#the distinct line of hating someone but not wanting to harm them is so real

[mellophase]

oh the scene with yin yu and quan yizhen made me sooooo happy and now im so sad. this book is really yanking me around emotionally.

[marley-manson]

I mentioned something privately that @majorbaby asked me to expand upon so I’m just gonna make a post gathering my thoughts together.

Basically my thoughts on Bless You Hawkeye and what it says about Hawkeye. And note that I don’t apply real world psychology to fictional depictions. I’m coming at this from a strict narrative analysis perspective, I don’t care how trauma works in real life, it’s not relevant to my understanding of a 70s sitcom that loves talking up Freud lol.

So like, I definitely get why there’s extensive fanon about Billy being anywhere from a petty bully to a rapist, but it’s only fanon, and the Billy is an asshole take actively contradicts textual canon. Hawkeye thinks of him fondly, calls him a great guy, presumably knows him to an extent as an adult too since he uses the present tense, and has nothing but good things to say about him.

Hawkeye isn’t uncovering a deep dark secret that changes everything, or for that matter, anything, about his life overall. Billy is presumably a decent guy today who acted like a typical 13 year old boy once and horsed around on a boat too much and was probably afraid to get in trouble so lied about it. There’s nothing that suggests malicious intent, attempted murder, or any other kind of abuse. (Note that the line about looking at magazines with pinup girls in them together is idyllic childhood male bonding in context, I promise you that in a 70s tv show that was not written to imply grooming lol). Billy’s fine, and Hawkeye’s pretty much fine.

This episode isn’t a revelation that Hawkeye was abused or suffered greatly as a child. The focus of this episode is on how Hawkeye reacted emotionally to a betrayal, not on how the betrayal affected him - because it doesn’t, particularly. It’s a subtle but important distinction.

I’m not saying it can’t still be traumatic, and it clearly is to some extent. I mean it was a near death experience, and the psychosomatic effect of partially remembering is debilitating for a couple days. But like, the extent of Hawkeye’s actual trauma is mild, lbr. Hawkeye has a neat little breakthrough and he’s cured and makes jokes about it at the next poker game. No lasting effect, no follow-up sessions, no grand revelation about how it could have affected Hawkeye as a person growing up. And I know this is an episodic sitcom lol so I wouldn’t expect it to be followed up on in later episodes, but it’s not even implied to have further reaching effects the way, say, Hawkeye’s ongoing trauma is implied in Hawk’s Nightmare, or the lingering effects of his breakdown are shown in GFA. They could’ve easily given Sidney a line about coming back a week later for a check-up, have him mention that while the psychosomatic effects are cured by remembering, it’s still something to work through in the future. Or Sidney could’ve just... suggested that it had an impact. “Maybe that’s why you do/feel/think X.” But no, Hawkeye is cured by remembering, the end.

Honestly I think this is a flaw of the episode lol, I’ve read an interview about Alda and the writers working to try to make it less ‘pat’ and I’m not sure how successful they were. It’s clear they wanted to write a Hawkeye story about the psychosomatic effect of a buried memory, probably in part to help set up GFA, and it kind of ends up standing out like an awkward sore thumb due to being so episodic and self-contained. It’s dramatic enough that it feels like it should have more of an impact on our understanding of Hawkeye at the very least, but it just doesn’t go there.

This is why I like to apply it to Hawkeye’s relationships with the army volunteers lol, to try to impart that sense of weight that’s missing from the content of the episode itself. Hawkeye wants to say he hates someone for harming him, but he can’t because he loves them. He thanks them for saving his life while ignoring and burying the fact that they’re the one who nearly killed him in the first place. I mean, is that not a perfect description of his relationship with the army volunteers, in the alternate version of late Mash that acknowledges how fucked up the military is?

That’s just my headcanon of course. But hey, like I mentioned, at the very least Bless You Hawkeye is still a statement on Hawkeye’s character. It’s not a revelatory statement, it doesn’t change our understanding of his character or relationships, and it doesn’t foreshadow any future relationship drama (unless you really want to stretch it and apply this to BJ’s evil pranks lol, but I doubt very much that’s deliberate). But it’s a good summary of the kind of guy we already know Hawkeye is: someone who sees the best in the people he loves, and prioritizes that love over hate.

Basically I guess my point is that Bless You Hawkeye is actually a relatively shallow episode that doesn’t justify the amount of drama it aims for lol, and it in no way suggests that childhood trauma has shaped Hawkeye’s life, personality, or character at all, but his reaction to that trauma reflects his character well and it’s a good, solid statement on who he is as a person.

[caparrucia]

i don't think people truly care about morality in fiction. people use "morality" as an start drama and discourse and harassment campaigns because they're so bored with their lives they have nothing to do. by using the morality excuse, they shift all blame to the people they're trying to other and not them. because these same people who scream about morality in fiction are also the people who also drawn-up long-ass excuses about why they support a something (totally not financially of course!) made by actual known bigots who spew hateful shit about real groups of people and actively try to harm real life society. they'll whine about how a piece of media is toxic and disgusting, but when presented with a piece of media that isn't so, they find reasons to make it problematic (even something as stupid as an author liking a tweet made by some guy who got cancelled 7 years ago for making shitty mario porn) so that way they feel good about hating it.

nobody cares about having a discussion about morality in fiction and how it reflects or affects or real world. people just want an excuse to be horrible people for the sake of it.

So, I don't think you're wrong, necessarily, in so far as yeah, none of these conversations about morality in media are being had in good faith, because a lot of people don't even know what a good faith conversation about morality in media even looks like.

Spoilers: it's not about "this thing shouldn't exist and we should make it so people do not create things like this, by force if necessary." It's more along the lines of "what kind of commentary and reception will encourage better ethics in media production" and "is there anything worthwhile to discuss about any given work, is the transgresiveness of the morality within meant to say something, or is it really just not that deep, bro."

Notice the distinct lack of "THIS SHOULDN'T EXIST" and "YOUR MEDIA CREATION/CONSUMPTION DEFINES YOUR MORAL CHARACTER" and trying to litigate the concept of "GOOD PERSON." Because all of those are dog whistles for anti-intellectualism and pro-censorship tendencies that are prime to be radicalized into something... well. Radical.

My thing is, genuinely, dipping into the ad hominem is cathartic but not particularly useful. And yeah, accusing them of doing what they're doing out of boredom is, in fact, ad hominem. Because that automatically changes the discussion back to the whole "NO, I AM NOT A BAD PERSON, I AM IN FACT A GOOD PERSON, THEREFORE EVERYTHING I DO IS GOOD BY DEFAULT" track of circular argument that ultimately devolves into thought crime.

It doesn't matter why they're doing it. What they're doing is wrong and harmful, and the way to put a hard stop on it, is to not engage with it. Because engaging on their level, engaging on theorizing about "why" is inadvertently affirming the validity of their viewpoint. It's tacitly acknowledging that if there's a good reason for it, the tactics themselves can be used. I think that's incorrect. The tactics are deplorable, regardless of what objective one argues they're working towards.

I've had conversations about this with a friend, where they educated me on a lot of the nuance about depictions of torture in fiction. And how the concept of "torture bad" is inherently diminished when your fiction also portrays "torture works" unironically right next to it, because it legitimizes torture as a thing that gets results, even though it is scientifically proven that it doesn't. But in the attempt to characterize the bad guys as bad and immoral, many writers use torture as synecdoche, where torture ends up being bad because it's used by the bad guys, not because torture itself is pointless cruelty weaponized stupidly.

And I feel the same way about the playbook of derailment and plain old bad faith engagement with media and morality. It doesn't matter why people are engaging in it, I don't think. Maybe individual cases, when you know someone who's falling into the funnel and you're trying to reach out and try to get them away from that edge. But in general? It doesn't matter. You're causing harm, and from a harm reduction perspective, what matters is figuring out an effective way to stop them.

This is also how I engage with other radicalized, discourse poisoned bigotry champions, like T*RFs. There's nothing inherently valuable in their ideology or their methodology, so the best thing you can do is de-platform it, as aggressively as possible. Because even just spreading it in order to dunk on it is just causing splash damage on people around you. And it might sound dramatic, but given how much of the rhetoric on faux media criticism revolves around horrific abuse being commodified for internet discourse points, and given the fact abuse is generally under reported and abuse victims are often around us, keeping their status to themselves for their own safety... yeah, it is harmful to spread even for the fun snarking.

I'm big on harm reduction. I look at problems and conflicts and I try to go for whichever option, at the time, I believe is going to cause the least harm possible. I also really don't believe in giving power to structures that are known to abuse it, because I belong to quite a few groups that have been historically the first ones to get shat on as soon as those shiny new powers are abused. And they will always be abused. I understand that is a frustrating POV for a lot of people, because I'm always of the naysayers that keeps trying to figure out how rules made in good faith will be abused in bad faith, but I've been on the internet for 25 years and I've done moderation work often enough, both IRL and online, that I consider that to be just basic politics.

Don't give the dude who wants to shiv you a knife, no matter how much he promises he's not going to use it on you.

[supertunanana]

I’ve debated writing this for a while, because who wants to read my inane thoughts on the matter? What are my opinions really worth in the grand scheme of things? I’m not so self important to think this will be of any value. But, I’m an extroverted thinker, so this might help my brain finally shut up, and that’s worth something to me. 

The hypocrisy surrounding Jikook. 

Are they a couple? Maybe. I legitimately don’t know. I don’t default into thinking they’re straight. I don’t default into thinking they’re gay. Every member is a blob, sexually, until they define themselves one way or another. Because honestly, I don’t care. That’s between them and their potential paramours. There’s nothing wrong with either option, heck there’s nothing wrong with both or none. Live a life, man... good luck! 

And I have no problems with shipping, to the extent it is done in a sane way and fans do not impose their ships onto the actual people. What I mean is, if you think Tae and JK look good together and you want to read stories or draw art of them as a couple and you want to explore their dynamic, you do you. However, it crosses a line when fans get mad when real people or real situations do not adhere to their fantasy. When they contradict footage and quotes and the feelings of those involved because it doesn’t fit into their little shipping box, that’s when it’s a problem. Be realistic. Have distinct lines between fantasy and reality, between what you might like and what is actually happening. 

It is this reason, that I think shipping generally innocuous and indicative of the shipper more than the celebrity, that I also don’t think the celebrities in question need to be defended against shipping. Because  if it is distinctly fantasy, then unless they express an opinion on the matter, most celebrities don’t really seem to know about it or care. It’s harmless. That defense, those hackles raised, again say more about the fans than the celebrities. When Xiao Zhan’s (XZ) fans got pissed off that some fanfic writer was portraying him as trans, XZ never weighed in on it. It wasn’t until those fans, in DEFENSE of their idol reported the writer and those of their ilk to the censors in China and got AO3 blocked on Chinese internet, that’s when XZ stepped in. And not to thank his fans for defending him, but to apologize to all the innocent Chinese fanfic writers who lost their work and their sanctuary because a handful of his fans had gotten the site banned. Again, the problem here was fans imposing their own beliefs on the celebrity, in this case thinking he would be upset by this and thus needed to be defended. They ended up causing more harm than good.

So the crux of this, what’s been kicking about in my brain, was the need for the fandom to “defend” JK from “shippers” the day after “hickey gate” and why these things only ever seem to focus on Jikook moments.

First off, “hickey gate” stemmed from footage that was a full, editorial choice to be shared on the part of Hybe and BTS. It was behind the scenes, closed set, pandemic lockdown footage edited together and released as official content, not some concert fancam or paparazzo on the street catching a private moment. They chose to leave in both Jimin and Jungkook on TWO occasions addressing the bruise/bite/hickey on JK’s neck, with the source being attributed to Jimin both times. Thus, people discussing this after the fact is a natural biproduct of it being shared. Is it even “shipping” when we are given the footage and the explanation? Is it not just a strange fact? This isn’t someone superimposing a fantasy onto them. This is the boys flat out saying Jimin bit JK and left a mark on his neck. I get debate over whether it was a bite or a hickey might lend itself more to “shipping”, with the latter being more shippy, but seriously, just looking at it would make anyone to question whether the BRUISE was more a hickey than a bite mark. What it says about the nature of their relationship is a whole other animal, but the fact is, it happened. And people are going to have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about this. And that’s obviously something Hybe/BTS were ok with to share it in the first place (seriously, we would have never known, we DIDN’T even have a whiff of this until they put the whole thing on the DVD, so they were obviously OK with this leading to speculation, because how can a member saying they BIT another on the neck not?). All the content we are given of the boys snuggling, biting, ear sucking, tenderly addressing each other, etc.. is mostly a choice. And that choice will lead to questions and debates, and they’re obviously ok with it. It’s not wrong for people to be like, “huh” when they do questionable things and choose to give us said content about the questionable things. 

But, there always seems to be this backlash when it’s Jikook. We have to “defend” JK, a fully grown man, who brought up the bite himself on camera from people talking about the bite as he himself said it was given to him. No backlash to people saying Jimin claimed doing it to cover up JK’s secret girlfriend (uhhh, when homosexuality is a no-go in SK, that seems a weird choice, but sure, ok.... like just cut it from the footage and slap some make up on like they do during the concert, since none of us noticed it then, and move on if you want to cover it up). But that’s allowed supposition despite having NO EVIDENCE to support it. And what we are TOLD actually happened is not ok and “shipping”?!? 

Worse, when days later some innocuous “TAE AND JK WERE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER OMG! THEY’RE IN LOVE” trends, where is the “save JK from shipping” rhetoric? That is CLEARLY shipping. I’m not saying Jikook shippers don’t do this, too, they do. And I laugh and shake my head at every little thing being dissected and offered as “proof”, but there always seems to be this backlash when it’s Jikook. ESPECIALLY when it’s undeniably... different. Neck biting. Ear sucking. “with JK at 4 a.m.” when they found out Dynamite got number one. Golden Closet Tokyo. These things are facts. Again, they’re... weird facts that do lead me to raise an eyebrow a lot, but they are facts and they were shared by the members as facts. I don’t think it’s necessarily shipping to think weird facts are weird and may lead to conclusions that don’t adhere to the THEY ARE ALL INHERENTLY STRAIGHT manifesto so many fans seem to have (and I think “straight until proven otherwise” is a shitty perspective anyone could have in any walk of life and again speaks to inherent or unconscious heteronormative perceptions in society - hurray -_-). 

But even the dumb shippy stuff that ALL other combos have, is always an ISSUE when done by Jikook. Their bond or interactions are downplayed by major accounts. They’re an outlier. Some shippers even try to make it out like they hate each other (whaaa? HOW?!?!).  Any odd interaction that really is just odd is deemed “shipping” and cast off into the no-no void, where it’s WRONG if you side-eye it. And I know WHY. I know it’s because they ARE different and they do do stuff people just don’t want to look too closely at because it makes them uncomfortable, so it’s easier to just deem it all “other” and “crazy supposition” and get rid of it. But it’s frustrating when it’s legit and it’s stuff they’re choosing to show and give us. It’s frustrating to be told you’re not allowed to go “huh, weird” because now you’re just a crazy shipper. 

And again, I’m NOT saying Jimin and JK are in a relationship, because again, IDK, but I’m also not saying they're NOT either. I’m going to keep side eyeing the fuck out of some of the stuff they do and just enjoy that they are 100% each other’s person in the interim. And if that makes me a crazy shipper, then I guess that’s what I am. 

[kaypeace21]

The theme with “time” this season makes me think of the phrase, “wanting to turn back the clock.” And I then think of Will never wanting to grow up and wanting to go back to the old days of playing dnd in Mike’s basement.

And then I think of Will’s (speculated) reality altering bending powers. So could there be a possibility that Will may use those powers to “turn back the clock”?? Maybe rewrite how things happened? Maybe it would be after Mike’s “death” like you speculated earlier. Since he thinks Mike is “dead” he wants to go back, and that’s what he does accidentally.

ALSO, Hopper tells joyce that he was trying to runaway from his "past" trauma with sara- before he says that line in the letter about wanting to turn back the clock and then saying it's not possible to do so . (And that life life hurts you but eventually you get out of that cave and life goes on ). Similar to Will he wants to turn back the clock to better times, but a part of him isn't ready to accept his entire past/ the tra*uma that comes with that- in order to move on and heal for the future .

Like robin said about back to the future "he's stuck in the past .But he needs to get back to his time which is the future!"

HOWEVER- I DON’T THINK THERE’S ANY REAL TIME TRAVEL!!!!

I’ve mentioned  my time-theory many many many times- in relation to my DID theory.  even if my did theory is completely wrong (aka Will has powers so his alters/split personalities/innerworlds come to life)- 

We also see how memories are explored in a supernatural way in st - it’s not literal timetravel just El using her powers to explore tra*matic memories of others (Terry/Billy so far). Like NO TIME TRAVEL PLEASE-THAT’S JUMPING THE SHARK. I really don’t want it lol. XD I think hopper and Robin's lines allude to the theme that will be addressed: confronting the past/times that harmed you but overcoming it for the future because time goes on 'whether you like it or not '.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In reference to my time-did theory. Look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come”  a guy explores a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions/created via immagination.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of  kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’.  Welcome to marwen- has an artist (attacked for being perceived as gay) imagining an abstract world based off his art- where the characters he made experience their own adventures (loosely based off the artist’s trauma). ‘The cell ‘ has characters explore the mind of a guy whose father ab*sed him- and the different alternative fantasy-worlds they explore are based off his memories. The cop exploring these memory-worlds, was also implied to be se*ually ab*sed by his dad . Also,in  Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind ( the guy who created the dream worlds that are like alternate dimensions/levels- also hates his dad). And leo’s character says he needs to help him escape the many different levels of the dream world of the mind. Movies like inception, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, the labyrinth,and welcome to marwen, all allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears. While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real. While in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper/el realizing they’re alters of Will’s-and their memories were technically created by him.

Something some DiD suffers have are “innerworlds” .When someone has DID there can be multiple “innerworlds” that are separate from one another (and look very different from one another) .And are usually very abstract worlds that are based on the child’s memories (good &bad) . These worlds are usually created at different times and almost act like alternate dimensions (and the inhabitants -npcs/alters of those worlds usually don’t interact with one another) . So they can almost resemble alternate dimensions like how Scott Clarke mentions “Hugh Everett’s many worlds interpretation.” Russia where Hopper is- is probably one of those innerworlds.

HOPPER THEORY: 

tw:ab*se/r*pe. In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners  r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the American soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand (like the mf/russian), slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is flashbacks of his life-  hints about him being an alter -the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see).or after escaping the prison he’s stuck in diff innerworlds of memories. And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in  the s4 film ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of the west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas).Or in ‘the cell’- all the alternate dimensions of the dream world that were created by a guy with a ab*sive h*mophobic dad -had the same actor play the villain in each very different dream dimension. ”Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life.  

Also, in  s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy (William) Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. (time ref of Hopper saying he wants to ‘turn back the clock.’ or’ runaway from his memories.‘It accounts of Billy Pilgrim’s capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II (Hopper captured by the russians), and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy’s life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians  (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and his memories are technically ‘created’ . Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage,  his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” We also have ‘Arrival’ -the parent’s daughter died young cause of terminal cancer- and the mother later realizes time is also just a abstract construct (a thing she can experience differently than others), but she still finds meaning/happiness in those memories/times.

I also talked about how sarah as an alter could come back and the 2 would explore the “innerworlds” of Will’s mind together (you can read the details there). 

El and Will theory 

I’m thinking of the s4 movies and 1 matrix scene comes to mind that could be an obvious hint to Did (and Will’s importance). Mr smith (the suited calm villain/ who is a literal computer program of the matrix world -cough alter/npc of Will’s) kidnaps/ ties up Morpheus to a chair (like Will in s2), injects him with drugs in the neck ( like s3 steve/ will’s arm in s2).  Then Mr smith says as everyone leaves the room “I’m going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this prison, this reality or what you call it.” (grabs Morpheus’ head and glares) “ I need to get out of here! I need to be free! And this mind is the key.”(referring to morpheus).morpheus also translates to ‘god of dreams’. Also Morpheus was wearing head gear similar to El in s1/Will in s2 . or in 12 monkeys the guy sent to psych ward -starts believing he’s just “crazy” and says “i created a world with those people in it.” “It’s not real .I’m just mentally ill, like you said ” when you know- it is all real,cause of the supernatural angle involved. in 12 monkeys a patient even tells him the fictional world he created would dissappear once his mental health was in order.

Then there’s the El stuff.  Hellraiser 2- has a normal psych hospital, but the basement floor has an evil psychiatrist experimenting on teens to open a portal to another reality. assasains creed/dream warriors -  has the psychiatric facility be similar to the s1 lab with sensory deprivation tanks, cameras, solitary confinement in dark rooms.The doctor experiments on them- and forces a character to go into the memories of another individual (we know El has memory powers).The dr reveals how the character’s reality/whole life isn’t what they think it is (and that the memories they saw with their powers-was their past life and they are that person’s reincarnation) . Aka Will is the host- and El is an alter (alters can see memories of other alters/the host irl-aka billy/terry were also alters ).

In assasain’s creed there’s 2 psychiatrists- one bad / one who is good (but influenced by the bad dr). One dr annoyed at the lack of progress, says about the patient “he doesn’t want to remember his father.” While one dr doesn’t want to rush the therapy/ the other dr wants the patient to go back into his memories regardless of how it affects him. (which could be Brenner & maybe Owens referring to Will’s dissociative-amnesia and not remembering all the ab*se Lonnie did. And Owens not wanting to rush it/hurt el by making her go into said memories …but Brenner not caring.

also other hints : Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz refs “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore”-hint at russia. David on instagram posting st stuff and captioning it with and quotes, pretending to be dorothy from the film. Hopper in s1 saying hawkins lab was “emerald city” (referencing El- it’s also why they reference El entering our world in ep 1 and the alice in wonderland song plays) . Murray says about the supernatural “no one wants to see behind the curtain” (what was behind the curtain in wizard of oz-was a wizard aka Will). Or you know right before Will sees the mf for the first time -a clock turns rapidly/ he  has goosbumps at the back of his neck. Which he later grabs/states  are from “memories” he can’t remember that are like a “dream”. 

If i’m right-not sure how much of this may happen in s4 vs s5, though. But I think something like this is possible.  For all we know-Will/El being trapped with Brenner while Hopper escapes ‘russia’ could be how the season ends? The timeline i’m a bit iffy about-tbh.

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

A sharp knife and a broken heart (TUA)

Hi y’all 

with the new season on the way i thought i should re watch the first season and finish my little deep dive on the characters so far I have done Grace, Number 5 and Alison  I have focused on one aspect of the characters and expanded that to show how it shapes and even evolves over the season.

today i will be looking at my fav knife wielding mama’s boy, Diego.

[note I did not finish this one and I can’t find the strength too, so I’ll post the draft, so whatever]  

I have touched on Diego in another post, here! basically this post was about the time line of events that lead up to and after the funeral. to summaries, Diego was the first to the house after hearing that their ‘father’ died, and then covered up for his mom before everyone even got to the house. now that is just a logistic’s post.

what i am looking at today, is the main or at least one of the main parts of his character. A deep dive into one thing, I will be looking at Diego’s broken heart.    

now its no secret that Diego feels and cares more then he lets on (especially with Luther but i will get to that). 

lets lay out what we know about Diego 

1- he was the first to leave 

2- he was a cop

3- he was and still is the only one still in the ‘hero’ game

4- he loves Grace more then anyone else

1- he was the first to leave 

now on the first point, he leaves when he is about (what i assume) is 16-17 basically a short time after Ben died. As Diego was one of the first to not take their “fathers” bullshit (5 was the first and got stuck in dooms day prison) 

but i think, both of these events shaped the man he is in more ways then one.

when 5 is gone Hargreeves can “pass it off” as 5′s fault like making him an Icarus tale for the rest of them, and since they where still prepubescent (12-13) they were more incline to believe him. also in ep 2 (run boy run) this scene shows that none of the kids (other than 5) were willing to stand up to Hargreaves and the way he runs things. they all follow the rules and then 5 disobeys and then he is gone. So if that doesn't put the fear of god into then what would.

but i think this was different for Diego I think is when he started to understand that their father didn’t care about them at all. I think he suspected but this was the first sign of the cracks forming.  so he stepped away from his ‘father’ and went towards his mother, as shown in this scene here

gif link

Diego feelings about grace are very sweet and shown really well in the show. and it says a lot about Diego that he does not see her as a ‘robot’ but as mom. i would say that it is very likely that Diego was the first to call her that, and the last, (ouch i hurt my own feelings). moving back to the point. Diego feels very deeply but about a few people his family (not Hargreaves tho) and Patch, and that’s it. but what his is willing to do for others is pretty amazing (but more on that later).

now we don’t know much about Ben in tua but (and i am going off the comic description as well) he was said to be the kindest and most gentle of all the siblings. so basically he was a good/nice person (or at least the best of them, or on how they would measure it anyway). 

so when Ben died that was the last straw for Diego, my money is on that Hargreeves tried to pull the same thing he pulled with 5, by making it seem like it was Ben’s own fault for being weak and soft. And that was Diego fully understood how little he cared about all of them and so even tho he would not see Grace (which i believe was the only reason he stuck around so long). that trick was not going to work twice so he left.

because if someone as good as Ben meant nothing then what was is he.

2- He was a cop  

now the biggest part about this is two fold 

1- he still wanted to help people he just wanted to do it another way to Hargreeves way.

2- when he realised how little good he was doing and how corrupt the whole thing was so he walked away and started doing things his own way.

the fact he wanted to be cop (and went through training for it) shows that Diego truly wanted to make it on his own. he did not want special treatment and wanted to prove to himself and everyone else he could stand on his own two feet.

now we are not sure of the exact reason why he left the force but it is suggested that he could not stand how little justice and results was actually getting done, however i think there is another factor.

Vanya’s book. this exposed Diego to everyone around him so everything he did for years to prove himself was undermined in just one whole day. But he didn’t give up he still helped people and did whatever he could to protect people from harm.

3- he was and still is the only one still in the ‘hero’ game

we know that he was still very much involved with the vigilantly thing. and the only on who is. So despite is hate and anger towards Hargreeves (and Luther to a degree) he still believes in the ‘mission’ of The Umbrella Academy, at least the part about saving people. he is very dedicated to this, to the point that his whole life revolves around it, with 

1- his living situation / employment are at the same place and he would also train there. 

2-  has no real relationship other then the one he has/had with patch (and grace, but i will come back to that)

3- he literally wears nothing else other then his hero suit.

now why would he keep up fighting like this, what is the motivator, i think its two fold.

1- he wants to prove Hargreeves wrong.

he was number 2, second best and second rate (to Hargreeves anyway), and he cared about people more then the ‘mission’ so my money is on Diego ‘letting’ some bad guys go in favour of saving the public or his family. Hargreeves saw that as weakness and “you can’t save the world by helping one person” type thinking on Hargreeves part (cause he is a dick).

so in other words Hargreeves always thinks of the bigger picture the number 1 priorities (much like Luther to a point) but Diego looks at the ‘little’ picture, like family’s, peoples lives and actual justice for people who are suffering/in danger.

so when he does leave he makes a point to still be a hero but does the opposite of what Hargreeves wanted for him which was to ‘save the world.’

So Diego decided to save individual peoples worlds instead.     

2- he never wants any other family to lose ‘their’ Ben 

I think a key driver for all of the siblings was Ben’s death (as is canon), But in Diego it hit home that a family can be broken by losing a single piece of it. and Ben’s death really broke his heart in a way that he would not wish it on anyone and would do everything in he power to prevent. his first line in the series is “Your family is safe now” 

we don’t know who he is addressing with this statement as the family is to close together, and we don’t see his face when he says it. But (and i am reaching here) I think he said it mostly for his own benefit, as this is a family he could save unlike his own. 

and i think he uses and carriers that pain to make sure no one else has to feel it.

4- he loves Grace more then anyone else 

now this is somewhat obvious, but i wanted to break it down more.

1- like i said before i believe he was the first and the last person to call her Mom 

2- he makes an effort to truly understand her (asking her if when she talks is it like Hargreeves telling her things and if she was angry with Hargreeves) 

3- treats and sees her as a real person (not wanting her shut down, validating her feelings)

4- he covered up a murder for her (or what he thought was one) cause he knows if anyone deserved to die it was his ‘father’ and Grace was the one who deserved to do it ( “he treated you worse then anyone” line for example) .

5- when he saw she was broken beyond repair (or when he thought it was) he shut her down to save her anymore pain.

6- when she wanted to leave his response after asking a question was “you can do whatever you want Mom”   

now all of this paints a distinctive picture about Diego. But the question still somewhat remains, Why does he love her so much? and Why does he care and devotes so much of himself to her?  now Grace is an great mom as I covered in her deep dive so look at that for more, but lets focus on Diego.

[sukumen]

sorry if this is a loaded question, ofc you don’t need to answer! what’s your take on the argument that dark content is harmful to reality, and that it romanticises traumas? personally i like reading some dc, but when i see posts about how it’s harmful to both survivors and readers (smth to do with psychologically normalising it) it kinda makes me feel guilty, like i’m doing something wrong? when i know i can distinguish between fiction and reality?

hey! so i’m going to keep this under a read more to avoid upsetting anyone - also because this is literally - and i mean, literally - an essay LMAO. i had a lot to say!

any anon hate will be deleted and blocked, but you’re free to engage me off anon (and kindly on anon) if you want to! anon, you’re also free to come chat with me in dms if you want to speak more freely about this :) 

warning for rape mentions, murder / mass murder mentions, dub / noncon mentions.

so, i want to preface this by saying that i don’t think that anyone is obligated to like or be comfortable with dark content. it truly is your prerogative not to be interested in it and you are valid if it makes you feel uncomfortable. so nothing i’m saying here is to convince people that anyone should like it or is wrong for not liking it.

but i don’t agree with the argument that people should be shamed for liking or writing it, that it romanticizes trauma, etc. i understand why people feel that way 100%, but i don’t agree.

sometimes, it feels arbitrary. “dark content” has become a pseudonym for dub/non-con fic, but is the the only type of dark content there is? dark stories can include murder, horror, gore, etc. yet, despite us knowing that murder (for example) is a crime and morally wrong, most people don’t bat an eye when a chara in a fic does it and is still protrayed as attractive or is the reader’s lover. we go crazy for mafia aus where characters kill and show power --- we love those characters, those scenes where they kill and go take their lover all covered in blood. i mean, even in the jjk fandom, one of the most popular characters is a cursed spirit whose first words in the series are about massacring women and children. and we love him. more than that, we love the gory, arguably dark world he comes from - we hypothesize about these characters, we sympathize with them, and we lust over them.

so it’s hard to reconcile that with telling fans who write dub/noncon that they are impacting people’s sense of reality. we’re all experiencing this series together - if written fan fiction is what desensitizes morality, what about the images from the anime and manga? would we make the same argument for banning it? would we say that the people who like sukuna are romanticizing mass violence or that gege is normalizing it for us psychologically by making the character who does it hot and engaging or showing/referencing it so much in the manga?

i just don’t think we would. i think we all understand that those things are wrong and like him knowing that, and can readily say he’s a villain or that the things we’re seeing is wrong. so, i don’t think there’s a black-and-white argument that seeing x in media will make you think y is a-okay or make you more comfortable with it in real life.

i do get that there’s a difference here: a big part of this argument is the sexual aspect of non/dubcon - it’s hard to feel like it’s not normalizing rape when people find a scenario like that hot (whereas no one is like...lewding a mass murder scene, haha). but i think that, at the end of the day, brains do what brains do and people just have dark fantasies. like it’s really as simple as that. rape fantasies in particular are common and talked about by psychologists all the time and i have never been able to find a common thread of them condemning people having them or even writing about them. what they DO talk about is the fact that consent is actually key to the fantasy - that the person fantasizing is the person controlling the situation, that the fantasy, despite being “dub/noncon”, is inherently exactly what they want because THEY are creating the situation, and that, in the end, it’s the absence of actual danger that makes it. ultimately: there is a difference between real life rape and an imagined fantasy or roleplay. so much so that it might not even be fair to call them “rape” fantasies at all.

“It’s crucial to recognize that real-life rape is anything but erotic for a woman. Being at the mercy of someone who’s so outrageously violating your will, holding you down, threatening you with bodily harm (or even death), and physically forcing himself upon you induces arousal all right. But not that of sexuality, but of utterly petrifying anxiety and panic. Contrast this to most imagined rape scenes, which are so electrifying precisely because they’re expressly designed by their female creator to stimulate the illusion of danger—which can, in fact, be positively arousing.”

>  from this article.

to me, this is ultimately what dub/noncon fic is. people writing out those fantasies for people who share those fantasies to process those fantasies.

you can make the argument that that it’s harmful to survivors, but that has its own issues when doctors have reported that some survivors have rape fantasies or find comfort in acting out those rape fantasies (and writing, in my opinion, is a form of acting that out). like are they not valid victims because they are contextualizing their trauma into something that they can control and can process on their own terms? i think the issue there is that the argument uses survivors as a monolith to make an argument on their behalf; but every individual survivor is valid in what they think about this because no two survivors process what happened to them in the same way.

i myself am a survivor and have no real issue with dark content (obviously). i don’t read it often and only write it now because of sukuna; but when i do read it, i draw the line at certain things because i personally cannot stomach it. but would i demand that person delete it from existence because of that? no, i wouldn’t. because again, at the end of the day, that’s the entire basis of the fantasy. i control what i’m fantasizing about, and if something that i do not want to happen to “me” as the reader occurs, i do not read it. i don’t consent to that experience or that fantasy, so i stay away. but at the same time, that other person’s fantasy isn’t mine to control or infringe on and it doesn’t make me a better person than them for not sharing the fantasy.

SO ALL OF THIS TO SAAAY: i don’t think you should feel bad for enjoying dark content. i don’t think the argument about whether or not you’ll know how wrong it is in real life anymore really applies because you could make the claim that any type of fiction runs the risk of distorting people’s perception of reality and making them desensitized to something. and i don’t think that’s what people’s struggle with this is. 

what it boils down to, to me, is that people can’t understand why anyone would find dub/noncon arousing, and think that they condone rape because of it. which, again, is understandable. rape is a horrible fucking thing to experience - it isn’t sexy, it isn’t hot, it isn’t arousing and it’s hard to see any nuance when you see “noncon” and “wow this was so hot” in one post. but based on the way psychologists talk about “rape” fantasies, i think the two things (the fantasy and the real life act of violence) can typically be distinct for people, even survivors, and it just comes down to whether or not it’s a fantasy you share. if you don’t, completely your right! block the tags, block the writers, do whatever you have to do to protect your peace and your limits! but the discourse about it always seems to go into the realm of shame or arguments about someone’s moral compass, which i think is unfair. 

hopefully this helps and wasn't an annoying thing to read! like i said, don’t mind talking about it more if need be!

[xiaoquanquans]

at my disposal

sypnosis : y/n and chishiya became allies after y/n had saved chishiya from getting killed in a game of tag . they helped each other stay alive in the borderlands while also collecting all the needed cards to return back to the real world . after following chishiya around religiously , y/n had fallen hard for chishiya and he had explained to her that he did not care for her and would do anything to keep himself alive . all the remaining players had split out to collect the face cards . y/n and chishiya were focusing on completing the diamond cards . but chishiya did what he had to survive .

tw warnings : swearing , manipulation , death , betrayal , mentions of alcohol , self harm , blood , depression ( do not read if you somehow relate to the tw’s , i genuinely care okay ? take care of yourself bby 🖤 )

notices :

• MANGA SPOILERS!!

• mixed pov’s

• the game announcer speaks in bold and sly remarks or important sentences are written in italic

• lowercase

• this ff might be a bit confusing , because it’s a knowledge diamond based game

• chishiya’s true nature / canon chishiya

• gender neutral reader

• not proof-read

—

the game that we will be playing is the keynesian beauty contest . difficulty K♦️. henceforth, the rules shall be explained . within one minute all of you will pick a number from 0 to 100 . after everyone has entered their numbers , an average number will be taken from the addition of the numbers of all the 5 players . the player that has the closest number to the average number will be the winner and earn one point.

here we were , all five of us facing each other at this pentagon shaped table awaiting for our deaths . the rules were simple , win or die .

if you get an answer wrong you’ll receive -1 point. it’s game over for those who reach -10 points.

kuzuryuu keiichi , the third highest executive at the Beach was directly facing me , chishiya was to my left and an additional two players as well .

benzo, an wise old man and hinako a snobby looking woman .

upon heading the rules it was obvious that only one of us would make it out alive . i wished that i had known that before entering the courthouse .

i turned to face chishiya only to see him sneering at keiichi.

only one player will make it out alive .

-

chishiya

why was he so special to me , so intriguing .

i was the one who saved him but for some reason i’m also the one following him around .

i was a smart person , i figured it out quick .

it was obvious to me that i was in love with him , and he noticed it as well .

one day , we were both hanging around the poolside of the Beach far away from each other when we exchanged glances .

not long after he made his way towards me and pulled me aside .

he stared me blankly into my eyes , no emotion portrayed through them . listen , i’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me and it’s genuinely really annoying but you have to know .

i do not like you , i don’t want to like you and i never will . if we were in a bad situation i would not hesitate to sacrifice you to safe myself . i would use you at my disposal if i had to so stop giving me those looks , you should know that i hate them and i do not care about you .

after that day , we rarely exchanged words . but for some reason i still kept following him around . he was cold to everyone else , i wasn’t anyone special . but god forbid him , he was just so unique to me . he couldn’t keep me away from him and his god complex even if he wanted to .

-

before i could speak up i was quickly outspoken by keiichi .

“ you’ve all heard the rules . if you have no further questions we will continue and start the game. ”

chishiya snickered. he knew that it was going to be him . he knew that he was clever and he showcased that every chance he could .

he knew he would be the one to walk away from the court with the card in his hand . the K of diamonds would just merely be another addition to his substantial stack of cards that he had collected or as some might say , stole .

the first few rounds had passed and everyone had gotten the hang of the game . it was simple to everyone in the room . all you had to do was get the calculations right in the time limit of 5 minutes .

hinako spoke up , “ so this game , is merely a deduction of how far the opponents can calculate? ”

i let out a quiet laugh , everyone had already registered that after the first round and here she was only figuring it out now .

you made a bet with yourself , she’d be the first one out , if not the second .

“ but what we’re reading isn’t mentality but rationality . ” chishiya replied .

after a few rounds the tables weren’t turning , keiichi had been winning every round because of his solid strategy of everyone keying in either 0 or 1 . someone had to do something or else we’d all lose to him .

so i realised i had to change it up a bit .

i quickly inputted the number 100

it took everyone by surprise , i knew i had no chance of winning because 100 was definitely too far from the average but i inspired the rest to take part in what i was doing while also taking away keiichi’s advantage.

a few more rounds passed and both Benzo and Hinako had reached -9 points . I was on -7 and Chishiya was on -8 . Keiichi was leading with -4 points .

Both Benzo and Hinako were one point away from death , so they had to be extra careful in the next round .

Unfortunately for them , they guessed a number that was too off from the answer , causing the acid on top of them to pour down , melting and disintegrating their bodies until they were gone .

Chishiya smirked at it . Their lives had meant nothing to them and so did yours . He knew what he had to do after this . How he could ensure his survival by taking you out .

-

and here you were , in the pitch black bar of the Beach . gulping down bottles of alcohol , trying your best to forget about what had happened . you weren’t weak , you kept telling yourself that even if you didn’t believe it . but deep down you knew you were .

once you were done with your bottle you slammed it against the counter , breaking it into hundreds of shards .

you took the biggest one you could find and lifted up your sleeve .

this wouldn’t be your first mark, your arm was filled with lines that were distinct in width from past experiences that you had before coming to the Borderlands .

before you could hesitate you did it . the glass shard sliced it’s way through your skin with ease .

you dropped the shard out of pain causing it to break off into many smaller pieces .

once again you scavenged for more alcohol , looking for fire whiskey which was something that could help numb the pain .

after minutes of searching you finally found a bottle-

“ y/n what happened , why is the whole bar in a mess? ”

you turned around to face kuina , a look of worry was displayed all over her face .

she made eye contact for a moment before looking down towards your arm .

“ what were you thinking? ” you heard her mutter .

she quickly took the bottle of whiskey out of your hand and placed it on the counter , after that she slowly brought you to the other side of the bar due to there being shards of glass everywhere on the floor.

once she sat you down she went to look for a medkit, leaving you to yourself and your thoughts . kuina took as little time as she could because she knew you weren’t in the right state of mine to be alone .

once she found the kit she rushed back to the bar , only to find that you’ve fainted from the all the loss of blood . it was a thin cut line but a very deep one , it looked like you might have even accidentally cut off a vein .

after you had woke up the next day you and kuina had a long talk and after that you felt much better .

until you ran into chishiya again on the same day.

-

since there are only 3 players remaining , a new rule will be added into the game. if two players pick the same number they will both get -2 points .

i was already on -8 , meaning any wrong choice would lead me to my death .

picking 0 or 1 would definitely lead me to my death , so I’ll choose a random number between 2 and 100

how about , 62 .

the results are in , chishiya is the winner , number 23.

-

y/n ( -10points )

chishiya (-8 points )

keiichi ( -7 points )

-

and that was it ,

endgame for me .

before accepting my death i had one question , how did he figure out i was going to pick 23 .

and as if he read my thoughts , chishiya spoke up .

“in order to distance yourself you would’ve picked a number in between 2 to 100 because 0 or 1 had the highest chances of being duplicates .

after clearing all the possibilities of you picking a random number i was left with 62 and 74.

and i chose between those , and to my luck you picked 62 and all i had to do from there was divide 62 in half . leaving me with 23.

with this , a player has reached -10 points , it is now game over for that participant .

chishiya laughed , “ like i said you’re at my disposal , should have listened the first time . ”

and those were the last words i heard before meeting my end .

- END -

tags: @donnyhateslife @hvrriicane @myloveforchishiya ( dm to be added to tag list )

oui oui love yall 💖

[a-womans-rhetoric]

Natalie Wynn's "J.K. Rowling" and Disruptive use of Women's Rhetorical Tropes: A Defiant Reply to Transmisogyny

ContraPoints, surrounded by an opulent, candle-lit set and adorned in witch's garb, leisurely pours champagne into her glass — she's ready to breach the internet's hottest topic of January, 2021: her childhood idol being outed as a transphobe (link here). The video itself being over an hour and a half long, I would be hard-pressed to claim that I could ever hope to cover its entirety, comprehensively, in a single post. So to save-face, I'll be dedicating this space only to breaking down her most frequently used rhetorical tropes, one by one.

Irreverence

"Joanne, I wanna talk to you, Joanne! [Fans herself with a rainbow paper fan with the word "BIOLOGICAL" written across it] What is it about Joannes? I can't catch a break from these people" (00:23-00:29, emphasis added).

Wynn's introductory lines immediately open a dialogue with J.K. Rowling — however, this invitation of discourse is defiantly "irreverent" (reminiscent of Nomy Lamm's punk-feminist style in "It’s a Big Fat Revolution” (1995)). Contrapoints, herself a transgender woman, is aware that her very existence is considered in opposition to the TERF-ideology that Rowling subscribes to. Thus, she's rather playful — even openly disrespectful — with her diction: calling the British author by her first name in a mocking-tone and flaunting her own trans identity to the camera (in a way that would likely offend the fragile sensibilities of a transphobe). Her personal tone (with ample use of the pronoun "I") servers a duplicitous purpose: a simultaneous message of "sit down and listen" and a fair degree of "I don't care if you can't accept me."

"So, now that 2020 is finally over, I think we can let the record conclusively show that it was a year whomst is bad. And on top of everything else going on, truly the last thing we needed was the author of Harry Potter coming forward to announce there's two things she can't stand: bigotry, and the transgenders. (00:31 - 00:50, emphasis added).

Finally broaching the subject at hand directly, Wynn employs kairos alongside her irreverence. Kairos, or the rhetorical use of an "opportune moment," holds incredible weight in the first month after 2020: the year in which the whole world fell into a stasis. Characterizing Rowling's transphobia as a collective "the last thing we needed," is also rather dismissive — she unites herself with her audience with the pronoun "we" and invites us all to groan at the exasperating nature of Rowling's bigotry.

Claiming the Right to Speak / Personal Experience

"This is a painful topic for me all around because, as a transgender woman, I am honestly really hurt by a lot of the things Joanne has said in the last year. But I also know what it's like to be the target of a Twitter mob" (01:36-01:47).

As she begins to touch on the topic, Natalie Wynn claims the right to speak on the issue of Rowling's transphobia — a type of bigotry that directly effects her. However, Wynn also situates herself partially with Rowling in her acknowledgement that receiving Twitter backlash is a terrifying experience (an experience, she argues, that the human brain is not prepared to handle the scale of, 01:49-02:39). In treating her subject with such dignity — and adding her own deeply personal account— ContraPoints creates a credible ethos in the beginning of her video essay. The audience is inclined to listen to someone who has been directly effected by the subject of Rowling's controversy (transphobia) and someone who is, rather compassionately, willing to empathize with those who would wish her harm. Although the generally sassy, glamorous, and irreverent tone of the video still appears soon after (see: the above image), her opening up for this somber moment garners a fair degree pathos in the viewer — we, as human beings, are inclined to sympathize with people who are open about being hurt.

Metis (Embodied Rhetoric)

[The following ContraPoints quote is addressing the above J.K. Rowling tweet, content warning for transmisogyny] "Transphobes love to play this game where they pretend that trans people just don't understand basic biology, that's our problem! As if I didn't start taking female hormones because I'm acutely aware that my body is not the same as a cis woman's body, that sex is real. "[Fictional TERF character] You will never be a woman, Nathan. Every cell in your body is male and has a Y chromosome." Really? That's crazy. How you'd you learn so much about science? You know I don't really feel the need to have a second X chromosome, I get by with only one, I make it work. I actually like the Y chromosome, I think it's a little more dainty, you know, it's little softer, a little more petite. The X chromosome has a lot of extra appendages, and don't you think? I don't need anymore of those, thanks. No trans person thinks it's possible to change chromosomal sex and to pretend otherwise is to argue in bad faith" (08:47-09:34).

If you can excuse my gargantuan quote, I hope you'll agree that the dialogue ContraPoints builds here was just too good to cut short. Within this excerpt, we see Wynn's use of irreverance and personal experience blended seamlessly together. For this YouTuber, the personal is perpetually political — especially when her own identity is constantly taken as an ideological stance. She uses her own expertise in trans issues to pick apart just how disingenuous Rowling's assertions are — even accusing her of "argue[ing] in bad faith" with her reductive claims (later, taking specific issue with how Rowling treats trans-ness as a costume). But, here, she also directly invokes another rhetorical trope: that of metis, or embodied rhetoric. Natalie Wynn specifically references her transgender body as a sort of counterpoint to the condescending "sex is real" claims by TERFs. She cites her intrinsic desire to pursue hormonal therapy as evidence that she — and other trans people like her — are all "acutely aware" that there are chromosomal differences between themselves and cis women. With this salient statement, she then follows with some humor: which, again, utilizes her trans body in her rhetoric. Her characterization of the Y chromosome as "more petite" and playful declaration of not needing "extra appendages" lightens up the often dark tone that arguing for trans rights and liberation can take. The clever points she makes are by no means weakened by her humor — if anything, the audience is more willing to listen to someone who can "joke about themselves" (so to speak) while still arguing an incredibly important message.

Naming and Defining Issues

"When I see Joanne tweeting about how trans people think sex isn't real and they're erasing same-sex attraction and they're silencing women, alarm bells are ringing because I recognize these as familiar transphobic talking points, specifically TERF talking points. "TERF" means trans exclusionary radical feminism. God are we still talking about this? I promise this is the last time. So TERFism is a hate movement that disguises transphobia as feminism. ... The fundamental problem with TERFs is not that they're mean. It's that they're politically reactionary, they want to reverse the progress of trans liberation." (14:05-16:02)

In her definition of TERF rhetoric, Natalie Wynn outlines some dog-whistles that are obvious to her, as a trans woman. She calmly explains to the viewer that, oftentimes in the present-day, rhetorics of exclusion are thoroughly disguised; TERFs, specifically, hide their rampant transphobia as a form of feminism. However, she further clarifies that the specific "danger" that TERFs pose is not from their cruelty — it's from their fervent dedication to strip away trans rights through political means. By specifying this danger, Natalie Wynn shifts the conversation away from empty discussion of offensiveness/terminology, to issues which directly affect the lives of trans people every day.

[This portion addresses the picture above] Also an act of naming and defining, ContraPoints makes a distinction between "Direct" and "Indirect Bigotry." She argues that many people envision bigotry as a festering, public, frothing-at-the-mouth hatred — a phenomenon she dubs "the Westboro Baptist Church theory of bigotry" (20:06). In bringing attention to the human tendency to think of people as exclusively practicing "direct bigotry" — envisioning them as a sort of delusional "other" — she then forces the audience to contemplate the relative omni-presence of the more covert (and possibly alluring) "indirect bigotry." This definition, crucially, requires introspection. By allowing ourselves to think of bigots not exclusively as "Westboros," we're made to adopt a much more nuanced view of subjects (most) generally prefer to keep black-and-white. Natalie Wynn uses her J.K. Rowling case study to complicate this 2D view of "The Bigot," inviting others to more carefully examine how politically reactionary views develop.

Phew, this was probably the longest post I've ever typed up on tumblr! Hopefully, I succeeded in demystifying (or at least adding clarity to) some of the specific tropes ContraPoints uses (that are common to women's rhetorics as a whole). Thanks for reading if you stuck around this long, and my ask box is always open!

[anextraordinarymuse]

How are you feeling about Nathan and Nathan and Elizabeth right now? Do you feel like the show has destroyed him? Just, how are you feeling about all this—what are your thoughts?

Oh anon, I’m so glad you asked. Buckle up! We’re going for a ride.

I would marry Nathan Grant this instant if 1) I wasn’t already married, and 2) he wasn’t a fictional character. 

Nathan is not even remotely close to being destroyed for me. I love and adore him as much right now as I ever have. I absolutely, wholeheartedly disagree with anyone who says that Nathan was in any way responsible for what happened to Jack, to any degree. That’s just ridiculous. By that same line of thinking, then Jack was responsible for Doug’s death in season 3 or 4 (I can’t remember). I don’t remember anyone pointing fingers at Jack for that series of events. And you know what? By the line of thinking that I’ve seen in regards to Nathan and the secret, then Jack would actually have been more responsible for Doug’s death than Nathan was for Jack’s. Jack declined his orders to go to the Northern Territories. He straight up said “sorry, but no” because Elizabeth wanted him to stay, and he wanted to stay with her. Nathan did no such thing. He made a decision to chase bad guys - which was in line with his job, if not his direct orders - and was disciplined for disobeying orders. That led to Jack being asked to lead the training mission. Not Nathan’s refusal of orders. So ... nope. Jack wasn’t responsible for Doug’s death, and Nathan wasn’t responsible for Jack’s death. Also, depending on who you are and what you believe, it could almost be said that Jack should have died in Doug’s place, and because he didn’t that meant he was going to die in Nathan’s place. There is a macabre sort of symmetry to it: Doug dies in Jack’s place, Jack dies in Nathan’s place. That’s full circle. 

Now, I’m not saying that I believe that. Just pointing it out. I believe that Jack died because of an accident. No one is at fault. It just happened, because sometimes bad things happen. And I understand how difficult it would have been for Nathan to tell Elizabeth that, especially as they got to know one another and he started to fall in love with her. Not telling her doesn’t make him evil or a bad person or whatever - it just makes him human. He knew that it would hurt Elizabeth, and you never want to hurt the people you love. 

I’ve seen various other criticisms of Nathan, of course. I’ve seen some comments saying that he’s too aggressive in his pursuit of Elizabeth, and to that I say that I don’t think I’m watching the same show. Nathan has never been aggressive with Elizabeth in any way. I could literally write a book about that argument, but I won’t, because I still have a lot of other points to cover. 

So, no. I don’t think the show ruined Nathan. I think some people are just ready to hate him for any reason, and if that’s how they feel then ... well, I don’t care, actually. The great thing about fandom is that you get to choose how you engage with it, and I’m not interested in those points of view. Other people’s dislike or outright hatred of Nathan does not dim my love of him one whit. 

As far as Nathan and Elizabeth are concerned, I am tired, but I have absolute faith that they will be together by the end of the season. Nathan is Elizabeth’s “next great love” (words used by Erin Krakow); we’ve always been moving toward their end game, and despite how rocky and painful and awkward the journey has become, that end game hasn’t changed. Here’s a (non-exhaustive) list of reasons why I know that:

Quality of storytelling: Nathan and Elizabeth have the highest quality of storylines both separately and together. Their storylines focus on real and important values such as family, forgiveness, growth, loss, etc. I’ve mentioned this before, but pretty much from their first interaction we are shown that Nathan and Elizabeth are a team. They are united. Elizabeth is the first person to welcome Nathan to HV, and she shares a personal story of her first days in the town and how challenging they were. It’s the first thread that connects them. Also, I should point out that the first time Nathan meets Elizabeth he delivers a measure of relief for her in the form of Jack’s pension. We know that Elizabeth makes money from her teaching, and that her family in Hamilton would probably never let her want for money, but still. Receiving Jack’s pension undoubtedly relieved a financial burden for her (as evidenced by her reaction to seeing the amount). Anyway, the themes of team and unity keep going from there. Elizabeth helps Nathan search for Allie; they have to work together to correct Allie’s behavior and reassure her; Elizabeth distracts Amos Dixon while Nathan is infiltrating the saloon to catch him; etc. These themes are not present in Elizabeth’s relationship with Lucas. All of Lucas’s storylines are impersonal, with the exception of the one with his parents in season 8 and the little bit of backstory we got with the Amos Dixon incident. The work and effort that has gone into telling Nathan’s story, and Nathan and Elizabeth’s story, is absent from Lucas’s plotlines both with and without Elizabeth. Another point: whereas Elizabeth’s first interaction with Nathan ties that first thread of connection between them, her first interaction with Lucas starts them off on the wrong foot: Lucas asks her where her husband is and if he’ll be joining her. Elizabeth immediately walks away from him and Rosie and Lee have to tell Lucas about Jack. 

Depth of interactions: At this point, the lack of any real depth between Lucas and Elizabeth is absolutely intentional. I think it always has been, but now there’s just no question. Almost every interaction between Nathan and Elizabeth has depth. They can’t help it - they’re not really surface level people. Helen Bouchard tells Elizabeth this season that she knows that Elizabeth is a person who feels things deeply, and I think we know by now that Nathan is as well. They bring that level of feeling to their interactions. They argue, they flirt, they talk about the hard things. Pain, loss, distrust, obstacles ... we never see that depth between Lucas and Elizabeth. The one hard thing they talk about is the reveal of Helen’s secret, and it’s important to note that in that interaction Elizabeth calls out Lucas’s comment for what it is: cruel. “What would you know about it?” Uncalled for. This is the only time we really see Elizabeth and Lucas argue, and Lucas doesn’t meet Elizabeth’s depth here. She tells him something meaningful - that maybe Helen had to be the first one to reach out, and that love should be fought for - and Lucas responds with a cruel comment and walks off. That was intentional on the writers’ part. When Nathan and Elizabeth argue they get heated, but they do not attack each other. That’s an important distinction. They’re not trying to hurt each other. Now, I’m sure someone will point out that in Nathan and Elizabeth’s most recent argument about Allie, Elizabeth says “now you’re just being hurtful” when Nathan tells Elizabeth she originally wasn’t invited. Guess what? Cruel and hurtful don’t mean the same thing. Cruel means: willfully causing pain or suffering to others, or feeling no concern about it.” Whereas the definition of hurtful is: “causing distress to someone’s feelings.” I would say there’s a huge difference in those two words. Plus, even though it may have hurt Elizabeth to hear it, what Nathan said was true. It was not an insult, or a petulant remark said in anger. In fact, while Nathan is irritated and kinda snarky, I’d say he’s not really even that angry in the scene where Elizabeth confronts him. They bicker, but he doesn’t lose his temper like he did in the cabin scene in season 7. In fact, in all of the times that Nathan and Elizabeth have argued their disagreements have never been mean spirited or intentionally hurtful. 

But it’s not just that. When Nathan loses his temper in the cabin scene, he says “you both could have died!” When Elizabeth confronts him in the Mountie office the next day, she says “please stop shutting me out!” These are not surface level arguments - they’re not arguing about Elizabeth’s inability to decide what she wants for dinner. (Sorry, had to throw in a joke). They’re arguing over deep concerns: bodily harm, and emotional withdrawal. I find it interesting that Nathan displayed concern about Elizabeth’s physical safety and Elizabeth over his emotional withdrawal, considering that at the end of season 7 and now in season 8 we’re seeing an Elizabeth who is terrified of losing Nathan (physical safety) and a Nathan who has had to weather Elizabeth’s emotional withdrawal. Who’s shutting who out now, Elizabeth? I digress. 

Another thing of note: we’ve never actually heard Nathan tell Elizabeth that she’s beautiful, and we’ve never actually heard Lucas tell her anything but she’s beautiful. Interesting contrast. Nathan says, “You matter to me,” “you’re quite the teacher,” “I’m glad the publisher realized how special you are. He’s not the only one,” and of course, “I love/am in love with you.” Even Nathan’s compliments go beyond surface level. Whereas Lucas tells her she’s beautiful, and that he’s so glad to have her in his life. Again, depth vs. surface level. I do remember that in the first episode of season 7, I believe, when Nathan says that he was never engaged with school Lucas butts in and says “that’s probably because you never had a teacher like Elizabeth.” I tend to disregard this compliment though, because it didn’t feel genuine. Lucas butts in to a conversation that Nathan and Elizabeth are having and then compliments her - it feels like a showboat move. In contrast, all of Nathan’s compliments have been sincere and given in private, without anyone else around. 

I was going to make a separate point for this, but I actually think it belongs here: the depth of Nathan’s gift giving/wooing vs. Lucas’s is also very apparent. Nathan gives her personal, humble gifts: an apple, a hand carved wooden sign with a quote from her favorite poet (which she mentioned once, to someone else), a moment of relief when he offers to hold baby Jack at the christening party. Lucas’s gifts are more grandiose, but impersonal: flowers, fancy dates, etc. The two sweetest things Lucas has done for her, in my opinion, were when he gave her the binoculars to take for the kids on their trip to the woods, and the Virginia Wolff trip. Note, I don’t mean the dinner out of town or the picnic on the way there: I mean the fact that Lucas bought tickets to go see a reading of an author that he didn’t particularly like because he thought Elizabeth would like them. Granted, I didn’t like the way he sprung them on her, but it was still a very thoughtful gesture. 

Wardrobe: Costume and set designers will tell you all the time that they make conscious decisions about who wears what, and when. Nathan and Elizabeth are always dressed in complementary colors. They match, or at least blend well; Lucas and Elizabeth are often mismatched or outright clashing. Elizabeth and Nathan generally dress in lighter colors, whereas Lucas dresses in darker colors. Also worth noting is that we have seen several instances of Nathan and baby Jack being dressed alike, and Allie and Elizabeth being dressed in similar/complementary colors. 

Family Imagery: the amount of family imagery that we are presented with in regards to Nathan, Elizabeth, Allie, and baby Jack is impossible to miss. They pick out and decorate a Christmas tree together in a warmly lit home with a combination of Elizabeth’s decorations and Nathan and Allie’s; even though it doesn’t happen, the first time Nathan asks Elizabeth to dinner they go as a family unit; Elizabeth brings over cupcakes for the sleepover and helps Nathan loosen up by flirting with him in the middle of his kitchen, with an apron on; these are all intimate, family oriented scenes. 

Shows of fear/worry/concern: look at Elizabeth’s face any time Nathan is heading into danger, might be in danger, or just generally might be unsafe in any way. She is visibly distressed every time. She’s also distressed every time Nathan gives her the cold shoulder/tries to back off/resorts to any kind of formality. We’re always shown this moment of fear for her, and usually some kind of scene after that shows us the aftermath. For example: after the fight in the cabin, when they’re back in town it looks like Nathan might be about to apologize and Florence interrupts him and he leaves to find Lee; we get the scene of Elizabeth confronting him the following day. After that confrontation, we get Nathan showing up at night and telling her “you matter to me.” Elizabeth asks Lucas to dance and then sees a crestfallen Nathan leaving the saloon; in the next episode (even though it’s the first episode of the following season) we see Elizabeth purposely approach Nathan in the street with a sweet but awkward comment about Allie’s book report on Queen Victoria. We’ve only seen two real moments of danger for Lucas: the Amos Dixon situation, and the oil derrick explosion. In the Amos Dixon incident, Elizabeth is angry with Lucas for endangering her; in the oil derrick explosion, we actually don’t get a scene addressing that other than the one where Elizabeth stops Helen and tells her that she’s sure Lucas is fine. Interesting differences, I’d say. This also ties into the previous point about the emotional depth that exists between Nathan and Elizabeth, but not Elizabeth and Lucas. Other than the hug, of course, which was a huge display of fear and emotion from Elizabeth, I'd also point you to the scene at the end of 8x01 when Elizabeth is waiting on her porch for Nathan to come home. She can hardly breathe when she sees him ride up. Watch the way she breathes - she inhales so deeply that it makes her collarbones stick out sharply, and her expression is intense. The way she says "you made it home" is so tense and shaky!

The pursuer vs the pursued: This is a huge point, and difference. In the Elizabeth and Lucas relationship, Lucas is the pursuer; in the Nathan and Elizabeth relationship, Elizabeth is the pursuer. Lucas inserts himself in conversations that Elizabeth and Nathan are having, he repeatedly asks her to dinner and surprises her with things (like the Virginia Wolff tickets, and sending her manuscript to his mother, etc). At first, Elizabeth seems hesitant about these things: she turns him down once for dinner, hesitates over the tickets, then finally sits down to dinner with him but won't call it a date. To me, the relationship between Lucas and Elizabeth seems to come about mostly because he wears her down. Elizabeth only really goes to Lucas and opens the door for a relationship after Nathan's profession of love. That certainly makes it seem like she's not so much running to Lucas as she is running away from Nathan. In comparison, we have a whole bunch of examples of Elizabeth being the one to pursue some sort of relationship with Nathan. Not necessarily a romantic one (at least purposely) but every time Nathan tries to leave Elizabeth alone and put distance between them, she closes that gap by figuratively running straight at him. Calling him out for shutting her out, finding excuses to talk to him (like Allie's book report), basically telling him that she went to Union City with Lucas because Nathan wouldn't ask her out. Now, in season 8 I would say that we've taken a fairly hard turn and Nathan has now taken the lead as the pursuer and Elizabeth is the pursued ... which is mostly true. I think one of the key takeaways on this point, and up to this point in the show, is that Elizabeth and Nathan can't help but pursue each other. It's a frustrating game of cat and mouse. But, it's true: even though they're on shaky ground and things are complicated, we still see Elizabeth and Nathan running to each other as much as they run away. Nathan does so in obvious ways, but Elizabeth is more subtle. She sends him that note about missing the parent teacher conference and then they have that conversation in her living room; Elizabeth follows Allie as she barges in on the inquiry and then waits outside with her, and they're together when Nathan emerges; Nathan invites her to the adoption ceremony, they share the moment outside the infirmary, Elizabeth stops him to ask about the stolen car outside the mercantile; Elizabeth and Allie upset each other and Elizabeth runs straight to Nathan. No matter how they have tried not to, it's clear at this point that they will always gravitate to one another. In support, in argument, in misunderstanding, in triumph ... they just keep going for one another.

This, I think, has been the point of having Lucas witness all of these interactions between Nathan and Elizabeth. No matter what they might say or the perception they might try to give off, the truth always comes out - and the truth is that they can't stay away from each other. Even when she tries to hide it, Elizabeth's heart is a compass, and we all know that compasses always point one way (and in her case, the N doesn't mean north).

To that point, I think that there has been a lot of double meaning to the things Elizabeth has said this season. The most recent example: in the last episode when Elizabeth says, "I tried to tell you at Allie's parent teacher conference. You are her rock. You are her foundation. If you let her down, her whole world crumbles." Also, to this point, in the scene where they're in Elizabeth's house, she says, "You will always be the measure of the quality she'll look for in a man as she chooses who to marry." I find the wording of both of these statements both interesting and telling. At this point, I think that Nathan isn't just Allie's rock - he's also Elizabeth's. She trusts him, and depends on him, and holds him in high regard. Nathan has unexpectedly filled a hole in Elizabeth's life: he is her main male support now. She has Bill and Lee, of course, but they don't fill the same spot. Bill is like a father figure, and Lee is her best friend's husband. But Nathan - Nathan is only Elizabeth's. It's a very specific spot he fills, and it's as the leading man in her life. They solve problems together, mentor and parent Allie, address the town's needs, etc. Again - they're a unit, and we're meant to see them as such. Elizabeth's behavior didn't change until after she almost lost Nathan (and then he told her he loved her); she doesn't seem shaken or upset until Nathan does something to make her feel that way. Nathan has become her rock, and she's laid a new foundation with him. Her emotional state is directly tied to Nathan (and Allie, as I think we've now seen). No matter how painful or difficult it is, Nathan and Elizabeth are already bonded (and deeply). A fact that will be highlighted in 8x09 when Elizabeth will choose Nathan's hands in that wedding game, despite the fact that she has never held his hands (but has held Lucas's several times now).

So. This turned into a freaking novel, and I could honestly keep going, but I won't. I will just say, once again, that I love Nathan with my whole heart. I may not agree with his every decision, but I don't expect to. I don't agree with a lot of Elizabeth's decisions, but I still love her too. The writers do have some work to do, however, because they took this further than I expected them to and now they need to work their way out of it. But, even in my most frustrated and tired moments - of which there have been several, and will probably be a few more - I have always known all roads lead to Nathan and Elizabeth. We'll be exhausted by the time we cross the finish line, but we'll get there. Don't lose hope.

[obsidian-aurora]

As I’m about to dive into the events of 227 in my fanfic, I thought now is a good moment to take some time to reflect on the past year.

Words:  1,086,764

Chapters:  131/?

Comments:  2206

Kudos:  4065

Bookmarks:  350

Hits:  161449

If you can believe it, I started writing this fic almost a year ago now.  I’ve written the equivalent of a novel a month this whole year! Nuts. I watched The Untamed for the first time over a year ago.  My soul was captured by the light that I saw in Xiao Zhan’s and Yibo’s eyes when they looked at each other. And I haven’t stopped believing in the power of love since then.

Sounds corny?  Yeah, kind of is.

It’s hard to imagine that when I started writing this fic, the Special Edition hadn’t come out yet.  There was only the official BTS on the Tencent channel to watch - as well as a pile of interviews and fanmeetings.  There were no secret Discord groups, I didn’t even have a Twitter account.  I had this old blog of mine on Tumblr and an old AO3 account that I dusted off to start writing some fanfiction again.

Did you know I’m a self-published author?  Oh yeah, for years I wrote nothing but my own novels.  You can check them out here at lillybirdsong.com

I thought to myself, I’ll just write a short fanfic over the course of December.  I’ll publish it in January and rid my system of this bug I’ve got and then move on.  Now, a year later and I still can’t stop writing about these boys.  What is it?  It’s all about love.  It’s about the belief that against all odds, whether it’s living in a society that doesn’t support LGBT individuals, whether it’s struggling with management companies that don’t support you in your own careers, against all odds Love Wins™.

Or does it?

I’m about to embark on writing the 227 part of the fanfiction and I thought it was really important for me to remind everyone that what I’m writing here is not a bible, it’s not a biography, it’s a piece of fiction that’s my own personal interpretation of what might have happened.  I’m saying this because it’s soul-crushing to imagine what might have taken place behind closed doors, the conversations that would have happened, the thoughts that would have spun out of control.

I mean, I just remember my own journey.  Some of which is documented right here on Tumblr.  I wrote one of my first artist blogs when I hit 50 chapters on Yizhan in early Feb.  I wrote a post when Xiao Zhan fans first started calling out AO3 for hosting inflammatory material. I wrote a post when I considered whether this fic should be abandoned. I wrote a post when Coronavirus brought me back home on a plane way earlier than expected.  I wrote a post in April when I completed 80 chapters, and at the end of May when I completed 100 chapters.

I’ve gone a bit dark on Tumblr since I moved to Twitter where there’s a lot more BJYX interaction going on, but Twitter is not a good place for a long post so I’m once again spilling my thoughts here on Tumblr.

Writing about 227

As I start to write about this, I’m going to pick and choose which rumours I will write into the story and which I’ll discard.  Because let’s get real - there are a lot of rumours out there, and no one except those people intimately involved will know the truth of the matter.  I do choose to believe some of the malicious rumours.  And so I will include some of them.

Don’t start a war in my comments section. I beg you.  I’ll just have to end up moderating my comments which I never wanted to do.

Disagreements within the fandom

I’ve noticed more and more “extreme” behaviour within the BJYX fandom.  I feel like ever since the “secret” BTS (which are mostly the same as what we saw in the official BTS just longer cuts) have whipped turtles up into a frenzy! And when someone has a different opinion or when someone likes to spout theories about what their small interactions might mean in the context of the bigger picture, that can cause harm.

So I’m saying right now - everyone’s entitled to their own points of view. No one knows the truth but the ones involved.

Don’t bring your disagreements to my fic.

Respect in public spaces

I have also stated this on Twitter but I want to put my 2 cents here as well.  I’ve also been uncomfortable lately with the amount of public discourse about body parts, about sex positions, really really intimate things. If you want to write fanfics or draw fanart to explore these interpretations, I say go for it! That’s appropriate because it’s within the realm of fantasy. But when it comes down to really speculating about what’s going on in the private lives of these two men we love so much, I personally would rather those conversations be relegated to private spaces - Discord, WhatsApp.  Not Twitter and Tumblr. So you’ll notice that I’ve unfollowed and even blocked some accounts recently that cross a line I’m not comfortable with.

When I do that, it’s not about you, it’s not a personal attack. That’s just me not being comfortable with the content that’s being created in the space it’s being distributed. If you want to chat with me about it, I’m very open to having that discussion in DM. I’ve been called a hypocrite for my views given that my story is an explicit one, but in my mind there’s a clear distinction between me publishing a story on AO3 and people discussing their real private lives in public spaces like Twitter.  That’s just my point of view and I mean no offence to those that feel the opposite.

As usual, I always have my finger on the trigger to take Yizhan down the moment it causes harm to the boys in question.

Other interesting things I’ve done lately:

I’ve been publishing some Fanart.  (See the pic at the end of this post as an example). Follow me on Twitter @ObsidianAurora to get the latest as I usually post things first there. I’ll try to remember to post things here as well.

I started a YouTube Channel. It’s called Queer Stories and it’s my space to talk about all things queer - video games, TV shows, and yeah sometimes even how harmful it can be to assume you know someone’s gender identity, whether they’re feminine or masculine, and that this has nothing to do with a person’s sexuality. This video I made in the context of BJYX/LSFY/ZSWW and Yizhan.

I opened a Patreon account since some people wanted to know how to support me. I have been jobless since our visual effects studio closed down in May and I’m starting up a new job again next week (finally!) but if you want to contribute for the work I’m doing this would be the way.

Be Kind.

I’ve rambled on for quite a bit now so let me end it here. Let me just say please be kind. Be kind to each other. Be kind to those who disagree with you. When you’re tempted to lash out, consider the other person’s point of view first.

Remember that what started this was love. Not hate. Don’t give in to the temptation to participate in fanwars. Remember the love.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk.

~Obsidian Aurora~

[elencelebrindal]

Hi! Off topic question for your blog, since I've read the post about mxtx's works. Why don't you like Jiang Cheng? I'm curious to know the reason

Oh my god, I'm so sorry, this has been sitting in my askbox for a month T-T Ok, I have 10 minutes of free time, let me see how can I explain my dislike for him without angering the entire fandom.

Under the cut because 1. this is off topic for my blog and 2. it will probably be long. Beware of spoilers. I don't care for how long the novel/drama/donghua have been out, I'm aware there's still people that haven't read/watched it.

Please, keep in mind that this is my own opinion. Every single thing I've said in this post comes from my personality and views clashing with Jiang Cheng's character. I know that Jiang Cheng is a tridimensional character with a deep development, but that doesn't mean I approve of that (magnificently written) development. Comment if you want, but don't try to change my mind. It won't work. I also know that many of the things I've said here need further analysis and/or explanation, but it's been a year now since I've read the book/watched the drama, and I've shifted towards TGCF so I don't feel as involved as before.

Jiang Cheng is a difficult character for me to like, mainly because he reminds me of real life people that used to be around me, or are still around me. And said people make me uncomfortable.

At first, I didn't like or dislike Jiang Cheng. It was a normal character that I didn't really pay attention to, because he didn't fall in any of my "oh, I like/hate this character" category. He was a pretty normal person with struggles I could easily understand. Those doubts about his self-worth? Yeah, been there done that.

But then... Then the major changes of the plot happened.

I fully understand the overwhelming reaction he had after the death of his parents. I get that, I get that he felt lost and angry and frustrated all at the same time. I get that he was grieving, and terribly so. I get the reckless act of him running straight into danger for his parents' sake, I get him trying to help Wei Wuxian.

But I don't like how things started going downhill from there, from the moment he received Wei Wuxian's golden core and they reunited. I don't like how he resented all the Wen family, how he hated seemingly without making a distinction.

I absolutely despise the fact that Jiang Cheng opposed Wei Wuxian, when he wanted to protect those innocent people that had nothing to do with the massacres perpetrated by the Wen clan. I hate how Jiang Cheng ignored the fact that Wen Qing and Wen Ning helped him when he was most vulnerable.

I understand that he was angry, but that doesn't explain why he had to be so ungrateful towards people that didn't do anything malicious, people that helped him. Jiang Cheng is a multi-layered character, and there's not just this to him, but the negative feeling that came from him stuck to me way too much.

I appreciate the fact that Jiang Cheng reached some sort of agreement with Wei Wuxian, and that scene of him and Jiang Yanli meeting so Wei Wuxian could see her sister in her wedding robes still warms my heart, but Jiang Cheng went and declared Wei Wuxian an enemy of the cultivation world.

Jiang Cheng, although not even willingly (I don't believe him to be that blind), blamed Wei Wuxian for Jiang Yanli's death and for Jin Ling's current predicament. But this is something for another discussion, Jiang Yanli chose by herself, it was no one's blame if not hers and that's something often overlooked.

He suffered, yes, he was the only one left after his entire family died, but that didn't give him the right to straight up hate something he never tried to fully understand.

But what genuinely got me was his reaction upon discovering his golden core was Wei Wuxian's. To this day, I still can't get over the fact that he was angry at that. Confused, yes. It's understandable. But angry? Angry at someone for having helped you? I get it, okay? It's shocking. Knowing the man that was once your beloved brother sacrificed himself (literally) to help you is devastating, but his reaction seemed mostly bitter. There are reasons behind that, I'm aware of them, but at the same time... I didn't like it. This is probably because of how I personally think, though. I could never imagine me being bitter about someone helping me so much, even if it meant that certain someone had better skills than me. Jiang Cheng's personality regarding that is the complete opposite of mine, when he feels bitter I'd just feel sad.

I personally like to think that Jiang Cheng, after absorbing the shock, took his time to think about what Wei Wuxian's gesture meant, and took his time to try and mend their relationship.

Now, onto the thing that I dislike the most about him, because of personal experiences. I hate how Jiang Cheng educates Jin Ling. I know that he cares about him, and I know he'd rather lose all his limbs than seeing him seriously hurt, but I hate how harsh he is on him. No amount of gifts he can give him will make me change my mind on that. I spent my life hating how my parents and family treated me harshly, threatening me whenever I did something bad or when they wanted me to do good at something. Jiang Cheng, with the way he treats Jin Ling, reminds me of that. I know that he cares, but that behavior is something I hate to the core. I hate feeling threatened, I hate the dread that washes over me when I'm expected to do something for my family, and it's the same feeling I get when I watch Jiang Cheng interact with Jin Ling. Even if I know that he would never actually harm him, I hate it.

He did an incredible job raising Jin Ling, but at the same time his method of education is one of the worsts.

I really wang Jiang Cheng to finally feel better with himself. He's too bitter and angry, and I tend to dislike people that are like him. I've met my fair share of them in real life, and they always make me uncomfortable.

He deserves to feel at peace, knowing that he's his own person. I didn't like his reaction upon discovering the golden core was Wei Wuxian's also because it felt like Jiang Cheng started questioning everything about himself all over again.

Please, guys, check this post I’ve written thanks to an ask about the following statement, before reading what I deleted here. Turns out I forgot something a bit TOO important and I corrected my opinion. 

To conclude, please don't yell at me for having this opinion, and please let's avoid all the wrong discourse of Jiang Cheng being also somewhat of a homophobic. I used to see this come up a lot in discussions about his characters (now a lot less, but I'm also less invested in everything mdzs now because I prefer tgcf), and it's so wrong. If anything, he's bitter because not only he lost Wei Wuxian because of his own mistakes, but because someone who's basically a newcomer (compared to the years Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian spent together) managed to deepen the rift between them.

There's a lot of things I don't like about Jiang Cheng, but even I draw the line at people calling him homophobic.

[alirhi]

chapter 25 FINALLY yeesh...

Title: Winter's Frost Chapter: 25/? Fandom: MCU Rating: R to be on the safe side Pairing: Loki/Bucky Summary: Loki never told anyone the real reason he became so obsessed with Midgard. Much better to let them think he wanted to hurt his brother than draw their attention to the one thing in the universe that makes the God of Mischief truly vulnerable. Notes: I kinda really hate that they gender-swapped Laufey in the MCU, so now I have to do the same with Farbauti. The main reason I have a problem with this is Loki's name – it was one of the very distinctive things about him. In a rigidly patriarchal society, Loki's surname is matrilineal. I don't know if Marvel misunderstood or changed it on purpose, but they basically erased a detail that makes Loki a feminist icon. Also, I'm drawing from actual Norse mythology again, a little.

"Whoa."

"Welcome home, Your Highness."

Hiding a smile at his lover's childlike wonder, Loki nodded cordially to Heimdall. "How have things been here?"

The Guardian of the Bifrost chuckled, watching Bucky wander slowly about the room. "Tense, as I'm sure you can imagine. Your wife and mother ask after you daily."

"And what do you tell them?"

"The bridge is rainbow!" Bucky was leaning against the far wall now, peeking out at the world beyond the open door. "It's actually rainbow! And super shiny... Is it as slick as it looks? That doesn't seem safe."

"He's adorable," Heimdall murmured, making Loki cough to mask his laughter. Clearing his throat, he returned to the topic at hand and told the Prince, "I tell them that you're well, and that your brother is aiding you in clearing your name so that you may return home."

Loki snorted. "Oh, is that what Thor is doing? When I left, he was playing cards with Stark, Banner, and Miss Potts."

"If it makes you feel any better, he's losing."

"It does, actually," he admitted with a grin. "A bit."

"This is Jotunheim?" Eyes hilariously wide and never settling on one thing for more than a second, Bucky approached them. "It's not as cold as I expected."

Loki chuckled and held his arm out, pleased when his beloved immediately cuddled up to his side. "No, darling. This is Asgard."

"Asgard?! I thought-"

"We can't linger," he explained, somewhat surprised by the melancholy ache in his heart at the thought. "Heimdall has been kind enough to agree to open the Bifrost to us; I didn't want to risk harming you by teleporting between worlds after how you reacted to being transported between continents on your own world."

"I appreciate that." Bucky glanced around again, the awe and curiosity in his big blue eyes reminding Loki vividly of their daughter. Eira truly did take after her father. "That's a lot of gold. Is that actual gold, or just paint?"

The Aesir and Jotun both opted not to answer him. While Loki fought not to laugh, Heimdall reached for the Bifrost sword and told him, "Be careful, Your Highness. This isn't a fight you can win with deception."

He sighed. "Wait a moment." While the Guardian smiled and dropped his hands, Loki stepped away from Bucky and turned to face him. "I'd better show you now so you aren't shocked when we arrive."

"Show me what, Doll?" The words were barely out of his mouth before it dropped open as he watched Loki's disguise fade away. Loki tensed, seeing the look of stunned disbelief on his lover's handsome face, but Bucky quickly came back to himself and laid his fears of rejection to rest. "How in the Hell did you just get more beautiful? Are those tattoos? Or... No, they're markings. Were you born with those? They're gorgeous!"

"Y-yes." He cleared his throat, glancing helplessly at Heimdall's fond, patient smile before returning his attention to his beloved. Immediate, enthusiastic acceptance was... not exactly the response he'd been expecting. "Yes, I suppose I was born with them."

Grinning, Bucky closed the gap between them and tugged Loki into his arms. "You look good. Ready to get this over with?"

With a soft, amazed chuckle, Loki hugged his love and kissed his scruffy cheek. "You are a wonder. And yes, let's get on with it. Heimdall?"

"Be well, my Prince." As he twisted the blade and opened the bridge again, Heimdall assured him with a smile, "I'll assure your wife that she's in your thoughts, and that she will see you again soon."

"It's nice that someone there is on your side-fuck it's cold!" Bucky cringed, rubbing his hands together as his lover snorted and conjured him some warmer gloves and another jacket. "After this, we take Eira to the Caribbean, yes?"

Laughing outright at that, Loki conjured him a hat, as well. "We'll see. Are you going to be alright?"

"I'll live." He held up his left hand, looking a bit perplexed. "You know this one doesn't feel anything, right?"

The Trickster shrugged, already turning and heading away from the Bifrost site. "Take the glove off, if you wish. Honestly, I'd forgotten it was metal."

"How? I could use it as a disco ball!"

"Well, if it isn't the little Princess."

Loki stopped, shifted to female form, and smirked. "Well, some of the time." Standing straight and doing her best to ignore the unnerving height difference, she stared the guard down. "I'm here for an audience with your Queen."

"Why do I doubt that she's expecting you?"

He was staring openly at her, taking in the fur-lined Asgardian armor, the diminutive stature, the blue skin marked with swirling designs... She allowed it; after all, she'd dropped the illusion that she was Aesir on purpose, to get their attention. Small or not, under Odin's magic and then her own, she was Jotun. She belonged in this frozen wasteland about as much as she belonged in Asgard.

For the moment, she chose to ignore what a low bar that was.

"I am Loki," she reminded him as she switched back to male form. He was perfectly comfortable either way, but as a man he was a little bit taller; still tiny for a Frost Giant, but he'd take what he could get. "Son of Laufey and rightful King of Jotunheim."

The guard smirked. "King Helblindi will be quite surprised to hear that."

Loki stalled out for a moment, stunned. He'd forgotten that he actually had biological brothers, not just a very annoying adoptive one. No wonder he'd been cast aside; his father had other sons to replace the worthless runt.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned. Bucky's wide blue eyes were locked on the guard, who the flustered Prince had just belatedly recognized as his other brother, Býleistr. Visibly steeling himself for a confrontation, Bucky sucked in a deep breath and addressed their amused audience.

"Prince Loki is used to having to boast and take an offensive position to be heard. I'm sure you're familiar with Odin and his unending pomposity?" Grinning when Býleistr chuckled, he continued sweetly, "Obviously, your people are much more refined; couldn't you look past his boorish Asgardian upbringing and see that he only wants to talk to his family?"

Laughing red eyes drifted from Bucky to Loki, and Býleistr nodded. "I like this one, little brother. Very diplomatic, for a Midgardian. Come. I'm sure Mother would like to see you."

As he turned and walked away, Loki paused to gape at his lover. Bucky was lightly bouncing on his toes, though Loki wasn't sure if it was from pride or cold. Just in case, he conjured him a warmer coat and a scarf. "You truly are a wonder, James!"

"Hey, I listen when you talk!" he teased, prodding him lightly until they were both moving, hurrying after Býleistr. "I know what a total asshole Odin is. Seemed a safe bet that the people he's been oppressing for centuries would agree that he sucks."

Loki chuckled, draping an arm over the other man's broad shoulders. "I did tell you that you're brilliant. I love being proven right."

___________________________________________________ Next Masterlist

[quidfree]

Wondering how you decided to characterize the Regulus-Marauders relationships in LMV? Really love that fic btw :)

i’m glad someone asked bc i make no secret of the fact that writing said relationships (or interactions, more accurately) is one of my very fav parts about writing LMV- i’m pretty sure i’ve answered something similar but i have no qualms doing it again. i’ll put it under the cut so i can do them one at a time.

lily: lily is probably my very fav of the regulus interactions, for a variety of reasons. lily, remus and james are all three predisposed to be friendly and kind towards strangers and/or their enemies (unlike regulus and his brother lol), but lily is the person whose kindness is one of her (very few) defined traits in canon, and it’s set in stone that she has a high tolerance for bullshit, so obviously she’s the one who is going to be most unfazed by regulus’ antics and just continue to be faultlessly polite and sympathetic around him. on the other hand, lily has 0 tolerance for death eater bullshit specifically, esp after the snape experience, so she will not hesitate to sharply reprimand regulus whenever he says something even remotely anti-muggle. this means that on balance regulus is hard-pressed to find anything to complain about with her other than the fact she won’t let him be racist towards her, and especially given his recent moral quandaries he feels more chastised than he’d like to admit on the latter point. and lily is not just kind- she’s also a very clever, capable and charming witch, with none of james’ more annoying traits nor remus’ cynicism, and regulus just increasingly likes her a lot while kind of attempting to pedal back on it. lily, on the other hand, beyond her refusal to put up with any bigotry, has a particular soft spot for difficult siblings trying to make amends, and beyond that also finds regulus quite cute in certain regards- his obvious attachment to sirius, his newfound bambi act around anything muggle, his very real concern for kreacher, his transparent reluctance to befriend them. also she enjoys a bit of slytherin snark, amidst all of her gryffindor boys. basically lily gently bullies regulus by simply not leaving him be to stew in his self-indulgent pureblood angst and regulus is helpless to it. down the line, since regulus is canonically kind of a fanboy type (hello posters) he will become a staunch lily stan who spends 50% of their conversations trying to convince her to divorce james because she could do better (and silently deploring the fact she didn’t choose him as a token slytherin friend instead of severus snape). i imagine the absolute outrage of shifting his schoolboy admiration from lord voldemort to lily is one no one ever lets him (or voldemort) live down; lily takes it in stride, since he’s not even close to the most questionable admirer she’s ever had. 

remus: in some ways remus and regulus’ relationship covers a lot of the same beats as lily and regulus’ - remus is also a blood aberration in the eyes of pureblood society, and also infinitely more patient with regulus’ various suspicions and barbs than he deserves. the main distinction is just that remus is less trusting- both because he lacks lily’s sibling angle to lend him sympathy, and because he’s more skeptical on the subject of personal loyalties impacting moral compasses. he’s also less willing to confront regulus’ bad takes because unlike lily remus is not comfortable with his lycantrophy and in part feels the bigotry towards werewolves is deserved, having internalised much of it and living in fear of his capacity to harm others across much of canon. as with sirius (or any of their other friends), remus is also the most observant of the gang, so he can read regulus best, which regulus (as a keen-eyed slytherin himself) is uncomfortably aware and suspicious of. these elements all add a level of strain to their relationship that doesn’t exist with lily and regulus. beyond that, however, remus is of course faultlessly civil, and his teaching instincts mean that in practice he does a lot of the quiet helping regulus privately appreciates the most- pretends to check cupboards out loud so regulus doesn’t have to ask where things go, repeats well-known details to himself within earshot of him, unobtrusively shuffles sirius’ bookshelves around so regulus has things to read. despite his suspicions regulus would pick him to spend time with any day, even fully aware of the fact remus can and will needle him into a seemingly mild debate about some facet of pureblood doctrine after a couple of hours of companionable silence. remus isn’t quite so indulgent of regulus as lily is, but he privately suspects he’s growing on him, because remus sees the good in people despite himself and also sees the black in regulus. he’s a smart kid, anyways, and it’s nice sometimes to have someone around that’s just a little less *handwaves* than the rest of the group, and someone else that does the watching. regulus just wishes remus’ general perceptive doubt didn’t have a massive sirius-(and james-)shaped blindspot, and maybe also that he didn’t look quite so contemplative whenever sirius threatens to feed him to the wolves.

james: james and regulus’ relationship is obviously the funniest of the bunch. i simply do not believe there is any way regulus could not have loathed james with every fibre of his grudge-holding being. and it’s not just the deep dark regulus-intro-chapter thing about james being very literally the one to turn sirius decisively away from his family, or the fact that for regulus’ last two years of school he had to put up with the fact sirius lived with james, or even the fact james was so archetypal of everything he’d been taught to revile as a smarmy blood traitor of the highest class. no, it’s also just that james is obnoxious- at least from the bitter perspective of a middle-schooler whose beloved older brother has unceremoniously ditched him for some loudmouth arrogant gryffindor who struts around hogwarts like he owns it and beats regulus’ quidditch team and makes a big show of thwarting his attempts to catch the snitch while he does it, winking up at the stands where sirius sits howling with laughter all the time. there is no living being on earth regulus can’t stand more than james potter. and james, of course, is thoroughly bewildered by this, because regulus is kind of civil with lily and remus despite his bigotry, and warming up to his brother, but if james so much as breathes remus looks like he wants to club him to death with an antique vase. so then it’s this whole cycle of adversity where james ‘why would someone not like me’ potter only grows more determined to get in regulus’ good books in the face of his loathing, and regulus is having a conniption bc james just won’t stop being friendly and helpful. and james fundamentally is a sirius simp (lol) and also canonically The most trusting and idealistic of the bunch, so he is staunchly in the regulus redemption camp, which makes it all the harder for regulus to just oppose everything he says in principle. not to mention james is genuinely a personable guy, who will do shit like recall some of regulus’ better quidditch plays or remember the names of people in his year regulus hung out with you, and regulus is just. suffering. beyond the inexplicable loathing james finds him very entertaining (duh, it’s sirius’ kid brother) and somewhat like a debutante who just needs to blossom into an order member; he’s the one who most regularly engages with regulus’ inflammatory statements because he’s the one who’s most willing to believe he’ll change (and also because he has years of experience telling sirius that you can’t just say that, mate, where the hell did you hear that from?). regulus hates him, and also hates himself for kind of very much definitely seeing why sirius is so into him. bastard. 

also, i’m not really going into sirius here because LMV itself already does so much, but like. they’re brothers. they love each other wholly. they can (and do) hurt each other like no other. they are very awkwardly trying not to do that on purpose so much. sirius wants very, very badly for regulus to Be Like Him, which regulus resents, but really sirius wants more than anything for regulus to be Good, so they can be on the same side of things again, and regulus doesn’t really know how to handle that (especially bc some part of him very desperately seeks to regain his brother’s approval). it’s a mess but they’re trying. i think it’s esp weird for them bc they never really had a middle ground- in the Before they were inseparable and sirius was the cool older brother who stuck up for regulus as he shadowed him around, and in the After sirius was the family disappointment who couldn’t believe regulus wouldn’t follow in his footsteps and took this out on him as angrily as he could manage while regulus bitterly returned the favour. now they’re sort of at an impasse, trying to relearn the actual people they are rather than what they’ve always been to each other. 

[milleniaoffamily]

Old Guard Fandom Discourse - This is very long

Hello! I feel it’s time for me to make a big old Fandom Discourse post.

Specifically centering around how people are treating Joe and Nicky’s relationship. The movie has created a beautifully healthy, equal, and loving relationship - and it’s an interracial interfaith gay relationship. That is huge.

Some people, though, have been reducing it to “Joe is masculine strong man he always tops and is super protective, Nicky is soft and cooks and always bottoms sweet little cherished man how cute″

Some people have been making this healthy mlm relationship into a skewed version through their own hetero-normative, racist, sexist, and overall ludicrous lens. I’d like to start off by saying I don’t hate these people. While I hope that you grow and change, the lens that you’re viewing this piece of media through is also the result of of a lengthy history of hetero-normativity, racism, sexism, and otherwise unhealthy mindsets in society. So I can understand how you fell into that thinking but also be better than our history and learn to change your frame of mind!

So lets start on how viewing them this way is actually real unhealthy and bad! First off, people can and are more than one thing! Joe and Nicky are both protective, both soft, both have the capacity for violence, and are both their own person. In acting the goal is to create a real person and become them and I think it’s fair to say that Luca Marinelli and Marwan Kensari have done an absolutely fantastic job. So, if they’ve the done the work to create these characters as if they’re real people, let’s treat them that way. People aren’t just a handful of traits walking around and Joe and Nicky aren’t either. Saying Joe is soft doesn’t even imply that Nicky isn’t. Reducing them down to “One is strong and one is sweet” not only diminishes the characters and their actions but also the work that the actors (and the fabulous director Gina Prince-Bythewood) have done to create interesting and deep people. 

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. When it comes to explicit forms of intimacy, position and who penetrates who has nothing to do with pretty much anything. Not all sexual encounters even involve penetration. The idea that it has to is old and outdated and I’m more than ready to move on. Nicky and Joe certainly are - their relationship is 900 years old and you think they really still only use the same two pieces of anatomy to give each other pleasure?  Even worse is the idea that the person penetrating has some inherent masculinity while the person being penetrated is effeminate. These are two men and even if it was a man and a woman, some men enjoy being penetrated by a woman and some women enjoy penetrating a man. And that’s great! Sexual roles come down simply to preference and they are nothing more. The fact that there’s such an obsession with who ‘tops’ and who ‘bottoms’ and how that reflects on the characters or, G-d forbid, people being discussed proves that people aren’t viewing them as complex humans with duality and variety within them. Instead they’re being reduced down to nothing more than their sexual preference which is often a fluid thing - if a person generally enjoys being penetrated but sometimes wants to penetrate that’s fine, these things aren’t boxes you’re being shoved into no matter how hard people will try to frame it that way. The fact that it’s so prevalent with mlm relationships highlights how people are still forcing this idea that one has to be masculine and one has to be feminine. You know that disgusting “Oh so who’s the wife in the relationship?” joke with gay marriage? This is pretty much just a less in your face version of that. Both can be really masculine men. Both can be really effeminate men. Both can be *gasp* mixes of both because essentially nobody is purely masculine or purely feminine? It’s a gay relationship with two men loving each other for the men that they are. Please stop trying to slot it into your ‘everything has to mirror straight relationships so that I can understand it without shifting my perspective in the slightest’ and instead think about the fact that love is a genderless, sexless thing and everyone will show it in their own distinct way regardless of their identity. 

Now why is it so often Joe who’s the strong, masculine, protective, violent one and Nicky who’s the soft, sweet, forgiving, vulnerable one? If Joe is the penetrator and that’s masculine, why are those masculine traits? If Nicky is the one penetrated and that’s effeminate, why are those effeminate traits? (The answers are sexism and racism, sorry for the spoilers). The fact that the person of color is the being slotted into the “strong man who’ll kill for his love and has explosive anger” spot arbitrarily while ignoring like 80% of what we see of him in the movie isn’t a coincidence. So let’s not be racist and look at that 80% of what we see of him in the movie! We do see him kill people. We also see him hug Andy and laugh with his family. We also see him care deeply for children he’s never met who don’t even exist in reality. We see him profess his eternal love for his husband - not to rescue him or punch people for him, but to be able to reach out and softly touch him to make sure he’s okay. Sometimes people forget that Nicky killed all those men in the van, too. People will also use the “You shot Nicky. You shouldn’t have done that.” line as proof for Overly Violent Joe. In reality, it’s a man who’s just been through trauma seeing his husband, the love of his eternal life, murdered in front of him. What does he do next? Does he give him an extremely painful wound and leave him to bleed out in agony? No. He snaps his neck, killing him instantly, because if he doesn’t kill that man he will kill his whole family. Joe has the capacity to kill and we see it time and time again, but more than that he has the intense capacity to love and feel with a rare external openness. That’s what the other 80% of the movie shows about Joe. Seeing a brown man killing and ignoring the gentle grounding touches he gives or the exuberant joy he expresses is bad enough. Turning around doing the opposite for the white character he’s with is even worse. Yes, Nicky cooks and makes silly bets with his family members and cares deeply about the ones he loves and the vulnerable people of the world who he doesn’t even know - and he also kills. He shoots people, he stabs people, he sleeps with weapons under his pillow, and he protects his family with fierce precision. He’s a sniper. Ignoring this side of him and ignoring the softness of Joe both makes Joe into the harmful, racist stereotype of a violent brown man and turns Nicky into someone incapable who would hinder the team. They all have the capacity for violence and they’re damn good at it and they all love each other in their own ways and Joe and Nicky are both damn good at that too. Ignoring either of those things in either person is diminishing their characters and succumbing to harmful stereotypes.

I hope that this post didn’t come across as attacking anyone - my intention was to point out the harmful discourse and why it’s harmful. As I said earlier, I only hope that we can  be better than our history and learn to change our frames of mind so that we can think of everyone as people beyond the surface traits that our biases make us see them through. 

TL;DR: Sexual roles and who penetrates who has nothing to do with personality, forcing that idea that one is more masculine than the other is both sexist and hetero-normative in a really icky way, not all sex has to be penetrative to begin with, and ignoring Joe’s softness while ignoring Nicky’s violence is racist and diminishes both their characters in the movie and the hard work that that actors and director did to make complex and interesting humans to watch. So don’t do it please, thank you. 

[rrandomtthings]

Judging you based on your Sanders Sides kin(s):

Hey guys!! Just a quick message to say that there are dark themes ahead (i.e. what the sides are going through and how that may reflect on you). Please be cautious going forward. Please read the message after each individual character (especially if you kin that character) as those messages are to spread positivity and love. Also, please note that points that are made may not apply to you and that’s okay. These are just assumptions, which also means that not every one of them is true. Love you all and stay safe <33

Virgil:

You probably really like MCR and maybe Greenday. You also probably tend to really like the emo characters from different TV shows and you also really like Disney but don’t really talk about it too much. Along with that, you feel like you can’t always be yourself. That, if you express how you really feel, you’ll only end up hurt. You feel that you have to hide apart of you because you’re either too ashamed or too afraid to express it. You also may or may not have a huge secret that has been on your mind as of recent.

*** Don’t be ashamed or afraid, as long as it isn’t anything that would potentially harm someone, express yourself. We would all love to see the real you, not the you that you’re making yourself out to be. The secret part at the end was more of a joke, but it could still really apply to Virgil kinnies. If this secret has been something on your mind, talk to someone who you really trust about it. It could be someone with no involvement at all so you could get an outside percpective. It’s better to let out those inner feelings before it’s too late. Remember that you have this and I’m proud of you :)) love ya!

Patton:

You’re the parent of your friend group. You are the friend that helps your friend(s) when they’re injured. You are the medic on scene, the one who truly thinks about whether this option is the best option. You are also super extroverted and love to chat around with others and make sure that everyone feels atleast a little bit of love. However, you also put others before you put yourself. You tend to put their priorities over your priorities. You also probably have high expectations for yourself.

*** Just remember that you should put yourself over others. Yes, it is important to be selfless when you can rather than when you want. Everyone always wants to be selfless, but there is a distinct line between when you should and shouldn’t. Also, don’t set yourself to these high standards. Yes, you should always try to achieve bigger and better things, but not if it’ll lead to harm. Please, just, put yourself first and ask for help when you need it. We are all here with you and love you kiddos !! You go take that second cookie and enjoy it <3

Logan:

You’re honestly just kind of done with everyone’s bullshit. You probably wish that people would pay more attention to you and stop portraying you as this one individual thing. You are also probably scared to express your emotions. Probably thinking that others are gonna cast your emotions aside and/or you feel like you’re not wanted so your emotions aren’t either. You’re also probably sick of everyone assuming that you’re super smart because you’re a Logan kinnie. That’s not to say that you aren’t, but that assumption probably gets on your nerve after a while.

*** Just remember, don’t be afraid to talk to people about your feelings. You are not a burden. You are wanted. We all love you so, so much. Please realize that you are needed and your feelings do indeed matter. Talk to someone when you need it and remember that there is more to you then what others see. Don’t be afraid to express that you <3

Remus:

You probably really like rewatching old vine compilations on YouTube and laugh even though you’ve probably watched that vine atleast 15 times. Youre also probably super into horror movies. You dont give two shits about what others think about you and you just kind of do your own thing. However, you also probably view yourself as second best and always in someone’s shadow.

*** Please remember that you are important. You are not second best. Despite what anyone says, you are needed. You are just as important as anyone else and we all really appreciate and love you all :)))

Janus:

You’re super into politics and probably think that Trump is awful (rightfully so). For real, you’re probably gonna be the next president one day, I swear. However, you’re also always so mistreated. No one allows you to speak your mind without bashing you. However, you still are vocal. Others may have a hard time letting you speak, but you don’t let that hold you back. You also only want the best for others.

*** Remember that your opinion does matter. Like I said, one of y’all are probably gonna be the president one day. You are just as important as anyone else. We need you and appreciate you so much. Thank you for looking out for others even when they may not be looking out for you. Love you <33

Orange side:

You’re honestly just kind of thriving rn and, quite honestly, can’t blame you. Probably just sitting in the back with some tea watching everything go down. You probably have a twitter account and are just keeping up with all the drama. You’re doing great sweetie, love ya :D

Roman:

No doubt, you are 100% a theatre nerd/ and or love Disney. Spotify? Full of Hamilton, Wicked, Newsies, Falsettos, Moana, etc. However, even though you may be really loud and seem really confident, you are super insecure. You hate being compared to others— if anything you fear it. You feel like your opinions don’t matter and that you’re better off just standing to the side sometimes. You feel like sometimes you can be super mean and it’s something that bothers you like no tomorrow. However, you are super apologetic. You realize the wrong in your actions and do your very best to correct it, no matter how little or big it is, you own up to your mistakes.

*** Please, just, talk to someone. Insecurities are not something that should be held in. You need to talk to someone about those insecurities, let other people know how you’re feeling rather than keeping it all in. Also, your opinion matters. You matter. Please, don’t stand off to the side because we need you. You are our hero. Love you guys so much, remember we are always there for you <33

Oh gosh, this was supposed to be like two sentences per character,, but I don’t regret it. These characters have so much depth to them that I wouldn’t be doing them or their kins justice by putting two or so sentences. Kinning a TSS character at the moment probably isn’t only for the sunshine and rainbows. Also, please let me know if I missed tagging anything. I love you all so much, please don’t forget that. You all matter. You are all needed. I love every single one of you (I really can’t emphasize that enough) have a good day/night <33