#the Nick storyline went on too long and felt forced?

[lovevenji-endgame]

“We’ve wasted so much time” -Benji

Me: so true Benji, so true

Writers: so what’s you’re saying is you want to waste more time??

[girlwholikestoread]

My least favorite to My favorite books I read in 2022

23: We are totally normal by Rahul Kanakia: Okay first thing first this book made me incredibly uncomfortable; however not because of the sex but because this book did an amazing job capturing how cringe,annoying, and mean highschool students can be which I enjoyed. When books have teenagers I feel a lot of stories feel the need to make them more mature to better fit the plot but in this book they felt like real people you probably went to high school with…take that as you will. Anyways the book is about Nandan who never before liked guys but hooked up with his friend Dave, Nandan starts his journey trying to understand his sexuality. I didn’t love this book but I didn't hate it. I was excited to give it a chance because it seemed pretty heavily disliked. I understand the hate because Nandan is incredibly unlikable at times and I do feel bad for Dave at times because Nandan's actions hurt him, however Nandan is written to be a confused teen and never doesn’t do anything bad on purpose. The ending for me wasn’t my cup of tea and personality. I didn't want Nandan and Dave to get together since I think them being friends works better but not horrible. Overall not my vibe, but it made me laugh at times and I liked the realistic portrayal of teenagers.

22: Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers: First this book cover is beautiful and I love the idea of an workaholic overachiever doing something crazy and reckless as they slowly find themselves and it was sapphic on paper this book sounds amazing…but it was just okay, the book was pretty boring and I practically had to force myself to finish it. Grace Porter, our main character, gets drunk and marries a woman she doesn’t know in Vegas and that sounds really cool but the execution was a huge disappointment. None of the people in Grace's life including her best friends/ roommates, her parents, or even her love interest are written to be very interesting and Grace herself is pretty boring. I did however like the writing style the author chose for this book and the way the author describes the characters, setting, and what and how they feel is written beautifully and I truly enjoyed that. Overall it was pretty mid, My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

21. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli: I bought this book to get a discount from Barens and Noble not because I wanted it. I haven’t read Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda nor did I see Love Simon so I came into this not knowing anything about Leah or the other characters. Despite that I thought the book was alright, nothing too special and pretty predictable but fine. The book is about Leah who’s getting ready for Prom and preparing to head to college, she’s a plus sized bisexual girl which is great to see and all the side characters are pretty cool. I’m not a big fan of Leah’s personality at times and her romance with Abby is fine and at times really cute, I like Abby encouraging her to pursue art that was nice. I also liked seeing Leah bond with her mom’s boyfriend and find the perfect prom dress that was really nice. Overall cute story. fun characters, and a nice romance, Nick deserved better

20. Across a field of starlight by Blue Delliquanti: Fun space adventure and first graphic novel I’ve read with two non-binary characters as the main character. Fassen and Lu have had a long distance friendship. I loved the artstyle and the diversity but I found the storyline super hard to follow to the point I can’t even give a real description. Fassen and Lu are both cool and I liked the characters but the storyline wasn’t for me. Overall beautiful art but hectic plot.

19. The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang: Adorable and charming. I really liked the unique art style in this book and the relationship between Prince Sebastian and Frances is very sweet. The graphic novel is about Frances who is a talented seamstress who is secretly hired to make dresses for Prince Sebastian who enjoys wearing beautiful dresses but can’t let anyone including his parents know because of his royal status. Sebastian and Frances' friendship is sweet and I love how they treat each other. I felt like their falling out was forced and I didn’t really understand why Frances was upset, but the last two chapters made me so happy. Overall I loved the artstyle, loved Sebastian and Frances friendship, and loved chapter 11 & 12.

18: The girl from the sea by Molly Knox Ostertag: Morgan and Keltie are adorable and the art style was gorgeous. This sapphic graphic novel is about Morgan who lives on a small island with her mom, little brother, and has friends. After accidentally falling in the ocean she's met by a fish girl named Keltie who she once met when they were both children, after saving her they share a kiss, Keltie then comes into her life saying her love transformed her from a seal to a human girl. It’s cute, it’s silly, and it's sweet. Bittersweet ending but a fun read. Overall sweet sapphic love story, seal girls are better than mermaids.

17. The Gravity of us by Phil Stamper:It’s basically what would happen if the moon landing happened in modern day. We follow Cal, a 17 year old journalist who has to leave his life in Brooklyn to move to Houston when his dad gets a job working as an astronaut at NASA. Cal is probably the most unlikable protagonist I’ve read so far but he gets better as you read the book . The romance between Cal and Leon was really nice and I really like Leon as a character and found him the most relatable. Overall fun read, Leon should have his own book.

16. Conventionally Yours by Annabeth Albert: I love Geeks falling in love. It's my favorite holiday. This book is a duo POV with Alden and Conrad, while I didn’t see it as enemies to lovers as the book is advertised I still really enjoyed it regardless. We follow Alden and Conrad as they go on a road trip together to make content for a YouTube channel they both make appearances on called “Gamer Grandpa” which they play a card game named Odyssey also plan on playing at an tournament to win money and an opportunity to play the game professionally. Learning about both the characters' struggles, family lifes, and why they need to win the tournament all while becoming closer and closer was so fun to read. I really like Alden and Conrad and think they made a cute couple. I'll admit I knew who was gonna win barely half way through the story but that doesn’t matter to me. I liked the romance and where the characters ended up at the end. Overall this book was adorkable and I wished Odyssey was a real game.

15. Out of Characters by Annabeth Albert: More Geeks falling in love but now ex-friends to lovers version. This book is also a duo POV with Jasper and Milo, Jasper was a minor character in Conventionally Yours and in this one he gets his own story where his old childhood friend Milo comes to him needing help after he lost his older brother expensive Odyssey cards in a game. Seeing Jasper and Milo reconnect was adorable and their adventure was so much fun to read. I also loved reading about Milo getting out of his comfort zone, making new friends, and better coming to terms with his sexuality. It was so great and he and Jasper have amazing chemistry. Overall friends to lovers is underrated and I need more books with the characters cosplaying.

14. The darkness outside us by Eliot Schrefer: This book was a mindfuck and I loved every single page. This was one of my first Sci-fi books and it is amazing! Ambrose and Kodiak are both sent into space on a mission, they have no memory of the launch and the only company they have is each other and the ship’s operating system which tells them to do their tasks and encourages them to follow their mission to get on Titian. Since the book is mostly building suspense and leaving small clues leading to the plot twist the romance isn’t that developed but I still think Ambrose and Kodiak are good together and I really liked them. Overall a great book and the ending is so satisfying.

13. You should see me in a crown by Leah Johnson: This book makes me so happy! We follow Liz an black gay teenage girl living in a primarily white and rich neighborhood. She has no interest in popularity but when she finds out the winner of prom queen gets scholarship money that can help her pay for her dream school she starts running and works hard to get votes. I related to Liz so much when it came to friends, her family, and feeling like she needs to protect the people around her. Seeing Liz reconnect with her old friend, make new friends, and her relationship with Mack is just so wholesome. Overall great book and I wish Liz was real so we could be friends.

12. Infinity Reaper by Adam Silvera: This seems hit or miss with some people but I loved it! This is the second book in the Infinity series. It’s hard to explain the plot without spoiling anything from the first book but I really enjoyed it and can’t wait for the next one. Overall Ness is my favorite character and I hope Adam Silvera doesn't kill him.

11. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: The Hype is real. It’s the story of Achilles' life Achilles told by his lover Patroclus. The two meet after Patroclus accidentally kills another boy over dice and his father Menoetius banishes him away. The two become friends and later start a romantic relationship. We see Achilles' life from childhood to when he fights in the Trojan war. It's written beautifully and it’s truly heartbreaking. Overall terrific book, Achilles and Patroculs are the best historical gays.

Honorable mention. Rogue Sun volume one: Cataclysm: Okay so this was a book my brother really wanted me to read so I gave it a chance and it was really good. We follow Dylan who is a regular highschool student who recently finds out his father passed away, when going to the reading of his fathers will he finds out his dad was the town's hero named Rogue Sun and he passed down his powers to him. I liked it, I thought it was a good mix of action and real life emotions and Dylan was a great main character and really grew on me, I also thought it had a nice twist. Overall not my usual vibe but I enjoyed it nonetheless

10. I kissed Sara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston: Casey McQuiston has never written a bad book in their life and I kissed Sara Wheeler is great, We follow Chloe green who goes on an adventure to find her academic rival and most popular girl in school Sara Wheeler after she kissed her on prom night then completely disappeared she has the help of Sara’s boyfriend Smith, and another character named Rory who Sara also kissed on prom night. Sara leaves small clues for them to follow to help find where she is. My only real issues is while I like Sara and Chloe I liked the side characters even more and wanted to see more of them, I wanted to see more of Smith’s exploring his identity and his relationship with Rory, other characters like Ash, Benjy, Georgia, and more seem like interesting characters who could’ve been so fun to read if given more attention. Overall fun mystery and I need a second book about Smith and Rory.

9. Red, White, and Royal blue by Casey McQuiston: I’m a basic bitch I know but I really did love this book.This book is about the first son Alex falling in love with the Prince of Wales Prince Henry. I really don’t know what to say about this book that hasn’t already been said but I loved it. This book is super funny and Alex and Henry had immediate chemistry which was so much fun to read. I wish the side characters like Pez, Nora, and June got more attention but since this is a romance I understand why they were sidelined. Overall sweet political romance and obtuse fucking asshole is the most romatic line in any book ever.

8. One last stop by Casey McQuiston: It’s probably slightly controversial having One Last Stop ranked higher than Red, White, and Royal blue but the main reason I ranked it higher is because I loved every single character and felt like everyone one had a nice conclusion unlike Red, white, and Royal blue and I kissed Sara Wheeler where I wanted more attention on the side characters. I also loved seeing August and Jane's relationship build while also trying to help Jane understand what happened to her and seeing August find herself on the way was great. Overall another great mystery by Casey MCQuiston, I’m a sucker for sapphic romances

7. Extraordinaries by T.J.Klune: This book is the reason I downloaded back Tumblr it fucking amazing! Gay superheroes, fanfiction, and a main protagonist who is hilarious and relatable this book is fucking awsome. We follow Nick Bell who is the biggest fan of a neighborhood superhero named Shadow Storm who fights his arch rival Pyro Storm. In this world people who have super powers are called Extraordinaries and Nick desperately wants to be extraordinary and to make his fanfiction come true by being with the super hero of his dreams. I’ll admit I didn’t love Nick much at first but she really grew on me. Not only is the book great but it also has great ADHD rep and LGBTQ rep. Overall my favorite superhero novel better than marvel movies

6. Every word you never said by Jordon Greene: This wins for having the prettiest cover I currently own. This book is also a duo POV following Skyler Grey an nonverbal boy who was just recently adopted and enjoys wearing skirts and dresses and Jacob Walters who recently came out and dealing with shitheads because of it including his own father. The book is about Skyler fighting for his right to express himself when Jacbo’s own father tries to make rules to stop him from doing so. Skyler and Jacob are adorable and seeing them get closer and closer was heartwarming. However the book does talk a lot about politics and the ugly side of christianity which made me feel uneasy at times but the romance and message was so strong I couldn’t help but love it. Overall clothes have no gender!

5. Winter Orbit by Everina Maxwell: To be completely honest this is probably the best written book I’ve read all year. The writing, story building, character building, and explaining of the politics of the world was written, in my opinion of course almost perfectly.The book is about Kiem and Jainan who are forced to marry to seal an alliance between their respective empires after Jainan pervouse partener was killed suddenly. However it becomes more complicated when a Jainan becomes a person in interest in his death. Admittedly the romance in this book is pretty secondary in the story and is mostly about Jainan and Kiem trying to prove Jainan is innocent, I still liked the romance tho and seeing Kiem being sweet and patient with Jainan who has a lot of unresolved trauma was nice. My only issue is that the book felt kinda slow at times but the end result is totally worth it. Overall I felt smart reading this book. Kiem is a sweet cinnamon roll who deserves the world.

4. Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake: I don’t usually like adult books but this is a huge expectation. This book is a romance between Claire Sutherland who is a single mom with an eleven-year-old daughter dealing with an undependable ex-boyfriend and Delilah Green who is hired to be her estranged step sister Astrid photographer at her wedding. Delilah had it tough growing up with losing her mom, dad, and living with her uncaring step mother and Claire had her own issues with being a single mom and dating. Delilah and Claire are sweet together and I really liked their relationship and it was a nice story. My only issues is that there is a side plot where Claire and another mutual friend of her and Astrid wants to stop her from marrying her dick head fiance and that pretty much goes nowhere in favor of the romance, I love Delilah and Claire’s romance but I would’ve liked to see more of then trying to talk sense into Astrid. Overall Cute and spicy sapphic romance can’t wait to read Astrid Parker doesn’t fail next year.

3. Heat Wave by T.J. Klune: FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ending to the extraordinaries, The dad squad had my entire heart, seeing everyone work together to stop Simion evil plan of taking over Nova city was epic and the epilogue at the end its probably the best epilogue I’ve ever read in a book. However I wasn’t a big fan of the ending and what they decided to do to Owen and I hated how they kept talking about how “You shouldn’t see things as Evil vs. Good because things are more complicated than that” when Simion was very clearly evil and had only bad intentions but with the great plot twist, sweet moments, and of course the amazing epilogue I was able to get past it and enjoy a great conclusion to a great series. Overall this series was extraordinary and Jazz is a badass.

2. Flash Fire by T.J. Klune: This is more just me. I tend to like the second book in trilogies the most and this wasn’t any different. Seth is my favorite character and in Flash fire he gets more attention and I loved that. This is also when we learn more about Nick’s mom Jenny who passed away 3 years ago and Nick learns more about himself, in this we learn more about Simion’s plans, we also meet new characters like Mateo/ Miss Conduct, Jerry the burrito guy, and T.K who are all introduced in a cool and funny way. Overall Second time is always the best and Pyro Storm is bae.

1. Cinderella is dead by Kalynn Bayron: Words can’t describe how much I love this book but I will try. This new dark retelling of Cinderella's story takes an unique and cool spin on a classic. We follow Sophia who lives in a world 200 years after Cinderella found her prince charming and “Lived happily ever after” Ever since the king forces the people in the village to live their lives following Cinderall’s story. Sophia has no interest in marrying a man and would rather marry her childhood friend Erin but is forced to go to an annual ball and find a husband or else. I love this fast paced story about fighting the patriarchy and learning the real story of Cinderella. Sophia and Constance bounce off each other perfectly and I love their chemistry, not much romance but the book was so good it honestly doesn’t bother me. I loved this book so much and it’s my absolutely favorite book in 2022. Overall I loved a dark retelling and Sophia is a girlboss.

[rexeipts]

Monday Morning Rewatch Thoughts

This episode was disappointing. I think the last episode would have served as a better mid-season finale personally. Thoughts below:

Annie

- The plot of, “I wasn’t Ben,” and Annie being motivated to keep Ben in his current school for that reason is amazing. That is the kind of plot I want, and care about, for Annie. I love that they have included Ben’s transition into the story line in a way that it isn’t the main focus and that Ben has other pieces of characterization and other challenges/points of conflict than just his transition, but that they haven’t shied away from it when it makes sense.

- The financial aid lady is a down.ass.bitch. for telling Annie to just go find some guy she’s slept with the put down on the paperwork. I’m sorry, but that was great of her to be like listen here’s a loophole so you can help your kid and I will not ask questions. 

- I did not like the Kevin (name?) storyline at first because it just didn’t make sense? And I did not like his characterization at the auction of being the “trashy homeless guy” who eats way too much food and steals dogs. I felt like he had more to him when he told Annie that he doesn’t want to be a favor to her. I think she has more chemistry with him than any other guy we have seen her with (including Greg, sue me) and I’m actually looking forward to a possible storyline of her and him falling in love via being awkward roommates. I am hoping it has a current of don’t judge a book by it’s cover, and that Kevin is someone who is a good person and has an interesting story that brings Annie to some sort of realization about herself.

Ruby/Stan

- I HATED... yes... HATED Beth in the scene where Stan was going over the game plan. She was so damn condescending. Stan was biting his tongue and being as polite as he could be, but she was fucking rude. Point blank. Rude. 

- Because of that, I loved the scene where he called Beth out. And he is fucking right. And you know what? He even threw her a bone that she was ignored in her home for so many years. Which is fucking true, and made the conversation SO much more nuanced than just Stan calling her out. It made it sooo much more complex that he mentions her motivations. He has known this woman like a family member to his own family for decades. It makes sense he would see and understand the nuances of why she is doing what she’s doing. I hope it is foreshadowing for something more to come. 

- Sarah and Ruby have the best chemistry of any parent/child relationship in my opinion. I love watching them on screen even for just a few moments. 

- Ruby’s, “I did it for me,” at the end was remniscient of Beth telling Dean, “I wanted to,”. Yes, thank you. Ruby is not a yes man. She did this shit for her family, for her kids, for herself. As much as I think Beth might try to be in charge and often is, it was a good reminder that Ruby is still in there and still has a backbone. She has called Beth out with stealing the Tesla, with the sex tape, etc. before and I want that energy back.

- Annie and Ruby having a sweet moment together on the bench was great, I love them together. They’re so fun but also so so sweet.

Beth/Dean

- She’s with fricken Dean again this week.

- Beth’s eyebrows and wig are fucking terrible. Someone CHILL with the eyebrow filler.

- Was Rio just watching Dean and Beth? Like hanging out waiting? He was like RIGHT THERE when Dean got up. Was he behind a tree watching Dean with his arm around Beth just boiling? 

- Dean being pitied by the guy he was trying to sell product to was great. He has been knocked down so many pegs. But also, it was a waste of fucking screen time.

- Not so easy to get out from under someone’s thumb, huh Deansie? How’s it feel to be a dumb ass yet again? A year’s supply of skin care? Guessing Beth is gonna have to bail him out which is again a waste of screen time and something no one gives a shit about seeing.

-  The fact that Dean thinks he was good at selling cars is just... sad.

- Beth being a “bad bitch” and selling purses to the husbands who went to see strippers is completely undermined by her being a doormat for Dean who is a sexist, condescending pig who cheated, lied about cancer, and has not shown a single ounce of respect for her as a woman outside of her ability to raise children and make cookies.

- I do not want to see a storyline of Beth trying to get money to leave and go to Nevada or wherever. I know the show runners have said Beth will realize she can’t escape Rio if they’re in the same town, so that is what this storyline is going to be. Her trying to escape Rio yet again. This has been drawn out long enough now. This episode was so confusing and weird. Like her and Rio got the trust of the SS just so the agents could leave? Their relationship advancement, her making this choice of him or SS, etc. was for... what? The drama of the last episode was because of... what exactly? What was the entire point of the SS storyline if it literally put us no where? I’m asking sincerely if anyone has thoughts.

- I don’t want to see Beth and Dean anymore. I am fucking exhausted of seeing Beth and Dean. I am over it. I spent almost this entire episode on my phone because I was bored. The Beth being sweet to Dean storyline is so so so far past where it made any logical sense to the plot. There has been no advancement or progress. She’s supposed to be in a love triangle? We have seven episodes left and there has been absolutely zero progress in her and Dean’s situation. I will be looking for some fucking conflict in this next episode with Dean seeing Rio otherwise I have little to no hope for the Brio ship going forward.

Rio/Nick

-  Rio is the spider that Dave talked about right? That he couldn’t get and so he never went back in the bed?

- Nick is a pathetic pussy, and so is his bodyguard. Mick is the only ‘muscle’ I want on my screen. Thanks.

- The bullet wounds not being there is unacceptable. Not just because it completely minimizes the fact that this man was shot in the chest three times and left to die, but also just from a plot standpoint. Like this was the entire storyline of season 3. Wtf. I understand Dean’s not being there, because that was treated as a minimal storyline. But Beth shooting Rio was the entire basis of season 3′s conflict. It’s bizarre and completely unacceptable.

- I posted a little while back about stereotypes, guessing that Nick was going to push Rio and Beth together by stereotyping them both and not seeing the deeper connection between them. Tooting my own horn because this is exactly what Nick did. Beth is the soccer mom, Rio the “gangster”.

- Nick and Dean are the same force for Rio and Beth, respectively. They’re both oppressors. They both don’t get it, the draw between the two. Beth and Rio both try to minimize their relationship, admitting only to sex and nothing more, to their oppressors. Beth used to want to get out from Dean’s grasp and Rio currently does with Nick. Both Dean and Nick have put this other person in a box, minimized them to nothing more than a stereotype, taken away their choices, taken away their power and control. How Beth does not realize Dean is her oppressor and not Rio is fucking beyond me.

- Nick doesn't have kids, so who was the kid referring to Rio as his uncle? The female cousin’s child? Let’s see more of her and less of Dean please.

- Rio literally couldn’t cope the second Nick brought up Beth. He walked away like a love-struck teenage idiot not wanting to admit that he made a bad decision over a girl. I’m curious about this. I hope we find out more of why Rio did it. Did he do it just to scare Beth into submission because he knew he couldn’t hurt her? Or was there a layer of thinking Lucy was a threat to Beth? Because Lucy was pissed at Beth. Or a layer of trying to feign still having power in front of his boys but not being able to hurt Beth? 

- Rio’s voice is so raspy at the end, he’s so tired and beaten down, literally and figuratively. And I cannot catch the meaning behind “sometimes it’s worth it”, to be yourself? He sounded so... just sad and down when he said it. It sounded so vulnerable. 

- It is not, I repeat, not a storyline they should go down of thinking it is cool/fun/sexy/empowering/feminist for this “gangbanger” to be in love with the housewife and for her to not reciprocate and then torment him. It’s not. 

Promo/Going Forward:

- I think we have seen confirmation that Rio will lie/keep things from Nick. I think Rio gave Beth the plates, and they will be working together going forward. I hope.

- Rio chilling in the backroom of PP with Beth, so chill, so nonchalant, put me in the ground.

- In the below shot, you can see Rio still sitting there with his hand on his chin as Beth talks to Dean. This scene better be LOADED. Go ahead and mention them banging, Dean. That will be fun. But also I want to see Beth try to talk her way out of it. Go ahead and try to tell Dean you didn’t have a choice Elizabeth. Go ahead and try to minimize what this is when Rio is sitting there listening. That will be golden conflict. I want to see Rio realize the dynamic between Beth and Dean, see him see how submissive and pathetic she is when Dean is around, see how Dean belittles her, and then use that against her to pull her out of her shell. I want to see Beth try to minimize her relationship with Rio, see him call her out on that too. Idk. This scene has been four seasons coming so it better not be a disappointment.

[troddensodden]

what i immediately think of you based on your favorite fallout 4 companion:

or maybe a better title would have been what i think based on the companion you relate to the most? im not sure that just doesnt have a good ring to it

anyway

- cait: you come across as a violent, or generally brash person, but are good at heart. your violence or harsh tendencies likely have a reason behind them. you probably had something in your past where people who you trusted ended up betraying you, or someone you idolized turned out to be someone completely different. and this had an impact on you, causing you to protect yourself in the easiest way you know—pushing people away. because if you don't have anyone important to you, then you can't go through the same thing again. (or you just like her accent. valid.) just remember, even if some people have hurt you, not everyone will. there are people who care. just let them in. don't be afraid to be vulnerable, that shows that you're truly strong.

- codsworth: you're a pretty sentimental person and struggle to leave the past behind. which, while sweet, may get in your way sometimes. but generally you are a nice person. you like to help people out, but the main source of pleasure you gain from that is the satisfaction of knowing you helped someone, rather than the happiness of just knowing that person was helped. your sentimentality likely originates from some sort of loss, whether big or small. remember, you have people in your corner. you can rely on them.

- curie: either you're into science or philosophy, or you like accents. but most likely you're a pretty sweet person. you like to help people, but it probably ends up being self-sacrificial quite often even if you don't realize it. take care of yourself!! you're important too, the satisfaction of helping other people wont be enough to help you in the long run, and you need to acknowledge that. you probably help people and use that as a scapegoat for someone you weren't able to help well enough, whether that person is you or someone else, and end up overlooking your own needs. prioritize yourself first, allow yourself to be the most important person in your life.

- paladin danse: either you like the military, or you only played the brotherhood storyline so you could have him. also, you probably have some deep-rooted insecurity based in everyone seeing you as different and judging you for it, but you don't do anything to counter it and end up avoiding people as a whole because of it. you may think of other people as too much effort, or too confusing, or generally just not worth it when there are more important things to be done. you look up to those stronger than you, and look down on those weaker than you, and use that to shape yourself. you end up leaving the real you behind, so that maybe other people will think you're just as strong as the people you admire. but you don't have to be strong all the time. its okay.

- deacon: you're secretive. not because you necessarily have anything to hide, but to protect yourself. you may have opened up to someone in the past and then lost them, or been betrayed, and now find it difficult to be honest about yourself. opening up about yourself to anyone is a sign of great trust, and something that doesn't happen often, so you have a hard time doing it at all, but especially after being hurt because of it. you keep your heart close to your chest, and hide it behind humor and lies, because at least you don't have to be honest when you're cracking jokes. a lot of these jokes are probably pretty self-deprecating, a way of venting your struggle without having to truly bare yourself to anybody. but you don't have to lie to keep people around. people will love you just as much if you're true to yourself.

- dogmeat: you're a bit of a lone wolf. whether it's for a serious reason or just a dislike for people, you find it much simpler to be by yourself. you may have trouble trusting people, or even just issues working with people because of conflict. but as much as it may seem easier to just avoid people as a whole, you cant do that forever. if you let people in, and you trust them, they'll trust you too. it will help you out in the long run. (or hey! maybe you just like dogs. thats valid.)

- hancock: you're a very accepting person. you let people open up to you, make yourself a safe space for anyone who might need it. but you don't open yourself up to others, out of fear that maybe they'll see your flaws and leave you. as accepting as you are, you struggle to accept parts of yourself, and assume others wont be able to either. you struggle to think you're good enough, and so instead you make yourself a blank slate in a way, for people to interpret however they want. you disregard yourself, your personality, your past, and try to start anew without actually resolving any of your history. which may work fine for a while, but eventually it will stack up. it never left, you just tucked it away. you need to confront your past before working on the future. accept yourself and others will too.

- maccready: you're also quite a sentimental person, but in another way. you can't leave the past behind, because it changed you. you want things to go back to the way they were, so you can maybe change the way things went, change the things you did, but you can't. furthermore, you find the world immensely unfair, and it is. and as much as you may wish things were different, they arent, and theres nothing you can do now to fix it. whether you want to forget or not, the memories stick with you, and continuously remind you what you "could have done," even if you couldn't truly have changed the outcome. forgive yourself. its okay to remember, but it's not okay to dwell on the past and keep hurting yourself over it. the past happened, but the future is still being built. live your life.

- nick valentine: you're a very giving person, and enjoy helping people. however, you can hold a grudge. whether you or someone important to you was wronged, you won't forget about it until it has been resolved. depending on the severity, a well-done apology can satiate you, but if they did something serious, you won't rest until they get what you think they deserve. not necessarily in a violent sense, but in a general manner. you recognize that the world is corrupt and unfair, and see it as your role to try to bring about some fairness in the world, but sometimes end up stretching yourself too thin. be careful. it's good to care so much about others, but be sure to care for yourself too.

- piper: you likely had to grow up too fast, because of something that happened in your past. because of that, you struggle to truly let loose. you refuse to rely on other people and insist on being self-sufficient, but you also insist on trying to take care of others too, which builds up a lot of stress that you never really learned how to relieve. so instead of taking care of your stress, you absorb yourself in work. additionally, you're very headstrong, and while being persistent is a good thing, it comes back to bite you once in a while. so make sure to be cautious. you need to protect yourself, but you don't need to always be on guard. relax, let loose. you're still young and have life ahead of you.

- preston: you've been at the lowest point in your life and back up again. this low point, though, changed you. the way you thought, the way you acted, the way you cared for people. it changed you, positively and negatively. you've seen and experienced a lot of struggle, and that made you stronger, but it also made you afraid. not afraid of getting hurt, but afraid of not being able to protect those you care about from the strife that you've seen cause the downfall of so many people. you see it as your role to protect people, as something that brings you purpose. you've probably felt that way for a long time though. someone you admired may have gotten hurt and you weren't able to protect them, and you try to make up for it by protecting everyone else. but it's not your responsibility to protect everyone. it's not your fault if you can't. protect yourself first, and find self-worth outside of your work. focus out the present, and everything else will fall into place. its okay to take a break.

- strong: you prioritize yourself over others, to the point where you may end up disregarding other peoples thoughts or feelings because you think yours are more "important." because of this, you are generally a bit judgmental and only think something is worthwhile if it will benefit you. this may originate from some sort of neglect or similar treatment in the past, where you were forces to be self-sufficient. but it is important to be able to prioritize yourself while still being kind to other people. you look down on people who you think are weak, because you were forced to be strong enough to protect yourself. but you should allow yourself to listen to other people, because they'll care about you if you care too. relationships are valuable and important, even if you have only a few of them. be more open to other people, it won't hurt you.

- x6-88: similarly, you may feel a sense of superiority over some people. however, this is likely because you were frequently admired and praised for not showing vulnerability, whether in a physical or emotional sense. you may tend to repress your emotions, out of convenience or fear of having them used against you, which ends up affecting you negatively in the long run for a variety of reasons. for one, emotions will build up, causing stress and general struggle. but also, refusing to open up can harm interpersonal relationships, causing issues with trust, honesty, and more. you may feel relationships aren't worth it, but having people in your corner in a way that's mutually beneficial is very important. vulnerability is a sign of strength, but you were likely taught the opposite, and it's hard to shake something so deeply ingrained. it's a process, but it's worth it. allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to be protected. you won't disappoint people, it's alright.

[cdt12345]

I just finished answering one of these and now I wanna know yours. Top 10 straight OTPs?

1.) Ben and Leslie - Parks and Recreation

If this was my OTPs list, they’d be second after Gallavich, but since this is straight couples, they have to be my number one. Amy Poehler and Adam Scott had great chemistry. Adam Scott played a lot of creepy/bad guys before this. So, when he showed up in Pawnee, I didn’t know what to make of him when he came in at the end of season 2. Pretty quickly I realized I was not only going to love the character of Ben Wyatt but we finally found Leslie Knope’s perfect match! I’ll never forget the moment I knew I was going to ship them. It was at the Freddy Spaghetti concert when Ben helped Leslie after he was against doing the concert in the first place. As soon as I saw Ben give Leslie that look as she walked away, I knew I was all in with this ship. That’s all it took! Leslie finally met someone who got her, admired her, was in awe of her, and was so supportive of her and her ambitions. They were both willing to put their jobs at risk by making their relationship known. And if you know Leslie Knope, her job is her life. Leslie’s love for Ben’s butt is also something I loved. Their love for each other is so beautiful and one of my favorite things about this amazing show.

2.) Ava and Boyd - Justified

Joelle Carter and Walton Goggins did amazing work together onscreen. Ava and Boyd Crowder did not have the most conventional start to their romantic relationship, seeing as Ava was married to Boyd’s brother. For me, that is a deal-breaker! I know they’re not blood relatives but it’s still weird to me when in-laws get together. In the pilot, we learn Ava has just killed her husband in self-defense and Boyd was supposed to be killed off in that episode. The powers that be, loved both Joelle and Walton so much they brought them back for more and they were series regulars for the rest of the series run. To keep Ava part of the storyline, they had Boyd staying at Ava’s house in season 2. It all evolved from there. I had no intention of shipping these two during season 1, but by season 2, I was all about Ava and Boyd getting together. They were the true definition of a power couple. They even had matching bullet scares on their chest! They stood side by side as a strong force against anyone who tried to overpower them or intimidate them in their growing criminal enterprise. Boyd really saw Ava, treated her with respect, and saw her as his equal. They had a long history, even went to the same high school together. I always love a couple who has known each other since they were kids. I never thought I would root for current or former in-laws, but it was hard not to fall in love with them.

3.) Jess and Nick - New Girl

I knew I was going to ship them from the very first episode. They are everything I love in a good ship, complete opposites who bring out the best in each other, who are also friends. Over the years, any time Jess would describe her perfect man, she was always describing Nick without realizing it. Once she was asked what her dream guy would be, and she said Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men and Nick fits that perfectly. He really is like a grumpy old man. There was nothing these two wouldn’t do for each other. One example of this was when Jess burns her finger on a cigarette lighter in the car and Nick puts his finger in the cigarette lighter so they would be in the same amount of pain. Who even does that?! I was so happy when they finally had their first kiss and when they officially got together. Those are some of my favorite episodes when they were finally dating. Any time they dated anyone else it became even more clear how much better they are together. They never fit with anyone else as well as they fit together. They really were perfect for each other.

4.) Corey and Topanga - Boy Meets World

Corey and Topanga are the OG’s of childhood sweethearts on TV. They’ve known each other their whole lives and were very believable in their genuine love for each other. It’s not always easy to believe that people who get married that young can make it work, but these two always seemed to defy those odds. They got married during their sophomore year of college. Today I would be like whoa that’s too soon to get married! But they felt so right together, I believe I would still think they made the right choice. I may be biased because I grew up watching this show and I was even younger than them at that time, but it always felt like they were meant to be. I still remember what a big deal their wedding was. My friends and I were so excited about that episode. They clearly did do the right thing because the show came back as Girl Meets World, which was more focused on their daughter than them, so of course, I wasn’t planning on watching all that. The only good thing to come out of that reboot, for me, was to get confirmation that Corey and Topanga were still together and had two kids. 

5.) Arnold and Helga - Hey Arnold!

This was a very one-sided crush on Helga’s part for years! This was another show I grew up on. I shipped them so hard because Helga was obsessively in love with Arnold. It definitely wasn’t a healthy obsession, but she really loved him. It was hard not to root for her. She fell in love with him when he was the first to notice her and be nice to her on their first day of preschool. A part of me could identify with her at that time in my life. I was in 5th grade and was experiencing my first love too. She was always so mean to Arnold because she was terrified for anyone to even suspect she had a major crush on him. The best way to describe Arnold is through Helga’s own words, he’s “a funny little football-headed kid with a good heart but no sense of reality”. Helga was realistic and tough but very poetic and sweet in private. In 2017, when Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie came out, I was really hoping she would finally come clean with Arnold about her feelings. It FINALLY happened! That was 21 years in the making. Talk about slow burn!

6.) Tiffani and Jake - California Dreams

Jake and Tiffani are one of my very first ships ever. They were high school students who were in a band called California Dreams together. They were like night and day. She was the surfer type, who was positive, sunny, and friendly. Whereas Jake was a biker type who scared everyone. They were even too scared to let him audition for the band. He played guitar and would sometimes sing and write some of their songs. He wasn’t the main singer of the band, but he would sing every once in a while. She played the bass and would sometimes sing too. They did have a breakup that was heartbreaking for me. He dated their friend Lorena for a short time, and it felt so forced and didn’t work at all. Again, I could be biased because I love Jake and Tiffani, but Jake himself and Lorena realized they didn’t work either. That’s when Jake realized he was still very much in love with Tiffani, and they got back together. This show also had the best theme song ever! I sing it every single time I hear it and when I do hear it, it’s stuck in my head all day.

7.) Monica and Chandler - Friends

I always preferred Monica and Chandler over Ross and Rachel. They were never on and off like Ross and Rachel, which would get tiresome. We never had to deal with that with Monica and Chandler. Obviously, they are friends and know each other so well that it was easy for them to get through anything because of it.

8.) Castle and Beckett - Castle

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett had amazing chemistry, even after the actors themselves were no longer getting along behind the scenes. I am amazed at how they were still able to be so believable at being very much in love with each other. Castle, a best-selling mystery novelist, and Beckett, a New York City homicide detective. Castle is inspired by Beckett and she becomes his muse for a new book he is writing. Castle uses his connections with the mayor to force the police to let him shadow Beckett. Their personalities clash in the beginning but they soon find their groove and become friends and great partners at solving crimes. The will they, won’t they was excruciating at times but paid off when they finally got together.

9.) Sabrina and Harvey - Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Sabrina and Harvey were such a cute couple. I already went into this show knowing they were meant to be because of the Sabrina comic books. Harvey was always the boyfriend. So, when Harvey left the show after season 4, I was surprised and saddened. Especially, since Harvey had finally learned about her powers. He did guest star in season 5 but was brought back for the last two seasons. I really loved when he came back because Sabrina and Harvey’s relationship was so much better after he knew about her powers. They didn’t get back together and were only friends but whenever things got complicated, he was there to help her now that he knew she was a witch. She didn’t have to hide who she really was or lie to him anymore and I really loved how that changed their relationship. Sabrina was dating someone else at this time and was going to marry this other guy, but she doesn’t go through with it. For once I can actually say Sabrina and Harvey are soulmates and really mean it! Remember she is a witch and has a soul stone and Harvey was given one too. Harvey is waiting for Sabrina outside the church when she comes out and they kiss. Their soul stones drop to the ground and fit perfectly at 12:36pm, the exact time they first met seven years ago.Then they drive off together in his motorcycle.

10.) Kelly and Zack - Saved by The Bell

Who didn’t grow up in the 90′s and wasn’t shipping Zack and Kelly? I thought they were the most gorgeous couple I had ever seen. Saved by The Bell: The College Years wasn’t a great show, but I was happy to see Zack and Kelly went to the same college, and eventually, we got to see them get married in a TV movie with Saved by The Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X15

Oh boy were there a lot of twists this episode! Wowza! I really loved Meredith’s voiceover in this episode! It feels like this season they’re getting back to expressing more of what Meredith is feeling through the voiceovers. In this one she talks about her childhood in Boston and about what snow days mean to different people. How her mother hated snow days, but that she loved them and would always run outside and how everything felt magical and new. 

But that as beautiful as snow is it does eventually start to melt and then you’re standing in slush frozen and unable to feel anything at all. But that after enough time the slush disappears too as the ground begins to thaw, the days get longer, and though you could never imagine it you start to feel again and how it surprises her every time. I kind of thought they might do a voiceover like that when introducing Meredith’s new love interest and it turns out I was right!

All the scenes with Meredith and Cormac were amazing! Oh my god I love them together! They fit so well! They have so much in common! I love that they’ve become friends first before jumping into anything. I also love the set up of Meredith helping Hayes move forward. I love that Meredith has found someone she can talk to about losing Derek, moving forward, being a widow young, and raising a bunch of kids as a single parent while running a department while being a world class surgeon and doctor.

I love that her and Cormac are friends and that they both know that there’s something more there, but they’re not ready to do anything about it and that’s okay. They’re friends and they’re getting to know one another and building a relationship over time. I loved the scene in the OR when they talked about Mer almost losing her medical licence and how Cormac said that he ran away with his boys to Switzerland after his wife died. Meredith laughed and he was all confused and then she explained that she did the same thing after Derek died when she moved her kids to San Diego for a year. They have so much in common and I love that.

I also love that they established that while they share a lot of firsts Meredith’s gone through something that Cormac hasn’t yet which is dating after death. Derek’s been gone for roughly 5 years now give or take and in that time Meredith has started dating again, had flings, had relationships, kissed, slept with, had sex with, and woken up next to other men that weren’t her husband. She’s been forced to have the talk with her kids about her about dating again and dealt with everything that comes along with that.

Cormac on the other hand hasn't kissed or dated anyone since his wife died two years ago after a slow, long, and painful battle with cancer. I’m excited to see this storyline play out and I really hope that we get to see Cormac and Mer work through some of the stuff she went through with Thorpe and Riggs when she first started dating again. I also like that they’re not pushing it with this relationship. They’re building it slowly. First they butted heads. Then they started over. Then they slowly gained a mutual respect and admiration for each other. Now they’re friends and colleagues.

They’re taking it slow and I love that. We’ve never actually seen Meredith ease into something. She always jumps in head first and it always crashes and burns as a result. I’m excited to see her try something new with someone whose been through some of the things she’s been through and can understand her perspective and experience and where she’s coming from. The scene at the end in the snow was my favourite. 

I love that little smile she gave him at the end like ‘I could do something about this now, but I really shouldn’t and I don’t trust myself so I’m going to go home and deal with this later.’ Love it! I loved how Cormac slowly came to the realization about who Cristina was talking about when she referred to Dr. Evil Spawn and her Twisted Sister. Hayes is figuring it out! Not everything is as it seems. Cristina didn’t hate him or Alex and she did talk about Meredith. He just didn’t realize it at the time. I loved the scene at the end where Cormac brought it up and Mer was like ‘That’s me!’ Haha!

I loved the scene at the end with Cormac and Meredith in the snow for so many reasons. I loved how Cormac asked her what DeLuca was to her and she said that he was one of her firsts. He was the first person she said ‘I love you’ too after her husband died and she wants to help him because he’s clearly suffering. Unfortunately, she can’t because you can’t help people who won’t help themselves or that don’t want your help and she has to let Carina take it from here. He was one of her firsts on the list of things you have to deal with after the love of your life dies. But now that’s over.

I said this before and I’ll say it again DeLuca was a transition point. Thorpe was the first person Meredith slept with and woke up next to after Derek died. Nathan was her first real relationship after he passed. Nick Marsh got her to open herself up to the possibility of love again. Her relationship with DeLuca forced her to move forward. She said ‘I love you’ and the situation forced her to have conversations with her kids about her dating again. All of those things and all of those experiences brought her to where she is now.

Cormac is still at a place where he’s working on all of that and that’s okay. Because Meredith will be there as a friend to help him through it and eventually they’ll wind up together. She’s at a place now where she’s ready to move on and move forward with her life and date someone who’s in it for the long haul and who understands her experience and with whom she can build and re-build her life. She’s come a long way. I’m glad that Meredith and DeLuca are really and truly over. I’m glad that Meredith can see that now and that Carina seems to have taken the lead with trying to get him some help.

At the very least the fact that he walked out into a blizzard without gloves or mittens like an idiot means he’ll be out of commission for the foreseeable future. Which means he’ll either disappear from the show altogether and then probably show up later to say goodbye or we’ll see Jackson treating him on and off over the next several episodes and then he’ll be written off. I thought they did a really good job in this episode of portraying DeLuca’s illness and the fact that he was unwell and not thinking clearly. 

Meredith and Carina are right to be concerned and DeLuca isn’t able to see it at all. His last comment to her about Alzheimer’s was cold, cruel, inappropriate, and uncalled for. I think there’s a really great parallel there between Derek and DeLuca in that Derek used to worry all the time about Meredith getting Alzheimer’s. The difference is Derek tried to do something about it. He tried to find a cure. There’s a line from an earlier season, I don’t remember which one, where Derek is talking to one of the other characters, I think it’s Owen or maybe Richard, and he says that every time Meredith forgets her keys he panics especially when they’re in her hand or her purse.

He worries about her and actively tries to help. Derek could be a real asshole sometimes, but he loved Meredith very much and that love always underpinned everything that they did. And that’s the difference between someone who truly loves you and someone who just thinks they love you. Derek would never accuse Meredith of having Alzheimer’s or say something like that because he understood what that meant. DeLuca on the other hand is lashing out. When someone really loves you they support you and try to find ways to help. They don’t just say they love you and then use your past and your family history and your concern against you to make you leave.

The most shocking part of the episode for me was Teddy! Wow! I did not see that coming! When someone knocked on Tom’s door I expected to be Owen wanting to talk about his friendship with Teddy or an upset Amelia wanting to talk about Link and Owen. I did not expect it to be Teddy and I did not expect her to kiss him. Twist! I loved the scene when Teddy walked up to Maggie at work and said she respected her loyalty to Amelia and wasn’t asking her to betray anyone or anything or to lie but that she couldn’t shake this feeling that Amelia’s baby was Owen’s and so she asked her if she was crazy for thinking that. Maggie was very measured and said that no she wasn’t crazy.

I liked this exchange because Teddy voiced her concerns in a way Maggie could understand and then as a result Maggie was able to answer her in a way that got to the truth but didn’t involve her lying or betraying anyone’s trust. Teddy basically asked her, ‘Am I barking up the wrong tree here?’ and Maggie’s answer was, ‘No girl. You’re not. Trust your intuition. It’s right.’ In other news Bailey asked Joey to move in with them!!! Him and Tuck seem to be getting along great which is awesome! What’s not so awesome is the fact that Bailey didn’t tell Ben before she brought a whole kid home to live in their house. Kidnapping/Adopting children/babies without telling your husband seems to be this season’s theme! I liked that she showed him around the hospital and talked about all of the possibilities for his future.

The twist with the new resident actually being a patient got me! I did not see that coming! I’m glad that she did actually have some medical training though. She wasn’t going in blind. But still wow! I also did not see the thing with Richard coming. He has a tremor in his hand that may prevent him from operating. I wonder when that started. If it’s been happening for a while that might explain the way he’s been feeling, the signs of depression, the feeling of defeat, and the breakdown in his relationship with Catherine. On the other hand, all of that could have just been what it was and he’s just noticing this now which is why he’s been so depressed and defeated lately.

This poor man. He married Adele who he loved, but constantly choose his work over her. He had an affair with Ellis and had a great love in his life, but chose his career over her out of professional jealously. She eventually got Alzheimer’s and died. Then Adele got Alzheimer’s and died. Then he got together with Catherine and they got married and then she got cancer. He’s almost lost his career multiple times due to his alcoholism, being a dry drunk, and relapsing. He found out he had a daughter he never knew he had. Meredith came back into his life and he was plagued with guilt over what happened and has tried ever since to make amends. Then he gets fired by his protégé from standing up for her while his wife sat by and did nothing.

He starts over and goes to work at Pac North and works hard to turn the place around with Alex and Owen. Then he loses his niece at Maggie’s hands. Then Catherine convinces herself he’s having an affair when he’s not and then just to spite him she buys Pac North out from under him and tries forces him to go back to work under her terms. And now that he’s finally back in the OR at Grey Sloan where he belongs on his own terms he’s developed a tremor in his hand. Which means he won’t be able to operate like he used to. This man never catches a break. Richard has screwed up in a lot of ways and made a lot of mistakes, but what I like about his character most is that he’ll go to any length to fix them and he has. If Catherine can’t see that it’s her loss.

I’ll be interested to see where they go with this storyline. I mean on the one hand Richard has been threatening to retire since Season 1 y’all! On the other hand a tremor is very serious and there’s no way after operating drunk and everything he’s been through that Richard would put his patients at risk like that again. I can see this going a number of ways. They might have him do a similar thing to what Ellis or Nicole Herman did which is continue to teach and train new doctors and lecture but not operate. Or they could have him straight up retire, but I feel like if they were going to do that they would wait until the end of the series. It’s possible this might be a set up for the end of Richard’s story next season.

I hope that he tells Meredith and Maggie what’s going on as they’ll definitely want to know and support him. I think Meredith will be devastated. Bailey will be too. I’ll be interested to see if that patient/resident shows up again. Maybe next season? No wonder Levi couldn't find her the whole episode. She was impersonating a doctor! On that note I think Levi and Nico are over. Levi wants more. He wants a relationship and Nico isn’t in a place to give him that right now. Levi back tracked because he panicked and didn’t want to lose him, but I think he knows deep down that they’re over. This is the beginning of the end.

We also got some more information on Alex in this episode. At the beginning Meredith texted him asking where he was and saying that she knew he wasn’t in Iowa. Later Hayes complained to Meredith about how his supposedly great co-chief had suddenly gone MIA and couldn’t even be bothered to show up for his former patient’s family. We find out that the little girl Cormac and Meredith are operating on is the sister of one of Alex’s old patients. Then at the end of the episode Jo is at home drinking alone when she hears someone at the door. Jo and the audience are made to think it’s Alex, but it’s not it’s Link.

We find out that Jo finally called Helen, Alex’s mother. It turns out he’s not there and he never was. Which means either he lied about where he was going or he was on his way to visit his Mom and something happened. Jo because of everything she’s been through panics. She tells Link that she thinks that Alex has left her. That he felt the need to escape his life and so he lied and just took off. But as everyone else has been telling her for weeks that’s not like Alex. Alex is not the kind of person who just walks away ever. And Meredith’s not buying it either which means something is definitely wrong.

There’s a lot of ways they could go with this storyline. I’ve been wondering why they didn’t do a big send off right away and I have a theory now. I’m thinking that maybe the reason they decided to draw it out was because they had to get a bunch of other storylines in place before writing him off. You can see very clearly where Alex was supposed to fit in the current storyline and in order to write him off they’ve had to adjust all of that and then set everything up for his departure. While we’ll never know for sure what those storylines would have been if Justin Chambers had stayed for the rest of the season here’s what I think would have happened. I think they wrote Alex being in Iowa to visit his Mom initially as a plot device.

Jo stealing that baby is only shocking if Alex isn’t there. I think the original plan was for Alex to come back and for them to adopt that baby or another child together. With Pac North being shut down we would have seen Alex come back to Grey Sloan with everyone else and Co-Chief with Hayes. We would have seen him join together with the rest of the gang and rise up against Koracick and join with Meredith and Richard to help Bailey through her miscarriage. I think he also would have been there for Maggie through what happened with Sabi and Amelia with what happened with Link.

I like to think that if Justin Chambers had stayed that Alex and Cormac would have become friends. Cristina sent him and Jo and Amelia like him and see a chemistry between him and Meredith. As Co-Chiefs they would spend a lot of time together and after an initial rocky start, I think they would have become friends. I’m sad that we’ll never get to see any of this, but I respect the right of an actor to move on. As for how they’re going to write Alex off I have a few theories. Theory 1, is that he was on his way to Iowa to visit his Mom when something happened. I’m guessing they might do something similar to Derek’s death where we’ll find out that he stopped at the scene of an accident to help people and died in the process.

Typically, when that happens the authorities would contact Jo or someone would have answered her or Meredith’s calls and texts by now. They could explain this by saying he got separated from his wallet and phone i.e. it was in the car that got wrecked or they found his body a distance away from the car. Theory 2, is that he did go visit his Mom in Iowa, but stopped on the way there to visit his siblings Aaron and Amber. Last we heard Alex had to have Aaron committed presumably to a facility somewhere in Iowa and Amber was doing okay and has a least one kid.

This could explain why he didn’t pick up Richard’s phone call but sent him an emoji response, but then went radio silent. That emoji text was the last in character response any of the characters got which makes me think that whatever happened to Alex happened after that. Maybe he was on a plane or driving so he was unable to pick up the call, but was able to send a quick text back. It’s also possible that one of his siblings has or had his phone. Maybe he went to visit Amber and he was in another room so she listened to the voicemail and responded for him. He talks about what a mess Pac North is all the time so it wouldn’t be that hard to respond for him.

Or maybe he set it down and Aaron picked it up. He was really unstable the last we heard so it makes sense that if he has or had the phone that the responses would be off. Of course, none of that explains why he hasn’t called the hospital or Meredith or Jo directly using someone else’s phone which leads me to believe that someone has happened. Last episode we saw Meredith text him and the ellipses text pop up and then disappear. It was implied that Alex started to respond, but then stopped. I think they’re faking us out here. Alex would never do that.

I’m guessing that someone else has his phone. It could be that something horrible has happened to him and that Amber has his phone and is trying to find the words to tell his wife and best friend that she’s never met that he’s gone. It could be no one has his phone and that it’s sitting in a plastic bag in a hospital or morgue somewhere and that someone hit it accidentally while transporting it. There are a lot of reasons why all of this could be the case, but Alex just abandoning his life after he called Meredith every day when she did the same thing is not one of them. There’s no way.

We find out in this episode that Link has apparently been sleeping in the Attending’s Lounge and forsaking hygiene as he’s worried about Amelia. Owen is still completely in the dark. Teddy realize that Amelia’s baby might be Owen’s and that a part of him will always be in love with Amelia and Cristina for that matter so decides to go back to Tom and make out with him in his hotel room instead. Maggie’s caught in the middle, but is handling it better than she did the first time around so that’s good!

And it looks like we are finally going to find out what happened to Alex next week! Oh my god! I’m not ready! I’m not ready people. Alex Karev is one of my favourite characters of all time! Right next to Cristina Yang! I love Cristina as a character because I identify with her so much. I love Alex as a character because he’s had the best most realistic growth and character development of any character ever! One of the things I love about him is that he stopped being an ass because he realized the women in his program were lapsing him and he needed to ditch the attitude if he wanted to succeed. In real life that’s how change actually happens and I love that they showed that.

The entire promo for next week is a clip show about Alex. It shows the opening scene from the pilot with Richard and all the interns. Meredith, Alex, Cristina, Izzie, and George AKA MAGIC hanging out in the tunnels. Alex becoming Interim Chief of Surgery of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Scenes of Meredith and Alex and Cristina and Alex together. The disastrous dinner party where Penny showed up. Meredith helping Alex get ready for his trial. We see Meredith and Alex talking about being each other’s person after Cristina moved to Switzerland. Alex being there for Meredith after the attack. Alex being there for Bailey. Alex watching Jo go in for psychiatric treatment.

We hear Meredith’s phone call to Alex from Season 13, “They’re were five of us and now it’s just you and I and it can’t be just me.” The text reads ‘After 16 Seasons we’re saying goodbye to Dr. Alex Karev. See how his story ends.’ I’m not ready! The song that plays is ‘Say Something’ by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. The lines they use for the promo are all about love and how they’re sorry they couldn’t get to someone or reach them. Oh my god. Good lord. I’m already upset. And now I have that song stuck in my head gosh darnit!

Until next time!

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1298

Monday, January 27, 2020

 It's the Year of the Rat man. I hope it's a happy one for you and yours. I had the pleasure of spending time with the newest member of the Jee Gang toting baby Ashton around while he took in the happy chaos at our Chinese New Year gathering yesterday. His wonder at the world makes it a happier place.

 Conan Serpent War #4 - Jim Zub (writer) Ig Guara & Vanesa R. Del Rey (art) Frank D'Armata & Jean-Francois Beaulieu (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This bizarre adventure teaming up Conan, Solomon Kane, Agnes and Moon Knight concludes with the demon Wyrm chopped up into fish food. This story won't matter to anyone other than fans of those four heroes but it sure was fun to read.

 Batman #87 - James Tynion IV (writer) Guillem March (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I'm happy Catwoman and Cheshire are in this story. I love how Guillem March draws women. There are a lot of players in Gotham City right now so please pay attention as the mystery unfolds.

 Once & Future #6 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Dan Mora (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). That's two fantasy stories that ends with the death of a serpent. Must be a common theme this week. One of the bad guys gets away and the story of Duncan and his Granny will continue. I don't know if I'll read the next arc since this one didn't conclude very well. I felt that Zombie King Arthur was defeated too easily.

 Detective Comics #1019 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Scott Godlewski (art) David Baron (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). And so the winter solstice passes and the mystery of the Nordic cult ends. I'm glad this story about a creature from the nether regions was short.

 Atlantis Attacks #1 - Greg Pak (writer) Ario Anindito (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I picked this off the rack to read because I wanted to see what Namor was up to these days. He's back being the angry ruler of Atlantis pissed off at the air breathers. This time he's mad at all of the Agents of Atlas. That Jimmy Woo sure hangs out with the weirdest heroes of the Marvel U. If you're a fan of all those Agents you'll want to add this 5-issue mini to your subscriptions.

 Year of the Villain: Hell Arisen #2 - James Tynion IV (writer) Steve Epting & Javier Fernandez (art) Nick Filardi (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). Cool. It looks like Lex Luthor is going to be the one to save the world this time. I like who he's asking for help. I'll give you a hint: har.

 The Amazing Spider-Man #38 - Nick Spencer (writer) Iban Coello (art) Brian Reber (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Here's the latest twist to the life of Peter Parker: J. Jonah Jameson is helping Spider-Man now instead of vilifying the hero. Jonah is also working for a new media firm and the old fogey does not like what he sees. We're back to the Chameleon storyline where Peter and his spy sister Theresa are trying to get back all the S.H.I.E.L.D. tech that was stolen. All the dangling plot threads are starting to get annoying.

 Superman #19 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Ivan Reis (pencils) Joe Prado, Danny Miki, Julio Ferreira & Oclair Albert (inks) Alex Sinclair (colours) AndWorld Design (letters). I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop after Superman's big secret identity reveal. All of his Earthly super villains haven't taken advantage of the news so let's head out into space shall we? This is where Mongul attacks the new United Planets. The Superman versus Mongul fights have been epic and this new one won't disappoint.

 Fantastic Four #18 - Dan Slott (writer) Paco Medina, Francesco Manna & Carlos Magno (art) Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Now I get the point of this "Point of Origin" story. When Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben launched all those years ago, the Overseer of the planet Spyre saw a threat to his perfect planet and shot cosmic rays at the ship to kill the FF. We know how that went off the rails. So now we have the Fantastic Four returning to Spyre and basically screwing up the whole planet like the Overseer foresaw. Hey, you don't mess with Destiny. I wonder why Reed is so pissed off in the next issue teaser.

 Batman Superman #6 - Joshua Williamson (writer) David Marquez (art) Alejandro Sanchez (colours) John J. Hill (letters). Well that was a whole lot of yakkity-yak. This issue takes place before Year of the Villain: Hell Arisen #1. Batman and Superman find Wonder Woman to tell her the bad news that Donna Troy has been infected by the Batman Who Laughs. Then they continue to try and find a cure for the infected. The issue ends with a surprise appearance of two super villains making the next issue a "must read" for me.

 Marauders #6 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Matteo Lolli & Mario Del Pennino (art) Erick Arciniega & Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Kitty (call her Kate) saves the day but is sunk in the end. I've been ambivalent about reading this title of political intrigue and this issue made up my mind to bench this book. The subject matter is mature but the dialogue is juvenile so I'm outta here.

 Kill Lock #2 - Livio Ramondelli (story & art) Tom B. Long (letters). The search for the key to disable the Kill Lock continues. I care about the plight of these four condemned droids.

 The Old Guard: Force Multiplied #2 - Greg Rucka (writer) Leandro Fernandez (art) Daniela Miwa (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). The team goes to rescue victims of human traffickers and get a surprise when they open the container. This book will blow you away.

 Guardians of the Galaxy #1 - Al Ewing (writer) Juann Cabal (art) Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Call him Racoon, Rocket Racoon. Rocket's gone from looking like road kill in the last story arc to quite the fashion plate in this new run. And his guns have gotten a lot smaller. The team is recovering from the Universal Church of Truth massacre but their respite is short lived. Zeus and his Greek gods have returned and they're all evil now. You can tell because they're dressed in black. Nova asks the Guardians for help but only Starlord, Rocket, Moondragon and Phyla-Vell/Captain Marvel join the fray. I like that Marvel Boy is back and when the mission goes FUBAR, a surprise ally makes an appearance. The art alone makes this worth picking up off the rack.

 Basketful of Heads #4 - Joe Hill (writer) Leomacs (art) Dave Stewart (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). Poor June, she keeps meeting up with bad men. You can't blame a girl for defending herself. Now there are two heads in the basket. Basket head number three just introduced himself. This is just too weirdly fun.

 Ruins of Ravencroft: Dracula #1 - Frank Tieri (writer) Angel Unzueta (modern day art) Stefano Landini (flashback art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This is the last of the one-shots leading into the 5-issue Ravencroft mini. It's going to have lots of Marvel heroes and villains if this issue is any indication. In the first few pages alone we have Man Wolf, Misty Knight, Mr. Fantastic, the Falcon, Power Man and Iron fist and the Winter Soldier who introduces the flashback where Captain America fights with Dracula. When we return to the present, new inmates are being incarcerated into the Ravencroft Institute for the Criminal Insane. I could only identify Mr. Hyde but I didn't recognise the others. The consultant hired to work with these inmates was a surprise and may entice you to pick up Ravencroft #1 when it hits the racks on January 29. Imagine if the Joker were hired to work at Arkham Asylum.

 Wonder Woman #750 - I read all 9 stories in this $9.99 US anniversary issue to see where Princess Diana was at right now. Nothing much has changed since I stopped reading her book regularly so I won't be picking up #751. I've read other comic books aimed at young female readers, the Unstoppable Wasp is a good example, but this one doesn't spark a renewed interest in me to follow Wonder Woman's adventures.

 Birds of Prey 100-Page Giant #1 - Now this is more like it. There are 3 new stories and 3 reprints that I've not read before so it's a great value at $4.99 US. The core team of Batgirl, Black Canary and Huntress are joined by Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Catwoman, all fabulous females ready for action. Almost makes me want to see the Birds of Prey movie that hits theatres Friday, February 7.

[tinkdw]

14x03 watching notes and mini meta

My feelings are summed up with this gif x:

So much good stuff, where to start?! Longer / specific meta’s to a topic are linked and underlined. Okay, let’s dive in :)

- Sam’s beard. This was too good I had to do a quick visual meta on it right after I watched it. Dean really loves scruff on men, has flirted with guys with scruff, literally told Cas he liked his peach fuzz, but on Sam? HELL NO thats my brother! Brilliant, funny, sibling jibing, cute and bi!Dean stuff Bobo, kudos.

- Dean’s repressing his memories and pretending he doesn’t remember just like Hell, a callback to season 4. While he’s got a different Supernatural scar (Michael wound v Cas’ handprint which is another Supernatural forced bond v chosen bond with Cas theme just as Amara was) and all the Dean / Michael parallels going on since season 4/5 pointed it out and Dean in the end bravely went against his duty and destiny to be true to himself instead of the Michael mirror he was supposed to be while now he’s being told/asked again “are you like Michael or are you your own person?” Next up: PROVE IT. Excellent.

- The perfunctory Jack hug v the Cas eye love making wow, I mean I speculated that we wouldn’t get a hug because thematically it made sense not to with the holding back and empty space theme between them so having a Jack hug but not a Cas one was so jarring and supposed to be. It was done so well to show how much deeper the feelings are between Dean and Cas without a hug. Wowzers. Dean is looking at Cas then Jack launches in to hug him which he accepts but then just continues to just keep staring at Cas. Those two can convey more with their eyes than most can do with their whole bodies, it was so intimate and so much while at the same time showing the whole empty space holding back thing we yelled about all of last year after the mirror opposite of Cas being restored to Dean, on top of the romantic music when the scene starts but crescendos like crazy as soon as Cas enters and ends when Dean walks out. Pfffft.

Kaia, Cas and Jack mirrors, Dean’s metaphorical “am I like Michael?” arc and all the rest under the cut.

- Kaia! My anon from last week was right kudos! I’ll admit to having been totally wrong about that link with the scar, this is cool! The symbolism of Michael, epitome of the metaphor of toxic masculinity and Dean’s hang ups being terrified of little queer girl Kaia is just... wowzers. So much symbolism there, meanwhile Dean is literally stuck in the middle being harmed both physically and emotionally by this tug of war. All we need is for Kaia to become textually good, be emancipated, to help Dean defeat Michael (come on, the symbolism of the two of them doing it together? With help from Dean’s family Cas, Sam and even maybe Jack?!) and we’re good to go on a Dean Sublimation Winchester to Dean Emancipation Winchester textual storyline. 

*grabby hands*

- Dean’s comment of “I didn’t mean to be a dick” while Jack’s all “everything is my responsibility” which is Dean’s MO makes me FEEL THINGS. 

- Dean is throwing himself into the case to avoid his feelings and left Cas behind with ease. IMO, totally metaphorical as well as useful for the plot. Leaving his feelings and things that make him emotional behind? Better leave Cas there then, can’t have Cas and all the feelings that go with him next to him just being Cas when he’s precisely trying to bury his feelings, running away from them. Sam then acknowledging that this is “kinda your thing” is great. Yes Sam.

- Note the different music between Cas and Dean and Sam and Dean’s “moments” >...>

- Jody loving Sams beard lol, I just... love this. Whatever meta wise, it’s gold :p

- SAM AND SERIAL KILLERS!!! Just before we get Dean and horror movies! Showing their different interests! Yasssssss :D :D :D :D :D THIS IS MY ENDING THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY LETTING THEM BE THEIR OWN PEOPLE JAM!

- Jack was going to leave and now isn’t because he wants to help someone, he is truly a Winchester.

- IT’S MARKED GROSS STUFF. All the headcanons of Dean and Cas doing domestic shit around the bunker. Throw in Sam on occasion too where Sam and Cas both eye roll at Dean’s childish antics with indulgent smiles and you got me one happy headcanoning fangirl. Thanks Bobo :)

- One of my dads! *internal screaming*

- “My mum probably hates me cos I ran away” Sam mirror?! Jack mirror obviously, but hey everyone’s a TFW mirror. Everyone’s a mirror of someone who’s a mirror of someone these days. It’s hard to keep up.

- Dean’s barrelling ahead but Sam has actually done intel, he is the rightful leader here. Dean is an emotional liability. This is gonna rear it’s head.

- Ok but is the necklace clearly not cursed...

- “First love strikes quick and to lose it like that” - I mean!! 

A. Great that the GA get the textualisation that it was romantic that we’ve known since the ep aired, but great that it’s clearly canon now not just subtext. Though showing that clearly the subtext they did use (which was ALL DeanCas parallels) was supposed to show a romance story there >....>

B. Sam totally gets losing your first love to a Supernatural being and being set on revenge, throwing yourself into hunting to mask the pain. Jess rearing her head so late in the game is heartbreaking.

C. Insert matching gifs of Kaias death and Cas’s death too (which we paralleled to Sam x Jess and John x Mary at the time). Pffft. Then straight on to taking about Dean. More pffffft.

- Kaia was trying to stab Claire when they first met. Ok we get you want to write Destiel but openly queer Bobo, I love it, keep going.

- Jack losing someone and blaming himself while Cas looks like he is too. Jack is lamenting his powers... really to be a good Cas mirror he needs to find the solution here thanks to his mind and his human, powerless side to show this is just as powerful as having ‘powers’.- Oh look! He does ;) That’s not significant at all. Side eyes.- Cas is so proud :p

- Dean definitely seemed to have a Michael callback moment there. Excellent, I’ll be keeping a tabs in case it continues as per my spec that he will display Michael-esque behaviour over the season for plot and metaphorical reasons.

- Dean “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to defeat Michael” and going Michael on Kaia is an exact mirror of Nick murdering the neighbour in a fit of rage over “I’m gonna so whatever it takes to get revenge for my family”.

- Kaia / Bobo points it out that he’s like Michael okay lol hammer to the face but good that makes it simple :p

- Scared - “you always have been”. Flashback to Dean going nuts at Kaia and calling it what it is. Fear. No brainwashing, just Dean. As I said at the time >...> Of course it was all Dean and this is him too, it’s about how scared he is to be alone, to lose the people he loves, to feel unloved, unwanted, unuseful and all his hangups. This whole thing has been a giant neon sign pointing at Dean’s inner demons since day 1 and Bobo is clarifying for us just as Dabb clarified the Jack-Cas stuff earlier because of course it only makes sense to their character arc if they’re making their own decisions.

- God I love them.

- I’m already expecting stans to be mad that Kaia saved the 3 best hunters. *rolls eyes and moves* on ITS METAPHORICALLY SYMBOLIC and IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT.

- Jody feels like a John callback here about raising hunters and feeling like you’ve already lost before youve started whilst at the same time clearly is Bobo lamenting the loss of Wayward Sisters. Man... clutches heart strings.

- Cas “you made me so proud”. He’s so sweet and kind and argh. Proving that Jack is both hunter and angel. “Let’s go on a hunting trip” and Cas making soup?! End me! where’s the fan art?!!!!!

- Oh dear. Jack... Chekhov’s bloody cough.

- Dean actually opened up within one episode?! Wow. Character growth! He admits he was repressing and it was stupid. He admits he does remember some stuff as a clear mirror opposite to how long it took him to open up in season 4. He felt like he was drowning. Wow the depression metaphor. Now he feels responsible again. Sigh... a whole season of Dean pain. Well, we were prepared, let’s just tighten that seat belt.

- ALL THE HUGS FOR BOBO!!!

[silverinia]

For that fic ask thingy... tell us about Lillies 😊😘

Hahaha, what all 15 questions? Okay, let’s do this 🙅🏻‍♀️

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It must have been during one of my TGW rewatch sessions that I realized that after ep 1x13 they never mentioned Spellman and Diane being threatened by him again (I guess they were still experimenting with the characters and this storyline only served to show a more vulnerable side of her and to introduce us to her conflict of being pro gun control but still enjoying to carry at the same time). And the idea for the fic just popped into my head and wouldn’t let me go again, so yeah, here we are 😄

The most important thing to me was to do it in a respectful and realistic way, I never wanted to write about the topic of sexual assault for the assault itself, rather wanted to show those characters trying to wrap their lives and their relationship around it and moving on together, if that makes sense. That’s also why the bigger part of the fic takes place after the incident.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Well… I did start with the first chapter and took it from there, I find that this is the easiest way for me to write because I can build up the suspense more easily when I do it like this. The first scene that I pictured in my head before I even began the outline though was their fight in Chapter 11, that was the scene that wouldn’t let me go and eventually made me write it all.

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

Hmm, I think it’s a tie between “Skin against skin, their embrace was the peak of intimacy in the purest and most innocent way.” in Chapter 38 and “And all those realizations, all those great things about this wonderful man who was standing there, waiting for her, waiting to agree to spend the rest of his life with her and the huge declaration of love he had just wordlessly told her with the way he was looking at her and the fact that she was finally able to hold that gaze, they shot hot tears into her eyes.” from the wedding chapter. That first one really reflected the deep level of trust between them, even though she wasn’t ready to sleep with him again, and I liked the contradiction in the term peak of intimacy. And the latter, I don’t know. It summed up their journey in this story, how he helped her overcome those insecurities, how he gained her trust over the course of this and, tbh, I also just really liked the image of her, walking down the aisle to him…

4: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

Okay, there are certain parts of dialogue that I liked, but for stand-alone lines it would either be “You’re not a victim, Diane. You are a survivor.” (Chapter 28) or “Diane, you never needed anyone to save you. […] But I’m glad you let me help you save yourself. Because I love you.” (46, proposal chapter) (side note: this line was one I wrote towards on from a very early chapter. I thought about making it the last line for quite a while, thought about putting it in his vows but then settled on this), both said by Kurt because I needed him to believe in her strength at a time in which she couldn’t do that for herself. I like the empowerment of her independence in those lines. They really sum up how I wished to portray a woman who was forced to go through something like this. Like a survivor instead of a victim and as someone who didn’t need a knight in shining armour to save her from the pain. That was really important to me.

5: What part was the hardest to write?

God, so many 😂 The nightmares and their aftermath were very, VERY difficult though. Most of Kurt’s and Will’s dialogue with Diane in the greater part of this were incredibly difficult because I remember just sitting in front of the screen and thinking, What the hell are they supposed to say? I realized how intuitively you fall into the clichées of ‘How are you?’s or ‘If there’s anything I can do…’s and that sucks. Because it’s obvious that they’re not good. And it’s obvious that someone like Diane would never reach out for help if they don’t just give it to her without another word of questioning, as they end up doing. So, yeah. That was hard. But I wanted to do it right, so I guess it was at least worth it 😅 at least I hope so.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

One, that it was my first. I had almost 40 chapters of it written when I began to post it because this was all new territory for me, fanfiction, this particular fandom and their response to new writers, general perception of a difficult topic like rape… And then, of course, my own response to writing about it. I mean, as a writer, you really don’t just need to dive into those characters’ heads but also into your own to put at least a few emotions into it. I didn’t know if this was going to bring me down really bad, if I would cry during the process (fun fact: I did. Three times, I think) and if I could even go through with it and finish it at all. I also went through a lot of major life changes when I started to write this and I think that not only my writing changed a lot over the cause of it, but I as a person did, too. It’s very close to my heart. I associate certain chapters with the states that I was in when I wrote or edited them and that makes it pretty special 💕

7: Where did the title come from?

Okay, I really don’t know how to answer that. I’m really, really bad at coming up with titles. Actually, I think that this didn’t have a real title up until I started posting it because then I had to name it somehow. I’d referenced both the infamous white calla lilies and the smell of gunpowder a lot already at that point and I kinda just thought that they were sweet symbols for the two of them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I played around with several different titles and when this came out of nowhere, it felt right. It made sense because it was like a theme, threading through the story, and it sounded melodic and I honestly was just glad that I didn’t have to name it something too long and too ridiculous, like I did now with most of my other fics 😶

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of this?

Difficult question. I think that (sadly), most women have had to deal with sexual assault at some point in their lives. I saw my friends and family reacting to my stories in similar ways Kurt does in the fic.

On a lighter note, a guy I really loved inspired lots of the happier parts in it. And my best friend, my own, female Will Gardner, she’s in a lot of it, too 💕

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Only in my head. Regarding whether or not I would have Kurt shooting Spellman, if I would kill Spellman off at all, if they should get married in the end, if I would write about Diane handling a rape case when she’s better (found the middle ground on that one in the epilogue, but this could have been an entire storyline) and so on. But the version I uploaded is the only one I wrote, though I did consider writing a sequel for it until I decided that the two of them had suffered enough in this alternate universe, so I created a new one around my idea and Everything’s gonna be alright was born.

10: Why did you choose this paring for this particular story?

Okay, first of all, I’d say that I chose this story for the pairing and not the other way around, and yes, I think there’s a huge difference in that.

I wanted to unravel them. They’re such amazingly complex characters, both incredibly proud and I really wanted to make them vulnerable (as I’m typing this, I’m very aware of that this makes me sound like a freaking psychopath). And the no. 1 thing, apart from politics, that always drove Kurt and Diane to each other was the (sexual) attraction between them. And while it is of course another layer of the depth of their relationship, another level of their bond, I wanted to explore the characters in a state where that bond was no easy way out. Two people that tend to choose physical attraction over having to deal with their emotions, who choose make-up sex over talking through their problems (sans season 3 of TGF because they’re perfect now), I wanted to explore what would happen if they couldn’t do that anymore, put them in a situation in which they had to confront major issues in another, healthier way.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Oh God.

I tried to make it emotionally deep and respectful regarding the heavy topic. I tried not to rob Diane of her independence, rather wanted her to find additional strength in Kurt instead of completely making her depend on him. I wanted her to work this out in realistic timing and I didn’t want to rush their way back to physical intimacy. I wanted him to react to her pain and her ways around it, find his own mechanisms to deal with those and to the pace she set with it in the right way. And I don’t know if I did all that, but I’d like to hope so.

And I really like Chapter 38, because I think it underlined a lot of that.

And I ended up really liking the title of the fic.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

Hah, definitely the first few chapters. I mean, the characterisation was alright I guess, but my writing was just awful. Like, I never love my writing but sometimes it’s exceptionally bad, as it was in those first few chapters. Sometimes I scroll through them and want to rewrite it all, but it’s part of the journey and that’s why I don’t do it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I always listen to music when I write and the first thing that comes to mind here is Debussy’s Clair de Lune. And not just Clair de Lune, no, I mean the YouTube extended version that keeps on going for an hour. Over and over again. That’s why I referenced it in the proposal chapter, it really deserved to be mentioned at that point.

I also listened a lot to Lana del Rey and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds during Chapters, I dunno, ten to thirty, I guess, for the angsty mood (honourable mentions: Tomorrow never came, Young and Beautiful, Art Deco and Blue Jeans; Into my Arms, Henry Lee and Where the Wild Roses Grow (ironic, I know)) and the song Firefighter by Cigarettes after Sex.

And for the happier Chapters after that lots of Cigarettes after Sex and Beach House (literally cannot put what their music does to me into words. It’s art, almost magical, really) (honourable mentions: Apocalypse (please do yourselves a favour and listen to this song), Sweet and Sunsetz; Myth, Space Song and On the Sea (over and over again during the epilogue)), Florence and The Machine AND Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Lots of great music.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from this fic?

Huh. Well, it might sound bitchy or self-absorbed, but I mostly just write what I want to write. I want to study characters that I love and I want to write in a way that might hopefully touch people on any level, whether it’s humour or angst, I kinda just like the idea of writing words that make people feel things.

But if anyone’s learned something regarding the subject and their views about it, I’m more than happy and thrilled about that, though I wouldn’t put the praise for that on myself but rather on the ones who learned, you know? ‘Cause it’s one thing to write, it’s another thing to learn from reading. That requires more effort on the readers part IMO. I just can’t say that it was my intention to write something that holds major life lessons or revelations, I really just wanted to write and reach people emotionally by doing that and to maybe give them something they would enjoy by doing something that I enjoy.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That love doesn’t solve all issues solely by itself and that it’s only enough if every involved party works to let love stay a beautiful thing instead of letting it grow to become something painful.

I learned a lot about sexual assault and how it’s handled in the social system when I did my research.

I already knew that if bad things happen to you, they still don’t need to define you if you don’t let them, but I learned that it’s not a bad thing if they shape you in some ways.

And I learned how much I missed writing until I did it again for this fic. And I learned that, oddly, my writing is able to touch some people. And even though I don’t want other people’s feedback to be my motivation when I write, I learned how wonderful it is to have strangers reaching out to you when they take joy from something you love to do.

—–

This is long, but yeah. Thanks for the questions, honey, this was very nice ❤ I feel all warm inside now, ew, feelings, ugh.

[bisexualstokes-archive]

Is it too personal or may I ask what the long story that got you back into George is?

honestly i could use this ask as a way to really sit back and reflect on what’s going on in my life so yeah here’s the story:

(warnings for depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts)

so going way back to my junior year of high school, september 2009-may 2010, that was like…one of the happiest years of my life. I had some really great friends at the time, family life (from what i remember) was more or less going okay (although i remember my parents were pissing me off when i was in driver’s ed), i was getting out more, things changed in my youth group and over all it was just a great year?? and CSI?? Season 10?? was so good?? 

and then my senior year of high school started, I got into some shit with not just one, but TWO of my friends, one of which I was like..in love with, and I was getting scared because Things Were Changing and I had all this pressure on me to get a job, go to college, etc, etc. (I also did start a job in the summer between my junior and senior years and I had a crush at this job and our relationship got Complicated and we never did anything, I sort of pushed him away cause I thought I was too young to be with someone who was a couple years older than me, and I was just scared about it in general.) But I was still watching CSI. I still loved it. I still loved Nick Stokes/George Eads.

And then came my first year of college, again, still watching CSI, and I was trying–oh god I was trying so hard to keep my anxiety under control as everything was changing, I was in a brand new school where I knew like…nobody (well a few people here and there–I went to a popular community college in my vicinity so I did see a few people from high school) and again getting this pressure to succeed in college cause college just wasn’t a thing people did in my family–not until everyone began to realize how important it was (some of my cousins went back to school and got degrees and such)

and I was also trying to do my best to keep in touch with my friends, trying to mend the cracks in the two friends I had beef with, but another friend–who I had since seventh grade at that point–and I were getting closer and closer (she’s my absolute BEST friend at this point in my life tbh and uhm yeah I don’t know where I would be without her but I’ll get to that later)

and I was still watching CSI, still in love with nick, etc etc–but I was also getting into another obsession…Doctor Who

Sophmore year of college?? I think this is where depression was starting to get to me a bit. 

I had absolutely NO idea what I wanted to with my life. Family still pressuring me to succeed, things were getting Complicated with that guy at work, I started another job–so I was working two jobs at one point in my life and going to school which is uh Fun. I can’t remember much but I do remember in general being a bit freaked out over having to change schools cause that was a New thing and I was not good with change (because of my anxiety)

SO then we come to my junior year of college, and so began my dangerous Apathy phase, where I didn’t give a shit that I was failing tests because I wasn’t studying because Doctor Who basically consumed my life. I didn’t care about myself–It’s such a little thing, but I stopped brushing my hair at one point and wasn’t taking care of my body the way I should have–I had never gone to the doctor since my high school days, so I never had regular check-ups 

things at this point had ended with my first job and I’ve never seen or spoken to that one guy that I have Regrets with–to this day I wish we gave it a shot tbh, cause he seemed like a geuninely caring, nice guy? (not without his faults of course) 

and also uh…I think this was the year I stopped having a regular period. 

I’m talking like…I didn’t have a period for months, and I sure as hell wasn’t pregnant

I also stopped watching CSI, for many reasons, for the way GSR was being handled, for the way Nick was getting the promise of all these interesting storylines but NEVER DID and watching Nick/George obviously going through his own shit (cause he definitely gained weight in that season–and NO JUDGEMENT FROM ME TBH cause I’m, uh…technically classified as obese myself), and again, I was also SUUUPER obsessed with doctor who to the point where it was probably hindering my life

at some point in 2015 i did get my period again and was like “OH LOOK I’M ALL GOOD ON THAT FRONT” probably cause this is when I entered my first almost-relationship, a frequent customer at the store I used to work at asked me out and it didn’t work out in the end cause he was um…idk just Not For Me (and a gross ass kisser) but then after that one period, it disappeared again.

OH but in 2015, when CSI ended, I did watch the finale–Immortality even though I was SUPER pissed about Nick being gone (I did go back and watch just his final scene and cried like a baby) and then proceeded to rewatch grave danger for the first time in years at that point–I actually documented that on my blog here lol (and I did all of that instead of studying for a test that I failed the next day lmao)

so blah blah blah had tons of shit going on until 2016, which was possibly the lowest point of my life in terms of depression/anxiety, even though I had finally graduated college, I got a full time job (the same one I’m in now, three years later, very successful I might add–I just got promoted last year and I’m held in very high esteem by many of my superiors so it gets happy)

but in this full time job, I was moved to third shift for a few months, and was forced to work with this one woman who I like DESPISED–although not completely at the time, but to this day I really just can’t stand her (thankfully she quit lol) 

so the third shift transition was rough enough, but at least I was into a new show–Person of Interest and I was having the Time of My Life with it but it really did start getting me to think about my depression and mental health, which up until that point I had been ignoring, despite that one friend I mentioned earlier having pointed out to me many times throughout 2015-2016 that I needed to go to therapy (and I just didn’t think it would work, I didn’t want to do it, my social anxiety was screaming FUCK NO the whole time)

also the trump election thing happened and uhm yeah there was that. Got into a LOT of heated discussions…and lost like ALL respect for my step-father (who you’ll still see me refer to as “dad” but i’m pointing out he’s my step father in this instance because I would be ashamed to be blood related to him)

and despite our uh, troubles, my dad did try to get me to watch Macgyver, telling me that “hey, nick stokes is in it!” 

but my depressed dumbass was like “oh really? nice” AND THEN DIDN’T WATCH IT LIKE A FUCKING MORON

and on top of that, my house got INFESTED with mice and my parents did nothing outside of setting up mouse traps but it was getting to a point where we found like…five mice in a day and I was starting to see them in the daylight (which is a sign you have an INFESTATION) and ALL of my belongings were getting mouse shit and pee on them (my room is right next to the kitchen) and I ended up purging A LOT of things (including a binder of friendship from the one friend I had trouble with in senior year–which man that hurt to get rid of ((side note, you know what really fucking hurts the most about breaking away from that friend? we’ve known each other since pre-school and I mentioned in tags before about how we do still talk and shit and i am one of her wedding bridesmaids and shit but yeah…not like it used to be)))

and i was getting to a point where I honestly?? just wanted?? to die??

I would say it was like, late 2016 where I was even starting to think of scenarios where I could just…like…disappear? kill myself? I just did not want to exist anymore

2017 came along, fresh start, I kept telling myself. Still had mice in the mouse, but I was fully aware of my mental health issues at this point, and was starting to really listen to my friend more and more, really starting to consider going to therapy (especially now that i had health insurance)

(and also I was beginning to realize I have Feelings for this friend as well–although I gotta wonder if it’s actual romantic love and just not intense friendship cause we really are close friends but like…I could also see us as more? if she were open to it? but I know she doesn’t feel that way about girls and she’s got her own shit to deal with, and i respect that so I never push it or bring it up)

and then? twin peaks: the return came along. Season 3, episode 3, “Call for Help” a fucking masterpiece of an episode and something just…CLICKED in me. Something made me realize, I need to call for help

and so I did. 

2017 was the year of therapy, in which I talked about a lot of the shit above, and then I stopped going in I think 2018? when the therapist moved away, but my sessions were getting farther and farther apart anyway, and I felt like I was finally in a better place in my life. I had more coping mechanisms, more awareness of how to handle myself, and I began to realize I really needed to take care of myself more

so i went to the doctor for the period thing, seems like it was some hormonal imbalance cause i was put on birth control to get my hormones back in order (this is my first month off of them so fingers crossed it still works) and by the time august/september rolled around? 

I started writing again

and I’m not talking fan fiction, I suddenly had the inspiration to write this original story idea I have for a series that was HEAVILY inspired by CSI–in which the third book in the series is about a guy getting buried alive (and a girl trying to save him but doesn’t because ANGST but that’s another long ass story lol)

which, naturally, made me want to watch grave danger again, for the first time in three years. and then…I suddenly wanted to watch more csi?? from the very beginning??

and so I watched the first four episodes of season 1 again, and Nick/George was back in my life again. And it felt SO FREAKING GOOD.

Then, I watched Macgyver because I wanted to see new George content, and immediately fell in love with jack

Caught up with Macgyver and then finished my csi rewatch, this time watching all of season 13 (which I STILL HAVE MIXED FEELINGS OVER just like season 9) and 14-15 (which i regret not watching when it first aired cause it’s SO GOOD)

and I’m not saying like…Nick/Jack/George is the sole cause of my happiness, the cure for my depression/anxiety (cause that shit never goes away, you just learn to manage it better), nor is he the sole love of my life or anything, but…he’s a huge part of who I am, because in those years, when I was struggling, I lost myself. I lost Nick. But now I found myself again, I re-discovered my passion for Nick Stokes, and i’m just as happy as I was back in 2009/2010, and life is just so good

[especially-heinous-ada]

A Police Gala, pt. 16

Boom! APG is back, guys! I realize it has been far too long since I’ve added a new chapter, so for that, I apologize. I already have a part 17 storyline fleshed out to, hopefully, avoid that issue from happening with the next chapter haha. But, without further ado, part 16. Y/N and Rafael have finally made it to the courthouse in one piece, despite someone’s best efforts to prevent it. So begins the first day of the trial. Will Francis finally get his karma? And Y/N, her justice? 

As always, feel free to holla at me in the comments. I love to hear from everyone. I appreciate any support you guys give me in the way of likes, comments, and reblogs. (comments are my fave, though)

(P.S. I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing and I definitely don’t feel like this is 100% my best work, but I damn sure tried to battle through some pretty powerful writer’s block and loss of motivation, so I’m pretty proud of it, regardless).

The room was overly warm, probably to counteract the frigid weather of early December in New York. It made you feel stifled, suffocated. You adjusted your collar as the DA chatted away about the process of the trial, when you’d be called, how you’d be sworn in, etc. The two of you had practiced scenarios in the time leading up to the trial, so you would know what kinds of questions to expect. Practiced direct and cross and re-direct and re-cross until long after the sun dipped low behind the horizon.  

You were an ideal witness, in the prosecutor’s eyes. Beautiful, likeable, personable, well-spoken. Credible. You came with a devoted following, who were all sympathetic. You had a true platform to speak out against domestic violence and abuse against romantic partners. They had forensics, witnesses—an endless stream of proof. This was the kind of case the DA’s worked their entire careers to get—the kind that caught national headlines. A special prosecutor was brought in for the duration of your case to avoid any insinuation of favoritism due to your relationship with Rafael, and extra precautions were taken to protect the validity of evidence and testimony. They could not afford to bungle a case like this one, under any circumstances.  

The stage was set. Time ticked away in a countdown to the start. Given the nature of the case, Francis had been escorted in first to avoid any unpredictable acts from him. Once the Defendant was in position, the bailiff came to tell them the Plaintiff and counsel could enter the courtroom. The special prosecutor looked at you. Asked you if you were ready. As you stood, you felt dizzy, but nodded. Your heart pounded so hard in your chest you felt as if it might break ribs.  

Rafael had to wait in the courtroom for you to enter. He fidgeted from his seat in the first bench behind the Plaintiff’s table. Liv was at his side. She put a calming hand on his shoulder and he glanced over at her with a look of worry.  

“Y/N will be alright, Barba. She’s tough. Smart. And she has the facts on her side.” Liv soothed. Rafael nodded, appreciating the sentiment. Though, it didn’t relieve his worry. He’d seen cases that seemed cut-and-dry as this one go terribly wrong before, and the stakes were higher this time. This time, it was personal.  

He wrung his hands before glancing up just in time to see you enter the room. You must have sensed his gaze because your eyes darted to meet his. You gave a meek smile and he blew you a kiss as you approached. You caught it and put it in your pocket, mouthing the words “saving it for later.”

The prosecutor held out a chair for you to take a seat and you slunk down into it gracefully. From across the courtroom, Francis stared daggers into you.  

Rafael frowned, his hands balling into fists. He could see you stare straight ahead as counsel leaned in close to you to speak. You nodded to whatever it was he’d told you and Rafael couldn’t help but wish he could be seated next to you at the Plaintiff’s table.  

Though he knew this special prosecutor’s track record well enough to know you were in good hands, he still had his reservations. It was the attorney in him, who always believed he could try the case best. That said, he also wasn’t a fan of just how close his lips got to your ears when he whispered to you. He did his best to quell the green monster growing in his thoughts, when the bailiff stood at attention and projected to the room:

“All rise!”

Everyone in the packed courtroom stood. Liv made her exit, leaving Rafael alone with his thoughts. The room grew silent as everyone knew the proceedings were about to begin. The judge entered the court room and took her seat.  

“The Honorable Judge Elana Barth presiding.”

“You may now be seated.” The Judge announced as she began to page through a stack of papers in front her. Not a soul spoke and the only noise in the courtroom was the sound of feet shuffling and benches creaking as people quickly sat, eager for the show to get on.  

“Case number XXXXX, The City of New York versus Francis Kerrigan Shaw.” The judge rattled off the charges against Francis and your mind drifted off elsewhere.  

The time was finally here. This was really happening. You couldn’t believe that Francis had the nerve to plead not guilty to his litany of charges when the evidence was so stacked against him.  

He must think he’s untouchable, you thought. You had to admit, you were afraid he’d be acquitted, even despite the sheer odds of it. After all, it wasn’t unlike the first time he’d had charges brought against him, and his lawyer had somehow managed to worm Francis out of that one, too.  

After some time, counsel launched into opening statements. You listened to the words coming out of the prosecuting attorney’s mouth, but they didn’t entirely register. It was almost as if you were in a dream. For god’s sake, you had just witnessed a man getting shot in cold blood earlier that morning, simply because he was walking alongside you. Now you had to sit here and pretend you were fine?

Not to mention the fact that soon you’d be forced to relive one of the most terrifying experiences of your life, whilst your attacker stared at you like he wanted to hungrily devour you, and his attorney grilled you as if you were the true criminal. How was this justice?

The whole day the two sides went back and forth—the prosecution asserting the truth, and Francis’s defense attorney attempting to artfully dance around it. He tried to allege that the entirety of this trial was revenge against Francis for the failed initial trial. Tried to paint you as a crazy, obsessed ex-girlfriend hell-bent on destroying Francis because he had turned you away. To further add to the victim act, he attempted to insinuate that you’d convinced the NYPD to falsify evidence and perjure themselves on the stand to help put Francis away, simply because you’d donated money to update the precinct.  

“The jury can’t honestly believe his conspiracy theory shtick…can they?” Your words start out confident, but end somewhat shakily. Your glance turns to the special prosecutor as your hand squeezes Rafael’s. The three of you were holed up in the office temporarily assigned to the attorney (who was borrowed from another district) while you waited out the media circus.  

“I highly doubt it,” he said, adjusting the little name placard on his desk. Jackson, it read. You’d never heard of him before, but Rafael seemed to know and approve of him. “They didn’t seem very responsive to his attorney’s assertions that you were a crazed ex-girlfriend. You were very articulate and composed on the stands—not to mention sympathetic. You were great.” He added for reassurance. You turned to Rafael, who nodded in accord.  

Not entirely reassured, you laid your head on Rafael’s shoulder and let out a breath so heavy that felt like years of your life escaping from your lips. Heaven knew the stress was getting to you. Spending the day in court was incredibly draining. It gave you a whole new level of admiration for Rafael; you couldn’t understand how he stood before juries day in and day out.

“Estás bien, Cariño?” He asked, a slight frown turning down the corners of his lips.  

“Estoy cansada. I just want to leave here, amor.” You said, closing your eyelids as they suddenly felt heavy as lead. It was the end of the first day, and you weren’t sure how you were going to survive it all, at this rate. You couldn’t even go back to Rafael’s apartment any time soon, due to the disaster that’d happened to Kazuma this morning. Rafael gave you a sympathetic pat on the back before standing. You followed suit. He bid ADA Jackson good night and promised to see him in the morning.  

As you left the room, Jackson called out to you to keep safe. You gave a halfhearted smile before walking out the door. In the hallway, the two of you met Nick, who was supposed to take you to your new safe house in an undisclosed location. With him were two unis, attempting in vain to hide their starstruck stares. If you hadn’t had such a terrible day, you might have attempted to be more cheerful and engaging, but right now all you could think about was curling up in bed next to Rafael.  

As soon as you walked out the courthouse doors, you were mobbed by the most insistent members of the paparazzi, who had refused to give up and gone home. They shouted at you and Rafael pulled you into him, protecting you from their hungry eyes. Nick walked before you, pushing through the crowd and the other officers flanked you.  

“Leave her alone,” Rafael called. “No comment.”  

After several minutes of pushing and shoving, you finally reached an unmarked police cruiser which had been waiting to pick you up, climbing inside in a hurry.  

The car ride felt like an eternity. The officers made small talk and an obnoxious pop song played on the cheap, stock radio of the cruiser. You slipped in and out of consciousness as you struggled to stay awake.

Rafael couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw you nod off for the third time. He pulled you closer, letting you relax into him. You gave out a content little sigh in your sleep. It would be a bit of a ride; the driver was purposely going a roundabout way to avoid being followed from the courthouse to the new temporary home.

“How’s she holding up?” Nick asked, motioning to your sleeping form.

“She’s...doing her best.” Rafael answered. “All of this has been really hard for her, but she’s putting on a brave face.”  

“About your neighbor... I don’t think he’s the one who put out the hit.” Nick said, frowning, changing the subject. “I just keep thinking about it, and why would he step in front of her today, if he wanted her dead in that boutique? He could’ve just kept walking and let the bullet hit her. And from the ballistics, if he hadn’t stepped out, it was definitely going to. Plus, I mean—what reason would he even have?”

“But his DNA, Nick. DNA doesn’t lie.” Rafael said with an exhausted sigh. He didn’t need one of Nick’s paranoid conspiracy theories right now. What he needed was to get you to wherever the two of you were calling home tonight, so the two of you could curl up in bed and go to sleep.  

“Yeah, sure, that proves he’s a gang boss, but it doesn’t prove he’s the one who put out that hit.” Nick pressed.  

“Just drop it, Nick.” Rafael said, lowering his voice and giving Nick a warning glare. “The last thing we need is to give Y/N another thing to worry about.” Nick’s mouth hung open as if he were about to add something, but suddenly, the car jerked to a stop, indicating their arrival. Nick closed his mouth and climbed out of the car, stepping over to hold the door open for you and Rafael. You were still sound asleep, so Rafael lifted you out of the car and shifted you to carry you on his back.  

It was a pretty unremarkable building, though Rafael supposed that was a desirable trait in a safe house. Once again, Nick and the other officers surrounded you and Rafael as you made your way up to the unit, with Nick leading the way. After several flights of stairs, you finally reached your floor, stopping in front of an unremarkable doorway. Nick pulled out the key and opened it, entering the unremarkable apartment, with Rafael following close after.

“I’ve got it from here.” Nick announced to the unis as Rafael meandered away, looking for the bedroom. When he found it, he sighed in relief. He laid you down gingerly onto the bed before tucking you in underneath fluffy comforter, taking extra care not to wake you. They hadn’t brought extra changes of clothes for the two of you, as going back to your apartment may have caused the officers to be followed by anyone wishing you harm. Therefore, Rafael simply stripped down to his underwear before sliding under the covers next to you.  

“Mm.” You made a small noise as you stirred in your sleep. You could feel a source of warmth on the other side of the bed and you drew closer to it. Rafael chuckled as you threw a leg over his side, snuggling into the heat he radiated. Closing his eyes, Rafael allowed himself to be put at ease by your quiet breathing. Your hand on his chest trapped in his heat and it felt especially warm. He used these sensations to drown out his fears. He needed all the sleep he could manage for tomorrow.  

Next Morning

You felt the warmth of Rafael’s body—your back pressed against his front, with his arm flung over you. You became more conscious of all your senses as you slowly awakened. You could smell the last remnants of his cologne from yesterday. It was the same scent he’d worn the first night you met. You smiled as you remembered the feeling of him twirling you about the dance floor. Dipping you low. Although it wasn’t that long ago, it seemed like such a simpler time. The calm before Francis’s storm.

Francis.

Your eyes flew open and you sat up abruptly, causing Rafael to wake.  

“What time is it? Amor, wake up. What time is it?” Rafael groaned, rolling to the other side of the bed to grab his cell phone.

“Relax, Cariño, it’s--11:00?!” His eyes widened as he read the time. “Dammit. We were supposed to be into be in court two hours ago.”

“So you’re finally awake.” Nick chuckled as he strolled into the room, Liv in tow.  

“It’s not funny, Nick!” You exclaimed angrily. “You were supposed to wake us! What are we going to do now?!” It was rare that you ever truly grew angry, but right now, you were furious.

“Whatever you want.” Nick said, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally. Rafael scoffed incredulously. His gaze darted back and forth between Nick and Liv as he attempted to figure out how the two of them could have let this happen. And why Nick seemed to find it so amusing. Liv’s face bore a more stoic expression.

“Y/N can’t exactly just play hooky in the middle of her trial. What is going on here, Liv?” Rafael demanded.  

“We got a call from Rikers early this morning... Francis Shaw was found dead in his cell. Hanging.”  

[cherylsvixen]

Three Months: Part 5

Pairing: ex-Reggie x Reader, Twin!Andrews, Sweet Pea x Reader (ooh) Word count: 1,197 Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy Description: This is the firth part to the series. Now that there’s no hiding her pregnancy, how will (Y/N)’s life change?   A/N: Sorry this has taken so long!! I was struggling a little with the storyline. I didn’t realise how hard it was to establish relationships with a time constraint haha. Oh and sorry this is so short, the parts to come are not!! & pls let me know what you think!

The Five Seasons // Part 1  // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

(Y/N) trudged home, hands shoved tightly in her coat pocket. She couldn’t believe how quickly things had gone wrong. Reggie had just ripped her heart out, and she was sure she had ripped her dad’s out. Maybe moving to live with her mum in Chicago was an option. At least then she would be invisible. It would be difficult to leave Archie though. (Y/N) was so focused on kicking a pebble along the pavement that she didn’t notice to the truck slowing down behind her. Fred Andrews didn’t know what to do when he left the house for the second time. He sat in his truck for a while, trying to think things over. His kids were always at Pop’s, so he decided that would be a good place to start. If she wasn’t there, it was likely someone had seen her at least. When he arrived, Pop knew exactly who he was looking for and told him he was five minutes too late. She had left alone, so he knew the road she would be taking. “(Y/N). Get in the car.” He shouted out of the truck window. (Y/N)’s head snapped back to the truck behind her, it had come to a stop. She figured she was in trouble, so she walked over and climbed in sombrely, avoiding her dad’s gaze. The second she pulled the door shut, he pulled her into a tight bear hug. “I’m so sorry.” He sighed into her hair. He knew. Tears tracked down his cheeks and dripped onto her hair. She let him hold her as she tried to keep it in. When he finally pulled away, tears sprang to (Y/N)’s own eyes at the sight of her father. He only smiled softly at her and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. “You’re such a brave girl.” “I wish.” She mumbled, looking down at her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She couldn’t deny she felt embarrassed and ashamed. She didn’t want her dad to have to think about it. He grabbed her face in both hands, forcing her to look at him. He had such determination in his features. “I am so proud of the person you have become. You’re a beautiful and bright young lady. If anyone could get through this, it would be you.” (Y/N) was blinking back the tears in her eyes at his kind words. “No matter what happens, what you chose to do. I’m going to be right here supporting you, and don’t you ever doubt for a second that I mean it.” Fred assured his daughter, placing a kiss on her forehead to emphasise his point. She giggled softly, nervously. He pulled her in for another hug and she wrapped her arms around him tightly. “I love you so much.” Fred mumbled into her hair. “I love you too, Dad.”

Going to school each morning had become increasingly difficult as (Y/N) reached her fourth month. It seemed like her bump had grown rapidly overnight. The coconut oil she was slathering on her belly each morning seemed to be doing nothing for her stretch marks. Luckily it was still concealable under baggy jumpers and frilly dresses, but t-shirts were getting tight. Other things had moved just as quickly too. Within a week of telling Fred and Archie about wanting to put the baby up for adoption, they had found a perfect family in the Southside. Kind, genuine people who thought (Y/N) was a blessing sent from above. While (Y/N) wasn’t particularly religious, she appreciated the sentiment. There was no doubt about the couple being perfect parents for the baby. On the other hand, school had been much less pleasant. Her larger friendship circle had dwindled rapidly. Archie tried to convince his sister it was because she couldn’t continue cheering with the River Vixens. Although they both knew that Cheryl’s obvious disapproval had something to do with it. Whatever she had been saying, it had become gospel and no one had wanted to be seen with the “pregnant girl”. Reggie also played a large part in her social downfall. He had started most of the rumours, horrified that people thought he was the father. So that left the inner circle. (Y/N) was more than thankful that her true friends hadn’t abandoned her. However, despite them fiercely defending her, school was still hell.   “Hey (Y/N).” She looked up from her book in annoyance. The smug jock sat on the other side of the student lounge with the other Bulldogs, including Reggie who avoided her gaze. “What do you want, Travis?” She sighed. He was new, and a total meathead. “So… I have this friend from New York… Nick Saint-Claire.” He left it there, trying to get a reaction from her. (Y/N) tried to hide the way her breath caught in her throat and instead pretended to be more invested in her book. “He says that you two hooked up at a party a few months ago. Apparently you were still dating Reggie at the time. That’s pretty shitty thing to do hey? I thought you were a good girl.” Travis had moved to sit on the edge of the table (Y/N) was at. His hand traced along the skin on her arm, taunting her. The touch made her feel sick. “Go away.” She spoke weakly, pulling away from him. “What are you going to do? Pregnant slut,” He spat.  

A dingy, damp alley was the last place (Y/N) ever expected to seek refuge. She was crouched against a wall, the scent of the nearby industrial bin wafting over with each gust of wind. With no idea of where she was going, her legs had continued to carry her until her lungs burned with the cold air. She tried to control her breathing and stop the shallow, painful sobs that felt like they were piercing her throat. Their words echoed in her head and she smacked her forehead, damp with rain and sweat. “Hey, you can’t be back here.” She looked up alarmed at the angry voice echoing around her. A Serpent stood at the end of the alleyway, squaring up to the ragged looking girl. He thought it was the crazy homeless lady that had been eating out of their bin and cursing them. He instantly recognised her face, but couldn’t remember where from. “Oh… are you okay?” He asked softer as he took in her distressed state. She stood quickly and wiped her snotty nose on her jacket messily. As she turned the other way, she was overcome by a dizzy spell and fell against the wall. Pregnancy was really starting to mess with her blood pressure. Her vision went black but she felt his warm hands on her arms as he supported her. “(Y/N/), you’re Jughead’s friend.” She only nodded, vision slowly returning to normal. “You look like you’ve had a hell of a day.” He noted, gently brushing a stray hair out of her face. “Yeah, you could say that.” She dropped her eyes to her feet, a little embarrassed and definitely intimidated. “Come on, let’s get you home,” he placed his warm leather jacket over her shoulders as he guided her out of the alleyway, beginning the long walk home.

[spine-buster]

Defensive II - Kenny Omega

By popular demand, a second part of my ‘Defensive’ series featuring Canadian icon and intergalactic treasure Kenny Omega.  Part I is here.

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- - - 

Right after Kenny’s original tweets happened, the Bucks had put in their two cents, like they always did, and the internet went crazy.  You weren’t prepared.

@KennyOmegamanX: And yes, I do have a girlfriend that works there. She's done more for creative that those two idiots have ever done. Especially the cowboy

@MattJackson13:  hahaha @KennyOmegamanX you are 100% right. Maybe now the cowboy will have to unblock you to retort. We all know how he likes to bully.

@NickJacksonYB:  And maybe the bleach blonde wannabe will finally get his head of out his ass & realize nobody EVER asks for his opinion for a reason.

@KennyOmegamanX: You mean the cowboy doesn’t run the company like he thinks he does? Why else would he tell my girl her job is just an insurance policy?

@NickJacksonYB: you know how it is. Too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth.  

@MattJackson13: and too much hair dye really does seep through your skull, kids.  Even one as thick as his.

Everyone went absolutely nuts at the tweets.  Nobody could tell what was real or not anymore.  Fans came up with theories.  ‘Maybe it’s just a harmless rib like the whole storyline in Being the Elite’ ; ‘They obviously all know each other and are friendly with each other.  This just gets people talking about both of them.  It’s win-win for everyone involved cause we’re talking about them.’ ; ‘This reads like they legit hate each other.  Whatever happened with Kenny’s girlfriend is obviously real, and now there’s bad blood.  It’s so obvious.’

Dolph had responded, of course, but in a very diplomatic and corporate way while still using his humour because, well, he was forced to.  You knew if he had free reign he’d be hitting back just as hard, but he had a company to answer to, and a code of conduct to follow on social media, and laying out the Young Bucks and Kenny Omega on Twitter wasn’t a part of that code.  His responses only made the Bucks taunt more.  JBL, for his part, stayed silent on the entire situation.  He had enough to worry about, you guessed, plus there was the whole Mauro Ranallo debacle thing still fresh in people’s minds.  If he said anything else, it might just incriminate him even more.  The back and forth between Dolph and the Bucks had been going on for weeks.  You lay low, not really seeing Dolph despite working on the same show as him, but you knew you were bound to run in to him eventually. 

That’s why you were on the phone with Nick now.  It was nice and all, standing up for you, but once was enough.  It didn’t need to last weeks.  

“You guys need to stop,” you hissed into the phone as you saw the latest tweet the Bucks had thrown the way of Dolph Ziggler.  

“Why?”

“Just…because.  Once was okay but now it’s like some sort of saga.  I appreciate it but you guys shouldn’t really be doing that.”

“Hey, come on!  It’s fun!” Nick pleaded, like it was his job to do what he was doing.  “If you’re Kenny’s girl, it means you’re our girl too.”

“Yeah!  You’re our girl too!” you heard Matt yell into the phone, making you realize you were probably on speakerphone.  

You scrunched up your face.  “You guys have wives.  And children.”

“Yeah…well…” Nick chuckled slightly.  “Until Kenny puts a ring on it you’re our girl too.  That’s it.”

You snorted.  “You guys are nuts.”

“We know.”

You sighed, knowing you weren’t getting anywhere with them.  “Okay, well, I’ve got to go.  I’ve got a creative meeting,” you said.  “You guys have a safe flight to Pittsburgh, okay?  Call me when you get there.”

“We will sweetcheeks.  Give ‘em hell,” Nick said before hanging up.

- - -

You covered your mouth with your hands, unable to look away from the screen despite the mess that was currently happening in the ring.  Your stomach was in knots; your whole body was starting to feel like it was on fire.  You couldn’t believe what you were seeing.

James Ellsworth climbing a ladder.  James Ellsworth grabbing the Women’s Money in the Bank briefcase.  James Ellsworth dropping it down to Carmella.  

“What the fuck was that?” you asked to no one in particular, although Sami was sitting right beside you, basically having the same reaction as you.  “What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck,” you kept muttering under you breath.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Sami look over at you.  “That wasn’t supposed to happen, was it?” he asked.

You could only shake your head, still trying to process everything.  “I mean, it was supposed to be Carmella all along, but not like this.”

“So maybe there will be hope that plans will chance last minute and I’ll win my Money in the Bank?” Sami tried to make light of the situation, but you weren’t having it.  You felt sick to your stomach.  

“Sami…” you began to shake your head, clutching at your stomach.  You felt like you were going to throw up.  Your body was even starting to shake – out of fear, out of disbelief, out of disgust.  All of your hard work to plan and prepare for this historic moment, where millions of little girls would be watching their heroes battle for the Money in the Bank suitcase – all that work was down the drain.  All that work resulted in a man grabbing the suitcase.  “They trashed the original plans.  They trashed my plans.  I don’t know who okayed this.  I don’t even know if the other girls know.”

“It’ll be okay,” Sami patted your shoulder, knowing how stressed you became when things like this happened, mostly because they happened so much.  “I’m sure the girls were told about it beforehand.”

You weren’t so sure.  And later that night, as you spoke to the women associated in the match, you learned the truth – they were told only fifteen minutes before show time.  You were heartbroken.  You made sure they knew that the Ellsworth ending wasn’t the original plan, and they believed you.  You were thankful at their faith in you, and you all understood each other’s disappointment at the moment being taken away from the women in the ring. That didn’t stop you from feeling sick for two days straight.  That didn’t stop you from feeling helpless, feeling powerless, feeling ineffective at your job.  That didn’t stop you from crying in Sami’s hotel room.  

That didn’t stop you from pulling Hunter into a room to talk a few hours before Smackdown Live and declaring, “I quit.”  

He tried not to show shock on his face but it was clear to you he wasn’t expecting this.  “You what?”

“I’m not making a difference here.  My work means nothing.  Nothing is getting across.  I can’t work in an environment like that anymore.  I just can’t.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, wait,” Hunter put his hands up.  “Let’s not make any rash decisions, okay?  Talk to me.  What’s going on?”

“Listen, I’m really grateful that you gave me a chance, that you listened to Sami and gave me a go, but I can’t do it anymore,” you began shaking your head.  

“Does this have anything to do with the incident that happened with JBL and Dolph?” he asked, his tone serious as he stared you down.

“No,” you shook your head vehemently.  “I’m over that.  I was over that two weeks after it happened.”

“Okay, listen.  I’m not letting you go.  I think you’re making an impulsive decision based on what happened Sunday night --”

“Hunter --”

“I’ll grant you a leave of absence.  How long do you want?  Three months?  Four months?  Six months?  But you’re not leaving.”

You were so angry you felt like you were going to cry.  “I don’t need a leave of absence --”

“You’re going to Japan at the end of the week anyway, right?  Take some time to think about your position and your career here, and when you get back, we’ll talk,” he said, side-stepping you so that he could leave the room, cutting your conversation short.

You really didn’t know whether to cry or scream at this point.  

- - -

Every time you went to Japan, you found something new to love about the country.  Whether you were staying in Tokyo with Kenny or travelling with him to other cities like Osaka or Hiroshima, you loved everything you saw; the clean streets, the polite people, the obsessed wrestling fans.  This trip was poised to be extra eye opening to you, and you knew it.  You had promised yourself you were going to try to leave your work stress behind, but you knew it was going to be nearly impossible.  Kenny was able to see right through you – just as he had in that hotel room when the JBL and Dolph situation was bothering you.  You wondered how long it would take for him to notice.  Better yet, you wondered how long it would take you to break and tell him.

Like always, Kenny had met you at the airport with a giant smile and a touchy hug that made you want to jump his bones immediately.  But living in Japan meant no car, which resulted in you having to wait until the taxi driver dropped you off at Kenny’s apartment before you could fuck each other senseless.  It had been almost two months since you had seen each other, so you definitely took your time to get reacquainted.  By the end of it your voice sounded like you had been screaming for days, and Kenny joked he needed an inhaler.  One more round of steamy shower sex later, and you were both out the door to grab lunch.

Not that he needed to keep up some machismo bravado around his buddies, but when Kenny was alone with you, without Sami or the Bucks or the rest of the Bullet Club around, he became more touchy-feely; hands on the small of your back, arms draped across your shoulders or waist, kisses on your forehead.  As you sometimes didn’t see him for months on end, you welcomed this and loved it more than anything.  You’d participate willingly too – your favourite thing was to run your hands along the waistband of his jeans, or sneak your hand underneath his shirt and hoop a finger through a belt loop.  There’d be a fire in his eyes he’d look at only you with, and you would fall in love with him all over again.

Without even asking he automatically knew what you wanted to do.  After lunch he took you to stores so you could stock up on gifts for your family and little cousins.  Then, he took you to Shinjuku Gardens, where the two of you lay underneath a tree and cuddled, kissing each other but regretfully stopping before it could become a full-blown public make-out session.  He got recognized along the way, especially after the gardens and during dinner.  Fans were polite and eager to meet him, apologizing to you, but you didn’t mind.  

Later in the night, after you had finished your evening stroll through the streets of Tokyo, the two of you retreated back to Kenny’s apartment.  By that point, you were really feeling the jetlag but were still able to go about your nightly routine.  When you were finished, he was already in bed, boxers on and top off – just how you liked him.  The way his eyes lit up at the sight of you in your simple silk camisole and short shorts made you think you were just how he liked you as well.

“I think I may just be the happiest man in Japan right now,” Kenny beamed as he sat up, back against the headboard as he watched you crawl into bed.  You smirked at him, throwing your leg over his torso and straddling him.  His hands automatically went to your thighs, squeezing and rubbing his hands all over them.  “I get you aaaaaall to myself.”

“Mmm, and I get you all to myself.  Fourteen whole nights,” you leaned forward to kiss him quickly, your nails scratching up and down his chest lightly.  

“I wish it could be for longer,” Kenny lamented.  “It always seems so short.  But I guess I should be thankful that you get the time off, however short it is.”

His words obviously struck a chord with you.  There was a very real possibility that you would have a lot more time to be with him, and soon to boot.  And he had no idea.  You obviously hadn’t mentioned anything to him – not the disaster of a pay-per-view, not your conversation with Hunter, not the option he gave you of taking a leave of absence.  “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course you can.”

“Please don’t get mad.”

You could see Kenny have flashbacks to the last conversation where you asked him not to get mad before you revealed something to him.  It took only a second for him to become very serious, and very angry.  “Did something happen at work again?  Did those fuckers say something to you again?” he demanded.

“No.  They didn’t say anything.  They uh…they couldn’t say anything because I quit.”

Kenny looked taken aback.  “You what?  You quit your job?”

You nodded your head.  “Uh, well kind of.  My last day was the day I flew out.”

“What do you mean kind of?”

You sighed.  “Well, I told Hunter that I quit, but he didn’t really like…accept it?  He told me not to make any rash decisions, that he would give me a leave of absence instead so I could rethink my position and career with the company,” you explained.  

“Oh, baby,” Kenny said, leaning forward and giving you another quick kiss.  “What made you want to quit?  Is it that bad?”

“It’s not that bad.  It’s just…” you began, trying to find the words.  It was that simple question that made you begin to cry.  You looked at the sky, trying to stop the tears, but it didn’t help.  “I couldn’t do it anymore, Kenny.  I wasn’t going anywhere.  Nobody was listening to me.  We had planned the Women’s Money in the Bank match and then they changed it fifteen minutes before we went live to that God-awful ending and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Hey hey, it’s okay, I get it,” he cooed, trying to calm you down.  He brought one of his hands up to your face and cupped your cheek.

“You should have seen me in that room with Hunter,” you began.  “God I wanted to cuss him out so bad, but I couldn’t do that to Sami.  I just can’t.  He’s already getting shit booking as is and everyone associates us with each other and I just couldn’t, I couldn’t…”

“Shhhhhh, it’s alright,” he tried to get you to calm down.  “There’s only so much you can do, only so much you can take.  If you want to quit, quit.”

You leaned into him so that you were flush against his body; your head nestled into the crook of his neck.  You inhaled his scent as he wrapped his arms around you protectively.  “Will you still love me if I’m a bum with no job?” you asked, trying desperately to make light of the situation.

You felt Kenny chuckle.  “Yes, I would still love you if you were a bum with no job,” he said.  “You’ve known the entire time we’ve been together you don’t need to work.”

Did you ever.  It was something Kenny constantly brought up because it was one of, if not the main reason you stayed in North America in the first place.  That you were able to hold down a job in the WWE, with creative, was a point of pride for you for a long time, no matter what anybody said.  It wasn’t necessarily a point of contention between you and Kenny – though he brought up the fact he had more than enough to support the both of you more often than not – but it was something he clearly thought about a lot.  The two of you had plans, plans that you had spoken about at length and came to an agreement to, and those plans did not include you quitting your job and everything being up in the air.  “It was never about that.  I wanted to make a difference somehow.  For people like Sami.  For people like you.  You know that.  And through all my time there, it just seems like I can’t, I just can’t.  It’s impossible.  Now I just feel so defeated.”

“Hey, listen to me,” he said, guiding your head up to look him in the eye.  “You’ll only feel defeated if you let yourself feel defeated.  I know you can kick ass over there because you already have.  You need to do whatever feels right for you, not what’s right for me, or for Sami, or anyone else.”

You smiled appreciatively, leaning forward to kiss him again.  “You’re the bees knees, you know that?” you mumbled against his lips.

He smiled before sliding down the bed with you still on top of him and reaching over to turn the lamp off.  “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

With his arms still around you, he turned both your bodies on their sides and threw the covers over you.  You snuggled close, burying your face in the crook of his neck again, drifting off to sleep.

- - -

The next morning, you woke up before Kenny.  You were still a bit jetlagged, so when you looked over to the clock to see that it was only 5:15am, you understood why Kenny wasn’t already up.  He looked so peaceful, his mouth slightly open and the softest of snores filling the air.  You figured quickly that you wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so you made an effort to slip out of bed as quietly as possible, as to not wake Kenny.  You knew he needed his sleep.  

You made your way over to the washroom, switching on the light and waiting patiently for your eyes to adjust to the light.  You did your business, rubbing at your eyes to get any gunk out of the before flushing the toilet and turning towards the mirror.

Your hair was a mess, and your skin looked particularly dead today, probably because you had spent thirteen hours on a flight to Tokyo just one day ago and because your eyes were still only half open.  In your half-awaken state, you turned on the tap and washed your face quickly, grabbing at a towel once you were finished.

As you patted your face dry, you noticed something on one of your hands.  On your left hand.  A ring.

You dropped the towel, inspecting your hand, making sure you weren’t hallucinating or still asleep or somehow a participant in an optical illusion.  

Nope.  There was totally a ring on your ring finger.  You felt your heart start beating uncontrollably and your stomach jump into your throat.  

“KENNNNNYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!”

[cutegirlmayra]

Helping a young writer out, care to take a peek? :)

So... let's see... First I would start with their normal routine, normal life, before anything were to disturb that- for example:

Amy rushed into the crowd, trying to push or scoot her way through before parting two fangirls and seeing Sonic at the top of a skyscraper, taking down a fiendish foe-!... oh wait, that's Eggman's contraption. She pouted, but relieved he wasn't in 'too' much danger...

So there's a start to how she worries, and then has full confidence in him.this sets up her initials feelings. giving us a place to start.

Her head darted up when someone cried out and noticed Sonic was pushed down by the robotic lizard, and scrapping his perfectly handsome face against the screen. She smacked both hands to the sides of her face, devastated by the turn of events. "Soooniccc!!" she cried out, rushing to try and get closer to him. Maybe even save him! "Get back please." a police officer threw an arm out and pushed her back with the rest of the crowd; though it didn't hurt her, she was upset by the rough-housing.

"H-hey!" She struggled to break free and finally did, ducking under his arm to break into the building. Police went in after her, "Get back here, little girl!" she huffed, folding her arms after already pushing the button up to the highest floor on the skyscraper. She 'hmph'd at the authority and turned her head snottily away as the doors closed. They lunged in after her, but the doors slammed in their faces. "Nothing's keeping me from my Sonic!" she bluntly huffed, and then put her hands to her hips, nodding sternly her fixed decision. She looked up to the roof of the elevator, stepping more into it's center and seeming worried now, gentler in her appearance as she clutched her hands together and up by her face. "Sonic..."

Now we're building conflict, something out of the norm that disturbs the natural flow. we also have our first obstacle, the policemen, which Amy narrowly skimmed by. We also introduce Amy's sass and determination in getting to Sonic. A character trait we happily show off to give her personality, pizzazz, and have the audience begin to like her. (Charm/lovability.)There should be 3 obstacles in almost every storyline. that's story 101, learned that in script writing xD

When the doors burst open, Amy took a second to worriedly look around, seeing the ceiling dust crumble down in debris she ducked her head and immediately dashed out. The elevator cracked and tilted, before falling straight down as she turned back and gawked a moment. She shook her head before hearing a robotic cry behind her and saw the Lizoid slash a metallic tongue through the long window, reaching in for her. "AHH!!" she kicked her legs as it grabbed her and hoisted her up. "Who-ho-ho-ho! What do we have here?" Eggman swerved his eggpod over and laughed his usual dynamic, before Sonic broke from his fighting stance, seeing Amy in danger. "Amy!" 

(now we have our first encounter. Obviously, this can be changed to fit any scenario) Again, this is all opinion and I'm no where need perfect, so take with you little odd and in things, and please, don't be overwhelmed. I'm here for you :)

  "Grr... Let me go! Let me go! Hey-! You didn't even give me time to bring out my hammer..! I'd have clobbered you by now! Ohhh!!" Amy whined and squirmed, as the Lizoid held her out as Eggman rambled on his usual way, "Well, well... seems the court is on my side now, Sonic!" He strutted himself almost as he angled himself to the right, and stroked his mustache on one side... "If you want your precious little girlfriend back.. I'd suggest handing over the Chaos Emerald! You wouldn't want anything to..." The lizoid adjusted it's clawed footing and held his tongue over the side of the skyscraper, making Sonic sweat-drop as he saw what Eggman was implying... "BeFALL her.. now.. would you?"

More complication, meaning obstacle two. Now it's important to have some banter between Sonic and Amy at this point. Because we need some reaction from Sonic, which you normally wouldn't get in reality, but in fanfiction, we try to make the bond a little more apparent then the cartoons or games do, which don't touch on the matter so 'specifically' as we do.

Sonic took some in before shaking his head and letting it out. "You just couldn't keep yourself grounded,.. could you, Amy?"

Sonic's wit is something that is sometimes looked at negatively, it's important to keep him charming/lovable to the audience as well. You need to make it clear that his ‘annoyance’ is not so much to Amy, but the situation. otherwise, people will believe Sonic's a jerk. To counteract this, you should consider showing Sonic through Amy's eyes. It helps manipulate the audience through her view, other than Sonic's which is often times less sensitive. This comes off badly to audiences who are looking for some 'tender moments' too. This where detail can really grab your readers too and send butterflies through them as well!

Amy stopped her excessive contesting to look towards the main and only reason she even dared scaled this fleet in the first place. "..Sonic!!" her legs spread out though her arms were caught in the robot's grip, as a feeling of safety, joy, and excitement grew in her! Like a wave, it crashed over her fears and even the stern look from his eyes as he stated, "I'm gonna get you out of there, Amy!" Made her whole heart swoon and her body tilt to the side. She didn't mind getting captured and used against her will... so long as he was always and forever going to be... her hero~<3 He saw her lean and thought her to be fainting, and quickly, to try and calm her, smiled to reassure it would be alright. To further this action of care, he lightly spoke out to her, "Don't worry, Amy. I won't take long. I promise." this tender reply sent another burst of excitement through her, like rapid bubbles that tickled her from within and made her feel lightheaded... although, that could be from the thinner air. Her squealing of joy made Eggman cover his ears, before swiping himself into Sonic's frame of sight, "HELLLOOO??? Looming death over here! How do you expect to keep that promise, eh? Lover boy!?" Sonic glared and frowned, ducking himself down, as if... "Oh no." Eggman's mustache drooped as he saw  Sonic about to- "He's going to bounce!!! AHH!!" He scurried his hands in front of himself and had his eggpod zip left and right, as worry flung from his face like sweat drops as he tried to avoid the inevitable spin attack!

So, i did a few things here. I not only showed Amy's pov to entertain and grip the audience into a type of 'emotion' but then I brought in Sonic's alternative viewpoint. This is essential in keeping in character, because it’s a character trait of these two to misinterpret the other at times.

Sonic curled up and reeled himself up to go! Charging the Lizoid's tongue! But as his quill-like blade began to rotate to slash, Eggman cried out, "MOVE, YOU IMBECILE!" And the Lizoid rose it's head up and moved it's tongue back. When all looked lost, Amy cried out, "Sonic!!!" Worried he was going to fall off completely! But, in the nick of time, Sonic homing attacked and brought himself back to the lizoid. "WHAT!?" Eggman gripped his head, amazed but not fully surprised since he knew Sonic's ability to lock-on to targets from far distances. "Drat! Drop the girl and let's get out of here!" he hit a button as the Lizoid was slashed and hit repeatedly, before tossing the girl off the building and whimpering up to Eggman's machine. "What are you crying about!? Get off my machine, you'll weigh us both down-OH NO!!!" he started to hear the engine overworking as his eggpod hovered downward, then tilted as a small explosion steamed at the bottom of it... "Oh dear... AHHH!!!" the two feel as the lizoid let out a metallic cry.

This ties loose ends. -shrugs-  This is where the squees and pillow gripping in glee come in. Also angst lol XD people like that these days. With obstacle two cleared, we’re on to three, the climax, where you really need to nail them hard! We've built the tension consisting in Amy, and the 'evidence of care' in Sonic, now it's time to wrap the two together in those emotions!

As Amy fell, tears escaped her eyes as her flight or fight response kicked in. "HEELLPPP!!" she cried out, holding her hands towards herself instead of out, and closing her eyes in terror. 'Is this really how I go?' she lightly squeezed her hands, feeling the air whisk by her so rapidly... drowning out most sounds... How long had she been falling? How much more left? 'But I... I wanted to see him... one last... time... I want to be with him! I don't want to die.. Sonic.. Sonic, please save me.' She suddenly heard something muffled through the wind and opened her eyes, tears spraying upwards in blobbed droplets before seeing Sonic coming speedily down above her. "Ah..!" it almost took her breath away. 'What if he dies too..? No!' "No,... Sonic! Sonic, save yourself!" she cried out, but he could barely hear her too. He sucked in his stomach, less resistance too as his cheeks flushed out and puffed, his hands and legs close together by his body. "I promised!" he cried out quickly, before reaching down to grab her around the waist, looping his arm and then holding her within his arms. "You alright?" he smiled, seeming calm before looking towards the ground. "Hmm.. hang on." he held out his chaos emerald. Amy's eyes went from fear to absolute delight at holding onto Sonic once more. She sobbed in joy now, gripping her arms around his neck and clinging to him from his front. "Oh, Sonic..!" "Chaos...!" right before the big splat-! "Control!"

Hold on to your hats! That's not the end of the feels!after the climax, you need the cool down, but your heart can keep racing as much as you want!

Amy felt the thud on her head... before realizing that Sonic's arms had wrapped protectively around it, and the thud she felt was simply the impact, not so much the full force. "Ow..." Sonic slowly got up, removing his hands around her, as she realized his head was right directly with hers. Breathless, she continued to marvel with shaken eyes at how he took the brute force of that impact, the rest of her was sore, but would be fine... "Sonic you.. you saved me. Just like you promised." He looked up from rubbing the back of his head, still holding himself a bit over her, and smiled. "Have I ever broken a promise to ya? Amy..." he looked sweetly to her, before looking under himself and realizing what this looked like. With a shy-guy's nerves 'of steel' he shook his head back and forth, analyzing the situation and zoomed off, offering her his hand. "That was a close call! What were you doing in the city, anyway?" She took his hand and got up, dusting herself a bit but feeling woozy. "I... heard about... you... woah!" she clutched her head but was about to go tumbling back down, before Sonic's killer reflexes caught her again, and held a hand over her stomach to keep her stable. He blinked with slight worry, but smiled to try and keep his composure from showing through. Looking over his shoulder slightly to her, he sweat-dropped and spoke again, "Maybe that wasn't such a bright idea, huh?" "Ah! Bright idea? Hmph!" Offended, Amy's head shot up and she puffed up her cheek, pushing his supporting arm away from her and trying not to stumble back at the force,... also trying to remember what 'balance' was again. "Sonic The Hedgehog, how dare you mock the bleeding heart of-!" she was about to fall backwards. "Amy, look out!"

... noticing the touching..?

Amy was caught once again, but the wind got knocked out of her and she gasped for air. "Amy..." Sonic helped her down and leaned her forward, slightly hesitating, but rubbing her back and squatting down as she fell to her knees. "Man.. if I'd had known you cared this much.. I would have just kept my mouth shut." His voice was tender, almost as if considering her feelings for a moment, as she coughed and sucked in, covering her mouth a moment in embarrassment at the spit she was forced to spray out from clogging her throat up. "You.. you don't have to shut your mouth..." she felt like crying again. She didn't want him to be still and silent around her... She was just taken aback by it all. "It's just been a while.. I don't remember the last time I'd been kidnapped before." "More like held hostage, but we'll go with that." Sonic joked, kidding as he lightly nudged her shoulder to get her to laugh too. She tried to restrain against it, but couldn't help seeing his snarky-looking face and giggle to his chuckle.

So, not only is obstacle three completed, but now we’re bonding and showing growth through communication. We’re seeing a different side of Sonic ‘outside’ the battlefield and a more ‘touchy’ side of Amy we already knew existed, but how Sonic throws her back into falling in love with him again. Remember, we’re trying to get the audience to love these two. It’s important to show pivotal moments of ‘friendship’ or ‘romance’ at times like these, or sprinkled through the story.

Sonic helped her up and she laughed as she leaned against him. "Alright, tinkle-toes. Let's try one foot in front of the other." He held her hands in his own. "Hey!" He looked up from her feet, at her exclamation and just snickered, "It's just a joke." he shook his nose in her direction and made her blush and giggle. A good way to throw her off from staying or being mad at him for too long. "Alright, and- hup, hup, hup-ho-wah!" he suddenly jumped back from her as she staggered and started doing a Russian-like dance with his feet, before doing a back-flip and kicking his legs out again from a squat. She laughed at his odd behavior but that was the point, he was relaxing her, and the laughing created a normal breathing pattern again in her systems.

A common misconception is that Sonic has no fun with Amy. This proves that wrong. And it's important for the bonding we were talking about earlier. Also, it makes us enjoy the moment with the characters more. Lovability increases ;) NEVER END A STORY WITHOUT KNOWING YOUR CHARACTERS ARE LOVABLE- ehem, moving on~

After getting back up and helping Amy once more with walking, he ended up losing patience and just scooping her up, in a silly fashion, away to her home. She insisted he spend more time with her, but he also encouraged her rest and that he had to hunt down Eggface before that lizard-robot gets repaired. "Do you have to go?" Amy's eyes lingered on her plea, her body leaned against her creaked open door as Sonic gave her a gentle reminder of his true duty. "Come on, Amy... don't give me that look. I'm a hero, remember? I'm just lucky you're safe." he winked, giving her a thumbs up and then shook his pointer finger out, leaning forward, "And didn't I hear you say something about dinner?" She suddenly grew excited again, and used the couch to stabilize her as she wobbled to the kitchen. "Be back in an hour!" she shouted out, as Sonic took the door handle, winked with a salute, and closed it. "See ya then,... Amy!" he darted out and took off towards wherever Eggman set up base. 'I better hurry and make this one quick.' he smirked, 'Otherwise,... Amy might just topple over while I'm gone!' it made him internally laugh... but even deeper down.. was there perhaps.. another reason?

I admit this is more ‘canon-writing’ but you should always leave off with a feeling or ‘questioning presence’ for your reader to think about. They remember ‘how they felt’ or the ‘emotion’ more than do the whole story, sometimes. ;) But most importantly-! Write for you! :D

When you get an idea-!

I hope you think of me~

lol if you ever need help, I’m always here for ya, cuties! XD

[vcg73]

5 and 1 fic - prompt by Runeburnz - 5 times Kurt put up with Blaine's shit, and 1 time he didn’t .

So, the other day I asked for some 5 and 1 prompts. I received a couple of responses, and I will try to do the Anonymous prompt later this week.

This one was hard because the canon series was basically Kurt putting up with Blaine’s shit time after time until it finally just wore him down to having no spirit left to deny whatever Blaine wanted. So, I went with the option of time-traveling back to ret-con Season 3, which is pretty much when Kurt’s storyline first started going to hell. I gave that downward spiral a logical breaking point and corrected a couple of annoying things at the same time. 

I even allow Blaine to not be a total dick, because at that point he still had the potential to be redeemable.

The First Time:

– Kurt knew he wasn’t ready for this. At least not the way Blaine wanted him to be. He had wanted romance, sweet words and caring gestures, a gentle understanding from his boyfriend that he was scared of not being good enough, and reassurance that he was loved enough to be good enough no matter what happened. He had at least wanted respect, to be allowed to have a say in the time and place of losing his virginity. Of losing their virginity together.

He couldn’t understand how Blaine could feel so differently about it. How he could have allowed himself to get drunk and try to force the moment in the back of a car, in the public parking lot of a bar of all places, when he had just spent the entire evening dancing with someone else. Someone who had made it very clear that he wouldn’t say no if asked.

Was it wrong that Kurt wanted the fairy tale? Did every other guy think that just taking it when the opportunity came along was the right thing to do? Was he stupid for thinking there ought to be more? Or was the idea that he – that both of them – mattered, just something that parents said to keep their kids from growing up for as long as possible?

Well, if that was how it was then he had no choice. If he didn’t get over his fears and move things forward, then he had proof standing by with a smirk and an ugly striped rugby shirt that Blaine would find someone who would. He had to make himself be ready. He would go to Blaine. He would pretend to be confident, suggest they go back to his boyfriend’s nearly always empty house, and he would do it. At least that way he could assure himself of privacy and exert some tiny measure of control. Enjoy some small illusion of romance and caring.

After all, that was what Blaine wanted. At least one of them would be happy and it was important to make the person you loved happy. Even if it left you feeling somewhat empty inside.

Growing up meant waking up, and even the most cherished of dreams had to be allowed to fade away.

Kurt was used to making sacrifices for the people he loved. What was one more?

 The Second Time

 – How could this have happened?  After everything they had gone through. After they had become a couple in every sense of the word. After Blaine had promised that he understood Kurt’s insecurities regarding his flirtatiousness with a clearly interested rival. 

Blaine had claimed that he had no interest in continuing a relationship with Sebastian Smythe. A false claim as it turned out. Not only had Blaine continued to be friends with Sebastian behind Kurt’s back, evidently enjoying a long string of email, text, and coffee dates without ever once mentioning any of it to his boyfriend, but he had actually shared New Directions’ set-list with him! He had betrayed the group, and betrayed Kurt’s trust.

 But somehow, Kurt was the bad guy. He had confronted Blaine, vented some of his justifiable anger, and Blaine had barely apologized before putting on that wounded expression that always made Kurt feel guilty. As if he was the one who had done something wrong, like kicking a puppy. Blaine had accused him of trying to control their relationship, of not being supportive of how much Blaine missed the guys at Dalton; saying how Kurt had “made” him transfer and wasn’t that good enough? Did he have to give up all his friends too?

 And somehow, Kurt had found himself caving in with barely an argument. He did not want to dictate who Blaine could be friends with, did he?  He wasn’t really jealous of how the guys at Dalton treated Blaine like a long lost brother, with their “once a Warbler, always a Warbler” credo, while Kurt – who had also been a Warbler for nearly 6 months – barely warranted a flicker of memory among the group, was he?  

 Well, maybe he did resent the latter one a bit. And Blaine had been one of them for nearly two years. But not Sebastian! He had made no secret of wanting more than just friendship from Blaine, and he had not even been at Dalton when they went there, so why did he fall under that blanket policy of Warbler brotherhood?  

 Blaine claimed he had been protecting Kurt’s feelings by keeping his ongoing relationship with Sebastian a secret. That he couldn’t be hurt by it if he didn’t know it was happening. He had done the only thing he could to keep them both happy. That was nothing to be angry about. And giving up the set-list had been an accident. Blaine had been betrayed more surely than Kurt had, and he was the one who deserved sympathy for his hurt feelings. It was Sebastian who was in the wrong, not Blaine!  Kurt should understand that. He should forgive that minor infraction.

 So he would do it, because he loved Blaine. He believed in him. And this time, Blaine had promised publicly to New Directions that he would not keep in contact any more. That was enough.

 Right?

 The Third Time –

 It was difficult to say whether Blaine had kept his word. Certainly, his relationship with Sebastian had cooled considerably if the other boy had decided to escalate his team’s rivalry with New Directions into an after-hours sing off in a parking garage. Whoever performed Michael Jackson better would win the right to perform his music at Regionals.

 It felt semi-ridiculous, but also just a little bit bad ass. The musical theater nature of it appealed to Kurt, excited him in a way that very little had lately. He had been feeling so down-hearted. It seemed like every time he spoke to Blaine, they ended up arguing about something. Blaine just kept bringing up the great sacrifice he had made in transferring, and the hardship of losing his friends at Dalton “for you”, as if Kurt had somehow put an invisible shackle on his leg that would sound an alarm if he dared speak to Nick, or Jeff, or even one of the graduated members like David and Wes.

 Kurt had done no such thing. He totally supported keeping up with old friends, just as he had done when he was the Warbler and his friends at McKinley had wanted to meet for coffee or shopping. But somehow Blaine did not see it that way. He acted like Kurt was being some massive hypocrite for not wanting him to sustain a friendship with a boy who not only threatened their personal relationship, but also used him to hurt their current team. It was not the same thing at all. It wasn’t!  

 But here they were, playing at “West Side Story” all over again, only with themselves as the Jets, and the Warblers as the Sharks. And Kurt somehow feeling like Blaine had cast himself in the role of Maria – caught between loyalty to his family and his one true love. Well, at least that meant he would finally get to be Tony!

 Except something went wrong. Sebastian had played dirty, which in retrospect is something Kurt was ashamed of himself for not expecting. Instead of a simple song and dance rivalry, the Warblers, including people Kurt had previously thought of as friends, like Trent, had come armed with Slushies. They had thrown them at New Directions, acting just like the hallway bullies at McKinley, attempting to humiliate them in a way that they could only have learned about from Blaine’s apparently continual over-shares to Sebastian. And Sebastian himself had armed his weapon with something nasty. Rock-salt, which combined with the stuff in the Slushie would react as a corrosive when thrown at someone.

 Given that it had been aimed at his chest, Kurt was certain the Slushie was intended to damage his clothes. The wardrobe that he loved so dearly and that Sebastian held in such utter contempt. It would have done his skin no favors either had it connected. But Kurt had had plenty of experience with people throwing gross substances at him and he had reacted instinctively to turn away and cover his face. The stuff should have just hit the side of his leather jacket and dripped harmlessly away. Only Blaine, perhaps feeling guiltier than he had previously admitted to, had unexpectedly decided to play superhero. He had ducked sideways, putting his face right into the path of the stream.  

 Kurt had never really considered until that moment that Blaine had somehow managed to never once be Slushied since transferring to McKinley, as if he was immune to the bullying that every other member of the team – Kurt in particular – received. As a result, he apparently had no idea that he should close his eyes when something was tossed in his face, and he had suffered damage to his eyes.

 Blaine was out of school for several weeks, recovering from his injury. Kurt felt horrible about it. Why had he not taught his boyfriend the standard duck-and-cover procedure for Slushie attacks? Why had he not followed his gut about Sebastian and argued harder against going against the Warblers, and just created an alternative set-list to present to New Directions?  Why did an internet search of scratched corneas, which suggested that they should be treated with eye drops and a few days in a protective eye-patch, but otherwise allowed one to live a normal life, make him feel so suspicious of Blaine’s claims of surgery and necessary weeks in bed being waited on hand and food? And why did having those suspicions make him feel like such a bad person?

 For surely Blaine would not lie to him. Not again. No, clearly this was somehow Kurt’s own fault. He would just have to live with that and do the best he could to assure Blaine that he was loved, and that his brave sacrifice had not been in vain.

 The Fourth Time

 – Another Valentine’s Day and another disappointment.

 For so long, Kurt had dreamed of having a perfect, romantic Valentine’s with the boy he loved. Long before he had a face to put with that fantasy, he had cherished the notion of sweet cards, cheap but lovingly presented chocolate candies, holding hands and ‘I love you’ exchanges, serenades and sweet kisses under the stars. (Or in a nice restaurant, February in Ohio being what it was.)

 Instead he had spent two years pining after a boy who had treated him as if he was just shy of a full on case of ‘cooties’, and another year hoping for a declaration of returned affection from his crush at Dalton – who had then enlisted Kurt to help him woo another boy entirely. Then this year, the first time ever that he had an actual boyfriend, somehow who had told him that he loved him, had kissed him, and with whom he was even having a physical relationship, Blaine was out with an injury. As if he was on some weird sports team that did not allow shows of affection while their players were on the bench.

There had been no requests for a visit all week. No cute little e-cards in his Inbox, though he had sent several of them. No gifts in the mail, even though Kurt had spent an entire week’s allowance on flowers to be delivered to Blaine’s house with a message of love and a cute little stuffed bear with a satin heart on its chest.

 Nothing at all, until the secret admirer gifts had begun showing up at school. Cards, balloons, stuffed animals. All of the things he had hoped for, and Kurt had been so touched that Blaine would do something so romantic. He usually hated public displays of affection, so for Blaine to abandon his comfort zone and make such a gesture for Kurt, just because he knew how much Kurt loved romance . . . that was something special indeed. And then Kurt was invited to dinner for two on Valentine’s night, the very same day that Blaine said his doctor might clear him for return to regular activity.  

 Kurt had sent thank-you notes to Blaine every time one of his ‘secret’ gifts came, and he had great plans for how to thank him in person when they met for dinner.

 Only it was not Blaine who showed up. It was an entirely unwelcome surprise to find that his former bully/tentative friend Dave Karofsky had done it all. Because Dave had unexpectedly developed a crush on him, and had assumed from Blaine’s long absence and lack of PDA that they were no longer together and the field was clear.

 It had made Kurt feel sick and sad. Blaine had apparently done nothing for him at all, but had allowed him to float through the week on a Cloud 9 of someone else’s making without even trying to set the record straight when he was thanked for someone else’s thoughtfulness. Dave had just declared his misplaced love, and Kurt was forced to let him down as gently as he could, trying not to feel hurt by the pain he was obviously causing someone who had gone out of his way to try and make him happy. And Kurt was to spend yet another Valentine’s day alone and disappointed.

 Then, Blaine showed up. He came to the restaurant just in time to take over the stage at Sugar’s party, to make a public gesture of being back. He had sung 2/3rds of a song, not a particularly romantic one but still about love, to the room in general before approaching Kurt and gesturing for him to join in. He had been so happy to see Blaine, smiling and fully recovered, and to salvage what was left of Valentine’s Day by spending it together, that he had put his other concerns aside.

 Until that night, when the crowd had gone home and they were walking to Kurt’s SUV. Blaine had thanked him for all of the cards and gifts, and then given him . . . nothing. Not a chocolate, not a flower, not even a lousy card. Apparently his mere presence was supposed to be enough. And Kurt tried to pretend to himself that it really was, even though his heart was breaking a little more. Blaine suggested that they go back to his house and ‘make up for lost time’, grinning like they were sharing some naughty secret because his parents still did not know what was going on. Kurt made the excuse of being tired after helping to set up for Sugar’s party, telling Blaine that he did not want him to tax his strength on the first day of his recovery.

 Blaine pouted, then he asked Kurt about the heart-shaped box of butterscotch candies in his hand, smiling expectantly and hinting that he thought Kurt had bought it for him. Kurt had taken the box because he did not know what to do with it after Dave ran out. It was still sealed, but he could not bring himself to offer it to Blaine under the circumstances. He sadly explained what the secret admirer gifts had really been about, expecting some measure of sympathy and maybe an explanation of why Blaine had not corrected his previous assumption about their origin. Instead, Blaine had adopted that horrible injured manner and all but accused Kurt of fooling around on him when he was injured.

 They had a fight, right there in the middle of the Breadstix parking lot on Valentine’s Day. A fight that somehow ended once again in Kurt apologizing for something he had not done while Blaine self-righteously allowed him to make it up to him by going home to have sex.

 The candy had been dropped somewhere during their argument. When Kurt found the box the next day, squashed and broken by some uncaring person’s tire, he could not help feeling that he and the lost gift had something in common.

 The Fifth Time

  – Cooper Anderson was even more gorgeous in person than he had been on TV. A phenomenon that Kurt had not known was actually possible. And he was, to Kurt’s utter shock, Blaine’s older brother. Kurt had a celebrity in his own family! (Well, practically.)

 But for some reason, Blaine did not like Cooper. To Kurt and everyone else, the man was charming, accomplished, funny, and altogether amazing. Okay, so perhaps he was a little on the stupid and self-absorbed side, but hey, not even the FreeCreditScore.com guy could be entirely perfect. The flaws just made him human, and even more attractive.

 It did not take long to realize that Blaine was jealous of his brother, and that Cooper had no idea how to relate to a kid brother who was a full ten years his junior, and probably had never been able to do so. They had stopped even trying to communicate years ago.  

 Kurt had done his best to be sympathetic, understanding, and to love him enough to make up for the love Blaine wanted and did not feel he was getting from his brother. But the Andersons’ issues were too complicated to really understand. After all, Kurt had only had the experience of a brother for a single year, and his was the same age. Plus Blaine seemed to resent him for even trying to relate, and even more for his none too subtle crush on the actor.

 It was not quite fair, given that Blaine had never once told him who the infomercial guy really was until the day he showed up at their school, and Kurt had done his best to stifle his admiration once he realized how much it bothered his boyfriend.

 But Kurt did not like it when people pushed him into revealing his deeper feelings before he was ready, so he tried not to feel hurt when Blaine rejected his offers to talk, or angry when he refused to even try to distract himself from his brooding by spending time together. Blaine retreated to sulk, not even willingly going along with the other Glee kids for ditch-day. As a non-senior he certainly wasn’t obligated, but Artie and Tina both went along more than willingly so it saddened Kurt that Blaine was the only no-show.

 He won Blaine a stuffed toy at the amusement park, and used it to playfully coax him into finally sharing some of his feelings about Cooper. It was more than obvious that neither Anderson brother was going to go out of their way to heal the rift between them, so Kurt decided to take matters into his own hands and he tricked them into meeting each other in the auditorium. He did not stay to watch. Kurt heard the opening strains of a duet and felt that his work there was done.

 The song in question made him raise his eyebrow a little, but hey, Blaine was nothing if not the master of finding inappropriate songs for every occasion!

 Afterward, he cornered Blaine to talk again. It seemed his plot had succeeded and the brothers were in a somewhat better place. Blaine seemed lighter, and though Kurt felt like he had run an emotional marathon in bringing it about, the improved mood made it all worthwhile. And if Blaine had been ignoring him an awful lot lately? Well, he would surely make up for it.

 That was just what you did for someone you loved.

 The Last Time

 – Blaine had been ignoring him for weeks. Again. When they did talk, they seemed to be arguing again. Usually about nothing, because Blaine was clearly angry and resentful about something, but Kurt did not know what it was. Blaine refused to tell him whatever was really stuck in his craw.  

 Date night was a thing of the past, and even their secret rendezvous had been sidelined. Blaine had been scheduling their make-out sessions on the excuse that they needed to be out of his house before the parents came home, and yet he refused to do it anywhere else. Kurt’s house made him feel uncomfortable, because Burt was something of a friend, or Finn might walk in on them. School was out of the question, given his aversion to PDA. Kurt did not share Blaine’s odd affinity for making out in cars, but gave in to it a couple of times just to cool his increasing desperation for some kind of affectionate attention.

 Unfortunately, the distance did not stop there. Blaine would not even discuss Kurt’s upcoming audition and potential enrollment into NYADA. He refused to go with him to pick out music, because it might lead to that same discussion. Basically, unless the conversation was focused on Blaine, and Blaine alone, he was no longer interested in having it.

 And Kurt was getting awfully tired of being nothing but a sounding board. Of being scheduled and sidelined right out of his own relationship.

 So when he went alone to buy some new sheet music, and met a boy who seemed so delighted to meet him, so openly admiring and excited for his college prospects, so amusingly complimentary and friendly, well . . . it was hard not to respond to that. Kurt had given Chandler his phone number. He had enjoyed the text messages, and felt a bit better about himself than he had done in months.

 He had showed the texts to Rachel, who instantly accused him of cheating on Blaine. That had taken some of the joy out of receiving them, though Kurt had thought her assumption ridiculous. Chandler knew he had a boyfriend, he had told him so on the very first day. This flirting was just teasing, funny things to make him smile. What was so wrong with that?

 But he did not tell Blaine. He mentioned that he had met a fellow New York bound high school senior at ‘Between the Sheets’, hoping Blaine would ask for more and open up a discussion, but the conversation was shut down so fast Kurt practically heard a slamming door. So he remained quiet. Just to be sure that Rachel had been wrong, he showed the texts to Sam Evans. They had become friends over time, if casual ones. One could only take so many sports metaphors, video game references, and movie impersonations, after all, but Sam was a good guy and he seemed interested so Kurt showed him. He had found the messages hilarious, just like Kurt did, and agreed that Chandler seemed like a nice ‘dude’.

 But Blaine, though sitting across the room sulking at the sight of Kurt laughing with Sam, never asked what they were looking at. Instead he came over to Kurt’s house after school, waiting until he was out of the room to start going through his phone. He had read all the funny, flirty text messages and immediately got mad and accused Kurt of going behind his back with the other boy. Kurt had gotten angry in turn, finally pouring out some of his frustration with the way Blaine had been ignoring him. He had denied any wrong-doing with Chandler, pointing out that he had done no worse than Blaine had done with Sebastian, but Blaine did not see it that way. It was one set of standards for him, and another for Kurt.

 As for going through his phone without permission, Blaine seemed to believe he had the right to do so, even though he would not even allow Kurt to borrow his laptop to look something up without releasing the password-protection and bringing up the search-engine personally, looking over his shoulder the entire time to be sure he did not go anywhere else. That behavior had made Kurt feel a bit paranoid about what Blaine was hiding, but he had always suppressed it, telling himself that Blaine was just interested in seeing the search results for himself.

 All the months of double standards and being ignored until it was convenient for Blaine to pay attention to him finally reached a boiling point the next day. Kurt had sent Blaine home after their argument, not apologizing first for a change, only to have a change of heart during the night as he imagined how he might have reacted to discovering that Blaine was (again) sharing flirtations with another boy without his knowledge. He had made up his mind to apologize in public by way of a song for the glee club’s Whitney Houston tribute week. Kurt had poured his heart into that song, looking at Blaine and willing him to get the message.

 The only message he apparently received was that Kurt had not groveled enough. Blaine countered with accusations of cheating, appealing to the other kids to get them on his side against Kurt. Kurt had seen the nods, the resentful looks being shot his way from people who had been cheated on in the past (and had done quite a bit of it themselves) and just assumed they knew what was going on, and finally he just had enough.

 “No,” he said firmly, standing and raising his voice to project through the room without actually yelling, and interrupting Blaine mid revenge-song. Blaine stopped singing and looked angry. Everyone else was brought up short, as if his objection had awakened them from whatever dark memories they had been caught in. “Blaine, I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but you know as well as I do that I have never cheated on you. Chandler is just a boy I met at a music store, who has a little too much texting time on his hands. I’m not attracted to him, and even if I was, I would never betray our relationship by fooling around with him.”

 “You say that now, but how do I know?” Blaine asked, flashing the room rather than Kurt with his patented wounded-puppy look.

 Kurt was not having it. “You know, or should know, because you know me. I waited a long time for what we have together, and it means too much to me to just throw it away on the first guy who tosses me a compliment. I love you, and that means everything to me.” He turned his head, addressing their friends, who were once again nodding, but this time in agreement with his own statement. “And the rest of you might just remember the last time you did this to me, when Sam was in trouble and I was helping him out.”

 Sam sat up straight, sudden resolve in his face as he shook off whatever doubts had been niggling at his brain. “He’s right, guys. He did nothing wrong then, and I know he’s still cool now. He showed me those texts and they were just lame pick-up lines. Kurt wasn’t even responding to them.”

 “You didn’t show me the texts,” Blaine blurted, clearly not liking that attention was drifting away from him. “You were carrying on with your new friend without even telling me.”

 “You mean like you carried on with Sebastian behind Kurt’s back?” Mercedes said coolly, giving him a narrow eyed stare. “Behind all of our backs?”

 Finn suddenly seemed to get her drift. “Hey, that’s right! And Kurt hasn’t been meeting up with anyone. He told us about meeting him at dinner that night, but Charlie lives in Westerville.”

 “Chandler,” Kurt corrected.

 “Right,” Finn said, then his brow scrunched as he looked at Kurt, “Dude, do you think he’s trying to steal our new set-list?”

 Kurt shook his head. “We don’t have a set-list yet, Finn. I think he was interested in me, but he didn’t push when I told him I had a boyfriend.”

 “He should be interested,” Brittany chimed in, giving him a once-over that made Kurt feel both flattered and slightly uncomfortable. Brittany never made a secret of it that she found many of her teammates physically attractive. “Unless he’s blind. Do even blind kids know you’re hot? I wonder if he sends his texts in Braille.”

 “Anyway,” Kurt said loudly, turning his attention back to Blaine, “the point is that I haven’t been doing anything wrong, and you have no right to try and use our friends against me. I admit that I probably should have showed you the messages when I first started receiving them, but I never saw Chandler as anything but a potential friend who is also interested in going to college in New York. Something that’s very important to me, but which you have been completely unwilling to talk about for weeks.”

 Blaine crossed his arms over his chest. “I know it’s important to you. It’s all you talk about! New York this, and NYADA that. Do you even care that I won’t be going with you? It’s almost like you’re happy to be leaving me behind!”

 The picture finally came together for Kurt. All the little passive aggressive behaviors of the last several months coalesced into a clear picture. “Is that what this has been about? I’m going away to college, and you resent me for being excited about it? Blaine! I’m graduating high school in a few months. I have to think about these things! That doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or don’t want you in my future. It means that we’ll have to learn to make a long-distance relationship work, like thousands of other couples do every year. It doesn’t mean that we should throw away the time we have left.”

 Blaine abruptly plunked down in a seat, arms still stubbornly crossed. “But you’ll be in a new place, with new guys. Hot guys who won’t even know I exist. How do I know you won’t cheat on me again?”

 “Oh for . . . I did not cheat on you this time!” Kurt said, voice rising. “Or any other time, and I wouldn’t do that. I hate that people do that to the people they claim to love!”

 The other members of New Directions all suddenly found somewhere else to look. Mr. Schuester seemed to remember that practice was still in session as he gave a halfhearted try at regaining attention. “Now guys, I don’t think this is really the time or place.”

 “It is, Mister Shue,” Rachel said, in that oddly authoritative way of hers that somehow always made the teacher back down. “If we don’t resolve our conflicts, they’ll just fester and drain our attention away from the important things like preparing for auditions and Nationals. These texts messages were a cry for help. A ticking time bomb. A guillotine blade waiting to fall!”

 Interrupting before Rachel could go full Joan of Arc on them, Artie cocked his head like a curious puppy. “By the way Blaine, why did you think he’d been text-cheating if Kurt didn’t show them to you?”

 “He went through my phone when I left the room,” Kurt said absently, his attention still focused on his pouting boyfriend. The sudden chorus of gasps and disbelieving noises made him look up. “What?”

 “You went through his phone?” Puck said, giving Blaine an incredulous look. “Dude, that’s not cool.”

 Quinn gave him a frosty look. “You would know.”

 “And why do you think that some vaguely possible and entirely hypothetical suitor swooping in to steal Kurt away from you give you the right to sabotage his need to find the best possible song to audition for NYADA?” Rachel piped up, glaring at Blaine and copying his cross armed gesture. “Kurt is loyal to his friends, and he’s forgiving of mistakes. Believing me, I should know! But this is his career we’re talking about. His entire future on Broadway could depend on this moment! You should be by his side, holding his hand and picking out songs, giving him point by point critiques on how to improve his performance ahead of the demanding task of performing for a difficult audition. What kind of boyfriend are you?”

 “That’s a good question,” Finn chimed in again. “Because I haven’t exactly seen you beating down our door to spend time with Kurt lately. In fact, ever since you guys started sleeping together, you’ve been using that as a power play to get him to do whatever you want.”

 Kurt smacked his brother on the arm, hissing, “Finn!”

 Santana blew a raspberry. “Oh, please. It’s not like everyone didn’t figure it out when you finally unlocked the chastity belt. The second night of the musical, wasn’t it?  You showed up the next day staring off into space with a stupid bittersweet smile on your face. I could practically hear the theme song from ‘Ice Castles’ playing every time you walked by. And short-stack was walking funny for the entire third performance. Congrats on that, by the way. I lost five bucks to Brittany. She was sure you’d be a top and I thought no way.”

 “Oh, my god, shut up!” Kurt begged, feeling his face heat up.

 “You have to admit that sex did improve his stage performance, though,” Artie added smugly. “Just like I told him it would.”

 Momentarily side-tracked from his conversation, Kurt looked at his classmate. “Excuse me?”

 Blaine looked away but Rachel jumped right in. “Oh, you know. When Artie told me and Blaine that being virgins would make it impossible to understand the passion that Maria and Tony felt for one another. It was terrible advice. After all, I wouldn’t have committed a murder if I was going to play Roxy Hart! I felt so silly for listening to him and trying to seduce Finn just for the sake of a play. Didn’t you Blaine? I’m sure Kurt was just as forgiving when you told him, though, since you guys were even closer after the show.”

 Kurt’s mouth had fallen open halfway through Rachel’s speech and as he stared accusingly at Blaine, the other boy suddenly looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. He avoided Kurt’s eyes and instead shot Rachel and Artie a pair of accusing looks. Kurt felt like his heart was breaking all over again, but this time there was a healing overlay of ice fusing quickly through the cracks. In a dangerously quiet voice, he said, “That night at Scandals. That’s why you suddenly went from ‘let’s both be comfortable’ to trying to force me to have sex for the first time in the back of your car. It wasn’t about me at all, or even about you having some sudden burning attraction for me. You did it because you wanted to be a better actor.”

 As the meaning of his words sank ain, the glee club turned shocked eyes upon Blaine, and Artie looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. “Not cool,” he muttered. It had clearly never occurred to him that for Blaine to lose his virginity, Kurt would have had to do so as well, ready or not. “Kurt, I am so sorry.”

 “I’ll deal with you later,” he said flatly, not quite ready to speak with a guilt-ridden Artie just yet. He continued to stare at Blaine. “Well?”

 “Hey, it all worked out!” he said, a note of begging in his voice. “We didn’t do anything until you suggested it. I didn’t choose the time and place, you did!”

 It was all Kurt could do to hold his composure. Tears were prickling at his eyes as he said, “Only because you made me feel guilty for ruining your moment. Only because you had spent the entire previous night dancing with Sebastian while ignoring me, and I was afraid if I didn’t give you what you wanted, he would.”

 “That is a valid point,” Santana said, exchanging nods with Puck.

 “But we worked it out!” Blaine said in a whining tone. “It doesn’t matter why you finally got over being afraid of it. You did, and it was good, and we’ve been great ever since.”

 He swallowed hard. “We haven’t been so great lately.”

 “Well whose fault is that?” he tried again.

 “Pretty sure that’d be yours, dude,” Sam suggested. “He’s been trying to talk to you for ages and you keep cold-shouldering him.”

 Quinn nodded. “I don’t get involved, but I’ve seen it too. Kurt has been pretty persistent about making you happy since you transferred here, but every time he needs your support you’ve suddenly got better things to do.”

 “I transferred here to be with him!”

 “Seems to me, you transferred here because it gave you a better shot at being top dog,” Puck observed. “You bogarted the musical, you flaked off on helping him campaign for the school election, you started fights with Sam and Finn to score more solos in here, you eye fucked another guy until Kurt gave it up to you, then you treated him like last week’s meatloaf every time you got your panties in a twist over nothing. Seriously, Hummel, there ain’t a lot of ass to be had around here for you gay dudes, but you could do better.”

 Much to his own surprise, Kurt found himself agreeing. He had loved Blaine devotedly and faithfully, ever since the day they first met on that staircase at Dalton Academy, long before he had any return on the sentiment, but the relationship had not made him happy in a long time. “It hasn’t made you happy either, has it?” he asked quietly.

 Blaine looked a little confused. “What?”

 “Us. You and me. It doesn’t make you happy,” Kurt clarified. “I love you, but I’m not happy either. This is a test. How we behave together when the prospect of a bigger hurdle comes between us. And we’re failing it, big time.”

 “Are you saying you don’t want to be together anymore?” Blaine demanded, his tone halfway between resentment and panic. “Kurt, don’t be stupid. Without me, what do you have?”

 Kurt looked around the room. “Friends . . . maybe?”

 More people nodded their agreement than he had honestly expected. It seemed that the revelations of the last few minutes had pulled a few people back from the weird ‘bro-ship’ that had formed between Blaine and seemingly every one of Kurt’s friends since he came to McKinley.

 “I think maybe it’s time we both faced the truth,” he said sadly. “I don’t want to be nothing but a convenience boyfriend. I want to go away next year and know that the people I leave behind will honestly wish me the best. I want to be able to know that you’re okay and that you’re moving toward your own future, and with someone who will make you truly happy. We were good together, for a while, but I think maybe our time has passed.”

 “No,” Blaine said, in a quietly choked voice. “I didn’t want this.”

 Kurt sat down in the chair next to his and took his hand. “Are you sure? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you truly want us to be together? Because if I’m honest with myself, I can’t say the same. I never cheated on you, Blaine, and I never would. But I think we’re moving in different directions and we may have gone as far as we could.”

 Blaine shook his head, blinking rapidly against brimming tears. “I never meant to make you unhappy, Kurt. I never meant to lie to you, or to accuse you of awful things. I was just so scared of losing you.”

 “Of being alone,” Kurt corrected gently. It occurred to him, perhaps for the first time consciously, that Blaine had never really been alone before. He had had a brother, however fraught with difficulty their relationship was, then he had the crowd at Dalton who had adopted him quickly as one of their own. And then he had had Kurt, who had given him all the love and devotion he could possibly want. He had never really had to face anything on his own. Maybe that was why he had been so intent on sabotaging Kurt’s chances at bulking up his college applications. If Kurt failed to get into NYADA, then he might stay in Lima and continue to hold Blaine’s hand through every difficult moment. “Maybe it’s time for both of us find our own way.”

  Blaine finally looked Kurt in the face, his dark eyes wet with tears that were matched in Kurt’s. For the first time in a very long time, Kurt could see the boy he had first met and loved at Dalton. The other boy must have seen it too, for he smiled a bit tremulously. “Remember when you thought Pavarotti was gonna die because he was molting?”

 Kurt laughed a little, sniffling and dashing a hand across his nose. “Yeah. Turned out he was just getting ready to spread his wings and fly.”

 “I always said he was your voice.”

 “And after he did die, I lost that voice for a while,” Kurt agreed, “but I think it’s time that I found it again. Okay?”

 He nodded. Taking a shuddering breath, he said, “I’m sorry for all of that stuff, and . . . and if you still want to be friends then I’ll help you find a great song this weekend.”

 Grateful that Blaine was not about to flee the room in dramatic despair, or try to dump the entire glee club to vent his feelings, Kurt agreed, “I’d really like that.”

 “And maybe we can fill out some other college applications for you. Not that you won’t ace your audition, because I know you will, but just to be safe. I hear NYADA is a really competitive school, and I don’t want anything to keep you from following your heart to New York.”

 Recognizing a genuine olive branch in the offer, Kurt squeezed his hand. “That’s a good idea. I told Finn he should apply to a variety of schools. It’d be pretty arrogant of me to assume I don’t need to do the same.” He took a deep breath, fully aware that every person in the room was staring at them with a combination of sad and doting expressions and that Blaine had never really liked public displays of affection, then said, “And don’t ever believe that part of my heart isn’t being torn out and left behind in Lima.”

 He leaned close and kissed Blaine. A soft, heartfelt kiss of goodbye. Blaine hesitated a moment, then kissed him back and Kurt could feel the finality in that gesture.

 As they parted, the bell rang. With one final squeeze of Blaine’s hand, Kurt stood and gathered his possessions. He walked from the choir room with head held high. His heart was a little bit broken, a little bit sore, and it probably would be for some time to come, but as Mercedes suddenly stepped up to him and linked their elbows, something she had not done in a long time, and Finn and Rachel both stepped up to flank them on either side as if showing the world where their loyalties lay, Kurt suddenly felt lighter than he had in a very long time.

 It was time to spread his wings and see where the winds of fate would lead him.

 Kurt Hummel was ready to fly free.

 THE END

[wbwest]

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West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 6/16/17

  Hot on the heels of the poster reveal last Friday, we got a teaser trailer for Black Panther during the NBA Finals. And it did very little for me. Yeah, I know. Every other Black person I know is, as they say, “hype” for this movie, but I just have never cared about Black Panther as a character. And I know comic book movies require suspension of disbelief, but Michael B. Jordan plays a villain named KILLMONGER! That’s probably the comic bookiest name I’ve ever been forced to take seriously. It certainly looks colorful, and it’s gonna make all the monies, but I’m gonna need to see more before I get too excited.

Let’s talk about Black Panther for a minute, though, as I think people are conflating his comic book success with his appearances in all other media. At the moment, there are currently 3 Black Panther comics on the stands: 1) Black Panther, 2) World of Wakanda, and 3) Black Panther & The Crew. Also at this moment, the latter two have already been canceled. I’ve seen people online saying that Marvel should rethink their stance, considering all the views the trailer has racked up in its week online (22.6 million as I write this). I get what they’re trying to say, but it’s a faulty argument. Their assumption is that people are clamoring for all the Black Panther they can get, when it’s really just this one movie to which they’re looking forward.

When the Black Panther comic was relaunched last year, written by author Ta-Nehisi Coates, the first issue sold over 250,000 copies, which was a rare feat for 2016. Now, however, the book sells about 1/9 of that amount, and is still decreasing. Ya see, Coates was hot shit because of an article on reparations that he wrote for The Atlantic. Why someone thought that would translate into a successful stint writing comics is beyond me. Marvel struck while the iron was hot, though, and they were able to ride the Coates wave, but anyone who’s actually read the comic knows that he’s more about political drama than superhero action. People came to the table to see what he’d offer, but over time they’ve realized they’re not picking up what he’s putting down. Still, Marvel gave him yet another series, Black Panther & The Crew, which probably should’ve been called Black Panther and His Negrotastic Pals. I bought the first issue, but the book was canceled before I even had  the chance to read it, so womp womp. It could be argued that Coates wasn’t the right choice for the book, but I think a better explanation is that Marvel blew their wad too soon. They should’ve been launching these spinoffs in the wake of the trailer, not cancelling them. Still, the damage is already done, so it’s not like they can let them tread water until the movie is released. If anything, they’re gonna have to cancel and relaunch if they want to capitalize on movie buzz. The ship, however, has sailed for the books currently on the market because this trailer is not going to serve as the shot in the arm that some folks seem to believe it to be.

Fox has got the ball rolling on X-Men: Dark Phoenix, the follow-up to the disappointing X-Men: Apocalypse. It will be directed by Simon Kinberg, who has no directing experience by the way, and is slated to be released November 2nd, 2018. And the gang’s all here, with Fassbender, Lawrence, and McAvoy are all coming back. If you remember, they tried to act like they were on the fence about returning after Apocalypse, but I guess they love money too much. Meanwhile, they’re saying that Jessica Chastain is being pursued to play alien Shi’ar Empress Lilandra, who lets Xavier bone her every couple of years. Did I mention that Kinberg wrote X-Men: The Last Stand? Ya know, the LAST time they did the Dark Phoenix storyline?! THE ONE EVERYBODY HATED?! So they’re basically giving him do-over! Everything about this sounds terrible, but we’ll probably get another cool Quicksilver sequence out of it, this time set to La Bouche’s “Be My Lover” or some other disposable 90s pop song.

Normally, I’m all about those stories where they “get the band back together”, so I was definitely surprised when this video hit the Internet this week. I miss the age of the $20 million comedy, where Hollywood was cranking these things out monthly in the mid ’00s. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story was one of my favorites, so I had high hopes for this thing, whatever it was supposed to be. Still, 13 years have passed since the movie, and this “return to the well” felt just as stale as Zoolander 2. Its saving grace is the fact that it’s only 4 minutes long (which still, somehow, feel like an eternity). I don’t even know where to start with this thing. The unfunniness of Stiller? The weak delivery from Christine Taylor? Or the fact that I don’t have a clue as to what the Hell Omaze is? Apparently it raises money for non-profits, but it’s far from a household name. I don’t know if this is the bold step Omaze needed to take to make a name for themselves. “Hey, look – we’re making a mini sequel to a 13 year old movie that didn’t need a sequel!” This thing seems dead on arrival, and I’d love to somehow be able to track the success/failure of this marketing initiative. Ugh, so much potential, squandered.

Bachelor in Paradise had its production suspended this week after accounts of “misconduct” began to surface. According to varying reports, Corinne Olympios from the most recent season of The Bachelor was involved in some pretty “heavy petting”, as your grandma would call it, with DeMario Jackson from season 13 of The Bachelorette. From what I heard, they were both drunk and tried to have sex. DeMario, unfortunately, couldn’t…”ready his soldier for battle”, so he “went downtown” instead. Corinne’s friend, who’s a producer on the show, told her that it’d look bad for her to be getting serviced on camera like that. A lot of other contestants reportedly witnessed the event, and said that the two were even seen canoodling together later that night. Then, Corinne started saying that she couldn’t remember the events of the night, and that she had never given consent for what happened. So now both sides are lawyered up, blaming the other for character assassination and worse. Oh, by the way, if you’re not familiar with Bachelor In Paradise, it’s a spinoff where the contestants are encouraged to get drunk and try to fuck. So…mission accomplished?

The format of the show was just asking for a controversy like this, and I’m amazed that it took this long for something like this to hit the Bachelor franchise. I don’t know anything about DeMario, but the one season of The Bachelor that I watched featured Corinne as the villain of the season. She was constantly boasting of her sexual prowess, saying things like “My ‘vagine’ is platinum.” Her tactic to win the show was to throw herself at The Bachelor early and often. Now, some folks are gonna interpret this as me saying she “deserved” this. If this was sexual assault, nobody deserves something like that. All I’m saying is that she was strategic in using sex to get what she wanted, and quick to cower when it didn’t work out as planned. Bachelor Nick Viall rebuffed all of her advances last season, and she’d end up pouting in her room, or taking a nap during the rose ceremony. She was notoriously immature yet manipulative. Word on the street was that she was up for her own show, but this little episode might’ve jeopardized the chances of that.

The most interesting part of this whole thing is that THEY HAVE THE TAPE! LET’S GO TO THE DAMN TAPE! How damning is that tape that it hasn’t been released yet? The production is most likely over for good, as the contestants have been sent home. The future of the show is in jeopardy because of this ordeal as there doesn’t really seem to be any coming back from this. The reality show fuck house actually turned into a fuck house. I guess their plan worked a little too well. If the show does come back, this is a watershed moment for dating shows, as nothing will be the same after this. Remember how talk shows changed when the Jenny Jones Murder took place? After that, they all became more staged, and Jerry Springer thrived in its wake. Now you can’t trust anything you see during daytime, while a show like Donahue couldn’t exist in the current climate. They’re gonna have to treat future iterations of The Bachelor with kid gloves, which isn’t what people come to see. When folks watch these shows, they wanna see if the contestants are gonna hook up. Now, they realize that standards and practices won’t allow that to be shown, but they still wanna see as much as the network will allow them to see. All these years after Joe Millionaire aired on Fox, folks don’t remember it for its janky premise (poor guy pretends to be a millionaire in order to find love from a pool of gold diggers), but rather for the scene of “Joe” (Evan Marriott) and contestant Sarah Kozer in the woods with some intense slurping on the audio. Lewd, yes, but boundary-pushing for 2003 and everyone was talking about it. The goal of these shows is to produce something to dominate the conversation for a while and, in that case, this whole thing has been a success. Still, there are serious matters at hand that need to be addressed, as folks are losing jobs (DeMario got fired for the allegations), and could also end up in jail.

After something like a year in teases, we finally have our release date for the DuckTales reboot: Aug 12th. The show will premiere on DisneyXD as an hour-long “mini movie”, and then be rebroadcast for the next 24 hours on the channel. Then,  the series will officially premiere on September 23rd, with 2 new episodes. As you saw above, we also got the new credit sequence and theme song. Some of the old fuddy duddies have taken issue with the remixed theme, but I love it. The most surprising thing to me is the new jacked Mrs. Beakley, but I figure there’ll be an in-series explanation for all that.

In the world of toys, Hasbro unveiled the full Netflix wave of Marvel Legends figures, and they look so great. In the beginning, I was scared these were gonna turn out to be exclusive to a particular retailer, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. We already knew about Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Punisher, but the wave is rounded out by Elektra, as well as comic versions of Blade and Bullseye. As an added surprise, there’s a Build A Figure in the form of Man-Thing. That character means nothing to me, but I’ll be buying the whole wave, so someone give me a shout if you wanna buy Man-Thing off me. That’s right, I’m offering my Man-Thing in exchange for money. I think that might be illegal…

Song of the Week

This week’s song is Morgan Wallen’s “The Way I Talk”, mainly because I completely identify with it. If you’ve ever spoken with me, the first question people tend to ask is “Where are you from? You sound SOUTHERN!” Also, I spent more time than I’d like to admit trying to figure out if that actually was a sample from Spacehog’s “In The Meantime” at the beginning (verdict: inconclusive).

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

CMT is seriously considering reviving Tim Allen’s canceled ABC sitcom, Last Man Standing. They already air the reruns, so it seems like a natural fit.

An Injustice 2 eSports tournament will air on TBS in October. We’re really trying to make “eSports” a thing, huh?

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has been renewed for a 4th season at Netflix. One of these days I’ll finally finish seasons 2 and 3…

Aisha Tyler announced yesterday that she will be leaving The Talk at the end of the season, due to her current commitments on Criminal Minds, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and Archer. Plus, she’ll be directing an upcoming film. Yeah, that’s probably enough jobs for one person.

Someone named Anthony Padilla is leaving something called Smosh. Apparently it’s a thing on the YouTubes. If you’ve got a tween, they can probably explain whatever this means.

In an update to something I mentioned last week, Sony has revised their plans to sell clean versions of their movies. Since it was found that the plan violated union contracts, now Sony will only offer clean versions of movies that have been approved by the director.

ABC has renewed “Toy Shark Tank”, AKA The Toy Box, for a second season.

I took a trip down memory lane to talk about the old Toy Biz Customer Service hotline.

In a baffling move, Amazon is buying Whole Foods Market for $13.7 billion. I haven’t been as confused about a business deal since K-Mart bought Sears.

When I first started West Week Ever, I came up with a No Death Policy. Even though I get kinda negative on here, I still want it to be a positive place. I have a bit of an odd history with death, as I became acquainted with it at an early age, so I like to stay away from all that. Plus, there’s that problem where if you mention one death, you’ve gotta mention ALL the deaths, and ain’t nobody got time for that – especially if that death didn’t really mean anything to me. Still, when I created this feature, I always knew there would be at least 2 important exceptions. I wasn’t looking forward to them, but given their age and health, I knew it would be something I’d have to tackle eventually. Sadly, one of those deaths occurred last Saturday.

When I was growing up, there were few things I looked forward to as much as the 1966 Batman series, weekday afternoons on Fox 5. While I’d gotten the Super Powers Batman and Batmobile toys when I was around 4, I really didn’t know anything about Batman until I was introduced to that show. Hell, I remember how I used to think Batman could fly. I mean, he had a cape! All people with capes fly, right? Anyway, like any kid, I was mesmerized by the POW! ZAP! BIFF! of the fight sequences. I was on the edge of my seat for the end of episode cliffhanger. I’d tie a sheet around my neck, and shadow box along with the Dynamic Duo as they fought King Tut’s goons. I also had a next door neighbor, Brian, who was a few years younger than me (he was 7 when I was 11, as I remember him thinking that was cool), and he worshipped the ground I walked on. He’d come over, and we’d be Batman and Robin, fighting invisible goons with gadgets I’d made from Construx and jump ropes. My concept of Batman was formed by Adam West and Burt Ward, walking up the side of buildings with their Bat Ropes.

As I grew up, I was introduced to other depictions of the Caped Crusader. I started reading comics in ’92, around the time that the classic Batman: The Animated Series debuted. Those versions of Batman were totally different than what I’d grown up knowing. The environment wasn’t as campy, the world was a darker place, and Batman wasn’t doing the Batusi. Over the years, I’ve had even more versions of Batman that I’ve compared to West’s rendition, but I’ve come to appreciate him even more. While the world around him was wacky, West’s Bruce Wayne/Batman was solid. He was smart, calculating, and always knew more than the folks around him. Can you imagine a “Tower of Babel” storyline (the classic JLA story where Batman takes down the rest of the Justice League using contingency plans he’d set up for all of them), starring West’s Batman? I can, and it would be AMAZING.

It seems life wasn’t too shabby for West offscreen, either. According to several stories, he was quite the hit with the ladies, and even had an 8-woman orgy with Riddler Frank Gorshin. ZOWIE! While he never really achieved mega success with anything else, he still established himself as a cult superstar, with his turn in Conan O’Brien’s failed pilot Lookwell, as well as his role as Mayor West on Family Guy, which introduced him to a new generation of fans. Other actors who portrayed Batman went on to other things. For Clooney, Kilmer, and Bale, the role is just another notch on the IMDB profile, but West WAS Batman. With the exception of probably Kevin Conroy, no one else has been so closely identified with the role as Adam West. At the end of the day, he’s the Batman that I always come back to, and the one to which I compare all newcomers. Adam West, born William West Anderson (hey, look at that!), was MY Batman and I think we were all lucky to have him. No, he didn’t have the West Week Ever. I don’t think that’s enough of an honor to indicate what he meant to me. So, with that in mind, Adam West is the inaugural inductee to the West Week Ever Hall of Fame. Farewell, old chum.