#there is no system so far that i've found

[preservationofnormalcy]

Got a complaint I need to call in, and nobody's picking up the phone. I'm a licensed necromancer, fully accredited, and I'm having a problem with someone doing a bit of unapproved body-snatching down at the local graveyard. I called around the morgues, and it seems that nobody's been going after the bodies there - so it's not a rogue practitioner. (We usually prefer our bodies fresh - less initial setup required.) Thing is, as far as I know, there's no active ghoul families operating in Upstate New York big enough to need THIS many bodies. I've been cooperating with the local branch to keep it under wraps, but they asked me - since I'm the local practitioner and all - to call it in. Something wrong with the phone system? And if so, could you please advise on what might be causing the problems? (I might have some skin in the game on this one - the local branch brought it to my attention by accusing me of being involved, though I'm not - and I think that if we don't figure out what it is, they'll go back to blaming me for it.)

Phones haven't rung all day, that's weird.

I ran your necromancy license number - thank you for entering that by the way - and it’s come back clean. Sorry for the suspicion, especially in light of your current situation. The few necromancers we do license do good work, so I’m sorry they're accusing you of being involved. Sort of an unfair stigma in The Community against you guys - I had a PSA about this in 2007 called “Necromancy: Get It Right Before They Come Back Wrong.” Very serious accusations, of course. Sustainably and responsibly-acquired, uh, material is a huge part of why we require licenses for necromancy.

Is this up by █████████? If so, there was that whole situation with a Humans vs Zombies match at ███ a few months back where they found the bodies in the reservoir, which makes me think these might be connected.

I’m curious as to why we haven’t heard of it before this. This is a very serious issue. Off the top of my head, it could be still some rogue practitioners who don’t care about the freshness regardless of the impact on the result, but this level of theft would require bodies. Uh. Living bodies, I mean. You know. To cart around the material. The last time we had big necromancer activity was in the early 90’s, Alaska. Could be rusalka, but we haven’t had any reports of that either….and it’s graverobbing, instead of acquiring fresh corpses via drowning or the morgue. You're right about the ghouls, though. The only family up in that area are rich enough to, uh, source their own food supply. We'll send this over to the proper channels. This would usually go to LEP Recon but I think Security Director Knight will insist on O-Sec taking this one. Jenny, can you look into the phone issue? Already on it, boss.

[drdemonprince]

I recently finished reading your book Unlearning Shame, and I absolutely loved it. I found the conceptual framework of Internalized Shame and your techniques for it so very helpful, especially when most ideas of mental health (anxiety and depression, trauma, etc.) have seemed insufficient and useless to me.

However, there was one thing that kind of bugged me the whole way through reading it. Your primary focus was the shame people face as part of marginalization, but often, this too felt insufficient for me. Like, I do face a lot of this flavor of shame: I'm an autistic trans woman, feeling like I'm cringey or childish or creepy or obscene or whatever are things that bug me daily, and restrict a lot of my freedom.

However, a lot of the shame I deal with stems from some kind of awful things I've done in the past, and this is perhaps the loneliest and most difficult kind of shame I deal with. To be fair, I think a lot of this has been very closely linked to my marginalization: people would interpret genuine mistakes of mine as signs I was some awful, manipulative predator, and quickly oust me from their friend groups as a result. If I had been an allistic cis man I would have faced far gentler behavior, or at least far more people would have justified the shit I did.

Regardless, very little in the book dealt with shame tied to guilt and wrongdoing. I remember there was mostly just this one tantalizing line about how even previous members of neonazi groups can benefit from speaking shame, but other than that, I didn't see much.

So my question here is, do you know how to deal with the shame of doing something really bad, and facing the consequences?

Thank you for asking, I'm glad you liked the book!

There are answers for you throughout the book, I think. Arguably, many of the examples of shame I outline involve feeling regret or shame over one's actions. People who do not recycle "enough" and feel profound shame and anxiety about it are people who have done something "wrong," in their minds. So are people who have repeated internalized transphobic/racist/fatphobic/etc messages to other people who share the same identities as them. These people's actions are systemically caused, and they are suffering from those same systemic forces that provoked them to take actions they feel bad about.

You aren't any more morally culpable than any of them, and you aren't qualitatively different from them -- even if you are likely telling yourself that what you did is so much "worse" and so much less justified.

You can find much of the advice that I apply to people who feel ashamed about an experience (a rape survivor, say), apply equally to you as someone who might have done something you view as "wrong." You can also look to the material in chapters 7 and 8 about finding grace and perspective for others who have done wrong to us, and apply much of that yourself. A person must be held in community before they can be held accountable, for example. Understanding the circumstances that contributed to your behavior is important, which it sounds like you've already done some work on, as is contemplating the needs you were attempting to meet with your actions, and the social supports you currently still need in order to move forward.

If someone has taken actions that go against even their own morals and they feel profoundly ashamed about it, I'd say they are generally still in a state of far-reaching systemic shame that goes far deeper and requires far more healing and support than just addressing the morality of their own actions. There's usually a lot of shame about one's identities, deprivation one is facing, fears of abandonment and attachment insecurities, and other major issues going on. Because a person wouldn't just violate their own moral precepts for no good reason.

No one wants to feel that they are a horrible person according to their own personal standards of goodness. A person's actions always make sense within their own context, and so when someone does something "wrong," either they have done something that they do not actually believe to be wrong, but fear societal judgement for, or they have been pushed to the brink by extreme distress, deprivation, abuse, indoctrination, political repression, exclusion, or likely a combination of those things.

I hope this is making sense. If you feel ashamed of something you have done, you need the exact same healing, safe vulnerability, social support, and trust as someone who is ashamed about something over which they have no control. There is no difference, you are no more deserving of that shame, and shame still will not prevent you from changing your behavior for the better. You can believe wholly that your actions in the past were wrong, and uphold your current values in the present, without deserving to feel any more shame about it.

[vermillionsails]

THE WANDERER part 1

Cooper Howard/ The Ghoul x Reader

synopsis: The reader aka Bullseye gets run out of her family settlement to find an old friend. what will happen when they finally see each other after 6 years?

WARNINGS ⚠️: Cooper Howard/ The ghoul x female reader afab reader, DNI IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 GO ON GIT. eventual smut, adult language, fallout show, and game cannon violence. age gap reader is 22 if you're not, pretend.

I try to keep the description of the reader neutral only things that are talked about are the reader's age, teeth, smaller hands, and eventually intimate parts. I do not own the rights to Lucy or Cooper Howard or the fallout setting. the plot and town characters are the only things I made up. Time skips are in this at least this first part anyway. dream sequence as well it will be in bold so you can tell and see the difference.

A/N: I've only seen the first episode and clips, and interviews of the characters cause Freevee only has the first episode but, the brain worms are still activated for this man! 😩

I know it's not from the actual Fallout soundtrack but this song fits Cooper's vibe. A couple of 'I don't know how but they found me' songs do honestly but enjoy!!

It's been two days since you had to run from your settlement. Your grandma had been the mayor since the bombs first dropped. It's not surprising that there has been a desire for a regime change. She packed your scavenging bag while you raided Lucky's trading post during the “mob” meeting. Ray the militia captain and his son Reggie decide that there needed to be new leaders.  Reggie was meaner than a death claw and happened to make a point by killing 6 of Betty's brahman and her husband George when they tried to stand up for your grandmother. Two nights ago Reggie and Ray came for you and your grandma. She sent you out into the wasteland to seek Mr.Howard.  He’s the only person who's meaner than the father and son who are trying to take over your settlement. Lucky for you he was friends with your grandma. He would always blow into town for a week once a month. Your grandma being a ghoul and founding the settlement for other ghouls and their families encouraged him to feel a slight amount of ease. He always called you Bullseye since you've been in the sniper tower since you were 13. After that, everyone has called you bullseye you imagine he’ll call you that again but, you're not certain he hasn't been in town for 6 years.  You're 22 now, the only thing you can do is hope. you've been hoping for two days now. All you have now is the pack, everything you've scavenged for the past two days, and Shroud your dog. Your grandma said the kind of dog Shroud was called before the bombs dropped was a rottweiler. You were able to find armor for him so he could tag along. You were thankful for it honestly you wouldn't doubt that Reggie would shoot him.  So here you are in the waists with Shroud lying across your lap. You had set up camp against an old rusted-out van. You had walked through Filly and found out that Mr. Howard had shot up the place and killed a farmer and his son’s a little bit past it. You weren't surprised, a lot of people were ruthless out here you have been multiple times in sniper tower. It was the first place people walked up to and asked to come into the settlement. You had a microphone and speaker system to talk to them. Unfortunately, most of them ended up being raiders in disguise and you had to put a bullet into them. As far as you're concerned, you're on the right path. Moving shroud you and him decide to sleep in the van hidden away instead of outside in the open. You put out the campfire and roll out the bed roll from your pack and lay down. Shroud splaying out next to you as your eyes start to close and drift.  It couldn't have been more than a couple of hours before Shroud was lying on top of you trying to nudge you awake as gunfire and a creature roared outside. Grabbing the handle on his armor you tap his nose with your finger to signal play dead. You listen as the gun fire continues and shouting you make out 2 voices at least plus the creature. It lasts for 20 more minutes before it goes silent and voices talk at a normal level. You can hear two people argue before footsteps get closer to the van. Very slowly you reach for the pistol strapped to your leathers as it gets closer. As your hand gets to the handle you hear a gun cock and a man whistle. 

“Figured you were following us, smart hiding.” you look at him as he stands in front of the van entrance pistol aimed at Shroud's back. You recognize the voice, his drawl and cowboy hat knock the memory of Mr. Howard forward. “Mr. Howard it's me bullseye!” You hold both your hands up in a surrender praying Shroud doesn't leap or make a sudden movement.  He cocks his head as he looks at you and lowers his gun somewhat. “Bullseye huh? That really you?” You swallow and nod “Yes sir it's me. Grandma sent me to look for you were in trouble.” he tuts as he puts his gun away disappointed he didn't get to shoot anything from what you can tell. “Considering you're the only person who calls me Mr. Howard I suppose that is you, bullseye.” he waits for a beat scowling and growling lightly  “Well come on now girly, we got some catching up to do and I ain't got all night.” you give Shroud two pats as he gets off of you and sits at the van entrance waiting for you to come out. “Yes sir Mr. Howard.” scrambling you get up pack your bedroll and walk over to Howard and a Valutie?  You've never seen one before.  The blue and gold hurt your eyes even in the moonlight. She smiles and waves. “Hi, I'm Lucy nice to meet you.” giving an awkward wave back you nod to her. “I’m Bullseye my actual name is y/n.” she smiles at you genuinely its a rare occurrence out here. “That's a nice name…why do they call you bull-”  she gets cut off by Cooper. “I only needed you to help me kill that fuckin thing Don't make me tie you back up.” you give her a sorry half smile before turning to Cooper. “I'll make it as fast as I can Mr. Howard. Ray and Reggie have built up a coup against Grandma they’ve killed 5 people, and some of our Brahmin. Grandma sent me to find you after I escaped two days ago. I have a package she wanted me to give you in case you needed incentive.”  sits down next to you while sharpening a knife and purses his lips. “Smart woman, what did she send with you?” turning to unzip your pack you can see Lucy look in astonishment that he’s being somewhat civil to you.  You pull it out. It's in a small foot locker-like box. The metal dings as the things inside rattle as you hand it to him.  “10 different chems, two large Brahmin steaks, all the caps she had left, ammo, and a couple of stimpacks.” you list everything your grandma told you too as he takes a look at everything inside taking a long look at the top of the lid before closing it.  “I'll do it. This is a nice incentive y'all, must be in some real bad trouble darlin.” the fluttering feeling when he calls you darlin quickly dissipates as you feel your chest squeeze as you look down at the dirt and sand. 

“Yeah, it's bad Mr. Howard. Grandma might not….might not be alive when we go back.” he hums as he goes back to sharpening his knife. “So what are you gonna do if we go back and she isn't alive or worse.”  You look at him for a moment as you think. “Kill them, have someone else be mayor, and let Doe and Jericho be the new snipers.” he does a big strike against the sharpening stone. Sending a spark off to the ground. It makes the mix of sand and dirt pop and sizzle at your feet.  “You don’t wanna be mayor?” you can feel the sadness wrap around your chest and squeeze again. “N-no I'm not, not as skilled as grandma she could barter and stop a fight in 2 seconds of each other.”  he chuckles as he finally looks at you a smile tugging at the right side of his lips. “Yeah, Sue was always good at calming people down.” you chuckle at his sentiment as he points at you with his knife.  “Now that I know the situation think you can help me dress that deathclaw over there?” you see it splayed out in the dirt lifeless the horns digging into the ground. It’s about 6 feet at least smaller than the adults you've seen. “Is it a bounty?” Cooper grunts and nods “Yup, it's the last of a group a nearby farmer wanted gone.” He grabs the bounty paper from his duster pocket and hands it to you. “Fuckin things kept eating everything including his wife.” you look over the bounty. 500 caps rewarded for the head. You nod “That's a good bounty.”  Lucy clears her throat and raises her hand the pipboy light almost blinds you. “I helped do I get some of the caps?”  you see Cooper raise an eyebrow ridge at her. “Put your damn arm down your blinding bullseye! and I already told you, you're getting 20 and then you’re on your own. If I see you again it’ll be too soon and I'll shoot you.”  you keep quiet as you see them argue with each other. “I used 10 lock-joint syringes on that thing.” Cooper laughs “Yeah those are cheap to make I know. You're getting 20 and I won't kill you that's it.” you can see Lucy huff and sink back into the spot she was in earlier.  He looks back at you after a couple of minutes. “Can you help me dress it?” you nod your head and grab the knife from your boot. “Yeah, I can help.” he gets up and walks over to it his duster flowing in the breeze like one of his old movies your grandma used to tell you about.  “Atta girl let's get to it.” you get up and walk to it. The bottom of your boots goes from crunching the dirt to thudding and squelching from the blood-soaked dirt pooling from its body.  You adjust the green baker's cap on your head and kneel next to its torso. 

“Do you want me to start at the back of the neck or the tail?” Cooper grunts as he works to saw off the head. “Start at the tail less tension while I do this.”  you nod and move further down. After a few minutes of making a deep enough incision, you get the muscle and start cutting towards the head. Its skin splits into two halves as you keep yourself steady. It smells like dust and blood.  Part of you wonders if the death claws think that you humans smell as strange as you think it does. Getting lost in your thoughts you hear Cooper clear his throat. You stop and look over at him. “You tune out too easily, could get you killed.”  you can feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “Sorry, Mr. Howard I'll be better in the morning. D- Did you say something?” his eyes scan you before he speaks again. “Yeah, I did, stop when you get to it’s sides. Need to cut off its hands.” your face heats up again when you feel his gaze on you. “Y-yes sir.” he makes a chuckle-like sound when you respond to him.  It's a couple of hours later after dressing the death claw together. Lucy, shroud and the dog that Cooper has let follow him have all fallen asleep. You wrap up the last piece of meat when you notice. “So Mr. Howard, where is this bounty at?”  he shoves most of it into his saddle bags as he looks at you. “3 days walk from here, gonna tag along? Could use that eye of yours.” tossing the last piece of meat you nod. “Yeah, it'll give me time to think of a plan.” he makes a heh sound a smirk playing on his lips. “A plan huh?” you raise an eyebrow more curious than anything. “Yeah I mean, plans are good right?” he nods as he stuffs the last of the meat into his saddle bag. “They're good but, have you ever made one before sweetheart?”  part of you knows the nickname is being used derogatory maybe even a bit patronizing but, it still makes your stomach flip. “Once, we had to make a run to a superduper mart for supplies. I got us in and out.” you sit cross-legged on the dirt and adjust your hat before cleaning your knife.  Cooper moves closer to start sawing off the hands.  “Well, this is different than a superduper mart. How many men are on their side?” you start to wipe the blade with a rag from your pack as you think. “About 20…no one else is joining them, but Ray trained all of them,” you say quietly you know he’s gonna scoff at you. He stops and laughs “Oh sugar you ain't gonna make it!” you can feel your cheeks and ears heat up. “I–I'm not going in guns blazing if that's what you think i-i…” 

he cuts you off putting his hand up at you. You can see how the radiation burns swirl and carve into his skin making a pattern. “The only possible way of you getting back in there and saving Sue is by sneaking in or…” he smiles as he looks at you. Your stomach flips at it you can't tell if it's a good flip or not but, you know what he’s thinking. “Or?”  your voice is small as you ask. “I take you as hostage and barter to get you back in there. They want y'all for something they'll come looking.” swallowing you look at him a bit apprehensive “You're gonna take me as a bounty aren't you?” he points his knife at you “Bingo!, don't worry I won't tie you up yet though.”  he shoots a wink as he goes back to sawing off the hand. You're not quite sure what to do with yourself after that. Your heart starts to beat a little faster as you think if you like that or not. “O-okay, so we'll pretend I'm Bounty and sneak in.” he whistles as he gets the handoff finally. “Yup I'll bring you and will take it from there but, we got to wait until they come for you. When they do I gotta be a little rough to sell it. you understand don’t ya?” you nod, feeling your core beat a bit at thinking how rough he'll have to be.  “Y-yeah I understand Mr. Howard.” he hums when you answer. “Good now get some sleep like the rest. We got a long walk starting tomorrow.”  You finish wiping the knife off and put it back in its strap. “Yes sir.” he waves you off towards the small fire Lucy made after the deathclaw got taken down.  “Night bullseye,” he says lowly in a gruff voice. You give him a slight smile “Night Mr. Howard.” getting towards the fire you unroll your bed roll again and get in. The two-day trek to find Cooper setting into your bones as your eyes flutter shut.   A dream starts to play in your mind as you drift off quickly.  Music plays to the beat of hooves beating the ground. You see a figure of a man on a horse riding into the red and orange of the sky as you try to move towards him. It's like you are moving in slow motion as you try to reach out to the figure as he and the horse drift toward you. A cloud of raised dust swirls into the sky as it storms around you and the rider.  His figure and the beast he's on get closer as they rush to you. Their features never clear up they stay smoke and shadow-like as they skid to a stop in front of you. His hand unfurls from the reigns and out towards you. Like a switch going off the orange and red becomes blue and purple as your stomach flips and you start to sink into the sand. Scrambling you reach out to the figure's hand but your hand passes

through him. The hand drifted and parted like fog on water after summer rain. As you sink darkness falls over you and you land in water. It's murky and dusty blue as it ripples around your waist.  You watch it for a moment as the water starts to ripple faster turning into wake waves as they crash into your chest the coldness washing over you. As you look up a roar is heard as a mirelurk queen rises out of the deepest part of the water. You go to run but your eyelids start to flutter as the dream fades.  You wake up your eyesight bleary as you sit up kicking the blanket part of your bed roll. Shroud groans as he feels your legs move. He must have moved over to you during the night. He gives you a look over his shoulder and huffs before laying back down his big head laying on his paws.  “Sorry buddy, morning,” saying it softly you give his head a scratch before stretching and yawning. It's quiet before you hear Cooper's voice, it makes you jump hearing it. “Morning sleeping beauty, bout time you woke up.” he has a smirk on his lips from seeing you jump. Putting a hand on your chest to soothe yourself you mutter a bit louder than you mean to.  “God you scared me.” he chuckles at you hearing you mutter. “Didn't think I could do that to you daring, good to know.” your heart starts to beat a little faster not because you were startled now. You laugh softly trying to play it off as you look seeing the sun just about to come up, orange and lavender painting the sky. “H-How long did I sleep for?” he kisses his teeth and purses his lips as he thinks. “About 6 hours Give or take but, we gotta go before it gets too damn hot so up and at 'em.”   giving a nod you get up and roll your bedroll back up and stuff it into your pack. You give Shroud some water and crack open a can of dog food. Letting him chow down as you check and strap his armor on. You helped Lucy wake up and pack up as Cooper grumbled at her.  After a few more minutes everyone is on the road both dogs and the 3 of you. It's hot and dry as the continuous crunch of sand and dirt gets under your boots. You can see heat waves ooze towards the sky and winds grab and throw sand around dusting you and getting into your eyes.  Its monotony for hours on end sends you into a haze almost lulling you into a sleep. You’ll never know how the creatures here don’t die of heat exhaustion alone. Another hour goes by as Cooper stops raising his fist in the air to stop you and Lucy.  His head cocking to the side as he listens for something you stay still waiting trying to listen as well but you can't pick anything up. His senses are much more sensitive than yours. It takes only a few seconds before you hear something scrambling up a dune toward the 3 of you. The top of its head peaks up from the dune. Cooper's head snaps in its direction. He mutters on thing “You gotta be fuckin kidding me!” 

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 20/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19

Surprise! Early update teehee

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Lucifer was roused from unconsciousness by murmurs—some panicked, others with anger, and a few laced with authority.

A sudden wet sensation against his face jolted him awake, causing him to flinch and startle the person beside him.

Lucifer: C-Charlie?

Charlie: Oh dad, thank goodness you're awake!

He lets out an 'oof' when he suddenly got an armful of his little girl. Not that he's complaining.

Lucifer: Uhm, did I pass out?

Charlie: Yeah. I don't blame you, though! I can't even begin to understand what you were feeling after witnessing that. Vaggie still hasn't woken up. She's up in our room; Cherri's watching her. Sorry we couldn't take you to yours. You put up wards there too.

Lucifer: That... what?

Charlie: What do you remember, Dad?

Lucifer: I remember being in the palace with Adam organizing my files and then Nifty came and said- Shit! Heaven!

His abrupt attempt to rise left him lightheaded, causing him to sway unsteadily before collapsing back onto the couch where he had been lying.

Charlie: Careful!

Lucifer: I can't believe I passed out. Again!

Angel: Yous should really stop doing that, shorty. Makin' all o' us worry for ya.

Angel appears out of thin air and handed him a bottle of water, expression filled with concern. He gives the actor a 'Thank you', accepting the offering.

Lucifer: But what's going on now? What happened to the ang- body? Did anyone else see it?

He doesn't like the look Charlie and Angel gave each other. Not at all.

Charlie: Dad... it wasn't just one body.

Angel: The fallin' shit we was seeing before? Those were angels too. As far as we can tell, they are littered all over the Ring.

Charlie: Rosie and the cannibals are more than willing to help with collecting them but there's too many bodies to round up even with their numbers.

Lucifer: They're still falling?

Charlie: Alastor and some of the magic-using sinners have put up a temporary barrier since you were out for the count. There's still a few bodies coming down but not as much.

Angel: The city looks fucked as hell. No pun intended.

Lucifer: Alright. Tell Rosie to take the bodies to the Embassy. I'll set it on hellfire to dispose of the corpses. Wait-

Lucifer's eyes scanned the surroundings, searching intently for a bunch of someones. Frustration etched lines on his forehead as he realized that they were nowhere to be found amidst the chaos.

Lucifer: Are the Sins here? What about Adam? Oh Father, I left him back there with Nifty!

Charlie: That's another problem-

She gestures quickly and wildly hearing what she just said.

Charlie: - But it's not Adam! He's still back at the palace, don't worry, I checked. In one piece-

Angel: Tch. Unfortunately.

Charlie: I think he's pretty shaken up by the whole thing too. He's refusing to leave the palace.

Lucifer: O-okay. That's fine. I can work with that. What about the Sins?

Charlie purses her lips.

Charlie: ...The impact of some of the fallen bodies damaged our communication systems.

Angel: Yous fancy elevators are also not working.

Charlie: Yes. I've opened the hotel for Hellborns that got stuck here that wanted to. But with the elevator down and having most of the demons here that aren't sinners being imps who do not have access to strong magic....

His daughter's words trailed off, conveying a sense of concern that Lucifer could keenly empathize with. Most of Hell's forces resided in the lower Rings, but with their current inability to even contact them by their usual means only makes their position more dangerous.

Determined to find a solution, Lucifer attempts to conjure a portal, his brows furrowing in concentration. However, to his mounting frustration, it proved futile. So he tries again. Nothing. And again and again and again.

Lucifer: What the hell?

With a flick of his hand, an apple materialized out of nothing. He briefly transforms into various forms—a snake, a bird, before returning to his normal form. A sense of unease is gnawing at him.

Everything seems to be fine so he tries to make a portal again. Fucking nothing.

Lucifer: W-why isn't it working?!

Angel: Hey hey. Maybe you're just having performance issues. Calm down.

Lucifer: I can't calm down! Why can't I make a portal?! I-I need to see them. I need the Sins!

Charlie: Dad!

But he can't. He's panicking and he feels himself beginning to spiral again until something struck him hard across the face, causing his head to swivel to the side.

He slowly looks back and realizes that Angel Dust just slapped him. A sinner dare to slap him. Him! The fucking King of Hell!

Anger begins to boil inside him until he really looks Angel in the eye. The porn star is looking back at him with eyes full of worry and concern.

It seems the other realizes what he's just done too because his eyes widened and he scrambled forward, multiple hands cupping Lucifer's face gently as he softly patted the spot he had just struck.

Angel: I'm sososososososo sorry, baby-uhm uh Your Majesty! Oh my god- I mean- gosh-sorry, am I allowed to say God? Ack! I did it again. But I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that. I mean- I know why. You were about to have a panic attack and I really shouldn't have slapped you though. I totally could've just kissed you and you'll snap out of it all da same but we can kiss oh wait the strawberry pimp might actually murder me. I'm really really so-

He was cut off by Lucifer giving him a hug to which Angel all but melts into.

Lucifer: Thanks, Angel. I needed that. Don't make it a habit though.

However, their brief moment was shattered by a flash of light outside, followed by a shockwave that reverberated through the ground, sending tremors rippling through the hotel. A chorus of screams followed.

Lucifer: What was that?

Lucifer sounds like a broken record. He really needs to stop fainting and missing stuff or Katie Killjoy will call him a weak ass bitch in her next news segment.

Angel: It's the same light show we witnessed a few weeks back.

Lucifer: Michael?

Charlie: It's not aimed at us, Dad.

Angel: Pfft. Yeah, for now.

Charlie: But it's been going off so much. Whatever's going on up there... it's bad.

Angel: It's probably that, ain't it?

They don't have to say it out loud to know that the 3rd Heavenly War is happening. It had only been short of a month since he met with Michael and now things have escalated to the point that Michael is wrecking havoc upon his own people.

A weak part of him feels bad for his brother for being put in that position.

Lucifer shudders. When Roo told him of his death, he was in disbelief. When Michael showed him his Fate, he was not afraid. But now that the war is actually here, he only feels dread at the thought of what is bound to happen next. He can almost hear Roo's laugh.

With no way to get the Sins, all they have are sinners and some imps to defend themselves. It's only a matter of time before the mess in Heaven reaches them and cuts his thread.

Lucifer: Okay. For now, our strongest players are me, you, and the overlords. So, call them here. I need to speak with them.

Charlie: What are we going to do, Dad?

Angel: What's the plan, boss man?

For someone who kept wishing for death for over ten thousand years, he never wanted to live to see tomorrow more than now.

Lucifer: We're going to defend our home.

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Appledust is like a guilty pleasure ship. There's something about 2 broken souls finding togehter that gets me.

They are platonic in this fic tho. Radioapple is my life

I also promise that Lucifer is only gonna pass out one more time. for the last time

oops

[sugar-spice-and-everything-dice]

All those posts that are like "homebrewing dnd is like modding skyrim into call of duty" or whatever are missing the point. Coming from someone who extensively modded skyrim back when i was playing it, maybe the appeal is taking the bones of a system and just absolutely fucking them up in a way that pleases you. Did you consider that.

ALSO . in the same vein, those posts that are like "just play a different system!!!1!!" and then either a) don't give any recommendations or b) just recommend their favorite system that is absolutely not widely-customizable/appealing are also Bad

[mainfaggot]

omg so many thoughts on paradox killer

[notjanine]

i'm comfortably into my two part time jobs and still training for my third job (which'll eventually be part time up to full time).

this third job is like... i referred to it before as my ~dream job~, but that's only half true.

i'll be getting to do thing i've always wanted to do, but under a broader umbrella that includes things i never thought i'd get into. for years, ppl have been telling me that i should try it bc i'd be good at it, but i just assumed i wouldn't be. but now that i'm like 1/3 of the way through my (intense, partly self-assigned, mostly self-directed) training... i might actually be REALLY good at this. it's much more medically complicated and interesting than i thought, plus would actually allow me to use the deep foundational knowledge of food that i built from the same passion that brought me to this field in the first place.

but boss told me i have to declare sub-specialty areas of expertise, so they know what kinds of cases to give me. i'm like. i just started my career. and my other two jobs are in a totally different and basically irrelevant area. i started building my bio for the website and i was freaking out bc the only areas i could think of were like. conditions/identities i have or my loved ones have. that's fake bullshit! experience does not equal expertise!

but then i remembered that my own perspective has driven my experience in preparing for this field. throughout my higher level academic practice, internship experience, and even formal recreational learning, i have consistently chosen to do work that revolves around these facets of my life. i once joked with my best friend that the running throughline of my gradschool experience was i love autistic people and fat people and trans people actually. i chose to focus on those things and developed expertise out of that love! and i also had to remind myself that sometimes it's not all about expertise. it's also about familiarity and comfort. when you have to be vulnerable with someone, having to educate them about the basics of your lived experience is an extra burden. if you don't have to worry about that, you can put more energy into working on the things that matter to you.

i do not love my chronic illness, however, but suffering can be a good motivator, so i have learned so much about it just so i can try to live with it. i have a pubmed alert set up to send me every new study about it for fucks sake. it's a weird little illness and most of the good data on it is very very fresh (<5 years), so it's hard to find a healthcare practitioner who knows how to treat it well. for example, my old doc put me on a treatment regimen that i now know--with MY expertise--may have caused permanent damage to my body! the benefits did not outweigh the risks! but it's standard therapy. it shouldn't be! and now i can be loud about that, with evidence that i can present to the people who make those decisions!

anyway, it's cool to know that everything i've been through is now benefiting me as a professional. and to know that my loved ones have not only supported me through all this, but also made me better so that i can help them and more people like them. plus, my job will put me in a position to argue work with doctors! which i was dreading, but now i'm kind of looking forward to!

i'm getting to a point where i've barely started my career but i can start to see how it'll go, pivoting in a different direction than i initially planned, but maybe one that'll be better! i worry that i will become a workaholic like my mom, but maybe again my illness will be a benefit, because maybe my body won't LET me do that. i'm excited to see what will happen! but for now, lemme get back to my studying.

[lil-melody-moon]

Coming back home and the first thing you see on phone notifications is this suggested to you on Pinterest

[eggmeralda]

kind of wish my way of coping with morbid things wasn't to expose myself to them until I become desensitised lol

[fictionadventurer]

This IMDB trivia about Meet John Doe suddenly makes Frank Capra's distributist worldview make perfect sense. Of course he hated both corporations and the government! They're both massive impersonal machines that crush the little guy trying to make his way in the world!

[theophagie-remade]

This is as far as I got into the new chapter before the tears began 🥲

[chqnified]

For no reason whatsoever, my field of random studies today have been computer viruses and the development of the frontal lobe

[friesian]

trying to be good and finally hunker down and find a new therapist since i’ve been without one since late last year. which is tough for the criteria that i really want to work on. the guy i REALLY wanted to see had me on a wait list and hasn’t sent out anything since feburary, so im like. ok. i guess i need to find someone.

i have no idea how to go about finding a good therapist though since i know psychology today is just fucking weird sometimes. not to mention some of these therapists will say ‘oh im trans positive :)’ and then they see an actual trans person show up on their doorstep and its like ‘uhm. so. sorry i dont want to offend but how does-- sorry. uhm. sorry.’

[thestarmaker]

Me, who likes minecraft creative mode almost purely for the exploration aspect: oh no man's sky has a creative mode?

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

The Good Omens Fandom has had a lot of fun recently with the knowledge of Aziraphale and Crowley holding hands on the bus at the end of season 1.

Soo here's everything that went through my head as I learned of it for the first time.

For that entire scene, Aziraphale is really far gone. He's dissociating so hard he can't even realize he's been sitting on a sword. Crowley is probably the only thing keeping him grounded.

They just narrowly stopped Armageddon after a showdown with literally Satan, and still can't let their guard down. For the first time ever, they're completely on their own side. Now they have to orchestrate a body swap to save both of them. They wouldn't just be killed, they'd be completely destroyed. Everything must go exactly according to plan, but how often does that actually happen?

And on top of that, his bookshop, his home, his safe place with the demon he has to pretend not to love is burned and gone.

Crowley is so incredibly gentle and reassuring this entire scene. He's been through so much trauma himself and has spent a lot of his existence shielding the angel from it, hoping to protect some of his innocence and naivete. Crowley is absolutely familiar with every symptom of PTSD and anxiety.

Now he has to see his sweet angel see such a small bit of the horrors of heaven and hell and start to crumble inside. He's going to do his dam best to try and help Aziraphale through it. Speaking softly, ("the bookshop burned down... remember?) slowly and carefully, gradually helping to pull the angel back to reality, reminding him that he's there and will help ground him.

They get on the bus, and sit next to each other. 11 years ago, they sat nearby but separated while Crowley begs Aziraphale to help him prevent the Apocalypse. Now they are sitting together. Both an act of reassurance and unity.

Crowley sits first, Aziraphale could so easily just sit across from him, behind or in front. But he chooses to sit right next to him. And hold his hand. Aziraphale desperately needs to be near to the *former* demon he loves, to hold him, to make sure they won't be separated.

In the book, their famous lines of "none of this would have worked out if you weren't, deep down, just a bit of a good person" and "just enough of a b*stard to be worth liking" came as Satan rose from the earth, as a goodbye in case they were destroyed.

Luckily, that didn't happen and they survived. Armaggedon was stopped. But the angel is still so anxious of losing Crowley. So he chooses to reach out, to anchor himself and reassure himself that Crowley is still there beside him and that they are okay, at least for a few minutes.

And Crowley let him. He knows how badly Aziraphale needs him, he needs the angel just as much. He knows how badly he craved an anchor and support system as he was first abused and traumatized by his Fall, then further by Hell. So he's going to continue being there for Aziraphale, doing everything he can to make his angel feel safe and comfortable.

Over the next few years, Aziraphale would become so much more comfortable reaching out and touching Crowley. Leaning into him, resting a hand on his shoulder or briefly touching his chest. Somehow both reassuring himself that the former demon was still there, and reminding Crowley that he's still there for him at the same time.

Then Crowley becomes more comfortable with the touch, leaning into the angel by himself. No longer flinching at a sudden graze of a hand or reassuring squeeze.

That one moment of the two holding hands on the bus cemented so much of their relationship. "The last few years, not really..." all started on that bus the moment Aziraphale chose to sit down next to Crowley.

edited: at first this said "new knowledge" because I just found out about this all the other day, and wrote this up at 3 AM, and didn't really fact check when this knowledge became well known. I've only really been a GO fan since maybe 2021, and only really started being active in the fandom during the last few months, so a lot of info that is fairly well known is still generally new to me. soo yeah this was edited :)

source for anyone asking for it!

[thebibliosphere]

I think sometimes it's hard to see my progress with my health because it so often feels like I take one step forward and then a hop, skip, and a jump back in some regards.

I'll improve one thing, and something else will pop up like a constant game of whack-a-mole with Symptoms. It's hard not to feel defeated, even though I know logically that progress is progress, but sometimes, progress doesn't feel much like progress and more like dragging yourself around by the scruff of the neck. It's tiring, in a 'slowly eats away at your soul and makes you increasingly mentally unwell' sort of way.

And then I'll see someone like Magic Dentist Man, who I haven't seen for a while, and the clarity of how far I've come hits me like a ton of bricks.

I've been through a lot since he first started treating me. I almost died, for one thing. He was there for the worst of it. Watched me slowly fade away to nothing until it was almost too late. But he hasn't seen much of me during my recovery. His daughter has primarily taken over my care -- the only person, he jokes, who he trusts with my 'complexities.' When he found the infection on the lower right side of my jaw during my checkup last week, however, he declared then and there he'd be the one to treat it.

"You've been hurt too much already, kiddo," was all he said, like if it was up to him, like if I was his kid, he'd beat the shit out of everyone who came before him. Like the fact that I was so badly brutalized by the medical system that I taught myself to breathe through the pain of root canals without anesthesia was a travesty he'll never forgive.

He's like that, Magic Dentist Man. He sees someone in pain and says, "Not today, not at my hands."

If he asked me to help hide a body, I'd ask how far away and how deep he wanted the hole.

Anyway. He's seen me through some of the worst moments of my life, and today, while he was holding the curing wand over my carefully reconstructed teeth, I caught him smiling upside down at me behind his mask.

"What?" I asked, though it came out more like, 'Hwhut?'

"Nothing," he said, still smiling. "I was just thinking you look alive."

And maybe now, a few hours after the painkillers are out of my system, maybe, yeah. Maybe that's hitting a little harder than I expected. Because he knows, y'see? He knows how far I've come. Even if I sometimes forget.