bounded field I placed over the school. If you ask me, he doesn’t even count as a magus.”

“Understood. Anything else?”

“Um! S-Senpai is very independent. Even if Fujimura-san comes over every day to keep him company, he lives by himself and does all the maintenance work in his home. He has an understanding of technology that far outstrips mine and Nee-san’s, and is able to grasp the inner workings of a machine after sending a trace spell through it. I searched around and the liquor store near his house also pays him for helping out in the back of their shops, although officially it’s all off any record books. The land his house is on is owned by the local yakuza family whom Fujimura-san is a part of, so they pay for all the taxes and pretend to be the homeowners. I don’t think anyone realizes Senpai is living alone as an orphan without any legitimate legal guardian, although once Fujimura-san gets a job as a teacher I think she will adopt him. And... And his cooking is very good!”

“Oh. Wow. You could learn a thing or two from this kid, Kokutou.”

“Learn from who? The Emiya boy? Or Sakura using the investigative skills that I taught her?”

“Yeah get your little victories in when you can get them, you nerd, because I teach these girls how to shoot lightning from their fingers.”

It was a late night at The Hollow Shrine, Touko Aozaki’s detective agency. 12 and 13-year-old Sakura Matou and Rin Tohsaka had just returned from a battle to the death with a shapeshifting monster inside the Emiya manor (another story for another time!) The big boss herself had asked the two girls to give their assessment of Shirou Emiya’s abilities and living status, while Mikiya Kokutou slaved away in an adjacent table, taking notes, updating their records, and doing their accounting, all at once.

Touko took the opportunity to glance at her first apprentice. Kokutou looked like he would finish and return home soon. Shiki was fast asleep on the office sofa, and the two new parents had left Fujino and Azaka to care for baby Mana. It’s not that they didn’t trust Azaka and Fujino with their baby, but- No wait yeah Kokutou and Ryougi would have to be insane to trust the agents of the Hollow Shrine to care for a baby.

Just look at how the agency turned two kids into assets.

“Excellent work, girls.” Touko said, “You may go to bed now.”

Rin and Sakura didn’t move.

“We were wondering, Mo- uh, Touko-san. What are you so interested in Senpai for?” Sakura said.

Touko raised an eyebrow. Sakura didn’t call her ‘Mom’ around earshot of her older sister, likely out of respect for their recently deceased biological mother. Sakura herself didn’t appear to hold too many feelings toward their mother, (being given away would do that, Touko supposed) but it had clearly still been a sore point for Rin. Touko didn’t mind for the most part. Being called ‘Mom’ wasn’t bad, but it never felt natural to her. Maybe she didn’t feel as if she deserved it? She didn’t dare explore why.

Touko pushed up her glasses. Kokutou was being uncharacteristically quiet. It looked like she was going to have to explain this one herself.

“The last time that boy was here I sent a trace over his magic circuits and you know what I find? Possibly the plainest configuration I’ve ever seen. Basic, low-quality circuits that would barely be able to muster a stable flow of energy.”

She paused, enjoying the look of confusion over the girl’s faces.

“And then I felt a trace pass over my own magic circuits, and it felt a lot like the one I just sent at him. I block it of course, but I send a second trace over his body just to be sure if he was as weak as he looked. The information I got back was completely different. It was an imperfect job, and of poor quality, but suddenly his magic circuits looked a lot like mine.”

Rin’s jaw dropped, but Sakura continued to look confused. Touko tsked mentally, it looked like the worthless Matou hadn’t even tried to teach her anything at all.

“I believe,” she continued. “Shirou Emiya has some sort of copycat ability attached to his vision. He did not appear to be doing anything consciously, but his eyes were on my hands when I sent a pulse through him. I’m not sure to what extent his copy ability goes nor how closely his ability can recreate an original, but I do know that in all my years as a Clocktower mage I have never seen a magus able to alter the configuration of their magic circuits through their own power. Imagine what a mage could do with such an ability. They might even be able to make projection magic useful, if they can copy more than just an item’s basic form.”

“Wow!” Sakura said, her eyes aglow. “Senpai really is an amazing person!”

If Rin was impressed, she was hiding it. She continued to stare at her with a hard look in her eye.

“But what do you need him for, Touko-san?”

“What? Getting tired of visiting Emiya? I thought you two rather liked him, seeing as you just tried to convince me to leave him alone.”

Rin and Sakura glanced in opposite directions, red staining their cheeks.

“Please answer the question, Touko-san,” Rin muttered.

Touko glanced at Kokutou, who was hunched over a new pile of paperwork. He was really gonna leave her to do all the talking this time huh?

She removed her glasses with a sigh.

“Sakura, go to bed. I need to have a talk with your sister about some things that may be upsetting.”

The younger Tohsaka (were... were they Aozakis now?) looked as if she wanted to protest, but nevertheless bowed and scurried off into the former storage room where she and her sister slept, shutting the door behind her. Shiki groaned a little from the noise, but continued to snore peacefully after.

“Rin,” Touko said, “The Matou did more than just buy your sister. I found Zouken Matou’s crest worms inside her body, including several that had been infesting her for years, altering her magical circuits and feeding on her energy.”

Rin looked like she couldn’t breathe. “W-What?”

“That’s not all. Zouken inserted what I can only guess to be the physical fragments of the 4th holy Grail into her womb, whatever for we’ll never know what with Azaka lighting him up like a firework, but she could potentially pose an extreme danger to herself and others. I destroyed the crest worms just fine, but I know nothing about the thaumaturgy behind the holy grail, and I doubt just surgically removing the fragments would be safe for Sakura with how much her body’s been changed to survive with that thing inside her.”

“S-So what do you need Emiya-kun for?” Rin asked, her hands balling up into fists and shaking lightly.

“I need him to craft me this.”

Touko clapped her fingers, sending a tome flying from the shelves and into Rin’s hands. It opened on a set of pages depicting a strange weapon.

“Rulebreaker, a dagger owned by the ancient Greek witch, Medea. It could be used to nullify even very powerful and complex magic, but was lost forever when Medea fled to Iran. Now if Emiya could make me even a partially working forgery, I could learn how Rulebreaker nullifies any and every form of thaumaturgy, including the latent power in a shattered grail, and remove the fragments safely. Also, who knows? Sakura’s body may be greatly altered, but the changes left her with heavy scarring inside. Scarring I can use as a changelog. If I could learn how the boy’s changing circuits work, I may be able to return her body to how she used to be.”

Rin stared at the floor, contemplating everything she just heard.

“Is this really the only way, Touko-san?”

“Oh no. I could have made Sakura a puppet body ages ago, but Kokutou kept whining about how ‘Horribly unethical’ and ‘Overwhelmingly traumatic’ the transfer process would be.

“It is horribly and unethical and it would be overwhelmingly traumatic,” Kokutou muttered, not looking up from his mountain of work.

“Don’t listen to this guy, Rin. He has no idea what he’s talking about. I crush Sakura’s current head just like that,” Touko snapped her fingers, “And she’ll instantly open her eyes in her new body. No pain, no trauma, she won’t even realize it happened.”

“That's... That’s a cruel joke Touko-san.” Rin whispered. “Sakura has had enough and transferring a soul without the use of True Magic is impossible.”

“Only if the soul can tell which of the bodies is its proper one,” Touko said, hands thumbing an unopened pack of cigarettes. “Don’t underestimate me kid.”

Rin stood quiet again, as Touko idly daydreamed of everyone leaving so she could smoke by the window.

“Wait,” Rin said at last, “What’s in it for you? I know the Clocktower magi. You wouldn’t be doing this for Sakura if you weren’t going to get something out of it.”

Touko’s eyes widened for a brief moment before she resumed her cool gaze.

“Good question. Let’s just say a talent like Emiya’s could prove very useful to this agency in the future. Sakura and I both have plenty to gain if we can help that boy develop his powers and come do some work for us. But that will have to be another time. It’s very late Rin, you should go to bed.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Rin turned back slowly and plodded off to their room with plenty to think about.

The office was quiet again save for the sounds of Kokutou’s pen scratching on paper, and Shiki snoozing away.

Touko propped up her face with a hand. That Rin was a sharp one. She ought to be more on her guard when they talked-

“Oh my God. You actually don’t have an ulterior motive in mind, do you?”

“What?”

Touko snapped out of a daydream, glancing over at Mikiya Kokutou. He was peering at her over his glasses, a tiny smile on his face.

“I saw that. She got you by surprise there. You actually didn’t think of using Emiya for anything other than for Sakura huh?”

Touko felt the heat rise to her face. Must be an extremely rare mistake she made when she built this current body.

“Don’t be stupid, Kokutou. A unique ability like that? Why that Emiya boy will serve all sorts of nefarious purposes.”

“Name one you have in mind, right now.”

“I’ll, er, make him project the spear of destiny and use it to summon heroic spirit Jesus or whatever!”

“I knew it,” stupid Mikiya said, face splitting into an ugly grin. He already had a missing eye he didn’t need to make himself look worse. ”Touko Aozaki, are you thinking about the welfare of another human being?”

“Ugh, shut up and work Kokutou. Don’t you have a baby to go home to? How’d you even get her anyway Azaka told me all that’s in Shiki’s apartment is a puny bed and a mini-fridge and you’re stuck sleeping on the floor. What? You two made do with a wall?”

It was Kokutou’s turn to flush. Not that Touko flushed earlier; she never got flustered. 

“Th-That’s private!” he stammered.

“Very private!” interjected the supposedly napping Shiki.

“Hmph. Well, I know you’re just deflecting anyway Touko-san.” Kokutou said. “It’s good to know there’s still a heart in there somewhere.”

“What? Fuck no, this right here is a 100% intellect-driven machine.” Touko flared, pointing at herself. “I don’t even put fake physical hearts into these bodies anymore I just stuff a pump in there and call it a day.”

“Mhmm. Sure.”

“Okay, you know what?” Touko said, throwing a white envelope at him. “Get your early paycheck. Now go! Shoo! Both of you! You can finish that tomorrow. Go be with your kid. Hell, buy some booze. Make a second kid in the shower or something I don’t know.”

“Alright, alright.” Kokutou said, getting up from his desk. Shiki rolled off the sofa like a cat too lazy to push itself off with its legs. 

“Finally,” she said, “There was so much talking I thought I’d fall asleep on that crappy sofa for real.” 

“Goodnight, you two.”

Shiki and Mikiya walked over to the exit, but someone wasn’t done just yet.

“Summon Jesus? Really?”

“OUT!”

When the two had left, Touko leaned into her seat with a long sigh. She felt like opening the window and finally having her smoke, but something kept nagging at the back of her mind.

Instead, she walked on over to the girls’ room. The two were sound asleep, silent and unmoving in their cheap futons.

“You heard all that huh?”

Sakura shot upwards.

“How did you-”

“You snore like the devil kiddo. So does Rin, except she kicks too.”

Rin got up as well. Both girls looked at Touko, a waterfall of questions behind their eyes.

“Okay out with it. I suppose Rin would have told you as soon as she knew anyway.”

Sakura looked down on her fumbling hands, trying to piece together the words with her fingers.

“Am I really dangerous?”

Touko crouched down to meet the little girl at eye level. With the moonlight spilling in through an open window, Sakura kind of looked like Fujino the night the Hollow Shrine first met her, afraid and so horribly alone.

“Kid, I am the greatest mage to have ever come out of the Association, notcountingcheatinglittlebitcheslikeAoko. You don’t have to be afraid of anything. Okay, maybe be afraid of some things related to our line of work, but not the grail, not the crest worms, not the Matou, not the Tohsaka, not even the Magus Association itself. Not now and not ever. No one can touch you when you’re with me.”

Touko Aozaki had no idea what she was saying, nor why the words just seemed to tumble out her mouth by themselves. It’s just that... She knew what it was like to be thrown out of a family in favor of a sister. She had lived most of her life on her own, half of it on the run, anyone and everyone out to get her, nobody she could trust but herself.

Maybe she was just saying everything she wanted to hear back then.

Sakura said nothing, but she buried her face in Touko’s chest, and wrapped her arms around her.

“O-Oh. D-Didn’t take you for a hugger.”

Touko glanced at Rin, who had her hands locked behind her, with eyes as red as her dress, rocking back and forth on her futon.

She reached out to the other girl.

“Okay okay come here.”

Rin didn’t sob as much as she bawled into Touko’s shirt. The old mage was surprised for the nth time that night.

“Oh. Didn’t take you for a crier.”

She held them there for what felt like forever, but really was probably closer to about ten or so seconds.

“You know what?” Touko said, looking at them both, “ I can’t sleep either. I’ve got popcorn somewhere on the shelves and a brand new tv just came in. Why don’t we watch a few movies on the couch?”

“Um, c-can they be heroic movies?” Sakura asked. “With a brave, dashing hero giving their all against the world? Shinji never let me see anything except for.. For...”

Touko squeezed her a little tighter.

“You know what? I have the perfect thing for us to watch. Just don’t tell Kokutou, He’ll launch into some two-hour lecture about what is and what isn’t age-appropriate.”

____________________________________________________________

Mikiya Kokutou stepped into the office at 6 in the morning of the very next day.

His boss was always awake by then, mumbling something or other about him preparing the coffee while she read the morning paper with halfhearted interest. Today however, his boss was fast asleep on the couch, Rin and Sakura huddled under her arms and popcorn all over the floor. A movie was playing on the television, with a woman in what looked like a forklift crossed with battle armor walking towards the screen.

“Get away from her you bitch!” she snarled.

Mikiya flinched. He was going to have to talk to Touko about showing the kids more age-appropriate movies. For now though, he was content to smile at the beautiful mess in their office.

“We’ll carve a heart into you yet, Touko,” he whispered.

Mikiya glanced again at the movie. Was that a new TV? How did the office even afford one when... When...

He pulled out and tore open the white envelope his boss had tossed him the night before.

Pay you double and a half next month, I promise!

- T

“OH COME ON!”

[sailor-cresselia]

Zi-O 37: Gotta go fast!

I’m gonna sprinkle in some chat segments from the live watch that @miyukomatsuda and I did of the episode as it aired, but this is mostly my watch of the RiderTime sub.

(I’m also hoping to do a watch of some of the recent episodes again, but with the O-T subs, so that I can get a more… well phrased translation.)

As always, spoilers for Zi-O episode 37 below the cut.

~~~~~

So, a giant meteorite just hit. It doesn’t have a Rider inside this time, though! No, it has Worms! Shapeshifters! Who are basically the Zygons!

(I don’t go to Doctor Who anymore, but that’s what I’ve been told, and the impression I got from Marcosatsu’s History of Kabuto vid.)

Team 9-to-5 are watching a news broadcast at breakfast about the meteorite – aaaand nope, newscaster’s a Worm, much to the poor cameraman’s surprise.

Cressy: Woz: Welp! Found out who we’ve got this week!

Miyuko: “My turn to do things.”

Miyuko: “Also, we dealt with the gas leak.”

Miyuko: “We should all be sane again.”

(The idiot ball was in full force during the Kiva Arc. We will never let it rest.)

~~~~~

Sougo, Tsukuyomi, and Geiz are headed off to see where that second meteorite hit, the one with the worms on it, when a third one shoots down, in the other direction. So, off they go, splitting the party. Again.

Poor Geiz, he’s with Woz again. Who, by the way, is nowhere to be seen, having ditched the team to go do his recap.

At… the Hachiko statue.

Huh.

And the key player for this fortnight’s worth of episodes… Kamen Rider Gatack – Arata Kagami.

Who is clearly in a state of “Not this again...” as another meteorite streaks by. Or it could be that one that split the party, it’s a little hard to say.

~~~~~

They used part of the Kabuto opening – with the beetle wings – to cut into the OP this time! Nice touch!

I was host for the stream Miyuko and I did when we watched the Raw, and I BLINKED AND MISSED THE FORM RUN THROUGH that time! And here I pride myself on noticing differences in the OPs!

But Kamen Rider Woz’s base form has been replaced by his Ginga form, with the ‘base’ version, Ginga Finaly shown in full, and the Planet and Sun forms shown in bust form.

~~~~~

And FINALLY, they notice that the Another Rider’s aren’t erasing the previous Riders from history anymore! They haven’t been doing that for a while, guys. I mean, if they were still doing it, you wouldn’t have been able to have all of your senpai help you out in the movie last December… you know, shortly before you moved into having Future Riders for a while, and then back into the older Legend Riders.

You might write it off as ‘odd’, or ‘paradoxes have messed with space-time nearly beyond repair’, but I still say that time travel doesn’t work like you think it does.

I will hold my ‘they have been faking it’ theory until absolutely proven otherwise, folks.

…and I’m still going to be using it in ReUnited, anyway. ~Fanfiction land says I can do what I want.~

Besides, Sougo’s having fun! He’s getting to meet all of these Kamen Riders, after all!

…Sougo, kitty, I’m pretty sure you still don’t quite get how serious some of this is, but you get a solid B for effort.

~~~~~

Cressy: THEY FINALLY REALIZE THAT THEY AREN’T ERASING PEOPLE ANYMORE

Miyuko: YOU DUMBASSES

Miyuko: Mouri: DAMNIT SHIMOMIYA STOP MAKING ME HANDLE LORE

~~~~~

At the third landing site…

Woz. Woz you are so unbelievably petty. “I will be giving the orders around here, let’s go.” For crying out loud, Woz, just work as a team with Geiz, please.

So, off they go, into battle against a swarm of Worms using Faiz and Kikai!

~~~~~

Miyuko: if sougo goes to space i’m gonna yell that I called it

~~~~~

SOUGO IS SO DUMB.

SOUGO. You already knew that they could copy people. You SAW one do it on tv. So why would you assume that the people working at the crash site, where that broadcast came from, were normal humans?

Sougo, PLEASE.

Also, it looks like the Worms agree with me: right before they drop their disquises, they’re giving him this look like “Wow, this kid is dumb.”

And before Sougo bothers to transform, shots fly from off screen~!

Hey there, Gatack! Nice to see you’re doing okay!

~~~~~

Meanwhile, over with Woz and Geiz, we’ve got them landing finishers on a pair of Worms… but there’s still more of them. And, as Woz finally bothers to mention…

Worms can go faster than you can see when they get stronger.

(I agree with Geiz’s frustration at not having been told this sooner! WOZ!!)

Good thing they’ve got Revive Typhoon and Shinobi~~!

~~~~~

Back with Sougo and Kagami… They finish off a mass of Worms, but something red knocks them down.

Something – sorry, someone – that Kagami calls ‘Kageyama’.

Enter PunchHopper.

And with his entrance, Kagami goes into Gatack’s cast off Rider form – and right into Clock Up.

~~~~~

Cressy: “Hey, new kid, how fast can you go?”

Cressy: Actually, super speed is a problem for Sougo!

Miyuko: Sougo: UHHHHHHH

Miyuko: He has to hide

Cressy: Because he couldn’t keep up with Revive so

~~~~~

The battle starts to deal some collateral damage to the infrastructure, leading to rubble starting to fall towards a mother and child.

Tsukuyomi says no.

A stopwatch ticks.

The rubble freezes in midair, letting the civilians escape.

Tsukuyomi sees something.

Herself, younger, and three people facing away from the cameras viewpoint. At least one is an adult – presumably male, in an outfit that looks an awful lot like the one Swartz wore in 2009. The other two… I think the one to the left of the screen is a young girl, with pigtails. The one on the right looks to be an adult male… and it’s very grainy, but that style of dress looks like a black and white version of what Sougo’s uncle wears.

Of course, she only focuses in on young her and almost-definitely-Swartz.

Please, Toei, Shimomiya, I am begging you, do not let anyone be related. We’ve got both time travel and amnesia going on in here already, we do not want you to go that route!

~~~~~

Swartz sees this from a nearby roof, and notes that her powers are getting stronger, and soon they’ll completely awaken.

Someone asks what will happen when they do.

~~~~~

Miyuko: **YELLS**

Miyuko: TSUKASA

Cressy: Tsukasa: Sup.

Miyuko: WERE YOU OFF GETTING LAID TSUKASA

Cressy: Look at that posture

Cressy: Daiki showed up.

Cressy: he def was.

~~~~~

Tsukasa: “So… you’re connected to that girl somehow. I’ve been doing some investigating…”

Swartz: “Oh, yeah, sure. Do what you want… If you can.” (he says in an ominous tone, ominously.)

Tsukasa: “Thanks. I’ll do just that.”

~~~~~

Back on the ground, Sougo… is getting his ass handed to him. But! He does have the realization that the speed PunchHopper and Gatack are moving at is similar to Geiz Revive Typhoon… and he’s figured out a way to counter that.

It used to be that he was only looking one move ahead when he used Zi-O II’s precog abilities.

He’s looking ahead three here.

Sougo knows he won’t be able to react in time for the first two strikes, but the third…

On the third he can time a strike of his own.

And he knocks PunchHopper down.

Gatack tries to finish him off – but a red blur takes the hit.

Another Kabuto has made his appearance, and it looks like he’s Sou Yaguruma, former alias KickHopper. He grabs PunchHopper, and nyooms right on out of there.

~~~~~

Miyuko: OH FUCK IT’S ONE FO THE HOPPER BROS

Cressy: OH MY GOD ANOTHER KABUTO IS ONE OF THE HOPPER BROS

Miyuko: KAGAMIII

Cressy: OR A WORM OF ONE OF THEM

Miyuko: IS IT TIME FOR HIM TO SUFFER (We saw one was a worm

Miyuko: (shame we uh

Miyuko: (remember the rider sona

~~~~~

(Miyuko’s at least watched some Kabuto, but not very far. I, on the other hand, have seen exactly none, and would have no idea which one we saw in the cold open.)

~~~~~

Now then, we jump to Kagami explaining the situation to Woz and Sougo at the shop, giving them a basic run down of who the Hell Brothers are, along with showing them pictures. Pictures of the terribly dated late ‘00’s Hot Topic discount bin wardrobes that those two wore.

Kagami: So, the PunchHopper is definitely a Worm mimicking the original.

Woz: How can you know?

~~~~~

Miyuko: Woz intensifies

Miyuko: “Pretty sure he’s dead.”

Cressy: “So, yeah, he’s dead, but. uh. Apparently not anymore.”

Miyuko: “Fuck if I know, guys.”

Miyuko: Shibuya!

Miyuko: FLASHBACK TO KABUTO

Cressy: “Also, it’s really weird that Shibuya exists again.”

Miyuko: “Wait what”

Miyuko: Sougo: :)

Miyuko: Woz: “THE FUCK?!”

~~~~~

So, yeah, the timelines are a mess here. In 1999, in Kabuto, Shibuya was destroyed by a meteorite – one carrying the Worms. It’s … incredibly intact here.

OH. DUUUHHHH. That’s why Woz was at the Hachiko Statue!

It’s at Shibuya station.

WOW, I feel dumb. I remembered who Hachiko was, but didn’t catch the link as to why Woz would be there until just now.

Also, Sougo, I get that you were born in 2000, but. Like. That was only one year later. I thought your only decent subject was history! If this happened in the current timeline, you ought to know about it!

~~~~~

At an overlook, Geiz finds Tsukuyomi, having been told about her using her time powers again, and she tells him that she remembered something. Her mother and father, and ‘another man’.

… wait SHIT I said that the seated man’s outfit looked a lot like Junichiro’s, didn’t I? ABORT MISSION! NO, NO, NO! CALL IT OFF! STOP THE RIDE, I WANNA GET OFF!

Tsukasa appears on the scene. “Hey, so. Do you want to take a look and see what was going on back there? I’m trying to find the source of why the fabric of space and time is getting holes poked in it, so if you want to come along…”

… Okay, so he says ‘distorted,’ according to the RT subs, but it amounts to the same thing.

Geiz thinks this is a terrible idea, but Tsukuyomi wants to know who she is. So she goes with him.

Er, Tsuka- Tsukasa? I think you are a poster child for ‘sometimes you are better off not knowing who you used to be’, just as much as you are for ‘don’t lean too hard into the world-destruction prophecies.’ You may want to rethink your stance on this.

Mind you, you’re also a shining example of ‘there’s no escaping destiny’ and ‘you can’t thwart stage one’, so I guess that ship has already sailed.

~~~~~

Miyuko: TSUKASA’S UP TO THINGS

Cressy: Tsukasa: “GUYS, QUIT FUCKING WITH THE TIMELINE. YOU’RE MAKING MY JOB AND THE DENLINER CREW’S JOBS THAT MUCH HARDER”

~~~~~

So, a quick call between Geiz and Sougo, and we switch back to the Sougo and Woz team. (Man, we’re really getting the groups together this week, aren’t we?)

They’re confronted by Kageyama – who, yes, is a Worm. And he admits it. But he still has the original Kageyama’s memories as a human, and he wants them to help his brother. Worm or human, he can’t stand to see Yaguruma as an Another Rider – as a monster. They’ve seen too much hell for him to want any more.

Woz: My lord, this is clearly a trap.

Sougo: You need to start trusting people, Woz. Besides, we want to help save Yaguruma, too, don’t we? :)

Except that that is not his usual ‘This is going fine!’ smile. That is a smile of ‘he knows what’s going on.’

… You know, So Okuno’s really grown into his role, here. I think he’ll be able to do pretty well once he graduates from Sougo.

(He’s grown into his role, if not his clothing. Seriously, wardrobe department, could you let him wear clothes that fit properly? Why was this whole ‘everything is minimum a size and a half too big’ thing a decision?)

ANYWAY. THIS is a good scene for the instrumental of Toki no Ouja.

Also, you can hear the belts and chains Kageyama’s wearing well before you see them.

~~~~~

A quick interlude to Junichiro, back at the shop, having just fixed a radio. He goes to make sure it’s actually fixed, and turns it to the news.

There’s a large meteor headed for the center of Tokyo. And it’s much larger than the previous ones that have hit.

…

WAIT WHAT

(cue shot of said meteor in space)

~~~~~

Miyuko: OH MY GOD THEY ARE GOING TO SPACE

~~~~~

And now, to a totally-not-suspicious definitely-not-a-trap perfectly-harmless warehouse.

Sougo: So, Yaguruma’s supposed to be in here, right? (proceeds to walk in, with his back towards the guy who literally calls himself one of the Hell Brothers, like an idiot)

KAGEYAMA GOES TO STRANGLE HIM FROM BEHIND. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES.

But he doesn’t get to – because Kagami bodychecks him away.

Kagami: “Kid, NO! You’re too naive! Walking into a trap like this!”

Kageyama: “Ahahaha… I mean, yeah, it’s a trap, but it’s not for the brat.”

Another Kabuto SLAMS into Kagami.

Kageyama: “We’re after you.”

Kagami and Kageyama both transform.

~~~~~

Cressy: THANK YOU KAGAMI

Miyuko: Aw yiss

Miyuko: Shoutout to Mouri USING THE RETURNING LADS

Cressy: STRAIGHT INTO CAST OFF

Cressy: UNLIKE INOUE

~~~~~

PunchHopper LUNGES at Sougo, who is just standing there – there’s a clicking sound – and a massive surge of gravity slams PunchHopper to the ground. (cue Miyuko and I basically just shouting WHAT into the chat)

Oh my god. Turns out Woz’s attack is even more ridiculous than I’d thought. He’s allegedly channeling the gravity of 10,000 black holes, because that’s totally a thing that’s possible. … Meh, he’s got reinforcements from the armor, he’ll be fine.

Woz: Ah, yes, as expected of my overlord. Taking advantage of the enemies trap-

Sougo: Er, actually, I just wanted him to take me to Yaguruma. Now we just have to defeat the two of them. (goes to transform)

Everything starts to shake.

Oh, there’s that giant meteor!

Rider Time!

Zi-O! Fourze!

3! 2! 1! Fourze!

~~~~~

Miyuko: HE’S GOING TO

Miyuko: OH MY GOOOOD

Cressy: UCHUUU KITAAAAAAAAA

Miyuko: UCHUU IKUUUUU

Miyuko: Sougo pls

Cressy: FINE I’LL TAKE THE MESS UP

~~~~~

I mean, if it stops a GIANT METEOR FROM HITTING TOKYO? I don’t CARE if he gets the catchphrase wrong!

And it’s pretty close, anyway. Way better than his attempts at Ex-Aid’s and especially Build’s catchphrases.

~~~~~

Back to Gatack versus the Hell Brothers, who are soon joined by Woz.

Turns out, Yaguruma doesn’t care that Kageyama’s a Worm, since he’s the only one willing to be his partner.

After being tremendously outsped, and taking a few good blows, Woz unleashes an incredibly over-the-top finisher in the form of his Planetary Explosion. Yes, I know that’s not the actual name, but my computer’s autocorrect is a pain, and I’m not going to try typing out any of the forms that attacks real name can take. I don’t want to teach my computer that.

And there’s a huge explosion of flame, flames spreading across the floor… Woz gives a grandiose pair of quotes in a very Tendou style, down to the pointing. But a sound comes from ground zero of the attack.

A green suit drags itself into a standing position.

KickHopper: I don’t believe in the power of the universe… I only believe in the power of hell…

He lands a Rider Kick that Woz just manages to get a guard up in time to block. When Woz can look up… nobody’s there.

Geiz comes in… but none of the three returning characters are around anymore.

There is, however, a ‘message’. Someone’s left a package of instant bowl ramen, and a note, with one word.

“Hell.”

SO THAT’S NOT OMINOUS AS FUCK AT ALL.

~~~~~

Miyuko: “Wait, I’ve had this form one ep why am I being worfed”

Cressy: WELCOME TO BAD TIMES

Cressy: ON BOTH ENDS OF THE TIMELINE

~~~~~

A portal appears in the air, in 2058. Tsukuyomi and Tsukasa step out, to when she would have been 8 years old, into a ruined city.

With an incredibly ominous looking cloud front and thunderstorm off in the distance.

~~~~~

Back to 2019… Geiz… is in no position to do anything but leave the whole meteor thing to Sougo. A man in black, with copious chains, drags himself through the river below. “Did… someone laugh at me?”

Yaguruma, what are you doing there?

~~~~~

IT’S SPACE TIME!

Sougo’s ready! He can do this! He -

Did not realize how big that was actually going to be!

But he drills through the meteor with a Limit Time Break, shattering it… and also releasing a bunch of Worms that were in there into the vacuum of space.

Oh well.

Except that one wasn’t the real problem.

No, the real problem is that the grey meteor?

Is a pebble in comparison to the giant red one behind it.

Everything is very red in 2068.

~~~~~

Miyuko: THISISFINE

Miyuko: oh shit

Miyuko: IS THIS WHY THE EARTH IS FUCKED UP

Miyuko: SPAAACE

Miyuko: oh boy SOUGO PLS

Cressy: SOUGO BABBY

Miyuko: GEN WOULD BE SO PROUD

Cressy: DID YOU NOT REALIZE FROM HOW BIG IT SEEMED

Cressy: OBJECTS IN MIRROR-

Miyuko: HOLY SHIT

Miyuko: POSE

(He was pretty close, with the pose! It’s… probably easier in 0G, given Gens whole thing.)

Cressy: OH MY GOD HE DRILLED THROUGH A METEOR

Miyuko: OH NOOOOOOOO FUCK

Cressy: OH MY GOD THAT WAS A PEBBLE

Miyuko: OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOO

Miyuko: THIS IS WHY THE EARTH IS FUCKED IN 2068 ISN’T IT

Cressy: OH MY GOD THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCK UP THE PLANET

Cressy: IT’S REMNANTS ALL OVER AGAIN. I AM HAVING K.A. APPLEGATE FLASHBACKS HERE

Miyuko: WELL BOY FUCKING HOWDY WHAT A ZI O. -oh god PLEASE LET THE KABUTO WATCH GO TO KAGAMI. PLEASE

Miyuko: But Damn that was toei making it up to us from last week huh

Cressy: OH YES

Miyuko: GOOD USE OF RETURNING ACTORS.

DRAMA

STAKES

SOUGO DRILLING A METEOR.

TSUKASA CAME BACK.

Cressy: Tsukasa: “It’s not technically spoilers if it’s your own past, right? Right. I could have used this sort of heads up.”

~~~~~

So! Yeah! We were! Basically just completely screaming after that!

This is a much better episode than the last two. Thank you, Mouri-san! THANK YOU!

[dubsdeedubs]

The Weirdest Family in the Galaxy [Ch. 3]

[AO3]

Summary: Dipper and Mabel spend the summer of a lifetime in Gravity Falls, with their grumpy Grunkle Stan, who knows a lot more than he pretends to, and their weird Cousin Shifty, who might actually be a shapeshifting alien from outer space. And adopted.

[A/N:  I haven’t touched this verse in a long, long time.  But I still love the idea of the Pines family + one (1) recovering megalomaniac of a shapeshifting alien adoptee.  When Ford comes back through the portal, Stan’s going to kick his ass.

Previous parts can be found in the fic tag on my blog!  Or on AO3]

Excerpt:

"Stan here has told me plenty about the both of you."

Both twins stiffen like a board. "We plead the fifth," they recite simultaneously. After a beat, Dipper adds, "Deputy Durland told us nothing would go on our permanent records."

"Not unless we commit another misdemeanor with a sixty day period!" Mabel finishes cheerfully.

Grunkle Fiddleford looks pained, but utterly unsurprised.

Mabel likes her and Dipper's new Grunkle on sight. He looks small next to Stan even though he's not short at all, and he has a full white beard like Santa Claus. There's a pair of glasses perched precariously on his nose and he doesn't really have a chin, but the kindness on his face is the feature that really stands out.

(He looked just like Shifty and Tate, with the same kind of wiry body shape, the same shape of nose. Which… was just a little bit weird, since Shifty looked just as much like Grunkle Stan and Dipper and Mabel's own dad.

"That… doesn't really make sense," Dipper whispers, slow and hesitant. "Unless… Mabel, do you think either of them are like m -"

Mabel elbows him. "C'mon Dipper, you know better than to care about how! Nothing's stronger than the power of -"

"Mabel?"

"No, love!")

When he sees her and Dipper, his blue eyes brighten.

Grunkle Fiddleford smiles at them, and drops to one knee like he's used to talking to people who are a lot shorter than him. He sticks out a hand. "Hello there! You two must be Dipper and Mabel," he says, cheerful and... careful, articulate, every consonant sharply defined. Not like the gruff drawl of Grunkle Stan at all.

Just a little boring, Mabel admits in the privacy of her own mind.

Mabel shakes Grunkle Fiddleford's hand. His grip is strong and feels like old people skin, slightly leathery like Stan's, but harder, callused in a way that didn't fit the softness of his expression.

Next to her, Dipper makes a choking noise. "Fiddleford McGucket knows my name," he mutters in distant awe, eyes glazed over.

The old man furrows his eyebrows when he turns to Dipper, but he doesn't press or mention the way Dipper is slightly vibrating. It immediately earns a few points in Mabel's eyes.

"Sure do!" Grunkle Fiddleford agrees. "Stan here has told me plenty about the both of you."

Both twins stiffen like a board. "We plead the fifth," they recite simultaneously. After a beat, Dipper adds, "Deputy Durland told us nothing would go on our permanent records."

"Not unless we commit another misdemeanor with a sixty day period!" Mabel finishes cheerfully.

Grunkle Fiddleford looks pained, but utterly unsurprised. He gives Grunkle Stan a Look.

"...It was a learning experience?" Stan defends half-heartedly. " 'S a life skill, navigating the American penal system. Might as well start 'em off with harmless Blubs and Durland inna little podunk town like Gravity Falls before they have to -"

"They're twelve years old," their other grand-uncle says flatly, looking the most unhappy Mabel's seen him. The perfect syllables of his pronunciation seemed to crumble more the faster and more emotional he got, and the more he talked, the more he sounded like Tate. "They shouldn't be worryin' 'bout their permanent criminal records! What d'ya have these kids doin' anyways?"

"Uh. Light bit of forgery?"

Grunkle Fiddleford takes a deep, deep breath. He pinches at the bridge of his nose. "I don't understand," he says, strained. "Not now, not all them decades back. This town is no place for children -"

"I see you have returned, McGucket."

Mabel jolts. She doesn't recognize the voice for a moment, booming and deep as it is, like one of the really dramatic villains from Dipper's favorite shows. It lands with an impact that's almost physical, and she doesn't think she imagined the wince on the face of the old man in question.

Cousin Shifty stands dramatically around the corner of the Mystery Shack, finger pointed directly at his dad, and even though Mabel can't see his eyes at all she gets the sharp impression that he's glaring hard.

It would be more intimidating (that is, at all) if he wasn't standing in direct daylight, wearing a neon pink tank top with sparkles.

"Hey dad," Tate says from where he's standing right next to him, hands stuffed deep in his pockets. "It's been almost a year, yeah?"

"About so, I reckon," Grunkle Fiddleford says regretfully. "I… would've come to see ya'll sooner, there was just a breakthrough in the innovation labs, then there was a whole mess with the patent for the teleportation platform, and - well. Excuses don't make it right."

He smiles self-deprecatively, slow and small. "I've missed you boys."

"I have no use for your worthless words," Shifty announces. He's still pointing his finger and it doesn't look like he's planning on putting it down anytime soon, even though it's starting to look really awkward. "You should have stayed away, McGucket. You will not convince me to leave Gravity Falls - not then, not now. I have no desire to forget."

"... I'm not here to try an' convince ya," Fiddleford says reluctantly, the careful formality dropping from his voice. "I'm - I'm tellin' the truth, son. It's… just been a long while since I've last seen ya, and I thought -"

"Not long enough." Shifty's expression shows sharp teeth. "I wish to see you when you are willing to do what needs to be done. No sooner."

"Junior, I -"

Cousin Shifty does a weird kind of whole body twitch. "Do not call me that."

The old man winces, a genuine look of pain on his face. "That's the name we gave ya."

"That is the name he gave me," Shifty growls, like actually, as if he had stepped right out of a werewolf movie. "You lost all rights to it when you left him for lost."

Tate looks distinctly uncomfortable. "C'mon Shifty, not this again -"

(And Mabel's eyes widen a bit at that, because as confused as she was -

Did… did Cousin Shifty blame Grunkle Fiddleford for his dad passing away?)

"...I tried, Junior." There's something like grief in Grunkle Fiddleford's voice, a tremble of emotion that wasn't there before. "Ya know I tried. But there was no convincin' him. There was... no convincin' either of you."

"Then you should have stayed!" Shifty roars, rearing up in a way that makes him look a lot bigger, a lot more dangerous, pink tank top and all. Out of the corner of Mabel's eyes, she sees Grunkle Fiddleford take a single step back. "It was only after your abandonment that he -"

"Whelp, that's enough of that!" Stan announces cheerfully and slams a fishing hat on top of Shifty's head, breaking the tension and sending him into a flurry of vicious writhing and spluttering.

"Uncle -"

"Far as I'm concerned, this has been happenin' every da-rn time you two have seen each other for the past twenty-odd years," Stan says, entirely nonplussed. "Sort it out with your pops on your own time, kid. Today is Family Fun Day, and that doesn't look anything like a wholesome bondin' activity to me. And lower your finger, you're gonna put someone's eye out."

With his other hand, he produces an entire stack of fishing hats. Mabel pales when she sees her and Dipper's (Dippy's?) names embroidered on two of them.

"How does fishin' sound? All of us on a boat together for ten hours, catchin' dinner!"

No one says anything for a long moment, not even Cousin Shifty. They're all united in the face of a greater evil.

"That… sounds like a really horrible idea, actually," Dipper says flatly.

"I have work," Tate mutters, a bit too quickly.

Shifty just hisses.

"I… actually have something else in mind," Grunkle Fiddleford says slowly, like he actually, genuinely regrets not going on a ten-hour fishing trip with Stan. "If I remember correctly, the seafaring automaton I built several decades back is still molderin' away in one of the caves on the lake. I was hopin' to make some repairs, see if there's anythin' worth salvaging maybe take it out for a test run -"

Dipper and Mabel turn in perfect unison, mouths open.

"Grunkle Fiddleford," Mabel exclaims, sparkles in her eyes, "you built a giant robot?"

"Well, more or less," Fiddleford allows with a grimace. "I just have some bad memories associated with that particular phrasin' -"

The twins lock eyes. The decision is made. Positions are set.

Twin coordination is a go.

"Dr. McGucket, can Dipper and I please please please come with you?" Mabel begs, hands clenched, puppy dog eyes turned up to maximum.

"That - that really depends on your grand-uncle, kids -"

"It's really okay if we can't," Dipper adds, voice small, tilting his head just so in a way that casts his face in shadow. "It's just… we've never seen anything like that before, and it sounds so cool - " Grunkle Fiddleford turns wide, helpless eyes to Stan, who groans.

"I can see what you're doing, kids." "We have no idea what you're talking about, Grunkle Stan," Mabel says innocently.

"Uh-huh," Stan says flatly, looking between her and Dipper with an unreadable emotion in his eyes. Something like nostalgia.

His mouth turns down slightly. "...Ya kids sure you're makin' the right decision here? Messin' around with some rusty scrap metal, when ya could be learnin' all kinds of useful things! Like tyin' knots. Or gettin' out of 'em, always useful."

Stan pulls a hook out of his pocket with one hand and digs around fruitlessly with the other. "Or, uh. Skewering worms?"

"Ah," Shifty says slowly, slightly guiltily. "The worms were for the skewering?"

"...No worm skewering," Stan says without missing a beat. "But still plenty of useful life knowledge from your Grunkle Stan, like - uh, I'll think of somethin'. So whaddya say, kids? I'll even throw in some quality jokes!"

Dipper's eye twitches slightly.

"I… think we'll pass, Grunkle Stan," Mabel says diplomatically. "Maybe next time."

Stan sighs, but doesn't look at all surprised. "Looks like it's you and me, kid," he says, turning to Shifty. "Just like old times. Unless…?"

Out of the corner of Mabel's eyes, Grunkle Fiddleford perks up.

"I will capture the fish with you, Uncle," Shifty says with great weight, turning away purposefully from the hopeful look on his dad's face. "I greatly enjoyed consuming the flesh of last year's harvest."

"...Uh, yeah," Stan says blankly, looking as if he regretted his decision already. "Same here."

It's really no surprise that Mabel and Dipper have a lot of questions - about Shifty, about Grunkle Fiddleford, about the giant robot that's apparently been stored in a cave on the other side of the lake, everything. So it's actually really really impressive that they keep quiet for so long, all the way until Grunkle Fiddleford pulls up the small motorboat right next to a big, humongous, gigantic tarp-covered lump.

"Wow," Dipper whispers, eyes wide in the darkness. "I mean, I knew it was big, I just didn't realize it was this big. How did you get all the parts for this, Dr. McGucket?"

"Oh, just - odds and ends," the old man answers somewhat unconvincingly as he anchors their boat to shore. "Don't let the size fool ya, this thing looks more impressive than it really is."

The tarp is tugged off with the pull of a lever and Mabel stares, a single hand raised to her mouth, a spark of electric something racing through her veins.

"Why… why does it look like a sea monster?" Dipper asks blankly, looking up up up and into the giant robot's whiskery face. "Not that it's bad or anything, but - why?"

Grunkle Fiddleford shrugs haplessly. "I… really don't have an answer for ya there. I had a few… difficult years, back when I made this thingamajig here. No rhyme or reason, I'm afraid."

"I think it's perfect," Mabel announces, and leans forward to lick a long vertical stripe right on the robot's surface.

It tastes weird, not even because of the taste (kind of metal-ly, mostly salty in a way that made her wonder about the what the lake was like the last time it was in the water) but because of the texture, which was soft and spongey and not at all like what Mabel was expecting. Because the way Grunkle Fiddleford talked about it, she thought it was all made of metal, like those square beep-boop robots that she had seen on TV.

Those were boring, just like everything else that made complete and perfect sense. Dipper liked to explain how things worked, map out the circuits and draw out the lines of motion, but those just didn't feel interesting. What happened to creativity? Where was the mystery?

This didn't make sense at all. Not even a little bit. Why make something like this? What use did it have?

Mabel loves it.

When she looks back around, both Grunkle Fiddleford and Dipper are staring.

"Mabel, you have no idea where that's been!" Dipper exclaims, clearly grossed out. "Why did you lick that?"

"I just wanted to see what it was made of, Dip-Dop!" She protests.

"Couldn't you have just -" He gestured wildly. "- touched it? What if you get sick or something?"

Mabel shrugs. "I don't feel sick. And it doesn't work as well just by touching, Dipper. I had to be sure, you know that!"

"...Yeah, I do," Dipper mutters. "But it's different now, we're in front of -" He glances over a little, in the direction of Grunkle Fiddleford.

...Who's looking at Mabel, almost staring, with an emotion that she really can't read. He breaks into a sheepish smile when he notices her looking back. "Ya really don't have to explain yourself ta me, sweetheart. I - knew someone who'd do the same thing, a long, long time ago."

He looks somewhere to the left of Mabel's head, eyes glazed over with what must be memories.

"...Really not the best kind 'f quirk ta have while doing fieldwork, but somehow he survived the year without poisonin' himself. Not for any lack of effort on his part. Show him anythin' strange or out 'f the norm and he'd have his tongue on it in no time at all. Man would've licked a skunk if no one stopped him."

Mabel's eyes widen. "Hey, I would lick a skunk if no one stopped me!"

What if the black parts tasted different than the white parts? How else would people figure that out?

"Please don't lick a skunk, Mabel," Dipper pleads.

She ignores him.

"I think I like your friend a lot, Grunkle Fiddleford," Mabel says earnestly, because she really really does. Not even Dipper really gets it, not everything. "Do you think I can meet him one day?"

Grunkle Fiddleford goes quiet, in the careful kind of way that her and Dipper's parents do when they ask something they wouldn't like the answer to.

"No, sweetheart," he says at last. "I don't think so."

(Several miles away:

The kid's sulking. It's easy to tell, even though he doesn't have anything close to a human face on. Something in the way he's perched, birdlike, on the other end of the dinky little boat they had set sail on. Or in the furrow of the white, slightly translucent flesh between his eyes, or the twist of his fanged mouth-hole at the tip of his snout.

...Stan's getting a bit too good at this.

They're in a patch of unclaimed water, far from any probing eyes. Which is perfect, because there's a seven-foot-tall creature in his boat that looks like a cross between a praying mantis and a mealworm, and Stan's not exactly enthused about explaining to anyone how that's his nephew.

It had been strange enough going through the process firsthand.

"You gonna catch anything or not?" He asks at last. "You've been squatting there for nearly two hours, kid, and you've said exactly half a dozen words."

"You defended him," Shifty rumbles in a way that vibrates the whole boat.

Stan winces. "Well, I wasn't trying to. I get it. I really do. But… just not in front of the kids, yeah? They're just - kids. They've got no idea what's goin' on here. The last thing we need is them getting mixed up with the, uh, other side of this town." He grimaces. "Or tattlin' to the rest of the family about - well. Everything."

"I understand that human children are soft and small and helpless." Shifty says, bobbing his head. "Easily damaged and susceptible to predators."

"Er. Yeah, well. You're not wrong."

"I have been defending the children." He inclines his head. "Though their curiosity makes it difficult. I have already had to convince Jeff the Gnome of the futility of revenge."

Stan blinks. "...How did the kids get mixed up with those weirdos?" "The gnomes attempted to make Mabel their bride."

The boat wobbles precariously with the force of Stan leaping to his feet. "They what."

"The gnomes have been made very aware of their mistake." There is a telling glint in Shifty's rose-pink eyes. Stan is suddenly very aware of the size and sharpness of his claws. "I will protect what is mine."

"Good," is the only thing Stan can think to say. He sits down. "Shit."

"Uncle." "Yeah, yeah. I know. I just. Hell," he covers his face with his hands. "I didn't think that they already - I didn't fucking think. I need to keep a better eye on 'em."

Shifty tilts his head in a surprisingly human gesture of confusion. Maybe not that surprising. "I am on guard, Uncle. As we have agreed upon. There is no need for your concern."

"Yeah," Stan says, and takes a breath. "Yeah, I know."

They sit in brief silence.

"It's not forgiveness," Stan says at last. "How I feel about Fidds. It's understanding. Doesn't mean I agree with 'im, doesn't mean I like it, but… I get why he doesn't wanna get involved again. Ford or not."

Stan grimaces. "God knows the first time near ruined his life."

"He left us," Shifty hisses.

"Yeah, well. And look what Ford did to ya when you stayed." Stan lets out a breath. "Kid, I know you're workin' to get my brother back for more than just sentimental reasons."

"I no longer wish to hurt him," Shifty declares magnaminiously. A pause. "Much."

"Well, that's a relief," he says sardonically. "Would, uh, put a damper in things if we got him back after thirty years just for ya to go and break his arm."

Shifty stirs, in what would look like embarrassment on a more human-shaped creature. "That was an accident."

He stands up, the translucent-white jelly of his body darkening into skin and condensing into a far smaller frame, until he is again standing on two human feet.

"I no longer enjoy having our current conversation," Shifty says matter-of-fact. "I will hunt my prey until I no longer feel these emotions."

Thirty of years of playing guardian to his brother's alien bug kid had taught him the need for a whole lot of selective apathy. "You do that."

"I desire answers," Shifty intones, turning so that he was perfectly, dramatically silhouetted against the glare of the sun. "I wish to understand why he chose as he did." With that, he steps forward and does a swan dive directly off the boat, cloth and skin rippling into something with scales and teeth in the split second before he hits the water.

...Oh, he was Ford's kid, alright.

"You and me both, kid," Stan sighs. "You and me both."

[chaosia]

Another Medium

A Malec SpaceAU drabble. May write more. Something I started writing, and had to flesh it out.  Not beta’d, some mistakes and probably crappy.

The hounds were baying.

Alec paused his rummaging to listen. He could hear them moving around and through the mounds of trash, getting into position to ambush whatever unlucky bastard’s scent they caught. Soon enough, screams floated through only to be choked off as the hounds successfully picked off their prey. In a matter of mere minutes, the hounds were on the move again, looking for their next prey to fill their starving bellies. Their ravaging hunger was as infamous as their vicious bites.

The small pile of scraps next to Alec moved, spilling down as something moved underneath it. The head of a local space worm popped out, a piece of metal rebar sticking out from between its 4 flaps that closed into a snout, hiding its teeth laden mouth. Alec rolled his eyes at it, gently grabbing the rebar and tugged. The worm seemed to resist, tightening it’s flaps as tight as it could before thinking better of it and opened wide. With the resistance gone, Alec stumbled back a bit, managing just barely to keep his balance. The worm’s head drooped a bit in disappointment when the young man didn’t fall from its prank.

“Don’t be an asshole, Church.” Alec scolded, tossing the bar into another trash pile. Church followed the metal, perking up. Like an excited puppy, it dove after it, disappearing under the trash once again.

Seeing as Church was in a too playful mood to be of any help, Alec continued his rummaging. The hounds were still baying up at the planet’s two moons, coming ever closer to his location. He wasn’t worried. To them, he was a predator best avoided. Church on the other hand, might catch their curiosity as a new toy rather than food. It wouldn’t be the first time Alec’s had to rescue him from the local animals who’d taken him as either a lost baby or a part of their pack.

The hounds were nearer now, chasing down fleeing prey. Alec wasn’t the only person salvaging in those parts. Normally, people would go during the twilight hours (which acted as this planet’s ‘day’) when the hounds were underground asleep. There were still plenty of other creatures that hunted then, but many prefer their chances. The night brought in the hounds, the apex predator of the small world, known for their hunger and hunting in packs. They were extremely hard to kill, as when they attacked, they seemed to appear out of nowhere and in swarms. Those truly desperate risked their lives to scavenge at night.

Alec, though, favored the night. Less competitors and the only animals he had to worry about would be the hounds. He supposed they weren’t a lot to be worried over. His nature made a natural deterrent to animals and creatures like them. It was useful at times like this.

Out of the corner of his eye, Alec saw a man run out into the open. He only got a few steps passed the line of piled trash before a hound leapt onto him, mouth enclosing around the back of his neck. The man screamed bloody murder and as much as Alec tried, he couldn’t ignore the guy. He watched solemnly as more hounds joined its brethren, sinking their teeth in and tearing him apart. His screams turned into gurgles as he choked on blood rising in his throat. With a vicious shake of its head, the first hound broke its prey’s neck, silencing the fruitless whimpers.

Alec looked away, not wanting to see death on the man’s face or the hounds eating. He startled badly at the sight of a hound next to him.

[Beware the cut for mobile readers]

“Dammit Church!” He cursed, resisting the urge to lay a hand over his fast beating heart.

Church sat there, staring intently at the animals he facsimiled; fascinated. If Alec didn’t know any better, he’d have thought that Church was itching to join the feast. As it were, he was more interested in befriending the hounds to play than to help Alec with his task. They still had a few more hours of night left, plenty of time to finish rummaging through the row of scrapes before they had to head over to the bazaar. Sighing, he nudged his companion with his foot. He nodded his head towards the hounds when Church glanced at him.

“Go on, go play. You’re no use to me now anyway. Just make sure you’re back before dawn okay?” Church gave him a soft woof before chasing after the others.

Like many times before, Church was easily accepted into their folds, temporarily one of them. They wasted no time in taking off again, leaving Alec alone with his sack of goods. Church was special like that, easily able to gain the trust of complete strangers and creatures alike.

‘Just like Magnus’ he thought.

The thought of his lover brought a frown to his lips and eyebrows furrowed in worry. Magnus Bane was the brilliant mind behind the creation of Church and Chairman Meow. They were made as companion pieces; one for him and one for Magnus to keep by their side always. They were the point of access’ that connected the two lovers wherever they might be; whether at each other’s side or at the opposite ends of the galaxy. Church and Chairman Meow were mechanical beings, implanted with self-aware A.I’s. They were capable of shapeshifting into anything they’ve seen before, animals or people. Mostly the two stuck with animal forms, having more fun in it than they do as people. Chairman Meow was awfully fond of taking on a cat form, hence the name Magnus gave him after he refused to budge into another form for 2 weeks after he first encountered a cat.

Church, however, was different. He didn’t stick to one form for long. One minute he would be a wolf, the next a beetle, and a moment later a raven. Alec thought it was because he couldn’t identify with the animals he turned into, unlike the Chairman who instantly clicked with his feline form. Alec didn’t mind, Church’s ever changing forms were a strange comfort he could rely on. It also helped a lot with his missions, having the power of anonymity of a common beast and the advantage of a predator all in one.

Church’s shifting ability never ceased to amaze Alec. Church’s temporary forms usually take on a holographic look, blue in static bars and hashes, a picture projected by lasers. When they were posing or in hiding, that blue static would solidify into realistic colors of the fur, feather or shell of the animal Church was imitating. That soft blue of Church’s form, Alec thinks, would be what Magnus’ magic would look like if he ever earned the ability.

Magic in that day and age, was extremely rare. Only exceptional people or those of royalty had a greater chance of being acknowledged by the sentient essence to be able to tap into its powers. Though, Alec remembers Magnus telling him that even someone of royalty may not earn the ability. He doesn’t keep up with all of the gossip, but he’s heard that out of the three monarchy’s, only one person has managed to gain the ability of magic. People have been talking about the recent generation losing touch with their practices and the hopes that one of the princes or princesses would receive the honor of honing magic once again. Having magic would no doubt put that kingdom above the others.

Without a doubt, if anyone should acquire magic, Alec knew it would be Magnus even if Magnus himself didn’t believe in the possibility.

Alec continued sifting through trash picking out stuff that he’ll be able to pawn off for some money. Becoming lost in the numb task, he found himself straying back to his thoughts of Magnus. If he was alright, if he was hurt, if he was alone or had made some friends. Was he captured or free? Hiding or in plain sight? The last message Alec received was a short and brief set of numbers some time ago when he was on planet Helena-3. Church had managed to find a connection to Chairman Meow for a few precious moments, long enough to send through his own prompt message: ‘Shora-CR8C; 192. 3XXX’. He could only hope the connection lasted long enough for Magnus to get it.

The hours passed by faster than Alec expected, blinking out the twilight rays from his eyes. He managed to fill his sack up nicely, probably enough to get what he needed and be on his way to Shora-CR8C. He trudged towards the city, which rested inside the ring of trash and metal. As soon as he saw the large gates looking over the horizon, he placed his goggles on to join the metal mask that hid his nose, mouth and chin. The double doors at the entrance were open already, having closed at sun down to keep the hounds out of the city.

He heard a loud caw from up above, and glancing towards the orange skies, he saw the blue form swoop down. The crow, small for its species, landed on Alec’s left shoulder, already a solid black and not looking like a hologram. He rubbed a knuckle into Church’s chest in acknowledgment, who cooed and nipped at his finger in return.

“Let’s go see how much we can get, huh?” Church cawed in agreement before taking off into the sky again.

Hitching his bag of goods up against his shoulder, Alec entered the city of Astadus.

[pepperpaprika]

S3 Squeeing

Under the cut, mostly nonsense. :’D I’ll do a proper review once I digest it maybe!

First watch, no subtitles, GO.

(I’m sorry about name spellings)

EPISODE 1: 

huh they still have the same opening.

KEITH IS SO SAD

ah yes the zarkon shiro moaning

NO KEITH DONT DO THE WOBBLY EYES

ahhh i forgot the robovoiceover thing the bom have need to add.

skirts seem to be a status symbol with galra.

NINJA RUN OMFG.

oooh nice torpedo, hunk!

omfg an actual parade.

WAIT WAS IT KOLIVAN SAYING "IM SORRY KEITH" earlier??

pooegian? aw cute name. im seriously getting avatar flashbacks tho.

planet keffron, feathery ears

freedom fighters.

intergalactic fashion pirate coran- YES

lance is all about the glory lmao

OMG ALLURA NO- LOOK AT THAT SHOCK.

you can tell they ALL know they stepped on keiths landmine.

Commander Thrak --OH NO THEY ARE HIDING ZARKONS ILLNESS.

this guy is hunched.... OMG SHES A CHAMELEON.

LOL KOLIVAN IS AT THE HEAD

galra empire is most massive... it seems like it could rule another ten thousand years.

LOL KEITH. SO ANGERY.

poor boy.

oh hey pizza roll and pig in a blanket.

LOTOR a;lskdas;klj -Exiled prince -halfbreed at best, no honor -generals can fight for the throne -fighting beside your forces is considered lowly.

omfg. OMFG. LOTOR IS PRETTIER THAN I THOUGHT.

OMFG WHERE DID THEY COME FROM

YEAH GROWL BB

alskdjaskdjaskldj;asjkd;lasjkd;laslk;jdlasjk;dklajsd HES SHORT

LOL NICE PUNCH

Your own agression is your undoing.

oh he was expecting to be killed wasnt he.

arena is to the death confirmed.... so how did that robeast survive.

as;ldkjasdkjasd HEY THEY HAVE GEMS ON THEIR GLOVES/HANDS.

DONT TURN YOUR BACK ON A BLOODTHIRSTY GENERAL LOTOR PLS.

I mean sure theres an audience but still.

oh wow that guy has wolverine hands.

pet the kitty

let him rot with the ice worms~

LOL theyre all looking at lance... i guess they agreed beforehand.

EPISODE 2

nice seaside mediterranean city

is that an elephant?

whoah chameleon girls antenna is super long.

HOW DID THEY LAND GENTLY. oh i see... hmn ita racial.

whoah. she strong.

oh my god. HES THERE.

well i like how chameleon girl is like ty lee

LOL how allura chose the colors.

LOL SAME KEEF.

BLACK LION LOOKS SO SAD ON ITS SIDE. /CRAI

aw ladies first.

LOL PIDGE. lajkasdjasl;kdj

NOT IT. YES HUNK.YOU DIDNT EVEN TRY.

I LOVE IT HUNK.

PIDGGGGE

30 mins of lance sitting in the lion.

but im not you. i cant beat them like you.

PLEASE NO. OMG

LOL LANCES FACE. SO DISAPPOINTED.

I DONT ACCEPT THIS.

OMG SHES PLAYING WITH THE CAT

"no black lion"

oh. shes part snake not lizard?  DID SHE HYPNOTIZE HIM

THIS ONES FOR YOU SHIRO.

oh. they have warp technology.

Lancey Lance. JUST A PHASE. lmaooooo. HIS BEST LINE.

controls dont respond like the red lions.... hmm..

KEITH PROLLY TRAINED IT TO BITE MY HEAD OFF.

Allurance shoulder touch. well I didnt see that coming.

YEAH ALLURA.

There's something different about that lion... its pilot isnt in control.

lol keith thanks coran but not lance. I mean its not his fault this time, technically.

BE CAREFUL WITH RED.

weve seen enough, retreat.

LOL zarkon has a son allura: deeply disturbing.

LANCE STOP TALKING LIKE YOURE GONNA LEAVE HER FOR GOOD.

FALLEN WARRIORS.. AND SHIRO.

"I'm glad it was you."

OMG KEITH.

Episode 3

lol keith no. NOT EVERYONE CAN FLY A THING IN TWO MINS OK.

LOTOR WANTS TO KNOW MORE INFO

fkljas;kdfsaklj YES GO ONE ON ONE

LANCE WHY

omg. OF COURSE HES GOOD AT FLYING. OF COURSE.

DOES THIS THING HAVE BREAKS.

lol yes this was gonna suck from the start.

LOL GARRISON TRIO

GREAT LEADERSHIP KEITH FFFFFT

man this is a trainwreck.

oh man theyre not gonna be able to form are they.

LOL

LOTOR CAN SEE YOU

How disappointing... indeed, Lotor.

oh no keith playing straight into his hands.

nice planet tho.

omg. NOOOO KEEF NO.

huh Hunk has been really careful of allura huh :o its kinda interesting that hes the one who woories about her most... ope theres lance

'its not about the team its about the mission" - very telling.

lol he looks like orochimaru in that helmet, lotor.

generals call him lotor. interesting

LOL THAT SPLAT

alkdjasdkjsa NOOOO

oh no hes gonna capture allura first.

WHY ARENT THE LIONS GUIDING THEM?

ohhh no she dropped into the abyss.

aw shes super scared.

lol yes keith you followed him into his trap.

"oh em gee"

WHAT WOULD LANCE DO

laskdjasldjkaskjdjskjsadfjkljksdla

ALLURA WHY OMG. PARTICLE BARRIER.

abbb ok she must want to be guided. makes sense.

d;alsjdasl IM GLAD WERE ALL MAKING FUN OF LANCE looool.

ahhh there we go 3 eps in before voltron can be formed.

HUNK IM A LEG pretty cool right. IMMORTAL WORDS.

EPISODE 4

lol allura you were never gonna be the last alteans alive unless youre a lot worse at shapeshifting than you thought.

I love this science talk.

DONT GO INTO THE LIGHT.

oh its a wormhole.

ahah a time capsule ship of alteans. Nice.

Orrr not.

whoah lots of arms on that one. IS IT SLAV.

wheres slav anyway.

bom?

ALdaslk;djAS:LKdjasdljOMFG

OMFG.

YES IT IS SLAV AND SHIRO. SVEN.

aldfjlkqwlk;jehs ITS THE ACCENT.

"I MAY BE CRAZY"Nice slav.

ldjasd;lkj LOL LANCE HAS RED GUN.

"OH THATS HIM"

;ldkaslkak I LOVE ITTTTT

ALTEANS ARE EVIL. YES.

EMPRESS

WHAT IS THAT BEHIND THEM A YUPPER.

NO DONT HELP THE EVIL ALTEANS PIDGE.

its nice that all the new chars are girls.

alkjd;askdjasjkl;d I CANT EVERY TIME SVEN TALKS.

Moxus hmn. OMG BRAINWASHING. ALTEAN BRAINWASHING.

preservation of life. is the highest prioirty.. interesting...

YOOHOO UP HERE.

I love how sven has a mullet.

GUNS OF GAMORA.

Voltron can travel between realities. I love this plot device.

ohhhh no. oh nooo. shes doing it WHY ARE YOU SO BLIND.

awww the mice are so SAD.

i cant stop laughing whenever i see Sven.

ASLkdjaskld;jasjdkl THIS IS THE REALITY WHERE EVERYTTHING WORKS OUT FINE.

DOGPILE

I LOVE ITTTT.

;lkvsdf;aldkas;lkd LOL SVEN SVEEEN. lol shance with sven?

DOES HE DO THIS IN EVERY REALITY.

I LOVE THIS REALITY TOO SLAV.

NOOO DONT TAKE IT TO LOTOR. though thats probably needed to make a comparable weapon to voltron.

DESTROY IT

welp.

EPISODE 5

alk;sdjaskj SHIRO

SHOW ME THAT LONG HAIR BABY.

oh wait this is a dream isn't it.

whoah. such hair.

HOBO SHIRO

wtfffff is happeniiing. STAGE 3??

wow the animation quality went up tho.

YOU BE THAT AMERICAN NINJA SHIRO

hmm thigh wound.

anime snow...

aw haggar, its ok.

Yep thigh wound. Niiiiice legs. oh nooo.shiro.

interesting. an oasis of warmth. ohhhh NO NOO NO. GET AWAY.

TENTACLES.

WHAT IS THIS OTHER ALIEN.

lol shiros face. he's so done.

but somethings not adding up.

why was he allowed free?

eiii the return of the term "years"

IDK WHAT IT IS BUT HOBO SHIRO LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER RENDERED SOMEHOW? LIKE AN OVA?

lol yes why dint they GO WITH HIM.

but how did his hair get so long??

ALTERNATE REALITY?

VOLTRON.YES SHIRO. AH HES TOO FAST FOR ME.

oh. THAT ARM.

Lotor is on bad terms Haggar. I AM THE LEADER BUT I AM NOT MY FATHER.

holy shit that arm looks like shiros arm.

OH NO SHIROOO.

alksdjasjd OMG MEMORIES.

BLACK SAVE HIM. SAVE HIIIM.

NOODLES.

EPISODE 6

LANCE LIKE WHIPS. OF COURSE HE DOES.

WHERES SHIRO.

oh new white undershirt.

KEITH JUST TALKING TO SHIRO IN THE DARK IN HIS ROOM.

"they need you you know." Keith talking about himself.

AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES TO SAVE YOU SHIRO.

oh. SHORT SLEEVES.

oomg. omg.

I LOVE THE GEEK TALK.

...OH NO

HEY MAN.

SOLID MATH LOL.

Leave the math to pidge. LOL. solid advice.

HUNK BUTT WIGGLE.

LOL keith defers ofc.

THE HAIR IS ALL WROOONG. ITS GOING THE WRONG WAY.

oh no.

THIS MAY BE THE WORST POST IN THE GALRA EMPIRE BUT ITS MY POST. VICTORY OR DEATH. I LOVE YOU FOR THAT THROK.

oh its lotors guards.

???

OMG. OH NO. TELEDUV.

ohh no. SHEITH FIGHT.

lol they believe shiro ofc.

oh so it IS her.

OH YEAH AMBIDEXTROUS KEITH.

aw yes allura grab lances scruff.

ohhh no. this is a rift.

lotors brains vs shiros brains. hmn.

NICE KEITH.

ooooh no.

I wonder if Throk is still alive and can snitch.

Shoulder touch.

SOFT LOOK. The black lion has chosen you.

landing codes? what? whoa lotor. SO THAT PLAN WAS TO SET UP THROK? HES THAT PETTY??

episode 7

IS THAT HAGGAR?THE BLUE PALADIN??

ORIGINAL VOLTRON PALADINS

OH DEAR.

LOL ZARKON HAS A MACE. OR A HAMMER.

MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE AS AN ALCHEMIST THAN A SOLDIER

BEAR ALIEN

ERODES DISCIPLINE.

QUEENS AND KINGS NICE.

alluras already old there huh

and lions are super recent.

omg. ZARKON IS AFRAID OF CATS.

Minerva? Onerva?

OH ALLURA IS A BABY. THATWAS HER MOM SHES A PERFECT COPY.

HES MARRIED TO AN ALTEAN.

oh ships vs clean energy.

OH NO ITS SENTIENT.

why does she sound so dead???

WHY ARE THE LIONS ALL BANGED UP THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE NEW??

also zarkon used to be so small

GALRA HAVE PUPILS

so blue lions are flirts. hmn.

IS THAT A LIL KITTY NOSE ON THEIR HELMETS?

THE SQUAD. THEYRE SO CUTE.

LOL LEG.

waiiit. WHY DOES KEITH STILL PUSH HIS BAYARD IN FOR FORM SWORD??

isnt it with lance now??

live foreverrr.

Enerva is Haggar??

ohhh thats why his eyes are pink. SO THISIS THE BIRTH OF DRUID MAGIC, THE PARTICLES.

....THATS IT??