#the concept of a by the book nerd dating a literal magic being is my favourite thing and that'd be a cool thing to include

[lab-trash]

Yknow, I'm genuinely surprised there hasn't been some sort of weird horror/adult adaptation of The Magic Tree House.

Like, an It style thing. And I don't know why that surprises me. The books weren't particularly scary, and I don't know if I ever read the origins book, so I don't know how it ended up there or why those kids are there in it all the time.

But it's still really weird to me. Like, it feels like the perfect recipe for some sort of weird, dystopian horror. An isekai horror, if you will. These two early-to-mid teenagers getting shoved into the past or future or different dimension or however you have it. And they need to get home or whatever.

[ninacarstairss]

hello my beloved soulmate bestie cece

how have you been?? i have missed you so so so much. i saw on twitter that the first teaser for the pjo tv show is out (it looks so good MY GOD, i need to dump everything else on my tbr and finish pjo before it comes out!) i’m sure you are super excited!!

as promised, here is the complete rundown of my trip with excruciating detail. drop everything you are doing, pour yourself a fun drink and get cozy, because you may as well as be reading a novel.

so, destination reveal: i went to melbourne with my parents! i had my birthday earlier this year and i got tickets to hamilton and it was only showing in melbourne at the time (now it’s showing in other places on later dates, but that’s irrelevant and i’m getting distracted)

we arrived in melbourne early thursday afternoon, we had a bit of time to check in, get ready and then head to her majesty’s theatre for the show! and cece, it was so much better than i thought it would be. i watched it during the pandemic on disney plus and it was horrible. i loved the concept of rapping instead of singing, but i felt like it was overhyped and maybe it wasn’t the right story for this new way of writing music for musical theatre (i’m an unashamed musical theatre nerd and have been since i was eleven, i am a harsh critic) but! the performers were incredible! it was so fun to watch and i actually learnt more watching it live than on disney plus. i also bought a mug from a cute they/she at the souvenir desk and they complimented my suit (it was my fav suit too btw), the non-binary solidarity for the win!

friday! we had a huge day in the city. melbourne was one of the first established cities in australia, and they love preserving their history and incorporating old elements with the modern stuff. so there was so much old architecture!! i went into a few bookstores (of course, who would i be if i didn’t?) and OH MY GOD. i went into one with books literally floor to ceiling! so many books i have never even seen or heard of before! it was so gorgeous!! i also went into a variant of my local bookstore and it was so much bigger and had more titles, including the fifteenth edition of city of bones, so naturally i bought it. in the end, i bought quite a few books. luckily, i am so good at packing that i doubt they even moved a millimetre in my bag. after we went out for the day, we rested a little, because when we didn’t catch the tram, we just walked, before my parents took me to a local pub to catch up with one of their friends from when they lived in melbourne themselves.

on saturday, we went out to see the old melbourne gaol! it was so so cool, and super creepy (my fav). the old melbourne gaol is most famous for being the place where the infamous bushranger, ned kelly, was hung. we had the chance to explore the cells, read about the inmates and look at their deathmasks (where scientists believed the shape of your head determined your personality traits, a practice known as phenology). basically, after a person was hung, they would take a mold of the person’s head to study the shape of their skull to determine their character (super stupid i know). we also got to have a tour of the watchhouse which was used up until 1994, and we had this dressed up police officer guide us. she pulled some people forward, gave them a name and an offence. unfortunately i was called out, but funnily enough, i was given the name casey. after this, we went to the state library of victoria, which is HUGE! and the doors, that you would expect to push to get inside, opened by themselves! it felt like fairytale magic. at nighttime, we went to a football match (australian football, not to be confused with soccer). it was the one condition of my parents taking me, but it was actually a good game. it helped that my parents’ team won 😌

and now we finally reach today. i was sad to go, but we did so much today. firstly, we said goodbye to our unit and dropped our bags off for safekeeping while we toured south melbourne. we went to the south melbourne markets for breakfast, and i had the best breakfast burger i have ever had in my entire life. it was a spicy bacon and egg burger, so it had bacon, buttery scrambled egg, jalapeños, sriracha mayo and cheese. it was delicious, cece! plus i also got potato gems hehe. after that, we walked around the markets, got a few things and then went to the lume, which is in the exhibition centre. this was easily my favourite part of the entire trip. we went to an exhibition dedicated to the works of vincent van gogh. there was one room where you could read about his works, read about his life and there was even a real life adaptation of one of his paintings! it was one of the paintings of his bedroom, and it was so realistic to the painting, it felt like i was trapped in it. and then we had this experience! the floors and walls were white but were all connected to projectors. there was the timeline of van gogh’s life and artistry, with quotes from his letters matched with each painting and the paintings moving, like the birds in the sky or the train on the tracks. classical music played in the background and there was even a fragrance released in three layers to add to the sensory affect of looking at his paintings! cece, you would have loved it!! i’m going to attach a few photos! i also bought a waterbottle with ‘almond blossom’ on it and i bought a set of postcards because it contained my favourite painting of all time ‘skull of a skeleton with burning cigarette’ (long title, beautiful painting, and so much meaning!!!!)

we got home not too long ago, but i decided to have a shower and then write you a letter before unpacking. i had a wonderful time and i didn’t think about uni or work once!! i even managed to start my annotating of rwrb! i came to a couple of realisations upon coming back to try and help my mental health and organising my workload, because those few days were some of the best in my life.

re: our last letter. dixie has been snuggled and i have been yelled (barked) at, as i deserve 😔 but i think we are good now. and children are super annoying, they are the worst!

now, please enlighten me. how have you been, my love? did the children manage to behave themselves? did you catch a break? have you eaten some new food that we need to try and teleport for me to try? (that reminds me of the biscoff donut i got at the markets today 🤤) have you slept well? are you hydrated? (if not, fix that quickly!)

i hope you are well, and i am sitting on a box full of my love for you in an attempt to keep it shut <3333

p.s. idk why it formatted like this, tumblr hates me 😭

hello my beloved soulmate bestie nero!!

i’ve been good!! but i’ve missed you so much too!! and yes the teaser is out!! i’m so excited and happy!!! it still feels unreal that we finally have a show and that it’s already so accurate 🥺🥺 but don’t worry you have time to finish the books 🥲 apparently the series is scheduled to come out in 2024

*sits down on the couch and cuddles in the cosiest blanket with a cup of tea and a piece of chocolate* i’m so ready

nero that sounds wonderful!!! i’ve never seen melbourne and i like musical theatre but i’m not an expert, but it sounds amazing!! and it sounds like you really lived it!! i can literally feel the excitement coming off the letter. i imagine it must have been a dream come true!!! also the non-binary solidarity at the souvenir desk is the cherry on top, literally the best feeling!!

honestly this whole trip sounds so great already!!! i’d love to see these places for myself, you’re making me want to travel to australia now with all these descriptions!! and i didn’t know melbourne was so full of history!! and that bookstore?? oh my gods i am so jealous and happy at the same time!! it sounds heavenly, they both do actually!! i’ve never been into a bookstore that had the fifteenth edition of city of bones 😻😻 and i mean of course you bought it, how could you not?? and of course you bought more books too, you’re not in melbourne every day so why not take advantage of all those amazing bookstores?? 😇 it was only fair

okay so this is super cool because i actually studied phenology last year in uni. we had a spanish literature class and we were reading this author who followed this discipline and studied it a lot. and yeah it’s very stupid but it was so interesting when i first heard about it because it’s so absurd. but anyway that whole visit sounds super cool!! and super creepy, which is great hehe and i loved all this history and facts!! seriously i feel like i’m walking around the gaol with you now. also, love that you got picked and named casey 😂 the police officer must have known about your undying love for casey mcquiston and their books!!

the state library of victoria oh my gods!! i’ve always loved that library, i remember seeing some pictures years ago and it looked so amazing and huge!! ugh i can practically feel the magic! 😻

it’s so cute that your parents are still so connected to the city!! i mean i hate sports so watching a football match wouldn’t have been my first choice either, but it’s so nice they wanted to see their team and they brought you along to catch up with friends!

okay now i’m really jealous. that sounds like the best breakfast ever!!! it’s like 3pm here, i had lunch an hour ago and now i feel the urge to go get a spicy bacon and egg burger. but i’m sure it wouldn’t taste that good here 😭

OMG NERO!! I LOVE THAT EXHIBITION AND I THINK I WENT TO A SIMILAR ONE!!! there was something similar close to the city where i live a few years ago and it’s still one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever seen!! the one i went to must have been a lot smaller than this one though because i only had the second part. that life adaptation of his painting looks so surreal even from the picture. it took me a moment to realise it was the adaptation and nor the painting itself!! and i love van gogh, i love his works so much, that exhibition must have been amazing!! and the experience (i only had that when i went to my exhibition plus a brief summary of his life and a VR experience of one of his paintings) was unreal!! i remember that it feel like you’re part of the paintings and it looks so beautiful. these pictures brought me right back there!! it’s really something so beautiful

also, i love those souvenirs!!! oh that bottle must be so cute!! and i actually had to look up that painting from the postcard because i didn’t know it (and then i realised it was obviously the one in the pictures at the end of the letter, but let’s glide over this) but it looks so beautiful!! i love the idea and the vibe of it, it looks so different.

oh so now you have to unpack?? that’s always the saddest part 😥 i’m sending you a big hug and hope that the memories of these amazing days make it easier!! and i’m so happy you got this time off to really relax!! you deserved it a lot, and i really hope these realisations help! you’ve been really stressed and overworked lately, so i’m so proud and happy that you might have found some solutions!! also, can’t wait to see those rwrb annotations now!

what, you’ve been yelled at by dixie?? and you deserved it?? no but why 🥺 did she miss you too much??

i’ve been good, love. i’ve had a pretty full week, the children definitely didn’t manage to behave themselves, not even once, and i kinda wanted to quit on the spot. i can generally deal with kids, but these two are devils. i’m not even exaggerating. but anyway i did catch a little break this weekend: i went to cuddle some alpacas!!

long story short, it was a birthday gift for my mum and my sister and i tagged along, so we went to this farm and visited some super cute alpacas!! there was a farmer guiding us and telling us what to do and not to do in order to not scare the alpacas (and not get spit on 😂) and she also explained us a lot about their character, their habits, how their fur is used and all that.

the alpacas were super nice. the farmer had given us some food to give them so they started getting close to us and eat off our hands and it was so nice 🥺 then they let themselves be petted for a long time and they also let themselves be hugged!! it was amazing and they are so soft, it made my whole week!!

unfortunately i didn’t get to try any new foods, but i wish i could try and teleport an alpaca there so you could hug it and cuddle it like i did!! (but i really wish you could teleport me that biscoff donut because it sounds heavenly). i’m well hydrated and i’ve been sleeping well, and i also had a job interview this week. i still haven’t heard back but fingers crossed, it would be really nice!!

i hope you are well too, and let me know how the unpacking is going and how readjust to normal life and routine works! i’m loving that box, know that i have one here too, so full of love and soft plushies and tea for you!! <3

i’m leaving here a pic of an alpaca just because they’re too cute not to!

[neitherfatenorthestars]

felix x mc x rime being three chaotic mages

random headcanons | these have been on my mind forever and ever. this is for felix and rime enjoyers who wish they could nerd out about magic and other things more because magic is so cool,, some of these are self-indulgent and also i'll be leaning a little into felix and rime's generally more questionable hobbies if ykyk (cw brief mention of dissection, i'll point it out again below) (gender-neutral MC)

felix and mc and rime are the only ones actively practicing magic in the gang: mage solidarity

we as a society cannot forget how felix and rime were Top Students who literally ended up dating because they spent so much time at the library studying together, what a dream relationship story i love libraries

felix and mc often get carried away very late into the night because they get so engrossed in discussions about magic and new spells they could experiment with, so rime has to drag them into bed before they completely ruin their sleep schedules

unLESS felix or mc bring up a point of contention that intrigues rime—well, then rime gets fired up and joins their very heated discussion until they either reach a unanimously agreed-upon resolution or pass out on top of one another from exhaustion

sometimes, felix and mc walk into the kitchen for breakfast, their eyes meet, and this happens:

MC: ...Felix.

Felix: MC.

MC:

Felix:

MC: I still think that-

Felix: And I already told you that-

and so on so forth about whatever magical concept they're currently studying together while rime silently watches over his cup of latte

i said before that banter was sexy and cute but academic discourse?? mmMMMM a whole other level

bonus points if sage or anisa are there to be like ?? 'rime what are they talking about. how long is this gonna go on for.'

whenever there's some magical mystery the gang encounters that needs to be solved, felix gets called on first (i think felix has read the most books compared to both rime and mc considering the timeline and just felix being felix, therefore giving him the broadest scope of knowledge) but if it gets tricky rime and mc join in on the brainstorming and the three of them huddle together in hushed tones and very serious mutters while sage and anisa are just like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

okay these headcanons are about to get Real Specific so there's a lot of 'if your mc _____' because i want to write these headcanons but also don't want to make any assumptions about your mc

(the mention of dissection is for this point and the next 2) if your mc is not squeamish about felix's taxidermy you probably won't be squeamish about this i hope: the gang fight an unidentifiable dangerous creature and once they defeat it the three mages investigate but they can't figure out its nature and origins so anisa and sage are like okay what do we do then?

cmon cmonn taxidermist felix, knife-loving rime and mc who has been influenced by them both? they look at one another with this unnerving glint in their eyes and say, "well, we dissect it of course."

deadass—

Felix, MC and Rime: we're going to dissect it, as you do

Anisa and Sage: no we don't????

i just love the idea of felix and mc and rime sharing the same brain cell in various contexts,, anyways

if your mc is kind of clumsy, maybe even the type to run into every table and doorframe they walk past: rime is always ready to heal every little scrape and bruise but he will absolutely be insufferable about it. "i wouldn't have to keep doing this if you were just a little more careful, sweetheart." he acts all exasperated but his touch is so unbearably gentle it makes mc shiver

if your mc picks up felix's habit of using spells for the most trivial things: with both of them throwing magic around, sometimes there's a magical mishap or two but it keeps the place lively (anisa scolds them once or twice but felix and mc just look at each other and suppress the urge to grin)

upon hearing that felix was not much of a healer, mc in canon expressed their interest in learning healing. if your mc is into studying beyond felix and rime's areas of expertise: they're always ready to hear mc rant excitedly about every new subject they study and are happy to help with whatever mc needs to further their research. whenever mc learns a new spell or technique they've never heard of they are always sincerely in awe.

yesss let us bask in the glory of learning ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

[justgottafinishthischapter]

Writing Romance: Opposites Attract

One of the most widespread among romantic tropes is opposites attract, and with good reason. When a couple are opposites, they’re meant to be one of a few things to each other: 1. An inverse reflection of each other. 2. Compliment each other 3. Cover each other’s shortcomings

In a sense, a good Opposites Attract serves to turn two incomplete people into one solid force. If they’re a battle couple, they’ll tend to fight very well together, often balancing force and finesse, melee and ranged, or physical and magical abilities. If the show or book has a lot of time dedicated to foils and character moments, they are more likely to be the ones that each other lean on, since their opposing characters makes them interesting to react off one another. Their roles, story arcs, and backstories tend to run opposite or parallel to one another depending on the series. If one character’s arc is to mature and become more responsible, likely their partner’s arc might be to learn to loosen up and have fun, learn to trust people, or to face a trauma in their past that made them so mature at a young age.

In terms of design, opposites attract partners tend to be inverse in color schemes. Light and dark hair or eyes, warm and cool color schemes, clashing or complimentary fashion styles, etc. The degree in opposition also varies. Some opposites attract look very similar with only a slight difference, indicating that something small is what set them on different paths in life but are otherwise very similar, almost as two sides of the same coin. Other couples are stark contrasts with virtually nothing in common to really emphasize their differences so that they can better make each other whole, as shown very literally through the character of Garnet in Steven Universe. 

Femme and Butch

While typically, you’re mostly going to see this in femmeslash/yuri pairings, this dynamic is actually fairly universal. This divide focuses on a pairing where each couple reflects the values of masculinity and femininity. Although mostly used as lesbian terms, a femme and butch pairing can also be gay or heterosexual. A fashion-loving twink who cries during romantic movies dating a jock who likes sports and drinks beer is still an example of Femme and Butch. Heterosexual is rather obvious, but can also be inversed, with a tough, assertive woman partnered with a sweet, sensitive man, such as Calhoun and Felix in Wreck-It Ralph. A Femme and Butch pairing doesn’t need to check off every box on this list of traits, but these traits tend to be common in these types of relationships.

Brains and Brawn

Also known as Jock and Nerd, this romantic dynamic prioritizes the usefulness of both intelligence and brute strength. Another variation is Book Smarts vs Street Smarts. The Brains will be good at doing research, organizing, and will tend to fight more strategically while the Brawn is primarily going to be good at fighting and likely protecting the Brains from serious harm. Princess and Bodyguard is another possible example of this dynamic, albeit a little less directly.

Hot and Cold

Hot or Warm characters tend to be friendly, outgoing, upbeat, loudmouthed, temperamental, boisterous, and battle-ready. Cold or Cool personalities tend to be shy, calm, quiet, logical, reserved, serious, and emotionally withdrawn. However, while these extreme opposites of hot-head and cold-shoulder balance each other out, it’s worth discussing same heat relationships. Kiribaku is an example of a Hot/Warm relationship, as Bakugou Katsuki is an angry little spitfire with an aggressive streak, while Kirishima Eijirou is a happy-go-lucky sweetheart with a good attitude. This is sort of the same concept, just that both boys are on the warm side of the spectrum, with Kirishima being the cooler counter to Bakugou’s temperamental hot-head. This also works inversely, as the ship Tododeku is a Cold/Cool relationship. Midoriya is a shy, but upbeat young man who tends not to draw too much attention to himself, while Todoroki is stoic, logical, and a bit dense socially. In this case, Midoriya is Cool while Todoriki is Cold, with Midoriya serving as the “Hot” aspect of their relationship as the more friendly and outgoing of the two.  

Light and Shadow

This archetype is often used as a “opposite sides of the same coin” format, where the characters serve as foils to one another. In Teen Titans, Raven’s powers are dark and demonic, while Starfire’s are bright and extraterrestrial. Both girls get their powers from their emotions, but where Starfire revels in her emotions to make her powerful, Raven must suppress her emotions to retain control of her powers. As the only two girls, they stick out as the obvious foils of the group. Many times, when this trope appears, it’s in the form of Classic Paragon Hero vs Cynical Anti-Hero. Superman and Batman are a great example. Superman is a boyscout token good guy, while Batman is a brooding loner. One is the hope for justice and goodness to always triumph while the other acknowledges that people are flawed, and maybe not everyone deserves to be saved. Naruto is interesting because he has two dark reflections. The first is Sasuke. While Naruto is the golden-haired idealist who befriends villains almost as often as Steven Universe, Sasuke is a dark counter consumed by a thirst for vengeance and the power to exact it. Naruto’s other dark counter however is Gaara. Both are Jinchuriki, but whereas Naruto eventually found friends and love in his fellow genin, Gaara was very much still alone when he met Naruto, reflecting what Naruto could have become without that love and support in this life.

Protagonist and Rival

Another case of “two sides of the same coin”, most anime protagonists and their rival tend to either have very similar backstories, very similar motivations, or very similar personalities, if not some combination of the three. Both Naruto and Sasuke were abandoned in the world at a young age with the Hokage looking out for them from afar. Naruto started off having nobody, and was always reaching out hoping to connect with anyone. Meanwhile, Sasuke started with a family and lost it, and decided to keep everyone at arm’s length and isolate himself further. Rin Okumura and Ryuji Suguro are practically the same person. Both lost their families and homes due to Satan, both are strong-willed loudmouthed tough guys with a knack for leadership, and both share the goal of killing Satan. Natsu Dragneel is immature and battle-ready, but while Grey Fullbuster at least pretends to be above it, he’ll jump into a fight with Natsu practically unprompted. The main appeal of the anime protagonist and his rival is that they push each other to succeed, often coming from very similar roots, but where they end up is entirely up to the effort they put in and the path they choose to take. They both refuse to lose to each other, and that propells them to constantly want to out-do each other.

Sweet and Sour

My best friend and I are polar opposites in this sense. When we met, she was far too trusting, submissive, and far too forgiving. Meanwhile, I was a lot more cynical, mean-spirited, and unfortunately, a little more closed-minded than I’d like to admit. After five years of friendship, my friend is far more assertive, has a lot more confidence in herself, is a lot better at handling criticism, and rather than just submitting in an argument, she now has the nerve to get in someone’s face and make her point heard. Because of her, I’ve become less stand-offish, more patient and polite, less of a control freak, more aware of valuing other people’s emotions, and more tolerant of a group I hadn’t realized I’d been intolerant toward. We saw the world in such distinctly different ways that we have managed to rub off on each other, and now we’re both such stronger and more complete people for having known each other.

Serious and Goofball

A classic comedy duo, the comedian and the straight man. The Goofball character tends to be immature, a knucklehead, a jokester, and comes off as a bit inexperienced. Meanwhile, the Serious character tends to be mature, responsible, disciplined, but comes off as a bit aloof. The Goofball reminds the Serious character to have a little fun every once in a while, while the Serious character reins in the Goofball before they hurt themselves or somebody else.

Hero and Sidekick

The hero has their act together and the sidekick is just doing their best. This happens a lot in Action movies where the handsome tough guy and the hapless damsel (who he kidnaps a little too often for my liking) is just kind of along for the ride. The two live in entirely different worlds. Sometimes this comes in the variant of Starlet and Manager where one in the relationship takes center stage while the other is content to help them run their life, promote their career, and help them. Another variation is Superstar and Random Extra, wherein one person leads a very visible life in the public eye being adored by millions of fans while their partner works 9-5 in an office dealing with insurance claims. Although they coe from very different worlds and lead very different lives, that doesn’t mean they still haven’t found love in an unlikely place. Often, the reason the hero or big shot loves this random nobody is because they fell in love with them before they ever became famous, or they didn’t know/care who the celebrity was and just liked them as a person without interest in using their celebrity to climb the social ladder.

Loud and Quiet

She’s quirky, outgoing, bubbly, energetic, and talkative. Too talkative. She never shuts up. He’s quiet, simple, down-to-earth, and calm. Too Calm. He never gets excited. This pairing works to push and pull each other until they’ve harmonized. The Quiet one will be pulled out of their shell and learn to be more open and talkative, while the Loud one will learn to think before they act. This couple is divided along lines of Introversion and Extroversion, and together can navigate the anxiety-triggering unease of a social gathering, and finding joy and pleasure in just enjoying each other’s company without needing to fill the silence with pointless chatter.

To be fair, many Opposites Attract couples will fit into more than one of these archetypes, and there’s probably more I didn’t list. But if you’re wanting to create a couple that balances each other out, I hope you find this helpful to you in your writing.

[secretgamergirl]

RPG Campaign Setting Thoughts - The Origins of Magic

Previous entries in this series of posts:

The Planes

Alignment, Death, and Outsiders

The Actual, You Know, Setting

Today’s topic is something I think should really be the biggest preoccupation of any RPG campaign setting where it’s a concern, but one that most seem to gloss right over- Where the hell did all these spell casters come from? While I’m at it, I have officially decided that if I get a book out for all this, I’m going to include 4 PC classes (in addition to compatibility with all the existing options out there), covering the basics of Standard Party Composition and filling in some setting gaps here. Swashbuckler for a fighter type (never been happy with Paizo’s take on finesse-y fighters, might call it something else), single-school-focus wizards (gonna have to bust out the thesaurus for an unused name), divine casters who allow themselves to be possessed by agents of their deity (will likely come out like some kinda variant druid as a result), and something for the general rogue/bard 4th slot that’s a bit different that I’m tentatively calling The Party Mom Class.

Anyway, on with the magic origins. As I’ve already largely established, I think, most deities don’t really hold any direct sway over the prime material plane, and physical manifestation type stuff isn’t a thing. Divine casters of course open the door for all kinds of stuff, but you need to learn how to pray to your deity first, so as kind of a weird quirk I guess, every tradition of divine casters here is inherently rooted in arcane casters working out the whole astral projection thing, or people coming back from the dead having learned some things out there. The core deity list is something I’d really like to get some creative input on from practitioners of actual pantheistic religions, but I definitely want to get into the first follower of each once I get to listing them out, and how they came to be such.

So OK. Clerics come after wizards, but with wizards, there’s two things to worry about. They need some existing magic in the world to study, and they need a real good in-world reason to draw sharp divisions between different schools of magic. Well, OK NEED is a strong word. You could pretty much just merge everything together with no effect beyond it being a lot easier to look up spells by level and drop the whole school thing with little to no consequence, but I LIKE schools, so I need to rationalize them.

So my thinking is, every school of magic originally started as literally a different school, isolated from the others in a different part of the world, coming at the whole “magic” thing from a different angle. And this of course all only really applies to STUDIED magic. The whole concept of the prime material plane being painted with the inner planes used as a palette, coupled with the inner planes being inhabited just inherently means you’re going to have elementals and genies around from the beginning of time, along with dragons. And while I am writing out the whole concept of half-orcs and half-elves, all bets are off for people like ifrits and oreads and tieflings, so sorcerers are also going to be in play well before wizards.

So really, let me just put together a rough timeline on all things magic here:

Deities have just always been out there, with various outsiders forming as deaths happen and so on.

Elementals and anything else from the inner planes, while rare, have always been hanging out on the prime material, with half-mortal children following as soon as other creatures hit the table, really.

Dragons were probably one of the first types of creature to be created in the world, linnorms especially. And again, there’s some innate magic to them plus plenty of capacity for half-dragon children.

The first spellcasting class to really come about in the world though is going to be oracles. Oracles just happen after all. Mysterious circumstances of birth, ties to the great mysterious magic of the wold, no real teachers or questing or heritage involved. They’re rare though.

Sorcerers are next to hit the scene, because hey, after a few generations those half-genies and half-dragons are going to dilute down to bloodlines. Bloodragers come in at the same time, two sides of the same coin and I see it.

I’d go one further too and say all of the above predate even the basics of civilization. Which you do need at least a bit of to really get the ball rolling on the rest of the classes.

Druids come in next. A long secretive tradition of just trying to study and worship the natural world around them without bringing in any expectations, secretive order though, so they keep what they know to themselves. The more learned druids are probably going to work out some notion that there’s an afterlife thanks to reincarnate being a spell and all, but I don’t really see any other religious beliefs splintering off there. Just a weird thing to not think too hard about while you get used to being a dwarf woman or a boar or something

The first proper schools of magic I see springing up as people really start to settle down and invent systems of writing and social structures allowing for dedicated scholars are Evocation and Transmutation. Likely founded close enough together in terms of the actual date, but far enough away that nobody can really conclusively sort out the various calendars or lack thereof and be certain which came first. You’ve got raw elemental forces clearly evident as something magical because, again, elementals on the prime material plane are absolutely a thing, someone’s going to try to pin down how they work. Elves are out there routinely having their Doctor Who regenerations, along with the odd druid wildshaping, so, changing things around is equally likely to be stumbled across.

Alchemy begins as a tradition sometime after these, largely born out of a movement of skeptics seeing some of these early evokers and transmuters, trying to recreate what they do, maybe swiping some glances at spellbooks. Potions and recipes for them inherently spread around the world a bit faster than a bunch of nerds filling libraries in budding schools, too.

Next up, Necromancy. If humanity as a whole has people who can manipulate the elements, and make changes to people’s bodies out there, someone’s going to get it into their head to go all Full Metal Alchemist and work out exactly what’s so different about a living creature than a rock or something, and start some pretty depraved experimentation. Probably really focused on poisons and diseases at first, eventually getting some handle on the whole notion of souls and alternate forces that can animate a body, and eventually working up to the real serious game changer that is astral projection, and getting a handle on the whole notion of the outer planes.

One of the first proper divine casters is going to come along real shortly thereafter when some necromancer makes a new friend out there... and probably one of the nastier ones too. Like, when I have a pantheon nailed down and need to have a real proper “this is just the WORST deity who needs to seriously be fought against, probably the first to make contact with humanity.

So now we have this divine class I’m working on, followed shortly by clerics. And evil outsiders possessing people and corpses and generally making things less than great, along with giving the whole school of necromancy kind of a bad name for opening that up.

Tieflings naturally follow, and some more bloodlines of course.

Enchantment is the next school to be founded, because we have all these outsiders around now to give examples of how charms and profane gifts and such work to use as a model.

Illusion follows, kind of a parallel development, again, there’s a lot to learn from studying evil outsiders.

At this point in the history of the world, magic is going to have a pretty bad reputation in general, but hey, fight fire with fire, right?

Next out the gate though is bards and skalds. There’s 5 schools of magic out there in the world, so naturally you’re going to have people trying to pay them all a visit, learn a few handy tricks, pick up a lot of other esoteric knowledge as they go, and tell a good story. This also helps really spread the whole magic notion to any parts of the world who haven’t been paying it much attention.

So, the other schools are going to all spring up in bursts, as new eyes get on the whole magic concept. Abjuration to try and avoid dealing with the dangers of other forms of magic (and consequently, one with very few pure practitioners, nice to know at least a few other spells to know how to counter them). Conjuration largely as a fusion of the theories behind Necromancer and Evocation to see what can be pulled out of these other planes without the nastier baggage. Divination largely as a means of working out what’s up out there, and Psychic magic as a sort of alternate take on the whole thing, building up inner strength against these things, tied to monks culturally.

Other religious practices and paths to power are going to spring up along the way, fuzzier to pin down what crops out when without a full pantheon nailed down or major nations of the world. Shamans are probably about as old as druids, similar mindset involved. Witches probably crop up shortly after learning about some of the more powerful outsiders, with experimentation on how to get in touch with such without all the possession and astral projection and so on, and informed by some of the more naturalistic magic practices.

And while I do like the concept of the world’s first interaction with divine powers being on the grimdark side, I would think the rest of the pantheon would get in touch with people pretty soon after. Plenty of other necromancers to astrally project, learn what else is out there, make contact with other deities and outsiders. Divination is another gateway. Religious traditions that don’t involve spell-granting deities are going to precede all of this, and some practicioners on learning about this class I’m creating are probably going to try going receptive on blind faith, getting in touch with outsiders with similar sensibilities.

Then as we get closer to the present day of course, the trade in magic bards got started is going to get books on at least the basics propagating all over the world beyond these few founding schools so regular ol’ wizards with a full range of spells are now the most common by far, magi pick up enough to pair with swords. Arcanists to really go all turbo-nerd and try to break down theoretical fundamentals underpinning everything. Churches get big and militant enough for paladins, inquisitors, war priests. Anything I’m forgetting here?

Oh, and ironically enough, the creator god I’m calling Brin as a placeholder, despite having the most obvious visible impact on the world from the dawn of time is one of the last to really get a formal church. They don’t need mortal agents to influence things, they don’t have any reason to care what happens with anyone’s souls, and they aren’t based out in the outer planes, Really they’re a bit like Paizo’s Groetus in terms of ”why would anyone pick you to formally worship?”

[nottodaylogic]

like, reblog, follow

Summary: It’s the social media AU you never wanted but got anyway! Starring: Roman, a writer gay! Virgil, an artist gay! Logan, a aesthetic/edit/headcanon/not-really-sure gay! Patton, a crafts gay! Continuity? Who’s she? Never heard of her. All we have is fluffy gays and bad attempts at everything else.

Word count: 19784 (THE LONGEST THING IVE EVER WRITTEN WOW)

Warnings: Gratuitous musical references, especially Be More Chill and Falsettos because they're my favorites and I'm trash, basic knowledge of them might be required? Also spoilers for Parks and Rec if anyone’s watching that right now, that happened apparently. Unrealistic depictions of online interactions/dating, probably. Panicking. Disappearing from the Internet. And, of course, lots of gay.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745062 (Ao3 deleted my formatting, words can’t do describe my annoyance, I’ll fix it later)

Ships: Prinxiety, Logicality, platonic lamp (every form, not gonna even try)

A/N: Well, we made it. I am happy (and relieved) to finally post this. This is my Big Bang ( @ts-storytime ) fic! It’s a weird format because my dream of making a Social Media AU has finally been realized. This is rEALLY LONG because I am a dumb child and thought, “it won’t be that bad!” It is. It is that bad.

My artist is @hghrules , they are fantastic, I’ll post a link to their part later! 

...later has become now, I’m screaming, https://hghrules.tumblr.com/post/177446248126/what-up-heres-my-ts-storytime-art-for check it outttt!

Virgil’s photos were taken by my amazing friend, she has an Instagram at @tofushoes_photography, if you like the photos please consider following her! 

And without further ado, let’s start this thing!

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces.tumblr.com

Princey!

Greetings, fair citizens! Thou mayest address me as Princey! I draw occasionally, as well as writing quite often. I am the gayest of the gay, forget this not!

———————

Logicallylo.tumblr.com

Logic.

Salutations. I am Logic, Lo if we are friends. He/him pronouns please, asexual homoromantic.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart.tumblr.com

99% anxiety, 1% mess

call me anxiety, or anx if you want. i draw. i’m a socially awkward mess. that’s all.

———————

Pattonhead.tumblr.com

Your happy pappy Pat!

Hiya, kiddos! I’m Pat, and I love puns, cute animals, and crafts! He/him, feeling ace pantastic as pawssible!!  Feel free to chat! :D

———————

Starbound-big-bang posted: After months of writers writing, artists preparing, and general anticipating, the writer/artist matchups have been made! Writers, show the artists everything you have so they can start. Artists, you can make as much or as little art as you like, but make sure it’s something you’d appreciate for 6 months of work.

Have fun!

1. @Veerleft — @perisureimace 2. @boundinboundinnrollin — @vectnxaer 3. @awkwardkitty — @veertrash 4. @disneynbroadwaynprinces — @anxiousanxietyart 5. @veertrash71 — @ilovegayrehearsal 6. @pastapastadad — @booksnstuff 7. @mewmewmew — @read-write-water 8. @mostlyhamilton — @drawing-n-art 9. @owlsareawesome — @becky-becca 10. @thefandomlife — @casey

Read more

———————

Anonymous asked: Hey, Princey! Oh my gosh I love your art??? And your fics are fantastic aahh???? Especially your collabs with LogicallyLo? How did you two meet?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: Thank you most kindly, Anon! Thou hast earned shiny Internet Golden Points! ‘Tis a long, thrilling tale, full of magic and danger! @logicallylo and I met when I rescued him from a vicious—

L: We’re brothers. That is the extent of the tale. Princey is exaggerating. As always. He is quite incorrigible.

P: You take the drama out of everything, dear Lo.

L: As the elder brother, it is my job.

P:  ANYWAYS, I introduced him to Starbound after listening to the musical soundtrack, and we read the books together. We became quite obsessed.

L: I also beta his fics. That is what brothers are for: so that they don’t make foolish spelling mistakes.

P: I do not?? Rude????

L: Sure. Lie to the Internet.

P: Everyone makes mistakes with these things!

L: I don’t.

P: October 24th, 20XX?

L: We agreed to never speak of this again. Thank you for asking, Anon.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: Greetings, Bounders! I humbly beg forgiveness for lack of content lately. I can, however, promise that that will change, very soon. No exact date yet, but keep your eyes peeled!

Veerleft replied: Dark Princey show us the Veer angst

Perisureimace replied: Ooh, can’t wait!

Veertrash71 replied: You literally posted a doodle yesterday. It hasn’t been that long…

———————

Anonymous asked: Hey there Princey! I really love your art, but I was wondering: what the heckety heck is Starbound? Thanks!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: Greetings, Nonny! Welcome to the Starbound fandom! We have red space gelatin and canon gays. Allow me to explain:

Starbound is a book-series-turned-musical-turned-almost-TV-show about space exploration and aliens with no concept of the gender binary. The cast of characters includes the protagonist, Peri, a part-human ace child who can kick some serious butt. There is also Vect, the bi/pan/is it bi if it’s in space/who even knows anymore disaster mechanic with some blaster talent. He used to date Peri, but now they’re the best platonic buds around. There’s also Xaer (Xay-eer), a pan cinnamon roll genderqueer fashion extraordinaire who has never even heard of the gender binary, zey are amazing and I love zem.

Veer is the ship Vect/Xaer. Need I say more? They are heavily coded gay and canonically queer, so it’s only a matter of time, I say.

To say any more would spoil stuff, so go read the books and listen to the musical and avoid the movie like the Black Plague and wait for Starbound: Awaken and the TV show while writing 50 tons of Veer fanfic like the rest of us!

———————

Pattonhead: Heya, Logic! I saw your concept art for a Murder Mystery Detectives Veer AU, and I was intrigued! I’m not that good at drawin’, but maybe I could make something? Or maybe just talk about it?

Logicallylo: Salutations, Pat. Please, call me Lo. Feel free to do whatever you like with my AUs, so long as you tag me in the finished product.

Pattonhead: Aw, thanks, Lo!

Logicallylo: You are very welcome. It is my pleasure.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Stop pondering the meaning of life and come eat dinner, nerd!

Logicallylo: On my way, prep.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know, you could have just typed omw?

Logicallylo: MYOB.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No one says that anymore

Logicallylo: MYOB.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Greetings, Anxiety! It has come to my attention that we have been paired up for the Starbound Big Bang!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I am Princey, it is a pleasure to meet you.

Anxiousanxietyart: umm… hi, Princey?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hello! Do you happen to have a Google Docs? I can share what I have with you so you can begin to do your drawing thing!

Anxiousanxietyart: um, yeah.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Splendid! Here’s the link: XXXXXXXXX

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Here’s to working with you, Anxiety!

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: patton why did i let you convince me to do this big bang thing, i had to meet a new person, why

Pattonhead: Now, kiddo, it’s just one new person. That’s progress! I’m really proud of you!

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, i guess?

Pattonhead: You have a lot of love to give, my child.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...okaaay then?

Pattonhead: You know I love you, you majestic and amazing sea otter giraffe, you.

Anxiousanxietyart: sea otter giraffe? that’s a new one

Pattonhead: ssh child sleep now

Anxiousanxietyart: ...it’s 2 pm

Pattonhead: s s h c h i l d s l e e p n o w :)

Anxiousanxietyart: ...okay then

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: P: So, recently, my good ol’ bro @logicallylo was an idiot, and he might have thrown his computer at a wall. It’s broken now. So he’ll be using mine for now. Because of this inconvenience, I have decided to take this opportunity to make it into a bonding excercise!

L: Bonding excercise?

P: Yes, just go with it Supernerd!

L: Essentially, you may now ask me and Princey questions, and we will answer them to the best of our ability.

P: So let’s do this thing!

———————

Anonymous asked: Are you two twins! Who’s older?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: L: I am the elder, and yes, we are twins.

P: But I’m taller!

L: Tallness has nothing to do with it. I’m older, I have always been older, I will always be older.

P: Sure, shortie.

———————

Veerleft asked: What’s your favorite Starbound book?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: P: TAKE OFF! It’s really fantastic, and very gay.

L: For once, I must agree with my brother. Yes, Take Off is the best, objectively.

———————

Perisureimace asked: Any pets?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: P: Verily!

L: ...verily?

P: Just roll with it. I have plans to procure a hamster, and will post a poll for names soon!

L: No pets here.

———————

Anonymous asked: Lo, what’s your favorite book? Princey, what’s your favorite musical?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces answered: P: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOW CAN I CHOOSE?! uMMMMMMMMM I’M REALLY INTO BE MORE CHILL RIGHT NOW, AND SINCE I’M IN A PRODUCTION OF FALSETTOS, THAT TOO?? YOU ARE TRULY EVIL ANON

L: I could not possibly pick one favorite book. There are simply too many to pick. That being said, I would be morally obligated to say that I am quite fond of detective novels, such as Sherlock Holmes and The Murder of Roger Ackwood.

P: ...that all could have been said in about 6 times less words…

L: Perhaps. However, unlike you, I prefer to use a great many words, as it shows my infinitesimal knowledge.

P: mhmm. Sure.

L: What does that mean?

P: oh, nothing! Nothing at all!

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: L: I have now procured a computer. You need not send any more questions, but thank you for the previous ones.

P: This was very fun! I thank you all most kindly, young Padawans!

———————

Anxiousanxietyart posted a photo: this is just a sketch i made. i was listening to silhouette by owl city and angst happened. i’m sorry in advance.

Veertrash71 replied: Wow I didn’t need my heart???

Veerleft replied: Why would you do this Anxietyyyyyyyy

———————

Pattonhead: Virge? You doin’ ok, kiddo?

Anxiousanxietyart: yeah, i’m fine, why?

Pattonhead: Just checkin’ in. Love you <3

Anxiousanxietyart: love you too <3

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yo, Anx!

Anxiousanxietyart: um, what’s happening?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So, my dude, if we are to work together for the Big Bang, we should know some more things about each other.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...okaaayyy?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Soooooooooo:

Anxiousanxietyart: sooooooooo?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Twentyyyy questionsssss!

Anxiousanxietyart: what.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know, twenty questions!

Anxiousanxietyart: how does guessing objects help to get to know a person?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What?

Anxiousanxietyart: what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No, I ask you a question about yourself, you answer, you ask me a question, and so on!

Anxiousanxietyart: ...i think we’re thinking of two different games here.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No kidding, Sir Glooms-a-lot

Anxiousanxietyart: what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It seemed to fit.

Anxiousanxietyart: well, you know me well enough if it seemed to fit. guess we don’t need to do the question thing.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No, we’re doing this!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’ll start us off:

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What’s your favorite color?

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Anxiousanxietyart: really?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes really!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Mine is red, specifically stage curtain red, although gold is suitably regal as well. What is your answer?

Anxiousanxietyart: um

Anxiousanxietyart: i like purple.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ah, purple! The color of kings!

Anxiousanxietyart: also black.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Let me guess, like your soul?

Anxiousanxietyart: no

Anxiousanxietyart: like the void where my soul would reside, if i were to still have one.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: …

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ooookaayyy. I asked for it.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Now you ask!

Anxiousanxietyart: are you bored or something?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: MASSIVELY.

Anxiousanxietyart: sorry, gotta go help out pat with something.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh, okay. See you later

Anxiousanxietyart: bye

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Can we do something? I’m really bored aahhh

Logicallylo: Could you bother someone else?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Anxiety left, and everyone else is offline, and my theatre friends are sick or busy

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Help me Logi-Wan Kenobi

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You’re my only hope

Logicallylo: Very well. Would you like to meet me in the kitchen?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: YES! 

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: did i mess it all up?

Pattonhead: Oh, kiddo.

Pattonhead: You didn’t mess anything up! You’re a sweet summer child and you could never mess anything up!

Anxiousanxietyart: i feel like i made him hate me. how could he not hate me after that?

Anxiousanxietyart:

why am i such a mess, patton?

Pattonhead: You just need to talk to him! Explain yourself! 

Pattonhead: And you’re not a mess! You’re Virgil Brava. You are an amazing, kind, loving person, and if you say one more self-deprecating thing I will physically fight you <3

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, pat. love you.

Pattonhead: Love you too <33

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: hey

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Greetings!

Anxiousanxietyart: sorry

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What for?

Anxiousanxietyart: it’s just

Anxiousanxietyart: i feel like we got off on the wrong foot, and i definitely should have phrased needing to go help feed the pets better, and i’ve been thinking about this slightly obsessively all day, and i

Anxiousanxietyart: i just felt like i owed you an apology or something.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hey, no biggie! Lo and I figured out how NOT to make cookies and instead make a huge mess of flour fight residue, so no harm done!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: (except to the kitchen. rip kitchen.)

Anxiousanxietyart: haha, thanks.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No problem.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I have to go now, but maybe we can finish 20 questions later?

Anxiousanxietyart: i’d love to.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: @logicallylo Trade-off poetry, go!

Logicallylo replied: I

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Saw

Logicallylo replied: It

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: In

Logicallylo replied: The

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Window

Logicallylo replied: And

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I

Logicallylo replied: Couldn’t

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Dismiss

Anxiousanxietyart replied: ...you guys are literally quoting bmc.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: ;)

Logicallylo replied: Wow.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: princey. you are the biggest nerd I’ve ever known, and i know lo.

Logicallylo replied: …he has a point.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Betrayal!! How could you do this?! I trusted you!!!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: do you know me.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:   You know BMC?!

Anxiousanxietyart: duh.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:   I can’t get any of my friends into it for some reason!

Anxiousanxietyart: maybe because “listen to this musical! it’s about a guy who takes a computer pill to boost his self-esteem but it takes over the school” is hard to promote?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: …a fair point to you.

Anxiousanxietyart: also, you have friends?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:   RUDE. Who else would put on Falsettos with me in a few weeks?

Anxiousanxietyart: who are you? jason?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ha ha, no. Too tall to be 13.

Anxiousanxietyart: maybe marvin, then. you’re self-obsessed enough, if nothing else.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Marvin is a wonderfully well-developed character, shush.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And I’m Whizzer!

Anxiousanxietyart: the one with the worst name.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Mendel. Weisenbachfeld.

Anxiousanxietyart: true.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Who would you play?

Anxiousanxietyart: trina. i’m always breaking down, it’d be easy.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I knew you were a (Michael) Well Of Despair, but no need for theatrics! Don’t say such things!

Anxiousanxietyart: we’re discussing musicals. with you, most dramatic of dramatic. theatrics are a given.

Anxiousanxietyart: also, too late :)))

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Nooooo! I’m forbidding you from saying bad things about yourself!

Anxiousanxietyart: you sound like pat.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Darn right I do! From now on, every time you say something bad about yourself, you have to come up with at least 3 good things.

Anxiousanxietyart: and if i don’t…?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’ll tell Pat and he’ll fight you. Heck, I’ll fight you!

Anxiousanxietyart: you couldn’t beat me in a fistfight. you’re too small.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces! Square up cutie, I have a black belt in karate and I’m not afraid to use it!

Anxiousanxietyart: hmm. really.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: does princey have a black belt in karate?

Logicallylo: Well, brown belt black stripe, so technically no. Why do you ask?

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, specs

Logicallylo: You are welcome, Eyeshadow^3

Anxiousanxietyart: …umm you should… probably work on your nicknames

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: you liar.

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: BETRAYAL! The karate studio closed the week before I was to get my black belt!

Anxiousanxietyart: details, details…

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: After I go fight Lo, wHO WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET HIS BELT BEFORE IT CLOSED, you’re next.

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m terrified. you’re so fierce.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Heck yeah I am!

Anxiousanxietyart: i was being sarcastic.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: rude.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted a photo: [photo] BEHOLD THE AS-OF-YET-UNNAMED HEIR TO THE KINGDOM, PRINCE HAMSTER! Help vote on his name! Here are the top cantidades as of right now: - Evan Hamsen - Alexander Hamsterton - Jeremy Heerester - Mendel Weisenbachham - Why do so many musical characters have last names with the first letter H? Opinions?

Veertrash71 replied: ALEXANDER HAMSTERTON

Logicallylo replied: You are not naming your hamster any of those.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Watch me.

Pattonhead replied: All these names are really ham-tastic!

Logicallylo replied: ...stop.

Pattonhead replied: :) no

Anxiousanxietyart replied: these are all simultaneously terrible and amazing. how.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: You all still have to VOTE…

Logicallylo replied: All of them are terrible.

Pattonhead replied: All of them are wonderful!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: nah.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: You are all the worst. I guess Alexander Hamsterton it is.

Veertrash71 replied: :D

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Thank you, Pat, for your help with finding hamster puns!

Pattonhead: My purr-leasure! :3

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Do you happen to have any more?

Pattonhead: Fur sure! Coming right ruff! :D

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m sure Lo would love for you to send him puns… :)

Pattonhead: Ooh that’s a pawsitively wonderful idea!

———————

Pattonhead: Fur reals, we need to talk more!

Logicallylo: …did you mean to send this to me?

Pattonhead: Yep, purr-etty sure you are the one :)

Logicallylo: I don’t like puns… why?

Pattonhead: Are you suuuure? That seems like a ruff decision to make.

Logicallylo: …

Logicallylo: Very sure.

Pattonhead: I coulda sworn you liked them… guess I was wrong…

Logicallylo: I am the wrong target for this. You are barking up the wrong tree.

Pattonhead: …

Logicallylo: Oh no.

Pattonhead: you mADE A PUN!!!!!!!!!!

Logicallylo: Unintentionally! This means nothing!

Pattonhead: I will get you to make more puns if it’s the last thing I do!

Logicallylo: We shall see.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: patton.

Pattonhead: Yes?

Anxiousanxietyart: you’re flirting.

Pattonhead: No?? I’m not???

Anxiousanxietyart: yes you were.

Pattonhead: What?

Anxiousanxietyart: never did I ever think I would see the day

Anxiousanxietyart: that Patton Spider

Anxiousanxietyart: my best friend and roommate

Anxiousanxietyart: flirts with someone

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m shocked.

Pattonhead: Who would I have possibly flirted with?

Anxiousanxietyart: with lo, of course.

Pattonhead: ...oh.

Pattonhead: Well, I wasn’t flirting with him!

Anxiousanxietyart: i saw your messages. that was flirting.

Pattonhead: ...you can’t prove anything!

Anxiousanxietyart: mm hmm. anyways, come over here. i have cookie dough. wanna make chocolate chip?

Pattonhead: Virgil. I love you so much. You know me so well!

Anxiousanxietyart: love you too pat.

———————

Pattonhead posted an image: Chocolate chip cookies with the best best friend in the world! <3 @anxiousanxietyart deserves the world and I’d give it to him if I could and he helped me make these so at least I can give him half of these cookies!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: no, you’re the best best friend in the galaxy, pat.

Pattonhead replied: I love you more than the stars and moons and universes.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: ...you win this time

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Those look really good??? I want one????

Anxiousanxietyart replied: too bad, princey :)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: whyyyyy

Anxiousanxietyart replied: :)

Pattonhead replied: Now, now, kiddos, be nice.

Logicallylo replied: Those do indeed look quite delicious, Pat.

Pattonhead replied: Aww, thanks Lo! :3

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Is that what you call flirting Logan?

Logicallylo: Shut up.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wrote a bit on the fic, check it out!

Anxiousanxietyart: um, okay.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: hey, so one question.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Bring it!

Anxiousanxietyart: did. you. make. a. little. mermaid. au???

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes, duh!

Anxiousanxietyart: ...well, if nothing else, it will be fun to draw.

Anxiousanxietyart: that being said, why.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It was fun! Also it fit really well! Thou mayest judge me, but that will be your loss!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Also, since I find the most plot holes (read: any) of any Disney movie in it, it is my sacred duty to fix them in this fic.

Anxiousanxietyart: i mean, it’s a good idea?????? it’s just not what i was expecting is all

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But of course, doing what others expect is not the Roman way!

Anxiousanxietyart: roman?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...Logan’ll kill me

Anxiousanxietyart: logan???

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Curse my loose lips! Ah look at that, tis time to leave! Places to be...

Anxiousanxietyart: your name... is roman?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...yes...

Anxiousanxietyart: that's a pretty name

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You think so?

Anxiousanxietyart: yeah

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: well, thanks, Anx.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...do i need to say my name? is that how it works?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No! You don’t have to!

Anxiousanxietyart: okay.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...maybe later, who knows.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: !!!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Of course, it’s only if you want to! It’s your decision!

Anxiousanxietyart: gtg, bye

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Goodbye, Anx.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Uhh, Logan? I think I did a mistake.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Logicallylo: Roman. You are an idiot.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I knoooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What do I do now?

Logicallylo: Do I need to give you the Stranger Danger talk?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Please don’t.

Logicallylo: I won’t, but only because it would be more effective to tell you in person.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ughhhhhhhhh fiiiineeeeeeee. I know I deserve it. Kinda.

Logicallylo: ‘Kinda’?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Absolutely deserve it.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But he’s not a creepy stalker! He’s Anx!

Logicallylo: “Anx” could be a front in order to lure disaster gays to meeting with him in order to murder you or eat you or something.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: EAT me? Now, I know I seem delicious, but that seems just bizarre. I thought I was the creative one here!

Logicallylo: Oy vey.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And fear not, I will not be meeting with him anytime soon, if ever. Besides, there are possibly many Romans in this world, much less the US!

Logicallylo: That does seem reasonably logical… However, be careful. You never know what people’s motives are on the Internet.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yeah, alright.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And now…

Logicallylo: Roman. What are you doing.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ;)

Logicallylo: You are going to die.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Live a little, Logan!

Logicallylo: You can’t do if you’re dead.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:

Why.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: PAT! COME HITHER AT ONCE!

Pattonhead: Yes Princey?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Thou mayest call me Roman now.

Pattonhead: Oh okay!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And do you perchance like hamsters?

Pattonhead: All pets are valid!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Boom.

Pattonhead: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE’S SO ADORABLKESJVABFHRSIHVIUHSDFIGJIRSTJHBG

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I know :)

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Your crush knows my name now.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Logicallylo: First of all, he is not my crush. I have no crush. I am unfeeling.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Nice try to the person who’s known you since you were sobbing because you lost your stuffed bee.

Logicallylo: I’m going to ignore that.

Logicallylo: Second of all, I hope I don’t have to explain to you why that was a terrible idea and if you get murdered in your bed, I won’t mourn you.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Pat won’t murder me in my bed. He’s too soft.

Logicallylo: Oh I meant by me. Out of anger at your stupidity.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: …

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Point taken.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But don’t my brave actions inspire you to do something about your situation?

Logicallylo: No. Not really.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Talk. To. Him.

Logicallylo: Why would I do that?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because he’s a soft puffball and he likes you.

Logicallylo: No he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know me. And I don’t know him. He could very well be 80 years old and wishing to murder me.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Not romantically! Not yet, at least.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: He likes you as a person! That means the spark for romance is there!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Besides, this is Pat you’re talking about. Biggest-puffball-in-the-universe Pat. Are you aware of the words exiting your fingertips?

Logicallylo: Oy vey.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: tALK TO HIM! IT IS YOUR DESTINY!

Logicallylo: ...fine.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: HUZZAH!

Logicallylo: Only because I know you will pester me until I do.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know me too well.

Logicallylo: I. Am. Your. Brother.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:

Okay, Darth.

———————

Logicallylo: So.

Logicallylo: Hello, Pat.

Pattonhead: Hiya Lo! :D

Logicallylo: How has your day been going?

Pattonhead: It’s been pretty good so far! Yours?

Logicallylo: It has been satisfactory.

Pattonhead: That’s… good?

Logicallylo: It is.

Pattonhead: Yay!

Logicallylo: ...so, how’s the weather where you are?

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: The weather? Really?

Logicallylo: Why are you still here? Why are you looking over my shoulder? ...why are you messaging me instead of talking?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because I can.

Logicallylo: But why?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because I can.

Logicallylo: Ugh.

———————

Pattonhead: It’s raining a little, but I don’t mind! Virgil and I are havin’ a lil movie night!

Logicallylo: That sounds nice. What movie(s) are you watching?

Pattonhead: Well, I say movie night. I really mean we’re rerererewatching Parks and Rec for the 45th Time.

Logicallylo: I see.

Pattonhead: It’s a good show!

Logicallylo: It is indeed. Where are you at?

Pattonhead: Season 3 :)

Logicallylo: What’s your favorite character?

Pattonhead: WHY DO YOU MAKE ME MAKE THESE IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS LO?!?!

Logicallylo: Because I wish to know more about you.

Pattonhead: Oh.

Logicallylo: Yeah.

Pattonhead: Uhh, I would honestly die for Ann she is my child I love her

Pattonhead: Also Leslie in general? She’s just great?? AND tHE TRIPLETS!!!! I cried aah

Logicallylo: Ann is indeed a good character.

Pattonhead: :D

Logicallylo: Objectively, everything about Tom’s business strategies is terrible and ineffective and illogical. However, Roman appears to enjoy him to some extent, for what reasons I cannot fathom.

Logicallylo: Ron has earned my admiration, although the probability knowing how that happened is as unlikely as Mark Brendanawicz (how is his last name spelled again?) returning.

Pattonhead: Oh yeah I forgot about him! Aww I’m sorry now

Logicallylo: There is need to be. He was likely removed for a reason.

Pattonhead: Who’s your favorite character?

Logicallylo: …

Pattonhead: Hey, there’s no bad characters!

Logicallylo: ...while I do enjoy Ben (despite his infuriating refusals of perfectly logical job offers for Leslie, of all things), he is not my favorite character.

Pattonhead: Who is it? You can tell me!

Logicallylo: …

Logicallylo: Objectively, I respect the heck out of Jerry.

Pattonhead: That… is not what I was expecting.

Pattonhead: But Jerry is good too! He deserves love <3

Logicallylo: I agree, and when he got to be mayor it was quite satisfying.

Pattonhead: Virgil likes April, of course. He seems to find her relatable :)

Logicallylo: That makes sense.

Pattonhead: What about Roman?

Logicallylo: He is quite fond of “Treat yo self”, obviously.

Pattonhead: Ooh that’s good too!

Pattonhead: Oh! I gotta go now, Virgil’s looking at me weird.

Pattonhead: Talk to you later?

Logicallylo: Of course.

Pattonhead: YAY! See ya, Lo!

Logicallylo: ...Logan.

Pattonhead: ?

Logicallylo: You can call me Logan. That is my given name.

Pattonhead: Oh. I’m Patton!

Logicallylo: So your username is not a typo?

Pattonhead: Haha, nope! XD Night, Logan! <3

Logicallylo: Goodnight, Patton. I hope you sleep well.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: That went well ;)

Logicallylo: His name is Patton.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...you got his NAME?!

Logicallylo: His URL is a pun.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It wasn’t a typo?

Logicallylo: A self-referential pun.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Exactly your type, isn’t he?

Logicallylo: ...I am going away from you. I have no destination in mind. I simply need to exit your presence.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Rude.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wait, who the heckity heck five abs and a peck is Virgil?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Logan?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Didn't get that answer, huh?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ugh, nvm.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: patton, you’re not even paying attention.

Pattonhead: Sorry kiddo! I guess I’m a little distracted.

Anxiousanxietyart: there was a puppy onscreen. you didn't even look up, much less start screaming and crying as usual.

Pattonhead: ...a little distracted, that’s all.

Anxiousanxietyart: this isn’t distraction, this is straight up black magic.

Pattonhead: Kiddo, it’s you and me here. It cannot be straight up.

Anxiousanxietyart: true, but not the point.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...wait.

Pattonhead: What is it?

Anxiousanxietyart: you’ve been staring at your phone all night, smiling like

Anxiousanxietyart: ...oh.

Pattonhead: ??

Anxiousanxietyart: you’ve been talking to lo, haven’t you?

Pattonhead: ...yes, what about it?

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh Patton, you are not subtle at all.

Pattonhead: He messaged me, and we’ve been talking a lot, and he’s just really nice, that’s all!

Anxiousanxietyart: mm hmm…

Anxiousanxietyart: don’t lie. lying is wrong.

Pattonhead: I'm not lying!

Anxiousanxietyart: if you say so…

Pattonhead: I do say so!

Anxiousanxietyart: then come watch april be socially awkward and relateable in the corner

Pattonhead: Okay! :D

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wait, who the heckity heck five abs and a peck is Virgil?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Logan?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Didn't get that answer, huh?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ugh, nvm.

Anxiousanxietyart: ?!?!?!?!?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh, sorry Anx! I meant to send that to Logan.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...or logicallylo, since he seems to be telling everyone his name tonight.

Anxiousanxietyart: where the hell did you hear that name?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Uhh, while spying on my brother messaging with his crush, why?

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Anxiousanxietyart: no reason. i just know someone named virgil. that's all.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ah, okay.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So not because your name is Virgil?

Anxiousanxietyart: no

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m not a murderer, don’t worry. I will not use this information to find you and kill you.

Anxiousanxietyart: um.

Anxiousanxietyart: not reassuring.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What can I do to prove my identity?

Anxiousanxietyart: give me your full name? sell me your soul? sign an oath in blood that you are prince roman of singalongland?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: YOU might murder ME if I give you my full name, I already sold my soul, and how would you know it was my blood?

Anxiousanxietyart: you could take a video of you signing it?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: OF COURSE! A SELFIE!

Anxiousanxietyart: eww no.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: eWW YES!

Anxiousanxietyart: why.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You cannot dissuade me now! It is too late!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But you must take one too, so as to prove I’m not sending my beautiful visage to a random 80 year old man named Chuck.

Anxiousanxietyart: i… haven’t ever taken a selfie before… and i'm not a random 80 year old man named chuck...

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Well, I am a champ in the Great Selfie Game, so you may learn from a mASTER!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And I'll believe it when I see it, CHUCK.

Anxiousanxietyart: Okay, but until I see you, you can't prove you’re not an 80 year old woman named gertrude, so you have to go first.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m not an 80 year old woman named GERTRUDE!

Anxiousanxietyart: Whatever you say, gertrude.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Logan help me

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh wait you’re asleep

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So if I get murdered because of this, it’s your fault okay

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: For not stopping me I mean.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: patton help i don’t know how to selfie

Pattonhead: Kiddo, it’s late? I thought you were going to sleep now?

Anxiousanxietyart: sleep is for the weak.

Anxiousanxietyart: also, i might have promised roman a selfie…

Anxiousanxietyart: help.

Pattonhead: Why would you do that?

Anxiousanxietyart: i have a death wish

Pattonhead: KIDDO NO

Anxiousanxietyart: also because i'm weak and gay

Pattonhead: Don't talk bad about yourself!

Anxiousanxietyart: that’s not talking bad about myself…

Pattonhead: Anyways, I will help you with taking a selfie!

Anxiousanxietyart: Thanks, pat.

Pattonhead: Np! :D

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I HAVE RETURNED FROM TAKING THE SELFIE OF YOUR DREAMS AND AM READY TO RECEIVE THE SELFIE OF MINE!

Anxiousanxietyart: um. it’s hardly that.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Nonsense! I’m sure you look as fantastic as you are inside!

Anxiousanxietyart: uhh.

Anxiousanxietyart: can you go first?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Absolutely!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ta-da!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Feast upon my glorious visage!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...Virgil?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You there?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wow I can’t believe my stunning good looks actually killed a man

———————

Pattonhead: Kiddo, what was that thunk?

Anxiousanxietyart: i'm gay.

Pattonhead: Hi gay, I'm Patton!

Anxiousanxietyart: can you come here?

Pattonhead: We’re in the same room, Virge.

———————

"Patton please burn my phone I can't stand to see such magnificence."

"...I'm sorry, what?"

Virgil held up his phone, blushing furiously. There was the picture that had murdered him. The brown and green eyes that had captured him. The reddish brown hair that he wanted to run his hands through. The smirk on his face that he wanted to ki...

"If you ever cared about me, you will get rid of this picture of Roman so I can stop looking at it." His face was as red as Roman’s magnificent locks.

Patton looked smug. Too smug. "Sorry, kiddo, but nope."

"Dangit!"

Virgil fell over sideways on the bed, groaning, face flushing. Patton patted his head comfortingly.

Suddenly, Virgil shot up. “OH MY GOSH I NEVER RESPONDED!”

He lunged for his phone.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: you are really wow.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It took you 25 minutes to say that? My self esteem is pretty high already but wow, you could have warned me.

Anxiousanxietyart: no, like good wow.

Anxiousanxietyart: like stunning wow.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Thanks.

Anxiousanxietyart: i only speak the truth.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’d hope so!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Okay, Chuck, your turn?

Anxiousanxietyart: okay um so i’m not as pretty as you or anything or at all but um here you asked for it

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: i know i took like half an hour to respond but honestly please don’t.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Um

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wow

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You’re kind of really stellar, you know that?

Anxiousanxietyart: i most certainly am not!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You most certainly are! Beauty calls to beauty!

Anxiousanxietyart: wow.

———————

Roman gasped openly at the sight of such beauty, and didn't care if Logan heard him or not.

The purple and black hoodie covered part of the boy's face, but even in the dark room, Roman could still make out his utter splendor. His dark brown-black hair was dyed a brilliant purple, and it partially covered his eyes, which were a stunning indigo color. Black eyeshadow was smeared beneath them too carelessly to be truly careless. He had a small, almost shy smile on his face, and beneath the white foundation, were those...

"FRECKLES?!" He yelled in surprise and delight.

"ROMAN WHAT THE ACTUAL CROFTERS."

Oops.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So my brother is awake now.

Anxiousanxietyart: ???

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I screamed upon seeing you and woke him up.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oops.

Anxiousanxietyart: well there goes the last of my self esteem

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No, good scream! Very good scream!

Anxiousanxietyart: oh

Anxiousanxietyart: um

Anxiousanxietyart: okay

Anxiousanxietyart: wait what time is it for you?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Like 1 am-ish?

Anxiousanxietyart: same here, but go to hecking sleep!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Says you!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Fiiiiiiiine. But only to appease the angry monster of a brother woken from his (much-needed, if I may say so) beauty sleep.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Goodnight, Virgil. Sleep well.

Anxiousanxietyart: night, ro.

———————

Logicallylo: Why was I the only one to get any sleep last night?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me sleep

Logicallylo: You woke me up, I wake you up.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Why.

Logicallylo: Because I can. I believe the correct emoticon to use here would be “:)”

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You make me so proud, and yet so furious.

Logicallylo: :)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And now, LET ME SLEEP FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

Logicallylo: Sure. If you can.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: oh good lord.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: wHY ARE YOU PRACTICING THE CELLO AT 6 AM

Logicallylo: I shall not respond, for I am too busy playing the cello.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Uuuuughhhhhhhhh you’re evil. Evil.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: oh gosh what have i done

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Logicallylo: Why are you messaging me specifically with this? I play no part in this. I was asleep.

Anxiousanxietyart: because you have more common sense than anyone else i know.

Anxiousanxietyart: also, patton is asleep, and i’d rather die than wake him up.

Logicallylo: True.

Logicallylo: You were tired, I believe, and not thinking straight. Is that correct?

Anxiousanxietyart: i never think straight, lo.

Logicallylo: True. However, I did some research, and there are 81,875 people in the U.S. with the first name Virgil.

Anxiousanxietyart: how did you—you know what? never mind.

Logicallylo: I used logic. It was quite simple, but the fact that Roman has used the same password for his phone for 10 years helps.

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh.

Logicallylo: There are 6 time zones in the US, so 81,875 divided by 6 is approximately 13645.833 Virgils in this time zone, so the odds of a potential stalker finding you is very unlikely.

Logicallylo: Plus, I can vouch for Roman.

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: He’s sleeping on the couch right now. It is almost noon. He should not be sleeping. This is not promoting a healthy sleep schedule.

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, lo.

Logicallylo: Call me Logan.

Logicallylo: And you’re welcome.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...but warn me before you send me these images? i need time to prepare before another pic of roman?

Logicallylo: You mean this guy?

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: This boy right here?

Anxiousanxietyart: stooooooppppppppp

Anxiousanxietyart: i’d take a photo of patton in retaliation, but he’s asleep in the other room and i would rather be tortured in tartarus for all eternity than betray him.

Logicallylo: I see what’s happening here, Virgil.

Anxiousanxietyart: ???

Logicallylo: You cannot hide from logic and reason.

Anxiousanxietyart: yes i can.

Anxiousanxietyart: freakin watch me.

Logicallylo: Virgil. Why.

Anxiousanxietyart: because i’m in denial and i will run from my feelings forever

Logicallylo: That is not healthy, Virgil.

Anxiousanxietyart: well well well, look who’s a hypocrite.

Logicallylo: I do not run from my feelings! I simply do not have them.

Anxiousanxietyart: mm hmm. go message patton, then.

Logicallylo: That I will.

———————

Logicallylo: Salutations.

———————

Logicallylo: ...I have realized that he is asleep.

Anxiousanxietyart: yes.

Logicallylo: You knew this.

Anxiousanxietyart: yes.

Logicallylo: You said this multiple times.

Anxiousanxietyart: yes.

Logicallylo: Virgil Lastname.

Anxiousanxietyart: brava for you on your attempt at guessing.

Logicallylo: Honestly. Why.

Anxiousanxietyart: because it’s fun.

Logicallylo: You are evil.

Anxiousanxietyart: i know :)

———————

Logicallylo posted: I will now list all the reasons why a regular sleep schedule is necessary, and what not keeping one does to your body. @anxiousanxietyart and @disneynbroadwaynprinces will listen to every single reason, as payment for their crimes.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: you called me evil.

Logicallylo replied: Reason number one: sleep helps you think. Without sleep, you cannot think straight.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i have a few choice words to say about that reason, lo

Logicallylo replied: Hush, I am chiding you for your behavior.

———————

Pattonhead: Sorry Logan! I was asleep. How’s it goin?

Logicallylo: No need to apologize, Patton. It is going well here, how about you?

Pattonhead: I’m good! A wee bit tired, but that’s ok!

Pattonhead: Lolo look Khoshekh is on my legs aaaahhhhh???

Pattonhead: [image]

Logicallylo: I

Logicallylo: Um

Logicallylo: Who is Khoshekh, why did you take a picture of your whole body, how did you take a picture of your whole body when you’re not even holding the device?

Pattonhead: My cat! :3 Virge named him, of course!

Pattonhead: Virgil also offered to take the pic so he wouldn’t leave, haha!

Logicallylo: Ah, of course. I see.

———————

Logicallylo: Virgil, you evil, evil man.

Anxiousanxietyart: chaotic neutral baby :)

———————

Logan was in awe. The boy on the other end of the screen had light brown curly hair and glasses that made him look, somehow, even more adorable than he already was. He was blushing, and had freckles spanning across his entire face and neck. His eyes were the color of clear, clean, blue-green pool water. His grin radiated joy. Everything about him seemed alive alive alive.

Somehow, he was even more cute than the fluffy orange kitten on his lap.

Patton was absolutely stunning, and Logan could do nothing but sit there and attempt to control his heartbeat.

If he had had feelings before, this was nothing compared to now.

He was, objectively, done.

———————

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: I suppose that it is only logical that if you send me a picture of yourself, one of me is in order.

Logicallylo: And I thought Roman was the overtired one…

Pattonhead: Kcoadkdksskmasajxkff

———————

Patton stared at the picture of the most handsome man he'd ever seen (and he'd gazed upon Virgil's glory). He had black hair with fading blue tips, an angular face (were those freckles on the cheeks? Adorable!), and glasses with the same frames as Patton's own (who'da thunk?). The glasses framed beautiful navy eyes, the precise color of sapphires. He had the small smile of someone who didn’t smile quite as much has he deserved, but when it did, it counted.

Logan was beautiful.

Patton was in love.

He threw his iPad across the room.

A surprised yell came from Virgil in the other room.

Oops.

———————

Logicallylo: What happened?

Pattonhead: I’m sorry, Khoshekh got on the keyboard!

Logicallylo: Ah, I see.

Pattonhead: You look really nice!

Pattonhead: I mean good!

Pattonhead: I mean pretty!

Pattonhead: I mean—

Logicallylo: Thank you, Patton.

Pattonhead: ^-^

———————

Pattonhead: Soooooo, Virgil!

Anxiousanxietyart: yeah?

Pattonhead: So as it turns out, i miiiiiight have been flirting a liiiiittle with Lo

Pattonhead: Because I might have a teensy weensy itsy bitsy tiny little bitty crush…

Anxiousanxietyart: i heckin knew it!

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I have awaken from my beauty sleep!

Anxiousanxietyart: didn’t know you needed it.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Did you just

Anxiousanxietyart: i meant—i—oy vey

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You did! YOU DID! Oh happy day!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Great Zeus almighty, I thought this day would never come!

Anxiousanxietyart: we’ve known each other for only a few weeks, ro.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Forever.

Anxiousanxietyart: mm hmm totally.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I can taste your sarcasm, Virgil.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But no matter!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I only have to scroll up to remind myself what you REALLY think about me.

Anxiousanxietyart: that you’re annoying?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: That I’m hot.

Anxiousanxietyart: was that selfie really necessary?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes. Yes it was.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And you didn’t denyyyyyy iiiitttttt

Anxiousanxietyart: you’re not hot, roman.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: He said, like a liar.

Anxiousanxietyart: he said, like a man in denial.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: He said, like a man in a river in Egypt

Anxiousanxietyart: ??

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: De Nile

Anxiousanxietyart: oy vey why

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted:

I was too lazy to think of a title but it involves Hamilton so

Summary: It’s Vect and Xaer and Peri being the friendos they are, but they’re Hamilton buds and that makes it all better.

Word count: who knows? not I, not I

Warnings: a lot of Hamilton

A/N: Writer’s block sucks. It most verily does. That is why this exists. (In other words, I miiiiiiight have hit a wee bit of a snag with my Big Bang fic…) It is an attempt to salvage my writing skills.

Read more

Veertrash71 replied: I loooooveeeeee it! Aaaaaahhhhh it’s so fluffyyyyyy

Perisureimace replied: I’m pretty sure I’m gonna explode from all the Hamilton haha

Veerleft replied: This is canon now I decided

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Lo and I are having a mooooovie night!

Anxiousanxietyart: weren’t you up super late last night? why is he endorsing this behavior

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because we’re watching Rogue One and he’s gay for Cassian Andor (who isn’t tbh)

Anxiousanxietyart: i… haven’t seen it…

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: G A S P ! ! ! HOW D A R E

Anxiousanxietyart: umm i just? never did? it can’t ever be as good as the original trilogy so

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Umm, it’s pretty far up there! Worth watching at the very L E A S T

Anxiousanxietyart: you’ll have to tell me about it

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You. Me. FaceTime. Now.

Anxiousanxietyart: um??? what is happening

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You are Going to Watch this Movie with me, and you Will Like It!

Anxiousanxietyart: is there a choice?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Do you have a pressing appointment?

Anxiousanxietyart: nope, free all day

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Than nope!

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh roman

Anxiousanxietyart: i didn’t peg you for a diehard star wars fan?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: …how??? I’m like the biggest freaking Star Wars nerd since Logan (well, he likes Star Trek better, honestly how are we even related)

Anxiousanxietyart: i have realized my mistake

Anxiousanxietyart: (and star trek is totally better?)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: nO NOT YOU TOO!?!?!

Anxiousanxietyart: there are a lot of reasons, which i can and would list, but i only need one:

Anxiousanxietyart: which was first to have canon gays, hmm?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Finn and Poe came before Culber and Stamets??

Anxiousanxietyart: but stormpilot isn’t canon 

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Not with that attitude it isn’t!

Anxiousanxietyart: oy vey.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Also, Baze and Chirrut are totally married wHICH REMINDS ME, ROGUE ONE. NOW.

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: please?

Anxiousanxietyart: alright fine.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: YAY! ONWARDS, MY NOBLE KNIGHT, AND LET US B E G I N!

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Sooooooooo?

Anxiousanxietyart: so what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Whaddya think?

Anxiousanxietyart: it was alright, i guess

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ALRIGHT YOU G U E S S?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Falsehood! You cried so hard you turned off the camera!

Anxiousanxietyart: who’s falsehooding now?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Still you! You loved it and you know it!

Anxiousanxietyart: you can prove nothing

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You may try, but you cannot deny the truth that is your tears

Anxiousanxietyart: try harder, lor san tekka

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Dangnabbit!

Anxiousanxietyart: i know my star wars lor

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Did you just

Anxiousanxietyart! patton is right over my shoulder i couldn’t just not

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: well, LOGAN is over MY shoulder, and he’s absolutely done

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Well done young Padawan

———————

Logicallylo: Why, Patton. Why would you do this.

Pattonhead: Oh hello Logan! How’s it goin’ in Logantown?

Logicallylo: Alright, I suppose. I was just consoling a sobbing Roman because of Rogue One, and now he has been sent off to bed because he was up late last night, and he has rehearsal tomorrow.

Pattonhead: Ooh, rehearsal?

Logicallylo: He is in a production of Falsettos with some friends of his (yes, he has friends).

Logicallylo: How about you?

Pattonhead: I’m not in any plays, if that’s what you’re askin’, Lo.

Logicallylo: No, I meant how was your day?

Pattonhead: Ooohhh! It was good!

Logicallylo: That is good.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m a badawan, thanks very much?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yoda Chronicles, and I'm a Jedi Knight

Anxiousanxietyart: i am ready to fight

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: foR THE SITH!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ZOOM POW ZAP ELECTRICITY

Anxiousanxietyart: why haven’t more people watched that thing

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Who knows?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Honestly I was super freaking gay for Jek-14 when I was younger

Anxiousanxietyart: who wasn’t?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Truth hath most verily been spoken here

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Look look look look look

Anxiousanxietyart: it’s a lesbian from next door!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Followed by her lover who’s a lesbian from next door too!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But seriously look here

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: is that

Anxiousanxietyart: a freaking

Anxiousanxietyart: jek-14 lego set???

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: YES IT IS INDEED

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: LOOK AND WEEP

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh

Anxiousanxietyart: you freaking nerd

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Nerd?! I thought I was more of a geek!

Anxiousanxietyart: okay jeremy

Anxiousanxietyart: (nerd)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: r u d e

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: VIRGIL

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: V I R G I L

Anxiousanxietyart: three m o o n s what the heckity heck do you want?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Wings of Fire, and are you awake?

Anxiousanxietyart: no, definitely not

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh okay then

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...wait

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You little

Anxiousanxietyart: you’re welcome

Anxiousanxietyart: now why did you message me at three in the morning?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I can’t sleeeeppppppp

Anxiousanxietyart: not with that attitude you can’t

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And I have a Very Urgent Question for you

Anxiousanxietyart: shoot.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Do dryads have skin? Or is it just bark?

Anxiousanxietyart: i

Anxiousanxietyart: um

Anxiousanxietyart: what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because like if they have bark, how do they move? And like they’re tree ladies? So like how

Anxiousanxietyart: can you facetime me? i need to see your face while you say that.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Mm ok

———————

When Roman accepted the FaceTime request and was greeted with five solid minutes of Virgil laughing. Which was a nice greeting, yes, but a wee bit annoying, it being at him rather than with him.

“Rude,” he said when Virgil finally calmed down. This, of course, made him start laughing again.

“I’m sorry, haha!” He wiped away a tear. “It’s just—such a random—haha—question!”

“Doesn’t mean you had to FaceTime me JUST to rub it in.”

“Umm, yes I did. Obviously.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “But do dryads have bark?”

“I’m gonna say no.”

“But they’re trees, Virgil!”

“Tree people!”

“Trees! Have! Bark!”

“But they have to move???”

“Yeah, but if they have tree spirits, then can’t they have flexible bark?” Roman asked, trying to convince Virgil.

“No? That’s not how it works?”

“How would you know?!”

“Because I have basic sense?” Virgil sighed, laughing. “How did you even come up with this?”

“I was rererereading Percy Jackson, and I just thought of it,” Roman said.

Virgil shook his head, smiling. “Only you, Roman.”

Roman looked like he didn’t know whether to be pleased or offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re unique and hilarious and creative and dramatic.”

“Heck yeah I am!” Roman flipped his hair, and Virgil covered his mouth to keep from laughing too hard. Roman finally lost all control of his traitorous gigglebox, and let out a snort that turned into a giggle that turned into a laugh that he muffled with his pillow in order to keep from waking up Logan.

Virgil stared, his cheeks growing red in the darkness.

“I gotta gay—I—um—go.”

He hung up quickly, leaving Roman to wonder what the heck had just happened.

“Wait, but do they have skin?”

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: Patton holy crap

Pattonhead: Language, kiddo. Yes?

Anxiousanxietyart: i think i have a crush on roman

Anxiousanxietyart: i have feelings for him and i don’t even know him and it’s terrifying and i don’t know what to do

Pattonhead: Aww, kiddo, come over here.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart posted: i’m sorry guys, there’s not going to be anything for a while, maybe ever. sorry im such a failure.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I have many ideas to tell you of!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Thou must come here so I can tell you them!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh Virgil?

Anxiousanxietyart: im sorry.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What for?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You on?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hello?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: …

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Fine, I’ll give you some space

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virge you okay?

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil stop ignoring me

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Answer me! I command you!

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virge?

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Fine. You don’t want to talk to me, I don’t want to talk to you. I’m done.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m sorry Virgil I didn’t mean it just talk to meeeeee

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Is it something I did? I’m sorry for whatever it is, just tell me what to do to make it right. Please.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil, I really miss you. Please come back. I’m begging you.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: I’m sorry, all, for the lack of content. I’ve just been really sad lately. I’ll be back soon, hopefully, maybe, sometime.

———————

Logicallylo: Virgil? Are you on?

Logicallylo: Virgil, normally I would respect your privacy, but this is not a normal occurrence.

Anxiousanxietyart: what?

Logicallylo: Did something happen with Roman?

Anxiousanxietyart: ...sort of?

Anxiousanxietyart: how did you guess?

Logicallylo: It’d be impossible not to know, seeing how much he’s moping around lately. Living with him is… well, like living with him how he is usually only with more sad songs played around the house and more moping, as well as less general cheerfulness. It’s concerning.

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Anxiousanxietyart: oh crap what have i done

Logicallylo: Virgil. Breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

Anxiousanxietyart: what do i do???

Logicallylo: You need to talk to him. Now. Before it’s too late.

Anxiousanxietyart: do i have to? can’t i keep repressing my feelings longer?

Logicallylo: No.

Anxiousanxietyart: fine, but you need to talk to patton then.

Logicallylo: What about?

Anxiousanxietyart: don’t play dumb.

Logicallylo: …fine. But if he doesn’t respond well, I’m blaming you.

Anxiousanxietyart: he won’t, but ditto.

Logicallylo: Very well. I will leave you to contact my brother. I wish you luck.

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, lo. you’re a good friend.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: ro? you there?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: SWEET MOUNTAIN DEW RED YOU’RE ON!

Anxiousanxietyart: sorry for disappearing like that. i just had to think through some stuff.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Well, warn a prince next time!

Anxiousanxietyart: um, ro?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes?

Anxiousanxietyart: i need to tell you something, and it wouldn’t really… work… over messaging. could i call you?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Of course, Virgil. Anytime.

———————

Virgil stared at the number on the screen in front of him. It seemed to dare him to do what he did best: panic enough to avoid doing this, Tell Roman to forget about it, it was nothing, go back to how it was before. Don’t risk this friendship, the possibility of the other man not being who he said he was, and just let things stay the same.

It was a tempting thought.

He looked to his left to see Patton sitting next to him, giving him a supportive thumbs-up and mouthing, ‘you can do this!’

What would he do without Patton, honestly?

He took a deep, grounding breath. I can do this. I can do this.

Virgil dialed the number, and he heard Roman pick up.

“Hello? Virgil?”

Virgil threw his phone across the room.

It hit the other wall with a thunk and hit the floor.

Problem solved.

Patton looked at him. “Uhh, kiddo, what was that?”

Virgil huddled into himself. “I can’t do this!” He hugged his knees to his chest, shaking his head.

Patton took hold of his shoulders. “Hey. Virgil. Look at me.” He did. Patton’s sea-colored eyes were wide and comforting. “I believe in you. I know Roman feels the same way. You can tell him. It’s all right. Okay?” When Virgil hesitated, the other boy continued: “You don’t have to do this today. It will be perfectly fine if you don’t. However, you will have to do it sometime. Better sooner rather than later. One step in front of the other. You have got this.”

Virgil nodded. He let go of his knees, and stood up. He crossed the room slowly, his heart in his throat. He slowly picked up the phone.

“DUDE WHAT THE CROFTERS WAS THAT?!?!?!”

...the phone had not hung up.

“Sorry Roman!” Virgil stared at Patton in panic. “I—uh—I don’t know what happened!’

“Uh huh.”

There was a silence. It was tense, awkward, expectant. Virgil knew he had to be the one to break it. He took a deep breath—

“So what was it you wanted to tell me?”

Dangnabbit!

“Uhh—I—um—” Virgil lost all control of his filter. “Ithinkimightkindareallylikeyouandthatterrifiesmeandpleasedontbemad”

There it was. His soul laid bare. Virgil had done it. Patton was grinning and giving him the thumbs up. He felt a weight lifted off his chest.

What the freaking heck had he done.

A bigger weight fell on top of him. Roman hadn’t spoken yet. He didn’t like him back. It was official. He hated him. He—

“Oh. Wow. Cool. Um. Ditto?”

What.

"What?"

Roman laughed awkwardly. "Um. Oh wow this is not how I wanted this to happen. I had a whole thing planned and it was spectacular but. The feeling is mutual. I quite like you too. Romantically."

“Wait, really?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” A pause. “Well what do we do about that?”

“Um. Wanna date?”

“Cool.” There was silence. Neither of them knew what to say.

Suddenly, Virgil began laughing. He tipped over, giggling uncontrollably into the phone. He snorted and rolled around, laughing and laughing and laughing.

“Virgil? You alive?”

“I—I just can’t believe,” he began between laughs, “that I avoided you for all that time, and all I needed to do was just call you? It’s just—it’s really ironic, isn’t it?”

Roman caught on, snorting into the phone. “Yeah, it is.”

They finally stopped laughing minutes later, drifting into comfortable silence. No one said anything. They didn’t need to. Everything that had been needed to say had been said, and all the tension was gone.

“So what happens now?” Roman asked.

“I guess we just try and see how things work out,” Virgil answered.

“You really have no clue, don’t you?”

“I really don’t.”

Roman snorted. “Neither do I, so it’s fine.”

Virgil let out a soft laugh. It felt good to be talking to him, really talking, nothing left as a secret.

They really should do this more.

And that’s when Roman broke the spell.

“NOW, LOGAN JOAN BERRY, GET YOUR TUCHUS OVER HERE AND TALK TO PATTON!” He yelled, his mouth still next to the gather-sound-thing on his phone. How could Virgil tell? Because it was right in his ear.

“Um, ow?”

“Oh, sorry Virge!”

“No worries. My bleeding ear will recover. However, my traumatized eardrum will not.”

“My voice is lovely, your eardrum should be thanking me for allowing it to hear my magnificent voice!”

“If you say so.”

Roman made a wounded and offended noise on the other end of the phone. Virgil snorted.

“If you want Logan and Patton to talk to each other, can they have their own call? I don’t want them to be flirting over my phone.”

“...oh yeah, that’s a good idea.” Roman paused a moment. “Uhh, maybe hold the phone away from your ear.”

“What—”

There was a thunk and a faint yell. A different voice shouted, “WHAT THE CRAP ROMAN?!”

“TAKE YOUR PHONE AND GO FLIRT IN THE OTHER ROOM!”

“WHY DID YOU THROW MY PHONE AT ME?!”

“Whaaaaaat is happening?” Virgil was very confused. Patton, still sitting next to him, had even less idea of what was going on.

“Umm, kiddo, is everything alright?”

“Who knows?” He shrugged. Patton did not seem to calm down or seem less confused.

And that’s when his phone rang.

Virgil and Patton both stared at the phone vibrating and playing “Baby Bumblebee” on the table. It kept ringing, undisturbed by the stares. Phones don’t care about you or what you do. They just ring.

Roman cleared his throat, yanking Virgil’s attention back to him. “Virge, tell Patton to pick up his phone before Logan spontaneously combusts, taking me with him and rendering the world devoid of this magnificent face.”

Virgil repeated this sentence word for word, dumbfounded.

“I, um, okay?” Patton walked over to the phone and picked it up. “Hello? Hi, Logan. Umm, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Patton walked out of the room, still talking.

———————

“Lo? What’s going on?”

Logan cleared his throat, preparing himself. Now was the time. He’d say ‘it’s now or never’, but after The Last Jedi, he swore off the phrase forever. Besides, it was inaccurate. He could always procrastinate.

No. He would confess now.

It was time.

He opened his mouth.

“How was your day?”

Nailed it.

Patton sounded a bit confused. “Umm, it was okay. Steve Carlsberg died today. It was sad. We had a funeral for him.”

“...what?”

“Oh, one of our fish.”

“Ah.”

Silence on both ends.

Logan opened his mouth to ask about the other fish names.

“I kind of really like you!”

Wait what.

What in the holy name of the pythagorean theorem did he just do.

Patton was silent for a long, nerve-tearing-into-pieces minute. When he finally spoke, it was to say that, “I like you too, Logan! That’s why we’re friends.”

“I—no.” Logan took a deep breath. If he didn’t say it now, he never would. Also, he would have to live with this miscommunication on his conscience for all of eternity. “Romantic like. As Roman would say, ‘I’m gay for you’ like.”

“Oh! I like you romantically too.”

‘Wait what’ was what he would have thought if he had had the ability to form coherent thoughts.

“I. Um. What?”

“Yeah.” Patton sounded like he was probably blushing. No, definitely. He was definitely blushing. “You’re really nice and kind and smart and beautiful and amazing and yeah I like you romantically back!”

“I—that was. Um.” Logan, you’re speaking nonsense. Collect yourself. I swear, sometimes you’re just too gay to live. “That’s good.”

“I’d hope so.” Patton’s voice was filled with a feeling Logan couldn’t place, but it was good. Definitely good.

“So,” he said, “what will happen now?”

“I don’t know!” Patton giggled. “I’m honestly just happy to be here, talking to you.”

“You are simply too sweet.”

Patton made a slightly flustered noise.

Logan cleared his throat. “Shall we just continue how we’ve been continuing and just see what happens?”

“Whatever we do I know will be just fine.” Patton spoke with an air of wiseness that said he knew what he was talking about. He was more people-smart than Logan, and that was one of the many reasons they complimented each other.

“Why is that, Pat?” Logan asked.

“Because dogs exist, and nothing bad can happen in a world with dogs,” he said very seriously.

Logan snorted. While that may have not been strictly logical, Patton was correct. They would be just fine.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: Guess who’s not a single bean anymooooreeee??? This guy!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: oh my gosh

Veertrash71 replied: wait WHAT

Pattonhead replied: I was confused for a sec there, kiddo, but then I remembered.

Veertrash71 replied: UM

Logicallylo replied: Congratulations. You have found someone to deal with your nonsense. Lucky for all of us.

Veertrash71 replied: Is no one else going to freak out??

Perisureimace replied: Oh congrats!

Veertrash71 replied: WHY IS NO ONE ELSE CONFUSED THAT PRINCEY WAS EVER SINGLE?!

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: hi

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Greetings and salutations!

Anxiousanxietyart: um

Anxiousanxietyart: is there, like, protocol for talking now that

Anxiousanxietyart: um

Anxiousanxietyart: you know

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Your guess is as good as mine.

Anxiousanxietyart: oh okay

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Uhh

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Any pets?

Anxiousanxietyart: ...what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I had to think of SOME conversation topic.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Your answer?

Anxiousanxietyart: a cat and fifty billion fish.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: What are their names?

Anxiousanxietyart: the cat is khoshekh, the fish are all named after wtnv characters but i can never remember who’s alive anymore. i think janice ate carlos last week, but i’m not sure.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: How dare you Janice?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Do you perchance happen to have any pictures? If a pic of you came into the mix, I wouldn’t complain, just sayin’

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh ro

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Love you too <3

Anxiousanxietyart: ajckskskkckdkfes

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Did I break you?

Anxiousanxietyart: ...maybe

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Honey

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Sweetie

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Apple of my eye

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: My one and only

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Knight in dark and angsty armor

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: take my pet photos and freaking leave

Anxiousanxietyart: babe

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Amckskjdhdjsjsjakkadf

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh my gosh is that you with your cat???

Anxiousanxietyart: yes

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No mere mortal eyes should gaze upon such cuteness!

Anxiousanxietyart: good thing you’re not a mere mortal

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Aww!

Anxiousanxietyart: your ego alone is godly enough for ten zeuses

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...I retract all my praise.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Alexander Hamsterton and I go on all sorts of adventures.

Anxiousanxietyart: ajdkdkskfjkssa

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Fair play is turnabout, Virge >:)

Anxiousanxietyart: why would you do this terrible thing

Anxiousanxietyart: my mind is dead now

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I tease because I love <3

Anxiousanxietyart: i

Anxiousanxietyart: uhh

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh gosh I didn’t mean like that it’s too soon aah ignore me oy vey

Anxiousanxietyart: um okay

Anxiousanxietyart: so

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hey so I’m wondering

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Why do you always text with no caps???

Anxiousanxietyart: it's for the a e s t h e t i c

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh my gods you utter and complete e m o

Anxiousanxietyart: thank you for the compliment

Anxiousanxietyart: much appreciated

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It… I… I give up.

Anxiousanxietyart: :)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh you NERD

Anxiousanxietyart: said the theatre geek to the emo.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...what is that supposed to mean??

Anxiousanxietyart: no hecking clue.

———————

Logicallylo: Greetings and salutations, Patton.

Pattonhead: Oh hello! How are you?

Logicallylo: I am doing well. And you?

Pattonhead: Same here! A wee bit tired, but good all the same!

Logicallylo: I feel an urgent desire to sleep as well.

Pattonhead: Well, that’s one way to put it!

Pattonhead: HELP

Logicallylo: What’s going on?

Pattonhead: [image]

Pattonhead: SPIDER!!!!!!

Logicallylo: It appears to be a Pholcus phalangioides, or daddy long legs. It has venom, but is so small that it cannot bite or transfer venom. It is harmless.

Pattonhead: STILL! SPIDER!

Logicallylo: Do you have arachnophobia?

Pattonhead: No, but I’m terribly afraid of spiders!

Logicallylo: That’s what I said. Arachnophobia.

Pattonhead: WHERE IS VIRGIL I NEED VIRGIL TO TAKE IT OUTSIDE

Logicallylo: I have no idea of Virgil’s whereabouts.

Logicallylo: Perhaps you can message him?

Pattonhead: I’D SAY OOH THAT’S A GOOD IDEA IF I WEREN'T TERRIFIED

———————

Pattonhead: SPIDER!

Anxiousanxietyart: i’ll be there asap

———————

Pattonhead: Virgil has taken the spider outside! It cannot return any more.

Logicallylo: That is good. I am glad that it is gone.

Pattonhead: Just had a scare there!

Logicallylo: Is your emotional state better now?

Pattonhead: Much, thanks, Lo.

Logicallylo: No problem. Would you like me to call you now?

Pattonhead: Ooh yes please!

———————

Patton was now sitting on top of his bed, idly petting Khoshekh and staring at his phone intensely. Maybe if he stared hard enough, Logan would call sooner!

As if on cue, the phone started ringing. Patton picked it up without even looking at the screen.

“Hiya Lo!” He chirped, bouncing up and down.

“Salutations and further greetings,” replied the voice of Logan. Patton’s heart melted upon hearing him. “Is Virgil in the room?”

“Nope, just me! He’s trying to make brownies in the kitchen, apparently ‘to sacrifice to the great and almighty deity of removing all feelings’, so the normal reason, pretty much!”

“Ah. Usual Virgil?”

“There’s nothing usual about Virgil.” Patton’s tone was very serious. He loved his kiddo a lot. He was a small angsty baby koala kangaroo child who needed love.

“I am aware of this.” Despite the words, which would have sounded annoyed, Logan’s tone was fond, and Patton could picture him smiling as he said so.

“You may want to hold the phone away from your ear,” Logan said.

“Why is that?”

“ROMAN, WHERE IS ALEXANDER HAMSTERTON?” Logan’s voice was muffled, but he was obviously yelling.

A quiet reply that might have been “I was playing with him”, but sounded like “I mass gaying with him” was shouted from somewhere else. Patton was slightly confused about what was going on.

“Uhh, Logan? What’s happening?”

“Roman’s hamster wasn’t in his cage, but he’s back now,” explained Logan reassuringly.

“Oh okay! Thank goodness he’s back!”

And that’s when Virgil spoke.

“PATTON SPIDER, THE BROWNIES ARE BURNING AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO HELP ME!”

“Spider?”

Patton shuddered, whispering. “It’s ironic because I have a very large fear of spiders.”

Logan laughed over the phone, and Patton’s heart did some cartwheels. “Ironic indeed.”

They shared a blissful few seconds of silence, nothing to say.

“I should probably go,” said Logan. “You may want to assist Virgil with the brownies.”

“But I don’t wanna hang up! I wanna talk with you!” Patton protested.

“We can talk later, if you wish.”

“Ooh yay okay!” Patton bounced up and down. “Bye, Logan!”

“Goodbye, Patton.”

Logan hung up, and Patton ran to save some brownies from certain doom, still thinking of Logan.

———————

Logicallylo posted a photo: My boyfriend @pattonhead sent me these brownies today. They taste absolutely delicious! Love you Pat.

Pattonhead replied: Aww, so glad you like them honeybee! <3

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: THIS is a Marvelous Cookie! (or brownie, whatever)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: SWEET! With an excellent CRUNCH!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: perfect to follow a dinner

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Or just after breakfast

Anxiousanxietyart replied: and prior to lunch! (really though pat, they're probably really good)

Pattonhead replied: Aww thanks kiddo! <3

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know all my obscure references! A man after my own heart <3

Anxiousanxietyart: you cannot hide from my musical knowledge with frog and toad.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Shall we make a competition out of it?

Anxiousanxietyart: i'm listening.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: We each shall make as many references as possible without telling the other.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: If the other doesn't catch it, the referencer gets a point. If the other does get it, they get a point.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: The one with the most by the time our Big Bang project is posted wins!

Anxiousanxietyart: ro, you got yourself a challenge. let's do this thing.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Can I FaceTime you so we can shake on it?

Anxiousanxietyart: yes

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: can i call you?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Of course, Virgil! Might I ask why?

Anxiousanxietyart: i just need to talk to you rn.

———————

Roman picked up immediately. “Virgil? You okay?”

“No.” Virgil sounded out of breath and terrified to his own ears. “Patton isn’t home and he left his phone and I’m alone and there’s noises and I’m fREAKING OUT and—”

“Hey. Virge. Breathe.” Roman’s voice was calming, cool, soothing. “In. Out. In. Out. Breathe with me, okay?”

Virgil took a deep, shuddering breath. He heard Roman do the same, in sync with him. In. Out. In. Out. They continued, for how long was unknown.

After several minutes of silence, accompanied by the noise of their breathing, Roman spoke. “You feeling better?”

The hesitation of a few moments that seemed to take an eternity followed his words before Virgil replied.

“I—yeah. I’m better now, I mean.” And he was. Who knew that for once the most-recommended, least-remembered tip would actually work?

“Why were you panicking, if I may ask?”

“I kept hearing noises? Not sure how exactly.” A pause. “Thanks, Roman.”

“Anytime.” And he meant it. He would do anything to help Virgil.

He didn’t exactly know what to say after all that. “Do you want me to leave?”

“NO!” Virgil blurted out before realizing what he just said. “I mean, umm, if it’s okay, could you please stay? I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

“Of course,” Roman said softly. “Anything.”

“Is exactly what Han Solo said before getting stabbed by his son.”

“Why are you like this?”

Virgil snorted, and Roman felt a sudden urge to hug him.

“I kinda really love you, you know that?” Roman blurted out. He then slapped his hand in front of his mouth.

Virgil was silent. Utterly, completely silent.

You utter and complete dunce! You’ve driven him away!

“I—ditto.” Virgil let out a small, slightly awkward laugh. “This is not what I expected this day to be like.”

“What did you expect?”

“You can’t see because this is a call but I’m shrugging.”

Roman laughed. “That sounds about right.”

Virgil cleared his throat. “Patton just sent me a text, you don’t have to stay. He’s coming back in a few.”

“I can stay if you like,” Roman said. “I won’t leave you if you don’t want me to.”

“No, it’s fine. You can go.”

Roman shrugged. “If you’re sure. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye, Ro.” Virgil hung up, and Roman sat there, shocked and blushing.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You feeling better?

Anxiousanxietyart: yes. patton’s home now, we’re watching the princess bride.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Glad you’re ok.

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks again, ro.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: All you need to do is ask. I’m here for you, love.

Anxiousanxietyart: anfkdmfjsjfk

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Did I mess up? Oh gosh I’m sorry

Anxiousanxietyart: no

Anxiousanxietyart: i

Anxiousanxietyart: kind of like it???

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Okay love

Anxiousanxietyart: gonna pay attention now, gnight, love

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ajkfmsjdhjfjd

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: sleep well, mi amor

Anxiousanxietyart: how the heckety heck do you know spanish

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ;)

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: HAVE I GOT THE STORY FOR YOU!

Anxiousanxietyart: good morning to you too.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It’s 1 in the afternoon.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...

Anxiousanxietyart:

g o o d m o r n i n g

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ANYWAYS

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: SO

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I just saw a woman.

Anxiousanxietyart: whoa. never knew women existed.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hush, I may be gay, but I know women exist and are amazing

Anxiousanxietyart: never knew that you were gay???

Anxiousanxietyart: truly shocked

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ANYWAYS, BACK TO MY STORY!

Anxiousanxietyart: oy vey.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: At the salad restaurant.

Anxiousanxietyart: …salad… restaurant?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes it exists

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ordering a salad.

Anxiousanxietyart: wow. never would have guessed.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...wHILE EATING A FREAKING DONUT.

Anxiousanxietyart: i… what?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You heard me!

Anxiousanxietyart: no, i didn’t. we’re texting.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know what I mean!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: A chocolate covered donut. In line. Ordering a salad. To-go.

Anxiousanxietyart: why were you at a salad place?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Because they have the best gosh dang Mac n Cheese in the galaxy and I was in Urgent Need for it

Anxiousanxietyart: huh

Anxiousanxietyart: so, not because you suddenly decided to take care of yourself?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Despite Logan and Patton’s best efforts, no. Never.

Anxiousanxietyart: good, i was starting to worry you weren’t you.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Fear not, I am still my magnificently fantastic self!

Anxiousanxietyart: and that’s a reason not to worry? counterproductive.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: RUDE.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Someday, I will take you to Crunchy & Emerald, and you will see just how fantastic their Mac n Cheese is.

Anxiousanxietyart: really?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Couldn’t stop me if you tried. And don’t try.

Anxiousanxietyart: i guess it’s a date, then.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ahfkdmfjdkf

Anxiousanxietyart: :)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Evil. Truly evil.

Anxiousanxietyart: said it before, i’ll say it again:

Anxiousanxietyart: chaotic

Anxiousanxietyart: neutral

Anxiousanxietyart: :)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Chaotic good, myself

Anxiousanxietyart: i can see that. class?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Paladin, Fighter, sometimes Bard

Anxiousanxietyart: huh

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You?

Anxiousanxietyart: rogue

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You dark, angsty soul.

Anxiousanxietyart: got that right.

Anxiousanxietyart: you ever actually played d&d?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Aye, verily! Logan and I once arranged a campaign with friends (he was a sorcerer). It was quite fun!

Anxiousanxietyart: sounds like it.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yep! What about you? Have you ever embarked on the nerd adventure of a lifetime that you can take more than once?

Anxiousanxietyart: i have one (1) friend who’d consider it, and he’s clueless about these things (patton)

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Well, now you have 3! We shall organize a campaign at once!

Anxiousanxietyart: three?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Me, Patton, and Logan!

Anxiousanxietyart: he’d like that?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Are you kidding? He LOVES nerd stuff like that!

Anxiousanxietyart: ...somehow, i am not surprised.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: wait.

Anxiousanxietyart: aren’t you lactose intolerant?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: :)

Anxiousanxietyart: i forbid you from eating that mac n cheese ever again

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Try and make me. I dare you. You will never separate me from my one true love! NEVER!

Anxiousanxietyart: what about me?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Babe.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I love you.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But if you try and keep me away from Crunchy & Emerald’s sweet sweet cheesy macaroni, you will be unboyfriended.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces:

:)

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my dog.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You have a cat.

Anxiousanxietyart: umm, my point still stands

———————

Pattonhead: Lololololololololo!!!!

Logicallylo: I am here, Patton. What’s the matter?

Pattonhead: I’m at Target with Virge, and on the way we had the most magical encounter!!

Logicallylo: Would you like to tell me about it?

Pattonhead: That’s why I’m here! :3

Logicallylo: I am listening.

Logicallylo:

Or rather, watching. This isn’t a call.

Pattonhead: SO me and Virge were walkin’ to Target, and I heard? this? “meow meow” noise?

Pattonhead: I looked back aND THIS ADORABLE GRAY CAT WAS RUNNING ON ALL FOUR TINY LEGS TO MEET US, MEOWING???

Logicallylo: That does indeed sound adorable.

Pattonhead: The kitty ran up to us and went between Virgil’s legs and around my legs and I petted him and then he walked away it was amazing and pure and magical and I feel blessed

Logicallylo: Wow.

Logicallylo: That seems like a pleasant experience.

Pattonhead: It was the BEST DAY of my LIFE!

Logicallylo: I can believe that.

Pattonhead: Aaa gotta go, the friend is on the Virge of leaving me behind to shop alone :)

Logicallylo: I shall see you later, Pat.

Pattonhead: Byeeeee Lo!

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: pat and i went out shopping today for some sweet sweet starbound preparation materials, and look what i got

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Is that

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: A freaking

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: XAER PIN?!

Anxiousanxietyart: :)

Anxiousanxietyart: they had them at the store, and even though they were out of vect pins, pat got a peri one and i got this

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: That

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Is

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: So

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: COOL?!?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I am so jealous you have no idea

Anxiousanxietyart: i know

Anxiousanxietyart: whiiiich is why i lied

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ???

Anxiousanxietyart: they did have vect pins

Anxiousanxietyart: [image]

Anxiousanxietyart: and it’s for you

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ?!?!?!?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: OH MY GOSH YOURET HE BEST BOYFRIEND EVERTFHRUSNJSJZSNAKSJSDKSKHDF

Anxiousanxietyart: i wonder if he’s excited at all

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: THE M O S T!!!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: THANK YOU SO MUCH VIRGE <3

Anxiousanxietyart: you’re welcome :)

———————

Pattonhead: Lololololololo!!! :D

Logicallylo: Yes?

Pattonhead: Look look look look look I got a new beanie!!

Pattonhead: [image]

Pattonhead: I’m a cat!!!! :3

Logicallylo: I

Logicallylo: I need a moment.

Pattonhead: You like it?

Logicallylo: Patton, you are adorable. You know that?

Pattonhead: Aww, that’s so sweet! ^u^

Logicallylo: You are so cute that I fell on the floor.

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: You have slain me.

Pattonhead: Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww! Nooooooooo don’t dieeeeeeee!

Logicallylo: Roman has taken this opportunity to “conquer the foul beast of Calculatortown”.

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: Why will he not stop stepping on me.

Pattonhead: Whyyyyyyyy Roooomannn?!

Pattonhead: Step off of my boyfriend!

Logicallylo: He is gone now.

Logicallylo: [image]

Logicallylo: With your encouragement, I have slayed the brother.

Logicallylo: Or rather, made him leave my room.

Pattonhead: YAAAAYYYYYYYYY! :DDD

Logicallylo: And now, I can get back to my book.

Pattonhead: Nooooooo keep talking to meeee!

Logicallylo: As you wish.

Pattonhead: YAYY! :D

Pattonhead: What’re you reading?

Logicallylo: Rebel Rising, by Beth Revis. I had a desire to learn more about Jyn Erso, and this is about her backstory.

Pattonhead: Ooh, sounds fun!

Logicallylo: It is, although I find it interesting how Jyn had a boyfriend before Rogue One, and the reason why she is captured by the Empire is somewhat unexpected.

Pattonhead: Huh!

Logicallylo: But enough about me, or about Jyn. What about you? How is Khoshekh?

Pattonhead: Adorable as ever!

Pattonhead: [image]

Logicallylo: You speak no falsehoods about that. Khoshekh is, indeed, adorable.

Logicallylo: However, you are even more so.

Pattonhead: Awwwwww, Lo, you’re makin’ me blush!

Pattonhead: [image]

Logicallylo: The evidence you have just sent has only strengthened my case. You are incredible, Patton. You make people feel, despite their original hesitance. You love so much, and are so many wonderful things.

Logicallylo: I haven’t the words to describe how I’m feeling. Emotions were never my forte.

Logicallylo: However, you… you are incredibly good at forcing me to feel things, and at making me like it.

Pattonhead: I

Pattonhead: I just don’t know what to say?

Pattonhead: I love you too, Logan. Always.

Logicallylo: I

Logicallylo: That

Logicallylo: You said you didn’t know what to say. But that was perfect. It was absolutely, positively perfect.

Logicallylo: I have no words.

Pattonhead: I can give you some of mine?

Logicallylo: I’m not entirely sure that’s how it works.

Pattonhead: I’m not entirely sure that I care.

Logicallylo: I feel as though you should probably care about that.

Pattonhead: I do, I just care about you more <3

Logicallylo: ajdkskndjdjs

Pattonhead: Did you just

Pattonhead: Did you just keysmash???

Logicallylo: Umm.

Logicallylo: If I said no would you believe me?

Pattonhead: YOU DID!

Logicallylo: Oy vey.

Pattonhead: Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me <3

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: help me roman i’ve been laughing at this for like 5 hours

Anxiousanxietyart: https://youtu.be/JMV3lRrduf0

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m just watching it on repeat and dying

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: AND THAT WAS THE FRIEND

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: NOW TELL ME

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: E N D

Anxiousanxietyart: this is true art right here

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Yes indeed.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart posted 6 photos:

i’ve been attempting some photography, and here’s some of my and pat’s favorites. he’s the one who talked me into posting these. if you hate them, blame him.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: HATE them? H A T E them? H A T E T H E M ? !

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I L O V E T H E M ! ! !

Anxiousanxietyart replied: oh.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: thank… you?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I do not say these things lightly, Virgil. You have real talent, my love!

Pattonhead replied: I told you, kiddo! Your photos are amazing!

Logicallylo replied: They are indeed absolutely fantastic, Virgil. Well done. You have a true eye for photography.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i don’t know what to say?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: No words needed.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Only more pictures, if you please! I haven’t seen true beauty since I saw your selfie (or maybe my mirror image), and your photography is truly stunning! Almost as stunning as you!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: ajkfmfjfhgnzkdjfm

Anxiousanxietyart replied:

Anxiousanxietyart replied: take my photos and g o

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Amazing!

Pattonhead replied: What’d I tell you, kiddo? You’re great at this!

Logicallylo replied: Spectacular. Simply spectacular.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: here’s some more, i guess

Anxiousanxietyart replied:

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I haven’t the words to describe just how talented you are, love.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: wow. i never would have thought anyone would like these? thanks, guys

Pattonhead replied: No need to thank us! You’re the one who took the photos, Virge.

Veertrash71 replied: wHOA ANX HAS TALENT???

———————

Pattonhead: Hey kiddo!

Pattonhead: I’m proud of you.

Anxiousanxietyart: why?

Pattonhead: For opening up, and showing your pictures even though you didn’t know how they would be received. I knew you were nervous, but you handled it like a champ.

Anxiousanxietyart: i

Anxiousanxietyart: thanks, pat. love you.

Pattonhead: Love you too, kiddo. Wanna draw and listen to music?

Anxiousanxietyart: gosh yes.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart posted a photo: a bunch of sketches and an actual decent fanart i made. i just really wanted to draw xaer more. zey are really fun to draw.

Pattonhead replied: Nice job!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: You have quite a lot of talent!

Logicallylo replied: Well done, Virgil.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Loooogannnnn helpppp

Logicallylo: What is it?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: It’s just

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Virgil’s so good at so many things

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And he’s really nice and sweet and amazing

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And I love him so much

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: But he doesn’t realize how talented he is?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: And I wanna tell him and help him but I don’t know hoooowwww

Logicallylo: Roman.

Logicallylo: You are helping him already. By being there and letting him know you’re there for him, you have already done more than you know.

Logicallylo: As for letting him realize his worth, just keep doing what you’re already doing. The two of you have a great support system, and you both know how good at so many things the other is.

Logicallylo: But both of you are oblivious to how amazing both of you are, and neither of you see how the other isn’t superior to you. You both are equally talented in different areas.

Logicallylo: That is how the world works, Roman. You need to let him realize how talented he is on his own, but help him in any way you can. Don’t rush it. One thing at a time.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: ...wow. Thanks, Lo.

Logicallylo: You’re welcome, Ro. Now go get that boy. Again.

———————

Logicallylo:

I should get paid for my matchmaking skills.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Hey Virge?

Anxiousanxietyart: what is it ro?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I just

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You’re really amazing, you know that?

Anxiousanxietyart: no, i’m really not, but thanks.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: No, seriously. You’re super talented and great at so many things and I feel like you don’t know that enough.

Anxiousanxietyart: i

Anxiousanxietyart: i don’t know what to say. thanks, roman.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You’re welcome.

Anxiousanxietyart: why are you saying these things, if i may ask?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I just

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Just felt like you needed to know this.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Love you, Virgil.

Anxiousanxietyart: love you too.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: @logicallylo and I will not be here for about a week? There’s a family gathering for a cousin’s bat mitzvah in another state, and we won’t be able to be on for a while. There shall be a surprise when I return, however! ;) See you soon!

Pattonhead replied: Awwww, we’ll miss you!!!!!!! Have fun!!!!!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: goodbye, ro. stay safe, and tell me when you get back.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I shall miss you very much, my love.

Pattonhead replied: You can’t really see him because we’re texting, but Virge is blushing like a tomato and I felt it important that you know :)

Pattonhead replied: [image]

Pattonhead replied: See?

Logicallylo replied: Oh my gosh I love you.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: this is complete and utter betrayal?!?!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: aaaAAAAWWWWW! Baabeeeeee, you have a crush on me?!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: we’re dating, andy

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: that was an easy one, it doesn’t count!

Pattonhead replied: Oh my gosh you totally have a crush on him!!!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: if i’m being made fun of, it totally counts.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: We’re not making fun of you! It’s just adorable, that’s all!

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: [image]

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: This face can make many a man swoon ;)

Logicallylo replied: If it helps, his cheeks are a bit flushed as well. You can see in the image.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Wow thanks Lo?? Honestly why would you point that out???

Anxiousanxietyart replied: that doesn’t help??????? it’s only worse now?????? you are e v i l

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Chaotic good, love. We’ve discussed this?

Logicallylo replied: Lawful neutral myself.

Pattonhead replied: Neutral good! :D

Anxiousanxietyart replied: chaotic neutral.

Logicallylo replied: Somehow, the fact that I am the only lawful one makes sense…

———————

Pattonhead: Viiiiiiiiirgiiilllllll

Anxiousanxietyart: yes?

Pattonhead: I miss Logannnnn

Anxiousanxietyart: i know. i miss roman too.

Pattonhead: I just wish they were here, y’kno?

Anxiousanxietyart: yeah. i know.

Anxiousanxietyart: wanna have a game night?

Pattonhead: Anytime, kiddo :)

———————

Pattonhead: I’m going to the store, want anything?

Anxiousanxietyart: a soul

Pattonhead: ...kiddo, I have 5 dollars

Anxiousanxietyart: what were you gonna buy with 5 dollars?

Pattonhead: Chips.

Anxiousanxietyart: chips… don’t cost 5 dollars…

Pattonhead: ...chips.

Anxiousanxietyart: i’ll be there in a sec

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: I AM HERE, I AM QUEER, AND I HAVE RETURNED FROM MY QUEST! Did you miss me? (oh, and @logicallylo ‘s here too)

Pattonhead replied: LOGAN!!!!!!!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUUUCHHHHHH

Logicallylo replied: I missed you too, Patton. A lot.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: hey, ro.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: VIIIIIIIRGILLLLLL!!! Did you miss me?

Anxiousanxietyart replied: no.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: ?!?!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i’m kidding! yeah, missed you.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Missed you too, my cruel and heartless love.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i’m not cruel and heartless.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I know that you are anything but.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: facetime me?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Of course, my dear Virgil.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted a video: In celebration of returning from a week-long hiatus, here’s a video of me singing! I chose A Whole New World because it’s Disney and it won the wheel spin of fun songs to sing haha! Enjoy!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i’m dead. you’ve killed me.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Haha thanks babe

Anxiousanxietyart replied: you? just? keep murdering me? in cold blood? honestly

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: It’s what I do best ;)

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Ughhhhhhhh help meeeeeee

Anxiousanxietyart: what’s happening? You ok?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Just having a bad day…

Anxiousanxietyart: wanna talk about it?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Just have writers block and no play rehearsal because I got the most HORRENDOUS cold and Logan is out doing things and I’m alone and in pain and bored and these few days before the new Starbound are always the most terrible and I’m just uuuughhhhhh

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m sorry, ro. anything i can do to help?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Just being here is amazing, thanks <3

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Also wanna have a Harry Potter marathon with me?

Anxiousanxietyart: how could i refuse?

Anxiousanxietyart: facetime?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I don’t really feel like my normal magnificent Princey self…

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m pretty sure that you could never be anything near less than godly in looks.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: aww, thanks

Anxiousanxietyart: besides, i see worse every time i look in a mirror.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: nO BABE

Anxiousanxietyart: kidding, i had to say that, i’ll call you

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Thanks for binge watching Harry Potter with me, Virge. I owe you one.

Anxiousanxietyart: no problem, love.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oh my gooooshhhhh

Anxiousanxietyart: did i do something wrong?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: NO

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: HEAVENS NO

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m just

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: you killed me

Anxiousanxietyart: oh my gosh

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: I’m deaded

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Slain

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: By my own boyfriend

Anxiousanxietyart: you’re so lucky i love you

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Aodkdjdakkdkslskdjdk

Anxiousanxietyart: :)

———————

Pattonhead posted: TODAYTODAYTODAAAYYYY!!! :D

Anxiousanxietyart replied: wow, I wonder if he’s excited

Logicallylo replied: Of course he is, Virgil. It is rather obvious. I’d have thought you’d have noticed. No need to wonder.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: sarcastic.

Logicallylo replied: Ah. Very well.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: Thou art a bunch of liars! All of you are most excited as well, I know this with absolute certanity!

Logicallylo replied: Certainty, and falsehood. I am not excited. I have no emotions.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I saw you dance in your room earlier. Don’t lie.

Logicallylo replied: Falsehood. That was you. I saw you.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: i never said i wasn’t excited. only a fool wouldn’t be.

Logicallylo replied: ...I suppose I shall concede a point to you. I do feel an adequate amount of excitement to read the newest book of Starbound.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: yeeEEEESSSSSS!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: woo.

Logicallylo replied: Are you satisfied?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces replied: I WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED

Anxiousanxietyart replied: god i hope you’re satisfieeeddd

Pattonhead replied: AAAAAAAAAA VIRGE TIME TO GO GET IT NOW!!!!!!!!

Anxiousanxietyart replied: coming.

———————

Logan walked into the crowded bookstore with low expectations, if any.

Roman had, of course, come down with a cold, but nothing was going to stop him from running down to the bookstore himself if Logan didn't go and get them both copies of Starbound: Awaken, so here he was. Alone. In a social setting.

Why was he here again?

Ugh, there was a line. He walked over to stand in it. While waiting, he pulled out his phone to check Tumblr. Roman was complaining on the dash about being sick, Virgil was retaliating with sass, and Patton was being cute with puppy and kitten photos and energy in the corner. Logan held back a laugh. He really loved his friends.

He turned off his phone and surveyed the people around him. There were kids with parents dressed up as Peri and Xaer and Vect and all the other characters, making Logan smile a little. One confused adult was dressed as Luke Skywalker, which made him sigh a little. Honestly.

He made his way to the front of the line, purchased two copies of the book, and began making his way towards the exit. The smell of new books was particularly strong in this bookstore, and Logan stopped to stand and enjoy it a while. He was about to continue walking when he could have sworn he heard the most familiar voice.

"C'mon, kiddo! Let’s get in line! Aaaa I'm so excited!"

"I can't tell at all..."

Logan's head swiveled around 180 degrees like R2-D2's. Standing there was a pair that looked too good to be true. There was no way Patton and Virgil could possibly be here. It just wasn't logical. And yet, a purple-hoodie-clad back and another with a blue shirt and gray cat hoodie tied around his shoulders were standing there, chatting animatedly.

"No way in Crofters," he muttered to himself, staring at the two. And yet, there must have been a way in Crofters, as they were there, weren't they?

He was debating the pros and cons of approaching them (Venn diagram and all) when Roman called. He took that as a sign to leave, but made a mental note of this day.

Logan had a lot to think about.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: How about them Starbound?

Anxiousanxietyart: it was very good.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: GOOD?! It was INFURIATINGLY AMAZING! SPECTACULAR!

Anxiousanxietyart: good.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Oy vey. You’re lucky I love you.

Anxiousanxietyart: ahsidjsndhshhsidiska

Anxiousanxietyart: why.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: You know you love iiiittttt :)

Anxiousanxietyart: i know nothing except hatred.

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: As Logan would say,

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: FALSEHOOD!

Anxiousanxietyart: how often does he say that?

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: More than you could possibly know.

———————

Starbound-Big-Bang posted: Friendly reminder that you have one more week before posting time! Authors: You must have your fanfics done and above the word limit. Artists: You must have your drawings/projects done and ready for posting.

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: gUESS WHO TOTALLY FINISHED HIS FINAL DRAFT?!

Anxiousanxietyart: oh congrats! i’ll read it in a sec

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: it’s very good, congrats

Disneynbroadwaynprinces: Aww thanks! Call me?

Anxiousanxietyart: of course

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted: Only 3 days ‘til Showtime!

Pattonhead replied: Break a leg, kiddo! :D

Anxiousanxietyart replied: what pat said. you got this, ro.

Logicallylo replied: Fracture a femur.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: ????

Logicallylo replied: It WAS break a leg, but I improved it.

Anxiousanxietyart replied: ...never say that again.

———————

Logicallylo: Virgil, may I have a word?

Anxiousanxietyart: what is it?

Logicallylo: You are aware that Roman is to do the thing where he makes a fool of himself in front of others while pretending to not be himself?

Anxiousanxietyart: ...you mean acting?

Logicallylo: Yes, that is what I said.

Anxiousanxietyart: how could I not know?

Logicallylo: And are you aware that I believe that we do not live too far away from each other?

Anxiousanxietyart: ...how would you know that?

Logicallylo: I… may have seen you and Patton at the bookstore…

Anxiousanxietyart: WHAT

Logicallylo: On the day Starbound: Awaken released.

Anxiousanxietyart: which bookstore?!

Logicallylo: Formerly a Bruegger's Bagels

Anxiousanxietyart: and you were going to tell me WHEN?!

Logicallylo: It slipped my mind.

Anxiousanxietyart: it. slipped. your. mind.

Logicallylo: I wasn’t positive it was you.

Anxiousanxietyart: why didn’t you SAY anything?!

Logicallylo: You left before I could approach you.

Anxiousanxietyart: and how did you conclude that we don’t live too far away from each other?

Logicallylo: Roman and I live only a block away from the bookstore, and you and Patton appear to have walked. You are too lazy to have walked more than a mile, even with Patton’s puppy eyes as a factor, as well as the fact that it’s the newest Starbound. Hence, not too far.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...i could have been visiting from australia. i could have wanted some exercise for once. heck, i could be a serial killer. i know where you live now!

Logicallylo: You didn’t have an Australian accent, we are in the same time zone anyway, I don’t think that’s likely, and I highly doubt you’re a serial killer, as we’ve known each other for too long and too well. Also, you don’t know exactly where I live, as I didn’t give you the address.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...logical, as always.

Logicallylo: Of course. Necktie.

Anxiousanxietyart: what were you going to ask me?

Logicallylo: Virgil, Roman has his play in a week. It is at the school auditorium.

Anxiousanxietyart: …no.

Logicallylo: Whyever not?

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Anxiousanxietyart: i’m just anxious

Logicallylo: This is not news to me. You are always anxious.

Anxiousanxietyart: ...yes, but

Logicallylo: Your name is AnxiousAnxiety.

Logicallylo: There is an “art” in there as well, but it is not beneficial or necessary to the point I am attempting to make.

Anxiousanxietyart: yes, but

Logicallylo: So why won’t you come to see Roman preform?

Anxiousanxietyart: it’s just…

Logicallylo: You can tell me.

Anxiousanxietyart: i’ve known him for 5 months, and we’ve only ever talked here or on the phone. the thought of meeting him in person, it just…

Logicallylo: It seems daunting. Final. Real. I know.

Anxiousanxietyart: yeah, exactly.

Logicallylo: You don’t have to come. It would be fine if you didn’t. However, for Roman’s sake and yours, please consider it.

Anxiousanxietyart: …

Logicallylo: Just consider. That’s all I ask.

Anxiousanxietyart: alright. but if i die, i’m blaming you.

Logicallylo: I wouldn’t expect you not to.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart: Hey, ro.

Anxiousanxietyart: so, today's the day. showtime.

Anxiousanxietyart: i know you won't be able to read this until later, because you're backstage preparing and all, but i wanted to tell you

Anxiousanxietyart: break a leg, ro.

Anxiousanxietyart: i know as well as you that you'll do amazing, and you will rock this show, you hear? you'll blow us all away with your splendor.

Anxiousanxietyart: you always were too much for anyone, and you're so energetic and alive, and i

Anxiousanxietyart: i just really love you.

Anxiousanxietyart: i had to tell you that before the show started.

Anxiousanxietyart: break a leg. you'll be amazing.

Anxiousanxietyart: you truly are a star.

———————

The theater was dim, as one would expect.

It was packed, as one would not.

At least not from a 7-person show in the auditorium of a school that was only available for this one night. There were plenty of seats, and there was an actual stage with actual curtains obscuring it, which was honestly all it really needed to set the theatre mood, at least in Virgil's opinion.

He and Patton were roaming the isles, looking for a person they'd never actually spoken to in real life, in the same place, not on the phone. The murmur of hundreds of whispers at once was somehow almost deafening. It was certainly overwhelming, whatever else it was, and if was all Virgil could do to keep calm.

‘it's okay, you've got this, you're only going to go see your boyfriend for the first time in the same room as him, no biggie,’ he thought. This did not calm him.

"C'mon, kiddo! You excited?" Patton was bouncing up and down on his toes, clutching his gift bag (containing two homemade plushies) with all his strength. No points for guessing if he was excited at all.

"Yeah..." Virgil brushed some stray violet strands of hair out of his eyes and sank further into his hoodie. Patton looked at him, concerned.

"You alright there, Virge?"

"Just anxious… More than usual, I mean."

Before Patton could respond, his phone rang. When he answered it (the ringtone was the Baby Bumblebee song; Pat had great ringtones for all his friends. Virgil's was the Little Einsteins theme song (why? no one knows.), and Roman's was I’ll Make a Man Out of You), his face lit up.

"Heya Lolo!" Patton listened intently for a few moments, during which Virgil could barely make out Logan's voice on the other end of the call.

"Mhmm... Uh huh... Okay... Alrightie!... Love you!... See ya in a sec!" Patton hung up and turned to Virgil.

"He's in Row G, Seats 7-9. C'mon!"

If Virgil wanted to turn and run out the door screaming, he couldn't have. Patton had him by the arm in an iron grip. There was no escape.

Patton tugged him at a run to the seats, which were full of people. However, Patton had eyes for only one person.

"Logan?"

A man turned, his glasses glinting in the light. His hair was blue in the dim light despite being black, the ends lighter and in need of a re-dyeing, and his expression, which had been neutral yet nervous, now sported a fond smile.

"Patton?"

Said boy ran and tackled Logan in a flying hug. Virgil was content to watch.

"LOGAN!!!!!!!!" Logan was unable to reply, his face being smushed into the shoulder of Patton.

"Mmph," he managed to get out.

Virgil felt like he was massively intruding on a private moment.

“Um, I’m just gonna go over there, away from here.”

Logan said something that might’ve been “You do that,” but also may have been “I like hat” or “potato fat”.

Virgil edged past them, giving Logan a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he did so. He headed to his seat, and read over the program (it was a folded piece of paper with the show on the front and the cast list and people-who-helped list inside) in boredom. At one point he opened his phone and scrolled through Tumblr a bit, but he couldn’t concentrate. His nerves were up so high they’d breached the atmosphere and now couldn’t breathe because they didn’t have spacesuits.

He turned off his phone, sighing. There was nothing for him to do now but sit, wait, and check and double check and triple check that his bag was still there.

Minutes passed, and the lights did not dim, the chatter did not stop, and Logan and Patton had not returned. They were probably still catching up.

‘Or they’ve been kidnapped. Or they’re dead. Or they’re lost. Or they’ve abandoned you. Or they’re—’

“VIRGIL!”

Patton, hand in hand with Logan, was heading towards him. His freckled face was very flushed, his curly hair mussed up a little. He was waving, and almost pulling Logan behind him as he walked. Logan also appeared to be holding the gift bag Patton had given him.

“I’m baaaack!”

“I noticed.”

Logan looked a little sheepish. “Salutations, Virgil. Apologies for not greeting you earlier. I was, er, occupied.”

“No biggie,” replied Virgil, grinning. He then hugged Logan, who seemed to be a little more unaware of how these things went than he was.

They headed to their seats, chatting about life, the universe, and pie. Lots of pie.

“Pumpkin!”

“Chocolate is obviously the best!”

“No, pecan pie!”

“You’ve never even had pecan pie.”

“I know it’s good!”

“You’re allergic to nuts.”

“...it’s good!”

“Pumpkin is still the best.”

“Objectively, chocolate has the best taste.”

This discussion had been carrying on for a while when the lights finally dimmed. Virgil elbowed Logan (he wasn’t sitting next to him, but he would have rather been sucked into the dark, cold, unforgiving void than accidentally hurt Patton) to get him to stop ranting about chocolate pie and shut up.

“Shh! It’s starting!” He hissed. Patton and Logan instantly shut up, and soon, so did the rest of the theater.

There was a pause.

Then, the curtains opened.

The play began.

Virgil sat up anything-but-straight in his seat.

There, onstage, in real life for the first time, was Roman, as animated and alive as possible up in front of hundreds of people.

It was impossible to see the details of his face (beyond "beautiful") through the makeup and lighting, but it was unmistakably him. The energy was too alive and purely Roman to be anything but him. The hair was the precise shade of Roman's, the infectious grin was the same, the singing voice was obviously his. It was a judgement no one needed talent to make.

Also, Virgil knew this play. He knew who Roman was in this play. He couldn't NOT figure it out.

Whichever friend was playing Marvin started singing about being an idiot, but he wasn’t paying attention. He just kept staring at Roman, on the side, watching Marvin, still in character. Obviously. This was Roman. He had enough acting focus for all the people in this room, and then some.

When Roman actually stood up and started having an actual singing part in “Thrill of First Love,” Virgil nearly died.

"Shall we head out for chocolate?" Logan suggested.

Neither Patton nor Virgil was one to turn down chocolate.

They exited the theater, and were overwhelmed instantly by the crowds you only seem to find during intermission: every single one desiring candy, not enough time for everyone to be fortunate enough to get some.

It was quite overwhelming, and Virgil decided that Logan and Patton could be left alone for the sake of him getting a moment of relief.

"I'm going to hide over there, can you get me some MNMs?" He asked. “I’m just gonna get away from people for a little bit.”

Patton nodded, and Virgil took that as his cue to leave.

He walked away, dodging crowds and clumps of clustered humans, huddled together so as not to lose each other. He did his best to avoid contact with them; fleeting touches were hard to deal with emotionally. He managed to make it to the bathroom, where he figured he could be alone for a few moments.

Virgil stepped into the bathroom, and collided with a blur of a person.

“Oh, pardon me!”

“It was my fault.”

Virgil separated himself from the stranger, and made it a full 5 seconds before halting.

“...wait...”

He spun around at the same time as the “stranger”. His green-brown eyes were wide with surprise and recognition.

“Roman?”

“Virgil?”

“Oh my gosh it’s you!” Virgil exclaimed, eyes widening even more than he’d thought possible. Roman ran at him and wrapped him in a huge hug. Virgil hugged back, burying his head in Roman’s shoulder as he did his very best to hold back tears.

He was not prepared for this.

When they finally separated, they each kept their hands on the other’s shoulders, not ever wanting to let go of each other, even for a moment. They just looked at each other for a full one minute, not sure what to say.

“You’re still in costume,” Virgil said.

“You’re still wearing that same hoodie you always are,” said Roman, and hearing his voice and touching him and seeing him talk and him being right there, right now was just too much.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one on the verge of tears here, because if I’m the only one crying, it will be really bad.”

“Are you kidding?” Roman laughed. “If I smudge my stage makeup, I’m gonna be really upset, and so will everyone else in this gosh darn ding dang show, but they’ll just have to deal with it because I just saw my gosh darn ding dang boyfriend for the first time, in real life, so heck yeah I’m gonna cry!”

“Oh thank goodness you’re gonna cry too, I’m gonna return to Logan and Patton with smudged eyeliner and they’re gonna be so confused.”

They both laughed, wiping at their eyes. When they finally calmed down, they just kind of stared at each other some more, drinking each other in.

Roman was the one to break the silence. “Oh, here!” He fished around in his pocket. “I accidentally put the eyeliner in my pocket instead of back in the makeup bag,” he explained. “Can’t do anything about the eyeshadow, but from your selfies, I’m pretty sure at least some havoc there is normal.”

Virgil snorted. “Alright. Eyeliner me up.”

Eyeliner him up Roman did. A few moments later and Virgil had wings so sharp they could cut a man.

“There!” Roman exclaimed when done. “Your makeup-strewn beautiful mess of a face is no longer makeup-strewn!”

“Wow, thanks.”

He suddenly realized that Roman had not pulled back, and was still very much in Virgil’s space bubble. Normally the space bubble was a holy, sacred space. This was not one of those times.

They were staring at each other. Virgil could see the flecks of gold in the depths of Roman’s eyes.

He was truly extraordinary.

Finally, Virgil had had enough, and pulled Roman in by the face. Their lips met with all the pent-up passion of many months of desire. He was filled with a kind of happiness and love he'd never even thought possible.

Inevitably, regretfully, they parted. Both faces were flushed. Cheeks were very red beneath white foundation (Virgil) and loads of stage makeup (Roman).

"Ah, shoot!" Roman cursed. "I must take my leave—I must be behind the stage by the time intermission is almost over. They only let us out for bathroom breaks, and even then time is tight. My apologies, Virgil."

"I get it, Ro. The show needs you." Part of Virgil wanted to scream 'but I want you to stay here with me!', but he couldn't make himself do it. Also, his brain was short-circuiting a little. He had kissed Roman. Roman had kissed him. His brain would never work right again.

"I shall see you in a bit, then!" Roman kissed his cheek quickly, and the space where his lips touched was suddenly the place where his blood wanted to be at this moment. "Or rather," continued Roman, "you'll see me." He winked.

"Uhh," Virgil said, very intelligently.

"See you later, alligator." Roman swished out of the room with a flourish he was certainly quite proud of.

"Uhh, crocodile."

He was ruined. Ruined.

When he got back to his friends (whose hair was not as neat as it once was, but if you thought Virgil was going to point that out, you also probably thought the Percy Jackson movies were good), any hope of them not noticing his slightly messed-up makeup was shattered.

"What happened to your face?" Patton asked.

"Um, so I think I just saw Roman."

Logan tilted his head. "How do you know?"

"I made out with him in the doorway to the bathroom."

Patton squealed. "Wait, really?!"

"Why and how would I make this up?!"

Patton made some more incoherent excited noises. Logan cleared his throat.

"You were sure it was him, correct?"

"Don't worry, I didn't kiss some random stranger. He was in costume too. And he looked exactly like Roman. And sounded like him. And talked like him."

"If it looks like a tomato, smells like a tomato, sounds like a tomato, it's an orange!" Patton said.

"That's... not how it goes..." Logan sighed. "You're lucky I love you."

Patton smiled and leaned his head on Logan's shoulder. "Love you too, honeybee."

"I feel like I'm intruding," said Virgil. "Should I maybe leave?"

That's when the lights dimmed again. Apparently not.

The curtains parted, and there stood Mendel, waiting to begin the second act.

“Homosexuals!”

Mendel was pointing at them. He was freaking pointing his little airplane guide things at them.

Did he know anything?

Mendel winked at them before continuing.

Curse you, Roman.

The rest of the show went quite smoothly (and bonus, Virgil learned just how attractive Roman was with sunglasses: very attractive indeed). By the end, Patton, the only one who didn't know what was coming (Virgil was a theatre nerd and Logan was the brother of another), was sobbing openly. Virgil was, for the first time, grateful for his earlier cry. It helped to hide the tears streaking down his face at the moment. Even Logan was trying to hide that he, too, had shed more than a single tear. Lo, you good ol' liar.

Roman’s voice was beautiful, as usual.

Even when what he was singing was heartbreaking.

Many tears were shed that night.

By the time the show was done, and the cast ran out for bows, there wasn’t a dry eye in sight. A roar of applause sounded around the theatre, and Virgil could feel his hands hurting from clapping so hard. One person stood up. Then another. A tidal wave of people rose to their feet, and Virgil was among them. He couldn’t have resisted if he wanted to.

In the spotlight, Roman seemed to thrive on the cheers and applause of the audience. He had never looked better, more comfortable in his own skin (which was ironic, because he was just acting).

He was, simply, stunning.

The journey from the theatre to the overcrowded hallway was a blur of wow. Logan and Patton were chatting (read: consoling Patton as he sobbed into Logan’s shoulder), but Virgil was in a daze and didn’t pay attention.

He certainly rectified that when he saw a specific, familiar grin and eyes like the prized jewels of power in some fantasy novel.

“ROMANNNNNN!!!!!” Patton ran and hugged Roman, then was confused when no one else joined him.

“Am I the only one?”

Logan cleared his throat. “I’ve known him long than any other combination of two people here have known each other.”

“And I just met him for the first time. Sorta kinda.” Virgil thought for a moment. “Is it the first time? Or not? How does this work?”

“You cannot fool me with the play I just starred in!” Roman smirked. “Oh, also, who knows? I certainly do not.”

“You know nothing.”

Roman let out an offended noise. “Rude!”

Virgil snorted. “What else is new?”

Roman looked him up and down slowly. “For once, the fact that you are actually here, in person.”

“What are you going to do with me now that I’m here?” Virgil asked.

He was answered with a smirk. “Well, first—”

“You’re going to accompany us to the nearest restaurant,” Logan interrupted, “where we will have a nice dinner, free of any icky romantic-type shenanigans. After that, you are free to do as you wish, without informing me about it, and certainly without me right here. Witnessing it. With my eyes. Which need bleach now.”

“Any romantic shenanigans?” Patton and Roman asked, for completely different reasons.

“Any. At all.”

“Pretty sure you don’t really think you can stop them…” Virgil pointed out.

Logan sighed. “I am aware. However, that will not prevent me from trying.”

“Fair enough.”

Roman raised his hand. “I vote Crunchy & Emerald!” He fingergunned at Virgil. “I hear the mac n cheese is excellent there.”

“Oy vey.” Despite his words, Virgil was smiling, and his tone was fond.

“Sounds good to me!” Patton nodded.

Logan shrugged. “Why not?”

Roman extended his arm to Virgil. It was a very olden-timey gesture. It was also adorable. “We never did finish that game of 20 questions, did we?”

Virgil grinned, taking his boyfriend’s arm. “That is indeed not something that we did.”

“I believe it’s your turn to ask a question.”

“Nah. Can you start?”

“I will gladly do that, love.”

“Shall we?”

“We shall.”

———————

Disneynbroadwaynprinces posted:

OF SEA AND SHORE

Summary: Xaer, heir to the mer kingdom, wished for more than a life of sitting (or hovering above) a throne. Vect, prince of the mainland, wanted adventure and exploration. Peri just wanted a nap in the seaweed.

Word count: 34716

Warnings: Drowning (or rather, almost-drowning), water, sharks, blood in said water, a gigantic octopus lady

A/N: At Last, posting time has arrived! I have waited anxiously for the time to come to share this with you, and now you can see for yourself! Art by my lovely boyfriend and partner for the Bang, @AnxiousAnxietyArt , is here! Enjoy!

It was all quiet under the cover of night and dark waters.

———————

Anxiousanxietyart posted a photo/photos:

here’s the art for the starbound big bang. My partner was @disneynbroadwaynprinces , and his fic can be found here.

———————

EPILOGUE

When Virgil went to ring the doorbell, he almost hesitated. For the first time since Roman and Logan had taken a trip 3 months ago to go see about 10 million musicals in New York and summer break ended, Virgil was going to see his boyfriend again. What if Roman didn't still love him? What if he was possessed? What if he got SQUIPped over the summer? What if—

Patton pushed the doorbell with enough enthusiasm and energy to power China for three years.

Okay then.

Virgil had just enough time to wonder why the doorbell was apparently the "Ma-na-ma-na" song from The Muppets (possibly from Patton messing with it) when the door opened and a very familiar voice yelled his name.

"VIRGIL!"

He was pulled into a tight embrace by his boyfriend. Virgil hugged Roman tight, ignoring the tears leaking past his eyelids. He was barely aware of Patton edging past him to greet Logan. You do that, Patton. I'll just stay right here.

"I missed you," Virgil whispered.

"I missed you too," replied Roman, dipping Virgil and kissing him passionately (like everything else he did). Any stray ends of thought that may have been there instantly vanished, gone into the void. There was only Roman, the reality of him, he who lives in fantasy. His chest filled with a jumble of emotions, and for once he didn't try to repress them.

When they finally broke apart, both were content to stand there, basking in the presence of each other. Neither wanted to break the silence.

"So, we watching this thing or not?" Virgil said finally. There would be plenty of time for saying all that needed to be said, doing all that needed to be done, all of that later.

"Not so fast, mister." Roman looked stern, but also like he wanted to laugh. "Where's that art you promised me?"

"Aren't I art enough?" Virgil joked.

"Well, yes, but a promise is a promise! Fulfill your oath, or you shall feel my wrath!"

"Spicy."

"What??"

"Nothing." Virgil reached into his bag and brought out a piece of paper that had been looked at many times over the course of the last month.

Roman stared at it. It was an image of the day the two had met the first time, Roman onstage, in his costume, radiant. He was utterly spectacular. In the spotlight, he seemed to glow.

“I—Virgil, this is…”

“Full of mistakes and terrible line art, yes, I know.”

“Shut up!” Roman’s face was very, very red. Normally, Virgil would have teased him, but something stopped him. Maybe it was the expression on Roman’s face, maybe it was how he turned to look at Virgil, maybe it was the star struck look in his eyes, maybe it was—

Maybe it was the fact that Logan chose to speak up just then.

"Come over here, you horrifyingly sappy gays! It’s starting!" Logan was standing on the doorway, arms crossed as he looked at the pair. They jumped apart, surprised, the drawing fluttering to the floor. It landed face-up.

"Rude!" Roman yelled back.

Virgil placed his arm on Roman’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go join the others.”

Roman nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.”

They walked over to join a frantically-bouncing-up-and-down Patton on a couch with Logan, who looked extremely calm for the situation.

Roman settled himself on a comfortable armchair. Virgil perched on the armrest of said armchair.

"Why are you on the armrest?" Roman asked. “You're not an arm. You would be the blue lion, if anything. You’d be a leg. The leg of Voltron, but still a leg.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Because places that aren't meant to be sat on are always more comfortable than regular chairs. Duh."

“Oh, of course.”

Patton bounced even higher and faster, if that was possible. “Come on come on come ooooonnnnnn! Starbound is here!!!”

Logan stared at his boyfriend, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Did you happen to have any sugar within the last 24 hours?”

“...maybe…”

Virgil sighed. “I told you not to, Pat!”

“But there were MnMs! I had to have the MnMs!” Patton protested, not slowing down in his frantic movements.

Logan kissed his cheek. “Patton, I love you, but that was a very illogical decision.”

“I knoooowwwww, but MnMs!”

“There is only one way to resolve this conflict!” Roman declared. He ran into the other room, returning a minute later with a bag full of marshmallows.

“Ro, what the heckety heck are you doing?” Virgil asked.

“We must ALL eat excessive amounts of sugar in order to have Patton be less hyper by comparison!” He ripped open the bag and tossed a marshmallow into his mouth with ease.

Logan raised his hand. “That would be not only quite damaging to your health, but also illogical.” Logan walked over to Roman and stuck his hand into the marshmallow bag, grabbing a large handful.

“I cannot allow you and Virgil to consume this entire bag. It would be bad. Also, the fact that the amount of sugar in a few MnMs is quite different to the amount of sugar in marshmallows is quite different. To even it up more, we must all eat marshmallows.”

He stuffed the entire handful of gooey marshmallows into his face.

Well.

Virgil burst out laughing as Roman stood there, looking scandalized at the actions of Logan. “How dare?”

Patton made grabby hands. “Can I have some marshmallows?”

Logan grabbed one (prompting more protests from Roman) and gave it to his boyfriend. They all settled back down in their seats, prepared for what was coming.

Khoshekh ran into the room, meowing. He made a flying cat leap onto Virgil’s lap, purring contentedly. How he perched there when Virgil was sitting on the edge of a chair, no one knew. He was a cat. Cats make their own rules.

Logan, who was (after a unanimous decision) in control of the remote, set up the TV. A few minutes later, everything was up and running and ready.

Virgil put his arm around his boyfriend and cuddled him close. “Ironic, isn’t it?” He laughed softly. “This is what brought us all together.”

Roman leaned into Virgil’s touch. “Yeah. To think that we’re here now, it feels… right.” He kissed his boyfriend’s cheek.

Patton paused his bouncing long enough to nod excitedly in agreement  and give Logan a long hug. Logan closed his eyes and attempted to kiss Patton, but by then he’d resumed his bouncing.

“I can’t believe Logan is dead,” Roman whispered in his ear.

Virgil shook his head. “Rip Logan. He will be missed.”

Logan the corpse leaned over to punch Roman’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“Shutting up now, sir.” Roman smirked and pantomimed zipping his lips.

“Let’s watch this thing!” Patton exclaimed, making grabby hands for the remote. If Logan didn’t start it soon, he would do it himself.

Lo finally managed to kiss Patton’s cheek. “Alright, let us begin.”

He pressed play.

[minaminokyoko]

Venom: A Spoilertastic Review (that is mostly just a rant)

When the end credits to the Venom movie started, just as Eminem began his embarrassingly uninspired rapping, I turned my head to one of my two friends and asked her, "What the hell did I just put into my eyeballs?"

To be frank, Venom is one of the most peculiar, bizarre, baffling films I've seen in years.

I want to preface this review by saying I was against this idea when it was announced. I thought it was beyond idiotic to make a film about a supervillain whose entire creation hinges on a certain Webhead, and since Sony lent him out to Marvel Studios (the only smart fucking decision they've made in probably over a decade, imo), they went off half-cocked with the hair-brained idea that they could create an anti-hero solo flick for Venom instead. To some degree, sure, they were warranted because the general audience these days has low fucking standards and if you put the words "comic book movie" in front of them, they're usually going to lap it up no matter how terrible it is. After all, fandom doesn't care about things being accurate anymore, by this point, if you dangle fresh meat like Tom Hardy riding a motorcycle in front of them. As long as there's an attractive person at the helm, fandom will just adopt it as canon and ignore any red flags, as they have already done. That being said, I still think this is one of the most blatantly stupid things done for money and for notoriety from any studio toting around a popular comic book character.

Is Venom as bad as legendary awful comic book movies like Catwoman, The Spirit, Batman & Robin, Daredevil, Green Lantern, or Spawn?

Well, no.

And that's almost the only positive thing I can report about it, personally. 

In short, Venom is inept. That's the word I'd choose, aside from bizarre. It has no fucking clue what it's doing at any given time, from start to finish. It's too wacky to be serious, too serious to be a parody or satire, too mature for kids, too childish for adults, too mainstream for nerds, and too nerdy for mainstream. It's just a piping hot fucking mess.

So let's dive into why. Spoiler alert.

Overall Rating: D

Pros:

-Note: I am being very fucking generous by giving this movie points for anything at all, just so y'all know.

-It's not boring. Other comic book movies that have failed, whether it's the really bad kind or just the mediocre kind, have failed worse than this movie simply because at least there aren't any dead periods. Venom doesn't have awful pacing, even with its sloppy, uneven story. It moves along at a steady rate and you can never accuse it of being a borefest like Superman Returns or something. Even though most of it is incomprehensible from a story standpoint, it keeps your attention throughout.

-The doctor boyfriend surprisingly averted the usual stereotype/archetype for this kind of story. For example, in the first Ant Man, the cop boyfriend who is with Scott's baby mama is a smug, overprotective dickhead who later gets better. Most of the time when a main couple breaks up, the girl picks some douchebag who is either so much better than her former lover that it just feels insulting or it's just a one-dimensional asshole for us to hate so we want the two of them to get back together. Hell, doctor boyfriend was actually TOO nice and understanding and helpful. There is no way in hell I'd have stuck it out after seeing Eddie bite the head off a goddamn lobster. I'd have sent his ass to a mental hospital immediately, fuck the regular hospital. That being said, I like the movie averting the trope. It was a welcome change and was awfully refreshing too.

-Even though this is one of his strangest fucking performances to date, Tom Hardy is doing what he always does and gives 110% to a film that really doesn't even deserve him. I've already been hearing rumors that he's not pleased with the final product and that doesn't surprise me, but he does what he can with that awful script and I appreciate the effort. In fact, the only reason I sat through this turd is for Tom Hardy. He is a dedicated, talented actor and even when he's in tripe, he's still busting his beautiful ass to make the best of it anyway. I like him a lot and I'd go to bat for him any day, which is the only reason I coughed up the money for Venom when I knew damn well it'd be a trainwreck.

-The effects are at least decent. Not always. But Venom and the symbiotes actually feel as if they're really there and it's not just the actors staring at a ball on a stick. I appreciate it, since Sony goes in and out of quality regarding CGI.

-Despite the fucking travesty of a fake clown wig on his head, Woody Harrelson is an excellent choice for Cletus Kasady. Everyone knows that. I just hope they get him a better hairpiece next time, sheesh.

Cons:

-Jesus fucking Christ, where do I fucking start?

-Plotholes. This movie doesn't have plotholes--it has plot canyons. It's plothole Inception, for God's sake, with holes inside of fucking holes. It's so clear that the movie doesn't give a rat's ass about anything because there are some of the most ridiculous moments you're expected to swallow with the power of Willing Suspension of Disbelief. It's why it took me a whole two days to try and write a review/analysis of the film. There is so much wrong with it that I frankly wasn't sure where to start and how to process it all. The best I can try to do considering the overwhelming number of holes in the story is go chronologically. First off, Eddie stealing Blondie's confidential documents (Note: Michelle Williams' character was so bland and unimportant I can't remember her name and I don't care to look it up because we all know she doesn't matter, so she is now Blondie) but then not doing his actual job as a journalist when making wild accusations is the first monumentally dumb thing in the film. Why the hell did he go through the trouble of breaching her personal security and trust if all he was going to do was rant about it to the Bad Guy without proof? What did he think it would accomplish? Why would you just confront the guy instead of looking for more proof? Plus, you stole that information, which means it's inadmissable in court since it was obtained illegally, so you still wouldn't have a case anyhow. Any writer with half a brain cell would simply have it so that Eddie read the document, became curious, and started snooping around Life Foundation himself looking for hard evidence that would stand up in court to get justice for the victims. The way they did it in the film makes no sense, but it's because they wanted to bust up the couple and make Eddie a "loser" to kickstart the rest of the film. Then, the girl who tattled on the Life Foundation 100% did not need Eddie Brock to do that. She had full access to the lab and the trust of her superior. All she had to do was document everything herself, send it to Eddie to pass along to his boss, and then skip town with her fucking kids to avoid being murdered. Hell, she could have given it to the authorities anonymously. Third, why after everything went tits up in the lab did she fucking return to the lab as if they wouldn't immediately know it was her? She was seen outside the lab seconds before Eddie set off the alarms and her palm print is recorded having opened the door to the lab. Why the fuck did she go back after she let Eddie in there with no way to cover her tracks? And then she actually told on herself and Eddie, which led to her death. I can't comprehend that level of stupidity at all. It's staggering. Because I'm trying not to turn this into a seven-page single spaced review, I'm just going to stop here and not try to point out all the other plotholes in detail, like the fact that the cops only get involved one time and are never seen again despite the fact that they'd be all over the explosions and missing people associated with the Life Foundation or Eddie's phone working perfectly after he swam under the fucking bridge or Eddie leaving his phone for his boss instead of just sending him the goddamn pictures or the symbiote magically knowing where Eddie was after they took him from the hospital. We'll be here all day if I keep going. I'll just reblog CinemaSins' eventual video of this movie and feel satisfied that way.

-The movie makes zero attempts at explaining anything about the symbiotes except for "they're vulnerable to fire and sound frequencies, need a host to survive, and eat brains." What is even stranger about the lack of explanation is that this isn't a long film. They could have easily added about ten minutes into the story to give us an overview of where they came from, what their world was like, how they found human contact, and why they were on that comet. All we can do is infer things, which pisses me off because this is YOUR story and YOUR new continuity that you just fucking made up on the fly, so I don't know the rules here and it's shitty of you to just gloss over it all. Why is it called Venom? Is that a translation from whatever the hell the symbiote was called on its own planet? Did it hear that somewhere and decide it liked the word? Why? Why does it get touchy if you call it a parasite when that is literally what it is? Is it like Ratigan from The Great Mouse Detective and it's just in denial? We have to guess that it knows whatever Eddie knows, but why does it have any conceptual knowledge of romance and relationships when it attempts to get Eddie to apologize to Blondie or when it says it "likes" her? Or that Eddie "changed its mind" at the end? And how can a symbiote even be a loser? That concept is almost universally human and it's a giant sentient piece of fucking tar? How can it possibly be a loser on its own planet? There is just no damn context for majority of the shit surrounding the symbiotes in the movie and it's all the more frustrating since we spend a great deal of time in the lab with them during the movie and yet we learn almost nothing.

-Eddie and the symbiote don't actually form a proper bond or partnership. This is one of the things that's irritating me about people who seem to have taken to the movie. I was told multiple times by people that the movie is stupid, but the repartee between Eddie and Venom is enjoyable. Not really, no. Are there quips? Yes, there are quips. But quips do not inherently create a bond. Anyone can bounce dialogue off each other. If said dialogue does not change the characters, then it's just lip service. Sadly, though, a lot of people don't notice that absolutely nothing between Eddie and Venom lines up. Venom helps Eddie survive the attacks, but is killing him in the process. It's self-interest alone. The truly confounding part is when they get Venom off of Eddie and find out Venom has basically been consuming Eddie's organs to stay alive inside him, Eddie acts betrayed and storms off, but then when Venom returns wearing Blondie as his guise, he just accepts it and they go off to the badly filmed climax. What the hell changed in between those scenes? Nothing. Eddie still runs the risk of dying being piloted by the symbiote, and while Eddie has motivation to stop Bad Guy (again, another character that is so thin I can't be bothered to learn his name) from bringing the symbiotes to earth, Venom is given zero reason to want that at all. As mentioned above, there's no backstory. Is Venom concerned his race will consume the earth? If so, who cares? There's seven billion people and Venom has already found Eddie, who is a suitable match for him to survive, so why does he care at all? Eddie would survive an invasion anyhow. It makes no damn sense. Films that have dealt with symbiotic relationships always establish a common ground at some point but Venom doesn't for some inexplicable reason. I'm incredibly frustrated that everyone's just going "tee hee, look, they're best friends now, it's cute" when in fact Eddie is just running around committing murder randomly without ever really contemplating how serious it is, even though he claims to only be eating bad people.

-Nitpick: Fridging two different female characters, the homeless lady and the Life Foundation tattletale, rubbed me entirely the wrong way. Both of them were in Eddie's vicinity, both die, and both are never brought up again or shown to have impacted Eddie's motivation or life. They are simply used and discarded, which is another thing that makes this movie feel so hollow.

-The tone is all over the fucking place. It can be argued that Venom never went full serious and is always sort of tongue-in-cheek, but there's just this ridiculous whiplash feeling when you watch it spike from an action scene to "wacky" Brock antics to Venom quips. Eddie's personality even before the symbiote is just confusing as hell. It's like stuffing a bunch of random character traits into one man and all of them are fighting to get out at once like the characters from Split. The most consistent thing is he's sarcastic, but even then his moods range far too widely to get a bead on him. He can be dry one minute and then frantic and excitable the next, and that's before the symbiote. After the symbiote, it's like they gave Tom Hardy cocaine and steroids. The man's acting is simply all over the damn place. He accepts near-impossible things sometimes with a shrug and other times he freaks out. The movie just doesn't know what the hell it's attempting to accomplish, and that's why mood and tone are important to set from the get-go with a film. It just slingshots between a faux-horror film and a snippy action flick over and over again until your head feels pulverized.

-The final action sequences is one of the dumbest, messiest things since Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It's an ugly, dark, jumbled up mess. It's so indistinguishable that Godzilla (2014) can take potshots at it. Why in perfect blue hell did they choose two symbiotes with such similar appearances to showdown with each other on top of a rocket at night? It's so hard to see what the two of them are doing, who is winning or losing, or what kind of movement is happening at all. We also are never given the full range of their abilities, so the only real stake is when they pull off their hosts and their bodies are vulnerable, but even then it appears that Venom can raise Eddie from the dead seconds later anyhow. I'm stunned the movie couldn't even do a fake out death properly, which is so fucking easy that even Disney can do it. Eddie dies and is revived in less than fifteen goddamn seconds. The camera doesn't even linger on his body to sell the emotion (not that we'd ever have one, he is just barely a character anyway) before it just takes it right the hell back. That's filmmaking 101, for God's sake, and the movie blows it too.

-The last scene in the movie. In its entirety. I haven't been that exasperated since I stupidly forced myself to watch Pacific Rim: Uprising. There are so many things wrong with it that it's hard to know how to tackle it. I don't care that Eddie stopped that guy from extorting the shop owner--he openly turned into a 10 foot tall alien and ate a guy in front of her, and the movie just laughs and shrugs like it's just totally fine, like that woman isn't about to lose her shit, call the cops, or fuck, the NSA/FBI/CIA/Avengers on Eddie for making her a witness to murder, and endangering pretty much anyone around them. To say nothing of the fact that there is no reason a 10 foot tall alien with a million sharp teeth needs to say a single word to threaten someone. You are the threat, buddy. Your existence is the threat. Why did you need to insist on threatening to bite things off? You're terrifying and nothing you say is going to somehow make you scarier, especially when you just ate the guy anyway. It's like they just made that scene for the final trailer, much like that "I thought she was with you" comment all the way back in Batman v. Superman despite in-canon it made no sense. It's so unnecessary. And don't get me started on the fact that the crook actually asked the giant alien who it is. Fuck you. That was a lazy, transparent attempt to spoonfeed the wretched cliche that Michael Keaton's Batman made famous. (Consequently, all movies ever, please stop doing this cliche. Stop it. Just find another way to announce yourself. It's really tired, y'all, let it go already.) No human would ever look at that thing and ask it who the fuck it is. He'd piss himself and die of fright. Period. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Piss. Die. Period.

-Nitpick: Why was there that weird Godzilla (2014) trailer noise every time Venom attacked someone? Did they just steal it from public domain? They used it almost like the Inception horn cliche that Hollywood was obsessed with for a while and it took me right out of the scene every damn time.

-Nitpick: They really thought we're so stupid that we needed Kasady to actually say his character's name out loud. Look, you fuckers, you know goddamn well that end credits scenes are extras and that people can go home and Google things instead of you literally spelling it out for us. Hell, you know that not that many Average Joes and mainstream people went to this movie anyway since Venom is a second-stringer villain and your main demographic is die-hard Eddie Brock fans anyway. So having Kasady say the damn name “Carnage” in the post credits scene really was the final fart in my general direction. Give us some fucking credit, man. Venom has barely five plotlines to his whole character anyway. Of course we knew you were going to drop Carnage for the Sequel Hook, you condescending twat of a film.

Look, I get it. I'm hypercritical because I write fiction for a living. There are plenty of movies where turning your brain off is required in order to enjoy it, but I think this movie is asking me to get an entire lobotomy to be able to swallow the big-ass pill it's offering. It's just so sloppy and uncaring and yet it's holding its grubby little hands out for your money and your love and I think it's undeserving of it on every last level. It has zero comprehension of what it's trying to accomplish since it's a money grab, and its artistic choices are nothing short of bonkers. It's so strange that it even veers outside of the So Bad It's Good category for me. I can't in good confidence recommend it to anyone even though it's almost like a study in what not to do in both comic book movies and movies in general. It's weird in a distasteful way rather than in a charming way for me, honestly. I know people have rallied around it for being different and out there, but I don't think different and good are the same thing in Venom's case.

[hogsteeth-archive]

alright then i answered one of them oc questions things for both versions of ira bc like. why wouldnt i. first answer is 1976 58y/o rhodesian ira, second answer is 201x 16y/o houstonian ira. i just wanted to figure out how different they really are. questions from here. if readmores still dont work on mobile im sorry lmao

what are some things they have strong opinions about?

he has sort of a cioranian attitude to the value of life, like, hes one of them “theres always reason to kill a man, theres no way to justify his living” types. he doesnt believe in nationalism per se but he does believe in war, hes literally a mercenary, and hed probably get along just fine with someone like mike hoare, but hes not one for unnecessary cruelty. hes kind to who he considers innocent. if he was alive today i can see him getting grouped w/ like, anti-natalists, right-wing “primitivists,” people who browse /fo/, people who think theyll thrive in the post-apocalypse even though they cant even spin yarn, people who dont understand fallout, you know, those types, but i like to think his attitude wrt civ is closer to perlmans or, well, mine. its a good thing he doesnt live in internet times. he thinks technology makes people complacent and weak and hes fallen into the trap of the “noble savage” myth; sign of the times. he could just as easily live off the grid in like, alberta, but he chose to stay in southern africa bc of his colonial attitudes & fetishization of the “less developed.” (sidenote, if youre like, new here n reading this for some reason, yea i write like really really bad characters were talking irredeemably evil here, just like, know that im aware of that.) also he detests hippies for both bad and good reasons ⸻ not much, really, hes an opportunist, a hedonist, hes selfish, goes w/ the flow. he thinks denying yourself pleasure for no reason is microfascism — not in those words — and while he doesnt think that selfishness leads to a bettering of overall society, hes no randian, he feels justified in what he does. hes uh, a mercenary in spirit and ive always intended to have him join the marines n later work for a pmc but were nowhere near there yet

what traits do they like in other people? what traits do they not like?

he likes people (men, that is) that are exactly like him. he likes Narrator bc hes just as quiet, as patient, as stubborn, as antisocial (using that the right way here, i like, know about psychology), as violent, as old-timey-ly masculine as he is. he can tolerate clade (his former accountant) bc she keeps to herself and shes loyal to a fault, but he doesnt go out of his way to like, actually talk to her. he likes will bc he reminds him of what he was like as a child living with his matabele mother. ⸻ he hates everything he perceives as weakness, but hes not all that open about that, i think hes not even 100% aware thats what it is. he needs to be talked back to. he lacks compassion, doesnt know how to deal w/ anyone whos less resilient and abrasive than himself.

do they have a significant other? if so, who?

i mean, theres Narrator — thats kinda what this whole thing is about. but theyll never think of each other that way. its complicated. theyre uh… closer to being marlow and kurtz than to being boyfriends. idk how to explain it. its bad. ⸻ hes fake-dating millah for appearances and secretly seeing jack, im not sure about the details either so im not getting into that, but hes eventually gonna meet will; ive written their first encounter like ten different ways and i still dont really know what i wanna do w/ them........ also Complicated

whats their friend group like? what role do they play (leader, mom friend, etc.)?

he lives in a hut he built w/ his bare hands on the edge of the kalahari. his friends are one horse and one vaalboskat. ⸻ he uses his friends but they use him too. hes reasonably popular bc hes athletic n wealthy, but i think the only one of his friends who really truly sees thru his act is millah, and bc he doesnt take her seriously as a threat, she has more control over him than he realizes.

do they care about their physical appearance? whats their routine like?

nah ⸻ not really. he showers too often and his hairs kinda dry but other than that hes like. Normal. idk i dont care about these things

do they have any physical or mental disabilities?

i dont think so ⸻ he has adhd

what would they die for? kill for?

oh hes not picky. he joined the military at 17, hes made peace w/ the prospect of dying. hes been more uncomfortable w/ the thought of growing old, actually. and again, hes literally a mercenary. not a big deal to him. ⸻ i dont think hes selfless enough to die for anyone. hed kill to protect the people he cares about, but thats more just bc hes possessive. im sure thats gonna come up eventually. i cant really write shit w/o weaving murder in somewhere.

do they have any magical powers or abilities? if its a realistic world, what religion do they follow?

absolutely the fuck not i hate magic. hes not religious, actually feels a little intimidated by religion. in one version of his story he spends his 50s on east nusa tenggara where he doesnt live far from a church, and he makes peace w/ the concept of god thanks to the influence of catholic-raised Narrator, but i doubt hell ever actually step foot into a church, or temple, or mosque, or what-have-you. hes internalized some things during his upbringing though that he doesnt classify as religious. little superstitions. he likes to keep objects that may be used for divination around his house, but he never touches them. ⸻ not religious, but if he had to pick, like to pretend, hed say baptist.

do they celebrate any holidays? how do they celebrate?

nah ⸻ like, the regular american ones. hell welcome any excuse to drink and to socialize, and id say his favorite holiday is the 4th of july, really just bc he likes warm weather and theres not a lot else you can celebrate in the middle of summer. hes not attached to the significance of any holidays. hes not crazy about christmas but he likes his family well enough and hell go along w/ it all, just to have sth to do. hes not good w/ time off.

if they were the protagonist in any book series, what series would they choose? alternatively: what would be their favorite book?

he doesnt really read but hed feel right at home inside heart of darkness or maybe the thin red line. or maybe sth by mccarthy ⸻ hes 16 he hasnt read jack shit. i wanna say deleuze would probably resonate w/ him bc hes a total self-insert but i really dont know. i try to keep the intertextuality way low bc i hate that shit in most fiction, so like, i try not to think too much about other books here

do they have any vices?

uh he drinks and he occasionally smokes opium but compared to most of my characters hes pretty okay wrt that ⸻ yea like… all of them. already said hes a hedonist make of that what u will

do they play any instruments?

nope ⸻ violin but he hasnt been practicing a lot lately

what would their favorite ride at an amusement park be?

hes never been to one ⸻ i feel like hed be into sth really lame… like you know that video by jenny nicholson, top ten lame things to do at disney world? sth like that. like hed go just to get a specific food item or to admire the infrastructure

what animal would they say best represents them?

hyena 100%. the spotted kind. id say tortoise also but hed find that insulting ⸻ id say hyena but hed be reluctant to answer that bc hes a Youth and he knows what a furry is

how do they act when theyre drunk?

vulnerable. little more talkative. he talks to himself (or the cat, rather) sometimes ⸻ more abrasive/tactless/impulsive. he talks w/ his whole body and feels like moving/running bc, again, self-insert

which era of history would they most like to live in?

the old west, like early to mid-19th century, maybe late 18th. that or like the really olden days, like mid-paleolithic ⸻ idk maybe like ten or twenty years earlier. i think he fits the 21st century pretty well. hes a curious person though and if he had a time machine hed go Everywhere at least once

whats their favorite food?

ah thats. complicated actually i have a whole list of foods that remind me of Narrator but ive never gotten around to making one for ira. hm. he likes poultry, like ostrich. white fish. dry/salty foods. sour fruit. breadfruit. fatty dark meats, blood sausage. hes not picky though, hell live on pap and water if he has to. ⸻ i genuinely dont know. im not used to the contemporary western setting yet like… pop tarts exist in the same world as he does and im not comfortable w/ that yet. like, branded food articles wrapped in plastic. thats so weird to me. i guess he likes (american) pizza w/ greens on it, like spinach? and seafood. sour candies, maybe, i dont think he has much of a sweet tooth. he puts salt n butter on potatoes and cottage cheese on pancakes.

what songs remind you of them?

conveniently theres a whole playlist rite here

whats their favorite season and why?

dry season. he doesnt like cloudy/foggy weather bc it makes him feel trapped when he cant see as far. ⸻ summer. i honest to god think people liking cold weather is a conspiracy like im not sure thats even biologically possible. like summer is the obvious answer here

which d&d class would they play as?

nah we dont do nerd shit round these parts

whats their favorite expletive?

he like, barely talks ⸻ nothin weird thats for sure, we campaign for simple straight-forward language in this house. having a Favorite is inherently at odds w/ that. bad question

whats their favorite candle scent?

no scented candles in the desert ⸻ sth fruity but not sweet, like mixed berries, sth red or purple

how do they feel about death?

he doesnt ⸻ hed feel cheated by life if he died young. he has a lot to see and do and itd like, bum him out not to get to do that but hes not afraid of death

do they collect anything? whats their most prized possession?

he lives pretty austerely but he does keep little rocks and gems and bones and pieces of wood n such. also coins from all the countries hes been to bc hes a simple old man. i wanna say his most prized possession is his hogs tooth bc he does value the marines a lot still. its where he first met Narrator :-) ⸻ he really appreciates gifts people give him, things that remind him of people. jack carved him an eagle once

do they play any sports?

no ⸻ nothing too organized. i dont think hes on any school teams bc idk if he has the time but that might change. he does run/hunt/fish/shoot

what one place do they really want to visit and why?

he likes deserts, wide open spaces. hes been to the kalahari n namib but not the gobi/sahara/simpson etc, so, those. no ice deserts though those scare him ⸻ polynesia/southeast asia, just tropical places in general. bc theyre nice what do you want me to tell you. tropics good

what languages do they speak?

northern ndebele, afrikaans, english (w/ various influences), some vietnamese ⸻ english, some cajun french, some spanish

what are some items they always carry? what weapon do they favor using if they exist in a world where weapons are necessary?

hes got his fal obviously and he does always carry a knife, just to be safe. more out of habit than actual necessity (not to imply rural areas were safe in the late 70s, but he lives in the literal wilderness, hes not much of a target. stays away from roads and all that.) ⸻ man hes really not as classy as i want him to be :/ he probably has like, a glock 17 w/ ten thousand pointless modifications n some uglyass stipling pattern. hes a little bit paranoid + irresponsible n carries all kinds of shit he doesnt need, mostly way too much cash

which emoji would they use the most?

no ⸻ he doesnt have a phone, hell maybe use a burner if he has to. this is an anti-phone household

what fantasy race would they be? if they already are one, pick a different one.

absolutely not

do they want to start a family? if they already have one, describe it.

no ⸻ no

what stereotypical high school clique would they fit into?

hed swing between the jrotc kids n the stoners honestly, but still mostly keep to himself ⸻ hes like, too much of a jock for the Delinquents, too much of a Delinquent for the jocks. hes really only popular bc hes rich-ish n blessed w/ good looks, and by association w/ millah

whats one thing that they dont need do they waste the most money on?

he doesnt ⸻ everything. hes really wasteful. he buys more food than he can eat, clothes he never wears, etc etc, hes terrible

what kind of shoes do they wear?

combat boots or just traditional sandals. the terrain around his house is mostly grass and flat boulders so he goes barefoot a lot ⸻ regular tennis shoes, nothin too fashionable bc he cant be bothered to keep up w/ trends, but usually clean n new. hiking boots when hes not w/ his regular friend group

do they believe in ghosts, aliens, and the occult in general?

really dont like how aliens are always grouped in w/ esoteric shit bc like, thats like asking if you believe in atoms honestly. no shit “aliens” exist thats like not up for debate. both iræ would agree w/ me here. 70s ira doesnt believe in like, Ghosts per se, but he has some vague concept of spirits that he got from his mother. he sees/feels them when hes half asleep. ⸻ 2010s ira doesnt believe in jack shit

which deadly sin do they most correspond to? which heavenly virtue?

nooo cardinal sins dont work that way theyre not hogwarts houses. its so much more complicated than that thats impossible

if you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, what would it be?

hmmm four of swords? knight of coins? eight of cups? this is hard ⸻ seven of swords? nine of cups? the devil? i dont know

what do they consider to be their best quality? what actually is their best quality?

his strength, which is really just his callousness and lack of convictions. and uh. i guess his independence ⸻ same here for the first part. and. maybe his loyalty? i dont consider loyalty a good thing personally idk

what do they consider to be their worst quality? what actually is their worst quality?

his lack of social skills maybe? he doesnt need them too often of course but like, the first time Narrator showed up at his doorstep he was genuinely nervous and that did fill him w/ some semblance of shame and in his eyes he should be good at everything, so like. that. really its his lack of conviction and his timidness/avoidance of the world ⸻ his dependence on others/lack of discipline. really its his lack of compassion, like, obviously

[aion-rsa]

How Star Trek: Discovery’s Anthony Rapp Found Dungeons & Dragons Again

https://ift.tt/3eRzqpi

During the pandemic, one thing has become clear: the need for play is great and can’t be denied. The nerds of yesteryear who played Dungeons & Dragons, grokked Spock, and looked for ways to express their geekiness, have found themselves in this time, reaching out and finding their people online to resort to playing a game they all knew well and loved

“I guess it all started in junior high for me. In the early 80s, I was part of my ‘nerd crew,’” Star Trek: Discovery actor Anthony Rapp, who plays science officer and chief engineer Paul Stamets in the science fiction franchise, tells Den of Geek when we virtually sit down to discuss our mutual love for Dungeons & Dragons. “We were reading Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and had our own little weird literary magazine. We were playing computer games and I don’t know who it was in our group who introduced it to us, but then Dungeons & Dragons became our thing. I was reading The Hobbit and watching all the Trek films and was a total comic nerd. All of it! We immediately fell in love with the Advanced D&D books like The Monster Manual, The Dungeon Master’s Guide – and spent hours just reading through them.”

Like many of us, Rapp has found the time and space during the pandemic to return to nerdy passions of his youth.

“One of my fiancé Ken’s friends talked a couple of years ago about playing a game, but he lives in L.A. and I live in New York, so you know, we weren’t doing virtual then,” says Rapp. “But in the middle of the pandemic, he decided that he would run a campaign via Zoom and invited me to join. So, I created a character that I would have done, back in the day, a Halfling Rogue … but that was one of the first characters I created, that I always wanted to play. In the meantime, they’ve come out with the Arcane Trickster! You know, Halfling Rogue who loves a little bit of magic.”

It’s the creation that’s part of the fun with this game, but it rests on two foundations: a love of storytelling, but also on one that’s based on play. 

“I love playing games.” Anthony tells me. “I love board games, video games, card games, Poker – but while I anticipated enjoying the game aspect, I did not anticipate how much I would love the role-playing. Because, I’m an actor; I thought, I get the satisfaction of that from my work. You know, playing games for different reasons! But it has been at least, if not more satisfactory playing these creations. I’m in two official campaigns right now but I’ve played a couple of one-shots, played on some podcasts and played for charity.”

Play, for simply the fun of it, is a concept that a lot of gamers overlook sometimes. To be lost in the joy of one’s own creative expression is pure play and is an aspect that gets lost in the strategizing, the social dynamics or simply due to competitiveness. I asked Anthony about this dimension. 

“To just dream up scenarios is a joy,” he says. “In a few months, I’m biting the bullet and going to come up with my own campaign. I’m going to DM an ongoing campaign with friends back in New York when I return from shooting Season 4 [of Star Trek: Discovery]. I’ll be creating my own world, governmental-societal stuff. What I’m finding, is that I’m loving the collaborative story-telling aspect of it. I’ve done writing on my own, and I do enjoy it, but it’s solitary.”

“What I love most in creative projects is collaboration,” continues Rapp. “As an actor, I am a collaborator. I’m working with the writer, the director, my fellow cast members. But as a DM, I get the best of both worlds and then working off what my players bring. Their backstories spark wonderfully exciting new ideas and I weave them in. It’s long-form storytelling that also fits into the themes.”

Of course, work and play often intersect. 

“One of the games I’m playing is with my castmates and friends from Star Trek: Discovery,” shares Rapp. “Noah [Ryn, married to Mary Wiseman] is our DM. He’s been home-brewing stuff and using some published stuff as a springboard. [Adira actor] Blu del Barrio, my fiancée, Ken, [Gray actor] Ian Alexander, and [Keyla Detmer actor] Emily Coutts are all in it. We work together and we play together. We’ve always been a very close cast and get together often to play games but this has been a great new addition to how we connect with each other.”

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Has Rapp ever channeled aspects of previous characters from his own career into his role-playing in exploring more of how Star Trek intersected with his D&D experiences?

“One of the great things I’ve enjoyed about my roleplaying is that I’m creating for myself,” answers Rapp. “I’m glad that, when I act, I get to interpret a writer’s words about a character, but there’s something extra-special about finding that person within myself, discovering in the moment who they are when I play them. I had an acting teacher years ago who used a metaphor that I love to use in describing acting. It’s almost like you have a mixing board, like when you’re in a sound studio, and you are turning up the frequency on that part of yourself you use to play one character. So, it’s kind of like always using yourself as the raw material, but to transform, you have to amp up your aggression or your sweetness.”

I had to know what characters Anthony’s Star Trek: Discovery castmates play… 

“They play characters that are totally right for them,” says Rapp. Apparently, Blu del Barrio is a wizard, Mary Wiseman a Barbarian/Ranger multi-class, Emily Coutts is playing a Cleric, Rapp himself is a Druid. “Even Sonequa [Martin-Green] and her husband guested in one of our games and she played an Aasimar Barbarian – like an Angelic being,” says Rapp. “How she embodied that character was exactly right. It was so Sonequa.”

Rapp loves the process of seeing his fellow players develop their charactrs.

“Far be it for me to say what character somebody should be,” says Rapp. “If I’m a DM, I want that person to play a character that they really want to play—not because they think it’s the right decision but because it’s a character that really speaks to them. In creating this character, they need to lean into playing it and bring it to life in a way that’s exciting and meaningful. I am so not interested in my players optimizing the shit out of everything. I want them to make these choices because they resonate. You can make any combination of skills or abilities, powerful. It’s not about winning. It’s a game.”

Rapp’s world building for his first campaign is reflective of the ideals in Star Trek. His first setting is a lone city in a desert. 

“I started out thinking about this idea for the campaign I’m going to run for my friends in New York,” explains Rapp. “It’s a literal and figurative oasis. It was founded in the desert as a defiant symbol that it can be made beautiful anywhere with magic. I want to make it a haven for all people and it is difficult to get there, so you have to really want to be there. But it’s an attempt at a utopia in a harsh environment. I don’t know where this idea came from, but I’ve started to branch it out and seeing what else is in this world, in this northern part of the continent. I’m thinking about power structures and want to address power, inequity and racism … so those are the themes that I’m working with.”

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It is the joy of playing. But, this type of creativity also can be channeled into positive influences in the world. Anthony shared with me about his involvement in the upcoming “Jasper’s Game Day” event happening this week. 

A reaction to the loss of two friends to suicide within the span of ten months, Fenway and her dad, Aaron, initiated this event to bring attention and awareness to mental health. A week-long celebration of game play and fundraising, Rapp is lending his presence to this event to indulge in play for the love of it but for also a worthy cause. 

“Jasper’s Game Day was started by Fenway Jones,” says Rapp. “She started this ongoing series of game events to create fundraising opportunities and a greater sense of awareness around suicide and suicide prevention. I learned about it in the D&D Community that exists on Twitter … I’m new to the Twitter-sphere/D&D Community but I everyone that I’ve interacted with has been phenomenal. There’s a spirit of generosity and camaraderie and collaboration that’s really special.”

For Rapp, many of those experiences have come during his D&D campaign with the DISCO crew. He describes a really intense battle during a session in which his character, who Rapp describes as “justice-driven,” started a fight that escalated into an entire session during which three characters almost died.

“It was a real-high stakes game that was really enjoyable, with total surprise and totally improv,” recounts Rapp. “But then there was the follow-up session in which there was a clean-up of it between our characters. Because my character had behaved in this way, and he almost caused our deaths, people were upset with him. But we really played it all out. Like fully, and [DM] Noah gave us the time and space to process the trauma and messiness of how people navigate things like this. I mean, I had to say to Mary, ‘Are we all good? Because that was just my character!’ And she was like, ‘Of course!’ But it was really good and meaningful to have a safe place like that to do that. That was probably the most rewarding and enjoyable experience I’ve had to date.”

Nerds find a way. They tell stories and invite others to join them. They live to make sense of the world they live in, and in their chaotic and creative ways, change it for the better. Rapp’s work and play come together through his celebration of nerdy ways. We’ve all experienced it and we know it makes the world a better place. 

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The post How Star Trek: Discovery’s Anthony Rapp Found Dungeons & Dragons Again appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[juushika]

I try to do this every year: here's the best media that I encountered, but which was probably not released, in 2017. It’s long!! oops!!

Books

I read 176 books in 2017. My primary reading goal was to prioritize authors of color, ideally making them half of my reading material. This fell apart somewhat in the face of various and intense life stresses, but in the end 40% of the books I read this year were by PoC, up from 10%* from last year, and I'm proud of that. It's something I will continue to prioritize.

* a metric which may be somewhat out of date, as I discovered neato things while looking into Jewish authors!! but I'm too lazy for recalculations, so let's let it stand

Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller. I love this book so much that it took me five months to write a review. Miller wrote it with precise, peculiar inspirations--the identity of a mysterious artist; sessions with a ouija board--and while I traditionally resist the idea that the author is a conduit rather than a creator (yes to authorial responsibility! boo on authorial intent!) I think there can be moments when an author reaches above and beyond themselves. I believe Beagle did this in The Last Unicorn:

A lot of things appeal to people out of their own histories in that story. I feel sometimes like Schmendrick, when the first time he actually casts real magic summoning up the shades of Robin Hood, Maid Marian and the Merry Men...people who never existed, really they’re myths, and yet there they are. And at that point he falls on his face, picks himself up, and thinks: "I wonder what I did...I did something..." Which is very much the way I feel about The Last Unicorn. Finally, fifty years later. (source)

And I believe that Miller does it here. This is an exceptional novel; its purpose and joy and energy is remarkable, and it may be safe to call it my favorite book of the year.

Graceling series by Kristin Cashore. The books stand alone and are all perfectly good; but it's Bitterblue that won me, and I think it benefits from reading the entire series. This uses a speculative concept to explore trauma and abuse in ways that are simultaneously metaphorical, literal, and unique to the worldbuilding. I admire a narrative that's able to capitalize on the potential of its genre in that way, and there's interesting narrative-in-absentia techniques at play here, and, crucially, it's thoughtful and compassionate.

Temeraire series by Naomi Novik. I adore the companion animal trope, and am dubious of dragons; I did not expect that this would be so thorough an exploration of the former as to totally negate the later. It engages almost every question that surrounds this trope, especially re: sapience, personhood, power dynamics; the long-form adventure allows for a diverse and evolving culture. And it's tropey in every way it needs to be to give its premise emotional weight. Multiple books in this series won a 5-star rating, and as many made me cry. It's as in love and as engaged with this trope as I am. Simon Vance's audio narration makes these an especial delight.

Her Smoke Rose Up Forever by James Tiptree, Jr. I read this in the same year as my first Joanna Russ book (The Female Man)--and neither are perfect, but both are invaluable, and the combined effect has stayed with me. But nothing lingered moreso than this Tiptree collection: so exhaustive, so exhausting; the tension between her profound bitterness and daydreaming, between her (presumed, implicit, assumed) male PoV and persistent feminist themes, elevates this collection beyond the limitations of individual stories.

The Devourers by Indra Das. It would be insincere to say that this is what I wish every werewolf novel would be--I love them all uniquely--but this is what I wish every werewolf novel would be: this visceral, this vivid, this inhuman, this engaged with the concept of the Other.

Orlando by Virginia Woolf. The only real goal in life is to love or be loved as Virginia Woolf loved Vita Sackville-West; the energy that emanates from this, passionate and playful and irreverent, is incandescent. I always expect historical books about sex and gender to be restrained or dated, and for good reason, but this has aged so well; it's fluid and complicated, but too quick to become heavy. In every page, a delight.

Honorable mentions in books

Ursula K. Le Guin. I read a handful of her books this year; I didn't love them all equally (The Beginning Place is hardly her most famous but it's my favorite so far) but I'm consistently impressed, no matter how minor the work. She's profoundly skilled; she integrates and expands her central theses in ways that capitalize on the speculative genres she writes in, to great effect.

Octavia E. Butler by Gerry Canavan. I hesitate to say that I loved this biography more than Butler's novels themselves, but that reflects how it felt to read this: it summarized, contextualized, and celebrated Butler's cumulative effort and impact in a way that made me appreciate her anew.

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore. I read a lot of YA I bounce off of, a lot of magical realism I don't think works; but this I loved, for its specific images, for the way that the fluidity of its style suits its issues of gender, for its beauty and love.

The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson. The energy in this is infectious, and needs to be, as it's as much about a love affair with a speculative premise and a place as with a person--and all those elements are accessible, distinctive, alive.

Thomas the Rhymer by Ellen Kushner. Fairyland which feels truly transporting and fantastic, truly fae, is hard to capture. This is such a quiet book, unassuming in structure and frame, but its depiction of fairyland is one of the most convincing that I've ever seen.

Games

Nier: Automata. I watched this played on release, and called it then, in March: game of the year. I was not mistaken. There's more this could do, further it could go; but what it does, with its androids and tropes, its meta elements and narrative structure and soundtrack, is phenomenal. One of the most remarkable things that a game can do is be profoundly wedded to its interactive medium, because few other platforms have the opportunity to interact with the consumer so directly--and Automata achieves that, to great effect.

Kirby series. I have no particular love of platforms, Nintendo, or nostalgia; but these looked cute, and: they are. Kirby is shaped like friendship, and the softness and colors of level design, the creative gameplay of Kirby's transformations, the sincerely impressive interaction with level elements in games like Epic Yarn, are a complete package. These brought me unmitigated joy; that's not something I often find.

Honorable mentions in video games

Dishonored 2. The plot and setting hasn't stuck with me as much as the first game. But to internalize criticism and then go on to make a more diverse game is fantastic (and it pays off, in Meagan Foster especially), and the small, almost-domestic moments and ongoing lore/religion in the worldbuilding are very much my thing.

Dark Souls III DLC. The base game was on my list last year, so this entry feels like cheating--but these were substantial additions, big worlds and significant narrative and so many new monster designs, all of which compliment the base game. It's an impressive product, and I wish more DLC resembled it.

Closure. A little indie puzzle platformed that exceeds expectations for that genre because the way that its core game mechanic interacts with player, art design, atmosphere, and narrative is so successful. (It even makes up for sometimes-finicky physics.)

Visual Media

Car Boys. I'm disappointed that Nick Robinson proved not to be the person we wanted him to be, but that doesn't change the profound impact that this series had on me. Not only is it a fantastic example of emergent narrative, it simultaneously embraces my fear of existential horror and my profound longing for a greater meaning. This served a similar function for me as did Critical Role last year, despite dissimilarities in tone and content.

Dark Matter season 3. The boy and I have been watching this together, and with few misstep we've been consistently satisfied with the way this series combines found family tropes and genre mainstays. But season 3 is a cut above. It's still all those things, but the ongoing, consistent character development, particularly of the female characters, most especially of the Android, is phenomenal. There were episodes that made me cry, that I would call legitimately perfect.

Blame! I've enjoyed everything I've seen by Polygon Pictures, including Knights of Sidonia, but this is the best they could be: tropes I love, a perfect setting for their visual style and capabilities; great pacing, writing that does interesting things with its subgenre. Without competition, the best film I saw this year; it looks great and it’s just so engaging to watch.

Person of Interest. Found family/AI feels is in essence all I've ever wanted from a narrative, and this delivers, delivers in droves: it has the crime serial format I love but, like Fringe, deviates from format to great effect. But it's the particular combination of themes that sold me: using AI as a launchpad to explore all varieties of personhood and socialization.

Honorable mentions in visual media

Yuri!!! on Ice. There is a need in the world for stories like this; queer love stories, stories about what it means to become one's best self, stories which are funny and sweet and profoundly empathetic. This year started poorly (and just kept on keepin' on, but:) and there was a sense of karmic balance that this existed post-election. It's escapism without being hollow; it's how I want the world to be.

Polygon. Monster Factory goes here. So does Awful Squad. But the boy and I have been branching out and watching almost anything that pops up on this channel; the balance between inoffensive good humor and video game nerdom is really likable.

[themousai]

Q+A: Once Foretold

Where did the name ‘Once Foretold’ come from? Robin and Nathan were always complete nerds growing up, and after like 2 weeks of really stupid names in the group chat Nathan found a Magic the Gathering card called “As Foretold” and one of us (can't remember who) decided to change the “As” to “Once” and that was that really. We were seriously pushed for time since we had our debut show not far after that and the band name was kind of the last thing on our minds at that point.

Where did you guys all meet? Nathan and Robin - We mostly met each other through school, Nathan (being a good friend to robin at the time, and just starting to learn how to scream) came along to a practice for Robin's old band called "Our Last Days" and we ended up making a band called "A Reflection of Yesterday" where we became mates with Lily through SFRQ and playing local shows (rip kings arms...). Nathan also used to play in a band called "Overseer" and that's where he met Max. We met shay after our first drummer Ross left us, he had just finished playing with Fire For Glory and I was at his last show with them where the frontman josh said that if anyone wanted him for a band they should snatch him up quickly because of how good he was. A little while later we put out a post on facebook looking for a drummer and he hit us up.  Lily - I used to play in a post-hardcore band in high school called “Hello Headache” and when we did Smokefree Rockquest Nathan and Robin’s band “A Reflection of Yesterday” was at my local heats. They fucking killed it and I was their biggest fan haha. We actually ended up becoming really good friends over time. I asked Max to join the band when I happened to stumble across a guitar demo he posted to Soundcloud and asked if he was interested in joining the band. I met Shay at an EP release show I was playing with my other band REI back in 2017 at the UFO and I totally didn’t know how amazing of a drummer he was until I got him to audition. Will be sad to see him go after these last shows we have booked.

Where do you guys draw inspiration for your music? Robin - Periphery, Architects, Dali Thundering Concept Lily - Maximum the Hormone Max - Thornhill, Silent Planet, Erra Nathan - I draw inspiration from whatever the other guys listen to. Also Parkway Drive, and Killswitch Engage.

Do you find that the creation process of your music is equally collaborative? Or do certain members take on certain elements? Robin and Max - We make a basic layout and present it to the band where they'll tweak it from there during the learning process, we tend to give Nathan creative freedom vocally which tends to yield the best results as it's something most of us are not exactly familiar with doing.

You guys just completed a little run of North Island shows - if you could put together a full NZ tour featuring any other two NZ bands - who would they be? Robin - Seas of Conflict, Pale Flag Max - Pale Flag, Seas of Conflict Lily - Banks Arcade, Lookin Up Nathan - Cripple Mr. Onion, Liit

Do you have any fun stories to share from your tour? Robin and Lily - it was a reaaaallly cold windy day (like 4ºC) when we got wellington, but Max decided he wanted to jump into the harbour from the jumping platform they have in front of Te Papa, he called Lily who was at our accommodation with the guys from REI and made him meet us there with Max's towel. After Max jumped in and came back up we noticed a bunch of signs warning people not to jump in as the water was polluted quite badly. after this for the rest of the night max was freaking out thinking he was going to get sick and googling all the different illnesses he could get from it. We just kind of kept adding fuel to the fire by telling him he was screwed and was going to start growing extra limbs and stuff haha. Max - Getting a speeding ticket for going 87 in an 80km zone. Nathan - Playing out of Auckland.

What can we expect from you guys in the near future? Unfortunately Shay will be leaving us soon, which is a huge bummer for all of us but we are extremely grateful for all he has done with us, so we will be on the hunt for a new drummer soon. We just finished pre production for the EP we have been working on and will start tracking the songs very soon, Shay will be recording the drums with us before he leaves which is awesome as he really contributed to the material we have made and it wouldn't really feel right for us to not capture that.

Lastly - convince our readers to come catch you at ‘Auckland Will Be Laid To Waste’ in 3 words Robin - Break downs, spin kicks, best friends. Nathan - Free eternal erections. Lily - Crash Team Racing Max - Defend Pop Punk

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is... Robin - Garden of Sankhara by Monuments. That band really meant a lot for me when I was learning songwriting and this song really showed me that even if you are a crazy technical band, less is more sometimes. Nathan - The Final Episode - Asking Alexandria Max - Indonesia - August Burns Red Lily - Z Densetsu: Owarinaki Kakumei - Momoiro Clover Z

Three things I can’t live without are... Nathan - Coke, Oxygen, skin Max - Bikes, Defending Pop Punk, open notes Lily - Fried chicken, pho, Tekken

If I could only play music in one genre for the rest of my life it would be... Max - Probably metalcore/progressive metal because I find it most fun to play on guitar but. Pop punk is up there though although if I was just playing guitar in the genre I wouldn't want to do it forever. Robin - Progressive metal, the nature of it is to experiment and try new stuff, so it would keep me happy. Lily - Post-hardcore. I am das uber emo mans.

Three adjectives that describe my life are… Robin - Impulsive, chill, creative Max - active, nerdy, fun Lily - Dance, Gavin, Dance

If I held a world record it would be for…Robin - Losing a phone the most times in one party. Max - Having the most hobbies. Lily - The most powerful roundhouse kick in terms of weight to power ratio.

My first memory of loving music is… Robin - My sister used to show me a bunch of music and I owe a lot to that, but I remember hearing Metallicas “wherever I may roam” for the first time and being like “duuuuuuude”. the ambient intro into that chunky ass riff immediately got me hooked and I wouldn't stop listening to it. Max - Buying my first CD which was Linkin Park’s Meteora. Lily - Being introduced to Linkin Park by my older brother. I literally only listened to LP up until year 9.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… Robin - one you guys haven't heard yet! Max - Parallax Lily - Sovereign. It’s a song I wrote but tbh I’m mainly proud of it because the working title for the song was “Anus of God”.

My favourite venue I've ever played is… Robin - Kings arms, 100%. so many crazy bands have played there and I genuinely feel honoured to have been a part of it's story. Max - Kings Arms Lily - I’ve never played the Kings Arms but I wish I did. As a consolation, I’d say Valhalla in Wellington because WELLINGTON IS AN AWESOME CITY TO PLAY IN.

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… Robin - I used to say in my home recording set up, but now days as i'm getting into electronic production a lot more I sometimes really enjoy having a space with no distractions away from home, uni is great for that I find. Max - I’m just the classic bedroom soundcloud djent guitarist who just needs some monitors, an interface and a DAW with some decent plugins haha Lily - Alone in a room with a laptop that has Guitar Pro on it.

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… Robin - Metallica and Slipknot... just to flex. Max - I feel awkward picking any bands to open for me because all the bands I think of are either equally as good or better Lily - The Jackson 5, and Momoiro Clover Z (But only with the OG line-up, they’re really not the same without Momoka)

(disclaimer: This interview was sent prior to Auckland Goes To Waste, and so the last question in the interview is now invalid. However I would like to testify that Crash Team Racing was very present, and I won 100% of the games that I played. If you didn’t make it along - you can read about it here)

Keep up to date with Once Foretold Facebook | Instagram | Spotify

Interview + Photo by Mandie Hailwood

[transboyurameshi-blog]

x @frogopera I didn’t wanna spam your inbox so here’s a list of recs, there’s anime in there as well bsjskqjdrjejqjr anyone is open to reblog this tho idc think of it as my official rec list pff tf t if you have any triggers I’d be happy to go through and let you know if they have them

Bojack Horseman: you’ve possibly already seen this but I would do a disservice if I didn’t include it. It’s genuinely the best animated series I have ever had the joy of watching and the pinnacle of adult animation. It’s inclusive, smart, very heavy and bojack is…he the kind of main character you don’t wanna relate to but you will • tw for drug and alcohol abuse, mentions of and implications of child abuse, and homophobia (gay character is fired and contracts prostate cancer ), and slight pedophilia ( bojack almost drunkenly sleeps with a teenager, technically legal in that state and she was sober but ewe no to the shows credit it’s painted as a BAD thing )

Home: the adventures of oh and tipp it’s a 2d animated series based around the dreamworks movie and it’s actually incredibly cute fun decompression stuff • tw for transphobia I think? they make some jokes about the alien races genders and like…..I can’t tell if it’s a transphobic joke or trying to teach kids pronoun usage tbfh

The batman idk how you feel about superhero stuff but the batman is a pretty stylish and interesting take in batman mythos and the art style is that kind of awkward but captivating and interesting. it really stands out if that makes sense

my little pony: equestria girls movies: okay hear me out, they’re actually pretty good ( so is the show in my frank opinion but the movies are a good jumping on point ) the movies take place in a more human world and rainbow rocks is legitimately fucking awesome with kick ass music and they’re all S U P E R gay with butch lesbian supreme sunset shimmer

the tinker bell movies: they’re centered around a whole world of fairies and like I’m psure they might not be 2d animation but they’re honestly worth a watch, just pure and fun.

lolirock:

cute french based cartoon about three magical pop star princesses and it was the show everyone was excited about because there’s a black magical girl. it’s just super beautiful and sweet and bubblegum but it’ll get you in the heart too

Glitter force:

it’s one of the few precure anime we dubbed and it just …. it’s silly and kinda dumb but if you just want pure cotton candy and sparkles this is the anime for you. the main girl has a deep love of fairy tails and happy ever after like 💕💕

Winx:

again a little shallow seeming and the art style takes some getting used to but it’s a big organic world of magic and wonder that will draw you in and genuinely surprise you in some places

Horseland:

it’s a pretty diverse show about a bunch of young girls and their magic talking horses they don’t know can talk. it’s again more feel good kid stuff but it tackled native cultural appropriation and litterly called out the white girl wearing native headdress so it gets bonus points from me

the last unicorn:

*clutches chest* it’s just beautiful and amazing okay

justice League / justice League unlimited:

both fairly awesome superhero series that helped start the dcau and are just fucking brilliantly written and still hold up today

batman beyond:

this show is dated af and is about future batman in the fuuuture man sjjzjqjejriejr it’s super great though and is just a nice take on a young batman still balancing school and life

the goofy movie

just a really nice hilarious movie that gets a lot more on the nose the older you get plus I’m still not over Roxanes character design it’s really aces

Balto;

again a lot of my love for this movie comes from its animation but it’s a pretty heartwarming story about what someone can achieve for those they love

I’m sneaking in Wendy wu homecoming warrior despite it being live action because it’s an actually fascinating Disney movie with a really cool mythos and ACTUALLY HAS A PREDOMINANTLY ASIAN CAST go figure sjsjsjdje

Atlantis:

I have a deep love for this movie and it doesn’t get near the recognition it deserves. it subverts the damsel in distress trope without being patronizing about it. we get a lovable scrawny nerd that’s actually respectful of the cultures he studies and his goddess of a future wife and like it was a movie written by mostly white people that managed to portray a tribal element without seeming racist

lucha Libre and really cute oft forgotten cartoon about latinx children in training to become luchadors like their parents

ao no exorcist:

is a really intense anime with catholic themes that really goes deep into the concept of nature vs nurture and has a pretty gay coded protagonist and focuses more on his familial relationship with his brother and the strain it’s gone under vs his possible romances

ruroni Kenshin and samurai champloo are good old classic anime if you’re looking for that old school feudal Japan feeling and adventure and rag tag looser building a family

K is a pretty fascinating anime in that if I explained too much I’d ruin the fun of discovering it yourself tho hey more queer coding

detective conan is a fucking awesome mystery anime but at like eight billion episodes and counting I wouldn’t worry too much about it sjajhdejskkf

Karneval is a really cute and funny, pretty anime following a sweet amnesiac child as he joins the circus to find the one he loves, and yes more queer coding like haRD

yu yu hakusho:

literally my favorite anime ever in existence and I’ll just keep this short it follows a demon hunter as life continues to screw him over and he survives

assassination classroom:.

is actually a very weirdly heartwarming story about a bunch of kids tasked to assassinate their teacher ( I swear it’s weirder than it sounds ( but it’s definitely not a book to be judged by its cover

Majin tentai nogami neuro: is a very interesting and in depth murder mystery anime about a demon who literally eats mysteries and enlists the help of a human girl to open up a detective agency. warning tho shit gets DARK near the end

petshop of horrors:

this is an ova series so it’s just a couple episodes but it’s a hauntingly creepy and fun look and an eccentric pet shop owner that offers his clients … dubious pets that would be fine if these guys would just follow the rules of ownership he gives them

xxxholic:

again kind of a mystery anime but with far more magic and I’m pretty positive it’s canon one of the male characters is unrequitely in love with the main guy, and the art style is definitely an aquired taste but it’s worth it

death parade:

THIS SHIT GAVE ME A CRISIS OF SELF AFTER FINISHING IT, DO NOT LET TYE HAPPY INTRO FOOL YOU IT’S OUT FOR YOUR BLOOD AND TEARS YOU WILL FUCK CRY

[jalmostauthorblog]

How I Came to Meditation

Fade in

Tibetan bowl music plays

Jacob

(calm tone)

This is Tibetan bowl music, it’s made by rubbing a wooden stick - I don’t know the proper name for the instrument - along the interior of a brass bowl. Just listen to it for a little while.

Music continues to play

Jacob

It’s soothing, isn’t it? It’s meant to help with meditation: sit and listen to it with your closed, slowly  breathing in and out, focusing on nothing but the rhythmic humming of the bowl as it fades into the distance. Monks do it to gain spiritual enlightenment, to detach themselves from the physical world and gain access to higher form of existence. I’m an atheist, I don’t believe there’s a higher form of existence than this one; I believe you die, and that’s it, no reincarnation, no heaven, no hell. But everyday, I find the quietest space I can, and sit and listen to this for ten to twenty minutes, just so I can be ten percent less manic about everything going on in my life.

Intercut sounds: Car horns honking, people’s voices in a crowded dining hall, loud abrasive rock music

Silence

Tibetan bowl music plays again

Jacob

This lyric essay is about meditation, and how the various stressors in my life, including my struggles in school, relationships, and really, life in general pushed to rely on it as a necessary tool for maintaining my sanity.

(Music fades out)

Jacob

It’s ironic, I thought going to college would turn me into an adult, that jumping into an environment where I’d be on my own for the first time in my life would magically endow me with all the skills necessary to successfully navigate the real world. In truth, it made me feel like a child, dealing with the crushing sense of incompetence that comes from having to do things you’re not entirely sure you know how to.

Intercut narration

Jacob

(mildly anxious tone)

Read chapters one through eighteen of ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thursday; Memorize anatomical terms for lab practicum; jog for at least thirty minutes every morning; remember to eat healthy; read at least one news article to stay informed; get involved around campus; schedule time to meet with your professors; join Linkedin and start making connections; update resume - oh shit, I don’t have a resume; revise essay for Principles of Literary Study; read a book for fun; get eight hours of sleep.

(Calming nature sounds play)

Jacob

Before I came to Rutgers, my life was simple: I lived with my parents in their house in Lake Hopatcong, they paid for all my food, clothing, and utilities; even though I was an adult, they didn’t mind still providing for me, I cleaned up around the house, never got in trouble, and kept to myself. I was also working on my associate’s degree at County College of Morris, in Randolph. To be honest, I would have rather gone straight to a university, but my final grades from high school were not impressive, so community college was my only option. CCM wasn’t easy, but I never found myself having panic attacks, at least until my last semester there.

It was spring of 2016, and I only needed two more courses to get my associate’s degree, the only problem was, they needed to be science classes. I’m an english nerd, having to dissect frogs was never my forte. My first trouble came when I had to take my first exam for Concepts in Biology - basically Biology for non-bio majors. I had studied my notes for almost two weeks, but when I sat down to take the test, it all just escaped me, there questions to things I didn’t remember going over in class, lists of terms that all seemed to be describing the same thing. When my mom picked me up that afternoon, I was a nervous wreck.

sound of heart pounding

            Jacob

I told her everything I just told you, and that I was afraid I’d fail, and not graduate in time to transfer to Rutgers. She did the typical mom thing, told me it would alright, then suggested I go online and try to find a video or something about relaxation exercises. Like any 23-year-old, I was hesitant to take my mother’s advice, but I knew I didn’t want to feel like this anymore, so I went to YouTube and searched for “meditation,” and found a twenty minute exercise led by a pretty, dark-haired woman named Melissa. I closed the blinds in my bedroom, started the video ….

Sound of heart pounding stops

Jacob

(relieved tone)

… and it worked. Twenty minutes later I opened my eyes ad felt better than I had in … I don’t know how long. It was like magic, everything came to me clearly and I could concentrate. I played the video and did the exercise every other, and finished out my last semester at CCM with Bs in both my science courses. Now, all my classes are in subjects I actually enjoy, I still get stressed from time-to-time about the work I have to do, but now I have a tool I can pull out of my pocket anytime I need it.

When you think about it, school is easy, you just follow directions, do whatever the teacher or the professor asks you to do, with your success depending on how much effort you’re willing to put in - work is pretty much the same, as is paying your bills, cooking, and taking care of your house. So many of the big parts of adult life that people complain of as being daunting, really aren’t, if you just follow the instructions. Of course, there’s one component of living in the real world that doesn’t come with instructions; one crucial, mysterious part of life that can be absolutely disastrous to navigate if one is not properly prepared.

(‘Mowgli’s Road,’ by Marina and the Diamonds starts playing)

Jacob

(sarcastic tone)

Relationships! Aren’t they just so much fun? Isn’t trying to find another human being, whom you find attractive, and who finds you attractive, and with whom you have enough emotional and intellectual compatibility to enjoy spending time around, as-well-as confess your deepest held hopes, dreams, and fears just sooooo easy? Especially when you consider the fact, that you have to pick this person out of the seven billion some odd people on this Earth? No? Well welcome to my world ass hole.

Romance has always eluded me, my parents didn’t talk to me about it growing up, nor did I want them to, I wasn’t interested in dating in junior high and high school, I just didn’t think it was the right time to do such things; and even if I was interested, I still wouldn’t have asked my mother and father for advice, for reasons I won’t go into here. As I would find out later, however, I was only screwing myself over. When I started at community college, I thought love would just happen to me, I’d meet a cool girl, and we’d just hit it off. But, that did not happen. I had no idea how to engage with women I was interested - literally no idea. And if one happened to be interested in me, I would magically lose all my social skills, I’d curl up into a fetal position, and find that I had forgotten how to use my mouth to communicate.

Again, I just didn’t know what to do, dating doesn’t come with a syllabus, there’s no rubric for asking a girl out, and you can’t go to office hours to learn where your flirting needs improvement. Yes, you can learn how to do these things, but I just was never able to: my older brother is gay, so I can’t talk to him about women, and I was never good at making friends - boys or girls - so there was never anyone I could ask about these things. Like any awkward, lovelorn boy in the twenty-first century I turned to the internet - I don’t mean porn, pull your mind out of the garbage.  I found articles on where to meet girls, how to approach them, what to say and how to hold their attention, all of it sounding reasonable. But, like any book worm, I know that it’s one thing to read about something, and another to actually translate it to the real world.

‘Mowgli’s Road’ fades out

(condescending, self-deluded tone)

So I decided to wait until I transferred to university, to an environment where I thought I could more easily pursue my quest. I convinced myself that community college just wasn’t a good place to find love: it was a county college, so people were coming from all over, and it just wouldn’t be convenient if I met someone I liked, and they happened to live in another town. No, it wouldn’t be convenient at all.  Also, these were only community college girls, they weren’t at the intellectual level I needed for a partner, the girls at university would be much more suitable.

So I’m at university, no more excuses, I’m surrounded by women my own age, here (I assume) looking for the same thing I am … and I just can’t make it happen. The closest I came was last semester, when there was a girl in my creative writing class I had a crush on. I planned it all out: before class started I would politely ask her to step to the side with me, where I would look her in the eyes, and ask her if she would like to go out with me. If she said yes, great; if she said no, I’d just brush it off: ‘Oh, that’s cool.’ But sure enough, I chickened out. I waited until class ended, and slipped her a note with ‘Will you go out with me?’ hastily scribbled on it. She picked it up, saw what I had written, and put the note away without even looking at me.

Down tempo, angry rock music starts playing

Jacob

(bitter and distressed)

I’d see couples walking around holding hands, here moaning from bedrooms late on weekend nights, and just become consumed with slow-burning rage, I’d want to scream at people: ‘Why is it easy for you, and not for me?’ And it felt good a while, it felt good getting angry, at least for a little while. I know that this was no way to live, so I did what I know I had to do.

Angry rock music stops

Silence

Tibetan bowl music plays

     Jacob

Meditation functions in the opposite way people think it does, people think you’re supposed to clear your mind of everything, when in fact, you’re supposed to focus on whatever is causing you distress. Sitting there, my eyes closed, I thought of all the anger I felt at not being able to figure out love, and I realized, all that anger I felt, was anger at myself. I realized the reason I kept stopping myself from doing things the way I knew I was supposed to, was because I was afraid of doing everything right and still failing. When the music stopped, and I opened my eyes, I knew that if I wanted to find love, I needed to admit there were things about myself I needed to work on before I was ready to give my life over to another person. I had to stop beating myself up because my life wasn’t what I thought it should be. How could I expect someone to love me if I couldn’t love myself?

In the West, and especially here in America, I feel like we’re conditioned to not look within ourselves for the source of our problems. We think everything can be solved by changing our external circumstances, by buying things, taking pills, blasting our emotions at the people and things that make us angry. We’ve surrounded ourselves with so much noise, that we’ve forgotten what it truly means to listen. That’s what meditation does for me, it helps me to detach myself from all the commotion crashing over me, to be in the moment, and realize, that even though I’ll always have problems in my life, I have the tools within myself to stop them from controlling me.

Music fades out

[robindaydream]

I’ve been meaning to write a more in-depth review of Hustle Cat, a magical dating sim from the people who made We Know the Devil, and I just now finally finished the last route so I figured now was as good a time as any.

I’m gonna be pretty free with spoilers in here, so be warned.

I really enjoyed the game, for the most part. The whole concept of this magic cat cafe where the employees transform into cats is really cool and lends itself to a lot of cute moments, and I was surprised by how much it explored the rules of magic in that world. I’m generally a big fan of magic in modern settings, and I liked that aspect of Hustle Cat quite a bit.

Most of the characters are really likeable, too, and they all have their endearing quirks. You’ve got Landry, who is a tall and sweet and crafty guy. Finley, who is a bubbly and playful and flirty girl. Hayes, who is a shy and gentle and thoughtful guy. Mason, who is a tough and quiet and stoic girl. Reese, who is... I guess I’m forced to call him tsundere, because that’s clearly what they’re going for, but mostly he’s just a jerk honestly. He was the one character I really didn’t like (even though he had cool magic). And then there’s Graves, the boss, who’s an absurd melodramatic goth nerd guy.

Oh, and of course Avery, the protagonist, who is kind of goofy and messy but a good person. You can choose whether Avery uses he, she, or they pronouns, and you can pick from a variety of portraits that have two different hair lengths and three different skin tones.

Most of the relationships progress in a fairly similar way. During the beginning of the game you make choices that are, for the most part, pretty clear in whether you’re getting closer to a person or not. Certain choices get you points with certain characters, and you end up with the character who got the most points. So that part is pretty standard as VNs go. The only exception is Graves’ route, which is the final secret route you can’t get until you beat all the others, and you can flirt with the other characters all you want but you have to make specific choices to end up with him.

All of the relationships progress through Avery teaching the other person magic, which Avery has been studying throughout the game after finding a magic book in the cafe basement. Each of them learns magic in a different way and this gives them a different kind of magic as a result, and the whole process is really interesting. Avery and their chosen partner grow closer through this and working through whatever is troubling that particular person, and most of the romances are pretty cute. There are a lot of cute awkward moments where you’re cuddling a cat but that cat is also a human being that you have a crush on.

So, mostly good stuff. There were a few things I feel could have been better.

First of all, except for in the bad end where Avery quits their job, they never actually turn into a cat themself. The cat thing is actually a curse, where the employees of the cafe all turn into cats when they leave the cafe (and can turn into one at will while inside), and a big part of the plot is figuring out how to break the curse, so in fiction Avery does not want to become a cat. They in fact break the curse on themself without realizing it, through their study of magic, and as a result they never transform.

There’s a really cute scene where you walk into the cafe while it’s not open, and you find Hayes, in cat form, snuggling with one of the regular cats. He says it was a new cat who was crying and feeling lonely and scared, so he wanted to comfort it. And it’s one of the sweetest and most adorable things I’ve ever seen, and I got me excited for the possibility that maybe I could be a cat and do something like that. The whole beginning part of the game is full of teases of things that could happen once you start transforming, but that moment never comes, and it left me pretty disappointed.

Second, as I mentioned above, which partner you end up with is decided by which choices you make in the beginning of the game. And I thought that was done pretty well. The choices generally seem clear on what they’re going to do. But the problem is that, once your partner is decided, there are no more choices for the remainder of the game (except for one, which is literally a choice between progressing or getting a game over). After that point, it’s just a story that you read.

And I enjoy it! The stories are mostly quite good. But I’m bothered by your choices only being about which partner you get with. I feel like I should get some say in how the romance plays out, too. I know that’s asking a lot, because that’s, like, a whole lot of extra stories that have to be written. But even if there were just little choices that only changed the dialogue in that scene, I feel like that’d be something. Mostly, I just feel like visual novels are best when they feel like you’re really choosing what happens in the story, and less like there’s a set list of stories and you’re picking which one you want read to you.

Lastly, playing through the Graves route, I was kind of hoping that it’d just be Avery having a crush on their boss without anyone actually acting on it, and it kind of seemed that way up until they kissed him at the end. It really weirded me out, on account of he’s their boss and more than twice their age (Graves is 39 and Avery is 19). I dunno, I don’t think it’s, like, the worst. But it’s definitely not cute, and I don’t really know how I’m supposed to imagine that relationship progressing after that moment. It’s kind of disappointing because I was really enjoying that route up until that moment, for the deeper look we got into Graves and also just because Graves is a lot of fun to read because he’s ridiculous.

But yeah, overall I really liked it. Cute characters and cute stories with good art and music. Like any VN it loses some of its charm as you play through every route and see certain things over and over, and my first playthrough (Finley) is still my favorite, but I’m definitely glad I checked it out.

[maneaterwithtail]

A lot of people were acquainted with him through his prolific participation in News & Politics, but to me Aaron was always an author, one half of the team behind Hybrid Theory. That fic was a bastion of creativity, drama, and wry humor; a ludicrous and ambitious premise, played gloriously straight. It provided me with much-needed hope and entertainment in years past. His death comes as a punch in the gut, and takes the wind of optimism out of my sails.

I never knew him well, and now I never will. Rest in peace, Aaron. The world is lessened by your absence from it.

-orm Ember

I didn't want to write this. 

Not just for the obvious reasons, that nobody likes to say goodbye to a friend like this. I didn't want to make this about me, because it isn't about me. I wanted to say something about him, to tell his story, to express the tiniest part of the loss I feel in a way others could understand. 

But I came to realise that it wasn't for me to tell his story. I can't. That story was for him to tell, and unfortunately, he cannot. The only story I have to tell is the story of us. So that's what I'll do. 

I met Aaron Peori when we were both new in high school, about twenty-five years ago. Glace Bay High was the tenth of the eleven schools that I attended in my eleven years of schooling, and so by then I was almost as well-practiced in "meet new friends" as I was in "meet the new local pack of bullies". Walking home, I noticed one guy about my age that always walked alone, reading a book. In other words, a fellow nerd, a weirdo, an outcast. Like me. After a couple of days of spotting this lone reading fellow, he happened to be reading a book by Christopher Pike, an author I also had books by. That was, as the saying goes, an opening.

"Hey, isn't that a Christopher Pike book?" I asked this stranger, casually, as if I hadn't already known.

He looked up at me, not even showing any surprise that some weirdo had walked up and asked about the book his nose was in. "Yes," he said, peering at me owlishly from behind his glasses, then after a moment added, "He's a good author."

By the time we reached home that day, we were already good friends. From that point on, in fact, we were virtually inseparable, aided by the fact that he lived almost literally in my backyard.

From the very beginning, we were creative collaborators. At first, we were using GI Joes and a few other toys in elaborate setpiece dioramas that spanned his house's enclosed front porch, and sometimes spilled out to occupy part of the year as well. Factions, sacrifices, betrayals, and no doubt embarassing-in-retrospect dialogue were all a part of those first afternoons and weekends.

I think he first got a copy of the Marvel Super Heroes RPG from his cousin. Before I'd met him, Aaron and his cousin had both been drawing their own comics about a space-based superhero team called Sonis. Now, with a tool that you could use tell stories about superheroes, and rules to arbitrate - our new great dioramas were ones made of words, not toys. I quickly made my own "expanded universe", about a group of mercenary superheroes called Heroes For Hire. 

At that point, what turned out to be a very long-lasting pattern was set. Aaron was the GM, and I was the player. Aaron created the worlds, and I lived the characters in them. He did want me to be the GM sometimes (it's more fun being the player!), but I was always uncomfortably aware how much better at it he was than me, and so I felt intimidated to pit my own lesser stories against the epics he created.

As time went on, another pattern that would be long-lasting emerged: Aaron and I's stories became vastly greater in scope. He rewrote the resolution system of the game to account for much higher power levels than the original design used (Ochre feats!), and eventually we dispensed with the rules altogether, playing completely free-form with no set rules and only the occasional dice roll. I learned to handle multiple characters at once, and bored at the success easily reached by my insanely overpowered characters, learned to find more fun in getting them in trouble instead. Aaron learned to handle the narrative challenges faced by trying to craft stories about protagonists who had literal "I win" powers, and weren't very likeable to boot.

Very little of Heroes For Hire would be something I wouldn't be embarassed to show off today, but my former internet nom de guerre "Blade" comes from the most central and overpowered character of those days.

About a year before I left Cape Breton, Aaron and I discovered two things of lasting consequence: anime, via his having a comic adaptation of the movie "Project A-ko" in his huge box of comics that I would regularly raid, and fanfiction, which I had been introduced to via USENET by another friend of mine, Mark MacIsaac. After I left, Aaron had more free time, and thus he started writing a story that combined two of his favourite things: the then-popular anime Ranma 1/2, and Star Wars. 

Aaron wrote prolifically, longhand on sheaths of paper, in his inscrutable and typo-laden scrawl. My role in those first stories, for all they were credited under both our names, was just to type these up and edit them - but that wasn't a small task, to be fair. I can type 60wpm despite still pecking with two fingers instead of touch-typing, a skill that dates to those early manuscripts. 

That level of collaboration, though, wasn't enough. Soon we took to role-playing games again, and I took on various Ranma characters in lengthy phone conversations where he was once again the DM. Those games formed several of the plots for Ranma: Curse of Darkness, and the entirety of the plot of Kyoto Chronicles (sadly never actually finished), along with other stories both Ranma and non that never made it to the internet. Again, he would write the scripts and I would type them up, now with more creative control and editing. 

The time came when we once again lived in the same city, able to really collaborate with both of us writing scenes. All of this finally culminated in Hybrid Theory, our longer-than-Lord-of-the-Rings magnum opus, and something we were both pretty proud of despite the various flaws and that we totally botched poor Rei's character arc.

After writing something like that, we were sure, it would be easy to write something for professional publication. But unfortunately, it never came to be. Circumstances separated us again, several promising projects got stalled after a few chapters, and then the grinding workload he faced at his job hurt his ability to write consistently.

But Aaron never stopped writing fanfiction. His mind never stopped working. Most of what he wrote was "junk" in his words, and he wouldn't even show it to me, but he was still thinking up stories and worlds and his favourite thing of all: elaborate fight scenes. He once told me he could write in any series, no matter how crappy or derivative, "as long as the main characters can run up walls".

It frustrates me that I cannot prove to anyone here how brilliant Aaron was, because that brilliance was hidden behind the various flaws in his prose style. His prospensity for typos never did much improve, though he could at least spellcheck stuff he wrote on a computer rather than longhand. He never got hung up like me searching for the exact right word, and so he often just used the same words over and over. For those that read his last work, I can only explain that I took out a ton of "snaps" - "snapped her head back", "snapped his wrist forward", "the snake snapped out" and yet there are STILL that many in there. I was going to do a much more thorough editing pass when it was finished. 

But that is all surface-level. Where Aaron excelled was in his vision for a setting and story. He could take the ridiculous and make it somehow sublime - indeed, he often challenged himself with making ridiculous or cliche concepts work. He could keep track of a million dancing pieces and know precisely which should enter the stage, and from where. It's not that I didn't contribute meaningfully to our collaborative efforts, but I often felt like a child with crayons colouring in the lines of a sketch by Da Vinci. Even if my colouring was good, it wasn't the masterpiece.

His players knew, though. Another habit Aaron kept for the rest of his life was GMing (though he enjoyed playing, when the opportunity was afforded to him), even if he couldn't do it as much in recent years. Aaron was a masterful GM, able to coax out strong story arcs and dramatic moments from players of any skill level, able to make NPCs that the players hated or loved or both, able to coax rambunctious player parties into dramatic clashes and events that never felt railroaded. But perhaps even more than that, he was a master of making game rules work for him instead of against him. Aaron loved role playing game rules: one of his primary hobbies and uses of his spare cash was to buy new gamebooks, even if he never planned to use them for a game. He'd devour them, expertly analyse their strengths and flaws, modify and house-rule them to his liking, and even a notoriously tricky game to GM like Exalted flowed smoothly in his hands.

His set of replacement Dragonblooded charms are still the best and most flavourful charmset ever made for them. And he always maintained that the best game system to run Star Wars with was the pulp action game Adventure! - which was the very last game I'd play with him. He was, as always on these matters, completely correct.

In another world, even with the problems we had, I'm sure Aaron could have been a published author. The problem, if problem it was, was that Aaron's prolificness stemmed from his own joy in writing and creating. Ultimately, if he was more interested in writing about a magical self-insert Sakura than he was in something "professional", then that's what he did. He took note of criticism and changed things if he got it, but ultimately the only critic whose opinion he internalised was himself. He wrote because he enjoyed writing. If somebody else enjoyed what he did, great. If nobody did, he'd write anyway.

Aaron and I were so close that my father asked me if we were gay once. We weren't - I'm straight, and he was (unknowingly at the time) asexual. But we loved each other anyway. We had the kind of easy camraderie and understanding where we could nostalge and talk for hours upon hours, week upon week, and never get bored even when we didn't have really anything to talk about. We were never bored of each other's company. From that very first day we met, we understood each other in ways that nobody else ever did, or ever would. I never pictured my life without Aaron in it. I was going to be a writer, I knew at 15 years old, with Aaron. I was going to move back to Canada someday - and live near Aaron. 

There is a hole, and it cannot be filled. It hurts, and it will always hurt. And yet I am greater for having it. It is unthinkable to wish that I didn't have it. My life without Aaron is unthinkable. I'll have to think of it, maybe another day, but not yet.

Aaron's last few years were difficult in some ways. He stuck in a predatory, horrible job that left him perpetually sick and exhausted, the only thing in the 25 years I knew him that actually forced him to stop writing and GMing for any length of time. He was too proud to take help, too tired to look for an alternative. He nearly died of a perforated ulcer a few years ago, and that added "chronic pain" to his ailments, and being him, he would only take painkillers when it became unbearable. It was unsustainable, we knew it, but he was always reaching for that promotion that would finally bring the shorter hours he had been asking for. In the meantime, he'd always say "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." I wish he had been right.

And yet.

In those same years, Aaron discovered himself. He discovered that he wasn't the strange not-wanting-sex freak he had grown up thinking he was, that there were many people like him out there. He got in touch with the emotions he had suppressed within himself due to a traumatic childhood experience, and while he sometimes had difficulty handling his newfound sadness (he was striken by grief like I'd never seen over the death of his grandfather) or anger (political topics were verboten in our conversations over the last few years), I believe that for all the pain and overwork and lack of creative output he was still in some ways never happier than he was these last few years.

He told me once that he wanted to find a partner of either gender, who didn't need or didn't want sex, but could be with him and hold him close when he needed it. I cried, and told him I knew he could find someone once he was out of that job. He deserved it. He deserved that happiness too.

This forum (although not solely) had a lot to do with him discovering himself, and that is why I felt I had to post about him here. You meant more to him than you know, and to some of you, though I don't know your names, I owe a debt I can never repay. Whoever you are, thank you so much. You helped him in a way I couldn't. The joy and hope of his last years came from the help you gave him.

And that's the end of the story of us. Aaron was exhausted, pushing himself beyond what he ever should have - now, at least, he can rest. Aaron was in pain, but now the pain is gone. There was nothing good or right or kind or acceptable about it, but it can't be changed, it can't be helped. 

Goodbye, Aaron. I love you. Thank you for writing stories with me.

-Chris Mcneil addressing sufficient velocity forums

[mrmichaelchadler]

Bright Wall/Dark Room July 2018: A Room with a View

We are pleased to offer an excerpt from the latest edition of the online magazine, Bright Wall/Dark Room. The theme for our July issue is "Heat," and in addition to Fran Hoepfner's piece below about "A Room with a View," they also have new essays on "Miami Blues," "The Lost City of Z," "Thelma & Louise," "Kiss Me Deadly," "Rebecca," "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Fahrenheit 451," "Jezebel," "Rango," Oliver Stone, and a piece exploring how heat functions in the screen adaptations of Tennessee Williams' plays. 

You can read previous excerpts from the magazine by clicking here. To subscribe to Bright Wall/Dark Room, or purchase a copy of their current issue, click here. 

i.

Summer is restless and stupid and hot. I have written about this before (and before that) and I’ll write about it again. The season itself is bad, I think, and yet, year after year, I cannot help but set wildly high expectations for myself. I’ll go to the beach every weekend. I’ll run 10 miles. I’ll shave my head. I’ll have a passionate, short-lived affair with someone I’ll never see again. What do I expect? It’s always the same, and it’s always lackluster. I get sunburned, I get sick of running, I’m growing out my hair. An old girlfriend peels herself away from me—this is before I got my AC unit and we stuck to each other if we embraced for even a second—“We should really make a summer bucket list,” she suggests. I can’t even make that happen. Anyway: I’m really making the most of my July so far, can’t you tell?

This summer, I’ve already turned down minor league baseball games and park outings and even just going for a walk around the block, in favor of lying on my stomach and curating my FilmStruck watchlist. OK, fine, I’ll stop bragging. What I will say is that I added A Room With a View to my watchlist because I thought, “Is this The Age Of Innocence?” And you know those memes that are like, “EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY”? One is me running 10 miles; one is me sleeping all hours of the day. One is The Age Of Innocence; one is A Room With a View. The answer, of course, is that it was not The Age Of Innocence. It was A Room With a View. Insert meme here.

ii.

So if A Room With a View is not The Age Of Innocence—and for what it’s worth, when you’re expecting a Scorsese and wind up with an Ivory, that might be one of the only expectation vs. reality situations in which you’re not settling—I will tell you what it is: A 1985 period drama directed by James Ivory, based on a novel of the same name by E. M. Forster. “Ivory?” you might ask, “as in Merchant and?” to which I would say, yes, of course. And maybe, if you are between the ages of 19-22, you might instead ask, “Ivory? As in the guy who wore a Timothée Chalamet dress shirt to the Oscars this year? The screenwriter of Call Me By Your Name?” To which I would say, yes, it’s the same guy. The script, in turn, was written by longtime Merchant/Ivory collaborator Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, who captures, in Helena Bonham Carter’s Lucy Honeychurch, the elegant moodiness and confusion that is often part of being a young woman. Lucy has come to Florence with her cousin and chaperone, Charlotte Bartlett (Maggie Smith), whose first line in the film notably summarizes my entire summer thus far: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”

iii.

This summer hasn’t even had the decency to have consistently good weather. Rain one day, hot rain the next day; 90 degrees and sweltering the day after, only to be followed by a dip in temperature so baffling I find myself wearing a jacket to take out the trash. I can’t predict it. I can’t control it. So you see, another thing about curating my FilmStruck watchlist: it is perhaps the only thing I have in my life right now that gives me any remote sense of stability. I put what I want on there, and no one can say or do otherwise.

In the past month of my life, I have moved not once but twice, quit my job, endured a breakup, and watched a half-dozen friends move to the opposite side of the country. This is fine; I am fine. I mean, there are 28 films on my watchlist and I occasionally spiral, unsure of what to watch, shut off my laptop in a fit of indecision and stare at the ceiling until 3 in the morning, but again, I am fine. Today, rain; tomorrow, sun. The day after, who has any idea? I brazenly entered my late 20s earlier in the year with the confidence of, I don’t know, two women looking to enjoy a nice vacation to Florence and, say it with me now: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”

iv.

Charlotte, and in turn Lucy, are not talking about my wayward late 20s, though; they are discussing their room in an Italian pensione (fake word) in Florence. It was meant to have a view, you see. (A room with a—you get it.) A view of the Arno, a river I know about mainly from the daily crossword. But they don’t have a view. Charlotte audibly complains about this at dinner that night, well within earshot of the pensione’s other inhabitants: Eleanor Lavish (Judi Dench), a bawdy female novelist (literally can you imagine); the kind, gossipy spinsters, the Misses Alans (Fabia Drake and Joan Henley); the amiable Reverend Mr. Beebe (Simon Callow—ICONIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!); and the Emersons, an oddball father (Denholm Elliott) and his brooding but hot as hell son, George (Julian Sands).

And here’s where the magic happens: the Emerson boys have a view, and they’re willing to give it up to Charlotte and Lucy––free of charge. What they wanted (which was not what they got) could be what they get, if only they accept a gracious favor. Charlotte, obviously, says no.

Though Charlotte’s reasons to refuse can easily be traced to a British rigidity, there’s an emotional self-punishment here that feels recognizable. When someone does a good thing because you’ve more or less asked for it, it feels correct to say no. To stay the course, keep carrying the burden, and so on and so forth. The face reddens, the jaw clenches. “Women like looking at a view,” Mr. Emerson generalizes, in a way that both offends and humors me, “Men don’t.” To accept feels wrong, it feels like stepping outside of oneself and bridging a gap. Charlotte does not want something owed to two men she has never met. Later, after the dinner, the Reverend Mr. Beebe and Lucy convince her she ought to accept. It’s what they all want, as indelicate as it is. A Miss Alan says: “But things that are indelicate can sometimes be beautiful.” Touché.

v.

Lucy and George make out in a field of barley. This is scandalous, insane, beautiful.

vi.

If there’s one thing that rarely lives up to expectations, it’s the comfort of returning home after a vacation. For Lucy, going home is a punishment. There is no relief in the distance between her and Charlotte, or her and George, for that matter. Not only is it summer in England, the heat pooling in the crevasses of their long-sleeved linen clothing, but at home, there is Cecil Vyse (Daniel Day-Lewis). 

Cecil is a nightmare. He’s the worst possible amalgamation of what every person who describes themselves as a nerd on dating apps is like in real life: loud, boastful, pretentious, chaste, rude, and stuffy. He doesn’t like being outside. He hoards Lucy like a possession to be trotted out. He loves to read aloud from a book, the Victorian era version of making someone watch an eight-minute long video. He has never had fun and he’s not interested in the idea of it whatsoever. At one point, he mentions the concept of a joke, and I know he’s never even heard one before.

Cecil is reality to a tee. Nothing you want but everything you deserve. I hate him. He’s my favorite character. In keeping with this month’s theme, it’s funny to think I thought A Room With a View would be a traditional period piece, when in actuality it’s a very dressed up jocks vs. nerds narrative. The more you know, etc.

Because summer is hell, and hell is always finding new ways of making itself worse, Cecil does the worst possible thing imaginable: he invites the Emerson father and son to stay in a home for lease in their village. Why the fuck does he do this? According to Cecil, as a prank (Author’s note: this is not a prank). On who? Uh, the landlord? Rich people should not be allowed to ever think they are funny. This is borderline life-ruining for Lucy, who was hoping she could use the time at home to get over her crush. No such luck! For now she is home for the summer with both a fiancé and a crush and a wayward younger brother, and everyone looking to her to do the right thing. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to be.

Vii.

My worst opinion on A Room With a View is that I wondered for many weeks after seeing it if Helena Bonham Carter was miscast. It’s strange to watch her at only 19, when she has occupied a certain witchy middle age for the entire time I’ve known her on screen. Lucy, to me, was so passive and formal and rigid. “Don’t you know Helena Bonham Carter is a total freak?” I wanted to ask. (Again: “This is not at all what we were led to expect.”) It wasn’t until I started my rewatch that I finally got it. There is a moment in which Lucy excuses herself after an odd conversation with Mr. Emerson, saying Charlotte will want her back. “Poor girl,” he notes. She takes offense. “Poor girl? I think of myself as a very fortunate girl. I’m thoroughly happy and having a splendid time,” she tells him. I’m thoroughly happy, she says, no trace of a smile on her face, and having a splendid time, she adds, every muscle frozen into the utmost perfect posture.

This was not, in my assumption, a passive and formal and rigid girl; this was a weirdo trapped in the social norms of turn of the century England. “Mother doesn’t like me playing Beethoven—she says I’m always peevish afterwards,” Lucy tells Mr. Beebe at one point. Has a more goth sentence ever been uttered? In a documentary produced 30 years after the film’s release, Bonham Carter herself says she imagines she got the part because she came in looking so disinterested, slumped over, and moody. Lucy Honeychurch is a young woman burdened by the rigorous expectations thrust upon her from every side. She ought to marry Cecil. She ought to stay at home. She ought not to travel alone or live in London or be by herself or anything that exerts any type of independent thought. No wonder she’s in a bad fucking mood all the time! Maybe that’s why the Emersons seem so appealing. They answer to no one. 

In an act of desperation, she lies. (When a description of a book or a movie tells you it is about repression in society, that is code for lying.) Even in the opening moments, the milliseconds before “This is not at all what we were led to expect,” Lucy opens and closes her mouth. She wants to say something. She wants to express her disappointment. But she shuts it before Charlotte says something. There isn’t supposed to be anything wrong. Everything is precisely as it’s meant to be, even if it’s a lie.

viii.

I did not expect there would be an extended scene of full frontal male nudity but what can you do!

On a warm summer’s afternoon, George, Mr. Beebe, and Lucy’s brother Freddy (Rupert Graves—a crush!) go for a naked swim in what the Honeychurch siblings refer to as their sacred pond. The scene is miraculous: playful and happy and free. It’s everything Lucy isn’t. Earlier in the film, she mentions to Cecil that she used to swim there until she was caught.

I don’t want to go so far as to say that it’s the act of stumbling upon these naked men running around with their flaccid dicks that breaks Lucy, jumpstarting what is essentially a nervous breakdown causing her to lie to everyone she knows including herself about what she wants to do with herself and her life and her engagement and whatever the fuck George wants, but…it certainly doesn’t help.

ix.

Summers end. Heat abides. “Is it even the longest day yet?” is asked quietly on an outing to the beach. No, but it comes quicker than you realize and then it’s cold before you know it. Maybe it’s the not knowing about the weather that’s the only constant we have right now (extremely right now). As the days get darker and colder and windier, Lucy goes to see Mr. Emerson and speaks, almost plainly, about how abominable George has behaved towards her.

“He only tried when he should not have tried,” Mr. Emerson says, sympathetically. George’s sin was acting in his self-interest, and what he believed (correctly) to be the self-interest of Lucy. Isn’t it stupid, doing what you want sometimes? In spite of everything else, including the whole world? Feels like the most summer action you could take. Mr. Emerson goes one step further, and he breaks the news to Lucy: he and George are leaving and heading back to London. And it is only when faced with something truly unexpected—a surprise, a change, an abrupt action for which she is the direct catalyst—that Lucy cries. It’s the storm at the end of a hot summer day. These are not delicate, poised tears streaming one by one down the side of her face. They are heavy, hurtful sobs. She can’t control it. She’s free.

Because none of it is fair. The summer is long and awful. Unfair. She can’t love who she wants to love. Unfair. She’s forced to love someone she can’t stand. Unfair. She has to wear, like, a long-sleeved dress in the summertime! UNFAIR! Summer ought to stand for a specific type of freedom—emotional, physical, let those bellies hang out, etc.—and yet it’s unnaturally burdensome. It’s repressive. It forces us back within ourselves, questioning and nervous and moody as all fuck. And so, to cry—to full-on heave, honestly, at this particular misery, both an over- and an underreaction—is quite possibly the most liberating thing Lucy can do. This is the sacred pond, renewing and refreshing and horrible, baptizing her in something new.

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