#that's why he's reminding me of Bohn so much

[thomaslightwoodenthusiast]

alright fuckers u asked for it u got it

here is my thomastair playlist

its fifteen songs long, could be subject to change we’ll see lol

it’s on spotify so i’m going to link it at the bottom of this post, but first i’m going to list the songs and artists and provide a little context as to why i believe it qualifies as a thomastair song 😈😈

1.) dixie boy - april smith and the great picture show

chose bc i absolutely love this song, and i love belting it when i’m home alone lol. it *is* sang by a girl, however a) her voice is beautiful and b) the lyrics just fit thomastair SO well. no spoilers ofc but think of when alastair said that he always noticed when others were looking at thomas and how much he hated it. that’s this song. although it could also be how thomas feels about charles LMAO

2.) medicine - royal sugar

got recommended these guys on ig and they’re great!! no reason other than it’s just a rly cool song, kinda sexy, it’s just great lol

3.) fleeting love - royal sugar

reminds me of earlier thomastair 💗🙏

4.) indigo - mouth culture

there aren’t many lyrics to this, but it’s one of my fave songs. such a chill, great vibe, just makes me picture the two of them sitting together in the evening, no words, just relaxing :)

5.) why’d you only call me when you’re high? - arctic monkeys

possibly the only song on this any of u will recognise HA. again no real reason. just i guess when they had their oh moment??

6.) loud - feed the biirds (not a typo)

they’re out. they’re happy. they don’t give a fuck who says what. they love each other and the whole world is gonna know.

7.) palo santo - years & years

the first of 3 y&y appearances. olly (the singer) is gay and i love how his music expresses his identity; he’s not shy about it. reminds me a little of the sanctuary scene??

8.) i need you to hate me - jc stewart

okay i’m gonna be honest this is here for 2 reasons. one, bc it makes so much sense for thomastair. how alastair was so desperate for thomas to not care about him so that neither of them got their hearts broken. two, because apparently jc stewart is from a place just down the road from where i live HA ni represent fr

9.) DKLA - troye sivan, tkay maidza

fuck it lol just makes sense to me

10.) sanctify -years & years

one of the lines is ‘you don’t have to be straight with me’ with heavy emphasis on the word straight and it makes me giggle so

11.) tout l’univers - gjon’s tears

okay it’s a eurovision song BUT i needed a french song!!! cause paris!!! if you want to look up a translation of the lyrics feel free, but here’s (roughly) what the chorus says:

all the universe // our two hearts beneath the earth // in the midst of failures, everything explodes // to be at the point of impact // without you

i am aware they are kind of sad lyrics but i think this song captures how tumultuous everything was for them at the start, especially from a personal point of view for alastair

12.) moon - the cab

i love alexander deleon’s (lead singer) work as bohnes soooo the cab are great too. again just a silly kinda sexy song lol. also just realised it’s called moon and la voyage dans la lune guys i’m so smart

13.) hypnotised - years & years

more early thomastair vibes. actually the y&y songs on this make me want to write smth. idk. i think early thomastair owns my heart tbh

14.) love it if we made it - the 1975

yes i dislike matty as much as the next person however this song means a lot to me personally. i don’t know why, but it has helped me through a lot, like a note to self kind of thing? anyways. yeah i love this song and i think it really represents the desperation of thomastair, particularly how thomas put so much effort into convincing alastair that they’d be ok, that they could be together. ‘i’d love it if we made it’ just makes me think of thomas tbh. and!!! it’s all good bc!!! they did!!!

15.) hit and run - lolo

okay i’m going to be honest. i wanted there to be specifically 15 songs and so i needed to think of a final one to add. i really like this one, and thomastair often comes to mind when i listen to it. like i could just see them doing something borderline illegal or generally stupid and running away laughing because they’re just two idiots in love. lowkey oneshot idea of them being a criminal duo? who knows

that’s it for now, happy listening and feel free to add your own songs! you should be able to, i think it’s public and if you really want you can follow my spotify lol

here is the link:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6uSxw4bJefjV9iTQaEPZYD?si=BByxWrnLTwObcEM2PYbD3A

[storyteller-ish]

Thoughts on GMMTV 2024 Part 2, for my future reference:

Will probably watch

Ossan's Love, The Heart Killers, Hide & Sis, Us, Break up Service, ReVamp

Will wait to see the final trailer/until the first few eps air

The Heart Killers, Thame-Po, The Dark Dice, Leap Day

Intrigued by the cast but likely won’t watch

Friendshit Forever

Not for me

Sweet Tooth Good Dentist, The Ex-Morning, Scarlet Heart Thailand

Absolutely no thoughts

Perfect10Liners

Trailer thoughts below

Ossan's love: tbh I was hoping Earth would be in the Haruta role since I've wanted to see him do something goofy after seeing him in Mama Gogo. Needless to say I'm quite pleased lol. I was thrown off by the changes at first, specifically to this version of Haruta, but I'm pretty I'm pretty indifferent to it now. Maybe just seeing that they kept the rooftop fight scene in tact placated me lol. I look forward to it, it seems like it'll be fun!

Leap Day: Really interesting concept. The acting was a bit hammy, but it's only the concept trailer so I'm not especially concerned especially since Gun is involved. so I'll wait and see the final trailer

The Heart Killers: lost it when he threatened someone with a wrench to the neck. it's a good thing that person kissed him a second later or he would have had to figure out how to kill slit his throat with a wrench. Anyway, I'll probably watch it lol. I feel like I'll be more invested in the side couple since their loveline apparently based of Taming of the Shrew? but we'll see.

Friendshit Forever: I love this title so much.... no notes skdfsjl Am I the only one who thought this was a GL in the first few seconds LOL. I already knew about Us, so I was like TWO GLs??? But no lol. It doesn't really seem like the type of drama I'd like, so I'll probably pass on this one.

Perfect10Liners: Seems like a real classic type of BL. Didn't really have any thoughts on it.

Us: I do really look forward to this one! It already has a really distinct vibe that gives me an idea of what we'll be getting with this one. I'm so scared of the random death flags I'm getting from the tone though, I hope it's just me.

Hide and Sis: Ohhh I don't think I've had a GMMTV early trailer pull me in as well as this one did. It has a really strong sense of identity already. I really look forward to it. My track record is that I see these types of murder mystery dramas and every time I say I'll watch them and then they air, and then I don't watch it P.S. I Hate You I will get to you soon I promise but I DO really want to see this one. I'm going to try to do my best to hold myself to at least starting it once it airs.

Thame-Po: I JUST got the pun in the title lol. I'm curious about what Mr. Superstar asked the assistant to help him with and I feel like what they're up to will be the deciding factor in whether I watch this drama LOL idk why.

Break Up Service: Reminds me of Enjiya and, to a lesser extent, Revenge Agency's Two People. I like the concept and it seems like it'll be a fun time.

ReVamp: oh? TWO vampire shows on the roster? must be my birthday LOL. kind of wish I didn't know bohn and deun were signed to gmm now. the confusion I would have suffered from seeing this trailer would have been astronomical but also really funny.

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Mark Pakin in a leading role (not the Last Twilight reference), good for him! His destiny has been fulfilled at last! Probably won't be watching though lol.

The Dark Dice: Looks interesting. Cool concept that I've seen before, but I'm curious about what they do with it. The fact that the game manifests as what looks like a sims plumbob, is going to open up so much potential for Sims jokes lol.

The Ex-Morning: seems fine, but why is there a random car accident thrown in lmao? and wouldn't that be a pretty major spoiler? Anyway I'm not opposed to watching it but I'm most likely going to pass.

Scarlet Heart Thailand: Reminds me that I still haven't seen Scarlet Heart Ryeo. I will probably skip it. I don't have any attachment to the original story that would make me want to see this story more than once.

[morathicain]

Started watching Scoy and I was sooooooo close to giving Nuea the same treatment as Bohn (as in giving him a better boyfriend!) bc omfg the stalking! Seriously, I wish they wouldn’t have made Toh as obsessed with him. A few pictures or trinkets? Okay. But all of this? Biggest red flag!

I understand that he thought he would never get anything else or be closer and was very insecure, but Nuea isn’t a doll and Toh has NO right to all of this. Especially to that extent. There’s also the problem with Toh obsessing over an idolised version of Nuea in his head while he has no idea who the actual person is.

The only thing saving Toh from having his boyfriend rights revoked by me is his character growth (still hate what he did but he’s growing and I love to see it!) and the fact that he’s so enthusiastically into Nuea. Especially after they got to know each other properly.

still judging Nuea’s taste in people; they have proven not to be very healthy *cough* but well, you do you, boy! What luck for Toh that Nuea is apparently into this ...

Still wish Toh would listen a bit more to what Nuea is actually saying and what he actually wants, even though I understand him being constantly overwhelmed. In between it really felt as if he was treating Nuea, who tried to be honest and open with him, like a pretty doll and not a real person and it made my fingers itch! But as far as I am now (beginning of ep 9 as we speak), it’s getting better and I catch myself rooting for them. Especially because of them being ridiculously into each other. Let’s hope I won’t change my mind again c.c

Anyway, I will still write Bohn and Nuea as brothers bc damn me and my crossovers X.X

Also: Jao, Daisy and Som are precious and I need to protect them!!

[lostinfantasyworlds]

WIP Wednesday: Under the Northern Lights (coming soon!)

Summary (Modern AU): Kagome Higurashi has her dream job, working as a nature/wildlife photographer for the internationally well-known Yugen magazine. Her job whisks her all around the world, leaving her lonely sometimes but mostly just incredibly grateful to get paid to do what she loves. When she gets sent to northern Alaska for a month to photograph a series of celestial events, she runs into Inuyasha, a half-demon who lives on his own in the middle of nowhere. A mutual attraction draws them to each other, but Kagome's time there is limited. Will he ease her loneliness or only make it worse?

__________

I'm so excited about this story!! I've always loved night sky photography since I got my first DSLR, although I'm nowhere near good enough to photograph for a magazine - I can only dream 😂. Plus Yugen magazine is a concept I thought of in college for my Editorial Design class. So yes, this story is a little bit of a self insert on my part😆. But besides that, you can expect plenty of fluff and romance, as well as a nice dose of angst (don't worry - I believe in happy endings)!

I have no idea when I'll actually be ready to start posting this, but hopefully sometime in the next couple weeks.

Somehow there already existed the most perfect song to go along with this story. I still can't get over it. If you want to get the vibe, listen to Aurora Borealis by Bohnes (I'm so in love with it!). I'll be posting a full playlist (possibly one for each chapter because I'm extra AF) with the story 🥰

__________

Just a little disclaimer - I had not read any of Chasing the Vortex at the time when I wrote the outline for this story. I finally read it yesterday and realized how many accidental similarities there are in this story, so I apologize in advance @neutronstarchild and @fawn-eyed-girl ! I honestly didn't even know that Kagome was a photographer for a magazine in your story when I wrote this😆. I never want anyone to think I'm copying their ideas, so I just wanted to throw that out there that I’m sorry! I swear the stories are still very different despite certain similarities 🥰

Btw, if you're reading this and haven't read Chasing the Vortex yet, you definitely should! I'm loving it so far, it's SO good!! ❤️

_________

Tagging (let me know if you want on or off!): @alyyyyyssssaaa​​ @bluehawaiicat​​​ @born-for-eachother​​​ @deactivated2431545484​​ @goshinote​​​​ @gruviyasharuto​​​​ @julyzaa​​​​ @ladyaerilla​​​​ @littleredwritinghat​​​ @liz8080​​​ @malditamigs​​
​​ @neutronstarchild​​​​ @redflamesofpassion​​​​ @rocioanime4​​​​ @sailorlolo​​​​ @sangoslays​​​​ @sunsetskys​​​​ @superpixie42​​​​ @zukkosbaby​​

Preview under the cut! (Fluff with just a hint of angst)

The view was absolutely stunning, the sky covered in puffy clouds glowing with saturated reds, pinks, and yellows. The snowy landscape contrasted against the colorful sky, the jagged mountains providing a bold silhouette against the glowing crimson sun.

Even Inuyasha could admit that it was a particularly beautiful sunset. Unfortunately, he was having trouble paying any attention to it at all.

He found Kagome to be much more captivating.

He watched her silently as she worked, jogging around the area with her camera in hand, switching lenses and angles to capture different views. He was mesmerized by her, the way her passion for her craft oozed out of her as she clicked away, her eyes bright and a small smile on her face.

When the sun finally disappeared just below the horizon, she released her camera to hang from her neck and took a seat on the ground with her feet dangling over the edge of the rock face. Inuyasha sat down next to her.

“So, this was a good pick?” he asked.

“Mmhm! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen one quite as beautiful, and I’ve photographed a lot of sunsets. I’m so happy I got to capture that,” she responded, still a bit breathless. She turned to look at him with a beaming smile on her face, her blue eyes still sparkling with passion and excitement. The remaining light from the sunset cast a warm luster across her face, her cheeks and nose especially rosy from the biting chill in the air.

Inuyasha could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. He had never seen someone glow like that before.

Damn it, why did she have to be so beautiful?

He tried to fight against the warm tingling bubbling up under his skin. He didn’t want to feel this way about her, knowing it was going to be pointless in the end.

But he also knew he was fighting a losing battle, the fuzzy feeling overpowering his better judgement.

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Can I kiss you?”

He immediately felt embarrassment wash over him, his cheeks darkening with a deep blush.

Why did I have to go and ask that? Idiot!

Kagome’s smile fell only slightly, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“We’ve done a lot more than just kiss, Inuyasha.”

She smirked at him, as if reminding him of the obvious. He huffed slightly in annoyance.

How does she not get it?

Now he was not only embarrassed, he was also apparently going to have to spell it out for her.

“I know that, dummy.”

He rolled his eyes for emphasis, then hesitated a moment before continuing.

“I just meant — cause we’re out in public like this and all. We’re not in bed so I thought it might mean something different...”

He trailed off as he saw the realization finally dawn on her face. Her smile disappeared completely, her mouth falling open in a silent oh. Her eyes unfocused, staring past him as she processed what he meant.

Inuyasha turned away from her, unable to look at her anymore. He felt his ears flatten against his head as he began backtracking.

“Forget it. It was a stupid thing to say, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he mumbled.

Kagome tried to work through her thoughts as quickly as possible, not wanting to leave him hanging. She hadn’t even thought anything of his question at first, being more surprised than anything else that he had asked it seemingly out of the blue.

But he was right. If he kissed her right now, it would mean something different than the kisses they had shared so far. They had both agreed to “have some fun” with each other while she was in Alaska, with the mutual understanding that she was going to leave in a couple weeks and never see him again. It was a subtle difference, but kissing outside of sex felt like another dynamic entirely.

She knew she should say no. That they would be crossing an unspoken line, one that would surely hurt them more in the end.

But he had asked to kiss her, showing that he respected her choices and boundaries instead of just assuming he had an unlimited pass to her body now that they had slept together.

And the way he blushed when he asked made her feel warm all over.

And she really wanted to kiss him too.

Making up her mind, she rested a hand on his face to turn him back towards her, noticing his lips part in surprise. She kissed him softly, letting it linger a moment before pulling back and removing her hand. They smiled at each other, and she decided to take it one step further by holding out her hand, palm up, in between them. Inuyasha took the invitation, lacing his fingers through hers. Kagome sighed happily before resting her head on his shoulder and watching the last of the sun’s light slowly disappear.

They both felt the shift, like the joining of their hands went beyond the simple physical touch. It felt like they had leapt off a cliff together, her inevitable departure waiting for them at the bottom like jagged rocks with the power to break them. She knew it was probably one of the stupidest decisions she had ever made, and yet the butterflies in her stomach and her racing pulse told another story. She felt happy, and light. Better than she had felt in a long time, possibly even in her life.

Once the sky had darkened and stars began to twinkle above, Inuyasha turned to look at her again, his expression serious. His golden eyes searched her sapphire depths, not sure exactly what he was looking for. They looked at each other for another stretch of time, maybe a second, maybe an hour, before he leaned in and brought his lips to hers again.

[jojotichakorn]

a small ramking fix-it (?) for the finale

or what i hope happens in the last episode of my engineer ( alternative title : don’t fuck up my boys’ relationship , please and thanks )

for my amazing ginger twin @bl-crossingtheline and my ‘ my engineer ‘ buddy @bldramagalore

******

Their time at the camp passed quickly, and everyone was packing to return to Bangkok. King was still trying to keep his distance from Ram, and it was much easier now that he told the boy to keep away, though the way Ram looked at King occasionally made King regret his decision just a little bit.

The thing that Ram didn’t get, though – King thought – was that King was doing it all for Ram. The latter wasn’t exactly in the best situation, and King genuinely wanted him to stay at his apartment for as long as he could. The problem with that situation, however, was that staying in the same apartment and sleeping in the same bed with the guy you had unrequited feelings for was awkward, to say the least.

King had spent a long while trying to ignore those feelings, but it’s quite hard to hide something that you’ve felt for so long. It got especially hard when Ram had gotten that much lovelier and started doing the most adorable things for King, like giving him flower crowns and hugging him when he was cold. Who even did that to their friends? If King didn’t know that Ram was in love with someone else, he would’ve thought that maybe, just maybe… Well, it didn’t matter what he would have thought. Because Ram was in love with someone else. And that meant King had to keep his distance before Ram figured out that King was in love with him.

Sometimes, keeping distance meant literally being as far away from Ram as possible. Knowing that Bohn and Duen were fighting and it was unlikely that they would sit together on the bus, King offered to sit with Bohn instead. That also meant that Ram had no choice but to sit with Duen, who would have definitely wanted to be as far away from Bohn as possible, which would put just enough distance between King and Ram for the former not to be able to even glance at the latter, no matter how much he wanted to.

However, the reality of the situation was that spending an entire bus ride with a heartbroken guy while trying not to think of a guy who’d unintentionally broken your heart wasn’t exactly fun. What would have been even less fun, though, was the trip King would have had to make with Ram to their-, to his apartment. Which is why King decided to ask Bohn to drive them there, which made the ride dreadfully awkward (and dreadfully silent), but it was at least not as painful as it would have been, if they had taken the bus sitting right next to each other, the implications of which were already bad enough, but which was also kind of a special place for the two of them at that point.

Unfortunately for King, he couldn’t shove some other person in-between him and Ram forever, and when they eventually ended up in the apartment alone, there was an awkward moment before Ram started speaking: “I-“, he paused, and King turned around to look at him. Ram speaking was still like a little miracle for him, and King wasn’t quite sure if it was because Ram spoke rarely or because King was just that in love with him. “I will start packing then”.

King was in a state of pure panic for a full minute. This was not what he wanted at all. It was the opposite of what he wanted, in fact. He wanted Ram to feel comfortable living with him, but he somehow ended up driving him away completely. “Wait, cool boy”, King was hoping that the affectionate nickname – regardless of how painful it was for him to say it – would catch Ram’s attention, and it did the job. “I don’t want you to go”, realizing how it sounded and not realizing how desperately Ram was looking at him, King corrected himself, “I mean, you have nowhere else to go and I really don’t mind”. Ram nodded – maybe more to himself than to King – and disappeared in the dogs’ room.

The next few days passed quite weirdly. King moved to the couch again, spent as little time at home as he could, and tried to occupy himself as much as possible when he did have to be in the apartment. Until one evening, after showering, King found a tired-looking Ram sitting on the couch in the living room. “Is something wrong?” King asked, carefully sitting down in front of Ram. The latter gave him a questioning look.

They sat in silence for a little, until Ram finally asked: “Did I do something to upset you?” King shook his head, “No, why would you think so?” Ram gestured around them, pointing out how awkwardly the apartment had felt recently and the way things had been lately. “No, it’s really nothing. Just go to sleep”. King looked down at his hands, waiting for Ram to leave, but the boy wasn’t moving. “Please”, King pleaded. Ram looked at him with the same desperate expression he’d been looking at him for the past few days, but this was the first time King actually noticed. “Just go, Ram!” King exclaimed tearfully. “Not until you tell me what’s going on!” the other responded, and it was probably one of the longest sentences Ram had ever said to King, but the latter didn’t even notice it. Because he was too busy reaching out to kiss him.

King wasn’t sure how or why he did it, it wasn’t even a spur of the moment decision. In fact, it wasn’t a decision at all. King had been suffocating without Ram these past few days, and he realized just how deeply attached he became to him. He wasn’t just in love with him, he needed him in his life, not any less than he needed oxygen. And the only way to make up for a serious lack of oxygen is to put on an oxygen mask and be devoured in it completely.

But the craziest part wasn’t even King suddenly kissing Ram, it was King feeling Ram kissing him back. King’s hands went into Ram’s hair, and Ram gently cupped King’s face, slowly caressing his jaw with his thumb. When they pulled away for air, Ram smiled shyly, blushing like mad. King looked at him curiously: “So, what does this mean?” The other boy looked at him a little confused. “Do you like me then?” King asked. Ram chuckled, cupping King’s face once again, this time to give him a quick peck on the nose. “Yes”, he said, nodding enthusiastically. King stood up, taking Ram’s hand into his: “Let’s go to bed, cool boy”. Ram smiled gently at the nickname, following King into their bedroom.

They laid in the dark, looking at each other. King’s hand was on Ram’s neck, gently caressing his dreamcatcher, when Ram suddenly asked: “Why?” King stopped for a moment, looking at the other boy, “Right, well… I kind of thought you liked someone else”. A question appeared in Ram’s eyes, and King didn’t need him to say it out loud to know exactly what he meant: “Your neighbor?” Ram twitched at the reminder of his now certainly former best friend, “No. Not now, not ever. She has always been just a friend, but she’s not even that anymore”. King gave him a forehead kiss, lingering it for a while: “I’m so sorry”. Ram snuggled up closer to him, breathing in and closing his eyes. “You know what, though?” King asked and Ram mumbled: “Mmm?” in response. “You have me now, and I will always be there for you”, King said quietly.

Some ten minutes passed, maybe a little more, and King was still laying there looking at Ram, convinced that the other boy was already sound asleep until the Moon’s light fell on Ram’s face and King saw a tear going down his cheek. And King felt so so sad. He wanted to take this gentle, wonderful person in front of him and love all his pain away. He was ready to do anything – take it for himself and deal with it, if need be, just so Ram could be happy. Instead, he did the only thing he could do at that moment, and the thing he should have done a while ago. “I love you, cool boy”, he whispered into the darkness, wiping Ram’s tear away. “I love you too, P’King”.

[nanbaka-82]

No one asked and no one will probably read but here’s songs that remind me of some of my most beloved hypmic boyos (Yes I wrote this at five am and I was being biased) Alert this is very long and shitty don’t read if ya don’t wanna get a brain rot and I advise you not to break your mind before 2nd drb.

Bonus up top:

All Stars + Kotonohoto:

- This Is The Moment - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

CLASSIC LOVE IT KEEP GETTING DRB VIBES

- I’m Ready - AJR

THIS IS LIKE DIVISION ALL STARS VS KOTONOHOTO

Yotsutsuji:

- Three Thirty - AJR

IM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE AT ALL but since he’s a character that we never really got to understand and analyze, or maybe the fact that he was put falsely into his comatose state pains me.

“You start thinking about the clock ticks, you get nervous, you start stressing, so how am I supposed to fit this, in three minutes, and thirty seconds?”

“Listen to my aching heart. Quick before you skip the song. We are human after all. And we. Don’t. Stay. For. Long”

Naughty Dialogue/MCD +:

- Bang - AJR 

JUST LOVE THE VIBE 

“I’m way too young to lie here forever (IchiKuko) I’m way too old to try so whatever (SamaSasa) so come hang! We’ll go out with a bang!”

- Partners in crime - ft. Ash Costello

The vibe too! Idk I really like it!

- A Bud Like You - AJR

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH IT FITS THEM EVEN MORE HELL YES

Naughty Busters: 

- Rope - Kulick

“I keep slipping on down but I can’t let go yet”

Pain 

- Kids In The Dark - All Time Low 

 “They left us alone, the kids in the dark, to burn out forever or light up a spark, we come together, state of the art, we’ll never surrender, so let the the world sing”

More pain but cute 

Mad Comic Dialogue:

- I’m Not Ok - Weathers 

HHHHH THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY FAVES

“IM JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE FUCKED UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE”

- Weak - AJR 

“But I’m weak, and what’s wrong with that? Boy oh boy I love it when I fall for that�� (fall for each other those Lil gay boiz)

- Broken -lovelytheband 

“I like that you’re broken broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool?” (sasa)

“I like that you’re lonely lonely like me, I could be lonely with you” (sama)

“There’s something tragic, but almost pure, think I could love you, but I’m not sure” (sama)

“It’s something wholesome, it’s something sweet, tucked in your eyes that I’d love to meet” (sasa)”

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore 

Y e s 

- Sober Up- AJR

“Hello hello, I’m not where I’m supposed to be, I hope that you’re missing me, cuz it makes me feel young”

*Cries in SamaSasa*

“Won’t you help me sober up? Growing up had made me numb, and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me sober up? All the big kids say I’m drunk and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me feel something again... how’s it go again?”

“And I wanna feel something again. I just wanna feel something again. (My favorite color is you)”

“Can I finally feel something again?”

*Cries in SamaSasa again*

Otome (I’m so in it for her):

Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez 

Just. Her backstory. Shit. 

Fling Posse:

- TMD (Talk Me Down) - R & R 

This song just reminds me of the overall relationship between fling posse! I’d make an edit but I’m lazy and sad 

- It’s On Us - AJR

(Honestly AJR is my emotional anchor and it’s obvious)

“It’s not your fault you don’t feel safe it’s not your fault so don’t take blame (no it’s on us)”

“We can try together, make it right together, we can fight together, it’s on us, though your trust is stolen, though your heart is broken, you are never broken, it’s on us” 

“We know what we need to do we’ll be there it’s not on you”

Now da main course:

Samatoki Aohitsugi:

- Karma - AJR : 

THAT PART WHERE ITS LIKE “Where the hell is the karma?” HNGGG

- Can I Get a Witness - Sonreal :

OKAY hear me out:

“I fell in love with you cuz you made me feel, I fell in love with you cuz you kept it real, but you changed up on me, you changed your flow, and now I’ve been hating on you every where I go”

BASICALLY YEAH AND THE REST OF THE SONG TOO

- Honest - Nico Collins 

No comment... 

- Middle Finger - BOHNES 

Oh god I love this song 

“But I refuse to let you make me feel like I can’t fly, not only will I soar again, I’ll own the fucking sky” 

“Livin like a riot, setting off the sirens, fists are clenched I’m fighting, soul has been ignited, ain’t got time for dying, I’m too busy thriving, more than just surviving, heart is beating violent”

And just so much more, this song reminds of his spirit that no matter how many times it’s been broke down just won’t give up, and I love it

- Little Poor Me - Layto 

“I tried hard you know I care, I care, I care, just a little poor me, just a little poor me”

The way he protected what he loved with all his heart, Sasara and Nemu, yet, he still lost them at the end. 

Jyuto Iruma:

The Car - Nightly 

Idk why it fits him—the feel of it I guess 

Ramuda Amemura (maNy but I chose):

- Rabbit Hole - AViVA 

Gives me the feel where he drags people down with him but wants to escape 

- Hypnotized - AViVA

I DONT EVEN GOTTA FUCKIN SAY IT

“Can’t you see you’re hypnotized? Locked inside those eyes. Now don’t you go out at night, you’ll end up hypnotized”

“Look into my eyes find it so appealing look into my eyes send your body reeling, now you’re hypnotized, drag you down down down”

Gentaro Yumeno:

- The Way - Layto

Not so sure about this one—but 

“New Speak, show and tell, this will be my hardest sell, wise men, always say, sadness raps in golden plate” 

Reminds me of how he was bullied and unsocial in school, also how his care takers were elders and made him happy 

- 100 Bad Days - AJR

“A 100 days made a hundred good stories, a 100 good stories make me interesting in parties” 

NSJSBSJJSISS LISTEN IT F I T S

Dice Arisugawa:

- Disaster Party - MAGIC GIANT

FUCKIN-THIS SONG IS SO DICE STFU AND

“You’re a brave heart, but you’re broken, and an Angel, but you’re choking”

THIS REMINDS ME OF HOW DICE SILENTLY ACKNOWLEDGES GENTARO AND RAMUDA BUT DOESNT PUSH INTO THEIR BUSINESS! WHAT A GOOD BOY WE HAVE oh and

“Throw away all your money” hhhhh

- I’m Not Famous - AJR 

Reminds me oh how he could have been literal royalty but decided to say fuck it

Hifumi Izanami:

- Echo - Crusher-P

We don’t talk about why I link this to fumi 

- Oh oh and there’s this part in Parents - Yungblud, “Hi nice to meetcha! Got nothing to believe in! So tell me when my breathing, stops-“ idk it reminds me of his phobia and past 

- Make you Mine - Public The Band

HHHH HES SOFT BBY OKAY 

Doppo Kannonzaka:

- Isolate - SubUrban

“Segregated, situated, hanging on, sophisticated, liberated, nauseated, I just want my medication, individuality and blue lights give me headaches, I’m not changing for the better, I’m just changing clothes on weekends”

Need I say more?

- Come Hang Out - AJR

I personally love this one 

“Come hang out cuz you’re outta your mind, you’re working so damn hard, you forgot what you like, come hang out, don’t you leave us behind. But, I’ll be there next time”

“Come hang out cuz you’re missing your life”

“Should I go for more clicks this year? Or should I follow the click in my ear?”

I feel like this song is from everyone who cares about him which is also me—

Jyushi Aimono/Hitoya Amaguni:

- Crybaby - Melanie Martinez

ABSOLUTELY NOT SHIPPING but the part where it’s like 

“I look at you and I see myself”

Makes me cry because I remember how Hitoya lost his brother to bullying then you have Jyushi so he wants to help the little boy live his life and achieve his goals, unlike his brother, sadly

Sasara Nurude:

- My Play - AJR 

Fucking. Just watch the official vid. That’s all. It’s about parent divorce and slaps.

“When I show you my play, will you pretend you didn’t know, if I make a mistake? It’s gonna get really really really really bad, before it’s okay. But maybe you’ll forget it all, while you’re watching my play” 

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore 

OHH BOY I WROTE A WHOLE FIC ABOUT THIS ON WATTPAD 

- Istanbul (Not Constantinople) 

FUNNY FUNNY SONG CLOWN LIKE FUNNY FUNNY 

Rei:

- Hushh - AViVA 

Fucker got one. 

“Hush Hush, keep your pretty mouth shut, hush hush, lose your inhibitions”

- This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arms Race - Fallout boy

Like HeLL.

“Fitting you with Weapons in the form of words, and don’t really care which side wins, as long as the room keeps singing that’s just the business I’m in”

“I’m not a shoulder to cry on, I digress, I’m a leading man, and the lies I weave are so intricate, oh so intricate” 

If you read this then congratulations why the fuck did you waste your time

[whumpprompts]

Songs that inspire me

I love music. It’s probably my number one source of inspiration. And since I’m probably not alone in this, I decided to put together a little list of songs that inspire me. I divided them by the inspiration, since different songs inspire different kinds of things. Maybe this can be helpful to some of you! 

Naturally, there are more songs that I listen to than just these, but these are the ones that inspire me the most. 

List under the cut!

Happy platonic love :’)

Aka all things sweet, bromantic, and lovey - songs that say “I would die for you” and make me want to write some fluffy found family.  

save me from the monster in my head by Welshly Arms. // Cute, soft, loving music. Lyrics tell about the feeling of hopelessness and fear, and asking the other person to stay by their side and save them. This was released last week and oh boi I love it.

Brother by Kodaline. // One of my favorite songs. Slow and tender. Chorus says “If I was dying on my knees, You would be the one to rescue me, And if you were drowned at sea, I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe.” Need I say more? Ultimate bromance. 1000/10.

All My Friends by The Revivalists. // I don’t know what genre this is. Modern rock, maybe?? No idea. Also idk what sort of vibe this song gives off, but it gives a vibe. I just love the lyrics! The me-person of the song is in their twenties, living their best life, getting high with their friends. They know the friends will stay by their side. Not too emotional of a song, but it’s so cute! The music is happy and the singer sounds good.

Up Down by Boy Epic. // This song has a more cinematic sound to it. Lots of instruments, it sounds amazing. And honestly, I don’t even know why this song reminds me of familiar/platonic love so much, but it does. The lyrics that go “I’m barely breathing, but I’ll follow you down” and “Still fighting my demons, but I’ll follow you down” just hit me somewhere so deep into my emotions, it’s amazing.

My Blood by Twenty One Pilots. // The sound is cute, but I have no idea how to describe it. More pop-ish than rock-ish, and it’s energetic but not too much so. It’s very bromancy, and I adore the lyrics. It’s all about “I’ll go with you,” which, thanks to this song, has become a phrase I want to use in my book at some point. 

Carry You by Ruelle. // Slow, tender, sweet, so loving???? Picks up towards the end, so it also has a slight cinematic feel to it. The me-person swears to keep carrying you when you can’t find your own wings. You’ve lost the will to fight, but she’ll stay by your side. It’s... so many shades of beautiful. The pinnacle of love. it does not get more tender than this. 1000000000/10. But also kinda sad? So this definitely belongs to both categories, this one and the one that comes after this.

Hold on for Your Life by Tommee Profitt, ft. Sam Tinnesz. // A cinematic song that starts out very slow and sad but gradually builds up, and it sounds AMAZING. The me-person is begging for someone to hold on, to not let go - they refuse to say goodbye, because it can’t be time yet. The me-person is also afraid, but they vow “no matter where you go, I’ll find you.” I wasn’t sure whether to put this song into this group or the next one, because it’s kind of both; it’s sad, but also powerful and loving.

.

Not so happy platonic love

Aka all things angsty and broken. These songs say “You’re gone but I need you, please don’t leave me alone” or “you aren’t the person I know anymore,” and make me want to take that found family and tear them from each other in the angstiest, cruelest way imaginable.

Brother by Sam Tinnesz. // This song is half acoustic, half.. not. And since I am a sucker for acoustic guitar, I love the sound. The lyrics are angsty as hell! The me-person’s brother has lost his way, and has apparently done something bad or turned evil, and the me-person is scared and worried for him. At the end, they deem “I can’t save you.”

Hell or High Water by Billy Raffoul. // I’d like to thank the video game Days Gone for showing me this song. It’s slow, emotional, and only has guitar for the music. It’s just... aaaah. The me-person has lost their loved one and is, naturally, heartbroken, but they vow not to give up because the loved one wouldn’t want them to. This is a gorgeous song. 

Man or a Monster by Sam Tinnesz, ft Zayde Wolf. // Some sort of rock, but the slower kind. Builds up towards the end. They ask the question, “are you a man or a monster?” and can’t tell which side “you” are on. Whether or not this is aimed at a platonic loved one is up to interpretation, since I don’t think the song ever specifies who it’s singing to, but that’s how I’ve chosen to see it because it sounds more longing than angry.

.

Fuck you, you can’t win, you can’t hold me down, go die, I am (or will be) amazing

Aka all the songs that show a middle finger to some evil, annoying entity, and swear to beat them. These make me want to write a scene where the protagonist gains second wind and faces against the antagonist.

Middle Finger by Bohnes. // Again, a style of music I can’t put into a genre. But it sounds powerful and victorious in a... I don’t know, youthful, cocky way? Not too heavy, definitely more pop-ish than rock-ish. The lyrics go “So I put my middle finger up, I’m done being your slave” and “Fists are clenched, I'm fighting, Soul has been ignited, Ain't got time for dyin'.” I’ve known this song for years but I always come back to it when I need this type of motivation.

New Kings by Sleeping Wolf. // Not too fast, but it sounds... dedicated, in a way. Like the singer has really had enough. It’s some type of rock, I guess? And the lyrics all about how the enemy will not win - the heroes refuse to “lay down and die,” and they refuse to stop until they all see that they’re the new kings. Also, I love the part where he sings “And you call yourselves an army?” like yesssss burn them!!!

Bury Me Face Down by grandson. // One of my favorite songs!! A mix between rock and rap, in an alternative sort of way? Not too fast, not too slow. He sings about an army fighting him, but that he won’t give up - and when he dies, you gotta bury him face down. He’s been on the run for his whole life, and he is no stranger to trouble. “It’s only just begun.” 

White Flag by Bishop Briggs. // Some sort of rock again. Powerful, unrelenting. I heard this years ago, but I still come back to it whenever I need a song that sounds good and is about not surrendering. The me-person vows never to wave their white flag - she’s going to keep fighting until she wins. Also, the line “Don't you know I ain't afraid to shed a little blood?” hits me so hard into my “omg that’s amazing please never stop” nerve, it’s amazing.

Chosen One by Valley of Wolves. // Rock that also gives a very subtle country-vibe to me, but I don’t listen to country and I have no idea what it sounds like so it might not :D I like their rhythm though! The song is positive but not too so. It’s basically all about how the me-person is the chosen one and how he’ll overcome any obstacle. 

(Also most other songs by Valley of Wolves. All I’ve heard have been about “I’m the best, I will beat you, I will win. Especially the songs Born Bold, Keep on keeping on, Ready for the Fire, Lions Inside, Out for Blood, and Now’s My Time. I don’t listen to them much anymore but they used to inspire me a lot so I’m throwing them out there.)

.

The battle has been long and I don’t know if we can win anymore - but we need to keep trying

Aka the songs that are all about the desperate, hopeless fight no one thinks they can win anymore. These make me want to write a suicide mission, but not the explosive kind - more like the kind that starts with the characters crying and begging the suicide-person not to go, and ends with the survivors crying for the one who sacrificed themselves for the others.

Soldier by Tommee Profitt, ft Fleurie. // A slow cinematic song full of sadness that gradually builds up. Fleurie’s voice is amazing. The singer begs the Soldier to keep marching on through the dangers and hardships. One of my favorite go-to songs of all time when writing/planning this type of scene.

Heroes by Valley of Wolves. // Slower, emotional, lots of instruments which I love! Gets gradually stronger as well. There is a fight that seems hopeless, but they refuse to give in. But they also sing “Who will save us?” and “Sometimes you gotta let it go, leave it up to a hero.”

.

I’m alone, and honestly, the world would be better off if I died (OR everything has gone to shit in general)

Aka the songs that are full of self-loathing. These are so useful for writing scenes where the character has lost everything. They’re at their lowest point and wonder if they even have a reason to keep fighting anymore - and they blame themselves for it. (OR the songs where things has gone to shit in general - the me-person may not blame themselves, but things are still very bad.)

Rock Bottom by grandson. // The non-self-loathing kind. Typical grandson sound, a mix of rap and rock and pop that sounds so damn good. “Tell me how did we get here? And where the fuck do we go now?” sums up the song - they’ve hit rock bottom and they don’t know how to get up anymore.

The Mystic by Adam Jensen. // Slower and angsty! A soft sound. Some type of rock. The me-person is a drug addict who’s hit their lowest point. He tries to stay clean, but his family has abandoned him, and he thinks no one is going to worry or even notice if he went missing - not until they found his body from the river.  

Losing Hold by Esterly, ft. Austin Jenckes. // Oh my GOD, this is The Angstiest song I’ve ever heard. The singer sings to a “you,” describing how you’re looking at your “last chance down below” and how you’re losing hold. This is the PERFECT song for writing/brainstorming scenes where a character is truly and utterly hopeless, broken, and alone. Everything about this song sounds what being hopeless feels like - the lyrics, the music, the singer’s voice... An amazing song. 10000/10.

Down So Low by Royal Deluxe. // Slow, a bit darker. Another song directed to a “you.” Basically, the whole song is the singer telling you how badly you fucked everything up and how it’s all your fault even though you keep blaming others. It also gets kinda hopeless. “How deep into the ground can one man dig a hole?” and “Leaving you crying out, ‘have mercy on my soul!’”

Despicable by grandson. // Slow, dark, self-loathing intensifies. “If I were you, I wouldn’t love me neither.” I don’t really listen to this song that much, but it’s great for brainstorming those kind of extremely hopeless scenes.

. 

Miscallenous 

Aka songs that inspire me in some other ways!

Solo by Prismo. // A nice mix between rock and, eh, electronic, I guess? This is a genre that I like a lot. Honestly, it’s probably called alternative rock. But anyway! This me-person is alone and he’s teaching himself to feel better. This inspires me with like, the positive change a character might go through. 

Sinners by Barns Courtney. // THE VOICE. Mmmm god his voice is the best voice I have ever heard. Basically, this is like softer rock. It has a really soft, pleasant, slower sound with lots of guitar. Nice. It’s about this me-person who’s low on luck, and he’s drinking with a bunch of “sinners.” He also sings “I must be good for something” which kinda inspires me to write a very specific character in a very specific scene. So it’s kinda, “I’ve been fucked over by lady luck but we can still drink tonight” mixed with some hope that maybe he isn’t a totally worthless good-for-nothing.

Pilgrims by New Dialogue. // Some sort of pop, alternative-ish, maybe? Super happy-sounding. They want to be pilgrims and settle somewhere better, somewhere safer. “Where we’re going, you could be anyone.” Honestly, this sounds like the ending soundtrack to a movie about a group of family who struggled to find a new, safe home in some foreign, scary land. It’s so... “yay!” :D sounds very happy. It inspires me in the “and they lived happily ever after” sort of way.

Who Will Save Your Soul by Esterly, ft. Young Youth. // Honestly, I have no idea what type of genre this is. It’s... a little cinematic, little rock-ish, little electronic, little pop-ish, little rap-ish. So :D yeah. But it is a good song! I mostly listen to it for the chorus that says “Who will save your soul, after the lies you told them, who will save your soul if you won’t save your own?” Idk. It’s a good song. Inspires me to create bad guys.

Listen Out Loud by DREAMERS. // A song I only discovered a few days ago. Pretty happy and pop-ish, the singer has a great voice. He sings about looking for answers in the world and finding them from all around himself when he listens out loud. It’s a message that inspires me to write a specific type of character - the type who’s curious and happy and seeks to understand the world.

We’re Tired by The Blancos ft Joyner Lucas. // Sounds so fucking good?? And honestly, this is an amazing song about the shittyness of selfishness, inequality, and oppression in general, which I love, but I also love this because it sounds so emotional and makes me want to write dystopian. 

[calumthoodshands]

RULES: 8 song prompts, tag 8 people

I was tagged by molly @staticsounds and em @redrattlers thank you both!! 🧡

Favourite song at the moment

the angel of 8th ave. by Gang of Youths, I’d say. Car ride song. Feeling infinitely song. Yk? Such a comforting voice, such a nice vibe, just 10/10. I won’t mention starting line here simply because if you don’t listen to it already, that’s you own fault for missing out, pal.

A song you associate with your favourite ship

Take on the world by You Me At Six. Which is a fucking sad song, i now realise. It is not the only song I associate with cake tbf but i won’t name the other song for reasons here. Idk, it’s the ‘i’m there for you despite not knowing everything there is’ vibe ig, because you never truly know someone through and through and so on. I also associate it with several damn sad fics somehow. Sigh. Cake do be my life atm

A song that could be about you

Idk, i have to be honest here. I don’t know myself. I don’t know why am i the way i am and idk what’s happening around me and with people around me and also it’s just stupidly unlikely that there’d be a song about me so i’m just gonna... pass here.

A song you think is underrated

Homesick by Dua Lipa and i’m gonna squeeze in a second one: Lay it all on me by Rudimental feat. Ed Sheeran. Homesick is just beautiful. It’s so, so beautiful and just... yeah. It got to my heart. I even used it in my fic because i like it so much. Isn’t a lot of her older stuff underrated anyway? Can i add another one of her songs, because Be the one is also such a fucking banger and the first song i heard from her. Lol. I really do like both the songs a lot.

Lay it all on me is actually one of my favourite songs i think ever? I don’t think i can ever get sick of it. Rudimental make sick stuff in general but this is just next level idk idk the chorus with headphones and full volume? — chef’s kiss. Can listen to it on loop for hours i think.

A song that reminds you of a good memory

Y’all this is gonna be such trash to some of you i think but if anyone does listen to it — it does slap. It’s called Keine Liebe by RIN feat. Bausa. The bass, man. The chorus. The recycling of Du trägst keine Liebe in dir by Echt. The day this reminds me of my best friend’s birthday and i think we had maybe the best day and party ever. I felt like myself that day and i don’t think i’ve ever felt that good in my own skin and mind, so. (Mimi if you see this tell me your opinion here lol)

I’m gonna name one more: More than you know by Axwell /\ Ingrosso. Summer ‘18 in Italy. Best summer of my life, with some of the best people. Take me fucking back to the beach and Rome and Capri, island love of my life. This song slaps and i think it’s one of the songs i heard the most times during a limited period of time. It was insane. I’m impressed i haven’t gotten sick of it actually lmao.

The last song you listened to

Stockholm Syndrome by One Direction. It just slaps and has the ideal Zayn and Harry vibes i love about Four so much. 10/10. Also perfect showcasing of all of their voices here. And the harmonies, sign me the fuck up, ‘tied down’ — harry styles, come here now. Remember the video where he sings the echo of ‘done’ and is so proud of himself? Lol. Baby, look what you’ve done, done, done, indeed.

A song that makes you laugh

Yodel it! by Ilinca, Alex Florea. I’m sorry, the attempt of trying to make yodeling mainstream-appropriate is just so amusing me. Like, they’re serious about this. I’m sorry it’s fucking funny to me. You shouldn’t be surprised that it’s an ESC song either here lmao (mili pspspsps). The yodeling in the end has me so goddamn weak it’s so over the top like ma’am are you in a race here — i can’t talk about this I’m already laughing.

A song you want your mutuals to listen to

I’ve talked so much here already so, all plain: Witchcraft by Bohnes. 10/10.

I’m tagging,,,, @talkfastcal @bente-gifs @calumsash @highscal @faeryphilia @till-the-sunshine-fades idk if y’all did it already, and no pressure ofc!! 🧡 i can’t count to 8 sorry <3

[smartzelda]

It's BohnFrongDuen hours

Imagine one of those times where Duen does something that frustrates Bohn just a bit too much and he gets mad. It's something that's not really a big deal, and of course Bohn (and honestly no one) can stay mad at Duen for very long. However, Bohn, being himself pretends he's still mad for the whole day.

Duen tries everything to figure out how to fix this. He's running all over himself. And at some point in the day he ends up crying alone to Frong and Frong's like "He's still angry at you??? And he's making you cry??"

So after a bit of comforting Duen, Frong marches right up to wherever Bohn is and starts asking him why and how the heck he's still mad at Duen, especially over something so small

And then Bohn's like "I was just messing with him! It's fine! It's cute!"

And Frong inhales and goes like "Man do you even understand how that impacts Duen's mental state?? If you do this over and over and over you will lose him" and just keeps telling him off

And Bohn starts getting red faced, and he starts trying to say something "I... Uh... He..." and eventually he just interrupts Frong and starts speaking really fast "It's cute because I like it when he shows me affection and I'm always afraid that one day he'll leave or just ignore me and it's a reassurance that he really does care and I'm not trying to hurt him it's just that no one's actually cared for me before now like this"

And somehow, Bohn's got tears on his face now because he's dregging up all those feelings about how his family treated him and now he's thinking about how he's hurt Duen, but he also just wants someone to understand

And Frong, after listening to all this, just goes "Oh" and wraps his arms around Bohn

And Bohn just kind of says "What're you doing asshole?" because sure they're dating, but their "thing" is pretending they hate each other. Bohn is secretly touched though

Frong on the other hand though can't even think about their stupid tsundere act because now his other boyfriend is hurt and crying and he needs so much more affection than he thought. "Shut up," he whispers, and Bohn finally relaxes into him and buries his head in Frong's shoulder.

Eventually, they pull away, and Frong puts his hands on Bohn's shoulders as he presses their foreheads together. "I'm sorry," he breathes. "But you should’ve just told us you wanted more attention."

Bohn raises an eyebrow.

Oh, and then Frong has another realization. He does. Bohn asks for attention and affection all the time. He sits right down beside Duen and throws an arm around him. He kisses Frong when he least expects it sometimes because it makes him go wild. He spends so much time around Duen and Frong both, always finding some way to get their attention.

So Frong tries again. "Okay, not that just..." Frong takes a deep breath. "You know Duen feels bad right now. I know how you feel now, but he doesn’t. He's sitting there agonizing over what he's done that's made you so mad at him, and you're not even mad. Apologize to our boyfriend, and talk to him."

Frong's still mad of course, but this isn't so simple. It isn't just Bohn being a piece of shit. And he actually feels bad for what he never noticed, for not realizing just how much reassurance, affection, Bohn needs.

Frong presses a kiss onto Bohn's lips, and now Bohn's face is red because this rarely happens, and Bohn kisses Frong back.

The kiss barely lasts a minute or so, but it leaves Bohn a little dizzy because this is what he craves because he's so starved for affection despite having two boyfriends.

It goes both ways. And it's not bad that maybe Frong or Duen doesn't want to kiss during a moment or whatever. It's not that. It's that his affections or ploys for attention have come across as a joke, and sometimes by assuming it's a joke, people don't realize that Bohn actually needs some attention and affection.

So, Frong grabs Bohn's arm and drags him to wherever Duen is. Duen sees Bohn and Frong just as they enter the room he's in, but before he gets a chance to say anything, Bohn apologizes.

"I'm sorry."

And that confuses Duen, because he was ready to apologize again, and he'd been under the impression that Bohn was still mad at him for whatever reason.

Frong sighs. "He's got something to explain to you." He nudges Bohn with his elbow after a few moments of silence.

And so Bohn sighs before explaining what he told Frong and explaining his apology.

Duen sighs, "Don't do that to me again," before he wraps his arms around Bohn. "I can't... I can't handle it."

"I know."

"But I'm sorry." Duen looks into Bohn's eyes and tries to gather up some courage.

Bohn's eyes widen when Duen plants a kiss on his lips. It lasts only a short moment, but it leaves a large smile on his face.

It's hard to break old habits, but in the coming days, Frong and Duen help. Whether it’s reminding Bohn how not to get attention, giving him some surprise affection (not beyond anyone's personal boundaries of course), or just realizing some of his subtle cues.

Bohn suspects Frong or Duen must've told the things he told them to his friends when, in addition to the normal teasing, more often than not, one of them gives him a pat on the back in passing or even occasional hug.

Point is, now everyone gets it. Duen makes sure to tell Bohn he cares about him, even if it makes him feel very embarrassed, and maybe he indulges him every once in a while.

Frong and Bohn still play their "double tsundere" "you wanna kiss me so bad" routine, but Frong surprises Bohn with kisses sometimes too (and then he gets why Bohn enjoys watching him go wild over it).

And sometimes, Duen and Frong show up at Bohn's [condo? Apartment? Sorry I forgot]. Duen starts making dinner, maybe he brings in Frong, Bohn, or both, and teaches them a little about how to cook, and after eating dinner, they all cuddle up on the couch or in the bed, and they just hang out there (maybe putting on a movie or a drama) with Bohn in the middle.

Bohn's boyfriends (and of course his friends too more often than they used to) make sure to show him that he's loved, and although that doesn't just make the anxiety and Bohn's fears vanish, it sure helps.

[aylinaliens]

Hi! Could I maybe request RamKing being the absolute best, once again, and maybe educating their friends on ‘switches’, after this episode i think they need it, or something along those lines as king as it’s RamKing I’m happy! Thank you!

hello! hopefully you like it, it went on longer than i thought but i had to add a ramking moment. you can read it on ao3 or down below

summary: “But...I gave you that drink last week.” Ram paused and King felt his stomach lurched with excitement. Okay well...maybe this was a bit weird but wasn’t this a normal reaction when you had a crush? To feel as if you suddenly can breathe easily for the first time in your life while at the same time being unable to do so? But why did King never remember this feeling when he had crushes on other people?Realization seemed to click on Ram’s face as he connected the dots. “Are you...bringing me plants so that I would talk to you?”

think of me when you look after it (ram/king) 

"You know you can switch right?" The words were out of King's mouth before he could stop them. Constantly listening to Bohn insistent complaining was starting to get on his nerves. He was unsure why this conversation was even happening considering Bohn and Duen never did as much as kiss. Yet somehow their nonexistence sex life was the main topic of conversation for the last hour and half. He was fully planning on staying out of it, perhaps teasing Bohn a little because it was fun, but curiosity got the best out of it. Turns out this whole entire situation could have been solved by a simple search on their phones.

King was met with a variety of stares from his friends-mostly in confusion. It was obvious from the glazed look in their eyes that he would have to spell it out. "During sex, you can switch roles. No one just has to be the top and no one just has to be the bottom." For emphasis he held his phone in front of Bohn's face to show him the article, who was currently leaning against King’s chair on the floor.

Bohn squinted at the device in suspicion. " That's a real thing? But I thought you just had to pick one?"

Before King could answer he was cut off by Wai. "Isn't that a BDSM thing?" Now it was King's turn to stare in confusion. She shrugged before grabbing another shot and bringing it to her lips. "What? I heard it from somewhere."

Shaking his head he pulled his phone away from Bohn to read the web page once more. "It can be but I'm not referring to that. Someone who switches can do both, depending on their mood usually. It has nothing to do with femininity and masculinity. Just because someone is smaller and sweet doesn't mean they would be the submissive one. The same thing goes for those who are bigger and rougher."

King looked away from his phone only to see Bohn somehow looking even more confused. His eyebrows were knit together and he was fiddling with one of the buttons of his shirt. He knew he should have left it alone but he was curious. It seems like he was curious about a lot of things lately.

Actually he seemed to only be curious about one person really. He wanted to prepare in case- no. Nope. King was not going to allow his mind to wander that far. Even if King ever gained enough nerve to tell Ram how he felt he highly doubted that Ram would feel the same. But that was okay, really. He was content at what they had now, whatever it was. Was it simply a crush? That wasn't enough. Was he in love? That still somehow didn't encapsulate the full depth of his feelings. Perhaps he was in between the two at the moment. There was no doubt in King's mind that he liked Ram, though. It was just a simple fact that King gradually realized as the weeks went on but he was unsure if he was ready for things to change. There was still so much he was curious to learn about Ram and he didn't want it to become clouded by the physical stuff. He felt on top of the world just by Ram saying a full sentence to him. He was positive that he would be unable to handle Cool Boy holding his hand let alone kissing him. Still, King figured that someone in his friendship group should be informed about this stuff. He had zero ulterior motives. None whatsoever. Just curiosity.    

It seemed like the rest of the group tuned out, partially from boredom and partially from the round of shots that were delivered to their table. Bohn thankfully opted out drinking and instead was still trying to process King's words from a few moments ago. "Wait, but how do you decide? Do you just flip a coin or something?"

King seriously hoped that Bohn and Duen didn't sleep together for a very long time-it was clear that they both needed to mature.

"I guess it depends on the mood."

"How do we figure out the mood?" It was as if King was talking to a child at this point. Still, he tried to remain patient. It was clear that Bohn was upset about this, more so over the fact that Duen's personality did a complete 180. Or it had to do with the fact that his masculinity was called into question. King guessed Duen seemed to be struggling with that too.

So for the next ten minutes King answered every question Bohn threw his way, no matter how embarrassing they were. He had to remind Bohn quite a few times that he was far from an expert and he should speak to someone who was but knew that someone had to do it. He was sure Boss would just find another DuenBohn fan fiction and use that as an educational tool.

Just as Bohn opened his mouth to ask another question King cut him off. "Are you ready to have sex with Duen?" It was blunt and far from King's business. It was no one else's but their own. But he assumed that after the conversation they just had- after all the diagrams they saw -it would be safe to ask it.

Bohn's cheeks were already red from the alcohol but it somehow burned even brighter. His eyes went comically wide as his mouth opened and closed a few times, struggling to form a coherent reply. "N-no? We haven't. We haven't even k-kissed. Why would you ask that?" King really couldn't stand his friend sometimes. How was it this question that made him flustered and not the in depth discussion they had about the best positions for the first time.

"If you're not ready to have sex than why are you guys fighting about this? I'm not saying you shouldn't educate yourself on this but you're letting everyone's opinions influence you."

Bohn sent a glare at King. "Weren't you the one teasing me earlier? You were pushing your opinions on me."

King did push his opinions on him but that was before he did his research. It's not like he would stop teasing Bohn about Duen but maybe he'll stay away from this touchy topic. He didn't bother to answer that question. "Look, you need to talk to Duen about this, not us. We are not the ones who you're in a relationship with. It's none of our business. We can joke about it and I'm here for you but...this is not our decision to make. If you truly don't want to lose him you need to have this discussion. It doesn't even have to be about sex but set up some guidelines and rules so that when you do get to that point you'll know what to do."

Bohn took a few minutes to mull things over as King slowly began to sip his drink. He was going to need a lot of alcohol to get this conversation out of his mind. It's not that he was ashamed but it was a tad bit embarrassing to have a crash course lesson on sex education in the middle of a crowded bar with your best friend. Finally, Bohn nodded and spoke, his voice still slightly slurred from the alcohol. "I want Duen." Obviously. "I want him to pick me up so that we can talk about this. Right now. Right here." Okay that's not so good of an idea. King meant they should have the conversation completely sober and preferably when he was not present. "I'm not leaving unless he picks me up."

It was possible that King just made things ten times worse than before. Damn his curiosity.

Turns out he didn’t make things as worse as he originally thought. Both Duen and Bohn finally sat down and had a serious conversation about the whole thing ( and finally set boundaries for their friends). However, because Bohn and Duen are stubborn and strong willed they automatically found something else to bicker about but this time King was not going to intervene. He was too busy trying to get a certain boy to just say one more word to him.

Just as Ram was about to get on his bike King appeared, bag in hand. He was met with a blank stare but King was used to it. He thrusted the bag toward the other boy and flashed him a grin. “Thanks for the drink you bought me. I figured I should probably repay you for it.” Ram cautiously took the bag and peaked inside, only to glance up with a perplexed expression.

“You got me another one?” Was it weird that those words were like music to King’s ears? It probably was but he didn’t really care. King ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tick that he only seemed to do in Ram’s presence, before grinning again. “Yup. It’s the least I could do.”

“But...I gave you that drink last week.” Ram paused and King felt his stomach lurched with excitement. Okay well...maybe this was a bit weird but wasn’t this a normal reaction when you had a crush? To feel as if you suddenly can breathe easily for the first time in your life while at the same time being unable to do so? But why did King never remember this feeling when he had crushes on other people?

Realization seemed to click on Ram’s face as he connected the dots. “Are you...bringing me plants so that I would talk to you?”

King leaned forward, close enough that their faces were only a few inches apart. He was still not ready for that yet but he had to admit it was amusing to watch Ram squirm. His eyes went wide as his cheeks tinted an adorable shade of pink. “I might be, Cool Boy. Do you have a problem with it? Do you want me to stop?"

Rather than replying Ram ducked his head before jumping on his bike and peddling away. If anyone else did that King would have thought it was rude but with Ram it was different. It was just... so him. By now he was used to the silence and abrupt endings to their meetings but he had to admit he liked it even better when he got to hear Ram’s voice. He ran a hand through his hair as he watched the other boy slowly disappear as he turned a corner and patiently waited for his phone to buzz. Not even twenty seconds later King’s phone began to buzz in his pocket. Right on time. Slipping the phone out of his pants he began to read the messages, a soft smile on his face.

No.

No, I don’t have a problem with it.

You can bring me as many plants as you want.

And thank you.

Another few seconds passed before the phone buzzed one last time.

You don’t always have to bring me a Venus flytrap though. You said they are very hard to germinate so...it’s up to you.

Oh, King had a very long list of plants he could give to Ram that takes little time to germinate but he would still give him Venus flytraps too, just because it’s worth the wait ( Ram was worth the wait).

[weilongfu]

Nature or Nurture (It all runs in the family) - A call for help

Overall summary: When Bohn decides to pursue Duen, he finds himself in need of advice that only parents can give. And so Bohn turns to his adoptive parents, Sarawat Guntithanon and Tine Teepakorn. Unfortunately for him, despite being adopted, too many things run in the family. The first of which is an interest in men. The second of which is being a disaster when it comes to flirting.

Don’t ask me for logic. I saw Bohn be a disaster bi and decided that he is the lovechild of Sarawat and Tine who are a disaster gay and bi and are absolutely awful at flirting. Don’t @ me. Also IDK, Ben is either adopted by Man and Type or Phukong and Mil. IDGAF and I haven’t decided yet.

Part Summary: After meeting Duen, Bohn immediately calls his parents for advice about what to do and how to flirt with him. It only serves to remind him that his dads are also... not very good at flirting all the time.

------

Bohn had fully intended to just call and leave a message. He knew his dads would be busy. Today was a court day after all and both of the head lawyers of the Guntithanon and Teepakorn Law Firm were bound to be trying cases today. So it was a special surprise to see Papa Sarawat’s face blinking at him. 

“Papa? Shouldn’t you be in court?” Bohn sat down on his couch. “It’s still early yet. Did they adjourn already?”

Sarawat rolled his eyes and Bohn immediately knew what was coming. It was always the same thing, even back when he had been adopted. “We were supposed to be in court but somebody forgot to bring the forms we needed for Discovery today and-”

“EXCUSE YOU!” Tine yelled from off screen. Bohn winced, even though Sarawat didn’t look ruffled in the slightest. He was sure part of it was his papa’s nature. The other half was just that he was used to his dad’s loud objections to almost anything. “I told you to put them in the suitcase last night and you said you’d rather touch my-”

“Okay okay!” Bohn waved his hand in front of the camera. “Stop, stop, stop. Please stop.” He huffed and blew his hair out of his face. “I need advice.”

“Advice? About what?” Tine’s face appeared over Sarawat’s shoulder. 

“Well…” Bohn felt his ears burn. “I might… uh…” Bohn watched as Sarawat’s eyebrow raised. “I might like someone…”

“Someone?” Tine’s eyes lit up. “You must be serious if you’re asking your papa and I for advice.”

“Well…. They… Uh…” Bohn bit his lip. “They’re kind of an idiot… I found them sleeping on a park bench by a place with a lot of lizards…”

Tine blinked but Sarawat spoke up first. “No.”

“What?” Bohn and Tine said at the same time.

“Do not pursue them,” Sarawat said with a long suffering sigh. “It is so much pain to convince an idiot to love you.” Tine smacked Sarawat’s arm and Sarawat only continued to look into the camera with a patient resolve. “Nothing but suffering.”

“But papa, you’re with dad.”

Sarawat brought the camera closer so Bohn could look right into his eyes. “Just because I legally married your father doesn’t mean I know how I did it. You’ve grown up around him. You know how hard it is to make your father realize anything.”

“SARALEO!” The sound of fists pounding against Sarawat’s back grew louder and Bohn winced. Sarawat only lifted the phone above his head so Bohn could watch Tine ineffectively punch his back. “Don’t tell our son lies!”

“Tua woon wai.”

“What?”

“Just punch a little more to the left. I’ve got a knot over there.”

“WHY YOU-” And yet, Bohn watched as Tine started punching in the indicated direction anyway. “I should just poison your dinner!”

“Foolish. Now there’s a witness.”

“Shut up!” Tine looked up at the phone and pointed at his son’s face. “You chase that person well! You’re my son! You have to have some of my chicness!”

“I’m adopted,” Bohn reminded him.

“Nonsense! Since I raised you myself, some of my chic manner has rubbed off on you, I know it,” Tine said, striking a pose that was bound to have been chic back when he was Bohn’s age. “Give it a shot.”

“Do not flirt like your dad,” Sarawat said.

“Don’t flirt like your papa! Mixed signals everywhere!”

“Your dad thought I was fake flirting with him the entire time. That’s why he had mixed signals.” Sarawat smiled. “But when he knew I was serious, he couldn’t stop blushing. You should flirt like me.”

“You… You… I did not blush all the time!” Tine gave Sarawat one last punch, but then started rubbing his back. “I only blushed fifty percent of the time.”

Bohn pinched the bridge of his nose as his parents bickered. “Right. I’ll just… I already uh… blackmailed him into spending time with me today and… I might have… Made him… promise to buy me flowers every day for a month…”

“It’s a him? It’s a boy?!” Tine jumped at the phone and Sarawat pulled it out of his reach. “Oh, this is the first boy! He definitely takes after me.”

“He takes after me,” Sarawat said. “His boy is also an idiot.”

“Saraleo!”

“Good luck. Call us if you need more help, bail money, date money, or an attorney if he tries to sue you for harassment,” Sarawat said before hanging up while Tine continued to complain in the background.

Bohn sighed as his phone screen turned dark. “So much for parental guidance.”

[magnus-sm-writes]

Character Intro: Lucy

(Image IDs: On top is a gif of the word “Lucy” four times, glitchy like an old VCR. In the middle are two outlines of a silhouetted man in dark clothes with colorblocked outlines behind him, set against a red background the reads “Lucy” on repeat. On the bottom, in similar fashion to the top gif, reads “ruler of hell”.)

Welcome to Lucy.

(Image ID: a well-groomed, heavily-tattooed Asian man looks off to the side with disinterest, set against a red background. The picture is against a gray background with dark diagonal slices running across it.)

The original Fallen Angel, Lucy has always had a hatred for PARADISE and all it stands for. When his husband, Ambiel, is threatened with Falling-- the worst thing to happen to an angel--, Lucy knows he has to assist, and not just to spite the place that did him dirty.

Unlike the usual smear campaign PARADISE loves to advertise, Lucy’s not terrible. Lucy tries to be a better person than you’d think he is. He tries to rule over INFERNO with more benevolence than God rules over the Earth with. But don’t mistake Lucy for a “good guy”-- he prefers to rule by fairness. Really, the only being who would call him anything close to “good” (without the modifier of “at his job”) is his husband, Ambiel, who he would 100% kill for at any time.

Lucy’s grown quite a bit from who he used to be, and he’s proud of it. Why wouldn’t he be? It’s his favorite sin, after all, and he deserves it. He wears pride the way people wear Prada: with elegance, like it’s a second skin.

APPEARANCE

(Image ID: a different version of the last image:  a well-groomed, heavily-tattooed Asian man looks off to the side with disinterest. The picture is much darker and flipped so he looks in the opposite direction. Behind him, there are two different outlines of his silhouette in different shades of red. Perhaps he is brooding?)

Lucy considers himself to be terribly handsome, something that almost everyone agrees with, consciously or not. Short and dark skinned, with sharp cheekbones and a prominent nose, he’s a bit of a heartthrob, in a very intense and punk way. He’s covered in tattoos that never seem to go out of style, and not like Taylor Swift. But there are still things about him that don’t seem... quite right. Is it the light, or are his eyes shining red? Are his teeth that sharp? His sparks strike from his fingers as he snapped just then? Can anyone really be that elegant in a ripped Black Flag t-shirt and jeans more tears than denim? Is it possible?

It’s probably your imagination. Probably.

PLAYLIST

Temple Priest (feat. Paul Wall & Kota the Friend) - MISSIO

Oh, you lost? Well, I’m lost, too

Fallin (Temptation) - grandson

Anarchist - YUNGBLUD

Twisted - MISSIO

Despicable - grandson

The boy who fell into the sky

Bad Reputation - Adelitas Way

Middle Finger - Bohnes

Darkside - grandson

Bury Me Face Down - grandson

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

I’ll have you beggin’ for mercy, beggin’ for mercy, oh!

Die Trying - New Medicine

Riot Rhythm - Sleigh Bells

Little Poor Me - Layto

Call Me Devil - Friends in Tokyo

I ain’t no angel / Don’t got no halo

Despicable - Acoustic - grandson

Start a Riot - Duckwrth, Shaboozey

Who in here tryin’ start a riot?

EXCERPT

Lucy blazes as he walks, scorches the ground beneath him. He’s one of those people who has a voice made for a revolution, to whom destruction is attracted to like a flame to dry brush. One spark— one little, off-hand remark— and it all goes up in flames. And who’s standing in its epicenter? The pyromaniac himself. 

It’s rather unfortunate to be a spark surrounded by such volatile material. You can only blaze for so long before you burn out, but oh, does he blaze brilliantly.

His words go up like smoke, clogging the mind and sky as a reminder that he’s here, as though anyone could ever forget. Sparks jump from his fingers as he commands millions, stands in front of them and lights their tinderbox hearts. He looks so proud to stand there upon his throne of ashes, with a crown of flames, so tempting to follow like a comet’s burning tail.

He still looks so perfect outside of fire. An ember should never look at home in water, yet Lucy can blend in with the masses, quiet and undetected but still there, a static shock waiting for destruction.

And when it all goes up in flames? Lucy will light a cigarette off the fire.

[adozentothedawn]

16, 31, 45, 46 and 53 for the video game asks, please!

Thanks for the ask!^^ Questions here.

16.  Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?

 I don’t really have many friends, much less any that would play with me unfortunately. But I occassionally play Mario Kart with my family, or board and card games, most of which are german exclusive unfortunately, like Bohnanza (which is a pun on “Bonanza” and the german word for bean “Bohne”). 

I am also in a roleplaying club, but I just joined last year and with Corona I didn’t really get the chance to play much yet. For now I’ve only played DSA really, which is the german equivalent to DnD. Since Corona is slowly but surely dying down here though, or at least people know how to handle it better, I’m hoping to find some people to play DnD and Pathfinder with. (Which reminds me that Kingmaker is still on my list. Any opinions?)

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches? 

Not the DS really, but I’ve had that issue with my Wii, the Wii U and very rarely the PS4. I don’t know why, it’s not always, but sometimes I get really nauseous playing certain games. The one I can remember off the top of my head that I had this problem with is Twilight Princess, which sucks because I love that game. Sometimes I really couldn’t play more than half an hour without feeling like I was going to throw up. It hasn’t happened in a while though, which I’m very thankful for.

45. How are you at Mario Kart?

Eh, average I’d say. I can beat my whole family, which doesn’t mean much since I’m the only one who actually really plays video games, but I’d probably be stomped into the ground by someone who’s actually good.

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?

I like them just fine, I have New Leaf myself and I’ve had some fun with it, but I’ll admit, I don’t really get the hype around New Horizons. Don’t get me wrong, I’m defintely not juging. It looks like a fun game and I’ve certainly played weirder things, but I don’t think I could spend actual weeks playing that. If I just want something to keep my fingers busy while watching a movie or something it’s perfect though. 

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days? 

Let them burn in hell. Let all who think it’s okay to milk their audience even more after they already payed for a full game be interrupted while having sex with the news that an orgasm will cost them extra.

If you want to add something after having released the game, cool, go for it, but don’t make me pay extra, you dick!

Sorry, this thing just makes me really angry. I have not bought KH3 Remind because it’s a fucking rip off and Nomura can go suck his keyblade if he thinks I’ll pay another 30€ for a game I already payed 70€ for, that was really only half finished, and we all know he’ll make a better remake of in like 2 years anyway.

So yeah, no, I don’t like them. I buy definitive editions whenever I can.

[morathicain]

Really, I LOVE your FirstBohn fics!!! (I just sent you another ask, let me know) 1st part of the prompt: if you have time, could you please write a fic where Bohn is in some kind of trouble or got in a fight or is sick and doesn't want to let First know because he doesn't want to be a bother/annoyance to First. So he finds excuses to avoid First... (really, it's nothing original, but I just need some FirstBohn hurt/comfort if you can. Thank you!!)

Thank you, Anon! That means so much to me! <3

Thank you for waiting and here you go, I hope it’s what you wanted and you have fun ;) I definitely love writing more about First/Bohn, so feel free to send in all the requests!

Let me care for you

He was an idiot.

That was no news, to be honest, but right now he felt it more than before.

He was an idiot. Because only an idiot would go out and get himself roped into a fight despite promising himself never to do something like that again.

But here he was, back home, staring into the mirror in front of him, blood drying on his forehead and chin, smeared across his face and bruises forming and blooming on his cheek, his throat and chest.

It was nothing unfamiliar, nothing he wasn’t used to. The pain wasn’t even big enough to smother the guilt which rose inside of him like bile. The disgust he felt for himself.

No more fights, he had sworn himself and he had meant it.

But he had gone and broken his own promise, no matter how much he had tried to avoid this fight. Because he had tried. But in the end, it didn’t matter because a fight had still happened.

Wincing, he brushed the dirt and dried blood off his face, enduring it. He deserved it, after all. In the end, those marks would stay for a few days, the pain in his leg maybe for a week and then everything would be back to normal. No reminder for him to run away as soon something happened. No sign for him to just stop being himself. The one who provoked people with his face and behaviour and his ... everything.

With a sigh, he pulled the emergency kit from under his sink to take care of his wounds. With a start, he realised he had no disinfectant left, the bottle empty after only one push.

What?

Confused, he stared at the bottle in his bloody hands, unsure of what he was supposed to do now. It had never happened before that he would run out of anything in this kit. This was the most important thing in his home and he had always taken care to keep it full and ready.

Well, he had, apparently. Because now it was empty and once he looked closer, he realised he had only two bandages left and one of the balms was too old to use now.

When had he looked at it the last time? And why hadn’t he replaced anything?

Memories of First who had cut himself by accident reappeared in his mind and he let out a huff. No wonder he hadn’t thought about refilling the kit. He had been too panicked about First being hurt and had used everything to bandage his boyfriend. Maybe a bit too eagerly even, making First chuckle. But, there hadn’t been a thought about a next time.

Which, again, was dumb. First could get hurt again, couldn’t he? Just because Bohn hadn’t been in a fight since forever, he shouldn’t have stopped refilling his kit.

Frustrated, he pushed the whole thing aside and cleaned himself up as much as possible. He’d have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow and until then he would survive. No matter the pain.

When he came back into the bedroom, his skin burning from the bruises and hot water, his phone was blinking and frustration turned into guilt again.

Of course, it was First. They had originally wanted to meet since Bohn had only planned to go for a short drink with his friends before crashing at First’s place as early as possible.

‘You ok?’

His grip on the phone was tense, his mind whirling. He couldn’t go to First like this. He couldn’t make him worry and he wouldn’t survive if First judged him the way he judged himself. The way Duen had judged him.

No, he told himself. First wasn’t Duen. He wouldn’t blame him, but he would care. And it would be too much because it was Bohn’s fault and he didn’t deserve this. The time and attention. The care.

Logically, he knew he couldn’t hide from First for a whole week until all the bruises would have disappeared, but right now, he couldn’t cope with it, couldn’t imagine meeting him and explain all of this. Right now, the thought of First caring, was too much.

‘Sorry, it got longer than anticipated. I’ll crash at Tee’s place.”

The reply came instantly. As if First had watched his phone the whole time, wondering.

‘Take care and have a good night’

The guilt rising even more than before, Bohn gritted his teeth as he typed a ‘good night’ and threw the phone to the ground.

He hated this. Lying to First and feeling so ashamed for everything. His lies, his wounds, his fears, just him.

Curled into a tight ball, the bedsheet in his fists, Bohn stared into the darkness until he fell asleep, the choking feeling in his throat never going away.

~~~

“Do you need anything? I can bring something over.”

Bohn inspected the bruise on his cheek and decided it looked like a pinecone.

“No, it’s okay, thank you”, he replied as calmly as possible, “It’s just a cold, I have everything I need and I don’t want to infect you as well.”

“Hm ... take care of yourself, okay?”

“Of course.”

The bitterness rose again as if it had never been away.

“But just so you know”, First started once more, as if he wasn’t reassured yet, “I can bring something over and keep my distance if necessary. You don’t have to endure this alone.”

“But I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“Keep my distance.”

And because Bohn realised what he had just admitted, he kept on rambling, as if he could push those words out of First’s memory.

“Just don’t worry, it’s okay, really, I am glad as long as you’re safe. And you probably have better things to do anyway, so all is well, no need to come over and worry too much ...”

“What?”

Bohn clamped his mouth shut as he locked eyes with himself through the mirror. What an enormous idiot he was.

“Nothing”, he pressed out, because now he was so deep in, what was another lie? Another mistake? How long would he be able to prolong this before First broke up with him?

For a few seconds, he could only hear First breathe and wondered if that was it. If his panic had brought them to the end now if he had finally fucked up.

“I am coming over”, First sounded calm and firm, no doubts left, “We will talk about this properly, so don’t run away.”

When the sound of the call disconnecting vibrated through him, a weird kind of hope raced through him. There had been no anger, no disgust. This hadn’t been the end. Yet.

Because soon, First would see through every lie, would know how empty Bohn’s words had been and then the anger would appear.

With shaking fingers, he cleaned himself as much as possible, the unmistaken lack of medicine like a desperate itch. If only he had some makeup at home. Just something to cover up his mistakes for once. But no, he would have to meet First like this and maybe it was for the better.

~~~

First was vibrating throughout the whole way to Bohn’s apartment. Fears were racing through his mind and one was worse than the other. What had happened? What was Bohn thinking? Was he sicker than he had let on? Was he overthinking once more? Why didn’t he want First to come and care for him? Was he too much?

No, First knew for a fact that Bohn enjoyed when he cared for him. It was a need he had suppressed till now and First loved being there for him. To know his words and presence were welcome. So, for Bohn to turn him away, seemed more than worrying.

When it was Bohn opening the door himself, First felt a small wave of relief wash over him. He was there and he was standing and he was letting First in.

But still, something was so very wrong with Bohn and the way he held himself, his shoulders almost at his ears, seeming smaller than he actually was, his eyes wide and full of emotions.

“Bohn ...”

“First ...”

He was right in front of his boyfriend the very next second, despite his own promise to keep his distance if that was what Bohn wanted. And he would have done so, if it wasn’t so clear this wasn’t a cold.

Dark bruises and cuts were covering Bohn’s face and First didn’t even want to imagine, what the rest of his body looked like.

His hands hovering right over the wounds, he stopped himself.

“This must hurt.”

Bohn gulped, averting his gaze.

“It’s okay.”

Careful, not to touch any of the bruises, First brushed away a strand of hair.

“It doesn’t look okay.”

“I am used to it.”

This time, Bohn couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice and First kept his hand where it was, a feather-like touch, as he hoped.

First had known about Bohn’s past, of course. And he had been glad his boyfriend didn’t get into fights anymore, but he still had no idea why Bohn was reacting that way.

“Did you take care of it?”

There was some hesitation and First knew the next response wouldn’t be the whole truth for some reason.

“Yes.”

“You know, my mother has a really good balm for bruises like that. Frong used to come home covered like this almost daily before our father died.”

From the look of it, Bohn wasn’t exactly happy about the comparison, but First didn’t care.

“I will get it for you later. Or maybe Frong can bring it. He’s got nothing to do anyway.”

“You don’t need ...”

“Oh”, First stepped even closer, effectively shutting Bohn up, “I definitely need to do this. And I even want to do this. Now let’s sit down and let me look at those bruises. All of them, because otherwise, I’ll go crazy.”

This time, Bohn didn’t even try to stop First, but followed him silently, his hand clammy in First’s. Because he had probably been going crazy the whole time. Because he was probably still nervous and afraid.

“Sorry”, he murmured as First was looking at his different wounds carefully, making sure he didn’t touch any sensitive bits of skin.

“What for?”, First asked back, equally as quiet.

“For not telling you the truth”, First nodded but kept his eyes on the wounds, “And for getting into a fight and making you worry.”

With a sigh, First gently pressed his knuckle against a bit of skin without a bruise on it.

“Why do you apologise for the last two? Would you rather have it if I don’t care?”

The thought seemed to take Bohn back: “I ... no, I mean ... I don’t want to worry you so much. You have other things to do and I don’t want to disturb you. Especially not for something like this.”

“So, you tell me I should simply ignore it the next time you’re hurt like this? Tell you I have something else to work at?”

The pain in Bohn’s whole body at the image was so strong, First took his hands into his own, holding them tight despite his grazed knuckles.

“No, of course not. I ... am just sorry I even caused it.”

Ignoring the wincing, First pressed their foreheads together as gentle as possible, his fingers drawing small, calming circles over Bohn’s neck.

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“No, of course not ...”

“Well”, First pulled back with a smile, “Then what do you apologise for? You didn’t want this to happen and I believe you. I know you feel bad for getting hurt, but it happens, doesn’t it? I hope it won’t happen again because I don’t like to see you hurt, but I will always care for your wounds and you. And it’s not too much for me. I’d probably go crazy learning about your wounds afterwards. So, no matter the guilt you feel, whenever anything like this is happening again, please tell me, okay?”

“But you have work”, was what sounded like Bohn’s last straw.

“Frong took over, it’s no problem. And really, you looking like that would make me close the shop for the day without a thought. After mom, I am the next in line anyway. And she wouldn’t protest anyway. Especially since it’s about you.”

There was a new heat rising in Bohn’s cheeks and First knew he’d managed to make his boyfriend shy again. Which, to be honest, was one of his favourite pastimes because it usually included compliments and lots of softness.

“Thank you”, the words sounded rough and First let himself be hugged as tight as needed, running his hands through Bohn’s hair in calming circles.

“But”, he pulled back after a bit, “I really need you to be honest with me. If you don’t want me over, I will accept this. But if you lie like this to spare me the worry, I will start mistrusting your words and I don’t want to have to double-check, okay? You don’t want me to doubt you as well, do you?”

“No”, after a second of hesitation, Bohn pulled him back into a hug, making it hard to breathe for First. Which was totally fine. He would stay, as long as Bohn wanted him to. Needed him to.

“Thank you for trying to look out for me, though”, First whispered, nestling his face into the crook of Bohn’s neck since he had no chance to move anyway, “I love you.”

Another choke and First felt tears wetting his skin.

“Don’t hurt yourself, okay?”

There was a nod going on somewhere, right before Bohn finally spoke: “I try.”

Well, that was the first step anyway. They could work with it. First smiled and let his fingers roam as gently over every bit of skin he could reach. To calm himself down, to reassure himself Bohn was with him, wanted to be with him.

“I love you, too.”

First wondered, his smile widening, if his heart would ever stop beating like crazy, whenever he heard those word. If a heart could burst because of too much happiness, his would have done so already, he was sure.

~~~

“We’re going to the doctor.”

“What?”

“I can still get my mother’s balm, but we need a doctor to patch and check you up properly. Especially that leg of yours.”

”...”

”...”

“You’re coming with me?”

“Of course. I mean, if you want me to.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“And First?”

“Yes?”

“Please hold my hand, then.”

the End

[maychild]

my engineer ep.3 🐱

*sighs* is this “relationship” going to be where bohn likes duen so. very. much but because he has a reputation to uphold as a playboy amongst his friends, and everybody, he’ll do everything in his power to make it seem like he “hates” duen??? 

...i think i’ve cracked the code. and i don’t like it.

THE BLUE ROSES FROM THE GRAPHIC!! AHDFKLDSHFKDSFH

I JUST...gdi why is he so adorable??? i cant handle all these characters being so damn adorable. 

(look, i restrained myself--otherwise this commenting would just be screencaps of duen in the flower shop.)

URGHGHHGHHGHGH i feel like bohn was actually genuine in that moment, but ofc duen has low emotional intelligence, and ofc there are going to be misunderstandings. 

but, also, i feel like it’s good that duen misunderstands bc if he didn’t, he WOULD flat-out reject bohn. because he’s just not there yet in his feelings. so his low EQ is a blessing in disguise, i guess?? 

oMGGG KING CAN SNIFF OUT A FLOWER IN A MESSENGER BAG???!! (this reminds me of psych--if u don’t know psych, one of the characters is called gus burton and he has what he calls a “super sniffer”--that means he’s really good at identifying smells and i swear that’s what the scene reminded me of.)

okay, but bohn’s friends’ teasing is decidedly NOT helping. and i get it--they dont know much about love & relationships (like do any college students???), so they resort to teasing, but all the teasing is just making bohn act like an utter idiot. like he’s not being his genuine self, and i feel like that’s where a majority of the misunderstandings are going to come from concerning duen/bohn. and it’s just, ughhhh--when u can see what the solution is, but the characters are being dummies. (feel like that is what’s going to go wrong with mek/boss as well--boss keeps teasing mek about mek being the husband, bUT MEK REALLY LIKES YOU, U IDIOT. and boss is such a player, like bohn. i swear, they’re all frustrating.)

OK, but what is up with all these girls stepping out on their boyfriends?!!! (lol--i know we’ve only seen nang & ging but srsly--i’m getting offended on behalf of my gender...)

MEK TO THE RESCUEEEEEEE OMGGGG I SERIOUSLY LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

LOOK AT THIS PRETTY BOI:

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THISSSS AHHHHHH IT’S BEEN 84 FREAKIN’ YEARS (also, ram is reading a book on dogsss ahhhh so precious--considering the very next scene...was he reading up on how to attract stray dogs?? he not only attracted that beautiful black doggo but he also attracted another stray--king)

this dreamweaver tattoo is fascinating...

U ARE DRIVING AND LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE UGHRHHGHGHGHH THAT IS DANGEROUS AND SOOO STUPID, BOHN, SRSLY, and you had a six-year-old with you, i know this is tv, but still...that is so stupid and dangerous, i’m seething. 

ommgggg mek’s shrine to boss...mek is a precious cinnamon roll so i don’t find it too creepy in this context.

ahh, that old-come-up-behind-someone-to-tie-their-apron-for-them move. i love this...do we call it a “trope”? i mean cooking for someone/cooking as a love language is def. a trope and that’s what’s happening here. ALSO losing it at that bunny apron. 

this felt wayyy too pornographic. like, whoaaaa there dudes, u’re not even boyfriends yet. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SPOKE WAY TOO SOON *this* is the most pornographic.

[sandalaris]

Any song associations for Scott Fuller?

I read this ask as I went to bed yesterday and my brain went “ooo, meta on Scott?” Took a long ass time to convince myself that no, this is not asking for a detailed analysis of Scott throughout the seasons, but I only managed to wrangle this into more of a half-meta half-song association.

There is no one song that can encompass Scott Fuller over the entire series, because he arguably goes through the biggest character development on the show. And I don’t know if it makes the writers geniuses or lazy, because nearly all of his development happens off screen. Most of Scott’s focus on screen is about who he is to other characters, primarily Kate, and not who he is as his own person. If the whole of From Dusk till Dawn was told again only with Scott as the main focus, we’d get a whole new show, with just a few scenes that would be repeats of what has already been shown. The same cannot be said about any of the other main six (Freddie you almost could, but enough of his story overlaps with the main story being told that there’d be parts where people would go “we’ve heard this all already.”) And since Scott goes through such massive changes through out the show, I associate different songs to him at different times. 

At the beginning of season one Scott: I’m Just a Kid by Simple Plan. 

They’re such a quintessential 90′s band that there’s no way I actually feel he’d listen to them (wrong time period), and that’s assuming the Fullers even listen to secular music which I doubt given the bits of evidence on their music tastes we get. I don’t think Simple Plan necessarily encompass who Scott is at the time, but they are a band I feel like he would think represent him and that particular song reminds me strongly of him throughout most of season one... or rather it reminds me of how I think he views himself, which is not necessarily how I view him. 

By the end of season one: Same band, because it’s such an “I’m an angsty teenager, no one understands me” band and Scott is very much an “I’m an angsty teen, no one understands me” kind of teen in the first season, but more the song Perfect.

I think Scott would feel it represents him at the end of season one, when he’s been rejected by his sister and his dad tried to mercy kill him. Scott’s all emotions and impulses by that point, in no small part because he’s a fifteen year old kid who’s going through a massive life changing trauma on top of the culebra transformation, which has been shown to cause some mood swings/poor decision making, and there’s no small amount of hurt and resentment bubbling up inside him that I think he’d relate to the lyrics about a son calling out his father for rejecting him in a way he didn’t before. Scott desperately loves his dad, so much so that he tried to turn him against his will so that he wouldn’t lose him. And Jacob, for all his good intentions, saw Scott’s culebra-ness as “something evil and vicious” that needed to be eliminated. He may have changed his mind, but by then Scott had stormed off believing that his dad (and sister) saw him as a monster they wanted nothing to do with.

At the beginning of season two (because the Scott from the beginning of season two is very different from the Scott by the end of season one): Middle Finger by Bohnes.

I swear season two could be considered the Season of Anger Issues, and not just for Scott. There’s been a lot of anger built up during those three months between seasons, most of it justified and/or stemming from hurt and none of it even beginning to be worked through. Not only is Scott a literal slave to the people everyone else managed to escape from at the end of season one, but due to the rejection he felt from his family and being turned into a culebra, Malvado’s people are the only ones he feels will accept him. He feels he belongs with them, and that he has to prove himself worthy of not being mistreated by them. After three months of being chained like a dog at the feet of Narciso, he finally gets a little bit of not-as-bad treatment and some freedom from Carlos. He’s hurt and angry and doesn’t know where to direct the bulk of his rage and ends up turning towards revenge, and the song just fits his mind set so well. There’s a whole big ol’ mess of stuff to dive into about him and Kate, in no small part because Kate handled her reunion with Scott all wrong and Scott himself was in such a stubborn child-like mindset of wanting to reject the person who rejected him so they could feel the pain he was feeling... and this ask is about songs, so I’m going to leave that for a different time. 

But all the Kate&Scott stuff leads to the end of season two: O Valencia! by The Decemberists

Not the entire song, since it’s more about Romeo and Juliet-esque forbidden lovers than siblings, but the overall feel of it. Especially the chorus and the last half of the last verse and that change in the line to “you’re blood gettin’ cold on the ground” just feels to me like Scott in those last few episodes of season two. He comes to so much clarity after Kate dies, is forced to face just how much he was ignoring up to that point. He was trying for so long to punish her for rejecting him and to convince her to leave him (and no one can convince me that part of him trying to get to leave was because as mad at her as he was, he didn’t want her actually harmed) and then... just like that she’s gone, and all the possibilities were taken from him and suddenly his anger goes cold. It stops being this hot, burning thing in his chest that consumed everything, and becomes something sharp and hard and completely focused. Which is probably plays a part as to why this particular revenge song reminds me the most of Scott at the end of season two, because it’s not this screaming rage of a song, but rather its more akin to a love song. The promise of revenge not rooted in anger, even if there is anger there, but in the love and commitment to a person taken too soon. Scott’s not setting out to kill Carlos because he’s so angry he can’t see beyond it, but because he loved his sister and now this is what he has to do.

Season three Scott: Mostly I associate him at this point with Fanglorious. There’s not actually a song that reminds me purely of season three Scott, but for the purpose of this I’m going to say it’s a tie between Reckless Youth by Pillar and 100 Years by Five for Fighting.

Reckless Youth is more a song that reminds me of Scott making the conscious decision not to slip back into old habits/resentments. He’s not drowning in his pain anymore, not being poisoned by his anger, not even wallowing in his guilt over Kate (and the others that died because of him) which is still very much there but it isn’t controlling him. And he could so easily do just that, he’s lost everyone at this point, has so many reasons to let everything overwhelm him and yet... he doesn’t. He’s made something of his life, found his path and followed his passion and carved out a little place for him in the world. And Pillar is a Christian rock band, which is a bonus tie to Scott for me.

100 Years is kind of an ironic song to remind me of Scott. It’s literally about how fleeting life is and how little time we have on this earth, (with the actual repeated line of “I’m fifteen for a moment”) and Scott’s an immortal (who is stuck forever at fifteen.) But it’s also about how precious those moments are, about acknowledging regrets but not letting them define you, and its about looking back on your past and accepting what’s happened while still turning towards the future, and all of that reminds me of where Scott is in season three. The entire feel of the song is very S3!Scott.

Scott grew up so much by the time we see him again in season three. Which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, I love the adult he’s becoming, and I’m so happy he found a way to not let his issues control him. But on the other hand.. he’s fifteen! He should be allowed to make stupid decisions and let his emotions get the best of him and get angry and throw tantrums and just be an angsty teenager... but then on a third hand, he’s living in a world where doing that will literally get people killed. It already has, and I’m not just talking about Kate. He doesn’t get to be a kid and a culebra. He doesn’t get to be a typical teen when the events of his life has buried him neck deep in blood and death and throwing a fit will result in a higher body count. And it sucks and it’s not fair, but life threw Scott the short end of the stick and he managed to make the best of a truly shitty situation... once he got his head out of his ass that is.

Special shout out to Teenagers by My Chemical Romance, because I saw it in a crack video and now I can’t hear the song without thinking of Scott. The chorus also fit Scott circa season two while the verses remind me a bit of him in season one, but was put to clips of Scott killing baddies in the prison while Richie looks on in surprise. It’s probably the only song that I can associate to all three seasons of Scott, if for three different reasons.