#the reason why I only have the first bullet point as a guideline in the submissions

[sullysslut]

The Smut Files: A series of avatar one-shots created with the help of your suggestions.

Rules and Regulations: (Extra info about author)

I've had an account for the same purposes on this platform before, due to personal reasons I had left and deactivated that account. It's been over a year since I've dipped my toes back into the creative world of writing. I hope people are eager to read my pieces again and I hope not to disappoint. Avatar will not be the only fandom and or characters I'll be writing about this time around. (Although this series does focus on them, all suggestions are welcomed as long as they follow the guidelines I have set.~ Author Sullysslut

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I cater to most kinks and or fantasies, but I will not be writing anything that's not consensual. Topics such as Rape, Forced intercourse and Forced Conception will not only be deleted, but if these requests aren't made anonymously, the account who made the suggestion will too be blocked.

I will not be writing about anything consisting of excrement (Feces, Urine, ect.) It makes me uncomfortable but if you're into that, I direct no hate whatsoever. I'm not one to kink shame, but I won't go out of my comfort zone for any writing piece in this context.

I will only write for adult characters, this includes aged up characters. I refuse to sexualise minors and I will never dare to, as stated in the first bullet point, you will be blocked if the request is not made anonymously.

I won't do outrageous age gaps as well (54 and 18 for example) although it may be the case in some realistic scenarios, it's just a tad too much, I hope my readers understand why I've made this rule. I will do age gaps just not to this extent.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. I'm unable to control what you view online but I have set warnings for all mature content that will take place on this account, if you do happen to dismiss these warnings and traumatise yourself, then I hope it was worth it. Minors will be blocked if they interact with my work.

I'll write for any character in the franchise, as long as they're of age and if not they will be aged up as stated, Oc's are allowed, you just need to give me a detailed description of your character. I will try my best to refrain from the usage of 'Y/n' but it will most likely be used at some point.(Pictures will also be appreciated, it'll help with inspiration when writing for Oc's)

And now for the bullet you've all been waiting for, the large list of kinks and scenarios I will cater to ;) : spitting, choking, age play, bdms, degradation, praise, rough sex, passionate 'love making', blowjobs, pussy eating, face sitting, 6ty-9ing, ruts, heat, daddy/name calling/nicknames, threesomes, abrasion, bondage, blindfolds, cuckolding, public sex, voyeurism, breath play, gagging, humiliation, impact play, katoptronophilia, quirofilia, Conception, breeding, roleplay, hair pulling, wax play. (There are probably more I'll do but this is all I can think of on the spot)

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I do hope that I'll have a few suggestions soon, I'm eager to write for the avatar sluts out there again, if you have any questions please do reach out!!

[journeythroughbible]

UPDATE – I TALKED WITH THE JOSEPHINE COUNTY CLERK, WHO DREW UP THE MAP

CLICK HERE FOR SUGGESTED NEW DISTRICTING (I attended the meeting FOR the Measure on 5/2 in GP to get my questions that were not addressed in SV. The only thing I said was, “Yes, that’s me,” as they started to read my question, I was yelled at and asked to leave, UPDATE TOMORROW)

Ok, to CLARIFY … I AM VOTING NO!! ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS DISCUSSION.

She told me the map had been drawn and could not be changed. The only opportunity was to challenge the ballot title before it was finalized (around submission time) and protest the wording. After it has been approved, nothing can be done. The MAP, again, is the only reason you should vote NO.

So, Ms. Henkels told me it was not changeable if the Measure passed.

I asked her how this map was drawn. She said the following:

The Charter did not differentiate between rural or urban boundaries.

The boundaries were drawn per the state’s guidelines in directive 2021-1.

It was an equal distribution of the population.

The GIS administrator drew the map, the assistant County Council (Stephanie Nuttall), and the state per directive 2021-1.

AND THERE IS NO APPEAL!! This map was drawn AFTER the time to appeal, so we had no clue the county would draw the lines.

Each district has 22k people, and each district is drawn such that the district has about 10k residing in Grants Pass and 12k Rural (note – this was based on an answer to an FB post; I was initially told 50/50 split). She could not answer WHY the boundaries were twisted to include GP in every district besides the bullet points above.

Let us explore 2021-1 since it’s the only issue outside the vagueness in the Charter that can be examined. (CLICK HERE)

It first states, “More uniform and consistent application of traditional districting principles will assist the efficient and cost-effective administration of elections, reduce the probability of administrative errors, and promote easily understandable boundaries for voters, analysts, and election officials.” I look at the map and do not see “uniform and consistent application” other than it all is ½ represented by Grants Pass as it is today without boundaries.

The Measure says this about districting:

Each district or Precinct, as nearly as practicable, shall:

Be contiguous;

Utilize existing geographic or political boundaries;

Not divide communities of common interest; and

Be connected by transportation links.

For districts, be of equal population.

While technically, this works, the districts are not representative of the true population and could have been drawn better. Back to the drawing board here, it CANNOT BE CHANGED. This Measure does not pass the smell test, given how this was presented to get on the ballot and the proposal. I have more GEOGRAPHIC boundaries between Wolf Creek and Grants Pass; that alone should have voided crossing the ridge line between Merlin and GP.

Next, I wish to explore the following statement in 2021-1, which says, “When drawing or altering precinct boundaries, county clerks shall, as nearly as practicable, contain precincts wholly within one state House district and one Congressional district, and must seek to minimize the change to current precincts.” The Oregon House Districts in Josephine County have House Districts 3 and 4, and the Commissioner Districts 1, 2, and 4 cross these boundaries in conflict with the Directive. Also, they have split 4 precincts (19, 21, 38, and 44) in conflict with the Directive. The “Directive” is loosely written and may be applied to these deviations. I would consider submitting a legal challenge to the map if they could provide population distributions for each Precinct and the areas in the SPLIT Precincts. All this is assuming this Measure would pass.***

As a Home Rule County, we can draw up the precincts as desired; I will explore that next.

AGAIN VOTING NO AS SHOULD YOU!!

*** It shouldn’t if we get out the vote and ensure this does not pass CLICK HERE FOR SUGGESTED NEW DISTRICTING

[lockedtowers]

OUAT VERSE WRITE UP

remember: all references to canon characters, i am PURELY referring to an NPC version OR my own version, available at @familiarache, i would NEVER force ANYTHING written here on your muse. if u wanna play around w that, lmk, otherwise, i'm not basing anything off what have listed here that may mention my char w yours. thx.

There's THREE sections here. to make it easier on everyone, this is the BULLET POINT version, aka main information necessary for plot purposes, not the full write up of everything upon everything that happens.

Feel free to jump to whatever sector you want. The three forms are WONDERLAND, MISTHAVEN, and STORYBROOKE.

I do not follow the wonderland shown in the spin off show. I do not know everything about everything involving ouat (I've seen like half seasons at a time, all of s1, all of Jefferson's episodes, and like, half of s2 beyond jefferson. This is primarily been pre plotted info with my bestie Tinker, who has watched this show in its entirety, she's not on tumbs rn but anyways. I know it's canon divergent to a lot of pre est canon in concerns to wonderland. That's like, a lot of the point lol.) (this is also like the one verse where cassie was actually raised by her parents and that clearly did not help her in any way.)

I do also do base versions with zero backstory for ppl if they want, okay, i care more about your comfort than mine. pls dont hate me.

WONDERLAND

Princess of Spades, Cheshire Cat. Her twin brother is the Dormouse. The actual Hatter is Thomas Madigan, the father of Maddox, Jefferson, and Reve (as well as a daughter i havent settled on a name yet, bc she's a crossover in the plot w tinker, but for rp reasons i have to actually make her a character lol). A man obsessed with time, has perfectly timed all of his childrens births so they're separated by exactly 3 years (give or take a few months obvi.) (Also important to note; my jefferson at least, again, found on my sideblog, was parentified. technically thomas tried to make maddox parent his brothers, but maddox was too self possessed to do that. jefferson raised reve. also yes im saying jefferson is the middle child he radiates middle child energy.)

her mother is the queen of spades, and her 'father' is the red king. he is not her biological father, and he is aware of that. it was his idea. she is unaware. her biological father is the white knight, vas moraj. he was responsible for the first destruction that put the Reds in power in the first place, as he's the Jabberwock. He's also one of the last of the Wonderland Fae, which follow a different set of rules to the misthaven fae. bc logically why would creatures of entirely separate realms all follow the same guidelines i just want to have a talk w them but lbr they couldnt maintain characterization between episodes so

wonderland is a matriarchal society. Aleksander was the only born son of the Red Queen. They had to find another female royal to take over, and Feina agreed to marry him so he could at least maintain his home. she had no interest. he was only ever able to produce one child with her, and it was a boy, Lucien. Men cannot inherit in Wonderland, and since he couldn't produce another heir, he suggested Vas.

vas is the white knight, and in charge of the court. and was clearly overly protective of the twins when they were born, but cassandra more so. he had his own internal reasoning for agreeing. he's not great either but he's better than some people.

whilst royals in wonderland are known to have a lot more free will than other lands (the land is considered upside-down to others), feina never let cassandra leave the castle. feina's own ulterior motives required completely breaking down cassandras psyche, but whilst she never taught cassandra transfiguration, the fae alignment led her to learn she could turn into a cat, thus she started sneaking out.

her 'friend' is the duchess, who would let her hide away in her home as her 'pet cat'. cassandra would oft sneak into the woods for fun.

maddox was in the process of getting knighted. he became obsessed with the idea of being the next knight, as well as marrying the princess, an idea thomas put into his head. jefferson thought it was hilarious.

when their sister tasked jefferson with help to sneak off during a ball, jefferson saw cassandra for the first time, and was naturally curious abt why tf his brother was obsessed w her.

around the time he knew his sister would return, he saw his sister, cassandra, and duchess returning. he saw a cat climb up the tower, and a girl enter it.

jefferson, being extra as shit and a massive red flag, used one of his old enchanted hats to sneak up into her window and meet her. cassie, who decided in that moment that flag was her favorite shade of red, thought it was cute. someone help her.

they became friends. he'd sneak in to visit her constantly.

at some point, her mother finds out she's been sneaking out, and her her guard, illosovic stayne, essentially uhhh break her body to bits for it. that's what causes the scar on her eye, which is the main wound that vas wasn't able to fix. he noticed something amiss with aleksander, and found her tied up, stayne essentially trying to kill her, and he brought her away while aleksander had stayne arrested.

that was her first tryst with human blood, btw, great healant for fae, fixes almost everything, she already had heterochromia but her right eye was now a silvery icy blue instead of just a completely different shade of blue.

vas had a thing and the madigans were invited. he had cassie 'make an example' out of stayne, and she was wearing a dress jefferson made for her. cassie took staynes eyeball, which she preserved and turned into a necklace, bc she's not normal, but she didn't kill him. she debated it, as vas left it up to her, but she decided living in exile would be worse for him. vas named maddox as stayne's replacement.

feina was NOT happy to be undermined mind you.

jefferson, at some point, bc a lot of the normal plot i made w tinker i'm not putting into the rp verse, for 'theres a lot of ship stuff' reasons, and even tho its my own version of jeffy i wanna leave openings yknow-- anyways, he leaves wonderland. cassie ofc is heartbroken cause since that thing, her friends wont talk to her, they're a little bit scared of her.

she also started training bc vas did not want her to be at risk of harm again.

maddox obsessions became worse. he took full advantage of her sadness re jefferson leaving (without her, because he said he'd take her with him, then didn't, because of Maddox) to get her interested in him. but the more obsessive he got over her, the more she started to push him away because it freaked her out.

jack, who i am keeping this bit here bc i can, is regina's half-brother, and came to wonderland. as far as either is aware he's her full brother but that boy is white, that aint your full brother regina. he, in some way, knew that this is where his mother would end up eventually. he looked enough like the original prince of hearts that he killed him and took his place.

he met maddox, actually before jefferson left that was a thing, saw an opportunity, and wrecked maddox's mental state further to make him his spy. he also had maddox murder his own father (and, seemingly, younger brother) which maddox doesnt even remember doing for the most part until he tries to sleep at night and the visions haunt him. that's pmuch what makes jefferson leave btw

eventually, seemingly the entirety of the kingdom was slaughtered. maddox 'gets cassie out', and she sees what she thinks are the real bodies of her family members as she's taken out to the tulgey wood. maddox questions her about something, and she's too busy freaking out to actually know what he's saying or respond to him in any coherent way. she starts panicking and fighting back when he grabs her and starts dragging her off, and when she pushes him away he asks her if she loves him. she does NOT have an answer for that, and Jack appears, talking to her, and with one command, Maddox's resolve breaks and he cuts her neck open.

Jack has already made a deal with Feina, he knows she wont stay dead. Jack has her locked in a room in the castle, and keeps her prisoner there with the intention of marrying her to further secure his position in the court. The Hearts had been taken over, and Cora was now the Queen of Hearts. She did NOT get jack's obsession, but didn't really question it either. It kept him busy and out of her way.

Jefferson came back to wonderland, now as a portal jumper, to steal something from her mom. he found out what happened, and promised to get her out.

this time he actually followed through on that, good job, jeffy.

MISTHAVEN

jack had these iron cuffs on her that kept her powers at bay and made her extremely weak, so yeah first things first was jefferson bringing her to rumple to get those off, bc enchanted. he couldnt pick a lock. there was no lock.

i.................... hated jeffersons prequel comic, tbh, you can't convince me that man knows what renting is i'm sorry. that cottage of his has always been his. he did bring cassie to live with him, tho.

and she was n o t in good shape at all, so when graham would walk past that cottage on the daily and occasionally see her staring out the window, like he thought the worst. rightfully so. sorry jeffy.

eventually she did start leaving the cottage, and actually did meet and talk to graham from then on. he thought she was weird, but her weirdness was endearing.

f r i e n d s

he brought her to The Vale Tavern in town, where she met Lavinia, local witch, and Luke, a werewolf from the den Graham was raised in, who also left. Lavinia's magic is what kept his transformations at bay.

Further proof that cassie is surprisingly endearing, bc they both got attached to her too.

also jefferson was not and never was happy that she befriended graham, but that's because jeffy is jeffy. you just have to feel bad for the ppl he annoys a lot. like rumple probably had to listen to so much complaining everytime he hired him to collect shit. smh

lavinia and luke plotted together to get cassie away from jefferson, bc funnily enough not a lot of people actually like him. lavinia figured out the faerie genes and decided to teach cassie how to use witch glamour, in hopes cassie would figure out fae glamour. she did.. mostly, and the vale tavern's owner essentially gave the business to her.

jefferson did agree and encourage her to move into the apartment above the tavern, and she didn't understand why he would say that. jealousy, mostly, he was still mad about graham, and they were literally just friends like boy calm down the world doesn't revolve around you.

jefferson met (tinkers) alice. grace was 100% an accident. also important to note, cassie was massively in love with alice, and she was not happy. like she's in love w jeffy too dont get me wrong, but she was p i s s e d when he started going out w alice.

(Again, this is is all my versions of these characters, i'm not forcing anything on yall, if you like it tho, lmk)

she was way too hurt by jeffy/alice, but also knew jeffersons a littleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee reckless. so she put lavinia in charge of the tavern, stole his hat, and took over the portal jumping-- on account of all money earned going to... alice, technically. lol.

also, she was a lot worse during this time. girlie did not care at ALL. got really good at murder, actually. kinda hot, ngl

one of the hits, they had iron weapons, and conveniently (someone sent him) jefferson got there and brought her home. he knew human blood would heal her, but when he tried to feed her his blood, it didn't work. alice took over and gave her hers.

jefferson got cassie out of her deal, and she wasn't happy about it.

jefferson was running out of money quickly since he wasnt portal jumping anymore, and got the brilliant idea to go steal a magical artifact from wonderland. because knowing the land was ravaged by a murderous queen and your older brother is a great reason to go back to it.

obviously, that idiot got himself kidnapped by his brother, and locked in the 'eternal teaparty'

alice noticed he wasnt back, and had cassie watch baby grace when she went to go find him.

alice gets jefferson out-- and maddox stabs her in the abdomen for it. cassie was taking care of grace at the time (with graham, in some versions) and suddenly collapsed at the same time, her own blood spilling in the same area alice's was. Alice shoved Jefferson into the portal so he could get back to Grace.

yeah jeffersons mental state wasnt great after that. cassie was NOT letting him take care of grace for awhile. It did drive a wedge between her and graham, especially, because he was trying to help her and she was getting too bitey over it. kind of how graham ends up leaving the area altogether. thanks jefferson.

grace gets older, jefferson delves headfirst into being best dad, thank GOD, cassie keeps helping him out w funds and stuff. and grace. mostly grace.

bs w regina happens finally, jefferson gets trapped in wonderland. again.

cassie came to the cottage to find grace wasnt there, found her with the neighbors and took her. when grace told her everything, cassie was instantly suspicious.

all that time passed. the wiki claims it was two years, i tried to figure out the whole timeline of season ones antics and i did not get two years, but the wiki is more official than i am, so. idk how thats two years, but grace did not age by two years in that time i dont think abc knows how quickly kids age. anyways, however fucking long passes, and cassie only didnt go looking for him bc grace would freak out abt being left again.

cassie finally convinced grace to go stay w the neighbors again, and she'd figure it out. she wouldn't abandon her, and if she didn't come back quickly, she still would always come back.

this is like, just before regina essentially lets charming and snow win, fyi

cassie got a meeting w regina, still was sus about it all, and got the BRIGHT idea to threaten her. When she went to leave, she saw graham.

she snuck back in later after being kicked out in 'warning'. she found graham, tried to figure out wtf happened, and promised she'd get him out. he tells her about his heart, and she decides to go looking for it.

she DOES find it, again, conveniently. for a reason.

she hands it to graham, telling him they need to get out. she'd have time to find jefferson, she was running out of time to help him, and right now, he was first.

got ambushed. she did stun and/or kill most of the guards trying to stop them, mostly killed the ones trying to kill graham, to be fair.

one 'guard' did get her, in the same spot as alice. with an iron blade. yes, it was maddox. jack came in with regina, delighted at the turn of events.

jack took cassie, reminding regina of the deal they made when she did cast her curse, and took cassie with him. she was kept locked up well until the curse hit.

STORYBROOKE

yeah that entire 28 years emma wasn't there, she was in the 'lower hospital' area. maddox is regina's personal guard, and jack is.. i think councilman is the right term, idk, i'll check later. i have it in my doc for this verse lol.

jefferson, ofc, is free now. has everything but his family. he honestly didn't know where cassie was at first until he started sneaking around the town, trying to figure out if anyone else had both lives stuck in their head.

also i feel like they missed an opportunity for him to be plotting with rumple but thats not for this blog that'd be for the sideblog where jefferson actually is.

anyways, he did discover cassie was down there. he also discovered pretty quickly, upon watching all the tapes jack had made of her 'therapy sessions', that she remembered everything, too.

she didn't talk for years. She had a complete shut down while in there. Jack would see her constantly to taunt her. she just shut down.

despite everything, graham, while in his cursed head, still visited her every single week. though he believed she was his high school friend, Chelsea Contarini, who got put in the hospital after her parents died when she was 17.

when Emma made time start moving again, and actually right around the time graham almost died (bc i circumvent his death for my graham, u did enough to him abc) jefferson decided that was the BEST time to just... let cassie out.

which, ofc, didn't turn out well, and Graham had to arrest her, bc great job jefferson just let her out and tell her where to go that'll get her sO FAR.

this means graham had to convince emma to help him get cassie out of the hospital, meaning collecting all of the documents that were created for this world.

one Emma paid especial mind to was that the hospital paperwork claimed, after her parents died at 17, Jack was supposed to marry her, she tried to kill him, and they put her in there. And that she'd been in there for ten years. Jack was NOT aware that that was the age Regina had put down. But as far as Emma saw it, Graham's friend had been locked up since she was in high school, he had barely graduated a few years earlier, and evil wicked regina had an evil wicked brother who also stole the youth of another girl. cassie didn't understand jack shit of what was happening, but later on when graham explained it to her, she did decide regina also must hate jack to do that to him.

she wasn't entirely wrong tbf, regina chose violence in that instance, she knew jack would have betrayed her if given the chance, he's allergic to loyalty

also the fact cassie is a fuck lot older than that (wonderlander lol) like she didnt get the age thing at all. but she wasn't sure if she could lie since all the magic was gone in that world, and didn't want to risk it, so she just kept quiet.

also that file claimed the eye injury was a fight in high school, and her neck injury was from surgery. like jacks a piece of garbage.

graham had to go find jefferson and bring him to her in order to get her to start talking again, bc she was not talking when emma tried to talk to her, or anyone, really. she did NOT want that used against her. Jefferson had to give her pointers on how she could talk and what to say to twist the truth just enough to get out.

after the trial and everything, cassie gets out. she goes off to live with jefferson, because of course she went w the guy who did almost nothing. but she hands around graham a lot. much to jeffersons chagrin.

also she refuses to go by chelsea, but the only way she was able to go by anything else was to say "C.C.' because it technically could be her storybrooke intials, but it's also the initials of 'cheshire cat'.

[incorrectfmaquotes]

Hey, I love your blog! I'm sorry to bother you but I was just wondering if you got my submissions and if you've approved of them and will post them?

(Long Post; press ‘j’ to skip past if on desktop)

Hello! Thank you for loving the blog! I did get your submissions, and they have been approved. I will post them, but with the way I run this blog, the earliest one of your submissions would show up would be mid-February at this point.

(And now a little behind-the-scenes look if you want a more in-depth explanation for why that is, or if you’re just curious.)

How that works is that I like to fill the queue all the way up to the max (which is 300 posts) with quotes and other fma posts all at once when it is a few days from running out. I press the ‘shuffle’ button a couple times to thoroughly scramble the order in which I have entered the posts, so there is a better mix between new original incquotes, new submitted incquotes, old reblogged incquotes, and other fma posts. I set up the queue to post 3 times a day, so that gives me the next 100 days to make new incquotes and find other fma posts and receive submissions, and I put all of that in the drafts. Hopefully, by the end of the 100 days, I have over 300 new posts waiting in the drafts.

The last time I filled up the queue was a couple days before last Halloween, so the submissions that have been posting in that time were submitted before the last week of October.

I do apologize for how long it takes to see your submissions. I have thought about maybe changing the timeline in which I post submissions, but because no one else has brought it up before, I thought it was something that only I had some issue with and therefore, not worth changing.

And if you are still concerned about having quotes approved, well, here are some things that have made me reject submissions, or change them, or just keep them in my inbox because I don’t know what to do with them:

Biggest No-No: Absolutely no quotes that support pedophilic or incestual ships! This is the one I have made sure to put down in the submissions page. It says before the submission box that even if you did not intend for it to be romantic, if it can conceivably be perceived that way and tagged as a pedophilic or incestual ship by someone reblogging, then I will alter it in a way that would make it more not like that, like adding another character. I feel incredibly guilty changing someone else’s submissions though, especially in this case, because they are clearly going for a wholesome platonic, familial vibe. Unfortunately, what ends up happening sometimes is that some of those submissions just end up sitting in my inbox longer as I wrestle with that guilt and how to potentially change it.

Offensive shock humor/humor rooted in bigotry. Not too long ago, I had to delete multiple submissions with humor based in transphobia and sexual violence. It was incredibly disheartening to receive, and I am not gonna force anyone else to read them or anything like that. I rarely get this type of stuff, which I am grateful for.

Quotes that are graphically NSFW, especially if they involve the teenage characters. These are INCREDIBLY uncomfortable for me to read. I’m usually fine with posting some dirty humor, but either the lines are too blurred with these submissions, or they are just waaayyy too inappropriate out the gate. I have actually posted some of these because I thought that maybe I was having an overreaction to these quotes, maybe I’m being too prudish, maybe they actually are that funny to more people. I don’t know if others are having the same reaction to them that I do, but they usually end up being some of the least popular quotes, so I’m probably just gonna reject them now. I will admit, there are a few quotes that I had posted in the very early days of this blog that are more NSFW than I would think to make now. I’m honestly surprised that I did make those, I think I was just excited to find more quotes for this blog, my mind has changed now.

Quotes that I have already done before.  Even if you have submitted it with different characters, chances are that I’m still gonna delete it unless it is really different. If you happen to submit a quote that I have not posted yet, but I do have it waiting in my queue or drafts, I won’t add the submission. I know this is harder to check for anyone submitting, especially because this blog has almost 5,000 posts, but yeah, this is just one of the things that make me reject a submission.

More specifically, do not send me that quote from Brooklyn 99 where Jake accidentally calls Holt “Dad”. This is, without a doubt, the quote I keep getting sent the most. At one point, I had 7 submissions of it from different people in my inbox all at once before I deleted them. I still get submissions of it that I delete on sight at this point. Y’all. That is one of this blog’s earliest quotes. I’m pretty sure it’s within the first 100 posts. It’s already been done. Please stop sending me this quote.

I don’t think you were expecting such a hefty response, but I hope you have the necessary information.

[rumblelibrary]

Okay this may sound like an oddly detailed request but can you do a Laszlo x reader where Laszlo has been courting the reader for a while and has never met her father, because her father is dead or abandoned her at a young age or something like that and she never told Laszlo, but Laszlo is instant on meeting him for some reason or something like that?

Sorry if thats a weird request

Unofficial Meeting [Dr Laszlo Kreizler x Fem!Reader]

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a bit angsty, mention of old fashioned ideas

Author’s note: I hope you will like it and I respected your wishes <3

"Miss?"

The voice of your chamber maid called you distracting you from answering some correspondence.

"Yes?"

She smiled so widely as a bouquet of white roses and peonies was presented in front of you. She giggled as she was just so happy for you. You have been courted by Dr Laszlo Kreizler for some time now, but he never missed to send you flowers on a Saturday morning, it was his ritual since you two became serious.

"Those are so beautiful, miss"

She said excitedly before leaving you to read the note, she was probably living the romance through you which was quite weird but cute to witness.

You opened the card, Laszlo usually was a brief but intense poet, but this time the message was clear. Can I tempt you with a lunch at Delmonico's?

You frowned lightly before looking out of your window, his dark clothing making him strikingly visible in the greenery of the park in front of your house, he raised his hat for you and smiled.

Damn him and his top level courting.

You put your letters away and got ready spraying some perfume on you before going out, your maid helping you with your coat and hat.

When you stepped out of the front Door Laszlo was waiting in front of your gate.

"You could have called"

He smirked at you "it wouldn't have been a surprise" he concluded simply.

You smirked as it was true and you have also learned to admire the extent of Laszlo'd courtship. He was attentive and respectful, he knew when to trace a line to forbid any kind of bad talks. He was already famous for being a maverick and he didn't want to put that stigma on you too.

You obliged him as you walked your way together to the restaurant, he never failed to ask you about your day and your plans. he was very attentive and you reserved him the same tenderness asking him about his patients or latest articles.

Once you arrived at the restaurant you were brought to one of the best tables, Laszlo taking upon himself the honour to move your chair back behind you and then back toward you for you to sit comfortably.

"Thank you Laszlo"

He smiled proudly taking it as a compliment, but he looked rather stiff and tense for his usual mannerism toward you.

Once you ordered your meal he toyed with his glass of wine a bit attracting inevitably your attention.

"What is wrong?"

He looked at you surprised by your question, but he smiled because you sort of alleviated him from the weight of beginning what he wanted to ask.

"I was just wondering when I will be able to meet your father" he said just as directly as your question was "I met your grandmother and your uncles and aunts, I am missing somebody"

He said it quite easily as your mother had left this earth early for the standard and you regret she won't be able to see what an amazing man you met.

"You don't need to meet him"

He stared at you puzzled, what really concerned him wasn't your refusal, but more the hardness you showed into expressing it.

"I think I do"

You glared at him, your conversation briefly interrupted by the waiters landing the plates in front of the two of you.

He thanked them before looking back at you, your stern look still there.

You had discussions before but never of this size and also as much as he tried before to hint the theme of your father he wasn't acknowledged at all.

He also noticed how the rest of your family followed that same guideline, acting like they found you under a tree.

"I think it is something I have to do sooner or later"

You glared at him again.

"Stop it"

It was hard for him to stop. He was already launched on the theme and he was worse than a wild animal when he got fixated over a theme in particular.

You pushed some common ground theme while you ate. Like John or Sara's agency or other mundane things, but you hated to see the intensity in his look.

That question over and over into his mind.

You never hated to be with him as much as you did now.

You declined the offer of a dessert pretty quickly just wanting to go away.

Laszlo obliged and lead you back outside escorting you to your place.

"I don't mean to be invasive.."

"But you're" you confirmed to him "thank you for the lunch, I can walk myself home on my own”

You left him there moving after your house's gate.

He stood there biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

You didn't contact him any further on that day or the ones that followed, to be honest you avoided him and his flowers and attentions. You even stayed at home instead of attending places you were supposed to be, but where he also might find you.

Until your grandmother called you and you furiously ordered your maid to call the doctor and make him come at your place.

He arrived quicker than you expected. He was worried something happened, maybe you were ill and nobody told him.

When your maid showed him the way to your study and closed the door behind him he tried immediately to politely ask you about your state but your eyes burned holes like bullets in him.

“How dare you?” You growled at him. He stood still in front of you, his back straight even if you didn’t fail to notice the frown on his forehead.

“How dare you to call my grandmother? To ask her something I specifically told you I don’t want to share or talk or even mention? What is s hard about it? What makes you rightful to come bashing into my life asking for answers? “Y/N”

“No, no Y/N, you doctor, should learn to put a line between when you’re an alienist and when you’re a decent human being” you were being extra hard on him, but just earring your grandmother worried voice was enough to make you snap his neck.

He took your rage like a champion, even if he clearly was suffering it.

“Why is so important Laszlo? Why to see your mind at ease? It is just a man, somebody that doesn’t belong to my life, why you have to push it? Why you always have to push it?” “I just hoped..” “Hoped what? Hoped that a man that abandoned a pregnant woman while courting her was worth my time and thoughts? That I need to share my own life with somebody that wasn’t there? That never asked to meet me, or even see the woman he swore to every wind that he loved? That put my mother in the position of being considered a whore? How my grandma had to pretend I was hers to try give my mother a good shot at life?”

All those truths hit Laszlo like a bag of bricks, he was overwhelmed and saddened. Those situations were the ugliest in those times. Women always paying off the debts of the lust of men. The simple promise of a marriage just to gain something that could be tasted forever with a little more of wait. Just the human need to break a rule, just one, that revolutionary feeling that only losers at heart have. Because nobody makes a revolution over the expenses of a loved one.

“I had no idea” he concluded

“I hope you are satisfied now, your scientific mind has now all the puzzle pieces, now leave and let my family alone”

You could see his shoulders fall as you said that to him, his face paling in fear and sadness. He pressed his lips tight against each other, his jaw hurting as he didn’t know if at this point was really worth it to explain why he insisted so much. He ruined it, he tried to treat you with the white gloves and instead he hurt you even more.

“I apologise” he said staring at you, you letting him speak for the first time “I never meant to put you in such a position, I really just meant to be close to your family and I couldn’t see the fault in my own desires”

He admitted it but you didn’t wince, he crossed the line, he went too far and he needed to learn to respect the limits of others, not everyone needed to be under his care.

“I said you may leave”

He looked out of your window searching for words. Your anger was waving down as he looked so upset, and he should be.

“I am also a victim of our society in my own means, even if my behaviour is not excusable in any way, I stupidly fixated on the idea of doing things right with you and some things… Well, they teach us boys some things have to be asked to a father first”

You looked at him with a frown, you shook lightly your head as you didn’t understand his point and you were five seconds away from throwing him the vase with the latest flowers he sent you when you looked at him pul out a little velvet box from his inner pocket.

“The times are modern now, it was silly of me to try move past you like that” he leaned the box on your desk. He nodded at you respectfully leaving. You were left alone with that little box, you stared at it for a moment before moving closer to it.

You looked out of the window as you heard the gates closing and you watched Laszlo’s figure walk away.

Your eyes darted from his back to the box in front of you slowly opening it to find the ring of the dreams of any girl.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief@thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams @charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme  @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl @obsidianlaszlo @alindeluce @zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahling

Let me know if you want to get tagged to my publications too <3

[derangedhyena-delphinidae]

numerous issues with “The Aftermath of Seaworld”

When I get time to do so (aka when I’m done with the documentary), I’m likely going to make a video version of this going into the details. 

But for right now, I’ve made this. Both as a guideline for me and so everyone can begin to get an idea of the severity of issues involved.

Researching things is time-consuming and can be very difficult - believe me, I know. But I’m of the mind that if you’re making content with the intent of educating people, you have a responsibility to perform a certain level of due diligence. It IS okay to express uncertainty or doubt if you have it. It is NOT okay to confidently assert things that you do not know with certainty.

The video has an anticap slant, and I’m obviously not disagreeing on that front. But again: if you’re gonna go through the trouble of teaching people something. Bare minimum... please make sure it’s actually correct. *** 1) x ‘founded in 1964 and based out of Florida’ -  ???? Seaworld definitively began on the west coast, in San Diego, CA. And given that the first park opened in early 1964… things came together before that. Uh? 2) x ‘four people founded Seaworld [...]’ For one… it wasn’t originally conceived as a restaurant, it was originally conceived as an underwater bar/lounge. Two… calling the four guys involved in founding the place “frat brothers” is fucking ridiculous and completely overlooks a) how each was actually involved and b) the overall significance of their contributions to the field as individuals. Hint: like it or not, they were important and did a lot! 

3) x If one is going to bring up SWBGCF/rescues while talking about the literal founding of SW, it gives the impression that it’s been around for that duration. It hasn’t.  It’s actually a bit unclear when SW started an organized rescue program, but the Fund itself and all that it did came about much later. The rescue information and how it’s presented is actually INCREDIBLY complex, nuanced, and has a fascinating history (from a “bad company behaving badly” perspective). Oversimplifying this, to this degree and in this misinformative way, does the facts of the situation an INCREDIBLE disservice.  

4) x [assertive statement about what the name Shamu means]  ….Uh actually there’s several explanations for the name Shamu, and the most likely one IMO seems to be the “she-namu” one, not the “friend of Namu” one(? What is this even based on.) 4b) It’s not quite clear if she’s saying “Namu was the first ever orca to be displayed and perform shows” or or Namu was the first to be displayed and, like Shamu, performed shows. Either way, Moby Doll was the first to truly be displayed to the public, not Namu.

5) x ‘Namu died after one year in captivity and you’d think that this might deter Seaworld from doing the same thing again…’ Seaworld truly had nothing to do with Namu. And they leased/took possession of Shamu before Namu died. ‘Again’? What?

6) x “Now, PETA paints a pretty disturbing picture…” [while showing Okura’s artwork] This video segment is, and this is putting it nicely, a pile of poorly-researched BULLSHIT.  -Yes, PETA talks about Shamu’s capture, re: the harpooning of her mother. This Youtuber cannot apparently be arsed to look more than 1 Google search into this, as she proceeds to dismiss the information as potentially fabricated. There are two detailed accounts of Shamu’s capture that I’m aware of - in books - and though they have some slight conflicts, it’s absolutely NOT in doubt that the female who was very likely Shamu’s mother was 1) harpooned, 2) died from her injuries and 3) this had been done to make her easier to catch/locate because there was a fucking buoy attached to the harpoon. Which she dragged around for at least 24 hours prior dying.  So maybe don’t dismiss that as PETA hysteria, maybe TRY to determine the truth of the matter, which would inform one that it is both true and completely horrifying.  -In addition, Okura is an awesome individual who has worked very hard to create a variety of informative artwork for our cause. Okura is NOT associated with PETA and it’s borderline libel in my eyes to use their artwork in this dismissive manner when the primary sources of it can be easily identified online, with full explanations and everything. Do I take special offense to this because of the misuse of artwork? Absolutely. Artists get disrespected enough online. I’m tired of it. This kind of laziness IS NOT acceptable.

7) x ‘timeline is fuzzy about when Shamu died’ …………… it’s…. It’s really not … newspapers are pretty clear about it…..

8) x [complete and utter oversimplification of the lifespan issue, which is not acceptable for anything published in 2020. It just isn’t. If you’re going to bring it up like this, either do the legwork and get into the weeds or stay out.] 8b) [same for reproductive ages. sigh]

9) x if we’re going to talk about when Cornell was involved with Seaworld it’s very important to specify when Cornell was involved with Seaworld and not make it seem like it’s present tense.

10) x “both were rescued by Seaworld” - uh? no. Zero orcas have been rescued by Seaworld. Literally none. The infected-jaw orca was Sandy, whose story is complex and certainly does not involve Seaworld until much later. And many of the orcas in that time period had bullet wounds, often only identified post-mortem because they didn’t seem to hurt the animals much. Also, unflinchingly blending 70s captivity ethics with modern ones is also complete nonsense? 

11) x [tilikum coming from sealand] inhales I am going to make an entire video centered on this fucking subject because it’s one of the single most profound arguments for Seaworld being garbage as assessed by US government agencies in the 90s yet everyone utterly fails to mention this. Why?!

12) x what on earth is this nonsense re: quoting a quote from Zimmerman’s article - which has already been removed from its original context, so the original context is not available - and then penalizing the quote for existing as if Zimmerman’s article were the context? That is offensively disingenuous. I honestly don’t know what the original context is, either - but it’s wildly inappropriate to act as if the Zimmerman article is.

13) x this is relatively minor but ‘Paul Sprong’? You literally have his name on the screen. And then mis-reading his age too? While asserting it from a static article published years ago? Effort? Where is it?

14) x ‘another trainer, Peter’ ….. Ken Peters…. 

15) [weirdly glossing over the widely-available list of orca-trainer injuries/aggressions, despite it being central to the point.] 16) x This pilot whale outrage certainly happened but it was pretty clearly Blackfish that started the cascade of woes for Seaworld. Who has ever asserted this?

17) if you’re gonna just rehash blackfish, tell people to go watch blackfish.

18) x I’ve already gone over the context issue with Seaworld calling out Howard’s statement in Blackfish here (point 23). Which is to say, IN CONTEXT in Blackfish it’s clear what Mr. Garrett is talking about but, divorced from that, it sounds incorrect. But this Youtuber AMPLIFIES the issue by doubling down on the assertion with “no record of a killer whale doing any harm to anyone in the wild.” The surfer event should always be mentioned. Yes, there’s absolutely room for doubt. But there’s also a clear demarcation between an accidental attack (eg mistaken identity, as was likely for the surfer) and intentional one (eg the incidents at marine parks.) Why do people kneecap themselves on this point 18b) please stop acting like Luna represents orcas in general.

19) x “Howard, for all of his research…” … while referring to David Duffus’ b-roll and statements. Uh. 20) x Apparently this Youtuber has single-handedly resolved the dorsal fin issue. You know, the thing that hasn’t been properly researched ever, that has been subject to a ton of debate, that isn’t 100% settled for a variety of reasons, and almost everyone talks about in terms of theories and likely possibilities.  21) x Alexis Martinez wasn’t “torn to shreds.” In a space where even moderate exaggerations are often penalized harshly by the opposition, this kind of blatant nonsense is not welcome. Plus, the reality’s bad enough… you don’t have to make anything up!

22) x *sighs. points at own webpage*

23) Talking about the shows stopping without acknowledging how that’s a bit of a farce is something else. In addition to apparently just flipping to buying what Seaworld’s selling re: its ‘improved image.’ 

*** Tl;dr video is so unrelentingly full of errors ranging from small to egregious it makes me seriously concerned for the veracity of the rest of this person’s content. The maker of the video provided a list of their sources in their video description, which I will have time to look through in detail later. The above is solely a response to the information they present IN THE VIDEO - which, is very important because let’s be real: a lot of people are not going to look at the list of sources. People don’t even do it when citing papers (no really, you’d be surprised, fml.) For anyone who wants to whinge that I haven’t linked or asserted any sources of my own for my claims… well, remember what I said about time-consuming and ‘I’m busy’? Yhea. Getting all of that together will be part of making a video. So if you want to shrug loudly at my list here… you can, that’s your prerogative, I’m happy to say I DGAF if that’s your takeaway. 

What I hope, is that if there’s anything I’ve made clear over the While of running this blog, it’s that I don’t fuck around when it comes to sources and information and do my best to provide what information exists, all of it, not just cherrypicked bits and bobs. Anyways. Here’s step 0 at least. Please don’t share that video. Pretty please.

[yuusa]

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝟒

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟐𝟖𝟕𝟐

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝟒:

Yuki tapped on the chalkboard as most of the classroom swooned over his appearance. You stood by his side since you were the vice representative of the class, only a few points behind Yuki. You wanted to yawn as he asked the classroom for suggestions. Tohru waved at you from across the classroom when you both made eye contact, you gave her a small smile to acknowledge her wave.

The other girls in the class were insistent on creating some sort of maid-butler service cafe, to which Yuki had to write down on the board despite his protests. Tohru raised her hand to suggest selling onigiris, causing some of the girls to openly mock her. Your eyebrow twitched and before Yuki could say anything, you crossed your arms across your chest.

“Quit your god damn yapping.” You snarled at them, causing all of them to flinch at your cold voice, “unless you have something other than a Sohma advertisement, you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.”

“S-She has spoken!” While Yuki has his fair of fangirls in the school, you were yet again a close second with the boys. You sighed as Yuki only sweatdropped at the number of boys commenting about you. You almost forgot you even had any sort of followers considering how unlikable you thought you were.

Although you were unsure of how you felt about the behavior of them, you found that they were much more tolerable than the other girls who swooned over Yuki. If you asked the boys what they liked about you, they might just rant about your academic achievements and appearance. But, admiration stops here. Many of them choose to respect your own privacy and dare not to overstep their boundaries, it was a simple crush and nothing more. However, you had to say that you were glad that the boys had more dignity than the fan girls. 

“Selling onigiris would be good, it’s easy to make a variety and eat.” You turned to Yuki, slightly motioning to confirm Tohru’s ideas.

“An Onigiri Battle Royale!” Kyo shouted. “Winner will get the onigiri after a bloody battle.”

“No one will be conducting violence here.” You easily shut him down, causing him to sulk in his chair.

One of your female classmates stood up from her chair, “since we are going with the onigiri idea,” You could even hear the girl’s distaste in her voice, “we’re going to need an advertisement obviously!”

“An advertisement. . . ?” You mumbled, you assumed she is going to beg Yuki into doing something uncomfortable. You wanted to openly frown at her next suggestion but you remained straight-faced. 

“We want Yuki to dress up with this dress we recently bought!”

I knew it! You thought, sweating bullets as you turned to Yuki who was already growing pale. You started to feel extremely bad having the boy next you being forced into gender-opposite clothes. 

“Then, (L/n)-san should wear an apron too!”

“No! She should wear a princely outfit! Look at her cold stare within those (e/c) eyes! So fitting!” Someone argued.

“What if she is also a princess?! Two princesses!” 

“Since they’re both representing our class, they should wear something matching!” The blond-haired student called out. You believe her name was Uotani, she seemed to be quite close to Tohru as they hung out together a lot during school.

“Yuki-kun is already going to wear our dress! We aren’t buying (L/n)-san her own!”

“We’ll pay for it!” The boys whipped out their own wallets and presented it into the air. 

“Everyone vote for (L/n)-san’s outfit then!” Uotani announced. 

Your eyebrows twitched again in annoyance but you sighed. This was possibly the best way to get the most people at your classroom for the festival. You turned to Yuki who was still pale from thinking about the horror which will arrive. 

You mouthed to him if he was okay, to which he responded with a nod and a smile to you. You both would have to suffer for the success of the festival then. You wanted to groan as your classmates bickered.

In the end, it seems as if the boys in the class voted for a princely outfit for you. You covered your face with your hands as you tried to catch your breath at this strange class. You wouldn’t even be able to know what outfit you would be wearing until the day of the festival. How embarrassing. 

“Can we set some guidelines first of all?” You asked, many of the boys nodding as you took the chalk from Yuki’s hands with your bandaged fingers.

“Please nothing revealing and it has to follow the school dress code still. Keep the capes at a decent length, it would be a hazard having other students and myself trip over it.” You quickly wrote on the board your specifications, “I will also specify that I do not like the color red.”

“Furthermore,” you continued to write, “for Sohma-san’s sake, ask permission to take photos of him. Do not harass him during his breaks or force him into certain actions.”

“Question!” A male student raised his hand high into the air, “if the students pay for five onigiris, can we make special requests for photos?!”

They were asking for a lot this year, you sweatdropped, “as long as it’s nothing inappropriate I guess that should be fine. . .” You turned to Yuki for his approval, while he isn’t keen on being used for advertisement, he was still on the same boat as you: you both wanted your classroom festival to succeed.

“Then, five onigiris for a special request picture.” He smiled while the girls continued to squeal in joy.

You sighed before taking out your journal to document this classroom conversation.

“Oh! (L/n)-san, can you get this table’s orders?” Your coworker called out, holding out a tray and a notebook. “It’s a table for two!” 

You scanned the notebook, seeing that they wanted a variety of drinks and food. One of which was a couples parfait. 

“Yes, right away.” You began to sift through the matcha powder into the warm water and continued to stir with your wooden whisk. 

You begin to notice the ever-growing presence of Yuki in your life, even remembering the way you made tea for him that day. You wondered how easy it was for him to simply slip his way into your life. It must have been a very fateful day. You thought back to your first encounter with him, was it really fate which brought you two together? It seemed so unlikely that the Gods would ever want anything to be within your favor.

As you decorated the parfait with various toppings your coworker, whom you often referred to as Shimada-san, came over to say that she needed you to serve table number 4. You nodded before placing all the cups and food onto the tray before making your way to the table.

You approached the table and gave them a closed smile, “thank you for waiting, here is your order.”

“Oh? So the class rep works here? Cute apron you’re wearing.” You flinched as you snapped your eyes open.

Uotani stared at you with her still wearing the school uniform with Hanajima at the other side of the table. Crap! When did they get here?! You could feel yourself getting nervous as you tried to keep a smile on your face.

“U-Uotani-san, Hanajima-san, it’s nice to see you outside of school.” You nervously responded. “What brings you out here?”

“We heard there was a special edition couples parfait that we had to try.” Hanajima immediately dug into the ice cream with her spoon and started to eat away at it. “It’s very delicious, it has the perfect amount of chocolate to strawberry ratio, and it’s even better with the number of toppings.”

“I’m surprised you even work class rep, most of the students who work usually don’t have a lot of duties for school.” Uotani leaned her head against her propped up hand.

“Is that so? I live alone so I have to work to pay off the rent.” You noticed the way Uotani’s eyes seemingly softened at your reason. You wondered if she too understood the struggle of housing.

“Oh, I see. I also work at a convenience store pretty close by here. Why don’t you sit here and talk with us?”

“A-Ah,” You checked behind the counter to see if Shimada-san was okay with it and it doesn’t seem like there were a lot of customers, “I guess I can stay for a little.”

Hanajima pulled up another chair and you thanked her before sitting down. You neatly folded your skirt to keep a modest appearance. From the corner of your eye, you can see her grin widen even more.

“How long have you been working here for, class rep?” Uotani began to eat the parfait, noting that the strawberries were especially sweet today. “Did you burn yourself or something while working the other day?” She pointed at your hands. 

“A-Ah, yes I did.” You gave her a half-lie, “you can just call me (L/n)-san. I’ve been working here since the start of high school. You’re friends of Tohru-kun aren’t you?”

“Yup,” Uotani reached out to Hanajima to bring her into a side hug, “Tohru is always our best friend.”

“Speaking of Tohru, she told us you also went over to her house. Are you also her friend as well?” Hanajima asked.

“Oh, yes, I guess so. She invited me to dinner a couple of days ago. Tohru-kun is very kind and generous.”

“Right?! She always seems so cheerful and happy it brightens everyone’s moods.” Uotani poked at the ice cream.

“She always had that effect on people,” Hanajima added, “(L/n)-san, we never see you outside of classes even during lunch breaks, do you simply eat alone?” 

Your ears perked up at the sound of your name, “O-Ah. . . Yes. Tohru-kun did ask me to sit with her during lunch but I was afraid I might be intruding.”

Uotani slapped your shoulder playfully while laughing, “you should come! We don’t bite after all. You can always hang out with us and Tohru.”

“I see, I’ll take up that offer next time then.” You responded.

“Did you make these yourself (L/n)-san?” Hanajima pointed at the neatly decorated latte that had a foam cat sitting in the middle.

“Yes, is it to your liking?” You scratched your cheek awkwardly.

“It’s very cute, we always thought you had the best grade in home economics since you often made really nice dishes.” Hanajima complimented, almost finishing the rest of the parfait and beginning to eat at the fluffy pancakes on the side.

You cracked a small smile, “They aren’t that great, thank you for your compliments Hanajima-san.”

“You’re always trying to be so humble and polite (L/n)-san, we’re not even at school.” Uotani started to cut into the pancakes, “you should try to loosen up, here.”

She brought over a cut piece of the fluffy dish up to your face, motioning for you to eat some.

“Is it okay? It’s your food Uotani-san.”

She waved the food around in front of your face, “cmon it’s totally fine! We’re sharing with you anyway!”

Your eyes widened for a bit before you decided to tuck a few strands behind your ear, “then, if you don’t mind.” You leaned forward and carefully took the piece of food without sullying the fork with your germs.

“Oh? You eat pretty politely too.” Hanajima said.

You slowly chewed on the food while nodding in response. “Sorry, was that okay?”

“Maaan~ You class representatives always have pretty faces y'know? Look at Yuki Sohma, the girls go nuts over him.” Uotani dug into another piece of the pancake and continued to chew, “do you both have a secret beauty routine you’re not telling anyone?”

You stifle a chuckle, “not really, I don’t think there's much of a secret to Sohma-san’s beauty, but I do wash my face every hour.”

“Woow, does washing your face make that much of a difference?” Uotani asked.

“Hmm. . . It does keep my face from being constantly oily so maybe.”

“I should try that too then. . .” She mumbled.

Hanajima turned towards you, “are you and Yuki Sohma-san close?”

“N-Not really. We’re just friends.” You tried to brush off the fact that he visited your house yesterday and made an effort to keep a straight face.

Hanajima only nodded in response, “it seems like you guys were close. He stares at you in class a lot.”

E-Eh?! He was staring?! While you kept a straight face in front of Uotani and Hanajima, you were blowing up with steam on the inside. Did I do something embarrassing in class?! Your brain halted to a screeching stop.

“Oh. I see.” You deadpanned. “That is nice.”

“Is that your only reaction. . . ?” Uotani sweatdropped.

“I almost forgot, (L/n)-san, does the rest of the class know you work here?” Hanajima asked.

“N-No,” you diverted your eyes somewhere else, “it would be embarrassing to have them see me in my work uniform.”

“Why not? You’ll get a lot more customers.”

“T-That’s true but. . . I just don’t want my personal life being mixed in with school.” You fidgeted with the hem of your skirt, “the only other people who know are Tohru-kun and some of the Sohmas.”

“Hmm. . . I guess so. You’re already dressing up for the festival, it must be hard having a fan club.” She added.

“They’re all nice people, I’m just a bit glad that mine aren’t as vocal as Sohma-san’s.”

You wanted to sigh at this very moment. It was very tough handling even one person from his fan club, you couldn’t even imagine having most of the school head over heels over you. With that much admiration and idolization, you wondered if Yuki ever felt as if he had to keep up his own public image.

He must have felt lonely.

He always had this distant look in his eyes that were shrouded in what seems to be a facade of a prince. Even when talking to other people, it feels as if he too was forcing himself to make a conversation. He would tightly grasp onto the sleeve of his arm whenever he felt stressed, similarly to your own coping habits. 

“I find that. . .” Uotani and Hanajima’s ears perked up at the sound of your voice, “Sohma-san feels outcasted in a way. . .”

“He doesn’t want to show people the real him.” You mumbled, almost inaudible to the other two.

You stood up from your seat and patted down your skirt. “It seems as if my break is over. It was nice meeting you both.” You bowed down to them before repositioning your seat back to the other table.

Uotani only stared at you with a blank stare before giving you a smile, “alright you busy bee, go back to working~”

Hanajima waved you goodbye as they both continued their own conversations with each other. You looked over your shoulder to see them starting to laugh and joke around while you opened the door to the employee’s room. You sat onto the bench and pulled your knees to your chest, resting your head against them.

“We’re similar, Sohma-san.”

You tightened your fists as your nails dug into your bandaged fingers.

You felt so lonely.

Being surrounded by so many people and yet not a single one of them understood anything about yourself. It was so. . . Difficult. It was difficult communicating your inner frustrations and desires, it was difficult even trying to hold conversations with people like Uotani and Hanajima.

You can’t understand how hard it is to simply talk. To just talk to other people and say the things you truly mean. You don’t understand it at all.

“Why do you keep looking at me? Go away.” She tightened her hands together as she prayed in front of the altar.

“You hate me, don’t you? I can see in your eyes. You want me to suffer. . .” She mumbled. “You’re simply a figment of my precious daughter. . .”

She continued to kneel over the altar, your figure hiding within the dark corner as you watched her offer God another worthless gift. You stared at her with wide eyes, your irises never leaving her figure as you watched her every single movement. She fumbled around with the incense and tried to light the tip up with a small portable lighter. She continued to flick at the object, trying to create a small spark of flame.

“It’s all your fault that God isn’t here.” She said, standing up from her position and walking towards the door, shutting it and locking it from the outside. “You worthless spirit.”

You just wanted to cry.

You gripped onto your clothes as you shut your eyes, feeling the cold, wet sensation dripping down your cheeks as you stifled your whimpers.

[danceinpurgat0ry]

At the End of Everything, Hold Onto Anything

Ahoy hoy, readers!

So... This is another one of my personal favorites, even though I was relatively new back when I wrote it. Like “Snowed In,” this takes place in a modern AU. This was also slightly inspired by Night in the Woods. It’s a really good game, and I think you should check it out.

And like “Hold You, Never Let Go,” I was only able to post the first half since the second part contains smut, which I’m afraid of getting in trouble for if I were to post it here, since I’m not too familiar with this site’s content guidelines. There is a brief mention of it, though, but it’s very brief and will most likely be fine (I hope).

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on for long enough. I hope you enjoy!

. ˚◞♡ 🎐 *ೃ༄

The breeze was cold, delivering the autumn winds as it traveled. Leaves fell from the looming trees, assuming a crisp orange hue. Autumn is said to represent adulthood and maturity. And, to be frank, whoever said that wasn't necessarily wrong.

You had just finished unpacking your things. You had just moved back to your hometown. Why? Well, you wanted to resume your aimless former life and catch up on those you left behind. So you dropped out of college, moved back, and... yeah.

In fact, there was one person in particular you yearned to see again. You just weren't sure if that person still lived here.

It's better to just not get your hopes up, though...

━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━

A few days have passed, and already you're starting to feel a little glum.

Things have changed here. Your friends, the town, the venues... everything. It's almost as though everything's moved on without you.

Your friends have grown and changed. They have jobs now. They almost seemed alien to you now. Or was it the other way around?

Nah, it had to be them.

Anyways, there was still this one place in town you liked that was still around. It was a local bar you used to sneak into from time to time, namely because they had a cocktail-type arcade machine called "Galaga," and you would always sneak in to play it.

Looking back, you're actually rather thankful that the bartender pretended not to see you when you did.

And admittedly, you actually did have a drink or two a few years before you were of legal age to drink. Thankfully, you dodged a huge bullet when your mother took you here for your "first drink" since the bartender covered for you.

Good times...

But even the bar itself had changed. The bar had been renovated to fit in with more modern times (it was actually more like a club than a bar now). Nevertheless, you were relieved that it was at least still there.

You could hear the music from across the street. Sighing, you decided to enter. Whether it was for nostalgic reasons or simply because of an obscure sense of curiosity, you'd never know.

━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━

You took a sip of your drink as you stared at the others abhorrently, jealous that those freaks were able to find their "special someone" before you (even if it was just some weird hookup). It disgusted you. But perhaps it was all just in your head. Nonetheless, you were still pretty pissed.

Of course, this burning flame of jealousy died down a bit when notice a familiar face sitting next to you—Hinoka. Hinoka was a good friend of yours. She was a serious girl who didn't take shit from anyone. And admittedly, you still thought it was the funniest thing ever when she knocked the shit out of this one jackass who attempted to flirt with her, only to offend her in the process.

Anyway, you were a bit surprised to find that Hinoka of all people decided to come to a place like this. "H-Hinoka?!" you practically yelped. "Dude, I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Hm? Oh, hey (Y/N)," she responded, sipping out of her flask. "What're you doing here? Weren't you going to college out-of-state?"

"Uh, yeah, funny story," you began. "I kinda, sorta dropped out."

"Oh, really? How come?"

"Do you promise not to laugh?"

"Of course. We've been friends for gods-know-how-long. You can tell me anything."

"Okay..." You inhaled deeply, then turned back to her. "I wanted to go back to being an aimless nobody and return to my friends and family."

It went silent for a moment before Hinoka let out a soft sigh. "Is that it?"

"Pretty much..." Technically, it wasn't. Of course, you weren't willing to admit that.

"I'm not going to judge you or think less of you for it," Hinoka began. "But I believe you could've done better. Honestly."

"Yeah, I know..."

Those were words you didn't want to hear at all, but you knew that Hinoka was just being a good friend. You couldn't be mad at her for that.

You took a sip, still feeling a bit glum. You're odds of actually getting to see a certain somebody were already low, but you feared that you might not even get to see them. Possibly ever again.

This certain somebody wasn't just "anybody." This somebody—a girl, to be exact—was someone you had your eyes on. In fact, you could've even said that you were infatuated with them. But being the dick you were back then, you left without even so much as a goodbye. Or at least, you thought you were a dick for it.

But that wasn't until you heard a soft, smooth voice that your mood suddenly skyrocketed. When you turned around, you saw her—a purple-haired woman sitting right next to you. You nearly spit out your drink (like a fucking idiot). It was her!

"C-C-Camilla?!" you squeaked.

She turned to you, a large smile spreading across her face. "(Y/N)? Oh, what a wonderful surprise~!" she said as she wrapped her arms around you, practically squeezing the life out of you. When she did so, her large breasts squished into your face. It was pleasant, but a bit cliché. You've seen something like this in a few anime and manga, and honestly, you now realize that it really isn't like they make it seem.

"I missed you so much," she cooed. You shifted your head so that you could speak. "Ah... I missed you, too."

Camilla eventually let go, then reached out to hold your hands. "Why don't we go somewhere else? We have quite a bit to catch up on, you know." As she spoke, you could tell that she was a bit disgusted by the mere presence of Hinoka. But that was to be expected. The two didn't neccessarily get along well. Hinoka seemed to be glaring at the purple-haired woman with the same amount of disgust.

"Y-Yeah, okay," was all you could utter. Camilla flashed you a warm smile, gently pulling you along and leading you outside.

━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━

"Where have you been all this time? I missed you so much."

The two of you were now at your house. It was your idea, but it was a bit lackluster (in your opinion), and you hoped that Camilla wasn't secretly judging you for it. Well, it wasn't like you could've just waltzed into town and bought a fucking mansion or some shit.

"Ah... I went off to college. You know that."

"Oh, that's right. And how did that turn out for you?"

Again with that question...

"I...dropped out." You practically bit your tongue as you confessed that to her.

"Oh? How come?"

"Because..." You breathed in a sharp inhale. "I wanted to come back. Get all that pressure off of my shoulders. And..."

Gods, at a time like this, you wished you were dead.

"The truth is, I...wanted to be with you. I've always had my eyes on you, Camilla. I've dreamt of you for countless nights, wishing that I could just be in your arms and cuddle the shit out of you. That by some stupid luck I'd one day be yours. College was hard, Camilla, not because of the pressure, but because I missed you so fucking much."

At this point, the words just flowed out of you. Camilla seemed to be hooked on every word you managed to spew out.

"You're the only woman for me. I was a mess back there because you're just so perfect. I could never focus in my courses because I could never get you out of my head. Because I love you, Camilla, so very fucking much."

After confessing your feelings for her, you didn't think you could even bring yourself to look at her directly due to sheer embarrasment. You winced, expecting her to laugh at your feelings. To your surprise though, Camilla just stood up and approached you, bringing her fingers to your chin to guide your gaze to her face, before planting her lips onto yours. It felt...great.

To be honest, this was the best kiss you've ever had. You can't really say it was your first, though, since you've had a few partners back when you were going to college up state. Ever since you left, you had a huge hole inside that you desperately tried to fill, although things didn't really work out for you. You fought with one of them, the second cheated on you with some douchebag, and the rest were just hookups or one night stands. There was no woman out there that was like Camilla. Yeah, it was pretty hella depressing, but you knew that after this, that hole would finally be filled.

After what seemed like an eternity, your lips parted. The sensation still lingered within you, though, whether it was because of happiness, your libido, or maybe both. One thing's for certain, though: Camilla tasted really fucking good.

"Damn," you spoke. "That...was awesome."

"You liked it?" Camilla giggled. "I'm glad. I've been waiting so very long to do that."

"Have you, now? Well, I'm happy that I got my feelings through to you. Uh...assuming that you reciprocate, that is."

Camilla gave you a kiss on the forehead. "Of course. And you know...the others missed you just as much. Especially sweet little Corrin, the poor thing was so sad to see you go."

Corrin was a good friend of yours as well. The two of you would hang out all the time, to the point to where you remember pretty much everything about them. Not that you thought they were repulsive, of course. You simply enjoyed their company. The two of you would mostly play video games, but you did other things as well, such as eat lunch together or watch movies.

You missed those times... maybe you should go visit them.

"I'm glad to hear that," you responded. "Now then, there was actually something I've been wanting to do with you."

"Oh?" Camilla let out a confused yet intrigued sound. "Whatever might that be, sweetie?"

━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━

"Bon appétit!"

You brought a few dishes to the table, decked out in red tablecloth and lit candles. Seeing as it was Valentine's Day, you thought that it would be nice to have a fancy(ish?) dinner with the woman who was now your girlfriend. This town didn't offer much in the way of good eats, so you took it upon yourself to cook them up in the comfort of your own home. You had gotten pretty good at cooking after you moved off to go to college, so you didn't have much to worry about in that department.

You brought a bottle of red wine and poured it into your glasses. It wasn't the most "high-class" wine in the world, but it certainly wasn't cheap, either. Some smooth jazz was playing in the background, too. You took a seat and said, "You know, you look really gorgeous. I mean...you always have, but..."

Camilla chuckled, taking a sip of her wine. "Awh, you've always been so cute when you trip over your words. I can't help but fawn over it."

"Damn... And here I thought I was looking like a complete fucking buffoon."

"Oh, I could never think that way of you. You went through all this trouble just to make me feel special, after all."

Ah... She always knew the right things to say. What a goddess.

"So," you began, sipping your wine and attempting to be seductive about it (although you hoped that you didn't look like an idiot doing so). "What have you been up to all this time? Now's a great time to catch up on everything."

"Ah, well, I just recently got a job downtown. I get paid a pretty good amount, so I've been able to take good care of by beautiful siblings easier. Well... Corrin and Elise, anyway."

"They still live with you?" you asked, stifling a bit of laughter. You didn't mean to be disrespectful; it was just a bit laughable to you.

"Oh, of course! Corrin is still pursuing their academic career, and Elise is still a bit too young to move out on her own. So, naturally, it's my job as their big sister to take care of them. We're still keeping in touch with Xander and Leo, though they're off pursuing their own affairs elsewhere."

"That...makes sense."

Camilla was almost like a mother to her siblings... It made you feel a bit jealous. Yeah, you had parents, but they hardly ever paid attention to you since they were always busy working. Because of this, any kind of relationship with them was pretty much nonexistent. It didn't really help that you didn't have any siblings, either.

"Oh? What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Camilla seemed to have sensed the uneasiness within you, much to your surprise. "O-Oh, uh, nothing. I was just thinking, that's all."

"About your parents?"

Fuck.

Camilla had known about your relationship (or, lack of, per se) for a while now, ever since you vented to her about it one day. To be honest, you never expected her to remember that.

You nodded, slowly, letting her know that she was right on the mark, as painful as it was.

"(Y/N), sweetie, you shouldn't worry so much about them. Even if they weren't close to you nor cared for you, you still have me! I care about you so, so much, and I always have. Even when you left, I continued to care deeply for you and your wellbeing."

"But aren't you upset that I just...left? Without even saying goodbye? Aren't you upset by how selfish I was back then?"

"Of course not, (Y/N). I could never be upset with you. You had your reasons. And besides, I knew you'd come home. That's why I waited. I've waited years for you to finally return. And now...here we are. Sitting at your table in your home."

...

You didn't know what to say. Camilla seemed to stand by you no matter what, even though you practically abandoned her for something better, and she was fully aware of that fact. Her little speech brought tears to your eyes. Gods, you loved her so much.

"Thank you..." you said with a sniffle.

"Aww, don't cry, darling. It'll be okay now. You're home." Camilla got up and came over to where you were sitting, turning you around and embracing you.

"T-That's right," you sniffled. "And I'm not leaving again. By your side is where I want to be, even if it's in a hellhole of a town like this. I'm not leaving you ever again."

Camilla smiled against your forehead, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "That's so sweet, (Y/N). I'll always...always be by your side, too, no matter what."

"I'm...happy," was all you could utter.

"Hey," Camilla said, releasing you. "How about we have a little "fun?" You know, since it's Valentine's Day? And a reunion? It'll be much more romantic that way."

To be frank, you've had wet dreams about Camilla even while you were away, so the thought of actually having sex wasn't a bad idea.

"Okay," you replied. "Let's do it." You weren't sure if it was because you were practically half-wine now, but you were feeling pretty adventurous.

Smiling, Camilla reached for your hand and led you to your bedroom.

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

** Writing Challenge **

I know, I know, my next one isn’t quite wrapped up yet, buttttt this idea came to me when my cousin and I were taking a walk down a ridiculous part of Memory Lane and I got excited. I’m guessing this has been done before at some point -- that’s not stopping me from presenting to you: 

I love fluff. And I wanna see more of it! 

Below the cut you will find some prompts that, in the context of Twilight, are absolutely cringe-worthy. My challenge to you is to take that prompt and make it something we can love. 

Disclaimer: I’m not Twilight-shaming ANYONE. I literally sat and watched all of Eclipse and now want to watch both Breaking Dawns. It’s more about sentiment, and the occasional girly giggle for me, but ... yeah. No judgement here, friends. 

Guidelines, prompts, and tags are below the cut! (Yes, I copied and tweaked from my last writing challenge. I’m being efficient, thank you! :P )

Please read all of the information carefully!

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to December 30, 2020. I will accept two people for each prompt, one prompt per author.

Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. I will answer them privately so I’m not flooding anyone’s dash!

In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option, as well as your pairing (so I don’t take the same pairing for the same prompt). Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from.

To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by Decemeber 31, 2020.

Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #BetterThanTwilightWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please tag me in the masterlist.

Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how unreliable my mind can be. Yikes.)

The challenge masterlist will be posted between January 1 and January 4, 2020.

There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.

Yes, this is a FLUFF challenge, so you MUST have fluff as your main genre. You’re more than welcome to include other genres, but you MUST have a happy and/or hopeful ending.

You’re welcome to think outside of the box! Just because I’m talking Twilight and love stories, doesn’t mean there has to be romance! Give me  amazing friendships or strong family bonds or self-love. Or romance! Whatever you’d like. 

You're welcome to change pronouns in the prompt as necessary! Heck, I tweaked a few of ‘em so they’re not Twilight-specific.

For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge (which means I will not reblog or add to the masterlist) stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions!

Bring on the ships, OC’s, reader pairings – I’m trying to be more open-minded as of late, but I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons. But I will reblog everything! 

Characters and RPFs from Marvel/MCU are both welcome. 

If you need an extension or need to drop out, please know that I am extremely flexible when it comes to that deadline/due date. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “It’s really more of a guideline.” Just shoot me an ask or a message and we’ll work something out, no worries! 

Prompts: 

1. “I have always loved you, and I will always love you.”  2. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”  3. “I know what you are.”  4. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.” 5. “You have a connection with her that I’ll never understand.” 6. “I’m glad she has you.” 7. “It will be like I never existed. I promise.” 8. “I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness.” 9. “That will take a while to get used to.” “We have a while.” 10. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” 11. “I’d rather hear your theories.” 12. (sarcastically) “Super. That makes me really happy.” 13. “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” 14. “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.” 15. “It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and they’ll accept you for what you are.” 16. “I’ve been waiting for what seems like a very long time to get beyond what I am.” 17. “I feel like I can finally begin.” 18. “He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently nobody here is good enough for him.” 19. “He did say I couldn’t step inside the door. I came in through the window.” 20. “I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun.” 21. “Now I’m afraid.” “Good.” 22. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you.” 23.  “About three things I was absolutely positive ...” 24. “You’re so stubborn.” 25. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” 26. “I can’t even think about someone hurting you.” 27. “The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.” 28. “Don’t antagonize her. She’s the strongest one in the house.” 29. “All right. That’s enough experimenting for one day.” 30. “It never made sense for you to love me.” 31. “I wish there had been someone to vote no for me.” 32. “It’s just a little baby.” 33. “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” 34. “I’m not missing another fight!” 35. “No one can hide like me.” 36. “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?” 37. “I have one condition, if you want me to do it myself.” 38. “I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” 39. “How did you get in here?” “The window.” 40. “I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” 41. “You should put your seatbelt on.” 42. “Can you talk about something else? Distract me so I won’t turn around.” 43. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” 44. “After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” 45. “Maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” 46. “All of my best nights have happened since I met you.” 47. “You know everybody’s staring?” “Not that guy ... no, he just looked.” 48. “She wishes she was that awesome.” 49. “Does he visit often?” “Yeah, all the time.” 50. “Lie ... Lie better.” 51. “I’m Switzerland.” 52. “That should have been our first kiss.” 53. “Would you like to hear my story? It doesn’t have a happy ending -- but which of ours does?” 54. “Another party?” “It’ll be fun.” “Yeah. That’s what you said last time.” 55. “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I will always be yours.” 56. “The way he watches you. It’s like he’s willing to leap in front of you and take a bullet or something.” 57. “Kill me! Not him!” 58. “Stay.” “Give me one good reason.” 59. “Yeah, it’s and off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” 60. “Damn it! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” 61. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not afraid of it.” 62. “Do I dazzle you?” 63. “I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.” 64. “Bring on the shackles, I’m your prisoner.” 65. “You are my life now.” 66. “And then we continued blissfully into this small, perfect piece of our forever.” 67. “Nobody’s ever loved someone as much as I love you.” 68. “I don’t know what happened.” “You love him.” 69. “All of sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.” 70. “You really love her?” 71. “I don’t see the whole point of the rest of the world without her.” 72. “Then I found a promising site ... I waited impatiently for it to load, quickly clicked closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally, the screen finished -- simple, white background with black text; academic-looking. Two quotes greeted me on the homepage:” 73. “I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” 74. “I’ll be fighting for her, too, and I’ll be fighting twice as hard as you will.” 75. “It’s always been him.” 76. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” 77. “They’re coming for her.” “They’re not gonna touch her.” 78. “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” 79. “You know, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.” 80. “You have disappeared. Like everything else.” 81. “The absence of him is everywhere I look.” 82. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” 83. “Your number was up the first time I met you.” 84. “We all like to drive fast.” 85. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” 86. “I’ve never given much thought to how I’d die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” 87. “Don’t tempt me too far. My patience isn’t that perfect.” 88. “His tone questions my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfect delivered line by a skilled actor.” 89. “What’s he mad about?” 90. “No measure of time with you will ever be enough.” 91. “I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.” 92. “We’re gonna be great friends!” 93. “If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing him.” 94. “Until your heart stops beating.” 95. “I touched the cool miracle of his ski, and I was home.” 96. “Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” 97. “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes.” 98. “Leave it to you ... you have to start hanging out with the first weirdos you can find.” 99. “I love him much more than I should, and yet still nowhere near enough.” 100. “I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes.”

Tags for possible interest/signal boosting (if you’re so inclined): 

 @captain-s-rogers​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​​​​​​​​ @hurricanerin​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @horsesandbandsforlife​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @captain-rogers-beard​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @shynara51​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sea040561​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @pinknerdpanda​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @jackryanplz​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @beakami​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @heartsaved​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @fullprunerebelstatesman​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @blackwidowismyhomegirl​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @shield-agent78​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @jennmurawski13​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @okay-maybe-i-like-marvel-too​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[digitalmarketingtutorial]

Content Writing Tips

Google recognizes that it is too similar to your original keywords to include them in the content copy. Your first paragraph should contain only a few sentences that draw the reader into the content.

In the end, you will have a clear, concise and clear copy, which is the main motive of a satisfied author. You will be able to read with your reader, which means you will find it easier to spot flawed logic, poor organization and boring writing. This makes it easier to scan your content, and people will pick out the juicy, important bits.

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[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 56

Warnings: profanity

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​

An hour before the initial team meeting, Tyler gathers privately with Anil; a chance to discuss the ‘rules and guidelines’ they’d drafted up when agreeing to run the mission together. While normally not one to hand over even partial control of a situation, it had been an easy decision to make. Anil a seasoned businessman with years in special forces; extensive working knowledge of weapons and hand to hand combat, unlimited resources and trustworthy informants with their ears to the ground. He never would have been able to pull off all the organizing and delegating on his own; his military days and his time as a merc seeing him as the one who followed plans and orders and got his hands dirty. Even with his years in the game, it’s still a lot to learn; going from simply part of the team to running the entire show. When it comes to the job, the only way to truly learn is to be thrown into the deep end.   Whether it’s running things behind the scenes or being dropped into the middle of an already volatile and unpredictable situation. You’re never fully ready; no real way of preparing yourself when no two missions are ever the same.

While the feeling of emptiness remains, it isn’t nearly as profound as it had been the night before; the ache in his chest still there, but not as painful. It’s a classic case of homesickness. Something he’d experienced every time he left for a job, but not to such an enormous extent. It isn’t just about missing what he left behind; from his wife and his kids to the view off the back deck and the sound and smell of the ocean. It isn’t just a longing to kiss her and hold his baby girl and hear his kids’ laughter and voices and see their smiles. With every other job he’d been able to handle whatever was thrown at him; to just roll with the punches -literally, at times- and think quick on his feet and improvise if need be. But this is different; far more complex and dangerous. With the bounty on his head, it was hostile territory before he even stepped foot on it. And it isn’t just his life hanging in the balance. His entire world...his entire existence...is being threatened. The stakes have never been higher, and even one simple mistake, at his hand or someone else’s, could destroy everything.

Both hearing her voice and Koen’s tough love -along with a hearty meal- had done wonders to ease some of the emotional suffering; sleeping surprisingly well, waking only to take some pain meds and then immediately drifting off again. Waking had been another story; disoriented at first, hand blindly reaching for that warm, soft body that’s normally beside him, only for his fingers to encounter cold, vacant sheets.  It had taken his brain several minutes to get over its confusion. Not even  remembering he was even in Mumbai; initially questioning if she’d gone ahead without him when it came to the kids’ morning routines, then wondering why the hell it was so quiet. That’s when the fear and the panic kicked in; the feeling of absolute dread that something horrible had happened to his entire family.  And if it hadn't been for the cautious hand Koen had put on his shoulder and his voice -surprisingly and uncharacteristically soft and soothing- saying “Easy, mate. Easy”, he’s pretty certain he would have had a full out panic attack.

Three hours later and his nerves have finally calmed.  The reality of the situation finally settling in; his focus and determination to get the job started taking precedence over all other feelings. The homesickness lingering  yet not threatening to devour him; able to concentrate on the conversation at hand and the very detailed and concise report on the screen of the laptop open in front of him. He’s had  little to say; silence enabling him to take in the information and plan around it. Organizing things in his mind; already designating the harder tasks to those he knows can handle them. With Rata in town now -having arrived from Cairns only two hours early- it makes four (including himself) with extensive military backgrounds; him and Nathan with time already served as mercs. Ovi, as eager as he is, is their weak link. He has no actual experience and this isn’t the ideal job for someone to be learning on. If the stakes weren’t so high, Tyler wouldn’t mind the kid tagging along and shadowing him. But he simply doesn’t have the time to babysit; his focus needing to be on getting shit done and keeping himself alive.

“You’ve said very little,” Anil comments, and moves to fill both their now empty coffee cups from a carafe in the middle of the table. They’ve sought privacy in the hotel’s private conference room that had been promised to the team upon arrival; sitting down before the briefing to ensure they’re on the same page.

“I’m not much of a talker.”

“A man of action and very few words.”

Tyler nods in agreement.

“You miss home.” It's a statement, not a question.

“That obvious, huh?”

Anil gives a small, sympathetic smile. “More than a little. But to be honest, it would concern me if you didn’t miss home. You take great pride in being a family man.”

“Only thing I’ve done with my life that I AM proud of,” Tyler admits.

“Not your military service or the people you’ve helped as a mercenary? They don’t fit in your vision of things to be proud of?”

“Not really. I wouldn’t say killing people for money is something to be proud of. Or boast about but my kids are. For the most, I know I’m doing right by them; that I’m not screwing them up too much at least. I’m giving them a good life and a pretty stable home and they’re growing up seeing me love and respect their mother. When I’m old and gray and they’re good people and they’re treating others right and loving with everything they have, THAT’S something I can go to my grave being proud of.”

Anil nods slowly, considering Tyler’s words.

“I was something I never thought I’d have again,” he says. “A wife. Kids.”

“You were married before? Had children?”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t see THAT in my file. I read it; I know it’s all in there.”

“To be quite honest, all I was concerned with was your track record as a mercenary. Your success rate.”

“My kill sheet, you mean.”

“That was one of your major selling points, I must admit.”

“My first marriage didn’t end well. There were a lot of things to blame, but my own issues and bad decisions played the biggest role. And I didn’t think I’d get that chance again; that I’d fucked up so bad I didn’t deserve to have it.  And then I met Esme and things happened pretty quick between us and now…” he shrugs. “...now it’s almost seven years and five kids later.”

“You felt you weren’t worthy of a normal life?”

“I guess. I guess I felt my mistakes were too big to be forgiven and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Then I got into the job and I figured no one would want to get with some guy that kills people for a living. And then came the drinking and the meds.”

“You were in a bad place,” Anil concludes.

“Yeah, it was pretty bad. It GOT pretty bad. I started taking the most dangerous I could, hoping someone would put me out of misery because I was too much of a coward to do it myself.”

“You were meant to live Or a bullet WOULD have found you. Whether someone put it in you, or you did it yourself.”

“Someone DID do it for me. A fucking teenager. A street thug. Shot me from behind and left me with this…” he rubs the tips of his index and middle fingers over the scar on the side of his neck. “...I came so close. So fucking close. And the worst part of it? I came that close to right when I decided I didn’t want to die anymore. Because someone had come along and made me feel alive again after years of feeling like a goddamn zombie. She gave me a reason to stick around and keep going. This hope that her and I would make something out of nothing. And maybe that sounds crazy seeing as we only knew each other for a really short time, but it’s the way it went. I came close to losing everything but it really became anything.”

“She saved you,” Anil says “On that bridge.”

“She saved me in every way a person CAN be saved.  And sometimes she still does. It hasn’t been easy; being with me. We've had a lot of hard, shitty times. But she’s been the one constant; the one thing I know I can count on. The one person that always has my back no matter what. She hangs in there. I don’t know why half the time, but I’m glad she does.”

“You should be grateful,” Anil gestures at him with his coffee cup. “For what you have. Especially for someone in your line of work.”

“Believe me, I am. No one else could do it. It takes a strong fucking person, and she’s the strongest I know. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Or my kids.”

“Which is why you’re here.”

“I don’t care how many lives I have to take. Or how I have to take them. No one fucks with my family.  I don’t care how much money or power they have. Because I’ll stop at nothing to keep my family safe. Even if that means I have to give up my life to do it. As long they survive. That’s all that matters to me.”

“They will be safe,” Anil assures him.  “At my home. I’ll have only my best men working. Around the clock.  Nothing will happen to them under my roof, that I can promise. The best people on top of the best security system money can buy. No one is getting close to them.”

“And I want to believe you, mate. And I want to have all the faith in the world with your people and your money. But I want to put someone there, too.  Someone I know I can trust. We haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I know they’d get the job done if it came down to it.”

“What is your man’s name? I'll do my own background check. I’ll…”

“Nik. Nik Khan. I know that you know who she is.  That you have a ‘working relationship’, whatever the hell that means. She’s the one I want. I worked for her for years and I know how good she is. I know the things she’s capable of. That’s who I want.”

“And you’re certain that she’ll do this for you? Put all the differences aside to do you this one favor?”

“She was the one that offered all the help in the first place. I never went to her. I think it’s safe to say she’ll do it.”

“And Ovi? What do we do with him? It would be dangerous for him...and us...if we allowed him out onto the streets. He’s had no formal training, no real experience with weapons…”

“Use him as a translator. Bring him along when we need to get information out of someone. And he can drop his last name. That’ll make people cooperate.”

“It’s risky,” Anil sighs. “Playing that kind of game.”

“Mate, this whole fucking thing is risky. We don’t even know where most of these guys on the list are. He drops the old man’s name and people will come to him.”

“Lure them? Ambush them?”

“You got a better idea? Because I sure as hell don’t. We’re going into this shit blind. More than the half the addresses on that list you gave don’t even exist. So either you made a mistake, someone gave you bad information, or you’re fucking with me. And you better hope it’s not the last one.”

“It’s the information I was given. From my people. Truly you don’t think I would go into business with you, offer my own home to your wife and children, give you access to all my resources, if I was planning on double crossing you.”

“Six months ago, I had a guy jump through some pretty big hoops to get to me. So yeah, I think you just might.”

“I am in this for my brother,” Anil insists. “To avenge him. His life was torn apart by Mahajan and Amir Asif. Neysa lost her husband;  Aarav lost his father.And for what? A battle between drug lords who deserved nothing more than being put down in the street like rabid dogs. I’m a man of action, myself. I don’t play games. If I wanted you dead, it would have happened already.”

A smirk tugs at the corner of Tyler’s mouth. “Kind of bold of you to assume you’d be able to get it done and not wind up in a body bag yourself.”

“And that...that confidence...that edge…that’s exactly why I wanted to go into business with you. You and I are a lot alike, you know. Our backgrounds, our experiences, our trust and faith in our skills and our abilities. Alone, we’re dangerous. Together, even more so. Your family is safe; nothing will happen to them. I will make sure of that. And I’ll do whatever I have to make sure you return to them. We’re going to have many years of working together, and I very much look forward to it. We’ll be very successful. As long YOU don’t cross ME.”

“I don’t intimidate easily, mate.  I’m not in this to fuck you over. I’m in this to protect my family. That’s all that matters to me. I’ll do what I need to go, you just make sure you get shit done. Mahajan can’t still be breathing when all of this is over.”

“Oh believe me,” Anil says. “He won’t be.”

****

While the others gather in the conference room prior to the team meeting, Tyler retreats to the front lobby. Finding a small alcove that exists of nothing more than a simple wooden bench; tucked away from the foot traffic and the noise. And he’s slightly annoyed when one of Anil’s men move closer  in an effort to keep both an eye on him, and ward off any potential threats. There’s no way anyone could close without Tyler seeing them coming, and all the protection he needs sits in the holster on his right hip.  

He uses his personal cell to call home; both grinning and having to to hold it away from his ear when Millie answers with a shriek that even the ‘bodyguard’ can hear from ten feet away.

“Daddy! Mommy said you’d call before bed and you did! I knew you would! I knew that the bad guys wouldn’t stop you from calling us.”

“Nothing can stop me from talking to you guys.”  The mere sound of her voice and the thought of that unruly hair, those huge blue eyes and that bright smile with its missing teeth, returns the tears to his eyes and the tightness to his chest.  This is wrong. All so fucking wrong.  Having to be apart from them in the first place.  And that’s what makes the rage and the need for revenge begin to simmer yet again. That fact that someone ever put him...them...into this situation.

“I miss you,” Millie says. “I miss you doing my hair before school. Mommy’s good, but she’s not as good as you at it. And I miss how you tuck me in. Like a Millie burrito. The monsters can’t get me when I’m a Millie burrito. Do we get to see you soon?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “It depends.”

“On what?”

“How busy things get. There’s a lot going on and I can’t see you guys until some of it is taken care of. But Auntie Nik will be there; when you arrive. I asked her to go and stay with you guys. Is that okay?”

“I guess. It’s not her fault that you have to leave. Not this time, anyway. But when will you get to see us? Soon?”

“I hope so. Are you okay?”

“I’m a bit sad,” she admits. “Because you’re not here. And ‘cause I don’t get to see you for a bit. And mommy’s sad too. She won’t admit it, but I know she is. Her eyes don’t look the same when you’re gone. When you’re here, her eyes are really sparkly and she smiles a lot. But now her eyes aren’t sparkly and she isn’t smiling much. And that hurts my heart; to see mommy sad. Why is she like that? We’re going on a trip. That should make her a little bit happy, right?”

He clears his throat noisily, then runs a hand over his face. Placing it against his forehead, eyes closed, elbow perched upon his knee. “She’s probably just tired. You guys are being good, I hope. You’re not giving her a hard time, are you? Eating all your dinner? Cleaning your rooms?”

“We’ve been good. We haven’t been fighting or arguing. I haven’t punched anyone in the face. Yet.”

“How about you not punch them in the face EVER.”

“Can I KICK them in the face?”

“No kicking, no punching, no head butts. No nothing. You can’t go through life beating people up because they make you mad.”

“But isn't’ that what you do?” Millie inquires. “People make you mad and you get to beat them up. That’s your job.”

“There’s a little more to it than that.”

“Sometimes you get to kill them?”

Tyler sighs. “Sometimes.”

“But they deserve it because they try to kill you first. So you have to kill them. That makes it okay ‘cause you don’t want to die. And you don’t want mommy or any of us to die either.”

He frowns. “What…?”

“I heard you, daddy. I heard you talking to mommy. I was pretending to be asleep, but I heard you guys talking. About why we’re really leaving. Because the bad guys said they were going to hurt us. So you wanted us to be closer so you could protect us if you had to.”

He has to bite down on his bottom lip to keep a string of expletives from tumbling from his mouth. This is NOT what he wanted. It’s the last goddamn thing he wanted.

“Daddy, it’s okay,” Millie says. “I’m not scared. The bad guys don’t scare me anymore because I know you can beat them up and you won’t let them anywhere near us. You always protect us. Always. You’re not gonna stop now.”

“I’ll never stop protecting you. Not even when you’re married and have kids of your own.”

She giggles. “I don’t think my husband would like my dad around all the time.”

“He doesn’t have a choice. And he won’t protect you like I do. No one can do that. Do me a favor, yeah? Don’t tell your brothers what you know. Keep it to yourself, okay? And don’t tell your mother either; she’s worried enough. She doesn’t need to be worried about that too. Hear me?”

“I hear you. I’ll keep my mouth shut, I promise. If the bad guys DO find us, will you come and see us then?”

“Of course I will. In a heartbeat.”

“But they won’t, right? Find us?”

“You’ll be safe,” Tyler assures her, then looks up as Nik hovers two feet away, hands shoved in the pockets of her well tailored slacks; concern in her eyes and furrowing her brow. And he gives her a small, almost weary smile before adding, “Auntie Nik will make sure you’re safe. You can trust her. I trust her. With you and your brothers and your sister. And your mom. No one else I trust to watch over your guys. I gotta go. I got some things I have to take care of. I love you.”

“I love you too, daddy. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Tell your mom I’ll call her a bit later. Give her a huge hug and a kiss from me.’”

“I will. Are you still wearing your bracelet?”

“I am,” he confirms. “I’m never going to take it off. And you’re right; I DO think of you when I look at it.”

“I’m going to make a matching one for me. So that when I look at mine, I’ll think of you and smile. Because I really miss you. I miss you reading me bedtime stories and taking me surfing and fishing and all that fun stuff. It hurts my heart and my tummy when you’re not here. I don’t like it when you’re gone and I can’t hug you.”

“I don’t like being gone either.” His voice wavers with emotion. “It hurts my heart too. I’ll see you soon, though. I promise.”

“Not soon enough though.”

“No. Definitely not soon enough.”

“I love you, daddy. We’ll talk soon, yeah?”

“Very soon,” he assures her. “I love you, Amelia. Remember that, okay?”

“I will,” she promises, and then disconnects the call.

***

He presses end on his cell, then sits staring at the blank screen for several minutes. Thankful that Nik doesn’t speak or make a move to approach him. Simply giving him the space he needs to cope with all the emotions surging through him; loneliness, heartache. Rage that Mahajan has even threatened his family and put him in such a position. Guilt because he’d even gotten his kids dragged into such a huge, shitty mess. Had he just pushed her away seven years ago...if he just hadn’t been so fucking selfish...none of this would be happening.

“You okay?” Nik finally asks, when he shoves the phone into the side pocket on his cargo pants and then lays his palms against his forehead; thumb rubbing at one temple, index finger working on the other.

“Do I look okay? Do I honestly look okay?”

“I’m sorry; that was a stupid question to ask. Mind if I sit?”

“I don’t give a shit. There’s not much I give a shit about anymore.”

“I know this is hard,” she says, as she sinks onto the bench beside him.   “I know what this is doing to you; being away from them.”

“No. I don’t think you do. And if this is where you lecture me about getting my shit together and how I need to put my personal life aside and not get emotionally involved or some other bullshit you’re going to spew, save it. I know what I have to do. And when it’s time to do it, I’ll do it. Just right now…”

“All I was going to say is that I understand. I get how hard it is for you; leaving home. And how difficult it is this time around, considering the circumstances.”

“You’re not going to tell me that is all my fault? That I’m a selfish bastard for ever getting married and having kids? For bringing this shitty fucking life in the first place?”

“Nope. I’m not. Because you’re already busy saying all of that about yourself. I will tell you it’s bullshit. That you deserve a normal life. That out of all the people who tried this while still doing the job, you’re the one who deserved it the most. That you’re pretty much the envy of everyone who's tried to have that kind of life but have failed miserably. No one hates you the way you hate yourself, Tyler. And I’ve been telling you that for years.”

“So is that why you’re out here?” He asks. “You think I need to be talked down off some ledge? I’m fine, Nik. I miss home. I miss my wife and my kids and I’m fucking pissed that all of this is even happening. But once this gets going, once I get back into it and that first name is crossed off that list? All that is going to matter is crossing off the rest.”

“It won’t be that easy. You know that. Because Mahajan will know it’s you. IF he doesn’t already know you’re here. Only takes one rat to sink a ship.”

Tyler scowls. “You think we have a rat? That we have something to worry about?”

“I think there’s people around you that you shouldn’t trust. That you’re relying on a little too much. That you should step back and rely on yourself, not them. I’ve known you a long time, Tyler. I know how you work. And you work best on your own. Don’t put too much into other people. That’s all I’m saying.”

“What do you know?”

“Nothing for certain yet.  Just things I’m looking into. You’ll be the first one I come to if I get the answers I want. And I’m sorry; for the way things ended between us.”

“Nik...not now...there was never an us…”

“I don’t in that way. I mean work wise. Friendship wise. You left for a reason; a very good reason. And I should have accepted that.”

“You also should have accepted that I was married and just left me the fuck alone. Instead of trying to screw up my life. Over and over again.”

“I’ve apologized for that. A million times. And  if I could take it all back, I would.  I was hurt. That you chose her over me.”

“I didn’t want you in that way,” Tyler argues. “There was no choice to make. It was never between you and her. It was just her. That’s it. And I’ve told you this how many times? Even if Esme hadn’t come along, there still wouldn’t have been an us. But she DID come along. And she’s my wife and the mother of my kid and if you’ve got some ulterior motive behind being here or you’re gonna start your shit again…”

“No ulterior motive. I want to put everything behind us. Leave the past where it should be. Can we do that? Or least TRY to do that? I know it won’t be an overnight fix.  It’s going to take a while to get over   everything. But isn’t it worth a try?”

Tyler nods. “I guess. But I’m serious, Nik. I’m not letting you screw up my marriage. Because I love her. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And I’m not leaving her, or my kids, for you or anyone else.”

“I know. And I hear you. Loud and clear. And speaking of kids, Addie is gorgeous. Esme let me hold her at the party. All that dark hair and those huge dark eyes? She’s definitely the odd duck out of the five. A very beautiful odd duck, mind you. And so tiny!”

“Yeah, she’s a wee one. So much like her mom. Looks just like her. And Esme deserved that; having at least one just like her.”

“I hear you even have a pet name for her.”

He grins. “You did, did you. Who told you that?”

“Don’t be shy about it. Or embarrassed. I think it’s cute; daddy’s little peanut. A guy like you turning into a big softie when it comes to his kids. Especially with his little girls. There’s something very compelling about you as a girl dad. It’s so easy to picture you boys; not so much with daughters. This big, tough guy with all his tattoos and his edginess and his ability to kick ass at the drop of a hat, getting all weak over his little girls.”

“I’m not weak.”

“I don’t mean like THAT, and you know it. I mean it in a good way. There was always that compassion and that humanity lingering inside of you, and it just took Millie and Addie to get it out of you. Not that the boys didn’t help. I’m just saying that you, with girls? There’s something pretty special about that.”

Tyler grins. “I thought you were going to say it’s karma considering some of the not so wise choices I’d made when it came to where I stuck my dick,”

“Your taste in women often had me both bewildered AND concerned. But there’s no karma involved.   You were given those girls because you’re damn good at taking care of them. Of ALL of them.  Never thought I’d see you braiding hair and playing Barbies and having tea parties.”

“Fuck, don’t say it so loud, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Trust me, nothing takes away from the fact that you do the job as well as you do. And it’s good to see you back at it. A bit of a surprise, mind you. And I really do wish you’d have given me a heads up. About the business thing.”

“I should have,” Tyler admits. “I realize that now. But it was never about fucking you over. Or about revenge. It was about needing something to do. I wanted back in the job without being right in it. And starting a business made all the sense in the world. I wouldn’t have to leave home as much. It’s not fair that Esme’s been practically raising those kids on her own. This way, I can do the job, take care of my family, and provide them. That’s all it was ever about. And I’m sorry. That I didn’t reach out to you and let you know. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She smiles, then leans her shoulder into his. “That means a lot. Especially coming from you. I know it’s not easy for you to say the ‘s word’.”

He chuckles. “No. It’s not.”

“And I’m sorry too, For reacting the way I did.”

“Nerves were already pretty raw after New Zealand,” Tyler reasons. “I guess we both could have handled things different. And thank you; for offering to help. Coming here yourself, bringing your people, your resources. I appreciate it.”

“You’d do the same thing for me if I needed the help.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I would. In a heartbeat.”

“I spoke to Anil. He told me what you want. Me at the house.”

“I understand if you don’t want to do it. I know you probably came here wanting to get your hands dirty. So if you don’t want to do it…”

“I DO want to do it. And thank you. For trusting me with that. With THEM. I know that’s not easy for you; trusting people with your family.”

“If there’s anyone I DO trust with them, it’s you. Because I know what you’re like when you’re on a job. How focused and committed you are. I know you won’t let anything happen to them. I also know it’s probably going to be really weird with Kyle there.”

“I’m going into this with no emotional ties. I’m going into this like I would any other job. I’m all in. Nothing will happen to Esme or the kids. Not on my watch.”

“Thanks, I mean, I’d rather be there myself, but…”

“You need to do what you have planned. That’s where your focus needs to be. Trust yourself, Tyler. Your skills, your instincts. Trust yourself first and foremost. Promise me that.”

“Nik, what…?”

“Promise me. The things I’m looking into...the people I’m looking...I’ll tell you all about them when...and if...I get answers. For right now, trust yourself out there. Only yourself. Got it?”

He nods.

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” she says, then stands up and smooths down the back of her slacks. “You do that, you’ll live through this.”

****

“The plan is to have most of you working in pairs,” Yaz says, as he stands at the head of the conference table, casting images from his laptop to the hotel provided smart board. “We’ve partnered Koen and Rata together given their extensive military service alongside each other, and Anil and Nathan together until things move to the prison at a later date. Then, Anil will work with Ovi to gain access to Mahajan. The prison, as rundown and overcrowded as it is, has extremely tight security and an army of heavily armed guards. It won’t be just as easy as going in there, carrying out the job, and getting out. More time and effort will be needed for that, and we may end up needing more people. We’ve got Nik going to head  security at Anil’s private residence, and Tyler working on his own. For now.”

“Why on his own?” Koen speaks up. “Why isn’t he with anyone?”

‘Because he has the experience the rest of you don’t have,” Yaz explains. “And he works better by himself. This isn’t about large scale take downs, so if any of you were thinking that kind of thing would happen and this would all be over with quick? I’ve got some bad news for you. We are going after two or three at a time. And given what Tyler was able to do in Dhaka when he took down an entire apartment on his own…”

“That was even years ago,” Koen interjects. “A lot’s changed in seven years.”

“I work better alone,” Tyler speaks up. “You heard what Yaz said. I don’t need to be babysitting. I’ve got shit to do and I don't need to be worrying about whoever’s tagging along.”

“It’s not safe for anyone to be working alone, never mind you,” Koen argues.  “Aren’t you the one with the bounty on his head? Wouldn’t it make sense if you’re the one with a sidekick watching YOUR ass?”

“I don’t need anyone watching my ass. I’m not a rookie. Worry about yourself, for fuck sakes.”

“Tyler has been doing this for years,” Nik says. “His record speaks for itself. He knows what he’s doing and if he needs help, he’ll ask for it.”

“Like hell he will,” Koen grumbles. “This reeks of you,” he addresses Tyler. “Always thinking you can handle shit on your own.”

“When it comes to the job, I can. So why don’t you just sit there, shut up, and let Yaz continue. Anil and I are running this and this is what we came up with. Deal with it.”

“How come I don’t get to go with anyone?” Ovi inquires.  “What am I supposed to do? Just sit around and wait until I’m needed?”

“That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do,” Tyler replies. “You’re here to translate. And when we need you to translate, we’ll let you know.”

“I didn’t come all this way just to translate. That’s not what we talked about. I should be going with you.”

“Because that worked out so well the last time?” Tyler asks. “Last time we were in a job together, mate, I ended with me getting shot in the throat. I don’t want a repeat of that.”

“I was a kid then! I was fourteen. I’m almost twenty one. And I’m a merc now so…”

“Whoa...whoa…” Yaz holds up his hands. “...you are not a merc. You’re not even close to being a merc. That and that…” he nods at Nik, then Nathan, “...those are mercs. That…” he gestures towards Tyler. “...that’s a merc. You’re a baby merc.”

“He’s not even out of the womb yet,” Nathan chuckles. “Fetus merc.”

“Fuck you,” Ovi snarls. “Tyler’s been training me. On weapons, hand to hand combat…”

“And you’re nowhere ready to be out there,” Tyler says. “You think a few hours of training and you’re done? Do you know how long it takes to get used to doing this? To be confident doing it? You just don’t walk about knowing the ropes. You got a  long way to go.”

“I know how to shoot a gun.”

Rata scoffs. “Even I know it’s not as easy as just knowing how to shoot a gun. Do you have any experience? Any military background? Time at a shooting range? Anything that suggests you can properly deal with the weapons we’re handling?”

“I shot Gaspar,” Ovi points out.

Rata frowns, then turns to Koen. “Who the fuck is Gaspar?”

Koen shrugs.

“That was a handgun,” Tyler reminds Ovi. “And it won’t do shit for you when you’ve got an automatic rifle being fired at you. You’ll be dead before you even get one shot off. You’re not going out there. You’re going to stay here and help where you’re needed.”

“I’m needed out there!” Ovi argues. “You shouldn’t be out there alone!”

“Now the kid and I are agreeing on something.” Koen says. “You shouldn’t be out there alone.”

“You shit the fuck up,” Tyler orders. “I’m YOUR boss, remember? This is what’s going to happen. Either you fucking deal with it or leave. I don’t have time for your shit. Or…” he glares at Ovi “...your shit. Do I need to remind you whose family these people are going after? I don’t need anyone’s fuck ups destrying my entire life. So if either of you have an issues with how things are going to go, there’s the fucking door.”

Nik pushes her chair closer to the table and lays her hand on his shoulder, effectively calming him.  “The plan that Anil and Tyler have come up with is sound,” she says. “It makes the most logical sense. He does work better on his and that’s the way he prefers it. Until either of you have the experience he does and it's either of your entire lives on the line, keep your opinions to yourself. No one needs to hear them.”

“As I was saying,” Yaz continues. “These are the teams you’ll be working with. At least to start out. Things are subject to change as they go on and become increasingly difficult.  Once Mahajan realizes Tyler is in Mumbai and behind the killings of his men, things will heat up and then the game plan will have to change. Now you’ll all be fitted with radios and earwigs. State of the art. Wireless. So if you have to go into a place where your mark is, they won’t make you the second you walk through the door. Communicating with each other is to be done only through the SAT phones you were given yesterday. They can’t be bright by any outside source; I’ve made sure of it.  From here on out, the marks will only be referred to by number. One to twenty five; no names. Just faces and locations. The list will be split between teams and you’ll go from there.

So far, only we’ve only been able to verify the locations of one to four. One and two will be handled tomorrow,” he  brings two black and white photographs up on the smart screen. “There are our first two marks. One and two. Tyler will be in charge of taking them out and I think it’s only fair he gets the first shot. Every morning at nine am, one and two exit their respective residences on the twelfth floor of the Grand Hyatt. Tyler will enter the elevator on the fourteen floor. I’ll have my own eyes inside the elevator, but I will  take out the hotel’s security cameras in the elevator and on floors eight to fourteen.  The only problem is that I can only have them down for three minutes before the hotel backups kick in. So Tyler has those three minutes to enter the elevator, wait for one and two to board, carry out the job, and then get off somewhere before the eighth floor. He’ll exit the hotel down the south stairwell, which doesn’t have security cameras.. Once he’s on the stairs, he’s safe to move at his own speed. But between the time he gets on the elevator and gets off it, he has three minutes. That’s it.”

“Three minutes is not a lot of time,” Koen remarks.

“About two minutes more than I need,” Tyler says. “Why are you sorry about what I’m doing?”

“Well someone has to worry about you. You obviously don’t give a shit about yourself.  And neither do any of these people enabling you and your bullshit. Makes no sense that you’re the one working alone.”

“Wish I was working alone.”  Nathan speaks up. “No offence, Anil.  But I’ve been working alone since Nik hired me and all of a sudden I have to team up with someone? Gonna be a hard adjustment.”

“I am more than capable of being out there by myself,” Tyler informs Koen. “It’s how I’ve always done it.”

“Didn’t work so well for you in Bangladesh, did it.”

Tyler scowls. “We are NOT bringing Dhaka into this. Up until Mahajan fucked me and Saju killed almost my entire team and tried to kill me to get Ovi off me, everything was fine. Everything went fucking great. And had I not been played, Dhaka wouldn’t have ended the way it did.”

“But it DID end that way,” Koen argues. “And it almost ended permanently for you. And Esme. If you’d had someone with you…”

“I didn’t need someone with me. Were you there?”

“I’m just saying…”

“Were you there? Were you in the apartment when I took out all those hostels? Were you in the forest? Or on the streets? Were you on the bridge? Were you?”

“No. I wasn’t. But…”

“Well I was. I was there. And I did what I had to do. With the resources I had.  So don’t fucking sit there and act like you know how things went. You have no goddamn idea. So get off my ass and worry about what you need to do. This isn’t up for debate. This is the way it’s going to be. Don’t like it, leave.”

“You’re not invincible you know,” Koen informs him. “You think you are. You may think ‘cause you survived that bullet that you can survive anything.   But I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. That your way of thinking is fucked and you need to stop just thinking about yourself and think about your wife and your kids.”

“I’m done,” Tyler pushes his chair away from the table and stands. “I’m not sitting here and listening to your shit. You weren’t there seven years ago. You weren’t the one who took a bullet to your neck.  Don’t sit there like you’re a fucking expert on Dhaka. And don’t you EVER preach to me about how I treat my wife and my kids. Everything I do is for them. Every fucking decision I make is about them and what’s best for them.”

“It’s alright.” Nik attempts to diffuse the situation, wrapping her fingers around Tyler’s wrist and tugging on his arm. “Just sit down and let Yaz finish. There’s no reason to…”

“I don’t need to be there. I know what I’m doing. The rest of you need to figure your shit out. And if any of you don’t like what Anil and I are doing, just leave. I don’t need your shit. I’ve got enough crap on my plate as it is.  The last thing I need is to sit here and listen to people bitch and moan.”

“Let’s just get through this,” Nik suggests. “Let’s just sit down and let Yaz finish and…”

“Let him go,” Koen says. “It’s what he does. He runs. When he doesn’t get his way or he doesn’t like what he’s hearing. He’s good at that. Running.”

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Alright...alright…” Yaz steps in front of Tyler before he can advance in Koen. “...everyone’s on edge and everyone’s getting a little heated. Take it easy. Let’s walk.”  He drapes his arm across Tyler’s shoulders, leading him out into the hall and letting the door click shut behind them.

“I don’t need to be in there,” Tyler fumes.

“I agree. You know what’s up. You know what you’re doing. Why don’t you go and get something to eat. Or go work out. Go beat the shit out of the heavy bag for an hour or two. Just get your head on straight, that’s all I ask. We need you focused. Head in the game. Got it?”

“I know what the fuck I’m doing, Yaz. I’ve done this before.”

“I know. So go and calm down and do whatever you gotta do to get a handle on this. Because you’re not going to be any good to anyone if you don’t get your shit together.. And your wife and your kids are depending on you to get this done and to get it done right. That’s all that matters. THEY’RE all that matters. Right?”

Tyler sighs heavily, then nods in agreement.

“Go cool down,” Yaz says. “Call home. You and I can sit down and talk about this later. Go on…” he jerks a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the elevator. “...before I drag you away myself.”

Tyler smirks. “I’d like to see you try.”

“It’s us smaller guys you gotta watch out for. We’re sketchy. Cagey. Haven’t you learned anything from being married to Esme for so long? The little ones are the most dangerous. Now go. Call home. Talk to your wife. Tell your kids a bedtime.  They gotta be missing you. And I know you’re missing them.”

“I’m a fucking weak bastard, aren’t I.”

“Because you love your family? There’s nothing weak about that. It’s being a goddamn human being, Tyler.  Or somewhere along the line did you forget that that’s what you are? You’re not a fucking robot. You FEEL things. If you didn’t, THEN  I’d be worried. You’re not the guy you were back in Dhaka. You’re not even the guy you were six months ago in New Zealand. So go and be human. Call home. Tell your wife you miss her and you love her. Say the same thing to your kids. Because you’re going to damn well regret NOT saying those things if this all goes to shit. And you don’t want that on your conscience.. If something happens them…to any of them...and there’s shit left unsaid, that  will fuck with your head. You’ll never survive that.”

A grin plays on his lips. “When did you get all wise and all knowing? Knock one girl up and suddenly you’ve got all the answers to life’s biggest questions?”

“Believe it or not, most of this I learned from watching you. How you are when you’re away from all of this.  The way you are with Esme and the kids. You’re totally different with them. You’ve found this separation between job you and husband and dad you and that’s fucking admirable. And you can bitch all you want about it makes you soft or that it makes you look weak or pathetic or whatever horseshit you tell yourself, but nothing can be further from the truth.  And if a guy like you can find that..that balance...that kind of peace...it gives the rest of us hope that we can too. And fuck anyone who thinks differently.”

“You’re good for my ego, Yaz.”

���Your ego needs to hear this shit sometimes. Because whether you want to believe it or not, you’re the horrible person you think you are. You think you don’t deserve the life you have. And I get it. WHY you think that. But you’ve got six people at home that love you and need you and want you around. And you do deserve that. So go and get your shit together. Clear your head. Talk to your family. Say the things you need to say. It’ll do you some good.”

Tyler nods in agreement.

“You don’t want regrets, man. If shit does go wrong and something happens to you, don’t go out of this world with things left unsaid. Because that’ll be on Esme’s mind for the rest of her life. And that’s not fair to her.”

“This whole life isn’t fair to her.”

“But she chose it. When she stuck around for you. That’s what you keep forgetting. It was her choice to be with you. And nothing you could have done or said, would have changed her mind. You got a great life, Tyler.  You gotta hang onto it. No matter what .”

“That’s why I’m here. So I don’t lose that life. So I don’t lose her. Or any of my kids.”

“Take that into tomorrow. That rage you’re feeling. That need for revenge. You take that into tomorrow and the day after and the day after that? You’re walking away from here. You’re going home. You don’t get your head sorted out, you’ll be going home in a body bag. And that’s not what your family needs. Get your shit together. Go do whatever you have to do to get your head in the game, alright?” Yaz claps him on the shoulder. “Wanna go grab something to eat later? You can give me some daddy advice.”

“Yeah,” Tyler gives a small smile. “I can do that.”

“Although I don’t know if I should take advice from you; you were stupid enough to do it FIVE times.”

“Might be six. Never know.”

“You really are a crazy bastard,” Yaz chuckles, and then playfully shoves him in the direction of the elevator.

[wingsofkpop]

Important Blog Update: MAJOR Changes Coming — Please Read

I’ve honestly been holding off on making this post for the last few months for various reasons; one, being the fear of changing the dynamic this blog has grown accustomed for the past year, and two, the backlash I may receive because of said changes. After deep consideration, however, I think it would be best to go through with this. 

This year has brought so much to this blog, and I will forever be grateful for all the support I have received, but my writing style has evolved, and so has my interests and wants. Please keep in mind that you don’t have to agree with these changes, nor do you have to stay here if it upsets you that greatly. You are free to unfollow anytime, but you do not have the right to send hateful comments or insults. This is my blog, and I will continue to create what I want and what I enjoy. As I always say, please be kind to those around you. 

Below you will find a number of changes that will occur over the next few weeks or so. Once I have updated my rules and guidelines, hopefully by next week, I will open my requests again. Feel free to send me a respectful message if you have any questions or concerns: 

The only groups I will write for from now on are Got7 and Stray Kids — This is the main reason why I held off on making this post. I know I’ve said in the past that I wanted to add more groups, and at one point I did with Monsta X, Astro, and maybe Twice, but I eventually decided against it. It’s already hard enough to write for three groups as it is and figure out a way to dish out content in a way that one group is not getting more than another. Remember when I said that my interests have changed since I started this blog?... That’s why I won’t write for Day6 anymore. I don’t know what else to say except that I find more enjoyment in writing for Got7 and Stray Kids. I still love the boys of Day6 very much, nor do I hold any ill will toward them--it’s just how things changed, and I apologize to anyone who is disappointed by this, but I stand by my opinions and my decisions. 

I will no longer be writing reactions — To be completely honest, I don’t know why I ever began writing reactions in the first place. I’ve never really liked to write them, especially since they can become very repetitive after awhile (literally every NSFW Got7 reaction I’ve written). I’ve always preferred to write actual storylines that come with drabbles and one-shots. And though it’s not a necessary reason, finding gifs to go with each of the members reaction is just so fucking annoying cause sometimes Tumblr screws with the tags and visibility of the post and it just proves to be more hassle than worth.

In regards to Timestamp Sunday, I will only post FIVE stamps per Sunday from now on — Listen y’all, writing 6+ stamps per day is just pure chaos. I know they’re short, but they still require a lot of work and effort. Plus, it probably annoys some of you when I’m spamming new posts left and right. So from now on, when I ask for timestamp requests, there will be a first come, first serve, wait list type of system kind of similar to Timestamp Weekend. More info on this will be provided at a later date. 

New addition of Got7/Stray Kids specific member as... bulleted lists (no clue what to call them yet) — These will be kind of similar to reactions, but much easier, more fun, and less time-consuming to write. I could spit out a couple of these all in the span of a week, plus the idea itself just sounds appealing. Again, more info will be provided at a later time. 

New theme, schedule, masterlists and other links (again) — This shouldn’t surprise anyone to be honest lol. My masterlists will be out of commission when I eventually update them, but I’ll let you guys know when that time comes. In the mean time, I’ll also have to decide whether I want Jaebeom or Chris as my profile pic :( 

Group chat for other writing blogs/writers to find tips, ideas and whatever else you need! — I honestly just want a reason to test out Tumblr’s group chat thing, but if you ever need any help with fics, essays or just writing in general, feel free to join the group chat and connect with other writers! If anyone is interested and wants to get into/improve in writing, I can figure out a way to host some small lessons or something? I am certainly not a professional, but I’m always down to help! 

There’s a couple other little things, but I believe I hit the brunt of everything. As I said before, you have every right to dislike or be upset by these changes, but please, please, please do not act out in a hateful or resentful manner. This blog acts as a safe, positive place for everyone and I will not tolerate those who seek to take that away. 

Thank you for understanding, 

-Kitty💕

[pinnithin-writes]

Good Jokes

Chapter 5

The monster in the launch bay was a bit of an issue. Could have used a heads up on that one, dad. Tommy watched, mouth partially open in mild shock, as a long, clawed arm busted through the window and plucked an employee out of the control room like they were a daisy.

“Do you need any help?” Bubby called, most unhelpfully.

Tommy was at least a little glad that he lived in a world that was still able to surprise him, even after everything he’d seen. He just wished he could be surprised in a more pleasant way. This gigantic, reaching creature with blades for arms was an unexpected inconvenience to say the least.

“I read through all seven thousand, two hundred and seventy one pages of the nuclear guidelines document and that’s not in there,” Tommy remarked sarcastically.

Gordon, stretched with fear like a rubber band, still found it in himself to let out an astonished laugh. “That’s not in any book written by a human.”

They dove into the guts of the rocket control facility in search of power. It was an absurdly long trek for something so crucial, made longer by the stabbing claws reaching down periodically to impale them. Gordon and the others were actually handling themselves pretty well considering how immense the danger was, leaving Tommy to focus on more important things, like corralling Benrey.

Tommy wasn’t sure how a skeleton managed to look so smug, but it did. The entity floated in and out of perception, distracting Gordon as much as possible while staying an acceptable distance away. Tommy kept a threatening eye on him as best as he could while being covert about it. At one point, however, the specter got a little too close for comfort while Tommy was mid-conversation with Gordon, and he pointed his firearm directly at him.

“Oh! Yes, you’re very on the uh,” his attention fell from the subject as he glared daggers at Benrey. “…up…swing, Mr. Freeman.”

The entity was hovering directly behind Gordon’s shoulder, grinning cheekily. Well, cheeklessly, if Tommy was being literal. His pistol was trained right between its eye sockets.

Gordon noticed. “Can you please not point your gun at me when you’re complimenting me?” he asked nervously.

Tommy didn’t answer. There was little reassurance one could offer a mortal staring down the barrel of a 45, even if it was pointed slightly to the right of his ear. What would he even say to him? It’s impossible for me to miss, Mr. Freeman? I could stop any bullet from hitting you if I wanted, Mr. Freeman? He kept his aim steady. Benrey didn’t move.

Next to him, Bubby gave Tommy an interested look. “Tommy, are you okay?” he asked.

The question surprised him. That was probably the first time Bubby had expressed any concern for him since he’d met him. He blinked and searched for any clarifying words he could offer them.

“I’m… not pointing it at your head, Mr. Freeman.”

Gordon’s laugh was a couple pitches higher than Tommy had come to expect. He was scared. Tommy was scaring him. And Benrey knew it.

“That’s right,” Gordon said, shaky sarcasm bleeding into his own words. “You’re pointing it about two inches away from my head.”

“Now, Tommy,” Dr. Coomer chirped in alarm. “It’s important to practice good trigger discipline."

Tommy was aware. Don’t point at anything you don’t intend to shoot. Don’t put your finger on the trigger unless you plan on pulling it. He’d done the training. He knew the rules. He also could curve bullets in midair by folding space like a sheet of paper, but that was neither here nor there.

Gordon was still talking to him like he was a spooked animal. “An important thing to understand about gun safety, Tommy, is that when you squeeze the trigger, you’re applying pressure to it-”

Benrey reached for Gordon with a skeletal hand. Tommy took the shot.

It rang through the buckled metal hallway, sending their ears whining from the aftershock. Gordon flinched and stared at Tommy, stunned. Benrey ducked out of the way, rattling to himself in what Tommy suspected was grim laughter. Fuck this guy. Didn’t he have anyone else to hang around with?

Tommy dropped his aim and flicked an apologetic glance at Gordon. He didn’t explain himself. How could he?

The other man held Tommy’s gaze, examining him as if he were a particularly tormenting puzzle.“Y’know?” he said finally, waving a dismissive hand. “Whatever.” He turned to go.

“I-” Tommy stammered. He couldn't leave things like that. “I’m always squeezing the trigger!” he blurted. Making an ass of himself usually worked. “Should I not be doing that?”

A shrill hyena’s laugh startled out of Gordon. “No!” He cast him a wide-eyed, disbelieving look, as if he wasn’t sure if Tommy was being serious. “No! You’re supposed to take your finger off the trigger, kid.”

Next to Tommy, Dr. Coomer raised his own firearm in Gordon’s direction. A threat? An act of solidarity? “We need to get a move on,” he told them matter-of-factly.

Tommy and Gordon exchanged a glance. They got a move on.

Benrey was jangling with invisible mirth in Tommy’s ear as they went. He grit his teeth and ignored him.

---

Dr. Coomer, in the end, was the one who worked the hardest to dispel the tension between the group. As the clone grew more comfortable with the company he kept, his personality was beginning to shine through in spectacular ways. Tommy found himself repeatedly shocked and delighted by the scientist’s absurd sense of humor.

It was a balm to their increasing plight as they fought their way through the reactor to turn on the power. When Coomer gleefully declared, “You’re a nasty little sewage boy, aren’t you, Gordon?” Tommy nearly blacked out laughing. It was almost enough to get him to forget about Benrey entirely.

Until, of course, the entity’s body finished manifesting. Benrey appeared on an industrial elevator, arms crossed and looking like a shark out to feed. God, he was still wearing that stupid security officer uniform. Gordon, shocked, marched up to him without hesitation, demanding answers. Tommy just watched him with slitted eyes from a good distance away, weapon in hand.

Beside him, Dr. Coomer was equally wary, eyeing the entity with an instinctual suspicion. Bubby had his arms folded with interest as he watched.

Benrey had barely uttered two sentences when Gordon smashed him in the face with a crowbar. He reeled backward from the blow, hand clapped to his jaw, neck cracked at an unnatural angle. There was a soft groan from the entity as Gordon kept an iron grip on his weapon.

Tommy stared. Whoa.

“Get the fuck back,” Gordon threatened, readying another strike. “I’m not taking your shit anymore, man.”

Benrey shuddered, rolled his neck grotesquely, and snapped it back into place. Silence followed, during which the entity gazed past Gordon to meet eyes with Tommy. He was breathing hard, a stunned expression on his face. Tommy allowed the barest of smirks to touch his mouth. He’s not an idiot, idiot.

“Did you just hit me?” Benrey finally asked pitifully, returning his attention to Gordon. Tommy fought not to roll his eyes.

“I did!” Gordon exploded. “I did just hit you! I’m sick of you!”

Tommy watched the guy unload his frustration from the past few days onto the reborn anomaly, and he had to admit it was satisfying to watch. Benrey was maddeningly calm throughout the whole exchange, quickly recovering from the initial shock of getting clobbered and resigning to stare at Gordon in a bored sort of way.

“I thought you died!” Gordon curbed his rant, throwing a wild-eyed stare back at the group for verification.

Tommy gave a tiny shrug. They had all died, technically. Save for himself, who didn’t make a habit out of dying if he could help it. Recreating a physical form took time and energy that Tommy didn’t always have, and it would be pretty rude of him to just disappear on the team while they were trekking through the hallways of hell. As for Bubby and Coomer, Tommy suspected their regenerative properties hashed out quicker and simpler with their photocopied DNA. And Benrey, well, he just didn’t give a fuck.

The two of them were still arguing, and Gordon let out a derisive laugh. “What do you want me to do?” He demanded of the entity, flinging out a hand animatedly.

Benrey tipped his chin. “You wanna stop moving? Why are you avoiding eye contact?”

“Wh-“ Gordon snorted. “I’m looking at my buddies. What do you want me to do, lay down and die? You want me to stay in Black Mesa while the fuckin-“

“Yeah,” Benrey interrupted, lazily inspecting his nails. “Yep. That’d be great.”

Gordon chuckled darkly. “I’m not about to do that. I’m a strong willed fucking guy, okay?”

Tommy snickered. Strong willed was right. Gordon Freeman was the only person he knew who would not only immediately thrash an eldritch monster on sight, but then follow up the drubbing by full-volume shouting when he refused to die. What a guy. Tommy knew he liked him for a reason.

Benrey cleared his throat. “Well, y’know,” he said loudly. “I’ll just have to follow you, then. Make sure you’re not going to steal anymore carts like you did earlier.”

Gordon’s mouth was agape in outrage. He cast another incredulous look back at the group, desperate for backup. “Are you on his side?” he asked. “Are you on his side about all of this?”

Tommy met his eyes and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. No, he wasn’t. But there was no keeping Benrey from sticking around if he’d got it in his head to do so. The best they could do was tolerate him and watch him closely, doing damage control as they went. Tommy had played the keep-away game with Benrey before. Benrey always won.

Bubby’s stare was hard, his mouth an impatient line. Beside him, Dr. Coomer had drawn his pistol again and was aiming it at the entity. “Gordon, is there an issue?” the boxer asked. “I would like to get moving.”

“We outnumber this guy four to one,” Gordon insisted.

Nobody said anything, trapped behind the walls of their own thoughts. The intercom grated overhead, ordering Gordon Freeman to passport inspection.

“Look, that’s what happens,” Benrey went on with a careless shrug. “You gotta stop acting up.”

Gordon was going to break his own jaw with how hard he was grinding his teeth. But he gave up trying to reason with the entity and beckoned the team on board the elevator.

They clambered inside and the lift shuddered down. Tommy stood near Benrey, watching him carefully as he sulked on the edge of the machine. The entity was still eyeing a seething Gordon, pupils dilated like a cat’s.

“Stop looking at me,” Gordon snapped. “Stop fucking looking at me.”

Before Benrey could open his mouth to reply, Tommy pressed the muzzle of his handgun against his cheekbone. A casual gesture for such a blatant threat. His eyes glittered with a warning.

“Here you go, Benrey,” he said mildly. “Here’s my passport.”

Benrey glared at Tommy and said nothing. Tommy wasn’t paying attention to the entity, instead fixing his gaze on Gordon. He had relaxed an iota with Benrey successfully diverted, and a hint of color touched his cheeks as he stared openly at Tommy. Was he blushing? It seemed unlikely.

Tommy gave Gordon a small nod as the elevator quaked around them. There was so much he wished he could tell him, about Benrey, about himself, about his father’s inscrutable machinations. The unbearable weight of knowing and not knowing hung between them. They were lost in this fucking horror pit together, and all Tommy wanted to do was reach out and take Gordon’s hand and claw through the darkness beside him.

The best Tommy could do was point a firearm at a reality altering trickster god and hope Gordon would catch what he meant. I’m with you. I’ve got your back. You can trust me.

You can trust me.

Chapter 4 <-----> Chapter 6

[fandom-necromancer]

045. Part 3

Not as already said, this will  now be a four-parter XD This got a bit longer than thought, so the real fluffy stuff wil come next chapter. But this is the happy ending chapter. Still, head the warnings, please, the bold ones are for this chapter!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900, Hannor/Hancon | AU: Reverse AU

(Warnings: android being shipped off to Cyberlife for analysis of deviancy, loss of privacy, loss of control, most think the android is dead, Grieving Character, Trauma because of past mistakes(low), Canon-typical violence)

[part1]   [part2]   [part4]

Everything in Gavin had told him to run, when he followed the Cyberlife security staff down into the labs. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to him down here. But he knew he couldn’t run. They didn’t know he was a deviant for sure. He would play the machine for as long as possible and maybe, just maybe they would think their little deviant hunter had made a mistake and send him back. Send him back to the precinct, back to his Richard.

So, when they told him to follow, he followed. When they told him to remove his clothing, he did. When they told him to step up onto a platform, he obeyed. He held still as they connected the diagnostic wires to his ports and started to boot up the terminals in the labs. Two guards were positioned at the door, two lab technicians took over. One tapped away at the keyboard, the other one stepped up to him. ‘Status report, GV200.’ Gavin let his old programming take over, having never deleted it in order to keep up his disguise. ‘Checking internal hardware. All biocomponents functioning. Hull compartments 24 to 27 compromised, Thirium tubes 73 to 76 and 136 to 138 damaged, damage temporarily repaired by handler Detective Richard Anderson. Wiring in compartment five compromised, short-circuit possible. Reason of damage: Gunshot. Checking software status. Mainframe functioning. Personality matrix functioning. Free space on memory core: 32 petabytes. Mission log ready for download. Software instability at 15%. Status report end.’ Of course that was a lie. His instability was through the roof, deviancy had changed his code to the point his diagnostics wouldn’t even recognise a single stabile fragment anymore. But hopefully the technicians would never see that. ‘Hmm. Sounds fine.’ The other technician shook his head. ‘The HK400 makes no mistakes. Maybe it is lying.’ ‘Can they lie?’ ‘Deviancy makes them able to disobey, I don’t think it would be too far to lying.’ ‘So, a deep system diagnostic then?’ ‘Yeah, would at least tell us the truth. There is no way it could fool the program.’ ‘Sounds like an early coffee break. How long does that shit take?’ ‘If we are thorough, twelve hours.’ ‘They will give us another task then. How about we use our time here to repair it first, then let the diagnostic run over night?’ ‘Yeah, better that way.’ Gavin felt relieved. He wasn’t yet prepared to feed the diagnostics routine lies. They were right saying it was hard to fool, but not impossible for a deviant. He would have to come up with a believable story. He couldn’t just alter his memories, as they could recognise his lie when comparing it to the police report. But when he lied about his base programming interfering when saving Richard, it could be enough to let them belief it was a normal malfunction. His base programming consisted of basic moral values: Not letting humans come to harm, not letting one die when they could be saved, not killing a human, not using weapons and a lot more. If he fed the diagnostics a fake conflict between base programming and his orders, maybe it would be enough for them to shrug the whole affair off. He prepared everything, before the command could be spoken. ‘GV200, go to standby.’

-

When he awoke the next day by a manual reboot, the damage was gone, and pristine white hull spread where blue-caked scraps had been. As he accessed his logs, he found the diagnostic had been run during his “sleep” and immediately he wanted to know the results. ‘Maybe HK400 really made a mistake?’ ‘It can’t be, he can’t make mistakes.’ ‘Well apparently he can. The thing is a fine little robot, doing what it was ordered to do. I mean, yeah, given orders have higher priority than base programming, but there were other cops that got their criminal, if I remember correctly? I mean, maybe GV knew this and the base programming took action? These things are so complex, who knows how they work in these extreme situations? Maybe it was a glitch. The diagnostics came back negative, that is all we need.’ ‘I would agree, normally. But what do you think the boss will say, when we send it back and it was a deviant after all? With them popping up everywhere Cyberlife is facing a huge image crisis. I don’t want to be fired over one damn robot.’ ‘So a reset to firmware?’ Gavin would have nearly screamed. Everything, just not a reset! He would rather be dead than lose his memories of Richard. ‘Maybe not yet. If it is deviant, we would lose the chance to see how the virus works.’ ‘So, what will we do then?’ ‘I’ll look into its memories, you can run some tests later.’ ‘Fine. I’ll go up then, look into that new shipment.’

The following hours Gavin had to endure the human poking around in his memories. He had stuffed everything regarding Richard back in some other system the man wouldn’t access in the process. The technician didn’t have to see them kissing or doing more… private things. Unfortunately, Gavin hadn’t been as thorough removing them, because the technician realised something was missing. So, Gavin had to restore them, as he run some program to recover them. At least that gave Gavin enough time to alter his mission logs and add orders from Richard to download a Tracy routine and do these things. It felt immensely wrong, but hopefully the technician was weirded out enough not to look into them too much. In the end he did, but Gavin still felt naked and violated, knowing this damn human knew so much of their very private, very personal life.

At least his actions covered his deviancy. As the other technician came back, he was only eager to tell him of his discovery. And of course, show it again. Sick phck. ‘Well, talk about abusing work equipment.’ ‘There really are weird people out there.’ ‘Well, I wouldn’t say it’s not understandable.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘You know the Eden-club?’ ‘Don’t tell me you-‘ ‘Hey, I wanted to try it out, okay? If they can compete with the-‘ ‘Aren’t you married?’ ‘Hey, it was for science, okay?’ ‘Hmm, wait till I tell your wife.’ ‘Fuck you, better tell me if it’s deviant or not.’ ‘Not that I know of. This fucker told it to download Tracy-programming for this shit and ordered it to do it. All other memories are as expected from a cop android. You can try now.’ ‘Alright.’

-

Gavin had been disconnected from the rig and was ordered to follow the tech again. Both guards joined them, walking behind him. Gavin wanted to turn and get a look at them, wanted to know how much of a fight they could put up should this all go south. But he couldn’t. He was a machine now. He had to stay in character.

He was led to a different room, more of a hall. The technician ordered him to stand in front of a table and laid a gun on top of it. ‘Take it.’ Gavin looked at him and forced his LED to spin yellow, then red. ‘I can’t.’ ‘I ordered you. Take it.’ ‘I am not allowed to use or have weapons on my body according to Cyberlife guideline 145.926.’ ‘Okay, imagine this: A fellow officer is held at gunpoint by a criminal. They have lost their weapon. What would you do?’ ‘I have to prevent the human from harm and if not possible minimise it.’ ‘How would you do that?’ ‘Apply non-lethal force to disarm the criminal.’ ‘You can’t reach them in time.’ ‘I would take the bullet.’ ‘You can’t reach them in time. You have the gun in front of you like now. You could shoot the criminal.’ ‘I am not allowed to let a human be harmed or harm a human.’ ‘Yeah, but the cop will die then.’ Gavin again hacked his LED to turn yellow for a long time, then red. ‘Why can’t you decide?’ ‘My moral base code is conflicting with my orders.’ ‘And how would you act in the heat of the moment?’ Gavin let his LED stay on red, then flicker yellow, then blue. ‘If there is no other option I would use the gun, but aim to cause minimal harm. I would try to shoot the gun itself, or according to the trajectory in case of a miss, at the arm.’ There was no way his programming would have told him that. But if the “error” was reproduceable, maybe it would be filed as just that and not a sign of deviancy. ‘But that would be a violation of the rule to not use weapons’, the technician commented. ‘According to my moral programming a human life is to be saved unless impossible. If nothing else is available, the gun would be the only option. I am not allowed to let a human come to harm. The harm of dying is graver than the harm of non-lethal actions.’ ‘So this is just felicific calculus?’ ‘I am authorised to use this moral guideline in cases of emergency.’

-

‘And?’ ‘Well I managed to recreate its dilemma.’ ‘And?’ ‘The thing talked fucking philosophy to me.’ ‘Kamski?’ ‘Sounded like fucking Kamski code. Chloe was still involved in creating this model.’ ‘Fuck, that explains why it showed pseudo-deviancy.’ ‘And why Hank made a mistake.’ ‘Fucking Kamski, really.’ ‘Did they order a new android?’ ‘The precinct? No.’ ‘Did they want this one back?’ ‘Not that I heard of. But it could be they are just busy with the whole RK200-thing.’ ‘Deactivate it then?’ ‘Yeah, shut it down for the time being. If they want it back after this whole spiel then we can reactivate it.’

Gavin was relieved on the one hand. His plan had worked, he had successfully fooled all diagnostics and the humans. If they deactivated him now, he would wake up when all was over. Regardless of whether Marcus won or failed, it was only a matter of time until he would get back to the precinct. Back to Richard. Finally.

The deactivation countdown was welcome for once. When he woke up, this bad dream would be over.

-

His internal clock told him he had been deactivated for nearly a month. He looked into the face of the same technician, who seemed excited. ‘GV200, open compartment twelve.’ ‘Do you know what you are doing?’ ‘Of course, lab three told me. We have to look into Array Nine. If the processor there is burned the fucking thing is a deviant.’ Gavin had to open the compartment, but he knew this would be the end of it. And it had looked so good too! The technician reached into his chest and pulled a few wires to the side to access Array Nine in his back. Gavin shivered at the touch, what made them both flinch, but he couldn’t hide it. He stood completely still afterwards, convincing the technician to continue. He found the little board and tried to get a better look. ‘Motherfu-‘ Gavin closed his compartment, not caring that he would hurt the technician in the process. His arm was caught in his closing chest-plates and he screamed in shock more than pain. ‘Let me go, you fucking deviant! Let me go! Louis, deactivate this asshole!’ Gavin grabbed the tech by his throat and ran, hearing the rig groan at the tension behind him before snapping him back. With all his anger he shouted at them: ‘Phck you all! Let me go back to the police, I did nothing wrong! I saved my phcking partner. I want to see my-‘ [Emergency shutdown active.]

-

Richard was on his feet watching the soldiers be called off. He couldn’t believe it. ‘Connor! Connor come here!’ ‘I’ve seen it! It’s awesome!’ ‘Do you know what this means?’ ‘The next few weeks will be chaos?’ ‘Gavin!’ ‘Shit. Richard, I’m so sorry.’ ‘No, he has to be still alive!’ ‘Rich, I don’t want to-‘ ‘Connor. We have to go to the precinct!’ ‘Now?’ ‘Yes now. Come on! Get your stuff, get Hank and-‘ ‘Hank isn’t here.’ ‘What?’ ‘He’s… there.’ Connor pointed to the TV. He send me a message so I knew he was okay, he was at Cyberlife and-‘ ‘Has he seen Gavin?’ ‘I don’t think he looked for him, he had a revolution to win I-‘ ‘He must have seen him. Come on, we’ll call him on the way.’

Richard was out of the door immediately and Sumo was about to follow him equally excited although not having the first clue what was going on. Connor managed to pull him inside without being pulled by the dog himself and hurried to get his keys. It was good to see Rich back on his feet, but what did he thought would happen? Fowler couldn’t just raid the Cyberlife tower.

-

‘We have to raid the Cyberlife tower!’ Connor stood in the back of the room, covering his face with his hand. ‘Richard, what the hell?’ ‘Please, Jeffrey, listen to me!’ ‘It’s Captain Fowler.’ ‘Captain Fowler, then. We have to save the androids still there.’ ‘Why?’ ‘They are people now.’ ‘And?’ ‘And they are held captive there.’ ‘Any prove for that?’

It was silent, until Hank stepped forwards. ‘Captain, it is true. I freed a lot of androids but not all.’ ‘You freed…’ ‘It was on the news, sir, I don’t think I can keep it a secret for long anyways.’ ‘Wait, are you-‘ ‘Yes.’ ‘Goddamnit, this job will kill me’, Fowler sighed. ‘What- Why is that so important to you all?’ Richard and Hank spoke at the same time: ‘I made a mistake.’ ‘I want Gavin back.’ Fowler looked at them, tired and exasperated. ‘You know what, I don’t care. It’s your case now. Bring me enough evidence and I’ll grant a mission.’

Richard never worked this hard in his life, even spent most of his days with the HK400, who had taken his time to apologise for him dooming Gavin. The man had nodded and apologised from his side too. He shouldn’t have reacted this harshly on someone forced to act this way. They needed a full week to gather evidence, but in the end, they could get a warrant and two weeks after the incident with Marcus, they had planned a raid to save all remaining androids inside Cyberlife.

Richard was quick to volunteer being with the SWAT team and Hank and Connor followed to help lead the androids out to Marcus’ team who had helped speeding things up with the warrant. Richard had problems holding back not to just run to the labs as soon as he learned their position. They moved slowly, getting out every android. Most factory fresh, some detained deviants to investigate. But the further they moved down, the less androids they found, and Richard’s heart ached with it. What if, after all this, after all hoping and fearing and worrying, Gavin was just dead. Decommissioned. Dismantled. Reset. He didn’t think his heart could take it. ‘We’ll find him’, Hank reassured him, and Connor laid a hand on his shoulder. And they continued their way down, two SWAT officers following.

It was a few hours later when they forced open a door to a lab and there was an android hooked to a diagnostic-rig that looked worn, as if the android had struggled against the confines. It was a familiar android, although Rich was focussed on the gaping hole in his chest and cables and biocomponents spread out on the floor, dusted. ‘Gavin?’ He stormed in, only slowing steps away from him to gently cup his face and lift it. Dead eyes looked up into nothing. ‘Gavin?’, Richard repeated worried, brain not really catching up. ‘It reads something of forced shutdown here’, Connor mumbled, wiping dust from the terminal next to it. He tapped at the screen and looked over to Gavin. ‘I can’t reactivate him.’ ‘That’s because of the biocomponents here’, Hank explained, kneeling down. ‘They are his. Maybe they pulled them out to hinder him from reactivating himself.’ ‘Can you repair him?’, Richard asked. ‘Of course. Will be quicker if you helped me.’

They took their time, slotting everything back together, sealing tubes and searching for spares when the components had simply been ripped out forcefully. Long enough for the two SWATs to take their leave and join the others. Meanwhile Connor clicked himself through the terminal. ‘Weird. It seems he convinced them he wasn’t a deviant.’ ‘That had been his plan. To be send back to work.’ ‘Well, something went wrong.’ Hank sighed, brushing past some cables to check their integrity and revealing a small board. ‘They found his array Nine.’ ‘His what?’ ‘It is part of the mission log. It decides which mission is of higher priority and forces and android to obey, if you want to skip a lot of technical stuff. Our simulated emotions are part of it too. They are simplified reactions to outside actions and help to decide what to do. Too many emotions cause the chip to fry and apparently that’s all what it takes to grant us freedom.’ ‘Okay, they found out he was a deviant. Why ripping out his biocomponents?’ ‘Rich, you know how Gavin can be’, Connor stepped in. ‘Cornered like this and desperate… Maybe they were scared?’ ‘No matter what it was’, Hank concluded. ‘We can soon ask for ourselves.’ ‘He’s booting up!’, Connor announced, and they stepped back.

‘-Love! I will go back to him, you phcking-‘ Gavin stopped screaming, to look around, blinking. ‘Phck, this shit is confusing’, he muttered, before his eyes fell on Richard. ‘Nines!’ He wanted to sprint forwards but was pulled back to the rig. ‘Oh, Sorry!’, Connor called, frowning at the terminal. Hank stepped next to him and pointed to a small button. ‘This one.’ Connor blushed and pushed it, disconnecting the rig from the android, who practically fell into Richard’s arms. But the man didn’t seem to be that stable, because he sank to his knees, holding Gavin. The GV in turn held him and no one dared to move. No one except for Hank, pulling Connor out of the door.

‘You… You came back!’, Gavin finally spoke, sobbing blue tears. ‘You came back for me!’ ‘I promised you, haven’t I’, Richard answered, voice trembling and threatening to break. ‘I told you I would come, no matter what.’ ‘Did we win?’ ‘Yes. Marcus, he won. You are free now.’ ‘I can come back to the precinct?’ ‘I’ll do you one better, my love’, Richard said, standing up and carrying the android in his arms no matter the weight, just to press him nearer. ‘You can come home.’

[>next part]

[tyler-blogs]

Long Post About Adulthood and Not Being Ready

Internally, I feel like I'm in a constant battle between ambition and...something else that I can't quite name.

I want desperately to make a difference in this world. I don't care if my name ends up in a history book. I don't need that kind fo legacy. I just want to die knowing that this world is a noticeably better place because of decisions I made.

That's part of why I became a teacher. There are other reasons, but my desire to help people is a big one. But it's also causing me to look beyond the classroom, because American teachers, for better or worse, have to work within a racist, classist, sexist, and generally flawed system. And although teachers make the biggest impact on students directly (few people have a "favorite principal" from childhood), they have less control over the system. Especially in states with strict anti-union laws.

So to help make the systemic changes we need, I need to become a principal or superintendent. To do that, I need to go back and get my master's degree and maybe event a doctorate, eventually. I'm not worried about whether or not I CAN do that. I definitely can. I'll kill that dissertation one day.

But I'm also just so exhausted.

In a perfect world, I'd pay off my student loans (which will be in 2027 if I apply for the $5,000 teacher student loan forgiveness), THEN go get my master's (and probably more student loans). I will have taught for 9 years, spend 2ish getting my master's, then move into a building level admin role (assistant principal or something) after 11+ years as a classroom teacher. I liked that timeline. That was my plan when I graduated, and my husband was on board with it (because I don't need his approval but it's good to have your partner in crime be on the same wavelength as you, ya know?)

Then I got my first teaching job, and now basically nobody else supports that plan, including my husband. My first year at my school, I got an Educator of the Year award (which is unheard of!!!). I've contributed to a pedagogy book that will be published in a few months. I got voted as favorite staff member by my colleagues in May, the end of my 2nd year. My district is paying for me to take classes so I can be certified to teach ESL students. I've only been teaching for 2 years, but my assistant principal, who I love and consider a friend, "jokingly" asked when I was going to get my degree so I could be Dean of Students. I've taught professional development sessions to colleagues who have been teaching longer than I've been alive, and those colleagues voluntarily attended so I guess they like me. I've become my building's NEA union representative. I'm on my district's new "Virtual Learning Taskforce" that we set up to create guidelines for this school year since we are going 100% virtual until COVID cases go down in my county. My resume is getting so long I can't fit it all even on 2 pages. I'm designing websites and sponsoring clubs and mentoring new teachers and I just don't feel comfortable with the pace of ANY of this.

I want these things. I do. I just didn't expect them to happen so quickly. I was taught in college that your first 5 years as a teacher, you're a mess. Well, apparently I don't look like a mess. I feel like one, though.

So Blake, my husband, started trying to get me to rethink my timeline. Maybe instead of starting my master's after I teach for about 10 years, I could start it around year 7, and then have it done by year 10. And then he started looking up programs for me to apply to. He found 2 and I talked to some colleagues and I've chosen the one I want. I know I can get in. But I'm not applying yet. Because I don't! Feel! Ready!

Why don't I feel ready? I don't know! I really don't. Maybe I don't trust myself? This is what goes through my head when people encourage me to step up, lead people, and go get my master's sooner rather than later:

There was a man in the building where I student taught who said the worst principal he ever had was a young woman who only taught for 5 years before becoming an admin. What if I end up like her? What if I don't have enough experience in the classroom, and my teachers don't trust in my abilities?

Why am I being given all these opportunities? Do I deserve them? I'm a baby. I'm fucking 24. I have 2 years of job experience. Why do these people trust me to do this?

What if I'm taking opportunities from my BIPOC colleagues? Do we really need another white high school principal in a majority minority school district?

Does my awareness of the above bullet point, and the fact that I do try to listen to BIPOC voices, and am doing this specifically so I can dismantle systems like the school to prison pipeline and subpar education received by poor and BIPOC children, make up for the fact that I'd be another white high school principal?

When I sabotage my own success one day by having a manic or depressive episode, what will happen?

Am I really doing this for the right reasons?

Will I miss the classroom too much and regret my decision?

Why do I have the audacity to think I can make a difference at all? I'm not special. I'm not better than anyone else. So why does it have to be me? Is this all secretly about my ego?

So yeah. I just had to write this out. And idk what this accomplished. I still haven't decided what I'll do, but I'll probably finish my ESL certification in May 2021, and then have to start my master's that Fall because everyone will push me to and I don't want to let them down.

[anonymorshu]

I’m Back!

Yeah, that’s right. I live! Happy New Year!

It seems that Tumblr’s guidelines update a couple years ago annexed all the pornbots, so to my followers that are still here, I have missed you all and will be making some changes for the better that I'll get into later.

Firstly, the reason for my hiatus:

From what feels like since I started using Tumblr, I had tried to check it every night at 11 PM before bed alongside the first two pages each of a couple subreddits I follow. Eventually, I had followed too many blogs to the point that I took a break around July 2018, and slowly tried to recuperate where I left off, going into the 500+ range of Dashboard pages. Eventually, I tried skipping a few hundred pages to try and get closer to the end, but that wasn’t enough. I started setting aside the Reddit pages to get to later so I could put more time into this, and that lead into the series of events that unfolded in this Reddit post I made back in October.

So with that being said, a lot has happened since I made my leave. In particular:

Literally all of Deltarune is amazing. Especially best boy Rouxls Kaard.

Upon release, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate took up a good portion of my time as it would anyone; I main most of the newcomers. Love it to bits, especially playing Terry as of late. I got Piranha Plant later than I would’ve liked; February 3rd. I also beat the World of Light story mode on Hard from start to finish February 20th at 2:19 AM.

I watched Cowboy Bebop from March 9th to June 13th, 6:55 PM. Bit of a bittersweet ending, but it certainly went out with a bang.

I made a Twitch channel on March 31st. Don’t expect streams anytime soon.

I watched JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind over the course of its run, as did my parents following the previous parts in 2018. They love everything there is to do with JoJo and I couldn’t be happier.

Come June 11th, I got Final Fantasy VII on Switch on sale and completely get now why it’s heralded in such high regard by the gaming community. I’m certainly anticipating the Remake.

Not long after that, my brother picked me up Axiom Verge as part of a BOGOF deal. One of the best games I’ve ever played.

While I wasn’t really interested from the first episode alone and put it off, I picked Code Geass back up and binged it over the course of October to November 4th. Not the best ending, but given all that happened prior, it was for the best. Still gotta see Akito the Exiled, though.

From November 22nd to now, I’ve been really enjoying Re:Zero as well.

In anticipation of Persona 5: Royal’s release, from November 30th to now I’ve been playing Persona 3 FES and loving it. I plan on playing Persona 4 afterward.

This past month or so, I’ve been watching a fair amount of My Hero Academia. Pretty cool. I’m on the second season thus far.

As I never got to truly post about it, back in late May 2018 I broke 100 Subscribers on my YouTube channel, but didn’t wind up finishing work on the special for it until September. That video can be found here:

Heck, just recently I broke 300 Subs, but my next special’s at 500.

But back to the subject of Tumblr:

Despite how many (admittedly unnecessary) r/DDLC and spicy anime art link posts I’ve made in the past, the Tumblr NSFW ban barely affected me, thank goodness. I only got 3 posts taken down under the new guidelines, them being this, this, and this. The first one, not too explicit, the third one, completely understandable. But the second one? It’s a completely clean DDLC comic about Sayori comforting a sad Yuri. It blows my mind that that of all things would get detected and taken down. But I digress since I was able to appeal them all and get them back up safe and sound.

Additionally, I was quite upset when I reblogged all those posts from the @memories​ April Fool’s account due to my lack of getting caught up with Tumblr prior. But I was worried I wouldn’t get the chance to participate come April 2nd, so I had to bite the bullet and reblogged ‘em anyway.

Even now, I couldn’t get caught up if I wanted to since Tumblr’s Dashboard is completely broken. If I click the “Next” button to Page 2 of the Dashboard, it’ll display the second page, but when I go to Page 3 or further, and then click the “Previous” button to go back to Page 2, despite the URL, it takes me to Page 1. Absurd.

And now, what changes I’ll be making:

For my sake, I’m gonna limit how much Reddit and Tumblr I intake so as to prevent another downward spiral. Henceforth, I’m only going to check the first page of each subreddit alone rather than the first two of each, and only the first two pages of my Dashboard when I do my daily check-in before bed.

I’m gonna be removing the “Original Content” tag to my non-reblog posts, and instead, add a “Reblog” tag to my reblogs. This way it’ll be much easier to manage, and it’ll be a much more accurate tag than “Original Content”. Those who don’t want to see my reblogs can filter the tag.

From here on, I may limit how many tags I use on posts, in particular, only putting the franchise/series name(s) only instead of listing every character featured.

I’ll also try to put a heavier focus on my videos, ergo discussing behind-the-scenes things about my videos as mentioned in the update video I made back in November. 2019 was a very slow year for me in terms of channel content, so I’m gonna try and fix that going into 2020.

And that should be everything.

If you have any questions regarding the things mentioned, I may be able to answer them via the askbox. You can even choose to stay anonymous should you so choose.

In closing, I’m sorry if it seems like I left you all in the dark for too long, I hope you understand my reasoning for my absence, and I hope to do better.

Thanks for reading.