#the next one is brutal
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Wounded Healer 2
TW: reference to kidnap, reference to branding, brain injury, panic, reference to past sexual abuse, reference to being drugged against will
Despite how heinous the job description was, Jake didn't mind the clean and crisp clinic in the basement already stock full of any supplies and equipment he would need and even not need. The bed, the stocked cabinets, everything was better than any clinic he had ever worked in during residency. At least he would have his own space.
“He's waiting for you.”
Jake stepped back from the counter and turned to glare at the man. Dressed in black, tall, and wearing sunglasses.
What was this? The Matrix? “I'll see patients in my clinic just like everyone else.”
“Not this guy. He's special. He's your uncle's favorite and . . . we wouldn't want to disappoint, would we?” His voice had sunk to the dangerously low level like a knife in Jake's side. A threat.
Jake huffed, feeling more like one of his uncle's puppets than anything else. It was a new realization, as of yesterday when he stared at the birthday cake. Being a puppet was part of the job description. His uncle might have loved him and paid for his schooling but . . . for what end?
He shook his head, fighting the thoughts. His uncle loved him and raised him. No one could hide behind pseudo-love for that long. He couldn’t have been a pawn this whole time. His uncle loved him.
He pushed himself roughly from the counter and grabbed a bag full of unpacked supplies only to follow Sunglasses out of the safety of his clinic.
His uncle's mansion was enormous. Five stories. With his clinic in the basement, Jake climbed four sets of stairs to get to a hallway identical to the rest.
A scream pierced the hallway and Jake went rigid, his feet frozen in the exact spot he had stepped when the scream hit him.
Anguish. Pain more than Jake could even comprehend.
The scream ended when all the air left the lungs it came from and was replaced by ragged breaths. No pleading.
“Come.”
They stopped in front of the door that several were now exiting, one holding a rod still white with fiery heat and the other two wrestling an empty body bag into a smaller shape.
“Shit,” he spat under his breath. There had clearly been a kidnap. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Sunglasses pushed him with a hand against his shoulder blade but it felt more like a bulldozer knocking him into the room. He tripped on his anxious feet and fell against the bed. He threw a growl toward the door before it was slammed and locked behind him.
Seriously? What had been the point to all of that? Locking him in? Or . . .
The overwhelming scent of charred human flesh filled Jake's nostrils but he had no time to gag when the ragged breathing turned up a notch. Jake turned at the sound.
Or was it to keep this prisoner in?
Naked and tucked next to the bed sitting in fetal position, staring at him as if Jake were the next in line to find pleasure and suck his soul dry.
Jake flew up from the bed and backed away. He slammed into the wall and heaved in breath, staring in terror at the sight before him.
His uncle's captive barely flinched, rather closed his eyes in submission and relaxed the side of his head against the bed as if—
“Are you alright?”
The captive’s eyes opened slowly and still his pupils were slightly off even after he corrected his vision and tried again.
A TBI.
“Don't try to move. My name is Jake. I'm the doctor and have no intention of hurting you. I'm not . . . I'm not them.”
The captive dropped their gaze as Jake took a step forward.
“Is it alright if I come closer?”
He attempted to nod from the looks of it but whimpered instead and choked out a stream of bile with his eyes closed tightly.
Definitely a TBI.
“You have a brain injury. Don't try to move. I'm going to check your head for bumps.”
He knelt before the captive and placed a hand on his head, surprised when the man gritted his teeth and pushed himself against Jake's chest. Was this trust or desperation?
Jake wrapped himself around the man and held him, biting his lip when the man began to cry, his back heaving with sobs.
“I'm so sorry,” Jake whispered. “I'm so sorry.”
The man was weak as it was and didn't last long with crying. He sunk further into Jake's embrace and breathed.
Jake used a hand to rake through the man's hair, half for comfort and half for checking for injuries. Unfortunately, there was one but, fortunately only one, just above the man's ear against his temporal lobe. The blood had freely run its course, filling the ear and running toward the opposite shoulder. He must have been stripped a while ago and laying down for a quite some time but now the blood was dried and flaky.
“You'll feel better after a little rest. You got whacked hard. Can I help you into the bed?”
The man stopped himself before his instincts could shake his head too quickly. Instead he opened his mouth. “No. Please no.” It was hardly a whisper but Jake understood why there was urgency behind that no.
“Let me grab a pillow.”
He unwound around the man and retrieved a pillow. Eventually the man would be cold if he wasn't already but there were no blankets so Jake ripped the comforter off and let it fall to the floor beside them.
“Let's lay you down.”
It pained the man immensely to lie down, Jake could tell. An enormous brand blistered and bled against his right breast, directly over the nipple and, in a clinical way, Jake hoped that was the only bodily injury. Once the man's head touched the pillow he collapsed and quieted. Jake pulled the comforter over his form and rummaged through his bag, retrieving sanitizer and a bandage.
“I'm going to touch your wrist to feel your pulse,” he warned before reaching under the comforter and grasping the shaking limb. The pulse was obviously high but there were too many variables at play. “And now I'll work on your head wound.”
It was swollen and could be worse than Jake could feel. But there was no way to know without his clinic. He cleansed the cut and wrapped the bandage around the man's head. All the while, the man was still and dozy.
Jake was lost. Did he leave now? What would happen to the captive next? Could he ensure a hot breakfast and shower? Or did wellness here simply mean staying alive?
Luckily, the man answered every question in three simple words.
The man's wrist, still pressed inside Jake's palm, jerked back, only to be replaced with trembling, cold fingers that wound around Jake's forearm. “Please, don't go.”
So Jake hunkered down and nodded. “I'm not going anywhere.”
. . .
Gerard had planned this day for years. Ten to be exact. His little Mico was good at hiding which had built up enough anger in Gerard to want to punish him. And punishment would come. But, apparently, not now.
After ten years and a stupid phone call comes out of no where.
From his long lost sister. Inviting herself over without waiting for him to agree.
Why the hell did she have to ruin everything?
He pinched the bridge of his nose, trudging down the last of the steps to the foyer.
“She's waiting in your study, sir,” his butler-like employee said.
It wouldn't be hard to throw her out. She'd be knocked up on some drugs soon and probably wouldn't even remember a thing.
But he had always done everything for this bitch and old habits die harder when they are last minute.
The door opened for him and he stepped inside, grounding himself to see some druggie that pleaded for more money. He'd always willing give her the drugs, no money needed.
But there was no druggie in sight.
Just a woman who sat rigidly on a couch and watched him with a smirk.
Gerard's gut rolled uneasily but, even then, he still blinked his eyes to make sure it was actually her. It couldn’t be.
“There's my big brother,” she stated and stood.
She was toned now, Gerard noticed instantly. It has been years since he'd last seen her. And he hated every second of it. Just like Mico, she'd disappeared. He'd send drugs the best he could to her but they would always come back, returned.
“Where have you been?” he asked, keeping his voice free of any disdain toward this troublesome brat.
“Working, actually.”
“And you didn't think to keep in touch?”
Her voice widened in mock surprise and Gerard but back a snarl.
“Keeping in touch?” she gasped. “Well, you're right that I didn't even think about it. You've meant about as much to me as . . . you know those loogies that people spit in the parking lot of Target? And you step in it and nothing will wipe it off but you're so grossed out that you throw your shoes away and try not to puke the whole way home? And then you get angry because you loved those shoes so you go back to Target and stalk the next bastard that spits a loogie and you put a dent in his car? Well, that's as close as I can get to how much you mean in my life. So . . . no, I didn't think to keep in touch. But you sure did!”
She paused at his face hardening, her smile only widening.
“All those drugs you kept trying to send me. I always thought you were doing me a favor. Until it hit me one day that I was gang raped. By you and Dad and Grandpa. You got me on drugs to use me and then you kept me on drugs to keep me out of the way.”
Gerard could only gawk. What had happened to his little sister? She wasn't threatened at all anymore. Gerard needed to punch someone.
“What can I help you with?” he said instead of all the insults lined up. Mico was waiting for him.
“Nothing. Just wanted to catch up,” she smiled. “I'll find my own way out.”
Her heels clicked like angry little bitches on her way out. Gerard should have followed her. But he had better things to do with his life.
Which was too bad because he didn't see his sister turn the wrong corner.
#wounded healer#whump community#whump writing#whump#original writing#the next one is brutal#i always get so nervous to post the brutal ones
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Watching Andor, and going just as insane over this season as the first one. These characters are gonna be rattling around my head for a long time
(No spoilers please, I haven’t finished it yet)
#my art#cassian andor#andor fanart#andor#(it’s a screenshot from Rogue One but it counts)#rogue one#star wars#star wars fanart#NEEDED to draw him#still only halfway and going insane#dreading the next few episodes cause if they’re anything like the start they’re gonna be brutal but also I KNOW they’ll be brilliant
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you know when like, two characters are perfectly smart and competent when they're on their own but if they're within a hundred meters from each other all of their braincells kind of just... repel each other until all that is left is a barren wasteland of stupidity?
that's these two
#ichi the witch#madan no ichi#gokuraku the brutalizer#itw spoilers#m mnis#should you put their heads next to each other so that their ears align#if you blew into one it'd come out the other's#i love them!!
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Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱

@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now
#epic the musical#own art#epic the vengeance saga#epic poseidon#epic odysseus#get in the water#Look at him he's still so ✨extra✨#cw suggestive#cw nudity#at least i guess kinda?? nothing is technically visible but#guys i cant be the only one to whom this song has very VERY strikingly h*rny undertones#it's not just steven's suddenly quite sultry voice either#just think about how this is essentially “get into the water - which I control entirely - with me :)”#poseidon's trying to make him submit himself to him it's another power game#but this time it's so much more intimate#i mean the whole of get in the hundred strike is about brutal intimacy so i shouldnt be surprised ig#me omw to ruin this song for y'all forever i guess#just if you think about the implications what killing him in this way—drowning him—might entail before he would actually die#complete control and envelopment ... you have imaginations guys#use them to follow this train of thought further in this direction and you will realize#my guy could literally just impale him with his trident or sth#but nope—“drown. Get into my domain. Get into (an extension of) me. Submit your whole being to me. let me envelope you wholly."#or “grant me a moment of total control over you before i end your life just in the way that I imagine and see fit”#this is made so much funnier by the fact that poseidon completely fails to make odysseus submit in any way#and ends up submitting himself#yes i am doing 600 strike doodles next i shall have fun#i guess i should tag this even though this is genuinely not ship art just a part of the power game and poseidon's general h*rniness#odyseidon#poseidon x odysseus#odysseus x poseidon
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Doing a warmup practicing with the new brush I'm using for NecroFantasia.
I wasn't super interested in Zenless till now, it was pretty disappointing but HOO BOY do I loooooooove Harumasa! He's so wonderful~ And he's so cute with Belle! Their personalities and colors are just yummy~
#HaruBelle#is that the ship name?#It sounds like HORRIBLE so I'm going with it!#zenless zone zero#zenless harumasa#asaba harumasa#zenless belle#my favorite colors yellow and orange!#I like that you can be super gentle and sweet with him one minute and absolutely brutal the next
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I write fragile on a dozen boxes salvaged from recycling I forgot to take out before I knew I was moving and my hand shakes even more each time. The lines bleed off the box corners and into me. I'm fragile, you see.
#poem#poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#long story short i have made choices in my life such that my only option when i hit this present juncture#was to move home and i am not handling the lack of choice well#in my first year living here especially i bought beautiful fragile things because i love beautiful fragile things and because i thought#i was on the path that my next move would be my last one. i was going to buy a home and that would be it and i'd only need to pack up#my whole life once more and so i could justify the vintage vases and such. but the past couple of years have been brutal on me#and i've made choices that i stand by and choices that i don't and now i'm moving home and it's less than ideal but i'll make it work#perhaps this is short story long#anyway. before i first moved in my roommate texted me from home depot because she and her boyfriend were at home depot#and i was at work at the time. and she wanted to know what color i wanted my room because they were gonna paint my room that day#and i didn't have time to make a decision and she's an artist with a great eye so i sent her my pinterest decor board and said maybe a gree#like this kind of green? and she got this gorgeous green reminiscent of a paris green that looks amazing with all my art on the walls#but i just had to take the art down. i'm in the middle of the task actually. and now it's just this big green expanse#and i'm not feeling so good about leaving this place#but the way i felt so safe and so loved when i got that text and when i got here and saw that the room was painted bc they wanted me to sta#the past few years have been not so good in a lot of ways like i said but this place was an island of peace for me when things were rough#anyway. fragile. thanks for listening
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happy november 1 to Sam Carpenter who can’t even rest the day after ending an entire bloodline bc now she’s gotta wait in the dmv line all day to renew her license
#just one tragedy after the next for her😔🙏#sam needs a BREAK#those dmv lines are brutal fr#sam carpenter#scream
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@little-meowyao a naive and temporary sense of belonging u.u
#mdzs#nieyao#meng yao#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#jgy#nmj#i'm so normal about jgy having nie braids. so normal.#however needing to DRAW nie braids is a whole separate matter what a nightmare#i am so grateful that i get to shove that stupid hat on jgy's head most of the time because trying to figure out how to draw these braids#in a way that is a) recognizable and b) not completely idiotic is brutal#i have no idea if i succeed at either one of these goals#anyway i like to think that the precursor to this picture is:#nie huaisang (intentionally) messing around with meng yao's hair but not actually giving him FORMAL nie braids#(since he's not sect leader he doesn't TECHNICALLY have the right to invite him to do that)#(but he does make a mess of meng yao's hair and meng yao is just waiting for a way to politely slip away and fix it)#nmj sees it though and is like ''you can't walk around like that. you look ridiculous. sit. i'm fixing this.''#at which point he DOES give meng yao proper nie braids#(not that he like. explains anything about them. meng yao is smart he'll understand. obviously.)#nie huaisang is smug as a cat who got the cream when he sees them the next day and promises to teach meng yao how to maintain them#my art#honestly i think nieyao is one of my favourite ships out of any of mxtx's works it's SO good#maybe even top three? they're just so bad for each other on every conceivable level and i want to play with them like a chew toy#i also i want someone to save jgy so badly. so badly.
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did every hero really follow endeavor's plan during the jail break? I've never watched bnha, but I always figured there were more heros then Japan knew what do with. Was endeavor really just that worried about how the fight again AFO would go? and did AFO have the league with him? or other prison escapees? Given eraserhead was so entrenched?
As a preliminary matter--yes, it was way more than AfO. The League basically did what they did during the USJ arc and subcontracted their violent attacks. They needed a big force to first get AfO and everyone else out of Tartarus, and then they made it very clear (via loudspeaker and also fucking tweet) that they would all be very peacefully retreating while all those criminally insane and violent motherfuckers went that other direction. Ball's in your court as to how you want to tackle it.
AfO was the biggest threat, by fucking far, but it was far from isolated to him. It was the entire League of Villains + Their Very Special Friends. It was the kind of force that would be required to make the entirety of Tartarus fall for the first time in history. So the heroes had plenty to keep them busy.
And as to whether Endeavor was that scared about the next fight with AfO... Yeah.
I think bnha does a good job at establishing that All Might and AfO just exist at entirely different levels than every other person alive. Their fight leveled a decent chunk of Kamino. And I think that's kind of power and devastation is hard to conceptualize as like, people in a world where we don't have to worry about superhero fights. (as a side note--Sukuna's Big Fight in the Shibuya arc from JJK did better than any other fight in media to really capture the sheer cosmic horror of being caught as a bystander in one of those fights).
But endeavor saw it. He was there for AfO’s and All Might’s last fight. The gods were fighting. Everyone else was just an ant.
He is facing the villain that ultimately took down All Might. All Might won Kamino, sure. But he didn't get up again after. He was permanently and irreversibly taken out of play. And Endeavor has spent the last year feeling like he was struggling to be even half of what All Might was with two hours of productivity a day. He was so consistently voted to not be able to compare to All Might that he bought a wife and had four kids about it, all of whom hate him actively.
He does not think he is winning this fight. He is Japan's number one hero. The responsibility is going to fall to Midoriya Izuku to him. He is the best they have left, and the fight that would be coming was one that already nearly killed All Might, the one guy he has never ever been able to compare to. And when he really looked himself in the mirror and asked if he could stop AfO, the answer was no.
And it wouldn't just be AfO if he came back to power. It would be his followers--and he was liable to get more than just the current League of Villains roster. It would mean more Nomus. They could barely handle one Nomu--how could they possibly handle the Nomus, and the LoV, and AfO?
And the answer that he came to was that they couldn't. Not without All Might.
He thought he was sacrificing Yokohama for every single other city AfO was going to level if he had time to grow in strength again. He thought that if they threw absolutely everything they had at him while he was weak, then maybe they could contain him and the League before entire cities fell.
So. That's why he came to that decision. Why did every hero fall into line?
So what’s key to what happened here was it was this complete structural breakdown at exactly the wrong time.
Structural Flaw #1: Transportation
Was it every hero in Japan that responded to Endeavor’s order? No. But not every hero in Japan was available. Any heroes out of the immediate area were too far away to do shit.
But it's a massive crisis. Heroes would commute from all over if they could--but it's not about desire, it's about time and resources. With how imminently emergent the threat was, a lot of far-away heroes would need something like a jet to even conceivably get there in time.
Who is sending the jet?
Let's pin down what heroes could, conceivably, get there in time. Very few heroes are in walking distance. How do heroes typically get from Point A to Point B?
Hero society in bnha is an agency model. There is no communal pool of resources--you have what your agency has. You have a jet to transport you if your agency has the money for one, and I’m pretty sure only all might had that (he has since had it dismantled and the parts repurposed for the sake of the environment. He only had it to begin with so he could quickly respond to imminent threats. All Might thinks there's more than one way to save the world and saving the environment is part of it). Like. We even saw Endeavor flying fucking commercial.
But let's just assume, arguendo, that some agencies have jets. It would have to be the very top agencies to possibly afford it.
All of whom are shown in canon to mostly operate out of the same area. So they're going to have to send the jet somewhere else to get more heroes. Now any travel time is doubled. If they do send it out, how many people are they realistically getting? Are these heroes in multiple different cities? That's more travel time then. Maybe we just land the plane in Kyoto and whoever gets on in the twenty minute period while they're refueling is who is coming back. We'll hand them parachutes and kick them out the plane door over Yokohama. Okay. Good plan. Go team.
Who is sending the jet?
Like, who is physically making the call to send the jet? Who do they call? Do they just start ringing around their buddies and seeing if they have other plans? The city is on fucking fire and we need people fighting now, so the big name heroes don't have time to organize transport with other agencies. They’re not even thinking of that right now. Make it a sidekick's job.
They are all on fucking strike.
Fuck it. Fine. Make it an admin's job. There has to be some kind of office staff who can work a telephone who's available.
Who is thinking to send the jet?
Admins are not making strategic calls about where the company jets go. There would have to be some kind of protocol in place or someone with the authority to send the jet would have to think of it in the moment. And I guarantee you this would not be the case.
Because this is a society where they have canonically semi-privatized public safety and put people in direct competition with each other over it.
ASIDE: The Economic Structure of Heroics and Why It Sucks
I have an economic structure. You must listen to it. I promise it is relevant. This is why it takes me forever to do things it's because i get too deep into the weeds and have to explain the fucking economic structures underpinning the analysis for my nonsense to make sense.
How the fuck do heroes get paid?
I have no idea if canon ever tells us because to be so for real with you guys I have not watched this show in years. I haven’t cared about canon since the Shie Hassaikai arc. The fucking YouTuber arc broke me. I literally never watched it again. If they ever explain to us how heroes get paid I do not know and I do not care. I refuse to go back to canon. Everything I found out about canon after the Shie Hassaikai arc, I learned against my will. The ending to this story was so fucking stupid and I only have a scattered knowledge of the details but I’m still right. If canon ever tries to explain it then please do not tell me, I refuse to learn more things about this show.
But I still like poking around the potential economic structures based on the part of canon that doesn’t cause me psychic damage. So here’s the thought process for the economic underpinnings of hero society in the pez universe.
From canon, we know it can be an enormously lucrative profession, we know that it involves some degree of private interests (re: merch lines), and we know that there are some people who cannot have merch lines (Underground Heroes, e.g. Eraserhead), so there also must be some kind of public funding aspect to it as well. So. Who the fuck signs your paycheck?
Sources of Funding
a. Public Funding
There must be some kind of official governmental budget for heroics. Like. They are very much a public service. There would be no way to have a fully private heroics force without government funding. What else are you supposed to do, fucking Venmo heroes after they save you? Do they put your kitten back in the tree if you don’t have enough.
In my mind, there's public funds allocated to heroes as part of a city's budget. That funding is allotted based on the number of employees in a given entity balanced against the confirmed acts of heroics of that same given entity. There’s a base salary level and that can be increased based on how successful you are, but salary isn’t exclusively what this fund is for. The heroic entity (an individual hero or an Agency) is effectively receiving grant money from the government to run their agency. You put it into salaries, gear, office space, everything. The government is basically investing in heroes, and it’s investing more in heroes who are shown to have a greater positive impact on society.
It involves overly complex calculations regarding the scaled difficulty of a given bust/rescue/act and ranking of the villain (if there is one) and the overall public benefit for the service rendered. You get bonuses for having a lower average property damage, for contributing to community building projects, that kind of thing. It is Complex. There is a lot of paperwork that has to be submitted to strange and vaguely threatening government accountants. When Mirio and Izuku start their agency, they will burst into tears multiple times trying to figure it out once filing season rolls around, bundle all the paperwork in a Massive Tears And Shame Package, mail it off to the shadowy powers at be, and then get a perfunctory notice that they are getting a ludicrous amount of the city budget allotted to their dinky little agency for the upcoming fiscal year because they are Big Fucking Heroes and enormously good at what they do and it reflects in their stats. They will then lay on the ground of their haunted fucking office and stare at the ceiling for a very long period of time.
But this puts the heroes in competition with each other. Your public funding is chained to your stats under this model. There's only so many criminals out there--you've got to get the right numbers or it cuts into how much of a slush fund the agency is working with.
It's sort of an insane model for a public servant position, but I think it matches with what canon shows us. Imagine having firefighters pitted against each other. like, having a competitive model for public safety raises extreme concerns about how it incentivizes public servants to act.
But this isn't canon's model. It's my guess as to how canon works based on the hints i can remember and my own mental illness. So why do I think canon suggests a model like this?
It's because 1) canon does establish that heroes are in competition with one another and 2) this kind of model would likely be necessary due to the level of autonomy that heroes have.
The literal first fight we see involves heroes in competition with each other. Kamui Woods is doing a big Ultimate Move, and Mount Lady rushes in and steals the show. Like. that is crazy behavior if we are looking at this through the lens of a typical public servant. Imagine you're trying to get directions from a park ranger and a different park ranger kick flips in with a map and a desperate need for you to get your directions from them instead. You call poison control and they’re beating each other in the head over who gets to tell you you’re dying.
Still, on its own, the competition isn’t dispositive, because the private income streams (we'll get there) would incentivize competition even if public funding wasn't based on it. But the level of autonomy that hero offices exhibit also suggest some kind of competition model.
Heroics agencies are not run like a typical police force or fire station. With most entities that function as first responders, they respond to some kind of centralized force (like 911 call centers) and they have highly regulated resource distribution. Like, police forces are restricted to a specific jurisdiction. Within that jurisdiction they have multiple districts and officers typically stay in their district. They're not going to a different fucking city because they think the crime is cooler there.
But Endeavor does exactly that. He's like "hello, son who hates me. Let's go to Hosu because I want to fuck with the hero killer for street cred. won't you come along. It is non-optional" and todoroki says "i hate you father and will abandon you on our father son trip to set a serial killer on fire with my mind. it will be for mildly gay reasons."
These agencies aren't a centralized public service. They are all just off doing their own thing. They're not responding to specific areas as allotted to them by the city--they just fuck off and do whatever. Like, there's probably some coordination between agencies as to who is covering what patrol, but it likely would be more out of courtesy than formal requirement. People wouldn't step on each other's toes nearly as much if there was more of a structure to this.
Typical public agencies who receive funding in accordance with staffing and budgetary needs have more structure and formality than is exhibited in canon. Heroics Agencies act like they're all independent contractors. They probably function like grant money recipients, where they're all fighting for the same pool of funds. You have to write in and show why you deserve that money when that's the case. They're in competition with each other.
Like, is this definitively the structure in canon? No, of course not. I have no fucking idea what, if anything, canon has going on. But it definitely fits with canon.
b. Private Income Streams
We know from canon that it can't just be public funding. Izuku alone probably paid for the Mighty Agency private jet with how much fucking all might merch he bought. Canonically, heroes have merchandise lines, branding deals, commercials, everything. All Might had fucking movies made about him. Those are all extremely lucrative income streams--and likely where the richest heroes get the biggest brunt of their income.
In order to get this kind of income, you are necessarily in competition with your fellow hero.
Public attention, spending money, screen time, all of it--it's a limited resource. You have to be the person who gets to the fight first, who does the big move, who saves the day. If it's someone else? Then that's another kid buying their action figure instead of yours. Heroics is heavily commoditized in canon, and that inherently invites competition.
2. Distribution of Funds
So now that we have a theory as to where the money comes from, how does it get paid out? Based on canon, it comes down to a structure of (a) Independent/Underground Heroes and (b) Agencies.
a. Independent/Underground Heroes
I can't actually remember if the word "independent" is said in canon or if I came up with it, but I think canon implies its existence. It's basically the same thing as being an underground hero, but you're still a Spotlight hero. I also cannot remember if the underground/spotlight thing is canon or fanon or what I’m sorry I haven’t watched this show in years.
Independents are spotlight heroes without the backing of an agency. They just go out every day with the clothes on their back and a dream. They have no support staff, no back up, and no one to help them if things go sideways.
It is not a popular employment option.
Part of it is because it's that much harder to fund being an independent. Like. Say you're just out of high school and you decide to strike out on your own as independent. You're still spotlight, so you can have a merchandise line, and that'd be a nice income stream while you're just starting out.
How the fuck do you start your own t-shirt line?
How do you make contracts with the manufacturers? How do you make and copyright the design? how do you sell the stupid things? Do you try and get them in Walmart? Do you start an Etsy? Your own website? do you call your mom and cry when you have 500 ugly t-shirts with your face on them that no one wants to buy and they're taking up all the space in your studio apartment.
Agencies have preexisting structures in place to help launch these kinds of options, which is one of the reasons why they're so attractive for baby heroes just starting out. The only reason why Mirio has merchandise is because he decided that he didn't care and didn't need to make merch and Izuku came after him with feverish crack addict energy because he cared and he needed Lemillion merch like. yesterday. All Might ended up getting his agency to start a lemillion line. Mirio gets the profits with a reasonable fee to the Mighty Agency. To this day he suspects that Izuku is 70% of his sales but Izuku denies this fervently, like a liar (he actually has a small but very devoted fanbase who rabidly support him and buy all of his merch. he would cry if he knew this. Still. Izuku is his biggest fan and buys literally every single piece of new merch in triplicate.).
Underground heroes are in the same boat as independents but they don't even have the option of a merch line. They exclusively get public funding unless they're backed by an agency, which none of them are because agencies have a tendency to fuck them and their busts for the sake of the spotlight. All underground heroes are bitter and culturally opposed to agencies.
On that note:
b. Agencies.
This is where by far the most heroes would end up. But an agency is like thirty dudes with the same joint bank account. How does the money get there and get distributed out?
i. Public Funding in an Agency Context
Take the above model. How do you attribute public funds based on personal statistics if there's no single person? Does everyone get their own check? But that wouldn't make sense--this isn't just for salaries, it's for funding the actual heroics itself.
Everyone under the same agency would be counted together for the purposes of funding allotment. If Sidekick A managed 300 busts last year and Sidekick B man managed 350 busts, then congratulations, The Big Hero Hero Agency made 650 busts last year, here's a check made out to the agency, figure out what you want to do with it.
But what about incidents that involve multiple heroes from the same agency? Let's say that The Big Hero Hero Agency is involved in a big bust. It is Sidekick A's baby. They have spent months doing this. This has been blood, sweat, and tears. When the day comes, they are joined by Sidekick B, Sidekick C, and Big Hero himself. Sidekick B has been helping Sidekick A for the past three weeks on this case. Sidekick C got called in the day-of to help.
Big Hero showed up for the last twenty minutes of the fight when they were mostly done with everything.
So. You're filling out the post-arrest paperwork. For funding and for public statistics, you need to make sure to properly account for who gets credit for the bust. It has to be one person--if you had everyone individually credit themselves for the bust, then it looks like you've resolved four incidents instead of one under this financial model. it's artificially inflating your numbers for public funding. that's fraud. Who should get the credit: Sidekick A, Sidekick B, Sidekick C, or Big Hero?
Well, there's nothing stopping Big Hero from writing their own name. So let's go with Big Hero. He helped.
This was one of the big sources of the sidekick strikes: a lot of agencies had an absolute policy of attributing successes to the name hero if they touched the case at all, because there was no rule against it. It was better for the agency, after all--unrealistically high numbers on the biggest name meant the agency as a whole appeared more successful.
So there were a lot of heroes artificially inflating their stats with things that were more properly credited to their sidekicks. Which made it all the harder for sidekicks to leave because their stats were shit because their boss was taking credit for their work.
ii. Private Funding in an Agency Context
But that’s just public funding. How would agencies distribute private income streams?
Big Hero Agency is proud to announce its newest line of Big Hero Action Figures, featuring the Entire Big Hero Team, now retailing for $39.99. Get it now from a store near you.
So. An agency is selling an action figure line featuring Sidekicks A, B, and C, as well as Big Hero himself. We’ll round up to an even $40. How do we split up the cash?
You can’t give everyone each $10. You have to first pay the suppliers, the advertisers, the trucks that shipped the toys to the store, etc. Then you have to pay back into the agency to fund miscellaneous expenses—the stationary, the insurance, the coffee in the fucking break room. Everything. By the end, there’s only $4 of profit left over. Not great, but hey—they’re selling a lot of toys. So if they each get a $1, then it should add up quick.
Right. But. If you think about it, people are only really buying it for Big Hero. He’s the best hero of all of them—his name is on the agency, and just look at how much higher his stats are. So it’s only fair that he gets $3.70 a toy and the rest of them can get $.10 apiece. Don’t worry, it’ll add up quick.
Not all agencies would have been like this. But a lot of them would be. Money is a hell if an incentive to screw people.
END OF ASIDE.
With all that in mind—why would they feasibly have a structure to fly in help from other heroes far away? That’s their fucking competition. Sure, we have team ups, but they’re all either well in advance or in the heat of a moment. If they are in the heat of a moment, half the time the heroes resent it because they just stole their fight. They’re gonna what—pay the exorbitant jet fees to fly in someone who’s just going to steal their hard work in the eyes of the public?
Okay, but what about situations like this? Massive emergencies where you need more people?
Those haven’t ever happened before. They had All Might.
So. The heroes on the ground calling in help are out. What about the heroes who are close enough to make it there by ground transport? No one calls them, they just show up out of public need. How are they getting there?
Trains are out. All the trains into the area are shut the fuck down. We are not giving the freshly escaped villains a bullet train to the rest of the country. Same thing for buses. No fucking bus driver is making their regular route into a fucking battleground.
Private transportation it is. Anything more than a few hours out of the area is completely out of the question. Like, good ol’ Manuel from Hosu City and all his buddies? Not making it. The wild wild pussycats? Watched this on TV from their mountain home. Gran Torino? On FaceTime with All Might, who is watching the fight with Midoriya Inko’s hand gripped in his left and Bakugou Mitsuki’s hand gripped in his right. Gang Orca? Twelve hours away and on a fucking island so he needs a boat AND a car to get there. Or he just fucking swims.
But there has to be at least some hero that saw this happening and heroically climbed in their Mazda sedan to make the three hour car trip. Why didn’t they go to the fight in Yokohama instead of the one against AfO?
Frankly at that point those literal children were visibly doing way better than the actual heroes were faring and any heroes showing up went where they were most needed and uh. It wasn’t by the kids.
If we have the agency model as given to us by canon, then that means there is a decentralization of resources. If you want to utilize your public defense force in the case of emergencies, then you need a way to fucking get them to the emergency. Canon does not have that. This is a huge structural failing that only wasn’t a disaster sooner because most emergencies required one guy and he had his own private jet. So most heroes in the country never had to even consider if they would listen to Endeavor’s order because they were completely cut off and useless at the time.
So. Now the analysis has been narrowed from all of Japan’s heroes to just the ones in the immediate vicinity of the fight. That’s still a fuck ton of heroes. This is a heavily populated area with a bunch of heroes around. You can’t go outside without tripping over a hero.
Most of those guys were on fucking strike.
Structural Flaw #2: Over-Reliance on and Abuse of Sidekicks.
The vast majority of the workforce had to be sidekicks. Like, just from a business model perspective. Even the smallest agencies we saw had 2-3 sidekicks. Endeavor’s agency had at least double digits, and I think Idaten was at over a hundred or something. We were probably looking at, conservatively, a 1:10 ratio of heroes to sidekicks.
All those guys are on strike.
Okay. But not all of them, right? Idaten already settled and got their sidekicks back. That’s like a hundred guys.
Except the Strike was not isolated to the Tokyo/Mustufasa/Yokohama area. Idaten sent out a lot of their sidekicks to other regions to help alleviate some of the strains of the strike. (As a note, this was not the Idaten sidekicks crossing the picket line. Them picking up the slack for other sidekicks still striking would have helped minimize effects on the public. However, the agencies of the striking sidekicks would have reaped no benefit from this under the compensation structure outlined above. Idaten would have gotten the credit for everything their sidekicks did, so the other agencies would still be bleeding from this while risk to the public was slightly alleviated. Idaten’s entire function in this strike was to set an example for quick settlement and minimize public harm. There’s this entire sub-analysis on Idaten’s internal culture and how it intersects with broader heroics standards that I won’t get into now this is already way too long.)
Idaten is at 1/10 capacity. It has like, ten guys, all of whom have been working say, thirteen hour shifts (voluntarily—again, it was a decision made to try and minimize the public safety risks of the strike while still allowing their colleagues their best chance at improved conditions) daily for the past month.
All of those ten guys responded to Tartarus before Endeavor made the call.
To understand the exact nature of the breakdown, you really have to see the chaos of how exactly this unfolded.
The LoV and their merry band of criminals hit Tartarus. The heroes do not realize at this time that they intend to let everyone out, give them transportation, and point them straight towards the mainland. They think that they’re just there for AfO. That’s still a huge crisis that needs to be shut down immediately, so they call out all of their best. Endeavor responds. Hawks responds. Eraserhead responds. Mt. Lady, Kamui Woods, Miruko—everyone in the vicinity who could conceivably respond show up. For a second, it looks like it’s going to end here.
Once the LoV get AfO out of his cell, the entire tide of the battle turns against the heroes. Now everyone’s out. All of those horrible, terrible villains. Tartarus has fallen. They have to make hard decisions. The high ranking, very powerful heroes who are most likely to break the line on Endeavor’s decision? They’re already at the fight by the time he has to make it. It is chaos and something they cannot easily leave.
The LoV’s picked right now because they knew that the heroes were operating at less than a tenth of their regular capacity. They picked right now because they knew the system had structural faults, and if they hit them just right, it would all come down on the heroes’ heads.
But the sidekicks broke strike lines to respond, right? Why do they all go to endeavor’s side?
For one thing, it wasn’t all of them who showed up—maybe a third of them were not even in the area any more. It wasn’t malicious, or intentional, or anything like that—they were off visiting their families for the first time in a long time or taking vacation. All of them had spent the past few years being completely overworked and abused by their jobs. They just weren’t there.
So now we’re down to 2/3rds of them who can even try to show up.
A lot of it wasn’t actually made as a reasoned choice. For many of them, they ended up where they did because of all the chaos.
So you’re a sidekick. You’re on strike. The entire world has gone to shit. How do you normally find out about the world going to shit?
This is a competition model streamed through individual entities. There’s no central command structure. Your agency calls you.
Well, your agency either fucking fired you or they cut you off completely during strike negotiations. This time, you find out through the news when the story breaks. Now what?
You frantically try to get in touch with your (ex) agency. Who is picking up the phones?
No one. That was your fucking job before you went on strike.
I used to work at a government public-service type deal, and let me tell you, they abuse the fuck out of non-unionized workers. You are doing everyone’s job. No one ask why we don’t get more support staff because they have unions. Like. I had a law degree. I was hired to be a lawyer in that office. They had us all doing the jobs of four people, and by that I mean it would be the literal entire job description of another fucking position in that office and we were all expected to just do it too.
Unions incentivize treating workers right. The absence of them opens the door to the opposite.
Why the fuck would agencies hire more people to lighten the load on the sidekicks and let them focus on actual heroics? Just make the sidekicks do everything. What are they going do, complain? They’re a dime a dozen. Hire more of those fresh faced kids with no standards just out of school.
You know when you had a job where you’re like. This fucking place is going to fall apart without me. But they treat you as disposable and easily replaceable and you’re like “okay bet” and so you leave and you find out from the people left behind that it actually fucking fell apart without you and you’re just like :o
Yeah. So that happened.
There has been a massive break down in the function of heroics offices for the past month and change because the sidekicks were not there. They were the ones who actually did most of the day to day handling of the office. They were the ones coordinating transport and figuring out the actual mechanics of who would be deployed where in a crisis. All those things that would be super helpful now? Yeah, those guys aren’t there, and they’re locked out of the fucking offices and can’t get in to un-strike for the sake of societal crisis.
But they know where the fight is. It’s on the news. Why don’t they just show up?
Where’s their gear?
Who owns it?
Heroics support gear must be an enormously expensive thing. It would have to be provided by the agency itself. Literally the only reason why Mirio has gear is because 1) all might would NEVER let his pseudo step son run around without proper support so the man would have bankrolled it himself if needs must and 2) the UA support class has a stipend each year where they can make support gear for active heroes and those heroes get it for free in exchange for free advertising for the students trying to kick start their careers, so he is decked out in THE most experimental bullshit from Hatsume Mei Industries (I have this entire side plot where the support class this class year low key became a sort of religious cult haha not really it’s just a joke it’s not really a joke and power loader is afraid every single day when he comes to work he is afraid under the iron clad rule of Hatsume Mei’s weird girl energy and they all decided Mirio was the Tabula Rasa, a figure of prophecy, and I just cannot get into that right now it’s too long it’s too long already. But it’s so fun).
All those sidekicks on strike lost valuable time trying to get back into their agencies so they weren’t showing up to an S-class villain fight in their fucking jammies. Then, when some poor admins figured out what was going on and let some of them in, everyone was frantically gearing up and getting in whatever transport van they were pointed at. Some of them didn’t know they werent reporting to Yokohama until they were already at the other fight. There’s was so much chaos and confusion that very few people had a clear idea of what was happening.
With the sidekicks, some of them never made it, some of them just got in a van and went wherever it took them, and some of them chose to obey Endeavor’s orders. Some agreed with the decision. Some disagreed but deferred to his experience. With how the Sidekick Strike had left their infrastructure, very few sidekicks were able to respond fast enough to make any real difference.
Now for the last possible demographic: the heroes that weren’t on strike and weren’t initially deployed to the Tartarus Prison Break. Why didn’t any of them go to Yokohama?
Structural Flaw #3: All Might was that one kid doing the entire group project for like forty years and some of these people are having to be heroes for the very first time and realizing that they don’t actually want to risk their lives to save people they just sort of liked the idea of this job.
It may be a bit too specific to be a structural flaw but I’m counting it anyway.
So, just to give a bit of a recap: We consider every hero alive in Japan as a candidate for Endeavor’s order. The vast majority of them are too far away to do shit, and there’s no centralized transport network to get them there faster. Toss in those who are dealing with personal medical issues or are away on vacation or just can’t come for some reason or another, and you’ve lost most of the heroes in Japan as respondents. Probably ~80% of potential heroes are culled from this alone.
So we have, generously, 20% of Japan’s heroes left as potential people to respond. ~90% of those are sidekicks on strike. They’ve got hours before they make it to any fight, because of the aforementioned structural breakdowns.
Now we’re down to 2% of Japan’s total heroes.
Some of that 2% were first responders to the initial Tartarus prison break. All the big name heroes in the area. But there can’t be that many top heroes—so let’s say 0.2% of them were at the initial fight.
Now we only have the remaining 1.8% of heroes to analyze.
There have to be a percentage of those who agreed with Endeavor’s call as a tactical decision. If they show up to any fight, they’re going to be obeying his order.
So we only have the ones who disagreed with his call left to look at.
These are small-time heroes. All of the big names are already at the fight. So they are less likely to have flashy Quirks, be especially talented, or consider themselves to have an especially large effect in the grand scheme of things. They have likely spent their entire careers living in a world with All Might.
It has never actually been down to them.
Think of Uwabami. Momo did her work study with her.
Her hero outfit is a fucking evening gown. She spent the entire work study doing commercials and meeting with her fans. She explicitly invited the young heroes that she did because she thought they were cute enough to be in commercials with her.
Now, she’s had some good if minor moments helping rescue civilians. It’s not that she’s never saved anyone.
But all of the top heroes are already committed to the fight against AfO. The current Number One Hero just ordered all her colleagues to report there. And Yokohama has a lot of S-Class villains en route.
And what the fuck is she going to do to stop them? It’s just her. Half of those villains took All Might to stop the first time. She is not fucking all might.
Is this a hero likely to go to Yokohama completely on her own to fight *checks notes* literally the entire prison population minus one guy? The worst guy, albeit. But one guy.
These are all heroes who have never had to be the actual thing standing between society and destruction. There has always been someone more powerful or capable or heroic nearby. Until recently, there has always been all might.
This isn’t to malign them. A decent percentage of them are legitimately well meaning about being a hero. They do good. But when it came to the big, blowout fights, they have always, always, always been the heroes evacuating civilians in the background or performing rescue in the aftermath. It has never been them who had to stand up and do the fight itself.
Every single one of those villains represent a big, blowout fight. And this hero trying to decide if he’s going to obey Endeavor’s order? They are one guy. And they’re not sure if they could even beat one of those villains alone, let alone all.
The reason why no one disobeyed Endeavor’s order was because, frankly, at the end of the day, they did not want to die.
Endeavor’s order signaled to everyone that there was no guarantee anyone would show up to Yokohama. It actually put good odds to the opposite. If you decided “fuck that, I’m going to Yokohama” then you’d likely be doing it alone.
What Class 2-A did was considered a death sentence. People who didn’t know them and their bullshit were shocked that they all made it out alive. These were the worst villains their society had ever faced and it was all of them at once (minus that one guy).
The heroes who were in a position to disobey endeavor didn’t actually think it’d make a difference if they did. They’d just… lose.
Most if not all of these heroes made the decision to become heroes during all mights era of peace. Everything just had lower stakes. Crime was less frequent and less serious. The big fights always had someone there who could handle them, because All Might was there. They’d fight the odd mugger or purse snatcher and help put out fires and go home at the end of the night. They’re heroes. That doesn’t mean they’ve ever truly had to grapple with a life or death fight.
If they went to Yokohoma, they thought they’d die. So they might as well respond to a fight that has a chance. Even if they feel ashamed as they do it. Even if they think Endeavor made the wrong call and wanted to go to Yokohama instead. All Might wasn’t there anymore. And they were afraid.
But there is one thing that Class 2-A had going for them that gave them an advantage over these heroes. And that was the fact that they are all medically insane.
It’s that they were together.
It’s a decentralized heroics structure. If you have a large agency, you are necessarily a top hero because no one else would be able to get that many people to agree to work under them. So you’re already at Tartarus and this isn’t a decision you had to make.
Maybe you’re independent. Maybe you have a small agency with 2-3 people. There is no preexisting centralized line that you can use to try and gather more people to go to Yokohama with you. You’re stuck with your immediate colleagues and maybe a few other heroes you’re close enough with to have their number. You really don’t have time to try and ask around to see if anyone else wants to go to Yokohama instead—you need to pick a battle and get there yesterday.
What good is 2-3 people going to do in Yokohama? You’ll just get massacred and it won’t have made a difference. At least if you go to stop AfO, you’ll have a chance at doing something that mattered.
Maybe you disagree with Endeavor but you defer to his training and experience.
Maybe you don’t go at any fight at all. Maybe you’re afraid. Maybe you became a hero in a time where you had a symbol of peace, and you realize you can’t keep doing it in a time without one.
I think there’s a small subsection of heroes that quit in the aftermath of Yokohama. Because they wanted to disobey endeavor’s order, and they thought they’d just die and it wouldn’t matter, and then dawn came and a bunch of school kids had managed what they were too big of a coward to do. I think the fact that they fell into line when their hearts told them they shouldn’t made them seriously doubt whether they were good enough to be a hero.
But they were alone when Endeavor made the call. And it felt like certain death. And—yeah, it sort of felt that way to Class 2-A when they made the decision to respond. But they weren’t alone when they did it.
They were together. And they always felt braver when they were together. Together, they could make miracles happen.
#pez dispenser debris#me with fictional worlds: where is your city planner I just want to talk#none of the heroes were happy at the thought of abandoning Yokohama#Yokohama didn’t happen because the heroes actually all got together and said ‘fuck those guys let ‘em die’#it was an absolute implosion of the heroics structure that they’d spent their entire careers working on#in my mind there’s a heroics organizational reform bill still making its way through the Japanese government in an attempt to correct the#structural failings that led to Yokohama happening. Aizawa keeps getting calls for his fucking kids to speak to the government about the#issue. and he’s like ‘absolutely not someone will tell them to do a flip and they will do it and cause a public incident’#no one said it out loud but everyone was sort of terrified that one of them would die at Yokohama#you could choke on the fear during the ride over#but they didn’t know what else to do. Yokohama needed heroes and all they had were them#but when you think of Yokohama think of all the big boss fights during bnha#not afo but like. overhaul. now think of fighting a few dozen of him at once. it’s. it’s not great odds.#the idea of just responding alone in the face of that is a nonstarter. and the decentralized nature of the system meant it was borderline#impossible to get the support needed to make a defense feasible. but class 2a had each other. and that was all they needed.#going to Yokohama the next day and it not having been a bloodbath was the biggest relief of those heroes lives#endeavor had never had a good relationship with shouto but he went to him in the hospital after and genuinely thanked him#I have this mental image of Iida. concussed four times over running on fumes and slightly delirious. desperately trying to keep it together#just a little while long. he has a list of the injured who need immediate evacuation. and his classmates. some of them need to be taken to#a hospital immediately. he made a list of their medication allergies. please ensure everyone is taken to the same hospital. he doesn’t think#he could bear it if they were scattered about. and he needs to help coordinate the transports of the villains from where they’ve been#containing them. and one of the Idaten sidekicks is like. Tenya. it’s okay. you did amazing. you can relieve command now. they’ll take it#from here. and he just says. okay. and he sits on the curb and cries. he asks them if one of them could call his brother. he’d. he’d really#like to come home if that’s okay. just for a few days. he just. he wants to go home. like the aftermath of that scene was kind of brutal to#process because on one hand they had all done so amazing but on the other they were so painfully young. a lot of them broke down in the#aftermath. kirishima got embarrassed because he started crying and asked mr Aizawa to call his moms. like once the adrenaline crashed it#all sort of hit them. they had all been so brave but also they were kids and they really really wanted their parents now if that’s alright#they know they’re heroes now and they have to be brave but also can someone please call their mom. please please please they just want their#mom. it was sort of a punch in the face for the full heroes to get there and see just how young these kids were. like these weren’t they’re#colleagues. these were kids who they didn’t protect. it hurt.
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SAEKA RIKIHISA - Jujutsu Kaisen [shibuya anime style]
more art || character page || commissions
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @jacobseed @lasersinthejungle @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraesh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minthara @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @mistrias @viktorgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol @auricfog
#my art*#oc: saeka rikihisa#artists on tumblr#jjk oc#jujutsu kaisen oc#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#anime oc#my ocs#character design#original character#digital art#and he we have the moment the love of her life exploded in front of her#ah some good ol trauma#I told you it would be brutal for the next one#she literally goes to help him and then BOOM he esplode#has one of her students screaming at her to run away#she also knows this student is stronger than her#then she goes feral using his blade killing all curses on her path to her sister#it’s…it’s a lot#plus she doesn’t know she’s preggers at this point#dun dun DUNNNN#anyway hope you like the gore#I sure do tehe
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It's wild because the show has only been able to fully break my heart two times: 806 and 815. And it's wild how different I've been dealing with it.
806 - I wasn't expecting it, which was something the show had been careful to do by making 805 so perfect. It caught me off-guard, even with all the rumors, and that together with personal shit I had going on, made it so I spent a straight week in a mourning period, almost. I hated the ending, I hated the way Tommy left, and I felt anxiety just thinking about what was coming next. Mostly because I knew there was a chance this story wasn't over (and I was right), but I was scared about the ultimate outcome.
815—Because of the leaks, I've been able to prepare for it more. I think I did a lot of the mourning that same day because I had a similar reaction of being unable to eat and sleep for a long while. Since then, I was in a state of being half in denial, and half accepting and knowing that not even 911 would go this far for a fake out. So deep down, I knew it was coming, even if I desperately wanted to be proven wrong (even if, like many, I don't see this as a fatal error done by the series and, as hurt as I am by it, I still see the reason why it happened). But it is still a mourning period, and a different one at that, because I know that just... this is it. The feeble hope I had post-806 (that eventually was for something) just simply doesn't exist here.
And the sense of finality does help, in a way. It stops hope from blooming, and disappointment from growing, and for that, I can't help but be thankful. There is a sense of finality right now that feels brutal, and I am still very sad by it (just got done sobbing for five minutes watching the scene, actually), but I appreciate the effort that went behind it, and how beautiful the send-off was. Even if we wanted a different one, they still did it in a way that honored Bobby.
I don't know. This type of mourning, of grief, is weird, just like it was post-806. Because they are all fictional characters, and I am aware of it, but they are also part of a show that was ultimately a comfort show to me. And losing one of them permanently hurts deeply, for as much as I can understand it.
#bucktommy#tagging my community because i did mention 806 and because your support means everything <3#911 discourse#911 abc#911 spoilers#bobby nash#peter krause#idk i keep going from one stage of grief to another#and i feel a bit ridiculous#but my god they did it in such a beautiful yet brutal way that today i just feel... weird#i can't help but be thankful we have two weeks before the next ep#bc i need to have a breather
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5 favorite NC in any Mame novel you've read?
Oh god, thank goodness you didn't ask me to rank the individual NC scenes. I could never. It'd be a 10-way tie for first.
So, this list isn't a reflection of my favorite novels, just my favorite NC. And as always, we plug our ears and pretend Graph is 18 (or 19, if that's the age of consent in your area).
Also, I can count, there are 6 because I couldn't pick between the two Try Me ones.
A very thirsty Pakin waking Graph up and edging him until he cries || Try Me, Chapter 28
Rain's wet dream and pouncing on Payu for harder Domination/submission sex || Love in the Air Special Novel, Chapters 10-11
Connor making Khom beg for it in the hotel || Love Sand, Chapter 14
Mahasamut's jealousy and Tongrak discovering his punishment sex kink || Love Sea Special Chapter 2: Raging Sea
Prapai vs a very drunk and very horny Sky || Love in the Air Special Novel, Chapter 6
Graph fucked while forced to use a fleshlight as punishment for making out with Win || Try Me, Special Chapter 2
Bonus Answer bc I want to: Mame novels ranked based exclusively on the NC and nothing else.
Try Me
Love Sand
LITA Special Novel
Love Sea
Love Storm
Love Sky
Try Me 2
How to Secretly
Boy Next World
#i like try me because it is BRUTAL edging sessions and what can i say that's my jam#Try Me 2 didn't make it high on the list because there is one NC scene I like but the rest are... they're... fine?#ask#mame#novels#love storm#love sea#love sand#love sky#love in the air#lita#try me#how to secretly#the boy next world
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Our 2024 Summary of Summits!
14. May - 667m. Our regular starting summit every year.



8. June - 978m. Dogless, but still worth it for one of my favourite summits.



19. July - 947m. Came back home after 5 hours without service to find the world in chaos (Crowdstrike incident)




27. December - 667m. The latest in the year we've ever done this summit.



And an honorable mention to the two summits I DNF'd this year. Both on my to-do list, and both the only summits I attempted this year that would have been new to me.


3. August - 1318m. And 14. September - 1326m. One DNF due to weather. the other because I got sick and had to turn back two hours in. Massive bummer but we'll try again next summer.
#We'll do one of those DNFs for sure next year#the one that we cancelled because thunder was rolling in#the other one the rest of the group finished without me#and it's a brutal one#so idk if they'll want to do it with me next year#we shall see#I might do it alone and just have someone drop me off near the trailhead#that way i can set up camp by the lake below it and stay the night to do the summit itself the next day#always wanted to do that#that area is my favourite place on earth#can't wait for next year!#More hikes#more camping#more adventure <3
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#gonna post the kiss next so i've got one more post upcoming but like. the softness.#juxtaposed with the brutality in her blood and the infernal touch on him!!!#gnawing on a brick#court vs bg3#durge: millie#wyll ravengard#(am meticulously gathering quotes for the eventual ship tag too)
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sometimes you’ll see someone compare a tmg song to a character and you’re like “no, absolutely not, that’s GOTTA be bullshit,” and then you listen to the song with that character in mind and it’s the most DEVASTATING read you have ever fucking heard.
#LIKE!!!!!!!!????????#i was hand-over-mouth shocked#THE PERSONAL ATTACK OF IT ALL!!!!!!!#i had never heard the song before bc it’s one of their later ones (many of which i have only heard once or not at all)#so i had NO idea what i was in for and holy SHIT!!!!!!!!!#fucking DEMOLISHED him…#it also coincidentally matched up with a lot of the themes of my existing playlist#so i’m potentially going to add it to act iii but i need to make sure the next season earns it first#going to keep gathering Potentials for act iii placement… most of my instincts have been correct thus far#oh ALSO additional lore on this: my friend and i have a running joke that everyone is TERRIBLE at assigning mountain goats songs to them#and we RUTHLESSLY mock anyone who tries (privately amongst ourselves - of course)#so the fact that someone was RIGHT??????#and so BRUTALLY so????????#ESPECIALLY shocking!!!!!!!!!!!!#[REDacted]
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hood is the ceo of “other people have it worse” /HJ
#meanwhile void is the ceo of ‘other people don’t exist’#it’s not the hood blog ikik#but who could he be thinking about??? oooOOOOoooOoo /silly#fnf psychic#fnf hood#fnf void#purple guys dlc#fic snippet#two plus one#<- name subject to change#i think these two imagine psychic’s relationship with his master to be worse than it really is#in that they think dearest is emotionally distant and doesn’t acknowledge the way psi has completely given himself to him#hood is probably more forgiving and open to believing psychic when he says it’s much better than that#void is not. lmao#bc then he has to acknowledge that psychic has someone more important to him. someone void resents; on top of already being tossed to the-#side for someone automatically inferior by vice of not being void#void doesn't genuinely care for psychic's well being he just wants the attention and to be able to hold that over dearest#i think he would really enjoy getting to replace dd solely for the novelty. bc void and psi could never have what psi has w dd#hood doesn't know the dearests well if at all so he basically has to trust whatever psychic says. and i don't think hood would#take psychic for someone who sugarcoats things#there's a difference between acting strong and acting like the situation is better than it actually is#psychic heavily engages in the first behavior but never the second. he is extremely brutally honest (except w select people i.e. girlfriend#and hood realizes that. so i don't think he would have any reason to disbelieve psychic if psychic explained that he has a really good#relationship with his master. that being said psychic has not explained that to hood in depth lmao#he doesn't want to admit the way he sees his master. and talking about their relationship could be a slippery slope#for the most part he is very good at not talking about himself. so hood still doesn't understand him that well. but he's perceptive.#especially next to void. hood sees the way psychic picks his master over them and i think he recognizes a little bit of himself in that#because of his relationship with zeta. he doesn't see the full picture but he has a better idea of what psychic wants than void does.#so yeah. really all they can do is genuinely talk to psychic together. but together they never will.#psychic daily
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