#the only story i have for my kakashi oc after they get married is for her to get kidnapped and then almost killed ????

[wind-becomes-lightning]

For the fanfic tropes: domestic fluff? 😅

C: Neutral. A good author might be able to sell it, but a bad one will kill it deader than dead.

Just talked about this with @lemony-snickers yesterday that I have 0 idea how I want Kakashis home life to be when he is married etc, because it never really crossed my mind. When I write domestic fluf i feel its boring and has no plot, when I read it I love it a lot. So what Im saying is.. I am such a toxic person apparently that I cant make up plots that are just fluffy, but I love reading them.

let me rate fanfic tropes! :)

[myaekingheart]

For Thirsty Thursday. Tell me about your fav oc! Anything goes, ramble away! Infodump me, baby!

[thirsty thursday]

My favorite OC is definitely Rei 😂 But she's also the one I talk about the most and focus on the most, too, so I should probably pick someone else for this, but...

You're all gonna hear it again because I love her.

Basics are that she's the only daughter of Hana (née Yamanaka) and Yuruganai Natsuki, who own the local bookstore Kaminoki Shop. The bookstore itself was founded by Rei's grandfather, Oku Natsuki. She grew up in a little house on the outskirts of the village with her parents and her paternal grandmother, Teiko Natsuki, with whom she shares a really close bond. Their next door neighbors were Hana and Yuruganai's childhood friends Sakumo and Aijo (née Inuzuka) Hatake, so Rei and Kakashi grew up together and were super close. Rei really admired Kakashi and she desperately wanted to pursue a career as a ninja just like him, but she had very little support at home except for grandmother, who was actually the one who signed Rei's permission slip to enter the academy behind Hana and Yuruganai's backs. Kakashi supported her, too...until he didn't. When he started losing everyone, he did a complete 180 and basically told Rei "forget it, you're too weak, you'll never make it as a ninja so quit while you're ahead" and basically just detached himself from everyone. So that of course broke Rei's heart in pieces. Her childhood best friend, one of the only people who ever supported her, just leaving her in the dust. So she took this as an opportunity. She took that anger and hatred she felt toward him and everyone else who told her she wouldn't make it and she used that to fuel herself further to prove that she belonged there. And by the time she was 18, she was appointed into the ANBU. To train under Kakashi. Things were really tense at first as the two of them tried to navigate this abrupt reunion but ultimately, they couldn't avoid the fact that they still cared very deeply for each other after all these years. And as they grew closer, Rei discovered that sometimes things aren't always as they seem, that Kakashi never actually stopped caring about her, that he detached himself from her because he cared about her. That he tried to deter her from her dreams because he didn't want her to put herself in danger, he didn't want to risk losing her, too. Throughout the years, he'd peer around corners and from behind trees sneaking around to check on her and make sure she was safe. He of course missed her deeply and desperately wanted to spend time with her but he felt that keeping his distance was what was best. Now that she was in the ANBU with him, though, he knew that was no longer possible and neither was avoiding the way he felt about her. At 18 and 20 respectively, Rei and Kakashi ultimately had to admit their feelings to each other and started pursuing a romantic relationship.

Even when things seemed well and good, they were reunited after so many years and Rei had felt like she had finally proven herself to him and her family, things were still rocky. Rei lost her best friend in the line of duty, thanks to her own leadership skills, and spiraled into a deep depression that led her to temporarily break up with Kakashi under the excuse of needing space. It took almost a year for Rei to finally return to him and Kakashi decided quickly afterward to ask her to marry him. And even then, things still manage to go haywire as they try to prep for the wedding and cope with some very rapidfire changes that occur during this time, like their decision to try for a baby being very quickly scrapped by Rei making ANBU captain which is then in turn very quickly scrapped by Rei unexpectedly getting pregnant right after her and Kakashi decided to stop trying. And that's about the point in the story I'm at currently, but things are also about to get even more hectic for reasons I won't delve into now for the sake of ✨spoilers✨

But ultimately Rei and Kakashi do eventually get married and have six children together across a span of ten years: Nariko, Rokurou, Sutego (who is adopted), Katsuro, Keiko, and Kazuhiko.

Personality-wise, Rei is intelligent, a little sarcastic, guarded but also deeply caring, and []. Her paternal family's kekkei genkai is actually founded in empathy through a jutsu called chakra tethering. It's basically the ability to not just channel one's chakra into an object but lock it there so that you and that object are linked, and wherever that object is, you can sense what's going on around it--which is very useful for espionage. Rei can also use herself as a vessel to channel other people's chakra into objects, which is something she uses for a personal thing she has called chakra plants. Her chakra plant project is actually a deeply personal and special thing she reserves for only those she cares the most about like Kakashi, her family, and her closest friends. It involves a very intimate ritual of choosing the perfect flower to represent the aforementioned person, the perfect pot to house that plant in, and then the chakra channeling itself. Once this is complete, the cherished person and their chakra plant are intrinsically linked so that based on the chakra that's locked in the plant, Rei can estimate the morale of that cherished person no matter where they are in the world based on the wellbeing of the plant. So for example, with Kakashi, he and Rei picked a cornflower because it reminded her of scarecrows, she planted it in a pot, and then she siphoned a bit of Kakashi's chakra from his body, channeled it through herself and into the plant, and then locked it in the plant so now if Kakashi is off on a mission and he gets seriously injured, Rei will know something is wrong because the plant will respond to the wellbeing of his chakra and begin to droop or dry out or wilt depending on the severity of his injuries. I feel like it's all kind of complicated, and I should probably draw a diagram of something one of these days to make it a little clearer, but I'm doing my best 😅

And then training-history wise, Rei entered the academy at 6 and made genin at 10. She was placed on a team with her schoolmate and best friend Naru Fuzuki, the daughter of local socialites involved local government and finances, and her bully Sekkachi Fumeiyo, a girl from a downtrodden clan known for being liabilities in battle thanks to a chronic illness that runs in the family. Their sensei was Chikara, a wise and proper woman with a background in, believe it or not, dance. She used those experiences in dance, however, to strengthen her students' teamwork, espionage, and awareness skills by having them create a group alter ego as young idols/rave dancers and perform choreographed dances at a club where they learned how to disguise themselves, change the way they act, and discretely keep their eye on large crowds while doing something else. And of course the importance of being in sync both on the stage and on the battlefield. Despite the fact that they have all since grown up and grown apart in ways, however, they still keep in touch as best as they can. Chikara is out of the village often but she and Sekkachi, specifically, share an extremely close, sisterly bond so Chikara is always the first one Sekkachi goes to for advice or some tough love. And over time, Naru brought Rei and Sekkachi closer together, too, to the point where the two of them are now damn near inseparable and like sisters--they butt heads a lot but there's nothing they wouldn't do for each other and they are always there for one another which is great since neither of them have biological sisters themselves but they're close enough and have known each other long enough that they might as well be sisters. And in the future, Sekkachi ends up becoming sensei to Rei's firstborn, Nariko, as well as Mirai Sarutobi.

There's honestly even more I could say about Rei, her story, her relationship with Kakashi and my other OCs, etc. but by now I feel like this response has gotten long enough so I'll stop it there but the ask box is always open for even more information if anyone is curious enough 😅

[naruto-oc-reviews]

Naruto OC review for kakashianko of her oc — Botan Hatake Botan’s Bio

review under the cut

General

Botan Hatake appears to be a solid character, with a well thought out story. Even so, the rationality behind some choices that are made by some characters seems to be a little unexplained to me, leading to some slight confusion. A few things occur in her life without much explanation as to why. (I have marked these with an exclamation point further on.) With some slight tweaking and clarification, however, this character will be good as gold.

Appearance

I would have loved to see a colored in reference of this character, although I do get the gist of her general design from the included image. Her design is very simple, but feels appropriate. The shoes look unique but still fit in with the theme.

I am unsure on if she acts as a Konoha nin once she moves to the village, but if so, does she change her mission uniform?

Personality

She appears (for the most part) to be a very dependable kunoichi, and one that would be capable of mentally handling many situations.

I am unsure of how to take the fact that she is considered “extremely level headed” but below that, it says that her weakness is that she will do things that are considered extremely detrimental to her wellbeing in order to get people to trust her. In my opinion these personality traits are conflicting and don’t make much sense. (!)

Her personality seems to be slightly one-dimensional, with her descriptions just focusing on battles and sternness. The fact that she “squeaks while her face turns red” on rare occasions seems as though it was added in as sort of an afterthought in order to give her more than one emotion.

If she is hard to fluster, why would her first instinct be to “squeak and go red” right away? In my opinion, it would make more sense for a cool, calm, collected character such as herself to act a little bit more in control of such emotions, maybe denying her embarrassment while she blushes.

Relationships

I very much enjoy the fact that she and Tobirama did not end up falling head-over-heels in love with each other right as they were arranged to be married. I enjoy that it was a slower process.

The relationship she has with her parents seems mostly very believable and realistic for someone in her situation. I do however, have one specific question.

Why would her father give up his heir, the next in line to run the clan, in order to make peace with Konohagakure? There is no way that she would be able to run the clan whilst also located in a foreign village with the Hokage as her husband. (!)

At what age was she sent off to marry Tobirama? I don’t believe age was discussed when talking about any milestones in her life.

I also appreciate the fact that her love life was not perfect, and that her husband DID eventually perish. It creates more depth to the situation of her being pregnant at the time, making for some real thought as to how she would cope with the situation. I like that she eventually did “move on” but never really forgot about her first husband.

Ninja Info

I feel as though this character is talked about as being a very strong, skilled ninja, but whilst looking at her stats, all I seem to notice is very average skills. They’re solid stats, but nothing in my mind that pushes me to say “wow!” like all of the characters in this storyline are seeming to do.

Why is this character considered to be amazing in the ninja world, other than the fact that she is the heir to her clan? (!)

If she is well versed in kenjutsu, as I am lead to believe due to the fact that it is mentioned that she does well with a tanto and other weapons, it might benefit including that in the ninja stat’s section.

Also, if she is using ninja weapons such as tanto, I feel like it wouldn’t be much use if her ninja strength is really at a 1 out of 5. I would suggest either raising that number or rethinking what methods she uses to fight.

What method does she use to be a sensory type ninja? I know she can sense chakra, but what ability of hers enables her to do this? (!)

History

Although I very much enjoy the idea of the Hatake clan stemming from Kumogakure, therefore explaining their lightning nature, it doesn’t really make much sense to me as to how that would work out from my own standpoint. If Botan is the first Hatake to end up in Konohagakure, during Hashi/Tobirama’s period, how does it become an actual clan based out of Konohagakure in future generations instead of continuing to be a Kumogakure based clan? Especially since her children are only half-Hatake and the lineage would be very diluted before it go to, say, Kakashi’s era. (!)

What happens to Botan’s home after Tobirama is murdered? (I’m assuming you’re going with the normal history of him being murdered by Kinkaku and the Kinkaku force, from Kumo?) I feel as though tensions would be high with her in Konoha, as even though KInkaku was considered a criminal at this time, he was still a Kumo nin. Is her new husband from Konoha? Or somewhere else? Was she treated differently by the villagers if she did stay in Konoha?

Is she allowed to work as a ninja from Konoha, or even though she is living in Konoha, is she still a Kumo nin?

Once Botan marries Tobirama, does the alliance get put back into place

Does Botan eventually become the head of the clan?

Xoxo gossip girl

[fineillsignup]

Hi! Love your work! However I was wondering the reasoning behind some of your couples in Your Most Important Person. Kakasaku is obivous since it seems to be your Naruto OTP. But why pair Naruto up with an OC instead of Hinata? I do not mean this as hate. I am merely curious about some of your artistic choices. On another note, I see what you're doing with Darui and Kakashi in your ABO fic. Nice one, dude! And Lee and Sakura are great as Eternal Rivals!

I tried to do several personal challenges in YMIP, you’ve hit upon one of them, which was, other than KakaSaku, to write only pairings I’d never written before. I should explain that YMIP was originally meant to be a one-shot (I know!) that would end at the Naruto vs Sasuke fight with KakaSaku acknowledging to each other that they were each other’s soulmarks, and an open ending. But I discovered I wasn’t done telling their particular story and so I kept writing.

I’ll put a cut in here to avoid spoilers.

NaruOC: The main reason for going with an OC was that the particular soulmarks of this universe–first words–and Naruto’s desperation for a soulmate made it near impossible that any canon character was his reciprocal soulmate. Once I realized that, I also realized it was a good opportunity to work on my OC skills. I had fun building Tena from scratch, including her name (which comes from the same legends that give us Kushina and Mito’s father’s name in canon). 

YamaIno: I lowkey ship this, it has a lot of similarity to SaiIno which is a big OTP of mine.

KankuHina: I don’t ship Hinata with many people, but Kankurou is actually one of them. Yes, it’s crack, but there’s a wonderful 279k fic called Marry My Father Please? by kaotic312 with it as a main pairing that made me love it.

Kurotsuchi x Konan: I was constrained by the Kakashi-centric nature of the fic in how much I could go into this, but I was intrigued by the idea of two new generation same-gender village leaders being soulmates, with all the obstacles implied by this–the distance, the conflicting priorities of their villages, whatever prejudices exist against homosexual relationships in the Naruto world–etc. Plus Konan making paper flower crowns out of cocktail napkins is just too sweet. I wanted to write a letter fic series for them for femslash week but I didn’t have time back then. Maybe someday.

One-sided Zabuza x Haku: I wanted a semi-dark mirror of how Kakashi x Sakura could have been if Kakashi had made different choices. In this fic, Zabuza knew Haku was his soulmate based on those first words “Mister, you have the same eyes as me” but intended from the beginning only to exploit and manipulate Haku as a tool (same as canon). So he deliberately manipulates Haku into seeing Zabuza as near to a god. But after the incident with Naruto (in this AU, Gato arrives before Haku dies, so Zabuza and Haku kill Gato), he realizes that’s wrong. Eventually, as Haku gets older, Zabuza falls in love with him. But by that point he realizes that Haku can’t and will never think of him that way, and Haku enters a very happy romantic relationship with another young man who also has a platonic soulmate. At that point in the story, I wanted to kind of shake Kakashi up and get him internally confronting his own feelings and fears. Zabuza x Haku mirrors some of his own fears of what could happen between him and Sakura.

Kabuto x Iruka and Kurenai: Some readers were confused by what’s going on here, which I don’t exactly blame them. Again, one limitation of the narrow Kakashi POV is that I’m limited by what Kakashi wants to think about. I don’t feel it’s true to character for Kakashi to be super nosy about other people’s relationships. I got around this somewhat by having Sakura gossip to him about stuff, haha. But yeah, Kabuto and Iruka are soulmates and romantically involved. Kurenai’s soulmate was Asuma. After Tsunade makes her speech encouraging the birth rate to go up and the blind dating thing is put into practice, the three of them all join for the interests of procreation. They end up hitting it off. I suppose you can say as a threesome they have a queer poly platonic kind of relationship? Kabuto and Iruka are romantically and sexually involved. Kabuto and Iruka each have sex with Kurenai to meet her sexual needs and to father children. (In this universe I’m headcanoning both Kabuto and Iruka as bisexual.) They all live together and jointly parent their biological children as well as the orphans.

ShinoKarin: Shino is her type, canon doesn’t give any data about what Shino’s type is, but anyone has to admit, you put them together and they would be one scary power couple. And just imagine the kikaichu colony that could be hosted in the body of a child of Uzumaki heritage… y i k e s.

Okay that’s all I got time for right now, if there’s any specific couple I didn’t mention, feel free to ask again.

[tydy-the-megnet]

Get Ready for a Long Post: Elby9001 Writing Stats for 2017

Uh… What? Fics I’ve written this year? Jeez, I hope I recall them all.

Tagged by @sp4c3-0ddity (i love your blog so thx!)

Tagging… Um… @jackandlanterns ? and… @yojimbra and… um…… @hopefullypessimistic84 you wanna do it? @fuckingchatnoir too, if you want?

Okay, Let’s do this. Luckily, I tag all my fics on tumblr with #fanfiction so finding all my fics is easy (especially if you want to find them right now *winks with boths eyes*) MOVING ON

Also You can search for this post under the tag “Masterlist” because it has links to ALL my fics. You’re welcome ;)

Breakdown: Fanfics Posted

23 Voltron fics – 60.6%

5 Miraculous Ladybug fics – 13.2%

4 Camp Camp fics – 10.5%

4 Naruto fics – 10.5%

1 RWBY fic – 2.6%

1 Harry Potter fic – 2.6%

Tumblr Fics (Found on my blog, obviously)

–Voltron: Legendary Defender (All Pidgance)

Nonsense (Pidge? Like him? No way)

Together, But Not Together (Lance rambles to Pidge)

Just Like Home (Aw, they’re homesick)

Feline Affectionate (Lance wants the pussy Pidge is a Cat?)

Where Are We? (Lost, but not stressed)

Baked (”Lance, are you… high?”)

Coding (Actually, ciphering)

Freedom (When FInals Week ends)

The Box (Lance has a box. Pidge is curious)

Headpwnd (Dancing)

Treasured (Treasure hunting)

This Guy’s... (Operation: Find-Out-Lance’s-Type)

Iron Paladin (Iron Man AU)

Laundering (Who doesn’t love a good laundry mix-up?)

Preprogrammed (Flirty Robot)

Hopelance Romantic (Lance is a hopeless romantic)

Virtually Impossible (Lance? Winning at video games?)

It’s “Pining,” Not “Piping” (Pidge pining for Lance)

Soulstice (Soulmate AU)

Growing Plance (Pidge has a green-ish thumb)

Snow Angel (Pidge likes the indoors, but miracles do happen)

Tall Tales (He was so tall, and she was so short)

Through the Looking Glass (glasses fluff)

That Cute Green Monster (Green [with envy] Paladin)

–Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir

Marinette DuPun-Cheng (Marinette makes a pun. Adrien Approves)

Dadrien (Adrien makes dad jokes. Marinette does not approve)

How to Pick Up Ladybugs (Adrien finds out Ladybug’s ID and turns up the charm) (Adrienette)

Getting into Character (Adrien and Nino dress-up for Halloween)

Aishiteru, Adrien-kun (Adrienette, Mari tries to confess in foreignese)

–Camp Camp (All Marris)

Pixie and the Python (Max asks Gwen for dating advice)

Making People (Somewhat of a sequel to above)

The Questgivers (Max vs Nerris’ parents)

The New Girl (High school AU)

Fanfiction fics (found here)

–Naruto

The Ultimate Ninjutsu (Team Kakashi wins thanks to Naruto’s jutsu)

Oh, It’s You (NaruHina Soulmate AU)

Assassination Exams (normal school AU – know the game “Assassin”?)

New Soul Revamped! (My take on an OC in Naruto’s body. one of my only multi-chapter fics)

–RWBY

This Is JNPR (Lancaster JNPR band AU romcom)

–Harry Potter

Let It Sink In (Sirius is up to no good, Amelia catches him.)

Total Work Count: 38

Ship Breakdown: PIDGANCE WINS at an overwhelming 60.5% of my fics. Blame @pidgancemonth2017 for that.

Character Breakdown: Pidge Gunderson, aka Katie Holt, wins. Again, protag of 60.5% of my fics.Lance McClain has a good second place, but I focused more on Pidge throughout because I like her more

BESTS AND WORSTS

Best Title(s)? I’m very fond of Through the Looking Glass because I’m a fan of Lewis Carroll and Alice in Wonderland. Also, Growing Plance because I like puns and I adore that ship name.

Worst Title? This Guy’s… I am NOT proud of that one.

Best First Line? From Just Like Home 

“Voltron’s yellow paladin walked into the kitchen with one purpose: snacking.”

I like that line because, like why else would you walk into a kitchen lol

Worst First Line? Direct okay. From New Soul Revamped!

“It was a bright day in the Land of Fire and in the Village Hidden in the Leaves as well.”

I don’t like it because if it’s bright in the Land of Fire, it’s gonna be bright in the Leaf Village duh you idiot

Best Last Line? Well… From Preprogrammed

“‘So,’ she concluded, ‘Why would someone else’s robot flirt with my boyfriend?’”

Because same, girl, same.

but ALSO from Growing Plance

“In a fierce whisper, she spoke to PM3, ‘Pidge McClain III. Not. One. Word.’”

I adore this line because Pidge is so cute in that one.

Worst Last Line? Calling for it again ooh boy. From This Guy’s…

“’Hunk,’ Lance glanced to him, stifling snickers, ‘What do you think of Katie’s new haircut?’”

That line is such a week ending ugh.

GENERAL QUESTIONS

Looking back, did you write more or less fics than you expected?

Way more, mostly because of Pidgance month (it brought upon over half of my fics this year.)

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you wouldn’t have expected last year?

Considering I just got into Voltron this year… Pidgance and Voltron. I mostly stick to the same genres, though…

What’s your favorite story that you wrote?

Through the Looking Glass because I wear glasses and every time someone tells me that I explode I’ve ruined so many outfits with that pls help

What’s your most popular story?

On tumblr, with 72 notes as of 01-01-2018 (one more than the second place spot) is Treasured 

One fanfiction.net Dadrien leads with 119 faves (eight above the second place spot) as of 01-01-2018

Least popular story?

Oh boy… on tumblr, it’s Making People with 5 notes

On fanfiction.net Let It Sink In has only 3 faves

Fic that could use the most improvement?

Emphasis on “the most” because ALL my fics could use improvement to some extent. But the one that needs it the most is Marinette DuPun-Cheng. It was just… awful. I’d scrap it completely and never look back, but I use it as a standing point to say “I’m getting better all the time”

Sexiest Fic? *winks with with both eyes*

SPOILER ALERT

HA! I don’t really write sex scenes… So… The closest would be The Ultimate Ninjutsu, where Naruto uses Sexy Jutsu during the bell-test

Saddest Story?

I don’t write sad stories much either… But I’d have to say

It’s “Pining,” Not “Piping” or That Cute Green Monster

one of those is the saddest, but I can’t decide which.

Most fun to write?

Oh goodness. Three-way tie!

of Voltron, Hopelance Romantic

of Miraculous Ladybug, How to Pick Up Ladybugs

of Camp Camp, Pixie and the Python

Story with single sweetest moment?

Hm. Good question… What is a “sweet moment” though? A moment of genuine connection and caring shown between two people whether romantic, platonic, or familial?

Literally all of Making People is Max doing his best to show Nerris he’s trying. I think that’s really sweet. But also, Treasured is really sweet I think

Hardest story to write?

New Soul Revamped! is really hard because I failed once I’m trying really hard not to fail again.

Hopelance Romantic was also hard, just because I had to keep deleting and rewriting because my first few drafts were unsatisfactory

Easiest story to write?

Freedom was literally me just expressing after making it through finals so

Did any stories shift your perception of characters?

Writing Marinette Dupain-Cheng made me think Marinette was boring unless Ladybug was directly involved.

Most overdue story?

I don’t really put deadlines on my stories… But I guess Tall Tales was uploaded like a day after the prompt dictated?

Did you take any writing risks this year?

This is JNPR is my first multichapter romcom, and I’m not far in, but I’ve learned that you can’t be lenient with your readers because no ending is acceptable

What are your writing goals for 2018?

Ohhh boy… I guess I want to keep up with my multichapter fics, This Is JNPR, New Soul Revamped, and Getting into Character. Also, I want to branch out into some other fandoms, too

Wow. Thanks for tagging me. Doing this has felt amazing.

What now? Snack? Snack.

[kuriquinn]

Not Too Late

Summary: Sasuke is friendly with her – a friendliness that is simultaneously a relief and torture. Their friendship is as it always was, but she finds she is no longer satisfied by that. [SasuSakuMonth2017 – Day 2– Prompt: “Something More”]

Disclaimer: This story utilizes characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelizations, comics or short stories is intended by the author in any way, shape or form. This fan oriented story is written solely for the author’s own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All fiction, plot and Original Characters with the exception of those introduced in the books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn and using them without permission is considered rude, in bad-taste and will reflect seriously on your credibility as a writer. You will be thrown into a pond if you are found plagiarizing.

Warning(s): Road To Ninja OCness for the characters. So flirty, dreamboat Sasuke and emotionally stunted Sakura :P

Fanon Compliance: Takes place several years after The Flip Side

AN: Again, sorry for the lateness, unpacking is kicking my ass. But I now can see my kitchen table, so yay for small victories! Editing will be done at a later date.

This fic was inspired by Anne of the Island by LM Montgomery (my favourite author growing up!). For some reason, the scene where Anne finally figures out how she feels about Gilbert struck me as being a believable way for RTN Sakura to figure out she’s in love with Charasuke.

The clouds are rolling in, threatening a late summer storm, when Sakura finally sets foot through Konoha’s giant gates. Weary and covered in road dust, she waves at Izumo and Kotetsu, before beginning the long trudge into the centre of the village.

She’s been away for almost a month, teaching a series of seminars on antidotes throughout the five shinobi countries. As the foremost medic in Konoha (after Lady Tsunade, of course, though the Hokage is too busy running the village to make many trips these days), Sakura is in high demand for her poison expertise and field training. Although she’s proud of her skills, and the networking will be a step up when it comes time to put forth her candidacy for Hokage, she can’t help feel exhausted.

This trip felt longer and more stressful – possibly because it’s the first one she’s undertaken alone. Her former teammates are so busy these days with their own pursuits. Menma is often away on missions with ANBU – although he’s sworn to secrecy on the matter, she’s pretty sure that he’s the new ANBU commander – and Kakashi is inspiring the next generation of shinobi at the Academy. As for Sasuke, he’s been taking on more responsibility within Konoha’s military police and among his clan, and so rarely has time to spare.

He doesn’t even have the time to flirt anymore, she thinks with grim humour as she passes by the Uchiha district.

It’s quieter than usual, she notices a beat later; most days it’s bustling with activity even late into the night.

The Uchiha are one of the oldest and most respected clans in Konoha, after all, and are usually at the centre of every village tradition and activity. The atmosphere here was always such a stark contrast to her own quiet upbringing – even more so after her parent’s deaths.

Whenever she and Menma used to come here as genin to pick up Sasuke or visit him on their days off, they always ended up running into someone who needed help around the house or with their chores. His older cousins would tease him good-naturedly, and his little cousins would take along with them, in awe of their status as ninja (even if they were only genin at the time).

Sasuke would complain about it, but both Sakura and Menma could always tell that he secretly loved it. He liked people relying on him, would go out of his way to help his older aunts and uncles, and even got his teammates to help him tend to his mother’s garden.

He was even more dedicated in the years after his brother left.

He’s a good guy, that wheedling voice at the back of Sakura’s head reminds her. He’ll make someone a good partner one day.

But she shrugs away that thought, because she’s made her feelings on that particular subject very clear – both to Sasuke and herself.

Being Hokage is an important job, and demands a lot – she’s seen as much with Tsunade; there’s no way she can dedicate herself to that and a family. Besides, as Hokage she might one day end up in the same position as her parents and have to sacrifice herself for the village. The idea of leaving her child or children to grow up orphaned haunts her; she knows from experience there’s no fate worse.

Besides, there will be no shortage of children to look after in the village, especially with all of her agemates pairing off and starting families.

Ino is engaged to a civilian art expert named Kyoya, and somehow Shikamaru managed to charm the Kazekage’s painfully shy sister over the course of the past few chuunin exams. There’s to be a state wedding in Suna next month before Temari officially relocates to Konoha. Choji just recently returned from a trip to Kumo, a soft-spoken bride in tow – apparently, he didn’t want to deal with the fuss of a big wedding.

And then, of course, there’s Menma.

Sakura recalls how a few months ago, Hinata stalked across the town square and flat-out told him they were getting married. And then he sighed, like it was a huge imposition, but accepted.

It should have been the most painful moment of her life, but all Sakura could feel was happy for her friend. She has long-since grown out of her one-sided crush with the Uzumaki boy (and doesn’t it gnaw at her that Sasuke accurately predicted that!), and despite Hinata’s overbearing nature, they’ve developed a mutual respect.

I guess it’s true that they say – that people change, she muses as she leaves the Uchiha district in her wake.

She considers whether she ought to stop at the Hokage Tower first, or home, and decides on the latter. Her mission wasn’t an urgent one, so there’s no need tor report in immediately. Besides, Suna’s desert is still clinging to her skin and her hair feels stiff with sweat. She needs to bathe before she can in good conscience enter the Hokage’s presence.

ロードトウニンジャ

Sakura takes her time once she’s home, enjoying a long shower and the feel of clean clothes on her skin. She even takes a short nap before heading out into the village; there’s no food in the house, and she doesn’t feel like getting groceries this evening.

As usual she heads for the Yakiniku Q, expecting to have a nice meal and perhaps some conversation. There’s always someone around to chat with – one of the double-edged perks of being the child of heroes, she supposes.

When she arrives, she sees a table at the back where a few of her friends are sitting quietly. It’s another oddity – usually her friends are the loudest in the room – but she chalks it up to the lateness of the day.

“Sakura!” Ino gasps when she sees her. “When did you get back?”

“About an hour ago,” she replies, sliding into an empty space. “Have you all ordered yet?”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Hinata sneers. “Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?”

“I’m not due to start any shifts for another day or two,” Sakura replies, frowning at the animosity. Hinata is never pleasant per se, but she’s stopped being so confrontational since her engagement.

“You…have you spoken to anyone else since you’ve been back?” Neji asks, eyes shifting to Tenten, who shakes her head incrementally.

“No, I haven’t,” Sakura says slowly. “Guys, what’s going on? Why are you all acting so…suspicious?”

“If anyone’s acting suspicious, it’d be you,” Hinata returns. “Then again, maybe it’s just who you are. I knew you were cold, but I’d think you’d be a little more upset that your fall-back guy is dying.”

“Hinata!” Tenten objects, eyes flitting anxiously to Sakura.

It takes about ten seconds for her to understand who exactly the Hyūga heiress is talking about, and five more before the meaning behind her words sink in. Once they do, she can only stare at the pale-eyed girl in disbelief.

“What?” she echoes faintly, feeling the blood drain from her cheeks so fast that she feels dizzy.

“Shut up, Hinata,” Ino says with uncharacteristic sharpness. She regards Sakura with the air of someone preparing to diffuse an explosive tag. “Sakura, don’t look like that, it’s – Sakura, do you hear me?!”

“You shouldn’t have told her so suddenly, Neji chides his cousin, who crosses her arms unrepentantly.

“She’s strong enough to take it. You beating around the bush wasn’t doing her any favours.”

“Is it…is it true?” Sakura asks her best friend in a voice that doesn’t sound like hers. “Is Sasuke…?”

“He’s very ill,” Ino confirms gravely. “He got sick about a day or so after you left on your mission.”

Almost a month ago!

“I’m surprised Lady Tsunade didn’t mention it to you when you got back,” Neji remarks.

“I…I just went straight home,” Sakura explains faintly. Her decision to luxuriate in the shower and nap suddenly seem ridiculous and selfish in the face of this new reality. “What’s wrong with him?”

“We don’t know,” Ino says. “Whatever it is, it’s bad enough that his parents brought him to the hospital. The healers don’t – Sakura, please don’t make that face!” Because if the Uchiha, who tend to have their own private family healers see to their needs, brought Sasuke to the hospital, it has to be serious. “He’s strong – you know how strong Sasuke is. He’ll pull through.”

“Shizune was here earlier and she figures there’s no hope,” Hinata remarks, taking a sip of sake.

Ino’s jaw sets, and in a move that is utterly uncharacteristic of her, she promptly marches the Hyūga girl away before Sakura throws a punch at her.

Not that she is at all in the mind frame to do so, because she is still struggling to make sense of what all this means.

“Don’t worry, Sakura,” Neji tells her, resting comforting hand on her shoulder. “Sasuke is Uchiha. They have strong constitutions. I have no doubt that he will pull through.”

But she doesn’t miss the slight waver in his voice, as if he isn’t sure what he’s saying is completely true.

Numb, Sakura shrugs off his hand and stands to leave. She barely hears her friends worriedly call her name as she steps out into the street, staring unseeingly ahead of herself.

The rain has started in earnest since she went inside and now beats down in sheets. Passersby sprint through the road, trying to find shelter, but she barely feels the water on her skin. The air throbs with energy, vibrating with the thunder, and three blocks away, Sasuke Uchiha lies dying. 

“Don’t be such an idiot.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“If you spent as much time on your jutsus as you do on flirting, you’d be better than Menma.”

“Why would I go on a date with you, you playboy?”

She remembers every single time she told him to leave her alone, or wished he would move on and get out of her life. Now that he might just do that, Sakura realises that it would be like cutting out a vital organ.

She begins to run.

ロードトウニンジャ

“What’s wrong with him?” Sakura demands as she bursts into the Critical Care ward, not bothering with a greeting.

“S-Sakura-sensei, you’re not supposed to –!”

 “Symptoms, Ando, or don’t bother speaking,” she barks.

“P-patient presented with…with shortness of breath and coughing,” her intern stammers. “Within a day it transitioned into full-fledged hemoptysis, resulting in the family admitting him to Critical Care. He’s required constant monitoring and daily healing sessions to keep his lungs clear.”

“Anything else?”

“I’m really not supposed to –”

“Then don’t – pass me his chart! He’s dying and you’re wasting my time with red tape!” she snarls, grabbing the clipboard from the flustered teenager and storming down the hallway to the wing where the patients dying of terminal diseases are housed.

The fact that Sasuke has been placed there makes her want to vomit.

Upon turning the corner, she finds her way blocked by two familiar figures. Kakashi and Menma are like two pillars against the doors, both of them looking a little pale as she marches toward them.

“You can’t go in there, Sakura,” Kakashi tells her as she gets within arms reach; his usual exuberance has disappeared, replaced with a sombreness that matches Gai’s.

“The hell I can’t,” she growls. “Move before I make you move.”

“It’s Lady Tsunade’s orders,” Menma tells her. “You’re not permitted to treat a loved one, Sakura, you know that. It’s hospital policy and standard in the four laws of medical ninjutsu.”

“I am the student of the Sannin Tsunade,” Sakura bites out, thumbing at the seal on her forehead, “and I am exempt from those laws.”

“Not today, you aren’t,” Menma maintains. “If you step foot in that ward, Tsunade will stop treating him and restrain you herself. Are you willing to gamble with your friend’s life just to feel useful?”

His words cut a chink into the desperate fury that has been driving her since she left the restaurant.

Under the empathetic eyes of her friends, Sakura is forced to make a difficult decision: either stay here, useless, and let Tsunade do her best to heal Sasuke, or kick up a fuss and delay him getting the treatment he deserves.

She swallows a painful lump in her throat.

It’s really no choice at all.

Her shoulders slump and she lets Kakashi guide her out of the Critical Care ward and into the general waiting room. 

She spends the rest of the night pacing every other hallways and demanding news from the nurses, until Lady Tsunade sends Shizune out and tells her she will be drugged and sent home if she doesn’t stop. After that she adopts a lone window that looks out onto the Critical Care ward across the courtyard and waits, trying not to imagine the horrors that could be happening over there right then.

That Sasuke’s died, or that the damage to his body is irreversible.

Her vigil lasts the night, through hours of the storm raging outside and the darkness that threatens to consume her. Kakashi and Menma come and go in the background, trying to tempt her to go home and sleep or eat something, but she ignores them, refusing to acknowledge anyone unless it’s someone with news of Sasuke.

Because Sakura has come to a bitter, belated revelation: that she is in love with Sasuke Uchiha. That she has always been in love with him, and she knows that now.

Her knowledge comes too late, because now she might not even get the chance to tell him. She has been so blind and foolish, so focussed on becoming something worth her deceased parents’ pride and trying to impress the one man who would never see her as more than a sister that she wasted their time.

Tsunade is right: Sakura shouldn’t be anywhere near him right now. She doesn’t deserve to be near him.

But…but if he dies…he’ll go without ever knowing how I feel. He’ll die thinking I don’t return his feelings and then…

And then she’ll be left without him.

Instantly, Sakura can see it – years and years of emptiness stretching out in front of her, all of her other dreams and ambitions fulfilled, but pale and colourless shadows of what she hoped for. Hollow, because there will be no one to share it with.

She presses her head against the cool window, feeling the vibrations of the raindrops on the other side of the pane, and for the first time since she lost her parents, she wishes she could die too. If Sasuke leaves her, if he dies without a word or sign or message between them, she won’t make it. Nothing has any value without him.

She belongs to him and he to her, and he’s always known that and she always insisted it wasn’t true.

The storm rages all the rest of the night and into the morning, the winds and thunder seeming to keep time with her pacing. Only as the heavy raindrops fade away and Sakura can’t take one more moment of sitting uselessly in the waiting room does she hail one of the nurses.

“Have you heard anything about Sasuke Uchiha this morning?” she asks, forcing her voice to remain steady and professional.

Under normal circumstances the staff aren’t allowed to share information with anyone that isn’t family, but everyone here knows Sakura and her desperation is clear on her face.

“The last I heard, he’s better,” the nurse says. “Lady Tsunade pulled him through the worst of it about half an hour ago. I heard her tell Lady Shizune that he’s going to make a full recovery.”

“And they’ve…they’ve figured out what was wrong with him?”

“Yes. Some underlying genetic condition, I believe. Once Lady Tsunade figured it out, she was able to heal the cause – oh! Lady Sakura, what’s wrong?”

Stunned and thankful, Sakura has burst into relieved tears and flees the hospital.

ロードトウニンジャ

In the wake of Sasuke’s recovery, Sakura avoids going to see him.

Menma and Kakashi press her on it, but she can’t properly explain to them what the problem is; eventually they give up trying, but she sees their judgemental looks and knows she deserves them.

How is she supposed to explain that she’s afraid to face Sasuke? His family were by his side through his sickness, while she was off pursuing her own interests for a month. No one thought to inform her of his condition, because she made it utterly clear how she felt – or didn’t feel – about him, and it was only when he was dying that she let go of her stubbornness and accepted her feelings for him.

That after everything, she hardly deserves to be his friend, let alone to love him. Even if she still has his friendship, she has no idea what to say.

The self-flagellation continues unendingly for a while, even days after Sasuke is up and about. Hinata holds a party one night to celebrate his recovery (and also to apologise for her lack of tact when she told Sakura about it), and they run into each other there. They make easy conversation, exchange pleasantries and then Sakura makes an excuse that she has to work.

For the first time in their lives, Sasuke doesn’t bother to flirt with her, and she tosses and turns in bed that night thinking what that means.

A week later he comes to see her at the hospital.

“There’s a familiar sight,” he remarks, taking note of her hunched over several charts.

Sakura jumps and stares up at him, her cheeks warming both at the sight of him and being caught unawares. “S-Sasuke! What are you doing here?”

“My final check-up was today,” he says, speaking to her in the same easy tone as he always did. “As soon as I get the okay, I’m headed to the training grounds.” He pauses, and then with the same comradely grin as always, suggests, “You want to come along? It’s been a while since we sparred, and I think Menma’s picking out china patterns or something.”

Sakura looks at him rather blankly.

“I wish I could,” she says slowly, “but I can’t. There’s a viral epidemic two towns over, and Lady Tsunade has me watching vaccine samples all night. There’s no way I can get away.” She bites her lips and offers him an apologetic glance beneath her lashes. “I’m really sorry. I’d actually love to go with you.”

“What about tomorrow afternoon then, after you’ve gotten some sleep?” Sasuke asks, apparently not put-off by her refusal.

There’s a beat of hesitation, but Sakura musters a smile. “That works for me.”

Their eyes meet for a beat longer, and then she looks away.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, then,” Sasuke states. He pauses, and then adds, “Don’t work too hard tonight, or you’ll be too tired.”

He leaves before she can think of a response.

Sakura looks after him as he goes away and sighs, throwing down her pen.

Sasuke is friendly with her – a friendliness that is simultaneously a relief and torture. Their friendship is as it always was, but she finds she is no longer satisfied by that.

She wants more than his friendship, but also more than the cheap rose of a momentary fling. Without his usual one-liners or appraising looks, she can’t tell if he’s finally moved on or is just better at hiding it. She  worries that maybe he no longer feels anything for but friendship, and wonders if all her years of rejecting him have finally taken.

Sakura groans and presses her palms to her eyes.

“This is ridiculous,” she says out loud to now one. Within barely a fortnight, true love has reduced to one of those insecure girls that obsesses over a man. “I’m not doing this. I just need to…to get over it.”

If Sasuke can apparently get over her so easily, she’ll figure out how to do the same. By throwing herself into her work, if she has to. Success and ambition will have to take the place of love, and she tries to comfort herself by the fact that she’ll do great, noble work as Hokage one day, especially without having to worry about her own heart.

Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t believe herself.

ロードトウニンジャ

When Sasuke comes to pick her up from her house the next afternoon, she takes more care than she ever has with her appearance. She knows they’re only going to train, but something in her wants him to notice her as a woman – perhaps flirt with her the way he used to.

They take the long way to the training grounds, passing through the forested paths where the trees are just beginning to change their colours.

“It’s been a while since I came this way,” Sakura says, only to fill the silence between them that falls just short of companionable.

“Me too,” Sasuke says. “I think I only ever used this way because it took longer to get to the training grounds.”

“And we still always got there before Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura agrees. “Because he always had some kind of life-or-death competition with Gai-sensei that he had to finish before training.”

“Remember our first battle as a team?”

“Yes! You passed out, I got thrown into the pond and Menma ended up buried up to his head in the ground.”

“That was still less embarrassing than having to introduce ourselves,” he says.

“That’s right! You talked for ten minutes straight about your tomato garden and how much you liked salad!”

“And Menma had that huge speech about how it was his duty to repopulate the Uzumaki clan throughout the five shinobi nations,” Sasuke remembers, shuddering. “And then Kakashi figured that was a prime teaching opportunity and gave us the sex-talk.”

“That was mortifying!”

“Speak for yourself, you didn’t have him follow you home to assure your parents that he had “dutifully ensured their son would be responsible in all matters of a sexual nature”,” Sasuke says, rolling his eyes. Then he winces and says, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s…it’s alright.”

They are quiet again.

“You were always so strong in the face of that,” Sasuke says after a while. “I don’t even know what I would do without my family, but you…it just made you stronger. Even back then, you dreamed of becoming Hokage to make them proud or die trying.”

“Well…that last part of the dream has changed,” she says lightly. “Most dreams do, over time.”

“And some don’t,” he says seriously, something resolute entering his voice. He stops walking, and Sakura is forced to do the same, staring up at him in surprise. “Things haven’t changed for me – not really. There’s something – someone – I’ve always wanted, even from back then. Maybe it was always a dream, but I’m going to keep wanting it, even if it can’t come true.”

Sakura opens her mouth to speak, but the words get stuck somewhere in her throat. It’s as if she’s been struck dumb with disbelief and a mounting terror that if she speaks she’ll break the spell of what’s happening.

“I want my family to be whole,” Sasuke continues. “I want my brother back. I want my parents to grow old surrounded by grandchildren. I want my wife to be the woman I love until I die.” He peers at her intently. “In that dream, my wife is you.” Sakura barely has a chance to acknowledge the burgeoning feeling of happiness, when he takes her hands in his. “I know I said I’d wait for you, but I’ve been thinking it over. And perhaps it’s not waiting that’s the problem. Perhaps I’ve been asking you the wrong thing all these years. I’ve been asking you out on dates, when I should have been asking you to marry me.”

Marry?!

“And so…” he takes a deep breath, vulnerability crossing his features for the first time since he started speaking, “if I ask you differently today – if I ask you if you want to spend the rest of our lives together – will you give me a different answer?”

She still can’t speak – her brain is stubbornly stalled somewhere around the word ‘love’. Instead, she lifts her eyes and gazes into his for a long moment, trying to convey her answer - nstead, she lifts her eyes and gazes into his for a long moment, trying to convey her answer – yes, yes! A million times yes, you annoying man! – and he seems to understand, because he breaks into a breathtaking smile.

And then she can’t to much else but grab him by the lapels of his shirt and drag his lips down to her own.

He makes a noise of surprise, but a beat later realises what’s happening, and then his arms are around her, pulling her in closer to him. His mouth is unexpectedly soft against her own, but it becomes harder and more demanding as the kiss deepens.

Eventually they pull away from each other, and Sasuke stares down at her, breathless.

“Is that a ‘yes’?’ he pants.

“It’s an ‘I love you’, you annoying man.”

His eyes soften. “I love you.”

She blushes and hides her face in his chest.

“I don’t understand how you could keep loving me after all this time when I’ve been such an idiot,” she says, hoping that her words are lost in the fabric of his shirt.

“I tried to stop,” he says, causing her to pull away and stare up at him in anguish. “Not because you’re an idiot – you’re not – but because it’s hard to compete with someone like Menma.”

“You’ve competed with him your whole life.”

“Yeah, on arenas where we were evenly matched. When it came to your affections, he already had them without even trying.”

“I got over Menma.”

“I know that. But I still figured I needed to give you time after he and Hinata became engaged. He was your first love, after all. If I approached you right after, it would have felt like I was rubbing it in your face,” he explains reasonably. “And I…didn’t want to be your rebound.”

“You are not my rebound,” she tells him fiercely. “And Menma was no my first love.”

He cocks his head to one-side, inquisitive.

“You were,” she says, looking away and feeling her cheeks redden. “But then one day you showed up and started handing out roses to every pretty girl within a ten foot radius and I decided I didn’t want to be just another one of your admirers.”

He stares.

“Sakura, that was before we were genin even. You already…?”

She crosses her arms, defensive, cheeks red.

To her surprise, Sasuke groans and slaps himself in the forehead. “I’m a moron.”

“A bit, yeah.”

“And here I though I needed to do something dramatic like almost die to get you to accept your feelings for me, when you already had them!”

Sakura shudders.

“Don’t joke about that,” she begs, “It’s too soon.”

Sasuke sobers. “When I was sick, Tsunade told me about how you reacted. She said you almost took out Kakashi and Menma to get to me. You’d be amazed how determined I was to get better after that.”

She smiles wanly at that and shivers.

“I’ll never forget thinking you were going to die,” she whispers. “I knew right then. It was like the world shifted. I knew and…and I thought it was too late. I thought I would lose you and have to pay for my mistake by being alone forever.”

Sasuke’s eyes soften and he pulls her close, cradling her protectively in his arms. They stand like that for longer than Sakura knows, though she doesn’t care. If he wanted to stay like this forever, she would agree without hesitation.

Except he doesn’t, because he pulls away.

“Let’s make an agreement,” he suggests. “No more waiting.”

“huh?”

“We’ll tell my parents tonight and get married as soon as we can find someone to perform the ceremony,” he goes on. “And you’ll move in with me and my family, and then you’ll never have to be alone again.”

“Move in with your…Sasuke…that’s a bit…soon,” she protests weakly. “Besides, what if they’re no…alright with…with me?”

“You know my mother loves you. And my father respects you, which he’d say is more important than liking you, but he’ll learn to. If by some fluke they disapprove, we’ll just elope.”

“They’ll disown you!”

“So what? That just means they’ll have two disowned sons. It might give them the motivation they need to accept Itachi back home,” he snorts.

“Sasuke!”

“Besides, it’s occurred to me that there’s never been an Uchiha Hokage,” he continues with the air of someone musing one of life’s greatest mysteries. “No one in my family will have a problem with my wife once you succeeds Tsunade.”

Sakura blushes darkly. “I haven’t even officially said ‘yes’ yet.”

Something dark enters Sasuke’s eyes.

“I guess I’ll have to keep convincing you then,” he tells her, and then his lips are on hers again.

She decides she likes his form of persuasion.

終わり

Thank you all for reading! Reviews and concrit are much appreciated - and if you’re feeling generous, I also accept tips through ko-fi (just scroll to the top and click the button!)

クリ

[fafsernir]

Rules: List the first lines of your last 15 stories. See if there are any patterns. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors! (*sweats nervously*)

Thanks @plume8now​ for tagging me, that's so sweet!

I put the ones I most recently added words to, not the ones I last started, although for some it's the same. (Most of the fics are Friends fics, don’t be surprised) Sorry for the No Titles (I warn you now, 9 don’t have titles), but I’m not going to find them now ;) And the untitled are the unpublished, so they might change.

1. No Title #1 (Friends, it’s a highscool!AU (well, more like, “they’re young” AU) that I wrote solely to write about the impact of the divorce of Chandler’s parents on him when he was younger)

The air was thick and humid, as a promise of rain. There were clouds, but still no rain, and it had been going like this since the morning. Students were chatting, laughing, sharing... going on with their lives, mostly.

Chandler was bored, as usual.

2. No Title #2 (Friends, shameless Rachel who’s spying on Chandler & Monica because she needs to know more but they’re still secret)

Rachel grinned evilly as she opened her door enough for her to hear everything that happened in the living-room, and even to peek in the apartment, if needed. It would probably be needed, for her own dying curiosity.

Joey was the most useless gossiper she had ever met.

3. No Title #3 (Friends, just Chandler & Rachel being friends and bonding over their parents’ divorces because he’s the only one who really gets what she’s going through)

The gang – minus Chandler who was working late – was sitting in Monica's apartment, trying to cheer Rachel up. Her mother had introduced her to her new boyfriend – her first since they had heard about her parents splitting up – and the whole thing made her feel really down.

“Is he a bad guy?” Ross asked, trying to understand why Rachel was feeling like this.

“No, he's nice.”

4. No Title #4 (Friends, how nine-year-old Chandler started smoking)

There was always yelling, that hadn't changed, at least. Not much had actually changed. Except that now, Chandler knew. He knew his parents wouldn't be together again. Not that he had really expected them to stop yelling each time they were in the same room, but as long as they hadn't said the words, they seem to retain some of their anger for each other. At least when their son was in the same room. Now, they didn't. They simply started raising their voices every time they saw each other, and Chandler fled more and more rapidly the room.

5. No Title #5 (OCs, Jack (no, not Jack Harkness, but you might find similarities) and Kyle live together with other young people, and they had sex  (just Jack and Kyle, not everyone ;D) and now Jack can’t stop thinking about it.)

Jack looked around but soon shook his head with a sigh. He saw nothing that he liked, and settled for staring at his drink. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He liked what he was seeing – when did he not, really? – but he didn't feel like hooking up with a stranger. Being with the group was exhausting, especially because they weren't even all sure of what they were supposed to do or find. They didn't even really have a choice. They had been told to be here, to do that, and they did. Jack didn't like it, most of the time.

6. No Title #6 (OCs, still Jack and Kyle, the moment Kyle realized he was in love with Jack)

Jack cursed as he lost at his phone game for the umpteenth time. He growled, throwing his head back, although Kyle's stomach prevented it from moving much. He stared at Kyle, who was reading a book in silence, and half turned, poking him to have his attention. He barely glanced his way, and kept reading.

“I'm boooored,” Jack sighed.

7. No Title #7 (Friends, just some Monica/Chandler talk with Monica worried that he would cheat on her)

Monica couldn't sleep. Everyone had found out about her and Chandler's relationship and they could finally be out in the open – although she'd probably miss some of that sneaking around period, she was glad it was over. Their first night together, without having to worry about being quiet, or waking up early to go back to the apartment across the hallway.

Perfect, one might thought.

(Spoiler alert: it was not perfect. XD)

8. No Title #8 (Friends, some pre-Mondler (and pre-series) with Chandler worrying and taking care of Monica because Kip is being a huge jerk)

It was already raining when Chandler left his workplace, so he stopped at the Iridium on his way back, in the hope that the rain would stop while he talked to Monica. It was fairly late for Chandler to go home, so the restaurant already had a few customers, and he asked one of the waiters if Monica was around. She walked to him shortly after, glad to take her break with him for once. She didn't have long, but he talked to her a bit and made her laugh, which was more than enough. He loved making people laugh.

9. No Title #9 (Friends, when Ross lives with Joey and Chandler, and Chandler is grumpy because Ross can easily be angry, and he’s exhausted because his relationship with Monica is still secret)

Chandler closed the door harshly, not slamming it, but almost. After Ross had torn the tickets in two, Chandler had tried to continue arguing, just because now he was upset and wouldn't go to the game – not even alone – but Joey had told them that he wouldn't write anything if they kept talking to each other like this, and Ross had kicked Chandler out. He had been kicked out of his own apartment! Ross wasn't paying any rent, Joey rarely was, and he was the one being kicked out?!

He hit the ground with his foot, pouting. This sucked. Living with two roommates sucked.

10. Irrational fear (Friends, Chandler dealing with his fear of dogs)

Chandler doesn't like walking in crowded places that much. Actually, he doesn't really enjoy walking outside. It's not that he wants to stay inside all the time, but being outside always puts him in an awkward position. Particularly when he walks past a dog. His heart fastens in his chest, his stomach doesn't look happy, and his mind wanders to crazy places, with thoughts like “What if that dog suddenly jumps at me?!”

11.  Orlesian Fries (Dragon Age: Inquisition, just some fun with the Inquisitor dumping 4 of the companions in Val Royeaux and they’re bored)

Cassandra grunted, clearly annoyed – but then again, when was she not? Varric was writing in a notebook, inwardly smiling because he knew that Cassandra wanted to read what he was writing. Dorian was busy looking at stalls, being really judgmental about most of the clothes he saw. Solas just looked really bored. Big cities weren't his strong suit.

None of them really knew what they were doing here, why they all were here, or even where the fuck was the Inquisitor.

12.  Right time, right place (Crossover Harry Potter / Friends, with Remus in the US bumping into Chandler)

The man entered the Muggle bar, surprised that it wasn't as crowded as he would have thought. It was probably due to the fact that it was the middle of the week, and still pretty early. Remus scanned the room, trying to guess if there were any wizards. He relaxed a bit when he saw no sign of magic, and ordered a beer. He ignored the few looks people gave him, now having understood that people couldn't instantly guess that he was out of place – by being a wizard, or a werewolf. He just looked like a hobo, for both Muggles and people accustomed to the Magical Word.

13. The Great Lake (One Piece, Hogwarts!AU with Luffy being Luffy, basically)

Law walked fast in the corridors, easily avoiding the other students. One of his books almost fell but he tightened his hold on it and finally walked out the castle, breathing freely. He slowed his pace, even stopping when he saw someone sleeping on the grass. Flashy green hair sticking out of a dark green cap? It could only be Zoro, Luffy's best friend.

14. Rivals (Naruto, some Gai & Kakashi friendship after Sakumo’s suicide)

As Gai turned at another corner, he stopped. He had been following Kakashi for more than half an hour, but his classmate didn't seem to be here anymore. He frowned, looking around, checking other turns, but he found nothing.

“Why are you following me?” a voice said behind him.

15.  Wish You Were Here (Torchwood, good ol’ angst after the end of Season 2 with Ianto feeling alone because why not make him suffer even more)

Ianto closed his eyes, letting the surrounding noises fill his mind, hoping it would help him relax. It worked for a few seconds, then he felt exhaustion wash over any relaxing thoughts. He sighed, thinking about how hard work had become. They were only three to handle a job that had already been a bit out of control when there were five of them, and Ianto single handled most of it. Not that the other two were doing nothing, but Jack relied on him for a lot of things, and Gwen still had enough free time to go on dates and have a married life.

Sometimes, Ianto just felt lonely, both in his job and his life.

I already know what my pattern is; it’s starting most of my fics by a character’s name. That’s a strange pattern. But I don’t like description, I just directly dive into the action.

Well, that was... fun and interesting, because I sure thought some were older than others.

Do I even read 10 different authors whose Tumbler username I know? Probably not. So I'm going for the ones I remember and love to read! @panto-x​ @gmariam321​ @trashlord-watson​ @avaantares​ @fabricati-diem-punc​ If you guys feel like it, of course :) (That’s not 10, but leave me alone, I love those 5 :D)

[dreamscript]

Well then, I guess my nickname can be Anime Anon BECAUSE SAME. Like it'/ hard keeping track of languages when you watch anime but listen to kpop at the same time =_= So wait, what's your current favourite anime? I just finished "Servamp" and i am SHOOK

i’ve nevER HEARD OF SERVAMP BUT I WILL SEARCH IT UP

and well actually, hm. i like manga a lot more because there usually tends to be a lot more plot development, etc. in it but uhh okay, I’ll just list some of my favorite manga that i know have become animes (though i may not have necessarily watched them all, lmfao asdfd):

deadman wonderland all the fucking way. holy shit. fave af. didn’t watch the anime, though, and don’t plan to since I can’t fare well with all that gore. b&w is a lot easier to deal with (though i can’t say i sit well with all of the graphic depictions of severed limbs, etc., but it’s a lot better when they’re not done in color). i love love love the characters, though not so much the lead (ganta); the side characters–i feel–are far more fascinating. i have no idea how far the anime goes but i really fucking loved the chapters that covered hummingbird/peacock/that old man (fuck i forgot his name)’s backstories ugasdhf and then i really (strangely) enjoyed the backstory of mockingbird and the final chapter was just a blessing. serious trigger warnings, though, if the title didn’t give much away already rip

orange is also really good and i only just recently found it that it became an anime. as in like, a few days ago. but i remember reading the manga and just asijfdkasdfids anticipating the updates and then the final chapter got me in dem feels :’) i love it. so much. it’s so refreshingly different from typical shoujo, too, and i love how they threw in the whole time travel thing in there which was like lowkey angsty the entire time but also it was like !! there is salvation!! (no that was not a spoiler but it is a source of stress and many tears). also, for anyone thinking of watching/reading this, gonna throw out (another) trigger warning out there.

soul eater is like lowkey my childhood bUT only lowkey though because i didn’t really start getting into it until like middle school LOL but then i got obsessed and watched the anime like 1239 times and then i was like oh hey manga is a thing! and i kinda read it, though it was confusing for me because the anime/manga splinter a bit so there isn’t exactly a clear, 100% cutoff from where the anime ends and the manga continues (i would explain more but then there would be spoilers). in any case, maka is literally queen as fuck and soul is such a slimy dork lmfAOOOASDF i love their dynamic for some reason so much??? but anyways the action anD THE WORLD HOL YSHIT I LOVE THE WORLD OF SOUL EATER like the dwma sounds like such a fucking cool place to study at, and the idea of some students being able to turn into weapons like ?!!?! sign me up

one piece, holy shit one piece leeemmmmeee tell you, yes, i may be basic af listing this one but ALSO ITS SO ASDIFJ I LOVE ODA’S LIKE WORLD BUILDING THING and also he’s a really funny guy. this was my obsession for a while but then i got too bored waiting for the next episode to come out (broh–listen. thursdays used to be my day because that’s when the next subbed episode would get released and i just asdfjiasdf). in any case, i just love it a lot and i’m still highkey married to zoro listen and perona’s devil fruit is literally like a++ idk why i like it so much but i just do and it’s so funny and wowoowow yes it’s long as fuck but it’s so fucking worth it and random fact: i actually started watching right in the middle of the thriller bark arc, and then after i got completely caught up i started jumping around earlier episodes until i’d watched (basically) all of them. granted, it was kinda confusing at first, but i’d do it again LOL

naruto because, like, dude, this shit’s a classic. i watched a lot of naruto when i was a kid, and then later on when i was super into anime i watched a lot of naruto shippuden (come to think of it, i don’t remember much of the original naruto. it was so long ago). i really liked the pain arc, it was so painfully feelsy and ughghasdfds and kakashi sensei and also i have not really caught up but i should because my fav character is gaara and i need to watch all the gaara episodes um but also highkey i have read the final two chapters and the first two chapters of boruto wow i love to spoil the stories for myself a lot a++ @ me lmfao (what am i saying help??)

gekkan shoujo to nozaki-kun becauSE LMFAO i relate to sakura bit too hard, and overall this shit is like, legit the funniest ever. there isn’t a lot of romance (or at least, not as much as one would expect from a shoujo) but the comedy factor makes up for it 1000000%. i love it. i don’t know what else to say but basically it’s kind of like a series of interrelated crackshots that revolve around a certain group of characters and it kind of fleshes out their relationships in the most hysterical way i lov it. i haven’t watched the anime yet, though, but i would love to sometime soon asjidf

durarara!! is love because in addition to being married to zoro, i am also in a committed (??!?!?) relationship with izaya because holy shit he’s such a little sly shit and i love him. i’ve watched about half the anime and read a bit of drrrr! and i love celty, simon is bae, and and and yeah i also don’t have much else to say about it. if you don’t know much about it, it’s basically about this (strange as fuck) city and these seemingly unrelated groups of people in it (ie the black Russian sushi dude who hands out flyers on the streets, high school students, an information broker, a headless motorcyclist) and how certain incidents connect them

mekakucity actors though it’s probably a bit hard to understand for people who didn’t know the vocaloid series it stemmed off from. but in any case, it’s kind of similar to durarara in which it’s basically how a group of seemingly unrelated people are connected to each other, but it’s more central in that rather than certain events, it’s just one, major danger and the fact that they all have a certain power to them. trigger warning on this one, though. it’s sad, agh, though the anime has a happier ending than the official ending for the vocaloid series (and probably the manga–i haven’t read it, so i don’t know). if you ever need someone to explain things to you, i got ya.

black rock shooter (the anime) is pretty good and it’s kind of different in that it does have a manga (several versions, in fact) but the anime has its very own storyline (and interpretation of the characters and their various relationships). there are even several oc’s introduced that are major players in the plot, and i found that really interesting (though i preferred one of the manga versions more, which is listed below). there’s actually no like… realistic depiction of blood (it’s like… blue) and i appreciate that, though some parts can come off as a bit… deranged. either way, i really enjoy these types of storylines haisf and brs is badass, i’ll tell you that.

i have a lot more but i can’t think of any at the moment D:

as for mangas that are not animes (as far as i am aware), I’d also want to rec these (* = possible trigger):

money is life*

kakegurui

shinrei tantei yakumo-kun*

black rock shooter: innocent soul*

koisuru harinezumi

nickelodeon*

I’d def go into detail in explaining these as well, but this post already seems long enough so maybe i’ll save that for another day :’))

(but they are literally so fucking good aoisjdfsdf)

[kuriquinn]

Why Sasuke Uchiha Will Never Drink Again [One-Shot]

Masterlist & Disclaimer

Summary: One of Konoha’s best kept secrets is no longer a secret.

Disclaimer: This story utilises characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelisations, comics or short stories is intended by KuriQuinn in any way, shape or form. This fan-oriented story is written solely for the author's own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All plot and Original Characters except for those introduced in the canon books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn. (© KuriQuinn 2016- )

Rating: T

Warning: Mild OOC? They’re characters that grew up differently than the canon, so a little bit of change in personality. Mentions of OCs (Manako Inuzuka)

Canon/Fanon Compliance: AU ‘verse. Sasuke left Konoha, but he came back right away or right after training or something. Team 7 went on to become ANBU

"This," Sasuke says, "is ridiculous."

"No, this is genius," Naruto retorts. "And long overdue. You're back for the first time in two years—with a secret baby you didn't tell anyone about—"

"Because you wouldn't have overreacted about it at all," Sai interjects.

"—and I finally have a night off from learning all the most boring Hokage crap—"

"Ahem," Kakashi cough as he carefully pours several shot glasses full of the strongest nihonshu that Tsunade ever hid in the Hokage's office. He still keeps it around for days when his choices are between getting blind drunk or committing homicide.

Usually because of the three other men in the room with him and their female teammate.

"—and our lovely wives are catching Sakura up on two years of gossip—"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "It wasn't two years, idiot."

"—so we are going to spend the night doing manly bonding stuff," Naruto concludes.

"Which apparently involves copious amounts of alcohol."

"Damn straight."

"Why am I here?" Sai asks. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I don't need 'manly bonding stuff'."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow at him. "Did you just use air quotes?"

"Did I not do it properly?"

"No, you did. It's just…weird."

"Noted."

"I'm going home," Sasuke sighs and heads toward the door. "Kakashi, I'll be back to give you my report tomorrow, when you're not surrounded by morons."

"Hm, it appears what Sakura told Ino was true," Sai remarks innocently.

"Huh. Looks like," Naruto agrees, also affecting a casual tone of voice.

"I never would have believed it," Kakashi concludes, and Sasuke can practically hear him shaking his head.

He stops, mid-step, and his eyes drift closed in resignation. Every brain cell he was ever given tells him to ignore it. People have goaded him with worse in the past and he has learned not to rise to the bait.

However—

It's Naruto. And an insinuation by Naruto does not go unanswered, for any reason.

"What has my wife been saying?" Sasuke asks, not turning around and trying to keep his tone carefully measured.

"Only that your alcohol tolerance is worse than Lee's," his oldest friend concludes happily. "And here I was going to give you a chance to prove that was just a lie…"

Sasuke's jaw clenches, hearing the challenge in Naruto's voice, and he really should just keep going.

Of course, that's not what he does.

Whirling around he marches towards the filled shot glasses and reaches for one, intending to throw it down his throat just to prove he isn't worried about it.

Naruto stops him.

"Hey-hey, hold on, you're not just gonna chug them!" he protests. "Where's the fun in that?"

"Ah, is this where the 'manly bonding stuff' comes in?" Sai inquires. "I assume you have some kind of drinking game in mind, then?"

"Not happening," Sasuke declares, although he doesn't return on his path to the door.

"Kiba showed it to me," Naruto says cheerfully. "It's called ‘Never Have I Ever’."

"Oh, this is going to go well," Kakashi gives a resigned sigh.

"The rules are easy! Someone confesses something they have never done, and the other people who have done that thing all have to take a shot," Naruto explains.

"And the point of this is…?" Sasuke asks.

"To see who passes out drunk first," Sai says.

"And manly bonding," Naruto adds.

"I'm going home," Sasuke says.

"I can assign you cat retrieval missions from now until Sarada enters the Academy," Kakashi points out innocently.

Sasuke glares and takes a seat in front of the desk where several shot glasses are just waiting to be consumed.

"Very well, I will go first," Sai declares, considering for a moment. Then he beams. "I have never sung karaoke."

Naruto throws back a shot, and Kakashi sighs before doing the same.

"Really?" Sai asks.

"It was one of Gai's tamer challenges," Kakashi says, which explains it all. He side-eyes his former students. "Never have I ever snuck into a movie."

Naruto and Sasuke exchange glances and down their drinks.

"Why would you bother doing that?" Sai wants to know.

"We were thirteen," Naruto explains. "And technically we paid. But sitting on the ceiling wasn't exactly allowed, so we had to sneak in."

"But…why?"

"Training," Sasuke answers shortly, and then smirks at Naruto. He nods at one of the shots in front of him. "I have never accidentally set myself on fire."

Naruto glares, but reaches for the drink nonetheless. "That was once."

"It still happened."

"Yeah, well I never set someone on fire on purpose."

Sasuke snorts but reaches for his drink without outward complaint. Kakashi takes a drink as well.

Through that damned mask, as usual. I guess it's a good thing you're not supposed to taste the alcohol anyhow…

Sasuke's eye twitches as the liquor burns its way down his throat, and he wonders if it's possible to learn to speed up one's metabolism in a matter of minutes. He knows kunoichi are taught that trick in the Academy and makes a mental note to ask Sakura about it later.

As for now, he is going to have to play this ridiculous game in a manner that gets his friends inebriated before he hits his limit.

Sakura is going to pay for mentioning this…

"Never have I ever…" Sai begins, and then says brightly, "urinated in the shower."

Kakashi groans in disgust and Sasuke casually tells him, "There is something deeply wrong with you." When Naruto turns red and takes a shot, he adds, "And in your case, that goes without saying."

"I blame dealing with your bullshit," Naruto shoots back.

"Now, now, let's think of happier things," Kakashi lectures in a mocking tone. "For example, the fact that I have never been beaten up by an ostrich."

Sai sniggers as Naruto and Sasuke adopt identical beleaguered expressions and throw back their respective shots.

"Why are you guys picking on me?" Naruto complains, wiping his mouth.

"It's not our fault you've done pretty much every idiotic thing under the sun," Sasuke retorts, having to concentrate on enunciating his words. His cheeks feel a little warmer than usual, too. "Unlike you, I've never graffitied public property."

Naruto reaches for the next shot and sneers at Sasuke, "Yeah, but at least I've never been to prison. That's pretty idiotic."

Sasuke chooses not to reply to that, mostly because he still retains enough of his (ever-lessening) judgement to know that picking a fight while under the influence of alcohol would be a bad idea.

Also, he's pretty sure that Sakura would kill him. And Hinata would give him that disappointed look, the one that always makes him feel like he's kicked a puppy.

In deference of a wife with super-strength and not facing any kicked-puppy expressions from the mouse of a woman that could conceivably kill him with two fingers if she felt the inclination, Sasuke lets it go.

This time.

"My turn," Sai pipes up. "I have never streaked naked through the village."

Sasuke glances at Naruto, half-expecting him to take a drink, but the blond man simply looks amused at the idea. To everyone's surprise, Kakashi takes a drink.

Naruto guffaws and Sasuke raises an eyebrow at him. "Another of Gai's contests?"

"Yes."

"Clearly Naruto isn't the only one with tendencies toward poor judgement," Sai determines.

"Oh, I wouldn't call it poor," Kakashi muses, "it was actually quite liberating. You'd be surprised how good it feels to have a breeze between your—"

"Nope! Uh-uh, don’t want to know! Stop talking!" Naruto yells, while Sasuke's eye begins to twitch again. "It's your turn anyhow, Kakashi-sensei."

The white-haired man sighs. "Are you guys ever going to stop calling me sensei? I haven't been your squad leader since you were kids."

"If it helps, I never called you sensei," Sasuke points out. Then he frowns, because that was a little more candid than usual. His head is beginning to feel like it's being buoyed up by cotton. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

Kakashi regards him with an amused look in his eyes, and shakes his head. Then he juts his neck toward Sai, "Never have I have crossed-dressed.

Sai blinks. "How did you know about that?"

"Manako saw you. She says you're surprisingly adept at walking in high heels."

"Ino makes me practice," Sai shrugs, throwing his drink down his throat.

"Why?" Naruto demands, looking scandalised.

Sai smirks. "Now, that would be telling, wouldn't it?"

"At least he's finally had something to drink," Sasuke mutters.

"Why, are you worried you'll be the only one inebriated here, Coward?"

Sasuke narrows his eyes. "Never have I ever been part of a secret black ops organization."

Sai frowns and takes a shot; Kakashi does as well.

"Can we perhaps stay away from the darker topics?" he suggests.

"Good idea," Naruto says. He pauses to think, and frowns as if he can't think up anything good. In the end he settles on, "I have never sung in the shower."

Kakashi and Sai both drink.

"Did you even know what a shower was before marrying Hinata?" Sasuke challenges.

"At least I knew what a naked woman looked like before I got married."

"Oh, have we moved on to nudity then?" Sai speaks up, interrupting Sasuke's inner argument about whether to throw a fireball at his friend or electrocute him. "I have never engaged in naked pursuits with a woman that is not my wife."

"'Naked pursuits'?" Naruto asks.

"Sex, you moron," Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"Oh. Oh."

Kakashi reaches for a shot. When he notices Naruto and Sasuke's somewhat judgemental expressions he snorts.

"I wasn't a monk before I met you guys, you know. Not all of us can have some great, epic love story that spans years and continents, or ruins lives and sheds blood. Sometimes a good relationship starts out just as sex," he takes a drink, and then looks around as if he hasn't just imparted some oddly deep philosophy. "My turn, right? Alright—my first kiss wasn't with a man."

Naruto and Sasuke make identical noises of choked outrage and grudgingly down their shots.

"I heard about that," Sai sniggers. "Ino says it nearly caused a riot and that Naruto is lucky to have lived through puberty."

"Damn right he is," Sasuke mutters.

"Your turn, my adorable student," Kakashi points out.

"I'm thinking…"

"Oh, wow, only five shots and you already have to think?" Naruto jeers.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't counting drinks invalidate things somehow?" Sai wonders. "Or does that just mean you haven't had enough?"

"Shut up. I have one," Sasuke interrupts, an idea coming to him before he can think too clearly about what his former teacher just said. "I have never read porn."

"There's a difference between porn and erotica," Kakashi grumbles, although he takes a shot; Naruto and Sai do as well.

"Semantics. It's still something closet perverts like you three do."

"That was research—and it paid off!" Naruto points out. "Remember the time my Reverse Harem Jutsu almost saved the world?"

"And how many naked men did you have to look at to get that one right?" Sai wonders. "At least when I've watched porn, it's been women."

"Your wife lets you watch porn?" Sasuke asks, squinting at the other man. For some reason that doesn't jive with what he knows of Ino.

"Hey! I've got the next one!" Naruto shouts as he refills their shot glasses. "Never have I ever watched porn with someone else!"

Sasuke shudders at the idea of that brand of awkwardness, and to his utter lack of surprise, both Kakashi and Sai drink.

"It was for educational purposes," Sai says unabashedly, while Kakashi shrugs, "It's really not a big deal."

"Please tell me this was with your wives and not some random dude you decided to watch porn with," Naruto groans.

"No," Sasuke interrupts. "Don't. Don't tell us anything. Ever. Just…take your damn turn and move on."

I'm going home. As soon as my feet don't feel like bubbles, I am leaving…

"I have never had sex with more than one person at a time," Sai declares.

Sasuke groans inwardly; he should have known they weren't going to leave the topic of sex alone once it had been broached.

This is about to take a turn for the awkward.

Again, Kakashi takes a drink.

"Really?" Naruto looks scandalised and fascinated. "Was it with two girls, or a guy and a girl?"

"Gentlemen don't kiss and tell," Kakashi says mysteriously.

"Gentlemen don't play stupid drinking games," Sasuke points out.

Kakashi raises an eyebrow at this, and then says innocently, "I've never had sex outdoors.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

The other two watch him in expectation, as if waiting for him to outright lie. It occurs to Sasuke that playing this game with a bunch of shinobi wasn't a good idea. Even if he wanted to lie about something, they'd be able to tell.

Aware of the warmth in his cheeks, he reaches for his drink, pointing out as he does, "That's common knowledge."

"It still counts."

"Fine. I've never had my child walk in during."

Mostly because Sarada is a long time away from walking, but it's something he figures must have happened to his sensei at some point. He's got three kids past the toddling age.

As expected, Kakashi has to take a drink, and Sasuke basks in a momentary sense of victory.

Until Naruto laughingly shouts, "Oh, hey, I got one! I got one! Never have I ever…done butt stuff during sex!"

And Sasuke promptly chokes on his own spit.

Because no, no, no, that is not something he ever expected to be brought up here.

Naruto is smirking a challenge at Kakashi, like he figures learning one or two perverted things about his former teacher have given him total insight into how to get his sensei drunk.

Kakashi takes a drink, and then crosses his arms (his attempt to look unbothered is tempered by his pink cheeks). "I'm not ashamed. My sex life is amazing."

Naruto gapes. "No way! That was totally a joke, I didn't think—" He is interrupted as Sai cheerfully takes a shot as well. "Ehhhh?! You too?"

"Don't knock it until you try it," Sai says. "It's actually an interesting sensation when experienced in conjunction with—"

And that's my cue—

Sasuke wobbles to his feet. "I don't need to know any of this. I'm leaving."

"After all that ridiculousness, this is your limit?" Kakashi challenges, a knowing tone in his voice. Sasuke continues making a dogged beeline to the door. "Huh. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to avoid another shot, Sasuke."

"Hahaha!" Naruto sniggers. "No way."

Just a few more steps…

"Sasuke would never be into that sort of thing, he's way too boring," Naruto continues. "Remember, we had to practically tell him what sex was before he got married…"

Almost there…

"As I recall, he had a very interesting reaction to certain topics that night," Sai points out. "Particularly when we asked him the sort of things he had done with Sakura already. His neck used to get very red. A bit like what's happening right now."

Just reach out and grab the door –

"No way," Naruto murmurs blandly. "No fucking way."

"I did not see that coming," Kakashi says, sounding too surprised to be teasing.

"You mean Sasuke Uchiha took it up the ass?!" Naruto shouts.

Sasuke turns around, glaring daggers at this friend. "Shout it a little louder, you utter moron!"

There is silence.

Naruto's jaw drops, and the other two are blinking in surprise. The tableau would be funny if it weren't for the fact that Sasuke has realised his usual perfect control over his emotions have just caused him to confirm the one thing he did not want to confirm.

Shit.

"But wait…if you've never been with anyone you weren't married to, that would mean…" Sai begins.

"Don't finish that sentence," Sasuke warns.

"Sakura," Sai concludes.

"So she used a…?" Kakashi makes a lewd gesture.

"I did not need to know that about Sakura," Naruto murmurs, shuddering. "Oh, gods, I just got a mental image—oh my god, somebody scramble my brains, please!"

"That can be arranged," Sasuke growls, feeling electricity beginning to crackle in his palm.

"Aaaaand I'm calling an executive order to end tonight," Kakashi says, staggering to his feet. "By order of the Hokage, blah blah blah, you are all to go home and sober up. And no murders while in the Konoha environs."

"Seriously?!" Naruto squeaks at Sasuke, still apparently struggling with the concept.

"If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'm taking off an arm," Sasuke hisses, taking a menacing step forward. "Or a leg. Probably a leg. Think how ridiculous you'll look, hopping around on one leg. Then you'll never be Hokage."

"And that's how we know Sasuke is drunk, gentlemen," Kakashi says. "Rambling death threats. I think we can call tonight a success, don't you?"

"We should do it again some time," Sai agrees.

"I'm leaving," Sasuke grumbles. "I'm taking a mission to the middle of fucking nowhere and never coming back. And I'm telling my wife it's your fault, and she's going to kill you all for me. I won't even have to get my hands dirty."

Kakashi chuckles. "I suppose I should make sure you get home alright and don't end up walking into a tree."

"Tch."

He stalks off, wobbling and angry and wondering if it's worth the headache to use a portal to get home.

"So, is this butt-sex thing something I'm missing out on?" he hears Naruto asks Sai, and then he sees red.

With a snarl of rage, Sasuke whirls around and makes a dive for Naruto's neck.

終わり

Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome, but if you feel like keeping me caffeinated out of the goodness of your heart, it certainly would be appreciated! I’m also starting to post original works to my patreon.

I’m only able to keep writing as I do thanks to the support of readers like you, so every bit helps!

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