#the first lyric really resonates with me for some reason

[ravens-two]

PAC: Your First Time With Your Person 18+

This reading includes:

how your first time will be like w/ your person

where and how it might happen

The extended reading includes:

what you will think about it

what your person will think about it

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone. Also, this content is 18+ only!

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Emperor rx, Two of Pentacles rx, Tower, Chariot | Sun god

"Come all, come now; expand into the skies and into the shadows below."

Hi pile 1, the energy here is very very masculine and dominant. I feel like most of you will be the more submissive energy so I'm going to focus on that for the reading, but please switch it around if you feel like it applies better to you that way. Anyhow, there isn't any switching or "equality" here, this is straight up power exchange energy. You are giving in to your person, letting them do whatever they want with you, complete surrender. This isn't scary for you though, you are doing this because you trust them completely and know they will take care of you. Honestly, despite this whole power play thing (I'm even seeing some manhandling) the sex will be super loving. I truly don't see it being rough or your person calling you names or anything like that. It's like they want to make love to you, they want to make sure that every single one of your needs is taken care of, but they don't want you to lift a finger. Just lay there and let them make you feel good, basically. Ooof, your person isn't shy about what they want, pile 1.

I think that this might happen either during the day or you will go all night long until sunrise (I think that for most of you it's the later). I also get the feeling that this will happen during spring/summer, or on a nice weather day. For most of you this is also happening in a bedroom. The energy I'm getting is that you and your person will want complete privacy and knowing that you have the time to do whatever you two want. For a smaller part of you this might begin in the car and then you move to the bedroom. The energy here is very explosive, it's like at first you're not really sure if you want to do this now, but then all of a sudden you can't think about anything else. I think that you'll be trying to convince yourself not do it at first for whatever reason.

I can't stop hearing the song "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC, so this is some more confirmation that the sex is going to last awhile. Honestly, you should check out this song's lyrics if you aren't familiar, because I feel like it's totally the vibe of your first time with your person. They are crazy about you, pile 1, like crazy crazy. They have wanted to do this for a long time.

Also, let me warn you to make sure you're protected if you can get pregnant! Like, pregnancy is the energy here so be careful if that's a possibility for you. Not to be too explicit, but I'm also seeing a lot of fluids and playing with them, so make of that what you will. Also, if your person is a man he is BIG.

I think that some of you have like a daddy kink or authority figure kink and it's something that it will come into play as well. I think that they'll enjoy it very much as well. There's multiple orgasms here, and I think that you'll be coming very fast and very hard. It will be earth-shattering. For some of you I'm also seeing that the man might finish first - for some it might be a bit disappointing, but your person will make it up to you; for others though I think that it's because you're starting with oral first. Also, if you have breasts they love playing with your breasts, or maybe it's playing with nipples in general. But, yeah this will start with a lot of foreplay and then you guys will have multiple rounds.

Pile 2

Eight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Nine of Pentacles, Fool | Maiden

"Demand what is yours and take back what was taken. Reclaim until you've gathered all of you."

Pile 2, hi! The first thing I'm getting from this pile is that this will be your first time having sex. If this doesn't apply to you, it might be your first time having sex after a long pause or the first time having sex with someone of a certain gender, but if neither applies it might be that this pile isn't for you. I think that for most people this is about losing their virginity, though. No matter the case, I think that this will be really lovely. Your person will make you feel like a god/dess. There's a lot of passion here.

Just like pile 1, I think that this will happen in a "safe" setting, most likely in your bedroom or your person's bedroom. I think that this place has a feeling of luxury to it, even if it isn't exactly luxurious if that makes sense. Basically, it's very tidy, well organized, beautifully decorated, you feel welcome and relaxed in this place. I'm actually seeing a fur rug and throw blankets on a bed, so really comfy. I think that for most of you this isn't planned. I think that it just kind of happens that you have your person over or that you are at their place and then they do something that just makes you think "that's it, I need them". I get this feeling that you just suddenly realize how much you love and trust in this person so you try to initiate. I see you being a bit awkward at first, but you'll find your footing quickly. Before anything happens though I see you making out with your person and feeling each other up for a long time, then your person will ask you if you're really sure about that and then all hell breaks lose.

I think that you have a lot of pent up energy and desire and you want to get it out as quickly as possible, but your person will take over a little bit and slow you down. For one, they know that it might be a big mistake to rush you, but also they want to be thorough with it. This person wants to get to know every single inch of you, they want to know what you like, what you love, what you don't care for. They want to explore your body and consume you. It's like body worship really. It's like they don't want you to think about anything else, but their body on yours. (I also get the vibe that some of you are very anxious or over thinkers and your person really wants to make sure that you're grounded for once). I also get this vibe that your person thinks that you're a bit of a brat, in the best way possible though. I see them laughing as they say that.

Just like pile 1, please make sure to use protection if there's any possibility of a pregnancy. I think that there will be a lot of foreplay and you'll be having at least one or two orgasms before penetration (also if your person is a man I think that they're bigger than average). Your person really wants you to feel good. I don't see you having multiple rounds because I think that you're going to be exhausted pile 2. Maybe the next day, though. Afterwards you're just going to cuddle with your person and have some aftercare. And, also let me tell you that you person is amazing with aftercare they're just so loving and gentle, not wanting you to move a finger and making sure that you're completely taken care of. They may bring you some food and drinks and then tell you to take a nap.

I think that you'll be a bit transformed by this first time. It might be a bit different for everyone and that's why I can't really see how. But it will change the way you view yourself, your sexuality and even your person. I think that it will help you to bond even more with your person.

Pile 3

Lovers, Ten of Pentacles, Temperance, Queen of Pentacles | Self-worship

"My hands fold as I speak to the stars, watching as the sky holds its breath. It's in stillness that I find all that I am and all of divinity within me."

Pile 3, this is probably the most romantic pile here and honestly that's saying something because they've all been super sweet. But this is 100% old-fashioned romance. I can actually see it very clearly that you're going out with your person, maybe out to dinner at a fancy or fancier place and then going either to a hotel or to one of your places to continue the night. This is the only pile that I see going to a hotel actually. But, your person will give you flowers, I think that it will be red roses for most of you (a classic of course), but for others it will be a bit more personalized, like let's say that you love tulips then that's what your person will get you. I actually just heard that your person wants to wine you and dine you and in more than one way lmao. They're funny.

For this pile I think that you have been dating this person for a while, but you're taking things slow. I just get the feeling that you two really love each other - deeply - and you know each other well. This doesn't feel like something that would happen after two or three dates. You might actually know this person before you start dating too. Anyway, as I was saying this is old-fashioned romance. I see candles and rose petals on the bed. Some of you might actually start by taking a bath together or giving a massage to one another. I just see it being very sensual, but calm. You're not rushing here, you both clearly want this, but you know that you have time and it feels so much better to draw it out like this. You're like the third pile where I have to say this, but use protection if you can pregnant! Y'all are very fertile.

I think that you're going to start with oral, and for some of you there's even 69ing here. I'm also seeing lots of fluids here. Like, even your bodies are wet with sweat or from your bath or massage. But this feels very wet, let's put it like that. With the Lovers and Temperance here this is such more than sex for you guys. It's truly like two people becoming one, body and soul. I don't see you two talking much, it's like you don't need to, the connection between you two is so powerful and so deep it's almost magical. There's lots of hand-holding, gazing into each others eyes, holding each other close. It's so, so sweet. I think that you might tear up from emotion, from how much you love them. When it comes to positions I see you guys sitting, cowgirl and missionary. But, basically, it will be whatever can give you as much closeness as possible. I also see you person holding your face, like cradling your head and running their hands through your hair.

Honestly, this will be transcendental for you guys, you might even get like an out of body experience when you orgasm. It will be very very intense. I see some of you describing it as almost being a religious experience. I see that some of you will be squirting for the first time, so that might also be intense. This is just for a few of you I think, but you might have sex in front of a mirror or they might start it by touching you in front of a mirror. Almost being like "do you see how beautiful you are?", etc, that sort of thing. The aftercare will also be very sweet, and I see you being so in love with each other afterwards. Just talking and holding each other until you fall asleep.

Pile 4

Two of Swords, Knight of Pentacles, Four of Wands rx, Three of Wands | The lovers

"Love lulls all sorrow and bewitches flesh, mind and breath, reminding me that I am unafraid of the unfurling winds of my eternity."

Pile 4, this is the most negative pile out of them all. I'm really sorry for that. I would much prefer that they were all amazing and without any problems. I don't think that it's anything serious, but it will vary from person to person. Most of all, what I feel in this pile is anxiety and almost not feeling comfortable in your body. I think that some people here have sexual trauma, relationship trauma, or even body trauma. There might even have some eating disorders in this pile. No matter what it is and no matter the seriousness of the situation, it has left you uncomfortable with your body and with sex. So, I feel like most of you are going into this with a lot of anxiety. It's almost like you want this but you don't at the same time. I'm getting a very specific message that it's only meant for a couple of you: you might have sex with a stranger or hook-up with someone (basically something you wouldn't normally do) just to prove to yourself that you can. It's almost like you're trying to do exposure therapy to yourself. Now, I'm not saying if it's right or wrong, it's not my place to judge really, but just be careful.

For most of you though, this is happening with a partner. I think that you're going to be a bit unsure at the beginning, you want to want it, but you're not really there yet. Your partner is going to be incredible here, because they're going to move really slowly to get you as comfortable as possible and stopping to see if you're alright. I see them showering you with affection and basically praising you to the heavens. They're going to be super careful with touching you, up to a point where it almost annoys you and then you start to become more active let's say. I think that you're going to take charge of the situation at a certain point and guide your partner on how you need it. And honestly I think that they're very much into it.

Throughout the whole thing you're a bit self-conscious. I think that you might be suffering from low self-esteem and you're not entirely comfortable with your body and how you look. This might mean that you have sex basically in the dark, with very little light to make you comfortable. I don't think that this is happening in your house, so that adds a little bit to your anxiety, because you're in an unfamiliar place. I can't get much more information about it, it's almost like your person is trying to protect you and your privacy which is really sweet.

However, I see that you will be left very satisfied at the end lol. Not only that though, you will be feeling much more confident in yourself and your sexuality. I'm seeing you feeling so sexy at the end. It's probably because of your partner too. They'll be like "do you see what you did to me?" and completely disheveled, and you'll be like "oh shit". This will be a turning point for you. I'm really happy for you, pile 4! When it comes to your relationship it will also be taking it to the next level, not just intimacy-wise, but also in the trust that you have in each other.

[tuliptic]

What Is My Purpose Here On This Land

This is for all, but especially for those with existential crises. We’ve wondered what we are meant to do, do we have a purpose being on this planet, and many more questions continue to feed our brains. 

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What messages does your weary heart need to hear? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1    -     Pile 2

Pile 3    -     Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck  (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Flower Petals Oracle Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1: The Rose

A card to represent you: The Chariot

One funny thing when I was shuffling this deck was that this card came out tumbling. It was like.. Upright, reverse, upright again. I’m taking this as a sign. You like taking the wheel. You’ve been through the ups and downs as you journey ahead, sometimes lacking direction, learning self-discipline throughout the process, learning the importance of strength and will, finding balance, and driving to where you are right now. There’s this determination that you’ve gained from past experience, and you’re still driving ahead. A word of advice is to be aware of your own focus level, and to take a rest when you’re tired. The journey of life ahead is long, and it’s always alright to take a break now and then. For some reason, I also feel some of you may be travelling right now, or intend to travel in the future. Make sure to prepare a proper itinerary and have emergency numbers saved! 

1. What is my role here on earth? - The High Priestess

First word I’m picking up is healing. You’re the person who answers to the cries of help, being the Universe’s hands in providing aid to those who pray for it, to be that gentle beauty without losing your thorns. You’re called to be the healing energy, to be the kindness that people need but may or may not deserve. Not to put a burden on you, but you probably tend to be kind and subconsciously heal or watch over those who need your help, even strangers, and even people who do not deserve those kindness. (There’s this nagging behind my head that reminds me of the people in Gotham who did nothing yet yells for help/salvation, instead of fighting and protecting their “loved” ones.)

2. Have I achieved it? - The Fool

You’re only starting on this journey. Or maybe have yet to start on this journey. You probably realised this uhhh ability of yours very recently, or have only decided to really start doing something on it. See, realising this ability/skill doesn’t mean you have to do something about it. You may realise your skill for art but not continue cultivating that skill. It’s the same. You’ve probably stopped all those questions and try to take out that first step to do it. You’re killing your doubt step by step, betting in yourself and trusting in yourself to do something entirely new. (Yes, ITZY’s Bet On Me is playing as I write this.)

3. How to achieve it? - The Sun

There are so many things embodied in this card: brightness, hope, ray of hope, and more to come. What I’m feeling from this is mainly warmth, asking you to just be this Sun, to shine just as you are. It’s gonna sound weird but imagine healing rays? I’m cringing and having a weird face as I type this out. But yeah, just be who you are, to continue doing what you do. Just know that your presence is like a walking energy-purifier, lifting up the spirits even by smiling to strangers or wishing them a good day. You can attempt to try doing something else, for example, being more active in volunteer work in nursing homes and shelters, playing a part in activist activities, or even taking up counselling courses to help people out. These are only some of the many ways that are available. Most importantly is that you do kindness with kindness, not to have any ulterior motives behind them.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Seven of Wands rx

The world is changing, more and more people are experiencing a feeling of defeat and overwhelmingness, including you. All are called to make a change, and this is your part in the pledge to make a change. We have arrived at a time of change, and actions need to be taken. People have been fighting among themselves, you may even have been having conflicting thoughts and contradicting beliefs. Peace has been taken away, and instead of fighting to get back that same peace, it’s time to recreate a new peace that will work for this new world. A new structure is needed, and you’re one of those first few people who are tasked to build things anew again.

5. What can I learn from it? - King of Pentacles rx

What you’ll be learning is not only based on what you’ve experienced, but from what you’ve observed. You saw the fall of those who have been obsessed with earthly riches, those who have been paying attention to the materialistic realm, and have forgotten to nourish their soul and mental energy. The downfall was harsh and painful, reminding you that balance is needed in every aspect. From there, you’re gonna continue spreading kindness, letting the scars of the past be a reminder of what has happened, and how you’re gonna redirect the course of your energy.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Knight of Pentacles rx

Self-discipline will take you to a lot of places, and will also be able to take you to places that you thought you never would’ve reached. This gift of yours, this purpose of your is not to let you be more spiritual, but to be more down to earth. You’re supposed to be the bridge between the spiritual themes with the practical, existing world we’re living in right now.  From this, you’ll also be able to get connected to your roots, your family, your ancestry, even get connected to your race. I hope I do not get into trouble with how I phrase myself here hshshs. But y’know how colonialism has affected a lot of things, like religion and even language. I don’t quite remember where I heard it, but Tagalog or Filipino, languages of the Philippines, have Spanish influence in it. Or how Christianity kinda replaced the other folk religions with how it’s being brought in. So yeah, you’ll need to do the dissection to find out which was the original, which you wanna connect with. You define your own roots, and you take charge of it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Tower

Whilst you dream, you clear your mind of all negativity and your spirit will be refreshed. With that, you’ll charge ahead, doing everything you can until you feel that you’ve changed the world. It sounds really idealistic, but if you need to remember the catastrophic energy that The Tower brings. The change is not gonna be small, and you can’t do it alone. You’ll work ahead, without knowing how long it’ll take. You then make friends on the way, working towards the same goal but with different tasks, slowly but steadily paving and painting a new path. Just like the straw that breaks the camel’s back, your tiniest effort shatters the restrictive and unhelpful rules that were oppressing the people.  That’s what you’re meant to be, that’s what you can achieve. But I need to remind you that this self-fulfilment level differs for everyone. One can feel content by doing small things, while some want the satisfaction that comes with doing great things. They are all valid and powerful acts in their own ways, and no one can deny the effort and effect that comes with it.

Overall energy: The Fool, Ace of Pentacles

Overall, you’re called to take actions to start a new chapter of your life. You’re the main character of your own story, you’re the one who decides how you want to paint your journey. However, whatever that you’re intending to do, remember to not do it alone. A solo trip is fun, but a journey? It’s best to have people joining your cause to support each other. Remember that there are other animals in The Fool, cuz one is  a guide and the other is a guard/support. The energy of rebirth and transformation comes heavily in this pile, and sometimes, it can destroy you in the process. Proceed with caution and with faith. We are praying for you as you travel.

.

.

.

Pile 2: The Mirror

A card to represent you: The Sun

You attempt to be a person to bring warmth to people around you. The Sun shines warm lights, and that’s something you enjoy as well. But sometimes, when anger gets hold of you, you tend to burn people around you, accidentally or on purpose. You don’t really use the reason “I didn’t mean to”, because if you injure people, you totally mean it. It’s probably due to them crossing your boundaries repeatedly, and you didn’t want to hold back any longer. But still, the card wants to remind you of who you wanted to be. Do not let anger cloud the true you. Let out that anger at the right person, and go back to who you are, the warm and accepting you.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Judgement rx

I don’t really wanna use the word here but you’re called to learn the karmic lessons in the past, may it be the current past or your past lives. There are times that you hold on to your values, yet the world continues to challenge you, which may have made you question what is the meaning of you being here, what do you need to do to get out of this cycle of unfairness. Instead of fighting it, it’s time for you to discard the mask of pride that you’ve been wearing, and accept that unfairness is a part of life that you need to go through. Once there's acceptance, you can build a new structure (structure on how you go through problems, or building up new values or habits, or anything else that can help you). Humility is what you need. And stay away from humiliation. These are two very different things. People taking credit over what you do is… Something you need to be aware of. But. If there are people out there who take credit over what you do yet accuse you of copying or shit like that? Fight.

2. Have I achieved it? - Seven of Pentacles

This is something that will take long to achieve it, but you’re still on the way. You probably have noticed this… Thing? That things have been unfair and that it is too tiring to live, and you’re somehow somewhat struggling through life. Sure, there are times that are fun, but you know that fun does not last long and once it’s time, you continue crashing the waves and pressure life gives you.  You feel like you’ve been doing this forever, and things just don’t seem that they are turning better. Have faith that it will. Belief is a skill that comes with birth, you just need to hold on to it, believing that things will resolve in the end. Which it will. The struggles will become lighter eventually, because hard work and effort pays off.

3. How to achieve it? - The Magician rx

There are some other untapped talents in you, and it’s time for you to unlock them. You need to be able to find them and develop them. It’s not something you can easily access to, but it’s something you’ll need to practise and to get good at, and then to use them wisely. This untapped skill of yours may be something spiritually related, with you standing in between humanity and spirituality. You need to be aware to not fall into people’s traps, and to make sure that you do not manipulate others in the process. I feel that this pile may have some talents or skills in manipulation and deception (either you’re aware or not), but you can choose to not do so. Remember, if you choose to do so, there will be more things that you’ll lose. The Magician talks about alchemy, where you use one thing to exchange for another of equal value. 

4. Why do I need to do it? - Nine of Wands

There’s a resilience that you need to learn, encouraging you to pay attention to your rights, believe in yourself and defend your position or property. It is time to gather your experiences and life lessons, to reflect on what life has shown you. There’s this hint of spirituality that you’re also called to evaluate - to see what it has to offer in your life, to see how you can use this to make it another life lesson/asset of yours. You need to remember that the process of learning can be difficult and challenging, but you can also make it fun, make it lighter. Unlike in school, where you learn without passion (for most people), you are now learning new things because you’re interested in it. So yeah, learn through playing and experimenting, celebrate each growth and resilience you’ve unlocked. I hope I’m making sense here.

5. What can I learn from it? - Four of Cups

I doubt that many who pick this pile are happy with meditation, but this is one thing you’ll be learning. There’s a need to reevaluate yourself, and realigning values within you. I’m having some difficulties in forming my words, because it feels like your pile already knows about this, but in some sense, refuse to do this, refuse to acknowledge this. You’ve probably heard a lot of this kinda talk, where you need to do this and that to achieve that enlightenment. You really didn’t like that, and you still don’t like it.  Yet, this is needed. You need to go through a long while of silence, a time of reflection, to make changes and to be reborn again. It’s difficult, you may cry again and again, because you’ve been in darkness for so long, slowly giving up on whatever ways are out there. Know that it can’t be any darker than this, and it’s also a chance for you to recognise light, and to embrace that light.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Five of Cups rx

You have to accept pain has been crucial in your growth, and walk away from it. It’s time for you to move on, and you’ll find yourself to be more… Accepting? Acceptance is a huge theme in your reading, where you acknowledge that this has happened, and you accept it, and then move on with life. As long as you accept something has happened, that weight will be slowly lifted away from your shoulders. You won’t be able to move when you’ve been crushed by all those unhappiness (or even happiness) that you’ve been holding onto. Focus on wholeness, learn how to take things up and put them down, continue on with the journey of letting go.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Hierophant

The Hierophant is often related to religion, and it being paired with spirituality speaks even more so. I’m not saying that achieving enlightenment (don’t mistake it with the Buddhist term, please) IS fulfilling for you, but it is one step to achieve what you wanted - release. Life’s burdens have been pulling this pile down, and what you want the most is release, release from responsibilities; release from fears; release from expectations; release from this endless cycle that has been trapping you. You’ll need to invite in a new thought to be released from what has been tying you down, and it’s time for you to be reborn again.

Overall energy: The Lovers, Eight of Cups

There are times where you need to make decisions between two choices that were offered to you. Oftentimes, you want to pick neither, but life decides it for you anyways. Either paths will lead you to where you’re meant to go, so why not stand still for now and listen to your life? Looking at it may be distracting, as there are a lot of worries and neon lights around. Make a cup of drink, sit down, put on your earphones and play some soft music. You might be able to hear something.  One thing I have to mention is that there’s a heavy Pluto and karmic energy I’m sensing from here. It’s like… A huge circle, a cycle, where things happen again and again. You’ll need time (and a lot of time) to complete this cycle, only then you can break free from there. Some may feel dejected, but do remember that every step you’re taking right now is bringing you closer to the end. The Mirror is also here for you to reflect, to see who you are, and to see who you are Inside.  Make this promise that you’ll be kind to yourself, appreciate each step that you’re taking and celebrate the small wins.

.

.

.

Pile 3:  The Key

A card to represent you: The World

This pile is giving me a very comforting and secured energy. Paired with this card, those who picked this pile may have completed a project, or have achieved one of their goals in life, or are close to closing an existing project with success. You may also be one of the fixed signs (Aquarius, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio) or have them in your personal planets.  Another thing I’m picking up is that some of you may be looking out for new projects to start when you haven’t reached the end of the current project. Take a step back, do not rush into things quickly. Sure, an end speaks of a new beginning, but you need time to plan a proper project and to recuperate from the exhaustion of the previous project.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Three of Swords rx

I’m seeing more of a guide here. You have been through difficulties in life, and from those, you’ve gained experiences, insights, knowledge and wisdom. With that, you’re tasked to guide the rest who are going through a hard time this round. It’s difficult because kindness isn’t something everyone is equipped with, and for you, especially, you may find it a lil bitter. This is where you challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, to try something that you’ve never thought of, or even detest. But you gotta do it as the path you step on is the road to growth and illumination.

2. Have I achieved it? - Knight of Wands

You're charging towards it, albeit a lil reckless. You do have the passion in it, and you’re more than willing to be the change, even wishing that the change is something that can change the world. You can’t wait to experience the storm and thunder, wanting to feel the same scale of impact.  However, you need to remember that passion can dissipate quickly, like how it started. There might be transits in your life, maybe Mars is transiting one of your personal planets right now, which gives you that impulse of wanting to achieve something. You are in control of your response, but the actions of other people and events are not. Do not be dejected when people reject you, but continue ahead without that recklessness.

3. How to achieve it? - Ten of Swords

You will be able to achieve it by going through defeats. You’re one who learns through actual defeats, the pain, remembering the falls of life through your body and soul. From there, only then you can compile those you’ve learnt and observed into a book, for your own and other’s references. At this phase, you may feel pulled between one path or another, and pushed to make a decision. It can be quite tense, but don’t avoid it. These tense situations build your strength, getting you ready to fly. Do not bend; do not submit defeat, continue ahead to chase after your ideals. Let that resolution and will to be your light.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Two of Wands rx

There’s a fear in you, not knowing what you are meant to achieve. This could be a personal goal for you to focus throughout your lifetime, building yourself up, giving you an unnamed courage to find your inner power. I feel that you may have subconsciously (or maybe consciously) compared yourself to people around you, wondering where in life you are, what you’re meant to do. To counter that, you need to set a personal goal, to have some sort of inner alignment, and figure out what you want to achieve. Do you want to appear as a confidant people turn to? Are you keen on sharing thoughts and experiences to make people’s lives a lil bit easier? Try taking a notebook and writing your goals down, and see what you need to do, or what you should stop doing to achieve that. It’s time that you activate a certain switch in you to be that fire (either to warm or to destroy. It’s up to you).

5. What can I learn from it? - The Hierophant, Ace of Pentacles

I feel that you may be even able to start something, maybe a support group or a club, especially in a religious context. There’s some form of finances involved in it, so yeah, maybe a support group where you guide others, and others guide the others, and let the leaves of the tree expand. Finances will be involved in terms that there are donations coming in, which you may use to assist those who are financially needy.  You’ll be able to accept this new side of yours, and be more willing to reach out your hands because you could physically see how this chain of kindness continues on, holding on more hope that things can actually change for the better.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Judgement

It is time for you to reevaluate your life, what meanings you want to fix to your life. There may be a calling to change your life or open your heart to new possibilities, to new responsibilities or a new field of work. The horn in this card symbolises that there may be a wake-up call from the world around you, telling you that it’s time to stop being in your head, to see the world for who it is, and how you’re supposed to make changes, or answer to those changes. Change can refer to something tangible and immediate, or the whole way one sees life. In fact, you may have already changed without realising it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Five of Cups rx

There’s a release from pain and suffering. The pain and suffering does not necessarily mean something physical, but something that’s more on a spiritual level. Y’know how sometimes one can feel… Empty and blank? That. That is actually suffering on a spiritual level, because you have no direction, no guidance, and sometimes that could feel suffocating. Some out there could just go along with life even though they have no idea what to do, and it’s cuz their direction of life is to go along with what the journey has to offer. What you’re doing right now is just standing there and looking blankly to where your eyes are looking, which increases the weight in your chest and legs.  Through this, you’ll be able to find a proper direction and the awakening that comes with it will elevate you. Walking again after you’ve been standing so long will be uncomfortable at first, but take small and steady steps. You’ll find yourself running again soon.

Overall energy: The Star, Four of Swords

This reading talks about hope and rest, and how they come hand in hand. I felt a weight on my chest as I was typing the self-fulfilment part, because of how heavy the desperation and feeling of loss is. Know that The Star is shining a gentle ray of hope, consoling you that things will be better. The Star may not be visible all the time, especially in the daylight. But know that she is always there, and you can hear her whispers in the night, when you think you’re about to fall. Be kind to yourself and share your beauty as well as knowledge with those around you. But remember to take rests as well. You can’t afford to do much when you’re having a burnout. It’s alright to fall, but remember to rest and stand up again. Your passion is your greatest drive, go for it.

.

.

.

Pile 4: The Word

A card to represent you: The Magician rx

I feel like you’re currently standing in the middle of two different things, two very different and distinct fields (like science vs arts, realism vs spirituality), not knowing where to head to. There’s some sort of pull from both of them and you’re feeling very, very torn.  However, remember that the Magician is someone that has a lot of skills, and has been acting as the bridge between the physical plane and the spiritual realm for a long time. You, also, have the skills to bridge between the various fields/things that are scattered across. As the bridge, you can see the connecting and overlapping points, and you can build out from there. You honour differences and expand.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Two of Swords rx

Your role is to take out the blinds that were covering the people’s eyes, including yours. You are called to stop them from hiding or shying away from the truth, making them see what is the truth, calling them to face reality. For some reason, I feel that you may have not been very liked at home due to this nature. Your parents may think that their reputation or status as parents should not be challenged, but you couldn’t care less about it. What you cared about was that justice and truth be upheld, and you won’t hesitate to rip anyone apart if they tried saying otherwise. This, in turn, has created quite a huge confrontation when you were growing up. But are you stopping there? No. You will continue your role of wake up call, but only once or twice. You’ve understood that there are always people out there who want to run away from the truth, and you’re not gonna waste your effort and time on them.

2. Have I achieved it? - The Chariot rx

You’re currently in a fallback. You took a step back to look at the options available and to reevaluate the situation. You realise that you were having a narrow goal and vision tunnel, which will cost a lot of meaningless sacrifice. You may have thought that it was okay to let your horses run without holding the reins, but now is not the time. You’re now evaluating and weighing the pros and cons, which are the items that you want to invest your time and energy on, finding out where your passion lies. A word of advice: Do not be afraid to try multiple things. Nothing is fixed in stone. Just like you may discover a new favourite dish later, you may also discover a new skill that is useful.

3. How to achieve it? - Page of Cups rx

First of all, you need to kill your doubts and fears. Fear is one main thing that’s stopping you from trying new things in different fields. There are always new things out there waiting for you to try, there are new opportunities that can’t wait to come to you. Being protective of your own energy is important, but you need to get out at times, to talk to people, to learn their ideas and train of thoughts, to see things from their point of view. This way, instead of tearing down the blinds covering their eyes, you’ll be able to verbally convince them to take the blinds down themselves, which is a much gentler way. Be honest and true, even to your fears. Accept them, and they might reward you with something special.

4. Why do I need to do it? - The Fool rx, Knight of Pentacles

I’m seeing some form of heavy responsibility here. You are not tasked to enjoy or to have fun, but to be like a defender, a protector, even a fighter or truth. Unlike The Fool, who goes on new journeys having fun, you are stationed at a place, guarding the gates, making sure those who enter are those who have earned it. This responsibility is not randomly placed on people, but it chooses those who vow to bear witness to the truth. Obligation is a word that’s also relevant here, where you’re also willing to bear this duty. Not sure if you’re doing this because you want the truth to be known or you just wanna spite people by forcing them to look at their wounds. It’s all up to you.

5. What can I learn from it? - Page of Wands

It’s like… A stone egg hatching. You thought that it was a stone, from its rough and hard exterior. But in reality, it’s actually a dragon egg. You learn that miracles happen in various forms, and that one really needs to think of the various possibilities and potentials you hold, even the ones that sound impossible. It’s alright to fail, it’s alright to fall, as long as you continue to climb up and attempt, you’ll be able to see the glory that’s arriving your way. Glory is a huge word but it is what it is. Stop losing focus and get that glory in your hands.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Eight of Pentacles

You can transform into a gem by polishing and honing your skills. If I were to compare and describe, I’d say that you’re a jade as compared to other stones out there. It takes a skilled master to recognize the green under the hard and dusty exterior. Now, you’re that skilled master, and you’re gonna trim and polish the rock to reveal the gentle green in it. It can only be done little by little, and repeating the process until you see that gleam of green. And that’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna polish your skills day by day, night by night. Repetition of the task can sound mundane but that’s needed for you to be able to gain precision. This precision can be used in a lot of places, such as knowing the fine line of breaking the truth harshly or choosing to not say a single thing. Sometimes, people have their pride, and that precision will be able to help you to observe which line to cut, where to stop.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Ten of Swords rx

Through this, I’d say that you’ll be able to let go of the past hurt that you have. There is a lot of anger and pain, especially when you recall how you were treated unfairly. You weren’t in the wrong, but you still get attacked. Now, you’ve learnt how to see things from their side and handle them properly, you’re now able to move on from that anger. It’s difficult, but at least, that chapter of your life is ending. You can close that book, and move on to the second book of your trilogy. Life’s a journey, make the rest of it worthwhile.

Overall energy: The Star, Seven of Cups (Strength hidden behind that keeps wanting to show up)

The Word in this picture is Love. Redirect that love to yourself, allow hope to shine on you, and accept that gleam of hope. Opportunities are coming, but you need to learn how to differentiate them from the illusions or wishful thinkings you’ve made. Fret not, you have the strength, the power to discern them according to your inner code of morale. You have what it takes, so practice courage each day. There’s a new you in the future that’s waiting for you. They seem eager, and prepared to take you onto a new journey, to see the new sceneries that come along with it.

.

.

.

Thank you for reading!

[sheenashifts1217]

Pick a Pile No.1

Welcome to my first Pick a Pile :)

This is a collective reading so it may resonate more for some than others. Take what helps you and leave what doesn’t. 💗

If you’d like a personal reading, I currently have a deal in my shop for a free five song channeled playlist with any purchase of an s/o reading. Check my pinned post for more details.😊

What Advice Will Aid Your Shifting Journey

Choose pile 1, 2, or 3

Take a breath and simply pick the one you feel most drawn to.

(Top left pile 1, top right pile 2, bottom pile 3)

Pile 1

Lyrics standing out:

“You b**** ain’t like me

Dance in the breeze

A man with the sleaze

Stop it, get another topic

I got the nerve

And I block it

You’re a brat

Cause I never repeat

Do what I say like Simon

I’m a VIP

Sorry I’m pretty and easy to hate”

Okay pile 1, I SEE YOU GUYS!!! 💅🏼 This pile is short and sweet because you all know what you need, self aware queens. You all know your power, and as you should. For those of you in this pile who really know your power, own it more, step into it, actually practice it.

It feels like you all know what you need to do and you know you can shift, you’re just being lazy. PUT THE WORK IN. But frl, it seems like you guys really just need to set some time aside to focus on shifting and your DR because you know what to do, you just feel too busy. It’s okay to take a breath. Some of you all in this pile may also be rushing yourself. Allow yourself to accept what your experiencing and just let it flow. It’s already yours, you already have all of your desires.

Overall, pile 1, you guys are baddies whether you know it or not. Step into that power, own it, and use it. Make time for yourself and slow down a little. You don’t have to experience everything at the same time, that’s why you have a life, spend it.

Confirmation: 222, 444, Aquarius, ford mustang, hot pink, purple number 4, Elmo?, Sesame Street, Disney, neon green nails

Pile 2

Lyrics standing out:

“Trying to cover up my face

Try and stay calm

Something missing

I think looks wrong

When pretty isn’t pretty enough

What do you do?

I could change up my body and change up my face

You can win the battle

Insecure

Try to ignore it

I don’t know why I even try (I see the starfish position)

Just feel like sh*** over and over again”

Hi pile 2! You guys are giving me 2020 shiftok vibes. A lot of you probably started to practice shifting around 2019/2020 and were fed a lot of misinformation and now you feel like that is stopping you, but it doesn’t have to, let that go. You are in charge of your own reality so take that misinformation and use it as a learning experience. Don’t be discouraged because it was false or didn’t work for you, that’s good because now you’re one step closer to knowing yourself and what does work for you!

You may be a person that is on social media a lot in general or just hyperaware of others lives and you’re comparing yourself to them. STOP IT. Everyone’s experience is their own. When you see someone else’s success or experience, you don’t know what went down before that. Focus on yourself and what is meant for you, will happen. Accept it and take charge of it. You may be one who relies on others success for your own motivation as well, this is your sign to rely on yourself. Connect with your higher self and trust your intuition.

Keep going pile 2! You guys have put in time and energy this far, what’s a little longer? Your efforts are not in vain. You’ve got this. Trust yourself!

Confirmation: tiktok, iPhone, 13, dodge, dodgers, football, Dallas cowboy cheerleaders, red white & blue, Olympics, gymnastics, toe nails, 12

Pile 3

Lyrics standing out:

“Light headed

For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me

And too confused who I should be

In a big old world

We’re so alike

When I cross that line

It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body they stuck me in

Am I pretty enough to lie to you

Let me be the void you fill

I am quantum physics

My witness brings me to existence

So I can be your girlfriend boyfriend”

Hello my lovely pile 3! You all feel trapped either in your bodies or just to this reality in general. You have put shifting to your DR on a pedestal or even a part of you doesn’t want to accept that it’s real because you may not feel worthy. Remind yourself that you are constant, flowing energy.

Some of you have been so focused on “finding yourself”, that instead you have used the 3D to define who you are in the 4D. Make the two align.

Try to focus more on the “what” of shifting, instead of the “how”. Feel those connections and emotions you have in your DR. Maybe focus on one in particular that is important to you. Focus on one DR at a time. You have overwhelmed yourself with the thoughts of wanting to shift and being everywhere at once. Take your time and enjoy your CR as well. Shifting is an act and a journey, it’s real life, so make sure you’re still taking care of yourself.

In summary, you are more than your body. You are your thoughts and emotions and your actions, your love and energy you spread. Own that energy and use it for your benefit. Focus on who you are and what it is you want. Try to have a clear idea of that, then connect to it. Once you feel that connection, that’s it. Congratulations it’s now yours. Forget the 3D and just know it’s already yours.

Confirmation: red, Taylor Swift, (Taylor’s version), reputation, Niall Horan, train, Liam Payn, 2222, lock and key, hearts, stars, moon, “go piss girl”, dress to impress

[batslime]

Re-examining Hunter’s Moon after Rite Here Rite Now

For quite some time now Terzo’s resurrection and people’s excessive speculation and desperation for it has been a meme. When Hunter’s Moon came out, many interpreted it as being from Papa Emeritus III’s perspective- his warning to Sister Imperator that he would be back, and likely for revenge.

Rite Here Rite Now may have lent this some credence. Or you can consider this a jumble of more desperate speculative nonsense. This is all just for fun.

WARNING for heavy Rite Here Rite Now spoilers‼️

First things first: the major events of Rite Here Rite Now.

Copia, now Brother Imperator, is alive and now the head of the ministry. Sister Imperator has died. Copia has a twin, who may or may not be the “new guy” we see the mitre-wearing silhouette of in the very last shot of the film, cut off just before making his entrance.

Secondly, to get it out of the way- this may NOT be Terzo. This could very well be a whole new character! But here is my observation looking at all this in conjunction with Hunter’s Moon and other recent Ghost tidbits.

First, Hunter’s Moon. People have talked since it first came out about it possibly being from Terzo’s perspective and as a threat that he’s coming back for revenge. But now some of the lyrics resonate a little heavier with the lore.

Specifically the line “to where we’d hide as children” REALLY grabs my attention now. My mind goes back to the shot from behind of the two children running together in RHRN, inferably Copia and whoever the twin is (we are assuming Terzo for the sake of this theory). Again, this could be a character we haven’t been introduced to- but we have no reason to believe Copia’s twin died and the lyrics implies somebody coming back from the dead with the second verse. “It’s been a long time coming” rings especially true for Terzo because now it’s been YEARS since he was killed and even longer since he was dragged offstage. The lyrics about being jaded and not remembering everything could even be about him being dead for so long that it’s effected his memory- maybe he even forgot his own identity and that he even was Papa, hence him coming back as a “new guy”?

I’d also like to bring attention to the bridge. I know not everybody has seen a translation for it.

More lyrics about hiding. Hiding in the cemetery in the verses, death, life, Sister, hiding, and conquering in the bridge. There are people who saw Terzo’s foot twitch in Chapter 3 while he was being embalmed and wondered if he was dead at all. I really believe this was just something for comedic effect but what if he was hiding somehow the whole time?

Even if we push aside all other characters and theories, “your death, my life” specifically ties this song to the lore for me. Sister died so that Copia could go on and rise to a new level in the clergy. But I have also already seen people talking about Sister’s death meaning Terzo coming back to life in the case that he is also her son.

But Hunter’s Moon isn’t the only thing I’m seeing connections to since seeing the movie.

At the end of the film as we see Copia as Brother Imperator for the first time, in his new garb, preparing to welcome New Guy, the first thing he says,

“We seem to have remodeled here.”

They were remodeling in the Escape the Ministry game.

ETM gives us the tidbit that the statues introduced in the renovation are believed by some (in-world) to be a kind of conduit you can use to summon a Papa’s spirit to the mortal plane (and we know that Nihil’s spirit can posess his body, albeit temporarily ). While the statues of Primo, Secondo, and Nihil have notes that talk about what music they like or enjoying watching tv, Terzo’s specifies of all things that there was no autopsy on his body.

Also worth mentioning; there is still an empty pedestal meant for a statue (is Sister getting one?)

And in the room behind Terzo’s statue, is a bunch of nooses. Each room has something to do with one of the songs on the Phantomime EP, this one being Hanging Around, but this note was also in there any wasn’t really used in any of the puzzles in the game.

Primo’s note does specify that they were “forced into retirement from life” by Sister, Nihil, and The Clergy. Sounds like a revenge list to me!

(I also cannot help but point out that in the shot of Copia mentioning the remodel, there is vibrant purple lighting behind him like in Terzo’s chasuble.)

There’s also the gag with Copia being surrounded by Ghosts and talking to them but the janitor comes down the hall and cannot hear or see them. Is being able to sense the ghosts an Emeritus thing? Something higher members of the clergy, maybe with higher powers can do? Can ghosts control who can see or hear them? If the other three Papas do have ghosts, this could be why we haven’t seen them at all- they view most of the people in the ministry as their traitors and murderers. So maybe they really ARE hiding somewhere.

One last thing I will bring up, and this is PURELY rumor, but I did hear that there was chatter at Download about a possible fall tour from Ghost.

The Hunter’s Moon this year will be Thursday, October 17th.

Of course this is all just for fun and it may not mean anything at the end of the day! The ghovie and its sudden end left us all with a lot of excitement for more so my mind has been running ever since I saw it. There is definitely stuff that is becoming more tangibly tied to the actual plot of Ghost in my opinion.

If you guys have anything to add or a different theory I’d love to hear it!

@fagdykemuppet

[a-game-of-beginnings]

432 and Fools Garden

OH, hi @xmangokun, thanks for your comment on Into The Vortex and that's so great you've associated Fools Garden with 432 before! This reminded me that I never posted this movement test of him on here - and yes, I've straight up decided that's the guy's voice and so many songs of theirs resonate with him, I feel. Here, have a list..! Save the World Tomorrow I've drawn a sketch before where 432 annoyed his coworkers on full purpose with some karaoke, singing this one right in their face. The perfect excuse to tell them "f**k you" on, ahem, accident. Outta Love If I were the kind to do full song animatics, he would be singing this one while wandering the hallways, once again looking for the exit. Cold He would sing this one to himself, and he would sing it to you, too. Innocence That's the song from my video up there. If I did a full video, it would switch to his Settings self halfway through. Highest Mountain The song that goes with my "Into the Vortex" picture. 432's last moments as an employee, or his first ones as Settings. Closer (2001 Version) What I love about Fools Garden is that a lot of their songs are melancholic, but often also uplifting and full of hope and wonder. Probably They can also be very cheeky and a bit silly. Just like our 432 here. Bighouse Pyromaniac Casually singing about burning everything down? Also very him. Don't Speak This is such a great cover version of that song and also the type of thing 432 would sing at his coworkers to annoy them. Electrify I've drawn a comic page for this one, of Settings bugging the Narrator... but also not actually bugging him. Ordinary Man Settings432 (Post-Parable) would also sing this one at the Narrator because he knows it hits a nerve, and the Narrator will pap him for it. One Fine Day Settings432 has mentioned in a doodle somewhere on here that the "Freedom Ending has great acoustics", and this is the song he tested that on. Fireflies This one's just lovely, and wise, and once in a while my Settings can be like that. Yes, really. He can be wise. SOMEtimes. Reason As much as Settings loves company, he IS aware that the Player and the inhabitants of the Parable will always be opposing forces in a way. Rise and Fall This is just a calm and quiet and slightly haunting song, I like it, so I'm adding it here. Lemon Tree This is a great, newer version of the song, definitely one our 432 here would sing as well. And here's some more assorted ones I don't really associate with 432 as much, lyrics-wise, but I still like them a lot: Wild Days (2009 version) Does Anybody Know Silence Dreaming (2009 version) Emily

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

TF2 Mercs and The Will Wood Songs I Think Fit Best.

————————————————————

What can I say, I'm a huge Will Wood fan lmao

————————————————————

Also, slight warnings most of these are sad. One are two aren't, but a lot of the reasons why these songs resonate with the Mercs will be sad.

————————————————————

Demo- Half A Decade Hangover and The First Step. I genuinely think this man hates being an alcoholic. He loves it when he can be fun and have a good time, but he hates the fact that he depends on it so hard.

Engie- Um, It's Kind Of A Lot. Okay, so this ties back into one of my first headcanons, I think. So I genuinely think the reason Engie is so close with Pyro and the other Mercs is because this man didn't have a family that really cared for him. Like not abusive but just not present. He. Is. Scared. Of. Love. He's scared the people he cares about will be taken from him. He's scared that he cares too much and that he'll never feel that in return.

Heavy- (When I tell you I struggled on this one) Venetian Blind Man. Okay, I'm not going to lie. This one is more of the style and music than the lyrics. I just think it fits, I really can't explain it.

Medic- Your Body, My Temple, and Yes to Err is Human, So Don't Be One. I think Your Body, My Temple fits him well because this man literally loves the human anatomy. He views the body as a temple, but not in the way like gym bros and fitness bloggers do. No, like this man thinks the human body is something to worship (nonsexual). Also, a lot of connections to people, which is shown in the song and i also think the religious aspect just fits some how. Yes to Err is Human, So Don't Be One is definitely a song that for me captures a sense of eerieness and almost inhumanity in a person, not saying that Medic isn't human or doesn't have humanity but I definitely think he has moments where he forgets about that. He always catches himself, tho. EDIT- JevTheJester let me know that BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA also fits Medic, and I agree. I think the upbeat tempo is a great fit, and it fits insanely well! ( The longest description goes to my wife, of course 😮‍💨)

Scout- Tomcat Disposables and Love, Me Normally. Oh boy. Tomcat Disposables just fits him so well. Like I think this man loves his family and home so much and just wants to provide that for a future family. I think he's also just really scared of dying (again)? Because I definitely think on the outside, he's all like cocky and chill about it but on the inside he's so fucking scared. Another mix of being confident and cool on the outside while also being really scared on the inside, but this time it's about getting close to people! Abandonment issues and all that wacky stuff. Give this man a hug pls.

Sniper- Becoming Lastnames. Let's be real. This man has family trauma. He loves his mom to death, but I definitely think his dad was distant, and when he was present, he was very strict and cold. He definitely wants a family he can be a good father/husband to, but he also knows that's probably not possible.

Spy- Cicada Days and I/Me/Myself. Commitment issues and genderfluid? He's just like me fr. (Jokes) I think Cicada Days can represent the times he's actually felt love, but he got scared and left. Specifically with Scout and his mom. I/Me/Myself, I don't think this man knows how he feels about his gender identity and hates it. Like def has internalized a lot of shit, being queer being one of the major ones. (all people who can change appearances at will in media are genderfluid come at me).

Soldier- (I struggled with this one too, ngl.). Morning Announcements. I think it just matches him and upbeat vibe with no really idea behind it.

Pyro- 2econd 2ight 2eer and Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world. This dude definitely has high energy, and I can picture them singing 2econd 2ight 2eer and like really getting into it (if they could actually be understood). Okay, a thought. I can vividly imagine Pyro (if they could be understood). Singing this song with Medic. Both of them actually like the concept of death.

————————————————————

Ugh, that was a lot. I'm sorry 😭 I really like Will Wood, as I am mentally ill. Thanks again to all of you who make me actually want to post things I think you guys will like <3

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

what's your favourite moment from the movie and why?

Shoot, that's such a difficult question; I really love this movie a lot so choosing is hard.

The answer may end up changing at some point, but the beginning of the movie (aka before the starting credits appear,) is my favorite.

I know this is a kind of a cop-out answer, especially because the reason I call this my favorite, is not so much because of what happens in the beginning (even though I still love the scenes for what they are,) but because the beginning of this movie is when I fell in love with it.

I wasn't going to give a long response but let's face it I can't.

The rest of this response would be part anecdotical, part praising the hell about this movie, and probably, some incomprehensible squealing because I love this movie so much is hard to find the right words.

Let's start with the anecdotical part.

I am not a movie person in the slightest, before last month I wasn't even a big fan of going to the movies; honestly, for most of my life the big screen, the sound, and such weren't enough to make it better that watch it in the comfort of my home.

This movie changed that for me. I had no way to run the numbers but I wouldn't be surprised if I had gone to the theatre this past month more times than I had gotten the past 10 years. I am going to be certain that's going to be the case by the time this movie stops showing up in theatres.

I decided to go and see this movie when it came out because I have Fridays free, and while I really liked ITSV, it wasn't my favorite movie, just one a enjoyed a lot but wasn't able to tick all the boxes for me to get up there.

Why go to see it when it came out? Because I didn't trust the internet wouldn't spoil me and even if the first film wasn't in my top 3, and while I wasn't sure the movie could live up to the bar the first set (Especially since the trailer didn't convince me.) One way or another, I want to see it for myself with as little information as I could so I would judge the movies for merit alone.

Because of the type of movie it was, the regular seating had already run out, so I ended up getting an extra expensive viewing. I remember seating in the theatre with my also overpriced food (Since I didn't go to see movies often may as well,) wondering if this was going to be worth all this money.

Let's than 20 minutes in, the movie proves to me it's worth that and much more.

This, this was the shot that I saw when I thought "Oh it was worth it."

Is hard to describe how hard this movie hits and let me remind you, this shot is before it hits the 15-minute mark. I had never liked something this much this quickly.

I remember being glued to my seat, absolutely baffled how in so little time this movie was able to make me adore it.

The beautiful art direction, oh I wish I understood art better because I know there is so much more going on that I don't have the vocabulary for it.

I caught on other little details, like for me it was obvious how the fact that Gwen's apartment had warm colors except for her room was a representation of how much she is isolating herself, how she herself is blue by drowning in her isolation, and how she only became warm by hugging her father, the only bond he has left with someone who is active in her life.

Seeing Gwen switch between her civilian self and costume, thinking to myself to what degree she is stuck to her costume that she feels the responsibility of the mantle in her bones even when there is nothing going on.

I have 0 music knowledge really, but Self-love is my favorite song in the entire movie, and part of it is hearing the lyrics resonate with what's going on the screen.

It's funny how I went from really not caring too much about something that happened to a character, to "The first four times I watched this movie I was crying at this part."

Granted, I know exactly why. Execution, time, and tone play heavily into this, after wall, we went from the moment being said in passing to having the flashback of how it plays it out, and is of course, a lot worse.

It reminds me of Encanto in a way, where Alma talking about the death of her husband doesn't come with a twist, in fact none of what she told us is really new information. However because we are seeing things from her true perspective rather that just being told a sanitized version of it, it hits all the harder.

Which is exactly what happens here.

(I didn't include the scenes of Gwen with Peter because the ATSV makes me teary eyed and I already talked a lot about it in other posts, and the one in ITSV is funny because is deadass Peter B model. That also plays a part.)

And this brings us to another reason why this sequence made me fall in love with this movie: Gwen.

For this, I need to talk about my opinion of Gwen in ITSV: I liked her, and that's it.

I thought her design was cool, I adored the way she move in combat as if she was dancing. I liked that she was a good fighter and so put together. If this movie would have come out a few years earlier, I know my teenage self would have had a massive crush on her.

Yet that was as much as I could say about her, the movie didn't give us as much time to get to know her, and while the cool, badass persona is fun, I need more than that to like a character.

Then this movie comes, and has me crying for Gwen at the beginning of the movie.

I came from barely having any attachment to this character aside from liking the aesthetics, to wanting to hug and tell her everything was going to be okay. As far as I am concerned she is my daughter.

(Let's ignore the fact I am not even 10 years older than her and in no way, shape or form ready to be a parent.)

I don't really have an analysis to make this, this is just a good joke that I like.

It does however kind of illustrate my point now, doesn't it?

This part is moving, is emotional, is an artistical marvel and this post doesn't even mention Vulture (a lot of people had talked about that already, including people who know enough about animation that can truly appreciate it; so I will just say my jaw was on the floor by that point.) All while being entertaining as heck.

Movies tend to be too long for me, in fact, I saw the new Indiana Jones recently and I was grasping for my phone around the 50 minute mark. Not to say the movie is bad (not really my taste but that's on me,) but to illustrate that this isn't my type of thing.

The new Indiana movie is only 10 minutes longer than ATSV, yet ATSV is the movie I had watched MULTIPLE TIMES already, and still sit through without being the least bit bored. It doesn't matter the number of times I had said this already because I still can't believe it.

And is at the beginning of this movie that it encapsulates the essence as to why it works so well, this is the part that reminds me why I had gotten to watch this on the big screen the number of times I had, is the reason why this movie has basically become my comfort watch, the thing I see when I am stressed out and I want to immerse myself in something I love.

I said at the beginning is a cop-out answer, and this is why; the beginning has all the part that reminds me why I adore the movie to the degree I had done, and while I love so many scenes, this is the part that comes to mind when I think of favorite.

[g-bouchard]

More song suggestions:

(Not sure what you like but this is nice stuff I like to listen to that’s engaging enough for a head bop but not distracting)

Blame Brett (the beaches)

HOT TO GO! (Chappell Roan)

Pink Panther (Scene Queen)

DIRT (Zoe Ko)

Obsessed (Olivia Rodrigo)

Bad idea! (Girl in red)

Should I stay or should I go (the clash)

The remedy (Jason Mraz)

First Rate Town (good kid)

For the girls (Haley kioko)

Drunk voicemail (pompom squad)

I have more but don’t wanna flood you lol

Glhf and lmk what you think :]

I listened to all of these today. There are too many songs to give my thoughts on all of them without making this post too long. My top three were:

"Drunk Voicemail" - The lyrics were surprising-- in a good way, I think? The emotion in this song resonated with me for some reason. Very, very good.

"Obsessed" - I surprised myself with how much I like this one. I'd like to listen to more music by her, I actually really like her energy.

"The Remedy" - I enjoyed the hopefulness of this song. Kudos to this song for having the word "liaison" in it, it felt like a shout out.

I appreciate you sharing your music taste with me. You single handedly made my playlist about forty minutes longer-- which is incredibly impressive. Don't be afraid to share more if you are ever so inspired.

-Gwen B.

[toxicrivalries]

hi! i saw your tags when you reblogged the f1 and linguistics post :) i am so fascinated with italian and how lyrical it seems to be (but my contact with the language is limited so this might be generalized). i would love to learn anything you know about the language, any lore, facts, etymology, history, etc ahahah anything really.

(plus i am a ferrari fan, i adore how passionate the italians are!)

oh my god okay so ! you've pressed the infodump button times 2 because italian is part of my research so Uhm. Yeah 😅🫡

(just so we're clear: i don't properly speak italian, i understand it very well and can bootleg speak it because i speak french and spanish - but i have read so many fucking papers on the linguistic features of it, and my native language is heavily influenced by it as well)

Okay I'll spare you the hard science and math side of it even tho it makes my brain go BRRRR (listen. you can take the physics & engineering man out of physics & engineering but not the physics & engineering out of the man. resonant frequencies im love.you) BUT

so there's 3 different things that combine to make italian sound very melodic, especially to english speaking ears: intonation (the pitch variation sentences have), rhythm, and word stress. all languages have these features (and some also have tones, for example famously: mandarin).

italian has intonation that varies a lot within a sentence (compared to english), there's a very notable up down nature to most simple statement sentences, and even more variations when you get into complexity. that's the first thing that makes people say italian sounds melodic or lyrical.

rhythm is a biiiiit more complicated to explain but if you've ever had any classes on shakespeare or the homeric epics you've encountered the concept at least theoretically. the "iambic" part of "iambic pentameter" is the rhythm that shakespearean texts have when spoken. now, unfortunately there's no academic consensus on what rhythm italian has (for reference english has trochaic which is the opposite of iambic - stressed syllable followed by unstressed syllable) (DUH dun DUH dun DUH dun). but there IS academic consensus on spanish, which is a sister language to italian: spanish has the same as english. anyway yeah languages have rhythms, this definitely plays into the equation, we (i) just don't know how. (any native speakers who may have an answer to this are welcome to PLEASE TELL ME I'M SO CURIOUS)

and then finally word stress! okay sorry but english kiiiinda sucks at expressing word stress because one of the reasons english speakers suck at saying names from my culture is they seem to not perceive word strsss the same way. Regardless yeah, word stress means there's one (or more) syllables in a word that are louder and/or longer than the rest. some languages always stress the same syllables in words (french always stresses the final syllables, which is why it often can sound very staccato). most languages with varied word stress have rules about which syllables can be stressed. italian varies it - the most common word stress is the penultimate syllable, but the two on either side of it (antipenultimate, and ultimate) are often common too. figuring out where the FUCK the stress goes when you're faced with a new word you've never heard someone say out loud before is every italian learners nightmare (send help i am SUFFERING).

all these features combined mean there's a lot more variation in the overall melody compared to english which is why it sounds lyrical (I've heard people describe it as sing songy before too) to english speakers!

jesus that's a lot of words 😅🤣 hope that answers one of your questions ❣️

[platadesangre]

we NEED to talk about jcs 1975 madrid cast!

i have come to make camilo sesto justice

(i finally finished this post yay!)

i may be a bit biased, since this was my first jcs.

short story on how i discovered it

my dad used to be an apostle for a bootleg staged playback jcs in peru during the 70s! they used this version.

he had the cd. he also had the mp3 files. i used his computer, so that was how 13 year old me found it.

those were tough times, bc later i started doing catechesis and i kind of got depressed and started questioning my faith lol. judas' character really resonated with me

since this is a recording, i didn't have any footage to reference, so i made up everything in my mind. (this is why it was a bit weird for me to see the english productions, bc they looked nothing like in my head lol)

now, a bit of historical context for spain in the 70's

camilo sesto was a popular spanish singer and actor who went to see the jcs 1971 broadway production in london. he loved it so much that he did everything he could do financially to bring the show to spain.

spain was in a fascist dictatorship at the time

they fought with censorship for years, that's why the lyrics are a bit different (i'll make a post about that too)

they had to remodel the alcalá-palace theater stage entirely

franco (our dictator) died two days after the premiere (about time lol)

the "ultras" (conservatists) didn't like the show so they did lots of crazy stuff (for example, praying for the cast outside the theater or sending BOMB THREATHS?)

anyways, this was the first official translation for jcs!

on the main cast we have

camilo sesto as jesus christ (he wanted the role from the beggining)

teddy bautista as judas iscariot

ángela carrasco as mary magdalene

here's an old pic of them (and some apostles)

(now that i look at it closely, it kind of looks like a bootleg jcs 1973 lol)

on the recording

it's a stereo recording, so use both headphones or you'll miss out on half of it

musically speaking, it's similar to the og concept album (songs ending on fade-outs and shorter trial before pilate) but it has some interesting choices (teddy, the producer and the voice of judas, took a lot of... artistic liberties)

some things this version has

it adds lots of synth. it's very psychodelic. i understand this can be a turn off for some people

they kinda change the key to many songs. maybe to fit vocal ranges idk

teddy just loves to make up new melodies (please give this man some water)

EPIC GUITAR SOLO in what's the buzz

what's the buzz and strange thing mystifying are separated tracks for some reason

camilo sings so good

cute synth in everything's alright ángela has such an angelic voice she makes such a good mary

the drums and guitars during this jesus must die are so danceable

the BEST simon zealotes i've heard. shit goes HARD. he goes CRAY

i really love this pilate, in my rating he would be the best one

camilo's "¡SALVAOS VOSOTROS!" during the temple is really pathetic lol

damned for all time interlude replaced by synths. the SAX SOLO is also replaced by synth (questionable choice)

cool thing happens during the end of this song that i'll talk about in another post

judas' occasional nervous laughter really adds to his character

also he cries a lot

"you sad pathetic man" part during last supper is... fairly different! (i'm looking at you teddy...)

camilo's gethsemane is epic. he's a baladist singer but MAN he can ROCK

cool harmonica during the arrest

i'll never shut up about our pilate (he nervous laughs too)

herod is so fruity

judas' death really hits different when you were depressed and questioning faith (this version is BRUTAL) also lyrics change (i'll talk about it i swear)

teddy's one of the few judas who sing the i don't know how to love him reprise in the higher scale!! it sounds so painful and anguished

the album continues acceptably

other cool things it has

jesus and judas have this interesting accent difference. since camilo is from valencia, he has this pristine and traditional spanish accent. and teddy is from canarias (also lived in the usa) so his accent is rougher and more, crusty? idk how to explain it but it's neat and stablishes their dynamic a bit. (ángela is from dominican republic! but her accent is barely noticeable)

on the footage aspect, we only have old vhs videos and live audios uploaded on youtube. also some old photos

there is a book about this version. it has some anecdotes (only available in spanish)

now we have a 4 episode mini-series about the odyssey that it was to produce this. it's called "camilo superstar" (i won't be watching it bc it's a bit fan-ficy from what i've seen)

the posts i'll make about this production will be tagged as #jcs 1975 madrid

you can listen to it on spotify!

or on youtube (playlist made by me)

[jlheon]

penggg! have you listened to bea’s new album? i did and i’m obsessed with california and one time!!

which song was your fave? plus, thoughts on the release? <333

missing your works 💗 (but take your time!!)

hai!!! these are my thoughts!!! (this is how it went & a cruel affair & everything i want) — btw this is kinda long u don’t have to read it all 😭😭

take a bite — 10/10 wbk. i am taking a bite hell yeah i am!!!! this song is so hoonki coded i will not explain further u just have to understand by being on my intellectual level.

california — 9/10 i want to go to california… the whole song is so woah icl! the bridge is insane oh my gosh I LOVE BEABADOOBEE

one time — 10/10 HECK YEAH!!! this song is literally me winning the idgaf war at all times! awesome beat n song n lyrics FUCK YOU !!!!! the outro is actually insane bea the lyrical genius you are… i love her so much

real man — 10/10 U WILL NEVER BE A REAL MAN!!!! this song is also like FUCK U!!! i think i hate men guys freak this i need a gf! again the outro is insane LAWD!!!!

tie my shoes — 9/10 i will sob n throw up this song is so woah. THE ONE PART “lied to a girl u hardly knew but the world thought of you” THE WAY SHE DELIVERS THE LINE IS SO CRAZY BEAUTIFUL I LOVE BEA SO MUCH PLZ TIE MY SHOES

girl song — 10/10 this song is a real representation of me fighting my demons every couple days when i have one of my weekly crash outs woah. i will sob n cry again this is so me unfortunately

coming home — 9/10 it was a 10/10 my first listens but i overplayed it sobs. oh but this song made me cry even just the demo version becoz it makes me think of being married n not having time for each other and that is terrifying LONG DISTANCE I WILL NEVER DO THAT PROLLY.

ever seen — 8.5/10 i like but not as much as the other songs YK. its very happy n peppy tho i hope i have a meetcute one day. TO TELL MY KIDS ABT BRU. this song is jake coded becuz hes the prettiest ever..

a cruel affair — 100/10 me song again! love this instrumental for realz. this song is too short it should be 3 minutes at minimum poo… this song barely has any lyrics too. EXTENDED VERSION PLEASEEEE

post — 8/10 for some reason i don’t understand what this song is about like i was analyzing the lyrics and i rlly don’t know but the song is awesome regardless

beaches — 10/10 Yes! i really want to go on vacation to a tropical place so i can dissociate for a while n get my shit together ngl.. THE INSTRUMENTAL BREAK IS SO GOOD BRU WTF PLEEK I LOVE BEA SM

everything i want — 1000/10 NEED THIS AT MY WEDDING /SRS. no like actually this song makes me so happy n bittersweet plz im everything you want (jake) can we plz get married ill never settle for a regular man. ok but in seriousness its so cute w the lyrics and i hope i feel this way abt someone n vise versa one day when im older! i want to be in love so bad…!!! on REPEAT.

the man who left too soon — 7/10 but only becoz i don’t resonate w any of the lyrics but the song is good it just has to grow on me i reckon…

this is how it went — 1000/10 THIS IS MY SONG. i love the beat so bad it makes me wanna cry but also sway around my room! this song is literally me i love sleeping n not talking to anyone hashtag peng core song!

[turquoisecobalt]

Happy Sabrina Carpenter Short n' Sweet release day! (Note: I live in Australia)

having just finished my first listen (doing second listen as i type this), the songs i added to my likes are Sharpest Tool, Bed Chem, and Lie To Girls! Theyre just the ones I vibed with most musically/lyrically which i'll talk about more in a sec.

wrote a little about each song under the cut <3

Taste made my jaw drop, damn girl youre gonna be tastin me! love it! totally a bop and is probably gonna join my favs after more listens. Love it as the opener.

(love Please Please Please, "beg you dont embarrass me motherfucker" tickles my brain so good)

Good Graces is just an absolute mood, same kinda message as Please Please Please, just be decent and we're chill lmaoo

Sharpest Tool I LOVE how shes uses the same word or sound at the end of a line and then the start of the next (took a left / left me, second guess / guess i'll, wondering if / if that, inbetween the lines / lyin to yourself) it's so satisfying to me, also that "we were going right then you took a left" just hits so good for some reason! overall yes, a definite fav

Coincidence is a bop, just misses out on being a fav cause the topic doesn't resonate with me personally! luckily haven't had this kinda experience, but LOVE the "your car drove itself to her thighs" took me so off guard cause i was expecting bed.

Bed Chem? oh hell yeah. come ride- uh,,,, comradery uhuh. horny bop. love Love LOVE

(Mountain Dew It For Ya :) )

Dumb & Poetic- oh yes go off Sabrina so many good lines in this one "just cause you act like one, dont make you a man" simple and so so true (+"just cause you leave like one" HAH) but "youre so empathetic, you'd make a good wife" is soo funny i love her. also love the slower vibes.

Slim Pickins is too real, why do we settle like this. so entertained by her flipping it to moaning and bitching. instead of bitchin and moanin. makes it stand out without feeling too off, i like it.

Juno is super cute but i'm gonna need people to write those genius annotations so i can really Get It (it's referencing that movie right? I havent seen it). fav line is "i showed my friends and we high-fived, sorry if you feel objectified" also its horny so A+

ok ok ok now LIE TO GIRLS! lyrics hit right out of the gate, and they keep hittin "you dont have to lie to girls, if they like you THEYLL JUST LIE TO THEMSELVES" sabrina stop im sobbing. absolute fav of the album. the buildup at the end. i am in love.

im sorry i couldnt really focus on Don't Smile cause Lie To Girls ruined me uhhhhh. yeah its a good song. im gonna go put Lie To Girls on repeat now

OKAY okay we're done, Mothica's new album also came out but I've gotta sleep that's a tomorrow experience.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

2 3 17 for distracting ask game :33

Name something you want to read?

Um.

So many books, Julia. BUT if I had to go with a specific one… well, I would really like to find + read a good book about synesthesia!! I’ve been having a tricky time with that. And synesthesia is a topic I’d really really enjoy learning more about, so I hope I can find some good books soon!

And also perhaps The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston :) The premise sounds quite interesting (and it’s got a great color on the cover) but. it is also. a romance novel I think. And I am NOT A FAN OF ROMANCE NOVELS. So we shall see </3

5 songs you have been recently obsessed with?

OHHH YES. MUSIC QUESTION MUSIC QUESTION. HELLO!!

1. The Anthem of Mr Dark by The Arcadian Wild

I discovered this song very recently, and I was… very much stunned by how much it resonated with me. I don’t often relate to the songs that I listen to, but this one is. special :) The lyrics are all so beautiful & poignant, and there’s a deeply rooted sense of human in the song, I suppose. The ending with the overlapping voices is so so neat to me, and the CELLO (I think it’s a cello) ARE !!!!!!!

2. Liar by The Arcadian Wild

THIS SONG IS INSANE. THIS SONG IS INSANE. OKAYOKAY. Gosh I so very much enjoy songs that have plucked guitar strings that sound emotional and/or haunting. And GOSH!!! THIS SONG!!! LISTEN TOTHE GUIATARSHEGSJSGSJGDJG. The lyric, “in the light I swear I will… deny it all” just. hits me and sticks with me So Much for some reason. Dude and the 2:43 to 3:56 stretch is my Favorite part oh my gosh. The sudden switch from fairly calm instruments to things that are Loud and Heavy makes it ram itself all the more deeper into my heart. This is such a phenomenal song.

3. No Surprises cover by nani

I LIKE THIS MORE THAN THE ORIGINAL!!! I DO I DO I DO!!! And like. just from a guitarist’s perspective this song is amazing; the chords are beautiful, the finger-picking is lovely, the strums are so so nice, and the way she blends finger-picking and strumming into One Thing is something that I admire. Every time I hear this song I think to myself, “gosh I hope I can play like this someday.” And the EMOTION in her VOICE !!!!!!!

4. Wasted Summer cover by MaybeEh

To be perfectly honest I Don’t know why I became obsessed with this one. It’s not even a Real official song it is literally a cover someone made on GarageBand. And yet it is SO GOOD!!! ??? I cannot tell you the sheer amount of times I have listened to this song. I think it’s the chorus for me. Ough… that chorus. That amazing amazing chorus. The lyrics on the screen are incorrect by the way, so I never pay attention to them 😅

5. Hmm… probably tied between Waiting To Change by Kaden MacKay & Open Eyes by Jimmy Clifton. Waiting To Change is just a generally beautiful song; I first discovered it back when it first released, and I really liked it! But then I forgot about its existence lol. I rediscovered it a few weeks ago and have been listening to it so much since :) Open Eyes is <3333333333 I WANT TO LIVE & DANCE INSIDE THE 2:03 MARK I WANT TO LIVE & DANCE INSIDE OF IT

Tell us about your favorite character?

Julia I thought you’d never ask 😏😏😏😏

OKAYOKAY SO SOMETHING THAT I THINK ABOUT is that moment when Ghostbur is talking to Phil about ghosts; Ghostbur talked about how whenever he read about ghosts, the ghosts always seemed to be able to do things that he can’t do. Walk through walls, for example, and float in the air. And Ghostbur stated that he can’t do those things, and that it was frustrating to not find any ghosts, fictional or real, that were like him.

And I don’t know man. I think about that a lot. In so many aspects Ghostbur behaved just like a normal, alive being would; he walked, he ate food. He couldn’t teleport or float in the air. He couldn’t walk through things, he couldn’t disappear (another thing I think about is how, especially during Ghostbur’s first few weeks of existing, he drank invisibility potions all the time. He always had some on hand, he was always brewing them, and he frequently drank them. It was like he was trying to make up for the fact that he couldn’t turn invisible on his own. He was just trying to be what he thought a ghost should be 😭)

AND I THINK ABOUT THIS!!! Really the only truly “ghostly” aspects about Ghostbur were his name, the greyish color of his skin, and his voice (ANOTHER NEAT THING!!! Ghostbur could alter the way his voice sounded!! Most of the time he chose to sound like a normal human being, but other times he’d make it have an echo or a reverb. It’s such a neat little thing that he can do!!) and also the fact that he can die over and over again and always come back. Ghostbur canonically died three times, and for two of those times he came right back. The only time he truly died—and never came back—was when Dream used the revival book on him.

Ghostbur was truly. doomed. Everywhere he went he was misunderstood. He couldn’t be like the ghosts he read stories about, he couldn’t be the man who’d lived before him, he couldn’t be the dad Fundy needed, he couldn’t be the son Phil wanted. Even when Ghostbur told people that he was being misunderstood, even when he told people that he wasn’t Wilbur, even when he told people that he didn’t want to be called by Wilbur’s name, he was rarely listened to. He was often brushed off or looked down upon.

Canon should’ve been kinder to Ghostbur and he should’ve been treated better & understood better by the people he interacted with, and it just makes me upset. There’s not much respite to be found in the fandom either; many people misunderstand Ghostbur in the same ways that the other characters in DSMP did.

It really genuinely upsets me a lot because Ghostbur is such a good character! He has so many layers, he’s so complex, he’s so much more than what he looks like on the surface, he’s so much deeper than anyone gives him credit for. And hardly anyone seems to know that :(

In short, he is such a complicated little guy and I will defend him until the world ends he is so very special & important to me <3

[mothgardens]

it is 2am and i am feeling so much sam winchester love rn so here is a list of taylor swift songs i think resonate with him:

1. Anti-Hero

I feel as tho all the lyrics work towards his character.

Mr. Samuel “It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem it’s me… everybody agrees,” Winchester

I should not be left to my own devices -> Dean constantly implies that Sam shouldn’t be left to figure things out on his own. He does this so much that Sam actually confronts him about it, multiple times.

I wake up screaming from dreaming -> Sam used to wake up from his visions freaked the hell out.

The second verse is also very fitting; he always felt like a freak or monster compared to everyone else.

2. Clean

DEMON BLOOD !!!!!!

I think it works really well for his addiction arc because the song is about toxic relationships (aka RUBY).

The drought being the worst -> Being locked in Bobby’s panic room.

The flowers that we grown together died of thirst -> The powers that grew and developed during his addiction and slowly disappeared when he was sobering.

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing -> Sam was shouting and banging for hours down in the panic room and no one came to check on him until he was quiet.

Ten months older, I wont give in. Now that i’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it -> He never went back

3. Nothing New

Honestly, the whole reason this song is on the list is because of the lyric:

How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> Sam left for Stanford at 18. That was his first taste of freedom; it was his first time deciding something for himself. He was his own person. He had finally escaped. But, then at 22, Dean came and brought him back in. Jess dies. Everything feels lost again.

In general, I think Sam has lost of teenage girl vibes to him tho. This is probably self projection, but I think its true and this is MY analysis so <3.

4. My Tears Ricochet

This song is about Sam and John’s Stanford fight, and general dynamics that they share.

This one is going to get it’s own in depth, dedicated post <3 but some highlights are:

Even on my worst day, did i deserve, all the hell you gave me -> Sam was a child. No matter how arrogant or frustrating he could be, John should have never been so harsh on him. Telling your kid to never come back just because he wants to go to college is INSANE.

And I can go anywhere I want, just not home -> THIS LINE IS SO AHHHHHHH SAMMY.

Cursing my name, wishing i stayed -> John. John. John. Cursing Sam to never return, while simultaneously wishing he had never left.

Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave -> Parallel, John telling Sam he being brave on a hunt VS John condescendingly saying Sam was being brave for standing up to him.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same -> John realizing that Sam might have to die if nothing changes. John giving that responsibility to Dean by giving his life for Dean’s; selfless selfishness.

5. Mirrorball

Mr. Samuel “And when I break, it’s in a million pieces” Winchester

I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me -> Sam continuously tries to do his best under every circumstance. Even though most of the people around him have such little faith in him. He won’t stop trying.

And I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why -> His faith is God and the stereotypical Christian religion in general throughout the series fascinates me. He has very little reason to keep his faith, but he does. Even in later seasons, I think it was s11, when he prays and believes that Lucifer’s visions are actually messages from God.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try -> Sam doesn’t actually know what he is doing. He uses his training, but that only can get you so far in mental battles with Lucifer or physical battles with God. He does what he thinks is right. He just wants to help.

6. This Is Me Trying

This is also in the works of developing its own post. Highlights include:

I didn’t know if you’d care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that -> Sam never got to know if Dean wanted him back. All that time spent at Stanford he had to wonder if his father and brother actually missed him or not.

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> This just screams Lucifer trauma to me

THEY TOLD ME ALL MY CAGES WERE MENTAL, SO I GOT WASTED LIKE ALL MY POTENTIAL -> *violently screams and shakes* The visions, Demon blood, Hallucifer, literally anytime Sam is struggling it is brushed off as him being too worked up about it. Dean literally COMPLAINED to Bobby about how much work it was that Sam was mentally ill. LIKE DUDE.

AND MY WORDS SHOOT TO KILL WHEN IM MAD, I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT THAT -> Sam does say shit that is hurtful. He does shit that is bad. It’s usually out of frustration from someone else’s actions towards him. AKA it’s usually towards Dean, when Dean belittles him.

pouring out my heart to a stranger, BUT I DIDNT POUR THE WHISKEY -> Sam vs Dean (this is NOT me belittling Dean’s alcoholism bc i get he has an issue)

That this is me trying, AT LEAST IM TRYING -> Again, Sam is just doing his best.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I when i feel like an open wound -> Sam has to just behave and go through his life normally even when he is struggling with abandonment, addiction, 180 years of every abuse imaginable and unimaginable, guilt, and just so much suffering.

It ’s hard to be anywhere when all i want is you, you’re a flashback -> Sam’s feelings about Jess. I constantly think about that scene in the impala when he tells Dean that he still thinks about her. It had been like twelve or more years. Its so painful.

—

please excuse my typos

i am yet but just a girl

<3

[blairamok]

Hello Blair!

I am so sorry about you in ER. Hope you will be okay soon!

I have a difficult question to ask and though I would be so happy to have your advice, please feel free to ignore it. (Plus, I am French, so I hope I'll be understandable, so sorry by advance)

Your "On Thin Ice" content is wonderful, I adore everything about it - the fic, the artworks, the "behind-the-scenes" details, everything. But it seems like you need a lot of time for writing the next chapters (and you are so right, please take your time!). And sometimes it seems like writing is difficult for you. So, do you have some advices about how to resolving it?

Let me just explain why I am asking this: I am French and I started to write fanfictions 20 years ago, when I was 15. It was great, it was easy most of the time, and sharing my stories was freeing me. Never have to learn how to write, it was just here, and it worked, people were enjoying my stories a lot and so do I. Music works a lot with me, it helps me, it unleashes my brain and for each story I had written, I can tell there is one or several musics behind it (that's why I am asking you, because you speak about music in your story and I love it)

I have some chronic pain issues, and it will last until the end of my days - it's ok, I am ok with it most of the time. But in 2020, I had a burn out at work and clinic depression. Met several doctors, tried a lot of meds. I was a mess. Didn't write during 3 years, I just couldn't, as if my brain was broken.

Now I feel a little bit better. I can write, but it feels like the spark is gone. Music still helps a lot, but writing is so hard. When I succeed in writing, I am unpleased with what I wrote. Everything seems so bad, or so OOC, or it's too slow, or "readers won't be interested", or "It's useless, what's the point?"

Sometimes I feel lost, I'm scared, it feels like I'll never be the same again. My friends told me it's ok, told me I just grown up and now I am stricter about my stories and it is not a bad thing. People here and there told me to stop to try to write, and to heal first.

I love to write, I love to tell stories. I am just tired to wait to heal, because doctors told me that maybe I'll never be completly healed. So?

Can I ask your advices about it? How will you manage?

Thanks a lot just for reading this. I wish you a lot of courage and a better health.

And thank you so much for shearing "On Thin Ice" and keep us dreaming about our dear ineffable husbands.

Elenthya

first of all, thank you so so much for your kind words and i am so sorry for waiting awhile to answer this (i'm not in the ER anymore!) but i wanted to properly sit down and dedicate all of my brain power to answering because a lot of what you said here resonated with me

yes, writing is very difficult for me. sometimes i just find it very hard to convey what i want to get across, other times it's my own insecurities keeping me at bay. i get stuck in this feeling of being too scared to write because i feel like i'm bad at it and i don't like being bad at things. brains are weird. i don't really have any way of getting over this other than forcing myself to actually sit down and write, and other times i will get a sudden jolt of inspiration (like for particular scenes). i don't understand it! maybe i just don't like connecting the dots lol

and YES, i love music! i think the reason why a figure skating AU resonates with me so well is because music is a sole component of the sport, and i work really well with music in the same way! a lot of my art is inspired by songs or specific lyrics, not every piece, but there is a good chance i had something in mind for certain things. music is a huge part of my AU so i've put a lot of thought in choosing the musical compositions for their programs that are relevant to the current story i'm writing. and i'm really eager to share that at some point

as someone also dealing with chronic pain, i'm really sorry you're going through it as well. i also had a very very low point, i want to say 2018ish. i have a cervical nerve injury that kept me from drawing for almost a year. there was a long time where i also felt lost and scared, as if things would never be the same. and for me, things are still not the same. i have had to learn how to live with a chronic injury, and working around it is one of the most frustrating things i deal with. i had to learn to be kinder to myself, take things slow, listen to my body, and try not to give myself a hard time when i couldn't do things when i wanted to. it's easier said than done because i still have days where i'm just so frustrated with myself. i am at the whims of my body, i can't do things how i did them before and that sucks because that makes finding the balance between the needs of my body and the needs of my mind pretty tricky. and learning how to live with that took a lot of time, sifting through a lot of anger and bitter feelings, at myself and the unfairness of it all. i know waiting around to heal is torturous. my injury will never heal so waiting is out of the question for me

but!! that's another reason i started writing my AU, because i channel all of that frustration into my version of crowley in that story, who doesn't know who he would be without the thing he's done his whole life, who equates his self worth to that thing, who struggles with an injury and being kind to himself. this is one of the many ways i manage, i think

you say that when you do manage to write something, you feel that it isn't good, or there's something wrong with it—i feel this too, and i know the difference between that and what it feels like to LOVE what you're writing, that spark you're looking for. i have a very hard time getting to that point, and i think what helps me here is to just keep spitting stuff out. it's like when i draw, i make a ton a very bad sketches that will never see the light of day, so i also have a ton of drabbles that will also likely never see the light of day, but nine times out of ten something has come from it. for art, sometimes i redo the same thing, sometimes a whole sketch, three or four times to get to a point where i like it, for writing i do the same thing with sentences, paragraphs. it's SO hard and discouraging to look at the bad stuff you make sometimes but the important thing is (if you are able) to keep going, keep trying, but don't push yourself. you do have limits, just don't give up. personally, i know if i just sit down and do the thing then i will at least get something done. progress is progress, after all

i do hope something in this huge chunk of text was useful to you, i'm not as eloquent as i'd like to be on stuff like this, but thank you for sending this ask and i sincerely hope you find your spark again (i have faith that you will) and soon 🤍

[bukvarsbitch]

An unofficial, very personal to my tastes, and unnecessary ranking of all of the songs in Nerdy Prudes Must Die

(typed on my laptop so you know shit's real)

I think it goes without saying this is all my opinion. All of the songs are genuinely good, even the ones I don’t love/like! That being said, here’s my ranking just because I’ve been thinking about this a little bit and I want to put it outside my brain.

15: Dirty Dudes Must Die Look, I get it. It’s a twist, it’s a time for Angela to slay. That’s all good and fine. I just don’t love the placement and it didn’t feel like an ending to me. That being said, “darkness will save my soul” goes HARD.

14: The Best of You People keep putting this high up, which I respect, but I can’t resonate with. Someone said it felt very DCOM to them, and I think that might be why I don’t love it; it just feels really tonally different, and not in the way that Just for Once is that’s a clear differentiation for a whole slew of reasons. It’s a totally fine song, I just don’t love it as a fake-out closer. It just doesn’t work for my brain.

13: Cool as I Think I Am (Reprise) I love a sad reprise as much as anyone else; for some reason, this one just really doesn’t vibe with me. No thoughts about why, I just always skip the last three songs on the soundtrack because I don’t love them.

12: Go Go Nighthawks Okay, so we’ve finally gotten past the songs that I just don’t like lol. I actually really like this song! I think it’s cute tonally and it gets off the really artificial and saccharine world that’s about to come crumbling down. Also, the “squawk squawk” always gets stuck in my head for some reason. It’s only this low because it’s not one that I’d put on repeat.

11: The Summoning Someone’s going to dox me for this, but I really don’t love The Summoning as a whole number. It goes hard, don’t get me wrong; I actually ADORE everything before the Lords of Black come in. Mariah, Angela, and Joey’s vocals blend SO beautifully, and the ensemble whispers are HAUNTING. I love, love, love it. The rest of the song is still awesome and I get why people like it, but I don’t love it until the ensemble comes back in towards the end. I also don’t love the start-and-stop of it; if they were going to do that, I feel like keeping everything singing would’ve worked better? I just feel a bit like the energy falters a little. That being said, I still really really like this song.

10: Just for Once I’m a sucker for this genre of musical; my favorite musicals are almost all from this era, and I really like this song on the soundtrack. I don’t actually love it in the show, but I really appreciate it as a number on the soundtrack. It made me understand Ruth a lot more (I liked her before, but I really GOT her after), but I didn’t love how it fit into the show at first, I think because Lauren’s vocals are a little different on the soundtrack compared to the proshot. A banger!

9: Cool as I Think I Am It’s a solid act one number! I’m actually fairly neutral about it, but I still love the way it sounds so it’s higher just because I’m more likely to put it on repeat. I also just love this occurrence of “I’m not a loser” and its later recurrence.

8: Bury the Bully Everyone seems to not like this and bully the bully??? I really like these songs; I think they’re super catchy and they’re a great comedic song for Angela to really get Grace into our hearts (more than she already was). This one’s only lower because I prefer the way the lyrics flow in bully the bully.

7: Bully the Bully I could listen to this song for literal years. I love it so much. Justice for bully the bully lol.

6: If I Loved You I’ve listened to this song SO MUCH. Firstly, Joey and Mariah’s voices go together SO FUCKING WELL. Secondly, “sure, I’m a sapiosexual, you’re intellectual, but I cut my lover losses when I can” is not only one of my favorite lines in the show but it also SO BEAUTIFUL. I think this song is just a great addition to the second act, and I really love it.

5: Dirty Girl Okay, so I will admit: when I first watched the show, I skipped this song. And then, after I finished the show, I went back and listened. I was so wrong, y’all. This is not only a god tier song, it’s also a great way to establish Grace’s absolute fucking insanity alongside Max’s (also) fucking insanity. Grace’s “I’m a good girl”s are such a good addition to the song and her character. I really, really love this song, and I think it’s a great place to start for my top five lol.

4: Hatchet Town SOMEONE’S GOT THEIR HAND ON THE HATCHET HANDLE SWINGING ON THE YOUTH IT’S A HATCHET SCANDAL CAREFUL OR YOUR FOLKS WILL END UP A CANNIBAL’S PLATE IT AIN’T GREAT YOU’RE BETTER ON THE RUN THAN YOU ARE HIDING SUDDENLY THIS QUIET TOWN’S EXCITING

God tier lyricism genuinely and it sounds sO GOOD. I love a “and here’s what the town thinks” song, and this is a great one that goes SO HARD. The chorus sets the tone so well. As I told my friend, it’s like if the Riverdale adults got a musical number, and I LOVE that.

3: High School is Killing Me This, to me, is an example of a genuinely perfect modern musical opening number. It sets the mood of the show so well, and it comes back to haunt you as the show slowly kills off its characters in a way that’s so satisfying. Of course, Mariah and Joey are hitting it out of the park; for me, though, the real star of this song is the ensemble. In any show, my favorite character is the ensemble, and this song is a great example of why. Lauren and Jon do a great job introducing us to the world (and their voices together are beautiful, GOD), and the ensemble makes it feel lived in and sets you up for the whirlwind you’re about to go on. Also, the harmonies. MWAH. (Also, “a cesspool faux democracy, it’s one hell of a normal abnormality” has been stuck in my head since I heard it; one of my favorite lyrics in the show).

2: Nerdy Prudes Must Die Love when the bully comes to kill you but it’s camp! Firstly, Will’s voice is GORGEOUS. Genuinely, I want him to play every single high school bad guy in a musical; he does such a good job. I just adore this song’s placement, tone, lyrics, sound, everything. I really love the way that “I could give two shits that you buried and left me, defiled my body, you pushed me off the edge” sounds, plus obviously the entire will you pray for me bit, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE ENSEMBLE COMES IN. Also, Jon’s absolutely fucking stuNNING “I’M NOT A LOSER.” God, it’s just so good. 100000/10.

1: Literal Monster I feel like this might be unpopular? But, I LOVE this song. It’s another one of those “and here’s what the town thinks” songs (in a way), the harmonies are beautiful, the GUITAR RIFFS, Will’s voice, the way it sets up Max’s entire being and everyone’s relationship to him. I already liked the song before Will comes in, but his voice adds such a wonderful tonal shift to the song with the HUH HUHs and then he just really goes for it, and I love him for it. His “a predator of my size, cross your heart hope to die, you can watch as I rise, I will claim what is mine” is genuinely one of my favorite sounds of the year. MWAH, chefs kiss.