#the writing and the characters and the arcs and the goddamn puns

[knowlessman]

okay, so iirc they rescued the nerf-dart kid (…the kid they were making the darts-that-nerf out of) who is actually a time anomaly kid and everyone's in the hospital. oh shit, and mr future sight is dead, and also maybe all might isn't going to die (he's totally gonna buy it in either the season finale or next season), anyway bhna s4e15-19

oh fuck, and the league of villains tortured overhaul and like took his hands I think. heh, he turned into a resident evil boss but then got ethan winters'd. it's like, a pun or something

new OP, huh. anime is so weird about when it gets new OP's… wait, is this an old one? they've had that splash image or whatnot at the end before, with the band instruments. beh. go figure

hm. slendervest going rogue?

sudden Firefly-ass guitar riff o_0

"have you heard rumors of a wild man living in this area?" don't tell me you're banking on bigfoot to come rescue you -- oh my gawd it is bigfoot. well, biggerfoot. cept he seems to be made of rock -- "one of All for One's faithful servants… Gigantosquatchia"

(togata) "I have what Nighteye predicted with his Foresight! I know I'll get my Quirk back!" …this is pessimistic, but you have what he told you when he used it. still, it's good to see somebody talk about "I'm not going to cry" without it being because of toxic masculinity or appearances or something; like, togata actually feels hope and in any case believes in Nighteye's ideal of, like… idfk, nontoxic positivity? hard to describe

heh. figures bigfoot would get away

(bakugo and todoroki at remedial license training thingy) oh boy, endeavor has something to say -- HAHAHAHA DAMN RIGHT, HANG UP ON HIS ASS ZUKO

huh. forgot about Ed from the dodgeball arc. aughta be interesting.

…uh-oh, is this vampire girl again? : /

and mr meatball. I guess meatball is double-d

(back view of shady characters) oh shit it's the league of villai - oh nvm that's just principal tiredman from the dodgeball arc

(new end theme) who the fuck is this guy, why does he have all might's hair. don't try and tell me this is all might, all might's eyes have no wossname, sclera I think? all might is a bionicle, this is just a normal guy. cosplayer maybe

pfft, forgot ed's backstory was that endeavor mr incredible'd him 'XD like, some celebrities are just gonna be dicks about it, okay? attention is power, and power corrupts

okay so yeah this is how vampire girl gets a bigger part in the show then. …shit, she must have the real camie in a cellar somewhere, that sucks : / -- "but because of her foggy memory of the days before the exam…" so it could not be knife-girl? …it's gotta be knife-girl tho. -- wait shit they know that vampire girl replaced her??? …the league - I mean the cops know knife girl's quirk, right? maybe the league guessed that they would've figured it out anyway, and - but whatever tests they did on camie to find the anesthetics probably would've revealed the switch if vampire girl was impersonating here agin, right? fuck dude idfk, I give up

(orca doing a drill sergeant routine) 'XD wtf did the mangaka watch full metal jacket before writing this bit

…I guess babysitting will teach you patience if nothing else will? or at least that's the thinking here?

okay, bakugo and the kids have baited each other into fighting now, looks like lawsuit o'clock (to say nothing of camie)

the whole overarching "the age of heroes is over, it's the age of villains now" theme is, like… idk this is just a weird show

quirk… singularity… doomsday. …okay, I guess that's a thing now??? (are we gonna get eugenics-y about this, I thought the show was being pretty good about not doing that)

"is this bad? are you saying I'm just sitting here watching things get bad and doing nothing?" YES, orca, most of these superpowers are lethal fucking weapons, there are no responsible goddamn adults in this entire show -- also why are your eyes so fucking scary, do real whales have sarlacc pits where their eyes should be?

"the rest of you also did a good job" you mean the six or so kids in this class whose names and even vague deals we still don't know? only like four characters even got screentime

"strange things started happening" : / already thought laserguts was kind of annoying. is… ? considering Magne, I've got a bad feeling about this -- (the literal next scene) ugh, fucking hell, yeah this is gonna suck -- ("I know") I already have assumptions about how this's gonna be taken and how it's gonna turn out to have been intended and like, okay, if I'm right, it's stupid in a way that could be funny but it's also still creepy and laserguts is still officially not positive representation

meanwhile midnight is teaching a school class while carrying a… what, cat o nine tails? a fucking bdsm whip, idk. while carrying that around. this is such a weird fucking show

aoyama I hate you. weewoo tier. gonna call the bad-lgbt-rep police on your ass. whaddaya mean lgbt police is a contradiction in terms, fuck off

-- do I need to know what that french phrase is that he carved into it? …nah, I don't. I really don't.

"it's because we both have quirks that mess up our bodies!" …I guess that could've been worse? thank fuck it's over, at least

school festival stuffs. idk, no comment

(visiting eri, flashing back to the whole brouhaha of last arc) chisaki was a good villain. he made you want to hate him for, like, real reasons; he wasn't just directionless evil for its own sake or bizarrely pretentious, niche evil with incomprehensible motivations and its head up its own ass.

…who is this sean connery looking fucker. is he just here to try and do some clownery at the festival and get clowned on? ugh, fine, guess I'll watch the next one and find out -- ah. a libertarian. or something.

"the school festival is one month away!" …the fuck? y'all made it sound like you had a day. hat n clogs even said the deadline to figure out what you were gonna do would be like eighteen hours or so after you found out there'd be a festival.

aye, teachin him how to use… okay well I can't call it that… uh, the paper football attack. the finger gun. teachin im how to use that without breakin his fingers. and just in time to show it off against mr connery, I imagine.

…huh. looks like the festival arc takes up the entire rest of the season tho, so I'mma leave that for next time

[danishprince]

thinking about dramatic structure vis-à-vis my beloved succession. in general, comedy means the characters don't change, not really. not meaningfully. there's always a return to normalcy. the golden girls always come home and share a moment over the kitchen table, the always sunny characters keep working at paddy's pub. whereas tragedy is defined by change; in any drama worth its salt, you can trace a character arc from beginning to end. time passes and nothing can ever be the same, which of course is tragic in itself.

even most tv "tragicomedies" or "comedic dramas" or whatever pick one or the other structurally. bojack horseman disguises itself as comedy, but under the colorful animation and 30-minute-runtime and wacky b-plots and animal puns it's a pretty straightforward drama. girls has its moments of development to the point it severs the relationships between the titular girls, but at show's end they're still cycling in familiar patterns. no one really changed, nothing is that different: comedy.

despite the hour-long runtime, the (fantastic) opening credits, the hbo budget, and the fact that jeremy strong can make me cry on command, succession thus far mostly follows comedy-style structures. yes it's got great one-liners, but more importantly nothing really changes much. the trick with succession though is that the unchanging loops necessary for Funny Jokes mirror the cycle of familial abuse the show depicts so well. abuse fundamentally repeats itself: tension to incident to reconciliation to calm over and over again. with a family dynamic like the roys, you know your role and you jockey for position as best as you goddamn can and you never fucking rock the boat, not in any way that matters. the roy siblings are trapped. they're are all varying degrees of self-aware and know they're fucked up, but none of them has ever just taken their considerable funds and bolted. better the evil you know (with all its accompanying money/power: a handy crutch!) than the terror of cutting off the family and not fucking knowing what to expect. the roy siblings have no incentive/ability to leave so they're going to keep making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again. ha ha.

the thing is, it works. with lesser writing it wouldn't work, but in this show it does. we see more and more of the effects of dysfunction, we learn more and more about the characters, and the show just gets better and more tragic—and funnier, too. the end of s3 seems to mark a shift, but so did the other two finales: i predict the character dynamics are gonna stay pretty similar going forward. in many ways, the tragedy of their situation is the joke. these fucked-up rich people can't break the cycle. they are never gonna get out of here. they are never gonna change.

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[we-rate-tmnt]

I request: Leonardo. Please and thank you 🙏.

Idk if everyone loves Leo or if my header and avatar just remind everyone about this amazing blue boy. (This one’s super silly btw. I’m just sillier as time goes on. Character development I guess?) 

The iconic leador Leonardo (1987)

Bro idk why but I loved this Leo. I have a tiny memory, especially with this version but I clearly remember that I thought he was the funniest and the coolest. I mean, he had swords, what was I supposed to do as a 7-year-old. NOT like him??? Anyway, while Raph was the best at insult comedy, I think Leo had the best puns and punchlines. I really like how nonchalant this Leo is compared to his iterations, going along with really silly ideas and having fun along the way. But because of this, his leadership is a little forced at times, he seems like such a chill and fun dude that when he gets serious, I have to squint and ask ‘are you Leo? Or were you just putting on act a moment ago?’ Or my perception is entirely warped over time. Either way, good turtle boy, could have used some work tho. 5.7/10

Here comes grumpy lad wooo this is all read very monotone btw Fearless Leader (2003)

What. What the fuck happened. I was actually so confused when Leo turned really angry and serious and almost manic. I thought that episode when he popped into Casey’s window and was like ‘Hey bitch lets go beat the shit out of some lowlifes’ I was WOAH THERE BUDDY BACK UP BACK UP BACK TF UP. It was so sudden to me and when it was finally explained, it made some sense??? Like yeah, character development is great an’ all but this ain’t it chief. I can’t imagine what it was like having to wait for these episodes to release one at a time. Bc I watched every episode back to back on Youtube and I was genuinely bamboozled. But when you have an experience like that where guilt is weighing down on you from a situation you couldn’t control, it would’ve been HELLA HELPFUL to have at least a flashback, like a line saying ‘I was so useless!’ at BARE MINIMUM. Like right after Shredder is booted off to Planet Zula, Donnie would notice that Leo didn’t seem all that happy and would ask why and Leo would get upset and yell at Donnie saying that ‘You wouldn’t understand’, ‘You don’t know how I felt, how I feel because of that’, etc. Like you don’t even have to say he felt guilty or helpless, just give us something to grab onto. We’re merely six-year-olds who thought they could climb the YMCA rock wall in easy mode but instead the script riders harnessed us up on the hard one and wouldn’t let us come down until we rang the little bell at the top. I think that is the only problem I had with his Leo. The sudden change of calm and decisive to angry and irrational was so jarring that it felt unnatural without that crucial context. If you want a surprise reveal, at least hint at the reveal (like just about every Disney movie with their ‘twist’ villains) not wait until the very last moment. I think this might be my least favorite Leo and I think the season where he stood out the most and seemed the strongest was Fast Forward (Which was GOOD FIGHT ME), especially in scenes with Dark Leo, his clone. He sees so much of himself in Dark Leo but he also sees something he had once grasped (AKA the poorly written character arc, I CANNOT stress how bad I thought it was). Although, I honestly think he’s a really good character and he’s a pretty neat guy. However, this score is entirely held up by Fast Forward and his connection with Usagi, sword bros to the end of time. 3/10 (2 for FF and 1 for Usagi)

And now a Leo that makes me genuinely feel UWU Leo (2012)

I cannot stress how much I like this guy! Like his design is so appealing, his dedication, his obsession with Space Heroes, like I FUCKING LOVE IT. And everyone knows, that shit with Karai, at first when they didn’t realize they were related, I can let slide but kajsdflksadf what even like why did the writers feel the need to add in more ‘love interest’ implications like yuck yuck yuck. The only two interactions with Leo and Karai that I really like are when Leo defeats her using the healing hands technique and when Leo has a goth/emo/punk/idk I’m new here phase and they team up and EXPLOSIONS. He was introduced to us as being incredibly naive and his idea of leadership is from some old cartoon that’s basically star trek but ethically questionable. After his fights in season 1, to the finale with the technodrome, you can see his growth. He’s able to formulate plans and make life or death decisions. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. When Leo got hurt, I felt like the oof sound effect mixed with some tears I normally shed at some Shojo manga bs. While the episodes following were super weird, it was a nice way to help Leo recover, not only physically but spiritually (Although I don’t remember the spirit arc at all except the epic Raph vs Fishface fight, so we’re skipping that). When Master Splinter really died, you could tell there was a huge impact on Leo, but he had to remain stoic and lead the family now. A lot of heartbreaking moments in this series came from Leo and I’m glad they took at least some thought into developing him. Tiny head Leo will haunt my nightmares, but the giggly fanboy will warm my heart constantly. 6/10

I only have one word for this Leo (Heroes in a Half Shell: Blast to the Past)

This is a super crazy bad idea accent on the super crazy bad part have I mentioned it’s also a really terrible idea/10

Okay, spoiler alert, didn’t really think this Leo was that grand Leo (2014/2016)

Painfully average. He didn’t stand out that much, Raph was part of the focus and had that touching scene at the end, Donnie was ICONIC and Mikey (with his weird-ass eyes) was super lively and funny! Leo? Uh, I don’t remember a single line he said. Because he never really grabbed my attention, I don’t have too much to say on this version. The Raph and Leo fight felt forced and the whole ‘keep this stuff that could turn us human a secret’ was pretty pointless and was added just to cause drama, I don’t even remember what that Splinter and Leo conversation was about. Design-wise, really neat! You can see some more traditional Japanese clothing/style mixed with modern (I’d feel a lot better about this assumption if some could tell exactly what the heck he’s wearing, but I get traditional Japan warrior vibes from it) in his look which was super neat! Other than that, if you like him, please tell me why because I don’t get. He was just kinda eh. 5/10

AHHH MY BOY YASSS WHOOO!! Neon Leon (2018)

Okay, I loved Ben Schwarts already from Parks and Rec but like him being Sonic AND Leo, like DUDE. He’s super funny by himself but teamed up with this shows writing and animation, it makes it hilarious. I literally love this Leo so much, maybe because we’re alike but honestly, he’s amazing. I love his design with the red and yellow crescents accenting his skin and livening up his color pallet. He has a very healthy and natural dynamic with his brothers, he’s the first to know what’s wrong and tries his best to make up for his actions. This is really prominent in the most recent episodes, along with the episode portal jacked. In both, Leo is separated from his brothers. Portal Jacked is in a more literal sense, while Air Turtle handles in more of an emotional sense. While both are brief, Leo sees his error and tries his best to make it up to them. I love his dynamic so much and it’s so nice to see something like this compared to the unnecessary drama and tension between the brothers in the previous series. It’s refreshing and this is something a younger audience needs to see; instead of fighting, it’s better to work together and improve yourself along the way. Improvement is a big theme for Leo here. He’s a goofball, makes jokes at every opportunity and isn’t quite skilled at fighting or using his weapon. But he grows over time, he learns to manage his power and he’s working on mastering it. He’s trying to put aside his narcissism more and focuses on his family. I think the approach they took with him rising to leader rather than slapping it on his forehead was the goddamn best decision they could make. He’s making plans, finding loopholes, helping out and getting out of his comfort zone. I cannot stress how well this show has handled Leo, along with the other characters. I can’t wait to see more episodes about his growth and I am awarding him with one of the greatest honors I could give... 10/10

Storytime: I drew a super cute 2012 Leo, you should look at him. Shameless self-promo, but you should follow me on my main blog bc I’m nice and I draw pretty pictures. Also. I have a little 2012 Leo Happy Meal toy??? I think??? guarding my window and he’s been there for YEARS. I need to bring him in and refresh his paint job.

Wow! I didn’t expect this many requests for Leo, so the blog will be momentarily spammed with the requests, but it shouldn’t be too much! Up next should be the last turtle (Mikey) and then we can get to some REALLY great requests I’m eager to answer. As usual, please comment and reblog! I’d love to hear your opinion!

[wxsuthorn]

ranking every single asian drama/series/movie that i have ever watched

(this isn’t 100% accurate cuz I’ve decided to include shows that are still airing and they may move up or down on the list once they’ve finished airing. Shows with multiple seasons/spin-offs will be counted as one unless I decided that they’re too different to be in one rank. And lastly, I don’t dislike the shows that are low on the list—unless I explicitly say so—I’ve just watched a shitload of dramas, so don’t attack me if ur fave is at 26 or smth lmao)

I did my best to keep the explanations short and avoid spoilers

1. The Gifted

Are you surprised? Do I even need to explain?

2. HIStory 3: Trapped

Again, should be pretty self-explanatory. The plot? The acting? The tropes? Utter perfection. 

3. 3 Will Be Free

Haha. 3wbf... is 3rd place. It’s just amazing and so criminally underrated. 

4. Until We Meet Again

I LOVE THIS SHOW SM I WATCHED IT 7 TIMES KLJFSLKJDFS I JUST LOVE IT PLUS FLUKE’S ACTING AND DEANPHARM ARE JUST SO HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME AND CARING I LOVE THEM.

5. He’s Coming To Me

a GODLY show !!! SO UNDERRATED. Ugh that rooftop scene TT.

6. The Untamed

I know it’s shocking that this isn’t higher up IM SORRY OKAY but this show was so good i cried so much lksjlfjdsfdjlkf GOD TIER.

7. Theory of Love

G O D L Y. It has the best scenes that just punch you in the gut and make you cry while you think about them at night.

8. Great Men Academy

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW. anyways i would die for tangmo.

9. Cherry Magic

MY FAVOURITE ON AIR SHOW. It’s so fucking good and it’s sooooo relatable and cute and fun and just GOOD. Ugh it’s a whole blessing. Literally the concept is also just amazing, plus the representation is actually accurate?? LIKE ITS SO RELATABLE JLSJFKJKJKD AND REAL. AND THE CHARACTERS ARE SO KLJLKFJDLKJLSKJD.

10. I Told Sunset About You

THE SETS ARE SO PRETTY. THE VISUALS. ASTOUNDING. THE ACTING KSLJFKJLDF. It exceeded my expectations holy crap and the chinese culture incorporated into it feels so nice and genuine. literally i watched some of it today before my chinese class lmao. OMG AND THE OST.

11. Mr. Heart

ugh this show stole my heart (pun intended).

12. Dark Blue Kiss

SO. GODDAMN. UNDERRATED. THE WAY IT ACCURATELY REPS LGBTQ+ YOUTH’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS AND COMING OUT AND EXPECTATIONS G O D L Y

13. Oxygen

SOFT. HEALTHY. CUTE. H E I G H T  D I F F E R E N C E.

14. 2gether

would’ve been higher if it werent for the last two episodes of the show, but still2gether redeemed it quite a bit.

15. HIStory 2: Crossing The Line

QIU ZIXUAN LKDSJFLDJLJFDKJSLJ CUTE AS FUCK.

16. Where Your Eyes Linger

tHAT OST. AND THE LAST SCENE. I MEAN SHIT SLJFSDKJFLSDJFK.

17. HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

it’s so soft and at first i was so hesitant to watch it with the age gap but it was surprisingly like really healthy? and like the mom with the fruit knife?

18. Love By Chance

IM SORRY I PUT THIS SO LOW its just that klano and tumtar were not my cup of tea and i watched it mostly for aepete only for them to be apart at the end of season 1. I like season 2 but this time i only have tincan...

19. Gameboys

okay i was going to put this way higher because ITS SO FUCKING GOOD LITERALLY but then again i felt more impressed/attached to the ones above... BUT LITERALLY PEARL AND CAIREEL ARE JUST SDLSJDFSKDFL THE BEST.

20. Sotus

If i could put multiple shows in one rank i would but ive decided not too cuz then there would only be 6 ranks with 10 shows in each one... that’s why sotus is so low TT SORRY I LOVE IT BUT I LOVE OTHER SHOWS A LITTLE MORE.

21. 2Moons2

it was enjoyable. I didn’t like the main couple much tho.

22. Red Wine In The Dark Night

omg this movie i really liked it especially the ending it was really symbolic and i really like slight-horror type things. also FLUKE !!!! a KING of acting.

23. Transit Girls

SOFT WLW.

24. My Engineer

don’t get me wrong i love this show BUT it’s yet another engineering concept and i just don’t see it going above the other dramas...

25. Why R U

the plot was messy but the chemistry between the actors saved the entire show.

26. TharnType

I KNOW ITS LOW DONT KILL ME the plot was good but i don’t like how lhong was painted as a misunderstood little boi like HE IS A CRIMINAL DONT GIVE HIM A REDEMPTION ARC AND DONT TRY TO MAKE ME PITY HIM. also the non-con was uncomfy as hell.

27. A Round Trip To Love

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SYMBOLISM ON GOD ISLJFDLJD. i don’t see this movie as like... an example of a healthy relationship... but the story itself is really interesting and the way the characters change yet stay the same is cool.

28. The Shipper

i enjoyed watching it but i dont think i could rewatch it. it was good nonetheless, i don’t regret watching it at all.

29. Together With Me

it’s good. but the side plots/side couples were not it. yihwa is a queen tho.

30. Ingredients

SOOOOO CUTE LSKJFDKJJF. but the plot is kinda nonexistent but IT DOESNT MATTER CUZ ITS CUTE AND FLUFFY AND UWU AND JEFF.

31. The Effect

this show gave me depression but damn the theme was so real. 

32. Guardian

everything was going great until the jin ling dude got a girlfriend and the end happened.

33. History 3: Make Our Days Count

i was spoiled for the ending and it ruined my watching experience TT

34. YYY

i love it

35. Addicted

It was my first bl drama and i really liked it but again the non-con/kidnapping thing makes me uncomfy. also IT WAS DISCONTINUED IM SO SAD SLKDJFLSKJDFKSJD IT ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER THEN WAS CANCELLED TT

36. Make It Right

fuse took too long to break up with his gf honestly oasflsajdfaldj bUT FRAME AND BOOK.

37. My Gear And Your Gown

CUTE but its another engineering x medical student trope and it’s still airing so i dont have too much of an opinion on it.

38. Pearl Next Door

its still airing (only 2 eps are out as of the time im writing this) and istg if pearlex isnt endgame im suing.

39. Friend Zone

first season was good but season two is gripping me by the throat. 

40. Because Of You 2020

CUTE

41. The Lover

i only watched the bl cuts but they were cute

42. Lovesick

season one was great but season 2 was too long i skipped so much of it lmao.

43. Puppy Honey

ngl i only watched it for offgun lmao. season one was good and i watched the hets too but season 2 was when i only watched the offgun scenes lmao

44. En Of Love

tossara was my fave cuz they cute and healthy. 

45. As If You Whisper

it was so short but so nice TT.

46. I’m Tee, Me Too 

still airing... kinda pointless?

47. 2 Moons

the acting... oof

48. My Dream

it started out so promising but THE FUCKING ENDING WAS LKSDJFLKS

49. Kiss + Kiss Me Again

I only watched the petekao scenes lmao.

50. History 1: Away From Me

cutee

51. History 1: Obsession

interesting? 

52. HIStory 1: My Hero

fine

53. My Day

i dropped it... tell me if i should get back into it cuz i kinda just wasn’t feeling it.

54. Lily Fever

cute wlw but it made no sense?

55. Hotel Stars

sorta dry lmao

56. The Best Twins

i dropped it but thor was epic

57. Reminders

PERTH’S ACTING KSJLFDJL but like what was the point? idk it was kinda frustrating.

58. 2Wish

i honestly don’t even remember what happened lmao

59. The Moment; I Need You

i just couldn’t when the guy faked an od. other than that it was eh. second season was better than the first (idk if it counts as a season tho cuz its so short)

60. Waterboyy (series)

DISGUSTING I HATE IT SO MUCH ITS TERRIBLE FUCK THIS SHOW I DESPISE IT

[scarletwelly-boots]

Books Read 2020

I started off really good this year, what with quarantine and all. And then I got sidetracked by reading one hundred and forty-nine fanfics (and counting) (mostly Destiel; CW can kiss my ass). 

I read 30 books this year, which I thought was bad, but apparently I only read 24 last year, so not awful. I did the Popsugar reading challenge for the fifth year. There were 50 categories this year, so 60% isn’t too bad. So without further ado, let’s get started under the cut.

1. The Mermaid, The Witch, and the Sea, Maggie Tokuda-Hall (a book that’s published in 2020). This book, y’all. My god. It has it all: pirates, queer relationships, genderfluid characters, an intense plot. This book was so good. I definitely recommend this book. Pirates!!! And gay!

2. Somebody Told Me, by Mia Siegert (a book by a trans or nonbinary author). I don’t know how Siegert identifies, but I know they use they/them pronouns. This book was... okay but frustrating. A bigender teen, Aleks/Alexis, has a traumatic experience and moves in with their aunt and uncle, who is a newly converted Catholic priest. I liked the queer rep, but sometimes it felt like the author had these assumptions or prejudices about the Catholic church. Some of them were right, granted, and I’m not a practicing Catholic anymore so I don’t know why it pissed me off, but it bugged me anyway. So I guess if you don’t mind it seeming like the author did little to no research on Catholicism, then it’s a good book.

3. All the King’s Men, by Nora Sakavic (a bildungsroman). Who, me? Rereading my gay comfort trilogies during quarantine? It’s more likely than you think. Love the All for the Game trilogy. This is the third book in the series. It’s the best book in the trilogy. It is a series about a college sports team who play a made up sport called Exy, which is basically a more violent version of lacrosse. I’m not a huge sports fan, but the way she writes Exy matches had me on the edge of my seat. The team is made up of all “at-risk” students, the main character being a kid on the run from his mob boss dad. Trigger warning for the series for violence, sexual assault/rape, abuse, drug use, I may be missing some things. It was so good though.

4. Captive Prince, by C.S.Pacat (a book with a map). Back again with the gay comfort trilogies. This is the first book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and whoops, did I say love All For the Game? Love this series more. It’s awesome. It’s fantasy and gay and romantic. But the romance isn’t even the central part. Laurent is my favorite asshole. Damen is so sweet and sassy as fuck. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. Seriously. I can’t do this series justice.

5. The Foxhole Court, by Nora Sakavic (a book recommended by your favorite blog, vlog, podcast, or online book club). First book in the All for the Game series. What are you still doing here? Go start this trilogy!

6. Ella Enchanted, by Gail Carson Levine (a book that passes the bechdel test). This is such a good book. It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid. It’s basically a retelling of Cinderella, and if you’ve seen the movie version with Anne Hathaway, the book is way, way better. 

7. Loki: The God Who Fell to Earth, by Oscar Basaldua (a book with the same title as a movie or TV show but is unrelated to it). God, I cannot WAIT for the Loki show. Anyway, this is a new comic about Loki (obviously). I love anything with my disaster wife in it, so 100% I recommend it. 

8. As Drowning Men Clutch at Straws, by EA Roisin (a book by an author with flora or fauna in their name). Okay, so. Roisin is an Irish name that means rose, and EA Roisin is my (unpublished) pen name. In my defense, the manuscript is 186 pages long and it felt like an accomplishment when I finally finished rereading it for the first time since I finished it in 2015. Do I recommend it? I’ll let you know if it ever gets published.

9. Red White and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston (a book that won an award in 2019). I’m still rereading this book. I got interrupted because my sister wanted to read it and then I got a new book for my birthday. But this is, far and away, my FAVORITE BOOK. It’s so beautiful. It was very romantic (once they stopped “hating” each other), and gay. The premise sounds far-fetched: First Son of the United States falls for the Crown Prince of England. But, guys, it’s soooo gooooood. Highly, highly, highly recommend. 

10. A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, by Hank Green (a book with only words on the cover, no images or graphics). This is the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. This was just as great as the first, but I spent a good chunk of the book vibrating with anxiety. The stakes were way higher, and I don’t think I’ve been scared while reading a book since reading Jade Green (Phyllis Reynolds Naylor) in junior high (which was fucking terrifying, btw). But I definitely recommend it!

11. Crush, by Richard Siken (a book with a pun in the title). Guys. I read this book almost every year, because it’s quick and gorgeous and the title is accurate because it absolutely crushes me. This is a collection of LGBT (more specifically, gay) poetry, and OH MY GOD. This is in my top five favorite books. I read it all the time. This is the book that made me fall in love with poetry, back in high school.

12. The Raven King, by Nora Sakavic (a book with a bird on the cover). The second book in the All for the Game series. Trigger warnings for All the King’s Men apply to this one, too. 

13. 1014: Brian Boru, by Morgan Llewelyn (a fiction or nonfiction book about a world leader). If you know me, you know I’m a complete Irish history nerd. This book is about a very important battle that took place in Ireland, and the last great High King of Ireland, Brian Boru. High Kings are mostly just an elected title, who get paid via taxes from provincial kings and chieftains, but Brian was the only one who saw as close to a united, free Ireland as it got until 1921 (although since the island is split between the North and the Republic, it’s still not totally unified). I recommend if you like history.

14. The Magnolia Sword, by Sherry Thomas (a book by a WOC). Oh. My. God. So this is a retelling of the ballad of Mulan. Mulan is a very important story to me anyway (tomboy as a child, genderfluid, bisexual as fuck), and this retelling was so good and interesting. It also features one of my favorite tropes, Surprise Gays. I highly, highly recommend.

15. My Own Ways Through This Life, by Chris Viau (a book with at least a four-star rating on Goodreads). Okay, so it miiiight have a four-star rating because of me and my camp family all rating it, but it counts. This is a mixed media autobiography by one of my camp friends. He has written at least three books, and all are available on Amazon. This is the only one I’ve read so far, and it was really interesting. I definitely recommend it. 

16. Insomniac City, by Bill Hayes (a book you meant to read in 2019). This book was beautiful and heartbreaking. It was a Christmas gift from my brother. It’s a memoir about Bill’s time in a relationship with Oliver Sacks, a famous neurologist. It’s sweet and melancholic and funny. Huge recommendation.

17. Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens’ Agenda, by Becky Albertalli (a book about or involving social media). Still such a wonderful book. Better than the movie, I’m telling you. It was really good, and I definitely cried. If you liked the movie, read the book. It’s different in several ways. I think if you’re thinking in terms of trueness to the book, the movie was maybe not as good, but they’re both good as their own standalone things. But I highly recommend both.

18. Loki: Agent of Asgard, by Jason Ewing (a book that has a book on the cover). This is such a good series. It’s a great characterization of my disaster wife.  I love this graphic novel series. I love how they depict Loki, how he finally gets a goddamn redemption arc. It’s a really fun read. Check it out.

19. Kings Rising, by CS Pacat (a book with a made up language). This is pushing it, since they never actually speak in the made up languages on paper. But UGH. Third book in the Captive Prince trilogy, and hands down the best. Laurent and Damen finally let go of the goddamn longing and actually do something about it.

20. The Deep, by Rivers Solomon (a book set in a country beginning with C). This is pushing it, because it’s about mermaids (basically), but I think they’re in the Caribbean. I loved this book. It was so interesting. It’s based on a song by clipping., Daveed Diggs’s group. The premise is the wajinru (the mermaid people) originated as the infants from pregnant Africans that died and were thrown overboard during the slave trade. So like, it’s a pretty heavy book. But it’s heartfelt and sweet, too. Also more Surprise Gays, which came at an excellent time (November, post-Supernatual finale) for me. I highly recommend.

21. Written in the Stars, by Alexandria Bellefleur (a book you picked because the title caught your attention). I just finished this book tonight and it was so. good. It’s basically a modern, lesbian, fake dating rendering of Pride and Prejudice. And let me tell you, if there’s one thing I love more than Pride and Prejudice, it’s lesbians. It’s really really great. I highly, highly recommend. 

22. Running with Lions, by Julian Winters (a book with a three-word title). Thanks to All for the Game and movies like Handsome Devil and Boys, I have discovered that I have a huge thing for queer sport stories. So this book was really, really good. It’s got friends to enemies to friends to lovers, which is great. It’s got soccer, which is way more homoerotic now. And it’s got gays, which is really why I picked this book up. But it’s well written and the story is interesting, too. I definitely recommend.

23. The Prince and the Dressmaker, by Jen Wang (a book with a pink cover). Oh my god. AHHHHH!!! This book is amazing. It’s a graphic novel, so it’s a quick read. It’s fantasy and feels a little Cinderella-y, but that’s not the best part. The queer relationship is amazing, but that’s not the best part. The prince is genderfluid! Like me! And his mask name is Sebastian! Like me! (Okay, so my name is Bastien, but close enough) This was so so so good. I got it at a convention in February, and I was practically vibrating with excitement as I read it. I highly highly highly recommend. 

24. Girl Crushed, by Katie Heaney (a book by or about a journalist). I think I’d have liked this book better if it wasn’t so...similar to my life. The main premise is the main character is getting over a sudden and painful break up, after being dumped by her long-term (maybe first? I can’t remember) girlfriend. The ex has the same initials as my ex and acted very similarly, so maybe I ended up picturing her when the character came up in the book. The ending pissed me off. It was very gay and that wasn’t the entirety of the book, so maybe you’ll like it more than me. It was just too true to life for me and opened up some old wounds I didn’t want to open up. The author is an editor at Buzzfeed, so that’s how it fits into this category. 

25. Date Me, Bryson Keller, by Kevin van Whye (your favorite prompt from a past POPSUGAR Reading Challenge--a book published this year). This might be my second or third favorite book, goddamn it’s that good. It’s queer, obviously, and sort of fake dating? Bryson is dared to date someone new each week. He’s assumed to be straight, so all the people he dates are girls until Kai asks him. It’s really sweet, and there’s some issues with coming out to your family that don’t always sit well with me, but overall it was really good and it ends well. I definitely recommend.

26. Loki: Where Mischief Lies, by Mackenzi Lee (a book written by an author in their 20s). AAAHHHH!!!! Fuckin.... Okay, y’all know I have feelings about Loki. He’s my spouse and I love him to death. This book was so, so good. Loki gets sent to Victorian London to solve a mystery and meets a group of humans who know about Asgard and basically keep Midgard in order for Odin. Loki is canonically pan and genderfluid (as he should be), and Theo is a sweetheart. I wrote a 10k fic coming out of reading this book (Phantom Limb by Irishavalon on AO3, check it out.). I seriously recommend!

27. Because of Winn-Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo (a book by an author who has written more than 20 books). I read this with my third graders at the beginning of this year. Such a good book. I read it as a kid too. The movie is great but as always, book is better. Recommend.

28. Adventures of Charls, the Veretian Cloth Merchant, by CS Pacat (a book with more than 20 letters in its title). This was a reread of a short story that comes after the Captive Prince trilogy. Charls, the cloth merchant, was such a great side character in the CP trilogy, and telling the story from his perspective was great. It doesn’t have to be read after the other CP short stories, but at least the trilogy should be read first.

29. Fence vol.1, by CS Pacat (a book from a series with more than 20 books). I’m pushing it with this category. I read the first volume, but this is a comic book series, so the 20 books is more issues. This is very good too. It’s another gay sports story, and is probably going to be enemies to lovers, but they’re still enemies by the end of volume 1. Still recommend. 

30. Prince’s Gambit, by CS Pacat (a book with a main character in their 20s). Book 2 of the Captive Prince trilogy. Very very good. 

[ladyfl4me]

1 and 13 for the fanfic author ask?

1. Who is the hardest character for you to write?

Oh boy. Hm. Aubrey can be tougher to write, especially in recent installments of TCOS; she really became a tool of the plot in later seasons of Amnesty, and as I retrace those canon steps, it’s difficult to tell whether pulling her back from the plot and making things “more personal” is in character. The way I see it, canon Aubrey became an archetypal hero towards the end, fighting to save Sylvain because it was the right thing to do according to her moral obligations. She was way more of a traditional “Chosen One” than Duck. She literally became fucking Fantasy Sylvan Jesus. Sure, she had a personal connection to saving Sylvain through Dani, kind of, but the Sylvain stuff seemed more like a noble, cookie-cutter, plot-driven connection when compared to the deep emotional resolution of the Mom Arc. Maybe I misread canon, but that was the impression I got, and that makes it a bit difficult to spin things off from.

Fast forward to 2020, and I’m having a tough time writing her now. I’m attempting to make the connection to Sylvain more personal than “saving it is the right thing to do Because It Is,” but I can’t put my finger on how to do that in an integral way. It was easier in TMWCIFTC because the main villain threatened them in a personal AND plot-thematic way. Saving Sylvain in canon only became personal because the plot demanded it, and I’m trying to avoid that.

Characters that were treated as minor or supporting cast by canon can be tough, too. I’m a compulsive planner, so I have to know every detail of something before going in so I know I’m doing it right. This means I might end up with an entire google doc on, say, Tim, and I’ll feel some obligation to include all that meta. Characters in general are hard to write, as I try to find a balance between the main and supporting casts.

I think that overall, Amnesty characters are getting harder to write; a lack of new Amnesty content is making it harder for the wheels to keep turning, the way they did while the podcast was coming out. Personal headcanons and projections can only get me so far.

13. How do you come up with your titles?

Song lyrics, puns, riffs on other published titles, something that just sounds fun, or something vaguely summary-esque. regardless, i try to get it to describe the protagonist/main thematic crux of the story. Examples:

The Moth who Came In from the Cold: a riff title. Lifted wholesale from the cold war spy novel The Spy who Came In from the Cold, although it has nothing to do with the spy novel at ALL. Discusses both a key character and a thematic action - in this story, Indrid quite literally comes in from cold weather, but is also accepted back into the Lodge community from isolation, or a figurative coming in from the cold. Kinda shows that it was really supposed to be an Indruck-centered fic that expanded on indrid’s backstory, but it grew several dozen legs and wings and flew/scuttled away.

The Secret Garden: self-explanatory riff. Literal secret garden in the form of the Hornets’ greenhouse, figurative secret garden in the form of Hollis and Pigeon’s shared heritage. 

The Devil Went Down to Georgia: song lyric/summary-esque. The Jersey Devil literally goes down to Georgia in this one. Whatever happens next is a goddamn mystery, though if you know anything about the song, it should give you an indicator that some shifty grifty shit is going to go down. 

The Children of Sylvain: thematic summary. It’s the finale of Amnesty in the TMWCIFTC universe; it deals with the fates of people born in Sylvain/descended from Sylvans, their relationship to home, and how that affects them when that home is threatened.

Then with chapter titles, it usually ends up being a coin toss between Lord of the Rings quote, song lyric (can’t go wrong with Hozier), or a placeholder because it’s 4 am and I have no idea what to put down.

thanks for the ask!! these things are super fun

send me a number from this list! 1, 13

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Reviews: What Is a Man

I wanted my next review to be The Invisible Man but i keep putting that thing off. I think it’s the pacing. it’s kind of funky. I’ll get around to it eventually. Spoiler alert, it’s pretty interesting so far. In the meantime, i finally caught up on a show that dropped and didn’t see when it first released; Castlevania! I passed on actually reviewing he first two season, well, season and a half. That first season was, like, six episodes. This ain’t the BBC, son. Thirteen or bust! Anyway, since we’re about three days from being under marital law, i figure i got time to revisit and review the series so far. Plus, i mean, i need to catch up since the fourth season has already been announced. F*cking Netflix, man. In that vein, pun in tended, here is my review of the series as a whole so far.

The Good

This show is not anime. It’s not. Avatar is not anime. It’s not. This is a sanitized facsimile of what the Japanese do with their animation. Stop calling this sh*t anime! That said, on it’s own, outside of that hilariously unflattering comparison, it can be pretty dope. I don’t think this sh*t holds a candle to studios like Trigger, Madhouse, Gainax, or Shaft, but it’s the best animation coming out of the US i’ve seen in years. The fight scenes in particular are absolutely gorgeous. You can really tell that Netflix invested the necessary resources to make this show look dope, even if the framerate is a little iffy between set pieces.

Now that i’ve died on my anime cross, i just want to acknowledge how good this show looks. It’s f*cking gorgeous, man. I mean, the world, alone, is a feat for the eyes, but i am absolutely in love with the character designs. If you google the characters from the games they are mad cluttered and full of extra nonsense. I’m never a fan of, like, flair on my characters. That’s why i hate the look of Mortal Kombat. That sh*t is gross. Castlevania has that same issue, culminating in the design vomits of Judgement. That game was gross to look at. Gross. This show takes the ludicrously gaudy designs of the games and make them presentable while still paying homage to the core design of the games. Sh*t is miraculous and i can’t help but marvel at that ingenuity. I mean, f*cking Carmilla, dude. Just look up Carmilla in the games and tell me this show ain’t good at it’s job.

Castlevania’s writing is kind of miraculous. As a cat that’s been playing these games since the late 80s, I’m mildly aware of the interconnecting lore between titles. It’s a mess. It’s a goddamn mess. There’s a dope story there, in the muck, but it’s so mired in melodrama, retcon, and years upon years of independent development, it’s completely lost. I appreciate Konami giving storytelling a shot during a time when gameplay was the principal seller of games, they didn’t have to do any of that, but, at some point, clean your sh*t up with a manga or reboot or something, man. The later titles do this sh*t fine. I adore Shanoa and Soma. Their games got the best of both worlds. The Belmonts? Not so much... This show does an amazing job of cutting through the bullsh*t and sharpening that story to a fine point. This is Trevor’s story, the first Belmont we take control of in game, so watching his line grow through the years, with this quality of storytelling, is mad compelling. I mean, you get right into it and it grips you from start to finish. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

The character work in this show is pretty legit. I was thoroughly surprised since the games themselves are rather bare bones and nauseatingly campy at times. Not this show. Nope! This sh*t is grim, dark, and violent. I love it! You can feel the plight one people and the rage of the vampires. Each main character s is beset with pathos and trauma and consequence, for two seasons. Season three is kind of light on growth but does a decent job explaining certain things. Like, this is Belmont’s tale but Sypha is definitely the most interesting character in the show. Everyone does a great job but there are, of course, a few standouts.

Speaking of my girl, did i tell you that Sypha is f*cking amazing? Ma is the most adorable, most badass motherf*cker in this show! I thought she was going to be kind of a weenie, like she is in the games, but nope! Ma is out here, burning motherf*ckers alive and slicing dudes up with ice blades, all the while being her peppy, adorable, kind of bloodthirsty self. F*ck, love Sypha and her voice actress, Alejandra Reynoso, is perfectly cast! She bring a levity and vulnerability to a woman who can take on an army all y her lonesome. I love that sh*t!

I have to mention how dope Dracula is in this how. He’s f*cking badass and, surprisingly, hilarious. His wit is as sharp as his fangs. Even with such overwhelming power, dude is still amazingly human, often time reminding you that he is just a broken, lonely, man. It’s incredible to see. you actually empathize with an entity hellbent of slaughtering humanity. I couldn’t believe that sh*t. A lot of that has to do with the writing but Graham McTavsh does an excellent job delivering those subtle emotional cues.

I feel like is should say something about Richard Armitage’s Trevor Belmont. Dude is dope. he’s how i always imagined Trevor to be. And Armitage is a seasoned veteran at this voice acting game so he does a great job. I’m not blown away or anything but he’s dope. Considering dude is kind of a supporting character in his own show, i think my indifference is warranted. He’s good, though, don’t misunderstand. I’m not decrying his performance or anything. Gold star for sure.

The best thing about season three, outside of my darling Sypha, is Lenore. Holy sh*t is she a great character! I was thoroughly surprised by how brazenly manipulative she turned out to be. Lenore is a f*cking genius and her feigned naivety is brought to life by an absolutely outstanding performance from Jessica Brown Findlay. Ma is on the long con and Carmilla might have some competition to look for.

I like Issac. This last season did wonders for developing his character. His arc is probably the best after Syph’s, mostly because he’s the only other character that even had an arc. His voice actor, Adetokumboh M'Cormack, does a great job developing the enigmatic Forgemaster into a character more than his humdrum game origins.

The Bad

This show is not anime! Stop telling me it’s an anime!

Alucard’s arc in season three was a little... me. I thought he was the one character let down by the writing but it’s not a terrible slight. I just felt he deserved more of a exploration than what he received.

Season three was straight up filler. I guess it has that in common with anime, even though most modern anime ha move away from the Filler system. I mean, i liked a lot of what went on and the character work was delightful but none of this is really of consequence. Most characters either didn’t grow or are exactly who we thought they were. It feels cheap.

Hector. What the f*ck, Hector. What the f*ck.

The Verdict

Season One showed a ton of potential. I enjoyed the whole Dracula arc, even though this was more a story about his disillusionment with humanity rather than how he became Dracula. Season two is the Castlevania know from the games. It was dope seeing that narrative removed from the shenanigans of that Konami narrative jank. I thought they id the characters dope ass justice and the story itself, was rather compelling. I didn’t mind the character changes and the stuff they added felt organic. Season three is the closest thing to a slice of life anime i’ve seen in this show and it’s ridiculous. Like, nothing really happens of consequence and it feels like setup for later seasons but it’s easily the best looking of the three seasons.

Overall, as a whole, Castlevnia is really good. It’s easily one of the best video game adaptions available. This show takes it’s liberties, of course, but it does so in a very respectful manner. The core of the Castlevania lore is revered and embellished with creative additions while keeping the characters true to their game selves. For the most part. I really enjoyed thee character of Dracula when he was around and, oh my god, Lenore is the goddamn best! Sypha is the MVP of this show, though, and i need you people to know that. The art style is beautiful, the narrative is compelling, and you’ll fall in love with the character work. Castlevania is dope and you should go binge all of it since there is literally nothing else to do under quarantine.

[celestialholz]

Star Trek: Picard. MON CAPITAINE, HE’S BAAAACK. <3

Well, I am a British idiot without a decent proxy, but it’s Friday and therefore Captain Picard Day officially for my good self, so... about time we got with the damn times and DID SOME REVIEWIN’, mes amis. Spoilers abound, naturally. I’m going blow-by-blow, but also elaborating on some lovely things here and there. Jean-Luc Picard means a lot to me personally, I write about him a lot for those who may not know me, and I’ve been SO excited for this - but does it measure up? Spoiler warning: oh yeah. Hellllll yeah.

Warning: Many crudely-drawn hearts incoming. None of them are mechanical, sadly.

- Okay, first thing: this show is GORGEOUS. Oh my god, seriously. CBS knew they were running a potential gold mine here and spent the damn money to prove it. That sweeping into the Enterprise? The credits? Boston? Jesus, my eyes haven’t been treated so well since Avengers: Endgame. It’s a damn Michelin-starred FEAST. It strikes precisely the right balance of feeling gloriously alive and futuristic whilst having the vineyard be oh-so-current, and thus retro for the era. 1701 out of ten, boys. <3

- Data. Picard. Poker. My soul aches. This immediate rich banter is just... *pinch emoji* Ten Forward, man. TEN FORWARD.

- Give me the dog. Just give me him. I love Will, super stoked to see him again, but THIS is my new Number One. Shaped like a goddamn friend.

- Boston, huh? Jesus. Immediate action, immediate knowledge without any knowledge at all of who this chick is. Great writing. <3

- Credits! Already said they’re visually lovely, but the music is also surprisingly effective. Has this contrast of giving us quaint vibes mixed with 24th century tech; the real message of this show, laid out right there.

- Romulans! In the vineyard! Picard said alien rights! Love him. <3 This whole thing feels so very him - he can’t ever quite be stagnant, even back home. He’s out here being forward-thinking and socially progressive as fuck.

- He has a found family again. Of course he does. God, you can truly tell Patrick Stewart exec-produced this. <3

- Decaf earl grey. “You’re getting old, Johnny.” (Don’t drink decaf earl grey if you can help it, guys. It’s fucking terrible. I’m sure he knows this. Bless him.)

- Journalist? She’s going to be an arse, isn’t she?

- ... Oh yeah. And a prejudiced one, too! Lovely. /end British sarcasm I love that layering of this against “Romulan lives -” “Lives.” This new universe feels so deliciously alive at every turn; visually, socially, culturally... this is the vibe I WANTED from a sequel. Beautiful. <3

- Picard, here, in this scene. Just dear GOD. This is why this character is so enduring - he’s kind, warm, soulful, deeply intelligent, principled as all hell, and he’s become so embittered by this horrendous miscarriage of justice... the utopia’s failing, folks, and it’s a delight. Patrick sells the absolute shit out of this whole thing like the absolute asset he’s always been to this franchise, and just the CARE that has gone into his portrayal? I’m in love. Just give me fucking ALL of it. He feels so very him whilst also being richer and a touch bolder and christ, all these things Patrick’s said about loving Picard and wanting to portray him faithfully shine here so very clearly. Flawless. <333333 

- Oh, and all of that, but also THROWBACK THURSDAY. <3 These flashbacks will murder me, I’m certain of it. Retro and new in perfect harmony.

- Oh, here’s the kid! And hang on, an intriguing quote... “You just wave your hand and it all goes away”? Can we just... step back and think about what that’s a reference to, because fuck, dude, I MAY JUST HAVE TO WATCH TAPESTRY AGAIN. (Hardly a chore, let’s be real. I’m a Q stan, leave me be. It’s likely not a reference of course, but for the love of the Continuum, give me De Lancie. This shit already can’t improve so far, just LET IT IMPROVE ANYWAY.) 

- This interview-on-a-random-screen thing is great, too; I love the dichotomy of it. Picard’s out here being principled and wonderful, solely for our eyes and the girl’s. It’s literally background info at this point and it’s a lovely little aside to how Picard’s just been here the whole time, abiding by what he believes in without any real fuss. 

- ... That lovely little vineyard confrontation. Yes, yes, yes. Dad vibes without being a dad. I so didn’t want him to be a dad, it’s so painfully out of character, and I’m so glad they went with ‘lovely old uncle’ instead. <3 This whole scene just again pitches Picard amazingly.

- Can I have that firepit, Jean-Luc? Thanks, Captain.

- ... Hold the entire galaxy’s collection of phones: IS THIS CHICK LAL?! How the hell would that even work?! Bro...

- This nostalgia suite thing in the archives? Incredible. The banner? He hated that shit, we all know this, but it meant something to him deep down, that those children had his respect and admiration, that he felt so inspiring to others... how very telling that it’s one of the things he chose to keep. <3 Parallels not-Lal and this whole mini-arc thing wonderfully.

- ... Is her name supposed to sound like Vash’s? Is that a coincidence? Anyway, she’s not Lal, which makes much more sense, but she is... Data’s daughter? When the sodding hell did that happen? Oh, I really don’t care, honestly. It’s beautiful. All these Data flashbacks continue to kill me, and just for the love of it, let’s chuck some Captain in there, uniform and all! Gaaah. Who gave Patrick Stewart the right to still be this attractive, good lord above. Brent out here absolutely nailing this naive joy we loved so much back in the day, too... <333

- That chat about Dajh (possibly? The sweet and misguided android chick, giving me major Amanda Rogers vibes - I was too excited to look up the spelling, do forgive me) and her connection to Data, and what it means to Picard? Lovely. Absolutely adorable.

- ... And we come to my only minor gripe with all of this joy - why in the name of all positrons was Dajh introduced and then more or less immediately blown to tiny android pieces? Can’t help but feel the potential she had was wasted. I understand that we needed a Picard catalyst to get him back in the game, but I feel as though she’d have done that whilst still being alive. Although, I’m not going to be too harsh on it... “I haven’t been living, I’ve been waiting to die” is a thousand percent the quote of 2020 twenty-three days in and I just about screamed. I’ve got Tapestry vibes again, my god. This man is such a legend. <333333

-  I was becoming rather invested in dear Dajh, though, and I know we have her identical twin elsewhere (more on that shortly) but that’s sort of like giving me Lore and expecting me to be fine without Data. Speaking of which... 

- B-4. In a drawer. Near a door? Well, probably about thirty metres away from one. Love it. And a Maddox namedrop at the same time as something of an explanation! Actually really enjoyed this tie-in to old lore (pun fully intended, folks) whilst being coherent in its own right. God, I’d love to see a non-Trekkie watch this, they’d be so fucking baffled...

- Okay, even with all I’ve said about the visuals, that segway from neuron necklace to space was spectacular. I’m never going to need an eye test again. <3

- Nice guy Romulan. Awww. Someone hug his awkward soul. Dajh’s twin looks immediately less interesting (as evidenced by the fact I’ve forgotten her name - it definitely starts with ‘S’) but I’m definitely reserving judgement for now, I’m sure she’ll be as great as the rest of this show.

- ... That’s a cube, isn’t it?

- IT’S A CUBE. WITH ROMULANS. WHO AREN’T ASSIMILATED. Did they steal it? How the hell did they steal it? Do they have an alliance? What the fuck is happening? Picard did not sign back up two minutes ago for this shit guys!

... Well, basically, tl;dr? Modern, socially developed, stunning; retro in flawless contrast, with an even richer and more nuanced main character than ever who still feels so very himself, which is all I ever wanted. Fucking fantastic. Is it Friday again yet? Can your esteemed reviewer hit up a proxy next week and not die in anticipation of whatever the shit that ending was being perhaps explained a little more?

To be continued...

[explodingcrenelation]

Tony Stark and the Messianic Archetype in Avengers: Endgame

* * * * * S P O I L E R S ahead for Avengers: Endgame * * * * *

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From a purely analytical standpoint, I don’t have anything against Tony’s character arc in Endgame culminating with his death. His last moments in the heat of battle weren’t rushed, poorly written, or unearned. If Tony Stark was going to die on screen, of course he’d do it like a goddamn badass—and he did.

At this point Marvel is telling a single story to millions upon millions of people and there’s no way they can craft a narrative to suit every single person. When I say Tony's death didn’t work for me, I do so knowing that Marvel wasn’t writing the story for me anyway. And I'm not trying to disparage the creative team's efforts and storytelling choices. They made a call. I don’t agree it was the right one.

For me, Tony’s death traps him inside a Messianic Archetype that doesn’t elevate his character in a wholly satisfying way and doesn’t fit the themes of the established, team-centric universe. In this essay I will…

…actually write a fucking 4000-word essay, so buckle up and read on if you’re in for the ride.

What Is the Messianic Archetype?

The Messianic Archetype is a messiah trope. It’s exactly what it sounds like—one person (usually (but not always) white, usually (but not always) male) who sacrifices themselves for the greater good. 

Here’s how TV Tropes puts it: 

In media, the Messianic Archetype is a character whose role in the story (but not necessarily personality) echoes that of Christ. They are portrayed as a savior, whether the thing they are saving is a person, a lot of people or the whole of humanity. They endure a sizable sacrifice as the means of bringing that salvation about for others, a fate they do not deserve up to and including death or a Fate Worse than Death. Other elements may be mixed and matched as required but the Messianic Archetype will include one or more of the following:

- The Chosen One. - True Companions who follow him. - Betrayal by one of those followers. - Persecution by nonbelievers. - Crucified Hero Shot (or other parallels to the Passion Play). - Figurative or literal resurrection. - A Second Coming. - The initials JC.

Some examples of Messianic Archetypes in popular narratives are: Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, Spock in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan (or Kirk in Star Trek: Into Darkness), Harry Potter in The Deathly Hallows, Superman in Batman vs Superman, or Neo in the Matrix trilogy. The Doctor in Doctor Who is frequently and repeatedly presented as a messiah figure. Multiple incarnations of Sherlock also follow suit in multiple imaginings of the the Reichenbach Falls scenario. (I won’t go into details with any of these characters. I trust the Messianic Archetypes here are obvious to anyone familiar with these stories.) 

In the Marvel Cinematic Universe itself, we see Messianic Archetypes popping up all over the place—like daisies! Steve plays this part when he sacrifices himself in The First Avenger to stop Red Skull's plan to bomb several major American cities. His time in the ice is a kind of death from which he is subsequently “resurrected” in modern day New York. To a lesser extent, he also offers himself up as a sacrifice to save Bucky in The Winter Soldier. 

T’Challa follows this pattern in Black Panther when he’s betrayed by W’Kabi, defeated by Killmonger, and subsequently resurrected within the safety of M’Baku’s tribe. 

In the first Thor movie, Thor is betrayed by Loki, sacrifices himself to the Destroyer to protect his human friends, and he comes back from near-death with the return of Mjölnir, having proven himself worthy of the hammer. 

Carol Danvers destroys Mar-Vell’s engine in Captain Marvel to keep enemies from getting their hands on tech that could harm millions of innocent people. Her human life symbolically ends in the subsequent explosion, and she’s effectively reborn with superpowers.

Pepper Potts is betrayed by her former colleague Killian in Iron Man 3, selected as his “chosen one” for the Extremis injection, and she dies and is reborn from fire.

Yondu in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2—

Well, I could go on for a long time, but... you get the idea. 

The Messianic Archetype isn’t particularly new to popular media, let alone the MCU. 

This trope is deeply, almost subconsciously, woven into the fabric of popular western storytelling. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Tropes are tropes for a reason—they speak to us on a cultural and instinctual level. We want to hear these stories over and over, replay them in new ways and look at them from different angles precisely because there is something meaningful in the narrative. 

And Tony Stark's narrative is no exception. His repeated acts of self-sacrifice fit into the Messianic Archetype very, very well.

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Proof That Tony Stark Has a Heart

The MCU kicked off in 2008 with the first Iron Man movie and Tony Stark has ostensibly been the main character of the franchise from the beginning. 

The Iron Man movies establish early on that Tony has a savior complex to match the size of his ego. Our genius playboy billionaire philanthropist is a deeply flawed hero who started out his career as a maker of WMDs. He was widely known as “The Merchant of Death” before he saw the error of his ways. Tony understands he has done many Bad Things and he must atone for those Bad Things—with his life, if necessary.

“I shouldn’t be alive, unless it was for a reason. ... I finally know what I have to do and I know in my heart that it’s right.” —Tony Stark, Iron Man

The first Iron Man movie climaxes with Tony ordering Pepper to blow the Arc Reactor to stop Stane’s rampage, even though Tony might perish in the process. In Iron Man 2, Tony is actively dying from palladium poisoning, but he faces down Vanko (sans Iron Man suit) on the speedway of the Monaco Historic Grand Prix. In the first Avengers movie, we see Tony put his life on the line to get a nuclear weapon out of New York.

This is a repeated pattern for Tony, and like an addict, it’s one he struggles to break. Over and over Tony flings himself into the fray, believing he’s the one who makes the difference—he’s the willing sacrifice whose blood saves the world. 

Tony selects himself to be “the chosen one” because he sees himself as the one at fault for bringing evil into the world. 

“We create our own demons. Who said that? What does that even mean? Doesn’t matter, I said it cause he said it. ...So why am I telling you this? Because I had just created demons, and I didn’t even know it.” —Tony Stark, Iron Man 3

Iron Man 3 shows us just how deeply responsible Tony feels for the wrongs of the world. Because he made naive (and selfish) mistakes when he was young, Tony blames himself for creating villains that plague the earth now. 

We see this best in the aftermath of the destruction of Tony’s mansion in Malibu. 

“Pepper, it’s me. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time. So first off, I’m so sorry I put you in harm’s way. That was selfish and stupid and it won’t happen again. ...And I’m sorry in advance because I can’t come home yet. I need to find this guy. You got to stay safe. That’s all I know.” —Tony Stark, Iron Man 3

Yes, Tony absolutely provoked the Mandarin, a known terrorist, and the result is the complete annihilation of Tony’s home. Tony accepts responsibility for the destruction as though he was the one who shot the missiles himself. He goes so far as to volunteer himself for a solo mission to find the Mandarin without even bothering to contact SHIELD or the Avengers for help. He made this mess, he’s going to clean it up. All the while he suffers through crippling anxiety and panic attacks, demonstrating that the burden he’s put on his own shoulders is, in fact, too much for him to handle by himself. Still, Tony denies himself the comforts of home and family until he can atone for his wrongdoings.

Miraculously, Iron Man 3 gives Tony a respite when the tables are turned and, for once, Tony is the one ultimately saved by Pepper. After her rescue (pun intended), Tony gives up the armor, commits to having the shrapnel taken out of his chest, and he starts rebuilding the literal ruins of his life—both physical and metaphorical.

The respite doesn’t last, of course, because recovery doesn’t go in a straight line—oh, and also the franchise isn’t over and the MCU kinda needs Iron Man. And so Tony slides back into familiar, self-destructive patterns. 

"Few years ago, I almost lost [Pepper], so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to muck up Hydra. And then Ultron. My fault. And then, and then, and then. I never stopped. 'Cause the truth is, I don't wanna stop.” —Tony Stark, Civil War

Tony taking on the mantle of the Messianic Archetype once more in Endgame falls perfectly in line with his established need to compulsively and perpetually atone for his sins. As a perfectionist who needs to assuage his guilt for his ongoing (and perceived) failures, Tony simply can’t stop himself from offering up his life in penance. Statistically it was bound to catch up with him, and in Endgame it does.

And not only does Tony give his life in true Messianic fashion, we are “treated” to a hyper-realistic and painfully extended sequence where his life drains out of him as his loved ones gather to witness him gasping out his last breath. (Thanks for that, by the way, Marvel. I’ll put this scene with the dead baby bunnies my childhood cat used to bring home as gifts. How thoughtful.)

Maybe the reason for the intensity of Tony’s death scene is to make the audience believe his death is the Real Thing, not some comic-book-superhero-movie trickery that he’ll be back from in a few minutes’ time. Perhaps it’s the only way to ensure we commit to the emotional depth of the moment. Perhaps the filmmakers see it as an homage to RDJ’s acting talent and commitment to the role. Regardless of the rationale behind the camera’s unflinching gaze, Tony’s excruciating death hammers home the brutal and lonely reality of the Messianic Archetype: it’s cruel to put the fate of the world on one person’s shoulders. 

But Tony embraces that end. He throws himself into the machinery of fate, convinced he’s the cog that will make it all work. 

And he does make it work. 

So why is that a problem?

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The Team-Oriented Universe

The problem with Tony doubling (tripling? quadrupling?) down on the Messianic Archetype at the apex of the franchise is that the MCU is an ensemble, team-oriented universe. 

“You think you're the only superhero in the world? Mr. Stark, you've become part of a bigger universe, you just don't know it yet." —Nick Fury, Iron Man

Fury tells us from the get-go that Tony isn’t the be-all-end-all of the MCU. It’s possible for Tony—for them all—to become something greater than the sum of their parts. 

“There was an idea, Stark knows this, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, see if they could become something more.” —Nick Fury, Avengers

The entire first Avengers movie is dedicated to establishing this premise, to getting these knuckleheads to work together because, alone, they’re too wrapped up in their own bullshit to adequately deal with the forces that threaten the planet. Things don’t start to go right for them until they set aside their personal issues and act as a unit. 

As we all know, our team passes the test and they establish an important principle of the MCU: teamwork is powerful and it’s more effective than working solo. 

True, Tony’s self-sacrifice in the context of the Battle of New York helps save the day; but it’s only one part of a coordinated effort. Tony chucking the nuke into space would have been pointless without the added efforts of Steve to coordinate civilian safety, Hawkeye to relay enemy movements, Thor to separate Loki from the scepter, Natasha to close the portal, and Hulk to subdue Loki and ultimately catch Tony as he fell from the wormhole. The team achieved a better outcome together than they each could have achieved separately. 

But even in the shared afterglow of winning the Battle of New York, the individual members of the team struggle to perfect their dynamic. New challenges present themselves. There’s always room for the team to grow and become stronger together as the franchise progresses. That’s the whole point. 

Tony, for his part, waffles back and forth between his desire to be the savior mechanic (to fix everything by himself) and his desire to work cooperatively with his found-family of superheroes for the common good. This internal conflict plays out over the course of the franchise as Tony takes on the Mandarin by himself in Iron Man 3. The issue then escalates in Age of Ultron when Tony convinces Bruce to help him create Ultron, unbeknownst to the rest of the team. Murder-bot problems and team drama ensue. Tony’s cycle of guilt perpetuates itself in the wake of the disaster in Sokovia, which prompts Tony to adopt the Sokovia Accords. He submits himself and the team to UN governance in Civil War. More team drama ensues.

The logical progression of this escalating team conflict should have involved Tony confronting his deep-seated compulsion to destroy himself for the sake of others. This is exactly the problem Pepper keeps trying to point out to him—his Messianic tendencies have started to cause more problems than they solve. 

“There is nothing except this. ... There's the next mission, and nothing else.” —Tony Stark, Iron Man

Tony has struggled from the beginning to find the right balance between personal sacrifice and sharing team effort. 

Pepper frequently tries to remind Tony that he doesn’t live alone in the world, he can’t do it all by himself. And there are people who want him to live. 

“You’re all I have, too, you know.” —Pepper Potts, Iron Man

Imagine how emotionally satisfying it would have been to see Tony outgrow his need for sacrificial penance and internalize a better lesson: that the savior can be saved, the burden can be shared, and life can go on. 

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A Better Ending for Tony

The MCU had the perfect opportunity to give us an ending that would be happier for Tony and a better fit for a team-centric universe. 

In Guardians of the Galaxy we see Peter Quill and his team survive the power of an Infinity Stone by working together to share the burden of its energy. 

Peter Quill is the son of a Celestial—he’s basically immortal up until the end of Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. That’s why he and his team could hold the stone without any ill effects. 

Also, they only had to channel the power of one stone. Not six. 

That’s a fair point. 

But by the time Tony had all of the Infinity Stones in Endgame, the battlefield was chock full of all kinds of superheroes. Wanda and Carol by themselves are  embodiments of two of the Infinity Stones. Hulk had managed to bear all of the stones by himself earlier in the movie. Steve, T’challa, and Bucky are enhanced super soldiers. Thor, Valkyrie, and the other Asgardians might not be Celestials, but they are gods—and there were a lot of them on that field.

And we’re supposed to believe none of these characters could offer any help to Tony whatsoever? None of them could hold Tony’s hand for a single minute to save his life?

There are plenty of arguments that could be made: Tony was too fast, no one knew what was happening, or everyone else was occupied in battle. But at the end of the day, it’s a choice the creative team made. Tony died because they wanted him to die. 

And not much would have to change to save his life. 

Imagine this: Tony gets the stones from Thanos and, in true Messianic Archetype fashion, he commits to making the snap, fully expecting it means his death—but then Pepper is there and Pepper has always been the one asking Tony to stop offering up his life to pay for some imaginary debt he thinks he owes. He hesitates, and it’s just long enough for Carol and Wanda swoop in, putting their hands on him and taking the brunt of the energy. Thor and Steve and Bruce and Clint pile on. Peter Parker links up, too, and on and on until the entire rest of the team, all across the battlefield, are in contact with each other and alight with power, channeling the energy of the six stones, keeping Thanos and his monsters at bay. 

Tony can still have his ultra-badass “I am Iron Man” moment as he stands at the center of this surging and fluxing cosmic energy—but this time he does it with support. There are people who care about him (and each other) on all sides. And there are so many of them. Tony isn’t the only one who matters, he’s just the lynch pin that holds it all together. 

Tony is Iron Man. 

More importantly? Together they’re all the Avengers. 

*SNAP*

The universe is set right.

Maybe Tony doesn’t escape entirely unscathed. Maybe he loses his arm as suggested by this post. Maybe the others all leave with their own scars, too. But Tony’s alive and he’s finally, deeply aware of what it means to transcend the limits of personal sacrifice and share the hero’s burden with others. 

He knows now exactly what the Avengers are capable of. Oh, and by the way? That protective shield he wanted around the world in Age of Ultron? Here they all are. All these wonderful, powerful people are going to protect the Earth. And you know what? They don’t need Tony Stark’s myopic self-sacrifice to do it. 

Tony finally feels like he’s done enough—and maybe now he believes there are other heroes out there who can do better than he can. Anyway, he gets to go home to Morgan and Pepper and he finds that it’s not so hard for him to let the new kids do the tough jobs now. He happily goes back to his role as “consultant” for the Avengers, he’s a mad inventor helping change the world for the better, and he also gets to have the long adventure of being a husband and a dad. He doesn’t have to choose one identity over the other—he’s Iron Man. He can redefine what the job means whenever he wants to.

(Also, he finds a way to rescue Nat because she didn’t deserve to be fridged like that. Just saying.)

This ending, or any number of variations like it, would have allowed Tony to finally show real growth at the end of his character arc, instead of succumbing to the same old self-destructive pattern we've seen from him time and time again. And it would have reinforced the theme of teamwork and its power to elevate all those who participate. 

Maybe it’s cheesy, but you know what? It’s the ending I wanted. I know I’m not alone. 

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Tony’s Not Really Dead, You Say? 

“There’s no need to be upset about Tony’s death,” some might say. “Tony’s gonna come back!” 

Resurrection is a huge part of the Messianic Archetype—and it might be that the filmmakers do intend to bring Tony back in some later movie. It might be they simply want Tony’s death in Endgame to sit a little while longer so it has a greater impact. (Gotta push for that best picture Oscar, right? The Oscars hate superhero movies, but they do love a sad ending.)

While I’m wishing for things, maybe Marvel will also release the multiple alternate endings they filmed for Endgame, essentially creating a “choose your own adventure.” Maybe we’ll all be able to pick the ending we like best and forget the rest exist. 

But I can’t make a judgement based on what might be, I can only say how I feel based on what we were given in the theater—for all intents and purposes, that’s the official story Marvel wants to share. 

The Endgame narrative insists there’s only one possible path to victory against Thanos. The “one possible path” is basically the equivalent of the creative team saying, “Don’t @ me.” There certainly must have been an impossible number of endings they could have put on film. Tony’s death is the one they picked. 

So, sorry for @ing you, Marvel, I guess, but there’s just one more point I want to make...

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A Personal Note

RDJ acted the hell out of Tony's final scene. He acted the hell out of the whole franchise. Tony's death was powerful and intensely moving. I wanted to ugly cry in the lobby after the movie was over, and I was upset for days after. 

So. Good job, Marvel. You got in some surprises and you wrung out some feelings from viewers like me. Now that the movie’s taken the world by storm, the surprises will play themselves out. So, I guess the big question is: Will audiences want to revisit this adventure and the feelings you ultimately left them with? 

For me? My reluctant answer is: no. I don’t want to see Infinity War or Endgame again. Not really. Not in their entirety. I didn’t mind the slog through Infinity War in 2018 because I thought, Hey, maybe this is leading to an ultimately happy and satisfying conclusion for these characters I care about so much. And, to be fair—right up until the last 15 minutes of Endgame, I was ready to say, “All’s forgiven.” 

There’s this thing in storytelling called “payoff.” It’s when you deliver a satisfying resolution or fulfillment to your audience after they commit to your narrative journey. Payoff can be extraordinarily subjective, so, again, I acknowledge that there’s no way to please everyone. 

For me, there’s no reward in the resolution of Endgame that makes the slog to its conclusion worth it. Tony’s ending is so needlessly sacrificial, so unnecessarily brutal, that it erases much of the enjoyment I otherwise had in watching the entire rest of the film. 

Don’t get me wrong. I like sad movies and scary movies in their own context. I like them when I can choose them and know that’s what I'm getting myself into. Sometimes I want the catharsis of being utterly terrified or brought to tears. Sometimes we need stories to give us the chance to feel deep and scary emotions in a safe environment. That’s an important function of creative work.

And, I mean, truly, Endgame gave us some great acting, great effects. Amazing talent. Really fun and creative moments. I’m not trying to disparage all the work that went into its making. 

But I feel like someone took me in a limo to a high-class restaurant to eat caviar and watch sad arthouse theater when all I really wanted was to go into town with my friends for some ice cream and a fun movie. 

I didn’t need rainbow-colored sprinkles on my ending, but something a bit sweeter would have been nice. So, well done, Marvel. But also—no, thank you. 

As it stands, Endgame was too bitter for my taste.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey band Reviews: What Is a Man

I wanted my next review to be The Invisible Man but i keep putting that thing off. I think it’s the pacing. it’s kind of funky. I’ll get around to it eventually. Spoiler alert, it’s pretty interesting so far. In the meantime, i finally caught up on a show that dropped and didn’t see when it first released; Castlevania! I passed on actually reviewing he first two season, well, season and a half. That first season was, like, six episodes. This ain’t the BBC, son. Thirteen or bust! Anyway, since we’re about three days from being under marital law, i figure i got time to revisit and review the series so far. Plus, i mean, i need to catch up since the fourth season has already been announced. F*cking Netflix, man. In that vein, pun in tended, here is my review of the series as a whole so far.

The Good

This show is not anime. It’s not. Avatar is not anime. It’s not. This is a sanitized facsimile of what the Japanese do with their animation. Stop calling this sh*t anime! That said, on it’s own, outside of that hilariously unflattering comparison, it can be pretty dope. I don’t think this sh*t holds a candle to studios like Trigger, Madhouse, Gainax, or Shaft, but it’s the best animation coming out of the US i’ve seen in years. The fight scenes in particular are absolutely gorgeous. You can really tell that Netflix invested the necessary resources to make this show look dope, even if the framerate is a little iffy between set pieces.

Now that i’ve died on my anime cross, i just want to acknowledge how good this show looks. It’s f*cking gorgeous, man. I mean, the world, alone, is a feat for the eyes, but i am absolutely in love with the character designs. If you google the characters from the games they are mad cluttered and full of extra nonsense. I’m never a fan of, like, flair on my characters. That’s why i hate the look of Mortal Kombat. That sh*t is gross. Castlevania has that same issue, culminating in the design vomits of Judgement. That game was gross to look at. Gross. This show takes the ludicrously gaudy designs of the games and make them presentable while still paying homage to the core design of the games. Sh*t is miraculous and i can’t help but marvel at that ingenuity. I mean, f*cking Carmilla, dude. Just look up Carmilla in the games and tell me this show ain’t good at it’s job.

Castlevania’s writing is kind of miraculous. As a cat that’s been playing these games since the late 80s, I’m mildly aware of the interconnecting lore between titles. It’s a mess. It’s a goddamn mess. There’s a dope story there, in the muck, but it’s so mired in melodrama, retcon, and years upon years of independent development, it’s completely lost. I appreciate Konami giving storytelling a shot during a time when gameplay was the principal seller of games, they didn’t have to do any of that, but, at some point, clean your sh*t up with a manga or reboot or something, man. The later titles do this sh*t fine. I adore Shanoa and Soma. Their games got the best of both worlds. The Belmonts? Not so much... This show does an amazing job of cutting through the bullsh*t and sharpening that story to a fine point. This is Trevor’s story, the first Belmont we take control of in game, so watching his line grow through the years, with this quality of storytelling, is mad compelling. I mean, you get right into it and it grips you from start to finish. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

The character work in this show is pretty legit. I was thoroughly surprised since the games themselves are rather bare bones and nauseatingly campy at times. Not this show. Nope! This sh*t is grim, dark, and violent. I love it! You can feel the plight one people and the rage of the vampires. Each main character s is beset with pathos and trauma and consequence, for two seasons. Season three is kind of light on growth but does a decent job explaining certain things. Like, this is Belmont’s tale but Sypha is definitely the most interesting character in the show. Everyone does a great job but there are, of course, a few standouts.

Speaking of my girl, did i tell you that Sypha is f*cking amazing? Ma is the most adorable, most badass motherf*cker in this show! I thought she was going to be kind of a weenie, like she is in the games, but nope! Ma is out here, burning motherf*ckers alive and slicing dudes up with ice blades, all the while being her peppy, adorable, kind of bloodthirsty self. F*ck, love Sypha and her voice actress, Alejandra Reynoso, is perfectly cast! She bring a levity and vulnerability to a woman who can take on an army all y her lonesome. I love that sh*t!

I have to mention how dope Dracula is in this how. He’s f*cking badass and, surprisingly, hilarious. His wit is as sharp as his fangs. Even with such overwhelming power, dude is still amazingly human, often time reminding you that he is just a broken, lonely, man. It’s incredible to see. you actually empathize with an entity hellbent of slaughtering humanity. I couldn’t believe that sh*t. A lot of that has to do with the writing but Graham McTavsh does an excellent job delivering those subtle emotional cues.

I feel like is should say something about Richard Armitage’s Trevor Belmont. Dude is dope. he’s how i always imagined Trevor to be. And Armitage is a seasoned veteran at this voice acting game so he does a great job. I’m not blown away or anything but he’s dope. Considering dude is kind of a supporting character in his own show, i think my indifference is warranted. He’s good, though, don’t misunderstand. I’m not decrying his performance or anything. Gold star for sure.

The best thing about season three, outside of my darling Sypha, is Lenore. Holy sh*t is she a great character! I was thoroughly surprised by how brazenly manipulative she turned out to be. Lenore is a f*cking genius and her feigned naivety is brought to life by an absolutely outstanding performance from Jessica Brown Findlay. Ma is on the long con and Carmilla might have some competition to look for.

I like Issac. This last season did wonders for developing his character. His arc is probably the best after Syph’s, mostly because he’s the only other character that even had an arc. His voice actor, Adetokumboh M'Cormack, does a great job developing the enigmatic Forgemaster into a character more than his humdrum game origins.

The Bad

This show is not anime! Stop telling me it’s an anime!

Alucard’s arc in season three was a little... me. I thought he was the one character let down by the writing but it’s not a terrible slight. I just felt he deserved more of a exploration than what he received.

Season three was straight up filler. I guess it has that in common with anime, even though most modern anime ha move away from the Filler system. I mean, i liked a lot of what went on and the character work was delightful but none of this is really of consequence. Most characters either didn’t grow or are exactly who we thought they were. It feels cheap.

Hector. What the f*ck, Hector. What the f*ck.

The Verdict

Season One showed a ton of potential. I enjoyed the whole Dracula arc, even though this was more a story about his disillusionment with humanity rather than how he became Dracula. Season two is the Castlevania know from the games. It was dope seeing that narrative removed from the shenanigans of that Konami narrative jank. I thought they id the characters dope ass justice and the story itself, was rather compelling. I didn’t mind the character changes and the stuff they added felt organic. Season three is the closest thing to a slice of life anime i’ve seen in this show and it’s ridiculous. Like, nothing really happens of consequence and it feels like setup for later seasons but it’s easily the best looking of the three seasons.

Overall, as a whole, Castlevnia is really good. It’s easily one of the best video game adaptions available. This show takes it’s liberties, of course, but it does so in a very respectful manner. The core of the Castlevania lore is revered and embellished with creative additions while keeping the characters true to their game selves. For the most part. I really enjoyed thee character of Dracula when he was around and, oh my god, Lenore is the goddamn best! Sypha is the MVP of this show, though, and i need you people to know that. The art style is beautiful, the narrative is compelling, and you’ll fall in love with the character work. Castlevania is dope and you should go binge all of it since there is literally nothing else to do under quarantine.

[shepherds-of-haven]

what would the ROs think of that harry potter christian fic you liveblogged a while ago (presumably in a modern au dijdjdhd)?

First we must establish how each RO feels about Harry Potter!

Blade: read it secretly to see what all of the hullabaloo was about, enjoyed the arc of the characters having to grow up in war, shed a tear when Sirius died

How He Feels about The Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles: he didn’t read past the first page and promptly swept it out of his mind

Trouble: feels passionately that he would be in Gryffindor, conflicted on whether he hates Draco or not or would have saved him

How He Feels About the Fanfic: “this is dumb”

Tallys: read HP way too late to be able to participate in any discussions about it with anyone. Cried over Dobby and House Elf Rights and privately rereads the series on bad days

How She Feels About the Fanfic: she was so insulted by it and its depictions of feminism that she left a nasty comment for the writer, never getting far enough to realize it was trolling

Shery: is a huge HP fan and adamantly ships Harry x Hermione and Luna x Neville. Hermione and Luna are goddamn heroes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How She Feels About the Fanfic: she tries not to let thoughts of it ruin her day-to-day life

Riel: waited patiently for all of the books to come out before reading them all in one sitting. Enjoys the themes of the series but resents how stupid Harry and Ron are sometimes. Watches the movies only to criticize them for the content they left out from the books. Sympathizes with Snape for having to watch over this kid who’s constantly being a dick to him

How He Feels About the Fanfic: read all of “Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles” voraciously and for science. Figured out it was trolling within a few pages but read all the way to the end. An interesting foray into the world of fanfiction. He can write better.

Chase: he likes to make inappropriate puns (“Hairy Pooter in My Chamber of Secrets,” “Hairy Pooter and the Prisoner of Ass,” “Hairy Pooter and the Order of the Penis”) but has never read the books. The movies are fine

How He Feels About the Fanfic: if it doesn’t have a smut/lemon warning, he isn’t reading it

Red: he’s a huge Potterhead and went to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter for his birthday (and he was in college). He knows more about HP than you, fight him. Mad-Eye Moody is his favorite character, followed closely by Dumbledore. 

How He Feels About the Fanfic: never before has that sweet body been filled with more hatred than when reading it

Ayla: indifferent to Harry Potter. What’s the big deal?

How She Feels About the Fanfic: if she can’t be arsed to read the original, she isn’t going to read the shitty fanfic

Lavinet: read Harry Potter when she was younger but doesn’t have strong feelings about it as an adult today: fantasy isn’t really her genre.

How She Feels About the Fanfic: it’s a big old glass of pinot grossio

[smallsisnotthrowingawayhershot]

If you've got a minute, would you mind telling a humble follower about your OCs? I keep hearing about nautical things and I'm intrigued. :D

@frenchy-and-the-sea

Aaaaaaaahhhh thank you for asking!! I’m realizing I should probably make a sideblog for venting about/getting inspiration for my writing instead of putting it on main, but I’d love to share!

(Also, I creeped a bit through your blogs and oh my GOSH Seven Cities looks super dope! Looking forward to reading more into it later!)

I’m currently writing a musical with the working title Siren Song. It’s set towards the end of the Golden Age of Piracy, it’s a comedy, and the language/humor is super contemporary. Wren, Sari, and Peter are childhood friends who started The Rainbow Trout, the absolute lamest and least successful pirate vessel on the sea, after their town was burned down. In the year before the play, all of the other crew members quit, so it’s back to the original three scrambling to keep a dying thing afloat. 

The captain, Wren, is a tall, dark-haired butch with some trust issues. She’s ambitious and loyal as hell, but she’s also very impulsive and rough around the edges. Her whole arc is about learning to let go of a grudge. Ultimately, she just gives off a lot of 2000′s emo energy, and she’s really awkward and unsure once you break past her cynical facade. Stubborn and doesn’t always think things through. And she’s really trying to make a flamboyant feathered hat work in her aesthetic, though it looks real dorky. Sari’s best friend. Chaotic neutral.Sari has a gift for logistics, languages, and navigation. She’s physically the smallest of the three. She escaped her anxiety and trauma from the burning by voraciously reading everything left of her hometown’s library, making her an expert in a lot of really random subjects. She gets treated like the kid sister at times, but she’s the most responsible one aboard by a long shot. Unofficial Pirate Mom who makes sure her kids don’t miss a chance to get some goddamn vitamin C in their system. She also loves flowers, wears goggles, and desperately wants to get a ship cat and give it a name that’s a pirate pun, even though the last three died of disease and/or drowning. Shy bi. Wren’s best friend. Lawful good. Peter is the brawn. He’s lean and muscular and ridiculously attractive. His clothing is slightly androgynous and pretty revealing. He’s an optimistic nihilist pansexual lover boy who knows he can flirt anyone off their feet and loves it, but he’s also pretty oblivious to most things. He grew up as an apprentice rather than a student and is just not that bright in general. But his heart’s always in the right place. Loveable doofus bastard who loves rum and his friends. Just wants everyone to have a good time. Cocky in battle, shuts down in emotional confrontation. (There’s a secret tragic backstory here but I’m still not sure if it’s worth revealing in the play.) Chaotic good.

Celestine is a siren in the version of the myth where Sirens Eat Sailors. She has stereotypical mermaid hair you can see from miles away. She’s been banished from her clan because (A) her voice is more suited for Adele-style belting than the operatic tones she should be singing, and (B) she’s a vegan. There’s a lot of plot junk but she’s basically the scrappy kid of her sisterhood with everything to prove, but she doesn’t have the heart to do anything bloody. She tries so hard to be someone she’s not, and her whole arc is about learning it’s okay to be a pacifist and lead a normal human life that makes her happy. Cunning, wise, and a bit ethereal. Doesn’t understand a lot of Human things. Speaks a secret language of the sea spirits but mainly uses it to swear. And she and Wren have an enemies-to-friends-to-lovers kind of romance thing going on. 

That’s the main four! There are a couple supporting characters (Jo, the Tradesperson, and Lottie, captain of competing ship Sappho’s Scythe), but I’m still trying to work them out.

...That was probably a lot more than you meant. It’s late at night and I guess I just wanted to gush, so sorry about that, but thanks for the opportunity! You’re very sweet!!

[pagerunner-j]

cr ask meme: 1, 7, 17!!

whoo, more meme action! ;)

1. campaign one or campaign two?

I love campaign one dearly, and I still feel like campaign two keeps flirting with plotlines and then dodging out of the way, which is frustrating me. I’m still willing to give it a chance to weave all these threads together, though.

7. percy or mollymauk or caduceus?

…dammit.

i am

conflicted

Here’s the thing: I wanted Molly’s storyline SO BADLY, and the fact that it got cut short over a plot detour I’m still furious about is never going to feel okay. Going by what we did get, I love Molly’s personality, and his story had a ton of potential. Unfortunately, we’re never going to get to see it play out, so it’s hard to fairly or completely judge/rank him here. Meanwhile, Caduceus is an absolute darling, but we haven’t had much chance to focus on him yet, so while I adore him as a character, I have no idea yet where he’s going, story-arc wise. And Molly made me so gunshy that I’m afraid to pin too many hopes there, either.

Meanwhile, I love Percy so much, and I imprinted immediately, since it was obvious from day one that this guy had PLOT. His story was great, and it actually goddamn resolved. I also fell hard (…obviously) for his relationships with various other characters, like Vex, Cassandra, Keyleth, etc. Honestly, the most important people in his life, for good or bad – looking at you, Ripley and Delilah – were almost all women, and that was a major point in his favor. So it’s hard not to hand him the win. Like I said above, though: Taliesin’s other characters just haven’t had time. So, y’know. Little bit of an asterisk here.

Still, it’s hard to beat anyone who can pull out the kind of dialogue he does.

(You really, really should have seen my face when he came out swinging in The Search for Grog. I’d missed his sass SO MUCH.)

(on the other hand: I could really use a hug from Caduceus right about now)

(so, again I say: C O N F L I C T E D)

(and anyway, that was more of an essay than I meant to write. MOVING ON…)

17. the raven queen or the traveler?

Oh god. (no pun intended.) Oh, god. Well. I’m going with the Traveler here, I think, because as much as I loved watching Matt play the Raven Queen and as intriguing as she is, I admit I’m a little on Percy’s side here, and I’ve got a wee bit of a grudge.* ;) Meanwhile: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE TRAVELER because he’s both entertaining and very creepy and something is H A P P E N I N G and I want my girl Jester to be safe and happy and so I want aaaaaanswers and come on he’s totally Artagan, isn’t he, Matt? You can tell us. You can totally tell us. Plz tell. So curious. Aaaaah.

*Part of that grudge is against everyone in the party who didn’t do anything about the fact that Percy said he wanted to visit the Raven Queen’s temple before anyone else brought her up, and long before shit went down in the tomb. And they didn’t go. And I’m still so curious what would have happened in the alternate timeline where he hadn’t gotten god-blocked at EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. (Given the timeline we got, though, I am still 110% behind Team Faithless. *raises a toast alongside Percy and Keyleth*)

[girlbossk]

wraith squadron—a review/ramble/post thingy

so let me begin this post with a farewell. farewell, corran horn, though you shall return. farewell, ysanne isard, though you shall return. farewell, nawara ven, though you shall return. farewell, whoever else exists, we hardly knew ye. farewell, gavin, you were replaced by new token tatooinian falynn sandskimmer who is now also dead. farewell, falynn sandskimmer, though i should be coming back to you later. farewell, asyr, you were the only good bothan. 

farewell, pash, you get a line of your own because i love you the most. 

ok now on to the actual post stuff (under a cut because it is Long)

so there were a bunch of new people! gonna give some first impressions and how that stuff changed over time 

garik “face” loran: ok so unlike the farewells, i am putting the best FIRST instead of last. face is super cool and i loved him from the beginning. i wasn’t sure why but as time went on he just got better and better bc he’s awesome. 

ton phanan: i heard he was allergic to bacta just after meeting him and swore to not get attached. then i proceeded to get attached, kind of. also it is ironic that a doctor is allergic to bacta. also wedge keeps choosing ex lawyers and doctors for his squadrons??? why 

kell tainer: he is so different than he is in scoundrels and that threw me off a bit but i love him probably second most after face, and also i love his arc in this book. 

wes janson: yub yub (the first yub is my first impression, the second yub is my final impression) 

hobbie klivian: i?? need more??? of this dude???? i loved his and wedge’s dynamic in chapter one but then he just poofed away

tyria sarkin: she is very very cool but right away i had a bad impression of her because her last name is really close to tarkin. anyways she is awesome and i like her but why did she choose kell. why. 

falynn sandskimmer: her last name?? is sandskimmer???? anyways i liked her bc she called wedge old but i wasn’t that sad when she died. 

jesmin ackbar: i cannot believe neither she nor her uncle had any ackbarisms this book. i thought “oh cool, an ackbar” when i met her, grew to like her but be mostly indifferent, and then almost cried when she died 

hohass “runt” ekwesh: runt is? are? cool but kind of weird and the grammar is really throwing me off. i didn’t like them as much in the beginning but yeah. i do now. 

voort sabinring: is cool! a good gamorrean! i like him. i didn’t very much like him at first because gamorrean but i do now!! 

myn donos: at first i didn’t care for him. on the edge of disliking him. but like, i understand why he acted the way he did so i like him a bit better. a bit. 

grinder: i forget his name. oh well. he’s a bothan. so i automatically didn’t like him. and unlike asyr, i didn’t grow to like him. i thought it was cool that he was the prankster, but really i just liked face’s revenge. 

general crespin: boooooooooooooooooooooo. literally what was the point of this guy. oh, cool, he is in military command. oh, cool, he has an a-wing squadron. oh, cool, he disagrees with wedge. like what is the goddamn point of creating a new character whom i do not like when you already have two characters who i do like and one other character who i do not like that fit those roles. why. 

atril tabanne: her name is too similar to aril so i just kept picturing aril in my mind which kind of confused me? but she is Cool

okay! i think that about wraps up all the characters, and if i forgot anyone new, well, who even cares about them. onto PLOT THINGS. 

and by plot things i do not mean actual plot things, i mean basic stuff i noticed in bullet point format 

allston did a better job with the writing than stackpole did, in my opinion

aka there was less slender so i focused on the plot more 

HOWEVER there were no ackbarisms aka ocean puns from EITHER ackbar so bad job mr allston, bad job 

also ackbar didn’t even go in the ocean at the end. he could’ve talked with wedge in the ocean. just both of them standing in the sea, wearing their uniforms, talking. 

that being said i mostly loved this book 

however i do have one change i would make if i could

DELETE! CRESPIN! 

i actually kind of like him kind of tentatively by the end but???? 

him disliking and disagreeing with wedge: just use general salm. who was literally mentioned in the book?? he didn’t like die or anything, defender wing is still a thing though idk if they’re called that, just use him

(or replace salm with crespin; i don’t care for either of them)

(i prefer crespin solely based on two reasons: he flies into battle with his men, and he is in charge of a-wings instead of y-wings) 

HOWEVER

you already have an a-wing dude

an a-wing dude who we as an audience are familiar with and also adore, i hope

an a-wing dude who has a whole wing of a-wings

an a-wing dude who is friends with wedge

(if you don’t know who i am talking about, unfollow me right now) 

and that a-wing dude is... 

PASH! 

just bring him back 

bring back the boy 

and while on the subject of generals, 

bring back the boy’s father too

i miss the elder cracken 

ok i am Done

anyways done with that. allston is good at making all the minor people better known. well, the dudes, anyway. i didn’t know much about sandskimmer but i know a lot about face. 

i like face. 

i bet he has a nice face. 

can you tell i am So Tired

anyways what was i talking about? a-wings? no? face? i don’t even know 

MR TAINER HOW THE KELL DID YOU JUMP SO HIGH?????

ok this post is just bad puns so goodnight and post. pash out. 

literally :(((

[desperatelyreviewingdennis]

Endgame

By basically any metric, Endgame was strictly inferior to Infinity War. It was a solid conclusion to he MCU, they wrapped things up nicely. But they really didn't meet the bar they set in the last movie. Visually, sound design, effects, all the technical aspects they nailed.  As always.  But the *story*?  The plot, the meat and bones of it?  Abysmal.  

I don’t remember *exactly* how I felt leaving Infinity War.  I know I did not like it as much as most, I felt they rushed too much into the one story, and they would have been better off with a trilogy [Guardians of the Galaxy 3 followed by Infinity War and Endgame].  I disliked Thor’s sequence in the film in particular, and thought the Snap was poorly handled because it was obviously going to be undone in the next movie so there was no emotional punch [although Peter Parker sure tried, even knowing he’s not really dead that scene stings].  Despite the flaws, though, I felt the movie was largely solid.  The writers crammed too much into one film, but most narrative threads were fully realized and the ones that weren’t have a whole nother movie to wrap up.  Upon a couple rewatches, my opinion has grown.  The tightness of it all is much more apparent, and Thor’s sequence is now my favorite in the movie, despite basically being a retread of his arc in Ragnarok. 

So maybe once I will reevaluate this once its on DVD.  But I suspect my opinion isn’t going to change.  The issues are more fundamental, and there’s no sequel planned to fix the problems.  Honestly, I wonder how much of the writing team carried over, because this movie doesn’t feel like it was the planned sequel to Infinity War.

Also, it seems clear that there was some executive meddling in places that would suggest the problems of Ms Marvel are going to carry forward.

I don’t want to say its a bad movie.  Ms Marvel was a bad movie.  Iron Man 2 was a bad movie.  For the first two thirds of the movie, it had its issues but nothing irredeemable.  And the stuff it did right it did really really right.  The last act, though, really dragged the whole thing down.

Spoilers abound after the break.

First of all, I never watched so much as a trailer for this movie. I wanted to go in completely free from assumptions. I'm glad I did, but I don't know what other people took from different scenes with that additional context.

Movie opens with Hawkeye's family getting dusted. I hate Hawkeye so that was immensely satisfying.

Next scene less so. Why did Tony and Nebula get on the damaged ship? What was their end game (no pun intended)? Not a huge deal but right off the bat I'm questioning character motives. Not a good sign.

Oh, it's because if they're on a ship it's easier for Ms Marvel to save the day. How did she find them? Was she specifically looking for Stark? Why? Nobody on Earth knew what happened with him. Was there a distress signal? Can she sense those now? Nobody knows, and we're not going to find out. The only thing we learn about Ms Marvel is that she didn't help out during the previous movies because she was busy on other planets. I mean, come on. 

The sequence between Stark and Rogers back on Earth was spot on and I loved it.  This will be a recurring theme, specific scenes being perfect with the surrounding material being crud.

They then kill Thanos and we time skip five years. That was actually pretty cool, and an unexpected turn of events.  Take notes, Rian Johnson.  My expectations were subverted but it didn't make me want to murder the Russo's. It does sort of abandon the child Gamora scenes from Infinity War.  Everybody thought that was supposed to be her actual soul in the soul stone, but the Soul Stone is now destroyed so maybe it was just Thanos being crazy?  Maybe it’ll come up later in the movie [Ron Howard: It won’t.]

Commence exposition. Couple thoughts. One, I hated Bruce Banner. The Hulk was a separate, unique personality. Banner killed him, and took over his body. We can debate the morality of it, but I just found it unsatisfying. It all happened off camera, and they never really explain why The Hulk refused to fight in Infinity War. I assumed it was because he was afraid, the Russo's claim it was because he was tired of being Banner's  lap dog. Either way, that character was killed unceremoniously during a time skip and never mentioned again.

Two, Banner’s pretty confident in how Time Travel is going to work.  Time Travel has never been a thing except with Dr Strange, and the two never sat down to discuss the subject before the later was turned to dust.   So where is his confidence coming from?  Their entire plan hinges on him being correct.  What really bugs me about this is that, with about thirty seconds of actual discussion [rather than the comic relief listing time travel movies and Banner shutting them down], they could have reached the same conclusion.  “Why don’t we prevent the snap from happening in the first place?” “Because that would be a paradox, and we don’t know how time responds to paradoxes.  Maybe we all live happily ever after, maybe time itself implodes.  But if we undo the snap in the present, we know exactly what will happen.”   But instead he just knows.  And, oh, also he’s wrong.  We figure that out later in the movie, but never really address it.  

Tony with his daughter was perfect and I loved it.  It was a little unsatisfying that he just sort of tinkered with time travel for an afternoon and figured everything out, but that’s sort of his thing so it works.

Thor... less perfect.  Look, this is the third movie in a row now that is about Thor losing everything then regaining his power.  They did it in Ragnarok.  They did it better in Infinity War.  Do they really need to do it again in End Game?  In fact, it occurs to me just now as I’m writing this that was the plot to the first Thor as well.  So this is four times now that we’ve been in this exact situation.  I’m just done with it, you know?  The scenes were funny enough, and I certainly understand *why* the character is in that place, emotionally, but being understandable is no excuse for retreading old ground.

So now we’re time traveling.  This was like 90% great, but the 10% really drags the whole thing down. 

We’ll start with the Power Stone.  Having Nebula reconnect to the interstellar wifi was inspired.  Obviously they need Thanos to figure out the plan and move to stop it, otherwise there’s no climax.  Obviously there’s no present day Thanos to do that, so it has to be past Thanos.  This also wraps up one of the nagging threads from the first movie.  Thanos has been hunting for these things for years, then just stumbles upon all of them in a couple months?  It seemed a little convenient, but now they’ve shown that he had inspiration from the future telling him exactly where he could find them all.  Just wow.  Then having past Nebula take present Nebula’s place?  I loved it.

Next, time stone.  Remember my annoyance with Banner’s overconfidence earlier?  Here Banner being told he’s full of shit, but they just sort of ignore it.  Its not that you can’t change the past, its that when you change the past you create an alternate reality, and that alternate reality might be super shitty so you shouldn’t do it.  But they hand wave it away with a promise to return the stones back to where they belong on the timeline, so that the timeline doesn’t “branch” and Banner ends up technically correct.  So it works, I’ll put this in the 90% great category.

But here’s the 10% shit: how did The Sorcerous Supreme know how great Dr. Strange was going to be? She can’t see past her own death, but she knows how powerful Strange becomes after she dies?  But she doesn’t know about the Snap, so they’re definitely sticking to the original rules, this isn’t a retcon.  But Strange is dead, so how does he know everything works out?  In fact, not only is Strange dead, the time stone is dead too.  He used the time stone to go further into the future than the time stone itself exists.  This would have been a perfect opportunity to close some loose threads, but they missed them.

Also the scene after they arrive in New York where Banner half heartedly destroys some stuff was pretty cringe.  I think they were playing it as a joke, and people in the audience definitely laughed, but it really drove home the earlier point about how they killed off The Hulk and replaced him with a Green Bruce Banner.  

Next up: Space and Mind Stones.  Talk about important McGuffins.  Studying the Tesseract lead to the creation of SHIELD and Hydra and Captain America and eventually Ms Marvel.  Studying Captain America lead to the creation of The Hulk.  The Mind Stone created Vision, Quicksilver, and the Scarlett Witch. Important stuff here.

But anyhow, 90% good.  Everything was great right up until the end.  The plan, the banter, everything worked for me.  I even loved the bit about “America’s Ass.”  I do wonder if that wasn’t a response to criticisms of Brie Larson’s ass in Ms Marvel?  Or just commentary on comics drawing attention to asses in general?  I’m not sure but I liked it.

10% shit: the plan goes sideways at the last minute, and Loki escapes with the Tesseract.  Ok, now, its been a while since I watched the first Avengers movie, but I don’t remember Loki escaping with the Tesseract?  Isn’t that exactly what Banner said can’t happen, and the Sorcerous Supreme made Banner promise he wouldn’t let happen?  A branch in he timeline?  That’s a pretty goddamn significant change in history.  But whatever, we’re never going to comment on it.  A rogue infinity stone, in the hands of a crazy person, NBD.

So Stark and Rogers go further into the past to steal the Tesseract from SHIELD before Loki could steal it from Rogers stealing it from Hydra stealing it from the Avengers.  No complaints here, Some nice foreshadowing for Rogers, and Stark gets closure with his father.  It was great.

Finally, Soul Stone.  Look, I have always hated Hawkeye, since the first Thor, and love Black Widow so that’s all I have to say about that.  Except that Nat doesn’t get the sort of closure Stark and Rogers do.  Can’t really blame the writers on this one, they didn’t have a lot to work with, but its still disappointing.  At least it wasn’t a pointless death and her and Barton got some time together. 

Finally: the Ether/Reality Stone.  This was just an extension of the previous “we’ve covered this already why is this here?” issue around Thor.  Him getting Mjolnir was pretty tight, though, not gonna lie.  

So now we’re back in the present, we have all the Stones and past Nebula has infiltrated the group.  First of all: this would have been a great place for an Intermission.  Like, seriously, There are literally no dangling story lines, everything’s come back together to one location, and you’ve got a couple minutes of downtime before the action starts anyhow.  Just give people ten minutes to piss, please.

First of all, how did Past Nebula bring an entire fucking battle ship into the present?  Like, they had just enough Pym Particles to get their team back once.  Sure, they picked up some extras but she couldn’t have been expecting that, and the memories she got from Present Nebula should have made that clear.  So what was her end game (no pun intended)?  And if they could send a ship full of people all at once, why didn’t the Avengers do that?  Take the entire team back at once, leaving themselves with eight more doses if they fail.  

Moving on, the scene were they use the stone worked for me, given what they’ve done so far.  Specifically, with respect to the Hulk.  But bear with me here: what if they hadn’t fucked up the Hulk?  Imagine a movie where Banner doesn’t kill a character off camera.  He’s just a regular guy the entire movie.  Maybe they ask him if he still has issues with Hulking out and he says “no, I guess he got tired of cleaning up my messes so now he refuses to come out even when I need him to.”  Then, as Thor is about to don the glove, Banner transforms and everybody is certain he’s about to ruin everything when he puts the glove on himself and snaps his fingers.  After, his body is still green but its Bruce talking.  He doesn’t sense the Hulk inside him anymore.  He sacrificed himself because he knew he could do it and Thor couldn’t.

Just a thought.  As I said, the scene works as it is.

We establish the plan works, then suddenly THANOS.  Opportunity #2 for an intermission.  They launch the barrage of missiles, then fade to black, see you in ten minutes.  Would have been epic.

So we get a nice, super satisfying scene with the three original Avengers fighting Thanos.  Thor is fucking dual wielding, yes please.  And the scene where Steve catches Mjolnir?  I was literally hard.  But Thanos is even more powerful than he was in Infinity War.  Remember Infinity War, that movie a YEAR OLD written and directed by THE SAME PEOPLE?  In that one, Stark went toe to toe with Thanos in control of the Infinity Stones and held his own.  In this one, Thanos has no problem taking down a dual wielding Thor, and literally destroys Cap’s Shield without even the use of the Power Stone.  Its just... blah.  

Now, when things are at their worse: MAGIC.  Literally, Dr Strange uses magic to save the day.  Its not a complaint, its just what happens.  Again, SUPER satisfying.  But lots of things stick out.  One, half the Wakandan army just woke up from being dusted.  As far as they’re concerned its been like half an hour since Infinity War, but they’re all in pretty good shape.  Even if you assume the Wakandan army was made up of survivors, they sure mobilized quickly.  That’s impressive.  Two, where did Valkyrie get a fucking Pegasus?  They’re all dead, remember?  Hela killed them thousands of years ago, it was kind of a big deal.  Yeah, neat scene, loved seeing it, but it doesn't belong.  Third, Pepper Potts shows up.  She abandoned her five year old child to fight alongside Tony.  I get there’s an end of the world argument to be made, but it still doesn’t seem in character.  Both for her to do it, and for Tony to not call her out for it.

Still, nice satisfying fight scene.  Things still kind of go south, though, they just can’t seem to beat Thanos’s army.  Wouldn’t it be convenient if a flying god were to show up for no reason and destroy the battleship causing all the trouble?  That would be convenient, but they’re better writers than that. [Ron Howard: they were not]

To add insult to injury, they literally divide the heroes by sex and have a scene where all the women are together launching an attack.  It wasn’t even like a natural progression of the battle, where the women are thrown together.  Just the one shot of all them showing up for no reason.  

There was no corresponding scene with the male heroes.  

But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence and they weren’t pandering for woke points.

At one point Thanos grabs the Power Stone with his bare hands and uses it to blast somebody [I think Ms Marvel but I don’t remember].  He doesn’t appear to suffer any ill affects, 

Finally, Tony Stark’s big moment.  People were literally weeping in the theater.  I loved it so much.  It was honestly perfect.  Killing everybody wasn’t what I expected, I thought they’d be sent back to the past to preserve the timeline or whatever, but this way it mirrored the end of Infinity War so thematically this works better.

Everything after that was basically shit.

First of all, this movie suffers from a serious case of Return of the King Syndrome.  There was like half an hour of movie left after Thanos died the second time.  Christ.

Past Gamora might or might not still be alive in the present?  She kicks Star Lord in the nuts then kind of vanishes.  There’s no reason to assume Tony’s snap wouldn’t have killed her along with the rest of the past army, but they also didn’t resurrect Present Gamora so she probably survived for Guardians 3. Starlord is using the computer to search for her at the end, but Thor keeps trying to stop him because I guess he’s a prick now?

Also Thor retires.  Just quits.  Names Valkyrie Queen of the Asgardians.  That’s the conclusion of his story.  He just goes off to find himself, gonna spend some time with the Guardians of the Galaxy see where life takes him. Because that’s satisfying.

They still have to return the infinity stones, along with Mjolnir.  Rogers gets to do the honors, and he makes it pretty clear to everybody that he’s saying his goodbyes.  Somehow, nobody notices, and everybody’s super surprised when he doesn’t come back after.  Apparently, he choses to return to the 40s and live out his life with Peggy.  I liked this, it was a satisfying conclusion to his story.  He found a way back to the love of his life.  Nice.

Here’s what’s not nice.  Bucky and Falcon see old Steve sitting near by.  Bucky, Steve’s childhood friend who owes his life to the fact Steve never stopped believing in him, sends Falcon over to talk to him.  Because...I don’t fucking know.  Why didn’t they both just go talk to him?  Why didn’t they call over Bruce, who was standing right there trying to figure out what went wrong?  No, its Falcon’s time.

But more importantly: HOW IS STEVE THERE?  You can’t change the past.  Bruce tells us that.  The Sorcerous Supreme shows us that changes in the past create alternate timelines leaving the original in tact.  They pulled Thanos into the present and killed him before he could collect the Infinity Stones, but the snap still happened.  Present Nebula shot Past Nebula in the heart but didn’t wink out of existence. 

But somehow, when Steve goes into the past, he doesn’t create an alternate timeline where Captain America survives the war. He just inserted himself into the prime timeline, and waited until he had a chance to say hi to his old friend Falcon.

Oh, also he had a second Shield made at some point? 

Look, I liked Steve’s story.  I liked that they passed on the title to Falcon, a nice nod to the source material.  I’m thrilled that Peggy got the dance he promised her all those years ago.  But that scene ruined the core premise behind the entire movie.  Time Travel stories are hard, but if you agree on how they work and stick to those rules its fine.  This movie did neither.

Also: how did Steve return the Soul Stone? How shocked was he to discover the stone was guarded by Red Skull?  Did he just drop it off the cliff and hope the ancient magic would handle the rest? Will Thanos still have to sacrifice Gamora or does Nat’s sacrifice still count?

There’s other issues.  Ms Marvel and Wanda both just sort of vanish.  Wanda especially should have gotten more story, but they just gave her one angry woman scene then she was forgotten about.  They sort of gloss over the massive issues they’d have faced with half the population dead.  They show one overgrown neighborhood, but by and large everything seems to be exactly the same as it was pre-snap.  Just with everybody sadder.  We never see Rocket meet a racoon.  Hawkeye was in the movie.  Nothing really huge.

So that’s all I have to say about that.  Thank you for coming to my TED talk.