#there is NO REASON for anyone to think ill of me in the new environment

[margridarnauds]

Okay, so maybe, in hindsight, having people tell me that, no, nothing was wrong, no one was saying anything about me in the fandom Discord server...when my ex friend was conducting a smear campaign against me...in the fandom Discord server...might have made me a touch paranoid

[funlovinzara]

Yuji Itadori x Black! Fem! reader

Warnings: None/fluff

Intro: Your a new Jujutsu sorcerer, Gojo introduces you to everyone and you settle in with ease, someone in particular takes a special liking to you.

“Do you think you’re fit for this y/n?” Gojo asks you. You’ve always wanted to join Jujutsu high for the longest amount of time now, but there are so many risks. You could potentially end your own life. You wouldn’t say you’re different, because you weren’t. But people in these parts of japan would stare and it made you uncomfortable. It’s almost as if Gojo-Sensei was just like them. You had a feeling settling in would be difficult.

“Yeah, i think I’ll be okay! Im planning to train before my first mission, im hoping to do my best at least.” You responded to Gojo, him giving a grin back signaling that it was time. “Well i think it’s time to go don’t you think? I see alot of potential in you.” You had to take the test. This test was to show how strong you really were, this was the test you needed to enter jujutsu high once and for all.

You and Gojo strolled to the entrance of the large high school, it was way more beautiful than expected, the light of the blue sky shining through the tall trees hitting your face making your tan/brown/dark brown skin glisten. Gojo notices you enjoying yourself and smiled, he knew you would be an interesting ally to everyone. You look at Gojo who was looking at you, before you could speak a scream echoed through the environment.

“GOJO-SENSEI HELP ME!!-“ Gojo quickly turned to a boy with pink hair running across the campus being chased by a girl with a light brown bob. “Well would you look at that! Theres our first years for ya!” Gojo turned back to you to see you awkwardly standing, slightly concerned for the boy with pink hair. “Trust me, there stronger than they look.” Gojo pointed, “The boy with pink hair? Thats Yuji Itadori, the bob is Nobara Kugisaki, and the freak standing silently watching is Megumi Fushiguro.” Megumi must have heard because he glanced over glaring at Gojo, then looking at you.

Yuji began to run over to Gojo and you, panting out of breath. Nobara bonked him on the head when he slowed down and stopped. “Hey…Gojo whos that?” Nobara nodded her head towards you. “This is our new student, Y/n L/n. We were supposed to be headed to Masamichi so she can take the test.” Megumi walked over to state,

“Why call her a student if she hasn’t even passed the test yet?”

Gojo smiled once more and said calmly, “i know she’ll pass.” Megumi didn’t question any further, he knew Gojo-Sensei had his reasons. His phone began to ring, he picked up and answered to who knows, “Ugh really? Now? Right, ill be there..” He hung up. “I have to do a small task for Nanami and then take care of some cursed spirits, uhh itadori! Can you take y/n to Masamichi?”

Yuji lifted his head, still panting slightly. “Y-yeah…” He seemed to tired to do anything. “Follow me..” He waved his hand signaling to go. You walked with him slowly down the halls admiring every last bit of the high-school, it was really breath taking. (No pun intended)

Yuji speaks up finally catching his breath. “So…what made you want to come to Jujutsu high?” You tell him your backstory and what made you want to come here (or if you wanted to join just to help others). He nods his head understanding relating to you a bit, but he cant help but to always look at you. “Sorry to ask, has anyone ever told you you’re really pretty?” You turn to him surprised he hasn’t been the annoying type to ask to touch your hair or take a photo. “Well i think, but this is new.” You responded

“Since Gojo-sensei said he think you’ll pass, do you wanna hang out with me and the others when you’re done? You might be a little knocked out…the test was a struggle for me.”

He turned his head to face you even more stopping infront of a building, then continued “I don’t want you to feel left out, i mean a cutie shouldn’t!” He blushes at his own statement, not even giving you time to speak he shakes the blush off.

“Well this is Masamichi’s building!” You stood in-front of the building with and you gave him a very surprising look, “well, Yuji…id like to hangout! It would be a pain to be alone especially as a Jujutsu sorcerer.” Yuji smiled and glowed at your response and the way his name rolls off your tongue. “Ill see you later then!! I wish you luck…y/n~.” He sure does give off a-lot of playful energy, i think you’ll like him.

Towering over you is your one way ticket to Jujutsu high, you wouldn’t want to let them down so let’s give it your all!

Oh my gosh i will admit i kinda slacked with this, it is really short but trust mee i will get better bc i haven’t wrote in so long😭

I don’t like when black reader stories r super ghetto or y/n is super unrealistic so i tried making this just basic

Should i drop a part 2?🤔

[earlgreytea68]

I finally finished Don Quixote. That book was like twice as long as it needed to be but hey, it was a new art form, I'll cut it a break. There were still funny parts scattered through it but it started to just be mean by the end. Like there's a many-chapter interlude where they stay with this duke and duchess who just keep playing mean tricks on don quixote and Sancho panza. It just goes on and on and on. At one point they tell Sancho panza he needs to whip himself three thousand times to save dulcinea. Hahaha hilarious, right?????

Anyway those people were just mean lol. And there's a way in which the entire book is just making fun of someone who seems somewhat mentally ill. But it was also funny and full of very real fondness for its MCs.

But the whole time I was reading it I kept thinking of QAnon. Obviously not what Cervantes had in mind writing it. But it's impossible for anyone around Don Quixote to convince him of reality. When they're like "yo, those aren't giants, they're windmills," he's just like, "wow, poor you, you're enchanted so you can't see the ~~~secret truth." Now I think this is supposed to be funny, and I also think there's a reading (that the musical seems to adhere to, although I've never seen it) about following your dreams when the world tries to bring you down, but given our current environment I just kept thinking about "fake news" and being unable to convince people of reality because they always have a reason why your proof is wrong: You've been enchanted, poor you. It's the mark of a good novel, I'm sure, that it can stay so relevant but it added a layer of creepiness to don quixote that it didn't have for me when I read it twenty-five years ago in college...

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hi mara-

ive been bedridden with a severe chronic illness for a little while now, i have very little to look forward to but your art and writing and the orsday programming has been a huge comfort for me during this time, i want to thank you

i also dont know anyone who has read as much stephen king as me except for you- have you read many of his short stories? i really liked the Different Seasons compilation

hi anonymous, drew this for you;

thank yourself! you:re the miraculous little machine that keeps going and finding new things to burn as fuel day-after-day -- for me, too: for some reason for me all my reason-to-be is trying out "new yogurt concoctions" i make for myself the night-prior to be had in the morning (tomorrows is trying to make it taste like strawberry funnelcake using minced pieces of pastry i don:t want to eat + strawberry yogurt i had on bogo and need to use);

or reading new books (i finished The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison last night (i really liked it; made me think of the big brained scientist yakub making a race of demonic imps, 'cause of how the encroaching whiteness is like this creeping little force with shining blue eyes that casts forth this RAY that eats up the land and the people with this dull rapture-spell that erases what-was and replaces it with demonic grounds and hypnotized demonic thoughts; like carpenter ants in the wood roof transforming it slowly on the inside, i thought "wow, i:m a demonic carpenter ant" but also "i:m really in love with the word-choice toni morrison uses to describe certain things and it makes me think about all the linguistic quirks stephen king uses (ex: his love of the description "full dark") that likely comes from the personality and the upbringing -- toni writes about watermelon heart meat and boiling blackberries and i think "that comes from life and you can:t replicate those little quirks and thoughts", but also i thought "wow toni morrison is like if joyce carol oates was a good author");

or getting sandwich on sunday;

all simple and dumb things that keep me living for dumb and simple reasons; i mean all of that to say: i think you are more amazing than me in this situation, much in the same way that i:d hope i:d be more amazing to myself than that sandwich i get on sunday--sunday sandwich can be replaced with something new, but me (and YOU) can:t.

but i:ll do my best to keep writing :-))! (lately though i:m unsure what could be too uplifting considering i:ve just been writing about thought control from a dream; and the thought control in my dreams -- it comes coded with patterned contices; ex: think and the world 'shifts' and responds in a real, physical way: thoughts are being scanned lately, in a way that makes me think is unreal, but has to be obeyed; ex: i pray uncertain to do vows on the sabbath because i worry the environment has been contaminated with an etiquette breach and i:ll start to further foul the labyrinth i:ve built inside myself, then: a door opens and all the dogs run out; and i think: "here is god speaking" and i think further "my thoughts are inflamed and not mine, these thoughts are not mine, i have never been thinking and this voice is not me it is an alien and i can:t stop listening to it but i have to know it is not me" and then "i have to let the carcass do the vows and ignore thinking, and live on automatic discipline and etiquette and clean without thinking except chanting in my head repeated '1, 2, 3, 4 .. 1, 2 .. 3, 4 .. 5, 6.. 7, 8.. 1, 2, 3, 4..');

re: stephen king -- i love him; i started reading him last (?) year around october, with Salems Lot and 1) loved how much his writing reminded me of visual novels; they:re very character-driven and fun and King is an amazing "scene setter" and "story teller," in a way i can:t right well describe except that "it feels exactly like i am reading a novel adaptation of a visual novel." but i dropped Salems Lot because, though i was really enjoying it, i wanted to read other stuff and the book length were wearing me down;

then: i rediscovered a love for King via audiobooks and needing something to listen to while i was swearing off music and spending my entire days doing nothing but cleaning, cooking, exercising, and working; i:ve listened to:

Tommyknockers, Nos4a2 (Joe Hill but it counts; it:s like if King wrote Jojos Bizarre Adventure), It, Carrie, The Dead Zone, Cujo, Needful Things, Dolores Claiborne, Four Past Midnight, Desperation, The Regulators, Bag of Bones, From a Buick 8, Lisey's Story, Duma Key, Joyland, Mr. Mercedes, Revival, and Hearts in Atlantis; i:m listening to The Stand at the moment and nearly done with it -- really enjoying it.

He:s really become one of my favorite authors. King doesn:t have the best prose but i super adore his imagination and just how well he tells situations--this is dumb but lately when i play visual novels i just think "this is nearly in every-way worse than a stephen king book." he:s just fun and he translates so perfectly into audiobook format; only book of his i:ve read so far that i:ve disliked is It.

Regarding your question about his short stories: only Four Past and Hearts in Atlantis -- but i think these barely count as short story collections since they:re really just both four novellas collected; Hearts in Atlantis is amazing for "Low Men in Yellow Coats" which might be near the top of his stories for me; Four Past was really good, too, with Library Policeman being my favorite from it. I:ve been slowly listening to Night Shift whenever I finish an audiobook at work and still have some hours left in my shift, but I really dislike this because it takes me ~thirty-sixty minutes to 'anchor' myself in a story to figure out names for characters and locations, and typically the stories in Night Shift end before i really can follow the story at all--example: the story about the rats? i finished that without zero idea what happened, completely washed over me. i:ll likely skip the short stories if i never find physical copies of them.

i love king though! i:d like to read all of his works; i:m going through him chronologically atm.

anyways, take care king-reading anonymous

[shootingstarrfish]

Do you have any tips on how you do shading ?? Your art really inspires me and I literally suck at shading lmao.

hello anon!!! im honoured i can inspire you sdfhkjh it's crazy to me that i can inspire literally anyone :,DDD <33

tbh i do all my shading purely based on vibes/what makes me happy so im not sure im a good advice person but ill show you a breakdown of how i go about shading and hopefully that might help a bit? :o i've left it below the cut because i have too much to say and it ended up being really long LOL

of course if there's anything you want more details on i'm always happy to explain, just let me know!

okay SO ill use this asmo as my example, i think there's enough to talk about here that it should be helpful hopefully

so here's my lineart and flats! i do all my flat colours in one layer because i find it easier to make everything look more cohesive when the pieces arent separated (i usually like it when the colours bleed into each other a lil), but i also just dont like the process of having to switch between layers for everything too LOL flats are unfortunately my least favourite part :,D probably because my lineart is so messy hahah

as you can see, the shading is very minimal here, just some subtle stuff in the wings/sheer parts of the fabric and some blushing on the skin, i also stole the orange under eye/liner thing from TBHK because <3

and then i clean up any messy stuff by just painting over top of everything on a new layer, i also rendered the metal at this stage because i felt like it i guess???

i dont think i did a suuper good job at rendering the metal here (because i was lazy), it looks fine but something to note about metal is that usually you want to push the highlights and the shadows a lot more, as well as the reflections because it is so shiny and smooth this is why you'll see a lot of pink and blue in the metal, to show the reflections of his hair and the sky

i would recommend using reference to get a better idea of how metal ACTUALLY works but again, i was lazy lol so that's a simple explanation based on what little i know/have observed

the jump here is a bit drastic and you might be like woah starr where'd all this come from?? but this is all in one layer-

('hard light' - 62% opacity)

this is how that layer looks as a normal full opacity layer, for reference:

lately i've been using hard light layers to shade! they're very versatile because unlike multiply layers i can do my shading and my highlights within one layer (do you sense a theme of me disliking having too many layers lmao)

SO this is where i have a bit more to say about shading you'll notice the prominent shading colour here is blue, this is because the main environment here (the sky) is blue. i dont know if that's how things work in the real world but it works for me LMAO i usually prefer to have my shading lean cooler purely for aesthetic reasons, i like how it looks more

you might also notice some areas where the blue is a bit brighter, this is to imitate reflected light, again because the environment is blue light tends to bounce around on things and reflect back even into the shadows so this is the effect im trying to get, i like to typically go with a brighter blue cause it gives things a sort of shinier? quality that i enjoy aesthetically, idk if its very accurate to real life tho it also helps me to give depth to the shading since shading isnt usually just one flat blob, and this is a bit of a shortcut to having more dynamic (?) looking shadows

i also want to point out my use of bright reds on the edge of the shadows:

i believe this is called diffraction- there's a real legit scientific reason why it happens but i... dont know what that is i just know it happens in real life (maybe not to this extent?) and it looks cool so i do it SFHJKSFH i usually blend it into the shadows though as opposed to into the lighter parts, i find that tends to look better

some miscellaneous things-

don't be afraid to throw random colours around!! who cares about realism, it's fun lmao

this artwork is a spoiler for asmo's bday so shhhhh but i did want to quickly show that you can also use hard light layers to create a glowy effect, i literally just painted the pink/orange directly on the shadows layer and it helped to make his eyes more glowy

of course i do go in and paint over a little after and add some layer effects but it helps to have that base there

now that you've learnt that i dont know what i'm doing, i wanted to highlight a couple of resources that have helped me! i hope they help you as well <3

this video gives some really interesting insights into this artist's process and some problems they had throughout, as well as how they overcame them! it looks a lil clickbaity but i promise it's good!!

this tweet also shifted how i think about rendering when i want to do something with dramatic lighting!

+ an attempt i made to replicate this (i wanna try this again lmao it was fun)

i hope that helps even a little bit, i did my best to explain but sorry if it was mostly nonsense though :,DDD best of luck with your art, anon!! <3333

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

If i have time once i dfinish w my tests, ill try turning this into a fic--

An actual, legal custody battle between the Sullys and Quaritch, who would win?

The Sullys have a history with Child neglect. A good lawyer could make a case for verbal and emotional abuse from Neytiri, as well as physical, if the cut from the ship comes into play (also p sure she tries to attack him multiple times in the comics). You could argue that they can't provide a safe environment for him, and they could use his lack of schooling against them.

Quaritch definitely engaged in some physical abuse, with the whole 'pointing a gun at him, kidnapping him, bringing him to be tortured' thing. However, a very good lawyer could argue that it was his right, as Spiders bio dad, to bring him home, as the Sullys nor anyone else went through the legal human (or na'vi) trouble of adopting him.

And on top of that, if they reviewed the actual torture video of Spider (p sure they got security cams) it would look like Quaritch never actively partook in the torture, and was even the one who stopped it when it became clear that Spider was at risk of serious injury (nose bleeding in a mind tearing machine means bad news, methinks) (I'd think he'd start having some kind of stroke?) Then theres the whole "provide better schooling, housing etc etc".

The Sullies lawyer could argue that Quaritch is the reason he was tortured, and that he held him hostage for months. Could argue that he was putting him in danger by bringing him on that ship (Jake "brings his kids to the battlefield" Jake has no rral leg to stand on) (i mean, cmon, Lo'ak is 14!!! Make him help the wounded or smth)

I think a proper custody battle fic would be cool, so I'm really mad that I have to write it

>:(((

This is the third legal battle on Pandora ask I've gotten. Don't take my response personally and please do what you wish, these are just my opinions and thoughts, as I've really been stewing on it. You know I'm all about the implications of things, again this is not at all at you or the other anon you just got me thinking.

I gotta be honest, this premise does not do it for me at all. I don't vibe with the legal system applying to the Na'vi, first of all. They are not US citizens, they are not even on Earth. Applying a legal system to them that they have no knowledge of and have no reason to follow is another aspect of colonization and genocide that is a huge issue still today. Applying our standards and morals to other communities is wrong. The legal system in the US and Canada has a huge problem of taking indigenous children from the indigenous community and placing them with white families today. Eradicating future cultural generations is a genocidal tactic. This is not the same as the situation with Spider, but a legal battle with the Na'vi over a child has those echos to me. There are only the laws of Eywa on Pandora, why should they be judged on arbitrary rules that apply on Earth? I don't understand it; it has such a colonialist mindset. There is no way to even enforce a ruling, the Na'vi don't have courts and therefore the jury would be human and heavily biased, and there isn't a judge and they would also be biased if there was. Even Spider does not know or follow the laws of Earth, he is not a US citizen. The Na'vi have not been following proper hunting ordinances, if US law applies the game wardens are gonna have to do a lot of ticketing and fining of the Na'vi's no money to fix that. At the very least it's wrong, at the most it's a slippery slope into US law applying to the Na'vi on Pandora which is a MAJOR colonizing step. We cannot even say that Lo'ak and Neteyam should not be on a battlefield, in Na'vi culture Neteyam is fully an adult member of the clan and we are told Na'vi mature faster than humans. Judging that as putting kids in danger is looking at things from a distinctly western and human perspective, when the Na'vi would likely see Jake as overprotective.

Second of all, I do find the concept of treating Quaritch as an actual viable parent as ludicrous. He is, again, a war criminal who has committed genocide. A great many of his war crimes were committed against Spider?? Arguing that anything Quaritch did was his legal right to bring Spider home is crazy, and also saying Spider wasn't adopted by the Sully's makes neglect not even something they can talk about in court as they weren't his guardians ever. Also saying Quaritch saved Spider from torture is laughable. He put Spider there, everything that happens to Spider in the RDA is entirely Quaritch's fault and responsibility. Taking a civilian war prisoner is a war crime. A child? Double war crimes. If this was a court, which again, I really don't like the idea of the American legal system applying to the Na'vi, Quaritch has a lot more problems them custody arguments. Man is in jail for the rest of his life, he's not getting custody.

[kaiserkisser]

so- i wanted to specify what i meant about the concept of dazais actual personality clashing with his masks in mam- i think the main example i can think of is dazai and genuinely liking/caring about the gang, where his first year act allowed him to unconsciously accept caring for them (in his own special way), since mori’s become more involved in the story we’ve seen quite a few moments of dazai seemingly forcing himself to act like or think that they don’t matter to him and he doesn’t care about them. i think there’s also a major element of cognitive dissonance in both canon dazai and mam!dazai where both act like they don’t have emotions or care about people when they very clearly do to some extent even if it’s not in a normal way.

on my other point of guilt- i don’t think it’s really guilt for an action- not for pomfrey, not for pansy’s arm, not for manipulating the people around him- but rather if anything it’s for the fact that he exists and feels as though he just passively brings misfortune to people around him. i think he could be responding to being directly reminded of this by mori and his new mission. more than guilt whatsoever though, i think the self destructive behaviors would more-so come from the fact that the previous year at hogwarts, dazai had a task, but after winter break, he is the task. while the positive environment would have helped him to feel more like a person, the actual mission given directly makes him a tool instead of an agent and would influence him to be even more self destructive. this is just my read on it though- and i could very well be interpreting it completely wrong!

- fable

wait yeah that actually does make sense like in the first year even though he did keep saying he hated emotions and shit, he did allow himself to care for them in his own way, but then after that cursed convo with mori, i think he's passively trying to pull away of sorts?? or like not show to anyone that he actually cares for them because then he knows that will become something that mori or anyone else can use as a weapon against him? and yes, agreed, both versions of dazai pretend that they dont care for whatever reasons, hiding that they actually do, that they're human in a way too

again, i think u do have a point, and agree with the 'he is the task now', his mission right now is to lean into the demon student persona rn if im not wrong (i very much may be bc ill have to jog my memory) and its unlike first year when he had to merely retrieve one of the wizarding worlds important artifact thingys. this time he is his mission. he needs to act like yhe demon student everyone believes he is, and in mori's eyes it should be easy enough for someone like him, and dazai knows that, and that puts pressure on him bc of how he thinks the wizarding world is pretty different from yokohama and the pm. and the demon student is supposed to be uncaring. since he has to lean into that image, he has to be uncaring, or attempt or pretend to be. leading to his self-destructive tendencies. but he tries to do this in a subtle way i think so that the gang doesnt suspect

I honestly have no idea whatsoever where im going with this or even if im going anywhere bc my thoughts r scrambled 😭😭😭 but your interpretation is pretty interesting and has valid points! thank u for rambling and sharing ur thoughts with me omg <3

[tahyal]

Hi Tahyal,

I hope you are doing well. I'm going to warn you this is a long question and sorry if I'm asking you this but no one I know seems to give me advice on how to solve this issue of mine. So I thank you in advance. My soul feels very tired :(

At the end of march I started working at a new job. The thing is, I like the job and it also pays be pretty well, but with time I've realised this place I've been woking is the most toxic work environment I've ever seen in my life. Because we're a group of new wokers, the "elders" have been treating us like total trash. They've made multiple of us cry, and many have wanted to leave. They are horrible with us and constantly talk ill about eachother. It's very very bad. It's been almost a month and I've endured until three days ago, when the way they've been treating me for the past days has made me cry for days in a row everytime I get out of that place. I've thought about leaving the job but I'm still not sure, as I'm in uni and I pay for my apartment and all of my expenses by myself. My parents live in another city where I don't want to go back to and I also can't ask money from my parents to maintain me. These people yell at us, even sometimes insult us and even when you've been doing your job correctly they try and find ways to yell at you about. The mindset I've adopted is, I'm going to talk back as the worst thing they can do is fire me. They all hate me because I talk back (when they personally attck me for no reason) and I'm not a kiss-ass.

First of all what is your opinion on the matter? do you think I should leave the job although it pays me well and I actually like it, and it's also a pretty important position and I don't really want to go back to being a waitress? or should I stay and be patient but raising my voice when I feel like I'm being disrespected?

And my real question is this. I know we are not allowed to curse in Islam, so I've never reached a point in my life where I've wanted to cure so bad anyone in my life but here we are. Because I cannot do that, do you know any "halal" way to make dua' against a person? Or any way to attack them without getting any bad karma in return?

Wallah my soul is tired lately, especially from these people :(

Thank you for taking the time to read this <3

Hi love!

Im sorry you’re going through this, there’s some undeniable strength emanating from your message though! Masha Allah.

Since it’s a job that you like and that pays well, id suggest you stay but remain assertive! Things might get better along the way, I sincerely pray they do.

There are several duas you can make! One of the best ones is Hasbunallahu wa ni’mal wakeel, it has worked for on so many occasions. There is also the du’a of the oppressed, I can’t remember it but you should easily find it online.

Here are a few others :

Please update me, may Allah make it easy for you! 🤍

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

hihi!! I hope you're having a good day and feel better soon : ) I know you're in college right now and I'm starting soon (this fall!!!) and I was wondering if you had any advice for finding roommates? Im pretty sure im also some flavor of neuro divergent and I'm kind of worried about finding a roommate for my freshman year and becoming friends with them.... what did you do when you were trying to find someone? did the transition feel okay? I really hope I find someone who likes me and im really worried that ill be too awkward when first meeting people

Hi, anon! (And thanks for asking about my feeling better—I am indeed recovering from my cold, slowly but surely!)

How exciting that you’re entering college this fall—congratulations to you, the Class of ‘28! You’re right that I’m currently in college—I’m a senior (and currently in Grad School Application Hell)—and it’s really nice revisiting all the excited feelings I had as I was entering college for the first time, too, and I’m so excited FOR you! It’s not an easy transition, and I understand if you’re nervous, but in the best of circumstances, it can be SO much fun—the new environment, the newfound freedom, the new friends, the endless possibilities of this new chapter in your life! (Do I sound like a cliché and/or some overly-enthusiastic person from an admissions office taking you on a college tour right now? Maybe. Sorry about that.)

I’ll start with the caveat that I’m by no means an expert on this, just speaking from my personal experience (in which I’ve been lucky to have two absolutely lovely roommates!), largely drawn from how my college functions and what worked well for me. I’ve done my best to make this explanation more general and inclusive of how other schools might work, though. (And if you or anyone reading this has any more specific questions, feel free to shoot me another ask or a DM!)

So, given my lack of qualification…I’ve put on my Advice Columnist Hat and basically written a LOOOOOONG-winded treatise on how to find roommates for your first year of college, especially if you’re some flavor of neurodivergent! That will be under the cut, so let’s go!

How To Find Roommates For Your First Year Of College, Especially If You’re Some Flavor Of Neurodivergent

An Unnecessarily Long-Winded Treatise By bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue

Part 1: Picking Prospective Roommates Based on Questionnaires & Compatibility

The way my school does roommate selection for incoming first-years is that you can choose either to “go random” (be assigned a totally random roommate, who I think will always be someone else who’s also chosen to go random), or you can fill out a questionnaire and be matched with people who’ve answered it similarly. If, for some reason, your school just assigns random roommates to everyone and you don’t have any choice in whom your roommate will be, then you can skip this whole part and scroll down to Part 2. (Sorry!)

The aforementioned roommate form/questionnaire has questions about how you prefer to live/what you’d like your housing situation to be like. Whether they’re part of an official form from your school or not, they’re all important things to consider when you’re deciding who would make the best match for you as a roommate, especially when you’re neurodivergent and have specific routines, sensory needs, socialization-related needs, etc. (but also just for everyone, because it makes accommodating the other person and their schedules/patterns so much easier if they’re already the same as your own schedules/patterns!) These will be things like:

Have you ever consistently lived in the same room with someone before (a sibling, a roommate at boarding/prep school or sleepaway camp, etc.)?

What time do you like to go to sleep/wake up?

Do you keep your room neat and tidy, cluttered but clean, or messy?

How often do you plan to be in the room? (As opposed to: in class, in extracurriculars, in OTHER people’s rooms, going out/partying, working at a job, etc. Some people hardly ever leave their rooms, and some treat their room more like a waystation.)

How often do you plan to have people over in the room?

Do you use substances (do drugs, drink alcohol, smoke, etc.), and how would you feel about a roommate who used substances?

How do you feel about roommates using your stuff? (what’s mine is yours / ask first / please don’t touch)

Do you need darkness to sleep, or are you okay with some lights being on?

Do you need quiet to sleep, or are you okay with some noise?

Do you want you and your roommate to be acquaintances, friends, or close friends?

The questionnaire for my college, as I recall, also asks some general questions about your personality, hobbies, planned majors, extracurriculars, etc.

If your college’s housing form has a questionnaire like this, hell yeah! Go ahead and fill it out, if you haven’t already! After you’ve done so, the program will match you with people who have answered similarly, in an attempt to create nice, concordant living situations. My college’s program provided a list of a bunch of possible prospects, with their compatibility percentage (91% compatible, 86% compatible, etc.), and showed their provided description and their answers to the questionnaires, so you could see where you agreed and disagreed. Kinda like this character personality quiz, but with, y’know, real people. If your college DOESN’T have a questionnaire like this (I think most do, but I’ll freely admit I’m not very up on how colleges that aren’t mine work…), you can use a roommate-finder website like Roomsurf or Diggz, or an app like Roomie. (Yeah, the names are kinda stupid…) Finally, some social-media profiles for schools’ incoming classes (like a Class of ‘28 Discord server or Instagram page) let you write up a little profile on your own, with your answers to these questions. When they post it, people can look at it determine their compatibility with you on their own, then comment/DM you expressing their interest in being your roommate.

Whatever method you choose, I’d suggest that if you’re neurodivergent, you do some sort of questionnaire like this—or at the very least find some way of expressing your preferences—instead of going random, if that’s at all possible. It reduces a lot of stress if you have at least SOME idea, going in, of what it will be like to live with your roommate, and it goes the other way around, too—you’re letting your roommate know what it will be like to live with you. And although a perfect, 100% match is next to impossible, it’s really nice to get a roommate who has similar habits to yours and is able to tolerate yours—if you go to bed and wake up at around the same time, if you both need quiet at a certain time, if neither of you wants people over in your room often, etc. I’d argue that this is almost more important than friendship based on things like shared interests (majors, fandoms, etc.). In fact, I’ve known people who are the best of friends, but who’d make terrible roommates! On the other hand, I’ve known people who were perfectly cordial, respectful roommates who got along well and liked each other fine, but barely hung out in other contexts. To sun up, living compatibility is important, and I’d argue that neurodivergence makes it even more important—when things like this are less “wants” than “needs”.

Speaking of which: in your answers to these questionnaires or in your profile, you might or might not want to disclose that you’re neurodivergent, or that you suspect you are. That’s totally your choice, and you don’t have to disclose anything you’re not comfortable with. If you specifically want a neurodivergent roommate, then it might be a good thing to disclose that you are or might be neurodivergent too. (Although, as the saying goes, if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. And that’s just one specific category of neurodivergence! Someone else might have totally different sensory needs and routines than you do—or they might be a different flavor of neurodivergent or have co-occurring physical/mental conditions. This is always a good thing to talk to them about more specifically and in more detail, if both of you are comfortable with it.) It might also be a good idea to say you’re neurodivergent as an explanation for why you need your living conditions to be the way they are and why you may be less willing or likely to budge on them—they’re not just preferences, they’re accommodations, things you NEED. However, if you’re uncomfortable disclosing this information—if you think that mentioning it might alienate potential roommates who are ableist or have misconceptions about neurodivergence, or if you’re just uncomfortable with saying you’re for sure neurodivergent when you’re not entirely sure (believe me, I get it; I’ve been there, and still kinda am!)—then you don’t have to say it. Another option is to see if any potential roommate matches mention that they are neurodivergent—then you can privately message them and say you suspect that you might be, too. This way you don’t have to disclose it to the world in your profile, but you might still find people who are wired the same or a similar way that you are.

Aside from that—my advice is to be as honest as possible when filling out these questionnaires. Obviously you can’t predict everything about how you’ll ACTUALLY turn out to live and behave in college—maybe you anticipate spending lots of time outside of your room for an extracurricular that you don’t even end up doing, or you liked to keep your room neat in high school, but with all the responsibilities and stress of college life, cleaning your room ends up falling by the wayside. You can’t predict that with absolute certainty, and the prospective roommates looking at your answers know that—it’s all preliminary guesswork. After all, they’re guessing how they’ll live, too! But given that, do your best to be as honest as you can. Don’t feel bad or ashamed, or like you need to hide/downplay any of your living habits! It’s not “bad” or “wrong” to have a messy room, go to bed late, or use/not use substances. It’s better to be upfront about things like this, so your roommate doesn’t feel deceived when your living patterns turn out to be different than how you made them out to be in the questionnaire—or so you don’t have to feel like you have to overhaul your own living habits. Self-improvement is a great thing to aspire to, but with all the changes that come with moving to college, it can just cause more stress—especially for neurodivergent people who need routines and familiarity. (Even if going to bed at 3 AM is your routine—*cough* me *cough*) And feeling like you have to tiptoe around another person or suppress your own needs can cause resentment to build up over time, and that’s not fair to you or your roommate. You don’t have to disclose anything you’re not comfortable with, but be as honest as you can.

To close out this section, here’s a quick, funny comic about how these questionnaires often go for people filling them out!

Part 2: Narrowing It Down Through Conversation

So! What next? If your college has picked out a roommate for you, or if you’ve got a list of contenders for your future roommate—people who have high compatibility scores with you on the roommate questionnaire or who have commented and expressed interest in being your roommate over social media—then the next thing to do is reach out to them! There might be a messaging feature embedded within the housing portal, or people might put their Instagram/Twitter/Discord/etc. info in the part of the roommate questionnaire that asks for a brief description of them. If you found someone through social media in the first place, you can just DM them on that account! Worse comes to worst, you can just Google “[person’s name] + [college name] + [‘28]”, and you’ll often get a social media profile for them that way.

What I did was take the top few people from the list of possible compatible roommates that the program spit out, then sent them each the same message I’d written beforehand. From what I can remember, I introduced myself, explained that the roommate portal matched us up/suggested that we’d be compatible, and said I was excited to get to know them more and see if we’d like to be roommates—and, if that wasn’t possible, if we could be friends as we both entered our college. I’d usually find a little detail from their profile and expand on that to start a conversation—things like: “I noticed on your profile that you like anime! I love it too—my favorite is Cowboy Bebop, but I like all kinds! What are your favorites? Do you have any recommendations?” or “I saw on your profile that you’re a fencer! That’s so cool, I’ve always wanted to learn that! Are you planning to join the fencing team or take classes at [School]?” (To be clear, I just made these up—I hadn’t watched Cowboy Bebop yet when I started college! I also hadn’t tried fencing yet, which is actually true to the message I made up—now I have taken a fencing class and can confidently say that I absolutely SUCK at it. But I digress.) 

The next few messages, back and forth, are where you begin to get to know this person and (hopefully!) establish a friendship with them. Beyond just the logistics of living, you get to see if you click. You don’t want to live with someone with whom you’d always have an awkward silence or feel on edge, or whom you just plain don’t like or find annoying—even if you have the exact same schedules and living preferences! A good roommate is someone with whom you feel comfortable—because, after all, they’re the person with whom you’ll spend the majority of your time for a year. Things like shared interests are a bonus, even if they’re not strictly necessary—it’s nice to have built-in ways to spend downtime with your roommate and bond with them. For instance, if you’re both into anime, you can watch it together; if you both like biking, you can go on bike rides together. Again, you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate—and if you don’t expect to be best friends with them, it lowers the pressure on both of you as you get to know each other!—but it’s nice to click with them, at least a little. (If you’re having trouble carrying on the conversation, I’ve written this guide to getting-to-know-you conversations and socializing, specifically for autistic people! Again, I’m by NO means an expert, but hopefully it can prove a little helpful!)

If you’ve messaged back and forth and are seriously considering the possibility of being roommates, I’d suggest at least one video chat before making it official, for a few reasons:

You can get a sense of how well you mesh in spoken back-and-forth conversations…which you’ll be having a LOT of if you’re roommates! Texts/DMs don’t always translate to spoken conversations (whether IRL or over video calls) the same way.

The two of you can see what the other looks like beyond their curated social media profile.

You can give each other a virtual tour of your rooms at home, to show them what your living situation is currently like.

If you’re comfortable with it, you can meet each other’s families—whom you might be seeing a LOT of during move-in!

And remember: if you message lots of people (who themselves are also messaging lots of people), it’s inevitable that some roommate relationships won’t work out! Sometimes the other person might ghost you, or find another roommate, or YOU might find a roommate and have to let the other people you messaged down easy, or you might decide that you’re better as friends than as roommates, or they might just annoy the hell out of you. That’s okay! Barring the first and last situations, just because you’re not roommates doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. And, in fact, by messaging a lot of people for roommate selection, oops—you’ve accidentally made lots of good, friendly connections for when the school year starts, and now you know more people you’ll see in your dorm, in class, in the dining halls, etc.! Even if someone’s not your future roommate, they could be your future study group member, or partner for meals, or person with whom to laugh at terrible sitcoms, or whatever.

Part 3: Maybe Not Even Having A Roommate At All?!?!?

One more thing to consider: if you’re worried about having a roommate, then, depending on your school, you might be able to get a single room to yourself and not have to have a roommate at all! The rules are different from one school to the next—my mom spent all four years of her undergraduate education happily in singles, never having a roommate, whereas my school requires you to have a roommate your first year. That is…unless you have medical accommodations that require you living in a single. If you’re really worried about roommates—if you think that the stress of having one might be sensory overload or detrimental to your mental health (and it can be a lot, being around someone All The Time!) and you need time to unmask & be truly on your own, then it might be worth looking into accommodations. These can look like: a “medical single,” an early room-selection slot to make sure you can pick a single before they’re all taken, etc. See if your school offers something similar; it’ll usually be under an office with a name like “Accessibility,” “Accommodations,” “ADA,” etc.

However, two caveats:

Accommodations like this often require some form of paperwork confirming an official diagnosis. Some accessibility offices aren’t very lenient about self-diagnosis or even diagnoses that are in progress. I assume, from your saying that you’re “pretty sure you’re some flavor of neurodivergent,” that you haven’t gotten an official diagnosis, and I can totally understand all the reasons you or others may not have one—lack of access, lack of permission, doubtful doctors, worries about how a diagnosis may affect other aspects of your life, just not wanting to or not being sure yet! I myself am just at the “maybe-possibly autistic” stage and only recently considered the possibility of a diagnosis as a Real Thing In My Future. But keep in mind that accommodations offices, ironically, might not be that understanding or accommodating.

Sometimes, unfortunately, accessibility administration can just be bad at their jobs and a hassle to deal with—so getting accommodations like this might be a long fight, and might not happen until you’re already in a room. Then you’d have to deal with the stress of having a roommate for a few months, compounded with the stress of having to pack up and move into a new single, sometimes in another building entirely!

This is where it’s good to look into resources for incoming students to your school, preferably ones where current students can answer questions freely and with candor—like those social-media pages for incoming students (if they’re run by students themselves), or groups on Facebook, Discord, Sidechat/YikYak, etc.—and see how good your school’s accessibility office’s track record is when it comes to granting accommodations quickly, helpfully, and fairly. People who have dealt with them before can answer and give you some insight. (I’ll admit, some of my rancor might be coming from experiences I’ve witnessed at my school, whose accessibility office can, to put it in the nicest way possible, be hit-or-miss…)

Part 4: My Personal Experience/Conclusion

Now for a bit of a tangent about my personal experience. Luckily, I’ve had really good luck with roommates the two years I had them. My first-year roommate, whom I met through the questionnaire, was really nice and made a good, respectful roommate. Although we haven’t crossed paths much after first year, we’re still friendly when we do see each other. Then, in my second year, I couldn’t room with that person again because she became an RA and was assigned a single, so I roomed with one of my best friends, whom I’d met at the beginning of first year! Unfortunately, they and I ended up sharing the world’s tiniest “dingle” (a single into which the college shoved two beds and pretended it was a double), where there was hardly room to move around without bumping into each other. But both of us proved very accommodating (at least, I hope I was!) and actually ended that year with an even closer friendship, instead of coming to blows and wanting to kill each other. I’m not sure I would have been able to share that single with anyone else but them! (Actually, I’m Tumblr mutuals with both of these people—to be clear, we followed each other here after knowing each other in real life; we didn’t meet on Tumblr and then happen to go to the same college—which I guess speaks to how we’re similar flavors of weird??? And if either of them see this post, I hope you know how wonderful you are and I apologize if I’ve misrepresented you!!) My third year, I was assigned a single due to an on-campus job I had, and I’ll have a single this coming year because I’m a senior.

I won’t lie and say the transition was easy—it’s never easy going to college for the first time, especially when you’re living in a dorm away from home. But when I followed the steps I outlined above, it made it a lot easier for me and gave me two lovely roommates; I’m so glad to have shared the experience with them. I really hope my super long-winded guide was helpful, and I hope you have similar luck and a great experience, both with finding a roommate and with college life in general! I’ve had so much fun in college so far—for me, it’s been worlds better than high school!—and I wish the same for you. 💖

[vampiricicarus]

The help and constructive criticism of this by older and better writers is badly needed please. (and thank you <3)

If anyone sees this who knows more than me on the topics related, responses are so welcome, even if you think it may be hurtful, as long as it has a goal that is to get a logical thought across, it's welcome guys.

I am writing lore for a story I'm writing with a few friends (@elli4nna and a friend who doesn't have tumblr, rainatacos on Wattpad)

The situation is very similar to the annexation and removal of Hawaiian royalty by the United States.

This land is known for being cold, had a unique culture, and has blended with the nation that colonized it, the native people, almost none remaining with completely indigenous heritage, feel as though they have lost something, and try to recover it through the passing on of traditions, and know no other way of their culture.

After my main character finishes a journey of the main story, they defeat the larger enemy, and are granted the crown (Return with the Elixir, if you know about the hero's journey) of the lost monarchy of their kingdom, which they are the second heir to, but the other is too old, and fears she would not have the energy for this, and turns it down.

She does not want to completely disconnect from the larger government, (maybe in the future, but she respects that the current king of the colonizers is not his predecessors, and would absolutely allow them to govern themselves, they simply aren't ready.) She would lead a movement to bring back old customs, and use the ancestors knowledge to help those who are mixed with the race of the colonizers, (used to extremely hot climates and have susceptibility to illness caused by the environment) to better thrive with accurate medical care to make sure they can be happy and healthy in their homes. (The constant cold induced pain and other features including horns and skin prone to frostbite from any cold, as well as thinly insulated wings that create almost certain disability in adulthood, and pain in childhood could be treated with elder's more ecosystem-knowladgeable medical abilities.)

She (the new queen) also wishes to bring back traditional games, events, and sports (like winter sports, only available in this area because there is no snow anywhere else habitable in the realm) to raise morale and show that the environment is not something to hate, and that the local deities are not evil for producing snow and ice, because these too can be beneficial, useful, and fun.

She hopes to research into older forms of clothing to reduce cold and be created and worn easier, such as wing covers, (used to get rid of that pesky chronic pain and disability for those with non feathered wings, also, just stylish and beautiful)

The monarchy will function like a non-profit, may be slightly funded by the state and other fundraising methods.

The queen will work and has the option to live in the old palace, repaired and currently used as a governing facility for the colonizer nation. She may choose to live in her old cabin nearby, in the woods, because her partner has dreams of living in a cute and cozy cabin after having been used as a soldier and experiencing a lack of attention from birth, being used as a slave essentially by Heaven's army since early childhood.

She (the Queen's partner) fell from "grace" to live in Hell (I actually started making this area as a play on "when Hell freezes over" then decided to give it some more after approval from rainatacos) with the queen. She hopes to raise a child better than she was raised by the commanders, and I plan to have them save a young child from trafficking so that they can fulfill this dream.

The child will be a witch, therefore the reason they are being used by adult sorcerers as a source of energy to help with the draining components of huge spells. (Called magic trafficking) This develops her magic stronger than others, but she needs the help of a local witch to drain some of it daily before she learns spells to do it herself. That will work like ADHD medication.

The queen had a healthy childhood with one loving guardian (Her auntie, also a witch [who will help with her magic ADHD], knows some of the old ways) The Queen knows how healthy parenting works because of this, and calms the angel's fears of passing on her generational trauma.

If you survived infodump valley just then, I promise that's only in end-of-the-book lore chapters. (Tolkien style)

Again, any and all genuine writing advice from anyone at all (please specify if you have no experience or if you're talking about the ethics and implications of the political movement) ideas are also welcome, although I'm generally more strict on vetoing those.

If you really want to read it, know that I'm pretty young and it is still titled something like "The AU" so it is absolutely a WIP and a first piece of writing. It's on Wattpad at @PseudonymKay. (kind of)

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

here goes lol and i’m about to be freaked out by people who don’t recognize cosmetic tweaks the obsessive way i do and didn’t immediately feel like evan peters had a new face the first public outing after he had it done 🧍🏻‍♀️

I feel like he looks different yet again with the recent pics but I can't quite pinpoint how. Do you think he's had yet more surgery admin? I mean, I know his face does change dramatically corresponding to any weight changes (and he is thankfully a much healthier weight atm) but it just seems to me he has indeed had yet more work done. It honestly saddens me that he would ever even consider having his precious face modified; his natural nose, for example, perfectly suited his face the way it was. I do find surgery and cosmetic moderations quite repulsive and unnecessary though tbh unless people are seriously disfigured, for example by fire or a chimp ripping their face off. I don't think he is necessarily very shallow by nature but Hollywood is such a toxic environment and I hate to think he is caught up in that mindset. The thought that this naturally beautiful angel could mutilate himself and end up looking like Michael Jackson, Johnny Depp or Joan Rivers! 😭

i don’t see any changes that lead me to believe he had cosmetic surgery, beyond the rhinoplasty a few years ago. i just think it’s regular aging and weight fluctuations, personally. but i think it’s important to not shame any person for electing to make cosmetic changes that are reasonable and will make them happier and more content with their appearance. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, and it hurts no one. my only beef is with people who do things only to deny they’ve had them done. i have had cosmetic work done, will have more in the future, and i will tell anyone who will listen simply because it made my life better. and absolutely no one but me would ever have a clue.

also, we need to be clear with the language we use when talking about people who go to extremes. the michael jackson’s of the world are victims to predatory “doctors” who have no ethical or moral justification to continue to perform surgeries on people CLEARLY battling mental illness/body dysmorphic disorder. mentally well people do not obsess over things to the point they literally disfigure themselves. it’s not the right POV to look at these people and scoff because they were just so vain they ended up making themselves look scary.. because it’s not about vanity, it’s far beyond it. it drives me crazy when people say “i would never get a nose job, i don’t wanna look like michael jackson” 🫠 MJ had… i hate to even think how many revisions to his nose. i say this as someone who worships the man.. a single nose job didn’t do all that. when done tastefully, cosmetic procedures can greatly improve the confidence and life of a person who has a feature(s) that affects their self image. if someone had a mouthful of stained, crooked, or missing teeth you wouldn’t tell them to deal and love themselves, you’d be fine with them seeing a dentist to improve their smile. cosmetic surgery and aesthetic treatments to the face and body are no different, and are worthy of respect.

[tchaikovskym]

Tmi (negative) under the cut

I really have no one I know to tell this, but I feel like I should tell someone, so hey, why not make it public on here?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm suicidal, full-on. And I didn't want to say because I don't want any of the "Oh no life is so beautiful etc".

It's hard for me to differentiate if I'm actually mentally ill or is my willingness to end my life just a reasonable... conclusion? It's just that whenever I think about my life, I see nothing good for me happening anytime soon or anytime ever. The problem really is me, the way I see things and the way I'm desensitized from everything.

I know that with hard work and determination, I can try to learn how to feel again, and I can try to learn how to love again, and I can try to learn how to connect with people, but I'm so tired. I'm so tired, I've been trying for years, and there were times I really thought I was going somewhere, but I am once again back where I started. I'm so tired from fighting to just function and be alive.

And there are things I don't know how to fight for. I don't know how to form meaningful relationships. I don't trust anyone. And the worst part is, that in order to live a fulfilling life, I have to have a meaningful connection with someone. I cannot even imagine a person I would trust. Yes, there are people I talk with, and I know that maybe they even care about me. But it's never in a way that matters to me. Because I'm too cold-hearted to feel anything. Thus really, the problem is me.

And in order to help myself recover I need a safety system. People who care about me. And I'm stuck in this step. Because I can't find it. I can work with myself as much as I want but as a social creature I need a connection. I crave it.

And I'm tired. I'm tired of working with myself I'm tired of trying I'm tired of changing my environment I'm tired of my ambitions I'm tired of my achievements I'm tired of my failures. I just want to die.

But the somewhat good news is that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to kill myself. I've thought about it. I've thought about multiple ways, but each way has more cons than pros. The cons mostly involve what would happen if the suicide attempt was unsuccessful, which would probably be really bad. It also doesn't help that I wouldn't want to do it with other people's involvement, like jumping in front of a train would definitely mentally hurt the train driver. Jumping off a high building would be in public space. Dying in my room would be horrible for my mother and brother, because they would have to find me. So until I come up with a plan how to die alone, as painless as possible, and without harming anyone else, I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to keep going.

And you know, I don't think I could actually do it. I don't think I have it in me. A part of doesn't want to die. A part of me wants to live, to breathe. But the prospect of about 60 more years of being alive just fills me with immeasurable dread and fear. The prospect of about 60 more years fighting to be okay sounds horrible.

So, yeah. That's all that I wanted to say. As I said I don't have a support system and maybe the knowledge that someone could have read this makes me feel a bit better.

I don't know anything anymore. I've always kept going, but this time it feels like I'm going to fall

[sagetsukimura]

(I just want to write it out, see if it helps me sort my thoughts out. Remind future-me that I tried. This week has been pretty... Chaotic, at work. )

I did it. I communicated to the best of my abilitiy in a stressful work environment, and i thought we'd finally gotten on the same page.

I'd done the right thing. I spoke to them directly, I used 'i feel' statements, and explained why, didn't cry when I got yelled at, only yelled back once and visibly made myself stop, and we managed to actually get on the same page ( at least I thought so, I hope so) once she realized i wasn't giving her a 'reasons why you suck' speech. I was satisfied with my feelings being proven wrong, because yes, it did turn out that nobody else was communicating with each other either. Misunderstandings and resentment. (We had 2 people quit this week.)

Problem addressed and acknowledged, if not fixed. I did it. I communicated. Glad that's over with because I hate being assertive or having people upset with me. (I don't like speaking up in situations like this, but so many people were having issues and... I don't know why I thought I could make a difference.)

Only today, a higher up comes in, and asks me a bunch of questions, and introduces me to someone, and I can't figure out what she wants from me., she's asking for specific incidents, and telling me I need to be a more positive team player, and I'm so tired of feeling helpless and frustrated I start crying when I have to talk about one of our more... difficult... Parents.

She tells me to take some time to calm down, I give the new manager a heartful 'nice to meet you, hope you stick around' that might've been TOO heartfelt (7 managers in one year guys, I'm getting desperate . I REALLY hope she'll stick around) and get back to the kids after making sure I don't look like I've been bawling.

Anyway, boss comes back an hour and a half later and says I need to leave. I'm confused and ask her if she means like, go home? NOW? And all I manage to get is *'things are worse than I was told'* and she's off... Somewhere.

... Ok?!

So I clean up, and i leave. No clue what happened or why. Did I do something? Did she want me to take the day to calm down? Was someone mad about yesterday? Apparently someone is/was lying? Should I wait for a phone call? An email? Should I come in Monday? Am I fired? What's going on?!

So now I'm... here. No clue what's going on. Brain is trying to come up with the worst answers possible, I'm trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I love my job, but when no one knows what is going on or where something is, or even who to ask, it means no one sticks around. I'm not sure if anyone else has been around long enough to know the Wi-Fi passwords besides me.

It's weird, how chilled out I am. Usually I feel physically ill at the thought that someone is upset with me. Maybe counseling really is helping? Or I'm waiting to know if I've been fired before I let myself mentally burn bridges and move on.

At least I know I've done my best. I've tried to make it obvious to the others that I'm trying in good faith. I've tried really hard. (I almost think too hard. I should've kept my head down, because even if I was willing to try and talk, I appear to be very bad at it.) I just... Don't know what the expectations of me are, since I've been at the site for twice as long as anyone else. I know things no one else does. But I also don't even know where to find the signup paperwork. I'm not a manager, I'm literally the bottom of the ladder, and happy staying there.

I feel confused, and worried. Overwhelmed, frustrated, and a little betrayed. There's a voice in my head telling me I should've kept my head down and my mouth shut, and rolled through the next few months.

But mostly, I just want to know what is going on, so I can make my own choices. If I stay, I want to know what changes and expectations I should expect, because it feels like they are changing all the time, and it's not just kids who like consistency. I have to ask myself, how long do I WANT to have this job.

I just... Hope I did the right thing, as best I could. That I can say I honestly tried, even if it didn't work. But that doesn't mean it won't suck if it turns out I was right to doubt.

[butchdykenormallen]

NICOLE YOU EVIL BITCH!!!! /POS

augh. Nicole. shitass protagonist who should probably seek help but she never will so she gets to be a cool bitch. she makes crack with her bestie in one of the routes. ngl I fuck with the fact that on the surface she just seems like a careless asshole with no reason to be, but than you think about it and yeah theres So Many Reasons that led to her being so cold and detached from anyone and everyone and she doesn't even realize those things fucked her up because she's already detached herself so far from it all aughhhhh. same nicole but AUGHHHHHHHHHH :[. also shes my favorite sexed-up abusive lesbian ever (she'd probably be openly gay if it wasn't 2009 but also I personally hc her as aromantic. cuz the way she reacts to romantic love in general is a Mood)

Jecka. JECKA. visually she screams "basic" and yeah in comparison to everyone else she kinda is but like. just the fact she's smart enough to befriend Nicole to keep her off her bad side. she's the only one with a chance at a decent future after highschool. I lack many words on her but like. she's the logic to the bullshit around her. also general mood. also r.i.p her parents Tiffany Serving Spoon. burnt from making crack cocaine.

Emily. augh. yknow wjats great about class of 09 is it doesn't shy away from reality and therefore doesn't shy away from the shit mental illness can do. my girl has bpd and probably some sort of schizophrenia and her environment is fucking her up. like. i need to put her in therapy but by now she would refuse to stay. she's kind of mostly a side character except for one route and that route is is one of my faves. the quick attachment Emily forms for Nicole, the spontaneous nature she denies, the way she "convinces" Nicole to die with her by overdosing after a goddamn english presentation they both did together. I don't know how to explain it and maybe im like. overthinking but even though the game shows a lot of negatives about bpd and she IS an objectively awful person it's like. done in a way where it resonates more with those who've done, gone through or generally deal with similar (in terms of situation & demonstrating how bpd can fuck you up like that) than demonizing anything.

actually hold on side tangent but like. Class of 09 does this neat thing where the characters are so significantly worse (morally) than the game will ever be. They will do things, including the protagonist (Nicole) and while yeah, the game will show it and not hold back, it'll also just. it shows but doesn't tell that yeah, it's all kinda fucked up. Also I know the game is seen as absurd to others but like. idk man it's more realistic than people say. like Yeah that is the shit that went on back then and also not much has changed, even if the world may be better and worse in various ways there's still a baseline that seems to never change. New words, similar meanings and the dynamics, cliques, arguments, it shows reality better than anything tryna spruce it up and make it prettier so who gives a fuck if it's a bit absurd, you just lucked out on missing the equivalent in your highschool days. (by 'you' i dont mean you. im. speaking generally)

also trans guy Emily is real to me

im out of energy. but uh. eat this up if u want. sorgy im definitely leaving out important context and stuff for a lot of this but uh. i forgot how to infodump to people who may not know wgat im on about mybad

ive only ever heard of class of '09 like once or twice from clips of it i thought were funny but my god?? maybe i need to watch a playthrough...

[moonlightdisney]

If you asked Scar a few years ago what his favorite time of the day was, he'd probably tell you "the dead of night." as it was the only time he wasn't being bothered by his brother, his guard, or his horrid ex. 

No horrendous guard duties, no stupid princely lessons.Just himself and his thoughts. The nice cool breeze. He liked being alone. There wasn't anyone he could talk to. No one that he trusted anyhow.

If you asked him now? Early morning time. Why? 

Because that's when he wakes up next to one of his favorite people in the world. Being greeted by those angelic light green eyes and her warmth is something he thanks the stars for every morning.

Then his other two favorite people come bounding in not long after. The soft kind smile from his son, Matumaini, warms his little old heart. The cheerful voice of his daughter, Fahari, reminds him so much of his mother. 

He sees so much of their mother in them. It's hard not to with how fluffy and spotty they are.

Although, something about his kids seems awfully familiar... at first he thought it was him and HIS brother he was thinking of but eventually he thought that couldn't be the case.Walking around with his two cubs gives him a strange sense of deja vu like he's done this before...

"Daddy!"

Of course, who had time for such thoughts? He looked down to his daughter and smiled. 

"Yes, my dear?"

"Mama said you'd be taking us around the tree of life today! Can we go now? If we get there early we might be able to catch the night pride before they head in for their nap time!" Fahari spoke, as she bounded up beside her father as they were exiting their cave.

It struck him as bittersweet, how much she reminded him of his nephew, Simba. He chuckled lightly before answering.

"Well of course dear, I shall do my best. Just as long as you promise not to leave me in your dust again."

Matu and Fahari both cheered as they trotted beside their father, excited to see more of their home environment. Scar looked back at Malaika as they both exchanged a smile.

They then walked together as a family. Something Scar now enjoys very much. This has been in the works for a bit and I have kind of put it off for a bit due to being so busy with family and then xmas then new years !! Did I mention HAPPY NEW YEAR ???? well now I have

ok so I wanted to leave this for last as this piece means a lot to me. Everything else was done before 2023 but this is the first completed piece in 2023 !! i may have started it before 2023 but officially it counts.

its 5am rn forgive my crappiness I hope everyone's having a good 2023 so far ! ill do my best to get a lot done this year and maybe even do a 2022 recap !!

please be sure to check my trello if you are curious on what I'm working on!

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[versadies]

ophichius/body switch soulmate au +xiao or childe pretty please? for xiao it can be like, when the body switch happens the reader feels the burden of the karmic debt so xiao starts taking care of himself/leaving instructions on what to do just so his soulmate doesn't have to suffer as much. reader is the traveler, in inazuma and xiao just quietly appreciated being free from karmic debt even for a day, and appreciating inazuma's beautiful sights whilst reader is just. in wangshuu inn. suffering

delicate (hc scenario)

penpal: bless you for such an incredible idea ! hope you like this along with your other request on childe <<3

prompt: ophiuchus the snake, body-switch soulmate au

pairing/s: xiao x gn!traveler!reader

sypnosis: hc on how you and xiao went through the whole day in each other's body.

includes: reader is not aether/lumine and is a random traveler (sorry to anon if you meant by reader being aether/lumine), reader suffering cuz of karmic debt, mentions of physical pain, mentions of violence, pure fluff

the moment xiao opens his eyes from his quick nap, the first thing he sees is the view of narukami island.

the yaksha was alerted at first, wondering how he came from hunting around dihua marsh for demons to sitting down beneath a tree with a new environment he hasn’t been in before.

it wasn’t until he realized he’s in a different outfit and different body that he found out that today’s the special day.

he hopes you aren’t in too much pain.

he observes his surroundings for a moment, then his eyes moved down to his appearance, only to see an outfit that is deemed fit for a traveler. his soulmate is a traveler in inazuma?

now that the yaksha thinks about it, he has heard the unfortunate fate the people of inazuma has to go through with the new rules that the current archon has set up, with her soldiers taking away people's visions, discrimination against outlanders, and the borders being closed around the nation.

xiao immediately checks around his– or rather his soulmate's– body to see if they have a vision, feeling relieved when he felt the familiar form of a vision hidden underneath his clothing.

all he needs to do is hide the vision and not go to the city, where he's sure a lot of vision hunters will be found.

this shouldn't be too hard, right?

meanwhile, you're currently writhing in pain in your soulmate's body, confused with what's happening to you– or rather, your soulmate's body.

you honestly had never such intense pain until now, how the hell does your soulmate deal with this? did he get a rare illness?

you couldn't think straight, your mind throbbing in pain as your body continued to ache and ache with voices running in your he–

"xiao? are you okay?" you shakily look up at the woman, who was staring at you with a concerned look on her face.

before you could try to let out a word, you immediately dropped on the floor, gasping out from the continuous pain. when does it ever stop? you rather go back to inazuma and suffer their new regulations instead of going through this pain–

"you're not xiao, are you?" she asks, causing you to nod profusely in response as you clench your fists together, closing your eyes shut whilst ignoring the woman, who was busy looking for something in her clothing.

"here." you open your eyes to see her handing you what looked like a pill. as if the woman read your mind, she quickly clarified what the pill is. "it's a painkiller. your uh, soulmate gave it to me and told me to give it to you in case you two swit–"

without letting the woman continue, you immediately snatched the pill from her and swallow it whole.

it took what felt like more than 20 minutes for the pain to finally subside, causing you to finally sigh in relief. although the pain was still there, it surely wasn't as painful and unbearable as before.

by the time you calmed yourself down, you slowly stood up from the cold floor and look at the woman gratefully. "you have my thanks, miss...?"

"verr goldet," she responds with a gentle smile. "i'm the owner of this inn. if there's anyone you should thank for, it's definitely your soulmate. you would've suffered the whole period of your body swap if it weren't for his thoughtfulness."

you nodded in understanding. "i see.. but i still am grateful for you stepping in."

"it's no problem, though i'm sure you're starving right now, would you like to eat?"

"yes please."

unlike what you recently went through in xiao's body, xiao was having perhaps one of the most peaceful time he has ever experienced. after all, when will he find an opportunity to not suffer from his karmic debt in this lifetime?

although killing the opponents who came in his way was a hassle, he still found his time enjoyable– with the exception of his mind thinking a lot about your wellbeing in his body. surely verr goldet must've given you the painmeds, right?

besides that, you must've seen the instructions he left for you– but what if you didn't see it and had to go through so much pain later on?

"please be okay." he mumbled under his breath, letting out a worried sigh and continued walking around the land.

unnoticed by the yaksha, you were indeed okay.

"i can see why my soulmate would love these," you commented to verr as you take more bites of the sweet dessert. "what does he do daily?"

verr lets out a nervous laugh. "to be honest, i don't really know what else he does other than hunting demons around the nation. though, you don't have to worry about doing it since xiao insisted that you can spend the whole day here instead."

"oh..." you look down at your plate with a deep frown. what if there's a demon that's hurting people and you couldn't do anything about it?

before you could ask verr, she immediately looks up at where the reception area is. "i have to go now. if you want to know anything, i recall xiao telling me to tell you to look at the instructions in your pocket. i'll be back!" she said before rushing upstairs to tend to one of the visitors, leaving you alone with your food.

you searched for the pocket around your pants, pulling out the piece of paper and read the list.

"should the pain meds run out, please visit a man named zhongli in liyue harbor."

"don't try to hunt for demons unless you want to experience more pain to endure."

"please come to verr goldet if you need something or require food. almond tofu is the only thing i can stomache, unfortunately."

"do not come to public areas if you have no reason to go there. karmic debt– the pain you're going through right now– can be affective to others."

the rest was all more rules for you to read and you're honestly thankful for xiao to write all of this for your sake, now regretting that you didn't do the same for him. what if he isn't aware of what's happening to inazuma?

you take another bite of almond tofu, silently hoping that xiao is doing okay back in your homeland.

to tell you the truth, xiao's definitely doing alright.

the yaksha had never went out of liyue for a very long time until now. sure, he could admit that nothing can beat the beautiful views that liyue can offer but inazuma is a sight to see.

everywhere he went, he found himself being fascinated by everything in this land, looking through ruins and staring at flowers that he himself hasn't seen in all of his life.

not to mention the fact that the mobs that lurks around the areas are different than the ones in liyue.

he would be lying if he said he hadn't thought of getting you out of the nation and come to liyue harbor, but he knew it wasn't up to him to decide on that. if it weren't for his duty in protecting liyue, xiao would've wanted to try and go to inazuma just to keep you safe, but what if you dislike him after everything you went through in his body? what if you didn't like him because he's immortal–

"they won't think such thing." he mumbled to himself, still slightly taken back by the sound of your voice coming out from his mouth as he sat down in an abandoned adventurer camp he spotted, looking forward to try out foods that he can make with the ingredients he found in your inventory.

as the day went by, you spent there in wangshu inn, writing a letter for xiao to read by the time the body switch is over along with visiting the man who can provide you more pain meds. xiao on the other hand spent time adventuring around inazuma trying to not get caught by vision hunters, enjoying his time without karmic debt.

by the end of the day, as the moon rises, the both of you finally found yourselves back in your bodies– with you sighing in relief that you've already finished writing the letter and not having to be in pain again whilst xiao was happy to be back in his homeland.

you then noticed you're in watatsumi island, your home being not too far away from where you're standing, causing you to smile. who knew xiao unknowingly took you back to where you've been heading to?

xiao on the other hand, was sitting on the rooftop of wangshu inn, reading the letter you left with his heart pounding at the words you wrote just for his eyes.

his shoulders instantly relaxes when he reads that you were okay throughout the day–

his mouth twitches upward when he reads the last words you wrote.

"once i come to liyue harbor and escape from inazuma, i wish to meet you and enjoy almond tofus with you."