#the ending is rough because i didn’t get to that part yet lol

[purple-ravaged]

here is an incomplete wip!! i’ve been teasing this kakashi pmv for ages and never actually uploaded anything… here’s anything

[visionsofmagic]

they like to share you. ✭ 2 ✭

➤ bi han, kuai liang, tomas [lin kuei brothers]

・゜✭・.  part 2 out of 2 | previous | m.

✧.* nsfw, mdni!, f!reader, gang bang, edging, pet names, humiliation, degradation, roughness, cruelty, double penetration, hair pulling, begging, crying, oral > m! receiving & f! receiving, overstimulation, anal sex, oral sex, orgasm control, claiming, biting, size difference, clothes on/off, praising, cumming, no protection, exhibitonism, watching, sloppy kissing, lin kuei brothers being lin kuei brothers, ‘s all I guess? • wc: 4.8k • roses’ notes: oh, this is the most horny shit I have ever wrote & I hope it is good enough because I was (s)creaming as I read it over and over again lol, and it contains a huge tag list full of nsfw content. just bear this horny thing with me while having fun. enjoy! [can do part 3 if you want to! *kiss*]

≛ you have no idea how you end up in a situation like the one you’re in now – it would be a lie if you said you had never imagined it. the dreams of being in this right moment wandered around your mind. they didn’t reach this far, but there were the times you tried not to think about it, breaking yourself while clenching your thighs together, the sin taking you as a whole and eating you alive; however now, it is the most sinful thing you’re doing contrary to simply dreaming about it. until this exact moment, you couldn’t believe you would face such sin – yet, every nerve of your body screamed that it was the most extraterrestrial feeling you have ever felt.

it’s not the sin of being a naughty woman who thinks about the lin kuei brothers shamelessly – every single night, until she gets it, no, it’s the sin that carves into your body within the soul.

it’s not the sin that eats you alive either, no, it’s tomas – the most precious boy you have known, having a heartwarming personality thanks to his nature of being innocent and gentle, especially when it comes to you but when you look into his eyes as his head stays between your thighs that can crush him any time soon (which he will take gladly), tongue going in and out of your pussy that soaking wet into his face and neck. only the sight of it can make you cum into his face but you try to hold it, eyes directed into his that are full of tears of having your greedy pussy as the way he needs, a reflection of you the proof of the sin that has just started.

and being eaten, sucked, and licked by tomas is not the only thing you’re getting.

as you pump yourself harder into his hungry mouth, wanting him to drow with your taste, feeling a bit need of dominance manner, you throw your head back when kuai liang pinchs your hardened nipples, not paying attention to how his younger brother lies on the bed, you’re above him, heat is flowing in your veins, making you feel another sense of exposeness while being naked, completely, as they stay still with their clothes on.

“kuai liang –“ you try to say, earning another pinch at your nipple, body jolts at the action as he stays behind you, on his foot. he watches your face closely unlike bi han who is sitting on his armchair, leaning against it, one hand under his masked face, elbow resting on the side of the armchair as his cold gazes travel on three of you, watching as if there is a special show for him.

“yes, princess?” kuai liang asks, looking at how your hands get into tomas’ grey hair, pulling it and moving your hips faster – he gets that you’re close, they all do.

“I’m – I’m clos – aaaahh – tomas!”

tomas leaves a cute chuckle, proud of himself, when you can’t finish your sentence with the impact of his tongue – or the way he eats you so hungrily, as if he will die if he can’t have the lovely taste you have. his hands find your ass, pushing you further against him, the desire of being the first one who makes you cum caging him.

kuai liang, wanting to help you reach it faster, wanting to see you cum so that he can have you afterward, holds you by the chin, lifting your head up so that he can kiss you passionately, swelling your moans inside his mouth. one of your hands find his cheek, pulling him closer while the other one stays inside tomas’ hair, caressing it to find a source of steadiness when two lin kuei brothers capture you as the oldest one watches the scene before him.

when you break the kiss, moaning loudly because of being so close, you hear a voice – the one that gives a chill down your spine.

“did I allow you to do that?” bi han asks, sounding colder than ever – is he doing it on purpose? you can’t decide yet, mind is so dizzy.

“w-what?” you ask, knowing both of lin kuei brothers are also surprised at their older brother’s sudden words, eyes turning to him – all of you look at him.

he only rises an eyebrow, “did I allow you to cum?”

“but bi han –“

“but brother –“ you and tomas try to find an excuse to make him let you cum; to reach the climax you need for your part, and to be able to lick it – getting the taste of your sweet juice for tomas’ part are the reasons behind why you sound like begging.

“you will cum when I say,” then, he crosses his arms as if he isn’t the one who is edging you. looking at kuai liang’s face, he tilts his head in the direction of your body, “pick her up.”

furrowing because of being so close yet so far away from your climax, you see tomas apologizing silently, not understanding his older brother’s intentions truly until he feels kuai liang picking your body up by holding your waist and putting you down again – right on tomas’ hardened cock that you moan when your bare aching pussy touch it through the fabric of his thin training pants.

it seems kuai liang is the only one who can acknowledge the pure intentions of bi han as he whispers into your ear, hands rising up, reaching your breasts that bounce lightly with the impact of your moving hips on tomas – without giving any mind to it, just wanting to feel something.

“my love, bear it a little longer,” he says, caressing your breasts, sending a different jolt of pleasure to your body – the slow burn of it increases the fire you have inside that is ready to break free. “tomas,” he then says after taking a quick glance at bi han’s direction to see whether he is doing it right or not. “she’s ready enough.”

“are you?” tomas asks, the palms replace on your cheeks as he rises, getting closer as you sit on his lap in full display – there is a bit of shame left, the one will have vanished soon after you understand what will come next. “if you want to stop, we can – I can. just say and –“

you stop him in mid-sentence. being such a caring person, even in moments like this – maybe mostly in moments of proximity at the highest level, he wants to be sure that you want this – with your whole heart and soul. and you do. with a smile, you nod, putting a kiss on his lips, both loving and lustful, earning a few whimper sounds from the man, you hold the edge of his pants, lowering it down to free his aching cock where it stays, “please tomas –“ you say, “I need you to fill me up.”

not expecting this boldness from you, he freezes for a moment before deciding you’re in a state that all of these things they do to you – and will do soon enough, are a matter of life and death – or sin and love if you are being honest.

he holds himself from swearing when he feels your bare thighs touching the side of his cock. leaning down on his back again, he puts his hands on your waist, lowering you down step by step, so caressly that you will think that he sees you as a fragile flower.

putting your palms on his bare chest, you turn to kuai liang, eyes teary as you feel tomas thickness getting inside of your warm walls. it’s already too much but you need more – you carve more. there are lots of reasons why you’re being so nasty; first, being a whore for them as bi han uttered (how can he always be right about you?), second, you love them all, and lastly, you want to prove to them, mostly bi han, that you are capable of taking three of them – physically and spiritual.

“take them off,” comes out of your mouth as an order rather than a request, and you feel a kind of power over them when kuai liang doesn’t ask you to know your place, unlike his older brother. as he nods, a cocky smile position on his attractive face. “please.” you finish your words to be gentler but he is already taking his clothes off one by one, eyes never leaving yours, giving you a show while tomas is one step ahead of being inside of you fully.

when you see his perfect sculpture, different in shape and posture than tomas’ delicate, welcoming, and reassuring one, you can’t help but sit on tomas’ cock in one go, want him to rail you up because your mind can’t take it anymore and it’s still too early to be that dizzy! which condition will you be in when there are three of them, you ask yourself, will be there a time like that?

all your unanswered questions disappear when tomas starts moving, wanting to take your eyes off of kuai liang for a moment because he needs to see you losing your mind as he fucks you good – giving everything to you, and receiving you all.

“tomas –“ you cry his name aloud, his tip hitting deep, thickness opening you wider as he keeps pounding into you irregularly – both you and him are new to it and it makes you stay unsteady with unclear minds. he’s too lost in the taste of your pussy that clenches around his length beautifully and you’re having the highness that comes with his thick cock and heavy balls, hitting you mercilessly even when he wants to act attentive, not wanting to hurt you but it feels so good – you feel so good that he swears he is addicted to it already.

“y/n – agghh – I – fuuuagggh!” he nearly swears when he opens his eyes, never realizing he closed them in the first place, and seeing your bouncing breasts, open mouth, teary eyes which are half-closed as you watch his pleasure getting to his face visibly. your nails are scratching his neck.

“tomas! it feels so gooaggghh!” you want to say more; want him to know how good he is at making you see the starts with each thrust he is sending. you feel the amatory and desire at the same time.

“oh, is that so?” bi han’s sharp voice cuts the tension between you and tomas, earning a side eye from you as he chuckles at your attempt to dismiss his words only to feel more of what tomas is giving you.

however, there’s another lin kuei brother who seeks your attention; kuai liang whose hand is on his cock, jerking himself off at the sight of you being fucked by his younger brother, and even from that away, bi han can see how he tries to hold himself, wanting you to be the first one who recognizes his shameless acts, and allowing him to come closer. bi han thinks his brothers are acting as if you’re the most fragile flower on earth – yes you are, but not in the moment. only bi han knows how much a whore-like you can be for them from your previous moments before he decided to let it go.

that’s why he doesn’t stop talking, contrary to that, he puts his elbows on the edge of the armchair, hands united as he leans closer from where he sits, eyes on you, “then be a fucking good girl and take another needy cock in that hole of yours gladly and thank them for it, my pretty slut.”

even in a moment like this, he can’t help but be possessive over you – which makes him call you his rather than indicating that you belong to three of them, not only bi han but who you are to judge now, especially after being a fucktoy for his younger brothers after desiring it for a long time.

tears flow down your face as you keep bouncing on tomas’ cock, already too lost in the high that feels like you take a dozen of aphrodisiacs. the power they hold over you cannot be prevented, you don’t want either, so, you nod with obedience, holding yourself together enough to reach for kuai liang’s hand. putting his warm hand on your abdomen, you make him come closer while listening tomas’ whimpers and low moans that he leaves with great shyness – unlike his brothers, he’s the most closed one when it comes to expressing his feelings and thoughts loudly.

he’s more open when there are only two of you. however, you can say that he’s close to breaking when you begin to talk with kuai liang between your moans.

“let me, fire boy,” you say, smirking down at him as you start jerking him off, making him get ready. another sense of pleasure strolls through your body when kuai liang leaves a growl – it’s more animalistic than you can ever imagine, and its effects become visible on you too when he pumps his cock into your fist without thinking, only using pure instincts. you begin to think how you will handle not only tomas’ thick cock but also kuai liang’s that stands with all its glory; warm inside your palm, leaking precum, and twitching at the sight of your ass.

seeing his younger brother’s cock disappearing and appearing again as he fucks you creates a flame in kuai liang because now he can see what bi han was talking about – how he didn’t realize what his brother meant by calling you a slut for them in the first place, but now, he is witnessing it; he sees how you look at his veined cock while taking tomas’ cock. it’s clear that you want him to join.

and who he is to decline your silent offer? he can fight a hundred men if you want him to – but he can’t stop when he has you – they have you. he’s a gentle lover, he really is. maybe he cannot show it as delicate as tomas’ love or as cruel as bi han’s. he knows you don’t seek it too. you have fallen for them for who they are, and kuai liang burns with the desire to show how his love is by claiming you as theirs.

feeling tomas’ cock on your abdomen, he loses his mind, and the last logical thing in his mind is to go easy on you as he makes his way to filling your empty hole.

“pff,” he hears bi han’s scoff mocking his cowardly acts; still holding himself back from waiting until you cum and relax a little bit. he looks into your begging eyes when bi han adds, “just fuck her already. I can say that she’s a step ahead of begging even from this far,” then, he chuckles lowly, “oh maybe you should stay a bit longer brother. her begging is pretty delightful to hear. isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

closing your eyes, a tear drops onto your face but it stops on your cheek when kuai liang puts his palm on your face, cleaning it with such tenderness that you open your eyes again. not crying because of bi han’s words, no, they only add more pleasure, you let kuai liang put a few kisses on your forehead, assuring you that it will be fine – it will be euphoric and you believe him.

nodding, you turn your face to tomas after saying, “do what you want with me baby. I can take it.” to kuai liang.

leaving yourself at his mercy, you put your hand on tomas’ chest again, feeling his heartbeat under your fingertips, tickling the skin because of how fast it is going up and down in sync with his cock that can break you into two if he wants to. “fuuuccckk – yes, yes!” you scream in joy, evoking wildness in them without knowing, too occupied with yourself and tomas’ cock that keeps hitting your sweet spots over and over again after he earns the most beautiful sound out of you. “there! fuuucckk tomas – so good, please, please, baby – keep aggghhh keeeep fucking me like that!”

“of course, of course, my goddess –“ tomas sounds as if he’s at the edge of crying thanks to your own pleasure. the man under you flying in the sky not only because he’s fucking you, but also because every part of your body shouts out that he’s very good at it. he finds a greater saturation with your delight. “anything for my favorite lady – agghhh – anything for you!”

after a time, you can’t tell how much because the acknowledgment of time has stopped working, you feel kuai liang’s lips touching your ear, his voice gets under your skin as he says, a hand on your back, pushing you onto tomas’ chest, “I am so sorry,” you don’t understand the true meaning behind his speech, you just arch your back slowly, hands position on the sides of tomas head, hardened nipples touch his chest, and a curse with loud whimpers escape from the man under you. “I tried to hold myself but I can’t help but be a slave to my itching desire to hear you moan my name as you did for tomas.”

realization hits you when your whole body connects with tomas’, making his cock go deeper and reach the places neither of you can expect. two of you are a mess like that; slow thrusts, moans, sweats, and looking at kuai liang’s eyes, having orange colored flames in them.

tomas’ breathes on your neck, chest to chest, you watch kuai liang’s fingers disappear behind you, and you arch your back when they get into your empty hole. putting your forehead between tomas’ neck and shoulder, you bite your own lips, a painful moan comes from you, making tomas look at you worriedly. “brother!” he warns his older brother, palm capturing the side of your face, caressing it so that you can relax between his arms that he wraps around your smaller body – he’s the most protective one among his brothers. “you’re hurting her – you should stop –“

“it’s okay tomas,” you say, kissing his chin to show that you mean it, and kuai liang is already gone, fingers never stopping, adding another one to get you ready sooner. the pain is more receivable now, mixed with the excitement of taking kuai liang behind. new tears appear on your face after kuai liang takes his fingers out of your now wider hole, hands on your hips, positioning you to stay still as his tip gets into you slowly. “I can – aggh! I can take him – too!”

“shhh –“ tomas says, trying to hold you still to help his brother. there is no selfishness in tomas’ heart for sharing you with his older brothers. he knows how they need you like they need air to breathe – and at some point, he believes they need you more than that to keep themselves alive – to keep living. “everything will be fine, pretty lady,” he puts kisses on wherever he can reach; cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, shoulder – wherever your body need to calm down. “just a bit longer to get used to.”

you trust in him more than you do for yourself; and his words’ rightness comes into life after kuai liang thrusts in and out of your hole, making it get used to his thick length, and in the end, you find yourself begging him – begging them to go harder, deeper, and rougher.

bi han’s mocking can be hearable that you can’t care less, “told you how a slut she really is, taking both of your cocks that gladly.” you’re focused on taking them so good that an unspoken fact fills the air completely; they will never get rid of you – this – yes, both tomas and kuai liang love the sincere and tender bond they have with you, yes, they love you entirely and this is beyond their strength of staying away from you for your own good – no, they cannot even spend a minute without you being there for them after this. they will carve for more; bi han isn’t the only one who will do anything to have you beside him.

you don’t know whose name is leaving your dry, half-opened mouth; you don’t care either. nonetheless, it’s obvious whatever you say is enough for them to fuck you deeper, rougher, and harder because when your back connects with kuai liang’s chest that burns with the hottest temperature, hands holding tomas’ thick arms, they begin to thrust into you at the same time rather than going in and out one by one, one of the lin kuei brothers’ cock filling you up as the other one is leaving its place so that you will not break into pieces.

and you swear it feels better – not better, no, the best in this way; they leave your holes alone, aching for another thrust, and as if they can hear your holes – your pussy and ass begging loudly, they thrust into you back, filling you up fully.

kuai liang whose palms stay on your hips fucks you rougher than tomas, having an animalistic wildness with his fucking, growling and moaning into your ear lowly, biting your shoulder from time to time; sending overstimulation over your body and taking a branch to hold on to so that he can stay as rational as he can – it’s just that his own fist wasn’t enough, as he realizes, and unlike your mouth, your hole that clenches around his length something else – and he cannot imagine how your pussy would feel. he has pure envy over his younger brother but tomas needs to be the first one after bi han as kuai liang proposed when bi han told them that you would be ready for them, and he could never be more right.

tomas is sky high – its marks are on his focused face that lightened up with lust and sin, and a great amount of love. his hands on your thighs, holding them tight, probably leaving red marks like how kuai liang’s hands will on your hips, wanting to act normally but can’t; his cock is intoxicated with the taste of your pussy that creamed it like his entire body that is intoxicated with you fully. it’s beyond his own imagination – and he will have this moment in his mind until his last breath. the cute lin kuei brother has a habit of daydreaming about you and the memories you have shared; every detail is in his mind.

tomas’ obsession over you is not a joke, and being pathetic – a mess for you proves it right – his love is no less than his brothers and he can say you witness it when he begs for you to let him cum inside your womb.

“my goddess, please, please, let me – aaaghh I – I – I need it – ohhh, hmmpp! let me cum i-inside!”

before you reply to his begs, you hear kuai liang saying the same thing as he holds you by the chin, fingers pushing down the flesh under them, taking a lick from your neck, “yes, princess, will you? say yes, please, pretty love, let us cum inside – agggh – gggh – need it! right, tomas? we need it.”

“tomas – aggghh k- kuai liang – I –“

you are stopped by the oldest lin kuei brother whose presence is beginning to know by all three of you when you turn to the side and see him standing up with all his glory; the mask is no longer on his face, a hand on his belt, furrowing down at you, eyes directed at yours, sending vibration of danger, “haven’t I teach you to ask for it? I know my brothers are too lost to think straight but, you,” his fingers touch your chin, turning your head to him entirely, taking all of your focus on him as his younger brothers keep fucking you without stopping even for a second – they simply can’t, you suppose.

“my beautiful slut,” he humiliates you by making you clench around two cocks you are taking and sending a jolt to the owners of them, “isn’t it enough that you cum undone without my permission that you will let them cum inside without asking for it?”

“w-what?” you question, spending some time to understand it and looking down, you see your cream–wetness shining on their cocks. when you cum undone? fuck, how much your brain fucked up by them?! “I – I am so sorry bi han, I didn’t know – aggghh – fuck – I didn’t –“ words of forgiveness go into deaf ears as bi han lowers his head, and without a second thought, he begins to kiss your lips as if he tries to prove the rightful owner of them – and your aching lips asks for more, tongue darting inside his mouth, and he lets you – his cruelty vanishes for a moment as he makes love with you by using his cold lips that get warmer within yours.

“mhhhhpp – bi han – aahhhh –“ coldness hits your breasts when he cups them and plays with each one of them attentively.

“well, one of your holes is still empty, right?” he leaves you, unzipping his belt and taking his pants off until it reaches his thick thighs, showing his hardened cock as it hits his abdomen. he smirks when you open your mouth wider even though he doesn’t ask you for it – it’s like an instinct now. you watch him put his knees on the bed, not looking at how pathetic his brothers look as they wait for you two to be done.

“good girl.” bi han praises you when your lips wrap around his length, mouth taking it so well as always and he keeps his praising after you begin to work on his cock, a hand gripping his thigh to pull him closer, to have it all inside your greedy mouth. his right-hand finds your hair, caressing it firstly, then pulling it roughly, “fucking good girl – taking my cock like that –“ he then chuckles at the sight in front of him; tomas fucking crying under you as he keeps edging himself, eyes beg for a release, and kuai liang losing the last crumbles of his mind as he pounds into your mercilessly.

looking down at you, he sees your shining eyes looking at both his cock full of veins and leaking your salvia mixing with his precum, and he curses underneath his breath; you’re his obedient slut as he tells but in addition to that, you belong to him – long before you have fallen for his brothers. it boosts its ego. “taking my brothers’ cocks as well. tell me, are they good, hm?”

“y-yes,” you say, moans low, strong, audible, “they’re too good – I – fuuuuck – I want them to cu-cum – into me.”

“oh, is that so?” he questions, knowing there’s only one thing he needs to do; so, he does it. shutting your please by filling your mouth again, this time rougher than before, he fucks your mouth with the way his brothers fuck your other two holes; “then, let us all cum into you at the same time. after all, you are made for me,” he adds, “for us.”

humming, you nod, sucking, licking, and drinking him off, and at the same time, you cum again – alerting for them to cum as well and it seems that it happens all of sudden – they cum in sync after a few more powerful thrusts that they send to your very core and hole – and wasn't it hold of them on you, you would collapse into the void after you tomas cum into your pussy, kuai liang explodes into your ass, and bi han filling your mouth fully.

with the last rope to unite you with reality, you drink every drop of bi han’s semen, lin kuei’s cum fills your womb beautifully.

collapsing into tomas’ arms, your whole body aches, exhaustion hitting, mouth dry, and except that, every place on your body is covered with wetness. you don’t feel any regret, contrary to that, it seems you have made the right decision of your lifetime.

the fear that is not acknowledged by you vanishes in thin air as tomas speak into your ear, “my goddess, you did so well for us. now, rest, and don’t worry, we will take good care of you.”

and with that promise and the trust you have for lin kuei brothers, you fall into his chest closer as the sweet ropes of sleep cover your body. the last thing you remember is how much you find yourself lucky to have them.

[tonyboneysblog]

MOTHER HEN: PART FIVE

parings: hawks x mother!reader

word count: 4.1k

warnings: none (probably)

notes: DADDYS HOME, sorry it took so mfing long…

summary: you, the mother of Fumikage Tokoyami, are just a simple nurse! Who caught the eye of a certain pro…

the weekend.

Now previously you agreed to go to the bar with all of your friends because they convinced you that you worked far too much and needed a break!

sounds simple enough.

What you didn’t know though is that the day before you were supposed to go out onto the town, the hospital decides to kick you in the ass with an all nighter.

Now here you are stumbling back home after one of the longest shifts of your entire life.

Walking into to your warm home you immediately spot Fumikage on the couch, yet again not getting any sleep, you’ve told him multiple times to stop doing that.

He peeks his head towards he door and smiles.

“You were gone for a while, I was worried..”

nevermind, your not angry that he’s up late anymore.

“sorry, they couldn’t let me go..”

Fumikage sits up from the couch, “I’m gonna pull their ear about that one day, y’know?”

“Yea, and I’m gonna pull the schools ear for making you always injured somehow…I better not see you get hurt at that stupid festival.”

Fumikage huffs out a laugh, “I’m quite excited to be able to show off infront of pros.”

“You always show off.” You smack his head playfully, then kissing it.

Fumikage sees your figure walking away, “Are you off to bed?”

“Yea and you should be too..”

Fumikage smiles, “I will, goodnight mama.”

“Night Fumi..” you walk into your bedroom, closing the door and shedding yourself from your clothes.

You’re too tired to shower now, usually you do after work but after you fell asleep and busted your forehead in the shower you decide not to ever again.

Fumikage must’ve been scared out of out of his pants seeing blood all over your shower like some murder scene…

So you cuddle into your soft nest, warm and fluffy just how you like it.

drifting slowly until…

*DING*

Your phone vibrates.

You angrily shoot yourself up from the covers, who dares to rip you away from the sleep you barely get??

birdbrain

you up?

Hawks? Texting you at 6:00 in the morning?

well it’s not that uncommon, he’s always texting at weird times anyway.

pretty lady

barely, just got off work.

birdbrain

Oh sorry, rough day?

pretty lady

Not rough, just long lol

pretty lady

why are you up? late patrol

or smth?

birdbrain

Nah my patrol ended hours ago

birdbrain

Just can’t sleep

Your heart aches for hawks, though you can’t understand the whole ‘cant’t sleep’ thing, you know Fumikage can…that’s because he’s a worry wart though.

You used to deal with nightmares but that was usually from Ryuji’s quirk.

pretty lady

does that make me your

booty call?

birdbrain

Haha. No just like talking to you.

birdbrain

Should probably stop though

cause you need your beauty rest

pretty lady

Yea, sleep good hawks

birdbrain

I will now

Hawks was really a sweet friend, always there for you somehow.

Now you can sleep peacefully without any interruptions.

Without any fears of dreaming anything terrible or bad.

but that was the opposite for hawks.

Truthfully he only texted you to get awake, he was always alert if you were involved.

It’s not that sleep escaped him it was that he was escaping sleep. He didn’t want to go to dream land, dream land was scary as hell for him now.

Even describing them is out of his reach, he does wish he could talk to someone about them but they feel so graphic and personal that he doesn’t want to.

He’s bets he could talk to you about it, maybe if you got some alcohol in him.

Maybe you’d scratch his scalp with his head in your lap, humming some tune you came up with in your head.

Maybe you’d kiss him too, if he was lucky.

It was a good idea for hawks to text you, he feels better thinking about all the silly things he’d like so much to do with you.

So, he drifts off too with you in his mind.

and it’s the same for you.

Until Fumikage wakes you up of course, not even in a gentle way either.

“Mama, wake up.”

“No.”

“Mom…get up.”

“Five more minutes…”

Fumikage sighs, “fine, you asked for it.”

You feel someone grab your ankles then rip you off of your comfy and warm nest!

You yelp, “damit Fumikage!”

“You wouldn’t get up.”

“I’m the adult here, not you…”

“Are you? You’re acting like a kid before you get up for school mama…” he says judgingly.

“Hey now, you were the worst morning person I’ve ever met when you started kindergarten.” You sigh while getting up from the floor.

“What time it Fumi?”

“2:00”

“Ah okay…” you whip your head towards him, “wait-2:00?!”

“I mean you got home at 6:00, it’s not terrible…”

You were supposed to be at your friend’s house by 4:00, too bad for you she lives an hour away.

“Oh gosh- thank you Fumi you sweet baby angel.”

“What would you do without me?”

“Be dead I guess? I have to start getting ready to meet up with some friends.” You say hurriedly while running towards the shower.

Fumikage follows you, “what time will you be home?”

You dip behind the frosty shower door, Fumikage usually sits next to the shower just to talk to you and the glass parts of the shower are basically opaque.

“Probably late? There’s frozen pizza in the fridge.”

“I don’t like it when you go clubbing…”

You raise your eyebrows, “why’s that?”

“Because hungover you is the worst you, always so sassy.” He whispers the last part but you still hear it.

“Says you, edge lord.”

He gasps, “You said you liked my style?!”

“Your style is just me in high school, half your shirts are mine.”

He scoffs, “whatever…”

you giggle softly then you can hear your phone ding.

“Is that Tori?”

Fumikage grabs your phone and checks it, “bird brain? Do you have other bird sons I don’t know about mother?”

You blush, “Don’t be stupid, it’s just a nickname for…”

Do you really wanna tell Fumikage about hawks?

no.

“For Emi, you know her damned scatterbrain”

Fumikage laughs, “I do from your story’s.”

“What’s the time?”

“2:07”

You turn off the water and hop out the shower with a towel wrapped tightly around you.

Making your way towards your vanity, you do a quick face of makeup- you almost look like a teenager again…

next was caking on the setting spray, your makeup will stay no matter what tonight.

“Time?”

“2:37”

You quickly do your hair in a small updo, keeping it down with hairspray.

Then rushing towards your closet trying to find all your old clubbing outfits.

it’s been awhile okay?!

Until you find your gorgeous short red dress that sparkled if it hit the light just right.

Great, perfect even.

it’s old though, hopefully it fits…

But it does! Quite Nicely actually.

“Time?”

“2:56”

Well it was time to haul yourself to the car so you won’t be late, you like being at places on the dot..maybe even two minutes early if you’re feeling frisky.

Making your way downstairs, you grab you bag and turn towards Fumikage.

“How do I look?”

“Same as usual.”

“Fumikage.” You say sternly.

“Great mama, don’t bring no one home.” He jokes, you think?

You kiss and ruffle his feathers, “I’ll see you later Fumi.”

He nods, and you walk as quickly as you can to your car and finally drive to your friends house.

Now after all the hurry you showed up at 3:06, not your best time.

Knocking on the door you can hear your friends excitedly running towards it.

Your friend screams loudly,“Y/N!”

“Tori!”

“I havent seen you in forever!” Tori exclaims dramatically.

“It’s been like a month…”

“A month without my precious baby.”

The two of you laugh and make your way to the living room, seeing the rest of your friends.

“Y/N, I see you’re five minutes late!”

“Oh shut it, Kami.” You say playfully.

Tori speaks up, “How Fumikage? Haven’t seen him around.”

“He’s good, got into U.A.”

They all start cheering loudly, you feel prideful.

“U.A.- Y/N that’s amazing!”

“I know, I know, my son’s fricking amazing.” You say with pride.

Another one of your friends, taka, tries to change the subject, you’d prefer to keep talking about your awesome son but it’s whatever.

“Tori, how far away is the club?”

Tori chuckles nervously, “bout an hour away…I heard it’s really good!”

Kami groans, “Tori, what the fuck.”

“I drove an hour to get here Tori!” You exclaim.

“I know, but it’s really good I promise, tons of hot babes for you Y/N!”

Kami rolls her eyes, “I bet the waits even fucking longer.”

“Hey, no cussing to be cool in this house!”

Kami sighs, “I’m just expressing my feelings!”

You barge into the conversation with concern, “I don’t need some babe…”

All your friends stop speaking for a moment until Taka speaks up.

“Y/N, you haven’t dated anyone since Ryuji.”

“Yea well Ryuji taught me I don’t need a man.”

“Doesn’t Fumikage need a father, that was your excuse for getting with him…”

“Fumikage is 16, he’s okay.”

Tori joins the conversation, “yea well, live a little will ya? You don’t need a boyfriend but you could use a hot and steamy night with someone!”

“Tori…”

“What? I’m right aren’t I…?” Tori looks around towards the everyone else.

“Just keep an open mind okay?” Kami says softly.

You’ve always kept an open mind, you don’t need some one night stand…you’re perfectly fine without any…physical romance.

“Fine, I will- I’m not bringing anyone home though.”

“Why’s that?” Tori chuckles softly.

“Fumikage said not to.”

The room bursts into laughter, you weren’t joking though…you and Fumikage respect each-other.

Tori claps her hands together, “Now, let’s get on to that club!”

The four of you pile into Tori’s small, blue car and prepare for the long drive to the amazing club she’s talking so highly about.

once you arrive it takes almost the same amount of time to get there to actually get into the place.

She wasn’t joking when she said the place was popular, looked expensive too.

When you walked in you could see beautiful decrorations, the bar was even better because it apparently had that ‘good old shit’ according to Kami.

Poor Fumikage was probably all alone at home…you did tell him he could invite some U.A. friends but he declined.

But there was someone else at your house.

“What’re you doing here.” Fumikage said aggressively.

Hawks throws his hands up in a surrender, “just wanted to see if your mom was home, kid!”

Fumikage sighs while shaking his head, “well she isn’t home, leave.”

“You can’t hide your mom away from me.”

“Do wanna check the fucking walls or something? I’m telling you the truth.”

Hawks chuckles, “quite the sailor’s mouth you got there, I’ll tell your mama you’ve been shouting at me in tongues.”

“That’s not even what tongues is.”

“Well maybe she’ll send you to some boarding school to get the demon out of you.”

“My mother would never do that, yours probably did already though, crazy old man.” Fumikage spits back.

Well, ouch.

“I’m younger than your mom.”

“Are you sure? I mean you probably have the IQ of a seven year old but you look like how old Ivan the Terrible would be today!” Fumikage says sarcastically.

Hawks expression drops slightly, how could someone as amazing as you raise a little monster like him??

“I’ll call your mom right now, don’t test me.”

Fumikage whips his head towards hawks, agitated.

“Can’t, she’s with friends and she probably won’t answer the phone for someone like you.”

Hawks cocks his head slightly, “she’s out?”

“She has more friends than just you.” Fumikage huffs.

You, the hard working, won’t ever take a break, are doing chill time with girls he’s never heard of?

Or maybe you’re on a date.

Your not but hawks jealous little brain jumps to that conclusion.

Fumikage flops himself onto the couch, dismissing hawks, “no go, you have no business-“

“Who is she on a date with.”

“What…?”

“You heard me.”

Fumikage raises his head to make eye contact with an arms crossed, agitated looking hawks.

Fumikage squints his eyes in annoyance, “I already told you she’s out with friends, though I’m surprised you didn’t already know you stalker…”

“I don’t know, maybe you wanna protect your future step-daddy from being the subject of a documentary.”

The two of them become quiet, Fumikage staring at hawk’s dumbfounded.

“…my mother doesn’t partake in romantic relationships.”

“You don’t have to be all fancy with it.”

“Her words, not mine.”

Then quiet again.

Hawks realizes that Fumikage is most likely not lying, “So where is she…?”

“The club, it’s two hours away from what she told me.”

“What club?”

Fumikage ruffles his feathers on his forehead, “…why can’t you just text her, and why do you ever need her in the first place??”

“I wanted company.”

“Well, get it somewhere else cause my mama ain’t home.”

Hawks sighs…then opens his mouth again to Fumikages dismay.

“How can someone so mean come from such an angel like your mother..?”

“How can my mother talk to someone so ugly and annoying?”

“Ugly is pushing it.”

“Truth hurts, number three.”

Hawks huffs in defeat, you describe Fumikage as a gorgeous little angel…he’s the total opposite.

hawks isn’t even ugly, his fans said so themselves…

he wishes you were a fan of him.

*DING*

Hawks jumps slightly in surprise,“What was that?”

“It was my phone, oh yea it’s my mom too!” Fumikage says happily.

“What she say?”

“Ah, she said…‘don’t let that nasty little pigeon into our house ever again!’…that sucks…”

Hawks stays silent, staring at Fumikage.

“Are you serious…”

“No numbnuts, it was the door bell.”

Usually hawks isn’t this…stupid? There’s just something you do to him, making him all mushy brained.

Fumikage walks over to the door and opens it up, it’s the postal man! With the package you were talking to him about earlier.

It says fragile on the box, now you love opening packages but so does Fumikage.

So he brings it to the kitchen, hawks trailing behind him.

“What’s that?”

“A package my mother ordered.”

Fumikage placed the package down and grabs a knife, tearing the tape away from the cardboard opening the package to see…

a small plush.

One that makes hawks heart stop for a minute.

Fumikage just stares at it, what’s he supposed to say to this?

But Fumikage, your savior, knew for a fact you didn’t want hawks to ever indulge in the fact that you order a plush of him.

It’s already getting to his head, red ears, wings fluttering softly…

Fumikage chuckles, “my cousins birthday is coming up soon…she’s a big fan of you.”

Fumikage can see hawks face deflate…literally like he changed into a different person, specially a spoiled rotten kid who just got told no.

“Fumikage?”

“Hawks.”

“How is your mom gonna get home, aren’t all her friends gonna be drunk?” Hawks questions slowly, almost like he was thinking it over for a while.

Fumikage hums, “good question…”

Fumikage and hawks slowly make eye contact, then reaching the same conclusion.

Go to the bar, save mom, bring mom home.

The to of them race outside, Fumikage about to hop in the car until hawks wraps his arms around him.

He yelps in a high pitched voice, “unhand me you fool!”

“Relax, I can fly faster than car!”

“Oh, right…continue.”

Fumikage and hawks burst into the air,

Though hawks still has no clue what bar your at..he’ll find you.

and a simple text will work as-well .

birdbrain

wya???

pretty lady

the drunken pearl or

some shit like that

birdbrain

thanks babe

pretty lady

what

Location secured!

“I saw that..” Fumikage says softly but aggressively.

“Shut up, you’re wearing some ugly old Batman sweater.”

“It’s my mamas.”

“…it’s a great sweater.”

Fumikage and hawks continue the flight with saying anything else to one another. This is only a slight truce to protect their favorite women, you.

In the corner of hawks eye he spots it.

The drunken Pearl, a piss poor name but who cares when you’re drunk.

Now that line was long, almost longer than hawks d-

no, no hawks.

save y/n from that terribly sullen dirt hole before you let your mind wander of to dirty jokes.

hawks could probably sneak in right? Well not with Fumikage, Fumikages not even wearing a hero uniform and he can’t pull the “I’m a hero, let me in bitch.” strategy.

well, until he notices a little, red keychain on the bouncers keys that are attached to one of his belt loops.

It’s hawks lucky day to be a popular hero.

Hawks immediately flies down to the ground, with a small wave to the bouncer he can already see the external freak out.

The bouncers cheeks go red, “I-I uhm…Mr.Hawks! What brings you here?”

“One of my little lady’s friends is in there, wanna pick her up so she has a ride!” He says cheerfully.

“O-of course! Don’t want anyone getting hurt do we?” He chuckles nervously.

Hawks starts to walk in with Fumikage in tow until, “Sorry but, he can’t go with you..he’ll have to wait in line.”

“Tokoyami stay out here will ya?” Hawks barks an order at him.

Fumikage nods, standing guard with the bouncer.

Hawks makes his way into the brightly lit club, it’s loud too…hurts his ears.

Many body’s are just mushed together, either dancing funky or grinding on eachother.

Honestly hawks looks everyone for you, then spots you near the bar.

and he can feel his knees buckle a little , your a goddess.

There’s a sheen of sweat on you, your wearing a sparkly, short red dress with 2inch red heals that have the cutest golden buckle on them.

He makes his way to you as quickly as he can, you’re talking to a man..you do that a lot for someone who doesn’t want romantic relations.

Never mind talking, you’re flirting, whispering in each other’s ears while giggling. Hawks can feel his heart swell with anger and jealousy.

Why is he talking to you anyways, hawks needs to put a leash on you at this point.

or the other way around, he wouldn’t mind…

stop, bad hawks…focus on your main quest.

Hawks strides over towards you and the parasite, touch your shoulder softly.

You turn around confused, then smile.

“Hawkey!!” You throw your arms around his neck drunkenly..

He hugs back, “Y/n”

“What’re- hic!- doin here?” You say sloppily.

“Came to get you, Fumikage told me a few things..”

“Snitch.”

Hawks chuckles, ignoring the angry man next to you.

“How you feeling?”

“Really tired actually..this nice man was just about to take me to the private room before you came long!”

“Tired huh?”

You yawn, “exhausted…you gon take me home hawkey?”

“Cute nickname, let’s go.” He wraps his arm around your waist, lifting you softly.

Until Mr. Parasite grabs his shoulder.

“Hey, hands off she was mine first.”

“Get the hell off of me.”

He grips his hand tighter, “I already told you-“

“And I thought I told you the get off me.” Hawks says while glaring at the man.

“Look man-“

“I will slit your fucking throat open if I ever see you never her again, do not test me.”

The man’s jaw drops and he backs off slightly as a result from all of hawks threats.

Hawks picks you up bridal style, it’ll be faster to get you out of this place that way.

Hawks soon strolls out of the bumping club with you in his arms, making eye contact with Fumikage. Fumikage raises his arms up, expecting hawks to drop your form into them.

“Nope.”

Fumikage looks confused, “what?”

“Your not holding her”

“She’s my mother.” Fumikage says as if he’s offended.

Then it’s silent, hawks is glaring at him softly like he’ll take you away forever, you never notice.

Fumikage huffs with annoyance, “It’ll be easier to fly us back anyways if I hold her, stop being stubborn.”

Hawks then begrudgingly places you softly into your son’s arms.

Your eyes flutter softly, “Fumi?”

“Go back to sleep mama, you’ll be home soon.”

Hawks wraps his hands around Fumikage and flies off towards your home, now you’ve had many great naps over the years but…

This was probably the best nap you’ve ever had, maybe it’s the being drunk part.

You feel like you’re softly dropping down towards the ground, kinda like what a kid imagines what a cloud would feel like.

Said cloud is actually your nest, almost as warm as you left it.

You vision is slightly blurry, you feel terribly sick.

But soon hawks comes into your view with a glass of water a two small pills.

“Open up, mama bird..” he says softly.

You open your mouth as hawks places the round tablet onto your tongue, tastes disgusting, hawks would probably taste better.

…

Hawks then tilts up your head a makes you start to drink sips of water, you can already sense Fumikage at the doorway watching like a hawk.

“Feel better?”

“Mph..sure.”

hawks chuckles softly, “good, worried me a little yknow?”

You nod softly.

“I had to beat Fumikage just to hang out with me…you would’ve been better company.”

You smile gently, lips pulling together.

“Fumi…”

You can see Fumikages head pop up from his spot near the door.

“Go…bed, now.”

Fumikage sighs, then stalks off towards his bedroom.

Hawks pushed your hair away from your face, “Want me to leave too, sweets?”

You shake your head no, “stay?”

Hawks can feel his heart drop down to his toes.

He climbs over into your nest, your nest…

oh god, he can feel his ears burning already.

You gloss your fingers through hawks wind sweet hair, hitting multiple knots.

“Y/n..”

You look up towards his face, red ears…no his whole face is red this time.

his wings are puffed out, fluttering around with each passing moment.

“Hm..?”

“What’re you..uhm-doing?” Hawks stutters.

“What does it look like…?”

“Looks like you’re paying a little too much attention to me.”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

Oh god he loves it so much.

You sigh, “Lay down, no hovering…”

Hawks immediately lays down next to you on the bed, staring.

Enjoying that feeling of your hands carding through his hair.

and he’s just staring at our, red dusting over his face, staring at anything but your eyes.

even takes a few glances at your lips.

…

Kami was right, you need something good.

“Hawks?” You call softly.

“Yea?” He looks up at you.

“kiss me”

silence…

“W-what…?”

You grab his collar lazily, pulling him closer.

“Kiss me?” You whisper softly.

He short circuits for a moment.

Then comes closer, slowly.

then looks into your eyes, drunk hazy eyes that in his opinion, have no clue what they want.

“I can’t. Not while your drunk y/n…”

“Don’t you wanna though..?”

Trust hawks when he tells people he’s only a milisecond from making out with you everyday, it’s not that he doesn’t want to..it’s that he wants you to want it no matter what.

You’re just some lonely mom with a man in your bed, of course your drunk little brain wants a kiss.

“I wanna, really bad y/n- but you need to be sober for it.”

He needs you to be like that.

when he kisses you he doesn’t want to reminded of his father.

of that house.

Just you.

“…are you gonna leave me?”

Hawks chuckles, “no, no mama bird I ain’t gonna leave you.”

He starts to cradle you into his arms but…it ends up with it being the other way.

Darn you and your motherly habits…

So now hawks is comfortably laying in your chest, legs tangled together.

Your hand grazing his scalp, massaging sit softly.

This is good.

This is nice.

He doesn’t wanna wake up in a cold sweat anymore, he doesn’t wanna wake up screaming.

Not with you.

But knowing you, you’d probably cradle him like you used to Fumikage, kiss his face a whispering softly how it’ll all be okay.

Nevermind, hawks wants to have a nightmare.

he wants you, he knows it now.

He knows it even more when your hand stopping moving, and your breathing slows into a slumber.

He knows when he comfortably drifts off into dreamland while near clingy, drunk you.

he knows, but he doesn’t know what to do with that knowing.

So he rests.

With your body’s mixed together like a finished puzzle.

He knows this is right, because it feels fucking amazing.

TAGLIST: comment to be taggged🥴

@lost-in-horrorland @boopjuice @validveenus @qardasngan @arminsarlerts @star-the-rabid-dog @bunni-teeth81 @lightsgore @portgasdbruh @camejlo-35

[throneofsapphics]

I’ve been waiting for you to open your requests 😩I had to write my ideas down as to not forget them lol

But could you write a Rowaelin x Reader where Rowan accidentally calls Reader Aelin? and Reader gets upset and kind of jealous 😁

falling behind 

Rowaelin x Reader 

Summary: Rowan keeps calling you Aelin

Warnings: jealousy

A/N: thank you for the request!!

Rowan heard the door swing open, his magic singing to the breeze flowing in, the combined scents of his two favorite people. 

“Aelin, could you take a look at -” 

“Try again,” he heard your voice, not raised but sharp and short, a tone he wasn’t used to hearing directed at himself. No, that was usually saved for courtiers that pissed you off royally. 

The door slammed shut, a muscle in his jaw ticked. He hated slammed doors and you knew that. 

Aelin’s scent had been so strong, you must’ve just come from spending time with her. He’d figure out what was wrong later - no, later didn’t feel right. Later wasn’t good enough. 

He frowned at the papers in front of him. Military movements and plans, not needed til the end of the week. Rowan shoved them to the back of his desk, placing a heavy glass paperweight on top. He hated paperwork anyway,a nd you’d always come before it if he could help it. Right now was one of those times. 

-

You found Fenrys first. He read the fury lining your features and dismissed the guard he was speaking to, and ushered you back towards one of your favorite secluded gardens, far away from prying eyes and ears. 

“Are you sure you weren’t -” he hesitated at the end, with good reason. 

“If you say overreacting I will throw something.” 

He fixed you with a look. You sighed. 

“It was the third time. This week. He always assumes it’s Aelin, that’s the problem.” 

“You sound jealous.” 

“I am,” the words slipped out before you could think better of them. It’s true, it always felt like there was something they had together and you wouldn’t be able to share with them. 

“Have you communicated this?” Fenrys prompted. 

“No,” you sounded a tad too petulant. 

“I don’t know much about triads but that does seem important,” he said dryly. You wanted to smack him, mainly because he’s right. “Speaking of communicating,” Fenrys continued, “you can stop hiding Rowan.” 

Fenrys disappeared before you could make good on your thoughts of violence. 

Rowan, per usual, didn’t look even the smallest bit ashamed at being so damn nosy. 

“That was a private conversation,” you said - accused. He shrugged. Asshole. 

Turning your back, you took a few steadying breaths. He waited. “I’m assuming you heard everything.” 

“Yes.” Footsteps. Rough hands gripping your shoulders, turning you gently. Green eyes meeting your own. “I’m sorry.” 

Your lips parted, before slamming shut. You were surprised at the rare apology from him, although you thought it was well deserved. 

“Just stop calling me Aelin.” 

“I think it’s deeper than that, love.” His hand slid around your back to pull you closer, warmth enveloping you. A kiss to the top of your hea. 

He wasn’t entirely forgiven, not yet, but you could lean into his warmth for now. 

“We need ot talk,” you murmured, “the three of us.” 

“I hope you don’t think you’re leaving,” his voice was teasing but his body tensed. 

Your immediate “no” relaxed him. 

“Communication is important,” you parroted Fenrys and Rowan had the good grace not to comment on it.

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.3

pairing: ellie williams x fem! reader (ur a girly girl in this one!!) (she/her pronouns)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: (PLEASE READ!) explicit language, violence, description of a medical procedure sans anesthesia, recreational drug use (idk how else to put it ellie gets absolutely zonked in the beginning), reader overthinks asf and is a little neurotic but that's why we love her x

a/n: hey guys! thank you so much for the wait! it's been genuinely insane how sweet and incredible all of you are. i've never felt so appreciated for my writing!! also, some notes: this chapter is heavily inspired by my last relationship. sorry if it's not as immersive bc of it! and also i don't have ANY medical knowledge so...cast a blind eye when u get to that scene

part 1

part 2

tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod​ @sawaagyapong​ @rystarkov​ @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma

wc: 6.6k

enjoy x

“One more time.”

You gave Ellie a withering look from where you were sitting at the end of her bed.

“Please,” she said, drawing out the s. “Just once more. I promise.” 

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes—a habit of hers that you were quickly picking up—and took in a deep breath. “Fuck.” 

Ellie lost it, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. “Another one. Say something else.”

“I don’t understand why you think this is so funny,” you said.

“You say it so weird.”

“I enunciate,” you clarified. “I don’t ‘sound weird’. It’s called pronouncing every letter in the word and not having a lazy mouth.” 

“Please,” she gasped. “At least say bitch. You haven’t said that one yet.”

You looked her dead in the eye. “Bitch.”

If you weren’t already certain that Ellie was high out of her mind by the smell of her room and the general haze in the air, the way she howled with laughter and fell back on her bed would’ve made you entirely positive.

This was new. You’d begun to hang out with her in her room after dinner—that was normal—but when she’d knocked on your door smelling heavily of weed once you’d said goodnight to Joel, you were nothing less than shocked. Of course, she had none left for you. Which was probably good, because only a sober mind could navigate a night sitting on Ellie’s bed without doing something really, really stupid. 

“I can’t believe you call me weird,” you said, tucking your feet under her and giving her a pointed look. 

“You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up where I did,” Ellie said, wiping a tear away from her cheek as she tried (unsuccessfully) to rein in her giggles. “You would’ve been eaten alive, good lord.”

“What were you like as a kid?” you asked, resting your chin on your knees. 

She considered for a moment, growing more somber. “Um…I don’t know if you would’ve liked me very much.”

“What do you mean? Of course I would’ve liked you.” 

“No,” she said, swiping at her face so she pushed a strand of hair away. “I don’t think you would have.”

“Why not?”

“I was…” She paused, picking at her cuticles. “Back then I didn’t have anyone. I was an orphan, you know. My parents were never in the picture, so I was the only one I could count on.  I was really rough around the edges and could be nasty. But I probably would’ve ignored you like I did everyone else. “

“Everyone? You didn’t have anyone? No friends at all?”

Ellie blinked, and her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “Basically, yeah. I mean, there was one girl, but that’s…I don’t want to talk about that right now, actually.” 

“That’s okay,” you said, reaching forward to touch her knee. She flinched at the contact but didn’t brush you away. The image of a young, scared Ellie living somewhere alone made your chest ache. “You don’t have to tell me.” 

“What were you like?” she asked, tilting her head and meeting your eyes. 

“Hmmm…” Mirth crept into your tone. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Ellie echoed, her eyes cloudy as she thought. Then a small smirk formed on her face. “Oh god, were you one of those spoiled brats? Were you a mean girl?” 

“God, no,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Not mean.”

“Then what?”

You paused. “I was really shy, I guess. And quiet, too. I didn’t do much but read for a good 10 years of my life. I used to have awful pronunciation because I would spend more time reading than talking to anyone. But I think I would’ve liked you.”

Ellie shook her head.

“Yes,” you said. “Maybe I would’ve been a little scared of you. I probably would’ve never had the courage to talk to you. But I would’ve liked you, I think.”

“Scared of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? I was a kid.”

“I was mostly going off of how I felt when I actually first met you,” you said, shrugging. 

She gasped theatrically. “You’re scared of me?”

“No!” you said, smacking her knee. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just really intimidating.”

“Intimidating?” She looked at you incredulously. 

“You’re so tough,” you explained, feeling heat grow in your cheeks. “You seem just—I don’t know, just so capable. There’s nothing you’re too afraid to face, nothing you’re too afraid to say.”

“That’s not true,” she said lightly. 

“Well, of course I’m sure there are things that you’re afraid of,” you amended. “But you hide it so well. You just seem so…fearless.”

“Hm,” Ellie said, letting her head rest against the headboard. “I think you would’ve made me a nervous wreck. If we’d met when we were kids, I mean.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. You’re just so untouched.” She winced. “God, no. That sounds gross. I just mean…I dunno. I wouldn’t have known how to act around you. You haven’t had to harden up like everyone else I know.”

“Are you saying I should develop trust issues or something?” you asked, your voice a teasing lilt.

“You know,” she said, nodding seriously, “That is part of it. It was really off-putting how quickly you trusted me. But I guess that’s just a product of where you grew up.” 

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I wonder how I would’ve turned out if I’d grown up like you.”

“Can I be honest?” Ellie asked. 

“Sure.”

“I don’t think you’d still be here if you were me,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “No offense. You just have zero survival skills. I swear that shit has to be genetic. I’ve never met someone more averse to violence in my life.”

You sighed, pressed your hands deep into Ellie’s comforter as a thought hit you. “I think if you’d been born in my position, you would’ve been greater than anything either of us could ever dream of. Much greater than me.”

“Definitely not,” said Ellie. “There’s no fucking way I’m studying the way you apparently do. I honestly think I’d take being an orphan over the study schedule I saw in your bag.” 

She was of course referencing the time table you’d roughly sketched up the morning before you’d ended up in Jackson. It was blocked to the minute, citing the study content and the location of said study session. She’d been beyond horrified to see it. 

You laughed, nudging her socked food with yours. 

“Is there music? In Terranova?”

“Oh,” you said, startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Uh, yeah. Of course. I listened to it all the time.” 

“I used to have a Walkman,” she said, leaning back as she reminisced. She was lying flat on her back now. “It ended up breaking a while ago, but it was like my child.” 

“Have you ever seen a movie before?” you asked, sitting up rigid straight as the thought occurred to you.

“Duh,” she said, giving you a weird look. “Do you think I live under a rock?”

“How many?”

“Hm.” Ellie began counting, ending on her second hand. “I think 6?”

“You’ve seen a total of 6 movies in your life?” 

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to see more?”

She shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s just tough to find CDs that are still functional after so long.”

“Hold that thought,” you said, holding a finger in her direction as you stood up.

“Hey!” she called as you bolted out the door. “Where are you going?”

You came bounding back to her room in a matter of seconds, your laptop in your hands. 

“What the fuck?” she said. “Isn’t that your homework thing?”

“Yes,” you said, feeling around for an outlet, “But I also have a ridiculous amount of movies downloaded on this. Our dorm wi-fi is shit and I have way too much storage on this thing, so I just download, like, every movie I’ve ever wanted to watch.”

“Your dorm what?”

You waved your hand. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to her how the 802.11 standard allowed wireless connections a few years after the outbreak. “Not important. Here, come look at this.”

Your laptop roared to light with the help of your charging cord. Quickly, you typed your password in and opened your downloads. Ellie hovered over your shoulder, squinting at the screen with confusion. 

“Here,” you said, opening up the album that had everything you had seen for your entire university career and passing the laptop to Ellie. “Use the touchpad—there, yeah—to navigate. Press to click. These are all movie files that I’ve seen. We can watch them on my laptop. Some of them were filmed in Terranova, too, so they’re post-apocalypse.”

She perused the selection you had for quite some time, the glow of the screen lighting up her face against the dim room. “Okay. This one.”

And thus began a tradition. Each night after you’d finished showering and Joel retired to his room, Ellie would come knock on your door and ask if you wanted to come over. You’d talk for a while, then open your laptop and pick something out to watch. Ellie was never high after the first time, which was unsurprising considering that there definitely wasn’t a way to get any in Jackson. Where she found any the first time was still a mystery to you. 

~

A week or so after your first patrol with Ellie, Joel had taken it upon himself to teach you how to shoot. You were surprisingly not as bad as you’d expected, but the rebound was tough to get used to, and you were still hung up over the whole “killing living things” part. 

Your first patrol—first real one—came quickly, and before you knew it, Ellie was handing you the same gun you’d dropped the first time with a suspicious look. 

“Don’t kill one of us with that thing,” she warned. “Be smart, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss,” you said to her, mock saluting as best you could while you were leading Japan to the mounting block.

She rolled her eyes. “Please act normal or I’ll make you carry around that glorified pocket knife instead again.” 

The patrol began as usual, Ellie leading you down the same path you went last time. It was a beautiful day out, with the early spring sun filtering through the evergreen trees that populated the woods and birdsong filling the air. 

Though conversations with Ellie were getting easier (given that it actually seemed like she wanted to talk to you now), you were still starstruck. Nothing that you did and nothing that you thought could get you to stop seeing her the way you did. You were routinely distracted by everything about her. It was a wonder that you could even function as a normal person around her, much less handle a weapon and a horse. 

You two had nearly made the full rotation when your surroundings exploded in action. 

“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as someone behind you two fired a shot that narrowly missed Shimmer. 

You whipped around, gun in hand, to see two men—two normal men who weren’t infected. One held a bow, the other a gun. 

The one who had fired the first shot never even stood a chance. He was down on the ground seconds after you’d seen him, Ellie’s aim taking him out before you could even ready your gun. 

The second man notched an arrow and managed to draw it back and release into the air right as Ellie’s bullet struck him, sending him falling back. 

“I don’t think there’s any more,” said Ellie, slightly breathless as she scanned the forest. “Sometimes outsiders pull this shit—try to kill us for our supplies. I’ve never seen them this close to the wall, though. I’ll have to tell Maria and Tommy.”

Normally, you would’ve felt up to making some sort of sarcastic comment about how that was a really unconcerning thing for her to tell you and that you actually felt so much more comfortable going on patrol knowing that there were also just run-of-the-mill people trying to kill you, but a twinge in your lower body distracted you. 

Slowly, nervously, you looked down. Air immediately left your lungs. 

“At least we’re done,” Ellie was saying, wiping her hands off on her thighs and slinging the gun over her shoulder. “What a crazy end for your first actual patrol, huh?”

When you didn’t answer, she turned to you and saw the arrow sticking out of your side, 

“Shit,” said Ellie, jumping off Shimmer and reaching you in seconds. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh god.” 

“Am I going to die?” you asked, staring starstruck at the blood escaping the outline of the arrowhead. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Were you in shock?

“No,” said Ellie firmly. “Absolutely not. Do you need help getting off?”

Before you could answer, she was already helping you down, carefully avoiding the protruding arrow. 

“Listen,” she said, back to being her unwavering self, “We’re right by the wall. I’m going to help you walk in, and then I’ll grab some supplies, okay? Don’t try to pull the arrow out. You hear me? Don’t.”

Swallowing hard, you nodded. She helped you walk the few steps to be carefully concealed by the wall, then grabbed the two horses and darted past you, making a break for Maria and Tommy’s cabin. 

In a haze of confusion, you could see Maria running out, holding a box out to Ellie in exchange for the reins of the horses. Ellie said something that made Maria point towards you. She nodded, then ran back to you.

By the time that she’d reached you, the shock had begun to wear off, replaced by the stinging pain from the object that had impaled you. It was worse than anything you’d ever felt before in your life, and it took all you had not to keel over. 

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your face so you had to look at her. “Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before, okay? I’m, like, the master. It’s going to be alright.” 

“Done what before?” you managed to grind out. 

Ellie let go of your face to dig through the box Maria had given her, producing a needle, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and what looked like a spool of thin thread. 

Horror slowly trickled through you as you realized what was about to happen. 

“It doesn’t look all that deep,” Ellie was saying as she examined the arrow. “So I don’t think it’s hit anything. It’s just going to be a nasty hole. I’m going to pull it out now, okay?”

You let out a strangled scream as she grasped the arrow’s end and yanked it out without warning.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ellie repeated. She threw the arrow over her shoulder and knelt so she was hovering over you. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you gasped. You were most certainly not. You couldn’t quite get your eyes to focus, and your heart was beating out of your chest. 

“Alright,” she said firmly, grasping your shoulders and pulling you up so you were slumped against the wall. “Sit up straight, alright? Also, this is going to hurt.” 

At first there were just snipping sounds as she cut part of your shirt away—then something cool and wet pressed to your wound. You cried out again as a fresh white hot pain bloomed in your middle. 

“I know, I know.” Ellie’s voice was consoling as she reached up to brush away the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “Just a few more seconds.” 

“Fuck—off—” you gritted out from your teeth. 

Ellie’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just this once.” 

She released the alcohol-saturated cotton pad, throwing it aside and fussing with the thread and needle until she was satisfied. 

By the time her fingers were ghosting over your abdomen again, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the puncture wound and the needle she was wielding. 

“Don’t look,” said Ellie. “Pick something else. You don’t need to watch.” 

“I hate needles,” you whispered, choosing the air over her shoulder to be your focal point. 

There was a prodding at the top of your wound, and you hissed. 

“I can’t say I’m a fan myself.” 

Something pierced through your skin, and your midriff exploded in pain. 

The edges of your sight went fuzzy, stars forming in the corners of your vision. Someone that sounded suspiciously like you cried out. Your cheek rammed up against something solid and warm. 

Once the initial sting had faded, you realized that you’d slumped into Ellie, your face buried into her neck. She didn’t make any move to push you off, instead just taking one hand to brush up and down your arm with a feather light touch. 

“You're fine," she said firmly. "Everything's going to be fine."

Your fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as the needle exited through the other end of your wound, pulling another whine from your throat. It was easier to not feel like you were about to pass out when you were crushed into Ellie, clinging onto her and just focusing on the way she felt against you. 

“Hang on, I'm almost there,” she muttered a few stitches later. You’d quieted down, only letting out the occasional gasp as she pulled the thread through. “You're doing so well. Just one more.”

Now that you were more conscious, you had no idea how she was managing to stitch your side while you were nearly on her lap, but she continued to weave her needle through your skin, pulling it taut. 

“And done,” said Ellie. You felt her take another cotton square to swipe against your skin. 

You laid against her for a few more moments, panting as the shock slowly began to fade. She shifted, and for a moment you were sure that she was going to shove you away, but then the hand she’d lifted hesitantly rested on your head, her fingers parting to card through your hair. 

“How did you learn how to do that?” you asked, your voice muffled from where you were pressed against her. 

“Trial and error.” 

Her joke was enough for you to finally let go, sitting back against the wall. Her hand slithered out of your hair, resting back in her lap. 

“Shut up,” you said. “That’s awful.” 

Ellie shrugged. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the bumpiness of the stony wall press into your back. “I have a really low pain tolerance.”

“So I’ve noticed,” said Ellie, the side of her mouth quirking. 

“I’ve never been hurt before,” you heard yourself saying. “Like, beyond the occasional splinter or bee sting or accidental scrape or ankle sprain. It’s just not something that happens.” 

“Must be nice.”  

You smiled sadly. “Yeah. It’s not nice being weak, though.” 

Ellie looked away from you then, silent as she packed up the first-aid kit. Then: “I don’t think that’s true.” 

She’d said it lightly, like it was meant to be an offhand comment, a throwaway addition that wouldn’t be remembered by either of you. But the sentiment still struck you, twisting your heart.

You were less capable because your survival had never required anything more. You were weak because you could be. 

Her voice from the night she’d been high floated back to you. You haven't had to harden up like everyone else I know. 

Out here, weakness was a luxury few could afford. 

“Not so untouched anymore, huh?” you said, since you didn’t know how else to respond.

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” quipped Ellie. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I still consider needing to be held to get 4 stitches as being soft. You haven’t changed a bit. No offense.” 

Your cheeks burned bright red. “I—”

“I’m teasing,” she said before you could defend yourself. “Arrow wounds suck. I get it.” 

“Right.” You turned away, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the ground beside you. With feeling more yourself came the inevitable shame at what you’d just done. What had you been thinking, touching her like that? Grabbing onto her like that?

This was going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

“Don’t make that face,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It really is fine.” 

It was not fine. It would never be fine. You wanted the thugs to come back to life and finish you off, and then have the earth open up and swallow you for good measure. 

Ellie probably thought of you as an overgrown child. You doubted that there was ever a point where she could see you as anything equal. If she ever knew how often she appeared in your imagination, she’d probably be disgusted.

She called you pretty a contrarian voice in your head reminded you. Don't you remember?

But maybe she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t said it explicitly: “Y/N, I think you’re pretty.” She just hadn’t argued when you’d pointed it out. Maybe because she was being nice, or maybe because she was actually being sarcastic. 

“You were really brave, okay?” said Ellie. “Your first armed confrontation and you did well.”

“I didn’t shoot anyone.”

“It could have gone worse,” said Ellie. “You could’ve accidentally shot me. Or died. And neither of those things happened, so that’s successful in my book.” 

“That’s very glass half-full of you.”

“That’s me. Ever the optimist.” 

You snorted.

~

That night, Ellie knocked on your door and asked you if you were up for another movie. You found yourself sitting on her comforter, plugging in your computer and booting it up minutes later.

Physically speaking, it had always been a little awkward to fit two people on her twin bed if they weren’t right next to each other, given that your laptop screen was a very unimpressive size. When you’d first started watching with her, Ellie would rest against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of you while you would sit with your legs crossed, positioned sideways so you weren’t accidentally pushing her legs off. 

But after the day you had had, your back was sore and your whole body ached. Sitting on something soft without any back support as you angled yourself to look at the screen was quickly proving unsustainable. 

“Pause,” said Ellie about ten minutes in. You’d been watching an older sci-fi flick—Ellie’s choice. 

You complied, leaning forward and pressing the spacebar. “What’s up?”

“Are you even comfortable sitting like that?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Liar,” accused Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t think I don’t see you ‘discreetly’ cracking your back every 2 minutes. It’s ruining the movie.” 

“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head and smiling in exasperation. “It’s from all the years I spent hunched over a textbook.” 

“You know, you can sit up here,” she said, patting the space beside her. “I don’t bite.”

“Jury’s still out on that,” you said, though by the time Ellie let out a laugh you were already unfolding your legs and moving so you were next to her. 

She leaned forward, grabbing the bottom half of the laptop and lifting it. “Hey, do you want a blanket?”

“Sure.” 

Ellie’s other hand grabbed the edge of her comforter and held it up. 

Hesitantly, you slid your legs under and watched as Ellie did the same, awkwardly holding the laptop in the air before you were both settled enough to rest it on your covered right thigh and her left.  “Better?”

When you nodded, she reached her tattooed arm out and pressed play. The audio picked back up, but you couldn’t for the life of you focus on the movie.

When Ellie had asked if you’d wanted a blanket, you were expecting her to toss the throw blanket that would really only fit one person at you, not invite you to get under the blankets with her. That was significantly more intimate.

You two were sitting close enough that your sides were touching, from shoulder to thigh. You could feel her chest lift with each breath, feel the heat coming off of her.

After a while, Ellie properly laid down, taking the laptop and hoisting it up so it rested on her lower abdomen as she settled into her pillow.

You gulped, your eyes flickering between her face and the screen. Ellie’s gaze was fixed intently on the screen, her eyes half lidded with exhaustion.

You could be tired too. You weren’t, of course—your heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. But she didn’t know that. It was normal to lay down next to her, right? You’d done that with Irena more times than you could count, and it was never weird. Yeah, you could do that. 

Also, if you were totally horizontal, you would stop getting distracted by the sliver of her skin that her crooked shirt showed of her chest. 

In a moment of blind courage, you scooted down so your head was lying right next to Ellie’s. She didn’t seem to react, just extending her hand from under the covers to steady the laptop as it wobbled from the movement. 

Her sheets smelled like the soap that you used to wash your hair—a cottony freshness that had the slightest hint of lavender. 

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” asked Ellie after a while, her voice nothing more than a whisper. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” you responded, equally quiet. Then, because you hadn’t made enough rash decisions for the night, you angled your head so it rested in the space right above her shoulder. 

She inhaled sharply but didn’t move. On her next exhale a piece of her auburn hair tickled your forehead. 

“How’re your stitches?” she asked suddenly, like she'd just remembered.

“They’re okay. I think. As stitches go.”

“After this is over, I’ll check on them,” she said. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing for her to cut off your shirt and see your skin when she was trying to save your life while you were mentally gone. It was another thing altogether to pull up your shirt without adrenaline coursing through you.

You didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the movie, instead hyperfocused on the rhythm of Ellie’s breathing and the fact that if you moved just a little your chin would be on her shoulder. 

Her mention of the stitches wasn’t helping at all, either. Now all you could think about was the embarrassing way you’d basically tried to crawl under her skin, burying your face into her and clutching at her clothes like you were a child.

A part of you was disappointed that you hadn’t been more lucid at the time. If you had, you would’ve been able to clearly remember the softness of her skin against yours. You would’ve been able to enjoy it for what it was—the only time you’d be able to touch her like that.

Because you couldn’t go around just grabbing onto her shirt and getting into her lap. That was a one-off, the only time that the rules were waived. You couldn’t touch her like that now, now that you didn’t have any excuse. It wasn’t allowed.

But sometimes you wanted to so badly that it hurt. 

The movie ended abruptly, wrenching you out of your thoughts. 

“Hey,” whispered Ellie. “Sit up so I can see.”

Reluctantly, you pressed yourself up from your back and began rolling up the hem of your shirt. Ellie twisted to face backwards, her thin top riding up and showing part of her back as she reached for the lamp.

Once golden light returned to the room, Ellie turned back and bumped your hands away. She bent over, tilting her head so that she was looking at the stitches straight on.

They didn’t look bad, you had to admit. Though you wouldn’t consider the actual experience of getting the stitches a 5-star experience, Ellie had clearly known what she was doing. The surrounding flesh didn’t look angry or irritated, and she’d pulled the stitches just tight enough without it puckering. 

She prodded at the side, then gave a satisfied nod. “Looks good. What did I tell you? I’m really good at this sort of stuff.”

“I think you would’ve made a really good doctor,” you said once she’d sat up straight again. “Under different circumstances.”

“Is this you telling me that you don’t think I’m a good doctor now?” she teased. 

“Your bedside manner could use some work,” you offered.

Ellie laughed then, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah. You lived. You'll get over it.” 

“Did you go to school?” you found yourself asking, hung up on the thought of Ellie as a potential medical student. If she’d been in one of your intro biology classes, you never would’ve been able to pay attention. That was a fantasy you could shelve away for later. 

“Sort of,” said Ellie, looking down at her arms. “I went to a military prep school run by FEDRA. I didn’t graduate though—obviously. I was long gone by then.” 

“Right,” you said, remembering that she’d mentioned that she’d been 14 when she’d left Boston. “And what was it like?” 

She paused, opening her mouth before closing it. “It was—unkind. Joel's told me about schools before the outbreak. It was nothing like that. There were some normal classes, but most of it was meant to prepare us to be soldiers.” 

“Is that where you learned how to do sutures?” 

“Among other things.”

Terranova had no military academies, given that there was hardly any military presence. The founder of Terranova had bodyguards and there was a police force that controlled the borders, but it was nothing like Ellie described. With invisible borders and a social order that valued peace and tranquility over all else, there was no real danger posed to any of the citizens. 

But from what you had learned from movies and books and comments from older people, you had gathered a very dim picture of what a military academy looked like—harsh, strict, and cruel. 

“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that,” you said. 

“It’s okay.”

“Is there anything you would want to study? If you could?” 

Ellie’s eyes closed. “Yeah. There are a couple things.” 

She did not elaborate. 

~

It didn’t take long for you two to settle back into your routine of meeting in her room each evening and watching one of your downloaded movies. Following the night after you’d gotten your stitches, you wouldn’t even have to ask—Ellie would pull up her comforter and let you slide in next to her without giving you a second glance.

You’d also gotten over the fear of touching her. Now, when you flopped back so your head was on her pillow, you’d adjust until you were nestled into the crook of her neck. She never once reacted to it, remaining perfectly still unless she was adjusting the laptop or messing with the sound. 

Because it was normal, of course. You and Irena would rest your head on each other’s shoulders sometimes. That was something that friends did. 

One night a week or so into April, you and Ellie made a harrowing discovery: there was only one movie left in your collection that you two hadn’t seen together. 

“Damn,” said Ellie, furrowing her brow. “And there’s no way to get more on here?”

“I’m afraid not,” you said, frowning. “To download more or stream one, I’d need either an Ethernet cable or a wi-fi connection. Neither of which function out here anymore without cell towers and maintained cables.” 

“Right,” said Ellie, though her face told you that she didn’t understand a word that had come out of your mouth. “So—this is it?”

“Yeah.” Your finger hovered over the play button. “Savor it, I guess.” 

When you settled back and into her side, the heavy weight of dread settled into your stomach. Now that you’d finished showing her your entire collection, it’s not like she’d have a reason to invite you over every night. And there was especially no reason for you two to lie so closely together unless you were both trying to watch something on a small screen.

Once again, your excuse to touch her was gone.

You pressed closer to her as your mind raced. There was no way that Ellie didn’t see what you were doing as platonic, right? Was it possible that she was creeped out by how touchy you were but just tolerated it to be nice? 

Maybe. You swallowed hard, keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Ellie didn’t see you like…like that. She spoke to you like you were an obligation, a burden. Because you always had been. You’d been a responsibility thrust on her by a father figure who felt like he was indebted to you from that stupid bag of coffee you were lucky enough to bring. 

Oh, god. Had Joel told her to befriend you? Had he asked for Ellie to pretend like she enjoyed spending time with you and to put up with your privileged, soft-hearted nonsense? 

The knowledge that you were spiraling wasn’t enough to stop you. You did the best that you could—tried to remind yourself that it’d been a while since she’d looked disgusted with you, recall that she was outspoken enough to tell you to fuck off if you did something she didn’t like—but it was to no avail.

Ellie reached forward and hit pause on the movie, thrusting you both into silence. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked after a moment. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I can feel your heart going, like, crazy fast.” 

You froze. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I was just thinking.” 

Ellie pushed the laptop off of her, sitting up to give you an odd look. “About a near death experience or something? You running a marathon up there? That shit’s not normal.” 

You laughed nervously. “It’s really nothing. Just an, uh, suspenseful movie.” 

Which was actually really stupid of you to say, because you were watching some obscure Tarkovsky film that did nothing but pan over burning buildings and pensive men. For the past 5 minutes, there had been nothing on screen but the back of a car driving through traffic with minimal sound. Also, it was in Russian, and the English subtitles made zero sense.

There was a reason why this was the last movie you chose.

“This is the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever watched in my life, so you’re a dirty fucking liar,” said Ellie. Then her face pinched in worry. “Wait. Have you taken a look at your stitches lately?” 

Before you could answer, she was grabbing a flashlight off her nightstand and yanking the comforter off you. She was pulling your shirt up when you finally found your voice.

“Wait!” you said, grabbing the bottom of your shirt and yanking it back in place. “It’s not—I don’t have an infection, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. I really was just thinking, okay?”

“About what?” She reached back to place her flashlight back on the stand without taking her eyes off you. 

“It’s nothing important.”

“If you say so.” 

She picked the laptop up and placed it back on her thighs, lying back down. You followed suit, but this time you didn’t touch her, opting to keep as much distance as you could so she wouldn’t hear the stuttering of your heart. 

Not even 5 minutes had passed before Ellie sat up to pause the video again.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No. Why?” 

“You’re acting weird,” she accused, but there wasn’t much conviction behind her voice. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that you’re acting weird,” she repeated, shutting your laptop off and moving it to the bottom of her bed, despite the protests that left your lips. 

“I don’t understand,” you said. “I’m just watching the movie. I’m not doing anything. “

“You’re not watching the movie,” she said. “You weren’t even looking at the screen. What’s got you so bothered? Did I do something?” 

“Of course not.” You pulled your legs under you so your legs were crossed and your back was against the wall. “You don’t need to worry. It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to imply otherwise.” 

Ellie rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “You stress me out. You can just tell me, you know? No need to be so cagey. I promise I’ve heard worse.” 

“Don’t be so quick to say that.”

“Okay, now you have to tell me,” she said. “I’m never going to know peace again with a hook like that.” 

You were about to open your mouth to tell her that it was stupid and that it didn’t matter, but something stopped you. 

That was the coward’s way out. That’s what you’d always done—hid your feelings and concealed your emotions. That’s how you’d been raised. That’s how you thought everyone was. But now that you’d spent 2 months in Jackson, you’d realized that some people actually just said what they thought. And that, in the grand scheme of things, it was a better system than the Terranovian culture of superficiality.  

Just because the you 2 months ago would have shook her head and changed the subject didn’t mean the you now had to. 

Maybe this you could be different. Maybe, for once, this you could be brave. 

“I really—” You stopped yourself. Saying I really like you didn’t even begin to encompass what you felt for the girl sitting across from you. To distill the sheer magnitude of your feelings down to four words felt criminal. The swell in your chest that never went away whenever you were near her could never and would never be adequately represented in the puny offerings of the Latin alphabet and the English language, and if you were going to do this, you were going to do it right. 

You dared to look up at her for a moment. She was completely still, her green eyes reflecting the dim moonlight from outside. Once you met her gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away.

“I’m really sorry that I’m putting you in an uncomfortable position for saying this,” you began (because old habits ran deep, and you would rather die than be impolite), “And I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this. And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.”

“As much as I’m sure that this is some sort of cultural cornerstone for you, please spare me the 6 foot long disclaimer script,” Ellie drawled.

“Right.” You gulped. “Anyway. As I was saying.”

“Any day now.” 

At that moment, she had never looked more perfect. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark lighting, so the weak moonlight that spilled in from the window above her created a halo around her head. 

“It’s you.” Your voice came out tiny. “You’re all that I can think about, and I don’t know what to do.”

There. It was off your chest.

For a moment, it was as if you’d suspended time, stopping Earth on its axis as you both held your breaths. There was nothing but silence and the occasional wooden creak of the old house’s foundation in the wind. 

Ellie’s face betrayed nothing, save for something in her eyes and the disappearance of the smirk that had been on her lips moments before. 

Then she spoke, her response whispered.

“Come here, then.” 

final a/n: NOW HOLD ON before you show up outside my dorm with pitchforks and torches 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i'm so sorry but this was a necessary evil as this was going to a massive scene without the chapter break. also a disproportionately massive chapter compared to the other ones coming out. i write very quickly and should get the following part out in a timeframe similar to the first 3 parts. thank u for reading ! tell me what you think abt this chapter while you wait x

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Special Needs

Gif credits

Pairing/AU: DBF!Joel Miller x F!reader, no outbreak

Rating: +18, Minors please don’t interact, NSFW

Summary: Joel lets you convince him that you can help him get back in shape. (Do you remember the episode of Friends where Monica convinces Chandler to work out with her? The idea came to me while watching that episode. What came out of it, however, has almost nothing to do with that episode. LOL but I used the name Geller as a tribute)

Word count: 4254

Warnings: smut, age gap (reader is 22, Joel's age is not explicitly mentioned but I would say around 46/48), pov switch (I hope I succeeded because it's my first time), reader has breasts and vagina, she is wearing shorts and a sports bra and has a ponytail, other than that there is no other particularly accurate description of her, brat taming dynamic, power dynamic, unprotected p in v (reader is on the pill, please take precautions IRL), spit, cum eating, oral (m receiving), face fucking, fingering (f receiving), sex in a public place (a park LOL), risk of getting caught, swearing (A LOT), Joel is mean, reader is mean too and also a total brat, rough sex, praise kink, a little bit of orgasm control, a lot of bickering, Joel wears shorts (!!!), Joel comes inside her, sort of (?) seed kink, pet names (mostly good girl, honey, bratty little thing, cheeky little thing, babe), use of the term daddy once, readers calls Joel and old man and other nicknames multiple times, Joel slaps reader once during sex, I don’t even know what to say, you all, it’s pure filth 💀 Title is from a Placebo song.

As always, English is not my first language so please be kind, no proofreading, no editing, no beta, it’s all my fault and I’m very sorry, I hope this makes sense, otherwise pretend it never existed, thanks.

And thank you so much for reading my silly little stories, I'm still in disbelief that anyone is interested in what I write 😭

Joel hadn’t considered everything when you suggested it. He’d looked at your big, shining eyes as you told him he didn’t need to pay a lot of money to join a gym, you’d take care of getting him in shape.

Running had always been a part of you and you did it every morning so there wouldn’t be any problems.

Luckily, you had just returned from college for the summer and would be spending three months at your parents’ house before classes started again.

At first it seemed like a sentence, you would have preferred to go to Europe with your roommate but you had decided to save the money you had earned working as a waitress and you didn't feel like asking your parents for them.

As soon as you got out of your dad’s car, you saw Joel waving at you from across the street and you remembered when you had a crush on him. You thought you’d put it behind you and that it was just a passing teenage nonsense.

That day you realized that it wasn't like that, it hadn't gone away at all.

Two weeks had passed and your father had invited his best friend Joel for dinner.

Sure, why not.

You were so nervous that it took you an hour and a half to choose what to wear, your mother had come to your room twice to see what the hell you were doing and why you hadn't gone down to the kitchen to help her yet.

Why the hell did you get yourself into that situation?

After all, blowing your savings in Europe was probably not such a bad idea, after all you are 22 and had the right to enjoy your holidays. Stupid conscience, by now you could have been in Spain or Italy or even France.

You ended up wearing denim shorts and a crop top. Pretty much what you usually wore, but you thought you saw Joel peeking at your thighs few days before and you obviously liked the idea.

When your mother saw you she didn't make any comment, she had never made a fuss about how you dressed. And she certainly didn't imagine that those skimpy denim shorts were there to get her husband's best friend to look at you, it didn't even cross her mind. You were above suspicion.

When you saw him enter the dining room followed by your father you almost lost your breath.

Why was he so damn attractive? You should have convinced yourself to forget about him but you hadn't. You had tried to do it that night too, until he mentioned that he wanted to join the gym and you almost interrupted him and said "you could come running with me."

You felt like you were watching yourself from the outside and if you could you would have slapped yourself. Why had such a bullshit come out of your mouth.

Fuck.

You actually knew very well why.

Joel looked at you with a surprised expression. “Are you sure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course! Excuse me, you live across the street, is it possible that you’ve never seen me running? I’ve been doing this for years.”

“I never noticed, kid, honestly noticing your habits is not a priority in my life” Joel had replied nonchalantly.

Your father had laughed, covering his embarrassment.

Of course he knew. He had seen you scampering around the neighborhood in those skimpy shorts and that way-low-cut sports top. He had also wondered where the hell you had bought that stuff, didn't the good old tracksuits that covered everything exist anymore?

“Well, you could at least try. We’ll start with a short route. Just a few miles, do you think you can do it?” You replied, batting your eyelashes and looking at him with an angelic expression.

“Sure, kiddo, I sweat all day to earn a living,” he retorted defiantly. “Who do you think I am?”

“An old man” you said candidly.

This time even your mother, who was usually composed and cared more about education than anything else, giggled.

Joel looked at you with an ironic expression “ok, little girl, I'm in”

“Good, then I'll see you at 6 because it will be too hot later, I'll come and knock on your door” you replied mischievously.

“Pfff Do you think it’s a problem for me to wake up early? I’ve been waking up at 5 for decades”

“Sure, but tomorrow is Saturday”

Joel rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.

You had won, incredible.

Your father looked at him smiling and shrugged, “what can I say, I have a smart daughter”

Oh sure, you looked so pleased with yourself.

You hadn't won the war yet though.

————

The next morning you wake up at 5, get ready, put on the shortest shorts you could find, a sports top that reaches just below your breasts, and go out quietly so as not to wake your parents.

You knock on Joel's door at 6 o'clock sharp, imagining his expression when he saw you.

Joel opens the door with a cup of coffee in his hand “hey girl! do you want a cup of coffee?” he asks you with a seraphic expression painted on his face.

He would never give you the satisfaction of being caught unprepared.

“I’ve already had it at my house. Don’t try to postpone the inevitable Mr Miller.” he hates it when you call him that, it makes him feel old and you know it.

“When did you become so simpering? I need to have a chat with your father.” he smirks.

“Of course” you reply rolling your eyes “So are you ready or not? I won’t wait all morning.”

“I was born ready, little rascal, I'll take this to the kitchen and then we can go”

“K, I’ll wait here”

You drum your fingers on the door frame as you watch him walk away. “Tick tock, tick tock,” you taunt and he turns to glare at you as he walks past the kitchen threshold.

You have to admit, he looks pretty cute in shorts, in fact, who are you trying to fool… he has amazing legs.

And clearly, even if you never tell him, you think that he doesn't need anything and that the effort he puts into his job has already shaped him enough. This is just an excuse to spend time alone with him.

“Come on, let’s go,” he says, closing the door and putting his keys in his pocket. “Keep up with me, old man,” you say, smiling before stepping off his porch and running as fast as you can.

You hear him swearing behind you as he tries to catch up. After a hundred meters you see him coming up beside you and he’s out of breath “you did it on purpose”

“Of course” you giggle looking straight ahead.

“Can we slow down a bit now or were you planning on giving me a heart attack?”

“Okay, okay, I don't want you on my conscience, Mr Miller,” you start walking at a fast pace “we can do this for a while”

You turn to him and see his face all red and sweaty. “Damn, are you down already?”

“Not a chance, little girl. And stop calling me Mr. Miller, you know it gets on my nerves.” he grunts trying to catch his breath

“Yes I know, Mr Miller” you reply with a flirtatious tone and you know he didn’t miss it because he turns to you and looks at you and his eyes say “I’m going to make you regret this”

“So, why did you come back here this summer?”

“College is expensive and my parents already do enough for me, I’m trying to save as much as I can.”

“It’s a smart move and indeed very thoughtful” he admits

"See? I'm not as bad as you think” you say glaring at him while you keep the pace “While we’re on the subject, you might not call me kiddo, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Yeah, whatever, kiddo. I’m good now just in case you are interested”

“Ok, you asked for it” you say in a challenging tone and start running again as fast as you can.

“Hey!” He shout “you little cheeky thing!”

“Blame yourself for it, geriatric” you shout back.

Joel huffs and tries to run faster to catch up with you as you run away laughing.

He doesn't mind being behind though, he can see your ass bouncing hugged in those ridiculous shorts you've put on that barely cover your butt cheeks.

He’s not supposed to think certain things, but you've been mischievous since you got back.

He has noticed how you look at him and how you always try to argue with him, he is pretty sure that this is your way of flirting and he finds it quite funny.

And well… you're definitely cute, much cuter than he remembered.

He forced himself not to do anything because you are his best friend's daughter but you don't make it easy for him.

And now you’re here in those skimp shorts and that sports bra so small that your boobs look like they could pop out at any moment.

And the worst part is your attitude.

Fuck, you’re making a mess in his pants lately.

“Come on, old man, you can do it” oh you are so insolent in persisting in calling him old, he really should teach you a lesson.

He tries his hardest to reach you and you slow down, let him get a little closer and run away again.

“Jesus Christ” he cuss under his breath and try to run faster and you let him getting closer and then you sprint away again laughing and calling him a couch potato.

You keep going like this until he can finally reach you and he grab your wrist.

You turn to him “Hey! Let go of me!” you look like an angry kitten ready to scratch.

“Now we're taking a break,” Joel hisses.

“What the hell? There are still two miles to go”

“I SAID. We’re taking a break. Now”

“Okay, lazybones, whatever you want, don't get too nervous”

Joel is looking mad, which is so dumb, you were just kidding and he should know it.

It turns you on to see him like this though, you have to admit it.

“How about you let go of my wrist for starters?”

He lets go and looks at you askance.

He's drenched, little drops of sweat slide down the column of his neck, his black, soaked curls are plastered to his forehead, his damp t-shirt lets you glimpse the shape of his nipples.

God, he’s gorgeous.

His labored breathing sounds like a hoarse roar as he tells you, “I know what you’re trying to do.”

Yeah, you shouldn't be so horny for Joel but you can't help it.

“I’m doing nothing” you shout

“Don’t scream” his voice is low but nark.

He looks around, you are near the park and there is no one else.

Apparently you are the only ones who had the crazy idea of ​​running at 6 on Saturday morning.

He grabs your arm and drags you inside, you try to resist “Joel!” but you don’t really want to. He stops behind a tree and pushes you against it.

“You’re trying to do nothing, huh? You haven't been trying to tease me since you got here, have you?“

“No” you say, but you're so delighted that he noticed.

“So at the Geller party last week you didn’t intentionally drop your glass in front of me and bend over to pick it up so I could see your panties, right?”

“I dropped a glass, that's all,” you coo.

“And not even the day you stood naked in front of your bedroom window? You knew I was in the garden, you saw me“

“I was in my room and I had just showered. It's not my fault that you are a voyeur”

“Sure. And the other day when I met you and your father at the cafe and you were eating ice cream? Even then you weren’t trying to do anything?”

Oh. He noticed that too.

Yep, you were busy with that spoon. Pretty cliché of you, you felt so silly.

But apparently it worked.

“It's you who sees mischief where there’s nothing”

“Oh sure, I imagined it” he hiss

You feel the bark stinging your back as he presses you against it, his arms at either side of you stretched out against the tree.

You could duck and run away if you wanted to. The point is, you don't want to.

“And tell me, what did you think you were going to do with these shorts and this top?”

“I was thinking of running” you shrug, and you look at him batting your eyelashes.

He snorts, “You’re such a brat”

You raise your chin slightly, resting your head against the tree “So what?” you ask defiantly “What do you want to do, you moldy old rag, punish me?”

He presses you even more against the tree, staying an inch from your face. You can feel his breath blowing on your skin.

“This attitude will not bring you anything good”

“oooh how scary”you whisper, looking him straight in the eyes.

He licks his lips “Is this what you want?”

“Yes”

His mouth is crushing on yours in a second, his tongue forces your lips and slips inside licking you hungrily and leaving you breathless, his beard scratching your skin.

You grab his cock through his shorts squeezing it and you can feel it’s already hard.

He pulls off and hiss “Fuck, baby, you don’t waste time”

“Yes, I never liked wasting my time” you purr

He takes your hand and raises your arm, pinning it against the tree. “And you think you deserve that?” he asks you authoritatively.

“What the fuck. Of course I do”

“I don’t think so. Here's what you're going to do now. You're going to shut your mouth and do what I tell you to do.”

“No” you hiss

“Oh you will, brat, if you want my dick”

“Fuck”

He looks around again to make sure there is no one in the park. “Kneel down.”

“On the ground?” you raise your eyebrow

“Yeah, on the ground princess. Kneel”

“But I-”

“KNEEL. Fuck, don't make me raise my voice, someone might hear”

You kneel in front of him and he pulls down his shorts just enough to pull his cock out.

It's huge.

You swallow, wondering how you're going to fit it in your mouth.

“Open” he orders

“It won’t fit” you’re suddenly intimidated.

“It will fit, darling, open wide”

“But Joel…”

“Open. Wide.”

You open your mouth as wide as you can and wait. He spit in his hand and strokes himself a couple of times and then starts to slide it into your mouth, onto your tongue.

Your gag reflex almost gets the better of you when you feel it hit the back of your throat.

His salty, musky flavor is all over your mouth.

Luckily you manage to hold back and look up at him “Just like that, honey. See how much easier it is when you stop being a brat?”

He grabs your ponytail and starts moving your head up and down its length, the ground scrapes your knees, you try to breathe through your nose but you're still tired from the run and it's not like Joel has given you so much time to recover.

You close your eyes and try to focus on your breathing but Joel immediately scolds you “eyes on me” and he tugs on your hair.

You grunt and in response he starts fucking your mouth again harder than before.

“Do as I say or your pussy won't even get touched today.”

And you stupidly think “well, I can do it myself” and you bring one hand up your shorts, right above your clit.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you immediately hear him say as he takes his cock out of your mouth.

His hand is still tight on your ponytail, he pulls your head and slaps his cock on your cheek.

“This is what you wanted, right?”

“Yes” you murmur

“A little bit louder, babe. I can’t hear you”

“Yes” you repeat.

“You don't have an ending until I say so, you understand?”

“Yes”

“Good. Stick out your tongue for me, baby”

And you do. You want it too much.

He goes back into your mouth and starts rutting into it savagely.

You feel tears stinging your eyes and the ground is now unbearable under your knees but you don't protest anymore, his big fat cock throbbing between your lips and its veins sliding on your tongue are too delicious to do without.

You feel your panties getting soaked.

You look into his eyes again and you can see a pleased expression painted all over his face.

It's so infuriating and rousing at the same time.

Fuck, Joel Miller.

You don't even know how long he keeps fucking your mouth, you’re totally cock drunk at this point.

His orgasm takes you by surprise, you feel his seed invade your mouth and drip down your chin.

He finally pulls back and smear his seed all over your lips with his thumb.

He forces your lips with his finger “lick it clean, babe”

And you do, like a kitten starved.

“Such a good girl” and his little praise goes straight to your clit.

He finally gets you off the ground and he puts his cock back in his pants.

You look down at your knees, they’re full of grass and dirt, you brush them off with the back of your hand and they hurt. Great. You already know you’re going to get bruises.

“What are you going to tell your parents?”

“That I gave you a blowjob in the park after running. What do you think? Jesus, I'll pretend that I fell to the ground like an idiot" and you roll your eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, bratty little thing” Joel smirk defiantly.

You sit up and lean back against the tree. You tug on his shirt, pulling him closer to you. “So are you going to fuck me or are you too old to come twice in a row?”

He doesn't even answer, he takes your wrists and holds them still against the tree with one hand, while he slips the other one past the elastic of your shorts and into your panties.

His thick, calloused fingers slide over your folds “You’re already soaking wet” and without warning he slides his index and middle fingers into your hole while his thumb presses on your clit.

You gasp so hard and he just says “God, you’re so tight, babe” and he starts curling them up into you “How does it feel?”

“Good” you whisper “so good, Joel, I feel so full”

“Yeah baby, that’s what daddy’s fingers are made for, to fill your pussy well” his scent mixed with sweat pervades your nostrils, he lowers his face to your neck and bites your skin while he doesn't stop moving inside you.

“Fuck” you hiss. You're intoxicated by him, your head is spinning “fuck, don’t stop, please”

“You drive me insane, you know that?”

And it’s absolutely true.

Joel shouldn't say this, but you've been stuck in his head like a nail since the day you got back and you won't leave him alone.

And now that he has let go of the leash of his inhibitions, it seems impossible to stop. He no longer knows how many times he has stopped to look at you, completely sucked in, his eyes glued to the curve of your ass or the roundness of your breasts, your nipples that peeked out from the fabric of your shirt.

And he managed to remain quiet anyway, until you pushed yourself to the limit by suggesting to go for a run together. And now he's even more fucked, because he's realized that feeling your mouth wrapped around his cock, your body on his, your tits pressed against his chest and your pussy opening up to his fingers is enrapturing.

And your shitty attitude actually makes him hornier.

“Fuck” he says in a hushed tone “Gosh, babe, you’re so pretty like that, all worked up over my fingers.”

“It feels so good, Joel, so good” you whine and you can hear you heart pounding in your chest so hard, he’s tormenting you as he slowly moves his fingers in and out of you “More, I want more”

“Ask nicely” his voice is firm

You look him in the eyes and you wonder why he can't be satisfied with your gaze, you're sure it’s eloquent enough at this moment.

“Please, Joel”

“What do you want, honey?”

“Your cock”

It’s incredible that you’re doing this in this park, you’re begging him to fuck you here.

In an hour at most it’ll start to fill up with people, probably even some of your neighbors who have known you forever. “Manners, babe” He bites one of your nipple through your sports bra and sucks greedily, wetting the fabric.

“Your cock - ah - please”

He lets go of your wrists and his hand comes out of your underwear, your pussy aching for a release.

He pulls down your shorts and frees his cock again, he puts your panties aside and takes his cock in his hand “spit” he orders you.

You look at him for a moment without understanding, dazed at the idea of ​​having to take his massive cock in your cunt, which is what you asked for.

He snaps his fingers in front of your eyes “wake up honey. spit on it” he repeats.

You gather some saliva in your mouth and then let it drip from your lips, letting it fall onto his cock.

“Good girl. You'd be even better if you didn't make me repeat things twice, we need to work on this”

He pushes you back against the tree and slides inside you in one go and yes, you are dripping but his intrusion still rocks you for a moment.

It burns.

He stands still and looks you in the eyes “listen, we don’t have much time princess, don’t pout like that”

“Asshole” you say under breath.

He slaps you “watch your mouth, pretty thing”

Your cheek burns and yet you’re never been so aroused by anyone before.

“Fuck. Just… fuck me, please. Please, Joel”

He grabs your ass cheeks and starts moving inside you. You try to stifle your moans but one escapes your lips “God! Please Joel, please”

“Shut up. I wish I could stuff your panties in your mouth, brat” He silences you with a kiss while you think you wish he could.

And you're so delusional that you think "next time."

He licks into your mouth while he’s pumping into you, hitting your cervix just right, again and again.

And you’re almost there.

He pulls away from your mouth to catch his breath “Joel - I think - I think I’m coming”

He’s still pumping, faster and harder.

You hold onto his shoulders and clench your fists into his shirt “Joel I’m - ah- coming”

“Yes I feel it, I feel your pussy squeezing me, you’re doing it so good, so good for me, baby.”

“Joel” you're begging him, you're so close that you feel like you've lost your mind “Joel, please”

“Come for me, baby” he finally says against your skin “come hard for me”

You’ve been waiting for his permission and now that he's given it to you you feel your whole body shudder as a devastating orgasm washes all over you.

You're quivering against his broad chest, digging your nails into his shirt, trying to moan as little as possible to avoid making yourself heard.

He holds you tight as your legs shake.

He's still inside you and starts pumping harder after giving you time to calm down a bit "where do you want me to come?" "Inside" you whisper

"Fuck, baby, seriously?"

"Yes, I'm on the pill, please Joel, please fill me up"

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, oh my god, please give it to me”

“Yeah, you want it, huh? You want my cum dripping down your legs, huh?

You nod “yes, please, please Joel”

And he explodes inside you an instant later, you feel thick sticky streaks of his seed painting your walls and he’s grunting so hard.

He takes it off you and puts it back in his pants, you fix your panties and shorts as best you can and you already feel it dripping between your thighs and it's a sensation that drives you crazy.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous like that, all sweaty and hot for me”

You smile at him, actually grateful “it was amazing”

“Come on, let's get out of here before anyone sees us”

As soon as he finishes saying this, you see a man with a dog on a leash pass by on the other side of the park.

FUCK.

You run away as fast as you can and once outside Joel stops on the sidewalk, bending over and putting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. “Fuck, do you think he saw us?”

“No, I don’t think so. But you know what? I don’t care.”

“You’re such a bad girl.”

Maybe you do, but you really don’t care, you’re too happy.

[sunshine-daisies-library]

ghost of you | steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: steve harrington comes to the realization that he needs you more than anything. if only he had come to that realization before he lost you forever. 

warnings: breakup, angst, drinking, depression, hopeful ending

wordcount: 2.05k

author's note: this fic is based off ghost of you by 5sos, and i hope you enjoy it! i started writing this like back in february and just decided to finish it up now, so there might be random gaps in there just lmk lol. if you'd like a part two, let me know!

Steve couldn’t sleep as well as he did before. Weeks of tossing and turning could no longer be blamed on a supposedly lumpy mattress. Dustin and Robin had told him time and time again that if he wanted a new mattress he could simply buy a new one. But the mattresses at the store were missing something. They didn’t come with the faint smell of your shampoo, or the wrinkles in the sheets from when you last slept over. 

Nearly two months had passed since you were here, yet everything remained the same in Steve’s bedroom. Your side of the bed was untouched. No matter how much Steve insisted he was getting over you, he still refused to sleep on your side of the bed. 

Steve rolled out of bed and dragged his feet down the stairs. The floors creaked with every heavy step until he made it down to the kitchen. Dust coated the countertop from lack of use aside from a plate of uneaten food here and there. Robin always made sure Steve had food - she’d stop by the local pizzeria at times and buy him a slice. But as soon as she’d leave, he’d push away the plate and go back to bed. 

Steve sat down on the barstool and sighed to himself. To his right sat a half empty cup of coffee. There was nothing special about the cup, it was just a blue cup with a faded “world’s okay-est dad” printed on it from the kids last holiday. But to Steve, it was your cup. Your lipstick was still stained on the rim, faint but still there. God, you didn’t live together officially back then, yet you had designated the left side of the bed and Steve’s yellow sweatshirt as yours, not that Steve minded, though. He loved you, adored you, even. 

If only he told you that when it mattered most. 

–

Steve wasn’t sure why he gave into Robin and Nancy’s idea. Perhaps it was because he was such a pushover for the kids, that nature transferred to them as well. Nonetheless, Steve was heavily regretting it. 

Now, all of Steve’s house was being deeply cleaned to a near perfect state. Nancy suggested throwing a party to get Steve “out of his funk,” as she put it. Anything to help improve his mood, but in reality Steve wanted to do anything but party. He couldn’t when you weren’t by his side, making sure he didn’t drink too much or that he had enough water and food in his stomach. Not when you weren’t pulling him to the middle of the room to dance like no one was watching, or whispering in his ear that you had enough socializing for one night. Those moments, he would look into your eyes and not break away when he called out to everyone that the party was over. Because you were everything to him and anything you said goes. That is until he broke things off with you. 

Why did he ever end things? 

Steve’s mind was racing as he absentmindedly swept the living room floor, dust accumulating at his feet. He didn’t hear Robin’s voice calling out to him until she was literally in front of him, shaking his shoulders. The boy snapped out of his thoughts, flinching at his friend’s rough shaking. 

“Jesus, Rob,” he shook his head. “What do you want?”

Robin rolled her eyes at his hostility and crossed her arms on her chest. “Nancy called,” she deadpanned. “She did the laundry and found a bunch of old crap. She wants to know if she can throw them out or donate them.”

Steve sighed, running his fingers through his uncommonly flat, greasy hair. He had forgotten to shower -once again- but he made a mental note to do so once he finished cleaning the house. “It’s probably my mom’s stuff. I’ll go down to check it out.” 

Handing the broom and dustpan to his friend, Steve casually walked downstairs to meet Nancy. And at that moment, he felt as though his entire world collapsed in front of him. In a way, his world really did. 

Nancy was crouched by the dryer, folding clothes and sorting them as she pleased. At her side was a lime green basket full of Steve’s old sweatshirts and jeans he once had haphazardly strewn across his bedroom floor. Sitting on top of the pile was a faded black Led Zeppelin shirt. The design was barely there anymore, and you could barely make out the words on it. But that didn’t matter to Steve. That was your shirt and not Nancy’s to touch. 

“Hey Steve,” she greeted without looking up from her work. “I set aside a pile of–” 

“What did you do?” Steve yelled, his voice raspy and broken from lack of use. He scrambled to the ground and reached for his band t-shirt. The worn material was thin and frail in his hands, almost to a point where he could pull a thread from the hem and the entire shirt would fall apart. 

Nancy shot up in alarm, not expecting his frantic reaction. “I-I did the laundry-”

“NO!” he cried out. He brought the article of clothing to his nose, desperately trying to smell you, find you, in the shirt but to no avail. All that he could smell was the stupid detergent from the convenience store. 

Tears streamed down his face and onto the cotton, quickly absorbing it and darkening the shirt color. “That was all I had of her,” he sobbed. “How could you, I-I” 

Robin ran down into the laundry room at the sound of Steve yelling. “What’s going on here?” she called, racing to meet her friends. “Nancy what happened?” 

The poor girl only shrugged her shoulders. “I was just finishing up the laundry and Steve flipped out. Something about a memento?” 

Robin stared down at the broken man before her. She could barely recognize him anymore. He was a wreck without you. “y/n’s shirt,” was all Robin could say. 

Closing his eyes, Steve could barely make out the image of you in the rain. You had yet another quarrel with your family and ended up at his doorstep. The fuzzy memory replayed in his head, how you were out of breath from running across town to him, looking for him. How he held you the entire night while you wore that shirt since your original clothes were wet and muddy. You clung to him as if he were your lifeline, and he held you with the same regard. They always said you two were too young to know what love felt or meant. No one understood or felt your hurt the way he did. That’s what made you perfect for each other.

And that’s what made you each other’s poison. 

– 

The debacle was resolved once Steve had fallen asleep in his room, locking himself away for the rest of the afternoon until cleaning had completed. Robin had consoled Nancy after she kicked herself for her mistake, but there was nothing that could be done afterwards. Something Steve had forgotten was that they had lost a friend as well. If he wasn’t your person, Nancy was, the girl glued to the hip wherever you went. And Robin was a little sister to you, the kids, too. You were an essential part of your little group. And now you’re just gone. 

Soon enough, the party started and the Harrington Manor was filled to the brim with drunk high school students or popular has-beens. No one quite knew how they managed to get in, but no one stopped them or cared for that matter. It was a long shot, but Eddie, Nancy, and Robin were grasping at straws to get their Steve back. If a party to reminisce old times brings back his cheerful spark, then they were willing to buy all the booze Hawkins could supply. 

Steve stood by himself in the corner of the main room of the house, nursing his third can of beer of the hour. He was silent, despite the many people coming up in their drunken stupor to greet the supposed host of the party. All he could manage was a fake smile and nod to bore them off. 

All of a sudden, he caught a glimpse of a familiar color of hair. He whipped his head around to follow the shadow, only for it to disappear into the crowd. Steve hurried to push through waves of people dancing to music Steve could only describe as pure trash, to find what he was looking for. After all, could it be? After two months, could a party bring you back to him? 

“y/n!” Steve shouted out, his voice drowned out in the blaring music. “y/n!” 

The shadow did not stop, but neither did Steve. Steve followed it to the backyard, shouting and stumbling as the alcohol in his system began to take over. 

“Steve!” a voice shouted behind him. Steve finally stopped to turn around and see Max staring back at him in disbelief. “What the hell are you yelling about?”

Steve’s hands trembled as he grabbed Max’s shoulders. “y/n,” he whispered. “I saw her, I swore I saw her here. She was right there, I-” 

“Steve,” Max sighed. “She’s not here. She never was.” The teen pointed out at the garden and pool, seeing no one in sight. Truth be told, absolutely no one was there. Not in the party, nor the backyard. Steve’s grief had taken him by storm. Max feared the worst for him.

–

The party finally ended in the early hours of the morning. Steve woke up on the sticky floor of his manor to the sound of his doorbell ringing. The night was a blur to him. He could barely recall when the party started, much as when it ended. There were flashes of blaring lights and music in Steve’s intoxicated mind. His friends had tried to stop him from drinking himself stupid. At one point, Eddie had to catch him off the kitchen counter when he thought he could crowd surf. To put it shortly, his friends had gotten extremely upset with him and left not long after. Not that Steve cared, though. The alcohol in his system and neverending dread prevented him from caring. 

“I can’t keep doing this anymore, Steve,” Robin had yelled over the loud music. Their friends nodded solemnly behind her. “We can’t keep letting you sulk and drink yourself to death. But we can’t help you when you can’t help yourself.”

“Like I care,” Steve slurred, stumbling over himself. Trashy beer dribbled down his chin, onto his expensive sweater. “I didn’t ask you guys to help me. I didn’t ask you to wash her shirt, or clean her side of the bed. I didn’t ask you to help me forget her.” 

“We aren’t telling you to forget her,” Dustin sighed for the millionth time that night. “We just want you to go back to normal.”

Steve plopped down against the wall, his head creating a thud noise against it. “How can I?” he began to cry. “I see her everywhere. It’s like her ghost is still here, dancing through the house.” His friends stared down at him feeling absolutely helpless. The young teens watched pitifully. Steve was their rock throughout it all. He was the strongest person they knew, but now he was broken in a million pieces and there was nothing they could do. 

And now, Steve clumsily stood up and kicked around empty beer cans as he approached the door. 

“Alright,” he grumbled, thinking it was one of his friends. He knew he had to apologize for the things he said that night, but he was hoping he’d get a chance to get over his hangover first. 

The doorbell rang one more time, causing Steve to wince at the pinging noise. “I heard you the first time, for fuck’s sake,” he yelled out. Unlocking the door, the door swung open to reveal not Nancy, or Dustin, or even Robin for that matter. 

“Stevie,” you whispered, teary eyed. You were wearing his yellow sweatshirt and hadn’t changed a bit. From your hair to your stature. You were still his girl.

“y/n,” Steve gasped out.

[writingreadinglurkingandsmirking]

You Should Find Another Guiding Light - Rafe Cameron x Reader

Dear Reader Duology: Part 1, Part 2

Summary: With you drunk at Kelce’s party, Rafe has to drive you, his ex, home. Neither of you are over each other and both of you know it, for better or for worse. That doesn’t make things easy. Not at all. Word Count: 3.7k+ TWs/CWs: She/her pronouns used, adult/profane language, descriptions of a party, descriptions of drunkenness, a guy being a weirdo, Rafe being a little bit crazy, angst with the potential for a happy ending, I guess. Note: The title is in fact a Taylor Swift lyric lol. I don’t know, I just wanted to dip my toes in the OBX writing arena and I just had this idea pop into my head and not leave me alone so here it is. I think I might end up doing a part 2 for this just because I don’t want this to be Sad, but we shall see.

Rafe heard the chant of, “Go, go, go, go,” from the other side of the house.

The chant didn’t interest him even remotely. Pretty much nothing about the party did, actually. And if it weren’t at Kelce’s house while his parents were out of town, he wouldn’t have even bothered to come. The high he’d been riding had faded nearly an hour ago, and the drink in his hand was not nearly strong enough. He wasn’t even buzzed anymore, this was boring. All these fucking parties were boring now. Had been since…well, long enough now.

“Rafe,” he heard to his left, while about to bring the cup to his lips. He cut his eyes to the side. It was Topper, a grim look on his face, lips turned firmly downward. Rafe raised an eyebrow, lowering the cup. “Get the fuck out here, I need your help.”

“What?” he asked, huffing as he put down his cup on the nearest surface. Before Topper could answer, though, Rafe noted the ongoing chants from outside. A chant that was exclusively a mixture of his ex’s name—your name, the reason that nothing was enjoyable anymore—and cheers. “Oh fucking hell no.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Topper said dryly. “Me and Kelce just had to stop her from doing a keg stand in a skirt.”

“I swear to God,” Rafe growled. 

Rafe shouldered past him quickly making his way outside. You were dancing. He didn’t inherently have a problem with that. He loved watching you dance, in fact. Especially when you were drunk. But, that wasn’t even half the issue. He was torn between a mixture of fury and concern when he saw you, standing on top of the outdoor bar with some random guy holding your legs and trying to look up your skirt. The skirt that Rafe knew personally you almost never wore anything under. He couldn’t even imagine how drunk you were right now to not be flicking that guy’s hands off of you.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Topper advised.

“Shut the fuck up, Top,” Rafe retorted harshly.

He strode forward, landing his hand aggressively on the guy’s shoulder and squeezing it until the man winced and tried to pull away. Then, Rafe only squeezed tighter. The guy shouted in protest to the rough grip, but Rafe didn’t care. The tool still had the nerve to have his fucking hand on your leg. You hadn’t even noticed that Rafe was standing there yet, which was another mark to just how out of it Rafe knew you had to be.

“What the fuck, Cameron?” the guy demanded.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Rafe spat. “And what the fuck do you think that you’re doing?”

The guy, obviously far too stupid for his own good, smirked at Rafe. Actually fucking smirked. Rafe felt his blood pressure rising. Rafe saw, somewhere in his periphery that Topper and Kelce were both coming his way. He didn’t particularly care. He could easily handle this loser himself.

“You two aren’t even together anymore,” the guy said smugly. “So, last I checked she’s a free agent, isn’t she?”

“Oh Jesus fucking Christ,” Kelce muttered behind him.

Rafe paid no mind to it, hand moving from the guy’s shoulder to his throat. Rafe smiled at the shock in the guy’s eyes, an angry glint in his eyes. He ignored the other’s weak attempts at dislodging him and instead took a step closer, glaring down at the little fucker.

“Take your hand off her or you won’t have a hand,” he said flatly. Idiot that he was, literally being choked and surrounded by Rafe’s friends, the guy still didn’t move his hand. Rafe let out a harsh laugh, tilting his head to the side slightly, looking more pissed by the second. “We can jump from you losing the hand to me killing you. Your fucking choice.” Starting to go purple in his face, Rafe laughed at the guy again, not loosening his hold. He reached over with his other hand, peeling his grip off of your leg, squeezing hard enough that Rafe was shocked the bones weren’t cracking. “Wasn’t so fucking hard to listen, was it?”

“Rafe,” Topper said sharply.

Rafe glanced back at him and then rolled his eyes. He let go of the guy and threw him away, hard, towards the ground. A good friend as always, Kelce caught the guy, then he and Topper started walking the jackass out to make sure he actually left the party. Yeah, Rafe was going to have to make sure that he never saw that guy again. Or, if he did, that it wasn’t in public like this. Rafe turned his attention back to you and was startled to see you looking down at him already.

“Rafe?” you asked, cocking your head to the side, looking, quite frankly, like a confused puppy.

Clenching his jaw, Rafe reached up, patting the bare skin of your leg, forcing himself to keep it brief and not let his hands linger on the bare skin. “Come on, Princess,” he said firmly.

Your brow furrowed. “Fuck you! I’m having fun,” you slurred.

At that, Rafe let himself roll his eyes. “Yeah. I’m not letting you dance on the bar and do a fucking striptease. You’ll hate yourself tomorrow,” he said sharply. You glared down at him, but Rafe didn’t care, knowing that he was absolutely right. “Get the fuck down.” You didn’t listen, unsurprisingly—you never had—so he physically grabbed you, carefully maneuvering your body off the bar without exposing you to the whole party.

“Rafe,” you whined, “stop it. I don’t want to go with you!”

“Liar,” he said, scoffing before he could stop himself. When you were level with his face, he grabbed your chin and made you look at him. “Stop fucking fighting me before you flash somebody.”

You glared at him. “Who cares if I do?” you asked.

Once again, Rafe rolled his eyes. “I’ll take their fucking eyes out. But, let’s not do this, Princess. I’ve had enough shit today without this added on,” he said through grit teeth, losing the limited patience he’d started with. He helped you off the bar—manhandled you, really—until you were standing on your feet, using his body for support to stay upright. 

“You have no right,” you said, sniffing.

“How much have you even had to drink?” Rafe asked, amusement overcoming his irritation for a second.

“Oh fuck you,” you repeated, pushing weakly at his chest, even though your hand tangled in the bottom of his shirt like it always did when you were utterly sloshed. “I haven’t even had that much!” You then took on a distinctly dizzy look, swaying and Rafe cursed, catching your waist to steady you. “See? I’m fine!”

“Yeah, you’re so fine,” he agreed sarcastically. 

Without waiting for you to say anything else, Rafe started guiding you toward the exit. He nodded at Kelce and Topper as they passed. He ignored the looks on his friends’ faces as best he could. He didn’t need to think about the shit he’d get from them about this in the morning. No, instead, he focused on forcing you into the passenger seat of his truck and making you get buckled up. Only after Rafe got into the car and started it did you seem to register that you weren’t at the party anymore.

“Hey! Where the hell are you taking me? I’m not going home with you!” you slurred, clearly in an argumentative mood.

“No. You’re not. I’m taking you home. To your house,” he replied, patience coming back at least a little bit now that they weren’t in the stupid party crowd.

“Rafael Cameron you fucking suck,” you accused glaring at him.

“Why’s that?” Rafe asked, backing up and then putting the car in drive and practically peeling out of Kelce’s driveway.

You scoff at his question. It would be adorable if it weren’t at his expense, Rafe was sure. “First you fucking break up with me out of nowhere! And give me no explanation at all! And you take half our fucking friends in the end! And then you kill the goddamn vibe the second I try to have fun at a party,” you declare sounding genuinely pissed.

“That’s not—” Rafe began, stopping himself with a sigh when you cut him off.

“No! Shut up!” you demanded, hitting his arm, once, twice, a third time, until Rafe sharply pulled over and turned to glare at you. He was angry now, except his anger was short-lived. The moment he met your eyes and saw that yours were full of tears, he deflated. Your bottom lip trembled and Rafe had to actively count his breaths to keep from not reacting to it. “Why are you ruining parties now? Was my life not enough for you? You have to take the rest of the good things left too?”

Rafe inhaled shakily. He pinched his nose and tapped his fingers against the wheel and then looked back towards you. “You know you didn’t want someone else touching you,” he said calmly. “You hate when people think they can touch you at parties. You always have.” He took a breath. “I don’t want to see anything happen to you. Especially when you’re too drunk to think clearly.” You went to retort but Rafe shook his head. “No. Stop. Just listen to me.” You rolled your eyes and looked away. Rafe caught your chin and turned your face so you were looking at him again. “I’m not going to watch some losers take advantage of you. Ever. You think that’d stop?”

“Why do you even care?” you spat, displaying sadness more than the anger he knew you were going for.

“Don’t ask me that,” Rafe warned, shaking his head. “Don’t act like you don’t know already. The dumb act has never worked for you.”

You scoffed. “Oh? So you’re a coward now too on top of everything else? Cool,” you said. “Can’t even talk to me, huh?”

Rafe let go of your face and turned away from you, pulling back on the road and driving faster now towards your house. “You know damn well why I care,” he said through grit teeth.

“Do I?” you challenged.

“Princess,” he said sharply, “don’t do this right now.” He took a deep breath even though he didn’t want to. “You’re drunk.”

“And?” you demanded. “That makes me an idiot?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” he said, groaning in irritation. You swatted at his chest again. And truly, if this were anyone else, he’d have kicked them out of the car. But it was you. “Come on, Princess.” He tapped the steering wheel to manage the anxiety brewing in his chest at the thought. “We can have a conversation about it when you’re sober if you want. But I’m not doing this with you drunk. Fuck that.”

“Fuck you,” you reiterated as if you hadn’t already said it to him a thousand times that night.

Even with that declaration, you were blessedly quiet the rest of the ride. You fiddled with the heat on your side of the truck, getting comfortable, and just stared out of the window. And for the rest of the ride, Rafe could almost pretend that things were normal. The way that they should’ve been. Except that you were leaning on the door and not him. And that both of his hands were on the wheel, instead of one resting on your leg. And your stony silence, even when your favorite songs came on the shared playlist neither of you had gotten around to deleting yet. The silence in the car in general, really.

At your house, Rafe had to nearly throw himself from the car to get to your side before you opened the door and tumbled out. Even doing that, you nearly fell from the truck in an uncoordinated heap, stubbornly not wanting his assistance. He huffed and righted your feet on the ground, holding your waist and looking you over. You leaned into the touch for a second before seemingly realizing it, then you pulled wildly away, nearly falling again until he caught you.

“You can be angry after I get you to your room,” he said firmly.

“Fine,” you muttered, frowning.

Rafe went to move but you wouldn’t move. He tried to force you to move, but you resisted every logical piece of your mind, and every attempt he made. You were firmly stuck to your spot as if trying to grow roots like a tree. So, he picked you up again, carrying you to the door. Graciously, your parents weren’t in town and the house was empty, so no one had to see this disaster unfold. 

He took your key and unlocked the door easily, locking it behind them for the time being. He didn’t really feel like risking someone coming in when he was corralling a drunk you and he couldn’t pay full attention to everything else. Then, he carried you upstairs like it was nothing to him. He dropped you gently on your bed and avoided looking at you as he grabbed a pair of clothes for you to change into. He went into your bathroom and got makeup remover, knowing that you’d be pissed if you woke up with a trace of makeup still on your face still. 

As he walked back into the room, Rafe regretted leaving almost immediately. Your eyes were swimming with tears and a few were spilling down your cheeks. You looked away from him, trying to avoid his gaze, but he wasn’t an idiot. He’d noticed. You tried to scrub them away and he sighed almost silently. Rafe put the stuff down on the bed next to you and then knelt down in front of you. He grabbed your hands but didn’t say anything and waited.

“I hate you,” you said weakly, bottom lip wavering.

“I know,” he said, nodding. He cracked a fake grin. “I do too.”

“Fuck you,” you said, shaking your head. You sniffled and Rafe immediately knew that he wasn’t leaving for a while still. He stroked the back of your hands and waited once more. You always cracked. It didn’t take long, only a few breaths. “I love you. I…I fucking hate you.” You leaned heavily toward him and he wrapped his arms around you without hesitation. “I love you. I wish I didn’t.”

“I know,” he repeated. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. He let out a slow breath, deciding that fuck it, it didn’t matter anyway anymore, not if he didn’t think you’d remember this in the morning. “I love you too, Gorgeous. You know that.”

You let out a watery laugh. “No I don’t,” you denied. He frowned at the words. “You left me. I…I hate that you left me. I didn’t do anything!”

Rafe sighed. “We talked about this,” he said quietly.

“Fuck you. You decided. We didn’t talk about anything!” you reminded him.

And that was true. He grabbed your chin again, forcing your eyes to meet yet again. This time though, he leaned your foreheads together. Your bottom lip trembled, but you happily stayed close to him. He took it as the tiny, tiny, minuscule win that was. He moved his hand from your chin to your cheek, thumb tracing a pattern up and down, soothing and slow.

“I need to make sure you’re safe,” he reminded you.

“You’re stupid,” you said, pulling away from him. “Just because we’re not together doesn’t mean I’m safe. Everyone knows that we were together. Everyone knows that to get to you they’d just have to use me. So I’m not suddenly more safe.”

“Safe from me,” Rafe gruffly corrected. When you open your mouth to retort, eyes alight with anger, he places his hand over your mouth. “Like I said, Gorgeous. We can talk about this later. When you’re not drunk. If you even want to still.”

“Oh? You’ll stop ignoring me then?” you asked from behind his hand. “Act like the adults that we are?”

Rafe rolled his eyes. “I haven’t been ignoring you. I’ve been giving you space,” he said. He let out a rough sigh, then shook his head, reminding himself that this would have to wait. “I promise we will talk about it if you want to. “Now can I please just help you change and get this stupid fucking makeup off you?”

Miracle of miracles, you didn’t try to fight him on it. So, he helped you change, ignoring the wandering hands and clumsy advances from you with ease. And then he forced you to get all the makeup off and brush your teeth. Then, he made you drink a bottle of water and settle in bed. You were pouting at him, tears still falling from your eyes—he didn’t know if they’d stopped since they started—that he brushed away lazily. Rafe sighed and sat next to you, stroking your cheek. Your hand landed on his knee, the touch almost hard as though you needed to squeeze his leg to remember he really was there. It broke his fucking heart.

“Come on, you gotta stop. We just got more water in you,” he said softly. “You know I can’t leave you when you’re upset like this. Not when you’re alone here.” He nearly winced at his phrasing when you seemed to cry harder for a moment. “Come on, Princess. You gotta stop crying.”

“Then I guess you can’t leave,” you replied shakily.

Rafe bit his lip, looking down at you. Knowing that he was already fucked anyways, he moved, pulling you practically into his lap. He held you tightly, glad that you didn’t even make an attempt at brushing the affection off. No, you leaned into the touch like you’d been starved of love your whole life. You laid your head right over his heart, eyes closed. He felt the way that your hands tapped the rhythm of his heartbeat into his arm. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“I don’t want you to doubt that I love you. I don’t want you to doubt that…that our relationship is…was real,” Rafe said. “I do love you. It’s just…hard, Gorgeous.”

You turned your head up to meet his eyes. He watched a flurry of intense emotions—every single one he’d ever experienced…more, maybe—flash through your eyes in a matter of seconds. You reached up and stroked his cheekbone…his nose…his lips. Then, you dropped your hand to lay on his chest, right next to where your head was.

“We’ll talk about it,” you declared. “I want to. We have to.”

“Okay, Princess,” he agreed softly. He knew that there was a chance sober you wouldn’t actually want to talk to him. He could ignore that in the meantime. He could live in this moment. In the false hope of a promised future where you did want to talk to him. “We’ll talk.”

You leaned up and pressed an incredibly short fleeting kiss to his lips before burying your face in his chest. He closed his eyes and held you tighter, wishing that things were…different.  “Can you just…stay until I fall asleep?” you asked quietly. “I know you won’t stay all night, but…please?”

Rafe’s heart, again, broke for you. And he hated himself for hurting you the way that he was. “Yeah,” he said, voice hoarse. He stroked your arms, soothing. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep, Princess.” He knew it wouldn’t be long anyhow. Your eyes were already heavy, staying shut longer than they were staying open.

“I miss you, Rafe,” you admit quietly.

“I miss you too,” he said, equally quiet.

You paused. “I love you,” you said.

Rafe inhaled shakily. “I love you too. So much,” he said, voice sounding choked and short.

“Do you promise?” you whispered.

He paused. He had no doubt you heard his heart stutter in his chest. “I promise.”

Your eyes started to drift closed longer and longer while Rafe rubbed a soothing pattern up and down your back until he was sure you were asleep. You were incredibly beautiful in this peaceful sleep, with even breathing and a smile on your face. It was the happiest he’d seen you look in a while. He knew it was his fault. Again, he hated himself for it. It made him sure that he did the right thing even if it killed you both right now.

He had to leave.

He let out a sigh and pressed another kiss to your forehead, then another. He took the time to inhale your scent, memorize the way that you felt in his arms…to be with you again. Then, carefully, he got out of your grasp and stood. Rafe then settled you comfortably on your bed and tucked you in. He pressed a final kiss to your forehead then stood and walked to your bedroom door.

He had to leave. He didn’t want to.

For a beat, Rafe paused in the doorframe. He looked down at your sleeping frame. He longed to just lay down with you and forget the trials of the past two months without you. The hell he went through without you. He shook his head though. You deserved better. He was sure of it. He was almost certain that sober you would agree. Still, as he walked quietly down the hall, locking the door again behind himself, and slipping out back to his truck, he found himself hoping. Hoping that you would call him. Hoping that you would still want to talk.

He had to leave. He didn’t want to. He loved you.

In the quiet of his car, he took the time to look at his phone. Just after two thirty in the morning now. Your smiling face, still his wallpaper, looked back at him. He stared at the image of you, smiling at him like he was the sun, and felt his heart squeeze so tightly it took his breath away. 

He had to leave. He didn’t want to. He loved you. You were everything, even now.

He started the car and started to drive back to his own place now. He tapped at the steering wheel again to avoid chewing at his nails like you hated—even now you kept him from bad habits he had, even if they were the little ones.

Rafe knew he wasn’t strong enough to stay away and he didn’t want to.

Even if it made him selfish, he hoped you called him—he hoped for a second chance.

[repulsiveliquidation]

To Love Someone

Ona Batlle x Reader, Part 2 of The Best of Me, inspired by this request!

currently obsessed with Benson Boone's song To Love Someone lol

word count : 6.1k, enjoy my longest fic yet.

warnings of knifes, blood, kidnapping and SMUT.

Over the next few months, you slowly began to be more comfortable with changing around the girls. You had mentioned off-handedly to Alexia that you were getting more comfortable with changing around Ona and that you wanted to start changing with the girls in the changing room. You figure she must have said something because when you had taken your shorts off in front of them the first time there was little to now acknowledgment from the girls. Ona gave you a big smile when you pulled on your training shorts, the rest of the girls coming up to you to give you pats on the back and squeezes on your shoulder; without saying much, they had shown you their support and that they were proud of you for trusting them. The original five stayed behind, wrapping you up in a group hug as you softly cried. Ona held you face softly with tears in her own eyes, pecking your lips as she mumbled praises only for you to hear.

“I’m so proud of you, bebita. You’re so brave, the girls and I are all so proud of you.”

Alexia pulled you into her arms, hand cradling the back of your sniffling head.

“I told them that you were ready and to not overwhelm you. Was that okay? Did anyone make you uncomfortable? I’ll tell them for you if you want, you don’t need to. I’m sorry if they did.”

You grab her hands and hold them to your chest, you lean in and give her cheek a soft peck.

“You’re a right worrier, Ale. It was perfect, the girls were the best. You’re the best, thank you for looking out for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re like a little sister to me, nena. I’d do anything for you, I love you.”

“I love you too, Ale,” you turned and faced all the girls; Ona was hugging Aitana and Lucy, Ingrid was wiping away tears as Mapi quietly teased her. Your heart swelled at the sight of them, feeling safe in their presence. You had finally learnt how to put your past in the past and these girls, including Leah, were the only reason you could, the only reason you felt strong enough to even try.

“You girls are the reason I could take that step towards being myself around the team and I cannot thank you enough. Ona, if you hadn’t unintentionally touched me that day, I wouldn’t be here today. There were days before we met where the voices in my head were too loud and quite often took control. When I allowed myself to love you, they eventually stopped. You showed me that I could love and that I could be loved. Ale, you took me in when I didn’t have anyone. You showed me that family doesn’t need to be blood. Lucy, you and Leah showed me that people really can be kind just because and not expect anything in return. Amanda has never let me pay her back for all that she did for me. ‘Just go keep Leah entertained, darling. Lord knows that child can be a right handful,’ she used to say, pushing me out the back door.” You chuckled at the memory, clearly hearing Amanda’s voice like she was right there with you. You turned to Aitana and continued.

“Tana, you showed me that love comes in many forms. I know we aren’t that close but you have stood by me because you’re close to Ona, your silent support has been more impactful than you worry about with Ona. You were there for her when I couldn’t be. Lastly, Mapi and Ingrid. You two have been like parents to me, a shining example of how two people can and should love each other. You’ve helped me try to love Ona the same way. I love you all, more than words could ever say.” You wipe a couple tears away, grinning a little. “Okay, spiel over,” You end with a soft chuckle, just as Mapi is now in tears as she pulls you in for a rough hug. You laugh and rub her back, the rest of the girls now making fun of her.

//

“Y/N? Could we have a word?” Jonatan asks, standing near the water coolers with Alexia and Lucy. You jog over, letting go of Ona who was hugging you.

“Yeah, Jonatan?” you reach over and grab your bottle, taking large sips. A few weeks after your affectionate confession to the girls you had finally gotten to courage to wear a short-sleeved shirt. You were still weary of being exposed so you compromised with keeping your pants long this time but a short sleeve shirt was something that you can barely remember putting on since you left home all those years ago. The breeze on your arms was something you didn’t even know you missed, not to mention being able to touch Ona with all that newly exposed skin. She snuck into your arms while you were talking to Pina and Patri, her rough palms simply rubbing over your fine-haired arms. She felt the warmth in your skin give her a sense of safety, choosing to close her eyes and listen to you talking to your teammates. When you were called over to Jonatan, you kissed the side of her head and left, jogging over towards them. She watched you carefully, trying to read his lips as he talked quite seriously with you. Alexia standing there with Lucy did nothing to soothe her worries but she trusted them to have your back should something bad happen. Pina and Patri seemed to have the same thought as Ona, they too stopped talking and watched the four of your closely. Pina spoke first, when she saw you shaking your head then nodding.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Oni. She’s okay.”

Ona could only nod, biting her fingernails in worry.

//

“Yeah, Jonatan?”

“I see that you’ve made use of our new training jersey. It looks great on you,” he compliments, knowing your story after you spoke to all the coaches a week ago.

“Thanks, I like it. What did you want to speak to me about?”

“You know our fixture next week is a friendly in England? Against Arsenal?”

“Yes sir.” “I know it was scheduled for Leigh Sports Village at our request but there’s been a mix up.”

“Okay, so?”

“It’s been changed to Meadow Park.”

You try to keep your calm and nod, feeling like the walls were closing in despite being outside. You take deep breaths and find yourself, Alexia’s arm wrapping around your shoulders. You take a big sip of water, calming down enough to keep them from being more concerned.

“I understand if you don’t want to be a part of the travelling team.”

“No, no. I want to play. I can.”

“Nena, you don’t need to push yourself too fast. You don’t need to go if you’re not comfortable yet.”

“No, Ale. I’ve been running for years. 6 years. No more, I can’t let him keep controlling me this way,” you tell her, convincing yourself at the same time. She looks at you stone-faced, eyebrows indicating that she was buying none of it. She didn’t protest it however, nodding slowly at you before turning back to Jonatan. He smiled softly, calling out to the girls to tell them that training was over for the day. Ona came up behind you and hugged you, you jumped out of your skin when she held you. You managed to brush it off with laughter, scolding her affectionately for scaring you. You lean back into her a little before putting your bottle back into the carrier before taking her hand and pulling her towards the changing rooms. The girls watched and smiled fondly, thinking that you were dragging Ona away for some private time but Alexia knew you better than they did.

Maria saw the cross look on her face as she watched you two disappear out of her sight. She watched Alexia mumble under her breath a little, shoving her bottle into the cooler a little too aggressively.

“Alexia? What’s gotten into you?”

“She’s pushing herself too fast.”

“Who? Y/N?”

“Yes,” she turns, facing Aitana, Maria, Ingrid and Lucy. “She wants to go to England with us for the Arsenal friendly next week.”

“So? The stadium and hotel aren’t close to where she used to live.” Maria says, clearly she didn’t check her email.

“You idiot, didn’t you see the stadium change? It’s at Meadow Park now.” Lucy tells her, running a hand down her face in frustration.

"Oh, Dios mío" Aitana exclaims, hand flying to her mouth in surprise.

“We must keep an eye on her, only God knows what could happen if that asshole finds out she’s coming home.”

//

“What’s wrong Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

“I just need you to sit,” you tell her, pushing her into an empty treatment room. She sits, pulling you into her arms wordlessly. You breakdown the moment your face tucks into her neck, wrapping your arms around her waist as she comforts you. Her hands rub the back of your neck just how you like, the other circling over your back.

“Shh, shh tell me what’s wrong bebé.”

You sniffle, mumbling into her neck a response. “We’re going to England next week.”

“Yes, I know. Nowhere near your father bebita, we will make sure of that.”

“No, Ona. They changed the stadium venue.”

“To where?”

“Meadow Park.”

She freezes her comforts, her time in London serving her with good memory of where that was. She knew the area relatively well, realizing that it was just under an hour away. The game was a big one, with Barcelona coming to England, it was widely advertised. When the game was scheduled for Manchester, two and a half hours seemed like a decent distance but an hour was not as comforting.

“Mi amor, you don’t have to go.”

“I don’t want to but at the same time I can’t keep letting him win.”

“But I don’t want you to be looking over your shoulder the whole time, cariño.”

She pulls your face out of her neck and wipes away your tears. She kisses the apples of your cheeks and smiles softly, leaning in to kiss you properly. You sigh into the kiss, melting into her arms as they wrap around your shoulders and you pull her closer to stand between her legs. They too wrap around your hips, your hands pulling her closer. She’s pressed flush to your body, before you pull away slowly and press your forehead to hers.

“I can’t keep running away from him. I want him to see who I am, the name I made for myself. The pain I turned into success. The pain that still consumes me sometimes but I am better than he ever said I could be.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” You sigh and look at her. “Thank you for being here with me.”

She cups your cheeks, you hold her wrists and lean into her palm. You press a soft kiss to it, looking up into her beautiful brown eyes. She looks at you with love you can see, her thumbs rubbing into your cheeks with love you can feel. You close your eyes again, taking in her presence and her soft breaths. It calms you, easing your worries about the thought of meeting your father again.

//

“Are you ready, amor?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

You’re at the airport, sitting in the departure lounge with the team. Ona was on your left and Alexia on your right. She had been following you the whole day, doing her best impression of a bodyguard. You’ve got Ona’s legs draped over your thigh, softly rubbing her exposed skin as she’s already about to fall asleep. You’re also in a heated debate with Maria, trying to figure out what to do once you’ve gotten to London.

“Maria, we are not going to all get matching tattoos.”

“Why not? I have a brilliant design!”

“That will not go near my skin.”  

“Are you saying my design is ugly and that you don’t want my artwork to grace your body?”

“Sí.”

“Why you little–”

“That’s enough, elskling. Plane’s boarding.” Ingrid snaps at her, rolling her eyes as she grabs her bag, leaving Maria to gather her stuff alone.

“We aren’t done, you back stabber.”

“Oh, I’m just shaking in my boots.”

//

“I’ll just do the chips and a glass of water please.”

“Uh, the same for me.”

As the flight attendant hands you your snacks, Ona takes hers and waits for the flight attendant to walk away. She suddenly pulls your hand into her lap; you look up at her, smiling softly before you see the concerned look she’s got. You see that she’s got a flavor of chips she doesn’t like.

“You want to trade? I know you don’t like those.”

“Huh? Oh, Sí, gracias.”

You use your other hand to swap the chips but she looks distracted, eyebrows furrowed like she’s thinking really hard about if she should speak.

“Darling? You okay?” you ask first, squeezing her hand that you’re holding.

“Are you sure you’re okay to be there tomorrow?”

“Yes, I’ll be okay. I don’t even know if he’s alive, let alone still living there.”

“He is, he’s still there.” Alexia interjects, looking up from her iPad she was furiously typing on in front of you.

“How do you know?”

“Leah told me, I asked,” she answers simply, tone indicating that she was not about to argue with you.

You huff, leaning back into your seat as Ona softly rubs your forearm. Her thumb rubs over the cigar scar there, something that oddly gave you comfort; a gentle reminder of your strength.

“I’m sure she’s got a good explanation, bebé.”

“Yeah…”

Alexia gives Ona an apologetic look, sighing softly to herself as she goes back to typing aggressively.

//

“Ona, wait.”

Alexia called, hand resting on her shoulder as she caught up to her. You were walking with Lucy and Aitana, telling them about Maria’s idea for matching tattoos. Maria pokes in, pulling out her phone to show her design off and argue her case. Ona merely looks up at Alexia, a look of slight disappointment on her face. Alexia can see it, eyes going soft with embarrassment.

“I called Leah to ask her to check, I promise I’m just looking out for her Oni,” Alexia explains herself, walking with Ona towards the bus. Ona sighs.

“I know, it’s just– I can see that it’s really taking a lot out of her to be here. She’s hasn’t exactly been sleeping well. I found her sitting in the living room watching film two nights ago at 3 in the morning. She had the tv on but she was picking at her scars. The one on her forearm was bleeding because she dug her nails into it and broke the skin.”

“Fuck Oni, I’m sorry. I know it’s still hard for her but she refused to stay home and insisted she was okay.”

“She loves this team too much to be a disappointment. But, I think she needs this to fully have closure. I think it’s what she needs to put this behind her for real.”

Ona steps onto the bus, Alexia following behind her with a soft nod. Ona sees you tucked in the back by yourself, smiling as she walked over to you.

“Is that seat taken?”

“Oh yes, it’s for my beautiful girlfriend. I’m sorry.”

“I see, what is she like?”

“She’s really pretty and she’s the cutest. She lets me have an extra cookie after dinner and loves me for who I am,” you tell her proudly, a soft blush creeping up her cheeks. You hold your hand out to her and pull her into the seat next to you, grinning happily.

“Hello pretty girl.”

“You’re so silly.”

“You’re welcome.”

//

The ride into London was better than you thought it would be. You and Ona talked about all the places you both knew, you pointing out more places that she didn’t know about and that you promised to take her to one day.

At the hotel you’re a little jumpy, you held onto Ona’s hand a little tighter than usual but she didn’t mind. Alexia made sure that you were roomed with Ona too, Alexia’s room was right next door. You did not sleep again that night, drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time. Ona felt her heart shatter, feeling helpless at not knowing how to help you. You did fall asleep for about twenty minutes, waking up suddenly after you had a nightmare. You yelled, heart racing in your chest. It scares Ona awake too, she pulls you into her arms to soothe you quickly. You’re sobbing into her chest, hands tugging on your shirt she’s wearing.

“Shh, bebé. It’s okay.”

“I don’t think I can do this, Ona.”

“I know bebita, we don’t have to. But, you said that it would be good for you. You need to overcome it cariño, you can’t run forever.” It pained her to say it but she knew that it was what you needed to hear. You nodded into her chest, your sobbing slowly subsiding. She pulled you into her chest more, laying down slowly. You were basically on top of her, her hands softly carding through your hair. She began to silently cry too, her heart breaking yet again as she felt the pain her lover was going through. It killed her to see you scared like this, a feeling she wanted to badly to take away from you.

She knew that love and patience was all she could give you and she was going to do her best to make sure you felt it.

//

“Y/N!”

“Leah!”

You both ran up to one another for a big hug. You picked her up and spun her, wrapping your arms around her tighter. You’d last seen her at the World Cup (a/n let us all pretend that our beloved captain was there), going through the loss together.

You talked and talked, soon half the Arsenal girls were chatting with the Barça girls before heading in to change and warm up.

“Been a while since I’ve played against you, Lee. You ready to lose?”

She shoves you playfully, chuckling when you lose your balance.

“You wish, L/N. May the best team win.”

“I love you, Leah.” You quietly tell her, pulling her into one last hug. “You’re the reason I’m still here today.”

“You’re basically my sister, I love you too. I’m so glad you didn’t have boots that day.”

//

The final whistle blew, Barcelona proving to be the better team on the pitch, winning three nil with you scoring two of those goals. Leah looked a little defeated but smiled proudly when you asked for a jersey swap. She happily pulled yours on, you doing the same as you called over a photographer to snap a picture. She pulled you into the tunnel with her, explaining that she had a surprise for you.

“I swear Leah, if you pull some bullshit prank on me like you used to do when we were children I’ll call your mother.”

“Call me for what, dear?”

You turned the corner and there stood Leah’s family. You were shellshocked, stood frozen as you stared at her mother.

“Come give me a hug, you naughty girl; you never call!” Amanda quips as you literally launch yourself into her arms. She laughs and rubs your back soothingly, tears pricking in your eyes as she whispers how much she’s missed you. You pull away and she holds your face in her hands, wiping away your tears. You smile and turn to her grandmother, giving her another big hug. Her father and brother do the same, praising you for your two goals. You fall into easy conversation with them, as if time hadn’t even passed. Ona found you in the tunnel as she was walking back to the changing room, sheepishly standing to the side as she waited for you to finish your conversations. You saw her, smiling widely and holding your hand out for her to take. She shyly does, immediately introducing herself to Leah’s family.

“She’s beautiful, Y/N/N.”

“I know, she’s been so good to me. I don’t know if I could have even come here this week if it weren’t for her and the team.”

“You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you sweetheart, that makes me so happy.”

“All thanks to you, Amanda. I only have you to thank for that.” You pull her in for another hug, smiling softly as you excuse yourself to change and take showers. Amanda invites you over for tea, Leah promising to pick you up from the hotel at 4.

“Bring Ona with you, darling!” Amanda adds, a dark blush creeping up your face as you nod back at her.

Walking back to the changing rooms, Ona pulls you into her arms just before you open the door. Your hands snake around her waist, pulling her closer as you face tucks into her neck. You take a deep breath, the unique scent of Ona fills your senses. It grounds you, makes you feel at home. She kisses your cheek, hands cradling your head softly.

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, my love. I’m proud of you too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

You press your lips to hers, feeling her melt into your arms. Your lips move in sync, trapping you both in a bubble of your own. Her hands hold your face as she kisses you, your hands pulling her closer by the waist. She pulls away first, smiling at you.

“We can still cuddle in bed for a bit before Leah picks us up for tea if we leave now. We can shower in the hotel.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

//

Ona certainly couldn’t keep her hands to herself the whole ride back to the hotel as she pulled your hands into her lap and dragged them over her thighs to get you to touch her. You were sat in the back of the bus away from everyone, the girls mostly sitting closer to the front to celebrate the win. You sat back into the seat, pulling Ona between your legs. Your hands snaked down her aching thighs, roughly kneading them in your palms. She whimpered softly, snuggling back into your chest as she closed her eyes and enjoyed your touch. Your fingers ghosted over her core, pressing teasingly around it as she whined softly. You kept your touches light and slow, soon Ona was squirming in your hold just as the bus came to a stop. She huffed, making you laugh as she urged you to hurry and grab your things. She sprinted to the room, leaving you to trail behind her. Maria catches up with you, slinging her arm around your shoulders.

“We’re going to a bar nearby for drinks tonight, hermana. Think you and your girl are up for a little celebration?”

“We’ve got plans, Maria. Tea at Leah’s house.”

“Sí, I understand. Try not to be too loud, okay?” she runs off after Ingrid, their room only a couple doors down from yours.

“María León!”

“Love you too, hermana!”

You shake your head and get to your room, seeing the door left ajar. You can hear the shower running, you check the time and smile. It’s just past 2, you had plenty of time before Leah got here.

Stripped and hair pulled out of its ponytail, you gently pull open the shower door and step in. Ona turns slowly, smiling wide when she sees you. You reach for her and kiss her, getting yourself wet under the hot shower. She moans into the kiss, hands grabbing your face to kiss you even deeper. You pick her up and press her to the wall, knee resting against her core as she grinds herself down gently. You rest your forehead on hers, feeling her warm breath as she whines softly. You kiss her neck hard, her hand pulling at your hair gently. You slowly put her down, hands caressing her soft skin while your lips begin to mark her neck.

“No marks,” she whines “Everyone will see.”

“That’s their problem,” you say, hands turning her around in your arms. Your hands begin to then caress down her sides, sending a shiver up her spine. Long fingers find her pulsating cunt, dragging themselves over her sensitive folds which elicit a long moan from her throat. You grin against her ear, fingers rubbing tight and fast circles over her wet clit. You growl nasty things into her ear, her arms grabbing your wrists as your other hand curls itself around her neck. She’s shuddering, eyes rolling into her head as you begin to push her towards her orgasm. Just as she’s about to release, your hand around her neck tightens and she goes light-headed as she reaches her high. She screams your name loud enough for people in nearby rooms to hear, holding her against your chest as she calmed down from her first orgasm.

Your quick to clean her up, stepping out of the shower with her dried body in your arms. You dump her on the bed, crawling into it to join her. She smiles and bites her lip, kissing back passionately just as your fingers find themselves back between her legs. She opens them up obediently, jaw slacking when your fingers tease her hole. A single digit dips in, teasing her again. She’s relaxed from her first orgasm as your finger slips in easily.

One digit quickly becomes three, pressing up against her g-spot that you know the location of so well. She keens and cries out your name, legs trembling in pleasure as her second orgasm begins to build behind her navel. You pull away just then, causing her head to shoot up and give you a severely annoyed look. You climb off the bed and rummage in your bag, pulling out a strap that you had hidden for emergencies such as these. She can’t even be mad at you for ruining her orgasm anymore, wordlessly scooting herself to kneel at the edge of the bed in your favorite position. You pull the harness on and look up to see her sat where you wanted her, smiling proudly at your incredibly obedient girlfriend.

You drag the tip of your cock over her folds a few times as you stand behind her, making her beg for it before it pushes into her hole slowly. She reaches back and grips your hip, steadying herself on the bed properly before giving you the nod to keep going. You hold her waist and begin to fuck her, hips pounding into her cunt with precision and determination. You push her down onto all fours, grabbing her hips and fucking into her deeper. She cries out for you, begging you to speed up your thrusts.

“Such a needy little whore, you are Ona. Do you have no shame?”

“Fuck, you feel so good…”

You plant your leg on the bed, hands pulling her back onto your cock. Your hips speed up and begin to rapidly pound into her, the moans she elicits tell you you’re hitting all the right places. She can barely speak properly, getting cockdrunk already. You chuckle, pulling her body up to press her back against your chest.

“You’re lucky we’re on the 25th floor, no one outside gets to watch you get fucking wrecked. Did you want that babe? Is that why you were being a cheeky slut on the bus? Did you want the team to watch you get fucked? I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“Fuck please, I’m gonna cum!”

“Yeah, you want to cum on my cock don’t you?”

“Yes, yes please!”

Your hand wraps around her neck tightly again as your other begins to tweak at her nipples. She shrieks, cumming hard and squirting all over the bed. You had remembered to lay a towel under her thankfully, still thrusting into her as you chased your own high. You came just as she was beginning to feel overly sensitive, pulling out of her with a shudder.

“I’m pretty sure the whole floor heard that, baby.”

“Oh no.”

//

“Tea was lovely, Amanda. Thank you.”

“Of course darling, you’re always welcome.”

You stepped outside for a bit with a steaming cup of tea, leaving Ona and Leah inside as they chatted with Amanda. It made you smile and your heart happy as you saw Ona get along so well with Amanda. She was the only mother figure you had in your life and she was basically family so it was like bringing your date home.

There’s a rustle in the bushes, you brush it off as a squirrel when suddenly your head hurts and there’s a bag thrown over it. You’re being dragged out the back door like deadweight. A pair of arms hauls you over its shoulder and throws you into the back of a car, speeding on off before anyone notices you’re missing.

“Where did Y/N go?”

“Maybe she went to say hi to Cathy, I thought I saw her tending to her roses.”

Ona stands, an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She suddenly sees the broken glass, rushing out to the patio.

“Y/N!” she yells, checking the garden for any sign of you. Leah rushes out into the road, kicking the door frustratedly when she doesn’t see a car on the road at all.

Ona is sobbing, Amanda holding her as she calls the police. Leah gives her a knowing look which she gives back, thinking exactly the same thing.

“My daughter was just kidnapped. By her own father.”

//

“You thought you could just run away, stupid girl?”

“From you? Yes.”

“Still haven’t learned to not talk back to me, I see. I guess my old methods need some refreshing.”

“You’re a fucking coward.”

Smack. His hand comes across your face hard. Your eyes well with tears, biting your inner lip to try and stop them from falling. You watch as he cuts a fresh cigar, lighting the end till it’s nice and ember hot. You start to shake a little in fear, the adrenaline fight or flight rush crashing down.

“What did I say about talking back to me, you ungrateful shit?”

“You’re a piece of shit excuse of a father.”

His eyes turn red with anger as the end of the cigar burns a new welt on your chest. You scream and writhe, tears you tried so hard to blink away falling down your cheeks in betrayal. He finally pulls the cigar away, laughing maniacally at the sight of you tied up and at his mercy.

���You ran away and played that stupid football when I told you not to. Disobeying me and disrespecting me, you really just needed to listen to me and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“You don’t deserve to be respected you pathetic joke of a man.” you panted out, the pain in your chest becoming an aching throb. He chuckled darkly, pulling out the pocket knife you had seen in your dream the day before. It felt like déjà vu, your mind going back to your time with Ona after you had the nightmare and how she held you close and told you that she loved you. You could only hope she was looking for and that she had noticed, and that you didn’t die before she could find you.

//

“I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight, Ale! I-I left her alone for 10 minutes!”

“It’s okay Ona, we’re going to find her. She’s a strong girl, she’ll be okay, she has to be.”

Ona was still at Leah’s home, having called the five girls who immediately rushed over. Everyone was being interviewed when suddenly the captain on scene got called in for a suspected location. Everyone rushed to the abandoned cabin just 20 minutes from Leah’s house, a witness stating that he had seen a man matching your father’s description in the area a few times before the game today.

At the cabin, the police found a horrifying scene; your father dead on top of you, knife pushed into his heart. You were covered in your own blood more than his, torso and back covered in gashes that were bleeding heavily. An ambulance was rushed to the scene, Ona and the girls having to be held back from running to you before Lucy managed to get an officer to let Ona in as family. She rushed into the ambulance, sobbing loudly as you were barely conscious. She held your hand and caressed your bleeding face, a light gash over your eye (a/n had to add in the badass scar over the eye.)

You managed to squeeze her hand a few times, her head shot up as you were rushed to the hospital.

“I’m here, mi amor. I’m so sorry bebita, I’m sorry.”

“I got him Ona.”

“Yes, I’m so proud of you mi guerrero. He can’t bother you anymore, my brave girl.”

“I love you,” you croak out, crying tears of relief as your nightmares were finally over.

//

“You rest, I’ll set up the couch for you.”

"Gracias, mi amor".

“Anything for you, Cariño.”

You were lying in bed back in Barcelona, a week after being kidnapped and killing your father. You weren’t being convicted, released based on overwhelming evidence of self-defense. Your injuries weren’t that severe; your chest, torso and back covered in over 75 stitches from all the gashes and burns your father gave you. He got through an hour of ‘punishing you’ when you had managed to untie yourself and fight him. He had severely underestimated your strength, your hours in the Barça gym had paid off as you landed blow after blow on his face and abdomen. It was instinctive, your body finally being able to defend itself from the monster that had a hold on you your entire life. You grabbed the knife and shoved it straight into his heart, watching the life just disappear out of him as he fell forward and onto you. Exhaustion caught up just as the police arrived and found you, relief washing over you like a massive cloud.

“Bebé?”

Ona pulled you out of your thoughts, your head shaking as you focused back on her. She smiled softly, opening her arms. You climbed out of bed, walking gingerly towards her.

“Your lounge is ready.”

You laugh and take her hand, walking towards the couch that had all your favorites set up. Pillows and blankets along with snacks were laid out for you. You saw the medical bag on the table, sighing softly as you knew what she needed to do before you could truly relax. She saw the change in your face, gently pulling you this time to sit on the couch. She gently pulls your shirt off, leaning in and kissing the scar on your shoulder. Your bare chest was littered with bandages, some of them a little soaked through with remnant of blood. Ona carefully redressed each one but today she had questions.

She pulled at the old dressing on your chest.

“What’s this one for?”

You look at her and smile a little.

“Being disrespectful.”

She redresses it and kisses it after she’s done. She moves to open the one just above your heart, the new cigar burn,

“This one?”

“Talking back.”

She redresses it and kisses it like before.

One by one she opens and asks, meticulously redressing and finishing with a kiss. You tell her about each one and it gives you closure, relief that the fight is finally over.

As she tapes down the last one, your hand cradle her face and you lean in to kiss her. You didn’t even know you were crying until she wiped them away, pressing your forehead to her own.

“Thank you, I love you and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too. You will never have to know what it’s like without me. You’ll always know what it’s like to love someone and to be loved.”

[tiredmamaissy]

Handle Me

Read Part II

🔞 minors, do not interact 🔞

Characters: Lo’ak Sully (19) x Omatikaya Reader (20)

Warnings: extreme nsfw, 100% smut, dom lo’ak, profanity, slight age gap, rough [brief] oral sex, degradation, rough sex, edging, breeding kink/creampie, slapping/smacking?

Word Count: 3.5

Requested: Yes || No

Author’s Note: highkey  lowkey wanted to make him knot her but ya know :’) can’t overuse it. Sorry for the quick ending, btw. Hope you like this, anon[s]. <3 i also ended up changing the title for this lol

Synopsis: Neteyam is your best friend. His baby brother, Lo’ak, has been hot and bothered for you for some time. You always decline his obvious advances because of the age gap – and the fact that he could never handle you. Until one day, you find yourselves alone in a tent, and he takes you on his own terms.

Intro:

You visit your best friend, Neteyam, in his tent to give him some supplies before he embarks on a hunting trip. Behind him, you see his baby brother, Lo’ak, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking you up and down with a grin on his face. He always looked at you like you were something to devour – something to fuck. Neteyam would always encourage you to give his ‘baby bro’ a chance, but it never interested you. Knowing that he’s ‘hot and bothered’ – as he would call it – for you gives you the ick. He’s simply too young, even if it’s just by a year. In a rush, Neteyam snatches the pouch out of your hands, and gives you a friendly pat on the back before hurrying out of the tent – leaving you and his brother alone.

----

“Oh, princess. I’d never be so quick to leave you.” Lo’ak smirks, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, arms still crossed over his chest.

You take a few brisk steps towards him, ready to get this over with so you can go back to your usual daily activities.

“Lo’ak. How many times do I need to tell you before you get it through this thick head of yours?” You say, poking two digits into his temple. “You’re too young for me.”

“By what? A year? C’mon baby. We’d be so good together.” He laughs with you, grabbing the fingers that poke his temple to brush them to against his lips.

Ripping your hand from his grip, you take a step back and shake your head.

“I’m serious, Lo’ak. If you made me choose between you and your brother...” you grimace at the thought – Neteyam is like your own blood. “...I’d fuck Neteyam over you any day.” You almost gag as the words come out your mouth.

“Besides. You wouldn’t be able handle me.” You turn around to leave the tent.

Lo’ak grabs your arm, pulling you back in to face him.  

“Oh, yeah? How do you know I can’t handle you? You don’t look like much to handle, y/n.” he looks up and down at your tiny frame.

“Because you’re too young. I only go for guys my age or older... much older. Like your daddy older.” You smirk, thinking about the Olo’eyktan fucking you senseless.

Lo’ak didn’t take this well. First, you speak about fucking his brother – right in front of his face. Then, you insult him because he’s a year younger than you. And now, you’re daydreaming about fucking his father?

“Enough.” Lo’ak growls, towering over you.  

You can’t deny it, his growl made your stomach flutter and your heart skip a beat. You can see how much your remarks are driving him over the edge – making him angry. You want to see exactly how far you can push him.

“Or what? Gonna ‘put me in my place’?” you pout, teasing him.

Lo’ak takes a step closer to you, and fists the hair at the back of your head, using it as leverage to pull you on the tips of your toes. Lo’ak smiles – a menacing one at that. It shakes you to your core, to see him so riled up.

“Do you want me to put you in your place?” he drops his smile, leaning down to inch his face closer to yours.

His rough touches make your thighs rub against one another, denying your cunt the pleasure to respond to him. You stare up at him, looking deeply into his dark, yet sultry eyes, searching for his pathetic, little bluff. All you see is his stern, sombre appearance.

You didn’t even notice how strong this boy was. You always looked down at him as Neteyam’s baby brother – feeble and childish, always getting into trouble. But the grip he has on you is so tight you’re afraid he might rip your hair out.

And you fucking love it.

A little part of you wants to take him on. To see if he can really handle you. But a bigger part of you really doubts it – really doubts that he could make you feel good the way an older man could.

You smile innocently, batting your eyes a few times. Titling your chin up to him, you graze your bottom lip against his.

“I’d like to see you try.” You whisper into his mouth.

A sinister smile plasters his face, as he takes this as your consent to obliterate your tiny physique. His grip immediately moves to the base of your queue – earning him a high pitched whine from you. He uses it as leverage to bring you to your knees, pressing your face against the warm, stiff bulge in his loincloth.

“Take it off.” He commands, shoving your face a little closer into his crotch.

You can’t help but scoff at him. Is this what he really thought ‘putting you in your place’ would be like? Dropping you to your knees and demanding a blowjob?

“Did I fucking stutter?” he growls, gripping your queue even tighter and forcing your face against his bulge. “I said. Take. It. Off.”

This warning did a little more for you, making your thighs rub against one another once more. Not to prevent your body from responding to his touch, but to give your throbbing clit the attention it’s begging for.

“Fuck.” You mutter, hooking your fingers under the band of his loincloth before tugging them down his legs.

Nothing surprised you more than his massive, 13 inch cock slapping against your cheek as it breaks free from it’s restraints. He’s the biggest you’ve ever seen – the biggest you’ve ever had. You stare at it wide-eyed, admiring its blue strips and mushroomy head, beads of precum already oozing from it.

“See? Not so hard to listen, is it?” Lo’ak looks down at you, a grin now on his face, proud to see your bewildered expression.

Still in awe, the only thing that makes its way through your parted lips are light pants, as you stare at the thick, veiny cock in front of your face.

“Is it?!” He shouts, pinching the base of your queue.

“Sst! Shit. Yes.” You yelp out from the shooting pain running through the length of your queue.

“Good. I don’t like repeating myself, little one.” He has a smug look on his face, taking joy in call you little. “Now. Make me feel good.”

As much as you didn’t want to give him the pleasure, there was no denying that this is what your body wanted. Your face was already rubbing against his base of his cock, breathing in the musky scent of his swollen balls.

Lo’ak gives your cheek a light smack before gripping your jaw with his free hand, burrowing his thumb in between your jaw bones – forcing your mouth open.

“What did I just fucking say about repeating myself?” he shouts, using his grip on your queue to move your mouth onto the head of his cock, as if you were a fuck toy.

“I – I’m sorry.” You spit, looking away from him all together.

Another smack. “Say that again. Properly.”

“Fuck.” You pant on his throbbing head, “I’m sorry, Lo’ak!”

“Sir.” He says sternly, letting go of your face to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“I- I’m sorry... sir.” Your voice is shaky from the heat pooling in your cunt.

“There we go.” He chuckles breathily, before dropping his smile once more. “Now, make me feel good.” He growls, using his tip to coat your lips in a layer of his precum.

You look up at him through pinched brows, panting hot breaths onto his oozing cockhead. You see him glowering down at you, already getting pissed off that you’re taking so long to suck him off. You hurry, using your slick coated lips to slide his mushroomy head in easily.  

The corners of your mouth sting when only half of his length goes down your throat – making your eyes pool with tears. You already feel like your jaw is locked into place, that it can’t open anymore to accommodate the sheer thickness of his cock.

Little throaty grunts vibrate against his tip as you try to take more of him – but your attempts prove to be useless, he’s too big.

You hear a deep chuckle above you. “Not so little now, am I?”

He moves his hand from your queue to cup your cheek, caressing your full cheek with his thumb. He briefly pets your head with his free hand before using it to gently cup your other cheek.

“Such pretty eyes.” He admires them, staring down at you. “Keep them on me.” he says sternly.

Before you know it, he’s tightened his grip on your cheeks, using it to forcefully shove his cock all the way down your throat.

“Oh – oh shit. Just like I imagined.” He flings his head back in pleasure.

He quickly moves a hand to pinch your nose shut – cutting off your only source of air. He’s so deep down your throat that you squeeze your eyes shut to focus on not gagging. You feel a sudden, but firm tap on the back of your neck.

“Eyes on me.” He reminds.

You will yourself to look up at him, even though stars are now clouding your vision. A fire sets in your lungs, as they scream for a breath of air. With your airway restricted and his cock buried in your throat, all you can do is gag and slap his thigh, silently asking him to let up.

“Uh, fuck. If you keep gagging, I’ll cum down your throat. Stop.” He groans, tapping the back of your neck again.

The stars in your vision are becoming brighter and brighter – bigger and bigger, nearly clouding your vision completely. Regardless, you continue to look up at him through lidded eyes, tears now streaming down your cheeks.

“Don’t pass out on me now, sweet thing.” He laughs, giving you two, hard taps at the back of your head, waking you up.

You slap his thigh even harder, muffled screams vibrating from your throat against his shaft. He lets go of your nose and pushes you off his cock, hard enough for you land flat on your stomach.

“Fuck. Good girl. As much as I’d love to drown you with my cum...” he kneels on the ground behind you, “I’d rather fill up this tight, little pussy.” He hoists you up on all fours, denying you the chance to even catch your breath properly.

You’re gasping for air, panting heavily as you try to fill your burning lungs.

“W-wait!” you cough, sucking in a breath of air, “Please! Wait – my heat. It is coming soon.” You take another quick breath. “You’ll – you’ll get me pregnant!”

He laughs once more, finding your little pleas amusing. He tugs your soaked loincloth down your legs, exposing your glistening slit.

“Are you sure you’re not in heat now? You’re so fucking wet...” he plays with your wetness a bit, sliding in two digits and scissoring them open.

“All for me?” he yanks his fingers out of you, and gives your cunt a smack, stinging your clit. “Should’ve thought about that all those times you rejected me...” he rubs his cockhead against your quivering hole. “...talking back like a little bitch.”

“P-please... sir. Please. Don’t cum in me.” You beg weakly, feeling his tip stretch you out slowly.

“Ah. She learns manners.” He smiles to himself, pinning your face flat on the ground. “A bit too late for that, though. Don’t you think, sweetheart?” he asks innocently, “You’ll be begging for it soon enough.” he slams his entire length inside of your cunt in one quick, hard thrust.

You whine loudly, feeling every inch of him stretch you out to lengths you’ve never been stretched before. He really wasn’t the little, baby brother you thought he was. He was much, much bigger.

And he feels so fucking good.

He stays there for some time, holding his position deep inside your cunt – swollen balls pressing firmly against your stinging clit.

“Shit. So fucking tight... You feel that?” he asks, manhandling your hips as he uses them to push even deeper into you. “Feel every inch of this big fucking cock? This cock you’ve been denying yourself to pleasure to fuck, all because of what?”

You don’t answer – you couldn’t answer. You were too busy trying to adjust to his size that you couldn’t even form a proper thought.

“Hmm? because of what?” he pulls out of you, slamming his entire length back into you once more. “Because of what?!” he starts pounding relentlessly into you, unhappy that he had to repeat himself once more.

“Oh! I’m sorry, sir! Ugh – Please.” You beg, not sure what even for.

He withdraws from you suddenly, leaving your gaping hole empty and yearning for more of him. He crouches over you, mouth pressing against your ear as he uses his cockhead to rub your sore clit.

“Because. Of. What?” he whispers, slapping your clit with his cock.

“Because – because I thought you couldn’t handle me! Fuck. Please Lo’ak – I mean sir! Please fuck me!” you beg, shifting your pelvis so his cock lines up with your hole.

“That’s right.” He stuffs his cock inside you once more, setting a merciless, pitiless rhythm right off the bat. “Now, it seems like you’re the one that can’t handle me.”

All you can hear are the loud, squelching sounds his cock is fucking out of your pussy, and the slapping of his firm balls against your clit. It feels heavenly, as the heat pools deep in your pelvis. Your cunt clenches around his cock – ready to cum all over it.

“Yes! R-right there!” you scream, taking every hard thrust he gives you.

The knots in your stomach unravel quickly, sending your cunt into a frenzy – pulsating all over his cock as you near your climax. He pulls out of you, denying your orgasm.

“You think you can just cum without asking me?” he growls, giving you a hard smack on the ass.

“I’m sorry, sir!” you jolt from his rough touch, desperate for your orgasm.

He wastes no time and slides his entire length back inside of you, his mushroomy head brushing right against your g-spot.

“Oh, shit.” You mutter under your breath, biting back your moans to deny him the pleasure of knowing he’s making you feel good.

“Yeah? It’s right here, isn’t it?” he asks, thrusting right into your sweet spot once more.

“Ugh! Fuck – n-no!” you lie, hating the fact he’s making you feel this fucking good.

He gives you a hard, deep thrust. “Don’t fucking lie to me.”

A desperate, filthy noise escapes your throat, only confirming his suspicions. He laughs to himself, pounding into your little, sopping cunt, forcing out all the little whines and whimpers you’ve been trying to hold back from him.

“Moan for me, you needy little thing.” He demands.

His thrusts become insistent, demanding you moan for him – demanding you cum for him. They’re too much, too deep, too hard – too fast. You try your best to crawl away, scared for your poor, bruised cervix. All for him to just grab you by the tail and yank your back up onto all fours.  

“Stop fighting it. Take me like the good little slut you are.” He pins you down by your head. “Hmm? Thought I couldn’t handle you?” he grinds into you, pushing his pelvis even harder against the fleshiness of your behind.

“Shit! Stop! You’re too fucking deep, please!” you beg, feeling his tip pierce through your cervix.

“Too deep, or too big?” he rocks into you, maintaining his depth.

“Too big! Too big!” you whimper, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks again.

“That’s what I like to hear.” He lets loose a breathy chuckle, pounding into you once more.

Your sweet spot swells from his relentless thrusts, begging for release. He feels your cunt warm up, clenching around his cock. You try hold it, even though you want to cum so bad.

“Ask me.” He states, head dipping forward from how good your pussy feels around him.

“Please...” you moan softly.

“Please... what?” he slows his thrusts down, threatening to edge you once more.

“Let me cum... please!” you let out a sweet little cry.

“Aww, my sweetheart. Ask me to breed you, then you can cum. Okay?” he says gently, picking back up the pace.

“No – no... please.” you plead with him, on the verge of cumming.

Lo’ak clicks his tongue and pulls out of you – frustrated because he was close, too. He looks down at the sight of you squirming around beneath him, your body trying its hardest to search for the cock that was just impaling it.

“Such a pity. Let’s try this again.” he taps your thigh, signalling you to get back into position.

Positioning your self on your weak, shaky knees once more, you swoop your hand underneath you to take two fingers and spread your pussy lips for him. You can’t believe that your body is submitting to him, of all people.

“Look at you... begging me to fuck you.” he smiles to himself, positioning his tip at your entrance.

He doesn’t move, though. He lingers there, allowing just the tip to poke at your entrance. He wants you to work for it, so he can relish in the fact that you’re now the one begging to be fucked.

And you knew it.

“Fuck. Lo’ak.” You huff, frustrated that he’s practically pushing this in your face.

“Whenever you’re ready, princess.” He grins, giving you a pass for saying his name.

He watches as your cunt swallows his cock, inch by inch, all the way until the softness of your bottom presses against his pelvis once more. You rock into him languidly, feeling too weak to set a steady, and quick rhythm.

It doesn’t feel the same. Your little, tiny mewls that evade your mouth are evidence of it. You needed him to fuck you, to dominate you – to handle you. He could tell, too. But he just allows you to struggle to make yourself cum, waiting patiently for your sweet pleas.

You give up.

“Please. Fuck me, sir.” Your pleas are quiet and come out more as a whimper.

“That’s all you had to say, little one.”

He snakes his hands around your waist, slowly sliding them down to your sore hips, and grips them, tight. He angles his cock downwards, to fuck right into that swollen, abused sweet spot of yours. Teasing you, he lingers again, gentling massaging it with his tip.

It sends you over the edge.

“Good Eywa, just fuck me already!” you scream, pushing back on him.

He lets loose a loud, breathy laugh before sinking his nails into your hips and rutting into you. The sound of smacking flesh and your loud, lengthy moans fill the air, as you push against his thrusts, frantically chasing your orgasm.

He can already feel you heating up around his cock, clenching him tighter – moans becoming breathier.

“You know what you need to say, pretty girl.” His breathy words bounce at every ruthless thrust he gives you.

“’m gonna cum! Can I cum? Please...Ngh – Can I cum?” you beg, squeezing your eyes shut to focus on the growing sensation in your pelvis.

“No.” he growls, smacking your ass, leaving it stinging and red.

You knew that’s not what he wants to hear. Orgasm so near you had no other choice but to accept your fate as a vessel to carry his child. You grit your teeth, giving in to his wishes – giving into him.

Because you’re desperate.

“Fuck. Breed me! Make me into your breeding bitch! Cum inside of me, please!” you scream, unable to bite back your tongue anymore.

“That’s right. Go ahead, cum all over my cock.” His thrusts become more remorseless – deeper and shorter.

“Oh – oh fuck. C-cumming!” you cry out, body uncontrollably convulsing underneath him before going limp.  

He flings his head back, relishing in the feeling of your walls fluttering around his throbbing cock, begging for him release his essence inside of you. Giving you two hard, deep thrusts, he stays inside of you, holding your hips down on his cock as he spurts his thick, warm, ropes of cum deep inside of your womb.

“You took me so well. Sorry – I mean handled me so well.” he praises you, tapping you gently on the thigh.

He pulls out of you, only for your lifeless body to slump on the floor – passed out.

“Oh shit.” He mutters, realizing he may have taken things a bit too far with you.

He hurries to put on his loincloth before cleaning up the mess beneath him.

“What the fuck happened here?” Neteyam’s voice makes Lo’ak jump in his skin.  

Tags:@jakexneytiri @sweethoneycn @deadgirl02 @keijis-wifey @pandorxx @swiftielivvie @teyamfangirl @bl-lover-yaoi @sooebear @vanillawhale @bxnnywriting @athenachu @trashboat-the-raccoon @avaixe @itssiaaax @qweq-6802 @rodeosayu @girlpostingsposts @jakesullysbabygirl @rinloversworld @agelsully @zetey @boooogieman @jiafeimagic @eywascall @yawneneteyam @weirdomcu @pandxrastars @eichenhouseproperty @camgod78 @kibiscribbles @bedofpearls @kurtsworld096 @audrinawf @otukirey @deexdeez @c78r @bby-bo @neteyamsmate4life @wheniseeyouigogonutz @sullymenrhot @jakescumdump @erenjaegerwifee @eywaheardyou @saturnheartz @lovekeeho @afro-hispwriter @lovemyavatar @rainbowsocks @eddiesluvt @etherialblackrose @sleepilysworld @fezandashgirlfriend @kahlowy @babyymeme @lovekeeho

[catboybiologist]

1 month HRT update and journal thingy!

So as I said in my pinned post, I'm gonna be doing a monthly kind of progress check on HRT. Well, it's been 32 days, so here it is! Here's some measurements of interest:

But, I found that the raw measurements, and a single "other column" wasn't sufficient to really catalogue my experience. So I wrote a long, probably overly detailed account of some of the things I've experienced in the past month.

And holy shit, what a month it's been.

So first off, lets start with what’s not happening. Some good, some bad. I think I missed the skin softness gene or something. I’ve really noticed no change in skin texture, and that’s often cited as the first noticeable physical change from HRT. My skin was somewhat soft before, but nothing like the transfemmes I know irl, so this was a bit disappointing. But in all honesty, it’s not that big of a deal.

The other thing that I haven’t noticed yet is a reduced aerobic capacity or physical ability. I’m sure this will come in time, but the interesting thing here is that one of my main physical activities, freediving, is actually a far more direct measurement of aerobic capacity than most others. I can’t do this in nearly a consistent enough way to actually log it, but my casual breath hold times in the couple of times I’ve been freediving since starting HRT haven’t changed. On a fairly standard dive, I usually stay down 60-70 seconds, and that’s still true. With good prep and good air conservation on the bottom (I like to hold onto rocks and kelp, and stay motionless while looking around lol), I can get 90 seconds or beyond (I don’t like pushing it). Part of the problem is that so much of this is variable, and is highly dependent on how good my equipment prep is that day (insulation and weighting), water conditions (cold and rough=more energy=shorter dives), and my boy physiology (how much I’ve eaten, caffeine intake, etc). But in general, I haven’t noticed major physical fitness changes yet. 

Weight gain has been intermittent. I’ve always been a bit swingy on my weight, and can easily go +/- 5lbs in no time at all. At one point, I was 4lbs over my pre-HRT weight (3 week interval), but now I’m down to 1 pound over. My waist is slightly thinner than it was pre-HRT, but that seems to be normal fluctuation. Where did the extra 1-3lbs go? We’ll get to that, LOL.

My waist measurement hasn’t changed, but anecdotally, I do think there’s changes going on there. The 43 inches measurement is still at my widest point, around my thighs (which have always been pretty good). Now, however, I’m noticing what seems to be some growth on areas that aren’t covered by the exact circle I’m using to measure that. My butt seems slightly bigger, although I could just be lying to myself. Time will tell.

Onto the stuff that has changed!

Mood. Oh my god mood. My resting state is no longer a crackling misery. I don’t think I was ever suicidal because of dysphoria alone, but I was certainly pushed to that point far, far easier when it was a contributing factor. I also just… didn’t enjoy anything about my body. When I was happy, it was a distraction. Now, it’s already much better. I still don’t like my body. I got a long way to go. But, I’m seeing progress, and it’s been incredible.

Emotions overall have been more intense. I’ve had a couple of downswings, and I get misty eyed easier. I haven’t had a proper cry yet, though. I get excited about things again, which was a COMPLETELY dead feeling. And I have also gotten angry at some things, which is also something I killed as a teenager because I was scared of where it took me. It hasn’t been as uncontrollable as I expected, however, and the negative emotions I’m experiencing more viscerally have been immensely cathartic. 

            And then, there's the big one. Hopefully that's literal. And that's breast growth. Almost immediately I noticed some kind of perking up, but no breast bud formation and no immediate growth. At about week 2, I was able to feel the distinct disks of breasts buds under my nipples, and my bust size started increasing. Now, at 4.5 weeks in, my bust size is 1.5 inches larger than it was pre-HRT.

           This is ludicrously fast. As in, so fast it has me questioning if I'm actually intersex or something. I think my E levels will be enlightening.

I really, REALLY don’t want to get too hopeful. But overall, if some of these trends continue… I’m gonna get a LOT curvier. Honestly, my ideal body would be pretty tight and trim… but I’m fucking estatic anyways. I’m just really, really hoping that the breast growth trend continues, and also that the tiny observations I’ve made about a bigger butt and thinner waist are actually real. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to boymode like this LMAO.

There’s also the opposite fear: if my estrogen levels are too high, it could signal the end of “puberty” too early. It’s looking like a possibility, but I gotta wait until next week for my levels check.

There’s one final set of observations I wanna put here, but y’all gotta not be weird about it LOL. I WILL block you and erase this part if you treat this as anything more than impartial observations about myself. Got it? Good. NSFW warning for the next bit.

I want to make some remarks on libido and erogenous sensitivity in general, because that has also been one of the most notable changes.

First off, I heard so many stories about HRT killing libido. Holy fuck, this has not been true for me. I’m going crazy sometimes LOL. I absolutely have a somewhat higher libido on average, but its already changed the way its expressed itself.

First off, my entire body is more sensitive to erogenous soft touch. The right kind of touch and care on my waist will feel very similar to more traditional erogenous zones. I’ve NEVER had this before, and was completely blindsided by it. I’m absolutely fascinated by what neural change caused that, but its really cool even if I don’t know the underlying explanation.

Second off, my libido spikes and hot flashes sometimes. I think this is pretty typical of anyone going under a hormonal change, and tbh I’m not surprised.

Third off is the weirdest one, and something that I’ve asked other transfemmes about, and none have been able to answer. My chest sensitivity seems to be going through very distinct mini-cycles, on the approximate span of time being one full “cycle” per week. Essentially, when I started HRT, my chest first got very sore, itchy, and sensitive to sources of pain and itchiness. It stayed like that for a few days, and then all sensitivity to the area cut out. My nipples pre-HRT were always more sensitive than other cis men, and in this phase, they were actually less sensitive than they were pre HRT. This lasted another couple of days… and then there was a period of massively increased erogenous sensitivity. Soft touches made me wild, and I started wearing  bra not for the support, but to block my shirt from rubbing against them and distracting me. Holy FUCK, this phase is insane. And then after that, they went back to sore again, and then dead again, and then erogenous again. Right now, I’m in the erogenous “phase” of what I think is the fourth cycle here since I started HRT. I have no fucking clue what’s going on. It’s not the period that some trans women report getting, its not a monthly thing. It might just be my body adjusting strangely to new hormones in general, but yeah. Its weird, bc it seems like a pretty unique thing. 

So yeah. That’s a journal thing. I had a LOT more thoughts about HRT starting beyond just the initial measurements, because so much hit me way faster than I thought it would, so I wanted to write something long form. I think I’m going to write something similar each month along with my measurements update, but I expect future writing to be much, much shorter. It’s been incredible so far, but I’m guessing less will be novel- I think things will only be different when I change aspects of my HRT regimen. We’ll see.

[kuroosdarling]

corset

♡‧₊˚ knight!kuroo x princess!reader

♡‧₊˚ wc: 1k

♡‧₊˚ cw: royal AU, rlly suggestive, lots of pining lol

♡‧₊˚ synopsis: tonight was the grand ball where different suitors would try their best to woo you. but you only had eyes for the one you were forbidden to ever be with. maybe a little rebellion never hurt…

a/n: pls this one was so much fun to write lol i always wanted to do a royal au with kuroo!!! it’s a whole universe id like to explore .. >:) pls i hope y’all enjoy this !! i’m hoping to get all the fics out by his bday :) so sry for the spam lol

dear tetsu ♡

“kuroo?” you duck your head out from the door, trying to hide your barely covered torso from view. he quickly turns from his post, shock covering his features before he put on a stone cold mask — one that you were all too familiar seeing. he did this anytime he showed you a fraction of emotion and it was slowly driving you insane. you had to hold back your pout as you continue on. “my handmaidens are unavailable right now, could you—?”

you trail off as you motion towards the room, suddenly a little nervous at your request. it had been your idea all along to have your girls run off for a few hours so you could make your move. even though it was juvenile and completely inappropriate, you wanted to feel the rush of having an intimate moment with the one who truly holds your hearts affection.

“of course, princess.” he offers a small smile but that’s it as he walks into the room. you press the corset against your body, holding it in place so it doesn’t slip off — to both of your disappointment. he shuts the door and takes three long steps to the other side of the room. you follow suit and turn around, letting him have a go at it. “i’ve never done this before.” he admits.

“it’s okay,” you whisper, your voice just above a breath. the corset was hardly on you and yet you feel like it was starting to suffocate you. “just do what feels right.”

he nods to himself, steeling himself for what he’s about to do. if anyone had found out about this, he’d be thrown into the dungeon for who knows how long. but it was worth it. your tantalizing smell drew him in, the perfume he loved so much filled his senses, causing all his thoughts to spiral. he swallows thickly as he comes to the realization that he’s never been so close to you.

his fingers lightly trail down the back of you corset, a feathery, ghostlike touch that you weren’t even sure was real — or if your mind was just playing tricks on you.

his strong hands grab the ties at the bottom, pausing briefly as he gazed at the back of your head, trying to decipher what thoughts were running through it. his voice escapes him so all he can do is tug at the strings, tightening your corset.

his hand steadies you when you wobble at the force of him tightening it. he had never done this before and might’ve been a little too rough with it, but you didn’t seem to mind, only letting out a small squeak of surprise that will sweetly haunt his mind until the end of his days.

part of him wants to do it again to see what other noises he could pull from you, but logic quickly takes over, shoving that thought far down with the other forbidden ones he holds dearly — only for you.

he pushes the top half of you down just a little, to get a better angle, he tells himself. not because he wants to see like what you would look like sprawled out under him, bent over the bed that he’d never be able to lie in. the one meant for you and your future husband.

he roughly tightens the string at the thought, getting softer with his touch each section before he slowly makes his way back down to the ties hanging off of you, tying them in a small bow. it takes everything in him not to spin you by your waist and pull you in for a kiss that would leave the both of you breathless — one that would change the course of fate itself.

all the air was sucked out of the room, and it wasn’t because of the corset pressing down against your ribcage. he was intoxicating and it took every morsel of self-control to not turn around and start something you’d never wish to finish.

“it’s done.” he whispers, not even daring to trust his own voice. you straighten up and slowly turn.

“how do i look?” you ask, the words barely coming out of your mouth. he looks down at you, something filling his eyes that you can’t allow yourself to decipher. he slowly leans down into your space so his breath fans against your face as he speaks.

“you look absolutely divine, my princess.” he says, the smallest smirk dancing along his lips as his cheeks liven up in a pink hue. “i wouldn’t be surprised if your beauty stole every heart at the ball tonight.”

“even yours?” you ask before you had a chance to think it through. the question catches you both off guard, and you’re scared he’ll take off and leave you standing like a fool. or worse — laugh right in your face.

“you’ve had mine long before you put on this corset.” he smiles, something more sincere that fills your heart with hope. his hand reaches up as if he wants to touch the corset, run his hands along it and follow the curvature of your waist. but he snaps it back down at his side like he had just got badly singed.

your eyes follow his movements and before you can really think it through, you play your next move. your lips have a mind of their own as you lean up closer to him, ready to plant themselves on his in a union that had waited far too long to commence.

his eyes flutter shut right after yours as the space between you grows smaller and smaller. you could almost taste the sweet, smokey scent that radiates off him. the ghost of his lips almost meeting yours before cruel fate gets it’s last laugh.

three knocks on the door pull you further away from each other, your widened eyes mirroring his own as your thoughts catch up to your actions. were you really about to risk it all for him? and why did you feel so okay with that fact? he takes a step back and clears his throat.

he knows what he had to do. he knows he needs to march over to the door and walk away from this. but he can’t move, his feet betray him as his eyes give away his true feelings. lust and something softer pools in the hues of his hazel eyes, darkening the longer he looks at you.

you’re too scared to breathe, too scared to move — to do anything that would burst this bubble. all you could do was stare back at him as the person at the door starts to pound against it.

[portgasmalia]

taking what's mine, rafe cameron second part to 'daddy's favourite' pairing: rafe cameron x female reader summary: after leaving him in the library without satisfaction, rafe takes revenge at the midsummers, but goes further than wanted. malia's notes: please, i can't with myself. currently writing so many parts for this one drabble i did because it got so many notes. send me to hell for having rafe 24/7 in my head... even during sex? lol I'm so proud of it, and I'm definitely making this a damn series, cause I'm obsessed lol.

azure material wrapped your body in an extra layer of protection. yet, the long slit on the left side of the bottom long gown ended in the middle of your thighs. revealing enough skin to gain the attention of a suited company who wouldn’t ruin the reputation of your family. after the cameron’s strutted in, heads held high and waving from left to right, you and your parents walked into the venue. a little midsummers ritual since the two most influential man had to be praised like gods.

eyes directed at the choice of outfits, the satin material of your mothers dress and rose’s lady liberty inspired head piece. people whispered to each-other, their grimaces hidden behind the glasses and the truthful opinions drowned by the alcoholic liquid. “you look beautiful, like fucking beautiful.” rafe appeared beside you, hands deeply in the pockets of his suit trousers. instead of feeling grateful for the loving compliment, you snorted.

receiving such nice words from rafe had a double meaning. While most girls with gosh about the appearance of the blonde, and almost backed him to drag them away to the bathroom, you had a better self control than the kooks around. the gazes of multiple, curious people already lingered on the two of you. being part of figure eight meant to either work off the ass to bring home a steady income or laying around in the sun, occupying themselves with talking trash and spreading rumors.

turning the head to face the male who didn’t move a step, your eyes raked over the well-dressed figure. engulfed in a certain light shade of baby blue, the fabric mirrored the cloudless sky on a sunny day. sadly for you, the color matched the ring around his pupils perfectly. simply said, rafe cameron looked extremely attractive in the suit, which rose probably picked out for him after thousands of protests.

bottom lip caught in the tight grasp of your teeth, you could not stop your eyes from taking him in. instead of releasing a sly comment about you being obsessed with him, rafe chuckled and took a step back to allow you a better, overall sight of his appearance. “shit, you really went all out for tonight.” it was a compliment wrapped in amusement that escaped your mouth.

for a moment, you forgot about the possessiveness rafe has shown in the past weeks. after the multiple meeting in the library, and the sharing of loving or rough touches, he almost called you, his. but it was far from what you wanted to be. nothing about the cameron’s seemed right, but you could not figure out the wrongs yet. still, after declining his offer of becoming his girlfriend, he started to up his game in trying to seduce you.

the ideas popped up in his head randomly, and tonight, after seeing how tightly the fabric of your dress wrapped around your curves, he would take it a step further. he had to after listening to the comments of the boys around him. filthy words about your body, your status and their fantasies while nobody knew that half of their dreams were already fulfilled by rafe.

while he disappeared when topper and kelce shouted his name repeatedly, you found your way towards the bar and ordered a strong drink. there was no chance that you would get through this awful event without at least a sip of alcohol. but after the third glass was drowned too quickly and the fourth already stood on the counter, a large hand appeared and grabbed the glass, you paid for.

“woah stop. i paid that, that’s mine.” you wildly gestured through the air with one hand, not glancing around the see the thief. the effort of turning quickly, and the sudden spinning, would cause dizziness. you wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of the residents of figure eight.

a heavy-breathing chest pressed against your back, tightly and not leaving any space between. the hand on the counter retreated, lifting the glass to the dry lips and pouring a sip into the mouth to taste the liquid. “mhm.” a low hum of approval rumbled in his chest, the vibrations traveling straight down your spine.

the warm breath of the male fanned over your exposed neck as he lowered his head. “wouldn’t have taken you for a bourbon woman.” the voice got raspier through the amount of alcohol he drank throughout the evening, yet, it was the most familiar melody you’ve ever heard.

“surprises everywhere, rafe.” you leaned your head back, your loose curls scattering across the pale blue fabric of his suit jacket. this small contact between the two of you was enough to cause a drama if your father would see the interaction. fortunately, he was deeply in a conversation with ward cameron. probably, another business plan or attempting to create a bond between the influential families. hell, the connection already existed before they even found a solution for both their sakes.

“you know, it’s pretty unfair.” rafe muttered against your skin, his chewed-up lips pressing soft but quick kisses around your neck. little moments of affection, but still his teasing manners. “what do you mean?” you furrowed the brows, confusion twisting your gentle features.

“i’ve been standing over there, the entire time. having a good up-and-down talk with my mates when my eyes find you, again. standing at the bar, tapping your heel against the tiles, stretching and moving from left to right.” his words were barely a whispered confession as you felt the gentle touch of his fingers graze down your rips towards your waist.

“and?” the confusion clouded your mind, his explanations of unfairness made no sense to you. letting his hand wander, you wanted to prevent being seen by your father. but escaping rafe’s skilled fingers and precise touches happened to be more difficult. “you moved to the left, and stretched out your leg. the little slit on your lovely dress slipped slightly to the side and revealed those beautiful scarlet red, lace panties underneath.”

pupils grew as he continued to confess what he was able to witness from the other side of the room. as observant as he was, it gave him a clear advantage in most situations. mainly because no one else seemed to notice how much she exposed of her body without realizing it. attempting to pull down the fabric further and cover more of your thigh, rafe acted quicker and swatted your hand away. “don’t think about it, babygirl.”

the thin fabric between his rough fingertips, he hiked the dress further up until a little bit of cherry red lace was seen. “stop, what the hell?” you wiggled yourself out of his comforting hug, and immediately pulled the material down again. “we’re in fucking public, rafe. if my father sees us..”

“let him.” rafe shrugged, taking a step back and letting his hands disappear in the pockets of his suit pants again. “i don’t fucking care anymore.”

“god damn it, rafe. stop being foolish.” you snapped, snatching the bourbon glass out of his hand and stomping towards the house. most guests gathered in the gardens, enjoying heywards food and the last warmth of the sun before the midnight blue hid it.

pushing past the groups of people, you felt the need to sulk in loneliness for a moment. it wasn’t easy to deny rafe a love he desired so badly. after all, he needed one call to pick you up, spend time with you, share a midnight conversation or use his fingers to fuck out your brain. a simple thank you wasn’t enough for what he has done, but you didn’t trust him enough to engulf in a relationship.

too many lies. too much coke. enough problems.

your feet carried you to the dressing rooms down the corridor where the jackets of the guests were stuffed away in wardrobes. running the palm softly across your face, you felt the alcohol in your blood. leaning against the wall beside you, shivers spread across the exposed skin of your shoulder blades. the coldness of the stones a complete difference from the warmth of your figure.

“oh dear, you should take a seat.” rafe’s voice echoed through the empty corridor, ringing in your ears. “are you following me? really?”

“just looking after what’s mine. can’t have any of the other lads touch you with their dirty fingers.” rafe shrugged again, simply stating the thoughts on his mind. once, you were out of sight, the blonde panicked and feared for your safety. not every young adult kook had a plan of being nice, and rafe knew it exactly. „i’m not yours.“

he chuckled, a deep and dark sound erupting from his chest. „that’s where you’re wrong babygirl. you’re mine, and mine only.“ strolling towards you, rafe found his spot in front of your slightly drunk figure, taking in the mesmerizing picture. he couldn’t count how many parties of his you visited, and how many times you declined the alcohol after having one drink. you never accepted substances, you‘ve always somehow been the good girl.

yet, you were about to get shit-faced, while the kooks around, laughed, and danced. rafe placed his hand above your head, mirroring the position from the library a week ago. it’s been a long seven days, without his touch or the indescribable compliments. while you waited for him and the revenge plans he plotted, he never came around until today.

leaning in closer, his warm breath fanned across the top of your nose. disparate kinds of whiskey lingered in the air, he probably had a couple of glasses with topper and kelce. at least the little white powder didn't stuck to the outsides of his nostrils like couple of times before, when he quickly wiped it off with the pad of his thumb. "so," he muttered, dipping his head lower to receive access to your collarbones and side of the throat. featherlight kisses blown against your smooth skin, the effects of his small, genuine gestures already created shivers along your spine. "i'm claiming what's mine."

hands traveled across her figure, carefully bunching up the expensive dress around her waist. he would hate to destroy the material that clung perfectly to your body, hugging your curves tightly. "rafe, what are you doing.." you questioned his actions, the sudden change in kisses and how his teeth dug into your soft flesh underneath.

"told you, claiming what's mine." fleshy fingers pushed the lacey fabric of your panties aside, the rough tips stroking carefully through the lips of your pussy. wetness pooled between your thighs, and rafe greeted the warmth with a smug smirk. "are you insane? anybody could walk in!" you protested, trying to wiggle out of his grip once more but this time, he used much more of his strength to keep you in place. this time, you would not run away from him and his intentions.

"ditching me in the middle of the midsummers? that's one thing. but leaving me with a fucking boner in the library, having to take care of myself after i pushed those beautiful, little whimpers out of you? that's another and I'm taking my reward for good work." without another second of hesitation, two fingers pressed against your entrance. slowly pushing inside, and stretching your walls in preparation. a satisfied moan slipped out of your mouth, followed by a deep groan from rafe.

the sounds you made, whimpers and moans, always made him mad crazy for you. even more, than he has been before. "rafe, stop. if my dad sees -"

"i don't give a fuck about what your dad sees, or what he thinks. you understand that, baby girl? if i have to, i'm going to show him who you truly belong to." the words were punctuated with the thrusts of his long fingers, pushed in deeply and curling to reach the little spot, he knew you loved. your lips were sealed shut, pressed together in a thin line and yet, the moans slipped through like your mouth was widely open. "looks like you've waited for me the entire night."

as quick as his fingers disappeared inside of your pussy and spread your wetness over your clit and lips, they were gone. swirled around, the side of the face pressed against the wall and the dress still bunched around the waist, you couldn't see entirely what he was doing. overstepping the boundaries you set or just wanting to pleasure you in a completely new position because the alcohol twisted his mind.

the scarlet red panties further pulled to the side, the string rested on your left ass cheek. the tip of his tongue darted out, licking over his chewed-up bottom lip at the sight. delicious in any kind of way. awaiting patiently his fingers to be pushed deep inside your pulsating walls again, the rustling of a belt being opened, and hitting the tiles on the floor caused a feeling of fear. “rafe, what do you think your doing?” you stammered together nervously, trying to push yourself off the wall to examine what kind of madness he intended to do. but rafe beat you to it. his weight pressed tightly against you, squeezing your body between the warmth radiating of his tall figure and the shuddering cold of the wall.

your question dissolved when his hard dick pressed against your exposed ass. the bead of pre cum smeared across your smooth skin when he leaned down once more. face nuzzled in your neck and the wild mess of hair, he chuckled. a deep sound, almost dark and filled with pure evilness. “oh my ducking god. rafe, stop it!” you fought against his grip, wiggling your body from left to right. an attempt to escape his plans, but it didn’t work at all.

“keep pressing your fucking ass against my dick. it will only convince me more that i should take what’s mine.” he muttered into the mess off your hair. a hand wandered down your body, across the curve of your back until rafe reached his destination. beads of pre cum spread across your ass, the small reminders glistened in the dim yellow light. a sight, he was utterly pleased about.

“rafe, no. please.” you whined, pleaded with him to stop the madness. everything you instructed him not to do, was about to be broken. a low growl rolled off the tongue when his long fingers wrapped around his painfully hard shaft. crouching down a little as he was towering above you the entire time, you felt his tip graze over your pussy, covering himself in the wetness pooled between your thighs. “just taking what’s mine. as i should have done long ago.”

you heard the chuckle, the devilish sound coming from rafe’s mouth as he pushed the tip in. manicured nails scratched at the wallpaper, your eyelids fluttered close at the sudden sensation. trapped in a haze, between pain and deep pleasure, a strangled moan escaped your mouth. rafe’s narrowed eyes watched how his shaft slowly disappeared in your pussy, welcomed by the warmth and the strong pulsating of your stretched out walls. a feeling, a situation, he thought about in any possible scenario. made out scenes, came up with ideas but the one right now, it was pure spontaneity.

“see, princess. your body ached for me.” his hand wandered across your ass, rough fingertips caressing over the smooth skin before finding a rest at your waist. in this moment, the very gentleness he treated you with vanished under the hooded gaze. your walls clenched around him, needing and wanting more as your body betrayed your mind. “don’t worry baby. i’ll fuck you good.”

underarm laid out across your ass, the left hand on the right waist, rafe slowly withdraw his hips. the reddened tip was the last part of him that stayed in your pussy, until he decided to thrust into you again. rough and deep, from the very first second. “holy shit, you’re so fucking tight, babe. am i your first?” rafe got lost in the feeling. your walls gripping him tightly, screaming for more, and the pleasure-twisted expression on your face. like his addiction started growing further.

teeth dragged along the smooth column of your neck, calloused palms pressed into the curves of your waist. “yes.” you forced yourself to not decline the question that lingered in the air. for any possible person, the answer seemed like a genuine statement, the truth unfolding while roughly examining half of your face. but rafe’s mind worked in another pace, and around the usual. he felt the hammering jolts of your pulse, the intensity of your thudding heart increase and the way, your walls attempted to keep him deeply inside.

“holy shit, rafe.” his name slipped out of your dried mouth like a perfectly sung melody, decorated with a little crack in the end. intrigued by the thought of being seen by a possibly influential kook, his harsh thrusts complimented the moments of an almost-bliss. the chance of being close was denied multiple times by you. “say my name. i wanna hear you scream it, princess.” rafe’s voice a rough mutter, coaxing out the words out of his dried mouth as he particularly focused on how perfectly he fit into your drenched pussy. it was close to a heaven-like moment, just like he predicated to his mates earlier.

the two males who stood at the staircase, waving away the people who tried to trespass while rafe busied himself with your body. a statement he made to topper and kelce before leaving abruptly to hunt after you. tonight, your games were certainly over. forcing you into the first time wouldn’t be a very gentle movement, but you would come around for more, beg and plead to feel rafe inside of you again. the exact days he aimed for.

the thrusts became relentless quickly, after testing the waters and your reactions, rafe certainly dropped the act of gentle and soft. calloused pads dug into the azure material, leaving marks through the thin fabric around your hip bones. the palm of your delicate hands smashed against the wall, frustrated about the situation and close to an orgasm washing over you. hidden in a bliss-filled haze, you still attempted to free yourself before being forced to carry rafe inside of you for the rest of the night.

but in every single step, you decided to take, the determined kook beat you to it. pushing off the wall, ended up in your back painfully arched, and your ass further in his direction. the large palm of his placed over the back of your hand, holding you against the wall and leaving no way to escape. "princess, enjoy it as long as it lasts. you will crave me after."

roughly, muttered promises, he had experience with. times, way before your father decided to move to the island, and create another successful business. they begged him, and the image of you, on your knees for him, pleading for release or at least a touch, it made rafe feral. possessive. greedy for more. "come on, princess. let yourself go a little."

the hand on your waist wandered over your back, and around your left hip to reach between your legs. wetness spread across your pussy, flooding down the insides of your thighs. pleased by what his rough tips felt, rafe chuckled. "so fucking hot." emphasizing his words with the hard press of his pads against your bundle of nerves, a loud gasp mixed with a needy moan escaped your mouth. a sound, you could not prevent any longer as your body completely betrayed your mind.

"good girl." he growled, starting to rub irregular circles over your clit while the pace and strength of the pounding stayed rough. by the way, his breaths became hasty, and with the almost inaudible groans that spilled out, he showed how close he was to painting your walls. "come on, princess. cum for me, squeeze my dick."

as the times before, words worked like a deadly spell on you. the unwanted tingling spread, his tip brushing against the soft spot regularly, and the moans were accompanied by filthy whimpers. you were embarrassed, completely disgraced by what was happening but the feeling was intensely good. walls clenched tightly around him, your orgasm washed over you before gaining a clear thought. rafe and his experience the only thing on your mind left.

"shit, rafe," escaped your mouth, nails scratched on the wallpaper. you spasmed from the intensity of the orgasm, head falling forward as his name was spoken like little, thankful prayers. the exhaustion and the sore feeling settled in rather quickly afterward, the aftermath of his roughness.

squeezed tightly by your pulsating walls, the way, your sweet voice praised him and repeated his name, triggered his orgasm. one, two, deep thrusts were enough, pushing his hips against your ass, the fingers which stroke over your pussy, pressed against the little bundle of nerves again. harshly but not strong enough to hurt you, as he painted your insides with white, hot spurts.

face placed in between your shoulder blades, rafe wanted to stay forever in this place. cuddled up with your body, feeling the warmth radiate from your figure after such an intensive experience. yet, he knew, he could not as the midsummers were still in full swing downstairs. slowly leaning back, he pulled out, and you winced at the loss of contact.

lacey pants hooked underneath one of his fleshy digits, he placed them back between your cheeks without cleaning the mess he made. "walking around the entire night, while I'm dripping down your legs." the male chuckled, crouching down to pick up the baby blue suit pants and pull them back up. closing his belt to keep them in place, his hooded gaze watched how you carefully pulled the expensive fabric of the gown down again, smoothing wrinkles with the delicate palms of your head.

you turned away from the smugness that covered his face, the mischief twisted in his features, and walked towards the staircase. the mess of strands placed over your left shoulder and collarbone, hiding the reminders in a mixture of blue and purple that rafe left along the side of your throat. one glance at them, and your father would instantly find the attacker, and find a reasonable argument to have them disowned by their family. "don't be like that, princess."

the sole of the polished, brown leather shoes boomed against the floor, the sounds coming closer with each step hurried after the leaving woman. "you've had fun to, i heard that."

amusement placed aside, you did not find a second to joke about what has happened. "yeah, great fun, stomping my rules of not being fucked by you, without actually being with you." you hissed over the shoulder, glancing forward instead of backward to the man who followed like a lost puppy.

"well, we can be, if you want." rafe shrugged his shoulders, it was precisely what he wanted after the past midnight meetings. the memories made in the library, or underneath the blanket of golden stars. "i tried to trust you entirely first. what's going on behind the curtains, rafe, that sarah runs away with a pogue, and denies her inheritance and family?"

you stopped the escape from his convincing warmth and turned around once you reached the staircase. one answer, you did not like, you have the greatest way to run away. arms crossed over your chest, rafe's thumb and pointer finger outstretched across his forehead, slowly massaging the temples on each side.

"nothing. she's just being a dumb, little girl. falling in love and shit."

"that's enough of an answer. thank you, i won't be a dumb, little girl then and fall for your tricks further." ashamed by what you have done for the man in front of you, the lies you told your parents about your whereabouts, and the multiple times, you covered for him. all for nothing, or maybe not?

[holdinbacksecrets]

i second hannie soccer player bf au lol! <3

nearly there… here’s college jeonghan part 2. part 3 will finally feature ~soccer and get us one step closer to boyfriend >.< part 1

tw: mentions of blood

jeonghan saved you the seat beside him. it’s not something he’s ever done before; you’re usually early enough to slide into it without a second thought, but today is off. it’s easy for him to tell as you trudge into the lecture hall.

you rub your temple as soon as you’re seated, not realizing he removed his bag from the plastic just before you fell into it.

“rough morning?”

“you could say so.”

“does it have anything to do with our midterm paper?”

“is it kicking your ass too?”

“actually, i wrote it two weeks ago. our soccer schedule is complete marbles over the next couple weeks. it was easier to knock it out early.”

“complete marbles?”

“yeah, like bonkers or crazy. i don’t know, my sister says it, rubbed off on me.”

you smile, feeling fondness bloom. he hasn’t seen your smile since last friday when he noticed you in the stands at his game.

your intrigued hum is the only response he receives as the professor’s greeting quiets the room.

moments before class begins, jeonghan taps the edge of your desk, earning your attention swiftly. “let me know if you need a second pair of eyes.”

your laptop comes to life. its light coats your face and captures specks of amber in your eyes. “i thought you’re about to be busier than marbles?”

jeonghan bites his lip, and you realize how terribly you fumbled his words.

“writing a ten page paper and reading yours once it’s finished are two different things. i’ll text you my email.”

“thank you, jeonghan.”

your sleep deprivation serves as a darker cloud than the ones rolling past the window, pouring rain across your campus, darkening the pavement, and challenging the fountain on the north end as water threatens to spill over and flood a flowerbed.

jeonghan wants to say something else, tell you not to bother because he’ll send you a copy of his own notes, but that would be too much for one day— for one class.

he’s still figuring out what exactly is going on here because he knows about your roommate’s crush on seokmin, but is there another reason why you join her at every home game? is it more than friendly support?

he was hoping to see even the slightest glimpse of excitement from you this morning, whether it matched the handful of royal blue bows worn throughout the hall or be a shirt with your school’s name stitched into its cotton. his number on a jersey you can purchase at the bookstore was the best case scenario, but that would be marbles.

your next class is close to jeonghan’s. now that he’s switched to liberal arts, the two of you are seeing far more of each other.

“have you decided on a major yet?”

“not quite. i was thinking about anthropology, but my roommates gave me shit for that, asked what the hell i would do after graduation.”

“really? i didn’t take you as someone who bends so easily.”

“why’s that?”

your fingers wrap around the straps of your backpack, catching a loose thread on a hanging nail you hadn’t noticed in your morning rush.

“you seem so sure of yourself, so autonomous. our university has two hundred majors in the school of liberal arts, so i can’t say anthropology is without a doubt the right choice for you, but you like it. you like your red hair too right?”

“sure.”

“would you dye it back because your roommate said it looked like someone dipped you in gochujang?”

jeonghan’s lips spread into a smile, and you wonder if there’s a rainbow hanging above his head, if the clouds are parting.

“no, i wouldn’t.”

sunbeam.

“exactly.”

you reach the steps of Snow Hall, and jeonghan nods toward the stone building. “this is me.”

“and that��s me,” you reply smoothly, motioning to the hall covered in vines and moss.

“i’ll see you tonight? unless you plan on locking yourself up in your bedroom to write a midterm.”

“are you crazy? those soccer stands are far too tempting.”

“the soccer stands, huh?”

you smile before feeling a sudden pain from your finger, drawing your attention away from jeonghan. specks of blood appear where your nail had been snagged, and you take a step back.

“mhmm, i have a thing for cold metal. i’ll see you tonight.”

you’re moving away too quickly to catch his goodbye. it’s silenced by the resonant conversations of students walking by.

your finger is covered in blood by the time you make it to your seat. without a bandaid in sight, you have no other choice but to suck it away.

surely jeonghan had a bandaid in his backpack. he probably has an entire first aid kit beneath his books, right beside a few spoons, and extra blue bows in case a certain someone in his environmental ethics class ever needs one.

like a precognition, your phone vibrates: the administration office on the second floor has bandaids and lollipops. i’d stay away from the lollipops, though. pretty sure they expired in 1995.

[clementineofmine]

For the ask game :)

Same Weird Family (the series): 1, 4, 5, & 9

Thanks, @assaily, for the ask! I'm going to answer this based on Same Weird Family, the first in the series because I haven't gotten to talk about that one yet. It's the first fic I wrote (that you know of, lol) so while I now find parts of it a bit rough, it'll always be near and dear to me as it came about due to a visceral need to word vomit about these characters.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I started this fic a few weeks after S2, and like many I was absolutely inspired by the absolute savagery and increasing desperation of Five in that season. From killing the board to rewinding time, Five did so much for his family that season and none of them knew about it. Plus, the season ended in a new timeline, so the "what's going to happen next?" opportunities were almost endless.

I was also deeply inspired by those who took a stab at post S2 before me, including but definitely not limited to NonLinear Theory for Dummies, The Walls Kept Tumbling Down, Creeping Towards Extinction, and Tangled in the Hanging Tree. If you haven't read these and you like my fic, you're going to love these. They are all angsty and excellent.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

I'm gonna call out Allison here, because while she didn't get a lot of focus in this fic, I think she deserves a chance to yell at her brothers more often.

“Well, if we can’t take him to the hospital-” Allison’s words returned them to the practical matters. She looked around as Diego and Luther both shook their heads at her as confirmation. Vanya looked torn but didn’t disagree. Klaus remained focused on Five. “-we’ll have to watch him. We’ll take shifts.” “Oh boy, Five’ll just love that,” Diego scoffed. “He’s unconscious. He’ll deal,” Allison pointed out, closing the discussion. She finished cleaning up Five’s injuries and straightened his clothes. “And if you guys are done with playing pissing contest,“ she gave a pointed look to both Diego and Luther, “you can help me get him upstairs to the bedroom."

5: What part was hardest to write?

Chapters 1-6 and part of 7 came at me fast and furious, but I floundered a bit trying to get through 7 and 8 to the end. I think the writing is a bit awkward and it does make me cringe a bit.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not alternate versions so much as I did a lot of rewriting (I'm a pantser; I try to let my characters speak and sometimes they surprise me)

If you'll permit me to tag onto your ask, I'd also like to answer 3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I spent a lot of time dissecting Five's internal emotions during this fic, trying to make sense of what drives Five - the anger and frustration and desperation that we saw on screen in S2, and beyond. I'm quite proud of some of it. Here's a snip:

“FIVE!” The shout cleaved him violently from his thoughts. Five blinked, confused, and looked up. His mind registered that his name had possibly been said more than once.  Oh, he remembered, almost absently. His siblings were pestering him.  Five sighed. All of the energy that had once fueled his rage was gone, drained away as quickly as it had spiraled up. Anger merely simmered now, rather than burned. He no longer felt dizzy, just…tired. In the clarity of hindsight, Five knew he hadn’t ever really been angry at his siblings. Annoyed, sure. Frustrated. But anger was reserved for the fact that Luther and Diego’s questions dragged things out of the little box, things that snagged and pulled at the cracks and exposed his weakness. For the memory of the light fading out of Klaus’s eyes, reaching for Five but still dead before he hit the ground. For the way that Vanya’s body crumpled like a discarded paper doll. Mostly, Five’s anger was directed at himself. For being played, and not figuring out the only possible end to the Handler’s deal until it was much too late. If he had been thinking clearly. If he only… Stop, Five. There’s no good destination down that road. “Five, we just want to help you” the soft voice said. He still didn’t care to pick out its owner. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t bear to keep listening. His siblings had died because of him. Again. And everything that happened afterwards – his survival, his thoughts, his actions – he could give them everything and still would never be enough to make it up to them. Never. 

fic ask game

[scullymurphy]

I’ve just finished BL/FD and they have moved to the top of my all time favorite fanfics. I am going to immediately reread them because the stories and characters were so rich and so moving. I have felt all the feels while reading these stories.

I never knew how much I needed a Hermione/Lavender BFF love story until you gave it to me! She has now become one of my favorite characters. I adore the friendship they built through these two stories. What a beautiful balance and compliment they were to each other!

The dual POV kept me on the edge of my seat and rooting for Draco and Hermione throughout. The tension and attraction and passion you were able to convey was palpable. The pain and angst of the love triangle felt so very real. I think it triggered my own memories of that time in life.

And Theo…my god, Theo! 😍🥹

I didn’t think anyone could replace Draco or Rhysand as my absolute favorite book boyfriend and then you gave me this version of Theo. This funny, beautiful, vulnerable, supportive gem of a human and now I have an obsession with Theo. I can’t get enough of him!

While I ultimately knew he would end up with Daphne and Draco would end with Hermione, and that was as it should be, I was absolutely devastated when things ended between him and Hermione. It brought me to literal tears when he left her to go and comfort Daph bc I knew it was the beginning of the end. They were just so good together. 🥹

With Lavender’s divination background and her cryptic statements about choosing a different path I kept wondering if there would be an epilogue or extra Lavender POV chapter where she has a vision of H and T choosing each other and what that path would have looked like. Does that exist somewhere and I just haven’t found it yet?

This is how consumed I’ve been with this story…I had a dream last night that there was an epilogue that flashed forward like 30 something yrs. After long and beautiful marriages, T & H have both become widowed and they find comfort and healing with one another again. Their paths finally reunite and their love story has its turn. But alas I woke up, finished the book and it was not to be.

All this to say, I would love for you to revisit this world again some day. These characters are beautifully written! I love them all! Thank you

Thank you SO MUCH for this beautiful comment. I can't tell you how much it means to me that the stories touched you in this way. You even DREAMED about them! And to class my Theo with Rhysand!!?? I die! I die! I love Rhys so much too -- it's kind of a problem because I compulsively re-read his scenes. In fact, I read the ACOTAR series right around the time I was writing BL and FD, so there may be a little of Rhys's charm in Theo! I like this theory...

And as for your questions and intuitions about the continuation of this story, I can tell you that I do have a pretty strong headcanon for what happens down the road. I even have a rough outline/zero draft of what could be a third installment someday. I'm still waiting for the time to be ripe to start writing it, although I can't definitively promise it will ever happen. Part of me thinks I should just leave it as-is and let everyone have their own ideas about how it turns out. Also, I'm currently shopping an OC novel around for representation, drafting another OC romance, and preparing to launch a detective noir Dramione multi-chap WIP tomorrow (you heard it here first!!). So my plate is pretty full, lol. But someday, maybe someday. I do miss that world so much and would love to hang out with those characters again.

Anyway, thanks again for coming all the way to Tumblr to tell me that you loved the stories. Your words really touched me. 🥰🥹 xoxo ~ Scully