#the berks are such a fucked up couple you guys have no idea

[dawnrider]

Continuing this week with a Random Fandom from The Vault for #Fuck it Friday ! This week is How to Train Your Dragon! I could continue it... but it's kinda self contained. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen all the movies (and Race to the Edge)

Named The Dragon's Nest in my Drive. XD

“Aaaaargh! Stormfly!” Hiccup jumped up from his desk at the sound of Astrid's frustrated shout, pencil flying. With a curious growl, Toothless followed close behind as Hiccup took off running. The young Viking knew he would likely find her at the cliff edge and wasn't disappointed. They often took an early morning flight about now. What he didn't expect to find was Stormfly curled around Astrid keeping her contained in a ring of dragon.

“Astrid. What on Earth…”

“She's refusing to let me up and now she won't budge! I don't understand what's gotten into her.” Astrid's formidable fury was rarely directed at her dragon, but Hiccup could see Stormfly wasn't moving anytime soon. “Hiccup, do something!”

“Alright, Astrid, alright,” he soothed, raising a hand toward the Nadder in a gentle calming motion. As he stepped closer, he heard his mother's quiet approach. “It's alright girl,” he murmured to the agitated dragon. Her body language was all protection but it was clear that Astrid's irritation with her was making the poor thing upset. Another step and her tail spines went up, hissing at him. “No, no, Stormfly. It's just me. It's ok.” When she seemed to get a better whiff of him, she settled down but still wouldn't budge. “Astrid, you need to reassure her. She's upset because you are.”

“I can't help it! We were just going to go for our morning flight and she freaked out on me, dancing around to keep me away from her saddle and now this!”

Hiccup turned to his mother who had a tiny amused grin on her face. “Hmm,” was all Valka said when he shot her a pleading look.

“Great. So helpful.” With a sigh, Hiccup took another step closer and softly stroked Stormfly's hide. “Ok, Stormfly, you can let her go now, she's not going anywhere.”

She hesitated for several moments before trilling her agreement and uncurling from around her rider. Astrid sighed in relief. Hiccup continued to talk softly to her dragon while she calmed herself down. “I don't understand. She's only kept me from riding that time when I was blinded, but she's never done that before,” Astrid explained while motioning in a circle to indicate her dragon's protective move.

“Oh? Something must be different.” Astrid fought the urge to shoot her mother-in-law a sarcastic look. Feeling Hiccup at her back settled her irritation, her metaphorical spines lying flat as he placed a hand on her lower back.

“Are you alright?” he asked, taking both her shoulders in hand. She nodded and sighed again. They both gasped in alarm when they were suddenly surrounded by black scales and leathery wings. “Toothless! What's gotten into you? Are all the dragons going nuts?!” The young couple could hear Hiccup's mother chuckling. Toothless gave a soft guttural purr, rubbing his snout against Hiccup's back, pushing him closer to Astrid. When he tried to shove Toothless aside, the Night Fury wouldn't allow him an inch. “Knock it off, Bud. You guys have had your fun.” A soft growl was the only response.

“So now your dragon's gone off his rocker too. Great. Please tell me you know what this is about.” Hiccup looked around helplessly. He had no clue what was wrong with them. There was nothing new on Berk that he knew of, no crazy weather patterns and Arvandil’s fire wasn't due for some time.

“If I had any idea, I'd tell you.”

“You didn't tell me I was going to be a grandmother.”

At his mother's words, they both froze, eyes wide as they looked at each other. “I… What? Astrid?”

Astrid looked shell shocked. “What is she talking about? Did she say grandmother?”

Hiccup took a deep breath and held her face between his hands. In a whisper just for their ears (well, and Toothless’) alone, “Astrid, are you… do you have something to tell me?” She stood, staring at him in blatant surprise. “Oh geez, um. Are you expecting? Pregnant, are you pregnant Astrid?” he finally exclaimed when she didn’t respond right away.

Her blue eyes grew huge and she looked down at herself. “I mean… I didn’t think so. Maybe? I guess? How do the dragons know and we don’t?!” she hissed.

“Dragons sense those kinds of things very early. Change in scent, body temperature…” came Valka’s light sing song from somewhere outside their Night Fury cocoon. “Stormfly probably thinks it's too dangerous for you to fly for now.”

“Too dangerous! But…” Astrid found her tirade cut short as she was swept into a hug. The long arms of her husband scooped her into his chest, keeping her close as he rocked slightly. “Hiccup?” she questioned softly.

While he had always been the more openly affectionate type, this was even a bit much for him. Of course, no one could see them except Toothless. He set her on her feet and grinned down at her with that boyish smile she’d fallen in love with when they were teenagers. The grin slowly slid off of his face to show concern. “Aren’t you… are you upset about it?” he breathed.

“What? Oh…” Astrid had to think about it for a moment. She hadn’t really had a chance to process what was happening. “I didn't know,” she whispered, “I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, but…”

“You're doing that thinking out loud thing you do,” Hiccup pointed out. She looked up at him a little startled. “Hey,” he murmured, “it's ok.”

“A baby, Hiccup. We're going to have a baby!” This time she threw her arms around him, making him chuckle and hold her close.

“Yea, I guess we are.”

[bave-de-crapaud]

Flat vs Flat: The Prank War

OH BOY! The Marauders are about to find out what pranking their neighbours really means.

Artwork by UptheHill (@upthehill on IG)

—–

Sirius x Reader Post Hogwarts/Older Sirius Modern-ish AU (still with magic) NSFW! 18+ Word count: 6700+ Disclaimer: All characters are assumed 18+ Warnings: CONTAINS SMUT! DO NOT read if you are under 18! —–

Y/N was standing in the front doorway of her neighbours flat, fuming. Her normal laid back appearance - somewhat masked by her glowering expression - was covered by a curious blue goo, splattered across her jeans, tee shirt, and entire head.  

The three men in residence were staring back at her, barely holding in their laughter as they took in her unsurprising, at least to them, appearance. “Hullo Y/N” said James, his voice quivering trying to hold back his laughter. “What’s wrong? You look blue.” replied Sirius not holding back his laughter and setting James off. Remus, by far the most mature of his peers, managed to hold in his grin and arrange his face appropriately when Y/N flicked her eyes towards him.

She paused, then smiled a little dangerously to the group. “Oh this?” she queried, gesturing to her person. “Someone decided to set up an exploding charm in our bathroom. I seem to have taken the brunt of it.”

All three roared with laughter. Yeah laugh it up boys. Thought Y/N. Just wait for what is in store for you.

Moments before Y/N had been innocently traipsing around her flat, pondering her plans for a sunny Saturday afternoon when she was hit with yet another one of the boys’ infamous pranks. Hearing the scream, Lily, her flatmate ran in to find Y/N wiping blue goo out of her eyes and feeling around for the sink. It was a mark of how much Lily hated the guys’ pranks that she didn’t laugh at the sight of Y/N, now looking like a smurfette. Of course it was them, this had been going on longer than the several years they had been out of school. “I’m going to kill him.” Lily muttered under her breath as she waved her wand and cried ‘Scourgify’ pointing at the bulk of the mess. As Lily was a whiz at cleaning spells, on any other occasion this would have worked however both women had underestimated the length at which James, Sirius, and Remus would go for a laugh.

There was a gurgle and a whooshing noise then the splattered blue substance exploded once again, hitting Lily and more of the wall. She barely had time to turn away before it covered her side and half her front.

“AHHH FUCK! POTTER!” Lily yelled, rousing the third and final flatmate who was currently sleeping, across the hall.

“Here, water seems to be fine.” Said Y/N handing her a towel and hand wash from the sink.

“What is it…whoa!” Marlene giggled the sight of Lily, and Y/N as they turned towards her.

Immediately realising they had been at the receiving end of yet another set up by the guys next door, Marlene smirked as she raised her wand and began to summon a cleaning spell until she was yelled to stop.

“NO! NO! NO!” “THAT MAKES IT WORSE!” Cried Lily and Y/N.

“Fuck!” Exclaimed Y/N “This is getting out of hand.”

“This means payback.” Said Marlene giving Y/N a thoughtful frown.

Lily merely looked at herself in the mirror frowning at her hair.

“What if I had a date?” She cried.

Both Marlene and Y/N turned to her. “Then James would be an idiot for covering you in slime before taking you out, wouldn’t he!” Scoffed Y/N.

“Unless the date wasn’t with him…” Started Marlene.

“WHAT?” Lily cried as Y/N eyed Marlene’s excited expression

“Just hear me out here!”

And so a ruthless, merciless plan was concocted. A beautiful revenge on the three pranksters who thought they were above any rule, beginning with Y/N, knocking calmly and ominously on their front door.

————-

“What can we do for you Y/N?” Said Sirius, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Well Sirius,” she started. “May I take a shower in your bathroom?”

“A Shower?” That got him.

“Yes. Until we figure out how to fix ours, it is unusable and I am in the need of a shower.”

“You want to get in my shower?” Sirius was starting to look a little nervous here.

“Yes.” Y/N considered him for a moment. “I have a date in about, oooh, 40 minutes so I’m in a  bit of a rush.”

The smile fully slipped off his face then.

“This way?” she questioned, already walking forward and pointing at his bedroom door.

“Ah yes, this way, sure, um… why don’t you want to use James’ bathroom?”

Y/N, paused in the doorway to Sirius’ room, turning back around, the boys shocked to see a smile grow wide on her face. “Well Lily will be here shortly, Sirius, she needs a shower too for her date and has specifically asked to use James’ bathroom.”

Y/N could barely contain her laughter as the looks on Sirius’ and James’ face, equally full of horror, stared back at her. This was the perfect revenge. Knowing the girls’ only had one bathroom and each of the men their own, they didn’t realise how far their prank had gone in terms of ruffling feathers and turning against them.

Inclining her head to Sirius once more Y/N did her best to look innocent before saying, “Do you have a towel I can borrow please, Sirius? I seem to have forgotten mine.”

Sirius took one look at Y/N’s retreating back, realising she wasn’t kidding and let his mouth fall open.

Confused and slightly concerned now, he turned to his roommates. Y/N was being far too calm, and this date of hers? No, he didn’t like that at all.

“Better go get one for her, mate.” Said James who was no longer laughing. The thought of Lily going on a date, wiped the hilarity right out of him.

Sirius followed Y/N into his room, and noticed the door to his bathroom was ajar. Say something! His brain urged him.

“Y/N ah, I’m sorry…I didn’t know you…um” He ran his hands down the sides of his jaw before rubbing them together in front of him. “I didn’t realise you were going on a date.”

“Thanks, Sirius. Do you have a towel?”

“Ah yes, here.” Sirius gabbed a fresh towel from his bottom drawer and walked back over to the bathroom door, not quite knowing how to proceed.

“Should I leave it out here for…” His sentence was cut short as Y/N came into view, opening the door wider. She had started to undress and was barely clothed, standing in a red bra, jeans undone; her red lacy underwear peeking out. A dazzling smile covered her features as she took the towel from him, brushing his hand in the process and saying brightly “Thanks Sirius,” before closing the door, leaving him with his mouth hanging open on the other side.

Sirius’ heart was beating fast. Fuck me that lingerie! Her figure, still covered in blue was no longer making him laugh. He exhaled a shaky breath and slowly gathered himself, breathing deep.

He was still standing in front of the door when he heard the sound of his shower turn on and the curtain pull shut. He didn’t know what to do. On the other side of this flimsy square of plywood was the object of his affections. Naked.

Sirius may come across as untouchable yes, but only he and his flatmates knew just how touchable he wanted to be for Y/N. He had noticed her ever since 5th year in Hogwarts but was such a berk he hadn’t said anything to her about his feelings and now thinking about it, this prank was not serving to change that view of him in her eyes.

After Hogwarts, Sirius slowly fell further and further in lust, and love with Y/N. He spent quite a bit of time with her. Being neighbours, they were often at each others’ flats and since James had been making headway with Lily’s affection, Y/N was in Sirius’ world a lot of the time. James was going to kill him for this prank idea. It was mainly his brainchild and if he admitted it to himself it was largely to interact more with Y/N.

Y/N was shaking with adrenaline as she undressed herself fully and stepped in the shower. Marlene’s revenge plan was clear and simple: Seduce. Torment. Have fun. Marlene had been looking for an excuse to try and hook up with Remus for ages. Remus wouldn’t say anything but Y/N knew he fancied Marlene, at least enough for a fling and she definitely would be down for that. Marlene was a goodtime girl and more than once she had mentioned that she’d heard things about the size of his nether region. Y/N knew that revenge was sweet, but trust Marlene to couple it with a side of hot sex. They all knew James was head over heels for Lily and therefore would be panicking about the thought of her going on date without him. No effort was really needed by Lily for her part and then there was Sirius…

“Why do you want me to be paired with Sirius again?” Y/N had asked her as they workshopped the logistics of their plan.

“Because, Y/N,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve got James and Marls obviously wants a go at Remus, leaving Sirius for you.”

“Yes I got that, Lily!” replied Y/N slightly annoyed. “But Marly, you’re the queen of seduction - you break hearts everyday! Sirius is possibly going to be the hardest of the three to crack. Don’t you think he won’t be bothered much by my part?”

“No I don’t.” Said Marlene confidently as Lily hummed.

“Break hearts everyday, yes you d…”

“I don’t think he won’t be bothered by you.” Marlene cut you off.

Y/N thought about what Marlene had said as she lathered herself generously in Sirius’ soap. She was not unobservant and had recognised the quiet jabs from her friends about her getting it on with Sirius over the years. In all honesty, she wouldn’t be opposed to the idea even if it was only for a fling - just to experience what it was like to be pressed up against him would be amazing however she wasn’t sure that was a wise idea for their friendship or her heart.

Y/N had nursed a small crush on Sirius for as long as she could remember. She never did anything about it as he was just so damn cool and unattainable. Or so she thought. Sirius got many girls, even though he never seemed to look for a partner and he never led anyone on to believe he wanted a relationship. From what Y/N had seen and heard, women wanting flings and brief encounters were the majority of the people he went out with. Not realising there was a reason behind that, she assumed the guy didn’t like commitment and all he was committed to was his friends.

She had missed the smug smile on Marlene’s face as the three of them gathered what they needed for their prank and organised it into bags. Marlene didn’t know about Y/N’s secret crush, she had an inkling but it was Sirius she was thinking about while pairing him with her friend. She was always curious about why he never wanted a relationship. Sure there is nothing wrong with that, Marlene herself, preferred the single lifestyle right now but when she tried to talk to him about it she got the distinct impression that one night stands and quick flings didn’t seem to make him happy.

This was confirmed as she sat with Y/N on the floor of the boys flat, sharing pizza one Friday night. James was giving Sirius a hard time for never having a girlfriend and why he didn’t commit.

“He just hasn’t found the right girl yet.” said Lily.

“Or maybe he has and she doesn’t want him!” James laughed missing the warning look from Sirius.

“James…” uttered Remus softly, quieting his friend.

James looked around the room and quickly tried to change the subject. Y/N stared at him, wondering what that was. Had he touched a nerve?

Marlene, also picking up James’ the faux pas, instead, looked at Sirius. As she got his attention she looked pointedly at Y/N and then back at him again. Marlene’s suspicions were confirmed as Sirius’ eyes widened and he merely stared back at her pleadingly, shaking his head. She said nothing, giving him a quick nod and returning to her pizza before anyone had noticed their exchange.

It was this interaction that gave Marlene extra motivation to pair Y/N with Sirius. If what she had suspected for a while now didn’t work out like she thought it would, then at least the girls would teach him a lesson about mucking with their bathroom.

—–

Sirius was still collecting his thoughts when Lily arrived, also covered in blue but not quite as bad as Y/N. Her general demeanour was one of business as she burst in, nodded to Remus, and looked straight at James stating, “bathroom?” It was a command. James jumped up and rushed to show her the way to his en suite, noticing she too had not bought a towel.

As James walked back into the lounge, Sirius emerged from his room dazed and looking like he had been slapped in the face. Remus, who despite the obvious conundrum his friends were under was finding this turn of events rather amusing.

“Mate!?”  Sirius started, helplessly to James. Hearing James’ shower going and pointing at the door, “Is Lily in there?” James nodded excitedly.  “I..ah…Y/N in my shower!” They momentarily looked gleefully at each other until Remus brought them back to reality. “You do realise you both have the girls of your dreams, getting ready in your bathrooms for dates with other dudes?”

That sobered Sirius and James up quick smart. James looked at Remus horrified as Sirius ran both hands through his hair clenching his jaw.

Before either of them could reply, Marlene walked through the door carrying three bags, dumping two unceremoniously at Remus’ feet.

“Hi boys!” She beamed brightly. I’m sure Y/N and Lily have told you the situation, I need a shower too - Remus is your bathroom free?” Before he could even surmise an answer she was pointing at each of the bags indicating which one was for Y/N and which for Lily, despatching Sirius and James to deliver these to their owners and swaying her hips off to Remus’ room. A beeline being made to his bathroom.

Remus’ previously smug grin was long gone, he now looked nervously at Marlene’s disappearing back and then back at the boys.

Grins and obvious looks of “ha ha” were showing on James’ and Sirius’ faces. Before they could laugh however he indicated to the bags, wordlessly and moodily suggesting they should do something with them while he got Marlene a towel and prepared himself for having his walking, talking wet dream, naked in his shower.

Sirius re entered his room and noted that the sound of running water had stopped. He tentatively knocked on the door, “Y/N I have your change of clothes.” “Just a minute!” was answered back.

More thoughts of her, centimeters away naked, wet, and just out of reach flashed through his mind

He grunted as he adjusted his pants, feeling the front getting rather tight. He had chanced a look inside the bag revealing her outfit and it did not make him any happier. It was gorgeous, sure but also short, tight, and not for him. She had gone with a beige bodycon thinly strapped short dress with high black heels. Paired with a light flowing trench coat, it was the perfect outfit for a summer’s evening when one wanted to show off and look sexy.

Opening the door Sirius saw a towel-clad beauty, wet hair dripping down her shoulders and cleavage.

His eyes grew wide and his brain stopped working. He had seen partners far more naked before but for some reason, the sight of her like this rendered him speechless.

Thanking him for the bag Y/N closed the door again and got dressed. A quick spell with her wand effectively drying and styling her hair to fall down in soft waves. She pulled out her purse and began to apply makeup, thinking about Sirius’ reaction while she blended her eyeshadow.

If she didn’t know any better, she would almost suggest that Sirius was affected by her. The look on his face, one of shock and potentially arousal, surprised and excited her. It was at this point Y/N smiled knowing the payback was complete, yet feeling competitive and wanting to one-up him, she concluded just a little more teasing would be necessary. A devious smile played on her face as she thought this through, it wasn’t really necessary but it would be oh so good.

Finally ready, squaring her shoulders and letting out a breathy chuckle, Y/N  emerged from the bathroom, looking fresh and sultry.

Sirius wasn’t in the lounge when she returned. James was standing very close to his bedroom door, itching slightly and Remus was pacing in the kitchen.

So far so good, she smiled evilly to herself.

“Have a good night guys!” Y/N called cheerfully. As she exited out the front door she ran into Sirius, smoking a cigarette on the front porch.

He dropped his hand slowly as he watched her closing the door and let out a breath of smoke as he took in her outfit.

It was indeed what he was afraid of. She looked stunning. A slight summer tan evident on her legs which were on far more display than he had ever seen them. Hair falling over her shoulder just asking to be tugged gently. Her eyes sparkled framed by dark lashes. And her lips. He was a sucker for red and the colour on that plump mouth made him think of her red underwear again.

Y/N was looking at him confused. Oh shit she was talking to him and he hadn’t paid attention!

“Can you help me?” Four words he caught.

“Sorry, Y/N,” he rasped and cleared his throat. “Sorry, say again?”

She walked over to him, far too close for a normal conversation, looked him straight in the eyes and said. “Sirius, will you do me?”

WHAT! Alarm bells were ringing in his ears as she turned around, dropped her coat and patted over her shoulder looking at him. The next word out of her mouth confused him. “…up?” Huh? He shook his head, focusing in front of him to a zip undone on the back of her dress.

Oh! She wanted him to do her UP! Was that pause on purpose? Realising he was standing looking at her smooth back, not doing anything he quickly grasped the zip; placed sinfully low on her back and pulled up. He soon realised he needed to create a bit of resistance on the fabric in order to close the zip and gulped as he placed his other hand on the curve where the top of her bum met her lower back.

It was over far too quickly and soon Y/N was turning back around smiling at him. “How do I look?” Curves excellently highlighted by the cupping of her outfit. The almost impossible smooth lines of her dress made him want to run his hands up and down her sides.

“Great” he rasped out.

“Thanks Sirius!” giving him a bright smile and one final look, she floated down the stairs and turned left onto the street.

“Wait!” She heard him call out “Don’t you want your coat?”

Sirius had just noticed the coat crumpled on the front porch realising she hadn’t put it back on.

“Nah! Y/N called back cheerfully, “I’m only going down the road!” Then she turned on her heel again and walked down the street.

Something was stirring in Sirius’ head. She wasn’t wearing a bra… He had just clocked this as he did up her dress. Continuing to watch her, as she walked further and further away he wondered what “down the road meant.” Surely the only date-worthy place was their local pub and it certainly wasn’t first date worthy? His suspicions were confirmed when he saw a figure in the distance, looking like Y/N, cross the road and go through a door that was absolutely the door to their local pub.

As he thought about this, Lily emerged from the door in an equally revealing dress and heels, James running after her; “don’t you want me to call you a taxi Lily?”

“No thanks James, I’m not going far!” Nodding to Sirius, Lily walked swiftly down the steps and also turned to the left.

Sirius finished his cigarette watching Lily. Surely not he pondered to himself again, but no sooner had he thought that, Lily too crossed the road, entering through the same door: the local pub.

Wait a second here. Were they double dating?

He walked back inside thinking. Both James and Remus were still on their feet, they turned to look at Sirius. “Did you know both Lily and Y/N have walked into The Drunken Doxy for their dates?”

“What?” two pairs of questions hung in the air as Remus’ door opened and all three looked at Marlene standing in a strappy black dress and boots.

“Thank you for the shower lads - I hope this has served to teach you not to mess with a girls bathroom again?!” She looked strictly at them, her scowl losing potency with the twinkle in her eyes.

As she made to walk out the door, Remus called out, “do you need a lift? Where are you going?”

She turned, hand on the doorknob, “No thanks Rem, I’m just going to the local!” And with a wink and a flick of her hair she was gone.

All three men looked at each other, there was a beat and then at once they jumped into action.

“Shower, shave, dress!” instructed Remus

“Ten minutes!” Called James.

Thinking of Y/N naked in his shower again; “…..better make it 20!” Said Sirius.

Sirius rushed into his bathroom, stripping off, and jumping in the shower. He shuddered, as the warm water hit his body. Grabbing whatever was in sight, Sirius washed himself. Soap suds running down his hard chest and lean legs. The water massaging his head felt wonderful and he started thinking of Y/N, becoming turned on. Nope! No time for that.

He shook water out of his hair and reached for a towel. As his hand landed on the hook, he froze - hanging innocently where his towel usually was, were the pair of lacy red underwear Y/N had been wearing earlier. Sirius nearly stumbled out of the shower. Y/N is not wearing any knickers!

Oh Godric fuck! Picking up the lace, knowing it had been on her body minutes before, next to her most intimate part Sirius couldn’t help himself, he held it up to his face and inhaled deeply. Her scent, lingering lightly on the fabric smelt musky and arousing. His erection was hurting at this point and not likely to go away anytime soon. Sirius grasped himself and stroked, feeling delicious sensations throughout his body. Free hand still wrapped in Y/N’s underwear he leant on the side of the shower wall and closed his eyes. Picking up his pace as he thought of Y/N, her body, wet and dripping in his shower moments ago. He wondered what it would be like to run his hands under that tight dress and flick her nipples. He groaned out loud at the thought of dropping to his knees in front of her to tug her dress up and lick her clit.

Hand pumping faster and faster, more thoughts of Y/N, her body pressed against his, the feel of her, the touch of her, what it would be like to be inside her. As his mind vividly created an image of her lying before him telling him she wanted him seconds before he entered her, he gave one final moan and came.

—–

“You took your time!” James was almost chomping at the bit waiting.

“Couldn’t find my hair gel.” Said Sirius with a slight grin.

“Ok, keys, wallet, let’s go!” Remus called firmly, pushing both men out the door and closing it behind him.

—

Over at The Drunken Doxy, the girls were sitting on stools around the corner of the bar sipping a wine each.

“Do you think they’ll figure it out?” Said Y/N?

“Who knows?” Replied Lily “Either way we will have a good night.”

“Yes we will!” Exclaimed Marlene pointing at the main door.

There they were. Standing at the entrance way looking handsome and well dressed, Sirius, Remus, and James glanced around the room searching. Sirius spotted the girls first and he locked eyes with Y/N. Suddenly, she felt nervous as he began to walk over. He looked nowhere else but at her giving her an almost predatory stare as he moved forward.

Gosh he looks good. Thought Y/N as he reached her and smiled, “Hi” She said almost shyly.

He paused, then gave her a cheeky smirk. ”You, my lady, are one hell of a good prankster! I’m so sorry I’m late, would you like a drink?”

Marlene was right, it was a very good night. Y/N spent the majority of it talking with Sirius. He was strangely flirty, touching her often. He had never done that before.

Sirius was beside himself. He felt invincible, Y/N gave him all her attention for once, not dipping out when other women approached him, acting convincingly like he was hers. Before tonight, he never thought she would be interested but he still wasn’t sure, perhaps she just played her part for the girls’ revenge?

Soon, too soon it was midnight. Lily and James had gone back to her flat while Marlene and Remus had both ventured further into town to party some more.

Before she had left, Lily asked Y/N to pick up their things from the boys flat - not trusting the men to leave their clothes alone and prank free.

Though Y/N rolled her eyes at Lily when she asked, she was secretly glad to have a reason to go home with Sirius. Even if it was just for five minutes.

Sirius draped her shoulders in his jacket as they walked home. He was quiet, letting Y/N steer the conversation not knowing he was wrestling an internal battle. Did he lay his feelings on the line for her? Risk causing awkwardness in the friendship? Was he even good enough for Y/N? A large part of him believed, no.

“Would you like a cup of coffee, Y/N?” Sirius stood in his kitchen, hands in his pockets watching her gather the girls’ things from around his flat. It was such a clichéd line, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh through her smile. To his credit he chuckled too, shaking his head as he bit his lip still looking at her. The words were bubbling up his throat, pounding from his chest to his lips to be let out, yet he stood silent, watching her realising she must know how he feels but yet still reticent to say anything.

Y/N couldn’t help but sneak glances at him. Merlin, he is handsome. Being with him tonight had only reinforced her feelings for him. Perhaps this was more than a crush. It had gone on for so long. Y/N was largely a happy, laid back person who didn’t want to push her luck so she had settled for being his friend. However, tonight she was forced to think about being with him and what that would be like, for more than one night.

She had finally come to the conclusion that Sirius embodied everything she wanted in a partner, strong, intelligent, good, loyal, fun, and a little naughty. She had just never pursued it any further as it seemed from the outside that he only did flings. Furthermore, Y/N had always been certain that Sirius went after what he wanted, if he was interested he would have done something about it.

Moving to help her gather her friends’ belongings, Sirius quietly uttered; “I had a great time tonight Y/N. I would apologise for the prank but I enjoyed the pay back a lot.” He gave a devilish grin as Y/N felt tingly all of a sudden.

His smile dropped slightly as he added, “I’m sorry you got stuck with me for the evening though, I know there are better people you could have spent your time with.”

Though he tried to laugh as he said it, Y/N frowned. “Is that how you really feel Sirius?” He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. Y/N had seen this side of him at Hogwarts, his worry that he was unloveable as proven by his parents but never did she imagine it had spilled into his friendships.

“Don’t…don’t say that Sirius. You are actually one of my favourite people.”

“I am?”

“Yes, of course!” Y/N looked at him confused. “Pranks aside, you’re pretty great, you should tell yourself that more often.”

Sirius said nothing but continued to stare at Y/N in amazement. Now was the time to tell her, he could feel the words forming in his mouth, and just as he opened it, Y/N broke the silence, “Um, I’ll just…” Pointing to his room, she gestured a query of entry.

“Yeah, ah yeah sure, your clothes.” He followed her into his room.

Sirius’ brain was working fast. Did she mean that? Favourite person! Come on, just tell her!

Y/N was quietly putting two and two together as she entered his bathroom. Maybe there was something there but he felt like he couldn’t chase it. Had they both been operating on a series of miscommunications and assumptions? He never had a partner, he only had flings, she wasn’t one of them but had he tried and she didn’t notice? He only went home with people after she had left for the night or moved to talk to her other friends and he had ditched potential dates when she came round. All this time Y/N thought she was doing well not to overstay her welcome in his presence but was she actually pushing him away? No! That’s too easy.

“Is he really bothered by me?” Y//N mumbled under her breath. She didn’t want the night to end unless kissing him was scheduled for the end of the night then she wanted the end to come right now.

Feeling more alive and scared in a long time, Y/N continued to collect her belongings, she had embarrassingly flung all around Sirius’ bathroom. Could I kiss him? Should I? No! Yes?

As she was gathering up her jeans from his laundry hamper, fighting her own internal battle, she noticed that her red lacy thong was not hanging on the towel hook but folded neatly on the side of the sink, looking like they were placed with the utmost care. Y/N’s eyes lit up with knowing. He was affected by it! By me! Should I kiss him now? Yes! Definitely yes!

Dropping everything she had collected. Y/N strode out of the bathroom. Sirius, hovering by his bedroom door still, cocked an eyebrow at her, “Y/N did you not find…mmmfph” his question was lost as she stalked confidently towards him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with all the passion she could muster.

He only took a second to react. He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her close as if he was afraid this sudden arrival of contact would just as quickly depart.

“Sirius I…” she whispered breathlessly only to be rendered speechless by him cupping the sides of her face, his eyes blown with lust and something else as he continued to kiss her deeply.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, Y/N.” He said in between kisses. “Wanted you, liked you….” there was a pause as he breathed deep and uttered, “loved you.”

He looked at her again, her head in his hands, searching for the flicker of emotion that would tell him she might feel the same.

When he saw Y/N’s pupils dilate, and she began to give him a breathtaking smile he was overjoyed. He had battled with these feelings for years, growing stronger after every moment she was in his presence.

“Will you stay with me? Even just for tonight?” he asked, as his hands roamed her body and he feathered his lips across her jaw, down to her neck. His stubble tickling her skin and sending thrills up her legs.

He was good with his hands, the rumours were not wrong. Suddenly feeling exposed, irrational thoughts of being just another notch on his belt flared up and Y/N faltered.

“You’re the one, Y/N” Sirius breathed, as if sensing her deliberation of his intentions.

Relief washed over her. An affirmative “mmmm” was all she was able to get out. Being pressed up against the real thing was far out performing her expectations. He knew what he was doing.

“I want you Sirius, I have for a long long time.” she groaned wantonly unbuttoning his fly and palming his erection.

That did it for him. He spun her around, bent down still making contact with her lips to lift her up and press her against his closed door.

The momentary knock of her back against the hardwood caused him to flinch and a concerned look took over his features. Had he hurt her in his haste?

No, he realised, he had awoken a desperate rough streak and she ripped his shirt open, clawing at him to get closer.

Legs wrapped around his waist, both rushing, not getting their want satiated fast enough, he was frantically pushing her dress up, as she pulled his hair and squeezed him closer. Sirius had monetarily forgotten Y/N wasn’t wearing any underwear which was surprising as that thought had tormented him all night.

The brush of his fingers against her folds elicited a deep moan from within him.

“Oh God, Y/N.”

She squirmed at his touch, she was far too wet for this early on in the foreplay, knowing there was more to come but wanting him to fill her up immediately.

Sirius was exploding inside. The love and lust he held for Y/N for so long had finally found an outlet and it was building to an exquisite crescendo. Her wetness on his fingers, just about bought him to his knees. How could such a woman want to be with him? He momentarily started to feel insecure again then remembering her words from earlier, his heart squeezed.

Just because people found him good looking didn’t mean he believed them to be pure of intentions. Most women just wanted him for his outer looks and when he tried to dip his toe in connection and get deeper, it didn’t go too well. It wasn’t their fault - he gave off the air of a no strings attached lover but on the few times when he searched for more that threw them and caused a multitude of awkwardness.

Y/N however knew him well, too well if you asked him. She knew all his faults and had witnessed his worst behaviour yet she still wanted to spend time with him. Just the night with him? He hoped it was more than that however there was no way he would stop giving her what she wanted as long as she asked for it even if it was for one night. He couldn’t believe the way she was turning him on. He could feel drops of pre-cum damping his underwear and he hadn’t even let himself touch her like that yet.

He was so caught in the taste of her lips and what she was doing to him with her tongue, that he hadn’t realised she had reached down, freed his erection from his pants and pressed herself against him.

“Oh god.” This woman!

Y/N kissed him feverishly wrapping her arms tightly around his broad shoulders and slightly squeezing herself up and down. The friction caused by this action had him tilt his head back, eyes rolling into the top of his skull. Y/N took this opportunity to bite his neck, tasting his skin and smelling his cologne - her favourite scent to date. “Take me Sirius.” She purred.

He needed no more encouragement. One arm still holding her legs around him, back pushed against the wall he moved his cock so it was positioned against her entrance. One more look in her eyes to make sure. She bit her lip smiling at him titling her hips so the tip of his cock pushed through her entrance, and he moved. Slowly savouring every millimetre enveloped by her walls. Sirius’ mouth was open and his eyes were closed shut. He groaned, resting his forehead against hers. “Y/N..” was all he could whisper.

God he felt divine. His girth and length touched all of her.

Contrary to the frenzied rushing and grasping at each other in the beginning, Sirius’ thrusts were long and slow. He moved flawlessly, filling her up and snapping his hips with a flick when he was fully submerged, The kissing, the holding her up, the amazing feeling of being pressed against a wall and Sirius’ muscular chest as he thrust up into her was sending Y/N flying. His thrusts got faster, his breathing became heavier and he pressed into her harder moaning her name in her ear. Fuck he felt good. He seemed to know where she needed to be hit and his hips moved with incredible rhythm.  He was kissing her all over, biting her neck, continually groaning her name. “God you feel. So. Good. Y/N” he cried at one point, highlighting each snap of his pelvis with his words.

When Y/N squeezed her walls around him and started to roll up to meet him he began to lose it.

Wrapping one hand around her back he moved away from the wall and lay her on the edge of his bed. Kneeling on the floor he found a perfect angle to hit her in the most electric spot while teasing her clit at the same time. He held one leg up and let her other find traction, curled down against the side of the bed.

“Harder, please.” She groaned. He obliged and focused his thrusts more strongly, hitting a sweet spot inside her harder and harder.  Sweat was trickling down the part of his chest on show from his open shirt.

He was building her to a climax. Y/N felt her breathing quicken and a blooming wave rise inside her. Just as he whispered; “Y/N I’m not going to last much longer, you feel so good, can I do anything more to get you there?” She broke. Waves of pleasure washed over her, a tsunami of exquisite sparks flicked up and down her body. Her closed eyes, open mouth, and moaning of his name “yes Sirius, YES!” She arched up, while one hand fisted the covers and the other squeezed his hand. It was too intense for him. He came, and he came and just when he thought it was over another climax in him was building. “What that the?” he exhaled confused, “Oh my god” she moved her hips up to him and back and he climaxed again. He had heard of this happening but dismissed it as an urban legend.

Sparks popping in front of his face, Sirius felt time stop. Utterly spent, sweating, and catching his breath he let go of her leg, gently placed it down and leaned over her, still joined at the base. Arms either side of Y/N’s head he shook himself.

Seeing him shake spots from his eyes, watching as his breathing calmed down with her, and feeling the love from this man swelled her heart. She hadn’t told him but she thought she loved him too.

He opened his eyes when she placed her hand gently on his cheek, smiling serenely up at him.

“Stay.” He asked, meaning more than just the night

“Ok.” She nodded, meaning more than just the night.

—–

Tag List: @with1love1anu @evyiione @borbole-teias @riddikuluslypotter @sirius-lysad @emmamass24 @mylovelykelsifer @sly-vixen-up2nogood @ashkuuuu @songforhema @wangmangagavroche @legalyred @qwertyokok @criminalyetminimal @hannahhobnob @mrsrosiebarnes @ofherosandvillians-blog @doitforthevine67 @maraudersprincess @socialfake @fangirlofbooksandpasta

[whathappenedtomyweekend]

It’s Just A Spark Ch.15 - Two Minutes

The streets of Berk were never really empty. Something was always going on somewhere. This particular morning, a fireman was being dragged over the cobblestones by his barking dog.

"Hookfang!"

Hookfang came to an abrupt halt in front of a small cafè, panting, wagging his tail. Snotlout stumbled to a halt, following his dog's gaze -

He gasped and ducked behind one of the flower pots outside of the building, heat crawling up his face as he realised exactly whose cafè this was. A heartbeat later he realised what had just happened and he spit out a curse through gritted teeth, angry at his reaction and stepped back into the open.

"Scott, hi!"

Fishlegs waved and grinned at him, and Snotlout wished he a) wasn't there and b) couldn't feel his heart race up to his throat at the sight of his cousin's friend.

'Shit.'

"Hey, wha- what are you doing? I mean, I uh, saw you closed up the shop like a week ago, was everything okay?"

Fishlegs sharply sucked in air through his teeth and sheepishly looked to the side. "Yeah, I probably should've told you guys. Don't worry though, nothing bad happened."

"Oh … okay."

"It was actually - hang on, I'd like you to meet somebody!"

Scott smiled and nodded but the only thought running through his head was 'Please don't be a girlfriend 'cause that would be actually worse than if you had a boyfriend which would at least mean you're gay, please don't be a girlfriend, please don't be a girlfriend.'

Fishlegs reappeared, and for a second, Snotlout stopped because he didn't see anybody accompanying him - then Hookfang started to pull on his leash and the fireman's gaze fell down. There, next to Fishlegs, cowered a small brown basset breed, timidly shying back from the larger dog.

Snotlout's first thought was, 'Oh, thank God.' And then, 'That's a really cute dog.'

So he knelt down, pulling Hookfang back.

"I got her from a death row animal shelter," Fishlegs said softly and watched Snotlout's head snap up, smiling hesitantly.

"It was love at first sight, really. The rescuers said she was really anxious and didn't let anybody near her, but when I walked up to her, she started wagging her tail at me and even let me feed her. I just had to take her with me - but well, now she's really anxious when I'm not there, so I had to close up for a few days until she got a bit used to my flat."

Snotlout nodded, slowly offering the dog his hand - she shyed back. He threw Fishlegs a quick glance, who smiled at him, and then got back up.

"So why'd you open the shop back up now?" he asked and Fishlegs shrugged.

"I missed work. And until she eases up a bit I'll just take her to work with me. You know, chill out a bit. She can get used to seeing people, all in a non-threatening environment."

"Good idea. Hey, if you need help with anything, just tell me, yeah? Hooky and I are always glad to help," Snotlout mumbled, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

Fishlegs grinned. "That'd be nice, thanks."

They stood in awkward silence for a while - 'or maybe it isn't awkward and I'm just thinking it is, ugh, why did I even come by here-'

"So, uh, can I get you anything? You know, since you're here?" Fishlegs asked and Snotlout stopped, surprised. Maybe it wasn't awkward after all.

So he shrugged and said, "I mean, I could go for some afternoon waffles before work."

Astrid inhaled deeply and opened up her laptop, determination written on her face.

'Alright,' she thought, staring at her screen. 'Time to finish this. It's just you and me now, buddy.'

Her finished CV stared back.

Astrid cracked her fingers. It was almost perfect. Emphasis on almost. Which meant it wasn't perfect. Which meant-

Astrid screwed her eyes shut, forcing her train of thought to stop.

"You know you're good, you know you're good," she ground out through gritted teeth, knocking her fists against her forehead as if physically willing the mantra into her head. "A resumé alone isn't going to make them hire you. That's on you," she repeated Hiccup's words and rubbed her eyes, exhaling slowly.

Then she yanked her hands away from her face and set them down on the table, opened her emails and typed in the address of the school office.

Snotlout had followed Fishlegs back inside and was now pretending to greatly care about where he would sit, when in reality he just wanted to spend a bit more time watching Fishlegs work.

"You sure you don't wanna sit outside? It's a beautiful-"

"No, it's really hot, in here's better," Snotlout said too quickly, his voice maybe a little too loud. Fishlegs hesitated but then shrugged and pointed him towards an unoccupied table.

"Hey, isn't that Hiccup's date from a couple weeks ago?"

Snotlout hissed and pulled Fishlegs behind a flower pot. The other man let out a low yelp.

"What-"

"She's his girlfriend now," Snotlout explained and stole a quick glance at the young woman, who was typing something on her laptop. "They got together like three days ago - which he didn't tell me until yesterday, so I'm a bit bitter about that - but they had their first kiss like yesterday and - God their children are gonna be beautiful, what the fuck- he is so head over heels, it's disgusting, but I'm really happy for him, so it's okay."

Snotlout stopped, realising this was all maybe something Hiccup should have told his friend in person and when he was ready, so he quickly added, "But you didn't hear this from me."

Fishlegs turned to look at him. "Hear what?" he grinned, nudged his shoulder shortly and then made his way to Astrid's table.

For a few moments all Snotlout could do was look after him, having stopped functioning.

_______________________________________________________

"Good afternoon, what can I get for you?"

Astrid looked up at the sound of a familiar man's voice and smiled when she recognised him.

"Hi! A latte would be brilliant - and you know what, while I'm here, some of your chocolate ice cream because it's to kill for."

Fishlegs laughed. "Good choice. And thank you, I'm glad you like it."

Astrid shrugged and grinned. "We should both thank Hiccup for that one, he introduced me to your cafè. We haven't had the chance to come by again though, and he'd mentioned you were out of town for a few days."

"So you guys are still going out?" Fishlegs - Christopher - asked and Astrid couldn't help but remember the first time her and Hiccup had come to The Cone Cove

"Let's see if I can manage to properly eat ice cream this time," Astrid commented lightly and pushed the door open.

It was a small, light-flooded place with plants over plants hanging from the ceiling and placed around the corners.

"Hiccup!" a voice called out and Astrid noticed a large kind-faced man emerge from behind the counter. Quickly she let go of Hiccup's hand, only now registering that they had still been holding hands.

She watched Hiccup grin and be engulfed in a large hug by the blond man who seemed to be about their age, maybe a bit older.

"It's so good to see you! You never stop by these days."

Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been a bit busy these days."

He tried stealing a quick glance at Astrid without either of them noticing - neither of which failed to see.

His friend's face lit up in a smiliar manner to Tuff's, Astrid realised and remembered Hiccup had been as hopeless as her.

She extended her hand to him. "Nice to meet you. I'm Astrid, Hiccup's …" She stopped, suddenly uncertain. What exactly were they? Was she his date? Did that imply that he was also dating other people? They were exclusive, weren't they? They were romantically involved, even though that sounded a lot like something that happened only shortly in a passionate affair. Girlfriend also did not apply.

"Date," she finished, shooting Hiccup a look who only shrugged helplessly and looked as though the only thing he wanted right now was for the ground to swallow him immediately.

The other man didn't seem to notice her pause and embarassment and shook her hand. "Likewise. I'm Christopher - or Chris, however you want."

He clapped his hands. "So. I'd recommend you this beautiful little table over here, the oleander is blooming just nicely this year."

Hiccup smiled and followed his guide. "Thanks, Fish."

"Hang on, I'll get you the specials card, too."

Christopher disappeared, a cheery smile on his face. Astrid took a seat and smoothed her hands over her skirt.

"Fish?"

Hiccup chuckled. "Fishlegs, actually. Another weird nickname. We met while fishing when we were young. Both of us got forced by our parents to go fishing with them, and, well, let's just say we spent the day more with hunting trolls and learning about the forest than fishing. But it stuck with us."

She hummed, resting her chin on her hand. "Are you close?"

"We're still really good friends, but not as close as we used to be. Work's sort of getting in the way. But we still meet up sometimes."

His voice sounded rough, almost, a bit hoarse she noticed then. He sounded exhausted.

"Ruff and me are the same, honestly. I don't know just when we got so busy. And I don't want any friendship to feel like a chore."

"Right. That's understandable."

He locked his eyes on her again over the menu. Astrid pretended not to notice.

"Is the coffee as good as his ice cream?" she asked, quickly scanning her options.

"I don't know, I don't drink coffee."

Astrid gasped, mockingly in shock. "How do you survive?"

"On water and tea, usually."

Hiccup had leaned forward, leaning on his forearms, grinning his lopsided grin at her and suddenly she wasn't so keen on focusing her attention on the menu in her hands anymore.

In the end she decided to just get a chocolate sundae and set the menu down, letting her eyes wander over his face again

"Yeah, we, uh, we're actually a couple now," she heard herself say.

"Congratulations," Christopher smiled. "I'm not surprised though, from the way he looked at you. Anyways, I'll be right back with your order, it was nice to see you again!"

"Likewise," Astrid replied smiling and then returned her attention to the email she was writing - well, at least she was looking at it. The rest of her was still caught up in another sun-flooded memory.

"Look what the cat dragged in!" Hiccup grinned at the sight of Snotlout entering the fire department in his usual state - fifteen minutes late, a to-go coffee cup in his hand.

His cousin sat down, setting the cup on the table.

"Okay, so, first of all, before you judge me, Mr 'I got an entire day off so I could get laid'-"

he ducked away from the rubber that came flying at him and continued completely unfazed, "guess who's back in town and has a dog."

Hiccup gasped. "You're kidding! He got a dog?"

"Yes," Snotlout confirmed, grimly staring at him over the rim of his coffee. "Which makes me, like, seventyone percent more attracted to him, which I hate."

Hiccup looked at him and could already tell Snotlout was going to despise his next question.

"Why don't you just tell him?"

Snotlout gawked at him. "And ruin my carefully crafted reputation in this city? Are you insane?"

"Have you ever considered that maybe he … feels the same way?"

"Wait- did he say something to you?"

"No. I'm just saying you could be missing your chance and it might be too late in a couple-"

"Okay, okay, calm down Romeo, just 'cause you got a girlfriend now doesn't mean you can start giving me actually helpful dating advice, okay?"

Snotlout interrupted him but grinned and nudged his cousin's shoulder, leaning back while taking another sip of his coffee.

"Appreciating it, though."

Hiccup snorted and leaned back.

"Hey, just 'cause I got a girlfriend doesn't actually mean I know how I did that."

Hiccup sighed, rubbed his burning eyes and threw his arms over his head, stretching until he heard his back crack.

'That sounds very unhealthy,' he thought, slowly rotating his neck and letting it hang backwards until some of the tension subsided. His gaze fell on Snotlout next to him, who had curled up on the couch and was snoring loudly. Hiccup grinned and carefully got up, trying not to disturb his sleeping cousin and tiptoed to the door of the common room, up the steps to the headquarters.

He started when his phone in his pocket rang, checked the screen and grinned at Astrid's face on the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Astrid's voice greeted him and he felt a wave of warmth wash over him at the sound of it.

"Hey," he answered softly and sat down on his chair.

"What're you up to?"

"Work, as usual," he leaned back. "I'm on call response."

She let out a small chuckle. "So you had to pick up?"

"Of course, I'm just doing my job here, it's not like Snotlout's been asleep for the past hour and nothing is happening and I'm bored out of my mind and have been wanting to talk to you the whole day."

Astrid hummed, grinning audibly. "Of course."

She paused for a second and then asked, "So would it be okay if I came over for a bit? It's - basically too late for me to be asking this, I already got the tea and am literally two minutes away."

Hiccup sat there, stunned for a second, the only thought occupying his mind right now, 'God, I love you.' but he bit his tongue, and instead said, "That'd be great! Text me when you're at the gates, I'll come down. Don't wanna wake Snotlout."

Astrid nodded, biting down a grin. "Okay, see you in two minutes," she whispered.

Hiccup closed his eyes, his heart fluttering.

Two minutes.

[terreisa]

Love Down the Line: Epilogue

The last thing Indie musician Emma Swan needs is a gigantic wrench thrown in the workings of her biggest tour to date weeks before its launch.  When her backing guitarist that caused the problem says she has the perfect solution Emma is skeptical but left with little choice but to accept.  Unfortunately she isn’t really prepared for said solution to be former Rock Star and leading man of Emma’s teenage fantasies, Killian Jones.  With no other options and a month of performing across the country ahead of her Emma just hopes she doesn’t come to regret letting Killian onto her stage and into her life.

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, AO3

~*CS*~

Los Angeles, Three Years Later

“You know, the last time I was here they only gave me those itty bitty bottles of water.”

Killian laughed to himself but kept his eyes trained to his phone.  He knew if he looked up the love of his life would be scowling at the unnecessarily large bottles of expensive water lined up along the counter of the green room they were waiting in.  Emma Swan was prone to many wonderful things but graciously giving up on a grudge was not one of them.

“The last time you were here you hadn’t won five Grammys in one fell swoop.  When I was doing the first interviews with Realm of Jewels we were lucky to get cups of tap water.  We thought a slice of lemon was the height of luxury.”

“Yeah, well that was what?  Three hundred years ago?” She teased, moving across the room to flop down beside him on the couch with a huff, “They should at least have a water cooler or something.  Reusable bottles are the way of the future.”

“First you complain about the water they’re providing and now you’re complaining about the one their not?  Can they do nothing to please you?”

He looked over at her with a raised brow and she gave him a smirk.

“They fired Walsh so that’s a step in the right direction.”

“Thank bloody fuck,” he growled, turning back to his phone with a scowl.

Emma had eventually told him the full extent of what had happened the day of her interview with Walsh Hoakley.  Not only had the wanker reported gossip as though it were truth, which caused the brief falling out between him and Emma that had made them both miserable, but the berk had hit on her not ten minutes after.  When she finally had told him, only a few days after they had reconciled, it had taken an hour for him to calm down and at least a week for her to convince him not to fight her battles for her.  The news of Hoakley’s firing less than a year later had been celebrated with a sparkling cider toast.

“So-” Emma peered over his shoulder and he felt some of his tension melt away, “What’s got you paying more attention to your phone than the expensive goodies they’re trying to get on our good side with?”

With a snort he tilted his phone towards her, “Just going over the contract one last time.”

“We have a fancy lawyer for that don’t we?” She asked crossing her arms as she sat back, “And Ruby wouldn’t try to scam you.  I mean, look what’s happened since she decided to become my manager instead of staying in my backing band.”

“Well, aside from those five Grammys I mentioned-”

“What?!” Emma’s brows shot up and her mouth dropped open in clearly feigned shock, “I won five Grammys?  I had no idea!”

“Hush, love, you deserved them and I’m honored to brag on your behalf,” he chided though he gave her a wink, “Although, I don’t rightly think we can give Ruby the credit for that.”

She scoffed and burrowed further into the couch, “If she hadn’t forced me to let you audition then we wouldn’t have met.  Then we wouldn’t have had our grand romance that in turn inspired In the Middlemist and I wouldn’t have won those Grammys.”

“I believe that we would have met eventually, love.  If not through our careers then we would have certainly been invited to Ruby’s wedding where I would have been immediately smitten with the blonde in the crimson bridesmaid dress,” he said lowly, pleased to see her cheeks flush.

“And I probably would have freaked out even more meeting you for the first time there than at the studio.  You know how much I like seeing you in a suit-” she said huskily, leaning up to press a soft kiss under his jaw.  Then she sat back and smiled wide, “Even then Ruby would still be the reason we met.  That’s why I dedicated it to her and not you.”

“Is that why?  I thought it was because you were still upset with me over the tiny misunderstanding over your choice in vehicle.”

He gave her a knowing look and she glared right back at him.  When he raised his brow in challenge she rolled her eyes at him.

“Fine, that was part of it,” she conceded, “But I did mention you in every acceptance speech.”

“Which was wonderful aside from the camera they kept shoving in my face to capture my every proud tear in HD,” he grumbled, remembering the repeated messages from Will that were just the GIF of him crying after Emma had said she loved him onstage holding her third award of the night.  He blew out a breath, “As I was saying: aside from all that I will admit that your career has flourished under Ruby’s care.  She has become quite the adversary of Regina, stealing her best clients away.”

“Regina’s over it now,” she dismissed with a wave of her hand, “Ever since you reintroduced her to Robin in a non-business setting and then moved to that corner office things have been great.”

Just as he was about to make a somewhat lewd comment as to exactly why both those things would put Regina in a good mood there was a knock on the door.  It was opened a moment later by the intern that had initially led them there.

“They’re ready for you, if you’d like to follow me.”

He let Emma proceed him as he stowed his phone in his pocket.  She was right, of course, Ruby wouldn’t dream of sneaking in last minute changes to the contract making her his new manager.  If anything she would have been fine with a verbal agreement and the promise of making her the godmother of whatever child he and Emma might have.  Unfortunately all of their fancy, and expensive, lawyers required things in writing and in triplicate.

The intern led them to a broadcasting studio that looked like every other one he’d ever been interviewed in.  One glaring difference, however, was the radio host who squealed when she saw them and practically skipped towards them with open arms.

“Finally, you guys!  I’ve been waiting all week for this!”

Emma laughed and accepted the hug easily, “Us too, Tink.  Killian’s had it marked in all of our calendars the second Ruby booked it.”

Tink pulled back from Emma and gave him a wide smile, “I’d heard she finally got you to make it official.  There’s no stopping her now.”

“As though there was a chance before,” he chuckled. “Lovely to see you again, TInk.”

“If you guys lived here I’d see you more,” she chided gently before stepping forward to wrap her arms around him, “Everyone’s still on for dinner tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, Will wouldn’t let us hear the end of it if we didn’t,” he scoffed, giving her a light squeeze before letting go.

“Great!  I still can’t believe he ditched Emma to be in your band,” She said with a laugh, grinning broadly at Emma’s frown.  Something over his shoulder caught her eye and she nodded before focusing back on them, “Alright, my producer’s about to throw a fit if we waste any more time.  Go ahead and get settled while I do my thing.”

As he and Emma moved to the seats awaiting them Tink bounced over to her chair and donned her headphones.  With a bit of awe and intimidation he watched Tink easily slip into performance mode, softening her accent and dialing up her enthusiasm as she introduced herself and the start of her broadcast block.  She hadn’t been a DJ for long but he could clearly see she had found her calling.  When she teased their interview she gave them an overexaggerated wink that had him stifling a laugh.

After two songs and a small promo of Enchanted’s other stations Tink gave them a thumbs up as her producer let them know that their mics were live.

“That was the latest from The Killers and I don’t know about you but I’m more than ready for their new album to be released.  I’m Tink and this is Rock Alt, home to all the alternative rock hits here on Enchanted XM.  Today is a very exciting day because in the studio with me, right this very moment, are two people that you should be very familiar with: five time Grammy winner and indie darling Emma Swan and two time Grammy winner and alt rock god Killian Jones.  Once upon a time I toured with Emma as part of her backing band and on one of those more memorable tours Killian decided to join us.  Welcome, welcome!”

“I can truthfully say we’re excited to be here,” Emma chimed in brightly, her grin wide and happy.

“Yes, thanks for having us, love,” Killian said warmly. “Though I feel it’s only right to mention that those two Grammys were won with Realm of Jewels.”

“Aw, it’s only a matter of time before they’ll be joined by plenty of others, especially with this new album-” Tink waggled her eyebrows and he had a feeling she wasn’t going to go easy on them just because she was their friend. “There’s no question that you two are more than just friendly collaborators, with a couple of writing credits on each other’s albums and a duet on Killian’s acoustic cover album of Realm of Jewels’ greatest hits.  We’ve also seen the red carpet photos and Instagram glimpses of your romance.”

He looked over at Emma and received an eye roll in return.  When they’d first truly started dating they’d kept it hidden from anyone that wasn’t close friends or family.  They had both felt that they wanted to start their relationship without the hounding from the press and scrutiny from the gossip mongers.  It wasn’t until nearly a year and a half later, when Emma had clearly been his date to American Music Awards, that they’d gone public.  Even then they had both agreed that they’d keep their personal lives as private as possible and continued to do so.  Including the fact that they’d been married for two years.

“But now you’ve released a surprise album as a duo,” Tink continued, “going by the name Charles & Leia, which also happens to be the title of the album.  It’s amazing by the way and if any of you out there haven’t listened to it yet I suggest you do so, but only after this interview is over, of course.  So, how did this come about and why Charles & Leia?”

Emma gave him a shrug and a nod and he leaned closer to his mic, “As you mentioned earlier we’ve been playing together for some time now.  After that tour I was a part of we were both starting on our next albums and would often work through arrangements or fine tune lyrics, using the other as a sounding board.  This has, as evidenced, continued through the years until one day we thought we might try our hands at creating a whole album together.”

“We didn’t want it to be an album of my songs featuring him or vice versa though,” Emma chimed in. “Then it would have just been the same thing we’d already been doing which would have been fun but kinda boring at the same time.  We wanted to challenge ourselves to create something new together from the beginning.  Luckily our label was open to the idea and let us run with it.”

“And the name?” Tink prodded.

“A bit of an inside joke, really,” he said with a chuckle, reaching over to clasp Emma’s hand in his, “Whenever we made reservations or had to give a name for whatever reason I used Charles and Emma used Leia.  I don’t even remember why-”

Emma snorted, “When he made the reservations for our first date and they asked for a name he panicked.  We’d been watching The Crown and he blurted out the name Charles.  At least he didn’t completely lose his shit and say Elizabeth.”

Emma’s eyes widened at the curse and clapped her hands over her mouth.  Tink waved her hand in dismissal.  Not a moment later the producer let them know through their headphones that cursing was fine but to keep it to a minimum if possible.

“Anyway,” Emma said evenly, though her cheeks were pink, “When it was my turn to make reservations I kept it going.  Princess Leia was my hero when I was a kid.  Still is actually.”

“As she is for us all,” Killian jumped in, “Of course we no longer use those as our aliases but when we were trying to decide how we wanted to present ourselves for this album this seemed appropriate.”

“We also figured it would give people the chance to listen to the songs without already having an idea of what they thought it should sound like because they knew it was us,” Emma explained, “I mean, it’s not like we’re trying to deceive anyone or anything but a lot of times people don’t try something out because they think they know exactly what it’s going to be.  I know I’m totally guilty of it sometimes.”

“I’ve been listening to the album non-stop since it came out last week and you’re absolutely right, if I hadn’t already known that it was you two I wouldn’t have even been able to guess.  Now, I’ve played alongside both of you and have been a fan of each of your music since both of your beginnings and I have to say, Charles & Leia is nothing like the music you’ve released before.  What would you say were the biggest influences on how you approached the creation of this album?”

Killian took a moment to consider Tink’s question.  He immediately dismissed sharing the long convoluted answer that began with innocent questions about one another’s past that led to a months long search into the mystery of Emma’s beginnings that came up empty while he nearly spiralled out of control once more over the unhealed pain of his borderline abusive and neglectful father.  They were still working through some of those issues in therapy and even with the personal nature of the songs they’d written he didn’t feel it was necessary to elaborate on what the lyrics already implied.

“I can’t speak for Emma but for me it’s a look to the past and what influence it has on the present and the future.  Take the title track for instance, my mother was Irish so I looked to the old Celtic folk songs and the instruments used, mimicking the flow of the music before playing around with more modern sounds.  The result was entirely unique but still felt familiar, like an auditory deja vu, if you will.”

Tink was nodding furiously while Emma rolled her eyes at him, “I definitely won’t be that eloquent but yeah, we both have things in our past that sometimes takes a toll on who we are today.  Our music was already pretty personal.  I mean, I’ve written songs about growing up in foster care or when I was in jail but this was something else.  Every day when we finished recording whatever song we were working on I felt like I’d been turned inside out and then wrung out but in a good way?  It makes no sense but I’ve also never been this proud of one of my albums.”

“Well you should both be damn proud!  I may be the tad bit biased but I think this may be the best album to come out this year and we’re only halfway through,” Tink effused.

“Thank you lass,” he mumbled as he scratched behind his ear at the compliment.

He caught Emma’s eye and she gave him an indulgent smile.  She was well aware that sincere praise always tended to discomfit him, as he felt he was undeserving of it, especially when it came from someone he knew well.  It was something he was working on getting better at accepting, with her help of course.

“Since the album was a surprise release there hasn’t been any confirmation of a tour yet.  Any chance we’ll be seeing you two taking this act on the road?”

“We’re doing a kind of a mini tour on the east coast and then a couple of dates out here,” Emma explained, her eyes sparkling, “We didn’t want to get too ahead of ourselves and book a bunch of dates and then not have anyone show up.”

“I doubt that will be a problem,” Tink dismissed with a bright laugh, “From what I’ve been told nearly every show is sold out.  So if any of you listeners out there want to see Emma and Killian perform songs from this brilliant new album I’d say don’t wait to buy your tickets.  I already have mine.

“Now, I know this album is only weeks old and you both have flourishing solo careers but I have to ask: can we expect even bigger things from you two in the future?”

With a smile he had no hope of quelling he gave Emma a wink, though he was reasonably sure that it was nowhere near subtle.  It didn’t matter though, as no one had a clue what it could mean since she had only shown him the positive pregnancy test earlier that morning.  Emma gave him a beaming grin of her own and he kept his eyes on her as he spoke into his mic.

“I think you can, Tink.  In fact, I’m quite certain that this is merely the happy beginning of grand things to come.”

[geekgirles]

Goodbye & Broppy

After the song was released, I felt the need of doing something I haven't done in a while for the Trolls fandom: an in-depth analysis.

The lyrics of the song were a real tearjerker; the separation, the longing, the sadness, the impression of giving up as the only option... And, considering it said Justin Timberlake was supposed to sing it, and the mentions of "My queen", "My love"; it totally sounds like a Broppy song.

Now, I know @georgebeard mentioned they'd talked to an animator who confirmed the scene was indeed deleted from the film. However, as a loyal and experienced member of the Miraculous fandom, I know better than to cross out the possibility of being misled in order to avoid spoilers (I'm looking at you guys, Chloé redemption, Félix , and Chat Blanc). So, there's that.

And even if the song did not make it in the end, we must not forget the first movie and its extra content.

If you purchased a DVD copy (like myself), or were obsessed enough to search for every possible Trolls-related video on YouTube (like myself), you must have surely found the deleted scenes from the film.

Poppy's dresses.

Poppy's storytelling.

"Bringing Back Happy."

And that's what I wanna talk about!

Bringing Back Happy was a, rather early (considering its storyboard stage), villain song that Chef was supposed to sing. So, even if Goodbye doesn't make it into Trolls World Tour, the chances of it appearing as extra content are pretty high, considering it was even mentioned before the release of the movie.

If that weren't enough for ya, there's more. Don't worry.

As I mentioned earlier, if you're familiar with the deleted scenes, you'll know 2/3 were in a very advanced stage of animation before being scrapped. Not to mention, the one major change we got no info about: turning Poppy's coronation party to the 20 year anniversary since they escaped the bergens. Again, a scene so advanced in its animation stage that even made it to the trailer!

Moreover, there's this detail in the very first trailer of Trolls World Tour that stuck with me: Branch's quote "This is a terrible idea that will blow up in your face!"

Which, if we compare it to his supportive attitude in the latest trailer ("I'm coming with you"), is completely different and even unexpected.

And that leads me to this: there are many reasons why a scene would be deleted; it gives a character a quality they didn't want, Chef didn't get to sing because it made her too funny, while Poppy didn't wear her dresses because it made her look spoiled; it becomes longer than they expected, another reason for the dresses and, I think, for the storytelling; or it changes the vibe of the movie greatly (if you guys knew the original script for How to train your dragon 2...).

On a side note, I remember a post from long ago that explained that one of the reasons its OP liked trolls so much was because, unlike the vast majority of films, Poppy and Branch never really had a fall out. They were always together.

What do I mean with this?

What if their fall out happens in this movie? What if Branch says that line out of frustration and Poppy and him, both devastated, are forced to go their separate ways?

That would be the perfect cue for a song as romantic and heartbreaking as Goodbye.

Not to mention, it would also explain how on Earth Poppy could be captured by Barb, alone. Because there's no way Branch wouldn't go down with her otherwise, and you know it.

Now that the song analysis and theorizing is out of the way, let's move on to the deeper part of the analysis: Broppy itself.

As someone who's been a hardcore Broppy shipper even before watching the movie, you can believe me when I say that it'll devastate me if they killed Broppy.

Even so, I also consider myself as someone both highly emotional and analytical, hence, why I create such analysis on the things I love. Trolls being no exception.

Something I want to talk about to make you all understand my point of view is the way Dreamworks works (as I see it). And for that, I'd like to compare Trolls, HTTYD, their tv shows, and their main ships, Broppy and Hiccstrid; respectively.

If there's something I've noticed about Dreamworks and Disney, that's that Disney movies have a much greater stand-alone value than Dreamworks'. That's why 95% of its films end with an extra-official couple or why their sequels are either shitty compared to the original (Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Mulan...) or a fucking masterpiece. I mean, take Frozen, for instance. The film made a major point on criticising Disney's "I get together with someone I barely know and we live happily ever after" trope. And yet, even if it was much subtler and less intense than usual, that's exactly what happened with Anna and Kristoff. Maybe they weren't married, but they got officially together. And as for Frozen II... I haven't seen it, but I've been told it's very, very different than the first one, and very, very good.

So, yeah. Stand-alone value.

But Dreamworks... Dreamworks manages to reach beautiful conclusions that, at the same time, let the plot perfectly open for more stories to be told.

Seriously, just watch How to Train your Dragon!

Every film had its ending, but it also made you wonder what was gonna happen next. It made you understand that the saga wasn't over, just a part of it. And I think that's what they're trying to achieve with Trolls.

I mean, sure. The plot of the sequel wasn't what we expected at all and made many of us think about the astounding amount of fanfics that delved in the possible existence of different kinds of trolls... But it left us all with one question in our minds, "what now?" And, at the same time, the film had reached a beautiful conclusion.

See what I mean?

I wholeheartedly believe this is something Dreamworks aim to achieve with its pairings. They don't want them to be rushed, they want to develop them. Sure, they want us to see there are ships, but they strive to form deep, strong relationships with much more meaning behind than just sharing an adventure together.

And that, that is something I can clearly see with Hiccstrid and Broppy.

If we take HTTYD, the hints on the romantic relationship between Hiccup and Astrid were even greater than Poppy and Branch's. Heck, they even kissed. And you know what was their official description for Riders of Berk to half of Race to the Edge? Not-so-platonic best friends.

But that's because they took the time to naturally develop and strengthen their bond!

Which is what I think is supposed to happen to Poppy and Branch.

Sure, they are close. Sure, they were on a life-changing adventure together. Sure, they are countless hints on their romantic feelings.

But they still spent 20 years being practically strangers.

They still need to learn how to be a team together. They still need to learn how the other works. They still need some basic ground.

If we keep on comparing the two films, we must not forget that HTTYD 2, despite having Hiccup and Astrid as betrothed, wasn't as heavy on their romance as the first and third movie were.

Because the focus of the film was Hiccup becoming a leader. Not becoming Astrid's husband.

And, considering the plot of Trolls World Tour, it's still very possible that it won't be as heavy on Broppy as it was the prequel. After all, TWT is more about diversity and harmony than happiness, which is what made the contrast between the optimistic princess and the cynical survivalist so important for Trolls.

But, please, fear not. This does not necessarily mean that Broppy is dead. It just means we might have to be careful about letting our hopes up and, more importantly, in case nothing is conclusive about these two in Trolls World Tour, that we just have to be a little more patient.

After all, a good written ship never disappoints.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

So lately I've been reading a lot of your fics and I was wondering if you would do one for genderswap James and Sirius. You can genderswap one or both, it doesn't matter. Also great writing, I love reading your stories.

((A/N: I’m not really comfortable writing normal genderswap, so this is a dimension crossover, where women James and Sirius come over and meet the guy versions of themselves))

"So you wanted to go forward in time to see what you'd look like in ten years, but wound up here instead?" Sirius asked. That was what he'd gotten from the story at least. 

Girl-Sirius nodded. It was an alternate universe version of him, so it should've looked more like him than anyone else, but mostly she looked like Bellatrix. Girl-James had looked like James only with longer hair, so it hadn't been a mystery who she was. Trying to get all four of them to take turns talking hadn't worked so well when they appeared out of nowhere, so they'd decided to pair off and then compare notes afterwards. "Me and Jamie did the modifications on the time turner last week. It should've been fine but now we're in this bloody weird place instead," she said, wrinkling her nose as she looked around. 

Sirius glared at her. Yeah maybe this universe wasn't the greatest thing ever, but he was staying with the Potter's instead of being trapped in Grimmauld Place. This place was pretty damn swell to him. Plus they were in his room, and his room looked great. "What, you don't like bikes?" 

"Can't say they're my style, no," she said, eyeing one poster like it was particularly foul. 

Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes. "I guess you can't teach taste." 

"What are you doing with a room in the Potter mansion anyways? Or is this not the Potter mansion here?" 

"It is. Are you still living with your parents?" 

"Well yeah, I'm sixteen. You're not?" 

"Fuck no. I mean, I'm sixteen, yeah, but I'm not living with them anymore. They sort of kicked me out." Sirius made a face then added, "I sort of left." 

"Why'd they kick you out? Like yeah, I bloody hate them, but I've only got to stick it out for another couple breaks and then I can get the hell out of there. What did you do?" 

Sirius didn't really know what to do with this. This was weirder than her being a girl-version of him. She still lived there? "I- well- I mean, they didn't take it well when they found out about me and James." To put it lightly. 

"That you're friends?" she said, frowning. "My parents knew about that a week into first year; how did you hide it for that long? Are you not in Gryffindor?" 

"What?" Sirius asked, frowning at her in return. "They didn't like that we were dating." They hadn't liked that they were friends either, but it was sort of a footnote with Sirius not being a blood supremacist and having a detention log longer than the Black Family Tree and liking muggle inventions. "Totally lost their shit when they caught us. Mr. and Mrs. Potter already knew, so they said I could live with them. That's why I'm here. Nowhere else to go, y'know? Not that I mind living here. The only bad thing to come from it so far is that they both talked to us about safe sex. That's an hour of my life that I can't erase from my memory." 

"Wh- you and Jamie?" 

"Yeah." 

"Really?" 

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm bloody amazing." 

"Sure, but Jamie's..." 

"What about James?" If Sirius got into a fight with himself over James being the best thing on the planet, then that's just what he had to do. 

"Well I don't know about yours, but my Jamie is definitely not interested in me. She's only got eyes for Lily sodding Evans." 

Sirius blinked. This was so buggering weird. "James fancied Lily, but only for the first couple years of school. He got over her ages ago." 

"Good for him. My Jamie's acting like she's never going to get over her, and even if she did, she wouldn't want me." 

"You sound awfully sure. Did she say that?" 

"She didn't have to," Girl-Sirius grumbled. 

"Huh." 

"What?" 

"I'm no longer the dumbest person I know." 

"Hey!" 

"Oh come off it, mate," Sirius said. "You can't know for sure that your James doesn't like you unless you ask her. And you can't be an arse about it. Walking up and demanding to know if she fancies you is a great way for her to think you're being insincere." 

"What kind of ponce are you? Insincere? Talk to her? No thanks, I'd rather not embarrass myself and utterly ruin our friendship." 

"If you can ruin your friendship with her by telling her that you fancy her, maybe it wouldn't be that big of a loss. And for your information, I am the best kind of ponce. I wear makeup and I have a skirt and everything." 

Girl-Sirius snorted. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Berk. Look, I'm glad that everything's worked out for you and your Jamie, but it's not like that with us. I've got a little crush. So minor it's barely worth mentioning, and she's never looked at me like that." 

Sirius didn't believe that for a second, so he rolled his eyes and muttered, "Whatever. Want to go see how they're doing? Wait. D'you still have the time turner you used?" 

"Jamie has it." 

Sirius nodded, and they left his room to go to James's. His door was open so they were able to walk right in, and instead of leading with anything helpful to getting them back to their own world, Sirius said, "Did you know that they're not dating?" 

James pointed at Sirius and gave his counterpart a meaningful look. "See? I told you it's weird." Then he dropped his hand and grinned at Sirius. "I like our universe." 

"Only because of that? Not because you- I dunno, like being a bloke?" 

"Meh," James said with a shrug, and Sirius laughed. 

"You've got the time turner?" Sirius said, looking at Jamie. 

"Yeah." She pulled it out of her pocket, then they all frowned at it. That did not look like a normal time turner. For one, the sand was red. For another, the rim was silver instead of gold. "Er. It didn't look like that before. We tried to turn it again when we figured out we weren't in the right place, but it's like it was stuck. It was the right colour back then, though." She blinked. "Erm. I don't really know what to do with this," she said, shoving it back in her pocket like they wouldn't have to worry about it if they couldn't see it. 

"Talk to the Ministry?" James suggested, making a face. None of them wanted to talk to the Ministry about anything official-- James and Sirius because they were animagi, and their counterparts because they'd gone into this hoping to misuse a time turner and they were going to get in deep shite for that. 

"Last resort," Sirius said. "As much as I'd love to sit here and make fun of you two for not thinking this through, I'm hungry." 

James snorted. "Like we always think shite through." 

"Hey, have we ever gotten stranded in an alternate universe? No. Bugger off." 

They made sandwiches and talked about ways to get them back and the magical theory that they had used on the time turner. They were barely getting into it when Mr. and Mrs. Potter got back home. "Hmm," Mrs. Potter said, eyes taking in the scene in front of her. "Dear? Do you mind explaining?" 

"You know how I always said I wanted two Sirius's?" James said with a bright grin. 

His parents blinked. "We're going to go to my study," Mr. Potter said. "Can we trust that when we get home from dinner with the Longbottom's tonight this will be resolved?" 

"Er," Sirius said. "We'll try our best?" It was the best he could offer since none of them knew how quickly they'd be able to do this. They didn't even know what 'this' was. They had no idea what they needed to do, and once they figured that out, there was no telling if it was going to be a quick fix or if they had to wait a month or summat. 

Mr. Potter nodded, but they hesitated before leaving the room entirely. "You know boys, an orgy can seem like a lot of fun, but you have a responsibility to-" 

"Oh Merlin," Sirius moaned, covering his face. 

Mrs. Potter started to talk. "You should always be safe and-" 

"Mum," James cut in, face flaming. "We're fine. We'll see you later." 

She hummed, and the adults left the room. James dropped his head to the table. 

"I thought it couldn't possibly be worse than the last time." 

"It wasn't; they didn't finish this time," Sirius muttered from behind his hands. "Let's just forget that ever happened." 

Girl-Sirius wasn't quite so willing to let it go though. "What did you mean when you said you wished you could have two Sirius's?" 

"Well Sirius is the best thing ever, so if I have two of them, than the world is twice as amazing." James stated it so plainly; he'd thought about this before. 

"You really are head over heels, aren't you?" Jamie said. 

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Frankly, I don't understand why you're not bothered by not being with him. Her," he corrected with a frown. "The Sirius in your universe. It's just weird to think that we're the same person but you don't care about that. I've been half in love with him from the moment we met, but you're busy chasing after Lily." 

"Not to take sides," Sirius said, "but you chased Lily for a while." 

"That is totally different. I chased Lily because I didn't know if you were bent. You might remember that I stopped the moment I found out." 

Sirius thought back and- bugger, yeah, James really had done that. "Huh. You're totally love struck with me." 

"It's my natural state of being," James said, nodding. "But whatever, let's deal with the tossers who've decided they're better apart." 

"We're not better apart," Girl-Sirius said, rolling her eyes. "We're just... not dating. It's not a big deal. Mates don't have to be shagging to be close." 

"Peter and Remus will be so relieved to hear that," Sirius said flatly. 

"Before we get back into time turner shite, can I kiss you?" Jamie asked, looking at Sirius. She had her arms crossed on top of the table and was leaning forward a little. 

Sirius glanced at James, who shrugged. It was just another version of James, and he wouldn't mind that. Would it even really count as kissing another person? Sure this version of James wasn't dating him, but it was James. "Sure." 

Jamie grinned. Merlin, she really did look so much like him. "Aces. Erm, not right this second though, because I don't want everyone to stare." 

"Everyone would include my boyfriend and your best mate; it's not like a big audience." 

"I don't know what blokes are like," Girl-Sirius said dryly, "but for girls, we don't watch our friends snog people." 

"Sounds like you could be having more fun," James said with a wink. "Relax, we'll figure out how to get you home, they'll kiss, and we'll all live happily ever after." 

"That's a very strange fairy tale," Jamie said. 

"Those are the best kind," Sirius said, smirking. 

[btsqualityy]

Netflix & Chill

Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: protected sex (Ya’ll know Hobi and his wife aren’t for the fuckshit right now lol), literal Netflix and Chilling

Author’s Note: So, a lot of my followers told me that they would love for me to create some NSFW imagines for each of the couples from the Toddler Series! After getting some ideas of what you guys wanted to see, I’ve written them! There will be one imagine for each couple and I’ll be posting one a day for the next week! I hope you guys enjoy it!

“Oh my gosh Hobi, look!”

“Un-huh.”

“Hobi, I’m serious!”

“I am too.”

“Hobi!” You whined. “It’s about to show who the killer is,” you said as you pointed up to the television in your bedroom.

“Y/N-ah, baby, I’m a little preoccupied with something else right now,” he murmured huskily as he thrusted into you from behind. “You should be too.”

“I really wanted to finish this movie though,” you complained. “Every time we settle down to watch Netflix, we can never actually finish the movie because you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”

“I’ve never heard any complaints out of you before,” he smirked as he plunged deeper into you, causing you to let out a loud moan. “Have I?”

“N-no,” you shook your head as you stretched your arms out in front of you, gripping the sheets on the bed in between your fingers.

“And shouldn’t you be paying more attention to your husband rather than some movie?” He said.

“Yeah, but I wanted to see this!” You reiterated. Hobi chuckled deeply and then leaned down so that his chest was against your back. 

“But a movie can’t make you come, can it?” He whispered into your ear as he slow stroked you.

“Depends on what kind of movie it is,” you teased, making Hobi groan and sit up on his knees again.

“You’re just begging for me to punish you, you know that right?” He questioned.

“Hobi, you’ve been fucking me for 20 minutes now. You and I both know that you couldn’t hold back from coming long enough for you to punish me,” you giggled.

“Ok, screw you for knowing me so well,” he laughed, making you do the same. “Turn over for me.” He slipped out of you and watched as you moved to lay on your back. He then settled in between your legs, looking into your eyes as he pushed his cock back into you.

“This is completely off topic,” Hobi said as he slowly thrusted deep into you. “But how surprised are you that Lennox and Berk haven’t come knocking on our door yet?”

“Not very,” you chuckled, reaching up and running your hands over his chest and up to his shoulders. “My brother tired them out for us really good earlier today.”

“Thank god for him,” Hobi murmured, leaning down and leaving open mouthed kisses on your collarbone. He delved further into you, and you suddenly became aware of how close your orgasm actually was.

“Hobi,” you whimpered, tightening your grip on him. 

“Gonna come?” He wondered and you nodded your head rapidly. “Go ahead then. Don’t hold back.” He continued to fuck you, and it didn’t take you long at all to come on him. 

“Fuck, where do you want my cum baby?” He asked you.

“My boobs,” you said and Hobi groaned loudly as he pulled himself out of you and pulled off the condom that he had on. He then shuffled so that he was hovering over your stomach and stroked his cock quickly. You couldn’t help but to moan at the sight as his cum splattered over the expanse of your breasts. 

“Fuck,” Hobi huffed as he finished coming, setting his hands on the bed next to your head and hunching his back. The two of you stayed like that for a while, the only sound being heard throughout the room being the sound of both of your ragged breathing.

“So,” you spoke up, making him look down at you. “Can you go get me a towel so that I can finish the movie?”

“God, I can’t stand you,” he muttered before moving off of you and walking to the bathroom, making you laugh loudly at his reaction.

[dzamie]

What is your opinion on the third movie htyd?

It was visually fantastic. The plot was bad, and the characters were less than stellar. Still a strong movie, but definitely the weakest of the three. Here’s a read-more because I T ‘ S   R A N T   T I M E   B A Y B E E

The light fury was fantastic. She looked beautiful, was sufficiently wild and catlike again (my main complaint against the 2nd and 3rd movies is that Toothless acts way more like a dog in them), and I love her cloaking ability. Shoving Hiccup off of Toothless only for Toothless to dive towards him, was mirrored beautifully with shoving Toothless to safety, then diving towards Hiccup to save him, too.

Toothless was... back and forth. I suspect I would’ve liked the mating dance scene had I not seen it in the trailers so many times already - as it was, it was hard to watch. I liked him pining for his ability to fly when Light took off and expected him to follow, and his exchange with her when she shoved Hiccup off was hilarious. I’m never a big fan of “infatuated at first sight” plotlines, though, so he definitely had the weaker part of the romantic subplot. And the lightning thingy was really cool, but I wish they’d used it between him discovering it an using it against the controlled dragons - not only would it follow the “rule of 3,” but it also would’ve made it seem less like “it’s not a deus ex machina if we show it once before” and more like something he could’ve practiced or played with, especially when flirting. Also, not really digging how Toothless is suddenly ruler over all the Hidden World. He took down one Bewilderbeast. ONE!! And it’s not like Light is clearly, undisputably Queen Of Hidden World by being a light fury, because there are other light fury families in the background! It seemed like a decision made to give him a reason to stay in THW instead of just... having a nest with Light somewhere away from Berk (for her comfort) but within a reasonable flight (for his).

Hiccup was dumb. I can only imagine that this took place about five years after HTTYD2 or even more, because that is an awful lot of trust to put on the line for some whackadoodle plan that has no guarantee of fruition. In the first movie, some Vikings were a little on the edge about finding the Nest, despite knowing that it must exist, and that finding it would be objectively better than not doing so. In 3, Hiccup somehow gets them to all agree on something that is incredibly unlikely to exist, they have no idea where it is, and it’s unknowable if their lives would improve or worsen from finding it. Also? After that big, climactic battle where Berk only wins because both Vikings AND dragons were working together? “Oh well I guess we don’t need each other, and we’re probably better off separate.” NO YOU DUMBFUCK GO GRAB YOUR BIG SCALY DOG AND SET UP A TIMESHARE

The other riders were actually really good. I loved Tuff’s “come, cry into my long, manly beard” stuff, and Ruff annoying the hell out of Villain Guy. Valka, too; she continued to move far more in sync with Cloudjumper than the other riders did with their dragons, which is great because they’ve presumably been flying together, isolated from Vikings, for over two decades. Actually, just typing that makes me even madder about the “uwu we can’t live together anymore” ending. Those two spent TWENTY YEARS happily together, there is NO WAY either of them would just be “oh okay, bye then.” Nope, even if everything else happened like that, Valka would either become That One Dragon Lady or Cloudjumper would just... “Valka. I hope you’re ready for a couple more decades among only dragons.” Like... “oh, Chief Hiccup said dragons are going away” “aye well the last chief said dragons were evil killers and to slaughter them on sight and look what Hiccup did. Looks like disobeying stupid orders runs in the family.”

Villain Guy. Whatever his name is. I’m calling him VG because I don’t respect him. He looks smart not because he IS smart, but because he’s never in the same room as people who can walk and think at the same time, except for when he’s threatening Hiccup. His motivation is roughly the same as Drago’s, but instead of combat ability and a goddamn Bewilderbeast, he has an endless potion of Plot Contrivance. Ah, yes, we know that Berk will go west because Sherlock Holmes But Unlikable has declared that furies don’t like the cold, despite Toothless loving to play in the snow and having the time of his life - it can’t possibly be that the map has your army one way, islands on a straight shot west, and literally nowhere else to go. How devious of you, to have put off killing Ruff and that other dragon for long enough to get the basic idea of following an unwitting pawn to your destination (a destination that YOU KNOW THE LOCATION OF ALREADY). Like yeah dude I get it you think you’re the Joker or Moriarity or something and you’re in it for The Thrill Of The Hunt, but, like, you don’t arm your men with anti-dragon weaponry at all when it comes to finally swing that trap shut. What happens if, somehow, your masterfully masterminded master plan of mastery fails to capture the Alpha, because who knows maybe alpha furies are magically immune to Plot Venom? Well, I guess you just lose. Helluva linchpin if you ask me.

Seriously, I suspect the guy only retains control of that huge fleet because the three numbskulls whose men they actually are are so ridiculously incompetent that he simply went “hey let’s toss a coin, heads I get your army tails you give me your army” and they responded “yeah that seems right.”

“Furies mate for life” boy wouldn’t it SUCK if Light already had a partner before you caught her? Wouldn’t it be JUST MISERABLE for you if Light decided that actually, fuck Toothless, he’s too human? Wouldn’t it just RAIN ON YOUR PARADE if it turned out that mating for life is a behavior only exhibited in cruel, forced captivity and thus is not present in Light, a wild fury, or Toothless, a fury who, the very moment he expressed desire, got Hiccup to build him a working tail? Wouldn’t it be just MAGNIFICENT if Toothless was already mated to Hiccup and Astrid? anyway my point is that this guy’s presented as a mastermind and he’s about as much a mastermind as Monster Musume’s generic protagonist.

HTTYD3 was a beautiful move and I don’t regret a single second nor cent I spent on it. But boy, could it have been so much better.

[ruffnut-jorgenson]

Not-So-Secret

yo i wrote something what the heck. i’ve been so busy and i’m so so so sorry. this isn’t that good but i actually like the idea so i might write another part! anyways, enjoy and let me know what you think of thisssss

____________________

“You have to be joking. Please tell me you’re joking.” Ruffnut shook her head at her best friend. She held the pillow tightly to her chest while Astrid continued to ramble. “You...and Snotlout? Like, Snotlout Jorgenson?!” Ruffnut jumped up to cover her friends mouth.

“Shhh! Someone will hear you! But, yes...it was a one time thing...” Sitting down on the bed together they simple starred at the wall. Astrid decided to break the silence.

“I mean...was he...good?” Ruffnut’s eyes went wide before she shoved her friends arm.

“Astrid!”

“Sorry! You know what, I have to go. I was meant to met with Hiccup awhile ago. I’ll see you later.” Astrid made her way to the door before leaving the blonde alone in the Clubhouse. A few moments passed as Ruffnut began to sharpen her spear, focusing on the way the knife carved into the wooden stick to create a pointy end. Dragons growled in the distances as the fire burnt out, leaving the moon as the only light source. Letting out a groan Ruffnut swung around on her chair to light the fire once more. Reaching for a stick a strong arm wrapped around her waist, the other landed on her mouth. She immediately knew who it was, recognising the muscle and strong hold.

“Shhh, it’s just me.” Snotlout let go of the girl as she wiggled away from him.

“Ugh, what do you want?” Snotlout sat down next to the girl, grabbing her hands.

“I want you, Ruffnut...” The girl rolled her eyes before yanking her hands away.

“Yeah, right. You only want me because I’m the only option. You only want me for my body. I’m not the smartest girl but i’m surely not an idiot, Snotlout. I see right through you.” Snotlout sighed before moving closer to her.

“Ruff, I could go to any island in the Archipelago and find myself a girl. Nothing is stopping me from going and finding someone, someone not from Berk. But I don’t want anyone else. I really really like you, Ruffles.” Hearing him call her the name he always used to call her when they were kids made her smile slightly. Remembering all the times they spent together got her thinking for a second. Snotlout sure was an awesome friend. Could he be an even better boyfriend? Or would it just ruin the friendship?

She thought for awhile longer. Snotlout stared at her intensely, waiting for her to say something. Anything. Her eyes drifted up to his as she allowed herself to get lost. Her mind went fuzzy as she remembered all the little flirty comments. All the small kisses she never told anyone about. The long makeout sessions that left her breathless, though she wouldn’t tell him that. And the night they shared together a few moons ago. All these thoughts raced around her before they disappeared, leaving her alone in her head.

“What the hell.” Grabbing his face she smashed her face into his. The couple held on to each other for dear life as their lips moved in sync. Ruffnut groaned as Snotlout pulled her on to his lap, her spear was long forgotten on the floor.

“Oh, Ruff...”

“Sh! Don’t talk, you’ll make me regret this.” With that Snotlout shut his mouth, kissing her with full force. His hand traveled down her back, reaching the bottom of her spine. The girl pulled away just as quickly as she had pulled him in. “Well, that was okay. G’night Snotty.” Ruffnut waved before picking up her spear, rushing out of the Clubhouse into the night. Snotlout sat dumbfound, watching the door. He shook his head before standing up. He wasn’t gonna let her leave, not again.

He rushed out of the clubhouse, making his way to the twins hut. Through the night, he noticed the blonde beauty ahead of him. Rushing behind her, he grabbed her arms pushing her against the rocky mountain.

“Snotlout! What are you do-“ She was cut off as Snotlout pushed himself on to her, kissing her fiercely. The girl pushed back before wrapping her arms around his neck. The face paced love they were experiencing was very new but very exciting.

“Ruffnut. I need more from you.” Ruffnut looking into his eyes, seeing lust and maybe, love. Just maybe. She nodded her head.

“Take me back to your hut.” Snotlout raised an eyebrow before swooping her up. Fulfilling her request.

———————

Terrible terrors sang on the rooftops as Snotlout stirred in his bed. Peeling his eyes open he noticed the girl sleeping next to him, snoring lightly. Focusing on her face he smiled. Light freckles tickled her face, her eyelashes brushed her cheeks, golden curls surrounded her heavenly body. He couldn’t help but lean down to place a kiss on her soft lips. Groaning she opened her eyes, spotting the man above her.

“Morning...” He whispered, moving a strand of hair out of her hair.

“Uh. Hi.” She rolled into his arms as he stroked her back.

“We need to get up before the others wonder where we are.” Ruffnuts eyes widened as she sat up, the blanket falling from her chest.

“Tuffnut. Oh no, he’s probably wondering where I am.”

With that, the door to Snotlout’s hut opened exposing the couple to whoever stood outside. Ruffnut gasped as she pulled the blanket over herself, Snotlout wrapped around her protectively. There stood the rest of the gang in shock.

“What. The. FUCK.” Tuffnut fumed before Astrid grabbed him, Hiccup slamming the door shut. “Let me go! Let me at the bastard!” Astrid rolled her eyes at Tuffnut remark before pushing him back.

“Relax for one second!”

Hiccup knocked on the door before speaking.

“We’ll uh, meet you guys in the Clubhouse once you’re ready and uh...um, yeah. Okay.” Hiccup awkwardly walked away with Fishlegs and Heather.

“Tuff, we will talk to them LATER. For now, let them get ready okay?” Astrid held a strong grip on Tuffnut before dragging him up to the clubhouse as he grumbled behind her.

Snotlout was still holding Ruffnut before they turned to look at each other.

“Fuck me...” Ruffnut groaned, rubbing her head in annoyance.

“Gladly, babe.”

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Last Minute Xmas Gifts for the People You Tolerate

Well, it’s one sleep until having to see all the relatives you’ve spent the last year trying to forget you had. Or Xmas as it’s also known. I kid, I kid. I actualy get on fairly well with most of my family, which is pretty fucking amazing considering I don’t get on well with anyone else in the universe. Plus, being back at the family home (a tiny rented semi-detached in a village miles from anywhere) makes a pleasant change from staying in London (in an even smaller terrace house surrounded by noise pollution, smog and toilets that don’t flush properly because the science of water pressure be a harsh mistress). I’m pretty relaxed this year, too. I mean, I’m always a seething cauldron of barely-repressed rage, but aside from Standard Operating Procedure, I’m relaxed. I got everyon’s presents sorted out in the plenty of time, after all. I’m guessing, however, that at least some of you will still be struggling for last minute Xmas gifts. Don’t worry, I have some ideas for you.

1. The Complete Dovstoyesky Omnibus We all know at least one uncultured swine who refuses to read anything more complicated than the back of a cereal box and who is, consequently, a tedious berk in conversation. This season, get the illiterate motherfucker in your life the gift of Some Culture, whether they want it or not: inflict the collected works of Dovstoyesky on them and watch their brain literally melt with delight and confusion.

2. A Single Plastic Xmas Bauble, Frosted with Chocolate and Decorated with Rainbow Sprinkles from Pound Land Know someone adventurous? Give them a culinary experience they’ll never forget and may not survive. Bonus points if you can some sneak an extra-hot ghost pepper into the middle of the bauble.

3. Just Be Honest and Get a Vibrator Xmas is the loneliest time of year for many people- especially bitter married couples who have to confront the fact that they’re spending another holiday season with someone whose every fart and utterance they’ve come to deeply resent. That’s why I suggest provided a gift that will provide the happy ending they thought they were getting on their wedding day: a big, fuck-off vibrator. Get His and Hers ones, or make ‘em share. Maybe it’ll rekindle the bond between them.

4. Arson Now, you may be wondering how arson can possibly be a gift. Let me tell you. Find a building that your loved one has come to hate with a deep and burning ferocity (be at a police station, a gym or that new Taco Bell that’s made the high street five times more crowded and unbearable)... then set fire to it. Don’t forget to take lots of photos to give to your family member/friend/life partner (delete as approriate) on Xmas day.

5. Grown-up Handmade Vouchers You know how on special occasions kids sometimes give their parents cutesy hand-drawn vouchers that say things like ‘Good For One Hug’ or ‘Will Clean the Car’? I think it’s about time to bring those back now you’re all adults and know what your parents actually want from you. ‘Present This Voucher to Make me Fuck Off and Leave You to Your Gin and Quizz Shows’. ‘Good For 24 Hours of Pretending I’m Doing Something Productive With My Life in Front of Your Awful Friends’. ‘This Voucher Prevents All Uses of the Word “Buggercunt” for Three Days’. ‘Present This Voucher and I’ll Cover For You While You Have an Ill-Advised Mid-Life Crisis Affair With That Guy/Gal From Work’. You know, that sort of thing.

6. A Mix-Tape of Hatefully Bad Songs Nothing brings people together more effectively than complaining about bad music, so give the gift of togetherness with a pirated mix tape featuring the smug, pseudo-deep flailings of Bono, the repetetive fauxminist bleating of Beyoncé and an eighty-three minute loop of James Blunt trying to sing You’re Beautiful while Kirsty McColl’s justly vengeful ghost stuffs him into a tumble dryer.

7. Pizza No, really. A pizza. Just a big fucking pizza. Everyone likes it, it’s impossible for it to be bad and it’ll be the thing that saves Xmas when the big, fancy dinner inevitably goes on fire.

8. My Book, Blood Sport for Cynics Don’t forget that if you really want to ruin someone’s Xmas, you can still buy a copy of my best blog entries and essays, collected in book form, HERE. It will arrive late, hurt their feelings and be full of the kind of bleak, existential insights into life that will send them into an ontological tailspin.

Well, that’s it. I’m out of ideas. I’ll see you wankers and wankettes after Xmas.

[tysonrunningfox]

Ripped: Part 6

So much happens in all of these chapters, like, oh my god guys, I’m so stoked about this

Also, @thisisnotberk drew the most beautiful fanart today  and it’s my favorite thing and PERFECTLY timed because this chapter is all about Hiccup and Snotlout and you should see how beautiful they are because they’re beautiful. Thank you again!!!!

AO3 

Hiccup doesn’t realize his arm is still around Astrid’s shoulders until the front door of her apartment building is securely shut behind them, the hallway quiet except for his heart pounding in his ears and the echo of a scream rattling around his brain.

“Sorry,” he lets go of her arm, hand hanging awkwardly at his side, “I didn’t, um—”

“What do you think that was?” Astrid looks back over her shoulder as she climbs the stairs, keys jingling in her hand. “Should we report it?”

“What like call the cops and say someone screamed downtown?” He follows her, too addled to feel uninvited and too warm from walking back so quickly. He unzips his jacket as she unlocks her front door and leaves it open behind her. “Last time I checked, screaming isn’t illegal.”

“Have you seen the noise violation laws?” She kicks her boots off and starts pacing back and forth in her living room. The walls are bare aside from a single frame that holds what looks like a diploma and the only furniture is a chair and a beat-up coffee table. It looks less like the crime scene photos with Astrid living in it, vibrant and not as scared as she probably should be. Gearing up for a fight more than running from one.

“Have you?”

“Yes, the new ones are extensive,” she pauses to stare at him, blinking a couple of times to herself, “right, Tuffnut’s dossier.”

“Whose what?”

“My friend, Tuffnut,” she hands him the binder from a stool by the door serving as another tiny table, “that’s what he calls his dumb Grimborn theory binder.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.” He tucks it under his arm and looks down at the toes of his shoes butted up against the threshold to her apartment. “So umm…that wasn’t quite how I wanted to end that tour, but are you ready to subscribe to my daily Grimborn text service? It’s free for the first week.”

Astrid has an uncanny way of catching his eye even when he’s trying to avoid hers. More than that, he doesn’t feel his usual urge to shut her out when she sees through him too easily, past whatever front he put up to keep her back. Maybe his fronts aren’t up to their usual standard though, because he kind of likes feeling like something she’s trying to figure out.

He’s used to being the one with the clues, but when she treats him like a curious piece of a puzzle she’s trying to put together, it makes him interested in the final product.

“How did you want to end it?”

“I don’t know, my usual lecture about how safe Berk is now,” he tucks his hand in his pocket, “like the buildings themselves learned from the blood and I don’t know, it probably wouldn’t have worked on you.”

“That’s really corny,” she rests her hand on the doorknob, “I still think we should tell someone what we heard.”

“Tell you what, I’ll check it out on my way home, it’s right on the way.”

Astrid’s frown is impossibly familiar even if it’s not directed at him this time, more through him, and his heart stutters when he realizes it’s protective.

“You’re walking home?” She tucks her hair behind an ear that sticks out adorably far, “shouldn’t you get an Uber or something? Or ask your cousin for a ride?”

“Right, like Snotlout would give me a ride,” he scoffs. Snotlout would, of course, but it’d be more painful than it’s worth.

Plus, Hiccup has been exploring those alleys for five years now and he’s never heard anything like that. Sure, he’s been mugged once or twice, but those people were just desperate and once he started helping with Gobber’s shelter and gaining some notoriety, people just started asking him for help instead of taking what they thought they could.

Astrid’s frown deepens and it scares him when her eyes flick to her lonely chair, like she feels like she has to invite him inside. It’s not that he doesn’t want to stay longer and maybe level out the playing field a bit, given he told her about his dad and he hardly gave her a chance to talk, but well, echoing screams in Berk alleys have forced him on her enough.

“Are you worried about me?” He teases, flinching when she smacks his upper arm hard enough that he almost drops the binder. Or no, the dossier.

“That’s for taking me on a really creepy tour at a really creepy time.”

“That’s…fair—” He guesses it’s about time for something about this tour to be normal, and a stinging arm traded for Berk to go back to the generally safe place he knows doesn’t seem like too much of a trade.

Then she kisses him on the cheek, quickly like she’s hoping he’ll miss it, like that’s a possibility in any reality. When she pulls back her face is red, bright against blooming circles under her eyes as she steps back, leaning on the doorknob.

“That’s for everything else.” Astrid mutters something that sounds like an amalgamation of ‘goodnight’ and ‘good morning’ and ‘goodbye’ and shuts the door, once again leaving him with a click and his own awkward hands and pounding heartbeat.

It’s still dark outside, the buildings blocking even the idea of dawn on the horizon, and if it weren’t for the heavy binder under Hiccup’s arm, he might believe that none of that just happened. From Astrid saying she’d go on a tour in the first place to asking about him instead of Viggo and mostly, to the scream they heard that cut everything short. He offered to check it out mostly hoping that Astrid would drop it and not inform the police where they were, since they were technically trespassing on condo conglomerate territory, but now he’s curious. Curious and way too restless to go home and try and sleep before his next set of tours.

They were almost to the fourth site when they heard the scream, so he takes a shortcut, skirting through a torn section of six-foot chain link behind a new construction site and ducking under a semi full of lumber that’s blocking a wide, modern alley. He can hear the broken ‘Closed’ sign in the Ripped Tavern’s back window shorting from the rain, flashes of red light pulsing along with a blooming feeling of dread in Hiccup’s chest as he turns the corner and freezes, staring at the shadow under the street lamp.

Blood looks black in yellow light. Hiccup remembers the stain on the pavement after his father was taken to the hospital, brick red then chalky like a blackboard under the halogen buzz. This blood is fresh though, steaming on the cold concrete as it draws a stark line to the drain.

“Hello?” He calls out, stepping hesitantly forward then running when he thinks he sees movement. He’s on his knees beside the body before he realizes it was a trick of the light, his brain shielding him from something he doesn’t want to make sense of.

Unlike some worse-adjusted Grimborn enthusiasts out there, Hiccup has seen a dead body. Once, when he was twenty and shaky, a splotch on pavement engraved into the insides of his eyelids, and it wasn’t an experience he ever wanted to repeat.

This isn’t a repetition, it’s an expansion.

An anatomy lesson he didn’t sign up for, glittering with high budget HBO special effects instead of the sepia tone of a century between the camera’s snap and his own understanding. He jumps to his feet and staggers backwards, dropping everything in his hands and leaning against the nearest wall. It makes more sense from here, Mary Johnson, Grimborn’s last confirmed victim, sprawled out and cut open. Dispersed.

But it’s not Mary Johnson. The longer Hiccup looks, the clearer he can think, and the bolt of recognition jabs him again.

It’s the homeless woman he escorted to the shelter last week. What was her name? She was going through a divorce, she was…Jennifer. That’s it. Jennifer something, did she give him a last name? He doesn’t remember.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he fumbles for it, seeing Snotlout’s name on the caller ID and picking up with a shaking hand.

“So am I interrupting you and Astrid having—”

“There’s a body,” Hiccup’s own calm voice shocks him. He doesn’t feel calm, or maybe he does, maybe the shock is fading into something analytical.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I was on my way home and earlier we heard something funny, so I came to see what it was and there’s a body.”

“What? Like a dead body?” Snotlout pauses whatever he was doing in the background of the call and suddenly, Hiccup can make out the sound of tires on the salted road ahead and feet on the sidewalk. Splashes of red and blue light swirling on the walls. “Did you call the cops or just get straight to studying it, fucking hell, Hiccup—”

“Looks like they’re already here.”

“Fuck, I’m on my way,” Snotlout hangs up and Hiccup barely has time to get his phone back in his pocket before an officer is rounding the corner, flashlight flicking between the woman on the ground and Hiccup’s face.

Hiccup puts his hands up slowly and calls out, “I don’t suppose it would do anything for me if I told you I could explain, would it?”

One time when he was fifteen and deep into his Houdini phase, Hiccup handcuffed himself and tossed the key out the window. His dad was furious, it was one of the few times Hiccup thought that the offer to let him try and Houdini himself out of an actual jail cell was legitimate. Instead, he had to spend his allowance on a metal detector to scan the street for the key and ultimately found it in a storm drain and had to spend more money on a magnet powerful enough to pull it out. It was an expensive enough hassle that he considers it an unintended consequence that followed being handcuffed, and since faux fur lined handcuffs don’t incur unintended consequences, he would say that this is technically the second time he’s been in cuffs.

It’s less stressful than his second time seeing a dead body. He didn’t do anything wrong besides some mild trespassing and they give him coffee at the station, which he knows to be a gesture of good faith from all the times his dad made him deliver coffee as a gesture of good faith.

Snotlout makes his best case for uncuffing him, but gets shut down and sent to his desk, so Hiccup spends the next hour stuck to a table in an interrogation room, nursing cold coffee and trying his best to remember what he saw for a witness statement. They have his phone, so he doesn’t know what time it is when a detective finally enters, but the man’s expression leads Hiccup to believe it’s still uncomfortably early in the morning.

Early. Astrid. Crap, he didn’t get a chance to tell her, she’s going to hear about this on the news. She’s probably going to hear about him on the news.

“Detective Eretson,” he introduces himself, shaking Hiccup’s cuffed right hand and sitting down across the table with a manila folder. “You told your arresting officer that you had an explanation—”

“I do, I was just on my way home—”

“At four forty-five in the morning?”

“I, uh, well it wasn’t a date but—”

“I’m not here to ask you about your social life, Mr. Haddock, I’m here to ask how you came to be standing above this woman so soon after she was murdered that she was still warm.” Detective Eretson slides a crime scene photo across the table, the flash illuminating what Hiccup could only guess at in the dark. “Do you have an explanation for how you got to the crime scene so quickly?”

“I wasn’t that far away,” he tries to gesture but the cuffs catch a couple inches above the table, “I was going from 324 Harbor street to the north side of East street, just past the park, I took a shortcut and well, you know the rest.”

Detective Eretson nods, unconvinced, and there’s a knock at the door a split second before it opens and Snotlout sticks his head in.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Coffee,” the detective barks without looking up.

“Ok, I was talking to the witness, but you could say please.”

“Two coffees, Snotl—Officer Jorgenson.” Hiccup glares at his cousin, “please.”

“How do you know Officer Jorgenson?” The detective asks as soon as the door is shut again and Hiccup folds his hands together.

“Is that pertinent to this investigation?” He clears his throat, “sir.”

Detective Eretson would be intimidating in any circumstance, but the combination of his chin tattoo and intensely unamused gaze in particular makes the chill around Hiccup’s wrists sink in deeper, reminding him there’s no way out of this but through. And the noodle arms thing is still unfortunately true, not that Snotlout’s gym time would make him any better at busting out of here right now.

Thinking of Snotlout makes him appear, sloshing coffee down his arm as he wrestles the door open and walks inside. He sets the half empty cup in front of Detective Eretson and stands arms crossed at the side of the table, making no move to leave as the door shuts itself.

“Can I help you with something?” Eretson asks without looking and Snotlout huffs.

“I don’t know, can you?” He grumbles before standing up straighter, on tip toes if Hiccup isn’t mistaken. “I was on the phone with the witness at the time he discovered the body, I requested to assist in the interrogation—Interview. The interview”

Great, it’s an interrogation, that’s excellent news.

“I thought you weren’t on duty today,” Eretson sounds like he prefers that concept and Hiccup tries to get Snotlout to leave with an important look at the door.

“I’m not, and I’m not asking for overtime, it’s called over-achieving, look it up.”

“If we could just get on with this interview,” Hiccup hedges and Eretson stares at him for a second before turning back to his folder.

“What’s this?” He pulls out another photo of a non-descript gray binder and Hiccup’s face goes pale.

“It’s a dossier.” His voice cracks, “detailing a friend of a friend’s theory about Viggo Grimborn, it’s a joke.”

Snotlout’s glare bores into the side of Hiccup’s head and he tries to scratch his temple, only to have his wrists catch on the cuffs again.

“Viggo Grimborn?” Eretson frowns and Snotlout leans back against the wall, obviously on tip toes now, arms crossed tight as he refuses to even make eye contact with Hiccup.

“Oh, you don’t know who Viggo Grimborn is? That’s not one of the many infinite things that you know?”

“He was a serial killer in the late eighteen hundreds, I know the alleys so well because I am a Viggo Grimborn tour guide who does an informational tour about him, that’s how I knew about the short cut. Snotlout is my cousin and roommate and he called to ask when I was coming home, that snapped me out of my…utter and complete shock at what I’d found and then an officer came around the corner—”

“We had a tip of a disturbance in the area,” Detective Eretson looks levelly at Hiccup for a second, “while you were taking your shortcut, did you see anyone else?”

“No, I didn’t. I mean, except for Jennifer’s body—“

“You watched that without me?” Snotlout hisses and Eretson slams his hand on the table.

“Jorgenson, out!”

“You are not my commanding officer, actually—“

“And you can thank your lucky stars for that,” Eretson stands up and opens the door, looking pointedly at Snotlout until he goes reluctantly flat-footed. “You’re interrupting my investigation with a suspect that you know, is that something I should tell your commanding officer about?”

“No,” Snotlout deflates, looking at Hiccup one more time before trudging out of the room.

“Sorry about him,” Hiccup tries when Eretson closes the door, but there’s no sign that the detective hears him as he crosses the room again and slams his hand down, next to Hiccup’s cuffed ones. His looming should be intimidating or even frightening, but Hiccup feels disconnected from it, like he’s watching it instead of living it. Like he’s still back in that alley, seeing the future play out.

“You recognized the victim?” His voice is low and serious, toeing the line too carefully to be deadly.

“Yes—“

“So I’m supposed to take it on faith that you know the alleys because you do a serial killer informational tour and on your way home at odd hours, you stumbled across the body of someone you happen to know?”

“Know is an overstatement,” Hiccup tries to gesture again, the chain catching and clanging against the table, “I walked her to the shelter the other night, she was arguing with one of those Neighborhood Watch Force wannabes about crossing the center of town while they were trying to say curfew. Gobber, the guy who runs the shelter, can vouch for me. That’s the only time I’ve ever met her—“

“But you recognized the body—“

“Yeah, apparently I have a photographic memory when I’m in shock,” he laughs, feeling frantic and suddenly needing to escape, “every day you learn something new.”

“Well,” Eretson pulls a key ring from the pocket of his slacks and flicks past a couple of near identical keys to find an all too familiar one. Hiccup rubs his wrists when the cuffs fall away, because he’s seen people in movies do it, and maybe it’ll help with the bands of bone deep chill or the soreness from accidentally flexing against metal one too many times. “I’ll be looking into your alibi.”

“But I’m free to go?” Hiccup stands up, stumbling on his numb right foot and catching himself on the table. He has to pee, but he’ll go in a bush outside and risk a second arrest for public nudity before he stays inside the station a second longer than he has to.

“For now,” Eretson opens the door but stands in the way, looking Hiccup up and down like there’s a clue stuck to him that just hasn’t been spotted yet. “Don’t leave town.”

“I’ll cancel my knitting retreat then,” the last shred of Hiccup’s patience evaporates as he slips around the detective, running his hand through his hair and stalking towards the front door of the station. Someone at the front desk stops him and gets his information, like they don’t have that already. They give him his phone back too, but the case is on upside down, like someone tried to unlock it a little too diligently.

Snotlout is outside talking to a coworker Hiccup doesn’t recognize, but he immediately jogs over when he sees Hiccup heading for home.

“What’s going on?”

“What’s going on?” Hiccup laughs, slamming his hand against the crosswalk button with a little too much force. “Detective Eretson will be checking into my alibi.”

“Right, which is no, you weren’t murdering anyone, you were giving some girl a tour of places someone else murdered people,” Snotlout throws his arms up, “fantastic!”

“Astrid,” Hiccup stops short, patting his sides like he somehow stashed the binder in a pocket he forgot about until now, “the binder—“

“Is evidence because it’s a creepy handmade book found at a murder scene,” Snotlout catches Hiccup’s shoulder when he tries to turn into a familiar alley, “where are you going?”

“Home,” He gestures, wincing at the dull pain in his wrist, “it’s quicker this way.”

“Yeah and the last time you took a sketchy shortcut, you got arrested—“

“It’s not sketchy, it’s just cutting around the stupid condos that I hate to look at,” Hiccup sighs when Snotlout steps into the mouth of the alley and crosses his arms. “You know, no one notices that you’re shorter than them until you start with the tiptoes thing.”

“Yeah, and no one notices that you’re weird until you show up at a crime scene with a book about murders.” He snorts, “oh wait, they already knew you were weird, never mind.” He only crosses his arms tighter when Hiccup bends his knees, threatening to dodge around him. “Just walk the long way past the stupid condos.”

Hiccup stands back up straight and runs his hand through his hair, tugging and lamenting how much longer it’s going to take to get home and rinse the interrogation room and murder alley scum off.

“Detective Eretson is really under your skin, huh?” He starts walking again and Snotlout almost doesn’t follow. “Oh come on, are you going to take the shortcut?

“Maybe.”

“You know you always get lost back there.” Hiccup points up at the condo roofline, “If you’re making me walk past those monstrosities, at least come with me.”

“Fine,” Snotlout gets all of two steps down the sidewalk before he’s ranting, “and I don’t know who Eretson thinks he is, he’s been here all of five minutes, he doesn’t even know who Virgo Grimdeath—“

“Viggo Grimborn, he’s not an astrology card—“

“Whatever, he doesn’t even know who he is and he thinks he owns the place. And he’s got the stupid accent and the muscles and he’s like eighty feet tall—”

“Do you hate him or have a crush on him?”

“Shut up, Hiccup,” Snotlout narrows his eyes, “you’re a little tall yourself to be messing with me right now. Toeing the line between normal and too tall,” he snorts, “well, toeing halfway.”

“Was that really necessary?” Hiccup shakes his head, looking out at the bay to avoid glaring up at the condo façade. A seagull is eating some leavings from a gutted fish and it makes him think of what he saw in the alley and he glares at Snotlout to avoid gagging.

“We’re even.” Snotlout flexes his arm, “and it’s not all bad, I’ve been going to the gym a lot more lately because Eretson was acting like he owned the place—“

“No one thought you were a stripper, Snotlout, I don’t buy it.”

“Yeah, and you got a date with a hot girl who called you a hair fetishist, crazier things have happened.”

Hiccup doesn’t have an answer to that right away and they walk the next few blocks in silence. The earliest commuter traffic is starting to pile up on the road and the sun feels a little too bright, scalding through Hiccup’s retinas and reminding him how long he’s been awake.

“It wasn’t a date,” Hiccup stands back to let Snotlout unlock the front door of the apartment, following him in and immediately losing the mental battle not to flop into his dad’s old leather chair. He’ll clean the murder gunk off of it later. Maybe. He should have peed before sitting down but the night is catching up all at once. “She did kiss me though.”

“What?” Snotlout sets his holster on the table by the door. “And you don’t believe that one person thought I was a stripper? But I’m supposed to believe that a girl as hot as Astrid kissed you?”

“On the cheek,” Hiccup reaches up to touch his face, the static of the dry brush of Astrid’s lips lingering even though the rest of the morning, warm where the rest of him is cold, like the handcuffs chilled more than just his wrists.

“Wait, like your cheek or your actual cheek?” Snotlout raises an eyebrow and gestures at his own ass, “like am I impressed or did the middle school dance go really well?”

“My cheek on my face,” Hiccup pulls his right shoe off and lobs it at Snotlout, missing by a few inches. It leaves mud on the wall and out of the corner of his eye it looks like blood.

“Oh, so it’s lame—“

“I don’t know why I tell you anything.”

“Because if you don’t talk you explode?” Snotlout snickers, finally setting his badge on top of his other uniform accessories and walking towards the bathroom. Dammit. “I’m going to bed, dude.”

“Sounds good.”

He pauses and looks back, “you’re good about, you know, seeing the dead person, right? Because you know after I had to respond to that thing with the train I was all kinds of freaked out,” he finishes the thought with a shudder. And as annoying and overbearing and nosy, and oh, disgusting, as Snotlout can be, Hiccup feels the genuine warmth of his concern.

“Nah, I’m good, I see pictures all the time, right?”

“It’s not the same.”

“No. It’s not.”

He must fall asleep at some point because he wakes up to his phone buzzing in his pocket, a string of texts coming through all at once.

Astrid (12:00pm): Murder? Astrid (12:02pm): we heard a murder?

[starsweepersold]

                MY HTTYD 3 THOUGHTS

please keep in mind i didn’t love the film so don’t come here if you want a fluffy, in depth analysis of the good points.  and also note that these are my opinions ( on a movie which means this isn’t a big deal ) so, like... if you don’t agree, that’s fine lol.  i’m not here to draw fists, i just want to explain my side so that how i approach threads with ruffnut post the movie might make sense ( even though this rant is far from ruffnut centric ).

also.  uh.  this is long.  like.  really long.

first, let me clear up two things.  one, the plot, while my BIGGEST issue, isn’t really a bad plot overall.  it’s just... not what i think the third should have been and, ultimately, was a huge letdown for the franchise.  so i’m not surprised people like it and enjoy it.  it’s not... a terrible plot, it just.  in my mind.  ruined so much potential.  and could have been handled way better. a few changes, and i think it could have been what i wanted.  but how they approached it was just.  nah.

two, i’m going to probably address the light fury in a way that makes it seem like i hate her.  i don’t.  in fact, i liked her more than i anticipated.  character wise.  i was worried she would be rude, bitchy female who refused to even acknowledge toothless because h00man friends and found him dumb and uninteresting until he majestically saved her and they fly to the moon in loving happiness.  but she wasn’t.  she was balanced with her caution of humans while also seeing that the ones with toothless weren’t a danger so she didn’t completely and utterly avoid them.  she was interested in toothless and not just the other way around.  plus, she was just kind of cute.  so i have nothing against her as a character.  i have every problem with her as a major aspect of the plot which i do not think she should have been.  aka i think crappy writing did her wrong.  so if it seems like i ever hate or am throwing shade at the light fury, that’s not true, it’s how she’s being treated or used.  which isn’t her fault.

okay with those out of the way, one last thing.  super brief.  the animation and music was ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY LUSH.  no issues with that.  smooth, gorgeous, stunning, next to lifelike.  the imagination of the movie was a+++ so despite my other issues, i have no complaints on that.  stunning.  i would watch a thousands times over just to look at all those details tbh.

to le rant... dissertation... thing.

the hard part is figuring out how to start this.  because there are a couple... many... problem areas i just have with the movie.  so i’mma just go and hopefully i’ll get some formulaic or at least coherent explanation down.

i think my biggest disappointment was just.  the complete and utter disregard for the friendship between toothless and hiccup for sake of pretty, dragon lady ( here’s where i’m saying i’ll sound like i hate the light fury.  i don’t.  but i’ll call her being used poorly as “pretty, dragon lady” a lot because that’s essentially her entire plot use sadly ).  i get what dreamworks was trying to do, but shit did it fall flat.  did it just crumble.  it was painful for me to watch because it felt like toothless just fucking did a 180 and everything he had with hiccup was completely sidelined until the goodbye where we finally get some semblance of emotion from him about the idea that he’s leaving hiccup.

it was like watching hiccup being a foster parent and knowing he’s about to send toothless to his forever home and toothless being the happy, slobbery puppy who is just happy to be there and will love whoever he’s with.  literally like.  hiccup lets toothless go to find light fury and is like “bring her back :D” and toothless just had no plans of coming back from what we can see in his behaviors.  which is where i see what dreamworks was trying to do.  they were trying to do hiccup and toothless parallel growing up and finding their places in the world and toothless’ was to go lead the dragons while hiccup’s was to remain with berk as chief.  except for while toothless was like “yep, cool, i’m good,” hiccup was the one still thinking and worried about him ( as a decent friend would ).

they tried to explain this by using hiccup’s insecurity.  that he’s nothing without toothless, right?  and then they just.  never instill confidence in him.  even to the end he relied on toothless or the light fury.  like.  at some point they just sort of pretend like hiccup found himself, but there was really no turning point.  sure, he learns he needs to let toothless go but.

he never... finds his confidence in being a leader without toothless.  and then their friendship for the sake of all this is just.  reduced to him riding out on a boat to see the dragon and pretty, dragon lady one day when he has small children.  we had two amazing movies with these two growing together and as one and learning and developing and then in this one.  toothless just.  goes on and hiccup faces a thousand and one problems and only solves like one ( again... i understand they were growing up and moving on and it’s a story about that and how friends can last forever despite that but it just felt like they erased the deep friendship to have one move on quickly and the other just be trapped in insecure land and never give him a way out ).  it was such a “we just want to get a tear jerker” ending by that goodbye scene.  gotta make the dragons leave, gotta separate the two except the two felt on opposite ends of the spectrum the entire movie.  like the only time toothless and hiccup really felt still connected like they were in the first two movies/the beginning of the third before pretty, dragon lady was when toothless would look to hiccup while he needed help trying to do mating dances.  and even then it was more just, like... “help me win pretty, dragon lady because she’s more important!!!”

which i get it, love is love and wonderful and great but.  you didn’t... have to toss hiccup in the pit for this, you just didn’t.  and they stopped being friends but “hiccup doesn’t know how to lead without toothless” and... uh.  well.  toothless was moved on, “peace out, bro, i got pretty lady <333″

their friendship was just so incredibly special to me.  so so so so special.  it was what made me fall so in love with the first.  and hiccup breaking through drago’s control to toothless was so touching.  forgiving his friend for indirectly killing his father.  their bond.  was THE integral parts of those movies.  and in this one.  it was played off as more of a hinderance for toothless’ chance at love and freedom.  so that just.  hurt to watch.

what i wished: light fury wasn’t the massive, major plot point she was.  a side plot of them finding out there’s a light fury and hiccup trying to help toothless win her would be great.  it would have also been intriguing to see grimmel realize he missed a night fury and light fury and it would give both hiccup and toothless more incentive to fight strong and fast together to protect this new friend of theirs.

speaking of grimmel.

what a bloody letdown.

he started off so cool.  he was the night fury slayer.  he had these awesome dragons.  he could play three steps ahead.  he wasn’t phased at all by these three other... hunter warlord people.  he wasn’t this emo-looking stereotype like drago.  he was cold, manipulative.  calculating.  deadly.  went inside hiccup’s house and everything.  i was digging it.

but then his entire evil plot started to revolve around pretty, dragon lady and his... fear factor just.... diminished?  like.... badly.  like.  he knew exactly where hiccup and the tribe was going and yet somehow... lost them?  he let the light fury go... to... what exactly?  like... it was never fully explained what letting toothless and light fury meet accomplished for him.  like if toothless had just stayed with light fury in the hidden world and hiccup hadn’t come with astrid, what could grimmel have done?  he just.  lost.  he only had a chance again because hiccup’s needy, ex girlfriend like status got him and astrid caught and toothless had to save their asses.  and then somehow he needed ruff to lead him to them?

...he literally pointed at the islands the berkians could be at on a map.  how did he just suddenly lose them.  how did he not know they were on an island without ruffnut where did his excellent tactical skills go?

oh, wait.

he had to get made dumb and weaker because if he actually remained a decent villain then pretty, dragon lady would get less screen time in favor of a decent fight.  and they made him call it a “waiting game” and that the time was what made it fun but.  it was just an excuse to forget about him for a bit so we could get back to toothless trying to mate.

you have the guy who wiped out the night furies and he just.  sits back and lets them have fun dance time and go find the hidden world and literally never leave the first island they settled on and he does.... nothing....... until they go to him.

i’m sorry, what.

the killer of night furies?  more like the killer of a decent villain plot :/

don’t even get me started on his “death” scene.  his dragons are detained carrying the cages.  wow.  no cool fight with them.  captures light fury who he already had and let go ( if he knew toothless and light fury were gunna love love then he could have just used her from the start like he really could have and he also just... seemed smart enough to know toothless and hiccup wouldn’t sacrifice her so he just.  yeah.  she should have been a side plot, would have been more exciting for him to realize he missed two because his anger could have become beautiful with the fight and will to conquer ).  oh and even better, the poison which prior to this final scene only put night furies to sleep suddenly can be used to control pretty, dragon lady.  so now we’ve got that typical fight where toothless can’t actually fight or wah wah, he’ll hit his girlyfriend oh no.

cue dramatic scene from hiccup which was almost nice because asking light fury to save toothless was such a hiccup/toothless relationship moment and, briefly, reminded me of how close they are and that toothless is his best friend, but then it just becomes dramatic fall where of course we know she’ll save toothless and hiccup.

and then grimmel is just in the ocean and buh bye and that’s it.

the infamous night fury killer, y’all.  fucking falls in the ocean after the worst plan he’s probably ever thought out.  actually, just kidding, he probably didn’t think it out.  it was bad and his three steps ahead turned into like seven steps behind because the fact he wants to kill the night furies and deliver all the dragons to his accomplices is just.

put on the backburner for the pretty, dragon lady plot.

man i just really wanted light fury the side plot, hiccup and toothless’ strong friendship to lead them forward into defeating grimmel and protecting her and the other dragons and then just.  learning through each other that they both are powerful people/dragon even independently of each other and they have their own tribes of sorts to lead and toothless is needed there and the dragons can have a better life orsomething.  toothless having to leave “because humans aren’t ready for dragons yet” was dumb, y’all.  and not at all encouraging or lively.

the final lesson was basically humanity sucks, hiccup never learns that he’s strong on his own but he just has to let toothless go anyway, toothless takes 75% of the movie to even care about hiccup and having to say goodbye...  grimmel was the most unimposing villain ever.  overall lessons: love means letting going ( cough just fucking forgetting your friends cough ), growing up requires sacrifice...  basically getting older sucks.

the flashbacks were almost okay.  the one with stoick crying over valka was actually amazing but... the one with the hidden world?  way to just shit all over how stoick was in the first movie.  makes his intolerance in the first movie seem... less so?  like.  “oh, i just wanna make the dragons go back to their land so we can be safe and they can be safe.”

no, stoick, y’wanted to fucking murder them all.  i guess his motives could have become worse over the years but.  then that just makes him more a bad character because he just gives up the idea of harmony and becomes “fuck it, kill them all” and uh........ yeah.

( the irony of this all is that hiccup ends up becoming the one to be like “well, guess we should live separated :///” )

i could get more in depth with these explanations probably but idk is it worth it, this post is already long enough.  i’m getting the basics across.  i think.  if you’re really curious, you can ask for more info on something.

a final thing.

other than, like. eret, valka, tuffnut, and astrid, why did all the characters.... suck?  they took... literally nothing seriously.  tuffnut didn’t either but, tbh, his “guy talk” stuff with hiccup was so great that i’m okay with him lmao.  but... fishlegs was barely there, snotlout was creepy with hitting on valka, and ruffnut was literal hell.  sure, her scene with annoying grimmel and all was “funny” but man did it make me cringe.

as a ruffnut stan, she’s... not that fucking dumb.  she would have looked back, she would have made sure she wasn’t being followed.  even in the show she wasn’t that bad.  and the show ruffnut was... bad.

like i just don’t know what to say.  they were all useless.  there were two solid scenes were they felt like they were there and actually friends with hiccup and part of the gang.  the first scene with the raid and then when toothless is, like.  practicing his awkward dancing and hiccup is telling them all about the light fury ( fishlegs is running around trying to draw her and the twins are interacting and everything like they all felt there and part of the group, it was awesome, and then they just never play a role again other than ruffnut’s absolute stupidity which was just a horrible moment for her and a weakass moment for grimmel because we’re reminded he went from being in total control to not knowing wtf he’s doing because oh, letting pretty, dragon lady go is actually and problem since she and toothless just flew off bye bye ).

...also tuffnut and ruffnut were HORRENDOUS to each other?  wtf?  and forgetting his sister?  uhm.  their whole relationship was just.  awful.  and just for laughs.  it was.  cringe fest.

okay lied.  now a final thing.

the ending.  i get dreamworks wanted to show the kids but just.  end it sooner.  i didn’t want to see hiccup and toothless reunite.  i didn’t.  especially not after how bitter everything just made me at least let me be sad and stay sad.  you have.  all this buildup, you have an actually decent scene with them saying goodbye and being the friends we know them to be.  and then you’re just

“lol just kidding here they are again.”

like.  have the kids, see hiccup sailing off with them.  end.  and it just reinforced the idea that hiccup never actually got over the idea that he’s nothing without toothless.  i wanted it concluding with strong, hiccup power and the knowledge that we know toothless is off being a badass somewhere with light fury.  it would have been much more impactful.  if you’re going to commit to the dragons leaving, full on commit.  him seeing toothless again would have felt more right if toothless and the dragons had left just for their betterment of lifestyle and not because “humanity no goo.”  idk it just.  was dumb and dragged on.  see the kids, see them sail.  end.  like i said.  i can’t even remember what hiccup was saying over all of it because it hit me it went from something that could have been awesome and learning about letting go and building life and all that to “lol but yay i found my dragon again :D”

also hiccup’s older model was just his same with a beard?  at least astrid’s looked better.  and then kids were just.  baby hiccup boy but with blond hair and little pig tail girl ( isn’t she a model used in one of the other movies?  her model was super familiar ) but with brown hair.  pretty uh.  yeah.  and the nightlight babies....................

personally.... not impressed lmao.

and, well.  that wraps up my major thoughts for now.  i’m sure i had others but it’s been like three weeks since i saw the movie so.  i’m going off what fiery embers managed to keep burning during this time.

in regards to ruffnut, you can see i didn’t like how she was portrayed.  so for the most part, i’m erasing that section in her canon.  she will have looked behind her and been cautious.  i’ll do the plot a flavor and just go with how grimmel should have been and that he was actually an intimidating villain who knew where they were and was waiting for the chance to strike.  so my ruffnut didn’t fuck up like that.  also she escapes by better wit than just being obnoxious :/

and also happy to just ignore a lot of how the movie was handled but.  for the sake of partners, i will otherwise accept canon as it is.  just.  now you can might see why i didn’t care for the canon as is.

ps i haven’t 100% read over this because it’s late, forgive any horrendous typos that i’ll fix later hopefully when less sjklfas;d

[coloursflyaway]

Love, Etc.

Relationship: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin

Rating: T

Words: 1.809

Something Eggsy doesn't expect to happen while he is being shot at is a lepidopterist quite literally knocking him off his feet.

Thank you @elletromil for the idea and the brainstorming and everything ♥

„Watch where you’re going!“, is the only thing Eggsy hears, then something hits him, knocking him off his feet. His gun goes flying, as do his limbs, and instead of shooting one, or hopefully all of the men approaching him, he is on his back, a warm body on top of him. “Are you insane?”, the body above him wants to know, pushing and shoving until Eggsy can see a mop of brown hair, pale skin and a beige shirt, “That is a Pachliopta jophon, they are critically endangered! I have been searching for one of them for almost two weeks, and you almost stepped on it! What the everloving fuck is wrong with you?”

Above them, someone has started shooting.

“That’s a what?”, Eggsy grits out, unsure if he is annoyed, confused, or if the stranger just knocked his brain out of his head as well as the air from his lungs. “Get off, you berk, there is someone-“ He tries to shove back, but the second the stranger pushes himself up, another bullet tears through the air, hitting a tree and almost felling  it, and Eggsy has no choice, has to pull the man down again. The second time, the impact doesn’t quite take his breath away as much, but the stranger is broad, heavy, and doesn’t stop talking even now. “It’s a butterfly, a rare butterfly, which you almost squashed with your absolutely unsuitable shoes”, the man hisses, wiggles in Eggsy’s arms. He is a lot stronger than expected. “What are you doing in Sri Lanka, wearing leather oxfords anyway? Or are those your favourite insect-squashing shoes and you just couldn’t leave them at home?”

There is the tell-tale sound of someone reloading a machine gun ringing through the damp, hot air, and yet the stranger won’t stop, tries to push himself up again, forces Eggsy to more or less hug him to his chest, try to save this impossible man from himself. “Insect-squashing shoes?”, he asks nonetheless, voice incredulous, gets a mouthful of hair for his effort. “What the fuck, bruv, why would anyone have insect-squashing shoes? Also, just in case you didn’t notice, because you were too busy bitchin’ at me, but we’re being fucking shot at!” “Well, I wouldn’t know, would I, because I do not run around-“, the stranger starts, trying to interrupt Eggsy, but stops abruptly once Eggsy has finished. He goes still, at least for a second or two, then slowly, tentatively shifts until there are no elbows digging into Eggsy’s side anymore, no hair tickling his nose. Instead, there is a face just above his own, maybe an inch or so away, peering down at him.

The stranger only has one eye, the other one covered by a dark patch, thin lips which are parted in horror, pale skin that looks just a little too wide for his face; he could be Eggsy’s father, and Eggsy is very, very glad he isn’t. “Hot damn”, Eggsy whispers, because he’s in the middle of a fight and beneath a man he would probably fight for. This is not the time for censoring your thoughts. The stranger above him raises an eyebrow, and Eggsy is sure that he’s either going to say something about being shot at or insects, and right now he wants to hear neither. “Look”, he says instead, cuts the tall, dark stranger off before he can speak. “Yes, we are being shot at. Yes, I know why. Yes, I can also get us outta here…or I hope so, at least. But I need to know somethin’ else first.” “Yes?” “If we get off this damned island alive, are you gonna go out with me, weird butterfly guy?”

A moment passes, and apparently the men after him are getting ready to finish them off, because the silence is cut short by another dozen bullets hitting palm trees, fern and most likely also a couple of insects; this time, the stranger seems to hear them.   “Jesus”, he gasps out, pushes closer to Eggsy, who suddenly doesn’t mind that too much, “I am not sure I should go out with someone who gets into situations like this, or who steps on butterflies, but yes, alright. I’ll go out with you… strange insect-crushing man.”

 It appears that sometimes, the only thing Eggsy needs to motivate him to fight and win is a handsome man watching him do it.

 “You’re a what?”, Eggsy asks, once they are safe and sound in the Kingsman plane, the stranger unfortunately sitting on the chair opposite of him and not with him on the small sofa. There’s a glass of whiskey dangling from the man’s long fingers, amber and just as tempting as the stranger himself; it makes him look more like a prince and less like a lunatic, running around to shout at secret agents in jungles. “A lepidopterist”, the stranger repeats, and the word does ring some bell, but most likely not the right one. “Ain’t that a sickness?”, he asks, grinning at the other, who smiles back good-naturedly, like someone who has heard this, or a similar question, far too many times. “I think you might mean leprosy. No, I study butterflies for a living.”

“And someone pays you for that? That’s sick, bruv”, Eggsy tells him, kicks back and winks at the other man, “Then again, I’d pay you for a lot too.” “How flattering.” The man doesn’t seem to be very impressed, or flattered, but Eggsy appreciates the sentiment. “Speaking of, who pays you for coming to Sri Lanka to be shot at?” “Ah.” Eggsy pulls a bit of a face, can’t quite help it, then adds, “Would it help me get into your pants if I told you that I am a super spy, sent here to save the world from a particularly unpleasant megalomaniac?”

A small pause, like the stranger is considering it, then he replies, “Not really. But I think it’s very nice that you tried.” “That’s just because I’m going to get into your pants anyway, innit?”, Eggsy shoots back, waggles his eyebrows which must look as suggestive as dumb; it’s worth it, because his Mr. Darcy cracks a smile. He might not be charmed yet, but Eggsy is pretty certain he will be able to change that before the fourteen-hour flight ahead of them is over. “We’re going to see about that.” Eggsy hums his approval – they definitely will, surely saving the man’s life will be good for something – then adds, “Also, just so y’know, this definitely doesn’t count as a date yet, butterfly guy. Still part of the rescue mission part, this is.”

Another sip of whiskey disappears between thin lips, which curve into a smile that makes Eggsy feel a little bit weak, a little bit happy. “Call me Harry”, his stranger, his Harry, says, and it’s the perfect name for a perfect man, Eggsy knows that already, can almost hear himself mutter and gasp and moan it. “And surprisingly enough, I am glad to hear that.”

  _____________________________

 Eggsy always thought he knew all the important restaurants in London, and yet he has no idea where to take Harry. The fourteen hours they spent together in the plane were nicer than nice, mainly because Eggsy could spend six of them talking to Harry and eight of them watching him sleep, and yet he neither knows the other man well enough to choose a restaurant he can confidently say Harry will like, nor can he claim ignorance and take Harry to some bland, posh place that neither of them will enjoy.

So he picks Harry up with a fancy Kingsman cab, wearing his best pinstriped suit, and takes him to the pub next door. If he’s going to go wrong, he’d rather know it right from the beginning.

And he expects a reaction from Harry, who looks and acts like he is at least some kind of royalty, but the older man only raises an eyebrow as they get out of the cab, offers Eggsy his arm before they cross the street. Eggsy takes it, of course. Harry smells like he expected, tart and expensive, like lemon and bergamot and something Eggsy would like to have all over his sheets. “Do you think they serve Pinot Grigio?”, Harry asks nonchalantly, and Eggsy cannot help but laugh and pretend he isn’t pressing closer. “I mean, you can try? Wouldn’t really bet on it, though. They’re more of a Guinness and pie sorta place.” “Perfect”, Harry says, pulls open the door for them, “I hate Pinot Grigio.”

“And I don’t even know what that is supposed to be”, Eggsy tells him, grinning, waves at Julie, the bartender he slept with four and a half years ago, and hopes she won’t feel the need to embarrass him in front of his date. Then again, knowing Julie, she might just assume that Harry is his father. “Ah, well. I suppose international super spies have to survive solely on a diet of martinis and sex”, Harry answers, sits down and crosses legs that are longer than should be legal, smiles at Eggsy in a way that lights up his eyes, that makes him look five years younger and ten times more handsome. “I knew the super spy thing would work eventually”, Eggsy says and joins him at the table, “It always does.” “We’re going to see about that”, Harry tells him, sounding unimpressed, but a tip of a very expensive leather shoe presses against his ankle, slides up his leg. It leaves Eggsy a little bit breathless. “But just in case it does, I happen to make great martinis.”

 “Well, if it’s like that, I hope for you that Eggsy here is better at sucking dick than he is at eating a girl out”, Julie tells Harry, because she apparently holds a grudge a lot better than Eggsy ever would have thought possible. She obviously wants him to suffer and for a few moments, she is succeeding. But then Harry leans forward like he is about to tell Julie a secret, his voice low, conspiratorially. “I am sure he will be satisfactory. And if not, well… you see, I’m one of the men who’d rather give, than receive.” He winks, nudges Eggsy’s leg with his shoe again, apparently unaware that he has just given Eggsy a heart attack, an ulcer and half a boner in ten words. Without looking away, Harry picks up his glass and downs the rest of his Guinness. “But anyway, how about we get out of here, Eggsy, darling, and give it a try?”

 They do get out of the pub, although Eggsy doesn’t have a clue how he managed to pay, or get up without his knees giving out; maybe it’s the arm that Harry offers him, which keeps him upright, maybe the knowledge that if he passes out now, the chances of finding out if Harry was being serious are going to be seriously diminished. So they make their way out of the pub, the cool air outside helping Eggsy to calm down at least a little bit, enough to look up at Harry and see the amusement sparkling in his eyes, and not immediately imagine how the other man would look between his legs.

“I would have imagined a super spy to be a little bit smoother when talking to former conquests”, Harry points out, and Eggsy is almost glad that there isn’t too much blood left that could rush to his cheeks and tint them pink. “Or a future one, for that matter.” “Well, and I would’ve thought that someone who talks like the Prince of Wales wouldn’t divulge his preferences for sucking dick to a bar tender, but I guess we all have to be wrong sometimes, huh?”, Eggsy shoots back, even if the words come out a little more breathless than he wanted them to. “But really, thanks. You probably saved me back there…for the second time this week.” Harry hums, lets his arm fall to his side; for a moment, Eggsy is disappointed, but then Harry takes his hand instead, intertwining their fingers. They fit together better than Eggsy would have expected, his short fingers between Harry’s longer ones, their palms brushing against each other with every step.

“And here I was, worried that I had killed you back in there”, Harry finally replies with a smile, and Eggsy chuckles, bumps his shoulder into Harry’s. “You did, for a moment at least. But it definitely was a good way to die, I’ve gotta give you that.” He clears his throat, his heart suddenly beating a little faster, a little nervously. “Question is just if you’ve got an even better way of killing me later in mind.” A pause, a breathless, endless one, then Harry’s fingers tighten around his, and when Eggsy dares to glance up at him again, there’s a smile on his face, a sweet one, but not the smile of someone who is going to take him to bed. “My dear boy, I’ve got a dozen plans at least”, Harry says, and Eggsy believes him. “But how about we consider those another time, and for now, you let me walk you home and we enjoy the rest of the evening together.”

It’s both a disappointment and a relief at the same time, because Eggsy is still far too turned on, and yet doesn’t want this to be a spur of the moment, a one time thing; he likes Harry, genuinely likes his dry humour, his quick wit, his quiet intelligence. And if Harry wants to wait with this, another week or another month, then Eggsy will wait, half-hard and wanting and maybe a little bit infatuated already. “That’s alright”, he tells Harry, smiles at him and watches the other smile back. “As long as I get a proper end to this very proper date.” “And that would be?” “A kiss”, Eggsy drawls, smile turning a little bit lascivious, “I’ve always wanted to kiss a lepidopterist.”

If nothing else, it at least makes Harry laugh, a happy, relieved sound; Eggsy is going to get his kiss, he knows that already. “That is a lie. And an atrocious one, at that.” “Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that”, Eggsy admits, shrugs, because he really doesn’t care. “But y’know, I kissed a princess before and it wasn’t all that special, so I’d rather go with a lepidopterist this time.” “A princess?”, Harry asks, sounding both surprised and amused. “Apparently it does pay off to be a princes after all… or a lepidopterist.”

 Harry does walk him home, but although it’s cold outside, the wind making Eggsy’s ears, the tip of his nose hurt, although he knows that the evening will end in a kiss, Eggsy still dreads to arrive. Since this is nice, just chatting about everything and nothing at all, Harry’s thumb brushing softly across his own, a small caress that seems to mean so much. And yet, they reach their destination, like they were always going to, Eggsy’s little cul-de-sac, the house that has never really felt like home. His steps get slower, slower still, his hand tightens around Harry’s, and then they are in front of his door, the words dying right there on Eggsy’s lips.

“I suppose that means our very proper date is coming to an end”, Harry says softly, turns so they are facing each other, the light from the street lamps making Harry’s eye sparkle. “And I am glad to say that I regret that very much.” “Me too.” Safe inside his chest, Eggsy’s heart picks up its beat, pulsing painfully, hopefully, because there is still something he is looking forward to after all. “So that means we are going to do this again? And I’d advise you to say yes, because otherwise I’ll have to find a new life-threatening situation to save you from again, and that sounds pretty stressful for both of us.” “In that case, the answer is definitely yes”, Harry replies, reaches up and strokes his fingertips along the line of Eggsy’s jaw and leaves a trail of sparks dancing across his skin. “But it would have been that anyway. I’d very much like to see you again.” “Good.”

Eggsy tilts his head a little, leaning into Harry’s touch, and the other smiles softly. “How about I take you out next time? Let’s say Tuesday.” “I’m in Mogadishu on Tuesday, would Wednesday work too? Might be a bit jetlagged, but I’ll do my best to bore you with really obscure facts about Somalia”, Eggsy suggests, even if waiting to see Harry again for one more day sounds a little bit like torture. “Of course.” Harry steps closer, close enough that Eggsy feels small, safe somehow, although, in case of a fight, it would be him who would protect Harry. It’s a dizzying feeling, one he could get used to, and without thinking, Eggsy cranes his neck, asking for a kiss without saying the words.

There is a moment that feels like the world is coming to a halt to take a deep breath, prepare itself, and Eggsy does the same, because he has been waiting for this, maybe since the first time he saw Harry’s face. The fingers still resting on his face shift as Harry cups his cheek, a warm palm pressing against his skin, keeping him grounded. “I think I still owe you something, don’t I?”, Harry mutters, and his voice is warm like hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day, vibrates through Eggsy’s chest and leaves him breathless; the only thing he can do is nod. And it’s enough for Harry, it seems, because the other smiles and leans down, and a moment passes, then their lips brush.

Harry kisses like he touched him, gently but with an intensity that Eggsy has never felt before. His lips are soft, warm and insistent, promise more, but don’t deliver it, and Eggsy can’t help but grab the lapels of Harry’s coat, holding onto them far too tightly. Although he is responding, it feels like he is being kissed rather than kissing, because Harry is leading him with every slide of lips, every soft nip of teeth, keeping the kiss firm, but slow. The hand on his cheek is tilting his head back ever so slightly, and before he has had the moment of time he would have needed to prepare him for it, Harry deepens the kiss, licks into his mouth and sucks the sound Eggsy makes right from his lips.

In all his twenty-six years, Eggsy has been kissed better, by people who had time to figure out just what he liked, but Harry still manages to take his breath away, to the point where Eggsy feels like he is melting, ready to mould himself to fit perfectly against Harry’s body. A large hand comes to rest on his hip, warm and safe, and Eggsy would gladly spend the rest of the night right there, letting himself be kissed until his lips are raw and bleeding, but then Harry pulls away. Not too far, just enough that Eggsy can miss his touch.

“’s that it already?”, he asks softly, although it was more than he had hoped for, and Harry chuckles softly, strokes the pad of his thumb across Eggsy’s cheekbone before he drops his hand. “It has to be, unfortunately. Because otherwise, I don’t think I’ll know when to stop.” “That wouldn’t be a problem for me, y’know?” Eggsy gazes up at the other hopefully, but it’s no use. Harry steps back, still smiling and says, “On Tuesday, Eggsy. I’ll walk you home again.” “And then you’ll come in for a drink and a second kiss?” “Maybe even a third one.”

Harry’s hand twitches at his side, like it wants to reach out and touch, and Eggsy sympathises; there is nothing he would like more than to crowd the other man against the wall, kiss him breath- and mind- and senseless. But not today. “Goodnight, Harry”, he says instead, smiles, and realises that it’s enough, as long as he gets to see Harry again. “Goodnight.”

For a moment, they just look at each other, Eggsy trying to commit the way the dim, golden light makes Harry’s eyes shine, his skin look like it has been carved from marble, to memory; he doesn’t look younger than he did back in the jungle, not older either, he looks like himself, and he looks like someone Eggsy would be very happy to call his own one day. And then Harry turns away, slowly, like he doesn’t want to take his eye off Eggsy, and Eggsy watches him leave, his broad shoulders and slim waist, his sinfully long legs that carry him farther away with each step. He does not look back, and Eggsy hasn’t expected him to, so he turns too, walks into his house with warmth and sweetness filling up his chest, his every limb. They’ll see each other again soon enough.

 _______________________

I might end up writing another part for this, because i had so much fun with this story, and I've still a couple of ideas that I'd like to explore, if I find the time for it. Who knows.

[introvert-dragon]

Hiccupy heart (Chapter 3)

Summary: It didn’t matter that Hiccup and Astrid used to be best friends, somewhere in grade school or middle school, back when life used to be fun, with him having plus one leg and one mother, before everyone hit their growth spurt. Until Hiccup finally got his soul mark; And guess who’s name was it? Astrid Hofferson. Soul mate AU.

Previous Chapter | FF.net | Ao3

A/N: An Update in a week!? I did it!

It’s all thanks to your awesome support guys. Keep em’ coming! Even though I got only 1/3rd views compared to the first chapter - you guys are still awesome.

Without further ado,

(No beta for this chapter, watch out for errors.)

It took him all weekend, but Hiccup finally had a plan in mind. A very simple and effective plan; Avoid Astrid Hofferson, in any form or kind (thoughts included), like a plague and eventually move on with the whole Astrid being his soul mate thing, that was it.

In theory, what could possibly go wrong? The less he saw her in his life, the fewer ideas would be getting on his head, that would likely end up with him embarking on another quest for Astrid Hofferson and Highschool Royalty.

With great effort, he managed to do just as he planned. Until Hiccup randomly craved for the cafeteria's infamous 'The Goethi's Soggy Fries' with special yak buttermilk dipping. So Hiccup decided to make a quick stop to the cafeteria before he headed home.

There shouldn't be a problem with that. From what he knew, there was still at least half an hour before Tennis Practice ended.

As soon as he arrived in the cafeteria though, there goes his plan. Astrid Hofferson was there sitting on her boyfriend's lap for all of the cafeteria to see.

That shouldn't be a problem for Hiccup, He simply needed to turn his head around and look the other way. But goddammit! His boyfriend seriously needed some lesson in public display of affection.

Hiccup could clearly see the annoyance showing in her perfect beaut... Astrid's face. He really needed to get a grip. He almost let himself worship her face, and oh my! Look at her freckles they're so– Gah! –and there goes his resolve.

Hiccup reminded himself that She always knew.

Something flared up inside him, the tip of his finger tingling unbearably, his fingers clawing on his palm. He wasn't sure if it was anger or jealousy.

It should have been him.

Astrid must have been feeling so good for herself, having a boyfriend who was a living embodiment of Jon Snow, only with a tattoo on his chin, but a little bit on the brainless side(which he was sure made things easier for her), who, was not a hiccup like him, who was supposedly her soul mate—Soul mate she didn't want. He was Eret son of fucking Eret. Hiccup could tell that Astrid probably... not probably— she definitely wished that the name on her wrist would have been Eret's not him.

Hiccup wondered if Astrid had started dating Eret before or after she got her soul mark. He wished it was the former; not that it mattered.

Hiccup watched as Eret's lips tried to go for Astrid's neck once again, but Astrid just elbowed the muscle-head hard on his ribs. Gods, Eret couldn't get a fucking clue.

Hiccup would have treated Astrid better, but he knew that Astrid was not someone who wanted to be taken care of. She was Astrid Hofferson. She always made clear that she was perfectly capable of herself, and she certainly proved that. In fact, she got hundreds of broken nose, and bones to attest that.

His breathing felt heavier as he felt something burning red in his chest. He didn't realize how hard his eyes were trained on the couple until his eyes met Astrid's for a split second. She diverted her gaze but Hiccup continued to glare as their eyes met again.

This time, Hiccup's resentment wasn't directed to her boyfriend. It was all on the owner of the name written on his left forearm, his 'so-called' soul mate.

Astrid flinched, she tried to hide it but he noticed and for a moment her eyes showed hints of mortification; He was probably imagining things.

Hiccup closed his eyes, breaking the gaze and breathed a long-drawn sigh to calm his drumming heart. He opened his eyes to meet hers again and suddenly felt his left forearm throbbed sharply, causing him to drop the extra large bucket of fries from his trembling hands.

Hiccup ran away with no particular destination in mind. He just needed to leave, anywhere away from Astrid. He just couldn't stand the sight of her ... It was too painful.

Unfortunately, being a one-legged man, he could only run so much and wasn't supposed to run like that in the first place. Pain, soreness, and cramp overcame his left leg—he needed to sit down, and check on it.

Then Astrid was there, standing near him, watching him with her eyes wide, filled with terror. Hiccup almost cowered at her gaze and wished to vanish without a trace from the universe.

No—He wasn't going to be defined by his stupid attraction to his soul mate anymore.

Hiccup took a deep breath and met Astrid's gaze with as much as courage he could muster. Without breaking the gaze, He stood up straight despite his left leg's protest, squared his shoulders, tucked his chin, and walked away with as much as dignity a one-legged man could.

But it was all an act, his refusal to appear weak in front of his soul mate. As soon as he got home, Hiccup didn't even bother changing his clothes as he went straight to his bed, burying himself in layers of pillows and blanket.

Hiccup found himself screaming in his bedroom, self-destructing for all he cared.

After he was done with his self-destruct sequence. Hiccup felt numb and tired in many ways, that he could do no more than stare at the ceiling of his room, while he contemplated his life.

Hiccup had tendencies to tunnel vision, not that he was a narrow-minded minded person. He was just 'too stubborn for his own good' quoting his father and Gobber. And that specific trait probably got him most of his trouble.

Unlike his father, who loved to remind him that 'When I was a boy... I knew what I was, what I had to become –blah blah blah and rest of the story–' and Oh boy... If Hiccup ever had to hear that story again, he might very well bang his head against the rock, probably and get a skull-crushing headache – but it would be totally worth it if he never had to hear that lecture from his father again.

He was rambling, again, even in his own mind. The point was when Hiccup set his mind on something; an objective, a crazy invention, or a very impossible teenage crush turned into first love. He won't stop at anything to achieve it, but... well, only most of it ended up in failure or trouble.

And for once in his life, Hiccup actually got something right. Astrid Hofferson was indeed his soul mate. It was not just his daydreams or fantasy anymore. It was a fact, with physical evidence etched in his own skin.

But this time, he knew when to stop. In most cases, the reason Hiccup could never stop was all because of his curious mind, and the teenage part of him wanting to prove something.

She always knew.

If Astrid always knew that he was her soul mate. And was very clear that she didn't want him to be her soul mate.

What was there to prove for him? So what now?

The wound was still fresh for him, and the 'Pull' was still there, only that he never felt the 'Pull' this powerful, only in a bad way. If before when he would as much as breathe the same air as Astrid – He would feel like oxygen was overrated. But now that he got his soul mark, it was as if his attraction for Astrid was now oxygen itself. And oxygen was no longer overrated. He was like a moth attracted to a beacon of flame even if he knew that it would burn him.

That was why he needed a plan to avoid Astrid, in any form and kind. Even if he could still manage to walk away from his soul mate every time, he could act dignified and strong in the presence of his soul mate his whole life. But–

But in the end...

Hiccup, with all of his heart, still loved Astrid Hofferson.

The whole realization was painful. It was impossible for him to get over all his feelings for his soul mate over a weekend. Not especially when his feeling, had a very strong legitimate root – thirteen years of friendship, followed by a whole high school of worship.

It was impossible. Hiccup would never get over her.

Hiccup needed to do something, anything at all. He needed to be somebody, someone – For himself. This time it was about his life and his alone.

He tried to visualize a much better version of him. Where Hiccup didn't had the need to prove himself, to his father, his soul mate... or even himself. Where he would have Thor's mighty hammer for his arm instead of his noodle arms, both of his legs, and maybe he could play a ball game, and people would accept him.

Wouldn't that be something, Hiccup thought.

Hiccup sighed, getting tired of staring at the ceiling. He let his head drop to his right, his eyes landing on his favorite flying dragon-rider poster.

The one with a one-legged hero flying with his one-tail-finned black dragon.

Flying...

Fly...

Fly. If only he could fly away from berk, leave the archipelago. And in that way, he was sure to avoid Astrid Hofferson that way.

An idea struck to his mind...

Maybe Hiccup could actually do that...

Didn't his father always wanted him to enroll in a 'Real Program Degree' in an 'Actual University'?

He could do just that by studying abroad, where the top universities in the world were. And maybe, for once in his lifetime, his father would be proud of him... His boy enrolling in an Ivy League, Harvard, Yale... or wherever he wanted—with his academic performance it shouldn't even be an issue. Maybe he could get himself a scholarship in one of those universities, though money wasn't a problem for him. It wasn't like Hiccup will be missed either – he highly doubted that. His father barely came home every week.

This new plan of his was perfect—it would definitely work.

Unfortunately, this plan also involved him giving up on his own plans for college. And there goes one of his dreams. The said that dream involved going to the same college as Astrid Hofferson, he figured that his dreams were nothing less a fantasy.

It was a just stupid pinky promise from childhood. It was not like she remembered any of it.

"It was stupid," Hiccup muttered to himself.

"Yes, so stupid," Hiccup repeated as if he was trying to convince himself otherwise.

Besides, it was not like he had a choice – the only way his father would agree on this plan was Hiccup had to take a law degree.

But If it meant getting away from all these, where he could start fresh and try to be a better version of him. It was a compromise he was willing to take.

Million ideas started flowing in his mind on how this plan would just work out for him.

Four to Eight years in law school, give or take – even longer if he decided to take law for post-grad. That was a lot of time for himself – to discover himself.

He could get a dog.

He could travel.

He could meet new people who didn't know him as a Hiccup.

He could start fresh, and there was more to life than just his soul mate.

But none of them would be like being with Astrid Hofferson.

Hiccup shook his head, brushing off the thoughts before it festered his mind.

Hiccup let out a long-drawn sigh, sitting up straight, shrugging layer of blanket off him. At least his mood felt brighter with the notion of the freedom he could have soon.

With nothing more to do, Hiccup plopped back down to the bed, scrambled his pockets for his cellphone and fiddled with it for a while, until he started yawning and eventually dozed off.

The next time Hiccup opened his eyes – he was still dreaming.

After all, There was no way Astrid was in his room, sitting on his bed, watching him sleep. To prove his point, Hiccup reached out a hand to hold the said image of Astrid. And just about Hiccup was about to touch her, Astrid reached out for his hand and held on to it tightly.

The sensation of her hands and the feel of their soul marks resonating... It all felt too real... He didn't want it to end–

–Ding! Dong!

The loud doorbell woke him up, the whole vision in his dreams vanishing into smoke, as he jolted up straight, feeling shivery, goosebumps all over his skin, and cold sweat covering his body. Hiccup shook his head, to clear his foggy head, and calm his breathing.

It was just a dream... Astrid hadn't visited him for over four years, not even when he had an accident – She had no better reason to do so now. And yet, Hiccup couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in his chest.

Ding! Dong! The doorbell rang again.

Hiccup groaned, he didn't really want to step out of his room for the day. He was sure it wasn't his father as his father just sent a message that he won't be back until a week. He contemplated to ignore the doorbell, and try to get back to his sweet dreams–

Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong!

Hiccup grumbled, swearing under his breath. Seriously, even in his dreams, he couldn't spend be allowed to be with his soul mate. Urk. Hiccup needed to get hold of his mind, It wasn't going to happen and was never going to happen.

She always knew, Hiccup reminded himself as if it was his mantra.

Whoever the visitor was seemed determined to continue with the barrage of doorbells – and for some reason, Hiccup had a bad feeling about this.

Begrudgingly, Hiccup stood up from his bed and stretched his limbs exaggeratedly as if he was trying to delay the time. The doorbells continued and Hiccup decided that stretching any longer wasn't going to help. Hiccup didn't bother getting himself appear presentable and just headed straight downstairs to 'excitedly' welcome the unwelcome visitor.

Hiccup sighed as finally, he arrived in the entrance of the house, stopping right in front of the gigantic two-door. He debated to grab a weapon for self-defense, but it was not like people in Berk were bold enough to cause trouble in Stoick Haddock's mansion. And if ever someone was planning something against the law, like, if ever someone was going to kidnap him for a ransom... They probably got the wrong household – they should know better how majestic his relationship with his father was.

So Hiccup finally unlocked the door, wincing when felt his left forearm pulsed when his left hand made a contact with the cold metal of the doorknob. When he was about to twist the knobs, the door was opened from the other side, and he was found himself drowning at a too familiar pair of ocean eyes, and dazzled by the ever so radiant golden-blonde hair.

There was Astrid Hofferson standing on the other side of the door. And before Hiccup could delve on another theory that he was still dreaming.

"Economics Project," Astrid said simply, and walked past him, welcoming herself into his home.

Gotta love dem’ cliffhangers. :P I told you the story will start picking up… and we finally get the real confrontation/interaction next chapter.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m not confident with this chapter…  So it would be great to hear from you guys, feed me with your validations… I need it! the next chapter will be even tougher to write. :D

How was it? Please don’t forget to hit like and/or reblog.

[seven-oomen]

Lol, as someone who once gave a friend a 20 minute lecture on why she WOULDN’T like my then favorite anime (no really), I tend to not judge anyone else getting carried away about things.  And I have never really had any friends that watched/were interested in TW, so there’s a few years of suppressed enthusiasm that keeps boiling over into stream-of-consciousness text explosions (as you have seen.)  I’m just glad someone else is enjoying the insanity.

And don’t worry, it does feel very in character, and I genuinely didn’t expect any different from him right now (and it’s still plenty fluffy.)  But it wouldn’t be me reading a slow burn fic if I wasn’t internally screaming and about ready to reach into the story and shake one or more of the idiots involved.  The intense frustration just means the slow burn is doing exactly what it’s supposed to.  XD

I would say that I was sorry about causing workplace distractions, but frankly I would be lying.  Also, having given it more thought because my brain wouldn’t let me do otherwise, I decided that for full roleplay effect, it would have to be Noah as the elegant homeowner with the luscious maid, and Peter as the strong, self-assured Alpha cop who just wants to make sure the Omegas are properly “taken care of” (oh god, why can’t I stop…I seriously have NO IDEA where this came from…)

And I feel like Chris would be movie Morticia, because he’s more prone to drama in his wardrobe, whereas Noah would the less flashy (yet still attention grabbing) 60s TV Morticia.  (If Peter were to ever join in he’d totally have to wear the version Christina Ricci did a couple years back in order to maintain his title as King of the V-Neck)  Also, just for variety, and because I love the outfit, Melissa would be Lily Munster for contrast (I mean, Scott’s beta shift is totally Eddie Munster anyway, so it all checks out.)

I admit, I was pretty proud of the quilt thing when I thought of it.  It just really felt like something they would do for Peter after everything they’ve all been through.  Another random family thought; does Ben give Rabbit to one of his older siblings when they move away to college (or a group of them depending on where they go), or hand it down to a later one?  Because either one seems like the kind of thing he would do.  Do they make him and the other younger kids new patchwork wolf plushies out of the leftover scraps for Peter’s quilt, and throw in a few pieces from one of Peter’s shirts so everybody’s represented?  Does Malia ever have Peter teach her knitting or crochet so that she can make Kira a wolf fur scarf as a courting gift?  (Thinking about Hale Pack craft ideas makes me feel less guilty about all the craft projects I am not currently working on.)

That video was so precious!  Oh god my heart!  The huge paws and sad eyes and tiny little noises!  I imagine they eventually invest in one of those huge multi-room tents that they can just scatter with blankets and the most durable air mattresses they can find (those claws are sharp.)  They have a bunch of those family size sleeping bags for everybody to share.  Watching Peter cram his huge, fluffy bulk into one between his mates is endlessly entertaining to all, and occasionally borders on peak Moon Moon antics (yeah, he could just shift back, but then he’d have to like, put on pants and shit.) 

Also, not to drag everything back down to the gutter (as though I ever truly leave it), but speaking of running through the woods, do Chris and Noah ever combine their survival/nature abilities to plot out the quickest route to the Nemeton, talk Peter into going for “a walk”, then having Chris help provide a distraction while Noah gets some of the nearby tree roots to shift up and around Peter’s feet as stealthily as possible (like an adult version of the handcuffing Stiles to the desk thing), until he’s good and tethered, and then just being kinda like “catch us if you can” and hauling ass towards the Nemeton to see if they can get there before Peter breaks free and chases them down for, uh, “anniversary celebrations”, shall we call it?

Oh, and I keep forgetting, but I loved that whole thing a while back about Jackson being average Intelligence, but high Wisdom?  (And Charisma, let’s not forget that stat XD )  Ever since my friends and I played D&D back in college, “high Intelligence, low Wisdom” has been a recurring code phrase in our group that basically meant “highly educated, yet somehow still a complete idiot” (which, to be fair, does accurately describe a fair few of my friends), so I legit cackled at seeing it pop up to explain characters in TW.

I hope you’re feeling better after some sleep.  Those days when the focus is just gone and everything is just sort of fuzzy are terrible.  And really, don’t worry about how extensively you react to my nonsense.  One of my biggest worries when I start gushing about fandom and nerdery is that whoever my audience is will end up bored or overwhelmed or something, so knowing that others are enjoying it is plenty for me. :D

I’m still pretty scatterbrained today but my therapist said that it’s probably a combo of ADD, my trauma therapy and my brain trying to heal, and low B12 levels in the blood. Sleep did help though to clear it a little. 

Right now I’m calming myself down with Last of us Gameplay videos and some snacks because I had to go to the hospital today for getting blood drawn. My hormone levels need to be checked every three months for Hrt. And that ain’t stopping because of the pandemic. XD

So, yeah, I need a breather. But other than that, I’m having a pretty good day today.

And that does make me feel a lot better, knowing that the slow burn is doing its job ^^.  You can’t see me smile, but I’m smiling.

Noah as the elegant homeowner with the luscious maid, and Peter as the strong, self-assured Alpha cop who just wants to make sure the Omegas are properly “taken care of” (oh god, why can’t I stop…I seriously have NO IDEA where this came from…)

Please don’t stop, this is fucking golden.

I can just imagine Peter handcuffing Noah to the bed. (Noah can get out of them any time he wants, but he enjoys it far too much and plays along.) And he ropes Chris into undressing Noah and orders him to ‘take care of the master’s needs’. Of course, the poor innocent omega maid is extremely happy to do so. 

I like to imagine another favorite roleplay of them is a role reversal. With Chris as the ‘werewolf bitch in heat’ and Peter and Noah as the hunter couple who trains the wolf to be a good bitch and do their bidding. It’s all in good fun though, they have safe words just in case things get too real for any of them.

Not that the Omegas in this particular story have heats, I gave them a regular menstrual cycle like we have in humans. 

(As in this case Alpha/Omega is a metaphor for trans bodies and I created this universe as a universe where trans bodies are fully accepted and the norm. So a guy with a vagina isn’t a strange thing, it’s just an Omega male. I like to write universes like that because I am trans and it’s nice to see a world where I would be normal. Or well, you know, I hope you catch my drift. I don’t want to seem offensive. Or is it offensive if I give my opinion on things as a trans guy? idk... doesn’t matter.)

And I feel like Chris would be movie Morticia, because he’s more prone to drama in his wardrobe, whereas Noah would the less flashy (yet still attention grabbing) 60s TV Morticia.  (If Peter were to ever join in he’d totally have to wear the version Christina Ricci did a couple years back in order to maintain his title as King of the V-Neck)  Also, just for variety, and because I love the outfit, Melissa would be Lily Munster for contrast (I mean, Scott’s beta shift is totally Eddie Munster anyway, so it all checks out.)

I mean, I feel like this whole point I just sat there nodding like, yeah, no actually that’s a good point. Also, yeah Peter would defend his title as King of the V-neck. Have you seen his collar bones? They deserve to be out. And that little bit of chest hair that’s peeking out, that’s all carefully curated and maintained ok.

Another random family thought; does Ben give Rabbit to one of his older siblings when they move away to college (or a group of them depending on where they go), or hand it down to a later one?  Because either one seems like the kind of thing he would do.  Do they make him and the other younger kids new patchwork wolf plushies out of the leftover scraps for Peter’s quilt, and throw in a few pieces from one of Peter’s shirts so everybody’s represented?  Does Malia ever have Peter teach her knitting or crochet so that she can make Kira a wolf fur scarf as a courting gift?  

Absolutely. Ben gives Rabbit to Allison when she goes off to college because he feels like his sister might need him the most. After all, she’s going to Stanford (Like her dad Peter) to study Psychology (or maybe Biochem?) and Lydia is going to MIT to study mathematics. So they’ll be apart for a while. And she definitely needs Rabbit.

Jackson is going to Stanford (or maybe Berkely) to study Criminal law or maybe Economics? (Peter studied business law at Stanford, Jackson seems like he might follow or do a variation of ‘the Hale family business (Law))

Scott would go to Community college I feel and study veterinary medicine. (He doesn’t seem to be the type to get into a top university.)

I feel like Malia could get into a university, but she would probably choose community college and study electrical engineering or mechanical engineering. Idk why but I def see Malia as someone who could open up their own auto repair shop.

Stiles gets into law enforcement like his dad. Either by joining the police or like in canon, he joins the FBI.

Kira gets into nursing school and follows in Melissa’s footsteps to become a nurse, she works in pediatrics.

Isaac goes to community college and studies behavioral or developmental psychology and starts working with abused and troubled youth.

I’m not sure about Erica, Boyd, Liam, Theo, Mason, Corey, or Hayden though.

The older kids do make Ben a new plushie though, as well as plushies for the twins and the youngest sibling. And they scrape together all these pieces of clothing, some of Peter’s shirts and turn them into little wolf plushies for the kids.

And Malia definitely does, she has Peter teaching her how to knit, how to crochet, how to carve wood. She’s very crafty like her dad and takes to it with ease. She makes Kira all sorts of things, scarves, mittens, a beanie, a sweater, a quilt, a blanket. Honestly, Kira never has to run out of things that can keep her warm. And she adores Malia for it.

That video was so precious!  Oh god my heart!  The huge paws and sad eyes and tiny little noises!  I imagine they eventually invest in one of those huge multi-room tents that they can just scatter with blankets and the most durable air mattresses they can find (those claws are sharp.)  They have a bunch of those family size sleeping bags for everybody to share.  Watching Peter cram his huge, fluffy bulk into one between his mates is endlessly entertaining to all, and occasionally borders on peak Moon Moon antics (yeah, he could just shift back, but then he’d have to like, put on pants and shit.)

And I know right! It’s so adorable, I just melted. And they definitely do,  they buy a huge tent and fill it with either durable air mattresses or those sleeping mats you can get for camping. And a lot of sleeping bags and pillows. In enclosed spaces, Peter goes full moon moon. Malia keeps a Tumblr of all the pictures of her dad wolfing out and dorking about. She tells everyone on Tumblr her family runs a wolf rescue and this is just her dads and the Alpha of the pack that bonded. People buy it because it’s Tumblr, why wouldn’t two gay dads run a wolf rescue?

EIther that or people are convinced werewolves are real and moon moon because a new synonym for werewolf. They start sending Malia requests for more moon moon antics.

Also, not to drag everything back down to the gutter (as though I ever truly leave it), but speaking of running through the woods, do Chris and Noah ever combine their survival/nature abilities to plot out the quickest route to the Nemeton, talk Peter into going for “a walk”, then having Chris help provide a distraction while Noah gets some of the nearby tree roots to shift up and around Peter’s feet as stealthily as possible (like an adult version of the handcuffing Stiles to the desk thing), until he’s good and tethered, and then just being kinda like “catch us if you can” and hauling ass towards the Nemeton to see if they can get there before Peter breaks free and chases them down for, uh, “anniversary celebrations”, shall we call it?

These boys live for the chase. And they know just how to get Peter distracted enough. It involves Chris, a make-out session, and some uh, advanced distraction tactics on his knees. Noah absolutely binds Peter to a tree and two haul ass over to the Nemeton where Peter catches Chris and has his way with him while bending him over the stump. That’s actually how he ends up getting pregnant again. (Although it is somewhat planned, they’d been trying for a few months anyway.) But yeah, it’s definitely an anniversary thing.

And a birthday thing. Actually, I think it’s also a roleplay thing. They’d definitely enjoy all of it.

God I love these conversations ^^ <3

[tysonrunningfox]

Ripped

Hey so I didn’t finish this last night, but I finished it this morning, this is the weirdest Hiccstrid au I’ve ever written, I will claim that, and I haven’t even gotten into Hiccup’s POV yet, but I am excited and I need people to see this monstrosity so here.  

Seven fifty a month. Average rent for a one-bedroom in downtown Berk runs about eleven hundred a month if you don’t want to live above a club or a subway station or dog kennel, which Astrid doesn’t, so she’s willing to deal with a lot for this seven fifty a month. But a lot, even as a vague concept, still has boundaries. Boundaries that loom ever closer with every kitchen cabinet she opens to find bare and empty space instead of bed bugs or black mold or a secretly cemented in shrine to Tom Brady or Cthulhu.

The closet isn’t a walk-in, but it’s clean, and the landlord will let her set her own rent schedule. Hell, it’s quiet because neighbors both up and downstairs are renting on airbnb from out of state, so she basically has this whole side of the building to herself. Most of her few boxes are almost fully unpacked when she finally starts to come around to the idea that sometimes when things seem too good to be true, it might just be because they are that good.

And that’s when the bright red laser dot appears on the light fixture on the kitchen ceiling.

“…there!” A voice shouts from the courtyard below the kitchen window and Astrid crosses the room just in time to see a silent but flashing police car pull up at the curb and illuminating a small group of people surrounding the person pointing the laser up through the fog. “Aaaand we’ve got to go!”

The shouting person starts to run, patting the hood of the cop car and flailing to catch a hat that falls off of their head as the rest of the group shuffles behind, giggling nervously.

Ok, a few drunks in the courtyard, that’s what’s to be expected for seven fifty a month. It’s a catch, but a manageable one, Astrid will just have to order some blackout curtains when her first paycheck hits, that’s not too big of a deal. She watches the cop car turn off its lights and the cop in the front seat waves in her direction, a welcome to the neighborhood that she really doesn’t want, and she closes the crappy mass produced blinds that only sort of block the view.

The cop car leaves, eventually, and she starts unloading books onto the lone Ikea bookcase that kind of fits between the couch and bedroom door. She has to be at her advisor’s office first thing in the morning, but she won’t be able to focus if she doesn’t have some semblance of a home setup to come home to and books on a shelf are the easiest way to do that. Even so, the apartment is more of a mess than when she started when she gives up for the night and starts brushing her teeth.

The laser pointer appears again, reflecting off of her bathroom mirror and glowing dimly in her dingy kitchen light fixture.

“…there, I think I’ve got it, not a great angle from here, but approximately right under that light, on the second story is where Elizabeth Smith died.”

Astrid whips open the bathroom window, fumbling her toothbrush as she does and dropping it onto what sounds like the same idiot as earlier.

“What the fuck?”

Her toothpaste spatters an arc across a stupid looking top hat, of all things, as a skinny guy looks up and freezes, staring at her out of a pale face for a second before clicking the laser pointer off. The crowd around him laughs, not nearly embarrassed or startled enough for the revelation that apparently Astrid’s apartment is cheap because some woman died in her living room. They shouldn’t be laughing about that.

“Your apartment was empty,” the guy wipes his hat on his long black coat and takes a few halting steps back towards the sidewalk.

“Now it’s not!” Astrid growls, wiping toothpaste off of her mouth with the back of her hand. That was a new electric toothbrush head and those things aren’t cheap except oh, that doesn’t matter, because someone died in her living room and no one told her.

“Noted!” The guy nods, replacing his smudged top hat and ushering the small group of stupid drunks behind him.

A gust of wind and creaking tree branches make Astrid jump and the window slams shut, barely avoiding her fingertips.

“Fuck,” she swears under her breath, hugging her stomach and staring at the light fixture in the next room. “No. I’m not going to get freaked out about this. Just because some drunk idiot has privacy issues doesn’t mean anyone died here.” Her feet drag the first couple of forced steps into the living room where she sits on the couch and picks up her phone, hovering over the landlord’s number for a second.

Gobber said to text anytime. If it were a plumbing emergency or she had found bedbugs or Patriots paraphernalia in the cabinets, she wouldn’t hesitate, but if she says something now, it feels like she’s scared for no reason.

Unless it’s not no reason. It could be a healthcode violation, she might need to argue for a pre-move in professional cleaning in her lease. That should really be in all the lease paperwork. She’s doing Gobber a legal service when she texts him, really, she’s not scared or even that perturbed.

Astrid (10:37pm): Who is Elizabeth Smith?

It’s ambiguous enough that if there’s no truth to this, Gobber should debunk it pretty quickly. He seemed like a stand-up guy, or at least decently direct if the way he shrugged off helping her move in with a laughing wave of his prosthetic arm is any indication.

Landlord Gobber (10:39pm): You heard about that, did you?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Astrid scrolls through her phone to Ruffnut’s contact and calling her. “Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

“Hello?” Ruffnut is somewhere loud and she sounds about as drunk as Laser Pointer asshole must have been.

“You have to come over to my new apartment, right now.”

“I thought we were getting lunch tomorrow.”

“Someone died here.” Astrid doesn’t need to give any other means of explanation because Ruffnut asks for the address and says she’ll be here in ten. She’s knocking on the front door in eight and Astrid opens to see her holding a small shovel, the kind designed to keep in the trunk of cars for digging out of the snow. “I don’t have a car.”

“I know, that’s why I already over-tipped my Uber driver, they’re waiting downstairs,” Ruffnut stumbles inside, giving Astrid a one-armed hug that would be anti-climactic after so long apart if it weren’t for the other circumstances. “You said something about a body?”

“What?” Astrid looks at the light fixture then Ruffnut’s shovel, eyes widening. “There’s no body here now—“

“You said someone died here, what was I supposed to think?”

“That at some point in time, someone died in my apartment, not that I needed your help hiding a body.” Astrid yanks the door shut and turns on the light, shuddering again. What if it fell on whoever Elizabeth Smith was? What if this apartment is so cheap because the shoddy wiring literally has a death count?

“Do I get any points for not asking if they deserved it?” Ruffnut looks around, adjusting her grip on the short shovel, “because if you had killed someone, they definitely would have deserved it.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Astrid shuts the door, “I didn’t even kill the asshole shining a laser pointer into my apartment, I just threw my toothbrush at him.”

“What?”

“It’s a long story.” She sighs and tugs at her braid, struggling to reconcile the fact that she moved in today. It was just last night she turned in the keys to her old, awful roommate and loaded her last boxes into the van and now, less than twenty four hours later, she’s dealing with a new apartment that might be a crime scene. “And a long day. Have you ever heard of Elizabeth Smith?”

“Should I ask John Doe?” Ruffnut points over her shoulder, “and should I go tell the Uber driver to shut his trunk?”

“I’ll come with you, there’s a liquor store down the block.”

They don’t talk much on the way to get a bottle of wine. Astrid almost worries about her own expression because it’s not like Ruffnut to tread lightly and no one grows up or changes that much in two years. She’s relieved when they get back and Ruffnut bowls through her hesitation, practically snatching her front door keys away and unlocking the door.

“So you never answered, are we looking for a ghost named Jane Johnson or whatever?”

“I have no idea,” Astrid opens the silverware drawer where she threw her mismatched set of cutlery earlier and thankfully finds her corkscrew, “you know what? No, I’m—I shouldn’t have called you, I’m just going to look it up, what’s my problem?”

“I don’t know what your problem is, that’s why I keep asking.”

“Elizabeth Smith, Berk, 324 Harbor Road,” Astrid types into her searchbar as she takes a swig of wine out of the bottle and hands it absently to Ruffnut, who does the same.

“You are awfully close to the harbor, aren’t you?” Ruffnut hauls herself up to sit on the kitchen counter, “I bet it’s going to smell like fish all morning, is that how you can afford it?”

“…and here, right above this courtyard, on a winter’s night in eighteen hundred and eighty three—”

The whisper-yell sends a thrill of anger and a wave of residually embarrassed fear through Astrid’s chest as she throws open the kitchen window to see another small group of drunks huddled in their coats around a toothpaste stained top hat.

“What is your problem?” She shouts and the guy freezes.

“What is going on?” Ruffnut jostles for a view of the window.

“And the apartment on the second story is still very active today,” the guy announces before hurrying off towards the gate, laser pointer bouncing off of a window across the street, “we’ll go to the site of the second murder—“

“Second murder?” Astrid calls after the group of stupid, trespassing drunks as they follow the idiot posing as a fancy Victorian trespasser, but no one answers and she slams the window shut with a scowl.

“Elizabeth Smith?” Ruffnut takes Astrid’s phone from the counter and scrolls through the search, “do you know anything about Viggo Grimborn, the Harbor Street Killer?”

“Is he a moron masquerading around in a top hat at…twelve forty eight in the morning?” Astrid’s knees shake with sudden onset exhaustion, which has a single treatment, which is wine out of the bottle even though it’s past midnight and she has to be at work in seven hours.

“No, the Harbor Street Killer, the one that’s inspired like…ok, more than a couple Johnny Depp characters, I’m not even going to list them. The famous one. Holy shit, Elizabeth Smith was his first victim.”

“Wait,” Astrid sits on the floor, cross-legged clutching the wine, “the one with that documentary?”

“Yeah, the one that filmed a few years ago, there was that cute camera guy,” Ruffnut nods, “my brother got really into it for a while, he had some theory that it was Theodore Roosevelt or something, I can get him to bring over his binder thingy.”

“No that’s—“

“Dossier!” She lays on the floor, head on Astrid’s leg, “that’s what he kept calling it. He’d totally bring it over.”

“No, don’t invite him,” Astrid takes her phone back before Tuffnut can be instructed to bring a compendium of his surely logical theories to the party. “I just have to do some research.” She wrings her hands, “tomorrow, after I sleep in the apartment where Viggo Grimborn killed someone. Apparently.”

Astrid isn’t going to explicitly ask Ruffnut to stay, but she doesn’t kick her out either.  Ruffnut's snoring is kind of a safety blanket, a white noise that Astrid is long accustomed to studying or sleeping through after four long years as college roommates, and Astrid doesn't realize she fell asleep on the floor, underneath the infamous light fixture, until her alarm is going off before sunrise the next morning.  

The same muscle memory that let Ruffnut's snores carry her peacefully to sleep now inspires her to smack Ruffnut awake with a pillow as she stumbles to the bathroom to start getting ready.  The bathroom where there is no toothbrush because it's on the ground outside, fully frosted over next to what Astrid imagines to be a stupid looking top hat shadow.  As always, the anger comes first, riding on a blanket of irritation.  She was ready to find all kinds of ridiculous things after accepting an apartment with such monumentally cheap rent, but some idiot with a laser pointer making a triplicate pilgrimage to annoy her wasn't on the agenda.  

She checks her phone to see if her landlord ever explained his monumentally helpful and not at all ominous text, and when she sees that he hasn't, she pries further.  

Astrid (7:04am): From a lunatic in the courtyard three times last night

She'll regret the sass later.  Or more like after payday when she can afford another electric toothbrush.  

"Did Johnny Depp kill us in our sleep?" Ruffnut hangs around the door, wiping smudged mascara off of her cheek and reaching for Astrid's stopgap mouthwash to swish some around her cheeks.  

"Not that I'm aware of," Astrid stares at her reflection in the dingy mirror for a second.  The slightly dark bags under her eyes are leftover from her last job's hours and the move and they only worsened the night before, but exhaustion only magnifies determination.  She's going to get to the bottom of this.  And by this she means her apartment and the laser pointed wielding, top hat wearing asshole who brought its flaws to her attention.  

It's not a great goal to start a new grad fellowship with, so maybe it's a good thing that her advisor is out through the end of the week.  A blonde guy who introduces himself as Fishlegs hands over her laptop and gives her a brief, but oddly in depth tour of the criminal archives before showing her to her desk.  It takes a couple of hours to check her class and work schedules and then she's stuck sitting.  

Sitting and researching.  

Pertinent things like ongoing studies in her department.  It's not intentional when she clicks a few footnotes and ends up looking at a dissertation on the Harbor Street Killer, where Elizabeth Smith is mentioned on the first page.  Five times in the document, in fact.  

Landlord Gobber (12:10pm): don't call the cops, I'll talk to him

Astrid (12:12pm): The Harbor Street Killer?  

She capitalizes because it feels significant.  Or maybe because she wants it to feel significant.  Being scared of all capital letters is different than being scared of lower case, not that she was scared at all.  Tired and addled, maybe, but not scared.  

Of course her landlord doesn't answer, why would he for seven fifty a month, and it's not like she has anything to do so she starts searching.  She expects the first page to be articles or even adaptations, like Ruffnut had mentioned, but most of the promotional links are for tours.  Walking tours, bus tours, one Segway tour.  

"Find anything interesting?"  Fishlegs interrupts Astrid's thoughts with a tired chuckle, "I wish I had a day here with nothing to do." He gestures to the stacks of books and records around them and Astrid nods.  

"Yeah, it's a great collection."  She hasn't found anything other than fodder for the world's creepiest staycation in her new city, but Fishlegs doesn't have to know that.  

"We have every Berk Times back through seventeen ninety five."  He brags, thumbing along a yellowed stack of pages, "if you need help finding anything--"

"Anything on the Harbor Street Killer?"  It falls out, weighted by lack of sleep and careless curiosity and Astrid bites her lip to keep from saying anything else.  

"The Harbor Street Killer?"  He rolls his eyes, "don't tell me you're one of those."  

"Oh, I'm not," Astrid scoffs, "I just...I think one of these tours I found online intersected my new apartment last night.  A few times, actually."  

"Try going to the Ripped Tavern after work," Fishlegs sits down at his own desk, "after happy hour, prices double for the tourist crowd."

"That sucks," Astrid nods, commiserating even as she looks up the tavern in association with the Harbor Street Killer.  There are about five different tours that meet there between four in the afternoon and one in the morning, like there's an entire industry based on the murder that apparently happened in Astrid's apartment.  

"Just because Johnny Depp--"

"Right," she cuts him off, "shouldn't ruin happy hour.  I get it."  

Fishlegs nods and starts muttering to himself over some file, his social interaction quota for the day evidently met.  Astrid texts Ruffnut to meet her at the Ripped Tavern after work.  

She gets there a little before seven and orders a half pint to have an excuse to sit and watch the crowd.  It transitions quickly from college students and office workers from nearby buildings to people holding maps and giggling over the same hushed name.  Viggo Grimborn.  The first tour guide she sees is obvious, because the woman is wearing an extravagant hat and carrying a sign that says 'Berserker Tours, 7:15pm'.  A small group congregates quickly around her and she checks names off of a list before clearing her throat and starting in on a practiced lecture.  

"Viggo Grimborn, the most famous murderer who was never caught."  She gives the crowd around her a second to giggle, "over the next two hours, we're going to visit important locations relevant to both the six murders most commonly attributed to Grimborn and the case pursuing him, but also one actual murder location."  

The front door of the tavern opens, a gust of cutting wind drawing Astrid's attention as she reflexively looks for Ruffnut, and instead sees a tall guy adjusting a bulging messenger bag over his shoulder.  But his bag isn't what gets her attention, it's his face, or more specifically the way that he looks at the woman in the hat starting her tour and rolls his eyes.  He gives the crowd gathered around her a wide berth, gait uneven from the heavy bag as he makes his way to a table in the back corner and starts flicking through a thick file.  

He's cute, not that Astrid cares.  That's not even why she's looking at him, it's his expressions that are holding her attention.  He seems to be trying very hard to ignore the tour beginning in the opposite corner of the tavern but keeps reacting anyway, mouth twisting into a mocking grimace when the tour guide says something about her theories about Grimborn's true identity.  When the tour group finally makes its way outside he rolls green eyes again, cheeks puffing out as he shakes his head and leans further over his file, tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth in evident concentration.  

"Hey," Ruffnut startles her, plopping down across the table and taking a sip of Astrid's beer without asking.  "Sorry, traffic.  Did I miss anything?"  

"Not really," Astrid resists the urge to look at her fellow reasonable person judging the next tour that's congregating by the bar, because Ruffnut's eagle eyes would catch onto something that's not there and get distracted, "just a Viggo Grimborn murder tour leaving with a different hat wearing weirdo than the one shining laser pointers into my apartment."  

"Really?  Is this like...a thing?  Don't tell Tuff that I owe him an apology for saying he's the only idiot on earth who cares about some hundred year old murder."  She looks around and wrinkles her nose, "oh my god, they're selling merchandise."  

Astrid follows her eyeline to a row of tee shirts displayed above the bar and wrinkles her nose, "murder commemoration clothes.  Great."  

"So what's the plan here?"  Ruffnut rubs her hands together, "are we going on a nerdy tour or..."  

"If I'm going to see that top hat wearing weirdo anywhere, I figure it'll be here."  

"So we're looking for the top hat weirdo," Ruffnut leans her chin on her hand and nods slowly, "what are you going to do when you find him?  Do I need to get that Uber driver back here and find some secluded woods or..."

"I don't know," Astrid shrugs.  She hasn't thought that far ahead, which isn't necessarily something she's used to.  A lot about this move has been spur of the moment and while she can't say it's comfortable, she doesn't really know how to backtrack at this point.  

"Well...you might want to think fast on that."  Ruff points over Astrid's shoulder and before Astrid can call out her overwhelming lack of subtlety, she sees what--or who--she's pointing at.  

There's a toothpaste stained top hat on the table next to the file, and the guy who she'd stupidly thought to be reasonable is pulling a long, antique looking coat out of his bag and shrugging into it.  The sign propped on his table says ‘The Real Viggo Grimborn tour, 7:30pm’.