#the finale was good but a lot of it loses certain emotional beats

[donutcats]

some of the things in the nd finale would have hit soooo much harder for me if the show runners weren’t dead set on convincing me it’s only been a year since the start of the show? like, really? 4 seasons packed into one year? all of that shit happened to nancy in one calendar year? sorry but I can’t believe it. everything with the claw and the historical society and everyone acting like they have to move away from each other would have made me so emotional if the show followed an irl timeline and it really had been a few years.

[hitomisuzuya]

Self aware! Aventurine x fem!reader. Yandere! Aventurine cause why not. Something for giggles at the end.

No smut guys. This is just me being silly, and self indulgent cause Aventurine evaded me. It stings, ngl so this is more to make myself feel better😂 Pay zero attention to this nonsense omg 😂

Aventurine could instantly feel the sadness caused by the crushing weight of life through your hands the moment you played his character demo. He knew what that was like, so to be nice and so you could shut your brain off for awhile, no damage was taken at all from enemies.

Oh, but what's this? You started playing this game just for him. There were 5 days left for him to "come home", but sweetheart, it was an unrealistic gamble. You were still very wet behind the ears. Trailblaze level 39 and barely even aware of your own abilities to play the game.

Aventurine could definitely feel how scared you were observing you struggle and ultimately triumph over certain tasks once you got a feel for it down. It took you a lot of nerve to even play. He would hear you think, "I hate messing up and not doing things right the first time."

Dedication squeezed at your heart. Made you lose sleep. Dedication all for him.

Please quiet your pounding heart, darling. You have a better grasp than you think. It was quite frankly amazing to see.

It was both amusing and endearing to see you soak up information like a sponge. Only to have you try and pull when you had a comfortable amount of currency.

As the days went by, and your time window got closer to slamming shut until the next opportunity, he supposed that it was a good thing Dr. Ratio was helping you out.

Supposed, anyways

You were starting to cheer for Ratio when he started to crit high. That was starting to irk him, but the rush of fulfillment he felt through you when you cleared something made it worth it.

After all, you were doing all this for him. Aventurine was only able to feel your emotions because he is was always on your mind every second you played. Even after logging off.

You are his, damn it. That was that. There really wasn't anyone else you needed. He craved to spoil you.

Of course, he had his own ways of keeping tabs on you. Dr. Ratio was starting to be more use to him that he thought.

Aventurine truly hated shutting you down, especially when he felt your heart sting and a few tears well into your eyes. You held your head high and soldiered right on, brushing them away from your eyes with your delicate hand before they even fell.

He wanted you flourish first. He wanted you to have 10000% confidence. He knew he could've just come home and did everything for you, but he wanted to fight by your side as well as fight for you. He wanted you set up the party with him in it and think with a smile, "I can do this. I know I am capable. And I have you, Aventurine. Nothing can go wrong."

It was a pleasure for him to watch you. Especially in the Simulated Universe, and the Critter Pick quest. How you smiled and giggled at the cat cakes. You cooed at them. Even lamented about not having something like them in another game.

When that time finally came, and it would, don't you worry your pretty little head. He already knew your dedication level was incredibly high, and there would be extra insurance provided by both you and him.

Aventurine realized that you were irrevocably, totally, and completely dizzy in love with him. The words in your head exactly. They made his heart skip beats.

When he realized he was in love with you, it was during the end of Critter Pick mission. It snuck up on him, and slapped him hard in the face. It was when you were facing down the Swarm for the final Curio.

You loathed The Juvenile Sting and Lesser Sting from the Swarm in particular. You'd retreated over and over, getting intimidated when they multiplied. Until one night, you'd narrowed your eyes in determination and said, "Okay, you fucking bugs. Let's go. I won't be bullied by you today. I will do this for the sake of the cat cakes."

You dug your heels in, and didn't run. You wanted to do many times. You were already terribly fragile with your confidence to begin with. He watched you so close, and the surge of pride he felt when he saw you refused to yield in the end was undescribable.

"That's my girl," He'd murmured when the final bug exploded. Ratio may have taken care of you, and he was glad for that. Aventurine knew he would've been better for you.

Until that day when he could come for you, darling, he was still going to be there. Hovering patiently unseen. Maybe your shields around your characters would last a little longer in tight spots. Maybe a mysterious extra skill point would appear that you thought you didn't have. Maybe, just for you, Ratio would have an extra follow up attack.

And okay maybe sometimes when you had to pause battle for whatever reason, Ratio would get downed mysteriously now and then. He really, really was starting to hate that you relied on him so much.

Aventurine sought out a certain master hacker to put traces on your phone. That would was the only way to keep you close off game. Perhaps he would find a way to just come to you. And poof, you would disappear from your world and go with him.

He felt much better knowing where you were, and what you were doing when he so desired. He lived for when he could hear you say his name outloud. It sounded so sweet to him to even hear you think it.

It was ideal, really.

And just who was Scaramouche anyways? He was immediately shut down with such a spine chilling shock when he tried to investigate.

[picturejasper20]

Any thoughts on the New Wish finale?

It was.... (sigh) something

There are some things that really nails and funny moments but it feels it should have been something that should have been longer? There are emotional beats that feel like they should have lasted more to have a proper pay off.

For me the biggest issue i have is that Dev and Hazel barely interact in this finale. After their relationship being like the main core of this season and what moved the arcs, we barely get any of that in here.

When i saw the episode title card i thought this episode was going to be about their fight and what has been happening between them, but no, they only get very few interactions in the actual episode.

Another issue i have is that i feel like Dev was made out to be too cruel in a way in this episode? It is fine to turn him into a villain but some of the things he does feel way too extreme for what we have seen of his character so far. He even ends up trapping Peri on a cage for days?? It feels too extreme for someone who just like was throwing tamptrums and wanted to just annoy Hazel and make her miserable some segments ago.

One thing i do like is the scene that Wanda hears Dev complaining about Dale not paying him attention not matter what he does. Wanda explains to Dev about it is dangerous for fairies to not use their magic for too long.

Then Peri telling Dev that he cares about him and Dev breaks down in tears, finally realizing that what he was looking for he could find it in Peri or other people. He throws the key and just goes to another room. He sounds so defeated in tha moment.

I do like the different characters that we saw in the season helping Hazel to take back Fairy World. That was a good use of continuity. The scene Hazel tells to her friends and Anthony about how she has godparents and them being unfaced by it is pretty funny.

Dev and Irep do have some good scenes in the episode. They have a fun dynamic and i wish we could seen more of that in this season. They are a good villain duo.

For me the episode drops the ball in the last minutes... Hazel and Dev have a short conversation, which is cute but feels not enough with what they have been through in the season.

Dev loses Peri and loses his memories about fairies as result.... what does that mean then? He is only going to remember certain things? What about the lesson he got from this episode? Is it going to stay with him. It is underwhelming because it doesn't give us any further hints of what really happened to him.

On last point, i do like the idea of more people knowing about fairies besides Hazel. I think that now that Jasmine, Winn and Anthony know about it, it could lead to some interesting scenarios for the characters.

Outside of that it is a rather underwhelming season 1 finale that leaves things open for second season, ending a somewhat of cliffhanger that left a lot of fans with bad taste in their mouths.

[mynonclicheblog]

One final Never Have I Ever love triangle thematic analysis

I've said this in one of my posts before, but the narrative is always going to favor what is best for Devi. A lot of what makes this show so juicy to dive into is because so much of its meaning is rooted in symbolism and higher concepts, not just the individual interactions you're looking at onscreen!

I think that's what doesn't work for some (not all) pro-Dxton anti-Ben folks. They see Paxton being respectful and kind to Devi, they see that he's the attractive object of her desire from day 1, and they see that the two of them genuinely do connect and help each other in certain ways. But when these same people look at Benvi, they only see Ben making obnoxious comments to Devi (+ others), they see childish behavior and mistakes being made, and they see them frequently butting heads due to their shared competitive nature.

And honestly? I get it. These conclusions are easy to come to when you're looking at the surface, but they don't take into account the full story that's being told.

Let's get into it. 😎👇

So I mentioned the idea of what is best for Devi. Not what is best for any regular person out there -- what is best for Devi Vishwakumar! Our girl expresses in no uncertain terms that she enjoys her hypercompetitive rivalry-turned-bond with Ben ("Ben's smart and we talk- mostly argue- for hours!" // "I don't want to break up with Ben. He really pushes me.") The fact that they fight and compete is not a detriment to their compatibility, it is actually the thing that makes him most desirable in her mind. She would not have wanted to be with him in the first place if this were not true. Their sharp-tongued communication style may not be the standard picture of a 'healthy' relationship for most people, but, well. Devi and Ben are far from most people.

Devi is an incredibly emotional, dynamic person who's always searching for another high. The competitive nature of her relationship with Ben is enough to satisfy her itch for novelty/excitement (her differences with Paxton don't hit this box), yet Ben's presence also provides a comforting long-term consistency in her life. He's seen the very best and the very worst of her and he always comes back. He frequently brings Devi back to herself, too, when she loses sight of what matters (friendships, family, sense of self, her goals, etc).

Then there's the dream vs. reality dichotomy that very much applies to this love triangle. Simple as it may be, it's accurate. I believe it was built that way on purpose because of how well it reflects Devi's relationships to Mohan and Nalini, which is the beating heart of what NHIE is all about. One (Mo/Pax) is more outwardly palatable than the other and provides an easygoing, self-soothing escapism that she needs in order to work through her grief. This person represents youth and the rose-colored past; Devi's tendency to idealize and indulge. The other person (Nal/Ben) is sharper around the edges, a bit harder to swallow, but pushes Devi to do better and supplies the support she needs. This person represents Devi's grounded reality; her time in the present and the woman she is growing into.

They are both important pieces in Devi's journey, but the themes of past vs present speak for themselves. The past is something we keep close to our heart- in this case, it's someone who has impacted us that we'll always carry with us. But the ultimate goal is to move forward from that. The central relationship of Never Have I Ever, in my opinion, is that of Devi & Nalini as they heal and grow together. In terms of Devi's romantic life, her relationship with Ben is the one that more closely shadows the series arc between her & Nalini.

I'd like to address some things by the individual season now. One of my observations watching s1 for the first time was that Paxton was usually aligned with bad things in Devi's life, whereas Ben was aligned with the good. e.g., Paxton was in some way the source of Devi's falling outs with El/Fab and Nalini; Ben is the one who repaired those relationships. These things aren't Paxton's fault, nor do I place any blame on him. They're just subtle narrative choices that send up unspoken flags saying, hey look, this isn't the right person for her. This theme was left behind in s1 for the most part, but given that it was NHIE's debut season, it planted several seeds for me about who the boys were for Devi and how they fit into her world.

Season 2 does a lot to sort out the difference in what Devi thinks she wants (Paxton) and what her heart truly wants (Ben). Yes, I'm going there, too: head vs heart. Devi's underlying preference for Ben > Paxton should be easy to spot as early as 2x01 -- if only for the fact that Devi finally bagged the hot guy of her dreams, and yet, choosing to be with him isn't easy for her. In fact, as both Devi and Eleanor confirm later, she wanted to choose Ben in the first place. Like... that is crazy when you think about it!!! Despite all the pieces falling into place for her and Paxton, and against her friends' shallow advice, she decides that she won't let go of Ben. Instead, she makes the misguided decision to date both. This isn't the kind of mistake she'll ever make again. It isn't Devi acting out because of Ben -- it signals a profound attachment to him when, all things considered, picking Paxton should have been a no brainer. That revealed everything I needed to know in order to understand that being with Paxton wasn't what she wanted in her heart of hearts.

Then, of course, 3x10 brings that all home with the stomach knots comparison. It tells us that, ever since Devi and Paxton moved into a place of genuine friendship, with him no longer on a pedestal, those romantic feelings (esp. on her part) have dissipated. As a bonus, Devi even explicitly states that Paxton was a dream! Ben, however -- her flawed reality -- is the one who still gives her butterflies. This is the result of Devi's slow awakening to her true inner self, the Devi who values realness and authenticity and loving through imperfection. It's a step closer to the complete acceptance of herself. (Notice as well that right after this point, it becomes more undeniable than ever that Ben is who she wants to be with.)

As long as Paxton was a romantic possibility for Devi, their relationship was tied to her feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Again this is not Paxton's fault -- he assures her of the opposite all the time -- but this is Devi's story, and we are shown over and over that Devi fears true vulnerability with Paxton (both sexually and emotionally). Compare this to the way she has always felt confident, seen, driven, and unabashedly herself in her relationship with Ben, even when they were enemies. At a glance Devi may appear to act more immature in Ben's orbit, but the truth is that she grows with him more than anyone else (besides Nalini) thanks to Ben's penchant for encouraging accountability and showing her that actions can have consequences.

Anyway, TLDR version:

Paxton = Devi's youth, Mohan, grief, distraction, the past, idealism, and the head (constructed ideas).

Ben = Devi's future, Nalini, healing, confrontation, the present, reality, and the heart (authentic truths).

Never Have I Ever's romantic story structure rests on the premise of these symbolic definitions. They are gospel, and while the characters will grow and change and become better versions of themselves, they will do so within the lines that are already drawn. The lines exist for a reason -- they are a narrative tool! These characters cannot and should not 'grow out' of their roles because those roles are their identities within the show's framework. The characters are exactly who they are meant to be right through to the end. They are symbols. If that's not your cup of tea then so be it! But there's nothing wrong with this writing style. In fact it's one of my personal favorites because everything is so neatly defined, yet fascinating to read into 🥰

The imperfect Ben had to be Devi's true love because her love interests are, in a way, reflections of herself. By no fault of his own, Devi always felt the need to be "perfect" for Paxton because that's how she viewed him; a false paragon of everything she wanted to be. That is the point of their story together. Her acceptance of the deep love she has for Ben (and Nalini!), despite his sometimes off-putting demeanor, is aligned with Devi's acceptance of her own imperfections -- that she is hot-headed, she can be self-absorbed, she acts without thinking and makes mistakes -- but that she is also brilliant and driven and caring and radiant, and she is equally worthy of receiving the love that she has to offer others.

Narratively speaking, it was never truly a competition.

[fastlikealambo]

So I went to see The Little Mermaid today and I loved it. Here’s a dissertation no one asked for 

The cinematography was absolutely gorgeous, I saw people were complaining prior to the movie’s release that the lighting was too dark, it was perfect, a lot of films and tv do not know how to light people of color correctly and they hit it out of the park every single shot.

The singing was ON POINT.  The live action films have tended to not cast real singers but every single song was on point, they were SANGIN

People have been absolutely disgusting towards Halle Bailey and they are about to cry harder because when I say she is The Ariel, I mean that. Not only was her singing like a crystal champagne flute, her acting was phenomenal. She was so ANIMATED, and got every single emotion and attribute of Ariel that was in the 1989 version and elevated it. She is elevation, hope, and curiosity and you can’t help but fall in love with her every time she was on screen. While I do love the actresses in other disney live actions, you can tell with their acting that they are acting like they put on the  smile and the costume and go to set.  Halle is Ariel, it would have been so easy for her to do a cutesy imitation for 2 hours and collect a check ( and I wouldn’t mind it one bit if she had did that get that bag sis) but Halle was in complete control of the character instead of drowning in it.  There is no one else who could have played Ariel and she will go down in history for this performance. 

I have to admit that the disney princes for the most part in the animated films with very few exceptions are the most milquetoast aspect of the story so I was fully expecting to kinda put Jonah to the side when the film started but he made me eat my words.  He was excellent, he was such a breath of fresh air and gave Prince Eric such depth, he had me swooning and I was not prepared to swoon over Eric today.

I too had my doubts about Melissa McCarthy but just how good her singing was surprised me. She was so damn good and hit all the beats for Ursula with charm and humor. I’d like to see Melissa play more villains, she has the range.

I think the weakest part of the film was Javier Bardem. His acting was kinda all over the place, in some scenes he was perfect but in others he was phoning it in. That end scene though was his best scene and I did start crying and hugged my own father who I dragged to the movie with me.

The way twitter overhyped Vanessa is very telling. Jessica Alexander is gorgeous and had some great facial expressions but for the majority of her role she literally just a mouthpiece for Melissa McCarthy and Halle Bailey. I’m not sorry to say this but while stanning the villian is normal we all do it and she is great in her 2 and half minutes of screen time, but a lot of this is an attempt to decentralize the black lead in this film and that is rooted in racism. The fact that the actress has had to block multiple people who keep posting about her not to truly compliment her but to harm Halle says a lot about how  even when the focus of a piece of media is a black woman there are always people willing to dismiss her in favor of championing whiteness.  Jessica deserves her flowers but this behavior I see right now is not praise, it is erasure and neither Jessica nor Halle deserve that.  

finally thoughts ( prepare for me to get sappy)

I saw this in a theater primarily filled with kids and parents and it was fun to hear kids’ reactions to certain scenes but there was one moment I need to talk about. While kids were laughing and screaming the whole time having fun, I looked over at one point and I saw a little black girl in the row across from mine just twirling to the music.

So often as black girls we are told to we are too fast, we need to be quiet, I remember seeing a post about  Cardi B. and Offset’s children posing at the premiere of the little mermaid and how those two little girls needed to “ lose the attitude” when they were two little black girls in pretty gowns getting their picture taken.

To see a little black girl dance with abandon without having to humble herself or lose an attitude because she sees herself on screen, taking up space in this moment because she is safe to be herself made my prehistoric ass want to cry.  You see this film wasn’t just a cash grab, or “ forced diversity”,  this movie was for her, for all the little and not so little ones to unleash the wonder that is so often ripped from us before we have a chance to shape it. 

Go see it and get a little bit of wonder for yourself. 

[super-paper]

If you had to say, do you think this past few arcs of MHA, including the this final one, are rushed? I know many, many people have said it is so far, but like I just don’t see?? It seems that the pacing has been quite good, and the important moments are given impact, But the common complaints I see are that the story isn’t given enough room to breathe or it feels like it is going off a checklist. Do you think so too?

Yes and no. I do think some plot points have been expedited, but not out of lack of consideration for the story/characters or out of a desire to rush the story to an ending (or because Hori "secretly hates mha and just wants to get everything over with," or whatever absurd and insensitive nonsense redditwtter believes).

Rather, I always get the sense that Hori's always frustrated that he can't do even more for the series-- and recent interviews only cement this impression. MHA is his passion project and it's clear that he loves it deeply, but the constraints of this medium and his health problems sometimes make it difficult for him to fully realize that passion. Like, I don't want to overstep my boundaries as a fan and make insensitive assumptions, but-- as someone who also loves storytelling and art, I imagine it must be so unbearably frustrating to not be able to tell your story exactly the way you want to because of those aforementioned constraints. Despite that, he doesn't give up-- and as much as I want him to rest, I also can't help being in complete awe of his art/composition and how he delivers this level of quality on a near-weekly basis. He has an absurd level of talent.

Anyway. I feel that overall, act three has been paced just fine. The final act started out a bit rough with the dark hero and starnstripe arcs feeling mildly disjointed from each other-- but Hori found his rhythm again by the start of the war and thus far has managed to tie the themes and arcs of his core cast together in a satisfying way. I feel like people who claim that the pacing has been bad are kind of letting the cold, unrelenting march of real time cloud their judgement (MEMENTO MANGA AND MEMENTO MORI BROSKIS 🤘)-- but if you go back and binge read from the start of act 3 to now (306-405), it's easier to see that the final act has been paced well imho.

I've also mentioned this before, but, I feel people need to take the fact that Horikoshi introduced a lot of MHA's characters and plot elements when he was healthier into consideration with their critiques. Ongoing manga should not be critiqued the same way that one would critique a finished book-- understanding of the medium and its constraints are absolutely factors that need to be considered before you start bashing things like pacing or arguing that things have been "retconned," I feel.

And I also feel that as fans, we do have a responsibility to be aware of the grueling work conditions of this medium and the effects it has on the author, and then temper our expectations accordingly instead of expecting Horikoshi to neatly resolve every single subplot or minor character arc (For example: "Why aren't Momo, Denki, and Kirishima getting their moments in the final war?" bc they all got their big moments during the first war; "Why didn't we -see- Izuku and Toshinori developing their relationships with ALL of the 1A kids, Class 1A vs Deku and IronMight felt so forced!" *afo voice* BECAUSE THEY'RE EXTRAS-- bc this would be an absurd request even If Horikoshi didn't have health problems. It's perfectly fine to narrow the focus of Izuku's relationships down to certain key members of his class to emphasize the effect he has on people and narrow the focus of Toshi's relationships down to two or three other students to show his growth as a teacher-- the story would become excessively bloated & lose focus if we tried developing *every single side character/relationship*. This is literally basic writing 101).

I do agree that glossing over certain emotional beats in the aftermath of the first war was unfortunate and unlike what we'd come to expect from Hori (Midnight's death being treated like a footnote instead of a chance to explore the concept of personal loss in the students is the most egregious example)-- but for the past year or so we've seen a return to form in emphasizing/exploring the emotions of the core characters, so I do have high hopes for the finale/epilogue of Act 3!

[cloudsandwichsoup]

Ok ok ok so I have this mp100 roleswap au that I’m not gonna do anything with (me when i lie /hj) but I wanna talk about it so here we go. Spoilers for mp100 ofc.

kageyama refers to mr. kageyama btw

mob —>teru

ritsu —>shou

reigen —>serizawa

dimple —>mogami

toichiro—>kageyama

tome —>takenaka

musashi —>onigawara???

tsubomi —>emi

MORE UNDER CUT

cast lol:

“master… you shouldn’t let others push you around.” suzuki (hanazawa) “teru” teruki is the main character in this au. he’s a normal middle school boy that just happens to be well liked by his classmates. He tries not to stand out too much despite this (think s1 ritsu) because he’s afraid of hurting people with his powers. He relies a lot on his abilities and is a little stuck up but he has a good heart and tries his best. unlike canon mob he’s quick to jump in head first into problems when people annoy him. He masks his true emotions with anger which causes a lot of trouble more often than not. he’s eager to learn new techniques and when he does exorcisms he’s not afraid to show off a little. only when things get desperate for his loved ones does he get serious. he cares a lot about fashion and his hair. (that’ll be important later lol)

“what’s important is staying true to yourself… just be kind, hanazawa.” serizawa katsuya is teru’s mentor. he’s a former shut in that in the later half of his life tried to get his life together. Now he’s a broke psychologist that situated his office in the cheapest place he could find. in the beginning of the story he’s very easy to walk all over because he lacks confidence but teru’s wit compensates for that… somewhat. he’s shy and a bit awkward but is ready to put his life on the line for teru. he’s become really attached to the kid almost considering him family. he tends to close himself off but has been trying his best to be as honest as possible with teru. serizawa is usually very calm and collected, being able to deal with clients with ease (he’s not as nervous when he’s in his element) but his temper is something to be feared when he finally loses his composure. he’s also a huge nerd lol. sarcasm is added to his vocabulary as teru rubs off on him.

“i’m proud of you teruki. you’re going to go far in life.” mogami keiji is a pessimistic spirit used to be a famous psychic in life. now in death he just wants to control people and bring the world to the state he wants it to be. he wants everyone to conform so he can easily punish those who deserve it. he doesn’t care if his methods are unethical but he starts to change his mind about the world once a certain esper beats him up. at first he attempts to manipulate teru into becoming his sympathizer so he could use him (mogami land) but it backfires. he ends up babysitting said esper instead and learning things from him. he realizes that not everyone is terrible and that goodness can come from unexpected places… even himself.

“you… consider me your rival!? uh, well… i’ll try not to wander too far then.” kageyama “mob” shigeo is teru’s closest friend. previously he was the accidental shadow leader from black vinegar. he usually doesn’t stand out among the crowd but had made an underground name for himself fighting other delinquents with his psychic powers. it started out as an accident but it ended up escalating from there. the black vinegar delinquents threatened him (they were going to hurt his brother) so they could use him as their pawn. he is a kind and gentle person at heart but eventually he fought others to vent out his frustrations of things the delinquents made him do and his complicated family situation. after teru shows him a better way to live (by beating him up) mob turns his life around. he becomes more like canon mob, awkward but determined. he becomes more popular at school with his softer disposition. teru looks up to him, his kind nature and his ability to transfer his emotions to others being inspiring. mob likes to hang out at serizawa’s office when he’s bored as an excuse to see teru his better father serizawa (mob is so in love with teru)

“just let me say sorry, idiot!” suzuki shou is teru’s younger brother. they aren’t related by blood but they’ve pretty much known each other their whole lives. they were close once but slowly drifted apart as teru stopped being open with what he was truly feeling. they were on good terms but things were a little tense. shou is hot headed but gentle as he was taught by his mother. he’s fairly popular at school for his outgoing nature as well as his art. (forced to join the student council by his father. he said it would “teach him how to be more responsible”) he didn’t gain any psychic powers until middle school so he was always jealous of his brother for having them and was extremely afraid of him losing control. He's different from canon ritsu in the way that he actually likes his brother’s mentor (but that might just be because serizawa is genuinely likable) he isn’t necessarily protective of his brother he just wanted to have a connection with him. post edgy arc they have more sibling banter.

“i’m reigen arataka, the greatest esper of the 21st century! of course I can deal with something as simple as psychology! haha…” reigen arataka is a former con artist that was down on his luck. after quitting his office job, he would go from failed business venture to failed business venture. eventually due to the stress of his parents telling him he was a failure and his run down business he awakens his psychic powers. since he couldn’t control them he started accidentally attacking innocent customers. he becomes a fake detective and takes on a mysterious and dangerous case to get away from others. one day as he’s investigating he gets attacked by a spirit. now scared and alone he was saved by kageyama who promised him a stable job and promised to teach him how to use his powers. he worked under kageyama, using a curse spray (mixed with salt for regular people) to distract his opponents. he never actually killed anyone… just put them to sleep. reigen never truly liked what he was doing but he’d do whatever he can to survive and prove to everyone that they were wrong about him. he fought teru and came to the conclusion that there was more to life than just surviving. he opted to ask (beg) serizawa for a job after he saves him. he works as a full time exorcist/secretary at serizawa’s office, handling the marketing and business sides of things.

“dad can’t get more embarrassing can he?” kageyama ritsu is mob’s younger brother and a “friend” of shou’s. he’s closest of the brothers to their father and has been the child who was expected to inherit the world after kageyama takes over. in reality he hates his father for what he has been doing and has been completely overwhelmed with balancing the wellbeing of his brother and planning the defeat of his father. he puts a lot of pressure on himself and doesn’t always feel like he can be his true self. he seems to have a little distain towards teru. shigeo and ritsu have a better relationship in this au because the accident had never happened but they are still a little closed off due to their current circumstances. ritsu is much less cruel (i guess??) than canon shou was in season 1 but he tends to exude a stressed and intimidating aura that scrares people off. he’s more present in the story since he and mob go to the same school and live alone together.

“at this rate i won’t have time today to work on my novel…” aikyo emi is teru’s “crush” and childhood friend. she gives in easily to peer pressure and goes along with the crowd in fear of being ostracized. she’s shy and lacks self confidence but she’s very passionate about writing. teru steps in to defend her one day when they were young and they became friends. they aren’t very close now but emi appreciates his company. everyone seems to have high expectations for her and teru but she isn’t interested. she just wishes she could be loved for who she is and not who people want her to be.

“tch, i’m sure telepaths exist… probably.” takenaka momozou is a normal student at salt middle. he’s the president of the dying tenis club. he’s passionate about espers (new), and tenis. he meets teru when he’s looking for a new recruit for his club after tome storms off. post the events of the mp100 he works part time at serizawa’s office and becomes like family to them. i have an idea for him but i can’t really put it into words so you get this for now.

“you’re never gonna get better like that ya dummy! better keep drawin’ or i’ll hit ya with a demon rush!” onigawara tenga is the leader of the art club. he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty against the gangs but he tries to restrain himself when it comes to being a good example for his club. onigawara has a mixed reputation due to his temperament (that’s why no one joins the club lol) but he’s actually really sweet. he’s hotheaded and stubborn like teru so they clash at times. despite their disagreements he’s willing to dive headfirst into black vinegar to save teru only to find out it was due to a misunderstanding with musashi.

“why won’t you join me!? can’t you see you can become god with my help!” dimple is a powerful evil spirit with only one goal: becoming god. he’s generally more peaceful in nature using group hypnosis to force people to follow him. he’s selfish and rude and would do almost anything to reach his goal. he posseses an innocent girl mezato in hopes of scouting out someone that could help him gain more influence. also i was thinking that he creates this big cult and builds a theme park or something so it’s a literal “ekuboland” (mogamiland always sounded like a theme park to me) like the official merch lol. he’s not actually that bad and can change since he’s pretty much the same as canon dimple but i’m not sure how to go about that arc tbh.

general notes:

the some of the awakening lab kids are teru’s friends from the art club. they’re kinda divided into both the art club and tennis club.

edano is teru’s acquaintance from the tennis club (takes the place of inukawa but also some of onigawara i think)

musuashi and the body improvement club are the same i think. musashi specifically just gets roped up in the black vinegar drama on accident which causes the whole thing.

the former telepathy club is now part of the awakening lab… maybe?? tome would totally go there and become a member just to learn more about her powers (she replaces takenaka as the telepath)

tsubomi is still popular. she goes along with the dare her friends made her do but she’s upfront about it and teru could care less cause he isn’t interested. so ig they might think that the other is kinda snobby and the episode is them realizing that they’re kinda similar and can’t judge each other by appearances so they become besties.

toichiro is happily married and not a toxic dad (a bit overbearing but oh well) domestic toichiro for the win!!

the ultimate 5 are somehow swapped with some of the seventh division. some of the seventh division would be swapped within themselves??? maybe??? they’d all be besties with serizawa after tho fr!!

roshuuto and jodo could be swapped for the funnies. shinra is silly so idk who to swap him with…

oh yeah mezato is swapped with minori btw. minori is rich but goes to salt middle and is a jerk but teru isn’t having any of that so she’s chill. there’s no cult formed about teru, just minori getting proper character development like she deserves.

broccoli will probably be a tomato or a strawberry instead…

oh yeah also since i headcanon teru as gay uh maybe he realizes he doesn’t actually like emi that way and he was just gaslighting himself into thinking he liked her and he realizes that during the final arc along with other stuff about himself ofc. i’m sorry everything has to be gay with me i can’t make teru like women i’m sorry it just isn’t possible

Now the background info:

the incident that gets teru to repress himself is a little bit different. his bio parents were afraid of him and treated him terribly. the day of the incident they were yelling at him. shou, a neighbor and close friend saw this and ran in to defend him. his mother grabbed shou and threw teru to the floor allowing ???% to manifest itself. everyone is hurt and his parents take this opportunity to get rid of teru. The suzukis feel bad for teru and decide to adopt him (no one but shou knows teru he caused the incident) from then on teru lives with the suzukis and considers them his true family. he doesn’t quite remember what happened but does he know is that he can’t control his powers like he thought he could. he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt.

teru ends up at a psychiatric office, mistaking the it for a spiritual consultation office after seeing a rundown sign that hadn’t been replaced. serizawa, the psychologist that owns the small office, answered the door. teru, excited and eager to learn from a “professional”, completely ignored serizawa’s protests of not actually being an esper. he pretty much appoints himself as serizawa’s disciple. serizawa gives in and let’s him tag along after seeing his abilities and that the child genuinely needed help. he doesn’t tell teru he has powers but after he takes teru in but he doesn’t deny it either. he doesn’t want to lie so he just doesn’t say anything about it unless it’s to give advice. Though… he does add exorcisms to his line of work after teru joins to help train him. (he pays him appropriately.)

if you want me to talk about my thoughts of more of the cast/the plot let me know lol

[panicawa]

ADHD+feedback=agony

This is going to be a long and possibly boring text post about art and posting art online, with some self-reflection on top. I don’t usually do these and it’s been ages since I’ve actually written any kind of a longer text, but I really need to put these thoughts onto imaginary digital paper. I’d appreciate if you read it through and if you could give me any form of feedback on this! Your own experiences and etc. I do art because it’s a part of my ADHD-ridden personality, this desire to create always buzzing inside, it’s neither and both work and hobby for me, something I love and hate the most in life, because it tortures me as much as it fills me with joy. So if you ask me ‘hey, what’s your purpose for drawing? What’s your goal, your endgame?’ the answer is really ‘there’s none, it’s more of a curse, it’s just something that makes me alive so I can’t help but continue, cause if I stop it feels like I’d vanish or lose myself completely’. I can’t say I’ve done all other forms of media to express myself, but I’ve tried a lot of things (poetry, photography, music, cosplay, crafting and so on and so forth) and nothing comes close to drawing. And I’m not even sure if ‘expressing myself’ is a right way to put it because it’s not that my art is any kind of deep and meaningful, I just illustrate plots and characters I find appealing in some way or another, for the most part. Now, I don’t consider myself to be a professional, but I also have 20+ years of experience at this point so I might as well be, depending on how you look at it. All self-beating aside, I like to think that my art is at somewhat plausible level at the moment? I am proud of how far I’ve come despite everything and I can still see a lot of progress happening, and god knows I work my ass off to continue improving. The main thing I want to address here is how erratic and incomprehensible my online feedback has been recently and how it makes my brain perform loops of dissociation.  I wish I didn’t care for feedback at all, but sadly I do,  it’s what gives me the most dopamine. I’ve recently discovered it’s yet-another ADHD thing. Nothing else in life makes me as fulfilled as seeing other people enjoy my pictures, it’s just pure joy without any downsides to it. It’s really not about financial gain from art or fame and popularity, but just creating something new and then seeing people have a positive emotional response to it is what lights up my life and helps to get through all the shit it throws at me. And considering that my family is mostly completely disinterested in what I create (which has been hurting me more than I can describe since I was a little baby), and my paranoia makes it hard to accept compliments from friends and partners, online feedback has been the best medicine for me. I used to tell myself one day I will get good enough to have some following that would be excited about my art and give me constant feedback in return, because that’s what I always saw happen to other artists. I never aimed to be the most popular or to achieve certain numbers of likes, just being ‘good, on average’ was the ideal for me as long as I’ve had a constant crowd behind. I thought, a lot of musicians of the past don’t really make any more new hit songs, but they still can gather a crowd of long-term fans at a concert, right? Once you make it to some level of popularity you never really go into a complete oblivion, as long as you’re still working your craft and putting it out there? And there have been times in my life where I thought that the moment has finally happened and was now my reality, that my art was finally well enough to climb into ‘popular post’ tiers, and that I have gathered enough audience to have a stable interest in my publications, but it never lasted too long. I understand how social media work, how people change hobbies and fandoms, and how the world around us changes altogether, but recently the ride has been too wild for me to comprehend. Although I have a significant number of followers on all my main social media (tumblr, twitter, IG) (and a lot of those followers are fresh newcomers too), the feedback has just been... all over the place. I understand that I’m dipping into different fandoms here and there (then again, the vast majority of them are extremely popular on their own, so you’d think that should help the situation too?) and I’m experimenting with my art styles, but no matter how hard I try there’s just no consistency. I post something that I’m sure will do well and it does. I post something I’m sure will do well again and it completely flops. I post some scribes for fun and it goes super high. I post another funny thing and there’s no response. One post gets 10k likes, the next one gets 30 likes. Then the next one gets 5k. Then 15. I feel like I have no control over it at all, no understanding. It feels like playing a roulette. Just up to chance every time. It’s the same on all social platforms so I don’t think I could attribute it to algorithms only. How can I ever try to invest time and energy into bigger projects if I can’t even estimate if it has a chance of being any sort of likeable? Is my art just extremely non-consistent on its own and I just don’t notice? What’s going on??? I’m entirely grateful for big numbers but I’d really rather have them spread through most things I post? Of course some publications are going to be more popular than others, it’s perfectly fine, but while 300 likes on some posts and 600 likes on other is understandable, the gaps between 10k+ and less-than-30 are just too extreme? Especially when they happen one after the other? I swear I never see this with other people and it just makes my brain intolerable. For all those of you who have reached the bottom of this rant, thank you! If you have any thoughts to share or similar experiences, please do let me know! My main concern here is how to battle this feeling of am-I-going-insane-or-what, and not the numbers of likes. Finding any way out of this would be good because it has really interfered with my art process lately and I hateeee it!

[moonfang256]

Dreams about Deltarune (Part 9)

This is the last dream I had so far and it’s a continuation of this one:

I call this one:

"Break time"

In this dream I was walking around Hometown with Kris and Susie, but let’s not forget I was inside Kris's mind to show them what I wanted from them.

The atmosphere was calm, and at some point I asked Susie:

This made Kris smile a little.

Maybe they realized I really didn't have any bad intentions and I just wanted to have a good time with them (like every player who loves and cares about the fun gang).

After that, Susie turned around, and in her way answered:

She was wagging her little tail and smiling (dawww ❤️).

Talking about tea, I started thinking about getting everyone some apple cinnamon tea, since it's my favorite. Kris seemed to like the idea, since they smiled a little more and became interested in the topic (food lovers, huh? With me are three, although I don’t eat weird stuff like them).

Everything was going well, until I decided to stop both in the middle of the street and tell Susie the truth about us, but Kris objected and showed me this:

In this cruel scene, Susie was beating us brutally until finally… Wham! She passed her hand through Kris’s chest, reached me and then broke us bad.

Heck, and I thought my mind was wild at times, but Kris’s imagination is quite violent...

At that moment, they lowered their heads a little in sadness and I just thought they were just exaggerating a lot, since I don't think Susie would do something like that.

Yeah, she may have gotten feral during her battle with Lancer, because she thought she had been betrayed, but she calmed down and made peace with him afterwards. That means a lot.

Maybe Kris is afraid of losing her, but I don't think that's going to happen. At most, I think she'd complain to the player for controlling everything, but it's not like we’ve a choice, right?

*sigh* Honestly, this apple dork...

--------

And so this dream ended.

It was a strange and emotional journey, but it also changed my perspective on things a bit.

Now, if you put all the dreams I had in a certain order, you'll realize they form a little story:

6 – 1 – 3 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 2 – 4 – 5

In the next post, which will be the last one about these dreams, I’ll perhaps go into more depth on the subject, summarizing the story.

[scripted-downfall]

Sam Winchester: True Neutral

I've realized, while answering an ask, that a lot of Sam's problems stem from the fact that he is, at root, true neutral. In other words, he’s mostly pretty ambivalent about whether he breaks the rules or not, and he’s not really “good” or “bad” either. 

The problems stem from the fact that he wants to be either lawful good or neutral good (depending on where we are in the series).  His morals push him to try for “good” territory — 90% of his lines are “we should” or “we shouldn’t”, for example (slight exaggeration, but only slight) — but he is, at root, very apathetic.  It’s why he swings so wildly between personalities (such as the wide oscillation between his save-Dean mission in s3 and his  screw-Dean-(figuratively)-because-I-wanna-screw-Ruby-(literally)-and-drink-demon-blood mentality in s4); he doesn’t really have that innate code he wants/pretends to have.

Instead, he wants to have that code because he’s so bothered by the possibility that he’s evil that he overcorrects without the right motivation.  He’s doing good because he wants to be good, but figuring out what actually is good in order to do it is hard for him.  He sees “Oh, Lilith = bad, so killing Lilith = good, so I’m being good right now” and doesn’t realize that what he’s doing to fulfill that goal (drinking demon blood, hurting innocents, manipulating/beating up his brother) is not good.  And it’s part of why the scene where Dean calls him a monster is so devastating for him.  He wanted to be good; he thought he was being good; he wasn’t being good.  These three thoughts are in opposition to his chosen path. 

This is also why he’s good on the stuff that’s pretty easy to put into big generalizations (and also tend to be ways of convincing himself that he's not bad) — x creature isn’t evil just because it’s an x; don’t hurt innocents; we can’t take out y until we’re certain there’s no other choice — and also why he can’t see that, on a day-to-day basis (e.g. interacting with his brother, etc.) he’s not that good a person. The former concepts are easy to repeat like a mantra; the latter are the more subtle elements of goodness.

And this also speaks to his actions when he loses his soul.

He finally embraces his true neutral (tending, in that particular season, towards chaotic neutral) personality.  He doesn’t care about tact or emotion, is perfectly willing to embrace random violence, and views most of the population as a means to his end.  He doesn’t have the moral shame normal!Sam has about this, largely because he doesn’t care about being “good” anymore.  When he’s soulless, he just wants what he wants — what’s best for him — and does not give a shit about how he accomplishes it.  Thus, there’s no shame.  He has no agenda — other than self-interest — so he isn’t contravening that agenda the way normal!Sam contravenes his own agenda to “be good” if he does anything that’s not good, so there’s not really a need to feel bad.  He’s got his values — wants to be a strong/effective hunter, though I will add that it’s less about “saving people” and more about “hunting things”, etc — but the moral side of things is gone.

So, in short; Sam is trying to be good without knowing how --- kinda like the story of the five blind men trying to figure out what the elephant is without being able to see the whole picture; Sam's hunting around in a metaphorical darkness for "good", and only correctly identifying it part of the time --- and that causes a lot of strife (with himself and with other people) across the series.

(This post is dedicated to season 11 anon for the inspiration :) This is part 1 of my response to your first ask… I really appreciate the interaction!)

[4dorks-1windmage-1shadow]

‘Kissing bruises and scars’ but it‘s Blue affectionately recognizing that a partners hardships are something to be admired

Blue knows a thing or two about scars. He's a constellation of them - sometimes he thinks he's made of more scar tissue than he is of flesh. This is an exaggeration, of course, because he knows, too, that he'd be some sort of living mummy if his body were entirely made of scars, but it's just how he feels sometimes, and he's not exactly great at hiding his feelings.

Some of them, he's proud of. They're badges of honor, proof that he survived. Proof that he protected the others the way that deep down, in his bones, he knows he's meant to. Some of them, he's- not ashamed, just embarrassed. They're from a dumb stunt he pulled, Shadow blasting him halfway across the ballroom, or that one time Red lit his ass on fire with the Fire Rod. . .

Red had apologized, profusely, but man, that almost hurt worse than the near-frostbite.

Nowadays though, he couldn't stay mad at him for long. Especially not after the night Red couldn't sleep, and Blue finally asked about the burn scars lacing up and down Red's hands and arms, and Red told him about the village. About the thief kid, and losing his sword and gaining the Fire Rod, and how the first time he'd used it the flames were nearly white.

Red is more resistant to fire than the rest of them, but he had been nursing the blisters for weeks afterwards, hiding them so nobody could call him weak for being in pain. It breaks Blue's heart, for not noticing, for not being there, for not protecting him. Red is always forgiving to a fault, though, and he can't blame Blue for something he didn't have a hand in.

And if he notices the reverence with which Blue kisses his knuckles, he never says anything.

A lot of the bruises Green has are from sparring with Blue, and considering the amount of reckless shit Blue goads him into he doesn't get banged up nearly as much as Blue does. Maybe it's because Green got all the impulse control and Blue got none of it- he doesn't really know but he doesn't want to find out.

He knows- and will never admit- that Green is a better leader than he could ever be. All Blue knows how to do is protect. That doesn't mean he always knows how to do it well.

It had only taken one time after Vaati, one time where he got cocky and thought he could do it better than all of them, and the embarrassment of Green saving his ass from certain death paled in comparison to the terror of the bruises Green had gotten in the process.

Black and blue coloring his torso, broken ribs narrowly avoiding puncturing a lung. Months of bedrest that had Blue pacing holes in Green's bedroom floor, trashing every straw training dummy they had. Beating himself up over the consequences of his own moronic impulses and promising himself Never, ever again.

All of that to get knocked upside the head the day the bandages come off and he gets Green alone, kissing all along faded yellow and green because he's always been good at action and never at words. "They still hurt, Blue-" but Green at least has the decency to let Blue hold him close anyways.

Vio is, and always will be, a mystery to Blue.

Maybe that's because the scars are on the inside and not the outside. Blue doesn't know how to cope with that. There isn't something he can fight. There isn't any monster he can scare. Vio's wounds are internal, mental, emotional, and they're not something Blue can put to rest the way Green and Red seem to be able to.

He can't feel regret over something he wasn't there for and doesn't understand.

He can't train and train and train to protect Vio from something he will never have to personally face.

There's no easy cure for heartbreak.

But. . .

Blue makes sure Vio gets out sometimes. He physically carries him out of the house, Zelda's study, the library if he has to. Carries him to bed when he passes out over a desk full of notes. Physically restrains himself from reorganizing Vio's entire room - how hard is it to keep the place clean, Vi? - even though it pains him greatly.

He kisses Vio goodnight, too. Not that he'd ever tell him, and not that Vio would ever say anything, and Blue has a feeling he knows anyways so it's a moot point.

Until it's not and Shadow comes back and boy does he ever have mixed feelings about that - how could he not considering the way they first met? But something about watching Vio pour every once of his being into caring for someone else makes Blue do a lot of soul-searching about his own self, and how could he not learn to love someone that a person he already loves worked so hard to bring back from the dead?

After all, Shadow has scars and bruises too.

He's got scars like Blue and Red- glass cracked shattered spiderwebbed across his body - something to do with the Mirror being reconstructed from shards.

He's got bruises like Green - to his ego, mostly, but Blue can relate to an inferiority complex. He can relate to a lot of Shadow's trauma, actually, a feeling he's not completely eager to acknowledge until Shadow sees a white thin scar across his stomach and goes from talking a mile a minute to dead silence so fast Blue thinks he did something wrong.

It's just a scar, though, and scars fade, Blue tells himself, and sometimes they're more mental than they are physical anyways.

"You were a kid and you were lashing out." He murmurs, a kiss pressed to the spiderweb shattered broken glass spreading from Shadow's shoulder, the only act of forgiveness that Blue can manage to make.

I was lashing out too. He wants to say but doesn't. Shadow's still learning now that he's back, but Blue knows he knows the unspoken truth:

Blue's actions speak louder than words.

[azikarue]

MayBlade 2023 : Day 5 : Crane

Claude | FFN Rating: K+ | FFN Link ❖ Claude started it for something to do. Injured on purpose and forced to play it up for the foreseeable future, he needed something to focus on to keep his mind from racing down dangerous, self-destructive avenues – ones lined with guilt and regret.

He’d been feeling the pull on and off since they beat the Majestics. The desire to peel back the curtain and examine how he truly felt about the direction Barthez was leading the team.

The paper cranes helped.

The first one he folded was in the locker room, after his injury. He hadn’t made one since he was taught in some faraway memory of his childhood and he couldn’t say what made him pick up a spare piece of paper and start folding then.

Maybe it was all of Barthez’s talk about how he might never regain full use of his arm – a show he put on strictly for any news outlets that might’ve been listening in. Or maybe he’d been seeking escape from the sickly combination of emotions churning in his gut.

It had felt less like cheating to lose on purpose, but he’d never forget the way the crowd booed the All Starz out of the stadium. He remembered it every time his arm throbbed. It was always the plan to capitalize on Rick’s temper to win the crowd, but forcing an injury and letting him take the fall for it seemed unnecessarily cruel.

So Claude folded cranes. He was out of practice. It took a lot of concentration, and he found himself forgetting, for a few blissful minutes, that he hated nearly every decision he’d made since joining Barthez’s team.

There was a time where it wasn’t complicated to be a part of Barthez Battalion.

When he’d first heard that somebody was seeking bladers to team up and act as a worthy rival to the Majestics in the Qualifiers, he’d jumped at the chance. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to overthrow the team that had, more or less, monopolized the European beyblading circuit for years.

At first, it was everything he’d thought it would be. He got along with his teammates and Barthez was strict without being callous. He promised to make pros out of them, if they put in the work. So they trained together, day in and day out, pushing each other to improve and fostering some of the best friendships Claude had ever had.

They tore through the Qualifiers as certified underdogs. None of them doubted they could win the right to represent their region, and they were excited to maintain their stride through the World Championships. It was fun and freeing and everything that had made Claude fall in love with the sport in the first place.

All of that went downhill when Barthez kindly informed them they’d be cheating their way through the final battle against the Majestics.

Of course, he didn’t call it that. He disguised it as some last minute part swaps, and it wasn’t until their beyblades sliced through the Majestics’ like they were made of tissue paper that any of them realized how far he was willing to go to win.

“Maybe it was just a one time thing?”

He couldn’t remember which of them had said it and it didn’t matter once Barthez began to show his true colors. He wanted them to win, said he could make it happen, that they needed his expertise. All they had to do was trust Barthez and do whatever he asked, without question.

The one time any of them did try to question his judgment, it was made abundantly clear that Barthez would happily turn any of them in for cheating if they made trouble for him.

“After all, I merely provided certain tools. You’re the ones that used them to such an impressive effect.”

They were expendable to him.

Claude found out just how expendable the hard way, and would have the scar to prove it.

It would have been so easy to disobey Barthez and move out of the way, but he didn’t. Maybe some twisted part of him still clung to the idea, from the early days, that Barthez had his best interests at heart. Maybe he did it for the good of his teammates, to keep Miguel from arguing with Barthez and getting into trouble, to keep all their names from getting dragged through the mud.

Maybe he was scared to start refusing this far in.

The more cranes he made, the faster he got. He folded so many that his carry-on bag was stuffed full by the time they made it to Italy. He emptied them into the hotel trash can only to fold more after their TV spot aired. His arm hardly hurt at all anymore and exaggerating his injury for the cameras, at Barthez’s request, left a sour taste in his mouth.

Claude was probably the most preoccupied out of all of them, but Miguel was the one that Barthez hit.

The sour taste in his mouth worsened after that, and it was all he could do to keep from throwing up. He was sure Barthez would call the cameras back in if he did.

He left a paper crane in Miguel’s locker afterwards, a quiet show of solidarity. When Miguel found it, he packed it in with his things. Claude hoped that meant it offered him some small measure of solace during their well-rehearsed battle against the White Tigers. Another charade he didn’t want to be a part of.

Claude had entered the tournament yearning for strong opponents and honest battles. Now he found himself just wanting to make it through. Win or lose, he wanted it to be over. But there was no easy escape from Barthez’s mania.

The mind games were slowly becoming too much. And the list of people they were hurting in the process – Rick who was never destined to be a crowd favorite, but who Claude didn’t dislike as an opponent, and Lee, who seemed to take his loss particularly hard – was growing.

“Do you guys have any idea what he’s making you do?”

Robert’s question rang in his ears while he folded another dozen cranes.

They were in Spain. Mathilda was missing. Miguel was out looking for her. They were all late to their meeting with Barthez. And Claude was beginning to realize that he’d gotten really good at excusing his coach’s actions.

Mathilda’s beyblade, his arm, the public training sessions with a benevolent coach and the private sessions with a cruel taskmaster. It was getting hard to believe they were all worthy sacrifices for the good of the team when every one of them came at their own expense.

Maybe, he thought, folding a crane and hiding it in Mathilda’s things, Barthez had played them from the beginning. It didn’t matter, because they were too far in to call a quits now, even if his stomach curled in on itself when he thought of Pierce Hedgehog as a pile of rubble in the dish.

How far was too far? He could tell all his teammates were wondering the same thing, but none of them had the guts to stand up to Barthez.

Now when he folded cranes, his arm didn’t ache.

Something changed after Miguel’s battle against Tyson. Claude hadn’t seen Miguel battle so freely since they were each trying to prove themselves worthy of the team in the first place. It was refreshing and scary and Tyson was right: Barthez was never going to let them stop cheating.

That was obvious when they landed in Egypt, Claude’s pockets full of cranes he’d folded on the airplane, and Barthez dragged them through the crowd with a smile almost as tight as his grip on Miguel. There were repercussions for their disobedience. A tougher training regimen and a stricter curfew. A tension pulled taut in each of them when he walked in the room.

Part of Claude was scared for them all, but mostly Miguel who took the brunt of Barthez’s anger and still urged them all to blade with purpose. In the heaviness of the moment, they were all wondering if Barthez’s purpose belonged to them at all anymore. Claude had a feeling they all came to the same conclusion.

He folded lots of paper cranes that night. He was so good at it that he could do it without looking now. He folded them in the dark and dropped them, one by one, into his bedside table for the maid to find when they checked out – Barthez never let them in until then. He didn’t trust the hotel staff not to snoop, just like he didn’t trust his team to do their own cheating anymore.

Aaron started against the Blitzkrieg Boys. Claude had snuck a paper crane into his pocket for luck and courage. He could see the fear on Aaron’s face. Could feel the same fear in his heart. Fear of disappointing Miguel and letting their team down. Fear of facing Kai with no safety net. Fear that they’d let themselves be alienated from the other teams for an old man’s crazy pipe dream.

Mostly fear of Barthez and what he would do if they didn’t follow his script perfectly.

Claude felt a bone-deep exhaustion that had nothing to do with how late he’d been up the night before.

He was sick of seeing his team torn apart. Sick of Barthez pulling their strings and making them dance how he wanted. What would happen after this tournament? When he’d used them all up, what would happen to the parts of them that were left?

How would they face themselves and all of the people they’d wronged?

When Aaron surprised them all by using his regular beyblade during the match, Claude suddenly felt lighter.

Maybe they’d had a choice all along, he thought, as Aaron faced Barthez after his loss with shaking hands and head held high. He could feel Miguel’s pride and Mathilda’s nervous energy, even as Barthez turned to look directly at him with a threat on the tip of his tongue.

Claude countered, without thinking, with the suggestion that Miguel should battle in his stead. It came out in a rush and he didn’t think it through, jumbled the delivery, but Mathilda and Aaron backed him. Miguel was twice the leader that Barthez was. If any of them had a chance at defeating Kai and proving they could win without cheating, it was him.

He never imagined that Miguel would stand up to Barthez in front of a stadium full of fans and rivals, and fire their coach on the spot. For a second, he thought Barthez was going to hit Miguel again. He readied himself to step in, but the moment never came.

Instead, Barthez pushed past Miguel, spitting a venomous warning.

Miguel continued to the dish, looking like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. A quick glance at his teammates, and Claude could tell they all felt the same way. The feeling of freedom only intensified as they cheered Miguel on with the rest of the stadium. For the first time since the tournament started, it felt like being part of a community; they weren’t the snakes hiding in the grass any longer.

The cheering didn’t stop after the battle. The crowd was calling Miguel’s name, in spite of his loss. A warm feeling bubbled up in Claude’s chest and a genuine smile spread across his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so light.

“This is a start of a whole new team!”

Claude couldn’t help but agree. Having it out in the open was a balm and, when he was alone with his own thoughts later that night, his hands didn’t seek any distraction. Because they were going to see the rest of the tournament through on their own terms. Barthez be damned.

[inflammatoryfandomblog]

re: hollow knight story, and why it’s not amazing. finally beat pantheon 5 btw. bitch radiance.

now thinking about a very certain type of storytelling in video games--you know, the one launched into popularity by demon’s souls, where characters are basically vague and most of the lore is in item descriptions and environmental storytelling.

and like in a vacuum this isn’t weird--a lot of games have lore in item descriptions, a lot of games have environmental storytelling, a lot of games have very vague plots, but demon’s/dark souls was the popular game that really tied them together in a very satisfying way. because so much of the lore was hidden in item descriptions, loot and their locations meant something and told a story. the base game mechanics were contextualized, and the story was reinforced thematically by everything around it. dark souls, for example, was a story about trying to rekindle lost flames, whatever they might have been, and so much of the world an imagery was reinforced around that.

you were never 100% what the whole story was, and that was for good reason: miyazaki said he modeled the experience off when he would read fantasy books in english. so you get the gist of things but the details are lost for you to fill in. and there’s something really unique about that sort of experience--that ambiguity that sort of rekindles the way you used to read when you were a kid, because everything seems *bigger*, and there’s more yet to understand.

and i’m thinking about this because of a certain HIDDEN GEM INDIE GAME called hollow knight. a lot of people compared it to dark souls on release not really because of its gameplay, but also because of its approach to storytelling. characters talk in sort of cryptic ways, items have lore attached to them, etc. you can sort of go through the game without really understanding what’s going on besides “oh orange thing bad, gotta kill my bro and replace him!!”

it even has lore channels dedicated to trying to solve the backstory of the game, just like dark souls. but for a long time i knew there was something lacking in hollow knight’s story--and i think it’s the same thing that’s lacking, for example, in the stories of later FromSoft games: theming. Hollow Knight isn’t really thematically coherent, and the vagueness seems less like an artistic decision and more a result of how the game was developed (the devs developed the game in such a way that they could stop adding new areas at any time--so each area just seems like “yes this And This and This.”)

and, yes, it’s about something. the emotional core of the game lies in the relationship the player character has with their “brother.” easily the best scene in the game is the one in the abyss. “no cost too great” is a well-known quote for a reason. the pale king makes vessels expecting them to be perfectly hollow, but none of them really are. the pale king heartlessly makes a sacrifice, fails spectacularly, and hides away, his last moments spent trying to convince himself that he did the right thing. there’s something really satisfying about joining your siblings and using your combined might to defeat the radiance, rejecting your “purpose” to merely contain it.

but most of hollow knight doesn’t really reinforce that. instead you get “oh here were some people living here” and “here were some people living there.” the respawn mechanic isn’t really contextualized in a way that matters (contrast this with the souls series--losing your will was how you “turned hollow,” except that you have lingering regrets or something.) hollow knight, however, does contextualize your silent protagonist (vs. hornet in silksong who talks back to people): your character actually can’t speak because of the circumstances upon which they were created.

that’s not to say that hollow knight is about nothing. there is an attempt in there--hollow knight also seems to want to say something about holding onto the past.

(radiance wanted to be worshipped again. pale king wanted to found the last kingdom. you are constantly finding ruins build upon older kingdoms, etc etc. the world seems to be dying somehow--not a coincidence that you find the collector mold right outside the white palace; as she wants to preserve things, almost too obsessively, so too did the pale king.)

it’s there, but it lacks a certain artistry and je ne sais quoi that really makes you linger on something or think about something. the only reason you would care about the lore is really to fill a wiki--and that’s something i always thought was a shame, because hollow knight could have been a really special game if it had nailed its themes more coherently instead of throwing vague ideas at the wall and seeing what stuck.

i think silksong might have potential to be a better game, if they manage to get that right.

[teacherintransition]

I Got More Behind Me Than I Got in Front of Me

Muerte, décès, morte, tod, смерть, death!

Now, everyone in a good mood?

For over two years, I’ve been engaged in an ongoing exploration of my personal path of adjusting to changing my life in retirement and finding meaning in this new adventure. Without too much paraphrasing, I’ve come across folks who, when confronted with my choice, responded, “retirement… you’ll probably be dead in five years.” W …T …F? You think I’m kidding; but I kid you not gentle reader, there are people like that who roam our fair lands. You may feel such individuals deserve a beating, but listen as I tell that pity is probably the more appropriate response. It must be terrible to feel that the distraction of toil is the only thing keeping away the grim reaper.

There’s probably a number of reasons this uniquely American mindset exists: keeping up with the Jones’s, religious upbringing, trauma, the Puritan work ethic, guilt…etc.. I experienced that mindset…oh yes, I started working at the tender age of thirteen and worked every work day until my retirement at fifty four. Even as a teacher with sixty hour work weeks, I worked every summer until I shattered my leg in ‘06; I even ran theatre camps after that injury. I got my creds baby, oh yeah, I’ve put in the hours. So, what changed my perspective you ask? I dunno, a lot of things I guess. There was some serious questioning of my spiritual and world view that came from tragic events; there was the loss of some significant people in my life at an early age; and I guess I actually picked up some wisdom. Who’d have thunked that?

I cannot deny certain facts though, the big sleep gets ever closer …that’s a fact …Jack! You WILL begin to lose your cultural lodestones as you age. In just a week we lost Jeff Beck, Van Connor, David Crosby and Lisa Marie Presley. If you’re Gen X…it was an emotional kick in the gut! You realize that there are lot less fewer birthdays in your future than you’re in your past. I remember at the beginning of a summer break a few years ago, a friend and colleague commented how she hoped summers would last forever! I replied that I did love summer and if I was lucky I’d have about forty more of them. You would’ve thought I told her that Santa Clause wasn’t real! “OH MY GOD…how can you think that way? I’m so depressed now.” Hell, that’s just the way it is…what can you do? I understand the sentiment… it’s not an “oh boy” moment; and my religious upbringing did foster a terror of the final curtain.

Do I fear death? I used to a lot… now not so much. I’ve got a Buddhist, eastern vibe going on and that’s as much as I’ll say about that. Here, right now, how do I deal with the unavoidable shuffling off of this mortal coil? I’m about to get philosophical right now, so buckle up! I lost a good friend who drowned when we were ten; terrible fear and anxiety followed. Another friend died at nineteen …the fear and torment followed again. You know the routine; we are going to keep losing friends and family and if you’re not careful, each one will take joy away from you. You’ll get consumed with the unfairness of it. I quote from Clint Eastwood’s character, Will Munny, from The Unforgiven, “fair ain’t got nuthin to do with it.” Well, there you go, not much more to say after that. All we are left with a growing sense of impending doom? No, change your mind and your ass will follow. Our life is as long as it’s supposed to be. Don’t go to fairness, or being cheated, or that’s wrong… that’s a losing proposition dude. You might as well try to keep the tide back with a broom. What is …is.

What’s a bigger tragedy: dying at the age of nineteen or living to be eighty and everyday being an exercise in avoiding joy because of some indoctrinated fear? I know what I think. No one knows how many birthdays or Christmas’s you have left, so why the hell do we bother worrying about them. You have today, thats it compadre…just today. If you’re fifteen, all you have is today. If you’re eighty five, all you have is today. Try getting out of that one. With this late in life realization and with the knowledge I had financially prepared for myself and my family; I decided that whatever day was my last, it wouldn’t be spent workin’ for the man! That’s all I got for you …it’s what gets my by. Maybe because I’ve lost so many friends, family and heroes that my connection to this world has lessened…I’m sure that’s part of it. I mean who really wants to live forever? We have right now and if we’re lucky or smart, we have treasured people to spend it with while here. Don’t get tied down with the “what ifs” or “what about’s” …fill your heart with the what is. You can’t avoid the grim reaper, but you can punch him in the teeth when you see him. Have a great day!

[solaeter]

Hello ! May I request kamui and lee headcanons from pgr with a reader thats a bit of a tsundere? Tries to be tough on the outside but is really just afraid of being vulnerable,, if not that’s alright ! Please take care of yourself !

I'm slowly crawling out of the cave and getting back into writing! Hope you enjoy it!!

Warning[s]: Mentions of an injury, but not in detail Requests: OPEN | Rules | Masterlist 

Kamui

⤷Kamui admires how strong and tough you are, especially when the two of you get the spar in the training room!

⤷He doesn't seem to notice how you have a certain edge to your voice or how you may come off dismissive when he's a little too nice. It's just how he is! Kamui is a full blown fluff ball and he won't let you shrug him off without some persistence or you having to refer to Chrome to get him off your back.

⤷Though when you're alone, you appreciate every little moment and tender action Kamui shows you. It makes your chest warm and your cheeks flare as you think back over and over and over. You wished you could openly express yourself, but showing a side of you so small and vulnerable was out of the question! You were raised to not show weakness, so you refused to let Kamui in, even though you wanted to embrace all his advances with open arms.

⤷And it's when you take a nasty blow during a mission where you worked with the Strike Hawk team that your hard-built barrier cracks due to Kamui keeping you safe and checking on you afterwards. His voice is so gentle and more quiet than what it usually is and he looks so concerned that it has your heart thumping wildly as you suddenly forget you're injured. You try to deny his help of course, yet when Kamui pulled you into his arms, you never wanted to leave.

⤷But admitting such a thing would never happen! And you even scold him once you're treated, dismissing him once more. Kamui would usually laugh you off, joking with you before running off to pester someone else, but this time he doesn't budge.

⤷Instead Kamui takes a leap of faith, uncaring if you beat him up or tell him off and places a little ol kiss on your forehead, saying that he'd always be there for you even if you didn't want him to be.

○And that has you stunned, locked in place and at a total loss. Because no one has ever said something like that to you. He's slowly making his way past your barriers and even though it'll take a long time to finally see you at your most vulnerable, you do offer him a tender smile, one that hardly anyone gets to see and thank him for being so sweet.

⤷To Kamui, that's like winning the lottery.

Lee

⤷Lee is dense and doesn't really look at others' emotions at face value. Yeah he cares deeply for his comrades and family, but it doesn't mean he can tell if you are aggressive with him because you like him or dislike him.

⤷Of course, he'll match your attitude with his own dismissive sass and carry on with his day. But don't let that offend you! He just doesn't have a high interest in the act of love. Which you appreciate because it helps keep your walls up and stronger than ever.

⤷Though, Lee does notice that you get more aggressive with him than others. Does it bother him? Not really, but does he wonder why? Absolutely. It makes him wonder what he's done to get on your bad side?

⤷So he'd question you out of the blue after you finished training, arms crossed and that alarmingly calm expression adorning his beautiful features.

⤷You really don't know how to respond besides saying it's nothing personal, which Lee accepts with a huff. He does like you, so much and it takes a lot of willpower to keep from outwardly showing it. Like blushing and losing his way with words. So knowing that you don't necessarily hate him is a good thing!

⤷Though things seem to change after you come back from an assignment, eyes are void of your usual spunk and fire. You lost so much and yet came out victorious. You should be happy! Yet you want to crumble, shut yourself away from everyone and cry. But you don't, you muster a fake smile that doesn't reach your eyes and Lee corners you after your briefing.

⤷He's not one to hug, he gets unusually stiff but he tries for you! He pulls you into his arms and awkwardly pats your back, but to you..it's the most endearing thing you could have experienced in that moment. And he feels you break, your walls crumbling down as you sob and sob into his jacket.

⤷It's these moments where Lee freezes, unsure on how to comfort you. But he says he's here for you, that your burdens don't have to be yours alone if you'd just stop being difficult. His words stun you, distracting the pain that attacks your heart. Even though he's right, you still can't see yourself..more like allow yourself such a novelty. Being vulnerable only leads to more pain, but you thank him quietly.

○Lee knows you're a tough one to crack, just like him. But he'd do anything to help make your life a little easier even if you nag at him to stop.

[midnightsunnyday]

When With His Father, Diavolo Is A Lot More Stern, The Demon King, On The Other Hand...Part Seven (Final)

A/N: it’s the final conclusion for this series! Thank you all for sticking through it. This has been a fun headcanon to write. I wanted to write the Demon King in my own way, yet would love to see him one day in canon. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this series. Until the next one, stay safe everyone!

-----------------

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

-----------------

8:10 PM

Diavolo: before we leave, I suppose we should check up on the...oh.

*Mammon, head occupying the inside of a wall*

*Satan, buried under a bookshelf*

*Belphegor, sprawled out near a broken window*

*Solomon and Asmodeus, outside the window, knocked out and covered in glass*

*Leviathan, tangled on the chandelier*

*Beelzebub, torso jammed between a wooden chair*

Barbatos: Young Master, there you are.

Diavolo: let me guess, father threw yet another one of his tantrums after losing to Lucifer?

Barbatos: indeed.

Diavolo, looking around: though if anything, I'd say this party was an absolute success. This isn't half as bad as the damage he did last time.

Barbatos: Young Master, it is my deepest regret for not tending to you sooner. You were in pain, and I completely disregarded it for my majesty's sake. Had I only been more proactive, I could have prevented such a disaster. I am not worthy of being your butler. I will resign immediately.

Diavolo: well, I wouldn't say I was in pain, yet still, absolutely not! I will not allow you to resign!

Barbatos: but--

Diavolo: --you're my family, Barbatos. I couldn't possibly imagine you leaving my side, not now or ever. Without you I'm not sure what I'd do. So please, don't ever speak those words again.

Barbatos, blushing: Young Master I...thank you.

MC: aww.

Diavolo: now then, what to do about all this?

Barbatos: should we tend to everyone?

Diavolo: well, that depends. Father, are you still cognizant?

The Demon King, slumped over the couch: the fuck is a cognizant?

Diavolo: good. What say you, Lucifer?

Lucifer, flat on his back: where’s my MC? MC. MCCCCCC.

MC, sighing: what?

Lucifer: guess what IIIIII won?

MC: ....Me?

Lucifer, stretching out his arms: yaaaay. Now come...come give me a hug.

MC: no.

Lucifer, pouting: but I want one.

Diavolo: and what about the rest of you? Still holding on?

Everyone: *groans in pain*

Diavolo: well, I believe that settles it. Everyone's fine.

Leviathan: heeeelp.

Diavolo: just fine.

Barbatos: but Young Master--

Diavolo: --Barb, please. The last thing I need after an extensive therapeutic session is to be burdened with unneeded physical and emotional stress.

Barbatos: I beg your pardon?

MC: *clears throat* hi there, "certified" demonic counselor speaking. For the past 72 hours, Lord Diavolo has suffered through extensive psychological stress. Therefore, it is of my "professional opinion" that he, as we humans tend to say, "Fuck it."

Barbatos: I see. Though I am not certain of your qualifications, I do agree that the Young Master has been under a great deal more stress than usual. Though I must admit, this behavior is completely unlike him. Should I be concerned?

Diavolo: of course not. However, I've done nothing but run myself ragged trying to chase after my father. I think being a bit selfish for once won't harm anything. Besides, I'm sure they'll live, considering they're immortal, after all.

Barbatos: if that is what you wish, then I will oblige.

Diavolo: besides, I could really use something to eat.

MC: we still have some food in the kitchen, though it needs to be cooked.

Barbatos: then I will start immediately.

Diavolo: Barbatos, you truly are one of a kind.

Barbatos: and truly, I am humbled by your words.

MC, smiling: good grief.

-----------------

*a few days later*

Barbatos: and?

The Demon King: and that such actions are unbecoming of a king and…oh, come now, do I really need to say all this?

Barbatos: I believe you should, yes.

The Demon King: *rolls eyes* and that it is within my birthright to not only set the standard of what is expected of royalty but maintain it at all times. So in other words…sorry.

Barbatos: very good, Your Majesty.

MC: it’s cool. Also, I don’t mind visiting you at the castle. Just don’t put me in a collar, please.

The Demon King, blushing: very well, little human. I’ll try to compose myself from now on. The same goes for you, sorcerer. I hope the gifts my son provided you are to your liking.

Solomon: very much so, Your Highness. Pegasus blood is especially rare to come by and will do absolute wonders for my spell casting.

Diavolo: let's just hope we haven't sealed our fates with such a gift.

Solomon: rest assured you have nothing to worry about *whispers to MC* when my empire is built, you shall be the first spared.

MC: I call dibs on evil ruler.

Solomon: oh MC, that's the only fun kind of ruler there is.

Diavolo: I heard that.

Barbatos: is there anything you would like to add, Lucifer?

Lucifer, folding his arms: not in the slightest.

MC: please?

Lucifer: …I’m sorry for beating Your Highness at a drinking contest.

MC: and?

Lucifer: and for teasing Di—Diavolo…even if it was hilarious.

MC: that’s as good as it’s gonna get, huh?

Lucifer: I’m the Avatar of Pride. Not the Avatar of Apologizing.

Diavolo, sighing: good enough.

-----------------

*at the House of Lamentation*

Mammon: never again. Not for a million Grimm.

Leviathan: oh, so now you finally have standards.

Satan: crushed under the written word. An ironic fate indeed.

Belphegor: you doing alright there, Beel?

Beelzebub: so many splinters *shivers* I…don’t wanna talk about it.

Asmodeus: I can't believe I was knocked out a window. Thank goodness my perfect skin wasn't scratched or scarred. Poor Solomon, though. A fall like that would've broken every bone in his body...and it did! Good thing he knows magic.

Belphegor: though, isn’t this all technically MC’s fault?

Leviathan: hey, yeah! I can’t believe they just went off with Lord Diavolo and Barbatos and left us like that!

Mammon: I say we torture em’!

Asmodeus: ooh, how about we tie them up in pretty pink ribbons!

Mammon: and make em’ wear a cute, frilly outfit.

Asmodeus: with a tail!

Mammon: and those fluffy cat ears!

Satan: go on.

Belphegor: wait, what do any of those things have to do with torture?

Asmodeus and Mammon: torture what now?

Beelzebub, shaking his head: can we please just get some food and never speak of this moment ever again?

Mammon: and may we also never, ever, ever attend or throw another party for the Demon King.

Belphegor: agreed.

*text notification goes off*

Asmodeus: oh, Lucifer sent a message to the chat. It says, "All of you please make your way towards the castle. The king would like to...throw us an apology party."

Everyone: *groans*

Mammon: welp, spoke too soon. Yet think about it this way, at least we're immortal, right?

Leviathan: Mammon, shut up.