#that's also the reason why Star Trackers is in development hell

[dontvap0rdawave]

I’ve noticed recently how high quality the more recent pink n blue pages are and how much time they are spread apart, so I want to ask

how long does it take to make one of the more recent bink n plue pages?

It depends on time constraints and the complexity of the piece, but usually, all of my works (if I'm in the mood or inspired) take me about 2-3 days to make!

Same goes for the comic pages, or at least for the PnB ones, as they aren't that difficult to make and I am already so used to making them they feel like a breeze when I actually have time to draw them (but since I'm also scripting the story now (who knew) and actually plan to make some redesigns of some characters in the near future, that making-of time may change in the future)

[alesreadings]

Supernatural Academy: Year One by Jaymin Eve.

✧ 3 stars. ✧ "Knowing I have you guys in my corner... it means everything. I would cut a bitch for you. Girl power, my friend. This is girl power."

I guess I'm out of my reading slump, or trying to. This book took me a while for that reason: my reading slump has last at least 3 months, and I'm slowly recovering, lol. I'm still debating so hard with this one. Maddison James lives a "normal life", moving on from city to city and changing her hair color every year on her birthday, january 1st... Until a tracker finds her and tells her that she isn't human and has to go to an Academy to learn how to control her power or she will be dangerous for the humans, yada, yada, yada. I like books with the academy / boarding school trope, because I missed my teen years due depression (that's a story for another day, lol) and so, I think they're pretty cool, entertained and a little bit refreshing. I like the idea of making new friends who will be with you fighting darkness and that kind of shit. This one, however, didn't feel as much as I expected (that's also why I don't make illusion with books in general). Maddison is recluted by Ilia and she goes to the Supernatural Academy. But there's something weird with Maddi: she doesn't know where does she fits, in which specie: demi-fae, magic users, vampires, shapeshifters, etc. Year One is basically a high school with people of 20+ years old. We have the girls who think they're superior than everyone else, the irrelevant people, the daughter of the princeps and the hot guys who don't mix with the other kids, and that also are so fucking powerful because why not? Maddi draws the attention to her in the moment she arrives to the Academy. Maddi falls into the arms of the super popular, hot, rich and powerful boy, Asher. The conection between them two is so goddamn fast. In matter of seconds, they know something is going on between them... The normal thing, right? The bad bitches mess up with Maddi and warn her to stay away from the hot kids. Another total normal thing. The pace is a little bit fast. Some characters are easy to love or to hate. Maddi is annoying, I still don't know if shelf this book as "badass female mc" or as "stupid female mc because Maddi was both sometimes. In the second half of the book, I get to dislike her. Asher was pretty good at the beginning of the book. It was towards the end when he became the asshole overprotective "hero" that believes he can decide over the girl and ugh, I wanted to kick him so bad. AXL IS MY FAVE NERDY HOT BOY, DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY BOY. Rone was being hostile with Maddi at first but suddenly he's like "I will protect you" and ?????? wHAT THE FUCK!! Jesse and Calen are sweethearts and I must protect them but still, they lack of personality and development. This is not a reverse harem (I don't like them tbh), even if it feels like that. While many people likes the bad boy with dark hair, edgy and rude and annoying, I like the hot nerd dude who's always with a book. Don't ask me why, I just know I love that type of guy, yES, AXL, I'M TALKING TO YOU! I wanted to kick Maddi for being an idiot the 99.99% of the time. She was feeling horny or rejecting the possible idea of being part of an ancient specie and was like "nO wAy I'm ThAt SpEsHuL, i JuSt CaN't", which is annoying as the fucking hell. Trust me, there's nothing that exasperates me the most than a girl trying to pretend that she isn't speshul, when she clearly is it, because hello, the book is of your pov. I'm not complaining, there were a couple of good moments, but some felt really dry, senseless and pointless. It's a 50/50 for me and I guess I will pick up the second one, but not yet because my currently reading list it still a little bit bigger for me, lol. bUT IF AXL DIES, I WILL RIOT AND BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLD FOR HIM.

[fmdminhee]

task. #famedrstask1.

notes: word counts are included with each individual answer! completed for +5 tracker points.

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. word count: 261.

minhee’s childhood prior to becoming a trainee is pretty much the exact same as before the restructuring. dance prodigy says fuck u crazy dance mom, i’m not gonna be maddie ziegler, and ends up becoming an idol. she started training a year earlier than before though, so she had a slightly longer training process! i think the most obvious change to everyone else is her faceclaim, which is now lee hyeri. buuuut if you take a look at her pages or app or anything else, you’ll see that she’s now a main dancer, lead vocal & rapper, rather than being a main dancer, lead rapper & vocal! this was sort of a selfish change on my part, because i wanted to open her up to some opportunities for solo work that wouldn’t have suited her before because of her position, but that would’ve fitted more along the lines of what i initially imagined for her image than the options actually available to her. she’s also been a lot happier for a lot longer, because instead of debuting with a concept she hated, minhee got to debut in ... an age appropriate group! if you look here, you can see some examples of what i thought of when thinking of minhee’s ideal group and ... yeah, lily lines up with that pretty well. not perfectly, but pretty well. she’s still dealing with her issues surrounding her family, her sexuality and her fear of aging, but for the most part, minhee’s a lot more settled, or even satisfied, in terms of her career.

what does your muse think of their company and their group? word count: 255.

let’s start with lily, minhee’s beloved. she loves her members, she loves the overwhelming majority of their songs, and she’s proud as hell of the legacy they’ve built up for themselves so far. to be honest, sometimes she it just hits her that oh shit, she’s minnie from lily! and oh shit, they’re basically the biggest girl group ever. no one tell her that candy inherited nation’s girl group or that ultraviolet are taking over the world, let her be dumb. no, but genuinely, she can’t believe the scale of what they’ve achieved sometimes. she doesn’t totally feel like she deserves all the love she gets. then there’s the company behind it all; bc entertainment. she wonders all the time if her mother would’ve went along with everything if it was any other company that minhee came home with a callback from. probably not. for that alone, she’s thankful. she sort of dislikes being portrayed as perfect and untouchable -- more silly and down to earth than a lot of her peers under the company, but still. it’s just part and parcel of bc’s status. the reason it gets to her is that she’s very much not that perfect girl next door that the company wants her to be, and she puts a lot of pressure on herself to live up to it. as such, minhee probably doesn’t take advantage of all of the resources being under bc allows her access to as much as she should, choosing instead to just grin and bear it. 

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? word count: 260.

minhee is on her second contract. she renewed with bc in 2019 for a further seven years, which doesn’t feel like that long of a time. seven years seemed like a liftetime when she signed her debut contract in 2012, but it went by pretty fast for her. finding out what the rest of her members were doing was the most important thing for minhee when choosing whether or not to renew. with lily’s status in the industry, the money she made over the previous years, and the wealth belonging to her family, she felt confident that she’d be okay no matter what happened. a safety net. but her preference was always going to be to continue with the rest of lily if possible. she wouldn’t have forced the issue if the others didn’t want to though ... at least not on purpose. knowing minhee, she probably would’ve been crying all over the place and ended up messing with everyone’s plans like that. maybe she would’ve put out an ad like, “nation’s girl group in search of new agency. must be willing to take in four fully grown women and meet all of their demands.” as for the terms in her second contract, minhee was looking for some more royalties and some reassurance that lily would continue to receive the levels of resources and investment that they were already receiving from the company, as well as more opportunities for her to grow as a soloist. she didn’t want them falling by the wayside. she’s too young to be washed up! 

what are your muse’s goals and motivations? word count: 259.

in terms of her career, minhee actually has some pretty lofty ambitions. her top two focuses are solo music and modeling, and they’re basically split an even 50/50. she wants to continue releasing upbeat solo songs, but as for the music itself, aside from some dabbling in lyrics, she’s happy to leave it to the professionals. her primary interest, aside from the obvious performance and promotion aspects, lies in developing her own choreography. for her own songs firstly, but also for lily’s songs, and maybe even others within the company. outside of bc remains to be seen. she’s been really inspired over the years by a lot of the dancers and choreographers that she’s worked with, even from before entering bc, and she’d like to inspire someone else some day too! and modeling ... i can’t lie, minhee just likes looking pretty and getting free stuff, so she’d like to do some more of that. 

as for her personal life ... messy as hell! she still really wants to find love but still only goes looking for it with fuckboys. she wants to get closer with her dad and her extended family, but is finding it difficult to pull off while also keeping her mother at arm’s length. she also can’t help antagonising her mother because she’s a dumb brat. i don’t think minhee realises it yet, but she’s slowly coming to a place of self acceptance too. when she does realise it, i think that’s something that will really motivate her to be the best she can be.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? word count: 262.

i’ve talked in depth about minhee’s conflict over her sexuality here, which all still holds true, but i want to take this opportunity to talk about something else very close to my heart concerning minhee that i’ve mentioned once or twice in passing but never explicitly. minhee is autistic. she just doesn’t know it yet. some fun mun trivia is that i’m autistic! but, as is typical for a lot of afab people, i was basically an adult by the time it was diagnosed. you might say, hey sucy, stop projecting on your muses, but i say no! write what you know and all that. it’s kind of ironic though, because not even i realised minhee could very well be autistic until i’d written her for two years, and deciding took me another. and now she has to go through the diagnostic process again in character, smh me. anyways, yeah, minhee is probably going to have it suggested to her pretty soon while seeking some help for her anxiety about aging, and after that she’s gonna have to recontextualise her whole life because it’s truly like a lightbulb moment for a lot of people, myself included. suddenly everything that was weird to you growing up makes sense. it’s kind of a lot to wrap your head around, and would be for anyone, so writing about that for minhee is going to be interesting. i mentioned above that she’s been kind of moving towards self acceptance anyways, and i think this will be a very big turning point for her on that journey.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. word count: 277.

she does! her individual activities consist of modeling jobs and a couple of variety show cast positions, because i felt that these were the avenues she would’ve been pushed down up until more recently in her career, when her interest in choreographing for herself would’ve really taken off. minhee has really enjoyed her career so far. she feels settled within the entertainment industry, and that type of security is so sexy to her. the less chance that her mother can say i told you so the better.it’s kind of a big difference for her in terms of character actually, but this incarnation of minhee likes being on variety shows! she’s actually confident appearing on them! this is because of the difference in concept between lily and lipstick. lipstick’s minnie’s confidence took a long time to build up. lily’s minnie’s didn’t. she’d like to be on more variety shows in the future, especially something competition based, like dancing with the stars ... or masterchef, for a laugh, because she’d be the first person eliminated. and then, there’s the modeling. as mentioned a couple of questions ago, it’s something she wants to focus pretty tightly on going forward. her favourite brand that she’s been the ambassador for so far is crocs. she loves her crocs. she has, like, five different colours. crocs, please sign minhee again. working with etude house and kloud was pretty cool too though. sometimes she’s still able to swing free beers when she goes out. so, going forward, she wants to continue with those types of gigs, as well as pursuing more solo music and developing her skills as a choreographer, like i mentioned earlier!

[eggoreviews]

Nintendo Direct Feb 2019 BREAKDOWN

So, that direct was pretty okay right? If you missed it or even if you didn’t, I’m gonna be taking a look at everything announced and giving it a vague excitement rating! Enjoy!

Super Mario Maker 2

This was a pretty great way to kick off this direct. With the promise of a host of new features coming in this entry to build upon the first, including the introduction of slopes (finally) and a new texture pack based on Mario 3D World, I reckon this is definitely one to mark in the calendar. Mario Maker 2 is slated for a, gratefully soon, June 2019 release.

Excitement Rating: YEEHAW

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order

The long awaited third entry in the MUA series, to the surprise of many, is in fact a Switch exclusive. For those who don’t know, this is a hack-and-slash fighting game, of course tied heavily to Marvel comics. This entry seems to be riding in off the back of Infinity War, with Thanos and the Black Order showcased as central villains. Honestly, this game looks like it could be fun, especially with friends, though I don’t think it’ll turn out to be anything special.

ER: Sure, why not!

BOX BOY! + BOX GIRL!

This adorable little puzzle platformer is making its debut on Switch this spring, with the promise of local multiplayer and more levels than ever before. Looks to be a goodun for fans of cute, minimalist art design and box-based puzzles and the like.

ER: Cool! Those boxes can move!

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - Ver. 3.0

Nintendo sort of slapped us in the face with a lovely, welcome announcement of a new Smash update! Oh boy! New features! And then they turn around and say they aren’t gonna tell us what they are.

Oh.

Kind of makes me question the point of putting this in the direct a little, but I’m sure whatever they’ll add will be cool! On top of that, a tentative release window for Joker was given (before the end of April this year) and we got a cheeky look at some of the new spicy amiibos, being Snake, Simon and the Pokemon Trainer lot.

ER: Yay?

Captain Toad Treasure Tracker Updates

Here’s one that definitely caught me offguard, but I’m more than happy with it considering I just picked up the game. Part of the new Captain Toad content is free, adding in proper 2 player co-op where you can both play as Toad. The paid ‘special episode’ stuff struck me as a little odd, considering this game was already a Wii U port that’s now getting even more paid DLC. Regardless, it’s not too pricey and you can even pick up the first DLC course now, with the rest coming March 14.

ER: That’s cool! 

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

This not-quite-Castlevania game could easily be mistaken for a knock off of that franchise, but seems to have some defining elements of its own. The art style is bold enough to make it unique and the game seems to have an interesting variety of puzzles and side quests to make this more than just a run of the mill 2D platformer. An obvious choice for those with a Castlevania shaped hole in their hearts.

ER: You go bouncy vampire lady

Dragon Quest Builders 2

What is basically just Dragon Quest Minecraft with a story mode apparently, this oddly charming sandbox game was seemingly popular enough to warrant a sequel. And I won’t lie to you, it got me a little excited. As a fan of Dragon Quest its art style and general building-ness, I think I might have to pick this one up. And it’s got a cool retro map!

ER: I’m not excited, you are

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age: Definitive Edition

In case you hadn’t guessed, I literally adore Dragon Quest. The bright colours, the developed characters, the expansive world, awesome monster designs, great soundtrack and lame sense of humour, it all just gets me. It just sort of sucks I already own this on the PS4, where I can’t access all this new content. Oof. But yeah, pick this up if you can. You won’t regret it if you’re a JRPG fan.

ER: More like echoes of an exclusive age amirite

Disney Tsum Tsum Festival

Oh.

I won’t lie to you right now, nothing screams ‘soulless’ to me more than small Disney plushes with all the personality taken from them being stuck into totally random minigames. Don’t get me wrong, I love Disney (mostly through Kingdom Hearts but that’s besides the point) but I don’t think this elicited much excitement in anyone.

ER: I guess this exists, huh?

Starlink: Battle for Atlas - Spring Update

This was another one that surprised me. Considering how mind meltingly badly Starlink bombed, partly down to its odd reliance on the whole ‘toys to life’ craze that died out in 2013, I really didn’t think there’d be any further support for the game and they’d just sort of slip it under the rug. But nope, we’ve got some more Switch exclusive missions involving some more Star Fox characters, as well as the introduction of Wolf’s buddies. Honestly, I think Nintendo needs to do themselves a favour and just release a new Star Fox game.

ER: Great, if for some reason you bought this!

Rune Factory 4 Special & Rune Factory 5

Here’s a series I’d literally never heard of until last Wednesday, but the only way I can describe it from what I’ve seen is it looks to be a cross between Animal Crossing and kind of also Dragon Quest. You cook stuff, you farm stuff, you fight things and you can get married if you want, so definitely cool if you’re a fan of the series. But also cool if you’re someone who wished Animal Crossing was a bit more JRPG. Alongside the announcement of a remastered Rune Factory 4 later this year, as well as confirmation of Rune Factory 5 sometime in the future.

ER: Cool! Plants and stuff!

Oninaki

An action RPG with an intriguing premise and a rich, dark colour scheme, Oninaki seems very eager to set itself apart from other JRPGs on the market and still manages to stand out just a bit, even in a direct that’s basically been packed with JRPGs. Oninaki explores themes of reincarnation and grief, following the story of one grey-haired dude saving lost souls from a place called the Upside Down the Beyond to stop them from turning into monsters. Another one to add to the list if you like edgy RPGs!

ER: Edgy and cool

Yoshi’s Crafted World

Another update for this adorably cardboard entry into the long running Yoshi series, we’re finally getting close to actually being able to play it. Nintendo showcased some of the more interesting variants of gameplay, with the use of rafts, cars and planes definitely making this seem that there’s some substance here to go with the style. Alongside this, a demo released on the eshop so go play that if you haven’t already and decide if it’s for you!

ER: Wow, this game has a Labo costume! I’ll definitely grind for that!

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Finally some more info about Nintendo’s latest instalment in their anime Game of Thrones series Fire Emblem, we got a big ol infodump about some of the stuff to do with the game. While the video itself will explain everything better than I can, this time players will be able to interact with three kingdoms and three main protagonists, all of this centralising around one academy the game is set within. Overall, this game certainly looks interesting to play, but one I’m not quite sure I’ll be picking up just yet. Basically, if you’re unfamiliar with the games but love a tactical RPG, this one is a no brainer.

ER: Edelgard’s design is pretty cool. If one of them has to get into Smash, I hope it’s her.

Tetris 99

The game many have been calling Tetris Battle Royale, this is the very first Nintendo Switch Online exclusive offering and it’s totally free if you’re a member. It’s Tetris and you have to win against 98 other people, also playing Tetris. Nice!

ER: Tetris block for Smash

Dead by Daylight

As a game I got for free through Playstation Plus, it should be fairly obvious that this port isn’t one that excites me greatly, especially after seeing the quality of the graphics in the trailer the direct showed us. While the concept of an online match with several survivors and one killer sounds good on paper, it seems as if the quality of this port may leave a lot to be desired. But still, this could still only be early development footage and we really have no idea how it’ll look by the end.

ER: Tentative

Deltarune

Undertale is one of my favourite games of all time, so of course it excited me to find out I’d finally be able to play the sort of sequel, Deltarune, which Toby Fox has taken in the interesting direction of splitting the game into chapters. The first of these chapters will be free (yay I like free) and it certainly seems like the same abstract sense of humour and charm present in Undertale has been carried over to this sequel. Definitely one to watch.

ER: Always excited about cartoon doggo

Daemon X Machina

This mech-fighter has been floating around in various Nintendo directs for a fair while now and it’s encouraging to see the game come close to release. In a commendable move, the producer of the game has offered a free demo of the game allowing you to pilot your own custom mech and experience a boss battle in the demo known as ‘Prototype Missions’. The aim of this to gain feedback from potential players in order to make the game as good as it can be, which is amazing! It’s honestly a bit of a dream world where every game developer and publisher is as open and transparent as these guys, so kudos to them. As well as this, the game looks pretty heckin’ fun so it’s definitely worth picking up the demo off the eshop and giving these guys your feedback!

ER: Big ol’ robots hell yeah

GRID Autosport

As of yet, the Switch has lacked a realistic racing game. Enter Grid Autosport, which seems to be packed with a variety of cars, tracks and game modes, including all DLC from the original release of the game. Not one for me, but I’m sure there’s plenty of Switch owners out there whose racing fix isn’t quite satisfied by Mario Kart.

ER: V big if ur a car person

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice

This game was notably created in collaboration with neurologists and those who experience psychosis in order to properly portray the main character and her mental health struggles. Following the quest of Senua as she fights to save the soul of her dead lover, this game created a huge wave through the industry when it first launched and won major awards for its artistic design and performance. While this isn’t one I’ve had the chance to try yet, it certainly looks as if it provides a brilliant, emotional experience from beginning to end.

ER: A lot

Mortal Kombat 11

This was one everyone basically already knew about, but this direct gave us a reminder of the release date and various features such as custom characters. For fans of this long running, brutal fighting game, get April 23 in ur brains.

ER: Cool

Unravel Two

This adorable puzzle platformer sees you and, optionally, a friend take control of two little creatures made of yarn as they navigate a colourful world and help each other pass various obstacles. For those fans of platformers like the Yoshi series, Unravel is definitely one to consider.

ER: Cool

Assassin’s Creed III Remastered

This is the iconic stealth fighting series Assassin’s Creed’s first outing on Switch, but if this footage is anything to go by, it’s not looking brilliant. While this once again could be put down to unfinished development, the first look at a game is often the most important, and a slow frame rate shown during the direct could mean this game isn’t what fans want it to be.

ER: Tentative

Final Fantasy Release Dates

For fans of the legendary and slightly intimidating JRPG series, several games in the series both new and old will be coming to the Switch in 2019:

Final Fantasy VII on March 26th

Chocobo’s Mystery Dungeon EVERY BUDDY! on March 20th

Final Fantasy IX is out now!

ER: Cloud is my favourite twink

Astral Chain

Admittedly, at a first glance, this title in a brand new franchise didn’t particularly excite me. But after having another look, I can definitely see where all the hype is coming from. This looks to be a hack-and-slash sort of action RPG with all the edgy story elements and setpieces of that ever so popular steampunk genre that players seem to love these days. With all these mechs, explosions and edgy voiceovers, it makes me think that Xenoblade Chronicles and Deus Ex had some kind of torrid love affair. On top of this, with a dev team that has Bayonetta, The Wonderful 101 and NieR: Automata under their belt, this is a game that will almost certainly impress when it finally comes out on August 30. Platinum Games might just have another winner here.

ER: Big yes

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

oKAY, let’s be real, this is the one that really knocked it out of the park. At least for me it did. As the final reveal, this made me scream a little tiny bit. I think we’d all heard the rumours of a 2D Zelda coming to Switch, but I was highly skeptical to say the least. But a wonderfully charming and artistically bloody P E R F EC T remake of Link’s Awakening?? HHHHHH. They even kept all the Mario enemies for some reason! Oh boy, whenever they release this in 2019 apparently really can’t come soon enough.

ER: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

That was all for this direct! I hope you enjoyed my silly, unplanned breakdown of all the cool things that happened. Til the next direct!

Oh and if you’ve got a craving for more game news, be sure to check back on my blog March 1st for the second ‘issue’ (lol) of my monthly viddy game mag!

Stay hydrated my dudes.

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Fic Recs/Writers *updated 09/12/2019

THE LIBRARY IS OPEN DARLING....for some actual reading.

A list of fics/writers I’ve come across that got some of that pretty sweet stuff. And also because I’ve read around too much and can’t remember names or fics to save my life. THE UPDATES MAN!

Warning: Some fics (as will be indicated) are +18/rated M for Mature/take me to church kinda deal

@versigny

I’d say almost all of their stuff is worth a read (whoever your bias may be, they got stories on them), but my personal faves are their vampire au series, some +18 stuff there but majority of the stories are oneshots and drabbles

@honeyedhoseok (I think now @tawnytaehyung)

I’m sure everything they wrote is worth a read from what I’ve read thus far but because of that, I can really only recommend the three fics I actually read.

Series: Besitos (ta!Jimin) rated M for recent developments hoho~

Bruh why is this not reality? Why don’t we get really hot TAs to crush on? It would’ve made my school life hella easier and I’d get that perfect attendance. Jimin is your hottie creative writing TA who you can’t help but crush on (but can anyone blame you) and envious to all, he likes you back too. College au shenanigans, teacher/student dynamic, and dorky wingman ta!Taehyung friend.

Oneshot/drabbles (Crossroad demon!Jimin): Crossroads + Hunted + Captured Part One *NEW + Captured Part Two *NEW

I’d sell my soul to satan if he looks like bs&t!Jimin. You basically make a deal with crossroad demon!Jimin and can’t help but actually grow fond of the supposed devious, soul eating creature of hell.

Series: The Black Book (CEO!Hoseok) rated M

My heart can’t take the drama but it’s still a really good read. CEO!Hoseok may be young and rich but he definitely has some questionable methods of relieving stress, one that you’re all too aware of which makes things super awkward cuz you in love with the man. Does CEO!Hoseok eventually change thanks to you or do old habits die hard and just leave you in a world of hurt? Again if it’s Hoseok he can be the biggest jerkface and I’d still be charmed.

@dovechim

Shorts/Drabbles: the ocean (mermaid!Jimin) + drabble

Because goddammit mermaid!Jimin is cute okay??! (and I love me a good supernatural au of any sort) You’re a ballet dancer going to Busan Arts and stumble upon Jimin chillin’ in the water by the beach. You mistake him as fellow peer but hey he shows up to your class anyways (totally rocks the dance thing) but then as time passes, you find that something is quite...fishy about him.

Series: It’s okay, that’s love (splitpersonality!Jimin)

No not the drama. Okay so a shrink is still involved and that’s played by you and you’ve got water polo player!Jimin who has split personality disorder (he’s scary when he’s angry...) as your patient, except he doesn’t know about this ‘other self’ of his. As if feelings aren’t already making things complicated, imagine accidentally finding yourself rooming with him (along with your other favourite boys).

@hobibliophile

Okay so I might’ve read all of their Jimin stuff and yes. All yes (warning: they’re +18 stuff soooo)

The only other fic I’ve read from them is Ambrosia (M) starring Fallen Angel!Hoseok....I like supernatural au fics alright. Fallen angel or not, Hobi is still super sweet and since this is a series, we don’t know what the reason was and MAJOR CLIFFHANGER!

@jimlingss

Series: Beyond Reach (ghost!Hoseok) ft. Reaper!Namjoon and other ghosties

This shit made me nearly cry five times....FIVE TIMES. I say nearly because I don’t like crying so it took literally all my willpower to not (ended up with a runny nose though). ANGST AS SHIT. Has some triggering stuff involving death so be warned. It’s a good read though....BUT SAD AS HELL (at least it’s completed :’))

One Shot: Head Over Heels to Hell (reverse soulmate!AU, Childhood Friends to Enemies to Lovers! Hoseok x reader)

Oh yes, this was a WILD RIDE. Goddamn it’s like you hate the man but then in the end that shit got me emotional for some reason like djgskh good shit good shit (you have gone through multiple different lives meeting Hoseok, all of which he screws you over somehow but in the end of it all... perhaps things could still work out??)

Series: The Deli Diaries (produce! Jimin x Deli worker!you) fluff, slow-burn

Holy shit this is cute af. It’s so mundane (guess that’s a fair warning??) but just reading the way the relationship develops is just....ahh!!! I want my own cute Jimin who pines after my dumbass TAT

Series: Jungle Park (Workplace Romance AU, Lawyer! Hoseok x New HR Manager!Reader) fluff, slow-burn, slice of life, a little angst **NEW

A long series for those of you who love to read chapter fics! Oh my God this was a thrilling ride of emotions! The pacing is amazing, each chapter you’re hooked on wanting to see more development on the history between these two so it’s worth a read! I love how Hoseok is portrayed here; it’s like a piece of how he would be in real life is put into just another scenario (Also hate how reader is like... relatable in a way where I also majored in HR so...WHERE’S THE OFFICE ROMANCE LIFE TRAIN GONNA HIT ME WITH THAT??)

Three Shot: Magic & Mysteries (Familiar/Hybrid!Jimin x Witch! Reader) fluff, a little angsty, comedy, romance **NEW

A three shot series involving what the title says! Magic! It’s a little adventure tale of our reader who’s a witch struggling to find her place in terms of specialty and overcoming some fears and insecurities with the help of sassy (but secretly cares a lot) Jimin who’s a wizard cursed to be a dog (that looks like Chimmy!) It’s cute and pretty wholesome in my opinion :)

Also an honorable mention from them is the Service Series (it’s fluffier dw) and honestly their other fics are definitely worth a read :D

@7cypher

Oneshot: Devil’s Advocate (devil/demon!Jimin)

Ironic how despite being a devil Jimin is still the sweetest being to exist. Devil!Jimin walks into your life abruptly and worms his way into your heart with his devilishly good looks and sweet charms. It’s hella cute, a slightly angsty ‘defining’ moment that actually had me tearing up a bit??? (I’m a sap for sweet, tender affection like the ones that happened in here okay??) but it all ends well :)

@seokkbuns

I’ve read most of their Hoseok and Jimin stuff but I think all of their fics are worth a read!

@boymeetsweevil

Oneshot: Cover You In Constellations (Hoseok x reader fic)

I’ve read this a while ago but keep coming back to it because oh god this was cute, so domestic and so fluffy like this is the kinda shit I would pull if I had a boyfriend like Hoseok like skdjfskgha. I like the way writer portrays Hoseok because it feels so like what I imagine he would react. Hoseok deserves all the love ;_;

@kittentaegu

Series: My Boss, The Vampire (Vamp!Jimin x reader fic)

Two parts are out so far and I’m loving the premise! New office worker with notoriously hot CEO Park Jimin who has a secret to hide (guess what it is). One day, you find out what it is and so now what?? Things get steamy ;D Also, the title of it is so K-dramaesque and I don’t know! I like the charm it adds to it!

@readyplayerhobi **NEW

Honestly all of their fics are worth a read because they flawlessly combine story building with any kind of genre you can think of. Some are smutty, some of fluffy and some are just downright angsty but you just want to read them all regardless!

@yminie **NEW

Series: Nine-One-One (Detective!Jimin x First Responder! Reader) fluff, angst, romance, old flame au, future smut, and other mature themes!

This is thrilling! In both romantic and story aspects! The base story line is that there’s a serial murderer on the loose who’s been stalking reader and Jimin and his team are on the case about it. They’ve both got romantic history with each other and as old feelings resurfaces, so does the situation as things hit a little too close to home. Obviously with serial murderers involved, there is mentions of death, suicide and well...the warnings there!

A03 Fics

*will be pretty rare on this list; am I the only one who finds it super hard to find good fics on there?

Author: kimtrain

I swear they had a tumblr before since that’s the only reason why I remember them and their fics. Thankfully they’re all there still and all of them are 👌👌👌 Mermaid!Hoseok AU and the Hybrid!AU are my faves.

Fic: Warm Blood by ARMY_BRAT

The one instance where my weakness for supernatural AUs + wanting to read something paid off. MC is an ARMY but also a grim reaper so what happens when BTS shows up on her list, destined to die? Well, she says NOT TODAY but that just throws EVERYTHING out of the loop, leaving her to fix it.

Went into it with a grain of salt (ngl description was...ehh) BUT was pleasantly surprised! Digging the writing style which made MC really likeable so far and the AU strongly reminds me of Goblin: The Lonely God but focusing more on the grim reaper side of things which, personally, I was WAY more interested in even with the drama so yay! :D Glad someone took inspiration from it. Still ongoing and fairly new so dsfajdkas

Fic: Three Pints Full by Valkook **NEW

Woah it’s a vampire/supernatural fic! A little on the mature side because there’s well...blood...a little bit of death mentioned...and smut... BUT a really compelling story! Set mainly as a Cop/Detective! Reader who’s been assigned to solving some mysterious deaths/murders happening in the wild parts Montana joined in with appearances by Hunter/Tracker!Yoongi, Partner!Hoseok and Vampire!Jimin, Jungkook and more!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Could you possibly do a coldflashwave fic with fem Barry please :) possibly featuring over protective Joe.

Also featuring extremely drunk!Barry.

Ao3 link

—–

“You’re incredibly hot,” Barry tells Snart, just to see what happens.

“Actually, that’s my partner,” he replies automatically, then stops and turns to stare disbelievingly at her.

Barry is grinning. Okay, maybe flushing a bit, but whatever. He’d still totally gone for the pun, just like she’d thought he would. He is such a dweeb.

“You’re very hot too,” she tells Heatwave, who was sitting next to Snart and who had turned to stare at her. “I don’t want you to feel left out. I’m very equal opportunity.” She sighs. “Not equal opportunity enough, in the last few months. I mean, the equal is still there, but the opportunities are seriously lacking…”

“Um,” Snart says.

Heatwave eyes his partner. “Not like you to be discombobulated by a pretty girl,” he teases. “Last time that happened, it was –” he pauses, then eyes her.

“Uh, Mick…” Snart starts.

“It doesn’t sound as nice to say someone is cool when you mean to say they’re hot,” Barry muses, noticing absently that she was swaying gently from side to side. “It’s, like, totally different meanings. How do you guys keep it straight?” She snickers. “Or not straight. Are you guys straight? You don’t seem straight. Is that rude to say?”

“Wait. Is this her?!” Heatwave says.

“I don’t suppose you’ve ever heard of discretion?” Snart asks Barry with a sigh.

“Her?!” Heatwave says again.

“I think,” Barry says, quite cheerfully, “that I may be drunk.”

“You think?” Snart says, eyebrows arching.

“Caitlin came up with a serum to deal with the metabolism issue,” Barry whispers, because it’s a Secret. The Flash thing. Very secret. Unfortunately, the whisper comes out rather loud, but she’s sure that’s just her imagination.

Snart makes a face like he’s developing a headache.

Maybe not just her imagination.

“Was there a memo?” Heatwave asks Snart. “Does everyone but me know now?”

“I’m fairly sure it’s still not supposed to be public,” Snart replies.

Barry shakes her head. “You’re not making sense,” she pouts. “And you’re ignoring me. Next thing I know, you’re running off to Starling to be Mr. Perfect Superhero Oliver’s supervillains instead.”

“Is Oliver -” Heatwave starts.

“Let’s just stop while we’re ahead, Mick,” Snart says, looking pained.

Barry looks between them suspiciously. They’re clearly up to something. They always are. And it’s up to her to stop them, because she’s the Flash and that means she has to do this again and again and again no matter how much she’d like to just have a day off and the only thing that makes this fun anymore are the occasional battles with the interesting ones that don’t really hurt people, the way Snart and Heatwave have stopped doing -

Her eyes drop to the duffle bags at their feet.

“Uh,” Snart says, following her gaze with his own. “it’s not what you think -”

“You’re planning on leaving!” she exclaims.

“Well, yeah,” Heatwave says.

“You can’t leave me!”

“It’s just –” Snart stops.

“No, you can’t!” Barry says, feeling her eyes start to get wet. She always got weepy when she was drunk, at least when she wasn’t in the happy and touchy-feely stage. “You can’t leave! You’re my favorite supervillains! You can’t; everybody leaves me, at least my supervillains should have to stay!”

“I feel this conversation has rapidly derailed somewhere along the line,” Snart says.

“Why are you leaving me?” Barry asks, feeling her lip quiver. “Was I not a good enough hero?”

“You’re a very good hero,” Heatwave says uncomfortably. “Very good. Best arrest I’ve ever had, really. Minus Alexa, but that doesn’t count.”

“Everyone always leaves,” Barry says mournfully. “My dad finally gets out of prison and now he’s off on a journey to ‘find himself’, and my mom is dead and Joe has a brand new son now and I have to be nice because otherwise he’ll be jealous of me, god knows why, because Joe is just so into having a son at last – he gave him, like, a special watch his dad gave to him, ‘cause he’s always wanted to give that to his son – and now even Iris is going off to have some personal time to reflect for a while, and I get that, I really do, but it still sucks, and Cisco and Caitlin are, like, great, but I did kind of just meet them a few months ago and –”

“The contents of the duffle bags is money,” Snart says, sounding oddly desperate. “We just robbed a bank. The only reason we’re leaving is because we need to wait out the heat. We’ll be right back as soon as the current investigation passes over.”

“Did you literally just tell her that?” Heatwave asks incredulously.

“She’s about to cry,” Snart hisses.

Barry was totally not about to cry.

“You mean it?” she asks, blinking a little because her eyes are stupid wet for some reason. Drinking. Caitlin’s serum. All entirely legitimate reasons that are not crying. “You’re not leaving me?”

“You know what you need?” Heatwave says abruptly.

Barry and Snart both look at him.

Heatwave offers her his bottle of tequila. Barry snatches it.

“No!” Snart exclaims.

Barry takes a swig.

“You’re very nice, Heatwave,” she tells Heatwave. “Or, you know, cool. This seems like an appropriate place to say ‘cool’ even though you’re Heatwave.”

“Call me Mick,” Heatwave says. “We’re clearly there in our relationship, even if I didn’t know we had one before today.”

“Thanks, Mick,” Barry says brightly, then looks at Snart. “Why haven’t you invited me to use your name?” she asks accusingly.

“Because I hate it?” Snart says, sounding vaguely helpless. “Also, we’re enemies? Am I the only one who remembers this?”

“We’re the best enemies,” Barry assures him, but it doesn’t seem to help much.

“I’m taking her home,” Snart says to Mick.

“Good idea,” Mick replies, eyeing the way Barry is taking gulps from the bottle.

Barry clutches at the bottle. “Mr. Tequila is coming with us,” she says warningly.

“I’d never get between a girl and her tequila,” Snart promises.

Somehow, between the two of them, they get her and the duffle bags into a nice car – it might even be theirs, because Mick uses a key instead of hotwiring it, and just thinking about it makes Barry giggle and tell Mick all about how funny it is that he knows how to hotwire cars, because he’s Heatwave, which Snart finds funny but just makes Mick groan – and drive her back to Joe’s place.

Snart peels Barry out of the backseat. “I’ll be right back,” he says to Mick. “Keep the engine running in case we need to make a quick exit.”

“You’re going to a cop’s house,” Mick says. “I’ll keep my foot on the pedal.”

Snart sighs and nods, and he helps Barry walk to the door.

Well, to be honest, he’s kind of carrying her. The extra tequila totally put Barry back on into the touchy-feely stage, and she’s currently trying to see if she can octopus her arms around Snart enough to convince him he should actually carry her, because walking just seems like such a pain, you know?

Also, Snart has such nice arms. Not, like, as nice as Mick’s, but that’s because Mick is basically ridiculous hot. Snart’s got the face, but Mick’s got those arms. And shoulders. And that adorable little belly that she spent five minutes in the car petting while his eye started twitching and Snart sounded like he was choking and/or trying not to laugh.

Snart seems to be considering just picking her up, but then they get to the door.

Boo, door.

He rings the doorbell.

After a few minutes, Joe opens it.

“Think I found something that belongs to–” Snart starts.

“What the hell have you done to my daughter?!” Joe roars.

“Uh,” Snart says. His eyes have gone wide. He has very pretty eyes.

Barry steps on her tip-toes and nuzzles his neck with her face.

“If you’ve touched a single hair on her head, by god, I am going to –”

Snart starts to back away.

Joe goes for his service weapon.

“Shit,” Snart says, and he turns to start running, except Barry’s still holding onto him and refusing to be peeled off, so he just picks her up and dashes to where Mick’s car has just burst onto the lawn, Mick flinging the door open and spinning the car so that Snart can dive in, Barry still in his arms, and then they’re off.

That was so cool.

Like, not as speedy as she could do it, but they totally made it into the car and down the street in under a minute.

“You brought her with you?!” Mick asks Snart.

“She wouldn’t let go!”

“What are we going to do with her?”

“I don’t know!”

“You’re the planner!”

“Yes! Emphasis on plan! This was not part of the plan!”

“You should embrace spontaneity more,” Barry tells Snart.

Mick cackles. “Yeah, Len. Embrace spontaneity.”

Snart – Len? Mick called him Len, Barry could totally call him Len – shuts his eyes like he has a headache.

Good thing Mick’s driving.

“Okay,” he says finally. “We’ll take her home and let her sober up there.”

“Whose home, exactly?” Mick asks, looking amused. At some point he’d moved from being upset to being amused. “We just vacated our safehouse, and if we take her there, we won’t be able to go back.”

Len grits his teeth. “We’ll go to the one on Murphy street,” he says. “No, wait – first to the warehouse on Highwood, because we need to strip her –”

“I’m okay with that,” Barry volunteers. “I’ve always wanted to be stripped by two attractive men.”

“Please stop talking, Barry,” Len says. Then, to Mick, “If she’s wearing the outfit under her clothing, it might have bugs, trackers, that sort of thing.”

“I usually just run back to Star Labs to change,” Barry says.

“That seems really inefficient,” Mick observes.

“I’m really fast,” Barry objects.

“Still, inefficient. Maybe store it in places around the city for pick-up?”

“Given your popularity, you could probably just offer it to various restaurants and bars and they’d make it a tourist attraction,” Len says. “Here’s a box with a Flash costume – you never know, she could be by at any time –”

“You’re the best supervillains,” Barry says happily. “I wouldn’t want to be stripped by anyone else.” She pauses and think about it. “Unless we’re counting, like, celebrities. Are we counting celebrities?”

“We are celebrities,” Len says. “I have an action figure. Listen, we could just drop you off somewhere?”

“I think I prefer the stripping plan,” Barry says.

“Me, too,” Mick says, rumbling a bit. He sounds very sexy when he does that.

“No, Mick.”

“I didn’t mean it. Just, you know, once she’s sober, if she’s still up for it…”

“We can ask then,” Len says firmly. “For the time being, we’ll just – shit, is West following us?”

Barry cranes her head around.

“Yup,” she says.

“He’s insane,” Len says.

“Nah, just overprotective,” Barry says.

“Fuck this city,” Mick says. “Seriously. Fuck this city.”

“Hey!” both Barry and Len say.

“No,” Mick says. “This time I’m right and you – both of you – are wrong. This wouldn’t happen anywhere else.”

“…probably not,” Len says, glancing at Barry and finally giving into the smile that’s been hiding behind his lips for the last half hour. “Yeah. Probably not.”

“Gooooooo, Central City!” Barry shouts.

[thesteadydietofeverything]

Video Game Year in Review: Remakes, Remasters, and Re-releases

I’ve never made a list of remakes, remasters, and re-releases before, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever played so many in a single year to even be able to. 2018 was a particularly busy year in this end of video game releases, nearly exclusively due to the Nintendo Switch. Now in its second year, the Switch may have been light on brand new first party titles, but the rush of seemingly every developer to get new and old games alike on the portable console came into full swing. “When’s that game coming to Switch?” has turned into a question that could be reasonably applied to...just about every game, but perhaps no more so than great Nintendo games originally released on their previous, unsuccessful console, the Wii U. These games enjoyed a second life in 2018, with many, including myself, playing 2014 games that we never got to as if they’re brand new. Switch re-releases don’t account for every game on this list, but they are a very clear majority...

5. Bayonetta (Switch remaster) - This is the one game on this list that I actually didn’t like. But I tried. Like it’s spiritual cousin, Devil May Cry, Bayonetta is a game that makes you feel shitty for not being good at it. I consistently got low grades on my combat performance, but didn’t feel like the game was offering any particularly helpful guidance in how to improve. It just kept pushing me forward, with dwindling currency, supplies, and patience, all the while just being a bit of a dick to me. If I found gameplay to be more fun, maybe I also would have been more willing to be entertained by its puerile, edgy aesthetic, but as it was, that just became another thing to grate on my nerves. If there’s one thing I gained from this game, it’s the assurance that not every popular game from the late 2000’s that I missed out on while I was barely playing video games is worth catching up on.

4. Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze (Switch re-release) - The Donkey Kong Country games have always eluded me. I never had a SNES, so I couldn’t quite get into the bizarre proto-3D graphics of the originals once I finally checked them out. Tropical Freeze is the game that finally proved to me why people love these games so much. Donkey Kong is an unusual platforming star - his hulking frame gives him a slightly out of control momentum that is off putting until it’s suddenly satisfying, and that moment within the first couple hours of play where how to control him suddenly clicked was the start of two weeks of compulsively playing this game to completion during my summer break.

3. Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker (Switch re-release) - What a unique game. A puzzle platformer whose main mechanic sometimes feels like your player character’s lack of an ability to jump. With a perfectly minimalistic mobility design ethos, this delightful experiment encourages you to explore the little 3D dioramas that make up its levels to completion. I’ve been obsessively mining each of them for all they’ve got before moving on to the next one, and it’s slow going - I’ve still probably got about ⅔ left of the game to go. But the thought of it is actually making look forward to my upcoming, otherwise painfully long flight to Japan, because absorbing myself in this seems like the perfect way to make hours go by without notice.

2. Dark Souls: Remastered - Before this remaster, I had played brief moments of the original Dark Souls on a friend’s PS3. Really, though, Bloodborne is where I fell in love with Souls-style games, and last year I obsessed over the excellent, overlooked Nioh. Finally coming to this game after more recent games in its style was a mixed experience for me. Obviously, the rather plain, blocky textures of the last generation are already aging quickly, but the game still has enough style and atmosphere that I wasn’t particularly bothered by that aspect of it. The combat, however, felt...bland. I know, I know, this game and its predecessor, Demon’s Souls, are praised for revolutionizing action RPG combat, with their tight controls and deliberate moves. If it weren’t for this game, the combat I love in Bloodborne and Nioh wouldn’t exist. But having put so many dozens of hours into Nioh, a game with combo attack strings and multiple stances, made the switch back to a game where each weapon basically only has two attacks, feel just kinda elementary. Not easy, mind you - despite my experience with this style, I still found this game to be welcomingly challenging, but performing the same moves over and over again just wore thin.

Nevertheless, this game has something that no game inspired by it has quite been able to replicate, or even, seemingly, really tried to, and that’s the incredible, interlocking level design. Yeah, Dark Souls 3 and especially Bloodborne obviously pull some similar magic tricks in connecting separate sections together, but regardless, feel like fairly linear games. Firelink Shrine in this game has three separate directions you can head in to start with, and the paths just keep branching from there. This game puts remarkable trust in the player in her ability and desire to explore, experiment, and undoubtedly die many times before finding the path of least resistance (because even that path offers plenty of resistance). This is the aspect of Dark Souls that kept me going. Not only has it not aged a day, it’s almost even more impressive in retrospect, a lightning-in-a-bottle kind of  flash of creative genius.

1. Yakuza Kiwami 2 - Last year’s Yakuza 0 was my first Yakuza game, and this year’s Yakuza Kiwami 2 was my fourth. As you might have guessed, I’ve fallen very, very hard for this series. For those not familiar, Kiwami 2 is a remake of Yakuza 2, originally on PS2, just as last year’s Yakuza Kiwami was a remake of the original game. While that game used 0’s engine, which was made for PS3 originally, Kiwami 2 uses the brand new, very pretty engine used for Yakuza 6: The Song of Life, which was released earlier this year. This game recreates just about everything in the original game, and adds a hell of a lot more. This feels so much like a brand new game to me that I considered just putting in on my main top 10, and honestly, the reason that I didn’t had less to do with the fear of breaking any non-existent rules about what qualifies for a year-end list, and more to do with the fact that The Song of Life was already on there, and I just wanted more space to talk about how much I love the shit out of Yakuza.

This game improves on Kiwami in just about every aspect. The main story is a lot more compelling, and it’s obvious that Yakuza 2 is tonally where this series really came into its own, with its so-serious-it’s-actually-kinda-funny Japanese gangster soap opera, mixed with deliberately silly as hell sub stories. In particular, there are two very deep and expansive side stories built around mini-games added to this game: the cabaret club management game borrowed and modified from 0 and the Majima construction clan battles borrowed and modified from The Song of Life. While I appreciated these in those respective games, something about the execution in this game just got me absolutely obsessed. Kiryu’s roll that he fits into with the misfit hostesses of the cabaret club and their scrappy underdog story is my happy place. The older professional wrestlers that play the mumbly, grumpy businessmen/fighters in the clan battle mini-game led to a couple of scenes that had me gleefully cackling out loud. Starting this game out, I had arguably already spent more than enough time playing Yakuza games over the last couple years, but it’s a testament to just how endearing this game is that after 40 or so hours of play, if Kiwami 3 were to suddenly be surprise announced and released, I would have been happy to jump straight into it.

[metaphorical-dragons]

fixing star wars episode viii

I am aware this is maybe article number 1 million and ten written over the past 8 months on this film. We’ve had articles praising it and articles critiquing it and articles accusing a haircut of having a secret Illuminati agenda.  But I think I can offer a perspective that is severely under-represented online.  So here goes.

Star Wars Episode VIII:  The Last Jedi is not a perfect film.  This is true.  However, it’s also true of literally any film released since the Lumière brothers were the avant-garde face of cinema.  Apart from Sing Street.  Sing Street is a perfect movie go watch it.

However, it’s also true that Star Wars Episode VIII:  The Last Jedi is a good film.  In fact, it’s a thoroughly enjoyable, beautifully shot, emotionally resonant masterpiece.  And not just surface-level good – its brilliance runs deep enough, thematically, that months after its release, I still feel like I have something new to bring to the table.

A quick disclaimer.  I’m not going to address the fact that many people do not share my unabashed, unending love for this film.  There are plenty of people, much smarter than me, already fighting that battle.  See Shaun’s YouTube video ‘Why I love the Last Jedi’ on the topic.  What follows is my take, pure and simple, on the changes I think could have helped the movie.

OK, prepare to jump to light speed.

Point of contention number one – the political situation in the Galaxy.  I have so many questions, and yes, maybe they are answered in Wookiepedia articles, but honestly I prefer to soak in my Star Wars through my eyes and my ears and my heart and not through my brain.  How long were the New Republic in power?  What did they control?  What was their relationship to the Resistance?  How was the First Order formed?  What do they control?  These are questions that, in all honesty, should have been answered in The Force Awakens (TFA), before we lost one of these three major players.  But that doesn’t let The Last Jedi (TLJ) off the hook.

We know why, of course. It’s because one of the lessons Lucasfilm has taken from the fan reaction to the prequel series is that the people are simply uninterested in the politics, at least insomuch as it relates to the Skywalker Saga.   Maybe true, probably not.  As usual, Hollywood has decided to blame the plot elements of the movie instead of admitting that, well, they may have made a bad movie.  But at least a basic grounding in the state of things is vital to understanding the plot of these films, which, after all, are at least superficially about an ideological conflict on a galactic scale.

And really, there is no excuse when every single film opens with a huge block of text perfect for getting exposition out of the way.  So our easy fix here is modifying the opening crawl of TFA, which hopefully should free both films from the lingering confusion.

 Done, dusted and onto issue number two – the pacing.  With a running time of 151 minutes, it’s a testament to Rian Johnson’s engaging screenplay that at no point in the film do those minutes seem to drag by.  And he had a harder job than JJ Abrams – it is one job to keep things tight in a rip-rolling adventure romp, where as soon as one scene finishes, it’s a wipe transition into another action set-piece. Quite another in a film that allows slightly more breathing space for contemplation and internal conflict.  TFA is a boisterous, excitable 11 year old of a movie, whereas TLJ is a more broody, introspective, but also more mature teenager.

That being said, if ever you were tempted to check your watch or stretch your legs or bake a pavlova or finish your dissertation on the economics of llama farming, I would wager you would take the opportunity at around the 54 minute mark – the first appearance of Canto Bight into the B-plot of the movie.

The entire B-plot of the film is based around the contrivance of a game of cat and mouse between two enemy starships.  Except this chase takes place over 18 hours.  Which makes it difficult to develop a sense of urgency when the occupants literally have time to watch all of the Lord of the Rings Extended Editions and make a good start on the Hobbit.  If we can’t rely on urgency – we at least need inevitability.  But sending characters on a side-mission to another planet really undercuts any tension and claustrophobia that has painstakingly been established here.  

What I propose here is not quite as radical as your imagining.  We are keeping many elements of this much maligned plot-tangent exactly the same.  Instead, our fix is simply to make this the opening scene:

The mission is Resistance-mandated:  free DJ from jail.  There is no misdirect here – DJ is the code-breaker.  It doesn’t really matter why he is necessary – maybe to sell weapons or ships, maybe for his knowledge of the First Order technology.  In any case, Poe and Finn, who are tasked with this mission, don’t really need to know that.  Poe is under instruction to retrieve DJ, then drop Finn off to go and look for Rey. Unfortunately, this last part doesn’t play out – Poe receives a distress call so they have to return immediately to the Resistance fleet.  The First Order has tracked them through light-speed and they are under attack. Cue the original opening sequence.

Allow me to fight my corner:

1 All necessary set-up can be provided in the opening crawl.  Which gets rid of the un-necessary and frankly un-nerving Maz Kanata cameo.

2 This gives the opportunity to send Poe with Finn, instead of Rose.  A favourite pairing from TFA gets more screen time together.  Seeing as Rey doesn’t meet Poe until literally the end of this film, it is important that the other two sides of the triangle formed with our original characters are strong by the end of TLJ.

3 This gives the chance to strengthen Finn’s character arc.  This way, his growth from sceptic to revolutionary is pulled into focus. Despite the injustices he witnesses on Canto Bight, he follows DJ’s advice of impartiality and tries to abandon ship.  Enter Rose.

4 The fact that DJ works for both sides can play as a reveal to Poe, so he is surprised when he realises Holdo is already aware of this.  This gives Poe more reason to be distrustful of Holdo.

5 It is important thematically that Rey, Poe, Finn and Rose are all given roughly equal heroic treatment. However, in the current situation, Rey is veering uncomfortably close to becoming a ‘chosen one’.   This streamlined B-plot helps to slightly redress the imbalance.

And finally – issue number three – Rose.  Not Rose as in her character – she is set up to introduce an interesting dynamic to our leads.  Not Rose as in Kelly Marie Tran’s performance - she brings energy and warmth and spunk to every scene she is in and I will not hear a word against her goddamn it. Instead, the problem lies in how Rose is treated within the screenplay.  She has plenty to do, but most is inconsequential, and the rest is poorly executed.  This is where I would recommend the biggest changes.

Rose is a lover, not a fighter.  And by lover I of course mean mechanic.  Give her a chance to utilise her skills.  Obviously, if everything had gone to plan she would have disabled the light-speed tracker. But it didn’t and she doesn’t. There needs to be another opportunity for Rose to display her talents.  My personal suggestion?  See those speeder things?  This planet was abandoned.  I’m very doubtful those speeders were in battle ready condition when the Resistance arrived.  Give Rose a quick montage of turning a whole heap of junk into a somewhat driveable speeder.

And then don’t make her drive one!  Let’s have some diversity in our leads!  Not like racial diversity, although that’s also a bonus.  No, I’m talking diversity in character traits.  And it is there already, I just think there would be stronger differentiation if we give Rose more of a behind-the-scenes role vis-à-vis action scenes.

What about knock-on consequences I hear you cry?  What would happen to Finn?  It doesn’t really matter – any old plot contrivance.  Have the Falcon reappear and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way. Have one of the ATATs actually aim on target and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way.  Have a giant teleporting Wookie materialise and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way.  Pick any of the above, or all of them, I literally do not care.

As a side note, I think this could also help streamline the overall thematic texture of the film.  We are definitely being sent mixed messages regarding the ethics of personal sacrifice for a military cause.  Paige’s sacrifice is brave and good.  Holdo’s sacrifice is brave and good.  Finn’s sacrifice is brave but stupid.  And that subtext is largely down to one line. ‘That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate but saving what we love.’  Yes, I know that this is Rose talking and her views on the matter have likely been strongly influenced by the death of her sister in a very similar situation at the start of the film and this line was likely not meant to be interpreted as a mission statement.  But it still reads like that because of the language of the film-making.  Everything about this scene – the swelling score and the fiery back-lighting and the intense close-up is telling the audience that this line is of critical importance.

If Finn has to make his way back to the base before reuniting with Rose, there’s a beat in the screenplay which ensures Finn’s heroism is not undercut. Rose still gets the character depth coming from that line-reading.  And the viewer gets to understand that this is a statement coming from a character and not the screenplay itself.  Hell, she can even kiss Finn if that’s what the screen-writers want and I wouldn’t complain.

And there we have it - that is as much as I am prepared to dump on The Last Jedi.  Although I sincerely believe these few changes could transform The Last Jedi into a pretty-much flawless film, we all have to remember that the film has already been released and established in the canon, and barring a George Lucas-esque rework, it will remain that way.  This is Rian Johnson’s film, through and through, and in my humble opinion it is a masterpiece.  It is much, much easier to come up with a couple fix-all solutions after the fact (and even easier 8 months after) than to write an entire script from scratch.

That being said, please hire me Disney 😊

[trendingnewsb]

6 Signs That Disney Is Trying To Take Over The World

Proven fact: About 40 percent of all your happy memories have been brought to you by the Walt Disney Company. With almost a century’s worth of wholesome entertainment, Disney has become one of the most powerful — and more importantly, most beloved — brands in existence. But behind the happy Technicolor facade, the Mouse is cooking up megalomaniac schemes even their own copyrighted supervillains would admire. Between constantly developing invasive technologies, assimilating competitors, and squashing governments like Jiminy Crickets, soon Disney will rule all media with a white-gloved iron fist. The Micktatorship is coming, and it might not be as magical as we’d like.

6

They Won’t Stop Spying On Your Children

As surprising as it is to adults who still wear Minnie Mouse sweaters, Disney’s target market remains to be children. Kids are the most prized commercial demographic of them all, embodying the holy marketing trinity of being impulsive, easily manipulated, and clumsy. That’s why we’ve created additional protections, laws, and regulations that specify that kids can’t receive the same invasive spying us adults are subjected to. But the petty laws of man have no sway over the House of Mouse, which is constantly being accused of illegally and aggressively mining minor’s private information like it’s booger-covered gold.

Disney.wikia.comThe name is cute. Less cute is the fact that they probably know Hannah’s Social Security number, too.

Read Next

6 Insane Law Enforcement Stories (That Are 100 Percent True)

In the past, Disney used illegal internet trackers called “zombie cookies,” so called because they keep following you everywhere, pop back up after being destroyed, and we were collectively bored of them by the early 2010s. It did so through a widget company called Clearspring Technologies, which clearly picked its name based on how good it would sound during Senate hearings. At the request of their clients, Clearspring stalked children’s internet surfing and harvested “viewing habits, gender, age, race, education level, geographic location, sexual preference, what the users like to read, home address, phone number, health condition, and more,” which is enough info to make Disney more on the ball than an uncomfortable percentage of actual parents.

Then, in 2017, Disney itself got sued when it was discovered that 42 of their most popular apps targeted at children were in clear violation of the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA), containing malicious trackers which Disney used to sell private info to advertisers. Disney countered by saying they “look forward” to going to court, as “the complaint is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of COPPA principles” — the misunderstanding being that they think Disney gives a fuck about COPPA or principles.

Linda72/PixabayThey dont maintain a pool of voters to not get their way.

But why limit yourself to stalking kids on the internet when technology now allows you to physically track children around like they’re wayward house cats? In 2013, Disney introduced the MyMagic+ band to Disney World Orlando — a colorful microchipped wristband that serves as a visitor’s ticket, room key, and even digital wallet. Not only that, but the bands also allow the visitors to have a much more personalized interaction with the park, as they can recommend rides with short queues, tell Goofy it’s your birthday, and let you know which princesses have the fewest divorced dads circling them. And while children might be blown away by the kind of magic that lets the animatronic seagull from The Little Mermaid address them by name, that’s only because Disney is constantly slurping up all the information that the band collects, mostly without parental permission.

Though the bands were a massive success, Disney has chosen not to expand the trackers to their other resorts, acknowledging that the tech is a bit outdated. Instead, the company is experimenting with smartphone apps, which can achieve everything the tracking band does. And smartphones stay in kid’s pockets long after they’ve left a park. Speaking of which …

5

Their Theme Parks Are Practically Running The Cities Around Them

In order to keep on the right side of the law (but the wrong side of morality), Disney has obtained a lot more political sway than you might expect from a cartoon kingdom. But Disney also has real little kingdoms dotted all over the world: its resorts. And with these fiefdoms come the usual politics, like war, corruption, and the occasional peasant uprising.

The two great hospitality monoliths in the U.S. are a) casinos and b) Disney resorts. And the Mouse despises gambling, as it goes against the Disney values of having adults spend all their money and free time on taking their kids to see Moana for the 17th time. The company won’t even allow casinos on its ships, despite gambling being the most popular cruise pastime besides contracting gonorrhea.

Disney Cruise LineUntil Goofy learns to run a craps table, I want no part of this.

So how does Disney fight this greedy industry of empty pockets and jumbo shrimps? By being the champion of the people, of course. In 2017, Disney spent $650,000 lobbying to change the Florida constitution. If successful, Floridians would have to go vote on whether they approve of any new casinos being built in the state. A victory for democracy, surely, allowing the people to decide how far they want to live from a row of soiled slot stools.

But Disney isn’t interested in getting its locals the rights to vote; it wants to control exactly when, how, and what they can vote on. Only a year prior, Disney was exposed for aggressively lobbying to prevent Floridians from being able to vote on a healthcare measure that would cost the corporation money. And during the 2012 election, the corporation spent $2.5 million on getting right-wing politicians in power, many of whom were anti-casino and all of whom were pro-Disney-tax-cuts. The result? An amazing drop in crime … only around Disney resorts, with a slight increase everywhere else, as cops are busy arresting teens for smoking pot near Space Mountain instead of investigating gun violence. At this point, Disney essentially owns Central Florida like it’s the only steel mill in town. It even boasts being responsible for getting 1 out of every 50 Floridians a job — mostly in local government, it seems.

Florida Development CommissionAnd more importantly, Florida welcomes their money …”

On the other coast, Anaheim, California — locally referred to as “Disneyheim” — suffers from the same overlord issues. Disneyland is nestled inside Anaheim Resort District, its own little perfectly landscaped utopia … paid for mostly by the city itself. Since settling there, Disney has managed to finagle over a billion dollars in tax exemptions, subsidies, and other incentives by bribing city officials — or as they called it after the ’70s, donations and “personal friendships.” That’s a billion dollars Anaheim couldn’t spend on its citizens, who are suffering from a serious crime and homelessness epidemic among those not lucky enough to live in the shadow of the giant mouse ears.

But the times are a-changing. During the 2016 election, the people of Anaheim backed a decidedly anti-Disney council majority, which has already dealt the corporation a few heavy blows, like blocking a $300 million proposal for the city to build a streetcar network which would mostly make it easier to bus tourists to Disneyland. Soon, Disney might have to start actually paying for their own boondoggles. Which reminds us …

4

Disney Will Invest Billions In Things Nobody Cares About

Did you know that Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been having terrible ratings? Since its first episode, the weird superhero-adjacent TV show has only been able to hang on to one-sixth of its viewership. So despite a generally well-received fourth season, ABC decided to cancel the money pit. That was a decision Disney, which owns ABC (of course), respectfully disagreed with, forcing the network to keep losing money on its mediocre Marvel property. There isn’t a clear-cut reason Disney would pull rank on a failing TV show. It can’t be the money, because Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. isn’t making any. That’s what Star Wars spinoffs are for.

Marvel TelevisionPictured: The Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. cast … probably. Were trusting Google on this one.

But it’s important to remember that Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is the only Marvel show on terrestrial TV that Disney owns (all the others are Fox’s, and more on that later). Therefore, it’s the only thing keeping the franchise warm for your Netflix-illiterate mom and dad in the 2.5 weeks between new Marvel movies. To that effect, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is less a show than a really expensive advertisement, or a disease vector keeping Marvel Fever’s nerd mortality rate at its peak.

But propping up a dying series for the hell of it is nothing compared to the financial sinkhole that is Pandora — The World Of Avatar. Based on a very profitable movie people forgot existed five minutes after leaving theaters, Disney spent five years and half a billion dollars making a boring blue planet come to life. Of course, this was under the assumption that Avatar would still be relevant today, before James Cameron postponed the sequels by a decade and Disney realized that half of its visitors wouldn’t have been alive yet to be disappointed by the first movie. So the finished product was less an Avatar cash-in and more a generic weird alien jungle. Disney even decided not to include any of the movie’s memorable cast, like Retired Guile, Snagglepuss Smurfette, or Man.

20th Century FoxAt least they didnt try to adapt this into the worlds creepiest FastPass.

When Pandora finally opened in May 2017, early reviews were great, but the novelty is quickly wearing off. Yet despite the public responding with a resounding “meh,” Disney greenlit the construction of two additional attractions and a themed restaurant in the area. Because it doesn’t matter what we think. Pandora Land is happening because Disney wants it to happen. Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is staying because Disney wants it to stay. You will think what Disney lets you think. You will go where Disney lets you go. And you will only know the sweet freedom of death when Disney lets you die. Which will happen only after you visit Pandora. Now only $99 for a one-day pass.

3

Disney’s Video Game Division Was A Tornado Of Hubris

While it might seem that Disney can make anything happen (which sounded a lot less ominous a few paragraphs ago), it does have one white whale it’s failed to spear: video games. After years of letting others profit from its licenses, in 2007, Disney finally decided to cut out the middleman and start up its own game company. To that end, it started snatching up developers like they were part of a Steam sale, expecting to simply ride into the industry on a wave of talent and money. There was only one issue: Disney don’t game.

Virgin Interactive EntertainmentAs anyone who broke a controller over their video games can angrily attest.

When it comes to generating massive profits from movies, TV, theme parks, or toys, Disney has turned itself into such a fine-tuned predictor that it might as well be staffed by precogs. But they didn’t have the same auto-success formula when it came to video games, which meant they would have to take a few risks — a word that hadn’t been uttered at Disney since they recklessly decided to start making movies in color. To make things even more complicated for their developers, they mixed their hesitation with their tradition of being difficult to please, disregarding the fact that they were now just jerking themselves off and couldn’t settle on which hand to use.

As a result, Disney had set their new branch up to fail. They bought gaming studios known for making innovation-heavy indie darlings and had them make family friendly puzzlers, then switch mid-development to mobile games, then to free-to-play, stopping short of telling them to develop new IPs for the burgeoning cup-and-ball platform.

Square EnixSpoilers for the next Kingdom Hearts game.

After a string of flops and even more cancellations, Disney did the only natural thing a company with billions in profits, a talented group of developers, and all the time in the world to get it right can do: They shut it all down. By 2016, Disney had sunk all the companies it had bought. It even shuttered LucasArts, firing everyone and just keeping the name (because it meant something before Disney got its hands on it). It went back to selling its licenses to real game companies, so they at least stand a chance of making a decent game and the corporation can go back to bossing them around without any risk.

Which brings us to our next scheme …

2

Disney Is Using Star Wars To Extort The Media

Were you looking forward to The Last Jedi? Did you book the tickets months in advance? Did you flood your Facebook feed with Finn/Poe ship memes? Are you going to see it twice? Thrice? You’re in the theater right now, aren’t you? Well, good news! Disney noticed your love and devotion to Star Wars, and decided to use it to bully movie theaters and journalists into doing their bidding. Who ever said fandom doesn’t have power?

Because of Star Wars‘ unparalleled popularity and rabid fandom, Disney realized it could get the most out of its franchise by holding it ransom. For the privilege of screening The Last Jedi, Disney handed movie theaters a strict list of demands as if it was waiting for the pizzas and helicopter to arrive. Among the most stringent were its demand that every theater fork over 65 percent of its ticket profits to Disney, the biggest cut theaters have ever seen. Venues also had to promise to show the movie for four weeks without interruption, or else be fined another 5 percent in “Pay us, we’re Disney” tax.

LucasfilmAt least they backed off the demands for themed soda fountains.

While a four-week mandate and a mobster-level taste of the action doesn’t deter anyplace with a couple of IMAX screens and backroom full of lightsaber-colored M&Ms to shill (they’re nothing but regular M&Ms with the brown ones picked out), such demands are ruinous for small-town theaters that only have a single screen. Many of them had no choice but to not screen The Last Jedi, as it would have to count on everyone and their cattle seeing the movie several times in a row to turn a profit. So if you had to leave your moisture farm and travel several parsecs to get some porg action, you know who to blame.

But movie theaters aren’t the only ones suffering from the tyrannical yoke of the Empire’s distributors. Disney also tried to use Star Wars to quiet dissent among the rabble-rousers, i.e. journalists. Remember Disney’s shady dealings with the city of Anaheim from two bathroom breaks ago? It was The LA Times that broke that story, running a whole series exposing Disney’s corruption. As a response, Disney decided to punish the paper by banning its reviewers from attending screenings of The Last Jedi. When confronted about this, Disney reps simply stated that they would not play nice with a paper which “showed a complete disregard for basic journalistic standards,” specifically the part that warns that snitches get stitches.

LucasfilmAnd you do not want to get shanked with one of these.

It took almost the whole of film journalism to temporarily grow a backbone and refuse to review the movie for Disney to back down from its petty tyranny. Because at this point, nothing less than a whole industry can still stand up against the Mouse. And Disney has found a way to fix that, too.

1

Disney Can’t Stop Buying Up Other Companies

Like bossy kindergartners wearing princess dresses, Disney tries to control everything: the press, entire cities, even our children. But that is nothing compared to the zeal with which the corporation is taking over all of the entertainment industry. In the last decade, Disney has already vacuumed up Pixar, Marvel, and Lucasfilm, creating a near monopoly on the concept of arrested development. And they might soon own that show too, as Disney is laying siege to its last remaining rival titan of pop culture: 21st Century Fox. Since 2017, Disney and Fox have engaged in on-again, off-again talks about one evil monolith being taken over the other evil monolith’s TV and movie departments, leaving Fox with only its two greatest tentpoles: sports bloopers and fearmongering.

Pixar… And with Pixar, theyve got a pretty strong foothold in that, too.

By absorbing Fox, Disney would obtain the last piece of a puzzle that looks like Goofy throwing a guy wearing a Wolverine shirt over a barrel, as 21st Century Fox owns literally every scrap of Marvel (X-Men and Fantastic Four) and Star Wars (A New Hope) that Disney hasn’t devoured already. Also, did we mention Fox owns Avatar and its upcoming sequels? We’re running seriously low on red string and thumbtacks over here.

ESPNAt least they dont control sports yet (except yes, of course they do).

While owning all of Marvel and Star Wars would do wonders for Bob Iger’s OCD, Fox has something a lot more valuable which Disney wants: TV shows. Buying Fox means getting their gloves on the entire back catalog of The Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, and more. With Fox and Pixar in its pocket, Disney would basically own most of Western animation, leaving anti-Disney people with few things to binge on besides South Park and old anime — otherwise known as a 4chan Friday night.

Studio GhibliExcept not all anime, because guess who distributes the good stuff.

And so we finally arrive at Disney’s next big step in entertainment world domination: streaming. As a business model, streaming relies on “nostalgia programming,” which is coincidentally also the term for how Disney brainwashed us into giving a crap about The Lion King, even though we haven’t seen the movie in 25 years. By 2019, Disney will have removed all of its content from Netflix so it can start its own streaming service. And between its half-dozen geek movie franchises, Fox’s TV shows, and its own century’s worth of content, it will without a doubt blow all the competition out of the water.

But this isn’t the only way Disney intends to burrow itself into the digital age. For years now, the corporation has been quietly dominating the under-12s internet with what is now called the Disney Digital Network, a string of Disney-only blogs that look like if China’s propaganda arm was run by BuzzFeed. Now it’s ready to go after the real internet prize: YouTube commenters. In 2014, it bought Maker Studios, which hosted a network of over 60,000 YouTube channels, including massively popular ones like Epic Rap Battles Of History. Disney then gutted and absorbed the studio into its new network, assimilating its 1,000 most worshiped streamers into the Disney brand, luring their massive Gen Z viewership to the Disney side of the internet like some weird reverse pedophile ring.

Which, if you’re keeping count, only leaves social media, surely a platform too chaotic and under-performing for Disney to bother with, right? Wrong. Disney has already shown a great interest in acquiring Twitter, the favorite social media app of comedians and Nazis. And the app has been struggling for a while now, and will most likely be sold off to the highest bidder. Which will be Disney. It will always be Disney. It’s only a matter of time before every moment you goof off at work, every minute you sit on the toilet scrolling through your phone, every weekend you waste binging on a show you’ve seen a million times before, you’ll get it in the face by the squiggly D.

There is no escape.

Cedric Voets really wished he’d gone on the teacup ride one last time before writing this article. You can find more of his commie ravings on Twitter.

We know you want a pair of those darn Mouse ears. Here’s a 12-pack.

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Everything You Need To Think After Watching Black Mirror: Season 4

By Keith Gatchel

You put off watching it until now. I did, too. In my case, I make it a point to watch the episodes in order, so I'm not tempted to skip one because I'm afraid of the concept. But, this season of Black Mirror seemed to benefit in that way, like an album, more so than previous ones. So, let's go through each episode, with the calm, cool academic composure fans of speculative fiction are known to keep. 

SPOILER ALERT!! EVERYONE DIES. BUT, BY THAT, I MEAN, WE ALL DO. IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. ALSO, THIS TO KEEP FROM SPOILING WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FOURTH SEASON OF BLACK MIRROR, WHICH I ASSUME YOU CONSIDERED FROM THE TITLE ABOVE. BUT, STILL, IN THE END, DEATH COMES FOR US ALL. SPOILER ALERT.

"USS Callister":

To start off, stand-up comedy, and specifically The Daily Show, helped me call out my own beliefs, with scalding hot comedy, that made me question why I had them in the first place. Having said that, USS Callister burns so damn hot that I love it. To keep it simple, I have enough in common with Robert Daly to relate to him (…to a degree) who’s probably also had him as a friend (but, none of you, of course…). I, too, thought the episode would be the usual "guy gets girl from jock" scenario, perhaps with a Back To The Future-like uppercut, or a riffing on it of some kind. But, instead, Daly turns into Billy Mumy in It's a Good Life and gets called out on his control issues. When it turns out the characters in the game were live-avatars (is that what we're calling them?), I was worried we'd get a retread of the "White Christmas" episode.

But, really, it just used a concept. That seems lazy at first. And, the more episodes Black Mirror has, the more it’ll tend to stretch their concepts. But, seeing as it's already an anthology show, and one that's earned its stripes, let's not ding it when other writers want to play with the toys, too. What sold it and brought out the originality was how lived-in the concept was: gameplaying aside, what else do people do with genetic-memory-scanners? Do people save their deceased souls in the cloud and talk to them? Can you save multiple copies of them to sell or hand out? Can police use this to interview murdered victims from the dead? Haven’t these all already been episodes?

But, specifically, how the episodes rifted on Star Trek until the end. I thought the “cloud of code” was a bit shoehorned in, but it worked. Also, making Cristin Milioti’s real-life counterpart steal the extra DNA needed an ending of some kind, too. The subplot was too good not leave out, but did it really have an end? Did she stay and watch Robert die? Can the live-avatars still contact her, or her them? Did anyone see her leave Robert’s place, seeing as how she’s the last one to see him alive? But, to wrap up, the nihilist in me loved the fact that victory for the little people in the computer was the sweet release of death (“I really hope we die”), and the Star Trek fan in me loved that they flew into a reboot (and finding Aaron Paul).

“Arkangel”:

Black Mirror has a tendency to ride some of their concepts too long in an episode, spending too much time establishing or reestablishing it. Usually at about the 15 minute to halfway point, you know what the story is and you just want to get it going. In this case, it felt like they kept starting different stories that just introduced new concepts: the girl goes missing, she gets a tracker implanted, she gets violence censored to her, her grandpa has a heart attack, but it’s not fatal, then it flashes forward to when he does pass away, and so on…

They’re all well-written scenes, but the story keeps stopping once a new concept is introduced to start on another. Plus, I’ve always thought Black Mirror’s idea of “blocking” people is weird, where you’d just see a hazy pixilation and muted sounds. Wouldn’t that also be terrifying, especially to a child? Can't they still hurt you? I like that the effects it had on the daughter once the parental blockers were removed, but I couldn’t tell how that really effected her as a teenager (angsty, yes, but not too much more than a normal teenager).

I also really liked the scenes of Rosemarie Dewitt looking through her daughter’s eyes, like Being John Malkovich, and I like everything she did here (and, just her in general). And, slipping contraception into a shake is plenty reason to get your face beaten in. But, much like “Shut Up And Dance”, that other episode where everything turns out to be a game show, and the one where the husband yells at his cheating wife for an hour, this one was well done, but needed to fill in a lot of gaps.

“Crocodile”:

The more I think about this episode, the more I find what I think it was trying to do, and then realize it didn’t do that. What the episode did right was start off on a great murder scene and subsequent disposal. I have a personal affinity to scenes where characters have to get rid of bodies, and it’s shown as realistically as possible. I’m going to assume I’ve just watched too many super-hero and action movies, where thugs and henchmen are thrown about, but I find it hilarious when the time, weight, and reality of cleaning up your own murder is depicted. Make it as boring and inconvenient as possible. I love it. Even once it became clear that the episode was going to be about a series of murders, I got into it.

And, I like a story where our protagonist spirals deeper and deeper into evil, or misfortune, and never gets out in the end. Or, I love stories where the killer gets away. Just the fact that it’s unexpected can be enjoyable. However, this never seemed to achieve it’s goals. It never really became a series of causes and effects, because there were too many coincidences with memory readers and pizza-vans (and a blind baby). It never really became a showcase for technology because it’s too specific (or are you a successful developer who’s 2 murders could be discovered after a car accident 3 stories down and perfect mind-reading?). Even when they tried to show Mia in a dark hood under back-lighting, resembling the Angel of Death, it felt underwhelming.

It never became a story of a killer getting away, because she’s about to get caught at the end. Plus, we never really got to know Mia very well in the first place. And, while the scenes with the investigator are well directed, and the devices are fun to see in action (the investigator carries around beer!), the fact that you only get a weird flash of a person leading out if they’re trying not to think of murder undercuts that technology as well. In fact, aside from being well shot, can anyone think of anything this episode achieved?

“Hang The DJ”:

This was another perfect balance of story-telling and concept, and another example of the show upending that concept halfway instead of riding it. The whole thing starts off with a familiar date, but with armed guards, and then sleeping over in a house neither of you own (did anyone else think those houses looked like the bathrooms you see at parks?). The whole thing felt natural, but raised questions from the beginning. Specifically, were these people on a dating website? Or a part of some social club? Or part of a closed community?

I loved how it became a streamlined romantic comedy, with “The System” playing matchmaker, best friend counsel, and by the end, the controlling parents the kids have to run away from before the arranged wedding. In this case, though, you start to wonder what else these people do, and why they are never talking to their friends. I assume we all realized it was a simulation once Amy noticed the rocks always skipped “no more or less than 4 times”.

But, that didn’t diminish how I identified with the characters (although, I’m going to assume they are also live avatars, because that’s how this show rolls). Their ruminations on love kept things going to the point that by the time Amy wants to get the hell out, I was on board with them pulling a Logan’s Run and booking it.

“Metalhead”:

Probably the most original episode this season, and the one each Black Mirror season seems to have where they throw off the ties to the rest of the episodes (I’ll get to whether it’s an anthology or a shared universe below). This is a pure cat and mouse chase with any semblance of background or world-building getting run over by a either a survivor or a Terminator-Dalek.

First off, anyone who isn’t scared of an unstoppable killer robot has apparently never had a nightmare, ran for their life, or done both. I’ve read/heard some people complain about the black and white, or how that’s just used to make it seem original. But, it makes the light pop and helps with the fact that, yes, the “dog” wasn’t great CGI. And, while I feel like too many times lately we’re expecting our action movies to be more and more streamlined, this episode earned the right to leave out exposition so we can imagine why they’re risking lives to get one, or a box of, teddy bears.

“Black Museum”:

Overall, “White Christmas” was better. But, it also had the advantage of being first (and Jon Hamm). In both cases, it’s great for the show to have place where it can dump a few ideas together that won’t all fill around an hour, even though the narration of Rolo Hanes took away from scenes that could have really stood on their own. But, we all jumped up when we saw the red sucker in that display case (…there’s a sentence).

So, this brings us to the well-suited cigarette-smoking narrator in the room. Black Mirror tends to get referred to as “the new Twilight Zone”, and while it very much holds up to that title, most people tend to just use that as short-hand for “anthology”. However, the Twilight Zone tended to also lean towards the supernatural and science-fantasy, whereas Black Mirror is all about technology’s affect on us. So, is Black Mirror a shared universe like some people are starting to think? Charlie Booker officially said “No” to that… and done.

What Black Museum did was not show us a world where all the other episodes are intertwined, but, I think, showed us a world where those particular events happened. If the universe is part of a multiverse and everything that can happen will happen, this is one where the Black Mirror episodes happened together. Thus, if you’re watching any other episode, that is in it’s own universe. It just so happens something similar ended up in the Black Museum (also, there’s a universe where Hitler got the atomic bomb first, so maybe let’s not jump into multiverse travel when we get to it). The reason I bring up the connections/lack thereof, is because at the end of it, after Charlie Booker is done playing “Night Gallery”, the new kid burns it all down.

I hope this is the show acknowledging where it’s gotten repetitious, making this it’s version of a cliffhanger episode. They know it’s the last one most people will watch. So, even though I do love the live-avatars (really), I hope this is the show promising to shake things up going forward. Or, even if it doesn’t, it’s still an amazing show. I barely even mentioned the music.

Rankings, best to worst:

USS Callister Metalhead Hang The DJ Black Museum Arkangel Crocodile