#that's without his self sacrificial stunt

[amynchan]

I vaguely recall a take somewhere that Wei Wuxian never actually liked Jiang Cheng and hung out with him due to the life debt he owed Jiang Fengmian. While I personally disagree (and no, I won't elaborate. I don't have enough knowledge to argue it academically within the frame of the surrounding culture and I'm painfully aware of that), thinking about it makes me hurt.

Because regardless of Wei Wuxian's motivations, Jiang Cheng did love him. Fiercely and recklessly and stupidly. Enough to warp him forever. Enough to hate as fiercely and as stubbornly as he did for so long.

This interpretation makes me want to bundle Jiang Cheng up, whisk him far away for a long while, and help him find himself after giving too much of his own worth to someone who wasn't truly on the same page as him (this isn't bashing. Wei Wuxian needs to do what he needs to do. And Jiang Cheng has to learn to live without him and his ghost).

Just... the thought of doing what you can and it not being enough. It never being enough.

Aaaaargh.

[therantfairysblog]

Cage.

The fact that obanai iguro only live for 21 years....more than half of his lifespan living in a cage like a cattle, being forced to eat until he developed an ED. His growth are heavily implied stunted due to his upbringing, he never saw sunlight until he was 12. He was never truly happy in his first life.

He was never taught to be a human, he was treated as sacrificial animal, even from his parents or his sisters that he should be relied on. Yet, obanai growth a natural empathy, for kaburamaru, he should be scared of it and he has many reason to kill the snake because of his surrounding but no, child obanai was craving of love like any other children of his age. He keep him company and take care of the snake even when he manage to run away from the hell.

Obanai sacrifice himself for everyone, for someone who he dislike, for someone who he didn't connect with, he acting as a shield. This is truly what hashira is. He embodied that principles even in his death, like what rengoku said. But obanai will never seen himself worthy of this acknowledgement. His self loathing are that much bigger.

Even when his cousin treating him cruelly with her undeserved lashing, he put all the blames to himself and take it to his grave. He care about her, protected her from a far away only to watch her living with no remorse, using their wealth that killed innocent. But even then, obanai never blaming her nor holding a grudge against her. Again, all the blame, he put it to himself.

His trauma is that big that he never seen himself as pure, he never seen himself worth of love, he never seen himself could be loved by Kanroji, the beautiful lady from a great family, unlike him. His love for her, is natural and pure, without any intention for it to be replied back.

Life is too cruel for a man who barely an adult, who barely being given his freedom, to bear this much burden on his already small frame. Until he was forever resting, Obanai never fully breaking his chain from that cage and it was so heartbreaking.

Out of all reincarnation,he deserved this much, with no recollection of his painful memories, just a normal boy growing up with a normal family, falling in love and being loved like other people do.

[mimiruku]

╰┈┈┈┈➤ @discendia & @dreamieparadise. Sending out question to you guys feels like playing volleyball. But thank you nonetheless, Nimo helped me brainstorm some answers since I've always felt that Miruku's incompatibility scale is through the roof. There's always this pesky plexiglass between him & you, this will be a bit clunky so bare with me ! Also! romance will be of no value here, love comes to him in different but equally burdensome modes . ( from least to most compatible !)

█ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘, miruku & them.

005. 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐎. He had not lied when he said he loved his son, you did not lie when you said you love your friends, but your truth is laden with severity. He is not a kind man, truthfully neither are you. But one is stubborn and stunted and one may still grow, let this be a lesson to you. ; ( It's easy to grow heartless, Miruku too can be this way. )

004. 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐄. Your tenderness comes with mutilation, so does hers. Remember, kindness is not without sacrifices, you must do what is right even if it hurts. She will remind you of this, you will learn how to smile like she have had, be the sacrificial lamb that do not cry. ; ( They reflect the same gentleness and resilience, someday, their smiles will echo each other. Luce & Miruku are for the slaughter, but that's fine, they are not angry. They will forgive you. )

003. 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄. His ( Him ? You ? ) attention will be like the sun, Glorious at first, but then it just—burns. Be wary of things that resembles comfort, it will leave you astray. ; ( There is a meeting of the minds in terms of temperament and disposition, there is an understanding of risk that they both carry. There is commiseration in that but there is such a thing as too comfortable. )

002. 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈 𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄. Hold each other close, lick each other's wound. You will hear the same sounds as he does, there is a knocking, rattling beneath the floor boards, a beating heart you will call guilt. You will say ' he had it coming' , he looks at you mourning. ' you had it coming too. ' Be cautious of those that know only loyalty to the self, they cry with a knife in their hands. ; ( They have a different cost, but they are the same kind of extremist, if they must ! they will. They speak in the same tone ' we had to do it' & ' why did you make me do this' . Miruku & Shoichi are most alike in terms of desperation.)

001. 𝐁𝐘𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐍. You do not belong here, neither does he. But you are painted in the same hues of isolation, it will feel good to touch each other's familiar outline. Be forewarned, he does not love you, neither do you, there is no kindness here, but the bed will be soft and the food will be sweet. ; ( I don't really talk about this enough, but Miruku & Byakuran are most alike in terms of the affairs of the heart, perpetually isolated from the rest of the world and yet there is a conceptualization of love and companionship. They understand each other the most in this way, but there is an innate desire to possess things that are familiar. )

[eorzeashan]

THE FINAL CHAPTER: a rather chaotic compilation of some truly throne-ending stuff, KOTET (Battle of Odessen to Eternal Throne)

Theron: Using yourself as bait is a dangerous game. You're gonna need some help.

Aww Theron... that's nice, but Eight would be so adamant about fighting Vaylin alone since he feels it's his duty to protect them. Plus being bait means you're supposed to be the only target. Self-sacrificial lone warrior whose only ever relied on himself psych eval yadda yadda. Not that Theron or Lana would listen either, which results in an ugh fine from our favorite operative.

I guess he got so stubborn he wouldn't even let Theron on the back of his speeder (which was a glitch where Theron could only run behind him like a pet) in an attempt to leave him behind for his own safety, lol.

To make this whole outlandish scenario worse, Theron not only could not stealth the entire chapter ("Theron, you're ruining my speedrun." 'Theron!' "Well I'm sorry I don't have stealth generators like you two!") he also lost his blasters and started fistfighting Vaylin. Yes, he also fistfought the prior mobs. I was very confused as to why the enemies weren't going down fast enough with 2 comps until I looked over to see him punching skytroopers with all the damage of a wet bagel.

This is why he tried to leave you behind, Theron.

One defeated Vaylin and a storming of Zakuul Palace later, and Theron still was having the same problem of aggro-ing all the mobs due to having no stealth and only his fists, so I tried to stealth out of combat and call him over to see if he could evade them........instead, he died while Eight and Lana buried their faces in their hands.

Which was fine since it let Eight and Lana stealth for the rest of it without him, but his dead body kept showing up after them and it gave me a mental image of the two of them dragging his unconscious body behind them by the legs after he accidentally got caught in an explosion.

Not his best moment.

Valkorion: The Sith who fled her empire. And the charming spy, sired by Republic heroes. Do they truly serve you? Or do they plot your downfall, to claim the throne for their respective factions?

Eight: I'm done listening to you, old man.

"Idiot. It's the other way around," as Eight would say. He's fully aware Valkorion is making a desperate ploy right now to turn him against them, but he has thought about their loyalties ever since the start. It doesn't matter to him: he's bounced between both sides and has no right to judge. Even if they held no thought for him in the end, with him as the means for their own goals.....he'd still have fought for their sake.

Also, I lost count of how many times Eight called Valkorion a decrepit old geezer and told him to shut up these chapters.

Me, shocked: How is he tanking that lightning without a flinch?!

Then again, he did do the exact same thing during the Arcann fight, so maybe it's a combination of his sheer endurance/pain threshold as well as getting used to it. Either way, what a way to stunt on Valkorion. I'd be reeling if I threw lightning at an agent and they stood up. Extremely badass glitch.

Eight: My head's not a halfway house for immortal Sith, but I guess you found that out the hard way.

The only house it is for is Jadus, and you're no Jadus! Get lost!

Arcann: The Outlander didn't kill us. You did.

Oddly enough, I found I liked this ending more than the LS spare everyone version, most likely because it felt more cathartic for Vaylin and Arcann to face Valkorion with their full rage. Eight and Vaylin for some reason....saw eye-to-eye in their brief and vitriolic interactions, which sounds insane to say but can be attributed to how they understand primal emotion more than anything else.

It also felt more rewarding to fight the whole family with little to no help-- as an Echani warrior and one who fights alone, Eight would have it no other way; anything less than their full power would besmirch the honor of their duel and if he cannot have honor anywhere else, he'll make damn sure to have it on the battlefield. No help. No mitigation. Just his own strength, and theirs.

Lana: Theron!

Theron: Go. Save yourself. I'll cover you.

Lana: We fight together, we die together.

Theron: Now that's more like it.

The besties....;_; And poor Theron's sad face getting injured, he looks like a kicked puppy?? Why is he sad? Did it hurt that much? I really love them looking out for one another-- I rarely ever got this moment because it was always Arcann and Senya, so seeing them literally go ride or die was insane. They're lucky Eight can't hear or see them; he'd have thrashed that whole room to bits. What kind of agent would he be if his keepers had to die for him?

EAT THIS RIGHT HOOK VALKORIONNN

Eight followed Theron's example and decided Valkorion's crusty ass was overdue for a massive whoopin', and there's nothing he wanted more than to beat him to death with his bare hands. No powers. No poison. No blasters. Just the feeling of having your skull bashed in with mortal fists. As a martial artist, it was his duty to bring that Sith Lord who'd relied too long on power borrowed from others crashing back down into the cold, hard earth... starting with his body.

Can you imagine the absolute bewilderment he had to feel seeing this goddamn agent crack his knuckles and decide to go mano-e-mano to his godly self? It's the ultimate humiliation.

He beat him. He had to. For Jadus. For himself. Valkorion stood no chance at conquering his mind, to be honest-- for that to work, he himself would have to have a mind like people and on the inside....he is not that.

I'll write out exactly how I imagined it soon, but there's something about Valkorion stepping in and expecting a man, and finding instead what can only be called a wolf in his place.

I also headcanon he only used Eight as a stepping stool to get to Jadus, who shares the other side of the force bond and is his real goal to possess; but where he expected an easy fight he got a mind he couldn't break because it in no way resembled that of any other sentient he'd met. Eight's other personal stake in this is that Valkorion is blocking both sides of his and Jadus' force bond, and for this arrogant Sith to take away what had given him meaning in his life would instill a rage like he'd never known.

Eight: No more nightmares. No more interruptions from a crusty old ghost. I can get used to this.

It's finally fucking over. This was an ultimately tragic part of his life despite the good it meant for others around him and the galaxy; but it had left him isolated and more soaked in blood than the entire agent chapter. It was his duty. It was his burden. It was his wound to bear.

He's laid the dead to rest, and now he will leave. Whatever that means for him.

[hieromonkcharbel]

Don't be Apathetic about Apatheia:

One interesting aspect of philokalic spirituality is what the desert fathers describe as “apatheia”. It is the fruit of one’s long struggle with the passions through the ascetic life and prayer and is considered a positive state of grace. Even though the word has its origin in stoic philosophy, in the Eastern Christian spiritual tradition it has nothing to do with stoic apathy, or what might be considered a state of indifference. “It is a positive state of self-control, or rather, Christ-control or Spirit-control. It is the stilling of all the passionate thoughts through askesis, purity of heart, and the gift of tears. It is being anchored and rooted in God, in the peace that passes all understanding” (Coniaris, “Beginners Introduction to the Philokalia, 70).

Thus, it expresses a kind of deep freedom that only comes through absolute dependence upon God and His grace. Apatheia is not something one achieves simply through strength of will but rather through such a radical openness to God’s grace and action that a man “no longer lives for himself, but Christ lives in him.” Also translated as “dispassion”, it has been described as a restoration of the state of our true nature and living in the freedom that is ours as those who have been made sons and daughters of God. The passions have not been destroyed but rather transformed and ordered towards God and the peace of the kingdom: man by grace exerts a control over the passions and is in charge of himself once again.

Psychologically this is not a suppression or a cutting off of the soul’s powers; not an unhealthy functioning but rather a redirecting of those powers toward the good and the holy. The dispassionate man is freer to love and give himself in love because he is no longer driven by selfish desire. We see this in the saints who commonly manifest the glory, the freedom, and the joy of the kingdom. St. Symeon the New Theologian describes it as a “foretaste of heaven, God’s reward for those who have ‘fought the good fight of faith’” (Coniaris, 74).

This transfiguration of the passions has been captured beautifully by St. John Climacus who wrote: “I have seen impure souls who threw themselves headlong into physical eros to a frenzied degree. It was their very experience of that eros that led them to interior conversion. They concentrated their eros (love) on the Lord. Rising above fear they tried to love God with an insatiable desire. That is why, when Christ spoke of the woman who had been a sinner, he did not say that she had been afraid, but that she had loved much and had easily been able to surmount love by love” (Coniaris, Philokalia, The Bible of Orthodox Spirituality, 162).

The rewards of the struggle for apatheia are great and by God’s grace the passions can be turned into virtues. Anthony Coniaris writes: “pride can become humility; lust can become agape, the sacrificial love that God has for us; anger can become righteous indignation against evil; greed can become generosity; unfaithfulness can become steadfastness; envy can become ‘rejoicing with those who rejoice;‘ sloth can become diligence; sensuality can become spirituality - all of this can be accomplished by God’s grace and our cooperation with His grace through askesis, prayer, and vigilance.

Such a notion is so foreign in contemporary culture that sees and understands freedom as the ability to do whatever one wants and to satisfy one’s desires, even the basest of them without restriction, internal or external. Therefore, the joy of chaste love is mocked and denigrated because it is rarely experienced or sought. The bondage that most people in our hyper-sexualized or hyper-sensualized culture experience is so great that the freedom and the increased capacity for love is beyond their conception. Their true self and personality has become so stunted and immature in its development that it fosters a profound boredom and inner dis-ease that can only be addressed by constantly pushing the boundaries of what is moral and ethical. This shifting of boundaries gradually and inevitably leads to a disintegration of self and identity. The depth and the beauty of all that is good and true about the human person is exchanged for the superficial and the banal.

The fruit of dispassion/apatheia, however, is the restoration and integration of the human person. Fr. George Florovsky defines it as “a state of spiritual activity, which is acquired only after struggles and ordeals . . . Each person’s ‘I‘ is finally regained, freeing oneself from fatal bondage. But one can regain oneself only in God. True ‘impassibility‘ is achieved only in an encounter with the Living God. The path which leads there is the path of obedience, even of servitude to God, but this servitude engenders true freedom . . . In God the personality is restored and reintegrated in the Holy Spirit” (Coniaris, 166).

We are desiring beings, which means we experience a certain lack or incompleteness in ourselves; a lack that only God can ultimately satisfy and fulfill. Apatheia restores our ability not only to see this truth but also the freedom to desire virtue and “redirect the energy of the passions toward loving that which holy and good” (Coniaris, 166).

[jack-the-bear]

The Power of Eliot Spencer's Character

Okay, this is probably so stupid, but I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and wanted to share my thoughts on the power of Leverage and its characters, specifically, Eliot Spencer. LONG POST.

The power of Eliot Spencer. This character practically saved me. I was really struggling with my mental and physical health when I began watching Leverage. I have a bad habit of projecting myself onto different characters, but all of the previous characters I was pulling from left me with the same feelings I started out with: unsatisfied, unfinished, worthless, and weak. I felt like I was floating without an anchor, if that makes sense. I was trying to force myself into a mold that I thought I should fit in, but I didn't. And because of that I was letting my body get the better of me and drag me down, which negatively affected my mental health even more, and the cycle continues.

When I first started paying attention to Eliot's character, I was shocked at how much of myself, my true self, I saw in him. My true self was broken and needed a lot of work, and Eliot's character, whom I was felt so similar to, was also broken but at a place where I wanted to be, where I saw myself being if I could just get off my butt and work towards it like he did.

Eliot's character is, on the surface, confident, adept, physically and mentally strong, sacrificial, and fights for those he loves. Seeing his character grow over the five seasons of Leverage we were graced with helped me kick my depressed, anxious, and conflicted motivated yet unmotivated self out and begin changing for the better. Now, whenever I feel myself slipping back into that negative mindset, thinking I'm worthless, incapable, under-confident, anxious, and weak, I ask myself, "would Eliot Spencer allow these negative thoughts to get him down, to paralyze him? NO!" and I change my thought patterns, I hit the gym, go for a run. Turn the negatives into a positive.

Because of Eliot's character, I feel like I'm living my best life. I'm back in the gym every night lifting weights, socializing is no longer a chore, I have boundaries, I finally feel confident in my own skin, I'm finally focusing on achieving my MMA goals, my stunt goals, my literature goals. I have goals again and am working on them.

So, for all the thirsting and ogling I do at Eliot Spencer, there's a true, personal reason behind it. It feels strange, being so thankful for a fictional character. But I am. His character helped me turn my life around before I fell even deeper.

[life-rewritten]

THARNTYPE 7 YEARS: LOVE VS MISREADINGS AND INTERNAL STRIFES

So we are finally in episode 3 of TharnType 7 Years, and if it isn't apparent with my constant ramblings about this show, I am in love, like excited, obsessed, and incredibly happy in love. I know a lot of people are not like me, (it's always this way with this show) but the way the writer has left important character information, subtext and back-shadows in this plot has already made me hooked. The first thing I want to address is the couples in this show because I feel like people think the side couples are a waste of camera time and have no significance or depth, but this is one of the shows this year, where there is actual depth, plot and dynamics for the side couples. None of them is useless in fact; actually, if they don't have a plot, they're symbols/plot devices for the actual story. So stop seeing them as fan service, actually understand their characters, their flaws, their mindsets and see that we might have other couples in this show that are just as precious (with their own love story) as Tharn and Type. Or if you're one of those people who refuse to stop being closeminded about this show, then skip past this post.  But if you do love this show as much as I do, and want to know about what the story is showing; Let's begin.

First thing first is to look at the subtext, the patterns and what we could understand from episode 1-3 so far with TharnType 7 Years. The plot is all about all these couples having internal conflicts, sometimes psychological/ mental, which results in mindsets nurtured from their past experiences that have them become so flawed and stunted from growth. We've seen this same dynamic in season 1 with our couples, including Tharn and Type. 

With Tharn and Type the series, Mame uses love (the presence of it, the introduction to it and the feelings from it) to force our characters to learn from their mistakes, grow and change, and to reach self-acceptance and healing finally. Perhaps it's not always realistic (sometimes therapy is still needed, sometimes they take things too far, and sometimes the message isn't fully explored/translated) but its what I love about this show since season 1. The focus is on love, how incredible it can be for these characters and how it transforms them to their best version of themselves. In season 2 we have that with all these couples, they all have some kind of internal strife that is preventing them from growing,  And it's through love that they change.  Let me first analyse the couples, so you get what I mean; 

Misreading/Miscommunication/Misunderstanding in TharnType in 7 years

'How do past experiences shape your mindset, choices, and personal development and how does it affect your relationship with the love of your life.'

TharnType

Misreading because of internal scars

In previous season Tharn and Type has a fun time, getting together, this is me being sarcastic. In reality, these two struggled so much to cross that line, one because of Type's internal struggle with his past  assault making him ridiculously homophobic, and two because of everyone connected to Tharn's own history that contributed to his own internal scars at the end. Luckily our couple survived it all and actually chose to love each other properly. Except these scars aren't fully healed/gone, they still have affected our couple's ideologies, mindsets and actions, especially when it's time again to cross another line: Marriage. Tharn and Type are entering another conflict in their relationship despite their love for each other because of their internal scars. They're both for each other, 100% and they both concede and need each other, but their struggles make them incompatible despite the fact that they're actually trying to be selfless and caring for the other. Because of his past scars affecting how he sees publicity in relationships, Type doesn't want them to be exposed to the world or get married, because of his own internal strife of being abandoned Tharn wants them to prove to each other they won't be separated and needs them to get married for a peaceful mental state. 

Separately selfless and caring: Tharn is sacrificial and a pushover but we can see it's building up this episode and tearing him down, in fact, it was so depressing for him because he had to see Tong propose to his long term lover who by the way her speech was necessary because it showed what was on Tharn's mind. She says she's okay with being Tong's number 3 because she has known from the start who he was and she is willing to be selfless for him. In Tharn's mind, this is what Type should be saying, he should know who Tharn is by now and why he wants marriage, but also he should give in and let them get married because there's no problem to him with it. So that's another couple showing their love to everyone whilst Tharn has been in a relationship with Type for longer and is just not getting that. Still, he concedes this episode he pushes it down in front of Type, and secretly still hopes to get married a different time. But this is misreading Type because Type still wouldn't accept that proposal and it will cause a blow-up. 

The ring, the piano (playing their song) and the roses he was holding (passionate love) all symbolise Tharn's strife, he has everything ready, and was the one who played the song, held the flower, and bought the ring but he didn't have Type there. Type was avoiding going because he didn't want to bring back what happened in episode 1, being forced to again talk about marriage, (not selfishly, he's doing it, so they don't fight about it). Still, his absence also represented his misreading of Tharn's feelings.

In episode 3, we do see Type in denial, he is starting to realise that marriage could be a possible thing, and he knows Tharn wants it the most, (its what he wished for, for his anniversary in episode 1 for them to be together forever, marriage is proof of that promise)  he's frightened about hurting Tharn because he can see it is killing him. However, still, he can't get over his blockages and mindset, which is understandable. 

So he needs clues and evidence to start seeing Tharns perspective finally: the girl, Techno, his parents, Fiat.

 But we can see how Type is changing; he takes in Fiat because he wants to help someone like his past self feel understood. He feels inclined to help him not just because of work, but he kind of like takes him in as a young brother and nurtures him because he probably needed someone like that when he was younger. 

Hence this is why Fiat isn't meant to be seen as a devil in this show, but like Type, in season 1 he's meant to be misguided, stupid, irrational, and grow. Fiat takes the role of Type from season 1 (despite in his love story is more like Tharn will explain later), he'll do things and say things automatically. He'll cause issues, but if you notice  Leo (who probably is going to be in Tharns position in season 1 longing for him and being hurt because he's too late but also can be like Type in his own love story) is his calming influence. But Fiat will grow after his mistakes and love (losing Leo) will make him learn and grow from his mindset. Fiat is not just an object/boring second lead that just likes the main character, his involvement with the main story is going to cause growth for our couple but also lead him to his own plot with his own love story that's just as messy, angsty and romantic as Tharn Type in season 1. And you know what I can't wait to see it unfold. 

Fiat and Leo:

 Misreading because of reputation and protection

These two are so annoying, mostly because they're in the same position as TharnType in season 1 where they have perceived obstacles preventing them from the crossing the line even though they're in love.

We're introduced to Leo in episode 3 who definitely has feelings for Fiat. There are so many clues to the fact that he's automatically in love and romantically cares for Fiat. 

1.He clearly longs for his touch: they both keep glancing and looking wishfully at each other's lips each time they come face to face, it's there because they want to kiss each other, they're pulled to each other in that way

2. He drops everything for Fiat's safety, protection and needs. He will do anything; he even is seen this way by Fiat's 'friends' as the person who is the most protective and possessive over Fiat

3. He's jealous about not knowing about Fiat's state, he wants to be needed and trusted by Fiat above all. And he enjoys when Fiat is submissive and gentler to him. 

So why is he so adamant about keeping them as friends?

Fiat's reputation: 

Fiat reminds me of Stud (another messy, spoilt, selfish character who did so because of neglect) from another BL show Friendzone, he's flirty, and he sleeps around whenever Leo isn't around, he's a bit unstable without Leo by his side, rude, makes tantrums like a child who wants attention. When you look at it this way though, he's a child suffering from neglect, although he's rich, so he gets everything he wants he doesn't actually feel adequately loved;

He ran away from home when he was young because of a lack of attentive parents; he did this to get attention, and it's because he felt overlooked and not listened to. We see that he already acts impulsively whenever he feels slighted; this is important for his character.

.He says so sadly in the show to his date in episode 3: This was another exposition to his character's mindset; he feels misunderstood, unloved and not taken care of properly by everyone, including his so-called friends who also just see him as a child, and spoilt. He's felt always never seen. He says this after he realizes that Leo may be possibly happy without him in Italy. He was feeling lonely, irritated and bored with Leo there, but because he cared about Leo's happiness (Leo apparently said the camp was important to him), he didn't want to bother him. If Fiat were so manipulative and selfish and just saw Leo as a tool for emotional baggage he would have texted but no he conceded for Leo's wellbeing. 

His dependency on Leo: When he ran away from home when young it was Leo he went to. It's because Leo has always been his safe space, the only person apart from Type who shows Fiat in this episode that he understands why he's being so upset about the basketball thing, he protects and delivers care to Fiat. 

So why does Fiat feel neglected by Leo: because he's hurting from Leo's rejection/adamant denial that they are nothing. Fiat clearly has feelings for Leo (Stud did for Earth and also felt frustrated that he refused to take him seriously). Still, he's kind of been forced to sacrifice those feelings because he wants to keep Leo by his side. But it still 'breaks' him to do so: whenever he hurts he says stupid things, acts prideful and tries to seem spoilt hence how he spoke to Leo in this episode, but then he concedes. 

I think he's like Tharn when it comes to Leo a little bit, he's like Tharn was in season 1 when he was chasing after Type, but deciding to keep it unofficial whilst it breaks him inside and makes him even more distant that he's being overlooked.  One because like Tharn he wants to keep Leo by his side and do what he wants, so they don't fight, (sacrificial, he shows he cares a lot about Leo he's not selfish). Two because he also feels neglected by Leo for not accepting or taking his feelings seriously (hence being misunderstood).  

For his ego and self-defence mechanism,  he embraces his spoilt persona. You can tell that he only does it whenever he's hurt, scared, or his ego is failing, for example, with the basketball scene; leg hurting and throwing the ball in a fury in episode 3. 

Fiat is not selfish or manipulative; he's just spoilt. He's more like Tharn in season 1 than Type honestly. Tharn is also sometimes selfish, manipulative and stubborn when it came to Type. Tharn is just as rich as Fiat and was used to getting what he wanted. So he also threw tantrums when things didn't go his way, and he guilted Type always into conceding.  Type didn't always fall for it and was more stubborn and headstrong than Tharn.

 Leo is complicated, and if I'm seeing him like either Type or Tharn, these are his reasons for why he is not accepting his feelings.

Like Earth from Friendzone with Stud, he thinks Fiat's love is fickle; he believes he's spoilt, that he doesn't actually want him, he's just saying it as a joke. He thinks he's shameless and a nutcase, and he's just seeking attention. So even if he has feelings, he doesn't want to accept them because of this.

Because he is like Type and has some kind of internalised homophobia, forcing him to not think about Fiats feelings, they are raised in an interesting environment: status, money, reputation. Probably he, himself does not believe he could be gay and have feelings, so he sees everything he does with Fiat as friends, but he's clearly in denial about it, Just like how many times Type was in denial about what Tharn was to him and kept on insisting he didn’t see them as anything more than s*x friends. But Type learnt the hard way of what he wants especially when San entered the picture in season 1.  Type is Leo’s San, he will now force him to learn how he feels and finally accept it. 

Like Type with Tharn this season, it's about the reputation of the family, he's the person who is the closest to Fiat, and they're family friends it'll ruin what they have, the reputation of the family if they're in a phobic environment. It would be stressful to deal with the fallout. He's refused to cross that line to protect Fiat, and him like Type is doing to Tharn this season.

He just doesn't want their friendship to be ruined, so he does long and want Fiat, but he's too scared to be hurt or their relationship to stop. This is the same reason why Fiat sadly concedes, they both are keeping it undefined for each other not really seeing that they both love each other. The more Leo rejects and hurts Fiat and makes Fiat think there's no chance for them; Fiat latches more to Type who is this symbol for all the love that he never received.

 Although Leo doesn't neglect Fiat that way, he does make him feel misunderstood, stuck, and his feelings are being ignored. It's what he says to Leo, "You came too late" essentially you accepted your feelings too late. Jealousy is what will now make Leo embrace himself and push for their relationship (same as Type in season 1) whilst jealousy of Fiat's involvement will drive Tharn and Type to cross the line and get married.

Champ and Khun

 Misreading because of lack of self-esteem

Champ and Khun, my babies. Champ is going to be hurting Khun without realising it. Champ is really bad at love mostly because of lack of self-esteem, he doesn't think he's worth loving for some reason, he also doesn't see any point to love, and he's automatically cut himself of that. The thing with Champ is that Khun is different, he knows this, and I think we're going to see him feel this later on. But I think Champ and Khun are definitely like King and Ram, like King Champ is insecure about what Khun thinks of him and so he will also know how he feels but push it down because he doesn't think he's good enough for Khun.

We know that he's seen as dumb and dim, he mistakenly messed his university year, and he's just starting his business, so he's a little insecure compared to his friends.

We see how he is when it comes to love in season 1, he doesn't understand why people want him, and he doesn't feel anything to others in any way shape or form. 

It's either that or he's just so dumb that he doesn't even register how he feels for Khun as love, there other characters like him; Haruta from Ossans Love and Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee. They keep on flirting and doing this automatically to their love interest, but he's not going register why it's different, and this will hurt Khun because Khun won't say it out loud. 

Khun also seems like he struggles with lack of self esteem, insecurity, he's quiet and nervous all the time, he's shy and unsure about how to say to Champ how he feels, and yeh he also struggles to say how he feels. He's tried now to spend time with Champ alone twice, and he's shown annoyance in a polite way to both Type and Techno for being there. He's had feelings for Champ for seven years probably when they stayed in the same dorm, but he's not been able to gather up the courage to say so. So he's also going to be misread by Champ that he also likes keeping it cool and platonic because he doesn't know how just to say it. (Like Ram from my engineer) But I think he will get angsty the more he gets closer and unsure about what they are, and will finally say it out loud. 

Cir and Phu: 

The antithesis/symbol

Cir and Phu represent a couple that gets each other and makes an effort to let the other know how they feel, hence they don't hide or shy away from how they feel, they are blissful, in their own world, and they are the antithesis of these couples. But they also represent what these couples could be if they finally embrace their issues and see each other, Tharn and Type can finally be out and exposed to people, Leo and Fiat can finally be possessive over each other and show romantic ownership. Champ and Khun can finally tell each other how they feel and be in a relationship. 

So yeah, the couples in this show are all, significant, exciting and vital to the plot. They're not wasting camera time, especially Leo and Fiat in episode 3, we needed to understand why Fiat becomes our villain. He's perfect for it; spoilt, stubborn, and refuses to give this fight up because he's tired of being neglected. And Type represents a chance to be seen I guess to him. Tharn and Type and Leo and Fiat are mirror characters, they all learn and grow from falling in love, it doesn't mean they won't be messy, they won't make mistakes, but they're really understandable unlike some other one dimensional characters in this genre. Please give this show a break, and stop focusing on, on the surface information, listen to what the characters are saying, what has been shown and mentioned about them and think about how it affects them. Like Techno, for example, he's going to be a helping hand to these couples, for Tharn and Type he'll help push them to marriage (this is why he sends in the group chat that Tharn is cheating despite the fact he knows he's gay, he's not stupid or problematic he's up to something because he has to help Tharn find a way to make Type concede and want to be possessive of him), he'll also be necessary to Champ and Khun, he's already clued into their relationship dynamic, so he'll let Champ know the truth. He's playing the same role he did in season 1 for Tharn and Type. All these characters are essential, and they all fit the plot and pacing correctly. Stop thinking they're not. Okay, I'm done with my rant; let's see what happens next in episode 4, Ciao. 

[shiobookmark]

Ooh actually, new Utena theory.

So I've been following along with a certain liveblog (won't say who in case they see this, they don't like spoilers) and I've realised that while I like my previous Utena analysis it never really satisfactorily explained what the heck happened with Dios/Akio and Anthy.

All we really know is that Dios eventually exhausted his ability to save all the girls in the world, and Anthy stepped in to save him from an angry mob.

So just a quick aside to set the scene.

The reason Dios can't be Anthy's prince is that the fairytale prince is an explicitly romantic figure. A prince makes a girl his princess, his bride, and she is then loyal only to him. You could say it plays into notions of romantic chivalry as well.

There was a review of the film with Jesuotaku and Oancitizen which put this rather succinctly, to paraphrase:

A prince has to play a dominant role in a relationship, which means controlling his beloved in such a way that undermines her personhood, which will eventually destroy the fantasy of the prince anyway. Or else they have to be nobly self-sacrificial to all people and be unable to give their beloved special treatment, eventually sacrificing their own happiness and that of their partner.

Dios could not protect the person he really loved (Anthy) and still be a prince without either sacrificing his personal relationship with her and being a hero to all, or by forcing her into a subservient role.

As Dios, he tried to be a good person and hopefully help Anthy along the way, but as a result Anthy was left all alone in the world as he was too busy to spend time with her. He couldn't make her his princess because that would be a romantic role, and to be clear, at the time there were no incestuous feelings there. He loved his sister and wanted to be with her as a family, but his role as a prince forced them apart.

And when it eventually grew to be too much, Anthy decided to take on the role of a villain and hopefully free him that way. If the prince had been captured by an evil witch, he could no longer fight for the world. Maybe then they could be a family again, even if she had to be hated by everyone, it would be worth it.

The key thing is here, I don't think Anthy did anything.

She didn't seal away his power, she just claimed Dios for herself and herself alone. That was enough to get the mob angry enough to tear through her.

Maybe she did seal away his power to prevent him from being even able to fight, but if she did, surely she would have been able to give it back to him? Akio never seems to directly confront her about that, and I think he would. So unless it was a spell she could never take back and he was leveraging her guilt over that, I think something else happened.

But in any case, when Dios saw what the people he'd sacrificed everything for had done to his beloved sister, he lost it.

He probably killed them, but even if he didn't, he lost all faith in humanity as a whole. From then on, he decided he was going to be a prince to Anthy alone.

And at first it was everything she wanted. Dios was with her and yes she was in pain, she had to take all the hatred and resentment of humanity for his departure in his place, had to take all the blame, but she was happy.

But, as we covered, a prince can't be a prince to his sister. He can sort of be a prince to his beloved, but only if she submits to his authority.

So over time, it became twisted. Dios started forcing Anthy into that subservient role, tried to mould her into a princess, into his bride, rather than his sister. All the while he began to blame her for putting him in this position.

At some point, perhaps since that day in the barn, Akio was unable to access his powers.

Dios locked himself away in his own coffin, buried so deep down he could no longer climb his way out. Even worse than Anthy, he became almost entirely detached from his old self. And with it, his powers were gone. I think Dios sealed himself away.

And he was horrified to see what he had become.

So he used what little agency he had left to reach out to duelists. I don’t believe Utena was the only one or even the first. He reached out to anyone he thought had a noble heart, hoping eventually that someone would be able to help.

Akio found his own version of this, of people stunted by their traumas, so he used Anthy’s power to weave a garden where he could control everything and hopefully groom a prince powerful enough to break through to Dios’ coffin.

Anthy went along with it because by this point Akio’s successfully worn her down. Maybe she hopes he’d be able to return to his old self. She’s clinging to the past, hoping that one day they can be a family again. It’s also a bit of sunk cost fallacy, she’s worked so hard to help her brother surely just a little more won’t matter.

Dios didn’t know how to free Anthy, but maybe someday someone would be the prince he could never be. He lent them his powers as necessary, trying to raise one up to be strong enough to bring Revolution.

But his new self was always there twisting things. The cycle went on and on. It could be with the same players, it could be with new ones. Maybe they’re all going round and round in time. Maybe Utena is new, maybe she’s done this before. There’s lots of possibilities.

But either way, little did Dios know that no prince would ever be able to save Anthy. Anthy needed to make the choice to walk away. Anthy brought the Revolution. Utena just helped her realise she could still open that door.

[charliejrogers]

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) - Review & Analysis

Here’s a non-controversial statement: 2017’s Wonder Woman is a legitimately great film (if you discount the last act’s boring battle). A fun, yet emotional anti-war tale with a great period aesthetic. What elevated it from greatness was its starkly bleak reveal that Ares does not start man’s wars, but he merely gives humans ideas for how to instigate them. Ultimately, it is Man who holds responsibility for our own destruction, and despite this Wonder Woman still chooses to help us poor creatures. Cool themes, cool hero, cool movie.

Wonder Woman 1984 shares the main character from its 2017 forerunner, as well as its dedication to recreating a particular period aesthetic (here the 1980s), but the brilliant writing from the first film is gone. The main themes are essentially… “be careful what you wish for” and “winners never cheat; cheaters never win.” Not the most grand and interesting follow-up to the prior film’s genuine insight into human nature.

But that’s OK. I’m really not sure why this movie is getting so much flak online. If DC’s recent prior history with filmmaking should have taught us anything, it’s that 2017’s Wonder Woman was a fluke. Remember that this is the same studio that brought us the outstanding climax to Batman vs. Superman where one grown man learns that another grown man’s mother is also named Martha. Oh, and did we all just forget that Justice League is one of the worst movies we have all collectively ever seen?

So let’s not be too hard on WW84 for not meeting the quality of 2017’s Wonder Woman. Few comic book movies can. In the more fair comparison to other movies in the DCEU, it sits below Shazam! and Aquaman, and just a smidge below Birds of Prey, but certainly above Suicide Squad, and then literally leaps and bounds over every other movie they’ve made.

Let’s start with the good. Honestly, despite my gripes about the themes of the movie not being very profound, I found the story to be interesting. The movie centers around Diana Prince (Gal Gadot in her role as an archaeologist for the Smithsonian and not as Wonder Woman) stumbling upon an ancient stone whose inscription invites people who hold the stone to make a wish. No one takes it really seriously at first, so two people make wishes without thinking they could come true. The first person is Diana herself who wishes to bring her boyfriend (whom she only knew for about a week, mind you) from the dead. As a reminder from the first film, her boyfriend Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) had died nearly 70 years prior to the start of this film in a dramatic, sacrificial, world-saving act. Apparently, Diana hasn’t moved on at all from the 1910s and still considers her short-time lover to be her forever lover. She’s not really a human and did not grow up a human, so I think we can forgive her for not moving on… but it is weird to imagine that Diana somehow works at the Smithsonian (without going to college? Or did she?) without developing any friends or interest in life. Wouldn’t she have moved on... like a little bit?

Anyways, she wants her boyfriend back, and that’s wish #1. Wish #2 comes from new character Barbara Minerva (Kristen Wiig… who I am shocked to find is 47 years old! She looks fantastic and far younger in this film). Were Barbara a man, the way she is treated by her colleagues would put them in the stereotypical role of a future school shooter. Barbara is a brilliant gemologist for the Smithsonian, but goes completely unrecognized for her brilliance. She is shy and unconfident, and subsequently people frequently forget that they have even met her. Add on to that the fact that she has to work in the same office as Wonder Woman, and her loneliness and subjective feelings of unattractiveness increase as male employees drool over Diana while they ignore and mock Barbara. Therefore, we would forgive her for having a chip on her shoulder. Yet, for all this, Wiig avoids playing her as an angry, emo goth. Barbara kinda has this air about her of “Well, this is just how life is, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.” Given the character’s lack of self-confidence and lack of social grace, it at times seemed like Wiig was just reprising her old SNL character, Penelope, the socially awkward one-upper. But that’s not fair to her character. Wiig portrays Barbara with an earnest goodness to her. She’s one of those people who when allowed to talk one-on-one proves to be more eloquent and interesting than you could have imagine. Far from being angrily envious of Diana’s confidence and beauty, she’s more sadly jealous. Naturally, then, she wishes on the stone to be more like Diana… unaware that this wish might have some unintended benefits.

But then, there’s a third key character to the film (and a third wishmaker), the main villain Maxwell Lord (Pedro Pascal). I cannot tell you if this was a good character or not… and I cannot tell you whether the imperfections of the character are more due to the film’s writing or Pascal’s performance. Lord is another loser, and like Barbara, his “loser” status is the result of being a victim of America’s prejudicial attitudes. But whereas Barbara fell victim to sexism, Lord falls victim to racism. Hispanic in origin, Lord grew up in America with an abusive father at home and racist classmates at school. Beaten down from an early age, all he wants in life is to make a name for himself, to prove he’s not a loser. In a clever twist, Lord (the person who originally ordered the wish stone to come to America before it was confiscated by the FBI and sent to the Smithsonian for analysis) does not simply use the stone to wish for riches and power… he wishes to BECOME the stone. That way, he can get nearly infinite wishes so long as he can con the people around him to wish things for him.

The scenes of Max Lord as a flawed human who just wants to not be a loser show Pascal giving a great performance as a human being at the ends of desperation. The scenes of Max Lord the supervillain are… not good. In a long string of over-the-top, eccentric, hyperconfident supervillains in countless superhero movies, Pascal’s Lord is just not interesting. In fact, he is literally a weak character. He cannot fight for himself as his body is crumbling (a side effect of wishing to become a stone). Furthermore, his initially grounded motivations to finally be respected and successful seem to be just utterly lost by the end of the film when he just wishes for world chaos… only then to turn around and declare undying love for his son. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Failure to understand a character’s motivations casts a shadow over Barbara’s character arc as well. It is explained that the wish stone takes something in return for granting someone their wish. So as payment for bringing Steve Trevor back to life, Diana loses some of her strength. Still… this strains to fully explain why Barbara, after gaining Wonder Woman-like strength, turns into a walking humanoid cheetah (complete with bad CGI like she walked straight out of the cast of 2019’s Cats.) Like I get that she lost some of her humanity and morality in exchange for strength… but Cheetah girl seems like a little much. And though initially it is fun to see Wiig get to play Barbara as a confident and sexy woman who fights back against the patriarchy, the movie (I think) unfairly pushes her into the villain role. In my opinion, she should be treated as a tragic character, something akin to a Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, as her villainous tendencies are not really her fault. She literally had the part of her that cares about other humans taken away from her when she naively and innocently wished to be like Diana. Instead, the movie has Diana lecture her that she shouldn’t be so evil. She literally can’t, lady! Stop being so hard on her! In any case, it seems like a failed opportunity to generate sympathy for a genuinely likable character who tragically becomes a villain not through her own accord.

That failure to create genuine emotions extends to Diana’s story as well. As soon as Steve is resurrected, you know by the movie’s end he will be dead again. There’s no other way this movie ends. Yet, the fact that Diana is so stubborn in refusing to give up Steve makes it hard to sympathize with her. She is simply being selfish, making her eventual decision to say goodbye to Steve feel more like her finally doing the right (and obvious) thing, and not some heartbreaking decision. Also the fact that seemingly Diana hasn’t even tried to move on in the last seventy years doesn’t help matters for me: it more just feels like a lazy way to write in Chris Pine’s popular character into the second movie. The move certainly weakens the idea of Diana as a strong, independent woman by making her emotionally stunted and crippled for the last 70 years. It would have been a much more satisfying (and daring) choice if Diana had moved on from Steve emotionally and had to deal with the guilt of having brought him back by accident, particularly if he didn’t want to go back to being dead. Instead... Steve knows he has to go back and Diana feels no guilt keeping him around. It’s weak character writing.

These poor choices I contrast with two of my favorite TV shows that demonstrate perfectly how former lovers who miraculously reunite eventually have to say goodbye for good: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Jane the Virgin. For risk of spoilers to those still watching Jane, I’ll stick to the Buffy example. There’s an episode of Buffy (though technically an episode of the spin-off show Angel) where Buffy and her vampire lover Angel are fresh off their recent and tumultuous break-up, but through some dark magic that neither seeks out, they are given the opportunity to live a life where Angel isn’t actually a vampire and their love can be fully expressed. Yet, in the end, Angel opts to give up his life as a human and return to being a vampire. The choice is so moving precisely because (due to circumstances I cannot begin to explain) in choosing to give up his life with Buffy, he saves her life as well. Whereas in this movie, Diana choosing to let Steve go is really just her choosing to undo her choice to essentially cheat death. Angel, however, is actively choosing to give up a life of happiness he never wished for but was just given on a silver platter, and will now live in a world where his lover will never know his selfless act and will go on hating him. It’s heartbreaking in a way Wonder Woman dreams it could be.

And not to get too Buffy-heavy… but that show also deals with the emotional consequences of being ripped out of the afterlife much better than this movie. Steve just kinda unrealistically adapts to being alive again in all of five minutes. If, perhaps, from the start he questioned why he was there and hinted to Diana that something was wrong, the emotional aspect of this story, the doomed nature, the feeling of “this is the last chance we’ll have together” could have made this a stronger movie. I wanted to find myself crying when Diana finally says bye to Steve, and I was no where close to that. Gal Gadot shares at least part of the blame. She’s a pretty wooden actress. It’s something I noticed in 2017’s Wonder Woman, but in that movie she was supposed to be a fish out of water so her stilted presence seemed appropriate. Here, where she’s supposedly become an assimilated American for 70 years… it is just bad acting.

Anyways, another aspect of this film that was lacking were the visuals. The bad CGI of Barbara as Cheetah is just scratching the surface here. The opening flashback to Diana as a girl performing in the Amazonian Olympics just… looks fake. I don’t know. The reliance on CGI over practical effects is clear and distracting. It’s only worse in the subsequent scene where Wonder Woman stops a theft from occurring in a mall. The effects are just bad. Like passable for a film in the 1990s or early 2000s. But for a 2020 blockbuster, it’s noticeably bad. And already the scene where Wonder Woman is running towards the camera with a weird green screen behind her seems to have become a meme given just how weird it looks.

And yet, for all the negatives I’ve listed, this is a decent action flick. There’s even some nice set pieces like the one in the White House. As little as I liked Max Lord as a supervillain, I found figuring out the other half of each of his various Monkey Paw wishes (i.e. the downside of each wish) to be clever. unfortunately, each of the main three characters fails to have a story line that takes full advantage of their emotional potential, or they are just poorly acted. With few exceptions, the film eschews “fun” in favor of “seriousness.” Really the only exception is, as in the first film, the chemistry between Pine and Gadot. Their chemistry makes for some of the movie’s best moments, like when Wonder Woman makes the plane they’re flying in invisible and the pair flies over fireworks on the fourth of July. But that sense of whimsy in their scenes is largely absent from the rest of the film. This is particularly true of the action sequences, especially those at the climax. The seriousness makes them rather boring. Really, I’m comparing these action scenes with the last half hour or so of Birds of Prey which really set the bar for superhero movie fight choreography. So in the end, it’s overall an OK movie. It certainly isn’t as bad as others make it out to be, but I cannot believe I’m saying this… in 2020 if you’re in the mood for a fun superhero movie, you’re better off with the Suicide Squad sequel than the Wonder Woman sequel.

**/ (Two and a half stars out of 4)

[choupichoups]

meet cute ?

I… don’t know how to explain what meet cute means so here’s an example?

“Line up with me.”

Lucas lifts his eyes, chin still angled down as he pauses mid-text. He thinks he’s misheard that. Daphne can’t possibly be asking what he thinks she’s asking from him. “What,” he asks, toneless. 

“I don’t wanna do it alone! You’ve gotta come with.”

“Why?” He looks over to the booth she’s been eyeing for a while now, lips set in a grimace at the mere thought of the both of them queueing up for it. “You know that’s weird, right?”

“Well I don’t wanna do it alone,” she protests, eyes widening for emphasis.

Lucas shrugs. “Sounds like a personal problem.” 

Daphne retorts by linking their arms together and bodily dragging him towards the booth— a kissing booth, in fact. A fucking kissing booth. Lucas should never be caught dead lining up for something so absurd. 

“Daphy! Hey!” He puts up a bit of a struggle but doesn’t really use much force behind it. He doesn’t want her to accidentally hurt herself whilst kidnapping him. “I’ll just stand on the side and watch you, I swear you’ll be fine!”

“No! You can stand right beside me, you don’t even have to do anything just stand in line with me.” 

And so Lucas finds himself at the back of a long lineup with a bunch of anxious, giggling high schoolers and college students alike. When the girls had asked him to hang out with them at a ‘funfair’, he’d been hoping for a chill time playing arcade games and maybe even a ride on the ferris wheel, if he’s feeling frisky. 

What he hadn’t been expecting is a line of fundraising booths set up along a dim lit walkway. From food stalls to handmade crafts… and then the kissing booth. Which, of course, has a lineup that never dwindles. The boys behind the stall are from the rugby team in a university nearby, if Lucas remembers correctly. It only costs two euros at the least for a chance to lock lips with whichever sacrificial soul is on shift. 

Lucas eventually gets over his hang up on joining Daphne in line and continues with their chitchat, keeping his head down to track the other conversation he’s having with the boys in the group chat. 

They’re about three people behind when movement from the front has him looking up and boy is he sent right back into fight or flee instincts, mostly leaning towards flee, if he’s being honest. 

“Wow. That’s…” 

“Eliott!” Daphne squeals out, covering her mouth with both hands as if afraid that the Greek god himself would hear them. “Oh my god!” 

Who? He looks at her strangely. “You know their names?” But he doesn’t wait for an answer. The guy— Eliott? grins down at the next person in line and Lucas’ internal organs spontaneously transform themselves into butterflies. He thinks that’s his cue to leave. “I’m just gonna go… stand… there…” He flaps his hand vaguely in the direction behind them and slowly backs out but Daphne circles an iron grip around his arm and vehemently shakes her head. 

“Moral support!” she hisses out. 

Oh god, only one more person in front of them. 

The interaction lasts longer than the last because the girl is bravely trying to flirt her way into getting free kisses instead. Eliott laughs, gracious in his attempts to turn her down. Lucas’ heart palpitates at the sound of it.

Daphne’s phone starts ringing. Lucas stares at her, whispering a warning, “Don’t answer that, don’t—”

“Hello?” She fucking answers the call. There’s a short lag with just her nodding along to whoever’s talking on the other line while Lucas looks on in disbelief. “I need to take this, sorry!” she says eventually, scurrying out of the line faster than Lucas can scream bloody murder. 

Shit. He needs to leave the line before the girl in front of him—

“Hi.” Eliott says, and Lucas, without removing his eyes from the fascinating rocks on the ground, has a feeling the guy is talking to him.

Shit.

“Hi,” he greets back. Not wanting to seem too weird, he looks up, swallowing back the nerves that rise to the surface at the intensity of Eliott’s gaze. His delayed reaction is probably weird enough but one can only hope it goes unnoticed.

Eliott’s smiling down at him sweetly. “Hello.”

“Hi,” Lucas says again because he’s the brightest fucking crayon in the fucking box. “Hello.” Oh look, his fried brain decides to change it up. Keeps things fresh.

“Hi.” Eliott’s pressing his lips together now, looking seconds away from bursting into laughter.

“Hello.” Fucking hell. Lucas pockets his phone with one hand and fidgets with his hair using the other. “Hi. Hello.” Literacy is obviously his strong point.

“How are you?” Eliott finally moves the conversation forward.

“Good, good. How are—” Lucas shakes his head, flush rising up his cheeks as he’s suddenly very aware of the disgruntled stares being directed at his back. Right. Hot rugby player. Long lineup. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you up, I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, what?” Is that disappointment in Eliott’s voice? Oh! He probably needs the donation money, huh. 

Lucas feels around in his pockets but he’d shoved his wallet inside Manon’s purse earlier so, uh, that’s not good. “I…”

“You’re gonna walk away without a kiss?” 

Lucas’ head snaps up. “I was just,” he fumbles, gesturing towards where Daphne had walked off. “I was with a friend, she was nervous…” Eliott leans his elbows on the table which brings him down to Lucas’ level. Which means their faces are now much closer to each other. Which means silly little ‘butterflies’ is an understatement for what Lucas’ insides are doing right now.

“Yeah?” Eliott urges him to continue. 

“I don’t even have money.” Lucas trails off pathetically. 

One of Eliott’s hands moves but Lucas doesn’t think about it, unwilling to unlock his eyes from Eliott’s mesmerizing ones. There’s a resounding clink from the jar beside them and Lucas is startled enough to follow the sound. 

Eliott’s hand is still resting lazily over the top and he drops the second coin inside right under Lucas’ stunned gaze. 

“Oh wow,” Eliott says, bringing Lucas’ attention back to him. “Where did that money come from?” 

Ridiculous, that’s what he is. Lucas laughs, of course. How can he not?

“I guess I do get a kiss then?” he asks, still a touch shy, but confidence rising after the stunt Eliott just pulled. 

“I guess so.” Eliott returns to leaning over the table but doesn’t make any move forward, waiting for Lucas to close the gap. 

Lucas briefly entertains jumping straight into a proper kiss. Maybe it’d be good enough to have Eliott ending his shift early and spending the rest of the night with Lucas instead. But a small part of him wants to poke at it first, see how far Eliott’s interest goes, play a fun little game they might enjoy. 

So he leans up and plants a small, closed mouthed kiss on Eliott’s lips, a heady rush going through him when he pulls away only to see Eliott chasing after his touch, eyes still closed and brows furrowed in frustration. 

“Oh, sorry,” Lucas teases, biting his lip playfully. Eliott’s eyes drop down to them. “The sign says 2 euros for a peck. Don’t wanna cheat, you know.” 

Eliott doesn’t respond. Instead, he leans back, digs around in his back pocket, and pulls out a whole twenty. Lucas laughs incredulously— the guy has got to be bluffing. He can’t be serious.

Except he is serious. Without breaking eye contact, Eliott drops the entire bill in the jar, self satisfied smirk in place as he resumes his casual elbow to table position. “Wanna try that again?” Eliott asks, words challenging and eyes hopeful.

Lucas doesn’t even pretend to think about it.

[theorynexus]

59:  The Continuing Adventures of Dave and Roxy, as well as the concerns assailing them.

Yay, the Charleston!   (Boo the fact that if Jake’s targeted by a sniper, Dave can’t so easily react by slowing down time and tackling him out of the way, or whatever!)

***sagenods, despite never having had anything like his own experience, myself***

It’s good to see that in quantifiable terms, there. Also good to see Dave’s awkward insecurity on the matter never faded away during those recognition stages. It makes it at least 1000% funnier. Ask Colonel Sassacre.

HA!   Also:  I love to see that paranoia in action, ramping up the comedy value even more and legitimizing my previous statement that this was funny, which some people would consider incredibly rude, probably! It is also interesting to think of the fact that the 30-70% enumeration suggests he goes back and forth as far as which of the two sexes he is apparently considering legitimate “targets” of his interest (troll biology/sexuality didn’t cease to be probably quite different from human reproductive systems, or anything, and Calliope/cherubs in general may very well be hermaphroditic either in a simultaneous or sequential manner, so I obviously have to recognize them here).  Obviously, there’s also the possibility he’s just not thinking of such other sexes due to is human upbringing on earth, were intersex members of society are relatively rare, and thus the idea that there are only two sexes tends to widely be embraced by (most, but increasingly not all) members of the Western society/civilization he dwelt in. I don’t blame him for his upbringing: everyone brings their own baggage into their later life.

Yeah... the Stralondes bring some interesting genetic factors to the table. I am not sure how much that actually directly influences things. Part of the issue is probably Bro’s impact on his life, which exposed Dave to a great deal of sexual material and almost undeniably stunted his growth in weird ways.   (Note: I do not suggest that his apparent self-labeled bisexuality is a result of his growth being stunted, regardless of the fact that one’s early life does indeed have an impact on one’s later identity; rather, I am merely suggesting that Bro’s influences, while dramatically increasing his capacity for survival in SBURB, and thus technically being instrumental to everything that followed, gave him psychological issues which everyone must admit made him struggle quite a bit over the years.   It may be likely that he would have developed the same sexual dispositions regardless of the scars Bro inflicted on him [both emotional and physical], but we can never truly know, for Time is weird: issues are entangled.)

Dirk, you named yourself after a Platonic work!   How can you not understand how great and important relationships which reach to the point of bonds between souls and transcend the physicality of sexual relations can be?!?!?!

GAH, I just... sometimes, you really can’t expect reasonable thoughts from this guy, can you?

On the other hand, let’s just all take a moment to celebrate the irony of “... even my harshest critics would never accuse me of such cruelty” from Dirk Strider. Best. Fricking. bundle of words that ever emerged from his mouth, probably.

I would argue that even without the opposition, displays of gender are by no means culturally vestigial in the same way that fashion generally is not. It’s a direct reflection of the soul, projected outward.  (Like a person’s hat, or shirt. [Dirk having a hat on his shirt was not just a reflection of the fact that he was “kid bro,” or whatever, but was actually an early suggestion of his Heart aspect.]) Obviously, this is limited by the resources, imagination, and environment/occupation of the individual involved, and there are in fact numerous things which are more important for a person in reality, but that doesn’t mean that it’s something to be dismissed like that altogether.

***cough projected future dramatic irony, cough***   Also ironic insofar as I am not 100% sure he actually cares about Roxy’s identity/gender issues so much as he might find them annoying and boring to be dragged through. Somewhat ironic+hilarious for a fellow Heart player to find this kind of thing unbearable, if so.   Maybe it’s just the Prince in him.

It is good of you to be concerned for her well-being, I suppose. Considering it is your own identity that is at issue, here, I would suggest you hold a little more weight, but regardless, this is good.  As for the matter of your transformation and dissatisfaction with your hair as it is now:  I suppose Dave’s step by step relation of his own journey as made quite an impression on you.   Hopefully, you do not feel jealous, but rather, patiently continue to contemplate your own path and, as Alt!Calliope suggests you might think, head toward a more potent and firm+real understanding of your own identity+self.  It is okay to be uncertain and questioning, for now.  I’m sure the shakiness of first steps will give way to confidence naturally in due time. These things are not easy, obviously, but reaching out to someone who’s had similar struggles is a good choice: it will likely make things easier, especially since he’s someone you can dependably put your trust in, despite his flippant, awkward attitude in general. (Also: on a more abstract note, it is interesting to see Roxy ascribing meaninglessness to her hair choice, and expressing lack of understanding on her identity issues. Very tight writing, on Hussie’s part, making the kids reflect their aspects and struggle so keenly with things relating to them.)

Given the fact that Cherubs naturally have very violent sex and spend eons before their first (and only?) sexual encounter, that’s not really much of an insult, if “virgin” should ever be considered one to begin with.  Pompous is definitely more accurate and applicable, though. Also:  Hooray, actually saying things, and getting the size of his text back again! (I am not actually really cheering for Dirk so much as I am finding it interesting for the sake of the ongoing conflict acting as an undercurrent to the storytelling, right now. It’s truly fascinating to see two narrators fighting amongst themselves like this! )

Everything about this (especially Alt!Calliope’s confidence and her “’human tanties’” line) is incredibly amusing. I love it.

Lil Cal might beg to differ. But that is a complicated tangent which does not deal with this version of Dirk directly.     (Preemptive Edit:  Also funny because of the fact that Doc Scratch is literally a walking, talking puppet with a Dirk inside.)

Yes, justifying toying with your friends because you know them and have investment in their lives therefore is indeed very logical, reasonable, and highly rational of you to do. Thank you for this brilliant insight into the human condition.

Oh, so this is now a reference to the Charles Whitman shootings at the University of Texas?   That is a very interesting and curious choice to portray Dirk’s derangement with, especially considering the earlier statement about Dirk knowing solitude in a similar manner to Alt!Calliope’s own knowledge of it.    (Almost appropriate, considering she basically destroyed the fabric of Paradox Space to kill her brother in cold blood [the way revenge and Eternity are best served], but I guess this is a digression~)

I wonder if he really intends this, or if it is in fact a ruse in order to time things perfectly such that he can in fact shoot Alt!Calliope in Jade’s body without her initially expecting it. Particularly since, if I am thinking of the correct gun, it actually shoots portals that allow for ridiculously long range shots that would normally be impossible.

Wow, that is cold, Alt!Calliope, throwing Rose under the bus like that.   Also:  I suddenly have “ Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row! Row! Fight the power! Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable. Row! Row! Fight the power!” playing in my head, as if this were a flash animation. That thought process really puts things in perspective, if this is supposed to be  (at least to him) a tale of Dirk fighting against causality and the will of Paradox Space to make things become irrelevant and to fade out of perception.

Guaranteed to blow [somebody’s] mind.

She warned you about---

History repeating itself.

Such anime. Such wonders.  Man, this is really fricking interesting, seeing Dirk and Calliope actually going at it on a twinned physical and metaphysical battlefield!   It’s like we’re finally being shown a cherub predomination contest in action!    (I wonder if Alt!Calliope will eventually fall into caliginous attraction for him. This would be quite amusing.)

Wow, that was probably a bad move taken at an inopportune time. The question is: Is she forced to make that by laws of narrative relevance, or is it a purposeful decision on her part to spitefully turn away from him, despite the likely imminent consequences. On the other hand: This could be a very powerful and shrewd tactic on her part to recruit Dave to serve her purposes. Given his presence at the event, he could either intercept Dirk (I almost called him Bro-- gah!) or save Jake, if led properly. If she is particularly spiteful, she could use him as a sacrificial piece and have him take the bullet instead of Jake, which could be very, very painful to Dirk.

Huh. Despite Terezi’s comment about onions not making people cry, Trolls are inherently averse to them in the same way that dogs are to chocolate, huh? Also, people are Ogres, and Homestuck is Shrek. This is definitely the unadulterated truth. Additionally:   Pffft.  It seems that the idea that the Green Sun Black Hole’s presence making Roxy’s own void less effective for everyone might be true!   Or, alternatively, Dave just knows enough to make the guess. Or both, possibly.

Pffft. She’s oblivious to her own inscrutability!   Perfect. XD That said: YES!   HECK YES!  HECK FRICKING YES, ROXY SHADES!!!   :’D (Oh, and shades are a symbol of the Void [not just because they keep out light, but because they block the eyes, which are symbolic of Light and Heart, but more importantly for this, Light], the same way that alcohol and oceans are. Somewhat surprising that she didn’t have a pair of them already, at this point, if we’re being totally honest.)

Yeah, if it was not obvious that the method of Alt!Calliope informing Dave of this threat would be subtle like that rather than a direct statement/command, then I don’t know what is obvious to you guys.

This, psychologically+sociologically, makes a great deal of sense, considering humans seem to have a natural propensity for feeling distasteful towards some sort of “other,” regardless of what it is. Thus, there’s a double-edged sword involved, quite logically, and somewhat saddeningly, to the otherwise open and accepting mentality that humans seem to have socially adopted in their new environment.       At the same time, the way that this is delivered is horribly hilarious (tragi-comically so), and I’m barely sorry that I find that to be the case.

Yes. Yes, it was cute, indeed. Sad to see it go, somewhat.  But his question is incredibly silly and very awkward, just as is natural for Dave. Thus, I find it acceptable and in-character, not insulting or narrow-minded, as some might.

***laughs alongside them, for indeed, this has all become quite funny, despite the fact that it is a “distaction [sic.]” from the seriousness at hand***

FRICKING...  DANGIT, ALT!CALLIOPE, IF THIS TURNS OUT THE WAY YOUR WORDING IMPLIES IT WILL, I SWEAR...!!!

Okay, so you seem to have just used it as a convenient threat, and worded things such that he had time that he didn’t necessarily clearly have in order to basically take two actions instead of one.   (His jump to save Karkat could have cost Jake his life, or Dave his.)

As I was going to say, but was prevented from doing due to a belief that it would be better to include these lines too:   His statement about her being right about many things clearly, while initially making it seem that he was indeed going to take the shot, heroic death chance or no, almost certainly ensures that this is actually a subterfuge on his part (similar to but a reversal of Caliborn replacing the hats on the king and queen: in this case, he is switching his OPPONENT’s chess pieces’ appearances, making her think he’s targeting one, but is actually going for the other, more crucial target [as should be obvious, given the thematic similarities between Dirk and Caliborn, and the tendency of events in Paradox Space to rhyme with one another]).

Check.

Indeed, indeed. Alt!Calliope senses a similar pattern, quite sensibly, which is fitting with her role as Muse, and her understanding of it. Unfortunately, while she picked up correctly one one such similarity/resonance, it seems she’s missed some others.   I do appreciate this comment on immortality, though. I had not actually thought about that, and this makes his potential actions somewhat more benign. (Not that it would render his later actions as such.)

I really fricking appreciate the “no guts no glory” comment coming right before this extremely gutsy reveal on his part. By saying as such, he could easily be ruining his plan, but he just goes ahead and says it anyway. XD BEAUTIFUL writing, right there.

It was less intelligent of him to narrate his own action so long-windedly, but completely in-character.  It gave her the time required to interject like that. That said: I bet he’s going to fire via voice command or something like that.

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t underestimate your opponents, and you should not announce your belief in the futility of their actions to their faces like a stereotypical villain would!   Also:  WILLPOWER!!!

...   Yet this does not end the page, and despite the fact that it would be a magnificent point to end the post, I will not do so.  I will first say that I was almost certain Dirk was actually in fact successfully hiding something from her when he was messing with his equipment/tech there [and great foresight on his part, to think this far ahead, by the way], and secondly, shall end the post with the actual page’s ending:

I appreciate his continued devotion to realism in sound effects and whatnot.

To be fair, he could be using that term technically and literally, here, but I also very much do believe that he was not, which is unfortunate. v.v Thus, Alt!Calliope’s question is quite valid.   Though my guess is that Dirk’s response will be something along the lines of, “She chose death and you over life with me.”  This might make her a “bitch” in the same way that men in prison who are raped are reported to be one, rather than the typical insulting-particularly-to-women version of the phrase. Regardless, this is uncalled for. ~~~ It is nice to see the fact that Alt!Calliope’s text is getting smaller, now, by the way.

I don’t appreciate this mockery/show boating. It’s quite abrasive and distasteful. I do see it as being rather in-line with what I’d imagine his character would do, given the frustrating situation he was previously put in, though. Also:  This very much resembles what happened when he was first suppressed. There is much hilarity to be found in that, all things considered. Alt!Calliope was definitely a bit more benign in some ways and objective (most of the time), but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t some major similarities between narrators. Additionally:   I do quite love this example of narrative vs. physical action.  I only remember Caliborn/LE and Hussie ever engaging in that sort of contest before.  Well... you could say that there were a few examples of it with the Exiles and Kids/Trolls (like what Bec did to PM’s station, or Sollux’s defense against CD), but they don’t really feel like they were quiiitee substantive enough to count. Regardless!: Very refreshing and interesting, this style of conflict is! Thanks, AH! ... Buuuut there is just a liiitttle tiny bit left over on the page to comment on, so I’ll get to that.  (Oh, also, I totally imagine Jade falling asleep in the classic manner she used to before entering the session, just slumping over with her hands splayed out under her~)

Okaaayyy... if you say so. The fact that tranquilizers can be lethal in doses that are too high does not jive well with your uncertainty, though.   Oh, and also:  WHAAAAT?!  You’re going to leave?!  This is a completely unexpected---   Okay, I can’t and won’t keep up that charade when admittedly the couple of pages I read of Homestuck^2 before freaking out and stopping showed a weird-shaped ship that looked vaguely like a flying fish.    I had tried to forget about that, but the memory suddenly rushed back to me as I read that bit of narration.

Ehh?   Is this suggesting that the Candy epilogue is chiefly narrated by Alt!Calliope?   I mean... it would sortof work out logically, given her very pro-Free Will stance, and the association of Calliope with preferring Candy as food... .

Hmm. This further supports that notion. Iiiif that is the case, Dirk stands as the proxy for LE/Caliborn even moreso than otherwise was clearly the case.  In retrospect, this makes it pretty gosh darned funny that his head got chopped off along with Jack English and Jack Noir (who, holding English’s “lordly sceptre,” and holding reign over the Felt, was OBVIOUSLY an English stand-in, as well  [I still giggle at his sudden use of it like a horse {hitcher} in the middle of the fight]).       Very, veeeeerrry interesting. ~~~ I wonder if Dirk was testing the idea of interjecting himself back into the narrative when he said, “Jake’s ass is mine,” twice, earlier. Oh, and credit to Forgotten Homestuck Facts for the pic compilation, earlier. 

[caffeinatedtomato1]

Nier Gestalt thoughts spoilers ahead

I'm watching a cutscenes only video of this game since I've never played it and don't have the system for it.

When this game was about to release, I heard its soundtrack first and absolutely fell in love with it. I actually purchased the entire soundtrack from itunes without ever having played the game.

Now I'm finally watching it. I'm really enjoying the story, but oh man, I mean I knew it was sad, but it is always sad when the player knows something the characters don't - like how the Shades have families, thoughts, and feelings. The whole part with the young Shade and his mom, and then the robot - they didn't cause Gideon's brother to die - the room shook and a piece of like metal bar or something fell on Jakob. But Gideon wanted revenge, and Nier and team help kill the robot and the young shade. It is so sad D:

EVEN THE DOGGOS oh nooo they just want to be with their dog wolf pack nooo Nier and team please realize what is going on!!!

Oh no it is just getting worse! Now the humans are just going to hate the Shades even more - they're just perpetuating the cycle of anger and revenge bc they can't communicate with each other (literally!)

Well...it seems like the Shades understand the human language though, bc the wolf understood Facade king

Awww oh no doggos and humans friends but something happened and the dog wolves got separated from.humand or there were mean humans who hurt them??? And then they became shades (I wonder if becoming a shade is like...some being that feeds off of their negative energy, but they still hold memories of who they are originally?)

Ahh Popola and Devola...I had a feeling they always had all the information Nier needed...

Wait could Kainé understand the Shades this whole time???? I mean, she is part Shade, but (well first of all we don't know how she got to be that way) and 2nd, if she could u understand them, why didn't she tell us this whole time??? Like, the Shades are fighting us bc they are protecting their families just like the humans are

Also, Kainé gets nearly killed a lot. Like just when I think she's gone, she is ok. Like geez she has been petrified, impaled, and slashed through. But I'm assuming it is her Shade half that is keeping he alive.

Ok Devola and Popola, we could have avoided this if you just told us what was going on...like that's on you fam.

Like I felt bad for all the other instances, but this one was just dumb. Like, you've been setting them on this path, and Nier and team have proven that they're strong enough to kill...like what did you expect? It would have been easier to just tell them they weren't true humans and what their plan was.

And it doesn't seem like they weren't allowed to tell us. Like we were guided to this point. I'm not sure what they wanted to accomplish this way.

Also Emil...this is like the 2nd time you've done this self sacrificial stunt. Except I assume you're gone for real this time :( It is a little odd story wise though. It is like Kainé almost dying a lot, but she doesn't actually - it sort of lessens the tragic feeling? I mean, I don't want any of them to die, I'm just curious at the choices.

I know this game is a tragedy D: we aren't going to save Yonah are we? :( I mean, there is a bigger story here. First of all, why was Yonah specifically taken? What is the black scrawl?

Ok but despite all that I wrote above, I'm very sad for the characters. If only they could understand what the Shades were saying, they could have learned sooner.

So in the very beginning of the game, it said Summer 2049, and we see Dad and Yonah. Then there is a time skip of 1312 years.. so my guess is, the first two we saw were the original true humans. Something happened, and then Nier and Yonah of now are the fake humans. And the thing that took Yonah is a Shade (aka true human) and I'm guessing he is the real dad, the real Nier from 1312 years ago that we first saw. I guess he just wants his body back so he can be with his daughter.

This makes me sad bc it seems we have been the bad guy all along :(

Man, we sure are kill first ask questions later types...or not ask at all types

I finished the video - so sad, and the options to choose on how to save Kainé:( and I'm sad for the Shade Nier and Shade Yonah

But I'm also confused - like true humans (shades) vs whatever we are, like no one bothers to explain that more, or like talk to each other to figure out a cure for the scrawl? But at the same time I get it too. They really don't have a cure doe this disease, and the shades, like tyrann, don't really want to hurt anyone. They just don't have a choice as part of the disease.

I love how this seemingly random group of people banded together to fight and became friends and cared about each other. Like I didn't know anything about this game at all other than the characters, so I always thought the book guy was like something evil. But as it turns out, Weiss helped us thr whole time. And, as it turns out, no one was really a villain in this game. They all were fighting protect the ones they loved.

Really a beautiful and sad game - I'll have to read up more about it

[christiemouse]

Vrains wishlist

Imagine Ai and Revolver teaming up to save Yusaku.

Just imagine a scenario where Yusaku is at the end of his wits and pulls a self - sacrificial stunt that leaves him unable to log out. Imagine him thinking this over even as he discuss a possible way to escape with Revolver because he just knows it’s going to fail anyway. For all the greater good kind of man he is, Revolver could be optimistic where Yusaku knows it’s already over.

And then somewhere in between Yusaku finds the time to talk with Ai, telling him he gives him his blessing to run away without him. Ai thinking Yusaku said this because he might be incapacitated and didn’t trust Revolver to be the same. Ai notices he’s more solemn than usual but chalks it up as the situation bringing his mood down.

When Revolver and Yusaku started the program, Yusaku swerves it out of Revolver’s intended course and Revolver immediately notices causing him to demand him to stop. It was too late and both Ai and Revolver disappear.

Revolver and Ai out of harm, but Yusaku’s trapped. And since Revolver realize that what Yusaku used was program derived from Ignis data (or whatever) he needed Ai to save him. Thus, a ceasefire happens between Revolver and Ai.

Imagine Revolver trying to keep his temper while Ai starts talking. Imagine Revolver duelling with Ai in his duel disk.

[hieromonkcharbel]

Don't be Apathetic about Apatheia:

One interesting aspect of philokalic spirituality is what the desert fathers describe as “apatheia”. It is the fruit of one’s long struggle with the passions through the ascetic life and prayer and is considered a positive state of grace. Even though the word has its origin in stoic philosophy, in the Eastern Christian spiritual tradition it has nothing to do with stoic apathy, or what might be considered a state of indifference. “It is a positive state of self-control, or rather, Christ-control or Spirit-control. It is the stilling of all the passionate thoughts through askesis, purity of heart, and the gift of tears. It is being anchored and rooted in God, in the peace that passes all understanding” (Coniaris, “Beginners Introduction to the Philokalia, 70).

Thus, it expresses a kind of deep freedom that only comes through absolute dependence upon God and His grace. Apatheia is not something one achieves simply through strength of will but rather through such a radical openness to God’s grace and action that a man “no longer lives for himself, but Christ lives in him.” Also translated as “dispassion”, it has been described as a restoration of the state of our true nature and living in the freedom that is ours as those who have been made sons and daughters of God. The passions have not been destroyed but rather transformed and ordered towards God and the peace of the kingdom: man by grace exerts a control over the passions and is in charge of himself once again.

Psychologically this is not a suppression or a cutting off of the soul’s powers; not an unhealthy functioning but rather a redirecting of those powers toward the good and the holy. The dispassionate man is freer to love and give himself in love because he is no longer driven by selfish desire. We see this in the saints who commonly manifest the glory, the freedom, and the joy of the kingdom. St. Symeon the New Theologian describes it as a “foretaste of heaven, God’s reward for those who have ‘fought the good fight of faith’” (Coniaris, 74).

This transfiguration of the passions has been captured beautifully by St. John Climacus who wrote: “I have seen impure souls who threw themselves headlong into physical eros to a frenzied degree. It was their very experience of that eros that led them to interior conversion. They concentrated their eros (love) on the Lord. Rising above fear they tried to love God with an insatiable desire. That is why, when Christ spoke of the woman who had been a sinner, he did not say that she had been afraid, but that she had loved much and had easily been able to surmount love by love” (Coniaris, Philokalia, The Bible of Orthodox Spirituality, 162).

The rewards of the struggle for apatheia are great and by God’s grace the passions can be turned into virtues. Anthony Coniaris writes: “pride can become humility; lust can become agape, the sacrificial love that God has for us; anger can become righteous indignation against evil; greed can become generosity; unfaithfulness can become steadfastness; envy can become ‘rejoicing with those who rejoice;‘ sloth can become diligence; sensuality can become spirituality - all of this can be accomplished by God’s grace and our cooperation with His grace through askesis, prayer, and vigilance.

Such a notion is so foreign in contemporary culture that sees and understands freedom as the ability to do whatever one wants and to satisfy one’s desires, even the basest of them without restriction, internal or external. Therefore, the joy of chaste love is mocked and denigrated because it is rarely experienced or sought. The bondage that most people in our hyper-sexualized or hyper-sensualized culture experience is so great that the freedom and the increased capacity for love is beyond their conception. Their true self and personality has become so stunted and immature in its development that it fosters a profound boredom and inner dis-ease that can only be addressed by constantly pushing the boundaries of what is moral and ethical. This shifting of boundaries gradually and inevitably leads to a disintegration of self and identity. The depth and the beauty of all that is good and true about the human person is exchanged for the superficial and the banal.

The fruit of dispassion/apatheia, however, is the restoration and integration of the human person. Fr. George Florovsky defines it as “a state of spiritual activity, which is acquired only after struggles and ordeals . . . Each person’s ‘I‘ is finally regained, freeing oneself from fatal bondage. But one can regain oneself only in God. True ‘impassibility‘ is achieved only in an encounter with the Living God. The path which leads there is the path of obedience, even of servitude to God, but this servitude engenders true freedom . . . In God the personality is restored and reintegrated in the Holy Spirit” (Coniaris, 166).

We are desiring beings, which means we experience a certain lack or incompleteness in ourselves; a lack that only God can ultimately satisfy and fulfill. Apatheia restores our ability not only to see this truth but also the freedom to desire virtue and “redirect the energy of the passions toward loving that which holy and good” (Coniaris, 166).

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

Varvatos, Aja, Stuart, Zadra and Krel for that house sorting thingy-booper :V

Varvatos:  Gryffindor.  Because he cares so much about glory and battle.  He’s strong, brave, and very welling to run into a fight, especially for honor or those he cares about.

Aja: Hufflepuff.  On the one hand, I feel like there’s a strong argument for her to be in Gryffindor, but I kinda like her as a Hufflepuff a bit more.  She’s strongly motivated by love for her family and friends (also she quickly becomes popular/gains friends at Arcadia High).  She also can be kind (like to Shannon with the volcano).  I think like her impulsiveness and willingness to run into battle are more Gryffindor traits, but being a Hufflepuff could give her more space to learn patience (also who said Hufflepuffs can’t be fierce?).

Stuart: Ravenclaw.  Due to his curiosity about having numerous jobs while on Earth.  That and he’d have to be clever and inventive to obtain his human disguise device after escaping the government facility and then remain incognito for 30+ years without being caught.

Zadra: Gryffindor.  She never wavers in her loyalty to the royals.  She holds true to what’s right (joining the resistance over joining Morando).  Also, the self-sacrificial stunt she pulled to give them time to get away in the mothership feels very Gryffindor-y.

Krel: Ravenclaw.  Namely because during the science fair he was excited to meet his intellectual peers (and create a symposium of scientific excellence).  He’s inventive (he figured out how to fix both the flyer thingy he was in with Zadra in the first episode and the daxar array (I know I did not spell that right)).

Send Me 2-5 Characters and I’ll Sort Them Into Hogwarts Houses

[scapegrace74-blog]

Fictober Day 13, 1013 Words

This seemed like such a good idea at the time.  I have a new appreciation for joining words.  And halfway through I went back and took all of the hyphens out of the compound words. I had plans to re-arrange these into something closer to a poem, but you’re going to get them a la stream of consciousness, because it’s been a long day.  Happy birthday, Fox Mulder!  Tagging @fictober @today-in-fic and @txf-prompt-box.

Sloe eyed. Insomniac.  Whippet hipped.   Loyal. Irreverent.  Iconoclast. Ever questing.  Brutish.  Gentle.   Anchored by tragedy.   Incisive.  Blunt.   Trenchcoat wearing.  Squinty. Empathetic.  Bull headed.  Empty handed. Chestnut haired.  Chisel jawed.  Verbose. Mute.  Explosive.  Imploding. Battle weary.  Inquiring.  Patrician. Mythic.  Doomed.  Icarus and Daedalus.  Childless father.  Orphaned son. Wry.  Cleft chinned.  Mole cheeked. Mossy eyed.  Arrogant.  Gentlemanly.   Starry eyed.  Star searching.  Star crossed. Sarcastic.  Sincere.  Sister bereft.  Clotheshorse. Bruno Magli loafer shod.  Lapsed Jew.  Worshipful. Basement hermit.  Porn aficionado.  Supple limbed.  Atlasian. Byronic.  Jungian.  Dual fathered. Single minded.  Absent minded.  Plangent. Notorious.  Slob.  Meticulous. Curious.   Questioning.  Travel weary. Relentless.  Sleepy blink giver.  Dreamer.  Loner.  Divorcee. Masculine.  Donnish.  Recalcitrant. Fleet footed.  Soft handed.  Basketball enthusiast.  Point guard. Cerebral.  Banal.  Distracted. Myopic.  Long lashed.  Plush lipped. Sculpted.  Sartorial.  Pedantic. Open minded.  Seeker of truth.  Myth believer.  Ghost hunter. Monster chaser.  Mutant mirandizer.  Cher dancer.  Downy haired. Bronze skinned.  Outcast.  Alpha male. Intuitive.  Spooky.  Magdalen college attendee.  Boston Brahmin.  Magnanimous. Long boned.  Short fused.  Atheist. Believer.  Defiant.  Well read. Well versed.   Butter fingered.   Cancer defying.  Courtly. Charming.  Crush inducing.  Impervious. Huge hearted.  Vulnerable.  Outreaching. Defensive.  Green eyed.  Blue eyed. Grey eyed.  Hazel eyed.  Alien apostle.  Apostate.  Abductee defender.  Abductee. Apocalypse prognosticator.   Overbite. Sharp tongued.  Promise-keeper.  Victim. Prosecutor.  Wire tapper.  Unexplained light chaser.   Forever to the heavens drawn.  Teena’s favourite.  Bill’s choice.  Skinner’s bane.  Sofa sleeper. Desk jockey.  Pencil launcher.  Driver. Passenger.  Mutineer. Compass true.  Doubt defier.  Expectation defier.  Death defier. Handsome.  Puckish.  Elven eared. Hedgehog haired.  Broad shouldered.  Runners’ knee.  Gunshot scar. Iliac crest.  Vengeance driven.  Forgiving. Kind.  Socially stunted.  Id dominant. Narcissistic.  Scholarly. Prodigal son.  Apollo.  Zarathustra. Agrippa.  Penitent.  Old soul. Grief weary.  Alarm tripper.  Yarn unraveller. Convention abstainer.  Can’t leave well enough alone.  Confidante. Late-night caller.  Ramparts defender.  Wide net caster.  Hither and yon-er.  Navigator. Lost.  Lost Boy.  Persistant. Alarmist.  Defeatist.  Nomad.   Comfort spurner.  Journeyman.  Stargazer.  Holder of the scales of justice.  Libra. Bay Stater.  Island-born.  Civil servant.  Per diem claimer.  Leash yanker. Foolhardy.  Sensual.  Hedonistic. Ascetic.  Self-deprived.  Orpheus in the Underworld.  High browed. Obscure.  Shadowed by tragedy.  Priapic.  Apologist. Burden ridden.  Weighted down by his past.  Future fighting.  Abstinent. Uxorious.  Lean flanked.  Navel gazing. Profiler.  Impatient.  Hospital patient.  Institutionalized.  Committed. Devoted.  Stolen childhood.   Arrested adolescence.  Brave. Gambler.  Betting against the house.  Quixotic. Romantic.  Impulsive.  Guitar riffing.  Pun loving. Filial.  Solitary.  Self-abnegating.  Daring the hounds of hell to bite.  Soulful. Poetic.  Mystic.  Gnostic. Apocryphal.  God denying.  Forsaking. Forsook.  Forward charging.  Backward glancing.  Target sighting.  Co-worker. Colleague.  Muscular.  Intellectual. Reliably unreliable.  Perpetually late.  Up early.  Literate.  Fish caretaker.  Dog disliker. White whale chaser.  Pole star navigating.  Aesthete.   Perpetually injured.  Tall tale teller.  End time foreteller.  Extra-terrestrial stalwart.  Conspiracy theorist.  Led around by his past.  Hopeless quest upholder.  Genie releaser.  Delusional. Visionary.  Oracle of doom.  Occultist. Traditionalist.  Vatic.   Psychologist.  Partner. Lover.  Beloved.  Right-handed. Heavy-handed.  Heart on his sleeve.  Monotone.  Laconic. Faustian.  Equivocal.  Explicit. Dirty-minded.  Bearing a cross. Holding a grudge.  Holding a torch.  Brain surgery survivor.  Pinpoint focussed.  Middle-aged.   Sensualist.  Risk taker.  Undercover agent.  Undercover boyfriend.  Supplicant. Empath.  Crisis survivor.  Depressive. Mr. Potato Head imitator. Childish.  Childlike.  Ageless. Agnostic.  Senior agent.  Prophet.   Fearless.  Soulmate.  Endorphin chaser.  SSRI prescription filler.   Danger magnet.  Brooder. Pouter.  Casual disregard for personal harm.  Hare-chaser.  Reformed skirt-chaser.   Monogamous. Dream analyzer.  Lamaze class partner.  Zombie guardian.  Cautious Millennium celebrator.  Talks a good game.  Trips over his tongue.  Trips over his feet.  White man trash talker.  Anarchist. Calamity inviter.  Gazer. Gazee.  Eye candy.  Ass model. Honourable.  Dutiful.  Playing the long game.  Self-mockery expert.  Suffering no fools.  Garbage can tantrum thrower.  Hallway pacer.  Elevator rider.  Highway voyager.  Co-pilot. Co-conspirator.  Friend.  Protector. Unrequited admirer.  Requited suitor.  Abandoned husband.  Angel and devil all at once.  Elegant. Fit.  UFO pursuer.  Singular pursuit.  Undissuadable.  Barreling forward without thought of ramifications.  Forever weighing the cost of consequences in the aftermath.  Owner of an empty fridge.  Keeper of an empty bed.  Custodian of a gold necklace.  Throwing effort after foolishness.  Noble. Rat trap connoisseur.  Monograph author.  Peering into the abyss.  Walking the tightrope of lunacy.  Masochist. Diffident courter.  Passionate significant other.  Fragile mental health.  Held together by Spackle and faith.  Falling apart in slow motion.  Giver of unsolicited kindness.  Ouster of the Syndicate.  Weekend scruff.  Cellphone addictee.  One-liner fan.  Mutato correspondent.  Compassionate.  Long memoried.  Bombastic. Can read you like a large print book. Disdains self-analysis. Is his own blind spot.  Fanciful. Internet casualty.  Grey t-shirts.  Low-riding pants.  Well-cut suits.  Exile from happiness.  Sacrificial lamb.  Perfectly imperfect.  Freckles over his shoulders.  Heroic quest. Martyr.  Gulag escapee.  Red Speedo. The loneliness of the long distance runner.  Paracelsus. Platonic ideal.  Socratic method.  Sagacity. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.  Sinful.  Black leather couch.  Late model Ford. Sees his sister in starlight.   Full of ruth. Opposer of a living will. Scornful.  Truthful.  Confrontational.  Contemptuous. Fighter against chauvinism, cronyism and reductionism.  Approachable to women, children and oddballs.  Expert in alien abduction lore.  Volunteer for a hopeless war.  Restless sleeper.  Nightmare sufferer.  Super Soldier punching bag.  Accepter of his fate.  Junk food consumer.  Pizza delivery man.  Occupant of Apartment 42.  Fugitive from justice.  Fugitive from romantic entanglement.  Provider of an IVF donation.  Keeping the light on for a miracle.  Speechless entrant into Scully’s bed one lonely night.  Has only one one in five billion.  Comes back from the dead for her sake.  Walks away from her without a second thought to protect their son.  Can’t believe he is someone’s constant or touchstone. Uncooperative.  Audacious.  Smug. Aloof.  Mad swagger.  Can doubtless back it up.  Thoughtful. Weird.  Geeky.  Awkward like a half-grown puppy.  Makes an end run around propriety.  Rankine’s law of potential energy in the flesh.  Gifter of rare smiles and frequent grins.  Has a 40,000 word vocabulary and an Oxford degree.  Still is speechless in the face of his love for Scully and their son.  Holds himself to a higher standard than anyone else.  Has never been disappointed in only one person.  Expected to spend his adult life alone.  Managed to make his expectations come to pass.  Can’t find the strength to stand up and fight without Scully in his corner.  If asked to name the most important moments of his life, would answer Scully, William, Scully, Scully, Scully.  Happy birthday, Fox Mulder.