#the moral of this story is nobody is judging you nearly as much as you think they are!

[pettyprocrastination]

If youre ever nervous about going to the gym: just know that I started my workout today by accidentally klonking myself in the head when I tried to change weights during the busiest time at the gym- saw a man see me do this and then continued on and finished my whole routine

[nom-central]

Appletun? More like appletum I wanna see

Sizing up his target, a lone charmeleon mentally reviewed his plan of action- to steal the wallet right out of this clueless person's pocket. A life of petty crime wasn't what he had in mind for himself, but the attention he’d get from his friends that he was in a gang of thieves was totally worth it to him. Plus, the extra money definitely wouldn’t hurt, it wasn’t his fault people would leave themselves open! All he had to do was prove himself, and there was no better place to do it than here in a secluded part of this park. A large appletun was having a meal at one of the tables here, lazily munching on a sandwich and basking in the sun. There was nobody else around, and they didn’t seem to be paying much attention...now was his chance! Pretending to just be passing by and enjoying the scenery he drew close to the grass type...he could see their wallet there in their jacket pocket! It was as good as his!

Before he could even make the move to snatch their wallet, their large hand grabs his wrist. "Ah ah ah~ Too predictable." He's startled, their soft voice didn’t strike as particularly threatening but their grip told another story. Their eyes couldn't be seen underneath the cute beanie they were wearing, but they had a knowing smile. “Pretty clever of you to try that, people tend to be defenseless when they’re busy eating…who sent you?” Their grip grows tighter and the charmeleon wriggles, realizing that he's just made a terrible mistake. "N-nobody sent me, I’m not with anyone! You just looked like an easy mark! I-i'm sorry, it won't happen again!" Their smile fell as they processed the fire type’s words, letting out an irritated sigh. “I’m sure I did, huh…because you've got a type advantage, right? Or was it just because I just look unassuming and defenseless?"

"L-look buddy, who cares? I said sorry! I won't try robbing you again! Just let me go!" The dragon simply hummed in thought, their thick tail thumping against the ground. "Mmmh…I don't want to waste my energy on a petty thief, it's true. Let me ask you this then…what are you stealing for? Do you really need the money?” He gives them a very confused look, not expecting to be asked why he was stealing from the person he was trying to steal from. “Uh…? I-I don't get why it matters, but it's just for infamy! N-nothin' else! The gang won't let me join unless I can prove I got what it takes, and they're so cool…I gotta join!" He gave them a nervous smile as if his story would get them to take pity on him and release him. The appletun instead scowled, their grip only getting tighter. "It's not out of necessity or for a good reason? You just want to look cool? Do thieves not have any moral codes anymore?" 

"Uh, what?"

"Well, that just goes to show you're inexperienced. Otherwise you wouldn't be trying to steal from another thief. Tell me, do you know anything about a recent robbery from a certain CEO…?” 

The charmeleon stopped his wriggling for a moment and thought about it. He DID hear about some stupid rich CEO that got robbed nearly blind, they didn’t catch who did it but the only traces of anything that were left were a few blades of grass…the calling card of one of the most infamous bands of thieves around! Rumored to be all grass types, they only target high profile people and ensure to redistribute most of what they stole….but why was that relevant? Unless… His eyes go wide in realization. There was no way…they couldn’t be. This is just a weird coincidence! Their smile grew wide, showing off their blunt, but still intimidating fangs. “Name’s Mangri, by the way. Want an autograph from a bandit leader? You think they’re sooooo cool, after all!” Their tone was mocking, and he went right back to wriggling. That was their mysterious leader's name! “Th-there’s no way! You can’t prove that! You don’t even look like-”Mangri clicked their tongue, shaking their head. “You really haven’t learned from earlier about not judging appearances, hmm? Doesn't matter if you believe me now or not, though…you'll hear soon enough. See, you've ruined my lunch with this little stunt. It's gotten all cold. Thankfully, I've caught myself something nice and warm…""H-hey, wait, you can't do this!"

“Oh, I can! Watch~" Without any further delay the dragon's other hand came and gripped him, holding him firmly in place and opening their jaws wide. The poor charmeleon didn’t have the chance to protest as their mouth clamped down over his head. Mangri took their sweet time tasting him with a smile on their face, knowing they’ve got this little fire type beat. Despite the thief's struggling, slow and thick gulps dragged them into their throat. Now about halfway down, they leaned back and hoisted him up to allow gravity to finish their work. Mangri made a pleased hum as their newfound lunch twitched his way down into their stomach, lightly slurping on his tail as they swallowed it down. Now full and sated, they leaned back and sighed happily. They rested a hand on their stomach, only a bit larger looking than before as their meal struggled within. “Let me go! If you don’t, I’ll…!” Mangri simply rubbed over the bulges his wriggles made in them, yawning. “Relax, rookie. You’re not gonna be hurt in there, but caught thieves go to jail don’t they? Think of this as your jail, just…stickier. And gurglier. You’re welcome to keep struggling though, the movement feels good~” And wriggle he did, punching and kicking and making a fuss in their stomach. However the thick walls didn’t yield, only churning and groaning around him harder and coating him in a sticky and strangely fruity smelling nectar. Eventually the dragon won, and he sunk a bit into the pool of nectar worn out.

“Geez, you tucker out quick. Reconsider being a bandit when I let you out.” “You’ll…you’ll let me go?” “Didn’t I say you weren’t gonna be hurt? I’m a dragon of my word, I’ll let you go…just on my own terms.” All of a sudden they shifted, he could feel them standing up. “I’ve got to get back to the base, the boys will be wondering where I’ve gone…we’ve got a new heist to plan, lucky you that you’ll get to sit in on it! Too bad nobody’s gonna believe you if you say anything, you’ve got no proof as belly filler~ I swiped your phone too so you can’t try and record anything, too. You’ll get it back, contrary to popular belief I don’t steal for fun and fame, unlike some people I know.” They paused as they felt him wriggle to presumably check, smiling proudly as a quiet “Damn.” could be heard over the content sounds of their stomach.

And with that they started walking, their gut growling and rocking with every step. With no other choice the thief sat in their stomach, awaiting whatever came next. Hopefully they kept their word…at least he didn’t feel hurt, the nectar was sticky and their stomach was noisy but it wasn’t painful at all. He couldn’t help but wonder…were they really who they said they were? Their skills certainly made it seem like it…

[razorblade180]

Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

[excuse-to-procrastinate]

The Rose and the Carnation

Where I come from, there's a children's song song telling the story of the carnation and the rose. It details the life of a troubled couple, who hurt each other, but stay together in tough times. I've always hated it. It's not my song. But today, I need to tell you their story and I need to to listen. Not just hear it, I mean really listen. Please.

It was not many days ago that the carnation and the rose met. There was distance between them, but that changed nothing to two flowers magnetically attracted to each other. They couldn't touch, nor they needed too. This wouldn't change a thing. The carnation, however, was an older flower, grown to spring fully, while the rose, only now forming its thorns, looked up to him. The former had something the latter wanted and vice-versa. Dangerous, the rose thought, but maybe I want danger. Besides, no matter how it looks like, I am in control here. She was far, she had her little thorns, she was certain she would be fine.

There's a strange thrill when you do something you shouldn't - things you have not nearly enough experience to do right. That's why people parkour over tall buildings. The same reason many broke their legs. You think you can stop whenever you want, that you are in control; maybe everyone else needs to be careful in a situation like this, but you don't. Then you break your legs, or your heart, or your morals, or your mind. The rose didn't expect to be picked that day, but she wanted the thrill.

And the carnation was sincere. Gentle, even. He knew what he was doing, which only makes it worse, because his partner did not. Sugar coated words, exactly what he was asked to do, would slowly cut each and every thorn the rose had. They did little more than talk, they couldn't do much else. They showed their polen to each other, they embraced, they whispered on each other's petals. But that was not a dance, as the rose wanted it to be; it was a shaking, as she was carried by someone else instead of moving by herself.

There they ended. The carnation was satisfied, but he wanted more. And those sugar coated words reminded the rose of her fallen petals. Reminded her that the dance she wanted didn't happen. That it couldn't, ever, while her thorns were pricked. So she left. She had no intention of coming back. She felt dirty, hurt, bleeding over the grass. Then she felt guilty for going through with it, and even more guilty for leaving afterwards. I owed him something, she thought. And it clawed inside her like a scar burning itself deeper.

She couldn't have said yes, even if she did. Carnation knew did, and now he became a shadow on her horizon; an intrusive thought making her cough blood. The memory of their time and how she walked into the lion's den. Now all that was sweet, like his words, also felt like his control. He intruded when she thought about the other flowers, how they'd judge her or do even worse. She cried and screamed, she bathed and tried to forget, she buried her face in her hands and then buried herself deeper into the garden, desperately looking for help.

But the rose couldn't ask for help, because she felt like she asked for it. Or that it was too small, too fast to justify her tears. But help was what the rose needed. She had to say something and she had to listen to the trees, the bees, and the queerest beasts say it was okay; that she could cry and that she did nothing wrong. That the rose would be okay.

But it's not that easy, is it? Or you would've already have heard her story. You didn't, though. Nobody but she did.

And it might stay that way for a while, until someone listens to her. Not just hear it, but really listen. That's her song.

[eolewyn1010]

For the fic asks: 2, 13, and 7 (for Primum non nocere) 😁💙

2: Do you focus on attention to detail when you read fics? Are you more or less attention to detail focussed when you write fics?

I usually don’t pick up on the details on the first read, but chances are pretty high that I read everything twice anyway, so yeah, I do focus on detail eventually... or the details are so blatantly wrong / inconsistent / annoying that I pick them up on the first go, then they might bother me too much to even try a second read (I’m a nit-picker, deal with it). Still not nearly as much as when I write - that’s because I more often than not write historical fanfic, and I’m a stuck-up little historian who likes to stick to her “canon”. You wouldn’t believe all the shit I researched just to make sure one line or even one word can be used in my context, even though nobody will ever check up on it, nor (most likely) even notice. In the end, it makes me feel better about my writing.

7: Were there any ideas you had for [Primum non nocere] that you couldn’t make work? What were they?

I once wrote a scene with Anni, well, making a scene to Martin because she's torn between “wHAT the FUCK are you doing with my baby brother??? because of YOU he's not NORMAL” (she was raised that way) and “you saved his life and I'll always be in your debt for it”, but the way I developed the dynamics between Martin and Anni, that’s just not their mutual treatment now. Initially I planned for Anni to stay distant and reluctant to have Martin around. Went a much calmer, long-term way instead. They lowkey came to be friends on the basis of having to trust each other because they have no one else to rely on, and at this point she’s much too busy questioning what the fuck SHE has been doing the past years, so she’s really done judging her brother and Martin who she knows are both good people. I like how things are now, but the original scene had some well-written dialogue, and it reflected on the moral damage Anni’s generation had taken due to their upbringing.

Other than that, I briefly entertained the thought of Martin and Otto bundling up Karin and fleeing the city with her while shit goes down 1944 - Martin thinks of that wayward possibility for a moment in chapter 20 because the attic is too dangerous; that’s basically the remnant of that idea. Stuck with canon instead, but I might write a little AU oneshot sometime with our boys sneaking through the forests towards Bavaria in the middle of winter with a toddler, just for all the sweet, sweet angst.

13: Do you prefer writing multi-chapter fics or single-part fics? Do you prefer reading multi-chapter fics or single-part fics?

That depends very much on my mood. I have a lot of ideas for fics that would require multiple chapters to tell them the way I want to, but, well, that needs energy and attention. Single-part fics are “easy” to write, I can crank them out on a whim and they don't make me feel too bad about not having a beta.

As for reading - lately, I mostly read single-part fics simply because I don’t have much of an attention span, but that’s a real shame, too, because I love multi-chapter fics and people taking their sweet time for character development. To everyone who bothers to write a multi-chapter story, I love y’all and appreciate you. I just need the right state of mind to read it all.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - One Angry Princess

There’s two halves to this episode. The first is a well constructed, if over simple, mystery for the kiddos to solve. The other is a failed attempt at being ‘deep’ and ‘mature’.  

Summary: Attila is finally opening up his own bakery, but people generally don't want to stop by because of his scary helmet. The next day, Monty's Sweet Shoppe is destroyed, and Attila is arrested. He is about to be banished from the kingdom, but Rapunzel makes an appeal to investigate the matter further. 

The Episode is Meant to be a Homage to 12 Angry Men, but Misses the Point of the Original Film

So for those who haven’t seen the movie, (though really you should) 12 Angry Men is about a jury trying to decide if an accused person is guilty of a violent crime. At first the evidence seems clear, but one lone juror refuses to vote guilty until the evidence has been gone over again. One by one he convinces the other men to vote not guilty as they each have to face they’re own personal biases.

Sound familiar? 

In the show Rapunzel is the sole believer in Attila’s innocence despite evidence to the contrary. She insists on investigating herself while challenging everyone else’s personal biases. 

The difference?

12 Angry Men is a hard hitting look at how privilege, prejudice, and cognitive bias can interfere with the American judicial system. None of the jurors are named, but they are all middle class, presumably Christian, white guys. And that is the point. They are all different from the accused; a young, poor, arguably non-white teen (the play is intentionally vague about the kid’s race so that you can slot any minority in there) who has a history of getting into trouble. If you were to change the ethnicity, race, gender, class, or age of any of the 12 characters then you would suddenly have a very different story. It’s their backgrounds and pre-formed opinions that inform their decisions. Even the main protagonist is not exempt from re-examining his own personal biases. 

Meanwhile the writers of Tangled: the Series are too busy showing off how clever Rapunzel is to actually deal with the themes of injustice and bigotry that they added in themselves in the first place.

Rapunzel Knowing Attila Before Hand Weakens the Message

In 12 Angry Men none of the jurors know the accuse. In fact, they can’t know him. It’s against the law. In order to have an impartial jury, no one can have any ties to either the defendant or the prosecution, and they must not have knowledge of the case or have had specific experiences that might cause them to be biased or unfair. 

Rapunzel being Attila’s friend means that she already has her own bias and an invested interest in making sure Attila goes free. She’s not acting out of the simple goodness of her heart here. She’s doing something that directly benefits herself. 

I don’t expect a children’s fantasy show to recreate the US judicial system with all of the complexities there in, but I do expect it to uphold it’s heroine as the selfless person it claims her to be. Yet the show constantly undermines this supposed character trait by only having her help the people she befriends, and only if that help doesn’t require anything emotionally challenging or mentally taxing from her.   

How much more powerful would this episode be if Rapunzel was defending a stranger or someone she actively disliked? Imagine if it was Monty who was being accuse and Raps had to swallow her pride in order to do what is right. But that would require the show having Rapunzel actually learn something instead of placing her on a pedestal. It would also mean giving Monty a reason to exist rather than keeping him around to be a convenient red herring.      

Rapunzel Shouldn’t Have to Prove Attila’s Innocence 

Rather than have a courtroom drama the show opts to have a ‘whodunit’ story instead. This unfortunately gives the implication that Corona’s judicial system runs on a ‘guilty until proven innocent’ mantra, which is backwards to any humane legal system. ‘Innocent until proven guilty’, ‘reasonable doubt’, ‘due process’, are the cornerstones of our modern social ethics. 

In 12 Angry Men, we never find out if the accused actually committed the crime or not. That is because his actual innocence isn’t the point of the story. It’s about whether or not the system is working like it should or if it’s being compromised by human error. 

Once again, I don’t expect a recreation of the US judicial system, but if you’re writing a story for a modern audience then you need to reinforce modern morals. Simply crouching Corona’s legal system as ‘of the times’ or ‘fantasy’ while ignoring why we no longer have such systems in place reduces the story to puerile fare. 

It also means that show’s writers didn’t put enough thought into their world building. 

No One Calls Out the Obviously Corrupt System 

The show has interwoven throughout its ongoing narrative themes of classism, injustice, abuse, and authoritarianism, but then fails to follow through on those themes by not having any of the protagonists actually examine any of these issues. They just sit there in the background, even as the show tries it darndest to present Rapunzel as an arbiter of reform. However a person can’t bring about change if they can’t even admit that there is a problem to begin with.   

In this episode alone we have

Banishment is considered a reasonable punishment for an act of vandalism. A crime that is usually considered only a misdemeanor unless the damage goes over a certain amount. Keep in mind that not even most felonies would be given such a punishment in the real world

Introduces the prison barge that regularly carries away convicts. In the past ‘undesirables’ would be shipped off to prison colonies as a form of persecution. Attila and every other person we see subjected to Corona’s legal system are of a lower class. 

Many prejudge Attila based off his appearance, lower class, and past upbringing. However, it is either Attila who is expected to change or Rapunzel who is expected to win people over. At no point is anyone told that they shouldn’t be prejudiced to begin with. 

There is no judge, jury, or lawyers. The king alone decides the fate of criminals, the Captain is expected to be the both the prosecutor and the ‘executioner’, which is a conflict of interest, and the defendant has no one to represent them unless they so happen to know a kind statesperson. Meaning you have to be either rich or well connected in order to even have a chance to defend yourself. 

Oh and there’s this...

Uh, yeah you do. You’re the flipping king. You make the law. You’re the one to bring charges against Attila, and nearly every other criminal in the show, in the first place. 

The show constantly wants us to view Frederic as simply an everyman who is only doing his job, but he’s not. He’s a ruler and as such he has powers and responsibilities that no one else has or ever will have. The series gives both him and Rapunzel all of the privileges of being in charge without holding them to account for the consequences of their actions. 

By not pointing out how wrong these actions are, the show winds up avocating them instead. When I call Tangled the Series authoritarian, this is why. Because authority is never questioned even when clearly wrong and nepotism is presented as the solution to conflicts as oppose to being the problem itself.

The Show Introduces Complex Issues but Then Oversimplifies the Conflicts Surrounding Those Issues

The creators of the show have constantly declared that the series is ‘not for kids’. That they were shooting for an older audience than the pre-school time slot they were given. Now ignoring the fact that Tangled was always going to have a built in audince of pre-teen girls and ignoring that children’s media can be mature, TTS lacks the nuance needed to viewed as anything other than a pantomime. 

As stated before, this episode alone ignores the very real issues interlaced within the conflict in order to give us an overly simple mystery that anyone over the age of five could figure out.  

It’s frustrating to watch the show constantly skirt towards the edge of complexity only to see it chicken out and go for the low hanging fruit instead. As a consequence the series winds up being for no one. Too shallow for adults and older teens, but too confused in its morals to be shown to small children and younger adolescents. 

I wouldn’t recommend this show to a parent, not without encouraging them to view the series either before or alongside their child in order to counteract it’s ‘lessons’ and I know parents within the fandom itself who’ve stopped showing newer episodes to their kids; stating that they want their child to be old enough to point out the harmful messages to before doing so. 

Once Again No One Learns Anything 

Rapunzel doesn’t learn that the system is flawed. Attila doesn’t learn to open up to people. Nobody learns to treat people with respect and to not judge others based on appearances alone.

The whole point of the episode is to just show off how much ‘better’ Rapunzel is than everyone else. The show constantly feels the need to tear down other characters in an effort to make its favs look good as opposed to just letting the mains grow as people. 

Conclusion

Tangled the tv series is no 12 Angry Men. It’s no Steven Universe/Gravity Falls/Avatar:TLA/She-Ra/Gargoyles/Batman:TAS either. It barely reaches the same level as the likes of DnD, Sonic SATAM, or Voltron. Interesting ideas but poor pacing, build up, and lack of follow through, with some naff decisions thrown into the mix bring things down in quality. And unlike the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon from the early 80s, TTS lacks the benefit of being a pioneer in the field of animation, where such flaws are more forgivable. 

[the-desolated-quill]

It’s Summer And We’re Running Out Of Ice - Watchmen (TV Series) blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I’m not going to lie. I was incredibly sceptical going into this. This isn’t the first TV adaptation of a classic novel to go beyond the source material and try to continue the story, and they nearly always suck (see The Handmaid’s Tale and The Man In The High Castle). There’s a reason why books end where they’re supposed to end. If the author intended to carry the story on, they would have done so. This is why I get angry when the TV industry arrogantly oversteps the mark and try to continue a plot that has already come to a satisfactory conclusion. Doing a sequel to Watchmen, a story that hinges on the ambiguity of its ending, is just utter madness to me, and allowing Damon Lindelof to write that sequel borders on moronic at first glance. This is the man behind the TV series Lost, a show that ran out of steam within the first couple of episodes due to the fact that the plot was complete and total bollocks and the fact that nobody could be bothered to come up with satisfying answers for these ludicrous mysteries and series arcs beforehand. They were just making that shit up as he went along. Now you’re handing Lindelof the keys to one of the most intricate and detailed comic book properties of all time?! Fuck, why don’t you just let JJ Abrams direct the next Star Wars mo- Oh yeah, I forgot, he already did that.

Thankfully, judging by this first episode anyway, HBO’s Watchmen is nowhere near as bad as Lost. It’s certainly far more engaging and coherent. Does that mean I’m looking forward to the rest of this season? Well... I don’t know if I’d go that far. I’m definitely intrigued though.

HBO’s Watchmen is a sequel to the graphic novel (Lindelof called it a remix, but come on. Grow a pair and call it what it is. A sequel). Superheroes are still illegal, Robert Redford is now the President, Rorschach’s death has inspired a white supremacist cult, and it’s raining squid.

Yeah, the raining squid thing feels like the only egregious bit of fanwank in here, to be fair. Maybe they’re going somewhere with this, but I have my doubts. Are we supposed to assume that Ozymandias has been making squid rain for the past thirty odd years in order to keep up the whole alien invasion ruse? Why squid rain? And why is everyone so nonchalant about it? Shouldn’t people be just a bit concerned by this, considering what happened in New York?

Speaking of Ozymandias, we see him riding a horse and writing plays for his butler and maid in some fancy mansion. Quite what the significance of The Watchmaker’s Son is, I don’t know. All I do know is I’m not going to be able to sleep at night without thinking about Jeremy Irons’ thighs from now on, so thanks for that.

Putting my cynicism aside for a moment, I do like what Lindelof is trying to do here. He’s not merely cashing in on the Watchmen brand. There is a genuine effort to do something fresh and different with this material, and I commend that. Watchmen’s central theme has always been about power, but whereas the source material focused mainly on its relation to sex (Comedian’s hedonism, Nite Owl’s impotence, Rorschach’s mummy issues and the sexual objectification of Silk Spectre), the TV series seems to be zeroing in on race as a topic. This I applaud. Expanding on certain areas that the graphic novel only ever really touched upon is a great idea. This doesn’t feel like a repeat of the graphic novel, but rather a clarification of it, exploring areas and themes that Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons may have overlooked. This helps set this series apart from the outset. 

The opening scenes where we see the Tulsa Massacre of 1921 is a pretty harrowing way to start. I’m ashamed to say I had no idea about the Tulsa Massacre prior to this, and we could have a whole other discussion about why schools seem to have been avoiding teaching specific topics like this in favour of the broad strokes of the Jim Crow era, but now is not the time. The fact that it’s depicted here sets the stage for what’s to come. Some have criticised the show for the length of time the opening focuses on Tulsa, claiming that it sensationalises the pain of black people at that time. I personally don’t think it does. It’s not overly graphic or gratuitous, at least in my opinion, but it is a very shocking way to open a series. Some might say even upsetting, but I think it’s important that we saw this because it’s relevant in setting the tone for the episode and indeed the season as a whole, as well as letting the audience know that this show isn’t going to fuck around or shy away from more sensitive topics, and I can respect that. Unlike Zack Snyder’s overly stylised adaptation from 2009, Watchmen the HBO series is grounded very firmly in reality.

Let’s discuss characters. This episode mostly focuses on Angela Abar, also known as Sister Night. Regina King has given some terrific performances in the past and this is no exception. She’s simply phenomenal. The way she switches from light-hearted wife and baker to violent, no nonsense vigilante cop. The shift is noticeable and yet both personas feel like they’re aspects of the same character. It’s exceptionally good. It also helps that the character herself makes for a great protagonist. Having survived the ‘White Night’ four years prior, where the Seventh Kavalry attacked the families of forty Tulsa police officers in response to the government giving special reparations to the victims of racial injustice, Angela has become cynical and battle hardened. She has no sympathy for Kavlary members and is willing to skip due process by beating one of them to a pulp and bundling him in the back of her car. She’s angry and in pain, and yet retains the audience's sympathy. I’m interested to see what happens to her over the course of the season.

I also really liked her friendship with Don Johnson’s character Judd Crawford. Johnson is a charismatic performer and Crawford is a charismatic character. He really dives into the olde western sheriff persona and seems to be having a lot of fun with it. Crawford is the only other character, besides Angela, who stayed on as a police officer after the White Night, and the two characters seem to have a great relationship. They laugh and joke around and there’s clearly a mutual respect between the two. I genuinely like this character, which is what makes his murder at the end so much more heartbreaking. Not to mention all the little details that force us to realise he may not be what he seems. We see him sniff cocaine in private and there’s a photo on his desk featuring the kid from school who aggressively asked Angela why black people deserve reparations. It doesn’t necessarily mean that Crawford himself is racist, but there’s clearly more going on with him that we don’t know about.

The final character of interest at the moment is Tim Blake Nelson’s character Wade Tillman, aka Looking Glass. We don’t know anything about him yet other than he’s a human lie detector, which I find very intriguing and I hope will be explored further as the show goes on. There’s a lot to play around with there, and the moral implications are tantalising. A conviction based not on physical evidence, but rather on the observations of one man. Even Sherlock Holmes has to back his deductions up with evidence, and yet Looking Glass clearly doesn’t need to. That just raises so many ethical questions. What if he has a particular bias towards someone? What about burden of proof? What if forensic evidence contradicts him? If Looking Glass is supposedly that accurate, does that mean the police will side with him regardless? It’s a great premise for a character and I really like Nelson’s performance, giving him a cold and detached personality that contrasts beautifully with Angela’s.

The characters and ideas are solid, however where I feel the show is lacking is with the consistency of its world building. Let’s analyse. This is an alternate history where Nixon used superheroes to extend his term limits, but after the New York attack at the end of the graphic novel, he’s been kicked out in favour of Robert Redford (nice nod to the source material there by the way. lol). As a result, black people got reparations for the racial injustices their ancestors went through and police are now unable to openly carry firearms without special permission from Panda (literally a cop wearing a panda costume). However, after the events of White Night, the government agrees to allow cops to wear masks to protect their identities, hence why quote/unquote ‘superheroes’ like Sister Night and Looking Glass are around despite the existence of the Keene Act. These are, in effect, legal vigilantes. Except already there’s a problem with conflicting messages. I like the idea of masked cops. In the current age of Black Lives Matter and police accountability, it makes sense and could be interesting to explore. However this is hindered by the whole ‘no guns’ stuff. Again, not a bad idea. America’s current gun laws are, to put it mildly, woefully inadequate. What if we went the other way? What if not only was it near impossible to own a gun, cops couldn’t even use a taser without special permission. Both ideas could work... but not at the same time.

Cops being allowed to wear masks creates the effect of empowering them through anonymity, and runs the risk of officers overstepping the mark and normal citizens being unable to hold them to account. But on the other hand, we’ve also got cops whose lives are constantly at risk and who are hindered in their duties by an overprotective nanny state, which effectively depowers them. So... which is it? It can’t be both. I like the scene where Panda reads the law about how the use of firearms can only be permitted in extreme circumstances, and everyone just angrily shouts him down because it tells us how the police feel about this new system. The fact that they’ve made one cop the sole arbiter of these new restrictions and forced him to dress like some ridiculous furry demonstrates the sheer amount of disdain they have towards this policy. But having said that, with the masks on, they have the power and freedom to break into people’s caravans and basically kidnap and assault them without consequence anyway. So what the fuck are they complaining about? It just doesn’t gel together. Either have it that the rules and regulations of the police are the same as our world except that cops can wear masks now, which has led to an increasing problem of police brutality and corruption, or have it that the police are being too heavily restricted and so a few have chosen to turn toward more ‘unorthodox’ methods of crime fighting out of frustration. Pick one and go with it.

Then there’s the Seventh Kavalry. Again, not a bad idea. In fact I love it. A white supremacist cult that’s taken Rorschach’s journal as gospel and have banded together out of a fear of being sidelined in a more liberal world. Very relevant and very interesting. Except... well... there’s not an awful lot to it, is there? In the original graphic novel, there was no clear bad guy. Ozymandias believed he was doing the ultimate good by killing millions of people to save the world, and everyone reluctantly went along with it. It was morally complicated. This, not so much. They’re unambiguously evil. The end. So what? What is there to discuss? It just feels lacking compared to the graphic novel and it runs the risk of creating a conflict that’s too clear cut. Obviously we’re going to end up siding with the cops, regardless of what they do, because the alternative is objectively bad. Hopefully Lindelof is going somewhere with this, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I was slightly concerned.

So on the whole, would I say I enjoyed this first episode? Well... I’d say I did, but with reservations. There’s some good characters and ideas that could be interesting to explore and develop, but its execution feels a little shaky in places. Hopefully the episodes to come will offer further clarity.

[dfroza]

lost & found things

this is what we see in Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament book of Luke in chapter 15:

Jesus became increasingly popular among notorious sinners—tax collectors and other social outcasts. The Pharisees and religious scholars noticed this.

Pharisees and Religious Scholars: This man welcomes immoral people and enjoys their company over a meal!

Jesus (with another parable): Wouldn’t every single one of you, if you have 100 sheep and lose one, leave the 99 in their grazing lands and go out searching for the lost sheep until you find it? When you find the lost sheep, wouldn’t you hoist it up on your shoulders, feeling wonderful? And when you go home, wouldn’t you call together your friends and neighbors? Wouldn’t you say, “Come over and celebrate with me, because I’ve found my lost sheep”? This is how it is in heaven. They’re happier over one sinner who changes his way of life than they are over 99 good and just people who don’t need to change their ways of life.

Or imagine a woman who has 10 silver coins. She loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the whole house, and search diligently until that coin is found? And when she finds it, doesn’t she invite her friends and neighbors and say, “Celebrate with me! I’ve found that silver coin that I lost”? Can’t you understand? There is joy in the presence of all God’s messengers over even one sinner who changes his way of life.

Once there was this man who had two sons. One day the younger son came to his father and said, “Father, eventually I’m going to inherit my share of your estate. Rather than waiting until you die, I want you to give me my share now.” And so the father liquidated assets and divided them. A few days passed and this younger son gathered all his wealth and set off on a journey to a distant land. Once there he wasted everything he owned on wild living. He was broke, a terrible famine struck that land, and he felt desperately hungry and in need. He got a job with one of the locals, who sent him into the fields to feed the pigs. The young man felt so miserably hungry that he wished he could eat the slop the pigs were eating. Nobody gave him anything.

So he had this moment of self-reflection: “What am I doing here? Back home, my father’s hired servants have plenty of food. Why am I here starving to death? I’ll get up and return to my father, and I’ll say, ‘Father, I have done wrong—wrong against God and against you. I have forfeited any right to be treated like your son, but I’m wondering if you’d treat me as one of your hired servants?’” So he got up and returned to his father. The father looked off in the distance and saw the young man returning. He felt compassion for his son and ran out to him, enfolded him in an embrace, and kissed him.

The son said, “Father, I have done a terrible wrong in God’s sight and in your sight too. I have forfeited any right to be treated as your son.”

But the father turned to his servants and said, “Quick! Bring the best robe we have and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. Go get the fattest calf and butcher it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate because my son was dead and is alive again. He was lost and has been found.” So they had this huge party.

Now the man’s older son was still out in the fields working. He came home at the end of the day and heard music and dancing. He called one of the servants and asked what was going on. The servant said, “Your brother has returned, and your father has butchered the fattest calf to celebrate his safe return.”

The older brother got really angry and refused to come inside, so his father came out and pleaded with him to join the celebration. But he argued back, “Listen, all these years I’ve worked hard for you. I’ve never disobeyed one of your orders. But how many times have you even given me a little goat to roast for a party with my friends? Not once! This is not fair! So this son of yours comes, this wasteful delinquent who has spent your hard-earned wealth on loose women, and what do you do? You butcher the fattest calf from our herd!”

The father replied, “My son, you are always with me, and all I have is yours. Isn’t it right to join in the celebration and be happy? This is your brother we’re talking about. He was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found again!”

The Book of Luke, Chapter 15 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 23rd chapter of the book of Job:

Job confided to his friends.

Job: So once again you are telling me my complaint amounts to rebellion,

that the heavy hand I feel upon me is smothering my groans?

Would that I knew where to find Him.

I would appear before Him.

I would lay my case out before Him;

I would fill up my mouth with arguments.

And then I would finally learn how He would answer me,

and I would understand what He tells me.

Would He oppose me merely with His great power? Surely not!

Surely He would show me the respect of listening to my argument.

There, in that courtroom, a moral man might hope to reason with Him,

and I would escape my Judge forever.

Alas, wherever I go, ahead or behind,

He is not there;

I am unable to find Him.

When He works on either side of me, I still cannot see Him.

I catch no glimpse of Him.

But He knows the course I have traveled.

And I believe that were He to prove me,

I would come out purer than gold from the fire.

My foot has been securely set in His tracks;

I have kept to His course of life without swerving;

I have not departed from the commands of His lips;

I have valued everything He says more than all else.

He alone is one True God; who can alter Him?

Whatever He desires within Himself, He does.

For He will carry out exactly what He has planned for me,

and in the future there are more plans to come.

Therefore, I am deeply troubled before Him;

when I ponder it at any length, I am terrified of Him.

Yes, God has melted my courage,

and the Highest One has overwhelmed me with His terror.

He could have turned me aside when the darkness came,

but He did not cut me off.

Nor does He hide my face from the gloom that has now overtaken me.

The Book of Job, Chapter 23 (The Voice)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, April 30 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons that looks into our “rest”

It is written in our Scriptures: "Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and he will bring it to pass" (Psalm 37:5). In this verse, the word translated "commit" comes from the Hebrew root galal (גלל), which could be rendered as "roll away" or "heap upon" (the word gal means a heap or pile of stones). The LORD spoke this word when He said to Joshua, "This day have I rolled away (galal) the reproach of Egypt from off you" (Josh. 5:9) and named the place "Gilgal" (גִּלְגָּל), a word-play meaning a wheel or "rolling away." In great mercy the LORD "rolls away" the reproach of our sin.

The word galal can also mean to trust or to commit, with the connotation of "rolling one's trouble" away from oneself upon someone else who can help. Thus the Messiah entrusted (galal) His suffering unto the LORD (Psalm 22:8), and we are likewise encouraged to "commit" (galal) our way to his loving will. When we trust in His love, when we "roll away" the burden of our lives to His care, our thoughts will be "established" and we can freely enjoy the confidence that God Himself is directing our way (Prov. 16:9, Psalm 37:23). We can then experience genuine rest and shalom, despite the tumult of the world and its tribulations.

As the Lord Yeshua cried out, "Come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28), so may we come, rolling away our burdens unto Him, and having our way established in His shalom (1 Pet. 5:7; Psalm 55:22). Amen. [Hebrew for Christians]

4.29.21 • Facebook

Today’s message from the Institute for Creation Research

April 30, 2021

Jehovah

“And, Thou, Lord, in the beginning hast laid the foundation of the earth; and the heavens are the works of thine hands.” (Hebrews 1:10)

The primary name for God in Scripture is the majestic name Jehovah, occurring nearly 7,000 times. The early Jews were reluctant to use that name for fear of using it lightly (Exodus 20:7) and substituted the word Adonai (meaning Master or Lord) in its place. Our English versions have followed suit, using the term “Lord” for Jehovah (small or all caps to distinguish it from Adonai, or Lord). Thus, the name Jehovah appears only four times in the King James and causes us at times to miss the full impact of the passage.

This is especially true in the New Testament quotations from Old Testament passages that used the name “Jehovah” for which “Lord” has been substituted. Now in the English versions the name “Lord” appears. If “Jehovah” (i.e., deity) were read instead, much richer meaning would be gathered, and it would prove beyond a doubt the full deity of Christ. Consider two examples.

First, our text quotes from Psalm 102:25-27. The entire psalm consists of praise to Jehovah, and here in Hebrews it addresses the Son. If we read “thou, Jehovah, in the beginning hast laid the foundations of the earth” and realize that Jesus is the subject of the passage, we recognize that Jesus can be none other than the Creator God.

Also, in Matthew 3:3, where John the Baptist fulfilled his prophesied role by teaching “Prepare ye the way of the Lord,” quoting from Isaiah 40:3, we see Jesus equated with the Jehovah of the Old Testament, for Isaiah uses the term LORD, or Jehovah.

In these and many other examples, we see Christ as the Jehovah Jesus and that the Lord of the Old Testament is the Jesus of the New Testament. JDM

[thewondersomethingorother]

I’m getting a wild need to put out some Pokemon thoughts and no one is here to tell me to stop so really it’s society’s fault anyway let’s get to business-

-With the last few generations, I’m becoming convinced that certain Pokemon from other Gens aren’t really native to the regions we thought they’re from. Like, Eevee are supposedly SUPER rare in Kanto, and since they’re Gen 1, you assume they’re from there, but in Gens 6 and 8, you can just FIND the little buggers in the tall grass. I have a team of Eevee evolutions based off of Magical Girls because of that (we’ve come a long way from the days where we got the one and had to REALLY think about how we were going to evolve-I’m kidding, it’s Vaporeon. The answer was always Vaporeon). Same goes for Chancy, which you can just find in Gen 8 no problem, no Safari Zone hunting FOR DAYS here. 

-I’m mostly going by the logic of the games since I’ve never played the card game and I haven’t really watched the show since Ash was in Sinnoh but; we need to dial it back on the Legendaries. We’re getting a little overstuffed here and if the next gen games want to only have, like, -2(?!)- then I’m fine with that. It’s less that I’m some crusty older player upset that Legendaries aren’t as spectacular as they used to be or someshit, but more I’m just getting TIRED of all the lore. Can we just have some overlap at some point? A good CHUNK of them are irrelevant anyway. Like, who cares what Hoopa’s deal even is? Or Heatran’s? A handful of them have been pains-in-the-ass event ones that didn’t even really do much and were hyped through the movies (don’t tell me Celebi was worth getting, I don’t believe that. At best it’s cute and that’s it). 

-As far as Bad Guy Teams go? Don’t nobody tell me Cyrus wasn’t the biggest problem out of all of them. Team Rocket? Pokemon abusers and bad guys, sure, but also basically the mob; at best they tried to take a radio tower and a train. Teams Aqua and Magma? Eco-Terrorists and indeed nearly caused actual irreversible damage to Hoenn, but at LEAST thought they had the moral high ground. Plasma? Same thing but were also just PETA. Skull? A bunch of disillusioned b-boys and their boss just looking for places to pose. But Cyrus?! He tried to mess with reality. He led a cult of fanatical bowl-cuts to steal dangerous technology, create massive explosions to suss out powerful Pokemon and use the power of those Pokemon to steal the powers of stronger Pokemon who were in charge of Time and Space. All because he never totally “got” emotions and decided he was going to start his own reality, with blackjack and hookers. While all the other Bad Guy Team Leaders hammed it up with the best of them, Cyrus just stared and judged like a damn cat. He’s high-grade creep and I still enjoy the story in Platinum, just to see him try to intimidate Pokemon Satan, just because he thought he could pull it off. 

-I actually like the gimmick that seems to be a trend now in each region having a different battle gimmick. Kalos had Megas (which are still the best btw, bring back Megas), Alola had Z-Moves (which were...fine) and now Galar has Dynamax, which I find cool on the basis that it turns Pokemon battles into kaiju battles and that’s neat. If Gamefreak can keep this up, I’m going to be genuinely interested in where they’re going to go in future Gens. 

-I’m also a fan of how they just, straight up ran out of Japan. Like, the first 4 regions were just based off of parts of Japan, which was cool because I got to learn what the real world parallels to stuff in the games were, until the developers either ran out of places to base regions off of or just got bored and decided to start making them based off of other places in the world. I know I’m not the first to say this, but that decision really served to open up the whole world of Pokemon, and now we get to speculate what the next region is going to be based off of and the kind of story potential that could have. I remember being so excited for Gen 5 when I found out that it was not only going to be based off America, but specifically the East Coast, and even more specifically, the general NYC/ NJ area (you can’t tell me Undella Town isn’t Cape May). Ever since then, I’ve been seeing fun fan-made regions based off of places like the Midwest, Russia, Mexico, and so many more. 

winding down now...possibly more to follow. 

[themuffinbee]

Lore Olympus Novelized, Chapter 2

First Chapter

I decided to combine chapters 2 and 3 since they basically flow into each other anyway. Plus, we get to the action faster :)

For the most part, I will be sticking pretty heavily to the source material in this little writing exercise. However, I may change a few minor things to better suit a prose retelling of the story, like maybe adding small actions/gestures or tweaking a bit of dialogue here and there. Hope you enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------

“I don’t think I should have come to this party…” Persephone said through the stall door, tugging down the hem of the dress yet again. No matter how she adjusted her clothing, she couldn't find a way to make the darn thing stop riding up her butt.

Loaning Persephone an outfit had been a great idea on Artemis’ part since the two of them were pretty close to the same size. Well, close to the same size, with one important exception: Artemis was curvy, to be sure, but Persephone was curvy. She could breathe all right, that part was fine. However, it was obvious that the dress didn't fit the way it should. It was just one more thing to add to the teetering stack of worries she had built up on the drive over to the Panathenaea, her earlier optimism now shriveled up and gone.

She was going to make an embarrassment of herself, she just knew it. 

“Come ooon." Artemis' voice echoed off of the sleek bathroom walls. "You look fantastic!”

Persephone attempted to smooth out the bunched-up fabric at her hips, wincing at the contrast of her calloused hands against the shimmering material. Even her fingernails looked unsophisticated, cut short and stubby so it would be easier to clean the dirt out from under them after working in the fields.

With a sigh, Persephone leaned forward and peered through the gap under the hinge. "I feel out of my depth...everyone’s going to think I’m some stupid village girl.”

“Nobody’s going to think that," Artemis said, unconcerned as she reached down to adjust the strap on her heels. "Come on, I don't want to talk to a bathroom stall all night." 

Persephone cracked the door open and peeked at her cousin around the edge. "Artemis, I'm really nervous…" 

"Awww, Persephone. You'll do fine. We'll stay under the radar." Her cousin sounded sincere enough, and Artemis didn't tend to attract too much attention to herself anyway. 

Persephone poked her head out a little farther. "One drink and then we can go, right?" 

"Promise." Artemis nodded.

One drink. That shouldn't take too long, she could handle that.

With a final steadying breath, Persephone smoothed out her borrowed dress, attempted something close to a smile, and ever so confidently said, "...Okay."

----------------------------------------------------  

"One drink and then I can go, right?" Hades cast a sidelong glance at his youngest brother.

Zeus looked at him as if he had sprouted three other heads. “What? No, no, no, no! The festivities have just begun!”

The festivities had been underway for a good hour and a half, but Hades knew there would be no point in arguing with Zeus. He’d spared no expense this time around and was obviously proud of his work. The floor under their glassed-in suite was awash in all matter of nymphs, gods, and demi-gods, a sea of celebration roiling in time to swelling music. Aerialists drenched in technicolored light swung on swathes of silk above, while a vast variety of libations flowed without end among the cheering crowd below. Hell, it looked like people were even starting to crowd surf over in the far corner. It was, by all accounts, a damn good party.

Too bad Hades couldn’t find it in himself to enjoy it.

“What’s the problem?” Poseidon asked, handing Hades a glass of scotch. “Normally you would be drinking us under the table.”

“Oh, he’s got blue balls because some nymph dumped his sorry ass,” Zeus answered.

You little shit.

Hades rolled his eyes and set his drink on a side table without tasting its contents. “Can you please not talk about my balls? Or my ass, for that matter?”

“‘Can you please not talk about my balls? Or my ass for that matter?’” Zeus mimicked in his most morose tone, furrowing his eyebrows and pressing a dramatic hand to his chest. Then he shot Hades a shit-eating grin and pointed at him. “That’s what you sound like.”

Before Hades could decide if he wanted to bestow a response to his brother’s terrible impersonation, Poseidon twitched and stiffened as he looked down into the crowd.

“Zeus…” the Sea God said through gritted teeth, the faint outline of shimmering scales beginning to show through his skin, “...did you invite Odysseus?!”

“Of course!" The shit-eating grin on Zeus’ face took on a fiendish glint. "You know, Poseidon, you’re just too entertaining when you get mad.”

Not for the first time that night, Hades found himself wondering why they put up with His Royal Pain in the Ass. As the father of the blinded Polyphemus, Poseidon was still more than a little sore about Odysseus stabbing out the Cyclops’ only eye. Granted, the Cyclops had been trying to eat the King of Ithaca at the time, so Hades sided more with his great-great-grandnephew’s point of view over that of his nephew’s...point of view.

Poseidon probably wouldn’t have appreciated that pun. Perhaps it was a good thing Hades wasn’t in the mood to annoy his brothers with bad wordplay tonight.

The Sea King thumped a fist against the glass and pointed at the wide-eyed sailor. “Yeah, Odysseus! MOVE ALONG!”

And move he did, with a start and a jolt, right into…

It took a moment for Hades to comprehend what, or rather who, had just encompassed the entirety of his vision. At first, his brain could only process parts of what he had seen before assembling them into a whole. Pink hair and skin as bright and rosy as the sky just before the break of dawn. A falling drink dissolving into a spray of petals in midair. Next, a pale gold dress that, wow, left nothing to the imagination, and—

It was then, as she sank to her knees among the tumult of revelry, picking up the scattered petals, that he saw her eyes. Sadness, one reaching far beyond that of a simple spilled drink, resided there. Judging by the look of inexplicable hopelessness on her face, it had probably been there for some time.

After a couple of unsuccessful attempts at forming a sentence with his stuttering tongue, he managed to ask, “W-who...who is she? She’s...”

The word merely echoed around in his head as his vocal cords failed him.

...Beautiful.

His pulse began to pound through his veins with a beat loud enough to rival the music blaring through the speakers over the dance floor. His fingers seemed to move on their own accord and pressed into his chest, as if they could somehow reach through his rib cage to calm his racing heart and ease the sudden ache constricting his lungs.

“Who, Pinky?” Poseidon asked.

Hades’ vision expanded to once again include the rest of the party around the mystery girl, now accepting a helping hand from Artemis as Odysseus turned back around to offer his apologies.

"P-Pinky?" He glanced back towards his brother, translating his words from sound to meaning at a snail's pace. 

“Persephone, she’s Demeter's daughter,” Poseidon continued. “She’s the Goddess of Spring."

Hades rested his forehead against the window, the coolness of glass grounding him to reality as he began to collect his scattered thoughts. This reaction wasn't…normal. No, not normal at all. He squinted out into the crowd, now doubting what his own eyes had seen. Surely this Persephone couldn't be so beautiful to warrant his earlier moon-eyed staring. It had to be a trick of the light, paired with some kind of romantic desperation after the disaster with Minthe.

Only one way to know for sure.

Reaching into his jacket, Hades pulled out his glasses, cleaned the lenses with his gloved fingers for good measure, then practically shoved the spectacles onto his face. All too aware of his brothers’ sudden silence and intense stares, he grabbed his scotch off of the table, attempting to recover at least the appearance of composure. Taking a nonchalant sip, he searched the lower level for a splash of bright pink.

She wasn't hard to find. Even in the multicolored mob, she stood out like a rose in a snarling mess of brambles. His improved clarity of vision only confirmed his first assessment: she was still gorgeous, perhaps even more so than before. It had been foolish to think that his mild nearsightedness could be to blame for what he had seen. He could feel himself getting sucked in again, unable to look away as she waved a stilted yet gracious goodbye to the unnerved Odysseus. 

“Demeter’s daughter, you say?” he asked, absently spilling some of his drink out of his forgotten glass. Any pretense at composure had flown out the window as soon as his eyes found her again. “I didn’t even know she had a daughter.”

Hearing his own voice made at least part of Hades’ brain wake from its stupor, though he still stared after her. None of this made sense. “Hold on. How come I’ve never seen her before?”

“It’s...complicated.” Zeus took a swig of his fizzing wine and thought for a moment. “But, basically, Demeter doesn’t like the way I run things. So, she opted to do her duties in the Mortal Realm. Apparently, I’m 'morally corrupt.' Whatever that means.”

Hades nearly rolled his eyes at the air quotes discernible in his brother’s voice, but that would mean losing sight of the Goddess of Spring for half of a second. It wasn't worth it. 

“So, for the most part,” Zeus continued, “she raised Persephone in the Mortal Realm. I’m surprised Demeter let her move to the city, to be honest. She’s always been super protective of Persephone.”

I can’t imagine why.

Expressive features…sleek, short-cropped hair…big doe eyes…curves for days wrapped up in that incredible dress…there shouldn’t be a way for someone to be such a mix of beautiful, sexy, and adorable. Looking around, he was surprised she didn’t have a string of would-be suitors following her around. Did no one else have eyes?

“Honestly,” Hades said as he folded his glasses to stuff them back in his jacket, “I think she puts Aphrodite to shame.”

His brothers grinned, elbowing one another in the side at this unexpected development, and for the first time that night, Hades smiled.

----------------------------------------------------

“Honestly, I think she puts Aphrodite to shame.”

… Honestly, I think she puts Aphrodite to shame… 

… Honestly, I think she puts APHRODITE to shame… 

The words went round and round in Aphrodite's head, seething just fifteen feet behind the oblivious jerk that spoke them into existence. 

Why? Why did they always do this? Some lovelorn dope sees a pretty girl, and obviously she must be compared to the Goddess of Beauty herself. Every. Single. Damn. Time.

And this time it wasn’t even some stupid mortal who had never seen her in her full glory. It was Hades of all people! One of the three Kings!

Ugh! The nerve.

This could not stand. Aphrodite needed to make an example out of him. Now. No, better yet, a certain someone needed to make an example out of him. Finish what he had never started months ago.

Yes. Perfect.

Aphrodite’s fingers flew across her cell phone’s screen, dropping her favorite disgruntled cat gif into the chat. She was going to give him five seconds before she called.

Five...Four...Three...Two—

‘What’s wrong, Mommy-kins?’ came Eros’ response. ‘Party no fun?’

What a good boy. 

Aphrodite tapped out her reply, ‘Get over here.’

‘No can do, this orgy isn’t going to coordinate itself.’ Followed by a string of sunglasses smiley emojis. ‘I wore a really cute polo shirt…’

‘The salmon pink one?’ She bet it was. That one went so well with his complexion.

‘YUUUUUS! I’M THE CUTEST!’

‘I love that one!’ Aphrodite added a heart-eyes emoji at the end, to show she was supportive. ‘Polo shirts aside, I still need you to get your butt here.’ Snorty face emoji, to show she was serious.

Then she closed the app and sighed. She loved her son, more than almost anything in any of the realms, but he needed to learn a few things about priorities. And a lesson. He needed to learn a lesson too.

As did Hades.

Next Chapter

[byeoltoyuki]

Waste it on me ⇾  jjk

⇨ Since I’ve lost everything I’m reposting…

↳Pairing : You x Jungkook

Genre : Fluff / Angst / Gang au

Words: +21k

Warnings: Some serious stalking , kidnapping, violence

Summary : Being a journalist, you were familiar with the concept of taking risks and pushing your limits to get the best story. But when a gangster by the name of Jungkook tries to involve himself in your quiet, safe personal life, you are forced to reconsider the limits of your comfort zone, your boundaries, your morals and even your feelings.

***

You should have known it smelled like trouble from the moment you got woken up at six in the morning on a Saturday, by one of your closest friend, Sora. You dragged yourself out of bed, grumpy as hell, ready for a murder and the killer vibes grew only bigger the moment you opened the door and faced your friend.

"You've got to be kidding me." You groaned in frustration but before you could even snap at her and strangle her, she pushed you out of the way and got inside the flat, uninvited.

"Y/N, I'm in big trouble. " Sora announced, her hands ruffling restlessly her hair in frustration. “I fucked up big time."

"Again?" You sighed in defeat as you tied tighter your dressing gown.

Sora let a groan of frustration escape her lips as she threw her arms in the air before slumping into the couch.

You eyed her for a moment, contemplating the idea of kicking her out of your flat or be a nice and understandable friend and listen to her, of course you chose the latter.

"What have you done again?"

"Can you not insist on the again please?"

"No. You know I'm right."

Sora buried her face into a pillow and muffled a scream with it, then she snapped her head and looked at you. For a moment, the young woman did not say a word, instead, she stared and tried to choose wisely her next words because she knew how you would react otherwise. "Fine. You remember the article the Boss asked me to write?"

You thought for a moment, being a journalist, you had your own share of articles to work on but then you remembered the conversation. "The one about the gang? What was their name again?” You paused and tried desperately to remember –you never really cared about gangs because you considered them like the worst of the trash of this world. “Don't tell me you accepted it?!"

By the look Sora gave you, you knew that she did. Of course she would. Sora had the terrible tendency to get into trouble and to stick her nose where she should not and this time was not an exception. Of course the Boss had told you about the story too but you categorically refused, it was way too dangerous. But Sora could not resist, could she now?

"I can't believe you! Can't you stay out of trouble for once?" You scolded her and pinched her arm

"But Y/N! It's a nice story to write! I couldn't possibly say no!"

"Nice story? Are you kidding me? Do you know what kind of gang they are? It's way too dangerous!" But then you stopped scolding her because something caught your attention. The moment you had started scolding her about the danger of this stupid article, Sora's eyes lowered, she was hiding something. "What else have you done?"

Sora kept her mouth shut into a thin line, looking at you with so much guilt and regret. “What have you done?” You repeated calmly yet it sounded terribly scary.

"I...I went to a club to meet with Jun and ask him for information. He tried to dissuade me, just like you but you know me. So, he showed me a guy, one of the member of this gang."

"No." You cut her in the middle, knowing exactly where it headed. "You did not do that. Please tell me you didn't flirt with a potential drug dealer, or worse a killer?"

Sora bit her lips and shut her mouth.

This girl was going to be the death of you!

"Sora!! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking! But Y/N you haven't seen him! He was so stupidly hot!"

"What kind of logic is that?!"

Sora's body cringed at your reaction and all the scolding, the young woman knew she was in the wrong and didn't know what to say for her defence.

You sighed in defeat. Sora and you had been friends for years now, meeting during your studies, you had spent all of your college years together, studying journalism, and even getting hired at the same place. It had its perks to work together, you shared your sources, worked even together on some articles, proofreading each other. You were both extremely different from each other and yet you clicked. But there was still, after all these years, one thing that absolutely infuriated you was how selfless Sora could get.

“Was he worth it at least?” You finally gave in, after all, there was nothing you could do anymore to prevent Sora from getting herself even more involved in this mess.

Sora grinned widely before answering, “More than that.”

The second time you hear about this stupid gang story was barely two weeks later when once again Sora barged at your place -at a reasonable time at least this time, a suitcase at her side and a rather worried and desperate look on her face. You quirked your brow at her, suspiciously, wondering what she had done again -something probably bad enough for her to bring her suitcase over. You did not let her time to explain, not this time, as you pushed the door to slam it right into her face but Sora was faster and put her foot, blocking the door.

"Please." She begged and did her best puppy face.

"I'm so going to slap you so hard one day." You threatened her, nevertheless you gave up and let her slip inside the flat. "You better start talking. Leave no details."

But before Sora could do so, you let her settle in the spare room, helping her despite the disapproving look on your face.

It was only later, both of you sat on the couch, blankets and pillows scattered all around you, drinking hot chocolates and watching a random TV show. The atmosphere was relaxed and almost normal if it was not for the explanation you were still waiting for.

"So? What now?"

Sora's eyes darted between her cup and you, tracing slow circles on the cup, gathering her thoughts before coming up with a proper reply. "I saw Taehyung again." You frowned instantly and she hurried to add, "Don't scold me yet!"

You put your cup back on the table, partly because you were done drinking and partly because you knew you were about to lose control and you would need your free hand to deal with whatever Sora had done.

"Keep on."

"So, you know how I took photos of the documents in his flat? I went to the place of their meeting, I was discrete I swear but it wasn't enough. Clearly." Sora put her cup back on the table too, before looking back at you. "Taehyung tried to contact me but I tried to avoid him until one night. I went to a club and saw him and I don't know, I lost it." She grabbed her head between her hands. “At first, it was fine. We talked, had fun, but then, he clearly saw through me. He saw me that night. And suddenly he didn’t seem like a very fun and nice guy, you know? He scared me but I managed to get out.”

“How?”

“I kicked him. It took me completely off guard and I took the chance to run away.”

“Nice but probably very stupid too.”

You grabbed a pillow and pressed it harder against your chest, trying to absorb all the information and find a solution for Sora. Taehyung had tricked Sora with such ease, you had never seen him, but without a doubt he was not someone to mess with. “How long do you think you will stay at my place?”

“I don’t know. I really want to work on this article. I think writing about this gang will be great for my career.”

“It will. If they don’t kill you before.”

“I know. And since Taehyung clearly caught me red handed, I need to go into hiding which means I can’t even go to work.”

“Does he know where you work?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t stop him from finding me.”

You nodded, approving her reasoning for once but before you could work on this, her phone rang and she froze on the spot at the name appearing on her screen. Kim Taehyung. Sora glanced at you, panic written all over her face, she refused to even touch her phone as if it could burn her.

It was going to be a long night.

For a whole week, Sora stayed at your place, pretending to be sick, you covered for her at work, and at the same time you helped her to get as much information as you could about the gang. It did not take you long to find out who Sora was dealing with. BTS was the second biggest gang in Korea. Throughout the years they gained so much power in the whole country, whenever it was their territory, people, they even managed to get their hands on politics and even police. Of course your boss would want to write a story about such an influencing gang but it was stupid, dangerous and pure suicide. They would never let it go or let them live at this point. Why did Sora need to get involved in this mess, seriously?

One night, you tried to find out more about the members of this gang. The key-word being 'tried', without success. It was almost funny how popular this gang was and yet there was nothing about their leaders. Nobody knew about them, what they looked like or even names. It was odd and terribly alarming. Which lead you both to realize that you still knew nothing about Taehyung and his position in the gang.

“You can always pray that he’s some little worthless shit.” You said, trying to sound comforting, but really, your voice did not sound convincing even to your own ears. Sora raised her head from her laptop and looked at you, her gaze intense behind her glasses, judging you silently. “Or he might be one of the leaders.”

Sora only groaned, just like you, convinced that Taehyung was probably the latter knowing Sora's luck.

***

As much as Sora wanted to stay at your place and hide from the world, she had to get back to work eventually and you both knew it. But what happened on a Friday night nearly surprised you.

Just like any other nights, you got back from work, but feeling a little bit more excited than usually because you knew that someone was actually waiting for you with probably some yummy foods. The perks of having Sora crashing at your place was definitely her cooking skills. No more takeout or instant noodles, here came real food. You were grateful for that.

Just like you had thought, the place smelled of roast chicken and something else that you could not pinpoint and you did not really have time to dwell on it because the moment you got in the living room, a very familiar suitcase caught your eyes. You stopped right in your tracks, frowning at it, before glancing at the kitchen.

“Hi there.” You sniffer the delicious smell coming out of the stove.

“Hey! You’re just on time, food is almost ready!”

“What’s up with your suitcase? Are you finally leaving?” You could not stop yourself from asking.

Sora stiffened a little at your words, halting from cutting some more vegetables before glancing your way. “Yeah. I can’t hide forever, can I?”

“I don’t mind having you around. But yes.”

You knew Sora did not tell you everything, maybe scared of your reaction, maybe thinking about how to break the whole thing to you. For once, you decided to help her. “I promise; I won’t get mad.”

“Why would you even get mad?” Sora hurried to ask. “Not like I did anything bad.”

You quirked a brow at her, not fully believing her.

“It’s not as bad as you think.” She finally said. “I’ve met with Taehyung.”

“Then it’s even worse than I thought!”

“I couldn’t possibly hide forever! So I confronted him. We had met for a coffee and talked. I actually met two other guys from the gang.” Sora actually shivered at the memory. “I thought Taehyung was scary but damn his friends are so much worse.”

“What did he say?”

“We made a deal. I give up on the article and they leave me alone.”

“Did you really buy it? They would never leave someone off the hook just like that.”

Sora nodded her head, approving your words eagerly. “I’m pretty sure they will follow me around for a while. But Taehyung, I think despite being a hot mess, I can trust him. He gave me his word, now I need to keep mine.”

“And will you? Will you really give up on the article?”

Sora looked straight into your eyes, her gaze being intense and deep and with so much determination that you realized there was no way the young woman would give up on the article.

If anything else, this mess only boosted her confidence.

No matter how much you hated her stubbornness, there was nothing you could do except bracing yourself for a storm that coming your way.

****

The first time you ever heard of Jeon Jungkook happened two weeks later and it was really confusing, amusing and a tiny bit awkward.

Ever since the situation with Sora and BTS occurred, you did not have time to go out and have fun but things were about to change when one night both of you decided to have a girls’ night. A nice restaurant before crashing at your place and watch some movies in pyjamas and face masks. The kind of night you were looking forward to. Except, it did not really go as planned.

Not at all.

The restaurant you chose happened to be one of those fancy restaurants where it was expected of you to be dressed decently if not classy and chic. The restaurant was pricey but from time to time, you loved to spoil yourself and Sora happened to feel the same about it, so here you were, drinking while chatting loudly, laughing at stupid jokes, relaxing and enjoying the food. Until Sora’s face paled at the speed of the light, her eyes growing wide, staring at something behind you. Something or someone. You wanted to turn around but Sora grabbed your hand tightly, forcing you to look at your hands instead.

“What’s wrong?” You muttered just in case someone nearby would hear you

“We either keep calm or we run.”

“What?”

But before Sora could answer, her grip on your hand got suddenly awfully painful, you winced and tried to free yourself. Until a deep voice echoed from behind you, sending shivers down your spine.

“Fancy seeing you here, doll.”

Sora let go of your hand almost instantly, her eyes glued at the man now standing beside you. By the way your friend reacted, you guessed that the man was no other than Kim Taehyung, the very hot and dangerous gangster. You knew he was hot from what Sora had told you, you just did not expect him to be that hot. It bothered you to no end but then, your eyes fell upon another figure standing just behind Taehyung. Your blood froze and so did your brain, you were absolutely stunned by the man. He looked a little younger than Taehyung, but he was another handsome mess with black hair, dark doe eyes and a terribly attractive mole under his lips.

What a sight.

“Hi Taehyung.” Sora finally gathered the courage to answer and yet her voice betrayed how nervous she actually was.

Her voice brought you back from the little staring-eyeing moment and your eyes darted back and forth between your anxious friend and a smug gangster –actually they were both smug.

“Oh, I forgot. This is Jungkook, a friend of mine.” Taehyung pushed Jungkook before him and no matter how hard you tried to resist, your eyes could not help but go back to staring at Jungkook.

“Mind if we join you? We’d love to have such nice company.” Taehyung sure knew how to charm people, with his face, his voice and his smile, it was almost impossible to refuse anything to him. Except, you knew who he was and this sole thought made you resist him.

You looked at Sora and then back at them. There was no way in the world you let them stay with you. You put your napkin back on the table before looking their way.” Sorry, not interested. Now get lost? Thank you.”

Sora looked at you, first scandalized at your words, but then admiration crossed her eyes and you knew that she loved you a little bit more at that moment. Taehyung, on the other hand, looked positively surprised at the turn of the events while Jungkook looked unfazed, if not bored.

“That was rude.”

“Your face is rude. Now, can you please leave us?” You snapped, forgetting for a second who he was. “It had been months since I spent a quality time with my friend, so please, leave.” You added much calmer this time.

If Taehyung was offended, he did not show any of it. His ego was undeniably bruised with your words and Sora feared what he could do in revenge, but surprisingly, he let it go. “Fine. Doll, how about you call me later, hm?”

“Sure.” Sora hurried to answer but her eyes told you another story.

“Then, ladies. Have a nice night.” Taehyung bowed lightly, making Jungkook roll his eyes, before they decided to finally leave you alone.

“Phew, that was intense.” Sora relaxed on her chair.

Too soon.

Just when you thought, they had left, a presence behind your back made your hair stand on your neck in fear and panic. Someone leaned over you and before any of you could react, you felt a warm breath just above your ear.

“Nice girls shouldn’t lie.” You shivered at his breath, at his voice and at how he put his hands on your shoulders, squeezing them just enough to freak you out, just enough to make your body go weak. The combination of his voice and his touch terrified you, the insinuation behind his words made it only worse.

And just like that, he left. His words hung in the air, troubling both you and Sora, especially their meanings. Did Jungkook realize you lied? You hoped not, otherwise your own life would take a turn you were not ready for.

“Bunch of hot messes.” You muttered under your breath, frustrated at how weak and small he made you feel with just few words. You were not the kind of woman to lose control and even less against a man. Against a kid. Bloody hell.

You poured yourself some more wine before drinking it in one go.

“Did you know they would be here?” You finally asked your friend, glaring at her suspiciously, the now empty glass in your hand.

“The hell. I would never follow them.” Sora started but one unconvinced glance from you made her think again. “At least not when you’re with me. I mean, clearly I have a thing for danger but I would never drag you down with me. Not on purpose at least.”

After that, there was a moment of silence between you two, both processing what had happened. Sora thought about a plan, of what she would do next, why you on the other hand thought about someone.

“The other one. Jungkook. He was kinda hot.” You admitted quite seriously

Sora stared blankly before bursting into a laughter along with you.

***

After the encounter with Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook, you got back to your normal life, almost forgetting all about the two men. Almost. Sora was back at work too, unhappy though since she had to officially give up on her article –she had sulked for hours in your office, randomly screaming at how it was unfair and how she could not believe the boss chose to give this article to her worst nemesis. Fair enough, you thought and yet you preferred her to work on something less dangerous.

The screen of your phone lightened, causing you to look away from your article and check the phone instead.

"Hi babe. Are you free tonight?"

You cringed hard at the babe, you hated those pet names but you could not really complain. It was hard enough to find a decent man nowadays, in addition to that, your work consumed much of your free time too, leaving nothing for dating. Just like many, you ended up trying the blind dates. Of course, you regretted some, having your own share of bad dates, but then you had met Jaehyun. He was a lawyer and had a rather good sense of humour that matched with yours. It had been two months now and till this day you still did not know whenever you were in a relationship or not. Did you even want to be with him?

Things were going pretty smoothly with him, you saw him regularly and genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. But a something had been creeping up on your mind lately. Or rather someone. You could not stop thinking of Jungkook at the weirdest times. You wondered why that happened and your mind played tricks on you where you thought you recognized him when it was a totally other person.

Over the next two weeks, there was not one day you did not think of Jungkook, in one way or another: the smell of a stranger's perfume that reminded you of his, a shirt you planned on wearing before remembering it was the one you wore when you met him. Even seeing a damn rabbit on TV reminded you of his face. All of those small things made you realize slowly that no, he was not a simple thought at the back of your mind, not anymore. The boy had a bigger impact on you than you had initially thought and you were not sure how to feel about it. So maybe entertaining the idea of a relationship with Jaehyun was not the best option and yet it sounded like a much needed distraction.

Fuck it.

You taped quickly a reply, hoping not to regret it later.

“I’m in.”

Except, it did not turn into a date but rather a party between his friends that you did not have a chance to meet yet. Maybe it was his way to show you off or maybe he wanted to finally announce your relationship, either way you did not feel at ease. Going out was one thing, spending times drinking at a bar with loud music and surrounded by people you did not know, made you uneasy and a little anxious.

“Hey Y/N, do you want something to drink?” Jaehyun asked, his attention back on you along with his hand on your back, rubbing gently in circles. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“I’ll go for a beer. And yeah sorry about that. Had a long day.”

Jaehyun let go of your back as he handed you the battle of beer. Were you disappointed by the turn of event? Definitely. But at least he paid for the drink and for that you were still thankful.

From your place, you observed his little group of friends composed of four more men probably of his age and two young women. They seemed lively and rather nice but the disappointment was just too strong for you to really enjoy your night.

Until Jungkook happened.

While you were sipping quietly on your beer –barely listening to the people around you, someone at the bar finally caught your attention. Someone you had been trying to forget, to get rid of your mind for the past two weeks. Jeon Jungkook, out of all places he could have chosen, sat at the bar with a glass of whiskey busying himself with a girl glued to him. What a sight you thought bitterly.

Just like in your memory, he looked terribly and annoyingly handsome in black, black turtleneck jumper, black leather jacket with black jeans and his hair pushed back, leaving his forehead at sight. He looked effortlessly perfect and for a moment you wished you could just dump Jaehyun and his friends and join Jungkook instead. What a bad idea. Get a grip on yourself girl!

Unconsciously you bit your lips hard, pulling at it as your eyes kept roaming all over his body, taking all of him, memorizing every small details like for example how the rings on his hand that held the glass, stressed out his veins or how he scrunched adorably his nose, laughing at the girl’s joke.

You got pulled out of your thoughts and jumped in surprise when a voice called you.

"Y/N? My friend should be here any second"

"Oh...Right, cool." You responded, engrossed in your staring, before turning back your eyes to the subject of your distraction.

Your eyes met with a pair of warm brown ones that caught you completely off guard. Jungkook had finally noticed you and was now staring just as intensely, his eyes piercing you. The feeling of weakness, just like the first time you had met, was back and you could not find the strength to hate it. It was absurd, he was dangerous, a gangster and yet. He brought his glass to his lips, smirking as his eyes never left yours. But then, something you could not fully understand crossed his eyes and the next thing you knew, he grabbed the girl beside him and made her sit on his laps, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

Jeon Jungkook played a game, a game you refused to lose and even better you refused to play. You slapped yourself mentally, reminding you that he was bad news and that you did not want to have anything to do with a gangster. Quickly you emptied the rest of your bottle of beer before standing up and grabbing Jaehyun by his collar and crashing your lips against his. It was rushed at first, unexpected for him, but the moment you bit his upper lips, asking for more, he let you do. You sighed in delight, your arms wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer to you as your fingers pulled lightly at his locks. His strong arms instantly found their place on your hips, pressing you even harder against him. Whatever you had previously on your mind was long forgotten as Jaehyun kissed you back with probably as much passion and eagerness, making you moan into the kiss.

Someone beside you whistled, followed by a Get a room!

Reluctantly, you parted from him, your lungs screaming for air, but the butterflies in your stomach remained, a huge grin on your face as you had slowly let go of him. He had a similar smile on his face, your lipstick stuck at the corner on his lips. You reached for his face, wiping your lipstick with your thumb.

Maybe in the end you did not mind spending a night at a bar with Jaehyun and his friends, seeing how your body positively reacted to the kiss. Suddenly, all your doubts and insecurities about Jaehyun vanished.

"Wow." Jaehyun whispered, his grin growing only wider, his eyes twinkling while looking fondly at you.

You thought about putting some space between you two as his friends' comment still rang in your head, but Jaehyun did not care, not anymore, not when you had finally opened up to him, showing openly your interest, instead he pulled you at the empty space beside him, your thighs pressed against his, his hand rested comfortably on your thigh, not high enough to mean something, but enough to make your heart flutter.

And yet, you glanced one last time back at the bar. Jungkook was gone and so was the girl.

Whatever. You rolled your eyes and this time you let Jaehyun's friends a chance and concentrate on their conversation, taking even part of it, Jeon Jungkook long forgotten.

****

"One hazelnut latte in grande, please." You ordered during your lunch break. Maybe having a latte for lunch was not the best but it was your guilty pleasure and you could certainly not refuse it.

The morning was long and hectic, your current article was much harder to work on than you had initially thought; maybe writing about corruption and a well-known and loved senator was not the best choice but after witnessing his true self you could not close your eyes and ignore it. So here you were, overworking yourself, trying to use all your network but it was taking time and you did not know how much longer you could actually last without your boss kicking your butt.

"Here." The waiter handed you the drink with a smile. "Have a nice day and see you tomorrow?"

You laughed heartily because he was absolutely right. "See you tomorrow."

The simple interaction with the waiter put back a smile on your face.

It did not last.

As you got outside, ready to cross the street as soon at the light turn green, you raised your head and froze on the spot, eyes widening. You had thought that after the failed date at the bar, you were done with the madness that was Jungkook but no, he was still driving you crazy. Did he make such a strong impression you thought of seeing him nearly every day or was it just a product of your imagination?

It was not.

At the other side of the road, hands tucked in his pockets, cap on his head, stood Jeon stupid Jungkook, looking back at you. It was ridiculous how in the span of some seconds you had lost all of your ability to think, to talk. Jungkook stood there, staring at you with such intensity, with such a predator look in his eyes and you could not help how your stomach tightened in response to his eyes.

You gulped, feeling almost uneasy and yet your ego refused to show any of your weakness, instead, you held his gaze, defying him in a way –or maybe you were just waiting for his reaction.

Everything happened in slow motion, just like in a movie, the world suddenly seemed to have slowed down around you until there was only the two of you. You wondered if you were supposed to show some sign of recognition, maybe a wave your hand to say hi or maybe simply smile. You did none of that. The moment you took your decision, a bus drove before you and the next moment Jungkook was once again gone.

I’m finally losing it. That’s it. He couldn’t be real. You need to drink less coffee and sleep more girl. You tried to convince yourself that exhaustion had finally made you snap and lose your mind but a little voice told you that this Jungkook was not a part of your imagination after all.

When you got back at your office, you found a sulking Sora, slumped in her chair, head pressed against her desk, she looked absolutely defeated and terribly angry. You wanted to tell her about the encounter but forgot all about it the moment the young woman sighed.

“What’s up? Why the long face?” You asked and sat beside her, poking gently her sides to make her react. “Stop sulking, you’re not a kid.”

“It’s Sungyeol! He’s pissing me off!” Sora suddenly straightened in her chair and grabbed you by your shoulders, squeezing it hard enough to make you wince and fight back. A useless attempt. “Ever since the Boss gave him the mission, he has been snobbish and arrogant and-“

“Typical of him.” You stopped her in her rant. “And you know that. So why are you bothered?”

“I don’t want him to succeed! Not after I had failed and got myself in trouble.”

“Be the mature one, please. Ignore him, you’re better than that.”

Sora sighed in defeat and finally let go of your shoulders. You knew exactly how she felt since you too, was not very fond of Sungyeol –this man’s ego was bigger than the moon.

“Speaking of trouble.” Sora started, her voice suddenly low and shaky. “Taehyung paid me a very nice visit.”

“What did he want?!” You almost yelled before slamming a hand over your mouth and regaining your composure. “I thought you had a deal?”

“He wanted to know about you and how much you know.”

“I hope you told him I know nothing.” Which was a big fat lie now that you thought about it but he did not need to know that.

“I did.”

“Did he buy it?”

“Probably not.”

Crap. I’m doomed.

And you certainly were. Heart pounding against your ribs, your vision got blurry for a short moment, breaking out in a cold sweat, before finally came the chills. It was one thing knowing that your friend got somehow involved with a gang, it was another one to know that they were interested about your whereabouts too. You hated it and you feared of what would come next.

Sora’s hands covered yours, rubbing your knuckles gently; she did not need to ask to know your thoughts.

“Breathe.” She whispered, “I know you don’t like it. I know it scares you but you know, despite Taehyung being an ass, I actually believe him when he says we’re safe as long as I keep my part of the deal.”

“Then what the fuck Jungkook was doing at the bar?” You groaned and yet, you grabbed Sora’s hands and gripped them tightly.

“What are you talking about?”

Until now, you did not think too much into it, but knowing that Taehyung had asked about you made you realize that maybe seeing Jungkook twice was not a coincidence after all.

“I’ve met him at a bar not two days ago. And today when I came out of Starbucks, I saw him too.”

“That’s weird. I’m sure it was nothing and you’re overthinking.”

But even Sora did not believe her own words.

***

No matter how strong, stubborn and relatively down to earth you were, you could not stop from slowly losing your mind. It was one thing stressing over something -an article for example-, but it was a whole new story when one of the biggest gang in Korea had suddenly taken interest in you. It confused you at first but soon those feelings turned into something else, something worse. The more you looked for information about the gang, the more you realized how your safety had been compromised. The gang had done so much, so many bad things that would keep you awake at nights. But you did your best not to think about it, not to give in to the fear that had slowly been eating you from inside. You wanted, despite knowing the risks, to lead a normal life, without having to look behind you in the street, without having to worry what could happen to you. At first, it worked, or at least you somehow convinced yourself that you were fine. You kept going to work, interacting with people, you even went to few dates with Jaehyun, but it did not last.

It was one week after the conversation you had with Sora, one week after seeing Jungkook for the last time, that you started noticing the changes. You could not tell if your fears had finally won but you felt the changes with all your being. You did not feel safe any longer whenever you were outside -alone or with someone-, you would constantly feel eyes preying on you. It started with your hairs standing on your arms, knees getting weak and shaky, your mind screaming for you to calm down and to be rational; it was all your imagination.

But was it really? Or were you trying to convince yourself?

Then came the odd noises at night, noises you never paid attention to. Were they always there or was someone outside your door, waiting for you to make the wrong move?

Sora was of course the first to notice the change in your behaviour. One morning she brought a huge cup of coffee with cookies and made you talk. It was easier than you thought and you felt even better afterwards.

"Y/N, don't let your fears jeopardize your life. I get it, a gang is watching us but hey, is it even weird? I mean, how many times did you receive threats for what you wrote?" Sora tried to comfort you on her own way. She had a point.

"Once or twice."

"Did you change anything because of that?"

"No. Yes. I mean, I was careful for a few day."

"The situation here is fairly similar. Taehyung warned us nicely so I don't think we're in any kind of danger."

If only it was true.

You regained confidence for about six hours. Six happy hours, fear free. Until when you got back to your place.

After a long and rather good day, there was nothing better than to get into the comfiest clothes and make some hot chocolate. You put some music, relaxing as you moved in your living room, halting at the small balcony you were lucky to have. The weather was getting cooler and without a doubt winter was around the corner; a season you were not particularly fond of.

You sighed in delight, enjoying the moment, steam coming out of your cup and warming up your face. What made things even better was the fact that you lived in a very nice and peaceful neighborhood, far from the troubles of the city. At least till tonight.

A movement from under the street light near the entrance of your building grabbed your attention. It was past eleven and the streets in your area were completely empty, so why would someone stand just under the street light? It did not feel right. Your mouth felt dry and your heart thumped painfully as panic rose within you.

At first, you did not react, not fully. It had to be your imagination and the stress from the past days. Why would anyone follow you? It did not make sense. You’re going mad, girl! You tried to ease your mind. But then, the figure moved again and raised its head, looking straight at your balcony. You could not see the person’s face because of the darkness, but there was no doubt, this person was looking at you and you did not like it one bit.

Gathering your courage, you refused to give in, not while the person was looking at you at least. Instead, your grip around your cup tightened, your head up, you turned around and went back to your flat, making sure to close the door behind you. Only then, your legs gave in. You fell on the floor, your cup shattered in pieces, spilling the hot chocolate on the floor –but it did not matter.

I’m losing my mind.

You thought things could not get worse. But it did.

You were getting home after a small detour to the grocery store; it had been a long and tiring day and all you wanted was a bottle of white wine with some snacks. Maybe for once you should have refrained yourself, maybe you should have ignored your cravings and maybe it would have avoided you another painful encounter.

The grocery bag swinging in your right hand and the other one tucked warmly in your coat’s pocket, you were getting back home, just five more minutes of walking and you would reach the safety of your house, far from the cold and this annoying humidity. What was five minutes?

And yet, it became the five longest minutes of your life.

Steps echoed from behind you. Slow yet steady steps, following your pace. Your whole body froze, rooted to the spot, as alarm bells rang in your head. Not again! You thought, irked with the situation. Despite your anxiety, you could not help but feel the urge to turn around and to snap at the person, you were sick and tired of feeling threatened and followed every single day, you wanted your life back. But then, you remembered who probably you were dealing with and it calmed you down.

You looked at both sides of the road before crossing it carefully. Once on the other side, you resumed to walk at a decent pace, a few minutes later though, you frowned and turned around to look behind you. You were surprised when you saw nothing, you had expected to find someone on the pavement but there was nobody.

As soon as you get inside your building, you did not wait for the lift, too scared that the person that had been following you could manage to get inside the building despite the code, instead, you went for the stairs, running for your life. It was only when you reached your flat, slamming the door loudly behind you, your hand gripped tightly on the knob, you let yourself slid on the floor, panting, heart in your throat, you were terrified.

Despite you feeling numb, you gathered the strength to look for your phone in your bag, only one thought in mind: warning Sora.

“I’m being followed.”

And the reply came almost instantly.

“WHAT?! Are you ok?!”

“Yes, yes. Scared as fuck but I’m fine. Just, I don’t know what to do?”

“Have you seen the person?”

“No. I pretended not noticing the person so I could at least get home safe. I didn’t look behind.”

“This is nuts. Do you want me to talk to Taehyung? They can’t threaten us like that!”

“No. Don’t. I’m scared it will do no good.”

“I’m still going to kick his stupid ass the next time I see him.”

***

You sneezed for the tenth time this morning. December showed you no mercy and just like many others you caught a cold, resulting in you sneezing every ten minutes, blowing your nose every five and coughing every two. The typical cold that ruined your week. It has been only two days and you already felt better but not enough for your liking. But to add to your misery, you were running late this morning which was not that unusual coming from you but it still made you grumpy and you decided that it was not a good day.

You opened your door, ready to storm out of your place, almost stumbling and missing the small package left on the floor at your door step. Swiftly you dodged the package, only to stare at it, curiously, the next second. It was nicely wrapped in a red paper with a golden bow and a small card stuck to it. You checked the time before your eyes darted back to the present. You were late, really late but the curiosity got the best of you. Taking the package off the floor, you went back inside your house for a moment. You decided to read the card first.

“You won’t catch a cold with this one.”

To make the present even more mysterious, the person who gave you this, had printed the message instead of writing it which was unusual but you did not mind. Only one person came to your mind who worried and scolded you when you caught the cold: Jaehyun. You smiled, feeling already hundred time better, your day did not seem so gloomy after all, as you unwrapped your present. Inside laid a beautiful, smooth, made up with cashmere red scarf that looked way warmer and better than the one you currently wore. Without hesitation, you tore your current scarf off your neck and wrapped the new one tightly, hiding half of your face. It felt absolutely divine around you and on your skin, making you feel warm and fluffy.

“Thank you for the present. I love it.” You quickly wrote to Jaehyun and pressed sent.

A quick glance to your watch made you wince. You were beyond late and your boss was going to skin you alive. But the scarf was worth the scolding.

Except the boss spared your life the moment he saw your red nose and your guilty eyes. For once in your life he let you off the hook. The day was saved.

Or so you thought.

The moment you got at your desk, your phone rang, it was a message from Jaehyun.

“Hey! I’d love to say you’re welcome but it’s not from me! You have a secret admirer! Careful there, I might get jealous.”

Your face paled at his message, blood running cold and no matter how many times you read the message, you still could not calm the rising anger. You tore the scarf off your neck as if it had burnt you, and in a way it did. If the scarf did not come from Jaehyun, you could only think of one person that could be behind it: the one following you. You threw the scarf on the nearest chair, glaring at it with a frown on your face.

There was no way you would bring this thing back with you at home. Fuck you whoever you are for messing with me.

Two days later you found the scarf on your bed.

***

To say it became a rather odd routine was the understatement of the century and yet, in the middle of this chaos you managed to find a balance between the stalking –there was no other way to describe it, your love-life, your friends and your work. It was arduous, nerve wracking and yet you did it. You concentrated on your work, on things that actually mattered and made you happy, ignoring the footsteps, ignoring the eyes. Some could say it was unwise but you begged to differ. Whoever was following you, never tried to hurt you, he just freaked you out. So you accepted your fate, in a way, learning to live with it.

It was only when your stomach growled that you realized just how late it was. Past nine and you were still stuck at work, trying desperately to finish this article. It had been too long since you started digging about the senator, you knew how bad this man was, you had met his victims but it was nothing solid enough to bring him down. You had spent the last week, trying to gather all the information you could but it was still not enough. It was driving you crazy. But for now you had to deal with your hunger.

Ugh, maybe I should go and grab something to eat. Not like I can do anything right now.

It appeared that you were not the only one to think that it was time for you to get out of your office and have something to eat; a delivery boy knocked at the door with a huge box of pizza in his hand, grinning widely at you.

“Hi! I’m bringing your order.”

You raised a brow, puzzled since you had no recollection of ordering a pizza. Nevertheless, you got up to have a look at it. Should you have been surprised to see that someone had ordered your favourite pizza with mushrooms, cheese and ham?

“Your boyfriend has already paid for the pizza.” The delivery boy commented as you eyed the pizza.

“My boyfriend? Did he perhaps tell you his name?”

He looked at you, probably wondering what was wrong with you before shrugging –weird people happened to be everywhere after all. “No. Had a nice voice though. Oh! And he has a message for you!”

“Does he now?”

“Something along the line of: 'I picked up the phone myself to order it so please, work less, sleep more and eat all of this delicious pizza!' ”

You rolled your eyes but thanked him anyway before grabbing a slice of pizza. At least your 'boyfriend' chose right.

The surprise came the following morning. You barely took a step on the floor that Sora handed you an envelope with 'urgent' written on it.

“What is it?”

“No idea. Just received it for you.” Sora patted your back before leaving you to your work.

The envelope was too big for its content, you could tell it by the shape and the weight. And you were right. Just as you ripped the top and turned it upside down, a USB stick fell in your hand. You eyed the stick, an unsettling feeling creeping at the back of your mind. The stick was light and yet you could tell how heavy it truly was. It was not a mere coincidence that it had arrived in your hands and a name popped in your head at this thought.

I wish I was wrong.

The moment you connected the USB to your computer and opened the private folder, you stopped breathing. There were literally hundreds of files, pictures, videos, copies of contracts, and it was all about the senator. Now you had everything you needed, solid proofs to expose this damn man and finally make him pay for his sins. But along with these information, you learnt something else. Only one person could access such private and important documents. Only someone who had been dealing with the same type of business.

I’m going to kill you, Jeon Jungkook.

***

You had so many reasons to be mad at Jungkook starting with his now clear stalkish and weird behaviour. Who in the world would go to this extent with a person, an innocent one? He had no valid reasons to follow you for so long and even less reasons to mingle with your life. All this time, you had imagined some kind of monster, psychopath, and yet it was only him being a very weird man. But for some reasons, you could not completely hate him and it had probably everything to do with his little help with your work. If it was not for him, you would have never finished your article on time –or maybe never finished at all, and for that you were thankful.

Your boss, upon reading your article, was ecstatic since finally your newspaper was ahead of every other. It had exceeded his expectations and he could only praise you, promising a night out with the whole team. You did not mind the attention; you were proud of your work but at the same time a little embarrassed because you knew you got your information from someone not nice.

But you should have known better than to attack a powerful senator. He could not attack you or threaten you without others journalists and paparazzi interference but it did not mean he could not send discretely angry mails and threats. You almost found it childish. Could he not just accept the consequences of his own actions?

“You know. I must say I’m surprised.” Your boss started saying as he looked through the angry mails you had received this morning. “I expected you to be more scared about the threats.”

You noticed how Sora tensed beside him, she knew exactly why you were not as fazed as usually, clearly all the stalking taught you how to compose yourself and deal with scary and dangerous situations.

“I guess I just got used to it? Come on boss, it’s not the first time.”

“True. You’re right.”

Except, it did not go as well as you thought. Maybe pissing off a senator who had been working with some underground companies was not the wisest of moves, maybe it would have prevented you from another life-threatening experience.

It happened during your lunch break. On your way back, you could not resist another of your craving –cravings that could be dangerous though, and got yourself another hazelnut latte from Starbucks.

“Y/N?” Someone called you from behind as you stepped into a smaller street that lead to your workplace. The man wore a black suit with black glasses and something told you that he was up to no good. You acknowledged him but turned your back, ready to scamper from here.

Not a chance.

Two other men blocked the other side of the street and more got out of the car. You could smell trouble.

Shit.

“Y/N.” The man got closer to you, repeating your name. He grabbed harshly your arm, almost making you spill your drink on yourself.

Oh.

Your body reacted first as you threw your hot latte on the man, aiming for his face. He screamed, letting go of your arm instantly. You were proud of yourself but the feeling of satisfaction vanished almost instantly as your action was the sign the others needed to attack you.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

A second man grabbed you before you could even think about running away. He was fast and much stronger than his colleague that you had nicely burnt. He yanked your arm harshly, bringing you closer to him. You fought back, trying to free yourself, desperately with no success. It irritated him only more, his hand tore your scarf from your neck, before his fingers wrapped tightly around your neck, slowly putting pressure on it, choking you.

Shit. I’m really going to die because of my stupid cravings? How lucky of me.

“You’re coming with us.” He spat angrily

“Hell no.” You managed to say despite the pressure of his fingers.

“Bitch, you-“

“Cap.” Someone whispered from behind him, sounding extremely scary.

The said Cap’s eyes glanced behind him and just like his man, he froze and you could tell he was petrified by the sight. Or more exactly by the man who stood before them, looking smug as always, his hands in his pockets but you still could tell the difference in his behaviour. He was fuming with rage. His eyes had always been deep and intense, but now they were flaring, and you could feel his intent to kill from where you stood.

Jungkook.

Jungkook was here and you should not feel relieved upon seeing his face. But you were. His eyes were on you, on your face, observing, he did not seem to care about any other person around you. Just you.

“Let her go.” Jungkook slowly ordered with icy voice

“S-sir, we can’t. M. Lee asked us to bring the woman.” Cap tried to explain, looking not so confident anymore.

“Do I look like I give a shit? Let her go. You don’t want to anger me, do you now?” His voice got even deeper and colder. This boy sure knew how to scare the crap out of people around him.

Cap’s hands retreated immediately, too worried for his life –not like you could blame him for that. You fell on the ground, your legs too numb and your fear too strong. You coughed a few times before raising your head and catching a glimpse of Jungkook and the men.

“Leave.” Jungkook ordered once again

This time, nobody complained and obeyed.

Neither of you spoke after that. You stayed on the ground trying to calm your crazy heart, trying not to puke at this madness, while Jungkook simply watched –just like he had been doing for a while now.

Jungkook sighed, still angry, yet glad that he arrived just on time; he could not start imagining what they could have done to you otherwise. He stepped closer and leaned to pick up your scarf from the ground.

“What are you doing here?” You managed to say, it came out as a mere whisper, your throat painful.

“No thanks?”

If you were not feeling that weak, you would have kicked him and probably slapped away the smirk from his face, instead you only groaned and let him help you to get back on your feet.

“Here.” He said and wrapped your scarf back around you. His hands lingered on your shoulders, his eyes scanning your face, looking for any injuries, looking almost worried.

Ridiculous. Why the hell would he worry for me?

But you could not deny the way his eyes softened at the sight of you engulfed in your scarf –which was not the one he gave you-, your hair absolutely messy after the fight. His fingers found your face, stroking softly your cheek before he brushed a strand of hair from your face, tugging it back behind your ear.

“What am I going to do with you?”

***

You exhaled loudly at the sight of your phone, still no message from Sora and it was not a good sign. Your friend was a phone-addict and would never part from it, which meant she would reply almost instantly to any of your messages and yet, it was the second day that you found yourself waiting for a reply. Another one would have thought that maybe you did something bad and the young woman was simply ignoring you. You knew better. Sora’s lack of response meant only one thing: she was in trouble once again. But the real question was how badly was she in trouble? You came to pray that she had decided to mess around with Taehyung again, instead of imaging the worst case scenario.

You threw your head back, resting on the couch as you bit your lips in frustration. It was unbearable not to be able to know what was going on around you but you had no time to dwell further on the subject. You switched the TV on and of course the first thing you heard was the voice of a reporter explaining that senator Lee had finally been arrested and would be judged for his crimes. You should have been happy about it, you were the one who had reveal the truth to the general public after all, and yet, you could not rejoice.

“What am I going to do with you?” Jungkook asked, his voice much softer now just so he would not scare you away.

You stared back at him, your heart pounding hard in your chest, your cheeks flushing under his stare. You slapped yourself mentally for being so weak just for his handsome face and pretty eyes. It was ridiculous and you knew it.

“Nothing?” You answered just for the sake of it but truth to be told you did not know how to behave around him. You had so many thoughts running through your mind and all of them were about him.

You closed your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, gathering your scattered thoughts before looking straight into Jungkook’s eyes, scowling at him. “The fuck do you think you were doing? Do you know just how scared I was?”

All the frustration was finally out, now that the culprit of your hell was before you, you needed to let it out and make him understand just how wrong it was.

If Jungkook was surprise by your outburst he did not show any sign of it, instead he bit his upper lip and it angered you only more.

“Jeon Jungkook. Why did you follow me?”

“You’re not wearing my scarf.”

His words cut you instantly in your mumbling. You blinked few times, incredulous; he had completely disregarded your outburst.

“Fuck you.” You spat angrily

“Any time.”

You decided that this man was infuriating and you wanted nothing to do with him any longer. Another time you would have probably slapped him, but not this time, you were still too shaken to actually ponder on this subject or to even talk with him –or more exactly scream at him for being such a creep. You squeezed the handle of your bag and decided to get back to work just so you would stop thinking about those men in black trying to abduct you.

“I promise; they won’t bother you again.”

You should have felt relieved but you were actually scared to understand the meaning behind his words, because after all, Jeon Jungkook was a gangster and his mere presence in your life meant trouble.

“Oh and by the way. Thank you for this article. I knew you’d find the right words.”

You halted instantly in your track, your grip around your bag only tightening. You knew it, you felt it, from the moment you received the USB stick, it was not out of kindness that he helped you. No, he had his own agenda and you just happened to be the right person to use. A pawn.

Once again he reminded you of what and who he was. Jeon Jungkook could not to be trusted and you were a damn fool to think otherwise.

You sighed in defeat at the memory. It should have worried you more, it should have pushed you to go to the police and ask for help, after all Jungkook’s gang was more than famous. But you did nothing. Oddly enough, now that you knew Jungkook was the one following you around, you were not so scared anymore. It was weird and even disturbing but you felt at ease and by the end of the day it was the only thing that mattered.

Your phone rang again, the screen lightening, showing finally the name you were waiting for all this time.

“Hey! I’m sorry, got busy. See you tomorrow!”

You frowned at her message. This is weird. Sora loved rambling and would share with you everything so seeing such a short message after all the worrying meant only one thing: something had happened.

“You are so dead tomorrow, Sora. How dare you disappear without a word? It’s so out of character!”

“I know. And Y/N, I’m sorry.”

You understood the meaning of her words two days later.

***

Exposing senator Lee was the biggest and longest of your work in a while but despite it being finished, you could not just sit and wait for another job to start. Some of your colleagues would always jump at any opportunities they could find, but you would always choose your topics wisely, wanting it to be interesting and challenging. What would be the point of doing something just for the sake of writing an article? It was vain and definitely not your style.

Instead of going for a proper lunch, you spent your break time at a small café down the street, choosing the best spot ever: at the window. Your computer on, a hot chocolate a clear view of outside. It could have been perfect, except it was snowing and everything felt dead. Winter happened to be the most soulless season for you and you could not wait for spring to come –sadly it was only the beginning of your misery.

Your phone laid on the top of your scarf. A scarf that you should have thrown away long ago and yet you could not help but wear it. So what if that it comes from a creep, it’s warm and fluffy.

You were reading the news on various websites when the first message came.

“Glad you’re finally using the scarf. It suits you.”

You gaped at the message, absolutely taken aback because you, of course, knew exactly who wrote this message. Now, the main question was: How did he get my number? But the answer seemed to be pretty obvious: Sora. You did not have the chance to talk to her since she had mainly been avoiding you. Not for long, you were now determined to have a nice chat with her.

“Nice dress by the way.”

'You've got to be kidding me' was the only thing you could think of. Jungkook had absolutely no limits, no shame; it seemed following you was not enough anymore since he had found a new way to bother you. But then, you thought about his comments, he had to be here again and just when you raised your head, here he stood at the other side of the street, concentrated on writing something else on his phone. Probably another message that would put you in a rather bad mood.

Your lips pressed into a thin line, you refused to answer him –and yet you saved his number. You put back your phone on your scarf and tried to get back to the article you were reading before the interruption.

“Rude.”

“I’ve been a nice boy. Can’t you answer me?”

“Oh come on! Y/N! Don’t ignore me like this!”

You closed your eyes in annoyance, it was impossible not to glance at your phone every time the screen lightened. You should have just turned your phone off but you did not want to give him the satisfaction.

“You? A nice boy? Nice boys don’t stalk.” You finally answered back, scoffing at his description of himself. Nice attempt to be innocent but of course it did not work on you.

“Stalking? I was merely making sure you were playing nice.”

“What?”

“You both lied that night. I don’t know what made you think that we would buy your little lie. Did you really think we wouldn’t notice?”

He did not sound so innocent and nice anymore and it was a tiny bit intimidating how fast he could switch from an almost decent guy to who he really was.

“So what? Sora has a deal and I definitely don’t want to have anything to do with this!”

“I noticed.”

“Then, what are you still doing?” At that you actually looked at his through the window, staring and waiting for his reaction. You were getting irritated, impatient and snappy but Jungkook was not fazed as easily as you.

“I like your dress.” He did it again. He had completely ignored your attack.

“You mentioned it before, yes.”

“Wish it was shorter though. Look at those legs, damn.”

Completely taken aback, you threw your phone on your scarf, burnt by his words, by his bluntness and by how it actually affected you. You could not ignore the blush on your face, you were burning and you could even less ignore how your heart missed a beat. It was so wrong on so many levels. And yet, when another message came, instead of ignoring it like you should have, you opened it again.

“And your skin looks so smooth. I wish I could run my fingers across your skin.”

You raised your head from your phone, glancing at Jungkook again, wondering how he could keep such a serious face while writing something like that. How could he be so blunt?

“Stop it, Jungkook.”

But he did not.

“I like your eyes and how you have this cute wrinkle between your eyes whenever you frown. I like how you laugh so easily (I must say, I’m quite sad to see that you always scowl at me though. It saddens me, princess.)”

“You’re crazy.” You managed to type quickly.

“So I was told. But do you know what else I am? A thief and I’m here to steal your heart.”

“Oh my god!!”

“I’ve been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look?”

“You know what? I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

This time, you just could not hold it as you burst into laughter, tears forming in the corner of your eyes as you genuinely enjoyed his terrible pick-up lines, showing a side of him you did not expect to see.

“Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?”

“Jeon Jungkook! These pick-up lines are horrible!

“But I made you laugh.”

Sadly, he did.

You kept scowling at Sora, or more like staring daggers, waiting for the perfect moment to kidnap her and have a very nice talk. She could no longer avoid you, not after you spent your whole lunch texting with Jungkook. It was unreasonable, you were pretty aware of it, but the temptation was too strong. It surprised you how despite being just across the street, Jungkook kept his distance, texting seemed to be enough for him, for the moment.

The moment you stepped out of the meeting room, you grabbed Sora’s arm and pushed her inside your office, making sure to close the door behind you so nobody could eavesdrop. You crossed your arms against your chest, frowning and looking like a very angry mom –which you were not in reality.

“Ok. What did I do?” Sora asked beforehand

“I don’t know. YOU tell me.”

Sora blinked, confused, or pretended to look confuse and before you could explain to her what she did wrong, Jungkook beat you to it, sending another message. Except this time, it was a picture of a coffee cup with the caption:

“You’re right. Hazelnut latte is the best.”

“And sweet like you, princess.”

You groaned, your façade completely crumbling at all the cheesiness Jungkook kept displaying without any notice. Sora looked curiously at you and you could only shove your phone under her nose, showing her the different texts Jungkook had sent you throughout the day.

“Oh. He didn’t strike me as romantic but seems like I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.” Sora commented without much surprise in her voice

“You don’t look surprised. Why don’t you look surprised?!” You almost shouted at her.

Sora bit her lips, guilty without a doubt, taking a safe step back before actually daring to look into your eyes.

“Spill it. Now.” You ordered before adding more softly, “No more mystery, please. It’s complicated enough already.”

“They brought me to their headquarters and no, I don’t know where it is, they knocked me out.”

“Clever.”

“I know. Taehyung said I broke the deal which is ridiculous. I mean, yes, I was looking around for information but never enough to trigger them. But someone else was being too noisy about this stupid article.” Sora sighed in frustration at the only thought of the responsible of her misery.

“Who?” But then, the answer seemed way too obvious. “Don’t tell me it was Sungyeol?”

“I thought I was the noisy one but he happened to be even worse.”

“And they thought you used someone else to get the information.”

“Yeah. Jungkook made me talk. Something about him being good at reading people.”

“What did he do?”

A very odd and unsettling feeling washed over you. With the sweetness of his messages, you had almost forgotten about his work and knowing he kidnapped so easily your friend worried you. You felt immediately bad and regretted giving him attention. Sora tilted her head, noticing the change in your mood before a small and knowing smile spread on her lips.

“Believe it or not, he listened to what I had to say.”

“Did he now?”

“Yeah and he helped convincing the others. Both Taehyung and Jungkook believed me. He’s not that bad.”

Maybe. But it did not stop you from typing a very convincing, angry and threatening message.

“Jeon fucking Jungkook. If you ever again dare touching my friend, even just a strand of her hair, you are a dead man and I will never talk to you again.”

You pressed *send* before actually realizing how childish and unconvincing your message sounded but at least you conveyed your feelings. Gangster or not, he took the first step toward you , now if he wanted even a slightest chance of being a friend, he needed to be careful. It was time to play the game by your rules.

“Wow. That was hot?” you read the answer.

“But don’t worry. Sora is safe.”

Yeah but for how long?

***

Once upon a time you were a woman with a high sense of justice, very wise, stubborn and down to earth. Somehow, in the middle, you had lost your way. When exactly, you were not so sure, but something told you it had everything to do with your meeting with a certain gangster going by the name of Jeon Jungkook.

One month flew by and many things changed for you, not really from outside but you definitely felt the changes within you. You were no longer scared to go out and feel a presence lingering around. You were no longer scared of getting involved with something you could not properly understand. Talking with Jungkook on daily basis did change everything. You could not ignore the fact that he was bad and dangerous but sometimes you just forgot who he was.

Whenever Jungkook would send you a message for the past month, you could not ignore it and did not want to. It was a very dangerous game and your mind told you to be wary, to stay away from him, but your heart happened to be less reasonable and more treacherous.

Your phone’s screen lightened with a new message –a little bird told you it was another message from Jungkook. And you were just right. It was a picture of a puppy, a golden retriever puppy, looking absolutely cute and fluffy with its tongue out and looking positively happy. You did not have time to react when a second picture load in your conversation and this time it was an even cuter sight: Jungkook holding the puppy in his hands and smiling –which happened to be a rather unusual sight.

“Hi. This is Joe and he just became my new best friend.”

“And he’s the second cutest after you.”

It was too much for you; you could not hold back the squeal of fondness leaving your mouth. You quickly slammed your hand to cover your mouth and checked around you if someone had noticed your sudden outburst. Fortunately for you, nobody did.

You forced yourself to calm down, failing miserably, since your grin got only wider as you looked back at the pictures –that you took pleasure saving on your phone, just in case. Sometimes, it was just impossible to resist this man.

Another time, Jungkook would ask for random stuff: what to eat, what to drink, where to go. At first, it was unsettling and you ignored him. Not quite the right thing to do, Jungkook just knew how to be annoying, bugging the hell out of you until he got a reaction. But now? You were beyond used to his weirdness and you truly enjoyed his spontaneous character –especially the days he did not have time to follow you.

Today was one of these random days as Jungkook sent a new picture, asking for your opinion. It was a picture of three suits of three different colours. You frowned at it before actually reading his message.

“Don’t laugh, but we have to attend a sort of charity party and I don’t know which one I should wear tonight.”

You blinked few time, thinking you had misread his message. A gangster going to a charity party? Oh the irony.

“You? A charity party? Nice joke.”

“My point exactly. But when my boss has something on mind, we have to obey.”

“Poor little thing.”

“Now I feel like you’re mocking me, princess. I thought you were a nice girl? :(“

“I am. I just find it so amusing that you will attend such a party. I wish I was there.”

Oddly enough, it took him longer than you expected to answer you. Your wish was just a joke and you hoped he knew it.

“Nah, you’d get bored.”

“So? Which one?”

You quirked a brow at his attempt to avoid the subject; something was off but you let it slide, it was not your business after all. And as a friend, you decided to help him. But it was harder than you initially thought. Ever since you had met the young man, you had never seen him out of his black jeans and leather jackets which made it difficult to imagine him wearing something classy and chic. What would suit him better? A black suit? The white one? Or should he go for the red?

“Shouldn’t you try them all and send me pictures so I can judge?” You finally replied, biting your lips, hoping that he would say yes.

“Ha! You just want to see my face.”

“That too.” You pressed send without thinking, letting your emotions control your body and only then you realized what you have done.

Shit.

Knowing Jeon Jungkook, you expected him to either make a witty comment or find something to tease you for finally showing your feelings. Except, he did not exactly react the way you thought he would. Instead of answering, he simply sent another picture and this time it was a selfie. You almost dropped your phone on the floor at the sight of a rather ready for a party Jungkook. It was probably the first time that you actually saw him without his cap on, his hair looked perfect, fluffy and pushed back. His lips looked even more pinky than on usual and so damn tempting and inviting. He smiled to the camera, his eyes twinkling, he looked genuinely happy and effortlessly handsome.

What are you doing to me, Jungkook?

“Satisfied, princess?”

“Shit. You weren’t joking about this whole party. Now I feel really important since I’m the one to decide whenever you will look hot or ugly tonight.”

“Except I look hot every damn time.”

You wanted to say cocky bastard but he was right, sadly.

“Go for the white shirt and red jacket? I really like it.”

“And you look less scary too.”

It took around fifteen more minutes to get a new picture of him, making you regret you could not get to this so called boring charity party because Jungkook looked elegant, yet sexy and terribly beautiful.

“How do I look?”

You wished you could tell him the truth but it would be unwise and you did not want him to tease you about it either.

“Ok I guess.”

You cringed at your own words.

“Girl, you just lied.”

“How would you know? You can’t see me! Can you?”

“I don’t need to. I know I look hot and you think so too.”

“Bitch.”

“See.”

You could not help but smile. What a silly man.

But your smile disappeared almost as fast as it came when another message came. From Jaehyun. Maybe, after all, you were just as bad as Jungkook. You had someone in your life already, not a fully committed relationship, but after the night at the bar you made yourself pretty clear. And now? You were ignoring him for the sake of someone who represented everything you had been scared of all this time.

“Hey Y/N! I’m so sorry for not contacting you for a week. I’ve been working on a case and guess what? We have a reason to meet and celebrate! I won! Should we have a date on Saturday? Please, say yes, I miss you.”

You let your phone fall on the couch as you slumped into the couch, you covered your eyes with your arm as a sigh left your lips. What are you doing, Y/N? You hated how guilty and unfair you felt toward Jaehyun. He had done nothing but showering you with compliments and attention –as much as his work allowed him to. He was the safest choice, you knew it better than anyone and yet. Why did it bother you so much to let go of Jungkook?

No matter how uncertain you were, the following morning you had no other choice but to make a decision. The first thing you heard arriving at work was about the sudden disappearance of Deputy Kang’s daughter who attended the very same charity party that Jungkook did. Rooted to the spot, you simply listened to your colleagues debating whether Kang’s daughter disappeared because someone decided to kidnap her or because she ran away –would not have been her first attempt.

You caught a glimpse of the worried look on Sora’s face. Your friend looked tired and confused and something else. She glanced at you, biting her lips before her head turned back to the TV. Just like you, she had heard about the news and you were convinced she knew more than anyone else in this room.

You approached her, your steps hesitant, but the need to know was just too strong.

“Sora.” You whispered and as the young woman turned around, you asked what had been bugging you. “Is it them?”

Sora took a step back, her face paler than ever, she bit her lips before finally nodding her head.

You should have known something like this would eventually happen. You knew it from the very moment you let Jeon Jungkook in your life. You knew he was trouble and yet you let him in. So why could you not help yourself but feel disappointed? Betrayed?

How silly of you, Y/N. Did you really think that Jungkook being nice meant that he was a normal guy?

It was arrogant of you to even consider that you would be able to change him, to make a difference.

This time, it was your turn to take few steps back, your face showing your disappointment and frustration, before you turned your back and went inside your office.

The moment you closed the door behind you, your sight got blurry for a moment, the world started spinning around you and you had to lean against the door to support yourself while trying to calm your racing heart. So many thoughts rushing inside your head made things only worse. You had to distract yourself before anxiety fully stroke you.

Jaehyun. I need to choose Jaehyun.

But really? Did you?

Quickly, with your hands still shaking, you took your phone out of your bag and typed a quick message.

“Let’s celebrate this weekend! I miss you.”

They say liars burn in hell. What a big fat liar you were.

***

“I should have brought you with me. I was bored to death.”

“And just picturing you in one of those fancy dress…Gosh, I’d probably die, princess.”

“Joe is as rebellious as you. He refuses to sleep in his own bed. And I just can’t find the strength to scold him. Look at his adorable face!”

“Already sleeping?”

“Sleep well, princess. Don’t dream too much of me hm?”

“Or are you ignoring me?

“Did I do something?”

“Y/N?”

“Does your silence have anything to do with the news?”

“So it does. Princess, you can’t be mad at me for that. I never tried to hide what I am and I do for a living.”

“You can’t ignore me forever either. Don’t you miss me?”

You threw your phone somewhere on your coach, grabbing a pillow you squeezed it tight against you, your legs brought against you. It had been two days since you started ignoring Jungkook and you already felt your resolve waver. When did you become so attached to this man? You knew better than to fall for someone like him, especially when you had someone safer in your life, but you could not deny the attraction and what your heart desired.

But you missed Jungkook. You wanted to talk to him, to answer to all his messages, to see his face. But that would be extremely unwise, would it not?

It was the noise of something or someone scratching at your door that brought you back from your thoughts. It startled you, making you spin your head to the side, listening to it carefully. This kind of noise could not be made by human which only left one option: an animal was just behind your door. Curious, you stood from the couch and went to your door, hesitating for a second before opening it.

The moment you opened the door, something pounced on your legs, licking it eagerly. It was a puppy. A really cute and terribly familiar one. A part of you was petrified at the sight of Joe on your doorstep since he could not be here on his own. However, another part of you felt absolutely thrilled by the meaning of it. And how could you resist this cute puppy?

“Hi Joe.” You bent and stroked his head, rubbing it softly behind his ears as he barked happily before licking your fingers. You could not hold back the giggle that left your mouth and you could certainly not hold back the wish to take the puppy in your arms. “How can you be so adorable?”

You took him in your arms, straightening up before bringing him closer to your face, smiling widely at the ray of sunshine that he was. Nobody could resist this little fellow. Nobody. He gave your face another happy lick before barking, his tail wiggling happily.

“Aww.”

But then, you remembered that it was Joe, Jungkook’s dog which could only mean one thing. Jungkook was nearby. Your heartbeat fastened at the thought, thumping loudly, excited, betraying you once again.

A shape in the corner grabbed your attention; you turned your head only to spot Jungkook at the lift, staring back at you with a rather melancholic look. You both stood there, looking at each other, you in a plain white long shirt and Joe still in your arms –pressed against your chest this time, while Jungkook had his eyes just on you. Only you.

Here again were the butterflies in your stomach, your skin warming up under his gaze. And what a gaze. Intense yet warm and loving. He should have been upset, he had all the reasons in the world since you had unfairly ignored him for two days, but no, it did not matter to him.

“Jungkook.” Your whisper barely audible to your own ears and yet he heard it.

“Hi, Y/N.”

To your surprise, Jungkook did not try to approach you, instead he stayed at the same spot he was previously, watching you from afar, scared he would make you run away from him again. But it did not make things easier for you. You wished he would act mean to you, tell you that you were selfish and should have told him clearly that you did not want to see him again.

“I knew Joe would be fond of you. Now I’m not sure he would want to go back home with me.” Jungkook said and smiled a little at the puppy in your arms. “What a lucky dog.” And you could certainly not ignore the little pinch of jealousy in his voice.

“Are you jealous of your own dog, Jungkook?” You asked, lowering your eyes, you started rubbing Joe’s head. “He’s adorable.”

“He can be close to you and touch you. I don’t have the luxury of doing the same.”

Your heart dropped, sadness and guilt washing through your body at his words.

“Jungkook.”

“I know.” He cut you before you could say anything else. He ruffled his hair in frustration before sighing in defeat. “I know.”

You set Joe back on the floor and he ran immediately back to his master, still happy as ever and oblivious to the growing tension between the two of you. Jungkook took a step forward, wanting to reach you, to at least be able to sense you but your instinct and your body reacted on its own, taking a step back. He halted immediately, tensing and looking at you, his face torn with pain and sadness. You regretted your move almost immediately but it was for the best, you knew it.

You hoped for it.

“You need to go home, Jungkook.” You managed to say, your own voice filled with so much emotions.

“Can you really let go?”

Despite the situation, there was something in Jungkook’s voice, almost as if he hoped you would give him an honest answer even if it went against your decision.

“No.” You admitted, “But I can’t be with you either. I already have someone in my life, Jungkook. And you know I can’t accept what you’re doing either.”

“What a pity.” He laughed humourlessly.

Jungkook took Joe in his arms and without sparing you one last glance, he left, taking with him a part of you that was dying to learn more of him and be with him.

It’s gonna be ok.

Except you were not fine at all. After that night, everything changed. Jungkook had stopped sending you messages, just like expected and he even stopped following you around. It should have relieved you, rejoiced you. But it did not.

You sighed for the hundredth time this morning, unable to concentrate on anything else. You have been trying to find a new article to work on, a subject that would spark your interest, but nothing seemed worth of your time. You grabbed your head between your hands, elbows resting on your desk as you tug on strands of your hair in frustration.

Sora came in your office the next moment bringing coffee, she halted in her tracks at the wrecked sight of you before sighing and making sure to close the door behind her.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked and took seat in front of you, pushing your cup of coffee closer to you. “Let me guess. It has something to do with a rather dark and hot boy by the name of Jungkook?”

You groaned and slammed your face on your desk this time, giving up on life.

“Guess I’m right.” She took a sip of her drink, proud of her guess, observing you with an amused glare. “Can you enlighten me on why you’re being so grumpy?”

“It’s not funny!” You straightened up and sent daggers her way.

“What? I’m just stating the obvious.”

“Yes. Yes, it has everything to do with this stupid man!” You angrily ripped the sugar sachet, before looking back at your friend.

“What happened? The last time I checked, you were getting pretty close?”

“We did. But then…The thing with Kang’s daughter happened.”

“Oh. That.”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me! It’s serious.”

“I know, but then what?”

Her words did not make any sense. Why could she not be as bothered as you by this?

“Why? Why are you so calm about it?” Sora looked uneasy and you just knew that she hid something from you. “Spill it.”

“Kang is involved with many gangs and let’s say by kidnapping his daughter, they want to make things clear with him.”

“I can’t believe you know all of this and you’re fine with it.”

“I never said I was fine with it. I’m far from being ok, but you know…Taehyung never gave me a reason to be scared of him and to hate him. Did Jungkook give you a reason?”

“He stalked me!”

“And yet you became friends.”

“He stole my number from you.” Sora actually rolled her eyes at your vain attempt to defend yourself –arguments that were not valid even for you.

“Ok, but did Jungkook ever give you a reason to doubt him?”

“No.”

“Did he ever threaten you?”

“No.”

“Did he ever put you in danger?”

For a moment, you wanted to say yes, because in a way you did found yourself in a rather dangerous situation with senator Lee, but then again, it was mainly your fault since you were the one who wrote this damn article and wanted to expose him.

“No.”

“Then cut him some slacks. Yes, he’s a gangster and you can’t change that. But Y/N, he has been nice to you, showing you who he is under all this façade. Is he that bad?”

“No.”

“See. He keeps you away from his business, from the killing. He wants a normal relationship with you. What’s so bad about it?”

“But the danger-“

“Jungkook is a big boy. If he wants you by his side, he will make sure nothing ever happens to you.” Sora smiled at how lost and weak and regretful you suddenly looked. “Actually, I’m pretty sure, Tae and I are the only one aware of his crush for you.”

These were the words you needed to hear. In your fear and doubts, you chose the safest path despite knowing it was not what you truly wished and not what your heart wanted. Sora’s words echoed deep in your mind.

“What should I do?” You whispered

“You have a date with Jaehyun on Saturday right? Go. Clear things with him first, he deserves it. And then? Try to call Jungkook. Hopefully he’s not petty.”

It did sound like a great plan.

***

Saturday night came too soon and despite the time you had to prepare yourself, your mind was restless and unprepared for what would happen tonight. Your conversation with Sora stayed at the back of your mind, replaying from time to time just to stress you a little bit more for this date. You were absolutely not ready.

Despite knowing that you were about to end things with an amazing guy, you put lots of efforts in your looks: a black turtleneck velvet dress reaching just below your knees, you had even curled your hair for the occasion.

You were so lost in your thoughts and your stress that you did notice a very familiar shape approaching you, it was only when Jungkook pulled the chair and sat in front of you with a smirk on his face that you realized what was going on. Your own eyes widened in shock, gaping incredulously at him before the realization down on you. Jungkook was in the restaurant. He was here before Jaehyun and he looked way too amused with your reaction. Something about it felt awfully wrong.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” You whispered-yelled at him.

“I was passing by and I saw you all alone. A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t stay alone.” He smiled before adding “You look stunning, really.”

Smooth Jungkook. Very smooth. But sweet-talking won’t help you.

You wanted to say, instead your eyes twinkled in amusement because you knew he lied. “Jungkook, there’s no window around this table, you couldn’t have seen me from outside.”

Jungkook gave you only a cheeky smile before raising his hands in defeat. “Busted.”

“Jungkook.” You said in a half desperate half warning tone, “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why? You’re alone and I happen to be very much alone too.” He wiggled his brows playfully and it seemed that he had forgotten all about your conversations from the other night, forgetting all about you pushing him away. How could he?

“I’m waiting for someone.” It took you a lot of courage to mutter those words. You wanted him to stay but for now you had other things to take care of and Jungkook was a huge distraction.

“Are you now?” Jungkook’s voice got suddenly terribly low, deep and threatening. Something in his eyes shifted and he no longer looked amused or playful.

You decided to play along and not give in. “Actually, yes. Now can you leave, please?”

“No. I actually have other plans.”

You frowned upon his insistence and coldness. “Too bad, I have something else planned for tonight. So leave.”

Jungkook’s scowl only deepened at your words and by how tense he got you could imagine him squeezing his fist tightly under the table. It took him a lot to control his anger but you were playing at a dangerous game by testing his patience.

“Don’t wait for him. He won’t come.” Jungkook finally said and you blinked confused at him.

What? How? Why? You wanted to ask it all at once but your words got completely stuck in your throat. Your stomach sank at the implications behind his words. You wanted to push your chair and leave but Jungkook was faster, he grabbed your hand that was resting on the table, interlacing his fingers with yours, squeezing them hard.

“What have you done, Jungkook?” You managed to ask as panic was slowly rising inside you.

Jungkook had seemed to notice your state as he started rubbing gently your knuckles, his eyes softening. “Nothing much, really.”

“You didn’t kill him, did you?”

“I don’t go killing people just because I get jealous you know?” He scoffed but then laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. “I might have scared him a little bit when he refused to let you go.”

“What.”

“Let’s say I asked him nicely to stop seeing you?”

You groaned and tug at his hand to show your annoyance –yet you felt relieved to know that he did not hurt him, but it did not faze him that much, he only shrugged as if it was nothing.

“And what did he exactly say?”

“Something along: she’s too good for an asshole like you.”

“Now that’s true.” You could not help but comment.

Truth was, you were not that upset about this which was definitely a bad thing. You were supposed to be the one to end things with Jaehyun and not Jungkook. It felt absurd and not right but there was nothing you could really do about it. At Jaehyun’s place you would have been scared too. You had no problem imagining how Jungkook convinced Jaehyun to stay away from you.

You sighed in defeat and squeezed his hand back, catching him off guard by your sudden display of affection.

“You’re so damn stupid.” You said, “This date was supposed to be about clearing things between us so I could go back to you, you asshole.”

Jungkook’s whole face froze, his brain refused to properly function at this revelation before he actually understood your words. He opened his mouth to speak but then his words died as fast as they came.

“I feel stupid.” He admitted.

“It’s because you are.”

The only thing Jungkook could do was to laugh at the situation, at how hard he tried to threaten the lawyer without exposing his identity, how hard he tried to get close to you when in the end you had chosen him anyway. He felt absolutely stupid but extremely happy and relieved too.

You tried not to smile, not to look too happy about his reaction but it was so damn hard to ignore the fluttering of your heart and how warm and loved you felt. Maybe getting out of your comfort zone was not such a bad thing after all. Maybe Jungkook was worth the risk. You wanted to believe he was.

Before you could jump into a comfortable conversation, the waiter interrupted you with his presence.

“Are you-“ The young man started but as soon as his eyes landed on Jungkook, he paled, his eyes widened in shock and terror and you had no doubt he had once encountered Jungkook. Jungkook himself was not helping the situation at all as he scowled at the waiter almost as if he was ready to murder him on the spot.

Poor man. You bit your lips and decided to save the man from the torture; you nudged Jungkook’s shin with your shoe under the table, startling him. He looked betrayed and outraged by your behaviour but something lightened in his eyes, something that meant trouble for you but oddly enough you did not mind.

The waiter coughed awkwardly before regaining his composure and looking at you instead. “Are you ready to order?”

“No.” Jungkook butt in. “Actually, we were about to leave. Right princess?”

“We were?” You asked puzzled.

The waiter did not complain, simply nodded his head and almost ran away as fast as he could from your table, running for his life. You frowned at Jungkook’s smug face, shaking your head in discouragement. Nobody could change him.

“Shall we go?”

Jungkook stood up and stretched his hand toward you, waiting for you to make the step and to accept him. You did without hesitation.

The night had taken a rather unexpected turn.

Except, you regretted following him the moment you stepped outside and saw his motorbike. You froze on the spot, refusing to make any other steps, freeing your hand from Jungkook’s.

“You got to be kidding me.” You groaned “You can’t expect me to ride with you in a dress! And it’s freaking cold!”

“Don’t be mean to my best friend.”

You judged him hard at that. You never understood men who gave pet names to their cars or in his case, motorbike, it felt ridiculous and childish.

“I’m not going.” You warned him and crossed your arms against your chest, your eyes darting back and forth between Jungkook and his motorbike.

You were in the middle of January, it was cold, you wore a dress and you actually hated motorbikes, you could keep going with your list and reasons of why you would never ride it but by the look Jungkook gave you, he would not let you any choice anyway.

“Don’t make me to put you on my motorbike by force, princess. You really don’t want it.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

You knew he would.

“Try me.”

You took a step back as his eyes glowed in a mix of excitement and warning, nevertheless you refused to follow him. How in the world were you supposed to ride it in a dress? Jungkook did not seem to care for your opinion –what’s new? He approached you, smirking, and before you could run for your life he grabbed your arm and pulled you abruptly against him and finally slid his arm around your waist, lifting you easily and throwing on his shoulder. You yelped hitting his back restlessly.

“Jungkook!! Put me back on the ground, asshole!”

He laughed only louder at your pointless attempt to convince him, instead, he slapped playfully your butt, making you yelp in surprise before shutting you up completely. You grabbed his shoulders tightly, digging your nails into his jacket, too scared he would drop you –you could not help but think about it even if you were aware of his strength.

Jungkook put you on his motorbike, his thighs touching yours and you were awfully aware of his proximity to your body. It was not the time to think about it but it was hard not to.

“You were saying?”

“I hate you.” Was all you managed to say.

Jungkook rolled his eyes at you and took place just before you; he grabbed your arms and wrapped them around his waist, squishing you against his back. “Hold tight.”

“Where are we even going?” You tried.

“Surprise.”

Something told you that there was no use fighting him, he would not spill the beans until you reach the destination. Resigned, you tightened your grip around him, leaning your head against his back.

“Ready?”

“No. But let’s go.”

If only you knew how long you would have to ride to reach your destination, you would have jumped out of his stupid motorbike and save yourself a long and exhausting trip.

Through the first half of the trip, you kept tugging at your dress with one hand, the other one gripping tightly his jacket. It was useless and after a while you just gave up. Instead, you leaned even closer to him for his warmth and for the safety he represented. You rested your head against his back, enjoying his smell, a mix of fresh mint and leather.

The notion of time somehow changed during this trip. You could not tell for how long you have been riding but after probably at least two hours, Jungkook finally stopped at a service station. It was late and the place was empty except for the shop assistant –who was distracted by some movie playing on the TV. Not for long. The moment the two of you entered the shop and his eyes landed on you, he almost fell from his chair.

It must have been a rather odd sight: a woman too dressed for a ride on a motorbike and a man looking too gloomy and dangerous. Something in this picture did not seem right for the young man behind his stand. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to call the police but that would be a harsh decision and to jump to conclusions. He knew better. Instead, he said a nice welcome, his eyes glued to you mainly -seeing a nice woman and so dressed up in the middle of the night and at this service station was a rather rare thing.

"What can I do for you?" He asked, a shudder ran down his spine as he met Jungkook's scowl and instantly he turned his gaze to somewhere else on his screen.

"Two coffees would be nice." Jungkook spoke and you had to nudge him in the stomach because he was being childish with his jealousy. "I'll go looking for snacks."

He let you deal with the cashier. You rolled your eyes at him before looking back at the young man and smiling. "Sorry for that, he can be moody."

"Is everything ok? Should I call the police?" He finally dared to ask, whispering just in case Jungkook was still around and could hear him.

"What?" You asked incredulous, "Why would you do that?"

"It's just" He started explaining, feeling almost stupid for asking, "He looks dangerous."

You had always said that people should not judge a book by its cover and this young man was doing exactly that: judging Jungkook by his look -you could not fully blame him, Jungkook did look like he had just kidnapped you, but it still bothered you.

"He is. But he happens to be my friend." It took you a lot to say the word friend, you were more than friends by now but it was not his business after all. "So please, don't assume he's dangerous."

"I'm sorry."

You smiled sweetly but your smile never fully reached your eyes.

Once the coffee was ready and Jungkook had bought some snacks, you settled at a table near the window.

"You do realize that you forced me to come with you?" You really wanted to sound upset but something about Jungkook made it impossible.

"So?"

"So romantic."

"For you? Always."

"Oh my God."

You cracked up, your eyes twinkling with amusement. He never ceased to amaze you with his antics.

The second time you made a stop was at a beach. The wind was a little stronger on the coast and you had to hide your face with your scarf to warm yourself up. Jungkook glanced your way, worried for a second –you kept shivering despite your warm scarf and coat, before taking his backpack. He slid his hand in yours, giving it a gentle squeeze and put it right in his pocket. The gesture surprised you but at the same time made your heart flutter at his sudden display of affection and at the attention he gave you.

Your fondness quickly vanished when you came in term that your final destination was indeed this beach in the middle of nowhere. There were no houses around, no street lights, just the cliffs and the sea for as far as the eye could see. In the end, the only source of light happened to be the moon and the torch Jungkook out of his bag.

You yanked your hand from his pocket, forcing him to stop in his track and look at you with raised brow.

“What?”

“Are you serious? You’re taking me to an isolated beach in the middle of January?! And when I’m wearing a freaking dress? Jeon Jungkook, are you trying to kill me?! I’m going to freeze to death!” You scolded him, frustrated with the outcome of your night. Another time, another day and especially another month it would have been perfect and very romantic, but not tonight. You were too tired and dejected.

“Don’t be such a drama queen.” Jungkook rolled his eyes at you and pulled you abruptly, too abruptly since you almost fell on him. Fortunately for you, he was fast enough to wrap his arm around your body and steadying you. “Easy there.” He stroked your back in circles, trying awkwardly to calm you down. “I promise, it’s getting better.”

You pushed him away, unconvinced, apprehensive. You still followed him.

You thought things could not get worse. It did. It was not until you reached the sand that you realized the extent of damages you were about to suffer. The previous day, it had rained making the sand wet, slippery and dirty. You could say goodbye to your shoes –needless to say it pissed you off since they were brand new.

Jungkook led you almost near the water, the cliff stood behind you. Almost twice you tripped, unable to see the stones on the ground, you felt relieved when he came to a stop. At first sight it seemed like another empty spot at this beach, on the difference that there was traces of bonfires with tree branches scattered around the place.

You stopped and observed Jungkook gathering the branches, putting them together before he took his backpack. To your biggest surprise, Jungkook pulled out two blankets, one that he set down on the sand near what you guessed would be a bonfire.

You were almost surprised at how good Jungkook was, everything was planned, he had everything he needed to make you comfortable.

“What are we even doing here.” You muttered more for yourself, your disbelief clear in your voice.

Jungkook did not mind it at all and instead of considering to give you an explanation, he sat on the blanket and patted his laps to urge you to slump beside him.

“No. I want to go home.”

“After driving for so long? Not gonna happen. How about you enjoy the moment?” Jungkook almost sounded annoyed and bossy and cold but you would need more to get scared.

“Jungkook.”

He sighed –you hoped in defeat, but instead he grabbed your hand and you knew exactly what would come next, he smirked proudly and before you could even fight back, he pulled strongly at your hand making you fall on your knees right between his legs. Jeon Jungkook knew how to play dirty.

“I hate you.” You mumbled, raising slowly your head, only to realize how close you two were.

Jungkook gave you a sheepish smile. “You mentioned that a few times now. Should I worry?”

Of course not. You wanted to say, but he did not deserve your honesty and it was not like he needed it to know the depth of your thoughts. “Yes. You do.”

“Ok.”

That did sound worrisome.

The almost innocent smile turned into a wicked one and the next thing you knew he flipped you over, your back now pressed hard against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around your frame and you felt his chin in the crook of your neck.

“You’re so rebellious, princess.” He whispered sweetly.

You could have tried to push him away, but the warmth of his body and his arms were just too inviting, too comforting for you to do any of that, so instead you wiggled in his arms to find the perfect position. He chuckled at your reaction before nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, his nose bumping lightly against your skin before he planted a soft kiss on your skin.

A shiver washed over you and you were not so sure whenever it was due to the cold or to what Jungkook made you feel.

He pulled back for a moment, only to grab the second blanket and wrap it around both of your bodies.

You thought that by now Jungkook could not surprise you any more, he had showed all his cards to conquer you. Oh how wrong you were. You see, there was a certain talent you did not expect from a man like him and yet. Till this very moment, you sat in silence, the crunch of branches, the waves were the only thing you could hear. That until Jungkook started singing softly, his head no longer pressed against you.

“No limit in the sky

That I won’t fly for ya

No amount of tears in my eyes

That I won’t cry for ya, oh no

With every breath that I take

I want you to share that air with me

There’s no promise that I won’t keep

I’ll climb a mountain, there’s none to steep.”

He had the best, the sweetest voice you had ever heard. It was soft and so pleasing to listen, you could not resist to the urge to close your eyes and enjoy his voice. You pressed your cheek against his arm, your eyes still closed, you wanted to feel him in every possible way.

“When it comes to you

There’s no crime

Let’s take both of our souls

And intertwine

When it comes to you

Don’t be blind

Watch me speak from my heart

When it comes to you

Comes to you.”

You peeked from your heavy lids, captivated by his voice and the choice of the song. It was not one you would have chosen to listen but the way he sang it changed everything.

On impulse, you pushed his arms away, turned around to get on your knees. You grabbed his face between your hands, making him stop singing and instead staring at you with eyes wide opened and confused. You smiled fondly at him before giving in and pressing a soft and tender kiss on his lips. It was gentle and hesitant and yet it had so much meaning behind it. You pulled away, your grin got only wider at how shocked Jungkook was.

“And here I thought gangsters were all bad and mean. How come you’re such a softie?” You teased, pecking his lips once again to make him react.

He did not. His doe-eyes widely opened, it seemed that you had just lost Jungkook to a kiss. So you giggled, absolutely smitten with his reaction –or lack of it.

“Jungkook.” You hummed, pressing your hands a little harder against his face. “Still there?”

“Bloody hell.”

He did not let you time to even breath, his face got terribly close before finally you felt his lips on yours. It was at first a sweet brush of his lips, lingering a little longer. His hands circled your body, bringing you even closer and you had to slightly straighten yourself on your knees to deepen the kiss. A kiss that was no longer innocent or hesitant. Far from it.

You could not tell which one of you had waited the most for it to happen and it did not matter in the end because the feeling of his lips was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

You were at a desert beach, in the middle of the night in January. It was cold and humid and yet, you felt warm, fuzzy and blissful. You were in his arms and you wished this moment would last forever.

If you thought the trip to the beach was long, the trip back happened to be even longer. Not because it was longer in distance, but the state of exhaustion made it hard for you. But to your surprise, Jungkook had planned things perfectly. You expected to ride his motorbike again to get back home but somehow –you did not want to know how; a black car was waiting for you when you finally decided to move. Your eyes darted back and forth between Jungkook –how could he act so nonchalant, and the car. He just knew how to amaze you, did he not?

“You really had everything planned.” You commented, “But what if I had said no? Would you still have forced me to come with you?”

Jungkook looked genuinely tortured between giving you the answer you wanted to hear and the one he really had on mind. You pressed your lips into a thin line before giving up.

“You know what, I don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter.”

The only thing that mattered right now was that you would be able to get home faster and in the safety and warmth of the car. You were not that demanding after all, were you?

Through the whole trip back, you kept dozing off. A part of you wanted to stay awake, talk some more with Jungkook but he did not make things easier with you. The moment he noticed how heavy your lids were, he stopped on the sideway, took a blanket from the backseat and put

it on you.

You had thought about it for a while now and you came to conclusion that there were three perfect words to describe Jungkook: dangerous, awkward and extremely sweet. And all yours.

***

“It’s six in the evening and I had just woken up. You fucked up my sleep habits.”

“Not like I mind, but still…How am I going to change that now?”

“Guess I’m not the only one.”

“So. How come you’re being silent? As a stalker, you’re doing your job poorly. I should hire a new one.”

“If you’re doing something illegal…Please be careful.”

“I mean. I don’t want to hear bad news.”

“Ok…It has been three days. Should I worry?”

“Jeon Jungkook. You better have a valid excuse for ignoring my messages.”

“How come Sora is the one to give me news from you???? Nice to know you’re alive, asshole.”

“I’m serious. If you don’t answer, I’m going to flip a table.”

“You are so in trouble mister.”

“Payback is a bitch, now I know it.”

One week.

Jungkook disappeared for a whole week following the little trip to the beach and the kiss you shared by the bonfire. You wished you could say you were not affected or mad about his behaviour but that would be a big fat lie. You were furious. At first of course, you thought he got busy, but then it never stopped him before from sending you messages. You got confused and after a week you just wanted to punch him right into his face and make him sorry for worrying you.

You knew from the beginning that letting Jungkook in your life was a risky bet, whenever it was for your safety or for your heart but he had given you so many reasons to believe in him and to give him a chance. So you did. And now you were not so sure it was a good thing.

You kept tossing in bed, unable to sleep, unable to clear your mind and calm down. You turned around for the hundredth time, glancing at your phone, checking the time and if you had any message. It was two in the morning on a Sunday night –you would probably curse in the morning when you would have to get up to work, and it was another sleepless night.

Except, it was time for you to stop moping around and deal with him your own way. You grabbed your phone and quickly wrote a message to Sora, praying that she would be awake –or forgot to mute her phone.

“I need their address. Now.”

“Are you serious? You woke me up for that?”

“Yes. Now?”

“You better kick his sorry ass.”

You grinned wickedly at your screen. Game on.

Despite it being two in the morning, you still drove to the address Sora gave you, not caring if it was dangerous and caring even less if they were all sleeping –did gangsters actually sleep at all?

Throughout the ride to their place, you imagined many things, many scenarios and how their place could look like. Except, you failed to imagine that it would be a huge mansion with agents guarding the place; one at the main entrance and the two others on the side of the mansion.

Your blood ran cold for a moment as you parked your car on the side. Was it really worth the risk? You had your doubts about your plan, you knew there would be obstacles between you and your prey and those agents did not look very friendly. But you happened to be more pissed.

“Miss, I’m sorry but you need to leave.” The agent at the main entrance stopped you with his arm stretched.

You looked at his arm and then at the entrance, calculating whenever you could just push him by surprise and run inside. Probably not the best idea. Though it would be something Sora would do.

“That’s sad because I really need to get inside.”

“I don’t think so. You must leave.”

“I repeat; I need to get inside. I want to see Jeon Jungkook.” and beat the crap out of him too.

The agent actually stopped for a second, realizing that you knew –or at least have heard of Jungkook-, it was weird enough for him to think about what he should do.

“Miss-“

“Ugh, you are so annoying!” You threw your arms in the air in frustration. “What is wrong with gangsters nowadays? I knew you were bad but not annoying!”

His first and probably instinctive reaction was to put his hand on his gun –just in case if he needed to use it against you, but then, he actually shuddered under your deadly gaze. Something was wrong with you and he wished he could just let someone else deal with you.

Seeing how the agent was not willing to cooperate with you, you had only one option left –well two if you count pushing and running for your life.

“Jeon Jungkook. You better get out of your pretty mansion or I might kick this stupid agent and call police. That would be inconvenient for you, wouldn’t it?”

“Miss, don’t make me use strength on you. Just leave.”

You had a rather nice word on the tip of your tongue that never came out because of the man who appeared at the door. Exhausted after probably running like a mad man just to get on time. You would have laughed at his eagerness if it was not for your own anger. Now that Jungkook was out, you pushed the agent without hesitation, taking him by surprise, and approached Jungkook, pointing a finger at him.

“You have no idea how mad I am right now.”

“I’d say pretty mad since you came on your own in the middle of the night.” Jungkook answered back without thinking.

“See, you’re not the only one who has a thing to force people out this late.”

You halted in your track once you were before him, shooting daggers at him. And then you just snapped, letting out all of your accumulated frustration: you slapped him. Hard. The slap echoed in the yard, probably attracting some unwanted attention but right now you could care less.

“This. This is for being an idiot.” It felt nice slapping him –your hand stung just as badly. But it was not enough. Not yet. Then came another slap. “This is for ignoring me!”

“Woman, calm down!” He tried, grabbing your hands tightly, but not strong enough to hurt you.

But you were not having any of it. You yanked your hands from his grip, too easily, poking his chest with your finger. “No, no, no. You listen. You don’t go force someone on your stupid motorbike, have a freaking long ride, only to ignore afterwards. Where’s your freaking manners?!”

Jungkook should have defended himself like any normal man would have. Instead, he stood there, biting his lips and feeling almost remorseful.

“You better start thinking how to make it up for me, Jungkook.” You whispered

After meeting you for the first time at this restaurant, Jungkook had thought he figured you out easily. You were a rather simple woman with simple needs and yet you came to be a challenge, an addiction he was not willing to part. He thought you could not take him by surprise or confuse him. How wrong he was.

Despite clearly hating his world, you came to his place, angry but fearless, ready to face all the danger in the world just to make him regret his choice. Did he like it? Definitely. Did he regret his decision of ignoring her? Not really since he had to the chance to see this side of her. You were constantly surprising him in the best of ways and as he felt a wave of affection overwhelming him, he could not stop himself from whispering hesitantly:

"I just... It's because you..." He looked behind him, as if he was checking nobody else could hear what he was going to say, before looking straight into your eyes and admitting "You're incredible. And way too good for me."

The vulnerability in his eyes caught you by surprise and left you breathless. You could see how much you counted for him, and the conflict between his mind and his heart.

Taking him once again by surprise, you grabbed his shirt, yanking him harshly, forcing him to be at your level before crushing your lips against his. The simple contact of his lips against yours set your body on fire. You had been dreaming about kissing him ever since you came back from the beach and finally you had it. The kiss was needy, desperate as you poured all your feelings, frustration and longing for him.

Despite the initial shock, Jungkook wrapped one arm around your waist, squishing your body against his as he kissed back with just as much eagerness as you, wanting nothing more but feel you.

“You’re so so stupid.” You exhaled into his lips before biting his upper lip playfully. “You better know. I’m not holding back any longer, Jeon Jungkook.”

Jeon Jungkook was a gangster and everything you happened to despise in this world. And yet, he became everything you ever needed.

“Game on.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

[schraubd]

The Good Place: Final Thoughts

*MAJOR SPOILERS*

At the conclusion of season three, I registered my prediction of how The Good Place would end:

The abolition of the afterlife in its entirety (no more good or bad places); a re-emphasis on doing as best you can when it matters (i.e., during one's actual life); the core quartet is sent back to Earth to live out the rest of their natural lives as friends.

I would say that, like most religions, I got about 5% right. The afterlife, as we knew it, is abolished. And the series does end with all of the human characters passing on. But in between, The Good Place takes a much more audacious swing: a genuine attempt to reform the afterlife. And -- and I think this is perhaps even more profound -- an essential acknowledgment that this attempt fell short. A perfect paradise was not created, and in fact the final conclusion of The Good Place seems to be that such a paradise is impossible even in concept. After all, cut away the underbrush and the heroes' solution to the problem afflicting The Good Place was to offer the choice of suicide. And while the penultimate episode suggests that perhaps just having the option will suffice to stave off the ennui of eternal bliss, the finale refuses to accept that out. Every human character, eventually, kills themselves. Their happy ending is that they are content to die. The best possible paradise is one where people can and do eventually choose to erase themselves from existence. Skip over the beatific forest setting and the stipulation of emotional contentment, and that's a rather melancholic, if not outright grim, conclusion. It's easy to draw a parallel between the last episode and the need for fans to accept the voluntarily-chosen end of a great show like The Good Place (it's even easier to draw it to the need to accept our own mortality). But another recurrent theme in The Good Place is the failure of systems. Over and over again, the systems the characters find themselves in are revealed to be either malfunctioning or outright designed to immiserate them. From the very beginning, Eleanor and Chidi confront the brutal harshness of the points system, which results in nearly all people being horrifically tortured for eternity (incidentally, that Chidi isn't immediately repelled by -- and suspicious of -- this set-up is a rare miscue in terms of characterization, if not plotting). They resolve to try and improve Eleanor, only to find out that they're actually in a perpetual torture chamber which will literally reset every time they come close to escaping it. At this point, the series becomes a repeated effort to find ever-higher levers in the celestial bureaucracy that can be appealed to. They find a judge, who is at best indifferent to their predicament and not particularly interested in helping them. Upon returning to earth, they discover first that they can't ever improve enough to enter The Good Place (because -- knowing the stakes -- their motivations are corrupt) and then that nobody can successfully enter The Good Place because existence has become too interwoven and morally interdependent for anyone to satisfy the standard of admission. They meet the actual Good Place committee, who are worse than useless and content to let everyone suffer forever because taking any concrete action risks violating some procedural norm. And when they finally enter The Good Place, they discover it's as dysfunctional as everywhere else -- gradually sucking the life out of its residents who, given eternity, eventually tire of everything. All the systems fail. All of them are doomed to fail. They can't not. Hence, the suicide gate (and sidenote: If The Good Place ever has a spin-off series -- and lord knows it shouldn't -- it should definitely involve exploring the first murder in the Good Place when someone gets involuntarily shoved through that archway). By the time it reaches its conclusion, The Good Place is one of the few depictions of the afterlife to take the concept of eternity seriously. Some other venues glance in this direction. Agent Smith in The Matrix tells Neo that humans reject a simulation of paradise -- the implication is because we're diseased, but perhaps also indicating that perfect, eternal happiness ... isn't. Maya Rudolph's other afterlife vehicle, Forever, certainly touches on this theme. The Order of the Stick has an afterlife where people can eat all the food and have all the sex and otherwise satisfy all the "messed-up urges you people have leftover after having your soul stuck in a glorified sausage all your life". But this is only the "first tier" of heaven: once you're bored, you can "climb the mountain" to search for a higher level of spiritual satisfaction. And while what this entails is left vague, it is not death -- those who ascend can, if they wish, descend back down to the lowlier pleasures (OOTS also introduces the very neat concept of "Postmortum Time Disassociation Disorder"). But the story which provides perhaps the most powerful foil to The Good Place's view of eternity and immortality is (and of the approximately 143,000 Good Place retrospectives being written right now, I bet I'm the only one to make this comparison) Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. The ultimate adversary in HPMOR is not Snape, or Malfoy, or Voldemort. It is death, and Harry is committed to the "absolute rejection of death as the natural order." The message on the Potters' gravestone is, after all, "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death" (and it's a sign of my cloistered Jewish upbringing that I thought this was a Rowling original -- it is in fact a quote from I Corinthians). Harry Potter wants people to live forever. And the story anticipates the objection, placed in the mouth of Dumbledore, "What would you do with eternity, Harry?"

Harry took a deep breath. "Meet all the interesting people in the world, read all the good books and then write something even better, celebrate my first grandchild's tenth birthday party on the Moon, celebrate my first great-great-great grandchild's hundredth birthday party around the Rings of Saturn, learn the deepest and final rules of Nature, understand the nature of consciousness, find out why anything exists in the first place, visit other stars, discover aliens, create aliens, rendezvous with everyone for a party on the other side of the Milky Way once we've explored the whole thing, meet up with everyone else who was born on Old Earth to watch the Sun finally go out, and I used to worry about finding a way to escape this universe before it ran out of negentropy but I'm a lot more hopeful now that I've discovered the so-called laws of physics are just optional guidelines."

The last few episodes of The Good Place are, in a sense, a calling of this bluff. Even if you play out the string all the way to extinguishment of the sun or the heat death of the universe -- well, forever is a long time. It can wait. Harry argues that the only reason we accept death is because we're used to it, and if you took someone who lived in a world where there was no death and asked them if they'd prefer to live in a universe where eventually people ceased to exist, they'd look at you like you're crazy. The Good Place provocatively argues the precise opposite -- that if death didn't exist, people would have to invent it. Or they would go crazy, with infinite time on their hands. And so we are, perhaps, back to where we started. The paradise the heroes create is certainly better than that which they replaced. But it still is deeply, tragically flawed -- and The Good Place seems to believe that these flaws are fundamentally inescapable. The suicide option is the clearest manifestation of how cracked paradise must be, but there is another issue that the show alludes to: paradise depends on other people, and on their choices. Way back in the first season, "Real Eleanor" raises this precise point: if her soulmate doesn't love her, "this will never truly be my Good Place." Sure it's actually a contrivance to torture Chidi, but it's easy to imagine it as real. What if your paradise is to live blissfully with a certain special someone and ... that person doesn't love you back? Both Simone and Tahani seem okay with Chidi and Jason respectively choosing someone other than them (Eleanor and Janet). But that's in harmony with the audience's happy ending. It's not hard to imagine a different world where they were less sanguine about it. Or take a far more direct problem: If paradise comes with a suicide option, what happens if your loved one takes it? Harry's excited declaration of all the things he'd do with infinite time is not fundamentally, the reason why he desires immortality. When push comes to shove, he's motivated by a far more basic yearning: to make it so "people won't have to say goodbye any more." Eleanor's utter panic at the thought of losing Chidi forever was, for me at least, the most visceral emotional gut-punch of the entire series -- even more than the finale of season three (at least there, we could be reasonably assured their separation was temporary). She eventually comes to terms with it. But sit on it a little more: imagine a "paradise" where your soulmate has left you forever. People fantasize about heaven to be reunited with their loved ones, yet we end up looping right back into eternal separation. What kind of paradise is this, where people still have to say goodbye? So we have two problems that seem to threaten even the conceptual coherency of a paradise:

First, if paradise is forever, eventually everything will become tired. That suicide is presented as a good solution to this problem shows just how serious it is (and, for what it's worth, I'm not sure the suicide "option" would necessarily bring relief. It could easily generate crippling anxiety -- a sense of trappedness between the irrevocable permanence of death and the unbearable ennui of existence). 

Second, if paradise depends on the choices other people make, how can we be sure they'll make choices compatible with your happy ending?

The Good Place presents the first problem as unavoidable and skates past the second entirely. But could they be overcome? Maybe. In the penultimate episode of The Good Place, one solution proposed to the problem of eternal ennui is to reset people's memories, so the things that bored them become fresh again. This is swiftly rejected as a repetition of how the quartet was tortured in The Bad Place. Too swiftly, in my view. Neighborhoods were also used to torture -- should those be jettisoned too? The problem with eternity is that eventually, everything gets repetitive. Go-Kart Racing against monkeys may be a blast the first time, but it loses its luster after a million reiterations. The wistfulness comes from wishing one could go back to that initial burst of discovery and experience -- before one had the memory of doing it all over again. This was my immediate solution to the ennui problem -- not that some demon should periodically reset you, but that you should be able to choose when, where, and how to reset yourself. It's not just about going back in time. It's reoccupying any memory state you've ever possessed. Go back to before you ever raced against monkeys -- then zoom forward to when you've already experienced all the monkey-races you could handle. It's like a load/save system for your mind. Hell, you can even adjust the "difficulty" level. It's true that, for many, a "paradise" where one simply automatically gets whatever one wants will feel unsatisfying. But one needn't set the parameters of paradise to guarantee success. It can be as hard or easy as one wants; people can be as pliant or obstinate as one likes (not for nothing is one of the afterlife attractions in OOTS -- a fantasy roleplaying-based setting -- "The Dungeon of Monsters That Are Just Strong Enough to Really Challenge You"). Or dream bigger. If one has infinite ability to reverse and remake memory as one wishes, then one could at any point adapt any set of memories one ever could have had. Don't just live a different life, remember a different life. Then jump forward and remember all the different lives you lived -- each of which (when you lived them) you had erased the memories of all the others. Every single possible timeline is lived -- and can be relived in all its glory, as many times as one wants. For me, at least, this dissolves the problem of others' choices as well. If anyone can make not just any possible choice, but live through any possible timeline, what does it mean to ask which one is "real"? If your paradise involves loving and being loved by a particular someone, will in your paradise, the person you need to love you, loves you, and stays with you as long as you need. In their paradise, they might love someone else. You enjoy a timeline where people choose exactly the choices that would make you most happy; they live in a timeline which is the same for them. Of course, the sorts of philosophical questions that would raise (among others: What does it mean for the "same" person to simultaneously exist across multiple timelines? Who, exactly, is "choosing" which version they occupy? And if the one that does choose doesn't choose a timeline that involves them loving you back, is the version that does love you really "them"?) are even more esoteric and less accessible to a network audience than the moral philosophy questions The Good Place did try to introduce. So I don't blame them for skipping by it.

* * *

The last enemy to be defeated may not, after all, be death. It may be time.  Time ruins all things. Eventually you run out of it. And even if you never ran out of it -- you had infinite time -- it would defeat you in a different way: via boredom, repetition, and ennui. We can, perhaps, imagine a world where we vanquish death. But can we imagine one where (forgot about possibility, and just think conceptually) we defeat time? I can. Barely, but I can. Of course, it's in many ways a moot point, since I'm profoundly skeptical that humanity ever will master time in this way -- or even if it's practically possible (that it won't happen in my lifetime is actually less material, given that if it ever did happen we'd probably be at Omega Point anyway). But at least it holds out the possibility of an actual happy ending -- where the last enemy is truly vanquished, and nobody has to say goodbye. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/2GK19Yo

[decorativedust]

HNK chapter 77 thoughts ✨

the more i think about ch. 77, the less angry I am at the earth gems. 

I think the initial reading shocked everyone, but after taking time to consider it, I have my thoughts on it and why its not quite as horrific as I thought originally. I know a lot of people feel very strongly about this topic, but please bear with me for a bit. 

spoilers for ch. 77 below! 

other people have covered this topic already, but I’m going to throw my few cents in about what I think. 

As soon as the leaks dropped, a lot of people (including myself) were extremely distressed. And fair enough- we saw images of phos getting shattered to bits by their former team members and allies, without any sort of context or language to go off of. It was terrifying seeing phos a splatter on the ground like that. 

It only hurts worse knowing all that they’ve gone through. 

The entire situation just sucks, honestly, but I don’t think the earth gems were entirely out of line. 

Last time phos showed up, they essentially brought a small group of fighters, and the two groups demolished each other. Gems were injured on both side, and nearly permanently, as well. (Bort cut their hair- although they salvaged it and turned it into a whip- and Paddy nearly was very fucked up, if it wasn’t for the technology of the moon to save them) 

I think their main goal, though, and the entire reason that phos had everyone’s swords thrown at them in ch. 77 is because they were approaching sensei. Judging by this panel from ch 71, it seems that one of their main goals was to protect sensei. 

its been said that the gems care and love for sensei, and I think that clearly shows. Strategically speaking, it wasn’t an unwise move either- if sensei were to perish, it would be extremely hard, if not impossible, to ever end this war or for anyone to truly be satisfied. (lunarians want to be prayed for, gems want to not be captured and ground to dust, admiribilis want food and freedom, to sum it up as simply as possible.) 

To be frank, we have no idea what phos is planning on doing here. They’ve mentioned about shattering sensei before, and while I think they’ve come to realize that wouldn’t be very helpful for their current goals.... i mean, who knows? phos seems emotionally (and literally) broken at this point. 

if the look they have here in the previous panel is anything to go by, anyways. Phos has done, really, all they know to do. they went to earth with weapons drawn, that didn’t work. they tried getting sensei to talk before going to the moon, that didn’t work. now, they’re literally on their hand and knee, begging, and they got so close , only to be told that sensei simply... can’t. 

fatal defect sounds.. pretty intense to me. Perhaps the translation is off and the word ‘fatal’ is too intense (i don’t know japanese so i can’t really say much about that) but if we trust the translation, that sounds pretty much like “I just can’t”. Not a “i won’t,” but “I cannot.” 

Even as a reader, who has access to all of the information available in the story (meanwhile the characters are limited in their knowledge) I can’t exactly say what phos would do. So if I were an earth gem? I’d have no clue. Maybe phos is going to use their gold to attack sensei. Maybe they were just going to reach out and grasp at his clothes, maybe they were going to drag themselves closer. Their gold has proven to have an extremely wide range of abilities that no other gem possesses (except maybe cinnabar, but cinnabar can’t freely touch things with their mercury because of the poison) 

so taking that into account, this panel: 

hurts a little less. 

The earth gems, generally speaking, probably weren’t very thrilled or excited to do that. But they have to protect sensei- they want to protect him. 

Nobody really gave me the vibes that they ever wanted to see phos like this, that they wanted to hurt them more, or anything to that extent. Bort was likely simply incapacitating phos- if they really wanted to, they could’ve smashed phos to bits from the start. But it was one clean, incapacitating cut. 

Phos asked for this, and their plead was met. 

sphene was simply doing their job, and talked to phos pretty casually. 

euclase’s face seemed more full of ... pity? sympathy? sadness? 

the only character that seemed angry was rutile. 

this image is going to haunt me. thank you ichikawa. 

I think there’s also something we need to consider, being human beings, that gems probably don’t see ‘injuries’ as heavily as we do. If we are physically hurt by someone in a significant way, it hurts us. it scars us. it bleeds, it leaves marks, and it affects us in a certain way that I don’t really think pertains to gems. If they’re cracked or shattered, its just another day. They just put themselves back together. We’ve seen gems lose body parts pretty regularly, and just reattach them. The idea that gems don’t really fear- or even understand- death, has been around for quite awhile now, so I won’t go into that. I think the closest the gems have to death is being taken by the lunarians. Humans often associate injuries- particularly harsh ones, such as losing a limb, or even simply blood loss- are things we associate with death. If we hear someone is injured, we are quick to wonder how badly? or will they be okay? . Injuries can so easily lead to death, especially depending on where they are, but the gems.. simply don’t have that association, or those fears. 

Not to say that attacking each other can’t still be very upsetting, because it can. Yellow grew very quiet and likely very upset- perhaps even traumatized- over watching Padpa shatter the hell out of all of the gems back on earth a few chapters ago. 

But generally speaking, gems don’t process injuries the same as humans do. Bort slicing phos in half wasn’t permanent, and phos can be put back together. It was meant to incapacitate. 

Additionally, I think the earth gems have full, justified reason to be very uneasy towards phos and lunarians. They have been the enemy for thousands upon thousands  of years, and phos isn’t exactly known for being extremely intelligent. Perhaps phos was brainwashed, maybe the lunarians are lying. They really don’t have much good and proper reason to believe anything Phos says- but they gave phos a chance to talk. They’re trying. 

Everyone is trying. Everyone is tired, and everyone is suffering. War isn’t easy or simple or black and white. Especially when 99% of the characters do not know most of the information of what’s going on in their world. 

TL;DR: I believe the earth gems were justified in their actions, and weren’t excessive. Gems do not have the same views on injuries as humans do, and that should be taken into consideration. This chapter was upsetting at face value- but taking time to think about it leaves me feeling better. (and i cannot stress this enough- in a work like houseki no kuni/land of the lustrous, it is of utmost importance we carefully think over things many, many times. hnk rarely, if ever, is black and white. the characters are all very morally grey, and most are simply trying to do their best with what they know. The only character I could pin down as ‘evil’ is aechemea, but honestly? I’m hesitant to do even that. I sure as hell don’t trust him, and he seems to be written to be very distrustful, but ... we don’t have all the info on him. not yet.) 

I think this chapter, ultimately though, should still come across as upsetting. Phos was attacked and smashed to bits, after all, but given all the reasons I’ve listed above, it is ultimately a painful necessity. 

if you got to the end, thanks for reading my rambles. Hopefully this helps to add to the discussion, and maybe make this chapter a little less heartbreaking. 

[chelsieheartstriker]

Whether batman/superman should kill or not is a bogus fight because Zack's fans refuse to acknowledge the comics n only focus on his version of realism. Whether that realism is someone's cup of tea or not is another question entirely. But thinking it's only one group being dicks to the other and one group being hypocrites is biased perception. Neither his fans nor his haters have any right to bully each other but here non comic fans are on arrogant ignorant rant n talking over genuine criticism.

This is blatantly untrue. Zack’s fans are always acknowledging the comics and how Batman v Superman is a damn love letter to them. You want examples? Because I can give you those! How about…okay, how about this. The most common criticism I’ve seen about Man of Steel is that Superman doesn’t smile. Take a look at this, from Supergirl’s 2005 series:

Clark, just like Kara in these panels, is a person, not just some caricature that can never do wrong and always smiles no matter what happens or how horrible the circumstances. What makes him a hero isn’t that he always knows what the right thing to do is, isn’t that he’s perfect. It’s that every time he gets knocked down, he gets back up and keeps trying to do better.

Also, this is gatekeeping nonsense. I’m a comics fan. I’ve been a comics fan since I was six years old. I can hold an intelligent discussion about comics any day. But you want to know something? Nobody “knows” comics. Anyone that claims they do is a dumbass, because we’re talking about eight decades worth of material. There are dozens of equally valid interpretations, and it’s both ridiculous and offensive to dismiss the perspectives you don’t like by saying, oh, whoever thinks that must not read comics, because there is canonical evidence to support just about every statement anyone could make. At this point, Batman and Superman are far more than just comics characters. They are a part of our public consciousness. Does that mean that the comics don’t matter and shouldn’t be considered the purest form of the source material, no! But there is so much content out there, none fundamentally “more right” than the rest, that it is ridiculous to suggest that people don’t read them just because they interpret the characters in a different way than you do and appreciate different stories. If you’re claiming Zack doesn’t read comics…well, then I don’t think you know much about Zack Snyder. He loves comics enough to not only read them, but be critical of them, even when he’s basing an entire movie off a specific one.

BvS was very clearly based on The Dark Knight Returns. Duh. And the thing about The Dark Knight Returns is…I fucking can’t stand it. I think it’s a terrible comic. But Zack took it and flipped it around so that Superman is the hero and Batman has fallen. Built on it so it was way more than some macho power fantasy about Batman beating up government stooge Superman. That’s what he was deconstructing - the Miller idea of Batman. And he was reconstructing the idea of superheroes and morality and doing the right thing by setting it all in a universe where that’s hard. Where the threats aren’t just external and physical, but internal, psychological. Clark picked up a spear and sacrificed himself to defeat Doomsday for a world that hated and feared him, because that was what the right thing to do was. Because altruism matters. Because protecting those that can’t protect themselves matters. Because he may not have been born on Earth, but Earth is his home and humans are his people. I wrote this post nearly two years ago about how BvS reconstructs the concept of superheroes, and I stand by every word. Since I wrote it, not one person has been able to actually convince me that it is anything even close to a cynical story, much less that it’s a sign of a lack of respect for the comics.

And I’ve never actually heard genuine criticism. Most of what I’ve heard is people judging it for what it’s not, rather than what it is, or super subjective statements presented as fact. It’s more “Batman shouldn’t do this” than an honest evaluation of the movie itself and how that does or doesn’t succeed in expressing how he got to that point. It’s preconceived notions, not the movie itself.

[thirdmagic]

giant rambly walls of text post of headcanons and theories and general thoughts on david, roman and solomon ft lots of extrapolation

first of all, i basically think of archer david as like... if 'lazy cheerful mcdonlads loving manchild in a yukata dad' kerry got summoned into the body of his child self and went 'oh wow this is before Everything in my life went horribly wrong it almost feels like all that never happened!!' and got into it enough to try to recreate what he was like as a child. which i realize is a hilariously weird mental image but a close enough comparison. it's just in this case the difference isn't '30 year old and 10 year old (at most)' but '60-70 something very old man and late teens/early twenties'. on the surface level this david is much more David The Humble Nobody Shepherd Boy Who Beat A Giant then David The Anointed Powerful King, because most of the stuff this version draws on in his NP and skills are from this aspect of him. but it's also clearly very much not the same case as other younger/child servants. most younger versions are aware of their older selves and what happens to them in the future but aren't those people and haven't personally experienced these futures. but nearly everything david does talk about, experiences he calls back to, people he talks about, is stuff from his time on the throne. he talks about this time as something that happened to him personally. so this isn't really baby shepherd david even though his servant container draws on these aspects of him, it's David The King in the body of baby shepherd david.

but what i find most interesting, is that he seems to really play into this image/role... like it's a deliberate choice/preference on his part or something consciously cultivated. there's what he says is tamacat's interlude, but also his my room line that outright has him saying 'sure i used to be a king, but don't worry about it, it's whatever, i'm just a shepherd now and i want to take this chance as a servant to be just that'. the impression is that he's very much trying to distance himself from his king-self and that entire part of his life which is... in its own way a lost cause and he probably does this knowing it's a lost cause, given that's what he spent the majority of his life doing and how everything he calls back to is from that life. that shepherd boy is just not the person he is anymore and hasn't been for a long time, but i think that's why he prefers to be summoned in this specific physical form and in this specific class that draws on this part of his life- the servant container/class makes it easier to act the part, to put that undesirable aspect of himself aside. so long as he's not summoned as a king he doesn't need to act like one nor feel like he has the responsibilities of one. and being a king clearly kind of sucked as far as he’s concerned.

now i mentioned before that biblical david is super kerrycore so while i don't know how much fate would even want to incorporate this side of the original version... idk, i'm really into the idea and think it's just potentially super interesting to take this parallel full circle and for david the king to be the figurative equivalent to cold blooded assassin magus killer kerry. it gives extra weight to why he'd want to just put aside this part of his life and lean in fully into a whole other role/identity that has nothing to do with kingship and why he acts Extra carefree and frivolous: because he spent most of his life as everything but that. because he couldn't be this way so long as he acted as king, because the responsibility and the role demanded that he had to suppress this aspect of himself and also that he act in ways he might not have really wanted to even as he understood that it was needed. he was good at doing the dirty and unpleasant stuff and he understood the necessity of it; he had a talent for it, in a sense, even if it wasn't a talent for something he liked or enjoyed. it goes well with him talking about how he dislikes battle in conjunction to how he was a very military focused leader-- something he never wanted to engage in or do, but that the role of the king demanded of him.

because his biblical depiction is from the very start, from the first goliath story, more of a cunning politician and warrior than anything else. he's subtle, sly and calculating, not afraid to get his hands dirty and do undignified things to get where he needs to, and very conscious and aware of all that goes around him, including how he's seen by other people and how he needs to act as if he were in front of an audience. he finds creative and subtle ways to get around most problems, but he also knows when a problem is best solved violently and doesn't hesitate to commit to that solution. (most unlike fate david though, he's also super hot-tempered and fairly quick to Stabbity Stab if someone pissed him off lmao and has to be talked down at least once from Doing A Murder)

this is compounded by how, in general, the narrative very very often leaves us in the dark about what he's really feeling or thinking in a lot of pivotal moments and leaves us often to wonder about his sincerity and true motivations. his story in the bible is essentially the unraveling of this kind of hyper competent and skilled person as he gets more and more exposed to the reader emotionally and personally, as we see more and more of his weakness and vulnerability and his real flawed and imperfect core is revealed. the narrative is at once both critical of him while still remaining firmly on his side and sympathetic towards him, and the main thing that keeps him sympathetic as a character in this way, through his darkest moments and most questionable behavior, is that he's 1) unquestionably devoted to God and nearly flawlessly pious, which is for obvious reasons a significant virtue for both the original writer and the original audience the narrative was meant for, and 2) very good at handling criticism, accepting that he made mistakes, and making amends/fixing things when he needs to. which he does a lot of.

so basically, yeah: ruthless stabby killer who's a clever and sly pragmatist, but also a Sad and vulnerable dad. that's what i meant lmao that's the exact same aesthetic as kerry.

and something you'll find pointed out very, very often by any literary analysis or any analysis at all, is his humanity; it's something that can be ascribed to many, many biblical characters but is applied to him as a defining trait in particular. and that's.... even better and gets even more interesting for fate david specifically when pitted against solomon, the perfect, flawless inhuman king. there's a consistent thematic thread in fate of being an ideal vs being a human being, especially for kings and other types of leaders, and in this context i think you can do a lot with david as someone who, instead of giving in/fully committing to one at the expense of the other, went for a balance between the two-- and struggled with that balance. he succeeded in many ways as a king and was good at it, but in some ways he lost that struggle because he failed to find that balance and gave in to humanity at the worst of times, and it's those moments which led to both his biggest mistakes and his biggest tragedies. it's interesting to me because it's different from the patterns that characters like kerry and saber establish, and it offers a perspective on this dilemma that also explains why people like them commit to this all-or-nothing approach to it.

and it's also interesting to me to compare to solomon, but especially the fact that when put in context-- that god sees david and decides to make solomon the way he is seemingly in response-- the implication is one of a background 'story' that's very consistent to an interesting pattern about god in genesis: that he's always trying out new ways to interact with this world he created through humanity and having to retry after each one attempt doesn’t quite go well. he started with adam and eve and they disobeyed him, when he tried to with all of humanity and when they turned away from him and degenerated morally he had to destroy them all with the flood. then he tried to create this connection/interaction through just one person and then just one nation from this person, and that's how he came to form the covenant with us. humans are constantly ruining his plans and he's constantly having to adjust and try or test new things. and i like the idea that he's also trying to do something similar with the kings and leaders he appointed to this chosen nation; he tried with the judges who were all scattered leaders that couldn't unite the tribes, then tried with saul who was just kind of a weak leader and king in general and couldn't handle it, tried with david, and then looked at him and went, okay, i did pretty well with this one, he's served me well but it's still not what i need. so, god reasons, if his problem is that his humanity was what got in the way then clearly the problem is that i look to humans as my representatives in the world. so clearly i need someone who can interact with humans and the human world as one of them but won't have their flaws. and so that gives us some background to and explains solomon's circumstances.

now in fgo itself the exact circumstances of solomon's birth and why he was born as he was are kind of vague, and i haven't seen anything in materials or other canon sources to elaborate (Dark Nasu, Show Me The Forbidden Solomon Backstory) but the one, somewhat cryptic line we're given to explain is that he was offered by david to god to make him into a greater king than he was. that's not exactly what happened in the original story but not really wrong either. it's a fairly legit and logical take on what happened there imo. what we're told is that god looked at baby solomon and went 'oh yeah, this kid seems pretty legit, i like this one' (when he was already born, not before that), and through a prophet, gives him a second name that literally means 'friend to god'. then, many, many chapters later, when david is old as balls and senile and slowly dying and there's a succession crisis blooming, nathan (who was the one that gave solomon his second name, as this part of the story’s acting prophet) has bathsheba resolve it by, ahem, 'reminding' him that he promised her that solomon will succeed him. and it's kind of Highly Conspicuous that we have never seen nor been told that this promise happened in the one part of the narration where it would have been most relevant to include so it's not out of the question that nathan had her persuade him of something that never happened because he was kind of very malleable at that point and with shit going down in court they needed a fast solution.

with that in mind i think fate goes under the assumption that this promise was actually real, and that the only major difference here outside of the magic/nasuverse specific elements is that solomon being chosen this way was something that happened before he was actually born, so it connected the two and combined them with how he's characterized in the chapters afterwards as the Good Flawless King and then with all sort of external sources that i can't really speak of since they’re not my area. the other main difference is the implication that david actually played a part in solomon's divine kingly destiny and planned on him being king from the start and specifically offered for god to raise him as such. and there's precedent for something like that with samuel who basically got offered by his mother to be raised as a divine prophet/judge, and the circumstances are more or less similar. samuel was offered by his mother to be in service to god and was raised by priests, which is close enough to being raised by god i guess? but he was totally separated from his parents, and he was definitely absolutely not inhumanly flawless lmao. so i think what david offered is roughly to the extent of 'i will give you my son to raise as his father instead of me, so you could raise him into the kind of king i couldn't be, while i'll stay out of his life so you can do your thing with him as you need'. and with samuel as an example for a similair offer/deal, i think he was expecting a normal human child, just one who'd grow up into a very skilled, competent king and without david's own flaws. and i imagine he was not planning on how it actually turned out for everyone involved.

and as for the reason why he even made the offer in the first place, i chose to look to the promise as the hint to the answer: at least part of it should likely be piousness and sincerely wanting to provide god with the kind of person he couldn't be, but it also means bathsheba, who became his wife under less then ideal circumstances and who lost both her husband and the first child she ever had and that should have been her husband's to his actions and his punishment, has guaranteed protection under her status as the king's mother and isn't thrown to the wolves when he dies, which is the issue she appeals to when she asks him to officially appoint solomon as his successor. being the king's mother gives her control and power in a world where she'd otherwise be in a very precarious position. theeeeeeeeennnn there's also some tradition-- i don’t remember much but i know it exists-- that claims she was his Favorite of his wives, probably for shallow reasons, though i don't think there's much internal textual evidence of that, but that's also A Thought. (i'm just saying, if they ended up developing an actually good connection and ended up loving each other for real that'd be a fascinating and very nasu twist but idk if i'm officially adopting that as my hc yet)

then there's the question of david's relationship to solomon.... there's different takes on it, from what i've seen in fancomics and stuff that does have transltions, and what i managed to understand from untranslated stuff. one interesting one is that david emotionally distanced himself as a result of the trauma of losing the baby from his initial affair with bathsheba, so he kept this distance from the second son he had with her so as to avoid something like that again-- -out of fear he'll lose him again if he allows himself to get emotionally attached. it's a trauma that would certainly be compounded after he lost tamar, amnon and then absalom and how that entire incident really broke him. i don't know if i totally subscribe to that but i think it's on to something.

in general i think of david as not a cruel or abusive father but definitely an emotionally distant one and not very actively present in his children's lives. the struggle of balancing being a king and being a human being had a wrench thrown in it when among all the roles he had to play came up the role of a father, which he just had zero understanding of how to approach or how it fits in with that balance-- the inhuman role of a king and the very human role of father are far more difficult to separate in the world of politics and the court, for him. drawing in from the source text, even in the bible you get the strong sense that he's not very attentive at the best of times, but the moment he loses any of his children, his grief is almost always overwhelming and unsubtle, even if it always manifests differently. in fgo materials their relationship is described as an indifferent one, which is to say, it's not a bad relationship because there's not much of a relationship at all to be good or bad, and i think it was sort of the case with most of his relationships with his children. of course, i also doubt there were absolutely no feelings or affection involved and that it was a totally apathetic one-- on david's part at least. solomon would have been given no room for human attachments such as family or the involved feelings, which means he'd also not feel the pain of the absence of such a thing or the need to have it. if he was given room to feel any sort of familial affection, it's likely a very shallow, vague one.

roman, i think, probably just has a lot of very complicated feelings on it that he's not sure what to do with and doesn't himself really understand. i also think this distance also means he never really understood david or was given the chance to, or, due to his own nature, been given any reason to want to. the absence of this relationship is something he feels in this new human life and understands that it was there and that it was not a good thing, but in a very vague way he's doesn't have the words for; he feels disconnected from it all because even as solomon he was very emotionally disconnected from his family and all that happened in it. and now there's the amount of time has passed and how long ago it would have been for him and how overall irrelevant it all ended up being for him... that david wasn't much of a father to him ends up not mattering much in practice because everything would have turned out the same even if he was, and it's hard to miss something he never felt he ever actually had. he knows there's an absence but doesn't feel it because solomon didn't feel it, and roman never got to experience any of it as roman.

and then he actually gets to meet david again thanks to chaldea. which is completely different as a human being with, like, Feelings, when you have all this knowledge in mind, and to look at a real breathing living human (figuratively speaking) right in front of you and for that person to register as Father in your head is a completely different experience then. it goes from a sort of vague, disconnected regret to a real, emotional understanding of what it is to have a father you never managed to connect to and who kept a distance from you for reasons you don’t understand, and then having the chance to form a connection, all while trying to figure out what the heck is going on with him because he's nothing like what you remember in life.

basically i think the first thing roman thought when he saw david was roughly something like 'whomst the fuckest is [waves hands vaguely] this guy because that is so not my dad', and it slowly segued into 'okay no now i see it, that's closer to the sort of things he'd say or do, but still, what the fuck'. he starts seeing david in an entirely new way on one hand after being exposed to this completely different side to him, but it's also confusing to re-contextualize with all his memories of him and how different he is. the last time they talked, david was on his deathbed giving him a list of people he wants him to murder the shit out of, and another list of people he absolutely does not want him to murder, and his last words were basically 'i leave it up to you how you'll do it legally but i need you to kill that motherfucker dead'. his last moments on the earth he still spent not as a father speaking to a son, but as a king to his successor. ... which suddenly he can also bring himself to feel actual strong feelings about when all of this begin to feel much more personal and much less distant, and also makes the absence of this relationship actually feel tangible, including the feelings of vague regret, maybe a desire to reconnect and to really develop this relationship now that he has the chance to actually know his dad, maybe even some kind of affection for the man-- and when it starts going there that's when he panics because he was not asking for this and does not want these feelings they're really bad and horribly inconvenient this is literally the worst time to be awakening to them!!!!!!

it's all a moot point, of course, because he can't even if he admitted to himself that he wanted to; he can't afford the risk of anyone that's not da vinci knowing, much less someone like this person who he doesn't really know or understand and wouldn't have his trust even under normal circumstances. but and in between all these considerations, he looks at david and wonders about him, wonders how to talk to him-- he  knows how to talk, as solomon, to His Majesty The King or to his father the king, but he doesn't know how to talk as a human being to someone he knows to be his father, person to person. he's both familiar and a complete stranger, and talking to him is just a source of headaches not just because of his general personality but because of this particular dissonance. and it's worse because he's also completely undecipherable and he can't tell what he's thinking at least half the time. as easy it might be to dismiss him and think there's nothing beyond what's going on on the surface, he still knows his dad well enough to understand that this is just not the case. and there's a lot of hindsight reflection over his childhood memories and of everything he does remember and in some way putting these things in a new context.

in practice how this manifests is really mostly that he just sort of hovers just outside his orbit, wanting to approach but avoiding at the last second, thinking all these things but not really doing anything beyond that, at one avoiding him and still being unable to resist the urge to engage with him anyway.

.... anyway this post got way way too big and i'm not sure how to end it, but these are almost all the thoughts/hcs i’ve developed for the past year or so. maybe a few minor things i missed or forgot.