#that was my wife my guys

[taibhsearachd]

So, Fantasy High update... I'm a few episodes past this by now, but I fucking scream-laughed when Coach Daybreak responded to Kristen's desperate plea for guidance about someone who had doubts about their faith with "you should cut her off, because she's going straight to hell." Literally what my wife's parents said about me.(I was still going to church at the time, just not THEIR church, I was questioning my faith but had literally never talked about it to Mags or ANYONE. I was only not still in AWANAS at the time because I think there wasn't one within a reasonable driving distance of where I lived.) Just... setting the magical shit aside, an incredible portrayal of actual religious cults that are too accepted within society to be recognized as cults.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[crabanarchy]

i miss cd drives. how could you just take her pussy away. likes its nothing

[cryptocism]

that half-blank, half-apocalyptic look

"i can b ur angle or yuor devil" etc etc "get a man who can do both" etc etc

obsessed with this vamp i think he should get to do whatever he wants forever

[butchdykekondraki]

14k moonwalker

[vistarya]

May I have this dance, Mrs Tims?

[marsantiquity]

[sobbing sfx]

[meltedmush]

[creekfiend]

when items which claim to be made of linen are like "hand wash gentle only do not use machines" it's soooo. guys linen is like. the durable fiber. I should be able to fucking boil this and hit it with rocks biweekly. you are doing something wrong

[delzeetoons]

do we fw lil pootis blu engie

(original sketch under the cut + close-ups !!)

[cozylittleartblog]

New Family Speedrun 00:09.12 (World Record Not Clickbait???)

[barawrah]

beloved

[eliotbaum]

Fiona has a higher STR score than both Lydia and Kasper which also means — she can carry them

[glowsticcc]

his name is philza minecraft and he is quite sad!

he is married to a skeleton and that is interesting!

both his kids! are a-sleep!

he’s so lonely! he’s so lonely!

[tampire]

Slayer's crouch animation looks smoking hot in Guilty Gear Strive

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met