#there are quite a few bands that i've seen multiple times because they put on stellar shows. but i don't actually like

[booksandabeer]

8 Shows To Know Me

Thank you to the lovely Em @between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place for tagging me! I love doing these, although I sometimes tend to get a little lost because how can I pick only eight? There are so many! Ok, I'm forcing myself not to overthink this, so here we go:

My So-Called Life

God how I loved this show as a teenager. I was a bit too young for it when it first aired, but once I discovered it a few years after it was cancelled (this is really an all-time top contender in the 'tragically cancelled too soon' category), I watched it over and over again. When I was 13, my entire wardrobe was modelled after Rayanne Graff--hair, clothes, everything. I even carried lollipops around with me! I wanted to be her so bad. I also very obviously--though not to me at the time--had a giant crush on her. Oh well.

ER

I put this here because ER was the first TV show that I can remember actively following week after week. I haven't seen an episode of it in years, so I have no idea if it holds up, but it was such a staple of my tv diet for more than a decade (15 seasons!) that I can't not mention it here.

Severance

Probably my favorite (new) show of last year. As someone who spent years working an office job, slowly climbed up the corporate ladder, and then one day blinked and said "fuck this shit, I'm going back to university!", this show spoke to my soul. The way it examines the absurd and often dehumanizing elements of "workplace culture" and all the hierarchical and interpersonal bullshit attached to it in such a smart & funny way made me swoon with admiration. Also, this could've gotten in on aesthetics alone because the production design on this show is fucking fantastic.

Wynonna Earp

I love this show but it really serves as a stand-in here for a whole bunch of slightly pulpy, slightly campy, queer genre shows that often have a bigger heart than budget, of which I have watched many with GREAT enthusiasm (see also: IWtV, Shadow & Bone, the first season of Sleepy Hollow, etc.) It also gives me an excuse to use this gif of Melanie Scrofano wielding a sword.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Listen. I'm not saying this is a good show. But have I watched it? Multiple times even? Yes. I have. I mean, Bucky fucking Barnes is in it, and I happen to have no self-control and a huge capacity for torturing myself when it comes to this character. The brief here was not to list 'The Best' shows, but the ones that say something about me. And well, it would be ridiculous to pretend that the MCU--for better or worse--has not made up a huge part of my media consumption over the past 15 years.

Band of Brothers

I have lost track of how many times I have watched these 10 episodes in my life. Other people do a yearly rewatch of The Lord of the Rings, I do one of BoB. I realize that's a little weird maybe, but the hold these characters still have on me after all these years is insane. No one will ever break my heart like Eugene Roe in the "Bastogne" episode. Also, this is a great example of how I tend to hyperfixate on topics that I had no previous interest in once I see a movie or a TV show about them that I really like. I've read so many books about D-Day. *shakes head* (see also: The Terror, Chernobyl, The Serpent)

The Last of Us

*points to pfp* You didn't think this wasn't going to be on here, did you? Of course it is! I LOVE the game this is based on with all my heart. I've spent countless hours playing it. I even wrote a paper about it! I was so, so nervous about the adaptation, but it turned out to be better than I ever dared to hope.

BoJack Horseman

I'm not really into cartoons. I'm not really into half-hour comedies. I would have never watched this show if a friend hadn't quite literally sat on me one day, and forced me to at least watch one episode. And you know what? It's really funny! It's also one of the smartest shows about existential loneliness and depression I've ever seen. It's at times almost unbearably painful to watch. And it stars a cartoon horse voiced by Will Arnett. Who would've thought? Not me!

No-pressure tagging: @somanywords, @tessabennet, @village-skeptic, @burninblood, @maplefiasco, @aimmyarrowshigh

[witchboyjimin]

What fandoms were you /are you still a part of aside from BTS? Did you actively write for any of them, and if so, which ships inspired you? How did you come across BTS and what made you stan? (Imma assume jimin? Jimin!) And on that note, what made you ship kookmin or what about them gave you inspiration to write about them?

Sorry if this seems intrusive sgdhdjf but Im genuinely just curious about your fandom and writing journey :)!

hello! this isn't intrusive at all so no worries at all!!

oh man, i started writing when i was 11? at least in terms of posting fic on the internet except back then i don't think i even considered it to be fic. it was just stories set in my fandom at the time (it was naruto...and then harry potter and emo bands. yes, it was self insert.)

currently, i only actively write for bts fandom. this will likely change once i finish reading omniscient reader's viewpoint (orv) because i am already RARING to write fic for my orv otp, joongdok, but i really want to finish the web novel before i spiral.

i find the best way to enjoy your bts fandom experience is to also have multiple other interests you're partially engaged in/with so that bts fandom doesn't drive you insane :) other interests i am invested in include but are not limited to: orv, tgcf, mdzs, svsss, jujutsu kaisen, demon slayer, a plethora of bl, the magnus archives, and i try to read published stuff but i've been slipping on that front the last few months.

i will put the rest of the answer under a cut because...this is already quite long.

in the past i've written for naruto (sasunaru), harry potter (drarry), a few other animangas, kingdom hearts (axel/roxas), and when i did start writing for kpop fandoms it went from beast to block b/bap to exo to ikon/got7 to bts.

but i've been part of like tons of other fandoms where i only read fic and engaged with other people's content. fandoms include (non-exhaustive): bandom, inception, merlin, marvel (i rly only cared abt stucky), star trek (spirk, MY BELOVED), teen wolf (sterek has everyone in their clutches), football (european) rpf, hannibal and a slew of animanga. there's definitely stuff i missed but my point is just: have lots of interests! and consume a variety of media! it makes you a better writer and person imo.

baby me was definitely obsessed with enemies to lovers (adult me still is) so i am always drawn to an otp that has the enemies/rivals to lovers dynamic because nothing satisfies me as much as tension and push/pull dynamics. i think once i got into rpf fandoms tho (bandom, kpop), i did start enjoying seeing two people that just love each other very openly.

SO ofc when i finally ended up in bts fandom, it was only a matter of time before kookmin ate me alive. i started stanning bts in march/april of 2015. i'd listened to their title tracks/watched mvs from their debut but i was an exo stan and i had tunnel vision and then exo was like, falling apart in 2014-2015 tgknfk and i got into got7 and ikon for a while but i guess they just didn't hit the same cause i started watching bts mvs one day and then binged SO many bangtan bombs and watched american hustle life and then 2 weeks?? later bts announced they were having a comeback and i've never looked back. bts are just incredibly funny and genuine (there is nothing manufactured about them) and back in 2015, no one was putting themselves out there the way bts were. they were super engaged with their fan base through youtube and twitter so even when they didn't have a comeback, they were still posting new content which is not what other groups were doing. bighit knew what they were doing, i guess.

and yes, jimin 100% drew me in. even before i was a fan, he was already my fav from the few mvs i had seen and then when i got seriously into them, i was obsessed with him. he's so fucking funny and BABY!!!!!!!!! and has just been the kindest person since day one??? and an incredible dancer, like just mesmerizing. also, he's the prettiest most gorgeous person ever. there is no joy or comfort quite like getting to stare at jimin's beautiful face.

i was actually a multi-jimin shipper when i started out. my fav ships were hopemin, minjoon, and yoonmin. rapline/jimin was everything to me and so was yoonseok!! jimin was just very baby around rapline and acted cute because he loves attention and praise and i love this about him jbsdjk i liked vmin and kookmin at the time, too, but i've always liked vmin as friends more than romantically and kookmin didn't take over my entire brain until may 2016 when back hug scene happened. up until then, i liked them because it was obvs jimin doted on jeongguk A Lot and i enjoyed what a tsundere brat jeongguk was but back hug scene rewired my brain cause all i wanted to do after that was write kookmin.

i think seeing how much they both love each other and how supportive they are/how they show up for each other over and over again (excellent song choice for gcf tokyo jjk) just makes it impossible for me to not ship them?? plus we got to see their relationship grow and develop and transform to what it is today...it's hard not to love them tbh. for me, it's the devotion and how much they clearly like each other as friends that keeps me writing for them. i love love love the ways they show how much the other means to them whether that be the grand gestures (the tokyo trip, jimin flying across the world to be there for jeongguk's birthday) or the little things (the way they baby each other and worry over the other's well-being).

also, i think the fun of writing an rpf otp is that you can really put them in any scenario you want. there is no canon we have to adhere to so you're really only restricted/limited by characterization and tbh you can take liberties there, too because we don't 100% know the boys. plus how you act as an idol may not be how you act in a dystopia au lol it really is like playing house and it lets me be as creative as i want so i find it easy to keep putting them in new scenarios! i do think that if they didn't love each other as much as they do, i'd have maybe lost interest but so far that hasn't happened so yay for me haha

anyways I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!! kudos to you if you read all the way to the end...

hope you have a great day anonie!

[sanstropfremir]

I think you've mentioned this before but who are some artists (kpop or not) you think have amazing stage presence?

i think i've mentioned some groups that have good stage presence but i don't know if i've specifically named people? there's a lot of overlap with my fave dancers post, including the usual suspects: boa, taemin, key, hyuna, dawn, cl, kahi, yunho, changmin, junsu, ten, hwanwoong, yonghoon, dongmyeong, hongjoong, san. not idols but all of forestella. also not an idol but i am hopelessly in love with my feral piano man oh eunchul, whom - and i cannot stress this enough - is a classical pianist. not kpop but also santa and rikimaru, and also queen bee because i could watch avu chan go insane forever. miyavi. orville peck. janelle monae. rina sawayama. absolutely unironically: kirin j callinan (yes the cowboy screaming meme song guy). there's a lot more but i'm going to stop here because i don't want this to turn into a list of me just recommending my favourite musicians lol

[kitsuvil]

Velvet Cigarettes - Just friends, right?

♡

slight tw warning: father issues, kinda angsty chapter towards the end

previous chapter | masterlist | next chapter

I knock on the door of the apartment, expecting Kazuha to come out but once it opens I'm facing someone else. "Morning, Albedo," I wave. "Hey Y/N, is the art student here to hang out with their new boyfriend?" He asks. "Stop yourself right there, first of all we're just visting the record store. Second of all, you have to finish the project that's due soon, don't you? I'm going to be on your ass now that I know we share class together."

"Damn, you're not wrong, but I'm almost finished with it, trust me, I'll even send a picture when I'm done. I'll go let Kazuha know you're here though."

"Right, I'll be awaiting that photo."

I lean against the wall of the apartment, slightly stepping inside as I wait. He has a nice place, honestly speaking. You'd expect something shabby for a college student's apartment but he's definitely got his life together, so much that even the band hangs out here.

"Y/N! Good morning!" He grins, grabbing a bag as he walks towards the door. I wave and walk towards him. "Hey Albedo, don't forget to lock up when you go home! Good luck on that project!"

"I got you, don't worry," He calls from another room.

"Let's go?" I nudge towards the door, offering a hand and leading him to my car.

Most of the car ride is quiet save for the music playing from the Aux and our occasional conversation. Kazuha chose to introduce me to new songs already, asking me to rate every song he plays, leaving him in surprise when I mention knowing some of the songs.

"Really? I thought every fan of his music was dead, absolutely no one talks about him."

"I'd be concerned if I was dead, Kazuha."

"I'm just kidding, but still, you're the first one I've met."

"Maybe it was fated."

"I'm inclined to believe that at this point."

I slow the car and pull up to the record shop, parking at the closest spot. "I can't wait to see what you'll show from this preview I got in the car," I chuckle. "I haven't seen any songs from you, I can't wait either," Kazuha gets out and walks to the shop doors.

"Do you visit here often?"

"Actually, I try to go as often as I can. There's never too much albums and vinyls to collect."

"You have a vinyl player?"

"Sure do, I'd love to play it for you sometime."

We browse the endless amounts of music for at least 30 minutes, completely lost in the conversations and recommendations that are going on between us.

"I lived in this area for a long time, so I've honestly become quite familiar with the store itself. Back in the days when Velvet Cigarettes wasn't formed, I would imagine having a band and seeing our albums for sale here."

"I've only been a few times, but each time I've seen your guys music, so you've definitely made it. I wish your childhood self could see what you've achieved now."

"I wish your childhood self could also see you hanging out with the vocalist of your favorite high school band," Kazuha laughs.

"It feels like a dream still," My cheeks begin to flush a little, "Hey, I know that band!" I change the topic and hurry towards another shelf.

"Kazuha?" I turn back to look at him.

"Coming!" He puts away his phone and heads towards me.

"I remember growing up with this band, especially when I was in middle school-"

Suddenly I hear multiple notifications go off on my phone.

"Oh- Uh..."

"Hey, Kazuha... I'll uh- I'll be right back," I laugh it off and hurry to the bathroom. This definitely doesn't sound like a good sign.

I press the call button despite my anxiety being at peak level. He picks up immediately, the sound of yelling filling the bathroom in an echo. "Hey, I said I'm outside, could you stop yelling. What do you want?" I ask, speaking over him.

"You fucking bitch, why don't you respond to me immediately?"

"Maybe because I'm busy."

"You? Busy? Maybe with failing your classes, sure dumbass."

"Excuse me?" I hesitate, but begin to go off on him anyway. "I will have your slow ass know, I'm passing in my classes and you're not at my side constantly looking at any actions I make so you have no right to assume that of me. I'm doing well with my friends and my grades, the rest is none of your business."

"Hey, what the fuck are you yelling at me for? I'm just trying to be a good father!" He retorts.

"Good fathers don't call their children slurs and call them while they're drunk just to act like a bitch. Fuck you."

I hold up my phone, getting ready to throw it onto the ground before regaining my composure. I press down on the end call button, trying to wipe the memory of anything happening just now, but it doesn't work. I face the mirror, frowning at the tears that I didn't even notice had been streaming down my face.

i wipe all of it off, trying to look as presentable as possible. I still had to spend time with Kazuha, I couldn't just leave on him. Would it be worth it to try and explain that I just didn't feel up for it anymore?

I hear a few knocks coming from the bathroom door.

"Hey Y/N, are you good in there? It's already been multiple minutes."

It's Kazuha.

I take a last check on my appearance and go to open the door.

"I'm fine, don't worry!" I smile.

"Are you sure?"

I pause, unsure of what to respond with. It's obvious that I'm not doing well, there's really no point in hiding it. "I... No, I'm sorry, I don't really feel good anymore..." I lean against the wall.

"You should've let me know immediately. I'm not going to pry on what happened, but if you want to leave and go rest, please don't worry."

"That's... Thank you, okay." I straighten myself out and head towards the car.

"If you really need a break and want someone around to comfort you then you can drop by my place tonight? I promise it has a better environment than the college dorms, there's a reason I don't live in them."

"Really? I'd appreciate it, I don't really want to go anywhere that would make my anxiety rise."

"Of course. I have a stash of alcohol and shit to smoke if you'd like to keep your mind off things too."

"I will take you up on that offer, give me the worst alcohol you have, I don't want to remember a thing in the morning. If I miss class, so be it, I'll find a way to catch up on the assignments."

"Alright, alcohol it is."

as long as this chapter is... i did not proofread it and will not, that ones on me LMAO im so sorry 4 dropping angst on the 3rd chapter but at least u get kazuha doing his best to comfort u... i should also stop posting chapters in the middle of the night

taglist: @slvdsjjk @lost-wicked-artist @shhhlistenn @kaika-hanakata @plinkuro @shakiraisawesome @griseoo

[topsytervy]

The Right Time ~ JJ Maybank

Blurb: JJ finds the right time to tell you how he feels in his own JJ way.

This is Part 2 of Not The Right Time so if you haven't read Part 1, you can read it here.

Word Count: 2,819

Warnings: mentions of drinking, cheating, a non-descriptive fight, teensy bit of blood, small nod towards suicidal thoughts at the end, cliche and cheesy writing, swearing, poorly proofread so probably spelling and grammar mistakes, I think that's it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since your breakup with Brett, JJ had been doing everything in his power to make sure you knew it had nothing to do with you and Brett just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

It was hard for him to see you like that, all heart broken and sad, but at least he was able to see you. Kie, Pope, Sarah and John B had tried visiting multiple times during your post breakup hermit phase with little to no success.

A knock on the door sounded throughout the house as JJ finished preparing lunch for you two. 

"Hold on!" He hollered, finishing up your sandwich before heading over to the door.

He opened it to reveal the other four members of your group. 

"Hey." JJ greeted his friends.

"Can we see her today?" John B asked. 

"I can ask but her 'social battery's low'. Her words, not mine." JJ sighed. 

"It's just that it's hard for us to not see her, J." 

JJ looked at Sarah. " At least you don't have to see her completely shattered everyday and have to sit and watch her eat three times a day to make sure she actually does eat."

Pope looked past JJ and saw the sandwiches on the table. "Can I sit with her today?"

JJ looked at Pope before nodding and gesturing towards your sandwich. "That one right there."

Pope smiled before grabbing the sandwich and knocking on your door, hearing a faint come in afterwards.

You looked to see Pope entering, a small smile on his face. "Hey. Heard about your low battery and I figured you'd want to see someone who's not JJ but not the whole peanut gallery."

You smiled lightly as you sat up. "Thanks, Pope. I love JJ but he can be a bit...overbearing sometimes."

"And this is one of those times." Pope nodded.

You sighed as Pope gave you your sandwich.

"He's just concerned about you. We all are." 

"l know."

"How about I tell you about some books I've been reading?"

"I'd like that Pope." You smiled as you bit into your food.

It's not that JJ was bad at comforting or anything like that. In fact, ever since you were a kid, you always went to him for comfort when you were upset. It's just that JJ always seemed to want to rush your mourning period. 

JJ didn't like seeing you sad so the less time you spent crying and moping, the better for him.

"Morning, Y/N/N." JJ smiled lightly as he drew back your curtains.

"J, get out." You mumbled into your pillow.

"You gotta get up, sweetheart." JJ practically sang, walking over to your bed and grabbing the comforter.

Your grip immediately tightened. "Don't J." 

"I know it's only been a week but come on Y/N. Let in some sun. If not for you, do it for your children." He nodded towards your plants as he laid down next to you.

"I can't get up." You told him.

"Sure you can. You're a bad bitch who isn't going to let this break her. I'm not going to allow you to bury yourself in work and hole yourself up in your room forever just because some dumbass doesn't realize when he's got the greatest girl to ever walk the earth."

You stared at the blonde next to you. "JJ. I can't get up cause you're in here and I'm only in my underwear.

JJ rolled his eyes. "Y/N, all due respect, that's no excuse cause I've seen you naked many times before. the time you broke your ankle in the shower being the main one cause I had to help you in and out of the shower multiple times."

You blushed at his words before shoving him. "Just get out."

JJ did as you requested but not before tossing you some clothes.

So when a few months had passed and you seemed to be back to pre-breakup Y/N, JJ was happy to hear Kie mention a party.

Everyone looked at you and you shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

JJ, John B and Pope all exchanged smiles as Sarah and Kie pulled you up from your seat, saying something about making you so hot that the sun would quit and you'd have to take over the job of keeping the earth warm.

JJ watched as you left, sighing as he let his head fall against the back of the couch.

John B looked at his best friend. "Don't be a helicopter JJ tonight."

A look of confusion found its way onto JJ's face. "Helicopter JJ? What the fuck does that mean?"

Pope sighed. "It's like a helicopter parent except you. You tend to hover over Y/N/N at parties and get a bit...protective at times."

"I do that with Kie and Sarah too." JJ scoffed.

"Not really." The boys responded.

"You don't follow Kie's movements as much as Y/N's." Pope started.

"You certainly don't freak out as much when you lose Sarah or Kie but you almost had a panic attack when you lost Y/N that one time at the store and literally had someone page her." John B added.

"You hide some of Y/N/N's clothes when we're going out because you don't like the chance of her wearing something that could cause a guy to like her and cause you to lose your chance with her."

"I once saw you shield her eyes at prom when people started grinding on each other."

"Okay! So I'm a bit more protective of Y/N than the other two. Sue me." JJ cut the two off.

"Point is that this is her first party in months. Let her get a bit too drunk and make out with some hotshot Kook against a tree." 

"Hell, let her get some dick tonight." John B shrugged.

Pope and JJ looked at their curly haired friend before JJ shook his head.

"Fine but she's not getting dick from just anybody. I have to approve of him." JJ said as he stood up and left the room,

The two other boys sat in silence before Pope spoke.

"You know what? I count that as progress and when we make progress with JJ…"

"We have a beer." John B finished, getting up to go get each of them a can.

*****

You and the rest of the pogues made it to the party and found yourselves a home by the bonfire. Rafe, Topper and Kelce had stopped by to say that they were happy to see you again and Kelce was happy that his beer pong partner was back because Rafe and Topper just didn't compare to you. 

JJ stared at you, the fire illuminating your features as you laughed at something Kie had said, red cup in his hand that was half-empty. He brought the cup to his lips and finished his beer before turning to you.

"Refill, Y/N/N?"

You nodded before turning to the rest of the group. "JJ and I are making a refill trip. Who else needs one? Speak now or get it yourself." You announced as you stood up.

JJ smiled at your words before also getting up, ready to grab some cups. Pope and Sarah held out their cups while Kie and John B shook their heads.

You took the cups that needed a refill before you and JJ made your way through the crowd of people towards the keg. JJ cracked some jokes with some of the others around the keg and you rolled your eyes, a small smile on your face before you nudged him with your shoulder.

You two started refilling the cups you had before you were interrupted.

"Haven't see you at a party in awhile, Y/N." 

You and JJ turned your heads to see Brett standing there, two cups in his hand.

JJ rolled his eyes before looking at you, seeing you avert your gaze back to the keg.

"Why don't you go back to your whore over there Brett." JJ deadpanned. 

You smacked JJ's wrist. "Don't call her a whore, JJ. It's rude."

"I'm just stating my opinion."

"Oh so she does still talk. I was just confused when she didn't say hi to me when I greeted her." Brett said.

"Can you get the fuck away from us? She clearly doesn't want to have a conversation with you." JJ snapped. 

"I would love to know what you have to say, Y/N, or are you gonna let JJ over here keep talking for you." Brett aimed at you, ignoring the blonde who was getting more agitated by Brett's presence. 

"I have nothing to say to you." You shrugged, going to grab the cup. 

"We should talk." Brett went to grab you but JJ grabbed his wrist.

"Don't touch her." 

"What are you gonna do about it, Maybank?"

"I've got two fists that have been itching to meet your face for months now and tonight might be their lucky night if you keep it up."

"JJ, lets just go." You whispered, placing a hand on his forearm.

JJ looked at you before grabbing his and Pope's cup before following you back to the group.

"Hey, JJ!" Brett called causing JJ to look back.

You gasped as a fist made contact with JJ's face. JJs hand immediately flew to his eye, gingerly touching his eyebrow. He pulled his fingers away to see blood and he chuckled before swinging his own fist.

It wasn't long before JJ had Brett on the ground, pissed beyond belief. Brett managed to get a few more punches in but JJ definitely got way more in by the time you managed to pull him off of Brett with Kelce's help.

"JJ! Calm down, man! He's not worth your time!" Kelce hollered, pinning his arms to his side. 

"JJ, look at me. It's done. It's over. You're good now." You told him.

Brett stood up with a scoff. "He could have fucking killed me." 

"I fucking should, you cheating son of a bitch!" JJ spat, Kelce's grip tightening on the blonde boy when JJ attempted to lunge forward.

"J, let's just go home. We've had our fun."  

JJ looked at you before relaxing causing Kelce to release his hold on him slowly. You grabbed JJ's hand and pulled him away from the small crowd that had formed around him and Brett.

You two said goodbye to your friends and walked back to JJ's truck, you climbing into the passenger seat and him into the drivers.

It was a quiet ride home, Twenty One Pilots playing softly through the speakers the entire time. JJ referred to them as his therapy band, often putting them on after a hard day at work or after a fight so it wasn't really a surprise that he had one of their CDs in. 

Once you got home and inside, JJ locked the door before turning towards his bedroom.

"Um, excuse me. Where are you going, JJ?" You asked, grabbing his wrist.

"Bed."

You shook your head. "We gotta clean you up. Bed can wait."

You tugged him into the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit as you instructed JJ to sit on the toilet lid. He complied, bouncing his leg up and down as you put a little hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball.

"That's your first fight in a while." You commented, grabbing his chin lightly and forcing him to look at you.

He grunted in response as you started cleaning the few small cuts on his face. "The prick deserved it for what he did to you. You'd have to be fucking nuts to cheat on someone like you."

You felt my heart flutter at his words and I sighed. "I just hate seeing you like this, JJ. All scratched up." 

JJ chuckled as he shook his head lightly. "Oh, Y/N, sweetheart. This is nothing compared to the beat down Brett just got and what my dad used to dish out when I was living with him."

JJ saw your face drop at his words and your eyes begin to water.

"Hey, Y/N. It was just a small joke." He told you gently as he grabbed your hands with his. 

You shook your head and went to pull away from him but he just pulled you back, looking up at you as if he was a parent trying to comfort their child.

It weirdly looked like all those Super Nanny time out scenes where the kid looks down in shame as they apologize and the parent is dipping their head down to make eye contact with the kid. You know what I'm talking about?

"I don't like it when you do the whole 'my dad hit me harder thing', J, whenever you try to play off your pain and injuries." You mumbled, a tear slipping out.

JJ wiped away the single tear, mad at himself for upsetting you. "I'm sorry but maybe the waterworks are a bit much. Hmm?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that you shouldn't fight my battles for me. I was going to just walk away from him."

"I'm sorry, are we ignoring the fact that I was walking away? He threw the first punch and I made sure he would think twice before doing that again."

"I just don't like you getting hurt because of me." You sighed. 

"Hey, I'd rather get hurt than have you get hurt."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and his went around your waist. 

"I always liked your hugs better." You hummed.

JJ felt himself smile. "Yeah?"

You nodded. "You wanna know something, J?"

"Yeah."

"I always felt like you paid more attention to me than Brett. After a year of dating him, he still didn't know my favorite flowers or that I was allergic to bees. Those are the two simplest things to learn about your significant other. You know that I can't even stand the smell of fish sticks anymore or that I can't watch the Freaky Fred episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog or I'll have nightmares." 

"That's because I care about you a lot." JJ whispered, kissing your temple.

You ran a hand through JJs blonde locks and sighed. "I wish I dated you instead."

You froze. You could not believe that you had just told your best friend that. You also could not believe how easily those words left your mouth and how much truth there was to them. You did wish you dated JJ instead and not just because of how attractive he was. He always treated you way better than Brett and was more intune -and concerned- about how you were feeling.

JJ also froze, praying that he heard those words correctly and that it wasn't his mind playing a sick joke. He had been waiting for the right time for months and his gut had been telling him all day that today was the day but he fought the urge, afraid his gut was lying. But this...this must be the sign.

"Do you really mean that?" He asked, fighting a smile in case you meant a guy like him and not actually him.

You paused before nodding. "Yeah, I do."

You felt his arms tighten around you and his face bury itself in the crook of your neck.

"You remember all those months ago when you made a big deal about me liking someone and you asked me why I hadn't made a move yet and I told you it wasn't the right time?" JJ words were muffled by your skin.

"Mhmm."

He pulled away to look at you. "I think now's the right time." 

And then he pressed his lips against yours. You were quick to kiss back and it held the adoration you felt was missing long before you and Brett broke up.

You pulled away, placing a hand on his cheek which caused JJ to close his eyes and lean into your touch.

"Thank you for being in my life." You whispered, taking the forgotten cotton ball in your hand and pressing it to the scratch above his eyebrow.

JJ smiled. "No. Thank you for being in mine. You helped me through the toughest times and gave me a reason to stay."

"I wouldn't have objected to leaving the Outer Banks with you."

"I meant like stay here, like on Earth." He mumbled.

You stared at him before kissing his cheek. "Thank you for staying here with me."

JJ opened his eyes and grinned as some hair fell in front of his eyes. "As much as I love our little moment, can we move the cleaning process along cause I kind of want to climb into bed with you in my arms tonight."

You smiled, pushing his hair out of his face. "Sure thing, Jay-Bird. That sounds amazing."

~~~~~~~~

[shihalyfie]

I've read the comparison between Tagiru and Davis. I really love the comparison between the relationship of the junior and senior since I've never saw it that way that before. I've always known about Davis's admiration, but never the extent. If you could, could you expand on it with the other DigiDestined? I've seen Yolei talking about Izzy, but just not the same extent of Davis.

I’m not sure if you’re working from the English dub perspective (I’m aware that the names are used in multiple countries), but I will say that, if you are, that’s probably the cause of the disparity! Daisuke’s attitude towards Taichi is a lot more apparent in the Japanese version, since his “puppy attitude” is a lot clearer in terms of personality overall, and when you look at the way he treats Taichi, his “Taichi-senpai! ❤️” demeanor is easier to catch onto. (This is also one of those things that I personally never really felt the full extent of until I first saw the Japanese version -- it’s been a while so I’m just consulting my own memory at this point, but I do remember that I used to think it was just a side profile detail before I started watching it in Japanese and realized “oh, wow, that is intense.”) But it is true that we don’t actually have as much to work with as one would think; explicit verbal references to his “look at how incredible Taichi-senpai is!!!!!” attitude mostly come from (unlocalized) side materials like Spring 2003, and in the series proper you have to glean it from the fact he suddenly becomes a soft deferential puppy in his presence and has a certain elevated level of respect around him. (The Japanese version of 02 episode 8 is where this is most apparent, but you can also see it when he pouts because he can’t accompany Taichi in Diablomon Strikes Back, which is a movie that wasn’t dubbed until 2005 and is less well-known in international public memory.) 

Miyako and Koushirou...to be honest, I’d like to do a full meta, but the truth is that the series itself didn’t expand much on that, not even in Japanese! (I’ve complained about this before, too.) I think the reason for this is mainly the “disparity in hobbies”, and the difference between Miyako and Daisuke’s natural personalities -- Miyako works under Koushirou in the computer club, but she also does hardware tinkering (which is not a skill Koushirou does), and she works in sound engineering under Yamato’s band, so she doesn’t have a singular position under Koushirou in the same way Daisuke has a very narrow field of direct senior-junior relevance thanks to soccer. On top of that, Miyako is someone who just kind of dumps affection on everyone regardless of who it is and sticks her nose in anywhere she can “help out”, whereas Daisuke is someone desperately looking for external validation and is thus somewhat seeking Taichi’s approval in particular. So Miyako’s relation to Koushirou is only really one part of her “goes out of her way to be helpful to everyone” characterization, while Daisuke’s relation to Taichi has to do with his deference and tendency to put others on a pedestal.

That said, all of the 02 kids are depicted as adoring their seniors quite dearly, and Miyako is quite the affectionate person, and Koushirou’s one of the few people she knew prior to the start of the series. She refers to him as “Izumi-senpai”, and she goes out of her way to bring back a souvenir for him in 02 episode 34, and while she’s on given-name basis (plus honorific for everyone but Daisuke and Iori) for everyone else in the series, she never quite drops the “Izumi-senpai” -- not even eight years later in Kizuna, when he’s not in the same school as her anymore, but still keeps in contact with her for Digimon community business -- and the impression I get is that the respect and adoration she carried from that time in the Odaiba Elementary computer club never died down in the slightest.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-One

Table of Content or Part Forty

Read here on wattpad.

Words: 3.2k

Warning(s): Explicit language, minor sexual situations, drug abuse, drug over dose

A/N: Had to cut this chapter in half because tumblr was being sketchy w the length of it for some reason. Anyway, second half will be up asap but I'm about to pass tf out. Also, this chapter was gonna have some smut but I put it in with the second half instead because the vibe didn't mesh well with it included in this one. Have a good night, update coming tomorrow/late tonight (Jan. 3). Goodnight!!

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I can't help but laugh a little as Nikki presses kisses up and down my neck, bottle of Jack in one hand, part of my ass in the other as our car takes the both of us through London.

Valentine's Day, 1986, started out as one of the best Valentine's Days we'd spent together.

Nikki's mood wasn't too good or too bad, it was a tolerant neutral, I suppose it's because we hadn't done much talking at all.

He'd woken me up with his tongue between my legs and it stayed that way until I had soaked the sheets and was practically begging him to give me a break because I couldn't take it anymore.

Then we proceeded to screw around, then got ready to leave to meet everyone at the Hammersmith Odeon where they were due to play that night.

"How much longer?" I ask him, pulling away from a tongue filled, lust fueled kiss, referring to the time left before we get where we're going.

"Like, ten minutes, maybe." He tells me.

My hand reaches between us, rubbing over the obvious bulge in his pants, before he reads my mind.

After our quicky, I'm pulling my panties back on while he's pulling his gear from his boot.

I just let out a breath.

"Nikki--"

"--I'm fucked on blow right now, Viv. I gotta get myself leveled out." He tells me.

I just nod a little, not bothering to argue.

Once we arrive, Fred's meeting us in the back to escort us inside as fans are already crowding around the front entrance.

Nikki's grabbing at my hand once we get out, as he and Fred start talking.

"And there's a surprise for you." Fred tells me as we walk in.

I furrow my brows before he's nodding to our left.

I see the massive, teased, blonde hair and flashy clothing and I'm leaving Nikki's side before I can help myself.

Mike's just as happy to see me and I am to see him, the both of us hugging each other tightly before pulling away to examine each other with wide smiles.

He looks incredible.

He's glowing.

He's gained back the weight he lost dramatically after Razzle died, and it's so obvious that he hasn't touched a drink or Drug in months.

He looks at peace.

"You look great." I tell him, looking him up and down.

"I feel great." He replies. "You look..." He starts, examining me similarly.

I look like I've been dragged through hell.

"Like shit." I finish for him and he rolls his eyes.

"Beautiful, Vivian. You've always been beautiful." He argues.

The shining of a silver band around his left ring finger catches my eye, despite multiple rings decorating his hands.

"Now, I've heard about this." I take his hand and look at the wedding band and he gets giddy. "But I have yet to even see her."

He's pulling his wallet out of his pocket and pulling a picture out, showing me a photo of a woman with dark hair, arched brows, who's no-bullshit demeanor is practically jumping out of the picture.

Jude Wilder had been working at CBS when she'd met Michael while working on Hanoi Rocks' project called "Two Steps From The Move."

She was nine years older than him, but that didn't surprise me. Michael's always been nine years ahead of everyone else in maturity, and they were perfect for each other.

They got married in 1985, and were inseparable.

When she died in 2001, after suffering an intracranial hemorrhage, Michael sunk into the excruciatingly low place he sunk to when Razzle died. But in true Mike Monroe fashion, he didn't allow himself to be down very long, threw the drugs out, and was remarried to a gorgeous, sweet, ball of light named Johanna by mid-2003.

"She's gorgeous, Michael." I tell him in admiration, although I know he's never necessarily been into looks as much as he's after a good personality and clear head.

"Thank you. She'll love to hear that." He chuckles, tucking the picture back into his wallet. "Have you seen the other guys here?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

He motions behind me and I see Andy, Sami, and Nasty, talking to Tommy and Nikki.

Nikki beckons for me and I go to them, trying not to be overly motherly upon seeing them, the three of us sharing the same exchange Michael and I did.

Tight hugs, and an invisible thankfulness that they're in a more positive headspace than the last time I saw them.

Well, except one.

Andy's still on heroin. It doesn't take me two seconds to pick up on it and I can tell it's gonna be a priority to keep him and Nikki separated after the show.

I don't need them fueling the fire under each other's spoons.

Sami and Nasty look better than the last time I saw them, which is amazing.

I'm surprised any of the guys want anything to do with us after the thick of their grieving.

"Are you staying for the show?" I ask Andy.

"Absolutely." Andy states, pointing at Nikki. "And I'm showing him around when it's all over."

A protective chord is struck in me, and I'm finding myself having to pull back on the reins before I offend Andy.

Nikki seems to agree, before I shit all over it.

"It's Valentine's Day." I cut in. "I was hoping we could hang out." I look to Nikki.

"You can come with us, babe." He suggests and I try to hide my true emotions about it, but Michael sees through it.

"Oh, c'mon, Nikki. It's Valentines Day." He interjects, picking up on my concern of Andy and Nikki out on the town, binging.

Nikki's pulling a handful of bills out of his pocket before handing it to Michael.

"You take her out, then." He tells him casually, and Michael looks at me, caught off guard, able tell this isn't the first time Nikki's acted like this towards me and it's as if he's saying, "he's like this now?"

"Guys, c'mon, you gotta get dressed." Doc pulls at Nikki and Tommy.

The show goes smoothly, despite a few hiccups and—as predicted—Andy and Nikki are thick as thieves.

I help Nikki get his white and black polka dotted suit off, before he's pulling on his tshirt and jeans, pulling his boots on.

Before I head for the door when he's dressed, he's grasping at my hand and stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask, raising my brows.

"C'mere." He tugs me to him and I chuckle a little. 

"What is it?" I repeat, grinning, and he leans down and presses his lips to mine, sweetly.

"I really wish you would come with me tonight." He tucks some of my hair behind my ear and I shake my head a little.

"Nah, I'll just hangout with Mike."

"No, I wanna hangout with you." He argues lightly.

"You and Andy are gonna be doing things I'm not into." I point out.

"Like what?" He asks.

"You know what." I reply.

"Alright, how about you and Mike come with us so you aren't by yourself?"

"How about you just don't touch heroin?" I suggest and his smile falters, his jaw rolling. I don't even let him say anything else.

I kiss him one last time before trying to sweep whatever argument is brewing, under the rug.

"I'll see you when you get back tonight, Nikki, okay?" I ask and he sighs out.

"Whatever, Viv." He mumbles as I step out.

I find Mike and Tommy telling Nasty and Sami "goodbye", and I step to them, glancing around for Vince, who isn't anywhere to be seen.

It's obvious he's keeping his distance.

"Leaving already?" I ask the two dark haired boys.

"Got to get back home for a bit. We'll see you around, eventually." Nasty tells me, grinning as he squeezes my hand assuringly.

"I'll be meeting Mike back in the states in about a month." Sami adds. "We'll he sure to stop by."

"Okay." I nod, smiling at the both of them. "Be careful, I'll see you later." I them.

"See you, man." Mike tells the two of them, hugging the both of them.

"Big plans tonight, Viv?" Tommy nudges me and I point my thumb in Mike's direction. "What about Nikki?"

"He's married to Andy's dealer tonight." I reply and Mike raises his brows, not saying a word, and Tommy seems like he doesn't quite know how to respond.

"We're outta here!" Andy exclaims, he and Nikki stepping to the exit with Fred escorting them out to their car.

"He's really not spending tonight with you?" Tommy asks me, disappointed, and I raise my brows.

"Are you surprised?"

"..." He says everything with a single look and I nod.

"Exactly." I scoff, going to the dressing room to grab my purse.

Once I get back, Fred is waiting for Mike and I.

"Press talks." Fred warns us right before we step outside.

The paps aren't horrid here like in America, but there's enough here to spin a narrative if they choose.

"So does bullshit." I reply as he opens the car door and I slide in with Mike following me.

"Be careful, guys. I'll see you later, Viv." Fred tells me and I nod before he shuts the door.

Michael looks at me with a smile.

"What now?" He asks me and I shake my head a little.

"Food." I tell him. "And a lot of it."

Although I would have loved to spend the day of love with my husband, spending it with Michael Monroe while stuffing my face with London's very best take-out, was nice.

But there was someone who upstaged Nikki, aside from Mike.

I step into the hotel after dinner with Michael and his wife, carrying my heels in my hands because my feet are killing me, ready to go to sleep.

"Mrs. Sixx, there was a delivery made to your room by your management earlier." The woman at the front desk tells me as I walk by to the elevator.

"Alright, thank you." I reply.

When I get to my room, I unlock the door and I'm met with a large bouquet of classic red roses.

I furrow my brows, knowing they can't be from Nikki, but already know who they can be from when I see two little plastic water guns tucked into the flowers, a bottle of Pepsi and a bag of gummy worms beside them.

I pick up the card and nearly start crying.

"We miss you! Happy V-Day, V!

Love, more than Jack and Marlboro (or Pepsi and gummy worms), Tansy, Steven, Axl, Izzy, Slash, and Duff."

It's etched in Doc's handwriting, and I chuckle at the thought of Doc on the phone with Tansy while she dictates what he writes on a card for flowers she probably begged him to get me before the show ended tonight.

I keep myself from crying, a strong sense of homesickness washing over me.

I pick up the phone, trying to calculate the time difference.

It's 2:00am here, which means it's only 6:00pm in L.A.

I'm dialing their apartment—damning the overseas charge that I know will be billed to us—knowing they're probably getting ready to go out or head to a club for a gig.

"Yo." I hear Steven's voice on the other line.

"Hey, Steven, it's Viv."

"Viv?" He asks excitedly. "Aye, Viv's on the phone!" I hear him say, hearing indistinguishable sentences in the back ground.

"Yeah, I just called to let you guys know I just got back to my room and saw the flowers." I explain, fumbling with the phone chord, sitting down on the bed.

"Do you like 'em?" He asks me and I nod to myself.

"Yes, they're beautiful." I reply.

"Well, Tansy mentioned getting you something for Valentine's Day and she and Duff called the guys' manager and told him some stuff you'd like." He informs me.

"I-Is Duff there?" I ask.

"Uhh, yeah, gimme a second." He tells me. "Duff! Man, it's Viv!" He calls into the apartment. "He's comin', baby." He assures me. "Alright, here he is."

"Bye, I love you." I tell him.

"I love you, too." He replies as I hear the phone being handed off.

"Hello?" Duff answers and I rub my lips together.

"Hey, I know you're probably busy so I wasn't gonna keep you long, I just wanted to say 'thank you' for the flowers and the junkfood I really shouldn't be eating but I'm going to eat anyway." I state and he chuckles.

"I'm just waiting on the guys, and I thought about Coke and potatoe chips but I knew that would be kinda mean so I played it safe." He informs me.

"You don't have a mean bone in your body, Duff." I point out. "Oh, guess who I ate dinner with tonight?"

"Nikki?" He asks and I scoff.

"That's an entire conversation on it's own." I reply. "Michael Monroe and his lovely wife, Jude, took me out to dinner."

"You can't just say it that casually, Viv." He tells me. "You gotta cry tears of joy or something, holy shit."

"Well, I suggest you learn how to keep your cool because him and Sami Yaffa will be visiting L.A. soon and I will be introducing you and the guys, if you're interested."

"Shut up." He says it in disbelief and I smile.

"Guns N' Roses came up during dinner and I may or may not have bragged about one W.Axl Rose, Steven Adler, Izzy Stradlin, Slash Hudson, and Duff McKagan and piqued his interest."

"Shut up!" He says it louder. "Viv, I know it's not a big deal to you because he's one of your friends but...holy shit, Sixx, you didn't have to do that."

"I did, Duff. You guys deserve it." I argue. "You deserve it."

"I fucking love you." He tells me, genuinely. "And I'm not just saying that because you did something nice, like, I can't say 'thank you' enough or tell you how much I love you for being just as enthusiastic as we are and believing in us as much as you have for the past year."

"You guys are great people, Duff. And God's given the five of you incredible musical gifts. It's against my religion not to help expose those gifts to the rest of the world and I know you guys can do it, as much as you guys know you can."

"Thank you, Viv." He tells me again. "And where's Nikki at?" He asks me and I close my eyes for a second, not wanting to say something that will put a damper on his mood.

"He wasn't feeling well so he came back to the hotel while the three of us went to dinner. But he's feeling better now and he's in the shower so we'll spend some time together when he's out." I lie.

"Okay, good. The guys are about ready to go, now, so I'm gonna let you go." He tells me.

"Alright, have fun." I reply, trying to force back tears. "And tell the guys I said 'hey' and that I miss them." I add.

"I will, Viv. Goodnight. I love you." He states, and a tear topples over my lashline, pretending, just for a moment, I'm hearing those words from Nikki.

A sad, broken smile cracks at my lips.

"I love you, too, Duff." I reply. "Goodnight."

I hang up, stepping to the bathroom to take off my makeup and get a shower.

By the time I get out of the shower, I'm so tired my mind practically shuts down the second my head hits the pillow. 

Typically I wouldn't be able to sleep due to being alone, however, I'm not technically alone. 

A loud, startling bang rattles at my door, and I jerk awake, confused for a moment. I glance at the clock, seeing it's only 3:30am, and I roll my eyes, knowing it's Nikki and he probably left his key somewhere.

Without even looking in the peep-hole, I open the door to see a frantic, panicking Andy.

Before this continues, I need to clarify that I understand it isn't anyone else's fault that Nikki did drugs. He had his struggles and demons all without anyone offering him anything to shoot up, snort, swallow down, or drink. He could have easily said "no" to these things, but for some reason just couldn't.

But back then, I knew people knew he couldn't help himself. So no one who could have been considered an enabler was off limits. And Andy was an enabler.

All it takes is for him to say the words "Nikki's in bad trouble" and my face twists, tears toppling from my eyes, an entire wave of emotions rocking through my body, before I'm throwing both of my fists at him.

"Vivian!" He's screaming repeatedly as I'm yelling out nonsense at him, sobbing, weakly hitting him.

Once I've gotten calmed down in a couple minutes, Andy's grabbing at my shoulders, his cheek bleeding from my ring cutting him.

"Get your head clear." He practically has to pull me together for myself.

I'm running down the street from the hotel as fast as my bare feet can take me, Andy leading me to the run-down apartment he and Nikki were hanging out at. 

I walk into to this rat holding a baseball bat of Nikki, about to hit him.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Andy barks at him as I snatch the bat from his hands.

I'm about to hit him with it instead, but Andy's grabbing at me. "Viv, keep your head clear." He tells me again, pulling the bat from my hands and I glare into the sunken in eyes of the stranger, silently promising he'll get his when I get my blue husband awake.

I'm overwhelmed and feel defeated at the sight of him.

Blue, soaking wet from being wet down in an attempt to be woken up, and the deterioration of his body from his use is even more evident in his current state. 

Andy is screaming at the guy for hitting him with a bat instead of continuing to give him mouth to mouth and pumping his chest like Andy had been doing before he came and got me. 

I start CPR, trying to keep my shit together, but I obviously fail.

My stomach cramps like shards of glass are scraping at me. Except it's not my stomach, it's my uterus. 

"Andy." I cry out, keeping my hands on Nikki's chest, but the Finnish rockstar keeps yelling back and forth with the dealer. "Andy." I repeat, louder, but he still doesn't hear me. "Andy!" I'm pleading in a holler, catching his attention. "I-I can't do this, I'm sick, just call an ambulance!" I beg and Andy heads to the phone hanging on the wall. 

"No!" The living dead-rat argues roughly, fear in his pinned eyes as he practically snatches the phone off the wall, refusing to hand it to Andy.

"My husband is dying if not already dead! He needs help!" I argue, sweat beginning to perspire thinly on my skin, my own pain intensifies, my vision starting to blur slightly as I feel hot liquid rush from between my bare legs, and I'm blacking out along with Nikki. 

[queensgaybeach1d]

Hiya love, how are you? Lately I've been thinking a lot about Larry and all the other 1D ships. I know it's very possible that Larry is real, there are so many facts that hint to it being real, but 1D doesn't really exist anymore and the boys moved on. We haven't seen H and L in the same room since Lou's X Factor performance in 2016. I don't know if they really could sneak around without being seen considering how famous they are. [1] tbc

 [2] And as much as I love the idea of Larry being a thing I still have my doubts. Babygate has been going on for 4 years now, it’s hard to believe that Louis would fake paternity for so long. Maybe he just fucked up and drunkenly hooked up with Briana, resulting in her getting pregnant? And the older Freddie gets the more he looks like Louis (I know you don’t believe this, trust me I don’t want to believe it either). tbc

[3] This whole thing just messes with my head. I miss fetus Larry when they openly joked around with each other and randomly hugged each other. But as the years went on they interacted with each other less. Harry went out with beautiful women, Louis has been in longterm relationships (fake or not doesn’t matter) and they don’t even acknowledge each other anymore. How can I still believe in them after everything that happened since 1D went on hiatus? tbc

[4] Ugh I’m just so frustrated. Sorry for spamming your inbox, I hope you don’t mind. I just needed to get this off my chest. Have a nice day! xoxo

——————————————————————————————————

Hi my rose, 

How are you? I am doing fine. My apologies for not answering your question as soon as possible. I just saw it in my inbox. ;)

My heart just broke in two pieces when you wrote that 1D have moved on and are not together, they are, love. I definitely think they will reunite within the next two/three years and not for a final performance, but as the gorgeous band they are. 

I do not think you (and many more people) understand how sly the media actually is. So If you are okay with it I will give you a few examples. When Louis travels to visit his sisters in Doncaster, where are our pictures? Nowhere to be seen. When Louis travels with is beard, where are the pictures? Everywhere, plus a double doses of headlines the next day. Louis went to an animal sanatorium with his sisters. Tons of people go there, why did the paparazzi not picture him there? Back in 2012 Louis and Eleano were ‘visiting’ (stunting) Disneyland. There was even a video of some bodyguards telling girls to stop taking pictures. Still, we got tons of hq paparazzi pics from them in Disneyland. Where is the privacy then? They try to make them look all private, but they ruin it on the other side again. Lots of people go to the animal sanatorium too, but no fan gave their location, no fan took a picture and no paparazzi was there.

 People call paparazzi, because of money. They want to show off a certain brand or they want to be seen in public with someone else to get relationship rumors spread about them. All of this happens. There was even this one paparazzi picture in which Louis looked so cute and next to him there was a huge sign. On the sign was written that paps were not allowed in that area. I can not find the picture, right now but I will add it to the post if I find it. (I found it)

Moving on, there is something you also need to know. The celebrity does not hire the paparazzi in 1D’s case. The label does that, the boys told us themselves about their ‘freedom’. They could not dye their hair, be chubby and grow their facial hair. Think about this, do you genuinely think that the boys could and would call the paparazzi on themselves? They complain day and night about them and rightly so. The only celebrities who would do such a thing are The Kardashians. 

So in short: they can move around in private without paparazzi following them. It happens daily. Where has Niall been this week? Did he not go outside? Yes he did, but no paparazzi was called on him. Imagine that in some different universe paparazzi would actually follow them everywhere, how about private doors, they could dress up as different people. There are endless possibilities, but still they get papped. That is not right.

Babygate is indeed going on for a long long time. People start to doubt it, something I indeed do not understand. I have made a post about it too. I do not think you should think something is real because it lasts so long, when there is proof that her bump is fake. That has been proven, multiple times.  Why would she actually steal Amberfillerups pictures? If someone could please give me a solid answer to those question and more. Look love, Brianas whole pregnancy could have been real, but I would still not believe the kid is Louis’. I am not believing a man like Louis compared him to a dog, said he was not really excited with the baby etc. 

Also love, it is not that I do not want to believe that Freddie ‘looks like him’. I just do not believe it, nor do I see it at all. It feels like you think that I am lying to myself, and believe me I am way to old to fool myself like that. Like, even if someone would point a gun to my head and tell me to believe it, I would still say ‘’No NO NO NO’’ it is just a big NO to me. I have not thought for a second that it was Louis’ baby, but I think it is difficult for you to understand it if you think these things are not possible. The kind of fear they put into you. You could check out my tag #pr industry or #music industry. Not to mention Louis not cooperating with the stunt at all.

Honey, stuff like this do not exist because he was joking. It exists because he is trying to tell them something. Everyone can literally see that this is a fake doll. Everyone. Remember that in 2012 a doll was also tossed on stage with ‘’Larry’s love child’’ on it and Louis did NOT toss it away. He put it next to him without reassuring it was a fake doll, everyone can see that. He also wore a MJ shirt for a teaser. The shirt has something to do with Billy Jean. 

I miss 2011/2012 1D more and more each day. They were pure and real. It is unfortunate and weird that they can not do that stuff in public anymore. That can never ever happen because of the Larry rumors. I do think you know how I debunk those fake relationships that is why I did not go to much into it. 

The answer to your question is quite easy, my love. Look between the lines. There have been gorgeous 2019 Larry moments. If you would like to check it out: https://queensgaybeach1d.tumblr.com/post/185227803529/a-lot-of-people-have-been-saying-larry-broke-up

We indeed do not see them in public anymore, but patience is the key to all you want right? Just have patience and everything will be fine. That we do not see something does not mean that it is not there. We just see the part they (the label) want us to see.

 It is okay, love. There is no need to worry. It is totally okay to ask me stuff like this. I love answering your questions. I hope you will have a nice week, my love. Thank you so much for the question, love. ;)

Little gift: If you know the history behind this picture, you are a blessed soul. If you do not know it you are still a blessed soul. (I would never want to wish someone a bad thing).

[fatpingu]

My Secret Guardian

Chapter one - The band T-shirt

Warning: Explicit language, depression and anxiety 

"Are you okay?"

Those words didn't mean anything anymore. They all lied to me. They asked me the same question every day, but they didn't care about my answer anymore. It's okay tho. I lied too with a simple "yes."

I had felt wretched for several years, and I guess my coworkers had noticed it. Nobody tried to actually find out what was wrong with me. They only asked if I was okay, and then patted themselves on the back for being a good samaritan. I didn't blame them for not caring, I probably wouldn't have either. All I did was sit at my desk looking like I was tired of living. Which i was. I did the same thing every day. I woke up at 6 am, got to work at 7:30 am, ate lunch at 12:45 pm, got home at 5 pm, ate dinner at 6:30 pm and went to bed at 9 pm. And to spice things up, I sometimes had mental breakdowns incorporated into my routine.

About two years ago, I had my first panic attack and I couldn't stop crying. I was at a conference and stood in line for lunch. Suddenly I felt everybody staring at me. I was really insecure about my body and feeling all those eyes on me while I was getting food. No thank you. I could feel them judging me with their eyes. Judging how much food was on my plate. I hurried out of the room and went to the hall. Then it started.

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn't stop shaking or crying. My body got all heavy and it felt like I was going to die. Since that day, my mood has been severely decreased.

Nobody helped me back then either. Except for one guy. I vaguely remembered him, but I knew he helped me.

I had trouble standing and was kind of stumbling around. He guided me over to a chair so I could sit down. I didn't really look at his face. I just stared at his hands in mine while he talked to me. I know he tried to help, but I didn't really listen to anything he said.

I did however notice a tattoo on his left hand. A very small one. I couldn't really see what it was. It was probably pretty old and faded. For some strange reason, that tattoo helped me with my breathing. I stopped thinking about my panic and started to focus on what in the world that tattoo was supposed to look like. But before I could look properly at the guy, he was called into a meeting.

I left the conference after that. There was no way in hell that I would've willingly walked back to all those people, while my eyes were red and my cheeks stained from my makeup.

"Have you heard about Sarah?" I overheard my coworker ask another. She probably didn't know I was in one of the bathroom stalls.

Sarah was my boss who had been sick on and off for the last 6 months. We had an... Okay relationship. She was the only person I liked at my job and I was one of the few she didn't hate.

"They fired her."

I could feel my heart clench. My hope for Sarah to come back to work was the only thing that kept me there. I hated my job when Sarah wasn't there. She was the only one who actually generally cared when she asked me if I was okay. I would still lie and say yes, but her concern made me.. Kind of happy.

My coworkers left the bathroom while still talking about Sarah. I didn't feel like leaving the stall yet. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

Throughout the 5 years I had worked at the firm, I had gone through multiple bosses. Sarah was my second boss, but got transferred to another city. Two years later, she came back and became my boss again.

That's it! I thought to myself. If Sarah isn't coming back, I'm quitting. I was sick and tired of that shitty job and being around those fake people.

I wiped my tears away and walked out of the stall. This was the time. I was going back to my desk and I was going to write my notice.

I walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to my desk, not noticing that someone was talking to me. A hand grabbed my shoulder and I froze. That grab had scared the living shit out of me, but I tried not to show it.

"Uhm.. excuse me? I didn't mean to scare you, but do you know where Sarah Holland's office is?" a deep voice asked me.

I turned around to see a man dressed in some denim jeans, a purple band T-shirt and holding a backpack in front of him. He definitely didn't know the dress code.

"She isn't here right now. She is on sick leave," I told him while still looking at his clothes. If he was trying to get a job here, he definitely chose the wrong outfit.

"Oh i know.." He mumbled quietly. "I'm her substitute." I stopped scanning him for a second and looked at his face for the first time since we started the conversation. He was older than I expected. He had an awkward smile on his face, but it was very welcoming. He also had the darkest eyes I had ever seen in my entire life.

"I'm Alexander by the way," he said and fumbled to get one of his hands away from his backpack without dropping it. I reached for his hand and shook it.

"Her office is over at the left door," I told him and pointed to Sarah's office. He thanked me and walked to the direction I had given him.

You know.. Those jeans do look good on him I thought to myself while my eyes scanned the backside of him. It's a damn shame that attire isn't suited here.

The next day came around and as always my shift started at 7:30 am.

I walked over to my desk, sat down and turned on my computer. The laptops at this firm always took forever to start up. While I was staring at my computer, waiting for it to accept my login, I heard some loud noises coming from Sarah's office.

I went over to the door and placed my ear near it so I could hear what was going on. I had only been standing there for about 10 seconds before the door flung up, making me jump back in shock.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to snoop around! I just heard-" I stopped myself from further embarrassment.

"Oh it's okay! You probably heard me dropping my laptop," Alexander answered, probably as embarrassed as myself. I stretched my neck to the side to look into the office. As I saw the broken laptop on the floor I could confirm that it was indeed that that had made the noise. Jesus Christ I thought to myself as I looked back at him with eyes wide open. I could tell that it was an expensive laptop.

"First real day at the job and I've already broken the inventory," he nervously laughed.

There was no need to make things worse, so I offered him mine. My job position didn't really need a laptop, it just made it a hell of a lot easier. He accepted the offer, took my laptop and went back into Sarah's office.

I sat back down at my desk and started to write customer orders down by hand. It took me about 30 minutes to write down 11 orders.

Why did I lend him my computer? This fucking sucks! I thought to myself as I scribbled down another order.

My hand started to cramp from writing nonstop. I wasn't really used to using a pen instead of a keyboard. Hopefully the people who were going to read this could translate that scrawl.

Lunchtime rolled around, and I had managed to write down half of the day's order and give myself arthritis.

I walked into the lunchroom, grabbed my oatmeal and sat down at the empty table. I had been so tired the day before that I didn't really feel like making a proper lunch.

"What a healthy lunch!" a deep voice suddenly exclaimed. I looked up from my food and saw Alexander standing at the other side of the table, holding a store bought sandwich.

"Do you mind if i sit here?" Words I haven't heard in a long time. No one ever wanted to sit and have lunch with me. To be fair, I wasn't really that fun to have lunch with. Other than the fact that I hated my coworkers, I didn't really have a lot in common with them to hold a proper conversation.

"Go ahead" I almost whispered. There was a good solid 10 minutes where neither of us were talking. He was probably just as awkward as me.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your laptop. That was really nice of you," he smiled as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"No problem," I quietly nodded. It was clear that neither of us was used to small talk.

The majority of my colleagues had left the room. Probably to go out to smoke or to pee. The ones that were left had their own quiet conversation by themselves.

My mind started to wander as I discreetly tried to look at Alexander without him noticing. He definitely wasn't my age. I shot him to be around 15 years older than me. He had brown curly hair that clearly didn't want to cooperate. His beard was hardly a beard. It was very patchy. My eyes trailed down to his shirt. A band T-shirt yet again, but not the same as the one from the day before. He must have noticed my confused eyes, because he suddenly stopped eating and looked down.

"Do you like my shirt?" He smiled, looking very proud of himself. My eyes glanced up to meet his. To be honest, I did. It was a yellow AC/DC shirt with a canon on it. Above the canon there was written "For those about to rock." I couldn't help but to crack a smile. His smile was so contagious.

"Yeah it's pretty cool," i smirked, letting my guard down. But it came up again pretty quickly. "But just so you know, that type of clothes isn't very professional and if you want to work here, you have to put some effort into your outfit!" I hissed.

His smile faded a bit and he looked down at his food again. It wasn't the first time i had snapped at one of my coworkers, but it was the first time i felt bad afterwards.

I looked regretful down at the table, wanting to be anywhere else but there. He started to fumble with his sandwich and my eyes followed his hands.

He had strong hands and what looked like a birthmark on the left. He had his nails painted black. Well.. the majority of the nail polish was chipped. It wasn't really a bad look in my opinion. I liked it when men didn't care about gender norms and did what they wanted to. Lucky for him, the company dress code didn't say anything about nail polish, so he could continue to wear it. He just needed it freshened up.

There was such a thick awkward silence in the lunchroom, that you could practically hear the lightbulbs.

The rest of my colleagues had left, and it was only me and Alexander that was still sitting in the room.

Why was I such an asshole to him? He had been nothing but nice to me. I wanted to apologize so bad, but I was too used to self sabotaging, that all I could do was stay quiet.

Alexander finished his sandwich. God he was a slow eater. "I don't really have anything nicer to wear," he almost mumbled. I looked up at him, trying my hardest to stop frowning.

"How come? Aren't you like 40?" Those words sounded so much meaner than I anticipated, but they had already left my lips before I noticed. He smiled at me, clearly without taking any offense to my words.

"Ah yes.. A man of my age should be able to doll oneself up," he joked. I couldn't help but to laugh. It was just so unexpected since I basically mocked his age.

His smile widened and he seemed generally happy by my response. "But in all seriousness, I haven't really been needing a suit. That's why I don't have one," he smirked. "And yes, I'm 42 years old, but I don't look older than 68." I rolled my eyes at him. That was just such a dad joke.

And speaking of dad, I wondered if he was one. To be fair, he had the age for it. Before my mind drove completely off, my phone buzzed, indicating that my lunch break was over.

When I came back to my desk, I had gained some movement back in my wrist, but each time I tried to write something, the pen felt fifty times heavier.

It didn't really help that I couldn't concentrate either. Did Alexander hate me now? It actually felt like he wanted to be friends and I was just being such a cunt to him. Would it have killed me to complement his shirt? I really liked it and it would have cost me nothing to just say that when he asked. And why did I even care about his outfit? He could do what he wanted, I wasn't his boss. On the contrary, he was mine. Well for now at least. I had already sent my notice to the headquarters, so i would be gone in two weeks anyways. Why did I even care if he hated me or not? I knew my other coworkers didn't like me, and I didn't care. But why do I care now?

"Hey! How is it going with the orders?" a baritone voice almost yelled, making me jump in my chair.

"Jesus Christ! You don't have to give me a heart attack!" I barked, looking up to see Alexander. He was smiling at me, even though I had yelled at him for what felt like the 100th time that day. He looked down at my paper to see what probably looked like hieroglyphs. He narrowed his brows and looked back at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked. My heart sank a little. I could feel the concern in his voice, even though he was only asking because of my horrendous handwriting.

I took a breath, trying hard not to be an asshole again or to lie for that matter.

"No. My wrist hurts like hell," I answered while shaking my head.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I'll go get your laptop!" He walked away so quickly, that I didn't get to say anything else.

Stop being so fucking nice to me, i thought to myself. In what felt like a split second, he had returned with my laptop.

"You idiot, now you won't have anything to use," I sighed.

"I don't want you to hurt," he said calmly.

Well that's too fucking late.

"I already ordered a new one that will be here tomorrow, so it doesn't matter if i miss 3 hours of work. I can catch up with it tomorrow."

I stared at the laptop, then back at him, then back at the laptop. I hated that he was being so nice to me.

"Well.. I better get to work then," I said as I started typing on the keyboard. He didn't leave my desk. I could almost feel his eyes burn into the side of my face.

Was he waiting for a thank you? It was my computer that he gave back to me. I didn't need to thank him. Did I?

My head turned and I looked up at him. My eyes meet his. Those eyes were like black holes. They were so dark, that you couldn't distinguish the pupils from the iris, and they sucked you in like real black holes.

He smiled at me and started to walk towards his office. "Call if you need me," he shouted as he closed the office door.

Fuck my life. I could feel my coworkers looking at me. I hated unwanted attention more than anything. Why the hell did he need to shout? The traffic warden down the street probably heard him.

I looked around the room to catch the people who were daring enough to stare at me. It didn't seem like it, but I knew some of them had definitely gawked in my direction. I hated it so much.

It was so anxiety inducing. My hands began to shake and I could feel the cold sweat starting to form. It was the event at the conference all over again.

Before my thoughts had a chance at eating me up from the inside, a sound came from my computer. It was an email.

That dumbass forgot to turn off the sound after he borrowed it. It was so freaking loud, that it almost scared me.

I tried to calm myself with some deep breaths, before opening the email. It was a link to a YouTube clip from Alexander.

He gave me back my laptop so he could sit and watch YouTube on his phone? What a boss indeed.

I kind of didn't want to watch it, but I was also really curious. I put on my headphones and started the video. It was an old video of Paul Hunt doing gymnastics while dressed as a little girl.

It was probably one of the funniest things I had ever seen. It was so hard, trying not to laugh out loud. It was almost like he knew I needed a distraction from what was going on.

I looked behind me at the door to his office. Closed. It must have been a coincidence then.

5 pm rolled around, and it was time to head back home.

After I got my laptop back, the customer orders almost wrote themselves.

My colleagues had already left the building, but I was a little bit behind schedule, so I stayed a little longer. I kind of enjoyed the silence.

I could work in peace without the usual distractions. There was always the casual gossiping, the sound of long nails clacking on a keyboard or my personal favorite, the fake ass laugh when someone tried to convince a future customer over the phone. God I hated that job.

"Are you ready to go home for the day?" I looked behind me in surprise. I had been 100% sure that I was the last one left. I guess not. A thing that I had noticed about Alexander, was that he was really good at sneaking up on me.

"Yeah, but why are you still here?" I asked curiously while packing up my stuff.

"I wanted to make sure you got to your car safe," he replied.

My car was literally parked 30 feet away from the entrance, so there was no need to worry about my safety. Sure, there had been times where my tires had been slashed and i had to call a cab, but that was probably just some teenagers thinking it was funny.

I turned off the lights and walked out of the building with Alexander right behind me.

"You don't need to walk me to my car. I'm not a child," i insisted. He looked over at my car and giggled. "Well tough luck, 'cus it's parked right beside mine."

We walked over to our cars, but he didn't get into his before I started to pull out of the booth.

What was he so worried about? And why did he even care? He is so fucking weird, I thought to myself as i drove home.

I picked up a pizza on the way home. After destroying my wrist for five hours, pizza was definitely the thing I needed.

The rest of the evening was spent on devouring a whole pizza, half a bottle of wine and some stale cookies. I had only eaten two portions of oatmeal the entire day, so it was safe to say that I was indeed starving. The wine was just a bonus.

After i was done eating i looked through YouTube to find something to fall asleep to. It had become this weird habit. Such a big habit even, that I literally couldn't fall asleep unless there was some background noise.

I looked at the recommended selection and found the perfect one. Another Paul Hunt video.

Damn, even at home he's still  helping me, I chuckled for myself. I pressed play and snuggled up under my blanket.

"Paulette Huntanova is back. Dazzled the crowd at two previous.."

Chapter two

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hi! I've read many of your posts and they're awesome! Think of this one! If the Dragon Riders were in a Modern AU what would be their hobbies? What kind of animals will their dragons be?

Thank you so much!

There have been lots of different interesting modern AUs whereby the dragons have become cats, dogs, or even horses. There’s some good appeal to each idea. Personally, I wouldn’t mind making the dragons based upon the creatures they were designed from; so, Toothless would be a cat, Stormfly a bird, Meatlug a dog, and... I guess Barf and Belch would be a snake and Hookfang a lizard or something.

Now for hobbies...

Hiccup

Hiccup is the inventive powerhouse of Berk. In a modern AU, Hiccup would likely be just as revolutionary - and the area where our greatest technological development is currently... is computers. I can easily imagine Hiccup as someone who constantly fiddles around with both computer hardware and software. He’s built his own machines. He knows how to program in multiple languages. I like to imagine modern!Hiccup as a techie who spends a lot of his hobby free time playing around with computers.

If we want, we could also suggest that Hiccup has other hobbies in other areas of invention and creating. Maybe Hiccup is decent at fixing cars, too, or at the very least knows the basics. Maybe he’s taken a woodworking class in high school. His high school physics projects were possibly a little over the top. If Hiccup enters any club at his high school, it’s the robotics club.

Another significant area of hobbies for Hiccup is going to be the arts. Hiccup is canonically a talented artist in the DreamWorks franchise. There’s no reason why Hiccup wouldn’t enjoy sketching and drawing in the modern world, too. His preferred art style is probably realism, with an emphasis of making the image more photorealistic as versus developing a recognizable artistic style. He’s probably drawn a lot on paper, but given as he loves the latest technology, does a bit with digital art, too.

I don’t think Hiccup would have gotten into sports. Stoick might have tried to put his kid into a few sports when he was younger, and maybe Hiccup tried some other sports on his own volition in the desperate attempt to appear “cool.” No success. Hiccup would not be an athlete growing up. The one potential area of exception is equestrian sports. Even if I do like Toothless as a cat best, there’s still something fun to be said about Hiccup having an ability to ride an animal extremely well in a modern AU. Hiccup could be quite talented riding horses, capable of competing in every event from jumping to dressage.

Astrid

Astrid, unlike Hiccup, is an accomplished athlete. She tried soccer/football at a young age and was pretty good at it. She stuck with it for a number of years until she switched to rugby. On top of that, Astrid has trained as a gymnast since she was very young, and also tried her hand at several martial arts. Even for sports she has not officially competed in, she still manages to perform impressively. She steals the day for informal volley ball matches she has with friends, and everyone wants her on their team for ultimate frisbee. Heck, she’s probably wrestled some of her friends to the ground on random occasions, too.

Astrid spends so much time on her academics and competitive sports that she doesn’t have too many hobbies outside of these. She’s never had the time and attention to develop her cooking skills, though on the rare occasion she tries to make eggnog, everyone in the family runs frantically away.

Snotlout

Snotlout in the DreamWorks franchise seems to be accomplished with the needle. Maybe this translates to a modern world, too; Snotlout actually knows how to cross-stitch and work a sewing machine and knit scarves (which he always claims are made by his aunt, not him).

Snotlout also mentions working out in the first HTTYD movie. I bet Snotlout loves going to the gym to lift weights and tone his hot body several times a week. He’s probably not that talented at actual team sports (despite trying to sign up and show off on a few of the most popular sports), but he can make up for his embarrassing year of football by lifting impressively at the gym. Well, he thinks it’s impressive, anyway. And it’s not bad. Though... Astrid can outlift him.

Fishlegs

DreamWorks’ biggest nerd will be a nerd in the modern world, too. To be honest, Fishlegs’ hobbies are really easy for me to imagine!

Fishlegs plays Magic: The Gathering and has even been to a few local tournaments. He knows all the ins-and-outs of the game, the most expensive cards, the best tactics, you name it. You get him started talking about MTG... and he won’t shut up for another few hours. He’s also a huge video game lover and can be seen on the PC or console several hours a day. Especially, he’s obsessed with League of Legends.

Fishlegs enjoys watching nerd culture movies and knows a decent amount of comic book material. He’ll watch superhero movies and get into debates about which hero would beat who in what sort of competition. You’ll find him at the occasional local comic or sci-fi convention. Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, Teen Titans... he’s enjoyed them all.

In high school, Fishlegs enjoyed a few academic competitions, especially in the sciences. I am sure he’s participated in both Science Bowl and Science Olympiad. He’s probably gotten a few medals from Science Olympiad at both the regionals and state level... maybe even making it to the national competition.

It’s also fairly easy for me to see Fishlegs as a band geek and/or orch dork.

Tuffnut

Tuffnut also seems to know a bit about needlework given comments in RTTE. He also seems to like interior decorating and other such things. Perhaps in the modern world Tuffnut has a good eye for fabric and tailorsmanship, too. I’m going to suggest this not so much because it’s in his character but because it’s amusing to consider: but Tuffnut making cosplay. That could be entertaining. Or maybe it’s just unusually elaborate Halloween costumes? It’s a holiday he and Ruffnut get a little too engrossed in.

I don’t imagine Tuffnut being involved in too many activities, especially not formal clubs or extracurriculars. However, there’s one exception: theatre. Tuffnut adores theatre, and I’m sure he’s auditioned for a few roles at his local high school. Even when it’s just English class and the teacher assigns the students into groups to act out a Shakespeare scene, Tuffnut gets... overdramatic and involved.

It’s not exactly a “hobby” but I’m sure that Ruffnut and Tuffnut spent many hours together enacting pranks at school.

If Tuffnut got involved in a sport, it’d be figure skating. He’d go for the figure skating; Ruffnut would go for the hockey.

Ruffnut

Like Astrid, I could also imagine Ruffnut as a rugby player. Ruffnut is fierce, downright fierce, at the sport. There’s no fear. There are times that Ruffnut gets irritated and jealous that her teammate Astrid receives a lot of the credit - Astrid is a bit more popular than Ruffnut - but Ruff’s coach is fully aware of how bold and dedicated a player the Thorston twin is.

When Ruffnut enters college, she finds herself participating in some extreme experiences. She’s gone bungee jumping and skydiving multiple times and has greatly enjoyed both experiences.