#the way i was losing my absolute shit in discord. Man.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

SO. TO KICK OFF THE WEEK OF SPECULATION BEFORE THE UPDATE DROPS.

last night i had a bit of a Revelation. literally. i borderline woke up in a cold sweat with this realization. the way i lunged for my laptop to scream at friends... ough. lets get into it

so. i do believe I've made a couple of theory posts about Barnaby not being quite as receptive to his and Wally's "forced" best friendship as Wally - since the show wrote them to be friends instead of it happening naturally. i thought it might be a point of tension for Barn. i thought a lot.

YES SO I'M TOSSING (almost) ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW!

the bios state Barnaby as Wally's best friend multiple times over. it had to be regularly reinforced. their colors were chosen to mark them as friends.

but Barnaby - presumably - can't see the bios, he wouldn't know the scripts. the friendship would be natural from his perspective. how would he know otherwise? even if the relationship started out synthetic, i don't doubt that it became genuine. in the context of their world and perceptions, realistically speaking Barnaby probably wouldn't sense anything wrong.

the reminders to be best friends weren't for Barnaby.

they were for Wally.

i'm starting to suspect that Wally is Barnaby's best friend, but Barnaby isn't Wally's. i think that Wally's "best friend" is Home - or at least Wally has a closer connection to them / Home is more important to Wally than anyone else is.

i remember reading this livestream trivia (from theneighborhoodwatch's doc, if you haven't their resources yet what are you even doing?):

and i assumed it was for Barnaby's side of the relationship. but it's not, is it? it's Wally's? and it makes too much fucking Sense! it fits! i can see it perfectly! i can feel things slotting together in my mind due to this shift in perspective, and i'm scared

Barnaby probably thinks the relationship is natural, just like how he thinks he's a real person in a real world. Wally probably knows that the relationship is a role, just like how he knows he's a puppet in a false reality.

that leaves me wondering how much of it is genuine on Wally's side. i don't doubt that they really are friends, but how deep does that connection go? in the interview, Wally sounded excited/proud about having a best friend, but how much came from a place of feeling, and how much came from a place of Fulfilling The Role? how much of it is performative? how much of it is a mask?

i've been seeing everything differently. Barnaby poses for Wally the most because he has good balance and is good at staying still, not because of favoritism or because he's Wally's best friend. in the 14 (15 including the hidden halloween) audios, Barnaby consistently seeks out Wally and checks in on him. Wally seems more casual about their relationship than Barnaby is.

i'm worried that Wally values Home & You/Us over Barnaby. that Barnaby is second or third place in Wally's heart. that Wally means more to Barnaby than he means to Wally. after all, only one of them needed their relationship to be reinforced on a seemingly regular basis.

i'm confident that Wally cares about / loves Barnaby, but the question is how much? to what extent?

[kaizokuniichan]

Discord and also this post of mine got me in my Kid feelies so I finally got the courage to write a lil somthin for my angry little flower 💋

Not super smutty but MDNI as always.

The first time Kid has sex he blurts out I love you and vows to never say it ever again. He remains emotionally immature and it’s especially apparent when you join the crew. His attraction to you annoys him, and he makes it everyone’s problem including you. He is. Insufferable. Everything you do seems to piss him off, and yet even when you do your damndest to stay out of his way he always seems to find you.

It gets to the point where you complain to Killer about it, and he tries to calm you down and convince you it’s not personal (it is). Killer tells Kid he needs to get his shit together and sort out his feelings (Kid denies) or he’s going to lose you. Kid doesn’t care if you stay or leave, not until the day you get so fed up with his barrage of insults that you begin to pack your bags.

But he stops you before you can hop off the ship at the next island, and he drags you back to his workshop where he forbids you to leave (him). You start to yell how you don’t understand what his problem is, you’ve done everything to stay out of his way what more do you want? Clearly you’re not good enough—not for him or his crew. And this makes his eyebrows raise—or at least the place where they should be. What do you mean you’re not good enough? He’d handpicked you himself, obviously you’re more than capable. Kid doesn’t allow any slouches in his crew.

“So? What is your problem?” His brain short circuits as he’s finally faced with dealing with and accepting his feelings for you in the span of 5 seconds. And then, he snaps. Grabbing your face and crushing his lips with yours, the kiss is surprisingly not as rough as one would think. You’re shocked, taken aback, and absolutely turned on. Of course you’d noticed how hot your captain was, it’s one of the reasons that made this all so frustrating. Beyond the scowls and barking orders there were heated looks and shortened personal bubbles. So you sigh and lean into the kiss because finally this man whom, despite his brutish personality and you’ve begrudgingly been infatuated with, has at last revealed that he wants you.

You don’t immediately tear each other’s clothes off that night or onward, but there’s an obvious shift in your relationship that becomes more than obvious to everyone else. No longer does he grumble when in your presence—he shows the utmost patience and respect for you. And whenever you’re not around he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to come find you and bring you back with him.

When he drinks he becomes much more handsy, wrapping his flesh arm around you and whispering in your ear how hot you look and to come by his room later, which you do.

And before the lock on his door clicks the two of you crash into each other like waves in a storm—fitting for a man with the power and might of a hurricane. He picks you up and you revel in the contrasting touch between his arms—one flesh, and one that represents the very essence of him. And as the two of you rut against the wall, mouths spilling intermingled gasps and groans and curses, Kid realizes in that moment why he’d been so afraid of accepting you. You were the veins crawling throughout his nervous system, starting at his heart. You’d taken hold of him and held every bit of it in your hands. And frighteningly he was going to allow you to keep it.

[bunfloras]

You. The little men you're rotating in your mind? Tell me about them.

How does fits time on 2b2t impact how he acts and survives now? Interacts with others? How does it show in how he interacts with Phil or pac, in ways that probably aren't normal but make sense for him.

How does pissa interact that's special and different than everyone else? What makes you hold them so dearly? I want to hear.

How do you see all the shit that's happened affect Phil? How he's changed, how he acts now, how he thinks? Where's your ten page analysis you've scattered across discord dms, forums, and scattered in your brain. Let me hear it. Let me hear everything you die to tell people but nobody asks for

Cause literally they're taking over my brain and you see them in such a similar but different and intricate light so I want to see how you pick them and their brains apart. And please, don't think you have to stick to just these questions, go off about WHATEVER.

i am literally never going to shut up you guys need to stop enabling me

fit is always watching his back. he’s always watching pac’s back. always looking out for ramón. there is not a moment in his life that he isn’t paranoid about losing what he has—he always has to be on his guard. between his past with 2b2t and the pressure of the limited time he has left, he knows that absolutely nothing in his life is promised. at any minute, he could lose what’s precious to him, and he refuses.

it’s so easy for him to lose himself in how he used to be. sometimes he does just let loose—like when he’s protecting his family or taking revenge. he’s not a good man, and he’s never seen himself as one. if pac sees him as one, he’ll do his best not to shatter that image—but it seems like pac doesn’t give a shit whether or not he’s dangerous, so dangerous it is.

i think he worries a lot about accidentally hurting the people he cares about, and particularly about losing their trust. sure, he cares about self preservation. but the world is suddenly a lot scarier when he actually has something to lose. so much of it is disguised in humor but you can hear the way he cares, the way he takes things seriously when everyone else is joking.

as for pissa… god there’s a lot i could say about them. a lot of it for me is the aching loneliness of having someone, but not knowing where you stand with them. the contrast of missa loving so openly and phil being terrified to reciprocate. i think whether he knows it or not, missa being away so much is what keeps phil from taking that step. he’s been alone so long that it is utterly terrifying to be perceived—and even worse is the thought of losing that company once he finally gets used to having someone else at his side.

phil’s brain is way too much to pick at when i’ve already written this much. but trust me i have so many thoughts about the way this man’s brain works, particularly in regard to loneliness

[nogoawaytism]

My second thingy for Nitpick November, because I'm not gonna do this consistently the way God intended.

It's just so... interesting to hear RWBY stans bitch about any sort of criticism regarding how certain male characters are treated. Apparently if any of us commit the unforgiveable sin of saying something like "I wish Sun/Adam/Mercury/Ironwood was treated better by the narrative + explored the unique themes that are a part of their identity as characters." rwby stans freak the fuck out and start whining about how RWDE only wants a show about a white male character. And I'm like

*looks at the vast majority of the cast, especially the heroes*

*looks at V9*

It's just so... interesting how these double standards work, because I guess a white male character getting the spotlight is ok when it's Miles's self-insert.

Meanwhile, Sun has a Chinese allusion despite being a blonde, Ironwood was modeled after Jason Rose who is half Asian (Oh wait, I bet we don't count mixed people). Interesting.

Also, Sun is an established, in-universe minority, an abuse victim thanks to Blake, which is frequently downplayed because Blake is a girl and a main character, and is therefore perfect, and Sun is evil because he isn't psychic, and expressed attraction to a main character. How evil.

Also, Ironwood is a veteran with PTSD facing a horrible situation, a triple amputee, and the only one of the cast who actually has a feasible plan. Oh wait, losing his arm made him lose his humanity, what an evil bastard. He probably lost over half his body on purpose.

Also, Adam is an established, in-universe minority, a former child slave, who has the SCHNEE FUCKING DUST COMPANY logo burned onto his fucking face. Adam should be a good faunus, and not complain at all about faunus oppression, otherwise he's a fucking nazi.

Also, Mercury was trained for an extremely dangerous job as a young child, and abused so badly to the point where he LOST BOTH LEGS. Man, white men really do be the worst.

Yes, two of these characters are villains, and yes, we should hold people accountable for their actions instead of inborn characteristics. Oh wait, y'all already did that when you bitched about them being "white men", while almost every important non-white character has been presented as a villain at some point, and the two non-white characters in our main cast, Ren and Oscar get treated so poorly compared to the other heroes. Sure, complain about how RWDE "wants to center white men" while Ren's mental state and feelings are invalidated at every turn. Sure, complain about how RWDE "wants to center white men" while Oscar the literal child that got dragged into this war is constantly the one bearing the brunt of physical abuse that we haven't seen our other characters experience + half of that physical abuse is by characters who ARE heroes and by Hazel who got the last-minute redemption treatment. Sure, complain about how RWDE "wants to center white men" while y'all treat this show like the best shit to happen to media since Charles Dickens when *checks notes* it's written by white men, which isn't inherently bad in my opinion, but in this case they write every fucking issue in this show in such an insensitive light, and are still horrible xenophobic people. Miles and Kerry ARE stereotypical horrible white men, but y'all still defend their stupid writing while bitching about white men abused by the narrative.

Oh, and might I add: the fuckers saying this stan Coco. I wonder what her allusion is.

So you mean to tell me, that expressing just a little bit of tact about Adam being a branded child slave, or Ironwood losing three limbs and being traumatized, or Mercury being abused and losing his legs, is super duper evil, but this Nazi insert is an absolute slay queen. Y'all really made a doodoo with this one, whoopsies!

Anyway, take the historic moment before Mercury rightfully whooped this Discord light mode-looking mf who's also a Nazi:

[docholligay]

Ep 5: Ben and Misty

Hello! This is about up to Episode 5 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 5 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the fifth episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

Poor Ben here is trapped as an authority figure. Travis could overpower him, fuck, the girls could overpower him, he relies on Misty, and yet he still has the vestiges of authority because we are only now beginning to see that the old world no longer holds sway. 

The quasi-religious tone when Misty walks into his room to touch him was a really amazing thing, and it’s true, though, that for Misty, this is on the level of a miracle. A man she finds handsome needs her, she spends all her time in his light, she goes toward him with the reverence of a saint. And he rejects her. He tells her not to fucking touch him. We even see a cross on the wall as she leaves the room. 

So if even someone she has done so much for, someone she has devoted herself toward, cannot love her, they have to pay. Now, the question I have for myself is: Do I think Misty actually wants to kill him, or do I think that it’s more a price she is willing to pay in order to get him close to her again, to need her? I think it might be number two, but I also think establishing that she is willing to kill someone to get what she needs is a very important thing we need to know about Misty. 

Him losing his leg works on multiple levels here, of course it’s a device to get him close to Misty for the express purposes of ‘oh my god holy shit fuckin Misty,’ but also, it’s a symbol, a visual reminder of the fact that his power and authority is quite literally crippled here. We are seeing him slowly lose control of the situation, even as the girls are continuing to follow him, even as Travis still listens, there’s this absolute edge of losing control in the air. 

And he senses this, and this is why he reacts to Misty’s stange confession of love by calling himself into her protection with his own, while clinging to this fractured and lost authority as a gate between he and Misty. How long will that gate hold? What can he cling to then, and how far might he go to keep from getting killed by Misty in the pain of her rejection? 

Because make no mistake, all of this is about Misty and her feeling of rejection, and in the way they continue to push in this story that I love, the rejected nerd is not sitting in the corner crying, we are not meant to identify with her, we are meant to see that she instead decides that those who reject her should be punished. 

Which is why it is so terrifying when she sees Nat call her a poodle haired frreak at the end of the episode. She thought the threat of being blackmailed would make them appreciate her, need her. But instead, this.

[achtung-attitude]

CHAPTER 76: Lost and Out of Time

Before the ashes of the riots had cooled, the Congregation rose to power, quickly absorbing or driving out the lesser gangs within the Black and Asian communities. Soon they expanded, making contact with the cartel and subjugating them.

All-Kill was there to witness the first Stand ritual. The disgraced luchadora, Phantasma Juarez, graciously accepted her own Stand from Dust, somehow finding a kindred in the preacher. He remained as pious as always, saying to the masked woman, “I see your heart, and it is pure. You will certainly lead the worthy into Paradise. You will be a true hero.”

All-Kill always saw through him. The dream of Paradise was empty. He believed only in his own ambition.

With the fast friendship between his new ‘business partners’, All-Kill offered his comrade, Gangak, a position alongside him in the organization. What he needed now were allies.

He had already started by taking in Sang-ok. Then Gangak acquired his own Stand, in a sense finally becoming equals with All-Kill. And later, in the ruins of a small town in Northern California, All-Kill found a young woman like himself. A girl born with her Stand.

Thus All-Kill’s family, the Daesang, was born.

***

1995. On the docks of San Francisco, with the Golden Gate Bridge in sight, Gangak makes his way discreetly, avoiding the streetlight. He could see his ride, a freighter about to embark on a voyage to the Far East. 

Gangak smiled confidently as he walked to the pier.. But in the shadows he spied a glint of light and a chill ran down his spine. The glint stepped towards, the light reflecting off a pair of thick glasses.

“What do you think you’re doing here, Gangak?” All-Kill demanded.

Gangak gulped, but he stood firm. “I’m leaving, Ganmyeol. That’s what.”

“Don’t say that as if you’re going on some trip…” the boss says, bitterness coating his voice. “You’re bringing your crew with you. Bringing old man Sanjo. You’re abandoning me.”

“That’s right…”

“Why? What has brought on this absolute betrayal?”

The taller man bristled and pointed aggressively at his best friend. “That kind of shit right there, for a start! Do you ever LISTEN to yourself?!”

All-Kill narrowed his eyes. “I’m just trying to understand… Why would you try to do this to me.”

“To you?! I’m not the one siding with the man who destroyed our neighborhood! A man who helped instigate the fucking riots!!”

“Is that what this is about?” the man in black sighed. “I told you… I’m biding my time. Of course I’m not on board with this deranged Paradise scheme, but if I fight with Dust now, I can’t guarantee that I’d win. Who’ll defend our people if I’m gone?”

“I-!” Gangak stammered, but All-Kill continued to speak over him.

“And as soon as I have the right opening, I’ll take care of him. You just have to be patient.”

Gangak stared at his friend, a lump building in his throat as his worst nightmares came true before him. “AND THEN WHAT?!!” he shouts. “Once that bastard’s dead, what are you going to do?!”

All-Kill kept calm. “Dust holds LA in the palm of his hand. Once he’s eliminated, there’ll be a scramble to fill the vacuum of power. A little discord is inevitable, but if we take control quick enough, we can keep it to a minimum. That’s why I need you-”

“No. No way! I don’t want this!” the bigger man shakes his head, “I didn’t want to control LA, I just wanted to protect my people!”

Finally losing his composure, All-Kill snapped. “THIS is how we protect our people! Unless we take a position of strength, they will ALWAYS be under threat!”

“The threat is YOU!!”

Gangak’s voice resounds. His best friend, closer to him than a brother, shudders at the sound. He stares through the thick lenses of his glasses, breathing deeply, as if he’s been struck across the face. “...What did you say?”

“T-The… The threat… is you…” Gangak repeats, his breathing also heavy, “You’re gathering all these people. Working for Dust and that woman in the mask… You took Park’s son for yourself! You picked up that creepy ass murderer girl! And you… You’re one of them now…! God, I’m one of them now… And maybe… Maybe you were always one of them, deep down…”

He raised his face, standing firm in his resolve. “It's too much. The fact I had to sneak out of my home, knowing you wouldn’t let me leave on my own… You’re no protector. You’ll drag everyone around you into your nightmare. That’s what makes you the threat.

All-Kill’s mouth hung open. Struggling to speak, he said “Gangak... come back with me… don't walk away from me…”

“No.”

“Gangak…”

“No.” The hazy figure of his Stand emerges from Gangak’s spirit. He gestures down. “I finally noticed, after all these years. When you bring out BLACK KEYS… You ball your hand into a fist…”

All-Kill looks down at his shaking fist, then back up at Gangak. His pleading expression morphed to pure rage and he propelled himself at his former best friend. “BLACK KEYS!!”

Gangak's Stand fully materialized next to him. “SLEEPYHEAD!!!”

The foggy Stand landed a punch right on All-Kill’s cheek. All-Kill groaned as the knuckle grinds against him, but he still moved to pierce the Stand’s arm. But he was too slow. He had to watch as SLEEPYHEAD moved its other arm in front of Gangak, somewhat merging with him. And with that, they both dematerialized into fog, disappearing on the wind. The boss of Koreatown is left to stare at the sky, the lights and smog of the city blotting out the stars.

He wasted no time looking for a replacement. No sooner did he return home did he pay a visit to a certain local troublemaker. The girl did not disappoint, earning her place by All-Kill’s side after her first mission. Not a tear was shed the day he learned of Gangak’s end.

This is how All-Kill’s life was. He built his branch of the Congregation like his fellow bosses did, but his people weren’t like them. They trusted each other, believed in each other. They were a family. A family with power, wealth and purpose.

Everything he could want, he had.

All except one thing.

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

I posted 741 times in 2022

493 posts created (67%)

248 posts reblogged (33%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jovialjuggernaut-draws

@drones-art

@the-alice-of-hearts

@jovialjuggernaut

@forevercloudnine

I tagged 507 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#riddlebat - 224 posts

#batriddler - 200 posts

#riddler - 189 posts

#batman - 142 posts

#bruce wayne - 110 posts

#edward nygma - 94 posts

#the riddler - 93 posts

#edward nashton - 78 posts

#the batman (2022) - 55 posts

#edward nigma - 50 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#also im in a discord w lfwrites and. she said this was also sent to her so like. not really inclined to respond to a prompt sent en masse

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Literally ran to ur blog as soon as I could pick my brain back off the theater floor to post comprehensibly what r ur thoughts I am so AAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAA

oh my god no thoughts im screaming

holy shit

1) eddie was SO horny. the whole time. he kept up a boner in every fucking scene. that man was the horniest hes ever been. i think he came in his pants when he got cuffed. AND THEN STARED BRUCE IN THE EYE AFTER sticky pants and theres his fucking Beloved watching him hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2) the arkham breakdown.......... he fully believed bruce would fall in love with him then and there........... this really was the same eddie as batman forever he had the same exact pair of glasses and he was just as convinced one conversation would drop that man to one knee ring in hand

hed practiced that speech so many times but never saw past his heart eyes BRUCE you could have done something there!!! YES hes unhinged but now hes unhinged AND has your voice replaying eternally in his head digging at him hhhhhhhhhh god i love bruce making these men worse

3) Batmobile.... Sexy.

4) Bat boots...... Sexy.

5) Selina owns no good wigs and thats so funny. shes wearing the 5 dollarest wigs she could find

6) bruce punching gordo. bruce and gordo besties. this was a buddy cop comedy.

7) bruces shirtless scene being his fucking conspiracy board scene.................... if eddie had seen THAT fucking CHRIST heda been all over him like jam on bread i tell u hwat

tangentially bruce and eddie the same man. stalkers. creeps. standing there silently. watching waiting etc. love when theyre similar makes me fuzzy inside

the fact that bruce just instantly guesses the right thing to find the next clue so many times he and eddie think EXACTLY the same way theyre on SUCH a wavelength!!! the same fucking wavelength!!!!

anyway my brains fucking scattered and i need time to process and im so fucking hhhhhhhhhhgghh

i gotta write i gotta draw i gotta cosplay eddie in his lil arkham outfit w his shitty collar i need to learn to sing ave maria i love that man with my whole heart and soul i cant believe i wasnt kicked out of the theater i got so many compliments on my eddie jacket

296 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#4

WHO ELSE LOSING THEIR MINDS TONIGHT

328 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#3

himmmmmmmmmm

397 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

#2

today.... i am thinking about....

bruce taking the rats from eddies apartment home bc theres no one to take care of them w eddie in arkham and he looks up absolute mountains of rat care info and gets them an absolutely MASSIVE enclosure, fucking floor to ceiling, 5-6 levels, different stairs and platforms etc to get to each level, different chew toys on every level, and theyre fat and happy and he sometimes w take one out to sit on his shoulder and nibble at his hair when he needs a Rubber Duck for a case

and maybe also he goes to visit eddie in arkham once in a while and updates him abt how the rats r doing and its just that little connection between them like hes given the rats a better life as a proxy for edward and

anyway. bruces new pet rats.

601 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I find your power to rewrite history (create random bondage edits that get so high on google images that multiple people believe the Riddler just regularly wears rope under his clothes) to be awe-inspiring, and everyone should follow you if only to hear the next words of a prophet. What is the new fanon, wise one?

bruce wayne trans

835 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[trans-p03g]

not that anon but PLEASE DO SHARE UR THOUGHTS WITH THE NEW AU I AM SO EXCITED

Copy pasted convo with Jupiter on my discord server let's gooooo

Grimora is an eldritch god confined to an old temple built for her by people long forgotten by time, deep in caves near the sea. She's been alone for a very, very long time, as anybody that looks at her quickly loses sanity which very often leads to their death. The only company she has are her three ghouls, former followers, that she mostly avoids out of guilt. She never wanted to bring anybody pain, it's not her fault people become obsessed with her or lose their minds when they see her.

The temple is located nearby a small fishing town populated solely by blind people-- they gauged and burned their eyes out, some simply sawn their eyelids shut, for their own safety.

The outskirts of the temple become a scrapyard of sorts; the place people drop things they'd rather stay forgotten, as nobody dares venture near that place.

One of these things is P03, a half-broken robot abandoned there by their creator (or on the run, still yet to decide on their origin). They end up straying deeper into the tunnels in hopes to avoiding the rain, and soon stumble onto the template and in turn, Grimora.

And much to her surprise and delight, P03 is completely unaffected by her presence.

"Aren't you...affected?"

"By what?"

"My appearance?"

"...I suppose you look cool."

"...That's it?"

"And...pretty...?"

And Grimora's just ?????? W h a t

Not exactly how it happened but P03 would absolutely think she was trying to flirt with them in a very weird way

OH YEAH

Mags could be a blind preacher from the town. I imagine he could be a priest that went a little off his rocket, warning people about the abomination (rude) in the nearby caves

also imagine old gods dont rly have gender, but grimora went "im a girl, actually". diversity win! this horror beyond your human comprehension is transfem

(There are two ideas for Leshy in this AU, the flower shop Leshy is mine, the mad hermit Leshy is Jupiter's idea and I'll share it in a bit)

OH WHAT IF

Leshy leads a flower shop in the town, mostly specialising in herbs and natural medicine, and he's got very opposing views to Mags?

I also realised that P03 can freely interact with people in the town because they're all blind so they don't know he's a bot

Leshy would quickly realise he's a bot because he's a bit touchy? not in a weird way, just often pats people on the back, chest, shoulders etc. But he wouldn't say a thing, even to P03. Maybe he could give P03 some clothes after he figures out they don't have any - waterproof, of course

P03 was built to be waterproof but now he's pretty broken so they've got to be careful

And also what if Mora figures out (thanks to P03) that she could take on a more human form? but still covers every bit of her skin and wears a dark veil just in case

Maybe it could be some weird thing where she's both a "human" and still sitting in that spot in the temple, kind of like a meat puppet that's an extension of herself? maybe there is a tendril connecting the two bodies, but as grimora isn't fully on the same plane of existence then neither is that tendril- think of it like sort of a 4d thing, maybe a glimpse of it sometimes casts a shadow into this dimension, but it's blurry and barely there, and since it's a shadow it thankfully doesn't make people go nuts

I imagine Grimora looks like an enormous shifting mass, like a carcass of a god fallen from her former glory, tendrils from her growing through the entire temple like roots

(This bit is sent by Jupiter, if you're reading this hiii I'm leaking our dms 💜 /j) Yes yes okay so I just read over everything, but before you put that up I had a couple ideas for Leshy - I was thinking, what if he was the only man in the town who could still see? And he's like batshit crazy, only every now and then he says shit that makes sense in the most horrifying way possible. Like this guy is a fuckin hermit living up in the woods, he talks to the goddamn sparrows on his front porch - oh, and by the way, he has terrifyingly accurate information on Grimora and her crypt that nobody understands how he got ahold of. He could also become very good friends with PO3. I imagine that even though he can very clearly see it's a bot, this man just does not care and PO3 just kinda lets him ramble off into next Thursday without a damn care in the world cause at least he's nice.

(Me) The guy chats to squirrels and eats dirt but he's still a better company than that preaching priest

(Jupiter) also I like to think he's actually kinda chill when he's not being a crazy motherfucker; like he'll just sit on his porch and watch the sunset and PO3 likes getting to kinda share that silence with him

(Me. Yes, believe it or not it's more convenient for me to copy-paste like this, the letters on my phone are Very Large and it would not all fit in 10 screenshots) Maybe Leshy could still make him a fitting hoodie! I want P03 to wear a hoodie here but mf has a pretty big head so he'd need a custom one

(Jupiter) you know what would be fun? we drag Luke into this. Idiot that wandered into town. This guy just showed up, ignored all the warnings, and ended up with permanent nightmares

(Me) OH, PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR LUKE? OR JOURNALIST? maybe he was already blind just so he's safe

Or he isn't, I was actually thinking that just glancing at Grimora wouldn't be a death sentence so as long as he's careful he should be fine*

*As long as the locals don't gauge his eyes out

(Jupiter) Maybe he and Kaycee are doing some kind of project together?

(Me) Maybe Leshy is Kaycee's uncle or something?

And she really thinks that the town is pretty weird but not anything paranormal, but Luke thinks otherwise so he convinces her to go under the guise of visiting Leshy

(Jupiter) Okay hear me out

What if one of them looked at her and just fucking started going crazy, and the other (whichever you decide on) is desperately trying to save their friend from losing their mind, and they end up trying to get help from this batshit crazy hermit living up in the mountains who somehow saves them through this really creepy ritual, only they're never the same after that? It would also be really cool if part of the going crazy thing was them just constantly having visions of the dead buried beneath the town

(Me) i again like the idea of a simple glance not being enough, so maybe one of the two gets lost in the temple?

(Jupiter) HEAR ME OUT

Please consider that Grimora herself feels terrible for what she did and goes to the friend to try to save them herself, only to seal their fate when they catch a glimpse of her and just fucking lose it entirely.

(Me) i honestly want the two to have a happy-ish ending somehow and Grimora probably would know better after everything that happened in the past bUT. BUT THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.

also imagine P03's creators come to get it so she just decides to show herself to them to help the botfriend (bot boyfriend)?

(Jupiter) Imagine she fucking like, shows her true form to them or something - (oooh maybe that has the more instant affect? When she's not hiding behind the veil of mortality?) and these people just fuckin pass away on the spot alskjdfa;

(Me) and it probably finally clicks for p03 like "oh...I guess the townspeople weren't overreacting"

(Jupiter) She returns to her usual form and it's just like "Well that explains some things."

(Me) also i want sawyer and royal to be her old deceased followers that were somehow reanimated, tho i dunno how yet

(Jupiter) They're just vibin lmao

you hear distant, terrified screaming and these two are just sipping margaritas and making bets on who goes crazy first

(Me) OH YEAH

even in her "human" form Grimora is intimidating

A giant lady dressed in all black, long dress that drags on the ground, black gloves and of course a dark veil covering her face

ALSO GRIM BEING CONSTANTLY WORRIED THAT SHES GONNA EVENTUALLY HURT P03

Even though he's shown that he's not affected at all, she's still scared that one day it'll stop or that it takes longer for an artificial being like them to be broken, or it shows in a different way

so she avoids showing herself to him as much as she can

it takes a long time for P03 to convince her to remove her veil so he can see her face

(Jupiter) Wait please imagine - it just looks at her for a long time, before smiling and saying "You're beautiful...you know that?" in a really soft voice and Grimora just breaks down

(Me) YUP, SHE'D CRY. she just gets to her knees and covers her mouth and starts sobbing, and P03 is very awkward and doesn't understand social cues (neurodivergent robot ahoy) so he instantly thinks he said something wrong and starts apologising and asks if she's okay

and she just sushes him, gently strokes his face and just smiles and says "I love you...I love you so much."

bonus points if they also kiss for the first time

funfact, grimora's favourite animals are bugs

because ants cant go crazy when they look at her

P03 MAKES HER LITTLE TRINKETS RESEMBLING BUGS AND INSECTS AS GIFTS

(Jupiter)It makes her a lil stinkbug out of scrap metal it finds and welds together and it's Grimora's most prized possession ;-;

(Me) she has an entire collection of little bugs made by p03 but that one is her favourite

grimora tries to learn some handiwork stuff so she could repair her botfriend if necessary

(Jupiter) frantically looking through Youtube videos

love the thought of PO3 trying to teach her how the internet works

(Me) google earth is probably her favourite thing because she's been confined to her temple for centuries

the first time it shows her stuff they end up watching cute cat and puppy videos the whole day

FINALLY IT'S DONE

[coralwrists]

Digital diary pt 1 of pt 2

I have a lot to get off my mind, there will probably be so many parts in a single day but anyways, I have issues with my friends I did with all of them. I think I have this mindset as well where people are supposed to be perfect when in all reality we aren’t perfect and I’m definitely not perfect, my step-dad would scream at me about all my flaws and I think it’s been embedded to me and now I think that way all the time, both of my dads did it and I got twice the daddy issues or maybe it’s my anxiety or depression, everything has to be perfect or I’m nothing but a disappointment, I thought that way towards myself for a long time and now I feel like I just given up on life, I’m just waiting for something to kill me or a perfect opportunity to grab the pistol from my parents room when it’s out of place. I’m in a wheelchair and I feel like that’s my biggest problems, I’m in so much pain all the time because I have a full rod in my back and I can’t walk so sometimes I think death would be a better option but I have to remember it isn’t, we don’t know what’s after death and I couldn’t be with my dogs, my family or draw anymore if I was gone, I always have to remember that when I’m feeling down.

I’m not sure if I’m getting better, I was pretty happy for a couple of weeks and now I feel like shit again, I never had so many around me but yet I still feel lonely, I’ll go to talk and everyone ignores me in a group then people use the excuse I don’t talk loud enough when they heard me, people always talk over me so I don’t bother anymore, I don’t bother in groups anymore I blew my chance after putting myself in a mental hospital and now no one wants to talk to me anymore, I miss the old times where people would hear me out and laugh at the stupid jokes I would tell, it doesn’t make it any better when my step dad tells everyone about all the times I tried to kill myself to random strangers and then they don’t want to associate themselves with me, he always make me look like a bad person, he’ll admit to being a asshole but if I told anyone he was, he’ll get mad at me even though I get tired of talking about him in therapy there are some incidents where it pisses me off and makes me sad whenever I think about it.

But this wasn’t supposed to be about him supposed to be about my friend, my friend loses a lot of friends like I do but I think the difference between me and her, she’s being the absolute worst friend and I purposely push my friends away, I remember the first time she got mad at me it was all because I asked if my sisters can join the discord group to see what we were doing, she got incredibly upset and then pulled the “You know what I’ve done for you?” Card, like please what have you done for me? The bad outweighs the goods, if I wouldn’t have blocked her for a second she would’ve kept going and gave the worst apology ever where it makes influencer apologizes look like the best apology ever. She told me that I deserved it and I shouldn’t be upset with her, that apology right there should’ve made me blocked her on all platforms but I was in love with her so I couldn’t so I just shoved it to the side, when it was my birthday and knew it was my birthday she told me she was sad, when I ignored her she would later tell me now she’s crying. It’s a on going occurrence of course I would ignore her on my birthday. Then she was talking about how she’s jealous of her friend relationship, I guess she was going to think I would encourage her friend to cheat on his girlfriend but I told her don’t do it and don’t bring other women down all because you’re jealous. Of course she was upset but what did you expect? That’s a horrible thing to do, it’s not the cheating part but calling her a ugly skank because she’s dating a man you want.

I can’t even get started on the whole “I’ve never been in love” Shit, she’s claimed she’s never been in love and her ex was the only man for her but she puts down women all for a man, she’d do anything for a man, I’ve never been in love and I thought she was the one for me, after awhile of knowing her I fell quickly out of love, a man in front of her she would start being rude as hell towards me because a man was there when I don’t even like men so why act like that omgg and then she said she was probably a lesbian, no you’re not don’t even got to explain that one. Then compared her undiagnosed mental illness to my psychical disability but noo god forbid if you compare her problems to yours, she’ll flip her shit. Luckily I haven’t got the worst of it unlike her other friends, she’s sent me so many screenshots of her friends being “Assholes” for example one of her friends has ptsd because someone in their group killed themselves, she told her to stop telling her she wants to kill herself because she has ptsd from it, my friend took it to heart to be the biggest piece of shit and disregard her feelings and trauma and would call her a bad friend despite all the times the girl was there for my friend despite the trauma and it all started because her friend said she gets weird about her boyfriend which my friend does she already admitted she can get any man she wants and tries to get her friends bf or her friend to cheat, her friend said she was selfish and shows she don’t care which my friend is, everytime she gets called selfish she’ll ask how I’m doing, she’ll never ask that unless someone calls her selfish, like me and that girl will randomly isolate ourselves but my friend held a grudge, from what she told me is that she was gaslighting her and saying nasty shit to make her feel bad for venting, I can’t ever trust anyone who tells me they’ve been gaslit now because everytime someone said that they would take the truth as being gaslit. And what I’ve learned as well, just because you did one nice thing doesn’t stop you from being a bad person, the one nice thing you did doesn’t mean it excuses your shitty behavior, I’ve heard her call people ungrateful so many times but she has the mom I wished I had but she told me her mom better stop before she kills herself and makes her regret. As suicidal I was I would never ever say something like that let alone towards my mom, her mom and her have such a close relationship something I don’t with my mom, my mom chose a man over me she’s always have, do I sound jealous? That’s because I am jealous.

[dzpenumbra]

9/9/22

So I've been super stressed for the past few days. Who am I kidding, the past few weeks. But especially the past few days, because the gears are finally turning on the big move and it's actually looking real. I've been in this house for 5 1/2 years, before this one I was in a renovated garage on my parents property for about 6 years just one town over. Before that was college. I moved to Boston back in 2013ish... but only for a few months and I moved to be with a friend and make music. I've kinda been stuck here since I moved back.

Now, I'm planning a move about 2 hours away. I have a location picked out, it's an old renovated mill that I used to visit occasionally when I was on my break year from college 15 damn years ago. I have the application filled out, a cover letter written to explain my employment situation. It's been a big day. The catch is that this place doesn't have any units open until December.

I have a tendency to put all my eggs in one basket. I try to give whatever pulls me in the strongest my absolute attention. Maybe that's an ADD survival technique, otherwise I'll wander off or lose focus, or won't be able to choose or something. I think I might have developed this hyperfixation and attachment as a way to quickly find things I care about, that resonate with me, and link to them.

I've been exploring this ADD thing recently. It was my first real "diagnosis", depression and anxiety are kinda... duh diagnoses, who the fuck doesn't have those... ADD (specifically the Inattentive subtype) was the first label slapped on my forehead to explain why I was a really fucking smart kid but a shitty student. I remember vividly, when I failed out of college my first year - because of weed freakouts, a bad mushroom trip, and no friends to process those with, but I wasn't about to tell my conservative mom that... - we went to some person who did a bunch of testing. I apparently tested really high with IQ shit and other stuff, but I guess ADD was a factor they decided to narrow down on. I've always blown it off as a factor in my life.

The OCD stuff is pretty obvious, the PTSD stuff I think is pretty obvious, but to me, the ADD was always obscured because my best friend in high school had very run of the mill ADHD. I always compared to that and went "I know what ADD looks like, I'm not that" and just assumed everyone else was like me. Welp, turns out, nope. So yeah, maybe ADD is a good label to help find other people who think like me, or act like me, I don't know.

I feel like that's why we really feel gratification when we get "diagnoses", which is basically just like "we noticed this pattern in your behavior". Getting a label puts you in a category of people. You're no longer the dysfunctional person, the broken one, the one who's acting weird. You have a name for it, you can seek others who have it, you're not alone anymore. But I'll tell ya, nothing repels you away from that quite like being misdiagnosed and trying to meet people through that diagnosis. That was me with epilepsy and man, I am straight up cringing just thinking about how humiliated I was when the neurologist told me I 100% didn't have it. Meanwhile, the past few months I had been wearing medical alert dogtags around. So I kinda only put one foot in with that stuff now, which is good, I guess.

I'm making progress moving towards this new life and it feels like it's growing closer and closer. I visited an old friend's stream tonight, one of my old regulars. I realized I hadn't been on stream or Discord in like 6 months. He was genuinely shocked to see me. It was nice to run into someone who recognized me, and recognized me fondly. I spent a few hours with him watching him play Rimworld. I was the only person talking in chat, which is always a bit weird, but whatever. There were two other "friends" who dropped in, basically just talked about themselves, then left. Some fuckin friends. That's probably why he was so excited to see me, he got nervous and lit up. Because I'm a good friend. I engage, I make jokes, I ask questions, I stick around as long as I can. If I had a few friends like me, I'd be golden. That doesn't sound egotistical at all! XD

I'm preparing to stream again, I made a page-long list of things to do on stream, just to start. I contacted my brother, who I haven't really talked to in like 2 years since a big fight, despite him living 5 minutes away. I asked him to make music for my stream. He seemed into it. We'll see where that goes. Things are weird there, I'm not even gonna speculate on it. I just don't really want to get into it mentally right now, too much to unpack.

So the gears are moving. I'm getting back into streaming/online-presence/gaming/music/art mode and it feels good. Giving advice to another person on how to sorta "rebirth" yourself into a new life has actually helped me a bit in helping myself. I just need to listen to the advice I gave her - create a clear vision of what you're trying to build, as clear as you feel comfortable getting, then start working on making changes one-by-one until you complete the puzzle. Slow pace is fine. Slow progress is still progress. (Thanks Devin Townsend, love you!)

Feeling optimistic, and realizing just how anxious and depressed, insecure and hopeless, I have been. Seeing how difficult it must be to be around me sometimes when I'm so convinced the world is out to get me. And boy do I have the evidence to prove it. Maybe that's the PTSD talking, I have no idea anymore, I'm just... I just want a life where I can have friends over for a poker night or D+D. Or do a Discord hangout with a few friends, have a few drinks and play Tabletop Simulator or something. It's been a long time since I've done that, and I miss it dearly. I miss fucking Jackbox!

I hope those days are coming soon. Isolation is a bitch, not just in its experience, but how intimidating and overwhelming reintegrating into society can be when you come back. Especially alone. It's hard to put into words. It's not like stage-fright for me, not that kind of adrenaline dump and "fuck fuck fuck, get it together, you got this". Phone calls can be like that, but not often honestly. It's much more like... "I'm afraid that person my friend brought over to my house is going to steal something." I guess. Or "is this guy walking towards me in the alley going to mug me?" I haven't really put a ton of thought into it recently. But it is very looming.

I'm fading, it's getting late. Smoked this new weed my friend got - its a mix of flower and Delta-8, but also mixed with the old shit. I'm gonna give it a test whirl on its own tomorrow to acquaint myself with this strain, see how it hits me. Maybe we'll see if we can get some music done too.

Oh shit, last note - so the idea with my brother doing music for my stream, and maybe other streams... that was like a lightning bolt inspiration moment for me. I haven't had one of those in a while, especially that strong, I was just unpacking groceries and just BOOM. So whatever is shifting in my life right now, it's opening me up to very powerful inspiration. This is extremely exciting. Even if the idea ends up being a bust, I have an open conduit to my primary source of creative power. That means I should nurture it and engage with it. Strike while the iron's hot. We'll see where it guides me next, and I will most likely stream that.

Sleep time!

[skybristle]

going insane going absolutely wild going fucking batshit about golden cheese cookie. Like. if u followed me you signed up for my bullshit sorry in advance note MOST of this is me talking out of my ass and making shit up and i don't think devs would do this but i think i should be allowed to go insane about a fictional cookie actually i typed too much putting this under a cut IF YOU LIKE THIS, TELL ME!!!! I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU ABT MY INSANITY!!!! either thru reblogs or u can dm me on discord at skybristle#6009, just send me a friend request and ask away! :]

okay so like. starting off. i think she's a false ancient. god blessed, yes, but not a true *ancient.* i don't know. just,,,, don't read her as an initial god, rather someone with a massive god complex that isn't in check. fun fact, in the art book, you can see a pic of her as a kid [or i assume so and that means its true because my rules now] [also ignore dark cacao he's just thotting it up i couldnt find this on its own and was too lazy to crop the original pics]

notice anything? her wings are missing. + her soul gem is a different color but like all of her beta art is that color so ill disregard it for now. but the MISSING WINGS. her kingdom is built on greed and vanity, and, going into made up shit territory, the rulers are surrounded by rumors of a god being in their liniage somewhere back but,,,, the signs of it are gone? it's a false power. until, on the night of her coronation, golden cheese falls unconcious suddently as the crown is placed on her head. she meets the God [whatever they are fuck if i know but like it isnt super relevant it's something winged, perhaps the god of wealth and pride? who fucking knows], a small talk about restoring the kingdom to something more meaningful than a gold mine, and ending with a blessing. golden cheese rises from the ground and spreads her newfound wings, showering the throne room in her radiance. and. this doesn't bode well for someone already raised on superiority. she becomes a rather cruel and vain leader [as seen in her art book, she basically forced the cheesebirds to treat her like a god]. she knows about the ancients. she should be as good as them. she should be BETTER than them, if anything, like she is with everyone else. doing the god's demands,,,, maybe that starts with alliances? she's so absorbed in the power trip she doesnt bother to stop and think about her godsent mission she can fit right in,,, a flawless amber stone traded for gold can easily pass for a soul gem, especially in her radiance. in many ways, she is an ancient, in name, power, semi-immortality, but she is not one at her core. and nobody knows. until dark enchantress has her at her knees, desprate for the power or her soul gem, and golden cheese swallows her pride and simply smiles "take it" "it was never real, not for a moment, white lily." [insert the fridge was a lie joke] /JOKING but yeah fuck man i cant get my thoughts in order and ill probably mess with this and change my mind but this concept has me like,,, HOLY FUCK i think after the dark flour war, she loses her wings. she's disgraced the god with her arrogance and failure. it's a blow to her pride, but much deeper, her heart. her kingdom loses all faith in her and casts her out her story chapters have her earn them again and realize her flaws and conquer her god complex, and in the last moment, she bursts to the sky with her flight repaired and whirls a real soul gem in her crown.

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

[iphoenixrising]

The Demon You Know

Day 1 Urban Fantasy AU | Magical/Supernatural Creatures | Time Travel

So, something a little off the grid for my first day of DickTim Week 2021. Special thanks to my wonderful babe @vellaphoria for the beta and the incredible peeps on the Capes and Coffee discord (looking at you @themandylion, @strawberryjei and others). Also need to show my undying love for @chippon because babe, we are making it work.

**

When the sun creeps up over the sky in Gotham, then it’s time to GTFO. Capes in the daytime aren’t the usual for the city, and Red Robin has been playing it too late, staying out far past O’s warning to bring it in for the night. So, really, he’s only got himself to blame.

His penthouse perch has seen more use in the last few months since, welp, Gotham and the fact he likes to get away from the team mentality sometimes, like to return to his roots and run the rooftops like when he was still that Robin. His trips to the Manor had become more frequent since B was back in the cowl and things in the family seemed to be returning to some semblance of normal. 

Well, as normal as it could get, really.

But all that goodwill and positivity is literally ghost. Red’s hands are shaky and his inner calm is absolutely blown. He’s ducking into his perch to throw his suit off, grab his duffle bag full of sundries and fake idents, then he’s going to hit the airport as fast as he can get a flight the hell out of town, away from the terrifying sight.

(He should just call Bart or Kon or Cassie, tell them he needs an out faster than he can arrange it himself, he needs to get away from–)

He knows he fucked up when the slight sounds, small and metallic in nature, make it past his pulse thumping in his ears.

Like a horror flick, he slowly turns as the front door gives a groan and is pushed open by a very familiar palm.

Dick’s blue eyes fall on him like a ton of bricks, on Red Robin’s feet frozen to the floor, his suit only half on, and no way he can get far enough to throw himself out a window.

Fuck.

“So,” Dick keeps his voice soft, footsteps easy as he steps inside Tim’s penthouse and closes the door behind him, “you finally found me out.”

Keeping his mouth shut in times like this has really saved his ass before, so Red doesn’t say a word, keeps every muscle in his body ready to spring for the right second –

Watching the would-be robber struggle in Dick’s grip, watching the light show brighten overwhelmingly, seeing what had to be-had to be feeding.

“I figured it would be you if anyone, actually, so I’m not really surprised, just… disappointed.” Dick continues softly, only in jeans and a t-shirt since Nightwing was oddly missing from the patrol roster last night.

And Red is apparently the only one that knows why.

“But that doesn’t mean I can just let you go, Timmy,” Dick isn’t stopping, his whole body lax while Red is wound tight, backing away from the man he thought he knew. “I really wish you hadn’t found out like this. I...I had other plans.” 

Whirlybirds and pellets aren’t going to help him here. Hand-to-hand and martial arts, aerial acrobatics, none of it is going to make a difference. 

His throat goes dry when Dick’s eyes get more and more blue, when his former mentor doesn’t stop advancing, and Red Robin is running out of room to back away.

“I tried to save you, Timmy. I tried so hard to get you away, out of Gotham, even if you went because you thought you had to find Bruce, I’m the one that gave you the compulsion to leave.” The low laugh is edged with something desperate, “why the hell couldn’t you stay away?”

“This is my city, just as much as Batman’s. You taking my fucking cape wasn’t enough,” Red Robin bites out, back thumping against the kitchen counter, realizing Dick had backed him into the corner. “How did you keep it from him? Constantine, Zatanna, all the magic users he has on speed dial and he never figured you out? No one in the JLA or Titans did?”

That makes Dick pause.

“He never had to. He knew what my parents were before they ever died, Timmy. Haley’s Circus came to Gotham regularly. Bruce always knew.”

The information blast hits him painfully, that Bruce didn’t bother to tell him and look at where they are now.

“And he didn’t try to help you?” Red, Tim, gapes at the still silhouette that used to be someone he thought he knew like he knew himself. Someone that’s always had this secret. “He didn’t try to –”

“Cure me?” Dick’s mouth lifts in a semblance of a smile Tim knows. “There is no cure for this, Timmy. It’s what I am. What my parents both were, the curse of the Romain Bababiljos. It’s unfortunate for me both of them were cursed, that just makes the...the hunger two-fold.”

And it’s just a few more steps, a raised hand that makes Tim flinch back, but only a fingertip taps the edge of the domino, makes the whiteouts raise.

Automatically, with everything he’s learned, studied, experienced about supernatural creatures, he ducks his head so he isn’t looking directly into those eyes. That doesn’t stop Dick from bracketing Tim in, both hands on the counter, their bodies a breath apart.

Dick laughs softly, close enough for Tim to feel the breath on his face. “The Titans...I never had to tell them. By then, I could control myself, at least mostly. The JLA? I’m one of the Batman’s proteges. I’ve been fighting crime since I was eight. They believe in me. There was never a reason for any of them to look too deeply past the surface.”

“Wh-what do you mean mostly?” Tim’s heart slams in his chest, “how many people have you killed, Dick?”

“Do you have any idea how awful the hunger is?” And the lower Dick’s voice goes, the harder Tim’s heart starts to pound. “Surviving on hugs and family affection is tantamount to starvation for someone like me. It’s so easy to kill someone during sex because the hunger is so much I can’t control it sometimes. Anyone I’m with is in danger.  That’s why I couldn’t stay with Babs, she’s too human. The one time I came close–” 

Dick breathes again and all Tim looks at is the span of throat, thinking of the soft, vulnerable parts, anything he can use to get the fuck away.

“–but I didn’t. I have...willpower sometimes. I drained her so close, though. She was-was so fragile, Timmy, and I was so hungry. I’d been starving for so damn long. She was hospitalized for longer than she’d been when the Joker shot her, and I said never again. But Wally and Kory were...different. I could go further with him without killing them, I could get more full than I’d been in a long time. It was still dangerous for them, but I was so far gone by the time...”

“They’re both still alive. Babs is still alive. Does she–?”

“Remember? Of course not. None of them do. I made sure of that, Tim, so none of them would be afraid of me.”  And the air changes when Dick gets closer, his eyes get brighter, and Tim almost chokes with the almost touch to his body under his suit. “But, you are going to be different, aren’t you? I’m not going to be able to convince your mind that what you saw was a dream.”

“So what? You’re going to make me “disappear”? You’ll give Bruce some sob story about how I got tired of the vigilante life and left for college or some shit? Going to bury me where no one will ever find me?” He isn’t looking at Dick’s face, can’t see his own end coming, can’t believe he’d put all his faith and belief in this man only to have it all come to this.

Tim laughs wetly, blinking rapidly, and everything suddenly comes together. “He won’t ever come looking for me anyway. You made sure of that when you made Damian your Robin. Nice plan, Dick. No one is going to give a shit if I’m never seen again anyway.”

And it’s stupid not to at least try, not to duck and kick out, trip up whatever Dick really is, to break a window and fucking run, try to get Bruce, Clark, Kon and Bart and Cassie, to get anyone to listen to him about what Dick really is, to try to save himself.

(If you’d never figured out Dick was Robin, if you never put yourself in front of him, you’d be safe now. Miserable but safe.)

Even if it’s his own brain pan spitting this out, he knows it’s bullshit. 

If he’d never approached Dick Grayson with proof Batman was losing his mind, Tim Drake wouldn’t have reached twenty-one. The way his life was going, he would have probably hung himself long before getting to this stage in his life. If he’d never had Bruce or Alfred or Dick or Steph, if he’d never had Robin, never had Young Justice or The Titans, if he’d never had the Clench, never felt the rumble under his feet as Gotham had fallen, if he’d never had the agony of losing everyone in his life, if he’d never had the drive to prove his adopted father was alive…

The civilian Tim Drake wouldn’t have had the strength to make it through life alive.

So if this is the way he goes out, if Dick is the one that ends it for him–

There’re worse ways to go.

He’s not going to be the Joker’s next victim or Ra’s al Ghul’s heir with a mix of Lazarus Pit crazy. The HIVE, the Light, the mass of aliens he’s fought, any number of Rogue Gallery thugs, none of them will be the ones to take him out.

But this?

His career as Robin started out with Dick Grayson, so maybe...maybe it’s fitting this is the way it all ends. 

He sucks in a breath and finally tilts his head up, looks up into those electric blue eyes, and lets his breath out so so slow.

Because Dick is looking at him with watery eyes, with a grimace, with something Tim can actually recognize.

But those eyes light up in his penthouse perch, take on a supernatural glow, Dick snatching his wrists in bigger hands, pulling Tim closer, the heat getting through layers of Kevlar and Nomex. And just like that, he can’t pull away, can’t pull back.

There’s no way to defend himself when Dick pulls him in, when he expects to get his throat ripped out, his neck snapped, something important crushed, for the darkness to take over and his heart to slow down to a sad, weak pitter patter.

He can’t defend himself when Dick kisses him, opens his mouth, and stuns him into going completely slack.

“I told you,” Dick growls softly when he pulls back, bends enough to get Tim laid out over his shoulder, “I had other plans.”

But Tim can’t reply, can’t do anything other than lay across Dick’s back as the Romani love deamon strides down the hallway and kicks open the bedroom door.

**

And if Tim Drake survives until morning, shocking the hell out of the both of them, staring up at Dick’s surprised face and glowing blue eyes, if the soft touch to his jaw contrasts sharply with the bruises and red marks blossoming all over his body from an intense night with his supernatural mentor and best friend, if Dick doesn’t whisper, “finally, finally, my mate,” before kissing him. 

If the power Dick drains from him doesn’t kill him, doesn’t do more than give him the most amazing span of unending multiple orgasms to ever happen, if Dick isn’t fully satisfied for the first time in his life. If Dick doesn’t call them both off patrol for the next three nights, carts Tim back to his apartment, refuses him clothes and computers and tech, tells the Titans they’re taking a break from crime fighting while Tim is tied and gagged in his bed, sated enough to listen hazily with half-mast eyes. 

If Dick doesn’t hand feed him while he’s getting feeling back in his legs (finally) and give him the full run-down about his parents. If the strange mark on his abdomen doesn’t get warm whenever Dick’s hand is on it, fingers tracing the edges, making those blue, blue eyes dilate in possessiveness. If Tim doesn’t eventually escape with his sanity intact and a little terrified how much his body craves only to have Dick chase after him with single-minded purposes to convince him they’re meant to be.

Then only the man with cameras all over Gotham, waiting and watching with bated breath and fear for his Robins, unmitigated relief when his theory proves true, would be able to give all the details.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Wano (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

okay so the wano flashback is possibly my favorite in the whole series for a whole bunch of different reasons, and oden as a character is a big part of why. honestly, i think he’s great. he’s wildly entertaining and ridiculously likable, just like a folk hero should be.

i care about oden and the akazaya nine a lot. they have one of my favorite found family dynamics in the whole series, up there with the strawhats themselves- a bunch of thugs and castoffs who wound up gathering around this one wildly charismatic moron and deciding to be stronger and better for him. 

i think they really feel like a family, in these little moments we get of them just interacting and messing around, and it only makes later events- oden’s death, the twenty-year separation, kanjurou’s betrayal- hurt all the worse.

on god it is the funniest thing on earth to me that this is how oden and izou wound up on whitebeard’s ship. 

the roger pirates!! i really really like the roger pirates!! i love that there’s this entire predecessor crew who are both absolutely fucking fascinating from a lore perspective and who are just all individually really good characters with really fun relationships. the dynamics we get to see just in this brief part of the flashback are absolutely delightful. i think the fact that i would read a whole series just about the roger pirates is a testament to oda’s character writing. 

there’s a specific sort of tragedy to the roger pirates, and i think it really hits home in their last few pages in this flashback. by all appearances, they were a crew just as close-knit as the strawhats are. they cared about each other a lot- that ship was their home.

and then their captain died, and they just- fell apart. 

awhile back, in my sabaody post, i talked about how we get to know roger first as a story and then as a character by getting to meet characters who knew him personally. to the rest of the world, roger is a story, a name to curse or a height to aspire to. but for shanks and rayleigh and crocus and buggy and all the rest of the roger pirates, he was their captain. 

the whole wano flashback, possibly more than any of the others in the series, really feels to me like a story being told, a folk tale being passed down, which makes sense, since it’s canonically framed as oden’s diary entries. and i think that framing device just adds so much to the atmosphere of this entire section of story, the feeling of myth and legend to it. 

i honestly really like how oden’s death is handled. i have trouble articulating it, but it’s so much, so over the top, so heavily set up and foreshadowed- a legendary death for a legendary man, if that makes sense.

toki’s prophecy is one of my favorite motifs in this whole arc. wano is all about a country that’s been trapped and dying for years and years, holding out desperate hope for salvation. toki is the one who gave them that hope. she doesn’t try to tell them that everything will be okay, she says it will be dark and the darkness will be long, but the dawn will come, and even though she gave her life to do that, she did it smiling. 

without toki, the wano arc never would have happened, because there would be no future to fight for. 

this panel is the header on my favorite op discord server and sometimes i just scroll up and stare at it. it’s so good. 

this entire sequence, starting from luffy law and kidd’s entrance, is probably my favorite in wano arc. it’s the turning of the sides, the daybreak after the darkest hour- these three show up, and then jinbe, and denjirou reveals his true colors and it’s revealed all the rest of the samurai left before orochi blew the bridges, and it turns out they haven’t lost a single step to kanjurou’s treachery. it just feels so good to read, after the prior hopelessness of the akazaya and the tragedy of the flashback.

i really like how the akazaya nine are absolutely ready to roast each other at any and all times. that’s how you know they’re best friends. 

i think i mentioned it back in fishman island, but one of my favorite things is the strawhats just being absolutely cheerfully, chaotically destructive. every time we get to see them wreck havoc while nonchalantly bickering with each other it puts a huge smile on my face.

i think ulti and page one are very very funny and i like their dynamic a lot, it’s a laugh riot. i also like that oda lets luffy seriously fight a woman here!! i’m serious, we don’t see enough no-holds-barred fights between men and women (conventionally attractive women, specifically) in this series, so i’m pleasantly surprised when it does happen. 

i do appreciate wano’s ability to continuously raise the “holy shit!” quotient without it ever really feeling like a twist just for the sake of the audience. like, i don’t know that anybody saw kaidou killing orochi coming, but at the same time, it feels like it does make sense, given what we know about kaidou, for him to do this.

my heart goes out to momo, honestly. he’s only eight, and in that time he’s lost his home and family and his whole world when he was thrown twenty years into the future, and he has the weight of his whole country resting on his shoulders. he’s borne up admirably under that stress, starting from zou and building up to this point.

i LOVE kin’emon’s speech to kaidou about luffy SO much. kin’emon’s come a long way from being a mostly comedy relief character in punk hazard to here, where he’s shouting down an emperor. i really like this progression- kin’emon doesn’t change, exactly, but the side of his character that is revealed in wano is very likable and admirable. it goes back to something i’ve mentioned before, about how one piece’s characters are very rarely one-dimensional.

kaidou’s dragon form is extremely cool, and so are most of the panels where it appears- it’s extremely striking, especially in panels like this, where he’s silhouetted against the moon.

i love... the ripple effects of luffy just being himself that spread throughout the world of one piece, and i think this is one of the best examples. luffy befriended coby all the way back in chapter two, mostly by accident, and now, nine hundred and some chapters later, that’s what leads to drake joining the strawhats’ side. because drake is friends with coby who says luffy is trustworthy, so when drake is stuck with nobody else to turn to, he turns to luffy. 

moments like this really reinforce just how much the world and story of one piece is built on relationships between people, and i really like that. i like that instead of necessarily being built around abstract ideals or morals, characters’ actions are, more often than not, motivated by either specific personal goals or by their relationships with other characters. it feels much more true to life.

i like the loss of kiku’s arm, because it showcases exactly how serious the fight is on both sides. it both shows that kaidou is fighting to maim and kill and do whatever it takes to win, and that the akazaya are fully prepared to take whatever he throws at them. kiku gets back up smiling after losing her arm. neither side in this fight is even close to backing down, now or ever. 

i genuinely can’t believe how long it took me to talk about yamato, so let me just say: i love him so much. part of this, i’m sure, is my personal bias towards any and all kickass queer characters, but part of it is just- he’s so cool. he’s ten feet tall and carries a club about as big as he is and tanks explosions like they’re nothing while also bickering with luffy and falling out of ceilings and generally being like... stupidly lovable. 

i just like yamato a lot. 

a thousand chapters in, and every strawhat but robin has had a moment where they declare luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, but honestly, i think nami’s might be my favorite yet. nami has always been a person who acts at a distance, not one inclined to direct confrontation and putting herself in danger-

and yet, when it comes down to it, when faced with a choice between death and disavowing her captain’s dream, even when assured by usopp that she would be fully justified in lying for her life, nami chooses luffy. even in the most dire of circumstances, all of the strawhats know luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, and none of them would ever deny it.

i kind of alluded to this back in my dressrosa post, but i really like the development of law’s new dream being discovering the meaning of the will of d. it just feels like a very good and natural progression for his character, given he’s the only holder of the will of d who we’ve been shown is consciously aware of it and what it might mean. and in general, i like seeing him having something else to work towards after doflamingo’s defeat.

i’ll end this by just saying i am so desperately curious to know what is in that book, and what yamato knows about the will of d, about the dawn of the world, about laugh tale. 

guess we’ll find out, huh?

thanks for reading through to the end!! i had a lot of fun putting these posts together, and writing them up was a really cool way to be able to compile my thoughts headed into chapter 1000 and beyond. i can’t wait to see where oda takes us next. 

[kominum]

semoto (corpse x fem!reader)

4 times you think tuxedo mask!corpse could be yours + 1 time you learn to stop feeding your own delusions 

pt. 1 + background info can be found here! please read for context. 

basic rundown of classic!sailor moon (anime) lore ‘creatively’ used in this two-part:

sailor moon and tuxedo mask are star-crossed lovers/soulmates that faced tragedy in a previous life. 

sailor mars (aka you/reader) had a crush on tuxedo mask’s non-hero persona, darien/mamoru, for a while 

sailor moon is the moon princess and tuxedo mask is the earth prince.  

sailor moon’s non-hero persona, usagi/serena, bickered a lot with darien/mamoru.

fem!reader // tw: death mentions, bodily injury, unrequited love to the very end, some unresolved tension. 

1. “Whaddup, baby?” 

Without much reason, you and Corpse trade off calling each other whenever a new monster is defeated. You’re figuring out all of this as much as he is, but he doesn’t have much guidance besides some supernatural force within him. He’s not taking instructions from a black cat and white cat like you and the other girls are who can help fill you in on the gaps -- all he knows is that he’s pivotal to maintaining Earth’s existence, and he’s not exactly thrilled about it.

But the calls are never about the fights, never about your secret identities. In fact, you’d be willing to bet half your grocery funds that he still hasn’t made the connection between you and your Sailor Mars persona and part of you wants to keep it that way. Sometimes you’re mentally exhausted and just want to forget about the events for the day or night, which is why you usually end up calling him soon after everyone disperses or vice versa. It’s almost instinctual these days, and you wonder how long it’ll be before you accidentally crack. 

Right now, the rule of thumb seems to be, “Never trust new flashy shops that open with no warning and have too-good-to-be-true grand opening offers.” This time, some luxurious salon opened up by a famous local hairdresser had been the said attraction. All of you weren’t ignorant enough to believe the sham, but the star of the show had taken the chance to say, “Let’s go scope it out!” when really, she wanted that free haircut. You had called her out on it, but she argued that if anything happened, then perfect, you all could take care of it right then and there. Needless to say, you do not want to be attacked by a monstrous version of Edward Scissorhands ever again. Corpse had made a dark, humorous entrance, a style he’s really adapted to because he knows it pisses Sailor Moon off, 

About an hour later, you’re home and bandaging up some cuts and rubbing salve on bruises, phone on speaker and dial tone blaring through the bathroom. You’re addressing the scrape on your knee when he picks up, a low drawl of, “Whaddup, baby?” comes through and your heart stutters.

The girls call you a number of terms of endearment: sweetie, honey, love, dear, babe, queen, but the last person to address you as ‘baby’ with any amount of affection was your ex-boyfriend.

You scoff to hide how flustered you actually are, quietly hissing as you attempt to put some Neosporin on the scrape and catch onto some stray skin. “Are you drunk?” You ask jokingly, knowing full well he wasn’t. 

“Drunk? Nah. Tired? Yeah. But that’s always.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s old news. But uh, what’s up? Been a while since we last talked.”

“We talked like...three days ago. You called me, remember?”

“Feels like forever. I like talking to you.” 

You wonder if it’s irony or plain, cruel fate that this man will probably be the death of you.

2. “Don’t lay a fucking hand on her.”

It’d been a bad day overall. Lack of sleep compiled on by a growing pile of assignments in addition to having to get your tires checked out for an air leak because your car said, “Not today, honey,” -- everything came together in torrential hurricane and the last thing you needed was to be caught fighting another force of evil.

You’re so tired.

Sailor Moon seems to have all the energy in the world as she dodges attacks left and right, but your muscles are screaming in agony. You’re constantly hunched over and panting, but looking for the right openings to weaken the monster. Luckily, the creature has its back towards you when it dashes over to Venus and you muster everything you have to summon a bow and arrow made of fire, pulling back and making sure your arms don’t quiver. 

But at the last second, your lack of oxygen gets the best of you and your flame sniper barely manages to graze the monster’s side and narrowly avoid Jupiter. It’s enough to cause a distraction, but the anger in its glare as it’s directed at you elicits surrender in your heart. There’s nothing left in your bones to help you run or hide, and your knees buckle painfully onto the concrete. Everything else hurts so bad that you’re not bothered by the sediments digging through your skin. Venus is running towards you but she’s not quick enough, and you feel your eyes begin to slip. If this is what death feels like, then so be it. You hope that the girls’ mourning will be short, that they can still complete the ultimate mission, and--

“Don’t lay a fucking hand on her,” an angered, frustrated baritone spits out and you’re torn between laughing or crying. In a separate romantic context, you’d like the idea of wholeheartedly leaving your life in his hands. But in this reality when either of you could die at any moment and the world be consumed in darkness, it’s something you would never wish upon anyone. It’s a different situation than your bonds with the girls. 

The pain is enough to send you in and out of consciousness for the next few minutes. But strong, warm arms sit you up, though they’re slightly trembling and keeping you awake. “Hey, you okay? What happened to you? You’re stronger than this.” 

“G-great way of telling me, fuckthathurts, that I was...shit today,” you joke, but hiss when you try to move your legs and the deep scrapes scream in agony. 

“Take it easy, ‘kay? Or your princess is gonna have my head--”

“Thanks man, but we got it from here,” said princess interjects, hoisting you up with the help of the other girls. “You can go.”

“Speak of the devil,” Corpse chuckles and helps make the transfer less painful, a lot less awkward jostling around. “Look, I saved her--”

“And I said thank you. We’ll see you around,” your stubborn friend dismisses. 

“You’re welcome, baby.”

“Not your baby, piss off!”

3. “I’m always gonna be there for you, no matter what.”

It’s soft yet sonorous, deep yet light. Twilight hours are cast high above you both, separated by walls and buildings connected over wires and unseen forces. Technology is the sharpest, double-edged sword you’ve seen and used on this planet, because Corpse has never felt so close yet so far than in this moment. Your mind deludes you further by indulging in believing he’s right there next to you, strong arms holding you much like he did when you were on the brink of unconsciousness just two weeks ago.

Wishing, hoping, wanting. Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.

The one year anniversary of your ex-lover’s death looms over you on another sleepless, caffeine-fueled night. It’s no surprise when his custom ringtone chimes softly throughout your room during these graveyard hours, but it certainly raises your eyebrows when after a minute or two, he asks tentatively, “Are you gonna go visit him?”

There’s no question as to who or where “him” is. You haven’t been since the funeral, if you’re honest, swept up by work, classes, and your new side job. But Corpse doesn’t know that, and you know it’d be the right thing to do. Maybe it’d help settle the storm of anxiety (or guilt?) that swirls in your gut on a daily basis. 

“I think so,” you reply quietly after a moment of silent contemplation, already thinking ahead to what the drive might be like. “He deserves better.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Charming, compassionate, thoughtful, absolutely too good for this world -- the three-letter affirmation nearly slips off your tongue without a second thought. You can’t risk him seeing you, putting two and two together, and potentially forever losing him to his long-lost princess. Selfish delusion creeps through your veins and you fight back the shiver of guilt that runs down your spine. 

“I think I’ll be okay. Might be a visit made best alone, but I really appreciate you even asking.”

“Let me know if you change your mind. You know I’m always gonna be there for you, no matter what. Right?”

Warmth. Strength. Oblivion. 

“I know. Thank you.”

4. “I don’t have anyone else but you.”

“Why are we doing this again?”

“Because we can’t sleep and have nothing better to do.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you chuckle into your phone, free hand swirling a pot of instant ramen. “I have better things to do at 3 in the morning than watch The Poltergeist with you.” 

“Then go fucking do it,” Corpse laughs teasingly. 

“And leave you high and dry? I don’t have the heart.”

“I mean, you really don’t have to--”

“Seriously, I was awake anyways. Just giving you shit.”

“One of these days, you’re gonna fucking regret it.”

Ramen done and lamp on, you snuggle beneath your blanket and start the traditional countdown to pressing ‘play’ on the movie. Neither of you really had the technology to screen share on this Discord call (your laptop is almost on its last leg and your apartment WiFi can be spotty at times), so it seemed better this way. 

The next roughly 2 hours are filled with laughter, small jump scare yelps, and quiet yelling at the ignorance and twisted logic of horror movie characters. But towards the end of the movie (and arguably the climax), your eyelids start to droop, body succumbing to the warmth of your bed. The screaming and cheesy, orchestrated music are all background noise as your breathing evens out, shifting in and out of consciousness. Ending credits roll on screen before you know it, and the only think that rips you awake is Corpse’s gentle calling of your name. 

“Sorry, fell asleep,” you murmur tiredly and squint at your screen, languidly closing out the window and letting the Discord window take precedence. “Tells you how riveting I found this movie.”

“Should’ve just let you sleep, my bad,” he chuckles. “Thanks for staying up with me.” 

“Yeah of course -- I wanted to, just got a little sleepy. Wanna watch another one?”

“ ‘m actually gonna try to sleep. Don’t wanna bother you too much. You got work tomorrow?”

“Not ‘til noon so it’s okay. You sure?” 

“Yeah...yeah. I’ve only had like...3 hours of sleep lately. Fucking awful.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You do enough by just letting me call at the fucking crack of dawn, seriously.”

“I’m your only option, let’s be real,” and your voice is a mix of fatigue, humor, and some bitter sardonicism. There’s no malice intended, and you really hope it’s conveyed accurately. 

“...I don’t have anyone else but you,” he all but murmurs. Your heart clenches painfully, anxiety and fear and love surging through your lungs. Those words don’t hold the connotation you desperately wish for, but what matters most is that he knows he’s not alone and you’re not the only one he’s got. You verbalize as such and he only hums back in a façade of agreement before wishing you a good night. 

And sometimes, while you do know that your girls have your back and that you love them to death and would take a bullet for them any day, there are nights where you really do feel the same.

That you have no one else but Corpse. 

5. “He was never yours.”

There’s nothing you hate more than psychological monsters. You’d probably take physical pain over mind games any day because at least, it’d heal faster to some degree, or there would be a more surefire way of minimizing symptoms. But sometimes, there are days when the egotistical chess players of hell come to wreck havoc on the world, and you get lost in their trap. It’s annoying, a pain in the ass, and affects you a lot more than it should at times. 

This particular instance makes you want to quit. It makes you, Sailor fucking Mars, guardian of the planet of fire and passion and perseverance, leave all of this behind right here and now. You’ve never hated yourself more for feeling so weak. 

You’re not sure what to call it -- altered dimension, distorted reality -- but all you know is that you and the princess are kept in separate cages hanging from an endless ceiling, labelled as baits for tuxedo mask/Corpse to come. The enemy lets you both stew in the confines of the metal, watching with glee as your partner attempts to cut through the rails with her tiara and ultimately fail. It seems they’ve thought of everything because you’re not their #1 enemy today. Or maybe you are. You’re not sure anymore, even as they launch into villainous speech. 

“Nothing brings me more joy than watching you lose all your energy to fight, both physically and mentally. I’ve seen all your dreams and wishes. Nothing’s more fickle and double-edged than love, no? We shall see who the prince really belongs to.”

Mention of the prince has you snapping your head to meet the enemy’s eyes, slowing squinting as they catch yours and begin cackling like your demise is racing at the speed of an oncoming train. Your princess looks confused, but dread is heavy mercury filling your veins because you know, you know, your best held secret is coming to fruition. 

“What the fuck are they talking about?” She hisses across the void. 

“I don’t know,” you lie through your teeth, eyes flicking toward every corner of the cage now to find a way out. This isn’t how you wanted it to happen, much less happen at all. 

“Are they talking about Corpse?”

“Is there any other prince they’re referring to?”

“Do you always have to be a smartass with me?”

“Somebody’s got to,” you allow yourself a slight reprieve of laughter. It’d be dumb to try to set fire to this thing, knowing you’d only burn yourself in the process. Your exorcism tags also have no use and you can hear the clock ticking down in your mind. 

“Think it’s pretty fucking rude to keep a couple of girls in cages, not gonna lie,” a baritone voice cuts through. It sends temporary sparks of relieve down your spine. Perhaps you’ll have a fighting chance to get out of here. 

“Welcome, welcome! I’d like to get straight to the point, but maybe we’ll up the stakes a little bit before you answer my question,” they tease cartoonishly and you want to roll your eyes.

“Is this a fucking test--”

Both you and sailor moon yelp as the cages drop into a miraculously (or not) appearing large body of water, but still hanging just above the surface so you have enough air to breathe. You look out and down to see how deep this pit is, and though it might be some elaborate illusion seemingly defying all laws of physics, you see nothing but descending darkness. You don’t even have to hear the question to know what the enemy is going for, to know that they’re trying to hit you where it hurts the most, and you loathe how cliché and goddamn unfair this whole situation has turned out to be. 

“So, dear prince. Pretend that the fate of the world depends on the princess. Before you are just two girls you know and care for, stuck, captured, and on the brink of drowning. You may only save one. Who would it be?”

It’s fucked up. Corpse seems stunned, perplexed by the question. “What the absolute fuck is this? Just let them go if you had an issue with me.”

“Quite frankly, I have an issue with allof you, so this is only fair. Now, what’s your answer?”

Corpse catches your eyes first. Is it from the water that your eyes seem to be brimming with unshed tears? Is it stubbornness or defeat in the way your hands clench around the cage bars?

And this is why, once again, you hate enemies who strictly play mind games. Confirmation that Corpse would never love you the way you do him, knowledge to the princess that she’s the source of your deepest unhappiness despite the bickering friendship, realization to Corpse that the girl he’s treasured so dearly and maybe unknowingly kept as a bit of a placeholder was doomed to love him -- pain on all of you, lashes and scars on what was once believed to be unbreakable bonds, as soon as the villain explains it all with sick glee. 

“Do I have to give you an answer?”

“If you don’t, I’ll really consider drowning them since I honestly wasn’t before.”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Ah, just to make things a little more interesting -- I’m aware you and the princess speak regularly outside of all this.”

They what? This was certainly news to you. 

“And?” Corpse asks somewhat defensively. 

Don’t say it. Don’t tell him. Please don’t--

“Say Mars, don’t you enjoy those late night calls with him, too? Though I must say, meeting in a hospital while your ex-boyfriend is having life-altering emergency surgery seems rather morbid in its own respect.”

You don’t have to look at him to know and hear the gears turning in his brain, the villain allowing this brief silence to let everything sink in. There’s a disbelieving whisper of your name, your real name, but he’s cut off from saying anything more. 

“You have 10 seconds.” 

You know the stories. You know the couple’s tragic end in their previous lifetime. You know that as much as the princess denies feeling anything but annoyance towards Corpse, she looks forward to seeing him. There’s a certain softness that he treats her with, different from the platonic affection that he showers you in. You’ve lied to yourself for too long. 

The countdown has no chance to finish when Corpse spits out a name that’s not yours, your eyes squeezing shut to fight back the tears that threaten to flood over. Everything disappears and you land on your butt -- a quick sweep of your surroundings registers two things: Corpse running over to your princess and the villain standing proudly at the chaos they’ve created. It’s instinct that has brings your powers to surface, arms and fingers quickly notching a fiery arrow with pinpoint aim at the imaginary target on their head. “Move!” You yell at the two and they scramble to gather their bearings and avoid your rage. 

They don’t run or cower. The maniacal grin only grows wider and more sinister and you’re this close to screaming expletives. 

“Hurts, doesn’t it, to know that he was never yours?”

It’s the last thing they say before you release the arrow, watching with no remorse as they burn and disintegrate. When the dust disappears and the dimension shifts back to some abandoned building with an exit, you run. 

You run until your lungs burst, until they scream over the aching of your heart, until your costume dissolves and you’re finally buried under the blankets. You turn on ‘Do Not Disturb’ and only allow notifications from a select few important numbers.

And maybe you’ll keep running. Maybe you’ll go off the grid. Maybe you’ll let your voicemail inbox fill up with unheard messages, apologies that you don’t and never will deserve. 

But the love you feel and cherish will never fade. It’ll run alongside you; a bright, burning star, forever bittersweet--

Forever out of reach.