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kabuki-draws · 10 months

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I watched Ridley Scott's NAPOLEON yesterday and it was a complete Waterloo.

Yes, I am a big history nerd with a giant heart for movie adaptation of historical topics. But when I watched NAPOLEON I sat there... and tried not to laugh. It was not only so historical inaccurate, that I wanted to cry, at the same time it was filled with cringe dialogues, red flags and terrible color grading. This whole movie made me so sad yet so angry, that I HAVE to write this review:

(Disclaimer: This review is based on my own opinion. If you enjoyed the movie, it's completely fine. Btw. in that case or if you agree with me, feel free to tell me your opinion. I would love to know!)

First of all: Don't get me wrong, the medium film has its own rules and you can't put as much historical accuracy into a big scale movie as you would into a documentary - sometimes the story needs to be altered to be a good movie. And that is fine. Even if Gladiator is a complete fictional story set in the Roman Empire, I can still enjoy this movie for what it is: A good-written story with great characters, a beautiful score and iconic scenes. With Kingdom of Heaven it's kind of the same - and while the movie cut was very inconsistent, I still kind of liked it. But then the Directors Cut made it a a masterpiece for me.

Funny enough, both of these movies are made by the same person: Ridley Scott. So naturally I thought: Well, Napoleon won't be a historical accurate film, but I surely will enjoy it anyways. Well, ...no. It is not only historical incorrect, it's also a bad movie overall.

To start it short: NAPOLEON clearly lost itself in all the various topics it wanted to tell within a runtime of two and a half hours. It made the whole storytelling very weird and inconsistent, causing the problem, that the audience even loses itself in the questions of when and where. Where is that scene located? When did that happen? And then comes the question: Why is this even happening?

Ridley Scott wants to depict Napoleon as a lover, a military genius, a big political figure, a revolutionary and more. But in the end he tells all of this in the most shallow way possible, which waters down Napoleons personality traits and achievements to a series of small scenes. You never get a glimpse of the "true" Napoleon, who was described as a highly intelligent and charismatic man. In fact, you never really feel ANYTHING about him except that he was a cringe red flag in front of his wife. He just stands there, stares and has very limited dialogue scenes to get a picture of that man. What are his overall motivations? Only Josephine? If so, why is this motivation only vaguely explored?

The whole love story between him and Josephine feels so unnatural and got to the brink of being disgusting. This is particularly sad because I deeply respect Vanessa Kirby and Joaquin Phoenix, they're both stunning actors. I don't know if they just couldn't fit the role or if it was rather a problem of the script (the last one is my guess). Yet whenever I saw Josephine and Napoleon on screen, I felt like acted very stiff and forced. Napoleon seemed more obsessed with her than actual love and that can be a character trait, but there wasn't a chance to explore that deeper. Before the movie entered the cinema, the lovestory between these two was marketed as intense, obsessive, deeper than you could imagine. What the audience got was a few scenes without real conversation, much staring and a bunch of cringeworthy s-scenes. And seriously, these "sexy" scene were the worst. I was so disgusted by them because they were SO DAMN WEIRD. There are no scenes that undermine ANY deep love between Josephine and Napoleon. It felt therefore so off, when they still longed for each other after their divorce.

And let's not start to ramble about the fact that they depicted Josephine ONLY in a somehow sexual way. Yeah, there is that scene where she says to Napoleon, that he is nothing without her. BUT SHOW, DON´T TELL! You never see her doing something instead of sitting there, talking with others or when the plot needs her to have sexy time with someone (not only Napoleon). As a woman myself this makes me so freaking furious, you have no idea. I don't need a marvel-coded super-strong woman with unlimited talents - I just need a female character that is written GOOD and plausible! Make me CARE for her plot and for the plot of Napoleon! Both of them don't even feel like normal human beings because they're like blank pieces of paper with their names written on it!

And don´t make me start to talk about the historical inaccuracies. At first I didn't want to draw that card. Actually, I don't need a historical movie to present 100% facts. If the movie is still enjoyable, it's okey. But even if many people say that the war scenes were awesome, I can only partly agree. Yeah, we have that cool ice-lake Austerlitz battle, but it took me a couple of minutes and a better look on the uniforms to know that Napoleon is now at war with Austria! You get nearly ZERO context to Napoleons battles. Yeah, nice, the scenes look cool - but there is nothing more to it? Is that all you need to show for the audience to care? For me at least, I just didn't care at all and I was very happy when I got out of the cinema. Overall this movie is full of messy non-sense choices that don't contribute to the story. Many moments just confused me and it left me with the question why Scott couldn't simply hire some historians to put together a consistent story. Everyone who read about Napoleons life knows that there are so much cinema worthy moments in his career that would've been so much better than what we now got.

I could ramble about that movie for hours if I´m honest, but I hope this little TED talk was enough to make my statement clear.

In the end, it just makes me sad. I wanted to like this movie, I wanted it to be good. For months I hyped myself up to this, read books about Napoleon, watched the trailer all over and over and talked with friends about how great this movie will be. Now I am just disappointed and frustrated. Oppenheimer was such a great biopic of a historical person that became a great success at the box office - even without great battle scenes. I hoped that Napoleon would push a cinema revolution, that shows people want big scaled films about historical personalities and history topics. But now I just want to forget this Napoleon movie to be honest.

#napoleon #napoleon bonaparte #napoleon movie #ridley scott #joaquin phoenix #vanessa kirby

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shaarlslec · 2 years

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b7 with carlos!! omg please!!

Prompt: All the small things you do - I love them.

thank you so much for your request (carlos intimidates me even in writing btw), sorry that it took this long!! let me know if you like it;;

masterlist

kisses and jazz

short-summary: just like the title says, kisses and jazz with a very fluffy carlos sainz;

words: 2615 & warnings: none, just pure fluff;

The first time when you knew you were both in love with each other was when your chests filled with sparks of bright nimble lights heavily lifted together at the same time in a heavy breath while looking in each other’s eyes understanding that your lips were searching for another pair to fit them since the very first time you met while they stood inches apart.

That happened during one of the nights when everyone else was deeply sleeping around you two. Your friends were drunkenly snoring in random spots around Sainz’s house after countless hours of partying, while you and Carlos were the only ones still standing after tons of drinking, dancing and fooling around. That was your little group of friends’ favorite activities.

The party ended up as they always do, with you and Carlos picking up empty bottles and making a game out of how many and how fast each of you were able to toss them in the trash – it was a ritual at this point. You two were the ones that always did the cleaning after each hang-out no matter in whose house, and that was your little funny excuse of being alone without examining eyes of other people.

“Ten in fifteen seconds.” You proudly announced, chuckling at Carlos who was trying to get one of the bottles from behind the kitchen counter while stumbling on his own tipsy feet.

“I am so going to out-race you.” Carlos declared while his head was spinning as he haphazardly went back to his feet after a good minute trying to grab the green glass’s neck from the tight spot it was stuck in while on his knees and with your eyes peering at the man’s loose shirt hanging around his torso, “Oh, I spoke too fast.” Sainz then tittered, getting his balance back by grabbing the edges of the counter after a loud and heavy sigh that made you worry about his current state, “I think I drank too much to.” Carlos then spoke, with the back of his palm rubbing his forehead trying to hold his brains together at this point.

“You did.” You answered, getting close to him to pick the bottle from his hand, “Eleven, hot-shot.” You winked, throwing the bottle in one of the plastic bags filled with the remains from his twenty-one-birthday party that were recklessly placed on the floor around your feet, “Go to sleep, I can finish the cleaning here – and we can do the rest of the house tomorrow.” You added with a warm smile, patting the man’s shoulder as you titled your head to the right just to watch him better in the dimmed light of the kitchen.

Oh, Carlos was alluring in the darkened white lights. With his hair pushed back, bloody cheeks from all the drinking, eyes sleepily looking down on yours, and eyebrows arched up due to the light headache. You tersely sighed, you could swear to yourself right then and there that you have never seen a man so beautifully handsome standing inches away from you, eating you up whole with just a mere look. You wanted to make him yours, you wanted for those eyes to look at you and only you from now on, you wanted for that ruffled hair to stay ruffled just by your hands in the mornings and late at nights, and for those chuckles of his to become a recurrent sound in your daily routine.

Oh, but was Carlos wishing the same? You wondered once again, you have been wondering that for the last couple of months when he would touch your waist in passing by and every single time when you caught his glare on yours when somebody else besides you two would do the talking within the group and even when there were no words spoken at all, because all that has been happening in between the two of you was done in silence, in comfortable deep silence.

“Happy birthday, cariño.” You muttered then, giving Carlos a short peak on one of his cheeks before sending him to bed, knowing that you were not that brave to straight ask him if he wanted you too – but courageous enough to make a move followed by nothing but a dense fleeting breath that escaped from between your lips, and that Carlos was more than pleased to land on his face.

Right after you kissed him, Carlos’ lips lifted in a grin. Oh, she likes to tease me a little bit too much. Since you were introduced to each other a couple of months ago through your friends’ friend, you two played this dangerous game of wanting to get to know each other as “just friends” when you both knew that the attraction has been there within the first minute when you laid eyes on the other back at the beginning of the year at yet another party. You both knew that, therefore what was the point in pretending that you were not hooked and charmed by the other?

Fear of rejection, maybe. Fear of that going nowhere, possibly. And yet, you had to try – you would have never got the answer to your questions if it was not for him to make the next move.

“Just that?” Carlos inquired, catching your wrists into the grip of his hand, begging you to remain close to him as before, not wanting to let you go back to cleaning when you had an entire horny man right in front of you, gently rubbing one of his thumbs against your skin with such softness as if he never touched other skin before (which he did), but which was nothing alike yours – making his own shiver with just a mere touch of particles.

You took one step further towards him, “You are right.” You whispered in silence anxious about anyone in the house waking up just to find their friends dearly looking into each other’s eyes in the kitchen with their hearts up to their throats, not knowing when the time to make the right move is, “It is your birthday after all, and I have not bought you a gift – how rude of me.” You chuckled, tipping on your toes for your lips to reach the surface of Carlos’ in an instinctive blink of a moment, in a letting go of all the thoughts running into your head and for the first time in forever being unapologetic for your cravings.

Your clash of mouths was short, even shorter than the kiss on the cheek and that only managed to drive Carlos more. Carlos’ eyes softened after the touch, and he felt like his chest was about to burst into flames if he was not to take the next move and wrap his arm around your waist while the one sustaining his body weight on the counter reminded there to make him sure that he was still imbedded into reality – the one in which you just kissed him.

Carlos spoke nothing, and neither were you. You let him guide your hips closer to him while the man leaned from above towards you to get a better hold of your mouth on his, and to get a better taste of your tongue on his own. You have never been kissed like this before, and never has been Carlos so addicted to the taste of somebody else’s before in such a manner. No words were spoken in between the kisses, you were understanding each other only through your heavy breaths when you were able to take gulps of air into your lungs.

Your hand went above Carlos on the counter to maintain your balance too, as you felt your knees weakening with every clash of tongues and snub bites of lips just for the fun of being teases. Carlos took your hand in his, reaching his chest then with your clasped hands so you could feel the man beating heart with the tips of your fingers intertwined with his. It was not a drill, Carlos was not kissing you just for the fun of making out with someone after his birthday party while he was drunk and entertained, the man wanted to be yours too.

You smiled into the kiss, placing your palm on his chest as he let go of your hand so he can sustain your body up on the counter and find his place in between your legs, with now both hands on your back.

You departed after what seemed an entirety to look into each other’s eyes and giggle like two teenagers having their first kiss in the school’s hallway. Back at twenty and twenty-one you were not that far from being high-schoolers, and yet none of you could have guessed back then that the feeling will remain the same when kissing after long periods of time of not seeing each other – neither of you could have predicted that kiss was the beginning of a love like yours.

“That was fun.” You muttered with a silly smile spread all over your face as your arms found their snug place to fit on Carlos’ shoulders, “We should do that again, sometime.” You giggled back, lightly starching the back of the man’s neck, tips of your fingers reaching for the man’s hair as well.

Carlos laughed back, “We can do that as much as you want, whenever and wherever you want to.” He then replied, knowing damn well that the idea was suiting for him too.

Sainz kept his promise, and you did that within the many following days and months, without anyone else in the group knowing about your little escapades. You kept it private for a long time, although the pressure to keep it into each other’s pants when other people where around you two was high. You needed to figure out what everything going in between the two of you was first, and then to declare your undying love to each other in public. Then, came in the countless conversations on topics never discussed between “just friends”, only lovers that try to find each other – and that was when you knew that things were getting serious, and you were not going to hide your relationship from anyone anymore.

None of your friends were really surprised when you outed your relationship, all the sneaking around and the “clean-up” after parties made everything obvious. You laughed about your many fails of not-making-it-obvious for your friends, but none of them were buying the whole “friends” thing right from the start. You and Carlos were never meant to be just friends, love like yours was never meant for just a mere friendship but for something that exceeded that.

Love like this comes fast, and it never dries out when the jokes burst into laughter and curled stomachs in the mornings of the same kitchen you had your first kiss in years ago now while listening to old jazz tunes as you were making breakfast for your boyfriend who has just returned home after another excruciating season in a McLaren (his last, at least).

“I never really liked jazz until I met you.” Carlos confessed to you all the sudden, turning the pancake into the pan quickly giving you one glance over his shoulder as you were placing all the other food on the table.

“You what?” You immediately busted into laughter as you heard his thick Spanish accent on jazz, you have never heard someone else pronouncing the world jazz in such a sweet and cute method.

“I never really liked jazz.” Sainz repeated, and you could feel your heart melt once again at the word, “What?” Carlos confusingly chuckled as you were already holding your stomach with one of your hands.

You shook your head, “Nothing, cariño.” You assured him with a huge smile on your face as you went to hug him from behind, “I just think that you are the cutest human in existence, just that.” You confessed, tightening your arms around his torso as you pressed a long kiss on one of his shoulders, “Look at me, being head over heels over a man who pronounces jazz instead of jazz.” You chuckled once again, as you tried to mimic even the slightest Carlos’ accent but failing miserably at doing so – no one managed to make it sound as adorable as Carlos succeeded.

“I am indeed cute, that is the truth.” Carlos accentuated as he took the pancake out of the pan just to turn around and hold you properly into his arms, “Send me this song that is playing.” He then asked, giving you a short peak on your forehead before going to place the pancakes on the table.

You lifted an eyebrow, Carlos was indeed not a huge fan of jazz and yet, the man listened to your playlist every other morning while you two cooked breakfasts just to please you. As a bonus for him, Carlos adored to watch you slightly cutely waving your body and bumping your head on the known tunes while your mouth muttered the lyrics in a tone even sweeter than the singers’ themselves.

“Why?” You inquired as you took your usual seat next to him with your legs up on his knees while Carlos’ palm covered one of your thighs – your usual favorite position for months now to eat at the table, “You like jazz now?” You joked, taking a bite of the food in your plate.

Carlos nodded, “It grew on me.” He then replied, and you were more than happy to have such an effect on him.

You send him the song after you two ate, and hours later you heard the man’s phone ringing in the same tune. You giggled as he talked with one of the people of his new team; Carlos set the phone’s ringtone that he had never changed since the day he got his phone to one of your favorite songs.

When your boyfriend hanged the phone, you went to snug into his arms on the coach and kissed every single inch of his face, making him all giggly and at the same time confused. You kissed the man’s chin, nose, lips, cheeks and forehead multiple times, and Carlos enjoyed the show very much so. The man returned the favour with hasty pressed kisses on your neck and shoulders, sneaking his head underneath your baggy t-shirt as well to kiss your breasts and collarbones from within in.

“What was that for?” He then asked, eyes now fully fixing yours.

“All the small things you do – I love them.” You simply answered, giving him one short peak like the one back in the kitchen years ago, “The song.” You explained, seeing the confused face of a very please Carlos from underneath the fabric of your shirt, “I love you.” You spoke, hands getting Carlos’ insubordinate strings of hair out from his dovely eyes looking lovely at you.

“I love you too, cariño.” Sainz replied, hands going from your waist up to get the t-shirt both out from you and from him as well, “I still think that there are better music genres rather than jazz, however.” Carlos then commented, making you laugh out loud once again.

“We can work on that.” You nodded, hands cupping the man’s face now that the t-shirt was not in the way anymore, covering the man’s mouth with yours for the tenth time that afternoon. Carlos went back into the couch with you on top of him almost naked, feeling the taste of your lips engulfing his and thinking about how there will never come a time when he will get sick of that sweetness of yours.

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kimberly-spirits13 · 3 months

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I Ruined My Summer Vacation

Okay so I ruined my summer with a camp counseling job and I am on the verge of quitting. It's my first week in and it has been a shit show. This is a school that I moved out of because of the problems it has but one of my good friends works there and was talking about how awesome the summer camp was. She told me that it was run by some great people (that I am kind of friends with) and that any problems get taken care of really quickly. It pays $500 a week (net income). So I started yesterday (two weeks late since I was busy and they said it was fine) and within two days this has happened

I got punched by a kid

A kid tried to fight me

a kid climbed onto the library shelves and tore the books down five minutes before carpool

a kid started biting the others and drew blood

a kid stomped on a lizard (and killed it) because another kid was looking at to be funny

a kid has thrown a cussing tantrum in front of other kids because he couldn't climb the tables

a kid broke a table

a kid elbowed another kid in the eye

one kid has gotten sent to the "head counselor's office" 20 times in two weeks and has not gotten in any other trouble

the same kid tried to snap in half another kid's elbow across his knees today (we got in trouble for pulling them apart since we can't touch the kids)

The boys have started slapping the girl's butts to be funny

I listened to a 6 hour long first grader rendition of Ice Spice

The first and second graders play COD and Fortnight with grown men online

We found out that the kids cannot play on the playground because their parents have sat them in front of screens their entire lives and they literally don't know what to do

I got to break up a beat down because one kid took a kid's puzzle box lid and the other took the one kid's baseball cap

the kids have started launching themselves off of the library risers (it's about 8 feet off the ground)

the kids have started dragging other kids up the risers and throwing them off

the kids have thrown things at the SmartBoards when they're angry (they're $8,000 boards btw)

Kids run away and hid from counselors and purposefully get lost so that we get in trouble

the kids are bullying each other and verbalizing that they are "targeting *insert a kid name"

The kids are illiterate

The 3rd and 4th graders struggle with basic multiplication and division (4x1 & 38/2 were the big ones today)

parents are signing up some of the kids for 8am-12pm camps and are not coming to pick up their kids after the paid for camps so we are looking after these kids without further pay because their parents are dropping them off like we're some sort of unpaid babysitter club

kids will make eye contact with you, call your name, and then do something you told them not to do, only to bunker down and not stop once you tell them not to

these same kids will wrap themselves around table or whatever they can find and say. "You can't do anything, you can't touch me!"

The HEAD STAFF has come in and asked to speak with camp counselors that aren't working this week and then ask where the camp coordinators are and we're like "uhhhh in their office?"

The head staff has yet to inform us of the kid's allergies so last week we almost had to send a kid to the ER because he got bit by an ant and no one bothered to say that he needed an EPIPEN and another kid ran away crying because a junior counselor pulled out a PB&J in front of him and he thought the junior counselor was trying to kill him (apparently he's got the airborne severity of peanut butter allergy but that wasn't in his charts or mentioned to us)

kids have started throwing soccer and tennis balls at each other when they're mad

a kid made a noose out of crafting items and tried to hang the others with it

a boy shoved a straw into another little boy's privates

a kid tried to hide puzzle pieces from his camp mates by shoving them down his pants because there was nothing we could do about it

one of the camp counselors who is a college football player broke down crying in the break room because he cannot get the kids to listen

another girl has cried a few times in one day because she cannot discipline the kids and they are telling her that their parents will sue her if she's mean to them

we tried to get in contact with one of the kid's parents only to find out that they have jet set across the world the Europe and will be out of country for the entire summer so the kids are staying at their very old grandparent's house and cannot be further disciplined

parents literally drop their kids off so that they don't have to deal with them and will not answer their phones if something happens and are always late to pick their kids up, hardly make the payment cut, and their kids behave as such

This is only day two. I've had some people tell me to stick with it since it's so early, and some say that it's obviously not going to get any better. I talked to one of my friends who has been working here for five years and he said it's the most well behaved group he's ever worked with. I hate this job, I hate that I'm waisting my summer. I may just give it the rest of this week and one more week and then I'm out. These are 6-12 year olds in a college prep private school and they are acting like rabid animals the entire day. It's not all of them, but it's enough that most of the counselors have talked about quitting. One of the lead counselors won't even be in the entire time since she's about to have a baby so it will get even worse. I cannot iterate how much I hate this job, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and I am homeschooling my kids after this. I hope I get COVID so that I can miss the next few weeks.

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waitingonher · 3 months

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hello emmy! congratulations for the 800 followers :)

i'm not pretty much good with this type of stuff but i'll try my best. english is not my first language so i apologize for any weird spellings. thanks for the opportunity so far!

and my emoji can be this one 🧃 btw

tlok !

women only please 🙌 i'm a lesbian

for starters my mbti is istj — i'm kinda of an introvert, moreover of a logical side person, can be quiet and a little too serious about everything (or call it slow if you'd like too lmao). usually i'm in my own world, listening to music or watching some movie since i'm very much passionate about both. i have a tomboyish look (?) and like to see myself as someone responsible and independent as well since i'm a older sister of two. i can come off as rude sometimes, not very much of a softie, making me also not a huge fan of physical affection. i am a little nerd about things i love and can go for hours when something of my enjoyment is mentioned. for physical aspects i'm 5'3, have very short brownish hair and for the eyes the same color but more caramel-like. i use glasses, absolutely despise bugs and i prefer savory than sweet food. i don't know how to deal much with people who are the opposite of me, whose more sensitive and emotional, but that's something i'm working hard on!

in order it would be: quality time, giving/receiving gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and for the last one physical touch.

listening to music probably is my top one! but i also do enjoy a good walk in nature, taking a nap or watching a long movie (i might be a cinephile... i guess...) my favorite season is autumn, probably because i like the merge of cold and sunny weather together. i adore photography and really plan working with it someday! and if it doesn't work out i would like to become a first grade teacher since i'm somewhat good with kids.

probably something very cliché omg woah. however i would go with anything to be honest, a cinema date or a walk on the park, anything casual and not too extravagant.

definitely someone emotionally mature who would understand about me not being very much affectionate and respecting that side of my personality as well— perhaps someone who's the same as me— or the total opposite to measure with my less sensitive side... i kinda like the idea of 'opposites that attract each other' and/or 'being in the same side of the coin' to have a well good balance relationship. but yeah appearance doesn't matter if the person loves me for who i am.

i'm not a minor, my pronouns are she/her, besides being a lesbian i'm also demiaroace and if i was in the atla/tlok universe i would be a earthbender for sure. that's all for now, ty again!

your matchup is . . . asami sato!!

as cliché as it is, you and asami are definitely "opposites attract" personified!

asami does seem to be more into physical touch, but after learning about your reluctance to it, she'd completely respect it and channel her love for you in other ways!

for example, she'd help around your shared apartment doing the household chores that aren't particularly your favorite. or you'd come home one day to find a little trinket that she knew you'd like sitting on your desk, wrapped in a cute bow that just so happens to be your favorite color!

using her connections, asami would help you with your passion for photography! whether it be buying you the hottest camera on the market or even putting in a good word for you to her friends/colleagues that work within the industry, she wants to see you go far.

it doesn't matter how long it takes, but asami would sit there with her full attention on you while you ramble to her about your interests! even if asami herself isn't completely in love with it as you are, she'd sit there patiently listening, as if it were the most important thing in the world. because anything that's important to you is equally as important to her <3

throughout your relationship you and asami have found a song that represents the love you have for each other, therefore it's become "your song."

sometimes when the song comes on the radio, you two will pause whatever you're doing to serenade each other! LOL yes, it's cheesy but what can you say, you're in love!

asami very much appreciates your more introverted nature! knowing that basically all of your other friends are extroverts (bolin and korra specifically), she loves coming home to some actual peace and quiet. in her head, asami compares them to those tiny dogs that are always barking while you're a calm little cat LOL.

yeah, you and asami and perfect for each other. send tweet.

. . .

author's note: omg nonnie no need to apologize! your english was perfect :)) enjoy!

#emmy's 800 event!#the legend of korra #asami sato #the legend of korra matchup #asami sato x reader #the legend of korra x reader

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randum-famdoms · 4 months

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I’ve spent the last several hours overthinking SCP-3935 far too much after watching the video on it from The Volgun on YouTube (highly recommend that channel btw) so now I’m going to leave my mad ramblings here. Warning: long post below the cut. Also none of this will make sense if you haven’t read the relevant scp file and/or watched a summary video about it.

I believe that there are two main anomalies, the 10th cheerleader and a second anomaly under the pool which is fueling the dead girl’s power, which I believe manifests as the small boy saying hello. Some people think that the boy is cheerleader 10’s child. I do not agree.

The anomaly under the school has been there a long time. I do not know what caused it, but it’s powerful. Its possible that it was once a young boy that was buried alive within scp-3935 long before the school was even built, and slowly became what he/it is now, but that’s just a shaky hypothesis at best. Whatever the reason that the entity is there; it’s the voice people here coming from underground and below the pool and in the broadcast, it’s the dark black shadow thing that appeared on the ceiling and in the windows, it’s what is causing the students to fall into the ground, it’s what has made the cheerleader so powerful. She died literally right above the nexus of its power. It’s using her, she’s just channelling it.

Of course, I could also have things twisted and the entity was originally benevolent, but it’s acting out now because the cheerleader was the evil one and her anger has tainted it and now she is controlling it. After all, its main shtick is just saying hello, which isn’t exactly life threatening.

Yet another interpretation is that both the entity and the girl were benevolent but the room (scp-3935) drove them both to malevolence. I think all options are equally likely.

In one of the early incidents, a boy notably hears voices - plural - coming from under the pool. That’s important, and further supports my point that there are two VERY distinct entities focused on the pool, with the older one being in the room below it. That same incident mentions and emphasizes the pool lining being cracked. The incidents get much worse after, indicating that this allowed the entity(s) to do more damage, possibly releasing them.

But why is it only acting out now? After all, strange things happened even before the pool cracked, even though those incidents were smaller. I dunno, maybe the girl’s death finally gave the original entity an outlet/a reason to act out (depending on which interpretation you prefer). I personally think that the reason there’s a gap between the death of the girl and the spike in activity was the time it took for the two anomalies to properly merge/infect each other/gain power.

But what is the girl’s story?

The 10th cheerleader got curious one day and decided to check out the room underneath the pool and found some spooky shit which then started to drive her a bit mad, which is why sometimes she’d repeat “hello” over and over again. She was also bullied pretty badly by the cheer team for her looks, which didn’t help her mental state.

She then got r*ped by one of the boys that “she didn’t want to find out” OR had sex with one of the boys (possibly a boyfriend?), either way it got her pregnant. I think that this happened in the boy’s locker room, which is why they were later replaced with “something that screamed”. The screaming was the girl’s screams.

The boy(s) could be anyone, but I believe that the boy who got her pregnant was a drummer for the school band. This is because students could hear drums when they entered the school after it closed, and the band’s instruments stopped making sound at one point, but when played the pool entity could be seen. Furthermore, as a cheerleader she would be seeing band members more often than the average student, therefore it makes sense that one of them might be the one to get her pregnant. However, this evidence is minimal.

She doesn’t want the fact that she’s pregnant to get out since it’s so taboo, but she told her cheer team and THEY started gossip about it that got back to the boys (and therefore the guy whose kid it is).

He/they(meaning either him or he and his friends) then killed her an indeterminate amount of time later by drowning her in the pool (hence the many anomalous incidents involving water/floating/sinking) and then staged it as a suicide by the small house in the forest. This is why both the forest and the pool room have anomalous properties (or the forest was already haunted by a third anomaly, but the evidence for that is a bit rocky). The trauma she suffered from her pregnancy and the surrounding events of it are why residents of the town are now unable to reproduce.

But what about the note? I think the word repeated was “hello” and the drawing was of the warped school the agents saw in the room below the pool. But that doesn’t answer why there was a note at all if the suicide was staged. HOWEVER! It does leave he possibility it was never a note at all, but rather simply a piece of paper that the girl was drawing/writing on right before she was killed. The paper was wet, after all. I believe that the girl was at the pool because the entity and/or the room below it (if the room has sentience) was drawing her towards itself, and she was writing what she was hearing/seeing (either directly or via visions). The boy(s) that killed her saw her there and took the opportunity to drown her, getting the paper wet. For whatever reason, they left the paper in her hand when they staged the suicide, and it was mistaken for a suicide note.

The girl killed the rest of the cheer team, (either before her death or as a ghost, regardless it’s out of revenge for the bullying and gossip) by luring them to the house in the woods and setting it on fire while they are trapped inside, potentially leading to them also being ghosts.

I believe they were trapped because of one of the pieces of dialogue said by Agent Porter in the exploration log, “-goes on forever. It goes down forever. We're in here forever. Just more of the nine, more of Salvation, down forever and ever. None of them got out. None of them got out. None of them got- got- got- got out out out out- (Static)”. However, this could also be in reference to the various people who went into the room below the pool and never came back out.

My main evidence for them being trapped in the house in the woods and burning alive comes from the visions seen by the students who went into the school after it closed. One of the three visions was of “a farmhouse in the middle of a grove of trees that is burning while nine humanoid figures hang in the air overhead”.

This is why they now float around and appear in various places around the town (notably always as a group, we will come back to that). OR those events are just the one dead girl’s memory of them. I lean toward option 2, since they were not killed in the pool and I believe that’s why cheerleader 10 has power.

Notably, the rest of the cheer team doesn’t do much of anything beyond appearing as a group in various locations. If they are real ghosts and not a memory, they have far less power than the pool entity and cheerleader 10, always needing to be together to have enough power to appear. If they are memories, then them always being a group may be because cheerleader 10 no longer sees them as individuals.

However, the ghost theory cannot be fully discounted. Much of the dialogue spoken by the tree agents in the exploration log after the silence following the bell tolling sounds as though it comes from two sources speaking through them: cheerleader 10 or the other 9 cheerleaders. I’ll provide examples later on, but it’s important to note because I can’t think of any reason why the other 9 cheerleaders would speak through the agents if they aren’t also still around and sentient in some way.

Either way, they now appear as ugly/unremarkable because that’s what they always called cheerleader #10. This could also be the reason why a reoccurring anomaly is people seeing faceless reflections of themselves/feeling like they have no face/seeing people with no face. The incident where they appeared at a 45° angle in the parking lot mouthing indecipherable words may be a reference to them bullying #10, as they always looked down on her (downward angle) and said mean things that #10 didn’t want to hear (words being unintelligible). The pool entity saying hello immediately after that incident ends points further toward cheerleader 10 and the pool entity working together/influencing each other.

It’s also possible the cheerleaders were driven mad by guilt/the dead girl/the pool spirit and hung themselves from the flagpole, hence why the students saw them like that. However, I think that the vision holds more weight and this was the ghosts of the cheer team OR the dead girl referencing the fact that her suicide was staged and the cheer team knew about that but never spoke up about it.

It’s possible the house in the forest is haunted by another woman, who is the cause of the two other visions the students saw of a woman crouched on the ground (one with her sitting in a pool of blood with her arms submerged elbow-deep in water, one with her crying and digging in the dirt until her hands begin to rot away). I’m not entirely sure, but it seems important and I believe that the repetition of the hands motif means that it’s the same woman. Maybe it’s the 10th cheerleader, maybe it’s her mom, maybe it’s connected to the pool anomaly instead (although I find that less likely than the other options since these visions appeared alongside one involving the cheer squad). However, grandma says in her interview that students told stories about strange things in the forest. It’s unclear if this started before or after cheerleader 10’s death. If it’s before, I believe that it’s because of the woman with the hand motif.

The woman with the hands is described as a woman, not a girl, implying she’s an adult. However, so are the nine floating women with white hair, and those are DEFINITELY the cheerleaders, so it’s entirely possible that the woman could be cheerleader 10.

The symbolism behind the visions is a bit unclear, but I think they represent her trauma surrounding the sex/possible r*pe that led to her pregnancy and the death of her child - either through abortion, stillborn, the child dying, or the child being murdered (whether by her own hand via drowning it or the hands of the guy who got her pregnant is unclear, but I’m leaning towards option one if the kid was murdered). Personally, I think abortion or the girl murdering the kid are the two most likely answers for what happened to it.

I think that the vision of her by the water in a pool of blood could represent either her being r*ped and trying to cleanse her hands of the trauma (many survivors report feeling ‘dirty’ after) or her trying to cleanse her hands of feeling guilty for getting an abortion, for the baby being stillborn, or even for murdering her child in a fit of insanity (although I dislike that interpretation a bit). Any these things would explain the blood.

The vision of a woman digging in the ground until her hands rot while she cries could be cheerleader 10 grieving her baby’s death (which could have been caused by many reasons, see my previous list), because the baby has been buried (hence digging in the ground), and her hands rotting either symbolize her being the reason for it (either by abortion, perceived guilt of a stillbirth, or her murdering the child in a fit of insanity) or the futility of trying to dig up the child when it’s already dead - possibly even because it was never buried int en first place if she aborted it early on. The crying is obvious, either grief or guilt or both.

However, the woman could also be the cheerleader’s mom, grieving her dead daughter and trying to dig her body up despite knowing the futility of it. She may even be feeling guilty for not doing enough to be there for her daughter/not saving her/potentially even driving her to suicide through a negative reaction to the pregnancy. Any of these interpretations works.

I think that the weeping young woman seen running into the school building (which led to the discovery of the collapsed floor) is the same woman as the one in the visions. If the visions are of two different people (the girl and her mother) then this third woman could be either.

Looping back around to the dialogue from the exploration log following the bell toll and the silence. It’s fucking weird, definitely the part that creeps me out the most in this entire scp file. I’ve talked about parts of it already, but here’s my interpretation of the rest of it:

“Ellis: -just wants to be, wouldn't you like to just be? (Pauses) Yeah, yeah, we all would die. We all would die. No more of the nine, we all would- (Pauses) They're back. They're ba-“

This is the first audio following the silence. I think it’s one side of a conversation, hence the pauses. I think it’s from the perspective of cheerleader 10, talking to the pool entity. “Wouldn’t you like to just be?” Might be in reference to the bullying she experienced, with her wanting to just exist without ridicule. “No more of the nine” is her wishing that her bullies would go away (die). “We all would die” is her wishing in anger that everyone would just die”. “They’re back” is the conversation being interrupted by the return of her bullies, aka the nine other cheerleaders. This conversation happens before #10 dies.

Side note, but the silence that happens between each piece of dialogue throughout this segment is always in multiples of 9 - first 81 minutes (9x9) then 18 (9x2) then always 9 minutes. Interesting, imo. Obvious reference to the 9 other cheerleaders.

“Haskel: -wall is like every other wall. This hall is like every other hall. Down and down and down and down, no no no no more please, no more down, can't go down any more, can't go-“

I’m not entirely sure who is speaking here. It could be Haskel, uninfluenced by any of the entities, but it could just as likely be any of the entities. I think it being Haskel himself is the most likely answer, though. His next piece of dialogue further proves that idea:

“Haskel: Ellis, god, can anyone hear me? (Shouting) Does anyone know who I am? I can't see the light anymore! I can't see- oh god, it's only dark, it's only dark down here. I just want to see the light aga-“

He directly named Ellis, one of the other agents. But then he asks if anyone knows who he is. I think that that is very important. His next piece of dialogue is very clearly not himself speaking, making me believe that being in close proximity to the room below the pool will slowly drive people mad and make them vessels for the entities within it.

“Haskel: (Laughing and speaking incoherently) -tenth is down below, the tenth is the madness, woke it up, there are nine but the tenth is down below, god please just make it-“

I’ve already discussed this one, and my belief that this is the nine cheerleaders speaking.

“Porter: (Screaming)”

Not much to say here, could be Porter or one of the entities.

“Haskel: I see you down there. You want me to come in? You want me to… you want us to all come down and be with you, down… (Wet, choking sounds. Splashing. Sharp intake of breath. Wet choking. Silence.)”

Okay, this one is interesting. I think this is the moment that cheerleader 10 died. She’s at the pool, speaking to the entity below (and writing on her piece of paper). Then, someone (probably the boy who got her pregnant) pushes her into the pool and holds her down as she drowns.

“Ellis: Fall forever! Fall forever! Fall forever! Fall forever! Fall forev- (Sound of wind moving past the microphone quickly).”

I have absolutely no clue what the hell this means!!

“Porter: -goes on forever. It goes down forever. We're in here forever. Just more of the nine, more of Salvation, down forever and ever. None of them got out. None of them got out. None of them got- got- got- got out out out out- (Static)

Unidentified Voice: (Through Porter's radio) Hello.

Porter: (Weeping)

Porter: (Static)”

Okay so I already mentioned how “none of them got out” could mean either the nine cheerleaders trapped in the burning house or the other people who went into the room beneath the pool and never returned, but the rest of this is new. It’s important to note that there isn’t a break of silence anywhere in this excerpt. Porter definitely dies here. The pool entity saying hello makes me think that it’s not the one speaking through Porter here, but then who is? Either the 10th cheerleader or Porter himself, and although it does make my argument for the way the cheerleaders died a bit rockier, I am inclined to say it’s Porter himself.

Now for the things I have literally no explanation for!

Who was the boy in class that no one could identify (The one who stood, eyes rolled back, floated into the ground, reappeared floating in a corner, and everyone dubbed it a prank)? I dunno. I’d say it’s the pool entity, but it always appears as a young boy with a shadow-like black body.

What about the other boy, who no one could identity, with the purple bag with white embroidery spelling “syncope”? Is it the same boy? I dunno. Syncope has two definitions: fainting caused by a rapid fall in blood pressure, and when a word is spoken with omitted sounds/letters (ie library being pronounced as lie-bree). I have no clue what any of that could represent! Is it yet another entity? I don’t think so. Is it the son of cheerleader 10? I don’t think so, since I highly doubt that kid lived past age 3 at most if he was even born before the girl died, but I guess it’s possible. Is it the guy who got her pregnant? Maybe! Is it another manifestation of the pool entity? I don’t think so, see my reasoning for the previous unidentifiable boy. Is it the same boy as the last one? Maybe! I have absolutely no clue. Do with this as you will.

Why does almost no one seem to care about literally any of the weird shit going on, with the exception of a few random people (ex: the boy screaming for help as he sunk into the floor)? Idk probably weird mental anomaly being inflicted by cheerleader 10 or the pool entity. Don’t have an answer for the select people that are resistant to the effect, though.

There’s a repetition of 20 seconds, both for how long the students spend trapped in rock when they all go to the school after it’s closed and when the bell tolls sounds after agent Ellis sees the pool entity and it says hello. I don’t know exactly why this is, but I think it supports my theory that the pool entity is somehow tied to the idea of being trapped below ground and potentially being buried alive.

What about the nine [data expunged] seen floating above and sinking into the small pond outside of town that are “Likely connected in some way to the nine [DATA EXPUNGED] that appeared behind the house in the grove”? Probably the nine cheerleaders, but why? They didn’t drown, they burned in the house. The one that drowned was the tenth cheerleader. And she didn’t even drown in the pond, she drowned in the pool! Well, at least I *think* she did. It makes the most sense, she was last seen there and we know the pool is important. So then what the hell is this small pond supposed to mean? I have absolutely no fucking clue. Maybe it’s the same pond as the one in the vision of the woman sitting in blood? Who the hell knows.

Note - Another interpretation that I think is possible is that the small black entity IS the tenth cheerleader, whose appearance in death is corrupted by the room below the pool. I don’t like this idea quite as much, but it does work and makes sense. I think it’s just as possible as the idea that they’re two different entities.

Evidence for this is the shared trait of saying “hello”, the fact that it’s a more cohesive story to have it be cheerleader 10 rather than a completely separate entity, and the dialogue from the SCP foundation agents’ exploration where agent Haskel says “-tenth is down below, the tenth is the madness, woke it up, there are nine but the tenth is down below, god please just make it-“. The tenth being the “madness” and “down below” strongly implies it’s the pool entity, in my opinion.

Anyway, if anyone actually reads this whole thing, thanks I guess. Have a cookie 🍪

#scp foundation #scp 3935 #scp fandom #scp #long post #randum thots #dunno what writing a 3600 word analysis on a random scp says about me #when I’m not even in the scp fandom #but it’s probably the adhd

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raybyanothername · 2 years

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Is Fear in his eyes the longest chapter/section of a fic/oneshot you've written? Because its like 3000 words but its such a good fic it doesnt seem that long because its so interesting. Btw I believe I've added about 104 more rereads since 2 days ago? Anyway this is a very long winded way of asking how your writing is going for FIHE and ur other WIPS. Plus now Im curious, how long do you spend writing these?

Fear is definitely one of the fics with the longest chapters. There's a few chapters of RAMD and CBK that have broke 3k, but I'd say most of my chapters hover in the 1.5-2k range. Like Mother, Like Son is my other fic with those big chapters. Both of these fics have a lot happen each chapter though, so it makes sense.

They're also the fics that take me the longest to write... ^^' Keeping Up and Targaryen Solution are on the other end of that spectrum, they're usually shorter chapters and when I'm writing them I can usually knock a few out in one sitting (I can and have done that with all my fics though to be fair). It really just depends on how much time I have to write and whether the muse is cooperating.

I've been working on these fics rather than my book as late so... that's why they're being updated regularly. I think I average an hour or two of writing a day. Spread across various fics and projects, probably around 2kish a day? Fear is special in that it gets written in a notebook and then I have to type it up when I finish the chapter. That's also how I'm writing my current book, which is why it's so easy to procrastinate on them. ^^'

I'm just like: I could write a bit more... then I don't have to type... oh, look, here's something I can write on my phone, no typing required! *takes a nap instead* What was I working on?

I am a rather chaotic writer. That's why I have a day job. Which I can fortunately write at sometimes. I think I've written half of Keeping Up during my office hours. XD

As for actual progress:

Fear has 1 of... 3? major scenes written.

LMLS is the same, and at 1k, so Fear is probably the same size.

I actually started The Beast, which is my big modern omegaverse AU. I have almost 600 words and it feels amazing to finally have something written for it!

My other fics all have, like, maybe 2 sentences each in progress? I've been trying to finish up some of one-shot WIPs so I'll have fewer untitled documents. ^^' I'll probably try to dive back in to Keeping Up this weekend though, because I have *plans* for the wedding night...

My plan for tonight is to finish the brim of a hat I'm knitting and actually type up some scenes from my book. I'm finally gonna get to write about my own dragons instead of GRRM's! Maybe... if I can wrangle my attention span...

Either that or I'll reread LMLS so I can channel Jace's attitude for the Daemyra wedding properly.

I've actually been struggingly to decide what to focus on the last few days, and that ends with me working on nothing or (maybe) on something new rather than current projects. My brain is very annoying like that sometimes. I wish I could put up a poll asking people to tell me what I should write some days. Just take that decision out of my hands so I can *start* when my brain is being frustrating.

If I'm close to the end of a chapter or fic (like, within 500-1k words) I'll sometimes try to wrap them up when I get asks about them. That's why both my A/B/O one-shots for HotD got posted in the last 24 hours. ^^'

I'm definitely rambling now... Oh well, enjoy what I'm sure was a very convoluted answer to your question! XD

#ray rambles #ray writes #writer life #house of the dragon #hotd #fanfiction #ray answers

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nithhaiahh · 2 years

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TOP 5 SONG ASSOCIATIONS • share the top songs in your playlist that most inspire/represent your muse(s). bonus points if you include lyrics to go along with it!

OOOFFF, each chapter of her life is based in a song. I guess I’ll pick just a few... (literally 5 hours later because is hard to pick btw 559 songs so I’m sorry i got like 9 or 10 here)

Cadence of Her Last Breath - Nightwish

Running for her life / This piece pretty much shows The dark rain from her eyes still falls / how Nith felt during her last day Breathtaking butterfly / at home before her father killed Chose a dark day to live / her mother and so she had to run away

For her days serving Demacia there are too many... So I’m gonna make an honorable mention first:

- Persona 3 Ending / Memories of you This is Nith singing to the memory of her lost lover and her comrades who died during the Civil War on Demacia.

UNLIMITS - ハルカカナタ (Haruka Kanata)

In this town constructed with sweet and bitter concrete. / Nith’s last stand Into the far distance, towards the faraway sky, / against Demacia our voice will be able to fly away. / and it’s stupid It'll rise higher and reach anywhere, no matter how far. / rules.

This town is filled with rules of the egoists. / The last bit of hope My hands and feet are tied down by these heavy chains. / she had about her Yet, because I don't want to be dragged by others, / freedom before... I'm still struggling hard to free myself. / Sylas happened.

During the years Nith loses her sanity:

- Hold on to You / NateWantsToBattle Nith trying her best to not forget about her fiance and herself. How deeply she loved him and how she promised him to be a good person... but is she still herself? Is she still human?

- Again / Araki She begins to lose her mind.

- For the Heart I once Had / Nightwish She accepts what she lost... that he is gone and so is her humanity.

Rest Calm - Nightwish

Every little memory resting calm in me / She is letting those memories die Resting in a dream / within her and only focus Smiling back at me / on remembering the bright The faces of the past keep / moments she had with them calling me to come back home / until the mist consumes her To caress the river with awe / completely.

Unleashe - Amanda ~ acoustic version here

Where was I meant to be? / Ever since she was born she was I feel I'm lost in a dream / blamed. It all felt unreal. She was Long for the day I can be myself / always used as a puppet, a doll. When I'm free / She wants to be herself, she wants When my sun has set / to be accepted for who she truly is. Released my soul forever / Human, undead, she just wants I'll have no regret / a place, someone, to care for To be free / her because of who is she.

And well I can’t pick a final song yet for the part of her accepting herself and finding a family who loves her so I’ll leave it with this two songs:

A New Age Dawns / Epica ~ acoustic version here

We can't undo what we have done / The lyrics are clear, she So show us now what we've become / finally accepted herself. Confront us with our viciousness And our weakness We can't evade our destiny So show responsibility For we all surely have a sense Of our consciousness

And this is pretty much the only happy cheerful song in this list:

Knew day / (K) NoW_NAME

The bonds we left gathering dust have connected; With our pasts and futures standing back to back, We’ll never turn our backs on that answer we’ll someday find, Grasping the light and going beyond tomorrow – as many times as it takes!

Tagged by: @infinite-xerath Tagging: (im sorry) @hook-and-chains , @luminaryxlight , @spiider-caller , @voidborn-terror , @corvoimperiale , @adventastic , @angelbroad

#nith reference~#a banshee's cry~#a banshee singing~

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queenerdloser · 2 months

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dumping some work frustration here bc it's bothering me SO much

so my boss called me and my two other admin coworkers in last week to talk to us about how small things have been falling through the cracks lately and she wants us to tighten up. and like. that conversation, i get. obvs it's frustrating when genuinely stupid stuff causes problems or when things aren't double checked the way they should be, etc.

but the problem is that my boss. is so FRUSTRATINGLY bad at communication. like to the point where i have never once had her respond to me without taking two weeks (at MINIMUM) to do it. there are multiple projects i've been working on that have ground to a complete halt because she just never got back to me when i tried to ask her something.

and in the two years i've been working here, this has been a consistent issue. i've talked about it, my other coworkers have talked it, our secondary bosses have talked about it. our boss has brought it up at admin meetings before (always in this like joking/casual way???) as an issue she knows she has. so she's VERY aware of it. but she's not doing anything to like. fix it? like she point blank told me that it wasn't likely to change and i just needed to pester her more to get things i needed from her or to get a response.

and it's the most mind-bogglingly frustrating response i'm still kind of ???? about her just. saying that she's not planning to try to work on this consistent failure to respond to the point where it's causing work issues or that she doesn't plan to like come up with strategies to fix the communication issue. she's just going to keep doing it and put the onus on US to try to get her to respond faster???? like what the fuck is that all about! if i was going my job inadequetely and my response was "well that's just how it's going to be, so you have to come up with strategies to try to get me to do my job better" i would be fired, i'm pretty sure????

even more frustrating bc they decided, based on the small mistakes piling up, that our admin team needs to be in office three days a week now instead of two. which, whatever, that's fine, but they framed it not as a punishment but as a way to make sure people are around to be able to communicate with each other more. and then didn't schedule us to be in office on the same days. and like tbqh i communicate just fine with the other admin on my team this is also happening to. the person i can't communicate with? is my boss, who doesn't respond to anything and who, btw, is not going to increase her in-office days (currently set at 1 btw) even though if anyone needs to be in the office more to "foster more communication" it's her. like maybe if she was actually in office more, i could track her down to get the VERY SIMPLE ANSWER i need to the question i asked her three weeks ago.

idk man my boss also gave me some examples of where things for me personally had been causing issues and both examples she gave me were ??? bc one was about how i didn't check in with her about something that she already knew about and that i was aware she was doing (so why would i need to check in with her about it????) and the other was not following up on a form that i created for her to fill out (within a day of her asking for it to be created btw) that she then proceeded to not send back to me for literally a month and a half. except that i DID follow up on the form multiple times and every time i asked her about it, she said she'd get it to me that day and then never did.

like. i genuinely don't know how to say this to her face, but i am not a fan of being told that it's on ME to make sure that she responds to things. i'm sorry. but you've got to figure out how to manage that yourself, which you should be able to since you're literally my boss. what the fuck. i'm also busy!!! no, i don't want to have to message you every hour for one simple form you should have sent to me weeks ago!!!!

frustrating building too bc there's this report i need in order to finish creating this spreadsheet for data entry and i asked her to send it last wednesday. asked about it again friday, again today. not only has she not sent it, hasn't sent a single fucking confirmation she's even seen my messages or is working on it. i'm like. i can't even do this thing (which SHE ASKED ME TO DO!!!!! this spreadsheet data is stuff she specifically is asking for us to fill out!!!!!!) until i get this report. why do i have to hound you to do your fucking job!!! why am i the one being reamed for little mistakes and told i have to come into the office an extra day a week to make up for it when she can just get away with this kind of bullshit behavior?????????? ARGH.

#liveblogging life #tbd #this has been PLAGUING me since last week lmao #it's so so so frustrating and there's not really a good place to complain to about it so i just kind of have to suck it up and deal

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dragonsaffron · 2 years

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!! For the OCs

(In reference to a post I reblogged about a month ago. For every "!!" I get, I'll ramble about one of my OCs)

So what happened when I found this ask was, first of all, I spent about half an hour digging through my blog history trying to find out what ask game this was in reference to. Then I realized that this was going to be a nightmare, because I have so many OCs. Just. So many. In fact I have so many that I'm going to write them all down and roll a d8 just to figure out which one to talk about 1: Eva Espada 2: Fanta (yes that's her name) 3: Harriet Norman, Last Baroness of Swanford 4: Catherine Sierra 5: Quinn Brandeis (the only man on this list) 6: Emma Farrier 7: Joyce Alonhall, The Blackbird 8: Lindír Heimirsson aka Lindír Chained-flame And I rolled a 5. So let's talk about Quinn Sebastian Brandeis.

Quinn is a supporting character in my novel The Earthborn Emissary (and tbh if I ever write a sequel to that one, he'd probably be the protagonist of that one). He's eighteen years old, he's day, he deals weed, and he's a cyborg. In the book, his best friend Cathy (#4 on the list) gets sick, develops a chrysalis, and wakes up as a four-armed insect person called an Emissary. When Cathy has to flee the planet Earth to escape the cybernetic soldiers of the Order of the Pale Star, Quinn volunteers to go along for moral support. At the end of the book, he gets captures by the Order and is subjected to a bunch of cybernetic modification in order to convert him into one of their cambion soldiers, a process which is cut short by some plot stuff happening. Quinn is sort of loosely based on a couple of people I knew in high school, taking different traits from each of them. He's very much a modern-day rogue archetype, he can pick locks, he can sneak around, he knows how to use a knife; he grew up with a single mom and got into Crimes pretty early on, so he definitely knows how to take care of himself. His personality was inspired by one person in particular, this heavy sarcasm and sharp political awareness, combined with the kind of bone-deep cynicism that only a Gen Z teen about to graduate from high school can manage. It's a sharp contrast to the other two leads, Catherine Sierra and their girlfriend Miri Hewitt, who both lean towards the sheltered nerd end of the spectrum.

My favorite moment with Quinn, and one of his defining character moments, was the time he managed to get lost in a marketplace on a completely alien world, and within 24 hours had sold some of his blood in exchange for drugs that he then shared with Cathy.

I still feel like I didn't do much with Quinn. He wasn't the main character, and Earthborn Emissary was a first person POV book, so he didn't get nearly as much depth as any of the other characters. Miri had a whole romance arc, and even the adult supporting cast were involved with Cathy's growing up. Quinn was just sort of there. I'd originally even planned that his heroic sacrifice moment at the end of the book would lead to him being killed instead of just captured and experimented on, but I realized that that would be a waste for someone who had had so little focus as it was, and just kind of be an awkward fridging moment that didn't add much besides to make the book's tone darker. So he lived, with some added machine parts, and got to return to Earth at the end of the book.

This is what I mean, btw, when I say that my OCs are different from usual because I'm a writer. They're all tied fairly heavily to the stories I created them for, (except for RPG character OCs, I guess). And if anyone read this far and wants to hear about some of the other OCs on that list, then my asks are open.

Also, not to self-advertise, but if you want to actually read the book that Quinn originated from, it's on my wordpress page. The title is The Earthborn Emissary, and the whole thing is available there for free.

#my OCs #my writing #ask #long post

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jonathankatwhatever · 2 years

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A very difficult night with a lot of lying still unable to concentrate or relax.

I saw a lot, but much was faint because the view was clouded by the stress.

Example: I saw why 3rd order equations fall apart. You can see it: take a Hexagon, draw the CR circle, which makes the Triangular to that, which makes the next scale Hexagon, which repeats. Since the Hexagons act like gears, the odds of reaching down from 3 layers away to a result will be very low unless there are constraints, which of course is what happens in real life. As in, you can’t make rocks just disappear without work and that work must take certain forms.

BTW, the Triangular to the Hexagon’s CR is made of the midpoint lines which are Irreducible to each fD. And to be clear, the clock hands meet at the tips. Or perhaps it’s better to think of them as meeting or not, which explains a lot about space-time.

This is the scary topic. Buffeted by cross winds, trying to land on a pitching carrier deck at night, kind of scary.

So, here’s a spurt of words, if I can loosen the stopcock.

This sets up a field of fields that connect. You can see the connections in the overlap of the Hexagonal CR which locates the clock hands tips between Hexagons. The clock hands are universal: they’re counting from Triangular, not made up because humans thought this was a cool idea. This creates space time because the metric to clock hands ratio adjusts. It adjusts to account for depth of layering. You can see the reach in the scaling of the Triangular within the Hexagonal CR. That scaling reflects at each level in the fD to gs transition: at the larger scale, that bT relates to another bT along the visible axis line, meaning the other Irreducible, so half the fD and half the gs connects beyond the CR’d Hexagon. That is not the same as half the gs because this puts the third End, which is the observer, outside the CR’d Hexagon. That is the core mechanics to the observer relationship, which is something never before done.

So, there is an extremely ‘simple’ relationship between the ‘observer problem’ and space-time.

I’m troubled by the movement of objects or gs structures across the field (which is Hexagonal and which relates to grid squares and higher dimensions). That is, the logic of the relationship from the enclosing to the enclosed is hard to put in words. The clock hand tips touch in the ideal. A certain amount of work is required for that to happen, meaning mechanics. That work has to Regularize, meaning it has to abstract so it isn’t perspective dependent. The minimum for that is the description made last night. That is, the count around the scaled bT which fits to the CR’d Hexagon has either 3 versions to count identity, meaning 1-0-1 to return versus 1-0 to state existence, or both threads times each other because that’s the potential and that maps to area. With two ways of starting, that gives two SBE3’s. Since it counts SBE3, then it attaches to the tick-tock, through the 419, which completes at 420, which maps the far edge of the focal bT, which is the bT covered by the swing of the arm. So, that is also inherent to the concept of a second and to a meter, which isn’t a length absolute but is a length scaled to the tick-tock.

I may have left out last night that each hand can hold still while the other spins. It is that which adds the power of 10 because SBE3+1 connects 1 to itself by counting 1 to 0 or 0 to 1. So one hand holds and that counts seconds in a minute. And then one hand holds and that counts minutes in an hour. And then a hand holds and that counts hours. A better way to say this might be that the two perspectives count 60*60 and that works out to minutes and seconds. As noted last night, that completes that counting level. The next counting level reaches 24. It isn’t ‘numerology’; it’s mechanics.

So, we’ve come back to one of the very old ideas of ours, that the length of the meter is directly related to the length of the second, which we see now as scaling of tick-tock. This then enables a view of the Informational Limit as being where the scale reveals the fitting necessary to connect the clock hands together over the Hexagons. This directly recreates the shortening and lengthening effects of special relativity. The general relativity fabric then works too. To try to blurt this out: more stuff means more layers of the clock hands having to connect across the Hexagons. Let’s say you’re a spaceship flying across the galaxy. You’re a ship because you’ve precipitated out of higher dimensions into a stable form. That is why we can imagine a ship as well: we reduce the ideas to the specificity we can or want and that process is part of the chains which reduce to any actual spaceship sort of thing. You reach the edge of a really stuffed area, which you perceive because that edge reaches across the Hexagons at scale. As you get closer, you experience more of that stuffed area, meaning there’s more processing of the bits which make-up and maintain your existence as a spaceship, which is felt as attraction because it literally slows you to a location, which can be pinpointed if you have the data.

I’m actually getting fluent with what has to be biggest set of questions in the world. This is why I trust you so much. I’m going to take a break because that burned a lot of energy.

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outerbankies · 3 years

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new light part 2: take two — rafe cameron

new light series materlist

summary: after a reconnection for the ages, you and rafe see each other at graduation and go to a few parties together. more confessions and kisses ensue!

pairing: rafe x kook reader, platonic kelce x reader

warnings: drinking, swearing, whole lotta kisses

a/n: hi! thanks so much for reading new light!!! here's part 2. some quick notes: i aged topper and kelce up for this (closer to rafe's/reader's age). bff kelce! & still not canon rafe. let me know what you think :)

my writing

i want a take two, i wanna break through, i wanna know the real thing about you

After your date—because you were past convincing yourself it was just drinks—with Rafe, he'd been on your mind constantly. And he'd texted you sad face after sad face every time you couldn't take him up on an offer to hang out.

You were swept up in family activities; fancy dinners at the Island Club, prepping for Dylan's party, and everything in between.

But that hadn't stopped you from blushing every time he asked to take you out on the Druthers.

Your body was thrumming with nerves by the time the graduation ceremony actually rolled around, knowing you’d finally get to see him again, and you had to resist being too obvious in looking over your shoulder for slicked brown hair and Ray Bans when you and your parents arrived at the academy.

The three of you settle into some of the folding chairs set up at the stadium, your dad making sure she had the best angle possible with his obnoxiously large DSLR camera. You swear the last time that thing made an appearance was your own high school graduation.

You're debating texting Rafe to tell him you were there, messages open on your phone, when a new one pops up from him just in time.

Look to your right

You do as he says, a bit too eager to even try to play it cool, even though you know he's clearly watching you from wherever he is. Another message comes through before you can spot him.

You’re a smoke show btw

Schooling your features is hopeless now, turning to look for him again with an unabashed curiosity. When you finally spot Rafe across the stadium, he's holding his sunglasses atop his head, cheeky grin plastered onto his face. He nods in recognition, sliding his sunglasses back into place, and you realize he'd been able to spot you even with the sun beating directly into his eyes. You waste no more time in waving at him, catching your dad's attention next to you.

"Who's that?"

"You remember Rafe Cameron, right?"

—

Nobody could pay you to remember one thing that had actually happened in that ceremony. All you could focus on was stealing glances at Rafe, sometimes catching his attention, sometimes just admiring him slyly. Even when you did try to pay attention, you couldn't help but wonder if he was watching you.

Two hours later your old principal is conferring the diplomas of all the new graduates, and you chance one more look over at Rafe, who’s already watching you.

He flicks his head in the general direction of the school, causing a smirk to pull on your lips immediately. “Pool,” he mouths.

You roll your eyes, still nodding your head. He beams at you then, and you have to force yourself to focus back on the stage as your body thrums with excitement, thinking about being within Rafe’s reach again. The audience is erupting into applause and you quickly join in, watching your brother proudly.

As everyone stands up, you get your mom’s attention. “I’ll be back for pictures, I’m just going to use the restroom inside really quick.”

“Okay, sweetie,” she says. “Hurry back.”

You nod and rush off, feeling giddy as a teenager, making your way through the bustling crowd to a far more secluded part of the school.

You’d lost sight of Rafe in the sea of Figure 8 families dressed to the nines, but continue to the school pool anyways. You know he’d show eventually.

He had been trailing you all along, from a respectable distance. Rafe watched you move through the crowd, counting down the seconds until he could run a hand across your back, equal parts tan, bare, and tempting because of your choice in dress.

“That dress might be a bit scandalous for a high school graduation,” he voices once he spots you, leaning up against a brick wall bordering the pool. “Don’t you think, Y/l/n?”

“What are they gonna do, dress code me?” you tease, coming to meet him halfway.

It’s pointless though, because once you’re in his vicinity he’s backing you right up against the wall again, one hand on the wall and the other on your back, protecting your skin against the rough brick.

“Hi,” he murmurs, the lights from the pool reflecting onto his face.

“Hi.”

It's quiet for a minute, neither of you making the first move even though you both know where this is headed.

"Did you enjoy the ceremony?" he asks after a moment, splaying his fingers just so. His large hand is covering the expanse of your back at this point, his thumb stroking up and down your side, edging closer and closer to the edge of your dress every time.

"There was a ceremony? Hadn't noticed."

Rafe's kiss is enthusiastic and a bit wild this time, like he’s had a taste of you once and now he knows he can never get enough.

“Look at you in your little suit pants.” You giggle when you take a second to pull back, happy to let Rafe continue his pursuit down your neck, a manicured finger tugging on one of his belt loops. "You look so preppy."

Rafe stops kissing your jawline then, leveling you with a glare.

“Please don't put your hands near my belt while we're on school property.” He pushes your hips away from his, but just slightly, leaning back down already.

"I didn't mean anything by it," you say coyly.

He kisses the arrogance right out of you, the thigh he's moving to plant in between your legs about to make you let out an embarrassing mewl.

Your clutch, discarded on the ground once Rafe had backed you into the wall, starts ringing right then. He pulls off of you with a sigh, his head hanging between his arms. "Fuck."

"C'mon Cameron," you coo, placing a hand on his chest again to push him off you. He moves easily, bending down to grab your ringing purse for you. You see the 'where are you?' text from your mom, signaling the end of your little rendezvous. "We're terrible older siblings."

Rafe laughs at that, pecking your forehead. "Not my fault you chose this dress."

One hand comes back to your back then, stroking a finger up and down your spine. You try to suppress a shiver. If he only knew you hadn't planned on wearing this dress, not at all, when you were originally packing to come home. Your mom had even made a passing comment about how revealing it was, but you had just shrugged, texting Rafe to confirm he was still coming.

“They won’t miss us for five more minutes,” he taunts, using one hand to move all of your hair to fall behind your shoulders. He traces a finger across your newly exposed collarbones, brushing underneath your dress strap without a second thought.

“You should’ve sat by me.” You try to sound unaffected, when you are anything but. You knew he could feel the goosebumps forming under his touch.

“Respectfully,” he starts, leaning down to place a kiss right under your ear. “I would’ve caused a scene.”

His breath in your ear sends another shiver down your spine, and you're thankful that your phone beeps again, bringing you right back to reality.

"How do I look?" you ask him, straightening out your hair. He can barely suppress a chuckle, a finger tucking some of your front layers behind one ear.

"Like you just got macked on."

"What are we, sixteen?" you tease, taking your compact mirror out to survey the damage.

"Feels like it," he murmurs, looking around at the pool deck. Rafe could vividly remember his water polo games here; the sinking feeling he got when he'd look around and his dad was nowhere to be found on the bleachers. But that hadn't mattered to him anymore, not once Kelce had started bringing you around to his games instead. "Except you're paying attention to me this time."

"Good to know I was discreet while ogling you in your swimsuit all those years." You finish touching up your lipgloss, reaching up for one last kiss.

"Were you objectifying me, Y/l/n?" Rafe scoffs, holding out a hand to you as he lets you off the wall. You stifle a giggle when you notice the new, slightly shimmery tint to his lips.

You take his hand gladly, letting him pull you back through your guys’ old stomping grounds. It's nostalgic, to be here with him like this. You remember walking these same halls years ago, passing him with nothing more than a polite nod, even though he’d always go out of his way to call out your name and wave. Now, you look from your intertwined hands, to his flushed face, amazed you’d arrived at this point.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” He asks it so surely, like he’d been reading your mind this entire time.

“Very,” you agree, squeezing his hand. Things were so different this time around.

Just before you two exit the main campus, he’s tugging on your hand to pull you behind a row of lockers and out of view from any passers-by.

“I wanna see you tonight. I’m not sure if you heard but, Mateo’s having a thing,” he starts. “Topper and Kelce just got home so they’re gonna be there... do you wanna go?"

“Together?” you ask immediately.

He looks like he’s considering it for a second, wondering if that’d been too much too fast.

“I mean... yes?”

You think on it for a moment as well, about all the implications of showing up to a party where all of your old friends with be, with Rafe Cameron in tow. Looking at Rafe, the way he'd nervously shoved his hands into his pockets, you can't think of one reason to say no.

“Pick me up at 9?” you ask, already leading him back toward the crowd.

“You’re sure?” He tugs on your hand, forcing you to stop and look at him one more time.

“Of course, don’t be late.”

The two of you reach the main throng of people on the soccer field, wading through a crowd of parents and grandparents eagerly hugging their kids and taking pictures.

Rafe's hand drops from yours then, coming to rest discreetly between your shoulder blades instead when he spots Ward, Rose, and your parents all standing together, along with Sarah and your brother.

"Rose, the party is going to be so fun. You have to stop by," you catch your mom plead, right before she spots you and Rafe. “There you two are, finally!”

“Bathroom line,” you say lamely.

“Yeah, super long,” Rafe supplies. “Mr. and Mrs. Y/l/n, it's nice to see you.”

You separate from Rafe to run off and hug your brother tightly, Rafe trying and failing to hold a conversation with your mother as he watches you all the while.

—

Mateo's party was a bit larger than you’d expected, walls bumping by the time you entered with Rafe’s hand placed on your back, his intentions unmistakeable by any onlookers.

“C’mon,” he says in your ear, leading you to the kitchen where the drinks probably are. The huge crowd of party goers afforded you a greater level of anonymity, although the both of you still receive some curious glances from your former peers. Rafe just squeezes your hand, keeping you close to him.

“Look who it is,” a voice says as the two of you finally make it to the kitchen, and it’s all you can do to not push Rafe out of your way to run and hug Kelce. You hadn’t seen your friend since being home for New Years.

"Kelce!"

“Finally came to your senses?”

He says it loud enough only for you to hear, and you pull out of his hold to look at him weirdly. But he waves you off, wordlessly signaling that you'd talk later.

You’re still skeptical but go to greet Topper as well, who's standing beside Kelce and making a drink.

“Hey, Y/n/n." He pulls you in for a hug. “Want a drink?”

“Oh, uh, I got her,” Rafe says quickly, apparently hot on your heels this entire time. Topper just rolls his eyes at the two of you, letting Rafe take over anyways.

“Hurry up, we’re up next against Mateo and Griffin out back.”

Rafe finishes making whatever concoction he's mixed up and puts it in two red solo cups, holding one out to you. “Are you gonna be okay in here?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a bit.” His gaze shifts between you and Kelce, feeling better about leaving you alone with his friend. Even though you know pretty much everyone else here.

He leans down to give you a kiss before he can think twice.

“Uh,” he says, pulling back abruptly. The blush you’d grown to love being the cause of was blooming across his cheeks, visible even in the poor lighting. “Okay, yeah, going outside now.”

You stifle a giggle as he retreats with Topper, taking a sip of what he’d made you. Bless his heart, but you immediately hold your drink out to where Kelce is pouring himself one.

“What, boyfriend pour too light for you?” he teases, giving you some extra Tito’s.

“Shut up, Kelce.”

“Am I wrong?” he accuses.

“He’s not—we’re just hanging out right now,” you say cryptically.

“Okay, when are you going to tell me what the fuck happened there? I almost dropped my phone when he texted me,” Kelce laughs. "Low-key didn't believe it until I saw you on his Insta."

“He asked me out, I said no—then yes—and here we are,” you shrug, sipping your stronger drink. “That’s pretty much been it.”

“Wow,” Kelce whistles, sipping his own drink. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

You know Kelce is just joking, giving you a hard time like all friends do. Your high school girl friends had been blowing up the group chat all week, after Rafe had posted on his Instagram. They all teased you for your obliviousness, and it was starting to bother you just how many people had been privy to Rafe’s feelings. How could you not have seen?

“Am I an idiot?” you ask Kelce, alcohol already starting to effect your ability to mince your words. “For never realizing?”

He thinks about it for a moment, rubbing a hand along his chin. Kelce eventually smiles, ruffling your hair like he always had.

“You can’t see something you don’t want to,” he says. It doesn’t placate you entirely, but it’s exactly what you needed to hear from your friend.

“You’re so wise, I missed you. Shots?”

—

The next time you see Rafe, he’s outside perched on the granite outdoor bar in Mateo’s backyard. He’s talking to what look like some old water polo teammates, although it’s hard to recognize them with out chlorine bleached hair and tan skin. And swim caps and Speedos.

You’ve had a few drinks.

“Y/n/n!” he calls, hands cupped around his mouth. He beckons you over, and the alcohol is enough to dissipate your nerves as his friends look over at you, but you still feel a bit timid when you approach.

But Rafe’s pulling you into his hold easily, widening his legs for you to stand between, strong arms encircling your shoulders. His friends go back to talking amongst themselves after they greet you politely.

“You having fun?”

“Yeah, how was pong?”

He scoffs, “Crushed it.”

You chime in on what his friends are talking about when you can, mainly just soaking up the feeling of being pressed up against Rafe like this. A big step from sneaking into the pool to make out—half of Kildare was here to see you, and you found yourself unable to care less what any of them thought.

“Oh hey,” Rafe says suddenly, making you turn in his hold to face him. “I meant to tell you in the car. Your mom invited me to Dylan’s grad party.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, when we were leaving the academy,” he says. “Is that okay with you?”

Rafe’s friends are barely paying attention to the two of you anymore, giving you a mild sense of privacy.

“I mean, it’s kinda...”

He raises his eyebrows, urging you to continue when you trail off.

“A little serious,” you finish. “If you’re there, and we’re—”

You gesture to how the two of you are currently intertwined and he rolls his eyes, that signature smirk pulling on his lips.

“I’m alright with it if you are.”

You think about how it felt, entering this party with Rafe, hanging all over each other, sending a message to all of your friends. You’d thought it would make you feel nervous, but if anything you just felt comfort in knowing that he was serious about this. It’s a whole different story with your family, but you know you two can handle it.

“You’re sure? This wasn’t just some high school wish fulfillment thing for you?” you tease.

“Ha, ha,” he fake laughs, tugging on the ends of your hair. “You caught me.”

“I’m serious though,” you say, after the two of you have settled down a little. "If we do this—"

Rafe tucks some hair behind your ear, leaning down for another kiss.

“Me too.”

You don’t miss the underlying implication.

—

You'd been practically glued to Rafe's side for the entirety of your brother's graduation party—apparently your mom had taken the liberty of inviting his entire family. Not that you were complaining from your spot on his lap in one of the patio chairs. He’d strided toward you confidently upon his family’s arrival, your previous hesitance evaporating as he greeted you with a kiss on the cheek in front of your family, shaking your father’s hand, thanking your mother for the invite and congratulating Dylan, all without missing a beat.

Later in the night you’d both grown a bit giggly from the unlimited supply of Dom Perignon, nostalgia thick in the air as you both recounted stories from high school. Rafe had been getting a bit handsy for a family party, the hand not firmly planted on your lower back to hold you steady slowly trailing the length of your shin to your mid thigh, pushing your dress a bit higher each time until it was almost over your knee.

"Watch it, my dad is like ten feet away," you warn, although there's no seriousness behind your words. You’re actually grateful when he makes no move to stop. Nobody’s paying attention to you two anyways.

"So is mine," Rafe counters, voice loud enough for only you to hear. "Glad we established that."

"Rafe Cameron, this is a family party."

"Is it?" he asks in wonder, like he had no idea.

“You’re trouble,” you murmur, fiddling with his shirt collar where your arms are wrapped around his neck.

“D’you want more champagne?” he asks, glancing at both of your finished glasses on the table next to you. The glow of the party flickers on his curious face, and you just want to kiss him forever. You can't stop thinking about how if his entire family is here, he has an empty house just a few streets over.

“No,” you whine, sinking even further into his chest. “Don’t get up.”

“Rookie,” he teases, already signaling a cater waiter to come collect your glasses for you. He pulls a $20 out of his wallet, sending him on his way quicker than he came. “See how easy that was?”

You don’t care about the champagne anymore, placing a kiss on his jawline. Rafe freezes, letting you continue until you’re kissing just under his ear.

“I thought this was a family party, Y/l/n,” he teases.

“Fuck it. Wasted too much time already,” you say before you can think twice. You’re hoping he won’t pick up on it, the roar of the party taking place just feet away maybe enough to drown out what you’ve said. That third glass of champagne had been a bad idea.

Because of course he heard you, all can he hear is you.

“What do you mean?” Rafe’s eyes are still a bit bleary, but you can tell your sudden statement has cleared the fog a bit. He’s pushing you off of his chest then, just enough so he can look into your eyes. But you’re looking down where his hand on your leg had become caught between both of yours, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger. You pull it on and off again, sliding it back into place over and over again. Maybe you can pretend you didn’t hear him. “Baby, look at me.”

You’re thankful the waiter chooses that moment to come back over, smiling gratefully at him as he hands you both a fresh flute of champagne. But Rafe takes them both and sets them back down on the table where the old ones had been, shooing him off with another crisp $20. Does he just keep them in his breast pocket at all times?

“Y’know, my mom’s already tipping them.”

“Y/n,” he insists. “What's going on?”

"I..." You trail off, still unsure if this is a path you want to go down tonight. But he's still looking at you, and after how many times he's poured his heart out to you this week, you know he deserves the same.

You'd tried to push it down, but you'd never been able to settle the bad feeling in your stomach since talking with Kelce at Mateo's party. You pretended like everything was fine, letting Rafe wrap you up in his arms, and come to your brother's party. But it was lingering in your mind the entire time. You can't even look at him directly when you finally find the words, choosing to focus on one of the oak trees further down the property that had been wrapped in string lights for the occasion.

"I can't believe I wasted all these years, never giving you a chance."

Realization unfurls his brow, much the way it did when he realized you never knew he had feelings for you all these years. "Y/n/n."

"No, Rafe," you plead, facing him this time. "I did. You were always there and I was just completely blind to it, never thinking twice about you. And for what reason—because you were popular? And I didn't think I was good enough? When the entire time you were just showing me I was."

"But you were right to doubt me, I was horrible back then—"

"But not to me," you interrupt. "Never to me."

His mouth snaps shut, because he knows it's true.

Part of the reason he'd been so shocked you never picked up on his feelings was because he just assumed anyone with eyes could see how gone he was for you. Any trace of the hard exterior he'd built up over the years would completely diminish in your presence, unless he was coming to your defense. Once, it had taken both Topper and Kelce to pull Rafe away from some creepy pogue working at the marina that had made a passing comment about your body in your bikini. You'd spent the entire day on the boat avoiding Rafe after that, not knowing what to say besides an awkward 'thank you' when he'd dropped you off at your dock that evening. He'd just nodded, refusing to make eye contact with you.

Rafe's voice and the vibrations emitting from his chest, still palpable from where you're laid up against him, bring you back into the present.

"Y'know, I always hoped we'd be a sure thing one day, but I never knew for sure," he says sheepishly. "Which is pretty much par for the course when it comes to you, Y/n. Even when we went away for school, I thought—I'd ask Kelce about you, and he'd tell me I needed to give it up, or worse, talk to you."

That paints the tiniest smile on your face, the mental image you were constructing of an annoyed Kelce telling Rafe to either buck up or get over you.

"My worst fear was that you'd come home with some college boyfriend I couldn't compete with," he admits. "I was nervous as fuck the first time we were all back here for the holidays. And then I saw you at that party and I just thought: 'alright, still got it bad.'"

"Rafe." You bury yourself into his neck, your warm cheeks coming into contact with his equally warm neck. Your combined embarrassment made your heart flutter even more. The weight of his heartfelt confessions was heavy on your shoulders, but it was a weight you'd carry gladly from this point on.

"I never lost hope, I thought maybe you just needed some time," he presses, the hand previously on your knee coming to your chin so you're forced to look at him. "I know I did."

He kisses your forehead.

"So don't feel bad—don't look at it as time wasted," he urges. “You’re here now. That’s all I care about.”

"Promise?" you ask, that niggling voice in the back of your head just needing that last bit of reassurance to quiet down so you can focus on sharing this night with him.

And Rafe would always give it to you.

"Promise.”

962 notes · View notes

katsukikitten · 3 years

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Hello friends! Here is my contribution to the Bakugou Birthday Bash! The master link will be linked here ! Please enjoy my bit of an angsty fic! And all of the other art and works that are on the master list! Enjoy the big bakugou blow out and remember to leave a comment on your favorite pieces! Happy birthday ya shitty man! (Lowkey become 3d please)

Warning: he's 28 btw 😂 (my fic says so also)

It shouldn't be this fucking hard to get groceries and booze. It's a quick and easy errand. Everything already pre-ordered for an important birthday that just needed to be picked up. And yet here you were crying in your car trying to get it together before the attendant asked for the order name. Honestly you had texted out "I can't do this today. Sorry." Several times before deleting it, telling yourself not to hit send. But you would have to be having the worst mental day of your life wouldn't you? Today of all days, how fucking selfish of you.

Especially with the amount of time and effort you and Kirishima had put into this idea. Since New Year's actually, months and months of planning after the two of you had gotten shit faced at Denki and Mina's new years party, creating the brain child. All after bonding over switching patrol partners six months before, you had gotten Bakugou and he had gotten Ashido. Kirishima and yourself giggle over stupid things to the side of the party, people watching as you took shots. Kirishima points towards a normally grumpy blonde.

"Wow I think he's actually having fun." You snort, as you watch Bakugou hide his rare cat smile behind a sip of his beer as Mina makes Denki the butt of a joke.

"He actually loves parties. He never says it so people just think he's a wet blanket." Kirishima laughs, pouring the two of you another shot. Bakugou lets out a particularly loud laugh after 'Dunce Face' proves Mina's point. I guess that would be the time that it started.

When you started to fall. His laugh makes your cheeks deepen in hue and burn, to want to hear it again, to watch it again and learn all of the other sides of your patrol partner that he obviously only reserved for his closest friends.

"Let's throw him a great birthday party." You say, holding up your shot as a devilish smile spreads over sharp teeth. The mountainous man clinks your shot glass before he adds.

"Let's." In unison the two of you down the burning liquid as the plan comes into fruition.

Four months, four months and nineteen days of you thinking of nothing but your patrol partner with whom you got extremely close with since New Year's. So why? Why today of all days were you struggling? Why would normal everyday tasks feel more as if you were wading through mud than the breeze they should have been? You flip down the visor, looking yourself in the eye through little square mirror as you grit your teeth hissing

"Get your shit together."

Your little pep talk helps you get the several cakes and the cart full of booze that everyone requested, planning to make this the best birthday ever. Helping Kirishima set his house up with decorations, setting out the snacks, catering and even pouring some drinks as guests began to arrive to set down their gifts and help with the last minute touches before hiding. Masking through the pit in your stomach as you smiled at all of your friends as they poured in through Kirishima's door. Through the weighted emptiness you felt as each one wrapped you into a tight hug, already praising you and Kirishima for the amazing effort, that Bakugou would be so surprised when it was more than just you and Kirishima here. . Finally you had to go and get the guest of honor just before sundown to catch him before he went to bed. A much needed breather from the constant smiling and forcing a laugh that everyone thought sounded genuine.

Enjoying the silence of the evening train as it pulled you across town to the unsuspecting blonde. And maybe you could have made it through the night from your shitty pep talk or at least through getting the freshly 28 year old to his party but instead you catch your reflection in the window. Your facial features weighted with exhaustion, shoulders hunched allowing your body to continue to produce cortisol. Tears prick your eyes as you deep low, too low. Remembering everything and nothing all at once, steeping in guilt as you beg yourself for just a few more hours. That the depression episode can happen when you're home and alone, after the party goes off without a hitch. Tears fall anyway and they do all the way to Bakugou's until you finally get enough control to step out of yourself for a moment. Ringing the doorbell several times as a smile is plastered on your face, the door swings open. Bakugou's eyes narrow as they take you in, he notices that something is off. Your smile is a little too wide, your eyes rimmed red but he says nothing about it. Instead he lets his initial anger come forth.

"Oi! I told you to fuckin' text me when you were on the train so I could meet you at the station!" He growls, slamming his door shut and pocketing his keys. Deadly and sweaty hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket as his palms itch to hold onto something else. Garnet eyes track your own hands as you reach over your head stretching.

"Yea yea, I hear you Dad." You tease giving him a look, "I still made it okay."

"Kirishima should have come instead of you that fuckin hair for brains." He snarls keeping pace with you as he always does on patrol.

"I know Dad must be sad cause his favorite didn't come to pick him up." You try not to sound dejected, nudging him in the ribs to distract from the crack in your voice, "Happy birthday ya big lug."

Bakugou cuts you a glare, mind racing before his barks out a "Thanks."

Comfortable silence stretches between the two of you before you two hit the train station, passing a corner store.

"Was shitty hair burning dinner? Do I need to stop for back up?" His thumb hooks over his shoulder towards the neon as he stands idle waiting for you to jog your memory. Kirishima had burned the last friend's dinner making Bakugou so angry he walked six blocks to make something that was 'FUCKIN EDIBLE!' while you tried to air out his apartment. You laugh loudly, genuinely for the first time that day causing Bakugou's shoulders to sag with relief. In the ten months he had been working with you he had only seen you faking a smile or laugh once or twice. Then the time after that you were absent from work the next day or two forcing him to patrol with Denki but worse yet...making him worry.

"Guess I'll grab something just in case." He gave you his back so you wouldn't see his face or the faint blush that dusted his cheeks.

"No, no! I ordered out this time. From that famous chef you like." Bakugou glares your way, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

"How much." He demands through gritted teeth while you show him the palms of your hands in surrender.

"Woah woah! It's your birthday gift! You can't pay me back for dinner! I'd sooner burn the money before I'd accept it from you!" Your watch dings with a message from Kirishima asking for an ETA. You grab onto Bakugou's hand pulling him along into a run as you shout over your shoulder.

"We're gonna be late!"

Oh how Bakugou wished you hadn't done that, he was already struggling to keep his heart beat even when you were around and now to grab onto him. To pull him along in a hurry like those cheesy insta posts that couples did on their "grand adventure" together. He swallows the lump in his throat as he reminds himself that you are nothing more than his patrol partner. His friend at best.

Even though the train was mostly empty Bakugou stood closely by you, as he always did when the two of you were in a crowded space. He had seen how most men took advantage of the situation and he hated the idea of that happening to you although he knew you were more than capable of handling it on your own. Hell you could kick even his ass but he would die before ever admitting that. Instead he watches you talk about what you ordered for dinner and how you got the cake from that bakery Sato works part time at, the same one he got your birthday cake from but he doesn't hear a word. Instead all he can see is the golden light from the setting sun worshiping you. Kissing your skin to make it glow, giving your eyes a hue that makes his heart fall into his stomach and illuminating you in a true light. A radiant ethereal thing is what you were and Bakugou was just lucky enough to be standing by you. So out of it he doesn't realize the two of you are at your stop.

"Uh Suki?" Your voice is soft paired with the setting sun has him acting weird. He leans closer to you, pulled by some invisible force before he stops himself as he watches you look up at him beneath long lashes.

"You okay?" You ask almost nervously from his proximity, the smell of spice and caramel wrap around you making you feel warm and fuzzy. Temporarily making you forget that you were trying to act on the train, making you relax as you just talked to Bakugou. He sucks his teeth as he picks up your bag to sling over his shoulder.

"Yea but you were gonna forget your whole damn purse like you always do." He huffs, this time he was the one pulling at your hand in a rush before the doors closed to trap you two on the train. His hand feels warm in yours, his grip tight as he drags you along before pulling you within his sight, another habit of his you happened to notice. Almost reluctantly he lets go of you hand as Kirishima's house comes into view.

"We better have a good time tonight patrol Princess or you owe me a special birthday gift." He laughs causing you to roll your eyes at his stupid nickname that stuck after your first day with him, adamant that the two of you take your route instead of his it was a huge argument. But it was a good thing he listened to the "princess", it put the two of you smack dab in the middle of a robbery. You stick out your tongue.

"Trust me. You're gonna have a good time!" You push him up the steps as he bats away your hands. Opening the front door before everyone jumps out of various and bad hiding spots.

"SURPRISE!!" All of the alumni of class A and some of B shout, a select few already slurring their words. Bakugou's scowl turns into a smirk before he looks over his shoulder at you.

"Aw you did this to me?" His voice is teasing but his eyes almost sparkle, you nod encouraging him to go deeper into the party. As he does people flock to him laughing and yelling out happy birthday until he's sick of hearing it. All the while your smile wanes with the night. Until an hour in that heavy episode hits you full force. Numbness setting in where happiness should be, rotting as it turns to shame and guilt as you watch your friend, your crush, enjoy his night. Bringing a glass bottle to his lips as he talks with Kirishima, who then presses a shot into his hands. Bodies dancing to the house music that beat out of the speakers competing with chatter and laughter.

It felt weird to watch everyone truly enjoying themselves while you felt low. It felt more as if you were standing outside of the house, looking in through the window to see everyone enjoying themselves, no one even knowing who you were as you stared in.

You felt distant, alone. What a shitty way to feel in a room full of people, none of it being their fault and so the guilt pressed harder. Eyes watering as they lingered on the blonde who deserved this celebration and more. Making you decide to give the best birthday gift of them all.

To slip away upstairs and onto the roof, to give the room space to breathe when you felt like suffocating.

Crying to no one but the moon.

And no one noticed. Two hours slip by before Kirishima insists that Bakugou make a wish and eat cake before everyone gets too drunk too. The entire house drunkenly sings happy birthday but Bakugou notices a voice missing. Yours that's just a touch off key, not to mention he didn't hear you say the stupid nickname 'Suki' where his name should be in the song. Plus you weren't one to miss out on dessert. For as long as Bakugou has been working with you, you never turned down the opportunity for sweets. Whether that was taking the long way back to the agency to try to catch a certain street vendor or to hover by the deserts at a party to pick the very best treat.

And if it was a birthday party, you never could shut up that y'all could not leave until after they blew out the candles and made a wish.

His eyes linger for a second longer, making sure he didn't miss you before his heart sinks. He takes in a sharp inhale, thinks on his wish and blows out the candles.

Meanwhile you hear the cheers of everyone down stairs and sob into your knees. You missed your favorite part of birthdays. Of hoping they make a wish that comes true, of watching their face as they think of something quickly or how some people tear up when they finally realize just how loved they are on their birthday.

It isn't long after that do you hear the sound of combat boots on shingles. Whipping your head up in the direction of the sound. Stomach clenching with guilt as you watch Bakugou walking towards you with a slice of cake.

"Brought ya some cake, since I didn't hear you sing off key to me." He says sinking down beside you as you furiously wipe at your tears.

"I'm-um."

"You don't gotta explain yourself to me." He snarls as you stare dumbly at your cake, "You know that."

"I know…" Silence passes slowly, the moon shines overhead and the party carries on below.

"Well, I'm waiting!" Bakugou says dramatically, "You gonna sing or am I gonna have to sing to myself?"

"Oh." It makes you giggle a bit before you blush, realizing he is serious. You take a deep breath before singing "just off key" when you don't, to him.

"Sukiiiiii!" Relief washes over his features when he hears the dumb ass name, "Happy birthday to youuuuuu!"

"Okay, now you can eat the damn cake." He grunts, his smile never wavering as he looks to the empty street below. You follow his eyes, chewing the inside of your lip, setting the cake down.

"What'd you wish for…" Curiosity gets the better of you and earns his intense gaze. He smirks, scoffing at the end.

"You always say you shouldn't tell or it won't come true." He laughs at your pout, before he finally admits "I wished for courage."

With a furrowed brow you give him a puzzled look, he just holds your gaze.

"Why? You're like the bravest hero I know!" Bakugou can hear the truth in your voice, you aren't saying it just to fucking stroke his ego.

You actually meant it, making this conversation that much harder.

"Yea except when it comes to this one thing I want to do. Its fuckin easy and I've done it hundreds of times just as I'm about to do it I fucking back down cause I'm probably fuckin reading into things too much." He leans in closer, again his smell mesmerizes you, causing your body to visibly relax, "Too much of a fuckin bitch, thinking she doesn't want me like I want her. So I wished for the courage to follow through. To fuckin' just do it."

Your heart is racing out of your chest before one of his hands finds the nape of your neck pulling you into a feverish kiss. Teeth gnashing from the passion, lips perfectly modeling to the other before tongues lightly dance around one another. Lengthening seconds into hours with just a few head tilts and plush lips. You moan into his mouth, he pulls away, eyes clouded with lust as a string of spit connects your tongues. He pants, face flushed and his hand warm, almost burning at the nape of your neck, the shingle by his hand charred from restraint as he pants out.

"I wished for you."

#bakugou x reader #bakugou birthday bash #bnha x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha au #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo #bnha imagine #bakugou birthday

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americxn · 4 years

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Run - part 2

warnings: violence word count: 2300 a/n: as requested. btw you’re all so sweet, can you hear me crying??

Kai’s grip around the back of your neck was unforgiving as he hauled you out of the car, the grit of his driveway biting into your knees as you lost your footing and fell. Hissing in discomfort, you let him pull you up, both of you wordless as you let yourself be dragged up the front steps of Kai’s house. The door was kicked open by Kai and you were shoved over the threshold, somehow managing to stay upright. You could make out quiet voices in the living room to your right, voices that fell silent as Kai slammed you to the hard wooden floor, landing a harsh kick to your ribs that left you gasping on the ground. And then you were being dragged again, Kai’s grip unrelenting as it tangled in your hair once more and you were pulled into the living room. When he let go, helping you to the floor with a shove, you were able to lift your head, meeting the cold stares of the cult members as they leered down at you, all of their faces painted with distaste. Your hands began to shake, knowing full well that the jealously and anger of the other members might well be allowed to turn physical at Kai’s order. Kai seemed to realise this too and he smirked, stepping forwards so that his scuffed shoes were mere inches away from your face. You didn’t dare move, your laboured breathing filling the silence of the room. “Let me have a turn, Divine Ruler.” One of the men to Kai’s right spoke gruffly. It was silent for a moment before the sound of skin on skin impact thudded through the room. You grimaced, looking up slowly to see the member on the floor, cradling the side of his face and Kai sneering down at him, shaking out him knuckles. “None of you get to touch her.” He hissed. “I just want you to get a good look at her and keep it in mind to compare how she looks in a few days time. To remind you,” your shoulders shook violently as he raised his voice, “what happens when you scheme against me.” Footsteps sounded down the hall at the commotion, Beverly appearing moments later in the doorway. Her eyes landed on your cowering figure on the floor, filling with desolation before quickly becoming vacant. Her face went slack, her expression becoming as uncaring as the men crowded around you. You knew she had to be careful to mask her emotions, otherwise she risked revealing that she had been the one to warn you of Kai’s pursuit of you. But the possibility that she hated you as much as everyone else in the room still stung as it cut deep. You watched in silence as Beverly’s eyes drifted across the space, slightly to the left as you followed her gaze, every thought eddying from your pain-clouded mind as your stare settled on one of the cult members. Liam. Satisfaction filled your head as you regarded him coldly, glad to find that he looked just as terrified as you felt. A little smile formed on your lips. And then your body snapped into motion, moving before you had a chance to process your thoughts. You were on your feet in less than a second and upon the boy in two, the crowd parting with a cacophony as gasps as you lunged at the boy, knocking him to the floor and clawing his face, leaving deep marks in his skin with your nails. Blood spilled instantly, dripping down his pale face in stark contrast. The others scattered and started shouting but none of the moved, too scared to interfere as you yelled in Liam’s face, managing to land a few hard punches on his face. “You lying prick,” you screamed at him as his arms rose in a weak attempt to protect himself. You felt a strong pair of arms loop around your waist and you were pulled off Liam. To your utmost gratification, his face was bloody. You bucked in Kai’s grip as he pulled you away from the trembling boy who was being helped to his feet by two other members. “Let go of me.” You snarled at Kai, fighting to turn around in his arms, wanting to hurt him too. To hurt everyone in this room. “He lied!” You declared, trying to dig your feet into the smooth wood floor as you were hauled out of the room, Kai struggling to lift you up and flip you over his shoulder as you screamed insults at him, clawing at his back as he walked the both of you up the stairs. Your fists bashed against his back in desperation, but to no avail. Kai kicked the door to his bedroom open before throwing you down on the bed, leaping upon you immediately. You were once again pinned beneath his considerable weight and he snarled at you to “stop fucking moving” as you writhed on the bed beneath him, your brain screaming at you to throw him off and go after Liam again, the boy who had lied at your expense and had gotten away with it. To spill more of his blood. “Y/N, STOP.” You stilled your movements, pulling feebly at your arms as they were pinned above your head. “He lied, Kai.” You insisted, voice trembling in rage and fear. His face was cold above yours but you caught the glimpse of uncertainty that flashed in his eyes. “Why the fuck would I want to kill you? Why would I want to lead the cult? I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that and I know that you realise too, please, Kai,” you rambled on, “Liam came to me last week asking me to help him get out of the cult and I didn’t want him dead so tried to help him excuse himself from the meetings, Kai, you know I would never hurt you, I-” “Stop,” he cut you off grimly as your eyes filled and overflowed with hot tears that stung as they worked their way down your face. “You have to believe me. Please.” The last word was carried on a sob. “I said stop.” He repeated, firmly. You fell silent, chest heaving with the force of your weeping that you didn’t try to conceal. “You’re telling me that he lied?” He spoke with a calmness that rallied the anger within you. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” You snapped at him, shrinking back into the bed at the warning that flashed in his gaze as he considered your words. “I’ve been with you for years, Kai. Years. He’s been here for a matter of weeks.” You tried to reason with him, your sobs quieting as you watched his gaze soften more and more with each word. “And he never would of accepted your offer if you hadn’t have promised him a place to stay. You know this, please, Kai.” Kai studied your tear and blood streaked face carefully and your chest swelled hopefully as his hand drifted to your cheek, caressing the side of your face softly. But then his grip tightened on your face, his hand clenching onto your jaw painfully and you winced as he jerked you head back, exposing your bare throat to him. “If you’re innocent, then why did you run?” And with that he dragged you up, moving off you so that he could tug you by your face off the bed. “No!” You screeched. “No, KAI, PLEASE.” He lugged you across the room, to his closet, pulling open the door to the small space and slapping you hard enough to see stars before shoving you in. You let out an ungodly squeal as he slammed the closet door shut, the sound of the lock clicking into place a condemnation that summoned the most primal part of you. You kicked at the door, slamming your fists against it repeatedly and pleading to Kai as he walked away, the sound of his bedroom door closing sending you into a panicked frenzy. Your fingertips bleated in pain as you tore at the door, fists throbbing as they were pummeled against the hard surface repeatedly. But it was pointless, Kai was long gone. You sat back, heaving down air as you tried to calm yourself. “Please don’t leave me in here.” You whimpered into the unappeasable darkness. What if he just didn’t come back? What if he had decided that he didn’t need you around anymore and just left you to rot. The dark enclosed space was illuminated by the borders of light around the doorway and you lifted your shaking hands into the dim light, frowning as you saw that your knuckles were bloody and swollen. Helplessness like you had never known it settled over you and your body shook violently as the events of the past two hours finally caught up to you. The sound of your cries were smothered by the darkness of the closet as you curled your knees to your body and sobbed luxuriously into your hands. ____________________________✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*_________________________________

Kai returned later that day, the light stinging your eyes as he opened the door and stared down at you blankly. You reluctantly met his gaze, your eyes puffy and face blotchy, unsure of how long you had been locked in the dark. Your gaze flicked down to his hand, seeing that he was holding a sandwich, which he presented to you, holding it out and watching you carefully as you extended an aching arm to take the plate from him. “No.” He said quietly, moving the plate out of your reach before taking the sandwich and chucking it onto your lap. You scowled as the contents spilled out of the bread, smearing onto your pants. “I don’t trust you with the plate.” He explained quietly, tearing his gaze from you as he closed the door again in your face. “You’ll probably break into pieces and use it to cut your own throat or some shit.” He muttered, his voice muffled through the door. You took a steadying breath as the darkness closed in around you once more. “Wai-wait.” You called after him as you heard his footsteps heading towards his bedroom door. Your voice was raw but he heard you, his foot falls halting. “Can I please have a glass a water?” Kai was silent as he considered your question. But then he walked the last few steps to his door. “Maybe tomorrow.” His words were cold, the sound of his bedroom door closing condemned you to silence once more. ____________________________✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*_________________________________ Kai left you in his tiny closet space for days, only letting you see light when he came to bring you scraps of food, barely enough to keep your stomach’s incessant rumbling at bay. Your tailbone burned throughout it all, forcing you to shift your position every ten minutes, making sleep almost impossible. Any sense of time had long since evaded you and you were forced to sit in your own blood, piss and tears for god knows how long before Kai finally unlocked the door, holding a hand out to you silently and helping you to your feet. You looked at him, eyes dull as you held you upright, scanning your body and grimacing at the smell of you. You swallowed, apprehension building in your gut as you anticipated his next move. His gaze softened. “It’s over now.” He assured you softly, bringing your head to his chest and embracing you tightly. You didn’t return his hug, fresh tears squeezing their way out of your eyes, wetting the front of his shirt as he held your head to him. Pulling back, he eyed you in concern as you stood motionless before him. You met his gaze. Was that...guilt? Frowning, you struggled to discern the emotions displayed on his face before you scooped you into his arms, pressing a careful kiss to your temple. You didn’t have the energy to protest as he carried you into the bathroom, setting you down on the counter beside the sink and tugging off your pants and shirt. Exhaustion clouded your consciousness and you let Kai take control, allowing him to lift you down from the counter and leading you to his shower. He helped you wash, scrubbing the piss from between your legs and the blood from your hair. Kai apologised to you before peeling off your underwear and you cringed as you became completely exposed to him, but he consoled you softly as your face flushed and you began to protest weakly. Eventually you gave yourself over to him, the need for sleep weighing down on your body. After he had washed every inch of you, you let him lead you out of the shower and wrap you in a warm towel, taking your hand to bring you to his bed. You fell asleep as Kai took up a hairbrush in his hand and struggled to work it through your knotted hair, letting you fall forwards onto the bed and making sure you were completely dry before folding the covers over you and leaving the room, allowing you to sleep deeply. You were woken up several hours later by Kai who helped to sit you up and presented you with a large glass of water, not leaving your side until you had drained the entirety of the glass. “I’m fine.” You said to him sharply as he mother-henned over you, hurrying to his dresser and finding a warm shirt for you wear as you sat yourself up, using his duvet to cover your exposed chest. But Kai really didn’t seem interested in your body as he passed you the shirt and let you pull it on yourself. You ignored him completely, scowling at the floor as you got dressed. “I meant what I said to you in the car.” He said quietly after several beats of silence as you pushed yourself to your unsteady feet. He took a glance at you as you had to take a moment to steady yourself on your feet. You knew what he meant, the accidental declaration that he had made. “Why the fuck would I kill someone I love?” The memory of this brought a glower to your face and you brushed past him as you exited the room. Without so much as turning to address him directly you bit out, “yeh? It’s going to take a hell of a lot to prove it to me, Kai.” He turned to follow you, a reply forming on his lips. But it was your turn to close the door in his face, your turn to cut off his words as you took the stairs the kitchen, a single clear thought occupying your head: Liam.

#american horror story #ahs #ahs cult #kai anderson #love #confession #reader #kai x reader #beverly hope #part 2

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goji-pilled · 3 years

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Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka.

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out.

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!!

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain?

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them so much man.

#the felix talk #IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #HDMSGDMDGSJSGEH #3.0+1.0 spoilers

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