#sorry for the vent dump

[clowns0up-felix]

Doodle dump, but it’s low effort bc I’m tired!!

I’ve not really been drawing much, which is why I haven’t posted art in 2 days lol maybe I’m a bit burned out already but I’m hoping to get back to drawing finished pieces today,,, nothing but doodles fw my brain if it’s longer than one day,,, I WAS able to do a fully finished piece for my first ever art trade tho, which is something!!

I guess I’m in a very short art block (saying short bc I’m manifesting better art) and I feel very tired and unmotivated!!! This doodle dump isn’t much, but it’s something

[unknownjesterr]

im so done with tumblr

[the-spider-haven]

what a beautifyl nurse!!!!!!!

reference & stupid vent under the cut

my art is genuinely js getting so fucking ugly atp. in my horrible shit art era. fucking kms I hate this so much. stupid idiot loser art KYS.

can’t fucjing draw for SHIT anymore. god I hate drawing sometimes

[sieglinde-freud]

IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT OF MY SCALP

[zoomclown]

i am such an avatar of the buried because I require hugs and safety and sleep and weight on me while I sleep but also I am deeply afraid of being crushed underground, being poor, and intimacy. Like my biggest nightmare is what if I get buried alive in a coffin. Like I will only rent because I'm terrified of the idea of buying a house and not being able to up and leave on a whim, I'm afraid of any job that I anticipate needing to commit to for more than a year.

Like I will give you the tightest, best hug of your life but you want me to let you in emotionally? You want me to form a relationship with you that doesn't allow me to just ghost you whenever I feel like it isn't no consequences? Ew get away from me.

[firedragon1321]

Are you normal or are you crying at like 11 pm thinking about how little affection Gladion has from other human beings in his life?

Like the Lusamine issue is the biggest one. But his dad got sucked into a wormhole and then noped off to Poke Pelago (and in USUM, Lusamine decides not to tell him about his family). Team Skull treats him like fucking dirt, and in the end, they're an extension of Lusamine. Lillie and Wicke are nice to everyone, but they never show Gladion as much attention as they do Lusamine, or even the player.

The anime did address the Mohn issue better than the games. But it made the mistake of neutering Lusamine's villainy. So the happy family seems...hollow to me. The Gladion in this particular image just doesn't feel like him.

As I wrote this rant- which is a long time coming and I'm sorry- I realized it's empty because the writers are determined to "redeem" Lusamine, and in doing so require every other character to forgive her. But (game continuity) Gladion has no reason to do so. Not after what she did to his sister, or Silvally.

Not after what she did to him.

I feel like Gladion's departure in USUM should have been permanent. He needs a support system outside the Aether Foundation- wherever he has to go to find it. He has his Pokemon (many of which are friendship evolutions, so there's no doubt there's affection from them). But he needs a person to talk to. He needs to cope with what happened to him and his family. He needs and deserves friends and a healthy life.

Lillie chose to forgive Lusamine and the Aether Foundation. Gladion does not have to forgive. It's not in his character. Moreover, it's not a fucking requirement. There should be zero pressure on him to have anything to do with Lusamine, Team Skull, or the Aether Foundation. "But who will run the Aether Foundation in Sun and Mo-" nobody. Let it crumble. It was a sham the moment Lusamine and Nihilego met.

Gladion should be allowed to walk away and find happiness elsewhere. The Pokemon World is big. Countless regions exist, and more are being discovered. They're full of people. He doesn't have to suffer alone.

I didn't mean to turn this into an essay. But I have so many Thoughts about him...

[amistyshadow]

I can’t help but get really insecure at times about my art. I see all of this beautiful artwork on tumblr or in comics, things that I strive to be like, and what I want to do for the rest of my life. But then I keep looking at my art… seeing how it’s nothing like how I want it to be, even when I take classes and lessons, nothing changes… and I can’t help but wonder… if I’m not good enough for myself… will I ever be good enough for the real world?

[ofcowardiceandkings]

truly my inner shaking little ratdog ripping apart slippers is showing through the cracks today lol

already kind of oversocialised and on edge

sad because one of our travelling cohort is leaving today & the supervisor makes me nervous (shes lovely but i always feel like im being annoying) & next week our cohort has an Unknown person and an Annoying person

"woke up" a little later than i wouldve liked because i had a second morning of sleep paralysis bullshit

smashed my cute little cafetière trying to clean it out in a hurry

had a fight locking our accommodation because of the shit key safe

put out my supervisor a bit bc we were late leaving according to her OCD clock (it was fine but i get it)

got sun spray with dust in my eye and mouth

got weird gender-checked in the blokes bogs because i was wearing a scrunchie ("oh this is the mens right?" [me turning with disasterous facial hair and a deeper voice] Yes)

awkward paperwork check session because theyve decided to start that now

get quizzed about a sample i handed off and didnt lose AGAIN

get given a leaving deadline because im always late apparently

want to doodle but brain is fried, ye olde art constipation

the truck we're travelling back in uhhh sucks actually its got fun features but its steering and suspension are awful

travel headache

transphobes being shitty about the olympics, would gladly fist fight them at this point

coffee order is wrong, didnt get my bun, asked for it to be sorted ... get blamed for it by the barista (i didnt know cinnamon bun syrup was a thing) AND overcharged

lose where we are in the car park and accidentally cross in front of another car which was speeding

feel like a tit

still 2 hours left to travel

possibly broken traffic lights ahead of us ???

i want 2 be home like 5 hours ago

[flutt3rb4tz]

i hate when people who dont have marfans make/headcanon characters with marfans as some quirky trait. i really do, i've seen it a lot in my life as someone who was diagnosed at 3 with the condition and it honestly grinds my gears they always do the most stereotype-y traits, or ignore how much of a struggle it is to live with marfans, or how marfans can fuck up your body further by just how much shit it causes.

to put it into perspective, i got tagged like a fucking animal at school because they didnt want to take too much care into explaining that i needed extra care if something happened, or that people should be gentle with me because i could die on school grounds. ive sat cooped up in my home most of my life, i've only been on a fair ride once because getting on a roller coaster could harm me as well. i need help walking or getting around because my body cant always handle it, i have other problems due to marfans that have hurt me greatly for my entire life.

i'm slowly going blind from marfans and theres nothing a doctor can do that will stick. i risk aortic dissection simply by being hit in the chest, i used to be afraid of going to bed because if anything hit my chest too hard i could literally fucking die then and there, because my heart would fucking collapse on itself and theres a decent chance that i wouldnt make it to the emergency room.

it's not just some trait, it is a disability. and it's not quirky!! it was never fucking quirky!!! getting discriminated against for being disabled by the age of 4 wasnt fun! it wasnt silly! it was traumatizing!!!!

if you're going to make a character or headcanon a character with marfans take into account how much of a stereotype you're making them. there are short people with marfans, fat people with marfans (like myself), poc with marfans, there are people who cannot walk or function because of marfans, people with marfans arent scary or shy or weak all the time. we're human people! we vary!

talk to actual people with marfans. look up posts about the condition from people with the condition. dont confuse marfans with EDS. just have common sense!! its exhausting trying to look at content from people like me and either seeing headcanons, EDS posts, or people telling everyone with marfans that they have no hope (this ones common on reddit, but it applies).

people with marfans dont immediately die either, btw. i saw a post recently that was just "haha this character better have had amazing doctors or his marfans would kill him in 2 seconds!!!" and that's not how it works. of course it can be fatal thats with all things, but dont act like its an immediate death sentence, please. i'm sure a lot of us have heard it enough already

[auguste-marmonts-only-fan]

Pls always keep on Marmont-posting

You are one of the best things that happened to me in Tumblr <3

Really?!?!?

I'm glad that you like my content, and this one of the nicest things anyone has said to me lol (kinda sad to be honest)

I have always been criticised by my peers for liking things and over sharing but after I started posting on tumblr I feel more free to express my intrest and I'm not as embarrassed anymore (very cliché and corny , I know)

So seeing nice comments and stuff like that really makes my day 💕💕💕💕

Xoxo

[i-am-trans-gwender]

I don't even have the energy to disguise this as a joke. Sorry for the vent post.

I really hate my past self. I don't like the version of me from pre two weeks ago. I was a horrible person. No matter how much I apologize and mentally torture myself I can't undo who past me was.

I have become everything I use to hate which makes me hate younger me even more.

I dont like any version of me but I especially hate who I was from the late 2010's to the early 2020's. Filled with self loathing that lead to me lashing at other people.

I have hurt so many people out of ignorance. Multiple friends of mine have left me because I'm annoying, i have trouble understanding others emotions, i have trouble communicating my feelings, I have trouble learning from past mistakes and no matter how hard I try I screw everything up.

I can't handle the bad things that happen to me but I also can't handle the good things that happen because i feel I don't deserve it. Everybody else has accomplished so much more than me.

I'm afraid of showing genuine emotion. I feel like I have to disguise all my cries for help as jokes or bury my feelings under a billion layers of irony.

[nmoroder]

You know i used to have these surges of art coming through my hands at night. They're back, these surges. And i love Klogg can you tell

1st pic almost quotes Bible cuz you know, TenNapel himself said the Neverhood story is biblical in nature so yeah it comes naturally

2nd is Hoborg's humanized design through years (he hasn't really changed between '21 and today)

3d pic says "there are things i will never forgive myself for" and it echoes the headcanon that Hoborg had great guilt for what Klogg had become bcuz of the crown and was actually terrified of seeing and touching him

4th pic is abt this story i composed a couple of years ago, in short it's the segment where Klaymen and Klogg had to fight Some Guys and Klay obtained a blaster a while ago. yeah and Klogg had a blast using a spear which promptly broke after a dozen of hits

6th pic references the latest askblog post (and psst is the short summary of where they're gonna be heading next)

[gummy-sharks666]

Sometimes I remember I was born into a crumbling emotionally abusive relationship that held on by the strings for 20 years and I was homeschooled effectively cutting off any escape I had from the fact my parents hated each other, me, and my 3 younger siblings (that my mom had to care for completely by herself and told me multiple times how she wished she could leave, figuratively and literally) and the effect that had on any hope of my brain wiring turning out functional

Don’t ever homeschool and for the love of god if your relationship is not working GET A DIVORCE

[shrikebrother]

something i can relate to that also makes me really angry in succession is that the writers like , Nailed the way white ppl treat step-family members who are immigrant women of color . fake kindness when theyre in front of you but then talk about them badly behind their back , both overly suspicious & threatened by them while still never taking them seriously . & i know this because this is exactly how my stepdad's white family treats my mom

[batclowner]

i grew up not ever getting emotional during any fiction, my mom would cry on movies while i didnt feel anything or even laughed on sad things (ex: when mufasa died i was happy (also i was also rooting for the villians so)), my mom used to say that i was stripped of feelings/emotions (she did not mean it in a insulting way its not what this post is about) and now and for the last 3 years im still like this most of the time BUT im so emotional on some things that i cry for days just thinking about it, like now about azula, idk what does she do to me but i feel so much empathy for that fictional girl, i cry more thinking about her then about my own struggles... and in my past i had similar feelings with other characters or whole stories

i might have to talk about this to my therapist looll, anyways i love azula and if i was in the atlaverse i would die for her idgaf

[welcometogrouchland]

May I ask about your Jason Todd idea? <3

Hm, okay so. How to lay this out sensitively since I know it might be a tad controversial...

Prefacing by saying I'm not an expert on the minutias of Jason characterization. I like him when he appears, I think the battle for the cowl/Morrison era and some parts of modern era for him are Weird and Bad, but I'm not Jason scholar (for that I'd say maybe check out @/tumblingxelian and their great video essays), I'm just trying to think of what might be an interesting step forward for him.

First, the canon facts

Jason got lobotomized and has panic disorder on steroids. By the end of Gotham War (specifically when Jason was. Flying the batplane into the asteroid. God I can't believe that's the plot) he was finding it in himself to power through said panics

In Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #12, the joker gives Jason a "low dose" of joker venom, which has an ambiguous effect on Jason, allowing him to power through the fear (which joker explicitly states is still very much present, just not physically debilitating, like when Jason couldn't run over in either Catwoman #57 or #58, the one with the kid in the building) even though he'd been able to do that sans venom over in Gotham War, like I previously stated.

The effect of said joker venom seems to be lingering for now, minus the creepy grin side effect it gave Jason over in that man who stopped laughing issue, as seen in the latest batman issue (number is escaping me rn, #147??). He still has the stutter which is a shorthand for fear, he's drawn with fearful expressions by Jorge Jimenez, but he says that he's "working through it" thanks to the chemicals

This is both super interesting and kind of maddening as it doesn't completely remove the consequences of what happened in Gotham War, but is trying to sweep them under the rug and get back to business as usual. I, however, propose making said consequences front and center like a fashionable urn on a mantle piece:

Since it's never stated how exactly the joker venom works, and I think the current answer is "it works how the story needs it to" I've decided that because it's a low dose, it eventually wears off. And when it wears off, Jason's back to square one in terms of mental state. Ergo, if Jason doesn't want to live the rest of his life as quaking shivering husk of his former self...he's going to need more.

(read more for the meat of things)

So, Jason self medicates for a condition given to him by the father he has endlessly complicated feelings towards with a cure invented by a man who represents everything he hates in the world who once tried to take everything from him.

Which, insert poetic cinema gif here, I'm quite proud of myself for that one.

Anyway, there's a lot of directions you could take this. Personally I think it'd be interesting to explore Jason trying to get back into the drug trade like he did in UTRH (FULL TRANSPARENCY I HAVEN'T READ THE FULL COMIC, I KNOW BROADSTROKES BUT IM NOT GONNA TRY AND MAKE PARALLELS) as he tries to use the resources (production plants and other drug runners who can hook him up with samples of joker toxin/similar stuff you can probably find around Gotham) to manufacture his own cure that means never having to go back to the joker again. Maybe he ambushes a joker toxin chemical production plant to get his own supply, and then Jason uses this as his foothold back into that world.

This isn't necessarily me saying we should regress Jason alll the way back to UTRH, that was before his anti-hero era and I'm not willing to fully shoot him back into the past. I just think that's not how you tell good stories in a medium like comics. But it'd inherently be a little different just bc he's doing it for different, slightly more self motivated (depending on your take on villain Jason) reasons and the people around him would have a different reaction to it.

Anyway, all sorts of problems can arise! Depending on how you wanna characterize Jason (wayward son who longs to be back in the fold or black sheep who doesn't play by daddy's rules, etc) he can either a) try and hide this criminal enterprise from his giant family full of nosy detectives (good idea there jay) OR do it out in the open, trying to justify himself but still putting himself on the opposite side of the family again (not the law bc that boy hasn't been on the 'right' side of it since he died)

There's also the fact that Jason now needs to take something 24/7 in order to live his life. He essentially can't be without it, he's dependent on it, in fact he'd get sick without it despite any adverse effects it may have on him (which are guaranteed, I mean. No clinical trials)

I imagine it'd be easy to become addicted to it in some way.

And uh. This is the part where it works slightly better as a fanfic pitch than an actual comic pitch. Because as much as I think it'd be such an interesting beat for Jason's character considering his fraught history with addiction and drugs (looks away from that one urban legends story where he suggests terrorising addicts to get to the suppliers and bruce lectures him. The easiest way to make Mr "we don't sell drugs to children" sympathetic and you beefed it)

I also fully recognise that this is a sensitive topic that DC doesn't have the best track record with (although addicts aren't a monolith and feel a number of ways about addictions portrayals in comics) and that there's probably some pitfalls inherent in the premise, namely bc of Jason's background as an impoverished kid and his grey morality, and how those play into stereotypes of addicts. Addiction is already such a misunderstood and stigmatized condition that I imagine playing with it with an antihero might be enough to turn some people off. Addiction is not a moral failing and I'd hate to write it as a moral failing of Jason akin to his willingness to kill, etc.

But with all that said, I think that stereotypes are primarily harmful because of their shallowness. They inhibit understanding of groups labeled "other" by presenting them in simplistic ways that don't portray richness or complexity. And I think a truly good red hood comic could give both sympathy and complexity to Jason, even as an addict. If anything, Jason is a popular character (mostly) and there could be something nice about seeing a main character go through what you're going through, gritty details and all. YMMV (can we bring that back btw?) and it depends on execution. There's a lot of ways it could go wrong, but seeing as it just lives as a hypothetical rn, I think there's also a lot of ways it could go. I mean, not right, it's a downer story beat for Jason but it's mostly meant to be interesting and a vehicle for more stories as Jason navigates it, ya know?

Anyway, I have a lot of spiels littered in my notes app and discord DMs that elaborate on all this (how this could work as act 1 in a broader Jason story where his little operation goes to shit and he has to hit the road (jack) and maybe do some character development for better or worse. I'm a sucker and wanna say better- not squeaky clean better but. Yknow, finding himself to an extent. I recognise I'm a sap and a fool tho. Or how a new outlaws team could factor into either of those eras (since I do like Jason with an outlaws team. It gives him an excuse to exercise his compelling relationships and dynamics with other characters without having to constantly tip-toe around the elephant in the room whenever he's with the batfamily all the time. He just needs a good lineup) but that's all for another time

... though without elaborating on the vision in my head it kind of just sounds like my pitch is "Jason gets addicted to his hyper-anxiety medication" BUT I SWEAR ITS MORE THAN THAT.

It's like. If Jason has struggled as a character (and this is very subjective on my part so feel free to disagree) because he has compelling relationships with all of the batfamily, but also has compelling grey morality that makes it hard to capitalize on those relationships, without the conflict always coming to "Jason stop killing!" "Nuh uh!" OR just being ignored, and the main way writers have addressed this is via reboots instead of arcs...

Then giving Jason and the bats:

real, legitimate and fresh reason for jay to be mad at Bruce (taking their relationship of love with very little understanding to it's most dramatic conclusion)

give the family a real reason to want to bring him back into the fold (feel bad about the lobotomy and it would be pretty immoral to let Jason waste away slowly and painfully because of something Bruce did)

capitalize on all the ways Jason is sympathetic (bc the addiction is a natural lead into his backstory, which is one of his most sympathetic elements)

And the ways in which he's very out of step with the bats post-resurrection (I'd be mad asf too if i came back to life just for my dad to a) not avenge me and b) LOBOTOMIZE ME meanwhile the cunt ass clown giving me my meds is just lurking out there).

Idk it's not a sophisticated pitch as of this moment but I think a real chef (writer) could cook something w/ this