#there are so many hot dog tweets i had to leave some out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vgfm · 4 years

Text

Deltarune Theory: The True Identity and Importance of “Everyman”

I’ve been away from the Undertale theory scene for a long time. It’s been so long that a whole new-fangled game got announced, and I’ve got some theories on it.

Are these theories about Gaster or Sans or whatever’s going on with Kris? Not exactly. At least, not yet. I’ve got a better character in mind.

Let’s start with Everyman: Undertale’s most obscure character and (I think) one of the most pivotal in Deltarune.

This is a two-part theory: the first part outlines who Everyman is and why I think he’ll be important in Deltarune. The second part? You’ll have to read and find out.

This is a long one and with loads of images, so strap yourselves in.

Sections

Part 1: Introduction to Everyman

Who is Everyman?

“So Everyman’s just an Easter egg, right?”

Everyman’s Importance

Why did Everyman appear in True Lab?

Why Everyman will have a bigger role in Deltarune

Part 2: Everyman is ???

What will Everyman’s role be?

Jevil’s Connection to Everyman

The Spade King’s clue

Additional Evidence

“Seriously?”

The Gaster connection

The “Strange Son”

Who made who?

“Seriously, who is Everyman?”

End

Closing Summary

Final Conclusions

Who is Everyman?

"Everyman” is a special attack that appears during the Reaper Bird amalgamate fight in True Lab.

This same figure appears twice in Deltarune’s first chapter:

Once as graffiti in an alleyway in Hometown...

...and again as a rare bullet attack during Jevil’s fight.

The name “Everyman” only ever appears in-game next to his graffiti portrait in Hometown. Everyman’s sprites are simply titled “strangeman” in Undertale’s game files:

[Image transcript: UTModTool is showing multiple highlighted sprite entries that begin with “spr_strangeman”. On the right is the file “spr_strangeman_walk” opened, showing a picture of Everyman. End image transcript]

Some time after Undertale’s release there was a since-deleted tweet from Toby with a picture of Reaper Bird’s attack that he titled “Everyman,” which is where fans first got the name.

[Image transcript: A tweet from toby fox that says “Everyman”. The first reply says “Is that his name. please thell me thats his obj name.” Toby’s response repeats “Everyman.” The next reply says “everything i aspire to be.” Toby responds again with “’Everyman’ you aspire to be.” Toby then adds another tweet saying “Description. Just a good guy that shows up on occasion.” end image transcript.]

This is a web archive screenshot so the image of Everyman’s bullet sprite wasn’t preserved here. Special thanks to catcat for tracking this one down!

“So Everyman’s just an Easter egg, right?”

I don’t think so. I’d be more inclined to write off Everyman’s role in Deltarune as a mere cameo if he had only shown up once. But it’s odd that Toby felt the need to include Everyman twice in a single chapter. To me this seems less like a one-off cameo and more like foreshadowing for a greater role in the full game.

Let’s compare Everyman’s appearances to instances of character foreshadowing and one-off cameos from Undertale and Deltarune:

Mettaton

[Image transcript: four Undertale screenshots arranged in a grid. In the top-left screenshot, the narration text box reads “(the machine isn’t working.)” as Frisk stares at Mettaton in Snowdin’s colored tile puzzle room. In the top-right screenshot, the narration textbox is reading a TV announcement in Papyrus’ house: “(It says ‘STAY TUNED FOR A NEW PROGRAM - MTT.’)”. In the bottom-left screenshot, Napstablook’s text box says “there’s a show i like to watch on it... sometimes...” as Frisk looks at their television. In the bottom-right screenshot, Undyne’s text box says “This oven is some top-of-the-line MTT thing.” as Frisk stares at her oven. End image transcript.]

Mettaton is foreshadowed multiple times before he makes his proper introduction in Alphys’ Lab. This includes a direct on-screen appearance of his rectangular form as part of Snowdin’s colored tile puzzle. What’s interesting is that half of these references (including the tile puzzle) only make sense in hindsight to a first-time player. For all we know there could be other, more-cryptic Everyman references already in Deltarune that we don’t have the full context to understand yet.

Rouxls Kaard

Despite his legendary introductory sequence catching many-a-player off-guard, Rouxls Kaard actually is foreshadowed a couple of times before his stunning debut.

[Image transcript: four Deltarune screenshots arranged in a grid. In the top-left screenshot, Ralsei is reading a message from Rouxls Kaard: “It says... ‘Thoust fools, thou will NEVER figure it out now!’. This is continued in the top-right screenshot: “Then it, um, says, ‘PS - I make my own Rules. - RK’”. In the bottom-left screenshot, a puzzle-master says “ROUXLS KAARD... Lord of the Puzzles... Be careful...!” In the bottom-right screenshot, one of Clover’s heads says “RK came by... What a hunk!” End image transcript.]

I’ve noticed from watching Let’s Plays that many people don’t even realize that these lines were meant to foreshadow him (and I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize it either on my first playthrough).

Ice-E

Now here’s something that’s an example of both a one-off cameo and proper foreshadowing! In Undertale, Ice-E is referenced exactly once in the entire game—as part of Sans’ Monster Kidz Word Search puzzle. No other character mentions Ice-E, Ice-E does not appear in-person, nor does the Ice-E’s restaurant appear... in Undertale. Deltarune is a completely different story.

[image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. in the left screenshot, Kris looks under their sink and the narration text box says: “A can of Ice-E’s Cool Boys Body Spray ‘Spray For The Boys,’ Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor.” In the right screenshot, Kris reads a chart in the hospital. The narration text box says: “(It’s a classic 1-to-10 pain scale, using ICE-E as a model.)” End image transcript.]

In Deltarune chapter 1 we find numerous references and bits of foreshadowing for Ice-E and, lo and behold, we see that Ice-E’s restaurant exists in Hometown at the end of chapter 1. And notice how it’s multiple references and not just a one-off like last time.

In every example of foreshadowing listed above we’re given more than one hint of a character’s presence, and so far Everyman fits this same pattern. This makes me feel safe in assuming he will have a bigger role in the full game.

Everyman’s Importance

What’s interesting is that in Chapter 1, Everyman appears in both the light and dark worlds. So far Deltarune has kept the light and dark worlds largely separate from one another, with only Kris and Susie traveling between them (as far as we know).

Everyman’s presence in both worlds implies that either he can travel between both worlds as well, or at least that lightners and darkners are both familiar with him.

Based on what we know, I’d wager that Everyman is a lightner—specifically, a monster. I say this for two reasons: 1.) so far we’ve only seen lightners (Kris and Susie) travel between both worlds, and 2.) this would explain Everyman’s appearance as one of Reaper Bird’s attacks in Undertale’s True Lab.

Why did Everyman appear in the True Lab?

The worlds of Undertale and Deltarune are connected. Toby has all-but-confirmed this himself.

[Image transcript: A screenshot from the official Deltarune website’s question-and-answer page. The question says “So there’s no connections between the two games?”. The answer says “It’s a different world that might even have different rules. That doesn’t mean there will be no connections at all though.” End image transcript.]

One major connection between Undertale and Deltarune is their largely-shared cast of characters. Many major characters from Undertale make an appearance in Deltarune’s first chapter, and Toby has shown that at least some characters from Deltarune’s universe have counterparts in the Undertale universe as well.

The Undertale Alarm Clock App makes reference to Rudolph Holiday living in the Underground some time prior to the events of Undertale.

[Image transcript: A dialogue box where Asgore says “Rudy... loved the holidays, you know.” End image transcript.]

This dialogue also strongly implies that Undertale’s universe has a counterpart for Noelle.

[Image transcript: Another dialogue box from Asgore. He says: “With a warm slice of fruitcake on the table. His youngest daughter peeking shyly from around the corner...” End image transcript]

Depending on how one interprets the Clamgirl NPC’s dialogue, there may or may not be an Undertale version of Susie (aka “Suzy”) too.

[Image transcript: Two Undertale screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, Clamgirl tells Frisk: “Synchronicity...? My neighbor’s daughter looks about your age.” In the right screenshot her dialogue continues: “Her name is ‘Suzy.’ I feel like you two should be friends.” End image transcript.]

I’d argue that Everyman also had a “counterpart” in Undertale’s universe who lived as a monster in the Underground. Much like Rudy, the Underground’s Everyman likely grew old and eventually “fell down”. But unlike Rudy, Everyman was sent to the True Lab for the royal scientist’s soul experiments and became part of the Reaper Bird amalgamate.

This would fit with the pattern that we see with most other amalgamates, namely that they each seem to be made up of one named/noteworthy monster combined with several other generic monsters. The formula goes like this:

Lemon Bread = Shyra (Shyren’s Sister) + Aaron + Moldbygg

Endogeny = Muttler + various dog enemies

Snowdrake Mother = Crystal (Snowdrake’s Mom) + Vegetoids(?)

Reaper Bird = Everyman + Astigmatism + Whimsalot + Final Froggit

The Memoryheads seem to not “fit” with the other amalgamates, perhaps intentionally, so I’ll leave them out for now.

Long story short: Everyman was most likely a monster since he was part of an amalgamate and (as far as we know) amalgamates can only be made of monsters.

Why Everyman will have a bigger role in Deltarune

We see in Deltarune that three of the monsters who became amalgamates in Undertale have since passed away. This fits a trend I’ve noticed of Toby trying to “explain” the absence of characters who are prominent in one of his games but not the other.

The examples I cited above of Rudy, Noelle, and (possibly) Susie existing in Undertale’s universe also serve as “excuses” for where those characters were and why they were absent from the events of Undertale’s story. Rudy was dead and Noelle and “Suzy” were living with their families (presumably) in parts of the Underground where Frisk never ventured.

Shyra, Muttler, and Crystal are similarly “excused” from Deltarune’s story when the graveyard informs the player of their passing. Gerson is likewise excluded from Deltarune due to having passed away before the events of the game.

Conveniently, Everyman is not listed among the amalgamate monsters who have passed away in Hometown, and the alleyway graffiti implies he’s alive and well.

We know that Deltarune’s timeline and character ages don’t match up perfectly with Undertale’s—Deltarune Asriel is still alive and slightly older than Kris, who’s roughly the same age as DR Monster Kid. Conversely, Undertale Asriel died long before Frisk entered the Underground, yet Frisk is still seemingly in the same age bracket as UT Monster Kid (who’s barely younger than Asriel in Deltarune). Like Rudy, we can assume that Deltarune’s Everyman is younger than the Everyman who “fell down” in the Underground.

What will Everyman’s role be?

Remember when I said this was a two-part theory? Well, here’s the second half of my theory: Everyman is the Knight.

[Image transcript: A text box that says “Yes, you read that correctly.” End image transcript.]

Yes, the same Knight mentioned by Seam, Jevil, and the King of Spades. The same Knight who’s pulling new dark fountains out of the earth and who’s implied to be a major antagonist in the full game.

I could hedge my bets by saying Everyman is merely “connected” to the Knight, but if the Knight is a character we already know of then I think Everyman is the most likely candidate.

Let’s start with the name: Everyman’s sprites are titled “strangeman” in Undertale’s files. The very first mention we get of the Knight in Deltarune is Seam describing a “strange knight” who appeared, complete with red font for emphasis.

[Image transcript: Seam speaking inside of a shop, saying: “But, recently, a strange knight appeared... And three of the kings were locked away.” End image transcript.]

The word “strange” seems to be used selectively and very deliberately in Deltarune’s first chapter. Here’s a breakdown of all the times it’s used:

Seam referring to the knight

Seam referring to the Knight’s “strange son” (more on that later)

Telling Seam about Jevil (”Strange Prisoner”)

Seam referring to the “strange someone” that Jevil met

Seam mentioning the “strange words” Jevil said

Rouxls Kaard referring to Lancer (”a strange and irritating darling!”)

Narration before Kris seals the dark fountain (”You felt something strange.”)

Flavor text during the Jevil fight (”Kris gazed strangely”)

The Devilsknife/Jevilstail appearing in a “strange chest” outside of Jevil’s cell upon defeating him (this may be dummied out or only triggers if your inventory is full of weapons/armors and Jevil can’t give his item to you)

The description of the key to Jevil’s cell (”something feels strange about it”)

With the exception of the line from Rouxls Kaard, every instance of “strange” somehow connects to the Knight or Jevil. If the Knight is indeed the “strange someone” who Jevil met then the list tightens even further, to the point where all but one use of the word “strange” is associated with a single character and his handiwork—a very “strange man”, as it were. Speaking of Jevil...

Jevil’s connection to the Knight and Everyman

Jevil’s fight is one of two places where Everyman appears in Deltarune chapter 1. Not only that, but Everyman’s sprite only appears as a rare event during Jevil’s carousel attack, implying that his appearance is somehow significant.

Interestingly enough, the other two sprites that appear during this attack are one with a head that vaguely resembles Mysteryman (believed to be Gaster) and another with the head of a horse, a.k.a. the same as a knight piece on a chess board. It’s also worth pointing out that it’s rarer for the Everyman sprite to appear than it is for either of the other two sprites to appear.

We can also see the Everyman sprite represented in the official Chaos Revolving Keychain from Fangamer.

Jevil mentions the Knight once you defeat him, showing that he has knowledge of his existence.

[Image transcript: Jevil saying “THE HAND OF THE KNIGHT IS DRIFTING FORWARD.” End image transcript.]

This is interesting since Seam’s dialogue implies that Jevil was imprisoned well before the Knight overthrew the three kings at Card Castle. I can think of three possible explanations for this seeming timeline discrepancy:

Jevil is somehow intrinsically “aware” of things that go on outside of his cell

The Knight or someone else visited Jevil in jail to tell him about what happened with the three kings

The Knight is the same “strange someone” that Jevil met before he was locked up

The first explanation is the least likely, imo, due to Jevil asking who Kris, Ralsei, and Susie are when he first meets them.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, Jevil is talking to the fun gang and he says: “BUT LO, THREE VISITORS STANDING INSIDE?” This continues in the right screenshot, where Jevil says: “WHO ARE YOU FEW?” End image transcript.]

If Jevil was aware of the outside world then he’d surely know of the fun gang’s antics by that point.

The second explanation doesn’t seem very likely either. Seam is the only character who acknowledges Jevil’s existence and we never see Seam visit Card Castle, even after the Spade King has been overthrown.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, Jack Person tells the fun gang: “By the by, I asked Seam to come here, but...” Continuing onto the right screenshot, where Jack Person finishes by saying “There wasn’t any interest.” End image transcript.]

Jevil’s cell doesn’t seem to have any guards and it’s kept on its own floor, so that would rule out Jevil hearing about the knight from other prisoners.

If someone in the castle brings food to Jevil then he may have overheard it from them, but even that is speculative. Does Jevil even need to eat? He says his body “cannot be killed,” after all.

[Image transcript: Jevil saying “THIS BODY CANNOT BE KILLED!” End image transcript.]

And I’m not sure if the King of Spades would be so accommodating towards a dangerous prisoner.

That just leaves the third explanation, which seems the most likely to me. It’s also the tidiest explanation for how Jevil would be aware of both the Knight and Everyman—they’re the same person.

We can only speculate as to why the “strange someone” caused Jevil to run amok. If that strange someone was the Knight then I would assume that setting Jevil loose may have been his attempt to overthrow or destabilize Card Castle’s leadership. We know that the Knight eventually overthrew the three other kings himself, so that may have been his plan B after Jevil failed or he merely wished to remove Jevil as an obstacle. Either way, the Knight toppled the quadrumvirate and installed the Spade King as the protector of Card Castle’s dark fountain.

The Spade King’s clue

The Spade King is the closest ally of the Knight that we’ve seen so far. The exact nature of their relationship isn’t fully known, but the King’s words imply that he reveres and is loyal to the Knight.

[Image description: Four Deltarune screenshots arranged in a grid. In the top-left, the King of Spades says “By the Knight’s will, I shall shatter your heart to pieces!”. In the top-right, the King says “For the KNIGHT has appeared.” In the bottom-left, the King says “The KNIGHT that pulls the Fountains from the Earth.” In the bottom-right, the King says “My KNIGHT... I shall not fail you...” End image transcript.]

Both characters share an interest in maintaining the existence of dark fountains, given that the Knight has been said to create new fountains by pulling them up from the Earth.

Unlike Jevil, the Spade King’s attacks never make explicit reference to Everyman’s visage, but he does give a possible nod that many players have overlooked. When the Spade King is defeated, he makes a curious gesture by letting his cloak fly away like a butterfly.

While this may be a simple artistic flourish, I always found this moment to be odd and unfitting for a brutish character like the King. It’s also worth pointing out how the King’s cloak is clearly not a part of his body, unlike what’s implied with Lancer’s “clothes”.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, the battle narration says: “You tell Lancer you can’t tell the difference between his clothes and his body.” The narration continues in the right screenshot, saying “He seems flattered... His ATTACK POWER went down!” End transcript.]

What if the King didn’t always have that butterfly-shaped cloak? Did someone give it to him? Think of where else we’ve seen butterfly motifs before.

At first blush, this seems obvious—the Reaper Bird is clearly made from the Core mercenaries, including Whimsalot. Whimsalot attacks with butterfly bullets, so that’s where Reaper Bird got them from, right? Case closed. Well, not so fast.

It turns out there are two different sets of butterfly bullets in Undertale’s game files, and Reaper Bird’s are different from Whimsalot’s.

[Image transcript: Two groups of butterfly bullet sprites. The left group is labeled “Whimsun / Whimsalot.” The right group is labeled “Reaper Bird”. End image transcript.]

Notice how Reaper Bird’s butterflies are smaller and have pointier, more symmetrical wings? While those differences could be chalked up to limited pixel resolution, it’s interesting how Toby went out of his way to create an entirely unique set of butterfly bullets for Reaper Bird when it arguably would have made more sense for him to recycle the Whimsun butterflies like he did for Whimsalot.

If you want to compare the sprites for yourself I suggest either looking at the game files directly or looking at an actual playthrough of Undertale. I’ve noticed that Spriter’s Resource mistakenly has Reaper Bird’s butterflies listed under Whimsun’s sprite sheet (which is a completely understandable mix-up).

To drive the point home, notice the string names that are used for these butterflies:

[Image transcript: An UTModTool window showing multiple named strings. Highlighted in red are six strings that each contain “obj_strangeman_butterfly” in their names. End image transcript.]

They’re “strangeman” butterflies. Not “amalgamate” or “Reaper Bird” butterflies (despite Reaper Bird having its own share of dedicated strings and named sprites), and they’re not “Whimsalot” butterflies either. Toby clearly delineates them as belonging to strangeman, a.k.a. Everyman, meaning that Everyman is specifically associated with butterfly imagery. The Spade King also makes use of butterfly imagery immediately after he mentions the Knight in his final turn.

Between the King and Jevil, this makes two characters that can be linked to both Everyman and the Knight.

Additional Evidence

Let’s circle back to Reaper Bird for a second. It’s commonly known that this amalgamate is made from Astigmatism, Final Froggit, and Whimsalot. To wit:

These enemies are part of the mercenary group that Mettaton hires to attack you in the Core. Have you ever noticed how out-of-place they seem? Almost every other set of enemies in the game is somehow themed around their environment — Snowdin enemies are ice creatures, Hotland enemies are fire/lava-themed, etc. These mercenaries are themed around medieval warfare and yet they show up in the Core, the most high-tech area in the entire Underground.

What’s even stranger is that this medieval theme seems to come out of nowhere. Astigmatism, Final Froggit, and Whimsalot act as “upgraded” versions of Loox, Froggit, and Whimsun, respectively. And yet their Ruins counterparts don’t have any medieval theming whatsoever—it was added purely for the mercenaries. For whatever reason they’re all dressed like a bunch of wizards and... knights.

[Image transcript: Two Undertale screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, a Core NPC says “Why do I look like a black sausage and not a knight or a wizard?” This continues on the right, where it says “Well... Everyone has an angle they look best from.” End image transcript.]

That’s not my interpretation of their designs—the game outright calls them knights.

On the one hand, it’s true that Asgore’s royal guards also dress up like knights, but the Core mercenaries are explicitly not part of the royal guard—they’re mercenaries.

[Image transcript: Battle flavor text that states “Mercenaries emerge from the shadows.” End image transcript.]

Assuming that Asgore has a dress code for his guards or is just old-fashioned in his sensibilities, there’s still no reason why fighters outside of the guard should follow their standard. Even some of the royal sentries don’t follow this theming, as seen with Doggo and Sans (who’s technically a sentry):

With the abundance of knight-themed royal guard and sentry enemies that exist already, Toby could’ve easily designed the Core Mercenaries to more accurately fit with the Core’s futuristic theme. Doesn’t it seem a little too coincidental that Everyman would wind up as part of the same amalgamate as these otherwise out-of-place knights?

When we look at the other amalgamates, we can see that Lemon Bread (a.k.a. Shyren’s sister) is made up of Waterfall enemies. Endogeny is made up entirely of dog-based enemies. These two amalgamates each have a “theme” for their component monsters that fits the “main” named monster they’re each made of, and Reaper Bird has a clear theme of its own. Why would Everyman be paired with a bunch of knights if he was not connected to them in some way?

Even the Undertale artbook groups Everyman’s concept art with the Core Mercenaries, specifically the ones that look the most like knights and wizards in-game. The book also repeats the name “Everyman” and Toby’s cryptic phrase of “Just a good guy who shows up on occasion.”

Perhaps Everyman knew the Core mercenaries when he was alive? Were they his fellow knights? Or did they work for him before he fell down and they had to then lend their services elsewhere?

“The Knight? Seriously?”

Some of you may be shaking your heads dismissively at the idea of Everyman being the Knight (or you more likely clicked over to another tab by now). I mean, just look at the guy:

What part of this design makes you think “knight”, let alone THE Knight? Well, Seam does refer to the Knight as a “strange” knight, and Everyman certainly fits that bill. But more importantly, we haven’t seen an actual overworld sprite for Everyman yet—we’ve only seen some graffiti and a couple of magic bullet attacks, which are always abstract and simplified.

Not pictured: Froggit, Migosp, Temmie, Moldbygg, Tsunderplane, Mettaton, or Endogeny.

Everyman’s “proper” design would almost certainly differ from his Pillsbury Doughboy-esque bullet sprite, especially if he’s wearing a cloak or a suit of armor. And even if his design doesn’t differ that much, so what? It’s not like this series has ever had an opponent that looks goofy or non-threatening, right?

Another little tidbit I noticed: one of Reaper Bird’s attacks consists of Everyman repeatedly removing his own head.

Or maybe it’s not his head? Perhaps it’s a helmet? Like one that a knight would wear? After all, it’s not unheard of for helmets to have beak-like protrusions.

And this is a series where helmets can come in any shape or size to better fit the needs of the wearer.

Just some food for thought.

The Gaster connection

It’s time to address the elephant in the room: “Isn’t Gaster supposed to be the Knight?” If you haven’t heard by now, this is one of the prevailing theories in the fandom. To be honest, if the Knight ends up not being Everyman then Gaster is the next-best candidate, imo, but these two theories don’t have to be mutually-exclusive. I think a case can be made that Everyman and Gaster are connected in some way.

Let me say up front that this section is highly speculative (unlike the previous sections, which clearly aren’t the least bit speculative). We’re dealing with two super-obscure characters who’ve yet to make a proper on-screen appearance in either game. It’s already hard enough to figure out how either of them connect to the broader Undertale universe, let alone to each other, but I’ll give it a shot.

For starters, we can affirm that both Gaster and Everyman are linked to the True Lab. There’s no shortage of fan theories and speculation on Gaster’s prior usage of the True Lab in his own experiments and I won’t get into all that here, but suffice it to say the True Lab has Gaster’s name written all over it.

(Am I the only one who thinks the DT Extractor looks more like Everyman’s head than it does a Gaster Blaster? Forget I said anything.)

We’ve covered how Everyman appears as one of Reaper Bird’s attacks. Interestingly, the amalgamate Memoryhead has an attack that resembles the head of Mysteryman, the figure believed to be Gaster (which I’ll assume here for simplicity’s sake).

If we follow the logic of my prior “Everyman is the named/important monster that makes up Reaper Bird, fitting the pattern of other amalgamates” argument, then Gaster (or pieces of him) could fill the same role for the Memoryheads.

Everyman and Gaster’s sprites both have the suffix of “man” in Undertale’s game files. Here are all the sprites that use this same naming scheme:

strangeman - Everyman

mysteryman - “Gaster”

snowman - gives you the snowman piece

riverman - a.k.a. River Person

darkman - the shadowy overworld sprites used for the Core Mercenaries

watchingman - The spoon-shaped amalgamate that tucks Frisk into bed

The snowman’s inclusion is a bit of a fluke, because what else would you call a snowman without using “man” in the name? If we exclude the snowman, each instance of “man” represents a mysterious figure that ties back to Everyman and/or Gaster.

We’ve already covered the connection between Everyman and the Core Mercenaries, and it’s easy to connect the “watchingman” amalgamate with the True Lab. River Person is also frequently linked to Gaster in fan theories (and they allude to “the man from the other world” and “the man who speaks in hands”), so what we’re left with is a close-knit community of strange, mysterious "man”s.

This naming scheme looks very intentional on Toby’s part, and he seems to be continuing it in Deltarune by referring to the secret unseen NPC who gives you the egg behind the tree in Scarlet Forest as simply “a man.”

[Image transcript: Narration from the secret egg room. The text box states: “(Well, there is a man here.)” End image transcript]

The Knight’s “Strange Son”?

Remember when I said I’d get back to the Knight’s “strange son”? That’s now. I’m a little iffy on this topic because it involves stacking a whole ton of assumptions onto a single line of dialogue that’s phrased in an ambiguous way. But, if it means what I think it means, it could shed a ton of light on Everyman’s possible connection to Gaster and whether either of them are the Knight.

When you ask Seam about the “Kingdom”, Seam says this:

[Image transcript: Three of Seam’s text boxes arranged vertically. In order, they read: “Historically, this land was ruled by the Four Kings, from CARD CASTLE to the East. But, recently, a strange knight appeared... And three of the kings were locked away. The remaining king put him and his strange son into power.” End image transcript]

Let’s focus on that last sentence. On my first playthrough I misread this line as “the knight put the king and his strange son into power” because that sounds a lot closer to the events that happened—the Spade King and his “strange son” Lancer are in power now because the three kings were locked away, presumably by the Knight.

But the actual text states the opposite—the remaining king (Spade King) put him (the Knight) and his strange son (i.e., the Knight’s son) into power. Or does it? The line could also read as—the remaining king (Spade King) put him (the Knight) and his (the King’s) strange son (Lancer) into power. The second way is awkwardly-structured but technically valid. And this is assuming that Toby didn’t make any grammatical errors when he typed these lines, which he has done on occasion.

[Image transcript: A dialogue box where Dr. Alphys says “I felt so guilty knowing I hadn’t do anything to stop you.” End image transcript.]

Not to be too hard on Toby, but even if Seam’s line is grammatically correct it’s still clunky and murky in its conception—at this point in the game we’ve only just been introduced to Lancer and the fact that his dad is the King, and now this line is potentially introducing yet another father/son duo that is closely connected with Lancer’s dad—is it any wonder that this line is often glossed over by fans?

The second reading, where Lancer is the “strange son,” is also awkward because the Spade King would have little need to put Lancer “into power”. Lancer was already a prince and, presumably, already wielded power in that role. Various NPCs make reference to Lancer bossing them around, and such a thing could’ve easily happened before the three kings were deposed.

If we take Seam’s line with the first reading (where the Knight has a “strange son”) and assume there were no grammatical errors, then this is the only time in chapter 1 that the Knight is ever referred to as having a son. It’s also the only time that the Knight is addressed with pronouns, implying that the Knight is male. If true, this would rule out the theory that Kris (or any potential alter ego that Kris has) is the knight, since Kris is neither male nor do they have a son. This would also rule out Susie, who’s never been a popular contender for being the Knight but is referred to as a “dark knight” on her stats page.

Who made who?

So then, who’s male, widely believed to be the Knight, and is often depicted as having one or more sons?

This (alleged) guy!

“But wait,” you might ask, “isn’t your theory that Everyman is the Knight?” Well, the Knight and his “strange son” seem to be working as a duo in the scenario that Seam outlines, given that the Spade King put both of them “into power.”

Because of Everyman’s connections to the Knight that I’ve laid out, plus the more popular theory that Gaster is the Knight, it’s possible that one may be the Knight and the other may be the Knight’s “strange son.” The way I see it, it doesn’t make a huge difference which one is which.

Now, I don’t think that Gaster and Everyman would be father and son in the strict biological sense. There are a number of reasons for this, but for starters I’m not even sure if Everyman and Gaster are the same species. My inclination is that Everyman is a monster, while Gaster may be a darkner. The latter is mostly my own guess and springboards off of a popular theory that Sans is a darkner, but it’s a whole other can of worms that I won’t get into now.

More importantly, Gaster is strongly implied to have some sort of connection to Sans and Papyrus. All three of them are also connected with special fonts that they each use. As far as I can tell, there’s no widely-used font by the name of “Everyman”, so this would imply that Everyman is not a skeleton and therefore not biologically related to them. However, there’s more than one way to start a family.

Gaster was the royal scientist in Undertale’s universe and it’s not out of the realm of possibility that he (or his potential Deltarune counterpart) could find the means to create life forms artificially.

[Image transcript: The vessel creation scene from Deltarune. The on-screen text says “YOU HAVE CREATED A WONDERFUL FORM.” End image transcript.]

Everyman could be a creation of Gaster’s and thus he’d be Gaster’s “son”.

There’s also another possibility: Everyman is Gaster’s creator. We know that the Knight is pulling new dark fountains out of the Earth. I think the Knight, regardless of who they are, must be able to survive without a dark fountain to give their body form, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to venture into areas where new fountains have yet to be pulled up. The Knight is almost certainly a lightner, and I’ve already detailed why I think Everyman is a lightner as well.

We don’t fully understand how dark fountains interact with darkners, but it’s stated multiple times that dark fountains “give form” to the Dark World.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, Ralsei’s narration says “Today the FOUNTAIN OF DARKNESS-” and continues into the right screenshot, saying: “The geyser that gives this land form-” End image transcript.]

In the dummied-out manual pages, Ralsei also mentions how his dark fountain gives his body form.

[Image transcript: Ralsei’s manual excerpt, whic says “Dedicated to The unending pillar of darkness that gives my body form.” End image transcript]

Darkners need dark fountains in order to maintain their forms. They may not even be able to survive at all without them. From this point of view, when the Knight creates new dark fountains he’s bringing new darkners to life. If Gaster is a darkner himself, then it’s not unthinkable to imagine that Everyman may have brought him to life in this way and could thus be called his “father”. Seam does refer to lightners as the “creators” of darkners, after all.

[Image transcript: Seam’s dialogue box saying “They were like Gods to us. Our protectors. Our creators. Those who gave us purpose...” End image transcript.]

Ultimately the question of who’s the father and who’s the son is purely speculative. We don’t even know for sure if the Knight has a son, let alone whether it’s Everyman, Gaster, or someone else entirely. It’s very much a “the chicken or the egg?” kind of question.

[Image transcript: Two images. The right is a screenshot of the egg room with narration stating “(You received an Egg)”. End image transcript.]

Hmm...

“Seriously, who is Everyman?”

Let’s bring this home with the question we started with: Who is Everyman? I’ve gone into evidence that he existed as an actual person in Undertale and will likely play a role in Deltarune, but this doesn’t tell us much about the kind of character he is. We don’t even know if “Everyman” is his real name.

If Everyman is indeed a prominent character in Deltarune then there are two possibilities: 1.) he’s a brand new character we’ve never met before, or 2.) he’s someone that we have met before. The first option, while a strong possibility, doesn’t leave us with much to talk about, so let’s look at the second.

Right out the gate I can confidently say that Everyman is not a character that we talked to or had significant interaction with in Undertale. The obvious reason is that he was busy being stuck inside Reaper Bird and he couldn’t have been in two places at once (as far as we know). This means that Everyman would have to be a character introduced in Deltarune chapter 1.

I’ve said before that I believe Everyman is a lightner, so this would rule out any dark world characters. That leaves us with the residents of Hometown who didn’t have direct counterparts in Undertale’s story.

After careful consideration I’ve narrowed the field to two suspects:

Father Alvin

Father Alvin has always struck me as an oddity. He seems like an important member of Hometown’s community, and yet none of the other residents ever talk about him. He’s also conspicuously absent from Undertale’s universe.

The most notable thing about Father Alvin is that his church seems to worship “the Angel”.

[Image transcript: Father Alvin saying “Let the Angel’s power light your way.” End image transcript.]

Ralsei’s prophecy states that the three heroes must seal the dark fountains in order to banish the “Angel’s Heaven.”

[Image transcript: Two Deltaunre screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, Ralsei’s narration says “Only they can seal the fountains.” The right screenshot continues, saying: “And banish the ANGEL’S HEAVEN.” End image transcript.]

This would put the heroes at odds with both the Knight (who’s creating fountains) and whoever is serving this Angel. We can only speculate on the Knight’s motives, but what if he’s acting in service to the Angel?

Something that isn’t brought up much in the fandom is the religious reverence that darkners give to their fountains. The King of Spades refers to the fountains that the Knight creates as “holy” fountains.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, the King of Spades says “Holy Fountains, whose shadows are creating a new world...” The right screenshot continues, saying “OUR world.” End image transcript.]

The soundtrack that plays at the Fountain is called “The Holy.” Dark fountains can seemingly create life, so it’s easy to imagine the Knight viewing his own mission as some sort of holy rite.

As far as evidence goes for Alvin being Everyman/the Knight, the biggest clue is the drawing signed by Alvin that shows up in the supply closet at the end of chapter 1.

Every other object in the closet represents a part of the dark world that Kris and Susie visited, and yet at no point do they encounter a dark world manifestation of this drawing. We know that the Knight visited Card Castle previously, so this drawing could be meant to represent the Knight’s presence in that part of the dark world.

It’s also worth noting how most of the closet’s toys are arranged from left to right in the order that Kris and Susie encountered them on their journey. Alvin’s drawing is on the far right, just past the open cabinet drawer (i.e., Card Castle), implying that Alvin’s drawing was either at the fountain or that it was effectively the “next” thing that Kris and Susie would’ve encountered if they had stayed.

It’s hard to make out what the drawing could be beyond being a “poorly-drawn picture of a green turtle”, as the flavor text explains. Could it be Everyman? Or is it just a reference to Bold and Brash? Both? Neither? The world may never know. Or it may know when the full game comes out.

Can I also add how strange it is that Alvin’s drawing is in the closet to begin with? Alvin looks to be a pretty old dude, so why would his drawing still be in a school that he no longer attends? I don’t have an answer, I just think it’s weird.

Other clues that could point to Alvin being Everyman are that he is, scientifically speaking, old-looking, which would line up with my hypothesis of Undertale’s Everyman being an older monster who fell down before becoming Reaper Bird.

Alvin also vaguely resembles Everyman as far as their proportions are concerned.

It’s by no means a perfect match, especially if we factor in Alvin’s shell, but both characters possess a round head with some sort of beak or proboscis.

If Everyman actually is Father Alvin, then the title “Everyman” could be a reference to The Summoning of Everyman, a 15th-century religious morality play. I won’t get into the specifics here, but the play focuses on a character named Everyman who must prepare for his inevitable death and judgment for his deeds in life. I don’t really know how much that would tie into Deltarune’s themes or if it’s even a deliberate reference to begin with, so make of it what you will.

Father Alvin was the first character that I suspected of being Everyman when I started writing this theory, but there’s one major sticking point that prevents me from fully embracing the idea: the fact that he lacks a character portrait for his dialogue boxes.

This may seem like a minor nitpick, but dialogue portraits indicate when a character is important to the story, and it would be a pretty big oversight on Toby’s part if a (presumably) recurring antagonist wasn’t given a portrait. Even a three-scene wonder like Rouxls Kaard was given a portrait.

It’s true that recurring characters like Napstablook and Monster Kid weren’t given portraits in Undertale...

But Deltarune has greatly expanded the number of characters with portraits this time around, and we can already infer that Noelle (who had a portrait in chapter 1) will be an important character going forward:

Given Alvin’s limited dialogue in chapter 1 and his lack of a portrait, I’m more inclined to believe that he’ll end up being a minor character, in which case he’d almost certainly not be the Knight (and therefore not Everyman). But who knows, maybe Toby will give him a portrait in the full game.

Thankfully, we have another candidate who might be Everyman:

The Ice-E’s Employees

You think I’m joking? Trust me, you’ll know when I’m joking.

I didn’t initially make the connection between Ice-E’s and Everyman until I saw a post from @curioscurio that pointed me in that direction.

Let’s go back to the Everyman graffiti that appears in Hometown.

Notice how the drawing right next to it resembles Ice-E’s head? I can’t believe this was staring me in the face the whole time and I never realized the connection.

Another point in favor of the Ice-E’s workers is that we don’t even know what two of them look like. We know that Burgerpants is one, and another is implied to be the Nice Cream Bunny that we met in Undertale.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, the Ice-E’s employee says “Psst, can I tell you a mascot secret? I only started working here because...” The right screenshot continues, saying “The logo made me think it was an ice-cream shop...” End image transcript.]

But this still leaves the “purple guy” and “The Warrior”, who remain in full costume for chapter 1, meaning that one of them could resemble Everyman underneath their mask.

Speaking of The Warrior, he certainly fits the bill as being “strange.” His title wouldn’t be out of place among the likes of The Knight, and his dialogue refers to the hospital’s medical staff as “white wizards”, which fits with the medieval theming that’s associated with Everyman’s mercenary cohorts in Undertale.

[Image transcript: Two Deltarune screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, the Warrior says “This castle’s WHITE WIZARDs relegated me to this HEALING CHAMBER...” The right screenshot continues, saying “But my BLOOD is BOILING FOR BATTLE!!!” End image transcript.]

Speaking of the Core Mercenaries, here’s an interesting tidbit:

[Image transcript: Two Undertale screenshots side-by-side. In the left screenshot, a Core NPC says “As a youth, I would sneak out to play by this creepy flaming pit.” The right screenshot continues, saying “Since the CORE is always re-arranging, it was like a game trying to find it.” End image transcript.]

I used to assume that the Core Mercenaries were older monsters who fought in the human-monster war, which would explain their insistence on dressing up as old-timey knights and wizards. However, these lines of dialogue imply that the Mercenaries are far younger—young enough to visit the Core when they were kids.

So why would a bunch of younger monsters dress up like old-school knights and wizards? Simple: they’re LARPers. This would explain why their more casual overworld dialogue doesn’t match their overly-serious battle dialogue whatsoever—the battle is over and, thus, so is the act.

What does this have to do with Ice-E’s? Simple. The Warrior is also a LARPer. But he takes it a step further and never lets the act slip. According to Burgerpants, he terrorizes customers with war chants during his day job, and we see him keeping up the act while he’s injured in the hospital. It’s clear that he’s living in a fantasy world, and someone like that would have every reason to spend time in a strange dark world that “seems like” fantasy.

[Image transcript: Lyrics from Deltarune’s credits theme. It says: “And the places that you know seem like fantasy”. End image transcript.]

Someone like him could grow attached to such a place and want to see it spread as far and wide as possible, with no regard for how it would affect the boring “real world”. All he’d need to do is create new dark fountains to sustain this fantasy world.

I also find it interesting that The Warrior is in the hospital during chapter 1. Burgerpants claims that this is the result of “pizza-related injuries.”

[Image transcript: Two dialogue boxes from Burgerpants. Read from top to bottom, it says “The Warrior - Thankfully absent due to pizza-related injuries. Constantly terrorizing customers with war chants.” End image transcript.]

But what if there was another reason? We can see signs of “some kind of struggle” in the King of Spade’s throne room, complete with tattered wall banners.

[Image transcript: Narration in the Spade King’s throne room. The text box says “(Wall banners. They seem to have been through some kind of struggle...)” End image transcript.]

What if the Knight sustained injuries when he overthrew the three kings and had to go to the hospital afterwards? A “struggle” implies that there was some resistance involved.

Another interesting coincidence is that the previews for Deltarune Chapter 2 strongly imply that it will take place in a dark world that forms in the hospital.

Earlier previews have also implied that Noelle will have a larger role in Chapter 2, and she’d have every reason to be in the hospital visiting her father when things hit the fan.

It feels awfully convenient that a new dark world springs up right in the spot where the Warrior is. I wouldn’t be surprised if chapter 2 gives us our first glimpse of the Knight in person, and what better way than a surprise run-in with the Warrior?

Some of you may be asking why I’d suggest a minor character like The Warrior might be the Knight when he has a single line of dialogue and no dialogue portrait? Simple: characters tend not to have portraits when their face is hidden from view. We see this with Undyne in Undertale:

She doesn’t gain a dialogue portrait until after she removes her helmet. This is also true of Burgerpants in Deltarune.

So, unlike Father Alvin, The Warrior has an excuse for not having a dialogue portrait yet. While Father Alvin has some compelling evidence supporting him being the Knight/Everyman, The Warrior has no major counter-argument that I can think of (unlike Father “no portrait” Alvin), so I give The Warrior the edge as far as Everyman suspects go.

I’d also like point out that if Gaster ends up not being the Knight or the Knight’s “Strange Son,” then we could get a two-for-one deal of Father Alvin as the Knight and The Warrior as his strange son. Definitely not the most likely outcome, but technically possible! I’d imagine those two would have a hilariously awkward dynamic if they were related.

Closing Summary

Wow, this post went on for a while! Let’s summarize what we’ve learned today.

Everyman (in Undertale)

Was likely a monster who “fell down”

Became part of the Reaper Bird Amalgamate

Likely knew the Core Mercenaries

Is connected to butterfly imagery

Described as “strange”

May or may not have looked like his bullet sprite

May or may not have been connected to “mysteryman”/Gaster

May or may not have been connected to the River Person

Everyman (in Deltarune)

Is alive and active

Is known to both lightners and darkners

Can most likely travel between the light and dark worlds

Is known of by Jevil

May or may not resemble his Undertale bullet sprite

May or may not be connected to “mysteryman”/Gaster

May or may not be Father Alvin

May or may not be an Ice-E’s employee

May or may not be the Knight or the Knight’s “strange son”

The Knight

Described as “strange”

Is pulling up new dark fountains from the Earth

Has been to the dark world

Is possibly a lightner/monster

Is connected to the Spade King, who uses butterfly imagery

Overthrew the other three kings at Card Castle

Is known of by Jevil and Seam

May or may not be Everyman

May or may not be “mysteryman”/Gaster

May or may not be the “strange someone” who changed Jevil

Likely male

Likely has a “strange son”

Everyman and the Knight (similarities)

Both are likely monsters

Both are alive and active in Deltarune’s world

Both are (presumably) male

Both have a presence in the dark world

Both are known by Jevil and may have met him previously

Both are associated with butterfly imagery to some degree

Both are connected to knight imagery

Both are described as “strange”

Both may be connected to “mysteryman”/Gaster

Both are foreshadowed in Deltarune chapter 1

Final Conclusions

So what do I really think? I’m reminded of Undertale’s original Kickstarter demo and how much of the full game’s story was left out of it. Right now we’re in a similar situation with Deltarune. I can’t view any of my theories with certainty because at the end of the day I have no idea what Toby’s going to write for the full game, but I can guess.

If I had to put a number to it, I’d say the odds of Everyman making further appearances in Deltarune is 95% and the odds of him being the Knight is about 66%. There’s always the possibility that Gaster will usurp the title of Knight and leave Everyman as the Knight’s “strange son” or as the far less illustrious role of “no one particularly important”.

If Everyman is in the game, I’d give 50/50 odds that he’s one of the Ice-E’s employees, mainly due to the Warrior’s situation lining up well with Chapter 2′s (likely) setting. I’d then give a 25% chance it’s Father Alvin and the remaining 25% as “anyone else”.

Thanks for reading all of this (or skipping to the end). I’ve seen hardly anyone talk about our favorite strange little man and I just wanted to get the word about him out there. Even if you don’t agree with my conclusions, I’m happy to (hopefully) ignite further discussion over this often-overlooked character.

For now I’ve said all that I can say on the topic. All we can do is wait and see what happens. Fingers crossed.

Special thanks to @curioscurio for inspiring me to make this post in the first place.

Date published: December 10th, 2020

#deltarune #undertale #everyman #undertale theory #gaster

927 notes · View notes

1ddiscourseoftheday · 3 years

Text

Wed 26 May 21

Hiiii I’m a lil dummy and I miss stuff sometimes oops so anyway here’s what I missed yesterday-- full audio of Zayn singing the song Leave Before You Love Me (released just a few days ago by the Jonas Brothers) was leaked by Zayn’s cousin! Seems that Z probably demo-ed the song back when it was being shopped around but it ended up going to JB- which would be our loss except heyyyy we get to hear Zayn’s version now anyway! It’s on youtube and it is GORGEOUS, check it out, and anyhow that explains the seemingly random promo tweet from Zayn yesterday- I should have KNOWN to look further, sigh, if Zayn is online there’s ALWAYS a reason. Side note, this is the other song (besides Our Song) that Plested wrote on that was released the same day that Niall was teasing him about the other day, as he is promoting both singles at the same time (and how they’re both smashing it.) Also Niall liked a post of Joe Jonas’ about the song yesterday. Basically: this song is ALL UP IN the updates!

And speaking of Niall and his promo- he continues to insist his pronunciation of Niall and Nile aren’t the same, “they’re absolutely not” he says and clarifies: “Nile and Ni-Al.” Ummm... As someone to whom his demonstration sounds literally indistinguishable I have to say I’m enjoying the show (and thank you Anne Marie, who said “THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME” for proving that not being able to hear it is not just an American thing). “Listen to me” insists Niall, and also insisted he has “handsome hunk energy” (not ‘big baby energy’ thank you very much)- and in case you don’t believe it he pulled down his shirt to show off his chest hair in an interview, COULD A BIG BABY DO THAT? About NH3 Niall says “this year, next year, no idea.” He and Anne Marie tell us about a deadbeat employee who was cut from the video-- “It’s not in the video but we paid this dog to speak, like ‘woof’ obviously, when he’s been told to speak... and he didn’t speak when we told him to,” Niall admits he’s a fangirl for The Eagles, and Anne Marie makes him turn bright red by calling him out for looking at himself in the mirror; Niall’s collab promo strategy is hilariously identical every time but damn it, it IS fun and cute and effective, so hey carry on! “That promo with Niall I was quite hyper. I’d had a sip of coffee by accident, I thought it was hot chocolate and it switched up my ADHD like woah,” Anne Marie says to explain herself, no excuses whatsoever are needed but lol. Tickets are on sale now for Niall’s (management company’s) golf tournament.

Harry’s photographer Helene Pabrum was interviewed in a new podcast- she answered lots of Harry questions and shared some lovely unseen pictures, from behind the scenes of HSLOT, music video shoots (as recent as TPWK even), and more. She tells us about what she thought when she first started out with him, “I was a little bit obsessed with the faces of all the fans in front of the stage. They were all at the same time crying and happy and so emotional and I was like wow so for me it was as interesting as the show itself,” and how the pictures they posted during tour were chosen-- “On tour when he wanted to post a picture to instagram I didn’t know if he wanted to post a live, or backstage or audience anything else one. So I would just sent a lot of pictures like take all of this, do what you want and he would post one… he is the one choosing the pictures, he’s the one deciding on them. He’s the one doing it and he’s very good at this. He decides…” and “if he doesn’t want to publish the picture he doesn’t do. It’s as simple as this.” (Meaning, I’d guess, that she was aware of the stupid discourse about how Harry probably doesn’t like her photos- uh huh yeah you can tell about how he has continued to hire her over and over for years- because he doesn’t look “good” in them, but at least we can finally put that to rest now right?? Fans: I don’t like Harry anymore because he doesn’t share enough personal stuff. Also fans: ugh why would he post pictures of himself looking human and accessible I hate this get it away, someone other than him is probably to blame! But she also says “I really feel happy and grateful that I receive so many really truly kind comments and kind messages” so that’s good.) Anyway, she also said her favorites are the candid ones, and “when you see a picture of him with just a t-shirt brushing his teeth it’s just great so for me, I was happy with his beautiful outfit and being simple.” She says he didn’t have much interest in picking up any French from her (or Camille I guess hmmm), “maybe he prefers speaking Italian,” and “I was really surprised to see him dancing. I was surprised in a good way, he’s young so he’s good at learning things really quickly.” (She’s only a few years older than him but he’s just got that Big Baby Energy, WBK!)

Meanwhile, Kill My Mind is soaring up the itunes charts worldwide and Walls got a boost as well as the fanbase got ProjectKMM underway, and two more Australia Louis shows were added ×͜×

#zayn #niall horan #harry styles #louis tomlinson #some people think Marshmello (whose song LBYLM is) might have chosen JB over Zayn b/c Z doesn’t really do promo #which is it just me or does that cast the To Begin Again promo tweet as his version leaked in a much funnier/ snarkier light if it’s true #tho really I think he was just online looking at the leak hubbub and was like oh hey. I sang on that. cool.#listen if you are up on things that I’m not I very much invite people to bring me news!#Zayn news especially it is frankly impossible to find Z blogs I can stand to follow on here #if you know or have a blog that shares up to date Z gossip and news without also hating on any of OT4 or cooing about Elounor and Freddie #I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IT but I don’t think any such blog exists alas. Twitter perhaps? I would not know #what I really need to do is just remember that if zayn tweets-- go like for the discourse some drama is happening #without fail #plested #projectKMM #anne marie #helene pabrum #long post #kinda? idk #26 may 21

154 notes · View notes

straighttohellbuddy · 3 years

Note

📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

#shut ur pretty mouth #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #your local homosexual with no chill #htlgi

39 notes · View notes

letsperaltiago · 4 years

Text

ok time to break my silence caused by the fact that i spent all day making this lol too many feels

so.. palm springs thoughts !! and there are manyyyy so buckle up and feeel free to hit me up with either matching or contradicting thoughts or whateveer!! i would LOVE to nerd out about this movie with someone:’)

here comes thoughts and pictures!!

we basically start off with a mr. samberg sex-scene okAYYYYY the mood is set. we love the view

nyles aka. mr. samberg is the most gorgeous man alive and it was a true pleasure to admire him for 90 minutes straight

CURLS!!????! THEY ARE UNREAL. i shall dedicate an entire post to them

Cristin Milioti is perfect for her role. her acting? *chef’s kiss* I love that she’s not the stereotypical female rom-com lead.

Her chemistry with Andy? Gosh.. Can’t believe Nyles x Sarah is my new main movie-ship!! They play off of each other SO. WELL. Their characters are equally stone cold and bitter, but then again not really, and they both portray it so well!!

“You don’t ned a leg up.” *moans* “Hold my leg up!” i SCREAMED

“Don’t you kiss me.” “Don’t you tell me what to do.” hoW DARE THEY!

Ok ur basically on love already stop it

The fact that they were just gonna fuck on a blanket on top OF ROCKS?!

but then again in this movie’s already insane universe it’s prob pretty normal:)

The overall dark, existential humor?? This is what I live and breathe for on a daily basis. Basiaclly both main characters are a BIG MOOD

Nyles not giving a shit vs. Sarah severely freaking out in the beginning is an iconic dynamic

“I am the antichrist” and then the rock falling? For a hot sec I literally thought the movie was gonna take a turn with Nyles being some magical/scientific creature that’d created the timeloop or something idkkk ahhha

Nyles in the suit... ridiculous(ly hot)

The torture methods Roy uses on Nyles and the fact that he’s not mentally scarred?? How??

On that note I love that Nyles and Sarah keep their memories even if the day starts over. Would’ve been a completely different concept if they had to “meet each other for the first time” every day and it wouldn’t’ve allowed their relationship arc to evolve as it did

Darla is the fucking shit

Nyles in the baseball cap, amirite?

THE BARTENDER TALKING ABOUT HITTING A GUY WITH THE CAR SHE’S CURRENTLY GIVING NYLES A HANDJOB IN IS COMEDIC GOLD

“You fucked Jerry Schlieffen?” “Well he fucked me.” Yes SIR. Andy Samberg’s characters are all bottoms and we’re here for it

Sarah’s tongue click and “nice try” when Nyles asks her about her sex life??

IDK WHY BUT SO GOD

Randy is hella annoying. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

THIS ENTIRE SCENE:

the fact that they both start waking up smiling because now at least they have each other 🥺😭🤯

uhm i love a good ship that’s like... best friends to lovers and the montage of them basically becoming besties killed me

this outfit Y E S:

sarah falling off the car and nyles laughing it off is relationship goals

the crashing plane I LOL’ED

okay so... big moment... the DANCING AND MATCHING OUTFITS? THEY ARE MY DREAM TEAM. Also how excited they are running away from the bar 🥺

IM POSITIVE THIS IS THE MOMENT NYLES KNOWS! LIKE HE DOESN’T ADMIT IT TO HIMSELF COMPLETELY BUT HE KNOWS

the bomb in the cake and french pirate-skit? so fucking random but i lovee it because it’s so them

*DRUM ROLL* PERHAPS MY FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE:

STORYLINE WISE AND VISUALLY A++++

the deep talks by the fire were SO well written. they were actually deep and genuine, allowing the characters to grow and opening up to us as viewers but also remained fun and witty

sarah trying to get nyles to admit he cares for her and him joking it off??? the flirtinggg

really wish we’d gotten to know more about what nyles meant with “it drifts away: just like they all do.” because it really seemed to trigger something within him. Like WHO “They”???

the dinosaurs lmao no comment but at least they got a cute cuddly moment

from the very first millisecond inside the tent you can CLEARLY tell Sarah is just dying to do something about them!!!

the disbelief on nyles’ face when sarah says “lets just get it over with” because she’d clearly stated he didn’t want to and even though he obviously did he’s respected it and not done anything further about it oh babey

we love some good making out:’)))

NYLES HALTING TO TAKE IN THE MOMENT EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SCREAM INTO THE VOID

i will die for a post-sexy timez cuddle and how sarah is trying to staying awake to be besides him is just *explosion*

this has to be *the moment* she realises

and they’re both sooooo fucking happy when they wake up after damn love me like that pls

THE GROOM BOOO FUCK OFF CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER HIS NAME CHEATING SCUM

THIS FACE:

Baby is trying so hard and is so cute and nervous about it. SARAH LISTEN TO HIM HE LOVES YOU.

HE FELT GOOD WAKING UP BECAUSE OF YOUUUU, GIRL. DO NOT CALL IT “FUN”, SARAH

“Going to bed maybe just got a little better” 😭😭😭😭

The entire cop scene is just pure insanity, very Lonely Island and I’m here for it even though I just want Sarah to rEALLY LISTEN TO WHAT NYLES IS TRYING TO SAY

“Pain is real” oh babey that means SO MANY THINGS 🥺💔

“I followed you into that cave because I liked you!” like jake would say: don’t love how we got here but we’re going where i want

“pretentious sad boy” me

not shocked that they’ve hooked up before because c h e m i s t r y but don’t like how it got out :)))

why is nyles’ one sleeve shirt rolled up? im triggered

drinking pure vodka? oh babey its gonna be okay

WE LOVE A SMART BOI WHO RECOGNIZES HIS GIRL’S PERFUME

Sarah’s parents singing:)) i would cry too, nyles

"I love her.” “I see... That’s interesting” lmao savage

I actually really love Roy’s character. It turns out to be very humble actually and he has some insightful and lowkey poetic that lines i love. Besides that he’s hilarious.

SO the whole time i was wondering how they’d get out of the whole “same day forever”-thing, if they were to. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they had such a logical way out of it: science. Not anything cheesy like “a true love’s kiss” or “you learned your lesson”. Pure logic and Sarah’s hard work to get there. Huge fan of this.

I will never get over how good Nyles looks waking up and Sarah is xtra pretty in that scene:’)

Nyles just wants to stay in a loop forever because it means for sure that he gets to stay with Sarah forever and I’m lowkey into it but also like lowkey LISTEN TO HER AND GO WITH HER PLAN, NYLES

“I wanna stay with you” *sniffles*

“I love you. How about that?” PRETTY FUCKING GOOD

I love Nyles’ character development. He started off so nonchalant and cold, closed off and by this point he’s the softest, smiliest in love fool I’ve ever seen and Andy does it so good. SAMBERG HEART EYES!!

“Nothing is real in here” YES SARAH UR LOVE IS

I’m taking Sarah’s asking Nyles to believe in her and leave with her as her first “I love you” because it’s very clear that she wants to leave with him rather than without.

just- this entire scene i ugh <3 <3 <3 <3

BREAKING. UP. WITH. MISTY ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

glass of wine filled to the brim? sarah’s my type of gal

the speech was really beautiful and sweet without being too cheesy and kudos to cristin for really delivering it like a pro! especially her “abe, don’t fuck this up” like yes girl kill him, chop him to pieces with your eyes!!! also camila is such really pretty bride

nyles looks like a cockatoo here :

nyles taking the shot and smashing the glass into the ground got me 🤭😵😏🥵

“I’m your son” I SCREAM

GIVE THE MAN A WHITE HORSE DAMNIT

Gotta admit Sarah looks like a bomb (lol nu pun intended) ass super hero in her bridesmaid dress and C4-gettup

The sentence ending up being total grammatical gibberish but Nyles trying so. damn. hard is the sweetest thing ever and should and will go down in rom-com history. It’s super romantic but also well-balanced by humor and I just.. so good. This is the kind of characters and relationships I love and wanna write myself

“you’re my favorite person that i’ve ever met” 🥺🥺🥺

“i’d rather die with you than live in this world without you” WHY AM I SO SINGLE SOMEONE LOVEE ME LIKE THIS

okay so idk but “what if we get sick of each other?” “we’re already sick of each other. it’s the best.” is so so so soft, the way nyles says it like it doesn’t matter and is honestly another key moment for me: they’ve experienced basically everything imaginable during their time in the box/loop. they’ve liked, disliked, loved, hated each other and still: he loves her. the fact that nyles knows no matter what happens it won’t stop that because it’s them?? ouch my heart.

this chaotic mess of a pairing?MESSY BOMB BRIDESMAID AND CURLY-HAIR HAWAII SHIRT-BOI!! MY OTp

Them dissing Nyles’ mom on their way into potential death? that’s love, baby

the fUCKING KISSSSSSS MANNNNNNNNNN!!!! SO ICONIC AND THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND AND JUST WE DESERVE THIS THEY DESERVE THIS EVERYONE DESERVES THISSSS!!!

NEVER OVEER THIS EVER FOREVER NEVER

Ok so I was SURE that when it faded to black that it was done and I grew super ficking frustrated because it would leave us with this “the ending is up to whatever you chose”-kinda thing kinda a la Celeste and Jesse where it just feels unresolved and I WASN’T OKAY WITH THAT. So I’m so happy we got to know that it worked and the bebes will live happuilly ever after with Nyles’ shaggy dog:’)

Their hands on each other’s knee >>>>>

all in all 100000/10

#palm springs #palm springs spoilers #andy samberg #cristin milioti #camila mendes #sarah x nyles #emilie says things #sarah #nyles #the lonely island #nyrah

205 notes · View notes

honesthammie · 3 years

Text

4th prompt part 2

The silence was appreciated as your mind wrapped up today's event. You had met your soulmate in a goddess of a woman. Everything you had discovered so far was perfect. You watched as she pulled a metal disk and metal stick from her pockets. The metal stick made a strange buzzing sound and glowed a faint orange at the tip as she hovered over the disk.

"What are you doing?" You asked after watching her in curiosity for a few moments. You would've let her continue as her face was quite the sight. Her eyes were sparkling with intent and her nose had the most adorable scrunch.

She stopped for a moment as you spoke as if thinking on what to say before continuing. "I'm scanning for any spider eggs in the building so we can take them with the other spiders to a planet of their own. A planet without civilisation but full to the brim with creatures they can eat. I think, the fam got them all. No, fam still doesn't seem right. The team does sound better!"

"A planet? What, are you some kind of alien?"

"Yes. Would that be a problem?" She asked. From the way her eyes sparkled, I believed her. Great, no wonder why she seemed so ethereal! So when I say, she's out of this world, it'd be a fact and not a flirtatious comment! For fuck sake, that's one of my best lines as well! Maybe I could use it when the time is right?

"Nope. After the discoveries of my life recently, that's actually the most believable thing. Please don't ask yet. However, those spider babies trust me. You aren't going to get them to listen without me. I spent at least a full 5 hours with them, they trust me more than you. Come on little Miss Sunshine, hop to it, the spiders won't wait forever." I spoke with confidence. I knew she knew, she needed me. That's why she followed me. "I'm (y/n) by the way"

"Great name! Love that name, was always one of my favourites. I've always fancied myself as a (y/n) but the faces never seem to fit it. I'm normally a John but I can't be now I'm a woman. Why don't you give me an alias for when I'm undercover?"

"Hmmm. I quite liked the name Alice and you certainly suit that name. Is there a name people call you when you aren't undercover. What do family call you?"

"Alice. I love that! I'm keeping Smith. Alice Smith. Perfect! Knew you'd be the one to help me. People tend to call me the Doctor. So do I for some reason. Wish I knew why."

This cute blonde alien was more mysterious the more we talked. She told me of how her ship goes in time as well as in space. She told me of the time of when she met Robin Hood with an older face and a companion named Clara. All this talk and I wasn't bothered once by it. I could listen and watch her all day as she talks about adventures she's been on. She puts all the theatrics on and waves her arms about with so much passion and her eyes show her emotions so clearly. But I also saw age. If she's older than she looks, just how old is she? Not that it bothers me, it's just, if she's like hundreds of years old, she's probably had other lovers and I don't know if plain old me can compete with that.

Sooner than we realised, we came towards a blue Police box. She clicked her fingers and waltzed right in. This must be her TARDIS. I walked inside with awe. The ship was beautiful inside. Like a gem hidden as an ore. The golden and blue lights perfectly reflected her personality.

"It's fucking massive Sunshine! Ya didn't warn me about walking into a football field! No wonder why thousands of spiders seemed no problem! Fucking hell!" I stated as my eyes scanned the room in front of me. Then I felt a little tug on my right trouser leg. I looked down and saw a little spider wanting my attention. I bent down and picked him up. He seemed happy to be held like that so I kept him in that position as I wondered towards the Doctor.

I had so many questions I wanted to know and I'm sure she has too. But now was not the time for that. We needed to get these spiders to their new home. I continued to watch the Doctor as she danced around something she called a console. She was pressing buttons and pulling levers and many more things until the ship made a strange wheezing noise and I was thrown off my feet. Thankfully I was caught by someone. I looked up and saw an oldish man.

"Hello Love! I can tell this your first time here. We all fell down when she first did that with us. You learn to find something to grab onto. I'm Graham by the way." Graham spoke gently but loudly over the noise of the ship. I couldn't help but giggle, my grandad used to call me Love too.

Then as quick as the ship started, it came to a gentle stop. I looked around and notice the same 2 people from earlier. The girl was smiling and laughing to something the boy mentioned. They must be old friends. I then noticed the Doctor walk towards the doors and open them just enough for her to check outside.

"Right (n/n). I'm calling you that as we are friends now. Go on, it's your first new planet and you care about these spiders more than we do so I think it's best if you check everything it perfect for them!" The Doctor spoke with excitement. She even clapped her hands for a moment, obviously not being able to control the surge of energy running through her.

I held the spider in my arms and the doors opened in front of me. I closed my eyes for a moment as the light blinded me temporarily. I could feel the warmth of a sun and the cool breeze the gently whipped past your face giving you the perfect cooling needed. The planet smelled sweet yet sour like Toxic waste sweets. I could hear many creatures making strange noises, some were doing a high pitched growl and some others were doing deep scream. Then there were nicer sounds like birds tweeting but in a lower key and something sounded like a piano, specifically an old ragtime piano.

I slowly opened my eyes and noticed the silver sky and its 4 suns in each direction. I noticed that the high pitched growl was from a small flying frog like creature and the deep scream was from a big rabbit- horse like creature that was just chewing the purple leaves off the metal looking trees. The bird like sound belonged to a small Robin like creature, but instead of a red chest it was a beautiful blue hue and it had silver eyes that sparkled just right. The Ragtime piano sound belonged to a dog-raccoon like creature that scampered away with its mouth full of the fallen berries that the rabbit-horse dropped from the leaves. The grass beneath was as black as ink and the pond to the right of me was a strange red colour.

"Well what do ya think? I personally think it's perfect but you seem to know these arachnids better than me so, I could be wrong, although, I'm not often" The Doctor spoke with eagerness. I noticed her looking at me as I took in the world around me. Why does this feel all too familiar to me? Why do I like the escapism of Earth? Why is this so, freeing?

I took a deep breath in. "Its perfect Doc. The spiders will love it here! They'll adapt pretty quickly I believe. The creatures are big enough to satisfy them. Although the sounds are a little off putting." I put the spider in my arms in the oddly cotton soft grass and watched as the thousands of others followed in its footsteps. Some carried the baby spiders and others carried the eggs. They had already found a cave to lay the eggs and started weaving some webs within 10 minutes.

Once I was happy with everything, I said my goodbyes and entered the strange ship once more. I could feel fresh tears sting my eyes like tiny hot needles. I get so attached so quickly and I noticed the string warm up and I checked on my soulmate, she was looking at me with an all too familiar look, the look of complete adoration. So the string tells me when her love for me evolves until we kiss? I mean, that's when it disappears for everyone else.

"This was great Sunshine! I had a ride of a lifetime, I really did. So I guess, you can drop me off home, I'm probably not wanted and I don't wanna ruin your team dynamic here."

"Why on Earth would you think that? I was actually wondering if you'd like to join us. Those spiders trusted you and having someone like you would really make the adventures more thrilling. Besides, I really like you and there's something special about you and I can't place my finger on it. I don't like not knowing things. If I drop these off home for a bit, would you mind if I ran some tests on you?"

"Really? Sure. I don't mind. I actually wanna know aswell. You see, I know what's special but I don't want to tell you in front of the others, its a bit embarrassing." I asked whilst blushing. She nodded her head and set the TARDIS coordinates to Sheffield. The Doctor promised she'd be back in a week and set the TARDIS to float in our solar system whilst she got to work on me.

We walked into what I can assume is some sort of med Bay. The walk had conversations about the last planet and how we thought the spiders would adjust. Eventually she sat me down on a white bed.

"So, you said you knew why you were special. I don't like cliffhangers so I'll give you a custard cream if you tell me." She said as she got a paper document and waited for me to speak.

"I don't know how or why but have you ever heard of the red string of fate story?" I asked, wondering how to word this without sounding weird. She nodded her head in understanding. "Well, when I turned 16, I could see everyone's red strings. The world was covered in red. I was confused at first until I read that story."

"Hmm. That is interesting because all stories have some truth to them. Some are exaggerated and some are exactly as said. Well that story is a good example of that. Thousands of years ago, there were 2 species of human, homo sapiens and homo spectrians. Spectrians were low on numbers in population as they'd spend almost all their life playing match maker. You'd know Spectrians as Cupids. However when battles and wars happened, Cupids were out of a job as everyone had to focus on the country and not themselves. This is where arranged marriages started happening and Cupids were becoming depressed. Eventually the Cupids decided to blend in with the humans and became virtually extinct. You might be the only Cupid left in the universe, other than Valentine himself." She explained it so well.

"Can Cupids see their own string?" I asked. She paused for a moment. Her eyes flickered between heartbroken and hopeful. I felt the string flicker between cold and toasty warm just like her eyes.

"No. Cupids weren't supposed to have soulmates. But I guess you are technically half human so maybe that makes sense. Do you know who your soulmate is?"

"She's amazing. She's like a Goddess. When I first saw her I immediately thought, She's too fucking perfect for someone like me. She incredibly smart too but, can be oblivious. I mean, I only met her a few hours ago and I'm fucking smitten with her. She reminds me of sunshines and rainbows. I'm just waiting for her to make a move." I told her. She looked at me for a moment, processing this new information. She smirked for a moment once she figured it out.

"Well my soulmate had me wrapped around her finger the second she jumped in front of a spider to save her life. A bold move like that normally makes me mad but, she did it so well. I haven't known her long but I can see me being by her side forever, travelling the stars. She reminds me of those stars actually. The way she sparkles in the light. I love you (y/n) with both of my hearts." She spoke softly as we slowly leaned in. When she finished, she planted her soft lips on mine and the red string was gone. Not that I noticed until an hour later when we picked the team up and held hands to announce our relationship.

Maybe dating a sunshine is exactly who I needed.

#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #female reader #13th doctor x reader #soulmate

16 notes · View notes

thetheatregang · 4 years

Text

The First Date Incident

Synopsis: When Julie goes on her first date, the boys just can’t help themselves. They have to spy on her. No self control. Nope. Not even a little bit.

This is my first fic for JATP, and my first real fic since the beginning of quarantine so PLEASE go easy on me and PLEASE leave e some feedback! It goes kinda quick because I’m still trying to get back into the groove of writing but I hope you all love it!

Shout out to @easthighdrama and @itsjuliemolina for reading it and giving me some tips!

Monday. Julie Molina usually loathes Monday’s. This particular Monday, however, would not be a day like any other day at Los Feliz High School.

Ever since her band played at the legendary venue The Orpheum, a few weeks prior, she has been riding the popularity train. People Julie has never talked to in her life are talking to her in the halls like they’re her best friend. Some of the popular senior girls even asked if she wanted to come to their party, to which she had to politely decline, as Ray would surely kill her if he found out.

But to top it all off, the guy she’s had a crush on since grade school, Nick, has been talking to her more than ever!

“H- hey, Jules! How’s it going?” Nick calls out, approaching her locker. He pulls out from behind his back a bottle of apple juice from the cafeteria.

“Oh! Apple juice? How did you know?” She beams nervously. He knows because she tweeted about how bad she wanted apple juice last night, but the carton in the fridge was all out. It was a lame tweet, she knew that, but she can’t help but blush at the fact that Nick totally reads her tweets.

She’s liked Nick for so long, it’s hard to not get flustered around him. His cute smile and perfect hair just give her butterflies, she can’t help it. Even though when Nick asked her out before, and she rejected him, those feelings haven’t quite gone away yet. Probably because she only did so, because of her feelings for Luke, who, as Flynn has pointed out many times, isn’t even actually alive. She can’t really date a dead guy...

“I just had a feeling... Anywho, I was hoping to ask you something! Do you have plans this weekend?” He smiles, his eyes sparkling. Nick has had it bad for Julie ever since the band played that show in her backyard, and especially since she agreed to be his dance partner.

“Just rehearsal with the band, why? Did you wanna hang out or something?” She wonders aloud. This is it! This is iiiiiiitttttt! The moment she’s been waiting for since grade school.

“Well, they’re doing a horror movie marathon at the Westin Theater tomorrow for Halloween, so I was thinking maybe I’d pick you up, and we could go check it out?” He smiles. “Like on a date?”

“YES!” She exclaims, a little too enthusiastically. “I mean, yeah, sure! That sounds chill!” Nice save, Julie, nice save.

“Cool!” He chuckles. “I’ll text you the deets!”

Nick smiles, lowkey flipping his hair out of his face as he walks away. And within seconds Flynn appears.

“Did Nick just ask you out?” She squeals bouncing up and down.

“Maaaaaaayyyyyybe!” Julie teases. She cannot even believe she’s saying these words. A date? With Nick? Flynn couldn’t believe her ears.

“Give me all the details!” Flynn demands.

“He’s picking me up tomorrow to go to that horror movie marathon at the Westin! He told me he’d text me!” She squeals excitedly.

“He’s gonna pick you up? Like in his car? Is your dad gonna be okay with that?” Flynn replies worriedly. Crap. She’s right. Ray is going to freak.

“I don’t know, um, I hope so…” She sighs. This is gonna take some convincing.

______

After arriving home from school, and having a less than pleasant conversation with her father about dating, and boys, and boys with cars, she heads out to the studio.

“Guys?” She calls out entering the studio after school. No answer. This is strange because there’s almost always at least one of the boys in the studio when she gets home. Julie throws her backpack onto the couch and starts writing in her notebook.

“Hey Julie!” The boys greet her as they poof in from wherever they came from.

“Hey! I’m cancelling rehearsal tomorrow! I’ve got plans!” She tells them nonchalantly hoping to god they’re not gonna press the issue.

They press the issue.

“You’ve got plans that are better than rehearsing for our next gig?” Alex questions confusedly.

“Yeah, what are you doing? You got a hot date or something?” Reggie teases laughing.

Julie goes silent, not making eye contact, staring straight at her journal.

“WAIT I WAS RIGHT?” Reggie exclaims. “I’m never right!”

Julie can’t help but hide her smile.

“Oh my god! I’m right! I can’t believe I’m actually right” Reggie continues before being fully cut off by Luke.

“Wait seriously? A date? With that boy you were flirting with in the hallway?” Luke asks, with just a hint of jealousy in his voice.

“We’re just going to a movie! It’s not like I’m gonna marry the guy!” Julie sasses back.

“What are you going to see?” He inquires, sounding even more protective.

“There’s like a horror movie marathon at the Westin Theater for Hallowen so we’re gonna catch one of the showings!” I inform them.

“Oooh, guys love taking a girl to a scary movie. That way he can hold your hand whenever something scary happens!” Reggie chuckles.

Luke gives him a look that immediately shuts him up.

Part of Julie likes that the guys are so protective of her. It’s comforting to know they have her back, but at the same time it’s like having three older brothers that could scare him off at any given moment with just a little ghost power.

“It’s just a movie. Stop overthinking it!” She warns. “We talked about boundaries, remember?”

The boys all nod in agreement and move forward with rehearsal.

______

“I’m really glad you agreed to go out with me!” Nick tells me, opening the car door for Julie to get out. “I know you initially said no, but I’m really happy you changed your mind…”

“Yeah, totally! How could I say no to a scary movie! I love scary movies. Ghosts are totally my thing!” She smiles, thinking she’s hilarious.

“That’s awesome! The movie I chose is totally full of ghosts and monsters and stuff!” He informs her excitedly.

Nick hands the employee the tickets, and they head into the theater. They find some good seating in the middle row, as the theater is more or less empty.

Just before the movie begins, the boys poof into the very back row.

“Do you see her?” Luke whispers to Reggie, Alex, and Willie who have all taken it upon themselves to play spy on Julie’s date.

“There she is!” Reggie points, grabbing a seat with the extra large popcorn he stole from behind the counter with his ghost skills.

“Are you guys sure we should be doing this?” Alex questions, apprehensive about the whole ordeal.

“Oh absolutely. What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t check this guy out for Julie?” Luke smirks.

“Yeah. This is basically research. Plus, this way, when we ask how the date was, and Julie refuses to tell us, we already know!” Reggie explains.

This does not make Alex any less apprehensive but at least Willie came with them. He’s been looking for ways to get Willie and the boys to hang out for a little while now, and this was the perfect opportunity to get them all in the same room.

“What is this movie anyway?” Alex looks around to see if anyone’s ticket is out. Alex has never been a horror movie fan.

“Who knows, but if Julie can handle it, you can too, bud!” Luke smiles comfortingly.

As the horror fills the screens, Luke watches Julie and Nick like a hawk. Nick yawns and puts his arm around Julie like guys do at movies, which just about drives Luke crazy.

“You ready boys?” Luke says, clearly getting ready to go mess with them.

“Absolutely not! If she finds out y’all followed her here she’ll freak!” Willie rolls his eyes, pulling Luke back to his seat by the shirt.

Reggie hides behind Alex’s fanny pack from every spirit that enters the screen, before realizing that he too is dead, and begins relating to every ghost in the movie.

“Don’t go in the creepy house! Don’t go in the creepy house… AHHH!” Alex yelps as the main characters enter the haunted house. He quickly notices he has left his seat and is now sitting comfortably in Willie’s lap, who is honestly enjoying the movie.

“You scared, Hot Dog?” Willie grabs onto Alex’s hand and smiles. “Don’t worry, I got you!” He says comfortingly. Alex blushes.

Reggie, who has officially gotten bored of the movie, begins tossing little popcorn crumbs at the screen, and other movie goers.

“Dude cut it out?” The guy in front of them turns around, looking genuinely freaked out when he realizes that no one is behind him.

The boys all laugh. How have they never thought to haunt movie theaters before?

Without thinking, he tosses one at Julie.

Julie lets go of Nick’s hand, and fixes her hair, only just barely noticing that something hit her. And he probably would’ve gotten away with it too, if he hadn’t done it again.

The second piece of popcorn hits Julie’s neck and she turns her body around in her seat. The guys sink really low in their chairs.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She whispers under her breath.

“I’ll be right back. Gonna go get a refill on this icee!” She smiles at Nick, getting out of her seat.

“Do you think she saw us?” Alex asks quietly to the other guys.

“Yeah, definitely!” Willie says as Julie approaches the back of the theater.

“All of you, outside, now!” Julie mutters as she exits the theater.

The boys follow obediently.

Julie stands outside the door of the theater with her arms crossed. She gets out her phone and puts it to her ear.

“Heyyyyyy Julie! What are you doing here?” Reggie smiles awkwardly.

“Are you guys serious right now? What happened to boundaries? What happened to not overthinking it?” She scolds, rolling her eyes.

Alex sighs. “We’re sorry. We shouldn’t have intruded…”

“You’re darn right you shouldn’t have intruded!” She rolls her eyes. “This was a total invasion of privacy!”

“I know... We just couldn’t help ourselves. We had to make sure he treats you r-” Alex begins.

“Nope! No excuses! I don’t wanna hear it! I called boundaries, and you all broke them!” She interrupts. “I’m going back in there. If you guys follow me again, I’m coming for all of you!”

“But I wanna see how the movie ends?” Reggie complains.

“Don’t. Even. Think about it.” Julie warns, walking back into the theater.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #julie x luke #julie molina #luke patterson #alex jatp #reggie jatp #willie jatp #nick jatp #my fanfiction #paige in the new decade #sonsetcurve

35 notes · View notes

thewangxianlibrary · 4 years

Text

Wangxian Fic Recs - Modern Setting AU

Plant a little happiness (let the roots run deep) | Words: 47,638 | E

After thirteen years away, Dr. Wei Wuxian is back in Gusu. A car accident near his apartment brings someone unexpected back into his life and everything changes for the better.

and so my heart beats wildly | Words: 106,435 | E

“You know, you’re the one to beat this year,” Jiang Cheng offers helpfully, having seen the glare from right next to him. “Hanguang-jun’s been through juniors with the rest of us, he knows all of our tics. You’re an unknown variable, since he’s never competed against you before.”

“Thanks,” says Wei Wuxian drily. “That’s very comforting.”

Or: five nighthunting competitions where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were rivals, and one where they weren't.

Unstrictly Ballroom | Words: 47522 | T

Thirteen years ago, Wei Wuxian brought scandal and shame down upon his head and was thrown out of the competitive ballroom dance circuit. He vanished, never to be heard from again.

Lan Wangji aches when he remembers the way Wei Ying danced--like a laugh given movement and form. He has never stopped searching for him.

Let You Love Me (Always) | Words: 14853 | E

“I can't even imagine what kind of person Lan Wangji fell in love with,” Wei Wuxian admitted.

He felt his stomach being tied in knots, and it almost felt painful and definitely unpleasant, just trying to imagine the person that probably had Lan Wangji on his knees.

Or the story where Wei Wuxian was a bully and Lan Wangji was patiently waiting.

Some of You | Words: 60,640 | M

It can’t be that bad, he thinks. There’s no way he would have done that. But the doubt still lingers, turning into full-blown anxiety as he scrolls down his twitter feed, finally arriving on his latest tweet.

Lan WangJi ✔ @lan_wangji

Some of you have never fallen in love with a boy only for him to go missing after his parents die and pine away for three years waiting for him to come back, then continue to pine when he’s back after you realize you’re too scared to confess, and it shows.

23,043 retweets | 73,328 likes

Lan Zhan’s face pales and he buries his head in his hands, letting his phone drop on the table.

This is bad.

This is very, very bad.

Or, Lan Wangji gets drunk and tweets a love confession, Wei Wuxian panics, and all of twitter decides to matchmake Lan Wangji and his mystery guy.

Out of the Bin and Into Your Heart | Words: 27,675 | T

"Lan Zhan!” Wuxian exclaims as soon as the door to Lan Wangji's apartment opens.

“Fake-date me!” The door slams shut in his face.

or, The Best Laid Plans of Wei Wuxian.

nginal Equivalents | Words: 23,444 | E

He always gets the feeling there is something there, beyond the occasional jabs and the mostly one-sided banter and the way Lan Wangji has tolerated his rambles and teasing all these years and how he has caught him looking at him sometimes with his eyes softer than he has ever seen them.

But whatever that is makes his heart clench painfully and beat a million miles an hour, and that can’t be good for you, can it? As a self-respecting neurosurgery resident he can’t ignore the symptoms of an imminent heart attack, can he?

Or: How Wei Wuxian learnt to stop worrying and love his co-resident.

the moon lives in the lining of your skin | Words: 9,143 | M

“Let go,” Lan Wangji says.

“Huh?” Wei Wuxian tightens his hold on Lan Wangji. “Why?”

“If you don’t let go,” Lan Wangji tells him, reaching up to cover one of Wei Wuxian’s hands with his own, squeezing lightly, “then I can’t get up.”

“And what will you do once you get up?” Wei Wuxian asks. “Will er-gege punish me for being shameless?”

(Or, oh my god, they were roommates.)

boyfriend material | Words: 41,689 | M

Lan Xichen would do anything if it meant his brother was happy, which is what lead him to eavesdropping on the Jiang brothers as they discussed their requirements for a partner.

Or; Lan Wangji attempts to woo an already infatuated Wei Ying using bad pickup lines, and a few more things.

Love wakes me | Words: 42,812 | E

It starts with a bet. All mistakes, Wei Wuxian thinks, start with a bet.

It’s starts with a bet and ends with Wei Wuxian losing everything.

Nine years ago, Wei Wuxian made a bet with disastrous consequences. Now, he is part-owner of the popular and eclectic Yiling Cafe, years and miles away from his old life, making the best of things and trying to leave the past where it belongs. When Lan Wangji walks into his cafe by accident, Wei Wuxian finds himself doing what he thought he'd never do again; reclaiming some small part of his past, and hoping for a future he'd given up as lost.

These Things Stay the Same | Words: 29,937 | E

After a career covering news across the world, journalist Wei Wuxian is unexpectedly on his way home with a child in tow. Unfortunately, the path home isn't without obstacles.

your heartbeat, across the grass | Words: 44,278 | E

To his unbridled horror, Wei Wuxian sees his face up on the giant screen in real time for the entire stadium to see. Still laughing as his face takes a moment to catch up with the sheer mortification he’s feeling, A-Yuan perched on his shoulders as the Lan Wangji cape drapes over them.

There’s also commentary.

“—scenes from the stands here, this dad and his son making for an adorable twosome all decked out in support for local hero Lan Wangji—”

“—Speaking of, our man seems to have taken a little tumble—”

Wei Wuxian finds Lan Wangji on the field. The ball is nowhere near him but he seems to have fallen inexplicably backwards, sitting on the grass as he looks up at the giant screen.

Right up at the footage of him.

(AU where A-Yuan is professional footballer Lan Wangji's biggest fan, and his babysitter Wei Wuxian wants nothing more than to forget his days as the photographer of their school football team, calling out to the captain from the stands just so he'd look around at him.)

with you, I am home | Words: 47,049 | M

“I can’t go back home alone, Lan Zhan.”

Wei Wuxian gets a summons to return to Lotus Pier for marriage proposals. To avoid this, he convinces Lan Zhan to come with him and pretend to be his cultivation partner.

it's the little things, you see? | Words: 30024 | T

Hot Stuff’s lips part and his voice— God, his voice —flows past his lips like honey dripping from its jar.

“Are you—”

“Will you marry me?”

Nailed it.

Where single parent Wei Ying greets his son’s preschool teacher— on the first day they meet —with a marriage proposal.

Wei Ying spends the changing seasons wooing said preschool teacher in full-force, no holds barred.

Lan Zhan’s life does a full 360 degree turn when two balls of unrestrained energy land themselves in front of his classroom.

And as the seasons change, so do they.

The Simplest Way Forward | Words: 71,008 | E

It’s a really unfortunate thing, developing a crush on your husband. Wei Ying had assumed this would be easy. Lan Zhan had been so icy and unpleasant to him, it had never occurred to him that he might end up spending the next however many years with this dumb, burning feeling in his chest whenever he looks at him.

“Okay,” says Wei Ying. “But tell me if I…if the pretending gets to be too hard, okay?”

“It will not,” says Lan Zhan, quietly certain.

Pretty Things | Words: 25,520 | T

The thing was...Wei WuXian was right. It did suit him. Jiang Cheng took in everything—from the lively red of his nails, to the way he had braided and wrapped his hair in twin buns, leaving his bangs to curl becomingly over his cheeks, to the red silk of his calf-length silk cheongsam with black chrysanthemums blooming over his right shoulder and down the split on the left side of the skirt, to his shapely, shaved legs. And what tied it all together was the way he carried himself. Wei WuXian smiled impishly, pleased to know he was right, that he looked good, and that others would agree. Doubtless, he would be out drinking until the early hours as patrons vied to buy him drinks after the end of his shift.

Operation Old Men | Words: 37645 | NR

An ill-fated parent teacher conference reunites Jin Ling's wayward uncle with Sizhui's father. AKA: A matchmaking disaster as told by Jin Ling, Sizhui, and Jingyi.

Jin Ling knows he’s in deep trouble even before reporting to Headmaster Lan’s office, but the words “your uncle will be here soon” still strike the fear of God in him. His only consolation is that Jingyi and Sizhui’s guardians are also in the office, Jingyi’s mom already lecturing her sheepish-looking son. Lan-ayi only stops when Sizhui’s father, a quiet and tall man in white, clears his throat, causing her to engage him in one-sided smalltalk.

This is a disaster. Jin Ling had spent such a nice break at home for Mid-Autumn Festival, and Fairy’s presence had soothed his homesickness after returning to boarding school in Gusu. He knows pets aren’t allowed, but who is going to report Jin Ling when his father pays good money for a private suite in the dorms? Then there was the incident with Jingyi, a box of mooncakes, and a door left ajar. Long story short, he spent an hour chasing Fairy down the halls with Sizhui and Jingyi before finding his dog nosing up to a very angry Headmaster Lan.

#wangxian #wangxian fic rec #mdzs #CQL #the untamed #modern setting au #au: modern setting #fic rec list #wangxian fic rec list

98 notes · View notes

golden-masquerade · 4 years

Text

Apartmentseeker.com reviews for Sunny Hollow Apartments

Note: Original fiction, might be something more with time, I’m not sure yet

Really wanted one of those templates where you make fake stuff, like those fake tweet and face text stuff, but I guess those don’t exist. Oh well, maybe someday.

Enjoy!

ApartmentSeeker.com reviews

Sunny Hollow Apartments

Average 3.9 stars

Highest rated reviews:

**** Nice place with strict rules (Jonas J)

My sister and I moved here a couple of years ago because of the cheap rent, and it's been pretty great. The apartments are close to the town square and convention center, which works out well for us. There's also a beautiful garden and swimming pool with hot tub on the back lot which has been pretty great. The HOA in place has lots of complicated rules so anyone new to apartments are gonna feel a little over their head, but my sister and I adjusted quickly. I recommend getting a room in Sunny Hollow if you need cheap rent and don't mind the iron fist of the HOA.

-Reply from Owner-

Thank you for the kind words, JJ. I just wanted to clarify that the building doesn't have an HOA. It has a Building Management Team, and we work hard to ensure that our tenants are happy and safe in their homes. It makes us happy to hear that you love Sunny Hollow! Please give us a call if you need maintenance or anything at all! -Sasha S.

***** Cheap rent for great apartments! (Dash C.)

I absolutely LOVE Sunny Hollow! While the rooms are on the small side (hence so cheap), the building is close to the center of everything (except a school). While there's some rules the HOA has you follow, it's easy to get into a routine and life couldn't be better. Neighbors are nice, the pool and hot tub are fantastic perks, and the building itself is pretty quiet. It's been great rooming here while studying for Uni. Highly recommend to the average Uni student who can afford apartment housing!

-Reply from Owner-

Hi, Dash! Thanks for the kind words! I just wanted to clarify that the building doesn't have an HOA. It has a Building Management Team, and we work hard to ensure that our tenants are happy and safe in their homes. Please give us a call if you need maintenance or anything at all! -Sasha S.

*** Too many rules to follow (Miche P.)

I came to live here a week ago, and while the 1B1B room is nice and affordable for one person, there's a giant rules packet that comes with the place. A lot of the rules are pretty weird and make no sense, and I specifically moved into this place because I was told it was anti-HOA, when there is, in fact, an HOA. I'm breaking the lease and moving out. I vowed to never live under another HOA again.

-Reply from Owner-

Hi Miche! We're sorry that living in Sunny Hollow was unpleasant I want to clarify that the building does not have an HOA. Apartment buildings cannot have an HOA by law. We do have the Building Maintenance Team, which maintains the property and does not govern how tenants live their lives like an HOA does. We do have a lot of rules, yes, which were designed by happenings in the past to keep everyone safe and in harmony. Please stop by the office on the front floor so we can go over your paperwork. And we thank you for giving Sunny Hollow a try. Wishing all the best, Sasha S.

*** Small rooms with thin walls (Travis D.)

Like it says, all the rooms here are 1B1B, and that's fine but the walls are paper thin! I can hear everything from my other neighbors, and they keep me up at night! And I can hear everything outside too, don't even get me started on that nonsense! I'm only here because this is the cheapest place in town, and now I'm starting to see why! Come here only if you're as desperate as I am!

-Reply from Owner-

Hi Travis, thank you for your honest feedback! We're sorry to hear about the noise levels from your room. You must be on the sixth floor? It's a recent addition that we were sure we added our sound proofing to. Please come stop by the office so we can address this and help you live more comfortably in your apartment. Regards, Sasha S.

** Nice place but HOA doesn't care (Heather I.)

I moved here six months ago because the rent was ridiculously cheap, and now I'm starting to see why. I foster stray cats and kittens, and they either all go missing or are found dead in a matter of days. The building staff all say that the coyotes are doing it, and don't want to stop it. I can't deny that the room is nice, but there's so many pointless rules to follow and they refuse to do anything about the apparently dangerous wildlife in the area. Will move out soon.

-Reply from Owner-

Hi Heather! Unfortunately, owning pets or having animals in the apartments goes against the leasing agreement. We would also like to remind you that the building does not have an HOA. It does have the Building Maintenance Team, which works hard to keep you happy and safe in your apartment every day. We're sorry that Coyote managed to get to your animals, but there really is nothing we can do in that regard. Please come by the office at your earliest convenience so we can discuss what happened and what we can do moving foreword. Thank you, Sasha S.

*** Nice place but rules are weird (anon)

Me and two roommates are managing in our apartment because it's so small. But the giant rules packet they gave us with the place is a huge headache. Cover our open sockets? Only air freshener allowed is cinnamon apple? Cover shiny objects with cloth if planning to leave the apartment for an hour? It's weird. I don't get it, but the rent is cheap and we have nowhere else to go. So, come live here if you need cheap rent!

-Reply from Owner-

Hi Ashley, John, and Avery! We're sorry if living in Sunny Hollow is a little tough right now. The rules for the building are in place to be sure everyone is safe and happy in their apartment. We have socket covers, air fresheners, the proper thick cloths, fluffy towels, and mix of bird songs in the rain for everyone who needs them, completely for free, to help make following the rules easier. We do also offer a lock box for your shiny objects, however there is a fee for rental. The Building Management Team is doing its best to ensure that living in Sunny Hollow is the best for you it can be. Please come see us in the office on the first floor so we can help make living in your apartment the happy experience it should be. Thank you, Sasha S.

(one star) HOA WILL THROW YOU OUT IF YOU'RE PREGNANT! (Tammy J.)

AS SOON AS THE HOA HEARD THAT MY PREGNANCY TEST WAS POSITIVE, THEY GAVE ME AN EVICTION NOTICE! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS AND ILLEGAL! HOA IS A BUNCH OF JERKS! DO NOT LIVE HERE! WILL BE SUING!

-Reply from Owner-

Flagged for trolling. Sasha S.

**** Cheap apartments for single occupant (Jason S.)

I've lived here for five years, and I really enjoy these apartments. While they are small (1B1B), they're perfect for living on your own and really affordable for single occupancy. The neighbors are nice, and its close to nearly everything in town. The area is quiet, and the building has a garden to walk in and relax and a swimming pool that open in the spring and summer. I highly recommend to anyone looking for an affordable place to live on their own without roommates Sunny Hollow is the best!

** HOA IN PLACE DESPITE BUILDING BEING ANTI-HOA! (anon)

They lied about there being an HOA owning the place! I don't care what they call it, it's an HOA! I don't like being lied to! I'm moving out as soon as I can! Fuck HOAS!

-Reply from Owner-

Sunny Hollow does not have an HOA. We have a Building Management Team, which works hard on making life in your apartment happy and safe. Please come see us in our office on the first floor to work out the lease breaking process. We're so sorry that we couldn't make your stay a happy one, Jeoff. Regards, Sasha S.

*** Small space, both good and bad (Preston S.)

I've been here for six months, and am happy with Sunny Hollow. The rooms are VERY SMALL 1B1B, so not good for large groups or families. But we get access to a swimming pool in the summer, and a quiet place to study and rest. It's just me here, so the space is just about perfect. Recommended for single person who wants to live independently

(one star) Will not rent to families (anon)

Was hoping to stay here because the rent is cheap, but the property owner wouldn't even let us in. They sited our five year old son! They say the property is strictly a no children allowed property, which I'm pretty sure is illegal! What residence doesn't allow children to live there?! Avoid this place if at all possible! We'd sue if we had the money!

-Reply from Owner-

Sunny Hollow does not allow children to live in our apartments, as is covered by Rule 1 of our Apartment Guide and Rules. Sasha S.

*** Giant rule book comes with the place! (anon)

First day I was here, there's this giant book of rules for the room and building, like wtf? It makes a great doormat. Place is alright, but why all the rules?

-Reply from Owner-

Hi, Jack! Sunny Hallow has a Building Management Team to ensure that everyone's residency is safe and happy. We understand that there are a lot of rules to follow, and we would be happy to explain them to you at your leisure. The state of the rule book does not matter to us, as long as you follow the rules. Please see us in our office on the first floor for any questions or concerns that you have. Thank you, Sasha S.

(one star) Can't live here because of my dog? (anon)

Was turned away because I have a chihuahua?! It's not even a dangerous dog breed? Apartments are supposed to be pet friendly, wtf?

-Reply from Owner-

Sunny Hollow does not permit pets of any kind or animals, as is explained on our website as well as Rule 2 of the Apartment Guide and Rules. We are sorry we couldn't provide you with a home and wish you well on apartment hunting. Sasha S.

(one star) SOMETHING ATE ALL MY FISH! (anon)

DAY AFTER I MOVED IN ALL THE FISH IN MY FISHTANK WERE GONE! HOA WON'T DO ANYTHING! MOVING OUT TODAY! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK ATE MY FISH?!

-Reply from Owner-

Sunny Hollow does not permit pets of any kind or animals, as is explained on our website as well as Rule 2 of the Apartment Guide and Rules.

Flagged for trolling. -Sasha S.

*** 1B1B, cozy but has pests (Cassie Q.)

The rooms are alright, but after three days I heard something scratching and crawling through the walls. I'm worried about pests, but building management said they'd take care of it at no extra charge. It's good that the owners are always on top of things, but I really don't like mice or bugs and I was told that there's no pests in the building at all. Weird, but affordable, so I can't complain too much.

-Reply from Owner-

Hi Cassie! We're sorry about the night noises, and will work with you so you can get a good night's rest. We can assure you that Sunny Hollow is pest free, and we have an exterminator coming in every month to monitor the building as per town sanction. We can assure you that you'll never see a single mouse or bug considered a pest in your apartment. You're welcome to come by the office on the first floor if you'd like to see the appropriate paperwork, or pick up any supplies you need to ensure that your home is pest free. Regards, Sasha S.

***** THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PLACE! (anon)

YOU NEED TO READ THIS! DO NOT GO TO SUNNY HOLLOW! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE BUILDING! THERE'S SOMETHING LIVING IN IT! OR LOTS OF SOMETHINGS! THEY EAT PETS! THEY KILL PEOPLE! THE HOA DOESN'T CARE! I'M NOT CRAZY, WE'VE ALL SEEN IT! WE'VE SEEN THEM! DON'T BE FOOLED! THE RENT IS LOW FOR A REASON! DON'T GO THERE!

-Reply from the owner-

Flagged for trolling. Sasha S.

#original fiction

10 notes · View notes

technicallydeliciouspainter · 3 years

Text

Food Additives: What Parents Should Know

Food additives have been used for thousands of years, ever since people realized salt could keep meat from spoiling. Today, there are more than 10,000 additives approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to preserve, package, or modify the taste, look, texture, or nutrients in foods. But increasing evidence suggests some chemicals used as food additives should be avoided―especially for children.

How do food additives affect kids?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) policy, "Food Additives and Child Health," explains that a rising number of studies suggest some food additives may interfere with hormones, growth, and development Some may also raise a child's risk of obesity. Children may be particularly susceptible to the effects of these additives, given that they have more exposure than adults due to their size and dietary intake.

Below is a list of the most commonly used food additives and the current health concerns. This list includes indirect additives, which are used in processing or packaging, as well as direct additives that are put directly into foods.

How to reduce your family's exposure to food additives

Buy fresh or frozen. It's best to buy and serve fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables when possible.

Eat fewer processed meats. Try to avoid processed meats, such as hot dogs, ham and meats in pre-packaged meals, especially during pregnancy.

Wash plastic food containers and utensils by hand, rather than in the dishwasher. Heat can cause plastics to leak BPA and phthalates into food. Avoid microwaving food or beverages―including infant formula and breastmilk―in plastic, if possible.

Use glass and stainless steel. Especially when cooking or serving hot foods, use alternatives to plastic, such as glass or stainless steel, when possible.

Learn plastic recycling codes. Look at the recycling code on the bottom of products to find the plastic type. Try to avoid plastics with recycling codes 3 (phthalates), 6 (styrene), and 7 (bisphenols) unless plastics are labeled as "biobased" or "greenware," which means they are made from corn and do not contain bisphenols.

Wash your hands. Because chemicals from plastics are so common in items we touch throughout the day, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly before and after handling food.

Speak out. Join the AAP and other organizations calling for more research into food additives' safety, including improvements to the U.S. food additive regulatory program and retesting some previously approved additives. A recent review of nearly 4,000 food additives showed that 64% of them had had no research showing they were safe for people to eat or drink. While some change to the current law could be achieved by the FDA, some may require congressional action.

Common questions from parents about food additives

How do I find out which additives are in foods?

Additives that are put directly in foods are listed on ingredient labels, but often with their chemical names. For example, salt may be listed as sodium chloride, sugar as sucrose, vitamin C as ascorbic acid, and vitamin E as alpha-tocopherol. Artificial colors are usually listed by their numbers, such as Blue #2 or Yellow #5. However, there are also indirect additives from processing or packaging materials that are not listed on the ingredient labels. These can include chemicals from plastic, glues, dyes, paper, cardboard, and different types of coatings.

Are additives a problem in any baby products?

The FDA recently banned BPA from baby bottles and sippy cups, but the chemical is still used in some food and beverage containers. Many companies have voluntarily removed BPA from their products, but in many cases replaced it with chemicals such as bisphenol S (BPS) that may have similar health effects. In 2017, the Consumer Product Safety Commission banned the use of some phthalates in child-care products such as teething rings.

Do artificial food colors cause childhood hyperactivity?

More research is needed to better understand how artificial food colors (AFCs) may or may not impact a child's behavior. This is because much of the original research on these additives were animal studies that did not include behavioral affects. For some children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and other problem behaviors, the AAP says that until we know more, it may be helpful to eliminate AFCs from their diet if they seem to worsen symptoms.

The future of food additives

Many new techniques are being researched that will improve how additives are produced. One approach is the use of biotechnology, which can use simple organisms to produce food additives. These additives are the same as food components found in nature.

Talk with your pediatrician

Although there are ways to limit the amount of potentially harmful food additives in your family's diet, stronger federal food safety requirements will help keep all children healthy.

If you're concerned about food additives, talk with your pediatrician. Your regional Pediatric Environmental Health Specialty Unit (PEHSU) have staff who can also talk with parents about concerns over environmental toxins.

There are many different methods used to produce natural plant extract powder. Durning an extraction process a solvent is used to draw out the plant extracts, common solvents utilised are water or alcohol. Once the desired compounds are extracted the solvent is then removed. The plant extraction method used depends on whether specific compounds of the plant are desired to be extracted or the full range of plant compounds. Here we take a close look at the different methods of extraction.

1. LIPOPHILIC EXTACTION // Lipophilic are oil loving (fat soluble) and therefore soluble in oil. Macerated or Infused oil are Lipophilic extracts. This includes fat soluble vitamins (A, D, E, K), carotenoids, bisabolol and other lipophilic active ingredients. Note: Vitamin C is an extremely sensitive hydrophilic vitamin and therefore it is NOT present in plant oils, however some plant oils exhibit Vitamin C behaviours, research, I am sure one day may explain these 'effects'.

HOW IT WORKS // Plant material is added to a carrier oil. Maceration is performed as cold or warm-cold. Usually the procedure takes a few days to several weeks and the plant material is renewed several times during the maceration period. Heat or sun are applied as sources of energy. Ingredient Example // St Johns Wort Infused Oil

2. SUPERCRITICAL EXTRACTION (CO2) //Supercritical extraction uses CO2 (Carbon dioxide - an oxygen-free process) instead of organic solvents.

HOW IT WORKS // At a temperature and pressure above its critical point, a molecule will become a supercritical fluid, which is not quite a gas, but not quite a liquid. Supercritical fluids can be used under high pressure to extract a full range of phytochemical types. CO2 has a high diffusion rate that can penetrate the material quickier than liquids. It is a pure substance found in nature and is, thus, easily removed from the final extract without leaving any residue.

Among its advantages, supercritical CO2 extraction has the flexibility to extract specific compounds, and it operates at temperatures lower than expeller press and organic solvent methods. It also involves no oxygen, thus better preserving the extracted compounds.

CO2 extraction delivers the superior active properties of the plant without the use of any chemical solvents or the production of residues & impurities or issues with rancidity. Supercritical CO2 extraction is not ideal for all ingredients, this method is only applicable to materials that are lipid soluble.

A natural instant fruit juice powder is a powder made from the juice of fresh fruit and then dried into a fine powder. Fruit juice powders are basically concentrated fruit juice dehydrated by spray-drying method. Its moisture content is 1%-3%. The spray drying process is considered a conventional method to convert fruit juices to powder form. It can be used in drinks, dressings, marinades, desserts, smoothies etc. One must not get confused between fruit powder and fruit juice powder as the two are totally different. Powders are made from drying the whole fruits while fruit juice powders are made from drying the pure juice.

What is an API?

An API is defined as a specification of possible interactions with a software component. What does that mean, exactly? Well, imagine that a car was a software component. Its API would include information about what it can do—accelerate, brake, turn on the radio, etc. It would also include information about how you could make it do those things. For instance, to accelerate, you put your foot on the gas pedal and push.

The API doesn’t have to explain what happens inside the engine when you put your foot on the accelerator. That’s why, if you learned to drive a car with an internal combustion engine, you can get behind the wheel of an electric car without having to learn a whole new set of skills. The what and how information come together in the API definition, which is abstract and separate from the car itself.

One thing to keep in mind is that the name of some APIs is often used to refer to both the specification of the interactions and to the actual software component you interact with. The phrase “Twitter API,” for example, not only refers to the set of rules for programmatically interacting with Twitter, but is generally understood to mean the thing you interact with, as in “We’re doing analysis on the tweets we got from the Twitter API.”

1 note · View note

starlightbuck · 4 years

Text

safe inside

word count: 5.6k || read on AO3 || cowritten with @bilbobagglns in honor of @letitialewiss‘s birthday

World-famous actor TK Strand and his bodyguard Carlos find themselves seeking shelter from fans and paparazzi in a bakery Carlos knows very well.

Baking leads to a few life changes.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?”

TK freezes in the middle of shrugging out of his cobalt blue blazer. The soft fabric rests in the crook of his elbows and he tries to focus on that instead of Marjan. “It was a good meeting.”

“The meeting that you swore up and down was a waste of time and that you said was going to bore you to tears was good?”

“Yeah,” TK says, the response tasting pathetic on his tongue. As an actor, and a pretty successful one at that, shouldn’t he be better at lying?

Marjan laughs as she takes the blazer TK holds out to her and hands him a distressed denim jacket in return. “Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

She busies herself with putting the blazer away in a garment bag, while TK slides his jacket on. It’s his favorite and usually makes him feel untouchable, but that feeling has been subdued by Marjan. Her attention to detail and capacity to remember even the most offhanded comments TK makes in regard to his wardrobe is what makes her the perfect stylist for all of his needs. However, those same traits are much less convenient when it comes to getting the truth out of him.

Marjan is right though. TK did spend the past week complaining about today’s meeting and, just like he said, it was painfully boring. So much so that Paul, TK’s agent, had to nudge TK multiple times to make sure he stayed awake. TK is entirely sure that the meeting could’ve gone on without him there but, had that been the case, he would’ve missed out on the news that currently has him in such a good mood.

The same news he’s looking forward to sharing with one person in particular.

“Was Carlos in the hall when you came in?”

“Yeah, he was.”

The three words shouldn’t be enough to set TK’s heart racing and yet, that’s exactly what it does. “Can you send him in on your way out?”

“Of course.” Marjan grabs her things, including a few alternative outfits she brought along with her for TK’s meeting. “And just so you know, he’s looking especially handsome today. I’m usually not a fan of all-black ensembles, but he’s definitely pulling it off.”

Heat floods TK’s cheeks and he has to hold back from covering his face. It’s an annoying reaction that’s still fairly new to him. Usually he’s full of confidence when it comes to guys, but there’s something different about Carlos. Something TK has been trying his hardest not to think about. “Marjan!”

She shrugs, looking extremely unapologetic. “What? I figured you’d want to know.” When TK doesn’t say anything, her expression softens. It’s a shift in demeanor that he’s only seen a handful of times since they began working together. It sets him on edge immediately. “Are you still trying to ignore your feelings for him?”

Feelings.

When she puts it like that, it makes the whole situation sound much simpler than it actually is. In a perfect world, it might’ve been.

But this isn’t a perfect world. TK’s a celebrity, Carlos is his bodyguard and, no matter how much his feelings have grown for Carlos over the years, he cannot act on them. He won’t. Carlos is the sun, TK is dark grey clouds, and he refuses to be the reason for dulling Carlos’s shine.

“I can’t like him.”

“Says who?” Marjan shoots back without missing a beat.

TK’s heart bangs painfully against his ribcage, reminding him that what he feels towards Carlos is something that he’s meant to keep to himself. “Because he works for me.”

“And?”

“And I can’t I-” TK’s mind travels back to a whirlwind romance with a co-star that led him down a path he never wants to travel down again. “I just can’t.”

TK is hoping to leave it at that as his previous good mood deep dives off the ledge into something much less positive.

Marjan must sense the shift because she frowns. “Carlos isn’t Alex, TK.” And you deserve to be happy.”

She leaves the room then, but her words still hang heavily in the air. It’s possible that TK would’ve spiraled into overanalyzing what she said and thinking back on a relationship he’d much rather forget had it not been for a knock at his door.

“TK?” Carlos calls through the door. “Can I come in?”

TK clears his throat, shaking his arms out in an attempt to shake off his declining mood. “Yeah.”

Seconds later, an imposing figure in all black enters the room. TK hates that Marjan was right - Carlos does look especially handsome today.

“Hey,” Carlos greets, his bright smile a direct contrast to the dark outfit he’s wearing. As an actor, TK should be used to people’s ability to transform from who they really are into the character they’re playing, but he’s never adjusted to watching Carlos do the same. One second, he’s smiling and the human embodiment of a cuddly teddy bear. Then, in the next second, he’s a fierce bodyguard ready to hurt anyone who tries to harm TK. “How was your meeting? As boring as you kept saying it’d be?”

“I mentioned that to you too?”

“Just a few dozen times,” Carlos says with a laugh. He walks further into the room, doing his usual cursory check before standing in front of TK. When he does, his smile devolves into a concerned frown. “Are you okay?”

Carlos does this a lot, locks onto TK’s emotions before TK even gets a chance to verbalize them. It could be said that it’s a skill he’s picked up after working for TK for close to three years now, but saying that would be a disservice to Carlos. The bodyguard has a way with people like no one TK has ever met before and that’s saying something considering how many people TK meets on a regular basis.

“I’m fine.” Carlos’s eyebrows furrow together and TK can tell that he’s trying to determine whether or not to push for more information. It’s why TK adds, “I actually have some news for you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.” A small spark of the excitement TK felt earlier reignites. “We’re leaving for a weeklong trip tonight, so pack your bags.”

Carlos’s phone is out of his pocket in an instant. “A trip? I don’t remember seeing anything about that on your schedule.”

“It was just decided at today’s meeting.” TK pauses, always ready to add in a dash of suspense whenever he can. He likes to believe that it’s the actor in him that always chooses this dramatic route. “Oh and you should probably let your family know.”

At this added statement, Carlos lowers his phone and focuses back on TK. “Why?”

“Because we’re headed to Texas.” TK’s lips lift up into a grin. This was the part of the meeting that fully woke TK up because he’s heard Carlos talk about where he grew up on multiple occasions. “Austin, Texas to be more specific.”

For a second, Carlos stares at TK in stunned silence. It takes another second for him to find his voice. “Are you serious?”

“Very. And, it’s also possible that I talked Paul into extending the trip an extra two days so you could have a chance to see your family and friends. I know how much you miss them.”

“TK,” Carlos says in an unbearably soft voice. There’s a twinkle in his brown eyes that wasn’t there before and TK’s chest swells with pride because he’s the one that put that twinkle there. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Austin, here we come.”

Wherever TK goes, people recognize him.

It’s just a fact of life – the Sun rises in the East, hot dogs go best with mustard, and TK Strand can’t go anywhere without being noticed.

Someone must have tipped the paparazzi off or someone tweeted about it because, as soon as they exit the building TK has just finished an interview in, Carlos notices a crowd of people running towards them, phones and cameras out and yelling TK’s name.

“Oh no,” TK sighs.

Luckily for them, Carlos knows this neighborhood like the back of his hand.

“Follow me.”

He does not even look to check if TK is following, Carlos knows he is. That’s how they work – they trust each other fully and without hesitation.

Carlos makes them turn onto a street he has walked up and down countless times before, and his gaze finds the bakery facade right away. He runs faster – behind them, the crowd is still going strong but they are a street behind.

They don’t have much time before their hiding place gets made.

“Over here,” he shouts, dragging TK ahead of him and pushing him through the bakery’s door.

Carlos doesn’t hesitate.

As soon as TK is through the door, he whirls around and locks it behind him, flipping the closed sign with a precise movement born out of repetition, and then lowers the blinds.

It’s right on time as he just manages to catch a glimpse of the horde of reporters and fans before the room is plunged into relative darkness.

Instantly, relief floods through him.

He has made it.

TK is safe and they will be able to hide in here until the crowd has dissipated enough that they can get a chauffeur in without risking another scene.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Look, I can explain,” TK is already saying, apology sincere on his tongue. Carlos does not have to turn around to picture the contrite look on his face, but he turns anyway. That’s his role, making sure TK does not have to deal with anything that could prove a threat to him.

But the man is no threat.

“It’s my fault,” Carlos cuts in. TK’s expression is exactly how he’s expected it to be. “I made us barge in here to take cover.”

“Take cover, huh? And who do you think you are to be closing the shop this early?”

TK is worrying his lower lip, Carlos wants to smooth the worried lines between his brows but he holds back. That’s not his role.

The man facing them is tall. Carlos is no short man but even he has to tilt up his neck to look the guy in the eyes.

“I thought I’d take my chance.”

Both men try to hold it together but they break into a huge grin at the same time. TK frowns in confusion and this makes Carlos snort. In turn, Judd Ryder barks out laughing, long gone are the tensed – fake – lines of his shoulders which now sag into an eased position.

“Well, come give me a hug, Reyes, since you’re dropping by unannounced.”

Laughing, Carlos goes to give his old friend a hug and Judd squeezes him tight, even sweeping Carlos off his feet with ease.

It’s only when he’s let down to the ground that he notices three customers seated at the only table in the bakery – I’m here to sell baked goods, not to entertain guests. They are one small family of two men and a bright-eyed kid and they don’t appear to be too bothered by the commotion as they’re all laughing in delight at the scene.

TK, who loves kids and making them laugh, waves at the boy which elicits a pearly laugh from him. One of his dads, the blue-eyed one, laughs and nods at TK.

In that moment, Carlos knows that TK has been made but these people won’t bother them.

Relieved, Carlos manages a small, thankful smile at them. The second father, brown-eyed, nods gracefully.

“Sorry about that, gents,” Judd says, his Southern drawl deepening with his humor. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

And with that, he drags Carlos by the arm. TK, as always, follows right behind.

The kitchen smells exactly as Carlos remembered it. A million moments, a million memories rush to him and he almost staggers under the weight.

Grace laughing as she wipes Judd’s face of flour. Himself dancing as he cleans, music blasting through the speakers, and Mateo attempting to sing the highest notes of ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody’. Michelle slipping in the backdoor to tell him she found her sister alive and well.

Countless memories twirl before his eyes, some joyful, some not but all of them bright and loud and alive.

“So what’s the deal?” Judd asks him when the door is closed behind them and that breaks Carlos out of his trance-like state. “And does it have anything to do with Superstar over here?”

“Yes,” he admits with an amused glance at TK who shrugs, sheepish. “We just want to wait until things calm down enough for us to leave. Is that okay with you?”

Judd hums low and long, but Carlos knows him enough to know he is only pretending to think it over.

“On two conditions,” he drawls. “You bake like the good ol’ times. And Superstar puts a post about the bakery on Instagram. Grace is always telling me to add content to the page, that’ll make her happy.”

“Deal,” Carlos replies with a laugh.

And so that’s how he finds himself going through Judd’s drawers feeling once again like he’s seventeen and wondering if he’s ever going to find his path.

“I had no idea you knew how to bake,” TK says and his eyes never leave Carlos as Carlos moves around the kitchen to get everything he needs ready.

Judd has barely changed anything at all, except there are more pictures of Grace and the two together now.

“I guess I can,” Carlos replies.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Judd shouts from the other room before sticking his head through the doorway, looking at TK. “Boy can bake, he’s great at it actually. It was a damn shame when he left the shop. We could’ve made a chef out of him.”

“Please, I was mostly at the counter. I just helped in the kitchen a bit.”

“Please,” Judd parroted, earning a laugh from TK though if anyone asked Carlos, he would say the imitation was lacking. “Get to work, Chef Costner.”

TK laughs again, his eyes are bright and his cheeks reddened. It’s mesmerizing.

Carlos forces himself to look away or else he thinks he could spend the rest of forever staring into TK’s eyes.

They don’t talk as Carlos continues rummaging through the drawers and cupboards, but when he turns around, his old favorite spatula in his hand, he finds that TK is still staring at him, a strange look on his handsome face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” and TK shrugs as if to rid himself of his odd mood. “I’m good.”

Unconvinced, Carlos decides however to drop the subject. He has found that it is no use pestering TK for answers when he isn’t ready to open up. That’s actually the best way to shut him all up and never get a word about it ever again.

It’s taken some time for Carlos to figure this out.

When he first started as TK’s bodyguard, he thought him to be like any other celebrities he’d worked for. Yet, slowly, Carlos saw behind the mask, behind the happy party facade, and caught a glimpse of the real man that was TK Strand.

Glimpses soon turned into longer and longer looks until all that Carlos could see was TK, without artifice, without lies – the truest of him and all of him beautiful in every definition it could ever have.

Carlos knows it. He is in love with the man. How could he not be? TK is a sun and Carlos has been pulled into his orbit.

He is more than happy to burn.

TK has seen Carlos do a lot of things as his bodyguard over the years. He has easily forced his way through rabid photographers, carefully navigated through crowds of TK’s adoring fans, broken down a locked door to be there when TK needed him most, and so much. Yet all of those moments pale in comparison to this - Carlos baking.

It’s mesmerizing to watch those same hands that hold so much power do something as delicate as crack an egg and expertly wield a whisk.

TK doesn’t mean to stare, he doesn’t , but there isn’t really anywhere else to look. And really, why would he even want to look anywhere else when Carlos is right there?

It’s usually at this point in his train of thought that TK would force himself to think of something else. It’s such a natural process for him, that he switches his thinking without realizing it, letting his mind wander to his meeting earlier. He has just started wondering how he could’ve made a better impression when Marjan’s words from two days ago flash through his mind.

You deserve to be happy.

It’s a sentence he’s heard a million times before but has very rarely ever believed. The inability to do so has led to a struggle that brings down TK’s mood more often than not. But today, TK doesn’t want to let it bring him down. If there’s one thing he’s learned as an actor, it’s to fake it ‘til you make it. And, if there’s one thing TK is good at, it’s faking it.

It’s for that reason that TK grants himself the indulgence of continuing to watch Carlos as he bakes. It’s intoxicating really, being in Carlos’s atmosphere. Especially here in this place where Carlos spent so much time when he was younger. He can tell that Carlos feels completely at ease here. The usual tension in his shoulders has all but dissipated and he hasn’t stopped smiling since he started baking.

TK would happily give away all the money in his bank account if it meant always getting to see that smile.

“There was this one time,” Carlos says, gearing up for what TK is sure will be a very entertaining story when they hear it. A series of sharp knocks at the backdoor nearest TK.

Three things happen simultaneously.

TK jumps, knocking over his seat in the process. Carlos, who was in the process of pulling a tray of finished cupcakes out of the oven, carelessly shoves them right back in. He rushes to stand in front of TK, effectively acting as a physical barrier between TK and whoever is at the door.

There are a few terrifying seconds where the sound of someone continuing to bang on the door melds together with the sound of TK’s rapidly beating heart. Situations like this have arisen in the past, more times than he cares to remember, but the fear it incites in him is always the same. He’s aware that it’s the price he has to pay for his fame, but in times like this, that’s a particularly hard pill for him to swallow.

“I think they’re gone,” Carlos determines after the backroom is once again bathed in silence. His height makes it so that TK can’t even see the door, so TK peeks around him at the offending object. TK’s not sure what he’s expecting to see, but it seems wrong that the nondescript steel door is the reason that he currently has adrenaline coursing through his veins.

“Maybe I should go out there and check.”

It’s instinct that has TK reaching out for Carlos’s forearm before he can walk away. “No.”

Carlos flinches like he’s been hurt and it’s not until TK pulls his hand away that he realizes that’s exactly what happened. There, on Carlos’s forearm, is an angry red mark. “Carlos,” TK whispers just as Carlos turns around to face him. TK is unable to look anywhere but at this new, unfamiliar injury.

“Ouch,” Carlos mutters, lifting his forearm so that he can see the mark more clearly. “Didn’t even realize I did that.”

“How did that happen?”

“That knocking and you jumping out of your seat caught me off guard,” Carlos explains, poking at his arm in a way that TK is sure is only aggravating the wound. “I accidentally lowered my arm onto the oven door. Very hot oven door.” Carlos winces when he touches a particularly sensitive part. “It’s just a burn.”

TK is not at all appreciative of Carlos’s nonchalance. There’s no world where TK is okay with being the cause of Carlos’s pain. He hated it the first time it happened two months into Carlos working for TK and he hates it even more now.

“Where’s the first aid kit?”

Carlos looks up at that, wiping away all traces of his discomfort as he offers TK a warm smile. “You don’t have to do that. I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.” TK takes a step closer to Carlos, to do what, he’s not sure. All he knows is that he has to do something . “Now point me in the direction of where it is before I go out there and ask Judd for it myself.”

The threat works as Carlos points at the corner of the room. TK moves in that direction right away with the knowledge that the sooner the injury is taken care of, the better.

“Sit,” he tells Carlos, resting the first aid kit on the counter and popping it open while Carlos takes a seat. It’s jarring for TK to be taller than Carlos, but TK brushes that off in order to focus on his task - tending to Carlos’s burn.

“You don’t have to do this,” Carlos says, repeating his words from earlier in a much more subdued voice.

“I want to.” Then, because he’s impulsive and still running on an adrenaline high, TK adds, “you always take care of me. Let me take care of you.”

TK only hears Carlos’s sharp intake of breath because of their proximity. He doesn’t comment on it, choosing instead to uncap the silvadene he found in the first aid kit and carefully spread it over Carlos’s burn. He’s almost finished applying the cream when Carlos winces.

“Sorry.” TK stops, giving Carlos an opportunity to pull his arm away. When he doesn’t, TK finishes applying the cream with an even lighter touch than before. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me.”

This time, it’s TK whose breath gets lodged somewhere in his throat. When he chances a glance at Carlos, he finds Carlos’s gaze resting steadily on him. Those brown eyes have seen so much of TK over the years - the good, the bad, and everything in between - and yet they still stare at TK like he’s something precious.

Someone loved .

How has TK never noticed that before?

“Carlos.”

Carlos leans in closer, face only a hair's breadth away from TK’s. His breath fans across TK’s lips and TK would laugh if not for the importance of this moment. Earlier, TK noted that watching Carlos bake was intoxicating. That is nothing in comparison to this.

“Tyler Kennedy.”

It’s the name, his full name, coming from Carlos’s lips for the first time since Carlos began working for TK that pushes TK over the edge. In the past, his tendency to act without thinking has gotten him in hot water, but TK knows without a shadow of a doubt that there are no negative consequences that can come out of kissing Carlos.

Finally.

When their lips meet, it’s everything TK has ever wanted but never knew he needed all rolled up into one. He’s so dizzy with the sheer joy and relief of having Carlos invade every one of his senses that his knees buckle. TK is certain that he would’ve fallen over if not for Carlos wrapping a steady arm around TK’s waist.

Leave it to Carlos to still be taking care of him.

Carlos tilts his head and TK follows suit despite his lungs aching for him to pull back and take a breath. He has waited too long for this to occur to be bothered by his need for something as trivial as air.

He trails his fingers up Carlos’s neck and tugs lightly on the hair there when -

“I thought I told you to come back here and bake, not makeout like a couple of teenagers.” Carlos and TK spring apart in a flash, much to Judd’s amusement. “Didn’t realize that was something I would need to clarify.”

Carlos stares down at his feet, unable to meet his old boss’s gaze. TK has never seen Carlos look this bashful. It’s unfairly adorable.

TK takes pity on Carlos and does what Carlos has done hundreds of times for TK - steps in between him and the thing that’s trying to cause him harm. Or, in this case, embarrassment. “That was my fault.”

“Really? ‘Cuz, last time I checked, it takes two to tango. Or two to play tonsil hockey.”

TK snorts, Carlos gasps in mortification, and Judd laughs.

“As fun as picking on you two is, I came back here for a reason. Follow me.”

Judd turns on his heel, leaving the room and giving TK and Carlos a moment to themselves.

“You okay?”

“Usually I’m the one asking you that,” Carlos comments, some shyness still lingering despite Judd’s exit.

“Well get used to it because I plan to ask you that every day from here on out.”

“Yeah?”

There’s hope shining in Carlos’s eyes and that prompts TK to take his hand while still mindful of his arm and the burn that is now covered in cream. “Yeah.”

“If y’all are still making out back there again-”

“We’re coming,” Carlos yells, the annoyance in his voice not at all matching the genuine smile he directs at TK.

They walk out to the front of the bakery together, temporarily too distracted by each other to take note of anything else. That bubble is quickly broken by the overwhelmingly loud noise that’s barely muffled by the store’s glass door and windows.

“Looks like all of Austin found out that we’ve got ourselves a superstar here.”

Even with all the blinds drawn, TK can tell there are a lot of people standing right outside of the building. This kind of large gathering caused by his presence alone is an inconvenience that TK has yet to adjust to. “I’m so sorry about this,” he apologizes, mentally trying to come up with a solution for their problem. Maybe he can sneak out the back door and draw the crowd away from the bakery?

“What’re you apologizin’ for? All business is good business” All the chattering from outside floats into the store. “I’m thinking we let them in, in a controlled manner of course, but only if it’s something you’re comfortable with doing.”

Judd stares at him expectantly and, at first, TK is at a loss for what the right call is here. It’s not until he feels Carlos squeeze his hand that TK remembers he’s not alone. He never has been, not with Carlos by his side.

“Let’s do it,” TK decides and is surprised to hear a child cheer in response. When he swivels his head to the right, he realizes that the family he and Carlos came across upon first entering the bakery is still here. They have abandoned their table in favor of standing off to the side, out of view of the flashing cameras. “You guys are still here?”

“We didn’t really have any way out,” the brunette responds drily.

“ Eddie ,” the taller man hisses before shooting TK an apologetic smile. “Please ignore my husband, he’s usually better behaved than this.”

“Usually,” the young child echoes. This makes the blond man laugh as he holds out his hand for a high-five. The child readily reciprocates.

“How could you turn on your old man like that, Chris?”

“You and Buck always say that honesty is the best policy.”

The blond, who TK assumes is Buck, barks out a laugh and Eddie struggles not to do the same.

It’s a small exchange but TK can feel the love the small family has for one another.

Maybe one day that can be him and Carlos.

“Anyways, if there’s any way we can be of assistance, let us know.”

Judd shakes his head. “Y’all don’t have to do that.’

“We want to,” Eddie chimes in. “And maybe when all is said and done, our son can get a picture with Mr. Strand.”

“TK,” TK corrects. His father goes by Mr. Strand, not him. “And of course. We can take as many pictures as you guys want and please let me cover your bill from today’s meal. Also, I’d be happy to pay for any extra treats you decide to buy before heading out. I have it on good authority that the red velvet cupcakes here are delicious.”

It’s Carlos who ends up taking the reins and concocts their game plan. He’ll be in the back, baking like his life depends on it while being mindful of not burning himself again. The latter detail is one that TK stressed multiple times. Judd will man the cash register. TK will be set up at a table next to the cash register, greeting people, taking photos and signing autographs. Chris will be sitting nearby TK, there to act as moral support and do things like hand TK a pen and refill his water as needed. And Buck and Eddie will be standing at the front door making sure there are only a certain number of people allowed in the building at a time.

“We’re firefighters so we’ve had to deal with crowd control before,” Buck says after Carlos tells them what they’ll be doing. “We’ve got this.”

Buck and Eddie walk to the front door hand-in-hand, Judd goes to set up TK’s table, and Chris follows. Their dispersal grants Carlos and TK some last-minute privacy.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? I won’t be out here to keep you safe.”

TK tugs on their entwined hands, pulling Carlos closer and wrapping his arms around Carlos’s waist. “I’m sure.”

Leaning in for a kiss shouldn’t already feel as natural as it does.

“Alright, lovebirds.” Judd claps his hands just as he returns to the cash register. “That’s enough. Time to get this show on the road.”

Carlos pulls away reluctantly. “Now that I’ve gotten the chance to kiss you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

“I hope you never do,” TK replies happily as happiness swells in his chest like a balloon.

Waking up in TK’s arms feels like a dream, a dream he’s had many times before but which proves, this time, not to be a dream at all.

Carlos’ hands have a mind of their own it seems as it takes him quite some time to realize he’s tracing mindlessly on TK’s soft skin. He lets his hands do what they will anyway.

“How’s your arm?” TK asks, sleep still clinging to his voice.

“Good,” Carlos whispers back, the moment feels too intimate and precious to speak too loud. “You saved me.”

It’s said a little jokingly but Carlos means it too. TK saves him every day in so many ways and he might never know how much.

“No, you save me. ”

He almost wants to protest but he doesn’t. TK has uttered the words with such sincerity and simplicity that it takes Carlos’ breath away.

Unable to speak, he can only snuggle closer to TK, and as TK caresses the wound on Carlos’ arm with the utmost gentleness, the only burn Carlos is able to feel is that of his own love for this wonderful, impossible man.

“We should get up,” TK says.

“In a minute.”

“You said your mom doesn’t like when people are late. I’m not about to make a bad first impression on my boyfriend’s mom.”

His hands still but his heart beats with renewed enthusiasm and it’s with something akin to awe that he looks up at TK.

“Boyfriend?”

TK, with his hair tousled and his big bright eyes, looks even more handsome than Carlos has ever seen him, and he has always thought TK to be the most handsome man in the world.

“Yes, boyfriend,” TK replies with the softest of smiles. “That’s good with you?”

Carlos smiles widely.

“More than good.”

They share a breathless laugh together and then, without either initiating or maybe both initiating at the same time, they share a slow, loving kiss.

They kiss and they laugh and they kiss some more. Drunk on happiness and TK’s laughter, Carlos has never felt more at peace than he does in that moment.

The two of them have been through so much together – ups and downs and downs again. They have seen each other at their worst and they stayed anyway, not because it’s easy but because they have made the conscious choice to.

They are still here, and though they don’t know it yet, they will be for the rest of their lives.

Carlos and TK will grow old together, will live full lives together, will spend every day of their lives assured in each other’s love.

But they don’t know that yet.

They don’t know they will marry on a stormy summer day and laugh as they and their guests run to get shelter from the sudden rain.

They don’t know that Carlos will hold TK’s hand as Owen Strand tells his son he’s been diagnosed with lung cancer.

They don’t know that TK will turn down a movie that could transform his career into legendary status to stay at Carlos’ side after Carlos has broken his spine.

They don’t know.

Or maybe they do, deep down.

It must be hope.

Until all that comes to pass, they continue laughing and kissing.

Whatever comes will come and they will have each other.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star fic #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #tk x carlos #my writing

14 notes · View notes

shuuen-no-cimory · 4 years

Text

Good Morning, Suou (An Ayakashi Gohan Fanfic)

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Oneshot

Rated: T+

This is a fanfic sets after Suou’s Good Ending in Ayakashi Gohan ~Okawari~. While there is no explicit NSFW, there are some implicit mention of it. Ah this is also my first completed fanfic in english, so I hope the wording isn’t too awkward. Anyway, happy reading!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today is unusually bright.

I can feel light basking onto my face as my eyes flutter open. Ah, what day it is? What time it is? What... is this warm feeling against me?

I focused my eyes and tried to scan my surrounding. Huh, this doesn’t seems like my room, not the one on my flats nor Pompokorin. These aging walls, these tweets of birds and wind rustle, these... scent of someone dear.

As I shifted under the blanket, an arm pulled me into embrace. A face snugs up my chest as the owner grumble, 'more... salmon... please'. His white hair tickled my cheek but it doesn't feels annoying. Instead, it gave me a warm comfort. I feel like I have to wake up but the embrace and that voice lulls me to slumber. Ah, it's the voice that I love, the one who whisper my name under his breathe last night---

Reds creeps up my embarrassed face as the memory resurface. It contrast to his peaceful, pale looks. Yesterday I came back to Momiji Village as I graduated from collage. He was the first person to picked me up on the station. Then we spent our first meeting pleasantly after we had been separated from quite some time, cooking and eating together. When I about to left him, he sulked and asked me to stay with him. And then we-

Ah, geez, this is not the time to think about that! Think... Think about something else-

Oh, that’s right. Today is my first day of work as the village officer. Sure I can’s snuggle up like this all the time or I’ll be late on my first day.

I gently called out to him as I run my finger up his head, "Suoh... Hey, wake up." Low murmur hums on my bare chest, "Mmmm.... Fuuuuu, ahhhh." His hand around me loosen up as he scratch his yes and looks up, his crimson eyes meets my chestnut. "Rin, is it morning already?" "Mhmm, good morning." I cup his cheeks, “Sorry but is it okay if I go now? I have to visit Pompokorin first before I go to the office." He pouts in protest as he snugs closer onto me, "Just a little bit more." "But I-" My words has been cut as he locked my lips softly with a kiss. When he release it, he smiles, "now it's okay. I already get my morning kiss."

H-how sly of him...

After both of us dressed up, we walk side by side while enjoying the fresh breeze of village early morning. The spring wind feels gentle on my skin, way different with the city’s murky and heavy air. In our way, we passed many familiar faces, both human and ayakashis alike. We exchange greetings and occasionally giggled at by them who remarks how lovey-dovey we already are early in the morning. It’s a little embarrassing, to be honest. However, it’s feels up my chest with so much happiness. This place is so much warm, even with less people around it doesn’t feels lonely at all. Ah, how grateful I am to be here again, I wonder how exciting every day life will be. Without noticing it at all, I’. already beaming with smile.

"Looks like you have so much fun, smiling that much in the morning already, " Suou who hold my hand glanced at me for a moment. But as he look the other way, I can see his lips curved a bit, “Not that I dislike it, though.”

Really, this dishonest Suou.

"How about Suou?"

"Ah, yeah," he wave at another passerby, an old man from his workplace. "I think it's pretty noisy because you are here, which honestly..."

He release our hand. It was cold for a moment but as soon I felt that, his finger intertwine with mine, "Make it not really a bad morning."

Time flies and without us noticing,Pompokorin’s building is already in sight. In front of the store, Gin who is busy preparing for the day welcomed us. As I apologize for not telling him that I was staying at Suou’s place for he night, he was quiet for a moment before a cheeky smile spreads on his face.

“Mmmmm, mmmm, I see it now.” He nods in amusement with face of a proud father, “Ah, Rin-chan is really an adult now, isn’t she?”

“Eh?”

What’s with that? D-do I have something in my face? I mean, I haven't been able to wash myself since Suou's home didn't have much water for bathing or showering but I was sure to at least wash myself. When I’m about to ask him what’s wrong, Gin only laughed, “Ah, it’s nothing, it’s nothing you have to worry. Although... Please don’t be too hasty, both of you.”

He looked preety serious before he leave us be. What does that mean? We look at each other but Suou only shrugged, he doesn’t seem that bothered by Gin’s word after all.

Oh, well, I can’t be bothered by it now. As soon I enter the shop, I quickly retrieve my blouse and suit from my room and then go to the bathroom. A quick shower is all I need right now.

After a refreshing shower, now all I have to do is doing my hair and make up. Pick up my neatly folded blouse and suit, I approach the sink. There, the mirror is foggy from the hot shower’s steam so I decided to wipe it with my hand. In the mirror I can see my damp hair and my skin.

Wait, these thing in my neck---

Ah.

Ahhhhhhhh,

AHHHH, T-THIS IS BAD!

Quickly I touched my flushed neck and nape. There is some red spots in it! I-I forgot he did this a lot last night. What should I do? N-no wonder Gin looked weird this morning, was it because of these?! Ughhhhh, now this is just make it more embarrassing!

Alright, I can’t panic now. There’s no way I can wear my blouse today as well because it’ll show my neck clearly. I must pick up a new clothes right now, something that can cover me up. And it’s... ah it’s all in my room right now.

There’s no other way, I have to go to my room to change. Okay, I’ll dress up in my blouse now, quickly goes into my room and change. It’ll be easy so let’s step out now...

"Yo, Rin, morniiiin,"

... Oh no.

As I just about to make my way up, a sleepy Uta descend and now blocked the only way up. "Oh it's U-uta! Morning."

This is bad, I stutter so much. He stops right in front of me, smirked.

"Didn't see you coming today, last night you aren't here too." He giggled as he amusingly stroke his chin. “Hmmmmm could it beeeee....?”

My face burns out as Uta teased me. Ugh, of course he’ll know so there’s no need to tease me so much. i was so prepared for another teases but I was instead greeted with Uta’s cold and worried face.

"Wait a second," he hurriedly get closer to me. With a serious expression, he stares at me intently before rage seethes on his eyes as his gaze lands on my neck.

"Did he do this to you?" his eyes pierced mine. Uta’s arm suddenly secure my upper arm, makes me jolt groggily. I want to answer him but before i can answer, he gripped my arm in mix of fear and anger. "Tell me the truth, did he? Did he hurt you again, Rin?" That eyes... Ah I get it now. Even after four years, Uta hasn't changed. I think he's still wary of Suou after all these year. It can’t be helped after all, he is my guardian. More than that, he is also a family. But I don;t want him to misunderstand it so I try my best to answer it.

While desperately try to hide the red spots with my hand, I smile awkwardly "N-no, Uta, you got it wrong-" I tries to pull myself away from him, "I just get bitten by bugs. Yes, b-bugs!"

He get hold of my wrists, "No, really this looks more like a cat--"

"So noisy..." Our exchange was cut off by another person. Uta’s hold loosen a bit as we both look at the source of that voice. From the third floor, there is Yomi who already sharp dressed with scarf on his hand. With a sigh, he scoffs, "I haven't get out for errands yet and it's already so noisy."

"Here, Yomi, look at Rin!" Uta release me and pulled his twin brother to us, who happen to looks truly as displeased as I am. His face was about to spit something like, 'what did this girl do again, huh?'. He is disinterested, yet hearing Uta’s urgent tone on his voice Yomi decide to go along. As Uta point my neck at him...

He was quiet for a moment, but he loudly chocked with a face turns bright red. I know he want to say something but he was too perplexed. It’s not only you who feel bad in this situation, Yomi!

Finally able to collect his composure, he ask Uta first, "You, tell me what's wrong. Or at least, what do YOU think is wrong."

"So you know Rin hasn't been home last night, right?" Uta crossed his arm, trying to stay calm even if I can tell he is pissed. "I'm sure she was with Suou last night. And look, she came back with some scars on her neck!" He clenches his palm and grits his teeth, "It must be Suou doing! He hurt her again!” rolls his sleeves, he walks away while stomping, losing all his chill. “I swear I'm gonna punch him and--- GHOOOEEEKKK." THUD! Yomi's shin powerfully delved into Uta's side. His face is flushed badly from embarrassment. I-I'm embarrassed too, you know!

"Oi, Yomi, what's that for?!"

Yomi frustratingly knead his forehead, "It is because you are utterly stupid." Uta tries to retort while he hold his stomach, "What?! I'm being serious! I told you he is- OW OW OW."

Seriously frustrated, Yomi desperately tries to shut Uta by giving him yet another shin-to-the-side. It did shut Uta from talking about Suou and instead grunts at Yomi’s sudden attack. However, Yomi doesn’t seems to mid it much as he lends me the scarf on his hand. He give it while trying to look the other way bashfully. "Use this to cover your neck," his ear looks deep red despite his cool demeanor, "at least this can help you a bit." "Are you not done yet, Rin?"

In such moment, the person in question enter the Living Room, impatiently calls out to me. As Suou looks at Yomi's hand on top of mine with scarf in between, I can feel he get discouraged by such sight.

"Hey, gloomy dog, what's up with that?"

”Oh this is just--” before Yomi can answer him, Uta already jump out and about to lash out at Suou.

”YOU SHITTY CAT---!”

“Huh?” Suou instantly shield himself in surprise as Uta approach him.

I desperately tug Uta’s shirt to make him stop, "Uta, I told you it's not---"

"You did that, right?!" Uta stand between us and pointed at my neck, "You hurt her, didn’t you?!" Suou, as if dawned by realization, has his eyes downcast, "Did... Rin told you thath?” He apologetically approach me, “So when you said it hurts, you really were hurt? I told you right to say it so I wouldn’t make you in pain..."

Uta, who shields me won’t let him get any closer. Frustratingly, I pounce his back "N-no! That's not the case...! Ah, Utaaaaaa!"

"Next time I will make sure not to overdo it, okay?" he said, but then with a quiet voice Suou murmur under his breathe, "Ah, but your neck is just too tempting to kiss. Geez, but this is for her sake."

“Eh, huh?” Uta blinked, dumbfounded, “A kiss? What the hell do you mean-”

I can't take this anymore.

I bet my face are already charred right now as i tried to cover my neck and embarrassment. It is beyond burned from all this misunderstood. Yomi already has his face completely covered by his hands and scarf, he can't hold himself as well. Suou grow pale, panicked.

And Uta,

Uta was silent for a moment with jaw hanging. Then, as if he finally pieced everything together,

"K-KISS?? THAT KIND OF KISS?" he screamed on top of his lungs. He was too perplexed that all he says was some gibberish, "THE HELL IS WRONG WITH BOTH OF YOU!?"

Yomi curses as he was readying another jab into Uta, “That’s why I told you, you are truly a braindead.”

Uta, now completely red from the realization, runs away to bathroom, says that he need to cool down his head. Ah... this is truly a disaster. I feel like I want to bury myself from all of this commotion.

When everything already calmed down, Yomi excused himself and apologize for Uta's behavior. It can't be helped after all, and I get why would he did that despite how awkward and embarrassing it turned the whole morning.

Left alone only with Suou, we only awkwardly stand in silence. I told him I’m going to change my outfit with something else to cover my neck. He answer by nood in silence. So as my initial plan, I went into my room and change into a turtleneck and suit.

Even when we walk out to each other workplace, the air was still pretty awkward, I want to break it by talking but I can’t think of anything, I want to tell him that it was all Uta’s misunderstanding, I didn’t told Uta that he hurts me. Yet somehow, it’s a little hard to convey those. And once again, we walk in silence and only talk once we split up. Ah... I just hope I can clear up all that misunderstanding.

At night, Gin decided to hold a party to celebrate my return and also to congratulate my first job. It was a fun party, I manage to meet all my friends from years ago. Manatsu-san as usually playing with Tsuzuri while told me how’s Momiji village while I was gone. Uta and Yomi banters Haginosuke, who just about to claim the position as head priest for Momiji Shrine. Even god was there, sharing sakes with Gin and some other Ayakashis. While me and Suou...

Well, we only sit by each other, still a bit awkward but we melts up a little. We chatted a bit but somehow I can sense that he feels troubled. Is he still minding what happen this morning? Uhh...

Later at that party, I sneaks out with Suou to the porch. The night air is chill and we can hear the party quietly from behind us. We're sitting 5 centimeter apart as we watch the glittery spring sky. We still sit in silence but I know, we have to talk it out.

Yet before I can talk, my right hand was held by his left. Meekly, Suou calls out to me, "Uh, Rin..."

"About this morning, I truly am sorry." he stares at his feet as he said that. "I... just remember one of the old men told me that kind of thing is not something you can tell to people. And- and-" He stutters, holding my hand firmer, “What Uta said... Did I really hurt you last night?”

I released his grip, which make him a bit self-conscious. Then, I cupped his face with my hand just like this morning, "Hey, Suou,"

“You don’t have to worry, okay?”

He was about to protest but I continue, "You know, I was really embarrassed that you said something like that and Uta heard it too."

I pouted at him. When he sees that, he looked like he want to shrink further. So then I smile at him, "But really, it’s just Uta being Uta. He can be a bit overprotective, remember? And it makes him jump into conclusion too quick...”

"Well, he is a noisy dog after all?”

I laughed at his remark, “right?”

Even if I laugh, his eyes still dimmed with fear and sadness. “To be honest though, it did hurts a bit, I’m not used to it after all.”

“But even so, it doesn’t hurt that much when I can wake up beside you in the morning.”

"Rin..."

We locked our gaze, his apologetic expression melts away and blooms into a gentle one; one that is full of love and warmth. He touches my hand on his cheek and seeps the warmth of my hand.

“So please don’t worry about it, ok?” I caress his cheek, I don’t like it when he is worried, it pains me. But even so, I can feel his overflowing love and cares from him with such act. “And I... also love that this morning, Suou become the first person I tell ‘good morning’ to. ” "I love it as well," he touched my cheek in return and softly bumped our forehead, "it makes me want you to always be the first person I see in the morning. To be the one I can say 'good night' to and 'good morning' to every single day." "Mm,” I nooded, “I want you to be the one as well."

"Rin," Our lips meet briefly, left us with a tender feelings. "I love you." "I love you too, Suou." We held each other that night under the star as we share another kiss. -----------------------------------------------------------------

Not only this is my first english fanfic this is also kind of my first romance fanfic ahaha. I hope you all enojoy this piece! I just love this fandom and Suou so much I feel like I had to make this. It’s 2 AM here and I pretty proud of this. Anyway, see you!

#Ayakashi Gohan #Ayakashi Gohan ~Okawari~#Hana Suou #Akane Rin #Suou x Rin #あやかしごはん #あやかしごはん～おかわりっ！～#花蘇芳 #朱音凛

1 note · View note

jxst-saying · 5 years

Note

Omg please make a part two of the social media manager imagine!! It’s so good

A/N: Part two has finally arrived! (I wrote this in a four–part mini–series.) You can request part three here like usual!

[+masterlist]

Part One can be found here! And so can be Part Three! Don’t forget Part Four!

Empty. A city of nearly four million people felt empty. How that was, you weren’t all that sure. But it didn’t feel like your other city, the one that didn’t sleep and had no mercy for those who did. Sure, the sun was warmer and brighter and the people were obnoxiously friendlier. You wouldn’t bother denying any of that. It was a nice thought to have the ocean as close as it was; it was even nicer to sit on the shoreline and watch the waves come in and out and feel the sand in–between your toes. But staring out at the massive expanse of blue and white, you didn’t feel anything but some kind of emptiness.

This wasn’t your home. It wasn’t anything of the sort. You were in the Golden State, but it felt more like Siberia to you.

Your promised promotion wasn’t half bad. After a month and a half, you had finally fallen into a routine of sorts. Six o’clock in the morning was your short run around the neighborhood block. (You had finally found an apartment, and your furniture was said to be on the way.) Seven o’clock in the morning and you were drinking your black coffee (you could leave the Big Apple, but that didn’t mean the Big Apple could leave you). Eight o’clock and you were stuck in traffic on the 405 (whatever that was) headed to the office. Nine o’clock in the morning and you were sitting at your desk with the pretty little gold–embossed title tag that read, “Public Relations Specialist, Y/N.” You still weren’t too sure what that meant, but maybe it didn’t really matter in the end. Maybe it wasn’t really supposed to mean anything. Ten o’clock in the morning through one o’clock in the afternoon would find you filling out paperwork with a view of the Los Angeles skyline behind you. The windows were floor–to–ceiling and let in all the light that the city could find. Your office was perpetually golden. If you didn’t feel locked in this city, the always golden hue might make you happy. But right now, it didn’t make you feel anything because you did feel locked in this city with its 502.7 square miles. One o’clock was lunch. Always. Your assistant (you had an assistant) tended to remind you of that. After lunch and you were back to work until five o’clock in the evening. Most days, you were let loose at 5:00; only on a handful had you stayed past golden hour. To be honest, you didn’t particularly care either way. If you were out of the office by 5:00, you were hitting the worst of the worst traffic no matter what. If you got out later, around 8:00 or 9:00, you were still hitting traffic on the 405 or the 1 (or anywhere, really) but it wasn’t necessarily as bad.

The boys had a week or so left in their Europe trip. It was entirely promotional. None of them knew anything about your own promotion (read: banishment; exile; prison sentence) as of yet. But it was only a matter of time before the executives told them of your speedy departure. This was the longest you had gone without seeing any of them. If you didn’t constantly see photos of them or news of them crossing your desk day–in and day–out, you might have just forgotten what those oceanic eyes looked like or the (now) blindingly red hair or the tattoos that were littered across their skin. Maybe that would have been better. Besides moving to the other side of the country, it felt like you had lost four of your closest friends. Now, you didn’t even know what the five of you were. Past colleagues? Old friends? Best friends? Acquaintances? Nothing? Something More?

The single had released the other week. Turns out the executives’ plan was well–formulated and entirely correct. Without you in the picture, the music was the only thing to focus on. Billboard’s Top 100 Chart seemed to agree, as well. You even received a fruit basket from the executives thanking you for all your “hard work.” You may or may not have immediately thrown it in the trash.

You had never really missed anything or anyone before. Not really, anyways. So, you had no idea what it felt like––all that aching and longing and heartache. But if this is what it felt like … this complete and utter numbness and not–all–thereness and void that you felt that nothing could ever really fill … you never wanted to feel this again. More importantly, you couldn’t feel this again. To go through all of this time after time after time? That wasn’t negotiable. And you missed it all. You missed the hot–dog vendors and coffee carts on the street that knew you by name in your neighborhood; you missed seeing the light of sunset glinting off the Empire State building; you missed the way your apartment always smelled like patchouli no matter how many air fresheners you used; you missed coming home late at night to find your door already unlocked and a gangly boy (man?) with oceanic eyes sitting on the couch in your living room. How was there any space in that heart of yours for all of this missing?

And sitting in your office just now with the Los Angeles skyline behind you and the desert fanning out even beyond that, you had never felt more missing or more alone.

On the other side of the globe, the situation wasn’t that much different. (At least, not with a certain band front–man named Luke.) They were in Rome for the weekend––La Città dell’Amore. But to Luke, it was just another city. Another place without you in it. A little over a month and a half without seeing any sort of vision of you and it felt like some kind of earthly hell. The melody of your (slightly obnoxious) laugher was better than any tarantella; your eyes were brighter than the Roman sun; and your crooked smile was warmer than the Mediterranean Sea. However, these were all things he had to keep to himself; in some way, they were things he had always been keeping to himself.

The Roman sun was just beginning to set. A bead of sweat was falling down the nape of his neck in between his scapula. Luke didn’t even notice as he walked past La Fontana di Trevi. He wasn’t noticing anymore. Everything was a kind of blur, like when you’re driving on the highway and the lights are speeding away too quickly and bleeding together into one continuous stream of light.

Unlike you, Luke was more focused than anything on the rumors about the two of you. (Well, now, the blatant lack thereof.) He remembered all the photos, all the memories, all the times spent with you. Each and every one. And maybe that was his own personal curse, some kind of karmic retribution for an err in a past life. But standing there in that historical and ancient and miraculous city and all he could think about was you. But it wasn’t anything romantic. No. Of course not. You were just his best friend. Hell, you were their social media manager! He was just used to having you around; that was all. Really.

So, yeah. He noticed when the rumors careened to a complete stop like they had never existed. Seemingly overnight, any and all mention of you anywhere vanished without a trace. Zilch. Nada. Only a couple fans noticed your disappearance from the crew of the four boys. (Luke, included.) What was even odder than your farewell at JFK was your near radio silence since. No personal social media usage, no phone calls or texts, not even a postcard with that ever–so cliché wish you were here.

It took Luke another forty–three minutes to traipse his way back to their hotel off La Piazza Barberini but only another minute after that for the other three boys to open their mouths in rapid–fire questions.

“Did you know that Y/N moved to Los Angeles?” Calum.

“Speaking of Y/N, why isn’t she here? She’s our social media manager. Isn’t this literally her job?” Michael.

“I called her apartment and office in NYC and she wasn’t at either. The person who answered her phone at the office didn’t even know who I was calling for. Luke, where is she?” Ashton.

Luke collapsed onto the bed. NYC was their city; how could she just up and leave and head to a city that was the complete opposite? He knew the streets of her neighborhood and that apartment better than even his own. She couldn’t just leave like that––not without a goodbye to him, to that apartment, to that city, to their memories. “I didn’t know anything.”

“Is she even our social media manager anymore? You said she wasn’t at her office or apartment. And she moved,” Michael asked Ashton.

Luke shrugged his shoulders.

“Come on,” Calum egged. “Everyone thought the two of you were dating. Hell, even we did sometimes! Did you really not know any of this?”

Yes, he really didn’t know any of this. He really didn’t know that the last night he spent in that apartment would be his last. Forever. He really didn’t know that the last time they couldn’t sleep at four in the morning and went to Central Park for a breakfast picnic was The Last Time. He really didn’t know that everything with you in that city of yours (of the two of yours) was going to be The Last Time.

“Have you––have you talked to her? Lately?” Michael asked tentatively, his words cautious.

“No.”

“Don’t you think you should? I don’t know, maybe see if she’s alright? Why she moved, maybe?” Ashton.

“Moving takes time. She probably just wants some space to figure it all out. That’s probably what she’s doing: figuring it out,” Luke answered. An excuse, that was all it was. Just something to delay the inevitable.

And that was definitely what it was: Inevitable. Because that night when Michael, Calum, and Ashton had long since fallen asleep (he could hear their snores), Luke pulled his phone out from underneath his pillow and opened the long since used text message conversation with you.

To: Luke Hemmings

if you don’t delete that last tweet of urs i swear to GOD i’ll drop kick your ass onto the tarmac

A small smile curled onto his face at the memory. But that text was written nearly two months ago at this point and all that was left between you both now was the distance from Rome to NYC and then the newly added distance of NYC to LAX.

His fingers hovered over the keyboard of the cellphone. All it took was something like hi, right? Any baby step. Just one. That was all he needed.

Actually, no. What he needed was to be told why she left their city. That was what he needed.

To: Y/N

heard u left the big apple how u gonna do ur job now

It wasn’t long before his phone lit up in the dead of night with a response.

To: Luke Hemmings

It’s 1:14 in the morning for you. Go to bed. Get some sleep. You have meetings in the morning.

To: Y/N

answer my question

To: Luke Hemmings

Yes, I moved to L.A. I’m about to go into a meeting. I’ll talk to you later. Go to sleep.

There was something different in your tone. Something more professional, distancing. Something that definitely did not sound anything like the Y/N that Luke knew. The girl was texting him now was not the same girl that he left behind at JFK a couple months ago; this version of you was a stranger. And that was a thought that haunted both his dreams and nightmares, waking or otherwise.

The minutes ticked by at a glacial pace until he looked at the red numbers on the clock at the bedside and discovered that it was only 2:09 in the morning. It hadn’t even been one hour. A long night, that was what it was going to be. And maybe that was what gave Luke the initiative (read: desperation) to call your number at obscene hours in the morning for him but just the beginning hours of the evening for you.

The phone rang four times before you answered.

“Go to sleep,” were the first words out of your mouth.

“I thought you were going into a meeting.”

“It got cancelled.”

“There was no meeting, was there? Y/N, what’s going on? You’re not here with us; you apparently moved out of NYC; you don’t even work at that office anymore; you’re in LA. What is going on with you? You tell me everything, and all of a sudden, I’m getting nothing from you? What’s that all about?”

He could hear you sigh through the phone. It was the frustrated one, the kind that you used to give when you had to repeat your Chinese food order five times over the phone because the sixteen–year–old taking the orders was too busy flirting with her boyfriend across the counter. “It’s really not important, Luke. I just had a change in careers. I’m still working for the same firm, just at their Los Angeles headquarters. It’s not a big deal. You’ll be getting a new social media manager, and they’ll be taking over for me.”

“What is going on?” Luke asked again. You weren’t answering any of his questions; you weren’t helping him understand anything. You were still the stranger that he didn’t know.

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Luke. Trust me. This is better for the band in the long run. Your music streams and sales have been up nearly 93%, and your promotional events over in Europe seem to be doing just the trick. This is good, Luke. If it’s good for the band, it’s good for you.”

But that wasn’t the case. That wasn’t any sort of Truth at all. What was good for the band in any sort of PR sense, if it broke the two of you apart, was not good for him. How could you even think that? Luke didn’t understand how you could go from that old farewell at JFK to this cold–as–ice behavior that he was getting from you now. He remembered it much too clearly. Leaving you just before the first security checkpoint of JFK. It was more painful than the others. Not terribly so, but just enough. There was some sort of look in your eye, something he hadn’t seen before and something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Your mouth opened just a fraction of an inch, enough for Luke to think you were going to say something. But no words came out and the two of you were left in the silence with Calum yelling out in the distance for Luke to “hurry up and get his ass in line.” So, he left you with the haphazard and friendly farewell of see you later, alligator and you responded with a sort of forlorn smile, the kind that has some sadness lingering behind it or a secret or two, and in a while, crocodile. He turned around, then, grabbing his suitcase and duffle bag and walked back toward his bandmates in line. But six steps in the line and he was turning back around to take one last look at you, something to memorize and store at the back of his memory. This was a first of sorts. You weren’t coming along with them. You were staying behind. And in Luke’s mind, he was leaving you behind; right now, that felt a lot more painful than he thought it ever would.

With that memory in mind, Luke spoke his own truth before he could lose his nerve and before he could accept whatever it was you were telling him. “You don’t really think that, right? That whatever’s good for those guys in suits and their profit margins is good for me is good for the band? There’s no way you genuinely think that’s the truth, right? Y/N, it’s different without you here. It isn’t the same. I don’t … I don’t like it. I don’t like you there and me here.”

“You land in JFK in a few days. You’ll be fine and stateside then. Enjoy your last few days in Italy. La città è bellisima––”

“Y/N, you don’t––you don’t get it! It’s not the same without you here. I don’t know how many different ways I can say that! It’s not the same without you here. You need to be here; not some other social media manager, not anyone else. Just you. Is this because of all the rumors about the two of us?” (Maybe his heart fell a little at that possibility.) “Because if it is, they’re a non–issue now. No one’s talking about us anymore. It’s really not that big of a deal. Just––if it’s that, if it’s because of the rumors, then tell me. I didn’t think they were really getting to you that much, but if that’s what this is––”

“I took care of the rumors, Luke. I did. That’s why they’re all gone. I’m in Los Angeles because they’re all gone. For your music, for your band, for you—that’s what I did. That’s what I had to do. I know the rumors are a non–issue, Luke. I know because I made them a non–issue.”

For once, Luke had nothing to say.

And then you sighed again. That same one. The frustrated one. Maybe mixed with a little sadness this time. “Luke, I really have to go. I have a meeting. You have to get some sleep.”

Click.

REQUEST PART THREE!

83 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

Text

Do you feel comfortable wearing tube tops? Noooo. You’ll never see me in a tube top. I don’t even wear tank tops. Has something someone said today annoyed you? Not so far, ha. I haven’t interacted with anyone, yet. It’s only 4:33AM. Can you hear the crickets chirping at night? No. Do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites? I like new music, but I do love listening to my good ol’ favorites. I have a playlist that consists of a variety of music, new and old, from various genres and decades, that I just click shuffle and listen. So far, where have you been on vacation? I haven’t gone anywhere this year, yet.

Did you ever feel that there was something you couldn't tell anyone? Yep. Old stuff and ongoing, current stuff. Do you tend to gossip, even if you don't mean it to cause harm? It does happen. I’ll see something on social media about someone I know and tell my mom or brother. Family gossip stuff. Not to talk shit, but it’ll be like, “omg did you see what so and so posted/did/whatever.” Or like if someone is pregnant or broke up or whatever. My main gossip is celebrity stuff, though. ha. When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? I don’t recall. It’s been a long time, thankfully. Have you ever gotten your hair permed? No. Do you have a pair of sunglasses that are worth over $200? I don’t have any sunglasses. I don’t wear ‘em, but if I did I sure wouldn’t spend that much. Not anywhere close. Would you ever go on a trip to Europe? Absolutely. I’d love to. There’s so many places I’d love to visit. Are you brave when it comes to trying new foods? Nopeee. I have the same few foods I rotate between. It’s a small list. When was the last time you saw your significant other? I’m single. Is there a friend that you can always go to for advice? I can go to my mom. Have you ever been to a town/place where the people were just creepy? No. Ew, I hope I never go somewhere like that. What's the fastest you've ever driven in a car? I’ve never driven a car. If you see a piano, are you tempted to go over and play a little something? I would. Especially because it’s been over 10 years since I last played. Is there someone you know who bakes amazing sweets? Yeah. Are you ashamed of your singing voice? I can’t sing for shit, but it doesn’t stop me from singing to myself or around my family. I try to sound as decent as I can, ha. I’m not like those people on American Idol they show that can’t sing well at all, but they think they can and they’re just on there wailing. lol. Has anyone teased you with the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" song? Yeah. Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? No. That would be weird. What time is it where you are? 4:45AM. Do you have anything important to do tomorrow? I have my Bible study stuff. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair? Yeah, when I was a kid we had one. If you own a laptop, do you have a case for it? I do. What was the last movie you purchased on DVD? I don’t even remember. I haven’t bought a physical DVD in yearssss. Are you a fan of retro things? Yeah. Do you do your own laundry? No. I need help with that, which my mom does. Have you ever used pastels? Yes. Is there a song you're listening to at the moment? No. Would you be considered to be knowledgeable about World War 2? Not really. Have you ever been in possession of a hundred dollar bill? Yes. Is there one food you cannot give up, even though you know it's unhealthy? I don’t eat healthy at all, but the worst thing I eat is probably ramen. I love it, though. Will you bother having a party for your next birthday? Nah, I’m old. I just like doing something lowkey with my parents and brother. Although, last year my aunt and cousin came over for a game night and cheesecake for my birthday and that was fun. I’d be up for that again. If you're with someone right now, do you think it will last? Who was the last person you flipped off? I have no idea. That’s not something I really do. Like, ever. Do you currently have a job? No. What was the last movie that was unable to capture your interest? Hmm. I don’t remember. Have you heard of the Irish actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers? The name rings a bell. Do you have something to do, that you would rather not do? There’s a few things. Are you, in any way, feeling hopeless right now? I’ve felt that way for a long time. Is there someone you just need to call and talk to? No. I don’t like talking on the phone. Are you one of those people who can eat anything and not gain a pound? Yes. I used to like that about myself, but it’s a problem for me, currently. These past few years I’ve lost weight due to health stuff and as someone who was already thin...yeah, not good. It’s caused problems for me. Are you nails painted at the moment? No. It’s been a few years since I’ve painted my nails. Is there a song you've been listening to lately on repeat? There’s a few songs lately that I always like to listen when listening to music. I just hit shuffle on my playlist, but there’s a few I like to just add to queue to make sure they come up. Lately, it’s been a couple Billie Eilish songs. Do you know who you're planning to ask to your grad prom? I’m 30 years old. I did go to prom; though, but I didn’t have a date. I just went with friends. When was the last time you went shopping? A few weeks ago. Is there anyone who did something absolutely hilarious today? Not so far. Again, it’s really early and I haven’t interacted with anyone, yet. Are you having one of those days where you feel unattractive? “one of those days” is everyday for me, old sport. I feel unattractive and I am unattractive. Do you like hot dogs? No. Do you ever get bored of your music collection and get new songs? I like to check out new music and add it to my playlist to add to the rotation, but I love my old stuff, too. Have you ever bought a designer purse? I’ve been gifted one. What's the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? I’d say like $30. I mean, I’d obviously prefer cheaper if I can find a good sale or have a good coupon, but if not then yeah about $30. Would you ever like to see the Walk of Fame? Sure. Is it currently humid where you are? No. Have you been in any sort of physical pain today? Of course. Have you ever heard of the German movie Das Boot? Nope. Who were the last people you hung out with? My mom and brother. Has someone ever called you "obnoxious"? Not that I’m aware of. Most commonly, do you obey rules, or break them? I’m more of a rule follower. Do you like making funny faces in pictures? Nah. Is there something you look back on and go "I can't believe I did that"? A lot of things... Are you good at offering advice? I think I used to be. At least, my friends seemed to think so since I was the one they always came to for advice. I wouldn’t say I am now, though. No one should ask me anything. When was the last time you had to resort to a map? I just use Google Maps if I need directions. I’ve never used an actual map. Your significant other: have you told them you love them lately? What was the last thing to confuse you? Life. How many different colors have you dyed your hair? 3. Do you know someone who always spells "bored" like "board"? No. Are you wearing make up right now? No. I haven’t worn makeup in over a year. Is there a phrase that you use a lot? Words and phrases, yeah. Are you old enough to vote? I’ve been old enough to vote for over 10 years now. Do you have a favorite pair of earrings? Yes, the rose gold Minnie Mouse earrings I got for Christmas. Have you ever been to Disneyworld/Disneyland? I’ve been to Disneyland a few times. Have you dated someone more than twice? Not more than twice, but twice. Are you a fan of Keira Knightley? I’m indifferent. Have you ever resorted to alcohol to make you feel better? It never helped. Maybe briefly, but it was always short lived. Do you own a full-length mirror? Yeah. Do you ever go on PerezHilton.com to get all the celeb gossip? I see his tweets. Have you heard about Mel Gibson's rant/freakout? Yeah. That was ages ago. Do you wish your bedroom was bigger? Yes, that would be nice. My room is quite small and I have too much stuff. Are you aware of the significance of the date April 14th, 1912? I am, actually. Do you ever just lay back and watch the stars? No. Lately have you had much time to relax? You would think so since I spend majority of my time at home in bed. I wouldn’t call it relaxing, though. Not for me. I have health stuff, physically and mentally, and feel like crap, so. Did anything important/changing happen to you in March 2009? That was over 10 years ago, I don’t remember. I guess nothing that important happened. Nothing memorable, at least. Have you ever felt like a "new person"? Yes, but not in a good way. These past few years have changed me and not for the better. Do you own any expensive jewelry? Yes. What size is your TV? 32 inch, I think. Do you occasionally creep on people on Facebook? Nah. I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook and what little time I do spend I’m just scrolling through my feed “liking” stuff and sharing an occasional post. I won’t say that I’ve never done that, though. ha. Who hasn’t. Has there been someone in your life that just wouldn't leave you alone? Yeah, in the past. Do you hate to use public bathrooms? Yes. I very rarely do. Do you find most remixes of songs to be good or bad? It really just depends. I’ve heard good ones and I’ve heard shitty ones. There have been some I liked better than the original. Write something to someone who means a lot to you: Nah. I’ll just say goodnight!

#personal #text #survey #surveys

5 notes · View notes

thecomedybureau · 5 years

Text

The 100 Best Things in Comedy We Were Witness to In No Particular Order of 2019

OK, 2019′s officially over and we’ve wrangled our 100 truly favorite things in and around comedy (and it really spans all of comedy) that are not ranked whatsoever. It’s just like the title says and, it’s, as it is every year, quite long, so we won’t waste any more time with this intro.

Oh, in case you forgot and/or curious and/or need a quick refresher, here’s our 2018 list.

1. Rory Scovel Live Without Fear-This documentary follows Rory Scovel and his journey through six nights of completely improvised hour sets. In a single word, it’s inspiring. You see the way Scovel truly connects the audience and keeps it that way through his indelible charm and endless curiosity. The near unbelievable story of the Relapse Theater in Atlanta is also beautifully threaded in the doc as well. The clips of the improvised performances capture the magic that stand-up comedy can be that’s absent from the majority of comedy specials. You should be required to see this whenever and wherever it comes if you have any level of interest in comedy at all.

2. Naomi Ekperigin-From her own stand-up, to her podcast with husband Andy Beckerman, Couples Therapy, and her writing across TV, and everything else she does, Naomi is such an thoroughly commanding, yet delightful presence that we love seeing every time anywhere (and she should already be way bigger of a star already).

3. Cait Raft’s Presentation on “Bradley Cooper’s a Star Is Born Takes Place in an Alternate Reality Where 9/11 Never Happened”-Witnessing the imagination of Cait Raft up close was a privilege for us. This amazing dissection of the zeitgeist left us in stitches and with our mouth agape for how thoroughly it proved its point.

4. Corporate Season 2-The second season of the ultra dark workplace comedy delivered once again on its hysterical nihilistic satire that’s so prescient, yet still so unbelievably funny.

5. Mom-Prov Presents Family Therapy-Improviser Izzy Roland was daring enough to have her mom and her grandmother, both of whom are also in showbiz, to join her on stage for one of the most madcap, fourth wall-breaking, entertaining improv shows we’ve seen all throughout 2019.

6. Jena Friedman-So, this year, Jena delivered yet again with her subtle delivery and calm demeanor that hides her absolutely killer jokes. The follow-up to her Adult Swim special, Soft Focus, upped the ante with an interview of a gun-toting John McAffee and her brilliant Conan set about everyone’s true crime obsession.

7. Brendon Walsh’s Afternoon Delight-This last year, Brendon Walsh let everyone know that he was and still is one of the best at pulling prank calls, which is so much harder now than it was even ten years ago. This live show actually has Brendon place live prank calls in between stand-ups and the ride you go on is absolutely thrilling.

8. Jacqueline Novak’s Get on Your Knees-Novak’s solo show has more than earned its spot as an Off-Broadway show with bringing such an exquisite, almost never before seen comedic sensibility to the topic of blow jobs.

9. #F*ckF*ckJerry-Props to Vulture Senior Editor Megh Wright for sparking the fire to take out the egregious social media accounts of F*ck Jerry that just lifted jokes from comedians all across the Internet without pay or attribution.

10. Lorelei Ramirez-We’ve known distantly about Lorelei Ramirez for so many years, but seeing them up close was a breathtaking experience that had us laughing so hard. Their artistry in comedy that gracefully borders on performance art and even horror is absolutely inspiring.

11. Aaron Urist-Denver’s Aaron Urist is such a killer joke writer and joke teller and has been for years. We just were reminded about that with his burning bush joke during his latest LA trip.

12. Booksmart-Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut was not only a reinvigorated take on movies that specifically hone in on the end of high school, but also had a sincerely hopeful vision of the future generation. We hope that Booksmart finds its way to the top of the coming-of-age comedy films pantheon.

13. Rachel Mac on Lights Out-One of the highlights of Lights Out with David Spade is how unfiltered and raunchy they let comics get during their sets on the show. Rachel Mac took that amount of comedic license and thrived in getting into the nitty gritty about her last teaching job.

14. What We Do In The Shadows-The FX TV adaptation of the seminal Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement film in 2014 exceedingly succeeds in nailing the comedy of minutia in the world of the undead that also happens to be in a (somewhat) grounded reality.

15. PEN15-Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s vision of 2000 and their performances as teens were so spot on that PEN15 would deserve acclaim just for that. However, the heart of this show made its humor stand out in an ever crowded field of coming-of-age comedy.

16. Tiffany Haddish’s Black Mitzvah-A lot has happened for Tiffany Haddish since her last special (she’s a legit A-list celebrity now), but it’s clear that she is still her unapologetically positively, life loving self. This special is evidence of that, especially with her bit about her New Year’s show that she got undeserved flack for.

17. Straw Men-Lindsay Adams, Danny Palumbo, and Sam Wiles (and producer Kimmie Lucas) put on what is our favorite imagining of a comedic debate that we’ve seen thus far. The encouragement to make the most ridiculous, baseless arguments and being transparent about the whole thing is a golden goose of comedy.

18. The ending of Gloria Bell-Well, we can’t very well give away the ending to this English language dramedy remake from Sebastián Lelio that has Julianne Moore shine as bright as she has ever shone before, but just know that we stood out of our seats, applauding what she did to John Turturro right at the end.

19. I Think You Should Leave-Tim Robinson’s unflinchingly absurd sketch series unequivocally has many of the best sketches of 2019. The hot dog costume and Mexican restaurant sketches will have us busting up through, very likely, the next decade.

20. Les Miz and Friends-Bonkers (and we mean that in the best way possible) doesn’t begin to describe how wild this meta and great this puppet and human hybrid take on the theater institution of Les Miserables. The sheer cleverness on every level is awe-inspiring.

21. Dave Ross’ The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex-Ross has been a longtime favorite of ours for the contrasting bounciness and darkness of his comedy. His debut album captures this dichotomy perfectly.

22. Nikki Glaser: Bangin’-Nikki Glaser’s first Netflix hour special started off with a bang, pun intended. Her frank, but heartfelt exploration of all facets of sex is so damn funny that Glaser gets away with being as blue as she wants.

23. Super Dating Simulator-This live, interactive version of various Japanese video game dating simulators is one of the more innovative and surprisingly charming things we saw this year. Creator Sam Weller did a bang-up job not only making a video game work as a stage show, but doing so with a very off-beat sub-genre of video games

24. Emmy Blotnick’s Party Nights-Blotnick’s latest album shows Emmy at the peak of her delightful observational powers. The concept of a “Self-Potato” is just priceless.

25. Tammercise!-Folks in comedy are getting all sorts of clever these days to redefine traditional formats and disciplines and push the art form forward. Madeline Wager does this exquisitely with a solo show of a woman unraveling that doubles as legit aerobics class.

26. The Cherry Orchard w/Chad Damiani and Jet Eveleth-Damiani and Eveleth explore a new angle on postmodern clowning by supposedly doing a Chekov play going through dress rehearsal without any of the players knowing what they’re supposed to do. The back and forth between the live direction and the tomfoolery on stage is truly hysterical.

27. Bake Stuff with Lindsay LIVE-It’s about time for a comedic cooking show that actually does teach you a wonderful recipe and also explores and resolves(?) childhood trauma. Lindsay Adams’ Bake Stuff with Lindsay, which we indeed saw live, accomplishes all of that and inspires all those watching to cook through their feelings.

28. Shalewa Sharpe’s So, You Just Out Here?-Shalewa imbues homespun wisdom with marvelously colorful descriptions all throughout this very satisfying album.

29. The Amazing Johnathan Documentary from Ben Berman-The Amazing Johnathan’s life story is pretty captivating as is. The story about Ben Berman trying to tell his story amidst several other people trying to tell his story is absolutely engrossing and is somehow all true.

30. Julio Torres’ HBO special “My Favorite Shapes”-Torres’ special is simultaneously one of the most daring and silly hour specials in recent memory and his elevation of prop comedy to a whole new level is to be commended.

31. The Underculture with James Adomian-James Adomian has been one of comedy podcasts’ most in-demand and bright shining stars. It comes as no surprise that his own podcast that revs up all his characters has some of the best, most dynamic, absurdist interviews in political and pop culture satire.

32. Daniel Van Kirk’s Thanks Diane/Together Tour-Van Kirk’s first, complete hour that he both toured with and released as an album is so impressive with how deftly Dan manages a balance of sincerity and mischief from wire-to-wire.

33. Conan in Greenland-Conan marvelously turns his travel specials series Conan Without Borders on its head by attempting to buy Greenland based off of Trump’s stupid tweets.

34. Mary Beth Barone’s Drag His Ass: A F*ckboy Treatment Program-Mary Beth Barone’s live show exploration into her dating life is illuminating and hilarious throughout, but the actual interview that she does live with a “f*ckboy” is transcendent.

35. Obvious Plant’s Carnival of Toys-Jeff Wysaski AKA Obvious Plant really outdid himself this year in his quest to permeate everyday reality with a satirical twist. He not only made a whole line of custom toy figures that satirize pop culture on so many levels, but opened up a whole pop-up museum for several days to exhibit them in all of their bizarre glory.

36. Sports Without Equipment with Coach Keith Alejo-This Dress Up Gang sketch is one of those ideas that are simple, yet so out-of-left-field. Literally, they take sports without equipment to its funniest conclusion.

37. #Squatmelt-Howard Kremer’s desire to keep the spirit of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail alive has evolved into its own very special thing in the form of a DIY stand-up comedy show/walking tour that periodically migrates around LA.

38. Catch-22-Trying to adapt such a monumental literary work like Catch-22 is almost a fool’s errand, but writers Luke Davies and David Michôd do a smash-up job for not only bringing Heller’s immortal words to life, but also sticking the landing for all the darkly absurdly comical moments that run rampant throughout the story.

39. Get Rich Nick-Even if they didn’t have the fantastic banter, riffs, and asides from the very funny duo of Nick Turner and Nick Vatterott, this podcast that explores how to make money real quick is one of the best new podcasts of the whole year. Fortunately, Nick and Nick’s humor runs rampant through every episode and makes Get Rich Nick engrossing and makes you actually laugh out loud.

40. MK Paulsen-The comedy of MK Paulsen can be faster than a bullet, but as satisfyingly silly as a gun that shoots a flag with the word ‘bang’ on it. Every time we see him do stand-up, it’s a fun, rollicking ride that’s equal parts offbeat whimsy, clever wordplay, and an agile sense of timing and play.

41. Father Figurine by Matt Kazman-The dour faces of the family in this dark comedy short play to the highest comedic effect perfectly. A dead patriarch and an apathetic family make for some of the best dry humor in 2019.

42. Funk Shuffle-Danny Cymbal, Dennis Curlett, and Michael Gardner comprise Funk Shuffle, an improv group that manages fly freer and more untethered than almost any other improv group that we’ve ever seen. They make their defiance and experimentation with improv forms really work due to the trio’s unflinchingly playful spirit.

43. Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh-Gulman, as one of comedy’s premier craftsman, of course, delivers an hour of stellar comedy with this special. He also manages, this time around, to destigmatize depression and, in general, be hopeful. That particular comedy trifecta is such an impressive feat that very few can accomplish.

44. Greener Grass-The scope and ambition of Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s directorial debut hints at some really special things to come from them in the future. Their absolutely demented, pastel drenched absurdist vision was a shocking delight through and through.

45. Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright-Slate’s best comedic strength is her unshakeable vulnerability. This hour special lets Jenny present that trait as intimately as she has ever presented it and gives an in-depth look as to where that hilarious vulnerability comes from.

46. Heather Anne Campbell swatting a baby out of someone’s hands in an improv scene-At this point, it should come as no surprise that Heather Anne Campbell is one of our absolute all-time favorite people in comedy and thus, she kind of just ends up making it on this list annually on her own someway, somehow. This year, during a performance of her improv group, Heather and Company, we laughed as hard as we’ve ever laughed at Drew DiFonzo Marks initiating a scene by rocking a baby back and forth and then, Heather insanely swatted it out of his hands and stomped on it. It sounds ludicrous, but trust that Heather made that so unbelievably funny.

47. Adam Cayton-Holland’s Happy Place-Cayton-Holland’s live solo show based on his critically acclaimed book of the same name pulls off oscillating between cleverly wrought and self-aware comedy and some of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever hear about his late sister. Holland’s focus and calm make it all miraculously blend together.

48. The Authorized Unauthorized My Favorite Murder Musical-In the world of unauthorized musicals about things that you wouldn’t really think about being adapted into unauthorized musicals (it’s a bigger ever-burgeoning world every month it seems), the staged reading of this My Favorite Murder-inspired musical that we saw was phenomenal. The full stage production to come in 2020 will undoubtedly be something really great.

49. Pedro Gonzalez-Pedro’s jokes are so expertly written and crafted that you forget that he immigrated to America as a teenager from Colombia and learned English as a second language.

50. Garry Starr Performs Everything-UK comedian Garry Starr’s solo show is a genius send-up and celebration of theater as a whole. The physicality and the sheer madness of the whole show are so thoroughly hysterical.

51. Kira Soltanovich-We just want to take a moment to appreciate the agility of the comedy of Kira Soltanovich. Not only does Kira play any room or any show as far as we’ve seen, but her drive is just unstoppable (see ep. of The Honey Dew).

52. Mike Birbiglia’s The New One-Though it seems almost too routine that Birbiglia comes out with a new hour special that garners tons of acclaim for its ornate and complex and, ultimately, very satisfying tapestry of stories, Birbiglia delivers exactly once again with one such solo show/special on fatherhood.

53. Michelle Buteau-We saw Michelle headline just a few months ago at Dynasty Typewriter and were reminded of just how good Buteau is. She combines being heartfelt, having a fun bit of attitude, and an absolute command of the stage in such a beautiful way.

54. Gareth Reynolds’ Riddled with Disease-Many folks know how great Gareth is from his madcap riffing on The Dollop, but Reynolds shows he is fantastic with a sharp, hilarious, yet still fast-and-loose-feeling hour.

55. Sara Schaefer’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE-Sara, above most folks working in comedy today, goes to great lengths to be considerate, inclusive, and vulnerable in her comedy and it’s so, so wonderful because of that. This album is yet another great example of that mix.

56. Sean Patton’s Scuttlebutt-Sean Patton’s latest album is a fantastic note to any and all that Sean is, hands down, one of the best comedians ever to spin a yarn (and also share some damn fine true stories) and deserves way more accolade and attention for that now and going forward.

57. Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas?-Rogers had quite a 2019 in putting culture on notice, but his queer and subversive holiday musical extravaganza might be one of the best pieces of holiday themed comedy of all time.

58. The Chris Gethard Show with Robby Hoffman-Not only does Robby Hoffman keep the punk rock, conventions-be-damned spirit of TCGS alive, but she makes it so much her own and lets her hilarious, domineering persona transform the show into another very special, unique round of controlled chaos.

59. The taping of Eddie Pepitone’s latest special-Eddie’s sound and fury and his irreverent stream-of-consciousness-seeming comedy were flawless in this latest hour. Everyone in attendance, including ourselves, were in stitches for the whole taping. Props to director Steven Feinartz for one of our favorite looks of a special that we saw last year (which you’ll all get to see soon in 2020).

60. Eric Dadourian’s closer on Nebraska 2-Dadourian is always all in for the sake of a real bold, imaginative bit and, as such, pulled off one of our favorite closers of the year on his very first full length album.

61. Jessica Kirson: Talking to Myself-Kirson’s hour special on Comedy Central really let Jessica cut loose and let her showcase her stand-up expertise. From the way that Kirson contorts her face to her deep well of voices/characters to razor-sharp quick wit to, of course, her signature asides to herself, Jessica really kills it in this hour.

62. Brody Stevens-Long live the “jock doing performance art” comedy (one of our favorite descriptions of Brody’s comedy by his dear friend Zach Galifianakis) and may he rest in peace. Yeeeees! Enjoy It!

63. Byron Bowers on Colbert-Byron Bowers and his clever, yet sincere, dark, vulnerable comedy put up one of our favorite late night sets this year. From the opening to his frank jokes about his dad make us think that it’s just a little crazy that this is his network TV debut.

64. Desus and Mero on Showtime-With the upgrade of being on Showtime, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are having the most fun in late night with the freshest voices and format (and they’re able to pull that off with only being twice a week).

65. Fleabag Season 2-creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge assuredly has more masterpieces ahead of her, but managing to top herself from one masterpiece season of dark romantic dramedy with another one is something that deserves all the accolades and awards that it has gotten.

66. Kenny DeForest on Corden-Kenny dismantles toxic masculinity so incisively through the whole set that he most certainly earns all the applause breaks he gets the whole way through.

67. Josh Gondelman’s Dancing on a Weeknight-Gondelman is often thought of as one of the best, sweetest people in comedy. This latest album, for all of its being clever and genuine, is proof that he indeed really is that sweet and funny.

68. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3-The perennial prestige comedy from Amy Sherman-Palladino earns its keep by having some of the best writing (it’s almost impossible to write jokes that are contextualized for the 50s/60s and make them actually funny for 2019 audiences) and also being one of the most gorgeous looking shows in all of television.

69. Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans-Whether it be pulling pranks on Twitter, their plethora of hysterical sketches doing an impression of Jack FM on shows around town, or their monthly live sketch character showcase Atlantic City, Nick and Brad are a damn fine comedy duo and have been for quite some time.

70. Caitlin Gill’s Major-It’s quite the magic trick to make an hour of comedy that’s entirely clean and have it being clean not be a thought that you’re thinking about at all when listening or watching it. Caitlin Gill spectacularly does just that with this album as Gill can make all of her earnest rants, imagery, and observations work in any way that she needs to.

71. 97.9 The Rat Race-Ben Roy’s satirical reimagining of a morning radio “zoo crew” is so spot on, then gets real twisted to make this one of the most surprising and rewarding podcasts of 2019.

72. Mike Lane’s Picture Frames-This short film from Lane heightens the idea of remembering those you love after they’ve left this mortal coil to such a ridiculous level every step of the way (and is more and more enjoyably unpredictable the further it goes).

73. Paige Weldon on Corden-Paige’s upbeat self-deprecation is just hard to resist and it makes the best impression in this late night set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

74. The Righteous Gemstones-Danny McBride’s latest HBO series that darkly and comically dissects the South might be his most ambitious yet, but, of course, he nails it. The constant suspense perpetuated by hysterically tragic characters in the world of televangelists is profound.

75. My Friend Chuck-Comedic erotica author Chuck Tingle (one of the absolutely most unique voices and cadences we’ve heard in awhile) and friend McKenzie Goodwin celebrate their friendship every week for a podcast that’s preposterously funny and, also, more heartwarming than almost anything we’ve heard or seen.

76. Joey Clift’s Telling People You’re Native American When You’re Not Native Is a Lot Like Telling a Bear You’re a Bear When You’re Not a Bear-Clift makes such biting, pun intended, commentary with this short film/PSA that is also so playful that the message about Native identity will undoubtedly stick with you.

77. Megan Gailey’s My Dad Paid For This-Gailey strikes a wonderful balance of charm and attitude and fervent desire to burn down the patriarchy. Such a mix accents her very delightful observations about herself and the world around her in this marvelous debut album.

78. Robin Higgins as Baby Yoda at Tournament of Nerds-Higgins might have made one of the best, first attempts at Baby Yoda cosplay. She also, for what’s supposed to be a roast-style competition between fictional/pop culture characters, perfectly imagined how Baby Yoda would roast someone while maintaining Baby Yoda’s sweetness that has captured the hearts and minds of the Internet.

79. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote-Terry Gilliam went through hell, did a few laps, and came back over several years to get this meta-quixotic tale about reimagining the legendary novel Don Quixote made. The finished film, for us, was worth the wait.

80. Jo Firestone on The Tonight Show-Jo’s sense of play is so pure and present that it’s kind of irresistible. Combined with a perfect amount of self-deprecation, Jo really delivered a terrific set we’ll probably never get tired of.

81. Paul Rudd continues his time honored tradition of playing that one clip of Mac & Me on Conan-Rudd evolves the arc of this long running bit on Conan where, instead of playing a clip of what he’s on Conan to promote, he plays the same exact clip of the universally panned alien comedy Mac & Me. We all know what’s coming and yet, without the benefit of surprise, Rudd’s annoyance of Conan still keeps on being so damn funny.

82. Billy on the Street featuring Reese and Mariah-This year, we were lucky enough to get two instantly classic episodes of Billy on the Street with Reese Witherspoon and Mariah Carey that gave us our fix for our obsession with Billy Eichner yelling at strangers on the streets of NYC.

83. The Dollop England & UK-As Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embarked on an entire England & UK tour of The Dollop, they thought it prudent to do a mini-series specific to Great Britain and did a smashing job making fun of British history. The Cyril the Swan episode is particularly brilliant.

84. Lost Moon Radio-The live musical sketch comedy theater troupe (Lost Moon Radio truly lives up to such a description) marked their 10th anniversary and put on an absolutely fantastic “Summer Block Party” this year that both showed that they still got their ingenious musical sketch comedy chops.

85. Nate Bargatze’s The Tennessee Kid-The calm with which Bargatze pervades all of his comedy is part of what makes it beloved by nearly any and all that see or hear Bargatze’s stand-up. That’s such the case now that Nate gives updates to stories from previous specials on this latest hour.

86. Beth Stelling on Kimmel-Every detail of this set on Jimmy Kimmel Live is pretty stellar. That includes Beth, in general, for her warm demeanor, smile, and cleverness, the Chippendale’s story, Beth’s mom being there in the crowd, and, of course, the surprise guest at the end.

87. Liz Climo’s Please Don’t Eat Me-This illustrated book is just the latest in a long line of uber-adorable and genuinely-funny-for-all-ages books from Climo. Liz seems to have quite the knack for making unlikely animal friendship jokes.

88. John Hodgman’s Medallion Status-Hodgman’s journey through the various statuses of airline privilege/celebrity is a superb serving of existential humor, done up with Hodgman’s painstaking attention to the exactly right details.

89. Jane Curtin’s 2019 New Year’s Resolution “My New Year’s Resolution Is To Make Sure The Republican Party Dies”-Said during a CNN interview with the SNL alum, this was the first thing to make us heartily laugh in 2019.

90. Alex Kavutskiy’s Squirrel-Kavutskiy’s short film dives into the concept of forgiveness unlike we’ve really seen and, as is Kavutskiy’s style, is so darkly spellbinding and so pointedly funny at the same time.

91. Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show-The long running comedy troupe known as Astronomy Club really ran with their chance to do a full-fledged sketch series on Netflix. They’re so endlessly clever on in their sketches, especially when it comes to the subjects of identity and oppression, and pack in so many jokes and sight gags that you’ll definitely want to watch it more than once so you don’t miss anything.

92. Dolemite Is My Name-Eddie Murphy seems poised to make a real return to comedy (and stand-up comedy in particular) and this marvelous biopic of comedian and blaxploitation star Rudy Ray Moore AKA Dolemite is the perfect way to start.

93. Anna Drezen on Corden-Drezen has such a perfect sense of farce and misdirection and puts on a beautiful display of those two things from start to finish in this set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

94. BUTT’s Yoda themed dating app sketch-This sketch is so prescient of the resurgence of the world’s current (baby) Yoda obsession. Also, while this is so absurd with its deep dive into various Yoda fan art and cosplay, Joe McAdam and Chris Stephens’ take on dating apps is so sharply and deeply funny.

95. Mel Brooks Unwrapped-The never ending bit of attempting a documentary between Mel Brooks and the BBC’s Alan Yentob is yet another display of the true, unquestionable genius of Mel Brooks.

96. 50 First Stephs-The amazing, hysterical Steph Tolev kicked off 2019 with a show where 50 or so of her compatriots and contemporaries did various impressions and characterizations of her. Part roast, part loving tribute, part amazing showcase of the depth of creativity in LA comedy, Tolev’s night for herself was something really special.

97. The Bongo Hour with Sandy Honig and Peter Smith-Honig and Smith brought their wild variety show that featured such wonderful bits, characters, drag, and burlesque to LA and showed, truly, how much better life is when you’re fluid about nearly everything.

98. How Did This Get Played?-Hosts Nick Wiger and Heather Anne Campbell and their take on the “worst and weirdest” video games do their namesake, the beloved How Did This Get Made?, proud. Even if you’re not a gamer, the way they dissect the most bizarre video games ever made along with Heather and Nick’s chemistry is very, very enjoyable.

99. Joe Pera Talks With You Season 2-This second season of Joe Pera’s unique talk-to-the-viewer series is so calming that the comedic twists sneak up in the most delightful way possible. There is a certain beauty to Pera’s show that makes us want to have Joe Pera Talks With You playing on a loop in a contemporary art museum.

100. John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch-John Mulaney does “it”, yet again. “It” being releasing another hour of comedic brilliance that’s so markedly different than whatever he did before, yet, somehow still stamped with an indelible mark of Mulaney’s comedy of obtuse hyper-specificity.

#top 100 #100 best #best of 2019 #2019 comedy #best sketch #best stand up #best improv #best comedy specials

5 notes · View notes