SORRY GUYS BUT I WAS IN ANOTHER ANGSTY MOOD SO HERE’S A SUPER SAD CAPTAIN LEVI PROMPT I WROTE FOR MY DEAR FRIEND @thebadbatch🥲✨
Masterlist
Title : Should’ve known
Pairing : Captain Levi x Reader
Summary : Levi always knew this world was cruel, however he never expected it to go as far as gifting him such a precious soul, only to then steal it away years later.
Word count : around 2,700 words
Warnings : heavy angst, death, mentions of blood, violence, depression.
Author’s notes : reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on😊
Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.
Side Note : this fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is wholly mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.
After everything that’s happened, after everyone he’s lost, Captain Levi thought he was used to the idea of death.
Whether it was his friends, his family, or even his comrades: almost everyone Levi’s ever held dear in his life seemed to have all met that same untimely fate, one he’d encountered too many times before.
After waking up every day just to witness another person slaughtered right before him, killing just didn’t seem to affect the captain like it used to.
It had sadly become a normal part of his life, something he had grown so accustomed to that he was never even surprised anymore when it happened. Even as so many more of his comrades died, including the ones by his own hand, he still never felt anything more than a hollow numbness, almost as if he was now completely immune to that sorrowful feeling.
So then… if that was the case… why was it different this time?
Why did he feel like dropping to the ground right then and there once Hange started speaking, delivering him a gut-wrenching piece of information he wished he could forget?
“W-What did you say?” He stuttered, desperately hoping he misheard her say his wife’s name while she was reading him the list of soldiers they lost on their most recent mission.
“Here,” Hange whispered, regretfully turning around the clipboard she was getting her information from. “Just read it.” She told him, holding back tears of her own as she shakily held it in the air. She hoped that paper would be enough of an explanation; and that she wouldn’t have to repeat those heartbreaking words once more.
He snatched the clipboard from her instantly, desperate to find some sort of error in her writing, perhaps a miscalculation engraved on the paper.
There had to be some sort of mistake, surely his wife couldn’t have died; not on such a simple operation.
This mission wasn’t meant to be dangerous at all, it was merely a retrieval mission. There was a small village outside the walls that they needed information from, that’s it. The troops shouldn’t have even been gone for more than an hour.
So why, why did things end in such violence?
Why was he standing here, staring at his wife’s name on that ridiculous list of dead soldiers?
None of it made any sense, none of it felt real.
How on earth could such a simple mission have gone so brutally wrong? What could possibly have happened that became too much for her to take care of?
If her only obstacle was just a couple of titans, then his wife should’ve easily been able to protect herself, he was sure of it!
After all, Levi was the one who trained her.
He had taught her everything he knew, made her train harder than any other soldier in the entire survey corp.
There were nights she felt as though her limbs would detach after all the training he put her through. There were so many times she begged him for just a five-minute break, but he would refuse.
Why?
Because he wanted to make sure she was prepared for anything that came her way.
He thought that if he trained her hard enough then he would be able to ensure her survival; that he could prevent her from joining the same fate that countless others had succumbed to before now.
It pained him to make his wife work so hard, but he just couldn’t risk losing her as well.
He needed to be sure he was equipping her with all the best tools for combat, that she was prepared to face any conflict this vile world could throw at her.
But he should’ve known…
In the end, his wife was only human, and he was stupid enough to think any amount of training could change that.
“I see,” he finally spoke up after a few moments of silence, handing the clipboard back to his comrade. “How did it happen?” His eyes fell towards the ground as he spoke, remaining there with no intention of looking upwards.
Hange gulped softly, her words stuttering past her mouth as she began to explain. “They were able to complete their mission and give us the information we needed, but, on their way back they were ambushed by Titans; dozens upon dozens of them.” Hange paused momentarily, almost as if she was still having trouble processing the whole thing herself. “I don’t even know where they came from, I had already checked the area myself before the mission had started so there was no reason for them to even run into any titans.”
Since he refused to meet her gaze, Hange couldn’t tell whether Levi was angry with her or not. She certainly hoped he wasn’t, but in all honesty, he would’ve had every right to be.
After all, Hange was the one in charge of making sure the mission was safe before sending the troops on it. She was the one responsible for giving out this assignment.
She thought her efforts were enough, she thought she had made sure the mission was safe, yet here she was, regretfully informing Levi that his wife would no longer be returning home to him.
“They were all backed into a corner.” She continued, her fingers clenching at her sides as she spoke. “The only way they would’ve been able to escape is if someone drew the Titans away from the rest of the group, and well,” Hange hesitated for a moment, not wanting to finish her sentence. “She, uh, she volunteered to be the diversion.” Her teeth quickly gritted in remorse, her voice cracking as she let out a quiet “I’m sorry” moments later.
“So, she made the sacrifice play huh?” Levi asked despite already knowing the answer, watching Hange nod in confirmation once he finally glanced toward her.
“Hmm,” He hummed in response. “Sounds like something she’d do.”
It all made sense now. He should’ve known she’d do something like this.
How could she ever resist the temptation to sacrifice herself for the sake of her comrades? She was too much like Erwin in that sense.
Her heart was simply too gentle to allow something as gruesome as death to fall upon those young cadets’ shoulders.
She knew none of them were prepared to fight, the whole reason they were even allowed to accompany her on this mission in the first place is because it wasn’t supposed to be dangerous.
But even if those soldiers could’ve successfully put their emotions aside and chose to stand their ground, they still didn’t have nearly enough combat training to fight that many Titans.
Those poor cadets were probably scared out of their minds, assuming this would be their last day on earth after seeing those disgusting titans approaching. But the captain’s wife is the one who stepped in; she’s the one who knowingly put herself at risk just so that they’d have a chance at getting away.
As the rightful leader of those troops, she put her own fears and protests aside to protect her soldiers, prolonging their innocent lives by cutting hers short.
In all honesty, Levi felt proud upon hearing what she’d had done, how she so courageously laid down her life so that the troops could keep theirs.
It was a truly selfless act, a heroic one even, but Levi didn’t want his wife to be a hero; he just wanted her to be alive.
“Can I see her?” He spoke softly, the pain looming behind his eyes becoming blatantly clear for once.
Hange hesitated for a minute, not sure if she should allow it. With how things went down, there wasn’t even much left for him to see.
Was it right for her to let him witness that? Should she ruin the last image he had of his wife by replacing it with this one?
Would it be cruel to do so?
She certainly thought it was, however, when she looked into his eyes, noticing the desperation engulfing them, she knew he needed to see it.
In order for him to fully accept his wife’s death, he’d have to see it with his own two eyes.
No matter how unsettling it may be, he had to know that this was real.
“I’ll leave you.” Hange whispered, her voice breaking as she walked off, giving her comrade his only chance to say goodbye.
And there she left him. All those hours of training now wasted as he stood hovering over his wife’s lifeless body, his limbs feeling weak as he realized he was once again too late to stop another tragedy from happening.
Her blade was shattered across the ground, blood dripping from her mouth and staining the emerald-colored grass below.
The very sight seemed to steal the breath from his lungs, his chest tightening, and tears threatening to slip down his cheeks as he silently stood there; unsure of what to do.
He should’ve known it would end like this, he was a fool to think this wouldn’t happen; to think the universe would finally let him be happy for once in his life.
He should’ve just gone with her.
True, there was no way anyone would’ve known something like this would happen, especially since this was only meant to be a simple retrieve and retreat mission. But even so, he should’ve just went anyways.
Maybe then this wouldn’t have happened.
Maybe then he wouldn’t have to watch as the medics draped that white cloth over her body, lifting it into the wagon to take back for a proper burial.
If only he would’ve stayed by her side like he promised at that alter.
If only he wasn’t peacefully doing his paperwork at the same time his wife was being brutally murdered beyond that wall.
Perhaps then things would be different. Perhaps he wouldn’t lie silently in bed every night, staring down the spot she used to sleep in as if he could manifest her coming back to him after staring long enough.
If fate had been kinder to him, maybe he wouldn’t have to eat his breakfast alone anymore, or forget he doesn’t need to set out two cups when he’s making his usual tea in the morning.
Levi Ackerman was used to death, it was all he’d ever known. So then, why did this time leave him so broken?
Why was he initially so shocked when he first heard the news?
His wife was a solider after all, she faced the possibility of death every single time she picked up that blade.
This should’ve been expected. It was bound to happen eventually, right?
Didn’t he understand that?
He didn’t actually think he could change fate, did he?
She went out exactly the way she should’ve, she died a soldier’s death, one he was proud of. In the end his wife completed her mission, and the information she helped gather brought the military a significant step closer to saving humanity.
But at what cost?
How many more people had to die in order for the world to be saved?
How much of humanity would even be left if things kept happening like this?
None of it made any sense, what did it matter if the world was saved when his world was already gone?
After that dreadful day the captain continued to fight, but it was different now.
He was always a powerful fighter, but now that she was gone, he seemed to push himself harder than before.
He never stopped; from dusk until dawn he was in non-stop motion.
If he wasn’t on a mission then he was training, if he wasn’t training then he was helping plan their next endeavor beyond the walls, if he wasn’t doing that then it was an endless pile of paperwork. No matter what it was, he was always doing something.
At first the others thought he felt guilty for what happened and that’s why he was working so hard, because he wanted to grow strong enough to stop that from ever happening again.
But they soon realized they were wrong: He wasn’t fighting to get stronger; he was fighting to distract himself from his grief.
Being a captain of the survey corp didn’t leave a lot of time for anything else, so he didn’t have to think about the pain lingering inside him that often.
And that’s exactly how he liked it.
He didn’t want to think about anything that concerned his wife anymore, otherwise, his heart might break again. Otherwise, that aching might return to him once more.
All those discussions they had about settling down when the fighting was over, that silly little image of a house bursting with the laughter from the children they’d have together, all of it was ripped from his mind and cast aside to never be thought of again.
He couldn’t think of them, not anymore. Not when every memory of her only reminded him of how happy he was back then; the complete opposite of how he was now.
The only reason he would have ever considered leaving the military before was if it meant starting a family with her, but now he had no reason to leave. Now he works around the clock just so he can ignore that loneliness eating away at his heart.
All those years ago he believed in fighting for a safer world, so that one day he could have a chance to grow a family in it. But now he only fights because he needs a distraction from reality, something to make him forget the agony crippling him from the inside.
He should’ve known better than to believe in fantasies such as growing old with someone; those kinds of things just didn’t exist in their world.
Those hopes of starting a family with the woman he loved had now been diminished, as if those hopes were a fire someone had spilled water over.
It was too painful to dwell on any memories related to her, so he made sure to keep himself busy all the time, that way he never even had the opportunity to dwell on them in the first place.
He worked for hours on end, barely ever taking any breaks. This of course worried the others, resulting in Hange ordering him to go back home and rest.
But he didn’t want to go back home, not when everything reminded him of her.
All the teacups she used to use, the shirts of his she used to sleep in, even that one spot on the couch she always used to sit on; every single thing in that house was attached to her in some way or another.
The worst being his bed: the exact thing Hange was telling him he needed to use in order to maintain his health.
But he couldn’t bear looking at it, not when he could still picture it all so clearly.
The way she used to snuggle up against him, letting her warm body rest against his chest and a soft hand comb through his raven-colored hair.
The way he used to hold her in his arms, peppering her face with gentle kisses to comfort her after a tiresome day in action.
He couldn’t stand looking at that stupid mattress anymore, much less actually sleep on it.
That once warm spot on her side of the bed was now cold, replaced with a sudden emptiness that matched the one in his heart.
So eventually he’d throw it out, replacing it with a new one his wife’s body never touched.
As time went by, he started doing that with everything else too, until there was almost no trace of her beyond the memories that lingered in his mind.
It would take him a while to adjust to living how he used to, that is, before he shared his life with someone else. But eventually, he’d adjust to it, because Levi Ackerman was used to death.
Then again, it was all he’s ever known.
Masterlist
This prompt is dedicated to my precious friend @thebadbatch Hope you enjoyed this and hope I didn’t make you cry too much haha, love youuu❤️
Also sorry I haven’t been as active guys, I’ve been SUPER BUSY with college, my job, and other personal things. But I’m trying my best to finish everything you’re wanting me to. Hopefully you all won’t have to wait too much longer <3
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