#the conflict between wanting someone to understand exactly what you mean and only being able to find words that get Close...

[nyanbinary-81]

OKAY. OKAY. SO. @punk-junkie69 hi its me again. i figured id visualize what the hell i was talking abt for u bc its really hard to get across in tags so BEHOLD. STELLAR SKETCHBOOK PAGE I DID.

i unfortunately didnt have time to do much more but this is my preliminary exploration of your oc and her identity in relation to skating and maria. i was trying a bunch of stuff at once in a very short amount of time, a lot of which i didnt end up liking, seeing how the faces differed and what elements could be combined or changed, etc.

and some of it didnt even make it past the highlighter phase. highlighter is actually a relatively new technique to me, i last did it several months ago with watercolor cats, so for someone who actually Does this regularly, id recommend checking out ginjaninjaowos recent videos and especially sketchbook tours, its fascinating stuff.

i was having a really good time playing with ponytail vs scarf vs tail for the flowy silhouette, so i took a different pose i tried and liked:

i felt like with the shapes i was going for, this post highlighted what i could do with them and left room for testing out the flow of different elements, so THIS is the one i took to digital, even though the pose itself doesnt scream "ice skater" like the actual referenced sketch from the previous page.

i stuck to 4 simple ones: a couple extra long ponytails, a big scarf, and one with the original trifecta of design elements. you can see how each of them has a different feeling, and even the consistent silhouette brings its own feeling which modifies the final product, so again theres a lot of iterating that could be done.

and there are. a lot of things. very fundamental things. that i would personally change about stellar if i designed her. but thats not relevant. you know why? because YOU can do whatever you want forever.

my biggest criticism of the crit you received off reddit is that they kind of. tell you where to go with the design? "lose this, emphasize that, do it This Way and think abt the Lore". i dont like that! i think art is at its best when its wildly self indulgent. if you want to give her a bonkers complicated sword bc it sounds awesome, do it!! if you want to give her hair instead of quills bc it looks better, then give her hair!! its Your Art!! make it worse on purpose to see what sticks! throw spaghetti at that wall! thats the primary reason why i made her fat in my version; because i would have fun drawing it, and therefore be happier with both the process and result. it making sense for the character is how i propaganda other people into doing it (this is a bit).

i actually really liked your initial sketch of her bc regardless of anything that could be improved, theres a lot of heart in it! theres whimsy in that pose and smile! theres fun in those patterns and complexities! the most recent iteration is Nice, but for as much as shes been "improved", she feels like she lost something. so go back!! make her worse and more fun on purposed!! for your soul!!!

[koy6na]

conflicted

xavier isn't really your type, so you say. so why does being with him feel so incredibly right? tags: 4.8k words, nsfw, overstimulation, creampie, spit mentioned, mating press, fem reader

a/n: i wanted to write reader as someone who has trouble knowing what she wants and is in denial of her feelings. xavier is very understanding of this. also sorry this got wayyyy too long i went on a weird tangent towards the end oopsie:3

he’s not the type you typically go for. he’s a bit of a basket case and his eyes are unusually assertive. maybe it was the unavoidable fact that he was your co-worker that made him desirable to you that night. maybe it was those annoyingly alluring blue eyes whose gaze you tried your hardest to avoid. either way it wasn’t like the two of you were dating. if you asked him exactly what you were he’d probably categorize you as colleagues.

sure, you had hooked up a handful of times. you’d “mistakenly” stumble upon his doorstep, claiming it was a drunken accident after a clumsy night out. he’d insist on getting you your first sip of water in over four hours and a nice meal to combat the liquor. before bed when you’re washing your face in his bathroom, you tell yourself it that it doesn't quite feel right. he’s too uniform, too clean, and way too normal. you didn’t mean to lead him on. you never thought he'd grow to like you this much. you're not sure how to feel.

your last hookup was with a friend of a friends at a lackluster party, your last relationship ended with a sad last hurrah, and though you don't really want to admit it, you hadn’t really been seeing anyone other than xavier for the past year. it wasn’t like you to be so still, so stagnant with someone who you didn't call a boyfriend. his soap smelled nice and his towels were soft. you swear you’d never seen a cleaner bathroom in your life. today when you show up unannounced at his door he doesn’t question you. he simply stands aside as you saunter into the living room. things were strikingly casual but you liked it that way. it was simpler, easier to digest. no strings or promises to uphold. it was just sex, and anyways there was the matter of workplace etiquette. the two of you could only be considered colleagues after all.

his living room is neat, everything in precise order. his house smells nice, but you can’t quite name the exact scent. when you take a seat on his couch he doesn’t hesitate to take the spot next to you. "did you ever get the lab results from those aether cores we found last week?" you ask as you lean against his side, fidgeting with your phone. you can feel his eyes boring into you. "no not yet. who are you texting?" he asks bluntly. "tara." the conversation lays flat against the two of you. it never goes too low or too high. right in the middle where it's comfortable. you go from laying against his ribcage to having your head in his lap. the movie you'd turned on was beginning to drag, the popcorn he'd made an hour ago was stale. you couldn't help but wonder if maybe the two of you had gotten too casual, but you also don't know why you care so much. you knew what you wanted from him because there was only one thing standing between you.

the first time was a mistake. an honest mistake on a bad night out. you're not sure why he was there or why you even went over to him in the first place. there was a stumble to get into the elevator. you were certain you'd pressed floor 5. or had you even pressed the button at all? a part of you believed that xavier had beaten you to the chase and maybe led you straight to your doom after all. when you both arrived at the sixth floor you couldn't bring yourself to protest xavier's suggestion to come in, just for a bowl of ramen.

upon entering his apartment you can recall the shuffle of feet and the thrashing of tongues. you remember the flush of his face and exactly what his fingers felt like. to your horror you had been able to remember too much of what had occurred the night before.

you were terrified the next morning to discover just how far things had progressed. yet when you saw him, it all became weirdly normal. there was something calm and yet slightly unnerving in the way he looked at you. at first it creeped you out, although discomfort quickly turned to intrigue. it seemed like he actually enjoyed knowing that the two of you had slept together. a strange feeling of lust mixed with something more complex overcomes you with a chill when you remember.

when you sit up slowly, face inches from his, he barely reacts. you see the twinge in the diameter of his pupils but remind yourself that a normal person would've never noticed something so trivial. "what is it?" he asks, his voice is still calm. "i was just thinking that we could be doing something else right now. something fun." you whisper. you're sure he can feel the vibrations in your voice from the forced proximity between you. he swallows thickly, and you feel the motion in your bones. "what are you suggesting?" he asks, the corners of his mouth twinging upwards.

you're both smiling at each other. you waste no time begging or being extra suggestive. you slip your palm over his crotch as your lips meet his. his lips move against yours making you feel the contrast in tempo. xavier's tongue gently melts against your wild, convulsing muscle. it's so like him to be so sensual and particular. it's annoying. a casual hookup isn't supposed to be all lovey-dovey like this. from what you've experienced they're usually clumsy and messy and typically you want them to be over as soon as they start. you always have to push him a little to speed things up.

you can feel how hard he is. the material of his pants is taut against the growing tension. when you start to unbutton him he quickly grabs your wrist. you gasp lightly at how abrupt he is. "someone's feeling bold today." he whispers, the words flutter against your lips. "you don't want to?" you ask, knowingly. he laughs breathlessly. "i didn't say that." he mumbles before dropping your wrist into his lap. your hand instinctively cups his cock. a muffled whimper escapes him. to others he might seem restrictive towards his emotions but his boyish tendencies often showed during moments like these. he was actually quite easy to read. you were sure xavier hoped for something more than a sleazy happening. you were sure from the way that he looked at you that he saw more than a hookup, and much more than a colleague.

the drastic contrast that reverberated in waves between you and xavier was becoming too stark. he was exceedingly successful in his work and he seemed to you like the world’s most reliable guy ever. you were clumsy, disorganized, and hopeless at times. sure you worked harder than ever as part of the hunter's association, but your reasoning dwelled deeper than a good work ethic.

you didn't have time for a relationship, and certainly not a relationship with someone as put together as xavier. although there were times it felt like there was a different side to him, something less proper. something more like you. it flickered in his face like candlelight before blowing away like smoke.

you start to take off your shorts, trying to ignore xavier's searing gaze on you. when he finally lets you unsheathe him, you don't waste any time. his eyes grow in shock when you slide yourself into his lap. your clit bumps against the underside of his shaft as you shamelessly grind against him. you've never done it like this with him. you want to take whatever it is you need from him, unapologetically so he gets the idea. whatever's going on with you two, it was strictly for pleasure. you moan louder than you intend to when you finally slide down on him.

you can't help but be a little embarrassed at how wet you are from just a little bit of kissing but you definitely can feel how much he's twitching inside of you. you grin at the way his hips stutter against the back of your thighs. he's got it worse than you. "i didn't think you liked it this way." xavier's voice is strained as he remarks. "of course i like it this way." you respond unequivocally. you're breathless as you grind up and down onto him. you know he's gonna cum first, you can feel it as you increase the tempo. the stretch is honestly remarkable. he's definitely the biggest you've ever been with but you try not to think about it too much.

for such a docile guy he can be a bit surprising in the bedroom. so when he tightens his grip around you and starts pistoning in and out, you can't stop the hitch in your breath and the pathetic moan that tumbles out of your mouth.

his head is buried in your chest. he's close enough to where you can hear each frenzied pant. you get the sudden urge to tease him, just a little. you can’t help but smile as you loop your hands through his hair, petting the back of his head. he shudders a bit before forcing himself deep into you, your thighs crush against each others with unexpected strength. the angle he's hitting feels nothing short of insane to you. like he's putting every ounce of effort into forcing his cock inside you and pulling an orgasm straight from within.

ugh, he always does this, you think to yourself.

you know he's close and before you know it, he's almost getting you there. the rhythm of his thrusts starts to slow. he loosens his grip against you, snaking a hand between the two of you to thumb against your clit.

he's looking at you now, and you despise how good he looks.

his cheeks are flushed and somehow his eyes look even bluer than usual. his lips are parted and his panting is gradually becoming more like moans. your hips falter as your mouth parts slightly.

his thumb moves in brisk pulses as his hips are shaky and uneven. when he cums, your whole body moves with his. a couple short, hard thrusts into your spasming hole cause your moans to go high pitched and sharp. the staccato of your bodies transposes notes to your voices. you're so close you can practically grab it with your own two hands. he's cumming in you, it's so hot it's nauseating. you can't seem to remember when you starting letting him do it raw.

all that you can recall is that it was definitely his idea.

his thumb hasn't stopped circling that tender spot between your legs. his thrusts have stopped completely and his head rests on the couch now. your hips raise, unintentionally before coming back down. you start to find a pitiful rhythm to fuck yourself on his dick to. he's so overstimulated, one because he just came and you're so tight, and wet, and so so warm,

but also because he almost can't bear to see that unbelievably desperate face you're making.

"fuck, fuck i'm cumming." you whine, tilting your head back as your eyelids shut tightly. when you cum it's like your whole body freezes, you're only able to slide your cunt over his softening cock. you're losing yourself to pleasure and yet you hate that you can't pull yourself together in front of him. you know for a fact that he's got his eyes locked on your expression. so why do you let your mouth fall open? why do you let that desperate, breathy moan slip out for him? when you barely flit your eyes open you catch a glimpse of him.

he looks like he's in pain almost.

he's wincing at the strangulating feeling of you cumming on his flaccid cock. eyebrows scrunched, heaving like he just can't seem to catch his breath.

the aftershock of your orgasm makes your thighs shake like a new born deer. your breathing is uneven as you lift yourself off of him, your own breath hitches when you hear him hiss sharply. you collapse against him on the couch, unable to pry your eyes from the sight of his creamy, softening dick in front of you.

his pants are still halfway on his thighs, yet they're perfectly clean and black. you can feel his cum slipping out of you and you try your best to hold in a moan. when you get the chance to slip away into the bathroom you find yourself in a strange mood. you knew it was time to get cleaned up and head out, but you're fidgeting in the shower, stalling almost.

just a second more to breathe in the misty scent of his shampoo. you hope he doesn't bother to even say goodbye, that he only let you in to have a measly fuck. when you turn the faucet to the right, the sudden absence of the scalding water leaves goosebumps along your skin. you run your hands over your slicked body. you remember his hands around your torso, and his lips against the shell of your ear. you think about the fact that he likes having his hair played with and that face he makes when he puts it in like it's the first time every time. he always lets you cum no matter what and do whatever you want to him. you know exactly how he feels about you, so why are you hesitating?

you know the right thing to do is leave. go back to your apartment and stop playing house with someone who deserves someone other than you. but when you open the door to see him sitting, waiting for you on the other side, you feel sick to your stomach.

his head immediately perks up at the sight of you, wet hair and still dewy from the water. "that was a long shower." he says liltingly. you're speechless for a second before fickly reminding yourself to not let the lines blur too much. "sorry. i think i'm gonna head out soon. got some work to do." your voice is colder than you intended to make it. his eyes lower, as he turns his gaze to the side. you're not sure what to say for the millionth time in this apartment.

you hate how uncomfortable this whole routine is and you can't help but feel sorry for him. for the past few months he's been giving you the same response when you leave. like a child being left with an unwanted babysitter.

like he thinks he'll be fine after you leave and yet for some reason he doesn't want you to go.

he always looks angry at first but you watch in silent regret as it turns to disappointment. you press your lips together in awkward reform. you expect him to give you a lofty goodbye. to walk you out with a chaste kiss. instead he's pulling you in. "we both know you don't need to be doing any more "work" than you've already done." he says sweeping you into his arms. you're frozen as he leans in. "you're always so quick to leave." he whispers as his lids grow heavy. your hand rests on his tricep, you smile at him nervously.

you can't tell if you want to melt into his touch or to run far away. the lovesick look on his face is adding fuel to the fire burning a hole straight through your sternum. "i've just been slacking on paperwork. i guess there's more to being a hunter than just killing wanderers." you reply. you're desperately trying to combat this strange occurrence, but you can feel your voice getting sweeter as you sink into him.

you're think you're actually sinking into the ambience of the room and the idea of how domestic this whole thing is. "but i've got dinner going on the stove, so you can't leave yet." xavier's rocking you back and forth in his lap slightly and you can't help but flush with embarrassment.

since when did you become so sappy?

you don't push him away when he kisses you, once on the cheek and twice on the lips. there's the familiar feeling of being doted on far too much for your sanity. you feel smothered by the sudden desire to lay in his lap and kiss and never be apart. "stay. you should stay the night." he whispers lowly. before you can stop yourself you're nodding at him.

dinner tastes like affliction when you're scarfing it down to avoid saying too much at the table. he won't stop looking at you. even after your useless tirade about different aether cores and whether or not your evol could resonate with people you don't like. he always answers as honestly and as thoroughly as he can.

when he reaches his hand across the table to grab yours, you're tormented by the way his thumb caresses the back of your hand. you smile that same feeble smile you seem to be producing whenever you're shown affection and try to play off the way you awkwardly snatched your hand back. with a nervous laugh and a pang of anxiety rushing through you, you can't really seem to think straight. when you slip under the table, between xavier's knees the look on his face makes the guilty, sunken feeling in your stomach a thousand times worse.

you've done this before, so why is he making that face? like he feels sorry for you. like maybe he thinks this should be the last time you see each other. you're not sure what to do or say to him when he's like this. because this was complicated. this was the exact reason you didn't want to get involved with him in the first place. there was no shame in having sex, however the shame that overcame your senses under xavier's gaze was becoming too much to bear.

the signals in your brain are getting all mixed up, your nerves are reacting in the worst way possible. why is this so diffucult for you to navigate? you want to go home and bury your head into the blankets. instead you're sliding your hand up and down xavier's hardening cock."what's this about?" he asks, dully. you're unable to stop yourself from glancing down in quiet humiliation.

"i thought you wanted this." you mumble, barely above your breath. you let go of him and sink back on your knees, your hands resting in your lap. xavier makes a noise, telling you he knows what you're referring to. when he zips his pants, he's looking down at you with an unreadable, yet dormant expression. he scoots his chair back and gently moves the hair from your face. "come here." his voice is still calm, but you can't ignore the sweet, nurturing tone.

when you stand between his legs, still gazing at the floor he laughs lightly. "what's wrong? did something happen to make you act all weird today?" he teases. a million complex questions run rampant in the front of your mind, the simpler ones start forming as solid thoughts. what are we? why didn't you turn me away that night? why do you keep looking at me like that?

instead, "can we go to sleep now?" is the only thing you can manage to say. you can see the confusion behind xavier's eyes but you don't retract the question. "sure. are you tired?" he says while standing up. "no, not really." you respond, turning your back to him.

you're jumping his bones as soon as you enter his room. the way your teeth clash against his hurts, but it doesn't deter you or even slow you down.

you know he won't push you away so you persevere. this is what feels right. no guilt or shame in fucking each others brains out. at least not as much as holding hands at the dinner table(or something). once you're on your back you can sense that alter ego of xavier's lingering on his fingertips as he lifts the hem of your shirt up. he immediately attaches his mouth around your sensitive nipple. you quiver in time with the movements of his tongue, making you whimper.

he's kissing down your stomach, head dipping low. you grab his face with both your hands before he goes lower. the two of you look at each other for a moment, breathing heavy and staring with deep intent. "just put it in, please." you manage to spit out, more sweetly than you intended. he obliges, shedding his shirt onto the floor. you inhale sharply at the sight of his pale skin in the light of the moon. he kisses you, hard and messy. it makes you moan and grasp at the ends of his hair. the sound of his zipper gets you excited. the look in his eyes makes you anxious. "you always want it to go as quick as possible." you're looking straight into his eyes but you know his cock is probably so hard and weepy in his palm.

"you never let me savor it." when he spreads your legs apart you know he's got it out for you.

he slides his dick, clad against your clit. the tip sends shivers through you, and you can feel yourself clench harshly. you're biting your lip as you stare in anticipation at the sight in front of you. back and forth and back and forth. your legs are shaking already and he's not even inside yet. it's like he knows exactly how to get you going. every time he glides over your clit it brings you a step closer to an orgasm. you can see precum pooling on his tip as he grinds against you.

you’re embarrassed that you’re already so close. you feel pathetic when you cum as he replaces his dick with his nimble fingers. when they rub at your clit with precision, you feel a gush of arousal coat his fingers. your eyes are closed shut as a throaty moan exits your opened mouth. your head drops back into the bed as you fail to compose yourself. when you try to close your shaky legs, he slides a hand against the back of your thigh, cupping the underside of your knee.

he gently keeps you from shutting him out. "see, i know you like it better this way. why do you always deny it?" he says, matter-of-factly. you're at a loss for words, mind still overblown with leaky pleasure. when you can't muster a response to him he smiles, lovingly. "ok, i'm sorry.” his hand rubs circles over your outer thigh as his free hand palms his cock. “i'm putting it in now."

you can feel the heaviness of his cock resting against you when he says that.

the initial push is slow and brutal. the tip spreads you open so nicely. as he gets deeper and deeper your face contorts in pleasure. when his hips finally bottom out you can see the way his self restraint starts to diminish as you clench around him.

"you act like you want to run away from this, but your body never wants to let go of me."

when you open your eyes slightly you notice that his are laser focused on where your sex meets. he moves at first in shallow thrusts. this way you can really feel it when he hits that one overly sensitive place. he notices it right away from the way your body tenses up. you hate how observant he is because now he's guiding his cock with his hand to really grind into your g-spot.

you swallow thickly at the feeling. when he starts rubbing your clit you curse yourself for letting him unravel you this easily. when he sees how much of a mess you are underneath him xavier dips his head into the crook of your neck.

"i know you're indifferent, but you always let me do whatever i want to you without complaints. i like that about you, among everything else."

he whispers lasciviously into your ear, igniting a spark in deep in your shivering core. you make a poignant face at him when he lifts his head before kissing him. it's sweet and needy. it's exactly the kind of kiss you hate to initiate. it makes you look weak, but you suppose that xavier's not the only one with a secret, contrasting side to them.

he pulls back to cup your face, still thrusting in and out of you with precise vigor. you lean to the side to kiss the palm of his hand, earning a soft groan from xavier's swollen lips. he pulls his hand away, cautiously as if nearing the jaws of a carnal predator.

you follow his movements and your eyes light up when he places two fingers on your tongue. you quickly envelope them with your wanting mouth. bobbing your head and sucking at them as if they were his cock. you watch in delight as his lips curve into a circle as he drinks it all in. "you're not playing fair." he says breathlessly. he quickly yanks his hand back, sticking his own fingers in his mouth. you watch entranced as his cheeks hollow out as he sucks your spit from his fingers. "you're sick." you say, a genuine smile creeping onto your lips.

xavier scowls in obvious embarrassment. he firmly plants his hands under your knees, spreading you wider as he leans in close. "it's your fault." he says lowly. at this new angle you can really feel the fullness of his cock plunging in and out of you. the wet,clicky sound of xavier fucking you fills your ears along with his frequent, airy moans. "does it feel good?" he asks, his voice is shaky and lighter than usual. it makes your face hot and tingly. it makes your head hazy and unnavigable.

your lack of a quick response only annoys xavier. he wants to hear it from you just how worked up he's got you. you gasp sharply when he mounts you fully. the girth of his cock stretches you out and though it burns you find yourself moaning louder. it's music to his ears. each moan includes a frantic babble of his name and a broken sound which he can tell is signaling your release.

the soft sound of skin on skin is somehow egging you on. you can't help but want to be fuller, more cognizant of his dick. to feel him everywhere across your skin in burning hotspots, forming mountains, geysers, earthquakes all like across your trembling body. you think about the food still on the dinner table and your wet footprints on his bathroom floor. there's probably strands of your hair entwined together on the walls of the shower and your fingerprints cover every surface of the apartment. was that the totality you craved? you weren't sure.

the only thing you were really sure about was that xavier was hitting all the right spots at all the right angles and you were falling apart in his hands. the worst part was that he knew it too. the way you felt around him. you didn't need to say anything. not a word. without even really thinking about it xavier finds his fingers on your clit again, coaxing you through it. "-m, i'm cu-" you start to babble, "i know. go ahead. for me." he can barely get out that last part. you're gushing around him keeping your eyes barely open just enough to gaze at him. he can't help but smile at you.

he can't look away from you. he just knows that this is how it's supposed to be. you, in his bed, cumming your brains out all over his cock. that's normal to him. or at least he's working on feeling normal about you.

"fuck, xavier. you feel so good." you whimper as you come down from your orgasm thoughts are pooling in your head. you start to put it together just how good he is. you're intimidated by the fact that he's amazing in every aspect of his life. you're drawn by how magnificent he appears to be compared to the masses. you're watching his expression as he cums. you memorize his eyes, his flushed cheeks, and the ever-changing shape of his mouth as he releases more cum inside you.

you can feel his cock flutter and twitch. you're shocked and enamored at how hard he's cumming. he can't speak or even form a coherent thought. he can only muster out a symphony of pathetic moans before he practically collapses on top of you. his head falls next to yours. the weight of him is soothing you as you keen in on his breaths, matching your own pattern to his.

"can i stay the night?" you whisper breathlessly, the growing smile on your face translating to your words. xavier says nothing, his face still adjacent to the satin sheets. he simply buries his head into your neck, slithering his arms underneath you. he holds you tightly, paralyzing you in his grasp, before he puts the blanket of the two of you.

[rubylace]

PART 4. WHAT WE DON'T SAY

m.list

pairing: musician!jay x reader (f)  

genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate

wordcount: 19k

nb: I took a little bit from jay's enlog

+a/n: [re-up] ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT *sad brutally* luckily I had the notes

You wanted to go backwards, back in time and hug him. Never let him go. Still reeling from his admission, you dug your nails into the back of the couch and said, “I don’t want us to be virtual strangers. You still mean so much to me. The fact that you’re angry at me won’t change that.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want us to try to be friends again. I want us to be able to sit in the same room and talk to each other, maybe have a few laughs. We’re gonna always own this house together in any case. Someday, we’ll be bringing children here. We need to get along.”

“I'm not gonna have children,” he said emphatically.

The fact that Yunjin had confided in you about Jay’s not wanting kids had skipped your mind.

“She told me.”

“She did, did she? What else did you talk about? My d*ck size? You tell her you got a good look at it?”

You chose not to entertain the quip and stayed with the subject at hand. “Why don’t you want children, Jay?”

“You of all people should understand that it’s asinine to bring a child into this world if you’re not 100% sure of your capabilities. My parents are a prime example of people who should have never procreated.”

“You’re not your parents.”

“No, but I’m a fvcked-up product of their mistakes, and I’m not gonna repeat history.”

It made you immensely sad that he felt that way. Thinking back to how protective he always was of you, you knew Jay would make an amazing father. He just couldn’t see that. Knowing that you had promised yoj wouldn’t rehash the past beyond tonight, an urgent need to get more off your chest overtook you.

“I beg to differ. I think that you are so much stronger as a person because you had to grow up a lot quicker than kids who were coddled and handed everything easily. You’ve given to others what your parents neglected to give you. I’ll never forget how you always managed to make me laugh even when it seemed impossible, how you always knew exactly what I needed, how you always protected me. Those are the qualities that would make someone a good parent. And whether you have children or not, you are an amazing human being. Not only that, your musical talent completely blows me away. It makes me so sad to think of everything that I missed because of my stupidity and fear. I know we’ve both changed somewhat, but I still see all the good in you even when you are trying so hard to hide behind a mask.”

Your eyes started to water, and a teardrop fell. “I miss you, Jay.” It felt like everything had just come pouring out of you before you could think about the consequences of being so open about your feelings.

He startled you when he reached over and swiped a teardrop from your cheek with his thumb, prompting you to close your eyes. His touch felt so good. “I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” he said.

Nodding, you said, “Okay.”

He lifted himself off the couch and turned off the television. “Come on. Let’s get some air.”

You followed his lead out the front door and down to the beach. You walked in silence for what seemed like an eternity. The night was still except for the sound of the waves crashing. The ocean breeze was calming, and as strange as it was, the silence between us seemed like a therapeutic exorcism of some kind.

It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted because you’d gotten to say what you wanted to. Even though there wasn’t really a clear conclusion to our conflict, it was more closure than you’d ever had with him.

The sound of Jay’s phone interrupted the quiet of your walk. He picked it up. “Hey.”

“Everything is good?”

“That’s great. It’s really happening. What are you doin?”

“Just taking a walk.”

You found it interesting that he didn’t mention he was with you.

“Okay. I love you.”

“Alright. Bye.” After he hung up, you looked at him. “How’s Yunjin?”

“She’s good. She’s going to get to perform tomorrow night because the lead’s grandfather died.”

“Wow. That’s amazing. Well, not that the grandfather died.”

“Yeah. I got that.”

Not another word was spoken until you started to approach the house. Jay pointed to something in the distance. “Do you see that?”

“Where?”

The next thing you knew you felt weightless. Jay had lifted you off your feet and was running toward the shore. Judging from his laughter, there was nothing to point out he’d just been trying to distract you long enough to snatch you up.

He dumped your fully clothed body into the ocean. Salty water ran down your throat and up your nose. Jay immediately ran back to the sand, leaving you to wade through the water after him. He’d planted himself on the sand and was still laughing. He’d taken off his shirt which had gotten wet, and his pants were soaked.

“Do you feel better now?” you huffed.

“A little.” He chuckled. “Actually a lot.”

“Well, good. I’m glad for you,” you said, wringing out your dress.

He stood up. “Let me.” Jay surprised you when he stood behind you and twisted your long hair to help get the water out.

His hands lingered for a few seconds, causing your ribs to tingle. You turned around to distract from it and was met by his brown eyes staring into yours. They were glowing in the reflection of the light coming from your house. He looked heartbreakingly handsome.

Fumbling your words a bit, you said, “Um.. thank you. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be thanking you, because you caused it.”

“It was a long time coming. I’d wanted to throw you in the water since the first day I got here.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Really.” He smiled mischievously.

“By the way, why are you still here?”

He squinted. “What do you mean?”

“You could have easily gone back to NY with her. You know that.”

“Are you implying something?”

“I’m not implying anything. I just know that you’ve been using the Yeonjun’s gig as the reason, and I find that hard to believe.”

“What do you want to hear, Y/n? That I’m here because of you?”

“No, I don’t know. I..”

“I don’t know why I’m here. Alright? That’s the truth. It just didn’t feel like it was time to leave.”

“Fair enough.”

“Are you done interrogating me for one night, pain in my ass?”

“Yes.” you smiled. “‘Payne in my ass’” was another name he used to call you. It was a play o the last name, Payne.

“Good.”

“For the record, I’m really glad you stayed.”

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes then said, “Trying to hate you is so exhausting.”

“So, stop trying.”

Your teeth started to chatter, it was getting chilly out.

“We’d better go inside,” he said.

Following him to the house, you couldn’t help thinking that the cold air outside had nothing on the warm feeling inside of me from having reconnected with him tonight.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Starving, actually.”

“Go change. I’ll make dinner.”

“Really?”

“Well, we gotta eat, don’t we?”

“Yeah. I guess we do. I’ll be back.” You smiled all the way to your room, giddy from the idea of him cooking for you.

When you returned with a dry outfit, your heart fluttered at the sight of Jay standing at the stove. He was still shirtless and wearing his gray beanie while frying some vegetables in a pan.

You cleared your throat. “Smells good. What are you making?”

“Just a teriyaki stir fry with rice seeing as though you have a limited palate. When the hell did you stop eating red meat anyway? You used to be a carnivore.”

He must have remembered how much we enjoyed Burger Barn together in the old days.

“One day, I just woke up and thought about how bizarre it was to be eating a cow. It made no sense. And I just stopped cold turkey.”

“Seriously? That’s kind of ridiculous.”

“Yes.”

“You’ve always been a little bizarre, Y/n. I can’t say that surprises me.”

You winked. “That’s why you love me.” You’d meant it to come out facetiously but immediately regretted using the word love given his prior admission.

When he didn’t respond, you panicked and diarrheal of the mouth developed. “I didn’t mean that you still love me. I was just joking.”

He held out his palm. “Stop while you’re ahead. I knew what you meant.”

You pursed your lips, trying to think of a quick change of subject. “Do you think you’ll go back to playing at Yeonjun’s tomorrow night?”

“Probably.”

“Good. I’m really looking forward to hearing you perform again.”

He grabbed two plates and emptied the contents of the pan onto each of them and slid mine across the counter. “Here.”

“Thank you. This smells delicious.”

The dish he’d made was actually very tasty. He’d added sesame seeds and water chestnuts. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“Self-taught. I’ve been cooking for myself for years.”

“Where are your parents now?”

“I thought we were done talking about this stuff.”

“Sorry. You’re right.”

Despite his having said that, he looked up from his plate and answered your question anyway. “My mother moved back to Cincinnati when I was in college. They sold the house. My father lives in.. I don't know, he likes to work abroad.”

“How long after I left did things continue between my mother and him?”

“About a year. My mother found out about what they were doing under our roof and kicked him out. He lived with Helen for a while before things went sour between them.”

“He moved in with her?”

“Yeah.”

You couldn’t believe it.

“My mother kept that from me then. That explains why Ameryn stopped speaking to her around that time. She was mortified by their actions.”

“I spent a lot of time over there with your grandmother before I moved away. She was the only person who kept me sane.”

“Did you ever talk about me to her?”

“She tried to get me to, but I wouldn’t.”

“Do you think she left us both this house because she knew it would force us to face each other?”

“I honestly don’t know, Y/n.”

“I think she did.”

“I had no intention of coming here and trying to make amends with you.”

“No, really? I didn’t catch on.” When he cracked a slight smile, you asked, “Do you still feel the same?”

“Things don’t change overnight. We talked. That’s not gonna erase years of shit that happened. We’re not going to just be able to magically be best friends again.”

“I never expected that.”

Playing with the remnants of your food, you thought long and hard before speaking again. “I’m just gonna say one last thing. And then I promise I won’t harp on it anymore.”

“I wouldn’t put money on that.” When his mouth curved into another smile, it was enough to give me the confidence to spill your guts one last time.

“I'll probably spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t run away, if I’d just put my fear aside and told you everything I was feeling. You told me tonight that you were in love with me back then. I truly didn’t know that, Jay, but I wish I had. I really had no clue you felt that way. I need you to know that I loved you, too. I just had a really shitty way of showing it. And to think that you spent all of these years hating me. I just want you to be happy. If being around me makes you angry or stressed, then I don’t want to force anything, and if that’s the case, maybe it is best that we keep our distance. But if there’s a chance that we can truly be friends again, I would want nothing more. And I’m not stupid. Of course, I know it won’t happen overnight. That’s it. I won’t say anything else about it.”

You got up from the table and put your plate in the dishwasher. “Thank you for dinner and for talking to me. I’m gonna turn in early.”

Just as your foot hit the first step to go upstairs, his voice stopped me. “I never hated you. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. Believe me, I have tried.”

Turning around and smiling, I said, “Good to know.”

“Good night, Payne in my ass.”

“Good night, Jay.”

You was having my morning coffee when a text notification lit up you phone. It was from Dr. Dino. ‘How about dinner tomorrow night?’

You pondered your reply. It would probably do you some good to take advantage of a distraction from Jay. Since your talk the other night, things had been more cordial between both. At least he was no longer avoiding you. After he performed last night, you actually drove home from Yeonjun’s together. It was a quiet ride, but it was a step in the right direction. So, things were as good as they could have been.

The problem was you. You still couldn’t curb your attraction to him and didn’t know where to draw the line on your emotions. You thought about him every second of the day. You’d be going your separate ways soon, not to mention the not insignificant detail of his committed relationship with Yunjin.

You would never do anything intentionally to jeopardize that. But you still couldn’t control your feelings. Your fingers forced out a response to Dino. ‘Tomorrow night sounds great. Just let me know what time.’

Jay’s deep morning voice startled me. “I see you made coffee fusion.”

You jumped, quickly putting down the phone.

He snickered. “Oh. Did I interrupt something? You texting a boy?”

“No.”

He glared at you suspiciously. “Liar.”

A nervous laugh escaped you. “Want some coffee?”

“Trying to change the subject?”

“Maybe.”

“So, who was it?”

���Dino.”

“Dr. Dino?”

“Yes.”

“Ever heard of stranger dinosaur?”

“Yes.”

“They created that term about him.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure. Yeah.” He poured himself a mug of coffee and turned to me again. “Seriously? Dr. Cheesehall? You’re gonna go out with him?”

Nodding, you said, “Tomorrow night. What’s your problem with him anyway?”

“He’s disrespectful.”

“In what way?”

“That guy was eyeing you before he even confirmed we weren’t together.”

“Maybe he’s just perceptive.”

“How?”

“He sensed your disdain toward me. It was quite obvious.”

“Where’s he taking you?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“You should find out.”

“What does it matter?”

“In case you go missing, I’ll know where to tell the police to start looking.”

Evening rolled around, and you had absolutely no clue what to wear. Dino said he was taking you to this restaurant on the water in nearby Tiverton. It was going to be a humid night, so you opted for a lightweight floral tube dress that you’d bought one afternoon while out shopping with Yunjin earlier this summer.

You could hear Jay panting from down the hall. Didn’t dare go over there to assess the situation after what happened the last time, you found myself witness to that jerk-off jamboree. After several minutes, what sounded like punching was added into the mix.

You broke your vow to stay out of it and marched out of your room to check things out. It turned out that Jay was in the exercise room beating the shit out of an Everlast punching bag.

Beads of sweat were dripping down his sculpted back. The room smelled of sweat mixed with his cologne. His hair was drenched. He had headpone in, and you could hear the music blasting through them. Gritting his teeth, he hit the black rubber contraption harder and harder. Your heart beat faster with every punch.

When you inched cautiously closer, he growled, “Get out of the way.”

you flinched as his arm swung dangerously close to you.

You backed up but stayed watching him from the corner of the room. you’d seen him working out before but never like this. He was like a beast, so strong and virile. It occurred to you that with Jade gone so long, he must have been sexually frustrated.

Maybe that was why he was taking it out on the punching bag. Whatever the reason, you was transfixed by the energy he was expending and found yourself unable to take your eyes off him.

He suddenly stopped, lowering the headphones on his neck, and moved over to the doorway where he’d set up a metal bar for pull ups. Your eyes followed.

He jumped down from the bar and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Nothing better to do than to watch me work out? Aren’t you supposed to be getting dressed for a date?”

“I'm dressed.”

“That’s Yunjin’s dress, isn’t it?”

“No. It’s the same one she has, but this one is mine. We both bought these from the same shop on clearance the same day.”

“It looks normal on her. On you…it looks ridiculous.”

Your stomach sank. “Are you saying I’m fat?”

“No, but your body is different than hers. That dress looks obscene on you.”

Looking down at yourself, you suddenly felt naked. “What are you talking about?”

“You want me to spell it out?”

“Yes.”

He came up behind you, grabbing your shoulders and positioning you in front of the full-length mirror on the wall. Shivers ran down your spine from the feel of his rough hands on you.

“Look. Your tits are busting out of it. Your nipples are poking out of the middle of those daisy flowers.”

Your mind was in a fog because all you could see was you in the mirror with Jay’s hot, sweaty body behind you. Then, he flipped you around fast and his stare was burning into yours.

He was too close for comfort, and your legs felt like they were going to collapse under you from the surge of sexual awareness. “Look at your ass in the mirror. The material can barely wrap around it. You think Dr. Diilittle is going to be able to look you in the eyes when you’re dressed like that?”

“You really think this looks that bad?”

He suddenly walked away from you and returned to the pull-up bar. Your nipples were tingling. You just wanted his hands on you again. “I think it makes you look like a whore,” he said before doing a few more reps in silence.

He hopped down, the weight of his body causing a large thump against the wood floor. “You really are that oblivious, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You never did have any clue what kind of effect you have on people.”

“Be specific, please.”

“When we were younger, you would sit on my lap, put your hands on me, run your fingers through my hair, hug me all of the time with your massive tits pressed against me. I spent half of my teenage years walking around with a hard on that I couldn’t do anything about. The entire time you apparently had no clue.”

“I didn’t.”

“I know that now. And you have no idea how many times I had to defend you behind your back. Guys talking about your body, saying sexual things about you right in front of my face. Do you have any clue how many fights I got into because of you?”

“You never told me.”

“No. I didn’t. Because I was trying to protect your feelings. I tried so hard to fucking protect you from shit, and that was the one thing that bit me in the ass in the end.”

“I’m sorry.”

He held his hands up. “You know what? Never mind. My bad. Let’s not do this again. I told you we were done talking. And we are.”

“Okay.”

“I’d like to continue my work out in peace if you don’t mind.”

“Alright.”

Back in your room, you could hear that he’d returned to the punching bag in full force. Still reeling from his words, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Maybe you was really just a clueless person.

But he never exactly expressed his feelings to you back then, either. “Was I supposed to be a mind reader?” you felt like you needed to make that point. It was bugging you. You returned down the hall and spoke through his violent hooks to the bag.

“The other night you asked me why I never told you how I felt. Well, clearly you didn’t have the balls to tell me how you felt, either.”

Jay stopped punching but kept his arms on the bag, leaning against it. He took a few seconds to catch his breath. “I thought it was understood. How much more obvious could I have been? All the f*cking songs I wrote you? Did you ever even see me with any other girls?”

“No. But you did admit to kissing someone before that night at Sunghoon’s.”

“I did kiss one girl before that night. Wanna know why? Because I didn’t want to be clueless as to what the f*ck I was doing when I finally got the courage to kiss you. I never considered it a real kiss. I wanted my first real one to be with you. I wanted everything with you. But I was afraid you were too young, so I was waiting. I didn’t want to rush things and ruin it. But you’re right. A part of me also didn’t have the balls to tell you how I felt.”

“I wish you had. You were being careful, and I was just clueless. Together, we were…careless.”

“Careful plus clueless equals careless? Did you just make that up right now?”

“Yes.”

“That’s pretty cheesy.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“You’d better get ready for your date with Trapper Dinosaur.”

You laughed, relieved that he was smiling about things now. “Will you help me?”

“Help you? What the f*ck do you need help with?”

“Help me pick out what to wear. Because I think you’re right. This is a little skimpy.”

“A little skimpy? Hustler would be calling you tomorrow if I sent them a picture.”

“Alright. A lot skimpy.”

“You can’t figure this shit out on your own? It’s pretty simple. You cover your tits and ass. Done.”

“Yeah. But I still want to look good. You know I have a tendency to pick weird stuff. Potato sack couture and all. I feel like I go from one extreme to the other, and I don’t know how to dress in between.”

“Fine.” Jay let out an exhausted breath and followed you to your room.

You started to take dresses out of your closet, throwing them on the bed one by one. “How about this?”

“Slutty.”

“This one?”

“Sluttier.”

“Okay. This?”

“You got Birkenstocks to go with it?”

“Alright? This one?”

“Well, that would be one way to get rid of him.”

You covered your face. “Aargh! This is so frustrating.”

“I know a solution.”

“What?”

“Don’t go on the date.”

“Because I can’t figure out what to wear?!”

“Yeah. I think you should stay home.”

“You just don’t like him.”

“You’re damn right.”

“Again, why?”

“He just wants in your pants, Y/n.”

“Well, he’s not getting in my pants.”

“You sure about that?”

“I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.”

He lifted his brow skeptically. “You’ve never slept with a guy on the first date?”

“Well…”

“Exactly.”

“Even if I wanted to sleep with him which I don’t, it wouldn’t be tonight.”

“Why is that?”

“I stabbed myself again.”

He shook his head and chuckled when he figured out you was referring to your period. “I see.”

“Why do you think that he’s only interested in me for my body anyway?”

“It was his eyes. I don’t trust them. You can tell a lot about someone by the look in their eyes. His gave me a bad vibe.”

“Well, I have more going for me than my tits and ass. So, hopefully you’re wrong.”

“You’re right. You have nice deep-set dimples when you smile, too.”

My body felt flush from the compliment that had come out of the blue. I didn’t know how to respond, so I simply said, “Shut up.”

“Just be careful,” he said seriously, reaching into his back pocket. “Speaking of which.. take this with you.” It was his old red Swiss Army knife from when you were younger.

“You still have this?”

“I’ll never stop needing this.”

“You really want me to take this with me?”

“Yes.”

Taking it from him, you said, “Okay.”

“Are we done here?”

“We still haven’t picked out what I’m wearing.”

Jay walked over to your closet nd ran his hand slowly along the lineup of outfits, eventually stopping at a simple black sleeveless dress that was far from revealing. It looked more like something you could wear to a funeral. Actually, it was the dress you had bought to wear to Ameryn’s funeral before you realized she had explicitly written that she didn’t want one. She wanted to just be cremated with her ashes thrown in the ocean without any fanfare.

“This one? Really?”

He held the dress in his hand. “Don’t ask for my help if you’re not gonna listen.”

“Okay. This one it is.” I took it from him and watched as he made his way out the door. Your eyes focused on the rectangular tattoo on his back.

Even though you always thought it was sexy as hell, you was never able to get a good enough look at it for some reason until now. “Jay.”

He turned around. “Yeah.”

“What is that tattoo on your back?”

His body stiffened. “It’s a bar code.”

“That’s what I thought. I always wondered. Does it mean anything?”

Refusing to answer my question, he simply said, “Get dressed. You don’t want to be late for Dr. D!ck.”

“Dino!”

“Yeah. Whatever you say, Payne.”

taglist: @rikizm @sumzysworld @xyzcxx @morganaawriterr @maccaab @jungwonie

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[l0stfoster]

PLEASE what do you think the gang’s reactions would be when they find out that Paul and Bob were like Darry and Sodapop

I need the ANGST

OK OK, SO We talked about this., kinda. Only 3 people were discussed and the rest haven't been sorted out, so for now you can have those, and I'll either reblog or edit this in the future to add the rest. As usual for big blocks of text, all below the cut!

JOHNNY:

- First one to find out funnily enough; obviously on accident. - On Dia de Muertos Johnny gets something like the Coco treatment, but it’s more or less just he can see all the spirits instead of full skeletons. He doesn't interact with them so they don't know that he - He finds out purely because Bob's ghost does not leave Paul's side once during the entire day. Lingers with him the entire time - Johnny maybe expected Bob to be around Cherry, but Paul?? Not the expected outcome. It's what gives him the hint and as he looks back on a few things the dots connect. - Johnny apologizes about Bob's death after that (more for the fact that yk it wrecked people as it did, he won't apologize for doing it when he though they were killing his best friend though.) - Paul realizes he figured it out fast L - Paul's tryna avoid letting on that the apology does kinda heal a part of him and Johnny just being like “you don’t need anyone’s permission to mourn him yk” - Johnny's very emotionally mature in this au, if you can't tell - Paul elects to ignore him either way - Paul, holding back tears after Soda’s smile looks a little too familiar: We weren’t even that close - Hit Johnny with a "He wasn't my brother at all" and gets a simple response of "I never said he was" - Self-callout right there, Johnny doesn't bring it up much after that- mostly because it's the kind of thing he can't exactly bring up publically. - He has sort of mixed feelings; obviously, it's weird to find out this guy who's kinda your friend now cares so much about someone who hurt you, but at the same time, he's able to understand that his own feelings about Bob don't change the ones that Paul once held for him.

DARRY:

- Finds out second, and once again on accident. - Paul has an accident with his magic; spell requires a LOT of it but his back sigil is having a flareup of sorts, and it's making him short out a lot. He tries to force his magic through it and, long story short, the scar rips open as if it were freshly carved. - Darry gets to hear that scream from inside the house L. He's the one who patches Paul up bc bro will NOT fuckin' calm down enough for literally anyone else besides Darry to get close. - The only difference between healing as a kid and healing now is that Paul doesn't have a six-year-old Bob whining about piggyback rides. - Paul's so delirious and fucked up on whatever painkillers he's on that this fact breaks the dam. Darry finds him sobbing and the only answer Paul gives him is a weak "I miss Bob" - Darry asks him about their relationship after that; Paul is unfortunately not conscious enough to avoid the questioning, so he yaps. - Paul has a heart attack when he realizes Darry knows btw LMAO. Wdym he told his boyfriend that the guy who tried to kill his kid brother was one of the most important people to him?? Where is the breakup he knows it's coming - (Spoiler alert it never happens) - As I said in the post about Bob and Paul, Darry understands. He knows and he gets it. Sure, there's a part of him that wants to be a little more conflicted; but with their history, Darry probably met Bob on a couple of occasions and he knew how the guy could be when he isn't drunk and angry at the world.

PONY:

- Pony finds out on accident but very similarly to Darry; and by that I mean he overheard one of the conversations Darry had with a very delerious Paul. - Dude is NOT fuckin happy. And because Pony is also a dramatic little shit, he would just stop all attempts at bonding with Paul - The second Paul even knows that Pony heard and he’s like yeah. There goes that. There’s a reason he was doing so much to try and hide it. - Darry's there like "Can you try? For my sake at the very least?" Pony is stubborn as all hell and just goes "No." - Paul doesn’t even try to push things; which probably makes Pony even more petty bc teen logic. I found out something you purposefully tried to hide because it would ruin things and you’re not trying to fix things even though I’m making it clear I don’t like you?? The audacity - Pony doesn't use his head, like at all. (I fear I'm not a Ponyboy fan and that may be a little obvious) - Johnny and Soda are even like "Pone, that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day" when he explains it to them. - Darry and Johnny try to get them to talk by locking them in a room but Paul brute forces that open with his magic (yeouch to the back bc he's still healing) because god forbid he have to try to figure out what Pony wants from him. - Even Pony doesn't know what he wants, he's just a petty teen. - Pony doesn’t know what he wants and Paul thinks he wants him to apologize, but Paul is NOT going to apologize for missing the version of his little brother that he knew; Let alone the fact that he’s actively been trying to keep this hidden because he knew it wouldn’t work out well. - Pony snaps at him one day and yells about how he can't understand how Paul could love a person who tried to kill him and Johnny, especially after becoming close with them and the gang; Paul's defense is an equally loud response about how Pony has no clue who Bob is beyond what he and Johnny perceived him as, and that if Pony can like Dally despite Dally being also not really a good person the least he can do is silently miss his brother. - It leads to a long argument that progressively gets less loud, eventually, they're sitting next to each other and quietly talking. - Paul may be crying but they will not acknowledge that - They do not tell others that Paul was crying or that they re-bonded, The gang only knows when Pony rolls up to lunch like “The west side is playing Paul Newman :hehe: “ and Paul just sighs and goes “Let me finish my food.”

After all this Paul ends up being even more quiet about Bob bc god forbid this happens again he’d rather die, Two of the Curtis’ + Johnny knowing is enough for him. Stops wearing Bob’s ring and avoids anything that reminds him about it However, he does maybe talk to Darry about it a little bit every so often. Mostly when he's drunk.

Darry: "This is your sixth beer in an hour, what’s got you so upset?" Paul, muffled: "Bob would’ve been 20 today" Darry: :bro: “Oh-“

Glad that the other writers amuse my habits

[frickingnerd]

a second chance for love

pairing: hidetoshi odagiri x gn!reader

summary: hidetoshi realized his feelings for you too late and you began dating someone else. but now he seems to be getting a second chance and he won't waste it!

tags: unrequited feelings (that turn out to be requited), awkward hidetoshi, reader dates someone else + break up, comfort, kissing, confessions, hidetoshi is bad at feelings, jealous hidetoshi

hidetoshi hadn't realized he was falling in love with you, until it was already too late.

the two of you worked closely together on the student council and hidetoshi always had a lot of respect for you. you seemed to get him, when nobody else did. he believed you to be the most valuable member of the team. but you were so much more to him than that.

“there's some guy waiting outside the student council room for you. do you want me to send him away for you?”

hidetoshi hadn't even considered that there were other people close to you. that you had friends in your class that he had never met. that you might even have a boyfriend. you never struck him as the type for such relationships. hidetoshi always assumed that you were like him. that you had no desire in dating, just like him. but he was so wrong. about so many things.

“some guy?” your eyes had lit up when you spotted him through the window. “oh, he's too early! wait a moment, i'll be right back–!”

you had jumped up and hurried outside, right into the arms of that guy. the two of you were so close, practically no personal space between each other. and when hidetoshi saw the guy holding your hand he felt… something.

for the longest time, he had no idea what he felt. his throat felt dry when he looked at the two of you. his heart felt heavy. it wasn't beating faster than usual, yet it felt different. and there was this mixture of conflicting emotions, that hidetoshi simply couldn't understand.

by the time hidetoshi understood that what he was feeling was jealousy, it was already too late. by that time, you and that guy, who continued to pick you up after every student council meeting, were dating. and it seemed pretty serious.

and hidetoshi hated it. he hated that he had fallen in love with you and realized it when it was already too late. he wondered how things could've been, if only he had figured it out sooner. if only he got a second chance with you. and then that chance came, after months of waiting…

“isn't your boyfriend picking you up again today? what was his name again…?”

hidetoshi tried to seem uninterested, noting down some things, as the other members of the student council began to pack their things and leave, after another successful meeting. only you sat there, not moving an inch. as if you weren't ready to leave just yet.

“you mean…?”

your voice was quiet and you quickly stopped yourself from talking, before you could even say his name. an awkward chuckle left your lips and you softly shook your head.

“no, he– i don't think he'll come pick me up again”

“oh–?”

hidetoshi had put his pen aside and dropped his uninterested act in a matter of seconds.

“we– well, we broke up a couple days ago…”

those words couldn't make hidetoshi any happier. he struggled to hide a smug smile, relieved that that guy was history now! but when noticed that you were clearly struggling with this situation, he cleared his throat and tried to comfort you.

“listen…”

hidetoshi got up from his seat, walking towards you, as he spoke.

“i can only imagine what this must be like. to love someone and not being able to be with them, even though your heart is aching for it…”

hidetoshi knew exactly what he was talking about. there was nobody that knew more about this than him. he had been longing to be with you for months.

as he stepped closer, you rose from your seat as well. hidetoshi stopped in front of you and the two of you stared at each other, as he continued to speak.

“but i know that it'll get better with time. eventually, your feelings will fade. and it'll stop hurting…”

hidetoshi was a liar. his feelings never faded. it never stopped hurting. and it seemed like neither did your hurting stop.

“does it truly stop hurting? it feels like things only ever get worse with time. the longer we're apart, the worse it gets…”

“didn't you say you only broke up a few days ago? i'm sure that with time–”

“i– i'm talking about someone else right now…”

the two of you went silent. for a moment, a thought crossed hidetoshi's mind. but he didn't dare say it out loud.

“that… someone else…”

as he tried to speak, he found himself at a loss for words. that certainly was a first. he could win any debate with ease, but when it came to you, he never knew what to say. you were unlike anyone he ever met.

“there was someone, that i thought i could forget. i thought, if i got into a relationship, i could forget about them. but you were wrong. my feelings never faded…”

hidetoshi remained silent for a moment, getting lost in your eyes. there was so much emotion in just your eyes alone. you looked at him with such intensity, that he couldn't help himself. suddenly, his hands had cupped your cheeks and his lips were pressed against yours.

the kiss only lasted a second, before hidetoshi pulled away. mortified of what he had done. you were opening up to him and he had taken advantage of your vulnerability.

“i– i don't know what came over me–! that was highly unprofessional and as a member of the student council, i shouldn't hav– mmppf–!”

before hidetoshi could register what had happened, you had grabbed him by the tie and pulled him back into the kiss. this time, it lasted longer than just a second. way longer. after what felt like an eternity, hidetoshi pulled away from you again. he was panting, his tie hanging loosely around his neck and his cheeks were red.

“i– i don't think… i quite understand…”

hidetoshi was a smart guy. but after that kiss, he couldn't think straight anymore. all he could think about were your soft lips. why you'd kiss him was something he couldn't fathom.

“that someone i tried to forget… i was talking about you, hidetoshi”

“o-oh…”

your words didn't quite sink in, until a few seconds later. despite just having kissed twice, hidetoshi somehow struggled to believe you were genuinely interested in him.

“oooh–! that means–”

but when it finally sunk in, his cheeks slowly turned red and an uncharacteristically giddy smile spread over his lips.

“i-i see… well, in that case…”

he took a deep breath, straightening his tie and trying to present himself from his best side. after all, he was about to say something very important.

“if you'd allow me… i'd love to take you on a date! the truth is… i've liked you too. no, i like you! and while i couldn't tell you the first time around, i do not wish to waste my second chance with you…”

[differentcoloredcontacts]

Class 1-b reacting to you, their best friend (and/or lover), being the UA traitor.

Awase -

Completely shattered, that nomu that almost killed him and Yaoyorozu in the forest was caused by you feeding the Lov information. He starts questioning every moment you two have ever had together. He honestly gets pissed at himself and you and everyone around him because he doesn't know how to handle it.

Sen -

He loved taking pictures of the two of you. You two had an entire photo album dedicated to all the little moments, every time you beat him in your favorite card game or that little drawing eri did of you two being held up by you. All of those memories captured with the same camera you got him for his birthday are now being turned to ash in a fireplace. He cant help but be still while something once so important suddenly means nothing to him.

Kamakiri -

He was the loudest when he realized. He couldn't stop him self from screaming at you for what youve done. He hates you. Youve almost killed him and his classmates ten times over but that wont stop him from wanting you to stay. Deep down he wanted it all to be a cruel prank you were pulling. But it never was.

Kuroiro -

He tried to keep it together. He really did. But at the end of the day he was barely able to make it to his dorm room in time before he broke down completely. His nonchalant front, completely shattered. He sobbed to the point he was choking on his tears. You were one of the only people who he really cared for, so why did you betray him like this?

Kendo -

She tries to save you. She tries to understand why you did this. Were they forcing you? Are they keeping someone close to you hostage? Are you being manipulated or controlled? The more she tries to understand, the more questions she askes the harder it becomes to understand her as she starts to breakdown at your feet.

Kodai -

She didnt say anything but she truly wanted too. She wanted to yell, scream and cry. She wanted to hit you for what you put the class through but she wanted to hug you as you were dragged away in cuffs. She was so conflicted about what she wanted to do. Her brain and heart were arguing over you but in the end she just ended up doing nothing, which ended up hurting a lot more than it should have.

Komori -

She seems more confused and in denial than anything else at first. She starts to distance herself from people and holes herself up in her room while she tries to understand what happened. Was everything you two did together meaningless? She could never forgive you for what you did, she hated you but at the same time she wanted you to walk through her dorm room door ranting about your new favorite thing like you always did.

Shiozaki -

Shes not mad or even that sad about your betrayal. Just disappointed. She would try to understand and she truly wants to forgive you, but she cant bring herself to do that. She would distance herself from everyone and it would take a while before shes ready to move forward again.

Shishida -

He tried to keep it together but it was really hard for him to do that since he was feeling hundreds of emotions in seconds. His breathing became uneven as he tried to assess the situation from a logical perspective and his voice breaks as he simply asks you "why?"

Shoda -

He really values trust so when you betrayed all of UA he was never the same. He tried to recover but he keeps everyone at arms length. When you first left, he was on the more 'ok' side of things. But after a few weeks and what happened had time to sink in is when it hits the hardest.

Pony -

She cant stop herself from screaming at you while tears run down her face. She switched to english because its easier for her so no one knew exactly what she was saying to you. Even if you could speak english you wouldent understand what she was saying between the sniffles and gasps of air.

Tsubaraba -

Hes in denial for so long when it originally happened. When you were officially revealed as the traitor he thought it was a joke. He started to calmly talk to you with simple phrases like "jokes like that arnt that funny yk." But over the next minute it would turn in to him begging for it to be a joke while completely breaking down in front of you.

Tetsutetsu -

He does everything he can to get answers out of you. Some other classmates of his have to hold him back from running over to you and punching you square in the stomach. He ends up staying in the UA gym for a few hours after curfew, beating a punching bag in anger and confusion until eventually he wears himself out and collapsed from exhaustion.

Tokage -

She wants to know why you did it. If there was a reason she could find it in herself to forgive you but if not, it would become better for her to act like you never exist. For a long time after that she would leave when your name was mentioned or anything that reminded her of you would suddenly be destroyed or hated by her as much as she hates you. Deep down however, she still wants to be you friend

Manga -

He blames himself more than he blames you. Hes supposed to be a hero so why couldn't he save the one person he cared about the most. Youre gone forever now and he blames ever but of it on himself. He cries a lot for the next couple weeks and sometimes he can feel himself wanting to send you a funny meme he found only to remember and go through all the heartbreak all over again.

Honenuki -

Another that blames it all on himself but at the same time he is really depressed about it. He heals for the most part but part of him still gets a little wave of sadness whenever he walks past your favorite cafe or when someone does that very specific hand movement that you used to do all the time. Every part of the situation breaks his being completely, and he even becomes slightly more hostile towards the people he spars with.

Bondo -

He stays silent for the most part. His silence being a mixture of disbelief and hurt. He even tries to help the rest of the class through it. He becomes the class therapist while he ends up insisting hes fine and dealing with it alone in his dorm room. He cant bring himself to destroy the memories of you so he simply puts them in a box and hides them under his bed.

Monoma -

Incredibly angry about it at first but the more time that passes the more it hurts him. The more he starts to blame himself. If he had an inferiority complex before it definitely worsened now that you betrayed him. You helped him through so much yet he cant help but feel it was all nothing to you.

Reiko -

she handles it better when in front of the class, or at least she tries too. She broke down once you were revealed, she broke down when you left and she breaks down every time shes behind closed doors. She cant handle seeing anyone right now.

Rin -

He keeps calm at first and tries to rationalize. "Were you forced to against your will? Were you being controlled? Brainwashed?" With every 'no' to his questions he became more and more desperate to prove you werent evil. He started to lose his cool and break down in front of you while still begging for any sign that your not evil. At the end of the day he finds himself grabbing onto a random stuffed animal you left in his dorm and using it to muffle his tear filled screams.

Bro imma be honest half of these characters I had no idea what to write. So half of them are probably bad but im not gonna proof read or change this because we die like men.

[cearthduo]

c!Dnf for dummies: Rambling about cDnf because none of you understand them like I do. Part 1: The basics + Dream's Pov

Read this if you hate dnf or if you like dnf because either way you're probably wrong about them. This is especially for people who dislike cDnf but never shut up about cDream or people mentioning cDnf/cDteam's in fics because you NEED IT!!!

Ughhhhh ok. I have tried to write about Dnf in depth so many times but its impossible because you need sooo much context to even begin to understand their dynamic. Dream and George are two of the most complex characters and are near impossible for most to understand because neither of their ccs know how to press the start stream button.

But that doesn't matter because here at cDnf university I am dedicated to the grind so I can talk about these bitches all day. Ok first order of business, FUCK cDrunz, FUCK cRivals, FUCK cAwesamdream and most importantly FUCK cDiscduo ok? Ok. If you're reading this and you don't already like cDnf then chances are you like one or more of those dynamics. GET THEM OUT OF YOUR HEAD. Ok?? OK!!

People are def only reading this because Dream mention. We love cDream yayy. Exactly. Yayyy. But to understand cDnf you need to consider and understand Dream as a stand alone character outside of any other dynamic. Ok? Ok!!! Now we can start.

What is c!Dnf?

Dnf is, of course, the relationship between Dream and George. Their relationship is undeniably romantic despite this never explicitly being stated. They engage in both romantic and "sexual" activities throughout the many vods and are seen as a couple by multiple of the other characters.

To make their relationship easier for people who don't know much about George to understand, imagine shipping Dream with himself. George, like Dream, is a character who prioritise power and control above all else. They both believe that the only way to achieve peace is by forcing everyone to return to the original ways of the server. Both characters struggle to understand the needs and wants of others when it doesn't benefit them. And they both use manipulation in order to achieve their goals.

Dream and George are both extremely intelligent characters who are able to work together without planning anything. Because they usually think so similarly, they tend to disregard each others feelings or thoughts when they contradict. They believe they have full control over each other, even though they don't. This is most obvious during the dethronement conflict.

Dnf's care for each other is undeniable. While Dream hides his feelings from the server pretty well following dethronement, George doesn't. Post-prison Dnf is the hardest era of their relationship to understand due to the lack of interactions between the characters. That being said, this doesn't mean they ever lose care for one another. The finale confirms this.

People often over-simplify the relationship between these characters in fics, art, and even analysis. Typically George will be seen as just another one of Dreams victims. And while George is a victim of Dream's behavior, she is far from being an innocent one. In fact, due to how she views Dream, it's clear that she doesn't see herself as a victim of him at all. Other times, Dream will be the sole victim. This is rarer, but not uncommon. Many people potray George as someone who dislikes Dream for his actions or his beliefs. As I stated before, their beliefs are shared between them so it’s once again an incorrect potrayal of their dynamic.

To truly portray Dnf correctly, pitting them against each other or denying their affection for each other is never an option. Despite their relationship being toxic it is never loveless. If you ever write them in a way that permanently severs their friendship then you'll never be able to write them accurately. That being said, there is a way to have conflicts between the characters since they do clash a few times.

The foundation of c!Dnf.

In the early days of the smp, George and Dream lived peacefully. Although there were conflicts between the original members, they were almost never between the two of them. The only time Dream and George were truly at odds was during George's "Tyranny" era. During this short era, George made very op armor and weapons and used them to "terrorize" the other members. No one could fight back against her because she was stronger than everyone else. So Dream killed her and confiscated her things. Eventually she got them back and there was no issues between the two of them.

This event is, in my opinion, one of the key moments of Dnf's dynamics. It's the first event where Dream is willing to go against George. And it's in a situation where she has power over him. This is very important to note because it is a pattern in their relationship.

Two more early smp events that I believe really set up Dnf's dynamic are Tommy's first exile and the burning of Ponk's lemon tree.

Tommy's first exile happens shortly after he joins the server. Tommy kills George and steals her things before being killed by Dream. After this, they both become aggressive. They take him to the courthouse for a trial. When he escapes, he kills George a few more times before once again being killed by Dream. Afterwards Dream chooses to exile and then ban him from the server.

Throughout this conflict, both characters move as a unit. They aren't talking in a vc (confirmed by Dream) so their only communication is through mc chat. Something a lot of people miss, are the parallels between this exile and Tommy's second exile. In both situations, there's an issue between Tommy and George and Dream steps in. Once Dream steps in, he seems to take control of the situation but George is still in the background pulling strings. In this situation, George is actually the first one threaten Tommy with a ban. Dream simply repeats the threat and follows through with it.

This is also an example of Dream overreacting whenever George is attacked. This is one of the bigger examples, but Dream is known to become aggressive and attack on George's behalf. It's one of the reasons characters hesitate before attacking George later. It's also why no one comments on Dream's overreaction with Tommy's second exile. To them it makes sense because George was already established as someone important to Dream. And I'll get more into that later.

The burning of Ponk's Lemon Tree is an early case of George being granted special privileges. After Ponk griefed George's base, her chat suggested that she burn down Ponk's lemon tree. When George asks Dream if she should, he tells her that she can. So she burns down the lemon tree close to the Community House. After this, someone in the chat mentions the bigger tree. Dream takes note of this message and tells George that she should watch Ponk's vod and find the tree. Once George finds it, he kills all his chickens while Dream laughs. Once Ponk logs on, Dream tells George to quickly set fire to the tree in order to do more damage.

As mentioned before, the court house does exist and is in use by this point in the smp. Despite that, Dream chooses to allow George to take matters into her own hands. He also encourages George to find Ponk's bigger lemon tree despite her being satisfied with burning down the smaller one. It's not normal for Dream's character, even at this point in the lore, to start bigger conflicts unnecessarily. This is another example of him making an exception for George. Dream backing George's action also seems to be the reason Ponk doesn't retaliate the way they do when Sapnap burns down their tree later.

While all of these instances are tiny on their own, they are important to understanding the greater dynamic between the two characters. Not only does it create a pattern of Dream treating George differently from the others, it also shows why George perceives him as a protector later on. The early days of their relationship are also important since they make it clear that these are the times they look back on fondly. The times they want the server to revert back to. It isn't just because it was "simple" or "peaceful" but because nothing disrupted the status quo.

It's also important to understand why a slight against George was considered a slight against Dream for so long. You can't understand a lot of the relationship and conflicts between characters without understanding this first.

How does c!Dream view c!George?

When I talked about the foundations of cDnf, I talked about how early conflicts established simple aspects of how their characters interact. I also mentioned how these early conflicts shaped the way they're viewed by the rest of the server. Now I'm going to dive more into how they see each other.

While deciphering this from the vods is incredibly difficult, once all of the pieces are together it's actually really easy to understand. Due to the nature of their characters, they are forced to see people through a lense of "Ok, how does this person benefit me?" Because they were the first ever characters on the sever, they could only benefit each other through teamwork. They had to work together in order to survive without any weapons or armor. Because of this, they saw each other as equals.

There's a noticeable shift in how they view each other once the smp becomes established, though. George is a weaker fighter than Dream and she tends to mess around more often. This puts her in more conflicts. Naturally, Dream aids her in these conflicts since they've established themselves as allies. However, this also changes George's position from an equal to someone beneath Dream. She, possibly without knowing, puts herself in a position where she must rely on Dream's strength and resources for survival.

The power George (and Sapnap in some instances) give Dream is the power that he later latches onto. He doesn't put himself in a leader role, he's pushed into it. George uses Dream to end conflicts by running to him whenever she finds herself in trouble. This is why Dream was seen as the leader by other characters later. This is why the server became the DreamSmp and the "team" part fell back. This is why he believes he must insert himself in ever minor problem on the server.

When George falls behind Dream, it doesn't go unnoticed by him. The way Dream talks to and about George during the L'manberg war shows a small shift in how he views her. George is inactive on the server in the time leading up to the war. While Dream and Sapnap are building cobble walls around L'manberg, Dream mentions that George was approached by Tommy and Wilbur. He claims that they tried to get her on their side, but he isn't worried because George is on his side. What's interesting about this is, when George joins, Dream actually asks if she's on his side. She then says that she doesn't actually know what's happening. Dream gives her the basics and George laughs when he lists the members of the country. Dream explains that she's laughing because she's wondering why she'd ever team with them.

This interaction is significant in understanding how Dream views George because it establishes something that will later become a pattern. Dream making a decision on George's behalf without consulting her about it. This was the first sign that Dream no longer saw George as an equal, but as a follower. He's decided that their goals align without actually confirming that with her.

Following this, another interesting thing happens. The Lion King plagiarism.

What stands out about this event, is actually Sapnap and not Dnf. As established before, George barely understands what's going on. Because of that, she hasn't assisted him at all with the preparations for the war. Sapnap on the other hand, has been assisting Dream since the very start of the conflict. So why then, did Dream choose to promise the land to George? Well, it's established in Dream's conversation with Punz later in the SMP, that he defines loyalty as having not ever gone against him. Since Sapnap went against Dream during the Disc War, he's no longer fit to take over the server in an event where he's no longer around. But, since Dream sees George as someone who shares his ideals, she is fit to take over if something happens to him. We'll come back to that later.

Throughout the stream where both these events take place, Dream is still treating George primarily as an equal despite chipping away at her autonomy. He even trusts her to guard him when he enters L'manburg to place signs. Granted he also knows that Eret isn't a threat. There's a large shift in his treatment towards her during the actual war, though.

The now deleted and near impossible to find behind the scenes footage of the L'manburg war from Punz's pov shows a harsh change in Dream's treatment of George. George is, obviously, the least prepared for the war which results in both Dream and Punz handing her anything she may need. At a point, Dream asks George to follow him because he thinks she's the most likely to die. George says she isn't going to die and Dream replies with "hopefully" before showing her a chest that contained extra weapons and armor.

There's another event from the second part of this video that shows clips of the actual war. When Wilbur logs on, Sapnap says he could one shot him. George repeatedly tells him to do it, while Dream tells him not to. George then says that she's going to start shooting and Dream once again tells her not to. When Sapnap starts shooting again, he seems to think that George is the one shooting. He says "What part of follow my lead, George, do you not understand?" and George quickly snaps back with "You can't control me." This is followed by silence then Dream says that George is the "only optional member of this team"

These two events establish something new about how Dream views George. The first being that he sees her as weak. At least in comparison to himself, Punz, and Sapnap. This isn't a rare opinion and is shared between most of the server. It's just worth pointing out because it lines up with another point of mine. Dream tells George that she is the only optional member of the team. The statement could be put off as just a joke, but I think it's more than that. The way Dream planned out the war made it near impossible for them to lose. He'd gotten all of their plans from Eret and already predicted exactly how it would end. Truthfully, he didn't need George to win the war. Punz and Sapnap are stronger than her and got wayy more kills. George's presence, truthfully, added nothing to the team or Dream's plan.

That being said, George's presence did matter to Dream. George being on his side mattered to Dream. And that's a big difference between Dnf and every other friendly dynamic Dream has on the server. Punz? Sapnap? Technoblade? They matter to Dream largely because of what they can do for him. All of them are strong fighters who constantly have resources that Dream can borrow. Being friends with them doesn't only provide Dream companionship, but also ensures that he is always on the winning side.

So, what value does being allies with George actually provide Dream? Well, power itself. As I said before, what originally gave Dream power was George insisting on running to him whenever a conflicts arose. George is, and always has been, the only character who is dependent on Dream having control. Dream sees George as someone who is weak. A follower who needs his charity to even survive on the server. The absolute control Dream has over George makes her predictable, easy to understand, and comfortable to be around. That's what makes her special to him. That's why having her on his side matters.

Now, this is all early smp Dnf and while this all carries into their later interactions, the proof for that comes from a much more complex part of the lore. The King George - Dethronement era of c!Dnf is where a lot of debate about them comes from. This is where people start to argue that George didn't matter to Dream as much as he pretended she did. The truth is, you can only begin to understand what happened here if you understand how these two characters perceive each other. So! I will be talking about this arc specifically in part 2 where I'll also be talking about George's pov.

For now, I'll skip to what happens after these events and talk about Dream's view of George prior to and during prison arc.

George and Dream hang out a few times in the period between exile and the disc finale. This shows that, despite what people say, they did not stop interacting because of the dethronement fallout. While nothing outside of their normal banter happens (aside from Dream being a bit more violent), it is important to note that the two of them were still friends.

We don't get a lot from Dream during the prison arc, but we do know that he wants to see George. He requests her presence on 2 occasions, once during Bad's visit and again during Sapnap's. It's also implied that George is who Dream's thinking of when Tommy asks him who he misses the most, though he could've been thinking of anyone. This at the very least shows that she's in his mind. While it could be argued that he only wanted to see George in order to get her to help him escape, this is unlikely. As we already established, Dream doesn't really see George as capable.

The only other point where Dream outright mentions George is after his escape from the prison. This is, of course, during his conversation with Sapnap. There isn't much to gather on his feelings towards George from this conversation. However, I do think it's important to note that he doesn't seem at all surprised by the idea that George misses him. His small pause after Sapnap says that George never talks about him implies that he's much more surprised about that. Him refusing to acknowledge Sapnap's words and instead changing the subject back to his armor suggests that maybe Sapnap's words got to him a bit.

I'd also like to point out that that part of the conversation isn't the only time George is brought up. Sapnap uses her name twice to try and get a reaction out of Dream. This goes back to my other point about how the other characters acknowledge George's importance to him. Dream refusing to talk about George during and after the prison arc may be due to his fear of people he cares about getting hurt. George is Dream's biggest and most vulnerable attachment, so making it too obvious that he still cares is dangerous for both of them.

That being said, I'd like to move on to the finale. The finale gave us a lottt to chew on when it comes to Dnf, all things considered. One of those things being a sign with George's name being one of the few fully legible signs in Dream and Punz's little hideout. There's a lot of interpretation for this sign, but the easiest explanation is that the two of them were planning to use George to destroy Kinoko. Not only does this line up with George's dream, but it would match the other sign that says "Purpled, Quackity, Las Nevadas" (iirc I literally can't find the pic </3) The other name on the sign with George's seemed to be Sapnap's, so it would line up since Dream threatened Sapnap. That being said, it could also be because Dream and Punz planned for George to be one of the first people they approach with the offer to share the revival book's knowledge. This also makes sense because Punz is one of the few characters who knows that George still cares about Dream.

Either option makes it clear that Dream still wants George on his team and hasn't actually stopped thinking about her. He most likely still considers her an ally since, unlike him and Sapnap, they haven't had a true falling out.

Now onto my last and final point: Tommy's limbo during the finale. Limbos change based on how you die, and Tommy dies after claiming that Dream was the same (still evil and craving power) prior to getting the revival book. Tommy then claims that death is something substantial before Dream kills him to prove otherwise. I feel like, too many people interpret this moment incorrectly. And this is because to understand this moment, you have to understand Dnf.

Dream seemingly kills Tommy, again, to prove him wrong. But I argue that Tommy saying that death matters isn't why Dream chooses to attack. That isn't the point of the conversation they're having. They're arguing over whether what Dream's doing with the revival book has a purpose. Whether his quest for power matters at all. Dream is arguing that what he did ensures that everyone can live and be happy forever. While Tommy is arguing that in his quest for power he denied himself the ability to ever be happy. He tells Dream that if he would've focused on the present instead of power than they could've even be friends. That's when Dream claims that Tommy ruined the server and made that impossible. Dream blames his need for power on a need to control Tommy (and people like him) and stop them from ruining the server. That's when Tommy claims that Dream was always the same, that he spent his entire life chasing power. And When Tommy says that, Dream tries to interject but Tommy keeps talking and tries to make his point about death being serious. That's when Dream gets aggressive. That's why Dream kills him.

And why does that matter to Dnf? Easy. Tommy dies, because Dream was annoyed at the fact that Tommy truly believed that he was always evil or chasing power. The vod chosen to prove Tommy wrong isn't one that features Sapnap, or Sam, or Ponk, or Alyssa, or any of the other og members. It would've been sooo easy for the vod to be a community house building stream or even just DTeam fucking around. Those vods would've been easy to understand for both Tommy and the audience. Instead we see the first ever Dsmp stream. A stream that only features Dream and George. This is important because, as I mentioned, there weren't any conflicts between the two of them in the beginning. Dream wasn't chasing power because there was no power to chase, and no one to have control over.

The rest of the finale really drives home George (and Sapnap's) importance to Dream even after everything. Dream all but completely confirms that everything he's done and planned to do was worth it because it meant in the end he'd live forever with his friends. Everything would be simple the way it was in the early days. Before Tommy and his friends ruined it all. I think this alone makes cDnf a core dynamic to Dream's character and understanding his actions in retrospect.

ANYWAY I've talked for long enough so I'm just going to leave this here. This took me HOURS (days?) to write and I wanted to say more but... I decided to spare anyone who actually wanted to read this. If you fuck with c!Dnf or hate it immensely uh... stay tuned for pt 2 yayy (it will be shorter trust me)

[md-confessions]

sort of in response to that one ask about doll not being 'uzi if she never met n.'

both her and uzi were changed through grief and disconnect from their peers even if it showed in different ways. both of them have themes of loneliness & both of them have an intense festering hatred that fuels their motivations.

the difference between them is that through the connections that uzi formed after being forced into a situation where she had to open up, she deterred herself from the path she was slowly going down.

like her quote en quote villain arc was stopped before it started because of the connection she formed with N but doll never had that.

doll refused to form connections despite the chances she was given because it happened too late. her anger festered for so long that she wasn't able to make a comeback. her hubris was her downfall. she became the very thing she sought to destroy.

the point of promening and her 'hypocritical murder plan' was that she was so blinded by her anger and hatred, she didn't really think too far about the logics of her plan; she probably fantasized killing v and then took the first chance she could to actually do it.

she has some kind of tunnel vision, focusing on her goals until she's gotten them; no matter the cost, no matter who or what she has to get through. (another similarity between her and uzi, imo.)

Uzi basically stated "hey we should stop fighting cause there's bigger shit at play and we can deal with it better if we team up" and Doll responded with "No I can do this on my own also die"

sort of. imagine you spend years upon years seething and imagining ways you're going to kill this sky demon that killed your parents in front of you and lead to the activation of a virus that has plagued you for years since that point. you have to actively kill and eat people from a young age & you are alone in your struggles; presumably the singular person who is aware of them finds your trauma humorous to an extent, and even if she sticks by your side, you feel like she doesn't really get it. i reiterate; you are alone in your struggles.

one day, you finally get your chance. you fantasize this moment for years, to the point where it becomes the only plausible solution to your problems. you don't plan it out thoroughly, because you know the universe will deal its hand correctly and allow you catharsis after years of festering that hatred. it finally happens. you have her in your sights, you have her pinned, she knows who you are now and you're about to kill her, to inflict all the pain on her you have wanted to for years; no matter who may have gotten in your way, you will have this, it's all you want, its all you HAVE wanted.

and then someone stops you. she tells you some things that if you were in a clearer mind, you would have thought deeper about, but you're so fucking angry right now and you want her to get out of the way. you don't listen.

you fight. you lose. you come back.

she has the same virus as you. you're not alone anymore. and that's when the conflicting feelings start. but despite that start, they never quite come to any meaningful conclusion because you have more important things to do. perhaps she inspired you a little to understand that the fate of the planet is more important than your fantasy for revenge, but you're so set in your ways you can't quite admit it yet. and again; when you get that chance again, to enact revenge, you take it.

and in the end, it ruined her & she died. she died as she lived; alone.

essentially, 'doll is uzi if she never met n' doesn't mean that exactly; it means doll is uzi if she never formed meaningful connections. the friends she had in school don't count in my eyes. literally the very first proper interaction we see between her and lizzy is lizzy playing doll's traumatic experience off as a joke. no hate towards lizzy also just to specify i love them as friends i just don't think it is on the same level of healthy as n and uzis friendship is?

okay.. i can't add any more to this it's so fucking long also it's 1 am GOODNIGHT i hope this doesn't look weird or aggressive

.

[yuikomorii]

It's unfair that some characters do not get as much spotlight, but our Fandom isn't responsible for that. Rejet, as a company, made a decision to portrait Ayato as the main lead.

Does that means he's better, and that his route/character development is written to perfection, while others aren't "good enough"?

HELL NO. Absolutely not.

Some parts of Ayato's development with Yui felt really rushed imo, or the main conflict on CD Dramas getting "solved" (if there's even a resolution) with 0 lessons learned.

We should see all characters equally for their difficulties, as well as acknowledge their flaws. But everyone has their favorites. Sometimes, we just want to praise them for the sake of praising instead of analyzing everything/every character so thoroughly. It's okay.

Do what you enjoy!! Don't let others talk down to you.

+

I hope you are alright ♥, you did an awesome, informative post that has been seen and agreed with by many people. Time to pat yourself in the back for a job well done.

Don't forget to hydrate, and I wish you the best.

// To be honest, I think the anime is the only occasion when not everyone gets enough spotlight because their routes are as long as Ayato's. Everyone receives a lot of content, and DL got so much merch that I doubt anyone will be able to gather every piece of their favorite character. ^^”

I have never seen anyone saying that Ayato got the best development, because he definitely didn’t. After the curse got broken, he started acting like a normal teenage boy. His true face was described by Rejet as “pure-hearted”, therefore I don’t think there’s much room for personal improvement when you have always been brave, empathetic and self-sacrificing. Nor can they totally get rid of his impulsiveness or occasional arrogance, since everyone needs to keep some flaws. However, it’s true that, while he doesn’t develop incredibly, he does mature a lot throughout the games. I guess that’s one of the reason why his smile starts fading away game by game. After all, he begins to see things exactly as they are.

While it’s true that his DF route is considered by Japanese players as the best written one in the franchise, it’s still very weak compared to routes from other otome games. I truthfully believe everyone deserved better routes, given that they’re all so rushed for unknown reasons. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like most of the time everything escalates too quickly?? And some conflicts between the characters are so random and just there to add unnecessary drama.

Furthermore, whenever new official art comes out, I'm always excited to see how others react to their best boys. I really like seeing people thirst for their favs and I believe more people should do so, without the fear of being judged.

Last but not least, there will always be characters who go through more horrible stuff than others, yet people should understand that this doesn’t make their trauma the most important. Even in real life, it’s not good to invalidate someone’s feelings only because someone else “had it worse”. I understand that it’s amazing how some people manage to stay resilient, but not everyone is like that. On top of that, the jokes about the Diaboys’ traumas I’ve seen in this fandom will never be funny. I hope nobody is planning to post such things again because ew—.

Thank you for your ask, it was interesting to read! I’m glad my post helped others understand him better!! I wish you the best too. 💕

[morrowlegacy]

Questions for Meredydd:

Which canon character annoys your OC?

Who would call your OC their best friend?

Which canon character does your OC respect a lot?

Does your OC love anyone? (romantic)

What is your OC’s ‘‘darkness moment’’ in the plot?

— Your Secret Santa 🌟

Which canon character annoys your oc?

There are quite a few that come to mind. Meredydd tends to be very patient, so her annoyance is rarely shown on the outside. That said, she is still human and becomes irked by a few individuals throughout her story. The first one is Imelda. They later become good friends, but when they first met, Meredydd found Imelda to be a bit of an overconfident bully, and it bothered her that the quidditch player was so quick to judge her flying skills when Meredydd was extremely new to the sport. There were a few spats between them, mainly involving a string of back-and-forth banter that was less than kind. Luckily, they quickly resolved their issues and through that experience learned to respect each other. Their quarrels are something they laugh about now, but at the time it was definitely heated.

Secondly, it would be Sebastian. They are of course in love later down the road, but I want them to have the slowest of slow burns, so during the main plot, there are some conflicting feelings. Sebastian is Meredydd’s friend, but his stubborn demeanor and disregard for others when he’s focused on finding a cure for his sister has angered Meredydd on multiple occasions. They often get into fights, especially during the time leading up to the death of Sebastian’s uncle, as Meredydd is desperately trying to lead him away from the dark she sees growing in him. Sebastian often sees himself as being the only one who is right, and gets upset when others challenge him, which is exactly what Meredydd does. He’s thankful for it after the fact because more often than not Mereddyd helps him see how wrong he is when he is blind to it, but there tend to be some unkind words between them when he’s particularly stubborn. Sometimes, her anger shocks him, though he hates to admit it, especially because it is not often that she becomes so angry that she will raise her voice. If you had seen her after the whole, “Why would I listen to someone so ignorant,” argument, you would have been scared straight!

Meredydd also gets annoyed at the Keepers, especially as she progresses through the trials. She can understand where they are coming from, and she doesn’t think Isidora Morganach was right by any means, but she doesn’t exactly agree with the Keeper’s morals even though she respects them. Meredydd believes it is important to keep the power source a secret, especially after the death of Professor Fig. But when she learned more and more about Isadora’s backstory, she realized that perhaps if they had tried a little harder to help her through her pain, she would not have ended up the way that she had. Pain is a part of life, that is an undeniable fact that Meredydd knows first hand, but she also understands that she would not have made it through her pain without the people around her supporting her. She feels that the Keepers were simply afraid of what Isidora was becoming, and didn’t see how their fear was affecting Isidora’s actions. Perhaps if they had tried a little harder to support her through her hurt instead of simply insisting on the “pain is a part of life so you just have to deal with it” mentality, Isidora might have been able to turn around for good. Of course, there is a lot of nuance to Isidora’s story, so it’s a bit hard for me to explain how Meredydd feels about it, but I hope I got the message across. Basically, Meredydd doesn’t believe that Isidora was right in taking the pain away from others, but she also believes that the Keepers could have done more than sit by and let Isidora fall from grace so easily.

Two other people she finds a bit irritating. First of all Ferdinand (the annoying portrait), which is why she put him in the Hog’s head. (Meredydd can be a bit spiteful at times, especially when it comes to constant whining and complaining). And then of course the Poltergeist Fastidio. She honestly doesn’t mind him that much, (She was much more irritated by Cassandra Mason for tricking her and then almost killing her), especially when they made the deal that he can cause trouble after 9 PM for two days out of the month. Sometimes Meredydd forgets the specifics of their deal and gets wrapped up in his shenanigans, becoming a playmate in his games for a while, which can be a bit bothering. She acknowledges that it’s her fault for forgetting what time or day it is, so Meredydd can’t truly be mad at him.

Who would your oc say is their best friend? Who would call your oc their best friend?:

Meredydd’s friends with practically everybody, but she is especially close to the main four (Natty, Poppy, Sebastian, and Amit, and then Ominis of course). Out of those, she is probably the closest to Natty, so that’s who she would consider her best friend. They are platonic soulmates (I love that trope so much). Natty was the first student Meredydd interacted with in class when she first arrived at the school, and they had a lot in common. As they worked together on various quests, they just became closer and closer, especially when Natty jumped in front of the spell to protect her. I think that if someone were to consider her their best friend it would be Amit! Amit really likes Meredydd’s company, and she is eager to listen to any facts he wants to spill, especially those about the stars. I think Amit often feels like the other students his age don’t particularly understand him, and he hears how people call him a “know-it-all.” In all reality, he’s just incredibly smart and is passionate about what he knows. Usually, they only want to be around him so he can help them with their homework or something of that sort. So when Meredydd appears and is genuinely kind to him and talks to him without some sort of hidden motive, he finally realizes what it’s like to have a true friend. He was a bit concerned after they snuck into the mine and figured out a piece of what Ranrok was planning, but Amit never held the danger of that moment against her. It honestly made them closer friends.

Which canon character does your oc respect a lot?

Meredydd respects her Professors immensely, especially Professor Fig and Professor Weasley. Those two helped her with her transition into the wizarding world more than anyone else, and she is truly thankful for it. Meredydd was devastated by Professor Fig’s death, and Professor Weasley immediately gave her the support she needed during such a difficult time. She also respects Sirona, who has assisted her on multiple occasions throughout her story in particular. (Including things in between and after the main plot of the game that I added myself). She also respects Goblins, despite everything with Ranrok going on. She has met plenty of wonderful Goblins who have been kind to her and have shown strength in adversity. It pains her that there are people out there who mistreat them because they consider them “lesser.” Meredydd respects all of her friends and mentors, who are like a family to her after everything she has experienced with them.

Does your oc love anyone? (romantic)

Meredydd loves Sebastian Sallow. They have a very slow romance, with lots of ups and downs and I still haven’t decided if they get their happy ending or not… I have a few different concepts for what happens to them in my version of the story, so all I’ll say for now is that I definitely want them together, I just don’t know when that actually happens. Other than Sebastian, if I had to pick a different character to ship with her (just because it is fun to think about) I would choose either Ominis or Amit. Ominis and Meredydd have always been on the same page regarding pretty much everything, so I could definitely see them getting together in an alternate universe. When Meredydd interacted with Amit for the first time I thought they looked so cute together, so I think that they would end up as a very sweet couple. But Sebastian is her true love and regardless of what happens to them they will always love each other.

What is your oc’s “darkest moment” in the plot?

So… I can’t actually answer this without spoiling something big that I’m planning an art piece for, so I’m going to go with the second choice! Her darkest moment was definitely the fight with Ranrok and subsequently Professor Fig’s death. I touched on this a little in one of my other asks, but basically she gets thrust into a very deep depression after those two events, feeling unworthy and like she failed. This is especially sad because in my version, these two things happened right before Christmas, so she can’t even enjoy her first Christmas at Hogwarts that much. (Luckily it’s not all sad because her friends pull through and are very comforting and encouraging, but it’s still quite depressing). I wish I could say more, but I don’t want to spoil anything, so I have to keep it hush hush for now, but I hope this is a good answer regardless!

Thank you for your questions Secret Santa!!💜

[doukeshi-kun]

Hey! I’m not sure if this falls into the “personal questions” category, if so, feel free to ignore this ask, and I’m sorry in advance!

You don’t have to get personal and speak about yourself at all, I’ve just been very clueless lately, about whether or not I might be aromantic. I’d say I’m pretty emotional and I do love, but the how romance is portrayed, and the idea of a “typical” romantic relationship has always seemed so shallow and meaningless to me. And I get second hand embarrassment from other people’s romantic relationships irl and in the media. And I can’t really tell platonic and romantic love apart, to me, romantic love is just love paired with sexual attraction (and sometimes it’s like super cringe too.)

I do crave connection with people who are “more special” to me than just friends, but I just don’t know if I’d call that romance, and I’ve never had a crush either. What would you consider the best way to feel less confused about this feeling of mine?

i'm actually happy to talk about aroace stuff because i know i won't be able to talk about it freely irl lmao. this is a bit long!

aromantic doesn't mean you're 100% not having any sort of romantic attraction towards someone—it generally means having little to no romantic attraction. besides, there are a lot more identities fall under the aromantic umbrella like grayromantic and demiromantic. i suggest you to read more into these identites if you're feeling conflicted and having those 'jumps' in your attraction.

these are all my opinions and experiences 👇 yours might differ bcs each human is unique to their own :)

i don't really want to get too personal here... but like a few years ago, there's this person whom i really wanted to befriend and i'm only ever interested in the idea of becoming his friend. however, people around me were taking my interest as something romantic and started shipping us together into a couple. it icked me so so badly because i knew i would enjoy being his friend but not his partner. i like the thought of being friends and that was it. that is all. no romantic relationship or anything. i have no desire to do romantic things with him, i have no desire to evolve the friendship or anything, i don't even like him romantically.

for me, that was my discovery of platonic attraction. i knew i wanted to form a friendship, and that was it. nothing more. i think the biggest sign that i feel stromgly that i'm aro is that i don't remember having a crush and i don't feel the need to pursue a relationship with someone else. like once someone started to make flirty comment on me irl, i'm repulsed by it.

i honestly don't know how exactly to describe romance or romantic feelings, mainly because i only perceive romance through medias and not through myself. i become sure i don't feel romantic attraction because i know how it feels to have platonic attraction and aesthetic attraction. i just don't know how it feels to have romantic attraction because well, i don't experience that, how would i know tsksgdjsjs💀

a lot of my friends are in relationships and when i listen to their experiences of anything like that, i could not relate at all. sometimes i'm like "why and how do you guys feel that way" or like "do you HAVE to be in a relationship with them? is it even necessary? is there any difference between being their friends and partner?"

there are more varieties of relationships that could be formed with someone whom you regard as "more special". romantic relationship isn't the only relationship —there are queerplatonic relationship as well. for me, relationship is basically having your intimate needs to be met lol

i really understand the confusion and the feeling of alienation when facing a romantic relationship irl. we're stuck in a world where everyone is into someone and someone is into everyone. the best way that i could think of to deal with this confusion is for you to figure out what kind of attraction you're feeling towards someone you happen to be interested with, be it for any reason really—because at least you can be certain about how some attractions feel like.

[mbti-notes]

hi mbti, entj with an exfj mother. whenever we get into arguments, she responds by yelling at me and blaming me and admittedly i respond by yelling back at her. she has been like this for the entirety of my life and when i try to communicate with her calmly after an argument she just ignores me. i want to have a better grasp on how to control my reactions during arguments as it takes a lot out of me to try and reason with her or even get an insight into other solutions i haven't considered. thank you

Why are you interested in personality type? Many people are merely in it for ego validation. Some people are looking to improve their relationships with different types. IMO, if you want to get something truly valuable out of type theory, you have to enter into the learning process with a clear intention to develop a deeper understanding of humans, to gain the kind of wisdom that helps you become more empathetic and compassionate toward yourself and others. In other words, do you genuinely want to understand your relationship with your mom and connect with her better, or do you just want a quick-fix to end the conflict and get her off your back?

When you seek to resolve a conflict for mostly egotistical reasons, you won't get very far, because it's easy for the other person to detect that you care more about your own comfort than their well-being. To resolve a conflict properly, you must approach it primarily from a place of care and love. If you aren't able to do that, you're signalling to the other person that you're not relationship-ready, so they won't have much motivation to meet you halfway, hence, the reluctance to engage with you. Why waste energy on a discussion that will go nowhere? Why waste energy trying to explain something when the other person doesn't seem to have the desire/capacity to understand? I'm not accusing you of anything or judging who's right or wrong. I'm simply making sure that you are aware of your intentions because they matter a great deal in conflict resolution.

It is indeed important to keep yourself in check when things get too heated, but that's really only the first of many steps. At most, it keeps communication going, but it doesn't constitute a full-fledged solution to the conflict. You haven't described or provided any representative examples of the sorts of things you argue about, which makes it very difficult for me to know what exactly lies at the root of the conflict. And perhaps that is the problem: You're not grasping what lies at the root of the conflict, so your ideas about how to solve it keep dancing around the problem at best. Dancing around means you have no clear direction or no clue about what the finishing move should be. What is your long term vision for this relationship?

In terms of ENTJ development, dancing around is likely related to underdeveloped Ni: your way of thinking is too short-sighted and superficial, so you're unable to grasp what's really happening beneath appearances, let alone set a long term vision to strive for. In the context of relationships, the superficiality of underdeveloped Ni is also linked to underdeveloped Fi: you are unable to recognize and address the underlying feelings and emotional needs in play, so you end up band-aiding the conflict only to have it recur in the future.

Every personality type has its fair share of challenges, difficulties, and weaknesses. If you don't understand what they are in your own type, you won't make much progress in personal growth. If you don't understand what they are in someone else's type, you won't be able to "speak their language" or frame ideas in a way that makes sense to them. Recurring relationship problems usually require a two-pronged solution of personal growth as well as growing your understanding of others. Developing Ni+Fi should help you with both.

The most obvious difference between you and your mother is T and F. By definition, feelings and emotions matter a lot to Fs and how they make decisions. Healthy Fe doms don't anger easily because they: don't like the stress of extreme emotions; are usually willing to give people the benefit of the doubt; prefer to see the good in people; hope for kinder ways of resolving conflicts. There are really only a few things that anger Fe doms, mostly involving:

lack of care shown to the things that are very important to them

ignoring/dismissing people's needs and feelings

taking them and their thoughtfulness for granted

violation of their personal rules/boundaries

antisocial/immoral behavior that causes harm or suffering

Have you done any of the above? If so, have you admitted the mistake, provided a humble and honest explanation for it, sincerely apologized, and made a promise to do better? That is often all it takes to get back in the good graces of FJs, but you'd be surprised at how often people simply can't or won't take the first step toward reconciliation.

It takes two to tango. When the lines of communication have broken down, it's sometimes necessary to step up and be the bigger person and apologize first, in order to encourage the other person to respond in kind. It's not about who is at fault or who is to blame or who started it (i.e. pettiness). It's really about acknowledging that feelings have been hurt and needs have been neglected, and then making a gesture toward repair. In essence, it's about ending all aggression and, instead, opening up opportunities to show love.

To be clear, this is not about rolling over, placating, or appeasing. You also need to address why you feel in conflict, why you feel upset. You wouldn't be getting into arguments without feeling strongly about something or other. Oftentimes, ENTJs are unable to speak about feelings and emotions directly because they fear being vulnerable and/or simply don't have that level of self-awareness. But vulnerability is precisely the gesture that is needed for the other person to feel more confident about reconciliation.

Vulnerability shows that you are finally ready and willing to get real, to discuss the very heart of the matter. Speaking honestly and authentically about feelings is quite difficult for most people, usually due to ego reasons, but it is necessary for building more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Until two people can feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with each other - to approach with zero intention to judge, shame, blame, accuse, or attack - they won't be able to resolve relationship problems once and for all.

Of course, one big reason people fear vulnerability is because it leaves them open to being manipulated, exploited, or attacked. You can't control other people, so trusting them always carries some risk. Give people a few chances to return your vulnerability in graduated steps, but if they can't reciprocate or they use it against you, it means they are not relationship-ready. At that point, feel proud that you were brave and put out your best effort, but acknowledge that the relationship has hit a hard ceiling for reasons beyond your control.

If you have a tendency to nitpick or debate the details of who's right and who's wrong in an argument, you're basically trying to establish dominance and doing the opposite of being vulnerable. And chances are, you're ignoring what matters most, which is healing the injury that was caused by the conflict. It could be injury to a person or to the relationship as a whole. In the midst of heated conflict, it's easy for feelings to get trampled, boundaries to get violated, trust to get betrayed, and painful memories to get dredged up. One reason people avoid conflict is because it's difficult to get past the injuries.

When someone's leg is injured, you don't tell them to get over it and keep walking only to make it worse, rather, you get them off their feet, reduce their pain, and then gently repair what was fractured or broken. Feelings and emotions are real. Emotional pain often registers in similar brain areas as physical pain. It requires time, sensitivity, the right kind of comforting, and a focus on fulfilling unmet needs to heal emotional pain. When you don't allow time and opportunity to heal emotional injury, you're basically leaving people to writhe in pain alone, so don't be surprised when they have zero mental capacity for anything else. Have you ever tried to reason through a difficult problem while experiencing intense pain?

One of the great things and also one of the most difficult things about being F dominant is that feelings and emotions always loom larger than other types. Are you able to understand and accept this reality about them? Fe doms deeply value loving relationships and are thus easily pained by unloving behavior. Fe doms generally find it difficult to bring up their own negative feelings/emotions because they don't want to cause a disturbance or be a burden. As a result, they might get into the habit of suppressing how they really feel, which might lead them to also develop a habit of exploding any time they are unable to suppress any longer. And once feelings get too big, they'll find it difficult to articulate what's really happening inside, due to inferior Ti.

The remedy is to provide them with a safe, nonjudgmental, and compassionate space to speak freely at all times. But this means you have to be prepared to hear things that you don't want to hear and/or things that don't make sense to you (and require tactful clarification). To get better at girding yourself, you have to deploy Ni+Fi to step back and see the bigger picture (i.e. don't take it personally), and to look beyond the surface content of their words and understand what they really mean, with regard to:

what exactly is causing them to feel bad

what you've contributed to their negative feelings

what it is they really need or which of their needs remain unmet

what rules/boundaries were violated and require repair

what unloving/immoral behavior needs to be stopped

what unfair/unjust situation needs to be righted

Once you grasp the underlying problem, you'll have a much better chance of negotiating the right solution. A simple but effective way to improve your conflict resolution skills is to be more curious and listen more, to ensure that you are in touch with the reality of the situation, rather than operating on faulty assumptions. Family relationships are often the most challenging relationships, but learning how to navigate them effectively can set you up with the skills you need to navigate all relationships effectively throughout life.

I have already written a lot about function development, emotional intelligence, and communication skills. I've also recommended books on the resources page. There's no shortage of information. What remains unclear is how motivated you are to improve your people skills and what end goals you have for this relationship.

[ahopkins1965]

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AI Overview

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"Limited support from family members" means that you cannot rely on your family to provide a significant amount of emotional, practical, or even financial assistance when needed, potentially due to distance, disagreements, or their own personal limitations, leaving you to navigate challenges largely on your own. 

Key aspects of limited family support:

Emotional distance:

Family members may not be available to listen to your problems, offer encouragement, or express empathy when you need it. 

Lack of practical help:

You might not be able to count on your family for things like childcare, transportation, or assistance with daily tasks. 

Financial constraints:

Family members may not be able to provide financial support during difficult times. 

Disagreements and conflict:

Family dynamics could involve frequent arguments or differing opinions that prevent you from seeking support. 

Geographical distance:

Living far away from your family can limit their ability to be physically present when needed. 

Dealing with Difficult Family Relationships - HelpGuide.org

Aug 21, 2024 — Experience fear and anxiety surrounding family or holiday events. ... Suffer from lack of emotional or financial support during hard times. ... You ...



HelpGuide.org

Family Relationships and Well-Being - PMC - PubMed Central

Nov 11, 2017 — Prior studies clearly show that stress undermines health and well-being (Thoits, 2010), and strains in relationships with family members are an espe...

PubMed Central

Financial support between family members

Financial support between family members can take various forms. It can involve occasional or regular payments, paying for small or large purchases (including h...

Australian Institute of Family Studies

Additional Supports for Families | SOAR Works! - SAMHSA

Support can take many forms such as providing transportation or babysitting, sharing information about services in the community, or someone to talk to who unde...

SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (.gov)

How to set family boundaries (and why they’re so important) - Calm

Sep 25, 2024 — What are some examples of family boundaries? Family boundaries come in many forms, depending on your specific needs and circumstances. Physical boun...



Calm

Dealing With Unsupportive Family: 4 Key Strategies (+tips)

Jun 7, 2024 — They may not understand your mindset Sometimes, family members are unsupportive only because they don't understand your mindset. People have differen...



by Ramit Sethi

Divorces Skyrocketing Due to Lack of Family Support

Oct 6, 2023 — But what exactly does lack of family support mean? This is a vague reason that could mean many different things, like a lack of emotional support, la...

Edward J. Jennings, P.A.

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How do you deal with a lack of support from your family?

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Why is it so hard for some people's families to just be supportive? - Quora

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I Will Teach You To Be Rich

https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com

Dealing With Unsupportive Family: 4 Key Strategies (+tips)

Jun 7, 2024 — They may be struggling with their own issues. Sometimes, your family members cannot support you because they are dealing with their issues.

National Institutes of Health (NIH) (.gov)

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Family Relationships and Well-Being - PMC

by PA Thomas · 2017 · Cited by 916 — Those receiving support from their family members may feel a greater sense of self-worth, and this enhanced self-esteem may be a ...



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Determining the limit on how much to "help" family - money assistance

Oct 20, 2014 — Set aside a relatively small amount every month into a family emergency fund. When we get the call, our response depends on how much is in the fund.

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HelpGuide.org

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Aug 21, 2024 — Struggling to coexist with difficult family members? Learn about common sources of conflict and how to deal with dysfunctional family relationships.

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The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

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Supporting a family member with a mental illness or addiction can be overwhelming. It can be a challenge to balance your own needs with being there for them.



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How to set family boundaries (and why they're so important)

Sep 25, 2024 — Family boundaries are the limits you set with family members to protect your personal space, time, and emotional wellbeing.



Medium · Aiyanna Elle

470+ likes · 4 years ago

Why Your Attempts At Setting Boundaries With Your Family Aren't ...

So, What Is a Boundary? · You have a right to be treated with the utmost respect · You have the right to say no to your family without feeling ...

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Psych Central

https://psychcentral.com

The Enmeshed Family System: What It Is and How to Break Free

Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries, such as those in which roles and expectations are confused.



Taylor Counseling Group

https://taylorcounselinggroup.com

10 Ways To Set Boundaries With Difficult Family Members

Mar 3, 2022 — If you're struggling to set healthy boundaries and wondering where to start, professional counseling and support can help get you on track.

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[despair-to-future-arcs]

To make a long story short, Utsuro, real name Tetsuhiko Yamamoto, was born in the same hospital where Harumi worked as a nurse, and accidentally blessed her with Divine Luck and fertility, which means Nagi not only was born thanks to Tetsuhiko , but also has Divine Luck too, which is the reason why Nagito's plot failed.

And with Sachiko, she was born a year after Tetsuhiko ran away from his home because his parents were abusive assholes, and they only had her because they believed that having another child would give them Tetsuhiko's Divine Luck back, so they treated Sachiko horribly and then, threw her in an orphanage once she wasn't of more use for them.

*As explaining...*

EVERYONE: So... you have...?

EVERYONE: Divine Luck?

Yes I do, pretty much I had that power ever since I was born...

Then does that mean you knew this whole time then?! Did you keep this hidden from us?

No of course not Byakuya, I did not discover this at all until just recently, meaning I had no idea about this until just now!

And I only discover this when Nagito attempted to kidnap me...

So wait, you activated it when Nagito was attempting to kidnap you? Hajime, did you know anything about this...?

I did or well, Nagi did tell me first and then she told her mom and dad as well...

Nagi was able to get in contact with Akane Taira and we started to learn about Divine Luck thanks to her, including what Void is doing.

Exactly, right now I'm not sure what they are planning but they want to bring back Utsuro and get back their Divine Luck, she didn't give me all the details but we can at least trust her.

Akane Taira? But I thought she was dead...

Well, she is but she's mostly in a coma-like state; Utsuro had passed on his Divine Luck onto her and was trying to find a way to contact another Divine Luck User...

And it just so happen to be me, mostly because due to Void overusing their Divine Luck to the point of abusing it - she had decided to turn towards someone who hasn't...

But why listen to her, your aware that she help set up the Proto-killing game, should we really trust anything she says?

Well I thought so too but without her, we wouldn't have known about Sachiko being the sister of Utsuro or what his grandfather was doing!

infact, thanks to Akane we actually learn that Utsuro's grandfather was likely the one searching for him and even came across Jin Kirigiri which would explain his obsession with luck.

My father...? You mean, that was why father gave up being a detective...

Seems like it and thanks to this, we at least have a better understanding of Divine Luck then either Void or the Kisaragi Foundation for that matter and it's why we need to make sure they don't find out about this.

Yeah and given what they'll do to Nagi if they learn about her having that power; it might mean trouble for us!

So it's why we had to tell all of you about this, since we can trust you won't say anything...

...I see, it's a lot to consider.

Yeah, this is a lot to take in all at once...

No kidding, this is really confusing...

So... you aren't bad or anything, right? I heard the person that is helping us when she live at the Kisaragi Foundation had stated that Divine Luck Users are bad, then are you-?

Given I did help your brother and wanted to stop the conflict between hope and despair and rehabilitating literal terrorist, I think my actions should speak louder then my words, right?

True... I mean, you did punch that Hiyoko when she hit me so probably your a good person, given I am friends with Toki so I think that does make sense.

[thenexusofsouls]

Tony felt so conflicted. All he wanted was to keep Wanda and his friends safe, but doing that meant ignoring the plight of these aliens, whom Wanda seemed already to be somewhat attached to. It made him feel a bit cold and cruel, but the alternative might be someone he cared about getting seriously hurt. He just couldn't allow that to happen. "Honey, bleeding from your nose isn't normal, and I'm pretty damn sure it's not anything good either. I can't in good conscience let you go back in there and keep hurting yourself. You tried, you had good intentions, and I love you for that, but it's just not safe for you to keep trying."

When Wanda snapped at her, Zhaan felt some of her anger be doused, even as her fear and sadness remained. "You are right, I apologize," she admitted. "Forgive me, I am only worried for my dear friend..." She knew she needed to get a better handle on her emotions, but seeing Pilot like this and being forced to handle it in a situation in which she had almost no control was causing her to spiral a bit. "Whatever help any of you are able to provide, I am grateful for it," she said graciously, knowing that she couldn't allow her emotions to cost Pilot life-saving assistance. She continued to cradle Pilot's head, petting it as he lay passed out from the pain of his wounds.

When Wanda mentioned Vision, something clicked in Tony's mind. "Hey... You know what? You might have something there. Once we process the samples and get to the data analysis part, that can take hours, right? I bet Vision could do it in minutes. He's a walking data processor, for god's sake. I don't mean that... in a derogatory way, I mean his brain is a literal computer. He can process data faster than anybody can do by hand. I can work with this." He started to walk away, but then paused. "If... I leave you here with them... will you promise me not to go back in there? I'm just gonna go find Vision and ask him to help medical with the analysis."

As he was asking Wanda this, a lab tech arrived to take a sample from Pilot. The man looked a bit wary at first, but he cautiously entered the cell and was directed by Zhaan to take blood from one of Pilot's joints, in between the natural armor plates of his body. The tech was able to do this without any fuss from Pilot, who was clearly out like a light.

- - - - -

It was Earth. Crichton's planet. He would've wanted to be here instead of us, she thought. Aeryn pushed aside the emotions that brought up. "It's unlikely that they could reach this planet, but I hesitate to say that anything is impossible at this point," she answered. "I suppose it depends on whether our comrades are stupid enough to try and come after us." She sighed. "I wouldn't put it past Crichton to do exactly that," she then said to Rygel.

"And if he can find us, then they can too," Rygel agreed.

"I'm not exactly sure what I'm hoping for here," Aeryn said, feeling at a loss. When Steve said they wouldn't give up on them and that they were safe, she was genuinely confused, but grateful. "Thank you," she said sincerely. Her heart dropped, though, the moment she heard that a blue woman and an insect creature had been found... "Zhaan and Pilot... Frell me," she said, sitting down and letting her head fall into her hands. "Moya is going to panic without Pilot."

"Surely the others can manage her?" Rygel suggested. Seeing Aeryn suddenly so upset had him unnerved. The Peacekeeper was usually so stoic and collected. If she was this upset, then their situation must be incredibly dire.

"She's not going to listen to them, and even if she does, they can't understand her, not without Pilot's assistance!" Aeryn replied. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at Steve. "I take it Pilot is the one injured? The large insect creature?"

"How would he be injured? Who injured him?" Rygel asked.

"He was physically connected to Moya, Rygel. If he's here and Moya's somewhere else, then... do the math," she answered.

Rygel grimaced and he bowed his head. "Worst hemorrhoids ever..." Although his words might have been taken as a joke, his tone was anything but humorous. He was genuinely sorry for Pilot.

"Can you help him?" Aeryn asked Steve. "Is Zhaan with him at least?" The thought of Pilot being injured and alone had Aeryn feeling a bit feral to break free of her cell...

“Are you friend or foe?” (For Zhaan)

Zhaan looked up at the young woman from where she sat inside her holding cell, not unlike the one used by Loki years prior. "Given our respective positions on either side of these walls in which I find myself imprisoned, I would say... at present... neither. But there is time yet for misunderstandings to be cleared and injustices to be set right." Her tone was not antagonistic, but it was guarded. She did not appreciate being incarcerated yet again after finally escaping Peacekeeper oppression after a number of years, yet she could hardly blame this woman for that. Still, trust was something that would have to be built.

The wormhole that had facilitated the invasion of New York City was not to be the only such anomaly to occur, it seemed. Another had just been detected, though this time, the results had been far less... dramatic. Something had come through, however. Perhaps several somethings. Both SHIELD and the Department of Defense were still attempting to determine exactly what.

One being had been captured thus far. A Delvian, apparently, by her own admission. No one had any idea what a Delvian was, or what such a being was capable of. For now, she was being contained at the Avengers compound, both because of the unknown level of threat she posed and for biological containment purposes. She could be carrying pathogenic microbes, after all.

Zhaan had been both interested and concerned to discover that she was on the planet Earth. It was John Crichton's home planet. How agonizingly ironic that she should be sent here and not him. Still, it was a planet entirely unfamiliar to her, and for that reason, she had to remain cautious. Although most of the humans who encountered her seemed unwilling to treat her as anything more than a caged pet, an oddity on display, or a test subject to be poked and prodded, there had been a few who had bothered to actually speak with her. Through them, she had learned where she was, at least, but was no closer to being able to gain her freedom.

And now... this young woman had chosen to speak to her. She did not look like the usual soldier or government official that had spoke to her - no, interrogated her - up until this point. That gave Zhaan some hope that perhaps this might be a different sort of interaction. Slowly, she rose from the bench she had been sitting on and walked closer to the glass. If the relative age of Crichton was to be any basis for comparison, this woman looked very young indeed. Then again, all humans were young ones compared to Zhaan. Eighty years... That was about how long Crichton had said the average human lived. Zhaan had already lived ten times that long.

Standing closer to the woman, inasmuch as the glass was still dividing the space between them, Zhaan's polite smile faded into a look of concern. Despite her situation, she was still an empath and a tenth level Pa'u, and for those reasons, she found it impossible to ignore the pain of others... even that of her own captors. "My goodness... There is such a heavy sadness that follows you," Zhaan said, her voice gentle and almost pained, as if she was feeling it too. It felt like... grief to her, but with humans she could never really be sure at first impression. She simply wasn't as familiar with their minds and emotions yet. "Are you alright?"

[linkspooky]

Hakari and Todo: The Next Generation of Jujutsu

While the Culling Game arc may seem like just a bunch of fighting so far, each fight in the Culling Games has actually made use of the fight itself to further characterize both new and pre-existing parallels. There are a lot of callbacks to past fights, and even foiling between the fighters that may have gone unnoticed. So, to outline some of those parallels, here’s a meta on the parallels the story sets up between Kinji Hakari and Aoi Todo, the third years of their respective schools who buck tradition and fight in an entirely new way. 

1. The Next Generation

Both Hakari and Aoi are introduced early on in the manga as star students of their respective schools. Hakari is mentioned in the context of being along with Okkotsu Yuta someone who could match or even surpass Gojo, while Megumi brings up that even as a first Grade Sorcerer Todo was able to defeat a special grade curse single handedly on the hundred demons night. 

Especially in the context of Gojo’s speech, these characters are shown to us as both prodigies, but also as unorthodox practicioners of jujutsu sorcery. It’s mentioned early on that third year Hakari is currently being suspended for a conflict with the higher ups. While Aoi’s formal introduction to the manga is about as eccentric as you can get (attacking Megumi for no reason other than finding him boring), also his first few scenes we see him deliberately disobey the higher ups orders to assassinate Yuji during the goodwill event and instead decide to seek out Yuji and judge his merit on his own. 

Their first meetings to Yuji are even similiar. Rather than agreeing to team up with him right away (even though Todo immediately decides they are best friends) both Hakari and Todo test his mettle in what’s both a physical confrontation and a confrontation of ideals. Todo isn’t the type to go easy on his best friend. Hakari doesn’t want to help Yuji if he’s just there on someone else’s orders and has no motives of his own. 

The reason for their conflict with Yuji is both Hakari and Todo can’t tolerate what they consider to be boring people. Todo’s speech is more of a joke at first, but when Todo is talking about what kind of girl’s your attracted to, and Hakari is talking about the heat, there’s a little bit of an existential meaning in both ideas. Existential in the sense of, thinking about what you live for, what you want out of life, why are you alive? That sounds a bit deep for a series about teenage ghost busters, but what I mean by existentialist in this context is when Todo asks about girls, and Hakari asks about the heat, they are both trying to suss out why exactly their opponent is fighting. I mean how do you spend your days? Do you try to go looking for love? Do you like to gamble and take risk? Those are pursuits that make living something other than just surviving day to day. 

Hakari and Todo are characters who are focused on enjoying their lives, and as a consequence not only do both of them hate boredom, they also look down on people who live simply obeying orders, or who don’t think about the reasons why they’re fighting. After all, when Yuji says some people just want to live peaceful lives, Hakari doesn’t really understand that sentiment, because he goes out seeking risk, and making gambles because to him, that’s where the fun in life lies. 

What angers Hakari into attacking Yuji, isn’t because he came there asking for help, but Hakari’s perception that Yuji didn’t really think things through and is only here on other people’s orders. (Which is actually kind of true). 

He only backs down when he realizes despite the fact that Yuji doesn’t have a motivation of his own, and only follows orders, he’s still an icnredibly determined individual. He doesn’t assume the role of a cog because he’s weak willed, but because he’s trying to take responsibility for what he did in the aftermath of letting Sukuna go and rampage in Shibuya. There’s also the fact that Hakari can notice that Yuji does in fact have a fever, even though currently he says that he has no motivation or a purpose,only to fight curses alongside other jujutsu sorcerers in order to keep the whole machine going. So it’s not like Yuji doesn’t have those reasons, it’s more like he isn’t aware of them, which is exactly what a confrontation with Hakari is there to make him start thinking about. 

What makes Todo and Hakari both unique as sorcerers, is that they completely buck tradition and think for themselves. In doing so, they sort of cultivate lives outside of just being a jujutsu sorcerer. They have hobbies. Todo is obsessed with an idol and constantly brings her up in conversation. Hakari has a girlfriend. He’s had girlfriends in the past.  Hakari loves pachinko, and his entire cursed technique is modeled around it, to the point where several elders tried to kick him out because his cursed technique is new and adaptive rather than traditional. They have lives, outside of being Jujutsu Sorcerers. It makes them the exact opposite of someone like Yuji, who is right now resolved to just keep exorcising curses until he serves out his death sentence. 

Because of this quote, I sometimes joke that Todo is a new age philosopher. The original quote is different, Todo paraphrased.  He adds “However, we are the exception.” It’s a quote from the Tale of Heiki, about how the proud do not endure, and the mighty fall. 

  “The sound of the Gion Shoja temple bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sala flowers reveals the truth that to flourish is to fall. The proud do not endure, like a passing dream on a night in spring; the mighty fall at last, to be no more than dust before the wind.”

By changing the last two sentence and replacing them with however we are the exception, he’s quoting budhism, a religion in which humility is considered a virute, only to turn it into a symbol of his arrogance, stating that sorcerers won’t fall and endure.” [SOURCE BAD SNAKE971 on REDDIT]

Todo and Hakari are extremely proud and indviidualistic people, but their pride allows them to buck tradition and think for themselves, to reinvent the way a sorcerer operates and figure out for themselves why they are fighting rather than blindly following what the elders dictate. It’s a way of defiance in what is a rotten system in which tradition is used as an excuse to control, and even cut short the lives of the youth. 

2. A New Way of Fighting

As I’ve already established both Todo and Hakari represent the change and defiance the young generation brings to the jujutsu system, by being extremely stubborn, proud, but also very different and unorthodox individuals. Their biggest fights in the series are even against similiar opponents. 

Hakari fights a white haired individual with an extremely powerful cursed technique that’s instantly deadly if it hits you, someone who is one of the most deadly sorcerers in the culling game. Also someone who has beef with Sukuna. They are also someone who fights to kill with little regard for human life, and who shows no mercy in Hajime.

Todo fights a white haired individual with an extremely powerful cursed technique that’s instantly deadly if it hits you, someone who is considered  the most deadly curse in the Shibuya battle incident. Also someone who has beef with Sukuna. They are also someone who fights to kill with little regard for human life in Mahito. 

Hakari and Todo even both lose a hand by the end of the conflict. There’s even a lot of similarities in the way they fight, they’re not ultra serious even when they’re fighting for their lives, they both seem to be enjoying themselves and goofing around. Hakari does a michael jackson dance. Todo blows kisses.  Jujutsu society, is relentlessly grimdark where children are constantly fighting just to survive, but Todo and Hakari are not really grimdark individuals.

To make a more serious point though, there’s a certain idea in Jujutsu Society perpetuated by a lot of sorcerers (even by Gojo) that the only way is to have a lot of individual strength and always fight on your own. Gojo even pushes his students to fight alone, that ultimately, you’re only going to have yourself to rely on. His speech to Megumi wasn’t entirely about that, but it’s good to keep in mind that everything Gojo does, he does alone, including carry his burdens as the strongest. He’s been that way since the strongest duo broke up. However, not everything is solved by individual strength, and everything is solved by fighting alone. I bring up the way Todo and Hakari fight as being so different from the way other sorcerers fight, such as Hajime just immediately going for the kill, or say Mechamaru not telling any of the other Kyoto kids about the Shibuya day and deciding to fight all by himself in a last stand against Mahito is because they also buck tradition in one more important way. 

As individualistic, proud, rude, headstrong as these characters can be, oddly enough both Hakari and Todo are team players. Todo is actually an extremely good teacher, and a much better mentor to Yuji because he helped fill in a lot of gaps that Gojo left in his rushed teaching. He immediately realizes the kind of teaching Yuji would respond to, sets up goals that Yuji can reach, and even explains concepts Yuji doesn’t know about in a way he can udnerstand by using real world examples on top of that. 

People skills might seem useless in a world where strength and battle seems often more important, but it’s Todo’s strength lies in his ability to cooperate with others. First, Todo’s cursed technique seems kind of ordinary, the ability to swap when clapping hands, however, when both Yuji and Todo are working in perfect sync with one another it helps them surprise the opponent multiple times in both of the fights they are featured in. Not only that, but Yuji would have never won the fight against Mahito if Todo hadn’t shown up. It wasn’t the fact that Todo is a strong fighter, Yuji’s spirit was utterly broken at that point. 

Todo reaching out and trying to understand Yuji in that moment, was enough for him to give him the words to keep going. Yuji would have lost all motivation, were it not for Todo’s highly developed people skills. While Hakari we haven’t really seen reaching out to others the same extent that Todo did with Yuji, he’s shown to lean a lot more towards cooperation. To begin with we’re told Kin-chan’s fever burns the hottest when he’s helping people at Jujutsu High. 

During his fight with Hajime the unorthodox way that Hakari fights by choosing to take stupid risks, and bet things on luck rather than immediately going for the kill, or winning in a contest of strength, makes Hajime start to have fun, and this is a guy who decided to reincarnate 500 or so years later because in his past life all of his fights were too boring. 

Hakari then promises to help Hajime someone who tried to kill him several times meet Sukuna, and even goes out of his way to return to the mangaka he fought earlier and actually give him advice about his manga. We haven’t seen Hakari use teamwork in a fight to the same extent that Todo does, but despite his selfish nature he’s still clearly interested in other people. His fight ends with him recruiting allies, which puts him more on Yuta’s side of preferring cooperation, rather than Megumi and Yuji who both end their fights either killing their opponents, or with their opponents walking away. 

Suffice to say, there’s a lot more going on underneath the surface of both characters, they’re more than just buff muscle headed weirdoes, and that’s why we love them. Though, we love them for being buff muscle headed weirdoes too.