#the color blue is a bobby color but buck does wear it too

[deadnatura11]

Thinking about colors and now I'm wondering does Buck almost always wear blue when he cooks because Bobby is blue and he learned how to cook from Bobby/taking on one of Bobby's roles by being the cook and feeding his family?

[lover-of-mine]

Welcome to Anna wants to write a color meta because she noticed Buck's shirt in 710 was blue.

Okay, so, a while back I was rewatching the tsunami arc, as one does, and I noticed the way that madney has "we want kids someday" conversation while wearing blue and red. That also happens to be the color combo bathena was wearing while Athena says they don't want more kids. That's also the color Buck and Eddie are wearing during the "there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you" or the scene where we establish that Chris is Buck's too.

And I just thought to myself, huh, cool thing to add to the arc, and moved with my life, until I noticed the amount of blue and red surrounding henren's "we want more kids" arc because then it becomes a color combo about parenting, which is an interesting combo to have.

But using the rules I usually use, that everything is about every element of the scene, not just the clothes, they actually start establishing that during 218 when they decide on the IVF and it continues to be used through the IVF and into the fostering arc. Like when they are talking to Athena about the changes a new baby will bring in 304, when they get Nia in 311. And it's also an element during the Mara plot in season 7.

There's also the way madney finds out they are pregnant in red and blue.

But there are things like the blue and red elements in 516 when we get May calling Bobby her dad.

Because the thing with the suspenders is that we are usually seeing the yellow part of them, even in other moments during mayday, the yellow bit is a lot more prominent, so they made the choice to put Bobby's like that, so he would have that blue and red on him.

This got me thinking, because while I was making my buddie in every episode set for 303, I realized the way that Christopher's glasses work in a similar way. (Also, how many color theory moments can I use this scene in? Apparently all of them lol) Even the sirens and the way they give Buck a blue phone.

And it's also interesting that Eddie is wearing blue and Buck gives him the glasses, so Buck doesn't have the red anymore, but we have the blue and red from the truck and the background, and then Chris himself becomes the red element and Buck's background is suddenly blue elements. There's also the way Eddie is holding blue gloves throughout the whole scene.

And Chris continues to contribute to the color combo later because his glasses and crutches are red and his shirt has blue in it. His backpack is also blue.

So, a very prominent color combo during the arc that establishes the co-parenting.

But I thought they kept the blue and red aspect during 710 just with Chris' backpack because I thought Buck's shirt was black. But his shirt is blue.

So, yeah, they had Buck there as Eddie's co-parent. We knew that but... colors.

As always, if you read this, I love you.

[demisexual-eddie-diaz]

Kiss You on the Dance Floor -

A Buddie fic inspired by the song “A secret love song” by Little Mix

(Buck’s Suit) (Eddie’s Suit)

Bobby and Athena were having an anniversary party, and Eddie wanted Buck to be his date.

He wasn’t going to ask him directly, of course, but he hoped Buck would figure it out when he asked him to teach him how to slow dance.

Eddie was completely useless when it came to slow dancing.

“I’m Mexican”, he’d say “we do not slow dance. We Salsa!”

“Eddie, this is not a ‘Salsa’ kind of event. You need to learn how to slow dance.” Buck stated as they were climbing up the stairs to the firehouse loft one day.

Eddie turned around and looked at Buck in his beautiful blue eyes.

“Then teach me. If you know how to ‘slow dance so well’, teach me.”

The whole loft went dead silent. Even Bobby stopped cutting up the fruit to see what was going on.

“Okay, I will.” Buck says, poking Eddie’s chest. “Chris has his sleepover, so he won’t make fun of us.”

“My porch has plenty of room.”

“That it does, it’s perfect.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“It’s settled. A date.” Buck smiled back at an extremely nervous Eddie.

Ravi leaned into Hen and Chim’s space.

“Did they finally, you know?”

“They did not, my friend. They did not.” Chim answered.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Hen sighed.

“How?”

“We don’t know.” They replied at the same time, shaking their heads.

“We don’t know.”

Eddie couldn’t figure out what the hell he was supposed to wear to learn how to dance. He didn’t want to seem too dressed up, but didn’t want to look completely unkept.

He settled on dark jeans and a loose button up. He was pacing, worrying that he was overdressed when Buck walked in.

‘Holy shit,’ Eddie thought.

‘Holy shit.’

Buck was wearing his light pink button up with light colored jeans.

Eddie had seen him wear this a hundred times, but this time felt different. So very different.

“Hey, Eds,” Buck beamed up at Eddie.

“So, I brought a small speaker so we can hear the songs clearly and pizza and a salad for later.”

“Yeah, uh- that’s great. Thank you.”

Buck turned back around and gave Eddie a concerned look.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he laughed, “you’re going to do great.” He said, taking Eddie’s hands in his own.

“Yeah. I hope so. Can’t embarrass myself in front of everyone.”

“You won’t. I’ve got you.” Buck said, squeezing Eddie’s hands a bit.

“Come on,” he said, dragging him out of the house. “Let’s do this.”

Eddie was better at this than he thought he’d be. He only stepped on Buck’s feet a few times. It could be worse.

And as if on cue, Buck took his right hand out of Eddie’s and lifted his chin with it.

“Hey, stop looking so worried. You’re doing amazing.”

“Yeah.?” Eddie asked, staring up at those damn blue eyes.

“Yes,” Buck says, moving his hand back.

“Truly, you’re doing amazing. You also look pretty good doing so, if I might add.”

“Eh, I’m not sure about that. I just grabbed this out of my closet. You, however, look amazing.”

“If you say so. Are you hungry yet?”

“A bit. I’m assuming you are?”

“Very much so.”

“Let’s go in. Even if I’d rather do this all night.”, Eddie joked.

“We could, if you’d like. I was going to make you watch Brokeback Mountain again, though.”

“Oh, absolutely not. Never again. I can’t believe you made me watch that.”

“That so? Thought you liked it, cowboy.”

“Shut up.”

“Mhm.” Buck said, blushing.

If all of that wasn’t enough to get Buck to realize he wanted him to be his date, maybe this will.

They’re back at work the next day, sitting across from each other at the table.

“Hey, Bobby,” Eddie looks up.

“Yes?”

“What’s the dress code? For the party?”

“I think Athena wants people to wear dresses and suits, but as long as it looks nice, it’s fine.”

“Color scheme?”

“Spring, I think. Like pastels and such.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

Eddie pauses before looking at the man across from him.

“Buck?”

“Eds.”

“Do you have anything that would work for that?”

“No, you?”

“No..we should go get something to wear together.”

“Yes!,” Buck says excitedly, “We totally should. We’ll take Chris after school to that suit shop and get something.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“We should match.”

“We could.”

“Good. It’ll be cute.” The smiling man said.

Oh come on.

He’s got to know.

Maybe Eddie’s being the

dumb one now.

“Buck!” Christopher yelled as he climbed into the truck,

with Eddie’s help.

“Chris!”

“We thought we’d go get something new for Bobby and Anthena’s party, mijo. That sound good?”

“Sounds great!” Chris smiled, buckling his seatbelt.

After about a thirty minute ride, they arrived at the shop.

Buck helped Chris down and shut the door.

“So, Superman, what color do you think you’d want?”

“Maybe green?” He said walking into the shop.

“That would look amazing. How ‘bout you, Eds?”

“Not sure, you?”

“Probably a light blue. I think it’d look good.”

“Me too.” Eddie agreed, smiling fondly at the man walking next to him.

“Can I help you?” The clerk asked.

“We’re looking for pastel suits. I think this guy” Buck says, putting his hands on Chrises shoulders, “wants green.”

“We can do that. And you two?” She said, looking up at Eddie.

“I’m not sure, he’s the clothing guy.”

She laughed and looked over at Buck.

“I’d want blue. I think Eddie would look amazing in pink, if I can talk him into it.”

“Pink?”

“Yes, Eds, pink.”

“We can do that too, just this way.”

Buck settled on this gorgeous light blue suit that Eddie thinks he’ll hold in his memory forever.

Buck said he planned on wearing it open with a somewhat unbuttoned white shirt.

He thinks if he sees him in that, he’ll simply pass away.

Buck did talk Eddie into a pink suit, but only because of the way he smiled while Eddie was wearing it.

God, why does he have to be so cute?

Chris got a simple green suit, but it looks good on him.

“Okay, so, we’ll go and drop these off at home and then get burgers?” Buck suggests.

‘Home’. Eddie loves it when Buck calls his house home.

“Sounds good, Buck.” Eddie says, while pulling his card out.

“Just the two, or all three, sir?” The clerk asks him.

“All three, please.”

“Eddie, come on.” Buck says, smacking his arm.

“All three.” Eddie says, turning to look at Buck.

“Fine. But I’m getting dinner.”

“Hear that, Chris? Order whatever you want at dinner. Buck’s paying.”

“Yes!”

“You’re screwed now, cowboy. He’s going to order the whole menu.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure he will.”

The clerk smiled when Eddie called Buck ‘cowboy’.

He didn’t think about how embarrassing that was, but the blush on Buck’s face makes it all worth it.

They leave with three suits and one tie.

A light blue one, to match Buck’s suit, for Eddie to wear.

They climb into the truck and head off to Eddie’s.

The dinner bill adding up to sixty-eight dollars, before Buck’s twenty dollar tip.

“So,” Buck starts, leaving Chris's room, “I’m staying here for the night?”

He moves his hands to his pockets, looking up at Eddie.

“Yeah, if you want. You know you don’t have to ask that.”

“I mean, it might be better if I get ready at the stupid loft. So I can surprise you when I get there.”

“I guess you could.”

“Yeah, that might be a better idea, actually. So you’ll have the room to get dressed, and so will I.”

“Okay, yeah. It’s whatever you think is best.” Eddie says, following Buck to the door.

“I’ll miss being at home for the night.”

Buck states, stopping at the now open door.

“I’ll miss having you here too. But I think you’re right. You like your space to get dressed into fancy clothes.”

“Yeah, I do.” Buck says looking into Eddie’s a bit longer than he should’ve.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.” Buck speaks up.

“Yeah, you too.”

They bring each other into a tight hug and Eddie smiles at the smell of Buck’s strawberry shampoo.

Buck pulls himself in closer before finally letting go.

“Bye, cowboy.” Buck laughs, turning to go to his Jeep.

“Bye, Buckaroo.” Eddie replies.

He watches Buck pull out of the driveway before turning around to enter his home.

He locks the door with a click, and goes into his bathroom to shower.

Eddie wakes at seven am, on a Saturday, even though the party isn’t until six.

He’d like to say it was because he got a good nights rest, but in reality, he got up because he was tired of staring at his ceiling.

He couldn’t sleep. All night.

All he could think of was Buck in that suit, and trying to figure out how to hide the expression on his face when he’ll see him.

He was also trying to figure out if Buck realized it was a date.

He still didn’t know for sure.

A few minutes later his phone dings and it’s a text from Buck.

‘Cowboy<3’: hey, you up?

‘Eds<3’: yes, why?

‘Cowboy<3’: just wanted to ask you

something

‘Eds<3’: ok, what’s that?

‘Cowboy<3’: •••

‘Eds<3’: Buck?

‘Cowboy<3’: is this a date?

‘Eds<3’: only if you want it to. if not, then

it doesn’t have to be.

‘Cowboy<3’: i want it to be a date

‘Eds<3’: then it is, I should’ve asked you

directly.

‘Cowboy<3’: you basically did, and so

did I, I might add. But I was

just making sure I wasn’t

reading anything wrong.

‘Eds<3’: you didn’t

‘Cowboy<3’: good, see you later:)

‘Eds<3’: see you later:))

Eddie and Chris get there before Buck does.

He knows this because he would know if Buck was in the room.

He’d feel it.

“Wow, Eddie, you look great. And you too, Chris. Buck isn’t here yet.” May says, walking up to them.

“Uh, thanks. You too. And tell me if you see him before I do?”

“Will do.” She says, turning to leave.

“Damnnn, Eddie. Look at you!” Hen says walking over, with Karen and Denny close behind.

“Yeah, you too.” He replies. But all is lost the second Buck walks in through the doors.

He has the top three buttons of his shirt undone, showing off his collarbones.

He looks like a Greek god, with his blue suit and bright eyes shining against the cream colored walls of the venue.

He walks over to Bobby, first, handing him a small gift.

Eddie can’t take his eyes off of him as he greets his other friends.

He knows Hen and Chris are talking but can’t hear a word of what they’re saying. Chris shakes his arm and he’s pulled somewhat out of his trance.

“Oh good, he’s still breathing.”

“That is good, Chris. For a minute I thought we lost him.”

Eddie gives them a weak smile as Buck makes his way over to them.

“God, Buck.” Eddie says when he’s close enough to hear.

“I guess that answers my question of ‘how do I look?’”

“It does,” Hen says smiling. “I think you gave him a mini heart attack when you walked in.”

“That was the point.” Buck says, smiling towards Eddie.

“Yeah, it worked.” Eddie breathed out.

Hen took Chris’ hand and they walked over to a table to sit down, and to give Buck and Eddie some privacy.

“You look really, really, really good, Evan. I do think I had a ‘mini heart attack’.”

“Sorry?,” he says, taking Eddie’s hand. “Let’s dance, show off your new skills.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll do my best.”

The first song is a fairly simple one. No real slow dancing required, which was nice.

A few dances later and they're smiling like idiots at each other, Buck’s hands on Eddie’s shoulders and Eddie’s hands on Buck’s waist.

Then the music slows down, definitely not by Bobby’s request.

The song Secret Love Song by Little Mix is playing.

Eddie loves this song and knows all of the lyrics to it.

He moves one of his hands to Buck’s shoulder and lifts the other one to meet him halfway.

He blushes when Buck moves his hand down to his waist and wraps his figures around Eddie’s hand.

He whispers a “this is what we practiced for” in his ear, and he swears, a chill rushes over his whole body.

He’s aware that the whole room is ‘not’ looking at them, but he doesn’t really care.

When it gets to the chorus of the song, Eddie shifts slightly so Buck’s head can rest on his shoulder.

Buck ends up wrapping his arm around Eddie’s back while Eddie’s free hand finds Buck’s hair.

Eddie begins to hum the song, and then, quietly, starts singing the lyrics to Buck.

“Why can’t you hold me in the street, why can’t you kiss me on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that, why can't we be like that?

‘Cause I’m yoursss.”

The song ends and they separate a bit, still holding each other.

“I am yours.” Buck says, looking up at Eddie.

“And I’m yours.”

The lights are still low and the next song starts, everyone around them begins dancing again. But they remain looking at each other.

Eddie places his hands on the sides of Buck’s face and brings him close to his own face.

He softly brings his lips to Buck’s and they melt into each other immediately.

They stay like that for a few seconds, before breaking the kiss.

“It is ‘like that’ now, Eddie. You kissed me on the dance floor.” Buck says, with a smirk.

“I did.”

“Do it again?”

“Always.” He says, giving Buck another small kiss.

“I love you, Evan.”

“I love you too…cowboy.”

[liesoverthec]

OG 911 Character Details from Canon Pt 2

Hi y’all I’m back! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reblogged the last details post - I sort of just thought people would like it and it would die, so to see it travel and hopefully reach more writers was so great so thank you again!

Details under the cut since I went a little crazy 😅 and if this is your first time seeing this, the first part, and any future parts, can be found under this tag here!

Quick note before I get to the details - always, ALWAYS take details from dialogue or plot over details from the set or props if they contradict each other. The writers have the ultimate say over what happens on the show/for the characters, so whatever they say goes, even if it goes against something props has already laid down (eg, Chim’s birthday, sorry Libra crew. He’s an Aries or a Pisces). So keep that in mind for the future in case some of these details I have which are from props/set are changed in the future, or if you’ve noticed something yourself!

Also if you have questions, I am MORE than happy to answer them, although if you leave them in the tags on this post I’m probably gonna lose them, so if it’s something you’d genuinely like an answer to, drop it in my inbox! Besides my standard “ask” tags, I’m also tagging asks about canon details with this tag here. Every time I make a big post like this, I’m going to link all the asks I’ve gotten since the last post, but if you’re looking for more info in the mean time, that’s the other spot to look!

Buck has a grill on his patio.

Eddie doesn’t hang Christopher’s art on the fridge - instead it is either hung on the corkboard in Chris’ room to the left of the door, or Eddie puts it in an actual frame and hangs it using a hammer/nails in Christopher’s room. All the Diaz family has on their fridge is a bunch of bendy people magnets. (I absolutely ADORE him putting all this effort into treating Christopher’s art like it’s something you’d buy from a professional artist).

Info on everyone’s ages can be found here. (Little more discussion of Chim’s situation here).

Albert has a bachelor’s degree! I don’t know in what though, except that it’s some field for which is a Master’s is useful.

Athena was in a sorority in college, Delta Sigma Theta. Their website describes them as “ ...a sisterhood comprised primarily of Black, college-educated women ... [that] considers the issues impacting the Black community and boldly confronts the challenges of African Americans and, hence, all Americans ”, which I love for Athena, and feel is very in-character for her at that time in her life!

Chim is an aviators dude. When he wears sunglasses, they’re always aviators.

Athena also wears nothing but aviators.

Bobby wears square aviators.

Eddie, on the other hand, always wears Wayfarers.

Buck either doesn’t really like sunglasses or he constantly forgets he owns them, since we’ve only seen him wear them once in 60 eps, in a move I’m pretty sure was ONLY for dramatic effect.

Hen’s sunglasses change style over the seasons like her regular glasses do, but she tends to like browline sunglasses.

Info on Christopher’s school can be found here!

There are two colors of dispatch polo, and there doesn’t seem to be any rhythm or reason for who wears what. Maroon - Maddie and Linda. Blue - Josh and May. Jamal has actually worn both maroon and blue, so it doesn’t seem to be TOTALLY set in stone although I’ve never seen anyone else switch. Sue is too badass to wear a dispatch shirt.

Both Bobby and Eddie drive 4 door pickups. Bobby’s is navy. Eddie specifically has a black, 2020 GMC Denali 1500 pickup truck (in case you want to specifically look up what the inside of it looks like or what features it has 😂)

Info on the 118’s medical certifications can be found here.

Correction to Eddie’s living situation from last post: no next door neighbors, but instead UPSTAIRS neighbors. (Pointed out by Abigail in this ask). Also since someone else was wondering the notes of the last post - no, there is absolutely no discussion on the show of whether or not Eddie rents the apartment or owns it. But based on the fact that it’s 1) LA and 2) an apartment, my guess would be he rents it.

When Maddie isn’t feeling like herself, she tends to straighten her hair rather than curl it. It seems to be more when she���s uncertain about her place in her own and other people’s lives, rather than just when she’s simply worried - eg it’s straight in 2B, when she’s uncertain if she wants to continue working as a dispatcher/is unsure about her relationship with Chim.

For work, Chim, Eddie and Buck all use black duffel bags with a LAFD patch on the top. Hen uses several different cute bags, and Bobby seems to have a plain black duffel bag.

Watches - Bobby, Athena, Chim, Hen and Buck all wear their watch on their left wrist (but Athena ONLY wears hers for work, she takes it off at home.) Eddie wears his on his right wrist, and Maddie doesn’t wear one.

Chim (and Maddie by default) literally still have the exact same couch as in the pilot. (Which means that Chim has cuddled Tatiana on that couch, AND Albert has had sex on it. TIME TO GET A NEW ONE, BUCKLEY-HANS 😂)

The 118 has five different rigs - the engine (E118), the ladder truck (T118), two ambulances and the captain’s truck. 95% of the time, when the team is chilling in the cab of a rig and chatting (eg the ‘stuck under a live telephone pole’ scene in Jinx), they’re in the engine, not the truck. (Which I personally learned recently are NOT interchangeable terms!)

Athena and Michael got married when Athena was 37.

If you’d like to give Maddie a full name beyond “Maddie”, you should use Madeline. (I know, I know, in 4x04 she says Maddie is the name on her birth certificate, and that you should never use props details if they contradict script details, but I always thought that was a super weird exchange in 4x04 which could be explained by Maddie getting a nickname since she was born when Margaret and Phillip, you know, actually loved their kids and showed it, so of course Buck doesn’t get one, and in 4x04, Maddie was trying to avoid the entire issue of why she got one and Buck didn’t. But! Do what you want, and use Madeline as the full version of Maddie if you’d like, since that’s what’s on the BOLO in 2x13 😂)

Athena’s call sign is 727 L30, but she doesn’t have a specific squad car - the number changes throughout the series.

Chim really likes chewing gum, but he’s the only one out of the entire family!

The station has an Xbox One S, and it’s white.

In the real LAFD, there are stations 1 through 114. To avoid confusion while filming on the streets (I’m assuming), our fictional LAFD never uses the number of a real station. So if you want another station for a fic, and you want something that would be real in OUR universe, use the numbers 115 and above. They’ve gone as high as 221 in our universe.

Battalions - station 118 is in Battalion 7, which is also not a battalion in real Los Angeles. The 118 has interacted w/ Battalion 1, which is a real battalion, but other ‘non-real which makes them more likely for our universe’ battalions include numbers: 3, 8, 13, 16, 19 and above.

S1 Buck knew the term Jedi, but based on context, didn’t understand AT ALL the context provided by Star Wars, so there’s another edge of his pop culture limits for you.

Chim is the most tech-savvy out of everyone, hands down.

Athena has a VERY active Twitter account.

Abuela’s house number is 8902. I don’t have a street name for you unfortunately though. :/

Athena’s favorite flowers are white roses. None of the other women are really flower people.

Michael likes to wear purple.

When they’re at a call, Buck does pretty much all of the stuff with the hammer and the saw. Eddie does all the work needed with the drill.

Harry goes to Meadowbrook Elementary.

Buck lives on the fourth floor of his apartment building, across the hall from Apt. 416. The lovely @lovelessmotel found this listing for what is more or less the apartment. What happened was: the set crew rented this apartment for the one episode at the end of s2 when Buck moved in, and then over the summer before s3 built their own set of it, and changed some things - eg giving him an island, and moving the sink to a second counter against the far wall, you can see the changes here in this amazing gif set by the awesome Austen, but the listing should let you click around a little more upstairs and figure out dimensions better than what the show provides!

When Athena and Hen go out to eat together, it’s always fast food burgers and fries.

Waffles are Athena’s favorite food, and tiramisu is her favorite dessert.

Every takeout we’ve seen Buck eat has always been in a Chinese food takeout container, and we know he likes Thai food the best. EXCEPT! The one time we see him eat takeout with Eddie and Christopher, they have pizza. So take from that what you will......

Eddie has a cell phone and a landline.

Chim is a shameless multiple texter.

Chim and Bobby sleep closest to the door in their respective bedrooms (both right side of the bed if you are standing at the foot, facing the headboard), and Athena and Maddie sleep furthest away from the door (left side).

Some canon last names for other firefighters at the station in case you wanna add more people to a fic - Mitchell, Sanchez, Serrano (woman), Porter, Meyers (woman), Maxwell, Voyta

Hen and Karen really love decorating their house with dark/red wood.

Karen is Mommy and Hen is Mama.

Bobby has a brother, and a grandmother, and that’s literally ALL we know about his family outside of Marcy and the kids.

Evidence points to Eddie being the oldest child in his family.

Karen has multiple brothers (no sisters), but no idea how many - just that one of them is named Trey, and one of them lives in LA and has kids. They might be the same brother and they might not be.

Both Hen and Athena are only children.

Athena has been on the police force for 30 years.

Christopher and Denny are the same age (born in 2011), and Harry is two years older than them.

Michael lives in apartment 308.

The bank in this universe is CalAm.

Hen and Karen have a picture of Denny, May and Harry on their fireplace mantel.

Eddie having a black thumb + a lot of plants in his living room = him buying fake plants bc he likes the aesthetic ™ or someone (cough Carla cough) is taking care of them for him.

The COVID timeline in OG’s universe is fucked up compared to the real world’s, so it shouldn’t be used as a way to measure time! They just throw it in wherever it makes sense for the story they want to tell (eg the vaccines in s4 ep 8), since s3 was both done before COVID hit but also airing while it was happening. It makes absolutely no sense for May to graduate in March nor for Chris to be going to what is specifically labeled summer camp, and the vaccine plotline was INCREDIBLY early, even for real life, so don’t use anything from that as a measure of time. I’ve found except in specific examples, eg the two tsunami episodes, it’s very safe to say every episode covers a week - fall holidays on the show line up with their real life counterparts, indicating about the same amount of time is passing for us and them.

On that note - Jee-Yun was born in late January, early February 2021. (Conceived in Pinned, which was end of March/beginning of April, meaning Maddie was around a month along at May’s graduation in May ➡ 42 weeks + 3 days from then = late Jan/early Feb. Which unfortunately means we most likely won’t see her birthday celebrated on screen. If we assume she was conceived on the date Pinned aired, aka the very sexy hotel scene, then January 21st or 22nd would be Jee’s birthday, depending on if she was born after midnight or not.

Buck has had at least one other Jeep between the one Maddie gave him, and the one he has now, which means that when he needs a new car, he is purposefully choosing Jeeps.

I hope this was all as interesting/enjoyable to you as it was to me! And just to repeat - I love answering questions so pls let me know if you have any at all ❤

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

Tagging: @buckbuckley

[evanbi-ckley]

Surrounded by the Warmth of the One I Love

4.5k | Rated: E

Five times Eddie wears Buck’s hoodies, and the one time Buck tells Eddie how that makes him feel.

The first time it happens, Buck doesn’t think much of it.

He’s in the locker room getting dressed for his shift. Bobby is already up in the kitchen making omelets for everyone, but Hen and Chim are too busy talking about their next double date night to notice that they’re dawdling.

Eddie jogs into the room, wide-eyed and hair disheveled.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late,” he says, a little breathless.

“Not quite 8 yet, so you’re good,” Hen says. Then she actually looks at Eddie. She furrows her brow, then smirks. “Did you lose a battle with your hair products this morning?”

Eddie reaches up to run a hand through his unruly locks and then groans, “I forgot to put anything in it. I overslept, so I barely had time to shower. And then there was construction on the way to Chris’s school which took extra time. It’s been a morning .”

Without a second thought, Buck grabs his gel from his locker and hands it to Eddie. “Here, use this. It’s the same one you buy, right?”

Eddie looks happily surprised. “Yeah! Thanks, Buck.”

“Don’t mention it,” Buck says.

Buck’s finally dressed, so he closes his locker and turns to leave, but then he does a double take.

“Uh, Eddie?”

“Yeah?” Eddie answers from his spot in front of the mirror.

“Is - is that my hoodie?”

Eddie looks down at what he’s wearing like he’s noticing it for the first time. It’s a little big, but blue is a good color on him.

“Oh. I guess it is. You left it the last time you stayed over. It must’ve been mixed in with my laundry, and I didn’t look at what I’d grabbed since I was in a rush. Sorry.”

And Eddie is… blushing? Huh.

“Hey, no big deal. I’ll get it some other time.”

“Okay,” Eddie says. He’s clearly embarrassed by his mistake because his cheeks turn a deeper red the longer Buck looks at him. “I’ll wash it again when I get home and make sure to set it aside this time.”

“Eddie, really, it’s not a big deal,” Buck assures. “I’m gonna go see if Cap needs any help with breakfast.”

Then he heads up to the loft, and Eddie turns back to the mirror to finish his hair.

They don’t see the look Hen and Chim give each other.

Read the rest on ao3

[iconicbuck]

I don't know where the Red/Blue color theory heavily associated to Buddie started but my guess it was in 3x03 The Searchers.

Anyway it's been on my drafts for more than 2 months and didn't noticed it again until now. I wanna talk about Eddie's homecoming party and I have noticed.

1. The Balloon colors. Yellow and Red balloons and funny how Buck and Ana's shirt wearing the same colors as the balloons.

2. Red/Blue color match. We see Eddie and Ana wearing Red and Blue shirt. Now, what does it mean? We've seen Hen and Karen, Maddie and Chim, Bobby and Athena and at some point Michael and David wearing the same Red/Blue shirts at the same time. A sure sign of legit couples in the show, right? Sure. But what does it have to do with Eddie wearing Blue and Ana wearing Red? The color theory was never associated to them, ever. We've seen them exchanging color outfits. We saw Eddie wearing Black while Ana wearing anything but Red. Or Ana wearing Black and Eddie wearing anything but Red. Same applies to Buck and Taylor. One of them usually wears Black if they're together. It happens a lot of times to both couples. In breaking point, First responders, Treasure Hunt and Suspicion. Everything changes in Survivors.

My best bet was the show's trying to trick us that Eddie and Ana are a match (if we based it on the Red/Blue color theory but heavily associated/connected to Buddie) and Buck wearing something yellow and Taylor wearing something dark red to maroon indicates they aren't a match (again, all basing to the color theory). But what changed? Why does it looked like the stars are aligned for Eddie and Ana here?

Well, since Eddie got shot, Everything seems changed, fast. We'll have yet to find out if it affects their working dynamic as well next season. Eddie found the right timing and reason to tell Buck about his will. Buck acting like he was expendable but Eddie made it clear that Buck was wrong. He named Buck as Chris' Legal Guardian in the event of his untimely death. It's a big deal, for the both of them. I can't answer how that knowledge would affect them individually and together as friends and work partners and their jobs (most especially for Buck) but it's now out and in the open and there's no turning back.

Now, back to the Red/Blue color theory. Eddie was wearing Dark Blue shirt when Buck picked him up in the hospital and could match to Ana's Red shirt if Red/Blue colors indicates endgame for couples in the show. But did Eddie choose to wear that shirt? That Dark Blue shirt? Or did Buck just randomly picked it up in Eddie's drawer for Eddie to wear when he comes to pick him up in the hospital? Say, Red/Blue theory is a legit one (in my head it's always been legit and reason the show's subtly putting it out not just on their clothes but it applies to things near them indicating that they're a match. Too many scenes to mention) so that says Eddie/Ana are endgame, right? But like said, something seems changed. Right after Carla's "Just make sure to follow your heart and not Christopher's, okay?" advice and right after Eddie got shot, everything has changed, fast. One, we didn't get to see Ana interact with Eddie when it's supposed to be the most important interaction they'll have, at least onscreen and we saw Buck and Taylor becomes a thing while Eddie was still in the hospital. Those changes. But Buck and Eddie seems to be the same, if not even more closer. Eddie chose him (Buck - his home. His safe space) to pick him up from the hospital over Ana. Here in the homecoming party, this could be the perfect opportunity for Eddie to finally kiss Ana on the lips like a thank you my girlfriend kiss but it didn't happen (though Ana cupped her hands to Eddie's face for a kiss on the lips). He instead kissed her on the cheeks.

Anyway, what does the Balloon colors says about Buck and Ana who happens to be wearing the same colors? Like I said earlier, I assumed Buck randomly picked the shirt for Eddie to wear since Buck's gonna pick him up in the hospital. The Balloon colors that matches Buck and Ana's shirt was one way for the show to trick us. Cause why not, it could mean Eddie's gonna have a hard time to choose between Buck and Ana. Buck took care of his son - his heart, his world when he couldn't be and Ana was beside him all throughout when Buck couldn't. It's possible. A subtle poetic cinema there if I'll be really honest. So yeah it's possible. But what could be the deal-breaker? A voice and opinion from another person he loves? That he trusts? Outside of Buck and Chris' shadows? Who could that be?

Abuela.

Abuela wearing a Blue/Yellow stripes that matches Buck and Eddie shirt colors.

4x14 Survivors

[tripleaxeldiaz]

maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 5/8

read on ao3

start from the beginning

The Final is a big deal. Even more so this year since it’s the last international competition before the Olympics — the last chance to show the world that you’re worthy of their attention come February. Buck’s been to five of the last eight Finals, and usually all the extra attention from press and fans, even during non-Olympic seasons, make him giddy with excitement, adrenaline pumping through him for almost a solid week before he actually competes.

This time, however, it’s been a week of feeling like he’s going to throw up any second.

It’s not because he’s doing bad at practices — in fact, he’s feeling better than ever, even got to work out his shaky landing on his quad flip that’s been haunting him for weeks. Ice looks the same no matter where you are, so it’s easy for him to get lost in the two hours he’s out there and forget everything and everyone else around him while he works.

When he steps off the ice, though, he’s thrust right back into a world where everyone is keeping an eye on him, watching him to see if he’ll live up to the expectations of being one of the best US skaters a top Olympic hopeful, or if he’ll crumble under the pressure of trying to be the best but always falling a little bit short, especially since the last Games. He’s always viewed it as a redemption — overcoming his injury and clawing his way back to the top — but he can’t control how outsiders view it, has no idea if they feel the same way or have counted him out all together. ESPN can do as many pieces on him as they want, but they can’t guarantee that people are still rooting for him. He’s sure people are talking about him, but he’s steered clear of social media knowing that even if there are nice things about him floating around, it’ll still make him feel worse, crushed by more and more expectations that he’s still not sure he’s going to live up to.

He misses when all that attention would make him feel like he was invincible. 

The biggest thing keeping him sane — despite the 6,000 miles between LA and Turin — is Eddie. They’d seen each other plenty before Buck left, Eddie still coming to the rink every day for PT and light workouts so he could stay in shape while he recovered. It was good, it was normal, even if Eddie wasn’t skating. 

But the night before his flight to Italy, the prospect of being at one of the most important competitions of the season, of his life, without most of his other teammates had hit him hard once again, sucking all the air out of his lungs and making the room spin. 

He called Eddie without even thinking and barely heard him say “Hello?” before he was spilling everything, letting out all the fears and worries he had been trying to keep under control since Bobby told him he was going to the Final. Despite being caught very off guard at 12:30 in the morning, Eddie had listened to it all — really listened, Buck could tell even over the phone. He sympathized with his fears and doubts and didn’t try to downplay them with empty platitudes. And somehow, in those frantic moments, to be heard like that was enough. Enough for the worries in Buck’s head to quiet down and retreat back into the shadows, enough for him to finally be able to breathe. They kept talking afterwards, the smooth timbre of Eddie’s voice making his eyes feel heavier and heavier, until they close and open again to sunlight filtering into his room, his phone on the pillow next to him with a disconnected call and a text that says You’re going to be amazing. Call me whenever you need me.

Buck didn’t think he’d take Eddie up on that, but he’s called him every day since he arrived and every time, no matter what time it is, Eddie picks up and listens to him.

On the last day of practice before short programs, dread settles heavy in Buck’s stomach and doesn’t get any lighter as the day wears on. He skates at the practice rink until his fingers feel numb with cold, and works out after even longer, blasting music in his headphones so he’s not alone with his thoughts for too long. He’s exhausted when he gets back to his room, the quiet that’s become so unfamiliar mixing with the dread and weighing down Buck’s entire body, feeling like it’s trying to push him straight down into the earth. Sinking onto the bed, he dials Eddie’s number.

Five rings, and no answer. He tries again. Nothing.

He tosses his phone to the side and sighs. The dread had lightened ever so slightly at the mere prospect of getting to talk to Eddie, but now it’s back in full force. If he lays here for too long, he’s worried he might melt right into the bedspread.

There’s a knock at the door, and takes every ounce of mental and physical strength he has to get him up. He has a brief, delusional thought that maybe the person on the other side of the door is the same one who didn’t answer his phone, but it’s quickly squashed when there’s another knock, followed by a voice that’s definitely not Eddie’s.

“Buck? I know you’re in there, and I can get my hands on a master key if you don’t let me in right now.”

Hen. 

He opens the door quickly, because he thinks she’s bluffing, but there’s also a very real chance that she’s not. He stands at his full height, pushing back against the dread, and plasters on a smile. “Don’t tell me you have notes 12 hours before the competition starts?”

She looks him up and down, looks through him it seems, judging by the way he suddenly wants to curl in on himself, hide whatever it is she’s looking for. She finds it, he guesses, because she nods decisively and pushes into his room. She grabs his still packed skating bag from the foot of the bed and tosses him his jacket as she goes back into the hallway.

“Come on,” she calls over her shoulder. “We’re going for a drive.”

It takes a minute for Buck’s brain to catch up with everything, but when it does, he hustles to meet her at the elevators. They make their way to the parking lot next to the hotel, where Hen unlocks the Fiat Bobby had rented for the week to get them around. “Bobby’s cool with you taking the car?”

She shrugs. “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt me.”

“So I’m basically being kidnapped right now.”

“You would’ve stayed in your room if you really didn’t want to come.”

He smiles a real smile at that — she knows him too well.

Turin is beautiful at night. The city bustles with energy as people mill around, window shopping and filling up tables outside of cafes despite the early December chill. Christmas decorations have already been hung in windows and strung over rooftops, thousands of lights washing the streets in twinkling colors. Buck lets his eyes relax as he stares out the window, losing himself in the colors that pass by, hoping they’ll burn the heaviness right out of him. They stop outside the Palavela, standing out in its shadowy height among the brightness, decked out in ISU flags in anticipation for the start of competition tomorrow. Hen turns off the car and gets out, walking into the shadows of the arena and almost disappearing before Buck catches up. They make their way to the service entrance at the back of the building, where Hen pulls a key out of her coat pocket and unlocks the door.

Buck’s jaw drops. “I believed you about the hotel, but how did you get a key to this place?”

“A lot of people owe me a lot of favors,” she says, leading the way through the back hallways. 

It occurs to Buck that he doesn’t even know why they’re here, didn’t bother to ask, but regardless, he follows her deeper into the belly of the building. Hallways twist and turn as they follow them seemingly at random, until they finally make it to a set of double doors. Hen pushes them open, and Buck has a moment of panic when he sees what’s on the other side.

“Isn’t it bad luck to see the main rink the day before a competition?”

Hen rolls her eyes and walks inside. “You’re not getting married, Buck. And we’re not just here for the ice.” She keeps moving, up into the stands and further up the stairs to the mid-level walkway. It’s a former Olympic venue, so there’s thousands and thousands of seats, and the reminder that in a few short hours, they’ll be filled with people waiting to see Buck thrive or fail spectacularly weighs him down even more, coming down on his shoulders and threatening to make him stumble. He does stumble when he runs into Hen, who’s stopped dead center of the walkway, eyes warm and bright as she nods towards the other side of the rink.

Tears swim into his vision, but not because of shot nerves or worry this time (though those may be contributing to how quickly this is making him emotional).

Fans bring posters to events all the time — beautiful, handmade posters emblazoned with flags and encouraging quotes, showing their love for their favorite skaters and teams. They’re made of cardboard or printed on fabric, but are usually small, hard to see unless you’re watching on TV or very close to the boards. Sometimes, though — with special permission from the venue, usually — they go big, creating huge tarps that get hung up on the banisters surrounding the seats and stay there all week, loudly cheering for their favorites even when they may not be in the stands.

Which is exactly what Buck comes face to face with — two banners hung across part of the middle banister, covering at least 15 seats. One has a picture of him from Autumn Classic, smiling with his gold medal, with “Go Buck Go!” in big block letters over his head, all on a deep red background and surrounded by golden fireworks. The other — the one that really takes his breath away — is a collage of pictures from his programs over the years, some of his more memorable spins and poses emblazoned across the dark blue fabric. His final pose from his short this season, reaching toward the crowd and looking off into the distance, is featured most prominently, with an ornate script next to it that reads “Evan Buckley: Future Olympic Champion”.

He grips the railing a little tighter to keep himself steady, feels Hen’s hand rubbing up and down his back.

“How—” he starts, voice a little raw.

“Bobby and I saw them when we came by earlier to get our credentials. We think someone hung them up after the short dance today so they’d be ready for tomorrow.”

“Wow,” is all Buck can manage. He’s seen his face on plenty of posters, but never like this, never something that he could see from anywhere in the arena, loudly proclaiming that there are fans in his corner, people beyond himself and his sister that see him at the top of the Olympic podium. He knows they're out there, rationally, when he’s not riddled with nerves and self doubt, but still. It’s nice to be reminded. And what a reminder this is.

“I know it’s been a rough week for you,” Hen says quietly, hand still on his back. “But just...take this in. Let it push you through the next few months. They’re rooting for you, Buck. We all are. You’ve got to keep rooting for yourself too.”

As usual, she’s right — Buck went into this season as his own biggest fan, with one goal in mind that felt like it had been slipping farther and farther away with every fall and every less than perfect score. That drive to win gold becoming more and more desperate as the weeks wore on — like if he didn’t get back to where he should be, where he needed to be, he might not survive. But he has people — his team, his family, and fans like this — who are still envisioning that success for him, who believe in him no matter what. Who will still be in his corner even if he doesn’t make it to the top. Who he wants to prove right for believing in him.

Hen pats his back one last time and heads back down the stairs. Buck lingers a little longer, taking in every detail of the banners that he can, since he won’t be able to appreciate them properly tomorrow. He sneaks a few pictures on his phone, quickly shooting them off to Maddie and Eddie. It doesn’t feel like bragging — they’re at the very top of the list of people that have constantly pulled him up when he falls down the hardest. He knows they’ll appreciate this for him, just like Hen did. They’ll understand how much this means to him.

As he follows Hen’s path down the stairs, the heaviness he had convinced himself was etched into his bones feels like it stays behind, making it easier to breathe, easier to be.

Hen’s next to the boards holding his skates out to him. “You’ve got like 30 minutes — skate it out. I’ll stand watch by the door.” He takes them and sets them on the bench before enveloping her in a hug, rocking back and forth as she laughs into his shoulder. She ruffles his hair and pats his cheek before going to her post.

He feels at peace on the ice, finally. The cold isn’t harsh, it’s invigorating. The fluorescent lights aren’t too bright, they’re comforting, lighting up the grooves and divots of the ice, showing all the paths Buck can follow. A couple of laps gets his blood pumping, roaring in his ears and blocking out everything else. He starts with some easy steps — rockers and three turns, over and over like he did in skating lessons when he was a kid, losing himself in the repetition. When he feels good, really good, he goes for a quad flip, confidence flowing into every stroke as he gets in position. He takes off, and he feels light again — right again — like he’s flying, not falling, not sinking.

Figuratively and literally rising.

~~~~~~~~~~

There’s two missed calls from Eddie when he gets back to his room, and still riding the high of his good mood, he FaceTimes him. 

“Wow, I really missed that smile,” Eddie says when the call connects, and Buck rolls his eyes, not even bothering to hide the blush he can feel warm his cheeks. Eddie must have just gotten back from PT — his hair is falling in swoops over his forehead, damp with sweat, his tank top sticking to what little Buck can see of his chest. His blush gets a couple of shades darker, he’s sure, as he tries not to let his eyes linger anywhere for too long.

Buck flops onto the bed on his back, holding his phone in front of his face. “I had a pretty good night,” he says with feigned nonchalance.

“Seeing banners of your giant face already proclaiming you the next gold medalist will do that to you.” Buck laughs and Eddie laughs with him, the sound like pure happiness, burning out the very last of the dread that had been following him since he arrived. It stops quickly when Eddie sits down on his couch and hisses, wincing as he shuffles to get comfortable. 

“Rough day with Lena?” He saw her every day for two months straight once upon a time, he knows how hard she can push.

“Rough couple of days.”

“Are you feeling better, at least? Do the doctors think it’s healing okay?”

“I have a check-up tomorrow, but it’s fine. Just sore.” He finally settles but he still looks like he’s in pain. Buck wants to press, wants to know every detail of his last few days — what exercises he’s done, when the pain really got worse, if he’s resting enough. But this isn’t his injury, and everyone heals differently. And he trusts Eddie, trusts him to know how to take care of himself like he promised he would.

“Anyway,” Eddie says lightly, clearly trying to change the subject. Buck lets him. “I’m sure this good night will make for a good day tomorrow, too. You feel ready?”

“I do,” Buck answers. He’s pleasantly surprised to find that he actually means it. 

“Good. I know you’ll be great. And you’ll have my sleep deprived text commentary to look forward to when you finish.”

Buck winces. “I’m not gonna be skating until like 4AM your time, you really don’t—”

“I really do. I really want to. And there’s not a whole lot you can do to stop me.” Eddie flashes his crowd-charming smile and Buck feels like he’s melting into the mattress again. He tries for a snappy comeback, anything to keep Eddie talking, but he cuts himself off with a yawn, the exhaustion from the week seeming to catch up with him all at once.

Eddie’s smile gets a little softer. “Go to sleep, Buck. I’m gonna take a nap too so I make sure I wake up on time.”

“Okay, okay. Goodnight Eds.”

“Goodnight. Knock ‘em dead tomorrow.”

After they hang up, Buck gives himself a minute, just a minute, to really bask in that, in Eddie’s active support of him from halfway across the world. It’s one thing to have your teammates watch your programs from the stands, but to find competitions on TV, if they’re being shown at all? To figure out time zones and wake up at ungodly hours just to watch you skate live? It may not seem like much, but it’s everything to Buck. He’s only gotten this kind of commitment from one other person in his life — even his parents stopped keeping up once he started competing abroad more. And it’s different with Maddie — they’ve been on this road together for almost two decades, so intertwined with each other’s successes and failures that they’re hard to differentiate sometimes. Sure, Eddie’s been a part of his life for years now too, but as competition, an obstacle he kept trying and failing to overcome. It’s different now that they’re...whatever they are. Friends. Almost something else. 

For the second time tonight, Buck’s reminded of how grateful he is to have another solid, supportive presence in his corner. The last lingering bits of heaviness and loneliness evaporate from within him, and he knows this weekend will be good for him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Second place.

Second place is fine. Second place is great, actually. Second place is enough to show the USFSA that he’s still a contender, that he can still keep up with the best of the best despite a rocky first half of the season.

But second place is not first place. Even if it’s only six points away.

Overall, Buck is happy with his performance. He was clean on his step sequences, attacked every jump, and didn’t fall once. And six points behind the skater from Japan that everyone considers Eddie’s biggest international rival, his biggest threat against his potential Olympic gold, would make most other people ecstatic.

He’s not most other people, though. This past week has reignited the fire in his belly and it’s burning brighter than it has in a while. The medal ceremony, the interviews, the gala, everything flashes by because all he can think about is getting back to work, changing transitions and tweaking spins until even the smallest gap between him and any other skater is erased. Until he knows his programs are undoubtedly gold medal worthy.

It’s refreshing — a relief — to be back in this headspace, being pushed forward by obstacles and less-than-perfection instead of dragged into spiraling sadness.

He almost loses it a couple of times, especially when he decides to take an innocent peek at Twitter to see what fans had to say about the Final, the words “overscored” and “inconsistent” swimming in front of him until they don’t mean anything anymore, just leave doubt lingering, trying to find the home in Buck’s brain that it had just vacated. In those moments, he goes back to his messages and rereads the live texts he’d gotten all weekend, and one in particular that makes his heart skip two beats every time he sees it: 

[from: Eddie] I think you make everyone fall a little bit in love with you every time you skate

Eddie sent it in the middle of his free skate, in the middle of dozens of other compliments and criticism of other skaters, and Buck’s sure he was half awake when he sent it, but it fills him with something he doesn’t quite have a name for. Something that makes all of the harsh words and doubts disappear, because none of those matter when Eddie is here telling him that he’s good, that he deserves all of his scores and praises. That he’s loved, no matter how often he may forget.

Another fire is burning in him, a little above the one in his gut, but it’s pushing him just as hard to prove his worth. 

~~~~~~~~~

There’s four weeks left until Nationals, and Eddie still isn’t better. 

Buck can tell he’s getting frustrated too — the tension in his shoulders gets tighter and tighter, the set of his mouth harder and harder each day he comes to the rink still wearing his air cast, only able to work in the gym and with Lena, far away from the ice and the excited chatter of preparing for the second half of the season. Buck tries to be there, a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen, but he also knows how Eddie operates — he’ll slap on a smile and say he’s fine until he’s really not, until he cracks from the inside out and finally explodes with everything he’s been holding in so he keeps up this air of perfection he’s made for himself. Buck used to think it was annoying, that perfect facade, but now he knows it’s more defensive than anything, Eddie just trying to protect himself from the world and maybe from himself.

Buck doesn’t take it personally anymore, and he’s going to do his damned best to be there to keep the cracks from spreading.

It’s after 10pm when he walks into the gym, still breathing heavily from practice, his muscles burning from overuse and the need to be stretched. He was certain he was alone, so he just about jumps out of his skin when he sees someone lying on the padded floor in front of the mirrors. When he gets closer, his blood runs cold for an entirely different reason.

It’s Eddie.

Buck’s first thought is to call for an ambulance, because why else would Eddie be lying on the floor if he hadn’t hurt himself again? But as he gets closer still, Buck thinks this might be intentional. He’s on his back, headphones on, eyes closed, rhythmically tapping his hands to whatever song he’s listening to on his stomach. As Buck's shadow passes over his face, he opens his eyes and blinks at him for a minute before giving a half-hearted smile and closing his eyes again. He looks sadder, somehow, than he has in the past weeks, dark circles under his eyes and none of the golden glow that seems to follow him wherever he goes (though that may be coming just from Buck’s own imagination anyway).

Buck’s not really sure what to do here, how to fix whatever it is that’s making Eddie feel so bad.

So he lays down right next to him and waits.

The headphones come off after 10 minutes, and Eddie doesn’t open his eyes for another five. When he does, he looks over to Buck, and rather than something supportive or sweet or literally anything else, he says the first dumb thing that comes to his head:

“Are we meditating?”

But he gets an actual smile out of it from Eddie, so he takes it as a win. 

Eddie scrubs his hands over his face. “Trying to, I think.” He turns onto his side, facing Buck, and Buck turns to mirror him. He can tell Eddie is searching for his words, the right phrasing to get his point across, and he’s willing to wait as long as he needs to for Eddie to share. 

Finally, he takes a long, steadying breath. “My doctor said I might not be able to skate until the end of January, which means I might miss Nats, which means I might not—” he gestures vaguely at that, like he expects Buck to know what his silence means. Buck knows exactly what he means, and it makes him ache for Eddie, makes him reach out and squeeze his wrist when his eyes start to shine, thumb tracing over his pulse point trying to soothe him. “I’ve worked my ass off for weeks now to get better, and it still might not be good enough.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says quietly. “I know it sucks. More than anything.”

Eddie goes quiet again, eyes drifting to where Buck is still holding his wrist. He pulls away for just a second before slotting their fingers together properly and gently squeezing. Like always, Buck marvels at how right it feels, to be holding Eddie’s hand.

“Did you know they’ve been saying I’m the favorite to win gold for three years now? Not to brag, but—” he says quickly, eyes wide. Buck chuckles because he knows — knows now — that Eddie doesn’t have an arrogant bone in his body. He squeezes his hand back and waits for him to keep going. “It’s all I can think about. Every time I fuck up a level or finish off podium, it just stays with me, makes me feel like I’m about to crash and burn and everyone is going to be disappointed in me because I’m not actually as good as they think.” Eddie’s trembling, squeezing his hand tighter to try and stop it. “Maybe they’re right. Maybe I tricked everyone into believing in me, and this stupid busted ankle is—”

“Hey, hey, no,” Buck says, pulling them up to sitting and cupping Eddie’s face in his hands as his tears threaten to spill over, slipping through the cracks. “You don’t deserve this, Eddie, no one deserves to be injured. Believe me, I know what it’s like to put all of your worth into this, and I still do it, but...you’re worth so much more than just your skating. To the fans, to the team. To me.” Eddie’s eyes drift away from his, trying to find an escape, but Buck holds firm until they drift back. “You are good. Not just a good skater, but a good person. You’ll always have that, gold medals or not. And if no one else believes in you, I do.”

Eddie stares at him, looking dumbstruck, and he’s quiet for so long that Buck worries he went too far, bared himself a little too much. He’s about to backtrack, save both of them whatever awkwardness might come, but Eddie surges forward before he can and kisses him so fiercely he swears the earth stands still.

He pushes away just as quickly, eyes wide in panic. “Shit, Buck, I’m sorry, I know we—” but Buck cuts him off, kissing him slow and deep, hands tangling into Eddie’s hair trying to pull him as close as possible. Eddie’s everywhere, his taste, his smell, his touch, and when he feels Eddie’s smile against his mouth, a smile that he put there, he feels like flying.

It finally clicks for Buck that he doesn’t have to — doesn’t want to — compartmentalize his life so much anymore. Skating and Eddie make him happier than pretty much anything. Why shouldn’t he have both?

They break apart slowly and rest their foreheads together. Buck ended up in Eddie’s lap at some point, and from here he can’t see anything but Eddie, gets lost in the curve of his cheekbones and the pout of his lips, and mentally smacks himself for thinking it was really better not having all of this. Eddie is in his corner, always, and he wants to be in Eddie’s too. Wants him to know he’s there, to remember even at his lowest points that he’s not alone, ever.

Eddie finally opens his eyes and smiles at Buck, soft but absolutely breathtaking. He squeezes his arms a little tighter around Buck’s waist, and Buck is more than happy to get as close as he can, would crawl into Eddie’s chest and stay there forever if he could.

“What are you thinking?” Eddie asks quietly.

Buck’s thinking a lot of things, or at least he was, but now that he’s focused on honey brown eyes so full of affection he could drown in them, his only real thought is Eddie Eddie Eddie.

“I think we’re stupid,” he says after a minute, and Eddie’s laugh echos around the empty gym.

“We’re stupid?”

“Okay, I’m stupid. But I think I want to fix that.”

“Oh really?”

“I think I want to be here for you, for everything.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“I think I want to remind you how amazing you are whenever I can.”

“Buck—”

“I think I want to convince you of how incredible you are whenever you stop believing it.”

Eddie’s eyes are shining again, but his smile could also put the sun to shame.

“And I think I really, really want to keep kissing you.”

Eddie shakes his head, smile getting bigger and somehow pulling Buck even closer. “I think we can make that happen,” he whispers. 

He kisses him again, and Buck is soaring.

[obvious-captain-rogers]

For Buddie First Kiss Week: Day One. Pride for me right now is going to be pushed back for another month, so I’m glad that I could write a little about our boys enjoying it!

Prompt: Related to Pride

           Buck had gone to Pride every year since he’d moved to L.A. His first year, he’d gone alone since he’d only just started at the 118 and wasn’t sure about being out at his job just yet, especially since everyone seemed pretty set in their opinion that Buck only chased after women for his hookups. Heteronormativity was a hell of a drug. After he’d tipsily come out during one of their infrequent team nights out after a shift, and once the time rolled around, Hen asked Buck if he wanted to come with her and Karen to Pride. Buck had felt a smile tugging at his cheeks and he’d agreed. They’d both acted a little bit like Buck’s older sisters- making him miss Maddie with a sharpness that he hadn’t felt since right after she’d left to move in with Doug- and they’d made a deal to go together every year. Which they had, Michael having joined them in the past couple years, and for Buck it was really good to have people there that he knew had his back.

           But this year was different.

           Hen was working so hard on studying for her MCATs that Buck knew it had most likely slipped her mind completely since she hadn’t brought it up. And he wasn’t upset. He was excited for Hen to be doing what she was so obviously perfect for. So, he hadn’t brought it up to her even though it was just a handful of days away.

           Buck was debating with himself if he should still go or if he should just ask Bobby for an extra shift that day- granted, some firefighters were on standby at Pride just in case there was an emergency so he could volunteer for that- when Eddie came into the locker room.

           “Hey,” Eddie said and moved to open up his locker so he could start changing into his uniform. Buck’s eyes flickered over Eddie like they sometimes- normally- did whenever the other was changing into his uniform. His neck felt hot and he turned his eyes back towards the inside of his locker.

           “Hey,” Buck responded and he knew that he sounded distracted.

           “Everything okay? You seemed to be in your head when I walked in,” Eddie said and leaned back against the lockers as he buttoned up his shirt, tilting his head a little to fish for Buck’s gaze.

           “Yeah. Just thinking about this weekend,” Buck said and finished tucking in his shirt.

           “Big plans?” Eddie asked with a teasing grin that had Buck rolling his eyes as he closed his locker.

           “Not exactly,” Buck said and sat down on the bench to tighten the laces of his boots.

           The grin faltered a little at Buck’s tone. “What’s going on, man?” Eddie asked and sat down next to Buck, their shoulders brushing as they always did when the two of them sat next to each other.

           “It’s… dumb,” Buck said and shrugged as he plucked at the string of his boot. Eddie’s slight frown only seemed to deepen and he knocked their knees together to prompt Buck to keep going. “Pride is this weekend and I usually go with Hen, but since she’s busy with her MCATs-” Buck shrugged.

           Eddie hummed and then he bumped against Buck’s side playfully. “Why don’t I come with you?” Eddie offered easily. Buck’s heart kicked up in his chest and he glanced over at Eddie with a raised eyebrow. Eddie had been fairly open with the team about his own bisexuality not long after Shannon’s death, but Eddie was overall a private guy. This would be- in Buck’s mind- a major concession to Eddie’s comfort.

           “You don’t have to, Eddie,” Buck said and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

           “I know,” Eddie said and stood up. “But I’m offering, Buck. If it means that much to you- and it obviously does- then I’ll go with you. Though, I’m telling you right now that I’m not putting on any hot pink shorts or body paint.” He narrowed his eyes at Buck jokingly, a grin breaking out across his face- making Buck marvel at how handsome Eddie was- as he tucked his hands into his pockets.

           “Well, damn,” Buck said with a joking grin. “There goes my plans for your outfit.” Eddie snorted as Buck stood and they made their way up to the loft to grab a cup of coffee before the start of shift.

…..

           Buck had spent the night before over at the Diaz house, Eddie insisting that it would just be easier on the both of them and that they could get ready together, and he could admit to feeling a funny sense of home when Christopher came into the spare bedroom and loudly scrambled up into bed to- accidentally- knee Buck in the stomach in the guise of waking him up. “Buck, Dad said you had to get up,” Christopher said before flopping across Buck’s chest.

           “I am up,” Buck said, though he sounded a little winded since Chris had some sharp knees, as he combed his fingers through Christopher’s hair.

           “No,” Christopher laughed a little and pressed his face against the side of Buck’s neck. “Up-up. Not just awake,” Christopher said and poked at Buck’s ribs. Buck snorted a little before nodding.

           “Oh, okay. Got it,” Buck said teasingly and he laughed when Christopher lifted his head to wrinkle his nose at Buck’s tone.

           “I sent you to get Buck out of bed, not pin him down in it,” Eddie said from the doorway and Buck turned his head to look at where Eddie was shaking his head fondly.

           “Buck can get up if he wants to. He’s pretty strong and I’m not that heavy,” Christopher pointed out and rolled his eyes a little at the two of them.

           “Let’s not test that theory. Come on, kid. You’ve still got to pack your stuff for your sleepover at Abuela’s,” Eddie said and gave Christopher a look. Christopher shuffled to the edge of the bed and Buck sat up, stretching his arms and his back before ruffling Chris’s hair and getting out of bed. Christopher laughed a little before he went about what Eddie had told him to do.

           Eddie crossed his arms over his chest and there was a small smile on his face as Buck moved to dig in his duffle bag that he’d brought with him. “I got you something. You don’t have to wear it today, but I figured if you didn’t have any other ideas- and before you ask, there’s no hot pink involved,” Buck teased before tossing Eddie the shirt once he’d found it. It was a white t-shirt with the L.A. skyline across the best in black with Los Angeles in blocky letters right under it. Across the back right over the shoulders was PRIDE in varied colors.

           “Alright,” Eddie said and settled the shirt over his shoulder like he did with the dishtowel whenever they were cleaning up after one of their game or movie nights. “Thanks, Buck.”

           Buck felt something warm settle in his stomach and he just nodded mutely.

           They all three had a quick breakfast of cereal and coffee- milk for Christopher- before going about getting dressed and ready for the day. Buck pulled his own L.A. pride t-shirt on before shimmying into his best pair of jeans. They were just on the right side of tight and they were pretty worn and comfortable. Buck cuffed his jeans before tying on his bandana to help keep himself cool and slipping on his socks and shoes. He looked at the face paint in his bathroom bag before blowing out a breath. Eddie wasn’t going to make fun of him, he had to keep reminding himself of that. He painted the bi flag onto his cheek, a grin pulling at his mouth and making it tough to make sure his lines weren’t all smudged. He tossed the little brush back into his bag after rinsing the paint off.

           He stepped out and Eddie was fastening his watch on in the hall as he wandered down towards where Buck had been getting ready. Buck’s mouth went a little dry. The shirt fit Eddie perfectly in all the best places and Buck’s heart thudded against his chest uncomfortably as he took the other in. “All set?” Eddie asked and lifted his head from his watch band. His eyes flickered over Buck and for a moment Buck thought he saw something hot burn in Eddie’s hazel eyes. But it was there and gone so quickly that it must have been wishful thinking on Buck’s part.

           “Yeah,” Buck said and gave Eddie an easy smile despite the way the nerves had settled into his stomach. He always felt like this a little bit whenever he went to a Pride event or something associated with his sexuality- it was leftover from his teenaged years of having to cram everything down. “Let’s go.”

           “Uh, wait,” Eddie said and touched Buck’s wrist. Buck felt a spike of worry that Eddie had changed his mind and that he didn’t want to do this with Buck anymore. “Could I- uh- I mean if you don’t mind…” Eddie pointed at his own cheek awkwardly before nodding in Buck’s direction. After a moment it clicked, Eddie wanted Buck to paint his face too.

           “Yeah, Eddie,” Buck said and slipped his hand into Eddie’s easily from where the other still had a gentle grip on his wrist. He tugged Eddie into the bathroom and had him lean back against the counter as he dug around for the brush and the face paints. Buck stepped into Eddie’s space, and held the other’s chin with one had as he focused on making sure that Eddie’s came out perfect.

           “What’re you doing?” Christopher asked and Buck turned to look over at where he was standing in the doorway with a curious tilt to his head.

           “I’m painting your dad’s face so me and him will match,” Buck said and pointed to the colors on his own cheek since he only had blue and was working on the purple on Eddie’s cheek.

           “What’s it mean?” Christopher asked and Buck looked to Eddie.

           “It means that Buck and I are bisexual,” Eddie said and held out his hand for Christopher without moving his head so Buck could keep going with the face paint. Christopher leaned into Eddie’s side. “The blue stands for liking the opposite gender, the pink- which Buck hasn’t got to yet- is for liking the same gender, and the purple is for both,” Eddie explained and Buck couldn’t help but smile a little.

           “Oh,” Christopher said, sounding like he was in thought. “Okay.” He shrugged and kept watching as Buck changed to pink and finished up with Eddie’s face. “I think it’s pretty, and Buck did a good job.”

           Eddie twisted so he could look and grinned a little, his eyes flicking over to Buck’s in the mirror. “He did.” Eddie turned around and patted Christopher’s back easily. “Alright, kid. Let’s get you to Abuela’s.”

           “Can’t Buck paint my face too?” Christopher asked with just a little bit of a whine in his voice.

           “How about I make you a deal?” Eddie offered and tapped his fingers against Christopher’s shoulder. “If you’re good for Abuela, and if Buck wants to, he can paint your face when we get back.”

           “Deal,” Christopher said with a bright smile.

           “Alright. Now go get your shoes while me and Buck finish up.” Eddie watched Christopher go and they lingered a little in each other’s space while Buck put his stuff away. “Thanks,” Eddie said quietly and rubbed at the corner of his eye with his thumb.

           “Any time, Eds,” Buck said and bumped their shoulders together before nodding. “Let’s go.” Eddie nodded and ducked his head, but not quick enough that Buck couldn’t catch a glimpse of one of Eddie’s rare bright smiles that resembled Christopher’s.

           They dropped Christopher off at Abuela’s- Buck staying in the car with a slightly uneasy feeling in his stomach. Eddie talked with Abuela for a moment, and then she was touching Eddie’s forehead, chest, and then either shoulder in quick succession before kissing him on his unpainted cheek. She glanced over at the truck, said something to Eddie with a look that Buck didn’t recognize, before she was raising her voice. “Evan, what are you still doing in Eddito’s truck?!” Buck stiffened a little but he hopped out of Eddie’s truck and made his way over to where Abuela and Eddie were standing. “¿Te ibas a ir sin saludarme? You know that I love seeing all of my boys.” Abuela gave him the same soft smile that she normally did on the times that Buck came and picked up Christopher from her house. It helped to ease some of the unease in his gut. “Ven aqui, mi amor.” Buck felt the tension bleed out of him as Abuela pulled him into a tight hug. She repeated the motions from earlier, murmuring softly in Spanish too quick and quiet for Buck to understand, before kissing Buck on the cheek as well. “Alright, now go have fun and be safe.”

           “We will,” Eddie said before throwing an arm around Buck’s shoulders easily and tugging Buck towards the truck. It wasn’t until they were driving again that it clicked for Buck: Abuela had blessed him. He had known that it was a pretty common occurrence for Abuela to do so when Eddie dropped Christopher off occasionally before he went to work, Eddie had teasingly laughed that she worried too much but Buck could tell how touched Eddie was that his grandmother cared so much. Buck quirked a little smile and felt a lump forming in his throat at the little gesture.

           When they were parked, Buck and Eddie hopped out of the truck with Eddie reaching into the back to grab a bag that he’d packed with things they might need: waters, sunscreen, and a small first aid kit just in case. Buck watched as Eddie swung in onto his shoulder and then gave Buck a small smile. Buck returned it as best he could with his nerves ratcheting up to an eleven.

           They walked around for a bit and Buck started to relax as they listened to the music that seemed to fill up the entire park. They stopped at a few booths here and there whenever it caught either of their interest- and they made sure to stop at the LAFD booth to see if there were any familiar faces, which there weren’t when they passed by- but it was mostly just them hanging out together as they walked.

           There was only a slight problem when they ran into a cluster of protestors like the ones from the call at the military funeral. Eddie went stiff as could be and Buck put a hand to the small of his back to try and steer him away before any of the idiotic people were stupid enough to say anything to him.

           “Assholes,” Eddie muttered under his breath as they went to find a place to sit for a bit after grabbing lunch from the food trucks. “They’re only here to try and start shit with people.”

           “I know,” Buck said and they found a patch of grass where they could stretch their legs out and just relax for a bit. “You should have been here the first time that someone started to start shit with Hen in earshot,” Buck said with a laugh as he unwrapped his sandwich and shook his head. “She got all up in this huge guy’s face and absolutely shredded apart everything they said about me and then when they tried to start in on her and Karen, I had to pull her away before she landed her ass in jail. Don’t think Athena would have appreciated a call from either of us.” Buck pulled a face at that before taking a bite of his sandwich. Athena had still been pretty skeptical of Buck at that point, but it had been nice to have Hen stick up for him when they hadn’t really known each other that well yet.

           Eddie snorted and broke out into an easy grin. “I would have paid money to see that. Maybe next year,” Eddie said and he dropped it so casually, but he gave Buck an almost shy look as he said it.

           Buck’s heart kicked up in his chest and he cracked a small smile. “That was real smooth there, Diaz,” Buck joked and he bumped Eddie’s ankle with his own.

           “Thank you, I really tried,” Eddie said and pressed their legs together easily. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then he closed it and looked away. Buck didn’t push. He knew that whatever it was, Eddie would tell him whenever he was ready to say. They finished up their lunches, put on some more sunscreen, and then walked around for a bit longer.

           They found where the music was coming from, an amphitheater with a rotation of performers, and hung out there for a bit. Buck didn’t really know how- and in all honesty, he didn’t really care how- but he ended up dancing around to the music with Eddie, and he leaned into Eddie’s chest easily as they both laughed breathlessly. There was a moment, a spark, and then Eddie was leaning in and kissing him softly. Buck was surprised but when he didn’t immediately kiss back, Eddie pulled away with an embarrassed grimace. “I’m sorry, Buck. I didn’t-” He made a noise as Buck leaned in to kiss him to fend off any apologies.

           Buck clung onto the front of Eddie’s shirt and Eddie’s hands pressed warmly into Buck’s waist as they kissed. It didn’t feel like a first kiss with how easily they fell into it, but Buck felt his stomach swoop anyways. Buck couldn’t help the huge grin on his face as he pulled away from Eddie, not really moving out of Eddie’s space. “Took you long enough,” Buck joked and Eddie let out a laugh, holding onto Buck’s waist just a little tighter.

           “Well, I was just looking for the right moment,” Eddie said back as he stroked his thumb over Buck’s waist.

           “I think you found it,” Buck said and ducked in for another quick peck because he couldn’t help himself and because he finally could.

[myemergence]

Now That I Know

A/N: Here’s my first submission for Buddie First Kiss Week @buddiefirstkissweek. Prompt: relating to Pride. You can read it over on AO3 here

Thanks to Nicole for the beta, and to Jessica for helping me with the title. 

** Buck loves living in L.A.

Experiencing Pride in L.A. sets his love of the city to a different spectrum. The bright colors of the LGBT flag bring a genuine smile. Colors that represent love, change, hope, growth, and acceptance. The Pride parade is a place where he doesn’t have to explain himself, a place where he doesn’t have to try so hard, a place where he can just be Buck, without consideration of his sexuality. 

Getting to experience his favorite event of the year with Eddie for the first time? Buck thinks he’s soaring.

Pride never stops. Pride never stops. Pride never stops.

The chant sends a warm feeling through his chest as Eddie walks at Buck’s side towards where they’re meeting the rest of the 118 family.

Eddie is sometimes a little rigid and serious, so the fact that he’s willing to step outside of his comfort zone to experience something this important to Buck hasn’t gone unrecognized. There’s a megawatt grin on Buck’s face, easily lighting up the currently rainbow clad streets. Buck’s gone all out, head to toe in bright colors that scream Pride. Because Buck is proud.

Buck grins, trying to read Eddie’s expression whose eyes scan over the crowds. He’s carefully taking in the parade— the brightly colored floats, the people dancing in the streets, the Pride Over Prejudice signs. “So, what do you think?”

“It’s…” Eddie trails off as he looks around them, quite possibly searching for the all-encompassing words to sum it up. Eddie continues to observe Pride and instead of looking at Buck, he drops his gaze to the ground. It’s only for a moment, and Eddie rubs a hand over the back of his neck with his eyes fixed on the ground. Eddie clears his throat before his eyes finally find Buck’s again, his voice is softer than usual,  “it’s incredible, Buck.”

“Oh, look! Here they are!” Buck bounces along, waving his flag as they join their friends. “Hen! Karen!” In an instant, Buck is swooping into their space and giving them hugs.

“Hey Cap, Athena.” Eddie nods with an easy smile. Chim and Maddie arrive only a few minutes later. Buck notices that they’re standing only about a dozen feet away from a large rainbow balloon arch.

“We need pictures to commemorate everyone coming today, instead of me being Hen and Karen’s third wheel for the second year in a row,” Buck laughs. Buck feels Eddie’s eyes on him and resists the urge to raise his brow at Eddie. “C’mon man.”

“Alright, let’s do this,” Eddie says after a minute, shoving his hands into the front pocket of the black hoodie that he’s wearing.

“Aren’t you sweating? It’s June and you’re wearing a hooded sweatshirt. A black hooded sweatshirt,” Buck says.

There’s a moment where Buck doesn’t think that Eddie’s going to respond. Then, “I’m fine.”

Buck barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. Under the rainbow balloon arch, Buck takes a selfie with Eddie, then Karen and Hen, Bobby and Athena, Maddie and Chimney. He realizes how lucky he is to have such accepting people in his life. That hadn’t always been the case for Buck.

“We were gonna go check some things out-” Bobby begins before being abruptly cut off.

“Wait, wait,” Buck shifts the bag that’s on his shoulder. “I almost forgot about these. I had shirts made for everyone.” Buck pulls out a stack of t-shirts from his bag. He motions to Hen and Karen who are wearing their own pride gear, “Well, except for Team Wilson over there.”

“Shirts, huh?” Chim asks as he slots his fingers with Maddie’s.

“Yeah, Ally shirts. I got everyone’s sizes from Cap, so they should all fit.” He passes the shirts out before finally tossing one to Eddie.

There’s an unreadable expression on Eddie’s face and he hesitates as he looks at the shirt in his hand before he speaks. “I’m not wearing an Ally shirt.”

Buck’s face falls immediately. “Eddie.” He isn’t sure what to say at first aside from the fact that he put a lot of effort into these shirts and the person that he wants to support him the most, isn’t. “Eddie, come on. Even Athena is wearing one.” 

Eddie looks at Buck, confused. “I’m not wearing an ally shirt, Buck. I’m-I’m not an ally.” Buck swallows hard. He’s not going to throw a tantrum in the middle of the Pride parade, he’s not. But what the fuck crawled up Eddie’s ass and burrowed in there before he came out here today?

“So, what? You decided to join us all at the Pride parade and instead of being supportive you’re gonna wear your black hoodie and just — be anti-Pride?”

“Buck, I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Bobby says.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’ve got this, Bobby.” 

He’s got this? 

Buck watches as Eddie grabs the edge of his hoodie before he moves to pull it over his head. He’s wearing a shirt with soft tones of pink, blue and purple. He’s never seen Eddie wear any of these colors before. If it’s not the colors on the shirt, then does being called an ally make Eddie uncomfortable? Why is he being so damn difficult wearing the shirt? “I’m not anti-pride, and I’m sure as hell not here to be unsupportive of you or anyone else for that matter. I’m just not-”

“You’re not what? If you’re here to be supportive, why won’t you just wear the shirt that I had made for you?” Buck’s brow knits together in confusion.

“Evan,” Maddie’s voice breaks through the noise, just enough that Buck can hear her. “Do the colors that Eddie’s wearing mean anything?”

“They’re the colors of the bi-flag, but it’s not like-” Buck starts and stops quickly, glancing at Maddie for a moment who seems to be nodding along, waiting for Buck to catch up. He turns to Eddie then, “You’re bi?”

“I thought that’s why you asked me to come with you in the first place.” Eddie laughs in disbelief.

“No, I asked you to come because this matters to me and you’re my best friend.”

This is too much. It’s all too much. How did he not see this? How had Buck just not noticed that the man that’s supposed to be his best friend isn’t straight?

“Oh,” Eddie whispers, nodding his head slightly. Buck registers the slight flush to Eddie’s cheeks, and the realization hits him. Being out, letting everyone see Eddie like this isn’t easy for him. But he’s stripped off his hoodie, revealing himself, making himself vulnerable to the crowds around him — to the people closest to him. He’s giving himself permission to just be Eddie, however different that definition might be from what people usually assume. 

Even Buck.

Buck glances around, noticing that Maddie has rejoined Chimney with the rest of the group. He turns his attention back to Eddie. There are words on the tip of his tongue, words that he should probably never say. And yet he finds himself opening his mouth, warring against every voice in his head that is screaming at him to proceed with caution. “Well, now that I know, I can ask you out on a date.” Buck tries to keep his voice even, tries to keep the doubt hidden down deep, tries to pretend that he’s not terrified of Eddie shooting him down.

Eddie simply hums, and Buck opens his mouth to start with the apologies. Eddie shakes his head, bringing his finger to Buck’s lips to silence him. “Now that I know you’re interested, I can kiss you.”

Buck stands there, blinks as his brain once again tries to catch up. Eddie steps into his space and all muscle memory seems to be forgotten. Buck has to remind himself to swallow before he begins to choke. He feels the brush of Eddie’s hand against his face, thumb moving along his jawline. Buck’s hand drops to Eddie’s hip and he angles himself closer, eyes closing as he feels Eddie’s breath hot against his face, sending goosebumps dancing across his skin.

He’s not sure what he expects when Eddie’s lips brush against his, but it’s not the tenderness that he gets. The light brush of lips sends a fluttering from his stomach that blossoms in his chest. Buck’s lost in the notes of mint and citrus that he tastes, and he’s sure that it’s his new favorite flavor. Buck’s fingers curl gently into the nape of Eddie’s neck, teasing against the gentle skin there. Buck slowly withdraws and the noises from the parade bring him back to the realness of the moment; the realization that this isn’t Buck just thinking about kissing Eddie.

His blue eyes search Eddie’s hazel ones, and Buck’s heart floats when he sees the upturn of Eddie’s lips. The noise around them seems louder than before, and that’s when Buck realizes it.

It’s their family, cheering and whooping in the middle of Pride. And Buck couldn’t be happier.

[memory-bees]

please never fall in love again

Ao3 Link Warnings: Implied underage drinking and referenced character death Pairing: Marcia/Sylvia because i’m gay A/N: Everyone is gay in The Outsiders universe fuck you Susan ----

Marcia had been in a tough spot before her. Randy had skipped town after Bobby died, but she knew why. Her Randy and Cherry’s Bob were always sweet on each other. No one could have imagined them apart. She just hoped he was okay, wherever he was. The world was too hard for a guy like him, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Randy and that awfully funny Two-Bit from the drive-in were similar. Similar thundercloud eyes and lightning bright smiles. Only Two-Bit definitely had less control over his tongue than Randy. They both were able to make her laugh until her sides hurt though, so she couldn’t complain. Real nice guy, Mathews. She had waited for a phone call that night everything went wrong, and went back to where they had split up, finding sprinkler wet ripped paper with her phone number on it. She had stared at it for a long while before popping a piece of bubble gum into her mouth and walking away.

She had gone to visit Bobby one day, nostalgia bringing her to the cemetery. She told him about his Cherry Cola and how she was doing, how she missed him. She blew a bubble and looked down the row to see an awfully pretty girl with her brown hair done up, staring at a grave. Her shoulders were uncovered and she looked chilly. Marcia frowned around her bubble and popped it before walking over to the girl.

She cleared her throat and the girl looked up, what must’ve been pretty makeup smearing down her cheeks with tears. Marcia smiled sympathetically and pulled off her cardigan, “You cold?” She asked, earning a slow nod and taking the pale yellow cover-up with a faint thank you and shrugging it on. She looked pretty in yellow, Marcia mused.

She glanced down at the grave, reading the name engraved in it, ‘Dallas Winston’. Oh. She hummed and looked back to the brunette, asking, “You were Winston’s girl?” Earning a shrug.

“I wouldn’t say I was ever his girl. We were too off and on for that.” She murmured, pulling the cardigan tight around herself, “And I don’t even know why I’m cryin’ over this bozo… Maybe it’s ‘cause he went out exactly how we all knew he was going to, just not with the circumstances we expected.”

Marcia quirked an eyebrow and earned a watery laugh from the girl, who gestured at the grave next to Dallas’, the tragic hero boy who took Bobby from the world. Johnny Cade.

“Johnny was his pet, shoulda known Dal’d choose him over me. Still don’t hurt any less though.” The pretty girl admitted, and when she looked up again Marcia saw the most perfect blue eyes to ever exist.

Marcia nodded and stood up straight. She blew a bubble and popped it before saying, “Why don’t you come to my place? I can get you all cleaned up and maybe we can talk more.”

The girl sniffed and said, “You look too good to be interactin’ with me, princess.”

Marcia just smiled and replied with, “And you look too sad to leave alone, sugar.”

On the way back to her house they talked and talked and talked and Marcia felt so blessedly smitten with the girl. But she wasn’t just the pretty girl anymore, she was Sylvia Miller who looked even better sitting on her bed with all her tear tracked makeup wiped off her face. But she wasn’t just pretty she was a total nerd about space and was talking about the stars and how she hopes one day humans will be able to go to the moon and how she thinks aliens are real and Marcia didn’t understand half of what she was saying but she was listening because she loved the sound of her voice.

Sylvia left with the yellow cardigan and Marcia faintly wondered if she’d see her wearing it.

When they met again Sylvia had presented her with a little Violet flower with a red face, and even though Marcia knew what it meant she just had to ask because she looked awfully good in red, even prettier than in the yellow of her cardigan.

They had ended up laying in Marcia’s bed again, Sylvia pressed against her side and resting her head on her shoulder. And just like a few days before they talked for hours and Marcia found out Sylvia’s favorite color was green and that her mouth tasted like cigarettes and something tangy and sweet that made her taste again and again just to figure out what exactly that taste was.

Sylvie had asked her one day, awfully quiet and shy if she wanted to go to this dive bar with the best drinks that made up for the awful country music playing too loudly and the faint smell of piss upstairs near one of the rentable rooms. And Marcia, against every lesson her very concerned and sometimes overprotective parents had taught her, she said yes. They left Marcia’s house at 5 pm and went to Sylvia’s house, which was wildly fun because they had to climb in threw the window and she got to see Sylvia’s little mutt of a dog that was so horribly ugly that it was adorable. She got to change into some of Sylvia’s clothes that were a little too small for her but it was okay because she got to see Sylvia get huffy when she called her short. When it came time for makeup the brunette did it exactly how she does hers and Marcia felt like a new girl.

When they got to the bar, Buck’s as she had been told, Marcia was amazed. Everyone was laughing and being loud and cursing and she loved it . She loved how smoothly her Sylvie melted into the crowd, laughing and cursing and roughhousing with some boys who looked like her just with different eyes. Brothers, maybe. She watched on in surprise as a guy with a scar starting at his temple and going to his chin wrapped around Sylvia from behind and lifted her, spinning until she was laughing and slapping at his arms. She came up behind Sylvia once she was back on the ground.

“God, it’s been a minute since I’ve seen you, Tim, where’ve you been?” Sylvia asked, and Tim just shrugged.

“I’ve been in the cooler, and someone wanted to go out and celebrate once I got out.” He replied and glanced over his shoulder at the bar. Marcia followed his gaze and her eyes landed on one of the Curtis boys, Darrel, she was fairly certain. He looked a little withdrawn but perked up when he saw Tim smiling at him.

Sylvia laughed and nodded, waving her farewell to the blue-eyed man and guided Marcia away and to the dance floor.

By the end of the night, their feet were throbbing and their heads pounded, but they were still laughing on the way back home. They looked around and realized it was beginning to grow lighter, and Marcia laughed a little loopily because had they really been out all night? After a few more minutes of walking, Sylvia turned and sat at the curb, staring at the sky.

Marcia quirked an eyebrow but sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her goose-bumped shoulders and watched with her. Sylvie yawned and rested her head against her arm and smiled as the purple-blue sky started to melt away into red and orange and pink and more colors Marcia’s exhausted and throbbing head couldn’t name. She was just happy to exist at the moment with her girl pressing against her side and the sunrise painting the sky for them. She let her eyes slip closed as she ran little circles into Sylvie’s skin and it was all so perfect.

“Marcie?” Sylvia asked, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. “Mhm?” Her girl shifted in her grip, “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Yeah?” Sylvia cleared her throat and murmured, “Will you please never fall in love with anyone else?”

Marcia opened her eyes to be met with big blue eyes and her heart melted a bit. She leaned in and pressed her lips against Sylvias and pulled back slowly. She smiled at her and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, “Never, sugar. Never again.”

[arsonforcharlie]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

[multiverseofmiracleshq]

Emma Frost attempted to throw herself a ( thirtieth ) twenty-seventh birthday party at Krakoa’s White Palace. The party was crashed first by Cable and the three time displaced X-Men he had taken hostage so he could find the young and a currently at large Scott and Jean. The second intrusion was the aforementioned young X-Men and a surprise appearance by Doctor Strange, who claimed to have a solution that would involve no one permanently dying or being sent away. Time was not their friend, however, and there  was only one chance to be had.

THIS IS THE OFFICIAL COMPLETE CHAT LOG COVERAGE OF THE IC

EMMA: Who didn’t love a party? There were some people out there ( those dreadful souls ) but they were irrelevant. It was easier to ask who did love parties, and there was only one relevant answer: Emma Frost. A privileged state of existence had made her privy to many of them but too often they slipped into the void of boredom and disinterest. If you wanted to throw a party you had to throw a good one, and Emma had done just that on all accounts. The White Palace was always primed for people, an alabaster tomb awaiting guests. Diamonds were shipped in, table cloths were spread and every hair on each servers head had been smoothed to perfection. Per instruction a rather large white chair ( a throne, if you wanted to be technical ) had been placed on the dais at the front of the ballroom. A full thirty minutes before guest were allowed in she had taken to it so that every layer of white silk could be arranged just so. Once everyone of note had filtered in Emma waved off whoever she had been speaking to with one gloved hand before rising. The half hour in the chair did its job - she noted mentally - as the dress moved along with her exactly as the designer had promised. “I’m thrilled to see you all here.” Accented syllables cut over the crowd. “Even if it’s six days late. That doesn’t matter. What does is that we are all here and looking divine. There may be conflict in our world, but please, try to enjoy yourselves. It’s a party.” A party for a year she was not turning for the third time. White painted lips covered fangs, claws put away for the night. “Run wild, darlings.”

MESMERO: He sat quietly and on his own, martini in one hand and fingers tapping in the other. He and Emma weren't what one would call friends but nevertheless he was here. This was more out of desperation than anything. He was bored. He desired to do something, to sew chaos, to see a little action but he fought against such villainous urges and drowned his ambitions in alcohol and false friends. "Well isn't this a lovely twenty-seventh birthday party?" he said with air quotes around Emma's supposed age to no one in particular.

SCOTT: Memory problems had been the beginning, what followed had proven to be a whole lot worse. The delirium, the dissociation from himself; Scott was even losing what little control he had over his abilities --- forgetting to put his glasses back on, not knowing even when they were on. It was a surprise to himself that he even attended this bash, that he'd left Jean in her state. But apparently, there was news, something in the pipeline that could help. If he were being honest, he couldn't really distinguish if that were a dream or not, but regardless he couldn't just sit around. Jean was down for now and to keep his mind distracted, he just couldn't miss Emma's party. Hopefully there was a solution. Hopefully Nate found the original X-men.

ERIK: Erik wasn’t one to ‘run wild’ as it were, per Emma’s advice. Not at parties at least.But it was nice to have an excuse to dress up in a nice suit every once in a while. He acquired a drink and kept quiet as the party began, glancing around the room and observing the crowd as the volume slowly increased. Per usual, his white suit made an appearance tonight. It was paired with a bright purple tie and a pocket square to match, and the color stood out well. Wearing this outfit around Emma made him smirk-- an expression that he hid while taking a sip of his drink.

IDIE: Idie had been one of the first to arrive. Being late was something Idie did not enjoy -- being late gave her anxiety, which often led to her getting sweaty, which was something she did not need in a white dress. She was fond of the dress she had found; it was an ivory white dress, which cut off just below her knees. It had a plunged neckline, and a black waistband which was embroidered with sequins. The skirt of the dress was a mixture of delicate tulle and silk, and flowed as Idie walked. It made Idie feel like a fairy -- she hadn't felt this dressed up in a long time. Her hair was braided and twisted up into a neat bun that sat on top of her head. She looked around the ballroom, eyes glancing over familiar faces. She wasn't sure why she was invited. It felt strange to be at such a place. Making her way through the room, a waiter passed and offered her a drink, which she accepted. She clutched the flute in her hand, eagerly looking around for someone she was more acquainted with.

LORNA: Emma Frost, as a rule of thumb, sucked. She sucked and Lorna knew for a fact she was like thirty but who was she to rain on a parade? No one, this time. “It looks like it should be themed winter wonderland.” Lorna scoffed in response to whoever had spoken. With all the diamonds it was a bit extra but again, she wasn’t raining on parades. Turning then to look at how actually had spoken, heavily lined eyes narrowed at Mesmero. “Out of all the places I expected you to be, here wasn’t one of them.”

MESMERO: “Seems a little too innocent for Her royal highness." He said returning a glance with who turned out to be Lorna. He wasn't eager to be in her vicinity. "I could say the same to you. You hardly strike me as a fan of all of this excess." He said before sipping his beverage.

LORNA: “I’m a fan of free booze.” She gestured with her glass. “And we all know something’s going to go wrong.”

MESMERO: "For once we can agree on something." He replied with a faint smirk. "Only reason I bothered showing up was in the hopes of seeing something go wrong if we're being honest."

CABLE: There was a party happening tonight-- that’s what everyone was getting together for, right? Nathan had only been to a handful of parties and they had all been.. fairly interesting. He wasn’t quite sure if he liked them yet, and tonight wouldn’t help him make up his mind. There was no time for fun tonight. It was time to end this, and he didn’t care what anyone else had to say about it. Nate had three of them already, this was good. After securing them, Nate had taken them all to his safehouse and began scratching things off his checklist. At the top of the list was getting Warren his real wings back, and that wasn’t pretty. Truthfully, he felt a bit bad about what he had to do. Grafting new wings onto the other mutant was a painful process, one that left Warren weak and barely conscious even after the drugs had worn off. Nate grabbed him and dragged him over to join Bobby and Hank, who were both handcuffed just like Warren. The other two were almost fully awake now, and it was time to go. “Ready to take a trip?” It wasn’t a question he was going to wait for them to answer. He linked the three of them together, the device coming to life with a hum and blue energy radiating off of them. Then he grabbed onto them, pulled the hood of his cloak over his head, and one of the gadgets on his arm teleported them away. Seconds later, they appeared in the middle of Emma’s party. A blue light preceded their arrival and then the four of them were surrounded by dressed up mutants who were suddenly face to face with them. “Hey guys.” Nate spoke up, his voice carrying through the room. “Anyone wanna tell me where I can find Jean and Scott? Oh, and who wants to watch these three for me? I’d owe you one.”

EMMA: Oh, for the love of -- “Nathan.” Emma’s voice was carefully confined, ice cold anger slick under pleasantries. “I was very clear about the terms of your invitation, and I believe this exceeds them.”

MESMERO: "That didn't take long." Mesmero muttered to Lorna.

LORNA: Green eyes flashed in interest. “Erik owes me five bucks.”

LAURA: Living on edge was something that Laura was used to but didn’t like. Her instincts had told her to come to Emma’s excessive party and it looked like they had paid off. Logan hadn’t attended for a more pressing reason and out of respect for her friend Scott she had kept an eye on his older self. The second the blue light faded away and her vision returned, one fistful of claws popped out at the sight of the young X-Men. “What did you do to them?”

SCOTT: Once he'd started rejecting the alcohol and refused to mingle, he started to question why he even bothered showing up. A part of him wanted to speak with Emma, but as she was the center of this party, he didn't want to get in the way of her spotlight. A few of the other X-men were here, but he wasn't too concerned with sharing their present dilemmas. Just as he was debating his departure, a bright light illuminated the center of the room and lo and behold, Nathan. "You found them." He said, his voice too quiet to carry. But no, two were missing, and of the course the two missing were --- "Emma," he said her name as he came up behind her. "Do you know what this means?" They had to stay hands off for most of the hunt, mostly because when their presence bounced off one another, it started creating ripples that reflected just how narrow their time was. Nathan had to handle it, and for the most part, he had.

CABLE: Nathan offered Emma an eye roll and nothing else, then turned to Laura. “You can put the claws away. They’re fine.” His normal sarcastic tone was lost for a moment, being replaced by a stern and somewhat caring one. “Like I said before, Warren needed his wings back. So.. he’s a little tired. But they’re all fine. It’s easier to transport them when they’re knocked out, that’s all. Make sense?”

EMMA: One did not scream at their own birthday party, otherwise Emma would have done just that. A full blown shriek because of course they had to have this little drama on the one night she had ( openly ) claimed as her own. “Yes, darling.” One hand gently fell to rest on Scott’s arm. She loved him differently than she once had, but seeing a proud man suffer was never pleasant. Here she was throwing a party while one mutant hung close to death and four others followed closely behind. “If we knew where Scott and Jean were, we wouldn’t be in this predicament, would we?” The blonde hummed. “See, the two you haven’t caught may very well be the hardest due to sheer hormones and willpower.” Scott and Jean: an obnoxious set of lovebirds. “I can tell you, Nathan, you’re out of time. Your father is here and your mother isn’t, so you need to do more or they’ll both be gone.” Scott may have been happy at the sight of three but Emma was malcontent. Lips twisted into a sneer then as she cast a disinterested look towards Laura. “The boy is right. You can stand down, guard dog.”

IDIE: Idie had long finished her first drink, and was now onto her second one. The peach flavoured drink had left her feeling a little spacey, but the sweetness she had very much enjoyed. Taking sip from the flute, Idie's attention was suddenly caught by the mesmerising blue light. Edging closer to see what the commotion was, her eyes widened in horror when she saw the state the three young X-Men were in. She could feel her body tingle with adrenaline, and she fought to calm herself before she did anything drastic. She watched Cable speak, her eyes locked on Warren, Bobby, and Hank. It felt as if her heart was beating in her throat. She watched Emma as she spoke with a calm dignity. "Don't call Laura a guard dog," Idie said -- a little too loudly. There had been a roughness to Idie's voice as she had spoken, her eyes fixated on Emma.

CABLE: The softer tone Nate had just used fell away instantly as his gaze flicked back to Emma. His jaw tensed, and the bright glow from his bionic eye flashed for a brief moment. The two he had left to catch were his parents. If anyone understood how stubborn they were, it was him. “Yeah. I get that. I’m here because I need help-- something I don’t like asking for.” He saw Scott next to Emma, and his resolve hardened even further. “Sorry about your party, but this is a little more important.”

LAURA: She hadn’t expected anyone to speak up for her, and while her initial look at Idie was cynical the mutant softened to give her a small nod. Her claws slowly slid away until all that was left was a closed fist. Her eyes moved then to lock on the young X-Men. If they showed they were in pain she’d cut them out.

EMMA: “Well, I don’t know about that.” Emma muttered under her breath before rolling her shoulders back to look at Nate. “Fine. I’ll try Cerebro, but we already did that. Your small mother is masking their minds, or using someone else. Unfortunately, darling, I had to put your normal sized mother down this morning and Charles is away on diplomacy so we’re rather low on aid. Hank, Warren,” Emma looked to the older versions of the chained X-Men. “Care to assist carting your younger selves to a holding cell?”

STRANGE: The plea to save the original X-men from predestined fates had proven to give him pause, but Strange had originally wanted to turn them down. As the Sorcerer Supreme, his duties were laundry list long, and included on that list was allowing for fates to play themselves out. If the original X-men were predetermined to follow a specific path, he was not the one to write them a new one. However, that had been before he'd been made aware of the Krakoan resurrection pods, and before he'd decided that he would sever a group of young kids from their present realities once again. With the two remaining original X-men and Gwendolyne Poole, Strange created a wide portal, triangulating the position based on Scott's tether to his elder self. Stepping through, they appeared amongst many. Obviously a party. "Sorry to interrupt." He spoke loudly, although the room was already fairly quiet. "But it appears you may be looking for these two."

TIME-DISPLACED JEAN: “Are we late to the party?” Jean couldn’t help but use false confidence to cover shaking hands. She had nothing but time during the hiding portion of their fugitive days and that time had led to practice and refining control. Her head turned to her captured teammates and there was a brief flash of pink before their cuffs clattered to the ground. “We’re not going back, but he,” that was directed at Strange. “--he won’t let you guys die either.”

CABLE: ”What the--” Alright, so this wasn’t exactly part of the plan Nate had put together in his head. The flash of pink caught his eye and when he saw that his capture X-Men had been set free, a sudden rush of anxiety and anger hit him. ”Hey!” Warren wasn’t exactly in a place to run-- or fly-- away, but the other two were awake enough to flee if they wanted. “What the hell is going on?”

GWENPOOL: This was a par-tay. Super over the top with some we’re richer than god kinda vibes, but still nice. Gwen had taken a stroll when Jean had started talking, momentarily distracted by a scantily clad server in white to grab a lil’ dish of caviar or whatever they were serving. She had just gotten her hands on it and back to the group she had so stylishly arrived with when the angry murder Cable started talking. Really, she was more familiar with the sexy Josh Brolin was but she was willing to ride this plot out. Grabbing her mask and yanking it off her head so that pink and blonde hair hung wildly around her face, she waited for Cable to finish having his temper tantrum. “This guy is what the hell is going on.” She jutted a thumb towards Strange. “For those new to this shindig, this my very good pal Doctor Stephen Strange,” a slight exaggeration, “And he helped me out a few years ago when I was having a tiny little reality problem. As in, he severed my ties to my reality and got me a sweet permanent existence here. When Kid Asshole ( that was Kid Omega ) mentioned what was going down I thought to myself: geez, gwen, what a great time to help the children. So, here we are! I connected ya babes with my dude and he can help them live here as their own people.”

IDIE: Idie noticed the nod from Laura, and shot her a soft smile back. Finishing off her drink, Idie starred at the newcomer, but it was Gwendolyn who caught her eye. Eyes flickered to the young Jean who had just spoke, and then in a flash the young X-Men were free. Idie felt as if everything was moving fast, and she was going in slow motion. "You were going to kill them?" Idie almost shouted. A mixture of disgust and anger swirled through her body. She walked slowly away from the crowd, and went and stood by Gwendolyne. She could feel her body shaking. What had been in her drinks?

LAURA: There were a lot of heartbeats escalating in the room. The weird one who spoke too fast was - surprise surprise - speaking too fast and everyone was paying attention to her so Laura stalked to the other side of the room where Idie was. They weren’t friends. They knew of each other than anything else, but Laura could smell the booze and she seemed scared. “You’re drunk and you need water.” Her voice was low. The servers were still there so she signaled for one to bring over a glass. “I need to go check on them. You can come if you stay calm.” A sloppy ( probably first time ) drunk  was the last thing she needed but Laura didn’t want her freaked out. Moving over to the stirring X-Men, one boot clad foot kicked away a set of the restraints. “Hey,” she crouched down in front of Warren and Hank. “Are you guys okay?”

TIME-DISPLACED HANK: Hank shook his head quickly feeling the effects of the drugs wearing off as the the migraine set in. "Ordinarily if I were put in this situation the answer would be a resounding no, however, all things considered, I'm peachy." Hank said with some strain as his vision began to finally focus in on all that was going on around them.

STRANGE: Strange passed a glance to Gwen, watching as she gave a very colorful rendition of their plan. Regardless of the circumstances, this was not something he wanted to spur into a habit, so to find himself in a similar position as he had been in before was making him want to cut her off and get to the point faster. However, he remained quiet until she was finished, where he could tack on some points. "Severing them from their reality would wipe the present X-men from existence, which is where Krakoa comes in. I'm told mutants are now able to resurrect infinitely. We will have to have a talk about how that damages the fabric of reality at a different time, but we can use the pods to our advantage. In essence, the original X-men will die." As he scanned the room, he could tell they were running out of time. With the original X-men within walking distance of their present selves, it seemed to have been almost accelerating the symptoms. "You," he directed his words at Nathan Summers. "Will have to allow the original X-men to be transported in my care, along with these two." he indicated the two X-men he had standing with him. "And we should do it now."

TIME-DISPLACED WARREN: It was all a haze. Warren had felt them teleport but even after Jean had released them, he had barely moved. It was almost impossible to get his eyes to focus correctly, and all the voices around him were muddled and foggy. He knew they were arguing about them, but that was easy to figure out. Laura’s voice managed to break through, but he kept his hands pressed over his face, covering his eyes. His wings hung limply at his sides and spread oddly around him across the floor. They ached, almost burned-- more than they ever had even when they had been made of fire and metal. Every inch his arms moved, his shoulders cried out in protest. Luckily, the muscles on his back were almost numb. “I’m.. I don’t know.” Warren finally managed to answer. His voice was groggy and rough, but it was there. “I have feathers again, don’t I? I’m not imagining that part?”

IDIE: Idie stared at Laura. "I'm drunk?" She took the water from Laura and started drinking it. "I only had the fizzy peach drink..." Her voice trailed off and she stared down at the glass. "Did that have alcohol in?" She followed Laura as she tried to wrap her head around this new found information. Kneeling down beside Laura, she looked at Warren, her eyes wide. "Yes, Warren." Idie's voice was soft, but it trembled slightly as she spoke. "You have feathered wings again. Try not to move, okay? We'll get you out of here." She was unsure of how they would get the young X-Men out, and unsure of the plan Gwendolyne had explained would work. Taking a breath, she tried to calm her nerves, and took a large sip of her water.

LAURA: “You’re drunk.” Laura repeated bluntly. “There was alcohol in there. I smell it.” From her position on bended knee Laura gave Hank a tight smile. “You look peachy.” The words were supposed to be gentle enough to be slightly teasing. Offering an arm, she rose slowly to help him stand if he needed it before crouching again before Warren. One hand hesitantly reached out to brush one of the white feathers, the soft down confirming they were real. “It seems that you do. I’m assuming Cable followed through on what he promised.” She echoed after Idie. Her mind was numb at times to torture. She had been through enough herself to be desensitized, but here she was forcing her mind to go into the painful places of empathy. She shook her head when the other mutant spoke again. “No, they want you two moved, and I’d rather help you than have Cable drag you along. Can you stand?”

CABLE: Nate reacted to the finger being pointed at him by instinctively moving in front of the three younger X-Men he had managed to get hold of. Their plan sounded insane. Everyone had been shocked, practically appalled, at his ideas when he first brought them up. But this? This was really the solution they wanted instead? “You do realize that if we kill them, even for just a few minutes, that will result in their older selves being wiped from existence. You realize that, right?” It sounded so obvious to him. Why it didn’t to everyone else, he couldn’t imagine. “Severing them from their existence sounds great in theory but pulling it off is a whole other thing completely! My plan leaves everyone alive.”

EMMA: “Our darling resident hothead brings up a good point.” Emma hummed in a begrudging agreeance. He was far too much like his father for her liking. “The X-Men are clearly barely  hanging on. Scott, Hank, Bobby and Warren can testify for this personally. Jean isn’t here at all, and the second any of you die we run the risk of losing them all and that unborn child. Jean,” Emma glanced to the shorter redhead and moved towards her. “You need to do this for yourself.” For a moment her eyes went white as Jean’s went pink, two telepaths talking among themselves. “No,” Emma broke away with a shake of her head. “Whatever you’re planning is too dangerous. Cable will escort you to the past and I will personally wipe your minds since you are unwilling.”

STRANGE: As if he hadn't analyzed every possible outcome already. Hadn't anyone paid attention before? Exhaling, Strange rubbed his brow. "As we are running out of time, young Summers, I did not believe I would have to explain every facet of the plan, but that is already taken care of too. I would not be here if this wasn't going to work. I do not waste my time with bad outcomes."

TIME-DISPLACED JEAN: “You’re wrong, Emma.” Jean shook her head firmly. “It’s going to work. Doctor Strange is going to put you guys in stasis temporarily. We die and then they regrow us in the Hatchery. Two of us. That way we can stay and one set can go back where I’ll be the one to wipe the memories. No fighting it. You know the Five can do it quickly, and Strange will help Tempus with the time part. You have to at least give us a chance.”

TIME-DISPLACED WARREN: ”That asshole.” Warren muttered under his breath, both angry and in pain. It had been a strange journey for him throughout their entire time here. At first, Warren had wanted nothing else except to go home to their correct time. He hated it here. He hated what he saw himself become. Despite it all, he had fought hard to find a place here and make sure history wouldn’t repeat itself. And now, all of that had been taken away from him. He was left with limp wings and a head full of pain and confusion. “My legs might work, but my wings? Not so much.” A half-hearted laugh escaped him as he attempted to move and stand up. He was still pretty weak. A couple blinks later, and his vision was at least improving. But the best he could do was sit on his knees, letting his arms and wings hang limply against him. “Where exactly are we going?”

SCOTT: "And what if it doesn't work?" he knew even posing the question to Strange would get him a look, but it needed to be asked. "I don't think we have enough time for this to go south. This isn't something I want to take a chance on."

TIME-DISPLACED SCOTT: "I'm willing to take that risk." he spoke up. "It is my future after all."

IDIE: Idie nodded, taking in what Laura had said. Her heart felt heavy as she watched Warren attempt to move. Reaching out, she placed her hand softly on his arm. "I don't know, but they have a plan." She could hear the two Scott's talking, and did her best to drown their voices out. "Let us help you stand, Warren. We won't let go of you, okay?" She looked at him, her eyes wide. Her vision felt slightly blurred, but she did her best to power through it. "I promise."

EMMA: “Then your wife and unborn child die.” Emma turned to look at Scott. “As do you and your friends. Why is this a debate? Fine,” there was a sigh of frustration. “The Council voted, but now let the five of you do the same since you’re ruined my party. Do you want to indulge this fantasy and risk death or send them back?”

CABLE: ”Two of you?” This plan sounded more and more ridiculous as it was explained to him. “That’s---” Slowly, his expression shifted from one of horror and surprise, to one of understanding. It was coming together, even as his father protested like he had been doing moments before. “---that could actually work.” He took a glance at the X-Men behind him, and then back to Strange. His anxiety pooled in his gut, One thing he hated was deviating from a plan once he had settled on it, but it was dawning on him that maybe he couldn’t win this fight. But he wasn’t fully convinced yet. This was an outcome he hadn’t predicted, which would create a timeline he had no insight into. That’s what scared him. “This is crazy.”

WARREN: “What the hell, let’s just go for it.” The older Warren made himself be heard. His mind was muddled but he was present enough to hear everything that had been said so far. “This is already a mess. We need to stop fighting and do something about it.”

BOBBY: He had been staying silent so far, but Bobby nodded when Warren spoke. “Okay -- cool. But that has to be it. We can’t take any more risks after this.”

HANK:  Hank offered his younger self a small smile before shutting his yellow eyes tightly do to the pain of just being near his younger self. "I suppose it is my turn to speak then, yes?" He said clearing his voice. "While I am entirely sympathetic to the struggles and tribulations of my younger self, it is with a most heavy heart that I must decline this proposition. While I am comfortable risking my own life for your sake." He said giving a look genuine sympathy to the time displaced five. "I cannot in good consciousness risk the loss of Jean's child when she is not here to speak her mind."

SCOTT: He looked incredulously between Warren and Bobby. "You're willing to risk your lives, Jean's child, for what -- a maybe? Sending them back has a 100% success rate, you can't actually be considering this. It's a no, two to two. We'd need Jean to break it and I have a feeling she's not going to take the risk."

EMMA: This was really a dreadful night and Emma hated playing the referee. Stripes were never a good look. “Then I suppose Scott is right. I can pull her back to conscious, but at the sake of repeating myself yet again: time is precious. Everyone relevant, feel free follow to the Hatchery. Someone call the Five. The rest of you are free to drink my very expensive champagne and then disperse.” With that Emma turned on one heel to gather the necessary people, a telepathic message being placed to Charles.

MESMERO: "Well this was more dramatic than anticipated." He said placing his empty cocktail down. "Waiter. Some of that expensive champagne out hostess was talking about. Thank you."

LAURA: With a body rigid and at attention, Laura listened to them debate before Emma left. She was still crouched down and her legs were numb but her attention turned to Warren. “Seems like you have a chance. If that’s what you still want.” The future had cut off his wings and tried to get rid of him. She wouldn’t blame him for wanting to go back. Nothing here seemed worth it. “Good things we only need your legs then.” Maneuvering carefully to avoid the trailing feathers she helped him stand and took the majority of his weight before waiting to move.

STRANGE: With a swirl of his hands, Strange opened another portal, leading those Emma deemed as relevant to the Hatchery, where the pods were kept. As they emerged, Strange took a moment to look around, the images of his mind probability finally aligning. He'd wondered what this place looked like and how exactly the mutants were managing it.

IDIE: Idie helped Laura get Warren to his feet, being as careful as she could in her current state. Idie looked at the portal Doctor Strange had opened, and then up at Warren. "Do you want one of us to help you through?" She asked quietly.

LOGAN: Everything had been quiet. It was nice, in a way. But in another sense, it was much too stifling. Logan chose to stay with Jean, even though there was nothing he could do. And then the quiet was interrupted by a portal, causing him to jump to his feet-- hands fisted together and at the ready. The group of people he was met with surprised him, and he allowed himself to relax. But only a little. “--what the hell is going on here?”

LAURA: She had known he had been in here. When he jumped up Laura stepped forward slightly even though it was a heavy step weighted down with the additional body mass of Warren. “They’re waking her up.” Her voice was quiet for the sake of her father. “And Emma is calling the Five. They may want the kids to stay here.”

LOGAN: “Waking her up?” Logan’s eyes narrowed, even though Laura was doing her best to keep him calm. “That’s a horrible idea. They can’t do that.”

EMMA: The only indication of a greeting that Emma gave Logan was a brief sniff as she entered the Hatchery. Surrounded by the large golden pods and the life that was in the process of blooming she took a second to reflect on how idiotic it all was. “The Five will be here shortly. They were at the Sextant Habitat and Illyana will be teleporting them in. This is Jeannie’s life at risk, Logan, so yes. We will be waking her up.” Moving around him, Emma made her way to where Jean was lying just as prone as she had left her. Bending down she pressed their foreheads together, fingers resting gently on the redheads temple as the telepathic connection was reestablished. The plan had been to keep her in the Healing Gardens but this had been a last minute change as an extra precaution. They said to make more mutants but had been slow to do follow through, so life had to be protected. After a few moments Emma pulled away and took a step back, body turning so no one saw her catch her breath. It wouldn’t be an issue. Eyes were likely to be trained on the telepath people preferred to stare at unless Emma had her tits out or was being decidedly more useful.

SCOTT: As Jean came to, Scott rested beside her, his first instinct to grab her hand but the situation, on top of other trivial problems, kept him from doing so. "Hey, welcome back." Despite the distance between them, his voice was soft. Speaking as quickly as he could without overwhelming her, Scott tried his best to explain the situation, doing what he could to remember the details. He managed to get all the important parts though, like how the original X-men were willing to put everything on the line for a possibility. "We don't have a lot of time. You have to decide now."

JEAN: For the first time in years, it had been quiet. Jean knew that was something that Emma had done for her, a gift for the woman who been unable to find unrest even in death. The only hum came from something she couldn’t quite place, something that she now knew to be the baby. Had her mind made that connection it would have fought and what she needed was rest. Then, Emma was back. There was almost a whisper of an apology left in her head and then people filled her vision and Scott was talking to her. Purposefully not touching her. The ache of sadness cut through the confusion as Jean shifted her legs to hang them off the cot. “That’s... a lot.” She had to clear her throat. There were a lot of questions, including what day is it? but that could be figured out later. “Putting me back to sleep my not be enough long term. That may have been our only chance at that angle.” Her mind was already filling too quickly. “So now, I’m awake. I don’t want to lose this baby. I can’t think of anything worse. But if you think you can do this, Stephen,” her eyes found the sorcerer. “You have one very quick chance.”

LOGAN: “Okay, wait just a second here--” Logan let Jean speak her mind, but it didn’t feel right. “Doesn’t any of this sound too messy to you guys? What if it doesn’t work?”

EMMA: “Everything’s messy with you lot.” There was a reason she preferred the immaculate nature of the White Palace. “If it doesn’t work we either send the children back or their older selves die. Whichever occurs first.”

ILLYANA: There was an intense glow as a portal open and six forms emerged. Illyana stood off to the side as the Five arrived: Tempus, Hope, Proteus, Elixir and Egg. They began readying themselves for a resurrection and preparing as the Captain nodded towards Emma. “They will be ready by the time you are done.”

SCOTT: He moved from where he'd been at Jean's side, standing off a bit with his arms folded across his chest. This was no longer his decision, no matter how ridiculous of a decision it was.

STRANGE: "We will have to begin by putting the present X-men in stasis so they remain unaffected by the...resurrection process." he stated his words as if he were giving the X-men are more time to choose, but he was already moving his hands, conjuring up a mystical energy that reflected as a glow around the present X-men. As he closed his fists, the glow around his hands dissipated but remained around the mutants. Then, suddenly, like a snap of fingers, the mutants were encased in an energy pod, similar to the ones the past X-men would be going in to fairly soon. And a few moments later, their time in this world was frozen in place, a stasis completed. "Now, for the fun part."

LAURA: Fun part. Laura had killed too may people for it to be fun. It was the last thing she wanted to do, the person she wanted to no longer be. Murder had been associated with her name for far too long, but when Emma’s message appeared in her mind she slowly stepped away from Warren and left a claw slide out. The younger X-Men had authorized this. It was approved. She was still nauseous as she made her way to Bobby and moved so swiftly he wouldn’t have seen it coming, one claw to the jugular so that he was dead before he hit the floor. Blood dripped from the claw before she wiped it on the white of her pants she had been required to wear to Emma’s party. They didn’t have a label, but she was still sad as she looked up at Warren. “No matter how this ends,” her voice was quiet in his ear as she rose up on her toes. “I’m glad I got to meet you.” Her lips found his then, one hand rising up so that her claw could move in a practiced arc. Pulling away, she eased the body down to the floor to rest on the stone and feathers. She knew death. They weren’t there anymore, but it was still sad all the same. Done with her task Laura nodded once to Emma.

CABLE: “I.. don’t like this.” That was an understatement. But what else could he say? As Nate primed his gun and hesitantly took aim at the younger version of his father, it felt incredibly wrong. For a split second, he debated breaking away and getting to them before anyone had a chance to do any harm. Maybe he could still slide them back in time, to go forward with the original plan and save them from killing anyone. But he didn’t. He took a sharp breath in and his elbow bent back, his gun raised and he was ready to shoot. Then he pulled the trigger, and Scott was down right along side Bobby and Warren. Nathan was good at making himself feel numb, and right now he needed to choose it more than ever.

HANK: Hank hesitated for a moment, having his eyes shut not wanting to look at the corpses of his fallen comrades. He thought back on how to end this as painlessly as possible. Thought back to the Goblin Queen and what she had taught him. With a muttering he used a spell he never imagined using. One instant he was standing the next he was on the floor, blood streaming from his ears and eyes.

LOGAN:  Upon receiving Emma’s request, he sent her a glare that was harsh enough to make his face burn a light red. His Jean was weak, barely been awake five minutes and he had missed most of the discussion that had lead them all here. Now he was expected to kill the other version of Jean? Again? It was incredibly ironic and it made him sick. It took a lot for him to be anxious, especially to make his limbs shake as a result, but he was feeling it this time. As he moved away from Jean’s side he couldn’t look at her or anyone else as he made his way over to the young version of her. Jaw set in stone, eyes only meeting hers for a brief second before he muttered a quiet “Sorry” before he released one silver claw. Logan moved just as Laura had with Bobby and Warren-- it was quick. And little Jean went limp, then he caught her and lowered her to the ground with the rest of her friends.

EMMA: Five dead bodies. Five frozen X-Men. Emma stood among the carnage and looked to Logan with what was, in actuality, exhaustion. She looked at him with sympathy and not pity because they both were powerless to help people they loved and she hated that more than anything. “It’s done.” Her voice was bogged down by weariness. “You may begin,” she nodded to the five.

EVA: It was a process. The inception of Krakoa had been the creation of the Five: five mutants with different powers bonded together for one purpose. Eva Bell had not manifested until after the events of the Phoenix. She had been swiftly taken in, a new mutant in a new world. The Five had been formed deliberately. They were brought to bring each other together, to fuel one another to defy nature again and again, multiple times a day for day after day. Even when they thought their energy would be depleted they found themselves more energized. There had been a party in the Sextant Habitat and that was where the Five had been, enjoying a nice break from the work. Emma had called though and they had come without hesitation. Eva watched the murders in a sympathy that bordered on disgust. She knew people died because she regrew them. Watching them die was just different. They were skilled at what they did though, well practiced. Eva focused on her role and felt time roll as her mutation grabbed a hold of it, Hope’s powers speeding up the process. They were fast but it could still take a day to regrow. The additional magical presence of Strange felt like an intrusion to their tight unit but Emma had advised they were needed. The group stayed silent as they worked, ten pods darkening with forms. The first five finished and Eva stepped towards the main group and held out a hands towards the pods where people were ready to be cut out. “They’re ready. The others will be in a moment.”

TIME-DISPLACED SCOTT: Dying hadn't been something he'd remembered, the process a lot more like falling asleep than a flash of light. One moment he was preparing for this inevitability (because if he were mind wiped and sent back to just become his future self it may as well have been a death sentence) and the next he was overwhelmed by a sense to breathe. The instinct was so powerful that he clawed at whatever was containing him until his arm reached open air and he felt dirt under his skin. Whatever encased him clung to his body as he tried to pull himself to his feet, his world still shrouded in darkness.

EMMA: Death gave way to life. She had watched the Five work before but it was still spectacular. Illyana had been sent away to fetch the clothing they had arrived in and it was waiting when the children emerged from their pod, completely naked and covered in what many considered to be the rejuvenating goo of Krakoa. The clothing was handed out until they were all in their time period appropriate getups and Emma reached out to take Jean’s hand. “You know what to do.” Her voice was quiet. “Make sure that the scene is exactly as you left it from every shirt tuck to hair placement. Assume your positions and then complete the telepathic wipe. You will have years of anger and tears, of sleepless nights and sorrow. You will age and you will die, but you will also love. You will laugh and you will see what it is like to grow old. You will not cease to exist, Jean, you will become who you’re meant to be. The second you do so the loop will be closed and one day in the future you will sit in stasis waiting for yourself to  make the right choice, and then you will wake and meet your baby later on. We are all better for having you here, Jean Grey. For having all of you.” Emma kissed her forehead before stepping back to allow room for Nate. “I’ll see you again soon, darlings.”

CABLE: The whole process was incredible and terrifying. Nate found himself almost unable to watch as everything progressed, his mind wandering until the young team had assembled in front of him. They were pristine, just as he had remembered them, and ready to go home. He watched and listened as Emma gave them a speech he hadn’t expected, but one he found himself glad to be witnessing. Everything had finally lined up. It was his turn to finally make things right after feeling like the entire universe was against him. After Emma finished, Nate lifted his mechanical arm and fed the correct coordinates into the body-sliding device. “We’re all set.” He looked up at them, motioning for the five of them to come close as he walked a few paces towards them. There was a hint of a smile on his face, feeling a mix of strange relief and anticipation. Once they were all linked, he activated the device and the six of them disappeared in another flash of white-blue light.

TIME-DISPLACED JEAN: For some odd reason, death felt different every time. Maybe it was because of the how and why. Once again her last memory had been of Logan and his claws, but this time she had seen the remorse in his eyes. She had refused to look away because she heard her friends bodies hitting the ground around them and that was something she couldn’t witness. And then, it was golden. Or maybe it was orange. It was hard to tell. All Jean knew is that it was surprisingly calm and she felt like she could float there forever until something in her urged her to reach out her arms and push. She pushed and the shell that held the pod in place cracked apart so she could climb out. Hank, Warren, Scott and Bobby were clamoring to the surface as well and Jean went from having seen one of her teammates naked to all of them. Still, that little sliver of calm remained as she moved forward to take the offered towel and dry off. She grabbed Scott’s glasses and put them on his face with both palms briefly caressing his cheeks before she pulled away and tugged on the clothes offered. “Okay,” she took a deep breath before looking from Strange to their future selves, frozen in time. “I take it they’re back in the past and we’re here. Let’s finish this.”

STRANGE: Strange had remained on the sidelines for the events that transpired, from the deaths of the past X-men to the re-emergence. He didn't move from his place until the second set had been properly clothed and returned to some state of cognizance. Finally, this was a chance to give the young mutants and opportunity to live their lives separate from the paths determined for them, and in this case, Strange was happy to help. Another set of careful movements and the glow returned to his hands. As this was tearing through the present fabric of reality, it took more than a simple use of magic. "I will establish these mutants as a whole separate from their predestined selves." in this case, he had to guide the magic to do his bidding. "I will allow for the emergence of a new reality as a result of severing the ties between past and present." as he spoke, the glow between his hands moved in tendrils around him and the young mutants, surrounding them. "From this moment forth, your lives will be your own, untethered to the lives of your doppelgangers." as he finished, the light that surrounded them became overwhelming, crowding the room. And then, as quickly as it had begun, the magic was gone, having been swallowed up by his words, adhering to his commands. Lowering his hands, he looked over his shoulder to where the present mutants were still in stasis and with a flick of his wrist and a small pop of light, the stasis ended. "It is done." he said.

TIME-DISPLACED JEAN: It is done. With that being said, Jean’s story went from being a closed book to a new chapter. As their older selves popped back into existence Jean felt a strange stirring she couldn’t explain. They had done it. They were free of the past and the strings that would pull them into an inevitable future. Unable to contain her excitement she spun and grabbed Scott by the shirt before tugging him close and kissing him hard.

TIME-DISPLACED WARREN: The last thing he saw was Laura. He felt the light touch of her lips against his and then he couldn’t figure out whether it had felt like only a moment had passed or an eternity. But when he was conscious again, everything felt lighter. His wings were wet and heavy, weighing him down but the pain he had been lost in was completely gone. He emerged alongside the rest of his teammates and stretched out his wings as far he could manage, shaking them off and letting them breathe just as he expanded his new lungs for the first time. They were all naked. He didn’t much care. It was nice to feel awake and alive, and eventually he cleaned himself up and got dressed. Then Strange did his magic-- Warren had only been able to understand part of what was happening before he died. But he didn’t need time to think about it-- before he even had a chance to worry, it had been done. He couldn’t say whether or not he felt different. Maybe he was truly feeling what Strange had done, or maybe it was mind filling in the blanks where it was needed. But it felt.. good. It was the best he had felt during his stay in this time, and that was for the best. This was his time now. And as his gaze eventually met with Laura’s from where she stood, the idea of staying here finally settled in.

SCOTT:  What had been losing time, memories, his sense of self was suddenly transformed into a whirlwind of emotion and memories that weren't his. They were his, but they weren't his. As Scott returned to a present state, he first took a moment to take in his surroundings, processing them. The young x-men were still here, but so was Jean. His Jean. A realization came to him as he churned through years of new memories that this had worked. Against all odds, they'd all been granted lives separate from each other. For a moment, Scott had lost all reticence towards Jean and went to her. "It worked," he said, even though he knew she also knew. "It worked and we're okay." the smile that was in his voice was overwhelming as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. Maybe there was a way to look past all the shit that separated them after all.

LAURA: After committing double homicide Laura hadn’t been able to stand there and watch. Maybe Logan could stand idly and wait to see but Laura couldn’t. She had stalked the beach back and forth, pacing even though sand slowed her pace. When she finally returned Cable was vanishing and the new X-Men were emerging. There was a neutral indifference as they clothed themselves once more, but when they began to mingle Laura looked over to find Warren’s gaze on her and exhaled a small smile. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was quiet even though she knew she had done what was necessary. “How are those wings feeling?” As in, do you want to get out of here?

JEAN: She remembered. It was one memory and then the other as they came back into her mind. It didn’t feel like they were foreign or invasive. These weren’t a strangers memory but her own and a piece she hadn’t realized she was missing finally clicked back into place. More components of her personality were opening up as she remembered what her younger self had seen and done. The minds began to meld and Jean’s view remained her own, bolstered now by additional eyes. Even though there had been such a distance between them, Jean watched her younger self kiss Scott and for a moment remembered what it was like to fall in love with him. Then, her Scott was speaking to her and his arms were around her for the first time in longer than Jean could remember. A smile was on her face as well as she kissed his cheek and sank into his arms. Logan had been there with her, sitting by her side. Logan had been there but in that moment Jean needed to pay attention to Scott and the victory they had. Wrapped in her husbands arms, Jean gave Logan a small smile before her head nestled into Scott’s neck so she could repeat, “We’re okay.”

TIME-DISPLACED WARREN: Warren shook his head at her as he closed the gap between them, one corner of his mouth lifting up into a cross between a smile and a smirk. “Please don’t apologize.” His words were soft. “I was a mess before-- I feel great now.” Feathers ruffled behind him as his wings shook, then stretched out again. “I would be lying if I said I hadn’t missed the feathers. It’s gonna take some getting used to but-” He shrugged. “I don’t think it’ll take long to adjust. Especially if you help me test them out.” The smirk had stretched out into a full smile by the time he was done talking, and then he motioned for Laura to follow him so they could take off.

LOGAN: Jean smiled at him and Logan had been watching for it. He smiled back at her and nodded once, eyes lingering for a beat or two before he looked down and away. It was a strange mix of things that he was feeling, but the strongest of it all was grateful that Jean, and her baby, were alright. That’s what mattered in the end. Things would never be perfect, but he had accepted that long ago.

EMMA: If she were crying it would be from exhaustion, and even then her eyes were only mildly watering. Emma watched the celebration from the side before thanking the Five and sending them back to whatever hedonistic party they had been attending. Illyana spoke with her for a moment before following as well. Everyone was leaving, actually. The party in the Habitat was another booze filled blowout that the mutants loved. Jean and Scott were wrapped up in each other and for a moment her eyes lingered on Logan who was stuck in the peripheral. They had both been the leftovers even though Emma had crafted a hundred excuses to stop herself from ever being cast in that role. Standing alone in the center of a victory in a white ballgown, Emma felt entirely alone and entirely out of place. “It’s my birthday, you know.” Emma broke her reverie as she picked up her skirts and made her way to Logan. “Or, it was. What a birthday it’s turned out to be.” She always celebrated herself but there was a longing for others to do the same without it being hijacked. “Join me for a nightcap? We can celebrate that they won.” She pointed lightly to where Scott and Jean were intertwined. “I could use one, and I have a feeling you could as well.”

LOGAN: The white of Emma’s outfit grew brighter as she approached from off to the side, but Logan tried not to focus on it. It wasn’t until she spoke that he begrudgingly turned to her. He let out a light scoff, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. He hated it, but she was right. They won. Logan tried to convince himself he had won too, but it wasn’t exactly the same. “You sure as hell know how to throw a birthday party.” He thought a few seconds more, then gave her an answer in the form of a single nod as he stood up. “Lead the way, I have a feeling we’ve got a lot of booze to get through.”

EMMA: Who would have thought Emma would end her night talking to Logan of all people? She certainly hadn’t, but now she had a very strange desire to drink cheap liquor. Perhaps an unfortunate side effect of her Boston upbringing. “This isn’t the party, trust me. This was a detour. The party has lots of free booze your scruffy little soul desires. Come,” Emma made her way towards the exit of the Hatchery. “We’ll play nice tonight.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #53

“easy to be sleazy when you’ve got a filthy mind.”

what's the last movie you watched on your own?   i couldn't tell you.  i don't watch movies on my own, it's boring. what about the last movie you watched with another person?   chelsea and i had "gbf" on netflix, but we didn't really watch it. what about the last movie you saw at the cinema? was it good?   colleen, chelsea, and i saw "trolls" for a buck.  it was SOOOO cute. do you attend school, college, or uni?   an art university, yeah. what do you study, wherever you study?   digital photography. kisses on the cheek or the neck?   cheek if you wanna be casual, but neck kisses if you want me to rip your fucking clothes off lmao. how do you earn your keep?   i don't work.  i'm ashamed of it, but i don't and can't work like a "normal" human being.  i'm trying to find a job with my very limiting criteria, but it's not easy, at all.  i doubt i'll ever have a proper job until i can be a freelance photographer. if you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be?   GERMAN, latin, and ummm... i mean i guess spanish, because it'd be most convenient to me. who do you usually text the most?   my mom or my best friend colleen. shaved legs or shaved arms?   legs.  i don't shave my arms. fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs?   i like scrambled and cheesy eggs. have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed?   no.  it'd be nice at least once. have you always got good grades?   from elementary all the way through high school, yeah.  i'm struggling in college... list four things about your facial appearance:   i have blue eyes, glasses, no freckles, and a piercing on the right side of my nose. list four things about your general appearance:   i'm overweight because fuck heartbreak, i'm white, i have no ass, and i have large breasts. list four things you like about yourself:   i'm passionate as fuck, i honestly think i have good morals, i'm loyal, and very understanding. list four things you dislike about yourself:   i'd kill for one man, i'm jealous to the point of hatred, i overreact to literally everything, i can't socialize, you want me to go on? this quiz is pretty different to others, right?   lmao you ruined it cats or dogs?   while i personally find felines to be more interesting as animals, i prefer dogs as pets. are you hungry right now?   no.  my appetite pill is actually working. what do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo?   lmao i was one of those people, i love it!  document your story!  it's beautiful! can you work the washing machine?   ... no.  embarrassing, right.  idk what settings to put it on. do you like your photo being taken?   NO.  other people don't know how to flatter my face. do you like taking photos of yourself?   i mean, i'm a photographer, so every now and again. next gig you're going to?   who knows?  i'd like to go to the carolina rebellion this year, BADLY, but money is such an issue in my family. favorite color?   maroon, baby. when do you plan on moving out?   when i'm with a significant other.  i used to believe i could live on my own in an apartment or something, but no.  depression would consume me entirely. is there someone in your life you wish you never met?   of course there is.  jabari, who tried raping my sister right in front of me, for one.  dustin, ashley's ex, who did nothing but break her heart and abuse her.  there are more.  i personally don't believe everyone comes into one's life for a reason. who/what is your favorite cartoon character?   i don't really know.  i like garfield.  and courage the cowardly dog. what do you think of your mother?   she's very supportive, loving, funny, rational, and serves as my rock.  i'd be lost as fuck if i didn't have my mom.  just sometimes, she thinks she knows more than she does about me. your father?   i love him so much and i live in constant regret about hating him for so many years.  i wish i'd burned that letter i wrote him in opposition of actually sending that shit, because i wonder all the time if he still thinks about what i told him.  he'd do anything for me, and i hope i can repay him for that one day. your siblings (if there are any)?   tiffany: i don't know you, but i wish i did.  misty: you're great, and i miss you.  katie: you confuse me, but i still love you and hope you're okay.  bobby: hey now, you're an all-star.  seeing you with christian lights up my whole world.  i hope i'm half the parent you are some day.  ashley: we're too much alike in an odd way.  you've been through so much, yet you've come so far as a person.  i mean jesus christ, you're a radiologist!  and to know you were once suicidal, that's so inspirational to me.  you have a husband who loves you, even after, like me, believing you could never love another.  you have two beautiful children who love you so much, but i wonder if they can ever love you like i do.  nicole: i worry about you.  you need to leave that damn boy, he's not good enough for you, and he is going to drag you down.  you're too big and bold a person to be chained.  i worry about your happiness quotient as long as he's around, but regardless, i know you're going to go pretty damn far. how many hours do you spend online a day?   i don't really know, but i can't say i care too much.  i don't get why people treat the internet like it's so horrible.  like, let's think about it.  most people, when they have nothing better to do, what do they do?  they watch television.  i sit on the computer instead.  at least i'm engaging my brain. explain your current feelings for your last ex bf/gf:   i'm entirely aware i'm more than in love with him, i'm obsessed with him.  you ain't truly been in love until it gets that far, hunny. how do you feel about teen relationships?   they're fine?  they can lead to a forever relationship. who’s room of the opposite sex were you in last? when?   uhhh.  my dad's and his wife's when i was passing through to go take a shower. what are your views on homosexuals in general?   they're just as human as a heterosexual, if not more open-minded as half the heterosexual populace has issue with them. do you and any of your friends have a "song?"   ha ha ha, yeah.  colleen and i say our "song" is that country piece called "friends" by ummm... blake shelton, i think?  it's such a cutesy song, and when she first showed it to me, she said it made her think of us.  i hate country, yet i still jam out with her every time we hear it. (: which is more important to you - friends or family?   family.  who says some friends can't be family? which is worse - smoking, drinking, or drugs?   drugs.  easily.  allow me to also clarify, alcohol is a drug, so drinking is pretty equal?  nicotine is a drug too, right? is there one person you would seriously kill if you could get away with it?   um.  only if i wouldn't feel guilty.  which i would. what is the last scary movie that actually scared you?   the only scary movie to ever scare me is "the rite."  only because it played with an irrational fear of mine: being impregnated by satan or a demon in general.  i'm afraid of pregnancy period, but the idea of it being the devil's child and it ripping out of your fucking stomach like can you not what are you listening to?   "gospel" by panic! at the disco.  i love his voice in this song so fucking much.  them high notes in the chorus, tho. what is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others?   i'm single. how long have you liked the person you like right now?   five years how many shots can you take?   i've never taken a shot before, and truly, i don't really want to.  i mean i'm sure i will at some point, i just don't have the desire to because i hate the taste of alcohol, and shots are so concentrated. what's a fact about the last person you kissed?   he just turned 23. do you think you're old?   no, shame i feel it, though. are you a jealous person?   in general?  actually, no.  i only get jealous when it comes to jason. when is the next time you will kiss someone?   you tell me. has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs?   i don't think so. do you have a passion for anything?   meerkats!!  photography!!  silent hill and gaming in general!!  rhett and link/gmm!!  heavy metal!! are you a romantic person?   i honestly think i am. what do you think of when i say "lumberjack?"   lmao omg the first thing that came to mind was rhett singing and dancing to the song he made up on the high-heeled lumberjack challenge on gmm. how many children do you want?   one-three.  one if childbirth/pregnancy was way too much, two is most likely, three is a big maybe. do you like mexican food?   nope. do you have a favorite author?   not really. do you have an ex who still talks to you? do they want to be with you again?   if juan even counts, yeah, we talk like what, less than even once a month.  he's made it apparent he wants to be with me again, but pretty sure he's a player, so. do your legs get really itchy after shaving them?   christ, yeah.  my left leg got so itchy once after shaving that i have a large scar going up my shin from scratching it so badly.  even putting lotion on didn't help. do you wear a ring on your finger?   yeah, a ruby/garnet/whatever ring on my right ring finger.  i just put it on permanently the other day.  i got it for christmas. have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?   it is pierced.  i've thought of taking it out in favor of getting the septum pierced though, but i changed my mind. have you kissed anyone with a tattoo before?   no, but a guy with a tattoo has kissed me. which berry is your favorite?   strawberries, definitely. have you ever tried to learn a foreign language?   i took four semesters of german. would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?   lake. do you love seeing frost hanging off leaves in the winter?   omg yaaass would you ever like to own a chandelier?   hell yeah.  i'm big on those creepy octopus chandeliers. when is the last time you went to a carnival?   oh fuck me.  last time i went to a carnival/festival one night was over a year ago with jason and dillon.  i went on a ride i was terrified of (jason was a bit iffy too; he doesn't like heights), and dillon made a self-mutilation joke that nearly ruined the whole night. how many notebooks do you own? are they all filled?   oh jeez.  LOADS.  i have a drawer filled with 'em... i wanna throw them out though.  really old, embarrassing writings. have you ever lived on a university campus?   no. what’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?   mike's hard, i guess.  not like i've tried many. when was the last time you saw a photo of your ex?   long-ish time ago.  i have a picture from our prom beside my bed, but it's buried beneath papers.  so probably the last time i checked his facebook months ago. do you “binge-watch” tv shows?   haven't done that since "sherlock" with jason. do you play any games on your phone?   not anymore.  i had pokemon go, but i had to get rid of it after i ran out of room on my phone, despite having deleted every other app but pinterest and my period tracker.  not like it's really a fun game for rural players, anyway.  you never have pokeballs because pokestops don't exist. have you ever shaved your face?   no.  i mean i've waxed my eyebrows and lip and plucked stray hairs on my chin, but never shaved it. what was the last vaccination you got?   no idea.  probably for an std, y'know, those shots you get as a teenager. how long does it usually take you to get over a break up?   lmao been a year and a handfull of months, still not over it. do you get motion sickness?   nope. do you often forget what you were just about to say?   always.  makes me feel stupid. how many blue-eyed people have you kissed?   none. do you have a friend named holly?   i knew a holly in elementary school, but she was never my friend. what are your parents' middle names?   marie and john. does frequent use of swear words offend or upset you?   not at all, because i don't believe in our definition of "profanity."  who honestly gives a valid fuck about whether a word is "bad" or not.  what makes a word "bad," anyway?  however, i do believe in harmful words that i don't like hearing.  like, calling someone a bitch, to me, is just as bad as calling someone a mean person.  because they mean the same thing.  what makes "bitch" worse?  also, i hate derogatory terms to certain groups, like "the 'n' word" for black people.  otherwise, "swear" all you want, i really don't care. when/where did you meet your first love?   well, to be technical, facebook.  i thought he was a jason i did know, so i accepted his friend request.  thank god i did.  he wanted to be my friend to begin with because he saw me in the hallway at school and, according to him, he thought immediately, "that girl's going to save me."  he remembers exactly what I was wearing, everything.  how he found my facebook, i guess i should probably wonder, lol.  it's so funny, how he claims i was going to save him.  and now i'm the one who needs him.  funny shit. how many facebook friends do you have?   uhhhh 126, i think? which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with?   MY GRANDMA HOLY FUCK have your parents met the person you're currently interested in?   yes, they have. who was your first major crush?   i'm not entirely sure.  maybe this kid named dylan? do you still talk to that person?   haven't in well over a decade.  lmao wait, did i ever even talk to him?  i just thought he was super cute. is there anything you need to do, that you're trying to avoid doing?   yeah.  i hate late homework. do you have any drinking cups with disney characters on them?   we haven't for years.  well, wait.  we may still have some. will you be moving anytime soon?   probably.  we were supposed to get evicted because mom can't afford the rent, yet we're still here.  but our landlord won't be merciful forever; mom still can't pay for it. have you ever written a book? perhaps you are writing one right now?   never finished any... oh yeah!  but one from when i was younger. favorite flavored milk shake?   vanilla do you or your best friend play in a band?   nah. can two living souls become one?   figuratively, sure, literally, no. last song you listened to and what does it mean to you?   i'm listening to "ready to go" by panic! at the disco.  first time listening to it; i'm on a panic! streak.  it just started, so no opinion yet. have you seen the entire harry potter series?   no.  jason and i watched a couple of the movies, but i could never get into it. have you ever been put to sleep for surgery?   i actually don't know.  i had tubes put in my ears as a baby, but i don't remember it at all. have you ever had a pregnancy scare?   okay this is funny.  despite never having sex, my anxiety made me believe by some miracle dry-humping had gotten me pregnant because i missed my period.  like i was so panicked i was even talking about it with jason.  god bless that man, i can only IMAGINE what he must've thought. when was the last time you went bowling?   some months ago with colleen, bradley, and girt. are you expected to help fix thanksgiving dinner?   no. have you ever lost anyone close to cancer?   no, thank god. do you personally know anyone who is transgender?   i don't think so. what’s your favorite flavor of potato chip?   original is the shit. what’s your favorite type of juice?   i really like mango. what was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn?   dude, fuck latin. do you know anyone named amity?   no, but that's a cool name! what do you think of people who always wear make-up?   i really try not to have an opinion because that's really not my business at all, but i can't help but feel a bit sad.  like... i dunno, i just think you should be more comfortable with your own skin instead of always feeling like you've gotta cover it.  my older sister was like that for years, and it always made me sad, because she's so beautiful.  she wouldn't go out without it or take pictures if she didn't have some on. is there a smell that gives you headaches?   gasoline. what’s your least favorite thing about summer?   everything?  can i say everything??? have you ever wanted to vlog?   not really.  i lead a boring life and i am WAY too shy and awkward. do you have any of the guitar heroes/rock bands?   plenty.  original, ac/dc, metallica, green day, van halen, greatest hits, and i'm positive i'm missing some. have you ever worn flip flops in the snow?   lmao yes. do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to?   of course i do. have you ever moved to a different state?   nope.  been in nc my whole life. have you ever been to germany?   no, but i'd REALLY like to go! what decade do you think is the best musically?   hm.  '80s. have you ever written poetry or fiction?   yup.  some cringy stuff lmao. have you ever lived with your girlfriend/boyfriend?   yes.  we lived with another couple, who were our friends. how do you feel about your relationship status?   it's boring and lonely. how many relationships have you been in?   one legitimate one.  one puppy-love.  one misunderstanding that lasted less than a day. what’s something you do that really frustrates people who are closest to you?   i can be VERY passive and submissive.  like, ask me what i wanna do?  "i don't care."  wanna do this, brittany?  "if you want to."  is this fine for dinner, brittany?  "sure, if you feel like making it."  colleen HATES this about me. do you care what people think?   sometimes.  sometimes not at all.  sometimes way too much. is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you?   not anymore.  jason was like that.  it was supernatural. do you like the color yellow?   no, actually. what was your favorite game when you were a child?   the spyro games. when was the last time you had blood drawn?   last time i was at the er for mental reasons.  they always take your blood to ensure you're not on drugs. have you ever hated someone but felt pity for them at the same time?   honestly?  no. what eyeshadow color suits you best?   black, baby. in regards to kissing, full on making-out or will a peck suffice?   depends on where we are and how passionate we're feeling. are you a ke$ha fan?   no. how short is too short for shorts/skirts?   please at least keep your full ass covered. have you even swam in a lake? did you freak out about the germs, afterwards?   i have, and not particularly. have you ever snuck-out to see a guy?   nope. does your cell-phone take decent pictures?   NO.  i actually still have my old phone just to take my selfies lmao. have you ever sexted?   it's my biggest regret. have you ever posed topless with a friend?   i have not. do you shed hair everywhere you go?   ha ha yeah. where do you part your hair?   to the far left do you talk with your hands?   absolutely.  jason used to make fun of me for it, then he started to do it. do guy's adams apple's gross you out?   no. lil' wayne, hopsin, kanye west, or kid cudi?   i don't particularly like any of them, but there is a song by hopsin that makes me laugh. have you ever questioned your mental health?   i'm not questioning it, i've accepted it. when you go to the beach, are you swimming, tanning, playing, or searching for shells?   swimming and looking for shells! do you wash your hair every day?   no, that's bad for you. do you have long eyelashes?   my old english teacher stopped class just to point out they were once lmao.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

all was golden when the day met the night

chapter 3/5

read on ao3

start from the beginning

“...and then we saw the lions, but they were sleeping so they weren’t very scary. And the otters were so cute, and they came right up to the glass when they were swimming underwater!”

Eddie smiles as Chris recounts their day at the zoo to his parents over FaceTime. The monthly calls had been their idea, a way for them to stay up to date on Chris’s life in between holidays and summer visits. It was also their way of having a scheduled time to nitpick Eddie’s life from 800 miles away.

He loves his parents, he does. He just loves them more when they aren’t speaking.

“Your face looks a little red, sweetheart, were you wearing sunscreen today?” his mother asks, face getting too close to the camera as she inspects her grandson.

“Yeah, Dad put some on me when we got there.”

“Did he put on any more during the day?” Her eyes shifted to Eddie, perched next to Chris on the couch. “You know you need to reapply every two—”

“Yes, Mom, I did. And it’s getting late so we should really get going, say goodbye buddy—”

“Wait! I didn’t show them my snakes!” Chris rifles through his backpack underneath the coffee table, yanking out a folder and flipping through it until he finds the drawings he and Buck worked on. He holds them up triumphantly, angling them so his grandparents could see. “Buck helped me with them!”

“And Buck is…”

“Dad, you know who Buck is. My friend that owns the tattoo shop?” He tries not to ignore how calling Buck his “friend” feels like a disservice to all that he really is, how it tastes like sand in his mouth.

“He’s an awesome artist,” Chris pipes in. “He has huge books in the shop of all the stuff he can do, and sometimes he lets me watch when he’s working!”

His parents blanche at that, and Eddie is really not prepared to have this argument right now. He and Chris had a great day together, a rare day when he wasn’t in the shop for any reason, leaving it in Hen’s more than capable hands. They had a lot of fun at the zoo, were getting ready for a Marvel double feature in their living room, and Eddie was in an honest-to-god good mood, for once not plagued by lingering stress or ambiguous sadness. He’s not about to let any outside judgements ruin that.

“I think it’s time to go. Chris, can you say goodnight and go get your pajamas on?” Chris waves as he grabs his crutches and heads to his room. Eddie turns back to say a quick goodbye, but his dad clears his throat before he can speak.

“You leave your son alone in a tattoo parlor?”

“He’s not alone, Dad, he’s with Buck and all the other adults that work there. Plus it’s only in a pinch.”

“Eddie, do you really think those are the kind of people you should be leaving Christopher with?” his mother asks, a look of contempt masked by concern on her face.

Eddie takes a slow breath in and out through his nose. No use in giving them more ammo by getting angry. “Just because you don’t like their business doesn’t mean they’re bad people.”

“We just want to make sure Christopher is—”

“He’s fine. He’s happy when he’s learning to draw with Buck. I’m not going to take that away from him just because you don’t like it. Now we have to go, we’ll talk to you later.” He hits the red end button before they can protest any further. He tips his head back to rest on the couch and scrubs a hand over his face, his good mood now tinged with prickly frustration.

He thinks his parents mean well, but they’ve always been forceful when it comes to Chris, especially after Shannon left. It’s like they knew, somehow, how lost Eddie was on his own, how scared he was that every little thing he did was setting Chris up for failure, and took every opportunity to fix something he was doing or tell him he was wrong. That he didn’t actually know what Chris needed since he had been gone for so long. 

Eventually, Eddie started believing them.

But when Mrs. Negrelli gave him the money to start his own shop, he didn’t just see it as a fresh start for himself, but for Chris too. Eddie would be able to take them anywhere, away from the looming disappointment of his parents, and give himself the opportunity to figure out how to best be the dad that Chris needed. And if the past year is any indication, he knows he made the right choice, a credit he isn’t usually able to give himself. He’s not perfect, still second guesses himself constantly, but Chris gets invited to birthday parties and sleepovers and gets As on his report card, so something must be working.

Chris comes back from his room, Spider-Man pajamas on, handing Eddie the remote to queue up the first movie. He’s happily chattering about all the cool things Spider-Man’s costume does in the movie, and as he settles into Eddies’s side, head resting on his chest, Eddie feels the prickliness subside, replaced by the contentment he only ever feels around his son.

They’re good here. Chris is happy here. That’s all that matters to Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sundays are Eddie’s favorite days in the shop — traffic is usually slow, so he has time to plan out orders for the rest of the week and make sure their inventory is in check. It’s a little monotonous, but it eats up about four hours of time and gives him a break from any real thinking, so he feels almost relaxed by the time he’s done stocking cases. He has the added bonus of Chris and Buck’s conversation in the back room as background noise, interspersed with the occasional yell and slap of the table and Buck teaches him a new card game. The melody of Chris’s laugh and the harmony of their voices soothes him even more than usual, quiets some of the lingering annoyance from his call with his parents.

As he heads into the back room to grab the last boxes of peonies, Chris beckons him over to the table where he and Buck have been stationed since breakfast. It’s become a bit of a tradition: Buck brings muffins or bagels from Bobby and Athena’s bakery on Sundays and hangs out until the afternoons when his earliest appointments are scheduled (I refuse to tattoo anyone while they’re hungover from Saturday, Eddie. It’s not good for them and the extra complaining is certainly not good for me.). 

Maybe that’s another reason Sundays are his favorite days. Add that to the list of secret feelings involving Buck that are following him to the grave.

“Dad! Look, I colored Buck’s skull purple!” Chris says as Eddie comes behind his chair, bracketing him in with his arms on the table. Chris giggles as Eddie kisses the top of his head, leaning over him for a closer look. Buck’s latest tattoo is indeed a bright shade of purple, the roses surrounding it colored in blue.

“I told him I like cooler colors and he ran with it,” Buck says. Eddie’s eyes shift to Buck’s face, and he feels his heart stutter when he sees the soft, fond smile directed at Chris. It stutters again when Buck’s eyes meet his, that familiar warmth settling over him as Buck’s smile gets bigger, and he feels good enough, relaxed enough, that it actually soaks into his skin. Buck’s gaze flits down to Eddie’s arm where it’s still bracketing Chris, a crease appearing right between his eyebrows. The urge to lean over and kiss it away is unbelievably sudden and strong, and Eddie silently congratulates himself for keeping it together.

“Your ink looks a little faded there, Eds. I can fix it up for you, if you want.”

Eddie looks at the script on his arm, twisting it back and forth to see the whole thing. Buck’s right, the ink does look duller. Makes sense for a tattoo he got on his 18th birthday that he definitely didn’t take care of properly. 

Fortalecer la mente y superar el cuerpo. Strengthen the mind and overcome the body. When he was young and invincible, that seemed like all he needed. A clear head, clear purpose, clear desires, and he’d be able to do anything he wanted. If he followed the rules and did everything right, he’d get a happy ending.

But, once again, it hadn’t been enough. And now, looking at that tattoo just reminds him of the ways he’s failed. How he hasn’t been able to make his mind into anything resembling strong, how there are days when he’s so weak even basic functions take too much effort. How a happy ending is feels so far away he can’t remember what one even looks like.

He shrugs, hand rubbing the tattoo unconsciously. “Maybe, I kinda just want to let this one fade out though. Maybe get a different one somewhere else.”

“Well, my offer of a free tattoo still stands, just name the day.” Buck says. 

Chris gasps and twists around in his seat, eyes bright with excitement. “Can I help you pick it out? Can I draw it? I’m good at lots of stuff now, and Buck can help!”

And he’s not sure what it is — the smile on Chris’s face at the idea, Buck’s matching one, the lingering frustration with his parents transforming into rebellion (something he hasn’t felt since he last got a tattoo), or a combination of the three. But before he can think too hard about it, he hears himself saying:

“You know what? Why not. I’ll get another tattoo, and you guys can design it.”

They cheer and high five each other, Chris hugging Eddie tight around the middle.

“But,” Eddie says, “I do want final approval. And no cartoon characters.”

“I promise, Dad, it’ll be the best tattoo ever!” Chris grabs his nearby notebook and starts doodling, chattering happily about what he thinks will look good. Buck catches his eye again and winks, and Eddie’s returning smile is the easiest it’s ever been.

He grabs the boxes he came back for and goes to the front, still smiling as he hears Buck and Chris very seriously discuss the details of what Eddie should get. He’s not nervous, really, but he does say a silent prayer to whoever is listening that they don’t pick something too big or too bold. He loves them both, but not that much.

~~~~~~~~~~

They take about a week to design it and are so secretive they might as well be planning a jewel heist. It seems like every time Eddie walks into a room, they’re there with their heads pressed together, whispering over sheets of paper and pens. When Eddie tries to sneak a peek, they quickly hide everything away so he can’t see. Buck throws his whole body on the table at one point just to cover up the sketches.

Again, he’s not nervous. But the anticipation does start to get to him.

Finally, after a busy Saturday full of wedding deliveries, they announce that the design is complete, and Eddie is scheduled at Armageddon the following Friday evening. Chris already has a sleepover with Denny that night and won’t be able to come, but he makes Eddie double pinky promise to send pictures to Hen as soon as it’s done. 

It’s Friday now, and Eddie is all set up at Buck’s station in the back of the shop, waiting to see the final product of Buck and Chris’s hard work. He is a little nervous now, but he mostly blames that on Buck, who keeps looking over the sketchpad, pen in hand like he wants to make last minute changes, or like something isn’t quite right.

“Just show me, Buck,” Eddie says after a few minutes of watching Buck bite his lip in worry. Whatever the design is, he’s sure he’ll love it, if for no other reason than because of the two people who made it.

“Okay, okay. You can be honest if you don’t like it, but I think you’re gonna like it.”

He flips the paper over, turning it towards Eddie. It’s a crescent of flowers, an unfinished wreath, featuring moonflowers, Eddie’s favorite, with their starburst centers spiraling open, and ox-eye daisies, which he knows Chris loves. Sprigs of lavender and thyme fill in the gaps, and there’s a small bee floating around the center. It’s beautiful and a little chaotic, but it’s perfect. Reminders of his son and peace and courage that he’ll be able to carry with him always, that he’ll be able to look at when he forgets that he is capable of bravery or deserving of peace. He stares at the sketch, taking in every detail, for who knows how long. Buck clears his throat to get his attention.

“Chris thought the daisies and moonflowers would look good together, and they’re both white so no need for color. I thought the herbs would be nicer than just plain leaves. And he wanted it in a ‘C’ shape, you know, for Christopher.”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “And the bee?”

“Chris thought that would be cute, too, but you can nix that if you want.” There’s a faint blush dusting Buck’s cheeks as his eyes track down to the bee in question. “So, what do you think? Any major changes? You can tell me if you hate it, I won’t tell Chris.”

He looks up and Buck’s eyes are excited and worried all at once. Eddie would do anything to take the worry away, but at least this time it’s an easy fix.

“I don’t hate it, it’s perfect,” he says, handing the sketch back to Buck and settling back in the chair. “Let’s do this.”

Buck smiles brightly as he grabs an antiseptic wipe, holding Eddie’s right arm steady as he wipes down the area just below his elbow crease where the tattoo will go. Eddie knew he wanted it there as soon as he’d agreed to get one — he’d be able to see it easily when he needed to, and he liked that it matched the placement of his current one, would almost be replacing it if the words ever fully faded away. Once it’s cleaned, Buck puts a temporary transfer of the design there to trace over, starts up the tattoo machine, and loads the ink. The low buzzing of the machine mixes with the music playing and soft conversation coming from other clients in the shop, washing over Eddie like white noise.

Buck takes his arm again, machine in hand, and locks his eyes on Eddie. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

“You can yell if it hurts too bad, just try not to pass out.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, says “It’ll be—” before cutting off with an involuntary hiss as the needle touches his skin. Buck snorts, and Eddie does his best to glare but feels it fall short.

He hadn’t worried about the pain — he vaguely remembered the sensation of being stabbed over and over again and didn’t remember it hurting that bad. He had also been shot before, so he figured he’d be able to handle it.

What he hadn’t taken into account was that for the next two hours or so, he and Buck would be very close together, close enough that Eddie can feel Buck’s breath on his arm as he traces over the outline, feels his strong hand on his wrist as he keeps Eddie from twitching. He had never been this close to Buck, had never allowed himself to be, and now that he is, he’s not sure how to act. He tries to look anywhere else, takes in the art on the wall, watches the other clients with Maddie and Chimney. He tries to make a to-do list for the weekend in his head, go over the things Chris will need for school next week, mentally figure out the designs for next week’s orders.

It’s all in vain, though, because no matter what, his eyes always drift back to Buck. From here, he can take in everything, and for once, he lets himself, because who knows when he’ll have this opportunity again. 

Buck’s brow is furrowed in concentration, blue eyes dark as they focus. He can almost count every eyelash, and his birthmark stands out even more than usual, almost glowing under the fluorescent lights. Eddie itches to reach out and touch it, feel how soft he imagines Buck’s skin to be under his fingertips. His cheekbones and jawline are sharp and beautiful, and Eddie wonders again how anyone could resist them. How someone could look at this man, have even one conversation with him, and decide they didn’t want more. He’s biting his lip as he finishes the first moonflower, and it turns and even darker pink as he releases it. Eddie gets a little lost imagining how those lips would feel on his, how gentle and warm and good. He imagines feeling them on his shoulder as they wake up on a Saturday morning, sees them laughing as they both make breakfast, trading kisses as they go. He wants to taste them, feel them moving down his neck, down his chest, wrapping around his—

He inhales quickly and shakes his head, because this is not the time nor the place to go down that particular road. Thankfully, Buck’s still in his own little world, eyes never leaving Eddie’s arm. He must mistake Eddie’s movement for discomfort, because he moves his free hand down from his wrist until they’re holding hands, Buck’s thumb moving slowly back and forth in comfort.

“You can squeeze if it hurts too bad,” he mutters, still not looking up. Thank god too, because Eddie can feel his face go bright red and his heart start working overtime.

The first pass takes about an hour, and they take a break so Eddie can stretch his legs and Buck can get more ink. There’s still some detailing left to do, but Eddie already can’t stop staring at the tattoo. It looks even better than the sketch, and having a tribute to his son literally branded on his skin fills a fiercely paternal part of him like nothing else ever has. There’s also a smug part that’s still 17 years old and can’t wait to see the looks on his parents’ faces when they have their next video call.

Buck finishes getting set up again and Eddie settles back in the chair. It’s quieter now — they’re the only two on the floor, Maddie and Chimney having finished up and moved to the back room, and the music playing over the speakers is something slower, stripped down, seems to filter into the room and soften all the hard edges of the world. Buck catches his eye from where he’s sitting, asking silent permission to start. Eddie nods, and he feels his heart swell when Buck automatically grabs his hand again. 

He’s got maybe 45 more minutes in this proximity to Buck, and he takes full advantage: notes the way his curls are starting to fall loose after a long day, tries to catalogue each shift of his face, every twitch of concentration, the shadow of his stubble growing in. Getting to study him like this — memorize the details of the beautiful face that houses an even more beautiful soul — makes all the feelings Eddie’s been trying to fight for months now bubble to the surface, fizzing inside of him like pop bubbles. 

But there’s a chill that settles in as well, because despite his heart desperately pulling him towards this man, he reminds himself once again that he can’t have this. He can’t let himself have this, can’t do that to Buck. He’s supposed to be forgetting about his feelings, releasing them so they can both be happy — Buck with someone who deserves him and Eddie...alone. With Chris, but still. Alone. And now he has to wrestle with that while a slide show of Buck’s every facial feature plays through his head on a likely infinite loop.

He can’t forget as easily as he thought. If he’s honest, there’s a small, hopeful part of himself that doesn’t want to forget, that never wanted to forget, and it’s getting louder and harder to ignore with each passing minute.

“Done!” Buck says as he turns off the machine and wipes away the last of the excess ink. Eddie looks at the finished product, a soft smile settling on his lips. He looks up and sees Buck watching him, looking hopeful. “What do you think?”

Eddie’s finger hovers over a daisy reverently. “It’s beautiful,” he whispers, smile spreading as he meets Buck’s eye again. “Thank you, Buck.”

Buck returns the smile, squeezing Eddie’s hand where they’re still clasped together, neither of them moving to let go. They’re still in each other’s bubble, close enough that Eddie can still count Buck’s eyelashes, and he watches Buck watch him for a moment. His eyes roam his face like he too is cataloging Eddie from here, and that hopeful voice is convincing him that from where they’re sitting, it’d be so easy to lean in and confirm exactly what Buck tastes like, how his lips would feel under his own. Just six inches away from allowing himself to be happy, because he can’t imagine being anything else with Buck.

His phone goes off from his pocket, immediately bursting the bubble, both of them flinching as the loud trill fills the shop. They both know it’s Chris, but he still looks at Buck apologetically, like it’s his fault for shattering whatever atmosphere they’d just been living in. Buck just waves toward the phone, squeezing his hand one more time before letting go to clean up his station. He talks to Chris for a bit, showing him the tattoo from every angle, and Chris talks to Buck as well, gushing about what a great job Buck did. Buck blushes at the praise, and that tug of want pulls at Eddie again.

They hang up and Eddie gathers his things while listening to Buck’s strict aftercare instructions, both heading to the front door so Buck can lock up. 

“Are you sure I can’t pay you?” Eddie asks.

“I told you it was on the house and I meant that. Plus it’s nice to work on someone I actually care about.”

Eddie feels his face get warm, hopes the neon lights in the window are bright enough to cover it up. It gets warmer as they continue looking at each other, neither willing to break their little bubble again. He thinks he sees Buck move more toward him, like he wants to get closer, but he stops himself before following through, leaning back on his heels instead, looking sheepish.

“Goodnight, Eddie. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie waves as he leaves, stepping into the cool night to walk back to the apartment. He keeps glancing down at his arm on the walk and while he’s getting ready for bed, thinking of the care Chris and Buck both put into creating it. That small voice in his head keeps nagging him, saying Buck wouldn’t do something like this, something this personal, for just anyone. He complains about his clients enough for Eddie to know that’s true.

Maybe the voice is on to something. As he falls asleep, Eddie lets himself think that maybe, maybe, on top of everything, on top of two years of friendship and flowers and looks that make Eddie’s insides flutter, maybe these feelings he’s been trying to ignore aren’t as one sided as he thought.

Maybe he has a chance.