#the hardest part is committing to the design and finding out where it goes

[firebuug]

i know my first tattoo should probably be something small but i just dont have any small tattoo ideas im excited enough to get first. if im gonna pay $200+ dollars for a pain appointment its gonna be something big

[captainkurosolaire]

Judas Ceasar is my favourite of your crew.

It's endearing to hear that! Too difficult to explain with words alone, that anyone, ever taken an interest to stuff been working on throughout the years. But my gratitude is boundless. I cherish you forever. My devotion to create only heightens and exceeds itself the more, I delve into learning about the characters and flushing them out. As I go often putting them into settings and right now it's just an on-rail, roller-coaster.

For years now I've thought out and had so much vivid ideas of the world building and just how detailed, I wanted to go. At-first making Captain's crew was too daunting. But man, I've so much love and fondness in this community for the infinite inspiration of others who commit unbelievably into their works. I've got too many idol's in peers to name-off. My Roleplay partners, and those who brought per-established, all my RP partner's former or wherever, account for everything and Captain always been a character that was designed off other's reactions, he was molded to this point where finally he was worth enough to make his own story. And all the Tales people, everyone whose ever been apart of his life, none of that ever goes away. It's all going to be referenced, impacted, or mattered.

Totally makes you feel at home when you find an environment that's filled with your kindred-souls.

If my vitality could just be as equal to my passion, I would do much more. Praise and give so much too, I tried for so-long to overcome my limitations but that became unhealthy, so now from on and ever, I just have to be me. Whatever amount, I am. I'll throw something together and it'll be with all my heart or energy at that day or moment.

I've lot of stories in me, I can see the front-covers, images of them inside my head, I can explain the entire story now in one-word and eventually will come into fold. I've got ideas to make cultures, civilizations, just a lot of Isle's, relics, all sorts of stuff and make every Crewmate and NPC have some sort of evolution, character progression. All leading into a bigger cause.

Think anyone would say hardest part is to stay on the path to continuously write or dedication to your craft, you've sculpted the draft but not lined up and finished all the whistles.

Struggles exist for certain, not feeling your best. But when you really start loving, your own pieces, genuinely, even if goes unseen, the fact you can look-back at the aftermath someday and say; I put my energy in the world and that was, me moves mountains. For me, anymore I feel complete and infinite and I've got an internal sense of peace. Just creating and getting closer to a new story. Bringing it to life, alongside the many muses, I've got fills me with joy.

I'm excited almost to be at point in the story of just doing an abundance of revelations. Like having stories lined up in a stack of domino's and finally you get to push one to make all the other's fall into place and eventually it creates your true picture.

Treasure you though anon, sorry for putting so much into this post. Haven't had the energy to work on a side project or update things. Typically wake up do a story and I'm tapped. Trying to get my feet back to consistency.

Hopefully someday probably soon, I'll take a break throughout year and can work on making a Roster page, overhauling my blog and cleaning it, do proper tags. Make thing's way more user orientated for anyone interested, but also me. Since I like to reference a ton of stories in each new thing sometimes.

Thanks for the power.

[quill-is-brainstorming]

So I've been working on a Thunderbolts fanfic lately, and since writer's block is being a bitch I thought maybe I could try breaking out by writing about some thoughts I've been having since I finished reading the series.

I'm also hoping to maybe find some Tbolts mutuals to talk with, because I just KNOW that's gonna be impossible when the MCU movie drops; and also my boyfriend who doesn't even read comics needs a break from my yapping. So, my actual thesis:

Redemption is impossible, and the Thunderbolts are a fundamentally broken concept. And also they're dead.

As of Semptember 2024, there is not a single member of the original Tbolts that has been redeemed. Or at least, if they have been, they're not alive.

Zemo, Fixer and Moonstone are villains, no nuance to it (Karla having been hit the hardest, yeeesh-).

Abe Jenkins is dead. Granted, they didn't show a body so who knows what I'm supposed to think. Still he's under ice for 7 years now so eh.

Songbird, Atlas and Jolt have just been gone since 2017. No explanation, they just don't appear in anything. And it's even weirder if you consider there's been not one but TWO whole Thunderbolts rosters since then (three if you count the one that appears in the Punisher, but they're so shallow and ooc I really wouldn't. Seriously why and how the fuck is Chen there).

The redemption was a core theme of the 1997 series, it was part of the premise, after all. I actually have a lot of thoughts about how the original series handles moral ambiguity as a narrative hook (very well, at least to me), but that's a rant for another day. But as the series went on, the idea of "redemption" just became more and more vague, so much so that nowadays I'd consider it practically non-existant.

The series never goes out of its way to define redemption. For the entirety of the og run, one has to assume that a character would be "redeemed" when they stop committing criminal acts and firmly abide by the other heroes' morals. And that never happens.

The Thunderbolts being morally ambigous has always been a massive part of the appeal of the series, but over time it just became the only appeal.

Thunderbolts 1997 is a story about redemption, and about a group of villains growing as people and learning to find their place in the world.

(This next bit references how each of the runs treats the premise set up by 1997. It has nothing to do with the quality of the work or my personal enjoyment of it, unless I downright state so, obviously.)

Avengers vs Thunderbolts. The whole point of that mini-series being that the Avengers can't bring themselves to consider the Thunderbolts actual heroes, and they're admittedly proven right when the Tbolts almost cause a cataclysm. Hawkeye tries to give them the benefit of the doubt, but by the end of the story he sides with the Avengers, which only drives the point home further. The Thunderbolts aren't trustworthy heroes.

New Thunderbolts and the Civil War period. None of the team members seems genuienly interested in the concept of redemption (the ones who come closest being Blizzard, who frankly isn't much of a character, Swordsman and maybe Radioactive Man. They all end up turning back into villains though, so I can't bring myself to cite them as good examples). The Civil War period is even worse, because here is where the Suidice-Squad-y idea of forcing villains to do good deeds surfaces, and trust me we'll be seeing a lot of that.

Secret War and Dark Reign are...fine. They are, by all means, awful Thunderbolts stories. They take the premise of the original series and spit it in the eye...but that's by design. Normal friggin Osborne took over the Thunderbolts, no wonder they're gonna be awful. The blatant disregard for the original series is, in my opinion, what makes these chapters of the Thunderbolts series so fun to read; especially because the characters themselves point out the sorry state of the Tbolts "brand".

Fear Itself (and I guess Dark Avengers, for a bit).

So Fear Itself is an interesting one. It starts out on a similar note to the previous two: the Thunderbolts are once again the Suicide Squad, except this time they're kept in check by some of the original Thunderbolts. Originally I was gonna bash this run because, from my recollection of it, I didn't think it made sense for Songbird, Mach and Fixer to be down to form a new Thunderbolts team so conceptually similar to Osborn's. But then I re-read a few parts to make the post, and it's way more complicated than that. (Don't mind the hellish visuals and try to hunt for Mel and Abe's panels. It just so happens that the one conversation I needed to quote is scattered like this, L. Although these panels do rock).

The characters are NOT okay with the way things are, and they criticise the circumstances they find themselves in . This story desperately wants to be a about redemption...but at the end of the day, it still isn't.

None of the convicts actually redeem themselves, Luke Cage drops out of the project, Fixer quite literally kills himself, and Songbird and Mach-V are saddled with a failure. This also happens to be the last time the government funds a Thunderbolts programme.

The previous two chapters were more of less about "Hey, isn't it fucked up that the Thunderbolts are like this now?", Fear Itself says the same thing, but with a somber tone. It is, by all means, a send-off to the original series, and I hate it almost as much as I love it.

On one hand, it's admittedly a finale that works. It's cynical, but it doesn't take pride in that, and it treats the old characters very respectfully.

On the other, I don't think this series should end on a cynical note. We know characters CAN be redeemed, Songbird and Mach are right there, so why should we just accept the Thunderbolts programme ending in a failure? Isn't it the original run's moral to keep fighting to better yourself even against the odds?

With all of that said, Fear Itself isn't an actual finale. Because we have....

2017 (and Pleasant Hill).

This is the Thunderbolts' Megamind 2. This run just feels like MCU pandering, and I frankly don't think it holds anything of value.

The Winter Soldier is now the leader of the Thunderbolts; none of them seem to have any thoughts about it, despite having literally never met him. The characters are brought together off-screen, the only character arc that happens, and that is admittedly tied to morality, ends with the character in question deciding to, LITERALLY, not do anything.

Abe Jenkins not beating the most boring Thunderbolt allegations I'm afraid. And I say this with love because I'm practically a stan of his. They fucked this character over in so many ways, it's so sad that it's kinda hilarious.

Back to 2017, it ends with the team fragmented. Half joins Zemo, Jolt fucks off no idea where, Mach-X literally dies and Songbird is left alone in an actually interesting cliffhanger that is never picked up again. And that's without mentioning that Pleasant Hill could have been the PERFECT setting for a Thunderbolts story, and the fact the morality of its existence wasn't explored in the slightest is just plain tragic.

How were the people under Kobik's control affected? How come Atlas and Blizzard are in there if they had their criminal records cleared? Why is Abe part of the staff? Doesn't he have any thoughts about keeping his own friends trapped like this? What about Songbird? What does she think? Is Pleasant Hill conceptually evil? Should anyone be able to hold that kind of power? How would the Thunderbolts, a team fundamentally created around the idea that villains can be redeemed, handle this situation?

We get no answers, of course. But hey, at least we get the Winter Soldier hanging out with a magical 6 year old. Yippeeeeeeee!!!

Yeah, I'm kinda salty about this run specifically. I don't know how you could tell.

After that, there are two more Thunderbolts runs, which I can't really talk about since I haven't ready any of them in full. The 2022 one I just skipped because I find modern Hawkeye to be a pain to read; might circle back to it one day, but it'll take some convincing. As for the 2023 one, I did read a few issues, I eventually dropped it because it had nothing to do with the Thunderbolts, and I also had trouble getting invested.

So, where does all of this leave us?

At this point in time, I don't think Marvel could pull off a good Thunderbolts story. The MCU inspired mindset wouldn't allow an exploration of the admittedly deep theme that is redemption, nor does it seem interested in doing so. There was this sort of "in-universe aura" that surrounded the Thunderbolts in the early 2000s; most characters were distrustful of the them, sure, but there was also some kind of underlying respect most seemed to feel, because the idea of villains becoming heroes and making up for past mistakes is definitely an incredibly noble one.

That aura is long gone, and I genuienly believe modern Marvel is way too cynical for this kind of approach.

And I'm frankly just sad about it. That a series which so much potential had to be squandered by a complete disinterest to use said potential. I still find 1997 to be, flawed as it is, an incredibly interesting story that handles grey morality in such a charming manner. And what's even sadder is seeing the remaining Thunderbolts walk around in modern comics as shells of their former selves.

With the MCU movie on the horizons, I doubt we'll get to see the original team (or themes) appear on page again. The Thunderbolts tag here on Tumblr has already been swarmed with clips from the trailers, character edits and the such (which is also why I'm planning on tagging my future posts as "Thunderbolts og" hopefully it helps), and the future is not looking bright.

But that's most of my thoughts about this matter. So, three remaining Thunderbolts fans, what do you think? Do you agree? Do you think I'm wrong? What's something you miss from the original series and that you'd love to see in its future? Or is it officially Joeover?

Any thoughts you have, I'd love to hear them. :>

[josalukkasblog]

The Timeless Elegance of Diamond Jewellery

Diamond jewellery has long been a symbol of elegance, luxury, and timeless beauty. These precious gemstones, formed over billions of years, hold a special place in the hearts of many. Whether it's an engagement ring, a pair of stunning earrings, or a dazzling necklace, diamond jewellery adds a touch of sophistication to any ensemble. In this blog post, we'll explore the allure of diamond jewellery, its history, and tips for choosing the perfect piece.

A Brief History of Diamond Jewellery

Diamonds have captivated human beings for centuries. The first recorded use of diamonds in jewellery dates back to ancient India, where they were valued for their strength and brilliance. By the Middle Ages, diamonds had made their way to Europe, becoming popular among royalty and the wealthy elite. The 19th century saw the discovery of large diamond deposits in South Africa, making diamonds more accessible to the general public.

The Allure of Diamond Jewellery

Timeless Beauty: Diamonds are renowned for their unmatched brilliance and fire. Their ability to refract light creates a dazzling display that has mesmerized people for generations. This timeless beauty ensures that diamond jewellery never goes out of style.

Symbolism: Diamonds are often associated with love, commitment, and purity. This symbolism makes them a popular choice for engagement rings and other significant pieces of jewellery.

Durability: As the hardest natural substance on Earth, diamonds are incredibly durable. This makes them ideal for everyday wear and ensures that they can be passed down through generations as cherished heirlooms.

Types of Diamond Jewellery

Engagement Rings: Perhaps the most iconic use of diamonds is in engagement rings. The tradition of giving a diamond ring as a symbol of commitment dates back to the 15th century. Today, there are countless styles to choose from, ranging from classic solitaires to intricate vintage designs.

Earrings: Diamond earrings come in various styles, including studs, hoops, and drop earrings. They add a touch of elegance to any outfit and are perfect for both casual and formal occasions.

Necklaces and Pendants: A diamond necklace or pendant can be a statement piece or a subtle accent. From delicate solitaire pendants to elaborate diamond-studded chains, there are options to suit every taste.

Bracelets and Bangles: Diamond bracelets and bangles are versatile pieces that can be worn alone or stacked with other jewellery. Tennis bracelets, in particular, are a popular choice for their timeless and elegant design.

Rings: Beyond engagement rings, diamond rings come in various styles, including eternity bands, cocktail rings, and stackable rings. They can be worn as statement pieces or as part of a more minimalist look.

Tips for Choosing Diamond Jewellery

The 4 Cs: When selecting diamond jewellery, consider the 4 Cs—carat, cut, colour, and clarity. These factors determine the quality and value of a diamond. Understanding them will help you make an informed decision.

Style and Preference: Choose a piece that reflects your personal style and preferences. Whether you prefer modern, minimalist designs or vintage-inspired pieces, there's a diamond jewellery option for everyone.

Budget: Set a budget before you start shopping. Diamonds come in a wide range of prices, so having a budget in mind will help you narrow down your options and find something within your price range.

Certification: Always buy diamond jewellery from a reputable jeweller and ensure that the diamonds come with certification from a recognized gemmological laboratory. This guarantees the authenticity and quality of the diamonds.

Caring for Diamond Jewellery

To keep your diamond jewellery looking its best, regular maintenance is essential. Here are some tips to help you care for your pieces:

Cleaning: Clean your diamond jewellery regularly to maintain its sparkle. Use a soft brush and a mild detergent solution to gently scrub the diamonds. Avoid using harsh chemicals or abrasive materials.

Storage: Store your diamond jewellery in a soft pouch or a jewellery box with compartments to prevent scratches. Keep individual pieces separate to avoid them rubbing against each other.

Inspections: Have your diamond jewellery inspected by a professional jeweller periodically to check for any loose stones or damage. This will help ensure that your pieces remain secure and in good condition.

Conclusion

Diamond jewellery is more than just an accessory; it's a timeless investment that holds sentimental value and can be passed down through generations. Whether you're purchasing a piece for a special occasion or as an everyday luxury, diamonds are sure to add a touch of elegance and sophistication to your life. With their enduring beauty and symbolism, diamond jewellery will continue to be cherished for many years to come.

[mubal4]

The Journal Journey Part 83

 It seems like the length of time between these entries is getting longer and longer! For those that may have tuned into the podcast last week, there were reasons outlined there – it comes down to the amount of time in the day and the priorities on want to spend that time on. My writing has taken a back seat, at least at this moment, to other more pressing matters. Our lives ebb & flow and what we feel is top of mind today, make be sacrificed tomorrow. That is okay – it is a part of the process and the journey of learning and growing. We get to make that choice, which is incredibly empowering on where we must spend our time and what needs to be sacrificed. I think some of today’s topics are relatable to and a good follow up to the podcast from last week.

 Here we go – unfortunately I didn’t note where these quotes originated.

 “Happiness is an emotion connected to circumstance. Joy is a spiritual way of engaging with the world that is connected to practicing gratitude.” – I’ve said that happiness is fleeting; it comes and goes quite easily. I can watch a Penn State, Phillies, or Eagles game with a dozen wings and a few beers and be happy. But how long does that last. I can GO TO one of those games with my wife and daughters, creating an experience and that could provide joy and fulfillment. I am grateful for both experiences, but one is lasting. Being able to create and maybe better, design, experiences – our lives, I believe enables us to have that joy. A couple of months ago I had the great fortune to help out at a foodbank with several other friends and associates – talk about fulfillment! Satisfaction! And Gratitude in so many areas. These types of experiences can also create happiness too, but I think the joy and fulfillment that is harnessed from some experiences is what we carry with us, in some cases forever.

 “A lot of people want the convenience of transformation without the inconvenience.” – Said a different way, and there is another quote out there related to this, but everyone wants that “success” until they realize the level of effort it takes to get there. We see the end result and the outcome but gloss over the years, decades, and sacrifice it took to get there. I made a commitment many years ago to change who I was and become the husband, father, and human being I must be for my family. I had no idea about the “how” or “what” I was going to have to do to get there. That didn’t enter my mind. I had that vision of what I needed to be for them. I did know however; the journey was going to more than just an inconvenience – and it has been; continues to be. One of the hardest things I’ve been experiencing along this path of transformation. Knowing that the “inconveniences” I am going through today are going to be showing up tomorrow again! It is not a process of climbing that mountain and “achieving” and that “goal.”  It is a never-ending ascent with more than just inconveniences along the way. Our transformation is never complete – we continuously improve until our time is up.

 “People don’t become who they want because they are too attached to who they have been.” – It is incredibly hard to reprogram our minds. We spend so much time absorbing so much information from the moment we are born throughout life. We are provided with guidance, advice, and programming growing up and we develop our own beliefs, opinions, and thoughts. The foundation is created, and we navigate life based on those foundational beliefs. Right, wrong, or indifferent – there truly isn’t a good or bad there, just what we learned. We find out, after 30 years, that foundation may have been cracked or we decide we want to be someone different. That is where that attachment shows up. We’ve been so committed to that past version of ourselves, the process of changing who we are and what we believe is tremendously difficult. IT takes years and years of practice to reprogram the wiring of the foundation. I am not sure if 180* is ever achieved but the more consistency we have and as we continue to show up and practicing that craft of transformation, progress is made each day. We can revert back to our old beliefs, we do! That is that “hardest part,” – knowing tomorrow that you have to show up and do it all over again. Honoring those commitments, we make to ourselves to reprogram our behaviors – it is difficult to stay consistent each day. But it can sure as hell be worth it!

[thatoneticklewriter]

Don’t Be Cruel

(Ler! Venti/ Lee! Xiao) Platonic

Summary: Venti has had enough of Xiao’s aloof attitude and decides to seek manners into his own hands.

“Ugh! I just hate that guy!” Venti squeals in frustration throwing away tonight’s dinner.

“Well, the almond tofu you made was disgusting.” Aether couldn’t help but make a face.

The bi color haired boy threw a small dinner party for Chongyun and his boyfriend Xiao. He spent days studying the different types recipes and ingredients of Almond tofu hoping to cook it right to Xiao’s taste. Though the raven thought otherwise spitting the food back onto the plate and dumping it in the trash can.

“But he didn’t have to be rude about it!” Venti snaps crossing his arms against his chest. “There were other times he was mean to me too! Like how he doesn’t wait for me whenever we get assigned to do missions together and how he sometimes shoves me whenever I’m in his way. I don’t get what Chongyun sees in that asshole.”

“I think you’re just overreacting, sweetie.” Aether smiles at his friend placing his hands on his shoulders.

“I want to get back at him so bad.” Venti clenches his fists pulling away from Aether’s grasps.

“That’s it!” The bi color haired boy shrieks as a light bulb flashes in his head. “I’m going to torture him! Yeah!”

“Um, you’re not going to actually hurt him right?” Aether gives the other a hopeful look.

“No, I’m just going to make him suffer in a way he hasn’t before.” Venti smirks holding his hands behind his back walking into his room to commence his plan.

Hey, can you get Xiao to wear that one outfit where it’s like he’s wearing overalls and a crop top? Venti texts Chongyun the following morning.

Why?????? The blunette responds a couple seconds later confused by the bi color haired boy’s intentions.

I just think he looks snazzy in it. Please! Venti makes up the quickest excuse without sounding like a complete idiot.

Fine, I will try. Is all the blunette texts back and Venti hopes Chongyun goes through with the plan.

The bi color haired boy runs across a certain unlucky friend in Mondstat.

“Hey Benny!” Venti smiles at the white haired boy.

“Oh hey!”

“So like you’re strong, aren’t you?” He questions raising an eyebrow at the other.

“Um sure, I think so? What do you need?” Bennett taps his chin glancing up at the sky.

“I need you to help me with something. All you have to do is hold my target down while I torture him.” An evil smirk crawls onto Venti’s face and Bennett backs away with horror.

“I can’t help commit a murder sorry.”

“No, no! It’s not the kind of job you think it is!” Venti grips Bennett’s wrists not wanting to lose sight of him.

“Can I at least have some more information?”

“I just want to tickle Xiao but you can’t tell anyone.” Venti holds a finger up to Bennett’s lips.

“Xiao? Why him? To be honest, I think he’s the hardest to break. He doesn’t smile at all and I doubt he knows how to laugh.” Bennett tilts his head like a dog not understanding Venti.

“Cause he’s an asshole that needs to be taught a lesson! Now are you going to help me or what?” The bi color haired boy impatiently taps his foot.

Bennett agrees to be of Venti’s service as they meet up with Xiao for their mission.

“Why are you here?” The raven stares up at Bennett with a sharp glare.

“Oh uh erm Venti asked me to tag along. In case any of you guys need healing.” Bennett chuckles rubbing his arm, hoping not to reveal too much of Venti’s plan.

“We don’t need your healing.” Xiao scoffs at the white haired boy before turning on his heel.

“I see what you mean now.” Bennett whispers to the other giving Xiao the side eye.

Venti couldn’t help but notice the bare skin on Xiao’s lower back as they walk behind him. He wondered how much the blunette begged for Xiao to wear the said outfit.

“When I say the time is right, I want you to tackle him.” Venti whispers to the white haired boy watching Xiao stroll far past ahead of them.

“I don’t want him to hurt me.” Bennett pouts at the bard.

“He won’t. I promise, just trust me.” Venti shakes his head catching up to the raven.

They find their designated group of Hilichurls they needed to defeat by a shipping port.

“You go first.” Xiao nudges Venti on the shoulder.

“Why me?” Venti cowers holding his arms above his head.

“So you can suck up all the enemies together while your weird friend and me will finish them.” The raven explains to the other and Venti lets out a sigh knowing he was right.

“Weird?” Benett raises an eyebrow at Xiao wondering what he did to deserve that title.

The bi color haired boy launches a wind current towards the oblivious hilichurls gathering them in a tornado. Both Bennett and Xiao Storm towards the enemies not even giving them a chance to stand or process what was happening.

“I think that’s the fastest we ever took down a mob.” Venti comments skipping towards the two boys.

“I’m out of here since the job is done.” Xiao holds up a hand strolling the other way.

“What!? No, you can’t go! Let’s hangout! The three of us.” Venti links arms with the raven and Xiao groans trying to get out of his grasp.

“I can think of a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t.” He sends Venti a cold look.

Now. Venti mouthed to the white haired boy and Bennett lunges at Xiao wrapping his arms around his waist as they tumble to the grass.

“Get off me! What is wrong with you?!” Xiao shouts underneath Bennett’s weight trying to shove him off.

“You’re gonna get a taste of your own medicine.” Venti giggles at the struggling raven before handcuffing his wrists and that was Bennett’s cue to let go of the other.

“You better tell me what’s going on or I’m going to rip your head off.” Xiao growls at the bard. If looks can kill, Venti would be dead by now.

“Just some cold revenge.” Venti cracks his knuckles slowly trailing his fingers along Xiao’s bare sides.

“Hey! Stop that!” The raven couldn’t help but crack a small smile flinching from Venti’s touch.

“Aww, does someone have sensitive sides?” The bi color haired boy teases playfully squeezing at Xiao’s waist.

An abrupt squeal escapes Xiao’s lips trying to face away from Venti though the bi color haired boy continues to tickle his bare sides.

“You should hold his legs so he doesn’t kick me.” Venti orders to Bennett as Xiao kept flailing his legs all over the place hoping to escape.

“Ow!” The white haired boy yelps falling onto his back after Xiao had struck him across the face with his boot. For such a small body, the raven had a powerful hit.

“Never mind! Hold his arms above his head.” Venti ordered glancing at the Bennett’s bloody nose and the white haired boy huffs under his breath.

“Let go of me!” The fiesty raven struggles under Bennett’s hold, even with handcuffs, the white haired boy can barely keep up with Xiao. They honestly needed another person for help.

Xiao’s aggressive twisting and turning comes to halt when the bi color haired boy digs his fingers into his bare armpits. With Bennett holding his arms, the poor raven was defenseless at this point. Xiao’s giggling and squealing fills the atmosphere and Venti didn’t know the stoic raven could make these kinds of sounds.

“Ahaha! Please stop!”

Venti scratches at a delicate patch of skin near Xiao’s hip bones making the raven cry.

“You’re gonna have to beg harder than that.” The bi color haired boy gives him a smug look shaking his head continuing to tease the flesh below his waist.

The raven was a laughing mess, too weak from laughter to pull away from Bennett.

“Don’t you think he’s had enough?” Bennett questions in between Xiao’s squeals watching Venti squeeze at Xiao’s lower ribs.

“We haven’t even gotten to the good part.” Venti rolls his eyes at the white haired boy and Bennet couldn’t help but feel sympathy for Xiao.

“No, no, please not there.” Xiao lets out a whine that makes Venti almost emit a wave of guiltiness. No, this is what he wants you to do.

“Wow, please two times in a row? Maybe you can be nice!” Venti jokes at the crying raven as his fingers reach dangerously close to the raven’s abdomen.

A shriek escapes from Xiao’s lips feeling Venti’s fingers flutter across his tummy and Bennett grows startle at Xiao’s vigorous writhing.

“Hold him.” Venti bosses at Bennett who almost lost grip of Xiao.

“Argh, he’s strong.” Bennett hisses doing his best to contain Xiao’s flails.

“I’ll be nice ahaha I promise.” Xiao wheezes in between laughter though Venti seems skeptical of the raven’s intentions.

“I’m not totally convinced yet. How do I know you’ll change once I let you go?” Venti raises an eyebrow before squeezing the sides of the raven’s tummy with his thumbs and Xiao squeals arching his back.

“I’ll change!” He fights back once again though Bennett was prepared to keep him still not wanting to make Venti furious.

“Hmmm, you’re not going to be mean to me anymore?” Venti playfully hums loving the reaction of Xiao begging and hollering when he dips a finger in his navel.

“I won’t! I swear!” Xiao whimpers as a tear rolls down his cheek.

Venti finally gets off of the raven letting Xiao catch his breath.

“Can you take this off me?” The raven quietly asks feeling embarrassed. “Please?”

“Why, certainly!” Venti giggles getting on his knees uncuffing Xiao.

“Sorry about your nose.” Xiao apologizes to Bennett refusing to look him in the eye.

“Oh it’s fine, it stopped bleeding.” Bennett smiles shaking the other off.

“Hey Xiao, you’re pretty cute when your smiling. I see why Chongyun likes you now.” Venti taunts the raven pondering how long this kind facade will last.

“Erm, thanks.” Is all the raven says as a small blush appears on his pale cheeks.

The boys part ways, Xiao going back to Wangshu inn and Venti and Bennett to Mondstat.

“Do you think he’ll stay that way?” Bennett curiously asks the bi color haired boy on the walk towards the city.

“Something tells me he will.” Venti throws his head back as a evil chuckle escapes his lips.

[all1e23]

Between the Stars [Pt.7]

Pairings: Past!Steve x Reader, Bucky x  Reader

Series warnings: CHARACTER DEATH. Grief. Overall sadness. Depression. It’s pretty angsty if I’m being honest. Things mellow out as the series goes on. TW: Military/Spouse death

A/N:   This might be my favorite chapter yet. Bucky is soft, and I love him. Reminder because I know the timeline for this fic is confusing with switching between readers and Bucky's POV, we are eight months past Steve's death. Bucky has been home with her for seven. Thanks to my beautiful beta @moonbeambucky​​​ for looking this chapter over for me. If you like it write me a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me.

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!****

Eight months after Steve’s death, Y/n was playing again. It wasn’t on the same scale as it once was and she was no longer teaching, not that it mattered. It was a big deal, Bucky didn’t downplay just how huge this was. She had given up, threw out her dreams in search of new ones as some misguided form of punishment; maybe she thought it was her penance for some terrible crime she convinced herself she committed by living. Bucky understood that feeling better than most, he really did, but she had nothing to atone for. The only one who needed absolution was Bucky and he hoped that by helping her get her life back, he was earning a tiny bit of forgiveness for everything he had done.  

Nothing would ever completely absolve him, but he prayed this would help to even the scales.

Over the last month, Y/n hasn’t mentioned Steve as much. Bucky didn’t know if that was because she was starting to heal or if it hurt too much to keep talking about him. She still slept in his room most nights, only slightly closer to him now, her foot usually wrapped around his ankle and Steve’s pillow was no longer hugging her back -- it was still there every night though. A handful of nights she fell asleep on the couch watching trashy late-night television and Bucky didn’t know if he should pick her up and carry her to bed. Was it too intimate of a gesture? Should he touch her that way? And if he did what bed would he take her to? It wasn’t something he was ready to test and he wouldn’t risk the potential hurt the wrong move could make. So he let her sleep, and stayed close by, sleeping on the small window bench nearby in case she needed him. 

Things began to resemble something better, calmer and there was a bit of normalcy returning. They even started going out. It began with small outings, a trip or two to the market, or down to the Mexican restaurant twenty minutes away for takeout. A few Fridays back, they spent the entire day at one of those you-pick farms a couple of hours away from the house. She told him she wanted to go get peaches. Bucky wasn’t about to tell her no or tell her that they could pick some up at the grocery store without the hassle of having to pick them off a tree. No, he wouldn’t do that. This was a big step for her; she wanted to go out, and well, she’s so damn pretty when she’s smiling. 

The farm was enormous for the area, sitting at around 200 acres. They had blueberries, pumpkins, peaches, and strawberries. Some of the produce wasn’t ready to pick, but Bucky knew Y/n was planning their next trip as soon as the seasons changed, and he really didn’t mind. They had a petting zoo they found upon arrival, at which point Y/n squealed over the baby goats, and they spent some forty-odd minutes feeding them. Then Bucky spent the next hour talking her out of having a baby goat of her own. Okay, Bucky would get her a damn goat if she really wanted one, but he was praying she would forget about it on the drive home. There was a hay maze that was still in the process of being prepped for the upcoming season but Y/n’s eyes lit up at the mere thought. 

The food had to be Y/n’s favorite most of all. 

There were candied peach slices that she had been so excited about. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh when Y/n had a bite with too much of the ginger that was sprinkled on top and wrinkled her nose in disgust. She glared at him, but it only made him grin wider. They both tried the vanilla scones with fresh peach jam and shared a large Mason jar full of peach iced tea because she said it was silly to spend the extra money when they could share. One sip and all Bucky could think about was the sweetness on his lips is what she would taste like.

Maybe the food had been Bucky’s favorite part, too.

The sun was starting to set, and despite being forced to leave the goats behind thanks to closing, Y/n was still smiling. Bucky followed behind her, letting her lead him to whatever tree she deemed had the best peaches. Y/n delicately placed three more peaches in the pail he was carrying and then set her eyes on him, scrutinizing and somehow still playful. She stepped towards him and flicked the bill of his NASA ball cap, causing it to pop up and sit crooked on his head, and she grinned at the feigned look of annoyance he was giving her. 

“I can’t see your face when you wear a cap.”

She told him that as if it was an excuse for her assault on his favorite hat. 

“Well, I’m trying to hide my stupid looking hair.” 

She giggled at that. 

Y/n giggled, and the little bit of his heart that didn’t belong to her became hers. She leaned in, and if he was a stupider man, he would have thought she was going to kiss him by the look in her eyes and how close their lips were. Y/n slowly reached up and pulled his hat off his head only to plop it on top of her own. If she was his, he would have pulled her close and claimed those pretty lips, savoring the honeyed peach and candied ginger he knew was still lingering on her tongue as he took his sweet time tasting her. He would have kissed her until she was smiling and giggling and sighing in that soft way she does when she’s really happy. 

She wasn’t his. So he didn’t. 

But he would dream about what it would be like if she was. 

“Looks better on me anyway,” Y/n told him with a grin, wandering off towards the next row of trees. 

Bucky could only watch as she walked away with his hat and his heart. He mumbled quietly to the peaches hanging nearby, “Yes, it does.” 

After their outing, their day trips became something they both looked forward to. It wasn’t their norm. In the past, they spent a lot of their time watching movies, sitting in the quiet enjoying each other’s company, or Bucky would read while she played and worked on her music. But this new normal was good, too. It was nice to see more than the seafoam green walls of her living room, and he would do just about anything if it made her happy. 

“Hey.” 

Bucky looked up from his spot on the couch to find Y/n standing next to him in those black skinny jeans that make his knees weak and a plain white t-shirt. He knew she was wearing that black lace bra of hers because he could make out the imprint of the lace against the delicate fabric of her shirt, and he recognized the design from an embarrassing mix-up on laundry day. Bucky couldn’t seem to find his voice so he met her gaze, a question lingering in his own eyes as he waited for her to spill whatever she was so excited about.

“Wanna take me out?” 

He laughed softly and closed the book in his hand. He found it funny that she still asked him that. The answer would always be yes. For her, it’s always yes. 

“I’ll take you wherever you wanna go, Y/n.”

They went out to dinner that night. It wasn’t anything lavish, but it was the right amount of rowdy. There was a band playing out on the patio and the music carried through the open doors to where they shared a small booth inside, it was loud but not so they couldn’t talk. She ordered pasta because pasta always makes her happy, and Bucky tries his hardest to make sure she’s happy. They talked a lot, well, she talked a lot. That wouldn’t be so strange if she hadn’t been so closed off the last eight months. 

Bucky let her talk about how she wanted to see if the band had any shows soon because she wanted to see them play in a better venue, and she told him she liked lights the restaurant had above the tables -- a large beam with hanging Edison bulbs wrapped around them. She talked about the funny picture of him Sam posted on Instagram. Bucky had rolled his eyes at that. Sam had the bad habit of taking candid photos of everyone, and he always posted the worst ones of Bucky. This one happened to be from the worst possible angle; the camera caught his mouth hanging wide open as Bucky took a bite out half of a cheese pizza, folded over and covered in potato chips. Some people eat pizza that way, it wasn’t weird or funny, and Bucky stood by that. The night was perfect, but even perfection has a few cracks if you look hard enough. 

Someone had mistaken them for a couple that night, and Bucky was quick to correct them. He informed the older man and his wife that she was his best friend, she was taken by another lucky man. It was all platonic Bucky had said. Y/n didn’t say anything. She watched Bucky charm the older couple and gave them a friendly smile and a wave as they walked away. 

“Platonic,” she muttered quietly once it was just them again. 

Bucky looked up from his half-eaten burger and ketchup soaked fries, took in the furrow of her brow, and the frown sitting where a smile was beaming only a few moments ago, and his heart sank. 

None of that was good. 

“Yeah, Trouble.” 

Bucky’s eyes dropped to the wedding band she was still wearing without meaning to, and she quickly pulled her hand under the table. The rest of dinner was quiet, and they didn’t speak about it again. 

--

They never talked about what happened at the farm or dinner that night, but whatever bothered her the night at the restaurant hadn’t caused a setback in the healing process as Bucky had feared. It seemed forgotten. Bucky was thankful for that, and he was thankful for days like today. Y/n wanted to spend the day at home, relaxing. She informed him that today would be perfect if she could spend the day with just him. She might have said something like, “I just want to spend today curled up on the couch watching movies with you.” Not that Bucky memorized the way her voice sounded when she said that or anything. 

Three movies into their marathon and Y/n declared they needed a break. She was going to figure out something to eat for dinner, and Bucky wasn’t sure how it happened, but he found himself upstairs, staring at a ghost. The letters Steve gave him have been tucked away in a drawer of the old desk that sat in the corner of his room. They caused him more heartache than Steve intended Bucky was sure. Or maybe this was exactly what Steve wanted. This was his punishment for loving her. Bucky tapped the letter on the desk and ran a hand down his face, Bucky had hoped they would disappear, and he wouldn’t have to look at them again, but there all twelve sat. 

A heavy-handed fist pounded on the front door, startling Bucky out of his trance and his stomach dropped at the sound. He wasn’t down there with Y/n, not that she needed him to answer the door, and lord knows if she knew he dared to even think about babying her like that, she would chew him out for a week straight. Still, he didn’t like leaving her completely on her own, not yet. Bucky tossed the letter back in the drawer, and hastily closed it before trampling downstairs. 

Bucky made out a familiar voice as he reached the bottom of the stairs. “Well, you never answer your phone anymore, and I figured you were spending all your time with-” 

Her father met Bucky’s eyes, and he grinned.

“-Bucky. Well, shit, son. It’s good to see you home.” 

Bucky grinned and took the hand that was extended towards him. He hadn’t expected it to be her father at the door; he thought Sam or maybe Natasha. It made sense, though. No one has come by to check on her since he’s been home. It was about time they started to get visitors, and Y/n didn’t answer her phone much anymore, so if someone wanted to talk to her showing up like this was their only choice. Bucky knew she wasn’t doing that on purpose, she had to put some things off in order to keep going, and there wasn’t any shame in that. 

He was doing the very same thing. 

Y/n was uncomfortable, whether her dad knew Bucky wasn’t sure. Bucky knew, though. She hates small talk, so Bucky knew when Y/n said she was starting the grill, she just wanted a moment to breathe without being judged; a minute so she could prepare mentally for a guest when she didn’t want one. Bucky could keep her dad busy until she was ready for idle chit chat and undoubtedly Invasive questions. How hard could it be to keep up a conversation and look for a small fire on the porch? 

He could handle it; smoke meant they had to run. It would be fine. 

“I thought you would’ve stopped by before now.” 

Bucky passed over an amber-colored bottle from the fridge, taking a beer for himself and leaned against the counter. It probably wasn’t proper or how Steve would entertain him, but Bucky wasn’t Steve. He didn’t even know why he was thinking about that. This was still Steve’s house and his wife, no matter how much Bucky wished this life was his. 

“Well, I knew she was in good hands. She has you.” 

He smiled but shook his head. “I appreciate that. She’s probably helping me more than I’m helping her.” 

“I doubt that.” 

Bucky caved under the weight of his stare and grudgingly nodded his head in agreement (or cession depending on who you ask). He has yet to win an argument with her dad, and Bucky wasn't about to try to now. 

"We haven't had a chance to talk since you've been home. I've meaning to come by.  Y'know how much we love Steve; we always have." 

Bucky tried to keep his face impassive, his grip on the bottle in his hand tightened, and he could feel his stomach-churning. Where the hell was this going? 

“He was a good man and a good husband. Took care of Y/n, made sure she was happy and was always respectful.” 

Bucky relaxed some when he realized he was simply praising his lost friend, and he nodded, taking a swig of his beer to wash his guilt down. Yeah, that was Steve. The polished side of the coin. The hero, not the broken sidekick.The better of the two. Bucky heard the speech before; it was one truth he knew well. 

“But I always thought it was going to be you.” 

Bucky froze and by some small miracle managed to keep his face blank as the older man went on, “Even up to the day of the wedding I had this feeling one of the girls were going to come running in, flowers in their hair to tell me she ran off with you and the wedding was off.” 

Bucky huffed. “She would never do that.” 

Her dad smiled and nodded his agreement. “She wouldn’t, but you would have.”

Bucky licked his lips and dropped his gaze to the counter, not risking the chance the truth could be seen in his eyes. He couldn’t lie and say he didn’t think about it after Steve proposed. That he didn’t let it play out like some romantic drama in his head where he got to her just in time and told her the truth, the whole real, painful truth, and she loved him back all along. 

But she didn’t. She loved Steve, still did. 

It was obvious any time Steve was mentioned or when something reminded her of him. He could see it written all over her how much she still loved Steve, and Bucky couldn’t blame her. He still loved Steve too. Despite everything, Bucky loved them both. 

“Give her time to work through her grief, and I’m guessing you need to deal with your own. Losing someone you love is never easy. The time will come though when you both can move on. I’m not saying you’ll do that together or that I think you should, but there may be the chance to in the future. If you were looking for hope of some sort, well, that’s the best I can offer you.” 

Y/n had found her way back into the kitchen, no smoke in sight and their conversation ended there. It wasn’t one Bucky wanted to continue anyway. Not when the hope he was offering didn’t exist. Bucky tried to leave them alone so she could spend alone time with her dad, but she gave him the look, the one that pleaded with him to stay and tugged on his heart. So he stayed by her side until the stars were shining brightly and they were alone once again. 

Bucky had been more careful with his affection after that. He was meaningful in his touch and waited to make sure he meant each one. Not that it was that hard to do, he meant every one. When it came to Y/n, everything Bucky did had meaning, a purpose. 

Y/n had started asking him to go on a walk around sunset every night. It was getting cooler out now that autumn was right around the corner, and she liked to watch how everything around them changed -- slowly almost without notice.

Their walk tonight felt different. Things had changed between them, when Bucky didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what they had changed to, but he wasn’t going to question it. He was afraid if he did, she would realize her mistake, and all these small moments between them would stop. Halfway through their walk, Y/n had let her hands hang by her side instead of staying crossed over her chest. When they were kids, she would do that when she wanted Bucky to hold her hand, or maybe he imagined that she ever truly wanted to hold his hand. 

Bucky never could figure her out.

He never knew what she meant when she would lean in close to whisper something in his ear and pull away just as fast. When she would tease him and give him that giggle that had his heart stopping and restarting like an old engine that was about to give out. He could never tell if she felt something beyond what they already were; if she wanted him the way he wanted her. 

Her street was just up the hill, and Bucky finally gave in to the screaming in his chest because feeling her hand in his once more was all he could think about. He slowly slid his fingertips down her forearm until he reached her palm. He risked a peek at her as he laced their fingers together and caught the smile she was trying to hide by dropping her head to gaze down to her white high-tops and his black boots. 

Bucky didn’t know if Y/n wanted to hold his hand, and at this point, he wasn’t sure if he knew her as well as he thought, but he sure did love that smile.

Previous // Next

[vampiregirl1797]

You’re My Eternal Love

Edward Cullen x Reader

 GIF Not Mine.

 Warnings: Self-depreciation, pining, minor angst, major fluff. Bella isn’t nice in this one guys.

 Word count: 14,843—super long so be sure to grab yourself some snacks and a cuppa tea!

 Click Here For My Masterlist.

 Summary: Bella and Y/N go to Italy to stop Edward from committing suicide. It’s going to be a difficult excursion for more reasons than Y/N can possibly imagine. For starters, she doesn’t possess the same mind defences as her sister, meaning she’s much more vulnerable to the gifts of Aro and Jane. But that isn’t going to stop her from helping to save the man she’s secretly in love with. She’s done a very good job at keeping it quiet so far, especially with Edward’s ability to read her thoughts. Y/N is well aware that she’s risking her life, but as long as Edward’s is saved, her own existence is of little consequence to her. The danger, she’s prepared for, but to have more revealed than she’s ready to reveal is going to be the hardest part. Everything has the potential to fall to pieces, but will it? Also let’s pretend that Bella is a year younger, putting her in junior year and Y/N in senior year.

 I took a deep breath as I processed everything that I’d just been told. Edward had gone to the Volturi—Vampire royalty who created and enforced rules that everyone belonging to that species must follow—in order to end his own life. I internally cursed my sister’s recklessness.

 ‘Let’s just jump off the cliff, Y/N. What’s the worst that could happen?’

 She’d dragged me along to keep her company on LA Push beach as she waited for Jake—her new love interest—to finish his wolf patrol and meet her. The werewolf had forewarned her that he’d probably be late, so I was a means to avoid boredom. If she hadn’t played the sister card, I wouldn’t have gone. If I’d just ignored her insistence at trying another reckless activity, this wouldn’t be happening. Edward would be living his immortal life danger free in… wherever the hell he had been. But no, Bella had insisted that it would be a rush, something Jake had got her hooked onto after she’d bought him some bikes to fix up as an excuse to spend some time with him. She’d gone first, even though I’d still been trying to talk her out of it, and I’d waited anxiously on the cliff edge for her face to break the surface of the angry blue sea so that my nerves would fade. But that hadn’t happened. She didn’t come up, and stupidly, I’d gone after her. If I’d stopped to think logically I would have realized that I was human, too. If Bella hadn’t been able to fight the waves to escape the ocean, why would I have a chance? I should have screamed for help, perhaps loud enough for some of the resident werewolves to hear if they were nearby.

 Unfortunately, logic and reasoning goes out of the window when someone you love, when your sister, is in danger. So without thought, only glaring panic echoing throughout my veins, I’d jumped in, the ice-cold water encasing me like a predator caging its prey. Again, if I’d been calm enough to be rational, I wouldn’t have wasted the precious energy I’d had frantically searching, my arms slashing as fast as they could through the dark abyss of water. Any attempts to locate my sister had failed and in a moment of sheer stupidity, I’d opened my mouth, as if to call out her name. The water rushing into my mouth and down into my lungs had been the last thing I remembered as I closed my eyes and allowed death to claim me.

When I’d woken up on the beach, my lungs burning and throat raw, with Sam Uley standing over me I’d been disorientated. But the wave of realization washed over me with more ferocity than the waves had, and I was soon frantically looking around for Bella. She had been fine, sat over on a fallen log about twenty feet away on Jacob’s lap. He was holding her close and I’d remembered the shot of betrayal that shot through my heart like an arrow at her lack of concern. It burned like I’d been branded with a constant reminder of how little my sister appeared to care for me. When I looked back to the alpha werewolf, to thank him for saving my life, he’d told me I was welcome without taking his disapproving eyes off Bella. That had been the first time my defensive hackles hadn’t rose at the sight of someone criticizing my family—I was always in her corner, but in that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to even muster up an insincere effort. Sam had taken me home, not addressing the elephant in the car, and I waited until I was in the security of my bedroom to let the tears fall.

 I had been starting to wonder if anyone—other than Charlie and Renée even cared about me. I thought the Cullen’s had loved me like family, I knew I had loved, still loved, them in that manner. All but one. I banished that thought from my head and returned to my original thought. If my own sister didn’t care if I lived or died, then how could I be sure that any of the Cullen’s had loved me like I loved them? That particular thought had me wallowing in self-pity for most of the day and after I’d showered, I’d basically collapsed into my bed and allowed exhaustion to claim me. Apparently almost dying really took it out of you.

 I’d woken to my shoulder being shaken by something very cold and as if my depressing thoughts had conjured them—well one of them—Alice Cullen had been stood there with a relieved and confused expression on her face. I’d told her everything that happened and she filled me in on some of the things the Cullen’s had been up to, though her details on Edward were minimal. I assumed that was because she didn’t want me to potentially pass on information that would hurt my sister, so I didn’t comment, though I myself was secretly relieved. Information on the boy who’d never known—would never know—that I loved him was just too much for me to handle. Bella had joined us well past dark and had a much more resigned reunion with the pixie haired Cullen. I’d been confused at her lack of enthusiasm, but she was polite enough and agreed with my insistence that Alice should stay with us for at least a few days before she left again. But she didn’t seem to care either way, and I found myself irked by that before a thought entered my mind: what if the presence of Edward’s sister was bringing up memories that were simply too difficult for her to bear? I softened marginally after considering that, but not much.

 But apparently, that hadn’t been the reason for her indifference at all, as while Alice stood in front of where Bella and I were sat on the small couch in our home, my sister couldn’t appear less interested in what the psychic vampire was saying to us. I felt my first spark of anger then, but I pushed it down knowing that I needed to convince her to come with us, otherwise we’d have no hope of saving him, and the possibility of that hurt too much for me to consider it for more than half a second.

 ‘Bella, we have to go. This is Edward we’re talking about, you owe it to him to let him know you’re alive at the very least.’ I insisted, I knew my eyes were most likely burning with panic that she wouldn’t go and anger that she looked between the vampire and me as if we were discussing the weather forecast.

 Something in my expression must have convinced her, or maybe she realized that if Alice wanted to get her to Italy, she would be able to very easily whether she wanted to go or not. Either way, I ran to my room and frantically packed two backpacks, one for each of us, full of essentials before I returned to the living room where Alice was already waiting. Bella pulled on her jacket and took her designated backpack without complaint or haste while I retrieved our passports from the drawer in the kitchen. I scribbled out a note to Charlie explaining that Alice, Bella and I were taking an impromptu trip to Seattle to spend some quality girl time together before Alice left again. I apologized for the timing but promised that we’d be in touch. I scribbled down Alice’s cell number and signed our names. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too mad, or worried, but I knew those hopes were fruitless because of course he would be. But I didn’t let that concern me as I slid into Alice’s car, at least not while I had bigger concerns on my mind. I ignored the screeching of the tires as she gunned the accelerator and sat back in my seat, eyes closing as I tried to pacify myself with imagining Edward happy and most importantly… alive.

 This had better work.

 //

 When we finally arrived in Volterra, the heart of the Volturi city, Bella had been sent off to the clock tower while Alice and I made our way to them through the shadows. I had lost sight of her in all the pedestrians wearing read from head to toe, and I found anxiety swirling in my stomach as I hoped she moved with more urgency than she’d been showing all day. If Edward exposed himself and died because Bella didn’t move with enough haste… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to forgive her.

 We located them in the alley underneath the clock tower, but neither looked happy to be in one another’s presence. In fact, Bella looked down right pissed and Edward wasn’t far off, either. The only difference in his behaviour was that his eyes held relief alongside the anger. Despite what I was sure would turn into a lover’s reunion that would wound me irreparably, I couldn’t find it within myself to care because Edward was okay. I leaped into his arms as soon as I’d saw him, not giving it a second thought as my own relief overpowered me and controlled my actions without permission.

 Before any words could be spoken between the four of us, two vampires joined us in the shadows. Their names were revealed to be Demetri and Felix and I felt myself tense as they revealed that the Volturi wanted to see all of us. My eyes flitted to my sister and away again before I gave away any weakness. She might not have cared for my well being, but I certainly cared for hers. I didn’t try to fight the sheer panic and anxiety that formed in my gut as we were herded underground by the two male vampires and the other female, Jane, that had joined us moments after. What was going to happen? They couldn’t have wanted to see Bella and I out of mere curiosity. I felt myself shiver as I realized the implication of our presence—we were going to die. I wondered if there would be any way that I could barter my life to save Bella’s, but why would they even consider that as an option, when they could easily kill us both anyway? It wasn’t like I had something to offer them that they would be interested in. It hit me then; Bella had a better chance of getting out of this than I did, regardless. Her mind defenses made her interesting, and I could only hope that Aro and the others would see potential and allow her to leave if she became immortal. That was what she wanted, anyway. And seeing as she didn’t care if I lived or died, it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to leave me behind to feed the hungry vampires. I fought back a shudder at the thought but felt myself relax with the knowledge that Edward, Alice and Bella had a very good chance of leaving here alive.

 I jolted when a cold hand enveloped mine and looked into the black eyes of Edward, gazing at me with a mixture of concern and fury. I wondered what I had done to receive such a reception but I realized that he’d probably been hearing my inner monologue and I felt my lips tilt up into a sheepish smile. I also felt my heart squeeze in hope—if he was angry with me discussing my death with myself so calmly and clinically, maybe he did care for me? Maybe all of the Cullen’s did? Or perhaps his selflessness wouldn’t allow the thought of another sacrificing their own life for his immortal one. I sighed at that thought; it was more likely after all.

 It didn’t seem to take long for us to reach the room we were expected in, or maybe it did. I’d been so lost in my own thoughts I hadn’t really been paying attention. If Edward hadn’t taken it upon himself to guide me, I probably would have ended up walking into the back of Jane, not realizing we’d stopped. I definitely would have been dinner then. I blinked myself out of my self inflicted daze and glanced around, noting the medieval structure of the small, circular room. I felt like I’d travelled back in time to the sixteenth century as the interior felt so much like a castle. The grey cobble stones made up the walls from floor to ceiling and I felt myself shiver as the coolness of the room caught up with me. The three vampires we were here to see sat in front of us on three identical wooden thrones. Aro I recognized from the painting I’d been shown once; he sat in the middle. Another dark haired vampire sat in the throne to his right, while a blonde male sat in the seat to his right. Aro looked positively delighted at our appearance, as if we were old friends who’d simply popped in for a friendly visit. I shuddered at the over familiarity and wondered if the recognition in his eyes were because of a gift similar to Alice’s. Did he know we were coming?

 He stepped down from his throne, stopping a few feet away from the four of us, clapping his hands together in delight just once before they dropped to his sides. Bella stiffened as his eyes trailed over her with moderate interest, but when they fell on me he positively beamed, much to my confusion. Edward stiffened and gripped my hand tighter, pulling me half a step behind him. I wondered what Aro had thought for him to do that, but I didn’t comment on it, trusting his judgment.

 ‘No need to fret, Edward. I simply wished to introduce myself to your… friend.’ I frowned at his emphasis on that word, his tone implied that he knew something I didn’t, which didn’t make any sense.

 ‘I understand Bella is immune to your abilities, but Y/N is not. After seeing her from your mind, your point of view, I am more than curious to see inside this particular humans head.’ He practically purred and I wondered if I would lose my head if I told him to fuck off. Probably.

 ‘What are your abilities exactly?’ I asked, my voice no more than a murmur, but that wasn’t a problem for my present company.

 ‘Aro can read every thought your mind has ever had with just one touch.’ Edward told me, his eyes remaining on the ancient vampire stood before us but his head tilted in my direction to avoid miscommunication.

 I felt my eyes widen in horror and I spoke without thinking, ‘absolutely not.’

 That only seemed to pique his interest more, if that were possible. His dark iris’s positively gleamed and he took half a step forward, pausing at the growl that left Edward’s throat. I felt my heart skip a beat at the sound, not out of fear, but surprise.

 ‘It’s nothing to fear, child. Just one touch, it’s completely painless and I must say, your reluctance has me wondering what you’re so eager to hide.’ He grinned and I wanted to scream.

 ‘I’m not worried about pain; I’m more worried about invasion of privacy. Edward I’m used to, at least with him I only have to worry about what he hears when he’s around, but for you to hear everything, things that are supposed to be private… well I can’t say I like the idea.’ I ran my free hand through my hair, stressed because I knew that Aro seeing all of my thoughts would mean that Edward would be able to read them at the same time.

 Everything I’d worked so hard to hide would be laid out on a silver platter. A wave of nausea washed over me and Edward held me tighter to his side, I felt myself relax as the cold chased away the sudden bought of sickness but my fear remained. But as I met Aro’s eyes again, I could see his patience wavering. Him “asking” had never really been him offering a choice, it had been him attempting to allude to a sense of security that I knew he wouldn’t deliver. I had no options in this. Not really. I sighed and stepped forward so that I was now half a step in front of the vampire who still had a hold on me, in more ways than one. I held out my free hand, palm up and tried not to wince when the black haired vampire was suddenly stood right in front of me, taking my thoughts greedily. His eyes glazed over as if he were suddenly somewhere else and I tried to hold back the sheer terror attempting to break free by distracting myself at how different each vampire’s skin felt. Edward’s was as cool as marble but some how soft—Aro’s felt like sandpaper that had been pulled from the freezer. I longed to release his hand but I knew it would be pointless to even try; I’d probably cause myself more harm. So I stood there for what felt like hours as Aro sifted through every thought I’d ever had with the look of a reader flicking through their favourite book. When he did release me, his eyes not quite yet returning to reality, Edward scooped me up and put a three-foot gap between me and Aro before I’d fully registered that I was even freed from the sand paper touch. I avoided Edward’s expression, afraid of what I would see now that he knew what I’d been keeping to myself for so long. Despite the panic that my feelings were most definitely going to complicate everything, I couldn’t help the small echo of relief at him, at someone, finally knowing the secret I’d buried deep inside myself. Even if one of those people was a member of the deadliest coven in the world.

 ‘So… fascinating!’ He yelled with childlike glee, his eyes flickering between Edward and I, ‘to see how much you pine for one another, how much pain could have been avoided by simple communication!’

 I frowned, confused and despite my head telling me not to, I looked up to the vampire still holding me to see his expression completely blank and void of emotion. I sighed in annoyance, wishing I could read his mind like he could so easily read mine. Aro must have misunderstood. There is simply no way that the godlike perfection of Edward Cullen would pine after me when he was so enraptured with my sister.

 ‘You don’t believe me, do you child?’ Aro’s voice caused me to look back over to him and I felt unnerved at the smug, knowing expression he wore.

 ‘You believe his heart lies with her.’ His eyes left mine to look over to the only other human in the room, his eyes narrowing in what appeared to be distaste before his dark gaze was once again back on me, ‘you believe he came here to end his own life because Bella jumped into the water.’

 I felt a flash of irritation through the confusion that was swirling through my belly. I wanted an explanation over what the hell was going on, but I didn’t want it from him. I wanted it from the vampire standing next to me, the vampire who hadn’t yet relaxed his tense and protective stance beside me. I looked past Alice, who was stood next to Edward, to my sister and wondered why she didn’t seem as confused as I did. But there was no emotion on her face. She wasn’t angry at me potentially being in love with her ex-boyfriend. If anything she looked uninterested and I briefly wondered if she loved the werewolf more than I’d realized. I’d thought he was just a rebound, after all how could anyone truly replace the incredible person she had lost due to his desire to keep her safe? Evidently, I was wrong. Bella was over Edward, perhaps more than I’d realized, and I wondered for the first time if she’d ever even missed him. If the haze she’d briefly slipped into upon his departure hadn’t been depression as I’d originally thought, but rather indifference. The answer hit me like a slap in the face.

 She’d never loved him.

 That was why it had been so easy for her to carry on as if nothing had happened. That was why she didn’t care about Edward potentially killing himself. I wondered then if I’d simply been deluding myself for the months they were together, if I’d merely been projecting the way I’d felt about the vampire onto my sister, because I couldn’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t love him with every fiber of their being.

 But if that was the case, why had they dated for so long? Why had Edward left to protect her, if there had been no love between them to begin with?

 I sighed, looking back up to Edward again, appraising his expression carefully, but it was no use. He was a master of control—he simply looked calm, emotionless and I felt like I wanted to scream in frustration. I wanted an explanation from him. I wanted to know what was going on, definitely, but I didn’t want to hear Edwards’s thoughts edited by Aro. I wanted to hear them directly, from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. But it didn’t look like I had a choice because Aro was only too delighted to relay what he’d seen like he was re-accounting his favorite TV show for those who’d missed it, and Edward was frozen still.

 ‘The most interesting part about it all is your unwillingness to admit your feelings for her, Edward, despite the fact you feel so… broken without her around.’ He tusked as he thought, most likely flicking through all he had seen, ‘you—.’

 I blinked in surprise when Edward finally unfroze, his eyes turning to me for the first time in what felt like years. I was taken aback by the emotion swirling in his dark, thirsty eyes and found myself unable to look away as he spoke, his soft voice wrapping around me like velvet.

 ‘You’re right, I do owe you an explanation and I will give it to you.’ He took an unnecessary breath, ‘your sister’s blood isn’t the blood that is irresistible to me, yours is. I dated Bella as a way of having an excuse to be near you, without being too close. I didn’t trust myself, you see, and when your sister got hurt all I saw was how easy it would be for you to be fatally injured because of me. I couldn’t bear it. That’s why I left; I figured it would be what was best for you. You didn’t know how I felt, how much I love you—your life would be untouched by me, and you’d be able to live the normal, happy life you deserved.’

 I could feel the surprise on my face, but my thoughts were spinning too fast for me to worry about my expression in that moment. Could he care about me enough to fake a relationship in order to assure I was protected from himself? I couldn’t believe it, and yet I could. I’d have be stupid to ignore the love shining in his eyes as he looked at me, to disregard the gentle and tender way that he held me. Edward loved me. My heart like it was going to expand out of my chest as I thought I love you, Edward. I always have and I always will. His eyes softened, and before him I never would have believed that black eyes could be gentle, but they were and I felt myself melting into his touch, not caring about our audience.

 There was still so much we needed to talk about, like why Bella had gone along with the relationship—she would have known that Edward’s love wasn’t genuine, that I was sure of, my sister was anything but unobservant—so why hadn’t she said anything first? I’d also needed to lecture Edward on keeping his feelings from me, on coming to Italy to end his—God, I couldn’t even finish the thought—but I was aware that there was a possibility that I wasn’t going to leave here alive. And strangely, I couldn’t bring myself to muster up too much panic over that. Knowing Edward loved me as I loved him? That was all I needed to die happy. Maybe that sounded crazy, but it was the truth. I noticed Edward’s eyes harden at the turn my thoughts had taken and he held me tighter against his side, his body once again becoming very still. His change in behaviour seemed to heighten the tension in the air, tension that I’d been blind to as we’d been lost in our own bubble for who knows how long, but I was very aware of it now.

 ‘Right, well obviously we have a matter to discuss and a verdict to come to.’ Aro smiled, his face suddenly malicious as he thought over what he could accuse us of to justify our deaths.

 I only hoped Bella, Alice and Edward would leave here alive. After all, the two vampires hadn’t broken any laws after all and Bella had the excuse of already knowing about vampires because of her werewolf boyfriend.

 ‘I don’t see how any punishments should be administered, Aro.’ Edward spoke up, his voice full of confidence and assertiveness, though his expression remained as expressionless as stone, ‘no rules were broken.’

 The blonde vampire in one of the three thrones spoke up for the first time, his long, bony finger pointing at me and then Bella as he spoke, ‘that is not true. You’ve exposed our secrets to humans. They know too much, they must either be turned or destroyed.’

 ‘Yes, Caius I would agree with you, when it comes to Y/N, but Bella is a little more complicated, I’m afraid.’ Aro pursed his lips, placing his hands to his face in a prayer potion that I was too on edge to find irony in, ‘she cohorts with werewolves, our natural enemies, and therefore her knowledge of our existence can be justified.’

 I breathed a sigh of relief at that and tried to ignore the smug smile that formed on my sister’s lips. Aro’s dark eyes turned to me next and I felt a shiver slither down my spine.

 ‘Y/N, with you my brother is correct. Humans are merely forbidden to know of our existence, except for unique circumstances, of course,’ his eyes flickered to Bella and back to me so quickly that I wondered if I’d imagined it, ‘unless Edward is willing for you to become immortal and prove it, then unfortunately you’ll die here today.’

 A growl rumbled in Edward’s chest at the threat behind the ancient vampire’s words and he held me tighter. I knew what I wanted. It was something I’d dreamed of more than once, to be with him forever. Of course the happy feeling my dream inspired was often chased away with guilt when I regained consciousness, but the desire still remained, no matter how wrong I believed it to be at the time. But now, it was possible. I could be with Edward for eternity, if he would have me. I wouldn’t want to force myself on him forever if he didn’t really want me, after all what was to say he wouldn’t lose interest within a few months of us actually being in a relationship? He could easily grow bored with me, and soon realize that I wasn’t interesting, or funny or beautiful. He would realize he didn’t love me after all, and the thought of that was so painful that the thought of dying by the hands of the Volturi didn’t seem so bad. I’d rather die now than expect an eternity with the man I loved, only for him to discard of me when he realized I wasn’t good enough for him. Because I wasn’t, was I? My heart sank with the realization and a sigh fell past my lips. I opened my mouth to tell them to kill me, because I loved Edward too much to force him into an eternity with me that he’d probably never considered, or wanted. But Alice’s voice, soft as wind chimes, injected into the conversation for the first time. I noticed Aro’s delight as the younger Cullen spoke up.

 ‘She will be one of us. I’ve seen it. I can show you, if you’d like.’ She held out her hand, the same way I had, but somehow with much more grace. Aro stepped forward and took it eagerly, his eyes un-focusing and a look of sheer enjoyment freezing on his face.

 I took his distraction as an opportunity to look up to Edward, my eyes pausing on the dark circles underneath his orbs and wondering just how long he’d gone without feeding. He looked incredibly thirsty and I felt my heart twist in concern. His eyes met mine, soft as melted licorice and smiled a small, gentle smile that had my heart stuttering in my chest. I thought he might grin at the reaction, but Aro’s gasp of wonder drew our attention and I looked over to see him taking me in with an appreciative gleam in his eyes.

 ‘I can see that there are no issues at all.’ He grinned, but it didn’t offer any comfort, ‘you are free to go, we ask only that you do not linger in the city.’

 ‘That won’t be a problem.’ Edward’s voice was polite, but the hostility behind his speech was still present, even if it was only the slightest hint.

 I looked over to Aro, managing a glimpse before Edward steered me away, and I wondered if he’d been able to sense he anger behind his words. It didn’t seem like it—he was smiling like a cat that ate the cream, no trace of offence on his expression at all. I leaned further into Edward’s hold as we escaped back through the way we came, Alice and Bella trailing behind us. It didn’t take us long to reach the streets and after the younger Cullen had retrieved our bags from wherever she’d stashed them earlier, we climbed into the new car she’d managed to steal. Bella sat in the passenger seat while Edward and I took the back. I marveled at how natural it felt to be in the vampire’s arms, it was if I belonged there and I tentatively wondered if it felt the same for him.

 ‘Are you okay?’ my fingers carefully traced the dark circles underneath his eyes that hinted at the discomfort he was probably feeling.

 He took my fingers in his free hand and bought them to his lips, kissing them before entwining our hands together. My heart stuttered in my chest and he smiled, ‘I’m perfectly fine, better than fine actually.’ His face went to my hair and I could hear him inhale my scent, a contented noise falling from his lips.

 ‘I know what you mean.’ I murmured, turning my face into the crook of his neck and inhaling his sweet, addictive scent. I’d never been this close before—in the past I’d only ever caught a whiff as he walked past me, or reached over me to grab something, but now I was surrounded by his wonderful smell and I found myself pleasantly overwhelmed.

 ‘By the way, we will talk about those absurd thoughts you were having earlier. Don’t think I’ll forget.’ His voice was low as he murmured in my ear, the promise behind his words made me shiver and I wondered what thoughts he was talking about.

 ‘Okay,’ I agreed, knowing he’d have to be near me to have that conversation, and I still wasn’t completely convinced that he wasn’t going to change his mind on a whim.

 A small rumble sounded in his chest, but it wasn’t threatening, it was more a sound of frustration and I wondered if his thirst was bothering him more than he wanted me to know. I was just thinking about moving off his lap—honestly I couldn’t even remember how I’d got there—but he was holding me tighter before I could even complete the thought. I didn’t fight him, trusting that he knew his own thirst and restrictions better than I did, and it wasn’t like I was uncomfortable, so I decided to appreciate his closeness, not knowing when I’d get the chance again. My eyes fluttered shut as I worked to commit the moment to memory—the way he felt against me, hard, cold and comforting, the way he smelled, sweet, wonderful and soothing. I was so dedicated to my attempt at committing that moment to memory, that unconsciousness fell over me without warning, but in the arms of the man I loved I couldn’t help but feel anything other than content.

 //

 Waking up was a disorientating experience. I was still in a car, but it was different somehow, and I wasn’t conscious enough to figure out why that was or how I’d been moved without being woken. I was still in Edward’s cold, comforting hold and I found myself wanting to fall back into unconsciousness, more tired than I realized, but I heard voices that I wasn’t expecting. My eyes fluttered open and I glanced around, shying away from the brightness outside of the car window and hiding my face into Edward’s neck for a moment to give my eyes time to adjust. I couldn’t resist a discrete inhale while I was there and I felt myself relax further into his arms before I lifted my head again, looking to the driver. I frowned in confusion when I saw a bulky, brawny frame instead of Alice; I was even more confused to see blonde hair over the passenger headrest instead of my sister’s brunette head.

 ‘How long have I been out?’ My voice sounded scratchy and I found myself wishing I had a bottle of water to soothe it. I settled for clearing my throat and swallowing a few times instead.

 ‘Just over ten hours.’ Edward’s musical voice answered, soft and soothing as his lips found my hair. My heart sped up and he chuckled quietly, his eyes fluttering shut as if he were savoring the sound.

 ‘Where’s Bella?’

 ‘She’s in the other car with Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie wanted to ride with us to try and apologise, of course your unconsciousness didn’t really help her there.’ He chuckled again, a mixture of amused and angry.

 I frowned, ‘I’m clearly missing something here.’

 ‘Alice didn’t tell you how I heard about her vision?’ he looked down to me, continuing when he found the answer in my head, his voice bleak, ‘Rosalie tracked me down to tell me what Alice saw. I called to see if it was true and a boy… Jacob? Answered the phone and told me Charlie was planning the funeral.’

 That was news to me, I hadn’t even known there had been a phone call, or that Jacob had even been over that day. I’d come down stairs to find Alice stood in the middle of the living room, frozen with horror and Bella sat on the couch, confused and a little annoyed. All I’d known was that Edward had gone to Italy to— I shuddered, unable to finish the thought—that was all I needed to know. The why or how didn’t matter to me, I just knew I’d needed to stop him. My hold on his shoulders tightened as relief overcame me—we’d succeeded, he was fine, safe.

 ‘Y/N?’ Rosalie’s voice bought me out of my thoughts and I looked over to her, my eyes softening at the remorse I saw in her honey colored eyes, ‘I’m so terribly sorry that my rashness resulted in you having to risk your life, but I will never be able to thank you adequately for being brave enough to save my brother. I certainly don’t deserve it, but I hope you can forgive me.’

 ‘Of course I forgive you, Rosalie. How or why doesn’t mean anything to me, all I cared about was making sure Edward left Italy alive. That’s all that matters.’ I gripped him tighter to prove my point and my eyes fluttered shut when his cool lips kissed me behind my ear.

 ‘Thank you, Y/N.’ Rosalie said, sounding much less troubled, but I suspected that she was going to beat herself up over this for a long time. I offered her what I hoped was a comforting smile.

 I wished she wouldn’t, I meant what I said about the how or why not mattering, but if we really considered it, wasn’t this really my fault? I was the one who jumped off that cliff after Bella. I flinched as I remembered waking up on the beach to the alpha being the only one who seemed to care for my wellbeing. Edward’s arms tightened around my waist and a growl rumbled in his chest, clearly not pleased with my sister’s lack of interest in my life. I melted further into him, grateful for how safe his arms made me feel and I found myself selfishly hoping that I wouldn’t lose that. That I wouldn’t lose this feeling… that I wouldn’t lose him. But as I started to recognize the familiar sights that told me were entering Forks, I realized that wouldn’t be possible.

 ‘I’m not leaving.’ His lips were at my ear, his cool breath making me shiver and feel warm all at once, ‘I promise, I’ll never leave you again, Y/N. Not unless you order me away.’

 I turned, looking into his dark eyes and I felt my heart pound at the sincerity that I saw in there, but still doubt crept in. Was he promising me this because he felt indebted to me for saving his life? Not that I thought that was entirely my doing, it had certainly been a group effort, but still… could that be a possibility? His eyes flashed and darkened, something that I wouldn’t have thought achievable as his orbs were already unbelievably black, but the anger dragged them further into the abyss.

 ‘Like I said, we’ll talk about your thoughts later, when you have time. But for now, you’ve got to go home and check in with Charlie. You’re excuse was a good one so he hasn’t sent out a search party for you… yet.’ His eyes had softened, but the hardness still lingered around the edges.

 I blinked, processing his words, ‘I said Alice, Bella and I had gone to Seattle for a few days before she left… won’t he find it odd that I’m being dropped off by you three?’

 Edward smiled, ‘you’re not. We’re going back to our house first and Alice will drive the both of you back in the same car she arrived in.’

 I nodded—that made sense after all and so there wasn’t anything more to say. I sighed as I thought about being able to have a shower, and brush my teeth. My clothes hadn’t even changed in the days we’d been gone, despite the backpack of essentials I’d packed. It just hadn’t seemed important. All I’d been able to think about, to worry about, was Edward. Showering and changing hadn’t been a priority, at least not for me. I sighed again, this time dejected as I wished the vampire holding me didn’t have to leave, even if it would only be for a few hours.

 ‘We’ll be back together before you know it. After I’ve changed, hunted and showered—not in that order—I’ll be climbing through your window, I promise.’ His words wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cool winters night.

 ‘I believe you.’ I murmured, falling silent again, hoping Charlie didn’t give us too much of an inquisition.

 Edward and I had to talk.

 //

 Charlie hadn’t had much of a reaction when Bella and I walked through the door. In fact, he didn’t seem perturbed by our arrival at all; he spared us a glance and a mumbled greeting before returning to the game he was watching on TV. I sighed in relief and made my way upstairs while Bella called out that she was heading over to see Jake. Charlie replied with an affirmative and I heard the sound of my sister’s truck starting as I climbed the stairs and headed straight for the bathroom.

 The first thing I did was brush my teeth, scrubbing until I was sure all of the grime had been removed and the horrible taste in my mouth had been replaced with mint. Then I’d stripped off my clothes and spent longer than what was probably necessary in the shower. I couldn’t help it—it felt so good to be clean again, and I couldn’t help but revel in the feeling for longer than I usually did. But I eventually washed the last of the suds off my body and the conditioner out of my hair. Satisfied, I wrapped my hair and body in separate towels before heading to my bedroom. After making sure Edward wasn’t already waiting in my room, I dried myself off and quickly dressed in some cotton shorts and an oversized sweater I’d stolen from Charlie a few summers ago. I left my hair down to dry and tossed the damp towels into my laundry hamper along with the clothes I’d worn for who knows how long. I moisturized my face and applied deodorant but didn’t bother with perfume.

 Once I was decent I decided to head downstairs to get myself something to eat once I realized that I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d ate something. That might have been a contributing factor to my exhaustion I thought as I pulled out a few slices of left over pizza that Charlie must have ordered while we were gone. I placed them on a plate and then put them in the microwave, pouring myself a glass of milk and sipping on it as I waited. Half of the beverage was gone when the microwave beeped. I pulled the plate out and sat down, chewing quickly but carefully, not wanting to burn myself on the reheated food. It didn’t take long and soon enough my dishes were washed and put away and I was heading back upstairs after calling out a goodnight to my dad.

 The smile that formed on my face was wide and involuntary when I saw Edward sat in the centre of my bed, eyes closed and still as a statue. I felt my heart speed up at the sight of him; he looked serene, the dark circles under his eyes now gone, his clothes fresh, and she small smile on his lips hinting at knowledge of my reaction. I stepped into the room, barely registering the door closing behind me and the lock clicking in place. Before I could even blink he was in front of me, taking his hands in mine, the cold temperature of his skin quickly chased away by the warmth his touch bought me. I wondered if it would always be that way, and I found myself hoping it would as he led me to my bed, sitting down next to me and burying his face in my hair.

 ‘Hmm I will never get used to how wonderfully sweet you smell to me, Y/N.’ His voice was a purr against my neck as he placed a kiss to the hollow of my throat. My eyes closed, the pleasure his touch bought too potent to fight.

 ‘Before we get too carried away and lost in the moment, there are some things we need to discuss,’ he said, his voice light but I could detect the importance behind his words.

 I turned my head to look him in the eyes; the butterscotch color that greeted me was so smooth I felt my heart melting in my chest, as I got lost in his hypnotic gaze. He chuckled, his fingers gently caressing my cheek before his hands found mine as if he were restraining us both in his iron clad grip.

 ‘There are some thoughts I heard in Volterra and again on the way home that have me concerned.’ His eyes conveyed his worry, ‘the idea that I could ever be bored of you, Y/N, is so ludicrous that I cannot quite put it into words. I have tried to pin point the moment I fell in love with you hundreds, if not thousands of times, but I remain unsuccessful because I cannot remember a time that I didn’t love you with every fiber of my being. I’ve never loved someone like this before, so I have nothing to compare it to, but I’m certain that it isn’t the type of love that you ever grow bored of.’ His disbelief at the notion simply couldn’t be faked, not that well, even by Edward, ‘my reluctance to turn you into a vampire has more to do with me not wanting to risk your soul. I believe that we as creatures are cursed to eternal damnation, that our souls are condemned the moment we are bitten, and to doom you to that same fate… I couldn’t do that to you, Y/N, no matter how wonderful the idea of forever with you is.’

 ‘You really love me?’ I asked, my voice not holding as much disbelief a once had over the topic, ‘you would have me forever? You’re not saying this because you feel indebted to me?’

 He chuckled, his honey eyes dancing with mirth as he lifted a hand to ruffle my hair before dropping it to rest on top of mine again, ‘of course not, silly girl. I wouldn’t pretend to be in love with someone because they saved my life, perhaps I would offer the ability to call in a favour, but that’s it. And as for forever, the idea of it doesn’t sound so daunting if you were there to share it with me, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t do that to you.’

 I was silent for a long moment as I took in the sincerity of his words, and the epiphany hit me so quickly and unexpectedly that I felt like I’d been punched in the ribs. I remembered all the times almost eight months ago now, before he left, when I’d swear Edward was staring at me, only to look up and see him looking in the complete opposite direction, with a smile on his face and a soft look in his beautiful golden eyes. I remembered the times that I’d been having a horrible day at school and something small but significant to me had happened to improve my mood—the red velvet cupcake in my locker after I’d got my period in gym—the offer to write me a copy of his notes after I’d been close to tears of frustration at being unable to keep up with the teacher—those were only a few examples, of course. All things he’d done to make my day better, to help me in any way he could. How had I not seen it sooner? Why had I let my own insecurities convince me that I’d never been worthy of his love? Because it was clear to me now, the epiphany cleared my vision and allowed me to see the truth, uncorrupted by my self-destructive thoughts: Edward loved me as much as I loved him. The love in his warm eyes and his dazzling smile confirmed it.

 After that topic was discussed we somehow found ourselves lying in my bed. I was underneath the blue sheets while Edward lay on top, the thin cotton providing a little resistance to the cold emanating from the vampire, not that I minded. My head rested against his chest and my right hand was entwined with his left, as we both seemed to delight in playing with each other’s fingers.

 ‘There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.’ I murmured, keeping my eyes on his hand in mine.

 He sighed, already knowing what I was going to ask, I wanted to hear his explanation, to know why he had done what he had done, ‘when Rosalie told me that Alice had a vision of you drowning and I called Charlie and that boy seemed to confirm it, I was beside myself with grief. I’d already been in bad shape, trying to keep away from you, but learning that you were dead… I couldn’t bear it. It may seem an overreaction seeing as you didn’t even know of my feelings for you, but I’ve loved you for so long, and taking myself away from you for your own safety was like losing a part of my heart. It was a constant ache that I couldn’t soothe, but that was nothing to how it felt when I thought you were gone. My heart felt completely and utterly… void, as if you’d taken it with you to whatever afterlife you’d gone. A part of me liked the idea of that, that you had my core with you, wherever you were. But the majority of me was smothered with an emptiness that burned from the inside out, and I knew I couldn’t possibly face an eternity of that feeling. That was why I decided to go to Italy, to end my own life, because I selfishly couldn’t bear the thought of the pain, but also because a small secret part of me hoped we would be reunited in another life. I do believe that our souls are cursed to damnation from the first bite, but that didn’t stop me from wishing that I could see you again, to reveal my feelings…’ he paused, tilting my chin up with a cool, long and gentle finger. He wiped away the tears that had fallen, ‘I’m incredibly grateful that I have had the opportunity to be honest with you and to show you how loved, adored and cherished you are, so long as you want me.’

 ‘I’ll always want you, Edward.’ I said, my voice ringing with a finality that made his eyes soften with awe, ‘that will never change.’

 He didn’t say anything, because nothing needed to be said. After a while, I felt myself fighting sleep, not wanting to miss a moment of the perfect serenity I felt in his company, especially now I was sure it was real. But Edward knew, of course, and he picked up one of the books I had piled on my bedside table and started to quietly read to me, his voice wrapping around the words like velvet, the softness impossible to resist. I found myself idly wondering how he knew that his voice relaxed me to the point of contentedness, but I was too far-gone to voice it as sleep claimed me.

 //

 ‘This is ridiculous! Who cares about a play Shakespeare wrote two hundred years ago?’ I groaned, my head hitting the desk in front of me with more force than necessary, but I hardly noticed the pain—Othello had already given me a headache, what was a little more?

 Edward chuckled, his cool, soft touch moving up and down my spine in a comforting gesture. It had been a few weeks since Italy and we were both back in school, him falling into the curriculum with ease while I was struggling even though I hadn’t missed any classes.

 ‘He’s not so bad, love.’ His cheek rested against mine as I lifted my head, and I had to take a moment to get used to the sweet, comforting scent that was encircled around me.

 I sighed, feeling my body meld to his as he wrapped his arm around my waist, I turned my head and rested it against his shoulder, wondering how long I could get away with avoiding the literature in front of me. I much preferred being in Edward’s arms to trying to decipher the old English in front of me. The vampire chuckled at my actions, and my thoughts too knowing him, and held me tighter. I felt him kiss my hair and take a deep inhale. The contented sound, too low for others to hear, made my heart skip a beat—I could’ve sworn I felt him smile against my scalp when he heard it.

 All too soon Edward leaned me away from him and I straightened with a reluctant sigh, knowing he wouldn’t be releasing me unless it was necessary. And sure enough, the teacher was returning to the classroom, photocopies for his next lecture in hand. The kiss Edward placed on my forehead lessened my frustration a little, and when he pulled away we shared a genuine, happy smile before we returned to the essay question we’d been given.

 ‘Seriously is this even English?’ I rubbed at my temples, knowing I was going to have one hell of a headache before this class was even over.

 ‘Just focus on the key words in the question, and put together what they want you to say from that.’ At my confused look he elaborated, managing to explain it in a way I understood. I could have kissed him, but I didn’t, instead I looked back down to my paper, hoping he didn’t notice the blush on my cheeks.

 We hadn’t actually kissed yet, not properly anyway. I didn’t know why, because in every other way each movement was natural in a way that felt like we’d been together for years rather than weeks. It might have been my fault—I’d never been in a relationship before, and I’d certainly never kissed anyone. So I might have been subconsciously avoiding it out of fear of doing it wrong, of being awful at it. But that was crazy, right? I mean, everyone had to have their first kiss sometime and as long as it was with the right person, someone who cared about you as much as you did them, then a little potential awkwardness was nothing to be afraid of. Logically, I knew that, but I was a coward and inexperienced, so I didn’t want to be the one to make the first move—especially not at school. People were still staring, partly because the Cullen’s were back—well Alice and Edward were, the rest had “graduated” almost a year ago—and partly because I was the Swan Edward was holding hands with in the halls now. I hadn’t actually heard anyone talking about it, nor had I had anyone directly ask me anything, but I knew they were talking about it. I didn’t want to know what they were saying, because I couldn’t imagine any of them were nice things, but I felt more like an animal in a zoo than I did human these days. So first kiss at school was completely out of the question, even if being around Edward was like being in our own specially designed indestructible bubble. I didn’t want them to have any more ammunition than they already had.

 The bell rang as I was finishing up my last sentence and Edward waited patiently for me to pack up before taking my backpack and my hand. On our way to the cafeteria my sister passed us, heading in the direction of the exit, I frowned and was about to call out to her when my vampire whispered an explanation in my ear.

 ‘Jacob’s come to meet her for lunch, don’t worry she’s not ditching.’ He placed a kiss behind my ear before pulling back and any trace of concern I’d had was replaced by a pleasant tingle where his lips had touched my skin.

 ‘I still don’t understand what happened there, you know.’ I murmured too low for other eavesdropping students to hear, but Edward wasn’t any other student.

 ‘Bella knew that our relationship wasn’t genuine, she went along with it because she hated the other male attention she was getting from students she wasn’t interested in. She noticed the other human’s reluctance to be near us and figured I’d be good at keeping any unwanted admirers at bay.’ He whispered into my ear, placing random food items on the tray I was carrying for the “both” of us.

 ‘Okay… it just seems a little extreme, especially after what happened last spring.’ He knew what I was referring to, and his eyes tightened slightly as he remembered James, Laurent and Victoria. His response was low as we took our seats at our usual table, Alice was already there, her eyes lighting up at our approach.

 ‘That was an unforeseen circumstance, those vampires weren’t supposed to pass through our territory and changed their mind at the last second.’ He said, his words coated with guilt even though nothing had actually happened, ‘we dealt with them, anyway, there and then. I’m just relieved you weren’t there. If James, the tracker had smelt your blood and seen my protectiveness over you… it could have turned into a game for him.’

 I nodded, smiling as he slid my seat closer to him so the left side of my body was in line with his right. His arm settled over my shoulders and I reached forward to grab a banana from the tray of food that settled on the table in between us.

 ‘Can I ask you something? And will you be completely honest with me, even if you think it’ll hurt my feelings?’ I asked, my voice quiet as I looked in between both Alice and Edward.

 It was about Bella. My sister’s dismissal and lack of interest in my life had been playing on my mind a lot lately. Had she always had this attitude towards me, and I’d just been too lost in being the protective older sister that I hadn’t noticed? Edward of course heard the question before I voiced it out loud and the sadness that swirled in his honey colored eyes told me the answer before his musical voice could deliver it. He kissed my forehead and caressed my cheek, before Alice’s soft; wind chime bell voice broke the moment.

 ‘Bella has never shown any kind of interest in your well-being, Y/N, in the moments I’ve seen between the two of you now and in the future.’ I could hear the sadness in her voice as well and I bit my lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

 How could it be? Had I done something wrong? Something she couldn’t forgive me for? I racked my brains, but I couldn’t think of anything, except Edward, but I knew they’d never loved each other that way, and she was definitely in love with the werewolf so what was it?

 ‘It was nothing you did, love.’ He kissed my hair again, his soft voice murmuring into the dark strands, ‘you’re not responsible for her decisions or her feelings, do you understand? It’s her loss and you have plenty of others who love you like a sister, some a daughter and one who loves you with every fiber of his existence.’

 A wave of pure happiness washed over me as I looked in between the two Cullen’s. They were right, what was one person’s lack of love in the face of a whole family who cared for me as their own? I decided then and there that Bella’s decision to treat me as a stranger rather than a sister would never bother me again, because I had all the family I could ever need, and the love of a man who was more perfect than I deserved. I was the luckiest human in the world.

 //

 The rest of the day flew by and I was so relieved—we only had a few more weeks left until graduation and I could have a break from the headaches the exams were bringing me. As Edward and I drove to his house—my request as I knew Charlie would be at work and Bella would probably be at the reservation—I wondered if I’d have another chance to graduate school. As a vampire. I wondered if I’d have the chance to graduate enough times to the point where I’d be able to face the curriculum, exams, with the same casual confidence that Edward and the rest of the Cullen’s could.

 It wasn’t as if I’d never considered it before, and despite Edward’s assurance that the Volturi wouldn’t come to check my mortality any time soon; I found myself picturing it more than I ever had. It used to be that I would dream of it, dream of being with Edward forever, to have him look at me like he loved me, and I would wake up and reality would shine down on me as the sun rose behind the clouds. At that point I’d force the secret desire down, ashamed to feel such a way about my sister’s boyfriend. But now I knew my feelings were returned, it was hard not to think about my future with the vampire, and no matter how many times I thought about it, my desire to join him as an immortal didn’t change.

 I knew he didn’t want that, because of my soul, but I also knew that this didn’t just involve him anymore, it involved all of the Cullen’s. All of the ones I’d considered as family when I’d first met them over a year ago. They all—except for Rosalie—had accepted me a lot faster than my sister. At the time I hadn’t understood why, but I’d come to learn it was because Alice’s visions assured that I was going to be a member of the family soon, while Bella was not. And now I worried about when the Volturi would come, would Edward’s inherent desire to keep me human result in the destruction of the family I’d barely had the time to get to know?

 We arrived at the white mansion in the woods and Edward was opening my door for me before I had even unclipped my seatbelt. I offered him a thankful smile as I climbed from the car and took his hand. He returned it, but I didn’t reach his eyes—I knew that meant he’d been listening to my thoughts and he wasn’t fond of what he had heard. I kissed his cheek, and tugged him lightly; he released a breath and led me into the house. It was quiet when we entered and he revealed that Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were on a hunting trip in Mount Rainer, while Esme and Carlisle had gone away to visit friends in Alaska for the weekend.

 ‘Do you need to hunt?’ I asked, my fingers tracing the barely noticeable circles that were starting to form underneath his eyes—his orbs were still golden, but were darker like honeycomb rather than the butterscotch shade that meant his thirst was satiated. It wasn’t something you’d notice unless you knew what you were looking for.

 ‘I’m fine, they’ve only gone for a chance to hunt something other than deer and elk.’ He smirked, kissing the palm of the hand that still lingered on his perfect face, ‘if I get thirsty I’ll be out and back within an hour.’

 I smiled, my eyes falling to his lips and my earlier thoughts popped back into my head. My heart picked up and my breath got caught in my throat, before I could shake my head to clear it of my errant thoughts, Edward’s cool hands placed mine on his shoulders. I gripped him there and shivered in pleasure when his touch glided down the exposed skin of my arms, to my waist, where he pulled me closer. I didn’t know what was happening, but I didn’t have the concentration power to ponder it, as the warmth his touch left behind was distracting me. My eyes fluttered shut when his forehead fell against my own. I could feel the coolness of his body, the sweetness of his breath, and his scent surrounded me to the point of my mind being overwhelmed with him.

 When his lips met mine, soft, icy and tentative I swear I was incapable of coherent thought. All I could think about was how wonderful and right his mouth felt moving against mine. As the kiss progressed, his tentativeness melted away and turned into something more sure, more passionate and fiery. A sound echoed in the high ceilinged room, but I was too lost to wonder if that sound came from me. My hands moved of their own accord and slid into his soft bronze hair, attempting to pull him closer than he already was. I was aware of my lungs burning in my chest, but having Edward so close was beyond intoxicating, and so I was incapable of pondering what that meant. My vampire’s hands moved to mine in his hair and gently but firmly broke my hold. After another moment, his lips stopped in their movement and he pulled an inch away from me, allowing the opportunity to breathe. It was then that I realized how much I needed oxygen as my lungs pulled the air in as quickly as possible. My forehead fell to his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around my waist as he too caught his breath. He recovered before I did and lifted me up to sit on the couch in the living room with me on his lap. It felt like it took longer than it did, but eventually my breathing returned to normal and I leaned back, staring into his eyes as an unstoppable thought echoed through my mind.

 That was my first kiss ever and my first last kiss.

 ‘That was…wow.’ I blushed at my incapability to adequately put the kiss into words, but I wasn’t going to try when I knew it was fruitless.

 ‘I couldn’t agree with you more, love.’ His smile was dazzling and I felt myself beam in response to his happiness.

 I slid to his side so that we could watch the TV together, ignoring the desire to press my lips to his; I needed to be good. I knew how difficult it was for him to touch me in the simplest of ways, and I know if I’d been the vampire in that interaction, I would have had great difficulty concentrating on not hurting him while my thoughts were overwhelmed with desire. That was why I rarely initiated any touches between us; I didn’t want to take him by surprise, I wanted him to be in complete control when he touched me, because it was him who had the most difficulty. I smiled when his lips kissed my hair, and snuggled closer into his side, sighing contentedly when he held me a little tighter. At around dinnertime I called Charlie and asked permission to sleep over at Alice’s. I lied and told him the rest of the family was camping this weekend and I wanted to keep her company. He bought it and I hung up as Edward rejoined me in the living room. My brows rose in pleasant surprise when I saw that he was carrying a bowl of cheesy pasta and a glass of water.

 ‘You cooked?’ I grinned at the bashful, proud expression on his face, ‘how?’

 ‘Learned from the cooking channel.’ He winked and I ignored the fact my heart skipped a beat as I accepted the meal from him. He settled next to me again, his arm around my shoulders as I ate.

 ‘There’s something I want to run by you.’ I admitted, placing my now empty bowl onto the coffee table next to my half empty glass of water, ‘I want to put up a vote. For me becoming a vampire.’

 I felt him stiffen and after stealing myself, I looked up at his expression. It was frozen in surprise, but I could see the horror and rage burning in his honeycomb eyes.

 ‘I know how you feel on the subject, and I know what your answer will be, but this is more than just me and you now, Edward. It involves everyone, and I will not put everyone in danger because of me.’ My voice was firm and sure; it was something I’d been thinking about for weeks now; whenever Edward wasn’t around to distract my thoughts. I knew what I wanted, I’d never been more sure of anything, and I wanted to start living that life. Not because I felt the pressure of the Volturi potentially popping by for a visit, but because I wanted an eternity with him. Call it irrational, call it too fast, but I didn’t care.

 He was silent for a long moment, his eyes observing my expression and listening to the thoughts in my mind. Eventually the hardness around his eyes thawed and he nodded once, clearly not happy, but he respected my decision. I smiled, more than grateful for his attitude and kissed the palm of the hand that was resting over my shoulders. I knew he’d argue the opposing side, and I was fine with that, because I knew either way, vampire or not, he would be by my side loving me as I love him. And that’s all that mattered.

 //

 Epilogue: ten years later.

 After the Cullen’s had voted in favour of me becoming immortal 5-2, I’d been turned at the end of July. Between graduation and then, quite a few things had happened. Edward had presented me with a proposition. He’d asked me to marry him in exchange for him turning me into a vampire instead of Carlisle. What had surprised him was my willingness to do that—despite my Mom and Dad’s failed marriage, I’d always dreamed of finding my own husband one day. Of finding the perfect man for me to spend the rest of my life with, and after joking with Edward that I’d expected a proper proposal rather than a business deal from an old-fashioned gentleman, he’d grinned and promised to make it up to me.

 Not two days later he took me to a meadow he’d discovered in the forest. The moon was high enough in the sky to brighten the field for us, and it created a perfectly romantic ambiance. We’d had a picnic in the moonlight, a few battery operated candles also placed in the grass to allow my less sensitive eyes better sight. When I’d finished the delicious sandwiches that he’d once again prepared, he pulled me to my feet before he himself dropped to one knee. I’ll never forget the way he looked at me that night—his eyes had been softer than honey and shone with so much love and adoration that my knees felt weak. He promised to love me forever and asked me to marry him. I’d of course said yes, jumping into his arms and kissing him passionately. He’d chuckled and placed a finger to my lips as I’d been about to apologise for hurdling myself at him when I knew how careful he tried to be. All thoughts of apologies melted from my mind as I watched him slide the ring onto my finger—it was a white gold emerald cut ring, the centre stone was topaz in colour and there were white diamonds on either side. The yellow stone reminded me of his eyes and he’d sheepishly chuckled and admitted that was why he’d chosen it, because he wanted me to have a reminder of him with me always.

 We’d officially tied the knot in July at the Cullen property. It had been a very small, intimate wedding, despite Alice’s desire to expand the guest list. There weren’t more than fifty people in attendance, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. Alice of course organized everything—I hadn’t trusted anyone else to pull together a wedding in such a short space of time, and I certainly had no idea where to start. Other than asking Alice to be my maid of honour and Rosalie to be a bridesmaid, seeing as she was more of a sister than Bella was, even if she didn’t like me very much, I’d given up the reins completely to the psychic vampire. Charlie and Renée had been in attendance, but Bella hadn’t been invited. Edward and Alice had asked me numerous times if I was sure of that decision, but I knew I was. She wasn’t my family and she hadn’t been for a long time, she had made that decision and I was simply respecting her wishes. And as I’d realized all those weeks ago— your family didn’t have to be the ones you were biologically related to.

 My dress had been magnificent; it was form fitting and yet not so tight that I couldn’t walk properly. It was overlaid with lace and held a mixture of vintage and modern; a perfect representation of Edward and I. Alice and Rosalie both wore baby pink floor length dresses, the silk material being simple and yet elegant. Jasper and Emmett had led their respective partners down the isle, with the curly haired vampire being Edward’s best man. Charlie walked me down the isle and Carlisle officiated the wedding—I’d suggested to my vampire that having someone we both loved officiate the ceremony would make it that much more meaningful, and he’d agreed. There had been no question over whom we would ask, and the emotion that had overcome the eldest Cullen’s face when we’d asked would be something I’d never forget.

 After Edward and I had officially been joined in holy matrimony, we’d left the very same night to enjoy our honeymoon. Edward had insisted on surprising me with the location and I’d been happy to let him have the responsibility—all of the ideas I had were places that were known for rain. I figured that would be best with my husband being a vampire; I didn’t want him to spend the three weeks confined to the indoors, only to come out at night. However, I didn’t need to worry about that as he had taken me to Isle Esme, a gift from Carlisle just off the coast of Brazil. The privacy meant we could be out in the sunlight as often as we wanted and I was grateful for that as we spent most of our days hiking, swimming in the ocean or lying on the beach.

 Despite the traditions of a “honeymoon” we didn’t take that step during our three-week blissful vacation. I knew how difficult it would be for him and I told him I had none of those expectations because of that reason. I didn’t want him to wonder if my lack of interest had anything other underlying reasons behind it. Because it wasn’t that I was uninterested— in fact, I was very much looking forward to being able to be with him in that way, but I didn’t want to push it. Though I trusted him completely, I knew he’d never forgive himself if he slipped even for a second and accidentally hurt me. But I didn’t need sex to feel close to him. For the entire vacation we were attached at the hip, whether it was holding hands, or me sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped around me, we were never not touching. It was wonderful.

 Unfortunately, it couldn’t last forever and when we returned back to Forks Edward and I took some time to visit Charlie before we went to Alaska for “collage”. It was nice to see him again and remind him I would always love him as I said goodbye at the doorstep of the home I’d grown up in. Bella hadn’t been there and when I’d asked Charlie told me she was on a trip with Jacob, but that suited me just fine; her absence meant our farewell wasn’t tainted by disdainful glances.

 Upon arriving in Alaska, I realized the house we moved into was of the same interior style to the one in Washington and it was hard not to find the familiar decoration comforting. The whole family was reunited upon the move as a new state meant the opportunity to start over, though it was believed I wouldn’t be able to leave the house for a few years as I mastered my thirst and ability to resist human blood. Edward had changed me on the last day of July—the last thing I saw, before the pain became so unbearable that focusing on something else was impossible, was the honeycomb eyes of my husband, full of love, adoration and remorse. The pain burned consistently for what felt like longer than the three days I was promised, but I knew Edward never left my side as screams passed through my lips despite my attempts to hold them in.

 He held my hand through it all, and when I woke up to face my new life, his face was the first thing I saw. I remember being completely amazed by his magnificent beauty as I looked at him through my new eyes—it had been like seeing him for the first time. The hand that wasn’t being held in his reached up and traced over his cheek gently, mindful of the extra strength I’d been warned about, and a gasp had left my lips at the feel of his skin against mine. It felt smoother somehow, and warmer. He’d smiled and reminded me that we were the same temperature now and I returned the gesture, reaching up and pulling his mouth down to mine. We kissed passionately for a moment and when we parted I told him I loved him. He had beamed with happiness and hugged me to his chest, inhaling my scent and relaxing for what I was sure had been the first time in three days.

 Carlisle, Esme and Jasper had joined us then. The former couple welcoming me to the family while the latter eyed me warily. I’d frowned in confusion, and a little offense, until I’d realized what had caused his behaviour—I was the newborn, he was expecting me to be bloodthirsty and irrational. As that thought crossed my mind I became aware of the burning in my throat—I felt like I hadn’t had a drink in weeks and I knew what I needed. Edward smiled comfortingly and I relaxed at once as he announced that we were going hunting. That had been incredible. Running through the forests in my new home had been thrilling, my enhanced senses making it more beautiful than I’d thought possible. Hunting didn’t take as long as I’d thought, and after drinking a few bears and a moose, I felt full and the burning in my throat was none existent. As we’d returned to the house, racing with Edward, I was overjoyed at how happy and content I felt—this was the life I was destined to live. I was certain of it.

 I blinked out of my trip down memory lane as someone gently but firmly kicked my leg under the table. I looked up to see Jasper cocking his brow at me in question—he’d probably felt the thirst I’d been remembering as I woke up as a newborn. I shook my head in answer to his silent inquiry and went back to picking apart the cookie on my plate that I of course had no desire to eat. Edward and Emmett hadn’t joined us at the table yet—their class had been on the other side of campus and they had to move at a human pace to get here, so the four of us usually beat them. My lips pursed as my gaze flickered out of the window and when I saw the snow that was falling in thick flakes to the ground, my lips twitched as I fought a smile.

 ‘Your doing?’ Alice asked, her lips not even moving as she followed my gaze.

 ‘Maybe.’ I grinned.

 That was something I’d discovered in my first few years—I could influence the elements, including being able to change the weather whenever I wanted. I didn’t do it often, as Carlisle had pointed out that constant and unpredictable changes in weather were bound to draw attention and obviously, that wasn’t okay. So I only ever gave into the desire once every few months, otherwise I restricted my influence behind closed doors where no one else was aware. It was fun, but beyond anything else it relaxed me and provided a healthy outlet for any emotions I couldn’t express otherwise. Of course Jasper would have helped if I asked, but I wanted to feel my grief, not have it taken away.

 ‘The first snowfall of the year. It’s pretty, too bad it’s going to be washed away by rain tomorrow,’ Alice commented, her eyes lingering on the scenery outside before she looked over to me, worry shining in her black eyes. We were all thirsty today, which was why Jasper in particular was on edge. Thirst was actually something I handled quite will and within I few months of being newborn, I’d enrolled in high school as a freshman as soon as my eyes darkened to gold.

 ‘I’m okay, Alice.’ I murmured, knowing if any humans were looking in our direction they wouldn’t even be able to see my lips moving.

 ‘No you’re not. You don’t have to lie to us, Y/N.’ Jasper replied, his foot finding mine underneath the table again and giving me a playful nudge.

 ‘I know, I’m sorry,’ I bit my lip, grateful crying wasn’t possible, ‘I just didn’t think it would happen this soon.’

 ‘I’m sorry, Y/N.’ Rosalie said, placing a hand over one of mine. I smiled gratefully, happy that the blonde had warmed up to me over the years. It would have sucked spending an eternity with her hating me.

 ‘Thank you, Rose.’ My head rested on her shoulder for a moment as I hugged her from the side. I sat up afterwards, being sure to move at a human pace—it was simply too easy to move at vampire speed.

 ‘How do you feel about shopping tomorrow after school?’ Alice asked and I bit back a groan.

‘I have homework.’ I said, it was a poor excuse and she knew it—I had plenty of time to finish any homework I might be assigned, so realistically I was free as a bird.

‘Nice try. You need new clothes, the trends are changing and you’ll start sticking out soon.’ She grinned in victory when my shoulders slumped in defeat.

‘Fine.’ I threw a cookie crumb at her, laughing when she caught it without an issue.

I didn’t notice the small smiles that formed on the faces of my family at the sound—I’d been down ever since I’d found out that Charlie had passed away. It had been a total shock, healthy one day and the next he’d had a fatal heart attack. Edward had held me for four hours straight when I found out, not once did he complain, he gave me all the time I needed as my body shook with sobs. It had been a few months since I’d got the news now and I was starting to come out from underneath the dark cloud of grief, much to the relief of my family. They hated seeing me so forlorn.

My head snapped up almost too quickly as I caught Edward’s scent as he entered the Cafeteria, our brother trailing behind him and laughing his booming laugh at something the bronze haired vampire had said. Seeing them joking around together made me smile and when Edward winked in my direction my head ducked bashfully. I heard Emmett making a joke at my expense, amused I could still be modest after ten years, and I bit back a grin when I heard the curly haired brother masking a sound of pain, indicating my vampire had taken a jab at him. I felt myself relax down to my bones when Edward slid into the empty seat to my left, his right arm automatically wrapping around my shoulders.

‘How was class?’ I asked, entwining my fingers with his where they rested on my shoulder. His free hand was idly pushing food around on his tray as Emmett answered on his behalf.

‘Actually interesting. The new girl was snuggling up awful close to your husband there, sister.’ He winked, his grin growing at my frown of annoyance.

‘What new girl?’ I was surprised I’d missed the news, it was rare for new students to enroll here—not many people willingly wanted to go to school where it was freezing more often than it was warm.

‘Jody Hendricks.’ Edward murmured, the corners of his mouth falling in distaste, ‘I didn’t speak a word to her but she wouldn’t shut up for the whole class.’

‘I see,’ my eyes darted around the room as my irritation grew—I wasn’t usually the jealous type, but I blamed my short fuse on my grief.

It wasn’t hard to find her for two reasons: first, almost everyone was staring at her. Second she was staring at my husband. A growl formed at the back of my throat, too low for any humans to hear, but definitely loud enough for my family to pick up on. Emmett and Jasper snorted in amusement, but I didn’t pay them any mind as Edward’s hand came up to caress the side of my cheek, effortlessly earning my attention. His gentle touch erased the death stare that had been present on my expression meer moments before, and melt into something much softer. When I saw the amusement in his dark eyes I felt embarrassment wash through me like a tidal wave: what had I been doing? Of course I knew I had nothing to be worried about, but emotions were irrational and I’d been overcome with the jealous feeling before I’d been able to consider the ludicrousness behind it.

My thoughts were silenced as Edward’s lips moved against mine suddenly. The kids was deliberate, allowing anticipation to build between us like a slow building fire, and just when I was starting to forget where we were he pulled away, placing a kiss to my forehead. My smile was genuine and soft as I looked up into his eyes, that mirrored the same gentleness. The onyx orbs shimmered with adoration as he stared back, meeting my gaze head on. Immortality had been everything I’d hoped it would be and more, which I hadn’t thought would be possible, but it was. My love for Edward had only grown and flourished, as had the love I held for the rest of my family. Without a doubt I had been born to be a vampire, this is where I belonged, surrounded by my adopted family and in my husband’s arms. Here, I was home. And I couldn’t imagine that would ever change, even if I lived for an eternity.

[ilummoss]

One thing I really liked about Mace Windu: Jedi of the Republic is that it is really one long philosophy discussion, mostly concerning the war and the Jedi’s new role in it. It’s also a story about who Mace Windu is (vs how some perceive him).

Most of the discussions are the Jedi speaking amongst themselves, but it also includes some “debates” between Mace and the main villain of the comic, evil-money-grubbing-droid*. Many of these discussions also echo each other or other events in the comic in a way that is either intentional or someone accidentally striking gold.  *(The droids name is technically AD-W4, but honestly evil-money-grubbing-droid fits it way better. This thing makes General Grievous look like he has a healthy outlook on life.)

This is going to get long so buckle up (or blacklist the long post tag). 

The comic starts on a discussion between Ki-Adi Mundi and Mace about the war and the Jedi’s new role in it. This discussion is then (spiritually) continued between other Jedi characters. It follows through the entire comic. 

They continue to discuss how the Jedi strive to lead by example and Mace wonders if it would be easier to guide the Republic down the right path from the front of the battle lines. 

Mace later discusses his doubts with the ugliest Yoda ever painted. (It pains me to think that this is what Yodel/Yodito will look like in just a millennia.) 

Mace and Prosset Dibbs also discuss this very same thing, but here Prosset is the one who brings his doubts to Mace. 

(*Prosset speaks several times about sensing an unease in the force, which is interesting, considering how we know that the Clone Wars is a trap that has just sprung shut around the Jedi.)

Then we have my favourite moment:

A discussion about how they are peacekeepers is literally interupted by the war. We have the entirety of Clone Wars right here. The purpose of the Clone Wars even. This is an important conversation, but the Jedi do not have time for it. Because of the urgency of the war. It’s the worst and I love it.

There are also some good moments between Kit Fisto and Prosset but I’ve discussed those before, so I won’t be going into them as much here. To summarise, Prosset falls into despair over all the people who have died on this planet as a side-effect of the Separatist’s ruthless exploitation of the planets natural resources, and the failure of the Jedi to protect them. 

Prosset then accuses Mace and the Council of having turned their back on the orders teaching and advancing their own agenda (though he is unclear about what said agenda would be), that Mace is fighting this war for his own sake. He then goes even further and accuses the Council of tossing away the lives of this planets inhabitants as collateral, declaring that the true reason behind the mission is a power grab, that they too are aiming at explotating this planet, something we as readers know is false. They were sent there to figure out why the separatists are interested in this place. We have also seen Mace throughout the comic focus on protecting the civilians and trying to find a way to shut down the Separatist operation there, explicitly so that it won’t end up destroying the planet. 

But the confrontation between Prosset and Mace echoes an earlier confrontation between Mace and AD-W4.

This moment follows AD-W4 introducing his motivations* and Mace declaring that the Jedi fight for peace throughout the galaxy (”the greatest cause there is”). It also ties into AD-W4′s misunderstanding of who Mace is, what actually drives him, which eventually leads to his mission there failing. *(Evil-money-grubbing-droid openly states that he is only fighting for money, that he doesn’t care about who’s wrong or right in this conflict, only that the conflict continues so that his services are needed and he can make more money.)

This bit about a void is terribly interesting however, because Mace also speaks about being driven by the need to fill a void in this comic, but not in relation to himself, but to Prosset. 

“I have experienced first hand what insecurity does to men. How a mind warps with it’s obsessive quest to fill the void. With power. With wealth. With lust. With truth.”

Prosset denies it, but he has twisted, warped what is actually happening around him, into something that he can deal with. The Jedi Council have to be bad guys, there has to a conspiracy, because the truth that this is just out of their power and an uncountable amount of innocent people are going to die despite all of them trying their hardest is too much for him to handle.

Prosset also threw out a vague accusation that Mace is fighting this War for himself, something we see again in Mace’s final confrontation with AD-W4. During their fight the droid repeatedly taunts Mace:

“An excuse for your violence. You’re a hypocrite. Perhaps I am force-sensitive myself.”

It is certainly not a flattering picture of Mace Windu these two adversaries paint up. But this confrontation in turn ties into a mission from Mace’s youth which we are introduced to in flashbacks, where Padawan Mace Windu and Jedi Master Cyslin Myr has been sent to a planet suffering under a plague to investigate the disappearance of the Jedi in charge of an outreach temple there. The temple has been taking over be a “Master Drooz” a charlatan exploiting the suffering population, which has left young Mace outraged. 

*(Look at this, more Jedi philosophy. In this comic? What a surprise ^u^)

This moment is pretty clearly here to introduce us to Mace’s struggle with his anger, a characteristic both antagonists of this comic has honed in on. But this anger is connected to how deeply idealistic Mace is at heart, something they miss. As they confront the swindler, Drooz mocks them for what he sees as “squandering” a chance for profit and power whilst Mace’s answer underlines how those things grow pale in comparison to higher goals. 

This confrontation ends on a Palpatine parallel as subtle as a hammer blow to the head. 

This is the last part of the flashback, and it’s positioned right in the scene where Mace finally subdues Prosset, standing above him with his lightsaber pointing down. And then Mace knocks Prosset unconscious and says that he will be brought to the Jedi council. Master Myr’s lesson was heard. 

A fire burns in Mace, that is true. It is something Mace must struggle with and control. But he has learned to keep that fire tempered. He is no longer that hotheaded Padawan, but a disciplined Jedi Master.

The fight between Mace and AD-W4 ends in AD-W4′s defeat, but with evil-money-grubbing-droid gloating that his actual mission was still completed. 

Except AD-W4, like how the fake “Master Drooz” did not understand the Jedi and what drives them, does not understand Mace.

AD-W4 thinks he has Mace figured out, so he missed that Mace was really using himself as a distraction, whilst young Jedi Knight Rissa Mano rigged that ship to explode. As Mace tells AD-W4 during this fight: “Do not mock, nor underestimate, that which you do not understand.”

Mace actually believes in peace. Truly and deeply so. This belief, this want to do good and protect people, is what drives him forward. By believing that Mace was driven foremost by his anger AD-W4 misjudges his entire situation. 

“My righteousness is anything but self-motivated. There is definitive right and wrong. Good and evil.

Mace is going after AD-W4 not because he wants the fight and victory, “the power trip”, but because what evil-money-grubbing-droid is doing is wrong. The destruction he brings to this planet and it’s locals and his very indifference to it, is evil. 

This comic isn’t trying to pretend that Mace Windu is perfect. The very obvious Palpatine parallels reminds us of the moment in his future where Mace will not manage to temper his righteous fury. But this is not yet that point. 

Which brings us one final time back to Prosset. The crux of Prosset’s Fall lies in that this war is horrible and should not exist. The people of this planet should not be hurt and killed by it. 

But, as Mace points out here, it is not up to the Jedi to decide if there will be a war or not*. Peace is already lost. Not fighting will not protect these people.  *(The greatest irony of the Clone Wars is of course that it is an artificial conflict designed to benefit one person solely. There is someone who has decided that there should be a war and has moved everything into place for it. Palpatine could decide to end this any day, but the very core of his character declares that he never will.)

During Mace and Prosset’s fight Rissa is echoing the point Yoda made at the beginning of this comic. If the Jedi don’t keep moving, if they don’t fight, things will get even worse and more will die. 

The Jedi have to move forward and commit fully to their choice, because anything else will get people killed. It’s not about not doubting or questioning, but that sometimes you must move even when there is doubt.

This is the conclusion to the discussion going on throughout this comic. The choice to enter the clone wars wasn’t uncomplicated or easy. The Jedi clearly have great doubt about it, both as an organisation and individuals. But sometimes all you have are bad choices, and the responsibility to choose. 

[a-dragons-journal]

My Experiences of Nonhumanity

I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.

It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.

Shifts

- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.

- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.

- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.

- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.

- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)

Homesickness

(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)

- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.

- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.

- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.

- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.

* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P

Behaviors/Instincts/Urges

- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.

- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.

- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.

- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.

- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.

- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.)  Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.

- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.

- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.

- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.

- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.

- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.

- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.

- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.

Past Life Work

Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.

- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.

- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.

- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.

- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 7 | London & T Shirts | 6.4k words

‘Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Masterlist

a/n: thanks for the week of grace, friends. I really appreciate it. FINALLY here’s part 7 ! 

“Listen, I know I’ve said this a lot,” Aurora starts as Harry walks into his dressing room. She’s sitting on the couch, legs propped up on the coffee table and her tour lookbook in her lap. “But tonight’s suit is my favourite.” Harry groans and then chuckles. “Harry! Listen, this one isn’t a normal suit. It’s on the same level as the Palamo pinstripe.” Aurora meets Harry’s eyes and he’s instantly reminded of that night in Spain. His eyebrows rise up in question. “Shut up.” She says with a small smirk. “But the baby pink velvet with the gold beading and the gold trouser stripe. The fact that Alessandro loved it so much he made it in black too and then I convinced Lambert that they should be used to mark monumental nights of your tour.” 

“That was your idea?” Harry asks as he sits down on the couch next to her. Aurora hums a yes. “Why London and LA?” 

“You really wanna know?” Harry nods. “It's the O2 for crying out loud, and then London, it’s your home. LA, the final show, your other home.” She answers as she puts her book to the side and grabs for one of Harry’s hands. She laces her fingers with his and looks up to him. “What?” she questions the look on his face.

“You really thought of all that when deciding those 2 suits?” She nods this time. 

“Not just those 2, all of them. Made sure the suit matched the show.” Harry brings their intertwined hands to his lips and presses a kiss on the back of Aurora’s hand. Harry shakes his head, not knowing how to express what he’s feeling so instead he just pulls Aurora in for a kiss. 

“So what colour are we painting your nails this time?” Aurora asks once they’ve settled back into the couch. 

“Black, again,” he says with a smirk. 

“Really?” Aurora asks in disbelief, sure he was going to pick a brighter colour. 

“Mhm, it’s like I’ve got a piece of you on stage with me.” 

Aurora huffs, unable to hide the smile that takes over her face. 

They situate themselves on the floor of his dressing room. Aurora sits in the empty space between Harry’s outstretched legs. With a knee of her own propped up, she sets Harry’s hand on it and begins to work on his nails. They’re both quiet and neither of them mind. They’ve tuned out the chaos that is happening in the rest of the arena. Aurora knows this is why Harry asked for her to do his nails. A moment of calmness. A moment away from being the center of attention. 

All last night and this morning, Harry had been getting calls and texts and emails about people’s excitement mixed with a handful of stressful ones from Jeff or any member of his management team. Aurora had to convince him that turning his phone off for a while was okay and that there was no need to worry about something someone else can take care of. She also reminded him that everyone will still be excited to see him in the morning, that those texts will still be there. It’s not that he doesn’t want to help or reply to his friends. It’s that Harry doesn’t know when to stop sometimes. Last night they were sitting at a local pub, a place where Harry’s a regular and even though his phone was on silent and he was trying his hardest to pay attention to the story Aurora was telling, he couldn’t focus. Aurora realised quickly that Harry doesn’t transition well between being “tour harry” and “just harry.” Bringing his work home with him doesn’t help either. Aurora made that comment in reference to herself and he really didn't’ appreciate it till later. When he went to say goodnight as he opened the car door for Aurora he did laugh about it with a loud chuckle, the joke finally clicking in his head.

The pulse at his wrist changes, bringing Aurora out of her own thoughts.“What’re you thinking about?” She asks as she grazes his pulse point with the pad of her finger. They’re so close that she can hear the rhythm of his breath speed up too. 

“Oh nothing,” he answers, brushing away the question. 

Aurora holds the polish bottle and brush in one hand and sets the hand she’s working on on her knee. With her free hand she reaches for Harry’s chin and tilts it just right so he has no choice but to look at her. He sighs. “You can tell me anything, you know that right?” Harry nods slowly. Aurora presses a soft, lingering kiss to his lips before going back to painting his nails. 

As she switches hands, Harry sighs again. She looks up to him through her lashes then back down to his nails and polish. 

“Nervous as hell.” It’s not a full sentence and that’s how Aurora knows how truly nervous he is. He goes to brush the bottom of his nose, another nervous habit, but stops himself unsure if he’ll mess up the polish that is drying. 

“That’s understandable,” Aurora offers. His lashes fluttered, almost like he was surprised by her response. “It’s a big show, well 2 big shows. I think I’d be concerned if you weren’t a little nervous.” 

“You know, anyone else would’ve asked why I’m nervous. They would’ve told me I have no reason to be.” Aurora hums.

“You may have sold out the O2 arena for 2 nights but that doesn’t make you superhuman. The way I see it, you being nervous about these performances shows how human you are. How humble you are. How much you care and how much you love your job. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous.” The words are true and Harry should know all of that. 

Harry leans his head down and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

“Thanks for understanding and thanks for saying that.” 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Aurora smiles at him. 

“Girl who keeps her word.” Aurora raises an eyebrow at him in question. “You said that on the first night of tour. That’s what I’m here for,” he repeats back to her. “After you talked me through my nerves then.” 

“Don’t like seeing you like this I guess” she whispers as she continues to paint again. 

“What?” 

“You’re always so calm,” she sighs now, “so when you’re stressed or nervous I can just pick up on it really fast. Feeling nerves or stress is never fun. I just hope I can help calm you back down, at least a little bit.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he apologizes softly, like his feelings are a burden. 

“Hey, don’t be sorry,” she assures him, pausing from painting the next nail. “I just don’t think many people pick up on it, which is probably what you want. You’re good at hiding it,” Harry nods as Aurora continues. “I don’t know what it is, but I can just tell when something is off,” she goes back to painting again. “I think it might be because I used to, well still do I guess, I used to hide my nerves or anxiety so nobody would make a fuss over it. Just kind of brush it under the rug and move forward. It’s a familiar feeling.” Harry doesn’t say anything when Aurora finishes. “I don’t mean to overstep… can’t help but notice, is all.” 

“You’re not overstepping,” Harry quietly responds. “I’m not used to having someone that can read me this well. It’s nice.” His lips press together into a small smirk. They meet eyes for a brief moment then Aurora goes back to finishing the job at hand. “What’s so familiar about it all?” 

The question stumps Aurora for a moment. She searches her brain for a moment trying to think back to the small gestures and change of behavior that she picked up on. 

“Well, you know, you always do this thing where you brush your nose. You do it a lot actually,” she giggles, “it’s not always when you’re nervous. Sometimes you’ll do it when you’re uncomfortable or unsure of something. I’ve seen you do it thousands of times during interviews.” 

“Ah, yeah, that I've done since I was little. Never been able to break that habit,” he laughs. 

“Makes sense, but I think it’s the fact that you just go quiet all of a sudden. I do that too. I shut down, which you don’t necessarily do. You’re always there, just a bit quieter than normal.” 

“I get in my head a lot, don’t want to bother anyone,” he confirms solemnly. 

“You’re not a bother to me,” Aurora reassures him. “Okay! All done! They’re still tacky, but I’m done painting.” 

“Thank you, Ror.” 

“No problem,” she says with a smile, setting down the polish. 

“Not just for painting my nails-” 

“No need to thank me for anything else, Harry.” 

Aurora packs up her nail supplies, zipping the bag and setting it out of the way. Harry’s admiring the fresh polish on his nails as he moves back to the couch, sinking into the cushions. 

“Alright?” Aurora asks, sitting down next to him. Harry just shrugs his shoulders. “When’s your next time commitment?”

“I’ve got sound check in an hour, I think,” he says, his voice trailing off a bit. 

“Okay, come here then,” Aurora says as she moves her body towards the other side of the couch. She leans herself against a pillow and gets comfortable, patting her lap once she’s settled. “Come on, no need to do anything else right now, yeah?” Harry nods hesitantly. 

Once his head is resting on her lap she lets her hand fall to his hair. It only takes a few runs of her fingers through his hair for his eyes to close. Aurora can tell he’s not actually asleep by his breathing that is still not steady and the light flutter of his eyelids when she grazes her nails lightly against his scalp soothingly. 

“Told my mum when I got home last night.” 

Aurora hums in question. 

“Told her that we made it official, that you’re my girlfriend.” Aurora’s hand freezes for a moment, a smile sneaking up on her face. Harry opens one eye to look up at her. “Hey, don’t stop,” he whines. Aurora rolls her eyes and takes her hand out of his hair completely. “Please, Rory,” he continues to whine. She sighs and goes back to the movements in his hair. “Thank you,” he says with a smile, eyes closed now. “Told Gemma and Michael too, texted Jack. Told him everything. He thought it was hilarious.” Aurora huffs at the comment. “When I told Mitch this morning that you were my girlfriend officially all he said was ‘duh’. And then Sarah made a comment about how she’s excited that she doesn't have to 3rd wheel Mitch and I now.”

Aurora’s laugh fills the room. It’s light and carefree. Harry joins in, enjoying the moment. His nerves subside for the next hour. It’s hard to think about anything going on outside of the quiet dressing room when Aurora has her hands in Harry’s hair, both of their laughter filling the space every so often and the innocent kisses they trade back and forth. If it weren’t for Harry’s reminder on his phone, they would’ve easily lost track of time and stayed in that dressing room forever. 

“How’re you doing now?” Aurora asks as they stall at the closed door. Harry shrugs his shoulders just like earlier. “What can I do for you?” She asks, her hands softly resting on his jaw, fingers sprawled towards the back of his neck. He shakes his head. Aurora tilts her head at him. “Babe,” she pleads. 

“Rory, I’ll be alright. I promise. The nerves aren’t gonna go away-” 

“I know that.” 

“-but I’m feeling much better. Thank you,” he says as he squeezes her waist. Aurora shakes her head before pulling him down so she can kiss his lips properly. 

| | | | |

Aurora catches a glimpse of Harry as she’s walking from craft services to Clare and Sarah’s dressing rooms. He’s meeting some fans from Rays Of Sunshine and she does a double take when Harry poses for a photo with a little girl. She slows her walk down to enjoy this brief moment, a bright smile reaches her eyes. Just before she makes it out of eyesight she sees the little girl point at his painted fingernails and she can hear Harry’s sweet laugh as she takes the last step out of eyesight. Her cheeks pink up slightly to no one but herself, until she hears her name coming from a newly familiar voice. 

“Hi Gemma!” Aurora greets her with a one handed hug, holding her tour lookbook in the other hand, while (surprise surprise) balancing a fresh cup of coffee too.

“How was your day yesterday?” Gemma asks as they walk down the hallway. “Oh it was… good. Spent most of the day watching Criminal Minds and ordering room service. Definitely needed the day off to regroup and relax.” 

“I love Criminal Minds! Is this your first time watching it?” Gemma’s eye’s light up at the connection. She walks with Aurora as she continues through the hallway again.

Aurora laughs, “1st time? More like the 10th time, probably.” 

Gemma joins in with Aurora’s laughter, “Oh finally!!! Now I have someone to obsessively talk to about it. Michael doesn’t love it, but he’ll watch the new episodes with me every week. He’s definitely annoyed with my love for Spencer Reid.” 

“Wait, Gems! Ah Gemma, sorry,” she corrects herself. “Harry soley refers to you as Gems.”

She laughs again, “It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Aurora offers a look of thanks. 

“Anyways, Spencer Reid is the love of my life,” she continues with a smile.

“Same here!” The two girls laugh with each other. 

“How was being home?”Aurora asks when their laughter stops. 

“It was nice. I go home to visit mum a lot but it’s always so great when Harry’s home too. Really feels like home when he’s there.” 

“That sounds really nice.” 

“How’re you holding up?” Gemma asks picking up on the longing in Aurora’s voice.

“Oh, I’m doing fine. A bit homesick, but that’s expected yeah?” Gemma nods along. “I haven’t really lived at home in years but touring is different. I think it’s not having a permanent home that makes it hard.” 

“Yeah, I remember the first few times I traveled along on small bits of tour, it was weird. Sometimes it feels like a vacation but then others it feels like everyday is like starting a new life… if that makes any sense?” 

“Yeah, it does, actually,” Aurora agrees as she turns into Sarah and Clare’s dressing room. “It’s like there’s not enough consistency day to day because it isn’t always show day and then a day off. Everyday you’ve gotta be on top of it. And it’s so hard to not just be lazy when you have down time to get rest because you wanna go see everything.” 

“Yes exactly!! I hadn’t traveled much until Harry started touring. It was so much fun to go to new places. Have you traveled a lot?” 

“Not really, grew up in New York so visiting the city wasn’t a huge deal and traveled to other big cities in the US for dance competitions growing up. When I studied abroad as CSM, that was the first time I had left the country. Had to get a passport for it specifically!” 

Gemma hangs out with Aurora while she gets the clothes ready. They talk about college, or university as Gemma calls it. They share their favourite movies - Aurora has a sweet spot of 80’s romcoms but loves a good thriller and Gemma despises indie films that are slow paced, but really loves any comedy that will make her cry from laughter. Gemma shared a few touring pointers and promised that next time they’re in the same city they’ll get coffee without Harry and have a girls spa day or something. 

Aurora is beside herself when Gemma makes another comment about how happy Harry seems. But this time she adds that it definitely has something to do with her being around. 

| | | | |

“How’re you doing, rockstar?” Aurora asks as Harry walks towards her, ready to change into his suit. 

“I’m good, excited!” he answers as he strips out of his track pants and hoodie, then the white t shirt as well. 

“Good,” Aurora comments with a smile. 

“Like what you see?” Harry says obnoxiously. 

“Harry, shut up and just put these trousers on,” Aurora retorts as she hands him the slim black trousers trimmed with gold. 

As Harry buttons his white shirt Aurora grabs his boots from the box and hands them to him when he’s ready. 

“You know, those old gold boots you used to wear would’ve been incredible with this suit.” 

“You would remember those boots.” 

“Heart of gold and boots to match,” Aurora recalls back to him. Harry’s eyes pop and his eyebrows rise up. “Iconic tweet by your mother, honestly. And too true.” 

Aurora follows him into the connected bathroom, baby pink velvet jacket in hand. She hops up on the counter as Harry goes through the rest of his routine. She stays silent, listening to him hum to himself and riff off a few vocal warm ups. Aurora runs her fingers along the gold beads and sequins on the jacket, remembering their first fitting. 

“I think we’re thinking about the same thing,” Harry says as he puts toothpaste on his toothbrush. 

“That first fitting during prep week.” Aurora states because she knows he’s right. Harry nods. 

“Crazy how fast things can change, isn’t it?” Aurora hums in acknowledgement, continuing to run her fingertips across the beading. 

“Harry!” Anne’s voice calls through the dressing room. Harry’s in the middle of brushing his teeth so Aurora responds. 

“He’s in here, Anne!” She calls, inviting her in. 

“Oh Aurora! Happy to see you again” she says, pressing a light kiss to her cheek and giving her a bright smile. Anne’s less guarded towards Aurora today and Aurora relaxes again, slouching on the counter top. “Some things never change,” Anne comments as Harry finishes brushing his teeth. “He’s always done this. Before every show he’s ever done. Even shows back in primary school,” she tells Aurora. 

“Mum, please, let's not share any embarrassing childhood stories just yet. Only made it official last night,” Harry winks at Aurora. She rolls her eyes. 

“Honestly, Harry, you don’t hide much and I’ve seen you on stage every night this tour. Think that’s embarrassing enough.” 

“Hey!” he whines and Anne laughs along with Aurora. “You and Gemma both can’t be friends with Rory if you’re going to pick on me all the time.” 

“Harry, someones gotta pick on you, I told you that. Too many screaming fans night after night, gotta keep you humble.” Aurora counters and receives a high five from Anne. 

Once Harry’s done they head back into the dressing room. Aurora helps Harry slide into his jacket. They both hear the shutter sound of an iPhone camera and Harry whines at his mom for taking photos but she just brushes it off as all moms do. Gemma and Michael join the 3 of them as they walk from Harry’s dressing room towards the main bit of backstage. 

“Aurora, honey, are you joining us again?” Anne asks.

Aurora looks to Harry and the split second of his eyes meeting hers she can tell he doesn’t want her to go just yet. “I’m gonna meet up with y’all in a little bit. This jacket has been giving us all kinds of trouble and I just need to make sure all the beads are really secure before Harry goes on stage.”

“Of course dear, we’ll see you in a little bit then.” Anne gives Harry a kiss on his cheek, a hug and smile. Gemma and Michael both wish him luck. Once his family is out of earshot Harry speaks up. 

“Thanks for staying back.” 

“Technically, it is my job to be right here.” 

They exchange a soft smile before Harry’s band joins them. Aurora steps back after she adjusts Mitch’s jacket and Sarah’s shirt. She hangs out off the side, sitting on a big crate, her small sewing kit sitting next to her. The jacket is fine. The beads aren’t gonna fall off, at least not until the very end of the show. She’s here for Harry right now. She watches as they do their pre stage rituals as a band. Helene takes a photo of them as a group and then his band is off, making their way through the double doors to the stage.

Harry makes eye contact with Aurora and she joins him. 

“You good?” she asks for what seems like the millionth time today.

He hums, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. 

“Harry!” Jeff calls as he walks up to him. Harry takes the hand that’s holding Aurora’s and pulls it behind his back. He wants Aurora close, he’s making that clear to her without any words. He’s face to face with Jeff, Aurora is standing behind him, their hands still intertwined, resting at his lower back. Aurora squeezes his hand to let him know she’s not going anywhere. “Ready?” Jeff asks when the stage manager and the rest of the sound crew  approach Harry. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Harry answers, no nerves evident in his voice. Another squeeze to his hand. 

They walk through the double doors, a security guard lights the way in front of the small group with a flashlight. The sound crew goes ahead and gets to their places after confirming that Harry’s mic pack is on and ready to go one last time. Jeff says his good lucks and is out of sight in seconds. 

“Good luck, rockst-” but she can’t finish the word ‘rockstar’ because Harry cuts her off. 

“I know you said no the other night cause you didn’t want to overstep with my mum,” the words come out quick and Aurora has to really focus to understand him and tune out the rest of the hustle that is happening around them, backstage in the dark, “but will you come home with me tonight? Back to my house? Not my mums, but my house? Back to my house. Here. In London.” Harry blurts out the question repeatedly. “I should’ve asked earlier but-” 

“Yes,” she answers without thought. 

Aurora’s answer doesn’t sink in right away but when it does Harry’s brain can’t decide what to do. “Really?” comes out of his mouth with a short laugh of disbelief, his arms fly open and pull Aurora into a bear hug. He’s smiling ear to ear, dimples indent his cheeks, his nose scrunches and his eyes crinkle at the corners. Aurora thinks she’s being held by sunshine when he relaxes into the hug, pressing a quick kiss to the side of her head. She’s warm and feels safe and wants to ingrain the image of Harry in her head forever. Real life, actual sunshine is staring back at her. “Really?” he asks again when he meets her eyes. 

“Yes, really. I’d love to,” Aurora says loud enough to be heard over the screams but quiet enough that just Harry can hear it. Harry grabs her face in both of his hands and kisses her hard. 

Aurora laughs when they pull apart just as fast as they were brought together. 

“Lipstick!” she exclaims through a laugh. She thumbs at his lips wiping away any lingering colour that stuck to him. “You really shouldn’t be going on stage with a lipstick mark…” Harry rolls his eyes. “Good luck, Harry,” she says trying to push him in the direction of the stairs. 

“You are something else,” he says in disbelief. “I’ll see you after the show, Rory!” he yells as he runs up the stairs. He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth one last time before making his way to his spot at center stage, behind the screen. 

| | | | |

It’s an early night compared to others and Aurora never thought she’d find herself here. She’s stepping into Harry’s car, Harry holding the door open for her before rounding the front of the car to step into the driver side. The car hums to a start, the stereo playing on a low volume. Harry smiles at Aurora briefly before he focuses on the road and pulls away from the arena. 

“Mind if I?” Aurora asks, gesturing to the stereo controls

Harry pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and handing it to Aurora, “It should be playing from apple music, but Spotify is there too.” 

Aurora is surprised when he hands her the unlocked phone but she doesn’t question it. She opens spotify and searches for her own profile. Scrolling through her playlists she finds her driving playlist. 

“Not going through my photos are you?” He jokes. 

“Of course I am,” she jokes back. “Trying to find the perfect- hah! Here it is!” 

An acoustic guitar opens the song and Harry knows the song instantly. River by Leon Bridges fills the speakers. He reaches out his left hand in search of Aurora’s that sitting in her lap now. Aurora lets out a sigh of adoration as Harry brings her hand up to his lips and kisses her knuckles. Tucking her lips between her teeth, she hides a smile. Harry lets their hands fall to Aurora’s lap. She plays with the rings that still adorn his hand and stares out the window, enjoying the London city lights. 

When the song ends she speaks up, “I’m really excited to see that song live when Leon Bridges opens for you. It’s always been one of my favourites.” Harry doesn’t say anything but instead gives her hand a squeeze before the next song on the playlist plays. 

The car ride feels like another world. Driving around London, nothing but empty roads and city lights in front of them, Aurora feels on top of the world. Even in the darkness of the night, the darkness of the car, Harry feels like sunshine. Pools of light fall from his eyes, his smile. They seep through his skin and warm aurora from the inside out. 

As Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World continues to play in the car, Aurora allows herself to glance over at Harry who is focused on the road in front of him. 

| | | | |

“Welcome to my home,” Harry says sweetly as he opens the door for Aurora to step through. After closing the door behind himself he taps a few buttons that are near the door, the flashing red light turning green. He switches the hallway light on as he knocks his shoes off by the door, pushing them off to the side. Harry helps Aurora out of her coat and hangs it up with his. He walks past her, switching on a few other lights and the house begins to illuminate. Harry doesn’t say much, just points out different rooms, not making a spectacle of the surely multi million dollar mansion he calls home. 

“It’s beautiful, Harry,” Aurora compliments as they make their way through another hallway. Aurora feels cozy. It feels like Harry, this entire place, regardless that he isn’t currently inhabiting it for the time being, feels like home. Aurora’s heart swells at the photos on the walls of his mum and dad, step dad, pictures of him and gemma from christmas morning when they were little, one of them at Gemma’s graduation and then a few photos of him and the rest of the boys, Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn are scattered throughout the wall too. There are photos never seen by the rest of the world and Aurora smiles at each one. 

“Here, you can wear this,” Harry says as he turns back to Aurora after rummaging through one of his drawers. Aurora is still mesmerized by his closet, the closet that is probably the same size as her first apartment in NYC. “Oh, you would find that,” he says matter of factly when he sees her running her hand over the black and white floral suit that hangs among some of the other suits. 

“Harry, this suit,” she states in awe. “God, I loved this suit.” 

“Hey, can you be my girlfriend for one second and not my Head of Wardrobe?” Aurora turns around to him.

“That was 2015 Aurora who had your band’s posters up in her childhood room not your head of wardrobe,” she corrects him. Harry’s eyes widen before he lets out a bark of a laugh, like he’s caught off guard. “What?” she asks through a small laugh. He steps forward towards her and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Nothing,” he says when they meet eyes, shaking his head. “Here,” he says handing her the forgotten t shirt in his hand. 

“What’s-” she stops herself from finishing her questioning. She hadn’t thought this far ahead. There’s no way she’ll sleep in her jeans and her suitcase is back at the hotel. The empty hotel room. “Thanks,” is all she says as she stares at Harry’s t shirt that is now soft in her own hands. 

“Everything alright?” 

“Yeah,” she laughs to herself, “guess I didn’t think about this, should’ve grabbed something from my suitcase.” 

“It’s alright, I don’t mind,” he says with a shrug. “Let me go grab a spare toothbrush for ya.”

“Oh! I have mine in my purse actually,” Aurora says, “keep all that stuff in my purse when I travel.” Aurora turns towards the door. “I think I set it downstairs.” She hesitates at the door, unsure of where to go find it, they took a few turns to get to his closet, surely she’ll get lost. Harry chuckles at her frozen in her own steps. 

“Let me go grab it for you.” 

As Harry dashes out of the room, his feet sounding down the stairs, Aurora allows herself to have a moment. Today had been so crazy she hadn’t had time to overthink what tonight would bring. When Harry asked her to stay with him at his place she was caught up in it all. She was so proud, so enraptured, so warm and fuzzy. There was no way she could say no to him, to those green eyes that were begging her to say yes. There was no reason for her to say no. She’s not ready to sleep with him. 

Before she can figure out what to do or sort out her new thoughts, he’s back, purse in hand and directing towards his bedroom then motioning to the ensuite bathroom. Her chest feels heavy and so does the cotton shirt in her hand. Nerves make her heart thrum against her ribcage. Harry hums to himself as he gets out his face wash from the cabinet next to the sink. His humming starts to drown out Aurora’s own heartbeat in her ears. He hands a clean washcloth to Aurora. 

‘Thanks,” she says with a soft smile. She fumbles around in her makeup bag looking for the familiar container of her cleanser. She pauses for a moment when she’s found it and takes a deep breath, dropping it back in the bag. “Harry,” she says barely audible, facing him, hip pressing against the counter. He hums a response. Her voice shakes slightly, “I-I-”

He takes his focus from the bottle in his hand and brings it to her, his eyebrows dipping together in the middle, concerned, “Everything alright, Ror?” 

“I,” she takes a deep breath, “I’m really happy I’m here right now, but I just need you to know that I’m not ready, not ready to-” Harry nods, knowing where this is going. “-to have sex with you, yet.” 

“I hope you know I had no expectations for that tonight… just ‘cause you’ve come home with me doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do anything.” 

“Oh I know that,” Aurora clarifies, “but I wanted to be honest with you. Truthfully, it didn’t cross my mind until you handed me one of your shirts.” She giggles, looking at her hands. “Just need to tell you, that I’m not ready, yet,” she adds, emphasizing the word yet. She doesn’t want it off the table completely.

Harry sets the bottle that is still in his hands on the counter before taking the 2 small steps needed to close the space between them. He pulls Aurora into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders. She can feel him ghost his lips on the crown of her head. Relaxing into his chest she snakers her hands around to his back and up, resting her hands on his shoulder blades. Aurora pulls away after a moment and presses a kiss to the skin peaking out near the collar of Harry’s sweatshirt. 

“I’m so tired, don’t think I could get it up, regardless,” Harry says with a straight face when they pull apart. Aurora’s jaw drops and she whacks the back of her hand against Harry’s nearest shoulder. “What?” Harry asks through a loud laugh. 

“You’re just so, so, ugggg,” Aurora rolls her eyes and goes back to her makeup bag. 

They both wash their faces while making eye contact here and there in the mirror. Harry knocks his hip against Aurora’s when he starts brushing his teeth. She giggles as she adds toothpaste to her brush. As she starts to brush she knocks her hip against his now. They giggle, their mouths full of toothpaste. Harry at home. This is something she could get used to. 

“Need anything, darling?” Harry asks as he makes his way to his bedroom. “I’m gonna go set the alarms downstairs.” She nods her head no. She gives him a small smile as he walks out, closing the bathroom door behind him, giving her her privacy. He’s sweet and careful and purposefully is giving her a moment alone. She brushes her hair into a loose braid then taps a light layer of chapstick on her lips. She unfurls the cotton shirt Harry gave her to wear. It’s a faded black tee with a Rolling Stones graphic printed on the front. She’s seen him wear a handful of t shirts just like this all equally worn and tattered. 

The shirt is soft against her bare skin and the hem tickles the top of her thighs where it falls. It smells like harry and she’s comforted by it. A small smile finds a permanent home on her face as she folds her clothes into a pile. Holding them to her chest she opens the door to find Harry setting down a glass of water on each of the bedside tables.  Aurora sets her discarded clothes on a chair that’s tucked away in the corner of the room and then takes a moment before she turns around. She can feel Harry’s eyes on her and when she turns around they travel up her body. Harry walks over and rests his hand at Aurora’s waist, giving her a chaise kiss on the lips before going back into the bathroom himself, a pair of grey joggers in his hands. 

Aurora busies herself with finding an empty outlet to plug her phone in for the night. Deciding to sit on the bed, she notices it’s most likely Harry’s prefered side as it has a small clock there, a stack of books and a small silver bowl where his rings are now. Her eyes are drawn to the top book from the pile, recognizing the author as the writer from Rolling Stones magazine. She opens the Rob Sheffield book and begins to skim through the first page. When she hears the door open up again, the light from the bathroom goes out, and she’s met with Harry walking towards her. 

His sweatpants are hung low on his hips, the band of his boxers peeking out at the top, Aurora can’t help but stare. It’s not like she doesn’t see a version of this almost everyday but it’s different. Aurora blindly sets the book back on the nightstand so she doesn’t have to look away. She feels frozen to her spot on the bed as Harry walks towards her. 

“You’re a dream, you know?” Harry says softly as he reaches down to hold her face in his right hand. Aurora closes her eyes softly as harry’s thumb rubs soothingly against her cheekbone. When she opens her eyes, she pretty much eye level with the butterfly tattoo that sits at the top of his stomach. She told herself that one day if she were ever here, she’d trace his tattoos for as long as he’d let her. So she does just that. Her hands wrap lightly around his ribcage as her thumbs brush against the wings of the tattoo. She can see her hands trembling a bit when she goes to trace the laurels that peak out from his boxers. The strong sound of her heartbeat resurfaces to her ears and she pulls away her trembling hands. Harry pays no attention to that though. Instead, he takes her head in both of his hands and leans down to catch her lips. 

The nerves that once flooded her chest are far gone as their legs tangle underneath the sheets. Aurora can’t think of anything but the way his bare skin feels against hers. Her, well his, t shirt is slightly hiked up past her hips after Harry’s hands slide underneath to roam her skin, fingers pressing into the fleshy parts of her hips. Aurora pushes him on to his back, lips never losing contact and their hips melting into each other. Harry’s hands rarely stop moving, exploring the newly found bareskin on her back, under her shirt. 

They slow down eventually, both of them too tired to continue their movements. Aurora’s head rests on Harry’s chest. Sleep comes quickly after they share a lazy kiss one last time for the night. 

Aurora startles herself awake a few hours later. She’s still not used to waking up in new places and this happens often every night. Harry must feel her move, there’s no way he couldn’t with the way their bodies are tangled together. He doesn’t wake, or at least doesn’t wake enough to say anything or rustle the sheets at all. He does squeeze around her waist a bit tighter, bringing Aurora back closer to his chest. She lets out a soft sigh before falling back asleep, breathing in time with Harry’s slow heartbeat that taps against her back. 

Thanks for reading !!!! comments & feedback ALWAYS welcome & reblogs help a TON. LOVE YOU MEAN IT. 

[aqvarius]

[WALKTHROUGH + REVIEW] Her Love in the Force: Ayumu Shinonome: S3 Love’s Battlefield + His PoV

Honestly, I think this route is one that I went into almost completely blind. With some other routes (particularly Ishigami’s and Soma’s), I kind of had expectations going in. But with this one, I basically had no idea what was going to happen.

Ayumu’s Love’s Battlefield is another example of how the quality of Her Love in the Force just keeps improving. I have been so impressed by every single route that’s come out this season in particular. It was heartwrenching and frustrating and some things are still unresolved, but I’m excited for the future. Ayumu’s routes have a knack of setting up the premise for the next part so well that I’m just left impatient for the second half of the season. 

With the walkthrough, please bear in mind that there is no good-happy ending meter in this route for some reason so I’m not sure if all answers will take you to the Happy Ending, but these are the answers I chose that brought me to the HE.

Walkthrough:

Ep 1: "His sharp tongue." "That's not the plan."

Ep 2: "I miss fried shrimp." "Kaga trusts you."

Ep 3: "Is that sarcasm?" Explain

Ep 4: Stay silent. "I meant it."

Ep 5: "What's your name?" Abstain.

Ep 6: "Move, please." (gives all options) Don't check.

Ep 7: It's Ayumu. Hug him. (one of the potential options is give him the finger? lol?)

Ep 8: "I prefer black tigers." "No thanks."

Ep 9: Don't answer. "It's panties."

I don’t have much else to say in terms of expectations or even as an intro, so click on through to read my thoughts about this route and his PoV, character and relationship development, my analysis on Ayumu and his MC’s dynamic vs her dynamic with Tsugaru, and my screenshot of the GREATEST BACKGROUND that Voltage has ever gifted us. Here, I have basically tried to keep major plot details to a minimum but beware of minor spoilers. 

Reality:

Ayumu is the person who had maintained strict boundaries the whole time during her time in the academy, so naturally it makes sense that he’s the one who finds it the hardest to detach from these roles and the dynamics that it causes. This is expressed beautifully in his PoV, which I highly enjoyed and definitely recommend. I’ve been thinking that with this new season in particular, the PoVs don’t cover all the key moments in the MS, but rather they complement them with new scenes that really wonderfully paint a broader picture of these two sides to the relationships. Despite the fact that he doesn’t quite yet know how to break away from these roles, Ayumu’s relationship with his MC changes a lot outside of the Academy. He’s a lot more open about wanting to help her. His hints to her are so obvious that even she gets it. I never imagined we would ever hear our favourite sour patch kid Ayumu straight up say “I’d do whatever it is she wanted if only she’d say something to me”?! Three times over, he practically begs her to open up to him and let him help her, and she’s the one pulling away and keeping secrets this time. I understood why she did it but dear God, I felt so frustrated for Ayumu.

This route is full of super heartwarming scenes where you can feel just how much Ayumu cares about supporting his MC, to the point where he almost breaks rank just to set her up in a good position. Ayumu is someone who, before now, hadn’t yet challenged the bureaucracy of the National Police Agency (unlike Kaga and Soma) and barely even ever goes against the orders of his own boss Kaga, but this route places him in a position where he almost commits insubordination for his MC. I love that we first get to see him deal with things when he acts out in a frustrated way, and then again when he’s calmed down and had a think, and that leads to that scene in the park in episode 7, which is one of my favourite scenes in the whole route. His PoV is (naturally) more enjoyable for seeing his own anxieties and frustrations about the situation. This route reminded me again that Ayumu is totally a one-woman man, and when he falls in love, he falls so hard.

Something that I find interesting and different about this route is thinking about Ayumu’s position now that they are both working in the same division. Ayumu is someone who has spent two whole years watching his MC and setting up the chess board for her behind the scenes so she can make the most of her abilities and execute the perfect checkmate. But now that he doesn’t have the position or ability to set the board up for her, we get to see his frustration at wanting so desperately to help and yet being unable to do anything. At the academy, he had a position of authority as a special instructor. But at HQ, he’s just another lieutenant. Sure, he’s a genius and a specialist unlike anyone else, but ranking-wise, he’s in the same position as Goto or even Kurosawa. That’s something that you also feel with Goto’s route – the inability to affect change in the same way that they could within the setting of the academy. In this new context, Ayumu isn’t like Kaga or Ishigami, who can stand on their own against Tsugaru. Soma too has a higher rank so the issue of power and bureaucracy isn’t something that needs to be explored as much (and also he’s kind of a wild card even within Ishigami’s team and has always done his own thing, including a lot of independent investigations, which is why in his route the main dynamic between Team Tsugaru and Soma is Tsugaru getting Momo and MC to spy on Soma).

I saw a couple of comments about how awful Tsugaru is in this route and one on hand I do think that he is a lot more fun to the MC in other people’s routes (mostly Ishigami’s, then Goto’s, then Kaga’s), but on the other I think that if you hate him here, you’re gonna despise him in his own route. I’ve said it a couple times here and there, but I really feel like the version of Tsugaru in Ayumu’s route is the closest to his true personality. Tsugaru’s own profile calls him the worst boss and the most malicious person. Even Momo calls him 天邪鬼, basically calling him someone who messes with people just for shits and giggles (the term used for a demon who is deliberately contrarian). If you don’t like how little Tsugaru respects the MC in this route, oh boy you are gonna be in for a ride when you see how he treats her in his own. There’s a reason she comes to loathe that smile of his. Weirdly enough, in the Good End, the Tsugaru Squad dynamics seem to get to about the same level as they are in the other routes. There’s even a cute scene in the Good End where Momose actually kind of attempts to console the MC when Misato screams at her, and the Special Story from the Ending Set also shows them interacting in about the same way as they do in other LIs’ routes, with the three of them working as a team. I wish there was more sense of development in terms of building that team relationship (and I will expand on this later too).

I don’t know if any of you have watched Agents of SHIELD but this need-to-know basis (and feeling like there are clearance levels for information) thing gave me severe AoS vibes. At the same time, you do understand why an institution such as Public Safety would need to isolate information, for security purposes. It would be no good to have someone, especially a rash new detective, get caught and tortured and spill all the beans, right? And the thing is, this need-to-know thing is not new to Ayumu’s MC at all. You only have to look at his Sequel and Graduation routes to see her being left in the dark by Ayumu himself in two consecutive seasons. The big difference here is that whenever Ayumu acts, he always keeps her abilities and strengths in mind, with the plan always taking advantage of the things only she can do (such as having an eidetic memory). So she doesn’t need to follow instructions (although he always leaves her clues), but the plan is already designed to work with her usual attack patterns and abilities. With Tsugaru, however, they don’t know each other. She doesn’t know how Tsugaru thinks (nor does anyone except Momo), and while Tsugaru may know what she thinks, he probably sees her as volatile and unpredictable. If she were working under Ayumu in this case, he may have taken into account the fact that his MC might have tried to accost Misato’s assailers in the basement, but Tsugaru (rightfully, tbh) expects people to trust him and follow his orders since he always has a reason for doing the things he does, even when no one (except Momo) understands what they are. 

I’ve previously touched on my opinion that Soma is probably the closest OG character to Tsugaru, which I’ll expand on here too. Actually, let me rectify that statement: Tsugaru is probably the most similar to Soma and Kurosawa – I would say his character maybe sits in the middle of their personalities. The common factor here is not just their enigmaticness, but the way they keep a friendly mask on while they use people as tools without remorse while keeping their plans hidden, or only understood by a select few people who get it without words (which is actually similar to how Kaga does things too). This is why he needs a Momo 2.0, to be able to have a similar sense of foresight and understand why they need to enact certain plans. He needs more pawns like Momo, who allow themselves to be used because they understand the bigger picture, even if, on the surface, the steps towards justice seem unethical. And sometimes they really may be unethical, but this is Public Safety so what do you expect lol.

So even though it’s totally legitimate to complain about Tsugaru in this route, it was necessary for him to be like this in order to demonstrate the shifting dynamic between Ayumu/MC and MC/her new superior in a new context. It’s important to note that both Ayumu and Tsugaru start out by giving the MC seemingly inane errands to do. Because she’s gotten used to the idea that all the small, seemingly useless things that Ayumu makes her do are for her own developmental benefit, she expects the same of Tsugaru. But frankly, Tsugaru doesn’t have the time to do stuff like this. He’s a captain, she’s a working detective, and she needs to start being responsible for her own growth, so when she finally gets it into her head that he isn’t going out of his way for her, she becomes despondent first and then insistent on doing things her own way.

What then happens is an obvious lack of trust between senior/junior between Tsugaru and MC. It’s something that we see her gradually develop over her years at the academy, but she hasn’t yet learnt to rely and trust on people other than Shinonome when they aren’t tailoring everything behind the scenes for her benefit because this is what he has always done. It isn’t said explicitly but this is what he (and Kaga and Tsugaru [and Namba lol?]) are talking about in His PoV when they talk about smothering bunnies, especially when they are in a new family. Because Ayumu has always gone above and beyond to pave the way for her to follow her own sense of justice and still have everything work out, she hasn’t yet learnt to develop trust in other people’s senses of foresight and that acting independently according to her own sense of justice isn’t always the right thing to do, especially when the plan isn’t set up for her sake. Ayumu sets everything up for her because that’s the way he shows his care for her as his mentee and then girlfriend (and we LOVE that about him!), but Tsugaru has no reason to do so at all.

The MC in this route was different. To be honest, I got flashbacks to Kaga’s first season routes, especially when she was just gonna pack up and go back to Nagano. It’s quite a different reaction from Ishigami and Soma’s MCs, who just naturally hone in on work and basically become workaholics when faced with adversity and heartbreak. If Ishigami’s MC’s defining trait is being a workaholic, Goto’s is sweetness , Soma’s is actually being able to do her job well without messing up dependence, Kaga’s is insecurity, and Shinonome’s is how chipper she is. Obviously this is an extreme dilution of her character (and I could write a whole piece just on her characterisation) and she embodies all of those traits listed above and more. But more than anyone else, Ayumu’s MC is the most upbeat and stubbornly optimistic, so seeing a more insecure and pessimistic side of her definitely felt different and a bit odd. In the past, even when she’s een down, she continues to just do her job. The reason why she gave me Kaga S1 MC vibes is because of that insecurity and pessimism. Kaga’s MC is someone who was initially prone to giving up because her sense of morals and justice does not align with what Kaga is willing to do for Public Safety. You get a sense of that with Soma’s MC at the beginning as well, but Soma is gentle enough on the surface and just encouraging enough at the right moments that she doesn’t give up. The relationship between Kaga and his MC at the beginning is similar to the relationship between Tsugaru and Ayumu’s MC in this route, since Kaga is also someone who acts on his intuition and expects others to be able to understand him without a single explanation.

In this route, the MC starts to break away from Ayumu’s protection and act on her own. This is well and good, but what I would have liked to see is her starting to be able to work with her team and prove herself as someone who is compatible with them and not just capable as an independent agent. I loved the silly Eiji cameo (with his yamato nadeshiko tshirt, naturally) but I think that sense of development could have been built up a bit more had she been able to work with Momose. And no I am not just saying this because I love the concept of bodyguard Momo lol, but because then we would get to see her demonstrate her individual capabilities and slowly earn Momo’s trust and respect (and by proxy, Tsugaru’s, since Momo is his dog). We know she is more than capable in terms of technique. In the Happy Ending, Tsugaru even acknowledges that he knows that MC’s specialty is hacking without being traced, so I kind of wish that they had let MC prove her abilities individually but also learn how to work in a new team that does things a different way. Essentially, I want her to get to a point where she can adapt to working under difficult people in the same way that Kaga’s MC understands exactly what he needs even if he just says “file”, or know what his strategy is with one clue, or know what she needs to do when he says the word “jailer” a particular way even when he’s pretending to sell her off to a rich millionaire.

(Once I saw the name Mr Hattori I was like.... this is a ninja name... it could only be ONE PERSON)

Personally, I think that in the Happy End scene where MC and Tsugaru are talking, what Tsugaru wanted to hear from MC was an apology not just for acting on her own but for not trusting him and just running off and doing her own thing. A big part of this route was about MC needing to prove the academy’s, Shinonome’s, and her own worth to Tsugaru and I don’t feel like this was necessarily successful, since the one thing she should have been able to demonstrate to earn Tsugaru’s acknowledgement is that she can adapt and make herself useful to him. Anyway, in the next part of the season, I really hope we get to see her begin to learn how to work in a new team. The unity between the three of them that we see in Goto’s route is incredible, and we even see the moments in Goto’s and Soma’s routes where Momo comes to respect her abilities. I think the best way to show off Ayumu’s effect on her life and value as an academy instructor would be to show off the techniques that he specifically taught her in order to help Team Tsugaru and prove her place on their squad as an IT specialist, instead of acting on her own. 

On a personal note, I also just really wanted more Momose. We’ve seen in other routes (particularly Soma’s) how kind he actually is and how much he cares. In Soma’s route, he even defies Tsugaru to support you. One of my favourite parts about the SS3 routes is seeing Momo gradually warm up to you. I’ve mentioned the little bit in the Good Ending, but it would have been nice if there were a few more subtle moments like that to show how the MC starts to prove herself to her team.

I don’t want to spoil too much about the plot, so I will say that HLITF always knows how to write a compelling mystery, and I enjoyed that they kept us in suspense even when MC cracked the case so as to preserve the element of surprise. I also enjoyed the last couple chapters as well, and what happens just when you think everything is sorted… Of all of the SS3 routes, Shinonome’s sets up the most clearly not only for his Episode 0, but also for the second half of the season.

I did find the pacing a bit odd and not as tight as Soma’s, Goto’s, or Kaga’s (Ishigami’s was……. Wild……) but it wasn’t too confusing to follow, although I would struggle if I had to draw out a timeline since there are so many small ups and downs that it’s hard to pinpoint a specific narrative structure with clearly defined acts.

Aside from that, there were so many little moments I loved. The dinosaur planetarium date, MC being thirsty for Ayumu so many times (what’s new), MOMOSE IN A VINTAGE ROARING TIGER SUKAJAN AND SUPREME T-SHIRT LIKE THE ABSOLUTE HYPEBEAST HE IS, Ayumu’s desperation during the climax, and that one line where she says “Ow! That hoppity hurts, kids!” Let me know what little details you most enjoyed about the route too!

Edit: Can’t believe I forgot to mention this but that ONE SCENE WHERE HE’S ALL EXHAUSTED LIKE “BUY.... ME.... NECTAR” AND SOMA IS JUST STANDING THERE LIKE “WHAT NECTAR DO YOU WANT ME TO BUY FOR YOU” LMALSDKFSLSFDK LIKE AYUMU JUST ACCIDENTALLY ASKED HIS SUPERIOR TO RUN A PEACH NECTAR ERRAND.

The CGs were stunning too – I have absolutely nothing bad to say about them. The kabedon CG and the Happy Ending CG are my favourites in particular.

The appearance of the RMD doctors is definitely… gratuitous lol but I didn’t mind it. I thought they would at least play a bigger role (with maybe Sen in paediatrics at least). I so desperately wanted MC to acknowledge that Sen seems really similar to Ayumu?! But the appearance of the RMD MC in Ayumu’s PoV was even more gratuitous and I HATED IT LOL!!

I wondered if the translation and coding of this route was maybe a bit of a rush job? Or at least affected by the work from home situation. Firstly, there was no good – happy ending meter, which in one sense was quite nice because I got to read the whole thing in one go and just pick the options I thought would work without worrying about the meter not going up. It reminded me of old school Voltage games. Secondly, in episode 6, there’s an error with the option selection during the CG scene. If you select the first option (“Move, please”), it actually gives you the dialogue for all three options one after the other. Thirdly, in the Happy Ending chapter, after the HE end card goes up, there’s an extra scene which is actually a few slides from the ending of the Good End (re: Naru). I’m not sure if this is an error or just needed to give the context to set up for the second half of the season. In his PoV, they also left in a card from the JP version, which is delightfully, painfully heartwrenching to read but was left untranslated.

In Kaga’s, Ishigami’s and Soma’s routes, my heart hurt for their MCs. But in this route, my heart ached the most for Ayumu. I honestly feel that Ayumu’s Love’s Battlefield gave him more character development than his MC, which… I don’t mind, actually. This route was delightfully frustrating to read, actually made me cry once (but not as much as Ishigami’s or Soma’s; the latter made me have to take a break to sob for a good while), and also really hyped me up for his Love’s Trial route (愛の試練編). The special story in the ending set is WONDERFUL and I would highly recommend getting it if you can (although I’m still mad that we need to purchase these stories instead of getting them as a bonus for unlocking both endings like it used to be in the standalone app). Finally, it gave us this absolute gem of a background. Even if the route had been complete trash, it would have all been okay because of this one background.  

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.16 (Obsession)

- This episode starts off on a positive note; Lizzie and Miranda are congratulated by their teacher, Miss Moran for a job well done on the food drive they organised at school. 

- Lizzie’s parents and Matt are also there and we come to find out that Matt is the new hall monitor in his school. Lizzie makes fun of him because apparently being a hall monitor means being thrown in the trash can a lot. Even Sam can attest to this, based on his past memory:

Those thick rimmed glasses look huge on his tiny head lol

The Science Olympics 

- Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda are talking to each other on the phone and Lizzie asks Gordo why he wasn’t at the food drive. He tells them he was busy preparing for the upcoming ‘Science Olympics’ that week, which includes:-

1. Long-distance paper airplane contest

2. The egg drop

3. Slow bicycle race

- Larry Tudgeman has always been the champion of the ‘Science Olympics’ but Gordo is determined to win this year. Lizzie is annoyed because Gordo won’t be able to help them with their next volunteering project. Gordo should be able to do whatever he wants Lizzie. She seems to be a little too headstrong and determined about doing these volunteering projects, which relays back to the title of this episode, ‘Obsession’. In contrast, Miranda isn’t too excited about helping out.

Lizzie’ Recycling Project

- At dinner in the Mcguire household, which they’re having fried chicken with salad served on the side (that looks yummy), Matt is describing to Jo and Sam his day as a school hall monitor and he seems pretty into it. Lizzie arrives a little late for dinner and Matt uses this opportunity to I guess ‘flex’ his hall monitor status and write her a ticket. 

I gotta say this again, their fried chicken looks good

- Lizzie has her own announcement to make; She and Miranda are going to start a recycling project at the Digital Bean. She plans to separate out the garbage into plastic, paper and glass. But where’s aluminium/metal? That’s pretty important to sort out too. She is also thinking of implementing this practice in their own home, which doesn’t seem to make her parents too thrilled about the idea. 

- We skip straight to the Digital Bean and we see Lizzie and Miranda busy sorting out garbage. Miranda isn’t fond of going through the garbage and I don’t blame her, especially when it’s not your own house garbage. Umm, and why are they not wearing any gloves? That’s just nasty because we don’t even know what’s inside the trash cans of the Digital Bean!

I recommend you two wear some gloves!

- Lizzie goes a little overboard when she’s explaining to Miranda the point of recycling the different items they’re sorting. But I actually like how passionate Lizzie is about saving the planet because this issue is still relevant, even more so today. Plus, seeing how clueless Miranda is about recycling and our Earth, Lizzie is kinda justified in how she’s acting. 

Long Time No See Parker!

- As both girls are about to have their lunch, Parker Mackenzie pops up and lets them know how impressed she is with their recycling project. 

I didn’t know Parker was a so-called ‘Green Warrior’

- Parker spots Lizzie’s beef burger on the table and starts questioning why she’s going to eat a “poor dead animal’. She then unexpectedly shouts at Lizzie and calls her a ‘meat eater’. This girl has no chill whatsoever. Lizzie now feels bad and thinks she should become a vegetarian from now on. 

- My opinion on all of this is simple. If a person wants to go vegan or become a vegetarian, go for it. But please don’t judge those who didn’t make the same decision due to factors like socioeconomic status or health conditions. We all are able to play a part in helping our environment, even meat-eaters like myself. I for one, support sustainable farming practices and will only buy products derived from them. So, just because I eat meat, it doesn’t mean I’m reckless about our planet’s dwindling resources. 

Gordo vs Larry

- We switch things over to Gordo’s ‘Science Olympics’ plot and we see Gordo and Larry studying for the upcoming competition in a classroom. They are sitting opposite to one another and are staring down at each other with extreme competitiveness. 

The tension between the two looks very deep lol

- Larry is trying to get under Gordo’s skin by reminding him of all the times he lost to him in previous competitions. But Gordo stands up for himself and also does his part to intimidate Larry by saying that he is in his head? Mmkay...

“I own you” The tension is real y’all!

Lizzie Gets Carried Away 

Lizzie is taking on another volunteer project and this time, it’s a clothing drive. She’s planning to give away a bunch of her own clothes to the homeless and she’s even gotten to the point where she wants to give away the food that Jo wants to cook. Now that’s pretty extreme...

- Lizzie even gets an attitude when Sam doesn’t sort out the garbage for recycling as she tasked him to do. I love how Sam actually called her out on her behaviour. 

- Miranda shows up at the house and she’s proudly modeling her new leather jacket to Lizzie. But Lizzie isn’t happy about this either because leather jackets are made from cows and since Lizzie’s now a vegetarian, she doesn’t support Miranda’s fashion choice. Miranda thinks that Lizzie is totally overreacting and they are at odds with each other once again....

“Fine, so don’t eat my jacket” OMG I’m hollering!

- Miranda finds Gordo in a classroom, who is exhausted from throwing paper airplanes all day and tries to vent to him about Lizzie but he is too focused on the paper airplane competition after school. Suddenly, Lizzie shows up and she’s horrified by all the paper Gordo had used/wasted to test out his airplane designs. 

Matt Gets Carried Away

- Well, it seems like being a hall monitor is getting to Matt’s head. He’s been giving people too many citations for no good reason. But judging from the montage I just watched of him giving these citations, they seem appropriate? I mean, the signs on the walls do say “Buckle Up” and “Walk Don’t Run”. So, isn’t Matt just following these rules? Unless, of course, he actually posted those rules himself.

I know that this is a Disney show but that’s a pretty physical thing for a teacher to do to a student.

Lizzie in Burlap 

- After a strange ‘cowboy’ style stare-down between Larry and Gordo, we find out that Larry had won the egg drop and Gordo won the long distance airplane contest. Therefore, the slow bicycle race will decide who the winner of the ‘Science Olympics’ is. However, things aren’t looking so good for Gordo because is so sleepy from all the prep he’s been doing. 

- Miranda is trying her hardest to get Lizzie to snap out of her over-the-top ‘Let’s Save The Planet’ mindset but she just won’t listen to her. She’s even wearing clothes made out of burlap because it’s eco-friendly. But I think she still looks cute in that outfit. 

- They’re about to sit for a pop quiz but Lizzie has something to say to Miss Moran about the way she has printed out their quiz on only one side of the paper. Woah, she’s so brave to talk to her teacher like that. Anyways, she isn’t having any of her attitude and sends Lizzie to pack up her things and go home. 

Is this another episode of ‘Bad Girl Mcguire’ or what?

The Mcguire Kids Get Sent Home Early

- As you can see from the title, both Lizzie and Matt are sent home from school earlier than usual because of their respective ‘commitments’. Matt seems to be very power-hungry and he just can’t stand the fact that he isn’t able to issue more citations in school. 

- Sam and Jo advise Lizzie to not be so concerned about saving the environment because it’s gotten to the point where she’s alienating everyone around her and not taking care of herself. They want her to pick just one thing to take on and focus on that. Lizzie also admits she’s been a terrible friend to both Miranda and Gordo and she wants to go back to school to support Gordo in the slow bicycle race. 

The Slow Bicycle Race

Gordo as an Aerodynamic Elvis Presley

- Next, we are taken to the Slow-Speed Bicycle Race between Gordo and Larry. Both Lizzie and Miranda are there to support Gordo, who is dressed up as Elvis Presley in an aerodynamically designed costume to increase his wind resistance. 

- The race begins and Gordo is winning because he’s behind Larry. But, Gordo is starting to become sleepy again and actually falls off his bike just before Larry is about to cross the finish line and lose. This means that Gordo is disqualified from the race, unfortunately. 

Poor Gordo! But at least he still looks good after falling

- The last scene is Lizzie apologising to Gordo and Miranda for the way she’s been acting. But Lizzie did leave an impact on Miranda and her family because they’re now cutting up their 6 packs. Larry swoops past them on his bike and makes fun of Gordo’s height but luck did not stay by his side this time because he crashed into something lol.

Overall Thoughts

- The messaging in this episode definitely sticks out to me, which of course is about doing what we can to protect our planet and its resources. Young kids can definitely watch this episode and learn the basics of recycling and sustainability. I respect Lizzie’s commitment to the environment; It’s believable and I like how well-informed she is at that age. 

- Obviously, she’s gotten carried away with her efforts but her heart is in the right place. Her parents also taught her a very good lesson of narrowing down her scope and focusing on 1 or 2 projects. Balance of responsibilities is definitely important and so is taking care of yourself.

- Matt’s storyline isn’t so bad because it relates a lot to Lizzie’s. Their story-lines definitely ran in parallel to one another and I like how Sam pointed out to Lizzie that she and Matt have more in common than she thinks. But I don’t think Matt is shown to have learned his lesson unlike Lizzie. Overall, it’s a very good episode. 

[writeinspiration]

There are a lot of differences between self-published authors and those working with a publishing house, but when it comes to book marketing, we’re all in the same boat. At a time when many authors find their marketing stipend barely covers the basics, writers of every stripe need to know how to market their own work effectively. If you have some money to splash around, you have a few options (such as marketing services and book trailers), but if your funds are limited, you need to know about guerrilla marketing.

That’s why, in this two-part article, I’ll be taking a look at exactly that. Here in part 1, we’ll talk about what guerrilla marketing is and how it works, while in part 2, we’ll look at the tips and specific techniques you can employ as a guerrilla marketer. So, apply your camouflage, keep low, and let’s get started.

What is guerrilla marketing?

A guerrilla fighter is someone fighting a lopsided war with limited equipment and little backup from any larger organization. Self-publishing authors are definitely guerrillas entering the fight for readers, but authors working with publishing houses can also find that they’re handed limited resources and left to sort things out for themselves.

Guerrilla marketing is all about doing a lot with a little, and for authors that means an approach built on two core concepts:

Spending time and effort instead of money,

Choosing tactics that offer maximum reward for limited input.

When it comes to the first concept, there isn’t much to say that we didn’t cover in Nobody Beats The Triangle, But You Can Be Prepared For It: you can use time and effort to make up for a small budget, but you have to plan ahead to do so well. Of course, time and effort are limited, and that’s where we come to the second core concept.

Guerrilla marketing uses sparse resources to incredible effect.CLICK TO TWEET

It’s not enough to just plug away at your marketing. You can only do so much, and at a certain level, money can achieve a reach that one person’s maximum effort just can’t. That means that you need to be pouring the resources you do have into the actions that will give you the biggest reward. For example, getting forty random people to read your book is nothing compared to putting it in the hands of one prominent book blogger. Likewise, a marketing campaign targeted at a group likely to be interested in your subject matter has far more value than a bigger campaign with a more general focus.

In this way, it’s not enough to keep working and hope for the best; you have to work smart and hard, and neither really works without the other. But that assumes that guerrilla marketing works at all, so the question is… does it?

What guerrilla marketing does

Marketing doesn’t work quite how many people think, especially at different levels. For the biggest sellers, advertising isn’t about persuading someone to buy a product. When Coke advertise, they’re usually not trying to make you think Coke is a good product; they’re already big enough that they achieved that, so their advertising is geared more towards remaining ubiquitous. The big sellers just need to keep reminding customers that they exist – that they’re available for whoever wants them. Then, whenever the customer goes to buy that type of product, it’s their brand that comes to mind. Get big enough and potential customers don’t think ‘I want a soda’, they think ‘I want a Coke’.

This may sound specific to a certain type of product, but it’s also true for fiction. At this point, J.K. Rowling doesn’t need to advertise how good her work is. The brand is so big that it’s more effective to simply focus on telling people there’s something new under its umbrella (and if they can also attract potential new readers, that’s a good secondary goal). Rowling sold a huge number of scripts for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, even though it’s a medium with which many readers have no familiarity. As long as she keeps up a stream of new ‘products’ and the standard doesn’t dip enough to drive away her base, her marketing only ever has to say ‘remember me?’ This is why so many book adverts for established authors are along the lines of ‘The NEW book by X’; the brand is big enough that it’s doing the selling for them.

Different products rely on different types of marketing, and self-published authors shouldn’t be using the same tactics as bestsellers.CLICK TO TWEET

That’s not what guerrilla marketing is about, and it’s not something you’re going to be able to achieve on your own. Likewise, guerrilla marketing isn’t – and stick with me here – about finding individual readers.

This is the domain of mid-size marketing; people see your advert and they know your book is for sale, maybe they’ll buy it. This is the type of marketing where it’s worth putting billboards in train stations – with enough money, widespread marketing brings in enough readers to pay for itself.

This type of marketing isn’t usually that effective for books (unless they have a specific, unique role that lodges in people’s heads), and it’s not really feasible for guerrilla marketers. It’s hard for one person to advertise their book so widely that the number of readers they get back justifies the effort.

Instead, guerrilla marketing is effective as a cumulative effort. It doesn’t just net individual readers (though, again, that’s a good secondary goal), it creates an environment in which your book is being discussed. Ideally, it turns the people who encounter the marketing directly into your salespeople.

In marketing his book The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature, the titular author held a reading in a train station bathroom. The aim wasn’t to advertise to the few people who attended, but rather to create the type of story that news outlets would be hungry to report, and report they did. Pollack reached a huge audience with his work, communicating its irreverent nature and setting it up as a talking point; a level of marketing success far in excess of his budget or even time commitment.

Modern marketing has more than one audience, and the first isn’t always the biggest.CLICK TO TWEET

A less creative example might be a carefully calculated competition. Offer an interesting prize, extend the competition long enough to get people talking about it (and your work), and you reach a host of people for the cost of rewarding one. Ideally, you’ll also have a compelling website to direct them to and be collecting the email addresses of entrants to form a mailing list. Maybe your prize, or the conditions of the competition, are even unique enough to get you some press.

This is where guerrilla marketing works; carefully considered, meticulously executed moves that make the most of your time, money, and effort. I’ll get on to exactly how you can apply that logic in part 2 of this article, but for now, let’s close by looking at a case study of great guerrilla marketing in action.

The success of Masquerade

In 1979, Kit Williams published Masquerade, a book of art that tells the story of a hare delivering a splendid necklace to the sun. Concerned that people didn’t focus on the details in art books, and challenged by publisher Tom Maschler to do something new, Williams created a book that was also a treasure hunt. With the release of the book, Williams declared that he had also created the golden necklace from the story, and that the book contained all the information anyone could need to find it.

The story of the treasure hunt itself, and how the book worked as a set of clues, is fascinating (and skillfully related here), but suffice to say that Williams’ announcement was a staggering piece of guerrilla marketing. Williams couldn’t have foreseen the interest that would be aroused or how long the story would remain in the public consciousness, with news reports (and thus more advertising) breaking out whenever someone had a wild theory. Indeed, even the controversy surrounding how the treasure hunt was eventually resolved catapulted it back into public consciousness. For his time, effort, and skill, Williams sold hundreds of thousands of copies worldwide, and books (like Bamber Gascoigne’s Quest for the Golden Hare) have even been written about the process itself.

Creativity doesn’t have to stop with the book itself – artistic marketing is both possible and effective.CLICK TO TWEET

In the computer age, this type of marketing is even more effective. Since fans can now communicate across great distance, ‘game’ marketing can create communities and arouse huge interest for comparatively little input, as was the case with Alex Hirsch’s Gravity Falls: Journal 3, which relied on a variety of code-breaking and treasure-hunting activities to create a vocal, close-knit community of fans. (Something I talked about in Want A Cult Following? Hide Secrets In Your Writing.)

With blogs, Youtube channels, and even major news outlets hungry for content, the right piece of guerrilla marketing can be an absolute game changer.

Guerrilla warfare

So, that’s why you should consider guerrilla marketing and the logic behind some of the most successful tactics in the marketplace. Next, check out Everything You Need To Know About Guerrilla Book Marketing – Part 2, in which we’ll dive into how you can design and carry out your own successful guerrilla marketing.

What’s the hardest part of marketing our book, and how have you worked around marketing constraints in the past? Let me know in the comments below, and check out our extensive marketing archive for more great advice.

[iguessishouldbethankful]

headcanon time:

Okay so someone ( @readasaur ) asked me about the various headcanons I had for both the Star Fox and Star Wolf teams, and other characters. So I decided to tackle as many as I could. Star Wolf will have to wait for later, but there are some snippets of them here. Please keep in mind that these headcanons are of my own opinion and some are built upon years of speculation from the original timeline, old fanfics and things I’ve read. They can also change from story to story. AKA, I’m super flexible and willing to discuss, but most of these are usually what I follow in general.

Also a lot of these headcanons I implement in my own fics and interpretations in various pieces and sketches.

General headcanons:

I never played the original Star Fox game. I started with the 64 version, so I never thought they amputated their legs. And I still believe they never had to. But I do keep that easter egg as a dark part of history in the Lylat System.

I do think there is a form of religion in the Lylat System. It’s a religion similar to Pagan, tied to their ancestors and nature. Not everyone follows it, and many have their own interpretations of it.

The Lylatians diet consists mainly of seafood, vegetables and bugs. Meat does exist, but only on certain planets. And due to the food shortage during the wars and struggles across the system, the Meats became a luxury. I also did not figure out what find of animal life would exist that would provide meats.

There are struggles between the species, mostly between mammals and non-mammals. Mammals are the majority in Lylat, Reptiles and Amphibians coming in second, and Avians coming in last as they were mostly all exclusive to Zoness (because so far we only see Falco. No other avian).

Yes, worm holes and various dimensions to exist. In fact, the Lylat System is very active with these space phenomenon, but they are also considered highly dangerous as very few come back from such adventures from the inside. The phenomenon are usually considered as portals for deities if viewed religiously.

The DNA of all Lylatians are compatible with one another. As in, a mammal and an avian can have children. Any form of cross species relationship, as long as it’s between two Lylatians, can result in a healthy child. However, it is frowned upon due to scientific studies that the more mixture between the species can eventually result in great or great great grandchildren being born sterile. So it is highly suggested that the species keep to themselves and their own. Mammals to mammals, reptiles to reptiles, avians to avians, etc.

Star Fox:

The Great Fox’s hangar actually has a zero gravity mode. Slippy uses it to properly transfer the vehicles to a more secure location to work with. It is also useful to not tire any of the team members out when they are individually working on their Arwings. Falco especially enjoys the experience.

The Great Fox also has an installed atmospheric clock that mimics the day and night cycle of Corneria—and it also follows Corneria’s clock as to help the team members to have a healthier biological clock when not in active duty. During the daytime, the lights are fully on and operational, and the temperature is at a normal level. During the nighttime, the lights dim down to a mere artificial twilight, and the temperature drops.

There are individual dorms for each member. In fact, there are 6 in total with a bed, a window and a fully functional bathroom. Only 4 are in use until Krystal joins. The spare dorm is used as a guestroom is anyone decides to visit them, or they have to have a rescue mission with a survivor. If by any chance they need more rooms, they can easily convert some of the supply rooms into a guestroom.

Fox McCloud:

He has green eyes.

It was only shown briefly in Farewell Beloved Falco, but I do picture Fox having a short temper. Not as notorious as Falco’s, but enough to warrant the fights the two of them go through.

I also feel as though the short temper comes from the sudden increase of stress and responsibilities Fox had to deal with after his father passed.

Fox never fully believed his father was dead. He never elaborates or speaks much about it with anyone, but after the war, he feels as though his father was always with him. He could even hear his father. It scares him, but comforts him.

Fox is heteroflexible. As in, he only participated in relationships with those of the opposite gender. However, there are a few members of his own gender that, if put in the position, he could actually see himself falling for. But there are a very select few. But if never pushed or bothered about it, he will never really think about his sexuality.

Fox has little experience in bed. He spent most of his time training instead. He had some puppy love in the past, sure, but nothing too serious. The closest he ever got to a truly committed relationship was with Krystal.

He does suffer from an annual rut, and he absolutely hates it. It’s the most awkward time for him and he hides away as much as possible. During the war or missions however, he takes a supplement to bypass the rut altogether. Which, unfortunately means that the rut will come around much stronger the coming year.

On that note, Fox can knot during sex. He also has a natural habit of wanting to bite the individual he is sleeping with.

One more thing. Fox is very vanilla in bed as well.

Out of the team, Fox is possibly the most organized—despite Peppy’s constant complaints. His room is tidy enough for him to know where everything is. It’s also a rule his father implemented when he was little. Put everything back where you found. That’ll make life easier.

Fox is very much reigned by his feelings at times, which can cause him to slip up as a leader. However his actions do reflex what he says in the end.

Fox is a natural furnace. As in, he’s usually warm all the time. Which is why he enjoys the winter season, and can live without summer season. However, he does enjoy the sun as well. Hell, he flew right into the sun, he’s not scared of some heat.

He considers Peppy as a second father to him, Vivian as a mother and Lucy as a sister.

Fox never truly met his mother. She died when he was a baby. James never told him how, just knows that was the reason they left Papetoon. He knew there was a lot of pain connected to his home planet and his father.

Fox found an old pair of aviator glasses of his dad in the Great Fox. He keeps it with him.

The red scarf is still part of the Star Fox uniform because Fox always thought it was a cool accessory to keep around, and none of his teammates complained about it.

When not on active duty, Fox does sleep in. And he has a quiet snore.

Fox is actually very romantic when given the chance. He also wants to have a family.

When in regards to Wolf, Fox respects the canine’s flying and battle skills. He even admires him. But that’s as far as his feelings for Wolf goes. It takes a while to even get to this point as he heard rumors that Wolf was slightly responsible for his father’s murder. But as it wasn’t confirmed, he keeps the Star Wolf team leader at a distance unless they truly need to cooperate with each other.

Fox has no connection to Leon, despite him not really wanting to deal with the chameleon as he is aware of Falco’s uncomfortable-ness around that particular pilot.

Fox will never trust or liked Pigma. The only reason he was trying to save the swine was due to morals.

Pigma’s comments about his father during battles were the hardest things for Fox to ignore. He used it as fuel to hunt the swine down during the dog fights.

Fox actually pitied Andrew if anything.

He is lowkey possessive, especially when it comes to his teammates. It was something he struggled with badly when Falco left for 4 years. Fox never held the avian back or kept him from leaving, but he did struggle with the results afterwards. Which is why he gets very nervous that someone else will leave, or that Falco will leave again. He’d rather discharge them himself if it were the case.

Falco Lombardi:

He has blue eyes. It’s a call back to the Farewell Beloved Falco’s design.

He’s a mix between a Vietnamese Pheasant and a Red Throated Caracara Falcon. Thus he is considered a hybrid falcon and takes pride in his mixture.

He was born in Zoness, but moved to Corneria with his mother when he was 3. He was very attached to his mother, and he is reminded of her when he sees their home planet, Zoness. She passed away when he was still a young teenaged.

Falco never met his father and isn’t interested in meeting him. He has no idea that he actually has a half-sister.

He’s one of the messier teammates. Not with trash or anything, it’s mostly with his clothes as he has a natural habit of nesting in his bed during sleep. This also goes hand in hand with him always being cold and hating it as he doesn’t retain heat very well. So he packs on as much fabric between him and the atmosphere as possible, and is usually seen with his jacket and scarf on.

He’s very much an early riser. He got in the habit of making coffee for the team due to him being the first in the breakroom/kitchen. His coffee is extra strong, dense and enough to wake up even the teammates that enjoy hibernating for too long—aka, Peppy.

Although he never mentions it, Falco is actually a bisexual. He has an equal interest in both females and males, but his type usually lies with mammals due to him growing up in Corneria. He also likes how warm they are. Felines and canines usually catch his eye the most.

Yes, since the war (if not during), Falco has had affections for Fox. However, Falco isn’t good with expressing his feelings and emotions. So he expresses them through diligent action. Slippy feels that Falco is showing off and in a way he is because that’s how he gets Fox’s attention. But the resulting reaction isn’t what he wants…

Falco does regret leaving the team for 4 years. He doesn’t like talking about that time.

Falco does have a rivalry with Krystal, but he instead tries to pull her into the team instead of pushing her away. Why? Because it makes Fox happy to know that the team is back together and getting along, despite Falco’s heavy heart.

Yes, Falco and Katt had a relationship in the past. Falco did and still does care for her a lot, enough to keep her as a friend and unofficial confidant after their romantic relationship ended.  He in fact encouraged her to get with Cool as the feline was a better match for her.

Falco, being an Avian, has a cloaca. Not a penis. He also doesn’t have ruts. Much to Fox’s envy.

He is the tallest member in the team. He is also the lightest in weight. And the fastest running wise. However he is not the strongest, coming in on third after Fox and Peppy. He has a brilliant aim with firearms, tying with Fox. However no one can surpass him in flying, even with Fox tailing him in skill. Falco also has a habit of using his beak as a form of weapon when desperate times call for it.

Falco’s temper is legendary. His sarcasm and sass are just as bad. However his confidence is one of his strongest points, only secondary to his loyalty to Fox and team. Do not fuck with his idiots, they are his idiots.

Falco’s rivalry with Leon comes from his teenhood when he formed his first gang of delinquents and wreaked havoc throughout the Lylat System. The story changes as to why their rivalry started, from Falco continuously defeating Leon in flights, to Leon successfully beating Falco down during a brawl, to Falco and his teammates either vandalizing or outright stealing Leon’s ship. But for some reason, Falco is very aware of Leon’s talent for torture… He never expanded as to why he knows this.

If Falco is anywhere near religious, it’s only because of his mother. If not for her, he’d be an atheist. Although most of his teammates assume he is atheist.

Falco doesn’t own property, so what little he has he keeps in a storage that’s not under his name. It’s under Katt’s. He keeps his more personal and important possessions there, such as documents proving he exists, and photo albums of his mother and of Zoness before the pollution. Some Academy paperwork and criminal records are also stored there.

The Great Fox is basically Falco’s most permanent nest.

On that note, after Peppy sacrificed the Great Fox, Falco pretty much lost majority of his possessions with it. It didn’t hit him until after they were returning to the Lylat System.

Falco did test out the Blue Marine once, as everyone was required to. He kept himself calm until he dove in deep underwater, resulting in a major panic attack. He refuses to enter the mini submarine since.

Unlike Fox, Falco actually doesn’t want children due to personal reasons. This can change however.

In the long run, Falco actually has no reason to be aggressive with Wolf or Panther. The only reason he is stems from the fact that he is part of Fox’s team and he will take the mean spirited banter personally due to that.

Now Pigma can go fuck himself for all Falco cares.

He also couldn’t care less about Andrew.

Falco is aware that Fox put him second in command after Peppy became too old. It’s something that he doesn’t want to think about.

Anything that deals with the undoing of the team makes him incredibly flighty and nervous.

Slippy Toad:

His eyes are dark blue.

Probably the messiest team member in Star Fox, but it’s an organized chaos. As long as he knows what he’s doing, Fox will allow it.

He an atheist due to being brought up as one. He gives more credence to scientific proof than anything.

The war was his first on the field experience with flight, and he was intensely nervous about it—and vocal. However after the war, he started to form a stronger backbone. Enough to either smart talk back to Falco or ignore the avian completely.

Despite all the harsh criticism he receives, Slippy does very much care for his teammates. He can’t stand the idea of any of them not being around for any reason. And when Falco left, he suffered a great deal trying to keep Fox motivated and himself as well. He carries those 4 years as a close reminder of how bad things can get.

Slippy is heterosexual. He has very little experience as well with relationships, but that’s mostly due to him being very selective, and also having a long distance relationship with someone over the internet.

Slippy actually writes his plans and manuals in a way he only understands them. It’s not on purpose. It’s just how his mind works. He noticed this when neither Falco, Fox or Peppy understood how to implement the upgrades. So sometimes he needs to dumb down the instructions so they can also follow.

He will, in fact, blast rock n’ roll as loud as he can in the hangar when he’s working. Or on his headphones. He enjoys music a lot and he did influence some of Fox’s taste when they were kids.

Emotionally, Slippy is probably the most well balanced member in Star Fox.

Peppy Hare:

His eyes are dark crimson.

The oldest Star Fox member alive to date. Also was the first recruited by James McCloud. Pigma Dengar came in later.

His relationship with James was incredibly close, almost brotherly. He misses his friend dearly and it reflect on how he cares for Fox.

He is also very protective of his daughter, to a point that he wasn’t fond of her learning much of what he was teaching Fox as he didn’t want her to have to go through the same things they were. He had no idea how much that would strain his relationship with Lucy at first.

He is also not fond of the idea of her wanting to date any of the Star Fox members. Especially Fox.

Peppy broke down hard when he receive the news that his wife passed away. It was the first time since James McCloud that all of the families got together to grieve. Pallbearers he picked were himself, Fox, Beltino, Slippy, Bill and Falco. Lucy was an honorary pallbearer.

Peppy is also close to General Pepper due to old connections and due to his and James successfulness with the Star Fox team before the Lylat Wars.

It actually took a while for Peppy to warm up to Falco when the avian was first recruited, but he offered Fox as much support as possible in the decision. Slippy was easier for him to accept. Peppy was more comfortable with the new dynamic of the team a little before they entered the war.

Peppy actually manages the money for the Star Fox team, and he’s still mentoring Fox over how much should be spent and saved away as there would be long dry seasons in between missions. He worries that Fox might over spend at times, or overly ration their resources. Neither would be good. Fox still needs to pay his father’s debt, even after the Great Fox was destroyed during the Aparoid invasion.

He actually doesn’t fully forgive himself for what happened to James. He had no idea that Pigma would be capable of betrayal, and there are nights where he thinks about what if scenarios where maybe he could have pulled James out of the situation, of that he should have stayed behind so James could still remain. But such thoughts leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

Krystal:

After she joined the Star Fox team, she was the cleanest member in the group. Her room is spotless and beyond organized.

She actually picks up on things very fast due to her empathy and telepathy. However there is a downside that she tries to avoid, which is slipping into other minds and picking up thoughts or emotions. She does he best to avoid it.

She can also see glimpses of various futures, and it’s another talent she tries very much to avoid because it will drive her insane.

She can feel that Falco is jealous of her, but she dares not figure out why. She actually appreciates his caution around her, and it means way more when he does defend her from others. Something Fox doesn’t entirely comprehend.

Once she meets Lucy, the two of them became fast friends. It was a good way to learn more about Fox’s childhood and also of the rest of the team.

Unlike the rest of the Star Fox team, she’s actually very sympathetic towards Star Wolf, if not indifferent. She has no reason to hate them and hasn’t been around long enough to form an opinion. By the time she can, Star Wolf instead assisted them. So her opinion on Wolf, Leon and Panther are leagues more positive than the rest of her teammates.

Lucy Hare:

She grew up with Fox since a toddler. She considers him part of her family, despite the jealousy she felt over him for spending more time with her father. She slightly resented this, as Peppy never taught her everything like he did to Fox.

Lucy however did have a long lasting crush on Fox. Fox just never noticed.

She did good in the Academy, mostly excelling in strategy and scouting. But after she got rejected from joining the Star Fox team, she just went into an Educational career instead, promoting Fichina.

She keeps in constant contact with her father and mother and Fox and Slippy. She also started to accept Falco as a family member. Took a while, but she gets as close to him as she is did with Fox and Slippy.

[askhaylie]

Task 002:About the mun

Name/Alias:Andrada 

Pronouns:She/her

Which characters do you write currently?:

Haylie Hades,  @askhaylie

Aziz Al-Hamed,  @askprinceofagrabah

Ayana Kani, @asksavannahchild

What got you into Descendants?:

One of my former middle school classmates told me about it the year the first film was released and we decided to watch it together that summer. I immediately fell for the plot and the possibilities.

Favorite color:Blue

Favorite food:Pizza, plum dumplings, paella

Favorite book(s) and character(s) from it:Too many to write here but I’ll name the ones on the top of my head:

To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo, my favorite characters would be Lira and Elian. Fun fact: Prince Elian, the pirate prince, serves as one of my fictional inspirations for Aziz.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, with  Amari as favorite characters. Her character developement so far is pure bliss

Heart of Thorns by Bree Barton with MIa as favorite character. This novel kept me on the edge of my seat and the protagonist is relatable.

Hyacinth girls by Lauren Frankel, though I can’t say that I have a favorite character because they all touched my heart. I cried reading it and don’t regret a single tear.

Favorite movie(s) and character(s) from it:

Fantastic Beasts and where to find them with Newt and Queenie among my favorite characters. I’m a big Harry Potter fan and I love this new franchise taking place in the wizarding world

Joseph:King of Dreams but again, I don’t have a favorite character because I generally liked it for the heartfelt message and the badass representation of Ancient Egypt. I’m also in love with other Dreamworks masterpieces like The Road to El Dorado and Prince of Egypt.

The Greatest Showman with everyone as favorite characters. I could watch it everyday.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done?:

So far one of my favorite memories/experiences would have to be volunteering at the International Mathematical Olympiad this summer. I got to see people from 114 countries in the same place and it was fun.

Fill one of these out for each character!

Character Name: Haylie Hades

Parent(s)/Movie:Hades/Hercules

What makes this character special?:

She grew up on the Isle but still turned out as a total Hufflepuff (or Hufflepunk as she’d prefer it). She was also half-raised by none other than the Greek goddess Persephone and her hair bursts into flames when angry like her father’s. 

Fun fact: most people won’t remember this but last summer when I applied for Haylie she was the first VK OC in AskDescendants (my first rp group which is no longer active).

How are you and this character similar? Dissimilar?:

We’re both introverted and my secondary Hogwarts house is Hufflepuff but that’s where they similarities kinda stop besides our love for dogs. I don’t have her confidence or sarcasm. Or her tough, kinda scary and definitely fiery attitude. We both prefer mental activities to phsyical ones but she’d rather study science (especially Physics) while I’d always go for literature and history.

What’s the hardest part about writing this character?:

The things she says are often mean and I feel like apologizing in the tags. Nevermind the fact that I’m the one coming up with her comebacks and they don’t always turn out as snarky as I wished because while I’m considered witty by  my friends I’m  not a comeback machine like other people. All of my current characters are witty in different ways and it’s also a matter of portraying difference between them in their speaking styles.

What do you see this character doing in the future?

I see her found a sort of NGO tasked with rescuing puppies, hellhounds and other mythological creatures like hydras from all around the world, along with an international campaign designed to help people understand them better. Assuming she’s marying Tayen, she’ll visit Pixie Hollow regularly and serve as an ambassador of the Underworld to the living world. Naturally, she’ll continue to stand by Queen Cora of Wonderland as her best friend.

Character Name:Aziz Al-Hamed

Parent(s)/Movie:Aladdin and Jasmine from Aladdin

What makes this character special?:

For a person who lacks magical powers, he sure is surrounded by magic. His girlfriend has ice magic, his aunt is half-Djinn and one of his other friends is a descendants of the sun God Inti. Not to mention his magic carpet. 

How are you and this character similar? Dissimilar?:

Not at all, I’m an introvert who likes reading and he’s an extroverted athlete. The list goes on. But he shares my love for travelling and helping other people.

What’s the hardest part about writing this character?:

As I’ve mentioned before, we’re very different. Plus, he’s technically canon and though underdeveloped in the franchise, I care about getting his portrayal right.

What do you see this character doing in the future?

I see him becoming a beloved and commited Sultan of Agrabah, having learned in the meantime that he doesn’t have to seem “invincible” or “perfect.”. Assuming she’s marying Eira, he’s probably gonna have kids and find a way with the new Queen of Arendelle to rule both of their lands together. I also think he’s gonna hire a royal wizard of some sorts to deal with magic  without falling into the hands of another evil sorcerer like Jafar. He’ll definitely have regular state visits to his fellow royal friends like Stefan and Ben.

Character Name:Ayana Kani

Parent(s)/Movie:Rafiki/ Lion King franchise

What makes this character special?:

She was raised by a mandrill and a bunch of  (royal) lions in the savannah.She denies her humanity because of this and doesn’t care about Auradon’s rules.

How are you and this character similar? Dissimilar?:

We both feel good around nature and kind of at disadvantage in social situations (though for completely different reasons). We also like giving advice and learning new things but we do it in different ways. Otherwise, we’re very different.

What’s the hardest part about writing this character?:

Again, she’s very rebellious and unpredictable. Sometimes it’s hard predicting her next move because even though I developed her mindset before applying for her she makes her decisions on the spot with her guts.

What do you see this character doing in the future?

I’ve only been writing her for a week so I’m not sure. I think after more time she’ll learn to accept her humanity and change the world around her for the better without causing accidental havoc at the same time. She might stay in the Pridelands as a shaman and royal advisor (which is the only goal she currently sees fit) or become a sort of bridge between Auradon and Pride Rock, helping with diplomatic relations between the two nations.