#the kindergarten teacher 2018

[letterboxd-worth-a-damn]

[ladyhawke]

Gael García Bernal as Simon The Kindergarten Teacher (2018) dir. Sara Colangelo

[totaly-obsessed]

can you write for katie where her and reader have a child and readers admiring them playing together

Mo Stór

Katie McCabe x reader

-> Watching Katie play with your daughter will never get old

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

People could say all they wanted about Katie on and off the pitch, and no matter what she did there would always be someone who would not like her – so she gave up on getting people to like her and just started being herself.

That’s why you fell in love with her all those years ago. It was so easy to fall in love because the Irish woman was just so lovable.

When the then twenty-two-year-old had returned from her loan spell to Glasgow City, she was a changed woman – more mature with more bite and goals in life as she returned to Arsenal, and you. You, her girlfriend since 2015 – but that title would not hold much longer, because upon returning, Katie proposed to you.

It was a lovely day in – you had woken up together and prepared a nice brunch before going for a walk outside. It was as romantic as Katie would get, still keeping her humor that had won you over in the first place – handing you a ring-pop at first before pulling out the real one.

The wedding was small but everything both of you wanted, taking place in Katie's hometown of Tallaght where you had set up in a stunning barn. The footballer’s entire family was there, as were most of the Arsenal girls that could make it – for you however, there were just a couple of friends that had come.

Same-sex marriage had only been legal for two years in Ireland It was after the wedding that it would be legalized in Germany where you were from. And while your parents were not necessarily against it, they also weren’t fans of it – opting not to make an appearance.

Later in the year, in October 2017, after many conversations you had started the first round of IVF, thankful for the chance of having a baby together. And to everybody’s surprise, it worked. The first round worked. Both of you were incredibly happy and after a hard pregnancy, Aine Lily McCabe joined your little family in July of 2018.

---

---

Now in 2023, the five-year-old was still the light of your life – making every single day better than it already was. You thought life couldn’t get better after Katie, but you were wrong, Aine made life just a little more colorful.

With Katie being a footballer, her schedule could be crazy, but your teacher lifestyle came with a very consistent week, which made everything much easier, there always would be difficulties - like on that particular day. Aine’s Kindergarten was closed due to sickness, but you had to work – leaving Katie with her spitting image at the Arsenal training grounds.

You had been scared that the day would end in a catastrophe, but the girls loved ‘their youngest member’ and Jonas was happy to have her as well as she was a nice distraction from the serious topics and hard training.

After finishing for the day, instead of heading home, you opted for the Arsenal Training Center, desperate to see your girls after a long day. Once parked, you didn’t even need to check inside, hearing the girls yell from the pitch – so you just followed their noise.

It was now the midst of October and the Arsenal girls were preparing for their game against Aston Villa. You could see your breath due to the cold, as you walked the way to the pitch. It was chaotic, and the girls were playing matches on smaller fields, with fewer people – but there were 2 games at the same time.

You could see Aine sitting on a jacket by the side of the pitch, a beanie much too big to be her own, on her little head, hiding her brown hair. She was dressed appropriately in a warm sweater, with a big jacket on top, not even remotely cold as you shivered on your way. Pulled over her jacket was a bright yellow bib, that marked one team from the other. And after a glance, your guess was confirmed, that Katie was also wearing yellow.

“Hiya baby!” The little brunette squealed as you plucked her off the ground, swinging her back and forth before sitting down with her on your lap. “Mommy!” Wet kisses were littered all over your face – something else that she copied from her mother. “I missed youuu!” She sang the last ‘u’ while pouting adorably. “Missed ya too baby.”

A shrill whistle marked the end, two sets of women cheering in victory, as the opposing teams looked disappointed. It didn’t take your wife long to join you, taking her biggest fan out of your arm, and settling her on her hip, before pulling you up by your hands. You couldn't even register anything as fast as she had already roped you into a deep kiss, as Aine hid her face in Katie's neck. “Come on a stór – show me watch ya got.”

Katie had taken her little stór, her treasure with her, setting her down and explaining where to steal a ball from, when a long, lanky arm found its way around your shoulders. Viv was smiling at you, giving you a quick hug, before Beth could get there first. “What a bad wife you have – doesn’t even give you a jacket.”

The three of you chuckled as you pushed the blonde off, picking up Katie's discarded jacket from the ground, and pulling it over your own. It was nice to chat with them even if you saw them just a couple of days ago – there was always new gossip to gather. The whole team was obsessed with your student's gossip – and while you would never tell important or confidential stuff, the ‘who-loves-who’ was very interesting to the footballers.

“Oh, look at Aine go!” It was Alessia who made you look back to your daughter. The five-year-old was sprinting down the pitch, Kyra by her side as Katie was ‘trying’ to defend the goal where Sabrina jumped from left to right. The Australian passed Aine the ball, who just stretched her leg out and it went in. Leaving a stunned Katie and Sabrina.

Loud cheers made your daughter shy, as Kyra picked her up, throwing her in the air and catching her again. The brunette walked over to her mom, hiding in her legs, with a broad smile on her face. “Mama, I made it!” Your wife could not help but laugh “You did baby, but right now, I’m your opponent, not your friend, right?” She had crouched down by now, wiping some dirt off your daughter’s face. “No, you are Mama. My Mama.”

Meanwhile, you stood at the side of the pitch, staring at your gorgeous wife and daughter. Viv and Beth were quite amused at your speechlessness. “Recon if they were alone Mrs. McCabe would jump her bones right here and now.” You nearly gave yourself whiplash with how fast you looked at your friend. “Beth!” The couple walked away chuckling to themselves.

You had not moved an inch, watching Katie kick the ball at Aine, who sent it back to her. It was adorable. Whenever a ball went to wide, Katie would run after it, reassuring her daughter that she did a great job. Big smiles on both their faces. Smiles that looked almost identical.

Katie was so incredibly great with Kids, that it made you cry sometimes. She would always make time for the little girls and boys who wanted her attention or signature, even if she was already late. She really listened to them, getting on their level, meeting their eyes, and never took them as too young or inexperienced when she talked about something serious. Katie took the time to explain, helping your daughter with homework when you were just too tired.

Your wife by now had noticed your starring, a smirk on her face as she sent Aine to go with Kyra to the changing rooms. Your daughter abruptly took the Australian's hand, tugging her with her. Once Katie stood in front of you, she covered your very cold ears with her warm hands, giving you a passionate kiss after making sure that you were the last ones outside. “What are ya starring at, lovie?”

The smile on your face was love-drunk, and Katie loved it. “I want another one.” You had buried your head in her neck, trying to hide your hot face – but she quickly nudged you out of it. “Huh? Repeat that for me, my love.”

Her smirk was unbearable to look at, as hot as it was. “Could’ve sworn ya said you want another one.” Your nod was enough to earn you another searing kiss that left you breathless. “I really do Katie. Do you- I mean do you want another one?”

“Mama! Kyra stole my shoeeee!” Your wife pressed her forehead against yours, keeping you close. “We’ll talk about it when we get home, yeah?”

“Kyra! Give it baack! Mama!” Apparently, Aine had found herself a big sister in the Australian who was standing in the hallway, holding a tiny shoe in her hand, pretending to throw it outside. “I’m coming mo stór!”

[hockey-fics]

Then Everything Changed - Matthew Tkachuk

ft. Brady (platonically)

You said goodbye and didn’t ask all the questions you wanted to ask. What does this mean? Does it mean anything? What are we? Are we going to tell anyone?

Word Count: ~4,000

Warnings: drinking

A/N: The ending is pretty bad on this one, I'll admit that. I've been struggling with writing recently so hopefully it's still an enjoyable read!

You met Brady in kindergarten. One afternoon early in the school year he tried to take a book from you and you yelled so loudly your teacher was at your side just a second later. The punishment for both of you was to share the book, which you initially despised the thought of. But it took barely twenty minutes for you and Brady to be laughing and talking as if you hadn’t been screaming at him just moments before. 

You spent a lot of time on the playground together during recess and lunch. Before long you were going to his house and he was coming over to yours. In the process your families grew close as well, your parents finding new friendship with Keith and Chantal. 

Through the years you spent more and more time with Brady, and not always because of your own choices. Going to the Tkachuk family home for dinners with your parents became a frequent occurrence, as was having them over to your own house for dinner. 

You had never thought of Brady as anything more than a friend. In fact, you often thought of him as more of a brother. He would taunt you and tease you but he would be the first to stand up for you when anyone else did it. You trusted him with everything and anything yet you knew he would be the first person to make fun of you for your menial teenage problems. You were in the stands of almost every single one of Brady’s home games, cheering him on at every step of his hockey development. 

No matter how much both you and Brady would deny feelings for each other you were subjected to near constant teasing from your families. You weren’t allowed to be behind closed doors together, despite insisting you would never want to do anything sexual with Brady. When you would go out alone, to the a movie or a restaurant, you wouldn’t hear the end of the comments about it being a date. When prom rolled around neither of you had dates so you went together, as friends, of course, but that only served to add fuel to the fire. 

It wasn’t Brady that you had feelings for you. It wasn’t him, yet everyone was so close to the truth. It was Matthew who you had feelings for. You were fourteen when you realized. You were supposed to be meeting Brady at his house on your way to go bowling with a few other friends. When you got there Brady hadn’t gotten home from an afternoon practice. But Matt was there and he let you in. You sat on the couch while he played video games and you tried to understand the game, hoping that it would impress him. You weren’t sure what he said to you that day but you do remember the way it made your heart race and your cheeks flush. It was that day that you realized your families had been so, so wrong about who you had feelings for. 

Your families remained close through the years. Everyone was on their own journey but that didn’t stop you from spending as much time as you could together when everyone was back in town. 

You never expected anything to happen between you and Matt. By the time you graduated high school Matt was already in Calgary playing for the Flames. Every time you saw each other it seemed to be in the presence of at least one sibling or parent. Siblings and parents who insisted that it was you and Brady who you were supposed to be flirting with, not even considering the possibility of you having feelings for Matt. 

Everything changed one evening in October in 2018. Matt was in St. Louis, playing a game against the Blues. He asked if you wanted to come to the game and you said yes without a moment of hesitation. It wasn’t often that you got to see him or Brady play anymore, with both of them so far from the arenas you used to spend hours in watching them play growing up. They lost the game that night, but that didn’t stop Matt from texting asking if you wanted to come out with him and a few other for drinks after. 

When you showed up to the bar that night something felt different. Brady wasn’t around to be the link between you and Matt. Your parents weren’t there to see you use the fake ID your friend got for you for your nineteenth birthday. There were no comments being made about you and Brady. It was just you and Matt and a group of people who didn’t know the history. 

So you had a few drinks and then a few more. You stuck by Matt’s side and didn’t say anything when he slipped his arm around your waist. You didn’t pull back when he leaned in closer than necessary to talk to you and you didn’t stop him from taking your hand at the end of the night to guide you out and into the Uber that was waiting outside for you. When you got to your apartment you didn’t bat an eye when he got out with you, letting him follow you inside. And when he finally kissed you that night in the dim light of the kitchen you kissed him back without hesitation, your hands grasping at him with five years of built up feelings. 

He left early the next morning to get back to the hotel and onto the bus to continue on with the road trip. You wished it had been as easy as you made it seem. You said goodbye and didn’t ask all the questions you wanted to ask. What does this mean? Does it mean anything? What are we? Are we going to tell anyone? You kept it together till he was long gone and then you let yourself fall into a mess on the couch, mind swirling with frantic thoughts that you didn’t know how to slow. 

Nothing came from that night. At least not until Christmas of that year. You were having friends over for a pre-Christmas celebration on the 23rd. Brady wasn’t in town yet but Matt was. You extended the invitation, half expecting him to say no. But he turned up at your door in his ugliest Christmas sweater with drinks in one hand and a White Elephant present in the other. He stayed the whole night, fitting in easily with your friends. When everyone was beginning to trickle out of your apartment at the end of the night Matt hung around, exchanging glances with you that you were certain were holding some sort of meaning. It didn’t take long for you to realize you were right, when the last of your friends left and Matt had you pressed against the closed front door, his lips on yours. You let it happen again, knowing the turmoil it put you in the last time you slept with him. But in that moment it didn’t matter. 

Things continued on in the same fashion for years. Summers and Christmas breaks and any other chance to see each other. You would sneak away when you could, away from the prying eyes of your families and their speculations. Questions were never asked and answers were never given. You didn’t know what any of meant, didn’t know if you had a right to feel jealous when you thought of Matt being with other women when he went back home. But when he was there with you it didn’t matter so much, your mind forgetting about those thoughts during the moments with him. 

August 2023

“Do you want a coffee?”

Pulling your headphones out you look up at Matt, waiting for him to repeat himself. You watch him shake his head, chuckling to himself. “Do you want a coffee?”

“Are you buying?” you joke, smiling up at him from where you were sitting in the slightly uncomfortable airport seat. 

“Just get up,” Matt mutters, rolling his eyes. 

“You’re not just going to get it for me?” Sighing you push your suitcase towards Brady, sitting a couple seats down from you. “Will you watch my stuff while I go get coffee with Matt? He needs a babysitter.”

“If you get me one too,” Brady tells you, barely looking up from his phone. 

“Fine,” you huff, standing up you follow Matt down the corridor of the airport. You remain in silence till you’re standing in front of the coffee kiosk, not that you were surprised, it was barely 6 in the morning. After ordering your own coffee you order one for Brady, Matt swooping in to order his own and pay for all three. 

“So how’s this going to work?” Matt asks suddenly as you walk to the end of the kiosk to wait for the drinks. 

Furrowing your eyebrows you turn your attention to Matt, folding your arms over your chest. “How’s what going to work?”

“Us,” Matt says with a shrug.

“What us, Matt?” you whisper, glancing around nervously. “It’s not a big deal, just be normal.”

Matt nods slowly, parting his lips to say something before being interrupted by the barista calling his name. Spinning around he takes his drink from her with a quiet thanks. Taking your own drink and Brady’s you follow after Matt who was walking noticeably faster. Back at your gate you hand Brady his coffee, seeing Taryn and Chantal had gotten back from getting breakfast. At least the increase in people allowed some of the tension between you and Matt to dissipate. 

It takes what feels like forever to board the plane, shuffling slowly to your seat next to Brady. You fall back asleep quickly, the caffeine in the coffee doing nothing to combat the meager 3 hours of sleep you got the night before. When you wake up again Brady is gently shaking you. Inhaling a sharp breath you pull your head off of Brady’s shoulder, sleepily glancing around the plane. 

“Sorry,” you mumble tiredly, realizing the plane was already landing. It was only a four hour flight but you sure hadn’t meant to use Brady as a pillow for the entire trip. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Brady chuckles. “At least you won’t be cranky all afternoon now.”

“I’m never cranky,” you defend with a giggle that says everything anyone needed to know. You did have a bit of a track record of getting cranky if you didn’t get enough sleep. “I can’t wait to get off this plane.”

“You haven’t even been awake for any of it, why are you complaining?”

“I’m not complaining,” you tell him with a yawn. “I’m just excited to get to the resort. Did we decide if we were going to the beach or the pool this afternoon?”

“I don’t think so,” Brady replies with a shrug. 

Leaning across the aisle you tap Matt’s arm, getting his attention. You watch him pull his headphones off, looking over at you with a cold stare. “Did we, um, are we going to the pool or beach today?”

“Don’t know,” Matt mutters, quickly pulling his headphones back on and looking away from you again. 

Your eyes don’t leave him immediately, stunned by his dismissive response. Sure you were asleep for the last four hours but what could possibly have happened in the span of a few hours to warrant that response? You try to shake it off, put it out of your mind for the time being. From the plane to the airport to the resort you focus on Brady, making conversation to distract yourself from the sinking feeling your exchange with Matt had left you with. 

Your room is across from Matt and Brady’s room that they agreed to share, just down the hall from the rooms occupied by everyone else on the trip. After changing out of your less than summery airplane outfit you text Matt, asking him to come over. You needed to figure out what was going on before you drove yourself crazy trying to make up an answer. He’s at your door just a few minutes later. 

“Hey,” you whisper. “Is something wrong?”

Matt walks into your room, leaning against the desk by the patio, his eyes focused on something unseen to you on the carpet in front of him. “No.”

“Okay,” you mumble, walking closer, slowly, hesitantly. “Are you sure? Because you’re kind of being a dick.”

“I am?” Matt snaps, whipping his head up to look at you. 

Flinching at his sudden change in demeanour you fold your arms over your chest. “Yes?” 

“Why does it even matter? I mean, it’s not a big deal, we don’t need to spend time together.”

“What are you even talking about, Matt?” you exclaim, shaking your head in helpless confusion.  

“I’m talking about you being all cuddly with Brady right in front of me. Your parents even got some cute pictures…maybe you can show them at your wedding.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, laughing coldly. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. My parents have spent the last like twenty years basically planning your wedding with my brother and you’re not going anything to stop it even though we’ve been fucking for five fucking years.”

“What do you want me to do, Matt? I’ve spent my whole life telling everyone that I don’t have feelings for him, it’s not my fault that nobody wants to listen to me.”

“Something,” Matt exclaims. “Anything, I don’t know, but it feels pretty shitty just having to sit around while they talk about you two like that.”

“I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t know what to do though, he’s my best friend, I’m not going to stop spending time with him because it makes you jealous.”

“That’s not-,” Matt begins before letting out an annoyed sigh. “That’s not what I’m asking and you know that.” 

You’re silent for a few minutes, trying to wrack your brain for something to say. Before you have the chance Matt is heading for the door, leaving your room without another word. After gathering a few of your things you head across the hallway, knocking on the hotel room door across from you. 

“What do you want?” Matt mutters after pulling the door open. 

“Where’s Brady?”

“Of course.” Matt steps to the side, opening the door further to let you step inside. 

“Stop,” you whisper, shaking your head. “You’re being an asshole.”

“Just go talk to your boyfriend,” Matt whispers, nodding towards the other side of the room where Brady was rifling through his suitcase for something. 

Rolling your eyes you walk across the room, plopping down on the bed next to Brady’s suitcase. “Are we going to the pool?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you want to do,” Brady replies, pulling a white t-shirt from his suitcase. “I think one of the pools has a swim-up bar.”

“You know me so well,” you tell him, laughing quietly. You watch him pull the hoodie he was still wearing from the flight off, tossing it onto the bed. Quickly averting your gaze your eyes meet with Matt, noticing the way his jaw was clenched, glaring in your direction. Sighing you keep your eyes off of Brady, despite having seen him in much less many times in your life. 

After everyone is ready you head down to the pool, tugging your clothes off to leave you in the blue bikini you had bought just days before the trip. When you turn around to face the pool you notice Matt staring, his gaze dipping much lower than your eyes. Rolling your eyes you walk in his direction, glancing over your shoulder to make sure everyone was preoccupied behind you before reaching out and resting your fingers on Matt’s bare torso. “If you’re going to look at me like that you really need to start being nicer to me.”

A shaky breath leaves Matt’s lips as he reaches down, his hand folding over your fingers and pushing them off his body. “I’m not doing this with you.” He turns around a second later, sitting down on one of the empty lounge chairs nearby, pulling his phone out and not so much as glancing in your direction again. 

A few minutes later you’re getting into the pool with Brady and Taryn, trying to make the most of the trip even if Matt was making that difficult. At the swim-up bar you order a shot and a cocktail, a recipe to begin forgetting about the conflict with Matt as quickly as possible. The three of you remain in the pool through a few more drinks before finding a few empty lounge chairs, not for a moment running out of things to talk about, especially once the alcohol hits your system. 

The afternoon slips by quickly, leading to dinner at one of the restaurants on the resort. You’re fighting to seem sober as you stare at the menu, reading the words printed on it though you’re not really processing them. 

“You okay?” Brady asks. 

Turning your head you look over at him, nodding quickly before giggling. “There’s too many choices.”

“Have another margarita, this could be a really fun dinner,” Brady teases. 

“Shut up,” you whine, looking back down at the menu. “I’m getting the tacos.”

“Good choice,” Brady tells you with a chuckle. 

Closing the menu you reach for your glass of water, your eyes locking with Matt where he was sitting across the table from you. “Are you having a good time, Matt?”

“Yup, a great time,” he mutters, picking up his drink and finishing the rest of it in one large gulp. 

Rolling your eyes you take a sip of your water before focusing on the conversation that the rest of the table was involved in. By the time dinner is over the evening had turned to night and your parents as well as Chantal and Keith head back to their rooms. After a quick discussion the rest of you decide to head to the lounge for a few more drinks. You order another margarita, finding a table with Brady, Taryn, and Matt. You talk for awhile, Matt choosing to ignore you most of the time. 

When you head to the bar for another drink Matt leaves the table as well, disappearing somewhere into the dimly lit lounge. You order a margarita, leaning against the bar while you wait for it. As you do your eyes scan down the length of the bar, stopping when you see Matt. Matt and a woman you didn’t recognize. Matt and a woman who was laughing a little too hard at whatever he was saying. Matt and a woman who suddenly had her hand on his forearm, smiling up at him with a look that you’re sure you’d given Matt a number of times yourself. Swallowing heavily you take the drink the bartender had placed in front of you, weaving your way down the bar towards Matt. 

“Sorry,” you say, aiming it towards the woman beside Matt. “Can we um, can we talk?” you ask Matt. 

“I’m kinda busy,” Matt mutters, his eyes falling to the drink he was holding on the bar. 

“Matt,” you whisper, your voice wavering. “Please.”

Matt turns his head, his eyes softening when he looks at you. “Okay,” he tells you, sliding off the barstool he was sitting on. “It was nice to meet you,” Matt tells the woman he was talking to. “Maybe I’ll see you around,” he adds before turning and placing his hand on your lower back. He guides you around the bar and out into the quiet evening. 

You stare up at him, both of you silent, uncertain. You try to think of something to say but you didn’t know what you should say. Should you apologize for pulling him away from another woman? Should you tell him that your feelings for him were far beyond casual? Should you offer to tell everyone the truth? Before you can say anything Matt is pulling you closer, leaning down and kissing you. He tastes like rum and his hands are firm on your body. Your own hands slide up over his chest, arms resting on his shoulders. “Let’s go to my room,” you mumble against his lips. 

Matt agrees quickly, taking your hand and letting you pull him through the resort and back to your hotel room. You don’t exchange any words, not on the way there and not in your room. You let your actions speak for you, letting Matt pull your clothes off, stumbling through the room and onto the bed. You don’t get much further before there’s a pounding at your door. Scrambling to your feet you tug on enough clothes to answer it, opening just enough to the see Brady standing in the hallway. 

“What the hell?” he exclaims. “You just left? We couldn’t find you anywhere. Do you know how worried I was?” 

“I-,” you begin, stunned by the panicky look on Brady’s face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…I didn’t think it was a big deal, I just…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Brady breathes out, shaking his head. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just, um, think I need to get some sleep.”

Brady nods, reaching over and pulling you into a hug. “Goodnight,” he whispers. 

“Goodnight, Brady,” you tell him, waiting for him to head into his room before shutting your own door. Sighing quietly you head back to the bed, flopping down next to Matt, the mood very different after the interruption. 

“I love you.”

Your eyes widen when you hear those words. Turning your head you focus on Matt, your breathing shaky. “What?”

“I love you,” Matt repeats, reaching over and sliding his hand into yours. You’re certain he’s drunk but his words are sincere. He’s sitting up a couple minutes later, climbing off your bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

You watch him leave your room, pulling your legs up to your chest, frozen in place while you let his words truly sink in. Love. He loved you. Those words play in your mind, over and over till you’re curled up in your bed, trying desperately to fall to asleep. Eventually sleep takes over and you don’t wake till your vibrating phone tugs you out of your slumber. Fumbling through the blankets on the bed you turn the screen to your eyes, pressing answer on the call from Brady. 

“Good morning,” Brady says with a chuckle, knowing that he had woken you up. “We’re down at the buffet for breakfast if you want to get out of bed and join us.”

“I’ll be down soon,” you mumble tiredly. After getting ready as fast as your tired, hungover body could handle you find your way to the buffet. There’s a spot next to Matt and you hover around the entrance to the restaurant, your mind swirling with thoughts again. Slowly you approach the table, sinking down into the seat beside Matt. 

“Good morning,” Matt says, his voice quiet, uncertain. It’s obvious he’s unsure about where he stood with you after his confession the night before. 

Leaning closer you bring your hands to the sides of his face, pulling him in and kissing him gently. “I love you too,” you whisper, quiet enough that you’re sure he’s the only one that will be able to hear you. 

When you pull back the table is silent, surprised glances being exchanged and you reach over, grasping Matt’s hand. “Hold on,” Brady mutters, shaking his head. “What is going on?”

Your cheeks flush with warmth, looking over at Matt. “I don’t know,” you admit. “What is going on, Matt?”

“Maybe if we had that conversation back at the airport I would know,” Matt teases. 

“Airport?” Brady exclaims. “How long has this been going on?”

Your cheeks flush deeper, looking over at Matt. “Since, um, like Matt’s third year in Calgary.”

“Holy shit,” Taryn mutters, eyes darting back and forth from you to Matt. “All those years thinking you and Brady were going to be together.”

“Definitely time to move on from that,” you announce, hoping that everyone would get the message loud and clear. You feel Matt run his finger over the back of your hand and you squeeze his hand gently, reassuringly.

There were still many unanswered questions but at least now you were comfortable in knowing that you would get the answers you were looking for. 

[mediademon]

The Kindergarten Teacher (2018) dir. Sara Colangelo

[abirdie]

Gael García Bernal in The Kindergarten Teacher (2018, dir. Sara Colangelo)

(these gifs also feature Maggie Gyllenhaal)

Gifs are all 540px wide so you can click to see larger.

[other gael filmography gifsets]

[gael-garcia]

Gael García Bernal in The Kindergarten Teacher (2018, Sara Colangelo) + Amárrame - Mon Laferte, Juanes

[envydeanwrites]

Strangers on a Train

Pairing: Destiel Rating: Teen & Up Tags: meet awkward, nurse!Dean, Single Dad Dean, Single Dad Cas, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Subways Word Count: 2,167 Summary: One thing Dean's never been able to get the hang of is putting his daughter's hair in braids. That is until he watches a man on his train to work do just the thing he can't. When said man accuses him of staring, instead of malice, a friendship blooms between the two single parents.

Read on AO3 | written for @spnfluffbingo (2018): single parent au

Dean gets the train every morning to the hospital, it saves him from trying to park his precious Impala in the cramped, underground parking lot. He usually ignores everyone, preferring to put in his headphones and turn up Led Zeppelin.

That is until he spots a dark-haired man get on at the next stop, trailing a blonde-haired child behind him. He sits on a spare seat and Dean can’t help but watch as the child steps in front of him and hands him a hairbrush.

The man brushes through the girl’s hair before splitting it in two and plaiting it with quick efficiency. He sits in stunned silence then, not even hearing his favourite track playing from his iPod. He’s jealous, the most he can do with his own daughter's hair is sweep it up in a ponytail and even then it’s messy and Dean finds her kindergarten teacher has redone it at some point during the day.

***

When Dean goes to pick up his daughter that evening, he notices that her hair has been done up in a better ponytail than she left with that morning and he shakes his head before getting her belted in the Impala.

The drive home is short and he wants to try plaiting his daughter's hair before dinner.

“Emma? Will you come here a moment?” He calls and waits for her in the lounge, her hairbrush and hair ties laid out.

When Emma bounds into the room and spots the hairbrush she eyes them wearily and scowls at them.

"Don't give me that look, I gotta practice sometime!" Dean scolds teasingly. Emma rolls her eyes, which Dean promptly ignores and waits for her to stand in front of him. "I saw another daddy today putting braids in his daughters hair. Thought I'd give it a try." Emma just nods and remains quiet. 

Dean parts Emma's hair into two just as he'd seen the man on the train do. It's wobbly and one side has more hair than the other. The comb catches a knot and Emma huffs her displeasure.

"Sorry." 

"Why can't Miss Bradbury do it?" Emma asks. She starts to turn her head but Dean sets his hands on either side and keeps her facing forward. 

"Because," Dean says as he splits one half in three. "Part of my job is to make sure you're well cared for and that includes doing your hair." 

Emma's head tugs to one side as he tries to remember how the man's hands moved. 

"Miss Bradbury is gentle!" 

Dean tries to not let the words hurt, but it's hard. He battles through it, starting the braid, and it's going well until it isn't. When he ties off the end it looks messier than he's ever seen Emma's hair. He grumbles under his breath and pulls it out much to Emma's disdain. 

"Alright, not happening today. Dinner will be in an hour so go play while I cook."

Emma can't seem to get away quick enough, tearing through the house and up the stairs to her room. 

Dinner is easy enough, spaghetti and meatballs, and it's just as well since his mind is elsewhere through the process. The digital photo frame that sits next to the electric kettle flicks to a picture of Emma sitting on Lydia's lap. Dean remembers taking the photo, it had been the first time Lydia put Emma's hair up. It's tufty like a pineapple top and Emma's cute grin makes her look goofy. 

It's not like Lydia would have been the one to always do Emma's hair, it's not why he doesn't know how. Lydia passed away before even she got a chance to start doing Emma's hair, so they could learn together. 

"Daddy?" 

Dean drops the spoon into the spaghetti sauce and only just refrains from swearing. He turns to find Emma with paper and colouring pencils in her hands. 

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Can I colour at the table? I'll clear up before eating time." 

"Sure," Dean says with a smile and then watches as she clambers into a chair and spreads out her supplies. 

***

The man with the dark hair is on the train again the next morning with the same little girl, repeating the actions of yesterday expertly. 

Dean's jealous, absolutely, but mostly curious and he watches him twist and turn his fingers around fine blonde hair. He tries not to be obvious but it's difficult when the carriage isn't very busy. 

Once he's done it's easier to look away and Dean goes back to his phone and searches up a couple of tutorial videos to entertain him through his last few stops. 

As the train comes to a halt a shadow looms over him and Dean looks up with a jerk. 

"Do you have a problem?" says the man Dean had been watching braid his kid's hair. 

"No?" Dean says back, he's about to get defensive when he puts the pieces together. "Oh no, not… um, was trying to figure out how you get her hair like that. Got a daughter myself and um—"

"Perhaps staring at us on a train isn't the way to learn." His eyes narrow and his voice is quiet and calm. It both scares and sends a thrill through Dean. 

"Sorry. I'm practising but I just don't got the—" he cuts himself off twisting his hands uselessly in the vague motions of hair braiding. 

The doors ping and slide open. 

"Come on, this is our stop," he says to the girl behind him. She's about Emma's age, Dean notices and as he turns, he notices just how neat her braids are. 

The man and his daughter disappear and Dean sits quietly feeling a little uneasy. His day is busy, taking his mind off things, but as soon as he's back on the train home, he feels odd again. 

Picking up Emma from school doesn't make him feel any better when she bounds up to him with high pigtails in her hair. She talks and talks about her school day and Dean makes all the right noises and feels guilty about not really listening. 

She's going through a colouring phase at the moment so Dean joins in, dragging one of Emma's pencils over and sketching out a basic scene. Dean would be lying to himself if the inspiration was based on something other than his travel to work that morning. 

There's a rough outline of a man waving out of a train window and Dean starts to shade in the dark hair before his hand starts to cramp from lack of practice. 

***

Dean's almost afraid to get on the train the next morning but he does because he can't be late and there's no way he's taking his baby all the way into the city. 

He sits on his phone and ignores his surroundings as best he can. The carriage is relatively empty all up until someone sits down next to him. He mentally grumbles about how there are plenty of seats in here, and that it wasn't necessary to sit right next to him. 

He looks up briefly after a moment and finds the man from yesterday looking at him. 

"I hope you don't mind," he says and gestures generally to his seated position. 

Dean struggles for words for a moment before shrugging. "Go ahead." 

"I'm Castiel, by the way. I thought you might want a close up tutorial." 

Dean's heart beats fast for a few moments before settling and feeling grateful for him. 

"Please," Dean says. 

Castiel pulls a comb from his pocket and ushers his daughter to stand in front of him. 

"I'm Dean. Emma, my daughter, just started to want her hair up for school but I'm bad at it. Her teacher redoes it nearly every day. Feels like I just…" 

"It's okay, Dean." Castiel lays a gentle hand on Dean's arm, stopping him from running his mouth in desperation to this poor stranger. "We all have things we're not good at."

"Daddy's not good at cooking." 

"Claire…" Castiel says with exasperation. 

Dean can't help but laugh a little. It's broken the tension a bit. 

"Well that's something I've always been good at," Dean tells them, he doesn't mean to brag, but Lydia used to call him King of the Kitchen so he's kept that title for himself. “Maybe we can trade skills? I can give you one of my fool proof recipes tomorrow, if you like?” 

He hopes he’s not being too forward, but he mostly wants to make up for coming across as creepy the day before. 

But Castiel only brightens a little, a smile forming on his face. “I’d love that.” 

***

Dean learns eagerly from Castiel and finds his braiding better with practice. Even Emma is impressed, though she only shows it with a critical eye in the mirror and no complaint once he’s done. She’s certainly Lydia’s, that’s for sure. 

Castiel, in turn, regales about his new adventures in cooking and though he doesn’t see much of Claire on the train he does hear from Castiel that she thinks their dinners are more exciting. 

Getting the train to work becomes something for Dean to look forward to, this new blooming friendship between himself and another single dad makes things feel easier and that he’s not alone in his struggles. He does wonder at what point he should ask for Castiel’s number… for a maybe playdate for Claire and Emma, but Castiel gets there before Dean managed to fret over it for several days. 

It’s as easy as Castiel asking him, so Dean’s not sure why he built it up in his head that it’s a big deal. They see and talk to each other on the train every day so it’s normal for them to exchange numbers as friends. 

Castiel, it turns out, is an avid texter and emoji user and it makes Dean feel like a dinosaur needing to translate the messages. Even Emma does a better job than him at working out what Castiel is telling him. 

He’s standing outside of Emma’s school at let-out time when he gets another text from Castiel. 

Castiel | 2:48pm | ☕? 

Dean’s not that stupid to not figure out that Castiel is asking him for coffee, but he’s overrun with ideas for what kind of coffee he might be asking for. Just a catch-up, maybe just a way to add to their friendship since they’ve not met outside of their train journeys, what if Castiel is asking him on a date? It would be weird to think it wasn’t a date and turn up to find out that it is. 

“Hi daddy! I made a new friend today!” 

Dean almost has the breath knocked from his lungs at the way Emma launches herself at him. “That’s great, Emma.” 

Emma turns to point out her new friend through the crowd of parents and Dean recognises her as Claire. He frowns for a moment and scourers the crowd for dark hair, eyes landing on Castiel a few moments later as their eyes catch one another. 

It’s hard to keep the smile off his face and he waves to Castiel. He forgets the — maybe-date — text that he’s just received and only remembers about it when Castiel joins them. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Hey, Cas. Didn’t know Claire went to this school too.”

“Today’s her first day, I was homeschooling before we moved but ever since I picked up my job in the city, we decided Claire should go to the actual school. Claire’s been excited to start and seems to have found a good friend.”

“Yeah, Emma’s a great kid,” Dean tells him and then finds Emma grinning up at him. “It was great seeing you, Cas. I guess I’ll see you Monday on the train?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Castiel smiles. 

“See ya, Cas. Bye Claire.” Dean turns to leave, giving both of them a quick wave as Emma does the same. 

He’s about three steps away when he hears Castiel’s voice again. “Wait, Dean,” he says.

Dean turns with Emma hanging off his arm and finds Castiel looking a bit sheepish.

“So, um… did you want to go for coffee?”

Dean decides he’s going to play dumb, and not assume it’s a date even though Castiel’s hesitancy seems to suggest that it could be. “Sounds great, I’ve got a pretty quiet weekend coming up if that suits you.” 

“Is it… um.” Dean smiles at Castiel’s apprehensiveness. This is nothing like the man who told him off that first time in the train carriage, but ever since that moment he’s been fond of the softness that Castiel has. “Can it be a date?” 

“I’d really like that,” Dean replies and he can see the worry drop out of Castiel. “We’ll text about it, maybe call each other. See you soon, Cas!” 

With that, Dean walks away with an extra special friend, a date to be decided and a happiness inside him that he hasn’t felt in a long time.

[folditdouble]

Women in Film Challenge 2023: [16/52] The Kindergarten Teacher, dir. Sara Colangelo (USA, 2018)

Don’t overthink it. They need things simple at this age.

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

#Long post... Diary entry:

At the beginning of May, I went to a presentation at my old high school. A place I haven't stepped foot into since graduation... It was a whirlwind of emotions.

It was an art night, featuring works made by all the grades in town from multiple schools, from kindergarten to high school seniors. My 6-year-old nephew's little ceramics project was part of the show...

I met up with some family, and also hoped to see some faculty from way back when. I had seen some teachers of mine out in the wild every now and then, especially at my movie theater job, but there were some teachers who I haven't seen since 2010. Before, even. Despite all my bad memories of high school, rarely any of them were with the teachers, as such... I would love to see some of them again, and they get to see a much older, better me.

And I did... With one...

I've been making art since I was a kid. Like, when I was really little. Sitting with my paternal grandpa at a workbench of-sorts against a '70s-style wood paneled wall, circa 1995... Drawing trains and all sorts of things, with details and everything. Formative stuff. I draw a lot.

But for a while, I don't think I had any real artistic skills. At least, if I had any, I didn't build on them. Middle school art classes mostly didn't do it for me, I didn't want to do things the "traditional" way. When I had an idea, whether it was for a story or a comic or whatever came to mind, I just wanted to put it on paper. Middle school was a whirlwind time that really chewed me up and spat me out, a place not fit for the particular kind of autistic that I am. And that's not even getting into the confusion over my sexuality, something I really put a lid on for so long. (For context, I barely came out in 2022, months before I turned 30.)

I staggered into freshman year, still holding on despite a few emotional setbacks... And then one day, in a "computer animation" class that was otherwise pretty cool, I was told by another student that I wasn't a good drawer...

Still, freshmen year ended where I was still creating, still drawing, still somewhat hanging on despite a nasty lingering demon of self-hatred that was festering within me month by month. And I think it fully took hold by November 2007. Yes, I memorize months/years when these things happen. My file cabinet brain just does that for some reason.

And this was when I was in a drawing/painting class. I thought my instructor was pretty cool, but I was not where I needed to be, mentally. She wouldn't have known, I was collapsing in real time and I sometimes foolishly showed signs of it. I remember nonchalantly answering a sort-of "what does this art piece mean to you" question on a sheet of paper with "I am a jerk". She was rather taken aback... and within weeks, I just straight-up dropped out of the class. It was a combination of me thinking I was an irredeemable bastard, that I couldn't actually draw, and me still refusing to learn the traditional way so I could in turn establish myself...

One of the biggest mistakes I made in life. I went through most of high school, letting stuff just pass me by. Things I should've gotten involved with, but I was embroiled in self-hatred and later fear of falling back into it... Going about a lot of things so timidly... I had seen this teacher a few times thereafter, up until my senior year. Our encounters were friendly, but that was about it. I don't recall if she ever said "you should've stayed in my class"...

Nearly 11 years later, I got a cum-laude degree in art... That was in June 2018. At age 25 1/2...

And yet at the age of 31 1/2, I feel like I'm still learning things that a lot of very talented artists out there were already learning at - like - age 10. I guess it's all in due time, eh?

So I hear about this art show that my nephew's project is featured in, and it's at the high school I attended... I figured, it'll give me something to do and maybe, just maybe I could bump into somebody I haven't seen since 2010. Maybe meeting someone from the past, be it a classmate (even one that might've disliked me) or a teacher, was a possibility. We're adults now, so, maybe the interaction would be waaaay different...

I got there... Walking through the doors, again, first time in about 14 years... It was a deeply surreal feeling that I just can't describe as I'm writing this... I went down one of the hallways, recognizing it to be the art/studio wing of the building...

There she was... I walked up to her, and after telling her I had her as a teacher... She recognized me. Even though I do NOT at all resemble what I looked like in 2007, or even 2010. I'm an amab enby, my hair is very long, I shave my facial hair, and look way diffferent... Anyways, she recognized me, remembered my name, and we had a lovely chat.

I told her why, after 14 years of processing trauma and bad feelings, I dropped out of her class. She completely understood, and was very happy to hear that I later went on to get an art degree. We talked about a few other things, and overall it was just... Thrilling for me. It was a sense of closure I never knew I was going to get in my life. I hadn't known if she still taught there or not...

And to make the night even better, I bumped into my elementary school art teacher... First time seeing her in person since 2003, and she was thrilled to see me.

It all felt so good, a bright spot in a very up-and-down year. The weird thing is, the future I so feared at age 15 is happening to me now in some way: I'm out as queer, still hiding it from people I know for fear of rejection, I'm trying to live on my own, things keep going wrong, and yet... I'm getting through each day, I'm creating, I'm at least working/making some money, I drive. I'm weathering this all better than 2007/08-era me would've ever guessed...

But, that was a great night, I will cherish it...

[transboysokka]

If you don't mind sharing, how do you find it being a trans gay 外國人 in Taiwan, both romantically & in terms of employment? Did you transition before you moved, or while living here (with 健保)？

Sure, yeah. I had a post in my queue going into that a little bit, so I just posted that but I can elaborate.

Being gay in Taiwan: 10/10, would definitely recommend

Society here is overall super accepting, like even my kindergarten students are like "One day, maybe I will have a husband or a wife!" I have never experienced any overt homophobia EXCEPT once from American tourists. You'll still run into issues here and there, like one time my friend had a landlord refuse to rent to her and her wife, and some kindergartens don't want to hire gay men because they think they're predators etc etc, but that's really few and far between.

Being trans in Taiwan is... an Experience

Not a BAD experience, just... an Experience

I first transitioned socially like 8? years ago when I was still living in the US. I DIDN'T start HRT or get surgery there because I didn't have access to it.

I knew in 2018 when I decided to move to Asia (I was in China first for a year and OOF) I would be probably delaying my transition further, but that was worth it to me at the time.

It's fine a lot of the time because I pass Enough but it's still annoying

I have had two jobs denied to me on account of being trans and that I would "confuse the kids" (which is actually bullshit, I have never had a student have a problem with it, and a teacher could tell a kid they are a mermaid like Ariel and they would believe it) but overall I'm luckily because I have the privilege of being a white licensed teacher and schools here just eat that up.

ANYWAY, I haven't had a lot of problems in Taiwan BEING trans. The problem I ran into is that even in the gay community here, there is a huge lack of exposure and conversation about trans people- compared to where I'm from. That is slowly improving, especially in the last couple years, but it really sucks for things like dating.

So my problem here right now is that even though I am legally male on my ARC and IC cards, I still don't know how to get HRT because of my unique situation

I live in Hsinchu, so there's really no community around here to help me like there is in places like Taipei

LUCKILY! I am going to schedule a top surgery consultation soon because I'm getting a new job that will hopefully finally give me less problems about taking time off for it- but that's not covered by NHI and I'm paying for my Master's rn so that will be tough too

Anyway if anyone has any idea how I can get started on HRT in Taiwan, PLEASE hit me up

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Melissa Koenig

Published: Apr 3, 2024

Seattle Public Schools is dismantling its gifted and talented program, which administrators argued was oversaturated with white and Asian students, in favor of a more “inclusive, equitable and culturally sensitive” program.

The district began phasing out its Highly Capable Cohort schools and classrooms for advanced students in the 2021-22 school year due to racial inequities, the school district notes.

The program will completely cease to exist by the 2027-28 school year, with a new enrichment-for-all model available in every school by the 2024-25 school year.

“The program is not going away, it’s getting better,” school officials said on the district website.

“It will be more inclusive, equitable and culturally sensitive.

“In particular, students who have been historically excluded will now have the same opportunities for services as every other student and get the support and enrichment they need to grow

The enrichment program currently only allows students who placed in the top 2 percent on standardized exams to be placed in the Highly Capable Cohort to receive enriched learning.

The students would then be sorted into one of three elementary schools, five middle schools and three high schools.

But in 2020, the Seattle school board voted to terminate the program, after a 2018 survey found that the students in the Highly Capable Cohort were 13% multiracial, 11.8% Asian, 3.7% Hispanic and just 1.6% black.

Nearly 70% of the students were white.

“Numbers would suggest that within our city … predominantly white children are more gifted than other cultures and races, and we know that is absolutely not true,” Kari Hanson, the district’s director of student support services, told Parent Map at the time.

Under the new program, dubbed the Highly Capable Neighborhood School Model, teachers will be required to come up with individualized learning programs for all 20 to 30 of their students — a task for which, they argue, they do not have the time or resources as the district faces a $104 million budget deficit, according to the Seattle Times.

The district said it is working to provide teachers with curriculum and instruction on how to make it work, but an estimate from 2020 suggested an enrichment-for-all program would cost the district $1.1 million over the first three years.

One teacher said she worries it will become more difficult under the new program to teach math to students with a range of abilities, and that the whole-classroom approach won’t properly prepare students for Advanced Placement math and science courses.

Parents also expressed their concerns that the new model could lead to children getting overlooked.

“It seems to me that kids on maybe both extremes are going to be underserved,” Erika Ruberry told the Seattle Times.

Karen Stukovsky, who has three children in the gifted program, added that each teacher “can only do so much differentiation.

“You have some kids who can barely read and some kids who are reading ‘Harry Potter’ in the first grade or kindergarten,” she said.

“How are you going to not only get those kids up to grade level, and also challenge those kids who are already easy above grade level?”

Some parents of black students in the program even argued against ending it.

“My request is that you please consider the disservice you would be doing to the minorities that are already in the HCC program,” one father said at the school board meeting to approve the new program in 2020, according to the Stranger.

“The program does more for black children, particularly black boys, than it does for their peers.”

But then-school board vice president Chandra Hampson shot back: “This is a pretty masterful job at tokenizing a really small community of color within the existing cohort.”

Over the past few years, though, more and more minority students have joined the ranks of the Highly Capable Cohort.

In the 2022-23 school year, 52% of the students were white, 16% were Asian and 3.4% were black, according to the Seattle Times.

==

“inclusive, equitable and culturally sensitive”

Translation: underperforming students of all races will be told they're just as good and as special as the high-performing students.

The entire concept of "inclusion" is idiotic. It originated as making sure that students had access to the education they were entitled to, such as making sure kids in wheelchairs had access to the school's facilities.

But it's morphed into the notion that there's unfairness or even bigotry if average or under-performing kids aren't included in an advanced or gifted program. That there's something wrong because everybody doesn't have the same result. But the idea that everyone is entitled to be "included" in everything is completely insane. Instead of having a separate program to uplift the mediocre students, the programs for the high-performers are scuttled and they're brought down to the lowest common denominator. This is what "equity" does.

DEI is just smug racism.

[touchlikethesun]

15 questions 15 tags

thanks for the tag @cornishpixiez ! soz this is late

nickname: gwen, but that's kinda just my name... don't really have nicknames

height: 167 (5'6")

last thing i googled: acai pronunciation, i refuse to believe that's how it's pronounced

song stuck in head: breezeblocks by alt-j

amount of sleep: hahahaha yeah less than 6 hours but i really need more

dream job: owner of a cafe-bookshop - partly for the aesthetics mostly because i love books and public facing jobs

wearing: xmas pjs

movie/book that summarizes you: i can't say it here it'll get me cancelled (catcher in the rye)

fav song: the list is infinitely long, it depends on my mood, typically an mcr song

aesthetic: frazzled dark academia kindergarten teacher

fav authors: male manipulator authors, they're a vibe tbqh

random fact: as of 2018, there were 18 known languages with only one speaker

[hopelesslyinlovegirl]

I like computers more than people

It´s 2010. I´m five years old, in kindergarten. I just lied to my teacher that last class i painted in the classroom, so this time I had to go to quiet games.

Quiet games was my favorite place back then. There weren´t many kids (just another boy that i haven´t seen in at least 10 years) and the games were just relaxing and peaceful. We would play domino together, and then go each their way for the afternoon meal.

My other friends of kindergarten liked going to the house place. It was crowded and honestly didn´t particularly enjoyed it. I always felt apart, for some reason.

It´s 2015. My parents got called in school because I didn´t socialise much. Quiet games now was the school library. I would spend my recess there, reading my silly little kid books, ignoring everything else. Reading was something I had really grown fond of.

The other girls in my class didn´t like reading that much. They liked going out for afternoon tea or for some pizza in someone´s house. I had always wanted that, but I wasn´t invited. So I kept it in the back of my mind and pretended I didn´t care. I knew people talked behind my back. And I knew that, likely, in their reunions they wouldn´t say exactly nice things about me. I had my books, that´s all i needed.

It´s 2018. I have a few new friends, I get invited to do things from time to time. But something weird happens, that will be repeated even to this day and that kills me inside. They would suddenly act different. They don´t seem to be my friends or seem to like me.

And I do not understand. Yesterday, everything was fine. Now, they don´t talk to me. Did I do something wrong? I travel inside of my mind, looking for something that could have offended them in order for this to happen.

I can´t find anything.

It´s 2021. Until now, it has been the best year of my life. But there is something that saddened me back then. I had seen the girls in my class talking, watching me and laughting then. I remember thinking that, maybe if I was the one in their place, I would have laughed too.

And that´s when it hit me. I wasn´t part of a niche group of friends who would hang out all the time, get out partying, have a groupchat, have internal jokes. I was just kinda... there. It saddened me realizing that i´m not the first choice of anybody. But maybe I deserve it. If all my tries to get closer to other people always ended up in me feeling insecure because i "noticed them different" it´s not their fault.

I am the problem. I am the one who, when feeling that they don´t like me anymore, isolates. I am the one who didn´t invite, because i didn´t feel invited.

If i hadn´t been so in my head, so insecure, would things be different now? Would I have been successful in my first day of uni making friends?

Because even now, march 2023 it´s all happening again. I feel like my residence friends don´t like me. That they laugh about me, when i´m not there. That they kinda ignore me. i hate feeling like this.

There are very few people who make me feel like I belong when I´m with them. One is probably reading this, right here.

But that´s the main problem. I feel i don´t belong almost everywhere, in almost every situation that is presented to me. I don´t have friends in uni. I feel like I don´t have friends now in my residence, who i have talked to. Maybe i´m being dramatic, and this is all a product of all the mental load from past human relationships that hurt me that make me overthink. But maybe i´m right.

Maybe that´s why I chose my major. Every time that I say it, I say the same joke: "i like computers more than people"

But i think now that is not so much of a joke.

[flight-freedom]

Been thinking a lot about this economic study by Raj Chetty.

Zipcode Destiny: The Persistent Power Of Place And Education https://www.npr.org/2018/11/12/666993130/zipcode-destiny-the-persistent-power-of-place-and-education The stories we tell about ourselves — stories of success and stories of failure — often have their beginnings in the distant past. Sometimes, they start in our childhoods. Sometimes, before we were even born. This idea may sound poetic, but when it comes to economic mobility, there's evidence to back it up. Raj Chetty, an economist at Harvard, is responsible for some of the most powerful evidence, drawing on data from many millions of Americans. Raj has found that early variables in your life, from the quality of your kindergarten teacher to the neighborhood you grew up in, can have lasting effects. And those effects often result in dramatically divergent outcomes in different parts of the country.

[msareviews]

Review - Crunch the Shy Dinosaur by Cirocco Dunlap, illustrated by Greg Pizzoli

In this adorable children’s book, Dunlap and Pizzoli introduce readers to a very shy dinosaur named Crunch, and teach us the best ways to interact with him. We learn how to regulate our volume and tone so we don’t startle him, his favorite songs that will bring Crunch out of his shell (or, rather, his tree), and when it is best to give Crunch a little space and let him come to us in his own time. This book is a Texas 2x2 selection from 2019, with a suggested audience of Pre-K to Kindergarten readers (NoveList, n.d.). I chose this book on a recommendation from the head of Youth Services at the library I work at. It’s a wonderful selection for Storytimes, offering interactive elements and a theme that encourages patience and consideration when making friends with shy people.

Crunch the Shy Dinosaur aims to teach children how to best engage with shy people. Interactive storytelling gives children experience in regulating their volume and tone. In one instance, the readers are instructed to sing the Happy Birthday song to lure Crunch from his hiding place, causing Crunch to put on his best hat and dance. These punchlines are not only funny but show children that having patience and being considerate of shy people’s feelings is worth it - making friends with shy people can reveal their vibrant personalities.

The language and tone of Crunch enhances the theme, as it evokes the voice of a parent or teacher speaking to a child. The interactive instructions are phrased as suggestions as opposed to commands, and the language is positive and gentle. Children are guided through these interactions, giving them a sense of agency. The guided interaction also creates an engaging experience for young children, allowing them the opportunity to actively participate in the story. It’s a book perfectly built for Storytime.

The illustrations in the book are simple and pleasant. The textured outlines and color selection create a vibrant and silly tone that compliments the gentle voice of the text to keep the book fun and light. Crunch’s design is simple, but his bold red causes him to pop off the page and even hints at his silly and fun personality once he becomes comfortable with the reader. Illustrations are also used to enhance the humor of the book. In one section, the reader is encouraged to use a soft voice to avoid startling Crunch, only to turn the page to find a huge drawing of him, indicating that they were too quiet, causing crunch to get “uncomfortably close” to hear them. These illustrations bring to life this shy, silly dinosaur, showing us all of Crunch’s lovable quirks.

Crunch the Shy Dinosaur is tailor-made for Storytime and would be perfect for events focused on making friends or in a classroom setting where children may need to gain understanding of how to embrace their shy peers. The book’s merit goes beyond its theme, however. The language and illustrations come together to create an engaging experience for readers that will entertain and educate. And, of course, the book is simply adorable so adults will have just as much fun reading as kids will have listening.

Dunlap, C. (2018). Crunch the shy dinosaur. (G. Pizzoli, Illus.). Random House Studio.

NoveList. (n.d.). Crunch, the shy dinosaur. https://web.p.ebscohost.com/novp/detail?vid=5&sid=7b22a9a6-283e-4048-b030-d10c847a45c5%40redis&bdata=JnNpdGU9bm92cC1saXZl#AN=10658137&db=neh.