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wisepidgeon · 5 months

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up and down

i woke up yesterday sad but i was alright but today i woke up and suicidal and that sucks because i know that its gonna be ok but my brain doesnt think so the doubt says no its not gonna be ok you gotta just give up and honestly its tempting but i know im on the right path because even tho i dont see it my family all say that i am i think im just hurting alot

let me tell you about my ex we will call her red as that was the color of half her hair when we met

red and i met on the last day of school like after we had walked the stage and everything i saw her on the graduation practice and told myself if i saw her i would say something to her she was way out of my league i had thought at the time a beautiful girl who had a get scared shirt on and low and behold i got the chance when i had to go into the office to grab something she was there so i stood there and talked to her for a minute i told her that her shirt was really cool and i had used to listen to the and then i saw her mcr backpack and said i liked them too we exchanged names and this was new for me but i remembered her name for a few days afterward and in that time i had

something strange about her is that in the short conversation we had it triggered some painful memories like ptsd almost thats the best way i could describe it

a friend saying that someone on his Instagram was looking for me and that he didnt know her very well and i was like oh no is it that one crazy chick who i pissed off because i had done that recently but no it was red and so i looked red up on instagram it wasnt easy but i did it and i gave her a friend request and sent a selfie with a message somewhere along the line of i dont know if your the person i think you are but if you are you should remember my name "bird" not my name but yeah

she did but the selfie didnt go through so we decided to meet at a park i knew was around but had never been too we talked and hung out for a while we listened to music and she showed me leave me alone by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME who i had never listened to before and i thought it was her way of telling me to fuck off because ive been broken up with in a similar way

after that we had talked for a while gotten to know each other better and she ended up taking my virginity and we got together a little while later then after about a week after that she cheated on my with her ex it was alot more complicated than that but its fair to put it that way i wanted her but was scared to lose her and she wasnt over him and in a way i had let it happen although she broke the rules an so her and i agree it was cheating and she kept at it telling me that the she wasnt willing to give him up for me i never forgave her for this but i was too scared to leave her behind and we had a consert to go to in a month or two in texas so i tried but i never did trust her after that

i wanted to oh gods i wanted to i gave her a lot of chances to gain my trust back but as i grew angrier and more depressed by the situation i became the problem and i started lying to her and being manipulative toward her honestly there was no love on my end at that point but the sex was nice and i was scared to be alone and im a selfish cunt so yeah

i ended making her stop talking with him on a technicality of a deal we had made that if there was anything i didnt know past present or future that had bee sexual with her ex from after the time of her and i getting together that she would have to block her and never talk to him again i was angry when i looked through her phone and found that she had sent him and i the same nudes and that was the first id ever been sent nudes before and it hurt well nude by someone i had known at least but i think thats why i never cared when she did it later in life anyway she had a panic attack about it but ended up giving him up and keeping me which i made very clear was her choice that night she could have me or she could have him it was up to her

later on i was mad at my mom and my family in general so i made up a story about me being kicked out of the house and asked her for help she helped me out gave me a place to stay in her moms car her apartment was full like 4 kids 5 adults in a two bedroom her brother had moved in and it was bad over all but i made the best of it

i was eventually made to move out and so i called my mom and worked on stuff with my mom because i had damaged that relationship but red was no longer allowed in my room because my mom said so i at this point didnt know what to do i started to love her again but i was still very much hurt over the entire situation with her ex a while back i still havent gottent over in properly in almost three years although i can say i dont think she has ever cheated on me

i got an apartment and moved in with her and that was really fun at first we lived there for 11 months the complex was doing renovations so they gave us the option when i told them i was gonna struggle with the last months rent i had been getting help from an charatable organization but we didnt really take care of the place and we didnt wanna work so it was hard we grew angery with each other and my lying about alot of my problems like porn addiction became a real problem one i still deal with but its been easier now i think

we had really high good times and really low bad ones and i was always scared of being hurt again i felt like she had never appologied enough for what she had done and i had never been ready to listen to her and so we just hurt each other over and over again

those 11 months ended and we went back to her moms place where there was now 1 adult living there 3 including us but it was no easier her mom is the kind of person who has alot of things she wants dont and feels like its owed to her that those things are done for her she is also someone who manipulates her daughter into feeling sorry for her and staying around i would know i dont really have room to speak on that one

i had a few jobs in and out of work but it was always short i never could find something i liked but i needed to pay her mom some money every month eventually tho the endless stress of being there got to both of us we i asked her if she thought being with me was worth it she said no which broke my heart because i loved her even if all we did was argue and fight i still loved her and wanted her i just couldnt deal with everything that was going on at that point so we broke up and i still hate myself for pushing her away like i did

i moved out a little while later we kept in touch i was angry but i still love her and wanted her back she told me she fucked someone else about a week after we had broken up and i thought that was funny she fucked someone else in one week after we had gotten together and one week after we had broken up seems like a pattern to me but what do i know

anyway her and i started talking and having sex again and i told her i wanted her back this was a few days ago and she said thats no chance and you should just give up and thats why i am currently sucidal i think because i have to give up on someone that i love i have to let them go and i have to move on and im not ready i dont want to and it hurts i wanted to learn to grow with her not with out her i wanted to marry this girl i still do really i still love her and im not ok and thats ok it has to be ok because if its not then im lost and dont think ill ever be found again im crying while writing this which sucks alot theres a part of me that never wants to feel this pain ever again but thats the part of me who got us here in the first place isnt it

if i could do it all over again i would still be a virgin and we would have stopped being friend after i asked her out and she said yes and when i asked her if the meant she would stop fucking her ex and she "said do i have to?" it would have ended there because honestly that should be the end point of any relationship

alright you fucking babys stop crying already thats my job xoxo stay safe live fast but die old and gray

#mental health #healing #self reflection #self hate #growth #tw: suicidal thoughts #im the bad guy #im hurtin

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thewaywardbruja · 2 years

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~ Not My Normal Journal ~

I just want to apologize in advance, this isnt going to be a positive happy journal, like my other ones are. I'm only typing this here in an attempt to get my head to stop, and these emotions to go away for a moment. And just to vent.

---

I dont even know where to start with this, the last two days have been extremely difficult and hard.

Hell, the last twelve hours have been hell for me.

My depression is back, I'm frustrated, upset and angry.

I got an update about my grandma last night, that literally destroyed me. Everything that I was told, made me see red. I literally wanted to punch the windshield out of my car, I dont know how to deal with these emotions.

Basically, in the short version I was told that my grandma is not going to get any better, that she's gone. That she's going to become a ward of the state now. That the house I grew up in, and spent almost my entire childhood at is going to be sold.

But most importantly, my grandma is being abandoned.

There isn't anything I can do to stop this from happening. I'm in a completely different country, and while I understand this is sometimes how life goes, I'm utterly heartbroken. I'm lost, and struggling to cope with this news.

I'm extremely angry as well, trying to navigate a situation that I have never been in, and I just... am lost. I want to find my way out of the woods, but there is no direct path. No actual way through grief, and my heart is just utterly broken.

Its so hard, I've never lost a family member before, and for the first one I lose to be her, just seems extremely unfair, especially with how things have played out. None of this is right.

I'm angry for a few reasons. One is that I'm literally helpless to do anything, and two the person making these decisions is too much of a coward to stand up and actually do the right thing.

I went to bed last night crying, woke up crying and just at a loss. An immense loss. I feel like this is entirely unfair after everything my grandma did for our entire family. She wouldnt want this. I know that.

And I think thats why my heart hurts so much, because I know she wouldnt want to exist this way, stuck between life and death. She's always said it.

So yeah, I'm not in a great place, havent been the last two days, and I'm really struggling to stay positive because every time I think I'm not thinking about it, it comes back.

Also, note, there are a lot of other circumstances and things going on that I have not mentioned in this for privacy reasons - so if you think you know anything about this situation you dont.

Dont even bother making assumptions.

I had a dream last night, one that I didnt want to leave. It broke my heart when I woke up.

My husband and I drove Sheldon and the Panda to my grandmas in Waterford, Michigan. And where met by my aunt who was telling ne nothing had changed, but my grandma was inside the house and I could hear her, talking on the phone to one of her friends, so my aunt tried to tell me no, but nothing was going to stop me, so my husband held her back and I bolted up the stairs and into the house. My grandma wasnt on the phone now. I ran up to her and kneeled down, and asked her if she knew who I was. She gave me a very cheeky smile and said "How could I forget my favorite granddaughter" I threw myself at her sobbing in joy, and then my husband appeared and hugged her as well. - And then I woke up.

That was the moment I have been begging for, since this all started six months ago. I didnt want to leave it.

My Witchy Sister and I talked and we both agree that was my grandma letting me know that she's gone, and that she was giving me permission to move on.

I just feel so lost without her, theres so much I want to share, and so many things happening that she's missing out on, and will always miss out on, and I cant fathom that. Or any of this. Its been so difficult. I was her ride or die, I spoke to her every single day, and I loved her so deeply.

I'm so utterly heartbroken.

#grief #sadness #sad thoughts #griefjourney #lost #loss #pain #anger #angry #depression #PTSD #broken heart

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tomdiddlyumptious · 3 years

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T.H| Three Months?

Summary: 👽👽👽

Warnings: pregnant women who got into an argument and then had birth but tom came up (this is like stupid but why not)

You sighed and walked in the house while tom stormed in behind you, slamming the door.

“See- you do this every single fucking time- arent you tired” you turned to him. “No i could actually go all fucking day if i wanted to” “you already fucking did!” You yelled, raising your hands in frustration as tears started to pool your eyes but never fell.

“Y/n why do you do this all the fucking time?” He said, coming in your face and grabbing your wrist. “Do what?” You asked desperately. “You make me the bad guy, like i do everything wrong-“ “nononono because what are you talking a fucking bout? I do nothing but love you and carry your fucking child”

You pushed him away, “why are you even holding my baby?” He muttered. And thats when the tears fell “i dont know. Why am i holding your baby?” You asked back and he shrugged. “Dont worry, i wont anymore” you shrugged to “i dont care- you dont care. Fuck off” you walked in the room and slammed the door, hissing in pain by the baby kicking but you ignored it, throwing your clothes out to move out.

When you were done you walked out with the multiple suitcases “we are over” you harshly yelled while tom sat on the couch rubbing his eyebrow and eyes “whatever y/n”

And with that you both are done. No more.

He grew sick and didn’t take care of himself. He sent you a total of 1,000 texts in three days. 1,027 calls to. He was desperate, he wanted to see you, his child. It hurt his heart for thinking back on that day, so cruel and careless with his words.

You didnt want his money you could provide for yourself. You didnt want anything to do with him, but the baby was a beautiful exemption.

So when you went in labor you cried in pain, your moms hand in yours while she wiped your sweaty forehead. “I cant do it mom- please” you cried, leaning your head back as tears strolled down your cheeks, a scream leaving your lips as your back arched, your brothers and sisters wincing as they watched in the background.

“You got this. You wil give birth abd you better do it before i dig in there myself” she whispered and you gripped her hand turning your head abd smiling at her before. “This is the last push!”

3,2,1

~and a baby was borrrrn~

“Sage” you smiled. “Uhhh y/n...you have a guest” your brother said, looking through the glass and finding the one man who you sure didnt want to see, really, right now?

He stepped in...he looked clean and freshly shaved, but his mood just killed the vibe. He felt down below, no escape and he came here to change it.

“Thomas-“ “can i at least help take off the umbilical cord, y/n im begging you...thats my baby to” he said, and you thought about it. Tears streamed through your eyes “why now? Three months?” “Y/n baby im so sorry...i couldnt stop-“

“Um so is he gonna take it off or what.” The doctor asked, still carrying the crying child looking between the both of you before you nodded, your mom wiping away your tears “just hear him out. And if he talks crazy i promise i will beat his ass” “thank you mom” you whispered and watched as tom helped. A faint smile on his lips.

“What are you gonna name her?” Tom questions, watching her suck your nipple, you played with the curly hair on her head..like her fathers. “Sage...sage y/l/n”

Hearing that broke his heart. He bit his lip and gave a lopsided smile “can she- nevermind” he looked away, fustration filling his head while he tried to fight the tears. “You want her to have your last name, dont you?” You asked, looking up at him while he gave a nervous nod.

“She can have your last name if you can answer one question” you lifted your finger before placing it down. He nodded and shifted in his seat on the bed “ill answer”

You both made eye contact before you started to speak “why did i give birth to your baby?” You slightly tilted your head, one of your hands brushing the babys hair while the other sat there.

He looked away and cleared his throat, silent tears rolling down his cheeks before he grabbed your hand and looked back at you “because you are the love of my life” you swallowed harshly at his words.

“Are? Thomas you left me on my own. I could’ve fell in depression, got sick, trip down the fucking stairs-“

“I know that y/n!” He cut you off. “I know that. I just didnt want- i didnt want to argue again. I know im the problem-“ “youre not the problem we are-“ “please just let me speak. I know im the problem. So i wanted to distance myself because i dont want stress on you. I want the best for you and im just not it. Im not it y/n” he sniffled “and it sucks because im so in love with you” his shoulders slumped and he let go of your hand, turning away from you to let all of his tears fall and he choked on his sob, he couldnt hold it in. He let it all out.

Watching him cry is heart breaking, you sat up carefully and tugged him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him in your neck. “I-i just dont know what to do y/n” “shhhh” he continued to cry in your neck and you brushed his hair, looking down at sage, sage holland. “Tom” he let out a small hum. “We can do this together, my love for you will never end”

And he cried harder, all the stress and frustration, worry from the past months just pooling out of his eyes.

“I love you” “im so sorry for leaving you alone” he wrapped his hand around your waist tightly and pulled your closer, feeling the wet spot on your neck but he didnt care. He had you and sage back.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland fluff #tom holland au #tom holland x pregnant!reader #dad!tom holland #dad!tom

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

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Imagine telling Azula the abuse she suffered isn’t okay and that she’s not a monster

Your POV

You’d initially been very excited when Azula told you about the holiday on Ember Islands but it had taken a bleak turn on your very first night. Ty lee had gotten you invited to some party and somehow that led to Azula terrifying the host, Zuko and Mai breaking up and now everyone was sat in a circle talking about all the horrible things they’d experience as children. Everyone had told their story apart from you and Azula. Mai and Zuko were finally getting along when Azula ruined it by making fun of him. Zuko seemed in no mood and snapped back at her. He implied she was perfect sarcastically and you watched amazed as just for a second Azula’s mask dropped. Her face lost it’s guard and genuine pain and emotion was present as she talked about her childhood and her mother. "My own mother thought i was a monster" Azula whispered and you shivered. Silence stretched out and you felt the urge to comfort her but this was Azula, when she sensed weakness and snuffed it out. "She was right of course but it still hurt" she smirked and everyone relaxed going back to normal. Azula was Azula again, sure she’d shown feelings for a few seconds there who cares?

You did.

The others all just carried on talking, acting as if Azula hadn’t just said what she had but you couldn’t just go back to normal. You’d seen what was beneath the princess’ mask and it was haunting.

Azula’s POV

The group bonding over, Mai and Zuko wandered back to the house together. Ty lee and Azula were right behind them but Azula paused as you made no move to get up. You were sat knees tucked up into your chest staring at the fire intensely. You weren’t moving and you didn’t even seem to be blinking. Azula sighed wondering what else could happen tonight. "You go ahead, i’ll be there soon" she told Ty lee who nodded and left. Azula approached you and only as she got closer did she see you were crying.

Your POV

You heard a snort followed by "are you crying?". When you didn’t aswer Azula knelt down to look at you "stop being stupid, why are you crying?". You breathed and looked at her "i don’t know" you admitted "just hearing all your stories" you sighed wiping your eyes "it makes me sad". Azula went to insult you but saw the distraught look on your face and couldn’t quite bring herself to. "Well it’s not that bad,we all have demons" she shrugged sitting beside you. "But that doesn’t make it right" you cried "any of it!". "Well no" Azula agreed with you "but it’s in the past". "But it effected you all, it still does! All of you! All because of what your parents did to you when you were children" you spat more tears falling. Azula didn’t like emotions and was going to try stop this when you spun on her "and you, you know what your mother said to you wasn't okay right? How your father treated you wasn't correct Azula, you're not a monster you never were". Azula felt struck as you spoke those words to her, it felt embarassing to have someone tell her that, almost intrusive. She felt exposed and she didn’t like it. "Of course i know that" she spat standing up "i don’t need someone like you to tell me that! I’m the princess! I’m the firebending prodigy of the fire nation!". "But that doesn’t mean the abuse didn’t effect you, that it wasn’t painful! You’re human too Azula! What your parents did to you....". "Stop" Azula commanded and you could tell by the tone of her voice and look in her eye this was dangerous territory. Nobody had ever talked to Azula about this and it was raw painful ground. Azula wasn’t ready for this, if you didn’t back down she might attack you. You took a breath and lowered your eyes "i’m sorry Azula i didn’t mean to be so opinionated, i shouldn’t have talked to you like that, i was just concerned for you". You wiped your eyes waiting for Azula’s verdict and she eventually replied. "No you shouldn’t have, do not speak to me like that again, yes?". You nodded your head but Azula couldn’t seem to meet your eye. "Let’s go back" she said and started walking. You followed her and noticed how fast she was walking, how tight her fists were clenched and it killed you not to be able to reach out and comfort her...but you knew she wasn’t ready, the pain was still too fresh...but you’d shown her you cared. You’d told her it wasn’t right and she wasn’t a monster. Those things would stick in her head and you hoped they’d grow and fill Azula with the truth of them. And some day, just maybe, Azula would be willing to talk about it. You’d be right there when she did.

2 Months later

You couldn’t help but keep a closer eye on Azula once you returned to the fire nation and what you saw wasn’t good. Ozai was still using her and you could see the damage his expectations were inflicting on her. Then Zuko left and Azula seemed to be even less stable. The final nail in the coffin was Ty lee and Mai’s betrayal of Azula, that pushed her royally over the edge.

You were with her when it happened, when Ty lee intervened to save Mai and you didn’t. When Azula fell after Ty lee attacked her you rushed to her side, managing to catch her and looked up at Mai and Ty lee who stared at you. “Y/n let us go” Ty lee pleaded and you paused utterly caught in the middle. “I...” you started when guards rushed in and took the decision away from you. You helped Azula to stand and looked away as she gave the orders to send Mai and Ty lee off to prison. You couldn’t even look your friends in their eyes. They’d chosen Zuko and you’d chosen Azula. You hadn’t realised you had chosen her but instinctively you apparently had. It wasn’t even like you agreed with everything Azula had done because you really didn’t. You hated seeing all the pain she caused and seem to revel in. But after the beach you could see why Azula was like that. She was hurt and craved love, that’s why she did everything Ozai said, she’d do anything to gain his affection and it broke your heart. Azula was so broken you couldn’t leave her, not even if it meant siding against Mai and Ty lee. You could feel Azula slipping and you wouldn’t let her go through this alone. You refused.

You returned to the fire nation after the incident and everything seemed okay for a while. Azula seemed to trust you a lot seeing as you’d shown loyalty to her but soon the suspicions started creeping back in. When her father announced she’d be firelord it got even worse. As Azula’s coronation got closer her erratic behaviour got worse and worse until finally she cracked.

You recieved word for Lo and Lei that Azula had been banishing everyone and cautiously appeared in her throne room. You old friend looked truly scary, sat in the dark surrounded by fire but all you saw was the girl from the beach...only now she had no mask to hide behind. The true terrified Azula was here for everyone to see.

“Azula?” you asked your voice a lot stronger than you felt “what’s going on? Why is nobody here?”. “They’re fools all of them” she spat not even looking at you “I couldn’t trust them, I can’t trust anyone”. You frowned unsure what to say to make it better. “I....i’m here Azula” you said and you winced at how small your voice sounded in the room. “You?” Azula asked turning to face you “yes I suppose you have been loyal but for how long?”. “Azula you can’t think like that”. “It’s all I think about” she snapped “and with good reason! That’s all anyone seems to do around here, betray me" Azula cried "Mai and Ty lee did! Zuko left, so the question is when is it your turn? Is that why you’re here now? Did you want to stick the knife in my back personally?". "Of course not Azula" you cried and she snorted "if it’s not to kill me then it’s to get power or...." she trailed off "it’s the worst option of the three, you’re here because you pity me". Your voice caught in your throat as Azula carried on "on the ember islands you spoke to me so patronisingly, like you knew everything about me...telling me i’m not a monster when you’re wrong, look before you y/n, i am a monster and you shouldn’t pity me but fear me".

Azula was surrounded in blue fire, the look in her eye matched the spark of the fire. She looked terrifying you could admit that but you still couldn’t fear her, you were scared but cared for and wanted to help her more. "No" you said strongly and Azula actually flinched "i don’t fear you Azula because you’re not a monster". Azula’s eyes widenned and her lip rose into a snarl. She went to yell so you carried on "just because the others left doesn’t make what your mother said true, they didn’t leave because you’re a monster! They left because you pushed them away, you were so scared they’d leave you that you drove them to! That what you’re trying to do to me right now but i’m not leaving Azula! I’m not going anywhere". Azula glared "again with this nonsense, i am not like you pathetic people with emotions, i am the firelord!". "You are a human!" you cried "you feel things Azula, i’ve seen it and thats okay! Feeling fear, having emotions, feeling sad and depressed! It’s all okay! It’s okay to feel like that, it doesn’t make you weak or a freak it makes you human, you’re human not a monster Azula". "Stop saying that" Azula cried but you walked closer. "No i will never stop telling you it! You are not a monster Azula, you are just a girl, a girl abused by her father and neglected by her mother...a girl pitted against her brother, made to feel like she had to manipulate anyone to make them care about her because of your parents but you don’t Azula! What you parents told you isn't true! You’re not superhuman and you’re not a monster you’re just human". "I am not' Azula cried her fire rising and envoking the room and your exit "i am the heir! The ruler of the strongest nation! The best fire bender this world has seen! I took Ba Sing Sei when nobody else could, i killed the avatar when Zuko was too weak to, i did what needed to be done when Mai and Ty lee couldn’t...i am not the same as them, as you! I know you want me to be weak, they all did...my mother, my father, Zuko but i won’t be! I will not be weak". "Weakness is not what you think it is!" you cried back “Azula what your father told you was wrong". "Really?" Azula asked "because if you don’t leave this room and never come back you’re weakness is going to get you killed". Azula’s threat made you pause but you were done letting her hold these messages in her head. "I am not going anywhere" you repeated and Azula’s smile fell. "Why?" she screamed "i don’t want or need you!". "Because I won’t let the fire nation take you, I won’t let your parents win! I refuse” you yelled walking through Azula’s fire to get to her "i won’t let you believe what they’ve told you! You are good enough Azula! Just as you are! You’re not a monster or weak, you are just you!" you said finally reaching her "you are Azula" you said softly "Not a fire bending prodogy, not the leader or heir, not a monster or least loved child, those are all things other people have told you, none of that matters. You are azula. That is enough to be proud of, that is all you need, just Azula". Azula let our a screetch and you flinched and closed your eyes ready to be engulfed in fire but you weren’t. You opened your eyes to see all the fire was gone. It made it difficult to see the state of the room but when your eyes adjusted to the darkness you spotted Azula.

She had collapsed as a heap on the floor, her body shaking from the tears as her whole world imploded. You approaced her carefully unsure if she'd allow you to hug her but watching her body convulse with pain and sadness you risked it. You flung yourself over her holding onto her. Azula tensed but you patted her back "it’s okay Azula, it’s going to be okay i promise" and Azula shifted. She grabbed ahold of your arms and leant into you. She buried her head in your shoulder and you held her as she clung to you. She’d shook vigorously and she’d sometimes scream or yell, fire escaping as she did, but the fire never harmed you. Eventually she stopped all of it and that was worse.

1 hour later

Zuko appeared on the flying bison and you were there to meet him. "Y/n?" he asked "where’s my sister?". "She’s not going to fight you" you told him and Zuko paused "y/n did you stop her, have you..". "I didn’t hurt her" you told Zuko quickly "i’m taking her away from here, i’m going to get her help, i know a good guy in the colonies who can talk to her, she needs help Zuko not prison and i’d like your approval to do so but if you stand in my way...". "No of course i won’t!" Zuko cried "y/n that sounds...you have my permission, look after my little sister". You nodded "always, we'll be gone in 10 minutes". Zuko didn’t see you bundle Azula away and thought that was probably for the best but he saw the throne room, it was all black from fire, from Azula’s fire. He wondered how you’d gotten through to her. Why you’d risked your life to do it when even he wouldn’t have...

1 year later

Zuko’s POV

Zuko paces back and forth nervously when Suki announced she was here. The door opened and Azula entered you beside her. It had been just over a year since he’d seen his sister and Zuko was suprised at how different she looked. She definitely looked paler and more unsure of herself but she looked more...well natural, she looked more human than Zuko had ever seen her. “Hello brother” she spoke and Zuko smiled “Azula, it’s good to see you...and you y/n”. You nodded to Zuko from Azula’s side and he smiled at the way Azula seemed to gain comfort from you. She seemed keen on keeping close to you and Zuko was pleased she had someone to comfort her. “Sit” Zuko smiled pointing to the table filled with food “i am sure you are hungry from the trip and we have lots of catching up to do”. Azula nodded her head but didn’t move “we do but first Zuko I’d like to apologise”. Azula glanced to you and you smiled at her encouragingly. “Zuko I know all our lives I’ve hurt you, physically and mentally and I want to own up to that, admit it was wrong and apologise. What I did to you was wrong and I understand if you struggle to forgive me but i would like to be a good sister and for us to try from the beginning”. You’d written to Zuko regularly about Azula’s recovery and the letters had always pained him. He knew he hadn’t had it good in the fire nation but he never considered it could be bad for Azula too, when he considered what it must’ve been like for her all alone with their father....Zuko was furious he’d never realised sooner. Him and Azula had been turned against one another when they could’ve been each others greatest allies, well not anymore. Zuko’s eyes filled with tears and he smiled “Azula of course i forgive you your my sister” and he rushed to hug her. Zuko hadn’t hugged his sister since they were infants but now Zuko felt like he could have a sister again. Azula hugged Zuko, awkwardly as she still wasn’t used to physical shows of affection but Zuko appreciated her trying. “I would like very much for us to be a proper brother and sister...to be how we were when we we’re very small children”. Azula smiled and nodded “I would like that too”. Zuko grinned and looked at you behind Azula. You were beaming looking at Azula so proudly and Zuko smiled. He led Azula back to the table and pulled out her chair for her. Azula smiled, her face an expression Zuko supposed must be an attempt not to cry and took the seat.

Your POV

Considering how well the meal had gone Zuko led you and Azula into the throne room where Mai and Ty lee were waiting. Azula approached them cautiously, her apologies for them fresh in her mind from all the rehearsal you had done and you watched as she performed them just like you’d practiced. She finished and an awkward silence settled. You grew worried they’d reject her but Ty lee lasted 3 seconds before throwing her arms around Azula. Mai rolled her eyes but joined the hug. You grinned watching your friends make up when you felt Zuko beside you. “Thank you” Zuko smiled brightly at you “for helping my sister, for saving her when I couldn’t, for not giving up on her when i....”. “It’s okay” you smiled cutting Zuko off “I didn’t do it for you, or for myself, I did it for Azula, I knew she could be happy and I’m so glad she is, just seeing her so content” you sighed and Zuko smiled at the way you spoke about her. “You love her don’t you?” he asked and you blushed. Zuko smiled, your reaction confirming his suspicion. “Have you told her” Zuko asked and you shook your head, “Azula was too vulnerable and in pain for me to say anything before”. “But now?” Zuko asked smiling. You blushed “maybe...i’ll see, i don’t want to scare her off”. Zuko shook his head “y/n you were the only one able to reach her, the only one she could confide in...i don’t think you’ll get a bad reaction”. You blushed again, your eyes going to where Azula stood smiling with Ty lee and Mai. “I hope so... she’s pretty incredible”. Zuko smiled “she is, but so are you”. You smiled at Zuko and then suddenly Azula looked up noticing you and Zuko watching her. She smiled at you and your blush grew. Azula blushed too and Zuko grinned “you may not have to tell her after all, it appears she already knows”.

-----

So this was born out of my desperate need for Azula to get help and for her and Zuko to become friends because I just want them to be a loving brother and sister!!!

Also I want to clarify i do not condone, approve of or encourage the use of physical or mental violence or manipulation in friendships or relationships. In this case because of Azula’s suppressed emotions i thought anyone who tried to comfort her would get physical resistance so I put that in there to keep it realistic to Azula’s character. I do not approve of that but i do think getting Azula mentally healthy would involve her being physically and mentally resistant at first to whoever was trying to help her but I think she'd eventually stop and start having healthier relationships. Again not condoning it but trying to realistically show what it would take to get Azula mentally stable after years of abuse from her parents and not trying to sugar coat it.

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sweetchup · 3 years

Text

A Helping Hand 4: Ghosts of Pasts // Day 1

Type: Shalnark x reader

Au?: Savior Au

Word Count: 2,800+

Warnings: Reminsing of last chapter, Injury, Meteor City mentioned

Author Note: Ah! I’m glad to be back writing this series sorry for the long wait. I split chapter 4 up into multiple parts so it’s going to be looooong.

Also, I’ve started a Taglist for all of my series to make it easier for people to find out when the next installation is. So if you want the be added just sent me an ask thats not anonymous and I’ll add you.

<—(Pt.3) / (Pt.4.2)—>

A Helping Hand Masterlist

It was the eve of December 18th, when snow finally fell throughout the Republic of Padokea. However, there was no celebration or cheer by the citizens as all of the festive winter holidays had already passed by then. With most just deciding to bunker in for a quiet night at home. Even at the Hospital near the bloodthirsty Heaven’s Arena it was rather quiet, almost dull in a way.

Though, one specific doctor, Doctor (y/n) of the intensive care unit, had little to complain about the lack of patients and activity. It was rather refreshing actually, mostly due to the fact it was your last night on the job before you went on your week long holiday break, a break you had planned out with your supervisor months ahead of time.

Months before you had met a specific man. Much more specifically, a specific patient named Shalnark Ryuseih. A member of the infamous Phantom troupe who you had saved from his demise at the Heaven’s Arena.

…. As well as someone you might have developed a really really big crush on during your time taking care of him. But, that’s a story for another day and something you shouldn’t be worrying about right now. Especially since you still have plenty of time left on the clock before you go home.

As the seconds click a way, you find yourself letting out a groan. It was no use. You couldn’t get him out of your mind.

You just wished that it was the usual thoughts of Shalnark that festered in your mind during work. The ones that were caused from something as simple as him holding you in his arms tighter than usual while he slept one night or perhaps a teasing comment he shot at you while passing in the hall.

But that sadly wasn’t the case.

For the last couple of weeks, Shalnark had been acting…… weird.

Well he technically always acted weird—a man who actually enjoyed indulging in birthday cake flavored ice cream could not be considered normal in your book— but this time, he was actually acting quite strange.

Sometimes, when doing check ups or just visiting his room you could hear him sigh. It was quite unnoticeable at first, you had just thought he was frustrated with some new tech thing he got into, but as December went on the sigh only got heavier and more frequent. This was also when some of Shalnark’s other actions started to be strange as well, something as simple as,“What are you doing for the Holidays?” Or, actually now that you think about it, anything that was remotely related to the holidays would have the corner of his lips drop slightly. Something very strange for him, for he hardly faltered that smile of his.

And it wasn’t as if you weren’t trying to find out what was wrong. You had asked him plenty of times about his new habits. Though, in a Shalnark fashioned way, he would just brush you off with a grin and be confused as to what you were talking about.

So, if Shalnark isn’t going to tell you himself what was wrong. You were just going to have to take it upon yourself to make him feel better. Emotional health is just as important as physical health in your book.

“For the last time (y/n), I hope you know what you are getting yourself into.” Mal reminds you for the 15th time since you entered her office space.

“Yes, yes. I understand, don't worry about it.” You reassure the older woman as you continue to fill in the blanks to finish up the paperwork. All the while attempting to ignore her as she nags your ear off. “Okay I’m done. Thanks by the way Mal, I really owe you one”

As Mal takes the paperwork from your hands, she gives you one last warning of caution,

“I know Shalnark is under your care and all, and you have gotten pretty close to him during his stay…. but don’t you think having him leave with you for vacation is a little much? It’s legal, for some odd reason, but you should be careful. Not only is he a grown man that could try anything while you are alone with him but if any of the higher ups hear about this, you could get in a lot of trouble.”

“True, but I doubt that,” You hum out as you fumble with grabbing your winter coat off the rack, “The higher ups don’t exactly care much about paperwork unless one of the secretaries, like yourself, reports something. So unless you choose to report me, I don’t have much to worry about.”

“Fine. Just…. be careful. I swear you have been getting more and more reckless the more you spend with that man.”

“I will. Don’t worry, Mal. See you in a week!!”

“Okay, see you in a week.” Mal responds back, her wave goodbye immediately faltering as you close the door. Taking a deep breath to calm down the uneasy feeling in her gut, She just hoped you knew what you were doing.

Once Mal sends you off, you make your way in the direction of Shalnark’s room. You are excited to tell him about your little surprise but also quite scared because you did not exactly ask him… permission…. to sign him out.

“Come in.” Shalnark's voice rings out from behind the door as you knock. Coming into the room, you see that, as per normal, Shalnark was clicking away at his laptop. He seemed busy with something since even when you took the seat at his bedside he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the screen.

After a couple more minutes of listening to the clicking of keys, Shalnark finally closes his laptop and turns his attention to you.

“Hello (y/n)! What brings you in here today?” He asks, resting his chin on one of his hands as he observes you. As Shalnark scans you up and down you can’t help but notice the mischievous look in those blue eyes of his. You kind of wondered what he was thinking, or possibly planning, but then again— knowing Shalnark —you didn’t want to know what was running through that brain of his.

“Can’t I just visit you?”

“I guess you could.” Shalnark comments halfheartedly as if you don’t already visit him for fun on the daily already, “I’m just surprised you haven’t gone home for your vacation. It’s your last shift tonight, right?”

Shalnark might have asked the last part as a question, but you already knew— from tons of experience with dealing with him —that he already formed his own answer in his head.

“Missed me that much huh?...” Shalnark whispers out, his eyes seeming to sparkle under the light as he leans back against the headboard of his bed.

“S-shut up.” You grumble out. Swiftly putting the paperwork in your hand up to your face as you could already feel your cheeks begin to flare up from flusteration. You swore this man had no sense of fear or dignity.

“Hmm?” You feel Shalnark grab at the paperwork wrinkled in your hand; recognizing his photo ID on the cover. “What’s this?”

“Paperwork.”

“What type of Paperwork?” Shalnark presses forward, already taking it from your hand to examine it. No matter how close you two have gotten during his stay, he has always been extremely thorough about looking at what you put down on his paperwork. Must be something he picked up while being in the troupe you guessed.

Suddenly, you see Shalnark’s gaze pause on a section of the paperwork. His body unintentionally freezing up in surprise as he rereads it again. However, instead of instantly asking or explaining his confusion, your eyes are trained to his lips, ever so slightly parted due to confusion.

Unconsciously, you run your fingers over your neck. Your mind flashing back to what happened when Shalnark was under the effect of the aphrodisiac drug. The tingly feeling of his lips raking up and down your neck. Kissing, sucking and biting at any possible skin he could—

“(Y/n), What is this?” He mumbles out, his eyes still trained to the paperwork.

“U-uh Well…” You pause for a second as you try to calm yourself down from your thoughts, thinking about what you should exactly say, “Recently, I’ve noticed you being quite down. Kind of depressed or miserable in a way—”

“Huh? I haven’t been depressed.” Shalnark exclaims, snapping out of the trance he was in as well as cutting off what you were saying.

“Let me finish idiot.” You grumble at Shalnark, flicking his forehead in anger. “Also even if you aren’t depressed—“

“Which I’m not.”

“...Do you want to get punched this time?” You threatened, watching as Shalnark suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. Memories flashing in his head of Lara pissing you off and facing your unwavering wrath. After one last glare, you continued what you were explaining, “As I was saying, Even if you aren’t depressed, it would be good for you to get out of the hospital. Hence why I decided to sign you out for my vacation week.”

It’s silent in the room as Shalnark just stares at you; an unreadable expression on his face. However, before you can figure out what expression it was, he quickly snaps out of it.

“Oh nice. That’s actually awesome.” Shalnark announces out, letting out a small giggle. “Just one question though… Is this even legal?”

“In a way…” You squeak out, watching as Shalnark looks at you with a knowing smile. Clearly understanding that you were pressing the line of legality and a possible felony in this situation.

“Well,” You watch as Shalnark shuffles out of bed; Planting his feet in front of yours before sending you a subtle wink, “Let’s get out of here before we get caught, okay?”

—.—.—.—.—.—

“So,” Shalnark starts, looking at the small white townhouse in front of him, “This is your house?”

“Um. Yeah?” You answer questioningly as you fiddle with your keys, “What about it?”

“Oh nothing.” You watch as Shalnark squats down in front of the garden gnome next to your tomato plant. Seeming to take in the plethora of plants covering your front patio. “It’s cute. I like it.”

“Thanks.” You mumble out bashfully as you unlock the front door, “I only rent the bottom floor of this place so it's quite small. But it's home.”

Before you enter, You offer a hand to help Shalnark up (He still has quite the injury in his legs after all) and watch as he walks inside your house; a limp still ever present as he walks. You just hope that he doesn’t push himself too far while with you. He might be a nen user but—

“Oh wow!” Shalnark’s voice calls out from inside the house, breaking your train of thoughts as you shut and lock the door. Confused yet curious at what he found interesting in your house, you slipped off your shoes—taking a small mental note that you should tell Shalnark to take off his as he forgot to— and walked over to his location. As you round the corner of the hall and gaze into your living room, you can’t help but let out a huff of a laugh. You can’t believe you totally forgot about Chloe.

There she stood, your 8 year old Sphynx cat that a college roommate had given you years ago, curled up in a fluffy blanket on top of her cat tree. Shalnark stood in front of the tree, looking up at the cat with an amused look as it glared down at him.

“Chloe.” You call out to your cat as you make your way next to Shalnark, “Come here baby.”

As you lift the cat off the tower, still wrapped in a blanket, and cradle her in your arms, you feel your breath hitch for a second. You turn your head as you feel a sudden pressure on your back and see Shalnark leaning over your shoulder. You stood there frozen and flustered, unable to move or look away from his face, from how close he was to you. However, Shalnark doesn’t notice how flustered you are; his attention focused on the cat in your arms. Eventually, he brings his hand down to pet her. Watching curiously as she sniffs his hand for a second before allowing him to touch her.

“They truly don’t have any fur…” Shalnark muses out as he rubs at Chloe’s ears, causing you to smile as you feel the rumbling of her purrs against your chest. “Hey (y/n)... did you know these guys are actually from Meteor city?”

“Wait… Really?” You shout out surprised, finally snapping out of the trance you were in.

“Yep!” Shalnark states rather proudly, “They were caused by accidental breeding by abandoned cats in the junkyards. …Though, the ones from Meteor city are quite rabid and terrifying so you can’t pet them like this. They would surely kill you.”

Startled, you give Shalnark a confused look, “No way…You're joking…”

“Nope.” He responds, popping the ‘p’ at the end as he walks away from you two and takes a seat on the couch. Your back suddenly feeling quite cold now that he was no longer next to you. “Even our toughest members like Phinks and Feitan were scared of those things.”

“Oh wow…“ You mumble out in amazement, placing Chloe back at the top level of the cat tree before taking a seat next to Shalnark. “...Meteor City sure sounds scary.”

“Eh, in a way.” Shalnark sighs out, stretching his back before suddenly resting his head on your lap. Startled at the act of affection, you freeze and stare down at him. Your mouth agape in shock. What… What was he doing?

“Oh.” Shalnark murmurs out as he takes note of your expression, already beginning to sit up, “Sorry, I stepped over a line didn’t I—”

“Ah! No!” You shout out, startling the both of you at how loud you were, “I mean… uh. I don’t mind, it just surprised me that’s all.”

“Oh. Okay?” Shalnark says, raising an eyebrow at you. As he sees your still worried expression looking down at him as he lays back down, he decides to flick at your forehead, surprising you. You two stare at each other for a couple of seconds before breaking out into light laughter at your stupid expression.

“W-what was that huh?”

As your laughter eventually stops, leaving you two in a comfortable silence, you stare down at Shalnark; his arms lazily crossed above his head with his eyes shut.

“You know…” You start, a stifle of a giggle sneaking up as a funny thought crosses your mind, “...You remind me of a cat right now.”

“Oh really?” Shalnark huffs out amused, popping one of his eyes open to gaze up at you.

“Yeah. All elongated on the couch, looking like you're about to fall fast asleep… Just like a little kitty cat.” You cooed out at him, taking two strands on the opposite sides of his head to form cat ears.

Shalnark sputters out a laugh before sending you a wink, “Go on. Give me a pet, Doc.”

You feel yourself freeze up as everything that has happened in these last couple of minutes hits you like a truck. Shit… You're his doctor, you idiot. This was what Mal was talking about about you getting too close with him. You have feeling for him but you can’t—

“Hey (y/n). You know…” Shalnark murmurs out, snapping you out of your thought, “One day…, I would like to take you to Meteor City.”

“R-really?” You answered, confused as where this was suddenly coming from.

“Yeah…” You watch as Shalnark eyes shift up towards the ceiling. His eyes unfocused and expression dazed as if he was off in a distant memory, “Not right now… But, In the spring…”

A smile slowly edges its way onto his face.

“Yeah… The spring,” He murmurs out again, sort of to himself, before looking at you, “You wouldn’t believe what it is like in Meteor City at the start of spring, (Y/n)... After a long hard rainy winter, seeds from rotten food, or hidden in garbage, come blooming out. It hardly lasts a month but… It’s gorgeous….”

As he stares up at you with those dazzling blue eyes of his, you can’t help but finally allow your hand to rest in his blonde locks. Wanting to understand more about that far off memory he had.

“I-I…” You murmur out, pausing as a small smile comes upon your face, “I can’t wait… Shal. Do… Do you think you could tell me more about your home while I wait?”

Just…

Just one more time, you’ll let your affections slide.

Allowing yourself to blur the lines of professionalism and wanting more.

Taglist: @meromelodi, @quartetstarheaven, @yumezai, @lvndrhwis, @writtenappreciation , @jojo-sinner, @pastelbear12, @aly-kurta, @bbunnycore, @feifood

#hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe #shalnark #shalnark ryusei #shalnark x reader #a helping hand

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lucidpantone · 2 years

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hey i was wondering if spoilers anon could answer this... it makes me really sad that we got maya season but it started off with maya and lola broken up and we didnt even get one single week of them being girlfriends before they broke up and drama started. it really sucks bc during lola's season we don't actually see them being gfs... hopefully since from the very beginning they're broken up maybe we'll see them being together and cute before the last episode... right? :/

Dude they are cute all the time in Tiff's and Bilal's season. Like you gotta watch skamfrance in its entirety to catch some of the backstory. Its fine if you dont want to but you can't then say they aren't cute gfs. We see them being cute all the time in other seasons. So for example in the previous clip where lola/maya fight in front of Jo. Maya ask Jo should she have let Lola move in with her last year we saw that discussed in Bilal's season. Lola really wanted to move in with Maya and Maya basically had to tell lola "no". Maya is very responsible Lola is very young and she needs to stay with Daphne and Thierry. Plus the Lecomte's outside of mayla are trying to repair years of damage in their own relationships that occurred due to Julie (Daphne's/Lola's mom) alcoholism and also cheating on Thierry. As well as Thierry most likely suffering's from depression and Daphne suffering from an ED. The entire family has a mountain of issues individually and as a family unit and they only started working on it recently so Maya wants Lola to stay with her family. This is also why Lola's loses her shit on Maya.

The Lecomte's have insane trust issues. Thierry due to the cheating and the girls hiding their addiction on top of his wife and Daphne due to her mom's addictions and Lola due to her mother as well. As well as Thierry struggling to show his emotions for Lola because of all the shit Julie put him through (the drinking and cheating).Plus Maya already has showed us many times that she is hyper aware of how she is prone to co-dependent relationships that trigger her past trauma with addiction so she keeps everything and everyone at arms length. She doesn't just say No to lola because of Lola but also because of her own self perseveration. We also see in Tiff's and Bilal season Lola can be very co-dependent and wants to rush things(her comments about moving in and about babies) and Maya has to constantly slow her down. Thats why Maya says she shows her love in her actions. She doesn't let Lola run away from her family issues but she pushes her to stay and work on things with her dad and sis because Maya knows how hard life is without a family. Plus she doesn't want to be Lola's only family because Maya isnt equipped to be that for her. I think Lola feels rejected when Maya says no to her but in reality Maya is doing the best for both of them even if it doesn't seem like it for Lola. Like its honestly really selfless and mature of Maya to want lola and her family to get better and stay a family unit because she herself doesn't have that and she doesn't want that for lola. Thats why Maya says she shows her deep love for Lola via actions. Its honestly a pretty beautiful message.

#skam france #also mayla has a ton of insta stories where they are super cute but unless you watched the seasons you probably missed it #anyone have those cute mayla insta stories?

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itsonlystrange · 3 years

Text

It’s late and I feel like talking about ST characters trauma

I feel like most people only focus on Will’s or El’s (which both are very valid ! ) but I think we both need to remember that:

1: characters exist outside of their trauma. If you believe that all a single character is is their trauma, and that they deserve no further character depth, you’re psycho

And 2: all characters in this fking show are traumatized. All. Of. Them. At this rate, I think Lucas is the most unscathed mentally, yet he ALSO has so much trauma! Which nobody ever talks about!

I love Will and El, however I feel like other characters (especially the females) deserve more expansion on the sh!t they’ve been through.

I WANT TO ALSO SAY:

This isn’t me narrowing down characters with the “most trauma” as I simply cannot put every character in this post and go on a full analysis rn as its 4:00 am. And also, trauma isn’t a competition. I am sick of people saying “so and so is more traumatized than so and so.” Or “so and so is the most/less traumatized.”

All trauma is valid.

People will trauma of any kind know that it doesn’t matter if someone lost 2 legs and half their brain, but you only broke your foot. That’s still gonna be painful! Mentally and physically! It isn’t a race. I don’t want to see ANY of that anymore. It’s disgusting and undermining other characters traumas to benefit others. All characters trauma is V A L I D. It all is! There is no “well so and so is the most traumatized so the others don’t get to complain.” NO! NO NO NO! That’s not how it works! This isn’t a game!! And don’t ever feel bad about not having gone through as much as your friend, your trauma is yours and all experiences are valid.

ALSO REMINDER: characters exist outside of their trauma and ab*se and I know that! This isn’t me belittling or shrinking down people to only a component to their trauma. It’s me pointing out their trauma rather than having their trauma he their whole character. I just think we need more people to talk about other ST characters, especially right now.

Now, without further a do:

MAX:

Max’s dad left fairly early on from what we’ve seen, however she still had some contact with him for at least a few more years as she seems to remember him and miss him quite a lot. We don’t know much about Mr. Mayfield, but we do know Max mises him a great deal. We also know that she has most likely witnessed a lot of physical and verbal ab*se from her stepfather. It’s never stated if Max is a handle to this ab*se either, but she’s definitely witnessed it. Which is why I believe she pushes people away, she’s afraid to get latched on. Because If she does she’ll start to care, and then they’ll just leave like almost everyone else, like her old friends and her father. She puts up walls and feign strength and a somewhat high ego to keep up the hallucination that she doesn’t care about what others think, when she really does. Not to mention she literally witnessed Billy die right before her eyes. Do you know how traumatizing that is? She’s also seen multiple others die aswell, making it worse. Now with Billy gone, Max will most likely be the center of Neil’s ab*se, and Will distance herself from everyone, and will probably spiral into a severe depression. She acts all tough on the outside when in reality she just wants to be loved and accepted, by her friends and family. She gets critiqued quite a lot, especially for being a girl, and you can tell she definitely has gotten the short end of the stick most her life.

KALI:

Do I even need to explain this one? She was literally ABDUCTED AS A CHILD, then adopted, then her adoptive family DITCHED HER, she was forced to see others get hurt or to hurt others for experiments, she’s seen multiple people d!e, and she feels like the only way for life to get better is by k!lling people. Although she’ll never show it, she feels so alone in the world. With no real family, and only her friends, she has nobody to turn to. Kali was so hated upon, which in a way, I understand. I don’t entirely agree with her morally but I do see where her intentions lay and I don’t think she’s as bad as a person as everyone says she is. She’s just a broken girl that deserves to be loved. And she’s so distant from love because she’s afraid of getting hurt. But she deserves happiness, and I wish the Duffers would allow her that happiness, too.

JOYCE:

Nobody EVER talks about Joyce’s trauma as much as they talk about Will’s or El’s (which I’m not invalidating either of theirs I’m just pointing out Joyce’s)

Joyce is said to deal with frequent panic attacks and anxiety. She was verbally and probably physically ab*see by her husband leaving her with severe trust issues. For awhile the whole town thought she was crazy, and we’ve seen her be treated like an outcast. She doesn’t fit in. Back in the 80’s, single moms were looke down upon. Will is constantly referred to as “Lonnie’s Boy”, because that’s what people see him as, even when Lonnie ditched Will and hurt him more than Joyce ever could. Joyce works/worked multiple jobs, and had to keep up her family of two boys. It got so bad even Jonathan had to get one or two jobs just to keep a roof over their heads.

Joyce really deserves happiness. She’s always alert now and her anxiety has only gotten worse. She’s constantly looking for things that aren’t there and although she may have been right about the magnets, it’s worrying that she saw a pattern there, anyways. Her life has given her the short end of the stick multiple times. She’s seen multiple people d!e, her son get possessed, her son get exorcised and be in so much pain, the love of her life (Bob) die right in front of her, the other love of her life (Hopper) die right infront of her, she’s been losing herself since season one, and knowing it’ll only get worse in season 4 scares me so much. She deserves to settle down and find a happy family. She deserves love and support and therapy. And she deserves support system that will listen to her and be there for her. Joyce is so strong in so many ways, she has always percerviered through the thick and thin, and life has ever gone in her direction yet she stays there, for her boys, and doesn’t give up. She is so kind and loyal, she took El under her wing, she was there countless nights when Lonnie was screaming, protecting Will. She was there, staying up all night to make sure Will went to bed safely. She worked two jobs and has tried to get enough money for Jonathan to go to college, and yet life has never given her anything back. This woman has been through hell, she deserves to be loved with no consequences. She deserves to be happy without it backfiring. Joyce is such a dimensional character. She’s had her ups and downs, and she’s somehow always found ways to keep on pushing forward past where most people would break. THATS Queen shit

NANCY:

Now, it looks like Nancy had a fairly peaceful upbringing. While I don’t think she has as much trauma as Mike, I feel like a lot of people over look her and her existence and immediately write her off as “selfish” or a “brat”. And while I do agree that she does have some selfish or self centered moments, she’s always grown from those. Character development, people!

Nancy, the oldest of 3, definitely got the most love from her mother. I don’t think her home life has ever been bad. Although Karen and Ted aren’t the perfect happy couple, they don’t seem to fight much, and they seem pretty peaceful. So I don’t think Nancy’s home life is bad necessarily, and from the outside it could almost be described as “perfect”.

However, there is so much beneath that.

Nancy was stuck in a loveless relationship for about a year. She did the best she could at school to fit in or “be popular”. She wanted to stay with Steve because that seemed like the most logical option. He was popular, rich, he’d be the perfect guy to settle down with. But her heart was telling her to go else where. Jonathan was poor, unpopular, and isn’t necessarily the perfect guy to settle down with financially. Her parents put pressure on her to be the perfect housewife (more so her dad, I don’t think karen did as much.) so when Nancy falls for someone the exact opposite of what she should be going for, she’s in denial. She’s torn between the two. She had a perfect life ahead of her. Great friends, popularity, a loving boyfriend, but she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to settle down and living a boring life just like her parents.

Besides all that, she’s been pulled into an alternate dimension, she’s seen multiple people d!e, she’s nearly been k!led MULTIPLE times. She’s had to k!ll people for her own safety. She’s had to watch her boyfriends brother get excorcised, and also stab her boyfriends brother with a flaming hot rod. She’s had to live with the guilt of Barbara, her best friend, dying while she was sleeping with Steve. She feels so much guilt, survivors guilt, for not doing anything that night. She’s had to live with the fact that her bestfriend since she was little passed on right outside where Nancy was, and Nancy could’ve done something about it, which is the worse part. She’s been harassed by misogynistic coworkers for the fact that she’s a female, lowering her self esteem. And it seems that whenever she does something good in the world it always backfires. She feels like an outcast even though she has so many “friends”, or so it seems. She has the perfect house at the end of a culdesac. What can she possibly be sad over? Her life seems seamless. Yet there is a lot buried under there. She seems like she’s in denial over a lot of things, and constantly in a stage of grief. Nancy deserves to not feel ridiculed. She deserves to be a winner, and to prove those misogynistic @ssholes wrong. She shouldn’t have to fit this cookie cutter ideal. She’s a badass. She’s experienced way more than I feel like most people realize, and has been put in the center of absolute insanity yet still was able to come out of it intact. She deserves to live the life she wants to live, without Survivors Guilt, without the feeling of being an outcast, without low self esteem. Nancy is such a strong young woman in more ways than one, and I feel like so many people hate on her solely because she isn’t doing what most of these girl next door characters usually do. She subverted her own trope. And most people are angry that she isn’t this cookie cutter girl the way she’s “supposed to be”. She gets overlooked, and most people prefer the men of the cast, over her. And yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion, however I’ve seen people hate on Nancy for stupid misogynistic things, which isn’t a valid reason to dislike a character. And most people assume she’s just a spoiled, self obsorbed, ditzie girl, but she really is just someone trapped inside a box trying to get out. Nancy is a baddie. She’s always defended her friends. She’s always defended her brother, and has fought interdimensonal demons before. SHE IS SUCH A BADASS! She learned how to use a gun at the age of 16, despite most woman in the 80’s not even slowing themselves to touch a gun. She grew independent and learned to work for herself and not for others. She cracked a major story at the Hawkins Post, and even when people didn’t believe her, she still pursued it, and was right! She doesn’t give up, and people should be looking up to her and aspiring to be her. She literally beat up someone with a fire hydrant while playing a game of Marco Polo. Why does nobody talk about that! She will kick your ass into the next dimension. THATS Queen shit.

That’s all for now. I will touch back up on this later with some more characters traumas (probably Mike’s, Dustin’s, Lucas’s, and more.) but this is it for now. I really think we should pay more attention to the woman in the ST cast and their characters. A lot of focus is usually on the boys, which is understandable, but I wanted to point out how strong all these girls are and how much I admire them. I love Will and el as well, but I’ve already made several posts talking about them and how badass they are, lol. I wanted to shine light on more people that usually don’t take the spotlight very often. I’ll be back with more, later! As I said above, I’ll totally touch on some more people’s trauma as well, as there’s a lot beneath the surface I feel like most people don’t pay attention to.

SORRY FOR SUPER LONG POST

PS: I began writing that at 4:44am, then fell asleep. It’s 11:45 am now.

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #nancy wheeler #joyce byers #kali prasad #max mayfield

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bokutouch · 3 years

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Hi!!! I was wondering if I could get an eternal matchup pls??

- my names Olivia and I’m 17.

- I go by she/her pronouns and I want to be matched with a male character from Haikyuu!! please.

- My birthday is January 6th, 2004 and I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Libra Rising (my Mercury is in Sagittarius, my Venus is in Aquarius, and my Mars is in Aries if you wanted to know the rest).

- I’m 5’2, I have brownish-red hair and blue eyes.

- I spend a lot of time doing school work because I’m really driven by it and I’ve had good grades a majority of high school. When I’m not doing schoolwork I enjoy listening to music or going on a walk! I really like going on sunrise/sunset walks bc they’re always really pretty! I try to do community service in my free time because I really enjoy helping others out. I'm currently a summer camp counselor but I hope to be a lab tech one day :)

- If I were to go on a date with a partner I don't really mind what we do, but I like book dates, movie dates, and especially museum dates!! In a partner I'm looking for someone who shares the same interests as me, is kind, has a good sense of humor, and most importantly can understand and work through my emotions with me. I get really bad mood changes so if he can work with me through that I really value it. My love languages are acts of service and quality time.

- I think that one of my fatal flaws is that although I appear kind and respectful when I’m out in public, I have pretty severe anxiety, depression, and anger issues so I struggle with that a lot. I also get really defensive and stubborn when someone says something that annoys me so i kinda never stop talking lol.

- To finish off I’m an ISFP and Enneagram Type 9v1.

- I hope you have a great day! Ty if you do this! ❤

Hello olivia, thanks for coming to my brand new rocket ship!! 🚀

first of all I apologize bcs I'm not really educated about astrology,

so I'll just use your other description as best as I could okay??

I SHIP YOU WITH AKAASHI KEIJI!

"why akaashi?" you might askㅡ

first of all, some part of you reminded me of bokuto.

and some part of you definitely reminded akaashi of bokuto too. it's not a bad thing really.

Akaashi looks at you and think, "ah, she is my home."

because "home" supposed to be comfortable, because home supposed to be familiar. Being with you bring him peace. You are his home, his tranquility, his safe haven.

Most people told him, "God- you are such a boring person, Akaashi." and as the time goes by, he is starting to believe that tooㅡ but thats until you come into his life.

You're one of his classmate. And not gonna lie, at first akaashi only know you as the quiet girl who always buried her nose in books. "If I am boring, she must be a lot more boring than me." that's what he thought of you, bcs really everytime he sees you, its always you and your books. He understands the importance of having good grades, but should you really be doing that everyday?

The first time you two have a really long talk was when one day akaashi saw you still sitting inside your shared classroom, all alone bcs it's almost 6 pm and of course everybody left already. Nose buried deep in books like you always do, but this time he could hear you humming a song- it's a song that he also enjoyed listening to. He never sing in front of other people before, but for some reason he wanted to join your little secret concert at that time, so he did. He sing along to your little hummingㅡ 1 song turn into 2, turn into 3, and you still didn't notice him at all. He laughed a little because "what's so interesting in that clinical laboratory science book that she doesn't even realized I've been here for almost 10 minutes already."

He tapped your shoulder two times, and you jumped at that.

"H-hey? Um, sorry, I just.. I've been waiting here for you to finally notice me but I guess that book is really interesting, huh?" he smiled at you, feeling a little bad after seeing your reaction at his little tap tap on your shoulder.

"Oh, yes... I want to be a lab tech in the future, so um you know, just preparing." you awkwardly smiled back at him.

"Well, uh.. I know you definitely going to be an amazing lab tech one day. I saw you reading tons of books related to that job everyday in class, so... I believe your hardwork will be paid off."

"wait... that was so nice of him." you stared at akaashi who's currently fidgeting with his fingers.

"Thank you for saying that, Akaashi. That really means a lot to me. People have been telling me that my dream job is just that, a dream. Hearing you saying that someday my hardwork will be paid off really motivate me to prove them wrong. I swear I'm gonna rub it on their face once I got the job." you grins at him.

And at that, Akaashi heart beating a little bit faster than the usual. Was it your thankful speech for him? Was it your cute little grin? He doesn't really knowㅡ one thing he knows for sure though, he wants to keep talking to you. From today, tomorrow, and as long as you would let him.

"Hey, uh... it's going to get dark soon. Do you maybe want to go home together with me?"

You could see how nervous akaashi was after asking you that question, so you just nods and start fixing your books into your bag. Right before you zip up your bag, you remembered the main reason you are still in the classroom at that hour is because you were planning to see the sunset on your way back home, "Wait Akaashi, I actually want to see the sunset today..."

"Oh? I usually go home as the sun set due to my volleyball practice. The sight look really pretty if you see it from on top of the hills behind our school. Do you want to go there? I can show you the best spot."

Of course you accept his offer enthusiastically. So yes, that day is the beginning of your friends to lovers type of relationship with Akaashi.

Akaashi confessed to you first.

His friend circle are full of annoying people. They all be like,

"COME ON AKAASHI!! CONFESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE TO OLIVIA ALREADY."

"AKAASHI, DO YOU WANT TO SEE OTHER GUY SNATCH HER UP? HUH? ANSWER ME. AKAASHI!! AKAASHI!! WAIT UP!! "

"AKAASHI, WHAT IF OLIVIA DECIDED TO FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SUCH A PUSSY AND WON'T CONFESS TO HER?"

"AKAASHI THIS" "AKAASHI THAT" "AKAASHI" "AKAASHI"

so during your usual study date day, he just decided to straight up ask you to be his girlfriend.

"W-what?" you just sat there for a whole minute because... what if things gonna feel different once you two put a real label to your not so friendly friendship? What if being friends with Akaashi is a lot more better than being his girlfriend? What if he ended up leaving you because he doesn't like the real you? There are so many ugly things that you hide from him, would he still love you the same after seeing all those imperfection? so many what if(s) going inside of your head, so little time to actually process each one of it.

"Umm, you can say no, you know...." all the messy thoughts inside your head stopped right away after hearing that.

"NO! wait, Keiji- I mean, not no to be your girlfriend, its no to me saying no to be your girlfriend." God, its hard to be in love. You can't control your heart, your brain, and now your tongue. God bless your soul, olivia.

"So.... is that a yes to be my girlfriend then?" Akaashi looks really small in that moment. He is still not sure if he can finally kiss you or not. Only being a friend to you for these past 6 months kept him from doing a lot of romantic stuff with you. Kissing you, holding your hands for no reason, hugging you any time he wants to, actually go on a study date with you instead of a childish study day. So now he really won't waste a single time if you answer his previous question with a "Yes" ;

After having a long talk about your imperfections, all your insecurities, and also tons of frustrated tears coming from your eyes, you finally say yes and there you have your new title as Akaashi Keiji's new girlfriend. He definitely got his long waited kiss from you too 🌻.

HEADCANON(s)!!

Bokuto once joined you and akaashi's museum date and he broke a statue hand after trying to handshake the statue. He grabbed the broken hand and show it to you and akaashi with teary eyes. Can't do nothing but running for your life and never comeback to that one particular museum 😭

You and Akaashi have the same love language, "Act of Service" ; So the two of you enjoy giving each other little massage here and there.

Just like you, Akaashi love being helpful for others too, so he really enjoyed the time he spent accompanying you to all your community service agendas. People that you two have been helping together ship you guys so much, especially the elderly couple. They keep saying "You two will make it until old days like us two."

After a long time dating eachother, you two decided to adopt a cute siberian husky that you named "Bobo". Akaashi rejected that name at first, because "Honestly love, I don't like how you picked a name so close to Bokuto's name. Our dog deserves better." You gasped at that, "How dare you, Keiji. This is our son! And his name is Bobo. I don't take no for an answer."

RUNNER UP(s) !!

OSAMU MIYA

SAWAMURA DAICHI

SHINSUKE KITA

alright this getting too long haha.

I hope you enjoy the results, love 🦋

#🦋eternal matchup!#angie's matchup🕊#matchup #haikyuu matchup

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saphirafoxgirlspost1 · 3 years

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(Open Rp) Spring, Romance, Drama, Kim Possible Au and BATIM Au in "Mystery Man Who Came From the Studio"

On The Special Day of Prom night, Saphira was All Dressed up and ready to go...She wears the Engagement ring That Her Beloved Ron gave it To her When She was Pregnant on her First twins...But the reason why..those 4 Urns was on the Fire place because Her kids Died When Saphira was Only 5 months pregnant.. Didn't know How or Why Did they Died All of the Sudden...But this Very night will Change her life Forever..There she was Waiting For Ron To Come and pick her up With a fancy Limo...But..She found out that Ron Stood her Out Like She was Nothing..but until the Knock of the Door was Heard...She Opens the Door but instead of Ron, It was Eric, Kims own Prom Date..He Told her that He Can Pick her Up and go to the prom with her, She's a Bit Confused and Suspecting. By the Time When They Arrived, She and Eric Dancing together on the dance Floor until..She saw Ron and Her Best friend Kim Came in and holding hands While Bonnie and the other girls is laughing at saphira as they Knew That Saphira would be a Laughing Stock because That Saphira Doesn't Know that Ron was Cheating on her with her best friend...When She sees Him and Kim Dance together...Her heart was breaking...When they Kissed..Saphira's heart was Torn to Pieces...It really, Really Broke her heart when they Do that infront of her...After Prom..Saphira Sits Down on the Chair With her arms and legs Cross with a nasty Look of her Face, Knowing that Ron is going to be in the World of Trouble when he got to her Home...When the Moment was Just Right, She Sees the Doors Open and saw Ron Bringing Kim Inside of her Home Like He thinks Saphira wasn't home Yet But When Saphira turns on the Lamp Light and Made a Loud Clear Throat like a hardcore Motorcycle Starting...Ron And Kim Froze When they heard the Loud Clear Throat And then Ron Turns around Slowly in fear, Knowing Who's Right Behind him and He Knew That it was Saphira Sitting there Being Infuriated of What She Sees and all...And then Saphira Said in the Cold tone,

Saphira:" Where Have you been?" *Glares at Ron and Kim*

Ron: *Opens His mouth as he was about to Say but being cut off by saphira*

Saphira: "Don't you Dare Lied To me! If you Open Your Mouth and Start Lying right now, Your going to be In the World Of Trouble Right this Second...." *Her Tip of her Claw-like Nail tapping her Forearm with a serious look of her face*

Ron: " Saph...This isn't What it Looks like!..Please I can Explain! I-"

Saphira: "SHUT UP! You Stood me out and I Saw you Dancing and Kissing with my Best friend!! How Could you Ron!? How Could you!?"

Kim: "Saph..Look I didn't Mean to-"

Saphira: *Gets up and Slapped Kim Hard and left the hand mark on her cheeks* "YOU SHUT UP TOO!! Is this how you treat your own Best friend? You Knew Damn Well That you and I Swore to Eachother that Sleeping with Bestfriends Man or Woman..Is Off Limits..period." *Turns to Ron* " And you! When I See you and kim Kissing, it Tore me up from the inside...And You know I Found Out What Hurts the Most...Is that you Neglect Our Dead Kids...You Knew we Lost Our Precious Little angels from Miscarriages..and Now here you are With my Damn Treacherous Best friend, Putting our Children on the back Burner...And also.. I want you..To Explain *Holds the Abortion Prostate Bottle* This...How In the Name Of Goddess Was It Doing Here In Our House?"

Ron: "I...umm...*Seeing Saphira's Glare Knowing that She found out*...I Stole it and...Did it on your Drinks..."

Saphira: *Inhale in anger and exhale* "So...Your Telling me, That you Stole "This" And Killed Our Children, So you Can be With my Best friend..Instead Of Being a "Man" And take Responsibility as a "Father" Of our Kids that we've been Dreaming For the past 2 years!? IS that what your trying to say?? And Don't you Dare Lie to me now..."

Ron:" Yes...I Do"

Saphira; *Angerly Throws the Prostate Bottle at his face in anger* Thats it... *Pulls the ring Out and throws it at him* Get out!..I'm Done With Your Lies!"

Ron: " But Saph..I'm Sorry I Didn-"

Saphira:*Smacked Ron On His face* I SAID GET OUT!! Both of you! *turns to Kim* YOU, Are Despicable Human being! How Could you Let Him Kill your Own godkids like that!?..I want Both of You Out of my Life! I'm No Longer In Team Possible and You Kim..Our friendship...is over...And as For you! Ron...It's over...We're Finished...I want you To Pack your Stuff and get out! I don't want to hear Neither of you.....Just Get out And you are No longer Welcomed in my Property!!"

Four painful Months later, Saphira was graduated but feeling so much Hurt and Humiliated. But The Worst Part is that Ron was begging Saphira To come back to him, Always Saying "I Can Change, I'll Dump Kim For you, I'll be a better Person if you let me, Please I'll be a better father" But At The Same Time, Saphira Still refuse to crawl back to him...In Fact Saphira Told him if he Ever Come near her home again...She'll File a restraining Order...Time pass about 2 years later..He was Never heard again....Since Then People Heard about this abandoned Studio called "Joey Drew Studio" Home of the Famous Cartoon Character name Bendy The Dancing Demon, Rumor has It that Someone Still Lives in that Strange Studio..and Someone comes in and out at night...But This Strange person was Watching over Saphira For Years...until..One Day, Saphira was at the cafe, All Upset and Depress..even Lonely too after Ron and Kim has Done to her..Until She hears this Handsome and Seductive Mans Voice called her out..She turns around and Saw a Handsome man Who was About Saphira's age and His Suit is Black as Night and also Has a Bendy Shaped button.....Her face turns red When She sees him and said....

#Open rp #Kim possible Au #Romance #Drama #Bendy and the ink machine au #Spring

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anonil88 · 3 years

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Euphoria special part 1: Rue

I'm not ready but here is my reaction and it will be long because this is an hour long. Spoilers ahead

My fucking heart man ugh

Omg why is this like my fanfiction I wrote....ummmmm uh

This is literally like the fanfic I wrote so I know this is all in Rue's head. If yall wanna read that I may link it at the end.

Orrrre it is absolutely the future, which is very possible.

Rue you were literally snorting in the bathroom sweetheart. Even if you are over making Jules the center of your world, you are still doing drugs.

Exactly, sobriety is the issue not everything that you think you have a handle on.

I dont have an opioid addiction, but I have a problem with shopping and food. Its called rationalizing your addiction because you feel good in the moment of it. It will all come crashing down in the end though, this is why its okay to fall off as long as you hop back on. It only feels good in the moment but it does not last. It does not last. Not to be preachy this is just why I don't do mental stimulants.

That's because you are depressed sweetheart. Unfortunately manic depressive and that is not something that goes away.

Ayyy Ali drag her

Secret stash (most addicts have a secret stash if they aren't serious about getting sober)

Being sober is hard. Addiction is also hard.

YESSSSSS THIS SPEECH YES!

Lmfao, relapse happens. Some people relapse and go im just medicating its fine im fine. Then two months later you are in a financial hole or emotionally it clicks and you go oh fuck I've relapsed.

Ayyy Philly Philly.

Can I virtually high five Sam?

Religion helps some people.

I too was angry at God for a year after my mom just died one morning. A normal morning and then it wasn't, the nicest person most people ever met and she was just gone.

This conversation about race, addiction, consumerism, radicalization, and god has me like:

Rue is so fucking high.

I hope people are listening to what Ali is saying because its so true. My family instilled this into me very early on before she died, you don't have to believe in God but you have to believe in something. I was extremely apathetic....funny I wrote family but I meant mom, anyways you have to find a purpose that is infallible.

OMG THATS.....

Ugh Moses i love Moses.

Awww Ali, it is very hard to give that trust back to someone in your family who struggles or struggled with addiction. Even if they are clean.

This is the absolute truth. "Trouble don't last always."

Can we get Rue some black friends in season 2, please.

Girl.....blame....she didn't make you snort then drugs, you made that choice your damn self with a whole secret stash.

She broke your little heart? Cheated? Y'all weren't even in a relationship...Kissing is not a relationship.

THANKYOU ALI.

Rue on the same shit a bunch of y'all were on. "We didn't get tattoos." Sweetheart. "Get me to run away." IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

Somebody smack this child, please.

NO ONE LIED TO YOU. I feel like I'm looking in the mirror because I kid you not, high-school me was this dumb.

Here comes the i feel sick and sorry for myself. (Its hard to get out of because I only got out of it 3 years ago.)

Drugs and mental illness change the way you would normally behave when you are in the right state of mind.

Ali please drag her

I wanna smack Rue I love her but her selfish apathetic unmotivated self makes me want to hurt her and hug her.

YES. THIS.

Getting past this point where Rue is, in my struggle with mental illness and maturity has been a struggle. A struggle that I am still dealing with today, Ali is spitting hard cold facts and truths.

I miss all the many people I grew up with and went to school with who lost their battle with addiction. I miss all the people who have lost their battle with depression.

Aw Rue then you need to try sweetheart, you need to try.

My entire friend group did not plan to make it to 24/25 and we are here so anyone who is in Rue's position, please hold on even of reality is so bleak. Please hold on just for a little longer if you can.

(The scratched glass on the diner window framing the lights is a nice touch)

So happy to see Rue and Ali again. This was good and even though I cannot physically cry, this was a very real conversation and I appreciated it. Especially in the shitshow that has been 2020. Here's to hope 2021 will be better.

Wishing you all good health, light, and happiness.

#euphoria hbo #euphoria #euphoria special #euphoria bridge episodes #euphoria spoiler

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thoughts-of-the-unheard · 3 years

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oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking of replacements fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

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words-for-holland · 4 years

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Happier (4) | T.H.

Summary: Y/N & Tom speak to each other for the first time in 3 weeks! Tom is in talks of doing a new movie. Lots of yelling, painful pictures being sent. Harrison and Harry go on a trip. Does Kate finally tell the truth to Y/N?

A/N: Hmmm....seems like Natalie & Matt is everyone’s favorite/hated suspects. More theories lets hear em!!!

Sanctuary

Its a word often used to protect those within a troubling world. For some it’s a church, a home, sometimes a family and friend. For Y/N and Tom, sanctuaray was no where to be found. Three weeks it’s been since the world felt like it collapsed on Y/N and Tom. Three weeks of feeling left in a troubling space that they could not get out of...until now. As soon as they heard each other’s voices on the phone, it gave them a moment of relief, but only for a moment.

“So...how are you?” Tom asks nervously. He wanted to pick his words out carefully in hopes that he wouldn’t upset her.

“Im okay.” Y/N responds quietly as she looks back at her phone. No message yet, maybe she was in the clear and that gave her a small boost of confidence. It was going to be okay. “How about you?” She asks back, not really sure how to carry the conversation. In any case, how does one continue talking to an ex without making it awkward? Let alone how does one talk to someone without the fear of being blackmailed.

“Yeah Im great...really great.” Tom lies and chuckles nervously.

Y/N could tell by the tone of his voice how nervous he was. A habit she always found to be adorable for him. Y/N rolled her eyes with a slight smile before she questions him in a serious tone “Why did you call Tom?”

Tom closes his eyes, letting out a stressed sigh. “I miss you Y/N and I dont care what you say or what you said to me that night, but this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I miss you too but things happen beyond our control, Tom. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.” Y/N responds nonchalantely, staring at her phone again. No messages still.

“Thats a load of bullshit and you know it. We were supposed to get through anything. Fuck the rumors fuck everything! This isn’t like you Y/N!” Tom vents out every feeling and thought he had since she left. “You say you miss me but then what are we doing? Why are we continuing to hurt ourselves like this?”

Y/N shakes her head, knowing deep down the reason why but could never say. Not unless she wanted to ruin his dream. She could never. “It’s not that simple.” She croaked.

“We would have found a way to get through it, but you gave up so easily. I know for a fact my Y/N never gave up without a fight.”

Y/N looks again at her phone, and no messages were to be found. Maybe she could tell him, and they wouldnt know, but Y/N knew better. Somewhere out there there was someone always watching her every move. “I cant do this right now. Goodbye Tom.” Y/N hangs up as she continues to cry herself to sleep. So much for sanctuary.

Its the morning after, and as Y/N heads downstairs, she hears soft laughter and conversations echoing through the halls. For a second it almost sounded like Tom’s, and she hurried toward the room only to be disappointed. In the living room was Matt and Kate as they made small talk awaiting for Y/N’s arrival.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Kate exclaims as she gets up from the seat to give her a hug. “Look who decided to drop by!”

Matt looked up at Y/N and gives her a shy smile and wave. He’s dressed in his navy blue LBI shirt and cream colored shorts. It was typical high school Matt...nothing had changed with him.

“Yes I see that....I’m sorry did we have plans and I forgot?” Y/N asked confused.

“No actually uh I invited him over because I knew you wanted to catch up with him after last week..so I pulled some strings.” Kate whispers.

“You..what?” Y/N asked annoyed, her eyes glaring and her brows furrowed. If there was one thing Y/N hated it was blind dates. She had stressed that over and over throughout the years that she hated it, especially with people she used to have romantic feelings for. The keyword..USED.

“Cmon Y/N. Remember this was the time for you to move on and forget. Plus you wouldn’t want to send him away after he came here just to see you!” Kate tries her best to sell it, she had to...there’s wasnt really a choice.

Y/N looked back at Matt and groaned silently to her best friend. “Fine I’ll go, but this is the last blind date you’re ever setting me up on AND you’re doing the dishes.” She emphasized as she got ready and grabbed her purse.

To say Y/N was surprised was an understatment. For sure, she had a feeling this was going to be awkward in so many ways like any other first dates, but this...wasn’t too bad. Though she realized it wasn’t a date this was just two old friends catching up from the past.

She learned a lot about him and how his younger brother Steven was working on becoming an engineer and how his little sister Emily was also grown up and working towards becoming a physical therapist. As for Matt, he was working in the city too as an accountant for a finance firm. While they continued to eat their lunch at Chelsea’s Market, she couldn’t help but make the comparisons.

Matt didn’t dress up like Tom, didnt make her laugh like Tom does, didnt make her blush the way Tom does, didnt smile like Tom, and when he touched her hand...she didnt feel the goosebumps the way Tom would. It was clear. He wasn’t Tom and could never be Tom.

The date came to a close, but Y/N hadn’t really gathered much from it since she was so focused on Tom. Every word Matt had said to her barely made it through. She’d be lying if she didnt say the date was okay but she’d be lying even more if she had said she’d enjoy it.

She looked into his blue eyes as he looked into hers. Matt tried to lean forward to give her a kiss, but Y/N moved away. She couldnt. Not when Tom was still present in her thoughts and her mind. “Im sorry...I just got out of a serious relationship and well —” Y/N whispers feeling guilt in her heart.

“No no. It’s fine really. Maybe I was too forward with this and I had no idea....I’m sorry.” Matt laughs, feeling heavily disappointed. “I’ll uhh I’ll see you around?” Y/N nods as she waves him goodbye.

The next day, Tom wakes up in his bed still praying that this whole phase was just a nightmare he’s still having trouble waking up from. Today was not that day. He got up and dressed appropiately knowing that today would be a meeting for his upcoming project. He had forgotten all about it especially with everything going on. When he arrived and entered the room with Harrison, Natalie also appeared sitting in one of the chairs with a smile and coffee on hand.

“Jesus you’re like everywhere now.” Harrison speaks out taking the seat across from her, while Tom takes the seat next to Harrison.

“Well I mean I do live with you guys temporarily until my flat gets fixed, and I did get cast in the same movie as Tom.” She laughs pointing out the obvious.

Tom looked up, his eye wide open and brows raised. He completely forgot the fact that she was going to be playing his love interest for the film. He tried to recall if he had told Y/N about it before and if maybe that’s why she was also mad. Maybe if he told her now, that would make her feel better? Tom was lost in his thoughts he didnt hear the other publicists in the room calling out to him. “Tom are you listening?”

Harrison quickly hits his best friend to wake him up from his thoughts. “Huh? Uh..no sorry.” Tom confesses, looking down at the table.

The publicists, both roll their eyes in annoyance. “We’re telling you that you need to do a lot of PR for this movie in order to boost the sales, and recoginition for both you and Natalie. This means..you’re going to have to pretend you’re in a relationship for some time.”

Tom and Harrison are now fully attentive and furious. “What?! Im not doing PR for this. That is low for the both of us. We shouldnt have to fake a relationship to get our work across” Tom yells out fury burning in his brown eyes.

“I know Tom, but no one watches it for the films nowadays it’s about the image, and right now we’re trying to help both of yours and Natalie’s. You’ve been looking liek a depressed bloke this past month and Natalie is trying to get some exposure in the business.” The publicists expalin. “Harrison, help us out here.”

“Look mate, Im just his assistant. It’s up to Tom if he wants to do this or not.” Harrison speaks out as he points to his best friend. He faces Tom and whispers, “You don’t have to do this mate, there are other projects out there.”

Tom nods, as he looks at the room of people. He closes his eyes, but all he could see was Y/N. Deep down, Tom knew he couldnt do this to her. “I..I don’t think I can do this.”

Natalie and the publicists’ eyes shot up in fear, unhappy with the response given. They knew there was only one thing they could do now. “Ah I understand. It’s because of a girl isn’t?” Natalie’s publicist speaks out. Tom looks at her and then down at the table, as he slowly nods his head. “Yes well Natalie’s told me all about her. Seems like a bright girl, but believe Tom she doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did.”

Tom’s eyes dart towards the publicist as his eyes continue to stare down in anger. He was angry, pissed off that they could ever make that assumption. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything!” His tone set in anger.

“Oh..but we do. See you think Y/N is remaining as faithful as you after a breakup, but why is she already out with another guy.” The publicist continues. She hands her phone to Tom as he swipes through the pictures of Y/N and Matt’s date. He saw Y/N smile at Matt, laugh with him, and touch his shoulder. Yet, the one picture that broke him the most was the one where Matt almost kissed Y/N. While Tom didn’t know the backstory, he could very well imagine how it went. Everything in him shattered, and his eyes started to well up.

“Mate..there’s gotta be an explanation for all of this. Y/N wouldn’t move on from you that quickly. You know her..she wouldn’t. This is all rubbish.” Harrison tried to reason to his heartbroken best friend. For once, he couldn’t rule out Natalie. She didn’t blackmail Y/N, someone else did.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Tom grumbles as he gets up and walks away.

The world was quiet for the next two days, and it almost seemed like a break from all of it. Back in the New York, Y/N was minding her own business in the apartment with Kate, when she got a text message.

Unknown

Answer the next phone call. ❤️

Y/N’s phone rings and it’s Tom. Her hands are shaking, afraid of what was going to happen. “Y/N.” Tom says shortly, tone filled with disappointment.

“Tom” Y/N replies, her voice shaking.

This wasn’t sanctuary anymore. This was hell.

“Tell me it’s not true.” Tom speaks out, needing to hear the truth. “Did you go out with another guy?”

Y/N hesistated for a moment, unsure of what to say. She could either lie or tell the truth but it didnt matter at this point she was fucked either way. “Yes.” She breathes out. “But — ”

“It’s not what I think? Right?” His tone getting louder. “So it’s okay for you to judge me with Natalie, but not okay for me to judge you with some bloke you’re with?”

“Matt is my friend and I had no choice in that matter!” Y/N yells out, unhappy with how Tom was confronting her.

“Did he threaten you?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, not him but someone was threatening her. “No.”

“Then you did have a choice.”

As soon as Y/N was going to speak, she got a new message. This time it was a picture from Unknown. One of Tom and Natalie getting cozy as they walked out of a building. Natalie was smiling and Tom had his arms wrapped around her shoulder. “Yeah, guess you made yours too with Natalie.”

Tom was in shock, did she know about the him and Natalie. “Y/N it’s not what you —”

“What? What I think? Yeah that makes two of us, but you want to make assumptions? Fine. You look like you already moved on yourself, but moving on with a girl you know I can’t stand...that’s an all time low for you.” Y/N hangs up and throws her phone across the room. Kate quickly comes to comfort her best friend.

“He...he moved on.” She sobbed quietly in Kate’s arms.

“I know...it’s going to be okay.” Kate whispers. Tears started to also fall on Kate’s eyes as she saw how much pain her best friend was in. She looked at her phone and quickly deleted the pictures she had taken of Y/N and Matt. “Im so sorry. I..have to tell you something.”

Y/N had fallen fast asleep, exhausted from crying. Just when Kate was ready to tell the truth...the door rang.

“Kate!” Harrison and Harry said spoke out in relief as they hugged her.

“Hey..what are you guys doing here?” She asked surprised but also relieved.

Harrison and Harry looked at each. “We want to help find out the truth.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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theneverendingmomming · 3 years

Text

Today at 7:50am I lost my shit! I'm overwhelmed with my apartment that don't fit us all but I can't afford a house even tho we would be paying what I would be paying to get a bigger apartment with I don't want to get because I feel like I'm wasting my money because I can afford the house but I don't have enough "credit" to get a damn house!

So I lost my shit and I made my daughter miserable just before going to school and I hate doing that to her but I get super aggravated when all her toys are in the living room/ dining room that is a one piece nothing is where it should qi can't make noise to much because my husband needs to sleep before going to work since he works nights and I have to make all this things before I go to work myself at 2pm so everything has to be done before noon so I can at 12 get ready for work and leave the house by 130 the latest since I'm working In a different area than my normal.

So when I we were leaving to drop her off to school (me and my daughter) I told her to say bye to dad and she hug him with such a love and fear of leaving him I didn't want to be that mom anymore I hate been mad and angry and sad and frustrated for something so small that made me loose my temper and tell her how she was a baby, and she has a mess and that I put so much pressure on her she's going to end up not liking me and stop talking to me and honestly I dont blame her.

By the time we got in the car those steps going down to the car and the air I finally felt better not overwhelmed because I was not in the house anymore it sounds stupid but my mood change so drastically.

We got in the car we talk about what are we doing tomorrow instead of what we did today so hopefully we get a better system.

Today I fail as a mom but I hope tomorrow gets better thats my thought in the car. She got off and I told her have a nice day and to run as fast as she could since she had gym today. But her look said I hate you! Why do you had to take me to school!

I got home and talk to my husband (more in distress almost like a yell but it's more like I talk louder thinking it's going to make th see me thats my style when I get frustrated) so I started telling him how overwhelmed it is to live like this the place is a mess! We just got a safe and the cardboard box is still in my living room the clothes from laundry day is everywhere, the toys like we already talk about are everywhere and all the bins are empty because our daughter decided to take all her toys out.

He then tells me calm that this is the last time I talk to her in the morning (now I feel worst that I did before) I know he was angry I can see it and he gets I'm aggravated he tells me you need to figure your self out and that broke me because I been knowing that I don't know who I am since a long time even by the time I got to him I was not me anymore.

He reassures me that he loves me after me leaving the room and that I need to take it easy not to do list in my head. But you see I do list in my head since I was a kid I need it a routing other wise things would get bad I would be cranky and mad I never was allowed to not have something g to do and eventually thats the thing that keep me a live for years the routine and work because I know people depend on me to show up for work.

So it's difficult for me not to not have a list in my head at all time it's need it in order for me to keep myself out of self harm I haven't think about it since I made it a point to have a list to survive life

It's that I fall in a deep depression where I won't be able to move and I sleep for days

So yes I might not remember who I am but remember the things that keeps me a live. But that fucks with my daughter and my relationship with my husband because of my daughter.

I hate it here and I don't mean where a live it's a nice apartment small but nice I hate the fact I can't control the emotion of overwhelmed and I can't get out of the cycle of hurting my child make her hate me and don't like me to the point when she grows up she won't want me in her life and that's not what I want. I want her to be here with me be able to help her with whatever she needs at any time in her life whether is with a small problem to bailing her out if need it.

Tomorrow will do better for her today I just get to finish the list in my head and start back tomorrow when I get home from work so hopefully it's a better day.

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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