#the visual disturbances I have given him are what I experience

[majorshatterandhare]

Tl;dr

Ivy replaced Tim’s lenses in his goggles with rose tinted ones to reduce his symptoms of light sensitivity, without actually causing increased sensitivity. He wears them very often now. This is a bag of things you can choose from; I am deciding my Tim has visual disturbances as well including visual snow, shadowing/glowing around object (and people), afterimages, and things that are impossible to describe. He also has tinnitus and is HoH but I have yet to decide on those specifics.

Original post begins:

Continuing to think about Gunpowder Tim being light sensitive and his goggles being tinted to help with that.

I want to think of him as being like me because of course I do, projection. But in photos he usually is not wearing the goggles on his face, which I guess is better since his are tinted *green* (because they are for welding actually).

In my own research I have read that pink or rose tinted lenses are best for light sensitivity, however I have also seen some people use a yellow tint. Wearing sunglasses inside regularly can actually increase your light sensitivity. Because his are originally intended for looking at extremely bright light, they are quite dark. The tints on lenses intended for photophobia are not dark, they are light and do not block out light across the board.

So, I guess, headcanon that Tim aquired these goggles and used them for his light sensitivity. He was wearing dark lenses too often so Ivy took them and replaced them with a better tint, returning them while lecturing him on photophobia.

Who made the lenses and tint? Idk. Could be another mech or they were aquired from a planet they visited. Maybe they were stolen from a corpse, who knows.

Does Tim get migraines? With aura? Does he have visual disturbances? Maybe he has visual snow syndrome (VSS)? Maybe he has a brain tumor? Does he have tinnitus? It’s part of VSS and also could be a side effect of the goddamn moon explosion. If the event that burned out his eyes also affected his hearing (which it probably would) he’s likely HoH/deaf. Can VSS be caused by an event like that? I have no idea; it’s neurological, meaning the cause is in the brain, but lots of things can fuck with how your brain works, and the exact neurological cause of VSS is currently unknown.

[redflagshipwriter]

Hot Ghouls in Your Area

Chapter 2

It was a very weird ride. Danny felt like he was an authority on uncomfortable and strange conversations, given his bizarre family and all the experiences he'd had: but it was exquisitely uncomfortable sitting next to his bride sacrifice and making conversation.

The guy didn't offer his name. He was- honestly, he was built. Danny tried not to get caught visually measuring how absurdly broad the guy's shoulders were. He was weirdly offended that the cultists had sent him someone who was more ripped than he was.

"What's that?" The guy prompted. Jason. This guy's name was Jason. It was a little hard to keep in mind given he didn't really look like a Jason. He looked like… The Red Biker 👻😱🩸 or some shit.

Danny mentally rewound his own babbling and brightened when he realized that there was at least some interest in NASA's newest telescope. He infodumped on rote. It genuinely was an interesting topic! But he'd told 3 people about it already so it didn't take all of his attention.

At one point, Jason pinched his middle finger and used the grip to pull off his glove. Danny swallowed. He tried not to stare at the first glimpse of skin. It was not super light or super dark– a little tanner than Danny, maybe. Not that that said much when he was living like a cave creature in a dorm room, trying to get the grades to be an astronaut.

'He's human,' Danny thought. Of course he was, he'd been sent from earth, but-

He just felt like a ghost.

The confusion put his hackles up. It was weird to perceive this guy as a possible threat. But he wasn't! He was just some hot dummy who got caught by friggin Jeremy Waters. Jeremy. Come on. It didn't get much sadder than that.

But overall? He could see why the Infinite Realms had gotten mixed up enough to accept this guy. Red was definitely weird enough to be a ghost, dressed up for the combination war front/biker bar/club. He hadn't made a move to take off his ugly motorcycle helmet the whole time they'd been talking. It was kind of creepy, to be honest.

The most disturbing part was that he smelled, like, really good. He smelled like sexy death and Danny kinda wanted to roll around in it like the world's most educated cat.

It was with some relief that Danny bounded away from his semi husband, up the stairs to Clockwork. "You know who it is and why I'm here!" He hollered, hands making a megaphone shape around his mouth. "Help me! I'm too young to be a child bride."

"Technically," Clockwork said, floating pleasantly into view, "you are too old to be a child bride. As you are not a child, Danny."

He waved that off. "I'm a kid on the inside," he dismissed. "And 19 is basically a high schooler."

"As you say." Clockwork drifted away. Danny followed. "How is your university coursework?"

"It's fine." Danny shrugged. "The Gen Eds are giving me war flashbacks to Mr. Lancer, though."

"You liked him," Clockwork said.

Danny bristled. "I did not!"

He kinda had. Mr. Lancer could have been a lot worse.

That was beside the point. Danny caught up to his ghost mentor. "I can't be distracted from this," he said, aiming for stern. "There's some human out there who wants to go home. I also want him to go home. How do we make that happen ?"

"Why Danny, have you forgotten about portals?"

Danny scowled. "You know what I mean," he groused. "I want to send him home single. Unattached. Not married to me at all."

Clockwork finally stopped moving and looked directly at him. His large eyes held only a kind of curiosity. "I suppose that you could banish him. That would have the effect of ending your relationship."

Danny hesitated. He'd learned that accepting suggestions on their face could go very badly. "That seems kinda harsh," he said. "Would there be any repercussions of that?"

Clockwork hummed from the back of his throat. "Yes, it would prevent young Jason from becoming a ghost when he passes again. Excuse me, I want that shelf behind you."

Danny moved out of the way on reflex before he processed those words. "That sounds bad."

The older ghost seemed to shrug. "The Ghost king can banish ghosts, and your paramour is ghostly enough to qualify. It would solve your current dilemma."

He deliberately chose not to respond to the word 'paramour.'

"I'm actually looking for a solution that doesn't interfere with the state of his soul and afterlife," Danny said dryly. Then he blinked. "You're really gonna call him Jason?"

Clockwork reached up and withdrew a metal object from the shelf. It clicked in his hand. "Indeed."

Danny waited for another divorce suggestion. When Clockwork didn't give one, he groaned. "How do I find another solution?" He asked, tired. This was another test, wasn't it? It was a chance for him to problem solve on his own.

That netted him a beaming smile. "You should take him to the royal library."

"And look for information about ghost divorces?" Danny asked. Clockwork gave him an enigmatic smile.

He chose to believe that was a yes. Danny patted his mentor's shoulder. "Thanks!" He shouted, already turning on his heel. "I'll do that. Have a good day!"

"Goodbye, Danny."

Jason hadn't moved at all, sitting weirdly tense and tall in the passenger seat. Danny gave him a nervous smile as he jumped in.

"Did you find out anything?" Jason asked. His voice was even enough to obscure whatever it was he thought, and the helmet made the words come out kinda flat and mechanical.

Danny winced. "Yes and no," he said, trying to find cheerful. "The first solution seems kinda bad, to be honest, so let's go to the library and look for another one!"

"...Ghosts have public libraries?" Jason said.

"No," Danny said. And then he frowned. "Maybe? I don't know. I haven't seen one but I haven't been here long. We're going to Pariah's creepy old castle to look at his library." He started up the Specter Speeder and took off. "It's big. And he was a real creep, so he probably had, uh." He cleared his throat. "Paramours." His face was getting hot and red. Maybe it wasn't obvious. He tried to look unaffected. "Probably why that ritual was out there," he babbled. Wow, the minutes separating their destinations felt very long when he was digging a verbal hole. "He probably had a lot of sacrifices he accepted, maybe that's where the skeleton army came from actually."

"Skeleton army?" Jason managed to sound incredulous through the world's ugliest motorcycle helmet. "How do ghosts and skeletons both exist in proximity?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, if you don't need the physical body to exist, why would anyone retain their corpse?"

Danny laughed nervously. "Yeah, that's weird," he agreed.

'Don't ask me afterlife questions,' he mentally begged. 'I just work here. I don't know the answers.'

"Metaphysically-"

"Do you like sports?" Danny interrupted in a high voice.

Jason paused. "No. Do you?"

"...Not really," Danny admitted, thinking of getting ganged up on in dodgeball and knocked down in basketball.

They existed in what felt like a confused silence for a few minutes. Danny parked the Speeder outside of the castle and I clicked his seatbelt with a rush of relief. "We're here," he said. He threw open the top.

Jason didn't move from where he was flat against the backrest, only lifting his head. "... Should I come too?"

Danny blinked down at him and waved a hand in invitation. "Yeah, let's go. This is kinda my place now so I can invite you in."

Jason moved forward abruptly, like he'd just gotten unstuck from the seat. Something about it looked wrong to his hindbrain. But Danny dismissed it and started off at a jog. It wasn't his business if Jason was a weird little guy. (Weird big guy? It didn't sound the same, but Jason wasn't petite.)

Jason paused on the battlements. Danny looked back and tried to see it from his perspective. The architecture was jagged, pitch black, and without any of the friendly colorful touches a castle should have. "It's kind of creepy," he said apologetically. "Pariah has just the worst vibe. Rancid energy."

"...Is it smart to say that?" Jason wondered. He started walking again.

Danny shrugged. "What's he gonna do to me?" He asked rhetorically. "Get his butt kicked again?"

[softichill]

The Sounds of Nightmares unofficial transcript

Chapter 4 - Two of a Kind

(As always, made with the help of @queen0fm0nsterz!!!)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

--------------

[CLICK]

[Something is booted up] 

OTTO: Duality. A notion essential to psychology. We all contain a multitude of personas and change proverbial masks to match our present situations. [Shifting] The body is the container for this legion within, allowing us to maintain the important illusion of a singular self, the very basis of human experience. In Noone, there lies both the innocent child and the disturbed traveler. Both fight for control. But what happens when the duality is not only in the mind?

[Click]

Recording of NOONE: “T…Two breaths. Why could I hear him breathing? Why could I feel them breathing? My body was sh–”

[Tape is cut off with a click]

OTTO: Given her vanishings, I fear it is not only her inner self which has become subject to division, but her body as well. One child, torn between two worlds… Either I have lost my marbles, or we tread ever deeper into territories beyond the boundaries of rational thought. 

[Click, tape rewinds]

[Intro plays]

[Click can be heard twice. Young voices scream joyfully in the background, muffled through a wall] 

NOONE: Otto? What is this place?

OTTO: The reunion room. 

NOONE: Is that cake they’re eating? May I have some? Can I go in there?

OTTO: I’m sorry, you may only watch. My colleagues don’t allow inpatients to mingle with outpatients. …Those who are ready to go home to their families, I mean. Sit tight, and I’ll get you some cake. 

[Otto walks away] 

OTTO, distant, fading: Get me a piece of cake. Piece of cake? Get me a piece of cake… [Door closes]

[Otto walks back in]

OTTO: There! A fine chocolatey slice.

NOONE: They’re not waving back…

OTTO: Ah, it’s a two-way mirror. We can observe them but they can’t observe us. …(inhales) I’d – like to ask about last night. 

NOONE, eating: Mh? Last night?

OTTO: You were in bed with the brain activity monitor on. One moment you were there, and the next – gone! Where… did you go?

NOONE: I don’t understand… 

OTTO: (inhales) I watched you myself so I know you didn’t get up and leave the room. 

NOONE: Wasn’t I asleep? I don’t recall any of this. 

OTTO: ...You vanished, Noone. 

NOONE: Huh? 

OTTO: I – I thought I might have been mistaken at first, but the E.E.G. readings persisted, as if you were still there. Several minutes lapsed, then you reappeared. 

NOONE, distressed: That makes no sense!

OTTO: This wasn’t an isolated event.

NOONE, even more distressed: What do you mean, I can’t just — [raising her voice] people just don’t disappear! [breathing heavily] You’re supposed to help me! You’re supposed to understand… 

[Noone breathes hard in the background, on the verge of a panic attack] 

OTTO: And yet neither of us do! It’s a major event, a bonafide anomaly. That’s why you must be sure that –

NOONE, interrupting: Is there some kind of trick?!

OTTO: It’s alright. [Noone is still breathing hard] Look at me. Focus on my eyes. Breathe. Noone, slowly. 

[Noone’s breaths slow down slightly] 

OTTO, under his breath: Breathe, two, three… Hold, two, three… Out, two, three…

[Noone follows his instructions, breathes slower] 

OTTO: That’s it. That’s a girl. 

[Noone stops breathing hard]

OTTO: Better?

NOONE: … Why did you take me here, Otto? 

OTTO: I know solitude can be hard, and visualization is essential to developing beliefs that will –

NOONE: It’s being alone I hate. It’s being lonely.

OTTO: And I’m showing that, one day, you’ll be in the reunion room too! Just as relieved as those children, sharing cake rather than eating it by yourself. But you have to trust my process, even when it’s difficult for you to grasp. 

NOONE: (Sigh) I understand more than you think.

OTTO: … Yes. I suspect so too. Hidden somewhere in your head. Come along! We’ve got preparations to make before tonight’s session.

NOONE: …Can we stay here? A minute longer?

OTTO: (Sigh) Alright. Just until you finish that slice. 

[The recording stops momentarily and picks up mid sentence] 

NOONE: – o many wires! T-They’re everywhere!

[Strapping, Otto preparing the machine] 

OTTO: It’s the same E.E.G. machine I use to monitor your sleeping brain, only now I’d like to acquire readings during wakefulness, during your retelling to compare results.

NOONE: My last doctor made me do things like this all the time. [Otto prepping] Tubes into my stomach… I– I don’t much like being awake for tests and proddings. 

OTTO: [hums] These electrodes may feel strange on your scalp, but there’s no pain. Nothing to worry about. If anxiety rears its head, take deep breaths. Same as earlier, yes?

NOONE: I– I’m not sure –

OTTO, interrupting: (slightly strained) Trust, remember? 

[Shifting. The machine boots up, activates and Noone winces] 

OTTO: Not so bad, is it? 

NOONE: Can we get this over with?

OTTO: Of course! Begin as you like. 

NOONE, narrating: I spun out of a dark place, and brilliant lights sparkled around. Then, far off laughter, and screams. But… screams of joy. Gathering my head, I… I saw other kids sitting on wooden crates nearby. As I approached, they were surprised to see me, but introduced themselves one by one. 

[Quiet music begins, machine can still be heard]

NOONE, narrating: They were performers, they said. Each with different skills and talents. Juggling, fire breathing, trapy-something… 

OTTO, correcting her: Trapeze?

NOONE: Trapeze! That’s what he said. (narrating) The boy called Rusty, he – he walked tightrope too. There were caravans all around: wooden ones, big yellow wheels, and all these colorful fabrics. I noticed the lights again. Fairy lights, shining down into the puddles from the rain that cleared before I’d arrived. Their reflection, swirling in the murky water, like a ballet. It was… beautiful.

NOONE: (sighs) As I lost focus, the others went on talking, fast and loud as teenagers do.

OTTO, interrupting again: Teenagers? And how long have they been there, performing in this place?

NOONE: Please, Otto! Let me get through it.

[Shifting. The carnival grows louder and distorted speech can be heard]

NOONE, narrating: From the way they looked, they’d been there a long time. But they were confident, or tried to be, and kind. As the clouds parted, Rusty asked if I wanted to go on a ride.

RUSTY, in the background, ov. with Noone: “Wanna go on a ride?”

NOONE: He said,

RUSTY, bg., ov. with Noone: “It’s the best one, because it lets you see clearly.”

NOONE: So, I said yes, feeling… a part of their gang. I’ve never had that before.

[Carnival games and music, steps]

NOONE: We passed by games and silly booths until we came to… the giant wheel. [The ferris wheel creaks] We climbed into the seats in pairs, me and Rusty taking the last cart. 

[Sitting, the wheel creaks again]

NOONE: It went so high up that… I could see the whole carnival. It was… unnaturally high, like – like we were in the sky itself. [Wind blows, music quiets] Rusty pointed to these tall wooden polls, like- masts on a ship, as if that answered where we were, but… how could a ship be in the air? Rusty saw my face full of questions and said,

RUSTY, ov. with NOONE: “Look down, not out. You won’t feel sick that way, and we haven't much time.”

[Wind blows]

NOONE: I… I remember feeling, for a moment, things were OK. On the giant wheel, for the first time in such a long time I… I felt… happy. But, Rusty… he suddenly seemed so sad. His voice shifted and he continued, 

RUSTY, ov. with NOONE: “That massive tent there, that’s the Big Top.”

NOONE: He said we’d be going there soon because him and his friends had a show to put on. I already knew the answer, but I asked anyway: “You don’t like performing, do you.” He looked glum for a moment before replying: “I hate it.” When I asked why he does it, Rusty mumbled to himself, 

RUSTY, bg.: I…

NOONE: … But I couldn’t hear with the wind so loud. Finally Rusty turned and said, 

RUSTY, ov. with Noone: “They force us. And whatever they say, goes.”

NOONE: I didn’t know who “they” were, but a bad feeling came over me and… I understood why we were really on that wheel. Because, all the way up there, he could say what was in his heart without worrying about being heard. 

[Creaking wood] 

NOONE: As the wheel came around, he began explaining very fast how him and his friends had been planning. Rusty wanted me to be part of a special show, where they would try something they’d never done before. He told me that my job was to be lookout. That if… I saw a man in a purple suit, I needed to give him the sign while he walked the tightrope. I asked, “Is this the man who makes you put on shows?” Without really answering, Rusty kept talking. 

RUSTY, ov. with Noone: “In the spotlight, some glow, while others shrivel into shadows. We glow, and do as told, or…”

NOONE: He didn’t finish the thought, but, I understood. The times I was on TV, I’d have done anything to avoid all those lights. So I said, “A simple sign won’t do. I’ll have to shout. A code only we’ll understand. How about… Big Top?” He agreed it was a good idea and I realized he didn’t tell me what they were planning, but… when I saw him staring out at the clouds, I asked, “You mean to escape, don’t you? The carnival?” And he quickly said, 

RUSTY, ov. with NOONE: “This entire… rotten world.” 

[Silence. Narration stops.] 

[Machine whirring]

OTTO: Was the boy expressing knowledge of a world beyond this carnival?

NOONE: I hadn’t thought about it until now, but… I guess so. And, I felt that too. 

OTTO: Then – All the places you’ve been are one and the same?

NOONE: Sort of. It’s like how this basement is connected to the upper floors, but don’t work- together.

OTTO: Why didn’t you ever express this before?!

NOONE: What’s so impo– 

OTTO, interrupting: You’ve sensed that the dreams you visit hold a tangible, sustained existence?! That these spaces are objective!? Physically… there?!

NOONE: I — uh, I think so? I don’t know how it works, but… it feels that way, yes. …Do you finally believe me?

OTTO: Giving the mere thought validity would have my license revoked! Yet I admit there’s potential that what you say is true. It offers some explanation of your… spiriting away, last night. 

[Pause, machine running in the background]

OTTO: …I’d need to see it for myself. 

NOONE: See it yourself?! You’re supposed to help me avoid going there!

OTTO: I need to reach it with you! To find that… quidity of consciousness we spoke of!

NOONE: Why would you want that?

OTTO: …

NOONE: How can I trust you if you don’t answer my questions sometimes?! It isn’t fair!

OTTO: (Sigh) …I… I lost someone dear to me, you understand? A long time ago. …Part of me believes that they may be there. 

NOONE: (Upset) So that’s the reason you’re so fascinated by me, isn’t it?! [Starting to breathe hard again] That’s why you have me do- all these tests and experiments, to find them!

OTTO: Now you’re the one being unfair. 

NOONE: Well, you can’t even get there!

OTTO: Why not?!

[Noone’s breathing quiets, still upset]

NOONE: …it’s Nowhere. 

OTTO: Nowhere? What do you mean??

NOONE: It’s a place… that Is… and Isn’t. 

OTTO: Did the boy, [stuttering] Rusty, say that? The Candleman??

NOONE: Neither. 

OTTO: I can’t help you if you hide things from me. 

NOONE: I tell you everything! You know what’s in my brain- more than I do!

NOONE: [breathing harder] There’s things on my head. 

OTTO: Breathe, Noone… breathe…breathe. Deep. Follow my rhythm. 

[Noone and Otto take deep breaths, pulsing notes rise in the background]

OTTO: Alright, okay. If the theatrics are done, we must press on. 

NOONE: I want to stop. 

OTTO: The sooner you finish, the sooner we’ll be free. 

[Noone pauses, takes a few more deep breaths]

NOONE, narrating: We went to the Big Top. Rusty, and the others got all dressed up. In- amazing costumes. Black and white with sparkles. And another in… a fancy red coat. 

NOONE: Rusty lead me round to the towering stage, placing me in the front, saying,

RUSTY, ov. with NOONE: “Best seats in the house.”

NOONE: I felt… so special. [distant music starts] Until, Rusty looked around, with that worried face again. Without another word, he went backstage, as the crowd started pouring in. 

[Distorted speech]

NOONE: These… “people”... were the wrong shape. Faces like… bad drawings come alive. [thunk] One sat down in the seat to my left, eating… [crunching] a candy apple. It… it stank horribly [Dream!Noone gags] and, the center was mushy and raw.

NOONE: These… plump bodies filled the seats, too big for them, crushing and… spilling into one another. [Crunching and chewing] At the same time stuffing their faces with- rancid snacks, all grisly and chewy. I thought to throw up, but, as the lights dropped, [lights shutting off] everything went still. 

[Pause, light turns on]

NOONE: Then… [drumroll, faint trumpet] a spotlight [cheering] illuminated the stage, and the kid in a red coat walked to the middle. He put on amazing magic tricks, [whoosh] that almost made me forget where I was. For his final trick, he waved around the swirling cloak, smoke spilling out, and topped off with a bang! [sparkles pop, cheering] 

NOONE: When cloak dropped, he had disappeared, [whooshing] and in his place, were two different kids. They had sticks near their mouths, blowing fire. That did it for the crowd. [Distorted cheering gets louder] Then I remembered– I was playing lookout! But I saw no man in a purple suit, and I was distracted as the firebreathers finished and, jugglers came on. 

[More cheering]

NOONE: They took the flaming sticks from their friends, and threw them so high in the air, [Dream!Noone cheering] I… I found myself cheering with the crowd! [Dream!Noone clapping and cheering] And then the lights went down again, [click, drumroll] marking the final act. 

NOONE: (Quiet) The spotlight blared again, shining at the top of the tent. Way up… standing at one end of a rope between two ladders… was Rusty. The others stopped, staring in complete quiet. He started walking… slowly… then with more confidence. The silent went on too long, like we were all under a spell. And… that’s when I noticed… [quiet breathing] something beside me, in the seat that had been empty a moment ago. 

OTTO: (incredibly distant) The man in the purple suit?

NOONE: I heard him before I saw him. [breathing] T…Two breaths. Why could I hear him breathing? Why could I feel them breathing? My was shaking but, his attention was on Rusty. 

[Cheering, Dream!Noone gasps]

NOONE: Noticing that I wasn’t cheering, the man turned. He had no eyes. But I felt him look at me. How can someone with no eyes look at you?

[More breathing, cheering picks up again]

NOONE: Then, I saw a smaller man in his lap. [A smaller, faster set of breathing starts] A- dummy, only… he wasn’t made of wood or plastic, and had hair atop a lumpy face where… a wider mouth had been carved out. Unlike the man, the puppet had eyes, staring at the spotlight above. 

NOONE: Suddenly the crowd burst into a cheer, [cheering] as Rusty reached the middle of the rope, but, the dummy’s face crinkled, full of hate- wanting those cheers for himself. I was the only one not clapping, and he turned to face me. I’m not sure if they spoke, or- if it was in my head, but with a smile, they invited me to be part of the show. 

NOONE: [Cheering gets louder] That’s when I shouted “Big Top! Big Top!” But the crowd was booming! Rusty made it across the rope, but… but instead of climbing down the ladder he began climbing towards a small cut in the fabric at the top of the tent. I turn back… and the man was still there, limp, but his dummy… his dummy was… [Noone’s breathing picks up] gone, right near- Rusty–

NOONE: [Breathing heavily now] “BIG TOP!” I tried to scream– tearing my throat, but– I had no breath!– And then– [Attempts a deep breath] I saw the dummy– It’s lumpy face peering out from the shadows– at the top of the tent– Waiting for Rusty. 

[Ambience become more intense]

NOONE: The man beside me grew shy– both loving the praise, and– regretting the attention. [Noone’s breathing gets faster, ambience picks up] I can hear him breathing again– between breaths– (unintelligible)*– I tried and tried to shout but– it was too late!– Rusty was finally out of the spotlight!– And the tiny doll man lunged!– And– Rusty!– Rusty–

OTTO: [Dream ambience suddenly stops, loud machinery] Did he escape, did he manage?

NOONE, not narrating: Get this thing!– off my head!!

OTTO: Was Rusty able to get away?!

NOONE: [Hyperventilating] NO I DON’T LIKE IT! Rusty!!–

[Noone continues hyperventilating, machinery gets louder]

OTTO: Okay- okay okay- alright, alright, deeep breaths. Deeeep breaths, follow me. Like this now, one-

NOONE: AAA! TWO!! BIG TOP!!

[Otto attempting to get Noone to breathe, Noone having a panic attack]

OTTO: Slow down, slow down, slow down- breathe. 

NOONE: RUSTY!! TWO!!! TWO!!! 

OTTO: Just breathe-

NOONE: BIG TOP!! THE BIG TOP!!! 

OTTO: Two… three… One… two… 

NOONE: Deep breaths– One– One body**–

[machinery suddenly shuts down]

OTTO: Noone? [suddenly standing up] Noone! Noone!

[Shifting, moving furniture, crashing. Audio cuts]

[Pause]

[Click, audio starts] 

OTTO: Mercifully, the only irreparable damage this evening was the wound cut in Noone’s confidence towards me. (Inhale) What concerns me more is the lack of detail in her retelling. A step backwards, which may be the result of her preoccupation with the testing equipment. 

OTTO: Her body dysmorphia was exacerbated. That celebrity doctor’s to blame, whatever he put her through. And all those poor children… but it’s causing her to become furtive. 

[pen clicks, paper rustling]

OTTO: I’ve exhumed the journals published by my outer circle of colleagues, with whom I’ve lost touch. [pages turning] While I previously entertained the possibility of a multitude of realms, a singular space seems more probable, and in line with their transcendental musings. 

[Closes paper]

OTTO: While their studies are conjecture, I can no longer deny the empirical signs pointing towards such peripheral existence! Why then, are my senses unable to perceive it whatsoever? There’s a veil up. Ha! Yes, like a two-way mirror. Only I’m the one stuck on the side of blind, deaf, and dumb ignorance. 

OTTO: (sigh) And the lurking presence of the Ferryman. While he may be a master of dream manipulation, he’s no denizen here. Noone said it many sessions ago: He does not belong in our world. And yet, he’s the connective tissue. I am determined to find his arcane hinterland- to cross into the place she calls… “Nowhere.”

[Outro plays]

--------------

*It's really hard for me to hear what she says here, sorry!

**Take this with a grain of salt, I'm not entirely sure I heard right

[ma1dmer]

Vampire the Masquerade - Cuthbert Beckett NSFW

i am gonna impregnate this man

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): he'll run his claws through your hair ,press a kiss to your forehead and probably return to his research , wouldn't mind you joining him even if its just to nap next to him, he’ll keep a hand in your hair as he reads through various texts and books while you rest before he probably has to rest as well, his body forcing him at that point to join you

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): he knows he is a handsome man, he knows people want him but thinking of something specific for his body, or anyone's body if we are being honest, seems so pointless to him, vanity is such a mortal matter after all and beauty is flitting, he says with a sharp and knowing grin, since he knows he is immortal and very much considered hot. he likes different things on different partners. Different things that have his eyes wandering ,and provide some sort of distraction in his day to day.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): out of sight out of mind, hates having to clean up everything after he is done

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): he is definitely a switch, depends on the person he is with of course and what they bring out in him, its always exciting to see how things will go, he likes to be surprised

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): he has spent so many years on this earth ,of course he has quite the experience, and it shows, whore

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): he loves taking you from behind, while he is doing his research he beckons you over before bending you over his desk ,scolding you if you crumple any paper or spill ink on his precious books

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): he seems like someone who would be very intense, but if you can't enjoy and be light-hearted with someone you bed whats the point, that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy teasing you if you get overwhelmed and unable to keep up

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): he doesn't care to trim or shave, especially considering he is a gangrel

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): he is both incredibly smooth and all types of romantic interactions fly right over his head, it really depends on the mood he is and how deep he is lost in his books, he could have you wrapped around his finger with poetry from aeons ago , and promises of the most delicious things, but also you could stand in front of him entirely naked and he’d get frustrated at you only raising his head from some ancient scroll and asking you what you want

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): enjoys being given a show, he likes knowing how much you want him, wants to watch you pleasure yourself, his only help his hand rubbing your knee as he keeps his eyes fixed on you memorising every detail of your expressions and body

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): voyeurism, maybe one(1) daddy here and there but nothing more, some minor roleplaying , naughty librarian? desperate ghoul etc etc

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): he prefers to keep such matters behind closed doors 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): being challenged, he likes people that run their mouths as much as he does, he does get frustrated at first and annoyed meeting someone his equal, but he would be bored otherwise, and all that frustration does make for delicious tension that bleeds into his more carnal needs

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): he hates being pulled away from important work, he’ll tell you once, that he is busy and does not want to be disturbed and expects you to listen, if he hasn’t told you so , he is open to being distracted but you can tell when he wants you to fuck off somewhere else, of course in kinder terms

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): he loves both, he is very very very thorough when he gives, knows how to keep his claws and teeth out of the way , or not if its the danger you like, and he definitely won’t say no to a pretty little thing on their knees for him

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): it depends ,he loves simply taking his pleasure from you fast and rough, but also simply having you spread out for him ,taking his time with you until you tremble

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): not a big fan, hates being taken away from his research will click his tongue in annoyance if you bother him

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): he is a naturally curious man that thirsts for knowledge so it comes to reason to assume that extends to his more private matters as well

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): considering what he is and the fact he is pretty powerful i would say his stamina is unparalleld, it takes him a while to get in the mood but once he is , he tends to lose time, and can go for honestly far too long ,you’ll be crying before he pulls away confused like , what happened, check the clock and see its the next day or something, those damn vampires

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): he can definitely appreciate them, he is slightly too old fashioned to truly enjoy them for himself, but he does enjoy the fantasy of stuffing you with a toy before letting you walk away, however the idea of you potentially getting in danger or being humiliated stops him 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): he is quite the tease, likes holding you down by the scruff of your neck, using your body while teasing you with his words, speaking almost matter of factly about how desperate you are for him

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): besides his teasing words he is so quite, sometimes you forget he is behind you when he has you bent over and you turn to make sure he hasnt simply left the room but he'll press your head back down and tell you he was just admiring you

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): absolutely uses nicknames when he addresses you teasingly, pet or darling depending on the mood

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): knot? knot! 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): quite low, he is very in control of his needs, he likes when you want him and he chooses when he allows himself to want you, when he can afford the time to indulge both of your interest

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): if he could never sleep he’d probably be a happy man , so much work to do, so much research 

[clownsalot]

ok so anyway double first impressions and observations!! idk if ill be repeating any points other people have already brought up since im typing this without having looked through the milgram tag. and this probably won't be all that organized despite my attempt of neatening it up but ah well. i tried grouping my observations by point at least, but they're not in an order that follows the sequence of the mv.

also id like to preface this that firstly a) i don't have any personal experience with DID whether it be in myself or with people i know so please be patient with me if i say something wrong and b) for now please assume im going with the 2koto theory? not because i dont believe in the trikoto theory but because i haven't really dug that deep into it and so id be bad at spotting evidence of it myself

also im mostly going off of what i see visually in the mv since i haven't gotten to analyzing the lyrics yet

for now im referring to host mikoto and alter mikoto as bokuto and orekoto respectively.

the rest of the post under the cut!!

1. magazine/print(?) texture

the first thing i took note of was the magazine/print(?)(there's definitely a better term for this because just saying 'paper' doesn't fit. someone please help) texture that shows up when the mv kind of fragments. there's a lot of text that shows up like printed letters on a newspaper/print(?) that floats around.

how i find this interesting is actually in contra:st to the magazine texture on cat and the magazine/scrapbook format of this is how to be in love with you:

whereas kazui and mahiru center more on the clean perfect 'advertising' feel of magazines, mikoto's texturing in double feels more like the kind of crinkled old magazines you rip and mess up for collages in primary school.

it's kind of interesting, actually: with kazui and mahiru, it's their portrayals of the idealized romanticized forms of love and romance they're being sold. so with mikoto, is it the shreds of the idealized 9-5 grind he's been sold? since it seems to be implied in double and also one of the shots in undercover that mikoto is pushing himself too far for the sake of his work, and it's well known that the work grind in japan is crushingly brutal and overtime is not only expected but actively encouraged (i may be reaching with this one though? i dunno man).

2. the eye imagery

the next thing i noticed was that double has a lot of eye imagery. it's really interesting because it's like it's carrying over the feeling of surveillance from MeMe by replacing the camera povs that feel like spying on mikoto with more straightforward eyes on him.

what else is interesting to me though is the way the eyes watching mikoto in double contrast with the eyes watching fuuta in backdraft. as far as i can tell mikoto and fuuta are the only ones in milgram with eye imagery? but there's a difference in that while fuuta's eyes are disturbing partly because of the fact that they're semirealistic, mikoto's in contrast are a lot more abstracted in comparison. i wonder what exactly the eyes in double are supposed ro represent, since fuuta's are meant to represent judgement. given the stylistic differences between them im really curious as to what the similarities and differences would be between how they both view being watched? i can't come up with anything concrete at the moment though.

3. across the train carriage

i think throughout double there's a kind of shot composition/framing that shows up a few times, and it's that orekoto and bokuto seem to be across the train carriage from each other.

in the first image, it looks like bokuto is being reflected in the window behind orekoto, meaning he'd have to be sitting across from him in the train carriage. in the second, an identical pair of hands are overlapping orekoto's image, and since i doubt there'd be a mirror cutting right through the middle of the carriage in front of the doors, it'd have to mean that they're mirroring each other's actions from across the train carriage.

(you'll have to forgive me for it being in still images, i wish i could get it in motion but i am. not a gif maker. it's at roughly 2:16 though for anyone who needs it)

it also shows up in this scene which i like a lot!!! where the camera starts from a mikoto leaning haggardly against the train door looking at something behind the camera, who im assuming to be bokuto, before it pans up towards the ceiling and down again to the mikoto holding onto the bloody bat, who im assuming to be orekoto.

the Across the Train Carriage framing is really really really cool in and of itself and i love it!! but that panning shot has me rolling it's so good and i love it so much. the way it pans back down to orekoto so he's upside down makes it so disorienting and difficult to process especially with the scribbly effects over it. this could be reflective of how bokuto feels about this whole thing himself, but i donthave much of an analysis for this point, i just wanted to point it out because i think the directing of it is really really really damn cool

4. phone call home

yea i don't have an analysis for this part either, i also just find this sequence of events really really cool. just—the calmness of the phone call over the flashes of orekoto violently 'taking care of' the things troubling them!!!! it's the juxtaposition of the mikoto who calmly tells his mom that everything is alright and he's fine vs the mikoto that takes care of things for him that allows that kind of calmness to exist in the first place. it tickles my brain

although there is the thing of: if people are right that the mv visually distinguishes between bokuto and orekoto through the presence of eyebags, it is a little odd that the mikoto on the phone also has eyebags, implying that the him on the phone is also not bokuto. and i don't know what that's supposed to signify, but it's a little interesting to think about.

5. glitching Next Station screens

it's interesting to note that as the mv progresses the screens that show the train route and what the next station is get glitchier and glitchier. do any of the train station names correspond with actual train stations on the japanese train system? do they mean something else? im really curious, but my japanese isn't great and consists of only the 2 duolingo units i did like years ago, so could anyone please give me a hand with translating or point me to someone who has already translated it?

the constant appearances of trains in both MeMe and double is really interesting to me and i wonder what exactly it could be representing or what the significance of it is, especially since mikoto apparently bikes to work and doesn't commute on public transport

anyways, that's about it for all the things i took note of upon watching double the first two times, and i haven't done any especially deep analysis or anything. i haven't touched on all the mannequins either, mostly because im not reslly sure what they're supposed to represent and so don't really have much to say about them.

also hanae natsuki delivers a banger vocal performance once again!! ive never heard him miss in any of the roles ive seen him in, but he once again knocks it out of the park with mikoto. i haven't listened to mikoto's t2 voice drama neoplasma yet, but im sure hanae natsuki did amazing work on that once again, so im really excited to give it a listen!!

as for now though, i think ill have to look at everyone else's analyses of double to understand mikoto better, since even though i love him as a character and i like doing analysis im not as great at theorizing

[sweetrevxnge]

Like Phantoms, Forever

Chapter Twelve | Never Meant

Pairing: Ben Solo x Reader

Summary: Your destiny had never been clear to you, only becoming so when it led you to leaving behind the life you knew to train with the galaxy's sole Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker. His Jedi Academy became your new home, bringing with it the promise of someday becoming a Jedi Knight. While navigating the ways of the Force, an inexplicable connection forms between you and a fellow student—the heir to the legendary Skywalker bloodline, Ben Solo. Together, the two of you must face your destinies and forge the path to your true selves.

What to expect: fluff, violence, sexual content, general angst, mentions/descriptions of injury and death

Additional info: this story is set in 28 ABY, six years prior to the events of TFA

*concurrently being published on AO3 and Wattpad as well!

Masterlist

Spotify Playlist

Word count: 5.9k

Chapter-specific CW: NSFW content, unprotected sex, inappropriate use of the Force

A/N: I accidentally hurt my own feelings while writing this chapter, but hey! That's showbiz baby!!!

───────── ⋆ ☆ ⋆ ─────────

“Both pupils are equal, round, and reactive to light and accommodation,” the medical droid stated plainly as it lowered the penlight from your eyes and clicked it off.

You blinked rapidly, trying to wipe away the lingering light from your sight, but a trail still streaked through your vision.

“Considering that the cranial nerve assessment showed no deviation from the expectation and that the patient is not currently exhibiting symptoms associated with a traumatic brain injury, it is my professional opinion that she is safe to resume training activities and…”

As intriguing as 4-3B’s analysis of your condition was, you couldn’t help but tune it out—especially since the findings were identical to Ben’s. 

“A little Force pushing isn’t enough to damage our thick skulls,” you said to Ben through your invisible connection, earning a stifled laugh from him seated across the examination room.

You lazily swung your legs back and forth from the examination table—which was really more like a bed—as you watched 4-3B’s assessment data automatically fill the blank spots in your chart. The system was fascinating to watch, instantly transferring information from its memory core to the blue-tinted data screen beside you as it verbally explained your report.

“If you begin to experience symptoms, such as headache, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, or visual disturbances, please come b–”

“Back to the infirmary immediately, I know,” you said impatiently, trying to hurry this visit along so you could escape the uneasy tension hanging between you, Ben, and Master Skywalker. 

Given the comment he had made as you snuck into the temple, as well as his apprehension to send you two off in a private ship together, there was no doubt in your mind that he knew about you two, at least in some capacity. And to make matters worse, he knew that you knew that he knew. “Uncomfortable” didn’t do the situation justice.

“If you do not have any other questions, miss, you are cleared to leave.” 4-3B’s tone could only be described as irritated, at least by medical droid standards.

With that, you hopped off the table and started towards the door, avoiding your Master’s gaze. 

“Well then, I think I’m going to turn in early for the night. I’ll see you tomorrow, Master,” you said quickly, already pulling the door open. You didn’t bother addressing Ben—trying to create as much distance between you and him in the sterile room.

“Not so fast.” Master Skywalker stopped the door with the Force, freezing it just shy of being wide enough for you to escape. “Since I have the two of you here, there’s something I’d like to discuss.”

Your pulse thrummed in your ears and throat, deafening you. You nodded and released the door handle, watching as it slowly latched shut. 

Trepidation rolled through your stomach as you turned on your heels to face your Master, catching a glimpse of Ben seated in the corner as you did. He looked equally as displeased with the situation, his arms crossed over his chest and jaw tense as he sat slouched in the chair.

In the time that had passed as Master Skywalker articulated himself, the multitude of possible outcomes of this conversation ran through your mind—calculating every unique way he could chastise and dismiss you and Ben from the Academy. Would he be forthright and tell you that your illicit affair was against the Jedi Code? Or was he going to tip-toe around the subject before completely derailing your lives?

“Look, you two. I’m hesitant to send you off on a journey alone,” he said plainly, his arms crossed over his chest and eyes boring into your soul.

Your heart hammered in your chest with enough force to break your ribs and leap out onto the eerily clean floor. You swallowed thickly, conjuring up any possible excuse that could throw him off your scent.

Before you could speak, he continued. “I’m worried about what could happen out there if the two of you go without me…” He pulled his beard between his fingers, stroking it anxiously.

The three of you sat steeped in uncomfortable silence as you each processed your thoughts. You resisted the urge to glance at Ben as panic rose in your chest, followed closely by crushing disappointment. The last thing you wanted was for your Master to impose himself on your only chance at true alone time with Ben, your only opportunity to exist without the burden of the Jedi Order weighing on your conscience.

The previously mended cracks in your heart ruptured into deep, cavernous abysses at the realization. You could never truly be with Ben—not even in the capacity that you had expected to be for this one trip. The harsh reality was that these two things would always be mutually exclusive, and you weren’t sure which one you would rather live without.

“Master, I–” you started to say before Master Skywalker interrupted you.

“I know that I’m probably just being paranoid, but I can’t jeopardize your safety like this.”

“I’m going with her, aren’t I?” Ben’s voice cutting in reeled you back from your spiraling thoughts. He tilted his head as he stared at his uncle. “Do you doubt my ability to keep us safe, Master?”

The question hung in the air uncomfortably long as Master Skywalker glared back at him, his gray eyes slightly narrowed.

“It’s not that I doubt your abilities, Ben—I wouldn’t have entrusted you with this task if I didn’t. What I’m trying to say is that…” He paused, seemingly forcing the next words out of his mouth. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you out there.”

Ben scoffed as he stood from his seat. “But you’re fine with leaving the rest of your students behind?”

Your eyes widened a bit at his response. After all, it was a valid point.

“The Academy is safer than the expanse of the galaxy,” Master Skywalker said sharply.

“It may be, but that doesn’t mean you have to coddle us like we’re children.” Ben stepped closer towards him, towering over him. “We’ll be fine, Master. Besides, if we do run into any issues, we’ll have our comlinks and the Grimtaash’s communications to call for help.”

Master Skywalker brought his hand up to his mouth in thought. In the silence, you swore that your racing heart could be heard.

After what felt like an eternity had passed, he relented. “Fine. But I expect you to spend the rest of the afternoon checking the connections of those coms and reporting back to me when they’re cleared.”

Ben nodded in agreement and turned to face you, only taking a few long strides before reaching the door. You moved back to allow him room, still conscious of the pair of eyes that were following the both of you.

Ben yanked the door back and leaned back against it, propping it open and silently ushering you and Master Skywalker out of the infirmary. You ducked out first, wasting no time in returning to the students’ quarters.

A few moments later, you heard the sound of the two men bidding each other farewell, followed by heavy footsteps landing behind you. Unsurprisingly, Ben was catching up to you as his uncle walked away in the opposite direction.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing you by your shoulder and stopping you. 

“Hey…?” you replied, trying to slough his hand from your body, conscious of possible prying eyes.

He stared down at you, bewildered by your reaction. “Don’t you think we should talk about what happened out there?”

In the chaos of the last thirty minutes, you had almost forgotten about what had landed you in the infirmary in the first place.

“Oh…yeah.” You resumed your pace at a slower rate as Ben walked beside you, your reply dying in the air as you continued towards the huts.

“You’re not nearly as freaked out as I had expected you to be,” he said with a light laugh. “That was insane!”

You looked up from the ground beneath you to meet his gaze. “What was that, Ben?” Your voice was low as you spoke, revealing your true concern. “I’ve never felt anything like it before. I’m not freaked out—I’m terrified.”

The silence that followed was haunting, an acknowledgment that what had happened was beyond a simple scrimmage or Force abilities. It was more powerful than that, something larger than the both of you.

“I’ve never felt anything like it before, either. All I know is that it must somehow be connected to us,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “Stellar insight, Ben.”

“Let me finish,” he said, his voice was somewhere between stern and lighthearted. “What I mean is that it must be related to the connection we share. People don’t just communicate telepathically through the Force.”

“Yes, I’m well aware of that,” you scoffed. 

What was he trying to say?

“So… What if this is a sign?” He stopped walking beside you, cuing you to do the same.

“A sign about what? I don’t think this is something that you can make sense of—you just have to accept it at face value.” You stepped closer to him, lowering your volume. “We share something unique, and it’s all because of the Force, or some other, unexplainable entity. Or maybe it’s just an enigma we must accept that we’ll never understand.” There was a hint of defeat in your tone.

“It certainly is unique…” Ben trailed, his eyes tracing over your features as he spoke. His gaze was as intense as ever, his brown eyes clouded with an indiscernible emotion as they flitted down to your lips. He pulled you closer by your waist, leaving little room between your bodies.

Your eyes darted around the area as you pulled away from him. “Ben, no,” you hissed, prying his fingers off your body. “What the hell are you doing?”

He grinned down at you as he turned on his heels and dropped his hands from your waist. “Follow me.” 

His voice was quiet and gravelly, and unfortunately for you, irresistible. Before you could think critically, your legs were already carrying you behind him, tied to him like a shadow.

“Where are we going?” you asked as you worked to keep up with him.

He glanced over his shoulder, cocking an eyebrow at you. “To show you around the ship.”

After a shorter walk than you expected, you found yourself in front of a field of grounded starships, each ranging in size, model, and color. There were smaller models scattered around, such as X-Wings and A-Wings, as well as a few freighters—the names of which you couldn’t conjure even if you tried. There must have been at least a dozen ships in the clearing, as if each one belonged to an individual student.

You stared at the ships with a childish wonder, amazed by each and every one of them. Of course, you had seen ships before—even traveled in one once before—but it was nothing compared to the fleet in front of you.

Every faded exterior and cosmetic damage on the surface of the metal panels told a story, each one of these crafts living a life of its own as a fighter against the Empire, a smuggler of stolen goods, or a transport full of refugees from the formerly occupied systems of the galaxy. Master Skywalker was breathing new life into each one of them here at his Academy.

Ben approached one charcoal gray freighter in particular, tapping his fingers quickly on the screen beside its massive door and lowering the ramp.

“Why have I never seen these before?” you asked, moving closer towards the lowering walkway of the ship.

“Is this not where T-2LC dropped you off when you arrived? I would’ve thought you would have seen the shipyard by now.”

“T-2…” you mumbled, racking your brain to recall the details of that day.

“The protocol droid that navigated the ship here. Elsie picked you up on Dantooine, right?”

The memory of the shiny silver droid came rushing back, remembering how it greeted you and introduced itself as you boarded the transport, just moments after you had taken one last look at your mother standing at the base of the ship. You cleared your throat and pushed the memory aside, ignoring the sting in your chest at the thought of your home.

“Oh, yeah…I remember now,” you said quietly.

Ben was standing at the base of the ramp, evidently waiting for you to stop rummaging through the memory of your interaction with the droid to come join him. As you came to a stop beside him, he slipped his hand into yours, causing you to instinctively pull back.

“It’s okay. No one’s going to see us out here,” he whispered.

You inhaled a deep breath and relaxed into his touch, giving his big hand a squeeze as he guided you up the ship’s ramp.

The interior was almost as dark as the exterior, just slightly warmer in hue. Lined with seats, control panels, and collectables from all over the galaxy, the belly of the ship was welcoming, luring you in to explore every detail.

You did, breaking free from Ben’s grasp and rushing forward, investigating the contents behind every sliding door and admiring each encased souvenir perched on the embedded shelving. Where are these from? What epic adventure is responsible for each collection piece? Your thoughts were moving faster than the speed of light as you ran your index finger through the thin layer of dust on one shelf.

Ben watched from the entryway with amusement as you pulled apart his ship, before entering the cockpit and powering the machinery on. 

The engines didn’t rumble as he flipped switches on the control panel, leading you to believe he was only turning on the electricity in the ship. Your theory was confirmed when soft yellow lights flickered on around you, embedded in both the ceiling and floorboards.

“I hope you know I’m never leaving this place,” you called out as you toyed with the checkered table in front of a curved row of seats. You hadn’t played holochess since grade school, but you knew a Dejarik table when you saw one. 

After a moment of fumbling with the switches, you finally managed to start a new game. A hologram of the classic chess pieces appeared from the center of the table. You let out an excited squeal as you flipped through the options before stopping on your favorite piece, seeing it for the first time again in over a decade.

“You play holochess?” Ben asked, leaning against the cockpit doorway. From the look on his face, you could tell that he was in his element here, ready to pilot the ship at a moment’s notice. His sharp features were softened by the ambient glow that flooded the space. 

For a brief moment, you allowed yourself to imagine that this was just another conversation in a day of the life you shared with him, one where perhaps the two of you were freighters—or even more dangerous—smugglers, hauling cargo across the galaxy every day for a sweet profit.

Movement from the holochess pieces in front of you pulled you from your daydream, violently throwing you back into reality.

“I dabble. If you’d like, I’d gladly kick your ass in a quick round,” you said, forcing a smile—one that felt just a tad too wide to be sincere.

“Like you kicked my ass during training?”

“Exactly like training.”

“I might take you up on that after I finish checking these comms. After all, I need to even the score…” he said slowly, pushing himself off of the doorframe and moving closer towards you. 

You rolled your eyes before staring off into the translucent image of the Kintan strider waiting idly above the round tabletop, your smile beginning to fade as heartache crept in. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He took the seat next to you and wrapped an arm around your back and another under your legs, pulling you across his lap. "Are you worried that I might actually kick your ass?"

A weak chuckle escaped from your throat as you wrapped your arms behind his neck, shaking your head in disagreement. The lingering thoughts of a domestic life with him were shoved out of the window in your mind as you rested your head on his chest.

The two of you stayed there for a moment, holding each other in peaceful silence as you counted each steady thump of his heartbeat and twirled your fingers around his dark locks. This was it. This was the closest thing to domesticity you could have with him.

"So..." you finally said, "is this ship yours? Or is it, like, shared with other students?"

“It’s mine,” he answered, his voice vibrating through you as you sat pressed against his ribs. “Just mine.”

You nodded slightly. “Does everyone else have their own, too?”

“No, just a few students. Not many people want to subject themselves to the required flying lessons with Master Skywalker.” The statement transformed into a soft laugh as he pictured what you could only assume was his own lessons with Master Skywalker.

“I can’t even imagine what it’s like,” you said, picturing yourself frantically trying to pilot a ship as Master Skywalker corrected your technique, holding onto the seat harness for dear life.

“It was pretty rough. The only saving grace for me was I already knew a bit from what my dad and his buddy had taught me,” he said softly. “Otherwise, I think I would’ve quit after the first lesson.”

His expression was warmer than it had been the last time he spoke about his father. You saw the opportunity in front of you and seized it, continuing your questions about his family. 

“Your dad taught you how to fly?” You slid your fingers down his neck and over his shoulders as you waited for his response.

“Just the basics. He never actually let me practice flying, though.” His tone was becoming apathetic as he spoke, raising the alarm in your head that this was not a subject you should probe further.

“Ah, I see…” you mumbled, leaving behind a long pause as you scrambled to change the subject. “Well, uh, I really like your ship.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he replied with a quiet chuckle, seemingly relieved to be off the subject as well. “Although, there’s still one more room you need to see.”

As much as you would have liked to have stayed wrapped in his arms all day, you shifted off his lap and climbed out of the lounge, raising an eyebrow at him as you waited for him to show you the way.

The ship was certainly larger than the transport that carried you here, but considering the size of the main hold, you couldn’t imagine there was much space to spare.

Ben led the way through a tight corridor to the mystery room, your anticipation building with each step. Maybe it’s some sort of a glass, star observatory room, you thought. But, wait—isn’t that what the cockpit is?

After a short walk through the curved hallway of the ship, Ben stopped in front of another sliding door and entered the passcode into the touchpad, revealing what appeared to be the captain’s quarters.

The room was larger than you had expected it to be, making you wonder where this space was kept from an outside view of the ship. The walls were lined with white, cushioned tiles and detailed with pale blue and violet accents. A small kitchenette was tucked in the corner, separated from the rest of the room by a bar table with two stools anchored beneath it. Across from the kitchen was a spacious bed built into the wall, allowing for more floor space in the suite. 

You stepped inside and walked over to the kitchenette, inspecting the high-tech appliances on the counter and peeking into the cabinets. When you turned around, you saw Ben crouched in front of the bed, taking inventory of the drawers’ contents beneath it.

The same heartache from earlier returned as you watched him, your reckless imagination fueled by the sight in front you. This could be your life—coming back to your shared room after a long day, changing into your sleepwear and crawling under the deep purple duvet before snuggling into each other’s embrace. You two would make trivial conversation and maybe even share a kiss or two—or three—before falling asleep and doing it all again the next day.

“So…” The sound of Ben’s voice yanked you from your thoughts. He was now seated on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his elbows.

“Yes?”

“What do you think of it?” He motioned at the space around you, gauging your reaction. “I already stocked it with snacks and extra sets of clothes for you.”

You stood in front of him and pressed your palm into the mattress, testing its quality. It was soft and spongy, remembering the shape of your hand after you had lifted it. Certainly an upgrade from the Academy’s furnishings.

“Sets? Like, plural?” you asked, viciously picking at the skin around your nails. “How long are we going to be gone?”

He sighed. “That depends on how long it takes you to find your crystal.”

You blinked at him, your pulse rising in your throat. "Does it usually take a long time to find one?"

“Not necessarily. I can’t really say though, it’s different for everyone,” he said as he laid back on the mattress, his hair strewn around him like a dark halo.

A blend of excitement and anxiety consumed you. Excitement to be truly alone with Ben for the first time ever, but fearful to possibly fail at achieving this milestone. What if you couldn’t find a crystal at all? What if you weren’t meant to become a Jedi and you were just wasting Master Skywalker’s resources and time?

Noticing your concern, Ben grabbed your wrist gently and guided you to sit next to him. “It’s going to be okay. If it ends up taking you a little longer to find one, we’ll just make a trip to an outpost for extra food and supplies.”

You nodded and laid down beside him, your feet still planted on the floor. His confidence was almost contagious, nearly successful in convincing you that you were going to be fine. But deep down, you knew that you wouldn’t be relieved until you had your kyber crystal in your hands.

A beat passed before either of you said anything else. His hand found yours again and rubbed soothing circles over the back of it.

“As nerve-wracking as it is, I am really excited for this,” you said quietly, focusing on the pattern of his thumb on your skin.

Ben smiled in return—his authentic, beautiful smile that you loved so much. "I am, too." His honey eyes traced over your face, memorizing you.

“And this bed,” you said, rolling onto your side to face him as you poked a finger into the mattress. “It’s like laying on a cloud.”

He chuckled. “It’s certainly an upgrade from our cots.”

“I think I could stay here forever…” you sighed and paused, hesitant to complete the thought. “Stay here with you.”

He searched your eyes for a beat before his wide pupils darted down to your lips. A moment later, his lips were on yours, kissing you fiercely as he ran a hand along your waist. You moaned into the kiss as his grip tightened on your hip, pushing you onto your back and pinning you against the mattress.

A small gasp escaped your lips as he abruptly pulled away, slowly lowering his elbows on either side of your head.

“Ben–”

He silenced you with another kiss. "I've been waiting all day for this," he said, his voice low. "Watching you out there was driving me fucking insane."

You couldn’t help the smirk that spread across your face. Was that why he was being so broody today?

Now wasn't the time to be asking these questions, not when you were pinned beneath him in his ship’s private bedroom.

“You mean it?” you purred, egging on his compliments.

He snatched your wrists in his big hand and brought them up above your head, leaning down until his face was only inches from yours. “Yes, I mean it.”

His body above yours and his dark tone caused your head to spin as desire stirred between your legs.

“Seeing my girl out there, kicking everyone’s ass just like I knew she would.”

Warmth rushed to your cheeks, either from his comment or from the heat radiating off of his body. My girl. Somehow, the endearment felt more intimate than his usual “princess.”

“I couldn’t have done it without your help,” you said, stretching your neck up to capture his lips.

He parted your legs with his knee and pressed you further into the mattress with his chest, kissing you roughly as he did. He released your wrists, but the pressure of his hands remained, an invisible restraint still holding them in place.

Pleased with himself, he leaned back and smiled at you, dark curls falling into his face as he watched you struggle against the Force.

"You son of a—" you started to say before a long finger pressing against your lips stopped you. You squirmed beneath him, trying to pull your hands free.

“If you keep moving, I’ll just tighten it.”

As different as this was, you actually didn’t mind it. In fact, there was something liberating about allowing him to have total control.

He pulled your robes apart and easily tugged them over your head before sliding his hands under the waistband of your pants. In an effort to make less work for him, you kicked off your boots, each one landing with a thud on the vinyl floor.

“Always so eager,” Ben said as he dipped closer to your ear, his warm breath sending a chill throughout your body.

"You're one to talk," you said breathlessly, your senses captivated by his hand slowly moving under your waistband.

He chuckled, the vibration rattling your brain as he dragged his lips down your jaw and neck. 

Gooseflesh erupted over your skin as his fingers slipped under the thin material of your underwear, rubbing languid circles over your sensitive clit. Another gasp left your lips, followed by a soft whimper as he added light pressure, immersing you in pure bliss.

“Listen to you, princess,” he growled as he lowered his lips to yours, silencing the ensuing moan. “Go ahead, be as loud as you’d like in here.”

The statement felt more like a command than an invitation, but you didn’t need much incentive to comply. You relaxed into the mattress, letting your pleasure dictate the curses and moans leaving your mouth.

Ben kept his thumb on your clit as he lowered two fingers down to your entrance, instantly meeting the warmth gathering there. His eyes darkened and a tiny smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth.

“Fuck, you’re already so wet,” he whispered, slowly pushing his fingers inside of you.

You opened your mouth to speak, but all that came out was a stuttered breath. He stretched you quickly, working his fingers deeper inside of you as his thumb rubbed tight circles over your clit.

It wasn’t long before you had adjusted to him, the initial pain subsiding into pleasure. You shut your eyes and allowed yourself to be submerged in the waves of bliss that washed over your body.

Fire licked at your skin as the blended sensation of his dexterous fingers effortlessly carried you towards your peak. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna co–”

“No,” he snapped, pulling his hand out from under your pants. “Not yet, you aren’t.”

“What?” you panted, ripping your eyes open and shooting him a puzzled look. You groaned at the loss of contact as your ecstasy fizzled out, turning into a smoldering ember.

He didn’t respond, only stepping back and silently stripping the heavy robes off of his body. 

The invisible grip holding your arms disappeared, and without him even saying a word, you knew why he had released you. You wiggled out of your pants and underwear before tugging your bra over your head and tossing it aside.

Just as you had adjusted yourself to lay properly on the bed, Ben replaced the invisible restraint around your wrists, pinning them against the silk pillow behind you.

You scoffed as you tried again to free yourself. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” he said as he crawled over you, lowering his body until it was almost touching yours. “If you want to come, I suggest you stop fighting it.”

You could tell he was enjoying this—having the power in the situation. And truthfully, it was incredibly hot.

"Okay..." you said, drawing the word out as you looked up at him with doe eyes.

He propped himself up on one elbow, his free hand tracing down your neck until he reached the skin between your breasts. Your heart slammed against your ribs with each beat, undoubtedly pulsating through his fingertips as they rested over your sternum. He lingered there for a moment before cupping one of your breasts with his hand, gently rolling your nipple between the rough pads of his fingers.

You melted into his touch, letting out a relieved moan as you relaxed into the pillows behind you.

“That’s better,” he said as he lowered his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly. 

His fingers grazed over your stomach as he reached for your aching clit, passing over it with just a quick circle before stopping at your entrance. You rolled your hips against his hand, silently pleading for more.

His touch was featherlight as he spread your desire around your cunt before replacing his fingers with the head of his cock, dragging it over your clit. You watched in awe as he did, trying to memorize how his hair fell haphazardly into his face and his plush lips parted in concentration. The sight alone was enough to reignite the ember in your belly.

Sparks buzzed in your stomach as he aligned himself with you, his dark eyes meeting yours one last time, drinking in the image of your body sprawled out beneath him.

Slowly, he sank into you, releasing a deep groan from his chest as he did. You fought the urge to reach up for him, to wrap your hands around his shoulders for support as he moved inside of you.

You quickly adjusted to his size this time, having already had his fingers warming you up. Even still, he had to stop and pull back every so often to fully fit inside of you.

“You feel so fucking good,” he sighed into your neck, peppering wet kisses onto the skin. His fingers brushed over your chest and arm before interlocking with yours when he reached the invisible bind. “You’re so tight, baby.”

Between the sensation of him fucking you and his sweet adorations, your orgasm was steadily building again, your senses heightening with each thrust.

“Fuck—please—don’t stop,” you breathed between moans, wrapping your legs tighter around him to bring him closer to you.

He flexed his jaw as he pulled his hand free from yours, moving to hold your hips firmly as his fingers dug into your flesh. His movements were becoming uneven, evidence of his own desire.

“You did so well today, my good fucking girl…” he grunted, pushing into you harder. “And you’re being so good for me right now, too.”

Your addled brain was swimming at his words, and before you could say anything in response, a familiar sensation began buzzing around your clit.

“Oh, fuck! Just like that—right there,” you cried, practically babbling as the Force propelled you towards your peak.

“I want you to come when I tell you to,” Ben said as he propped himself up and unlatched your ankles from his waist, gripping them tightly as he pulled them over his shoulders.

You only nodded in response, unable to push coherent words out between breaths. 

In this new position, he was able to fuck you deeper, his cock rubbing against sensitive spots you didn’t even know existed. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stave off your impending orgasm.

“Ben, I can’t,” you said between breaths. “I’m gonna–”

“Yes, you can. Just a little bit longer, baby.” His own pleasure was bleeding into his tone, the muscles in his shoulders and back becoming tense beneath your legs.

It felt nearly impossible to hold off any longer, but just as you were about to give in, the pressure around your wrists disappeared. Without hesitation, you wove your fingers in his hair, pulling him down as close to you as you possibly could.

The muscles in your legs burned as he continued to fuck you, leaning down and hovering above your lips, his ragged breath warm as he spoke. “Come for me.”

Euphoria ripped through you, staining your vision with blinding, white light as your orgasm washed over you, cries of pleasure ripping free from your chest. Your cunt pulsed around Ben’s cock as you came down from your high, causing his movements to become rushed and erratic.

Still rolling through the aftershocks of your climax, your eyes fluttered open, seeing Ben above you, mouth open and eyes screwed shut as he chased his own peak. It wasn’t long before his hips stilled inside you, his fingers bruising your skin as he gripped your thighs, filling you with his cum.

The world was spinning around you as he slowly pulled out of you, causing warmth to drip down your skin as he did. He collapsed on his forearms and kissed you gently, moving his lips lazily against yours as you both relished the endorphins coursing through your veins.

When he finally broke the kiss, you cleared your throat and nodded down at the mess between your legs. “Um, Ben? Can you…?” 

He was already on his feet and pulling his pants over his hips, his gaze intense as he watched you lying helplessly on the bed.

“Don’t worry about the sheets, but as for that,” he said with a light laugh as he secured his pants, towering over you with one knee pressed into the mattress. “Let me take care of that.”

He carefully traced his fingers along your sensitive skin, gathering the warm cum that was spilling out of your cunt.

“What the fuck are yo—oh!” you gasped as he pushed his coated fingers inside your entrance again. While it was not at all what you were expecting, the grin on his face as admired his good work made your heart beat violently in your chest.

“Better?” he asked, slipping his fingers out of you and wiping the remnants off on the sheets.

“Yeah, better,” you whispered as he handed you the pile of your discarded clothes.

“That’s my girl.”

You pulled your underwear back on, instantly feeling his cum beginning to leak out of you as you sat up. Lovely.

Despite your mild irritation, you couldn’t deny how oddly exhilarating it was to have his cum soaking your underwear. 

You stood from the bed and finished dressing, smoothing out the creases in your robes as a final touch. 

Ben placed a hand on the small of your back as he steered you towards the door. “Now, we really should get back to checking the coms.”

[asachuu]

It’s that time of the month, folks, you know what that means…naturally, my thoughts on Fifteen’s phases 16-17, as well as just some more stuff I simply want to add, because this manga keeps on giving me things to talk about, for better or for worse.

Please note that there will be image spoilers for phases 16-17 below, proceed with caution.

This will be more of a freehand ramble about whatever comes to mind while I’m typing, I’m admittedly somewhat tired today and there’s not much new I could really add as a whole atop the persisting flaws in it, but what I will say is that I’m now starting to think even Chuuya fans are slightly losing here as well, looking at some of these panels. That is not to say they’re badly drawn, once more, I must give all credit to the artwork as I have to admit I very much like it and appreciate the effort that goes into it, but the focus of many of these pages seems to be purely to shock, intimidate or disturb the viewer in a certain way by highlighting the exaggerated abilities of the characters, rather than having the visuals balanced with the actual point of the story itself, which is not— and never has been— about the amounts of power Arthur and Chuuya hold, respectively. Perhaps I will be repeating myself here, but if anyone is to read the novel, they’ll come to find out that there is no more focus on abilities than there is on expanding Dazai, Chuuya and Arthur as characters and human beings within the story of BSD.

Nevertheless, it just so happens that Chuuya thankfully has a certain fanbase, of which the majority of people seem to understand he isn’t meant to be a cold-hearted maniac despite harboring the power of Corruption and being depicted/interpreted in various ways showcasing the extent of his abilities, but speaking from personal experience, the same can’t be said about anyone who comes to know of Arthur, which I don’t mean inherently negatively— I was also once such a person, for which I must sarcastically thank the anime adaptation that initially introduced me to him. At least, on Chuuya’s end, there are always attempts to show his humanity, his actual personality, and I’d have two guesses as to why— first, he’s one of the two most popular BSD characters who has the spotlight on him either by the creators or the fandom almost everywhere he goes; second, his story directly revolves around whether he is or isn’t human anyway, so it’s entirely understandable that a contrast between himself and his abilities would make sense to show, even sometimes exaggerate, just like in Hoshikawa’s adaptation.

Unfortunately, this contrast is just lost on Arthur’s end, because there is no other side of him being anyhow shown to the readers. Personally, I wouldn’t come out thinking Chuuya is some kind of heartless monster, given that he’s shown to interact with other characters normally, he’s seen coming back to his senses after a few panels, and generally, no matter what has been cut out and what has been left in, it just so happens that there is simply enough content of him to be able to merely afford to do any of this— all of which can’t be said about Arthur, who has all the necessary content to understand his character better specifically in the Fifteen light novel (and Stormbringer), not scattered all around several other books and mangas to be able to sacrifice one adaptation of the source material and still carry on. Albeit we still haven’t seen the end of the fight, in which I’m dearly hoping his dialogue is going to be portrayed properly with the same emotion it was presented to us with in the light novel as the absolute last chance for this to turn around in the slightest, I can safely say that there were opportunities to create this same effect with Arthur as with Chuuya, yet these opportunities were all passed up.

From the start, we’re introduced to this strange, yet harmless-looking sub-executive of the Port Mafia, that of which is revealed to be a ruse set up by him, and from that point onwards, throughout the fight, there is no further indication of anything beyond Arthur supposedly being nothing other than a simple cartoon supervillain who doesn’t really care about his actions, even though the novel has enough evidence scattered around that he does— he doesn’t want to be in that situation, he doesn’t actually want to kill anyone, and what he’s after is a memory of someone most dear to him which he’s desperate to get back, and believe it or not, all of this dialogue is, in fact, not supposed to be said coldly and flatly before having his ability centered to no end once more, shining the light on that aspect instead of a character who was originally someone most unfortunate and hopeless, someone who was in an inescapable situation that would have never ended well for him no matter what he’d done, and someone who was far from the person being portrayed in the manga currently.

With all that being said, one more thing I’d like to point out, which is a bit more specific to phases 16/17 at the current moment, is the way the interactions between Chuuya and Arthur are being portrayed as of right now. In the novel, it is made quite clear the two are, indeed, opponents in their fight, but Arthur has no actual desire to kill Chuuya, and Chuuya himself doesn’t actually hold anything against Arthur— in fact, it’s quite explicit in showcasing the fact that Chuuya has respect for him, understanding his motive of wanting to save a dear friend, even cursing out Dazai for not believing it or taking it seriously, and never showing any kind of outward excitement for this fight, which…will be relevant in just a second. If that’s not enough to convince a person, there’s also Chuuya visiting Arthur’s grave further in the novel and quite literally stating he will return to it again, and before that, I believe that Arthur telling Chuuya to live in his last moments also speaks volumes about the fact that there was no resentment or genuine conflict between the two, rather an unfortunate fate they were met with. In the manga, however, I don’t think it’s a reach to say that I’m not quite getting the same feeling. I’ll go ahead and admit that I’m focusing on this because of personal bias, but even despite that, I feel as though having Arthur written off as merely Chuuya’s opponent and nothing more is still not the right way to go about it, considering what I said before— there wasn’t an actual hostility between the two, and not only did Arthur tell Chuuya to live, he also was the one to call Chuuya a human being and see him as such, that of which I’d expect far more attention to just due to the mere nature of Chuuya’s character.

Now, for the first time ever, I will go into some very specific details, because I need them to show what I’m talking about. All further translation credits go to DarkestJay868 on Twitter.

This page from phase 16 was the one right after what was originally Arthur’s monologue about wanting to save his partner, and I believe it’s quite clear how I feel about that part, but I haven’t redrawn this page in particular despite it being in my original plans, so it’s only fair I give my thoughts on it while it’s relevant.

I would normally only nitpick these aspects privately instead of posting them online, but since this manga makes even such small things important for all the wrong reasons, I have to point them out. I initially didn’t think so much of this page, though I did find it a peculiar choice to make him look almost excited for the fight, atop the final line which never appeared in the novel itself— something that may seem insignificant, but ultimately, it does create the effect that Chuuya is somewhat eager to engage in this conflict for whatever reason, which is simply not the case. I could go on about some smaller dialogue changes, even his lack of harshness towards Dazai’s comments that makes his original reaction quite downplayed, but I’m leaving those in a quick mention of acknowledgment, as they’re only secondary to what I’m aiming at here.

I would have ignored this, given there’s a much bigger issue for me to focus on, had Chuuya and Arthur’s skewed interactions not continued onwards to phase 17 as well— more specifically, after Chuuya’s attacks, by the end of the chapter.

If someone were to tell me these two didn’t actually have any kind of internal conflict going on between them beforehand, I wouldn’t have believed it for a second, but here we are. From the first page, in which the original Chuuya of the novel was hurt and tired instead of almost feeling as though he isn’t taking anything too seriously, all while Arthur never said a word that nearly implies him looking down on the latter (his direct quote is “Nothing I say will help…this is my space”, you simply cannot tell me that isn’t far more neutral than what the manga turned it into), to the second page, where not only is Chuuya’s first line much more accusatory and directed at Arthur himself, rather than the original (“…everyone’s an ant to a European ability user…”), but also, might I add that Arthur wasn’t the one to hold Chuuya in place? It’s explicitly stated that Chuuya could no longer avoid the attacks by fault of using too much of his power, and even though this may sound like an insignificant detail when one is to consider the following scene of the novel— that is, almost being the one to end Chuuya’s life, which is absolutely no less cruel than a mere action like that— it still gives off the impression as though there’s some kind of hostility between them when there really wasn’t, not even during a fight to the death, and that, in the context of this manga and its very likely fandom reception…well, I’d much rather just cover even the smallest of details than watch as it ultimately gets misconstrued, as so much media surrounding this novel often does.

Anyway, that’s my take on these chapters for now. I’m aware it’s messy, I’ve only seen phase 17 a couple of hours ago and haven’t exactly prepared some kind of proper dissection. Naturally, feel free to take all this with a grain of salt, or even a whole bucket of it, because yes, I am very salty about the way this manga is going, but I’m hoping to ultimately compare it to the novel and give my own opinion on the development here.

[twistedtummies2]

Fifteen Days of Disney Magic - Number 13

Welcome to Fifteen Days of Disney Magic! In honor of the company’s 100th Anniversary, I am counting down my Top 15 Favorite Movies from Walt Disney Animation Studios! Today’s entry is the source of Disney’s Anthem. Number 13 is…Pinocchio.

“When You Wish Upon a Star, Makes No Difference Who You Are…” I don’t know how many people now would place this film so high in their personal rankings, but in animation circles, “Pinocchio” is considered not only massively important, but also a massively impressive feature, on an artistic level. This was Disney’s second full-length animated movie, and the whole conceit of the project seems to be, “Go big, or go home.” Nearly everything that made “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” impressive seems to be “upped” in this feature. The music in “Snow White” is charming, but “Pinocchio” is home to Disney’s Anthem. The illustrative aesthetics of Snow White seem to be given an upgrade; this movie is DRIPPING with atmosphere. Everything feels so rich and detailed, with so much texture and weight to it, and the scope of the film – which has also been upped – allows for a lot more variety in the environments we travel through. As Pinocchio goes on his many adventures, we move from humble cottages to grand theaters, demented carnivals, and the vast ocean itself. The darkness has also been upped. I would argue that “Pinocchio” is at least a strong candidate for Disney’s single darkest movie ever made. At first, this may seem odd; as most people probably know by now, Disney did dumb down the story quite a lot. In the original book, things got not just disturbing but downright brutal, sometimes even gory. Not only that, but the original Pinocchio was very much a little brat: the idea of him having no conscience, in the original story, was that he was a bad seed, who had to learn how to be a good person. He was a troublemaker who had to learn a lesson. For the Disney film, the character of Pinocchio is softened up QUITE considerably: this version of the character is instead a pure innocent. He’s not inherently bad, he’s just…inherently ignorant. He doesn’t fully understand the world around him, and he’s just trying to figure it out and survive the experience. Surviving, on that note, is NOT easy for him: at every turn, Pinocchio’s very EXISTENCE is under threat. Some scenes in this film are so horrifying, they’re still named as among the scariest moments in any animated feature, or heck, any movie ever made PERIOD. Just because it’s dumbed down from the source, it doesn’t mean it isn’t still utterly SADISTIC when it wants to be.

On the note of darkness, if you’re a Disney Villains fan, then you’ll be happy to know that this movie has more major rogues in it than perhaps any other theatrical Disney feature: as the story goes on, Pinocchio and his sidekick, Jiminy Cricket, have to work their way past an escalation of increasingly nasty baddies. From the con-artists, Honest John and Gideon; to the two-faced puppeteer, Stromboli; to the diabolically disturbing Coachman; and finally to the man-eating Monstro. With each new challenge, Pinocchio learns and adapts. His courage, optimism, and perseverance ultimately see him through. On that note, what I do like about this movie – and what I think it actually achieves that is BETTER than its source material – is that it balances its dark and light elements in a very good way. For all the nasty characters, deranged visuals, and morbid scenarios…Pinocchio and those closest to him are all wholesome, funny, and loveable characters the audience can relate to and enjoy. It’s one of those stories where the darkness helps one appreciate the light a little more: after going through this crucible with these protagonists, the happy ending feels even better than expected. I imagine Don Bluth and possibly Brad Bird probably took a lot of inspiration from this film, since their movies also seem to have this wonderful blend of cynicism and positivity. Films like “Iron Giant” and “An American Tail” are also stories where the humor and joy is amplified by the dread and despair that comes with finding it. The film is equal parts inspiring and utterly insane, and if that doesn’t sound like a story I’d love…you clearly don’t know me very well, do ye, folks? ;) The countdown continues tomorrow with my 12th Favorite Disney Movie! HINT: The One That Started It All.

[stillwanderingflame]

Now several days out from my viewing of Dune Part Two I think I'm ready to put down thoughts about it. Musings with very vague spoilers under the cut.

Visually, it's a fucking phenomenal movie. Villeneuve always blows me away with his directing choices and style (not a month goes by that I don't think about Arrival) so I have no complaints there. It's the ending and the cast that left me a little wanting.

I've seen a couple interviews where Villeneuve explains why he made the changes he did and I do understand them on a logical level, but I'm just bummed with how the movie ended. I'm the type of fan who wants to see what was in the book on the screen, with few changes. I get that creators want to have their own take, or try something new because "you already have the book". Yeah, and that's what I wanted to see!

Good Omens is one of the best adaptations I've ever seen because up until the last episode it was almost word-for-word what was in the book, and I can't express my joy at watching that play out. (I'm actually fine with the changes made in that show. Maybe it has something to do with knowing one of the original creators was there making those changes in a thoughtful way?)

I'm not saying Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya weren't great, but I can't see past the actors to the characters so it was hard to be fully immersed. Also, I'd seen interviews where Chalamet or Zendaya admitted they're such close friends that the romance was weird to film and I could not get that out of my head. When they kissed, I saw two friends filming a scene and not two characters in love, which sucked because I have Big Feelings about Paul and Chani.

With that said, I didn't hate the movie. I enjoyed it (as much as my disrupted viewing could be enjoyed because we had a fire drill in the middle and then had a full scene with no sound once the movie restarted) but it wasn't the overwhelmingly glorious experience I'd hyped myself up for it to be. Loved Siltgar, loved Gurney, Butler was sufficiently disturbing as Feyd. I'm not sure why Margot Fenring got so much screen time, given how much she's in the book, but possibly Villeneuve just loves Lea Seydoux. NEEDED MORE USE OF THE VOICE. Every single adaptation has nailed that and I eat it up.

Also, can someone please get my man Bautista a role where he's not evil and/or getting killed (and isn't Drax)? I really think he's the best to transition from wrestling to acting (not to mention a sweet guy) and I want him to land a really cool role that shows that. Don't make him the next Sean Bean, I'm begging you.

I don't know if we'll get a third movie but if we do, I'll definitely go see it. I think I'll just try to tempter my expectations more, given the changes made. And at least we'll always have the original movie and miniseries.

[labyrinthoftartarus]

Omori- The Trauma Experience.

Please play audio and video at the given stanzas for the entire experience. Each video and audio contributes heavily to the content. If viewed without them, the content can be confusing/unreadable. You must view the videos of the photo albums. TW- Discussions about mental health, depression, suicide, and death.

Please play music in the given stanzas for a better experience.

Close, your eyes, you'll be here soon.

onetwothreefourfiveminuites sometimes I really want to sleep but I can't do it.

Close your eyes. Everything is going to be okay.

How do you overcome trauma when you are constantly reminded of the experience?

Over

And over again?

How do you overcome the trauma of a situation caused by you when the mere thought of it

Absolutely breaks you?

It is simple. You forget.

You forget it ever happened. You sink into everlasting grief with no recollection of what had transpired. You are at peace. You do not fear the consequences of being reminded of what you have done.

But really, is forgetting...worth it?

Or should I remember my trauma to overcome it?

Omori is a game about remembering when you are trying to forget.

It forces you to accept your trauma and not hide from it. You don't expect anyone to forgive you for your mistakes because the greatest thing you have done is forgive yourself.

Omori aptly captures the psychological effect of trauma and depicts mental illness perfectly. In the gameplay, Omori incorporates visuals, audio, and other elements to make it seem like it was happening to us. Every mental stab at Omori feels like it is directed toward us. Omori perfectly captures how mental illness is experienced through its immersive gameplay, creating an outstanding masterpiece.

In Omori, just like in the real world, you navigate through the real world and your mind to uncover bits and bits of your trauma while going through intense repercussions. You persist along with Omori and overcome your trauma.

You overcome something.

The gameplay works in both the mind and real life of a boy named Sunny, the protagonist in the game.

The truth about his trauma is hidden by Omori, his alter ego. Omori tries to "protect" Sunny from his trauma by never allowing him to think beyond his comfort zone.

Omori is a figment of Sunny's brain, represented by a 12-year-old version of Sunny- when Sunny encountered his trauma. Omori travels in the various parts of Sunny's mind-

The Whitespace is a safe space made by Omori to escape when something triggers Sunny's trauma.

The Headspace- A place in Sunny's imagination wherein he finds the old version of his friends.

███ Space, █████ Space 1 and 2, where █████ ██ ████████ ███ ████ █████ █████ ████████ ███ ██████ █████ █████ █████ ██ ████ ███ ████ ████████ █████ ██ ████ ██████

And, without further ado, let us begin our journey.

Welcome to White Space.

You have been living here for as long as you can remember.

Omori starts off by introducing a pixelated, intriguing figure named Omori. Omori is a young boy confined to a dull, ominous room called the White Space. This room seems like a void, except with this seemingly mundane yet disturbing setup of basic necessities- a laptop with all your entries, a sketchbook containing a few of Omori's artworks, a box of tissues to wipe away all your tears, a black lightbulb, Mewo the cat and a locked door.

The White Space is an unsettling room you are first introduced to in this game. It is an empty space wherein you simply exist. That's it. You stay alive in the white room- not live life.

An emptiness, a home without warmth. A place to survive but not to live.

To leave this infinite space of nothing but white matter, you search around and get a shiny knife. Interesting. It could be a weapon! You happily exit the locked door, which seems to have unlocked once the blade miraculously finds its way into your hands.

White Space isn't reality. It is a corner in the protagonist's mind that is restricted from other parts of his brain and reality. It is a hiding place where he is protected from his troubling past. Nothing can get him here.

White space, Omori.

As soon as you leave Whitespace, you arrive at this new fabulous world decked with neon colors and vibrant hues.

Aerial map of Headspace.

Unlike bland and boring whitespace, Headspace is happy, cheery, silly, and fun. Omori meets up with all of his friends here in Headspace. We meet Mari, Omori's older sister. She's kind, thoughtful, charming, and sweet. We meet Hero, the 'brother' figure- a good-natured, patient guy who happens to be Mari's boyfriend. We meet Kel, Hero's younger brother, a silly little goofball who is fun and energetic. We meet Aubery, a feisty, adorable little girl(Omori seems to have a soft corner for her- I wonder!). Finally, we meet Basil, a shy, sweet and sensitive guy who adores nature.

Omori and his friends. Top(from left to right)- Mari, Hero. Bottom- Kel, Basil, Omori, Aubery.

In Headspace, Sunny's dream world, everything is perfect. You and your friends go on adventures and defeat monsters with your teamwork. In a world with your multi-hued friends, even Omori, the depressing black-and-white personification of a younger Sunny, appears happy.

Basil's photo album, headspace.

Or so, you thought.

Sunny in the real world, haunted by something.

Welcome to reality.

Mari is dead. Hero, just like Sunny, is depressed and hasn't left his home in ages. Kel tries his best to be optimistic and persuades Sunny out of his house for the first time in four years. Aubery isn't the sweet kid anymore but a bully with new friends. Basil is still shy yet depressed.

Basil's photo album in the real world, before Mari's death.

Everything changed ever since Mari committed suicide. Everything has broken apart. Sunny truly cared about his sister, Mari, who was gone forever.

The sun shone brighter when she was here.

Sunny lost everything from the moment Mari committed suicide. He also started to get haunted...by something.

Throughout the game, Sunny(and Omori) stumble across various absurd entities labeled by something each representing one of Sunny's fears(stairs, drowning, spiders, etc.). Sunny uses tactics such as breathing, calming down and persisting, to get through his fears.

3 DAYS LEFT.

In headspace, Kel and Aubery get into a fight and accidentally knock out Basil's photo album, comprising the photos Basil took of their friends. As they group the photographs together, Basil suddenly panics, and upon taking one photo, his eyes fill with intense fear. A black shadow forms behind Basil as he screams out and disappears into the void.

Mari!

Omori and his friends search for Basil, occasionally battling villains and exploring headspace. However, as time goes on, Omori's friends slowly forget Basil.

No bandage can stifle an eternal wound... And there will be a time when its influence will bleed through.

Omori hides the truth, the truth behind this fabricated world of Headspace, and the truth behind his past. However, no bandage can stifle an eternal wound, and there will be one day when all will fall apart.

What happened to Sunny?

What happened to his friends?

Why is Omori living in a fabricated lie in Sunny's mind?

What happened? What is the truth?

███████ to Black Space.

The whole of headspace is a representation of Sunny's mind.

The Headspace forms Sunny's imagination, dreams, and wishes, built specially by Omori to hide his trauma. It includes the conscious part of Sunny's mind.

The Whitespace forms the part of Sunny's mind where he can isolate himself from any potentially disturbing thoughts.

As Omori ventures into headspace, we often stumble upon more intriguing, morbid segments of Sunny's mind. We see strange creatures, strange entities, trying, trying to tell us the truth.

We reach Blackspace, the subconscious of Sunny's mind. This is where the truth about Sunny's past lies.

However, blackspace is neither friendly nor easily navigable. It is an intangible, absurd world with zero coherencies whatsoever. It simply does not make any sense. It is a bizarre reality, composed of fragments of the truth.

Black Space.

The doors in Blackspace are non-linear and have a warped existence, interconnecting and often "seeping" into Headspace. Each room holds a personification of Omori(Sunny)'s deepest, darkest fears.

Strange, bizarre creatures are found in Blackspace.

Above are just a few examples of Blackspace rooms.

In Blackspace, we can see cryptic forms of Mari(popularly known as Hellmari), disembodied versions of Omori's friends, harmful signs and symbols, and yet, the most disturbing thing would be Omori constantly brutally stabbing a shadow Basil when he attempts to tell the truth.

But...what is the meaning of all this?

Sunny's Trauma.

As we move further into the game, we realize how there is something, something dark and horrifying trying to tell us the truth. However, no matter how close we get, we are teleported back to White Space, the supposed safe spot, wherein nothing can potentially harm us.

PTSD

Omori is Sunny's guardian from the truth regarding his trauma. It is, without question, that Sunny suffers from PTSD. Omori experiences several flashbacks throughout the game.

In most cases, people with trauma experience its repercussions not by a fully-fledged memory but by flashes or fragments of the memory. It can appear in form of reminders of the event, noises, short memories, etc.

Memories, dreams, and flashbacks – You might have distressing memories, dreams, or nightmares about the event. You might also experience the event as if it is happening again (this is known as a flashback). Sunny often has flashbacks and flashes of the event. Feeling upset when reminded of the event – You might feel particularly upset when you are near where the event happened or in an environment that reminds you of the event. Sunny has major emotional outbursts(he attacks Basil in real life) when reminded of his trauma. Avoiding feelings and situations – You might avoid memories, thoughts, feelings, things, people, and places associated with the event. Sunny avoids thoughts or events that remind him of his trauma by forgetting his memories deliberately and living out a fantasy. Loss of memory – You might be unable to remember parts of the event. Sunny has an evident loss of memory(dissociative amnesia). Difficult feelings – These can include: feeling negative about yourself, others, or the world blaming yourself or others for what happened negative emotions like fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame being unable to feel happiness, satisfaction, or love toward others Self-explanatory. Changes in the way you act – These can include: not doing or being interested in things you used to enjoy feeling detached from other people acting in ways that are reckless or self-destructive being angry and aggressive towards people or things being hypervigilant, or ‘on guard’ This includes not spending time with friends, acting destructive(trying to hurt Basil), and not playing the violin he used to play.

Depression

Sunny undeniably suffers from Depression, as shown by his refusal to leave his house and the violently horrifying thoughts(especially in blackspace) we witness during our journey with Omori.

Anxiety

Sunny also suffers from severe anxiety, as depicted by encountering spiders, staircases, and water bodies in the gameplay. Sunny sort of seizes up, and we have to...

Persist, breathe, and overcome.

Dissociative Amnesia

Sunny seems to be suffering from Dissociative Amnesia, a condition wherein you forget certain parts of a traumatic event. Omori shields Sunny from the truth about his trauma, making him completely unaware of it.

Dissociative amnesia is a condition in which you can't remember important information about your life. This forgetting may be limited to certain specific areas (thematic) or may include much of your life history and/or identity (general).

Dissociative Identity Disorder(DID)

Sunny might also be suffering from DID, which is apparent in the "split personality" Sunny seems to have- one of the real-life 16-year-old Sunny and the other of a 12-year-old avatar of Omori.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition. Someone with DID has multiple, distinct personalities. The various identities control a person's behavior at different times. The condition can cause memory loss, delusions, or depression. DID is usually caused by past trauma.

Omori enters a Red room filled with arm-shaped thrones, where he sits, ruling over Sunny's consciousness. This is when the truth about Omori slowly dawns on us...

Omori is Sunny's guardian, the mastermind behind this whole world. He attempts to protect Sunny from the repressed truth about his trauma, mercilessly killing those who wish to tell the truth to Sunny, like Basil, for instance. Omori is not a friend but the final boss, and if Sunny succeeds in defeating Omori, he can finally realize...

The truth.

Headspace was built over Blackspace by Omori to seal up its influences. Sunny, who dwelled in Blackspace for a while following his traumatic event, chose to "forget" himself and create a new version of himself who'd protect him-Omori.

The onset of war within oneself.

The final battle between Omori and Sunny heavily symbolizes something we all struggle with- a conflict within oneself.

When Sunny demands the truth, Omori refuses, as the truth could hurt Sunny. However, only with the truth can Sunny move forward, forward from his 12-year-old self and his friends from four years ago.

The fight between Sunny and Omori represents two sides of the same coin- a part of Sunny wants to know the truth, while a part of him wants to escape from it. Part of Sunny desires to grow, while the other part wants to stay 12 forever in his fantasy world.

To recover from trauma, the best way is to remember and learn how to live with it.

Acceptance – Learning to accept that though you can’t change what has happened, you can think differently about the event, the world, and your life. Remembering the event – Remembering what happened without being overwhelmed by fear and distress. You will be able to think about what happened when you want to, rather than through intrusive thoughts or flashbacks. Putting your experiences into words – Talking about what happened so that your mind can store the memories away, and move on to other things. Feeling safer – Helping you to feel more in control of your feelings. This can help you to feel safer, so you won’t need to avoid the memories as much.

Sunny uses his innocent and younger self to feel secure. His 12-year-old self, hurt excessively by his trauma, is now embodied as his protector, who still dwells in his childhood world.

Using his tactics, Sunny defeats Omori in the end by persisting, focusing and breathing- finally overcoming his phobia and trauma. He smashes the black lightbulb in Whitespace and there, he realizes.

The truth.

Ever since Mari started playing the piano, Sunny felt lonely and separated from his older sister. He decided to learn the violin gifted to him by his friends in order to spend more time with Mari.

Soon enough, it became tiresome. Sunny felt like a burden on Mari with the constant mistakes he made. His violin practice made him spend less time with his friends, which made him feel miserable.

Mari and Sunny were about to perform a duet together when they got into an argument at the top of the stairs. Sunny threw the violin in rage, breaking it into pieces. When Mari argued, Sunny pushed her off the stairs.

Mari broke her neck and lay at the bottom of the stairs in a huddle, dead. Sunny, in a panic, dragged Mari to his room. Basil, who arrived at the right time, on witnessing this situation, decided to help Sunny frame it as a suicide and help Sunny out, who was racked with guilt and fear.

They hanged her limp body on a tree. Sunny looked back and saw dead Mari's eye, staring into him. It quickly transfigured into the something he always feared.

Do you want to continue? Yes.

Sunny performs his last duet with Mari. The piece starts off with a beautiful piano serenade and ends with a weeping, shivering, imperfect melody of a violin, indicating the sheer perfection Mari had, while Sunny lacked.

The final duet(Enable Audio).

Sunny forgives himself.

In the ending hospital scene, a very bruised Sunny and Basil meet each other, ready to admit the truth. How does it matter, truly, if others forgive him and Basil when they both forgive themselves?

In the end, Sunny and Basil accepted their fate and decided to forgive themselves and each other. They overcame and moved on.

Sometimes you do a bad thing, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Forgive yourself.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed it, make sure to watch this video. I have taken most of my inspiration for this project from here.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Wait I was think of this fanfic idea which I am not going to write at all but an idea so basically it a Naruto and bleach crossover basically Uryū Ishida is Sasuke Uchiha dad

So basically

My ship in this fanfic

Sasusaku

Uryu x Mikoto

This is an Arby's a Bleach blog

On the other hand, this ask has somehow found the exactly right place on the Internet that it belongs, because I WOULD DIE FOR Uchiha "appeared in like 2 panels" Mikoto, and I spent formative teenage years writing fanfic almost exclusively for Sasuke's dead mom (and his dead dad and his dead cousin and his dead brother). This is all to say I have thoughts about Uchiha Mikoto and what life she might have lived, had she wed Ishida instead of Fugaku.

I think Mikoto was Uchiha by birth as well as by marriage, because the Uchiha Be Like That, so she still would have grown up in the family cabal--if perhaps at a distance from the worst of it, if she doesn't marry the family head. On the other hand, this, of course, did not save Uchiha Shisui. And I think that regardless of specific family lineage, anyone of notable shinobi talent would still be fucked. Perhaps even moreso if her children also possessed the birthright of the Quincy. (I'm imagining this taking place in Narutoland, since Ishida seems like the likelier candidate for multiversal travel, given his resume.)

I think Mikoto would lead a freer life with Ishida, having brought his Karakura sensibilities with him and overall just being a thoughtful, kind person. In turn, Ishida would be familiar with the strictures of the Uchiha clan formation, though I think he might find their obsession with maintaining the family sharingan powers somewhat discombobulating, as contrasted with how he'd grown up under Ryuuken's dismissive attitude towards the Quincy legacy. (Like, I seriously doubt Shisui was the first Uchiha to die by Uchiha. These people and their eyeballs smdh--)

For reasons largely outside of Ishida's control, I imagine Itachi's childhood still ends poorly, regardless of who his father is. The current that pushes him to that riverbank and through the ANBU did not begin with Fugaku, after all. Coming to terms with this is probably very difficult for Ishida, because it forces a hard look at his own clan (formerly sacred territory for him, eternally pristine as a proud survivor, and as an inheritor of the violence of genocide).

Sasuke inherits both his father's generational trauma re: Quncy genocide and the Uchiha trauma of, well, existing as an Uchiha and also surviving your brother's family massacre. (I imagine Ishida survives this, and maybe Mikoto too.) So Sasuke's not an orphan in this one, but I think rather than the lining of this AU being fully silver, it probably becomes a story of the incredible difficulty of parenting (and child-ing) in the wake of unimaginable trauma. Nobody's perfect.

And what of Mikoto? Mikoto who does not wed the soon-to-be clan head, Uchiha Fugaku, as planned. Mikoto, who marries the stranger. Mikoto, who trained doubly as a shinobi and as a lady; a wife; a bearer of heirs.

I think with Ishida Mikoto is able to lean in/awaken her quirkier side--and in their courtship they find that they are the most deeply serious people they know. They are also the weirdest people they know. Ishida makes her clothes that knock the socks off anything you can buy at Konoha Outfitters. (Ostentatious, sniff the haters. Not because the clothing Ishida makes for Mikoto is anywhere near as genuinely ostentatious as his own Quincy whites--she is a ninja, after all--but because it is fit and cut *so* perfectly to her. You can see her for her when she wears his clothes, and this is a visual experience not often achieved in Konoha. In the aftermath of The Massacre, and the investigation into the ANBU [nothing comes of this; one bad actor, bad apples, disturbed young man, etc.], some wonder if it might not have been different if the ANBU dress code weren't so strict. Could it be as simple as that? Surely not. But what if? The Ishida brothers had been such lovely, happy children--)

I can't tell from your original ask what you personally had in mind with this scenario, but I think for me that story is absolutely about intergenerational trauma; the drama of two clans and their wacky interclan dynamics/expectations; parents and children; and sartorial magic.

(It feels only appropriate to meme my response too LOL)

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I watched Infinity Pool (2023)

The latest from Brandon Cronenberg, who directed the fantastic Antiviral, a film also on this list.

A man on vacation goes outside his resort, only to accidentally kill a farmer. He's then given the choice to be executed or to be cloned and watch his double be killed in his place. Eventually he falls in with a wealthy crowd and their dangerous world without consequences.

If you knew nothing going into Infinity Pool, you might be thinking it could go in many directions. Is this going to be a drama about a couple repairing their marriage? A survival film about people getting stuck outside a resort? An infidelity film? But, as things begin to unfold, you remember that this is a Brandon Cronenberg film and nothing is going to go in the direction you expect. In short, it's gonna get weird.

When things begin to get weird it's almost like a different movie. Like waking up into a nightmare. Cronenberg handles this transition well, leaving out all notion of science fiction until, like the main character, you're thrust into it. And, that feeling of a nightmare really does take over. This world isn't the world we were living in. It's different, but you accept the differences without question.

This is a film that plays on several themes, including self identity and control, but it's main one seems to be about the rich being free from consequence. That being said, don't expect to like the main character. Alexander Skarsgard's James Foster is not a good or honorable man and he is deeply selfish. Most of the other characters around him are all wealthy people who have payed their way out of murder charges. Recklessly killing native citizens without remorse and avoiding the consequences. Likeable isn't exactly a word that can be used here. But these people need to be this way, as does our main character. Everything, especially the idea of identity, is heightened by the fact that we are spending our time watching these monstrous people and watching James be forced to face who and what he really is. This film is full of disturbingly awful people and the movie shows us very disturbing things to match.

This is a film full of sex and violence and trippy visuals, which Cronenberg uses as a reminder that we don't need blockbuster special effects to be dazzled.

The story is wild and captivating and the overall experience is one that needs to be viewed to be understood. I can't do it justice just by talking about it.

Both Alexander Skarsgard and Mia Goth are absolutely excellent in the film. A lot is asked of them and they're giving it their all. It's great acting.

How do you recommend a film in which the characters are unlikeable and the violence and sex leave you disgusted? Well, I'd start by saying if you're a fan of trippy horror and just all around strange and disturbing films, this is one for you. And the descent into horror that we experience is incredibly interesting to watch. The way it's presented is perfect. I have almost no complaints and any I do have I'll keep to myself.

This is the third of Brandon Cronenberg's films and each one, for me personally, is excellent. He doesn't hide his thematic intentions, but instead paints with them in garish light. A filmmaker with incredible talent.

[bronzewool]

Clive Barker Book review speedrun, because I got 13 book reviews to catch up on and you’re not gonna sit down and go through all of them:

The Hellbound Heart is a novella that would go on to be adapted into the highly successful, Live action Hellraiser Series. Not much to say about The Hellbound Heart other than what happens in the movie is a faithful page for page adaption of the book. The only change they made that I think improves upon the source material is the decision to adapt Kirsty from a random friend of Rory's, to his daughter. This makes their dynamic stronger and gives her antagonism towards her new stepmom more layers. As opposed to the book, where we're never told how she knows Rory or how long they've been friends for. Kirsty is just a random character who keeps showing up at their house, and Julia is painfully aware of how much she's crushing on her husband.

The cenobites are slightly different in the book, with Pinhead having a smaller role and one line of dialogue (he's presented as gender ambiguous and has a high-pitched voice like a teenage girl :3)

It’s also impressive how the movie was able to use visual imagery to get across Clive Barker’s horrific writing style using some amazing practical techniques.

The Damnation Game is about a convict, Marty Strauss, who was arrested for theft after a botched robbery to clear his gambling debts, and is allowed to cut his remaining sentence short if he agrees to become the personal bodyguard of an eccentric billionaire. Joseph Whitehead is one of the richest men in the world and has become a bit of a recluse ever since the death of his wife and has dwindled his remaining staff down to just his assistant, a driver, a cook, and a dog handler.

Despite Marty's initial worry that he's just trading one prison for another, his fears are soothed over time as he's not expected to do much other than follow Whitehead around and hover in the background as he goes about his day. It's easy. Too easy. Until an intruder is caught breaking onto the premise, and Marty witnesses something that can only be described as supernatural. Whitehead is scared and knows exactly who broke in that night but won't go to the police for help. When Whitehead was a young man, he sort out a mythic gambler who never lost a match, wanting to play a round of cards with this legendary man. Whitehead found him, and The Mamoulian has come to collect

The Damnation Game is a Faustian-inspired tale of a poor man making a deal with the devil and becoming rich beyond his wildest dreams, but the price might be higher than he is willing to pay. Marty is a relatable low-working-class character whose life spiralled out of control because of a long chain of bad decisions and bad luck, costing him his marriage and his freedom. He is given a chance to turn his life around but at a heavy cost. Much like the rest of Clive Barker's work, this book goes into some dark and horrific places, especially with how graphically he describes Whitehead and Mamoulian's experiences post WWII, and everything to do with Anthony Breer, the Mamoulian's assistant and a child-serial killer who takes an interest in Whitehead's daughter.

The book is good and takes you on a blood-soak and mentally scarring journey filled with sex and grotesque body horror. My only real pet peeve is how it treats the romance between Marty and Carys, Whitehead's daughter. The age gap itself isn't the issue (it is the least problematic element of the book); it's how no one seems bothered by the implications this could have for Marty. Before shit hits the fan, he is terrified of doing anything wrong that may cost him this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to turn his life around. Just one wrong move, one false accusation, and he will be sent back to prison to complete his remaining sentence. Having feelings for his employer's daughter could endanger everything, and he seems oblivious to it and continues to pursue a relationship with this 18yo mentally disturbed girl. This could just be an example of Marty continuing to not think things through, but even the staff don't seem to give a fuck, and when Whitehead does find out Marty slept with his Carys, he doesn't give any reaction before changing the subject. It just felt weird how no one cares about the consequences for Marty if this relationship ever went sour.

The Coldheart Canyon was a ride from start to finish. It starts with a prologue following a silent movie era actress, Katya Lupi, visiting her hometown in Romania with her talent agent, William Zeffer, and him making a strange purchase at a monastery. Eighty years later and movie star, Todd Pickett, who was once the heartthrob of Hollywood, is slowly losing his popularity to younger startups taking his roles. Trying to regain his youth, Todd undergoes plastic surgery, but it goes horribly wrong, and his face is now disfigured. Not wanting to be seen by the public, Todd's agent hides him away in Coldheart Canyon outside of Hollywood in an old house until things blow over. While there, he hears strange noises in the basement and meets a mysterious woman who claims to live next door.

Coldheart Canyon originally started as a commentary on the state of Hollywood but quickly grew into something more fantastical. It still has all the bloody gore and sex you'd come to expect from a Clive Barker book, but it keeps its hand close to its chest, diving into the heads of many characters who have had their lives negatively affected by the harsh and uncaring world of the movie industry, while sowing intrigue about Katya and the basement.

Trust me when I say this book is unhinged. It has every famous dead actor in history degraded in some fashion for comedy. We have unsafe BDSM, ghosts fucking animals and those animals giving birth to human/animal hybrids, men brutually murdered by demon women who wear and masturbate with their flesh, naked women tied to the underside of horses, grooming and nonchalent pedophillia.

The book is insane but also tediously long. We have chapters that drag out the premise longer than it needed to be, with weird scenes like a car chase with a literal angel at one point. It's as silly as it is horrific. Everything to do with the basement was my favourite part and I don't wanna spoil whats inside as you truly have to experience the brutality for yourself. 

[matthew-rimamate-ardn]

2 videos based around 2 different photographer stories: brief summary around the content...

as  Video 1: This is the disturbing story behind the iconic "Afghan Girl" :

This video is narrated by a photographer named Tony, he talks about his POV perspective and intake on the worldwide famous photographer named Steve McCurry who took an award winning photo of a Afghanistan girl for the national geographic. based on the story that he told me, I briefly found out about the different aspects and importance's when it comes to taking photos of people. based on what Tony has said and mentioned in the video, It is really important to respect peoples privacy and space, and also respect their culture and beliefs. An example of this would be when McCurry took the award winning photo without getting the Afghan girl’s consent or respecting her culture and traditions such as asking her to take off her Burka and showing her face even though that is a very strict rule in their culture is not to show their face, but McCurry told her to do so anyways.

He also only took a photo of her only because of her visual appearance and her eyes. Tony later on says at the end of the video that “what McCurry did, did not represent journalism, it represented unpaid modelling”. I find this little quote to be very true as he only used her photo just because of the way she looked. He later on used that photo to show a twisted visual representation of the fear of war that was happening in that country, when really the visual photographic representation from that photo was the girl fearing Steve McCurry.

What I've learnt from this first video is that whenever you take a photo of someone whatever the conditions may be, always ask for consent and know your boundaries. Always respect cultural rules/beliefs and never use a unconsented photograph and twist the story to your liking just to input a main title for social media or international publish.

Video 2: Teju Cole interview

The second video talks about another photographer and writer named Teju Cole. he talks about his story and his world of photography. he talks about how he woke up one morning only to discover that he was blind in one eye. he went around to every eye examination clinics in search for help and Later on found out that he had blind spot syndrome. this allowed him to change the way he sees things as a photographer. Teju Cole later on created a book based on a project he was working on called ‘Blind spot” based on his experiences with his eyes being sacred to him and how the intensity of looking at the world, and looking really closely can be washed with the presence of light through his point of view in photography.

based off this video, I really enjoyed how he described some of his photographs that he took, especially when he combines his writing skills with his photography. I also found it very interesting how Teju Cole views photography. He said in one of the sections that "photography is like a miracle, it cannot be fixed, you cant got back and do it, you have to take it in that one moment, and then it emerges as a kind of collaboration with what is given by the world”. What he means by this is that photography is like a one time opportunity for capturing moments, you cant go back and re-do the photo because the photo will change, it will look different then what it originally did. In Teju’s eyes/ world photography is like a miracle to him.

[fersrsbizniz]

And finally, we are at “Gorilla Warfare”

I’m about to be so annoying rn

(So I watched this one with my wife a while ago—well watched as in she glanced back and forth between her game and this episode [this is sort of also where I skipped an episode by accident] and while she didn’t have too much to say, her facial reactions were priceless. This was her first ever episode of Beast Wars and it was an interesting experience to both watch the episode and her visual display)

Anyway…here is/was my thought process:

Yay music!

That my wife promptly started to tune out with and I felt I had to skip (she’s not a huge fan of this kind of music but that’s okay, I just listened to it later for posterity)

You know I would really love to see how they would render this area with modern CGI, like what would the plants look like now? The flowers?

I don’t think you could have found anyone less inclined to want to come with you on a mission like this Optimus, but I also couldn’t imagine someone less inclined to watch Beast Wars than my wife, so here we both are trying to get people to try new things. And here comes grumpy boy!

My wife’s eyes flew wide at the sound of Dinobot’s voice, but I suppose it is jarring for a newcomer? I don’t remember ever being bothered by it, so idk. Her expression was hilarious.

“Still, you stop to smell the roses…or whatever.” Such…eloquence, my dude.

I appreciate this exchange differently than when I was younger. Initially, I just liked the back and forth between them, but now I can better reflect on Optimus finally being able to do the job he WANTED to do, even for a little bit, and why that’s so important to him. Like, I feel you, it sucks when you have to do another duty that wasn’t really in your wheelhouse but now you’re the only one able to handle it for now (like running two classrooms consecutively for weeks at a time when a teacher just up and leaves with no emergency lesson plans *sobs at the memory*)—anywayyyy. He’s finally able to do research/exploration, and isn’t that great? And I can understand where Dinobot’s concern is coming from, because he knows his former group and none of them are very lax about their shit disturbing. There’s no real reason why he shouldn’t be on edge.

(Time-stamping at 2:16 for myself because I didn’t pause to write this down when I watched it)

I love how sassy this little debate is getting. These two characters bounce off of each other really well. It’s not that I don’t like how Rattrap and Dinobot have their interactions (and I adore the range of their singular VA putting in such awesome performances) but there’s a certain something about the way these two interact that makes me understand why this is a special episode for many.

But…is there a purpose for “blasting” it out, Dinobot? Impatient much. Just dig it out! Move a rock like Optimus does. Like…nuance dude. Patience. Chill for .02 seconds (or nano-cycles, whatever).

Battle-edge? Guy is just a scientist who wants to look at the plants. Oooh, would he normally be a (bit battle savvy) botanist if given the chance? Is he the Ellie Sattler (yeah yeah she’s the paleo-botanist whatever, Dinobot is a fuckin featherless raptor, plant boy go brrrr)

Or did you mean battle-edge 😏 (I jest but I don’t. I know what this episode means to a lot of people, hell I think I saw why at this point and all I’d seen so far is Optimus going “chill for a minute and look at some plants” and Dinobot just being like “D< no.” and then he participates anyway)

That yell startled the shit out of my wife and she looked at me with such affront I had to pause because I burst out laughing so hard.

And then I started laughing harder again at the “dinner salad” remark.

(Also the how it spreads it’s seed line…if no one has been juvenile once about that line I would be shocked)

But aww poor Optimus, he was just ready to get fully into science mode and Scorponok has to go ruin it.

Cue whatever…firing skill all that was.

Oh no, Dinobot!

Oh no, Optimus!

And now you hit him…(my wife side-eyed once during this scene)

I do note, Dinobot does say Optimus a lot in this tone for how far along we are in the show, worries over him in many a dire situation…yeah I think I’m getting it.

Cheetor…while I think everyone (including you) needs a round of shooting lessons with Rattrap (who looks like he may be your most accurate shot), I think Dinobot is feeling guilty enough without your input. This is just exacerbating his moody outbursts (oh! He really IS a poor little meow meow!)

Just going to preemptively say that while it is best they waited, the estimated explosion time/area seems a bit off

Scorponok definitely screwed this up but I guess they are lucky he ends up being more accurate with his antivirus, and not just as botched as the virus itself.

I do love Cheetor’s unwavering belief in Optimus. It’s adorable. On the other hand, Dinobot seems intrigued by the change.

Megatron monologues. Yes.

Hmm…Optimus and Dinobot having the same idea. Of course, no one likes grumbly boy’s plan. Even now, I find that he can both be worried and totally blasé about Optimus’s possible demise absolutely hilarious. And that whole little “fine by me” part.

Wow, Optimus is super strong. Threw them all off of him.

And, well, what an awed and pleased expression you have there Dinobot. While everyone is just watching Optimus have no chill with fear and concern on their faces. (My wife began to purposely find swarms in Project Zomboid at this point)

I will say I was very confused about the change Dinobot had in how the mission would play out but I could see this playing out in a few ways: he intended for Optimus to just, well, die, and to take over a functional band of Maximals, rather than losing others, he saw this working if Optimus was still able to think as usual but just hold on to that aggressive core but now—since he just lost it on all of them—it’s clear the plan is shot, or he saw what happened and after his initial interest, became concerned for Optimus’ welfare and abilities as a whole and realized what a shit idea this was. Idk, two of these options fit and make no sense in different ways, while one seems logical but I feel I’d need more evidence to back it up, and I feel like if I were to really delve into this scene in the episode, I’d actually need to watch certain other scenes again to get a better idea. I’d love to see what others think, but not sure how many would be interested to talk about it.

Dinobot trying to calm Cheetor and think like Optimus is a sort of interesting change to his usual method. Sure it doesn’t work, but I think the trying shows some character growth, and I can appreciate that.

I do feel flat out saying where Optimus was going was dumb on their part though. There were other opening options for negotiation they probably could have taken.

A nod to Optimus’ strengths as a leader and the necessity for them to come up with their own plan in the meantime. More growth!

If one of them could do this much damage…once again I’m thinking maybe the Predacons are lucky the Maximals weren’t prepared, or as bloodthirsty as they.

HE JUST PINNED HIM LIKE A BUG TO A BOARD OMG

Yay, the flower trick!

As I mentioned above, the explosion seems delayed based on their previous worries.

But Optimus is saved with the antivirus and they’re able to book it out of there.

And then…

Dinobot looking after him, “taking a shift” or not, the throat clearing sound, the “back home, or back to normal” “both”, the smile, the flower…it’s touching, it’s sweet, it’s…

It’s very gay of them. I see it. I sigh currently, and admit, I now ship it.

My wife didn’t care. She said she was just confused as to why there was a Brooklyn rat there, and that the voices were…very 90’s of them.

Having said that, my wife’s final statement: she hated it. But…she sat through it with me. Just like I do for all the god awful B horror movies she likes to watch

I on the other hand loved it. There are a lot of fun elements in this episode, a lot of getting to know characters for who they are and who they aren’t.

By far my favorite rewatch episode so far.

[hongkongartman-mlee]

“He Was One Of Those Who Are Not Born Handsome, But Develop Charming Features With Age By Continuously Engaging Their Brains With Intelligent Thoughts”—The Necessary Ability To Size Up The Situation In The Journey Of Any Superstar Like Hins Cheung (張敬軒)  

Writer Pawan Mishra pointed out a kind of special celebrities, “He was one of those who are not born handsome, but develop charming features with age by continuously engaging their brains with intelligent thoughts.” It was said that there are 2 kinds of talent: man-made talent and God-given talent. With God-given talent, you just touch it up once in a while. With man-made talent, you have to work very hard to react. Hong Kong’s top singer Hins Cheung(張敬軒) was underrated when he came to Hong Kong about 20 years ago. His slow process—two steps forward, one step back—gave his both talents a solid foundation that now supports his powerful stardom.

Performing stars are not trained by the traditional route of university. Taking part in concerts, playing in bands, working with other artists and creating noise on social media are the tough apprenticeship that a singer must go through. While they do all these, they need a great mentor who can smell the talent within them, than what they see in themselves, and give the opportunities to bring it out of them. Hins Cheung(張敬軒) is the natural born mentor in the entertainment industry who is actively helping other younger stars. All the young artists in Hong Kong regard him as their big brother and ‘social worker’. He is a natural leader who has truthful relationships with colleagues, fellow singers, co-workers and even fans. He offers sincere smiles. He enjoys working with other artists, visual or performing, young or old and pop or classical. He communicates amiably on social media with the adolescents. He shares his life experience and candid beliefs on equality issues. Hins is authentically himself, despite harsh criticisms against him, and never masquerades as someone else. In Hong Kong, Hins is the rare singer who is also a spiritual KOL who provides example, viewpoint and direction for the young singers and people in Hong Kong

Born in Guangzhou of China in 1981, Hins’ dream since his childhood had always been to put on music to liven things up. He gave up studying and became a pop singer. In 2002, he came to Hong Kong to look for the new road to success. Life under the new conditions was not easy. His pocket was once empty and he had to work as an assistant in a radio station. He was initially a gigantic loser but quitting was the last option for him. Finally, he overcame hardships and in less than 2 decades, he became a great opinion leader of benevolent value, that may be more amazing than his singing success.

Before, superstars tackle or endure life alone. In the internet age dominated by social media, they have to learn how to provide on a daily basis the attractive marriage of ideas and personal life, and such talking points must also be considered by fans to have a relation to their own lives. I remember watching an online video made by Hins himself telling the story of how a nosy neighbour intruded into his house to check out his private life. The drama embraces the funny experience that we collectively share. Singers can no longer relay messages through their managers. They have to stand out publicly and monitor the best ways of interacting through social media to engage their fans, enhance their career and ultimately build up their personal stardom.

His recent 26 concert shows in Hong Kong Coliseum came as a delightful surprise: as songs continued, Hins mingled cleverly with his band and audience around the stage. He uttered a lot of quotable quotes on the stage. He said, “The most unbearable thing for a kid is the accusation that he is not honest.” He also said wittily, “Fans should not put up banners and placards disturbing other audience. I have already got ready a big joss-paper burner for making them disappear!” “Think about it,” Hins said, “when we look back and learn, life usefully finds its own way out.” People laughed, screamed and sang because of the excitement over the charisma of this superstar. The stage design, without a hitch, was very fascinating. Creative props changed and tied into each song but were consistent with the overall theme.  

Hins Cheung and my great concert producer friend Alex Fung(馮貽柏) are the best team for making unforgettable concerts. Alex said, “In Hong Kong, due to budget constraints, we could not make the very expensive concerts. We do try to put art elements into a concert to make it respectful, tasteful and trendsetting!” Hins levelled with us, “If stage machines are not occasionally out of order, our concert will be unbeatable!”  Alex produces innovative concerts one after another.

The recent acts of pertinence of Hins are to make an unexpected backstage visit to a young rapper Tyson Yoshi and attend an ordinary school concert to give the students encouragement. For Hins, his good daily activities are surely more powerful than any front-page ad.

No audience nowadays will be impressed with how good a singer is if he cannot express his personality and use it to capture the audience.

There is a theory known as ‘situational leadership’. There are some successful leaders who are good at knowing how to apply quick ideas to lead according to the situation especially on handling topical issues. The stars who try to sing very hard without following the good engagement skills of Hins Cheung is building with one hand, but pulling down with the other. There is no free lunch on earth. There is however an inexpensive way, because of social media, to grab a sandwich by creating viral contents! Nothing is worse than passivity in the modern days.

MLee

Chinese Version 中文版: https://www.patreon.com/posts/le-tan-xing-ji-72576892?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator

The next 20 Hins Cheung Concert  https://youtu.be/0xIyb-ownWE  Acknowledgement – The Show Must Go On

Hins Cheung – HOMETOUR Comedy  https://youtu.be/8VhH1f2jTic  Acknowledgement -張敬軒 Hins Cheung 

Hins Cheung’s Song《My Way》MV  https://youtu.be/9KtZVsQgP5U  Acknowledgement -張敬軒 Hins Cheung

Hins Cheung’s Song《Below  the Sakura Tree》 https://youtu.be/rZKQmjTtVK8  Acknowledgement – 張敬軒 Hins Cheung

Hins Cheung in Singapore 2019   https://youtu.be/EdHflRfDi4c  Acknowledgement -張敬軒 Hins Cheung