#then she compared me to my friends who are all doing extracurriculars when I'm not

[chrissbluehat]

Nervous

Pairing : y/n and Chris Sturniolo 

Summary: you lived a pretty standard life, you kept to yourself mostly, and never felt you drew the eyes of anyone. Though this always felt conflicting when comparing yourself to friends. This was until a boy came into your life and flipped it completely around.

I hope you guys enjoy this, the later parts will get more interesting and I'm starting to write part 2

Warnings : drinking

Part 1 

I was stuck at Lily's party. I hated every aspect of parties, call me a loser, nothing will change my mind about them. I didn’t see the appeal of being around drunk, messy teenagers claiming to be having the time of their lives minutes before spewing their guts in a corner and joining the lot that were already passed out. If you ever catch me in this state, please know I'm probably going through some kind of personal hell. I only came to this party because Lily is my friend and I didn't want to reject her invitation and look like a bad friend for not going and enjoying the comfort of my bedroom while everyone else was there.

I headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a drink and retreated towards my friends,  I was a social drinker, in the sense that I only drank if practically forced to, my friends claimed “no guys are ever going to like you if you look like you don’t know what fun is”, so I would carry around the same bottle the whole night and take a couple sips out of it to avoid judgement from my friends. As I returned I noticed that each of them had a guy around their waist, clinging onto them as if their lives depended on it. I had no clue who they were really, I knew they were on one of the sports teams because that's all Chloe knows about her little fling, clearly the two didn’t do much talking. I would say I don't blame her but he’s a hunch blonde, so not really my kind of guy, but you can’t be too picky in this day and age especially me. I stand awkwardly with the group, feeling isolated around this gathering of people looking for the one person that makes me feel any comfort in situations such as these.

“Jenna!”, I exclaim, with a sigh of relief. She was probably my closest friend, I confined in her for everything and she was like my other half and I would never let anything come in between that and neither would she. She was like an extraverted version of myself which is why we probably got on so well, we balanced each other out in ways others didn’t. She was the one that introduced me to the girls in my group after she started going to more outgoing extracurricular activities at school that I'd avoided. Though at times I felt I didn't understand the girls, I still loved them.

“Y/N!” She hugged me, being careful not to spill the drink in my hand. 

“Where have you been? I've been looking for you all night”. Honestly I was kind of lost without her, but I'd never admit that to her because I don't want her to feel obligated to be around me.

“Hayden”, she rolled her eyes with a giggle causing me to reciprocate her expression. “He told me to come and get him from his house so I've driven all the way there and guess what?”, she pauses

“What?”, I laugh.

“He’s fast asleep and totally forgotten about the whole thing, I tried to get him up and force him to come but the lump wasn’t barging”. We laughed together at the course of events. Jenna and Hayden had been together for 2 years and of all the high school relationships I've seen they’re the only pair I bet will last, touch wood. They gave me a little bit of faith in the men of today as he clearly loved her for much more than the average teenage boy would. I honestly didn’t even mind third wheeling around them, probably because the both weren’t keep on PDA which was good for me, they weren’t a cringfest like the rest of my friends with their boyfriends, you could tell they were just very comfortable around each other as as Jenna’s friend that made me happy to see.

Jenna looked down at my half full drink and gave me a smile, “are you still on your first one?”,

“Of course, I'm not drinking more than I need to”, I laughed, Jenna slightly grabbing my arm as she laughed on me. 

The topics between us changed fast and ended up on school, my focus slightly drifted as I noticed a brunette approaching the group of boys. I felt like I knew him for somewhere but I couldn’t figure it out which bothered me slightly, but I think that was showing on my face and I focused back on what was around me and realised the boy was smiling at me, a lightly blushed in embarrassment at the fact he noticed I was staring at him so hard. He started consuming my thoughts, an unfamiliar feeling as I never particularly cared for guys the way I was right now. I tried avoiding eye contact with him but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head, god the power his stare had on me and I didn’t even know him, it didn’t help that they were a pretty blue shade, not the shade that terrifies and beams at you, it was gentle. His hair covered his face slightly and was ‘long’ but didn’t look neglected which was different, I couldn't imagine that suiting anyone other than him. It looked soft and kind of bouncy. He was overall pretty handsome. He wasn’t too tall but he was taller than me so that's all that mattered. I laughed to myself, regaining my attention on Jenna. 

“What are you giggling about, were you even listening?” she raises her eyebrows, smiling, she could never pretend to be mad at me. 

“Oh nothing”, smiling to myself still, I had no idea what this guy was doing to me, I had been around him for no longer than a minute and he had been acting like an idiot. I could feel my cheeks burning up again and decided I should probably go and step outside and reconnect with nature. “I’m going to go outside on the porch for a bit”. 

“Okay. We will probably still be in here when you come back”, we smile as I step out of the room and down the hall. The evening air hits me as I step outside, the loud music bassless from here and overall more peaceful, apart from the small gatherings that were also outside, mostly just smoking which didn’t bother me too much as long as they didn’t exhale near me. I walk towards a bench by the house and sit, resting my face in my hands contemplating that whole situation. Why was he looking at me like that? It all felt weird and different, a good different though. I wasn't exactly opposed to the feeling, I just simply wasn’t used to a guy looking at me like that. While lost in thought footsteps began to approach from behind me, I then heard an unfamiliar voice.

“Hey”, I looked up to see who it was and jumped a little realising it was the same guy that was looking at me back in the house. 

“Hi”, I tried not to blush as the realisation hit me. I needed to control myself, the blushing was getting ridiculous. “What are you doing out here?”,

“Oh I just came to talk to the mysterious pretty girl from earlier”, I giggled in response. In that moment the thoughts in my head were spiralling, he just called me pretty. I thought to myself, I must have misheard him. Maybe he wears glasses? There's no way he's talking to me. I then looked away from his blue eyes and to his hands and there laid his drink. He didn’t mean it, I knew it. I was so stupid for thinking that, even giving the thought a chance. 

He smiled at me and sat down next to me, a little too closely. I would have enjoyed the moment if it wasn’t for the fact he was drunk. I half smiled back at him and went back to looking forward. 

“You don’t seem like your friends”, he suddenly said. My head snapped as I heard this. I knew I wasn't but I didn't realise it was that obvious to outsiders. 

“What do you even mean by that”,

“Well for one you’ve been holding the same drink in your hand all night,” his head tilting towards the bottle that I'd abandoned on the floor next to the bench I was sitting at. My eyes followed him to the ground and then I looked back at him furrowing my eyebrows slightly. 

“I’m just not much of a drinker”,

“Do you pretend for them or something”,

“No, I'm not some people pleaser,” turning my head away from him, slightly annoyed at his words. “How do you know those guys? I know they are all on some sports team, but I know you don’t play”.

He smirks slightly “how do you know that?”,

“I go to the games because of my friends, get over yourself,” I laugh slightly and so does he. 

“I actually used to play but stopped a while ago. That's how I met them in the first place, and we played lacrosse. I get why you wouldn’t know that it's not widely popular I guess,” he tilts his head down slightly as he talks about playing. 

“Why did you quit?”, I say looking for his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” He turns away slightly, his pretty eyes starting to glass over, his eyebrows furrow and he looks as if he is about to cry. 

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude”,

“No you’re good you wouldn’t have known,” he turned his head back to me and gave me a faint smile. “Anyway what’s your name, I forgot to ask?”, standing up and offering out his hand.

“Y/N, yours?”,

“Chris,” and it flooded back. I knew him from homeroom, that’s why I was so sure I'd seen him before, I knew not to mention this to him as I didn't want to come off as obsessed or something for realising so quickly, or even noticing him as he clearly hadn’t noticed me before. I stared at him for a moment.

“Well I guess I’ll see you around pretty girl”. 

My face started to heat up again. “I’m never getting over him”, I think to myself.

[tcookies777]

Life update - returning to college and how it feels as an older student

First off, for any new TAOL readers here, welcome! Thank you for your comments and for investing so much of your time in binging The Anatomy of Love. I just want to apologize again, to both older and newer readers, for my agonizingly slow comment moderation and my lack in replies. I'm not ignoring your comment out of maliciousness or anything like that - I just lack the time and mental energy but that is not to say I don't appreciate your support!

As many of you who've read my previous post and/or chapter ANs are aware of, I've returned to university to finish my 2nd degree. English/literature had always been a great passion of mine but not the most practical career path for me, so I had to quit it in my youth.

Years later, I'm finally pursuing my dream through the best english program my country has to offer and it is everything I could dream of. The academic quality is superb and every day I am working and studying myself to the bone, reading nearly a dozen books a week and typing papers until the words start swimming on the screen.

Among these joys lie the challenges as well. One being that I lean toward the older side of the demographics, which puts me in a minority as opposed to the many young and fresh-faced college students. I've made many friends and met many classmates who assume I am as young as them but their jaws drop when they realize my real age. There is certainly a discrepancy between us in terms of life experience and more, but it is also refreshing and often enlightening to hear perspectives and ideas from the young, creative minds of these trailblazers.

Being in different generations definitely feels weird at times, but what's truly strange - and even a little heartbreaking - is seeing all these young students strive so far and work so hard to the point that the competitiveness created becomes toxic and detrimental to their health.

I have a classmate who is taking 20 units worth of classes (when 12 is the average given how intense the workload is), has 3 part-time jobs, and commits 20 hours of volunteering a week. During an exam day, a window fell on him and broke his arm. Instead of going to the hospital, he insisted on taking his exam with a broken arm because he could not make time to accommodate for his wellbeing.

I met a freshman girl who suffered a mental breakdown when she got rejected from all the school clubs after dozens and dozens of interviews.

The reason behind all the intense competition is because many of these students are fresh out of high school where they've spent the past 4+ years committing to 10 extracurriculars and 20 Advance Placement classes and 1000 volunteer hours so that they can graduate at the top 1% of the class to (hopefully) attend such top universities. But it gets to the point where we're taught that instead of learning for the sake of learning, we're learning for the sake of getting that piece of paper aka the diploma.

And there are many professors who can recognize the difference between the former and the latter in a student of theirs. And there are many professors who will refuse to give even their A+ students a Letter of Rec because they feel that student is not genuinely passionate enough for whatever grad school or internship.

When I was 18 and crying over the stress of nursing school and feeling I was too dumb compared to everyone else, I wish I had someone to tell me to take a deep breath and RELAX.

So now I want to say it for any new or incoming college students that might be reading this: Relax.

Your career will not be over if you do not get into that club. Your social life is not dead just because nobody invited you to a frat party. You are not a loser if you don't have 10+ best friends. You getting a B or C on a paper does not mean your final grade can no longer be an A.

Yes, go to your professor's office hours but talk to them about things besides the coursework - let them get to know you as a person rather than as just a student. That's how they will really remember you among all the other students, and that's how they'll be able to write about you in their letter.

No, you're not dumber than everyone else. That's your imposter syndrome talking. I promise you that whatever idea, question, or concern you have about the course material, there is 100% another student in your class who shares the exact same thing. If you're struggling, 100% there are other students in your class who are struggling as much as you. Don't compare yourself to your peers because we're all battling our own problems and insecurities but we're just hiding it. Focus on yourself.

Be nice to everyone you meet no matter what because you never know what networking opportunities will arise in the near or far future out of that one interaction. Within 1 month of school, I was already offered an internship at a prestigious publishing house just because I let a girl in class borrow my book and we ended up becoming close friends. That network chain was conceived all because I was just nice enough to share my book with her in class.

Most importantly, be nice to yourself! You are smarter than you think you are. And just because you didn't achieve your goal, that doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault or you're a failure. Sometimes to get to your destination you need to take a different path compared to the path you see everyone else taking. And sometimes it's just not meant to be... yet.

Anyway, I'm extremely lucky and privileged to be able to say I am enjoying my 2nd round of university (especially after much pain and suffering in the first round). Which is a major reason why my updates for TAOL have been erratic and my comment moderation slow, but I will continue to do my best in updating whenever I can!

(And if there's even the slimmest chance one of you readers here might be attending the same uni as me, let's vote Chris Pine as our speaker! We must get the arts some representation and love)

Thank you for reading and I will see you soon in the next update 👀

[catsandnotes]

I know my mother hates me and deeps down wants to hurt me in the guise of giving the best to me (will edition)

I am extremely grateful that I have lived a privileged life: I had extracurriculars, tutoring, university tuition paid for and having a roof and food throughout until today without paying rent or being pressured to move out. This came with a big sacrifice: no sense of social intelligence, having very little friends, and not having the freedom to do what I want; not even allowed to go outside my house to throw the garbage unless under strict supervision in fear that something will happen to me.

In fact, a major regret I have was that I didn't move out for university like so many people had done, and they thrived and lived life, whereas I am still scared of not coming home under the implied "correct" time and walking on eggshells. I sometimes wish I could exchange some of my priveleges for freedom... I feel like a bird stuck in a cage for over 2 decades with little hope of getting out until many decades later.

My mother made me write a will... Not because I'm ill or that there is immenent danger against me and my assets, but rather to create a copy for my protection and so that I only need to update it whenever I need in the future. Sounds like a great plan, right? Instead, because of my lack of social relations and protective environment, I know absolutely no one. No one to be there for me after my death (my family is not trustworthy), nor do I want to scare the friends I trust with the fact that I have a will, on top of the fact that they themselves have major family issues to be responsible for if anything happens to them.

I misunderstood a note that she had written on my draft, and has instead decided to discredit me and imply that I am a liar by simple misunderstanding. That I made a bad decision because of how I misunderstood the note when in realty, that decision was something I crossed out long ago. I never wanted to make a will this early, but she pressured me into making one and is now angry that I haven't completed it after putting it on hold for at least a year. I don't even have many assets, just the regular assets a regular, middle-class university student would have. I don't have property, expensive assets, family secrets, or special wishes to make. What's the point of pressuring me to make a will other than to deeply wish me to my death?

I struggle to speak and think under her wrath. I can never be a normal person who reacts normally. Instead I freeze, I stutter, mutter, my brain is a mess. I am accused of things I am not for my entire life. I had been compared to the failure that my father is (her thoughts, but I can understand them). I am a failure, and have been made to think of myself as that. I have no aspirations because they would all be killed off by this woman. She has destroyed my hope for pursuing dreams, talking about my life, expressing myself, even simple things like my favourite shows. I'm deeply afraid that I will lose something if I don't listen to her every step. I know she won't let me survive out in the streets, but social outcasting and mental control is something she excels at and ensures it is enforced if I don't listen.

I wish I don't have a will to make. I don't and shouldn't be thinking about this now. I should be thinking about school, finding a career, hanging out with friends (even though I have none). I wish I could relive my childhood again with the knowledge I have now. At least if this bitch decides to be rude and disrespectful to me, I can at least have an escape to my interests, my work and school, and more friends to rely on.

[bambambunny]

my school counselor just said that you can choose to be focused and you can choose to get distracted

ma'am you are a counselor

have you never met a mentally ill person

[adoptedmadrigal2]

So, I made a doodle.

And I wanted to write a fic with it.

Here's the doodle

Please excuse my awful artwork I tried

Modern au dolores (11) going back to school

And here's the story to go with it

Dancer issues

"Lola, Have you got your dance bag?" pepa called from the van that Dolores and Isabela had just gotten out of.

"Si mama i got it, see you after dance!" dolores called as she entered the middle school for the first time.

"can you believe it Lola! we're in 6th grade, we're allowed our own house key now," isabela raved, this was the only time she was away from alma, and though she and dolores both kept up the reputation of the Madrigals being the kindest, and mostly best behaved children in the school, isabela could truly be who she was at school, which is a (for now) bisexual girl who can control flowers, and likes to wear edgy and colorful clothing.

After the end of their last year at their elementary school, they had the puberty talk just as you'd expect. Both the girls and boys were split up and shown a video that explained puberty in an age appropriate way.

Dolores was intrigued by the video, Isabela was embarassed by it.

But now that the pair was in middle school, they were reunited with their friends. and their extracurriculars were starting again.

For Isabela this meant, the annual school musical, volleyball in the winter, and softball in the spring. For Dolores, this was time for stage crew, choir, and dance. Dolores was also the junior dance coach for the musical.

When they got to the cafateria, they got their schedules and compared them. "Isa, we have all the same classes, except for these two, but those are our electives," Dolores told her cousin.

Once the bell had rang for class, the pair walked off to Mr Mendez's class for English.

After what felt like forever, the first day of school finally ended. And Dolores took the short walk with Isa down to the gym for her volleyball pre tryout boot camp, she barely caught the bus for her dance academy across town.

"Heey Lola, what dance classes are you taking?" Her best friend Sophia asked.

"I'm going into advanced contemporary, hip hop, jazz, and acro. Mi mama also signed me up for some solo lessons for competitions in December and January ." Dolores told

"Sweet, mi mami signed me up for advanced contemporary and hip-hop, are you just taking the class or are you gonna compete in the group dances?" Sophia asked

"I'm competing, duh," Dolores said,

"Good, it would be awful if the hip hop team lost their lead." Sophia said patting Dolores’s shoulder.

"Come on soph we gotta get changed, I have hip-hop first, you?" Dolores told as she grabbed her dance bag heading to the locker room in the studio.

"I have the same class as you, we've been competing together in hip-hop since we were three," soph said joking punching Dolores’s shoulder.

"Oh yeah, anyway, did you get any new dance wear over summer?" Dolores asked pulling on her old yellow dance top and matching shorts. It isn't like she didn't have new dance wear, she just wanted to get one last day of wear out of these before they got too small since they'd been her good luck charm since she was 9.

"Yeah, you? You've been wearing the same yellow getup for three years," Sophia teased

"Yeah I got some new sets but this is what I wore when I got my first hip hop lead, and every lead since then" Dolores defended as she slicked her short hair back into a low pony adjusting her headband/earmuffs accordingly.

After taking her hip-hop jazz and contemporary class, she had her acro, and then a two hour solo lesson to meet her new coach and do some skill assessments before they decide her solo competition piece and start working on choreography.

Her acro class was super fun, since it was the first day they had everyone do a easy combination, backhandspring followed by a press handstand, and a middle oversplit leap.

(I'm not an acro dancer, or a pro dancer at all I just kinda making up as I go right here)

Once she got to her solo lesson, she felt a bit weird, not bad weird just, a little more moist than she thought she should feel.

An hour in they were doing a skill assessment with her tumbling skills.

"Ok can you try to do an acro combination for me? I want you to do a dive cartwheel into a back handspring, then a side aerial back walkover. I want a step between the back handspring and side aerial." Her new coach Ms, Lily asked.

Ms lily was about 25, with short red hair, and pale skin. She was a kind soul and loved each of her students dearly. Because dolores loves being able to have a connection with her coaches and Ms lily likes the same, they'll likely get along well

Dolores went to the tumble track, and did as her coach asked. When she landed her coach wrote something down on her clipboard, before approaching dolores.

"Dolores, have you had your period before?" Ms lily asked.

"No miss," dolores answered

Ms lily hesitated before continuing.

"You just got your first period sweetie, it's on your shorts."

Dolores’s face almost turned white when she was told that.

Then her cheeks turned red and the silent panic began to set in.

"I have some pads with me, do you have extra shorts?" Ms lily told,

"Yeah, I'm sorry about this, I didn't think it happen any time soon," dolores said playing with the bracelet on her wrist.

"It's nothing to be sorry about honey, happens to the best of us. I remember my first one," Ms lily said as she dug in her dance bag.

"Here you go, do you know what to do?" Again dolores nodded and ran off to get changed.

Once she came back with the pad on and her black shorts, miss lily asked.

"Do you wanna continue with the lesson or do you want to take a small break and talk a little?"

"Can we talk for a minute, I still can't believe this just happened." Dolores said

"Of course, do you wanna hear my first period story, it was quite a mess," Ms lily asked

"It couldn't be that bad, could it?" Dolores asked.

"Oh it can, I was taking jazz with 7 boys. And other than the instructor I was the only girl. Not to mention but I was wearing neon green shorts. The guy behind me Jake I think his name was, he was my biggest rival in class, he pointed it out the blood, and I was absoloutely mortified, my solo coach for the season saw me run into the bathroom, and came to check on me. And yeah, I went back to class in my back up shorts and everyone teased me for about a month. Then it just stopped and that was that," Ms lily told.

"Wow, did you ever not dance because of your period?" Dolores asked

"Nope, one time I got my period at a competition in Bogota, my cramps were so bad that time, but they didn't stop me," Ms lily told,

"I'm not going to let it stop me either," dolores determined,

After the lesson when she finally was able to climb I to the back of her papa's jeep, that somehow her mama was driving, she told pepa what happened.

"Oh goodness mija, let's get you some pads and chocolate and head home," pepa said shifting into second gear after she merged onto the highway that cut through the encanto.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

After three incredible dates with a straight-identified woman, she ghosted me. I felt blindsided. Everything had been going well… or so I thought. She seemed genuinely interested in me and our last date ended with an hour-long make-out session!

When I asked our mutual friend, who introduced us, what happened, she told me bluntly, “Yeah, she was freaked out by the fact that you were bi.” Apparently, she was also too cowardly to tell me herself (or to at least make up a reason why she didn’t want to speak to me again).

I was shocked. On our multiple dates, she didn’t seem uncomfortable when I openly discussed my bisexuality. She even spoke about her time sexually exploring at Wellesley College, when she hooked up with other women.

In the weeks following the date, I thought to myself: if a woman who studied queer theory at one of the most progressive colleges in the United States couldn’t date me because of my bisexuality, then who the hell would ever date me?

Sadly, the woman I briefly dated is not alone in her beliefs. In a survey of over 1,000 women, conducted by Glamour in 2016, 63% of women said they wouldn’t date a man who’s had sex with another man. (This isn’t just men who identify as bi. This includes all men who’ve experimented with another man, even if it only happened once!) Still, 47% of women said they've been attracted to another woman, and 31% of women have had a sexual experience with another woman.

It seems that many women, even while acknowledging their own sexual fluidity, don’t want to date men who are sexually fluid.

In January of 2019, a new study, published in the Journal of Bisexuality, examined how bi individuals are perceived, both romantically and sexually, by straight women, straight men, and gay men. The study also explored if bi folks are perceived as being more masculine or more feminine than their straight counterparts.

The researchers recruited 224 heterosexual women, 120 heterosexual men, and 96 gay men to participate in the study. The participants were then asked to review fake Tinder-like profiles of men and women, where nothing would change besides the profile’s sexual orientation. (More specifically, profiles would have the same picture, bio, age, etc., only the person in the profile openly identified as either bisexual, heterosexual, or gay at random.)

Participants then received five statements and were asked to rate them on a 7-point scale from strongly disagree to strongly agree: “I find this person sexually attractive;” “I would like to go on a date with this person;” “I could find this person romantically attractive;” “I would like to have sex with this person;” and finally, participants were asked to rate how masculine/feminine they found the profile ranging from very masculine to very feminine.

First, the results indicated that straight women perceive bi men as being less romantically and sexually attractive than straight men. Second, straight women also reported that they were less likely to date and have sex with a bi guy. Lastly, bi men were perceived as being significantly more feminine than straight men.

While the researchers expected straight women to rate bi men as less romantically attractive, which has been supported by past research, lead author Neil Gleason, MA, found it surprising that the women surveyed rated bi men to be less sexually attractive.

“I'm not sure if this is tapping into stereotypes not addressed by previous research or if it is due to the tendencies of women's sexuality,” Gleason tells bi.org. “More specifically, that women tend to place greater emphasis on social and personal characteristics compared to men, when assessing sexual partners.”

A plethora of research has indicated that straight women prefer men with “traditional masculine qualities.” Thus, sexual attractiveness could also be influenced by the fact that these women rated bi men as being significantly more feminine appearing than straight men.

Gay men, on the other hand, didn’t hold any attraction prejudices against bi men. There were no significant differences in gay men’s rating of attractiveness and masculinity/femininity between gay, straight, and bi men. While this may indicate progress within the gay community, implying that gay men are beginning to believe less negative stereotypes about bi guys, the researchers were cautious with that interpretation of the results.

The gay men in the study were recruited from Facebook interest groups, such as groups for gay men in a certain city, or for gay men with particular sexual or extracurricular interests.

“Therefore, the group isn't necessarily representative of the wider community of gay men, so it's unwise to apply these results to the general population of gay men,” Gleason said.

Further research would have to look at how gay men respond to questions about bi men with a more diverse and representative sample of gay men.

Still, personally, I know that I fair much better dating gay men than I do straight women. In fact, the woman I went on three dates with was the last straight person I dated, and that was over three years ago.

This all begs the question, how can we, as bi men, find someone who wants to date us? The answer, I’ve found, is dating other bi people and/or gender non-conforming folks. With apps, it’s so much easier to date other bi/GNC folks now. In fact, on most apps, you can even filter by bi people.

Gleason summed it all up when he explained:

This and other studies suggest that there are still prevalent negative attitudes and stereotypes toward dating bisexual individuals, which unfortunately might mean more left-swiping or inconsiderate messages when you use these dating applications, especially for bi men. Our study didn't include bi-identified individuals, but other research has suggested that bi folks may have more ‘luck’ dating one another, likely due to shared experiences of stigma and misunderstanding, and less of a need to explain one's sexuality.

So, if you find yourself continuously struggling while dating straight and gay folks, the answer is get out there and find yourself another bi person!

[hollenius]

I'm so so sorry but I have to: Werner for the character meme (and/or Chuck McGill, if you can't think of anything!)

What the hell, I'm gonna do Werner AND Chuck

Werner

Fav thingabout him: He is so sweet; if I had a German uncle or grandpa or something, I'dwant him to be mine. He obviously takes his work very seriously too. He(initially) seems like a very cautious, careful sort of guy...unfortunatelythis attitude does not extend to all aspects of his life.

Least favthing: He's too sweet, dammit. His naivete and trusting nature made megenuinely angry, because I couldn't believe anyone could be so stupid aboutanything when he seemed fairly smart about everything else. I don't think youhave to be "street-smart" to understand that breaking out of an enclosedcompound without permission isn't the sort of thing you'd be allowed to getaway with. I was annoyed at how he felt like a plot device at the endthere--that he just existed to force Mike to have to kill him. It's a fault ofthe writing more than the character. Everyone could see the end coming from amile away, which is (as far as I can remember) unprecedented in the series.Even things that were heavily telegraphed and seemed obvious usually carriedsome sort of unforeseen twist, i.e. everyone thinking the lantern was going tobe involved in Chuck's death, but not knowing it was going to be a suicide. Thesecond they showed Mike building up a relationship with Werner, everyone knewexactly where it was headed. Also, this is a weird pet peeve, but I hate how healways called Mike "Michael". Bro, you've been working with him formonths, you are the only one who calls him that.

Fav line:(agh, unfortunately I can't recall any because I don't have any way ofrewatching season 4 at the moment. I love that he was courteous enough totranslate into English that he felt like he was going to throw up in the bumpyvan ride.)

brOTP: Him& Mike as cute old man drinking buddies.

OTP: Werner& his unseen wife, I guess. (That phone call before his death was so sad. I hope nothing happens to her, but this is the Breaking Bad Cinematic Universe, so bad things often happen to innocent people.)

nOTP: idk,Werner/Kai? I haven't really seen him shipped with anybody so I can't say Ihave any strong opinions on the matter.

randomheadcanon: (again, I need to rewatch all of season 4, because I remember thestory arcs, but not enough of the little details in dialogue and stuff.)

unpopularopinion: I have to admit, I don't know enough of what the popular opinions onWerner are to know what an unpopular opinion would be. I liked him, I just wishhis character arc felt less contrived and that he was treated like less of adevice. I also have seen some people in some places comparing him to Walt,which doesn't really make sense to me, because personality-wise they're justtoo far removed from each other. (Then again, people were even comparing dopeyPryce to Walter White, which was also a stretch!)

song Iassociate w/ him: I...I have no idea! Sorry. (So long, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodbye?)

fav picture: the cute little drawings @callmcgills did of him! (Also, ugh, the shot where he is, uh, shot...is beautiful. Depressing, but cinematically beautiful. I’m not posting that here though.)

 Chuck

Fav thingabout him: Honestly, as a fellow cowardly, anxiety-ridden, socially maladroit, perfectionistolder child, aspects of him are extremely relatable, frightening as that may beto admit. (My younger brother is of the slacker/moocher variety, rather thanthe con man variety, though.) I don't agree with everything he does, but I understandwhy he does it. (This is actually pretty similar to my attitude towardsSkyler's actions in Breaking Bad--I don't necessarily agree with her decisions,but I mostly understand why she acts the way she does.)

Least favthing: I think he should've been willing to at least put Jimmy on some sort ofprobationary path to HHM after he landed Sandpiper. HHM was under no obligationto hire Jimmy after he passed the bar (a lot of fandom seems to feel otherwise,which makes no sense! I don't think any other firm would've wanted to hireJimmy either!) Jimmy probably would've still managed to screw something up, butat least then if Chuck wanted to officially bar him from working for HHM forgood, Jimmy would know why, and what it was that he had done to cause that. Itdoes no good to punish someone if he doesn't even understand he's beingpunished, which is what the whole issue is in the first place with Chuck goingbehind Jimmy's back and using Howard as the perpetual bearer of bad news.

Fav line:"Because if there's one thing kids love, it's local printjournalism."

brOTP: lmao Chuck is bros with nobody except his space blanket, and his ol'sipping-scotch-and-chortling companion Howard, before that relationship gotdestroyed...

OTP: ...althoughI must also confess a SHAMEFUL desire to ship Chuck/Howard, because it's gotsuch a messed up power dynamic, because they've known each other for at least18 years, because Howard's clearly still so much in awe of Chuck (which Chuckprobably enjoys), and because neither of them seems to have any other friendsor close relationships. (Are we ever going to learn what's up with Howard'swedding ring? Even my mom thinks Howard is gay at this point! And what's upwith papa Hamlin? Did he die? Retire?) Canon-wise, I'm actually really curiousabout Chuck & Rebecca's relationship, because I have to wonder what it washe did that caused her to divorce him, but not bear any particular grudge oranimus towards him afterwards. He was clearly really upset about the divorce,but doesn't bear any ill-will towards her either. She doesn't appear to enteredinto any new relationship after the divorce either. It's all very mysterious.

nOTP: I can'ttell if this person was serious or not, but I swear I remember seeing someonepropose some theory that Kim had fucked Chuck at some point, and that's gonnaget a BIG NO from me.

randomheadcanon: oh god I've got like five hundred of them at this point. Themassive infodump that was Chuck's obituary in the season 4 premiere contributedto a lot of them, I think. I imagine Chuck's freshman year of college, at age14, was absolute hell for him. He was so proud to get accepted to an Ivy Leagueschool, but had been upset it wasn't a more prestigious one, like Harvard,Yale, or Princeton. (He had applied to them and had a few interviews, but unbeknownstto him, he had been heavily penalized in their byzantine admissions proceduresbecause, despite his sterling academic record, they didn’t find him outgoing or athleticenough.) His parents put him on the train to Philadelphia by himself, with afew suitcases, a map, and $50. He had no problems getting to the university,but was pretty overwhelmed right off the bat by the fact that everyone else wasolder and wealthier than him; he had dealt with this to some extent in high school, butnot to this degree (I headcanon his fictional alma mater, Francis Xavier HighSchool, as a typical Jesuit all-boys preparatory school that draws heavily fromupper-middle-class suburban families). Here he was, a literal child, thrustinto the adult world, and the world of the elites, at that. He probably feltself-conscious about things he hadn't even realized he could feelself-conscious about before, and spent at least a couple nights sobbing intohis pillow, and praying that his roommate couldn't hear him. He made a coupledesperate attempts to fit in, with a relatively low level of success (e.g. goingto a party and trying to impress people there by playing piano, only to get abeer spilled on him instead), before deciding it wasn't worth it and he wouldthrow himself singlemindedly into his classes and extracurriculars. He had hisfirst-ever panic attack sometime during his first semester, and wound up at thecampus doctor's office because he had convinced himself he was having a heart attack.On being told he was physically fine, he was indignant, but all the same, henever told his family about the incident, or anyone else either. Somewherearound this time, he also gets a letter from his parents, telling him he'sgoing to be a big brother in a few months, and won't this be exciting for him?(He wants to tell them his life is too exciting for him as it is, but saysnothing, instead writing back that he is sure having a younger sibling to helplook after will be the greatest experience of his life. He almost convinceshimself that he means it.)

unpopularopinion: I DON'T HATE CHUCK. (The most unpopular opinion of all!) He's myfavorite character on the show, with the obvious disclaimer that saying acharacter is my favorite doesn't mean I approve of all the character's actions,etc. Also, I know he's just a fictional character, but I'm still pissed offabout people celebrating that he killed himself & saying they hope it waspainful & stuff like that. Like, how much of an asshole do you have to be?What a horrible thing to say.

song Iassociate w/ him: Burning Down The House j/k, probably Faure's Sicilienne,because I too, cannot play it on piano without screwing up

fav picture: Not a picture, but I can’t resist.

[lifviakaza]

The Bullies

I was bullied the first 3-4 years in Primary School. Not sure why tho. I guess it's because my sister went to the same school and she's a very talkative, opinionated gorgeous little girl and many ppl hated and were afraid of her? Not sure, really. But I remember one day I came to school with a flooded chair and desk (yeah, God knows what kinda water they used to do it). Anyways, I didn't cry, just stood in front of the door waiting for a teacher to save the day.

Fortunately, my sister saw me first and asked what happened so I had no choice but to tell her the truth. And yeah, obviously, she went mad and did the same thing to all of the girl trouble makers and they cried :)

I don't remember much about my childhood, well basically any past activities even from a year ago yet I can clearly create some most beautiful and worst events from the past if they're very much significant in my brain.

Long story short, for some reason, these little girl bullies moved to another area pretty far away from my hometown leaving me and 5 other male students and 1 other female pupil that made us a group of 7. It was our 4th year at school and that was the beginning of my "Ketua Geng" moment leading all these boys. Like seriously, I was bullied so badly, I became the bully when they left. Me and the boys ended up bullying the one and only other female student in our class and also some juniors that didn't follow what I asked them to do like climbing a tree, being teased by us, etc.

Leveling up to junior high school, I didn't have all the boys with me anymore. No one taught me how to make friends, I guess everyone was busy with their own things or maybe I just don't remember those family moments so much. I made some friends anyway, don't know how. I also realized that I loved learning! I joined some organizations, courses, extracurriculars and so on. It just came naturally. I think it's because my cousin who's much older than me and are very well educated and she always brought me some books to read every day, from Bobo, novels, or just other kinds of books and most of the times I spent my days alone taking care of our small family shop. I wasn't bullied in junior high. I would say I became friends with everyone even to the 'minorities', one-two people who barely have their own 'gank'. They even reported to me if they're being bullied by someone, and I'd kick these bullies' asses and you know, their 'thing', cincayo:) These guys were afraid of me, "What kind of girl are you?! So mean!!" said one boy bully.

"WHAT? You ask that question to yourself, ass****! You punched a girl. Let's go to a shop and buy some bras for you. Tomorrow, wdys??"

LOL I was that brave, yeah. I was only afraid of my mum cz she liked to shout when scolding her children every time we made mistakes, and I, I don't like being yelled at, I don't like loud ppl and places, it drains my energy~

Talking about loud ppl, places, crowds, and others, I could freeze in the moment and just feel sick plus so so deeply saddened. Now that I've grown, when I see some kids being treated not the way 'real parents'/friends/family r supposed to treat them, I feel so hurt myself sometimes I end up crying in the bathroom or just inside my heart. I know, it might sound strange but it is what it is (:

So, why am I writing about this? Today there's a special teen in my class. He acts and talks differently (compared to the others ofc), he loses focus so fast, etc Then, there were 2 female teen bullies who laughed every time he spoke / acted 'funny'. It was a verbal insult in Russian, I could see the special kid's face and gestures were off every time he was being laughed at. The worse part is that his 'normal' twin sister was also in the same group witnessing her brother being insulted, bullied, whatnot.

I don't speak Russian, anyway, I'm paid very well because of this as I'm teaching English using full English. So I didn't know what to say, or do. I have some experiences teaching special kids before but it was in Indonesia, and it's just several different cases. I just decided to scold those girls again and again, kept on reminding them that there's nothing funny or weird about him.

At one point they were just over the line and I got so so mad, "What's so funny guys? Stop saying those words. That's SO not nice and SO uncool. I don't teach bullies. Stay here and be respectful or get out!"

Not sure they completely got me tho, but the bullies went silent and lazily did the rest of the activities.

After the class, the twins' mum unexpectedly visited me in my room asking how her children were doing so I told her the truth except for the bullying things as I still want to see the next meeting if the girls will change or not. "He's very smart. He's pronunciation is on point. However, he barely could focus so I needed to look him in the eyes and clearly instructed him every time we had an activity/exercise etc. The twin is also a fast learner, very cheerful, everything was under control."

Idk what the mum has gone through having a couple of beautiful twins with a gifted gorgeous boy. But she seems so caring and kind and she wants the best for her children. She wants the boy to have all the same experiences that the girl has; go to the same school, get the best English lessons, have some nice friends--and of course, not being excluded or worse, bullied.

I'm not a mum or a parent. But if you are, and you're reading this, please bear in mind that it's your responsibility to educate your children about different values, cultures, types and characters of people. Children swiftly copy repeated actions they see, witness, experience over and over again. SO, if your kids are bullies, there's a huge chance that they picked it up from you or it could be because they don't get enough attention and affection at home so they spend most of their times in some wrong environment and being shaped by it. I don't know, not a psychologist.

"If you're loved, have enough amount of love from your closest circles. It won't be that difficult to share it and respect others even though they're different."

Shall we be kinder today?

_ K A I

[dynamic-instability]

Hi, I just finished my freshman year in premed and my grades were horrible (like C average) and it was because I'm just not good at science in college like I was in hs... I'm so tired all the time and like I don't have chronic illness or anything and so I know it's not even like what you went through and maybe I'm stupid for complaining but I just don't know if I can keep doing this. I've wanted to be a doctor all my life, how do I give up on that dream??

(2/3) I just feel like I’m giving up and letting down everyone who expects things of me but when I think about things like having to get volunteer and shadowing hours I just feel like I’m panicing and it’s just this crushing weight and maybe I’m just not good enough but like how do I give up?? Doesn’t that make me weak?? My grades in other stuff like my history classes and even in calc were good but gen chem and gen bio fucking killed me I’ve always been a good student idk what to do now

(3/3) I’m sorry for sending this long thing that probably doesn’t even make sense and you dealt with so much shit with your sickness and stuff and you got really good grades obviously and I don’t even have anything like that, I’m just not good at school anymore?? I just know I need to make a change if I’m gonna do this premed thing and you’ve had to think about in the past what you’d do if you can’t be a doctor. I guess I just wanted your advice sorry this is so long lol I’m kinda freaking out

Oh my sweet bb anon. The first thing to do is to take a breath. The second thing to do is to stop comparing yourself to me or to anyone. Don’t start down that road of who has it harder and who is overcoming more, because that’s just not a productive line of thinking, okay? I’ve been there, I’ve done that to myself, it doesn’t lead anywhere good. Your struggles are your own struggles, and whatever you choose to do, it is valid. It does not make you weak.

There’s kind of a lot to unpack here so I’m just going to do my best.

I think the biggest question you have to ask here is whether you still genuinely want to be a doctor. So you’re struggling in your science classes, that’s okay, some C’s in freshman year don’t have to stop you. Just because your first year was hard, it doesn’t mean it won’t improve, and that’s true for a bunch of reasons. The material, for one thing: I didn’t like gen chem, but I loved orgo, and I know a lot of people for whom that’s been the case (it depends on how into quantitative thinking you are, I think). Also, intro-level bio classes can sometimes be the hardest because you have to learn a whole new vocabulary and way of thinking, but then once you have those skills it can get a lot easier. Also, regardless of your field of study, the first year of college is hard socially and academically, it’s a rough adjustment. I don’t know you, but maybe your mental health suffered from the stress and the transition, or maybe you just didn’t have the study skills yet because your high school coursework didn’t demand them. A couple bad grades does not mean you’re unable to do this.

What worries me more is that you said things like “I’m tired all the time” and “it feels like this crushing weight.” A look back through this blog will tell you I’ve had my share of feeling like this, and that not all of it can be attributed to chronic fatigue. But at least when it came to bio, I’ve always loved the material. Even when it was killing me, I love biology. I love biology and medicine so much that I do shit like writing a completely unnecessary 50-page lit review about cholera. I love a lot of other things, too, like music and history and linguistics, but nothing makes me happy like medicine makes me happy. If you love it and you’re struggling, you don’t need to give up, you just need to find better strategies for doing well. Find a tutor, work with classmates, find new study/organizational skills, retake some courses if you failed them. And there are going to be some courses in your prereqs that you just won’t like (see: me and physics) and that doesn’t have to stop you. The courses you take in undergrad are not necessarily reflective of everything to come. But if you hate science? Don’t put yourself through this. It isn’t worth it.

Here’s the thing. There is such a thing as a weed-out class, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Being “weeded out”, so to speak, doesn’t have to mean you’re not good enough, it can just mean that you’re figuring out what is and is not a good fit for you. My friend @carminapiranha went through this her freshman year, suffered through a year of pre-med where she struggled and was miserable before admitting it was not what she wanted. She has a degree in art history, and is about to go get a master’s degree. There was a girl I knew freshman year who was sure she was going to be a surgeon, but she got a D in gen bio 1 because the class didn’t make sense to her and made her miserable. She got an MBA and is making like hella money now. 

You can change your mind, that is a valid decision. It doesn’t have to mean you’re giving up, it doesn’t have to mean you’re weak, it can just mean you’re looking for something that’s a better fit for you. You said you did well in history classes, but did you also like them? What was your favorite class you’ve taken? I know there are some degrees that feel more “useless” than others, and it would be naive of me to claim that that doesn’t matter when college is so freakin expensive, but honestly? Very few people get jobs directly in the field of their degrees. People end up doing totally random jobs all the time. Maybe there’s something else that’s a better fit for you. If there is, you should go and do that!

So I guess my question is this: why are you trying so hard to stay pre-med? Is it because this is what you want and you can’t see yourself being fulfilled the same way doing anything else? For me, that’s the wall I come up against every time I quit being pre-med (which has happened like… three times now?) If that’s the case then maybe look at alternate careers in the medical field (I myself have thought extensively about becoming a genetic counselor–similar academic requirements, but not as harsh in terms of training, and probably not quite as competitive as far as undergraduate GPA), or you can just keep pushing towards this goal and try to find better ways of studying. As for the extracurricular stuff, I would recommend that you try to stop viewing it as this crushing obligation. Find volunteer opportunities that are things you think are cool and that you want to do, not because they’re things that will look good on a resume. View shadowing as an opportunity to see whether various medical field things are right for you, not as ticking a box for some imaginary (or literal) application-strengthening checklist. If your campus has a pre-med/pre-health club, see about going to some of their events or talks. Talk to a pre-health advisor about options and opportunities. Talk to other pre-health people. It’s a lot, being pre-med. I feel the pressure too, all the time, and it can be exhausting, but if it’s really what you want to do, you don’t have to give up. You certainly don’t have to give up this early. You’re only a baby freshman (well, a baby sophomore, now, I guess) (I can call you a baby because I’m 24 and I have a whole degree now, so #dealwithit) (I promise I mean it with love and not condescension). One year of not-great grades is not going to preclude you from being a doctor.

But if the reason you’re so reluctant to change paths is out of obligation instead of an actual passion for the field, then it’s not worth it to keep making yourself miserable. 

Whoever it is that you feel like you’ll be letting down by not becoming a doctor–your parents or your grandparents or your high school science teacher or whoever–you don’t owe them. I don’t know if you’ve got parents putting pressure on you or what, but if you do, just remember that it’s your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do with it. 

Or maybe the person you feel like you’re betraying is your past self, the version of you that’s dressing up as a doctor for Halloween and telling everyone for the past 18 years how you’re gonna be a doctor and sitting in your bedroom watching Grey’s Anatomy and getting all fired up about how that’s gonna be you one day. This is a thought I’ve had a lot over the past six years or so. It’s hard if you’ve identified yourself by this desire your whole life to suddenly imagine being anything else. I don’t know if that’s the case for you, but I feel sometimes like I have this 12-year-old Kari in my head and I’m breaking her little idealistic medical nerd heart every time I take a step outside the path she’d have me on. But guess what? You don’t owe your past self shit. Your past self had ideas of what your life would be, just like baby Kari had ideas for what my life would be, but she didn’t have all the information that I have. I know better than she did. You cannot control the actions and the thoughts of your future self, you just have to trust that they are better informed than you are. 

You are allowed to change. Your identity is yours and yours alone to shape how you please. It doesn’t make you weak to change course, it makes you flexible. (And hey, if studying biology has taught me anything, it’s that adaptability is key to survival) (There’s a reason my blog is called “dynamic instability”)

[realtalk-princeton]

i'm a potential '25 deciding between stanford and princeton. i really love both schools but i've heard intimidating things about how social life at pton can be competitive, and the concept of eating clubs feels a tiny bit cliquey (but i can also see how eating clubs foster a really strong sense of community!) would you say people at pton are happy? is it easy to form close relationships/make friends? is there anything you don't like about pton? (why did you choose pton?) thank you so much!

Response from Ocean:

It’s true that certain aspects of social life at Princeton are competitive.  However, I wouldn’t say that social life as a whole is competitive.  There are certain “prestigious” clubs that require bicker or an interview/application process, but by and large most clubs are open to everyone and it’s very possible to just decline to participate in those competitive types of activities.  They’re not essential or central to Princeton life in that sort of way. 

Eating clubs are a little bit different.  I haven’t really noticed them to be “cliquey”, exactly, as everyone I know who is in an eating club has many friends in other eating clubs or not in eating clubs at all.  Although there is certainly pressure around that aspect, I don’t think it’s any different than typical Greek life on most campuses -- maybe even less so because club members don’t actually live at the eating club, and aren’t required to do fundraisers or volunteer work together in the way a fraternity or sorority might.  

I would say it’s pretty easy to find and make new friends.  It’s a small community (slightly smaller than Stanford), so you see a lot of the same people over and over.  If you run into someone from your class at the dining hall, for example, it’s easy to sit down with them and strike up a conversation.  Would I say people are happy?  Right now I’m mostly noticing a lot of stress and depression among students, mostly mourning the lack of a normal school year, what we lost to the pandemic, and so on.  But I wouldn’t say we are more depressed or stressed than the average student at a prestigious institution.  During my mostly-normal freshman year, I was mostly very happy.  

As for things I don’t like about Princeton... well, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with the competitive aspects of social life.  I also wish there were better support systems in place for students who are struggling, but I think this is an “America’s healthcare system is shit” problem rather than a Princeton-specific problem.  

I chose to come here mostly because of the financial aid package, to be honest.  I didn’t get into any of the other competitive schools I applied for so it was basically Princeton or my local university, and Princeton was cheaper and much better quality.  Other contributors feel free to add on!

Response from TNTina:

honestly although this post might get quite long, i think it would probably be better the more contributors respond to this, because everyone’s experience is unique and everyone has different things they like and dislike about princeton.

i chose princeton because it was the best school i got into - i did not know prior to college what i wanted to study, and princeton is on a holistic level a very well rounded school. i still think it’s a very well rounded school as a whole, but if there are specific fields you think you might want to go into, i advise you consider this more heavily in how you choose a school. princeton, for example, doesn’t offer b. arch degrees. i’ve also heard that pre-med here is a big grind, and the grading is harsher compared to other similar schools. if there are specific professors you admire, consider that - i have a friend in east asian studies who gushed about a specific professor who was a total legend in the field and she was able to engage him in one on one interactions at princeton. if you’re interested in an experience like bridge year, also consider that. to top it off, i’ll just comment a few things that i think are unique to princeton that i like and that i don’t like. 

positive: access to professors - i may just be really lucky but my major has just been one of the most positive aspects of princeton to me. my professors have been overwhelmingly accessible and accommodating; they have checked in on me when i’ve struggled with personal problems, they have arranged meetings with me on the weekend last minute; princeton’s undergraduate focus really shines through. 

alumni connections: princeton does reunions (like the actual event) like no other school. truly, i think the alumni network is by far the strongest of any school in this country. i can’t speak for experiences at other schools but there have been times i have needed advice and reached out to alumni - i’ve been lucky for sure, but there has not been a single alum who hasn’t replied to me and devoted a considerable amount of time to talk to me. the internship i’m doing this summer i probably got in large part because i vibed with an alum i got in touch with.

neutral: single major: you can’t double major at princeton, and you wouldn’t have the time to even if you wanted to. in retrospect, i definitely wanted to double major if i went anywhere else, but without the single major policy i also don’t think wouldn’t have found the department i’m currently in.

independent work/thesis: you should really think this one through. thesis is mandatory for all undergraduate students, and a good amount of your time here will be spent doing research. this is a huge grind and a bit of a pain for a lot of people but it is also really really beneficial for grad schools, and i’ve heard from several alumni that it is also really impressive to employers (at least in some fields). it is also just a very unique intellectual experience. 

negative: eating clubs. i really am not a fan of the eating club system for several reasons. i do not think they are ‘cliquey’ necessarily, but at the very least they pose logistical challenges - if you are in different eating clubs than your friends or you’re not in an eating club, in your later years it becomes hard to get meals with friends. it’s also logistically difficult for underclassmen, and i think it exacerbates an artificial class year divide, as most upperclassmen eat in eating clubs and underclassmen will often have limited opportunity to eat with their upperclassmen friends. the eating clubs also pose an absurd cost (the main reason i did not join a club). and despite how much they might deny it, each eating club does have a different reputation and thus has a tendency to attract people who vibe with that reputation. eating clubs also have extracurricular/social affiliations to a degree, and i think this also exacerbates a tendency for people to just group with people who are similar to themselves. this is not to say that people don’t do this naturally in society and at other schools though. on a more positive note though, i will say though that i think ocean is right about the fact that people do not typically identify very strongly with their eating clubs and their eating affiliation does not define them in the way that a frat or sorority might. if i had to choose, i would definitely prefer 70% of people being in an eating club than 70% of people being in greek life.

best of luck, you have some fantastic choices - and i really think you can’t go wrong here!