#the arguments we can create from literally nothing..... its not healthy..

[dykephan]

the reaction to this phan twitter video has made me realize i need to shoot my phone

[aquaaquila]

My very long rant about The Owl House many will have issues reading

Felt like writing my hot takes within The Owl House and its fan base after witnessing some crazy drama all over the blogs I follow and followed:

First things first, I want to establish that there's nothing wrong with liking other ships that are non-canon or ships that are canon. We can all co-exist peacefully, but we won't if we're going to assume that shippers of other ships by default must be sexist or delusional or just the worst. There are plenty of bad apples among all the shippers here, but they're not necessarily the norm (though to be fair the norm usually enables the worst behaviors of such shippers). As a whole TOH isn't a healthy collective and could never be as this fan base is much larger than people realise (you can't have so many people invested with this show for the fan base to be supposedly chill, like Fat Chance).

Like really you can go from canon purists who will keep everything wholesome and silly but because of how starved the actual canon left them they will include a hundred different headcanons that are not in any way related to actual canon and still be upset as if the canon was threatened when you can just to agree with the headcanons alone. There's still, of course, an issue of canon purists literally rejecting everything that's in their mind is supposedly not okay because it strays away from canon in a more direct way. Then you will have Wittelore enjoyers who just love everything about Belos, Caleb, and Evelyn in various different expressions, but it can at times go to becoming lowkey colonist apologist territory along with pretty much-appropriating everything that applied to the character of color into these three when two of them canonically were never given a proper characterisation and Belos is not supposed to be just a victim that deserves grace but the very force that creates victims and the one to continue the cycle without remorse or second thoughts becoming the cycle itself, thus not making it any wrong to unceremoniously end it, though plenty of people will still have problem with it and wish the show validated Philip's feelings. However, you will also have POC defenders who will give the attention and love to characters of color they deserve and even the demon characters like King for example, and acknowledge how they're in fact the main characters while pointing out the clear white favoritism. But this can also go to an extreme territory where you will be called racist for actually finding white characters your favorite and still being interested more in their characters, which as I said is in fact incredibly extreme and disingenuous and also, something that will invalidate all the other good arguments by the virtue of this extreme being the underlying reason behind all of them and thus completely diminishing the problem because people will no longer take it seriously. Then you will have shippers of non-canon ships that are literally harassed by canon persists and were like that for years until they snapped and started to return the favor in the same way to the point of being delusional about how the canon pairings were not the original plan and how they actually suck and it's the non-canon pairing that should be canon which also further fuels the cycle and validates those who believe that somehow the shippers of other ships are after them specifically and how they mean o good when in fact they're the monsters they created themselves. This also leads to the infamous "critics" of the show who will pretty much hate anything within it to also inaccurate extreme that is based on assumptions born from the collective gaslight of some headcanons being canon, along with people judging the show on the surface and assuming things that were never the plan because they made a connection to something else they liked and got disappointed when those two things turned out to be unrelated (for example Hunter's arc being not like Zuko's arc when clearly it was never the point) and thus shushing away any potential criticism the show actually could get by the virtue of getting criticism that holds no water upon the closer look and thus makes people believe the show is, in fact, flawless or that the flaws don't matter in the slightest (when they do as they help improve future stories to not make the same mistakes and create something better). And of course, you will have people collectively gaslighting everyone around them that everything is fine and there's no drama in the show even though everyone hates each other here and fuel toxicity together by constantly drawing distinctions between "us and them" but never talking about how toxic it is.

Congratulations, we created our Emperor's Coven at home! This entire thing is pretty much the reason why I'm making this thing.

But back to the rest of the actual meat of this post, that was mere appetizer.

Second of all: Multishippers exist. Some people like both Lumity and Lunter and there are Lunter shippers who like Amity, me included as Amity's one of my favorite characters. It's disingenuous to assume Lunter shippers are by default lesphobic or just hate Amity. Heck, the reason Lunter shippers dislike Amity is less about her and more about the fan base's attitude. Imagine being constantly harassed that you don't ship mainstream ship by being specifically reminded that a specific lesbian exists, even if this isn't about her. You would be tired of her too because "good for her to be a happy lesbian", but Lumity may still not satisfy people as it's basically all fluff at this point. People are so overjoyed with them being together they hardly explore now possibilities of them going through something. At most, they will use green-haired Amity but people still will be waiting for green to turn into periwinkle, and fluff will just overwhelm anything else. And don't get me started on how both of them also end up being flanderised and dirty because of each other (as it goes both ways). People can just not vibe with that or be indifferent, but because people get harassed for daring to not love Lumity or Amity, they just end up hating it more. The issue is not Amity, the issue is Amity being the only option allowed. And gatekeeping people from enjoying other ships isn't ok. It really makes you feel like people erase aspects of their characters just to conform to a specific image of them and how can you accept something like this when the show is all about embracing weirdness and differences and not conforming to anything. Loving Lumity is a norm in this fan base, not a break with convention.

Third of all: I'm sorry to y'all but I think that considering Evelyn and Willow as literal parallels because they both fell in love with "Caleb" is disingenuous to both of them. No one would draw this connection if Willow wasn't romantically involved with Hunter. And while I don't disagree that Huntlow is goated and canon/semi-canon, their relationship is still left to interpretation and they are only implied to have a thing but not confirmed to be downright an item. We don't know 100% if they're dating, playing the long game, engaged, or amicably broken up. And that's great as both of their characters work in their own right and they don't need an established relationship to be fulfilled and people can interpret their relationship however they like, no need to throw pitchforks at one another. And Willow being dressed up AS A STEREOTYPE just doesn't help the case of her somehow being Evelyn's foil. Luz was dressed as an actual witch character (even if said witch is also not how real witches operate either, but it's still closer in meaning than Willow being dressed up as a devil as if Evelyn indeed charmed Caleb and he didn't fall in love with her like a normal person or that Evelyn was ever in the wrong to like a boy).

And as for Evelyn: please stop just summarising her up to Caleb's love interest for Titan's sake. We may not know much about her but we know that they did start as friends according to Dana's livestream and later on they would become parents to their child (if Belos didn't ruin it). Not only it's different from Huntlow as Huntlow didn't establish where they stand in their relationship at the end while it's clear that Evelyn and Caleb fucked, but Evelyn and Caleb had their love story that did take time (Huntlow at most is just getting started but for all, we know they could still break up in the future cause why not, it's their choice, first love isn't necessarily the only option). My point is that Evelyn's life didn't revolve around her love for Caleb alone so saying Willow and Evelyn are parallels because of them being lovers of our favorite white boys pretty much erases both of their characters. Evelyn's worth as a character doesn't end on getting pregnant, but also being a catalyst of all the events within the story, along with being a Clawthorne ancestor and original wild witch living between worlds.

Fifth point: this is where I bring Luz into this as the parallel, the infamous "Luz is Evelyn" everyone just loves to discard because it's only used as Lunter's argument and further making Evelyn only Caleb's bitch and nothing else, but here's a thing: you can use this parallel platonically to further spite Philip. People draw the connection because aside from having no romantic feelings towards "Caleb" (which is the only distinction between the two), Luz is also a wild witch (wild as in both wild personality-wise, wild as in everything Belos stands against (and side note: Willow being someone Belos wouldn't approve of is not a high bar because Belos would literally not approve of ANYBODY within our cast, so Willow's not special in this regard, heck Belos doesn't even know Willow all that much), wild as in using the very magic that came from the titan and wild as in a wild card that changed the course of history) that traveled between realms and came from another world (let's be real, Hunter is a witch from boiling isles, not a human from the earth, so Luz by a longshot matches the description better than Willow who's just a regular witch born in the demon realm to Hunter that frankly wouldn't be hurt or restrained by the coven system as she only uses plant magic from her bile sac and didn't go against the empire until season 1 finale and even then she didn't do it as a wild witch but child witch railing witches belonging to the coven to release Eda). Both of them also have loose association with Clawthornes as Luz isn't legally one but just a surrogate daughter of one and Evelyn's surname isn't known, the clan could've been established much later down the line or Evelyn's descendant married into Clawthorne's family, making Evelyn just an ancestor at best and distant at worst. I also already mentioned how both of them are catalysts to both the rise in power and the death of Philip while having massive guilt over it (Philip died on the inside as he killed Caleb, crossing the moral event horizon along with setting on the journey of destroying the entire realm. Plus I cannot imagine the survivor's guilt Evelyn must have felt over Caleb dying and orphaning their unborn child - which parallels Luz thinking she doomed her palisman by carving into an egg thinking it could never hatch because of how "she keeps on messing up constantly"). And of course, it's clear as day that Luz kickstarts Hunter's redemption arc by introducing Flapjack (and Evelyn did the same with Caleb, meanwhile Willow's only interaction with Flapjack is her giving him flowers on his grave; and it's worth noting as I doubt that Evelyn intentionally 'fixed" Caleb, much like Luz didn't intentionally "fixed" Hunter, though people sure love to think otherwise), making him question what he knows (a witch hunter falling in love with a witch - existential crisis is warranted, along with tones of guilt) and making him "betray" Belos (Hunter disobeyed Belos in HP and then questioned him directly in HM; Caleb "left Philip behind"). Like I'm sorry but Willow did nothing but wait till Hunter gets his shit together by himself (the only thing she actively tried to change his mind about is not judging a book by its cover but that's where it ends; she didn't call him out on doing the utterly terrible thing of kidnapping them to his cult nor anything else he did that wasn't morally correct) while Luz openly defied him and his worldview for him to come to his senses ("You're really going to take all those Palismen? I know what he does with them. I thought you were a good guy, but that was just wishful thinking" Hunter then proceeds to protect Luz from Kikimora, reveals his name, and lets Luz go with the Palismen just like that). Trivia: Evelyn also has brunette hair that is wild and tied back, Luz used to have them too early on but shorter, and currently they're curly.

That's where parallel comes from. That's what Evelyn us to Caleb: catalyst of change. Yes, Luz isn't in love with Hunter, but we could headcanon away that Caleb would be merely an uncle of Evelyn's kid, who's going to stop us from doing that? We can even make it that Philip felt replaced by Evelyn by her being Caleb's "new sibling" just for the fun of interpretation of the character.

But even if we won't do that (as no one forces us) then we must remember that parallel characters are not 2 characters being one and the same. Evelyn and Luz would still be separate entities and there's no crime in that. Luz not falling in love with a blond white boy is fine because that isn't and shouldn't be Evelyn's defining trait. Evelyn's defining trait is kickstarting change in Caleb which kickstarts Belos's vendetta against Witches. Romance was a bonus.

My sixth point: Last but not least let's finally talk about the elephant in the room that is parallel between Philip and Luz. All interpretations are valid, if you're choosing to interpret them like that, it's your valid choice and opinion. But saying that it's THE thing that happened within the show is just not correct and let me explain why before you discard me altogether if you haven't already.

Luz projected into Belos and Belos took advantage of that.

There, I said it, that's the ultimate truth of the show, you literally cannot deny this isn't how it happened.

Luz pretty much only had Philip as a point of reference to someone who shared her experience of a human in the demon realm. However, if she got to know Caleb instead of Philip, he would be the one Luz would compare herself to him. Ironically, she would be more correct as both of them are humans who run away to the demon realm after being possibly rejected by the closed-minded society and leaving behind unpleasant reality and their only living family member who they didn't realize how much they've hurt for choosing to leave them for the world that made them happy and helped them flourish (compare starved Caleb in Belos's vision to Caleb living in the demon realm and introducing Philip to Evelyn before he decided to kill them,). You could even say that Luz is a fusion of both Caleb and Evelyn at once. But unfortunately, Luz doesn't know Caleb as well as the audience does, all she knows is that he used to be a witch hunter who fell in love with Evelyn but that's about it. She doesn't know that he even has a connection to the portal door or Clawthorne ancestry.

So with no one else as a point of reference, Luz is going to compare herself to Philip Whattabitch. She assumed that she must be as bad as Belos because she thought he sincerely thought he was doing everything for a genuine reason and not because he was just a douchebag. Sure Philips's motivations are complex, but they don't come from a good place in the slightest. The Titan himself literally asks Luz if she's drunk on Eda's apple blood for thinking she's just as bad as Belos.

Like seriously, Luz stumbled on the Isles by pure accident. It was never for a reason or a higher purpose. She was never "destined" to go there, but it was her actions and decisions that led her there and changed the world around her. She didn't know the reason why she landed on Boiling Isles because there never was any reason or a prophecy to justify her presence there as it was never needed. This is not the same as Belos who willingly went to the demon realm to both find his brother and destroy all the witches. Luz very quickly grew out of "I'm the chosen one" whereas Belos made himself a false messiah. Even the Titan said that she's not chosen to be given Titan powers by fate but for her actions and kindness she's given them to support her and it was her decision to accept them. Not to mention that she respected the Isles, the inhabitants, and the magic that was part of this world, while all Belos ever did was destroy, murder, and steal it all for himself.

The show doesn't tell you Luz and Belos are foils, the show tells you that Luz VIEWS herself as Belos's foil, but she's nothing like him. Even their respective hero complexes are different. Luz seeks self-improvement to find a community for herself to belong to. But Belos? Belos wants to get praise and glory for slaughtering "the evil". Those two are not the same because Belos doesn't care about anyone but himself while Luz is all about what other people feel and think about her and she sacrifices herself multiple times for other people's sake. Belos would never do that. Belos wasn't even happy that Caleb was actually well and healthy in the demon realm, in contrast to the vision where Caleb is starved and sleep-deprived because he had to look after him ever since they were little orphans, sacrificing his own well-being. But Luz would rather give up her own hopes and dreams just to not see anyone she cares about ever put themselves on the line like that.

At most, I can agree that Luz represents what's best in humanity and Belos represents the worst, but that is still an incredibly broad concept that just doesn't contribute much to the actual story of TOH which isn't about humanity as a whole. And I'm sorry but this parallel is just used to woobify Belos and villanise Luz, something that certainly is not right. Because even if you made Belos a hero and Luz a villain, they'd still be nothing like one another.

Even Luz's dynamic with Hunter is nothing like Caleb and Philip. Caleb and Philip grew up together and they were the entire world to one another growing up. But Luz and Hunter didn't even have each other when growing up, they didn't get to know them until their teens, and the first time they meet they were at each other's throats which is different from Wittebane brothers having a loving relationship early on only for Belos to stab Caleb. Arguably, even if liked the idea of Luz and Hunter being siblings, I'd be disappointed with how much the show didn't do anything with them and it's always the fan base that pulls heavy weight on them being sibling-like. Like Hunting Palismen is them not even being friends let alone family and it's still supposed to be the pinnacle of their sibling rivalry, even though they were actual enemies and Luz is just as petty and immature here as she is with Kikimora? Luz supposedly didn't go after Hunter after he ran away from the Owl House whereas she did chase King when he learned the truth in Echoes of the Past? Supposedly we never had an on-screen scene where Hunter officially becomes a Noceda? I'm sorry but I will take a "You're family" from Afro-Latina as not confirmation that I'm a sibling but a friend who is close enough to be as valued as a family member, especially followed by Willow's "You're one of us now" and preceded with Camila's "I'm a mother of six". Are Hunter and Willow siblings too now? Hunter didn't even get to be in a photo of the Noceda family in the epilogue, what kind of brother would that be?

Camila is more of a Caleb to Luz considering it was her who raised Luz through trials and tribulations, sacrificing her own quirks and encouraging Luz to do the same just to conform to the norms of Gravesfield. But quite frankly it's Luz who ultimately runs away because of a certain Clawthorne Witch leaving Camila behind. Hunter literally has no such story with Luz, unless you count him running away in HM, only to return to COTH a week later and then finally live under Nocedas' roof.

Even when Luz didn't like Hunter's guts, she would never kill him. And despite being dressed up as Belos in the nightmare sequence, there's never a parallel between Philip and Caleb, because truly this isn't their relationship. And while we're at it, the whole nightmare sequence is once again a play on Luz's insecurities and doubts, but none of them are the truth. None of Luz's friends blame her for what happened, none of Belos's crimes are her crimes, and Luz would never willingly destroy the Boiling Isles because she doesn't destroy the things or people she hates. Even Belos was not finished off by Luz but by boiling rain and her family.

Ok, I finished venting about everything that's been going on inside my head. Might add more on the way, but those were the issues that were bugging me so now do whatever you want with it.

[laundryandtaxes]

In light of the Supreme Court abortion opinion leak, it seems popular to say that the right to an abortion and the right to a sex change operation are inextricably linked, and that to legally restrict one will inevitably lead to the restriction of the other. Thoughts?

If you mean generally the argument that what adults do with their body should be up to those adults and that medical decisions should be left to individuals and to medical professionals entrusted with guiding people to reasonable decisions, I think that's a very solid basis for meaningful allyship, for two groups to work together toward the common goal of bodily autonomy for every adult. If you mean arguments like this

Then I have none of the same positive thoughts, frankly, and I think this is misogynist and that women need to start seeing it and calling it out publicly as such. "Trans sports bans" is an intentionally disparaging phrase for attempts to allow women the chance to show off their athletic performance and abilities via female-only sport, because everyone knows that they broadly cannot do that when competing with members of the opposite sex- regardless of what the IOC says or does, we know that the physical advantages most relevant to sport are related to male puberty, not testosterone levels- and therefore, I think that advocating against the right of women to participate meaningfully in sport only with other women is misogyny. The concept that such attempt are fundamentally about "policing what a female body is" is absurd- knowing that being male is not the same thing as being female isn't gatekeeping, it's having useful definitions and concepts, and if anything this language obscures that this has caused real problems for a large number of people with actual DSDs who, it seems, likely need some form of particular accommodation to compete fairly in sport. This is an especially misogynist concept to be throwing around in a time when policing what female bodies are for or can do is quite literally on the table in half the country right now. "Healthcare to youth" is a euphemism for preventing them from undergoing the normal and healthy process that allows them to become adults, potentially locking them into experiencing distress that all of our previously existing numbers say should abate for many of them over time, in what I personally believe to be literal real time medical experimentation. I've not seen any state-level attempts to roll back general access for adults to transition-related services, so frankly it is nonsensical and self-centered to be looking at real attacks on women and preemptively comparing them to, I suppose, attacks on other groups in the future (general transition services bans for adults, for instance) or to things that women overwhelmingly seem to support in private, like the existence of female-only sports, or to things that are not at all related even in the sense of basic bodily autonomy, like pediatric medical transition.

Anyone who wants to seem like an ally to women right now who is also spending time publicly pushing the narrative that there is nothing meaningful or even extant about physical sex can honestly keep it, as far as I'm concerned, and save the energy for other things they clearly think are more real problems. Abortion restrictions are about women. The justifications for them all circle back to the idea that women are obligated, by virtue of being female, to create and bear children whether they like it or not. Any obfuscation of this fact is misogynist, and any argument that attempts to make sense of abortion restrictions while refusing the grapple with the existence of femaleness as meaningful and extant (and I'm obviously not claiming that every transgender person does this, it's just directly implied by the snide comment about sex segregation in sports) will fail to center misogyny in its understanding of what's being stripped from American women in June.

[autimind]

Pathologizing autism

There is something rotten about the way society talks about autism. In short, people pathologize what we do. They call it sick because we do it.

Here is a list of eight characteristics from a Dutch psychological education platform. A serious, government-sponsored one too.

little reciprocity

trouble with non-verbal communication

taking things literally

difficulty maintaining reliationships

sticking to routines

difficulty with changes

rigid in thinking and conduct

oversensitive to stimuli

So what's wrong?

All of these are true, for some value of true.

The problem is in the way these are phrased and certainly in the way only negative terms are used to describe how we live.

little reciprocity

Have they ever witnessed two autistics rapidly and happily talking through some subject in minute and interconnected detail? It is glorious to behold and heady to be part of.

A realistic view, now supported by actual research, is that ND-ND pairs easily create rapport, just like NT-NT pairs do.

There is often little reciprocity among NT-ND pairs because the NT part will demand adherence to their own mode of communicating and if their needs aren't met, talking will break down. For a minor rant with some more detail see And they call us rigid. Also see below.

trouble with non- verbal communication

Why should 70%-93% be non-verbal? This is common with NT people and they are 44 in 45 humans or thereabouts but these people are apparently very flexible and good with change. Is it such a sacrifice to listen to the actual words at times in order to help us?

Isn't it entirely understandable that I don't catch sarcasm when someone else matches their body language to their phrasing and only afterwards bursts out laughing and claims it was sarcasm? By the way, some people have a nasty habit of saying impolite or harsh stuff and then when you react negatively claiming it was a joke all along and claiming you just didn't get it.

Isn't it necessary to talk about the staggering amount of misunderstanding that NT's suffer from among themselves? They can't reliably read the inner workings of others' minds from their faces, stance and gestures. They just think they can. It is in that erroneous notion that arguments and even entire feuds start. All without an autistic necessarily even being nearby.

taking things literally This is not something autistics do or at least not in the way people picture it. I have never met anyone who honestly thought 'laughing your head off' actually means laughing so hard that your head spontaneously separates from your neck.

Now that I come to think about this.. it is a rather grisly metaphor. I am no specialist in this area but I suppose even after snapping the spine, tearing the many muscles and other fibers that attach the head to the body would take an impressive amount of force. It could of course be sliced off but that isn't naturally part of the metaphor. See, that is what thinking literally can be like.

ANYWAY, it is more healthy and social to realise that people tend to take eachother literally when understanding breaks down. This is easier to understand when you picture just barely speaking another language and trying to speak it on holiday. You won't get any of the idiom, very few of the cultural references and so on. So .. you take literally what you do understand. See Taking things literally.

Autistics have a different Theory of Mind and communicate differently, build up understanding bottom-up where allistics understand top-down and looking far more for the facts of any matter than its social dimensions. All of that makes it very easy to misunderstand and so we take things literally. There is nothing else left. The allistic blithely assumes they're normal and in the right. It is however fairly cruel to scold someone for taking your words literally when it is the very last tool they have. It is like kicking a puppy.

difficulty maintaining relationships

Lots of people have difficulty maintaining reliationships. This is not a core characteristic of autism but a result of various complications. You might as well claim that autistics have trouble holding on to a job or have trouble being represented on forums that talk about us.

A relationships needs at its very essence mutuality. Even in very imbalanced powered-up relationships like you see in employment there is a tacit understanding that both parties stick to the (unwritten) social rules. Since autistics don't do authority well, especially if it is not based on actual merit or at least a decent explanation, professional relationships easily break down.

Friendships also need mutuality but more in the sense that both friends understand what the other would take from the relationship and are okay with that.

sticking to routines

This one is primarily true but it is not essential. Underneath the hood, by far most autistics need the world to be understandable and predictable. This we share with allistics. It is the very reason that fantasy exists as the Ur-literature. Almost all humans prefer living in a world that is somehow ordered and just. As Terry Pratchett explained it, children already know that dragons exist but fairy tales allow them to believe that dragons can be killed.

The routines and their importance to us are, again, a result and not some core trait. We don't stick to routines because we are somehow 'routinessent'. It is outward conduct and I find it notable that allistic understanding of how we are once again looks at the surface and no further.

difficulty with changes

This one, in my personal opinion, has a lot to do with the excruciating speed with which allistics can implement changes without any explanation provided. They just assume that because everything is clear in their own heads, this must somehow be true of the world. Others can either keep up or be scolded.

Is it really too much trouble to stand still for a few seconds, ask someone if it is okay to change an agreed upon plan on a whim and wait for an answer?

Let us note that allistics can be sticklers for their own plans. That plan might include any number of steps and modes of action but the plan to them is most often sacrosanct. It is us auti's that are positively used to being talked over, forced to change our prediction of the near future and just having to keep up or get lost.

rigid in thinking and conduct Any allistic who actually does act or think rigidly will call themselves straightforward or consistent. Maybe both. It is only when an autistic person sticks to a line of reasoning or way of doing something that it gets called rigid.

Autistics often enough think far more logically then the average allistic is willing to do, most probably because they tend to see social intersections as always an important part of any situation.

Another important part of this sorry mess is that autistic children and (young) adults are often taught by rote memorization. If you tell an auti-kid that they should always be honest and forthright then by Jove they will do so. If the poor kid then says something a parent finds awkward or embarrassing, they'll react with something like 'Stop! Why are you doing that?! Never do that again!!" So the kid remembers: be honest and forthright and shut up. And so on and so forth.

When an autistic doesn't understand something, anything really, then it is usually attributed to the autism. "Oh, he doesn't understand. He has that disorder." However, if an allistic doesn't understand one of us, we should learn to communicate more clearly.

The social world is complicated for us and far too many autistics have been and are being beaten into epistemic submission. The result is fawning behaviour, desperately trying to act correctly. The only tool left then is to learn it all by heart and that results in rigid behaviour.

This is not an autistic trait. It is autistic trauma.

oversensitive to stimuli

This one is more or less true, of many autistics. There is a tremendous variety within the spectrum, though. One autistic may not have sensory issues at all, others will just be overstimulated by one sense, others by several senses and a few really can't deal with any stimulus without discomfort.

However, we can again ask why the social spaces that we do move in absolutely have to be so bright and so loud. In actual fact, I believe that the mere intensity of some stimulus is often enough not the main problem. I listen to very loud music at times and enjoy it very much. However, having to listen to four different conversations at once is very quickly painful for me, even if they aren't all that loud. Asking too much of our ability to process in real-time seems to me to be the primary concern when it comes to stimuli.

Why do stores positively have to pump music from speakers? All I came to do was get groceries. Or a pair of trousers. Why do stores have to be lit so very brightly? I am thinking of starting a low-stimulus hour campaign in my town. It would help far more than calling a sensitivity autistic.

Isn't this the central theme of talking about characteristics? Any actual ally would always at least try to understand and accomodate, not use autism as an explanation and be done with it.

[bossthebicon]

i've seen love in the air (LITA) and i would like to argue in its favor... i think in 2022 we should all be past demonizing or belittling bl shows which plot focuses mostly on sexual relationships as if they're an unimportant part of lgbt people's lives (this has happened recently with ''only friends'', just after the trailer was released, its own director had to come out and /defend/ himself against what were blatantly puritan and subtly homophobic ''bl fans'' making this same argument). first of all, LITA is a romance bl so of course, the main plot is about the main characters falling in love with all it entails. and they do a excellent, excellent job at portraying 4 very different people in 4 different stages/backgrounds in life with 4 very different life experiences and how they come together and work through all things standing between them. LITA is more than a simple romance bl that says nothing once it's done. it has incredible SA survivor representation with all that it entails (dealing with PTSD, how it affects someone's perception of love and sex, how people help victims, how to slowly heal from it, etc) and it also has a great representation of ''you're more than just someone's boyfriend and being in love is not everything in life'' in the sense of academic success, hard work, determination, etc. yeah the NC scenes are good because the chemistry between the actors is great, but there's literally 5 NC scenes in 13 episodes total and they all make sense in the totality of the TV show.

i understand romance-based bls might not be everyone's cup of tea and people would rather watch things like triage, manner of death, not me or vice versa, which are more about the storyline than the love line, but ruling out LITA just because it's got NC scenes in it is doing a disservice to the effort and talent the actors have in portraying human, real and raw lgbt love experiences.

i hope you can give it a try, especially prapai and sky's story, since it tells a very beautiful tale of care, acceptance, overcoming trauma and building a healthy support system. <3

okay, that's another way to see it. the way you describe this series makes it sound way better than the basic university bl it seemed to be, which makes it seem actually interesting. I still probably won’t watch it bc I have many other shows in store & also sa survivor storylines that are too graphic bother me. (also mame’s OBSESSION with having sa survivors in every single on of her stories is weird, I’m sorry 💀 especially considering she’s romanticized sa multiple times as well 💀) that being said, I wanna make something clear (which I thought was clear if you scrolled to my blog but anyways): I am not against sex scenes. only friends is one of the 2023 shows I'm the most excited for, and I've praised p'jojo's (the same director) works featuring sex as an important part of life like the warp effect before. my issue with sex scenes in bl comes with bl not being a genre for lgbtq+ people to start with. it suffices to look at the original novels that inspire 99% of thai bl shows: they almost all feature & excuse sa in some form, and rely heavily on stereotypes of the small feminine main character with his pushy masculine love interest to only present ONE type of relationship, when lgbtq+ people are all unique & different. sure, bl has now a huge lgbtq+ following & many of the people creating bl shows are now lgbtq+ themselves, but that doesn't mean that most bl shows aren't still mostly meant for straight women. and if anyone opens their eyes for five seconds, they will realize that there is a reason why bl shows are a thousand times more sexual than straight thai dramas: bc most of those scenes are for fanservice rather than in service of the plot. and fyi I LOVE romances. it's the reason I love thai dramas so much, bc pretty much all of them are romances in some way. and I LOVE well done sex scenes like seanwhite's first time. so to pretend I'm demonizing all bl sex scenes instead of acknowledging the truth that most bl sex scenes are unnecessary & only there to arouse its audience is misplaced. if non bl thai dramas were as sexual as american shows for example, I wouldn't say a thing bc this oversexualization would be generalized (still not sure it would be okay though.) but here it's present ONLY in bl, which tells me everything there is to know.

xxx

[bigskydreaming]

#when i read about tim i often kind of come to the idea that he's relatively self centered#and that can be both a flaw and a strength#but he doesn't often consider other people's feelings and circumstances#like when dick made damian robin he didn't really consider the situation from anyone else's view#or in his origin story#he doesn't seem to consider how dick would feel about hearing how tim was affected by dick's parents' death#or with the spyral situation#or in regards to him earning robin#and its pretty consistent in fandom characterization even if a lot of writers don't seem to be aware of it#its interesting cause i think its something i think he has in common with bruce#its honestly a surprisingly consistent thing from what i see#and it can be a strength to#it can absolutely lead to some confidence and self actualization#as well as being able commit to fixing something and working hard at it#because you believe you can and don't think anyone else can/will do it via @emenerd

Y’know, what’s interesting to me about these points is the fact that like.....Tim having tendencies towards self-centeredness is actually something that COMPLETELY makes sense and can be quite sympathetic in light of his backstory of having neglectful parents.

In an age of armchair diagnosticians eager to label anyone who expresses a controversial viewpoint while centering themselves as an example, as like, having a narcissistic personality disorder (and with the loaded implication that this makes them a bad person even if its true, instead of just....having a disorder, yay weaponizable ableism) like, it can be important to add in distinctions that even tendencies that share overlap with a lot of things born of entitlement, etc....aren’t always necessarily proof of that.

For instance, in Tim’s case, an overemphasis on himself and his own position in situations and arguments can very reasonably be attributed as a coping mechanism he developed in an attempt to acknowledge and address self-esteem issues he sees himself as having, DUE to parental neglect.

Its not that he thinks he’s the most important person in the room, necessarily, its that he spent so many years not even being considered a person in the room, that now he OVERCOMPENSATES on his own behalf, in an attempt to remind himself that no, his opinion and feelings and situations do matter.....and because he like most of the Bat-characters has a tendency towards hyper-fixating on a problem they’re trying to address, this can also understandably create a kind of tunnel vision. Where he’s so busy focusing on what he’s diagnosed as an actual issue he has that he’s trying to address or make up for, in order to build up his self-esteem....that he neglects to keep everyone around him equally centered in his interactions with them, and remember that like, they have their own issues and ignoring that to focus entirely on his own runs the risk of negatively impacting them in the exact same way he’s still learning to cope with having been negatively impacted in his development as a child.

None of this makes him a bad person, or is stuff that can’t be addressed and developed just by paying the appropriate attention to it and his interactions.

SO the issue I tend to more often have....

Is with how often in fandom and fanon we hear references to Tim’s neglect and emotional abuse and how this impacted him.....much in the same way we see Jason and Cass and Damian and Dick’s various forms of abuse and the developmental impact it had on them....

BUT there tends to then be a disconnect, IMO, because that acknowledgment of the WHAT of Tim’s neglect and abuse and the HOW it hurt him.....isn’t often followed up by an examination/awareness of how it also SHAPED him.....at least, not compared to how discussions/fics about say, Jason’s abuse tend to point out the latter as much as the former.

And this is a big part of my gripe with the ways abuse is centered and tackled as a topic in fics and fandom discussions, because its so often capitalized upon as a defense or shield for a character from criticism, stuff like that.....without ever actually EXPLORING the topic itself, or the FULLNESS of the impact it can have.

But only in regards to some characters.

What I mean is like....we see a lot of focus on Jason’s childhood abuse, yeah? And this often is then connected through headcanons, meta and fics to various aspects of Jason’s characterization as a teenager, and as an adult as well.....with a tendency towards anger or violence, abrasive personality, etc. Don’t get me wrong, its usually presented as such in a SYMPATHETIC light, especially when raised by fans of Jason themselves.....but his abuse is very much present and centered in fics and discussions as something that not only impacted him and made him suffer, but something that actually shaped him to varying degrees as well....with a lot of focus then in fics of him as an adult, like, paid to him going to therapy and unpacking his childhood abuse in an effort to WORK on these aspects of himself that make his present day life harder or less healthy than he’d like it to be. The issue of how his abuse lent itself to various behaviorisms is raised in order to address various byproducts of his abuse as FLAWS that he seeks to eliminate, in order to make himself happier and make himself someone that people want to be around more.

And again, don’t get me wrong - for the most part, this is a GOOD thing. The caveat here is just a personal dislike I have for how often these narratives smack of a kind of saviorism, and act like it was only through the grace of Bruce and becoming part of the Batfam that Jason’s ever afforded the opportunity to better himself as a person. I dislike the hell out of this because it not only pairs all too well with a lot of classist shit, it feeds into the singular narrative we’re so often presented with by media about abused kids: the myth of the victim being destined to become a victimizer, it all being an inevitable cycle. The reason this myth is so easily perpetuated is the exact reason I’m so critical of the saviorism in a lot of abused-Jason fics.....people can very easily fall into the trap of assuming that abused kids are likely to grow up to be abusers because they never have anyone to TEACH them that abuse is wrong, or to lead by healthy example. 

The harm of this perception is that it kinda throws under the bus every kid who never lucks out and gets a Bruce Wayne style savior swooping in to not only save them from their abusive environs, but TEACH them that they deserved better and that abuse is wrong. 

Because its like, uh, the thing is, plenty of abused kids who never get a personal mentor or savior figure are fully capable of figuring out for themselves that they deserve better and that people hurting them is wrong, because it makes them feel bad and they don’t like that? 

Many abused kids don’t grow up in a media vacuum where they simply have no access to glimpses of lives different from their own.....we see kids having happier, healthier family lives on TV or in books and are able to figure out that society overall thinks that’s what family is SUPPOSED to look like, and its ours that is the aberration? 

The very fact that we’re taught or have it instilled in us by abusive parents that like, we’re not to bring up instances or examples of our abuse to teachers or friends, that its a SECRET, is like, usually a dead giveaway that there’s something WRONG with it that we’re being instructed - and enforced with abusive consequences - to keep from alerting others to....like, this is basically a blaring siren to a lot of us that no, what’s happening to us ISN’T normal and acceptable, and that’s literally WHY the parent we’re afraid of is so insistent on us keeping the facts of it hidden? 

And so like, tons of abused kids figure out for ourselves the difference between right or wrong, based off nothing more than our own feelings about things and a desire to not be like the people who make us feel miserable - like, never underestimate the power of spite to like, keep a kid from growing up doing the same thing to others that was done to them, lol. 

But point being, lots of kids never get a Bruce Wayne figure to take them away from their abuse and also teach them that they never deserved it and how not to pass the hurt forward by doing the same things to others. And its kinda condescending as fuck that we so often see narratives that take it as so obvious it barely merits commenting on, that like, ‘of COURSE abused kids grow up to become abusers if they don’t have someone else step in and show them a better way’....mmm, no. Fuck that. But you get what I mean.

So like, its a mixed bag. Its a good thing, to see Jason-centric stories that show him addressing his childhood and seeking just a more fuller, happier, healthier life for himself. Its a less great thing to see this narrative presented as all encompassing, with it never being raised that no, Jason actually could figure out he deserved better and how to treat people in ways he’d want to be treated even without a billionaire guardian angel.....NOT because the narrative wherein someone helps an abused kid figure out what was wrong about how they were treated is like, NEVER valid....but rather it just becomes a problem when looked at as a data point against the larger tapestry of fandom-wide works....and noticing that this specific narrative is pretty much the ONLY one raised or treated as valid. With it just being ASSUMED to be the natural course of events and characters, rather than just....the direction society overall has their perceptions of abuse steered towards due to a singular and constantly reinforced abuse narrative shown to us in media.

And the way this all plays back into my point about Tim and what took me down this road in general.....

Is that disconnect I was talking about, lies specifically in HOW Tim is often acknowledged and regarded as an abuse survivor due to his emotional abuse and neglect......with this abuse and its impact on HIM often taking center stage, much the way Jason’s abuse and its impact takes center stage in his narratives.....

BUT with a key difference being that while a lot of Jason’s narratives go on to denote the specific ways his abuse helped SHAPE him and his interactions with others, and raise and address the ways in which he can better himself and his relationships by unpacking all of this openly....

Most of the stories about Tim’s abuse/neglect tend to just STOP at the awareness of its existence and impact on him. Never taking it that one step further to examine how those specific forms of abuse could have additionally SHAPED him....in ways that sometimes negatively impact those around him and his own loved ones, even if this is completely unintentional on his part. The difference, the disconnect, lies solely in how rarely its ever acknowledged that Tim’s own upbringing can and does play directly into how he interacts with people later on in life.....and in ways that he’s fully capable of addressing and bettering himself so as to be happier and healthier just in his own life, and in his relationships, as someone others want to be around.

Aaaaand once you actually examine or consider WHY there’s this discrepancy between the full ramifications of Tim’s abuse and that which various siblings of his underwent, when there’s full agreement that what he did go through absolutely can be termed abusive as well....like, its the implications of what about Tim makes him more naturally resistant or whatever to being shaped by his abuse in ways that have actual negative impact on others in his life, whereas the same isn’t true of say, Jason.....that’s when the red flags start to go up for me, and the unintended subtext starts to get Less Than Stellar, IMO.

Anyway. Just food for thought on the subject of Tim, his upbringing, the various impacts this had on not JUST him but also on how he interacts with others, and ways in which all of this compares and contrasts with how the subject of abuse is raised and depicted in regards to other Batkids.

[henlex]

@bonknanab here's your taeho reading💕💖💕💖💕 get ready to be emotional

This is so long rip

P1harmony:

Theo🤝Keeho

Sun

Theo: Cancer, uwu. Protective sweethearts. That mom energy. But can be v protective of themselves too. That's the kind of the hard exterior you could see A Lot when he was first in camera, and the shy aurora even tho he's an extrovert. He's just trying to protect his soft self from the world. They really like to feel safe (kinda like taurus) they like to have a home that's secure so they tend to resist change. They can be pretty sentimental. They're guided by their emotions. They're pretty vulnerable and have a deep capacity for love. Very sensitive, can get hurt easily. Can be touchy, dependable and caring

Keeho: libra, air. Very sociable, just really love being with people. Very approachable. They really like balance but they can unintentionally cause problems because they spread themselves too thin. They really have good intentions but they could 100% lie to not create waves. Theyll kind of do anything to keep the peace. They can be pretty indirect/ hate confrontation, which can drive some people mad (🙋🏼‍♀️its me😂)Real masterful at avoiding things. They have high expectations and tend to compare things.

Moons

Theo- scorpio: I love this boy so much wow😭

He's and emotional boyyy. So he really likes emotional intensity. He feels things really deeply. They can really see through to the soul of a person. They unconsciously get uneasy when things are too calm/ easy and might seek emotional excitement/ drama. All or nothing. They dont want flings, they dont start things unless they'll finish them. Ok so they love commitment, they seek it ok, but they're also super cautious and suspicious of everyone. They tend to unintentionally test the people in their lives for loyalty...But after theyve committed they're incredibly loyal and protective😭Some people can be intimidated by them but others are drawn to them. They seem to just know things, crazy good intuition.

Keeho-Aqua, air. Unique, used to being different, shy kids. They're kind of detached and like to observe and try to understand others. So he has pretty strong barriers. They're pretty sociable but still have the heart of a loner☹. They really love letting other people know they're different and possibly shocking them. They brag about their loved ones uwu. General kindness towards others. Can be willful. The need a certain amount of freedom, and are pretty independent, at least emotionally.

Mercury

Theo- gemini, air. Scattered, eclectic interests. They have a basic knowledge of a lot of things. Quick learners, take in a lot from their environments. Can become restless. They can be very logical (but his water definitely adds the emotion and intuition) Very adaptable, not very attached to their ideals. Smooth talkers, possible deceptive humor (like poking at someones weakness, but lightheartedly) Good communicators and decision makers.

Keeho- libra....this boy is all air wtf. These people irk me because if you take a stance they automatically take the opposite "so it's equal"

Anyway they strive for that equality and diplomacy. Very pleasing communicators. They might be focused on trying to sound smart they forget to listen to the other person😂 They're gentle and adapt to others comfort levels. They are always looking for compromise, they hate absolutes in opinion. Great mediators (wow great leader) They can get lost in indecision because they weigh the good and bad almost endlessly. HELP it's hard for them to give a compliment without adding something 😂BOY. They try to make everyone happy. They tend to need other people to make a decision....but when they give input this mf will probably choose the other option💆🏼‍♀️

Venus

Theo- taurus- I want to give this boy a hugggg😭

So they need to be comfy. They need dependability in their relationships. Can be possessive in love. They're very touchy in their affection. They do hate change but they are incredibly dependable. To win them over you need to show your loyalty and show how much they mean to you. They can take a while to warm up but that's just because they're a slow/ cautious earth sign. Dont push them, but get comfy with them, do cozy things together. " Harmony and peace are important factors in the art and music they are attracted to." They really said harmony💖

Keeho- virgo, earth. Not flirty👀👀 pffft ok. Tries to win someone over with devotion and showing them a ton of attention. Cautious, slowly makes his way into their heart. Sensitive and insecure in love😭 They need to know feelings are mutual before they make a move..... Can childishly tease their crush💆🏼‍♀️ But they have good intentions. They arent attracted to show offs, they like understated, unnoticed people. These people love quietly helping and doing the little things. You'll win them over if you recognize their efforts, they just want to be appreciated.

Mars

Theo- sagittarius, fire.

When they feel attacked or threatened they have the need to run and just go do something else. Then they come back. It's really go for these people to be physically active, they need a healthy outlet. Can be pretty scattered, they just do what they want to in that moment which can mean leaving a ton of projects unfinished. Optimistic, fun loving. Love a good debate, but with his gem mercury I highly doubt it would get as heated as with a less flexible sign (like me). Passionate, open-minded, but can be blunt. Lol they can be confusing because they go from fun loving to intense. They need space and freedom, probably not a ton cuz he is a cancer, but like freedom to express himself. They have grand and idealistic ideas.

Skip S*x mentions: ok so doesnt have a lot of patience for anything too complex. Loves to have fun and laugh. Lowkey selfish. Can be very direct but almost innocently? Not a fan of people playing hard to get. They dont care for anything to serious in the bedroom (idk this might not be so true with his other placements, but the emotions probably come right after.

Keeho- cap, earth: this boy is v interesting.

Lowkey energy LOL. Very determined. Very goal oriented and focused. They like to be on top of everything. They have a lot of self control. They like to be in control. Really reliable, great leader.

*Straightforward and simple. Will want to keep it v private. They like when they're with someone who's experienced and powerful.

Messy thoughts

Ok but keeho would love theos mercury because hes unlikely to have extreme opinions and they're both very adaptable, I can imagine them getting into any serious arguments at all. I know keeho would annoy me so much but theo is probably totally fine. K- want to go to A ot B for dinner? T- B,  K- ok but what if we go to A. T- ya that's fine. Like wow🤝

Earth venuses😭😭😭😭 they're actually perfect dont touch me. Needs dependability/ wins you over with dependability. Perfection. They both play the long game, slow burn. Keeho literally is attracted to wall flowers goodbye. Just say theo is your soulmate and leave. Keeho called theo his love for a reasonnnn also theo fr didnt say anything cuz yes we are each others love.

They both need their own space

Ok so I think theo would really appreciate keeho non-confrontational self because theos pretty sensitive 😭

It's really looking like theo is the type of person to get lost in their emotions and keeho could really help pull him out of that and help him just chill? Have fun?

Ok sooooo their moons are not the bestttt. Cuz scorp is super emotional and deep and aqua is like... detached. Their emotional selves are very different. But also they could be so intrigued by each other, like trying to understand wtf is going on in their heads.

Ok but theo can 100% see passed keehos emotional barriers and like See him. And I feel like keeho might not have ever felt that before and😭😭😭 idk they could be really really close.

Keeho sounds so sweet and perfect for theo. Always making sure hes comfy😭

(They really both said keep it simple in the bedroom. Like damn ok, keep being a perfect match)

[tallysgreatestfan]

3, 4, 5, 14?

3) are your ships usually more “problematic” or “unproblematic”?

Not really sure if necessarily more problematic, but definitely never the ones the larger fandom likes. Though, since I chose ships for feeling real, and real just often means complex, messy and sad, yeah, I would probably say problematic.

You see, if the story says two generic pretty people love each other deeper than anything and they end up together but they never bond and have nothing in common and their love is never shown it just does not work for me. But most of the fandom favorites are like this. 

Also I love enemies to lovers between women, (or well, well written and respectful enemies to lovers between women) so I naturally have some ships deemed problematic: CornRell, CastaWeaver

4) a ship you think is fairly healthy and unproblematic but the fandom has decided to hate?

Entrapdak. The only darker thing about them is that they are both villains, and maybe how ableist the writing for them is. They’re nothing but respectful and loving with each other, they understand each other, they would do anything for each other. Sure, Hordak is a bit grumpy with her sometimes and she shoves him with her hair a bit sometimes, but its really just that, being grumpy and a bit of shoving. There is literally nothing else, everything else is completely fabricated. And it’s so obvious that it’s fabricated.

I can understand not liking this ship, because both of them are weird people and they are weird looking, not everybody is into that. But the level of harassment... Even if it is not directly in the “argument”, it is quite visible just from the tone and “tint” of it that it comes from a revolting mix of ableism, biphobia, them not being super generic looking teenagers, this radfem believe that all men are evil and impure and all women are completely innocent and have to be protected, and just being butthurt that not everybody caters to the antis specific own interests and not everything is about them for one second.

5) a ship you like but can’t find content for because it’s a fanpol fave?

Delenn/Lennier (Babylon 5)

I mean there are quite some fics from a time where the fandom aparently was not as toxic, but I know only like four different art pieces or so. In the entire fandom. And its impossible to search the names or shipname without finding hate rants.

And yeah, Delenn and Lenniers relationship is not entirely healthy, with him being so loyal to her that he rather ruins his mental health than leaving her and her never clarifying how she feels about him and keeping him around and using him because she needs it so much but also pushing him away at the same time, and also the gentle femdom dynamic they have can lead to power imbalance... but it is not nearly enough to warrent the intense hate and harassment about that ship, and especially not for the reason the antis do it.

In canon, Lennier just isn’t this selfish Incel who does not care how Delenn feels and just wants her sexually at any cost (hell, I am pretty sure he is canonically demisexual or asexual). But there are just so many people ranting how he reminds them at their stalker and how he could not take no, and I was once literally threatened physical violence just because I like him.

Clear case of: Deep relationship between ship part A and other character threatens our oh so perfect OTP so we have to harass everybody who ships it.

There is a reason I don’t really participate in Babylon 5 fandom anymore, only upload art sporadically but never more.

14) favorite “unproblematic” ship?

The tragedy. The AI themes. The contrast in their personalities

Sadly there seem to be a hell lot of biphobes and ableists shipping it, so I don’t feel comfortable anymore creating content for it, because I fear to cater to them.

[uncloseted]

I wish people weren’t so black & white in their view of skins. Yes teenagers do go through these issues and it needs representation but you can acknowledge that and also see the show does glamorise some aspects of serious topics. (Drug abuse, eating disorders) it’s kind of evident in people’s anonymous confessions that I see a lot. People seem to wish they were more like Effy/Cassie or feel like they missed out if they haven’t had drug filled teenhoods. The Cassie ones are sad because a lot of people seem to echo the statement that Cassie worsened their ED’a or encouraged it because they wanted to be like her.

So I think there's kind of a larger question in here that a lot of media has been struggling with recently- should media portray life as it is, or as it should be, and what should media do to protect those who may be vulnerable?

It might not be obvious to people who are newer fans of Skins, but Skins was incredibly groundbreaking and controversial when it came out. Up until then, shows that dealt with "teen issues" were basically like Degrassi; ones where "real life problems" were discussed, but the "bad thing" the character did was always punished, and there was always a lecture about why the Bad Thing was Bad and they shouldn't do it ever again. That rang hollow to a lot of people who had seen the people around them do Bad Things without any serious consequences. So when Skins came out and started showing things as they are (albeit in a heightened kind of way), it was huge. I don't think they knew what would happen, or really had any guidelines for what "safe depiction of dangerous activities" might be. They were trying to tell stories that were authentic to the teenagers they knew, and all the writing was informed by actual teenagers' experiences. I bring this up because in retrospect, I think it's very easy to say that they should have known better. But there wasn't really any point of comparison for them to learn from. They were going into this blind, and I think one can make the argument that mistakes were made because of it.

Back to the original question I posed, I'm honestly not sure if there's a good answer. Maybe we need both Skins and Degrassi, to show the ways in which things arguably should be (a person tries drugs, immediately gets in trouble, never does them again), and the ways things actually are (sometimes people try drugs, use them in party settings, and nothing particularly bad happens), to provide a balanced look at the issue. Maybe we should be trying to mimic real-life statistics as much as possible in our representation. We certainly need to be thoughtful about which stories are being told and which are being left out of the conversation, which in a weird way, brings me to my next point.

Eating disorders are an especially complicated thing to show on screen. By and large, media representation of people with eating disorders is a Thin, Pretty White Girl who just doesn't eat. Usually at some point, someone will tell them that Not Eating is Bad, or they'll faint, and then they'll recover and it's never talked about again.

Cassie was groundbreaking, because she was a Thin, Pretty White Girl who just didn't eat, but she talked about how she got out of eating, was shown putting weights in her pants to pass a weigh-in, and was hospitalized for her eating disorder (although we never really saw what that was like for her). Instead of telling her Not Eating is Bad, Allen told her You Want to Eat, Actually, and even after that, she struggled with her eating disorder before eventually recovering (I guess??) and then never talking about it again. There's not actually a huge difference between Cassie's portrayal of anorexia and the "very special episode" portrayal of anorexia that we were used to before that. But she was (and still is) controversial, because her portrayal shows some of the (less graphic) ins and outs of what life is actually like for someone struggling with an eating disorder.

My issue with the approach the Skins writers took with Cassie is that it's simultaneously too much and too little. It shows just enough of her life that some people tore it down for being an "instruction manual on how to have anorexia" (which, 🙄, in my opinion), but it didn't show enough of the grossness of the reality of actually having an eating disorder, which would help people to better understand what having an eating disorder actually looks and feels like. Other eating disorders, like bulimia, almost never get shown on TV, because there's not as pretty to show, and I think that's a real problem. We also rarely see men with eating disorders, or fat people with eating disorders (or even average weight people with eating disorders), or people of color with eating disorders, or LGBT people with eating disorders, which reinforces this idea that eating disorders are just anorexia, and anorexia is a Vain Straight White Girl Problem.

The reason I find the concern around Cassie's character a bit eye-rolly is that I think it's not an honest depiction of what's actually happening. I do absolutely believe that Cassie's character acted as a trigger for some people with eating disorders, but I think that's the key- some people with eating disorders. Cassie's character wasn't inspiring anorexia in perfectly mentally healthy teenagers as some sort of social contagion; she was impacting people who were already struggling.

And that's where this becomes complicated, because some people with eating disorders will purposely and compulsively seek out triggering material in order to further their disorder. I don't think removing Cassie from the equation would have actually made a difference in that regard, because triggering material is easily accessible and literally everywhere. I think the argument can be made that Skins should have added a trigger warning to episodes where Cassie is explicit about her disorder eating habits (and I do think they should have), but I think on the whole, she created more good than she did harm. She helped people who don't struggle with eating disorders to understand some of the internal logic of the disorder and to see what it's like to actually live with, and she helped people who do struggle see themselves represented in a way that they hadn't been before.

I guess I just think that instead of wringing our hands about what we can and can't show on TV, we'd be better served by adding warnings so that people can avoid potentially triggering content (and so that, in turn, that content can be more honest in its discussion of eating disorders), and providing support for people who are struggling so that they can recover. We should make it mandatory that any image that has been retouched must acknowledge it, and we should show more diverse body types in media and in advertising. But it's easier to wring out hands in a "what about the impressionable children" kind of way than it is to make systemic change to support people who are predisposed to mental illness. Instagram influencers are a much bigger culprit in shaping body image issues than Cassie ever could have been.

I feel kind of similarly about the drug usage of the Skins kids. Should Skins have shown teenagers doing illegal drugs at parties? Probably not. It did definitely make doing drugs look cool and fun. Did Skins need to show that kind of thing for realism, or to get its target demographic to tune in? Maybe. At the end of the day, I think teenagers would be (and are) doing illegal drugs with or without Skins' influence. It's not like we saw a giant spike in teenage drug usage from 2007-2012 that immediately disappeared after episode 10 of series 6 aired. Art imitates life and life imitates art. To me, the bigger questions here are, "what other factors (home life, peer pressure, curiosity, a need for novelty, anxiety, depression, etc) are leading teenagers to want to do drugs?", "if teenagers are going to do drugs, how can we make sure that they do drugs in the safest way possible," and "how do we help teenagers who struggle with addiction recover in an evidence-based way?"

I'm not trying to say that media plays no role in people's life choices and perceptions. We know that it absolutely does. But I think Skins as an individual TV show has a tiny, tiny impact, even if it's your favorite show and you watch it constantly, when compared to all the other factors that contribute to eating disorders and drug use. We absolutely need to be thoughtful about how we tell these stories, and we have to make sure that they're tailored to the audience who's watching them. But we also need to be thoughtful about our media consumption as a whole- which stories are being reinforced over and over again, which stories are entirely missing from the narrative, and which forms of media we're being exposed to all day, every day. We need to be thoughtful about the way we talk about and teach about difficult issues in our day to day lives. We need to have comprehensive support systems for people who are struggling. Those types of actions will do much more than taking even the most graphic portrayals of drug use or eating disorders off the air ever would.

[bookofmirth]

everyones entitled to their opinion but the amount of people who have been saying how “confusing” az’s chapter is and how sjm’s a bad writer for writing it that way honestly annoys me? you said you felt vindication when you read it and tbh, same, it confirmed everything i thought since acowar and made perfect sense with what we know of az as a character - that he’s deeply traumatized and incapable of creating and maintaining healthy relationships (as of rn). but beyond that, i dont see how it was unclear in the terms of which ships will be endgame?? before that chapter i was still uncertain and thought it could go either way (tho i was leaning to elucien bc of the already existing bond), and now im pretty certain its not gonna be elr*el in the long term. idk, i just feel like a part of fandom has built their own vision of the characters and future events that isn’t supported by text and now that theyre disappointed it isnt canon, they blame sjm for it? i really dont think it was a confusing chapter at all, i thought her intentions were perfectly clear with the types of tropes she used, i dont think its fair to say it was badly written just bc it didnt support their fanon ideas that was built more on headcanons than actual textual evidence... idk if i sound mean lol but just my 2 cents, obviously it doesnt go for everyone i feel like a certain part of fandom has a certain version of characters in their heads that they consider as canon bc they want to see them that way, but they aren’t really the same as the actual characters we’re presented in their story

Anon, I am going CRAZY over here.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I take on some arguments and others I don’t, and it basically comes down to 1) what is supported in the text, 2) people’s very wild interpretations of the text, and 3) people confusing their interpretation, fanon, what have you, with canon. 

I actually make my students read this article before they respond to a text because it’s super important to understand what, exactly, they (and we) are responding to. It’s nothing to do with literary criticism, but it still has bearings here because people are taking lines of text and imposing these wildly different meanings that have zero support. Like I mentioned in this post, we cannot say why Elain’s face gets tight or she shrinks from Lucien. There is literally no evidence one way or another, so I could that she like....... has a bad problem with farting when he’s around and is embarrassed. And who’s to stop me????

And you’re right, the problem here is that they think they are responding to canon, when actually it’s this wild interpretation of canon that began before acowar even came out, for the sole purpose of furthering hate on Mor. It had nothing to do with actually, genuinely liking it. But it’s grown into this monstrosity we see today and yeah... people are literally making posts where their “evidence” is two people being a room together and noticing that fact = endgame super romantic ship.

And that’s totally different from actually acknowledging the bare minimum of evidence, and saying “fingers crossed I hope it happens because I love it!!” That would be fine. I literally do not care if people do that. I do care when they willfully misinterpret what’s on the page and try to act like 1) they have found facts, and 2) they pretend like that “fact” should have any bearing on what other people ship. 

So, re: Az. 

I literally made this argument four years ago lol and if you read it real quick you can see that that ship came about (in January 2017) not because of all this “evidence” people found in acowar, which didn’t exist yet for us, but before that for other fandom, fanon reasons. 

And since acowar came out, I’ve pretty much avoided talking about Az because I know that somehow, the fact that he’s dark and twisty is.... controversial??? Yeah, I compared him to Tamlin and I still hold to that (I saw a vagueblog about my idea and I still think that comparison is accurate, but anyway). But people just? Don’t want to hear anything like that about Az. Even though that’s literally what we are given.

There is nothing wrong with saying that he’s dark af. In fact, all of the evidence we have from the book is that he is not only dark, but that he is increasingly  losing control. There was the blowup in acowar, and the increased disrespect of Rhys (and Feyre) in acosf, refusal to take orders from someone he is supposedly so loyal to. Even back in acomaf there were multiple signs that Mor was concerned about bruising his ego (literally the first thing that Mor says about Az is that he would want to know something, I’m not going to look it up but the implication was that he would be upset if he didn’t know).

From acosf:

Az had a vicious competitive streak. It wasn’t boastful and arrogant, the way Cassian himself knew he himself was prone to be, or possessive and terrifying like Amren’s. No, it was quiet and cruel and utterly lethal. (pg. 254)

“He’d tortured it out of someone. Of many people.” (pg. 224)

“Some silent conversation passed between him and his mate, and Cassian knew Rhys was asking about the torture - apologizing for making Feyre witness even the ten minutes Azriel had worked. (pg. i lost my place idk)

“Opening movements in a symphony of pain that Azriel could conduct with brutal efficiency. (pg. 375)

So asdkhasldkjasda if only we could STOP saying that Az is actually a dark soft boi and just acknowledge that he’s fucked up and that him being with ANYONE at this point would potentially be harmful to that person, be it Elain or Gwyn or whoever? That chapter did NOTHING but continue a line of character development that had already been in place, and I get the need to romanticize dark boys, but idk, don’t pretend he’s something he’s not.

[thejustmaiden]

Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you! 

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal? 

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives. 

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though! 

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village��� point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.  

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below. 

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be. 

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not.  And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly! 

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them. 

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans’ sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point. 

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones? 

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh. 

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough. 

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends? 

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation. 

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please. 

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”  

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will. 

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!   

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone! 

[havenmentalhc]

Marriage Counseling

Marriage is something that takes work. It’s been said time and time again. Still, a few years in (or maybe a few months) and you might already be thinking, “I knew this wasn’t going to be easy…but does it have to be this hard?” The person you had felt so strongly about is now apathetic and seems unwilling to meet your needs. The easy communication and laughter left some time ago and you do not know how to get it back. You may be the partner who thinks nothing is wrong but your significant other is seemingly impossible to keep happy and you are tired of trying to make them so.

Years of negative experiences, suppressed emotions, unresolved disputes and unspoken resentments can make speaking a simple sentence to one another an anxiety provoking endeavor. With other couples, it’s the silence. Cellphones and TVs are consistently siphoning time and attention away from real life and from your partner’s bids for attention. What signals for intimacy and connection are literally zinging over your head or never sent, lost to the latest WhatsApp or news story? Perhaps you are both using technology as a means to escape from one another without having to leave the room? One of the most devastating experiences we see amongst couple’s is feeling lonely despite being in a relationship.

If may feel like there is a need to place blame on the other. The lack of acknowledgement, the unmet needs and the feeling of not being enough can be frustrating. You may want to shut down as the arguments feel overwhelming and eventually, disconnect emotionally. This process of shutting down is called flooding and is a natural instinct the body has to protect itself. If you have been experiencing this in your relationship, you are not alone. The therapists at HavenMHC can provide you with the information and resources you need to rebuild the bridge between your world and your partner’s world.

Almost all couples are bound to go through periods of distress and distance. When the initial newness of the relationship begins to fade, couples often find that they become stuck in patterns of miscommunication, which may over time build resentment. Overtime, as you grow, interact and change, the friendship you had changes. Our process in couple’s work allows us to assist you in reestablishing these connections. Just like we use Google maps for navigating the physical world, love maps allow partners to get a vision of each other’s worlds which makes it easier to navigate and understand one another. We work on building rituals to create shared meaning, admiration and fondness. We also work on rekindling the passion and intimacy you may be missing once the newness of the relationship begins to fade. As the renowned marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman says, every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.

By virtue of being human, we all come into our adult relationship with a history of hurt and possible emotional injury. There are certain types of communication patterns and expressions of love that we lean towards, which may or may not be the best fit when engaging with our partners. As a result, couples can find themselves unknowingly stuck in a miscommunication loop which, in turn may cause either or both partners to feel unheard, invalidated, and hurt. The outcome is often that both partners feel lonely despite being in a relationship. By exploring the various ways you and your partner give and receive love, you can make all the difference required to go from feeling lonely to feeling fulfilled. In our sessions together, we will help you explore the different ways of receiving and giving love, identifying triggers and being present in your relationship.

When breakdowns in communication goes from being periodic to chronic, it can create a sense of hopelessness that many of the couples who come in for therapy are feeling. According to research done by Dr. John Gottman, the average couple waits 6 years before getting help for marital problems. Don’t let that be you!

At Haven Mental Health Counseling, our passion is to see couples succeed in their relationship whether they are embarking on their journey or have been together for decades and need help refocusing their relationship. We offer both premarital and marriage counseling. in which we address issues surrounding communication, intimacy, parenting, in-laws, and finances, to name a few. Our therapists are trained in both the Gottman Method and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) which are renowned for their efficacy in improving marital satisfaction with little evidence of relapse.

Confessions from couples such as “I just want him to understand me.” Or “I just need her support” are heard and understood. Here at HMHC we want to help bring an end to any and all defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. No more walking on eggshells or just going through the motions. Real intimacy and vulnerability can be fostered with the help of a neutral third party that can expertly help you navigate through your relational pitfalls and back to feeling safe with one another once more. Together we will identify toxic relational patterns and create new ones. You will be shown a new language for resolving conflict with compassion and respect which will help rebuild the fractured lines of communication. You will get insight into your partner’s perspective and learn how to advocate for your own without alienating them. Both of you will begin to build trust as you see the work being invested into yourselves and your relationship as a unit.

All good things in life require intentional effort, and a healthy marriage is no exception. Love is more than a feeling. Love is a choice. If you are at a loss of how to get across to your spouse, choose to do something about it today rather than wait and see if things will get worse. If you feel like your relationship is off to a rocky start, has lost its passion, or that you and your spouse are stuck in a cycle of negativity- don’t give up, pick up the phone and contact us instead and let’s get to work!

[spelviin]

this has been sitting in my drafts for at least like a month because i basically just wanted to get my bonkers far-fetched theory out in writing somewhere and i never really intended to publish it BUT 

henry’s dad fact this week just made me kinda think at least some of it might have legs sooooo

my long-ass, incredibly unlikely Oak Theory under the cut

tl;dr

okay, so. 1939. one hildy russett makes the great decision to give her full-ass, real-ass name to the heart’s greatest desire casting director, aka full fledged (and likely high-ranking) member of the cult of the doodler

then proceeds to be used as a blood sacrifice in doodler summoning ritual 

ritual is kind of??? successful, but then stud convinces it to peace the fuck back to wherever it came from, the mystery box vanishes, the end

or is it????????

like, a cult that almost successfully summoned a chaos entity isn’t just gonna give up after one failure. fuck no. they’re gonna try again. which is where the facts get dicey, and my theory kicks in.

so the remnants of the doodler cult are disheartened by their near miss in tennessee, but they regroup and try to figure things out

the casting director recalls the name of the blood sacrifice, and the cult does some digging on her, until they find a scandalous secret in her recent past

a child, born out of wedlock, either given to an orphanage or being brought up by distant relatives or whatever. a child who is now connected somehow to the doodler by way of blood sacrifice magic or... something idk. told you this was dicey. 

anyway the doodler cult needs that baby for a future ritual. so the doodler cult gets that baby, either by adoption or more, shall we say, nefarious methods

they give the baby an alias, a new name. a powerful name. a name referenced several times in the script JJ abrams wrote when he was chanelling the doodler.  

oaks growin’ tall. oak ridge, tennessee. barry fuckin oak. 

doodler cult raises the baby in secret as one of their own, hoping to use his blood (aka hildy’s blood, aka possibly the blood of the unsung hero???) to take another shot at a summoning ritual

except as it turns out, barry can’t fuckin do shit, because he sucks of magic reasons idk

sooooo, what are we gonna do? give up? fuck no! we’re gonna get another fuckin descendant who can do it!

barry strikes out on his own, using the nascent hippie free-love movement in the 1960s to start up a commune that basically functions as its own branch of the doodler cult and tries to churn out a descendant with that eldritch x-factor

this is where our favourite nastyboy comes in 

henry grows up in the cult commune, raised from birth to succeed where his father failed

when he’s old enough, barry tells henry the truth of their mission, his birthright, and the important role he has to play in creating this new world. 

henry, being the sweet dude he is, is absolutely appalled by this. of course he’s not gonna bring about the end of the world, that’s so messed up!

they have a huge fight, and henry loses control. not in the way we’ve seen, but in a biiiiiig fuckin way. he gives into the chaos of his anger, and just blows. the fuck. up.

maybe he injures ppl with that eldritch energy he didn’t even know he had. maybe he injures barry, maybe even actually kills him. who knows? 

certainly not henry, because the trauma of it all is too much and between that and the Forbidden Eldritch Knowledge coursing through him his mind just shuts the fuck down 

he blacks out completely and wakes up naked in a forest weeks later, and we know the rest from there. mercedes finds him, they get married, have two beautiful boys who somehow inherently know the name and face of an eldritch abomination, and the rest is history

henry lives for the next 15 years as a normal, nerdy geologist dad. his mind literally can’t process the horror of his upbringing or the guilt of what went down after the argument with his father, so he packs that shit up tight behind a triple-locked door in his mind, rationalizes the extended blackout that lead him to his now-wife as nothing more than a bad trip, and moves on with his life. 

he raises his kids as best he can, without the stringent boundaries his overbearing father placed on him (or any at all) and, above all, refuses to ever express anger for fear of giving into the chaos and losing himself like he did before. 

which, i mean, kind of works??? except he basically ruins his kids in his attempt to protect them and sends himself down a toxic cycle of suppressing his feelings that just makes everything worse in the long run so i mean. not the best of strategies. 

anyways, that’s the background theory. in terms of what comes next, here’s what we know now:

barry seems stoked that henry’s brain door is starting to open and he’s “remembering who he is”

he also offered henry the chance to abscond with the twins, probably trying to use their powers for his own gain (bc as we know, the twins have magic too as confirmed by boreanaz and, in this ep, chekhov’s snake)

erin said that at least one of the anchor trails seemed to lead to a commune

barry’s in a place called oakdale or oakvale or something along those lines (similar to oak ridge, perhaps???) so by the sound of it, it’s possible he’s back to his old commune/cult-establishing tricks

also, interestingly, the only time willy has shown actual fear is when henry started to open the brain door and access more of his powers, which indicates he might have some idea of what’s going on there and it freaks him the fuck out 

also also, barry’s super fucking scared of willy

basically, i think barry wants to use henry and the twins in another summoning ritual with the help of his new commune/cult buddies, in order to a) succeed where he believes his mother failed in summoning the doodler and ushering in a new world, and b) use that eldritch power to get the upper hand in some sort of coup against willy.

i also think there’s some sort of link between henry’s powers and his anger (something to do with loss of control = chaos or smth like that? although that seems a bit toxic so maybe he just subconsciously believes there’s a link), and that he’s going to have to learn how to express both in a healthy way rather than, y’know. bottling it all up until he’s basically and incredible volatile molotov cocktail of dangerous eldritch energy they way he’s been doing it so far. 

...yeah that kind of petered out at the end there, but honestly it’s because i’ve put so much thought into possible backstory i have no fuckin idea what’s gonna come next. 

but honestly whatever it is, even when i inevitably end up being 1000% wrong about all of this, i’m stoked to find out

[addictivegerard]

why the prolife argument makes no sense

I think it’s hilarious how right wing “facts don’t care about your feelings” activists are almost always pro-life. The argument against abortion as an accessible form of birth control is 100% an emotional appeal, and here’s why:

1. “You have no right to kill your fetus. It’s not your body, the baby is an individual and has the right to life.”: 

Of course, all embryos are human individuals, separate from their mothers. They have their own unique DNA composition, and are definitely alive. But do they deserve the right to life, which would make abortion equivalent to murder?

Pro-lifers are largely okay with IVF, an industry that throws away and destroys millions of fertilized embryos every day. In-vitro fertilization is an uncertain science, so couples are advised to fertilize multiple eggs in the labs in case the first few don’t work out. If a couple succeeds and have extra embryos left, they have the option to continue paying to store them in the lab, donate them to medical research, or destroy them. 

Anti-abortion bills always have exceptions for IVF clinics. Republican, pro-life lawmakers have literally had children via IVF. If a pro-lifer ever tells you that life begins at conception and that every embryo has the right to life, know that it’s bullshit. They don’t care about an industry that kills more embryos in a day than Planned Parenthood does in a year.

2. There are two possible responses to this.

A) “Fine, let’s ban IVF.” Out of all the conservative groups in America, only one major group explicitly stands against IVF – the Catholic Church. The same organization that condemns sex before marriage, homosexuality, divorce, masturbation/porn, the use of condoms, getting drunk or high, and tattoos. At this point, I’m assuming you understand that the Church’s ideas of morality are regressive, illogical, primitive, and… make life extremely boring. IVF is a wonderful science that brings children to parents who want them all over the world and is in no way a bad thing.

B) “Fine. Maybe not at conception, but at [x] months, it’s a baby.” This is the point where most conservatives start arguing about the point up till you should be allowed to have an abortion. Two weeks? Six weeks? Three months? Unfortunately, there is no scientific way to determine when an embryo is no longer just a clump of cells and now a human being with rights.

Since pro-lifers are okay with IVF, we can assume they don’t believe in the right to life at conception. How about the heartbeat theory? At six weeks, the fetus develops a heartbeat, and proponents argue that it is the point at which the fetus is no longer simply a fetus, but a human being. However, having a heartbeat doesn’t necessarily mean you have the right to life.

Legally, if you are brain dead, you’re… dead. You no longer have the right to life, which is why organ donation is possible. All this while having a heartbeat, so that’s clearly not a viable hallmark of an individual that inherently has the right to life. So while it's true that at six weeks a baby develops (what is flimsily termed as) a heartbeat, that doesn't somehow give it rights to life that it did not have before. So far, I haven’t come across any other sensible theories as to “when” an embryo deserves the right to life. It’s a lousy concept to begin with, as blurry as the legal definition of adulthood – not all 18+ year olds are mature and nothing fundamentally changes in a person once the clock strikes midnight. Similarly, embryo development is a process. There’s really no point at which you can logically claim it’s transformed into a human being with rights.

3. Evidently, there are two extremes — life begins at conception, vs life doesn’t begin until birth. 

There’s no “scientific backing” for a point in between, but you’ll never find a pro-choice advocate arguing in favor of the latter, because it’s called an extreme for a reason. The best way to deal with the abortion issue at this point is to leave the science and technicalities alone, and think about the people who are actually getting abortions.

4. “Use protection and you won’t get pregnant”: 

Protection is never 100% reliable. Plus: if two people are irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex, what makes you think they’re responsible enough to have and raise children? The number of children growing up with unqualified, immature, abusive, or neglectful parents automatically disproves the theory that parenthood brings about a sense of personal responsibility. Being raised by bad parents inflicts often irreparable damage on children. Treating babies as some sort of “divine punishment” for irresponsible sex, instead of human beings who deserve a stable upbringing, is harmful on both an individual and collective scale. The data on irresponsible, neglectful, or abusive childhoods/single parent childhoods speaks for itself. In the quest to punish irresponsible parents, most of the damage is inflicted on their children, which in turn impacts the generation that will lead us forward into the future. It is in our best interests to raise as many mature, healthy, and productive young adults as possible, and while not every child born into these circumstances live lives of mental health/psychological/intimacy issues and criminal behavior, a large majority do. Growing up with bad parents is simply not ideal for an impressionable child’s wellbeing. Quality of life > quantity of life.

5. “Don’t have sex if you don’t want to have children.”:

Unhelpful, unrealistic, and telling of no real desire to solve the problem at hand. Telling people not to have sex unless they deliberately intend to have children is like telling people not to smoke, drink too much, or eat unhealthily. People will have sex. What are we going to do to make sure the sex doesn’t lead to unplanned pregnancies?

6. “Okay but what about xyz who had an abortion and has regretted it ever since?”: 

Abortion is a result of unplanned and unfortunate circumstances. Whether it’s because the doctor tells you your baby will be stillborn or born with a fatal illness, or if you were raped, or if you had sex with your boyfriend during your first year of college and found yourself pregnant: these are bad situations, and no matter what you do, there’s always a chance you’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently. Kept the baby? Well, maybe you’ll find that the baby brought newfound purpose to your life. But maybe the baby added an additional financial strain to your life and forced you to quit your job, leaving you destitute and homeless with no way to feed it. Alternatively, if you got an abortion, maybe you end up being able to finish college and fulfil all your goals... or maybe you regret that decision for the rest of your life. There’s no way to guarantee that you’re making the right decision, but being informed about your options, and having options available, makes it more likely that you do. That’s why we are advocating for informed choice. Whether they eventually choose to keep the baby or have an abortion, give women the time and resources to truly evaluate their options and do what’s best for them in their own circumstances.

7. “Why kill the baby? Put it up for adoption.”: 

The adoption system is known for being isolating, exploitative, and unhealthy for children growing up in it. Being adopted into a great family can create healthy, happy young adults. But far too many kids don’t get that opportunity, and pay the price for it. In 2019, 122,216 children in the US adoption system were waiting to be adopted. Young people who age-out of the foster care system without being adopted are over-represented in rates of incarceration, suicide and substance abuse.

Granted, for some kids it’s a better alternative to the families they would have grew up in, but again: it’s an unideal situation. An unideal situation that can very easily be avoided with abortion. Why would a person choose 9 months of labor, plus all the emotional labor of having to give your child away to a system that more likely than not will eat them alive, knowing they will grow up asking themselves why they weren’t good enough for their birth parents, when the person could… simply not have that baby and not invite all that pain?

8. “It doesn’t matter, no one has the right to take another life.”:

Here’s another way of looking at the abortion question: the fetus is in a position where its existence impinges on its mother’s bodily integrity, and it stays in that position until the point of viability (at which it could plausibly survive outside the mother’s body) at about 24 weeks. One person’s bodily integrity will always override another person’s right to life; this is a fundamental truth. Otherwise, we would have mandatory kidney and liver donations. People all over the world are dying due to a lack of kidneys or other organs - why should we be allowed to keep both of ours when one of them could save someone’s life? 

Let’s say I caused a car accident that resulted in someone needing a kidney donation. It’s my fault they’re in that position, and I was negligent - should I be legally obligated to give mine up?

If the idea of being forced to donate one of your kidneys sounds violating, you’re closer to understanding why forcing someone to have a baby is such a barbaric thing to do. Even if the risk is small - kidney donations have a death rate of about 0.03% while childbirth is at 0.02% in the US - it’s still wrong to force something so invasive and risky onto someone against their will. Additionally, there are many complications that can arise from pregnancy short of death, just like there can be consequences to living your life with only one kidney down the line.

To summarize:

It is definitively not in anyone’s best interests to force unwilling and unprepared parents to have an unwanted child. It’s also not a good idea to get too deep into the technicalities of when an embryo is a fetus or when you’re allowed or not allowed to abort it. We need to focus on the women who are actually getting abortions. Having a baby is a huge life adjustment. Keep it, and you’re taking on an 18-year responsibility. You are responsible for another person’s wellbeing, and your life will never be the same. 

In three months (about 12 weeks), a potential mother can: find out that they’re pregnant (missing periods is extremely common. A lot of women only find out they’re pregnant at two months, or 8 weeks), think about their financial, professional, social, romantic, or whatever situation and figure out what would be the best course of action, and then actually get the abortion if she chooses to. 12 weeks is enough, 12 weeks is reasonable, 12 weeks is humane. Nobody wants third-trimester abortions unless there are serious, life threatening complications.

The pro-life argument is reduced down to: well, abortion is bad! That's a little innocent baby. It didn't hurt anyone. Well, we agree: abortion is bad. It’s not a good thing, it’s not something people want to have to do. Nobody looks forward to giving or receiving an abortion, it’s physically painful and often heart-breaking. But is it as bad as forcing a woman to go through hours of excruciating, potentially life-threatening labor for a child she doesn't even want to have? Is it as bad as enforcing serious health, financial, emotional, social, and professional risks on a woman who knows she is in no way ready to give a baby the life it deserves? Is it worse than having to drop out of school with no way to feed your child? Worse than having to give your baby away to an adoption center, where they’re likely to join the hundreds of thousands of unadopted children? There are evils, and then there are greater evils. Abortion may not be ideal, but for some people, it's the best option out there. When broken down, the pro-life argument is nothing but sad, provocative videos & descriptions of surgical abortions intended to pull at your heartstrings. But they’re sometimes the best option for the mother and her unborn baby. Nobody is pro-abortion — we’re pro-choice.

[mmelnmar]

The Kabbalah of Marriage

The Kabbalah of MarriageOne of the most frequently asked questions today is a personal one: How do I find and maintain a good relationship?

Love remains the most compelling and elusive issues of our time, and perhaps of all time.

How can I find a healthy, meaningful and above all, permanent relationship?

No adequate answer will be found to this question until we first understand what exactly a relationship is.

The word “relationship” means two things relating to one another. But what is the essence of a relationship? What makes a relationship work? What ingredients are necessary?

The secret of a relationship can be found in an unlikely place: The month in which we find ourselves now.

We have just entered the Hebrew month of Elul, the last month of the year. Every month has its own unique energy and power. Elul is the month of love and relationships. The sign of Elul is Virgo, and one of the acronyms of Elul is: Ani l’dodi v’dodi li, meaning “I am to my beloved, and my beloved is to me” (Song of Songs 6:3).

Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li captures the very essence of a relationship: It is mutually symbiotic fusion of two forces – I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me.

First there are two distinct personalities: “I” and “my beloved.” Then the “I” (my personality) takes the initiative and reaches to “my beloved.” In turn, “my beloved” responds “to me.”

Ani l’dodi v’dodi li emphasizes another vital aspect – that a relationship is a reflection: You and your beloved mirror each other. Like the face reflected in water, one heart [is reflected] in another (Proverbs 27:19). Love elicited is in direct proportion to love given. When “I am to my beloved” – “my beloved” will be “to me.” The same way that “I am to my beloved,” so will “my beloved” be “to me.”

Thinking of love as your reflection is quite extraordinary: Look into the eyes of your beloved and you will see yourself.

Finally, Elul’s Ani l’dodi v’dodi li teaches us that love is about initiating. First Ani L’dodi – I am to my beloved, and that is the catalyst for “my beloved to me.” Love is proactive, nor reactive or passive. If you want love in your life do not stand on the sidelines, “protecting” yourself from being hurt and wait for someone to love you. You must learn to give – to initiate, to love. And when you do – love comes back to you.

One powerful question, however, looms: How is it possible that two distinct entities should become one? Can they actually retain their distinct personalities and truly love each other? It’s one thing to say that for love we pay a price. The price is relinquishing independence and compromising your identity for the benefits that love brings. But it’s quite another to claim that love can be had without compromising individuality.

Yet, we are told that true love is unity, and true unity is the fusion of two souls in one seamless union, in which both remain intact while joining as one.

How that paradox is possible requires a journey into the mystery of Divine Unity (Hashem Echod), the theme of this column over the last few weeks.

The quest to discover Divine unity in a pluralistic universe is far thornier than the effort to build unity between finite creatures. After all, as different as two people may be, they still are both human, both mortal and finite, both with more similarities than differences, and both in need of love. G-d and the universe, on the other hand, are infinitely distant entities, that seemingly have nothing in common. Quite the contrary: they are diametric opposites: G-d is infinite, the universe is finite; G-d the invulnerable Creator, we the fragile creatures. Above all, our existential, dependent, existence is absolutely different than the Divine non-existential, independent, existence (metzius bilti metzius nimtza). How then is it possible to unite these opposite realities?

The entire study of Kabbalah and Chassidus – Jewish mysticism – comes to answer this very question; to teach us how humans can develop a relationship with G-d

The mystics lay out an elaborate system which allows us the ability to achieve Divine Unity (Hashem Echod) in the universe: Like “stepping stones” the process of creation, called the “cosmic order,” enables us to climb the ladder that marries heaven and earth, the human and the Divine – the finite and the infinite.

In an article titled The Kabbalah of Duality we discussed the first step in this process – the Tzimtzum concealment. In order for there to be a relationship we first need independence – an “I” who reaches to “my beloved.” In the presence of the Divine omnipresence no independent entity can arise. The Tzimtzum concealment allowed “room” for our independent consciousness to emerge.

However, the Tzimtzum is not “literal,” it is only a state of concealment, and it only affects the outermost layers of consciousness (light), not the higher states, and surely not on the unconscious level. [Yet, even the non-literal Tzitmzum is real, not an illusion, and the independent reality it creates is real, not just in our perception]. Hence, despite the concealment we always have the ability to connect and integrate our lives with the Divine light and the Divine Essence.

But the Tzimtzum only explains the possibility for potential integration, not how to actually achieve it. The non-literal Tzimtzum tells us that within existence we can find the Divine. But does existence itself have Divine properties?

To answer this question we need to dissect existence a bit. What exactly is existence?

Existence as we know it is comprised of various elements, but in its most basic form they break down into two forces: matter and energy. Every part of the universe, from the largest to the smallest, has a “body,” some form (physical or otherwise), and a “soul,” the inner power that defines the energy of the object. Matter is the “outer” layer and energy is its “inner” function and purpose.

Breaking it down further, both matter and energy are also each comprised of these two dimensions: The “body” of matter – its tangible properties, and the “energy” of matter – its shape, form and function: The “body” of energy – its definable personality, and the soul “energy” of energy – its deeper purpose.

Now the question is this: When we connect our lives to the Divine do we do so only on the spiritual (energy) level or also on the material (matter) level?

The argument could be made, as some schools of thought maintain, that the objective of life is to deny the material and transcend to the spiritual. Unity, then, is achieved exclusively on the soul level.

Even if we need to engage somewhat the material world, some suggest that at most we can channel the “function” of matter toward spiritual ends, but not the coarse matter itself.

At the other extreme, one could argue that even the spirit and energy of existence cannot be integrated with the Divine. At most the “energy” of energy can find some commonality with G-dliness, but not the “matter” of energy (its personality and form). A soul can unite with G-d only in a very general sense, but not with its distinct personality. Its must relinquish its individuality in order to become one with the Divine.

[All these viewpoints, mind you, are possible even according to the non-literal interpretation of the Tzimtzum, which only tells us that the Divine is present (albeit concealed) within existence, but does not inform us about the personality of existence, and thus, to what extent we can integrate the universe with the Divine. Let alone according to the literal interpretation of the Tzimtzum, according to which there is no direct relationship between our world and the reality of the Divine].

In the ultimate application of Divine unity, the mystics teach us – as emphasized in the works of the Chassidic masters – that the unity must permeate every fiber of existence, not just its spirit, not just its shape, form and function, not just in general terms. But every dimension of the universe – from energy to matter, from the matter of energy to the matter of matter – contains a Divine dimension that is waiting to be released.

They explain this with the elegant structure of the “cosmic order” comprised of “energies” (lights) and “containers,” which correspond with and are the root of the “energy” and “matter” of our universe.

By understanding the interplay between “light” and “container” and how each of them interact with their respective divine source, we can learn how to marry heaven and earth and integrate every aspect of our beings with higher purpose, ultimately with the Divine itself. The relationship between these forces teach us how to develop the relationship between our material bodies and souls, between our involvements in the physical worlds with our spiritual endeavors; we learn how to develop and expand our own material “containers” and fuse them with the “lights” of spirituality.

Beginning with the human soul shaped in the Divine Image, the mystics explain that the soul manifests and mirrors the Divine energy (light); each person’s soul is a reflection, a microcosm of G-d’s “personality.” And not just in a general sense, but the distinct personality of each soul is rooted in the distinct personality of the “lights,” which have defined properties (there are actually several opinions regarding the extent of these “light” properties, which reflect in different levels of the unity that can be achieved. But the final consensus is that the “lights” have individual properties, which allow our unique personalities to find divine expression).

Similarly, the spiritual forces within the material world can be aligned to their respective Divine roots, in all their glorious detail, rooted in the Divine light, the kav (thin ray of light) that pierced through the Tzimtzum, whose source is the light before the Tzimtzum, the Divine power to create the infinite (koach ha’bli-gvul).

That’s the soul. What about the body and the matter of the universe? The human body too was created in the Divine Image, and every aspect of matter is shaped by the “hand of G-d.” Not only “light” but also the “containers” reflect higher levels of the Divine. Not only the spirit but also the structure of existence is rooted in the Source with G-dlike features, which we have to reveal.

In mystical terms: The “containers” of existence are rooted in the Divine “containers” of Atzilut, which in turn are a reflection of the “containers” of Adam Kadmon, which originate from the (letters of the) reshimu, the residue that remained after but was unaffected by the Tzimtzum, rooted in the Divine power to create the finite (koach ha’gvul).

Now, when you take into account that “light” and “container” join together until they become one, we can begin to understand E=mc2 – how energy and matter are actually one and the same.

This, briefly, is the way the Kabbalists explain how the very fabric of existence (matter and energy) can be integrated with the Divine. It’s not just that the Divine Essence, which transcends all definitions and structures, enables the fusion of matter and spirit. That would imply that the fusion is solely a result of the Essence’s power, despite the limits of existence. The ultimate purpose is that the universe, on its own terms and by the standards of its own parameters, contains the Divine. That is ultimate unity – not simply on G-d’s terms, but also on the terms of existence. Such unity can only be achieved when we recognize that in the personality of existence glimmers of the Divine.

Discovering the Divine within the properties of our universe is the most magnificent effort we can undertake, transforming life into a majestic journey.

The ultimate manifestation of Divine unity is in human relationships – in the ways of love and marriage. The “lights” and “containers” that teach us how we can fuse our lives with the Divine, teach us how we can discover true unity, while maintaining our individuality in our interpersonal relationships.

A good analogy for this is music: The power and beauty of a melody is dependent on each note maintaining its “individuality” and playing its unique sound. Simultaneously, each note is completely fused with all the others, all complementing each other, without in any way compromising each ones’ distinct identity. The same synthesis – harmony out of diversity – can be witnessed in the symmetry of every healthy organism and system, from the human body to the extraordinary design of nature.

A true relationship is total fusion of two – “I am to my beloved and my beloved to me.” Two distinct individuals, with different bodies and different souls, join together, in one seamless union. Neither is compromised or diminished. A transcendent power enables the fusion; but it also manifests in the individual personalities: as they remain intact they also recognize on their own individual terms that love – “I am to my beloved and my beloved to me” – is the ultimate expression of individuality.

In this month of Elul we have the opportunity to create, mend and renew relationships. May we use the month well, and may we all be blessed with experiencing “I am to my beloved and my beloved to me.”

One fundamental question still remains: How can we achieve total fusion of “I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me” when the Divine Essence is a non-existential reality, completely different and beyond our existential existence? Given, we can unite with the Divine as it manifests in existence, but can we actually connect to the ultimate reality – the innermost essence of Divine reality, which we have absolutely no way of relating to?

[ruffiorocks]

LONG post in regards to whats being said about Lena.

Man, every time the CW post something about Supergirl on Instagram or Twitter people really lose their s**t for literally no reason.  

People saying that Lena is awful, they wouldn't watch a show with Lena in it, someone went as far to say they would rather die that watch a show with Lena in it??? OK.... Dramatic much? Yet here you are following the Supergirl page and knowing exactly what has been going on in the show because you use it for your arguments. Seriously sort your s**t out!

Also, I may get hate for this and I DO NOT CARE but im totally fine with Lena punching Kara in the face. Personally i think she’s asked for it. You can argue until the end of time that she doesn't deserve the punch for keeping her identity a secret, debatable BUT she absolutely deserves a punch in the face for being an arsehole to Lena and calling her a Luthor and then going to her best friends boyfriend and talking him into betraying her trust! Oh and then letting Lena vent to her about how this meant she would never trust Supergirl again, that was disturbing behavior, played off as an ‘oopsie’ moment. Personally Kara’s Jeckell and Hyde act with Lena has always been a bit disturbing to me, its not always funny. Just like in season 2 when she landed at L Corp with Superman and basically looked her nose down at Lena (re watch it). But a punch in the face is warranted. Punching someone in the face isnt akin to becoming evil!

Also why are people saying ‘I knew she would turn Evil!’ ‘Look what Lena is doing!’ erm... Lena hasnt actually done anything yet. A punch doesn't mean full on evil. Lena said she wants to inflict the same pain on Supergirl that she has caused her, now that’s interesting to me, because Kara hasn't actually inflicted any ‘physical’ pain on Lena and Lena even said she doesn't want to kill Supergirl. Now save for a much deserved punch in the face which looks like it takes place in a virtual world anyway, perhaps Lena is going to go down another route and inflict emotional pain on Kara just like Kara has inflicted it on her. Maybe this is why we saw BTS of Alex and Kara fighting, maybe this world is set up so Kara can experience everyone she loves betraying her in some way? The same way Lena feels she’s been betrayed? Im not saying that’s a healthy way to deal with things but the show would be boring if Lena was like ‘nah its cool’.Plus this is how Lena will see it, something she wouldn't be thinking if Kara had taken the time to explain things to her from the off set. to late now. 

Now i know what people will say ‘Kara has suffered so much and doesn't deserve more pain’ yeah... well Kara should have thought about that before inflicting pain on Lena who has also suffered enough pain in her life to. Kara having suffered doesn't mean she has a free pass to treat others poorly, who haven't actually done anything to hurt her or intended to hurt her at all. If Lena had been a nob and out to get her from day one then fair enough, but Lena has saved Kara’s ass/life many times and has never intended to hurt her, but s3 kara (who i wish i could forget) decided being an ass to Lena was OK. Yes Kara thought she was protecting Lena, but that excuse became null and void the moment she started revealing her identity to every Tom, Dick and Nia that she met! Kara is NOT a space puppy! Sure she has her cute adorkable moments but dont mix fan fic with reality. Kara is actually a very serious person who doesnt have all the answers, and doesn't always have a clear view of things. Remember it was Kara who basically told Jonn that there was no more alien hate anymore because SHE didnt receive it, the blonde haired, blue eyed hero of the city who looks human didnt receive hate so therefore it no longer existed. Now this isnt having a go at Kara, its to show that Kara isnt always right and doesn't always have a clear view of things.

Now, people are saying that Kara’s other friends didnt have a bad reaction to Kara admitting she was Supergirl so how dare Lena? OK, you guys are reaching pretty far now and you’re conveniently forgetting what has happened on the show because you’re too busy hating on Lena, so:

1. Winn didnt hate Kara the moment he learned she was Supergirl. OK, well first off, she wasnt really Supergirl yet, just an alien. Winn thought it was cool and wasnt upset she had lied to him? Well Kara keeping her identity from Winn didnt effect Winn in any way at all. There was no Luthor/Super history involved in Winn and Kara’s friendship.

2. James already knew, Clark took that decision away from Kara because he felt she needed a man to keep an eye on her. But this aside, James already knew Superman and was his best friend, he didnt ‘already’ know Kara. He knew who she was before she knew who he was! Again, him knowing her secret had no Luthor/Super implications.

3. Alex already knew and grew up with her. There was no ‘secret’ identity, she came to the Danvers as an alien and anyway Alex was NOT cool with her to begin with.

4. Mon El was also an alien, he wasnt a massive fan of Kara anymore than she was a fan of him. In fact Kara was the ass to Mon El rather than the other way around. It was Kara who referred to him as a ‘Daxamite’ more than once. Now, you could say they did have a history like the Luthor/Super one. Only it was Kryptonian/Daxamite, but the difference is Kara immediately told Mon El who she was, there was no pretending to be an alien from somewhere else or someone entirely different like she did with Lena. Kara knew Mon El was a Daxamite because of the beacon he sent, he didnt deny being one either. No his lie was being the Prince because he knew Kara would NOT have been OK with that. So he got involved with Kara whilst pretending to be something he wasn't. I seem to remember Kara being pretty miffed when she found out he was actually the Prince, only the end of the world was happening and she didnt really get a chance to deal with those feelings because she had to send him away. But later when he came back Kara had had time to process her thoughts on him, but she still told him EXACTLY what she thought of him. Mon El deceived Kara so he could pursue a relationship with her, Kara deceived Lena so she could pursue a friendship with her. Kara and Lena should have a choice in these scenarios because the respective ‘secret identities’ would have made them take pause. 

5. Jonn. already knew, nothing to argue here. 

6. Nia, Kara told Nia in a moment of solidarity because she to had ‘lost’ her sister, and apparently this was an OK reason to tell the girl you knew for 5 minutes who you are. Do you know who else had ‘lost’ a sibling and Kara has had many a solidarity moment with and who has saved her ass more than once and who she has known for longer than five minutes??? oh yeah LENA!! Anyway.... again, Nia had no reason to be miffed at Kara, she hasnt spent 3 years lying to her or pretending to be someone she wasnt and not fully trusting her. No Luthor/Super family drama or anything. 

7. The Legion already knew

8. Cat, Cat was Kara’s mentor and although Kara absolutely lied and deceived Cat, she NEVER treated her crap (save for the red K thing) like Kara did to Lena. Plus once again no Luthor/Super drama. Plus she wasnt Kara's best friend. 

Lena is completely different, have a think about what would be going through Lena’s head. ‘Supergirl’ suddenly turns up at her office the moment she arrives in National City in disguise? Supergirl using this secret identity keeps coming back to Lena, using Lena to track down Roulette, to try and get info from her about her mother. Lena mean while keeps saving the lives of the aliens of National City (including Supergirl). Mon El leaves and Kara suddenly cuts Lena from her life until she once again needs her for something? Come season 3 and ‘Supergirl’ suddenly turns on her? All for having a substance she wasn't using to hurt her but to protect her friend Sam? Supergirl calls her a ‘Luthor’ and gets pissed at her for GIVING her the Kryptonite? Supergirl starts telling Lena what to do as though she can? Supergirl then uses Lena’s boyfriend to spy on her? Then suddenly  Kara is back and being her best friend again listening to all her vent about Supergirl? Lena goes out of her way to make sure Argo City survives and Supergirl is still later an ass to her because she decided to work with the substance SHE created because Supergirl doesn't approve? Supergirl is an ass to her when they are with Alex and its Alex who puts her in place, but Kara is still coming back to her as her bestie? Kara Joins her in trying to track down Lex and even lets Lena think that she’s been blown up? Lena then has the pleasure of being told by Lex of all people that Kara has been lying since day one and he even has footage?? Lena’s new ‘family’ all knew except for her, doesn't say much for Kara’s trust in Lena. If she hadnt already dumped James’ ass i hope she would now! She would probably be thinking ‘why did James pursue me? Was he sent told to keep an eye on me? Was Kara just sent by Superman to watch me? Did the gang befriend me for the same reason? Keep the Luthor close? This woman has been betrayed and deceived her whole life, not second guessing any of this would be the bizarre thing. 

But anyway, i agree that both Kara and Lena are right to feel the way they do. But i am more on Lena’s side. I get Kara’s reasoning up to a point, to begin with she wanted to protect Lena., but then she should never have become so involved with her if she truly wanted to keep her safe. Her reasons become null and void when she tells people she’s known for 5 minutes who she is without thought to their safety (Nia). She made the decision to be an arsehole to Lena and then use Lena’s relationships against her and called her the only thing she knew would hurt Lena the most. She then kept saying she wanted to tell Lena but allowed others (Mon El, Alex) to keep her from doing so to the point where it was to late. Kara’s reasons started out noble, but they went beyond to far. Especially since Lex and Lillian knew and Kara STILL didnt see a point in telling Lena, Lex got the opportunity to tell Lena because Kara couldn't step up. The moment she knew Lillian knew she should have had Jonn erase her mind or tell Lena herself. Kara doesnt ‘owe’ her identity to anyone, but she should think twice about how much she gets involved with or treats the people close to her that dont know. 

Also, it is a betrayal, the writers have said so and even Melissa has agreed she totally understands it. Not telling Lena her secret isnt the betrayal, its everything that came along with it, everything Kara did along the way. (though she could be talking to Eve)

They say the season is a ‘fight for Lena’s soul’ , personally i think being betrayed by Kara is a poor reason for Lena’s soul to be in danger, it doesn't say much for her. But that very statement implies that Lena hasnt gone full Luthor, Otherwise it would be ‘Lena’s soul is lost’. 

It will be interesting to see how Lena reacts to the rest of the super friends since back in season 3 she understood secrets that weren't hers to tell and to keep people safe. She knew Alex was DEO but kept it to herself and wasnt arsed abut it and she didnt on Sam to keep her safe. But knowing the writers they’ll forget this part of Lena’s personality and make her miffed at everyone. 

Lastly Kara may be the main character but that doesnt mean everything she does is right and she DOESNT have to be your favorite character. 

Anyway thats enough. Dont send hate as always will go unanswered and deleted.