#then overtime (personally) grim had just really grown on you

[crystallizsch]

i really like how canonically yuu is genuinely supportive of grim wanting to be a great mage. if i recall correctly, even character voice lines point this out. and it seems like yuu dotes on grim a lot and defends him too??? yuu even encourages grim's ambitions whenever he declares wanting to be a great mage. and also when he does that boss-henchhuman dynamic. i mean yeah you can interpret it as yuu saying that being condescending and sarcastic as if they're talking to a child saying "when i grow up i want to be famous!" but like. i really think they're genuine when mc loves grim in their own way.

even if grim is usually a menace, he's become like family to yuu.

and i'm pretty sure grim feels the same way.

think about it this way. despite all the mess, all the unpredictability, the danger, and all the drama being in nrc. what's always the constant? yuu goes home at the end of the day to the ramshackle dorm (basically their home at this point considering they slowly but surely fix it up over time) and with who? “the great mage” grim. as the sole outcasts in that academy, they both sleep soundly knowing they will always have each other at the end of the day.

[dukethomas]

Summary: Duke’s parents recover and come home. Written for Duke Week 2021 Day Six: Family Bonding.

I was going to write something angstier for this prompt, but it actually turned into just the comfort part of hurt/comfort. Sometimes I need a good cry about something good happening to characters I love.

Also read it here on AO3!

-

His parents were back.

His parents were back, and Duke could cry and cry and cry forever. He sobbed into his mom’s shoulder for who knows how long when he saw them. His mom pat his back—he was taller than her now—and murmured to him, “It’s okay, baby bird. We’re here.”

The use of the nickname he hadn’t heard since he was in elementary school made him sob harder.

His mom and his dad were, were okay, their mouths weren’t contorted into unnatural grins and they didn’t carry that gleam of hatred and they said they were so sorry and they loved him so much and wow, hadn’t he grown up so much—he turned out to be the spitting image of his mother, didn’t he think?

Duke didn’t think he’d ever stop crying.

“I missed you,” he blubbered. “I missed you every day, I swear, I tried so hard to find a cure or something—”

His dad smiled at him, softly, tears in the corners of his eyes. “And you did. We’re right here, Duke. You brought us back.”

He had to call Jay to pick them up, because his parents no longer had licenses and Duke didn’t trust his hands to not shake in the full force of his joy.

-

In the days that followed, Duke didn’t go out as the Signal. How could he? This all felt like a fever dream; he’d been wanting this for so long. If he didn’t spend every waking moment with his parents, he feared they could revert back to what they were, and it would be a dream after all.

Jay took a few days off of work, and Duke called in sick for a few days at school. The Thomas family glowed with genuine grins, because they were whole. They spent the time catching his mom and dad up on what they missed, and having fun playing games or going out the rest of the time. To his dad’s chagrin, Duke had gotten much better at chess, but no one could beat his mom at Monopoly.

Then life came crashing down around them. Jay had to go to work, Duke had to go back to school, and his parents needed to begin a new chapter of their lives. Unbeknownst to Jay and his parents, Duke skipped his first day back at school to chase down a string of thefts he’d read about in the news.

He could never stay away from Signal for long. Gotham needed him, needed all the help it could get.

It wasn’t a difficult case, by any means. Mad Hatter was about as subtle as a barge. Still, Duke embraced the thrill of hunting them down, as the trail of clues led him right towards a newly opened costume store, Wonderland Haberdashery.

Again. Subtle as a barge.

“What are we waiting for?” a man dressed as a giant white rabbit complained.

The dormouse next to him shushed him loudly. She hissed, “The boss’ signal.”

Duke took that as his cue. He launched into action, running forward with a well-timed punch to the rabbit’s face. “You’ve got one right here.” (Those jokes never got old.)

He let himself loose, using all of his training as well as his own metahuman power to demolish his way through the storybook-themed goons. He couldn’t fight the grin on his face; he was having too much fun. His heart reached a thunderous frenzy in his ears and he loved every second of it. These guys couldn’t touch him.

When the time came to knock out Jervis Tetch himself, Duke obliged with glee. He’d just finished tying him to the wall when his phone buzzed with a notification.

It was three, school was over, and he should be heading home. His parents should be home.

His parents were home. It still felt surreal.

He ran into Jay’s apartment and kicked off his shoes faster than he ever had when doing a superheroic change of clothes.

“Hey Mom! Hey Dad! I’m home!” he called. When he heard no response, a chill went down his spine, and he rushed to the living room. There, his parents sat on the couch, fixated on the TV. The news channel was on, talking about an altercation at—oh.

It was talking about him.

“That’s you,” his mom said without turning back to look at him.

A wad of bile as large as a stone formed in his throat. He knew Bruce probably had contingencies for if anyone guessed his identity. Deny it, prove that he was in school, get a shapeshifter to pose as Signal in the same room as him. But he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Yeah.” He couldn’t, he wouldn’t lie to his parents. “Are you upset?”

He’d imagined this scenario many times. What would his parents say about his vigilantism? He was risking his life every time he was out there, and no parent would want that, but he was helping Gotham. He was helping Gotham’s people, just like they had taught him to do.

“Let me take a look at you,” his mom told him, beckoning him towards the couch. Duke listened, sitting in between his mom and dad. His mom cupped his face with her rough hands, and he leaned into the touch. “It’s dangerous,” she murmured; Duke squeezed his eyes shut.

A firm arm reached around his shoulders, holding him tight. His dad. “But you’re happy,” he said.

Duke nodded, his chin trembling.

They dwelled in a moment’s pause, until he was being hugged from both sides. Duke opened his eyes to see his parents with faint smiles. “We couldn’t be there for you,” said his mom, “but you found yourself.”

“I did,” Duke whispered, crying for the millionth time this week. “I did.”

“We’re so, so unbelievably proud of the person you’ve grown up to be, baby bird. We just wish… we just wish we could have been here to see it happen.”

-

His parents laid down some ground rules. No more skipping school unless he had all his assignments done and he had straight A’s. He had to be home for dinner, and after sundown he was off his shift. He could join night shift with the other Bats only twice a week in a limited capacity, and he had to go to sleep before midnight on school nights. And he would tell Jay his secret.

That had been the hardest one. Duke could barely get the words out, suddenly filled with shame for not telling Jay earlier.

But as it turned out, Jay already suspected it. “I’m no genius, but you’re disappearing constantly. I can never find you. Wayne takes you out of Gotham all the time. That’s not just an internship, Duke.” His jaw hardened. “But don’t think that I’m going to be the cool cousin now and let you break any of those new rules your parents set. Safety first.”

Duke rolled his eyes and hugged him. “Love you, man.”

“Love you too, rascal.”

He had to let Bruce know. He’d been keeping in touch with Bruce throughout all of this, but sparingly. He got the vibe that Bruce was keeping his distance out of respect for him and his parents.

Well, no more of that. Duke shot off a text to Bruce to let him know he was coming, then pocketed his phone. “Hey, Mom? Dad? You wanna ride with me on my motorcycle to Wayne Manor?”

He wouldn’t have actually done it (it was too big of an identity risk), but it was worth it to see his parents’ briefly stunned looks before his dad started chasing him with a noogie at the ready.

Jay drove them all to Wayne Manor. His mom and dad walked out of the car tentatively, scrutinizing their surroundings. Duke fidgeted with his shirt, wondering what they thought. For all intents and purposes, this was his home, if only for a little over a year.

Duke rang the doorbell, ready to greet Alfred, but it was Bruce who opened the door for once. The way he held himself struck Duke. It wasn’t extravagant and flighty like Brucie, nor grim and tense like Batman. Duke’s family were some of the very few to see Bruce Wayne as he really was, without a persona.

“You took Duke in while we were… unavailable,” his mom said before Bruce could say hello.

“Yes,” replied Bruce calmly, wearing something on his face Duke didn’t often see. Vulnerability. Anxiety .

His dad held out his hand. “Doug Thomas. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of our boy.”

“It was a pleasure.” Bruce shook Duke’s dad’s hand. “Duke was a delight to mentor and guide. I’m glad he has you both back.”

Duke grinned. “He says I’m a delight but he didn’t think so every time I snuck out of the Manor to track down a lead.”

“You were supposed to be on bed rest.”

“And I rested, in a bed, after I solved the case! I do it every night when I sleep—that’s working overtime on bed rest, Bruce.”

“And you won’t be pulling any of that with us, young man,” his mom told him in a stern tone.

Duke quickly made his eyes as wide, pleading, and innocent as possible. He would never, he was about to say, when Bruce told them to come in.

“A better man than I expected him to be,” his dad said once Bruce had moved far enough he wouldn't hear. His mom hummed in agreement. “And Duke, you felt safe with him?”

Duke snorted. “Define safe.”

“Smartass,” Jay muttered, behind the three of them. He’d been through the tour already. He had a begrudging respect for Bruce, but he wasn’t impressed.

“And who taught me to do that, ever since I was a little kid?”

Duke yelped as he dodged a smack from Jay. “I’m fragile, don’t hurt me!”

“You’re not fragile,” said the amused voice coming from down the hall. Cass, here because Duke asked her to be. Because he wanted his family to meet his family.

“Oh! Mom, Dad, Jay, this is Cass.” He dragged them over to meet her. “She’s like… she’s my sister.”

Cass nodded, observing Duke’s family. “Good to meet you.”

At his parents’ confused glance, he told them, “When you were gone, I made new friends, but I also found new family. Cass isn’t your daughter or Jay’s cousin, but she’s my sister.” In his chest, he felt a weight alleviate, one he hadn’t even been aware of. “Wait until you meet Damian. Remember how I always wanted a baby brother when I was a kid, but you guys kept telling me that I was enough of a handful?”

As he kept introducing his parents to the family he made, he felt a warmth grow within him, tickling his ribs, infecting his lungs. It was like he couldn’t do anything but beam from ear to ear, now that he had almost everyone important in his life gathered together. (He would introduce them to Izzy, Riko, and the rest of the Robins soon.)

His family had been shattered, but Duke had picked up the pieces and created something new. And it could never be the way it was, but that was okay. Duke was happy with his family the way it was now.

His parents were home; all his family was home. Duke couldn’t be happier.

[inkjackets]

Family Isn’t Always Blood

written for @e-milieeee cause she wanted to see nino giving gabe what he deserves (and so did i akaskklsk) just a heads up though, this turned out A LOT angstier than i originally planned 

Wonder and awe shone in Marinette’s face, and Alya took in everything with a reporter’s keen curiosity, but Nino could only stand in silence and scowl as he watched his best friend pose for the cameras.

Adrien had, despite the wishes of his father, invited them all to one of his photoshoots. It was supposed to be a fun experience for all of them — and for Marinette and Alya, it clearly was. But Nino was struggling. 

Because he was realising just how torturous photoshoots truly were, and that was on top of his best friend already being shattered.

For with his forced smile and twisted posture that he expertly made effortless, Adrien fooled the cameras but couldn’t fool Nino. Nino saw the extreme effort etched into the lines of his smile and the dark depth of the shadows under his eyes — shadows, which no amount of makeup could hide. Nino had even pointed it out to one of the makeup artists, but she had waved her hand dismissively and said they’d edit it in post, and Nino had only been able to stare at her, appalled. 

The director called for a break. Marinette started chatting animatedly with a designer who was preparing Adrien’s next outfit, and Alya wasted no time bombarding a poor cameraman with questions. Nino headed over to check on his friend. 

Adrien smiled at him and Nino returned it half-heartedly, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he eyed the exhaustion eating away at his friend.

‘Dude,’ he said quietly, ‘I really don’t think you should be working this hard.’

And Adrien gave him that small sad smile that Nino had grown to resent. For it symbolised everything he hated about Gabriel and Adrien’s home life. 

‘Thanks for your concern, Nino,’ Adrien said. ‘Really, it means a lot to me. But I’m—’

‘Don’t,’ Nino said, grimacing. ‘Man, don’t say you’re used to it.’

Adrien’s smile slipped. He averted his gaze. Reluctant regret crept onto his face, and Nino’s shoulder’s slumped.

‘Listen, I know my father isn’t—’ Adrien bit his lip. ‘He just wants—’ he cut himself off again. He gazed up with a pained expression. ‘He’s my father,’ he said quietly.

‘Exactly,’ Nino said, just as quiet.

Adrien looked at him, and Nino let his unspoken accusation stretch out between them: No father should treat their son like this.

Adrien rubbed his face with his hands and sighed. ‘It’s not that simple,’ he whispered.

Nino put his hand on Adrien’s shoulder and forced him to look into his eyes, ‘I know. But I’m here for you.’ He gestured at Marinette and Alya who both grinned back and waved. ‘We’re all here for you.’

Adrien started to smile, but then his eyes latched onto something over Nino’s shoulder and the blood drained from his face. Nino turned and a chill went through him as he laid eyes on Gabriel Agreste striding towards them.

‘F-Father,’ Adrien stammered as his father pulled up close. ‘What are you doing here?’

Gabriel didn’t say anything. Nino shoved his hands into his pockets and drew himself upright, trying to put out a nonchalant yet confident air. 

 Nathalie pulled out her tablet and held it out to them. They both looked and saw an Instagram post from one of the crew members — a selfie, with Adrien and Nino in the background.

Gabriel cleared his throat and they both whipped their heads to him. ‘This photograph was brought to my attention and I saw, Adrien, that you were in…’ Gabriel slowly turned his head towards Nino, ‘…unsavoury company.’

Nino stared at Gabriel and imagined a thousand knives penetrating his skull.

Adrien stiffened. ‘Nino’s my friend,’ he said, ice in his tone. 

‘He’s a bad influence,’ Gabriel said coldly. Nino clenched his fists and Adrien trembled with outrage. ‘I won’t tell you to stay away from him again. Now get back to your shoot. We don’t want it to run overtime.’

Adrien didn’t move. 

Nino glanced back and forth between Adrien and his father. As much as he wanted to get involved, it was Adrien’s fight first.

‘Adrien!’ his father ordered.

‘No,’ Adrien said quietly. Nino smiled.

‘Excuse me?’

Adrien lifted his gaze, but instead of looking at his father he looked at Nino, who nodded at him in support. 

‘I won’t continue the photoshoot. Not without Nino.’

‘Adrien,’ Gabriel began, voice low and dangerous, ‘You know I have only your best interests at heart when I—‘

‘Bullshit,’ Nino muttered. There was a moment of silence as his interruption sank in. Adrien laughed in disbelief.

‘What did you say?’ Gabriel asked, his voice terrifyingly quiet.

Nino’s heart pounded. He met Gabriel’s gaze with an intense one of his own. ‘Bull—’ he repeated, enunciating every letter, —‘shit.’

Gabriel’s jaw clenched. A nerve twitched in his temple. ‘Adrien if you continue to hang around with this sort of company I’ll have no choice but to remove you from that school.’

‘No,’ Adrien whispered, eyes widening with terror.

Rage flared in Nino’s gut. ‘You can’t do that!’ he cried. 

‘Young man, I have had enough of your interruptions! You are the last person who can tell me what I can and can’t do with my son. You’re a waste of my time and, quite frankly, your association with my son taints the Agreste name—

WHAM!

Nino slammed his fist into Gabriel Agreste’s face and sent him stumbling back into the set, where he crashed into a camera stand and tripped over a load of wires, bringing a pair of studio lights down on top of him in a flurry of sparks. 

Nino let out a burst of laughter before he could stop himself. Giddy elation and disbelief at himself made him feel slightly delirious. 

Adrien’s grim expression made him sober up though. The smallest bit of guilt ran through him; he hadn’t meant to cause that much chaos. Yet Adrien made no move to help his father. So neither did he.

They both watched as various crew members helped Gabriel detangle and pull the lights off him.

‘How dare you!’ Gabriel raged as he scrambled to his feet, throwing off the crew who were helping him. ‘Do you see my point, Adrien? This is precisely the type of behaviour I don’t want you to be around!’

‘Yeah,’ Adrien said, smiling wide with pain and disillusionment. ‘I see your point.’ He grabbed Nino’s wrist and pulled him. ‘Let’s go.’ Nino thought he saw tears in Adrien’s eyes. 

‘Adrien?’ Gabriel yelled. ‘Adrien!’

Nino glanced back as Adrien dragged him, taking vicious pleasure at the sight of Gabriel looking so dishevelled; standing in shock and disbelief with blood dripping from his nose. The memory would stick with him forever.

As soon as they were out the door, though, Nino’s smile slipped as Adrien’s breathing became uneven and his footsteps quickened. His hand clenched tighter and tighter around Nino’s wrist.

‘Woah, dude,’ Nino said, forcing Adrien to stop. ‘What’s u—oh.’

Nino took one look at Adrien’s crumbling facade before he pulled him in and embraced him. Adrien gripped Nino back tight and grimaced as he fought down his sobs.

‘I’m proud of you, man,’ Nino said quietly. Adrien burst into tears. Sobs wracked his body and his breath hitched in his throat. And Nino simply held him as he grieved for the loss of the father he thought he'd had.

‘I’m so proud of you.’

[happy-pencil]

You somehow managed to fascinate him.

The VDC was only a few days away, and working with a tight schedule didn’t make putting up with Grim or any or your classes easier. You were always overworking yourself and he thought you could use a break from the stress. You always put others before yourself, which frustrated Floyd to no end.

Nevertheless, he always seemed to admire how much of a hard worker you were. Where he would sometimes laze about, knowing the material previous before always doing his tasks half-heartily- you would do your due diligence with everything you had, even if you didn’t know anything at all. You were whisked away from your world, but that didn’t stop your curiosity about his own from expanding.

In his eyes and in the words of his mother, it required strength to show no pain or fear in the face of adversity. But Floyd could’ve only imagine the kind of pain you were in this given situation. It felt too similar to when he and Jade came up to land for the first time.

He hated it.

But yet had grown to love land overtime with the little patience he had. So it was much of a surprise to him when he caught you practicing your dancing for the upcoming VDC.

He had just gotten off from the Monstro Lounge that night. He didn’t feel like making dinner for himself and he really wasn’t in the mood to be lectured from Azul for being three hours late to his shift. He needed to be left alone to be with his thoughts completely. And what better way to do that than shooting some hoops in the gym, he thought. Not that he would’ve wanted to swim the the aquarium in the lounge, he just wanted to play basketball that moment.

He quickly put on his gym wear, said his peace to both Jade and Azul- who tried to stop Floyd- and made his way to the gymnasium. As he made his way closer to the building, he could hear music blaring throughout, making him annoyed.

He wanted the gym for himself!

 Fiercely, Floyd was about to pry open the gym doors and scare away the poor anemones off the floor-

Until he heard someone singing.

Pausing, the anger and annoyance that he had previously felt turned into one of curiosity. He stood at the door between him and the person behind the door and put his ear next to it.

The melodic flows of this guppy’s voice swayed ever so gracefully to its song, making the song feel natural to whoever was singing. The pitch of their tone ever going an octave up before bringing it back to its soft-low vibrato. The amount of emotion and passion could’ve almost been enough to make Floyd feel raw.

He decides to crack open the door just slightly to see the singer’s face.

He saw nobody that he didn’t knew, but only you dancing and swaying carefully and beautifully to the song. Floyd made the connect that you were practicing for the VDC that was in a few weeks time.

He also noticed how relaxed you were in that moment. He never gets to see his Koebi-Chan act so calm and, well, happy. Seeing you in this state made him smile from ear to ear.

A thought then came to mind that he should go in the gym and give you a good squeeze for all of your hard work. Or perhaps even bust down the door seperating you two and sing & dance to the song to his heart’s content. Or maybe-

He paused.

He wouldn’t do anything.

He wasn’t in the mood to really do anything, let alone bother you with whatever you were doing. And he was pretty sure you would like some peace yourself. So without a second thought he gently closed the door infront of him and made his way back to Octavinelle, with that goofy smile of his.

Jade would ask him later about it, but he would tell him that somebody was already using the gym.

You always managed to facinate him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day of the VDC had arrived, and Floyd was much eager to see you after you had performed your solo infront of the students of both NRC and RSA. To your dissappointment, you had lost to another student from RSA, who (in your opinion) sang lazily and danced rather sloppily. It made you sick to think that no matter what, there would’ve always been a bias to RSA. But you knew that you would’ve won had it not been the case. You were proud to even get this far.

You were just getting changed out of your outfit when you heard knocking at the door infront of your changing room. A loud “Koebi-Chan!” couldve been heard, which left you startled and flustered. Calming down, you told Floyd you would be out in a moment after you had changed.

Five minutes have passed and you greet Floyd at the door. You were about to ask what he was doing here before being smothered in a bouquet that he had picked out and bought just for you. Surprised, you asked Floyd about the bouquet, to which he only gave you a giggle and a smug grin.

You both had engaged in small talk for a few more moments before you were told by the staff to get ready to leave your room in a few minutes for the post-party. Floyd had told you that he would be waiting outside of your room to escort you out to the party. Before you closed the door on him, he stopped the door with his foot, which made you look up at him in concern.

He grinned before leaning down to your much smaller form and whispered few but rare words;

“You facinate me, (Y/n)-chan.”

*************************************************

[ruvatia]

Hello, could I have a James x Reader where the reader returns with the Paladins? And he doesn't know its them until they take off there helmet and he's just - 'Wah, I thought you died??'

this is long ghhfgfghhfnf

I also can’t finish oneshots like a normal person im so sorry lmao

----

A BUNCH OF ONES AND A ZERO

word count: 1k

----

When you talked about your fantasies for returning home with Hunk, none of them were this grim and bleak. Earth was more green and lively than grey and galra-occupied. You had even gone as far as to believe that maybe some of your old crushes would notice you if you came back a war space hero support, that mom and dad would finally be happy with you and a bunch of other things.

You were glad that nobody could see your face after you put on your helmet, because you were positive that the team would be able to see you sweating your anxiety out. At this point you weren’t sure if you were crying or not. At least this glass in front of your face doesn’t get fogged up.

Back on earth all you did was write really shitty programs and slap them onto whatever was around: a social media platform barely anyone used, robots, etc. Eventually your skills had gotten you into the mechanics program at the Garrison, but after having locked yourself up for so long with code and weird creations, it was hard to connect to other people. Thankfully there had been a few oddheads that even back then, accepted you the same way your family eventually did. Leifsdottir and Kinkade were two, the blonde girl being the only one you’ve ever lost to in math. Kinkade had never been talkative, but you learned to enjoy the silences you shared overtime. 

Up in space, you had been the go-to hacker. Pidge and you had written multiple programs together and your efficiency only got better every time a Holt was added into the mix. For the coalition and rebellion, you took care of synching up their intel together once they first allied themselves and multiple times where they were close enough to retrieve information from key galra bases, you were there. 

But that was up in space, now you’re back on earth trying to accept the fact that your home planet was Galra-occupied. Drones and sentries roamed dust and ash covered cities that in your memory were full of life and people. You walked in the middle of their line and at the moment Lance screamed to take cover, Keith took you by the waist and pulled you under an overturned car. You spared a look at each other’s way before you pulled up a screen in front of you as he turned to Lance, telling him not to miss. After being rid of a few, he spoke up in their communications.

“Pidge, any chance that we could see those things before they could see us?”

“Already on it.” the brunette replied. “Looks like there’s four more heading our way.”

You examined the downed drone and noticed something in its wiring. 

“Wait, Pidge,” you said, coming closer to the drone. “These things--”

Before you could finish your sentence, Keith once again grabbed you and pulled you behind a rock, as Shiro informed the team that it wasn’t just drones this time. 

The Sentries themselves were no problem, but in the middle of the fight a familiar looking vehicle slammed one into a building, two humans emerging from it and shooting down the remaining drones.

“We got this!” a female voice shouted, while another shot the last drone hanging above Keith.

“I had it.” he quipped, making the soldier with an attack rifle snap back.

“Drones send out distress signals when they’re under attack. Our weapons neutralize those. So unless you want to deal with a swarm of those things, let us handle it.”

His voice was familiar, but at the same time you’d heard many voices while you were away from home. Maybe he sounded like someone you’d grown close to in the rebel forces?

In the vehicle, everyone slowly started shedding their helmets, all safe for you.

“Hey, aren’t you going to take that off?” Keith spoke, a hand on your shoulder.

“These regulate temperature, I’m good.” you replied nervously, making him frown in reply.

“Are you not feeling well?”

You put your index fingers together and shrank in your seat. As you spoke, Keith removed his hand from your shoulder.

“Oh you know, the crushing anxiety that maybe my family may or may not be safe. The usual.”

Keith had been nice to you since his return. You liked this new version of him, he was less prickly than he was before he left. Granted there were moments where he reverted back to what he was before you all were stuck on this space adventure together, but overall he’d slid back into the group after a whole 2 years of absence (for him at least) as if he never left. Out of all the paladins, he had been the hardest one to approach but knowing that the way you treasured him as a teammate was reciprocated right back was nice.

Arriving at the base, Shiro helped both you and Allura dismount the garrison vehicle. At the call of officer Iverson, you hid behind Shiro as he introduced earth’s Altean allies, thankfully going unnoticed as he focused on Keith right after. Or so you thought, because after Coran warned him about Kosmos’ powers he straightened like a rod with a cough. After giving the beast one last scratch behind the ears, he noticed that there had yet to be one soldier with their helmet on.

“Officer, it seems like there’s still one member of your team you’ve yet to introduce to me.”

“Who? Oh.”

The older man took you by the small of your back, basically telling you that there was no escape.

“They used to be a cadet here as well. I’m sure you’ll remember them once they properly greet you.”

With a sigh, you removed your helmet and straightened yourself for a salute.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again sir.” you spoke, you voice as steady as you could manage.

A vehicle away, another brunette replied to your greeting with wide eyes.

“She’s alive? She’s been alive this whole time?”

Keith felt James’ focus on you from afar and turned his way, noting his bewilderment. As Iverson called for Shiro to follow, the soldier came your way and turned you to face him by the shoulder, the action earning a small yelp from you.

“Hi James.” you smiled nervously, your hands clutching onto your helmet for dear life. 

“H… Hi.” he answered back, as if he was still processing that you were standing in front of him. “You, uh…”

Keith put between the two of you, glaring James down.

“Something you need?”

[rubik-ashala]

Let Alucard have nice things!

This doubles as both a headcanon description and a rant so here goes:

I just got done watching the 3rd season of Castlevania and I am not happy. I have two things two say about it. This contains spoilers for the series so you have been warned.

First complaint and observation:

Did anybody get the feeling that the show was supposed to end after the second season but didn't? That everything was wrapped up nicely, Dracula was dead, the big world destruction war was halted, we were shown what the trio would be doing after everything etc. Like it was meant to end there but then a conversation like this happened:

Castlevania team: And that’s a wrap everybody! The good guys took down Dracula in an epic fight, the world was saved, Job Done! Time to move on to new things.

Shareholders, producers, etc: Uhh, actually we already signed you up for a 3rd season. So you might want to get on that.

Castlevania Team: What! But we weren't prepared for a third season! The whole plot is wrapped up! What are we supposed to do?

Shareholders, producers, etc: Don’t know but you better get to figuring it out.

Castlevania: I guess we will just game of thrones it terribly then and hope we make it through.

Because that is what it felt like happened. There seemed to be no overarching plot, just four separate ones and only two of them is even remotely together. They take two side characters Issac and Hector and give them there own plotlines. Issac gets the Denarius treatment for no real reason other than to seemingly follow in Dracula’s footsteps and Hector gets dragged to Camilla’s realm because, she needs a forge master to grow an army so she can take over what has been fractured. They split up the trio, suddenly giving Serphia and Trevor a romantic relationship with little to nothing building up to it and throw them in a quest to keep Dracula from coming back after some crazy monks due some occult doctor who style shenanigans to open a portal to other worlds. And while that is going on, Alucard aka Adrian Tepes gets left alone guarding his fathers now broken castle and the Belmont’s treasure trove for months after everything has happened.

Which flows into my Second point:

Alucard got done dirty in the third season!

We watch as Alucard deals with the mental repercussions of what he did, alone. We watch as he deals with the loneliness of being out in the middle of nowhere alone for months with none to talk too. And we see the toll it is taking on him albeit comedically. 

Then the siblings come in. 

They come to him for help and education on fighting vampires back in their homeland, something that Alucard is more than happy to help with. One, because he has company again and Two, passing on the knowledge to the new generation seemed fitting.

During the time they stay he grows fond of them and they him. You see them training and horsing around, eating meals together and other wholesome shenanigans.

You get to see a conversation where the sibling talk about how they notice how lonely he has been and how they believe he stays out here to punish himself and maybe they should do something for him before they move on. And it’s all like “aww that is so sweet!”

Then you see Alucard trying to sleep and failing miserably in his bed. Even so far as wondering if he should get a coffin to sleep in. Then you see the siblings show up in the door way and begin walking towards him in the bed saying , in a very sultry voice, how alone he must have been, how he should deserve a reward, ectera. Followed by them getting all hot and steamy with him.

 The scene makes a point to show how much Alucard is enjoying this attention, and how happy it is making him. Your watching it and it’s like “Maybe it's gonna be one of those fond memories he will be able to look back on after their gone.” or “Maybe they will become some Badass monster hunting thruple and Alucard wont be alone anymore.”

Nope! Not today in my Grim Dark Gothic Fantasy World!

They instead, after giving Alucard the night of his life, put these metal cuffs on him that shoot out a bunch of ropes that tie him in classic Jesus on a cross position and then proceed to try and kill him. 

Why?

Because the were under the belief he was lying and holding things back from them, and in particular about the castle not being able to move. And they were tired of being lied to.

Luckily for Alucard they didn't realize his sword could move on its own and they weren’t alive for much longer because of it but...Really?

Why? Why do this to him?

He lost his mother to a witch hunt, he had to kill his own father and now this? All in little over a year? What the Hell man!?

Let the Dhampire have nice things! He deserves better than this!

So, I made a headcannon to soothe me angry brain.

I took a fantasy race of mine that was inspired by the Crusnics of Trinity Blood and added them in to Castlevania. In Particular one specific one.

Name: Floki 

Age: Around Adrian’s age give or take a few months.

Hair: Black

Eyes: Mismatched blue/green

Height: About the same as Adrien’s perhaps a little taller.

Personality: Mischevious, HArdworking, Loves deeply, Fiercly but wisely protective, loves to work with his hands, loves to learn more about the world and how it works. Deeply fond of Adrian even though he hasn’t seen him in a few years. Also, a smidge psychotic, but just a smidge.

Floki is part of a race of beings referred to as “The Old Ones”. They are a race similar in habit to the Vampire but they feed off vampires, night creatures and other supernatural beings over humans. They are immensely powerful, even at young ages and have been rumored to be the source of some of the gods of Ancient Mythology. 

Floki’s father (Yet named)  was Dracula’s mentor and where he got much of his scientific knowledge from in his early years. They became friends during his teaching and even after parting ways, would still occasionally see each other every few half centuries or so to trade information and chat.

During this time, Floki’s father was desperately trying to have children of his own and failing. At one point believing that he was sterile and unable to father children. Something Dracula knew as well and so hid Lisa’s pregnancy from him for fear of making his sadness worse.

However, a few months later, It was revealed that his current love was with child and Floki was born accompanied by much drunken Norse revelry.

When the two men met again a few years later, Floki was brought with his father to show to Dracula that he finally had a child. A moment where Dracula also revealed his son and Where Floki met Adrian.

Floki showed Adrian what it was like to play and horse around. They would play pretend out in the woods, get dirty, skin thier knees, the works. And where one was, you would find the other close by.

The visits between the two powerful men became more frequent due to the boys wish to see each other, not that the parents minded all that much.

Over time Floki’s affection for Adrian would change and deepen. His longing to stay by his friends side would get stronger and one fateful afternoon when Adrian got hurt, FLoki would realize how he had fallen in love with him.

Adrian would never know this however, due to Floki’s unstable powers at the time, his sub par control of his hunger and the fear of hurting him.

As they got older, and partly to the above, their visits to see each other would lessen and by the time they were full grown, had stopped entirely. 

That is until Floki Heard of Lisa’s death at the hands of the church.

Even with his incredible power to teleport far distances it took him several months to reach Wallachia. He didn’t seek out Adrian immediately though, too curious to see the truth of what happened.

Each of “The Old Ones” Has a unique skill that is developed and evolved over time, according to personality, interest, skill and homeland. Due to Floki’s curiosity, his love for history and his desire to see how it all works together, he developed what he liked to call, memory recall.

His skill allowed him to see memories of the past through people, objects or locations where something that evoked strong emotional or magical reactions in the area happened. And if there was no such thing, if the event was more recent, if he had access to people that were there and stood on the location, he could see and feel the event as if he lived it.

Lisa’s death held him up in an inn for several days trying to chase the feeling of flames on  his skin. Dracula’s anger and grief laid him up for even longer as he cried himself sick. 

Gregit was better though, seeing the man who did the deed getting called out by a demon and then eaten gave him a bit of satisfaction.

Briela was fascinating though. He had to meet whomever managed to capture the ever moving castle.

By the Time Floki would arrive at the now defunk castle and underground hold, the siblings bodies are already outside on pikes.

This doesn't scare him away of course, and to find out why they were there he uses his memory recall. Where he sees through there eyes what they did to Adrian, albeit a little fuzzy. But is able to hear what the twins were thinking in that moment and see, just for a short time, Adrian tied to the bed afraid and hurt.

This causes him to snap his fingers and cause the corpses to burst into flames.

An action that draws Adrian’s attention causing a little bit of a fight before they recognize each other.

Over the next while Adrian allows Floki to stay and fix the castle as well as the Belmont estate and work towards getting the transportation engine online again. Eventually. 

Overtime, all of Floki’s feelings come back with a vengeance and he gives as much attention and TLC to Adrian as he allows. Eventually getting Adrian to allow him close enough to see though his memory what the siblings had done to him

A scene that will either start a few revelations with both Adrian and FLoki or lead to a very steamy situation. Possibly both.

But it all ends in Adrian getting all the Love and TLC that man deserves after the hell he was put through.

I just hope they aren’t trying to set him up to become an antagonist later... 

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Novel - Epilogue Two: “And After, Jack & Zhao Zi”

~2,500 words 

*Warnings for this chapter: SMUT AHEAD. Okay I think I’ve said a lot regarding the ridiculous-ness of this chapter, but honestly, I wouldn’t recommend reading this chapter AT ALL. Zhao Zi and Shao Fei are a little OOC in this one I feel, and there are so many logical loopholes. It starts off well and we get some Jack backstory which is quite nice, but then it all goes downhill from there. There’s the who tops who bottoms discourse, and there’s kind of.. questionable consent? Not exactly dub-con but ZZ is drunk as hell. And the sex scene is NOT written well, but I mean to be fair not every writer can write smut, including me. Translation is even worse I’m so sorry. You’ll know what I mean if you read it but I hope you don’t read this, in case anyone needed the warnings. Comments? 

===

Translation Masterpost can be found here

Disclaimer: Translations are entirely mine and Wei’s - these are not official translations and some phrases have been changed for better English interpretation so you’ll definitely see better/different translations elsewhere. Also keeping in mind when we translated this we aren’t exactly thinking about the style of writing and this translation is as close to the novel as we can make it XD So yes, some parts may be a little awkward to read. And yes some teeny weeny details and words may not turn up in the translation because the Chi to Eng mind acrobatics didn’t work out. If you see asterisks, scroll all the way to the bottom for notes!

Full chapter under the cut

Epilogue Two: “And After, Jack & Zhao Zi”

Jack is lying on the couch, waiting for his lover who hasn’t returned home even though it’s so late after 10pm. However, Jack is also accustomed to waiting up for Zhao Zi.

In the army, the strict regimen of training gave him unimaginable skills. Put nicely, it was to protect the country and its citizens, but put in perspective, he was simply a killing machine trained for a long time under the army. Under his commander’s order he had to kill, the only difference is that when you do it in the name of your country, it’s not considered illegal, but in the end, he was still a machine that simply listened to orders. To live or to die, to be valued or cast aside, this was all dependent on your superiors, and you also had to watch out for what they thought of you.

“How boring,” the man lying on the couch remarked, thinking about his past.

Since he was going to kill anyway, why not let him choose his target? And that was how he left the army and chose the high-risk career path of a mercenary, to be hired by a buyer at high prices, and time after time in each battle, he escaped the grim reaper’s axe.

Jack closes his eyes, breathing in the air in the house.

In the past, the air that he breathed was filled with either smoke and sulphur or the coppery tang of blood leaving a body. Now, around him all he smells is the aroma of food.

Unconsciously, Jack slips into sleep and a dream, but is forced to revisit his past. In his dreams he hears the sound of a bullet being fired from a gun, hears the loud explosions echo, hears the signs of people, one after another, falling and never getting up, hears the sound of blood gushing from a gunshot wound. Just as he thought that he could escape and finally be free.

I really want a place that I can return to, he sighs.

===

Although the sound of the key entering the keyhole and the main door opening is very soft, Jack, an ex-mercenary who is used to being on high alert always, still startles.

Jack’s eyes snap open suddenly, and he looks at his surroundings in a mixture of fear and wariness, until he’s sure that he’s lying on the couch in the living room. Only then does he straighten, his entire back drenched in cold sweat.

“Hehe, you’re not asleep yet?”

The smell of alcohol is strong on Zhao Zi, and holding onto his noisily clinking set of keys, he laughs and looks at his lover, who often waits on the couch for him to come back.

“You had to put in overtime again?”

Zhao Zi’s nose scrunches up as he shakes his head, “No, I went out for drinks with Ah Fei and Jun Wei.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Hnn, I did.”

Zhao Zi removes his shoes and moves over to sit right next to Jack, then leans his entire body against the man’s shoulder. He adjusts himself until he’s most comfortable. 

“Liang Dian, hehe, Fang Liang Dian is so huge.”

Only at this time, acting all cute would Zhao Zi call him by his birth name. Zhao Zi happily reaches out to caress Jack's abdominal muscles.

“Hey! You really have some fetish for this huh?” Jack does not know whether to laugh or cry as he says this, and even though he doesn’t mind being sexually harassed in various forms by the shorty, it feels a little different tonight for some reason.

Why is Zhao Zi’s hand starting to move towards that somewhere?*

Zhao Zi swallows and looks at the area that is beginning to have some reaction with his touch, “It’s hard, huge… and a little hot.”**

“Shorty, are you intending to call in sick to work tomorrow?”

Since Zhao Zi has lit a flame in his body, then he must be mentally prepared to douse the flames out, all night long.

“I want to eat you up!”

Zhao Zi suddenly throws himself towards Jack and Jack, who is unable to react in time, ends up lying on his back on the soft couch.

“Huh?”

Jack looks at his lover, whose face is filled with determination, and allows Zhao Zi to pull up his loose shirt, lie on his chest and begin to lick and suck at his nipples.

The pants coming from Jack makes the person who took the initiative to attack him very satisfied, and so Zhao Zi continues to slide down Jack’s body, kissing Jack’s abdomen, and then he pulls down Jack’s shorts to reveal an already hard member.

“Hey, you can’t really want to top me, right?”

“Hmph!” Zhao Zi immediately glares at Jack, who is sitting up to get a better look at him.

Zhao Zi seems very unhappy that Jack seems to be doubting him. “I’m a guy too, if you can top me, then of course I can top you. What about it? You’re looking down on me, is that it?”***

It’s all Ah Fei’s fault! Earlier when they were drinking, he suddenly grabbed him and asked if Zhao Zi was still a virgin, and in the end in a fit of anger he retorted, “Who the hell’s a virgin, I’ve already done it with Jack!”

Shao Fei only went ‘oh’, and continued, “You may have grown behind, but in the front it’s as if you’re still single.”****

The drunk person holding and teasing the hard member in his hands suddenly starts crying, scaring Jack to the point of falling on his back again on the couch.

“Shorty, what’s up with you?”

Zhao Zi points at his similarly hard member and very loudly says, “Ah Fei says that even if I’ve done it with you, it’s only in the back that I’m not a virgin, but in the front it’s as if I’m still single and a virgin!”

“Pftt…. Hahahahaha!”

Hearing this, Jack can no longer control himself and starts to laugh, hugging his abdomen. Geez, what do these guys usually talk about? What a mess! Jack sighs, thinking about his ex-boss, who’s faced with such an unpredictable lover.

Tang Yi, you’ve got a tough life ahead of you.

Hold on a second! It seems that Jack himself didn’t get any luckier in his choice of partner, if he had to identify someone who was ever more ridiculous than Officer Meng, wouldn’t it exactly be the Zhao Zi kneeling right in front of him right now, the Zhao Zi who wants to ‘top’ him?

Suddenly struck with reality, Jack looks at his shorty with a frown. An opportunity for a prank flashes through his head then.

“Shorty, you really want to ‘pop your cherry’ for your ‘front’ as well?”*****

“Hmph, of course!” Zhao Zi burps, side eyeing Jack.

Jack raises an eyebrow and reaches for Zhao Zi’s chin, and with a strange smile he says, “Okay, I’ll let you ‘hug’ me!”

“Really? I can really eat you up?”

Zhao Zi swallows with excitement, and all that surfaces in his head is the image of this handsome and tall man being on the receiving end.

“Really, but…” Jack squints at Zhao Zi, and pretends to be very embarrassed as he continues, “Once you’ve eaten me, you have to be responsible to me for life.”

“Of course!”

The young officer proudly puffs out his flat chest, and although he does not have any hard and firm pecs, he’s definitely a man of his word, and he will be responsible towards his food…

Eh, that’s not right…

It’s being responsible to his own ‘man’ for the rest of their lives, he definitely will.

In the room

“Jack… hold on… Jack…. Jack...”

Inside the room, illuminated by only a single light, moans and harsh panting echo.

“What’s wrong?”

Jack knows exactly what’s wrong but still asks, holding onto his lover’s waist, and continuing what he was doing earlier.

Zhao Zi, as he pants, asks suspiciously, “Seems like… hah… hah… seems like something is a little… a little wrong.”

“Which part is wrong? Didn’t you want to top me?”

“Yeah.. earlier, earlier… we agreed… That I would… hah… that I would top you…”

“Shorty, aren’t you on top of me right now?”

“Hnn… nnn… yeah… yeah… ah…”

“Then that’s correct, I’ll continue to let you ‘top’ me then!”

What a cunning smile, as Jack says things that make his face flame.

“Okay… okay…. I, I’ll continue… continue to top you… if it hurts… ha-ah… you have to tell me…”

Zhao Zi imitates the way Jack is always so considerate of his feelings when they’re having sex, and repeats these reminders to Jack. Right now, if someone took out a magical mirror and put it in front of Jack, they would surely be able to see the fox tail behind him swinging from side to side.

“Okay!”

Jack, whose scheming plan succeeded, continues to embrace the shorty he loves so much, eating the drunk police officer so clean he doesn’t even leave any bones behind.

“Ah-”

Jack inserts his hard member upwards into Zhao Zi’s opening, and because of the way that Zhao Zi is sitting across Jack’s laps, the depth at which he penetrates Zhao Zi is even greater than usual. Every thrust accurately hits Zhao Zi’s prostate, and with each thrust, Zhao Zi finds it increasingly difficult to stop himself from making any sounds. Passionate moans sound in the room that belongs solely to them both.

“Ah- Jack… It feels so good… so good… Jack…”

“Me too,” Jack says through gritted teeth, enjoying the sensation of his cock being squeezed in a vice with satisfaction, “It feels very good for me too.”

“Then I’ll… Then I’ll continue… to top you…”******

Zhao Zi repeats the movement that Jack taught him previously. Every time he moves up he squeezes his muscles and tightens up, while relaxing every time he sits back down on Jack’s member.

“Oh god- Shorty you… you… ah...ah…”

Even though it was him who taught Zhao Zi all these tricks in bed, Jack forgot just how much Zhao Zi affects him. Usually, Jack already gets so excited when Zhao Zi responds to him without doing anything special, not to mention a Zhao Zi actually putting everything he knows to good use right now - Zhao Zi is completely messing up his rhythm.

“Ah-hah, Jack… Does this… feel… good?”

“Damn it!” the man who’s quickly losing control curses.

This is no longer an issue of whether it feels good, but a matter of him reaping what he sowed as he’s getting just what he asked for.

Oh god! It’s so tight there!

Cumming prematurely is the greatest blow to a man’s pride, well, that’s alright, it looks like his pride is quickly, almost…

“Ah- hah-”

Jack thrusts upwards into Zhao Zi with all the strength he has, then releases into his lover’s body.

Zhao Zi looks at the man lying and panting on the bed, and a satisfied smile tugs at his lips.

“Hehe, you actually came earlier than me,”

Wow, so the one who’s in charge of ‘topping’ the other does last longer! Every time they had sex before this it was always Zhao Zi who came first, and who expected that he could see Jack’s expression like this, post-orgasm?

Zhao Zi looks at his lover’s face, and makes a weird sound.

“What’re you looking at?” Jack glares at the man who’s sitting on him, pissed off.

“Jack…. What should I do?”

“What is it?”

“I think I…” Zhao Zi says honestly, “I’ve fallen more in love with you.”

Every time he sees an expression on Jack that he’s never seen before, he finds himself falling in love with Jack again. Is this normal? Or is it abnormal?

After receiving a confession so suddenly, Jack smiles and asks, “The next time you drink again, I’ll let you ‘top’ me, okay?”

“Okay!” Zhao Zi nods furiously.

“Just now you ate me, so now, it’s my turn to eat you.”

“Huh? What-”

Zhao Zi is abruptly flung and pressed into the bed with a pull across the back of his waist. His hole, which has turned red and swollen with all the friction, is still filled with Jack’s cock as the man refuses to withdraw.

“Wait a second!”

Didn’t they agree to let him be on top for the whole night? Why is he once again pressed to the bed by Jack?

“Didn’t you say that we have to be fair? I let you ‘top’ me once earlier, and now it’s my turn to ‘top’ you once too, this is what we call fair, right?”

“Nnn…”

In his dizzy state Zhao Zi has the niggling feeling that something isn’t quite right, but he can’t think of how to respond to Jack’s statement either, so all he can do is nod in agreement and acquiesce.

“You’re not wrong, so okay! Since you let me ‘top’ and made me feel so good earlier, I’ll let you ‘top’ me once too, but I’ve got to work tomorrow, so we can only do this once, and no additional rounds.”

“Okay,” Jack grins delighted.

Zhao Zi secretly sticks out his tongue at Jack in his mind. Lucky for him, Zhao Zi smartly voiced out his conditions first, otherwise Jack’s stamina is really equivalent to that of a monster’s and if Zhao Zi let him do as he likes, he won’t get to see the sun tomorrow, instead sleeping until it’s time to eat dinner the next day.

And so with Jack’s member, which has hardened again, they continue onto their second round. Of course, Jack keeps his promise to do Zhao Zi only one more time, and then holds onto an exhausted shorty, slipping into sleep with happiness.

===

The next morning, Zhao Zi wakes up under his alarm’s incessant ringing. He brushes his teeth and washes his face, then rubs at his bleary eyes out of habit as he walks down the stairs. 

“Good morning!” Jack, who’s busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen, turns around to look at the shorty who’s just woken up and greets.

“Good… good morning…”

Zhao Zi smiles happily and sits at the table by the window, waiting for Jack’s breakfast made with love, a few minutes later, his handsome lover brings over freshly made sandwiches and juice, sitting opposite him.

“Does it taste good?”

“It’s delicious, ah!” Zhao Zi exclaims suddenly, recalling what happened last night. 

The tip of his ears turn red, and Zhao Zi grabs onto Jack’s hand. He says, serious, “Don’t worry, I’ll be responsible for you for life.”

“...”

Jack is unable to react immediately, so he just stares at Zhao Zi, dumbfounded. Then he laughs.

“Hey! I’m being serious here, what are you laughing for?”

Jack shakes his head and resists the urge to laugh even more. He deliberately bites at his lower lip and replies, “Then please be responsible for me, for life, okay?”

“Nnn! No problem, I promise!”

Zhao Zi pats at his chest, which has remained flat no matter how he tried to exercise it, and makes a promise to the one he loves.

===

Notes:

*This is exactly how it’s written, word for word translation, I KID U NOT

**I have facepalmed

***Once again WHEN CAN WE STOP WITH THIS DISCOURSE OF TOPPING = AFFIRMATION OF MASCULINITY/IDENTITY 

****Honestly, I cannot imagine Shao Fei saying this 

*****I would like to cry, and not happily

******Wow guys I only realized that Zhao Zi was duped today, like TODAY, six months after I got the novel. I’m a bit mind blown. To be fair I didn’t dare read through the whole thing in my first few reads, but omg, Zhao Zi you are so easily duped. This is such a questionable scene?! But also towards the end my brain just kind of switched off and I’m translating so mechanically like I’m praying my brain doesn’t process any of the words. I’m sorry, I REALLY TRIED. Once again, I hope you didn’t read this, and if you made it all the way down here... if you liked it, cools, if you didn’t, you can cry with me in the comments. 

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Dear Agony Just let go of me Suffer slowly Is this the way it's got to be? Don't bury me Faceless enemy I'm so sorry Is this the way it's gotta be? Dear Agony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9hZFyoqp7Q

Amy and Shachath

The Angel of Death... I told ya’ll Amy has some weird friends XD Including supernatural beings, angels, demons, the freaking Anti-Christ and even Lilith herself... 

However, Amy is pretty chummy with Shachath as they talk often and Amy even shares a cup of tea with her at times. Which is touching, but it’s also... really sad when you think about it. But these two have a somewhat odd friendship/acquaintanceship due to being very familiar with one another and Shachath acts as something of a guardian angel for Amy, just like her daughter Mallory does. Aside from Shinsou, Shachath also understands Amy very much, noting that Amy hides her  feelings of worthlessness, sadness and pain with smiles and laughter as Shachath is almost always behind her in someway because of the pain she feels often.

And just to clarify... my good friend @ambroselaveau90 has the HC that Shachath is Mallory’s mother and I’m going with that cuz I like it~! <3 

Mallory acts as a guardian angel for Amy, and Shachath does the same because well... they’re angels! And they like her <3 

Shachath first appears to Amy during her childhood at Robichaux even after Cordelia is made the new Supreme as the girl began to feel empty and hollow after realizing that not only was she never going to see Shinsou again, but that she lost her parents, her dog, her sisters Madison, Misty and Nan, as well as her mother figures Fiona, Marie Laveau and Myrtle Snow and her good friend Luke. The losses hit her all suddenly as she suffered a mental breakdown, having witnessed so much death in so little time, which is what Shachath explained to her when she first arrived and she notes to the young girl that she was calling for her but Amy had no idea she was doing so. 

The Angel of Death then tells her that sometimes not everyone is aware that they are praying for the pain to end, and Amy confides in her that sometimes she does want the pain to end and Shachath does offer her a way to end the pain, a kiss of death. However, a fearful Amy apologizes and says that she’s not really ready for that, but Shachath is very understanding and tells her that should she ever feel anymore unbearable pain that she can always sing for her again and she’ll come to her. 

As Amy got older, Shachath still follows Amy because of the young witch’s singing as she notes that Amy tends to often sing for her. Although Shachath noted that while Amy did realize the entirety of what she lost, that she hadn’t processed it all and entered a heavy stage of denial until the Sports Festival when her Sentio Compassios was fully awakened. Only when Amy enters the anger stage of her grief is when Shachath feels compelled to go to her. As Amy realized that the pro-heroes abandoned her, she became distraught, confused, horrified, hurt and wild with rage and despair that it led her to going on a rampage on UA. An event that Shachath watched patiently, and she grew worried for the witch when Izuku got the upperhand and pinned her down. She was sympathetic when Amy confessed her feelings, only to get coldly rejected and breaking her heart.

The added pain of heartbreak put a lot of stress on Amy’s physical body, causing her to go into brief cardiac arrest as Shachath arrived and offered to give her the kiss of death to end it all. Amy was more than willing to be kissed because the pain was so great, but Shachath stops upon realizing the power within the witch, as well as the rage and contempt that kickstarted her power into regenerating her heart and kept her body from giving out. Shachath tells Amy that she wasn’t quite ready to go yet and had unfinished business to do. As instead of succumbing to despair, Amy became reinvigorated with a newfound scorn that allowed her to continue fighting Izuku and came close to killing him. Which is partially why Shachath stuck around as she wondered if it would have been Izuku who she would give the kiss of death too. 

In fact, another factor that allowed Amy to cease her attack was seeing Shachath flying beside Izuku, ready to give him the kiss since Amy came dangerously close to crushing him. Which horrified her when she realized how badly she was hurting him, and it allowed her to stop. Although it’s implied that this was a ploy by Shachath to prevent Amy from killing the boy to spare her from committing something she would regret and to save Izuku from a painful death. 

Afterwards, Shachath remained by Amy’s side as she quit UA and isolated herself in her mansion due to the anger, hatred, depression and despair she felt towards herself and her former teachers and classmates. Due to Amy’s fluctuating emotions ranging between anger, despair and mainly emotional pain, Shachath kept her company and stood by just in case Amy truly did want to end it all. Amy kept Shachath in mind and frequently spoke to her and turned to her for advice, especially when it came to forgiveness about herself, with Shachath comforting her and reassuring her each and every time, even telling her that love is painful but it only means that she is a human with a strong capacity to feel love for people. 

Although she also remained neutral about Amy’s choices, noting that whatever she chooses that Shachath will not judge her and would remain her friend no matter what she did. 

And as Amy prepares to go rescue her friends and her teacher during the War Arc, she asks the angel if she will stay with her since Amy secretly hoped that she would die during the rescue. Shachath kindly tells her that she will be by her side the entire time if she does want to die, but also gives her advice on how to beat Shigaraki.

Amy: You’ll be with me... right? I mean... Shigaraki’s really strong now... stronger than ever before... I’m not afraid. Honestly I’m not, I don’t even care if I come out of it alive or not, but... if he does manage to kill me... will you be there?

Shachath: Oh child... as long as you call for me, I will always be there. As I have said before... if you need me to. I will save you. 

In the present times, Amy and Shachath are still good friends, and while Amy has slowly gotten better overtime, Shachath still does come by every now and then due to Amy relapsing into her depression, including during her second year when she begins to doubt herself and spirals back into the verge of a breakdown. Shachath would be at her side and still give her the offer of the kiss of death, but since Amy gained more of a support system, the witch oncemore decline with Shachath being nothing  but understanding. As she was touched by Amy’s new friendships, especially her friendship with Ashlen, another person she had seen before and had been ‘sung’ for. 

However, Shachath did tell Amy that she wants to save her from her pain in the near future when death is inevitable. A sentiment that oddly touches Amy as she tells her that she wouldn’t want anyone else to steal her away from a painful death.

At one point Amy asks Shachath if she gets tired of waiting for her to make her decision, but because the Angel of Death has grown fond of Amy, she reassures her and tells her that she isn’t annoyed with her and is merely there to be a listening ear for her. A benevolent Grim Reaper, Shachath sometimes even offers advice to Amy and lets her vent about what is making her upset and listens to her without any judgement. Because Shachath gained an understanding towards Amy, she at times can also talk her out of death by reminding her of her friends and loved ones which often tends to make Amy reconsider.

However, like many a person suffering from depression, there are moments where Amy cannot see or think about her loved ones as she just wonders and contemplates suicide with Shachath almost always showing up during these moments.

I feel nothing anymore...

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 167

Clint called for the debrief about the Seoul mission while you and Tony were still in the air. About a half hour away from the Tower. His immediate silence over the line told you everything you needed to know, but the both of you waited patiently for Clint to speak. And when he did- “We lost Nat.” 

You felt your heart stop. “What??” 

Tony, in his infinite wisdom (clearly smarter than you, held a hand up). “What do you mean lost?” 

“Ultron took her.” 

Both you and Tony made some very upset noises and you slumped back in your seat. “Jesus Christ, Clint. You’re no longer allowed to do debriefs.” 

“There was a better way to phrase that.” Tony, as always, agreeing with you. 

Clint sounded equally annoyed from his end of the phone. “Are we counting this as a win?” 

Tony pursed his lips to the side, clearly deliberating how to ask, “Did you secure the Cradle?” 

“Precious cargo. Yeah. I got it.” Clearly unhappy that the team was forced to make a trade. 

It wasn’t fair. To make a trade like that. No doubt Nat had been doing her job. Doing her best. Ultron had snatched her- you couldn’t help but wonder why. ...and couldn’t stop yourself from wondering if you had gone with them, if you would have been able to prevent this. You were assuring yourself more than him as you said, “We’ll get her back.” 

Finally Clint’s bad mood broke just a little. “I know we will.”

Tony made the next call to the Tower. The quinjet was not that far behind yours, and once you landed they’d have to have the lab set up to… well, as he momentarily lied, destabilize the Cradle. Destroy it. Ultron had apparently done a fair amount of work to it. Had started building something inside of it with Cho’s help- Cho who was now free. Steve had stayed behind to help her. 

But that wasn’t really what he was planning to do. He just wanted to put facetime in with Bruce while asking him to try this one more time. You also decided not to chime in, understanding exactly the plan Tony was making. Bruce would be more amenable in person. A little bit more easily persuaded. 

On touch down, the both of you exited the flight deck and made a straight line down to the lab. The secured and cleared a wide area. Clint, as promised, was not too far behind. And once the three of you (with DUM-E’s slow assistance) dragged the Cradle in, you felt something strange. Like a headache was on the verge of blooming. And just as they’d plugged a large wire into the back of the Cradle, you set a hand over the cover. 

Tony looked up, sensing something was amiss. But he waited for you to speak, and when you did, you realized what was happening. A piercing, shrill noise had returned. “The thing- inside the scepter- it’s here.” You were sure of it. 

Both Bruce and Tony quickly whirled around to their respecting computer consoles, typing away in a furious buzz. It was Bruce that confirmed first. “Gamma radiation buzz is off the charts. That thing is working overtime. We gotta shut it down.” 

On the opposite spectrum, Tony seemed intrigued. “What’s it doing, I wonder?” Extremely curious to find out. 

Clint secured his fingers on the very thin edges and tried to wedge his weight upwards. It was an extreme failure, and the rest of you stood around watching him try useless to work. This was one of the reasons you stood back in situations like this. Out of your element. And not as willing to… put yourself out there, to put it mildly. When he realized he wasn’t doing much good he gave it a rest. “This thing is sealed tight.” 

Trying to draw his attention, and possibly looking after one of his own (albeit secret) interests, Bruce took his glasses off and fumbled about a little nervously. “Any word on Nat?” While you were all worried, he was a touch more so. For reasons that inspired a look cast between you and Tony. 

He was the one who answered after the two of you were done making faces at each other. “Haven’t heard. But. Have to wager she’s alive.”

You found the follow up conclusion simple. “If she wasn’t, Ultron would be making a big deal about it. He can broadcast anything anywhere. Her picture would be on every screen in the Tower if he wanted to make a statement with her.” It was a grim way of looking at it, but… for as much as you didn’t want to understand Ultron, you at least were aware of his base-line motives. He took Nat because he could. Or because she was in the way. That was on the team. That failure. He wanted everyone to stew in it. No sense in killing her yet. 

Bruce gave a solemn nod. “Makes sense, I guess.” Trying to redivert his attention, he cast a hand over the Cradle. “We’re going to need to access the program running in there. Break it down from within.” Moving on to work was the next easiest thing. 

Tony seemed to not agree- only momentarily though, you knew. He put a hand on Clint’s shoulder. “Any chance Natasha might leave you a message- outside the internet? Old school spy stuff?” 

It took him a moment, but when Clint nodded, it came with a little grin. “There’s some nets I can cast. Yeah. Alright. I’ll find her. You deal with this.” And just like that, he left the room. Which had been the point of distracting him that way. 

Bruce was already in the middle of some serious typing, trying to work away, when you and Tony approached from the opposite side of the Cradle. He seemed to ignore the looming obviousness of what was about to happen. “I can work on tissue degeneration-” Though he did look up at Tony, “If you can fry whatever operational system Cho implanted.” 

Waving one of the holoscreens out of the way, Tony leaned in just a little more. Standing at his side, you couldn’t exactly see the eyes he was looking at Bruce with. But you knew them all too well. “Yeah. About that…” Pleading. About to ask for something he knew he shouldn’t. 

Apparently, for some reason, Bruce was no stranger to them either. Because in just the next second after that look registered, he put both his hands up. “No.” And gave a very sturdy warning. 

You tried your hand at this mass negotiation that was going to have to happen. “Please trust us.” Because you were in on this. One-hundred-percent. There was only this. 

Bruce shook his head, almost a little wildly. “Absolutely not. I don’t- not with this- are you serious??” While you tried to not take this too personally, you were starting to grow tired of everyone around here constantly implying you were better than Tony- and that they were always shocked when you failed to live up to those strange expectations they held of you. 

Tony pulled his phone out of his inside jacket pocket. “Our ally? The guy protecting the military’s nuclear codes? We found him.” And with a little shake of his phone, he shot out that beautifully bright orange consciousness you’d grown to love. 

JARVIS was alive. Moving. Thinking. And… warm. In a way you never would have been able to explain. A smile grew on your lips when he spoke. “Hello, Dr. Banner.” 

You would never judge Bruce. But. Bruce not saying hello back was probably the rudest thing you’d ever seen him do. Tony went into a bit of an excited ramble. A light was opening up inside of him. One of excitement. And detrimentally manic. Scrambling to move this last piece of the puzzle while it was still on his plate. “Ultron didn’t go after JARVIS because he was angry. He attacked him because he was scared of what he can do. So JARVIS went underground. Scattered himself. Dumped his memories. But not his protocols. He didn’t even know he was in there until she woke him up.” Giving a little nod your way. 

Bruce looked between you two. Back and forth. At least a few times. He then held a hand out, pressing it against the top of the Cradle. “So… you want me to help you put JARVIS into this thing?” 

Tony was quick, “No!” So quick that it nearly gave you whiplash. No? His wide grin told the whole story before the next words out of his mouth, “I want to help you put JARVIS into this thing.” Already Bruce was backing away, shaking his head over and over. “We’re out of my field of expertise here.” Tony having no problem being humble, for once. “You know bio-organics better than anyone.” 

He looked over your way. Waiting for a long time. Kind of pointedly staring at you. Like you might come to your senses and talk Tony out of this. As if you were the only one that could. But, when you just pressed your lips together, he sighed heavily. “What- you two just assume that JARVIS’ operational matrix can beat Ultron’s?” 

You waved a hand up JARVIS’ way, brushing that lightshow with the tips of your fingers. “JARVIS already has been beating Ultron. He’s been keeping nuke codes safe. For longer than we even knew it was a problem. If you ask me we should have looked at him first for a world protection plan.” 

JARVIS answered you, “Your confidence warms me, Ms. INY. Dr. Banner, please. I believe it’s worth a go.” There was something about this. JARVIS seemed a little different. A little more animated. ...emotional? Was that the word you were thinking of? 

...was it possible that in his initial fight with Ultron- -well if Ultron had somehow gained sentience… couldn’t JARVIS have?

In your eager optimism over JARVIS, you missed Bruce shrinking away. And when both you and Tony moved to the other side of the Cradle to face him, he put both his hands up, keeping you at arm’s length. “No!” It was rare that Bruce raised his voice. He was really stressed suddenly. “I’m in a loop! I’m- I’m caught in a time loop! This is exactly where it all went wrong.” 

Maybe it would have been a good idea to back off him. Let him cool down. But there was just no time to let him come to grips with this idea. 

It was why you understood when Tony reached out, settling his hands on Bruce’s upper arms, giving him a little affectionate stir. “I know. I know. I know what everyone’s gonna say. But they’re already saying it. We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters, buddy. We gotta own it. We have to make a stand.” 

There was a painful twist in your heart, hearing Tony speak so earnestly like that. What he believe to be honesty about himself. What his intentions made him. You didn’t think any of that about him, nor Bruce for that matter. But this wasn’t the time to start a therapy session. Instead, you tried to entreat him one last time. “Bruce, please… if it’s not this, it’s nothing. We need you. If you’re in a loop, this is where we break it.” 

Though he was looking at you briefly he hung his head. “You don’t know that.” 

“What if I told you I did? Would it make a difference?” 

This time he really did look at you- he took a long look. And then finally- “If I’m being told I have a choice here, it really doesn’t feel like it.” He didn’t pause long enough for something cold to creep in. “But. Fine. Let’s try one last time.” 

Tony gave him a clap on both his arms with another sturdier shake. “There you go, buddy.” 

You, instead, were softer. “Thank you, Bruce.” 

He sighed again. “Yeah, yeah, yeah…” 

                                                                --- 

They got to work right away. Doing the things they did best. Babbling at each other. Hooking up the Cradle to their machines. Typing away. Working. Busily. Quickly. Because time was running out. Whatever was in the Cradle wouldn’t stay in that state forever- you caught at least that much. They were also working from the other end of the clock. Ultron was moving, too. Who knew when his next strike would be. 

It took them an hour. JARVIS had disappeared. Tony had put the lightshow away. But he’d gone quiet, too. Something that unsettled you. If this didn’t work, would you lose him again? You were absolutely sure you couldn’t bear a repeat. You’d only just gotten him back. But, in his absence, the Cradle started… well, singing wasn’t the right word but… it was something awfully close. The lab was humming otherwise with energy, covering that foreign tune that laid inside the Cradle. They were moving back and forth constantly. And the next fifteen minutes they started ramping up in intensity. 

Now or never had come pretty soon. 

Tony was typing in a buzz on his keyboard. “This framework is not compatible.” You had no time to register if this was a good or bad verdict as Bruce walked by, seemingly unbothered. “The genetic coding tower’s at ninety-seven percent.” He looked up at Tony. “You have got to upload that schematic in the next three minutes.” 

Your mouth was open- about to ask something inane by their standards, but the heavy steps of boots caught your attention too late. You hadn’t been paying enough attention, because when you whipped around you saw Steve. Standing in his anger. And not only him- he’d brought the twins with him. 

His tone was condescending and tight. “I’m gonna say this once.” 

Tony wore one to match. “How about nonce?” 

Steve grit his teeth and waved his authoritarian hand around. “Shut it down!” 

Quickly moving to the leftmost console, Tony’s attention played elsewhere. “Nope. Not gonna happen.” 

You, in turn, stepped forward to try and get in between them, even though Tony was on the upper level. You held your hands out in defense. “Steve, please. You don’t understand.” 

He leveled a finger at you. “No you don’t understand. You don’t know what you’re doing!” 

Bruce was not too far behind you. “And you do? She’s not in your head?” 

Wanda stepped out from beyond Steve and your eyes went immediately to her. “I know you’re angry…” 

Something dark rumbled inside Bruce. Something foreign. “Oh, we’re way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.” 

You had to hold yourself very still after hearing that. It wasn’t like Bruce. Not at all. Then again… the news was back to calling him a monster. Because of her. He’d hurt people- because of her. There was a level of understanding for how truly angry he was over it. You looked her way. “Have a sudden change of heart?” 

She frowned, fingers twisting together anxiously. “It’s not easy to believe- but after what we’ve seen-” 

Tony’s voice boomed from the higher level. “That’s nothing compared to what’s coming!” 

In one twisting move, she turned his way. “You don’t know what’s in there!” 

“We know more than you do.” Something you asserted with more rights than you had. Tony said this was the next thing. The last chance. You believed him. And you’d stand by him. No matter what. 

Steve narrowed his eyes at you. “This isn’t a game!” 

A shouting match ensued with almost too many voices. But it died down as a blur flashed around the room, picking up wind as it wound around you- no- the Cradle- stopping with Pietro at the bottom, holding the main power source plug after yanking it free. “No no. Go on. You were saying?” 

Alarms started shrieking. But nothing ever quite compared to the crack of a bullet being shot off in close vicinity. The noise startled you into a jump, just about the same time the glass underneath Pietro’s feet caved in and you stepped over quick to see Clint putting a foot over his chest. The rest of your attention was stolen by the sudden struggling lifeforce inside the Cradle. 

That was until Tony’s anxiety spiked and he started moving in a hurry. “I’m rerouting the upload!” 

Deciding where he stood officially, it really shouldn’t have shocked you- Steve winding up to throw his shield- maybe it didn’t. Because you double-tapped your Reactor without a second thought, and held up a hand to blast it off trajectory after it had bounced off a couple work stations and headed straight for Tony. 

You were done with people attacking him. So much so that your next move was cleaner than the last. One shot of your repulsor aimed right at him. And the second he was off his feet, Wanda creeped closer in a weirdly stilted couple of moves. But she was brought to a standstill by Bruce who threw his arms around her from behind. “Go ahead. Piss me off.” 

It was a shame that your awareness was stolen a second time. Panic had started as a low simmer inside the Cradle, but it was now collapsing in on itself. Dying. The computers were still shrieking- Steve was on his feet- Tony had called his armor- 

But you couldn’t take your eyes off the Cradle. Or rather, what was snaking out above it. A familiar orange glow hit the air, wisping upward. Like it was leaving. 

 The next few seconds felt very important as your heart skipped a beat. That was JARVIS. Something in you told you. You knew. That light- that light drawing you in- drawing you up- That was JARVIS. And if you didn’t do something fast, he’d die.

Something pulled your arm forward. Something told you what to do as you held your hand up, fingers reaching, touching the tail of that energy. Calling it back. Calling it to you. And instead of continuing its upward flit, it shimmered back down, winding around your left arm, further still as you pulled your hand back, holding it to your chest. 

The song in the Cradle spoke your name. Something ancient directed your movements. Told you what to do. Almost like you’d done it before. Both your arms moved in a roundabout flow and then you cast both your palms out over the Cradle, fingers outstretched, directing that orange light inside. Holding it there. Keeping it there. Struggling to do so as the life just faded away. You couldn’t keep it there forever- which was why you pleaded in a bit of desperation- “You need to repower the Cradle- I can’t hold it-!” 

Tony said something- maybe just a call of your name- 

But it didn’t matter. The next thing in your peripheral was Thor sliding into the room, bringing with him urgent fury. He then jumped on top of the Cradle and the two of you looked at one another. He then gave you a nod. So very knowing. Somehow. And that was when you stepped away, back into Tony who had come to your side, and in the next move you drew your arm forward, throwing up a shield as Thor raised his arm, hammer in hand, and then cast it down, striking the Cradle with lightning. 

The sound was deafening. And once the light died, it seemed like it took everything with it. The computers had gone quiet. Everyone in the room held their breath. 

Then the glass on the Cradle shattered, the force throwing Thor to the back of the room. Once he was out of the way, something slid up onto the lid- a fresh body- something synthetic. Red and silver- with that glowing yellow singing on its forehead. 

His nervous eyes cast around the room. And as you reached out you were sure. You thought you were so sure that was JARVIS. But then he jumped forward, almost in an attack at Thor who had gotten to his feet. Almost. But you felt the scared desperation. The confusion. And when Thor reached up to grab that new body and throw him through the glass and down into the lounge, the voice that ripped from you was one of pure worry- “Stop!” 

Not giving anyone in that room enough time to think about that command as you took off in the next beat on a boost of your jets, following him. Finding him floating against the tall windows. Just looking. At everything. First the city, twinkling in lights. Then at himself. And as you came to a stand on the catwalk just behind him, waiting patiently, you saw his eyes drift to your reflection. Your voice wouldn’t work the first time you tried, so as you forced it on the next turn, the name came out in a croak. “JARVIS?” Hoping. Hoping against hope that this had worked. Because if it hadn’t… 

The moment took too long. Your voice had long since evaporated into the air, and he hadn’t so much as moved. But finally… your patience was rewarded, as a soft sheen of recognition bubbled up from him. And an even softer smile played along his reflection in the window. “Ms. INY.” 

[imagine-fight-write]

RANDOM - BANANA FISH DISCUSSION - I’M SO VAGUE

Hello, Everyone!

No excuse for this being late, it just is.

Note: This is just me rambling about a certain subject in relation to Banana Fish which is totally vague (but that’s probably all in my head.)

If you’re enjoying my Banana Fish Review series, Vol. 1: Part 3 will be up either later today or Saturday!

Unless Time sabotages me again. They might.

* I like to think of Time as having a female persona. What do you think?

Anyway . . . 

This one is more in-depth musings about a certain subject & character, rather than analysis of a scene. It’s deeply vague & confusing (probably because I’m thinking too deep about it. But I don’t care. It’s fun to theorize.) If you want to continue reading delightful gushing about scenes & characters in Banana Fish in chronological order (mostly), please check out Part 3 of my Banana Fish review.

Determining Ash’s sexuality is marvelously tricky. *Also Eiji’s, now I think of it. 

So far as I know, Eiji hasn’t have any / very little romantic or sexual experience (or is he simply shy? Who knows?). Thus, he can’t know who he likes & neither can the reader (for certain.) His attraction to Ash is vague enough that valid arguments can be made for anything from friends to soul mates to lovers. Isn’t it wonderfully maddening?

Otaku, She Wrote has a great article about this, here:

https://otakushewrote.wordpress.com/2018/06/22/more-than-friends-more-than-lovers-exploring-ash-and-eijis-love/

I think readers tend to gravitate towards lovers because there’s this nasty, prevalent idea that romantic relationships are somehow more & deeper & better & closer than friendship (which I hate & I will fight people over.) To be clear: If you like the idea of Ash & Eiji being a couple, that’s valid. 

It makes sense.

If you like to go with the easy route of saying Ash clearly likes Eiji, therefore he’s gay, I salute you for your acceptance of obvious things.

(This is so cute. I love animal motifs!)

I personally can’t view it that simply, due to both Ash’s extremely traumatic past & the world he grows up in.

However, if you take that (saying Ash is gay) & dismiss or look down on those who like to think as Ash & Eiji as soul mates or friends, 

I will fight you.

And if you take Ash & Eiji as friends & dismiss those who like them being a couple, I will also fight you.

Because this is a story about fictional characters, people have multiple different experiences which color their perspective of it, so in a very real sense no one is wrong . . . Unless they have no concrete proof from the text to back them up. Or author.

I mean, you could argue Ash is secretly a ware-lynx, & that’s why he’s so strong & clever, but why would you? There’s no evidence in the story. Anyway.

Before I begin: An Important Note.

I was attempting to look up Ash’s step-mother’s name (& couldn’t find it, I’ll have to check my manga) & I found 2 fascinating reddit threads, who’s subjects I will add to later:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BananaFish/comments/9efv87/while_watching_banana_fish_with_my_father_he/

(2nd 1 contains minor spoilers, if you don’t know who Blanca is, don’t read)

https://www.reddit.com/r/BananaFish/comments/a2s0cj/yoshida_interview_on_why_she_decided_not_to_have/

The important part about the 2nd article is that the author states something which I agree with, which is 

“Editor: "Certainly, Ash isn't active when it comes to sex."

Yoshida: "I think that's because Ash's character is sick of sex. He's been hurt over and over by sex... he's sick of it and he doesn't feel the need to have it. He's devoted his life to it, and he's had enough of it.”

Which appears to validate my idea that Ash is willfully asexual. He could easily be aromantic and / or have romantic or sexual desire for Eiji, sure (or other people. 1 person in the above link supposes Ash might be bi, which isn’t something I considered, but is certainly possible.)

Regardless, it’s clear that, whatever relationship or desire Ash might have for someone, Ash certainly dislikes / wouldn’t have sex with them.

I personally see them as friends/soul mates. To be specific, Ash firmly keeps himself asexual (key word, keeps) to such a degree it’s impossible to know if he’d actually be asexual or not if he’d had a normal life. It is simply impossible to know, and it’s tragic. Note, I’m not saying Ash is asexual, but that he actively tries to be. Yes, he flirts & acts sexy & kisses people. Except these are all acts a person can do & yet not feel any real desire or want to do them. I realize that sounds confusing, but it’s true. Some femme fatales do this all the time.

And as Otaku, She Wrote said, Ash is a combination of Femme Fatale & Rambo.

The manga also makes it clear, more than once, that Ash uses such moves as weapons or tools to get people to either drop their guard or convey a message as part of a plan.

He can do this & yet not feel any actual sexual desire. Also, I do want to stress, the idea that trauma will make a person asexual is wrong. Wrong. Yes, trauma can make people hesitant to start or continue a sexual relationship, or any close relationship at all, with other people. But. It won’t change if they feel sexual desire for someone else or not. So is Ash asexual? Who knows. I’ll explore this & my reasons more a little later.

First, I want to point out Eiji is probably asexual, given that he’s almost 20 & never had a romantic relationship (that I know of, up to vol. 10 of the manga.) However, he could be the type to slowly develop feelings for someone overtime. Eiji strikes me as rather shy & lonely - he hasn’t talked about anyone specific in Japan except his sister, so far as I’ve read. Or they could both be “once in a lifetime��� types, which could be true for both being best friends / soul mates or a couple. As I said, from what I’ve read so far, it’s all vague enough you could argue in a lot of different ways about their relationship. (I love it.)

Now, my logic for why Ash is asexual. Ach, this section is grim & terrible & sad.

First, due to his past, it’s highly unlikely Ash can view any gay man in a positive light (or any man at all, really, his relationship with Max & Ibe is SO important & in many ways, a complete miracle).

(Ash teasing Max never gets old.)

Considering it’s also the 1980’s, there’s also a definite air of “gay men are bad” which Ash would pick up on (and has, I think.)(Even if he were gay.) Note, Dino Golzine is clearly a pedophile. Whether he considers himself gay is up for debate (so far as I know.) And unless he considers himself gay, or it’s otherwise stated, he’s not gay, but a pedophile. 

To explain: I have yet to know of any evidence that he sleeps with any men in a consensual relationship (which would mean he’s gay.) Only young men & boys, all considerably younger than him, and for various reasons, clearly not with him by choice.

* IN FACT, I have yet to know of Dino Golzine sleeping with ANYONE consensually (Have I mentioned I hate this man? Because I do.) Brrr. I told you this is all painful. Here is an adorable kitten.

Anyway, also related to Ash’s trauma, it’s unlikely Ash can easily accept any sexual or romantic relationships as good or enjoyable. He clearly views close contact as dangerous.

 As I said, the manga makes it clear on more than 1 occasion that Ash clearly uses his sex appeal & romantic gestures, such as kissing, as tools in his arsenal of weapons, divorced from his emotions, wants, or desires (mostly.) This isn’t to say he couldn’t be aromantic. 

I mean, Ash did have a crush on a girl when he was 14. That’s got to count for something, surely, given the environment he was living in.

*I mention this because someone reminded this of me in that 2nd reddit link I put above, & they immeaditly dismissed it!

Um, hello? Crushes are sexual desire 101.

Of course, regardless of if he’s asexual or not, he could still care about his friends as deeply as he does. Remember, asexuality is about sexual desire, not emotions in general. You can love someone & not have sexual desire for them. People do this all the time with family & friends.

All of Ash’s tender scenes with Eiji? (that I’ve seen up to Vol. 10) I’ve had a bunch of similar heart to hearts with close friends over the years, & I’m super protective about my friends. But I still don’t have sexual desire for any of them. They’re my friends.

Friendship is so hard to define, isn’t it?

(I looked up friendship gifs & found this. Precious.)

On a related note, I have no doubt Ash has had a bunch of self loathing & hatred over his good looks (can you really blame him? Because a lot of people like to blame his good looks as the reason why they attack him. Which is so gross I have no words.) (Victim Blaming 101) And clearly Ash would take any tender or protective emotions he might have for another boy (or anyone) as something twisted, wrong, & dangerous. 

(Again, given his past, can you really blame him?) Because I can’t think of any gay men, or anyone really, who’s been a good role model & decent human being, who is a grown man, except maybe the cops, but there’s a whole level of complexity there with Ash being a gang leader & linked to Dino Golzine that I don’t feel like getting into 

(unless you want me to in another post!)

And yet Ash does care, deeply. I’m so glad he has friends in his various gang members & Shorter. They’re so important. He even has great moments with Max

(which is such a miracle, I’m going to cry if I think about it too hard. After being raised by a man like Dino & their twisted relationship, it’s astonishing Ash can trust any grown-up man, ever.)

Anyway, moving to a slightly different topic, consider that Banana Fish is clearly a world of men, and boys. Women and girls are few & far between (the main ones are great, but still few.)

(I can’t wait until we get to the part of Ash is disguised as a nurse, because I still don’t know what that’s about & I love it already.)

Anyway. Moving on.

Theory: Ash doesn’t view women as sexual cos that’s not the world he grew up in.

(Pictured Above: Not a lady)

Correction: Ash does mock the obi-gyn’s secretary with some pretty crude language. (which I will not forget & he needs to apologize for & never do again.)

Clearly he’s picked up on the disgusting idea of women as being 2nd class to men & also their value tied to their sexuality.

(Gee, I wonder who knows how that feels.)

However, far as we know, Ash has never slept with a woman (or girl.) Ash has never been sexually assaulted by a woman or girl.

Well, apart from those nurses. but that’s a long ways away in my reviews. 

I will not forget!

Also, considering all his sexual encounters have been with men, and I must stress, grown-up men (again, so far as we know), it makes sense to me that Ash wouldn’t have any interest in women the way most men do.

I’m not saying he wouldn’t find them attractive or react to a nude photo - of course he would (unless he’s actually gay or asexual & has no sexual desire for women, or anyone at all.) However, even if he’s straight, I still don’t think he’d automatically think of women as being sexual / desire them in the way most men /boys would. Most women exist in a world apart from his. The most Ash does is talk to the secretary. He barely interacts with Jessica (that I remember, just wait til we get to that part) or his step-mom. I don’t think he even interacts with Shorter’s sister.

Yes, Dino Golzine asks if Ash has a girlfriend, but it’s done in almost jest, and Ash’s reaction makes it clear he has no interest in one. Again, because he has no personal experience of women as sexual beings (that we know of) it’s doubtful he’d easily think of them as such, despite his words to the secretary. He only knows men have sex with women because men talk about it, & there’s pictures & magazines. Again, this is difficult because there’s so few women in Banana Fish it’s hard to tell. So this is just a theory.

To sum, personally I think Ash might be asexual. Most likely, aromantic.

But again, given the complexity of Ash’s life, it’s really hard to tell. Yes, he kisses a boy at some point. But it was a cold blooded kiss, meant to pass along a secret message. It was part of a plan.

Ash never mentions this kiss again (far as I know, up to vol. 10 of the manga) and he freaks out ( is afraid & embarrassed) at a joke  about wanting to view his public hair.

Again, is that due to his past of being abused, or is he simply asexual? Who knows. (The author knows, I’m sure.)

[fallingthunder]

Too Far From The Road - Chapter Four

‘How is he?’

I jumped. Lost in my own head, I hadn’t noticed my brother leaning up against the wall ahead of me.

‘What the…Hlifen! Were you deliberately trying to scare me?’ I hissed exasperatedly, but I was pleased to see that someone had bandaged his arm and given him fresh clothing.

‘No, I’m here to safely escort you back to your room before that goblin in dwarfs clothing comes to make you mop floors again.’ He said, falling into step beside me.

‘You’ve met Vald then?’ I said, taking an educated guess at who he meant.

He nodded, looking me up and down, and grimaced.

‘I have. Why didn’t you tell me things were so bad for you?’ he said.

‘I didn’t know how to contact you.’ I lied.

‘A lame excuse. Dwalin would have carried a message to me.’ He said, seeing through me in a way that only a sibling could.

‘I haven’t really known Dwalin very long.’ I mumbled.

‘You’ve known the Prince for longer.’ He said, leadingly.

My head snapped up.

‘I don’t know what you expect me to say.’ I said suspiciously.

‘Dwalin said the Prince has taken a liking to you.’ Hlifen said, trying to lead me on.

If I knew anything about my brother, it was that he was persistent, and if I tried to dodge around the subject he would only lead it back to where he wanted.

‘I haven’t slept with him, brother.’ I said bluntly, deciding it would be better to just get it out of the way.

‘Are you planning to?’ he asked.

‘No.’ I replied stonily.

‘Why not? He’s handsome.’ He reasoned.

While in my own mind I couldn’t deny that the Prince was handsome, and, after seeing more of him than any ordinary servant had any right to, I wasn’t about to try to fool myself into saying that he wasn’t. Hlifen didn’t need to know that though.

‘I’m not becoming the mistress to a Prince of Erebor! It’s bad enough with everyone thinking I already am.’ I hissed.

‘It wouldn’t make any difference if you actually did then.’ He said happily, as though he’d solved all of my life’s problems.

‘Why are you encouraging me? It isn’t a good thing.’ I said incredulously.

‘Mistresses of the Royalty are favoured. Just look at Vald.’

‘Why should I look at Vald?’ I asked, confused.

‘Dwalin told me that Vald was Thror’s lady love for a time. Quite a significant amount of time in fact. It’s why she holds so much power and why she doesn’t like you.’ He explained.

I frowned as he spoke. I should have known something like that had been going on, Vald didn’t want me to occupy a role she had once had.

‘Really? That explains a few things. She has sons…none of them are Thror’s though, are they?’ I asked, thinking of the four sons Vald was so proud of.

‘No. They came after. It was a source of constant resentment for her apparently. If she’s given birth to the son of the King he would likely have married her. This was before Thror and the late Queen married.’ He clarified.

‘And you think that if I gave birth to Thorin’s son he would marry me?’ I said, unable to keep the accusing note from my voice.

‘I…yea…no…that’s not what I meant. You would be better treated with him; he wouldn’t allow it otherwise.’ He said, looking taken aback.

‘What of me when he’s finished with me? I would be soiled goods.’

���Don’t be so stupid Hlita, nobody thinks like that anymore.’ He said, his cheery façade fading slightly.

‘Our parents do.’

‘They haven’t lived in civilisation recently; their views are old.’ He said dismissively.

He was right in some ways, things did seem to have moved on from what our parents believed, but I found I worried more about my parents disappointment than from strangers sneers.

‘It doesn’t mean that they would approve of me liaising intimately with the future King.’

‘Would the two of you keep your voices down.’ A voice said from an out of the way alcove in the wall.

Dwalin stepped out a moment later, looking me up and down as he did.

‘You look tired, you should be going to bed to rest before tending the Prince tomorrow.’ He said, ushering us to carry on down the corridor.

‘I’m not tending him; I’ve already told him I’m not.’ I said quickly.

Dwalin’s face, already grim, seemed to gain an even more unpleasant aspect.

‘You’ve…Oh joy, he’ll be in a temper tomorrow. In pain and having his wounds looked at by someone Vald chose.’ He said sullenly.

‘He’s a grown dwarf, he’ll cope.’ I said, trying to brush it off.

‘You’d be surprised. He likes to get what he wants.’ Dwalin grumbled on.

‘That’s no revelation.’ I said.

Dwalin grumbled some more under his breath.

‘Do I really need both of you as escorts?’ I asked, looking at the two of them walking on either side of me.

‘If you’re stopped I have the authority. Your brother just wants to see you safe.’ Dwalin said sombrely.

‘Oh, all right. Thank you.’

We walked the rest of the way in silence, not meeting anyone on our way, a circumstance for which I was glad. Even though Dwalin had the right to walk where he liked, I wasn’t sure how many people know Hlifen was my brother. Questions would be raised over why I was seen walking the corridors with two members of Thorin’s guard.

‘This is me.’ I said as we reached my door.

As I opened it I saw them both peer past me and into the small chamber I inhabited. I stepped into the doorway to prevent them seeing too much and said

‘Thank you again for seeing me back.’

‘Sleep well sister.’ Hlifen said, not looking as cheerful as he had done earlier.

‘Goodnight.’ Dwalin said.

I watched them go through the gap in the open door, shutting it only when they were out of sight. I looked at my bed and let out a tired sigh before changing into my nightdress and climbing into it. As I closed my eyes I buried my face into my pillow, imagining I was lying in a warm bed filled with goose feathers.

It had been nearly two weeks since the battle had ended and life in Erebor had almost regained its normality, if it hadn’t been for the wounded soldiers walking the corridors. The morning after taking care of the Prince’s injuries I had accidentally overslept, and was woken by Vald storming into my room and yanking my covers from me. She screeched about my laziness and sloppiness; ordering me to go out and start cleaning until she told me to stop.

Still tired from the previous night I just nodded and did what I was told. I didn’t know what time it was when I got back to my room. Vald had found me herself, a self-satisfied smirk on her face, to tell me I could finish for the day. This routine continued until I was so tired I would get back to my room and try to cry myself to sleep, but no tears came.

One evening I was walking back to my room when I heard voices ahead. As much as I was ashamed of it, I didn’t think twice about quickly ducking into the nearest storeroom to avoid making eye contact with the servants. Things had managed to get so dire that I was keeping away from anyone who might report back to Vald.

When I recognised the voices, I was even more glad for finding a hiding place. Daldria would spread gossip faster than anyone else, and she was Vald’s favourite information gatherer. Gidmegg, however, was todays recipient of information, and, to my horror, they seemed to think stopping outside the door to my hiding place was the best place for a private talk.

‘Slow down Daldria, say that again.’Gidmegg said gleefully.

‘He won’t tell anyone who stitched him back up and no one else has said they have. It can only be one person.’

‘Who?’

‘The one who we never seem to hear anything about.’

‘The new girl? What would she have to do with anything, she’s barely been here five minutes’ Gidmegg asked.

I knew they were talking about me; I was the newest member of staff. I was disconcerted that they had managed to guess I was the one who had sewn up the Prince’s wounds so quickly. The rumour mill must have been working overtime.

‘Oh, come on, you know there’s a reason why Vald won’t let her do jobs near the Prince. She’s angling for a position with him, specifically one that puts her directly beneath him.’ Daldria mocked.

‘No! Why haven’t I heard of this?’ Gidmegg said excitedly.

‘Vald has been keeping it quiet. She wants to put a stop to it. Can’t have a serving wench throwing herself at the quality.’ Daldria replied smugly, pleased at her companion’s reaction.

‘But if he’s been keeping it quiet too it suggests it’s mutual?’

‘Vald won’t have it. They must have been meeting in secret, and why would he have deliberately searched out a scrawny little serving girl? And what would a male as virile as him want with her anyway? No, Vald is right, this is all her.’

‘What will Vald do about it? She has no power over Prince Thorin, and he does not suffer fools.’

‘Yes, but Vald is no fool. She’ll do what it takes.’

‘But what if she’s already opened her legs for him? What if he sired a child with her?’ Gidmegg asked.

My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. How could this be happening? Malicious gossip over the most private aspects of my life was travelling around the mountain indiscriminately.

‘Then she and her ill begotten offspring will lose everything. He has no ties to a serving girl, he need not have any honourable intentions towards her.’ Daldria replied.

‘And what of the child?’

‘What about it? He’s a cold man, he won’t care, not when it could be anyone’s, and Vald will make sure that’s what he thinks.’

‘How will she do that?’

‘I’ve seen her having a cosy conversation with Dwalin, just imagine how many more there could be.’ Daldria said, jogging the memory of when I was talking to Dwalin before the battle, and she had walked past.

‘Dwalin? The Prince won’t like that at all.’ Gidmegg said.

‘No, he won’t. Even more of a reason to put a stop to it.’

‘Well, we all know Vald is like a dog with a bone when she’s made up her mind.’

‘We do. I’ll let you know if I hear anything else.’ Daldria said, her voice fading as the pair started to walk away.

‘Please do, you know how I like…’ Gidmegg said, but her voice went out of my earshot before she finished her sentence.

I felt feeble. I knew I was being talked about, my unpopularity proved that, but to hear it for myself was more than I was prepared for. When all was silent out in the corridor I opened the door, and walked as quickly as I could back to my room.

As I shut my door, exhausted and emotional, I realised that the Prince was probably right when he had said that I would be worked to death here. It would be a convenient way of disposing of me from Vald’s point of view. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t like giving up, but there was only so much more of this I could take.

I was still mulling over my options a few days later when, returning from cleaning the corridor to the armoury, a line of soldiers passed me. Following at the rear of the troop was the Prince, walking soundly under light armour. He took a double take when he saw me and stopped, waiting for the other men to continue onwards.

‘Hlita, I want you to come to my room tonight to remove my stitches.’ He said, bowing his head to mine so he did not have to raise his voice.

‘Yes, My Lord.’ I said quietly, pleased that he had chosen to ask me at a time when nobody unpleasant was going to witness.

‘You need not inform anyone. Come after you have finished.’ He said.

Surprised at his newfound sense of discretion I nodded.

‘Yes, My Lord. It might be quite late.’ I added, not wanting to think that my lateness was out of disobedience or because I had forgotten.

‘Then I will be waiting.’ He said, and turned to leave.

I watched him go, noting his even gait again and hoping his leg would not be something I had to worry about later on. I then remembered that the Prince as a whole was a worrying prospect. I had to ask myself why I was looking forward to this evening, after all I had overheard, but I knew why.

Dwarves were a proud race, almost insufferable at times, and I couldn’t deny that I could be as bad as the worst of them. My pride now made me feel as though I should be worthy of the Prince’s attentions. My common sense told me differently, but my pride was leading the argument, and I wanted his love more than I could express.

Vald dismissed me at quarter to midnight. My hands were shaking, but whether from exhaustion or from the cold, I could not tell. I went back to my chamber to change my soiled clothing for something worn but clean, and collect my medicine bag.

I started my walk briskly, but I soon realised that a slow hobble was probably better suited to how tired I was. I needed to save some energy for dealing with the Prince. Between my chamber and the Prince’s my luck ran out as far as empty corridors were concerned. I passed three servants and a miner, though I wasn’t worried about what the miner thought, my fellow servants would no doubt convey my movements to Vald. I should have said no to him; I should have told him to find someone else to remove his stitches.

On reaching his door I knocked and waited for the command to come in, but the door opened instead to reveal a half-naked prince. As my eyes widened at his bare chest, his face broke into a grin.

‘Bolt the door after you.’ He said, and turned away to go to his bed.

I did as I was told, glad to be shutting the door this time. I was less worried about him this time, and more concerned over being found in his room with him.

‘You’ve changed your dress since earlier.’ He said, sitting down on the bed and facing me.

‘How did you know that?’ I asked. All the dresses I worked in were the same and when he saw me earlier the dress I had been wearing was clean.

‘This one has a rip in it, or had a rip in it. You have sewn it up, but the thread has come loose.’ He said, reaching over to tug gently at the loose thread at my hip. ‘You made a better job of stitching me.’

‘You’re more important than a tatty old dress.’ I said, stepping back to rifle through my medicine bag for a small sharp knife.

‘Am I, indeed?’ he said.

I did not reply to this, thinking that I was likely to make the conversation awkward if I did, and I felt too tired to be able to talk myself back out of it. I stood up, knife in hand, and looked him over, wondering where to begin. It was only now that I realised that the bandages had been taken off. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the task ahead. I just needed enough energy to keep my knife steady, then I could go to bed.

‘I’ll start with your shoulder, if you don’t mind.’ I said, approaching him again.

‘I don’t mind.’ He said.

I knelt on the bed beside him and started to cut through the stitches and remove the threads.

‘Have you only just finished working?’

‘Yes. I went to change my dress on my way here though. I hope you weren’t waiting too long?’

‘I would have waited all night for you with no complaint.’ He said.

‘You would definitely have complained if I had made you wait all night, you just wouldn’t have said anything to my face.’ I said as I moved on to the stitches on his back.

‘You know me well.’ He sniggered.

I managed to finish the rest in silence. When I reached the stomach wound I felt more aware of his body than last time and was very glad that all I had to do was remove the stitches rather than sew them. I had a feeling I would have made them as messy as the ones holding together my dress.

‘How’s your leg? I haven’t noticed you limping.’ I asked, as I stepped away to pack up my belongings.

‘I wouldn’t limp in front of my people.’ He grumbled, still sitting on the bed.

‘You are as stubborn as an old mule. You were in battle, no one would have said a word about you limping.’ I retorted.

‘I am second in line to the throne, I won’t be seen to be less able than my father.’ He said, a bitter note to his voice.

‘Your father wasn’t hit in the thigh with an orc hammer though.’ I muttered. He grunted, and I knew he’d heard me, but did not argue. ‘Would you like me to look at it? Has the person changing your bandages been putting on the salve like I said?’

‘No, I’ve been applying it myself.’ He said.

‘What? Why? It must have been a struggle for you with your wounds.’ I said, my head snapping round to look at him from my spot on the floor.

‘I didn’t want them touching me there.’ He said.

‘You let me.’ I said in disbelief.

‘I let you.’ He said, looking down at me so intensely, so penetratingly that I knew what he meant by saying those words.

I stood up and backed away towards the door and the only escape.

‘My Lord, I…’ I said, my voice higher than normal.

‘No, Hlita, listen to me. Please don’t run. I haven’t had any wine tonight; I know what I’m doing.’ He said, getting up and catching me

‘No, no, no! I’m too tired for this My Lord, please. I’m dead on my feet, I can’t cope with fending you off.’ I said, trying to struggle away.

Even though he wasn’t holding me tightly, I simply did not have the energy to get away, but I continued tried anyway.

‘I don’t want you to fend me off. My intentions are genuine.’ He said, sounding distressed.

‘Don’t say that. They’re talking already, I cannot let myself sink lower in their eyes.’

‘Who’s eyes?’

‘Everyone’s. They know I’ve spent a lot of time with you, they are making connections. I’ve heard what they say, I don’t want more!’

‘What are they saying?’ He growled fiercely, but I shook my head, my eyes filling with long held back tears, not wanting to repeat the words I’d heard to him. I knew I’d felt ashamed at what I’d overheard, what I didn’t realise was how deeply those words had affected me.

‘Hlita, tell me.’ He said in a softer voice, albeit still holding the same authoritative quality. I looked up into his eyes, which were worriedly analysing me closely. His face swam as the tears started to fall. I hung my head.

‘That I should have kept my legs closed and realised that a Prince would not have honourable intentions to a serving girl. That it would only be a matter of time before you got me into trouble and that I would be thoroughly deserving of losing my livelihood and my home because of my ill begotten offspring.’ I said softly.

‘They had no right…’ he growled.

‘Whether they had a right to say it or not, they spoke the truth.’ I said in a stronger voice, starting to feel agitated again.

‘No, they did not. I do not deny I want to bed you…’

‘Then let me go! Thorin please, I can’t give you that, I can’t!’ I said pulling back.

‘Hlita let me finish. Just calm down and…you called me by my name.’ he said, a fascinated look overcoming his features.

‘I…I…Oh no, I’m sorry My Lord, it won’t happen again.’ I said and renewed my panic to tear away from him. His vice like grip held me firm, however.

‘Hlita, Hlita stop struggling! I want you to call me by my name! I want to marry you!’

‘No, no you don’t, let me go!’

‘Hlita, calm down for one moment, let me explain.’ He held me firm until I did, my limbs stiff but still, taking a few deep breaths and then sagged into his arms.

I wanted to collapse, my eyes closed, imagining what it would be like if I could let myself be with him.

‘I’m a servant, you can’t marry me.’ I mumbled unhappily, starting to feel myself drifting into sleep.

‘You are of good linage, I have made enquiries. The line of Bloodfury is an acceptable match.’ He said into my hair.

‘But…’ I said faintly.

‘But what?’ he asked.

‘But…I’m so tired.’ I slurred.

‘Sleep then, I’ve got you.’ He said.

‘I need to go…my own room. Don’t let go of me.’ I said, leaning more of my weight onto him.

I didn’t know what I was doing or saying. I just wanted him to hold onto me, and give me the safety and security I was desperate for.

‘What do you want me to do?’ I heard him ask from what felt like a great distance.

‘Sleep.’                      

With that, I drifted off and could remember no more.

I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was more warm and comfortable than I could ever remember being. I didn’t know how my hard little bed had managed to feel this luxurious, perhaps I was just imagining it, but I knew I would have to start work soon. I was just contemplating getting up, when I realised that the pillow I was lying on was considerably larger than the one I owned. Not only was it larger, but it seemed to be rhythmically moving of its own accord.

My eyes snapped open. For a moment I was paralysed with shock. My head was cushioned, not on a pillow, but on the Prince’s broad chest. My right hand rested on his bare stomach, with his left hand gently covering it. Other than his hand, there was no sign of his forcing me into this position. Whatever had happened overnight, I was there by my own will.

I looked down at myself, I was still fully clothed and the Prince seemed to be how I remembered him from last night. Thorin himself still seemed to be fast asleep. I decided it would be better to try and keep him that way until I had recollected why I was here in the first place. I let out an imperceptible sigh and relaxed for a moment to try and recall what had happened the previous night.

I could remember being in his arms, weak and frustrated. I could remember finally feeling my barriers surrounding him come down, but I couldn’t summon up why. Whatever it was, I didn’t feel worried about the situation I had found myself in.

I curled up closer to him. He mumbled something in his sleep and the hand that was covering mine twitched. I smiled. I was turning far too soft on him for someone who couldn’t remember why. The sooner I found out the better.

Found out. That triggered something. What if someone found us like this? I jolted upright. Was the door locked? I struggled to extricate myself from the blankets, but before I was free, two calloused hands had gripped my shoulders and I found myself falling backwards onto the cushions.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’ a startlingly awake looking Prince said, staring down at me while resting his weight on one arm.

‘The door, what if someone walks in?’ I said, awkwardly pointing towards the door.

‘You locked it last night before removing my stitches, don’t you remember?’ he said, smiling.

‘I…Oh…’ I said, vaguely remembering something about that the night before.

‘You silly goose, do you remember anything from last night?’ he said, still looking full of good humour.

‘Not really, why didn’t I go back to my own room?’ I said, shaking my head, curious to hear what had happened.

‘You collapsed, you were so tired. I didn’t think you’d want me to carry you back to your own room in case someone saw, so I was left to obey your order as best I could.’

‘What order?’ I asked, confused as to why I had given an order, and even more so to why he had obeyed it.

‘You told me not to let you go, shortly after I asked you to marry me.’ He said, cautiously, as though he didn’t want to see my reaction to his words.

I opened my mouth, but no words came forth. I was so desperately trying to remember last night that I wasn’t able to concentrate on speaking, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t recall the specifics. I knew he was telling the truth however, and my comfort with him this morning proved that something had subconsciously changed within me.

‘You didn’t give me an answer.’ He said.

‘Did I not?’ I said, trying to hide a smile.

He shook his head minutely, the small smile on his lips not entirely erasing the doubt in his eyes.

‘What was the question again?’ I asked, provocatively.

‘Will you consent to be my wife?’ he said, the fear and doubt more present than ever.

‘I will.’ I said, on an outbreath.

His face broke into a grin as, conversely, a feeling of fear suddenly overwhelmed me. It must have shown on my face, as his smile faltered.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, his face showing genuine concern.

‘What will your father say?’ I said, sitting up slightly to rest myself on the pile of cushions at my back.

‘He will not object.’ He said, backing away ever so slightly to give me some more room.

‘He knows your intentions?’

‘No, but he will.’

‘What about the staff? They don’t like me as it is, and I’m one of them. They won’t like you marrying me.’ I said.

‘You can’t make your decisions based on what other people think.’ He scolded.

‘I haven’t, Thorin, but we need to be aware of it.’ I said, but at my words his eyes twinkled and he smiled again ‘What?’

‘I knew I’d like it when you say my name.’ he said.

I huffed and swatted his arm. He merely chuckled at my reaction and leant in to gently brush his lips over mine. When I didn’t object, he pressed in closer and intensified this kiss. I threw a hand out to touch his chest, needing something to anchor myself to. I had been kissed before, but never like this. My heart was pumping blood around my body like I had never experienced. I felt like I did when confronted with orcs or goblins, fired up and ready for action. Though I wasn’t sure what action I really wanted now.

He didn’t get very far when he eventually leant back again, choosing to close the gap and rest his forehead on mine. This intimate dwarven gesture was one saved for love and loyalty. My eyes glazed over.

‘Why me, Thorin?’ I whispered.

‘Why do you need to ask that question?’ he said, tilting his head and rubbing his nose along mine.

‘Because I’m…I’m hardly P…Princess material. I’m not demure and beautiful. I don’t even have a proper beard, and looking at my figure, I don’t know how long it would be before I could get with child, if I ever could…’ I blurted out, my speech getting faster and faster as I went.

He stopped me by touching his lips on mine again. It was effective and I was, not unhappily, silenced.

‘We’re both young enough to worry about children later, you are beautiful, I’m glad you’re not demure and, you might not make a very good Princess, but you’ll make wonderful Queen.’ He said.

‘How can you say that when nobody likes me?’ I pushed back.

‘They don’t like you because of Vald, yes I am aware of that circumstance. I knew she was working you hard, but I didn’t think it had got this bad.’ He said, sitting back and looking at me guiltily.

‘You told me before that I would be worked to death.’ I said, reminding him of an earlier conversation.

‘I didn’t really think you would. I was cross with you for standing up to me. Why are you so defiant with me and not with Vald?’ he asked.

‘Vald terrifies me. Which reminds me, I need to get to work. The last thing I want is for her to catch me walking away from your chamber at this time in the morning.’ I said, reluctantly making to get out of bed.

‘You’re not going back to work.’ Thorin said, and I turned to see the familiar frown back on his face.

‘Of course I am. Why not?’ I said, mirroring his frown.

‘Because you are betrothed to me, you have no need anymore.’ He said, turning to get out of the bed on his side.

‘I…Until you have spoken to your father and the King…’ I started.

‘You don’t trust me.’ He interrupted crossly.

‘If I didn’t trust you I would have bolted from this bed ages ago. I simply think it would be good if I didn’t do anything that would be considered suspicious.’ I said in a matter of fact tone.

‘What’s going on?’ he asked suspiciously.

‘What do you mean?’ I said, trying and failing to sound like I didn’t know what he meant.

‘Why are you so worried? You are under my protection, my family’s protection. You have no need to panic.’ He said, stepping towards me and taking my hands.

I paused for a moment, thinking about how to phrase this.

‘How much sway does Vald hold with your grandfather?’ I questioned.

‘Ah, you’ve heard about that, have you?’ At my nod he continued. ‘The truth is, I don’t know. I’ve never taken much interest. Why do you think she would cause a problem?’

‘I’ve heard things…’ I said.

‘Like the things you were telling me last night?’ he asked.

‘Did I tell you last night…’ I said, trying to gather any muddled thoughts I could summon up.

‘You told me some things. I’m just worried Hlita, I don’t want you working with those who wish you harm.’ He said.

‘I will stop after you’ve spoken to the King, but until then I don’t want Vald getting there first and sowing a bad seed in his mind.’

I hoped I was sounding reasonable, and his nod gave me cause for relief.

‘So, it’s up to me then?’ he asked, the frown lifting.

‘It looks like it. If it’s any comfort to you, I feel much better for spending a night in your bed.’ I said, squeezing his hands and closing the gap between us.

‘Come back tonight.’ He said, burying his face in my hair.

‘I would love to but…’ I started.

‘You don’t think it’s a good idea?’ he finished.

‘No.’

‘You’re probably right.’ He agreed.

‘I’d better go.’ I said quietly, not wanting to leave the warmth of his body.

‘Wait a moment.’ He said, darting away to a set of stone drawers and opening one.

After a brief rummage around he came back, holding out his clenched fists to me.

‘Pick one.’ He said

I tapped his right knuckles and he turned his hand over and opened it. Resting in his palm was a sapphire ring.

‘When it’s announced officially you can wear it on your finger, but until then.’ He opened the other fist where a silver chain curled in his hand. ‘You can wear it as a necklace.’

‘You don’t need to.’ I said, taken aback.

He threaded the chain through the ring and, although the chain was long enough to slip over my head, he stepped behind me and fastened it round my neck. It was a small, intimate gesture that I hadn’t expected.

‘I do. This is my promise to you. I know it doesn’t look like much, but the sapphire is of the finest quality, and it’s set in Moria Mithril.’ He said, as though he was justifying the gift.

‘Mithril…’ I said thoughtfully.

‘Is there a problem?’

‘No…it’s just very expensive.’ I said, looking at the ring more closely.

The workmanship was very fine, lots of small details in the metalwork that brought out the beauty in the stone rather than overshadow it.

‘It is. I wouldn’t give it to you unless I was serious, and I am. I know I get brash and forward, and I know I’ve made more than one pass at you before now. Your constant refusal has given me more respect for you than any other female of my acquaintance.’

‘My stubbornness earned your respect?’ I said surprised.

‘You stand up for what you believe in. Even if I don’t like it.’ He said, turning me round to face him at close quarters.

‘I think you like an argument.’ I teased, looking up into his eyes.

‘I’m beginning to think that I do too.’ He gazed at me softly and leaned down to kiss me. ‘Go to work then, if you must.’

‘I will. Let me know how things go.’ I said, finally able to head to the door unhindered.

‘I will.’

[notjaxbii]

recap

Gratitude

I'm really happy that I found work at sushisushi!! I've grown a lot in different ways being able to interact with many different kind of people. I felt a little out of place cause I was the only who couldnt speak canto but overtime it felt like a second home. Seriously my fucking manager is the BEST. I'm sad he had to leave us. I learnt a lot about life in general when you become older, the struggles and loneliness. I'm no longer a kid now. I became close friends with people I never talked with in highschool. Mia and Darren, are the best. They’re a lot more calm and nicer to talk with than most of my other friends and they REALLY care about whats going on with ur life. they really remind me of sandy. I did really well in my computer science course, I studied hard to get good grades. However i feel really under accomplished and hope to intern soon next year.

Grim

I fought a lot with suki, I made some people grow distant from me. As much as i yearned for friendship, Im still really naive when it comes to being a good person. its fucking impossible I think to myself, to be friends with everyone at once when you get socially tired of people real quick. there are weeks where I just want to stay home and not deal with drama. but i feel thats just what happens with my type of friends. drama comes and goes. things escalate when you try to avoid it.

Mindful

I'm more aware of whats holding me back. i still have pretty bad self esteem. i dont want people thinking im a snowflake so i dont tell people anthing at all, but i wish theyd be mindful. I ghosted some people who I thought were toxic.

Hope

I dont think im ready for the adult life / grind. Theres some parts of my childhood that havent been fulfilled yet. I really held back when I was a child, and this only gave me a bleak outlook on life. I wish I was still a kid. Its strange but i wish i could cope with loneliness, so i dont need to rely on friends. I dont think about it a lot because i think i have better things to do with my time.